Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi there, Smith.
[5] Meet Conan.
[6] Meet Sona.
[7] Hey, Smith, how are you?
[8] Doing very well.
[9] How are you?
[10] We're doing well.
[11] It's very nice to meet you.
[12] Your name is, Smith is your first name.
[13] Is that right?
[14] It is.
[15] I get that a lot.
[16] S -M -Y -T -H -E.
[17] A lot of times when I go into a doctor's office, they look at my first name, say, no, don't want to pronounce that.
[18] Look at my last name Mulliken.
[19] No, I don't want to do that.
[20] So I get my middle name Robert.
[21] So I have to be on the looks for any name said at a doctor's office.
[22] These are very crappy doctors you're going to.
[23] Yes, yes.
[24] How are you going to trust them to do a delicate procedure if they refuse to even try your name?
[25] Yeah, that was before my triple bypass, actually.
[26] What?
[27] No, I'm joking that.
[28] Oh, my God.
[29] You know what, here's the thing.
[30] Can I call you something?
[31] I'm going to call you Smyth because it's S -M -Y -T -H -E.
[32] Yeah, yeah, I get that all the time.
[33] Smithy.
[34] First of all, when someone mentions that they got a triple bypass, I thought it was highly likely you were joking.
[35] But if I laugh in that moment, then I'm penalized.
[36] If you say, no, I'm serious.
[37] Then I'm the prick.
[38] What we did was the safer course of, oh, that's terrible.
[39] And then you told us you were joking and now you're the prick.
[40] Well, while that's the safer course, what I've learned from your podcast is since Wendy, you care.
[41] Oh, right.
[42] Yeah, good point.
[43] Listen, Smythe.
[44] I'll go with Smith.
[45] Smith, I do care.
[46] I am a compassionate man. I'm very good at pretending I don't care.
[47] Right, guys?
[48] No, it's pretending that you care.
[49] That's what it is.
[50] I got confused.
[51] It's pretending I do care.
[52] It's the reverber.
[53] Anyway, on that note, Smith, I do care about you.
[54] Tell me about yourself.
[55] You're showing it well.
[56] Thank you.
[57] Tell me, like most sociopaths, I've learned visual cues of how to behave.
[58] What?
[59] Tell us about yourself.
[60] What do you do, Smith?
[61] So I am a mechanical engineer.
[62] I work for a NASA contractor here in Houston, Texas.
[63] Wait, you're a NASA contractor.
[64] What do you, are you building rovers?
[65] What are you building?
[66] What are you doing?
[67] No, no. The rovers and all that stuff is out there in JPL by y 'all.
[68] JPL, yes.
[69] JPL is in Pasadena.
[70] That's right.
[71] Yes, and I was there just a week ago, by the way.
[72] I went there to do a, I taped an episode of the podcast Infinite Monkey Cage with Brian Cox and it was really fun and we went to JPL and it was I've been there it's amazing and my son came with me and they showed us the rover and they let us keep it Oh I drove it on the 405 Oh you're the last person they should give it to yeah and then we took a core sample and it turned out it was the 405 and you know what it's concrete and broken to everyone's surprise it is concrete yeah Mostly concrete and then some broken dreams at the bottom.
[73] Smith, so I did know that, but what are you making for...
[74] So you're a mechanical engineer, you work for a contractor of NASA.
[75] Are you actually...
[76] What are you doing for NASA that involves space?
[77] I want to get right to the nitty -gritty.
[78] So I am not actually like building any rockets or anything usually.
[79] But when you're in a bar, you say you are, right?
[80] Oh, yeah, of course.
[81] I mean, I'm sorry, if I was a mechanical engineer for NASA and I didn't build anything, that would not be the story I would tell me. bars or on a podcast or a podcast yeah just lie think of um think of UPS for space essentially we create the manifest uh that all of the visiting vehicles uh use going up and down so everything that needs to launch to the international space station everything that needs to return or get disposed of you decide what gets in the payload going to the space station and coming back me and a host of other people I am a small cog and a much larger wheel.
[82] Okay, again, this is not the way you would say it at a bar.
[83] I'm trying to help you, smithy, I'm trying to help you.
[84] You're supposed to say like, yeah, I pretty much decide.
[85] I build the space station, and then I send it up, and then sometimes I take it back down and fix it and send it up again.
[86] What's the craziest shit you've ever smuggled up there?
[87] Is it porn?
[88] Smuggled up, actually, there's a cool video on YouTube, if you want to look it up.
[89] There is, no, not of that.
[90] Oh, but just people want them.
[91] Oh, okay.
[92] I'm sorry, does porn work in zero gravity?
[93] Does it?
[94] Wouldn't there be some problems?
[95] Like never before.
[96] Where does the giz go?
[97] I mean, hey, Sona.
[98] Where does it?
[99] Take it easy.
[100] It goes everywhere.
[101] Smithy, I'm sorry, Smith, I'll get it right at some point.
[102] He said, not even trying to get it right.
[103] No. People, yeah, that is Sona brought up, I mean, it's disgusting what she said, but because she said I have to follow that line of reasoning.
[104] We're someone to be watching space porn up on the space station.
[105] What do the, how does that work?
[106] Three female astronauts.
[107] can be impregnated by the same man on the same session.
[108] Because the semen flies around?
[109] Uh -huh.
[110] And finds its way.
[111] And their women are all naked or just taking around naked?
[112] Well, this is space porn.
[113] Smith, why did you take us down this road?
[114] Smith, I blame you.
[115] Yeah.
[116] I fully blame Sona.
[117] You know what?
[118] I like you.
[119] Anyone that you've been on the, anyone who after knowing us for five minutes says, I fully blame Sona has my great admiration.
[120] So you decide, I'm going to get us off of this terrible tangents that Sona brought us on.
[121] I fully decide.
[122] I say, no, Buster Brown.
[123] You're not launching that thing.
[124] We're launching this other thing.
[125] So what kinds of things are you sending up there?
[126] Food, various ducting that they need.
[127] I mean, from the most mundane duct tape, anything.
[128] Everything from the food, the air they breathe, the science experiments they need to do spare parts because, let's face it, people have been up in the International Space Station for 20 years continuously, stuff breaks like in a home.
[129] You've got to go fix it, but they don't have a Lowe's or a Home Depot to go, like, grab some stuff and do it themselves.
[130] So we have to send it.
[131] Is it like Survivor?
[132] Do the astronauts get to bring a personal item, like a stuffed animal or a toothbrush or something?
[133] They do.
[134] They do.
[135] So on a lot of the vehicles, on a lot of the crude vehicles, they'll actually have a what's called a zero gravity indicator.
[136] and on, I think, Demo 2 for SpaceX, the first one that they actually sent people into space on their rocket, they had like a kid's toy, like one of the astronauts' kids, like one of his stuffed animals, and they used it as a zero -g indicator because once you're done with the thrust of the rocket, you're just in zero -g.
[137] And that tells you because it just starts floating around.
[138] But any object floating would be fine.
[139] A tennis ball.
[140] Jizz.
[141] Oh, yeah, yeah.
[142] It can be literally, they start at something.
[143] I think personal.
[144] Matt, clean it up.
[145] Sorry.
[146] Clean it up.
[147] This is a family podcast.
[148] We're talking to a gentleman here who's doing good work for NASA.
[149] Yes.
[150] Keeping the astronauts alive.
[151] Yes.
[152] And you're splooging all over the place in zero gravity.
[153] So what I'd like to ask you is things break on the space station and they send them down to you to be repaired.
[154] Is that correct?
[155] Yes.
[156] And again, to me particularly, I'm fixing.
[157] There we go.
[158] There we go.
[159] You're getting better.
[160] You're getting better.
[161] Yeah.
[162] So they'll send everything back down and it'll get investigated.
[163] Any science samples will then get to actually be processed here on the ground a whole wide variety of things.
[164] Are you ever concerned?
[165] And this is a legitimate concern because I've seen a lot of alien movies and I know that Matt Gourley has as well.
[166] So you're opening.
[167] We know it.
[168] Sona, we know you've never seen one.
[169] Let us handle this.
[170] Sona has watched the human centipede 35 times.
[171] That's the limit of her science fiction.
[172] Science, too.
[173] Yeah, it is.
[174] It actually is.
[175] It's the most tender kind of science.
[176] My question...
[177] It's science friction.
[178] Oh, man. Man, I love these diatribs.
[179] This is my favorite part of the podcast.
[180] It's the most difficult time I've had interviewing anyone since we started talking to Feds.
[181] I'm sorry.
[182] I'm sorry.
[183] Okay.
[184] You were just, you had some jumping beans for breakfast.
[185] It's like, Gwerely.
[186] It's not just me. It's predominantly you.
[187] No, but I'm just...
[188] Now I forget.
[189] my train of thought.
[190] You said alien movies.
[191] You are opening canisters that have come from the international space station.
[192] As anyone who's watched science fiction knows, that's a recipe for disaster.
[193] All alien to human contact, if it doesn't come from a spaceship, it comes from mankind accidentally bringing something back to Earth.
[194] Good point.
[195] Thank you.
[196] Yeah.
[197] Luckily, most of what we're doing is stuff that's been sent up previously by man. There are the occasional deals of like, hey, you know, germs grow different places.
[198] They'll take like a swab of something on the ISS just to make sure health and safety of the astronauts and all that good stuff.
[199] That's where it happens.
[200] Everything sent up and sent back down.
[201] It was meant to be.
[202] No, no. Because you germs, only a couple deaths have happened in the hospital.
[203] Have you ever felt sick to your stomach and you thought maybe it's a burrito, but then a creature, a green worm -like, creature burst out of your stomach.
[204] No, luckily, luckily no monsters have been sent down from space.
[205] Smith, did you do COVID?
[206] Did you do it?
[207] Was that you?
[208] Man, you guys are coming in with like the hard -hitting questions that the listeners want to know.
[209] I can't say that I personally did COVID.
[210] Remember brag.
[211] You're supposed to brag.
[212] No, no. Someone who worked with them did.
[213] That was his code.
[214] That one, that one I'm not going to brag.
[215] this is cool this is i think you have a very cool job um i think you could embellish it somewhat saying it's uPS but for space isn't sexy if it fits it ships for a really high flat rate that also works for space porn i have a question um can i send something up to space a civilian if i wanted to send something up from the podcast like a smore or something that relates to something that our regular viewers know about or something emblazoned with the word catechai would be able to send that up you definitely could you would I think get in touch with NASA's PAO office and then kind of go through a couple yeah it's going to be a little bit but you can definitely get it on we we've set some like NFL footballs for their like 50th for kind of the 50th Super Bowl and stuff like that so such shit you know like who okay oh the NFL sent something up.
[216] That's great.
[217] You know, it's about time they got some airspace.
[218] I think we should get something up from the podcast into the International Space Station.
[219] Me. What?
[220] A towel?
[221] A towel?
[222] I don't know.
[223] Oh, did it's a clean up there?
[224] No, you're back at the, you're back at the gist.
[225] You know what?
[226] You're out of control.
[227] And you know what?
[228] I may put you in a book.
[229] I'm going to put you in one of those quiz show booths from the 50s where you can't hear anything and you can't speak.
[230] I don't know.
[231] I just think football they could play with and stuff.
[232] That's fun.
[233] But what would we give them that would be of any use um i'm thinking but i know that our podcast has touched on a wide we could send paul rut up we could send jeff goldblum oh paul would love it uh oh jess gloom he could mean if we could let him like kind of do some cleanup and tidying up up there that would be great no i think it's going to be goldblum on the spick can you imagine how much how people love that guy and he's been he's becoming one of our all -time favorite podcast guests he's half alien himself he's like the perfect ambassador when the aliens come.
[234] He's the fly.
[235] He's, you know, and he's brundle.
[236] You know, brundle fly.
[237] I think we've got to get him up there.
[238] I think it'd be fantastic.
[239] I'll talk to him.
[240] It's going to be a problem.
[241] He's like 6 .5.
[242] But I think he'll go quietly.
[243] 6 .5.
[244] We could, uh, I can, I can run some numbers and see what size bag we could fit him in.
[245] He must have to be in a bag.
[246] He must have to be in a bag.
[247] We have to put Jeff Goldblum in a bag.
[248] I can tell you right now, he needs to be in a bag that's at least 6, 5.
[249] Yeah.
[250] Yeah.
[251] You know what?
[252] Gorley's just on the calculations for a six -foot -five man. He says the bag needs to be what?
[253] Six -five at least.
[254] Here we go.
[255] This guy is the human computer over here.
[256] This is fantastic.
[257] Now, tell us a little bit about you.
[258] I want to know Smythe, the man. So me. I am man. Sometimes it's drive -thead.
[259] and over the phone, I get mistaken for a woman.
[260] So if you guys can't see me right now and you assume that I'm...
[261] No, I see you right now and you are all -man.
[262] Yeah, yeah.
[263] All -man, just...
[264] Yeah.
[265] No, so sometimes when I go through drive -thrus, they assume I'm a woman, so I've gotten used to ma 'am and misses over the phone, just a part of it.
[266] No, otherwise, I have really, over -COVID, like so many other people, had to kind of pick up fun hobbies.
[267] and picked up cocktail making.
[268] Oh, you make cocktails.
[269] That's interesting.
[270] Our own Matt Gourley, who I'm going to allow to come back to the podcast now.
[271] He was banished for 18 seconds for his insane lascivious behavior.
[272] The chilled chum.
[273] I've been listening to it and wanted to make it myself.
[274] It's really good.
[275] I will say that.
[276] I'm not a fan of Gourleys, but man, does he make a great cocktail?
[277] Thanks, guys.
[278] It's a new hobby of mine, too.
[279] I'm a novice, so thank you.
[280] So you make cocktails.
[281] Yeah, no, have gotten really into.
[282] that my wife has.
[283] Oh, you're married?
[284] How long you've been married?
[285] Yes, I am.
[286] About a little over six months now.
[287] Wait a minute.
[288] I asked you about, I asked you to tell us about yourself, and you didn't mention that you're newly married.
[289] You mentioned that you like to make the occasional cocktail.
[290] Yeah.
[291] What the hell?
[292] What's going on?
[293] Parts of my life.
[294] Parts of my life, Conan.
[295] Okay.
[296] So you, that's a huge deal.
[297] Just giving you things.
[298] You got married.
[299] Yes, I did.
[300] Did you meet at a bar where you told her that you pretty much built the International Space Station?
[301] No, you saw how well I embellished that story.
[302] That's not going to win.
[303] Trust me. It's not interesting.
[304] I'm one of 150 million people.
[305] But I'm all last names.
[306] A useless cog, but my name is Smythe.
[307] So you've been married for six months.
[308] Wow.
[309] How long were you guys dating?
[310] We did it for six years prior to that.
[311] Oh, cool.
[312] So you've been living together for a while.
[313] I mean, it's not like it's a big transition.
[314] No, we had not been living together.
[315] So we just moved in.
[316] You've been dating for six years, but you never lived together.
[317] No. How's it going?
[318] It's going actually pretty well.
[319] We don't want to kill each other.
[320] You're always got current or hot.
[321] Yeah.
[322] No, that's a huge, that's a huge transition, you know, to go to living with someone right after you get married.
[323] That's a big transition.
[324] So, and it's a shock to the system when we move in with a member of the opposite sex.
[325] Trust me. Why are you saying it like that?
[326] I don't know.
[327] It doesn't mean anything.
[328] He hadn't met a female until he was 35.
[329] Jesus.
[330] Smythe.
[331] If I can attack all of you by days.
[332] I like you, smite.
[333] I like you.
[334] I like you, too.
[335] I had that coming, and I deserved it.
[336] And it's also you're off by two years, asshole.
[337] It was 37.
[338] 37.
[339] So, okay.
[340] Well, that's great.
[341] I mean, you are, you guys are living together now as man and wife.
[342] I approve.
[343] That's fantastic.
[344] I know that you called for my blessing.
[345] And clearly you didn't because you don't seem to give a shit.
[346] But that's terrific.
[347] That's great.
[348] And you are making cocktails.
[349] What else?
[350] What else do you have a question for Conan at all?
[351] Oh, yeah.
[352] Do you have a question for me?
[353] I do have a question for you, actually.
[354] Oh, can I say one thing?
[355] I will answer your question on one condition, that you try and help us get something podcast related onto the International Space Station.
[356] And it could be something really small, something pretty harmless, you know, something that says catechai on it, a small vial of very flammable liquid, something.
[357] Well, one of those many things.
[358] With a detonator.
[359] I can try to write a couple emails and make a couple phone calls and, you know, snap my fingers because, again, I decide what goes out.
[360] Guess what?
[361] Can I tell you something?
[362] And I'm going to use your real pronunciation just to show my growing respect for you and my need to get this done, Smith.
[363] I think that this would be great promotion for the International Space Station because this is a big podcast.
[364] I don't like to brag, but more people listen to this than have ever seen a star in the sky.
[365] That's a true, if you added up all the humans and all the stars in the universe, that's how big this podcast is.
[366] That's an actual equation that we worked out that Matt worked out shortly after the six foot five thing.
[367] I have to say, I will do this if you at least write a couple of emails, that's all.
[368] Okay.
[369] I can, I will, I give you my promise.
[370] I will do my best.
[371] What if we send up a small voice recorder so that all the astronauts up there do a little recording that we play on the podcast?
[372] It can be the first, maybe the first ever podcast from space?
[373] Probably not.
[374] I'm sure.
[375] No, there is actually, there are a couple podcasts that have gotten astronauts on.
[376] I don't want to first that bubble.
[377] Oh, Matt, but I'm sorry.
[378] Man, that's fantastic.
[379] I'll show myself in.
[380] It's Andy Richter.
[381] Andy Richter did it a week ago.
[382] We didn't know about it.
[383] Three questions with General Zod.
[384] Yeah.
[385] No, I think it doesn't have to be, I mean, yes, there's that idea, but clearly, I mean, podcasts are everywhere.
[386] I think, you know, most the, I read this recently, I think most the astronauts on the space station aren't even doing experiments anymore.
[387] They're just recording their own podcasts.
[388] It's why, yeah, it's why, no. They had a cure for cancer.
[389] They were so close, and they needed one more experiment, and they just ditched it.
[390] And they're up there talking about old cars they used to have and dates that went wrong.
[391] But anyway, okay, Smith, we'll get something up in the International Space Station.
[392] I don't know what it is.
[393] I would like it if they, we had a recording and me going, Katakai.
[394] That's good.
[395] And then every time a little door or anything, you pushed any button on the space station.
[396] Like a door that opened or a flushing of space toilet.
[397] go catacai when the toilet the space toilet flushes it goes shaz there's shaz and then there's catachai okay what's shaz remember remember you were so drunk at chill chums that you don't even remember that at all that's a new thing we do it was a thing that I talked about on the podcast when you were wasted okay so you might want to listen to it yeah I should listen um shaz yeah it's like the first time I'm hearing you all I'm not even joking we probably talked about for five minutes yeah it's blowing up the quality control on this podcast is And that's my fault.
[398] Okay, I will get us back on.
[399] What is your question for me, Smith?
[400] So I had a quandary, a question for you.
[401] So imagine that you guys are launched into space.
[402] How do you guys function as a crew?
[403] What roles do you guys take up?
[404] Who goes insane first?
[405] Basically, give me an idea of how this space travel goes.
[406] Say you're just stuck in the space capsule for a couple months traveling to Mars or something.
[407] Okay, I have very strong feelings about this, if it's okay for me to begin.
[408] I'm asking permission on this one because these guys are out of control today.
[409] What?
[410] No, it's okay.
[411] Just before you start, I'd love to go first.
[412] No, go ahead.
[413] Shaz.
[414] Try listening to this sometime.
[415] You might enjoy it.
[416] You were there.
[417] Oh, anyway.
[418] Okay, first of all, it would be a similar dynamic to what you see here.
[419] We don't change as people.
[420] It's just in zero gravity.
[421] and under constrained conditions.
[422] I don't think I go crazy first because I would posit that I'm gone already.
[423] I think I'm on balance now on Earth.
[424] I don't think I change that drastically when you put me in space.
[425] I think Gorley goes crazy first because Sona, I've seen you be very chill in very intense situations.
[426] Gorley, you're a fussy fellow who likes your life the way you like it.
[427] And all your little chotchkees would be floating around.
[428] This is a guy who carries a briefcase telling me this.
[429] I don't have a briefcase.
[430] I've seen you come in with a little brown leather briefcase.
[431] No, that's a mailman's bag.
[432] It's a mailman's bag.
[433] That's even worse.
[434] But no, no, no. Let me finish here.
[435] You're just wrong.
[436] You like your life the way you like it.
[437] Everything is just so.
[438] And Sona and I have been in the trenches and some crazy stuff over the years.
[439] I think you have always, you've always enjoyed.
[440] you know, the music you wanted to hear when you wanted to hear it and the little snacks you wanted just when you wanted them.
[441] I got Smith to ship all this up there for me. I know.
[442] No, but it's going to be floating around.
[443] That's just it.
[444] That's even better.
[445] It's going to be floating around and you're going to get very uptight and you're going to say, where's my...
[446] Yeah.
[447] What do you mean?
[448] Where's my little...
[449] I even know he's talking about.
[450] I, well, no. I'm definitely not going crazy first.
[451] I know, that's for sure.
[452] And I'm not because I'm there.
[453] I'm there.
[454] And that's what I was going to say.
[455] You're all.
[456] already crazy, but how are you going to do without an audience for two months?
[457] Oh, all my bits in zero gravity, I get to do every bit that I've been trying out since I was a kid in zero gravity.
[458] I'm, I don't need anybody.
[459] I'm going to be so happy up there.
[460] I swear to God, me doing my schick in zero gravity.
[461] I mean, first, the first two years are going to be me doing the string dance in zero gravity and no one can even get my attention.
[462] It doesn't come back down though, Conan.
[463] The string doesn't come back down.
[464] You just keep going up.
[465] You're going to be stuck in the position, and you're going to have to manually force your leg back down.
[466] You could eject me from the spaceship, and I could do one pull on the string dance, which rocket me towards the sun.
[467] Little thrusters.
[468] Yeah.
[469] Have you guys ever seen the movie Sunshine?
[470] This is what would happen.
[471] You would end up, like Mark Strong in that movie.
[472] They wouldn't hear from us for decades, and then they'd find you burned by the sun, having murdered everybody in the space station.
[473] Yeah, okay, but that's not going.
[474] Still eating a potato.
[475] Yeah.
[476] Yeah, that's not going, that's not me going crazy.
[477] That's me realizing a dream.
[478] Oh.
[479] Yeah, fair enough.
[480] Oh, he went crazy.
[481] What did he do?
[482] He killed gorely.
[483] Oh.
[484] I don't think he went crazy.
[485] That's just normal behavior.
[486] He's okay then.
[487] He achieved his lifelong ambition.
[488] Is my life in danger?
[489] No, you're fine.
[490] For now.
[491] You're going to be murdered.
[492] So I think, I think it would be a fantastic experience, you know?
[493] And I think we could add greatly to sciences, knowledge of space.
[494] So Conan, are you taking the lead role?
[495] Are you the captain on this mission?
[496] I'm not.
[497] Excuse me, I am.
[498] I'm mutining.
[499] What are you talking about?
[500] I'm not.
[501] Wait a minute.
[502] Wait a minute.
[503] Why is this up for debate?
[504] That's insane.
[505] You can operate like a car fob even, like much less a phone or a computer.
[506] He's not wrong.
[507] It's called Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[508] And you guys are terrific, smaller players.
[509] But you can't put me, you can't make me answer to Gourley or answer to Sona.
[510] That's more.
[511] It's going to be called Conan O 'Brien crashes a spaceship.
[512] He's not wrong.
[513] Here's the thing.
[514] If there's something mechanically wrong that needs to be fixed, like physically, somebody needs to actually fix it, I don't think you'll do that.
[515] I know Gourley will do that.
[516] I don't think you'll do that.
[517] You need me. Are you handy?
[518] He's the handiest one.
[519] You are pretty handy.
[520] No, but you're still not in charge.
[521] Scotty on Star Trek was not in charge.
[522] The captain was in charge, and then he'd tell Scotty get the engines working, and Scottie would do it.
[523] That's the dynamic.
[524] But what if Scottie doesn't do it?
[525] Yeah, but what are you contributing?
[526] I have an amazing personality.
[527] That doesn't matter in space.
[528] Guess what?
[529] I have zero gravity hair on Earth's gravity.
[530] So imagine what it's going to be like up there, you know?
[531] I just don't know what you're bringing to the table besides lots of bits.
[532] 28 years of America's love.
[533] Hold on a second.
[534] I'm doing the math right now.
[535] Well, I was on for 28 years.
[536] I want to say a solid three of America's love.
[537] But I think, it's not even up for discussion.
[538] I am the alpha.
[539] And I'm not saying it's...
[540] You're the elf.
[541] I'm not saying it's a good thing.
[542] I didn't say it was a good thing.
[543] It's just going to happen.
[544] Okay.
[545] Okay.
[546] All right.
[547] All right.
[548] Well, Smith, it's been very nice talking to you.
[549] I don't think we accomplished anything.
[550] But we never...
[551] No, this will never air.
[552] This, I'm coming into this, talking with the producers.
[553] I understood this would never see it.
[554] No, no, no. This is going out there if, you know, the whole space porn thing alone has created some images.
[555] Something a lot of people might want to forget.
[556] No, no, once you hear it, a roping, ejaculate, spinning through the air, impregnating everyone in its path.
[557] No one's going to forget that.
[558] You live till you've made space jizz art. Well, I thank you.
[559] you guys for your time and I'm also for getting probably fired Smith, Mulliken, you're the first man ever on a Kona fan to end the interview for your own good judgment and sense of propriety and I congratulate you, thank you.
[560] Well, thank you guys so much and also I must say just real quick, your YouTube channel I watched a lot that's one of the ways I got really into being a Conan fan originally.
[561] I actually found out about people's deaths through the YouTube channel because they were so quick to publish things with that person.
[562] I know.
[563] It's clear that people will no longer want to be interviewed by me. You'll say everyone you talk to died suddenly.
[564] You know what?
[565] We worked really hard on that stuff and devoted a lifetime to it.
[566] So it makes me very happy that people are seeing that stuff on YouTube and then finding their way to us here on this show.
[567] So thank you.
[568] Thank you for saying that.
[569] And anyone who heard that, go check us out on the YouTube channel and find out which celebrity died this week.
[570] Yes, it's Team Coco.
[571] Team Coco.
[572] Sorry, in case they're looking for it, it's the Team Coco channel on YouTube.
[573] This is why you're captain.
[574] Yeah.
[575] Sona just made herself captain, and guess what?
[576] Anyone who gets the plug in for our own products should be captain.
[577] Okay, I quit.
[578] I don't want to be captain.
[579] Thanks a lot, Smith.
[580] Really nice to meet you.
[581] Bye, Smith.
[582] Take care.
[583] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[584] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[585] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[586] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[587] Supervising producer Aaron Blair.
[588] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[589] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[590] Engineed by Will Bechton.
[591] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[592] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.