January Jones

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dak Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by the beautiful Emmy nominated Monica Padman.

[3] That's me. Welcome.

[4] Today we have a wonderful actress.

[5] January Jones, of course, you know her from Mad Men.

[6] She was fantastic.

[7] She was nominated for two Golden Globes for best actress on that.

[8] And a prime time Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress.

[9] She also was in one of our favorite comedies of all time, The Last Man on Earth.

[10] Oh, we love it.

[11] We love it.

[12] And she's got a new show on Netflix called Spinning Out, which, as you'll come to hear, a big undertaking.

[13] Yeah.

[14] Something I wouldn't be brave enough to try.

[15] Yeah, it sounds really good.

[16] Yeah, I applaud her.

[17] She's so much fun.

[18] We had a great time talking with her.

[19] So please enjoy January Jones.

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[23] wherever you get your podcasts.

[24] He's an object spray.

[25] He's an ultra -exper.

[26] Well, I started this because of you guys.

[27] Oh, the spray?

[28] Do you like it?

[29] People think I have like, what's it called?

[30] Halitosis.

[31] Halitosis.

[32] I'm like constantly and they're like, you're good.

[33] I'm like, no, no. Kristen really has taken to the spray as well.

[34] I like it, but it's not orally satiating enough for me. I need like more business.

[35] Well, I was doing the gum for this.

[36] role I did recently just to get like manic energy and then I was chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing constantly and I got like jaw aches.

[37] So I started doing this.

[38] And is that a habitual thing or that's the first time you had jaw issues?

[39] I also wear a mouth guard.

[40] Yeah, I clench at night.

[41] I think women just hold stress.

[42] Yeah, it's true.

[43] I have a lot of pent up anger.

[44] All the women in my family wear mouth guards.

[45] Yeah.

[46] And has it done damage?

[47] Like are your molars ground down to a So, but he also says, oh, you've been flossing and I haven't.

[48] Oh, this is my favorite thing about Dennis.

[49] So I hadn't gone in eight years, and Kristen was really getting on me. Like, you've got to go.

[50] And I was like, I know, I know, I know.

[51] I went.

[52] Eight years is a long time.

[53] It's a long time.

[54] I've been twice in the 25 years I've lived in L .A. Maybe three times.

[55] But anyways, when I went finally to Dr. Keene, I asked him, he was in there, written around and scraping stuff.

[56] And I said, let me ask you, Dr. Keen, how long do you think it's been since my last appointment?

[57] And he really studied it.

[58] And he goes, well, I don't think you've been within six months, but I don't, it doesn't look like it was more than a year.

[59] Pretty good.

[60] You know, so January, you and I know each other peripherally.

[61] Yes.

[62] Yeah, we've been around each other.

[63] Yeah.

[64] You were dating Couture long before I knew Couture, right?

[65] Yeah, we moved out here together.

[66] We were like 19.

[67] That's crazy.

[68] We moved out here together.

[69] From New York.

[70] Yeah, we met on Abercrombie and Fitch campaign, and then I moved to Paris, and I let him stay in my apartment in New York.

[71] And then when I came back, I was like, well, you're here.

[72] We should just date.

[73] And then he got two shows, 70 show and some other surfing cowboy show.

[74] Sure, cowboy surfers.

[75] Sure.

[76] And he was really excited about that one, and I just said I'd rather not move to Hawaii.

[77] L .A. is cool.

[78] That's fine.

[79] So he took 70s show.

[80] Oh, wow.

[81] Yes.

[82] For real.

[83] You saved his life.

[84] Oh, sure.

[85] Oh, yeah.

[86] Oh, yeah.

[87] Surfer's cowboy.

[88] That would have been the end of his career.

[89] I don't think he made it past the pilot.

[90] Yeah.

[91] Although, maybe he could have saved it.

[92] You just don't know.

[93] Maybe the missing ingredient was Coucher.

[94] Yeah, I had like Bo Derek.

[95] Oh, no kidding.

[96] I don't know why I remember.

[97] I remember I'm making the decision because we were at my house in South Dakota and I was just like, Hawaii's great and all, but.

[98] Yeah.

[99] That's too far.

[100] Yeah.

[101] And then you would have had to have done nothing.

[102] What the fuck would you have done in Hawaii?

[103] Yeah, because I don't tan.

[104] Yeah, I don't know.

[105] You don't tan.

[106] You don't like pineapple.

[107] I was just in Hawaii a couple of weeks ago.

[108] Yeah.

[109] We were there over Thanksgiving, though, and it was very heartbreaking that they didn't have mashed potatoes.

[110] Oh, they didn't?

[111] I kept asking everyone.

[112] I was like, it's a buffet.

[113] I have mashed potatoes.

[114] And they said we don't have those in Hawaii.

[115] I feel like I've had French fries there at least.

[116] They did.

[117] Okay.

[118] Yeah.

[119] Have you noticed in Hawaii that they're very big on spam?

[120] It's on many of the menus.

[121] if you go to like just local restaurants.

[122] They love spam there.

[123] Oh, I had spam growing up in South Dakota.

[124] Maybe it's because you have to get so much processed stuff shipped into islands in South Dakota.

[125] South Dakota.

[126] Mm -hmm.

[127] I've only driven through one time.

[128] Yeah.

[129] What time of year?

[130] Oh, July.

[131] On a motorcycle, it was heaven.

[132] Oh, did you go to Sturgis?

[133] We did not go to Sturgis.

[134] We stopped short of Sturgis, but we went to Mount Rushmore.

[135] Cool.

[136] It is cool.

[137] Oh, it's very cool.

[138] Yeah.

[139] And just the ride into Mount Rushmore is so beautiful.

[140] It's a beautiful park.

[141] You know what happened why we didn't go to Sturgis?

[142] It's dangerous?

[143] Well, that wasn't my...

[144] That's why I wasn't allowed to go.

[145] I did this ride with my ex -girlfriend, Bree, and we left Detroit, and I had my first Harley, brand new Harley, and we drove to L .A. And we went to the Northern Route.

[146] And every gas station we stopped at, three or four men would come up and talk to me, like, oh, what is that, 2000?

[147] Yeah, I had a 79 panhead and blah, blah, blah.

[148] and then you just get ensnared in like a 45 minutes of chit -chat at every single gas station stuff.

[149] Well, people love to talk.

[150] Everyone's super friendly.

[151] That's nice.

[152] That part's really nice.

[153] But I set out on that trip to ride a motorcycle through the beautiful countryside in summer, not to chat with strangers at the gas station for 45 minutes of stop.

[154] So the funniest.

[155] I was a little sick of talking about the motorcycle.

[156] By the time we got to South Dakota, I was like, I've had 35 conversations about the motorcycle, and I'm over it.

[157] Okay.

[158] And Brie wisely said, and you want to become famous.

[159] Yeah, smart.

[160] She, like, had the foresight to go, like, and you think you have the right personality type to be famous?

[161] Because you're going to be talking to a lot of strangers.

[162] Yeah, that's a very good point.

[163] Yeah, I hadn't thought about that a long time ago because it's my least favorite part of my job.

[164] Yeah.

[165] I mean, I'm happy to be here and I agreed to be here, but very difficult.

[166] You're not an extrovert by nature.

[167] No. Right.

[168] And do you get social anxiety?

[169] Very much, so.

[170] So, weirdly, I never have.

[171] head it and then I developed it in this career.

[172] Because there's lots of energy.

[173] And I used to take beta blockers for red carpets and things like that.

[174] But then I got better at it.

[175] You get used to it.

[176] And then it came back again.

[177] Like a few years ago, I was doing Last Man on Earth Press.

[178] And there's just so many people swarming and somebody either on the cast or someone's like, just pretend you have like a button on your arm that's like your favorite color and a like turquoise plexiglass thing comes up to shield you from energy or whatever.

[179] So I was like as an industry party like fucking pushing my arm like go up, go up.

[180] It did not work for me. But it sounded like a cool idea.

[181] What's the worst experience that you can remember?

[182] When Madman first came out maybe after the first season, I was in New York and I got cornered by a lady walking around the street.

[183] And she like backed me up against a wall and started talking to me as if I was my character.

[184] And it was, I didn't know, I didn't know she's crazy.

[185] or if I'm just that good.

[186] I was just like, no, she's worried about my safety with Don.

[187] And then she was like, I don't know why you did that to him.

[188] I was after the second season because she's like, and then you fuck that guy in the bar.

[189] And she's just like very angry with me. And then I got defensive and I was like, yeah, he's been cheating on me for the first two years.

[190] Like, you're kidding me?

[191] It's 100 to 1.

[192] I'm pregnant and I'm in a bar and it's the Cuban Missile Crisis.

[193] It's just like, let me have one thing, you know.

[194] Roll around.

[195] But, and then I was like, I had to backtrack myself and just be like, do you want a picture?

[196] Can I go?

[197] I was just like, yeah.

[198] That seems to be the thing.

[199] That's the only time I've been actually, like, yelled at a ton was when I cheated on my fiancee on parenthood.

[200] On Twitter, I just got lit up for a month.

[201] People, like, really were angry at me. You didn't write it.

[202] No. It's like the weirdest thing.

[203] It is, but what it tells me is that...

[204] They're very passionate about this thing.

[205] Yeah, they love the show so much.

[206] The two things are like, oh, that's awesome that this thing is so engaging.

[207] Right.

[208] That part's awesome.

[209] And then for me, it's also like, oh, that cheating thing, that is number one for people.

[210] That is the thing that they...

[211] It'll blur the lines between that's an actor playing it in this character they like.

[212] Well, I think you just trigger something in them that they have...

[213] Yeah, for sure.

[214] I get that.

[215] I suppose.

[216] I probably have done that, but only to, like, reality stars, and that's real.

[217] Yeah, reality shows are real.

[218] I mean, I get star -struck often and live very easily, and reality TV stars are just my...

[219] Just because I think that that's...

[220] It's not scripted, right?

[221] I mean, maybe storyboarded, but still, like, they're doing those things.

[222] Yeah.

[223] So I feel like I have license to bitch at them about.

[224] I think the most excited I've ever been to meet a cast was the Jersey Shore cast was, like, coming into maybe, like, the Today Show or something, and I was leaving.

[225] and I got to just sit and talk to Snooki for like six minutes.

[226] And I was texting Kristen the entire time.

[227] Like, I'm talking to Snooky.

[228] I mean, we were, yeah, we were just on cloud nine about the whole experience.

[229] I loved it.

[230] I love those people.

[231] Yeah.

[232] And like Vanderpump rules, the housewives, I mean.

[233] What's Vanderpump rules?

[234] It's the spinoff of Lisa Vanderpump who's on the housewives or was on the housewives of Beverly Hills.

[235] Yeah.

[236] Okay.

[237] And they're all, they all work at Sir or did.

[238] They don't know.

[239] They all have houses more expensive than mine now, probably.

[240] But they were waiters and bartenders at Sir, and they're just messy.

[241] Just messy.

[242] Young kids, like young adults.

[243] Kind of young.

[244] I mean, Jacks is like older than me, I think.

[245] Really?

[246] Yeah.

[247] I'm not really.

[248] I wasn't too.

[249] I really liked Real Houseways of Beverly Hills, but I didn't foray and of Vanderpenter Well, they did it in such a genius way where you're watching the finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and all of a sudden the characters go in the kitchen, and all of a sudden, you're in the kitchen of the restaurant.

[250] And then you're just tied into this other story.

[251] And it's just like, whoa, I just got roped into two hours without even realizing it.

[252] Oh, that is genius.

[253] It was.

[254] And then I was in ever since.

[255] What's great about it is like Monica was a phenomenal student.

[256] She's very, very intelligent.

[257] And yet her relationship with The Bachelor's is something I've never seen.

[258] Girl, do you love it?

[259] Love it.

[260] I haven't watched recent seasons, which I'm embarrassed to say as a fan.

[261] But the older seasons, I mean, I have some of the episodes.

[262] downloaded on my computer so I could re -watch.

[263] We were at a hotel in Turks and Caicos, and Monica, like, turned white.

[264] Like, she...

[265] Which is really hard to do.

[266] Obviously.

[267] Her dream come true.

[268] It happened.

[269] Maybe that's why you like them so much.

[270] Maybe.

[271] He's got to always be with them.

[272] But, yeah, there was a bachelorette, or I don't even know how you said it.

[273] Yeah, a bachelor, old bachelor, Jason Meznik.

[274] Do you remember him?

[275] He was a bachelor, and he picked Melissa.

[276] and then he, during the after the final, I switched, switched to his second choice.

[277] Molly.

[278] That's happened again recently, by the way.

[279] I heard, yes.

[280] It's always good to have a backup.

[281] Well, yeah, so then he...

[282] It's called second place.

[283] Second place.

[284] Oh, okay, okay.

[285] And Molly and Jason were there.

[286] They're married now still, and they have a kid, two kids.

[287] Wait, that was like the first one.

[288] It was early on.

[289] It wasn't first.

[290] I want to say it was like eight.

[291] I don't remember Molly.

[292] What is there, 30 -some seasons of it?

[293] By now, for sure.

[294] Or more with Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise.

[295] I watch all of it.

[296] What was so adorable is that Monica not only lost her shit when she saw them, she then launched into like she was checking in with their social media to see like if they were eating at the same restaurants.

[297] Which house they were at?

[298] Oh, so you were fully stocking them.

[299] Yeah, I was cool.

[300] Like Veronica Marsing it.

[301] Like you were really mapping out all their moves.

[302] Yeah.

[303] Well, I got so into The Bachelor one season that I was Instagramming things.

[304] and then interview magazine called and asked if I'd write an article about the season finale.

[305] And then I did a bit for Kimmel where I was like reporting live from BMI dining room or whatever.

[306] And got super into it.

[307] And it was one of Nick's seasons.

[308] He did several.

[309] Sure.

[310] And I was just blasting that guy.

[311] And then I went on Corden and did the same thing, different story.

[312] But that's all I had to talk about at that time.

[313] I don't know if maybe I was bored with the show I was on.

[314] I don't know what I was there to promote.

[315] but ended up talking about The Bachelor.

[316] And then Nick slid into my DMs.

[317] And he's like, I'm so sorry that your perception of me is so negative.

[318] I'd love to take you out to coffee and see if I can change your mind.

[319] And I was squealed.

[320] I was like, oh, my God.

[321] Did you go?

[322] So I was like, I hate that guy.

[323] My sister's like, if you don't go, you will forever regret it.

[324] So I agreed to go on a date with him.

[325] Yes.

[326] As I met him, or to drinks or whatever.

[327] And as I met him, I was rounding in the corner.

[328] and I saw him and he was a very distinct walk and I had this instinct to like run up to him and rot my links around his waist, you know, like they do.

[329] Oh, wow.

[330] They do it on the show.

[331] I saw myself.

[332] He's so sad that you stopped yourself, by the way.

[333] How did the date go?

[334] It was good.

[335] All I did was grill about the show.

[336] We went on a couple dates and then.

[337] Oh, yeah.

[338] He's so lucky.

[339] He, like, really parlayed this into...

[340] No, I was about...

[341] I'm so glad you just started telling him, but I was going to say, you've been single why not date those because like if I were like we love this show let me tell you something we love the show what is it Monica on MTV Oh are you the one?

[342] Are you the one?

[343] Do you watch that?

[344] No. It's phenomenal And every season I am attracted to at least two of the ten girls pretty profoundly And certainly if I was single I would go out of my way to have gone on dates with some of those people Yeah but I don't just want to hook up with them Yeah that's the boy girl thing The thing that attracted me to Nick was that he seemed Like, I mean, he was cast as the quote -unquote villain, but he was actually, he had a bit of a brain.

[345] Yeah.

[346] So it was, there was something else there.

[347] Right.

[348] That's all we were talking about, really.

[349] But I got a lot of juicy inside stuff.

[350] I shouldn't, I don't work for ABC.

[351] The, like, how they, how they.

[352] I don't work for you.

[353] When they come out of the limo and they all have these little schicks or whatever, like, producers are handing them to them.

[354] And then I just felt bad for the people who get, like, the dolphin costume.

[355] Wow.

[356] Yeah.

[357] And there was all kinds of other stuff.

[358] But they do, like, share a lot of germs, lots with lots of people.

[359] Did he say that he really felt like he was in love on that?

[360] That's my main real question.

[361] Yes.

[362] Several times.

[363] Wow.

[364] Because he was on like four seasons.

[365] Yeah.

[366] He has a podcast.

[367] It's very successful.

[368] I know he asked me to be on it.

[369] Yeah.

[370] You should do it.

[371] But I was like, what am I going to talk about?

[372] This.

[373] Yeah.

[374] Yeah.

[375] Well, we have, I'm not going to divulge our source, but we had someone really entrenched in the are you the one camp okay and some of the stuff he told us that was happening sexually in that house was like one guy like this is going to get graphics so plug your ears if you're timid he oh you're playing there was some digital insertion in a shower he was a very muscular guy and the digital insertion then evolved into him lifting her up off the ground and like 10 people were watching the monitors it was All being, and everyone's just like, what's happening in that shower right now?

[376] And I think that was pretty, age, very strong.

[377] And she was in ecstasy, so don't worry about her.

[378] Because I'm a little concerned about the anatomy here in the story.

[379] But everything, I guess, was on the up and up and up and up and out.

[380] I saw something similar on Temptation Island.

[381] There are some, like, three sums.

[382] And you just wonder, like, who, like, the PA, like, who's sitting behind the camera or like, just watching that.

[383] It would be so weird.

[384] Do you ever see the movie Colors was Sean Penn and Robert Duvall?

[385] Yes.

[386] There's a moment, and Sean Penn's a young police officer, right?

[387] And he's really tenacious and wants to go to everything.

[388] And Robert Duvall says, you know the story about the old ram and the young ram sitting on the top of the hill looking out at the valley full of sheep?

[389] And the young ram says, let's run down there and fuck one of those.

[390] And the old one says, let's walk down and fuck them all.

[391] It's like an old joke, right?

[392] Wow.

[393] And every time I'm watching R E, the one, I think, oh, when I was young, I would have, I would have screwed up so bad on that show.

[394] I would have got there and I was slept with whoever was open to sleeping with me immediately.

[395] And I would have not played any long -term game.

[396] I would have, like, made a terrible name for myself right out of the gates because I would have ran down.

[397] But you watch some of these other men, these other - Is the goal to find love on that show?

[398] In theory, there's 10, there's 10 boys, 10 girls, and they have a perfect match there, and they don't know who it is.

[399] And they have to go on all these dates.

[400] and then they declare who they think their matches at the end of every episode.

[401] And they have to get all 10 right to win the money.

[402] Yeah, people never choose who the right match for them is, though.

[403] Clearly not.

[404] Well, it does beg the question what the algorithm is doing because, you know, there's who would be a good match for you, which is generally not who people are attracted to.

[405] Right.

[406] That's what I mean.

[407] I mean, you almost have to pick when you're older, like, oh, I'm going to try the opposite of what I like because I know the pattern that what I like ends in.

[408] Monica and I have a similar thing, and I can't imagine you suffer for.

[409] from it because you're very beautiful.

[410] But Monica and I...

[411] Thanks.

[412] Go on.

[413] You're right.

[414] She's prettier than we are.

[415] She was a model.

[416] Yes, I agree.

[417] You're gorgeous, but she was a model.

[418] Go on.

[419] Yeah, try to dig yourself out.

[420] Yeah.

[421] No, I stand by it.

[422] You know, uh, whatever.

[423] Monica and I will like somebody.

[424] And then the second that person likes us back, we realize, oh, they weren't as good as we thought they were.

[425] Also, they wouldn't like us.

[426] Oh, is self -hate?

[427] Yeah, like this weird.

[428] Yeah.

[429] It's like a form of self -sabotage.

[430] I've done that before.

[431] We're acted just like an idiot on a first date.

[432] And if they call me back, I'm like, what?

[433] What's wrong with you?

[434] If you're calling me back, then clearly I'm not going to like you.

[435] Right.

[436] Because you like that version of me or whatever.

[437] Yeah.

[438] Well, are you, well, first of all, you're with Couther.

[439] So that's the only thing I really know.

[440] And he's, you know, he's as gorgeous as they goddamn get.

[441] It is, I love Milan.

[442] I love their kids.

[443] And it all worked out great.

[444] But also, I'm a little regretful you guys into.

[445] just pop one out, just see what that facial structure would have been like, because I think it would have been really nice.

[446] We had some dogs.

[447] No, we, no, we were super young.

[448] We met when we were 19, and then we broke up and we were 22.

[449] You must have both felt like a safe port and a storm, him being from Iowa and you being from.

[450] Yeah, our families and each other.

[451] We live together.

[452] Oh, they did?

[453] Oh, but not.

[454] We travel, like for Christmas, we do my house and then his house or mistress.

[455] But yeah, same upbringing, similar experience childhood and all that.

[456] Yeah, and you're both in New York, which is like moving at the speed of light.

[457] And at some time you must be like, what the fuck am I doing here?

[458] And also very similar.

[459] Didn't you both kind of get recommended to model in high school?

[460] Yeah.

[461] Yes.

[462] What happened to you?

[463] I graduated high school early and was getting in some trouble just because I was floundering around and waiting to go to college and my mom entered me into first the Miss Teen.

[464] South Dakota pageant and then to a modeling school in Omaha and that's where I got scouted.

[465] Please tell me about the Miss Teen pageant.

[466] I just, my dad, the VHS got shifted over to a DVD, which I won't even, I put it in.

[467] Legacy box.

[468] Legacy box.

[469] And I watched it and it's very difficult to watch because I'm so shy and so awkward.

[470] My hair is so large.

[471] And I'm wearing like a sailor outfit.

[472] And I, it submitted very last minute.

[473] So I didn't have, you're supposed to have a certain number of community service and a talent, which I did not have.

[474] Sure.

[475] Couldn't sing, dance, tap.

[476] Like, all these girls are doing gymnastics and twirling batons and shit.

[477] And I wrote a story about America and recited that.

[478] A story.

[479] I wrote a, like a fictional story?

[480] Oral and Terp or whatever.

[481] Oh.

[482] I was the only one.

[483] And it's really sweet, but just heartbreaking to watch because I'm just like shaking on stage.

[484] And then my dad walks me down in my evening gown, which was borrowed and had sleeves.

[485] I was just, it was hard.

[486] It was hard to watch.

[487] I didn't place.

[488] You didn't place.

[489] No. What was the vibe backstage?

[490] Was it like cutthroat or was it supportive?

[491] I don't remember it being cutthroat like you see on TV or whatever.

[492] They didn't know what they were doing.

[493] I remember my mom like hair spraying my hair and curling it.

[494] I just remember being super nervous and kind of bummed to be there because everyone seems so intimidating and more accomplished.

[495] Yeah.

[496] Well, they probably won't their first page.

[497] Oh, no. Yeah.

[498] They start young.

[499] The girl that won was Chaston Anderson.

[500] And she was gorgeous and went to a different high school than me. And she, I don't know.

[501] I wonder where she's at.

[502] I feel like if you name your child, Chaston, you know she's going to be in teen pageants.

[503] Yeah, you have plans for her.

[504] You have a path for her, yeah.

[505] Although I'm January Jones.

[506] Like, I could be a stripper or.

[507] You and I share this in common, which is, A, you have Bradley Cooper's birthday.

[508] I know.

[509] And I only know this because I'm three days before Cooper.

[510] I'm January 2nd.

[511] Oh, you are?

[512] Yes.

[513] And we were both named after.

[514] Shitty birthdays, huh?

[515] The worst.

[516] But we're also both named after characters and novels.

[517] Who's yours?

[518] Dax was the lead character of this book called The Adventures by Harold Robbins.

[519] Oh, cool.

[520] That my mother read while she was pregnant with me, that I've never read.

[521] Well, I did read Once Is Not Enough.

[522] It was by Jacqueline Suzanne.

[523] My mom read the book, and then they made a TV movie with Kirk Douglas.

[524] And my mom loved romance novels, so my dad would peek through just for the sex parts.

[525] Sure, sure.

[526] And he saw the name January.

[527] Her name was January Wayne, and he just thought that would sound good with Jones.

[528] And then I happened to be born in January, because they picked it out before I was even conceived.

[529] Yes, I was going to ask, do you think they were happy that it matched up?

[530] They had to have.

[531] No, they were bummed.

[532] They were hoping I'd be early.

[533] I was born on my due date.

[534] I'm very punctual.

[535] Yeah, you were very on time here.

[536] I can't get around it.

[537] I try to be late, and I'm still the first one there.

[538] That's great.

[539] It's a good thing.

[540] It means you respect people's time.

[541] What kind of kid were you in high school?

[542] The beginning of vice school was pretty shy and studious and also like 411 and flat chest.

[543] I just was a bomb shell.

[544] I have a bunch of friends.

[545] And then something happened between freshman and sophomore year.

[546] Well, I went through puberty late and came back.

[547] And I worked at Derrick Queen that summer.

[548] Soft serve.

[549] Maybe I don't know.

[550] But all of a sudden I had.

[551] Were Monica's parents kind to you as employers?

[552] No, I love her.

[553] Were they good people to work with?

[554] DQ is my favorite.

[555] me too yeah I had long hair and all of a sudden I had boobs and everyone was treating me differently and all my guy friends just were like we touch your boobs and I was like they were new to me too I was like I know right like yeah I guess so but it was a different time it was a different time well yeah because it's a simpler time they asked it's all about consent yeah yeah yeah oh good congratulations guys right out of the oven they got them too.

[556] Yeah.

[557] You know?

[558] Wow.

[559] Wow.

[560] Wow.

[561] Wow.

[562] Yeah.

[563] Anyway, yeah.

[564] So I just sort of, it was too shy to do theater.

[565] I didn't, I don't know.

[566] I just was a little bit too scared to put myself out for judgment anyway.

[567] I quit tennis team freshman year, which my dad was super disappointed about.

[568] So, I mean, I was good at school.

[569] I excelled.

[570] I mean, the curriculum, not to knock South Dakota, but it was subpar.

[571] Yeah, sure.

[572] So I, I'm the product of a real average school as well.

[573] Yeah.

[574] So I whizzed through school and then graduated or year early and was like getting stoned and drinking too much and getting in trouble.

[575] I never went to jail.

[576] I mean, knock on with it.

[577] But like getting pulled over and there's beer in the car and people are in trouble and no, the one time I got pulled over, I was drinking after school.

[578] I skipped school and I was racing past another school and a cop pulled me over, but he didn't have any tickets with him.

[579] Oh, wow.

[580] Oh, shucks.

[581] Wow.

[582] So I was like, perfect.

[583] So can I go?

[584] He's like, yeah.

[585] He didn't grab his ticket.

[586] I've never heard that story.

[587] He did have tickets, but he wasn't going to give you a ticket because you're a cute girl.

[588] No, he was really looking for his tickets.

[589] He was in his car for a while.

[590] No, one time I stole cigarettes from the grocery store or my dad, like, knew everyone there, Randalls.

[591] I went in to get, like, laundry detergent, a couple other things for my dad and mom.

[592] And while I'm here, I'll just grab this pack of cigarettes.

[593] And I paid for the stuff, walked out.

[594] And then the security guy came running out and pushed me up against my car.

[595] And he's like, give me the cigarettes.

[596] We saw you do it.

[597] And I was like, here, yeah, fine.

[598] He's like, I'm calling the cops.

[599] And I'm like, you just take it.

[600] Here's the money, too.

[601] Like, whatever.

[602] Like, it's cool, dude.

[603] I just forgot to pay that's all.

[604] Oh, my God.

[605] It's like three bucks.

[606] And he's like, no. And he was like kind of manhandling me. Brought me back in the store.

[607] Called my dad, called the cops.

[608] My dad was mortified.

[609] What did he do for a living?

[610] He was an exercise physiologist.

[611] Oh, I know this.

[612] Yeah, he's a trainer, well -known around town, and super awesome guy.

[613] Does he have a physique to kill for?

[614] To kill for.

[615] Wow, still.

[616] How old is he?

[617] 64.

[618] I want it, does he have an Instagram account?

[619] He does.

[620] He does.

[621] I want to look.

[622] Is he ever in swimwear in it?

[623] Lots of fluorescence.

[624] Boom.

[625] I can't wait to get a peek.

[626] And he's tall, I'd imagine?

[627] Like six foot, yeah.

[628] Moustache.

[629] Where is the crazy height come from?

[630] How tall is mom?

[631] Six, I don't know.

[632] She's six seven.

[633] She's six, two.

[634] Dad's five, eleven.

[635] She's like my height or an inch shorter, I guess.

[636] Okay.

[637] I'm the tallest of the three daughters.

[638] How tall are you?

[639] Five, seven, or eight?

[640] Okay.

[641] And I guess that's not crazy tall.

[642] No, that was an exaggeration.

[643] I think because I know you're a model, I just assumed you're five, ten.

[644] Oh, no, I was too short in the modeling world.

[645] I was really short.

[646] Oh, you were?

[647] Yeah.

[648] But anyway, I went in and the cops came, and the guy was telling everyone how bad I was, and what I did and my dad's sitting there and he told me later it was the only time he ever wanted to hit me because I was just like mouthing off to the cop and the guy and I was like you know what dude I was like I'm glad you got your kicks for the day like I hope it was nice to feel it up a 17 year old girl did that turn you one I was like is that what this is about and my dad I just saw my dad's head was about to explode oh boy I got in real big trouble for that stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare We've all been there turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches sudden fevers and strange rashes though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios it's usually nothing but for an unlucky few these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter whose body was found at home by his son except it looked like he had been cremated or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[649] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[650] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[651] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[652] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[653] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[654] What's up guys?

[655] This is your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season and let me tell you it's too good and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest okay every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation and I don't mean just friends I mean the likes of Amy polar Kell Mitchell Vivica Fox the list goes on so follow watch and listen to baby this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast now let me ask you an obvious question which is you're drinking after school well during you I cut me. Sure, sure, sure.

[656] You're a little too drunk to attend the rest of the day or whatever.

[657] So I, too, as you know about me, the second I had that, I was like, ah, this is how I need to feel.

[658] This feels right to me. Did it immediately feel correct to you?

[659] Not immediately, no. I had to push myself to get there.

[660] Okay.

[661] Good for you for pushing through.

[662] I powered through.

[663] You're not a quitter.

[664] That's good.

[665] No, the first time I had beers, I had, I think, four beers and three cigarettes and threw up for a day and a half.

[666] So I really had to think about it for six months and then get back up on the horse.

[667] But I wonder, because you just admitted to being shy, was there a relief from that shyness or that anxiety?

[668] There still is for 100%.

[669] I have to catch myself constantly from doing it in like after parties, things like where there are so many people around, like, because you just want to grab for that.

[670] Yeah.

[671] That sense of.

[672] To dull all the shit.

[673] Yeah.

[674] Yeah, and also just because it makes it makes me feel like I'm more fun and more willing to chatter away and stuff.

[675] Yeah, a good friend of ours, Gordon Keith, said everyone's born two beers.

[676] Two beers short of happiness.

[677] And I was like, oh, that is the best evaluation, though, of us is the animals in this complex society is like, we all kind of need just like, just two to kind of just fucking dial it.

[678] I think it's just dial it down a bit.

[679] It's just really overwhelming.

[680] You were designed in your lifetime to at best reach 13 miles an hour.

[681] If you were a fast sprinter in your lifetime, you might reach 13 miles an hour.

[682] And then you probably drove 85 miles an hour here on the way.

[683] So just right there, you're not an animal.

[684] You're not a cheetah that was designed to process information at 65 miles an hour.

[685] So that's interesting.

[686] We are traveling faster than cheetahs, but we didn't evolve to travel.

[687] So mankind's just going to speed into a cliff.

[688] Or maybe we just all have kind of like a base level of anxiety.

[689] because it's all so rapid and so many people in that, you know, I think they have clearly demonstrated that depression's pandemic.

[690] It's not like unique.

[691] It's not one in 20.

[692] It's like 40 % of people in America are experiencing.

[693] Yeah, it's very high.

[694] Monaco will fact check it.

[695] But it's in that realm.

[696] Yeah, it's a lot.

[697] It's high.

[698] And how do you even know most people don't go to therapy?

[699] I know.

[700] That's why they don't have a good, good accurate number.

[701] But even like suicide.

[702] That even improved.

[703] Yes.

[704] So I remember one time reading.

[705] early 90s I moved to LA I had sex with someone without a rubber right and as I often did I hate to admit and I panicked and I went to like a free clinic and I'm like I need an AIDS test and the lady goes okay I'll give you one but have you had anal sex with a man or shot intervenous drugs and I go no and she goes I'm not supposed to tell you this but you don't need to take this test and then she goes read this article in New York Times and it was the data that had been released and of that data it was a really tiny percentage of people that really were just straight non -drug users that were getting HIV in the mid 90s.

[706] And I looked at that data and I said well hey that's shocking.

[707] I thought everyone was getting it.

[708] But more so, that's also people that weren't lying.

[709] Like certainly some of those people had had intervenious drug use and also claimed not to.

[710] So the number in my mind was even probably lower than that because who's ready to admit they shoot dope?

[711] Right.

[712] I can't imagine a lot of people.

[713] This is a very dicey thing I just said, but it is all what happened.

[714] It was a long walk to just agree.

[715] Just circle it back around.

[716] You're saying that most people are sad and not admitting it.

[717] Well, I'm saying if 40 % of America is admitting they have depression, my hunch is at 65%.

[718] Yeah.

[719] Yeah.

[720] So I just think, I don't think it's really all known with the cumulative effect of all this.

[721] Paces.

[722] I think that having, if it is that big of a number, then there is some sort of community in that.

[723] And I think that's good that people can talk about it.

[724] Yeah.

[725] I mean, I just played a character who's bipolar depressive and it was very hard.

[726] Just because I don't feel sad very much, which is good.

[727] I mean, it's great day by day, but I have, I don't have that.

[728] You don't have the mood swings.

[729] You have it, you have the anxiety.

[730] I mean, since, hormonally, maybe, occasionally.

[731] Yeah.

[732] PMS is that way?

[733] Yeah.

[734] Yeah.

[735] PMS.

[736] Yeah, sure.

[737] Free menstrual.

[738] Hormonal was a nice way to say it.

[739] A euphemism?

[740] Yeah.

[741] It helps to have PMS to know, oh, this isn't my normal state.

[742] Right.

[743] The day I get my period, I'm like, holy shit.

[744] Yeah.

[745] Like, I'm so sorry I have to go to make amends to a lot of people.

[746] Yeah, because, right, because the most crippling aspect of those low points is the belief in those moments that it's going to last forever.

[747] That's really the agony of it.

[748] It's the craving to not be in that state.

[749] And to know, oh, it's that and it'll end, it's got to be comforting on some level, right?

[750] Well, a couple of months ago, I had a really bad PMS.

[751] Heavy flow, heavy flow.

[752] We were getting, like, evacuated from the neighborhood, and I was highly anxious, yeah.

[753] And I was feeling anxious and sad and tired, and I was like, what is happening?

[754] Something's happening.

[755] But I didn't know what it was.

[756] I just felt like I needed to get out of my own skin.

[757] And then I got my period and I was like, what?

[758] That's what it was?

[759] Like, it was a huge relief that something wasn't actually wrong with me. I mean, unless I'm going through menopause, but I don't think I am.

[760] You're a few years shy of that, I think.

[761] And then I remembered, so when I had my son, they took my placenta and when you Google my name, it says January Jones.

[762] Eats her placenta.

[763] Did you have it over a panet or a linguine?

[764] In a smoothie.

[765] No, I didn't even see my fucking placenta.

[766] They took it.

[767] my sister's boyfriend took it in a cooler and she made into vitamins and then she made a tincture like with the oils that are left.

[768] I don't know.

[769] And you take it every day if you're tired or, and you could take it all the way up to menopause.

[770] And I remembered I had that and I've been taking that and I haven't had any PMS symptoms.

[771] Oh, wow.

[772] And I never got sad after my son was born.

[773] No post -partum.

[774] Yeah, I really believe that that.

[775] Kristen ate the capsules.

[776] Yeah, I did the capsules.

[777] Right.

[778] She didn't get a tincture, though.

[779] Oh, she got jipped.

[780] And maybe my saying this now, you know, we're not allowed to say jipped anymore.

[781] Do you know that?

[782] What's it mean?

[783] Gypsies.

[784] It's a reference to gypsies.

[785] I learned with this too recently.

[786] Fucked.

[787] Yeah.

[788] She got fucked.

[789] Not me. I'm good.

[790] You can't say fucked anymore.

[791] That's what me. My son asked me what fuck means the other day.

[792] And I was like, it means fornication under consent of the king.

[793] And he was like, oh.

[794] He's like, so I can use it.

[795] And I was like, no, not at school.

[796] Well, hold on, headline.

[797] I did not know that.

[798] But either, or is that, like, just a funny thing?

[799] Or is it real?

[800] No, someone told me that decades ago, maybe my grandpa.

[801] He's a golf means gentleman only, ladies forbidden.

[802] Like, there's all these.

[803] Oh, my goodness.

[804] Unless he's fucking, I mean, he's still alive in 92.

[805] I can double check.

[806] This is great.

[807] Well, he knew something if he's made it to 92.

[808] Yeah.

[809] But don't you ever wonder where fuck came from?

[810] I do.

[811] I do.

[812] But it is, it's a real cure -all fuck.

[813] It would be hard for me to explain to my daughters what fuck is because it means virtually everything for me. I used it a lot.

[814] I had to explain fornication.

[815] Sure, sure.

[816] That's fine, that's fine, yeah.

[817] You have a boy or girl?

[818] I have a boy.

[819] He's eight.

[820] He loves Eminem, so we're jamming out to like Eminem on the way to school.

[821] And it's a lot of swear words.

[822] And I just tell him there's like creative license when you sing.

[823] And don't ever say bitch or stupid.

[824] Those are my main two that I don't like him to say.

[825] Well, he says the R word and the F word.

[826] He's easy, right?

[827] No, Eminem's actually quite clean if you listen to him compared to some.

[828] Oh, he is.

[829] Well, we respect about Eminem is just how fast he is and how, um, he just is, uh, he's, he's, yeah, he's really great.

[830] Yeah, his music is in what also makes great TV or movies in that you have no clue what's coming next.

[831] Like, none of, nothing is predictable about his lyrics, right?

[832] Right, and he enunciates, really, it's like, yeah, really clear.

[833] He even says that in this song we were listening to you this morning, Lucky You, he makes a joke about rappers now that he's like, bra -b -b -b -b -b -b, can't understand.

[834] family, whatever, you know.

[835] Oh.

[836] He throws a little shade.

[837] Yeah.

[838] And then he says I'm throwing shade.

[839] Oh, wow.

[840] He's just on top of it.

[841] Oh, yeah, he's on top.

[842] Self -aware.

[843] You can't get him.

[844] You can't get him.

[845] Self -aware, it's squared.

[846] Yeah.

[847] Do you mind?

[848] See, I don't, I personally don't mind having those conversations with my girls.

[849] Do you mind?

[850] No, I love him to ask questions.

[851] I love him to be able to talk to me about anything and I try not to ever lie.

[852] I mean, I'll be brief about my explanations.

[853] I won't elaborate if I don't feel like I need to.

[854] Yeah.

[855] Because he's a boy and I raise him by myself, I want him to be a little feminist.

[856] But just, yeah, just have someone that's not going to pander to his emotions too much, but also let him let them out if he needs to.

[857] Yeah, that's great.

[858] But it's hard.

[859] It's a hard balance.

[860] Yeah.

[861] And good cop, back, cop balancing as well.

[862] Well, I'm the product of a single mother and it all worked out for me relatively well.

[863] I just had to lower my register if I really want his attention.

[864] Because I can say his name 19 times, but if I'm like, Zander.

[865] He's like, what?

[866] I'm like, what?

[867] And then my dad said it's because men tune out higher registers.

[868] I could see that being true.

[869] Maybe I'm just being lied to by the men of my family.

[870] You're giving gas.

[871] Maybe you're a lot of gaslighting happening.

[872] I guess I'm comfortable with like sex stuff, no problem, all this kind of stuff.

[873] The way the world works, I'm fine with.

[874] The only ones that freak me out is I don't want to introduce stuff that, say, like, when we were kids, the threat of nuclear Holocaust was quite real.

[875] Wasn't?

[876] Yes.

[877] When I was little, I was worried about it was being kidnapped.

[878] Yes, me too.

[879] I was very scared of.

[880] Yeah, you guys could really mind.

[881] Hello, my name is Stephen or whatever the fuck.

[882] Remember that?

[883] It was about that little boy who got Stephen.

[884] Who got kidnapped?

[885] His name was Stephen?

[886] Monica would follow famous kidnappings in the news cycle.

[887] No, it's my main thing.

[888] Like, I love the Jambanae thing.

[889] Yes.

[890] Twist my brain in a way that, when they did that documentary last year on the 20th anniversary and they got all the best forensic scientist.

[891] in the world to come and say what they felt.

[892] It's so clear what happened.

[893] What happened?

[894] The brother killed her for accident.

[895] And then the parents covered it up because they didn't realize that he was only nine when it happened.

[896] So he wouldn't have been tried for murder anyway because in Colorado you can't be until you're 10.

[897] Oh, wow.

[898] They got in just under the wire.

[899] For no reason.

[900] Because they're like, one's already gone.

[901] We don't want to lose the other.

[902] Which is, I get.

[903] I totally, I'm just learning of this.

[904] She ate his pineapple and milk so he bashed over the head with the flashlight.

[905] That's what they're saying.

[906] The pineapple and milk pie.

[907] Yeah, because that's what they found still in her, like, oh, right.

[908] Guys, I'm so odd.

[909] And that was his favorite.

[910] Watch it.

[911] It's fascinating.

[912] Wait, what, it's a documentary?

[913] Yes, 2020, maybe.

[914] One of the main networks did it.

[915] And then the brother and the dad who are still alive, they went to.

[916] The mom's not?

[917] The mom passed away of cancer.

[918] Like, kind of soon after, right?

[919] It happened.

[920] Kind of, yeah.

[921] Yeah.

[922] But I don't know if the son, even though he is adamant that wasn't the case.

[923] Yeah.

[924] But his memory.

[925] is whatever he was nine if they said you did this and he's not incarcerated or anything this isn't behavior he is replicated if in fact that is what happened no i mean sometimes kids just fucking i've seen my friends kids like beat up their shit yeah yeah yeah they're yeah i once picked up my sister and dropped her on her head in their driveway yeah yeah she could have landed the wrong way exactly so you know i got to say if that is the exact case i would have zero interest in prosecuting those parents for covering up to save their kids.

[926] No, no, it gives you huge empathy towards them and what they did, but it was so elaborate and the fact that they were going after other gut people.

[927] Well, right, it goes to show, I just read recently this great book about the birth of forensics in detective work in France and like the 1800s.

[928] And every time there was a serial killer that was just kind of wandering from village to village.

[929] And back then no one communicated.

[930] There was no phones.

[931] Something would happen in this village and then the guy would be gone and they would have no idea that had happened in both other villages.

[932] But every time he would leave, basically the community would just go, like, who do we all kind of hate?

[933] And they'd convince themselves that that person did it.

[934] So the real tragedy of it was that all these other people that ended up getting kind of prosecuted or killed or vigilante justice.

[935] And they were wrong.

[936] And we're wrong all the time because stuff makes sense.

[937] And it was happening even with like Bundy and stuff.

[938] He'd just change states.

[939] And then no state communicated with each other.

[940] But the job, but anything, there were so many great red herrings in it that I started with, I can't relate to having a kid that.

[941] you dress up in adult clothes and have damn sexy.

[942] I don't know why they focused on that because they said that brought in sexual predators or something.

[943] Well, the semen, quote unquote, semen that they found in her underwear was so minuscule.

[944] They said that it came from the manufacturer in like Asia where the underwear was made.

[945] It was so little.

[946] Oh, they're beating off in the hair.

[947] It was like a woman's hair.

[948] Like it was just human DNA, not hers.

[949] Oh, and not semen.

[950] I don't think so.

[951] It couldn't have been hers.

[952] I mean, you have to watch it.

[953] It's so fascinating.

[954] I watch it like three times.

[955] So you, okay.

[956] But when we were kids.

[957] I'm slightly older than you, but not much.

[958] There was a movie, a TV movie called The Last Day.

[959] Fuck, I'll remember the name of it.

[960] But it was about, you know, Russia and the U .S. having a huge nuclear event.

[961] And it's the only thing my mother, I was allowed to look at Playboys at the dinner table at like eight years old.

[962] She didn't care.

[963] She's like, yeah, it's naked people.

[964] They're great.

[965] Would not let me watch that.

[966] And I was grateful to it because what a thing to be worrying about at eight years old.

[967] Like these two superpowers have all these.

[968] It's out of your hands.

[969] I mean, why she doesn't need to trouble you with that?

[970] Exactly.

[971] So there are certain concepts that are very scary even to adults that I'm probably not excited to talk about.

[972] Yeah, I mean.

[973] Once they don't have solutions, I guess.

[974] Like shootings or.

[975] I can talk about the school shootings.

[976] I don't.

[977] I try to just educate him on what to do.

[978] Like if we're on a plane or a movie theater or the mall, I always like know where your exits are.

[979] Yeah.

[980] Run, hide, whatever if something bad happens without going into too much detail.

[981] Yeah.

[982] Just like.

[983] a video game or, you know, something.

[984] I just don't want him to not be prepared.

[985] If worse.

[986] I go the other way.

[987] I go, yeah, that happened.

[988] It's horrific.

[989] It's a really horrific sickness that we have in this country.

[990] Also, how often do you worry about getting struck by lightning?

[991] Not very often, right?

[992] Your odds are getting struck by lightning.

[993] Only when I'm all, like, golfing or in the water.

[994] Okay, so you actually worry about it.

[995] I'm never, ever thinking about getting struck by lightning, ever.

[996] I'm not worried about getting attacked by a bear.

[997] I'm not worried.

[998] You know, all these low percentage things.

[999] Right.

[1000] In fact, more people get hit in the head with coconuts on vacation and die than get attacked by bears.

[1001] But when you're walking in the woods, you're consumed with the idea you're going to get attacked by a bear.

[1002] So I just think sometimes odds are really helpful in mitigating.

[1003] Right, I'll give him odds.

[1004] Like, so he loves bears right now.

[1005] He is concerned about that.

[1006] And I just told him what to do.

[1007] If wherever somewhere where a bear or mountain line comes, you make yourself really big.

[1008] Pull out your gun.

[1009] Shout as loud as you can.

[1010] Yeah.

[1011] Aim for the.

[1012] like eyeball.

[1013] I swim as sharks for Oceania.

[1014] I do shark conservation stuff and I swim with them to do PSA videos and stuff and he wants to start doing that.

[1015] But since we've been talking about sharks, we watch Shark Week and stuff in the ocean, he does like get worried about going out too far.

[1016] Sure.

[1017] So I give him the tools and stuff and then also give him a percentage, like you are more likely to die from a vending machine than a shark attack.

[1018] And then he goes to a vending machine and he's like, will you do it?

[1019] Oh.

[1020] Oh, I'm like, oh, man. Backfired a little bit.

[1021] Well, the big one is, how often are you worried driving to school in the car?

[1022] Right.

[1023] I mean, that is the biggest odds number that you're going to get killed in the car.

[1024] And it's just, you're not too worried about it.

[1025] So let's just keep everything in proportion.

[1026] I mean, we should, getting shot is like a real.

[1027] It's becoming, unfortunately.

[1028] It is a real thing.

[1029] It needs to be solved.

[1030] And you should have an appropriate level of fear over it.

[1031] Because there's no reason for you, but there's no reason for you to amplify the fear in your head.

[1032] I don't think I'm amplifying it within him where he's thinking about it.

[1033] Right, right, right, right.

[1034] I don't think that you are or not.

[1035] I mean, I hope not.

[1036] We were in a theater and I'm like, you know where your exits are?

[1037] He's like, yeah, they're there.

[1038] Do you think about it when you go, I do?

[1039] I do.

[1040] I'm a mom.

[1041] I'm just like constantly worried some, like a piano's going to fall out the window in New York.

[1042] I don't know.

[1043] Like, it's just, I worry too much.

[1044] Do you think you had that before you had kids?

[1045] About certain things.

[1046] I have this fear of fear.

[1047] Like I was a. afraid of sharks.

[1048] So I started diving with sharks.

[1049] I was afraid of heights.

[1050] So I went skydiving with Coucher once.

[1051] I thought, I just need to do it once.

[1052] Face it.

[1053] Can we dive into the sharks a bit, pun intended?

[1054] What is the most dangerous shark you've swam in proximity to?

[1055] And not in a cage.

[1056] We don't do like Great Whites and stuff in cages because that sort of defeats the purpose of visually having a cage because the whole saying is we should be afraid for sharks, not of.

[1057] And me in a cage.

[1058] That's a hard leap for me. I'm afraid of them.

[1059] I am very afraid.

[1060] No, so am I. But there fascinating, and I would love to, if I did swim with Great Whites, I think I would still do it, even as a mom, without a cage, if I was comfortable with the shark in question.

[1061] How would you know?

[1062] If the people that I was with knew the shark, because they swim up the same sharks a lot.

[1063] Yeah.

[1064] And they're like, this girl's sweet.

[1065] And what's this thing?

[1066] Obviously, if you hear this into sharks, you've seen this thing where they can hypnotize this shark.

[1067] It's called tonic hypnosis.

[1068] It's when you flip the shark when it's on, it's like what orcas do.

[1069] They bump it and they flips it over.

[1070] And when a shark's on its back, it goes into this trans -like state.

[1071] They either sink or just float.

[1072] I've done it with tagging, like the small sharks, we flip them over, and then they're just limp.

[1073] And you can tag them and measure them and do all this stuff.

[1074] And I also saw a guy in a boat.

[1075] He was hitting them on the nose in a weird way.

[1076] Because that's where the Ambuli of Lorenzini is, these little dots.

[1077] Amboliam Loram -Lormeum.

[1078] Ampulai of Lorenzini.

[1079] It's like they're six cents.

[1080] So have you had any dicey calls, though, when you were in there with sharks?

[1081] I know that's counter to your movement.

[1082] Only one time.

[1083] It was human error, though.

[1084] So I was on a, we were in Bimini in the Bahamas and we were trying to get some shots with just some reef sharks.

[1085] There's a nurse and lemon sharks and just reef sharks.

[1086] And but the people on the boat where the cameras were around me and they wanted a shot with me, like surrounded by sharks.

[1087] So they're chumming the water, which you're not supposed to do.

[1088] And like, chum was hitting me in the head.

[1089] Oh, boy.

[1090] So I was like, dude, it's like I'm being as safe as I can possibly be.

[1091] And if you're a spokesperson loses a limb, it's probably not the best thing for the whole campaign, you know?

[1092] Or a head if it's hitting you in the head.

[1093] Well, I could fend it off if they get to my head.

[1094] But if I lose like a little philangey or something.

[1095] Sure.

[1096] Did you panic at all?

[1097] No, I'd taken a beta blocker because it lowers your heart rate.

[1098] Right.

[1099] Or keeps it steady.

[1100] Yeah.

[1101] And that's amazing for shark diving.

[1102] Oh, I bet.

[1103] Because they sense your heart rate rising and that's when they think you're prey.

[1104] Oh, my God.

[1105] Hold on a second.

[1106] How can they sense your heart rate?

[1107] Might have something to do with the ampulai of Lorenzini.

[1108] Oh, God.

[1109] Yeah, she said it says they're six cents.

[1110] They can sense fear.

[1111] You know how people, well, I won't speak for everyone.

[1112] I have, of course, had the fantasy of taking on a French lover.

[1113] I've never got to do that.

[1114] Me too.

[1115] Right.

[1116] And I want them to speak French the whole time.

[1117] Like, it's so sexy.

[1118] I think if I went on a date with you and I learned that you could say that word, I would really want you to say it as often as possible in a romantic setting.

[1119] Monica, do you want a Frenchman to speak to you in French?

[1120] No, I'm the only, one of the only humans in America who's not taken by accents.

[1121] Like, I don't like accents.

[1122] Well, it depends on the accent.

[1123] I don't like any of them.

[1124] I don't even like British ones.

[1125] What if my South Dakota accent comes out?

[1126] Are you going to be super bum?

[1127] I'll still like it.

[1128] I'll still like.

[1129] You like American regionals.

[1130] I'm not attracted to accents.

[1131] Just by the accent.

[1132] Yeah, you know, people, like, girls love a British accent.

[1133] So Penelope Cruz isn't prettier because of the way she talks.

[1134] Oh, like a little.

[1135] No, in fact, in spite of.

[1136] Oh, wow.

[1137] In spite of.

[1138] It's because I grew up around a lot of accents that I didn't like.

[1139] I'm sure that.

[1140] That's why.

[1141] Yeah, the hillbilly accent?

[1142] Yes, correct.

[1143] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1144] No, I'm not turned down my hillbilly accent either.

[1145] Well, that's not true.

[1146] There's a few that are really dynamite.

[1147] Name one.

[1148] Okay, like, oh, it's not a hillbilly accent, but it's a southern accent.

[1149] Harry Connick Jr. Oh, his is not hillbilly.

[1150] That's like maple syrup dripping off a honeycomb.

[1151] No, but that's also his, you can hear his vocal cords.

[1152] Yeah.

[1153] But there are some really charming southern accents.

[1154] Like the dude.

[1155] It's not hillbilly.

[1156] Yeah, that's not hillbilly.

[1157] It's not like the guys from duck, duck, whatever.

[1158] Duck dynasty.

[1159] Duck tales.

[1160] They have the worst accents on duck.

[1161] Some people do love a hillbilly accent.

[1162] Like, you know, some people are.

[1163] I actually took a French lover once and I had a hard time understanding.

[1164] I was like.

[1165] Did you need to understand though?

[1166] She could be saying anything.

[1167] Wash my clothes when we're done, clean up the house.

[1168] And I would just think it was so erotic.

[1169] Have you ever heard Bradley Cooper speak French?

[1170] is the second time I'm talking about him because of the birthday.

[1171] I have.

[1172] You have.

[1173] It's phenomenal.

[1174] I was at a talk show with him.

[1175] He doesn't need that.

[1176] Agreed.

[1177] I went with him to like a talk show in Paris, a comedic nighttime talk show.

[1178] And not only was he just conversing with everyone at will, he was making jokes with the right timing and everything.

[1179] And they were all dying laughing.

[1180] Does that not sound interesting?

[1181] No, no, no. I do like that.

[1182] If someone has an American accent, but then they just happen to be able to speak a lot of languages, that just shows like.

[1183] Oh, you have a good work ethic.

[1184] Uh -huh.

[1185] I like that.

[1186] They're a polymath.

[1187] They're just cultured.

[1188] They're worldly.

[1189] Okay.

[1190] My son's learning French.

[1191] Oh, he is?

[1192] See, he'll be a Bradley Cooper type.

[1193] Oh, God.

[1194] Fingers fucking crossed.

[1195] Yeah.

[1196] Okay, so you went into this teen pageant, and then someone must have said, I think you should do modeling.

[1197] After the pageant, I went to a modeling school in Omaha, Nebraska.

[1198] Uh -huh.

[1199] And the lady there hooked me up with an agent.

[1200] in New York.

[1201] And you went.

[1202] And then I could, my parents said I could go after I turned 18.

[1203] So I had to wait until I was 18.

[1204] So three days after I turned 18, I flew to New York.

[1205] January 8th.

[1206] Yep.

[1207] You were on your way.

[1208] Yeah.

[1209] And then you worked plenty as a model, right?

[1210] Enough.

[1211] I mean, I did commercial stuff.

[1212] I couldn't do runway and things like that.

[1213] Uh -huh.

[1214] Because you weren't tall enough or you couldn't walk in that weird?

[1215] Tall enough.

[1216] Okay.

[1217] But could you do that crazy walk they do?

[1218] It's a very specific leap they - I mean, it was different in the 90s.

[1219] In the 90s, it was more of a strut.

[1220] And now it's just kind of a. I mean, if you've ever been to a runway show, like a couture runway show, they look like insects.

[1221] Right.

[1222] It's like crazy.

[1223] They almost prance like horses.

[1224] Like they're like the hip -and -hop.

[1225] And their horse was behind them.

[1226] Yeah.

[1227] It's like, it's a skill, it looks like.

[1228] And the probability of looking ridiculous is quite high.

[1229] Like I think the leap to make, to do that walk is on par with someone trying to do like a, a biopic of someone famous.

[1230] It's just, it's, well, I'm not saying that it takes as much.

[1231] much.

[1232] I'm just saying, talk about you've got to fully commit or not.

[1233] You can't do that walk halfway.

[1234] Yeah, but I've been on a lot of runway shows as a spectator and seeing like the awkward 15, 16 year old girl who just is just gangly and awkward, but it's like, oh, look at her walk.

[1235] It's like, no, she's just trying to walk in those shoes.

[1236] Right.

[1237] Do you think that's what they're replicating?

[1238] Are they selling like a new biol fawn who can't find its legs?

[1239] I think there's so many of them that walk that way that that's like the thing.

[1240] Okay.

[1241] But I wonder if anyone's, aware of what's subconsciously happening.

[1242] Are they, is that, you know what I'm saying?

[1243] And then every once in a while you'll see one and their like knees will buckle and they'll fall.

[1244] Oh, wow.

[1245] Are those on YouTube?

[1246] Like models falling?

[1247] I must go down a rabbit hole.

[1248] They've all done it.

[1249] Even Naomi Campbell's taking a tumble.

[1250] She's eating shit.

[1251] Oh, that's scary.

[1252] Fall off the end.

[1253] Oh, God.

[1254] Get hit by a car, roll out into the street.

[1255] Wow.

[1256] Two or three of them have died close to the road.

[1257] So this is a weird, but just logistical.

[1258] Is there like a. a lot of money in runway modeling?

[1259] For some of them, for sure, yeah.

[1260] Like 10 ,000 of the show.

[1261] Okay, that's a nice show.

[1262] Or more depending, like, if you're a supermodel or whatever.

[1263] Right.

[1264] And I was only in one runway show, and it was in Paris, and I was, like, so excited to get cast in a runway show, and then none of the shoes fit me because I have tiny feet.

[1265] Uh -oh.

[1266] So they're, like, just send her out barefoot.

[1267] Oh.

[1268] So not only was I shorter than everyone else, but I wasn't wearing shoes, so I was just like paddling out there.

[1269] Like, hi, guys.

[1270] It was humiliating.

[1271] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1272] Okay, so you end up in New York.

[1273] You meet Kutch Doctor.

[1274] When does it transition into acting?

[1275] Even before I got here, I was trying to do like commercial work here.

[1276] So I go back and forth.

[1277] And I met my commercial agent, Robin Levy, here.

[1278] And she was on the same floor of the building as what was Goldmiller, Jimmy Miller.

[1279] And so she introduced me to Jimmy Miller and Paul Nelson, and they took me on as a project.

[1280] I met Jimmy, made him laugh, and he's like, let's see what we can do with her.

[1281] And I started working, like, right away.

[1282] No kidding.

[1283] Never had to take a supplementary job.

[1284] Oh, that is lucky.

[1285] Super lucky.

[1286] Jimmy was my manager for a short period of time, and I adore him.

[1287] Yeah, he's great.

[1288] And there's still my managers.

[1289] Oh, they still are.

[1290] So can I just ask, when you read the pilot of Mad Men, was it obvious to you that it was madman or was it like I don't know this this is good but the writing was beyond anything I'd ever read before it was so good that I didn't think anything would happen with it I think oh meaning it wouldn't get made I didn't think it would go beyond the pilot none of us did because also AMC had never done a TV show so it was just a very big risk so much so that I was willing to take it right because I didn't want to sign a seven -year contract with a TV show I was doing films and having fun but I was like yeah let's do it.

[1291] And I initially auditioned for Peggy, Elizabeth Moss's role, and did a couple auditions for that.

[1292] And it was down to the two of us.

[1293] And then obviously she got Peggy.

[1294] And he was like, yeah, but I want to use you for something.

[1295] So overnight he wrote a role for me for Betty.

[1296] Oh, really?

[1297] And wrote like two scenes and had me read it and had me read it twice.

[1298] And then I signed the contract just with a promise, a verbal promise that there would be a role for her if the show got picked up.

[1299] Right.

[1300] That's risky.

[1301] Sometimes it doesn't pan out.

[1302] It was a huge, it was like signing a seven -year contract with just a promise, not even knowing if I liked the show or the character or any, it's just...

[1303] That's also amazing though, because she's a enormous part of the show.

[1304] Well, and AMC, once it did get picked up, AMC and Linesgate were super resistant to showing Don's domestic side.

[1305] Oh, interesting.

[1306] Because they thought it would make you not like him?

[1307] I don't know.

[1308] I would imagine...

[1309] It humanizes them a bunch.

[1310] It humanizes them a bunch.

[1311] Like without that, had we never seen that part of his life, I don't think he would have been as likable.

[1312] Well, it could have gone either way.

[1313] It could make him either more sympathetic or you could meet Betty, fall in love with Betty, and start hating the lead of the show.

[1314] Like, why is this guy cheating on her nonstop?

[1315] I mean, it's risky.

[1316] Well, it goes back and forth.

[1317] I mean, people, mostly I feel excited with Don.

[1318] Well, that's the nature of story, right?

[1319] Whoever our expressed hero is, we don't give a fuck.

[1320] Right.

[1321] I was watching.

[1322] Did you watch The Loudest Voice?

[1323] on show time that it was the Roger Ailes story.

[1324] You know, personally, I think Roger Ales was a vomitous human being, and obviously, politically, I don't think like him.

[1325] Yet, I got sucked into that show, and I, like, wanted him to get vindicated.

[1326] I wanted Fox News to be number one.

[1327] And I was sitting there, and I said to Monica, I'm like, look at that fucking power of story.

[1328] Like, I want this, because he's my lead.

[1329] They gave, they said that this is who you're following, and now I'm rooting for him.

[1330] Right.

[1331] It's so powerful.

[1332] Yeah.

[1333] But there's also super likable things.

[1334] about him.

[1335] He's like a super broken guy.

[1336] Well, Draper.

[1337] Yeah.

[1338] Yeah.

[1339] Not Al so much.

[1340] But again, I don't think you would see the depths of how broken and complicated he is if you don't see him at home.

[1341] You need that juxtaposition in order to really know like, oh, he's fucked up.

[1342] Fornication under the Consent of the King.

[1343] I hope that.

[1344] I hope that.

[1345] Well, we will find out.

[1346] Otherwise, Christmas is going to be really rough for my grandpa.

[1347] If you stop to think about why the show was magic, outside of the obvious things that it was like incredibly well written, incredibly well acted, beautifully shot, all these elements.

[1348] Have you tried to isolate?

[1349] What do you think it was about Mad Men that was so captivating?

[1350] Well, I think it's twofold.

[1351] I mean, I think that people love the nostalgia aspect of it.

[1352] Sure.

[1353] And going back to that time where things seemed like simpler and better and more glamorous, but also the when it started airing was in the middle of the Obama campaign and I don't it just felt very parallel to where the world was at and like having a hope in the country and and just the ups and downs as the show went on for whatever it went like nine years or something it just seemed to parallel where we were going like that time in the 60s was very similar to what was happening yeah I think for like a guy this is terrible to say, but I'll just say it.

[1354] I think there is some fantasy that, I think it's why I've been obsessed with artists growing up.

[1355] It's like, there's this fantasy that I, if I provide this one thing, like if I'm a musician and I can write this amazing song, it'll excuse all of my id. I can fuck, drink, take pills, do everything I want, be unaccountable, not show up, be a shitty dad, but I've made this music and that'll whitewash the whole thing.

[1356] So there was something about going like oh this guy's got he was fucking everyone he's drunk all the time blah blah blah but he's earning and he's providing and there was a time when that was enough yeah and there's something selfishly hedonistic about like oh i i wish i could just get away with all that yeah i mean i definitely started to see people because i love my favorite restaurants houston's like yours and i would go the one in century city i would go there every monday because my favorite soups the new orleans red bean and So I go every Monday and get a grilled out of choke in the soup, and I'd sit at the bar.

[1357] And as the show went on, I started seeing people have, like, cocktails at lunch.

[1358] I bet.

[1359] And then they, like, nod at me, like, and I'm like, cool, like, great, like, whatever.

[1360] Like, it would, like, brought back some sort of romantic ideal that we should slow down a little bit.

[1361] The pace of the show took people by surprise at first.

[1362] How slow it was.

[1363] It was slow.

[1364] I loved that.

[1365] And when everything was speeding up and just starting to speed up, the show was like, no, we're slowing back down.

[1366] And I think a lot of people like that about it, too, and just having drinks.

[1367] And when we'd go to an after party at an award ceremony, they'd put the madmen table outside, just assuming we're all going to smoke our asses off.

[1368] Well, again, that was part of what I'm saying is like, oh, I long for the time when you just smoke not worrying about cancer.

[1369] Right.

[1370] Yeah.

[1371] Yeah, I wonder what the female appeal.

[1372] The female appeal to the show.

[1373] It's called mad men, but I think the strongest characters are the women.

[1374] For sure.

[1375] I mean, the things they overcome, the things I say and do.

[1376] I mean, it's super empowering for women to watch that show.

[1377] Definitely.

[1378] You're totally right.

[1379] You're totally right.

[1380] And it really, man, does it give you a good sense of, like, what obstacles were in there?

[1381] And also just seeing things in the office with Peggy and Joan or whatever.

[1382] Like, that shit doesn't, that hasn't changed very much.

[1383] Yeah.

[1384] So I think it was.

[1385] Relatable.

[1386] Like, is everybody seeing this?

[1387] Like, this is still happening.

[1388] Yeah.

[1389] Yeah, shining a light on it.

[1390] Yeah.

[1391] I was in an elevator once, and some guy said something about some girl's skirt behind me. And I was just like, are you kidding?

[1392] Like, it was so madman.

[1393] I was like, is he saying this for me?

[1394] Like, does he know I'm here?

[1395] Right.

[1396] And he didn't.

[1397] And I was like, you, I had to say something.

[1398] I was like, you can't say that to her.

[1399] And she was like, thank you.

[1400] Oh, wow.

[1401] Good job.

[1402] Good for you.

[1403] Yeah.

[1404] Where did you shoot that?

[1405] We shot it here downtown LA Center Studios.

[1406] Because we had to build all the sets.

[1407] And we used Pasadena for the.

[1408] Austin, New York, and then we use the Biltmore a lot downtown, a lot of, like Muso and Frank, we used a lot of old places here.

[1409] And then the exterior, New York stuff was just computers.

[1410] Right.

[1411] When you drive downtown and you go past those places, do you get a very warm feeling?

[1412] Or a, I'm glad it's over.

[1413] What's the feeling you get?

[1414] I get a very warm feeling.

[1415] Oh, good.

[1416] Yeah, I just went to, on Friday night, there's Redarte, the designers, had a prom.

[1417] They have an 80s prom every year, and they have it at the built.

[1418] more.

[1419] Oh, fun.

[1420] And it was pretty in pink this year.

[1421] So I'm, you know, 80s pink outfit.

[1422] And I go down the famous scene when Betty comes down on Valentine's Day down those steps.

[1423] I did it in the 80s.

[1424] Oh, that's fun.

[1425] That's great.

[1426] Yeah.

[1427] No, I love it.

[1428] Yeah.

[1429] It was an amazing time.

[1430] Amazing time.

[1431] So you got nominated twice.

[1432] You got a Golden Globe, two Golden Globe nominations and an Emmy nomination.

[1433] I guess tell me what that experience is like, because I've obviously never been nominated for anything.

[1434] That's not true.

[1435] We won a podcast award.

[1436] I'm very proud of it.

[1437] Yeah, and much deserved, by the way.

[1438] I mean, it was unexpected.

[1439] I just didn't, when we first got our first Golden Globe nomination, it was the year of the writer's strike.

[1440] So there was no ceremony.

[1441] So we just all got together at the chateau, and then we were listening to it on the radio.

[1442] Okay.

[1443] And John won best actor and the show won best show, so we're like, oh my God.

[1444] Oh, no. We for sure are getting another season, right?

[1445] That's more fun in a way, in a way.

[1446] It was...

[1447] He won, but he didn't even get to, like, accept it and make it...

[1448] No. Oh, my gosh.

[1449] So, but it was really fun.

[1450] It was a really fun party.

[1451] And then after that, we always had our parties out there afterwards.

[1452] It just snowballed into this big thing, and all of a sudden people were watching.

[1453] Because after the first season aired, I got to...

[1454] I would remember I was on the 405, and I got a call, and by 405 and Sunset, I have such a vivid memory.

[1455] And this woman says, hi, Miss Jones, I've got...

[1456] Jack Nicholson for you.

[1457] And I was like, sweet.

[1458] No. Like, okay.

[1459] I did a movie with him called Anger Management.

[1460] And he was always super, I played a lesbian porn star in anger management, but he would always just come over and he noticed that I wasn't going to look at my takes.

[1461] He's like, I see you're not watching yourself.

[1462] And I'm like, no, I can't.

[1463] He's like, well, I used to be that way too.

[1464] I'm not going to do the voice because I'm my own worst critic, which I think you are too.

[1465] And I was like, yeah.

[1466] And he's like, well, just go.

[1467] and look, and then you can change it.

[1468] You don't have to listen to the director.

[1469] And I was like, oh, right.

[1470] And then he called and he just said he had watched the whole first season, not realizing it was me until he bothered to look at the credits and was, like, blown away.

[1471] And he wanted a call and say nice things.

[1472] And he did.

[1473] And he said, if I ever wanted, like, a mentor, like, if I ever wanted to have advice or whatever, I should talk to him.

[1474] So right after that, I did the cover of interview magazine, and they always have a celebrity interview you for that.

[1475] And I was like, well, it would be so cool if Jack would.

[1476] do it and they're like, no, he's not.

[1477] He won't do that.

[1478] So I called him and he's like, yes, I will do that.

[1479] Oh.

[1480] That's so nice.

[1481] So he set up this whole thing at his house, sort of like this, except he just had a little recorder.

[1482] And it was just us too.

[1483] He didn't want anyone from the magazine there.

[1484] He had a whole stack of questions sitting there and lunch and stuff.

[1485] And he had all these questions.

[1486] And he's just like, I just want you know, the reason I did this is because I just don't want you to tell people too many things about you because then they won't believe you in the role.

[1487] And if you have to do press, which you shouldn't.

[1488] Right.

[1489] But I know you're contractually obligated that you should just either lie or just be very brief and mysterious.

[1490] What advice.

[1491] And so he would ask me a question.

[1492] I would give a brief answer and then he would go on to tell me a corresponding story of his own that went on for like a half an hour.

[1493] He's like, so you're like, sure.

[1494] I'm going to tell you this story.

[1495] I hate sharks and I win us.

[1496] So I had to go out and I swam from Point Dune all the way out to the buoy and back.

[1497] Didn't get attacked.

[1498] And I'm fine.

[1499] And he had all these stories.

[1500] And he cut it all out, all his own stories, of course.

[1501] Yeah.

[1502] But it was a really cool thing that he did.

[1503] Well, let me ask you something, though.

[1504] Is there any part of your brain that's going?

[1505] He wants to sleep with me. No. Maybe I should.

[1506] No, but he never, I never got that vibe from him.

[1507] Only recently at a dinner party, it was only a couple years ago, someone said something to him about me because we were sitting next to each other and chatting, chatting, and he's like, we're all of friends or whatever.

[1508] And one of his guy friends said something, like a joke about dating.

[1509] He looked at me really, like, quizzical, like, I never did do that, did I?

[1510] And I was like, no, you forgot.

[1511] Thank God.

[1512] And he's like, well, now you're at an age where I could.

[1513] Oh.

[1514] And I'm like, no, but please.

[1515] Let's keep it on the rails.

[1516] I might be getting older, but so are you.

[1517] I guess you know what it is so often when we hear the word mentoring and it's offered by some older actor, it's a real red flag.

[1518] But this is a great story.

[1519] I'm very naive to that too.

[1520] I never had that feeling.

[1521] I never felt unsafe.

[1522] I was in his home alone and yeah.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] I never had that.

[1525] Boy, I got to say of all the people that we've got to meet or be around, He's the guy that I've many times been walking off the floor of the Lakers in the tunnel and you're with him.

[1526] And I look at him and I'm just like, I couldn't begin to say hi to him.

[1527] I'm so intimidated by him.

[1528] He really is in some weird zone in my mind of just.

[1529] Other level.

[1530] Otherworldly, almost.

[1531] Otherworldly, yeah.

[1532] Yeah, he's just a normal dude.

[1533] I was going to say he's a regular.

[1534] He's not a regular guy, but he has been very helpful to me. Because after a Mad Men ended and I got the offer for Last Man on Earth, it's like I was just, like, people are only going to remember me as Betty.

[1535] And he said, is that the worst thing?

[1536] Yeah.

[1537] And I said, oh, yeah.

[1538] He's like, but you got to keep working.

[1539] He's like, people only know me from like the Joker or the Shining.

[1540] He's like, you think I get scripts?

[1541] And I'm like, yes, I believe you're doing.

[1542] How we see ourselves is just like.

[1543] People's stories are so funny.

[1544] Because I remember, I actually told this story when I interviewed.

[1545] Kate, but when I was dating Kate and got to hang out with Kurt Russell, he would tell me all the time, he's like, oh, I'd never get fucking recognized if I wasn't married to Goldie, but I'm always with Goldie and everyone knows her and then they figure out, it's me. And I'm like, in your mind, that's the truth, isn't it?

[1546] Yeah.

[1547] And we just see ourselves differently, I guess.

[1548] Yeah.

[1549] You know, what's funny is I actually thought of you.

[1550] I thought of you when you started last man on Earth is, you know, it's our, that was our favorite comedy for like three years.

[1551] No, when you said that.

[1552] That's so cool when people say that.

[1553] Oh, we love it.

[1554] It's genius level comedy.

[1555] I mean, it's just fart jokes.

[1556] No, no, it's not.

[1557] It's so smart.

[1558] Yeah.

[1559] It's so funny.

[1560] We loved it.

[1561] We loved it.

[1562] But I thought of you and I was like, man, I'm envious of you being on Madman and yet I would be so overwhelmed with the decision of what's next.

[1563] It's so stressful because you have all this cachet.

[1564] People want you.

[1565] You're also real.

[1566] it's got a time stamp on it like it'll you know after however many years that that won't be relevant it's just a stressful time to make a decision isn't it yeah i mean my agent pushed me into that a bit because i got the offer for last man while we're still wrapping up madman and i was super scared to do it yeah for me just as a person it was the right thing to do for my soul to go do comedy, do something fun where I'm just laughing all day, and be just in a different atmosphere.

[1567] And then when they said it shoots and chats worth, it was like 20 minutes from my house.

[1568] I was like, sold.

[1569] Yeah.

[1570] Which is pretty lazy.

[1571] Yeah, where it shoots is everything for Kristen and I. It's just not an option for us to be gone for eight months of the year or whatever.

[1572] Yeah, the show I just did shot in Toronto from January until May and it was so cold and so foreign and to bring my son, take him out of school.

[1573] It was just very hard all around.

[1574] Yeah.

[1575] What was that?

[1576] Not the politician.

[1577] You were on the politician?

[1578] No, politician shot here.

[1579] Okay.

[1580] So that was gray.

[1581] And I wasn't in very much of it.

[1582] So that was a breeze.

[1583] But this one was spinning out, which comes out January 1st.

[1584] Okay.

[1585] Okay.

[1586] Spinning out.

[1587] And what's it about?

[1588] This is about figure skating and bipolar depression.

[1589] Of course.

[1590] That'll.

[1591] Of course.

[1592] That old trope.

[1593] Boy, I've seen that a thousand times.

[1594] If I got to watch one more goddamn series about bipolar figure skaters, I'm going to.

[1595] It's juicy.

[1596] Do you have to skate in it?

[1597] I play sort of like a Tanya Harding as a mom.

[1598] She was an ex -figure skater and I have two daughters.

[1599] I don't know.

[1600] If I get a job where I don't have to slap my kid, we'll see what happens.

[1601] That's your career goal is to be in something you don't abuse a child on.

[1602] You're the lead.

[1603] You're the big fish.

[1604] Yeah.

[1605] How do you like that?

[1606] I don't.

[1607] Yeah, right?

[1608] Let's talk about that.

[1609] This is a lot of pressure.

[1610] Yeah.

[1611] Yeah.

[1612] Yeah.

[1613] So not nearly on the scale is yours, but when parenthood ended, I'm like, hmm, I'm getting offered now to be the only person or one of two people and things.

[1614] And I was like, I've done this before.

[1615] I've made these mistakes before.

[1616] It was like I was in an ensemble without a paddle.

[1617] It did great.

[1618] And then I immediately needed to be the lead of something.

[1619] And then, you know.

[1620] I've never had that wish ever.

[1621] I mean, I just, I don't know that I have the motivation or the drive to want to be that person.

[1622] I'm not married to the job enough to really.

[1623] really want to worry about that.

[1624] Is that something that is a product of having a child, or have you always been this way?

[1625] I've always been that way.

[1626] Oh.

[1627] It wasn't something that I ever aspired to be in a real way.

[1628] Right.

[1629] If I failed or had a bad audition, it rolled off my back.

[1630] Oh, that's, it didn't bother me. That's helpful.

[1631] It was like, because there was always a reason, whether it was told to me by my agent or manager or whatever, they're like, you're not right for this because of this.

[1632] And I was like, sure, that's fine.

[1633] I never went home crying after something.

[1634] It's also the truth.

[1635] I try to tell this to Monica a lot, not that she's not listening, but the fact that you're up against Elizabeth Moss for Peggy, I can't imagine you being Peggy.

[1636] No, me neither.

[1637] I can't imagine anyone other than Elizabeth Moss being Peggy.

[1638] You might have delivered it absolutely perfectly, but then just the packaging, you're like, well, I don't know that all this other story we're going to tell on top of it makes the exact same sense.

[1639] Nothing to do with your performance at all.

[1640] It's just like, oh, it's just, said it more succinctly.

[1641] It was just said, you're too pretty to play Peggy.

[1642] Right, right.

[1643] Well, that's direct.

[1644] And that can just, that's, can be.

[1645] But am I supposed to be upset about that?

[1646] Like, I don't know.

[1647] Then write me something interesting where I can look the way I look.

[1648] I don't know.

[1649] Yeah, but most people leave those auditions and they did what they wanted to do and then they don't get it.

[1650] So then they start thinking like, well, maybe the thing I think I do well is not it.

[1651] it and I need to refine what I'm doing.

[1652] And I'm like, no, if you know what you're doing or you can find your voice and be you, leave it at that and then you're going to be right or wrong for some stuff.

[1653] You know, I wouldn't re -draft.

[1654] Well, I was just had it in the back of my mind that I wasn't going to be in this job for right long.

[1655] Like, I'm going to do this.

[1656] It's going to be fun.

[1657] And then I'm going to go and be a marine biologist and get married and have kids or live with my parents or whatever it is.

[1658] Like, I wasn't worried about plan B. I had my things that I could do.

[1659] Or meteorologists.

[1660] I had all kinds of things I wanted to.

[1661] I still do, by the way.

[1662] Have you ever guessed meteorologist?

[1663] No, but I used to be obsessed with Unolved Mysteries.

[1664] Robert Stack, remember?

[1665] Oh, unsolved mystery.

[1666] Yes, I was scared of that show.

[1667] I wanted to be that guy so badly.

[1668] I just was like, January Jones reporting live from the Eye of the Tornado.

[1669] Like, I just wanted to be solving those mysteries.

[1670] I have to know it kills me. By the way, if my weather woman was January Jones, I would call bullshit.

[1671] I'd be like, that's not her name, January Jones.

[1672] Like, all of a sudden if you're a...

[1673] What's a good name?

[1674] What's his name?

[1675] Dallas Raines, I mean, come on.

[1676] But again, I immediately go, he made that name up.

[1677] He may really be named Dallas Raines.

[1678] I doubt it.

[1679] But what if he was?

[1680] Or there's another guy like Stormy Daniels or something?

[1681] No, that's the prostitute.

[1682] She should become a meteorologist.

[1683] Yes, that's not for real name.

[1684] That's like the name of her street and her first pet.

[1685] Exactly.

[1686] Oh, boy.

[1687] Oh, boy.

[1688] No, if I renamed myself January Snow, that'd be good.

[1689] Okay.

[1690] Do you like Keith Morrison?

[1691] I know the name.

[1692] What is he?

[1693] He's one of the lead guys on Dateline.

[1694] Oh, yes.

[1695] Silver Hair Fox.

[1696] Yes, I do.

[1697] Dan Rather.

[1698] Uh -huh, sure.

[1699] And Tom Broca is always my favorite.

[1700] Tom Broca's from South Dakota, by the way.

[1701] Oh, he is?

[1702] Yeah.

[1703] He's on the state shirt with me. And are you attracted to them?

[1704] Yeah, just because they seem really smart.

[1705] Uh -huh.

[1706] And they imbued confidence, too, right?

[1707] That's why they're good at it.

[1708] They make everyone feel safe.

[1709] They can deliver you very scary information, but in a very calm way and you feel safe.

[1710] In a very even register.

[1711] Yeah.

[1712] Yeah, it's hot.

[1713] It's her voice, yeah.

[1714] Who's your dream mate currently?

[1715] Like Ricky Jervais or.

[1716] Oh, wow.

[1717] That's a good one.

[1718] He's going to be thrilled to give that.

[1719] Oh, my God.

[1720] No, I accosted him at an award term.

[1721] He was not having it.

[1722] You're kidding.

[1723] He was really nervous.

[1724] I think he was hosting the Globes or something.

[1725] Oh.

[1726] Maybe it's just wrong setting.

[1727] I'm buds with Stephen Merchant and I was like, get me in there right now.

[1728] Yeah.

[1729] He was super nervy, he said.

[1730] Oh, my gosh.

[1731] I'm so thrilled with this.

[1732] Chris Lilly, I love Chris Lilly.

[1733] He's Australian comedian.

[1734] Sure.

[1735] He did Summer Heights High and Lunatics.

[1736] Yes.

[1737] He plays all those characters.

[1738] It sounds like you like people who are.

[1739] thinking.

[1740] I like that.

[1741] Yeah.

[1742] It sounds like you guys kind of probably have some overlap.

[1743] Yeah.

[1744] But I dated comedians.

[1745] It's not wise choice.

[1746] Sure.

[1747] But making me laugh is the biggest thing.

[1748] Yeah.

[1749] And you have to be smart to make someone laugh.

[1750] Yes, exactly.

[1751] And did these comedians fall into the stereotypical?

[1752] They were quite depressed at home, even though they were funny on stage or funny in movies.

[1753] Tortured.

[1754] Some sort of.

[1755] There's some consistency in my experience on that.

[1756] Yes.

[1757] Yeah.

[1758] Yeah.

[1759] Yeah, it can be a thing.

[1760] So what is the title of your new show?

[1761] Spinning out.

[1762] spinning out, and it's out January 1st, day before my birthday, four days before your birthday.

[1763] I'm very excited to see you play bipolar.

[1764] I got immersed into it more than any other character, so much so that when I got home, I had to cut my hair off, clean out my closets.

[1765] I got rid of all my clothes.

[1766] Really?

[1767] I couldn't shut her.

[1768] It was messing with me. What was the way in?

[1769] Like, what did you watch interviews with people who have it?

[1770] Or did what was the...

[1771] I read books and I went on blogs and chat rooms.

[1772] and talk to a lot of people who are suffering from that.

[1773] And what are like the hallmark signs of that?

[1774] I mean, it's just dramatic ebbs and flows, right?

[1775] Highs and lows and fits of grandeur and fits.

[1776] Yeah, the most interesting thing I read was that women are prone to bipolar disorders.

[1777] Just all of us have that in us, just similar to men and like ADD.

[1778] Whether it's hormonal or not, like we have highs and lows.

[1779] But not to minimize that, but I don't know, it was really difficult just to do that.

[1780] Like the manic, I understand why people don't want to take the medication because it evens you out so you're numb.

[1781] Right.

[1782] And to have those amazing, amazing manic episodes where you have so much energy that you don't want to sleep, you're the best at what you do.

[1783] A lot of creative people have it.

[1784] Yeah.

[1785] It's worth that.

[1786] Right.

[1787] It's worth having the month -long suicidal depression for some reason.

[1788] Which is crazy.

[1789] And it's a shame you can't just take it when you feel shitty and then let it go wild when you love it.

[1790] Yeah, because you just don't know when it's, you can.

[1791] Well, the only thing I can say in, of course, totally different setting.

[1792] But when I went and joined the ranch, I was playing a guy with PTSD that had just, you know, gotten out of the military a couple years before.

[1793] And I was like, fuck, I now, like if I play a guy flipping hamburgers and I do it bad, it's not like hamburger flippers in America are going to be like he misrepresented us.

[1794] but I feel some real moral obligation to not make a cartoon version of what these guys are going through.

[1795] And this is just even on a simple comedy.

[1796] And I imagine if I'm the lead of the whole thing and it is a drama, I think I'd feel it even more.

[1797] Just that kind of responsibility of the people suffering to do it justice.

[1798] That's kind of a lot of way, right?

[1799] I think the people that are related to or suffering from it will be happy.

[1800] Oh, good.

[1801] But when we were doing ADR afterwards, there was a lot of sound stuff that we had to fix because of the ice skating rinks and all this stuff.

[1802] And I just flat out refused to do stuff.

[1803] And they hated me for that, but I had to stand my ground.

[1804] I was like, if I can't hear this noise issue that you say there is, then no one else is going to hear it.

[1805] I've had the same battle.

[1806] And I'm like in a manic state with a toothbrush, like bawling crying.

[1807] and I'm not going to be able to rip.

[1808] Yeah, do that in an ADR studio.

[1809] It's so unfair.

[1810] I remember probably the biggest scene I had in parenthood was Joy and I, her finally saying she wanted to resume getting married.

[1811] It was like my whole character thing added up to this moment.

[1812] And it had to be raining out.

[1813] So there's a rain machine above us and those things are fucking noisy.

[1814] And it was like the most emotional best scene that I had done on the show.

[1815] And then I get called in there.

[1816] And they're like, well, we can't hear you over the rain thing.

[1817] And I'm like, I can't get to where I was without joy right here and without the whole, all the environment and everything.

[1818] Well, I just realized my position in the show and just stood by ground.

[1819] Right.

[1820] Yeah, I'm glad.

[1821] It's good, yeah.

[1822] No, but the guy, the sound guy, who's in Canada, by the way, I'm in the room by myself, the director and producers, no one was there.

[1823] He started talking down to me and like, oh, you can't do it again.

[1824] And I was like, I said, you're disrespecting me and you're patronizing me. You're not here.

[1825] So you're, watch me walk out this room or listen to me. Oh, I like this spunky side.

[1826] Yeah, yeah.

[1827] We're getting little glimpses.

[1828] It's come with age.

[1829] It's good.

[1830] Well, January, thank you so much for coming.

[1831] And I look forward to the next time we're at Zimon's house.

[1832] We have to come across the street and see you.

[1833] Do it.

[1834] Yeah.

[1835] We'll have barbecues at my house.

[1836] Is the boy handsome?

[1837] Is he a handsome boy?

[1838] My son?

[1839] Yeah.

[1840] Okay, good, good, good, good.

[1841] Bradley Cooper type.

[1842] Bradley's learning French.

[1843] Hey, you don't know.

[1844] He might be Bradley's.

[1845] He could be.

[1846] Fingers crossed.

[1847] I had sex with myself to make him.

[1848] Oh, good job.

[1849] Thank you.

[1850] What do they call that asexual reproduction?

[1851] Well, January, we're also just, we're really flattered that you like the show.

[1852] Yeah.

[1853] I love it so much.

[1854] I've learned so much by listening to it.

[1855] Oh, that makes it so happy.

[1856] My favorites are the doctors and I was going to do this thing that I, Like super smart scientists and physician.

[1857] Like, I was going to do it today, I forgot.

[1858] When they're really smart and they're telling you something, they assume you don't understand, they say okay a lot.

[1859] So I did this role, okay?

[1860] And she's bipolar.

[1861] Okay, you get.

[1862] And it's just like so horrible.

[1863] But if you'll hear it now, just trying to wait for you to catch up.

[1864] But clearly you're not going to.

[1865] So stop saying okay, because it's okay.

[1866] What an interesting observation.

[1867] That is interesting.

[1868] I really want to look for that now.

[1869] But yeah, you're right.

[1870] If you're going like, well, the way that we know that stars are burning carbon is, you know, when light gets emitted, we can do spectral analysis, okay?

[1871] So you know that.

[1872] Different wavelengths for every color, okay?

[1873] Yeah, you're right.

[1874] They got to check in.

[1875] Like, are you still with me?

[1876] Yeah.

[1877] You're not.

[1878] It's a condescension.

[1879] I wouldn't have to pay attention.

[1880] I've never noticed that.

[1881] How?

[1882] Interesting.

[1883] It might be a new proclivity of ours.

[1884] I was going to do it.

[1885] No one would have got it.

[1886] I'm glad I didn't.

[1887] All right, well, we love you on January 1st.

[1888] Really quick, do you think that, see, I have a chip on my shoulder about people thinking I'm dumb, but the whole dyslexia thing.

[1889] And do you think it's because you were a model at one point?

[1890] Because I think Coutcher has admitted to me, too, that the thing he wants most quickly for people to understand is that he's intelligent.

[1891] And I have to imagine it's because that label.

[1892] Well, I do.

[1893] I feel like not necessarily because I was a model, but because people find me attractive that they assume one thing that I haven't bothered to learn.

[1894] in anything.

[1895] But at the same time, there have been moments in my career where I've used their assumption that I don't have a brain to my advantage.

[1896] Sure.

[1897] I mean, the Ditz card does work sometimes, especially in negotiating things, because then you sweep in or mind control them or whatever it is.

[1898] It works in dating as well.

[1899] Tell us a little more about that.

[1900] Oh, sure.

[1901] I'm curious.

[1902] Mano, you could you could never play dumb.

[1903] Well, I don't have the other thing to be able to fall back on that.

[1904] But you're a bombshell.

[1905] Well, some people just don't, they I prefer that you didn't talk.

[1906] Yeah, that's true.

[1907] So when you're talking about Ampuline and Lorenzini, they're super bummed out.

[1908] Yeah.

[1909] Well, we adore you.

[1910] In January 1st, we're going to be watching your show.

[1911] And I'm excited to see this.

[1912] For all the hungover people.

[1913] Yeah, that'll be great coming back into the new year.

[1914] Watch some bipolar.

[1915] And you'll be able to binge it right out of the gates, which is so delicious.

[1916] All right.

[1917] I love you guys.

[1918] Bye.

[1919] Bye.

[1920] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate, Monica Padman.

[1921] Welcome to the fact check.

[1922] We have a new person in the, well, we're not in the attic today.

[1923] We're in my trailer again.

[1924] Field trip.

[1925] Bless this mess, field trip.

[1926] But there's a new member of the team, Google Home, which is going to alleviate all of our problems when we're trying to get fast answers to questions in the middle of these debates we have.

[1927] So our new friends already here.

[1928] Hey, Google, how tall is Dax Shepard?

[1929] Dax Shepherd is 6 feet 2 inches tall Bingo Wow So smart Depends what day really Because I'm between 6 2 and 3 Depending on how my self -esteem is Oh I see Yeah yeah yeah Good job Google So great I know Hey Google Who is Dax Shepard married to Dax Shepard has been married to Dax Shepard has been married to Kristen Bell since 2013 Oh my goodness This is a great reminder Yeah Well we're lucky It's going to really amp up our fact check.

[1930] Well, it's going to make it a lot more rapid fire in line with our fast math.

[1931] Mm -hmm.

[1932] Uh -huh.

[1933] January Jones, sweet January Jones.

[1934] Loved her.

[1935] We had a really good time with her.

[1936] Yeah, we did.

[1937] And I was really delighted to see that she has taken up the habit of the nicotine spray based on the podcast.

[1938] Yeah.

[1939] Which makes me think we are doing our job to make this place better.

[1940] Yeah, and she's very good friends with our friend, Simone.

[1941] Or Zeman, if you want to do the German pronunciation.

[1942] Yeah, if you want to butcher it, then you can call it Zeman.

[1943] But they're really good friends.

[1944] Neighbors.

[1945] Neighbors?

[1946] Neighbors and friends.

[1947] And buddies?

[1948] Not always the case.

[1949] In my case.

[1950] You know, I've currently got four people border our property.

[1951] Yeah.

[1952] Two of them hate me. One's ambivalent and one I'm good with.

[1953] But you have me as a neighbor now.

[1954] Well, now, yeah, I got a fresh start.

[1955] Yeah.

[1956] But I already remember I shit the bed on the guy that lives to the east of the house.

[1957] He said, I planted on his property and I didn't agree with him.

[1958] Yeah.

[1959] And that one went south.

[1960] But we've since mended that fence.

[1961] That's good.

[1962] Figuratively and literally.

[1963] And then, yeah, you're across the street now.

[1964] So that's a gimme.

[1965] Yep.

[1966] Yeah, we're off to a good start.

[1967] Yeah.

[1968] It's a friendly neighborhood.

[1969] So she was talking about the percentage of men versus women who wear mouth guards because she said all the women in her family do.

[1970] Mm -hmm.

[1971] And anecdotally in my life, I've only known women who are using mouthguards to to abate.

[1972] Can I say that word there?

[1973] To abate the night stress grinding?

[1974] Yeah, sure.

[1975] Okay.

[1976] So it says, most people do not typically grind their teeth when they are awake.

[1977] The awake activity usually consists of teeth clenching or bracing of the jaw to hold the teeth together, which about 20 % of the population, typically women more so than men, will do from time to time.

[1978] Interesting.

[1979] About 60 % of the population will have a rhythmic movement of the jaws while they sleep.

[1980] 60%.

[1981] But that does not always consist of teeth contact, which accounts for about 8 % of the population's tendencies.

[1982] Some studies show that Botox will slightly reduce the intensity or frequency of the bruxism.

[1983] That's a fancy word for it for teeth grinding.

[1984] Yeah, it's so much sexier to say I have bruxism.

[1985] I suffer from bruxism.

[1986] Exactly.

[1987] Well, that's great.

[1988] Fuck that mouth guarding.

[1989] Just get some Botox.

[1990] Well, no, I don't think we can tell people to get Botox.

[1991] I'm telling you right now, throw that mouth guard in the trash can and stop at your, do you know, Charlie, well, I don't know if I should give away Charlie's great idea.

[1992] Charlie had a great idea to open up a Botox clinic that takes the stigmatism away from men getting it.

[1993] Oh.

[1994] And it's called Brotox.

[1995] Isn't that good?

[1996] That's really, really good.

[1997] Do you think if bros just saw Brotops on the thing, they go, oh, I guess everyone's cool with it now.

[1998] And they would go, are men that stupid that all?

[1999] All they need to see is bro in the front of something.

[2000] I hope they're not that stupid.

[2001] Like, let's try ones that would be even harder, like brogenal rejuvenation.

[2002] Oh, boy.

[2003] Oh, wow.

[2004] You get the root of that one?

[2005] I sure do.

[2006] Okay.

[2007] How about, how about broast augmentation?

[2008] Oh.

[2009] How about brosomis maximus?

[2010] What's that mean?

[2011] Oh, I'm sorry.

[2012] I meant pussy peccadermis.

[2013] Oh.

[2014] Yeah, that one doesn't translate as well.

[2015] No, no, no. Speaking about this, so I made you a Christmas present.

[2016] Well, you made me the best, best birthday present ever.

[2017] Thanks.

[2018] The amount of time and thought that went into it.

[2019] And the fact that it has a quote from the show on the front of the calendar.

[2020] Well, the point of the calendar came from this show.

[2021] When I had the hunch that if you had celebrity body, parts, dirty body parts.

[2022] Dirties.

[2023] And then you just had to guess whose celebrity it was to raise money for kids that everyone would be on board.

[2024] Yeah.

[2025] So then you printed that out.

[2026] And then inside is just a section of many men's physiques.

[2027] Yep.

[2028] You can't see their faces.

[2029] No. In one case, you can see teeth.

[2030] Well, you're just seeing pieces of them.

[2031] Slivers.

[2032] Where you can't identify who they are, really, if you don't know them.

[2033] Right.

[2034] And so we went through it together.

[2035] And I'm very proud to say I got 11 out of 12 correct.

[2036] You did.

[2037] You did.

[2038] Really upset.

[2039] I did not get Castillo.

[2040] Yeah, the Godbod original.

[2041] Godbod.

[2042] The original Godbod I didn't get.

[2043] And that's largely because I've never seen that angle of his body.

[2044] Sure.

[2045] I only see it on Instagram and whatnot.

[2046] Sure.

[2047] I've never seen it up the shirt shot.

[2048] That was a new angle.

[2049] But the hardest one that you put on there, which was just brilliant.

[2050] It was so brilliant.

[2051] There was a fucking body.

[2052] scan a section of someone's abdomen bones soft tissue organs it was an x -ray it was an x -ray at first of course i was like what on earth is this and but then i remembered eric topel doctor eric topal our favorite person gives himself scans on his phone that's right i can't believe you got that one that was impressive thank you thank you yeah so i didn't get castillo but i did get topal that felt great yeah Yeah.

[2053] And there was two double ups.

[2054] Rob McElhenney, he taught me now.

[2055] He got two.

[2056] He deserved two.

[2057] And then just other notable mentions was a beautiful thigh shot of Ryan Hanson.

[2058] That's right.

[2059] And then a full, what's the reverse of full Monty when you just show your back side?

[2060] Full bonte.

[2061] Full bonte.

[2062] There was a full bonte of Jess.

[2063] Bons and all.

[2064] Oh, that's right.

[2065] Yeah.

[2066] And there was a ab and arm shot of our P .A. Nick from this bless this mess where we are currently.

[2067] Sweet Nikki, I hate to, because every, first of all, I think all my friends who cooperated with your weird text, I can only imagine how you phrased it.

[2068] And did you copy and paste it once you got the language right?

[2069] I mean, it was so long, and I did have to copy and paste it a lot.

[2070] And, you know, it was a lot of apology.

[2071] I'm so sorry, this is such a random, bizarre question.

[2072] And no way to know if you're really making a calendar or you're just perving out on your own.

[2073] No, I did a little of both.

[2074] Sure, sure.

[2075] And let's be frank, if I was trying to give you the same present, not a chance in hell.

[2076] If I was hitting up your girlfriends going, hey, I just need a side tit or...

[2077] Well, no, no, no, to be fair.

[2078] I didn't ask for any private parts.

[2079] Well, side boob isn't private, is it?

[2080] Of course.

[2081] It's still private.

[2082] Okay, I'm sorry.

[2083] It's still part of somebody's breast.

[2084] I'm very sorry.

[2085] Anyways, I doubt, I don't know, leg, thigh shot.

[2086] How about that?

[2087] Well, how about one of the shots was a nude reverse shot?

[2088] If I was like, hey, just to go full bonte, your friends would have called the authorities.

[2089] That's right.

[2090] And they should.

[2091] And they should.

[2092] And to be fair, that was Jess.

[2093] Yeah.

[2094] That was Jess who was full bonte.

[2095] And for him, I didn't even have to give any of the preface.

[2096] I just said, hey, will you send me some pictures of yourself?

[2097] Send nudes, period.

[2098] I said, I just need parts of your body.

[2099] And then everything he sent was inappropriate.

[2100] Oh, wonderful.

[2101] So I didn't even ask him about buns.

[2102] I did ask one person to send me a picture.

[2103] their butt and I felt really uncomfortable doing it and then you got nervous then I felt so bad because it was best friend Aaron weekly yes and no response no response and then I checked back in no then I checked back in again that's how persistent I was and no response and ghost ghost goes was your last check in an apology like hey I'm sorry obviously you didn't respond no you're my okay I was like Aaron why haven't you responded why don't I have a picture of your ass on my phone you're rude You're rude.

[2104] But then it turns out he had changed his number.

[2105] That's right.

[2106] And Monica didn't have an updated number.

[2107] So most certainly he would have been on there.

[2108] I know.

[2109] I'm so sad about that.

[2110] But yeah, the text was, hey, this is going to sound weird.

[2111] And I'm so sorry.

[2112] But I make this calendar every year.

[2113] So I went to some history.

[2114] Okay, great.

[2115] A little context.

[2116] Normally it's our friend, Perfect 10, Charlie.

[2117] Our attractive friend Charlie.

[2118] And it's just all pictures of him.

[2119] But this year, I decided to mix it up because I, on the podcast, we talked about this calendar.

[2120] So did you get the idea of the moment I said that, or was like later when you were editing or something?

[2121] When you said it, it sparked where I was like, oh, that might be fun if I could make the calendar into that.

[2122] Yeah.

[2123] But I didn't really think that was going to be possible, obviously, because I couldn't get genitalia.

[2124] Right.

[2125] What if it was 12 months of dog?

[2126] Penicest.

[2127] Erecten otherwise.

[2128] So I had that idea, but then I figured that's going to be too hard.

[2129] So I asked Charlie for the normal yearly 12 picks.

[2130] Yeah.

[2131] And he said, this isn't really a calendar year.

[2132] Oh, because he's, yes.

[2133] Because the update on Charlie's 265.

[2134] Yes.

[2135] He's in a very specific shape.

[2136] Yeah, he just did a dirty game.

[2137] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2138] Oh, dirty game.

[2139] Dirty game.

[2140] Yeah, yeah.

[2141] Anyway, so he said that and I said, too bad.

[2142] Like, I need these pictures.

[2143] And so he sent me a bunch.

[2144] It was 45 pounds.

[2145] I was like, it's fine.

[2146] So he sent me a bunch.

[2147] And then when I was making the calendar, I dragged one of the pictures in.

[2148] And just the way it dragged, it only covered a certain amount.

[2149] As with so many great ideas, it starts with an accident.

[2150] Well, sort of.

[2151] Yes, because I was like, oh, interesting.

[2152] Maybe it would be funny if all of these didn't have his face.

[2153] And then I thought, oh, no. I know what I'm going to do.

[2154] How good did it feel when you connected those dots and you clicked?

[2155] 100.

[2156] And I had been drinking wine, so I felt really good.

[2157] Where are you at?

[2158] Christmas.

[2159] Oh, you were at home in Georgia.

[2160] Yeah, this happened.

[2161] So you put this together right quick.

[2162] Yeah.

[2163] Wow.

[2164] This has happened over the last two weeks.

[2165] Another round of applause for all those gentlemen who responded so quick.

[2166] They really did.

[2167] And, you know, I'm just like chasing these people, like asking random people I sort of know for other people I know even less.

[2168] Right.

[2169] I don't know Dave Castillo.

[2170] No, God, Bob.

[2171] I wish I did.

[2172] Oh, fuck, everyone does.

[2173] And he was so nice on these texts.

[2174] He was the nicest.

[2175] He was on his anniversary trip.

[2176] Perfect.

[2177] So he asked me politely if he could wait until he got home.

[2178] Oh, okay.

[2179] That was nice.

[2180] I said, I guess.

[2181] I mean, I'm in a little bit of a time crunch.

[2182] But okay, everyone was really nice and really quick.

[2183] Everyone thought it was hilarious.

[2184] Okay, good.

[2185] And everyone said yes, except Aaron and except one other situation.

[2186] Anyways, what a calendar.

[2187] It's a triumph.

[2188] You should feel very proud.

[2189] yourself.

[2190] And again, thanks every, all the guys out there.

[2191] Thanks, guys.

[2192] I will say that, again, just back to Castillo for one second, he's out of that circle of purviness.

[2193] Like everyone else, you ask, we talk about bodies nonstop.

[2194] They know what the drill is.

[2195] I need to see those, those delts, those pleats, those trapezias, the latissimus.

[2196] Yeah, Rob McLehaney, I actually was going through Caitlin for that.

[2197] And she sent me one and then she said, and he's making me send this one, too.

[2198] And that's what the underwear?

[2199] Yeah.

[2200] Yeah, that's great.

[2201] That's great.

[2202] And what's interesting is I got the first McElhenney really easy.

[2203] Yeah.

[2204] But then the second one, what queued me up is the Irish, the little clover feel.

[2205] He has a tattoo.

[2206] Yes, which I didn't know about.

[2207] Oh, you didn't.

[2208] No, I had no idea he had that tattoo.

[2209] But when I saw that tattoo, I thought who of my friends would have that tattoo?

[2210] Oh, yeah.

[2211] Yeah.

[2212] Oh, this is great.

[2213] A little sleuth thing.

[2214] A little detective work.

[2215] Well, Veronica Marsing, you did.

[2216] It felt great, the whole thing.

[2217] It was really, really fun for me, and, I mean, I just really wanted to make you laugh, and I'm glad I did.

[2218] Oh, is I?

[2219] Oh, yeah.

[2220] This all got started because of Botox.

[2221] Oh, well, also because Charlie had two pictures also in the calendar.

[2222] As he deserves.

[2223] He really deserved it because his calendar sort of was getting melded.

[2224] Mm -hmm.

[2225] Yeah, was he at all sad that the calendar was no longer all him.

[2226] I didn't ask.

[2227] Okay.

[2228] But I gave him two, two slots.

[2229] Yeah.

[2230] I bet it's like bittersweet.

[2231] Sure.

[2232] Yeah.

[2233] Who, no, it doesn't mean we won't go back.

[2234] It doesn't.

[2235] I mean, God knows where this experiment he's doing right now might lead us.

[2236] Exactly.

[2237] Okay, January.

[2238] What was the other show that Ashton was going to do?

[2239] We were calling it Surfing Cowboys when he was deciding between that 70s show.

[2240] Oh, right, right, right.

[2241] This other show.

[2242] It's called Wind on Water.

[2243] Oh, Wind on Water.

[2244] I don't remember that being long running, was it?

[2245] Six episodes.

[2246] Okay.

[2247] She thought maybe it didn't go past a pilot, but it did.

[2248] Okay.

[2249] Six episodes.

[2250] But again, it's so hard to say because maybe he would have had the power to elevate that thing.

[2251] It's true.

[2252] You know?

[2253] The premise is C .L. Connolly is the mother of Cole and Kelly, who are both champions, surfers, and skiers.

[2254] The sons compete in extreme.

[2255] Oh, and skiers.

[2256] Mm -hmm.

[2257] The sons compete in extreme sports to help finance the family struggling cattle ranch.

[2258] Oh, my God.

[2259] Well, then how crazy that Coocher ended up doing the ranch.

[2260] about a struggling cattle ranch.

[2261] Wow, he was always meant to.

[2262] He was.

[2263] No matter how many times he turns that down, it's going to find its way right back into his plate.

[2264] I like that.

[2265] Yeah.

[2266] Surfing Cowboys, yeah, that makes a lot more sense now that I know that there was a perilous cattle ranch hanging in the balance.

[2267] Wind on Water.

[2268] A financial ruin.

[2269] Kind of a soft title for that.

[2270] It's all about X games, but it's called Wind on Water.

[2271] That's not like a Christopher Cross tune, you know.

[2272] I think surfing Cowboys might have been better.

[2273] Absolutely.

[2274] Okay, so this is a sad turn.

[2275] I'm sorry.

[2276] We were talking about depression.

[2277] Okay.

[2278] And the depression rate, you said 40 % of people in America have depression.

[2279] Okay.

[2280] So the National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 6 .7 % of the adult population had a major depressive episode.

[2281] So I'm going to ask our new friend.

[2282] So major depressive issue.

[2283] Yeah.

[2284] I'm going to ask our new friend what that not.

[2285] number is, okay?

[2286] Okay.

[2287] Hey, Google, what is 6 .7 % of 209 million?

[2288] The answer is 14 ,000.

[2289] Okay.

[2290] Hold on, no, we have more than 209 million people in America.

[2291] Of the adult population.

[2292] That's the current adult population.

[2293] Yep, over 18.

[2294] So around 14 -ish million.

[2295] For a major.

[2296] For a major and for only adults, because kids also have.

[2297] They do.

[2298] Yeah.

[2299] And I think if you, were to widen that net out to just include moderate depression, you know, I think it's much higher.

[2300] I know.

[2301] And just people who aren't saying that they are.

[2302] Right.

[2303] Not seeking any kind of treatment.

[2304] It's 100%.

[2305] 100%.

[2306] Yep.

[2307] Oh, okay.

[2308] So remember how she said fuck means fornication under consent of the king.

[2309] Right.

[2310] And she said golf means gentlemen, only ladies forbidden.

[2311] Okay.

[2312] I don't believe that one.

[2313] I didn't look up that one.

[2314] I'm suspicious of the first one, but I certainly don't believe golf.

[2315] I think it was applied afterwards, like Ford.

[2316] Ford stands for Found on Road Dead.

[2317] Oh.

[2318] Or Ford stands for a fix or repair daily.

[2319] Oh my God.

[2320] Ford does not stand for that.

[2321] It was Henry's last name.

[2322] Right.

[2323] But we've now made up these really funny things if you're a Chevy guy or a Chrysler guy, you know?

[2324] Or you're a Ugo guy.

[2325] What's that?

[2326] Do you don't remember?

[2327] Ugo Slob, you decided to come onto the scene hard in the 80s and start manufacturing a very, an inexpensive vehicle called the Ugo.

[2328] Wow.

[2329] And it was, look, I don't want to besmirch the national character.

[2330] They were not very good.

[2331] Uh -oh.

[2332] Yeah.

[2333] And they were about the size of a smart car, but they were called a Ugo.

[2334] Okay.

[2335] They were just ahead of their time.

[2336] Yeah, sure.

[2337] You know, it was a very popular punchline in the 80s.

[2338] Oh, it was.

[2339] It sure was.

[2340] She's the Ugo of this or he's the Ugo of that or that peanut butter is the Ugo of peanut butter.

[2341] You know what I'm saying?

[2342] Okay, I know.

[2343] Yeah, yeah.

[2344] I feel sad for them a little bit.

[2345] Yeah, it is sad.

[2346] Anytime someone tries hard, they give it their all and they fail.

[2347] We don't know that they give it their all, but presumably they did.

[2348] Is Yugoslavia even a, it's not even a country now, is it?

[2349] It's been broken up.

[2350] Let's ask.

[2351] Hey, Google, is Yugoslavia still a country?

[2352] On the website, worldatlas .com, they say, The monarchy was abolished in 1945 and the country was renamed the Federal People's Republic of Yugoslavia in 1946.

[2353] When Yugoslavia was dissolved in the early 1990s, it broke off into the following countries that we recognize today.

[2354] Bosnia and Herzegovina.

[2355] Yeah.

[2356] I love Herzegovina.

[2357] I love the name.

[2358] Me too.

[2359] I've never been there, but I love the name.

[2360] Yeah.

[2361] Okay.

[2362] Fuck.

[2363] So, that's a rumor.

[2364] Yeah.

[2365] I love it, by the way.

[2366] I do too.

[2367] I love it.

[2368] I'm glad she said it.

[2369] Me too.

[2370] I just don't know if I believe it.

[2371] First printed in a Scottish poem in 1503, the ancient and awesomely.

[2372] powerful F -bomb continues to mystify lexicographers.

[2373] Ooh, lexicographers.

[2374] Wow.

[2375] Lexicographers.

[2376] Demystify lexicographers.

[2377] It's really hard to say.

[2378] Rumors persist.

[2379] Leave it to the people who study language to make their title the hardest.

[2380] They're so cheap.

[2381] So unbranded, yeah.

[2382] Rumors persist that legal acronyms spawned the obscenity in question.

[2383] Fornication under consent of the king or the Irish police blotter inscription booked for unlawful carnal knowledge oh for unlawful carnal knowledge oh interesting for unlawful c carnal k knowledge yeah yeah interesting it's all i can do not to go on a diatribe about how stupid the english language is just hearing that the fact that we have c and k in our fucking alphabet is so ridiculous that c is sometimes an s just make it in s when it's that okay when it celebrate spell it fucking s e l i mean well you know Maybe it was originally pronounced Calibrate.

[2384] Then we should either call it Calibrate, which makes me think of Celebrex, which is a medication we're not sponsored by.

[2385] But it starts with a C, Celebrex.

[2386] Okay.

[2387] I do believe that Benjamin Franklin made his own alphabet.

[2388] You do.

[2389] Yes.

[2390] And it had less letters.

[2391] He too was like, this is preposterous.

[2392] This is not the most logical setup.

[2393] Kind of like our metric system versus the standard system is really stupid.

[2394] It is a little silly.

[2395] I mean, I also think it's arrogant of Benjamin Franklin to be like, I don't like all these letters and I'm going to make my own alphabet just for me. No, he was making it for everyone.

[2396] Hoity -domy.

[2397] Hoity -domy.

[2398] He, hear -he.

[2399] I don't like that.

[2400] Oh, I love it.

[2401] Someone who's trying to make these systems we use better and challenging them.

[2402] I applaud it.

[2403] Okay.

[2404] Well, we know how you feel.

[2405] Anyway, so it's a rumor.

[2406] But, you know, it's a rumor that's very old and long -lasting.

[2407] Do you like when things are unknown or do you like when they're known?

[2408] I like leaving a little room for some mysteries still.

[2409] Because almost everything is, you know, we can just ask our pal and we'll find out.

[2410] It's still fun to have some force you to speculate a little bit.

[2411] Yeah, I like that.

[2412] Yeah.

[2413] I mean, as a fact checker, I kind of have to say that I like the known.

[2414] Yeah, yeah.

[2415] But on my off days.

[2416] There's a little whimsy.

[2417] Okay.

[2418] We talked about John Bonae Ramsey.

[2419] There are so many documentaries.

[2420] I really want to watch.

[2421] Did she say she listened to a podcast or watched a documentary?

[2422] On John Bonae Ramsey?

[2423] Yeah.

[2424] Yeah, it's a doc.

[2425] I've seen it.

[2426] Oh, yeah.

[2427] I want to see it.

[2428] It's called Case Close John Bonae Ramsey.

[2429] But there's actually a lot of them.

[2430] But that one was really good.

[2431] It was on CBS.

[2432] Okay, that's a trusted broadcast.

[2433] Very trusted, even though we're technically on.

[2434] ABC ground right now oh that's right hollowed ground hollowed ground well I didn't say it was the best I just said it was trusted yeah sure I think even ABC would concede that CBS is trusted I would hope so oh okay you were trying to convince her that everyone your age was concerned about the nuclear activity oh and I remember the name of that movie that's what I was about to say what do you remember it being the day after yep it's the day after yeah 1983 wow I was so I was eight years old According to my research, it says, 1983, ABC's depressingly sober TV movie the day after.

[2435] It told the story of a handful of people in and around Lawrence, Kansas, who had the misfortune of surviving an all -out nuclear war between the United States and the Soviet Union.

[2436] Now, what's funny is, well, I think a lot of people watch it, but whatever.

[2437] The point is, if that same show had been launched today, it would be humongous.

[2438] It would be Walking Dead.

[2439] Like, we now love that.

[2440] Yeah.

[2441] The day after, we love it.

[2442] That's true.

[2443] Although I wonder if we would love it right now in 2019, 2020.

[2444] I'm so glad you're bringing this up because this is something that I thought of just a couple days ago.

[2445] So there's a popular chicken restaurant now called Crack Shack.

[2446] Do you know about it?

[2447] No. Tell me. There's one, I guess, in Glendale.

[2448] San Diego is the original.

[2449] It's Richard Blaze from Top Chef.

[2450] Oh, I love Richard Blaze.

[2451] I just love that we have an in -house food expert.

[2452] We rarely get to see Wobby -Wob skill set like that.

[2453] but boy does wabiwob know every single chef.

[2454] And so, yeah, it's called Crack Shack, and it's a great name.

[2455] Crack Shack.

[2456] Is it new?

[2457] The one in San Diego's years ago, they've got one in Costa Mesa.

[2458] Is this, do we eat it?

[2459] We ate it.

[2460] We brought it to the attic.

[2461] Yes, yes, yes.

[2462] And that's also why it came up because Kristen's dad ate at the one in Vegas that they've now opened.

[2463] At any rate, great title, right?

[2464] Crack Shack.

[2465] But I lived through the crack epidemic.

[2466] Would not have been a good title in like the late 80s.

[2467] And I was thinking, what if you opened up a restaurant and called?

[2468] called opioid shack.

[2469] Not going to go over well.

[2470] And it just really illustrates how emotional we are about things.

[2471] Because like right now, opioid shack sounds terrible.

[2472] It sounds really bad.

[2473] It's depressing even to hear the name opioid shack, right?

[2474] It's also just a really bad title.

[2475] It doesn't rhyme.

[2476] There's no alliteration.

[2477] Mark my fucking words.

[2478] There's going to be, in 2030, there'll be some chicken restaurant called OxyChicken.

[2479] But not opioid shack.

[2480] Maybe I can't even say it.

[2481] UiC.

[2482] See, this is a horrible town.

[2483] No one can even say it.

[2484] Heroin Shack.

[2485] I think crack is related to chicken, though.

[2486] How?

[2487] Well, it's a play on many things.

[2488] Crack chicken is a thing.

[2489] Okay.

[2490] But it's a play.

[2491] We all know what Crack Shack's playing on.

[2492] It's a play, yeah.

[2493] But it's saying that the food is so good, it's like crack.

[2494] And now you can say that.

[2495] You can make that joke on every single soft sitcom.

[2496] You can make that joke now.

[2497] You can't say opioid now.

[2498] It's not funny because we're all so emotionally involved in the devastation.

[2499] but it just goes to show these waves.

[2500] It's true.

[2501] It's true.

[2502] I mean, I'm going to stand by, we'll place a bet now.

[2503] What did you say?

[2504] And how many years do you think?

[2505] I said 2032.

[2506] Okay, in 2032 we'll come back and we'll see.

[2507] So arbitrary that guess.

[2508] I didn't even think that out, but I'll stand by it.

[2509] How much money do you want to bet on it?

[2510] Well, I think $1 ,000 today in 232 will be worth about $1 .6 million.

[2511] Oh, boy.

[2512] Let's bet $1 .6 million.

[2513] Okay, $1 .6 million on that there, I think, This will not be, no, opioid shack.

[2514] Well, the only way I'm shaking on this is if we include, like, oxy shack.

[2515] Okay, the name still has to be.

[2516] Oxycontin shack, percocet shack, you know, some opi, some popular opioid.

[2517] Okay, I'll, that's fine.

[2518] Vicodin, like D -E -N, like, A -Den?

[2519] I'm not, I can't.

[2520] Yes, in fact, Vicodan is a great name even now.

[2521] But that's why I can't, that can be part of the bet.

[2522] The point is that that's a horrible, horrible, horrible.

[2523] name opioid shack percocet shack those aren't names they don't have alliteration they don't have rhymes but vica how about this how about opioid oasis that's better can we just settle on the opioid part because i can't i'm not going to commit to shack or whatever my that's not my point my point is just opioid does not make you want to go eat a piece of chicken and crack does okay okay to be earmarked rob right it in the list right it on the list yeah earmarked that until Oh, my God.

[2524] I hope we're still doing this in 2032.

[2525] We're going to.

[2526] I love that.

[2527] That's not just saying anyone will be listening, but we will do this in 2030.

[2528] Okay, great.

[2529] Okay.

[2530] Robbie Wobble own like CBS by then, but you and I will still do this.

[2531] CBS, very trusted brand.

[2532] Very trusted.

[2533] Not as trusted as ABC, though.

[2534] CVS.

[2535] Oh, my God, you're going to own CBS.

[2536] CBS, another very trusted brand.

[2537] Hey, Google, what does CVS stand for?

[2538] Consumer Value Stores.

[2539] Oh!

[2540] Okay.

[2541] So she said that Mad Men went nine years or something, and it was seven seasons.

[2542] Okay, but maybe it was stretched across nine years?

[2543] 2007 to 2015.

[2544] Okay, that's eight years, depending, I suppose.

[2545] Ish.

[2546] Is Dallas Raines really named Dallas Raines?

[2547] What a great question.

[2548] I bet every Angelino is going to be so relieved to hear the answer to this.

[2549] The answer is he was born in 1954 as Kevin Feinstein.

[2550] Oh, wow.

[2551] Is that a departure from Dallas Raines?

[2552] I guess it could be Kevin Feinstein.

[2553] I'm not sure.

[2554] Feinstein or Feinstein.

[2555] Correct.

[2556] Now, I mean, wow, right?

[2557] A real departure.

[2558] And again, he made a good marketing move.

[2559] We fucking love Dallas Raines.

[2560] There's absolutely no debate about that.

[2561] Yeah.

[2562] We love him.

[2563] His hair is spectacular.

[2564] He's an entertainer.

[2565] He's great.

[2566] So we're not taking a shot at D. Raines.

[2567] No, no, no. But a real departure.

[2568] Kevin Feinstein.

[2569] I like that he did that.

[2570] He just made a funny, smart marketing move.

[2571] It fucking worked.

[2572] The guy's been telling us about the weather in L .A., which, by the way, there's nothing to tell you about the weather in L .A. It's fucking sunny out, and it's between 70 and 90.

[2573] There's nothing to report, and yet he has made a meal out of it.

[2574] Good for him.

[2575] I know.

[2576] Do you think he was born knowing that he wanted to be a weather man?

[2577] A meteorologist?

[2578] Yeah, because maybe he changed his name at age 10.

[2579] I don't know.

[2580] Like, he could have self -fulfilled his prophecy.

[2581] Where did you say he was from?

[2582] didn't say oh okay i'll ask hey google where was dallas rains born dallas rains was born in georgia oh geez didn't you hit your head my god i hit my head because i was so excited oh my god we got to talk to him because it's not i assumed of course he was from texas he's like this cool it'll be i'll throw a bone to my origin and then rain i love right i'm going to move to somewhere without rain And become Daly.

[2583] Oh my God, it's all blowing my mind.

[2584] He must have known he was going to do the weather in L .A. where there's no rain.

[2585] And he goes, people want rain.

[2586] They want Dallas rains.

[2587] Those famous rains that come through Dallas.

[2588] They sweep through Dallas.

[2589] This says his dad is Riley rains.

[2590] What?

[2591] His name's Kevin Feinstein.

[2592] Oh, boy.

[2593] Maybe he has his mom's last name.

[2594] He has a whole history.

[2595] Maybe the dad was like, I got to back you up on this new thing.

[2596] I'm going to change my name too to reigns so that no one calls bullshit.

[2597] He might have been protective of his son.

[2598] Maybe.

[2599] Like if I had changed my name to Dax Brando, my father would have maybe followed suit to substantiate this.

[2600] Maybe.

[2601] That would be nice of him.

[2602] Yeah.

[2603] You know, that was always my plan was people may or may not know this, but you can't enter the Screen Actress Guild with the same name as another working actor.

[2604] Correct.

[2605] That's why you see so many of these actors with middle names.

[2606] They don't go by their middle name, but they were forced to.

[2607] Yeah, like Julia Roberts's real name was Julie.

[2608] Oh, okay.

[2609] But there was another one in the union.

[2610] I said, well, Marlon Brando's dead and he's not using that name anymore.

[2611] What if I officially changed my name to Marlon Brando?

[2612] But I was just on a sitcom on ABC.

[2613] Wouldn't that be spectacular?

[2614] Oh, God.

[2615] Or Ernest Borgnine?

[2616] Oh, wow.

[2617] I started going by Ernest Borgnine.

[2618] You could go by Herzegovina.

[2619] Bosnia, Herzegovina.

[2620] Yeah, you could go by that.

[2621] That'd be fun.

[2622] I have some connective tissue with Ernest Borgnine.

[2623] Oh, you do.

[2624] Because he was in the movie version of the book, The Adventures, from which my name comes.

[2625] Oh, wow.

[2626] Yes, he was great.

[2627] He played Big Cat.

[2628] So he's your dad.

[2629] He's my dad.

[2630] Wow.

[2631] Yeah.

[2632] Wow.

[2633] It's all twisted.

[2634] Your life is so...

[2635] My dad's simulation is just...

[2636] The poetry of your dad's thing.

[2637] I mean, it's just...

[2638] When you look into it, there's just all these intersecting layers and interwoven themes.

[2639] It's so great.

[2640] You're so lucky to be in my dad's simulation.

[2641] I am.

[2642] I couldn't have picked a better one.

[2643] Yeah.

[2644] Well, that's all.

[2645] But January, we love you.

[2646] Love.

[2647] enjoy talking to you.

[2648] It was really fun, and I'm so glad she came.

[2649] Oh, and she's obsessed with The Bachelor, and there's a new Bachelor on, so I bet she's watching it.

[2650] And maybe I could watch it with her.

[2651] That's, it's a commute.

[2652] It's a hike.

[2653] She lives on the other side of the world.

[2654] She could come to me. Okay, great, in that event.

[2655] Yeah, and she's got a kid, but yeah, that's fine.

[2656] He can play in the hall.

[2657] All right.

[2658] Well, on behalf of all of us, have a great rest of your day.

[2659] We love you.

[2660] We love you.

[2661] I love you.

[2662] I love you.

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[2664] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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