#1481 - Adam Eget

[0] Dda, da, da, da.

[1] Adam, motherfucking eaget.

[2] How are you, brother?

[3] Good to see you, good to see you.

[4] Thanks for having me on.

[5] Please.

[6] I'm excited to see you.

[7] Dude, I haven't seen anybody.

[8] I know, it's like you're a long -lost friend.

[9] It feels that way.

[10] Yeah.

[11] But it also feels like you're literally like the only person I've seen.

[12] Oh, you haven't left the house?

[13] Not much.

[14] I go out on a daily walks.

[15] Oh, no. That's not good for the mental health.

[16] It's not good at all.

[17] How are you feeling?

[18] Alright?

[19] Yeah, I'm okay.

[20] I'm watching a lot of Korean baseball.

[21] Why Korean baseball?

[22] Because it's the only live sport available.

[23] Oh, they're playing in Korea already.

[24] Oh, it's wild.

[25] There stands, you know, stadiums are empty, but they have like cardboard cutouts.

[26] Oh, no, they don't.

[27] Cheerleaders with masks and like DJs, it's hilarious.

[28] Oh, wow.

[29] But it's great.

[30] It's fun.

[31] That's so weird.

[32] Yeah.

[33] So they use cardboard cutouts in the audience?

[34] Yeah.

[35] Oh, that's so, that's so, just in like the front where the cameras are behind home play.

[36] Oh, that's too strange.

[37] Oh, it's hilarious.

[38] Oh, it's hilarious.

[39] I think I saw that in a movie once.

[40] There was a baseball movie, and you could clearly see that there was cutouts.

[41] Because have you ever seen what happens when they take old movies and then they poured them over to, like, Blu -ray?

[42] No. Oh.

[43] One of the best example is aliens.

[44] The second...

[45] That's my favorite action movie of all time.

[46] It's a great fucking movie.

[47] It's a great fucking movie.

[48] I don't think it's as good a horror movie as the original one.

[49] No, it's not a horror movie.

[50] Because the first one's a horror movie.

[51] Yeah, it's James Cameron.

[52] It's just fucking guns blazing.

[53] It doesn't stop.

[54] Never stops.

[55] It's the most adrenaline -fueled movie I've ever seen from beginning in.

[56] It just keeps progressively getting more intense and more intense.

[57] And you know what's great about those movies?

[58] The hero is a woman, and no one gives a fuck because they're so good.

[59] There's no, there's no like, oh, yeah, it's a diverse movie.

[60] It's amazing for women.

[61] It's not Captain Marvel.

[62] No. No, it's just a gorny weaver being a fucking badass fighting the most evil monster movies have ever created.

[63] Yep.

[64] Fuck yeah.

[65] That's the best.

[66] Yeah, I mean, I love that kind of, like, gender equality.

[67] When it's just equal, because it's awesome and nobody even brings it up.

[68] Exactly.

[69] Linda Hamilton and Throneator 2.

[70] It's like, are you fucking kidding me?

[71] You don't need to bring it up.

[72] She's doing the chin up.

[73] And you see her fucking back.

[74] Just intense.

[75] She's like, I'm going to fucking kill you.

[76] It's amazing.

[77] Yeah, amazing.

[78] That's what I like a, like, do you watch Ozark?

[79] No, I tried, I watched the first four episodes and then I didn't, okay, so get back into Ozark.

[80] The two scariest bitches are women.

[81] The two scariest ladies in the show.

[82] Okay.

[83] The two scariest people in the show are two women.

[84] Not Laurelini.

[85] No, no, but she's fucking great too.

[86] She's great and everything she's done.

[87] Oh, is she?

[88] She's kind of scary too.

[89] The decisions they're willing to make.

[90] That's funny.

[91] Here's Linda Hamilton doing chin up fucking ruck.

[92] This is pre -crossfit, bitches.

[93] There was no crossfit back then.

[94] She was a goddamn pioneer.

[95] here.

[96] She's like, I'm not going to fucking die.

[97] In the first one, I had a huge crush on her, and in the second one, she terrified me. She was so fucking awesome.

[98] She's fierce.

[99] Well, she became more fierce, right?

[100] She adapted to the world of the Terminators, which doesn't seem that far off from where we're at right now.

[101] We're like closing in on Terminator time.

[102] Dude, there's a fucking article I was reading today about a bionic eye that will be available in five years that will be superior to a biological eye.

[103] That's insane.

[104] Insane.

[105] Within five years, and I was going to send it to Michael Bisping.

[106] Yeah, that's like, how do they even make Black Mirror anymore?

[107] We're already surpassed it.

[108] That's what the Black Mirror guy said.

[109] He's like, I'm not even doing the season.

[110] I can't do it.

[111] The world's too absurd.

[112] Yeah.

[113] But my friend Michael Bisping, he's a former UFC middleweight champion.

[114] Yeah, he's from like Manchester or something?

[115] Yes, exactly.

[116] His one eye is really super fucked up.

[117] He's had several detached retinas to the point where it's basically blind.

[118] He barely can see anything out of one eye.

[119] From fighting?

[120] Mm -hmm.

[121] He's a beast.

[122] Bionic eye could offer perfect sight.

[123] Night vision within five years.

[124] Motherfucker!

[125] That's crazy.

[126] This is how they're going to get us, man. Between Elon Musk and these eyeball people, you're going to be half human.

[127] Half human in five years.

[128] This is five years because five fucking years from now, they're going to have a human eye that you could, like, if you lose your eye, like, Dan Crenshaw, he's going to be the first president with a vibrable.

[129] bionic eye.

[130] He's going to have a bionic eye.

[131] He's going to have a fucking artificial super eye.

[132] That's insane.

[133] Well, wait, what happened with the cardboard cutouts?

[134] You said when they transferred a blu -ray.

[135] Yeah, what I was in, that's, that's marijuana talking for you.

[136] We got to, we went from Korean baseball to bionic eye in like two minutes.

[137] So this is the cutouts.

[138] They're showing us the cutouts in Korean baseball.

[139] Oh, wait.

[140] In soccer, they got in trouble because they used the sex dolls.

[141] Oh, that's not good.

[142] Why is that First of all If this is in America Everybody'd be triggered Because it's all white Lettering on red Like no Maga They're Maga in Robot drummers It's intense It's wild It's like the XFL But baseball In Korea Seems very strange It's hilarious So anyway I watched aliens on Blu -ray And it's so terrible Why Not the movie itself But there's There's one scene where the spaceship is in the foreground and in the background is supposed to be like, you know, some space type shit.

[143] Sure.

[144] Right.

[145] It looks so bad because it was just a painting.

[146] Right.

[147] It's a matte painting.

[148] Yeah, and because the way they were focusing, you barely could see it.

[149] So it was fine in the film when he was watching it in low -deaf on his monitors.

[150] He's like, perfect.

[151] It looks great.

[152] But in high -deaf, it looks so fake.

[153] That makes so much sense.

[154] They created it based on the technology available at the time.

[155] Yeah, you shouldn't watch those movies.

[156] Enhanced.

[157] They should just keep them with the original resolution.

[158] It's really kind of stupid to do that because there's stuff they made decisions, man. Back when special effects weren't the same thing, they made decisions.

[159] Exactly.

[160] And they were good decisions.

[161] Yeah, it's hard to watch some of those in high -deaf.

[162] It really -you're like ruining the movie.

[163] Yeah, it takes you out of the whole thing.

[164] Yeah, it does.

[165] It's there's something about also like there's something about when they colorize gone with the wind and stuff like, hey.

[166] What are you doing?

[167] You're not supposed to do that.

[168] I know.

[169] You don't have.

[170] You don't have.

[171] have to.

[172] Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[173] Like colorized Schindler's list.

[174] It's like, what are you doing?

[175] Yeah, it's like you forgot what a red dress is.

[176] You forgot what a red dress looks like.

[177] Bitch, I know what a dress looks like.

[178] This is a time capsule.

[179] Right?

[180] That movie is a time capsule.

[181] Exactly.

[182] Twilight Zone's my favorite television show of all time.

[183] I've seen every episode at least five times.

[184] I would agree with you.

[185] And specifically, because of the fact that it came first, but I put Black Mirror in that league.

[186] Black Mirror was so good.

[187] It's so good.

[188] Do you have a favorite Black Mirror episode?

[189] Yes.

[190] The one that you and I watched when we were getting N -A -D, the museum?

[191] Black Museum.

[192] Oh, that was a fucking.

[193] God, damn.

[194] That was horrific.

[195] Terrifying.

[196] God, damn, that was good.

[197] So good.

[198] That and Crocodile.

[199] Crocodile was very underrated.

[200] Very under.

[201] Very terrifying.

[202] Terrifying.

[203] Because you could see like a good person making these choices and these choices accelerate to the point She was great.

[204] Ooh.

[205] That's such a good show.

[206] Yeah, that was a great one.

[207] I loved the Star Trek one.

[208] I know it was very popular, but that one was so well done.

[209] Very good.

[210] Very creepy, man. Very, very possible, right?

[211] All of it.

[212] Look, the Trump one.

[213] There's so many.

[214] They had the, it was a bad episode, but it was, it came true.

[215] It basically.

[216] I didn't see the Trump one.

[217] It was like Waldo.

[218] It was like this puppet.

[219] It was like this cartoon.

[220] There was like this mascot who became president.

[221] And he was just saying all.

[222] this outlandish shit like I haven't seen them all I haven't seen them he hardly even the problem is he said outlandish shit over the course of X amount of years and if you like dissect it it's like he's just spouting it out all day long the way they do it is they take you out of context and then they change what you are right because if if you're a guy like Trump who does say ridiculous shit sometimes particularly before he was ever president oh yeah but a lot of people do you know it's called talking shit yeah and it's what a lot of people do right but you can can't do that if you ever plan on being a president.

[223] Yeah.

[224] But if you just take all of those talking shit moments and condense them together and go, this is him.

[225] You're like, oh, my God, this is a monster.

[226] But nobody's like that all day.

[227] And people vacillate, they vary.

[228] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[229] There is someone, you know, sometimes the internet really does some great work.

[230] And yesterday I saw somebody spliced together that great soundbite of him suggesting that they inject humans with, with Chlorox.

[231] Like, that whole.

[232] Yeah, Lysaw, maybe I'm not a scientist, but maybe we do that.

[233] And then there's this great clip with Jim Downey and Billy Madison.

[234] I don't know if you remember that movie real well.

[235] I saw that really recently.

[236] So funny.

[237] So he's talking all this shit about maybe we can inject it into people.

[238] I'm not a scientist, but I don't know, maybe something there.

[239] And then it cuts to Jim Downey.

[240] And he's like, nowhere in your incoherent ramblings have you said anything that makes any sort of sense.

[241] Everyone in this room is now infinitely dumber.

[242] for having listened to it.

[243] I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

[244] That's what of those beautiful videos that people will post up as a response to things.

[245] And it's just like he can't say shit when someone says that.

[246] They had a great one with Hannah Gatsby cut with like audience.

[247] I guess I shouldn't talk about that.

[248] Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[249] With the night of the Apollo.

[250] Night of the Apollo.

[251] That one, that's crazy.

[252] That video's hilarious.

[253] I miss the comedy store.

[254] Yeah, man, I miss the comedy store too For people don't know, you're like, who's this Adam guy?

[255] You are the man who got me to come back to the comedy store.

[256] You came to the improv.

[257] I mean, I appreciate that.

[258] It's true.

[259] You came to the improv.

[260] There was two things that happened.

[261] The first one was you coming to the improv and talking to me and explaining to me, things are different and all the old people.

[262] We know each other for a long time.

[263] Well, we knew each other from Tempe.

[264] Yeah, and then the second thing that got me to do it was Ari when Ari was having a special there.

[265] Dude, that was the hardest I ever worked.

[266] To get them to green light, that's special.

[267] It was so important to me, because we love Ari to death.

[268] Ari is, to me, I mean, I've known Ari since he was a doorman at the comedy store.

[269] We became friends when he was a doorman.

[270] He was just starting out.

[271] And to see him go from being a doorman to film in his special at the comedy store, I was like, I have to be there.

[272] Even if I have to swallow my pride, I have to be there.

[273] He was filming on a Wednesday, so I went on Tuesday, just so it wouldn't shock my system, and I could just appreciate his filming.

[274] Nice.

[275] So I came down on Tuesday, and it was Roast Battle, and I was like, holy shit.

[276] And Jeff Ross gave me this crazy introduction at Roast Battle, and, you know, that was the first time I was at the comedy store in seven years.

[277] And, you know, and then I was seeing how creative everybody was.

[278] Like, the Roast Battle thing was so different, because it's obviously, like, jokes that these guys had to roll.

[279] write about each other.

[280] So it's like it forces you into writing jokes.

[281] It takes away the one thing that fucks most comedians is that they don't write.

[282] So when you're forced into a battle, like you're going to have to do battle next Tuesday with this girl and this girl's vicious.

[283] Like you've got to come up with some mean shit to say about her.

[284] It's been really funny.

[285] And she's writing some mean shit about you.

[286] Yeah, you already know that she's going to have some shit to you.

[287] It's not my style.

[288] I don't do comedy like that.

[289] It's a different muscle.

[290] Yeah, it's a different, it's a different, just a different, I'm too mean in real life.

[291] Like, I don't want to turn that on for comedy.

[292] I don't like that part of me. I like to keep that part locked away.

[293] So, but when people get real mean and nasty with each other, I'm like, Jesus.

[294] Like, it makes me uncomfortable but laugh at the same time.

[295] But it's just not a, I don't have that thing in me. I'm not interested in that.

[296] But that style is, even though it's brutal and it's everyone agrees.

[297] Like, everyone knows what they're doing to each other.

[298] And then I love how Brian has everybody hug it out.

[299] It's great.

[300] It's amazing.

[301] It is great.

[302] He's the perfect host for it.

[303] too you know he's uh he's so friendly he's just so likable he's charismatic he's yeah he is the perfect host for that yeah and it's just like the whole thing was when i was there i was like man this is just so different it's it's a wildly different club when when when the old talent coordinator left it was like it was just a complete 180 everything just started you were the catalyst for the truly great years that we've we were able to experience before this this this epidemic, but, or pandemic, uh, but, uh, it was, uh, you could see everything's starting to shift a little bit with roast battle.

[304] And, and then when Tommy left, it was like the floodgates open.

[305] We were able to get rid of some of the old blood and some of the people that were weighing the lineups down.

[306] But you coming back was everything.

[307] I mean, that was so baffling to me when I first came to the comedy store about 10 years ago, because I remember hearing about the mensia beef and everything and then I'm like where what happened and when I heard about what happened I was like how is this allowed how did this happen so I knew when I took over I was like I don't care what I have to do and like you made decision all on your own all I did was was say hey give it a shot you know come down at least just for a visit it's just like a different it seemed like a different world back then you know it's just a different world and then you know after the old guard was kicked out it was like an exorcism like when I the moment When I came back to the place, I was like, this is a different place.

[308] It's not even the old comedy store, because in the 70 years, it had kind of gone through a new rebirth.

[309] You know, I think that place goes through cycles.

[310] When I came there in the 90s, it was dog shit.

[311] It was terrible.

[312] Tell me about it.

[313] What was the life?

[314] It was terrible.

[315] Except for when the greats would show up.

[316] Like every now and then, like Martin Lawrence would show up.

[317] Every now and then Damon Waynes would show up.

[318] In their prime.

[319] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[320] In their prime.

[321] Murderers.

[322] Dude, I've never bought.

[323] harder in my life than following Marlin, or excuse me, following Martin or following Damon, following either one of them, or Marlin, shit, or Tommy Davidson back then.

[324] Oh, he was great.

[325] Oh, my God, dude, Tommy Davidson used to murder.

[326] Everybody murdered, but there was only, like, a few, and they wouldn't come that often.

[327] So it was like, when Martin would come, the main room would be flooded with people, just pulling out into the hallway.

[328] He's like, people forgot how big Martin Lawrence was.

[329] In those days, this was the leather jumpsuit days.

[330] Sure.

[331] The Uso crazy days?

[332] Yeah, bro, he was on top of the world.

[333] Yeah, he was king of the world, for sure.

[334] He was on top of the world.

[335] People forgot.

[336] They forgot how hard he murdered, too.

[337] He was so good.

[338] The hardest decision I ever had to make was one day Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock showed up at the same exact time, and they both wanted to go up, and I had to decide who was going to go on.

[339] That was a tough one.

[340] how long goes this this was about a year ago yeah year and a half ago that's a hard one you know yeah but they should work that out yeah right that's not it shouldn't be on you that's too hard for you yeah there's two of them i mean i would go go ahead man i'll go after you how long you do exactly yeah i want to i don't want any beef and with those two guys like they're both legends you know they're both legends when i used to follow martin lawrence man i got i developed like this ability to accept the fact that I was going to eat shit and not be so scared because I had gotten beaten down a bunch of times by those crowds.

[341] And that was the brilliance of Mitzie.

[342] She knew that, you know, it was a tough spot.

[343] You know, she just put me on after Martin Lawrence every time, dude.

[344] She was on the line up.

[345] It'd be like Martin Lawrence, he'd do 45 minutes and then it'd be Joe Rogan.

[346] I'm like, death.

[347] You ever seen that video online where there's these Nigerian guys or these African guys, rather, and it's at a funeral?

[348] And when the music starts playing, they go to these guys, and then there's a guy getting knocked out.

[349] And then when the guy gets knocked out, like, you go back to the guys dancing with the coffin.

[350] It's a funny meme in MMA circles.

[351] You know what I'm talking about?

[352] I just saw it.

[353] I think Donald Trump's account posted it with the clip of Biden saying that stuff to Charlemagne.

[354] Oh, no. There's the Biden account going into the, like, coffin.

[355] Oh, please, please see if you can find that.

[356] Please see if you could find that.

[357] Who posted it, Donald Trump himself?

[358] I think it was on his Donald Trump's Snapchat, so whoever's controlling my...

[359] So that's you in the coffin every time you had to do a set after mine.

[360] I would eat shit.

[361] I would eat shit.

[362] And everybody would leave.

[363] I love that about Mitsu.

[364] That she would do that.

[365] And if you ever once said anything about having to do it, she would put you on 10 times more right after the same spot.

[366] Oh, she put you on at one in the morning.

[367] People that...

[368] She'd be like, oh, you don't want that spot?

[369] Okay, I'll put you on one in the morning, you fuck.

[370] And she would yell at you too.

[371] And people that have beef, she would always put you one after the other.

[372] or people that were dating and break up.

[373] I love that about her.

[374] Fucking love that.

[375] What a legend.

[376] That's how you treat it as a real gym, because that's where you would get that real workout in, is the emotional pangs.

[377] But it's also, like, as a comic, you've got to learn how to come out of the gate.

[378] When people don't know who you are and you have a lot to prove and you're going on after someone who is a legend.

[379] So it's like you have to develop that ability to follow those folks, because in a normal club, you would get a chance, right?

[380] go on stage it'd be easy no one killed before you you just easy you stroll out there how's everybody doing right good looking crowd let me tell you something about my day and you could kind of go into it like you know ease into it but after martin lawrence crushes bro you got to come with some strong shit right out of the gate this there's only like 25 people going to stay no matter what exactly no matter what you do i would watch masses of people just lift off their chairs and leave the room there just no one stayed yeah and i'll bet 50 % of your set is just reset the room.

[381] I mean, how do you even...

[382] Good God, the first five minutes is...

[383] You learn how to eat shit.

[384] This is Donald Trump.

[385] This is actually Donald Trump's Snapchat, and he put this...

[386] This is...

[387] These are these guys right here.

[388] This, and it comes with this fucking music.

[389] There's so many knockouts.

[390] Here it is.

[391] You got more questions, but I tell me that if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, and you ain't black.

[392] And it's them carrying a coffin.

[393] This is Biden for president on the The president tweeted that.

[394] Yes, of course he did.

[395] Look, dude, he knows how to use the internet, man. And his son knows how to use the internet.

[396] Donald Trump Jr., they use him for all the wild shit.

[397] When they need to post something really wild, they go to Don Jr.'s Instagram.

[398] That's fucking great.

[399] Listen, man, they're playing dirty.

[400] Everybody's playing dirty.

[401] The world's playing dirty.

[402] Different world.

[403] They're all pretending you're someone who not, lying about this.

[404] No one's going to be honest.

[405] It's just about creating impressions.

[406] and memes and getting these short attention span motherfuckers to hold on to a narrative as hard as possible.

[407] Russia.

[408] Russia game, Russia.

[409] Whatever it is.

[410] Ask people they're upset.

[411] They don't even know what happened.

[412] That's 90 % of the people out there, man. We live in the...

[413] And now it's going to be even weirder because everybody's going to be so stressed out because the economy's in the shit.

[414] Yeah.

[415] And it's not going to get out of there any quick...

[416] Anytime soon.

[417] It's going to take some time.

[418] What's going to happen?

[419] I mean, this is like...

[420] Is this going to be class?

[421] Because the people that can afford to stay home, they want everyone to go out and get the economy going.

[422] Like they're super rich.

[423] They don't give a fuck about people dying.

[424] They can stay in their mansions.

[425] There's that aspect of it.

[426] Those are the ones that I don't think are looking at it correctly in terms of like the actual danger of the virus.

[427] But then there's other people that are like, hey, I don't want to lose my business.

[428] Why don't you restart the economy so I can take a chance?

[429] I'd rather take a fucking chance.

[430] I'm losing everything.

[431] I'm 99 .999 .999 % sure I'm going to fucking survive this.

[432] Right.

[433] You know, and I'm going to know it's common.

[434] I'm going to take a lot of vitamins.

[435] Like, let me do what I have to do.

[436] And let's quarantine the people that are in danger.

[437] Let's quarantine old people.

[438] Let's keep them away until it goes away.

[439] Yeah, that's reason.

[440] Quarantine sick people.

[441] And this is what we need to do.

[442] This is what needs to be done, not lock the whole fucking country down.

[443] And once they do that, man, they don't want to undo that.

[444] I don't know when reason left the world.

[445] But in so many different aspects.

[446] of the world.

[447] Is that what it was?

[448] Twitter?

[449] I mean, with, there's just no reason almost anywhere.

[450] Well, I think the reason is to save lives.

[451] It's just not a it doesn't make sense.

[452] It doesn't work right.

[453] Because you're losing lives with everything.

[454] Dude, there's an article that can't.

[455] Find out this is true.

[456] There's an article that I was reading in the Washington Examiner.

[457] One of those is a weird newspaper.

[458] And it's one of those ones like, what is this a bias?

[459] Like, what is the bias of the Washington Examiner?

[460] But it's basically saying that there's more people dead from suicide in Northern California than the war from coronavirus deaths.

[461] Oh, during the lockdown.

[462] Because people are fully in despair.

[463] They're losing everything.

[464] They're going bankrupt and they don't see any way out of it.

[465] Well, if it wasn't for Korean baseball, I would be fucking blowing my fucking head off.

[466] I've watched so many movies.

[467] Yeah.

[468] I mean.

[469] I've watched everything.

[470] Just everything.

[471] Everything.

[472] Not really everything.

[473] I still haven't seen the new Adam.

[474] Sandler movie, the Diamond movie.

[475] Supposed to be uncut gems.

[476] Oh, that was my favorite.

[477] That and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood were my two favorites that year.

[478] I have, uh, you know, two young girls and I can't really watch fucked up movies with them.

[479] Sure.

[480] I got yelled out for watching Alien with one of them.

[481] Which, the first or second?

[482] The first one.

[483] I could, well.

[484] Yeah, maybe.

[485] Maybe the first.

[486] With John Hurd.

[487] I was like, come on.

[488] I'd watch it.

[489] My mother had me watch those movies when I was really little.

[490] Like, she watched scary movies with me. Oh, the first scary movie I ever saw was The Shining.

[491] So it is a true statistic.

[492] Bay Area doctors seeing more suicides during coronavirus stay -at -home order.

[493] It's at one hospital, though.

[494] Oh.

[495] So they reported it and said it's the whole area.

[496] See, good for you, Jamie.

[497] That's real news.

[498] That's real news, folks.

[499] That's how you're supposed to do it.

[500] You're not supposed to lie and read the statistic all fucked up.

[501] Right.

[502] You know?

[503] Sometimes people do things like that And you're like, oh, you can't do that I just saw I feel like maybe it was something you said Oh, fuck, I can't remember There's no weed in this?

[504] No, no, zero.

[505] This is just 25 milligrams of CBD and some delicious Kilcliff mango goodness.

[506] Well, then I'm just fucked -hearted.

[507] It happens, bro.

[508] When do you think we'll be able to start up shows again?

[509] I really hoping in July.

[510] I feel like I know.

[511] No, but it's, but realistically, I think July.

[512] What would you think about opening up a comedy store in Austin, Texas?

[513] I mean, that would do really well.

[514] I think it'd do really well.

[515] I think it really would.

[516] I love that town.

[517] The conversations I've been having on the phone lately?

[518] I did reconnaissance this weekend.

[519] Did you?

[520] I flew to Texas, yeah.

[521] Oh, shit.

[522] Yeah.

[523] Do you know Charlie?

[524] Do you know the guy who runs, do you know Charlie, the guy who runs, South by Southwest comedy division?

[525] He'd be a good guy to talk to probably.

[526] Well, I just talk to comedians.

[527] That's great.

[528] Yeah, I mean, I don't need to talk to anybody but the comics.

[529] I just feel like there's a lot of people in Austin.

[530] There's a million people.

[531] They have two good comedy clubs right now.

[532] Cap City's a great room.

[533] And then they have the Velvita room, which I've never done, but I hear really good things about.

[534] And I don't know if they have anything else.

[535] How many, I think that's it.

[536] Every time.

[537] It's been to South by a southwest a couple different times for Comedy Week, and it's just been insane.

[538] It's a great town.

[539] Yeah.

[540] I just think there's a real problem with, first of all, the volume of humans here is unmanageable, and there's a real problem with the government telling us what to do here.

[541] There's things that don't make sense, and here's the best example.

[542] They recently decided to open it back up for movies, for movies and television production.

[543] Oh, okay.

[544] But not for churches.

[545] What?

[546] What?

[547] Like, wait a minute.

[548] What are you saying?

[549] Like, you can't be at a church.

[550] How about give a church 25 % capacity, just like you would other businesses.

[551] And that's what we were talking about.

[552] Some reason, balance.

[553] Have more than one service in the day.

[554] Like, you don't have to just, it doesn't make sense if some things can do their job and you call them essential businesses and some can't.

[555] Like, if you're saying that film production is okay.

[556] Like, here's a weird one.

[557] You can't have Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, but liquor stores are essential businesses.

[558] That's insane.

[559] It's so fucked up.

[560] That's fucking crazy.

[561] It's so fucked up.

[562] Adam Curry told me that.

[563] And when I read it, I was like, oh, no. And there's logic to the essential business part of the liquor store thing.

[564] Because, look, man, people are freaked out.

[565] They need something to calm them down.

[566] If they can't get any booze at all, shit could get really bad.

[567] And the hospitals need the beds.

[568] So when people detox off alcohol, it's very dangerous.

[569] That's actually how Amy Winehouse died.

[570] She died from detoxing from alcohol.

[571] It's a hard fucking fall, too.

[572] So they need the hospital beds.

[573] They can't have people detoxing while everybody's dying at COVID.

[574] And then people get...

[575] Makes sense to me. They deemed it an essential business.

[576] But fucking Alcoholics Anonymous, man. You've got to keep that open.

[577] Yeah.

[578] I've done a...

[579] I do an Alcoholics Anonymous Zoom call once a week.

[580] And most of them are fucking terrible, man. You got to have...

[581] You got to be in person with people.

[582] That could really help.

[583] The same as, you know, my kids are going to Zoom school.

[584] You got to be in person.

[585] It's not, you know, it's not the way to do it.

[586] It's just, you got to be in person with people.

[587] I'm telling you that's the fucking worst.

[588] Have you seen some of the stand -up zooms?

[589] Fuck that.

[590] Oh.

[591] That is ridiculous.

[592] Oh, the worst thing ever.

[593] That's like pretending you're in a swimming race in your living room.

[594] I'm swimming.

[595] Look, I'm on the floor.

[596] I'm swimming.

[597] But you're not swimming.

[598] You're not doing comedy.

[599] You're fucking doing something.

[600] weird man because you wish you could do comedy it's so bad it's so painful to watch timing is everything and it kills the timing you have no energy no audience no it's not stand up no it's not stand up um phoenix is holding shows again wow phoenix has full nightclubs again jesus yeah um floyd mayweather was uh spotted at this phoenix nightclub no masks on in the whole place bumper to bumper with people really again balance i feel like maybe Let them do it.

[601] Let them do it.

[602] That's what I say.

[603] Let them do it.

[604] Listen, man, this is not what we thought it was going to be.

[605] It's not killing people at the rate we thought it was going to.

[606] We would have never signed up for this if we thought it was really going to kill 0 .1 % of the population that catch it.

[607] And you realize how many people catch it and don't even know they had it.

[608] And then you look at the average age that people are dying from it.

[609] It's literally older than the average age people die.

[610] Oh, well then...

[611] The whole thing makes no sense.

[612] This is not something you should shut the economy down for.

[613] We thought it was.

[614] We thought it was going to be a terrible thing.

[615] that was going to wreck havoc and they'll point out like individual cases of people that are that are really young or healthy and something goes wrong with them a hundred percent yeah that's terrible but we should just be careful it doesn't mean we should keep everything shut down it's rare that these people exist these these young people that get sick that you hear about this is not normal why aren't we reassessing the situation then why i don't know man i mean they're going to see how how these other cities that have opened up do and and how that goes and then and then we This is a very conservative state in that regard.

[616] I mean, it's very liberal, but it's very conservative in the regard of, like, how they're approaching this thing.

[617] They're doing it very slowly and very deliberately.

[618] You know, I don't agree with it.

[619] I just think at a certain point in time, you have to adjust.

[620] It is not what we thought it was going to be.

[621] You thought there were going to be hundreds of thousands of people dead.

[622] In this state, there's only 2 ,000 people dead.

[623] But people are dying from all kinds of shit all the time.

[624] We can't just focus on one thing.

[625] Of course.

[626] While this is happening, people are.

[627] People are dying in this state of tuberculosis, lung cancer, liver cancer, they're dying.

[628] So do you think this is a political thing?

[629] I don't know, man. To try and keep the economy shitty.

[630] No, I don't think so.

[631] I don't think that.

[632] I've heard that crazy conspiracy theory.

[633] I don't think that.

[634] I think it's a matter of, first of all, there's a lot of people that are legitimately scared.

[635] Yeah.

[636] I mean, I talk to kids' parents that don't want the kids going back to school in September.

[637] These people are legitimately scared.

[638] They think it's going to get worse.

[639] Oh, my God.

[640] If I had kids at home, bro.

[641] fucking open it up open the fucking schools immediately for children it's very rare that it's fatal very rare that it's fatal but the flu is far more fatal the flu is far more fatal fatal for children and during flu season we willingly let kids go to school and we don't even think about it yeah right yeah you have to think about if you're really worried about children the flu is far more deadly now this is not dismissing the deadliness of this disease is a terrible disease Michael yo got it and he almost died but a lot of things happened to Michael yo he flew all the way to fucking New York with no sleep he did radio he did all this kinds of shit he did shows there no sleep flies back and then drives from his house to Vegas and then back with his family in the same day then he has two days of auditions plus he's vitamin D deficient oh well there you got I was thinking all this I was like well Michael Yo is a strong guy is healthy and vibrant like if that guy got sick from him oh my god this is scary vitamin D vitamin D deficiency is something that exists in like 70 % of the population.

[642] 70 % of the people in this country are vitamin D deficient.

[643] First thing I did when I saw that we were going to be quarantine, I ordered a shit ton of vitamin D online.

[644] So I take some every day.

[645] I try and go out in the sun every day because, yeah, I don't want this fucking thing.

[646] I think I had it.

[647] I think I had it in January.

[648] I really did.

[649] I never had a cough like this in my life where I was wheezing.

[650] I could barely breathe.

[651] And the doctors were baffled.

[652] They took chest x -rays.

[653] had it for three weeks but who fucking knows I don't know I got an antibody test and figure it out I thought it had it didn't even feel it that makes sense if there's anybody I could think of that would have it and not be able to feel it it would be you for sure I'm pretty sensitive to that kind of shit congrats by the way on fucking Spotify thank you holy shit I know crazy right so well deserved man thank you god damn damn so I didn't want to forget I didn't want to fucking forget yeah I've been ultra paying attention to my health while this is all going on.

[654] That's one thing that's helped a lot.

[655] You're always paying attention.

[656] Yeah, but really, like I'm in the sauna every day, 25 minutes every day, no excuses.

[657] Like super regular workout routine, super regular with my vitamins, super regular with everything, just being really on the ball.

[658] Because it made me, you can't take your health for granted.

[659] And that's a simple statement that sort of just bounces around a room like a beach ball.

[660] doesn't mean anything this puts it in perspective yes this puts it in perspective there's no doubt about it and in the beginning people were less cunty too i don't know if you noticed yeah because they were really worried they were going to die yeah and so things meant something you know what it reminded me up it was the it was like the week after 9 -11 everyone was real friendly with each other super neighborly and now it's like i go out in traffic people are cutting but it's worse than 9 -11 because after 9 -11 people went back to normal now they're going to go back from all this niceness, they're going to go back to being a cunt, and there's no work.

[661] Yeah.

[662] And then they're angry, you know, and you were saying something important earlier.

[663] He said we could fall into some sort of a class warfare type situation.

[664] Yeah, it is terrifying.

[665] And I don't think it had to be this way.

[666] And I don't think it has to stay this way.

[667] And they're talking about not even opening up L .A. until July 4th, 4th of July weekend.

[668] Like, hey man, like, why?

[669] What's, this is so arbitrary.

[670] And there's no talk whatsoever about strength.

[671] your immune system.

[672] None.

[673] Yeah, what the fuck?

[674] Like, the most important things are just falling by the waist.

[675] Like, I don't understand that.

[676] It's poor government.

[677] It's just poor leadership.

[678] It's poor leadership.

[679] That's what it is.

[680] It's leading, only looking at one perspective, and that's the perspective that enhances fear.

[681] This is wear a mask.

[682] Where are your gloves?

[683] Use hand sanitizer.

[684] Don't touch anything.

[685] Stay apart from each other.

[686] And then the other perspective is, get out in the sun, get your vitamin D, drink lots of water, stop drinking soda.

[687] Check your vitamin levels if you can, but give yourself X amount of vitamin C a day, X amount of D. Take zinc.

[688] Zinc has been shown to have a very positive effect on people that, people with high zinc levels or sufficient zinc levels that have this virus also have a much better outcome.

[689] That's all I take.

[690] Every morning, I take one zinc, one vitamin D, and two airborne.

[691] But you won't hear any of this shit.

[692] No. That's what's so crazy.

[693] I have to look it up.

[694] I mean, people fucking, they should be, yeah, they should be pumping this into our fucking bloodstream via the news, but it's all bullshit.

[695] It's all bullshit.

[696] When Rhonda Patrick was talking about the vitamin D levels in people that are in ICU, it's like, if you were a scientist, you'd be like, hold on, we found it.

[697] Wait a minute.

[698] 86 % of the people in the ICU are deficient in vitamin D, and then 4 % have sufficient levels of vitamin D?

[699] 4%.

[700] That's insane.

[701] It's 80 -something % versus 4%.

[702] You're like, holy fuck.

[703] Holy fuck.

[704] I don't understand where the last.

[705] Dude, it makes zero sense.

[706] It makes zero sense.

[707] I wish that we could open the store tomorrow.

[708] Yes.

[709] Like, we should be able to open the original room at, it start out at 25 % capacity, you know.

[710] Yeah, well, just, what does it usually fit?

[711] 150 people?

[712] 150 people, you know, fucks.

[713] We can space it out.

[714] How about just get everybody to sign a waiver?

[715] Right.

[716] Just sign a fucking waiver.

[717] Let's do this.

[718] I mean.

[719] And if you have a sick mom at home or if you have someone vulnerable in home, Don't go out to these places You're the one who should make the sacrifice Shouldn't be the whole world sacrifice Exactly, but we can't rely on these fucking Assholes so can you take a Tem?

[720] Can you, is that that the Yes, they did it in the restaurant I went to in Texas I went to a real restaurant so we'll just get one of those Fucking forehead temps Aided this Lonesome Dove restaurant In Austin they take a fucking thermostat they put it to your forehead And they read your like you're all good And then you write on this thing have you been in contact with anybody who has COVID, have you had a fever, if you have any cold -like symptoms?

[721] And as long as you're clear on all that stuff, we should be doing that and call it there.

[722] They wear a mask, they stay away from you, I mean mostly, except when you're taking your meal or drop it off your meal.

[723] Because we've already gone over the game plan ad nauseum.

[724] We know exactly how we're going to do it, you know, how to have access to the bathrooms, social distancing in the room, where the comics can enter the stage, so they're not fucking in the thick of it.

[725] Yeah.

[726] We're ready to go.

[727] All we need is the green light.

[728] I don't know.

[729] The problem is they're never going to want to give that green light.

[730] I mean, they're going to have to give the, I think they're going to give the green light, but I'm worried about.

[731] We'll get a percentage green light for one of the rooms.

[732] I really think so.

[733] They're going to let you have half the belly room.

[734] I think, no, I think, which would be there.

[735] 30 people.

[736] I'll take whatever.

[737] I know.

[738] I'll take it too.

[739] I mean, God damn.

[740] I never thought I'd miss that place that much.

[741] yeah do i miss it bad eventually like it got to a point where i'm like i i just want to fucking hide there because everybody wants something and i don't i didn't have shit to give them right right you know yeah and that's a weird position as a talent coordinator for a comedy club where all the best comedians go to yeah it's like everyone who's in town whether it's chappelle or bill burr whoever they're all there they're all there's no spots and then there's the and then there's you and joey dyes and you know everybody else and which Whitney Cummings and all the A plus level comics are there every single night when they're in town.

[742] And they're in town.

[743] Yeah.

[744] And then that leaves you, you know, and then from 11 to 12, that's all the Andrew Santinos and the Eric Griffins and the Fahimian Wars and all these other beasts that aren't filling fucking aren't.

[745] They're still killers.

[746] They're the next one's up, you know.

[747] So if you're some new guy or gal who's coming like the line.

[748] Yeah, that leaves like five spots a night at the end of the lineup.

[749] And you've got 250 comics calling in every week just that fit into that paradigm.

[750] So it's like, sorry, you know, it's nothing personal.

[751] Yeah, there's no club like it.

[752] No club ever been like it either where there's no shortage of people in the audience.

[753] I mean, those years that I, from when I came back to when the pandemic hit, where the craziest years I've ever seen stand -up comedy at that place, by far, like a whole new dimension, like a whole world.

[754] had shifted it's it's been so fucking cool to watch you know and to see that shift there's some comics that are coming up right now though some of the the ones that i passed in the last year or two i'm so excited about like this guy uh brian simpson is i you got to next when we reopen again i'm telling you this guy's a beast he um sigora he opens up for sagora oh nice he's fantastic uh laura Bites, who you know, is fantastic.

[755] Laura's hilarious.

[756] She's hilarious.

[757] Chrysher and I were in the back of the room watching her on stage.

[758] Like, it was like the end of the night.

[759] There's maybe like 20 people or something in the crowd.

[760] And more people were in the crowd by the end of her set than we're there in the beginning because people were coming in because she was slaying.

[761] That's so cool.

[762] Dude, she's killing us.

[763] Yeah.

[764] We had been around all night.

[765] We've been hanging there all night.

[766] It was late, man. Those are always the best sets.

[767] Holtzman closing out the main room when it's like nine people in the audience and 20 comics in the back of the room.

[768] Well, that's where Atkinson used to do the spots.

[769] I mean, they used to say, like, people would come to see him.

[770] They would start showing up at 12 o 'clock.

[771] Yeah, and that's where I would put Brody.

[772] Yeah, yeah.

[773] I still my trunk is still filled with all of his shit.

[774] Really?

[775] What do you got?

[776] I had to clean out his whole apartment.

[777] Do you have his kettlebell?

[778] I might.

[779] You want it?

[780] Yeah.

[781] All right, if I have the kettlebell, I definitely have some drumsticks.

[782] Whatever you want.

[783] We'll go out there afterwards.

[784] We'll have a Brody Garage sale.

[785] We worked together in Tempe, and he was doing cleans and presses in the parking lot.

[786] Stay in fit.

[787] I remember that.

[788] That's when he used to do it, but he's like, you might remember me from the Made for TV, Vladay Divock movie.

[789] Yes.

[790] He was the best.

[791] Push, positive.

[792] You know, we went to Little League together.

[793] Did you really?

[794] I grew up in Tarzana.

[795] He grew up in Tarzana.

[796] Wow.

[797] And he was one of the older students, but yeah, Joe Torrey little baseball camp.

[798] Wow.

[799] Yeah.

[800] I miss that motherfucker every day.

[801] I miss that motherfucker too.

[802] He was another thing about that place, like the special quality of that place.

[803] Like, you weren't going to run into Brody Stevens and any other walk of life.

[804] Like, you had to meet that kind of comedy.

[805] Especially to get to know him, like, the way we got to know Brody.

[806] Yeah.

[807] You know?

[808] Yeah, you take it for granted, you know?

[809] Yeah.

[810] I really do.

[811] Well, you really do.

[812] and you really know you do now.

[813] Like I kind of knew I took it for granted too.

[814] I'd leave that place some nights and I'd be like, how lucky are we that we have this place now?

[815] Because this place never existed.

[816] And for me, it was like, you know, we're talking about the pandemic and coming back from the pandemic.

[817] For me, it was like when I was gone and then I came back, it made me realize like, oh, this is a very valuable thing for your comedy.

[818] Like, you can't just go to like random comedy clubs and just jump in and do sets.

[819] Like having a home base and having a home base filled with like jeselnack and all these fucking assassins.

[820] It's like you just be around murderers just all day long slaying.

[821] And it just makes everybody's level higher.

[822] I felt like the level of comedy that I was experiencing there was higher than I'd ever seen it before.

[823] Like, you know, there was always the murderers like Martin Lawrence and Damon Wayans.

[824] But there was a lot of bullshit in there, a lot of fucking bodacks and a lot of dudes who were doing literally the same act, no bullshit, 25 years.

[825] I know I had to get rid of a lot of them.

[826] There was, dude, it was weird.

[827] Like you would see a guy and you'd not see him for 10, 15 years and you'd see the same act in the same order of verbatim with old like Ronald Reagan as president references and shit and like, whoa.

[828] So that was when I came here in 94.

[829] There was a lot of that going on.

[830] I believe it.

[831] I believe it.

[832] So it was like nothing murderers and then nothing and then the occasional murder.

[833] But it was like, you get one murder or night maybe.

[834] It wasn't nothing like now.

[835] I mean, I'm so fortunate to have the people calling in every week that they could call in because from 9 o 'clock to literally 1215, it's just wall -the -wall killers.

[836] Yeah, we need to get the president involved in this.

[837] Tell him that he'll get the support of all the comedians.

[838] If he just has a federal mandate to open up all comedy clubs, we need it.

[839] It's an essential business.

[840] It really is, though.

[841] It is an essential business.

[842] That's going to do wonders for everybody's mental health, for sure.

[843] Will, and for all the mental patients that do stand -up.

[844] I mean, what are they doing right now?

[845] They're bouncing off the walls.

[846] All these fucking people, they're losing their mind so hard they're doing Zoom comedy.

[847] Dude, somebody talked to them into it.

[848] I'm in my studio apartment.

[849] I'm Jack Torrance over there.

[850] That's like my little Overlook Hotel.

[851] I don't think that's good for you.

[852] You're a very social guy.

[853] I don't think that's a good thing to be locked up like that for two months at a time.

[854] Right.

[855] Yeah, I can't wait to get out.

[856] Just take a chance with the bug.

[857] Just go wander around.

[858] I go on the beach, lick some faces.

[859] You know, I do.

[860] Go to the beach.

[861] You know, I've been talking to Norm McDonald a lot lately.

[862] We're going to, I think we're going to start the podcast up again.

[863] So thank God for that.

[864] Just get tested.

[865] Yeah, we'll get tested.

[866] You can bring him in here and get tested, too.

[867] Yeah.

[868] You know what?

[869] Yeah, we're going to have, I think we would kill for you to be the first guest.

[870] I would love to do it.

[871] I'm 100 % in.

[872] Oh, thank God.

[873] Yeah, we have some good guests lined up.

[874] So now we're just going to figure it out.

[875] Yeah, so you're all set to get tested today, too.

[876] Oh, perfect.

[877] I know you don't have it because you haven't gone anywhere, but you...

[878] Yeah, exactly.

[879] When you sit in your house like that for like all those days at a time, how...

[880] That's got to be so depressing.

[881] It's not great.

[882] It's not great.

[883] It's really not.

[884] It's my...

[885] Yeah, my depression and anxiety is through the fucking roof.

[886] Do you do any kind of exercise video or something?

[887] Yeah, I got a rowing machine, so I do a lot of rowing, and then I go on a long walk.

[888] I go on like a five -mile walk every day.

[889] Oh, that's very good.

[890] that's it yeah but you're by yourself most of the time but i'm by myself in my in my apartment yeah shit that ain't good being by yourself that often is not good no all the single people this is a fucking weird one for single people well it's kind of choose your poison i don't know how i feel like i would fucking want to kill somebody if i was stuck in a in a single room yeah that could happen for sure oh absolutely yeah that can happen for sure it either brings you closer together or it drifts you further apart those those the yeah if you have a strong foundation you truly like each you know what i mean You've already accepted each other for everything, warts and all.

[891] And also you both realize like you're saying you appreciate the store.

[892] You also appreciate your family.

[893] You appreciate your friends.

[894] I appreciate my friends and my family.

[895] And just everybody in my life way more now than I guess I always appreciated them.

[896] But there was like another 10 % bump in all that stuff when the pandemic was happening.

[897] Because like one started happening in the beginning, I was like genuinely.

[898] scared.

[899] I was genuinely thinking this could be something that kills 10 % of the people I know.

[900] I was genuinely thinking like, oh my God, this could be way worse.

[901] China could be lying about how bad it is.

[902] Yeah.

[903] I remember talking to you about it right when you were in that state of mind.

[904] Yeah.

[905] And it was terrifying.

[906] But what made me, it made me think in that state of mind, like I'm so thankful that I have such an amazing group of friends, so thankful that I have an amazing family, so thankful that I have friends that I love, that we can fuck with each other and talk shit to each other.

[907] You know, it's like...

[908] Some of the greatest joys in my day, I'm in a group thread with a bunch of comics.

[909] And those are my favorite moments of the day, just cracking each other up and talking shit.

[910] With Whitney and Nick Swarton and Delia.

[911] It's the most ridiculous thread.

[912] It's been going on for years, man. For years.

[913] I call it the bitch group.

[914] Just bitching about shit.

[915] It's really fun, man. I'm in a great one with Spade and Whitney.

[916] It's just the best.

[917] I think Whitties just in a bunch of group texts all day long talking shit.

[918] It's fun, man. I love her with all of my heart.

[919] Oh, she's a great human being.

[920] She really is a special one.

[921] Very unique.

[922] Swords and two.

[923] Oh, yeah, he's amazing.

[924] And Delete, too.

[925] We're so lucky.

[926] Yeah, we're very, very, very lucky.

[927] There's just a bunch of people that we know that are just some of the most fun people to be around.

[928] Yeah.

[929] And Ari Shafir.

[930] Yeah.

[931] No, I meant.

[932] Yeah.

[933] We're, yeah.

[934] You know, Jerry Sloan just died.

[935] Hopefully he learned his lesson and keeps his fucking mouth shut this time.

[936] You know, Jerry Sloan?

[937] No, who's Jerry Sloan?

[938] The coach of the Utah Jazz.

[939] Don't even mention it to R. He probably doesn't know yet.

[940] He knows now.

[941] That sort of a prank, that prank, the idea of that prank, it's like, okay.

[942] He's just fully committed to be in the wrestling heels all the time.

[943] He loves it.

[944] Dude, I was reading that wrestling might go under.

[945] No. How?

[946] They're saying that wrestling is, they're firing.

[947] wrestlers.

[948] I know they got rid of Kane Velasquez and he only did like one match with them.

[949] They're releasing a bunch of people off their roster and they're hurting apparently because they're not getting any live gate.

[950] You got to think pro wrestling when they tour around the country I mean they're doing hundreds of shows in these giant places.

[951] Imagine the amount of money just from the live gate of all these places and then merch, all that different stuff, all that stuff's cut off.

[952] So they have the same amount of expenses but then through no fault of their own boom profit stop i'm i'm genuinely ignorant about so many things in this world except for maybe music movies and comedy but here's what i don't understand they've made a shit ton of money haven't they yeah but they've been balling they're not saving what are they a boy scout i thought Vince McMahon was like a yeah he's on juice he's 90 started the xfell yeah no i just watched the 30 for 30 on the xFL it was great that guy's doing squats and and and shooting fucking steroids and making billions of dollars.

[953] He doesn't have any time for this nonsense.

[954] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[955] Come on, man. He's an animal.

[956] He's not saving any money.

[957] The guy probably has 50 bucks in the bank.

[958] He probably spends everything he makes.

[959] Probably makes $100 million a year, spends it all like it's going out of style.

[960] He's a fucking animal.

[961] And you look at his business, though, like you've got, I believe, the way they have, you would be able to know this.

[962] The app.

[963] their app, you get everything through the app, right?

[964] Yeah, the WW Network, I think it's what's cool.

[965] Right, so when you sign up, you pay a monthly fee and you get all the events.

[966] There's no pay -per -view, right?

[967] Right, right.

[968] Whereas the UFC, not the case.

[969] The UFC, like, if you get ESPN Plus, you got to pay for ESPN Plus, but when, like, Connor McGregor fights or John Jones fights, you got to pay for that.

[970] Yeah, I found out the hardware.

[971] What was that, like three weeks ago?

[972] Yeah, yeah.

[973] Yeah, that's just how it is, man. Yeah.

[974] That's just how it is.

[975] That's how it, I mean, they don't have the same model.

[976] And a lot of people, like, WW used to have that model.

[977] They used to have, you'd pay for pay -per -views.

[978] They have their regular shows, and they have the big -time pay -per -views.

[979] Yeah, I remember that with, like, SummerSlam and even the WWF days.

[980] Yeah, they used to advertise those all the time on cable.

[981] Mm -hmm.

[982] If you could imagine, though, if, like, Tuesday night, Rochester, or you were, Connor McGregor would just fight a championship fight, and then you see him again on Saturday.

[983] on a paper review.

[984] That's a good point.

[985] Well, you heard what Rhonda Rousey said about that.

[986] You know, and she was like, you fucking dorks.

[987] Listen, this is fake fighting, and they do it 200 times a year.

[988] She goes, you know what happened if you fought 200 times a year?

[989] You'd be dead.

[990] I can't even know.

[991] She's a star in the WWE.

[992] At the end of the day, she was like the original, great, famous women's mixed martial arts fighter.

[993] She's not taking your nonsense.

[994] She's not listening to that stupid shit.

[995] Shut the fuck up.

[996] You know, I mean, she got knocked out by Cyborg and Amanda Nunes, or not, excuse, not Cyborg, by Amanda Nunes and Hollyholm, back to back.

[997] The idea that she's going to listen to some fucking wrestling dork, give her shit.

[998] That business, though, what I was going to say is, I think.

[999] Austin?

[1000] Because of the app, the WW.

[1001] Oh, right.

[1002] Because of the app, the way they have it set up, they don't have the live gate anymore.

[1003] So all that money from those, they do these giant arenas.

[1004] They're selling out, right?

[1005] Like crazy all over the country.

[1006] 200 plus a year.

[1007] All that money's gone.

[1008] They can't just hit the fucking pause button.

[1009] No, Vince McMahon's got pills, son.

[1010] He's got 80 jets, fucking 100 houses.

[1011] He's got no time.

[1012] He's just, I don't know.

[1013] I don't know what they do.

[1014] I mean, I think when the business drops, you got to act accordingly, I guess.

[1015] Even when the business comes back, they'll rehire people.

[1016] It's a hard time for everybody, man. But the people that I feel the most for are people who are dying and people who lost people.

[1017] But next, people who are losing their business and their family's falling apart because of this.

[1018] And they're through no fault of their own.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] And then the employees that are just forced to go out of work.

[1021] And how do they have to go in food?

[1022] Like, I don't understand how they're supposed to just quarantine for months with no money.

[1023] And again, no talk at all.

[1024] $1 ,200.

[1025] And no talk at all about health, taking care of your health.

[1026] No talk.

[1027] That's just shocking.

[1028] No talk.

[1029] Yeah, that should be number one, two, and three on the list.

[1030] Yeah.

[1031] I mean, it's fucking, it's crazy.

[1032] What is going on?

[1033] I wonder if other countries, I'd be fascinated to see how they're handling this in other countries on their news over there.

[1034] Well, some countries aren't handling it badly at all.

[1035] Like, some countries are, like, Germany had a crazy low death rate.

[1036] Right.

[1037] There's a bunch of countries that are really low death rates.

[1038] I wonder if they're focused on that.

[1039] I wonder if on their news programs, they're focused on, here's what you need to do to protect yourself.

[1040] A lot of vitamin D. Take this.

[1041] Do this.

[1042] Get in the sun.

[1043] I think it's probably their health care system and it's probably their diet.

[1044] You know, there's a real issue in this country with sugar.

[1045] And that's a giant part of what's happening here.

[1046] When you talk about people that are getting diabetes and, you know, people that are overweight, those are two big factors in this disease.

[1047] Right.

[1048] And they're both connected, not the genetic form of diabetes, but type two is connected to sugar consumption.

[1049] Right.

[1050] It's directly connected.

[1051] it to your diet you know you could all look at ask Dean Del Rey Dean Del Rey had fucking diabetes when he was eating sugar all day he was doing jamba juice once a day yeah it was eating candy yeah he realized it when they gave him that wake -up call that diabetes wake -up call yeah that's a hell of a wake -up call but now you look at him he's healthy and fit he looks better than he ever has yeah lost a ton of weight and he said he feels so good he looks killer looks great yeah and now like his Instagram posts like you'll see quite a few of them Every now and then, it'll talk about sugar and what he used to look like.

[1052] He'll put up Fat Dean pictures to remind everybody, yeah, like Fat Dean Tuesday.

[1053] Dude, I got Fat Adam.

[1054] I got Fat Adam photos.

[1055] Oh, no. That's right.

[1056] You showed me those.

[1057] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1058] Those are solid.

[1059] That's right.

[1060] I didn't know you then.

[1061] You weren't fat on you.

[1062] No, I was chubby at the improv.

[1063] When was that?

[1064] I'm not judging.

[1065] I'm not judging.

[1066] I didn't even notice.

[1067] No, you probably did know me when I was Fatim.

[1068] Those were good days.

[1069] Maybe a little bit.

[1070] Yeah.

[1071] I let it go.

[1072] Yeah, good.

[1073] Thank you.

[1074] I appreciate that.

[1075] But Dean.

[1076] He's a perfect example.

[1077] I mean, he had all sorts of health problems because of that sugar consumption.

[1078] Look at there's Fat Dean with his name.

[1079] Oh, yeah.

[1080] He got his name on the store at the wall.

[1081] I remember that.

[1082] Look at that Fat Dean Tuesday.

[1083] He did.

[1084] He looks like Bobby Hill.

[1085] He used to do a bit about that.

[1086] Wow.

[1087] That's crazy how fat he was.

[1088] God damn.

[1089] And now he's healthy and young.

[1090] Yeah, sugar's a killer, man. It's a killer.

[1091] He's getting younger.

[1092] He looks younger.

[1093] He does look way younger now.

[1094] Way younger.

[1095] It looks healthier.

[1096] He looks so much better.

[1097] and uh that's my problem i eat too much ice cream again we're not hearing any of this stuff from people we're not hearing any of the stuff from fouchy or all these health experts we're not hearing any of it no it's crazy you're just hearing inject yourself with fucking chlorox and if you talk to people like well you don't want to shame people for you know for having a poor diet or for being overweight like okay do you care if people die or not yeah what do you care about do you is it hurting people's feelings or saving their lives?

[1098] Everything's asked backwards now.

[1099] Everyone's too sensitive.

[1100] They're worried about people's feelings too much.

[1101] It's going to be real weird when we come back to doing comedy and you hear all the COVID jokes.

[1102] It's going to be the audience going to be exhausted.

[1103] That's going to be the new airplane food.

[1104] I'm avoiding them.

[1105] I'm not writing anything about it.

[1106] Yeah.

[1107] Who's going to build the wall?

[1108] It's going to be the new fucking, yeah.

[1109] We get it.

[1110] But wait, fuck.

[1111] You're sure there's no weed in this?

[1112] 100 % You probably get contact Tides from being in the room No there was something specific I was going to ask you You had like 30 days How many days?

[1113] 90 days off 90 days Yeah I got sober on March 1st You can't be in a room With something like me When I'm smoking weed That's what I was going to ask you Is do you think It's probably catching you No no I don't think so Contact Social distance from weed smoke Do you think all the PC bullshit And the social justice warrior shit is going to be tempered after we...

[1114] No. No, I think it was tempered because of the real danger.

[1115] I think the real threat and the real fear tempered it.

[1116] And now that that's gone away, the real fear is going to give way to a new level of anger because of this level of despair.

[1117] People are going to be experiencing financially over the next few months.

[1118] So there's going to be a heightened.

[1119] It's almost going to be a slingshot effect.

[1120] Like people got less conti and they're going to get more conti and more self -righteous.

[1121] Yeah, more self -righteous, more people chastising, criticizing people.

[1122] And on Twitter, you really see it because people are literally forced to be at home.

[1123] So if you're forced to be at home and you don't have the discipline to stay off Twitter and you happen to comment something and someone comments on your comment and then you start talking shit to each other, that's your day.

[1124] Not only is that your day, but you're going to be crazy.

[1125] Like you're going to be thinking about it in the middle of the night.

[1126] What the fuck did they write?

[1127] You get up to pee, I'm not going to check my phone.

[1128] Let me check my phone.

[1129] Fuck.

[1130] And they said something's pretty good.

[1131] You're like, God damn it, now I've got to come up with something to say back.

[1132] So you start Googling statistics.

[1133] Yeah, man. I mean, this is what a lot of people are doing.

[1134] It's making people sicker and sicker.

[1135] I have almost completely avoided Twitter.

[1136] Other than I'll check my DMs occasionally.

[1137] And occasionally I'll check what other people have posted that I'm friends with or that I follow.

[1138] Check a little bit.

[1139] But I might give it five minutes a day.

[1140] I deleted my Twitter icon about a year ago.

[1141] And then I just reinstalled it maybe about a week.

[1142] or two ago and I'm already starting to see like what am I doing why am I even looking it's just getting me pissed off it's just too many people are angry yeah it's just too many about nonsense well maybe it's not it's to them it's important right it's like when you post it it's important but when you're dealing with whatever the fuck it is a hundred million people that are on Twitter or more probably more that are posting on a regular basis and then most of what they want to say is angry.

[1143] Most of what they have to want to say is negative.

[1144] Most of it's complaining.

[1145] It might be like 60 % complaining.

[1146] Yeah.

[1147] So when you tune into that, like you're getting all the problems of all these people.

[1148] It's just too many people.

[1149] You're supposed to deal with the problems of the people that are around you.

[1150] So if there's like 10 people around you and Tommy's got a problem, what's wrong with Tommy?

[1151] Let's go talk to Tommy.

[1152] It's not supposed to be 10 million people.

[1153] Right.

[1154] And then there's hundreds of thousands of Tommy just flooding your fucking, your feed with bullshit.

[1155] Nonsense.

[1156] My fucking girls lying about this.

[1157] And they say we can't vote in November.

[1158] Fuck that.

[1159] I say we sue.

[1160] And whoa, all this craziness.

[1161] And it's like you just deal with the worst aspects of everyone's day or everyone's thoughts or everyone's opinions.

[1162] You're just dealing with all this negativity.

[1163] And it's so rare that, and it's really very much appreciated when you do find it, like a really well -structured conversation or disagreement about something where people don't get shitty at all.

[1164] I was like, wow, that's beautiful.

[1165] That's pleasant to see.

[1166] Or there's people that want to docks people because, you know, they, you know, they don't like this politician that they support.

[1167] Or they don't like, they want you to not have to wear a mask.

[1168] People want to docks you.

[1169] Like there's so many people that are so fucking angry and weird online.

[1170] And then you add this pandemic to it.

[1171] And you just got this boiling pot of shitty thinking and anger and meanness, just mean.

[1172] Yeah, there's a lot of that.

[1173] Where's the love?

[1174] Yeah.

[1175] the love where's the camaraderie where's the hugs isn't that the best part of your day when you rather be friends with people like i know you can you can have disagreements and not be shitty it's possible and that's what i loved about the comedy stores people that you know didn't disagree but they fucking you know they're they're they're still the camaraderie and they're they're at the end of the day they're in the same boat like they love you pretty much and yeah there's just a there's a lack of uh conservative comedians i would say if there's anything that's odd yeah that is that is I think that's very true.

[1176] There's a few, you know, that you know of, but it's pretty, it's pretty rare.

[1177] I think there's probably more than we know that they're just, just not on stage, they're, they're avoiding it.

[1178] Maybe.

[1179] Yeah, maybe.

[1180] In acting, it's like fucking 99 % or something.

[1181] It's crazy.

[1182] Yeah.

[1183] Which makes me think that can't be real.

[1184] It makes me think that it's probably a lot of his people shaping their opinions so that they're more accepted in, loved by the community that they've chosen to try to excel in.

[1185] All business decisions.

[1186] I remember I had this conversation with this dude once.

[1187] I was on a TV set when I first started acting.

[1188] In news radio?

[1189] Yeah, no, before that.

[1190] Hardball.

[1191] Oh, okay.

[1192] This is early in my acting career.

[1193] Okay.

[1194] I was quite crazy.

[1195] And I was talking to this dude about a movie.

[1196] Actually, it might have been news radio days.

[1197] Because I think that's when this movie came out.

[1198] It was as good as it gets.

[1199] Sure, with Jack Nicholson.

[1200] Which I thought was the most fucking depressing movie.

[1201] I'm like, here's this lady, and she's so nice, and she keeps accepting this guy for fucking up over and over again.

[1202] And then the end, the solution is he takes a pill, and the pill keeps him for being an asshole?

[1203] Like, what?

[1204] There's no pill for that?

[1205] Like, that's so crazy.

[1206] He's an asshole.

[1207] He's a fucking asshole.

[1208] And we're just a pill.

[1209] We're supposed to think, oh, no, no, no, he just needed a pill.

[1210] See, once he gets this non -asshole, a medium inside of his body, it cancels out all the assholeishness, and he's actually a good guy.

[1211] So she found a good guy.

[1212] No, his poor lady was a single mom who was living with this fucking mean piece of shit, and a pill fixed it, and I was like, that movie depressed the fuck out of me. And I was talking to his actor, and he goes, actually, I think he had a lot to offer her.

[1213] I go, what?

[1214] because it was a popular movie he was like spouting it was a terrible movie I go if that lady was your sister wouldn't you want to grab him go Helen come on you're awesome this guy's so mean he's always mean he says racist shit he's mean he's cracking jokes he was yelling at people he did a lot of weird shit right he said he was a writer right they said how do you write women so well I think of a regular woman and they take away reasoning accountability well it's not just that it was No, he was misogynist.

[1215] He was an asshole.

[1216] Always a dick.

[1217] But there was no nice.

[1218] No, he had no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

[1219] He had crippling OCD.

[1220] Yeah, there was, I haven't seen it in many years, but yeah.

[1221] Didn't make any sense.

[1222] I'm like, oh, I was depressing.

[1223] I go, look, it's a work of art, right?

[1224] It doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy.

[1225] But it made me feel bad.

[1226] But he was like sticking up for the relationship.

[1227] Oh, that does.

[1228] I was like, what the fucking are you talking about?

[1229] Yeah, that's insane.

[1230] But I realized in the middle of the conversation, I'm like, oh, people do shit like that.

[1231] because they think they're supposed to like a movie.

[1232] Oh, God, yes.

[1233] Of course that's what he was doing.

[1234] Oh, it was 100%.

[1235] Yes, definitely.

[1236] Because I was, look, I was dumb.

[1237] I mean, I'm dumb now, but back then I was, I was like four years removed from fighting.

[1238] If you're fucking dumb now, then I'm fucked.

[1239] I was much dumber them.

[1240] But it was, my instincts were always to challenge people on things.

[1241] Like, what?

[1242] What are you saying?

[1243] Love that.

[1244] I wanted to find out why he could ever possibly think that that was a good idea.

[1245] for that lady to date that fucking asshole that mean guy who just needed a pill right that's the craziest movie I remember that I remember when the English patient came out and everybody was all over was like this is the best thing ever and I was like that movie fucking sucked but I wouldn't today if it came out today I would have no problem being like no you're wrong that movie bored the shit out of me it was weird but my point was not that you know it was a good movie or a bad movie he was achieving for the relationship to he was just This is what my point was.

[1246] I could tell he wasn't really saying it because he thought it.

[1247] He was saying it because he thought it was the thing that he should say.

[1248] And in talking to this guy, I found this like, it was like one of those fake houses where they film a TV show where there's nothing behind it.

[1249] It's propped up on sticks.

[1250] And I'm looking at this guy and it's like, I look behind the sign.

[1251] I was like, you're a fake personality.

[1252] You didn't even have a real personality.

[1253] Like, who are you?

[1254] Like, you're a fucking weirdo.

[1255] And this is one way you could tell these people.

[1256] They would always say, good to see you, even if they just met you.

[1257] They'd say, good to see you.

[1258] It was like you're in a cult.

[1259] Like, you're saying the things that everyone says, and bless be with you, and bless be with you, brother.

[1260] Like, you pass each other in the hallway.

[1261] Good to see you.

[1262] Good to see.

[1263] And everybody was full of shit.

[1264] Like, this is the most disingenuous, good to see you.

[1265] Instead of saying, hey, what's up.

[1266] That's such a perfect analogy.

[1267] That is, because I was in a cult.

[1268] I know what it's like to fucking experience that.

[1269] Yes, that's why I'm bringing this up.

[1270] I want to get to that.

[1271] I know your cult story.

[1272] So that is 99 % of the industry, man. That's why it's such a sad place.

[1273] That's why it's so sad.

[1274] So lonely.

[1275] And you get all that attention.

[1276] And believe me, that's what I wanted.

[1277] That's why I came here.

[1278] I mean, I just figured out along the way what was wrong.

[1279] I figured out along the way like, oh, this is a bad motivation.

[1280] This is not a good motivation.

[1281] like but the best this is not going to fix you you have to fix you and then treat what you're doing as an art form and enjoy it instead of treat what you're doing as like a method of extracting attention because that's the difference between someone who's an artist right like a Gary Clark Jr versus someone who's just doing a lot of dumb shit to try to get attention and doesn't really have any thought to it I know exactly what you mean and there were a lot of comics that were like that at the comedy store that were doing it just to get women and and they were they didn't have any real love for the art form right they just wanted to be famous they weren't working on their craft they had the same set like you talked about earlier that they've been doing for a decade and they were just doing it to try and get women they're trying to get they wanted to get famous yeah it's just you you got us somewhere along the line fix what's wrong with you and you can do that and keep like growing as a person and keep just fixing what's wrong wrong with you and concentrate on positive things that are about this thing.

[1282] There's a way to be healthy and still approach it.

[1283] And the way to be healthy and approach is approach it as an art form.

[1284] Don't approach it as a method for getting you attention.

[1285] And the problem is it's like set up to chase the attention.

[1286] It's set up to chase the sitcom role or the record that you put out or the, you know, whatever the big thing is that a movie that you get into, the big thing it's supposed to elevate you and define you.

[1287] You know, and instead of that, I think if you can, as you're evolving as an artist, reach a point where you're just trying to do your best work.

[1288] And that must feel so fucking good to reach that point.

[1289] You're never really there.

[1290] But to be adjacent at least.

[1291] You're chasing it always.

[1292] You're like right, you're running right alongside it, but you can never jump on its back.

[1293] If you're adjacent to that.

[1294] You just keep trying.

[1295] You know, it's really a numbers thing in a lot of ways and an attention thing and a focus thing.

[1296] You know, people want to say it's a talent thing.

[1297] Talent is a weird thing.

[1298] It's like a lot of like for stand -up, you've developed a personality long before you ever thought that it was an asset in a career.

[1299] Like you just, Joey Diaz was just a personality.

[1300] Right, right.

[1301] You know what I'm saying?

[1302] But like if you are a regular guy who like works in an accounting office and you go like that's...

[1303] You imagine Joey Diaz in an accounting office?

[1304] No, impossible.

[1305] But if you were like a real calm guy who's like, I've always enjoyed stand -up comedy, I want to give it a try.

[1306] And you go to like these open mic nights and the weeknets and you meet that savage.

[1307] You're like, oh my God, that guy's a real person.

[1308] Like this guy exists too?

[1309] Like I got to quit now.

[1310] You know, like he's that's a different, like that advantage.

[1311] He's like done some cross -training.

[1312] Like getting arrested and kidnapping people and all the coke he did.

[1313] Some solid cross -training.

[1314] He did like comedy cross -training.

[1315] Like, Joey Diaz, like, he'll have such a massive advantage over any Normie.

[1316] Yeah.

[1317] Like, even if a normie's got really good jokes, like, he's just...

[1318] Joey's lived in it.

[1319] That personality element is something you can't teach.

[1320] Right.

[1321] You know, you've got to figure that one out.

[1322] That's, I think that's one of the most important things in stand -up is authenticity.

[1323] To me, I feel like that's a huge thing.

[1324] Yeah.

[1325] I feel like it's hypnotism.

[1326] I really do.

[1327] I could see that.

[1328] Yeah, I always had this idea before I was ever hypnotized.

[1329] friend Vinnie Shoreman, he's a hypnotist.

[1330] He hypnotizes fighters and he hypnotizes people and gets them to work on their game plan, their mindset, and it's a very strange state.

[1331] I did it once.

[1332] Very strange state.

[1333] It's very strange.

[1334] Wow.

[1335] Yeah, you're there.

[1336] Like, you're aware that it's happening.

[1337] It's not like, you know, like, I've seen hypnotism shows.

[1338] There was a guy in Rhode Island named Frank Santos.

[1339] He was a comedy hypnotist, and he would do these gigs in Boston.

[1340] He was amazing.

[1341] Yeah, we had a couple that came through Tempe every year.

[1342] Some of them are good, right?

[1343] Sure.

[1344] Some of those guys, and it's certain, there's a certain level of dummy that you can just, that dummy will be convinced he's in Game with Thrones riding a dragon.

[1345] There's a certain level of dummy.

[1346] And it really, look, for me as a person who's met people like John Carmack, who is the lead programmer of Id Games, who created Doom and Quake and super, super genius, right?

[1347] Like, Elon, of course, like meeting someone like him, super, super genius.

[1348] And then knowing how dumb some of my friends are.

[1349] And I'm like, hmm, and I'm dumb too.

[1350] But it's like, I'm around him and I'm like, okay, there is, I don't think, I wonder, what is life like to that guy?

[1351] I guarantee you he's not looking at shit the way I'm looking at it.

[1352] You know, he's looking at it.

[1353] He's like looking into the Matrix.

[1354] Yeah.

[1355] And I think there's levels lower than us.

[1356] And you get to this level where you can talk a guy into thinking he's having sex with Christy Teagan.

[1357] He'll really believe that him and Kim Kardashian are having sex.

[1358] You can convince those people, and they even come in their pants.

[1359] This guy, Frank Santos, used to make guys nut in their pants.

[1360] Shut the fuck up.

[1361] No, no, 100%.

[1362] What are you talking about?

[1363] Get it out.

[1364] I'm not kidding, man. First of all, the guy was a wizard.

[1365] What's his number?

[1366] Well, he's dead, unfortunately, rest of soul.

[1367] But his son is doing stand -up, and his son is doing hypnotism shows.

[1368] Son is the same name.

[1369] but anyway he was uh he would have this show weekly at stitches stitches was a big comedy club in boston and all the comics like fit simmons and me we would go to the back of the room and watch the frank santo's show all the time i was dating a waitress there at the time and i would so i'd be there all the time so we even if i didn't have a set we'd come down and watch frank santo's show because it was so ridiculous those were always my favorite shows to watch too except for obviously the greatest comics that would come through but yeah those were always a fun show they were ridiculous like when When he gets people to do things and tells them, you're on a bus, and the bus is about to go off the cliff and into the ocean, and you don't know how to swim.

[1370] My favorite were the midnight.

[1371] The midnight ones where it was the dirty one, they would always do the dirty show.

[1372] One time I saw, it was a couple, and this guy, he convinced this girl she was in a porno.

[1373] And they gave her a banana, and she started deep -throating the banana, and the whole crowd was going insane.

[1374] And then they got in, like, sadly, he beat her up in the parking lot.

[1375] But, but yeah, yeah, it wasn't.

[1376] It wasn't a great ending.

[1377] But, yeah, but those shows were always wild.

[1378] The guy, not the hypnotist, her boyfriend.

[1379] Oh, the boyfriend because he was in the audio.

[1380] Oh, no. Yeah, because he was with her.

[1381] Oh, no. So it wasn't his fault, but we, that was the last time, but that was the last time we did the midnight hypnotist show.

[1382] But what you do on here.

[1383] You can't get mad at a woman for expressing her inner homes.

[1384] Yeah, of course not.

[1385] You just got to respect it.

[1386] There's really, who she really is.

[1387] You sort of, you do hypnosis here with this.

[1388] I was terrified.

[1389] I was really nervous coming in here.

[1390] I've been thinking about it ever since you invited me. I'm like, I'm going to puke all over the studio.

[1391] It makes me, I lost so much sleep over it.

[1392] But you put people at eat, like you're, you, you, like I've seen it with Stern and now with you, where I don't know what it is.

[1393] You're like, you do hypnosis almost.

[1394] You put everyone at ease.

[1395] No, Adam, we're actually friends.

[1396] I know that, I know that.

[1397] If we were at dinner, we would.

[1398] talk like this.

[1399] Yeah, but you have a large audience, like, it's different, man. Yeah, but you got to not think about that.

[1400] All right, yeah, fair enough.

[1401] That's the thing.

[1402] If you think about that, that fucks your head up.

[1403] Right, right, right.

[1404] Don't think about that.

[1405] Okay.

[1406] Just think about the fact that this is how we would talk, no matter what.

[1407] This is true.

[1408] Right, if we were hanging out in the back bar, the comedy store, and you and me just hanging out in the back there, we have talked just like this.

[1409] Thank God.

[1410] Thank God for Eric creating that back bar.

[1411] You know, that back bar is the best part of the comedy club.

[1412] It's amazing and it has the bar that's actually from Mitzie Shore's house.

[1413] I love that.

[1414] How cool is that?

[1415] It's crazy.

[1416] Yeah, that bar's perfect.

[1417] It's my one little place to go for solace.

[1418] Yeah, it's a sweet spot when it doesn't get overrun.

[1419] Sometimes it's overrun.

[1420] I bring that up on a weekly basis.

[1421] We got to figure that'll be number one on the agenda once we reopen.

[1422] People get back there.

[1423] They're not even comedians.

[1424] I know.

[1425] It's a nightmare.

[1426] What is this?

[1427] I almost prefer them to the open micers.

[1428] Yeah, well.

[1429] Because then they're like asking, bugging people to be on their podcast.

[1430] exactly the open micers are tricky because you know they all me included like I said about Ari we all started as open micers are is basically I think just starting to do sets like paid sets probably when he got here I wonder when he first started getting paid but I started taking him on the road with me 2004 five something like that he was a couple years into his career and he was uh you know coming up from being a door guy guy getting fairly regular spots, and he just kept getting better and working at it.

[1431] So that day that he was doing his specials, like, I have to be there.

[1432] I have to.

[1433] I have to.

[1434] Right.

[1435] I'm like, even if I have to fight, like, all of my horrible instincts to run away and fucking just, I had to.

[1436] Thank God you fucking did.

[1437] And thank God they allowed, allowed him to film that special in the O .R. because they at first it took a lot of it took a lot of convincing when I pulled into the parking lot that Tuesday night the night before it special I was nervous like nervous to be driving in the back parking lot Yeah you took seven years off I know it was weird it's like going back to your old high school or something I don't know I can't imagine what that was like going back home from from a long long time away What dude's contact time You can't be in this room.

[1438] You're 90 days.

[1439] It's like if you went, yeah, if you hadn't returned home for many years.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] I'm worried that we're going to lose clubs, you know?

[1442] Yeah.

[1443] I'm worried we're going to lose restaurants.

[1444] I'm worried we're going to lose clubs.

[1445] I'm worried we're going to lose everything.

[1446] Yeah, it's terrifying.

[1447] I try not to think about it.

[1448] But I think the comedy store is going to, thank God.

[1449] I think that the commie store will be okay.

[1450] I don't know, man. I just don't fucking know.

[1451] Yeah, I don't know either.

[1452] They don't let us back in soon.

[1453] Because it's not even June.

[1454] You know, they're talking about July 4th.

[1455] Like, what is it going to happen over the next month?

[1456] I don't know.

[1457] Yeah, we got to open.

[1458] I can't.

[1459] I can't anymore.

[1460] I'm nervous about the way it's going to reboot.

[1461] Like, what's going to happen?

[1462] What's it going to be like?

[1463] You mean, in terms of the capacity?

[1464] In terms of what?

[1465] What's going to, society?

[1466] Oh, yeah, just society.

[1467] Oh, I don't fucking know.

[1468] Like, it's, the streets are so empty right now.

[1469] They're ominous.

[1470] And there's this, like, ominous feeling when you're driving around of, like, this is just the beginnings of a volcano.

[1471] Like, that's what it feels like.

[1472] Look, eventually, it seems like they're going to have a vaccine for sure.

[1473] I know nothing's definite.

[1474] What are you, doctor?

[1475] No, I don't know.

[1476] It sounds like they had some progress and some very positive, okay.

[1477] I don't know.

[1478] I mean, if it was ready, they would give it to us, right?

[1479] No, yeah, it's definitely not ready.

[1480] And there's talk about it.

[1481] There's also talk about something.

[1482] Find out what the fucking M -R -N -A viruses.

[1483] We were talking about this with Pac -Man, right?

[1484] Oh, fuck me. Do I even want to know?

[1485] This is a new kind of a...

[1486] Not virus, excuse me, vaccine.

[1487] M -R -N -A vaccine.

[1488] So this is some shit that Alex Jones told me about, and he said it's something that we all have to be very concerned with.

[1489] I just Googled it.

[1490] What do you?

[1491] Which one should I go?

[1492] So it's something that it's a vaccine that's going to be able to, it's like uses your own body to create proteins, right?

[1493] Isn't that how it works?

[1494] Something along those lines.

[1495] I know I'm butchering this.

[1496] But instead of like having a, here does it say?

[1497] Okay, scientists produce a synthetic version of the mRNA that a virus uses to build its infectious proteins.

[1498] Click on that?

[1499] Yeah, see, I'm clearly butchering it, but that's the, the idea of it is that it makes your body produce something that protects you from the virus.

[1500] Maybe it turns us all into fucking Spider -Man.

[1501] Right?

[1502] I'm in.

[1503] I mean, yeah, I'm fucking in.

[1504] When does one of these things not kill us but turn us into gods?

[1505] It turns us into superheroes.

[1506] When do we get to be Dr. Manhattan?

[1507] Exactly.

[1508] I love it.

[1509] You obviously, you want to be Dr. Manhattan.

[1510] Fuck yeah.

[1511] I want to live on Mars.

[1512] and not give a fuck and travel through the universe and have no emotions and be blue and jacked i was gonna say like because out of all the superheroes that's the one that you would resemble the most currently well he's the only superhero if you're going to be a superhero everyone else is basically like a person with some extra extra things they do he's a god dr manhattan is like a he's like one level below a god who was fucking galactic what was galactica or galacticus i don't know man he was like a planet I don't fucking know.

[1513] All those superhero movies, man, people who don't enjoy those superhero movies lose my number.

[1514] Yeah, how could you be that sad?

[1515] I don't love all of them, but most of them.

[1516] There's a lot of good ones, man. Yeah, they're fun.

[1517] Here's Galactus.

[1518] Galactus.

[1519] Galactus.

[1520] Originally Galan, before its transformation.

[1521] Oh, you had a transformation and turned into something.

[1522] The single survivor of the universe preceding the Big Bang of the main universe of the Marvel Comics, universe what with these traits and his appointment of powerful beings as his heralds formerly the silver surfer oh he used to run the silver surfer okay that's right okay that's right I just remember him being a big foot look he's he's holding a fucking planet he's going to be the next guy that they fight when they probably start up the movies oh no way really I'm making a guess oh okay they're bringing it back well bro they should bring back the silver surfer man i fucking love the silver surfer when i was a kid they did it once but it was kind of weird fantastic four those were those weren't yeah there was one silver surfer movie though wasn't there i think it was i thought it was the fantastic four i think it was a fantastic four silver surfer i think there was a so an actual silver surfer the rise of the silver surfer fantastic four 2007 oh so it was a specific episode of the fantastic four the rise the silver surfer He was a sequel to that first with Chris Evans when he was in Captain America.

[1523] He was in a fantastic project show.

[1524] They got to keep everybody together.

[1525] Can't let the Silver Surfer have his own shit?

[1526] Can't let the Silver Surfer.

[1527] Have some fun.

[1528] Michael Chickles was the thing.

[1529] See, but see, there's four.

[1530] Four people.

[1531] Silver Surfer's five, motherfucker.

[1532] Give him his own show.

[1533] Yeah.

[1534] Silver Surfer was so dope.

[1535] Oh, he was dope as fuck.

[1536] Yeah.

[1537] Yeah, Michael Chickles.

[1538] Is that Captain America?

[1539] Yeah, he was in this.

[1540] What was he?

[1541] What was he?

[1542] Is he?

[1543] Oh, he's the flame?

[1544] Yeah, he's one of those.

[1545] No shit.

[1546] Who the fuck is Mr. Fantastic?

[1547] Michael Chickles was a good thing, too.

[1548] You ever watched that guy, that cop show, that guy was it?

[1549] No, no, no, I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1550] The Shield?

[1551] The Shield.

[1552] The Shield was great.

[1553] Shield was excellent.

[1554] Yeah.

[1555] That was an excellent cop show.

[1556] That was a really good cop show, like really good.

[1557] I think it was.

[1558] Like, complicated.

[1559] Burracher's on an episode of that.

[1560] Is he?

[1561] Oh, no way.

[1562] He's jerking off on people?

[1563] Of course he is.

[1564] All right, good for him.

[1565] That sounds right.

[1566] It sounds like what do you get arrested for.

[1567] Yeah, those movies are fun, man Like now more than ever When shit gets really hard That's when people want escapism That's when something like a comic book movie's the most fun I went through and I just started watching all the ones I missed Because I missed a few Bird Kreischer in the shield here it is Oh no way Look at he's beaten off in the alleyway Oh fucking burnt And they're gonna arrest him for that?

[1568] Was he beating off in someone's window?

[1569] Is he peep in Tom?

[1570] Oh, that's hilarious Is that a funny thing that they get you for?

[1571] Oh, they got a cough on the house, sir.

[1572] Look how easy gave up.

[1573] Oh, that's hilarious.

[1574] Didn't even try to punch that cop.

[1575] One cop.

[1576] So disrespectful.

[1577] That's outstanding.

[1578] I love it.

[1579] Silly Bert.

[1580] Is that who he was looking at that guy fucking?

[1581] I guess.

[1582] I don't know.

[1583] Oh, maybe both of them.

[1584] Oh, why are you going to make her stick around?

[1585] They're going to make him address her with his hands cuffed behind his back.

[1586] And look, they don't even put their clothes on.

[1587] They're like, we're going to go back to fucking real quick.

[1588] so what do you have to do here look at her she doesn't even have clothes on the TV show it's hilarious but do you imagine like you have to answer the door so quickly you can't even put your clothes on you just hold a t -shirt over your tits super normal everybody does that when there's a whole group of people outside your door you say hold on I need to get dressed and you can fucking get dressed that lady's an animal see her she's got a talent she doesn't even want to tie it on she's like I'm going to let this go because I'm going to fuck soon Right?

[1589] That's what she looked like Once you gotta go down at the station You gotta put your clothes like She's not going anywhere She didn't have time for that shit She's not gonna press charges No, you could see it in her eyes Get out of here, you creep That's a weird one though right Like peeping into people's windows is illegal But they're glass That's true You look right in there Seems weird Burt took it a little too far maybe For sure he was beaten off Yeah But, like, if you have a window that's facing an alley and someone walks in that alley and they stare in your window, who's the asshole?

[1590] Yeah, that's a good point.

[1591] I think there's a time limit maybe.

[1592] Right?

[1593] Yeah.

[1594] You should count 10 Mississippi.

[1595] I don't even get the fuck out of there.

[1596] Probably five Mississippi.

[1597] Weirden those people out.

[1598] Yeah, what rear window is, that movie, the Hitchcock movie?

[1599] Yeah, it was a fucking great movie.

[1600] Yeah.

[1601] God.

[1602] Oh, yeah.

[1603] That's right.

[1604] He spent the whole fucking movie staring into that guy's apartment with binoculars across the way.

[1605] God, I barely remember that one.

[1606] It's way before my time.

[1607] You know what I barely remembered?

[1608] Five, I think.

[1609] I barely remembered.

[1610] I watched a little bit of it recently, a psycho.

[1611] It's great.

[1612] I mean, the beginning's great, especially.

[1613] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1614] That's all I watched.

[1615] I just watched the shower scene.

[1616] Fair enough.

[1617] Okay.

[1618] He puts the wig on, stabs a chick, spoiled alerts from 1940.

[1619] But it's so.

[1620] Was that what it was?

[1621] I think so.

[1622] Yeah.

[1623] Whatever was, it was such an, it was so different than any movie you'd ever see today.

[1624] Yeah.

[1625] It's like it was so, just the pacing and the suspense.

[1626] Love it.

[1627] It's just different.

[1628] It's, uh, I used to watch all the old, like, it's like Twilight Zone or the old Hitchcock, or Alfred Hitchcock presents around the same time.

[1629] Women back then.

[1630] He actually, uh, with Janet Lee, he made sure that it was ice cold water so that the scream, Like he would turn it to make sure that the water was ice cold right when she was getting stabbed.

[1631] So those screams are like actual fucking primal screams.

[1632] Oh, wow.

[1633] That sounds like very hitchcockian.

[1634] But dude, this was such a crazy thing.

[1635] A naked lady washing herself off.

[1636] Look at her in ecstasy.

[1637] This was like erotica.

[1638] Yeah.

[1639] And then there's two different like a shot.

[1640] This is why it's so scary.

[1641] Groundbreaking.

[1642] Because you're in love with her.

[1643] You're like, I wish I was there to wash your hair.

[1644] Like, oh, fuck.

[1645] Yeah.

[1646] You know what I mean?

[1647] Like, if you're a guy and you're sad, this.

[1648] Justin.

[1649] Oh, this is so crazy.

[1650] Oh, and then that shot.

[1651] Yeah, you like, see her.

[1652] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1653] This was such a crazy movie.

[1654] This scene was so insane.

[1655] Whoa.

[1656] Oh, it's so insane, dude.

[1657] Oh.

[1658] Wow, yeah, it still holds up like a motherfucker.

[1659] Yeah, it holds up.

[1660] It's, it's masterful in that you don't see.

[1661] see anything gory, but you're still horrified and flinching while it's happening.

[1662] Yeah, like reservoir dogs when Mr. Blonde cuts off the cop's ear.

[1663] Yeah, but even more fucked up because you were in love with her and you were just going to wash her hair.

[1664] It's 1960, yeah, you didn't want to wash her hair.

[1665] You wanted to wash her hair.

[1666] You wanted to help her.

[1667] You guys are saying this holds up.

[1668] This is like the size.

[1669] When I saw the Exorcist in the theater when they re -released it after like the 25th anniversary, me and my friends were hilariously laughing at some of the scenes because people had built it up so long our whole wives.

[1670] Oh, yeah.

[1671] It's the scariest thing ever.

[1672] And she's running down the stairs backwards, and she's like, pees on herself.

[1673] We just thought it was hilarious.

[1674] Just wasn't, I mean, we've seen scream.

[1675] And those aren't scary either, but, like, that's what our generation's scary movies were.

[1676] It was just wild.

[1677] How funny of this stuff.

[1678] I remember that the first one I ever saw was, like, it was The Shining, and that's still, there's still some terrifying moments.

[1679] That's an interesting one, right?

[1680] Because Stephen King didn't like it.

[1681] Yeah, that makes sense.

[1682] Because it is wildly different from, it's a huge departure from the novel.

[1683] So I can imagine if you're an artist and then someone takes your artwork and they completely change it in many different ways.

[1684] Well, yeah, they changed it a bunch of ways, but they kept it a bunch of ways too.

[1685] It became like a collaboration between him and Kubrick because it was clearly his original idea.

[1686] But he wanted, I believe Stephen King wanted that character to go crazy.

[1687] He didn't want him to have this fucking edge.

[1688] Like right from the beginning.

[1689] Like Jack Nicholson had an edge, like right from the beginning and then became insane.

[1690] And then, you know, became.

[1691] I know what it's like, yeah, to be an alcoholic who just stopped drinking.

[1692] And I think you have that edge almost from the get -go.

[1693] Yeah.

[1694] A little bit.

[1695] But, I mean, Jack's Jack.

[1696] That movie was so good.

[1697] It was top ten all -time fave for me. That's what's crazy.

[1698] It's like someone need to tell Stephen King, like, I know it wasn't the same thing.

[1699] But God damn, it was good.

[1700] good it was so good dude when those little girls are in the hallway and the fucking blood's coming out of the elevator holy shit that's a good movie so many great moments I love and back then when it came out like people don't understand like the shining is like what is that 82 or something like that 1980 I think is it I think so is that what is yeah so 1980 people you've got to understand we're talking about a whole different world yeah there's no there's no special effects.

[1701] If there are there, they're not very good.

[1702] They're all like clunky.

[1703] Yeah, you had Empire Strikes Back.

[1704] Yeah, but that's it.

[1705] It's clunky.

[1706] Yeah.

[1707] The special effects are clunky.

[1708] I guess Empire Strikes Back is pretty fucking dope.

[1709] And then Alien was 79.

[1710] That's right.

[1711] But that's it.

[1712] But that's it.

[1713] But it's falling apart.

[1714] Blade Runner was 82.

[1715] So there's really not much else though.

[1716] There is a lot of clunky.

[1717] So they did this movie with just just, I mean, just all of the, yeah, all of the different crazy moments like that bathroom moment with the axe coming through the door there was so many of those moments the moment with the old lady because kubrick was a fucking master at creating suspense and and using the sets and the color contrast like just the the the color patterns are unsettling and the fact that he used those twins weren't exactly they weren't twins there were just little differences that makes it unsettling there's so many different ways do you know he used do complex mathematics for fun that's how he was a genius he was a trippy dude man by far i think the greatest director of all time well he definitely is one of them and one of the most unique ones there's a you know there's a crazy conspiracy theory connected to the shining and the moon landing yeah i heard about the moonway yeah it's all about the number on the door is the exact same amount of thousands of miles it's 237000 miles away i heard that by the way it's by the way it varies See, that's the problem with that argument, is that, like, the distance in the Earth and the Moon is not constant.

[1718] I think it moves a little bit.

[1719] So I think it goes as far as 265 ,000 feet out, if I'm, or miles rather, 265 ,000 miles out.

[1720] And it goes to 237.

[1721] But I think it varies.

[1722] I think it goes like this.

[1723] I think it has like an elliptical orbit around the Earth a little bit.

[1724] Maybe I made that up.

[1725] Is that true?

[1726] Yeah, it sounds accurate.

[1727] Sorry, I was in the middle of reading the 237 stuff.

[1728] Yeah, I heard it was also possibly about Native Americans, how the hotel was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

[1729] And even Shelley DeVall sort of looked Native American.

[1730] You can hear Native American music playing in the opening credits.

[1731] I wouldn't be surprised if there's many layers to it.

[1732] Yeah, he's just a brilliant man. He was a brilliant, brilliant.

[1733] The little kid did have an Apollo 11 sweatshirt on that.

[1734] Yeah, that's true.

[1735] He did have an Apollo 11.

[1736] I mean, that's pretty on the nose.

[1737] I just remember in the back room, in the stock room, there was like a can of a product with a junk.

[1738] It was like Geronimo's head on the on there.

[1739] I'm sure there's so much to that there's probably many layers Kubrick is not going to operate on one layer no he's probably going to have a bunch of weird shit in there I mean look at 2001 what a mind fuck oh my god what a mind fuck yeah well there's so much of his work you know and he's the guy that the the conspiracy theorists when they get the most crazy when they when they really want to dive into who did it they think it was all cubrick the Kubrick literally filmed the fake moon landing, he uploaded it to the American TV satellites.

[1740] If anyone could do it, it'd be him.

[1741] He'd be the guy I would get to do it.

[1742] You imagine if that was really what happened all these years.

[1743] I remember hearing all the fucking conspiracy theorists about the Illuminati killing him because he made, yeah.

[1744] Well, they were worried he was going to open his fucking mouth.

[1745] Tell him about the moon landing.

[1746] Oh, no. That's what it was.

[1747] No, because he made fucking...

[1748] Keep his fucking mouth shut.

[1749] That too.

[1750] That was his last one.

[1751] They're like, enough.

[1752] This guy's getting too close.

[1753] Because I think he died like a week after that movie killed him.

[1754] Of course he did.

[1755] That's fucked up.

[1756] That's how they roll.

[1757] People just think nobody really rolled that way until this Jeffrey Epstein shit.

[1758] And they're like, oh, what?

[1759] It's shocking.

[1760] This is the first really truly eye -opening one like this.

[1761] Yes.

[1762] Well, that's an Alex Jones one, too.

[1763] Alex Jones was talking about that way before.

[1764] anybody was.

[1765] He called it way before and he said there's this service and they take these elites and they bring them to this place and they have sex with underage girls.

[1766] And everybody was like, no fucking way.

[1767] That sounds like science fiction.

[1768] And then you realize like, oh this is 100 % true.

[1769] And nobody was talking about it.

[1770] 100 % true.

[1771] That's crazy.

[1772] It's insane.

[1773] It's insane.

[1774] It's so weird.

[1775] And then the guy gets suicided.

[1776] The guy's in jail going to trial and they're like, well, Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide today.

[1777] Like, we're also in the 1940s again.

[1778] Breaking news.

[1779] That's just in.

[1780] Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide today.

[1781] 100 % convinced it was not fishy business.

[1782] I remember Diaz telling me in the parking lot, like a week before that happened.

[1783] He's like, this guy's not going to try.

[1784] They're killing this fucking guy.

[1785] Authorities do not suspect foul play.

[1786] Jeffrey Epstein, Filthy Rich.

[1787] What is that?

[1788] New documentary.

[1789] Comes out.

[1790] Oh, that looks fast.

[1791] It's based off of James Patterson's book, which came out a couple years ago.

[1792] That's going to get a lot of views.

[1793] I've been into these Jack Carr books.

[1794] Have you ever read any Jack Carr shit?

[1795] Jack Carr has three books, and he's working on his fourth one now, and it's all about, it's like they're thrillers, but like there's espionage and political shit going on in there.

[1796] And the main protagonist.

[1797] I don't know.

[1798] I've never read Clancy, but the main guy.

[1799] is a Navy SEAL, and there's all this crazy shit that happens in all these stories.

[1800] But in a lot of them, you go, wow, like this, I used to think that something like this is preposterous, that people were just making up this idea that, you know, that people would conspire to do evil, creepy shit all over the world and do it to make money and sacrifice people's lives.

[1801] But as I've gotten older, I'm like, oh, that's probably way closer to what's really going on.

[1802] probably like that's probably way closer yep that's probably it's probably is like that and then the guy like Epstein gets arrested and then get suicided and then everybody's like well too bad guess he's dead I can still fucking there's no Senate hearings they're not standing in front of the TV every day going what happened how could one of the most important witnesses ever how could the cameras not be working you didn't check it's when Tim Dillon did that Oh, he's so good at that shit.

[1803] Oh, Tim Dillon is amazing.

[1804] He's my favorite.

[1805] He's at all the young, wild guys coming up.

[1806] He's the most wild.

[1807] Definitely.

[1808] He's the most wild.

[1809] And consistently brilliant.

[1810] Yeah.

[1811] He's fucking funniest shit.

[1812] Yeah.

[1813] Schultz's very wild, too.

[1814] He's great.

[1815] He impresses me. He goes for it.

[1816] He goes for it.

[1817] I wish he lived in L .A. Take some risky turns.

[1818] He takes some risky turns.

[1819] Yeah, he sure does.

[1820] Tim Dillon does, too.

[1821] That fucking Megan McCain thing is the single greatest impression.

[1822] I've never seen, ever.

[1823] You want to fuck these kids, don't?

[1824] Apparently she blocked him, which made it even better.

[1825] I love the way he says, what's her name?

[1826] Ocasio Cortez.

[1827] Oh, now he's dressed as a coronavirus.

[1828] Oh, this was good.

[1829] Did you hear the, he did a rant about cruise ships on this podcast?

[1830] That was great.

[1831] He did another great rant today or yesterday, a fucking solid one.

[1832] Every time there's something going on with cruise ships, I send it to him now.

[1833] We have like this back and forth on just cruise ships.

[1834] ship shit.

[1835] I still say the most dangerous comic right now who will say whatever the fuck he wants is still Holtzman.

[1836] Oh yeah.

[1837] That guy has balls.

[1838] He's always been buck wild.

[1839] I always quote Holtzman's thing about there was a lady who drowned her kids back in the day Susan Smith and he goes Ladies and gentlemen, I heard those were bad kids.

[1840] I mean he's doing this like a week after this fucking lady drowned her baby.

[1841] He's like they sat that close to the TV.

[1842] They didn't put away that blocks.

[1843] That kids will not be missed.

[1844] They spilled their milk.

[1845] We were like, oh no. After 9 -11, Mitzie wouldn't put him up.

[1846] Oh, I mean.

[1847] He's like, you can't go up yet.

[1848] Let me up, Mitzie.

[1849] Like, you're like, no. He was so funny at Mitzie's Memorial.

[1850] He would just say the most fucking horrible shit.

[1851] And then list off a bunch of random tour dates.

[1852] He's like, August 3rd, August 4th, I'll be at the yuck yucks in Montreal.

[1853] Have you seen his Instagram?

[1854] Thank God it's Wednesday.

[1855] I'm here at the In -N -Out Burger.

[1856] Thank God it's Wednesday.

[1857] He does some sketch with some lady at a Thai food place near his house.

[1858] Oh, so funny.

[1859] Yeah, that's the best.

[1860] And she's singing in Vietnamese, and he's like interpreting or something.

[1861] He's a staple.

[1862] He's a staple.

[1863] Yeah, he really is.

[1864] And he's a guy that wouldn't exist any other place.

[1865] Like, there's something about the.

[1866] crazy darkness of the store that helps a guy like that we're putting him a lot in the documentary so hopefully we get some good we get a lot of eyes on him i'm really excited about that i always said the way to do a special with him was just to film him for like a month oh yeah let him do all of his sets we yeah piece it together we filmed a lot of uh we let him go for an hour and and we got a lot of good material with holzman there's a thing where you're like it's the end of the night you did your show and then you're leaving the back bar and you got to go take a leak and you go take a leak and then you hear what the fuck did i just say to you and you're like oh my god holzman's and you walk in there there's like eight other people you sit down holzman embarrassed at the end of the night it's a staple microphone always in the stand oh so funny he's bright oh my god and he's always he's very dangerfield very like rodney well his look too is very old time me like he's from another era tucked in shirt and he behaves like that too like these fucking kids today yeah I love it yeah there's nothing better than late night at the store when you get with Dom Barris Holtzman used to be Brody you know what I always say about that place that there's I think there's a real argument for objects collecting energy put on your woo -woo hold on your crystals because we're going to talk sister I think think there's some real power in objects.

[1867] And I think when you're around objects and you have fun, like if you are, you're in that room, that comedy store, that's, that room is like a, it's like an encasing.

[1868] It's like a vessel.

[1869] Yeah.

[1870] And there's an encasing of these moments.

[1871] Like, there's something in the walls.

[1872] Like, there's so many laughs have been had in that room.

[1873] There's something in the wall.

[1874] Yeah.

[1875] I remember closing up.

[1876] Part of it's psychological that you're thinking about it.

[1877] Here I am.

[1878] I'm thinking about, you know, this is, but it's part of it's, there's seasoning.

[1879] It's like a frying pan that you've used a bunch of times.

[1880] It's like there's seasoning in that place.

[1881] I've never seen, that's a perfect way to describe it.

[1882] It's seasoning.

[1883] I've never seen any ghosts.

[1884] I'm very skeptical of that kind of thing.

[1885] Super skeptical.

[1886] But I'm telling you, I would close up that club by myself every night at three or four in the morning for five years.

[1887] And I didn't feel great about closing up by myself.

[1888] And, like, going up to the belly room and shutting up all the fucking lights.

[1889] Yes.

[1890] Fuck that shit.

[1891] That's the room.

[1892] It's like the overlook hotel.

[1893] It's like the shining.

[1894] The belly room for me is the one that freaks me out.

[1895] And also it's because it's connected to all these corridors.

[1896] It's like this room there.

[1897] And the mirrors and shit.

[1898] And you go upstairs there.

[1899] And then over there's the little green room.

[1900] It's like everything's dark.

[1901] It's like a haunted house.

[1902] What's going to jump out of you?

[1903] And then there's a stairway to get downstairs into the hallway.

[1904] Yeah.

[1905] That's fucking.

[1906] And then there's the doorway to the outside.

[1907] Exactly.

[1908] That would slam.

[1909] Yeah.

[1910] So many different entrances and exits and...

[1911] I feel like...

[1912] I don't know how many people have been killed in that building.

[1913] I don't know how many people been killed in that building.

[1914] Many.

[1915] But I think they killed a fuck old of them in that room upstairs.

[1916] Yeah, I'll bet.

[1917] That room upstairs is the one...

[1918] They did all the murder.

[1919] That gets me. I'm like, uh -uh.

[1920] I think they did the murder probably in the basement, no?

[1921] Isn't that way you whack people?

[1922] Yeah, that would make sense.

[1923] I heard that as well about the basement.

[1924] Yeah.

[1925] But that room gives me the creeps.

[1926] The basement gives me the creeps a little bit, too.

[1927] It used to.

[1928] before they fucking converted it into a podcast studio.

[1929] Now it gives me more of the creeps.

[1930] I did Argus' show down there.

[1931] Super creeps.

[1932] No, that was fun.

[1933] Sir you will about Argus, man. That guy is, he always kills.

[1934] He's constantly writing new material.

[1935] It's always solid.

[1936] Dude, I saw him.

[1937] He's fucking good.

[1938] And I also like his style with a dark room, the spotlight.

[1939] Like, we did spots together, which we're, I'm usually not in the same time as him, like right before him or after him but we did them back to back once and I was like damn this is really good material it's tight and it was all a lot of it is like things that are happening right now like things that are current in the news and he had great bits on them he's great like a really really sharp writer man he's perfect to go up right there second on the lineup yeah he gets everything pop up the tone for the rest of the night I just love the fact that he loves it so much yeah he fucking he can't get enough of it he's been doing it forever 45 years But he still loves it Yeah You ever see him jogging?

[1940] Yes, I have Super addicted to jogging He can't get enough of that either Yeah, seven miles a day Twice a day I heard I don't know if that's That's insane I saw him one time outside At a grocery store It's like seeing your teacher Out of school It was offputting And he jogs into Hollywood Which is even weird Yeah You know I mean He's like fuck a gym I'm just gonna use the road There's something about those people right when you're in your neighborhood and someone just is using your neighborhood like a like a gym yeah it's like something weird about that shouldn't you go run where people run like why you run when people drive yeah it seems like it's a dumb place but it's the thing that people do man adrenaline i don't know like in new york city there's always people that are using the city as their gym yeah they're just running like everybody else is walking and these people are exercising you know it's fucking weird artis has a argus even has a bit about that does he's like yeah he says uh you see a guy on a bicycle and L .A. That guy's working out.

[1941] You see a guy on a bicycle in Dallas, Texas.

[1942] He's got D -U -I.

[1943] It's true.

[1944] It's a pretty good Argus impression, too.

[1945] It's okay.

[1946] It's not bad.

[1947] This is a little bit of slang to it.

[1948] Where's he from?

[1949] Oklahoma.

[1950] Oh, there you go.

[1951] Yeah.

[1952] I've heard some great Argus stories over the years.

[1953] Like, you know, just him and all the history with Mitzie and the shores.

[1954] Yeah.

[1955] Love Argus.

[1956] We all love Argus.

[1957] No, it's a great place, man. August's a great guy.

[1958] It's a great place.

[1959] There's so many, so many good people there.

[1960] Yeah.

[1961] Just when, when, when, when, Adam.

[1962] I say July.

[1963] I think July.

[1964] What do we do if this fuck says no?

[1965] What if he says, January 1st?

[1966] I think we, uh, then I think we, we all moved to Austin.

[1967] No, we all become Trump fans.

[1968] We're going to get the president involved.

[1969] Just kisses his ass.

[1970] We all fucking shoot up.

[1971] We all shoot up with some fucking Lysol.

[1972] and walk down to Austin.

[1973] We don't require much, Mr. Trump.

[1974] Just open the fucking comedy store, please.

[1975] Open store, please.

[1976] Just do what you got to.

[1977] Open comedy clubs up.

[1978] You got our support.

[1979] Why is it an essential business?

[1980] It seems like it should be.

[1981] It's certainly more essential than some of the other fucking businesses.

[1982] Think about how much different is the contact, the close proximity to contact that you get, if you were in a comedy show versus if you were in line at a store and you're handing a cashier your money and they're giving you money back and you're looking at it you're touching hands you're inches away from each other yeah your face to face the guy with those bagging your shit he gets he's bagging it inches from you he's putting it in the thing he hands to you thank you you pass by someone here you pass by someone there as you're leaving you're doing that shit all the time seems pretty simple to me you get you take the forehead temperature make sure sure everybody enforce the masks, separate by table, you know, take out half the fucking tables and call it a day.

[1983] People don't even want you talking about this, Adam.

[1984] I know.

[1985] This is what's weird about it.

[1986] They get mad if you talk about it.

[1987] If you even come up with solutions, if you even have a perspective other than what's going on right now exactly.

[1988] That's not good.

[1989] No, it's not great.

[1990] That's not good.

[1991] We need, no one needs what, no one knows what the fuck is the right thing to do.

[1992] here right yeah look as much as i love korean baseball i want to go to work i want to go back to work exactly fuck this i'm sick of it man that's what i'm saying come on garcetti hear us hear us just open it up man just keep if people want to be quarantine let them be quarantined but don't make everybody be quarantine yeah no more man date you're going to destroy everything everybody's worked for in terms of their businesses that's hard and i mean And honestly, that is heartbreaking.

[1993] It is heartbreaking.

[1994] And every day that it goes on, it gets more and more severe.

[1995] I'm more for safety and health and all that shit.

[1996] But I think just like everything else in the world, we need balance.

[1997] We need to really think about this and come up with some solutions and not just say no. I don't like the narrative, particularly in this case, because it's not what we thought it was going to be in terms of the fatality rate.

[1998] I don't like the narrative that you're protecting people, that you have to listen to them because it's protecting other people.

[1999] I don't like that narrative.

[2000] I don't think there's only one way to protect people.

[2001] Another way to protect people would be isolate those people.

[2002] And don't pretend that you can't do that.

[2003] Because if you can shut down the whole world, you can isolate the vulnerable.

[2004] Right.

[2005] You can't.

[2006] You did a monumental thing already.

[2007] The most monumental thing really ever told people to stop working and they did.

[2008] Most of the world stopped working for a couple months.

[2009] It's pretty crazy.

[2010] Pretty wild.

[2011] But then you're saying you can do that, but you can't figure out how to isolate people that are vulnerable and give people the opportunity to make their own decisions.

[2012] You let them fucking go dirt bike riding, right?

[2013] You let them do backflips with motorcycles.

[2014] People do a lot of wild shit.

[2015] Nobody has a problem with that.

[2016] But if you tell them that they can't go out and possibly get themselves infected because they'll infect somebody else, like educate people.

[2017] Educate people, and if they do do it anyway, that fucking piece of shit, they were probably going to put people in danger in some other way.

[2018] They're probably drunk drive with their mom.

[2019] You know, it's probably an asshole.

[2020] It's like, you've got to be, you've got to be cognizant of the vulnerable people for sure.

[2021] But you also have to give people the opportunity to earn a living.

[2022] Yeah, to not be homeless and fucking hungry.

[2023] If they're willing to risk being sick, you've got to give them the opportunity to do that.

[2024] And you've got to give them the education to help them get over that cold, to help them keep that virus from getting to them with all the precautions that everybody's using every day anyway.

[2025] Yeah, the structure to make sure that they're as safe as possible.

[2026] possible exactly yeah that's it people don't even like that you're talking about it oh my god that's insane they're angry they're so angry at me personally specifically yeah you right now because you already talked about it yeah you talked about it with me you definitely got a second -hand high so i probably did yeah you did how do you know i could tell oh well that's not you got it just a touch just a touch it's the perfect amount yeah like if you're an alcoholic can you hang out with people who drink it doesn't do a goddamn thing for you no nothing nothing If you're a smoker and you decide to take a little time off and you're around people that smoke weed, you catch a breeze.

[2027] I remember I did a show with Tripoli in Toronto.

[2028] They have this underground.

[2029] That's all I got.

[2030] Lizard people.

[2031] We did the show at that underground place in Toronto.

[2032] Okay.

[2033] That's all weed.

[2034] Do you know about that place?

[2035] No. It's the most preposterous show.

[2036] you've ever done in your life.

[2037] And Tripoli's, I think hot boxing a fucking...

[2038] Hot boxing the fuck out of everybody.

[2039] They had bongs on the table.

[2040] It was insane.

[2041] I was, I mean, I was just looking out at a cloud.

[2042] There was a cloud in front of you.

[2043] You could barely see with the spotlight and then all the smoke in the room.

[2044] You barely saw it was going on.

[2045] And you were so high.

[2046] There was no air.

[2047] It was all weed.

[2048] There was no air left.

[2049] Like, the candles were running on weed smoke.

[2050] There was no air in the room.

[2051] Fuck that.

[2052] It was all.

[2053] just weed smoke.

[2054] So Tripoli didn't even smoke anything, but 10 minutes into his act, he forgot where he was.

[2055] Of course he did.

[2056] He was on another planet.

[2057] Yeah, that's a problem with Texas.

[2058] They don't let you have the weed.

[2059] Oh.

[2060] Oh, really?

[2061] In Austin?

[2062] I think you have to statewide thing.

[2063] What is the, is you have to have AIDS?

[2064] They have some CBD laws, I think.

[2065] Yeah, they let you have CBD, right?

[2066] I just like was Googling earlier, they have some talk.

[2067] of potentially passing laws for recovery from like lost money legalizing it.

[2068] What I've found out of doing my Texas studies because I have been doing research is it's a real like Austin in particular is a very interesting combination of liberal folks and conservative folks like conservative tech like red Texas and then blue Austin and then a lot of like blue stuff that's going on and then the governor does.

[2069] doesn't want them to do certain things.

[2070] And like so the governor doesn't want them shutting down construction sites, but like the city of Austin is more blue.

[2071] Yeah, it's like the black sheep kid.

[2072] Austin police will stop arrest tickets in most.

[2073] A .K., most, I like that word.

[2074] Most low -level marijuana cases after unanimous city council vote.

[2075] What does that mean, though?

[2076] Maybe we'll let you go.

[2077] Most, we'll let it go.

[2078] Most low -level cases, most of them, most of them.

[2079] What kind of a law is that?

[2080] I mean, how do you have that even open to interpretation?

[2081] Most.

[2082] Yeah, I don't know.

[2083] Do you let people go if they only have a joint?

[2084] Most of the time.

[2085] Sometimes.

[2086] I fuck them.

[2087] What does that mean?

[2088] Most.

[2089] Just let them go.

[2090] Say it's just weed, you fucks.

[2091] I love Austin.

[2092] But the problem is, like, you don't get a place as, like, fiercely independent as Texas, as, like, Buck Wilde, as Texas without all that other stuff, too.

[2093] Awesome.

[2094] it's like the artist colony of Texas.

[2095] But the people that are like right -wing Texas think Austin's going to fuck it up for everybody.

[2096] The mayor's fucking up.

[2097] It's interesting.

[2098] It's interesting to see like that's the little battle that's going on because people want to keep it the way it is.

[2099] They know it's special.

[2100] And they're worried that the liberals are going to fuck it up and the liberals are going to fuck it up.

[2101] Right.

[2102] And isn't Austin's thing, isn't their motto, keep Austin weird?

[2103] No, that's only losers who sell T -shirts at the area.

[2104] airport.

[2105] Well, that's all I really hang out with when I go to Austin.

[2106] I just hang out at the airport.

[2107] Those keep something weird are the grossest of all T -shirts.

[2108] I couldn't agree more.

[2109] They're the baby on board of T -shirts.

[2110] You know?

[2111] Fuck out of here with that.

[2112] So ridiculous.

[2113] Keep Austin weird.

[2114] Shut up.

[2115] You're not weird.

[2116] It has a TM at the bottom of it.

[2117] It's the last thing.

[2118] You're giving Austin a bad name.

[2119] No, Austin's great.

[2120] right the t -shirts no i'm saying that the keep austin weird people are okay i thought you were accusing me i got defensive no not at all so oh we didn't even talk about your cult do all right yeah yeah we forgot we have time fuck yeah all right good we have plenty time i don't even know where to fucking begin so when when did you first become part of the cult so i got sent away to this cult it was like a cult boarding school how old were you i was 14 i I just turned 14 in 1994.

[2121] Did your parents know what was going on or did they think?

[2122] No, they had no idea.

[2123] What did they think it was?

[2124] They heard it was for a place for troubled kids to get some help.

[2125] And then, yeah, they had no idea.

[2126] It was a cult.

[2127] Wow.

[2128] No idea.

[2129] What was it?

[2130] It was a - Yeah, it's called C -D -U.

[2131] It was a C -E -D -U.

[2132] And they called it that because you could see yourself how you want to be.

[2133] and then you do something about it.

[2134] Damn, that sounds like something like Tony Robbins would say.

[2135] Yeah.

[2136] It used to be, I think it was created from, originally from something called Synanon, which I think is more well known.

[2137] But it's, yeah.

[2138] That sounds like some cheesy, not Tony Robbins, but like a low level, online, like a motivational guy.

[2139] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[2140] When I want you to do is see and then do.

[2141] Sounds so simple.

[2142] and it is for you.

[2143] You're going to see what you don't like and you're going to do something about it.

[2144] Everybody's like, oh, my God.

[2145] Thanks for being here at the Hilton in Alahambra.

[2146] So this is pre -Internet.

[2147] You're 14 years old.

[2148] Yeah.

[2149] I was a big cutter.

[2150] I was living in Tarzana.

[2151] I grew up in Tarzana.

[2152] Big cutter.

[2153] What was that about?

[2154] I don't know.

[2155] Are your friends doing it?

[2156] No. No. I was doing it.

[2157] I don't know.

[2158] My dad left and then I started cutting.

[2159] I kind of got, and then I was getting into fights at school, you know, I was punching holes in my wall.

[2160] I was an angry kid.

[2161] And so it was sort of an outlet, I guess.

[2162] And then they kept sending me up to the Northridge psych ward.

[2163] So I got sent away up to Northridge in the youth psych ward.

[2164] And then.

[2165] What did they say about you?

[2166] They, I don't remember specifically what they said.

[2167] I think they just told my parents.

[2168] They didn't tell me anything.

[2169] I think they told my parents.

[2170] probably.

[2171] And your parents didn't like you have a sit down with you and say, hey, Psycho.

[2172] After the third time.

[2173] Yeah.

[2174] Look what the doctor says.

[2175] My mom didn't know what to do with me, but after the third time, they said, after the third time I got sent up to the psych ward, they said, if you do this one more time, you know, anything else, we're going to have to send you away somewhere, you know, more serious probably.

[2176] Whoa.

[2177] And so I did it again.

[2178] And then we took a tour up to, they said they were, we were just going to go up to take a tour the school that I could be sent away to.

[2179] That was it.

[2180] They said, if you do it one more time, we're going up and we're going to tour this school.

[2181] And if you do this one more time, then we're going to bring you back here and drop you off.

[2182] You're going to stay there.

[2183] And so we went up to the San Bernardino Mountains, and we got out of the car.

[2184] I toured the campus.

[2185] It was a beautiful campus.

[2186] It was like this giant cabin up near Lake Arrowhead.

[2187] And it used to be owned by the Houston's, you know, Walter and Angelica and John Houston.

[2188] And they were telling me, you know, just about the school and stuff and all the rules.

[2189] There were a lot of rules.

[2190] They called them agreements.

[2191] And then my parents, I came back and went and talked to my parents and they told me that I was staying there.

[2192] And I just said, well, fuck you.

[2193] And then I left.

[2194] And they strip searched me. And then that was it.

[2195] And then I went into what they call a rap.

[2196] And raps are intense.

[2197] So the rap was this three hour long, kind of like a group therapy session, but everyone is just sort of, oh, my God, it was so bizarre.

[2198] So I had only been at the school two hours.

[2199] I'd just been strip searched, and I'd been put into one of these three -hour wraps.

[2200] And the girl next to me was like rocking back and forth on the chair, sort of like sobbing quietly.

[2201] And then the kid next to me got up, walked.

[2202] across the room and switch seats with someone because you weren't allowed to talk to someone next to you you had to be across the room and that kid started screaming at the kid right next to me over here and then this one just started screaming at the floor and like started like screaming at the floor like I hate you mom I hate you dad and then someone started putting all the like this Kleenex all these tissues to and I'm like why are they putting all these fucking tissues here and then you just see all the snot and spit and like like mucus empty out of this this girl's body because she's just screaming and like blood vessels are popping and her fucking and she's crying and screaming and it was the most disgusting thing you've ever seen and I was like oh my god I'm going to be here for two and a half years and this is how this is going to happen three times a week there was a lot of sleep deprivation they had uh what did your parents think it was they thought it they were told by the counselors that the psych ward that it was like a place for troubled kids when you didn't know what else to do with them so the psych ward was in on it yeah yeah it's weird and so I think do you think they were fooled or do you think that they knew what was going on that maybe they were fooled I think they were probably fooled I don't think this is pre -internet right yeah this is all pre -internet because you can't do a wiki on them yeah I mean the school the government finally shut them down So they were accredited, though, or something?

[2203] Yeah, I think so.

[2204] Proved by.

[2205] Yeah.

[2206] It had been, you know, around CEDA was there for, I think since the 70s, I want to say.

[2207] Maybe even earlier, maybe the late 60s.

[2208] That's the scary ones.

[2209] Yeah.

[2210] The ones with legs.

[2211] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2212] You know?

[2213] But it was a really weird mix of students.

[2214] It was like, I think Paris Hilton went there at one point.

[2215] And then there was like just a lot of kids there on court orders.

[2216] Oh, God.

[2217] You know, it was just a real mix, weird mix of people.

[2218] Wow.

[2219] But they had these 24 -hour, what they called profites, and they were all named after a different chapter of the book called The Prophet by Khalil Gabran.

[2220] Dude, I have to pay so bad.

[2221] I'm going to stop you right here because I can't.

[2222] I was like, I'm going to hang on to this.

[2223] I'll be fine.

[2224] But I drank three cups of coffee before I got here.

[2225] Hold, please.

[2226] I'm sorry.

[2227] We'll be right back, folks.

[2228] Okay, sorry.

[2229] We're back.

[2230] You were saying something about the Prophet, based on the Khalil Gabon.

[2231] How do you say that?

[2232] Khalil Gabon.

[2233] Gabrand.

[2234] It was, um, they, they, uh, they have these things called profite.

[2235] So you, you come, you go through the program with a peer group.

[2236] So everybody that was enrolled at the same time as you in the same, like two months, you go through these, almost like these rites of passages called profites.

[2237] And there were these 24 hour long workshops.

[2238] And they're all based around each chapter of this book called the prophet.

[2239] Um, and the first one was called the truth.

[2240] And it was like, the truth will.

[2241] set you free, so you basically tell everything you've ever done that you felt bad about.

[2242] And it's like confession almost.

[2243] And what was odd is that all the staff members were, there were a lot of, there were like two or three staff members who were the counselors at the school.

[2244] They had no real credentials.

[2245] They weren't like therapists, but they acted as therapist.

[2246] But they all had fucked up lives too.

[2247] And so, and some of them, yeah.

[2248] And so some of them, like there were people that really got off on the power, like many cult leaders do.

[2249] And then there were some that were former students there that were sent away for being bad kids.

[2250] So there were staff members like confessing to, heard one guy claimed that he said a homeless guy on fire.

[2251] Another one would strangle cats.

[2252] And they're like, these are the fucking people that are teaching us.

[2253] You have to fall asleep around a dude who used to strangle cats?

[2254] No, you couldn't fall asleep in the profite's.

[2255] Oh, right.

[2256] I mean, eventually.

[2257] I mean, no, I think they lived off campus.

[2258] Oh, okay.

[2259] Fuck, man. That sounds insane.

[2260] Yeah, it was pretty wild.

[2261] They all have that element in them.

[2262] That's a Scientology element, too, right?

[2263] And then also Catholicism, you have to confess.

[2264] Right.

[2265] There's a thing that Scientology does where they go over all sorts of aspects of your life.

[2266] And they, like, save that.

[2267] Yeah, I save all those recordings.

[2268] And then when you want to talk shit, they're like, oh, well, you think about leaving?

[2269] Oh, fascinating.

[2270] We're going to tell everybody about that thing that you do with clowns.

[2271] I wonder why they would do it here, then, because we had no power to, like, we're all underage.

[2272] Well, that's a different organization.

[2273] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2274] What they're doing is probably getting power over you.

[2275] I mean, it seems like that's what those things are always about.

[2276] They're always about power, and then it's usually the main dude's banging everybody's wife.

[2277] Yeah, right.

[2278] and they get a lot of money the teachers there were teachers that were for sure banging the students there's no doubt about it it is if some look if a guy can lie about what he does for a living right and get laid they'll do it oh yeah it's there's a certain percentage of guys that will do it if they can lie and control people they'll do that too like it's just different levels of douchebaggery right do you get to that cult This is like the big boss.

[2279] Yeah, it's just like everything else, man. Yeah, right.

[2280] Okay.

[2281] It's like level, there's levels of where people can, you know, they could control people in the strangest ways and get people.

[2282] Like the, the, um, Halebop comet people.

[2283] Oh, yeah, exactly.

[2284] They cut their balls off.

[2285] That was a big part of it.

[2286] Like releasing yourself from your sexuality.

[2287] I don't remember that part of the fucking story.

[2288] Holy shit.

[2289] Yeah, the main guy got his balls off.

[2290] And he encouraged others to cut their balls off as well to free themselves from the confined.

[2291] of sexual lust.

[2292] Yeah.

[2293] Yeah, you had a, do you remember that guy?

[2294] Remember what he looked like?

[2295] I remember exactly what it looked like.

[2296] He almost looked like Mr. Magoo without the glasses.

[2297] Yeah, there it is.

[2298] Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.

[2299] So you don't have to have a good hustle to start a cult.

[2300] Like, that's not a good hustle.

[2301] That's a terrible hustle.

[2302] But you need to have a hustle that works good on dumb people.

[2303] Right.

[2304] And that's the difference.

[2305] Just like the guy when Frank Santos used to do his hypnotism acts and stitches.

[2306] There was a guy that would come in his pants.

[2307] It would just be every hour, you know, he wouldn't, he would do different things different times.

[2308] He'd make things out.

[2309] He had a bunch of different things he would do.

[2310] But I remember one of them, he's like, this was a Madonna was hot.

[2311] Oh, sure.

[2312] He was telling this guy that he's having sex with Madonna.

[2313] It might have been Janet Jackson, someone like that.

[2314] Someone very popular at the time.

[2315] Some hot and popular.

[2316] And then he's like, you're going to, oh, my goodness, you're going to pop.

[2317] And the kid's like, oh, the kid comes.

[2318] And you're like, I don't believe this.

[2319] We're all looking at each other.

[2320] and Greg was like, for sure he came.

[2321] I'm like, for sure.

[2322] That guy just came.

[2323] That guy came, and he looks on embarrassed.

[2324] He's like looking around, confused.

[2325] He's not a good actor.

[2326] He's just a moron.

[2327] There's certain things that some guys can do to really dumb people where they can sink into their brain.

[2328] But stand -up is similar to that, but not, not really.

[2329] It's similar to hypnosis.

[2330] That kind of hypnosis is weird hypnosis.

[2331] It only works on really moronic people.

[2332] Very susceptible.

[2333] There's vulnerable people, man. man. Maybe it might not even be dumb.

[2334] It might be just you got programmed poorly.

[2335] Like I know a lady who's Mormon, her whole life's Mormon.

[2336] And one of the things she said that was kind of shocking.

[2337] She was like, I'm more, because she left that religion and she's like, but I'm very susceptible to bullshit.

[2338] Like I'm very susceptible to like gurus and cults.

[2339] It's like there's a part, when you develop your whole life, 35, 45 years of thinking a certain way.

[2340] And then also, sudden it's shut off and you're like okay that all that stuff that you believe that was all bullshit so don't go there anymore now good luck you're like oh who's got the answer who's got the ones right for the picking so it might not even be dumb it's a more lost they need they need some direction they need yeah something yeah something program poorly yeah well i wasn't i i don't think there is there's frank sanos oh wow this is when he this is the comment connection.

[2341] This is when they moved to out of stitches.

[2342] This is the larger room that was in Fanio Hall.

[2343] He did a little bit, a little bit.

[2344] See, do you got any volume on this?

[2345] He's making them all think they just watched a sad movie in this clip.

[2346] Yeah, see, they're all crying.

[2347] These people are all freaking out.

[2348] These people were all freaking out.

[2349] Dude, you had to see in real life.

[2350] This is not doing the justice.

[2351] There was it.

[2352] There was certain people that would faking it.

[2353] He could tell when you're faking it.

[2354] He would walk up to you and go, come on, man. You're not under.

[2355] Get out of here.

[2356] And he killed.

[2357] kick those guys out.

[2358] I love that.

[2359] There was other guys that just hook, line, and sinker.

[2360] Yeah.

[2361] They believe they were having sex with a mermaid or something.

[2362] They believe they were in a sword fight.

[2363] It's just...

[2364] That's so fascinating to me. Yeah, it is.

[2365] And that's who gets caught to the Hail Bob comment.

[2366] Gets their balls cut off.

[2367] I don't think they cut the dead off.

[2368] Fair enough.

[2369] Either way, it's pretty intense.

[2370] It's an intense commitment to your fake God or whatever it is.

[2371] I went along with it because I didn't want to extend my sentence.

[2372] If you got in trouble and you didn't play along and you didn't follow the rules, then you had six months to your sentence.

[2373] You drop a peer group.

[2374] But you didn't know going in that it was a cult.

[2375] When do you think you figured it out?

[2376] Until I was like, until like a fucking two years after I had graduated.

[2377] Oh, my God.

[2378] So two years after it's all over, you're sitting around going, hey.

[2379] I think, like, I started talking to something.

[2380] They're like, didn't you think that was a little weird when they did this or this or that?

[2381] And I was like, don't you mention it.

[2382] Wait a minute.

[2383] Yeah, we had to do 14 days through Joshua Tree, which was beautiful, which was great.

[2384] But then a four -day solo where they give you like a bag of trail mix and some water and a whistle.

[2385] And they say, all right, we'll come back in four days.

[2386] But as a 14 -year -old, it's like, what the fuck?

[2387] fuck what the fuck yeah it was intense but the worst where was this where where the woods uh in joshua tree that's a fucking sketchy area yeah 14 years old in the desert yeah that's crazy yeah where are we supposed to get your water they you had a big bag of water that was a big bag of water for four days how big is this bag uh i don't know you have your own bag yeah yeah you were alone they give you an area about half the size of this room, the studio.

[2388] What?

[2389] And they say, all right, we'll come get you in four days.

[2390] Here's four granola of ours, a bag of trail mix and a bag of water, and a whistle in case you get bit by a rattlesnaker some shit.

[2391] Oh my God.

[2392] And then so where are they with this is happening?

[2393] They said they were around and they monitor, I think they monitor you.

[2394] So they probably saw a lot of beating off.

[2395] 14 years old.

[2396] I think I spent most of my days.

[2397] If I was a 14 year old and I came up with a cult, that would be one of the rules.

[2398] What was the rule?

[2399] No, no, no. I'd be like, you're going to all be by yourself for four days.

[2400] You get four granola bars in a bag of water.

[2401] Like, it sounds like something a 14 -year -old would come up with as far as rules.

[2402] It sounds like an episode of fucking Fear Factor.

[2403] And here's a whistle if you get bit by a rattler.

[2404] I'll be over the top of the hill.

[2405] You won't see me, but I'll be able to hear you.

[2406] That sounds like a 14 -year -old.

[2407] I'll never forget, too, when we came out, they told us Kirk Cobain, had just killed himself.

[2408] It was, so was 94.

[2409] But I remember if you get in trouble, they put you on something called a full -time.

[2410] And that was never fun because it was like, you had no, it was, the amount of time of the full -time was in the turn.

[2411] So it was based on the staff member.

[2412] It was either you ran away or you had sex with another student or I know.

[2413] That happened?

[2414] Kids are banging.

[2415] Not me. In between snotty screams.

[2416] yeah a lot of primal screen therapy but but on a full time like you wake up and you have to like try and dig out a stump that's been there since the 70s no one was ever going to fucking take it out the biggest stump you've ever fucking seen I remember when I got enrolled the first thing I saw was a kid and a pickaxe and I'm like what the fuck bro that's why they have dynamite yeah and they're supposed to dynamite those things well they used it for full times but you're not allowed to laugh or sing or no human contact you can't talk to anybody for three weeks.

[2417] Oh, my God.

[2418] That's how long I was.

[2419] Yeah, they mind fucked you.

[2420] There was something called smushing where everybody, it was like you walk into this giant house every night and everyone is telling each other their live stories.

[2421] But it looked like, you remember Jonestown when like the 909 people had just drank the Kool -Aid?

[2422] And it was just body on top of body.

[2423] That's what it looked like.

[2424] Everyone's just cuddling with each other.

[2425] Oh, my God.

[2426] And it's like all the staff members are fucking rubbing hair.

[2427] Jesus.

[2428] You're like, this seems highly inappropriate with like girls, 13 -year -old girls' head in their lap.

[2429] Yeah, it was fucking, it was trippy.

[2430] But yeah, my buddy, our buddy, Jeff Garland put me in touch with this fantastic writer who writes a lot of episodes of Better Call Saul and we're almost done with our pilot.

[2431] We're going to pitch it in about a month.

[2432] I feel like that's one that's going to be fascinating to see how they, play that narrative about like whether they will show that kind of shit like a 13 -year -old girl in a guy's lap like that seems like that you can't even do that we'll see you can't even do that in fiction you know what i mean you'd have to imply it that's a good point well even if everybody's fully clothed the problem is it really happened right so it's not like it's fiction so if you were creating this kind of fiction you're putting it out people would be like what you sick fuck why did you even think of that but you're not doing that that's true Yeah, you're relaying some crazy shit that you actually experienced.

[2433] And how many years are there for?

[2434] Almost three.

[2435] Wow.

[2436] Yeah.

[2437] Some of the exercises were crazy.

[2438] They did this one called Lifeboat where they choose two students.

[2439] I was one of the students they chose.

[2440] And you're on a chair and you can only save two people.

[2441] And all your best friends and shit are sobbing and they're like, Oh, my God.

[2442] And you have to look each person in the eye and tell them why they die.

[2443] What the fuck?

[2444] And then everyone had to write their own eulogy.

[2445] It's fucking weird.

[2446] A girl slid her own throat.

[2447] Oh, Jesus.

[2448] And another kid jumped off a cliff.

[2449] See, this is where I'm with the FBI.

[2450] This is where I take their side.

[2451] I'm like, I get it.

[2452] I know why you have to investigate these people.

[2453] I understand why you're so wary of people starting cults.

[2454] Because I was saying this to my friend.

[2455] I'm like, how come no one has ever started a good cult?

[2456] You know, like, and Bridget Fetasy and I were talking about this.

[2457] the other day.

[2458] I said, we should just call it the cult, like, you know, an homage to the band.

[2459] What about that squad?

[2460] But it's not a cult.

[2461] I'm just kidding.

[2462] But I'm saying a real cult.

[2463] Like, no one can start a good one.

[2464] Like, a real solid one with, like, good morals.

[2465] They're always the same.

[2466] I think you're on.

[2467] I think you're on to something.

[2468] I think I'm on to something.

[2469] This is why the FBI is forced to jump in.

[2470] Because it's almost like a thing that's 99 % done by assholes.

[2471] Right.

[2472] But 1%.

[2473] I'm looking for that needle in a haystack.

[2474] I'm looking for that piece of gold and the pile of shit I know it's in there One of those cults is someone Who really just has good intentions Do you know where Alex Gray is?

[2475] Oh yes I love fucking Alex Gray Does a lot of psychedelics He might be one He is actually a guy You're absolutely right He's the real deal Because he actually started a religion And the religion is based on art It's not based on profit And he's building the most insane beautiful artistic structure I love his shit The thing that they're building To do their worship in I mean, I don't know what you call it.

[2476] A cathedral.

[2477] Is he called a cathedral?

[2478] What does he call it?

[2479] Chapel.

[2480] Chapel of Sacred Mirage, right?

[2481] Isn't that what he calls it?

[2482] I heard about this fucking thing.

[2483] No, that's, I think that's what he called the place in New York.

[2484] I think he calls this something different.

[2485] But you've seen it, right?

[2486] Have you seen the images?

[2487] I have a couple of, I have one art book from it.

[2488] I think it's in there maybe.

[2489] No, I don't think so.

[2490] It's new, but some of the images from that, from his art are in the cathedral.

[2491] The whole thing is like this gigantic work of art. I don't know if they're 3D printing the outside or...

[2492] Cosm is the chapter of sacred mirrors and then Entheon is that place that they're making.

[2493] Entheon is the place up in upstate New York.

[2494] I think Duncan said he was there.

[2495] He belongs there.

[2496] He's going to move there.

[2497] That makes sense.

[2498] That makes sense.

[2499] Yeah, he's totally.

[2500] Duncan could start of a good cult.

[2501] Duncan would be a great colleague.

[2502] That's stunning.

[2503] Dude, it's dope.

[2504] It's basically his art, but his art in a building.

[2505] like he made a building out of his art's cool where this seems like it would be in like sidona or something no man they bought new york yeah and they're like good tax potpayers and shit they like and it's a real religion so i think they have actually they're not good taxpayers they have tax exempt status i think that's the whole deal oh shit yeah good for them i think that's what i'm saying i think they're a real religion yeah there it is but he's a guy that i believe yeah he seems like a good dude oh he's not trying to no take everybody's money and bang everybody's wife yeah he's really just this guy he's a really sweetheart guy and an amazing there are people like that you know him and ramdas yeah yeah ramdoss is a great example yeah there's people that really do exist or did exist that really are pure this is really what they want to do yeah that's true but i don't know if this guy started out that way who knows the guy's one out of a hundred yeah one out of a hundred one and a hundred most of them get to that spot and they just you know it's like when when when they get into it in the first place are they doing it because they've it's been done to them like some of them clearly right some of them seems like they were a victim of it the staff members for sure that's why i know the one who like set the homeless guy on fire i know that for sure that's why he did it he got put through this bullshit he was going to inflict it on somebody else yeah garbage garbage people and then the craziest thing was maybe about seven or eight years after i graduated a lot of kids would split.

[2506] I split.

[2507] You run away, but then you get caught or you walk or you come back to the school once you find out your parents aren't going to take you out.

[2508] But a lot of kids never came back.

[2509] And we just, that's, it, that was just the fact to the kids.

[2510] We don't know what the fuck happened to them.

[2511] They would always tell us that, uh, the parents pulled them out of the school, some of the kids that ran away and never came back.

[2512] Oh.

[2513] But it was on the side of this giant like, almost like a cliff, this backside of a mountain.

[2514] And some kids would walk down into town through the road and some kids they said would run away and go down the backside of the mountain and they said some kids died going down the backside some kids got kidnapped who fucking knows but uh i found out about seven or eight years after the club was closed they found out that there was actually a serial killer that was working at the school he was like um like the night janitor kind of guy um and confessed to murdering uh like a handful of kids that we thought ran away and uh he got caught for something else and then confessed to all these murders he had committed over the last decade and and four of them were kids while he was working up at the campus holy crazy and that was while i was there yeah bonkers fuck pretty wild so it took you a few years was it a relationship that you were in where a girl was explaining to you no it was While I was talking to former students, and then it started opening my eyes, and I was like, oh, yeah.

[2515] So it wasn't talking to someone who wasn't in it.

[2516] Right.

[2517] It was talking to someone who was in it.

[2518] So together you were like going, hey, I've talked to some other people.

[2519] That's not what 14 -year -olds do.

[2520] Right.

[2521] Fuck, man. And then when Facebook, it was even longer than that, because I think then when Facebook came out, then it was like there were all these groups and everyone's like, yeah, we were in a cult.

[2522] There was a lot of them, I think, in the 60s and the 70s.

[2523] Yeah.

[2524] I think there was a lot of them where there was a lot of people that were experimenting with different lifestyles and they're experimenting with drugs.

[2525] And then there was a lot of people.

[2526] Whenever you do drugs around people, there's always people that have answers.

[2527] Right.

[2528] You know, annoying people that have answers.

[2529] I'm one of those people.

[2530] Well, it's like Charles Manson.

[2531] That's what I got, right?

[2532] He gave everybody acid, sure.

[2533] New True Crime Podcasts, The Lost Kids Exposes the Twisted Troubled Teen Industry.

[2534] Oh.

[2535] Oh, wow.

[2536] Look at that.

[2537] Just came out.

[2538] Wow.

[2539] What kind of timing is this?

[2540] Look at that.

[2541] I got to reach out.

[2542] The new podcast investigates missing teen.

[2543] Daniel, you win?

[2544] I think, how do you say that, you think?

[2545] You win?

[2546] I don't know.

[2547] When?

[2548] When?

[2549] Yeah, maybe when.

[2550] When?

[2551] Sorry, Daniel.

[2552] And the controversial C -Doo schools.

[2553] Interesting.

[2554] Wow.

[2555] Wow, fascinating.

[2556] I'll definitely be checking that out.

[2557] Yeah, man, there was a whole time where people were, you know, regularly getting together groups of people and getting them to do things and telling them things and telling them, you know, you got to drink the Kool -Aid and telling them, you got to come with me, we've got to kill that pregnant lady and write pig on the wall.

[2558] Like, all that shit came out of cults, all of it, you know?

[2559] And the Manson one, Fitzsimmons turned me on to this guy that wrote this.

[2560] The guy that wrote the book.

[2561] Yes.

[2562] Yeah.

[2563] Dude, did you...

[2564] Have you heard of it?

[2565] I've heard of it.

[2566] I've heard all about this guy.

[2567] He's named Tom O 'Neill, and his book is called Chaos.

[2568] It says chaos.

[2569] Oh, that's for sure.

[2570] Charles Manson and the CIA's mind control experiment.

[2571] Charles Manson, the CIA, and the secret history of the 60s.

[2572] Yeah, we wanted, Norm wanted to interview him on our podcast so many, like, for a long time.

[2573] He's amazing.

[2574] You should have him on, because he lived it for 20 fucking years.

[2575] So he can talk to you about it in a depth, and with a, with a, with a, Without even looking at notes, man He knows everything about the Manson case It was his life for 20 fucking years Dude, it's crazy The book's amazing It was all the CIA was given them acid Manson they kept releasing from jail He kept violating parole They'd let him go They let him go They knew he was doing crazy shit Let him go, let him go They wanted him to get these hippies You do fucked up things Because it would disgrace the anti -war movement And would get people to be against hippies So he literally, like, let Charles Manson have carte blanche.

[2576] And they think even experimented on him with acid while he was in jail.

[2577] That's fucking crazy.

[2578] And then when he was out of jail, there was a fucking clinic, a free clinic in Hayd Ashbury, that operated until Tom's book came out.

[2579] It had been an operation for 30 or 40 fucking years.

[2580] No, more.

[2581] It's like 50 years from the 60s.

[2582] Tom's book comes out, and they close it.

[2583] They close down this free clinic.

[2584] a couple of months after his book comes out, showing that that free clinic was being used in the 1960s by the CIA to dose up hippies and follow them around and do studies on them and then dose up Johns in whorehouses.

[2585] They set up fake whorehouses with two -way mirrors and let these guys take acid.

[2586] They thought they were getting a drink and they were going to have sex with the prostitute.

[2587] And they would pour acid into their mouth and follow them and fucking run studies on them.

[2588] Fucking crazy.

[2589] Oh, that was real.

[2590] It's called Operation Midnight Climax.

[2591] Real thing that happened.

[2592] That's fucking awesome.

[2593] Bro, this Tom O 'Neill book blows the lid off of it.

[2594] You're like, this is insane.

[2595] It's insane.

[2596] That's wild.

[2597] Fitz Timmons told me about it.

[2598] Fitzsimmons doesn't recommend anybody.

[2599] But he just goes, you have to get this guy on your podcast.

[2600] He goes, it's right up your alley and it's fucking crazy.

[2601] And when you hear the whole story, like, oh, my God, of course.

[2602] Like, holy shit.

[2603] Of course.

[2604] That's fucking.

[2605] Of course.

[2606] Bonkers.

[2607] They fucking experience.

[2608] Here's the thing I was going to talk about.

[2609] I watched over this past weekend.

[2610] the entire Netflix special on the Unabomber.

[2611] There's a four -part special on the Unabomber.

[2612] And it mentions a lot of fucked -up things about the Unabomber.

[2613] I don't want to spoil or anybody.

[2614] But one thing it kind of leaves out was that he was a part, and I'm pretty sure this has been documented, of the CIA LSD Harvard drug studies.

[2615] Really?

[2616] Yeah.

[2617] Yeah.

[2618] He was a part of some sort of psychological study in Harvard for three years.

[2619] By the way, he graduated from school early.

[2620] So he was at Harvard when he was 17.

[2621] 17 -year -old kid, they're putting him through this psychological study where they humiliate you and break down your ideas and call you a fool.

[2622] And there's recordings of it of him talking to an adult, 17 -year -old kid, talking to an adult who's just openly mocking him and his ideas and shitting on him.

[2623] And they think they gave these kids.

[2624] They created the fucking Unabomber.

[2625] They think they gave these kids acid, too.

[2626] Wow.

[2627] And they think they made any, one of the things he said to was.

[2628] For what purpose?

[2629] Because they were being sadistic.

[2630] Oh, wow.

[2631] It was just like a cult You give people too much power They do whatever the fuck they want In this case you gave people too much power And they said, you know what?

[2632] Let's find out what acid does do to be But let's find out what happens When you humiliate a kid And break them down and give them acid Let's try And so they would just ruin people's lives And they did it to a ton of people man That's so fucked up Yeah dude they just experiment They didn't know what acid really was They weren't exactly sure What it would do or what it could do They thought it was going to be a true serum Then it turns out it's not that Like what is it So they did all kinds of experiments with people And the best way to do them initially was get volunteers.

[2633] But after the volunteers were fucking going crazy and losing their marbles and like staring in the corner like Blair Witch Project, nodding back and forth, they ran out of volunteers.

[2634] So then they started using prisoners and they started using students.

[2635] They started using a bunch of different people, using people that weren't going to say anything about it, like Johns at a brothel.

[2636] Yeah, bro.

[2637] It's bonkers.

[2638] So what was crazy is they didn't mention none of that in the Kaczynski.

[2639] Netflix thing and I thought that was fascinating because there was another documentary called The Net I believe it was a German documentary it's in subtitles and it was explaining that as well but it was going into depth more about the LSD studies that they did on them people were just starting to understand like there was there really was a time where they were experimenting on people that's a real thing I mean it was going on for a while They were taking people and running experiments on innocent people.

[2640] That's crazy.

[2641] This is a part of our history 50 years ago.

[2642] The only studies I've seen is like the famous videos like when they give it to like a housewife.

[2643] There's all this stuff called MK Ultra.

[2644] And the MK.

[2645] Ultra was a real project where they were really experimenting on people to find out what would happen to them.

[2646] Fuck.

[2647] There's also, look, there's people that are experts on how to extract information out of people.

[2648] You know, there's people that are experts.

[2649] How do you think they get to be those experts?

[2650] What do they do?

[2651] Well, they experiment.

[2652] What are they experimenting on?

[2653] Probably prisoners.

[2654] They probably do with prisoners.

[2655] That's what they did with Charles Manson.

[2656] They experimented on him with acid.

[2657] And they taught him how to manipulate others with acid, how to use acid to break down societal norms, break down all the structure they had in terms of what was okay and not okay in relationships and their relationship to society, how society was fucking them over.

[2658] He would force him to have orgies and go, you're going to have sex with her and he's going to have sex with him.

[2659] him and put everybody together and they all do gay straight all acid all fucked up and literally he would pretend to take acid and then like guide them right and guide their thoughts and program them and he did it every night and and everybody was like well where did he get the acid where's he getting all that asset he's getting it from the fucking government wow dude that's fucking bonkers dude dude I got to read this and he was emboldened first of all he was a fucking psychopath with a terrible childhood right his childhood was just just destroyed by the time he was a grown man lived half of his life in federal institutions half of his life from the time he got out before helter -skelter half of his life he had been in federal prison Jesus crazy he spent almost his entire life in prison he was and most likely he's they're pretty sure they were involved in acid studies during that time at least towards the end before they release him so they release him and he's been in jail a ton of times for everything fucking stealing cars all kinds of shit right and they release him and he just getting a way with things.

[2660] Like when he does things, like they think he murdered a guy.

[2661] They think a murdered guy at the ranch, the guy disappeared and he confessed to it later, just never found that guy.

[2662] And then he talks these kids into killing people, talks these kids into stabbing people and robbing people and bro.

[2663] I mean, it's, it's, it's, and he keeps getting out.

[2664] They arrest him for stuff and they keep letting him go.

[2665] And no one could understand it.

[2666] Dude, it's nuts.

[2667] When you, when you read the book, I listen to the audio book.

[2668] I hardly ever read anymore.

[2669] But when you listen to the story, it's at the end of it, you're like, whoa, well, that makes sense.

[2670] That's what they were probably doing back then.

[2671] They probably did stuff like that back then.

[2672] And he connects it to Sir Han, Sir Han, the guy who killed Robert F. Kennedy.

[2673] He connects it to Jack Ruby, the guy who shot Lee Harvey Oswald.

[2674] He thinks, yep, Jack Ruby, after this one doctor, this Dr. Jolly, this famous LSD doctor from that clinic, went to visit Lee Harvey Oswald, excuse me, went to visit Jack Ruby after he shot Lee Harvey Oswald.

[2675] When he leaves, Jack Ruby's crawling off the ceiling, screaming and yelling, he's delusional, demented, he thinks that there's a new Holocaust happening right now and they're lighting Jewish babies on fire in the street.

[2676] He loses his mind, completely loses his mind after this guy visits him, after this LSD doctor who worked with Manson.

[2677] Dude.

[2678] That's crazy.

[2679] It's the craziest book.

[2680] You need that book in your life.

[2681] What's it called?

[2682] Chaos.

[2683] I think back in the 50s and 60s, they just tried things.

[2684] That's a great way to look out of it.

[2685] Yeah, sure.

[2686] Just try some people.

[2687] They just tried things.

[2688] They're like, let's see what happens when we do this.

[2689] Did you see anything about Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, and LSD experiments at Harvard?

[2690] He, digging through, there's a book that came out called Harvard, Harvard and the Unabomber.

[2691] digging through here it doesn't specifically say that those tests had LSD in them but they were psychological tests that happened at Harvard to undergraduate students in the late 60s or maybe even yeah they brushed over it in the documentary the Netflix thing about how they would use drugs on patients but they didn't they were talking about a variety of methods and they sort of glossed over the fact and drugs But LSD was a critical part of that Because if they dosed them up all the time They could just rewire them Right Like you could rewire someone's brain Yeah you're just starting from scratch kind Brother the book will blow your mind Yeah it already has And as it gets further along it builds I mean it's a masterpiece The guy did it over 20 years He literally gave up his life Searching this thing And then gave birth this 20 year old baby It's amazing I can't wait to see this fucking baby But I think like when I'm watching The Unabomber thing And I'm thinking how many people like that aren't sue murderous but lost their fucking mind yeah exactly because of some crazy experiments oh because of someone doing something like back in the 60s that's fucking crazy but it's how is that different than a cult I mean it's different in that I guess it's different in that they're not taking you to a place and making you be but but but it's not in terms of one person with an extraordinary amount of power is using and abusing that power in a way that no one would ever consent to and they don't understand it they don't understand it yeah because you know in your case when you're 14 you're a fucking little kid yeah exactly in this case when you're on acid like they're doctoring your neurochemistry they're changing the way your fucking brain interfaces with reality and then programming you talking to you anybody who doesn't think that that is insane that that and when you find out that that that actually went on like whoa has anybody been held accountable for that like what what happened in there and people still deny it to this day apparently but there's been some freedom of information act documents and some other documents they found that were in CIA storage that confirmed the existence of this program and some of the things that they were trying to do that's so fucking fascinating and they shut it all down once this one guy who's running it died they're like that's it wrap it up we're out you imagine coming on board the CIA like a year later not having any idea and everybody's mad like what i'm here to i'm looking for terrorists the fuck you talking about acid and hookers like what who is doing what sign me up there's no documentation of that like readily available to new recruits you know they don't tell you you know you sign up for the CIA you think you're a good guy who's here to save the world from bad people right and meanwhile you're coming in right on the heels of the regime that was literally operating whorehouses with two -way mirrors dosing plumbers up with acid.

[2692] That's fucking crazy.

[2693] Poor guys.

[2694] Can you imagine?

[2695] Just going to have some sex, pay someone to touch your body.

[2696] They give you acid?

[2697] They bill Cosby you with some fucking acid and then study you and that's the government.

[2698] And your taxes are all paying for that.

[2699] Whoa.

[2700] That's cult shit.

[2701] But that's like, that's what people do, man. If they have that kind of power, if you give people just, first of all, also, if you give people that are in the position of, like, any government agency or a police officer that's seen a lot of violence, they've seen a lot of crazy shit, they've seen, like, the worst side of people, and then you give them this, like, super secret power where no one could know what they're doing, and they could literally ghost people, they can make people vanish.

[2702] You could just shoot somebody in the head and throw them in the ocean, no one's going to say anything.

[2703] Everybody's on your side.

[2704] You're one of the good guys.

[2705] Oh.

[2706] People would just do stuff like that.

[2707] Yeah, for sure.

[2708] Like they need to be held accountable.

[2709] Definitely.

[2710] That's what the rules are for.

[2711] The rules are to keep people from being people.

[2712] Yeah, accountability is very important.

[2713] You've got to keep people from giving into the primal people nature.

[2714] I like that primal people nature.

[2715] It seems like that's what those cults are, man. It's like there's a combination of stupid, uninformed narcissism and that weird primal nature to tell people.

[2716] people what to do.

[2717] And you bang it all together with some delusional person with some good vocabulary and some wild stories of what's waiting for them after the Hail Bobcom and passes overhead and you cut your balls off.

[2718] It's fucked up.

[2719] Yeah.

[2720] It's all fucked up.

[2721] How did it affect you, once you got out and you realized you were out and you talked to all the other people that were out too and you all realize that you were out?

[2722] How did it affect the, did you have to like remap those years in your head?

[2723] Did you have to kind of think about what life is really?

[2724] like it was it was interesting because i got out when i was 16 so i had to go out as soon as i got out i had two more years of high school so i got thrown at uh down the street at taft i went to taft high school wow in woodland hills and then um yeah did a couple more years there but it was it was tough to get reacclimated and then yeah i i didn't know i had to retrain my brain like i felt like i I knew It was almost like I knew what they were trying to do I almost felt like I was being brainwashed And we were taught to self -police each other And I may have had North Korea style Like to rat each other out Yeah yeah yeah Otherwise you know They would put you on a full time And you'd have to fucking dig out a stump So when you say we were forced to self -police each other Will you force to self -police yourself or other guys?

[2725] Ourselves and others Oh okay so you have to rat out people too Yeah, you'd have to write a dirt list every week, which is basically every rule you'd like.

[2726] Here's another way the government's fucking kind of culty.

[2727] They were doing that in L .A. They were asking people to find people who weren't social distancing and report them.

[2728] And then report businesses that were operating during quarantine.

[2729] You get a reward.

[2730] Call this hotline.

[2731] Call this number.

[2732] Be a rat.

[2733] Be a bitch.

[2734] Yeah, be a bitch.

[2735] There should be a number.

[2736] When they call those numbers.

[2737] But when they call those numbers, they should have your phone number.

[2738] and then when you go to vote, they should go, oh, look, it turns out you're a bitch.

[2739] Look what you did, stupid.

[2740] This guy was barbecuing in his backyard without a mask on.

[2741] You called the fucking feds, you creeps.

[2742] People are so crazy.

[2743] They're so absolute and so angry.

[2744] Yeah, that's insane.

[2745] Yeah, I don't know, man. And then I got out.

[2746] How do you recover?

[2747] How do you like go, hey, I?

[2748] This is all bullshit.

[2749] I think it took some time and it took it took years, but I was one of the lucky ones.

[2750] I was like, you know what?

[2751] I did it.

[2752] I took the positives.

[2753] I was like, you know what?

[2754] It wasn't all bad.

[2755] I learned some tools.

[2756] And if I didn't go through that, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

[2757] And I'm not the, you know, I'm not the worst fucking guy in the world.

[2758] So I made it out.

[2759] I survived.

[2760] Fuck it.

[2761] Right.

[2762] I'm not going to.

[2763] There were a lot of people that wouldn't let go.

[2764] They would just hold on until this very day.

[2765] They hold on so tight to this bitterness and this anger and they can't sleep at night.

[2766] And all they think about is what they went through.

[2767] They lost three years of their life.

[2768] I do hate that.

[2769] I do bummed out that I missed out those three years of junior high.

[2770] Not if this script gets sold.

[2771] Yeah, that's true.

[2772] Come on, man. That's true.

[2773] That's earned character.

[2774] Exactly.

[2775] That's like we're talking about with Joey Diaz.

[2776] Like, you earned this.

[2777] I totally, not only do I not regret it, there's many, many, many, many days.

[2778] More days than not that I wish I could go back and do it all over again.

[2779] I swear to God.

[2780] I don't know.

[2781] Because it was fun about it.

[2782] It was there was, there was a camaraderie.

[2783] There was, it was like, there was something about it.

[2784] I didn't have to, I had all that other bullshit to worry about, but I didn't have to worry about a roof over my head, job, you know, all the other bullshit that you have to worry about as an adult.

[2785] They say that about present.

[2786] Yeah, I'm sure.

[2787] You get institutionalized.

[2788] Exactly.

[2789] Yeah.

[2790] I heard stories.

[2791] about people, even in the Holocaust, because you know what they, and you know what the reason, I think it's a very small percentage of people that would have wanted to go back to that.

[2792] But they said it's because they felt alive.

[2793] A lot of people said that about war in general.

[2794] Yeah, they felt so alive.

[2795] They feel like the stakes are so high and everything's turned up to 11.

[2796] You know, I think that's what we're talking about when we're talking about the pandemic, the early days of the pandemic.

[2797] I felt like there's gonna be good for people.

[2798] It's gonna be a little bit of a lesson.

[2799] but I'm much more cynical now.

[2800] Because now I see that this is, everyone's going to survive, but they're going to be broke.

[2801] And they're going to be, I mean, it's going to harden people's differences instead of force people to abandon a lot of the foolish stuff and concentrate on what's important, keeping our loved ones and our family alive, keeping each other alive and doing the right thing and protecting ourselves from this invasion of demons, invisible demons that can kill your grandpa.

[2802] Yeah.

[2803] But then when we realized it wasn't that, then everybody's sort of.

[2804] settled into this boredom everybody settled into like watching TV all day and eating too much and then the shit talking on Twitter got to the point where I'm like I don't even want to read you guys anymore yeah this is everyone's so angry there's so much anger and um until things bounce back to a steady place I don't think that's going to resolve itself well it's a very divisive issue you know but I do hope that some of us the wise amongst us some of us that are that like to think about things are going to look at this and go maybe my priorities were out of whack yeah maybe i was working too much maybe i should have just tried to enjoy life and had more adventures and just appreciated people and just more dinners with wine you know you're laughing and hugging each other and just more having fun because there's so much of so much of life is really horse shit yeah it's it's hard to it's hard to recognize it when it's right in front of you and it's, it demands your attention.

[2805] I know.

[2806] But it's not the same thing as losing your life.

[2807] And when that virus came along, like post -9 -11, everybody kind of became nicer for a little bit.

[2808] Yep.

[2809] I'm hoping that more of us than not will be able to recapture that.

[2810] I hope so.

[2811] Just hold on to what is actually important.

[2812] And I hope that's sooner rather than later.

[2813] I also hope that people have been thinking about doing something, but they've been held back by this idea that you're going to play it safe.

[2814] you realize there's no safe.

[2815] So good.

[2816] So write that book, start stand up, make that album, fucking start sculpting.

[2817] Whatever the fuck you're thinking about doing, man. Just go and do it.

[2818] Go and do it.

[2819] Get out there, man. I want to kidnap a bunch of people and give them acid.

[2820] I think that's been done.

[2821] All right.

[2822] Turns out terrible.

[2823] Shit.

[2824] When are you going to do your thing with Norm again?

[2825] You're going to start soon?

[2826] Yeah, we've been planning for a while now, so now we're just, going to, um, we just need, uh, to put all the, the nuts and bolts into place and then get a, get a studio, get a camera and, and just do it.

[2827] But you're going to be the first guest.

[2828] I'm in.

[2829] All right, good.

[2830] So just tell me when, so I can, I can plan ahead.

[2831] Uh, we're shooting the first one in the fall.

[2832] So, oh, okay.

[2833] So you're going to plan it out.

[2834] You're going to map it out in advance.

[2835] Nice.

[2836] I can't wait.

[2837] And we're still, yeah, you know.

[2838] I mean, I, listen, I love Norm to pieces.

[2839] He's one of my all -time favorite human beings.

[2840] Same here.

[2841] That have ever lived.

[2842] I have a great story about Norm, me and him on a plane, and randomly, this is crazy, but true.

[2843] Randomly, twice I sat next to him on planes, just randomly.

[2844] Oh, wow.

[2845] Yeah, totally randomly.

[2846] Like, what's up, Norm?

[2847] What's up, Norm?

[2848] Like, crazy, this is happening again, and both times it was a blast.

[2849] But one time, we're flying back, and he's like, yeah, I used to smoke, and I had to give it up.

[2850] It's fucking terrible for you, but sometimes I miss it, but glad I quit.

[2851] I'm like, how long has it been?

[2852] He's telling me all these months, he stopped smoking, this, and now we're talking.

[2853] as soon as he land he walks right into the fucking store buys a carton of cigarettes and he's opening a cigarette he's alighting it before he gets out the door and I go what do you do it he goes all that talk about smoke and I had to have one and the flight from I forget where we even were two times both times are just like the best flights like just like having an audience of one next to one of the greatest comics ever and just be able to talk shit yeah he's probably you know he's probably like in my top three favorite stand -up comics of all time and he's so quick he's a great guy he's a great he's a great guy the two greatest people uh in my life in comedy have been norm and spade they've just been so good to me and i love them both and they're both equally hilarious in different ways but norm i'll never forget how quick he was and good he was at hosting that podcast we had larry king on one time and larry was like uh norm i don't think they're going to give you a show like you know the way because he was just fucking outlandish saying the most crazy fucking shit to Larry King.

[2854] And Larry's like, you know what, Norm?

[2855] He's like 50 years in the radio business.

[2856] So the one thing I learned is I rarely talk.

[2857] I always listen.

[2858] That's why I always learn from the guests because I'm always listening.

[2859] And Norm goes, can I interrupt you there?

[2860] So I can't wait to come back with this podcast.

[2861] Norm is the hidden king of the internet.

[2862] If he decided to have a podcast, it would be the biggest podcast of all time.

[2863] If he just did it on a regular basis.

[2864] I know.

[2865] We just need to get motivated.

[2866] He's buck wild, dude.

[2867] He is.

[2868] And he's always been.

[2869] Always.

[2870] There's whatever the filter, it doesn't even screw in his head.

[2871] No. Like, there's not, there's no filter.

[2872] There was never a place for it.

[2873] He's the Charles Manson, a comedy.

[2874] No, he loves Manson.

[2875] Does he really?

[2876] Yeah, we're going to, we'll definitely get O 'Neill on.

[2877] No way.

[2878] He's a Manson fiend?

[2879] Huge.

[2880] How much does he know about the case?

[2881] I think he knows.

[2882] I'm sure he's read the book several times.

[2883] You think he's read that book, that chaos book?

[2884] Okay.

[2885] Yeah.

[2886] Good.

[2887] I need to talk to him about it.

[2888] Yeah, you have to.

[2889] Well, listen, brother.

[2890] Dude, I can't thank you enough.

[2891] Always good to see you.

[2892] But we got to do this in the VIP bar.

[2893] Yes.

[2894] Next time I see you, I hope we're at the comedy store in the shows.

[2895] Tell everybody your Instagram so I can tell you.

[2896] Oh, at Adam eBay.

[2897] Send me all the dickpicks.

[2898] Yeah, send me all the dickpicks.

[2899] At Adam eBay.

[2900] On Twitter and Instagram?

[2901] Or just Instagram?

[2902] Twitter at Adam Egett.

[2903] Instagram at Adam eBay.

[2904] All right, brother.

[2905] Thank you.

[2906] God bless you.

[2907] God bless you.

[2908] Praise Odin to you all.

[2909] Yes.

[2910] Bye.

[2911] Hail Bob.

[2912] Dude, thank you so much.

[2913] I was fucking terrified.

[2914] I hope I did.