Armchair Anonymous: Halloween

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] I'm Buck Rogers and I'm joined by Lily Zappa.

[5] Halloween.

[6] Halloween.

[7] We love festive episodes.

[8] We love Halloween.

[9] Yes.

[10] I went to the hay ride last.

[11] night the haunted hay ride yes with fred yeah fred and rickie fun yes it was it was really fun they've changed it oh you don't go by the old animal enclosures anymore which i found to be particularly and uniquely freaky okay to see abandon because it used to go through the la zoo that wasn't a part of it anymore oh you heard you didn't pay for that package no they had new exciting stuff and uh it was fun because Fred and I talked nonsense the entire time.

[12] Yes, and did they listen?

[13] Did it get back around to the creators?

[14] No, but we made a point to remind everyone that that was Fred's idea and that mine was a blood bag.

[15] Yes.

[16] This prompt, fittingly, was tell us at times something crazy happened on Halloween.

[17] Oh, these are great.

[18] Yes.

[19] There's maybe one that you shouldn't listen to.

[20] Yeah, but I think you can.

[21] Oh, the burp?

[22] Yeah.

[23] I love the burp.

[24] That's my favorite.

[25] It's not, for sure.

[26] It's not as bad as some of the others you can't listen to.

[27] Here's the thing.

[28] Just don't be consuming any clear Pepsi.

[29] No, anything that has the consistency of what?

[30] A clear soup.

[31] Yeah.

[32] Just maybe just don't eat.

[33] Eat a hamburger or a hoagie or an open face sandwich, meatball sandwich.

[34] The third story, just put your food down.

[35] Yeah, don't be eating anything.

[36] Yeah.

[37] I think that's a wonderful story.

[38] Oh, I loved it.

[39] Please enjoy.

[40] Wait, I want to give a quick update.

[41] Yeah.

[42] Because we're in Armchair Anonymous Land.

[43] Okay.

[44] A major story that we said you couldn't listen to was in waxing, pretty much that whole episode.

[45] Yeah, yeah.

[46] And I'm getting a wax today.

[47] Oh my gosh.

[48] My first one since that episode.

[49] You've just now got your confidence back.

[50] Courage.

[51] That's the right word.

[52] But I'm really anxious.

[53] You feel jinxed by hearing those other stories.

[54] Oh, wow.

[55] Well, good luck to you.

[56] Thank you.

[57] I'll report that.

[58] If you come in in a diaper tomorrow, I guess we'll know how it went.

[59] Oh, God.

[60] Okay.

[61] All right.

[62] Good night.

[63] Happy Halloween.

[64] All times.

[65] Come and go.

[66] Take them slow.

[67] You got to know.

[68] I'm going to keep shining.

[69] Hi, Allison.

[70] Where are you?

[71] I'm based in Madison, Wisconsin.

[72] Oh, my goodness.

[73] I don't think we've ever spoken with anyone from Madison.

[74] I'm happy to be the first.

[75] Is Madison the state capital?

[76] It is, yes.

[77] It's fun to be from a state capital.

[78] I think so.

[79] Oh, we all not wrong.

[80] I'm not from a state capital.

[81] Lansing's our state capital.

[82] Is Atlanta the state capitol?

[83] Yes.

[84] Oh, and then Lincoln, Illinois is that, right?

[85] Springfield.

[86] Springfield.

[87] Okay.

[88] Sorry to dry you and you.

[89] And does your Halloween story take place in Wisconsin?

[90] It's in Wisconsin, just not Madison.

[91] And it was during college, I went to UW O 'Clair.

[92] Okay.

[93] Tell us what happened.

[94] When I was in college, I was part of an organization that did some charity work for various places around town.

[95] And we had the opportunity on Halloween to staff a haunted forest that was kind of deep in the woods of O 'Clair.

[96] So I didn't really know what I was getting into.

[97] But it was a very interesting experience.

[98] I went and there was this big mansion kind of in the woods.

[99] I want to go to a haunted forest.

[100] That sounds really fun.

[101] It's very festive.

[102] If you like being spooked, it's a great place to go.

[103] They brought us in and they kind of gave us our stations, got us set up, and I was supposed to be on the trail somewhere.

[104] They set me up with clothing, like, you know, kind of the burlap and flannel and the mask, dark clothing.

[105] I guess I stupidly assume without any reason to think this, that when I'm at those places, these are people who love getting dressed up like goblins and scary people.

[106] Normally, yes.

[107] That's what I would think.

[108] But then talking to you, Allison, it's not a match with your just oral.

[109] This is for charity.

[110] Well, you know, it's even crazier.

[111] I'm not a horror person, but it was an interesting experience.

[112] I think the proceeds went to charity, which is why I kind of got pulled into it.

[113] But I think typically that it's staffed by those folks who do like that sort of thing.

[114] So anyways, they drag us out and they put us along the trail and everyone's kind of in various spots.

[115] They told me to lay on the ground and kind of cover myself in leaves.

[116] And then as people walk by to kind of jump out and grab at them or yell at them or something like that.

[117] Big reset.

[118] If you got to cover yourself back up with leaves after every time.

[119] I would have gone to sleep.

[120] I already know what I would have done in this situation is I would have done it a couple times and then just laid down because I'm too lazy.

[121] To be fair, after a while, you know, I was not at the beginning of the trail.

[122] So people kind of get used to things jumping out and it loses the effect.

[123] So I wasn't really feeling it, but I was giving it my all.

[124] So at one point in the night, there was probably a couple of hours in, there was a group of college -age guys that come through, and I'm laying there and kind of waiting for the right moment to just jump out and grab at them.

[125] And for some reason, when I jumped out at this group of guys, one guy must have gotten really freaked out, and he just kicked me right in the ribs.

[126] Oh, and knocked the wind out of me. And, you know, I was masked, so I don't think he knew that I was a female or even a person.

[127] A person, yeah.

[128] Animatronic.

[129] Yeah, exactly.

[130] So I just started moving and kind of I'm moaning because I couldn't say anything.

[131] And he realized that I was actually a person and a female also.

[132] So it felt immediately bad, but I couldn't really say anything to him because I couldn't talk.

[133] And so I was just sort of wheezing like, just go, just go, just go.

[134] I got someone else just scaring a minute.

[135] Get out of here.

[136] I got to put the leaves on me. It takes me 12 minutes to reset.

[137] Exactly.

[138] So he kind of carried on his merry way.

[139] I was pretty injured.

[140] I ended up having a bruise on my rib for.

[141] Probably about a month after that.

[142] Oh, no. I never went back.

[143] I will not do a haunted forest again.

[144] Oh, my God.

[145] This is what I figured happens to some of these skericketers.

[146] Scaractors.

[147] You didn't know that term the last time we argued about this.

[148] No, you did.

[149] Yes, I did.

[150] I learned it at the...

[151] With David.

[152] Yeah, with David.

[153] I've never heard you say scarctors before.

[154] We'll have to fact check it because I do know.

[155] Okay.

[156] So Monica and I have varying feelings about this and hypotheses.

[157] Right.

[158] About the skerictors?

[159] Yes.

[160] They're only called that at Universal Horror Nights.

[161] They called their actor's characters.

[162] And I get nervous for them because they do get punched and stuff.

[163] But it's also on them.

[164] Well, it's a two -way street, though, Allison, because I always think there's liability flying around in both directions.

[165] Like, if you own one of these and let's say you got kicked, then you punched the guy back.

[166] If I got kicked in the ribs, I'm afraid to think I would have attacked.

[167] You would have?

[168] Yes.

[169] If some guy just kicked me in the room, I would be like, they talked about it.

[170] No. In fact, and I don't want to reframe this for you because you seem to have a great attitude about it.

[171] It's too late in the experience for someone to have had that reaction.

[172] It's a bunch of dickhead college boys.

[173] And one of them's like, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to kick the next one that comes out because you feel justified.

[174] And you know, you can say as an excuse I was scared.

[175] I don't think these college guys want to say they're scared.

[176] I think he was scared.

[177] No, no, you can say you're scared.

[178] Like next time one of these guys pops up, I'm going to fucking kick him.

[179] this is things boys would do I'm gonna kick him and then when he raises shit I'm gonna go I got scared this was like guaranteed because if it didn't happen at the beginning yeah I buy that he was scared but you said you were deep in there right I was deep in there I just went through all these haunted houses it's still scary at the end I still don't even think anyone's reaction to being scared is to kick to begin with I think it was premeditated where do you land on the ground I go back and forth because I couldn't talk to the guy he seemed sufficiently sorry for it but I kind of think he was probably just a drunk frat guy who was being an ass.

[180] And I think he was sorry once he realized it was a woman.

[181] Oh.

[182] Yeah.

[183] I think in his mind he was going to kick a random guy and he could have lived with that just fine.

[184] Oh, my God.

[185] Or a machine and not feel bad about it, but still, you know, vandalism.

[186] Yes.

[187] Well, young boys like to vandalize.

[188] That's part of the problem.

[189] So you're on the fence.

[190] You're somewhere between Monica and I?

[191] I am.

[192] I think if push came to shove, I'd probably lean to the vandalism side of things.

[193] But I'm trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

[194] Yeah.

[195] Again, it's just very late in the experience.

[196] Now, when you reported this to the management of the attraction, what was their reaction?

[197] Tough titties?

[198] I didn't.

[199] I just kind of kept it to myself and I kept on going for the rest of the night.

[200] Oh my God, you kept scaring?

[201] It was for charity.

[202] Oh, my God.

[203] There weren't like damages to seek out.

[204] So I just kind of sucked it up.

[205] And it's a very Midwestern approach probably to just suck it up and go on with the night.

[206] Did it alter how aggressively you were leaping at people and grabbing them?

[207] I'm imagine it would have toned down.

[208] Yeah, I think my effort level will decrease significantly for the rest of the night.

[209] And then I never went back after that.

[210] Yeah, after that, I'm like, ah.

[211] Like when they walk back, like, ah, hi, I'm coming peace.

[212] Yeah, the moaning was real, I think.

[213] Oh, Alison, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[214] Has it ever crossed your mind to go into one of these haunted forests and just get even and kick some random just to pay it forward?

[215] Knowing how much it hurts, no, no. That is not in my nature.

[216] Well, and I tend to avoid them at all costs because, like I said, I don't like being scared.

[217] So it was not the place for me. Well, you live and you learn.

[218] Well, I'm glad you made it out of that forest.

[219] This is as bad as it can go if you volunteer to help.

[220] For charity.

[221] I know.

[222] We're not even sure what the charity was, but it was for charity.

[223] I know.

[224] I can't even remember, but the silver lining is that I get to share the story now.

[225] Well, it's so lovely to meet you.

[226] Thank you for sharing that story.

[227] And I'm so sorry to hear you were kicked by a strange frat guy.

[228] It's a real bummer.

[229] Thank you for having me. Our pleasure.

[230] Have a great day.

[231] You too.

[232] I keep thinking these are all going to be me cute.

[233] Isn't that she going to end up with the guy that kicked her?

[234] Oh, I wish.

[235] Every single one.

[236] That would have them so cute.

[237] That should be another prompt.

[238] Fell in low with an attacker.

[239] Abuser.

[240] Tell us about time you had Stockholm syndrome.

[241] Hi.

[242] Hi.

[243] How do I pronounce your name?

[244] Ines.

[245] Where are you at other than a sloped attic space like we are?

[246] I'm in Sweden.

[247] What?

[248] Are you Swedish?

[249] No, actually, I'm from Spain.

[250] Oh, my.

[251] I'm living in Sweden now.

[252] We love international.

[253] Yes.

[254] Global listenership.

[255] For sure, global listener here.

[256] And what are you doing in Sweden?

[257] And is it getting dark at noon there now?

[258] It's getting dark quite early now.

[259] And I'm working here.

[260] I'm a dancer.

[261] You're a dancer.

[262] Oh, my God, wonderful.

[263] Have you heard our show in Spanish yet?

[264] No, but I heard you guys talking about it and I want to try.

[265] You'll have to report back.

[266] Tell us.

[267] Yeah, we want to know.

[268] Yeah, I'm curious.

[269] So interesting, right out of the gates, I would say, I don't even know that people in Spain celebrate Halloween.

[270] I'm just going to own my ignorance.

[271] No, that's completely right.

[272] Now globalization, people are starting to like Americanize it.

[273] But my story takes place in the States.

[274] Oh, great.

[275] You just pop all around.

[276] Yeah, a little bit.

[277] Money rabbit, hopping all around the globe.

[278] Yeah, actually, I was living in Kentucky.

[279] And we had just moved like two months ago.

[280] So we were really new.

[281] It was my first time living in an English -speaking country, so I didn't really speak English.

[282] And Halloween was coming around the corner, which was very exciting because in all the movies, like Halloween is such an American thing.

[283] As you said, Dag, like not really a thing in Spain back then.

[284] I'd never been trick -or -treating.

[285] I'd never carrot of pumpkin.

[286] None of it.

[287] How old were you at this time?

[288] 10.

[289] Oh.

[290] Okay.

[291] So, like, really prime age for the whole thing.

[292] So very exciting, but I didn't really have any friends yet.

[293] I didn't really speak English.

[294] But, you know, my mom, being a mom, she was on a mission, and somehow she had a friend.

[295] I don't know how she had a friend because her English was worse than mine, but she had a friend that she'd made.

[296] And her friend had a daughter, who apparently was my age, the moms decided, okay, they'll go trick -or -treating together.

[297] She'll make a friend, meaning me, the other girl probably had plenty of friends.

[298] It was forced into it.

[299] And so we're like, okay, great, so I get dressed up.

[300] What were you?

[301] I think I was a witch.

[302] Classic.

[303] I didn't know people had like such elaborate fun costumes.

[304] Now I know.

[305] The witch is wonderful.

[306] That's a great.

[307] You can't go wrong with a witch.

[308] That's true.

[309] So we get in the car on Halloween day.

[310] My mom's driving down to this girl.

[311] She lived like a neighborhood away from me, so not too far.

[312] And it was also exciting because we were tense.

[313] So we could kind of go by ourselves.

[314] It was very safe suburban area.

[315] Yeah.

[316] This was going to be the best day ever.

[317] And so we're driving down and we're on the street where the girl lives.

[318] And my mom sees this girl about my age, long blonde hair, dressed up with a little trick -or -treating bag.

[319] I was like, this must be her.

[320] Like, what are the chances?

[321] This must be her.

[322] One kid.

[323] She's never met the girl.

[324] She's only met the mom.

[325] She knows she's my age, that she's blonde, and that her name's Allison.

[326] So she rolls down the window, and she calls out Allison.

[327] And the girl turns around, and she's like, yeah.

[328] And she starts saying something.

[329] And my mom's like, that's it.

[330] This is Allison.

[331] And I think she tried to ask her if she was, but, you know, my mom's English is not good.

[332] I have no idea what was going on.

[333] And we're like, of course.

[334] Like, why are the chances it's the street she lives in?

[335] She fits all the criteria.

[336] Allison's not a normal name for us.

[337] Well, I was just going to say probably 12 % in the school was Allison, but continue.

[338] Exactly.

[339] At that moment, we didn't know.

[340] Yeah.

[341] So she just drops me off.

[342] She's like, off you go.

[343] She's like, well, I'll see you at Allison's house.

[344] later, and I'm like, okay.

[345] Oh, no. She drives off.

[346] Wow.

[347] And there we are.

[348] The girl, Allison, starts talking to me. I have no idea what she's saying, because I don't speak English, really.

[349] This is such a disaster.

[350] But I'm like, okay, well, I'll figure it out.

[351] They'll be fun.

[352] We're kids, you know.

[353] Yeah.

[354] And you think it's the right, Allison at this point.

[355] Oh, of course.

[356] There's like no doubt in my mind because we don't have so many long, blonde people named Allison in Spain, you know.

[357] So Allison takes me. by her hand and we walk a few houses down and then we go into this house.

[358] It's madness.

[359] When I say a tornado of people inside there, it's a tornado of adults, kids, everybody dressed up.

[360] It was a massive Halloween party.

[361] I've come to.

[362] But I didn't know what was happening.

[363] And she just goes in the house, says something to me. No idea what she says.

[364] I'm now guessing she probably said something like, oh, this is the party.

[365] Whatever.

[366] We'll hold you here.

[367] I don't know.

[368] She runs up the stairs, and I'm just standing there by this time, realized this is not what was meant to happen.

[369] Where am I?

[370] Am I being kidnapped?

[371] Is my mom ever going to find me?

[372] Should I leave?

[373] Should I stay?

[374] Do I contact an adult?

[375] Everyone's really dressed up, so who do I know who should I trust?

[376] You got to find a Spanish speaker.

[377] Yes, in Kentucky.

[378] Exactly.

[379] It's not like I'm in, you know, New York City.

[380] So I'm just standing there in complete shock.

[381] I don't know how much time passed.

[382] evaluating every single person.

[383] Oh, this is so scary.

[384] It was really scary.

[385] I remember a man dressed like a pumpkin.

[386] I almost went up to him.

[387] But then it was just madness.

[388] So much noise.

[389] And all of a sudden, I hear the door open.

[390] This crazy woman runs in, grabs me, pulls me out, puts me in the car.

[391] And I'm like, what just happened?

[392] It was my mom.

[393] Oh, cute.

[394] How did she figure it out?

[395] Well, I got it.

[396] I got it.

[397] Oh, you want to guess?

[398] So eventually, Alice.

[399] And Allison's mother called her mom to say, like, where are you guys?

[400] Allison's fixing to go trick or treat and you're nowhere to be fine.

[401] But she's like, I don't know what you mean.

[402] I already dropped her off with that.

[403] And then she went, oh, fuck, that was the wrong Allison.

[404] But how'd you find that house?

[405] She's probably racing around the neighborhood.

[406] Oh, let's find out.

[407] Quite close.

[408] My mom drove to Allison's house, the real.

[409] I mean, this Allison was real, but our original house.

[410] Well, we don't know.

[411] She could have been going as Allison.

[412] That was her character.

[413] Alice in Wonderland that night.

[414] Exactly.

[415] And so she was like, I'm just being her.

[416] very method.

[417] Who knows?

[418] Now it just adds a whole dimension to the story.

[419] So your mom does carry on to Allison's house.

[420] So she drove there.

[421] She walks in the door and sees Allison completely dressed up with her mom.

[422] She said she opened the door.

[423] She saw the girl.

[424] She closed the door and ran out.

[425] And they're like, these Spanish people are so insane.

[426] True.

[427] She drove back to the place in the street where she dropped me off.

[428] And then she went kind of house by house trying to find me walking up and down the street.

[429] And then she realized there was a party in that house.

[430] So she actually thought maybe there will be someone here that's seen the girl so that will help me find them.

[431] But she opened the door.

[432] She saw me and was like crazy.

[433] Oh, my God.

[434] In the end, I did go trick -or -treating with the original Allison.

[435] Our moms came with us just to make sure nothing else happened.

[436] Yeah, after that start, for sure, that's necessary.

[437] And it was a great experience.

[438] ate more candy than I had ever dreamed of.

[439] Well, you just, I mean, not to pat ourselves on the back here, but I would imagine if I were 10 and I had never experienced Halloween and I went somewhere and I was like, this is America?

[440] Every house is handing out candy bars?

[441] I would think this is the most enchanted place in the world.

[442] Oh, for sure.

[443] I was like, why don't we do this?

[444] Yeah.

[445] How long did you guys stay there in Kentucky?

[446] For years.

[447] And how did you end up assimilating?

[448] How long did take you to learn English?

[449] By the end of that year, I would say I was fluent, I was so young and you're just immersed.

[450] You don't really have a choice.

[451] And as you said, I was in Kentucky.

[452] So my dad, for example, he spoke British English.

[453] He was the only one in the family that really spoke English.

[454] And people in Kentucky had a hard time understanding him.

[455] Oh, I'm sure.

[456] Yeah.

[457] We all have to adapt.

[458] So you stayed there until eighth grade?

[459] Yeah, exactly.

[460] And did you have a boyfriend?

[461] Did boys like you?

[462] Were you an outcast?

[463] Were they charmed by your foreignness?

[464] Or were they scared by it?

[465] I don't know.

[466] I think people were a little bit charmed, but I was always dancing.

[467] So no boyfriend.

[468] Ballet?

[469] Yeah, at the time, mostly ballet.

[470] Now I do other sorts of dance.

[471] Well, you're also very beautiful, so I'm sure lots of boys liked you.

[472] Oh, thank you.

[473] I have to say, Monica, you are so much cuter than into pictures.

[474] Oh, I know.

[475] The pictures are not great.

[476] That came out wrong.

[477] You look wonderful into pictures.

[478] No, no, no. I appreciate it.

[479] I take it as a compliment because I agree and thank you.

[480] Let's go back to Kentucky and eighth grade.

[481] So we're kind of fascinated with ballet dancers.

[482] Because it's kind of masochistic.

[483] It's very brutal.

[484] It's very masochistic.

[485] Right?

[486] What impact do you think it's had on your overall personality do have pursued that?

[487] It's hard to tell what part of me is really my personality and what part of me is my personality because I've done ballet my whole life because I am very much a perfectionist.

[488] I'm very disciplined.

[489] Yes.

[490] But then I'm like, would I have been that way if I haven't done ballet?

[491] So I don't know.

[492] Chicken or the egg.

[493] What kind of dance do you do now?

[494] I do a lot of mostly contemporary dance, but all sorts of dance, and I'm also a circus artist now.

[495] Wow.

[496] You are.

[497] Okay.

[498] So have you seen Cirque de Soleil here ever?

[499] Yeah.

[500] Is it that vibe?

[501] Yeah, exactly.

[502] Oh my gosh.

[503] I don't think I'm more impressed by any humans on planet Earth than the performers of Circus Soleil.

[504] Yeah, agreed.

[505] Me as well.

[506] It's mind -blowing.

[507] We went last year, and I'm just like, I don't know the physics of this.

[508] And so brave.

[509] And so hot, too.

[510] I'll throw it out there.

[511] It's the best of what humans can be.

[512] really physically well it's okay best is well in the eye bolder yes this was great what a story also so scary as a kid in a new country lost yeah i learned out Halloween in America is definitely scary and also that everyone's name can be Allison yes by the way I have many memories and I would go up to a door and you'd see parents in their kind of party and people would be hammered on Halloween you'd see like drunk adults in costume and it was always just a little scary unnerving yeah i'm pretty sure that that house party had a lot of drunk adults i didn't realize it then but i'm pretty sure i remember one time we were trick or treating way too old i was in high school like ninth grade and we knocked at the door me and my buddy and this guy opened he's like fuck i don't know whether to give you some candy or a beer which one do you want oh wow yeah my dad's a neighborhood everyone gave me candy all four years that I was in Kentucky.

[513] Oh, well, so nice to meet you.

[514] Thank you so much for telling us that story.

[515] And if either of the Allison's are listening, reach out.

[516] Yeah, we would love to hear from your perspective.

[517] Especially the second Allison.

[518] I would love to know what she was thinking.

[519] Exactly.

[520] All right.

[521] This was great.

[522] Thank you.

[523] So nice to meet you.

[524] Thank you, guys.

[525] That reminds me of a time I got lost in the Burlington Coat factory.

[526] Oh, my God.

[527] Hold on a second.

[528] In the storefront.

[529] Not at the actual factory where they made the Burlington Coe factory.

[530] Oh, I'm at the store.

[531] Okay.

[532] Yeah, we were coat shopping and I got lost.

[533] How old?

[534] 13?

[535] 19.

[536] No, I was probably like eight or something.

[537] Okay.

[538] It was traumatizing.

[539] Yeah.

[540] And there were so many coats.

[541] Yeah, it's a maze of coats.

[542] Yes.

[543] And I was like, where is she?

[544] I hate it.

[545] Hi, Joseph.

[546] This is a beautiful wall behind your brick.

[547] Are you in New York City?

[548] I'm in Chicago.

[549] Yeah, no, some people think it's fake, but no, it's real.

[550] It's all tangible.

[551] It's gorgeous.

[552] Oh, thank you.

[553] you so much.

[554] Yeah.

[555] Are you an architect or something?

[556] What's happening?

[557] No, no, not at all.

[558] I run a super teeny tiny tech business.

[559] It's super nerdy.

[560] Okay.

[561] Google.

[562] How are you guys?

[563] So good.

[564] We're having a lot of fun and it's getting us really excited for Halloween.

[565] Are you a big fan of Halloween just before we even hear your story with your feelings?

[566] Yeah.

[567] And this is actually part of the story.

[568] I'm a gay man. So Halloween is kind of like the gay Christmas.

[569] Oh, elaborate on that.

[570] People can just dress up and be themselves and it's just fun.

[571] Have you ever been to Halloween in West Hollywood?

[572] No. Oh, it's the event of the whole year in L .A. It's really fun.

[573] Yes, it's outrageously fun.

[574] Yeah, but I feel like when you get some of those like really gay Halloween events, you know, you get people and they just wear like a cowboy hat and they're like, I'm a sexy cowboy and then that's it.

[575] So you have to be like super ripped for that.

[576] So like this isn't going to really work out.

[577] Look, I'm not going to tell you there's not a ton of sexy cowboys, which I love, of course.

[578] Yeah, sure.

[579] But there's room forever.

[580] Everyone.

[581] We got all kinds of costumes happening.

[582] Yes.

[583] People have a broom to like, I'm a sexy shirtless witch.

[584] Yes.

[585] I would say it's like a sliver of burning man. People really go all out on the costumes.

[586] People spend like a year planning.

[587] Okay.

[588] Tell us about your crazy Halloween story.

[589] Yeah.

[590] I have to kind of apologize because, you know, you've had some pretty gross stories lately, you know, with the service industry one.

[591] Oh, yeah.

[592] No. To be fair, we said, do not listen.

[593] We did.

[594] We were very upset about that.

[595] No, I loved it.

[596] I think it's great.

[597] But what you're pointing out is, yes, the show is circling the drain.

[598] We keep getting grosser.

[599] But weirdly, I noticed on this last one, like, we've hit something.

[600] People are.

[601] They like.

[602] They're engaged.

[603] Yeah.

[604] I feel like, you know, if you put the disclaimer saying, don't listen to this.

[605] Like, people are in.

[606] The last one, it was like, this is a flat story.

[607] And I'm just, like, hanging on to it.

[608] I'm like, I can't wait.

[609] And it didn't disappoint.

[610] So I feel like this could be up there with kind of, you know, the leaky leg and the psoriasis.

[611] Oh, thank God.

[612] The dander.

[613] I'm ready.

[614] The others have been tame.

[615] So I'm sorry if this warrants a disclaimer at the beginning of your podcast.

[616] But yeah, here we go.

[617] This explains why you're using a code name, by the way.

[618] Oh, I didn't know.

[619] 100 %.

[620] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[621] Okay, great.

[622] Yeah, because, you know, I didn't want to embarrass any other people involved, you know.

[623] So I think it's important to kind of think of this as like a very, very closeted gay man over 20 years ago in conservative Ohio.

[624] So I was at a state school in Ohio, and there was this one girl.

[625] in my economics class that I would see super, super pretty.

[626] Let's call her Becky, very shy, but beautiful and always had such good comments in class.

[627] And then we were out for Halloween night, and I ran into her.

[628] She was dressed as Wonder Woman.

[629] Ooh, this is a side of her we weren't expecting, right?

[630] If she's shy.

[631] Totally, yeah.

[632] Exciting.

[633] It's at a college bar.

[634] It's like cheap beer and super sugary cocktails.

[635] So we continue hanging out.

[636] And she's like, do you want to go back to my dorm?

[637] So I'm like, okay.

[638] Can I pause you there for half a second?

[639] So you already said you're not out at that point.

[640] No, I was extreme, like paranoid closeted.

[641] You know, your listeners can't see this, but I talk with my hands.

[642] I mean, it was so close to the point I wouldn't even do this because it would be a tell.

[643] Okay, so did you not know to not get yourself in situations where you were back at a gal's dorm room?

[644] Or were you nervous about that at all?

[645] Like, she's going to expect something.

[646] Yes and no, for me personally, you kind of go through things because that's the things that all your friends are doing.

[647] Yes.

[648] The quote, normal thing to do.

[649] Yeah.

[650] And at that point, I'm like, maybe the whole gay thing is just a physical thing.

[651] I mean, I didn't even hold a guy's hand until after college.

[652] So it was also new and confusing.

[653] And again, like being part of that area of the country.

[654] So, yeah, you kind of do the things that you're just kind of expected to do.

[655] It would be just as dangerous to not accept that offer in your mind.

[656] Yeah, you're probably like, I should.

[657] Yeah, exactly.

[658] And I think there's also so much paranoia, too, that I didn't go home with this girl.

[659] So now everyone's going to know I'm gay.

[660] It's so, I imagine, exhausting.

[661] It is so exhausting, but, you know, I feel like things have obviously changed so much.

[662] So we get back to her place, and she becomes fairly, fairly aggressive.

[663] So she, like, rips off the Wonder Woman outfit.

[664] This is wasted on you.

[665] I can't imagine being in a situation.

[666] Sign me up.

[667] Wonder Woman disroving?

[668] And I was nervous, too, but, you know, I had a method during college.

[669] And that was when, like, Colin Farrell was the hottest.

[670] on the planet.

[671] Yeah, still is.

[672] Right, exactly.

[673] So it was always, close your eyes, pretend she's Colin Farrell.

[674] Oh, good hack.

[675] Yeah, it was a perfect hack.

[676] We've all been there.

[677] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[678] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[679] But, for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms, can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[680] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[681] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[682] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[683] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[684] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[685] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon music.

[686] What's up, guys?

[687] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[688] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[689] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[690] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[691] And I don't mean just friends.

[692] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[693] The list goes on.

[694] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[695] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[696] So she gets on the bed, lays horizontal, which I guess that's what people do.

[697] And I'm still kind of standing up awkward.

[698] She gets naked.

[699] And then she's like, come here.

[700] And the very first thing that she does, and this gets progressively worse.

[701] So the first thing that she does is she, like, puts my head between her breasts and, like, takes the right hand and puts it on the right breast, the left hand on the left breast, and does this, like, aggressive motorboat like aggressive oscillation where it's just super smashing your face intense smashing like my big old gay nog in between her it makes me really quick now to interrupt you but it doesn't remind me of our friend jess he was at a i think a bachelor party he's very openly gay and the stripper rubbed her boobs on his face and he's like honestly it felt like someone's ears on my face he compares it to someone rubbing their ears on his face he also Always says, I would eat around it.

[702] Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[703] Yeah, it's like boobs and like boobs and stereo surround, right?

[704] That's like the best way to kind of think of it.

[705] Everywhere that was going on, like, you know, go be surrounded in gariola form.

[706] So that was weird.

[707] And it was also very uncensual.

[708] Isn't she shy?

[709] Remember who we're talking about here?

[710] That's why it's so hot.

[711] To me is that she's so shy in class and she has this tiger center.

[712] Becky the Wonder Woman.

[713] Alter ego.

[714] Halloween brings it out in people.

[715] So she goes to the bathroom for two minutes.

[716] And I'm like, I don't know what's going on.

[717] I didn't hear any flush.

[718] Uh -oh.

[719] So I'm like, you know, maybe she was a little bit gassy.

[720] Sure.

[721] That happens.

[722] I'm confused and I'm nervous.

[723] I'm so sorry.

[724] What costume are you wearing?

[725] I think that's really important.

[726] I wasn't wearing anything.

[727] That's the lamest thing.

[728] Oh, wow.

[729] I was dressed as a straight man. Okay.

[730] You were always in costume as a straight dude.

[731] Well, I bet he was afraid, like, if he dressed up, Whatever you pick, people would be like, oh, you're gay.

[732] You picked the gay costume.

[733] You picked Iron Man. Can you imagine if I was dressed as like someone from like the village people or something?

[734] Right, right.

[735] The construction worker in the vest.

[736] Okay, so she's in there.

[737] Yeah, so she came out of the bathroom, lays back down on her bed, and she pushes my head down there.

[738] Okay.

[739] She's sexually assaulting you at this point.

[740] You have no consent.

[741] It was a lack of not.

[742] Yeah.

[743] And then all of a sudden, and I can't think of a better way, then I'm, like her vagina burked.

[744] Oh, okay, sure.

[745] Like a queve.

[746] It's a queve.

[747] No. Oh.

[748] Not so fast.

[749] All of this gel comes out of her vagina.

[750] Oh, she was lubing up?

[751] I don't know if it was lube or spermicide.

[752] Oh.

[753] I felt like the spermicide thing was something more in like the 70s.

[754] I don't know.

[755] It's a mystery to this day.

[756] Yeah.

[757] But it had a very hospital minty, like they could clean the floors with it.

[758] Sure.

[759] And it went everywhere.

[760] It went in my eyes and my, like, because I think, I'm assuming, you know, both of us were very inexperienced.

[761] So it just shot out at me. Oh, my God.

[762] I'm so embarrassed for her.

[763] So embarrassed for her.

[764] Oh.

[765] And then my immediate reaction, and I think it was a mix of the sugary drinks.

[766] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Of course, of course.

[767] The spermicide slash lube.

[768] The vagina.

[769] Right, exactly.

[770] It burped Purell on you, basically.

[771] It burped Purell on me. That's a really great way to say it.

[772] Okay.

[773] The second that that happened, without thinking, I threw up.

[774] Yes.

[775] Oh, my God.

[776] On her vagina.

[777] Monica, not on her vagina inside her vagina.

[778] No. No, no. Not on her vagina inside.

[779] No. Oh, oh, my, this is, oh, awful.

[780] This is such a disaster.

[781] It was also quick, and, like, it was everywhere.

[782] There were definitely, like, chunks between the menor and the majora.

[783] Ah!

[784] Oh, my God.

[785] I feel so embarrassed for everyone.

[786] A lot of victims in the room.

[787] Yeah, so in the moment, it was just, like, automatic cleanup, like, hey, are you okay?

[788] Yeah, who feels worse?

[789] She knows that she shot that on you, right?

[790] Oh, absolutely.

[791] But I still don't know what it is.

[792] Right.

[793] We'll never find out, unfortunately.

[794] So you're both profusely apologizing to each other?

[795] Yeah, yeah.

[796] Because, like, I felt terrible.

[797] I think she was just apologetic of the situation.

[798] So there was kind of the immediate cleanup I went home.

[799] But then, like, after that, I was paranoid for such a long time.

[800] Are people going to find out the guy that's afraid to use exaggerated hand movements is a guy that saw a vagina and threw up into it?

[801] I mean, that is like a cliche.

[802] Cliche, yeah.

[803] Tushie.

[804] So that's it.

[805] What was the vibe back in class with her?

[806] Did you guys like ever hang again?

[807] Did you talk about it?

[808] We never talked about it.

[809] We were in the same class for the rest of the semester.

[810] We would see each other out and about and we're friendly.

[811] But at the end of the day, I think it was two super awkward people that weren't used to doing that.

[812] Because I think she was probably trying to do the things that she thought was sexy.

[813] And like, here I am again, pretending this was Colin Farrell.

[814] Yes.

[815] So it was just too awkward.

[816] Yeah, I got a hunch she went into the bathroom.

[817] The reason she was gone so long, obviously didn't take her two minutes to put that spermicide in herself.

[818] She was looking at a tube and she's like, how much am I supposed to use of this?

[819] She was probably reading the back of it and she probably put way too much in.

[820] That was the thing, yeah.

[821] In the putting of all that in there, some air got trapped in there.

[822] And it was just a packed cannon at that point.

[823] It was like a musket.

[824] Oh, my God.

[825] It was like the pop -it things in like confetti would go everywhere.

[826] Yeah, New Year's Eve.

[827] Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[828] I mean, you said burped, but really it also threw up.

[829] The vagina threw up, and then you threw up back.

[830] And you thought throw up would throw up.

[831] The result of that, you just have, like, the most disgusting, heinous mixture of liquids.

[832] But again, like, it was on slash in her, so she got the worst end of that.

[833] How long before you left the scene?

[834] Yeah.

[835] I don't clearly remember.

[836] I remember being very quick.

[837] It left in a very nice and kind way, but it was just one of those saying, where I think both of us maybe had like someone spoken true so we'll never talk about this moment ever again.

[838] Right.

[839] I hope she found out eventually that you are gay because if that happened to me, I would feel like I can never show my vagina to anyone else ever.

[840] But wait, hold on.

[841] You don't think she would naturally attribute it to the burp and the Purell everywhere.

[842] You should do that.

[843] That's what happened.

[844] But you won't.

[845] You're going to hate this.

[846] I just want to warn you, you're going to hate this.

[847] If I had been in that exact same situation, it wouldn't have slowed me down a bit.

[848] I mean, I'm telling you the truth.

[849] It would have taken so much more than that.

[850] More than that had come my way in my youth, and that would not slow me down.

[851] You're with Colin Farrell.

[852] He comes out of the bathroom, and he butt burps some Purell.

[853] You're fine, right?

[854] Yeah, let's do it.

[855] Let's go.

[856] Yeah, let's just sweep this under the rug.

[857] But it got in your mouth.

[858] There's a chance it just didn't sit well.

[859] He was already in a rough situation.

[860] Yeah.

[861] So I think that's actually a big part of it, though, because I think, yeah, if things were different, I'd been like, okay, not a big deal.

[862] But in this instance, this is just too much.

[863] And then everything I couldn't.

[864] And the thing is, I'm not a throw -up type of person.

[865] Like, I've probably 10 times in my life.

[866] If you've only thrown up 10 times in your life, we can conclude that 10 % of the time you throw up it's in a vagina.

[867] I would say 80%.

[868] No, just too.

[869] Monique, I just wanted to get back to your question.

[870] So we are friends on social, so she does know.

[871] Okay.

[872] So if there is any lingering insecurities, then it should be fine.

[873] Oh, good.

[874] Okay.

[875] A lot of healing has happened in the last two decades.

[876] Well, it's so nice to meet you.

[877] Thank you guys so much for having me on.

[878] This has been an absolute pleasure.

[879] Happy Halloween.

[880] Happy Halloween.

[881] No repeat story performances.

[882] All right, take care.

[883] Can you guys hear me?

[884] Oh, beautifully.

[885] You sound fantastic.

[886] I don't even know what to say.

[887] This is fantastic.

[888] I can't believe it.

[889] Listen, it looks like you're on the poster of Garden State, almost, right?

[890] The wallpaper and the chair, it's incredible.

[891] What's happening?

[892] Are you a vampire?

[893] You know what?

[894] I actually am.

[895] I just woke up for this.

[896] The sun's coming down here in Oklahoma.

[897] Actually, my dad has a hearing aid practice, and I'm in his testing room.

[898] Oh.

[899] Thankfully, this fell after business hours, so I was able to actually come in here and use it.

[900] Okay, so is it, like, dead quiet in there normally?

[901] Oh, yeah.

[902] I can hear my heartbeat in my ears.

[903] Oh, okay.

[904] So, Logan, you're in Oklahoma.

[905] Is that where this Halloween story took place?

[906] Yes.

[907] So this actually took place here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, last year.

[908] Oh.

[909] So my wife and I got married last August.

[910] And so last year, after we got married, we wanted to do a couple's costume.

[911] And Monica, we love Harry Potter, too.

[912] It's one of the things that we bonded over.

[913] We read all the books growing up.

[914] I mean, I think we watch the movies at least once a month.

[915] So it's a big deal for us.

[916] We love Harry Potter.

[917] And so we've done the Pottermore tests.

[918] I'm a Gryffindor, and she's a Ravenclaw.

[919] Wow, great pairing.

[920] I know, right?

[921] Sometimes I think she thinks I'm a Slytherin, but, you know, that's kind of up for debate.

[922] Yeah.

[923] We went online.

[924] I found a couple of really good robes, and we wanted to hold on to him for a few years because she really wants to go to Harry Potter World as her graduation gift next year when she's done with school.

[925] So we thought, perfect, we'll get a couple of good ones.

[926] What's important about this, though, is that even though we kind of found some better ones, the only ones we could find were made out of polyester.

[927] So we had a few parties lined out on the 29th last year, because Halloween was on a Monday.

[928] And the first one that we decided to go to was actually a family friend.

[929] And they're neighbors of my parents.

[930] We've done Thanksgiving with them before.

[931] So figure, let's start here, and then we'll see where the night goes after this.

[932] We get over there, and we're probably at the party for maybe an hour, hour and a half.

[933] It's starting to get going.

[934] People are coming in.

[935] You know, we've had a few drinks at this point.

[936] And he comes out, the host, and it's important to note that he's wearing an adult Bam Bam costume.

[937] So he's got on like the blonde wig, the foot shoes on, and everything.

[938] So he comes out and grabs me and says, hey, Logan, you got to come inside and try this dish that my wife's making.

[939] Now, at the time, I didn't know anything about it.

[940] He's real excited.

[941] I immediately knew that something cool was happening because as soon as I walked in, there was just a group of people standing around the center island in the kitchen, and all I could see was a flame coming up about two feet in the air from the countertop.

[942] Okay.

[943] So we get over there, and I find out that this dish is called, I'm probably going to butcher this, it's a Portuguese dish called chorizo, a bombiero.

[944] I guess translates to sausage cooked on fire, and what it looks like is there's this ceramic dish that has a reservoir in the bottom of it that you pour ever clear into and you light it on fire.

[945] Oh, wow.

[946] I get there in time with him that they're pulling the first sausage off, and it was really good.

[947] You know, he's slicing it up.

[948] He's handing me some bites of it.

[949] I'm having some more.

[950] So we're standing right there, and his wife goes to put the next sausage on, and...

[951] We caught you.

[952] I kind of wanted to do it so.

[953] I want to draw attention to the Ted Seegers.

[954] I got to tell the audience that Logan just took a big swig of Ted Seagers.

[955] How good is that NA beer?

[956] It's fantastic.

[957] This is my last one of the case.

[958] I'm going to have to order more.

[959] We got more coming end of the month.

[960] Perfect.

[961] I need one of those shirts that says that Ted Seagers, please, I'm driving.

[962] Okay, perfect.

[963] So I don't know if you've ever burned Everclear or any other type of grain alcohol before, but when it gets down to the bottom part, the flames are actually invisible.

[964] So it creates the illusion that there's no more fire.

[965] Uh -oh.

[966] At this point, his wife then thinks that we need to light another fire, and so she grabs the bottle of Everclear.

[967] Uh -oh.

[968] Starts pouring it in the reservoir, and it explodes.

[969] Oh, God.

[970] Fire three feet up in the air.

[971] It went out both ends of the reservoir.

[972] Oh, no. It just happened so fast.

[973] I throw my hands up, and what it really felt like was, you know, when you open an oven really fast, and it's like on broil and you just feel the heat coming out?

[974] Yeah.

[975] I'm just kind of in shock.

[976] and I see my parents' neighbor and his wig is on fire.

[977] Oh.

[978] Okay, bam -bam?

[979] Bam's on fire.

[980] Okay.

[981] Not ideal.

[982] No, not ideal at all, especially in those shoes.

[983] You can't run very well.

[984] No, no, no. I then noticed that nobody's watching him.

[985] They're all staring at me. Oh, shit.

[986] I'm on fire.

[987] Oh, my God.

[988] Jesus.

[989] My robe had completely gone up in flames.

[990] I mean, everything.

[991] I've got the...

[992] Oliester tie that came with the costume, it's on fire.

[993] No, oh my God.

[994] Oh, it's dangerous.

[995] Thankfully, my kindergarten training kicked in, and I remember to stop, drop, and roll.

[996] Yes.

[997] And I can't take all the credit for that.

[998] Someone was yelling at him to fall down as he was running in the backyard.

[999] And so I heard it, and so I remember to stop, drop, and roll around.

[1000] One swift motion, shirts off, robes gone, everything, and I am hauling it to the bathroom to assess the damage.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] Wow.

[1003] Are you just in a pair of panties at this point?

[1004] Oh no, thankfully I've still got pants on.

[1005] Okay, great, great, great, great.

[1006] Those didn't catch on fire, the robe and shirt completely toast.

[1007] I never even saw the robe again.

[1008] They threw it away before I could even see it.

[1009] I don't think there was much left.

[1010] Someone could have just done a spell.

[1011] You know, I was the only one with the one.

[1012] Oh, fuck, yeah, that's on you.

[1013] I know.

[1014] I know.

[1015] I should have at least made sure that my wife had one too.

[1016] Because then, you know, she could have used the Agua.

[1017] Yes, that's it.

[1018] Agamante, boom, guys.

[1019] Amazing.

[1020] I'm assessing the damage, and it didn't really start hurting until I could see what it looked like.

[1021] And I have pictures, if you want to see, I know, Dax, you may be interested.

[1022] Of course I am.

[1023] The entire bottom right side of my face and both of my hands were just completely burned.

[1024] So whenever I had thrown my hands up like this, I guess I missed this part.

[1025] Oh.

[1026] And so it just went right here.

[1027] and got both of my hands Let me add you have enormous hands I just want to congratulate you on how fucking big your hands are I think that's actually an illusion Oh okay okay thank you I appreciate it I'll take it I don't know if you can really see that super well Oh my lord son Wow that looks so painful And those are my hands Oh my gosh Logan I'm shocked your face looks completely fine now.

[1028] How long did it take the heel?

[1029] It was about two weeks before I could use my hands again.

[1030] And it was about three, maybe four weeks before it was all no longer noticeable.

[1031] I do notice my cheeks get red more often now, and I've got a couple spots on my hands that do.

[1032] But other than that, it's like I got a free chemical peel out of it.

[1033] Wow.

[1034] It's very glass half full.

[1035] Well, the best glass half full is that it got me here.

[1036] I get to talk to you all.

[1037] My dad's running next door, get in the car.

[1038] And meanwhile, my wife has no idea what happened.

[1039] Nobody went and grabbed her or told her anything.

[1040] She's just still in the backyard.

[1041] Having a great time.

[1042] Yeah.

[1043] So eventually someone comes and gets her, and they tell her, hey, Molly, I think you need to go inside.

[1044] Logan's having kind of a hard time right now.

[1045] That's what they told her.

[1046] What?

[1047] Like you're in a bad mood?

[1048] But that's all she got.

[1049] And then when she came inside, obviously her jaw dropped.

[1050] She's freaking out.

[1051] We get to the hospital, and it is packed.

[1052] Saturday night in the ER.

[1053] There's so many people there.

[1054] But what's really funny is that for a Halloween night, there was nobody in costumes.

[1055] Oh, I'm surprised.

[1056] Oh.

[1057] Yeah, I would have thought the whole place was like the monster mask, people with fucking missing hands and stuff.

[1058] That's what I was expecting, too.

[1059] They're trying to figure out who's actually injured and which one's part of the costume.

[1060] Right.

[1061] What's real blood?

[1062] What's fake?

[1063] So I get in there in my first thought.

[1064] is, oh, shit, this is going to be a while before I can get back there.

[1065] And then they immediately take me back before my wife's even done signing the paperwork.

[1066] And so my first thought is, oh, this is great.

[1067] I don't have to wait.

[1068] And then I think, oh, this must be really bad if I don't have to wait.

[1069] Yeah, good point.

[1070] So they get me back there.

[1071] I've got my wedding band on, and it looked like gold, but it was made out of tungsten steel.

[1072] They're trying to cut it off my finger.

[1073] It broke two drills.

[1074] The first one, it popped the blade off.

[1075] The second one, it was too dull.

[1076] So I asked the guy, I said, hey, how come we're focusing on this and we're not getting other things moving because I'm in a lot of pain here?

[1077] And he said, well, two reasons.

[1078] Your hands are swelling at a rate that if we don't get that off, you could lose that finger.

[1079] Oh, God, okay.

[1080] And he said, and we can't give you any pain medicine because it may make your hands swell more.

[1081] So we've got to find a way to get this off your finger.

[1082] Whoa.

[1083] He turned around.

[1084] I don't know what he was looking for, but that scared the hell out of me. So I grabbed that ring and I yanked it off my hand.

[1085] The ring came off and so did all of the skin on that finger.

[1086] Ripped the whole thing off.

[1087] The whole thing was a ordeal.

[1088] They ended up having to transfer me to the burn center at a different hospital.

[1089] I spent about three hours there because they had to wait for the blisters to get to full size before they could do anything.

[1090] So they actually went in and they cut them all off.

[1091] Oh, my God.

[1092] Oh, wow.

[1093] Very satisfying while they're cutting it off.

[1094] All this hot pus is coming out of my hands.

[1095] hands.

[1096] The cold air on it felt really great.

[1097] What didn't feel so good is when they had to get the wire brush and start cleaning them out.

[1098] No, stop!

[1099] I hope Doodle Boy animates this one, and I hope he has a skeleton finger.

[1100] Oh, God.

[1101] That wasn't just the bone in the drawing.

[1102] Oh, my gosh.

[1103] You know what, that would make my day.

[1104] Well, this already will spend my ear, but if I could see that of the Doodle Boy sketch, that'd be fantastic.

[1105] Oh, my God.

[1106] Logan.

[1107] You know, all in all, everything healed up pretty great.

[1108] There were second -degree burns, which meant no nerve damage.

[1109] It also meant that I felt every second of every single thing because there was no nerve damage.

[1110] You have a very good attitude about this experience.

[1111] I really want to applaud how well you've taken this whole thing.

[1112] Well, I get to talk to you guys.

[1113] Well, that's very sweet.

[1114] I think this is the happiest way I've ever told this story.

[1115] So this year, what are you going to go as this year?

[1116] You should go as a Roman candle to fuck with people.

[1117] You know what?

[1118] I thought about going as a burn victim.

[1119] They sent me the E -Bite to the same party like a week ago.

[1120] Oh, my God.

[1121] You know, I've still got plenty of bandages.

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] That would be great.

[1124] That's so funny.

[1125] Or come as a firefighter, one of the two, with an extinguisher.

[1126] Oh, yeah.

[1127] Wow.

[1128] Well, Logan, what a pleasure to meet you.

[1129] I'm sorry that happened to you, but I thank you.

[1130] you because it amused us greatly.

[1131] Well, thank you both so much.

[1132] Really appreciate it.

[1133] All right.

[1134] Bye.

[1135] Stay safe out there.

[1136] As we've heard, many, many things can go wrong.

[1137] It's not shocking.

[1138] I mean, it's a night where everyone's dressing up as alter egos.

[1139] I mean, it is the drunk as I've ever been.

[1140] Yeah, that's so common.

[1141] I told you that was Bree and I, it was always a disastrous holiday for us.

[1142] We would overconsume.

[1143] Like, why does it?

[1144] Why?

[1145] There's so many other holidays we're drinking a thing.

[1146] It's the alter ego thing.

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] You look in the mirror and you're like, oh, I'm this creature.

[1149] tonight, and I'm going to behave as such.

[1150] You just feel like you're anonymous in a way.

[1151] Yeah.

[1152] You act like you're on social media.

[1153] Wow, scary.

[1154] Scary, ding, ding.

[1155] We've already revealed, but should we re -reveal our Halloween characters we're playing?

[1156] Yes.

[1157] Okay, so everyone knows.

[1158] I'm Griffin door.

[1159] No, I'm Oldawan.

[1160] Dumbledore.

[1161] Dumbledore.

[1162] Dumbledore.

[1163] Oh, my God.

[1164] I'm Dumbbell door.

[1165] I love dumbbells.

[1166] Listen, we're doing.

[1167] Harry Potter Halloween and there's a wide range in the group of fans yeah some people are really extreme fans rabid some would say rabid and others don't know much at all that's right why on me into that causing a rift is it this is not news to anyone though that I'm just like I liked the movies not just you there's others there's others out there on your team I didn't know that I'm going as Rita Skeeter Rita Skeeter Rita Skeeter Pumpkin Eater.

[1168] And she's a gossip?

[1169] Yes, she's a bad journalist.

[1170] Right.

[1171] And she breaks all these gossipy stories.

[1172] And it turns out she's also a wizard.

[1173] No, she's an unregistered animagus, which means she can turn into a beetle fly.

[1174] And that's how she's getting all this information.

[1175] She's spying.

[1176] Perverbial, fly on the wall.

[1177] That's right.

[1178] The proverbial, what was the thing I said the other day?

[1179] The proverbial.

[1180] And you wanted to know.

[1181] Oh, the proverbial.

[1182] Oh, it was a proverbial goat eating.

[1183] balls sack something like that eating goat balls yeah in a local community well i i love Halloween and i hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween I know that should have made us like less excited for Halloween it actually made me more excited I'm so excited I love the festivities me too well I love you happy Halloween happy Halloween do want to sing a tune or something I'm going to have a theme song.

[1184] Oh, okay, great.

[1185] We don't have a thing song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.

[1186] We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of armchair, he'll get some suggestions.

[1187] On the flyer rhymedish, on the flyer rhyme dish, enjoy.

[1188] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1189] to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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