171 - Live at the Bellco Theatre in Denver

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Go, goodbye.

[16] Is this on, is this on?

[17] Is this on?

[18] Is this on?

[19] Is this on?

[20] Is this on?

[21] Is this on?

[22] Is this on?

[23] I'm on, you're on.

[24] This is on.

[25] Is this the fucking Super Bowl?

[26] What's happening?

[27] Shit.

[28] Take us off camera three and four, please.

[29] Truly.

[30] No, wait.

[31] Is this fucking WrestleMania or what?

[32] That's right.

[33] Or cross -promoting to other interests.

[34] That's right.

[35] There's other interests in the world.

[36] That's where my husband is right now, WrestleMania.

[37] Yeah.

[38] He fucking ditched us.

[39] No, it's fine.

[40] He's got to live his life.

[41] Yeah.

[42] For one weekend a year.

[43] You're so generous that way.

[44] I am.

[45] It's nice.

[46] Wait, we should say.

[47] Oh, my God.

[48] Look at these.

[49] It's a giant Elvis head and a giant Frank George head.

[50] Oh, my God.

[51] It's all right.

[52] But she's really disappointed in you.

[53] I have to live with a pet who stares at me like, why can't you just feed me?

[54] Why can't you walk me again?

[55] Why can I get under the covers in your bed?

[56] These were delivered to us backstage.

[57] But we didn't make them through ourselves.

[58] That would be really weird.

[59] That would be so awesome.

[60] Have you finished your head?

[61] We are leaving tomorrow.

[62] Georgia, I'm not telling you again.

[63] You can't check it on the plane.

[64] You have to get there an hour early.

[65] So if we bought these seats on the plane, they wore seatbelt.

[66] Yeah, if you can bring your emotional support, puppy, I'm allowed to bring my emotional support giant cardboard cut out of my cat's head.

[67] My pet is the least emotionally supportive animal or being on this planet.

[68] Oh, mine is.

[69] There's been times where, like, you know when you're like, oh, I bet you my pet knows how I feel, knows my feelings?

[70] There's been times when things have happened and I'd be like in the kitchen crying, like leaning against the counter like, oh, fuck.

[71] And George literally walks through like.

[72] like, treats, treats, you're standing by the treat thing.

[73] If you're there and crying, you might as well grab me a treat.

[74] Maybe she, I want to defend her for a minute.

[75] Maybe she's like, you know what, you should try, treats.

[76] It always makes me feel better.

[77] You know what, if you're sad right now, I see you bawling in the, right by the treats.

[78] Try it.

[79] I think it's very clear that I enjoy my fucking treats.

[80] That's just the truth.

[81] Oh, thank you.

[82] I thank you and my spanks thank you so these say on the back we made these for the show but giant animal heads aren't allowed because you I guess you know the rules can have them oh thanks oh thanks oh this is kind of debris that you brought in and it was going to get thrown in a dumpster and they're like maybe they'll like them mine says security took these from us and then there's like a weird drawing of what kind of looks like a Pac -Man ghost and a talking bubble and then there's an arrow and it says that's a broken heart but I'm drunk that goes from you not because you're not allowed to have animalhood it's because they can tell you were shit -faced because you were standing in lobby like I regaise them yeah let me tell you let me tell you this is by Ben Niers by the way thank you Ben for making us that Salidi I can't read your name Salide sweetie oh yeah I'm sorry I can't reach the loge is being represented is that what that area is called upper balcony section double double F 25 now what the fuck do we do with these I don't know okay okay okay yeah yeah you're not drunk are you okay thank you we want these back we want we won't leave up Speaking of drunk secrets, I just remember last night when we were getting back to the hotel, we fucking literally ran into a person that was drunk Karen.

[83] It was.

[84] It was amazing.

[85] Her name was Kate.

[86] Yeah.

[87] And she was, but here's the thing.

[88] She was repping.

[89] It wasn't sloppy.

[90] It was very pulled together.

[91] Her outfit looks.

[92] Stop it.

[93] I'm saying on the slop scale, including the fact that she, we walked by there, because we were just walking.

[94] and back in the lobby.

[95] And she looks and goes, you too!

[96] That's how the conversation started.

[97] And she was like this, like adorable 23 -year -old, and she was, it was a bachelorette party.

[98] It was a bachelor fucking et party.

[99] Her outfit, her outfit, like, covered her vagina and her nipples.

[100] And, like, that was it.

[101] Actually, the fact that she was drunk and you couldn't see anything obscene, it was like, great.

[102] Is what I'm saying.

[103] Yeah, you're right.

[104] She had it pulled drunkenly together, which is the kind I like, where she's having a conversation.

[105] conversation with you.

[106] Like, we had a fun, active conversations.

[107] And then we were like, bye later's.

[108] And then she walked away.

[109] I was like, I think it, blah, blah.

[110] Like, she was able to hold it for us.

[111] And then when she turned to her insanely shit -faced, drunken bachelorette party friends who were holding the elevator so they could take pictures of themselves inside an elevator.

[112] They were about to go in the other way, we were like, you know, well, wait a minute, nope, out of there.

[113] We were like, circle up.

[114] We need a team meeting so we don't have to go into that elevator with those drunk girls.

[115] Kate literally goes, I have a secret to tell you, I swear to God I have a secret.

[116] And the secret was that her friends at work had been bragging that they were going to my favorite murder show that night.

[117] She took a photo and she's like, I'm going to show those fuckers.

[118] And I bet you this morning she looked at her phone and was like, what the fuck?

[119] How did that happen?

[120] I bet she didn't remember.

[121] She's like, who is walking around Phoenix with cardboard cutouts of those two?

[122] Those two.

[123] Those two.

[124] I like it when, here's my favorite thing.

[125] you don't have to abide by these rules in any way but um if you want to i like it if you talk to me like we just were talking two minutes ago and now we're talking a little bit more that's the most natural way to talk to a stranger that isn't like you don't go like or go like okay check check your wallet make sure everything's fine it's just someone that's like oh my god you're already in the party we're now i always like do we have to go to this bachelorette party now did we just make permanent friends with Kate in that way where now we're in this till the bitter end.

[126] She was like, they're going to be mad that we're missing this bachelorette party and I think I went there going to get divorced anyway.

[127] I mean, this girl was so young, you guys.

[128] Wait till you're 49 to get married at least.

[129] Is that what you said?

[130] I don't know.

[131] Oh, or did you, were you trying to do a Stephen call out?

[132] Oh.

[133] I don't know.

[134] Seaman.

[135] He's not here.

[136] What about this?

[137] We have another giant thing.

[138] Denver, you're all about giant shit.

[139] Denver.

[140] Denver, there's a theme and we like it.

[141] Here we go.

[142] Hold on two.

[143] One and two.

[144] I pull in, you pull off.

[145] Three and four.

[146] We've got it.

[147] Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.

[148] We unroll.

[149] Is this the top?

[150] Yes.

[151] Look, it's a great thing, but we've also always wanted to be able to hold one of these.

[152] Ready?

[153] A giant check.

[154] It's a giant.

[155] The Denver murder.

[156] Look what you guys did.

[157] Good for Safe House, Denver.

[158] Actually, $4 ,000.

[159] Actually, $4 ,000, you guys.

[160] That's incredible.

[161] To the bank of SSDGM, and it says, stay saved and do God's mission.

[162] Amen.

[163] And then the memo.

[164] The memo says, hi, Mimi.

[165] Hi, Mimi.

[166] Oh, no, what if this is really their check number?

[167] What if they put their check number on accident on the actual check.

[168] Everyone's already taken a picture of it, and they're withdrawing from that checking account.

[169] Good job.

[170] Denver murderinos.

[171] Thank you Denver murderinos.

[172] Way to go.

[173] At making giant checks.

[174] We, and we're good at holding them.

[175] We're going to walk into Chase Bank tomorrow with that and demand they cash it.

[176] We saw that when we unrolled that.

[177] I got a little, it made me choke up a little bit.

[178] But all things considered, I also choked up because I read an article about Loretta Lynn's 40th or 50th anniversary in show business.

[179] I was like, God damn, she's been doing it over so.

[180] But she was telling me about it as I was putting my makeup on and I look up and I went, you're crying.

[181] Like telling me about it, she was crying.

[182] And then you unraveled the check and started crying again.

[183] It was kind of a disaster backstage.

[184] Look.

[185] And I was like, I'm on drugs.

[186] I was going to say, you should try a treat, but you already got those.

[187] No. That's the last thing I fucking need right now.

[188] I was just very moved because Amanda Shire, this is very sidebarry, but Amanda Shire's and Brandy Carlisle and two other women they did for Loretta Lynn they got together kind of a super group and did a bunch of her covers in front of her for her and it was the first time they'd ever performed as a band and they fucking apparently knocked it out of the park none of this is relevant or interesting to you but it made me cry and everything is therapy to me so shut up speaking of this is my favorite murder of the podcast oh hi This is Georgia Hartstark Do you want to talk about your outfit at all?

[189] Tell us stuff Let us hear that Oh yeah This old thing What did you call them shoes last night?

[190] These are my old nun shoes Full nun shoes My evil nun shoes These are the kind of shoes In the 90s I would wear them My Aunt Ping would say Oh are those are your orthopedic shoes You got something wrong with your feet I'm like, now I'm cool, shut up.

[191] I don't know what to say except for that I got this.

[192] Because I have to wear things other than pajamas all day in public because of trout face.

[193] I was like, just every piece of clothing I find is the worst.

[194] And my friend's like, just let me recommend some stylists because it was what she did for a living.

[195] And I got Adele's stylist.

[196] Not a stylist from a Dell computer.

[197] Adele's.

[198] Because it kind of sounded like that.

[199] Yeah, she designed a silver box laptop that weighed like 22 pounds in 1997.

[200] So she got me all these dresses and this one is from a brand called Eloquy who gave it to me for free.

[201] Yes.

[202] How about your beautiful dress?

[203] My dress and my shoes and my toe bandage.

[204] Can we get a close up on the toe bandage?

[205] Everybody.

[206] No. I'm going to get in so much trouble from my, you know I just took the bandage off myself and I'm this close to taking the stitches out myself.

[207] Do not.

[208] What is wrong with me?

[209] You love sepsis.

[210] That's what it is.

[211] You want a good infection.

[212] I really do.

[213] Right in that bone.

[214] Do not do it.

[215] Okay.

[216] Like the third day she had, she texts me a picture of the bandage off.

[217] Can I tell this?

[218] Absolutely.

[219] And then she goes, I'm rebranding, I'm rebrandaging it with a panty liner.

[220] I was a job.

[221] I was a genius.

[222] And I was like, yeah, it's like, um, you know, healed.

[223] And like fucking...

[224] You're like mash.

[225] It's like triage.

[226] Yeah.

[227] I felt like such a feminist show.

[228] And you know, it is clean.

[229] It's clean and it wasn't scented.

[230] So it's not like it has all these chemicals.

[231] Good.

[232] Yes.

[233] Great.

[234] Promo code murder.

[235] The darn things got wings.

[236] The darn things got wings.

[237] Somebody, because of that reference, somebody fucking sent us.

[238] They found it?

[239] Yeah.

[240] Well, it was a real.

[241] of basically tampon commercials from the 80s, and it's one of the funniest things of all time.

[242] We should start playing that before our shows, just on the video, of just hand after hand, pouring blue liquid onto a maxi pad, just over, why?

[243] Women being told they can play fucking tennis in a giant pad over, ride a horse, ride a horse, bleed all over, a horse is back.

[244] It's what they say in the commercial, because it wasn't my ideas.

[245] I wish they would do like a real commercial where it's like you gotta lay around all you fucking want in this giant pad there's no blue liquid involved but you might cry about Loretta Lynn.

[246] Get ready get ready The truth about period we're bringing it across the nation we got to come out with our own tampas that are just like slop around wear this on the outside type of shit No, stop it We would never do that Please think of the men in the audience tonight Please For once in your lives ladies For once will you This podcast please consider How disgusting You are Should we sit down?

[247] Is it time?

[248] I guess Okay Oh Thanks Yes Look at that Yeah How about these bad boys Minds me my days up in the bar the usual which is anything it doesn't matter pour it all into one glass it tastes the same to me it's called a Long Island ice tea it's called I started at three try to beat me you're the bartender what are we doing okay we also I mean not to tell you every single private thing about us but we also did split a four hour energy shot I've never it's not It's not an off -brand version of not five -hour.

[249] Is it a seven -hour energy shot?

[250] It is now.

[251] I can't handle it.

[252] We're trying two and a half.

[253] Anyway, it's five.

[254] Just a five -hour.

[255] Yeah.

[256] Oh, God, we should start an off -brand one called four -hour energy.

[257] We're like, it's a little bit chiller, but it'll get you through that test.

[258] I've never had it before.

[259] Oh, get ready.

[260] And it was, like, I feel like I am.

[261] And that's the problem.

[262] that I have, there is this kind of feeling of like, it's like the roller coaster starting.

[263] Yeah.

[264] We're not moving, right?

[265] We're not.

[266] Well, we're in high altitude, so maybe that was a mistake.

[267] Oh, yeah.

[268] I said that right after I took a sip of it.

[269] I was like, oh, too late now.

[270] Well, there you go.

[271] We were in the backseat on the way over here, and I was like, look what I have in my purse.

[272] And I was like, let's do it before.

[273] And it sounded like I was trying to get Karen to do a meth.

[274] She goes, let's do it before the show.

[275] And I was like, I've never done it before.

[276] And I was like, oh, it's great.

[277] It's the best, and I'm sure our drive -in -way, it's by that energy.

[278] Like, I just didn't want to drive to think we were talking about meth.

[279] We're old and boring.

[280] Anyway, meth is making a comeback, everybody.

[281] It's for fun and young people.

[282] It went away for a while, remember?

[283] No, you don't, because it hasn't.

[284] Do you want to tell everyone about...

[285] I can't...

[286] Sorry.

[287] I don't want to see it.

[288] Okay.

[289] Guys, this is a true crime.

[290] comedy podcast.

[291] Thank you.

[292] We agree.

[293] Thank you.

[294] We feel the needs to explain at the beginning because everybody that listens to this podcast comes to our live shows.

[295] Thank you so much for doing that.

[296] It's so fun and exciting, but many of you insist upon bringing people who do not listen to this podcast and don't necessarily like the idea of this podcast.

[297] I don't know why.

[298] It seems rude.

[299] It seems like you need to go to therapy, but on your own time to those people, we call you drag -alongs, and we just want to tell you that if you are offended by the idea of true crime and comedy going together, we understand because those two things, the worst thing that could happen to somebody and comedy do not belong together.

[300] It's not appropriate, and we don't think it's appropriate.

[301] We don't think murder is funny.

[302] We just think we're funny.

[303] And we like to have fun, and the way We process the thing that we're obsessed with because we've both been obsessed with true crime since we were like 12 years old.

[304] And we like to look at the worst things in the world and try to see if we can cope with them.

[305] But a lot of the ways we cope with them is through comedy and humor.

[306] And so if that offends you, we invite you cordially to get the fuck out right now.

[307] Your friend will meet you in the lobby by the merch table afterwards.

[308] If you could go get us four more five -hour energy drinks.

[309] Four of the five I feel very hot right now Did you?

[310] Uh oh Feel right My neck Am I really hot?

[311] Oh shit You're having an iron rush This is stage one man Just when I stopped wearing Did you see that dragon?

[312] I just stopped wearing antiperspirant And that's what This is a bad time to do that You're going straight deodorant or none at all Straight deodorant I would never offend anyone that way By doing none Is it pretty bad?

[313] I love it But Wait your own body odor or the deodorant?

[314] My own body odor.

[315] Okay.

[316] No, that makes sense.

[317] You made it.

[318] I made it.

[319] Be proud.

[320] It's beautiful.

[321] It's me. I just happen to smell like fucking lavender all the time.

[322] Okay.

[323] Sorry.

[324] I'm sorry.

[325] All the girls of school hate me. Stammy bump.

[326] Hey, this is exciting.

[327] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[328] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[329] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[330] Who killed Saz?

[331] And were they really after Charles?

[332] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[333] This season, murder hits close to home.

[334] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[335] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[336] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[337] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[338] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Dayvine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[339] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[340] Goodbye.

[341] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[342] Absolutely.

[343] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[344] Exactly.

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[347] That's right.

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[355] Connect with customers inline and online.

[356] Do retail right with Shopify.

[357] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[358] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[359] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[360] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[361] Goodbye.

[362] I think you're first tonight.

[363] Woo!

[364] Yes.

[365] Thank you.

[366] Denver.

[367] Denver.

[368] You guys are so good to us.

[369] You're number one, truly.

[370] We like it here a lot.

[371] Yeah.

[372] Not just because weed is very legal.

[373] I'm going to do the kidnapping of Adolf Coors, the third.

[374] Oh, yeah.

[375] This is one of those things that you're like, I've heard about something about a beer and a kidnapping, and you didn't really know if you're not from here.

[376] But now I know.

[377] You do too, but I'm going to tell you anyways.

[378] That's what it's all about on this show.

[379] I'm going to retell you the story you know worse than you heard of.

[380] it the first time.

[381] Let's see what happens.

[382] That's right.

[383] Catch the mistakes.

[384] And don't tell me, though.

[385] I don't want to hear the mistakes.

[386] No, of course not.

[387] Okay.

[388] Oh, I got a lot of information from a forensic files episode, and there's a Denver Post article by Kevin Vaughn that's really great too.

[389] So, oh, man, I took some notes, I forgot to write them down.

[390] Okay.

[391] Okay.

[392] The name of the book, the fucking Do you want to enter your memory palace right now?

[393] I don't have one.

[394] Okay.

[395] It's been desegrated.

[396] Why?

[397] By years and years of invaders.

[398] Yeah.

[399] The Coors family.

[400] I've heard of them.

[401] Okay.

[402] Enjoyed their products.

[403] Really a fan.

[404] Truly.

[405] Is it Coors that your dad likes?

[406] No, but wiser.

[407] Okay.

[408] I know.

[409] I did the...

[410] Look.

[411] Listen.

[412] Look and listen.

[413] And drink your fucking beer.

[414] I did this...

[415] Can I just do an impression of my dad's?

[416] If my dad had to be here to defend himself right now, he'd go.

[417] hey, this ain't happy birthday.

[418] It doesn't mean anything.

[419] He's been saying it to me all my life.

[420] It's scary and weird and intimidating.

[421] It makes you stop talking.

[422] And then it makes you think for like four days where it's like, it's not his birthday or my birthday?

[423] Or like, what's the threat here?

[424] What's happening?

[425] Yeah.

[426] And so then, but it worked.

[427] It calmed you down.

[428] It works.

[429] That's a takeaway for all of you.

[430] Take that home and use it at will.

[431] Okay, well, so here's what happened.

[432] We talked about Coors and Bud and the thing, and Vince's favorite beer is Coors.

[433] He always gets Coors backstage, right?

[434] Because Laura Colgerer's favorite beer is Coors.

[435] Right.

[436] As is Adrian Colesingham's, who's here tonight, my other sister, what's up?

[437] They're Coors Light people.

[438] I am a terrible wife and can never remember if it's Coors or Bud Weiss are going to be like.

[439] So the other night I was like, I was like ordering a bottle of wine, And I was like, I'm going to surprise him with the thing.

[440] Is it Budweiser or is it Coors?

[441] And I was like, I should text Karen and ask her.

[442] And I'm like, no, I know it's Budweiser.

[443] Oh.

[444] And I brought it home and he's like, no, I'll drink anything.

[445] He's so sweet.

[446] How long have you guys been together?

[447] Long time.

[448] Very long time.

[449] Very long time.

[450] I think it's, just keep it fresh.

[451] I think you're keeping it fresh.

[452] Nobody should make any assumptions in a relationship.

[453] Well, now I'll just think kidnapping, Coors.

[454] Vince loves kidnapping.

[455] yes loves Coors right now I know okay the Coors family has been making beer in their golden Colorado breweries since 1873 good job golden Colorado it's as they were Prussian immigrants and they turned it into they have since turned into the fifth largest brewery in the world but back in like 1960 it was kind of a still a mom -and -pot like not a like a family -owned local big -time brewery and that was like whatever I want that loved you know um she doesn't have to tell you your dad drank it up your grandpa you remember okay by 1960 your mom let's just say it by 1960 44 44 year old ad off who went by ad good i think that's a great call anybody in this room named adolf don't be afraid to call yourself ad and walk away from that full name yeah i mean it's because he was adolf course the third So they were like, nope, we're going to keep using that name.

[456] Yeah.

[457] We don't care.

[458] We had it before.

[459] We're going to do it after.

[460] You're not the boss of us.

[461] Sorry.

[462] We make beer.

[463] We don't like the name, Stuart.

[464] You can fucking keep it.

[465] Right?

[466] Yes.

[467] Okay, so he's the grandson of the founder, and he's the CEO of the company now in 1960.

[468] He's a father of four, and he's one of the state's best known and most influential citizens.

[469] Harry, that's not him.

[470] What the hell is that?

[471] That's mine.

[472] What did you do?

[473] This is, well, it just gave it away.

[474] Oh, shit!

[475] Jay fucked up.

[476] Oh, I think he thought I meant.

[477] No, that was me. What?

[478] Stephen, you didn't do anything.

[479] Steven, you're fired.

[480] Stephen, you're fired.

[481] Shit, did we just give away your story?

[482] Yeah.

[483] Oh, no, I don't know what it is.

[484] Oh, good.

[485] That's all that matters in this podcast world.

[486] What do we do now?

[487] What happened?

[488] Are they all yours?

[489] Let's check it out.

[490] Look.

[491] Okay.

[492] Okay, stop.

[493] Oh, stop, stop.

[494] Was that him?

[495] Yeah, stop.

[496] Okay.

[497] He thought I meant as a bit at the top.

[498] Okay, do you want to explain it now or wait till later?

[499] It's not a bit at the top.

[500] It's for my story.

[501] I used the wrong language.

[502] I was crying about country music.

[503] I don't know.

[504] Why do I have to keep justifying what I do to you?

[505] Well, I don't know what that is, and I'm excited to find out.

[506] Okay.

[507] But in the meantime.

[508] Just know that we're never going to look at it again because I would have to go back through all your pictures to get to it.

[509] Right.

[510] So should we study it now?

[511] No. Well, there's eight off course.

[512] Look at this guy.

[513] There's eight off course.

[514] Pretty hot.

[515] Remember last night when I put up a lineup of, I put up a lineup of like three convicts and Karen was like, I guess I'd pick that one.

[516] You don't have to pick one.

[517] I'm permanently in sixth grade.

[518] I can't, I don't, you line up three guy pictures and you have to marry one.

[519] I call that one.

[520] That's Ad -off.

[521] Ad.

[522] Let's call him Ad.

[523] Let's call him Ad.

[524] A .D. Ad -Rock.

[525] I wish that tie was a little wider, but other than that, he's great.

[526] You're good with it.

[527] All right.

[528] So on the morning of February 9th, 1960, Adolf Coors gets into his station wagon and starts his normal drive from his home west of Denver to the brewery 12 miles away in Golden, Colorado.

[529] Sorry, really quick.

[530] He is the heir to the Coors.

[531] fortune and he drives a station wagon.

[532] I just want to say, keeping it real, add the third, keeping it real.

[533] That's right.

[534] Later that day, a milkman, he never makes it to work, and later that day, a milkman finds Coors abandoned station wagon on the dilapidated one -lane Turkey Creek bridge.

[535] Oh, that bridge is so scary.

[536] It's so dilapidated.

[537] It's so dilapidated.

[538] It's just like one car, So you got, you know, you have to wait for other cars.

[539] And every, every monsoon season, they have to re -weave it as a village.

[540] Sorry, I've been watching a lot of National Geographic lately.

[541] Okay.

[542] So they find the car and the engine still running and the radio's on.

[543] Uh -oh.

[544] Uh -oh.

[545] When investigators arrive, they find a large blood stain in the dirt, and in the creek below, they find a lens from Adolf Kour's glasses and two hats.

[546] One is his baseball cap.

[547] He's also wearing a baseball cap, but so down to her.

[548] I know.

[549] And a pipe?

[550] I don't know.

[551] And whistling?

[552] Okay.

[553] I mean.

[554] And they also find a brown fedora, a mysterious brown fedora.

[555] I mean, when a brown fedora is not mysterious.

[556] True.

[557] Could he have been wearing the baseball hat over the fedora?

[558] Like, I'm going to go to work today and change it up at lunch and freak everybody out.

[559] Like, was he a fun loving course?

[560] Maybe he was like, I'm going to show them that I wear a lot of different hats in this business, in his company.

[561] And he has to hold his finger exactly like this.

[562] I'm going to show him.

[563] Get ready for this, guys.

[564] It's a play on words about the thing I put on intentionally.

[565] The worst kind of comedy.

[566] Okay, so the Sheriff's Department issue in all points bulletin for Adolf Coors, but no one reports seeing him.

[567] And the next morning, his wife receives a typed letter in the mail, and it's a ransom note that reads, Mrs. Coors, your husband has been kidnapped.

[568] His car is by Turkey Creek.

[569] We know.

[570] Call the police or FBI.

[571] He dies.

[572] Cooperate, he lives.

[573] Doesn't this sound like the John Vennay Ramsey?

[574] Yeah, it does.

[575] It's creepy.

[576] We have no desire to commit murder.

[577] All that we want is, here's my emphasis, that money.

[578] Yeah, all we want is that money.

[579] Deliver immediately after receiving call.

[580] Any delay will be regarded as a stall to set up a stakeout.

[581] If you follow the instructions, he will be released unharmed within 48 hours after the money is received.

[582] So, the letter's unsigned, the kidnappers' demand is half a million dollars for Coors' safe return, and it instructs Mrs. Coors to take out a classified ad for a tractor in the Denver Post, and that's how he'll know that she received it, and she's like, let's do it.

[583] For, like, to sell a tractor?

[584] Yeah, like a trick -o - you know.

[585] Sure.

[586] Does that make sense?

[587] Yes.

[588] Sorry, that was the kidnapper's idea.

[589] The kidnapper was like, so I know you get this.

[590] Put an ad for a tractor.

[591] And don't put, I'm like, hey, kidnapper.

[592] Picture of a tractor, please return my husband.

[593] Don't do that part.

[594] No, it's like, be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.

[595] Yeah, be cool.

[596] Be cool, like tractors are cool.

[597] Okay, great, got it.

[598] Be cool.

[599] So the, oh, do, do, do, da, da.

[600] Okay, after the kidnapping and murder of the Lindberg baby you back in 1932.

[601] Oh, you don't have to tell me. I know that.

[602] I mean.

[603] Did I get you wet?

[604] I'm sorry.

[605] Okay, that's what these are.

[606] Oh, we each have our own towel.

[607] I know, I took yours.

[608] I'm sorry.

[609] It's great.

[610] It's like Rocky.

[611] When we finish up, who?

[612] Just put one under.

[613] That actually helped.

[614] Okay.

[615] Did you hear?

[616] Just in case, just in case.

[617] Can you spill your soup?

[618] Crumbs.

[619] Oh, man, I slept with so many tortilla chip crumbs in my bed last night.

[620] And I got out of bed this morning.

[621] It was like, oh, I'm gross.

[622] That's the beauty of hotel living.

[623] What's the beauty of your husband can't come to this one weekend?

[624] Yeah, so you're like, chip bed.

[625] It's disgusting, yeah.

[626] It's pretty great.

[627] You actually put chips in the bed, where you're like, you guys, go to sleep.

[628] I already told you.

[629] Five more minutes.

[630] I'm turning out that light.

[631] Then she eats them real fast.

[632] Oh.

[633] I thought everyone had the same.

[634] I'm eating disorder is me. We do.

[635] Anthropramorphize your testitos with me. That's your new book.

[636] Sorry, I'm not talking anymore, and you are talking.

[637] I love 17 -hour energy drinks.

[638] Call us five -hour energy.

[639] Okay, here's what happened.

[640] Okay, after the Lindberg baby in kidnapping in 1932, when we all know, we listen to Karen's story, the Lindberg baby got killed or was murdered but kidnapping had become a federal offense great that's a great idea that is a good plan so Simpson um so ad of course eight of course junior ad off the three's father too yeah so junior called three's father too oops okay calls up his best buddy because remember the rich white men J. Edgar Hoover personally.

[641] Okay.

[642] And he's like, yo, can you help me out, bro?

[643] And he's like, hold on, let me take my slip off really quick.

[644] I'm not kinkshaming.

[645] I wish he had done it more, and then he would have been less of a weird creep.

[646] So the FBI, of course, like, sweeps right in.

[647] They take over the investigation.

[648] The Coors family tells the investigators that they'll do fucking anything to get their husband and father home safely.

[649] The family is worth millions, so money's not an issue.

[650] Let's fucking do this.

[651] They get the ransom money together, and they buy the weird tractor out that we don't really understand.

[652] And they wipe by the telephone for instructions on where to deliver it, but the kidnapper never contacts them again.

[653] So that's not fair.

[654] No. I wonder, yeah, that's not cool.

[655] The FBI's document an analysis study, the type ransom note.

[656] Okay.

[657] They study the type ransom note, and they dust it for fingerprints, They don't find any, and they, you know, they do the whole thing that we all know they do now, which is like, look for weird type thingies and be like, what manufacturer of typewriter is this?

[658] Let's go back and see who bought those in the past two months and stuff.

[659] Stuff we know, but like in 1960, I think that wasn't so common.

[660] So they find, and they also know this, there's no typos or messed up keystrokes.

[661] So, like, this person's smart.

[662] Or a secretary.

[663] Right.

[664] So they figure out the typewriter is from a manufacturer called Royalite Printable Type, It's sold widely in department stores and other outlets throughout the U .S. They start looking for the typewriter to match with this description.

[665] And meanwhile, they have a couple other leads to pursue.

[666] The most promising is one from a man who had seen a car parked near the kidnapping site on the day of the kidnapping.

[667] This dude had been near your favorite bridge, Turkey Creek Bridge.

[668] Oh, I just can't even think about it.

[669] Don't cry.

[670] She's dilapidated one way.

[671] So here's what he was doing out there.

[672] He was guarding his minds.

[673] Yeah, guarding his minds.

[674] He was a miner, and he was guarding his minds.

[675] Oh, I've actually, like, this is a really obscure photo I found of him.

[676] Wait, that's, no, wait, that's the ransom note.

[677] He's really thin.

[678] I was able to find this really obscure photo of him.

[679] Nice.

[680] Remember in the airport this morning when I started cracking up and hit my laptop from you and go, don't look, don't look, don't look.

[681] And you're like, what's wrong with you?

[682] And I'm like, nothing.

[683] It was because of this guy.

[684] I try to tell Georgia over and over, like when I know my glasses on, you could hold up the entire story and I wouldn't be able to read it.

[685] And still, anytime she's got something like this going, and she's like, don't look!

[686] Don't look!

[687] I don't want to ruin a surprise!

[688] They don't work.

[689] you're safe so he's guarding his mind as you do you want to talk about him some more well no I was just gonna is that from like a sugar corn pops box or something like a shutter stock help the miner out of his how to find Alfred Coors is the third it's illegal for me to have this yeah and use it and make shirts of it but you mean our new merch our new merch that's how they went broke they got sued they got sued by that little fucking minor but sorry can i just ask who was protecting his mines he was who's he the minor i know wait what oh no oh no is but where did the minor come from in the story he's under the bridge yeah he's like near the bridge he's around he's in and of the bridge and the area surrounding the bridge okay there's probably a mine right there and he's and he's there that day.

[690] Okay.

[691] Maybe there was a threat going on.

[692] I don't know.

[693] Maybe it was coyotes.

[694] I don't know.

[695] Somebody, a coyote typed up a letter to the miner.

[696] You better watch that fucking mine.

[697] Yeah, I want to add it for a tractor.

[698] Okay.

[699] So he, this dude had been hanging out there.

[700] Okay.

[701] Protecting his goddam mines.

[702] With a big smile on us there.

[703] And he saw a car there.

[704] It was an early 1950s model of a mercury sedan that was like bright, And he had remembered part of the license plate because he was paranoid and fucking thought it was someone coming to disturb his minds.

[705] Sorry, but it's 1960 something, right?

[706] Yeah, 60.

[707] I mean, like, I'm sorry, isn't being a minor kind of old -fashioned?

[708] Is he like a time traveler?

[709] He would get angry when people would come to disturb his minds.

[710] Picture comedy.

[711] Best feeling I've ever had is what I found these photos.

[712] Somebody was all over Gettie images, just cartoon, minor, angry minor.

[713] Do we have more?

[714] No. Sorry.

[715] I just, that's it.

[716] Because there hasn't been a minor around here in 25 years.

[717] It's getting hacky.

[718] We need fresh ones.

[719] We need fresh ones.

[720] No, it's not.

[721] That's it.

[722] That's just it.

[723] So he had the partial license plate, and the police find four mercury sedans with that same partial license plate.

[724] The FBI checks all of them out in one catches.

[725] their attention.

[726] It's registered to a man named Walter Osborne, who had bought the car just a month earlier, and when they go to Osborne's apartment in downtown Denver, it's empty.

[727] He'd move out the day after the kidnapping and left no forwarding address.

[728] Guilty.

[729] So, a maid who cleaned his room said she had seen guns in his room, and a paperback copy of Robert Travers' book, Anademy of a murder, is inconspicuously laying in the room.

[730] What's interesting coincidentally, is that the cover of anatomy of a murder is that angry minor.

[731] It's not weird and unnerving?

[732] Sorry.

[733] The dumpster behind the apartment, the investigators find empty boxes for a pair of handcuffs and leg restraints.

[734] Agents dust the room for prints, and when they find prints, and when they run them 1960 style, so I don't know how and where.

[735] They had eight other prints to check them against.

[736] Yeah.

[737] They match not a dude name Osborne, but a guy named Joseph Corbett.

[738] He's a 31 -year -old man. He's a convicted killer, and he escaped from fucking prison.

[739] Whoa.

[740] Oh, shit.

[741] The cops are like, well, time to go to the bar, right?

[742] I mean, that's it.

[743] Free course?

[744] Let's go get our free cores that we're going to get.

[745] So this dude, Joseph Corbett, he's actually a Fulbright scholar with a genius level like you.

[746] It's like 150 or something.

[747] Nice.

[748] Hi.

[749] Hey.

[750] Yeah.

[751] He attended University of Oregon.

[752] He had been on track for medical.

[753] That's right.

[754] I mean.

[755] He was on track for medical school, but then he got into a fight with, he had like picked up a hitchhiking Air Force Sergeant and shot him in 1951.

[756] He claims it was self -defense, but the man had been shot in the back of the head.

[757] But you can always.

[758] Wait, the man had been shot in the back.

[759] What do you mean?

[760] Yeah, but that guy pulled a gun real fast over his shoulder.

[761] Self -defense.

[762] Got it.

[763] I'm just trying to explore all the options that are possible in criminology.

[764] We're basically detectives.

[765] Yeah.

[766] So he says it was to self -defense.

[767] He's convicted for second -degree murder.

[768] He's incarcerated at San Quentin for a bunch of years.

[769] And during a prison transfer to a minimum security facility, he fucking escapes.

[770] That's right.

[771] And he makes his way to Colorado under that alias William Osborne.

[772] And he had been planning the kidnapping for like two and a half years.

[773] He was so angry at wealthy people and he wanted to be wealthy so bad.

[774] He picked someone he could kidnap and get money.

[775] And that was like his only fucking thing for two and a half years.

[776] But he didn't do a great job of it because he had like a yellow car that he left the license plate on.

[777] And he did all and like the type right.

[778] He did all of these things that were like not a full bright scholar.

[779] level criminal.

[780] Hey, just because you get the full bright scholarship doesn't mean you have good taste in car colors.

[781] That's right.

[782] Those fools always they'll fall for the yellow car.

[783] That's true.

[784] Can I get that convertible Mustang in bright yellow?

[785] Always spring for the, what, navy blue?

[786] Yeah, you gotta go.

[787] Navy blue with pinstripes.

[788] So, the landlord at the apartment identifies Corbett through his mugshot and the man as the man who rented the apartment and a resident Corbett's Reminghouse tells the FBI he often heard Corbett typing late into the night, which was like I bet a lot of people did back then.

[789] But also, like, I had a neighbor who typed all the time, and I bet and it was the most fucking annoying thing in that world.

[790] You're like, stop being a fucking hipster and get a laptop and stop clonking away on your fucking typewriter, you fucking hipster douchebag.

[791] Yeah.

[792] Yeah.

[793] You know?

[794] If you type write.

[795] Listen, if you type write, not past o 'clock please all right yeah control your passions you know what I mean it's like that's why the movie atonement bugged me so much because like 11 minutes in I was just like someone cut the typing right now and it that was like the theme throughout the whole thing it's not good it's not pleasant no um okay so and then so they oh they find the typewriter but you know they find the person who bought it and he's like yep that's him he bought it with cash he gets fingered for it's totally him um so the fbi puts at an all points bulletin for joseph corbett's 1951 mercury sedan bright fucking yellow um eight days later 17 900 typewriter air spray it on the spray painted on the top shit that could have been great it's a mercury cougar yeah and then someone has taken the spray paint of some kind yeah whether it's spray or air it's none of my business and painted a typewriter on the hood of a car is my joke.

[796] No, don't.

[797] I just so...

[798] No. Getty images number five.

[799] Yes.

[800] And so, 1 ,700 miles away, eight days later, in New Jersey, in Atlantic City, police find the yellow car burning in a dump.

[801] Oh.

[802] Yeah.

[803] And the interior is pretty destroyed, and there aren't any license plates on it.

[804] He finally figured out to take off the fucking license plate.

[805] But the serial number, of course, identifies the car as belonging to Walter Osborne, a .k .a. Joseph Corbett.

[806] So, investigators.

[807] Now, it's 1960, you remember, and so they find four layers of soil on the car's undercarriage, and they, because he's rich and white, they investigate further.

[808] Hold on.

[809] No, you deserve a swig of that water for that comment.

[810] It's vodka.

[811] Okay.

[812] So, they, like, test the fucking soil in 1960, which is, like, such it seems like such a modern thing to do.

[813] And the most recent soil samples is obviously from New Jersey.

[814] The second layer is from a drive across the country.

[815] The oldest one, number four, or number one, I guess.

[816] That sample is obviously from the Turkey Creek Bridge near Korra's Ranch.

[817] They can tile it's all like the same.

[818] But then they take a soil sample from the third one, and it's a, okay, listen, I'm going to read, Soil sample on top of the shale is from the area where Corbett took Adolf Cors after the abduction.

[819] That's what they are hypothesizing.

[820] And there's all this granite -flect with pink feldspar.

[821] And they can...

[822] Yes.

[823] You know what I mean?

[824] Yes, I do.

[825] That's a great indicator.

[826] Yep, yep.

[827] The feldspar is there.

[828] We know.

[829] We're from Denver.

[830] We've got the feldspar, everybody.

[831] It's there.

[832] The FBI agents take 612 samples of dirt and soil from the Denver and surrounding areas, hoping to find a match.

[833] And they find it similar to Pikes Peak Granite.

[834] Planet.

[835] No, but that Pikes Peak is amazing granite.

[836] Well, fuck you up.

[837] You know that's the name of a strain.

[838] Right.

[839] Pikes Peak Granite, it better be.

[840] So it's on the front range of the Rocky Mountains, about 10 miles west of Colorado Springs.

[841] But the...

[842] You love those springs.

[843] But the area's fucking...

[844] huge and so they search everywhere from mines to mines to houses and empty buildings but they come up empty during the spring and summer of 1960 there's still no answers core's 14 year old son adolph number four they will not let it go they are determined to change the they're indignant yeah he recalls crying himself to sleep every night eight months after the kidnapping a man target shooting at a Douglas County dump discovers clothing dumps.

[845] They, no, they are fun.

[846] Sorry, dumps are great.

[847] The Douglas County dump is amazing, and you're right to cheer for it.

[848] You're right.

[849] It's got all those seagulls.

[850] Where did they come from?

[851] Inland?

[852] So he's their target shooting, which sounds actually really fun.

[853] I love the dumps.

[854] I'm sorry.

[855] Well, I'm yelling.

[856] we also had coffee backstage too I'm sweating growing up in the country we had to go to the dumps to get rid of our garbage there was no like civic services or what did they call those so we just like had a trailer and you just kept throwing garbage bags into it and then my dad be like you want to go to the dumps with me and the answer had to be yes um sit with the trash yeah and so you just I would sit there and just scan when I would be sitting in the truck and he'd be sleeping out or just look out and scanning to see if I could see anything good.

[857] A body?

[858] You were looking for a body.

[859] I was, I want to say I was, but I would have gone for anything.

[860] A cabbage catch doll or some, any, just a point of interest.

[861] Because I'm off -plan cabbage patch doll.

[862] A cabbage catch doll.

[863] A cabbage catch doll.

[864] Oh, it's definitely the altitude.

[865] Yeah.

[866] That's what's great about this place, as you can blame everything on weed or altitude.

[867] so this dude who's fucking shooting and shit he finds clothes that match what Adolf Coors was wearing when he disappeared I know and an engraved penknit that belongs to Coors as well can you imagine out of all this shit he's like oh fuck and like that's really amazing probably look new it probably looked like that's that just got left here and a group of hunters find a human skull and bone scattered in the forest there are two holes in the shoulder blades caused by a high -speed projectile that corresponds with two holes that are found in the jacket that belong to cores.

[868] And the projectile had gone through the lungs, and that has what made it fatal.

[869] So the bones and skull are in pretty good condition, so they identify the reins with dental records and confirm the body belongs to Adolf Kores, the third.

[870] Isn't that fucking bananas?

[871] Yeah.

[872] How did I, how do we don't?

[873] It's crazy.

[874] Okay.

[875] So basically, the FBI, I surmises that what happened was that Corbett drove out to the secluded Turkey Creek Bridge.

[876] Oh yeah.

[877] You love it.

[878] To wait for Adokores and of course like blocked it was one lane so he just stopped I guess.

[879] Yeah, that's why that bridge is so fucking scary.

[880] Anyone can stop you.

[881] And he made it look like he'd broken down of course the old fucking ruse and then at some point it seems like that Corbett was going to try to kidnap him and not and like hold him for ransom for real but he was really bad at crime as we said yeah and so he didn't expect ad hocuras to put up a fight he fucking did and it seems like he was running back towards his car when he got shot twice in the back yeah also why would you it's like I want to kidnap someone and someone that won't put up a fight how about a captain of industry yeah how about someone that's like the grown fucking man who's had so many vitamins in his life he's just going to fight me I mean this isn't an argument for kidnapping smaller people.

[882] It is, though.

[883] No, it is.

[884] It is.

[885] Be smart about the people you grab.

[886] People who have iron poor blood.

[887] People who have bad bone density.

[888] People on Boniva.

[889] I'm just saying, help yourself.

[890] We can't do it for you.

[891] You have to do it yourself.

[892] It's a real DIY industry out there.

[893] It really is.

[894] The kidnapping.

[895] Yeah.

[896] Cut that, Stephen.

[897] Please.

[898] We'll not be held culpable.

[899] we refuse so where was I okay so they think he panicked and shot Adolf Coors the geological evidence shows that Corbett drove to the Rocky Mountains 45 minutes away to dump the body and it was an area that that guy was familiar with as a hunter he left town the next day drove to New Jersey set his fucking car on fire and latered out of there so he becomes like the most wanted man obviously I don't know what photos I have let's take a look oh that's that bridge Oh, holy shit, look at it.

[900] It's so scary.

[901] No, look away.

[902] No, look back at it.

[903] Look at those old cars, those poor horses, and that bridge.

[904] Those horses are like, we've been waiting here for 45 minutes.

[905] It's like, we've got to get this bridge two -way.

[906] I think that's his car, that sedan, or the, what did I call it, station wagon?

[907] The Maverick?

[908] No, that's pretty suck and sweet.

[909] God, that car looks a million miles long.

[910] How do you parallel park that thing?

[911] You don't.

[912] You're a man. You just leave it in the middle of the street.

[913] It's the 1960s.

[914] You don't give a fuck.

[915] And then...

[916] You just throw your keys to whoever's walking by.

[917] Take care of that, will you?

[918] All right.

[919] And this is the site where the...

[920] Oh, no. So it's just a pointless crime.

[921] It is a pointless death.

[922] Yeah.

[923] Not to say that if he got the money, it wouldn't be...

[924] No, no, but I mean...

[925] Yeah.

[926] No, it's really awful.

[927] It's like they took this father of four and from all accounts.

[928] he was this lovely man and like a wonderful husband and father and this fucking asshole just did this because he was angry at society for his place in life which was that he was a genius and fucked up it wasn't even like he was poor and couldn't do shit he was like in college God get it together I couldn't even do that I mean he was such a great typist the world was his oyster that's true so yes totally so Jay Edgar Hoover calls Corbett the most wanted man in America And for seven fucking months, Joseph Corbett successfully evades capture in one of the largest manhunts in American criminal history since John Dillinger.

[929] Wow.

[930] And yet I hadn't heard of it.

[931] History.

[932] Okay.

[933] Finally, a woman in Vancouver, Canada, sees the U .S. press reports and calls the FBI saying that a man matching his description is living in her apartment building.

[934] And she's like, I'm going to go stay in a hotel for a while.

[935] Did she?

[936] I don't know, probably.

[937] I would.

[938] Either that or she'd be like, don't worry, I'll watch his door for you.

[939] She's like, she's one of two kinds of people.

[940] She just has a gun pointed on it.

[941] I got it covered.

[942] Yeah, yeah.

[943] I love her.

[944] When the arrest is made in Vancouver, Corbett says, I'm your man, I'm not armed, I surrender.

[945] And they shoot him twice in the back.

[946] That's wrong.

[947] During the trial, 23 FBI agents, five lab examiners, and a fingerprint expert testify for the prosecution.

[948] That means you're fucked.

[949] Joseph Corbett, of course, pleads not guilty.

[950] But on March 19, 1961, he's convicted of kidnapping and murder and sentenced to life in prison.

[951] No. You guys are learning, finally.

[952] There's barely even one.

[953] I know.

[954] There was two hoots at the most.

[955] No, no, I just yelled at you.

[956] So here's what you guys do.

[957] In Colorado law, I don't know if it's still happening or what, but there can't be a death penalty case unless there's an eyewitness or a confession.

[958] So this case doesn't have either So he doesn't receive the death penalty And he just gets life There's a bunch of lawyers start talking Very loudly right now about how that loss is Actually, the way it is now as well Tell us after, tell us after Yeah, or don't I'm kidding So he gets life in prison Which we know means 19 years in prison he's paroled in July of 1979 after serving 19 years wow yeah he I know he finds work in a manufacturing plant in Denver and then as a truck driver for the Salvation Army and he just like becomes a fucking recluse and like doesn't talk to people but it seems like he might have been that way already like there might have been something going on that he was this weird person who couldn't like exist in society yeah it's safe to say that yeah um as a evidence of that so But reporters try to get him to tell the side of the story.

[959] They're fucking so hungry for his story.

[960] He refuses.

[961] Until 1996, he finally talks to a pair of Denver Post reporters.

[962] And he tells them all about his childhood fascination with the Lindberg baby kidnapping.

[963] And it happened to me as he was a kid and he like couldn't stop reading about it.

[964] He was obsessed with it.

[965] That's weird.

[966] God, that's wrong and weird.

[967] Shouldn't do that.

[968] Oh, right, right, right.

[969] What a freak.

[970] And then he did not.

[971] his involvement in the Corps' murder.

[972] He continues to say he didn't do it.

[973] Yes.

[974] Then don't talk about the Lindberg baby, dude.

[975] Come on.

[976] You just don't sound.

[977] He claims he's innocent.

[978] On August 24, 2009, what's that?

[979] 10 years ago, the manager at the Royal Chateau Apartments, which is college, I wrote this all in an email that I meant to fucking write down.

[980] College Village?

[981] No. It's right in College Village.

[982] You know where that Piquito Moss is?

[983] Do you have that here?

[984] Chipotle?

[985] Yes.

[986] What's national?

[987] Not Chipotle.

[988] What's?

[989] At the Royal Chateau Apartments, where the now 80 -year -old reclusive Joseph Corbett lived for more than 25 years, his body is discovered in his bed.

[990] He had shot himself in the head.

[991] He's 80 years old.

[992] Jesus.

[993] I know.

[994] And he didn't leave a note, and no one came to claim his body.

[995] Isn't that crazy?

[996] So the murder of Adolf Coors, do I have one?

[997] I think I have a photo of him that I forgot.

[998] There he is.

[999] Okay.

[1000] What do you think?

[1001] Thoughts, feelings?

[1002] There we go.

[1003] More?

[1004] No, no. I can't think of anything, and it's a bad sign for me. The murder of Adak Kors is one of the first high -profile cases in this country where soil evidence was critical to the prosecution of the case, and the kidnapping and murder is one of the most notorious crimes in Colorado.

[1005] Colorado history, and that is the kidnapping of Adolf Chorus.

[1006] Wow.

[1007] That's great.

[1008] That was great.

[1009] Hear the people that are clapping.

[1010] You want to take in the visual aspect and not just the audio.

[1011] It's more like, look who isn't clapping.

[1012] Clap your hands.

[1013] Yes.

[1014] It's shaming.

[1015] Non -clappers.

[1016] I see you.

[1017] I'm pretty sure I saw a guy sleeping in the front row yesterday at the show.

[1018] I hope so.

[1019] I swear, then I kind of looked at him, and then I look back and he's out, but I think his wife had fucking elbowed him.

[1020] I'm not, it's really rough when you can see well.

[1021] It sucks.

[1022] The thing is that sometimes you can only sleep at a 4 ,000 -seat venue.

[1023] It's something about the acoustics.

[1024] Yeah.

[1025] It's like a melatonin.

[1026] Those dulcet tones of people screaming shit from the audience.

[1027] Okay, what are you doing?

[1028] Well, so many of you probably already know this, but I'm about to do the story of the Colorado Cannibal, Alfred Packer.

[1029] Oh, I know this.

[1030] That's what, it's not worth it to go all the way back, but the ravenous movie poster that I showed you featuring the wonderful Guy Pearce and Robert Carlyle from train spotting and then out of left field Oh, we got ourselves a fucking guy visual person is on point.

[1031] Oh my God.

[1032] Good job.

[1033] Highly professional.

[1034] It's almost like you guys have had shows here before.

[1035] And that's, you wouldn't believe it, but it's David Arquette over on the left hand side.

[1036] Oh.

[1037] Uh -huh.

[1038] It's 1999.

[1039] And this was a dramatized version, basically, of the story I'm about to tell you.

[1040] Okay.

[1041] But this is the reason I know about this story, is because I saw this movie in 1999.

[1042] And every year since then.

[1043] I know.

[1044] Is it your favorite?

[1045] And then the ritual began when I would eat human flesh and watch ravenous laughing.

[1046] It is good.

[1047] He was right.

[1048] Oh, no. You made me say it.

[1049] I didn't want to tell him.

[1050] Oh, but so I would cite ravenous as the one, I would say the initial source, but then obviously our best friend, Wikipedia, and there's a podcast called Colored Red by someone who only refers to herself as Laura.

[1051] So there's no one else, nothing else I can say.

[1052] That's bold.

[1053] But it's a podcast about the lesser known crimes and murders that have shaped the history of Colorado.

[1054] Oh.

[1055] Yeah.

[1056] So you should listen to this.

[1057] that, because there's good information.

[1058] So, okay, so let's talk about Alfred Packer's early life.

[1059] Now, this is the funny piece of information that I did get from that podcast.

[1060] Alfred Packer had, this makes him probably my favorite person of all time, including every family member I have.

[1061] Alfred Packer apparently had a tattoo of his own name that was misspelled.

[1062] No. Yes.

[1063] Oh, my heart.

[1064] My heart.

[1065] No. Yes.

[1066] How did it, how was it spelled?

[1067] Alfred.

[1068] Al -F -E -R -D.

[1069] Shit.

[1070] So oftentimes in articles, he's called Alford Packer.

[1071] Oh, wow.

[1072] But they're like, his name was Alfred Packer, but then people are like, you know.

[1073] That's not what that says, you idiot.

[1074] He's the one that said it.

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] We got to go by what two drunk minors.

[1077] This is also a minor base.

[1078] No way.

[1079] Yes, it is.

[1080] I knew a dude in my 20s, of course, who was in a band and got the tattooed name of the band on his wrist and they spelled it wrong, so he changed the name of his band.

[1081] Oh, smart.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] That's good.

[1084] He should have done that.

[1085] Just changed his name.

[1086] And then started a band.

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] Okay.

[1089] So Alford and Fred Packer was born on January 21st, 1842 in Pennsylvania to James and Esther Packer.

[1090] He's one of three children.

[1091] In the early 1850s, they move to LaGrange County, Indiana.

[1092] Oh, no, Indiana.

[1093] So that the dad can become a cabinet maker.

[1094] And then it said, as a teenager, Alfred fought with his parents and ended up moving out on his own to Minnesota, which is such an act of rebellion.

[1095] Like, fuck you, you don't understand me. I'm going to move to Minnesota alone.

[1096] I'm 15.

[1097] Go fuck yourself.

[1098] He did it.

[1099] Our boy Alfred did it.

[1100] So he gets out there.

[1101] He gets a job as a shoemaker, your favorite.

[1102] Let's take a look at who we're talking about here.

[1103] Oh, shit.

[1104] That guy is not fucking around with the facial hair and the cheekbones.

[1105] That guy's like, it'd be really cool if you'd come see my band this Thursday.

[1106] I mean, I wouldn't not wear that outfit, is all I'm saying.

[1107] He's got a quality about him It's like I'm sorry Did you move out to Minnesota When you were like 15 Because you're amazing And is this one of those After Death photos Because you're also kind of creepy Because you're kind of Chill To the point of Creeping me out Well you know what it is His eyes Yes His eyes look like that thing You get at like a Halloween store where, like, you walk by and it's normal and then you look again and it has, like, demon eyes?

[1108] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1109] But he just has demon eyes, I think.

[1110] Great.

[1111] Love him.

[1112] Great bow tie.

[1113] Alfred.

[1114] Alfred.

[1115] Doing it.

[1116] So here's what he does.

[1117] April 22nd, 1862, enlists in the Union Army to be in the Civil War.

[1118] But he gets honorably discharged eight months later because he has epilepsy.

[1119] Oh, man, he's your buddy.

[1120] He's my best friend.

[1121] he has the kind that is, I feel very bad because he basically had uncontrolled epilepsy obviously that times have changed well I mean controlled epilepsy if you can control it yeah and I can power, thank you also just an FYI if anybody ever has an epileptic seizure around you don't put anything in their mouth don't put anything in their fucking mouth stay away from their mouth and if your friend goes I think you're supposed to put a wallet in her mouth don't fucking put a wallet in my mouth I should be saying this to you also someone says put a handful of pennies in her mouth and make a wish do not let them do that don't put that in my head now that's my only one dream in life just to cramp pennies in your mouth while you're also don't put in a cup of corn and watch me chew it off like a cartoon crow oh stop enticing me with a good time.

[1122] I read this off an epilepsy pamphlet, and it's always been my rules.

[1123] Oh, damn it.

[1124] You can put anything in my mouth when I'm having a seizure.

[1125] I did not mean for that to sound gross.

[1126] It's your own, it's in your own head.

[1127] You're filthy.

[1128] You guys, it's not that kind of podcast.

[1129] We talk about cannibalism.

[1130] We're trying to talk about cannibalism, not blow jobs.

[1131] So, come on.

[1132] People's parents are here.

[1133] Tighten it up.

[1134] So, epilepsy once again comes into our lives.

[1135] So his thing is he won't not be in the army.

[1136] So he moves to Atomwa, Iowa, and on June 25th, 1863, sure.

[1137] He tries to enlist again, and this time he actually ends up serving for almost a year.

[1138] But then he has a seizure every two days, so they're like, buddy, and he gets discharged again.

[1139] So now he's unemployed.

[1140] He moves out west.

[1141] He finds various odd jobs working as a wagon teamster, a ranch hand, a field worker, and a hunter.

[1142] I think that's a, isn't that a nursery rhyme?

[1143] All four of them are in a boat.

[1144] Going down a river.

[1145] His seizures begin to continue to hamper his work performance, but his co -workers, also say he has a bad attitude.

[1146] He's rude.

[1147] He's known as a thief and a liar, and he's highly argumentative.

[1148] I mean, the seizures we can deal with.

[1149] Don't be a dick.

[1150] Just, yeah.

[1151] You know?

[1152] Now we're going to stick all kinds of shit in your mouth when you're having a seizure, is you deserve it.

[1153] That's why you got to zip the lip.

[1154] All right.

[1155] So part of that, the reason he moved from job to job is because people were just like, get this asshole out of here, and then they would.

[1156] Okay, wait.

[1157] And for example of that, here's another look he has.

[1158] Oh, God.

[1159] You're working with this guy, and he's just like, that's not how you do it.

[1160] And you're like, we need to get rid of this guy.

[1161] I'm not kidding.

[1162] This fucking hat, I can't look at it one more day.

[1163] Okay.

[1164] Okay, enough.

[1165] I wish you wouldn't.

[1166] I wish you'd stop.

[1167] Thank you.

[1168] He gets a job as a wilderness guide.

[1169] He isn't good at it That's not one you want to be bad at I don't know where we are now I'm sorry I'm not that good at this job Yeah that's the only part of the job You have to know where to go And he doesn't ever Wow And he wears that fucking hat So people are just like take it off I'm not kidding You don't deserve it, yeah He ends up working as a minor In Colorado Under a bridge That's haunted Really?

[1170] Was that Bridgeonta?

[1171] Probably.

[1172] Okay.

[1173] So he's a minor in Colorado, then also in Utah, and then in November of 1873, a group of about 20 men who are working at that mine, they decide they're going to leave the Bingham Canyon mines near Salt Lake City and trek to great mines there.

[1174] Trek to Breckenridge, Colorado.

[1175] Yeah, Breckenridge, you guys are a big part of the story.

[1176] So get ready to just hoot and holler for yourselves.

[1177] It's all you.

[1178] It's all you tonight.

[1179] Okay.

[1180] This team is led by a man named Bob McGrew, and he had gotten word that Breckenridge was teeming with gold.

[1181] So obviously, gold rush time.

[1182] Gossip would get around, and they'd be like, did you hear Breckenridge?

[1183] Oh, my God.

[1184] You don't even like that.

[1185] They are shitting gold in Breckenridge.

[1186] Get out there.

[1187] Like, you don't even know.

[1188] And then it takes them seven months to find out that it was a Frank or you're like, shit.

[1189] It was a ruse the whole time.

[1190] The whole time.

[1191] So it's the group of people, they don't know each other that well, but they're all like, but let's go get that money.

[1192] But I trust you implicitly with my life.

[1193] Yes.

[1194] Let's do this.

[1195] I'm more greedy than trusting.

[1196] Strike two for me. Okay, so they decide they're going to go.

[1197] So 25 miles into that journey.

[1198] they run into Alfred Packer near Provo, Utah.

[1199] Scary.

[1200] Provo, Utah.

[1201] And when they tell him where they're headed, he asks if he can go because he says he knows the San Juan Mountain region very well.

[1202] And they're like, well, this is perfect.

[1203] We got a little guy in a little hat, and he's going to tell us exactly how to get to Gold City USA.

[1204] That's where the high five was invented.

[1205] It all happens in that moment.

[1206] Lies, lies, lies.

[1207] But they are hesitant to let him join as Alfred has no money, no food.

[1208] He's not bringing anything to the table in terms of like, we're going to pool all our stuff and get there.

[1209] He's like, yeah, I'm going to eat your stuff.

[1210] And then take up a lot of space.

[1211] And his supposed knowledge of the region, giving him this big leg up, he actually didn't know the territory at all.

[1212] So that was just a bold -faced lie.

[1213] He's so bad at leading people places.

[1214] Yeah.

[1215] When will they learn?

[1216] And why does he want to keep going to that area?

[1217] Yeah.

[1218] It's like somebody that's like, I just want to do theater.

[1219] And it's like, don't do it.

[1220] You're bad at it.

[1221] Don't.

[1222] There he is.

[1223] I think he would be played by Ben Kingsley, don't you think?

[1224] Oh, very much.

[1225] Mm -hmm.

[1226] So, um, dude.

[1227] Mm -hmm.

[1228] But I think the five -era energy is shutting my eyes down.

[1229] These words.

[1230] Are you sure?

[1231] I've got bionics vision now.

[1232] I can see everything.

[1233] Did you take my vision?

[1234] Okay.

[1235] Stead up.

[1236] Okay, they let him join the party.

[1237] They head down the Mormon trail towards Colorado.

[1238] So it isn't long before they begin to regret that decision, of course.

[1239] He's, uh, Alfred spends much of his time complaining and arguing with the other guys.

[1240] They're on a fucking, like, what, 200 -day hike.

[1241] Oh.

[1242] And then asshole that no one actually knows and isn't helping comes along.

[1243] This is so boring.

[1244] There's too much uphill.

[1245] My shoes got dirty.

[1246] Are we there yet?

[1247] All right.

[1248] Probably.

[1249] That's exactly probably what happened.

[1250] He also hogs the food and water rations for himself.

[1251] Come on.

[1252] He also doesn't seem to know the area, as we said.

[1253] And, of course, every so often, he has a seizure and freaks everybody out.

[1254] Fuck!

[1255] I mean, that's not his fault, but, like, again, don't be a dick about it.

[1256] If you're going to have seizures, bring your own, like, donkey or something, you know what I mean?

[1257] Like, bring something to the table.

[1258] Make up for the lack.

[1259] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1260] If you're going to hang, you could drive everybody down.

[1261] Right.

[1262] How about some fresh oranges?

[1263] You know, something like that.

[1264] Eat one less.

[1265] can of beans than everyone else.

[1266] And stop arguing me about every single fucking thing around the campfire.

[1267] Right.

[1268] Okay, so he slows down their progress, and then to make matters worse, weather conditions are growing more severe.

[1269] Snow starts to pile on the trail.

[1270] Their wagons can't go a steady pace, and soon the trail is almost completely snowed over.

[1271] They lose their way.

[1272] They run out of food, of course, forcing them to resort to eating horse feed.

[1273] to stay alive.

[1274] I've done it.

[1275] It's not the worst thing that can happen to you.

[1276] What does it like?

[1277] Is it like bird seed?

[1278] I don't know.

[1279] I don't know any horses.

[1280] Well, it's not.

[1281] But the food we fed lady, my Aunt Jean's horse, it's just like it's oats.

[1282] It's different versions of oats.

[1283] And your sister forced you to eat it when you were a kid?

[1284] Probably.

[1285] Or I was just walking around by myself like, I wonder what this tastes like.

[1286] No one can do anything.

[1287] I can eat anything I want.

[1288] A whole egg.

[1289] Whatever I find.

[1290] My sister, when she was like a toddler, once my mom watched her pluck a snail off a plant and put it into her mouth.

[1291] No. How old?

[1292] Like a toddler, like a baby.

[1293] Fifteen.

[1294] I'm not going to out my sister on this one, shockingly.

[1295] She had great taste.

[1296] She liked Escargo at a young age.

[1297] Okay, so, um, uh, out of food.

[1298] And as that, That even starts to run out.

[1299] The group considers.

[1300] You okay?

[1301] Nope.

[1302] Want me to read it to you?

[1303] Oh, you know what it is?

[1304] It's that shadow.

[1305] Wow.

[1306] Focus on the problem and solve it.

[1307] Don't adjust to the problem and let it stay.

[1308] So we're going to have to add five -hour energy to our writer, right?

[1309] And every fucking show, it's crappening because this is the best show we've ever done.

[1310] You're sweet.

[1311] There's a good one.

[1312] There's a couple of people out in the audience that are like, yeah, no, it's not.

[1313] It's not.

[1314] The group does eventually consider killing and eating their horses to survive.

[1315] That's how bad it gets.

[1316] That's so nice, though.

[1317] Like, I'm surprised to hear that.

[1318] I can't guarantee they didn't.

[1319] Let's go with it.

[1320] Let's say they didn't.

[1321] Let's say they didn't.

[1322] Let's say they actually took their own jacket socks.

[1323] and put them on the horses.

[1324] There's nothing, like, sadder than a horse standing in snow.

[1325] That's so sweet of them.

[1326] Yeah.

[1327] Okay.

[1328] We can just write a whole fan fiction about this story.

[1329] Let's never get to the cannibalism.

[1330] Okay.

[1331] Miraculously.

[1332] Oh, man. I'm going to need some pronunciation help on this.

[1333] I should have gotten, I should have taken care of this before the show, but I was straightening my hair.

[1334] Okay.

[1335] Miraculously on January 21st, 1874, they stumble upon an native of of American encampment near Montrose, led by chief, led by Chief O -R -A -R -A, then why does it say our?

[1336] Literally, O -U -R -A -Y, spell it like you say it, Chief U -R -A.

[1337] Okay, so Chief U -R -A, who I have not heard of before, he was known as the white man's friend.

[1338] So apparently he was a friendly, like, helpful.

[1339] Here's another group of dumb -ass white people.

[1340] Let me pull them for all we can because they're so stupid.

[1341] Get him out of the snow, help them out once again.

[1342] So he welcomes the group into his camp, giving them food and much -needed hospitality.

[1343] He tells them conditions are far too harsh for them to continue on and offers to let them stay in his encampment until spring.

[1344] They're like, great.

[1345] And then, like, a few weeks into their stay, they're like, we got to get out of here.

[1346] We got to go get that gold.

[1347] And they believe that everyone else is heading to Breckenridge and that they're going to miss out.

[1348] Everyone else is going to get the gold before them.

[1349] That's that fear of missing out.

[1350] Yeah.

[1351] There's massive foamo about Breckenridge.

[1352] Eleven men decide to brave the winter conditions and push on toward Breckenridge anyway.

[1353] So Chief Uri is like, no no don't go and uh really and they were like oh it was basically like when you're trying to get keys away from a drunk person they're fucking fighting you and then being really shitty and then you're like here's your fucking keys good luck tonight you know you can only fight for so long um because the men wouldn't be swayed he gave them food and he gave them directions he said follow the Gunnison River um toward right toward the destination instead of going through the mountains That's the best way.

[1354] Alfred, however, because he got to be Alfred, he insists that they travel through the mountains, arguing that yes, the weather is bad, but it's still the most direct route to Breckenridge.

[1355] They listen to this asshole instead of fucking our chief over here?

[1356] Yeah, they're like, oh, this guy is giving us everything and has lived here since it started.

[1357] So he kind of knows all about it.

[1358] Oh, and then there's this asshole we all hate.

[1359] I got to go with this guy.

[1360] I'm sorry.

[1361] So that's what they do and so Alfred convinces five of the 11 men to come with him and on February 9th they set out through the mountains so they're journeying through this team consists of Shannon Wilson Bell James Humphrey Frank Butcher Miller George California noon No yes he was shaped like the state of California weird bend in the middle and Israel Swan who I believe was in his 60s so they estimate it's going to take them 14 days to complete this 75 mile journey unfortunately they're ill -equipped they have no heavy winter clothing yeah they're just like let's just kind of do this blizzard thing and see what happens they have no Flint to start fires they have no snow shoes so all they have between them is two rifles a pistol, some knives, a hatchet, and a little bit of ammunition.

[1362] And chutzpah.

[1363] Everyone knows that's the most important thing when you're walking through a fucking blizzard.

[1364] They're like, we're going to stab and shoot the snow.

[1365] Okay, do what you want.

[1366] Sounds good.

[1367] The remaining six men who don't listen to Alford follow the river, but then they wind up running out of food too.

[1368] It's just a bad time to travel.

[1369] Sure.

[1370] As Chief Urey fucking said about 50 times.

[1371] Okay, so they are rescued by cowhands at the government cattle camp near Gunnison.

[1372] And those guys, we love your cattle camp.

[1373] It's like, homie, but fancy.

[1374] And they have the best oats.

[1375] So those guys who didn't listen to Alvord stay at the cattle camp until April.

[1376] Okay.

[1377] Until all the storms have passed.

[1378] So cut to less than two months later.

[1379] So the guys that were, they go down the river, they starve, and then the cowhands find them, and then they go off and they're rescued.

[1380] And then there's Alfred and the five idiots that listen to him.

[1381] They're like, we'll just go straight.

[1382] Let's power through it.

[1383] We're fine.

[1384] We'll turn the radio up loud and smoke, and we'll get through it.

[1385] So a little less than two months later on April 16th, 1874, Alfred Packard comes stumbling out of the forest across a frozen lake and over to the Los Pinos Indian Agency near saguash.

[1386] Sagwash.

[1387] I think you got it.

[1388] Sagwash.

[1389] Squash.

[1390] Squash?

[1391] Squash.

[1392] Squash.

[1393] Squash.

[1394] Near Squash, Colorado.

[1395] Squash gourds.

[1396] Will one person just say it?

[1397] Sagwash.

[1398] Sawash.

[1399] Sawash.

[1400] Sawash.

[1401] Sawash.

[1402] Sawash.

[1403] Sawash.

[1404] Sorry.

[1405] I'm sorry.

[1406] You're saying this is pronounced Sawash.

[1407] S -A -G -U -A -C -F -N -H -E.

[1408] Oh, the whole world.

[1409] The last half is silent of it.

[1410] You know what I'm going to do?

[1411] I'm never saying that city name again.

[1412] I'm so fucking mad.

[1413] Swash.

[1414] You fucking idiot.

[1415] Okay.

[1416] So this guy shows up, right?

[1417] Alone.

[1418] Our boy, Alfred.

[1419] I'm sure the hat's gone by now.

[1420] He's bloodied.

[1421] He's alone, and he has a big story to tell.

[1422] He burst through the doors of the agency mess hall, disheveled.

[1423] He has rags wrapped around his feet.

[1424] His rifle, a knife, a steel coffee pot, and his satchel, that's it.

[1425] And the men in the mess hall, they run to him, they tend to him, they feed him, they put on dry clothes on him, and he drinks some whiskey and tells them what happened.

[1426] So he tells them that, um, he tells them that, um, he tells them that, um, he tells him.

[1427] Um, he tells him, he tells them that, um, um, He'd gotten snow blindness along the trail as they were going on, and he was starting to lag behind.

[1428] And since they didn't want to get slowed down anymore, Israel gave him a shotgun to protect himself, and then the rest of the men went on their way, basically abandoning him.

[1429] So he says he slowly made his way through the mountains for just over two months, miraculously managing to survive on tree roots and rosebuds.

[1430] Oh.

[1431] Lire, liar.

[1432] Yeah.

[1433] Those winter roses that are so common.

[1434] Coming up from the ground through this snow, like a fucking seal video?

[1435] Okay, I guess we have to believe you.

[1436] So the men at the agency find the story, odd, of course.

[1437] And as Alfred did not appear ravaged or skinny, as someone in that position would be, his cheeks are actually kind of puffy, and he seems...

[1438] Are they fat shaming him?

[1439] They're like, we think you might have some liver issues because this his body seemed far from starved even still they let him stay there for 10 days they bought his rifle off him for $10 which is the equivalent of 900 221 that's right today's money 221 so that he could afford to get back home to Pennsylvania he was just saying like I just need to get out of here whatever so they're like good we'll help you because we fucking hate you like everyone else does so at the end of his stay there Alfred sets out for saguash proper to purchase supplies and then he's going to leave for Pennsylvania he stays at Dolan's saloon which is run by of course owner Larry Dolan Larry Dolan who could that could be a more 2019 name we're like in the middle of all that like Jeremiah you know Alfred and of course there's Larry Dolan with his bolo tie he's from Boston he doesn't fuck around okay so he so Dolan notices that despite Alfred's story about falling on hard times he is spending a lot of money about $100 total during his stay there he's stoked to be alive and he's just like spending it up okay I mean you could say that but he during his stay he spent $100 which is the equivalent of $2 ,24 $14.

[1440] So he was wasting money.

[1441] Much of it was spent on booze and drinking, he was drinking heavily throughout his stay.

[1442] And as he drinks, of course, he starts getting loose -lipped.

[1443] So he's telling and retelling the story of him coming out of the wilderness, but it's changing, of course.

[1444] And then the story becomes that he became, quote, unquote, detached from the other men rather than them abandoning him.

[1445] So now it's more of his idea.

[1446] Yeah, I got to get away.

[1447] I'm a lone wolf.

[1448] You know, I can't be around a lot of people.

[1449] Several other of the saloon goers noticed that Alfred is, not only does he have a bunch of money, he uses a bunch of different wallets.

[1450] Huh.

[1451] I think men love that, though.

[1452] Like in one night, if you use four different wallets at the bar.

[1453] You look cool.

[1454] Eelskin.

[1455] Yeah.

[1456] I mean, just stupid criminals tonight.

[1457] That's what the fucking theme of this show is.

[1458] not thinking things through.

[1459] No. So he's a sloppy drunk and a big timer.

[1460] So he at one point offers to lend Larry Dolan, the saloon owner, hotel and saloon owner, $300, which is the equivalent of $6 ,000.

[1461] And Larry's like, I'm just going to write your name and number down here because you're a huge red flag.

[1462] So a day or two into Alfred stay there, a member of the original team that had stayed at chief, Eure's encampment, named Preston Nutter.

[1463] Oh, that, no. Yes.

[1464] Preston Nutter.

[1465] Poor guy.

[1466] He would be played by, like, a Patrick Wilson type where he'd be like, real, all his uniform is perfectly clean, where it's like, what?

[1467] It's the gold rush.

[1468] How are you clean?

[1469] It's me, Preston Nutter, here to straighten things out for everybody.

[1470] So Preston Nutter arrives at Dolan's, and, um, When he asks Alfred what happened to the rest of the crew, Alfred changes the story once more, telling him that he was warming his feet over the fire when the rest of the group went off in search of food, and he says Israel left him with the rifle in case anything were to happen, but then the group never came back.

[1471] And he thought they abandoned him, so he set off without them.

[1472] But of course, Preston Nutter is no fool.

[1473] He doesn't buy the story, and he knows that those men are not the type that were just going to leave their own guide in the mountains by himself.

[1474] They always say you can't full a nutter.

[1475] Ful and nutter once?

[1476] Fluffer nutter twice.

[1477] That's just sound matching.

[1478] That's not good comedy.

[1479] Okay.

[1480] The problem is I can't, my eyes won't go back to the place they were.

[1481] What kind of drug addiction is that?

[1482] Okay, so he doesn't buy it.

[1483] He also questions where Alfred getting all the money from, but it's when he notices that Alfred has Frank Butcher Miller's pocket knife that Preston confronts him.

[1484] He's just like, this is all wrong and something happened.

[1485] The two men get into a heated argument.

[1486] Nutter threatens to hang Alfred.

[1487] They're finally separated before a full -on fight breaks out.

[1488] During this time, two of the men who had taken the Gunnison River Path, suggested by Chief Ure, arrive at the Lispinius Indian Agency, where Alfred had stayed a couple days before, and those remaining three men from that group joined them a few days later, and when they get there, all the agency men tell them what happened to Alfred and how he was abandoned, and all of them are like, no, nah, that's not true, knowing Alfred is a liar and an epileptic and an asshole in that order.

[1489] They know that the guys they knew or not, wouldn't abandon anybody, and that that Alfred was a liar.

[1490] So they convinced the head of the agency General Charles Adams that Alfred must be brought in for questioning.

[1491] So Adam sends one of his men to go to Swash, to retrieve Alfred through trickery.

[1492] And so Alfred's told that this guy shows up and he's like, you have to come and join the search party.

[1493] We have to go find these guys.

[1494] You want the lottery?

[1495] Come back here?

[1496] Yes.

[1497] A free cruise.

[1498] Come back to Swash for a cruise.

[1499] so he goes and then once he's there they all question him and they basically are like we need to get this story straight from you so all the men he traveled with plus General Adams question him and pick a story apart Alfred sticks with the story that the money came from the man in Swash who'd given it to him as a loan so to confirm this one of the agency members rides back to Swash to find that man they're like fine we'll track it down there's no man that guy does like exist.

[1500] And then that guy who went there hears from witnesses that Alfred was there also using different wallets.

[1501] So he was really flossing with those wallets in every town that he visited.

[1502] So the agency officer rides back and confronts Alfred about the lie.

[1503] And they set up a kind of a trial.

[1504] And with the officers in General Adams serving as the judge and the jury.

[1505] And then in the middle of the trial, which is great for a story.

[1506] telling, but I highly doubt happened chronologically, but still leave it alone because it's better for the story.

[1507] Two tribesmen arrive at the agency with a shocking discovery.

[1508] They have strips of white man's meat that they found nearby.

[1509] Oh, no. Yes.

[1510] So now Alfred breaks down crying and confesses that he was forced to eat his companions for survival.

[1511] Oh, man. Right.

[1512] Okay, so Alfred explains that he and the group ran out of food rations very quickly, and they subsisted on roots and rosebuds.

[1513] Sticking with that one.

[1514] That's like a Disney fairy princess.

[1515] Like, we'll eat rosebuds for breakfast.

[1516] But it still wasn't enough, and then one day Alfred goes out to find firewood comes back to find the other four men standing around the body of Israel Swain, who is the oldest man. And Alfred, who's just as desperate for a meal as the other one.

[1517] were agreed to eat Israel because they were all they were like are we going to do this it's back um he says they also found several thousand dollars on swan and agreed to split it between themselves so that's where the money came from um and then once they ran out of food from swan the rest of the men decided together that they would eat whoever died next oh right now this is in a i also did the donor party um when we were in i think salt lake city yeah It's very, yeah, there's a lot of parallels, obviously.

[1518] The Honor Party was 27 years before.

[1519] Okay.

[1520] So they were the original.

[1521] They did it first.

[1522] This guy's a rip -off artist.

[1523] But that was one of the things in that.

[1524] It was people that were so desperate, and they were like, most people were sick and dying.

[1525] So, like, the eating of human flesh was just, like, one last final attempt.

[1526] It wasn't like, we're going to eat some human flesh, and then I'm close enough to stumble out of the forest and be at a camp.

[1527] So he basically says that they just kept eating whoever would die.

[1528] And then at the end, it was him and Shannon Wilson Bell, and that Bell tried to kill him, so he had to kill Bell first, and then eat him, and then walk about a mile to total civilization.

[1529] So some of the men still don't believe, Alfred, and General Adams, for some reason, him.

[1530] So to settle everyone's minds, Adams asks Alford to lead them all out to the spot where the killings happened.

[1531] And he does it, but he gets lost.

[1532] Now this is the part, right?

[1533] If anything else happened, we would be surprised.

[1534] It's right over here.

[1535] It might have been over there.

[1536] You ate people.

[1537] Why don't you remember where it happened?

[1538] But in the movie Raveness, This scene is incredibly intense because the looking for the bodies turns into the lookers being hunted by Alfred.

[1539] And it's a good movie, but it's not totally factual, but it's so good.

[1540] And there's like death caves with bones.

[1541] I've got to wrap this up.

[1542] Now I have to find my goddamn place again.

[1543] What?

[1544] Why?

[1545] Okay, so he's like, I don't know where to go, this doesn't look right, or whatever, and I lost it again.

[1546] One of the men from the original team gets angry, calls Alfred a liar, and then, so they just have to go back.

[1547] They're like, oh, he can't find it, we have to go back.

[1548] On the way back to the agency, Alfred attacks that man with a knife, and it is about to murder him when the other people catch him.

[1549] It basically indicates that maybe he was it wasn't a desperate measure Maybe there's other stuff going on with him So he's arrested and while in custody he changes his story about what happened several more times No one believes anything he says anymore.

[1550] He's jailed by the sheriff just outside of town So then in August of the same year a man named John Randolph is walking through the mountains Like a fool Two miles southeast of Lake City Colorado where he happens upon a horrifying sight because waiting under the now melted snow were the bodies of the five missing men from Alfred's party.

[1551] They had been dumped in a gulch beneath the pines and they were all brutally mutilated, flayed, skinned in certain areas, but the meat parts gone from the body.

[1552] And here, are you ready?

[1553] No. It's like a happy miner this time?

[1554] No, this is, they sent out, an illustrator to go draw it because they wanted it kept eyes down children eyes down children oops that's a map that is a horrifying scene is anyone barfing yet are you freaking out alfred's what you spelled it alford alfred Oh, beautiful So much land back then Oh no That's what it looked like Oh man For the people in the back it's fucked up That sucks and that sucks And that shit Okay so meanwhile this whole time Alfred's been in jail Without any formal charges brought against And they're just holding him So most people thought he had done something nefarious, but there were other taxpayers in Swash County who were frustrated that their tax dollars were being wasted on a man who hadn't even been charged with anything.

[1555] So somebody goes and brings him a key to the jail.

[1556] No. And he escapes.

[1557] No. Which is such intense activism, even back then.

[1558] We were just like, not in my backyard, not with my tax dollar.

[1559] Okay, Aunt Marie, Jesus.

[1560] So he escaped.

[1561] before the bodies are found so when the authorities go to officially charge him that's when they discover he's gone because they have him there for so long they kind of stop paying attention to him so then they had to put up this reward.

[1562] Cannibal.

[1563] The skulls really bring it home.

[1564] Does that skull have an eye patch?

[1565] Because why would you need it?

[1566] Yeah.

[1567] Or is it a little cute hat that's on the side?

[1568] It's hard to say.

[1569] It is difficult to say.

[1570] I said all that.

[1571] Reward poster.

[1572] Okay.

[1573] On March 11, 1883, a man named Gene Frenche Cabazon.

[1574] This is the one I was waiting for.

[1575] Franchet comes into the scene.

[1576] One of the original members of the expedition group to Breckenridge, and he is coming through Cheyenne, Wyoming.

[1577] And, oh my God.

[1578] Is that everybody from Wyoming?

[1579] The whole state came to the show.

[1580] On horseback, you say.

[1581] Bear back?

[1582] With your periods the whole time?

[1583] So this guy Frenchie, Jean -Frenchie Cabazon.

[1584] He comes into Cheyenne and he's like, there somebody's like, oh yeah, you should talk to Bob over there.

[1585] And he's like, that's fucking Alford.

[1586] He knows it immediately.

[1587] So he grabs Alford and brings him back to Denver where he gives yet another confession.

[1588] This one he signs on March 16th, 1883.

[1589] In this new account, Alfred says that Bell told him to go find food and while he was gone, Bell killed all the other men.

[1590] Okay, dude.

[1591] And then when Alfred comes back, he finds Bell eating one of the men and a fight between them breaks out and Alfred winds up killing Bell in self -defense.

[1592] I bet that's what happened.

[1593] I bet that is what happened.

[1594] but the places are reversed.

[1595] Because, you know, like, that's the best lies.

[1596] Just say what actually happened, but just switch, like, two people.

[1597] Then you can retell it a thousand times.

[1598] Again, criminal coaching from this podcast.

[1599] Okay.

[1600] On April 6th.

[1601] On April 6th, 1883.

[1602] Tonight.

[1603] It was a night.

[1604] Much like tonight.

[1605] But it was a long time ago.

[1606] But this is just the anniversary of the trial.

[1607] Damn it.

[1608] That's boring.

[1609] That's not haunted at all.

[1610] On April 6, 1883, Alfred Packer is tried in Lake City for five counts of murder.

[1611] Here's a drawing of that trial.

[1612] Okay.

[1613] Looks fun.

[1614] You can come watch the trial, but you have to be bald.

[1615] You have to have a beard, and you need your tall boots on.

[1616] And cross your legs.

[1617] And leave the wife at home.

[1618] Would you please?

[1619] God, help me. Almost there.

[1620] The trial last seven days, Alfred's found guilty of the crime, sentenced to hang on May 19, 1883.

[1621] His lawyers, however, find a legal loophole that allows him to dodge his death sentence.

[1622] They say that because Colorado was a territory and not a state at the time of the murders, Alfred could not be legally sentenced to death.

[1623] Though he escapes the death penalty, he is still sent to jail.

[1624] But then, the Colorado Supreme Court grants a second trial in gunning.

[1625] believing that the general opinion of Alfred in Lake City was too negative so they're going to take you to choose super positive people out in Gunnison or they're like you know what eat what you want man making the trial having it in Lake City made it unfair so he Alfred at this time pleads not guilty in the second trial but is very quickly found guilty and on June 8 1886 Alfred's convicted on five counts of voluntary manslaughter and sentenced to 40 years in Cannon City Penitentiary.

[1626] There's his mugshot.

[1627] Oh.

[1628] Oh, wow.

[1629] I might each it.

[1630] Doesn't he also look like he could be on either Chicago fire, Chicago police, Chicago 911, Chicago sewer systems?

[1631] All the civic duties are represented on ABC or whatever the fuck it is.

[1632] That's creepy as shit.

[1633] So done.

[1634] So almost done.

[1635] He tries filing five separate appeals.

[1636] They're all denied on February 8th, 1901, after a campaign led by an old friend of Alfred's.

[1637] He apparently had one.

[1638] He is granted parole.

[1639] When?

[1640] What?

[1641] In 1901.

[1642] No. Mm -hmm.

[1643] So, like, 14 years.

[1644] Good.

[1645] So he lives out the rest of his days working as a guard and then a ranch hand until he finally passes away from, quote, dementia trouble and worry I don't know should I have eaten all of them I don't know he is it's April 23rd 1907 when he dies he's 65 years old so the good news we'll just do a quick silver lining at the end of this the good news is that now there is an Albert Packer Day in Lake City What?

[1646] No. This is the flyer from 2016, but I went on the website, yeah.

[1647] And everybody needs to start training because there's, what's happening?

[1648] Can I just say, that's so tasteless?

[1649] Yeah.

[1650] I feel, I'm sorry.

[1651] No, no. Apologize to me, if anyone, not that.

[1652] There's a 5K called.

[1653] run for your life on May 25th.

[1654] Colorado.

[1655] You guys have like a month to train for this 5K.

[1656] Get in there, wear an outfit, represent, and then after the 5K is followed up, I'm not lying to you by a mystery meat cook -off.

[1657] No!

[1658] Yes, it is.

[1659] Fuck yes.

[1660] Please visit lakecity .com for more information.

[1661] That's the nauseating story of the cannibal of Colorado.

[1662] Sorry.

[1663] We're going to need to see.

[1664] see some murderina out there.

[1665] If you run the 5K or participate in the mystery meat cookoff, please send us every picture you can.

[1666] We want to be there with you.

[1667] It's important.

[1668] Yeah, he can go away.

[1669] Wow, that was fucked up.

[1670] Yeah, it was, right?

[1671] Yeah.

[1672] Do we have home for a murder town?

[1673] Do we have time for a hometown?

[1674] It's home for a murder town time.

[1675] Murder town, not yet.

[1676] Hold on.

[1677] Karen has rules.

[1678] Yeah, you guys know the rules, but I'll just do it super quick for the people who are new.

[1679] If you don't make it local, I will pull your hair.

[1680] I just don't understand the people who are just like...

[1681] Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[1682] I get it local.

[1683] So I'm from Florida, anyway.

[1684] Talk has to be from Colorado, period.

[1685] Right, the state, please.

[1686] But nearby's good too.

[1687] Tell it quick.

[1688] We probably just did a two -hour show, so they want us out of here right about now, I would say?

[1689] And I have to pee.

[1690] And you're just to pee.

[1691] So, brevity, is the key and tell it good and be good at it and if you don't think you're going to be great at it go ahead and just take a rest for the next 15 minutes and if you're pointing at a person who has their hand up but you don't know what the story is you're worse than the person who tells the story from out of state and now Georgia will choose the hometown I'm choosing and you're going to go let's see yeah the one yes that you're pointing at yes go over there Thank you.

[1692] Hey, give us those faces, will you?

[1693] Can we have those back?

[1694] Thank you.

[1695] Thank you.

[1696] Appreciate it.

[1697] Oh, God, thank you.

[1698] Hi.

[1699] And you did it properly.

[1700] It's Margaret, everyone.

[1701] Yeah, oh, she's not drunk because she's pregnant.

[1702] Are you sure?

[1703] Margaret, where are you from?

[1704] Okay, well, I'm from Florida, but on promise, Colorado.

[1705] Are you really from Florida?

[1706] Are you really?

[1707] Holy shit.

[1708] You have to admit I'm psychic.

[1709] You're psychic.

[1710] Yeah.

[1711] So, 2006, I worked with a psychopath.

[1712] named Travis Forbes for about one or two years worked with him so let's fast forward to 2011 wait where did you work with him oh um can't say well let's just say it was a local natural food store okay okay here in Denver yeah okay so whole foods no that's all right sprouts no get warmer though okay so then let's fast forward to 2011 there's this 19 -year -old girl named Kenya Monet and she went out in downtown she was out in Lodo she was going to go to one club I guess she couldn't get in probably because she was 19 so then she goes to another like she didn't tell her friends I'm not coming to that club whatever so she meets she goes with these girls that she met in the cab she's like all right let's go to this other club so whatever she gets really wasted I guess I think she left her phone and wallet in the club with these new girlfriends are hers So then she's stumbling the streets of Denver.

[1713] She's all wasted, and a guy pulls up and is like, do you need a ride home?

[1714] I don't know why she got in the car with him, et cetera, but she did.

[1715] And she's not seen again the next day.

[1716] I guess the friends got her phone and wallet back to her parents.

[1717] They're going through her phone.

[1718] There's like all these worried text messages.

[1719] This and that one catches her dad's attention that says, hi, this is Travis.

[1720] I hope you made it home okay last.

[1721] night.

[1722] So then, you know, he's kind of the number one suspect at this point.

[1723] The dad calls the cops.

[1724] They're getting on this Travis Forbes guy.

[1725] He has, I think, like some criminal, like, drug, maybe theft, whatever, but nothing major.

[1726] So they're following him around.

[1727] He says, okay, well, I just dropped her off at a gas station.

[1728] She wanted some cigarettes.

[1729] I think she got her ride with another guy.

[1730] I never saw her again.

[1731] I really hope she made it home safe, whatever.

[1732] So Um, yeah, so time goes on and he, they're, they're trying to follow him.

[1733] I think he, like, stole a car, fled to Texas all of a sudden.

[1734] They were tracking his cell phone records that night, and they pinged his, um, pinged his cell phone out in like the plains of Colorado, like northwest of here, or northeast of here, whatever.

[1735] So, um, so that happens.

[1736] And, um, so, what happens next?

[1737] Sorry.

[1738] So, okay, so then his white van, he has a white van, okay?

[1739] Hopefully she didn't get in that, because that's like a really red flag.

[1740] The worst red flag of all time.

[1741] So the cops get in his white van, and it's just like reeks of bleach, there's new carpet.

[1742] He makes his own gluten -free granola at this point.

[1743] He's like owning his own company.

[1744] So they have video footage of him going to his bakery space that he's running out from another lady with a huge cooler, dragging this huge cooler, into a walk -in freezer.

[1745] And they're like, that's weird.

[1746] You don't usually have to freeze granola.

[1747] Like, what's he doing?

[1748] Then he, like, turns off the camera.

[1749] So they're like, OK, this guy's sketchy.

[1750] So they just don't quite have enough on him yet.

[1751] So then three months later, it's July 4th.

[1752] He's in Fort Collins.

[1753] There's like fireworks, Fort Collins, Fourth of July, whatever.

[1754] So he finds another girl.

[1755] He wants to attack, I guess, and gets back to our apartment, rapes thinks he beats her to death covers her body in bleach and sets her apartment on fire well that girl turns out she's a badass right so she wakes up jumps out of her second floor she's like in a coma whatever so she's in the hospital in a coma they get it underneath her fingernails and find DNA and it's Travis Forbes's DNA holy shit amazing so then that's it so then they have them in jail for the attempted murder and arson of this second girl, and that's when he, under pressure of the detectives, confesses that he, that Kenya Monet, the night of her disappearance, passed out, he raped her once, decided he could do it one more time.

[1756] She woke up the second time, and he killed her, buried her in a shallow grave in the plains of Colorado, and now he's going to be serving life in prison without parole.

[1757] for the first girl and another 48 years for the second attempt.

[1758] Wow.

[1759] Perfectly done.

[1760] I invited him to my keg party once when we worked together.

[1761] There was some crew that went out for happy hours and it like haunts me later.

[1762] I invited him, he calls me. He's like, hey Margaret, I'm not going to make it to your party.

[1763] I haven't been drinking.

[1764] Lately, I stopped drinking and I'm worried about what I might do if I get drunk tonight.

[1765] He said something super creepy like that.

[1766] Did he seem creepy?

[1767] Just never think about that again.

[1768] Yeah.

[1769] Oh, my God.

[1770] Margaret, amazing job.

[1771] Margaret, thank you.

[1772] Amazing.

[1773] So good.

[1774] That's for you.

[1775] Oh, that's awful.

[1776] Oh, my God.

[1777] You know what that story made me think, though, is that I love, now we know, like, this community of murderinos.

[1778] Like, we see a girl who's alone, or she's our friend, or she's someone we meet in a cab, and we don't let her walk off alone.

[1779] No, never.

[1780] We don't do that now.

[1781] Even if it's someone we don't fucking know, we go out.

[1782] and say, let me, honey, let me take care of you.

[1783] Yes.

[1784] Why not?

[1785] Because, yeah.

[1786] Because, come on.

[1787] Good job, guys.

[1788] That made me start crying.

[1789] Just the idea of it.

[1790] I think people know to do that already, but I think there's something about this wave of, like, true crime popularity, people being able to say, yeah, I like it, I'm interested, I follow this.

[1791] I already know about all this stuff.

[1792] I've seen this story four times.

[1793] Yeah.

[1794] That now is emboldening people to be like, yeah, I'm going to be the person that walks up and goes, are you okay?

[1795] okay great I don't want to get in your face but I do want to be here if you need me and that enables other people to reach out and say I do need you like that's yeah that's a that's a thing that you guys are doing we're just up here talking about our fucking my gray roots that are growing in constantly but this community is as we always say but it's really true it's this beautiful thing that has grown up out of something so regular and casual to us that's now just we just get to watch it grow and it's so impressive and you are giving us, you're making all our dreams come true we get to do all the stuff that we love to do and it's because you like it and you support it and you come out and we'll never be able to thank you enough so, so much.

[1796] For another amazing show, Denver we fucking love it here.

[1797] You guys are awesome.

[1798] This was perfection.

[1799] They said They said this show is sold out and it's 5 ,000 seats and I'm like, it's going to be fucking mayhem.

[1800] It's going to be, I'm going to have to yell at every single individual person.

[1801] How can I control this?

[1802] And you guys were a beautiful, perfect audience.

[1803] Thank you so much.

[1804] We adore you guys.

[1805] Stay saved.

[1806] Do God's missions.

[1807] Yes.

[1808] Always.

[1809] Please.

[1810] I always want to send that message, but more than that, stay sexy.

[1811] And die!