#330 - Eddie Huang

[0] podcast check it out the jo rogan experience train my day joe rogan podcast my night all day powerful eddie wong is in the building and that's h u a n g what's up motherfuckers people people searching w ong like us silly silly unformed americans it is funny that um like they have to change those those characters and translate your name into english and put it into a sound and different people had disputes on how you should do that.

[1] It's fucking crazy because it's like taking a photo and being like, how's that photo sound?

[2] Right.

[3] You know, like it's pretty impossible.

[4] Yeah, well, the way you said that, it's like taking a photo because the way you guys look at like language, the Chinese characters, it's totally different.

[5] It's a different way of looking at the whole world.

[6] Yeah.

[7] That's a mind fucking a half right there.

[8] It's kind of caveman stees because it's like, all right, I want to say this.

[9] I'm going to draw it out.

[10] You know?

[11] But it's cool.

[12] It's very like, it's an art. fucking language.

[13] Yeah, I definitely like it a lot.

[14] Well, it's good, it looks good on people when you tattoo it too.

[15] Yes, yes, but the funniest shit is like white boy Asian tattoos like I don't remember seeing my dude.

[16] He's like, hey, what's the same?

[17] Like, motherfucker, that says energy on your arm.

[18] Like, you're like a Red Bull ad, bitch.

[19] You wrote energy on your arm.

[20] But that's what I am, man. I'm all about energy.

[21] Fucking good at you.

[22] All about positivity and chi.

[23] I'm all about putting out my consciousness to the universe, the Chinese tattoos.

[24] Yeah, man. They say that the Egyptian language of hieroglyphs is an even bigger mind fuck because they see everything in these like these symbols, you know, and that we are the way Americans and people read English language, the way we look at just even like the way you look at sentences, it's completely different than if you tried to read like hieroglyphics.

[25] Yeah, I mean, I don't read hieroglyphics, but I heard that shit is mad hard.

[26] They needed the stone for it, the Rosetta.

[27] stone yeah they did like yeah hieroglyphics is some shit it that's even more caveman than than Mandarin Chinese like Chinese is almost like refined hieroglyphics but it still makes no sense well the fascinating thing about the the hieroglyphics is that they depict all of the pharaohs and they depict them from you know this whatever dynasty the you know the last pharaohs existed in to what gets into like fiction they think like 30 ,000 years like then they live in like hundreds years long and they're fucking 10 feet tall it gets like real wacky like that shit gets like super super old i know the story's got like more and more screwy before anybody bothered to write them down so it makes you wonder like man how long is that hieroglyphs writing actually been around you know yo man salad tossing yoshi did give me the heads up he's like jo rogan reads a lot of books motherfucker joe rogan is a smart motherfucker well i'm just fascinated by weird shit like the Egyptian culture you know yeah no the Egyptian culture that's the cradle you know I mean that's where everybody came from supposedly yeah I mean um there's the only issue is that there's some new shit that they've been finding that's even older than that the real question when it gets to like something like uh Egypt or anywhere we've got some really really old shit is like what happens if you find shit that's way older and what do you do then like you can't say the Egypt was like the oldest like really advanced culture when you find like go beckley tepe which is in turkey which is 14 000 years old it's so much earlier than egypt but not earlier than africa in general like the out of africa theory right well go beckley tepe is right now the oldest known complex structure that a human has ever built and they know that it's at least 14 000 years old that's fucking crazy yeah not only that they know that it existed for thousands of years before was intentionally covered And they've only, I think as of right now, they've only uncovered like 5 % of the entire structure.

[28] And it's enormous.

[29] And there's a series of circles and stones.

[30] But they've done like a, whatever they do, you know, with radio waves or whatever they do to map out what's going on under the surface.

[31] And they've determined that it's massive.

[32] That's awesome.

[33] Yeah.

[34] 14 ,000 years ago.

[35] So that's even older than Egypt, you know.

[36] That's insane.

[37] Yeah.

[38] That something was happening in Turkey before that.

[39] Something huge.

[40] not just something people were able to 14 foot stone columns that have been cut and moved hundreds of tons of stone I mean these are like this is an advanced construction it doesn't dispel out of Africa though right it doesn't necessarily no no because 14 ,000 years ago it still ain't shit I mean we're talking about human beings coming out of Africa and migrating it's like millions yeah it's like what is a human you know it gets to is it you know which which different Australia epithic is like at what point in time do you decide it's an early human because at one point in time it's like fucking amoeba yeah and it goes from amoeba to being a lower primate yeah and to being a higher primate when is that that's true yeah it's all how you frame it yeah because the people you know you wouldn't want to hang out with an australia apithecus guy those fucking idiots they're gonna be a monkey man eating his own shit and fucking trying to kill your cat and you would that's not a human you know it'd be like almost a human yeah you know but i think um civilization in Mesopotamia it was like super advanced they know like 6 ,000 years ago and Turkey now being 14 ,000 years still it could go back to like 30 ,000 years and that ain't shit in terms of like the history of the earth and that would be insane for us to think that 30 ,000 years ago they had like complex cities but it's super possible yo I was talking to someone this week at TED too she was a cosmologist and she was telling me that life can survive on Mars and that people you can actually if you you're willing to commit, they will take you to Mars and you can be part of the first.

[41] If someone was saying, Joe, I could put you on a space shuttle, you could go to Mars and you could be part of the first colony, and you could basically be the fucking gangus con of Mars, would you do it?

[42] No, it's stupid.

[43] Because Mars is just like a shitty apartment on Earth.

[44] That's what it's like.

[45] It's like a shitty apartment that you can't get out of.

[46] Once you get there, that's where you're stuck.

[47] You can't go outside because there's no oxygen.

[48] You got a terraform and put a dome over it.

[49] No, see, she thinks that life can't get out of it.

[50] survive out there and like without that shit there's a march of Mars that she believes can sustain life no she's silly that's not correct but hypothetically I mean I don't say it's correct okay hypothetically you let's say it was correct you could be the don dada of a planet but it would have to be a very small area because most of Mars doesn't have is there possible that the atmosphere would vary that much where one part would be sustainable it's all alien to me you sure she wasn't talking about terraformin no she was talking about more she said life can sustain on Mars That's what she was telling me But as it is And then she showed me a media right I was like okay I kind of got fucked up By the show and tell Because the show and tell Kind of fucking threw me off I was like damn You got a rock from there Terraforming means When you go to An inhospitable climate And set up machines Like in the movie Alien Right Yeah I don't see how there's any other way To live on Mars Other than that I don't think that atmosphere is thick enough And that would be so scary If like those machines broke one day Or someone died at once Oh yeah And died slow of asphyxiation when the air slowly gets eaten up by you.

[51] Yeah, if someone told me you could go to Mars and there's everything you need and it's terraforming and Con Ed was in charge, I would never fucking go.

[52] Listen, man, even if it was...

[53] You don't have Con Ed in L .A., obviously, but in New York, Con Eddard fucks everything up.

[54] We have the same thing.

[55] It's like all municipal.

[56] I don't even know.

[57] The fuck shit up out here.

[58] Who fuck shit up?

[59] Who's your electricity to do the fuck shit up?

[60] Edison.

[61] Yeah.

[62] Oh, the motherfucker up.

[63] Well, they, L .A. was famous for the brownouts back in the day.

[64] where they just started shutting power off and basically they didn't have to do it they were doing it it was all a greed thing somehow another they were making a fuckload of money doing that I don't remember what the scam was but people I believe lost their job and even went to jail for that shit those brownouts yeah no but Mars I was thinking I was like man I don't want to go to Mars she said you can go but you can never come back I was like hell no okay let me ask you this would you go to the desert would you go to the middle of the Sahara where there ain't shit and it's dangerous so you could die out there for no reason I would go to see it but never to go stay forever hell no but that's Mars Mars is just like going out into the Mojave yeah they ain't shit out there yeah you know what she said though she said mad people from her classes and the other professor she knows wanted to go they were all wanting to sign up to go to Mars you gotta be an egotistical motherfucker to be like I want to be the first one on this bullshit planet well some people are silly that's a silly thing to do to go to another planet where you can't get back fuck that especially if like Lance Bass is going isn't he the one that's like out in space and shit the backstreet boy in sync dude in space is uh is he out in space he's tried he's like one of the first ones then he was oh he has done it right he did it with like the Russian cosmonauts right I think so yeah yeah no right if they were like you gotta go to Mars and Lance Bass is there would not fucking go yeah it'd be horrible Lance Bass gives good foot massages oh really it's cool to hang out with oh you got a foot massage from Lance Bass I said maybe maybe I'm just I think you're on to something better than, you know, going by yourself to Mars.

[65] You know, maybe Lance Bass is a hell of a conversationalist.

[66] And halfway through the six -month trip, you're like, you know, this guy's starting to fucking grow on me. He's like the white Lloyd from Entourage.

[67] I never watched Antaraj.

[68] They kind of got like the same hair.

[69] It was a horrible show.

[70] I only watched it once.

[71] I just watched to see what happened to the Asian dude.

[72] And I don't know if it was a fair representative of the show.

[73] I only watched it once.

[74] And I was like, okay, what the fuck's going on here?

[75] What are they watching?

[76] Wasn't the Asian dude gay?

[77] He was mad gay He was so funny He ate a lot of cum pal Yeah Would you go to Mars Would you if you knew it was dope If you knew it was like Alaska in the summer Just beautiful green Like they have the Bush company I would go You know No if I could go to Mars and come back Hell yeah I would go If you could go and come back What if you could go and come back But it was only a 90 % chance of success Success meaning like Life life coming back.

[78] Yeah, like 10 % possibility that there might be a fucking solar flare while you're in the middle of the flight back and everybody in the plane gets cooked.

[79] No, I wouldn't need 100%.

[80] Like, I'm not, I won't even get laser eye surgery because it's not like 200%.

[81] Like, my brother's all got laser eye surgery.

[82] I was like, you Chinese, you should not be fucking with your eyes.

[83] You already fucked up.

[84] And now you're going to introduce this new element of surgery?

[85] Hell no. Well, they supposedly had it down pretty good.

[86] What level would you be willing to do it?

[87] Like 200%.

[88] 200%.

[89] I don't think that's...

[90] How could they do it?

[91] It doesn't even make any sense.

[92] No, it would need to be 100%.

[93] 100%.

[94] But even if the air flight, Air flight's not 100%, you know?

[95] Come from New York to L .A. You might as well.

[96] Look.

[97] All right, if it was at 97 % I will go.

[98] I'll deal with a 3 % like plus minus.

[99] I would imagine that if people keep going the way we're going now, in a thousand years from now, getting to Mars would be just like going to New York.

[100] Oh, that would be awesome.

[101] If we don't blow each other up in a thousand years, just imagine what we've done in 200 years.

[102] In a thousand years, they'll be plane flights to Mars.

[103] That would be dope.

[104] It'd be so fast, like, shi -h -h -h -h -h -h -h.

[105] Five hours later, you're on Mars.

[106] Did you say your percent was 7 %?

[107] 97.

[108] Oh, 97.

[109] Yeah.

[110] I would love to go.

[111] I would love to go.

[112] I just want to see that shit.

[113] If you had a choice between going to another planet or going back in time.

[114] Ooh.

[115] that's a good call because going back in time you kind of know what you could see but man going back in time well I would probably you know I would want to go to Mars because going back in time the other times we've had it's like less amenable do you know what I mean like there's more diseases right you don't get killed as easily like you get shanked you know when you die back in the day you get shanked right it's not like a bullet in the head you could die easily now I would rather go to the future than go backwards for safety's sake not just safety's sake but I want to see the next shit right there's not really yeah I'm not like Woody Allen where there's a period in time of like I would love to be a 1920s Paris you know Woody Allen you know we'd love to be a 1930s Italian you know like right hell no man like motherfuckers didn't have AC I'm with you I would way rather see the future like a peak at the future than a peak at the past but if it had if I had to choose between going to Mars or going to the past I I'd take the pass without a doubt.

[116] I would love to see how people lived thousands of years ago.

[117] Yeah, man, to just peek in on Genghis Khan.

[118] Oh, hell yeah.

[119] How dopely it be.

[120] But you would get fucked up so heavy going to see Genghis Khan.

[121] Like, that's, I thought about it.

[122] I would ride with Genghis Khan.

[123] I'd be, motherfucker, I ride for you.

[124] Just pull up in a tank.

[125] Yeah.

[126] Pull up in a tank, light these motherfuckers on fire with machine guns.

[127] They won't know what's going on it.

[128] And you would be the king.

[129] You would like, dingis, you have to suck my dick in front of everybody.

[130] Oh, see, I want to go back in time with a fucking, like, iPad.

[131] and be with Genghis Khan and just be like yo You're the original Rough Rider You're like DMX before DMX You're the fucking chinky eye DMX I want to film this shit And make a Rough Riders video With all you Mongolians on horses And fucking crossbows and shit He would make you eat your own calves That's what he would do Saw your calf off And make you cook it and eat it He would rob me from my iPad And throw me in a pot You know like Yeah Chillin with Genghis Khan would suck dude He would either Fuck my mom And be like I want to genetically duplicate myself in your mom or chop me up and put me in a pot.

[132] I've been listening to Dan Carlin.

[133] He would Mongolian barbecue my ass.

[134] Dan Carlin was our guest on Monday, and he has a podcast called Hardcore History.

[135] And right now it's all about the Mongols.

[136] That's all he's been talking about.

[137] I love the Mongols.

[138] It's like the illest civilization ever.

[139] Great barbecue.

[140] Listen, man, their style is like meat over fire, because they're, that's what you do when you're raping and killing people.

[141] It's that baby corn.

[142] That baby corn that Mongolians have.

[143] It's so amazing.

[144] Baby corn.

[145] What is it about baby corn?

[146] It's so much more exciting than regular corn.

[147] That Mongolian produce, that fucking baby corn.

[148] The story of the Mongols and how much they accomplished.

[149] And they took over countries and then they would force the people in that country to go with them to war.

[150] And they would become soldiers.

[151] Like they would invade Poland.

[152] and steal Polish people.

[153] They made French people fight against other Europeans.

[154] They go, bitch, you're coming with us, and you're going to be us now.

[155] Yeah.

[156] What are you going to do?

[157] You're going to fight for us?

[158] You're going to die right now.

[159] Yeah.

[160] I'll fight.

[161] And they just start fighting other people.

[162] They go incorporate them into their army.

[163] Like, they had crazy strategy.

[164] And everyone joined their crew.

[165] Everyone joined their crew.

[166] And it was like, he was basically Drogo from Game of Thrones in real life.

[167] But even more fucked up because after you would conquer, like the people that were left, They would say, okay, congratulations, we won.

[168] There's no one left to kill, so you're free to go.

[169] And then the three miles later, they'd fucking run them down and hack them to bits.

[170] Oh, wow.

[171] Oh, dude, this Dan Carlin guy, he's a trip, man. He's a serious historian, and especially this whole period that he's going over right now.

[172] It's fucking great to live in 1 ,200, you know?

[173] Yeah.

[174] Jesus Christ, the nutty shit that that guy was going through.

[175] just they said that some insane percentage of the population of that area has his DNA oh he's the most duplicated man in the world ever ever like if there's one person i love myself i'm not an egotistical dude but i do kind of like myself if i could be any other man though it would be gangis con no doubt like i wouldn't think twice gangis con is the hardest motherfucker ever yeah he got a lot of place you wouldn't want to be so he was so mean yeah he was What did you want to be that mean?

[176] If you went back in time like that, though, you couldn't be that mean.

[177] You'd be like, God, why are we torturing everybody?

[178] But that's so much pussy, Joe.

[179] I mean, that was tons of pussy.

[180] Well, it was constant.

[181] It was constant pussy.

[182] Yeah.

[183] Yeah, they would, like, steal each other's wives and shit back then.

[184] Like, dudes were just, it was, we were like chimps with swords.

[185] You know, that's what human beings were like.

[186] If you could give chimps a bunch of swords, they would do terrible, horrible shit.

[187] you know we don't think about human beings as being capable of doing terrible horrible shit but even today if you look at some of the accounts of what's going on in north korea oh my god those north korea in syria oh man it's bad there's parts of the world every there's there's always going to be parts of the world where it's terrible and people are capable in those parts of the world of doing shit that you only read about in history books yeah it's going on right now dennis rodman going to north korea yes insane yes i tweeted that today is he out of his fucking mind oh no no man they're not gonna like him in north korea i don't think he understands what north korea is he's going over there to do some sort of a harlem globe globetter's thing oh yeah i don't know man americans can't really wrap their head around how fucked up north korea is right it's fucked up so it's nazi germany yeah just like nazi germany yeah exactly i was gonna say you're walking into like hitler's country it's crazy it's crazy the whole country anyone trying to leave they kill at the border oh yeah and there's so many slaves yeah they have so many slaves and they have these slave colonies where they're making these people work for like half a bowl of rice a day they're starving to death they keep them just barely above starving that they beat them to death constantly they feed them to dogs like people that have escaped who have told stories the human rights violations that we're hearing from north korea like all that shit about going iraq you know because we're going over there to fucking protect lives and enforce democracy yeah if we really wanted to protect lives we would be in north North Korea right now.

[188] We would be in North Korea.

[189] We'd be in Syria.

[190] Yeah, you're right.

[191] That place, especially North Korea.

[192] I'm more familiar with that than I am with what's going on in Syria.

[193] But North Korea is a crazy mess right now.

[194] Yeah.

[195] No, absolutely.

[196] Our country is not a country that's out there benevolently in country.

[197] It's just really to protect the business interests at hand.

[198] And, like, that's one of the things.

[199] Like, you know, which movie did you want to win the Oscar?

[200] I'm curious.

[201] I don't give a fuck about the Oscars.

[202] Really?

[203] I think that awards for art are some of the dumbest.

[204] It is.

[205] Yeah, to judge art. To judge art. I'm interested, though, just because I'm like, will they pick the right one this year?

[206] You know what I mean?

[207] I'm only curious to see if one day they'll do the right thing because I was like, Django was the best shit out.

[208] Jango was the hardest movie out this year.

[209] It should have won.

[210] That was a great movie.

[211] And he goes three hours.

[212] It never lost my attention.

[213] That movie kept me going the whole time.

[214] And like to do Argo, right, you're just basically recreating some shit to happen.

[215] I don't believe it.

[216] But to see, both of those movies, the problem with those movies is they're based on real events and they add a bunch of bullshit.

[217] And it's not real.

[218] Yeah.

[219] They add a bunch of bullshit to them.

[220] And when you add a bunch of bullshit, like the woman that, like, was responsible for everything in Zero Dark Dirty that made the whole thing happen, you're going to go kill him for me. That bitch didn't exist.

[221] No. She's not a real human.

[222] You can't do that.

[223] Yeah.

[224] It's like you can't just add people to historical movies.

[225] That's crazy.

[226] Plus, if someone was going to find bin Laden, it wouldn't be a ginger.

[227] It might be the good at finding dicks.

[228] Oh!

[229] Yeah.

[230] I mean, look, the latest.

[231] lady was a great actor the movie was very well done but i call shenanigans you can't just create a fucking fictional character that figures it all out and there was no george bush like you're gonna do the whole fucking movie with no dumbass george bush fucking it up the whole thing was weird it was weird it was a weird movie man it was a very weird movie but i remember watching jang and i was like if this shit doesn't win the oscars it's bullshit it is every year it's a crock of shit it's bullshit it's ridiculous the titanic was not a good movie no it was not a good movie no it was not a good movie.

[232] It won the Oscars.

[233] You know it was good.

[234] You know what was good about Titanic?

[235] You know what's good about Titanic?

[236] Special Effects were fucking incredible.

[237] It was amazing.

[238] It was a vehicle for showing what's possible cinematically with special effects in 19, whatever the fuck it was 90 something.

[239] But as far as like a script, it's like really obvious, you know?

[240] It was hot trash.

[241] More obvious than Avatar.

[242] Avatar was like knocked for being obvious.

[243] But I thought Avatar was even more creative with like the crazy plants that you can plug into.

[244] Yeah, and the screenplay was slightly better.

[245] Yeah.

[246] Like, slightly better.

[247] And also, Avatar was actually, like, in terms of special effects, even more progressive.

[248] Yes, even more.

[249] Avatar was on some shit.

[250] But that's almost like what Cameron's movies are.

[251] It's like they're, like, he doesn't stray too far from the path when it comes to, like, a storyline.

[252] But he provides you with the state -of -the -art shit.

[253] He takes the bar and just blows it through the stratosphere.

[254] Yeah.

[255] No one came close to Avatar yet.

[256] That movie's insane.

[257] The visual experience.

[258] especially if you go to iMacs 3d motherfucker man just when those dudes were popping out of their little sleep tanks and floating through the air you're like this this movie is badass yeah i remember when i saw up in it was in 3D and i was like this is the worst use of 3D ever like it just made the Asian kid chubbier yeah there's some movies that don't really do a good job with it but avatar was stunning it was like it was more than just a movie I mean two best movies this year was fucking Django and Reckit Ralph record Ralph was one of the best movies I don't know what you're talking about I don't even know what you're talking about Oh you gotta watch record What is it?

[259] Yo you would never heard of it It's all your favorite characters From fucking video games In a video game world And it's an animated feature About all your favorite video games He might not like it Because he's not that big into the video games Wait a minute This was a release in the film This is that Disney movie Sarah Silverman is in it John C .Rollett Hey Yeah Wow I never even heard of it until just now Yeah God damn it there's too much to know Watch it with the chick That's the closest one to being like your best chick and your stable Like that's the one you should watch it with I would recommend watching it with your kids They might like it You think so?

[260] For real?

[261] Yeah Wow, okay Reck it Ralph Because it's all got a car racing I haven't even heard of it before Oh it's on iTunes right now That's crazy man When something is badass You haven't even heard of it before I mean bison from street fighters And yeah that's the best is when you're like Wait that missed me and now I have something to do this weekend?

[262] Fuck yeah.

[263] Who were we talking to recently that never heard a grizzly man?

[264] We're like, what?

[265] I don't know.

[266] Have you heard of it?

[267] The documentary?

[268] I have not.

[269] God damn it, son.

[270] How could we?

[271] But I'm also Chinese.

[272] When was this?

[273] Grizzly man?

[274] Fairly recently.

[275] Oh, I kind of missed certain cultural things.

[276] Six years ago maybe, something like that.

[277] You didn't get a grizzly man is a movie about a dude who lived with the bears.

[278] I heard about this.

[279] Yeah, people told me about this, but I was like, I'm not interested.

[280] It wasn't in the World Journal.

[281] Dude, listen, you need to smoke a joint and watch this and laugh.

[282] He got eaten by a bear?

[283] Laugh, you dick off at this silly, silly bitch.

[284] This guy might be the silliest bitch to ever go camping.

[285] And, yeah, he was crazy.

[286] And the bear ate him at the end of the movie.

[287] It's a fascinating.

[288] Because it's not meant to be funny.

[289] It's a Werner Herzog film.

[290] Oh, okay.

[291] It's not meant to be funny.

[292] Okay.

[293] But it's just funny.

[294] I mean, it's like the perfect Cohen Brothers movie.

[295] You know how like Cohen Brothers movies?

[296] It's like...

[297] Yeah, dark and accident...

[298] Yeah, accidentally funny almost.

[299] It's like Fargo.

[300] Fargo's a funny fucking movie.

[301] Fargo's amazing.

[302] But yeah, I didn't even understand Fargo until I was 20.

[303] Because when you're younger and watching, you're like, what is going on?

[304] Why?

[305] Why do they do this?

[306] And then you're older, like, I fucking hate people.

[307] I hate to die.

[308] All of you in the woodship machine.

[309] When you get used to people being bullshit artists, that's when the salesman and his fucking true coat becomes so much.

[310] much more entertaining when you run into like one of those bullshit salesmen is just trying so hard to sell you this fucking bullshit that you spray in the bottom of your car.

[311] You hit 19 and then you just want to see people die.

[312] Then you want to see them die.

[313] It's so unfortunate.

[314] Why is that?

[315] Not all of them.

[316] Just the cunts of the world.

[317] Just a useless fucks clogging it up for everybody else.

[318] Yep.

[319] Yeah, but that movie, Grizzly Man is a must.

[320] It's a must.

[321] Is there a must that you would like to recommend to people?

[322] Do you have a must that you you tell people, like you have to see this.

[323] Man, I mean, this year was record Ralph and Django, but before that, I mean, hmm.

[324] It's been Grizzly, man, since I saw it.

[325] That's all I recommend to people.

[326] Man. No, those are my ones this year, but no, yeah, I don't have like a go -to -must movie.

[327] Can you imagine how big a grizzly bear is compared to that werewolf out there?

[328] Do you know, that werewolf would fuck me up.

[329] Spirit of way.

[330] It would fuck you up, but a grizzly would eat that werewolf.

[331] A grizzly would be like, bitch.

[332] Get the fuck over here.

[333] That werewolf is big, man. That werewolf is fucking big.

[334] The werewolf is like, that's only like seven feet long.

[335] Have you seen Spirited Away?

[336] Um, why don't you tell me what that is?

[337] Spirited Away is a animation, the Japanese animated film.

[338] Yeah, and it's really, really, uh, trippy.

[339] And it's a real cool, uh, animation to see why you're really stoned.

[340] How old is this?

[341] Uh, 2001, I think.

[342] Oh, okay.

[343] I think I have seen that.

[344] Is that, uh, what's the guy's name?

[345] Um, um, Heyo Miyaki or something Something like that Is it a good movie Is this a good way I do believe I've seen that Now that I think about it I think I have It's with the little girl And the big cat And the weird faces and stuff It's really cool Yeah I do I do think I've seen that Is that yours?

[346] That's one of them That's one of my I have movies that I can watch Over and over and over again That's like one of them Like that's relaxing You know It can't get annoying Because it's so relaxing And calm and cool That's the opposite of Grizzly man I thought Tron was pretty cool too The new Tron Did you really?

[347] You would recommend that?

[348] I wouldn't recommend it But I think that year I might have been That would have been in my like A handful of movies I just thought it was trippy to watch Well I think to you was like it represented You know the old days The old Tron I was a huge Tron fan Yeah if you're a Tron fan I can see it But it was a piece of shit Yeah It was cool to watch The special effects were weird It was so obvious It wasn't really a young him It was like they did something to his face And turned him into a young man That was creepy I mean I guess the one film i recommend to everyone is kill a season right cameron's killer season what is that joel santanas and all the dipset dudes are in it it's like the worst made who are the dipset oh you don't listen to the dip set oh shit is anyone is i just put you on to know what the dip set yo y 'all don't know the dipset my grandfather's rolling over his grave i told you these fucking kids today y 'all don't know the dipset if you just asked my grandson y 'all don't know the dipset I just, son of him, pull your fucking pants up.

[349] I just put you on to some shit, Joe, because you need to get diplomatic immunity one, diplomatic immunity two.

[350] Okay, I'm writing this down.

[351] And then watch Kill a season.

[352] What am I talking about, though?

[353] What are we talking about, American women shitting cocaine out of their asses?

[354] It's awesome.

[355] Did you guys, I was going to bring this up yesterday.

[356] Did you guys hear about this guy who got arrested with a hundred bags of heroin up his ass?

[357] No, a hundred bags?

[358] A hundred bags.

[359] It was a traffic stop.

[360] It's his asshole, the sinkhole.

[361] you have a sinkhole in your pants sir it's a hundred bags of heroin man yeah a hundred the man oh oh jesus oh my okay i i look i look this kill the season no no this one okay this guy just had one okay this the other guy had it in his ass one guy just had 200 bags i'm like did someone just take it to the next level and go 200 bags oh there we are hell rel and juels right here this is from killed season and this is a movie yes white shit is moving there's no white shit is killing a block right now this is a terrible movie oh this movie is amazing you already know my nigga wow you gotta watch this shit be spot who that's what it is Ooh, that's Hot work You go, my nigga I'm talking about Yeah, man There's peep out here, baby I know white stuff, man Wow, this is like that ASAP Rocky song They're playing right now Yes, they are All from Harlem, all these dudes Wow You gotta watch killer season So this dude gets busted On the Palisades Parkway They pull him over In his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer And he's acting real weird and so they decided to bring him in so they bring him in and they open up his ass they just gave him a cavity check I mean the guy didn't do anything wrong yeah and they pulled him over he just looked weird he was tweaking out on his own something was going on with him man he was pulled over I mean routine traffic stop but they they detected a smell of marijuana and that's where they that's where they got him and they brought him in because they smelled marijuana that's it and he had a hundred bags of heroin up his ass and you can't put a hundred bags of heroin up your ass while the cops are going from their car to your car you can't do that so he was driving around yeah with those packed up his ass what an idiot why would you drive around and smoke weed with a hundred packs of heroin in your ass well I think he's just one of those guys that's his move maybe it's like how like Russian chicks would put Benoit balls and their pussy to tighten up their must their fuck muscle maybe this dude was just like exercising his ass stories Starfish.

[362] Yeah, he's just working out that starfish.

[363] Maybe he didn't trust his roommate.

[364] He's like, man, if I leave this 100 bags of heroin layered around, these motherfuckers are going to sell it.

[365] He went to the gym.

[366] He was like, man, I can't fit it in my pocket.

[367] Hmm.

[368] I can't leave it in my dash.

[369] Let's work out that starfish.

[370] The glove box is full.

[371] Hmm.

[372] Maybe I just stuffed this up my ass.

[373] Hmm, can I fit a hundred bags?

[374] Well, let's see.

[375] Five.

[376] Five, six.

[377] Wow, am I really going to get 94 more bills?

[378] Have you ever put anything up your ass, like, like a pill or anything ever?

[379] Like a nipple.

[380] Washcloth?

[381] Washcloth?

[382] Yeah, a finger in the end of a washcloth.

[383] Oh, I've never done that.

[384] Yeah, clean it out.

[385] Make sure you get it.

[386] Oh, wow.

[387] It seemed like a good idea.

[388] Oh, my God.

[389] Like an ass manicure?

[390] A little soap, a little polish.

[391] Oh, interesting.

[392] Yeah, I've never done that.

[393] No, have you?

[394] No, I was just, I've never even taken it.

[395] A thermometer.

[396] A thermometer, yeah.

[397] I had a doctor stick a finger up my ass once.

[398] Yeah, I had to, like, when you're a kid, when you have a fever, they fucking put, like, Advil in your ass, I think.

[399] Yeah.

[400] It's, I've never been into the girl putting a finger in my ass.

[401] No. Oh, no. Never had that happen.

[402] But they say it's amazing.

[403] It's so, I just, I don't want to go there.

[404] I'm not going to open that box.

[405] It's supposed to be amazing, though.

[406] It could be amazing.

[407] It's supposed to be like a prostate massage thing.

[408] Oh, you shoot like a fucking broken fucking fucking fucking fucking.

[409] fire hydrant.

[410] Joe, I think you're pretty much saying that you've done it.

[411] No. I would admit it, man. So the third sponsor of the podcast is Fingers of the ass.

[412] So guys, go to forward backslash Joe Rogan, finger up the ass .com.

[413] 10 % and get a pinky.

[414] Don't ask for it.

[415] Use the code name.

[416] Don't ask for the third finger.

[417] And you can save yourself 10 % off embarrassment.

[418] Yeah, because a girl, like, if she's like, you want me to put a second in finger?

[419] And you're like, yeah.

[420] Yeah, what about a third?

[421] Okay, no. No, you're fucked up.

[422] What's wrong with you?

[423] You want three?

[424] He wanted me three fingers up his ass.

[425] Oh, you need to get out.

[426] You need a better man in your life.

[427] You ever had a piss break real quick?

[428] My bad.

[429] You've never had a girl try?

[430] I've had a girl try.

[431] A lot of them always try, like jokingly sometimes.

[432] You never let it happen?

[433] Oh, no, no, no. That tickles and makes me feel gross.

[434] I'm one of the people that believe or subscribe into the thing that that there's you're not allowed to look at it you're not allowed to see it you're not allowed to smell it you're not allowed to touch it I don't want anything around my ass Nothing around your asses I don't know why Hey man, whatever It's good It's probably a mess I mean I don't see you like grooming Yeah I don't see you like getting down there With a fucking mirror And a big three blade Who has time for that Joe polishing that area up nice Cleaning it up for company No No But meanwhile if a girl's going 69 on you her eyeballs are like fucking inches away from that dirty disaster with an asshole of yours do you let girls eat your ass do you talk let them toss your salad ever have you ever I've never had that I've had the girls uh get to the balls and the taint but I've never had a girl just mom mom nom nom nom on your ass and you eat it ass right I've seen it in porn I've seen it in porn I've looked certain things we can't discuss in this program when I eat my wife's ass is one of them no I mean in the prior in the Well, and then that's even less likely to be brought up.

[435] Chicks don't want to hear about that.

[436] So it was okay to eat ass before we were married.

[437] I didn't even know you.

[438] I didn't know you existed.

[439] I ate a little ass before I knew you existed.

[440] Whatever.

[441] You couldn't have waited until it was the special one.

[442] You couldn't have waited.

[443] Eating ass is something that came later to me in life, like, you know, like blue cheese.

[444] Like, you don't like blue cheese must have your life.

[445] And the one day you're like, you know, this is really good.

[446] Like, I didn't like eating out.

[447] Now I love eating a girl's ass.

[448] It's one of my favorite things ever.

[449] well like how long ago did this start for you uh like when you started dating freaks because you went through the brian red band you went into your brian red band freak period a few years back it's coincidentally right when we started doing this podcast yeah i think it was right around that time maybe right before you got introduced into the world of girls with troubled childhoods and then boom you were off to the races 33 33 or 34 years you were off the races and the problem is when you'd you'd you'd deal with like the world of uber freak professional sex workers essentially you know that's what you're dealing with and then to try to go from that to like some girl who like you know is working on her accounting degree you know is there any hope or are you kind of spoiled you're spoiled right yeah you're fucked well you know look man let's be honest you're batting quite a bit over your head all right and uh that's hard to keep going in the regular world because in the regular world girls will eventually get mad at you in the porn world they're just happening that they have a man like they're happy that someone's there for them and someone loves them doesn't just treat them as something to just come inside of you know so they're like they want to be cuddled and taken care of and they're like really like do you go back and watch Nickelodeon you don't go watch Nickelodeon right like once you've seen all the other shit you don't go watch Nickelodeon you're right I love Doug at the time but I don't watch Doug anymore there's there's a style of super sexual woman that you're only going to get from a chick that's like probably willing to do porn like a girl who wants to have threesomes with you girl wants to eat your ass while you're fucking another guy girl I'm just telling Brian I see his future you're gonna have to go gay is what I'm trying to say it's like it's not gonna work out if you get rid of the final frontier for you dude I think for real I think that like you know like if you just want to fuck okay and that's why it's way more fun to just date a bunch of freaks you know I mean if you're just trying to fuck the problem is if you want to like really settle down and have a relationship a lot of girls who have been involved in the adult industry in quotes they've had a fucked up past and that you're dealing with like do you think if a woman if you think if a woman's a nympho and you date a nympho for like a year and a half two years that that you would then become a nympho because you have to be on her same it's like you You know, it's like sharing a jackdiana.

[450] No, I don't think so.

[451] I think it's a theme park that you leave.

[452] You know?

[453] The theme park that you leave.

[454] Yeah.

[455] I like that.

[456] That's a good way of looking at it.

[457] Yeah, there's some girls.

[458] There's some girls, I did a girl once that couldn't come.

[459] She couldn't come.

[460] Like, she never had orgasms.

[461] But she wanted to fuck all the time.

[462] It was craziness.

[463] They want to keep trying.

[464] No, she couldn't do it.

[465] Like, she did, like, and everybody says, oh, you just didn't know how to make her come.

[466] She didn't even know how to make her come.

[467] Like, nobody knew how to make her come.

[468] wait she could never finger herself and make herself come there was like one way where she could get herself to come but it was really hard and it didn't always work but it was like one position the whole thing was it was a real crazy sort of situation because you knew that sex feels good for her but you always felt guilty because she couldn't come she'd get wet and shit right yeah she'd love to fuck yeah that was the crazy thing it's like something was off you know but she wanted to fuck all the time but if you'd date a girl who wants to fuck all the time and then you date a girl doesn't want to fuck all the time especially if you're used to it and you like it you're like um hey but you're awake and i'm awake and we're right here and uh we can just take our clothes off and fuck like why wouldn't we do that i don't want to like whoa that doesn't even make sense to a dude no that's a useless that's a useless partner yeah to a dude it's like well half the the thing is we're supposed to be looking for as many opportunities as possible to fuck that's why we're boyfriend girlfriend right So what are we doing here?

[469] You don't want to fuck?

[470] Okay, you don't want to fuck, but there's nothing holding you back.

[471] If you're not fucking, you're talking, and then you're in trouble.

[472] But if nothing's holding you back, like, it's not like you have, like, I would love to fuck right now, but I have to go to work.

[473] You know, I have to leave.

[474] I'm late.

[475] That's one thing.

[476] Yeah.

[477] But if it's like, oh, I'm not in the mood.

[478] Yeah.

[479] Okay, you got to get rid of that bitch.

[480] It's like the summer, there's nothing on HBO and we're not fucking.

[481] That's a problem.

[482] Yeah.

[483] You got to get rid of that bitch, right?

[484] That's where probably gay dudes understand each other more better.

[485] like they probably they probably just give up the ass gaitis are so lucky did I tell you the guy at Starbucks we were talking about Grindr he's gay yeah usually had the hat on yeah because I had the hat I wear this grinder hat just for fun once in a while it's a bad idea but the guy goes oh man it's so funny you have the grinder hat I use grinder every day he's like I've used it three times this weekend so far and I was like what do you do and he goes oh it's just like hey there's a guy at pavilions down the street the grocery store he wants he's down to fuck right now I could go with him.

[486] We can go fucking a car somewhere in the back alley or get a blowjob.

[487] And then I come back to work.

[488] You know, it's...

[489] Wow.

[490] Yeah.

[491] They're lucky.

[492] Well, you can definitely look at it that way.

[493] But they have the...

[494] But they're into dick.

[495] Yeah.

[496] That's a fail.

[497] Yeah.

[498] It is a fail.

[499] You know?

[500] I mean, don't you think about that even when a girl's willing to fuck you?

[501] Like, when you have sex with your girl, don't...

[502] I always think, like, why do you like dick?

[503] Like, what is going on here?

[504] Why do you like dudes?

[505] Like, why would you like a guy?

[506] Like, I don't get it.

[507] I don't understand.

[508] the attraction to a man you know so when i don't ask i'm just glad they like this medium asian dick yeah i'm not saying i'm not i'm not saying that there's anything wrong with you know being a heterosexual woman all i'm saying is i don't understand it just like you you wouldn't understand like being a gay dude either but if you were so afflicted with that predilection and you did that's what you enjoyed yeah i would i would imagine it's a freer life i just i just love that they love it.

[509] It's great.

[510] Like, I'm really glad you like this shit.

[511] Because I got a lot of it.

[512] There's a gay couple down the street from me, and they're like, they're trying to fit in.

[513] I mean, they do fit in.

[514] There's great neighbors.

[515] But they're trying to fit in, like, a regular family.

[516] Like, they adopted a kid, and, you know, they do all the same shit that regular families do.

[517] You know, not that there's anything unregular about, well, there is something unregular about two gay dudes, obviously.

[518] But I think it's great.

[519] It's great.

[520] It's totally great.

[521] And the thing is, like, you shouldn't try to fit in.

[522] Like, you're Asian, you're black, you're gay.

[523] Like, just be that.

[524] Yeah.

[525] You know what I mean?

[526] Well, but I mean, by trying to fit in, I shouldn't have probably said it that way.

[527] But what I meant was that they're, you know, they live like a normal family.

[528] They're like, they're gay, married couple with a kid, you know.

[529] And a lot of people have a hard time with that, man. It's really interesting.

[530] I think here, like, California is probably as loose as it gets with how people, like, view that.

[531] Like, I don't know what kind of grief they catch.

[532] but all the people that I know around them are like totally normal with it yeah but you know it's like if they wanted to any one of those guys could just drive down to Santa Monica boulevard just enter into one of those clubs just pull your cock out and just get the grind they're on get get the slap happy on right I mean that's uh there's no place like that for dudes there's no place like that for guys we could just guarantee that you can just guarantee that you can could go and there'd be a bunch of horny chicks looking for dudes see in new york there are places like bob in the lower east side you go and there's always like a fat chick waiting for you what is bob bob is it's like this like 500 square foot hip hop like lounge situation in the lower east side they play all golden area hip hop you go in everyone sweating dancing and you always get ass and okay cupid like i i abuse okay cupid okay cupid is like a website you go on and you can literally people have box it's like just looking to fuck so it's like grinding for heterosexuals for any sexuals like you could have fucking three eyes and find some motherfucker with three eyes it wants to fuck yeah but they're also this almost the same people if you go to Craigslist and just like look in your area like looking to fuck type girls and there's like sometimes there's a picture there's never been one that I've gone oh my god yes I need to fuck this girl it has to be scary I've had one on OkCupid I found a unicorn that was pretty good I was tell us what happened it was bad it was dope it was dope I ended up taking this unicorn to Vegas once it was good wow it's a lot of fun well I think that they exist because I know that there's probably a lot of girls that are super hot that would love to freak a guy out like that a guy couldn't believe how hot they are and they just want to fuck there's a lot of crazy bitches like that there's a lot of them well in New York there's a lot of girls at work and they don't have time to go out and date and like meet dudes and pick them and they're like you know what I just I just need to sit on something.

[533] I need to sit on something.

[534] They just need to get their dick on.

[535] Yep.

[536] It's great.

[537] It would be great.

[538] It's fucking awesome.

[539] You guys need that.

[540] You don't, you have OkCupid out here.

[541] I'm sure you have OkCupid here.

[542] They have it in Boston.

[543] Yeah.

[544] Too many crazy bitches out here.

[545] Too dangerous.

[546] Yeah.

[547] I use I got a positive singles .com.

[548] What is positive?

[549] HIV positive?

[550] Is that what that is?

[551] Did you hear about that dude that was he was some Christian mingle and he was raping chicks?

[552] No way.

[553] Yeah, he was picking him up on Christian Mingle and raping him.

[554] Wow.

[555] Wow.

[556] There's dating sites for every.

[557] There's J -Date.

[558] Yeah.

[559] Christian Mingle.

[560] Yep.

[561] I want to go on J -Date.

[562] Jewish chicks love Asians.

[563] Do you think so?

[564] Oh, they know so.

[565] How is it?

[566] A Chinese food thing?

[567] What is it?

[568] Yeah, like we serve them on Christmas.

[569] Like, fuck, there's no dick or general toes.

[570] Like, where do I go?

[571] Chinese people.

[572] Yes.

[573] Jewish churks.

[574] Yes.

[575] J -Date.

[576] I think they all know how to fuck really well, too.

[577] Jewish girls, too?

[578] Really?

[579] I've fucked.

[580] Awesome.

[581] How many of you fucked?

[582] Probably like five.

[583] And they've all been awesome.

[584] All have been crazy.

[585] The head game, the Jewish head game is the best.

[586] Yeah, some of them.

[587] Jewish, it's absolutely known.

[588] Jewish girls give their best head.

[589] Yeah.

[590] When they do it.

[591] Yeah.

[592] Yes.

[593] Then there's that old joke.

[594] How do you stop a Jewish chick from blowing you?

[595] Killer?

[596] Marrier.

[597] Oh.

[598] You don't know that joke?

[599] that's a good one yeah i think isn't it because like they are so since they're young they're always said you have to only have sex with jewish people and you never are supposed to be with anyone outside of your race and i think that's why they're so crazy in bed maybe do you think so yeah i'm just guessing well i just think they're not as suppressed there's a there's a less suppression in that religion than there is like sexually and like catholicism and you know a lot of other christian religions might be the hitler class i wear all the time you know Maybe that's it.

[600] They want to hate fuck you.

[601] I just figured they thought there was money in the dick.

[602] Wow.

[603] I'm trying to just suck it out hard enough.

[604] Half dollars.

[605] The first...

[606] What are you doing, fuckface?

[607] It sounds like me. It is.

[608] That is you.

[609] It's the fucking...

[610] The feed, the live feed.

[611] Jamie's over there playing with himself.

[612] Yeah, the first Jewish girl I dated, I was 21.

[613] There was first, like...

[614] She was crazy, right?

[615] Bitch was nuts.

[616] She was great.

[617] I was like, whoa.

[618] But she was like...

[619] She was a woman.

[620] I was 21.

[621] she was 25 she wasn't a guy time that's a woman oh that's a cougar it was the first time i ever dated a woman as opposed to like every chick that i dated before i was 21 was like 19 20 like my age yeah they were like little kids you know this girl was like you know college graduate serious woman had a career you know it was totally different banging a chick like that's a completely different experience like they're not they're not shy no i've never gone older i've always gone younger I've never gone older.

[622] That was the only time I ever did.

[623] Maybe one of the time.

[624] One of the time I dated a girl was like a year older than me. This is acceptable.

[625] I want to do a cougar once.

[626] I just think, I see some, because there's so many hot cougars here in Los Angeles.

[627] Well, you've got to join a gym.

[628] If you want to get a real cougar, you got to join a gym.

[629] Oh, I'm a teddy bear.

[630] Do you ever see a teddy bear with muscles, Joe?

[631] No, I'm saying if you want to really meet the ones that you actually want to fuck, you've got to meet the ones that are at the gym.

[632] Because the ones that go to the gym are the ones that still have the plump asses and they're, like, 50.

[633] I've seen chicks with great asses that are 50, and you can't believe it.

[634] It's like, God damn, why?

[635] Because that bitch is addicted to spin class, and she's in there, hopping on the fucking, like that porn star druna.

[636] That girl Druna got the crazy milf ass.

[637] Tritin up those fuck muscles.

[638] I'm talking about girls that have their home gyms in Malibu.

[639] They don't leave the house.

[640] I come to them.

[641] Those bitches are weak, and they're going to pass out on you.

[642] They're going to faint and fall and hit their fucking head on the marble, and then you're going to get charged with murder.

[643] Trust me. Keep away from those bitches.

[644] That doesn't sound good.

[645] Keep away from those tired, tired, low blood sugar, malabo bitches who never leave their house, walk around their fucking slippers.

[646] Just once, I'm saying.

[647] Just once.

[648] Just put your shoes on and get the fuck out of the house.

[649] Like a Pamela Anderson.

[650] Yeah, you don't want that one because that one's lazy and that ass is gone.

[651] That's a long gone ass, son.

[652] She was a beautiful, beautiful young lady.

[653] But someone stole her ass when she hit about 43, 44.

[654] A goblin came into the house.

[655] Yeah, now she just looks crazy.

[656] She looked like Barbara Streisand now.

[657] Isn't it weird how she, women, really beautiful women, if they get crazy with their looks, if they start shooting shit in their face, they go from being beautiful to being repulsive.

[658] Yeah.

[659] And it's not a lot of time.

[660] And I don't know why they do it.

[661] You know it's going to happen and they still do it.

[662] Psychological shit.

[663] It's like people that are anorexic and they can't help it.

[664] They just keep losing weight.

[665] Or big bodybuilder dudes.

[666] Big bodybuilder dudes.

[667] Like, I've met guys that are huge and they're scared to go outside.

[668] They want to cover their body.

[669] They're muscles up with, like, big puffy sweaters and shit because they don't want people to know how small they are.

[670] Wow.

[671] Yeah, they get nutty, yeah.

[672] Especially, like, those competitive ones, people who, like, enter into bodybuilding competitions, they never feel like they're big enough.

[673] It's a dysmorphia.

[674] Body image is some fucked up shit.

[675] It's very fucked up.

[676] Like, race, body image, and psychologically, like, you have no idea how much it fucking controls you.

[677] We are lucky there's not a dick operation that you could do to your dick with a chick does to her tits.

[678] There's actually a dick operation.

[679] But listen, man, I've researched it.

[680] You could take a piece of your foot.

[681] Why would you research it?

[682] Fascinating.

[683] You were looking into it.

[684] I researched almost everything.

[685] I'm happy with my dick.

[686] I'll tell you right now.

[687] It's not the biggest dick in the world, but it's mine, and I like it.

[688] I like medium dick.

[689] It's great.

[690] But this, like, the body of smorphia that some women have, like, there was a woman that I knew many, many a year ago who had ridiculously large breast, fake tits.

[691] And she wanted to get them bigger.

[692] And all of her friends are like, you can't do that.

[693] Stop it.

[694] Like, you can't.

[695] want them a little bigger just a little bigger i mean they were fucking huge they were crazy huge crazy huge and when they're crazy huge they don't look crazy good no they look crazy bad they look crazy they looked like they felt like a knee and girls getting breast reductions make no sense to me like you're just giving money away well i think for some girls sometimes i dated a girl who yeah she had before i met her she had a breast reduction she had enormous tits and even when i met her they were like decups.

[696] I was like oh my god they were bigger than this like she had like back pains like she would get like pinch nerves and shit like they just can go numb but still I feel like you have tits that big like things will happen for you you know other things will take care of it for you someone will come on them that's it's it's not like they come fucking beanstocks and take it to the mansion I guess if you have a herniated disc and I come on your back it doesn't help much it's not it's not doing anybody any good it's not like you rub it in it's a vix vapor rub it's gonna heal the injury I've talked about this before that I know somebody has that disease I don't remember the name of it where your tits are crazy big like they're almost worms like tithicitis elephantitis of the tits yeah exactly and it's so big that if you look at her she looks like she's really fat but then if she takes off her shirt and just holds up her tits it's like oh no it's all just tit and body like sand so how big of her would you say her tits are like twice a normal tit I would say Each one of her tits was probably I don't know 24 inches long A 24 inch tit Probably each one weighed probably I'd say about 50 pounds Oh my God The poor girl She had 100 pounds of tits She still has it too She has to get these like crazy brawes made at Sears Where they have to make the brawl I'm telling you We're lucky there's not a dick operation like that Where you can get bigger dick Is anybody ever had a dick reduction?

[697] Has ever a dude had like a 24 inch dick And listen, no girls can suck this I'm tired of this is bullshit Cut me down to 10 I would never man I could have a three foot dick I would never cut that It's fucking Excalibur Don't touch Excalibur Who's gonna fuck you You're gonna have to have Chicks I mean chicks don't know that you have Like a fucking three foot like baby arm You're gonna have to only date chicks That fuck basketball players And had their babies Or Kim Kardashian Like 12 pound babies came out of there.

[698] Now it's not even Kim Kardashian because she hasn't had a kid yet.

[699] You need a girl who's had a bunch of babies.

[700] So she can take your giant monster dick.

[701] Just like a sinkhole.

[702] Yeah, that's the only thing you could be happy with.

[703] Because otherwise, what are you going to do with three foot of dick?

[704] I'll tell you what you're going to do.

[705] You're going to get frustrated.

[706] You know, if I have a three foot dick, though, I would just walk outside with that shit.

[707] I'm tanning.

[708] Would you just tanning?

[709] But you would never be able to really use it.

[710] You don't want a three foot dick.

[711] You could have girls to slide on top of it.

[712] Yeah.

[713] Of course, like snail trails on.

[714] You know, if you had a three -foot dick, there would be girls that would just want to check it out.

[715] I'd just want to sit on it a little bit.

[716] And trust me, I know a couple girls could probably put three -foot a dick inside of them.

[717] Airtight.

[718] They would break.

[719] They would break just like that guy got fucked to death by the horse.

[720] There's no way they would make it.

[721] Dana could take three -foot of dick.

[722] Dana might be able to do.

[723] Asakira could take three -foot -a.

[724] No, she would break.

[725] She would die.

[726] She would die and you'd be sad.

[727] Yeah, any of those girls that did Son of Dong, they could take it.

[728] What is Son of Dong?

[729] Oh, my God.

[730] Son of Dong is like the crazy, crazy giant.

[731] fake dick with the giant like spoogeyser that oh those fake dicks yeah i've seen that those are so weird where the guys still got his pants on it's like the washington monument shaped as a penis yeah yeah what is that that's so because it looks so fake yeah it is what kind of weird porn is that we're a giant fake dick i like watching it though the art design and the set design is amazing you know it's very very creative the set design with a big stupid fake rubber dick what is this stuff that you've been doing for uh for vice magazine yeah so i vice dot com I do this show called Fresh Off the Boat, and we use food to get into culture and we meet all these weirdos.

[732] Basically, the whole point of the show is to travel around the world, travel around the United States, and find stories and people that other outlets don't want to talk about, you know?

[733] Right.

[734] Like, what kind of stories?

[735] For instance, like, we went in the bang bus with Jada Stevens in Miami.

[736] We ate Frida's, and then, you know, we watched her work, and we did that whole episode.

[737] We went to go see.

[738] You watched her do a bang bus porn?

[739] Yeah, we watched the whole thing.

[740] So how do they do that?

[741] They just drive somewhere It was a reverse bus Right So they put her in the back of the bus They drive around And they pick up dudes off the street They just bang Here's a trailer What's a reverse bus?

[742] The reverse bus is her Going in doing that The bang bus normally Is a dude driving around To find chicks on the street Oh reverse bus Is her looking for dudes Yeah And then other shows we've done Is you know we went to go We didn't want to separate people From the slaughter Because we want people to know You're eating food You're eating animal protein an animal is slaughtered so the first episode we ever did was showing like a white rabbit being slaughtered I saw that one do you like it yes yeah we're like a pretty thoughtful food show and we try to challenge people we really want to challenge them we don't just give them candy it's not just soma we really want them to think about you know the culture that that they're engrossed in the cultures that they're supporting and things like that was that the first time you ever killed an animal like that no you know we've killed animals I cook Chinese food so you're always cooking seafood You're always cooking live seafood And then I've seen chicken slaughtered I've never seen a cow slaughtered I've never seen a pig slaughter But I've seen chickens I've seen seafood and I saw a rabbit Yeah, that rabbit was pretty intense Yeah, it was definitely intense Like everybody there was pretty moving Because you watch a life Leave the earth In front of you And funny shit was I actually thought I died like a week ago In Houston, it was really funny I ate this indica bubble gum hash They made this beef jerky out of indica bubble gum hash and high times gave it to me and so i'm eating it and i didn't remember to kind of dose it i ate it all i gave like a little piece to my homie i get a little piece to my brother and i remember about 30 minutes after i'm watching like house of cards on netflix by myself and i'm like yo oh my god i think i just died and i went to my brother and i felt like i couldn't move i could like see shit and i couldn't hear shit and i went to my brother i'm like you got to take me the hospital.

[743] You got to take me to the hospital.

[744] He's like, why do I got to take you to the hospital, motherfucker?

[745] And I was like, I think I just died.

[746] He's like, what do you mean you think you just died?

[747] You're just in front of me right now.

[748] I'm like, so you can hear me, you can see me. I'm like jumping on your bed.

[749] You can see this.

[750] He's like, dude, you're not dead.

[751] Go to sleep.

[752] I was like, you have to take me to the hospital.

[753] I feel like my spirit left my physical body.

[754] He's like, what the book?

[755] Like, what are you talking about?

[756] And so he takes me to the hospital in Houston.

[757] We were there cooking for the All -Star game.

[758] And like, Dwayne Wade.

[759] And I'm in the hospital.

[760] We check in the doctor's like, what's wrong?

[761] It's like, I think my, my spirit left my physical body.

[762] And he was like, what the fuck did you do?

[763] I was like, I ate indica bubble gum hash jerky.

[764] And he's like, you need to chill the fuck out.

[765] You need to just chill the fuck out because there's nothing anyone can do for you.

[766] I was like, did I just die?

[767] He's like, no, you didn't die.

[768] He's just high as fuck.

[769] And you're being a pussy.

[770] The way he described it, indica bubble gum hash jerky.

[771] Yeah.

[772] That's very specific, too.

[773] Yeah, it's some chef shit.

[774] Yeah.

[775] We've talked about it a billion times on the podcast, but a lot of people don't know that when you eat marijuana, it's a totally different psychoactive experience.

[776] Your body produces something, it goes through your liver, and it produces something called a one pass, and it makes this chemical called 11 hydroxymetabolite.

[777] And it's four to five times more psychoactive than THC in a smokable form.

[778] So it's not the same drug.

[779] Can you die from that shit?

[780] No, no, no, no, no, no. Here's what you do, though.

[781] The only way you're going to die from...

[782] Drink milk.

[783] Just trust me. You'll calm down, like, within five minutes.

[784] That's not scientific.

[785] You do not listen to him.

[786] He doesn't know what the fuck.

[787] You're going to throw up milk.

[788] That's what you do.

[789] Oh, that would not be awesome.

[790] Just need a little glass of milk.

[791] Just a teeny glass.

[792] Listen, that's not scientific, Brian.

[793] You're talking nonsense.

[794] Because I tweet the fuck out.

[795] When you eat as much hash is that, you're fucked.

[796] A glass of milk is not going to make you feel fine.

[797] I eat every day, but I eat fucking all this fucking hash jerky.

[798] And I never.

[799] Never felt so bad.

[800] I felt like I did heroin.

[801] Yeah, it can get you really scary high.

[802] You can get to the point where it's really uncomfortable, you know, and that shit is not fun.

[803] But were you ever dumb enough to go to a hospital and tell people your spirit animal was broken?

[804] No. No, but I did think that I fucked up.

[805] I went too far.

[806] I've gone there before where you just like, but I always like that.

[807] I like what it feels like when it's over.

[808] Yeah, like me and weed are fighting because it's like I love this bitch for so long and I'm like, you really hurt me. really hurt me this time don't do edibles just don't do edibles yeah well edibles are amazing but it's all in the dosage it's very tricky i love edibles i prefer edibles you know really yeah yeah you like a regular edible eater yeah yeah i prefer it i think it's better for your body i think it's better for your body and i think the the intensity of the experience it lasts longer and to me it's more introspective i learn more oh you definitely think of wild shit i was like i was saying I felt like I was one of those Christian inspirational people because I'm in the car.

[809] I'm like, Evan, you have to realize that every day you have to fight to stay alive.

[810] Because as soon as you stop, you will die.

[811] I just die.

[812] I swear to God, I just died watching House of Cars.

[813] He's like, you did not die.

[814] Shut the fuck up.

[815] Just don't watch any more Kevin Spacey movies.

[816] Did you ever see the 9 -1 -1 call where the cops stole some pot from some kids?

[817] They made some pop brownies.

[818] And then the cops called 911.

[819] No. Yeah.

[820] It's hilarious.

[821] And that's the thing.

[822] They thought they died.

[823] They thought the time had stopped.

[824] They were calling in 9 -1 -1 just shit in their pants, thinking that this is the end.

[825] No, I thought I heard, like, the universe's voice was like, Eddie, you've checked out.

[826] Like, I really thought I died.

[827] I was, oh, the game is over.

[828] Game is over.

[829] I heard the theme music.

[830] The game is over.

[831] You can definitely eat too much pot.

[832] But then after it's over, you feel fine.

[833] It's not even, like, getting drunk, you know.

[834] That feeling that you get after you have a hangover, it's like, goddamn.

[835] And I don't want to ever do that.

[836] No, like, I ate so much my head hurt for three days.

[837] Whoa.

[838] I could not, I did not, it took me a while to come back.

[839] Three days.

[840] Three days.

[841] Well, you probably broke something just with anxiety.

[842] Yeah.

[843] Just the anxiety alone was probably so much stress.

[844] Oh, yeah.

[845] That, like, your brain was like, the muscle in my brain fucking hurt.

[846] So, yeah, kids, don't eat that fucking bubblegum hash.

[847] I find that edibles make food taste the best, too.

[848] Because I think smoking anything probably dulls.

[849] Ruins your palate.

[850] Yeah, a little bit.

[851] It does.

[852] Yeah, and you have, like, um, options out here with edibles, like, that are fairly, um...

[853] And they're delicious.

[854] Yeah, but, but also they, you can actually, like, pretty much rely on the dose with some of, like, candies.

[855] Like, you know, like, you like, Ari Shafia, I'll ask him, like, what is this candy?

[856] It goes, it's like a half a breath strip.

[857] Like, okay, got it.

[858] But not always is.

[859] No, not always.

[860] It's still not accurate.

[861] You're right.

[862] But some companies, like, you get used to a company, you know, and they got their shit together, and they can make it until the feds come and bust their door down and fucking take them away.

[863] The problem with edibles, it's also how much you have in your stomach already.

[864] So that's a factor where, you know, when you smoke it, you don't have to deal with that.

[865] That's where breast strips come in because it doesn't matter because it just goes into your bloodstream.

[866] Crazy.

[867] Hala!

[868] It's sophisticated out here.

[869] I'm the West Coast kid.

[870] How is it getting good weed in New York?

[871] Yo, I got a really good serve.

[872] I have a serve that they come through and they always have seven to eight strands every time.

[873] Really?

[874] But before I met these dudes, life was miserable.

[875] It was just like sour or haze or cush.

[876] It's just hard to find someone that you actually want to know your phone number that's selling weed.

[877] Yeah.

[878] And these dudes are dope.

[879] They don't chill with you.

[880] They don't fucking try to like hang out and get to know you like in and out.

[881] Like give me the best weed and I'll see you later and I'll call you next time.

[882] So that's what you need.

[883] But it does not touch California.

[884] Like California is on some shit.

[885] It's crazy.

[886] That's the best part out of you.

[887] I want a G -Pens.

[888] I got a G -Pen.

[889] Those do.

[890] I'll hook you up.

[891] Those dudes are awesome.

[892] Oh, cool.

[893] Yeah.

[894] The G -Pen is the best way to smoke because the wax tastes so good.

[895] Yeah.

[896] It's like minty fresh.

[897] Yeah, a chocolate mint, ice cream, hats.

[898] Is G -Pen a new type of vaporizer or something?

[899] Yeah, there's a few of them.

[900] I've got to get you one.

[901] There's so many of them out there.

[902] But have you had an eye dab?

[903] I -dab is the way to go in your home.

[904] Like on the road, G -Pen, the best.

[905] But eyedabs are fucking crazy.

[906] How do you spell it?

[907] G -G -Dash pen?

[908] Yeah, Granco Science.

[909] My boy, Chris.

[910] He lives in L .A. I'll hook you guys up.

[911] he's the best yeah i've i've used a lot of them like the plume by packs is not bad but it the g -pin is definitely my my favorite so far yeah that's the one i use on the show all the time when we shoot on the west coat world shoot whatever we use the g -pen yeah i want one so bad yeah they taste amazing yeah the the scientists out here that are concocting different ways to take your weed they're doing in pretty amazing ways they have honey now yeah well i guess there's been talk some talk lately about what is the legality of hash and all these oils and and stuff like that.

[912] So they have this G -Pen vaporizer.

[913] They sell it online.

[914] Anybody could buy it online.

[915] Yeah.

[916] Because you could cook tobacco with it.

[917] Right.

[918] Yeah.

[919] So now when you buy this, what do you do?

[920] Do you stick weed in it somewhere?

[921] You put the wax in it?

[922] You put the essential oil in there?

[923] Yeah.

[924] And then you just heat it.

[925] When you have to get that from a dispensary.

[926] Yeah, but you live in L .A. It's no problem.

[927] Yeah.

[928] But how do you get it?

[929] Don't tell us.

[930] Yeah.

[931] I know a guy who knows a guy.

[932] He uses it for tobacco.

[933] Do you have a hard time when you're on the road?

[934] getting good weed when you're doing your show No you know Fans like people will just bring it Right You know they'll know and they'll just bring it Like when I do book tours There's always two or three people at every book event To bring me weed How many of them are cops Most of them are Asian children Children No I'm kidding Usually just like Asian kids You know like and they grow up like me And they're like yo I know how you are You need this shit You need this shit Those are the best people They bring me weed everywhere I go That's funny That's the best thing about being a public public like publicly known president smokes weed people will hook you up yeah i agree do you smoke pot with uh people that you meet yeah people who know you from the show yeah i'll smoke with anyone because i'm not a dude that smokes weed and they can't function i'm a functional smoke i need weed do right but do you trust their weed like what if someone yeah wants to lace you up with some i've never been late no no have you been late like me no but i know a person yes one dude yeah i know one dude see pcp somebody put pcp in his weed well well damn yeah that's hardcore I've had it where they had very bad situation I had it wasn't like a fan or anything but I had somebody give me weed once that was dipped in embalming fluid and that really ruined my whole night embalming yeah that's like why would you do that to someone I feel like I feel like with weed it's such a friendly culture like why would you do that to somebody because people are broken I mean even though weeds are friendly culture there's certain amount of any culture that's going to be broken yeah there's people that are just unavoidably fucked up so you won't smoke weed people give you on tour Yeah, not anymore, not after that.

[935] Oh, wow.

[936] When I found out that, and there was a guy, I told the story before about a cop that was asking me for DMT in Cleveland, and I knew it was a cop.

[937] It just was the most obvious cop ever.

[938] Some guy after a show by himself with a crew cut asking me for DMT, I was like, bitch, what are you talking about?

[939] Are you really coming and asking me for illegal drugs?

[940] Yeah, DMT is a specific ask, too.

[941] It's a very specific flavor that you're asking for.

[942] Yeah, very specific.

[943] The problem is, if every place was like California, yeah, it's smoking anybody, but every place is not like California.

[944] And there are places where it's super illegal.

[945] Like, you get caught in Texas, you know, like, Willie Nelson got arrested in Texas.

[946] I mean, if you arrest Willie Nelson for pot, you're a fucking communist, you know, you really, you, you, you're a fucking, you're the enemy.

[947] God damn it.

[948] I mean, it's pretty decriminalized in America.

[949] I think in the next five to ten, like weed is going to be like California everywhere.

[950] There's still so many people in jail, though.

[951] So many people in jail because of it.

[952] What do they do?

[953] They grandfather those guys in and let everybody out?

[954] I don't think so.

[955] I don't think they're going to.

[956] They should, but I don't think they will.

[957] Yeah, the law is in a lot of places like Phoenix.

[958] It's real bad.

[959] It's not good in Texas.

[960] It's scary in a lot of places.

[961] Yeah.

[962] How many different cities have you gone to do your show?

[963] We've done L .A., San Fran, Miami, New York, Taiwan.

[964] Yeah, five.

[965] We did five.

[966] How was Taiwan?

[967] Taiwan was amazing, man. Taiwan is the best.

[968] Taiwan is the best.

[969] Do you speak any forms of Chinese?

[970] Yeah, I speak Mandarin Chinese.

[971] Now, if you're around Cantonese people, what happens?

[972] I can't understand what they're saying.

[973] It sounds like they're playing Chinese through a guitar.

[974] Whoa.

[975] No, I got mad Cantonese homies, but no, I don't understand Cantonese, and they barely understand Mandarin.

[976] It's tough.

[977] Wow.

[978] Yeah.

[979] It's not just like north and south.

[980] Like, you've got an accent.

[981] It's like really some...

[982] There's an extra tone.

[983] Can you read it?

[984] I can read something.

[985] I know a few words.

[986] I probably read on like a kindergarten level and I speak on like a fifth grade, six grade level.

[987] But you speak in a fifth grade, six grade level just because you know some of it, not because it's across the board.

[988] Oh, oh, no, Cantonese?

[989] No, I don't know shit about Cantonese, but the written is the same.

[990] Right.

[991] A written language is the same.

[992] Oh, okay.

[993] So you're written, the written Cantonese is the same.

[994] Yeah.

[995] Oh, fascinating.

[996] Huh.

[997] So, but the way they say it is different, Cantonese and Mandarin.

[998] So you can read all Cantonese.

[999] No problem.

[1000] Well, I think it's the same character.

[1001] I'm pretty sure it's the same characters.

[1002] So how the fuck is it a different language?

[1003] It's another tone.

[1004] They have another tone when they speak it.

[1005] Oh my God, that's weird.

[1006] That's insanity.

[1007] Yeah.

[1008] What does it sound like?

[1009] Like, what's the difference?

[1010] Can you tell me the difference?

[1011] Can you, like, give me like a sentence?

[1012] Dolomia.

[1013] Like, they say stuff.

[1014] It's just bouncier.

[1015] It sounds bouncier, you know?

[1016] Without like, without being racist and making fun of it, you know, it just sounds to me, like, founcier.

[1017] I think you're allowed to make fun.

[1018] You know.

[1019] You're Chinese, you could let it slide.

[1020] But like, no, it's like, I'm not even saying words, but I'm just immitage.

[1021] the sound like don't know mea you know uh ding don't die you know it's they're like super bouncy that way but it's different than mandarin in what way see what's confusing there's like a fifth tone oh yeah but the characters are the same but they have a different sound for the characters is that what it is which is kind of crazy wow so um like you like one person would say shoe they would have a totally different noise for it yeah but if you wrote it down you both saw shoe yeah whoa you're below my mind yeah whoa how many people are on i will check this and make sure i mean we could check this and make sure but i'm almost positive that it is i'm pretty positive it is the same language how many people are on each like i mean there's a there's much more speaking Mandarin much more speaking Mandarin than Cantonese how much more Cantonese is just like the southeast of China and Hong Kong wow how the fuck does that ever happen you know they just lost the war is that what it is some mongol type shit yeah wow that's a it's a the whole idea of a billion people on a continent is a fucking trip man yeah and you know that's there wasn't even a billion people on the whole planet just a little while ago yeah man we are way too good at making babies and that's why they try to limit it yeah my friend duncan actually have a funny thing that he said yesterday that some people believe that this is such an amazing time to be alive that so many souls are trying to reincarnate to this time.

[1022] That's why there's so many people on the planet.

[1023] Yeah.

[1024] Okay, so they say here, written Cantonese is the most highly developed written form of all Chinese varieties apart from standard Mandarin and classical.

[1025] Standard written Chinese is based on Mandarin, but when spoken word for word as Cantonese, it sounds unnatural.

[1026] Because its expressions are ungrammatical and un -ediamatic in Cantonese.

[1027] So, Cantonese speakers have developed their own written scripts, sometimes creating new characters for words that either do not exist or have been lost in standard Chinese.

[1028] But basically, it's based on the same language.

[1029] Wow.

[1030] It's just more refined.

[1031] That'd be weird trying to speak English and just speak it differently.

[1032] Yeah.

[1033] But using the same words.

[1034] Yeah.

[1035] Using the same words.

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] Yeah, what the fuck, man. So, what is it like working with the vice guys?

[1038] We fucking love Vice, man. Vice is the fucking best.

[1039] I've worked with so many people, and Vice just lets you do your thing.

[1040] Yeah.

[1041] And that's the best part.

[1042] And, like, I just went through a whole week.

[1043] I was at TED.

[1044] I'm a TED fellow this year.

[1045] And I went through a whole week of people telling me what to do, where to be.

[1046] And it was like being at a fucking Scientology summer camp.

[1047] It was horrible.

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] Tell me what the fuck happened.

[1050] They told you that you can't leave?

[1051] Yeah, like, before you go, they're like, you need to participate in Ted.

[1052] You need to be them.

[1053] I'm like, all right, cool.

[1054] Like, I figure.

[1055] Like minds are reasonable If you have to do something in LA You can go do something in L .A. I gave them like Four or five days in my time Like I was there every single 13 hours like every day They have 13 hours of fucking activities They have mapped out for you Some days like 15, 16 hours Right If you go to their after events And I'm like that's way too much Fucking human interaction Five days Yeah explain this So you go there And you're gonna go and do your own TED speech Right?

[1056] So you do your own TED speech What is the other stuff they have for you?

[1057] They want you to be available for, like, networking, cocktail events.

[1058] Like, attendees want to talk to you.

[1059] You need to be available.

[1060] And I was like, look, I've done a lot.

[1061] Like, I put people on.

[1062] Like, I put them in touch with ad agency people.

[1063] I put them in touch with other people to do business with other artists.

[1064] I was introducing everyone.

[1065] And I thought I was good.

[1066] So I went yesterday to go do DVD ASSA.

[1067] I went up, met up Cho.

[1068] I met up ASA.

[1069] And I went.

[1070] And now they called me today on the way over here.

[1071] and they were like, we're taking your TED Fellowship away.

[1072] I was like, why are you taking the TED Fellowship?

[1073] Like, because you went to L .A. I was like, you're in Long Beach.

[1074] I just went to L .A. for the afternoon to do the fucking podcast.

[1075] You're fucking crazy.

[1076] And they're like, you took this spot from somebody who would have gone to every talk and been in everything.

[1077] I was like, yo, the other people weren't there for everything.

[1078] But you're also just crazy.

[1079] Like you're fucking crazy.

[1080] You're not paying you.

[1081] No, they don't pay.

[1082] That's insane.

[1083] You go to do it for the love.

[1084] And they want you for seven days, 12 to 15.

[1085] hours a day.

[1086] And you can't just leave to go do something, some work that you have to do.

[1087] That's fucked up.

[1088] What is it where people fuck up everything?

[1089] Even something as amazing as TED.

[1090] Because Ted, I remember the first TED talk that I ever saw on the internet a couple years ago.

[1091] We have a whole TED thread on my message board about great TED episodes.

[1092] Yeah, like the one, How to Be Happy is great.

[1093] Oh, there's so many of them.

[1094] Graham Hancock just gave one on the War on Consciousness about.

[1095] ayahuasca and his own problems with kicking cannabis he had like a crazy weed habit where he's high all day every day for like decades and then he like it was it was a crutch for him it was like a real problem um great TED talk about it though there's so much good stuff but then you hear shit like this and you're like even they suck yeah like even someone finds a way to fuck up even something is amazing as Ted yeah the speakers are great I quit I can't say a damn bad thing every single one of the fellows is like inspirational amazing doing great work the thing is though something gets so good and people feel the power that they have and then they impose rules and that's how society got created in the beginning somebody got so liked and got so much power that they could force you to do things that were entirely unnatural and inhuman that's so ridiculous too to think that a guy like you is as busy as you could give up that much time yeah and be angry if you vary from their schedule at all that that sounds like there's more too i think ted's racist.

[1096] I mean, they're culturally kind of crazy too because other people missed and they kind of picked on me for it.

[1097] But even before I got out here, I was like, yo, my birthday is Friday.

[1098] You want me to stay till Saturday.

[1099] Can I at least have my girls stay with me?

[1100] And I'll just use the room.

[1101] Like, oh, we can't because you have a roommate at Ted.

[1102] So you're like 30, 40 year old people staying with a roommate.

[1103] I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

[1104] They make you room with people.

[1105] Wait a minute.

[1106] How can they do that?

[1107] How can they tell you who to sleep with?

[1108] Yeah, they were, yes.

[1109] And they were like, you have to room.

[1110] it's part of the TED experience and I was like this is a cult at this point you have crossed the threshold you are now fucking Scientology yes wait a minute that's crazy shit so they assign you they say you know what we think that Eddie would grow if he lived with Sasha for a week yeah so some crazy fuck who's uh Sasha Shulgin who's in there cooking up crystal meth and whatever the fuck he's doing he you would have to stay with that guy yes I mean luckily they put me with this dude soft what who was amazing cool cat I was close Like Arizona.

[1111] Sasha.

[1112] Yeah, you were really, to be able to pull the name of the dude out is amazing.

[1113] His name was softwit and I stayed with him, but I was like, I'm 30.

[1114] I haven't stayed in a hotel with people in a minute, you know.

[1115] How big is the hotel?

[1116] It's a small shitty hotel.

[1117] It's the high at reasons.

[1118] It looks like a fucking airport hotel in Long Beach.

[1119] So you're like in the bed next to this guy.

[1120] Yeah.

[1121] So you had to hear each other snore.

[1122] Oh, dude.

[1123] The fuck out of here.

[1124] What the fuck is that?

[1125] And they also hold this shit at Long Beach and it's like next to like across the street, literally, you have back to back outback.

[1126] P .F. Chang's and, like, subway.

[1127] It's ridiculous.

[1128] But the whole thing is just weird.

[1129] I was like, I'll pay for my own room.

[1130] They're like, no, you're not allowed.

[1131] I was like, you're not allowed to pay for your own room.

[1132] Yeah, they're crazy.

[1133] They just want to control you.

[1134] That is amazing.

[1135] So I still love the talks.

[1136] I love all the speakers, but that organization is fucked.

[1137] That's hilarious that they think that they could have that kind of influence over you.

[1138] It's part of the TED experience, Eddie.

[1139] It is part of the TED experience.

[1140] Eddie, it's part of the TED experience.

[1141] Owned to get pawn.

[1142] I can't believe that.

[1143] no one's talked about this before because this seems like straight up boy scouts yeah you know what is the thing is most people they need ted they need ted to put you on they want to co -sign and most people it's like if you do something for me i won't say anything about you but that's i mean i think joe you're the same way i don't give a fuck what you do for me if you're a fucking weirdo and you're about to start some new cult conference religion i'm going to say something i'm not going to follow your rules i would write a book about this if i try if they actually tried to get me to do what they wanted me to do for four five six seven days whatever it was and not pay you they send packets too to be like this is how to network with billionaires like how to go to how to network with billionaires how to go to a network and talk to people and like talk to potential people who could collaborate and work with you they're like don't just go ask them for money and I'm like this is crazy oh my god don't just go ask them for money and it's in the packets yeah and you're a grown ass man and they pick you like you're obviously intelligent if you're getting picked for ten and they're like today when it rains you should pack a punch it's wild see that what that is okay what that is is is exactly the opposite of the vehicle that got them there the vehicle that got them there is the internet what what got them there is the freedom of the internet allows people to exchange interesting conversations like that hey you got to listen to this you got to watch this this lady gave the speech on monkeys it was amazing whatever and what they did is the exact opposite of that and that's what even though Obama's focusing on gun control, the most important debate that Americans will face in the next five years is internet freedom.

[1144] Internet freedom is the most important debate we will face and we are so fucking blind to it because the lobbyists are doing it under, like, under our noses.

[1145] Yeah, you surely should have the right and ability to put your own website up and control your own content and express yourself any in any way, shape, form you choose.

[1146] And the benefits of that have been staggering to our culture over the last.

[1147] couple of years yeah just just over the last 10 yeah you know and the idea that corporations might have the ability to step in and stop that or regulate that or restrict that or censor you if in anything that you do and somehow or another if anything you do in somehow or another one way or forms cost them money yeah and they decide that this is something that has to be stopped they're going to be able to do that unless we do something and once somebody realizes they have their hand on the faucet and they have the ability to to turn it on and turn it off people get crazy you've seen that study like ted like these ted people yeah they even do power yeah they do this shit where they invite these people to go talk and they actually don't put up everybody's talks until this year they used to pick and choose and cherry pick the talks they'd put up and you would go there for a week 15 hours a day do all their shit and then imagine if they didn't put up your talk but what if you talk sucks if your talk sucked i feel like it should just go suck on the internet like it'll go hide in a corner on the internet you know Right.

[1148] But maybe if yes and no, because if you, like say if you had a comedy conference and you had all these comedians do sets, but some of them were just dog shit, would you want that set to represent your company?

[1149] No, you would, you know, you wouldn't do it.

[1150] Yeah, I wouldn't.

[1151] You know, if I did, though, invite someone and they stayed for a week and I didn't pay them, I would be like the least I owe you is that opportunity that quite possibly there's three people on the planet Earth that enjoy your set.

[1152] You know what I mean?

[1153] Yeah, that's one point.

[1154] Yeah, that's a point.

[1155] I guess if you...

[1156] But I know what you're saying to protect the brand.

[1157] It makes a little sense.

[1158] But, you know, for the most part, most people's talks are fucking good.

[1159] Yeah, they're there for a reason.

[1160] Yeah.

[1161] It's probably really different.

[1162] They're not going to get an open mic or TED talker.

[1163] Yeah, it's not a bringer show.

[1164] Right.

[1165] But they give opportunities to a lot of weird people.

[1166] I mean, it's absolutely possible.

[1167] There must be.

[1168] I bet if we just ask, I bet we're ignorant to it, but if we just say, show me the TED Talks that suck a fat dick.

[1169] Yeah.

[1170] They're going to say, okay, Twitter.

[1171] Twitter people, please.

[1172] show me the TED Talks that suck a fat dick I mean everyone wants to see the Sarah Silverman Ted talk that was never let out She gave a Sarah Silum No they never let it out because she made fun of Ted See I would have fucking wanted to watch that to me Really?

[1173] And the thing is if you're confident in this You can laugh at yourself They don't know how to laugh at themselves She made fun of Ted in what way Like during her talk It's like the mythology of it I didn't see the talk obviously but there's a Sarah Silverman Ted talk they never let out Wow We need to get Sarah Silverman on this podcast Yeah, I need to run into her somewhere.

[1174] I can make it happen.

[1175] Okay, make it happen.

[1176] I've never heard anything bad about Ted before.

[1177] So that's why this is such a shock.

[1178] It is weird, though.

[1179] You meet the donors and stuff, and they can't tell Asian people apart.

[1180] They can't tell African people apart.

[1181] And it's just, it's weird, man. Like, they're nice and everybody means well.

[1182] Did they call you David Cho?

[1183] No, they just mistake you for other fellows because so many of them are Asian.

[1184] Really?

[1185] That's funny.

[1186] Yeah, how many different people do it every year?

[1187] Every year they pick like 20 fellows, and then they pick a bunch of other people for the main stage.

[1188] So, yeah, I mean, no, it is a ill organization.

[1189] I still, even though they booted me today, I love the speakers, I love the talks, and I want it to continue.

[1190] But I hope that they at least, you know, they could say I suck, and that's fine.

[1191] They could be like, Eddie's a shithead.

[1192] He went to L .A. He did the fucking podcast, and he sucks.

[1193] But I hope they just changed rules for future people.

[1194] Listen, you didn't do anything wrong.

[1195] They're crazy.

[1196] And all they represent is a distribution method for the greatest minds on earth.

[1197] That's all they represent.

[1198] It's not that they are the greatest minds on earth.

[1199] It's just there's so many interesting people today.

[1200] We live in an amazing time.

[1201] And just when you good something like Ted, whatever that Ted stands for, it became synonymous on the internet with fascinating talks.

[1202] Boom.

[1203] And then it's off.

[1204] But if you wanted to, you could do the Eddie Wong's fascinating motherfuckers on vice.

[1205] and do the exact same thing.

[1206] Yes, I think there's a lot of room for that because conferences, like, I would love to hear more people from, you know, downtown Illinois, downtown New York, talking and doing these ideas because they don't find those dudes.

[1207] They find academics.

[1208] They find people playing ancient instruments.

[1209] They find people that are, you know, working nature things.

[1210] And they have their kind of like cultural sect, you know.

[1211] But there is a lot of room to find genius in other places.

[1212] Genius is everywhere.

[1213] You know this.

[1214] You travel around the world.

[1215] You find genius anywhere.

[1216] So there's room for conferences that, like, look under different cultures.

[1217] Because they're kind of looking under the same stones all the time.

[1218] Right.

[1219] And they're going to run out of bugs.

[1220] Yeah.

[1221] And I'm one of the, I'm one of the first times they've stepped out to be like, all right, there's this dude.

[1222] He's Chinese.

[1223] He's in a hip -hop.

[1224] He lives in downtown New York.

[1225] He used to sell drugs.

[1226] He now has a restaurant.

[1227] I think I was the only working chef that was a Ted Fellow.

[1228] So I was one of their choices that was really out there, but it just didn't work out.

[1229] It didn't work out because you're not willing to be a fucking slave and sleep in a whole.

[1230] hotel room with a stranger for a week yeah that's insane they had me i rehearsed for two days i fucking did the to i did everything i'm supposed to do and then i was like i'mma just piece out for like a half day and they bugged wow you know you that's that's crazy and the fact that they don't pay you it's crazy you guys need to do a vice show exposing ted how loony ted i told vice that i told them that before i got booted i sent them an email like yo you got to see this shit it's like the beginnings of scientology wow it is so true that once people have a position of power and influence and people want to be a part of them people go corrupt yep and like what is the threshold what is the threshold at which something becomes a religion you know it's kind of insane it's so easy to start a cult today yeah there's so many people looking to jump on board you know all the people that would have a hundred years ago become catholics now they're like man popes just won't stop fucking kids i can't do this i need a new cult And I don't know why people still believe in these, like you look at what these people are doing.

[1231] Like what these, what's happening in the Catholic church is insane.

[1232] Fucking Pope's resigning.

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] This is the first time it's gotten so hot that the Pope's like, I'm out of here.

[1235] He's asked for immunity from the Catholic, from the Italian government, from prosecution because he's responsible for shielding pedophiles.

[1236] He personally, and a lot of people don't know this, the Pope personally, responsible for taking pedophiles and shifting them away to another place where they molest them.

[1237] and more kids and what would you expect you don't these people aren't allowed to have sex yeah it's natural to want to have sex it's natural to want to go to l .a and do podcasts you know soon they you cannot come to ted and have sex without condoms i'd be like fuck that could you imagine there's no unprotected sex there's no raw dogging at ted now legal no ass fucking while you're here oh man that while you're a ted fellow there would be mutiny i wonder if they would have like you could slowly start imposing behavior standards you know on fellows you know if you want to call it like a TED fellow or whatever new organization you want to start they do shit like you should have a standing you should give a standing ovation when this person comes you should do this and that it's crazy yeah wait a minute wait a minute fake standing ovations yeah and they were also saying like you know when the founder comes chris henderson comes like you don't have to give him a standing ovation like you know it's nice if you want to but he doesn't actually need you to do it i'm like the fact that you needed to give me this fake halfway disclaimer is so fucking strange wow that's so bizarre yeah they tell you who to and not to give standing ovations to who's a must you have to apply you have to apply to go to ted to attend and then once you're accepted you pay eight thousand dollars what that's a mind fuck wait a minute yeah you had to pay no hell no i didn't but the people who do it they apply okay so the people that attend the strict audience members you're saying okay you got to want to be so down so bad to do that to go through an application process and then fucking pay that's a lot of money how many people are going how many people go i don't i think a like two thousand three thousand whoa holy shit yeah that's a lot of money they make holy shit yeah that's a lot of money yeah they make off of you yeah two thousand people paying eight thousand dollars is how much uh six 360 thousand no 16 hundred what is it 160 thousand no oh is that it's gotta be more no it's way more than that it's like 16 million i think what yeah two thousand okay two thousand we so times yeah 16 million 20 ,000 times 8 ,000.

[1238] You don't know shit about your numbers.

[1239] And I didn't even bother the count.

[1240] Ask a Asian, Joe.

[1241] Ask an Asian.

[1242] Always.

[1243] I'm asking Asians from now on.

[1244] I'm pretty sure it's 16 million in my head.

[1245] Jamie, you silly bitch.

[1246] What is it, Brian?

[1247] Do you have a calculator built into a lack, right?

[1248] What's the number?

[1249] What's the number?

[1250] 2 ,000 times 8 ,000.

[1251] It's got to be 16 million.

[1252] What's 2 ,000 times 8 ,000?

[1253] This might answer your question.

[1254] It is 1 .3 .000.

[1255] 6 million i think oh 1 .6 million okay i was one off yeah okay that makes a lot of bread so they made 1 .6 million no it's 16 million yeah 16 million okay yeah all right so human calculator was fast very nice so um they made 16 million which is even crazier and they did this in this time where you were there and no one got paid we didn't get paid nobody got paid wow yep we are suckers dude we're suckers and they're telling you like you're going to get exposure i was like no lie more people listen to the joe rogan experience that's true ted suck it yeah ted we got you beat by like a million yep but that's still nuts man that's a lot of money we're not making that money we need to make that money you guys should people jo rogan conference 10 million dollars each i know how to do it i'm gonna just raise the bar and only get really stupid rich people i'm not you know i don't want to like go after poor people because i think that's rude so a million you got a bolt soon yeah my Bad Joe.

[1256] Okay, no, that's all right.

[1257] You have, what are you doing next?

[1258] What do you got going on?

[1259] I got a meeting, you know, LA meetings.

[1260] Powerful meetings.

[1261] I got to go to NBC shit.

[1262] Bullshit.

[1263] Dude.

[1264] My bad.

[1265] What are you going to do next?

[1266] Is you got another show you working on after the vice show?

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] Tell us.

[1269] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1270] No, no. Is it going to be on NBC?

[1271] We optioning the book.

[1272] Like, the book is going to become a sitcom.

[1273] We want to, you know, the Margaret show moratorium has been lifted.

[1274] Right?

[1275] Right.

[1276] The Margaret Show moratorium on Asian television has been lifted.

[1277] We want to do like a sitcom.

[1278] from the books oh that's fascinating like chelsea lately yeah i have not seen that but all i know is my dad's dream was to be al bundy and and hopefully someone can play a al bundy like my dad wow well you got to lock bobby lee up to a long -term deal right now yeah i mean a part of your movie show i was kind of hoping ron artes would go yellow face i wonder if you can do it what can they do with cg i think about what they did what's his name in tron can they do that with an american actor?

[1279] Could they do that?

[1280] For my family, there's five people.

[1281] I kind of want to just get the like Michigan Fab Vive together and Yellowface.

[1282] Go Yellowface.

[1283] Just tape.

[1284] It's funny.

[1285] What was that?

[1286] Because networks are like, which Asian actor would you?

[1287] I'm like, I don't know, just get the Fab Five to go yellow face.

[1288] There was, um, there was a Chinese, um, a Chinese investigator that they used to, Charlie Chan.

[1289] And in the movie, it was a white guy that played Charlie Chan.

[1290] Do you know that?

[1291] No. The original Charlie Chan.

[1292] Yeah, the original Charlie Chan was, it was some old dude.

[1293] Hold on a second.

[1294] Charlie Chan was like this wise, old school detective.

[1295] But yeah, it was played by Warner O 'Land.

[1296] It wasn't Chinese at all.

[1297] Look at him.

[1298] Yeah, no, a lot of people went Yellowface back in the day.

[1299] I mean, that's hilarious.

[1300] Yeah.

[1301] When did they start?

[1302] got to leave but when did they start acting adding uh Asian actors to roles like allowing Asians to play roles it was probably Gremlin's one yeah big trouble little China like no white people want to be around this gremlin wow yeah but yo thank you for having me man next time come back again come back to stay all day you're in the house brother thank you thank you and please go by eddie's book it is called fresh off the boat it is available on audible .com You can go to audible .com forward slash joe, and you can get that book for free, if you like, and you also get a 30 -day free.

[1303] Hey, we've got to take a picture of you before you leave.

[1304] We've got to take 30 -day free membership to audible .com, and it's one of our sponsors.

[1305] Audible .com forward slash joe.

[1306] Thank you also to Onet.

[1307] Go to on it .com.

[1308] Oh, N -N -N -I -T.

[1309] Use a code name Rogan.

[1310] Save yourself 10 % off any and all supplements.

[1311] We will be back Sunday night with Dr. Stephen Greene.

[1312] Greer.

[1313] He is that super smart dude who claims that he speaks to aliens.

[1314] He's the guy from the Disclosure Project and he's not a loon.

[1315] This is going to be very fascinating, but it's going to be late.

[1316] It'll be 8 o 'clock California time on Sunday.

[1317] So go check it out.

[1318] This Friday and Saturday, me and my little buddy Brian and our pal Sam, motherfucking Tripoli, are going to be in Ohio.

[1319] We will be at the Taft Theater.

[1320] on Friday in Cincinnati and the Palace Theater and Columbus on Saturday.

[1321] And then we will see you back here in cyberspace Sunday night for the crazy Stephen Greer UFO Revelation podcast.

[1322] My dick is hard just thinking about this.

[1323] Although that's probably not what Mr. Greer wants to hear him being a distinguished gentleman of science.

[1324] You don't want to hear someone's dick is hard to meet you, but it is.

[1325] So deal with.

[1326] with that all right we love the shit out of you guys and uh we couldn't be happier with everything so we'll see you soon hopefully keep it together bitches love yourself as you would love other people and them too and that and this and the other thing get it together