#1251 - Tim Dillon

[0] but each individual one he paints by hand three two one no yes okay it's a lot okay it's been fucking up a little bit lately how are you man good how are you to see it thanks for having me my pleasure my pleasure you brought me a nice conspiracy book i want you back nice i want you i got bored with it i'm yeah i get you i know i just had a uh a lunch with eric von danikin oh yeah And he's the author of Cheriates of the Gods.

[1] The last two hours, we've been talking ancient aliens.

[2] I was deep.

[3] When I was, like, in my late teens, I was deep in Zachariah Sitchin.

[4] Yeah.

[5] Ananaki.

[6] Nephilium, I'm pronouncing it wrong.

[7] Nephilim, I think.

[8] Nephilim, I think.

[9] Nephilim, I think that's a lot of the conversation we had today at lunch is very interesting.

[10] The problem with someone, I mean, he's not a dishonest person.

[11] I'm not saying that.

[12] But the problem with anybody that is involved with, like, a book like this is that you're so all in you're so committed to this idea yeah like i asked him the first thing i asked him was like what is the most compelling piece of evidence and um he said the the tablet in polenke i don't know if you're aware of that one yeah the one of the aztec guy i guess the astec or a mian i guess it's a mian guy it's mine um who's laying back uh it looks like in some sort of a throne with fire below him and he's manipulating these knobs and shit.

[13] And that means that aliens landed and seated them with technology.

[14] Yeah.

[15] Yeah, they always make a little bit of a jump.

[16] It's a big one.

[17] That's a little bit of a jump between that bird is really a symbol of a flying saucer.

[18] I've heard that too.

[19] I've heard that one too.

[20] They've been like that bird and I'm like, well, let me ask you a question.

[21] Why didn't they etch a flying saucer right into the cave yeah and they're like well you don't know how things work the more interesting ones in the art depictions is there's some really ancient depictions of people that look like they're in these flying saucer type things like they're flying through the air and they're in some sort of like you know some some painting yeah those are those are really interesting because like what were they trying to say like what were they what were they depicting in those things yeah i mean it's all very interesting but i think you and you've had graham hancock on yeah so to me when I heard him, I was like, that makes more sense that we were just a civilization that had reached an apex.

[22] Yeah.

[23] And it got wiped out by some cataclysmic event.

[24] Yeah.

[25] And then we had to rebuild.

[26] But does he think that we got all of our technology from otherworldly sources?

[27] Or no, not really, right?

[28] Graham doesn't.

[29] He doesn't.

[30] Graham is much more in line with this theory that Dr. Robert Shock has been putting forth.

[31] He was one of the weirder ones that I've had on the podcast.

[32] First of all, because he's a rock -sologology.

[33] geologist, professor at Boston University, like really well -established.

[34] His credentials are, you know, they're as good as it gets.

[35] And he was saying that he thinks that there was a mass coronal ejection somewhere around 12 ,000 years ago.

[36] And it was literally raining lightning all over the world and decimated the population of land mammals and people.

[37] Is this what got the dinosaurs?

[38] No, no, no, no, no. This is way late.

[39] I apologize.

[40] This is like.

[41] This is like, My bad.

[42] This is, they think, in the neighborhood of 12 ,000 years ago.

[43] They think this is...

[44] Oh, so this is recent.

[45] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[46] Okay.

[47] Yeah.

[48] This is what Graham Hancock's work indicates as well.

[49] See, Graham Hancock and him were together on the sphinx because Robert Chalk was the geologist they brought in to examine the erosion marks on the temple of the sphinx.

[50] Yeah.

[51] And his conclusion was that this is the result of thousands of years of rainfall.

[52] Right.

[53] The problem with that was the last time there was, see, significant rainfall in the Nile Valley was 9 ,000 BC.

[54] So you'd have to have thousands of years before that to create these deep water -based fissures or water -created fissures.

[55] So they're saying the Sphinx was there a lot longer than we imagine.

[56] Yeah.

[57] So that coincides with a lot of these, the people that want to push back the dates of civilization, what they think is it all points to something big happening at the end of the Ice Age.

[58] Yeah.

[59] So something big happening between 12 ,000 and 10 ,000 years ago.

[60] why don't mainstream scientists just go now I'm sure there's a reason for this I think there's a reason that mainstream thought leaders in any area don't allow the fringe in why what's the big thing here with keeping these is it that they would just have to go back and relook at every history book well in the beginning there was nothing right so when these guys were proposing this there was very little evidence but now the evidence is stacking up and there's all these ancient structures that they're finding like go Beckley teppy and turkey yeah yeah once they found that one and they realized that it was intentionally covered up 12 ,000 years ago.

[61] So this is like, this is undeniable.

[62] Everyone agrees on it.

[63] Yeah.

[64] And so then they have to say, okay, well, then hunter gatherers must have made this because 12 ,000 years ago, that's all we had was hunter gatherers, but it's really sophisticated construction and it's very difficult to do and they're enormous and they have three dimensional animals that are carved into them.

[65] Yeah.

[66] Which means they actually had to carve away the outside to create the animal.

[67] Instead of carving the animal into the stone.

[68] They actually carved the stone out around the animal.

[69] So these animals are like climbing on the outside of these stone columns.

[70] It's really weird stuff.

[71] Yeah.

[72] But who the fuck knows?

[73] I lean more towards cataclysmic disaster because there's so many of them that we know for sure have happened.

[74] Right.

[75] Between the 165 million years ago and the Yucatan that they killed the dinosaurs.

[76] I was reading about the arc storm that's going to hit L .A., which will just be 60 days of rain.

[77] It happens every two.

[78] 200 years, I mean, you know, this is an article I read.

[79] Every 200 years, LA in the area gets 60, 90 days of rain and everybody has to move and things.

[80] This is supposedly what somebody sang.

[81] So I'm with a bunch of panicked comedians who are all thinking about, they're worried about the arc storm now.

[82] It's fun to think about stupid shit.

[83] Oh, it's the best.

[84] It's thinking about like conspiracies and Bigfoot and UFOs and shit like that.

[85] It teaches you how to think.

[86] A little bit.

[87] Like when I was a teenager, I was smoking weed with my buddies, like, we would, you'd have to research these things.

[88] You'd have to cross -reference information.

[89] You couldn't just swallow the narrative.

[90] You had to literally go, well, and then you'd have to use critical thinking to go, does this make sense?

[91] Right.

[92] Would this have happened?

[93] Right.

[94] Could, maybe could Lee Harvey Oswald, would have acted alone?

[95] You know, you have to think about all these things.

[96] Yeah.

[97] I mean, I do think since Trump got elected, conspiracy theorists have been deemps.

[98] demonized and nobody talks about that right there's a little bit well it was always going on it was even before that they were being demonized but yeah for sure everybody's worried about the other groups which is fair yeah i get that there's the people in the cage is no good i'm not for any of that people in the cage they're well the kids in the cages is not good you know what i mean the family separation oh oh of course there's real stuff yeah yeah yeah but i think that people think that conspiracy theories got trump elected so now it's like cool to hate conspiracy theorists or people that are like, let's take another look at this.

[99] There's so many factors that got Trump elected.

[100] Right.

[101] It's a perfect storm of people getting fed up with political correctness.

[102] Someone coming along that's not a politician.

[103] You know, the system is so rigged that after a while, you're just like, Jesus Christ, how many more of these fake puppets are we going to put in office?

[104] There's, I say this to comics.

[105] I'm like, everybody's done a show where everybody goes out in bombs with their material.

[106] And then one guy gets up and just goes, fuck this.

[107] and screams and yells and destroys.

[108] Because that's what the room wanted the whole night.

[109] They wanted somebody to come up and just realize how fucked everything was and how nobody was having a good time and that's kind of what Trump was.

[110] Trump was the guy that came out and just rift.

[111] He went out there with no material.

[112] He just went out there and rift and he went and I heard, and I'm sure you've seen this speech where he talks about Ben Carson going after his mother with a hammer and trying to stab his friend.

[113] This was one of the funniest things.

[114] He was speaking and he was giving a stump speech.

[115] I don't know where it was I think it was, he wasn't in Iowa but he was referencing Iowa.

[116] And he's talking about Ben Carson's book and that Ben Carson had admitted to going after his mother with a hammer and trying to stab his friend with a, I mean these are, these are in and Trump is talking about it.

[117] Me and my friend were driving out of New York City.

[118] We were laughing so hard.

[119] I said, this guy's I said he's going to win.

[120] I said, I'll tell you why he's going to win.

[121] I cannot stop watching this I can't I am so fixated by the idea that there's a guy like this on the national stage and he's saying whatever he wants there was something intoxicating about that and a lot of things he was saying were horrible but he was saying them and then on the other side you had Hillary Clinton who was just a scripted or careful person and I'm like it's just boring yeah so to me i'm like sometimes the entertaining person wins because you can't take your eyes off them well in this case for sure i mean in that it was a perfect you know polar opposite between him and her yeah you know no no experience versus vast amounts of experience right no real experience in the real world versus vast amount experiences yeah i mean there's a lot going on between the two of them It was a, it's a bad way to choose how the world runs.

[122] Yes, it really is.

[123] It's very bad to look at candidates and go, who's the most entertaining.

[124] Yeah, well, it's also a bad idea to have one person, right?

[125] It's a bad idea to have this same system that was in place back when there was fucking, you know, a thousand people here.

[126] But I think we really don't, like we have one person that seems, like we have one figurehead, but we have kind of this permanent political class of people.

[127] a nexus of powerful institutions where you have career politicians, career diplomats, career military service people that kind of don't leave.

[128] So I think that's one of the reasons that we haven't changed the system is because one person can't ever do that much.

[129] Even though Trump is wild and crazy and he's done a lot of bad things, I don't think he would be allowed to deviate from many of the policies like that his predecessors had kind of established.

[130] I think that like the American government, and that's why this is the term like the deep state, which a lot of people ridicule, it's an undeniably true thing.

[131] I mean, our policies are not just one guy gets into office and he goes, here's how it is.

[132] I mean, it's the result of a lot of, you know, private corporations lobbying, forming all kinds, forming an agenda in a non -democratic way, you know, they're not accountable.

[133] And a lot of these, you know, people that work at the CIA or the FBI, the NSA.

[134] A lot of them are appointed.

[135] They're not elected.

[136] We have no oversight.

[137] We have, I think it's 22 intelligence agencies now.

[138] It's really that many.

[139] I mean, it's something absurd.

[140] How many could you name?

[141] FBI, CIA, NSA, probably DEA.

[142] Is DEA an intelligence agency?

[143] I wouldn't say it's an intelligence.

[144] They probably have intelligence capabilities, I would imagine.

[145] FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA.

[146] Yeah, the DIA, the DIA, Directorate of Intelligence.

[147] The Pentagon, I mean, I don't know if that's an entire agency, but I think it, I mean, I think you has a capabilities, but we have all of these different, I don't know if it's 22, but it's a lot.

[148] And they're all competing with each other, too.

[149] They're all competing because they all want money.

[150] They all want a budget.

[151] They all want, and that's the thing.

[152] People talk about the deep state, it's like, look at them all.

[153] Yeah, look at these guys.

[154] Here they are.

[155] Jesus.

[156] Here are all the people that are.

[157] You know what?

[158] We're listening.

[159] Excited?

[160] Yeah.

[161] The fucking space troops.

[162] Now we have space troops.

[163] Space Force.

[164] That's going to be good.

[165] And why not?

[166] Why not a space force?

[167] Well, eventually, really.

[168] Right.

[169] Eventually, you're going to have to have it.

[170] Oh, yeah.

[171] So why not have it now?

[172] We have, I don't know what the national geospatial intelligence thing does.

[173] They can't be any more relevant than Space Force.

[174] Click on that one.

[175] National geospatial intelligence agency.

[176] They can't be any less important than the space force.

[177] What?

[178] Who the fuck know how many people are working there?

[179] Employees 16 ,000.

[180] 16 ,000.

[181] Look at their motto.

[182] Scroll down a little bit.

[183] Scroll down.

[184] No earth, show the way, understand the world.

[185] What?

[186] I found it in 96.

[187] Clinton probably did it's probably where he keeps his chicks I mean this right but this is this is what I mean like what the hell are these people doing and what is it 16 ,000 employees with their motto know the earth show the way understand the world that sounds like a you like on a yoga studios you know I mean it's absurd but they they get billions of dollars to do whatever listen put that back up there with the description look at what good it says there it's uh it's under the United States Department of Defense, an intelligence agency of the United States intelligence community with the primary mission of collecting, analyzing, and distributing geospatial intelligence in support of national security.

[188] Which is what?

[189] What does that mean?

[190] What the hell is geospatial intelligence?

[191] I mean, this is what I mean.

[192] This is insane.

[193] And if you ask a question, if you go, well, what do these guys do?

[194] People yell at you.

[195] Yeah.

[196] And they start calling...

[197] You don't know?

[198] You're a conspiracy theorist.

[199] And you don't know this?

[200] I just want to know what geospatial intelligence is.

[201] Right.

[202] It's probably something simple, and now I'm going to look like an idiot.

[203] It says it's intelligence about the human activity on Earth derived from the exploitation and analysis of imagery and geospatial information that describes, assesses, and visually depicts physical features and geographically referenced activities on the Earth.

[204] I mean, this is...

[205] I think that's how we would know, like, that North Korea has a bomb site or what...

[206] It's like, is it satellites, satellite imagery?

[207] I think so.

[208] I guess.

[209] Well, there's probably a satellite.

[210] agency, too.

[211] I think we've uncovered a scam.

[212] I think we've uncovered a pretend agency that nobody, there's a guy right now panicked in the gym spatial.

[213] 16 ,000 other employees going, shit, we're going to have to fight a real job.

[214] We've been studying shipping docks from space.

[215] Yeah, we just got outed.

[216] Yeah, I mean, it's just, we just got outed on Rogan is completely, oh, come on.

[217] That girl is not really there.

[218] That is an actress.

[219] 100 % that's an actress But this is what I mean If you look into this stuff It starts to get crazy The amount of people that are doing things We have no idea what they're doing I mean 10 I just did a private gig at the Bethesda Country Club in Maryland Okay It's you know I'm still doing private gigs But you gotta you know It is Gotta do what you gotta do Gotta do I go to the Bethesda Country Club Maryland It's the entire 10 counties Around Washington D .C. Are the wealthiest counties in the world I mean, in our country.

[220] And it's not because they're selling crab cakes.

[221] You know what I mean?

[222] It's all defense industry, Raytheon, you know, Dyn Corp, things you've never heard of.

[223] And they were all, and it was a good gig.

[224] They were funny.

[225] I got up and I was like, what are we?

[226] Are we carving up Venezuela?

[227] They all laugh.

[228] They're all clapping.

[229] They're into it.

[230] You know, they liked it.

[231] Some people get, I was like, I said last week I did a fundraiser for human trafficking victims.

[232] This week, I'm with the traffickers.

[233] You guys are a lot more fun.

[234] And they're clapping.

[235] They love it.

[236] They're leaning in to being.

[237] that's good they're fined they're morally compromised well they're also hired a comedian to fuck with them yes that's a good point I mean they expected it it's not like it came out of nowhere well you know I mean it's like so that's the thing it's like Trump bad but I don't know what the geospatial people are up to I don't have to I don't want to throw my hat in with geospatial intelligence yeah I don't know what that means I mean maybe we need it but listen again two stand -up comedians talking about what the world needs.

[238] Yeah, it's not great.

[239] It's fucking terrible.

[240] I'm not great.

[241] I've been trying to stress this more than ever because the fact that I have a microphone and people are listening, don't fucking pay attention to me, okay?

[242] I am not right.

[243] Well, the best thing is, well, listen, you don't know, you might be right.

[244] I might be right, but I'm definitely not an expert.

[245] The best thing is if you go on Twitter and a comedian will tweet something really, you know, it's like we're living in fascism and they get like 400 ,000 likes.

[246] and then the next tweet, have you ever seen this?

[247] They go, and while you guys are here, check out my web series.

[248] And you go, are we living in, if we're living in fascism, you can't have a web series?

[249] You can't have a web series.

[250] And do I have the time to luxuriate in your web series?

[251] Or should I start arming myself to overthrow the government?

[252] What should I, what should I, what should, I look at my phone.

[253] I'm like, which way should I go?

[254] Yeah.

[255] But that's all they do.

[256] They go, by the way, while you're here, I have a Patreon.

[257] We're doing a project.

[258] I'd like you to throw a few bucks there, but we're living in fascism and, you know.

[259] Well, the signal to noise ratio in terms of, like, people tweeting, it's almost mostly noise.

[260] Oh, it's noise.

[261] There's a few people that are great.

[262] You can follow a few people that are really posting about real news and, you know.

[263] There's four.

[264] There's some journalists.

[265] There's 17 of them.

[266] I think journalists are maybe the best people to follow on Twitter right now, it seems like.

[267] But the problem is who's a journalist.

[268] There's very few.

[269] Yeah.

[270] But real journalism takes a long time.

[271] It's expensive.

[272] Like, real investigative journalism, and I've had some of these guys on my podcast.

[273] They come on, they go, they've ruined their life.

[274] They spend five years looking into something.

[275] Nobody cares about it.

[276] They figured out it was true.

[277] And nobody wants to talk to them.

[278] Right.

[279] They love white hair.

[280] Their families hate them.

[281] They live in a little apartment in New York City.

[282] That's a journalist.

[283] Well, sometimes people do journalism, right.

[284] And they do spend a long time working on a project, and it's in something like the New York Times, and no one cares.

[285] No one cares.

[286] Like the thing about Trump, like the report on Trump, the scathing report they thought was going to bring him down.

[287] Literally, it was in and out of the news cycle on a day or two.

[288] Yeah, they don't care.

[289] That guy just pops an extra adder all and doesn't give a fuck.

[290] He doesn't care.

[291] He doesn't give a fuck.

[292] He is the only guy that should ever write a motivational self -out book.

[293] He's the only one with the secret.

[294] Right.

[295] Whatever the secret is, he's got it.

[296] I think it's speed.

[297] You think it's speed?

[298] You think he's really.

[299] Yeah.

[300] Yeah, I do.

[301] Yeah.

[302] I think it's speed.

[303] I think he's on something.

[304] I mean, I think this is the only.

[305] way that it makes sense to me that a 70 plus year old man has that much energy, a guy who doesn't exercise, eats fast food, and he's fucking bouncing off the walls.

[306] And he can campaign for days and days and days.

[307] He's great.

[308] Just slamming KFC double downs and flay of fishes.

[309] Let me ask you this.

[310] Yeah.

[311] How often do you think he gets his dick sucked?

[312] Good question.

[313] And who's doing it?

[314] Great question and not asked enough.

[315] Right.

[316] Probably not that much.

[317] I don't think a guy like that is driven by sex.

[318] I don't get that.

[319] Maybe he does.

[320] Maybe.

[321] But I think he's.

[322] Melania seems to be not into it as much.

[323] She seems a little upset with him.

[324] She seems a bit cold, but she's Slovenian or something?

[325] Something like that.

[326] They're cold.

[327] I don't know.

[328] That's a broad generalization.

[329] They're white, so I can generally say what I want about them, Joe.

[330] Okay?

[331] Let me say what the hell I want.

[332] Keep digging.

[333] I'm not Eastern Europeans.

[334] Can I not have Slovenians?

[335] You can.

[336] Okay, thank you.

[337] She's cold.

[338] Well, I think she's a little annoyed with them.

[339] You know, I mean, it's been very humiliating for her.

[340] Well, they had the best life.

[341] Yeah.

[342] up until he ran for president he I mean imagine telling his kids he's like I know you got world billionaires yeah your party every day you do coke with impunity it's some new york city nightclub when you board of that you go to europe do it on a boat when you board of that you go to some orgy in Athens that's all done right but we're going to can't in Ohio and I'm giving a speech and you can stand there because and every camera and every news reporter is going to watch every move you make for the rest of your life they're going to crawl up your ass to the microscope too and everyone hates you yeah and everyone hates you yeah and and some of them might be going to jail I mean we don't we really don't know what's going on with this Mueller investigation I think a lot I mean I think it's going to be disappointing everybody's preparing us for disappointment everybody has prepared us for disappointment yeah CNN is actually saying that that don't expect much it's like when you get a report card and you tell your parents you're like no I've changed but I'm still me I'm still stupid I'm still the guy who gets high before he goes into school and was caught smoking by the priest like I used to get caught smoking weed by the priest who was driving into my Catholic school and he would drive me to the school.

[343] So I would be like, yeah, I've made some changes, but I'm still very much that person that you guys raised.

[344] So that I think is what the Mueller report is going to be like, Trump, the thing about Trump is he's corrupt.

[345] He's a con man. You know, he said, this whole wall, there is no wall.

[346] The wall is not coming.

[347] Little links.

[348] The wall's not happening.

[349] There's some wall.

[350] There's no wall.

[351] There's people with signs that they finish the wall.

[352] The wall has This is part of a wall.

[353] There's more of a wall.

[354] There's more of a wall around houses in Bel Air.

[355] Right.

[356] Then there is at the border.

[357] Well, you know, it's a smaller area of Bel Air.

[358] It's, yeah, and there's probably more of a reason to have a wall.

[359] You know?

[360] And the people that run Bel Air are probably more serious.

[361] Yeah, yeah.

[362] There's definitely something to that.

[363] You know, I don't know about this whole wall thing.

[364] I really feel like it was one of those campaign slogans that he got stuck with, you know, build that wall.

[365] And then once he got in, he's like, oh, Christ, I really got to build this fucking thing.

[366] It's his slogan, someone whispered into his ear.

[367] You think?

[368] Anne Coulter probably said, get out there and say, build the wall.

[369] And he goes, that's good.

[370] And then he just went out there, build that wall.

[371] I love the one of the speeches.

[372] He doesn't really build things.

[373] He lends his name to be franchised.

[374] Yeah, he definitely does that.

[375] He's not a bit, like this idea that he's like a bit, the things he's built are disgusting.

[376] If you go to Atlantic City, walk into any building he has built.

[377] It is to Chris Hedges wrote a book.

[378] He's an interesting guy.

[379] He wrote a book called America the Farewell Tour.

[380] And he goes, he went to Trump Tower in Atlantic City.

[381] He goes, there's junkies in the bathrooms.

[382] There's like rats running around.

[383] He's falling apart.

[384] And he's like, that's kind of what America will be.

[385] But no, anything he's built is not nice.

[386] Did you watch it?

[387] There was a documentary about an architect called Costas Carrianas.

[388] And a lot of the documentary is about him convincing Trump to not make his building gold in New York City and I and it's like is it gold in New York City or no but it's gold in Vegas it's gold a lot of places but like he was going to ruin the the downtown of Manhattan with a gold building why is that ruining it though a gold building why not you've spent too much time on the West Coast but why is that bad why is it bad for it to be one color is it better if it's all black or it's all white or it's silver has a look it has a feel You can't come in with a gold building.

[389] It's not Vegas.

[390] It's not Atlantic City.

[391] This is not Reno.

[392] Like Mandalay Bay.

[393] What goes on in a gold building?

[394] I've never looked at a gold building and said, I bet what goes on there is honest.

[395] Like, good and decent.

[396] Gold building should be for doing coat and losing money.

[397] Right.

[398] That's what it's about.

[399] You don't walk to a gold building and get a check up.

[400] That's a good point.

[401] That's a very good point.

[402] That's what I think.

[403] Gody.

[404] Yeah.

[405] It's disgusting.

[406] Yeah.

[407] Yeah, Gody is a weird thing, right?

[408] Like, who's that good for?

[409] Like when you go to a place and it's got opulent chandeliers and gilded, you know, furniture.

[410] For sociopaths who sacrifice human beings, that's the way they want to live.

[411] They want to live in a palatial, opulent environment and then just, you know.

[412] I think Matt Taibi said this.

[413] Yeah.

[414] He said that Trump is a poor person's idea of a rich person.

[415] Absolutely.

[416] That's what a rich person think, when a poor person thinks about a rich person, I think, oh, he's got his name on his jet.

[417] He's got his name on his building.

[418] The guys I grew up with in Long Island, if somebody went to them and said, hey, you could own the Miss Universe pageant.

[419] You could have a building with your name on it.

[420] You could be in the WWE.

[421] That would be amazing.

[422] You'd be a winner.

[423] They would be a winner.

[424] Where I grew up in Long Island, that would be, that is the highest you can go.

[425] So I think that's kind of what it is.

[426] It's a very, what's appealing, that's also what's appealing about him.

[427] What's appealing about him is there is no veneer.

[428] Right.

[429] You don't get the idea that you're being played.

[430] You get the idea, you know you're kind of being played, but you're being played on a level that you accept.

[431] It's like when you go buy a car and you know the salesman, you know, I used to be in sales.

[432] So like when I'll go to buy something, sometimes I know the salesman needs the sale because I used to.

[433] So like sometimes I'll be like, yeah, whatever.

[434] It is what it is.

[435] You know, I'll do it.

[436] That's kind of with Trump.

[437] You know you're being sold, but you're okay with it.

[438] Right.

[439] You let it happen.

[440] What do you think is going to come after him?

[441] It seems like he's throwing a giant monkey wrench.

[442] to the gears.

[443] If Twitter is any indication, a prolonged civil conflict, where there will be, where some will emerge as a few different nation states, will barter with each other.

[444] I don't know.

[445] Maybe Joe Biden and then nothing.

[446] He's got no chance.

[447] He's, who's coming?

[448] Warren.

[449] She's got no chance.

[450] Bernie, they hate now.

[451] Yeah.

[452] They hate Bernie now?

[453] A lot of people hate Bernie.

[454] What happened?

[455] I don't know.

[456] I missed it.

[457] Some guy on his staff was accused of sexual assault.

[458] Oh, and now they hate Bernie?

[459] He's a rapist.

[460] Well, you know that's what happens.

[461] Bernie's out.

[462] He's a white, straight male.

[463] He doesn't get it.

[464] He doesn't get it.

[465] Plus, he has like two houses.

[466] Yeah, he's worth like $300 ,000.

[467] You know?

[468] That offends people.

[469] Does.

[470] Yeah.

[471] How'd you get that money?

[472] Off the backs of poor people?

[473] Yeah.

[474] In a country, by the way, where people make that in an hour on YouTube, you know?

[475] Some people do.

[476] Some people do.

[477] What's his Logan Paul and all those guys?

[478] Those guys, you know.

[479] You see people in L .A. I'll see a kid in L .A. on a skateboard.

[480] I'm like, he's a millionaire.

[481] He owns three houses because he's a YouTube live streamer.

[482] Yeah, he's probably playing video games on Twitch.

[483] Yeah.

[484] Everything my parents told me to do, go to school, all that is impoverished my generation.

[485] Everything they told us not to do, which is play video games, watch TV, get high, is making people billionaires.

[486] It's amazing.

[487] Yeah, they were wrong.

[488] They were definitely wrong.

[489] The boomers were wrong about everything.

[490] Well, they didn't see this coming.

[491] They didn't see this craziness coming.

[492] They didn't see anything coming.

[493] You know what's concerned.

[494] me is uh this the rise of people that think that everyone owes them something sure you know that's that's the weird one like we were talking about aOC who you know she seems like a nice girl's good looking woman she's young she's got energy she wants to do good things she wants to do some good ones but i saw the one thing that said give money to people who are unable or unwilling to work yeah that's not saw that and i'm like that's not gonna work well it's not in And they pulled that out.

[495] They pulled that part out, the unwilling part.

[496] And unable to work makes total sense.

[497] Sure.

[498] You know, as a community, we should take care of the people.

[499] Most of the people I know in comedy are unable to work.

[500] Most of us.

[501] Most of us.

[502] Yes.

[503] This is the only thing we can do.

[504] But her thing was a weird one because that thing unwilling to work.

[505] It's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you just crossed over into Crazy Town.

[506] Like, this is, but that means that Crazy Town was always in the back.

[507] You always had that.

[508] Yeah.

[509] When you put that on paper, yeah.

[510] That means this is something that's been discussed.

[511] Part of the appeal, and she just, I don't know how influential she wasn't getting Amazon to drop out of New York.

[512] But I live in Queens, so everyone was paranoid Amazon was coming.

[513] I was in a bagel.

[514] I know carbs, no good, but I was in a bagel shop.

[515] I gave up dairy two weeks ago.

[516] I'm turning it around.

[517] Turning it around.

[518] I was in a bagel show.

[519] It was paranoid about Amazon.

[520] Amazon's going to come.

[521] We're all going to get priced out of our little shoeboxes that we live in.

[522] Or some of the people that own those shoeboxes are like, I'm a millionaire now because Amazon's coming.

[523] and but here's the thing it's hard to have a rational discussion about inequality right now because in a place like New York City it's so expensive to live and the reason for that is that it's a destination for like foreign capital so essentially a lot of the buildings in New York City foreign people buy apartments they don't live in them they use it to like launder money and they buy them not even under their real name they buy them under the name of a shell corp like an LLC and then they have like these investments and it really makes everything insanely expensive.

[524] That's what's making everything.

[525] That's what's making a lot of real estate in New York City expensive.

[526] If you got to guess, what percentage of expensive apartments are owned like that?

[527] I'll tell you between 2008 and 2014, I think 50 % of apartments going into contract were, because I do a show, I used to be a double -decker tour guide in New York City.

[528] And so I do a show, like a funny comedy show where I take, I sell tickets, I put people on a tour bus, and then we go around to these buildings, just scream at these buildings.

[529] It's fun.

[530] It should be illegal.

[531] But it's fun.

[532] And no one cares because they're not home because they're somewhere.

[533] I mean, if you look at who owns these buildings, it's a guy who, like, is maybe a guy who owns a mining company and he poisoned a river in Zambia, a lot of these guys are doing things they shouldn't be doing, and they want to stash their money in real estate.

[534] London is more expensive than New York, because London is all essentially shell corporations, you know, these phantom buyers buying up real estate in London, in New York.

[535] So you have people in New York that know the system is fucked.

[536] They know the market's being artificially manipulated.

[537] Bloomberg thought it was great.

[538] Bloomberg goes, we want all the billionaires.

[539] He said it.

[540] That was his quote.

[541] We want all the billionaires.

[542] It's like some of those billionaires have done things that would make you, would keep you up at night.

[543] They, you know, Bloomberg's like, bring them in.

[544] They eat shrimp and steak.

[545] They'll go to Peter Lugras.

[546] Bring him in.

[547] We love him.

[548] We want all the billionaires.

[549] He's just thinking of as a businessman, right?

[550] Well, that's the thing.

[551] So people get fed up with this.

[552] And dude, when I was at my tour bus, people would get on from regular places like Pennsylvania and I would just point and go 10 million 20 million 30 million and these people just shift uncomfortably in their seats like what the hell's going on here this is the you know I saw Trump getting elected during those doors because I'm like 100 million dollars and they're like sitting there like what I can't afford a knee operation well the idea that Trump's not a part of that is even more crazy well listen in his building was a huge destination Russians love his building yeah they love it they love a brand name they love the plaza They love his building, and a lot of interesting characters lived in Trump Tower.

[553] Didn't they take the Trump Tower name off of it?

[554] In New York?

[555] Yeah.

[556] No, I don't think so.

[557] There was one of the buildings where the people that own the co -op decided to take the name off of it.

[558] Oh, maybe.

[559] Do you remember that?

[560] There's a lot of shitty, like, Trump nursing homes, too.

[561] Really?

[562] As you drive into New York.

[563] You own nursing homes?

[564] You know those elderly people are getting beaten.

[565] It's hard sad.

[566] Joe, you know they're getting fleeced and beaten.

[567] You go by, you see, like, Trump Pavilion.

[568] It's like a Soviet -era architecture, horrible, like, old -age home that's been there since the 70s.

[569] And I'm like, man, I feel for the people in there.

[570] The screams?

[571] Another New York condo votes to remove Trump from name.

[572] Yeah.

[573] New York City condominium on Thursday were removed President Trump's name from the building's facade.

[574] The second time at four months, his name has been removed from a condo in the city.

[575] 55 % of Trump -place condo owners at 120 Riverside Boulevard in Manhattan voted in 15, favor removing the large sign above the front door the buildings can you mean that crazy who cares these are self -important people well i think they're worried about their their security oh that's a good point yeah i think if you try to sell it and it's trump place and you know you're going to eliminate 50 % of your buyers the dictators that are buying those apartments think it's great they probably they're fine maybe they don't maybe they're like you know what this is probably we'll probably go down the street to this no -name building will be better off but a lot of his condos were sold to, you know, mafia and, you know, Russian business guys.

[576] I mean, he's always had that, you know, he did deals.

[577] It was his firm located in Trump Tower called Bayrock Financial, which was a, it was headed by this guy, Felix Sater.

[578] Felix Sater was a guy who the FBI convicted in, like, a Russian pump and dump stock scam.

[579] And he worked in Trump Tower with Trump.

[580] Like, he worked very closely with Trump.

[581] And Felix had like informed, I think, on the Russian mob for the feds.

[582] And the feds kind of let him earn.

[583] And let, so Trump has, had this labyrinth of shady connections forever.

[584] Wow.

[585] And I don't know if that means that he's necessary.

[586] I don't think he's an asset or of Putin or anything like that.

[587] I don't believe that.

[588] I think that's kind of just, you know, I think it's a lot of people would like to believe that.

[589] But he's a shady guy.

[590] So if you have all these people pouring over his business deals for the last, you know, 50 years, it can't be good.

[591] There could be an amazing movie about him.

[592] Oh, there will be.

[593] Yeah.

[594] And who would play him?

[595] Good question.

[596] Hopefully not a white man. Christian Bale.

[597] Let him get fat, just like he did with Dick Cheney.

[598] If he can play Dick Cheney, he can do Trump.

[599] He can play Trump.

[600] He was a great Cheney.

[601] I heard.

[602] I haven't seen that movie yet.

[603] I heard it was amazing.

[604] You know, the movie, like a lot of people, the movie was good.

[605] It was not, you know, it's, I love, like, the big short to me was amazing.

[606] I don't think it was as good as that, but Christian Bale is phenomenal.

[607] He's a phenomenal actor.

[608] I mean, to gain that much weight to become another person, that's the whole thing with Jesse It's like, they're all, all these actors are sociopaths.

[609] Yeah.

[610] They're all sociopath.

[611] Watch his Good Morning America interview and try not to laugh.

[612] Well, now it's, it's crazy when he said he's the gay Tupac.

[613] Like, do you see that?

[614] When he said he fought back and hit those guys, like, oh, my God.

[615] What crisis PR firm is telling him to do that?

[616] The gay Tupac?

[617] No one's telling him to do that.

[618] This is all, this is Bridget Fetacy said it best.

[619] She said this is like, she's hilarious.

[620] Yeah.

[621] She said this is what happens when you let actors.

[622] write the script.

[623] Well, that's true.

[624] You see the plot twist coming a mile away.

[625] Well, that's true.

[626] I had dinner the other night.

[627] I was in L .A. and an actor was at the table and he was talking and I'm like, I don't know who this guy is, but he's not even the person he is at this table.

[628] Right, right.

[629] He's trying out a person right now.

[630] Have you ever been in that situation?

[631] I don't know who he is, but he's not this guy.

[632] He doesn't know who he is either.

[633] He has no clue.

[634] It's just good -looking guy that's vapid.

[635] He's full of nothing.

[636] He wants to get famous.

[637] Yeah.

[638] And they say things that other people are saying here's one good to see you yes when they meet you they say good to see you because they might have met you and they don't want to forget 100 % I've said that before nice to meet and they're like actually we met before I'm like fuck sorry dude and they'll ask in a very strange way they'll be like what's going on yeah like what's up what's going on like you want they want they want to be fed yeah they want to be fed yeah it's like what's going on and I'm like well you know a lot of projects crazy shit bro guest spotted flappers A lot of things happening, because they're always trying to move.

[639] That's the thing about L .A. New York is just pound yourself into the ground until you get funny.

[640] That's kind of what the New York is.

[641] The New York scene is like, do 57 shows a day.

[642] Give up on your life.

[643] Don't speak to your family.

[644] They're losers.

[645] They're holding you back.

[646] Go hard.

[647] L .A. is like, make a friend, have lunch.

[648] See what happens.

[649] I talk to some of the people out here, and I'm like, what's the plan?

[650] I get nervous for them.

[651] I'm like, what's the plan?

[652] They're getting high.

[653] It's midday.

[654] I'm like, okay, it's Wednesday at two.

[655] They're like, we just had a meeting.

[656] I'm like, what did you do?

[657] They go, we're talking about starting a podcast.

[658] I'm like, that's not a meeting.

[659] You're just friends with someone else.

[660] Yeah, you're talking about stuff.

[661] That's not a meeting.

[662] But here's the thing.

[663] It does work here.

[664] And there are people that I know who've made the right friend and then their life changes.

[665] Yeah, there's a little of that.

[666] But those people are super transparent.

[667] Yeah, and if you don't have any talent, that's never going to catch.

[668] No, it'll never work.

[669] and then everybody resents you.

[670] There's a few of those people that really don't have any talent but they made the right friends and they cling on to folks and everybody gets real uncomfortable in the round.

[671] Well, that was the thing.

[672] I think the first time we spoke is I'd written that thing about Louis and after Louis's the whole news, but Louie happened.

[673] I love that piece, by the way.

[674] Thank you.

[675] It was so accurate and honest.

[676] Yeah, it was on Facebook which was where I did a lot of my best work.

[677] Explain what you were saying to people that didn't read it.

[678] After Louis, a lot of people were rightly, you know, criticizing conduct and, you know, the whole METU thing.

[679] That's all valid.

[680] sure 100 % needs to happen but then there were people that were like you know louis was never funny or louis was just you know of course he got all these things he was a white guy or and i'm like wait what and they were like well he said this word i don't like well look at this joke and i'm like guys a week ago he was a comic genius we all agreed on that that was a widely held belief now out of nowhere he's not that funny and and these people are tweeting this from parking lots where they're performing.

[681] Some of these shows in LA are in like someone's driveway, you know?

[682] Yeah.

[683] And which is fine.

[684] I do them.

[685] I have no problem with that.

[686] Yeah.

[687] But they're getting on Twitter and knocking Louis from the back of a parking lot where they're doing a show.

[688] But what you, the reason you gave for why they're doing.

[689] Well, because these, there's, in any industry, people are going to get ahead by being agreeable, by having the right opinions, by crowdsourcing their opinions, by taking the temperature of the room and going, how does everyone feel?

[690] and those people are, you know, they're careerists.

[691] They're very good at office politics.

[692] They're very good at having the right friends.

[693] But their contributions are never really important or long -lasting because they never get great because they don't take any risk.

[694] Because I think greatness is something you have to risk constantly to get to that level.

[695] So a lot of these people do very well.

[696] They make money.

[697] They're successful.

[698] But they are careerist.

[699] and they're looking for comfort.

[700] And so when it was comfortable and safe to attack Louis and to bring Louis down and to elevate themselves, they did it.

[701] But they didn't do it when it could have hurt their career a week earlier, you know?

[702] So to me it was very disingenuous and the fact that more people weren't calling it out.

[703] And I made that point where I said the same thing on the other side of people who styled themselves like I'm a free speech warrior.

[704] I'm this anti -PC and their whole entire, higher persona is is the need to say the N word right they're like I can't do a joke if the punchline isn't fag like they're like we have to yeah so those to me are kind of the same people and they're they're the people they're just trying to arrange the world in a way that allows them to succeed those are the types of people also like you were talking about the actor in the you know they're they're putting on a facade yeah they're they've adopted a predetermined pattern of behavior 100 % and that predetermined pattern of behavior might be I'm a guy I drink every night we go hard I'm an artist I smoke cigarettes right I don't give a fuck right I'm not trying to get on TV yeah so to me it was like incredibly disingenuous you had all these people and a lot of them are angry and they're doing fine yeah like some of them are talented like some of these people have their own shows and they're getting angry at louis and they're getting angry and I'm like there's a there's a real because here's the thing artist fear told me something made a lot of sense once he goes it's it can really be a waste to get into this type of business and end up in an office right writing for a show you don't care about in a job you hate punching a clock and that stuck with me and always like it might be harder to go the other way and to build a fan base and to do what you want but it's going to be it's going to be better in the end and you're not going to be angry you're not going to be resentful and i think a lot of the people that were were again shitting on his comedy not so much his behavior but his comedy are people that are would want more in this than they have and they're resentful at guys like Louis because it is it's not fair how talented he is well it's not just how talented he is his work ethic there's a lot of factors the risks that he does take i mean he says controversial things he always has whether you agree or not like one of the things about the parkland thing you know when he got in trouble about uh you know saying that all you did was push some fat kid out of the way yeah that is so consistent with his material yeah the idea that anybody's saying like oh my god he's punching down like you need to go review his material again because he he said a lot of risky shit because it was funny and he had really good points about it yeah no is that something that i would joke about probably not right but he did you wouldn't joke about fat people uh yes i would but uh i don't think i would joke about kids getting shot it's a tough take yeah to make funny but that's why yeah but i think he could i think honestly we were you're dealing with first of all the embryo of a bit.

[705] I mean, he's really only been doing stand -up again for a couple of months, and back then it was even less.

[706] And I think, ultimately, his idea that bit, rather, is that kids today, like, they want to be a they and a them, and they have 78 different genders, and why am I, why are you interesting?

[707] You're interesting because you didn't get shot?

[708] Right.

[709] That is his take on it.

[710] And he probably, with overall reaction and anticipation of reaction, probably would have eliminated that part of the bit.

[711] Sure.

[712] And you know what I'm saying?

[713] Like, you know how it works.

[714] Absolutely.

[715] I think part of it is too, I was attracted to comedy because of guys like Bill Hicks or Patrice and the things that those guys said, you could only say on a stage if you were really funny.

[716] Right.

[717] That's what I love about comedy.

[718] Me too.

[719] That doesn't mean that everyone has to love that.

[720] There's people that love it for a million different reasons.

[721] Sure.

[722] But I love when Bill Hicks got up and he said, I was for the war, but against the troops.

[723] Yeah.

[724] That's still to me one of the most amazing jokes I've ever heard.

[725] When he goes, we had a war in the States, I was in the unenviable.

[726] position of being for the war, but against the troops.

[727] Yeah, he's like all those men living together.

[728] Yeah, he's like, I just don't like young people or whatever he thought.

[729] It's just great.

[730] I'm like, oh, you couldn't say that in Human Resources Meet.

[731] You couldn't say that in an office.

[732] You couldn't say that if you were out to lunch with a bunch of people, probably.

[733] You couldn't get away with that unless you were really funny.

[734] Yeah.

[735] But these guys have gotten so funny and they've, you know, perfected their craft to the point where they can get away with these things that the goal is to elicit laughter.

[736] It's not really, you're not going to change your mind, but the goal is to make you laugh about something that's dark and horrible that's what i love about comic yeah it's some of my favorite material some of my favorite material is fucked up it's wrong you probably shouldn't have said it but it'd make me howl out have you seen holzman no you never seen brian holzman no oh my god i like store yeah yeah i should check him out he could how long you in town for i'm in town for louis leave early march for a wedding oh great i'm coming back like a week a month now well he'll be here i'm sure he's here either Friday or Saturday because he doesn't really do the road okay he mostly just does the store yeah I don't even think he does other clubs I think I love it does the store he's just there when I started in 94 he was coming up he was there at the store in 94 wow and uh he was already there when I got there right and I was like whoa this guy's gonna be huge and for whatever reason he never left he just does the store but he's a legend but it's the best room I mean I just did a few guest spots there and I'm like oh this is the best room in the cut like I wouldn't leave either I'm like this is amazing yeah but you gotta leave Like I'm doing the improv tonight Or I did the improv the other night I'm doing the improv tomorrow night I mix it up And I did the ice house last night Right I mix it up You got I think you have to But it's the best room in the world Is he one of those guys who does this stuff Where you're like I can't believe I'm laughing When Susan Smith drowned her kids Do you remember that?

[737] Remember that?

[738] He got on stage that night He's like ladies and gentlemen I heard those were bad kids I heard they sat that close to the TV They never put away their blocks They constantly spilled their fucking milk Those kids will not be missed And we were like, Jesus Christ.

[739] Mitzie Shore would not let him go on stage after 9 -11.

[740] She would not let him go on stage.

[741] She told him he could stay home.

[742] She's like, you're on the bench, kid.

[743] How long?

[744] For like weeks.

[745] Oh, my God.

[746] He got benched.

[747] She's like, don't let him on.

[748] He got benched after 9 -11.

[749] By Mitsy Shore.

[750] Oh, that's great.

[751] By Mitzie Shore, he would let you get away with fucking anything.

[752] Yeah, that's so wild.

[753] She was like, no, no. And this is pre -social media, too.

[754] She wasn't worried about a tweet story.

[755] him.

[756] No, no, that's so funny.

[757] She was like, you can't.

[758] You can't let them up.

[759] I love pre -Twitter to not let someone up.

[760] It has to be so egregious.

[761] He's a fucking animal, man. He's awesome now.

[762] He's so funny.

[763] Those are the things you laugh the heart.

[764] You know, when you're, I was looking at it as like when I was going through a Taco Bell drive -th grade and we were all stoned.

[765] The things, you would make jokes.

[766] Nobody in the car would ever go, that's too much.

[767] If they did, get rid of them.

[768] They're done.

[769] They're done.

[770] No one means that.

[771] No, we would say horrible things about each other's families.

[772] My mother's a schizophrenic.

[773] We would make fun of my mother, you know, and it was great.

[774] Yeah.

[775] I still do.

[776] Yeah.

[777] If you're somebody in your family's mentally ill, you're not making fun of them, it's your problem.

[778] The difference is between East Coast and West Coast comedy, is that West Coast comedy, they hold that carrot of a sitcom or, you know, hosting the Tonight Show or something like that above your head.

[779] We have health insurance.

[780] It's always there.

[781] East Coast comedy is just be funny.

[782] Be funny until you die.

[783] Be funny.

[784] and mean.

[785] There's a lot of meanness.

[786] And it's a lot of...

[787] It's cold in the winter.

[788] It's cold and mean.

[789] And that's...

[790] But you know what I like about West Coast comedy, too, is it's a lot of performing.

[791] Because the rooms are big.

[792] Yes.

[793] The venues are big.

[794] East Coast rooms are a little smaller, so you have a lot of, like, writers.

[795] Right.

[796] I love the performing style.

[797] So I kind of like seeing people in the store with big acts.

[798] Yeah, there's not a lot of room to move.

[799] Like, if you're at the stand or, you know, a cellar or something.

[800] They're a little small.

[801] Yeah, they're tight little rooms.

[802] You can't move around on stage.

[803] There are some great performers in those.

[804] rooms that rock out in the smaller environment but like when I was in the store I was like oh there's huge rooms big performers and that's awesome especially like the main room the main room is amazing giant stage yeah it's it is interesting I like those really small intimate rooms in New York they lend themselves a lot to talking to the crowd and being sharp and having really sharp bits yes that hit and then I think and that's why you've got to go everywhere because you need the when you go on the road you want a little bit of everything yeah you want to be able to perform and you want to have sharp jokes but you got to be able to do crowd work you got to you know yeah i started on boston and boston was always no one has a long attention span everybody wants you to do the jokes quick and if you start bombing you're not going to recover really nobody recovers in boston it's tough out there once you start eating shit they're done with you bobby kelly would tell me stories about like the rooms he came up doing they are rough rooms yeah we came up together yeah i've done me and i did a lot of road gigs together yeah yeah and So is that like, what area of Boston?

[805] Is that like outside of Boston?

[806] Yeah, we did a lot of the Dick Dardy comedy huts out in the middle of fucking nowhere.

[807] That sounds great, though.

[808] Worcester.

[809] Oh, they were great.

[810] There were Aku Akus, which is like a Polynesian restaurant.

[811] Yeah.

[812] And they would have Comedy Hut.

[813] I went, I did one of the 15 -minute Netflix specials.

[814] I went the next day, two days later, I went to a room in Massachusetts outside of Boston, and I bombed so bad.

[815] It was amazing.

[816] I was like, well, this is why the funniest people in the world come from this state.

[817] Where was it?

[818] Do you remember where you were?

[819] Where was I?

[820] I forget.

[821] It was a, I don't want to say the actual show.

[822] Who booked it?

[823] Who did book it?

[824] This guy booked it.

[825] He knows exactly.

[826] He'll probably tweet me or something.

[827] But it was in, God, it was outside.

[828] It was like 20 minutes outside.

[829] It was in, not Hingham, but it was somewhere, and it was not good.

[830] It was just a bar.

[831] It was a circular bar.

[832] And I got up.

[833] And then nobody was like, and in, the middle of my set, a woman, a drunk woman started yelling to me, and then I yelled back at her, and then it was okay, because we yelled at each other for 20 minutes.

[834] That was the show.

[835] What did she yell?

[836] I think it was something, you're not funny, you fat fuck, something like that.

[837] Something that was justified at that moment in the set, and I went back at her, I was like, listen to me, you fucking animal, and then it was great, and then they perked right up.

[838] Right.

[839] And then the material worked after that.

[840] It was okay.

[841] It was exciting when something like that happens, like, finally.

[842] It was the Trump moment.

[843] It was the moment.

[844] It was a moment where people are like sat up in their chairs are like okay we can you know um when i was living in boston you could make a living and not leave oh wow you could stay in boston and you could go 20 minutes here 30 minutes there you go to and over you go to hang them you go to framing ham you go to all these different places and you can do gigs and i mean you wouldn't get rich but you could pay your bills and never leave town and so there was so much comedy there were so many rooms like barry cats had a bunch of rooms and the comedy connection had a bunch of rooms and mike clark had a bunch of rooms and they were that's what like really got you really strong yeah because you're mostly doing these hell gigs you're doing these hell gigs and so when i came to new york what got me was that everything was like small there were small crowds small stages and you would do a short amount of time yeah and i was like ooh i don't like this that much it was like a showcase set like 15, 10, 50 minutes.

[845] Yeah, because I was doing like middle sets, I'd do a half hour.

[846] Yeah.

[847] And then if I was headlined, I'd do 45 minutes.

[848] Well, come out to Long Island.

[849] We have kind of, it's an approximation of, you know, of Boston.

[850] They're wild folks.

[851] Oh, I did a lot of gigs in Long Island.

[852] Yeah.

[853] A lot of gigs in Long Island.

[854] They'll, the benefit of the doubt is non -existent.

[855] Yeah, when I got out there, East Side Comedy Club was there.

[856] Oh, wow.

[857] I was back in the day when Jenny was still around.

[858] I remember I tell the story all the time, but it's so crazy.

[859] Like, people forgot how goddamn good.

[860] Richard Jenny was he was there one night he did four different hours on Friday and Saturday so he did two shows Friday two show Saturday four completely different hours and the the opening act and the this uh who the fuck was it who the fuck was the umc was a friend of mine peter god damn it peter boyle forget his last name peter bales yeah yeah yeah yeah i know glasses yeah good dude yeah older guy yes yeah yeah yeah he was younger back then um this is back in the Disney, but he was just like shaking his head, like, what the fuck, man?

[861] The guy did four different hours.

[862] Yeah.

[863] And I remember, you know, I was just barely starting out.

[864] I was sitting back going, what the fuck?

[865] Yeah.

[866] How does a man do four different hours?

[867] He goes, he didn't repeat a premise.

[868] He didn't repeat a punchline.

[869] He did, and he crushed.

[870] And this is one weekend?

[871] One weekend.

[872] Two shows Friday, two show Saturday.

[873] He was a genius, man. He was responsible for so many people's acts, too.

[874] He would tighten up people.

[875] He worked a lot with Rock.

[876] You know, He worked a lot with Chris on the road and worked on, helped him with his specials.

[877] Was he from Boston, Jenny?

[878] No, he was a New York guy.

[879] Okay, yeah, yeah.

[880] I think he was from Brooklyn.

[881] He was fucking amazing, man. But that was the East Side Comedy Club back in the day.

[882] Yeah, yeah.

[883] No, it's good.

[884] Those rooms, like governors of brokerage.

[885] I like those rooms because you go out there.

[886] If you're funny, you're funny, you'll kill.

[887] And if you're, if you're like lacking or if you're like a bit's half done, they'll let you know.

[888] They'll let you know.

[889] They'll let you know.

[890] Yeah, they're going to, but that's good.

[891] You need that.

[892] It's why Colin Quinn builds his shows there, and they're amazing.

[893] Yeah.

[894] Because, and their, you know, his new shows, great, Red State, Blue State.

[895] But, like, did he build it out there?

[896] I don't know if he did this one.

[897] He built a lot of his shows out there because, like, he goes out there and he says, if it's good, they're really going to let you know.

[898] Right.

[899] So it's where a lot of comics will go and test, similar to those rooms in Boston.

[900] You really test, you get coddled a little bit in New York City in L .A. Yeah.

[901] You get coddled, so you've got to go out there to somebody who doesn't give a shit.

[902] That's, you know, the people who are like, listen.

[903] I'm either, those people out there don't choose to laugh.

[904] Right.

[905] They laugh or they don't.

[906] Right.

[907] You go to Echo Park, they choose.

[908] Yeah.

[909] They sit there and they go, ah ha ha ha ha.

[910] Or they'll go like this, they go, no. Like in their face, you'll see it.

[911] They'll be like, no. Out in those areas, like Long Island, it's an instinctual, guttural laugh.

[912] Yeah, it's not, it's not.

[913] Yeah, the thing about, like, laughter when you're choosing to laugh.

[914] Right.

[915] in here and there it's so pretentious it's not fun yeah it goes back to that example of like growing up you you're making people laugh who the hell's choosing to laugh yeah what psychopath is sitting there going uh also they're mostly in the business like a lot of the audience is in the business the whole thing is the whole thing is agents who are like 22 years old yep they're like embryos just so young the agents and agents and managers for the most part excluding mine who I love but agents and managers they're rich kids who can't do tech or finance a lot of them there's quite a few let's be honest these are rich kids whose parents go hey can you do something because I don't want to look at you anymore and they're not going to get a job at Jollybee so they're going to go get a desk at UTI or CIA or WME and most I mean everyone needs one too that's the other thing you're not going to negotiate on your own You're going to do a terrible job.

[916] If you negotiate your own gigs.

[917] I will take any amount of money to do anything.

[918] I mean, I'm horrible at negotiating.

[919] I was bad in sales.

[920] Sales didn't work, and now I'm here.

[921] You know, apparently Bill Murray doesn't have an agent or a manager.

[922] He has an answering machine.

[923] Really?

[924] And people call them up and they make them offers to do things.

[925] And he'll listen to those messages and go, hmm, I'll do that one.

[926] And he just goes and does it.

[927] Well, if you're like a legend like that, I guess you can.

[928] can do that.

[929] You can do whatever he wants.

[930] What an interesting system.

[931] No, I need an agent like blackmail people, CIA -level blackmail to get me into rooms.

[932] Well, the thing, it's not just that, like, you need someone to actually do the talking for you to, like, get gigs.

[933] Oh, yeah.

[934] Or, you know, to negotiate your money or to do your air travel.

[935] She'll call me and she'll be like, they wanted 85 shows over the weekend.

[936] I got him down to sick, you know?

[937] Yeah.

[938] Because I'm like a newer comic.

[939] So if they want nine, seven shows, I do it.

[940] Yeah, I'll do it.

[941] Do you get, what, five shows on Saturday, I'll do it.

[942] Do you do three shows on Saturday night?

[943] Yeah, yeah.

[944] Three at the same club?

[945] Sometimes, yeah.

[946] Those are weird.

[947] That third show, you don't know what the fuck you already talked about.

[948] The third show is not even comedy anymore.

[949] I don't know what it's happening.

[950] I don't know what's happening at that point, but it can be really fun.

[951] The third show a lot of times is people, the audience is people who've been asked to leave other venues.

[952] Right.

[953] So they're drunk and walking by the club and they go, I don't know, and you just, their friend brings him in.

[954] This is literally, I've heard, I've literally spoke to some.

[955] I'm like, why are they here?

[956] And they were going, well, we were asked to leave, and they saw it, and they just saw the lights, and they liked lights.

[957] So we brought them in, and now you're talking about, you know, frozen yogurt or whatever, and they're, you know, but it's nuts.

[958] The third show's crazy.

[959] What's the latest set you can get in New York City these days?

[960] Oh, you can get like, I think it's like a 245 or something.

[961] You can get something crazy.

[962] 245.

[963] Maybe it's 230.

[964] Maybe it's two.

[965] You can get something really late.

[966] Wow.

[967] People are up.

[968] Who the fuck is there at 245?

[969] There's people.

[970] Really?

[971] Yeah.

[972] What's it like?

[973] It ain't, I mean, I think it, I think it's pretty good depending on the night.

[974] Like a Saturday night, 245.

[975] Probably great.

[976] Wow.

[977] I mean, listen, as it gets louder, it gets, yeah, I think the seller is the latest, I think.

[978] But as it gets louder, I mean, as it gets later, people get drunker.

[979] I used to do danger fields.

[980] That's still there.

[981] Yeah.

[982] And we used to do prom shows.

[983] Yeah.

[984] Do you ever do the prom show thing?

[985] I'm not a prom show act.

[986] This is what they do with the pro.

[987] If a bunch of kids are sitting there and I walk out on stage, it's a bad prom.

[988] Well, it's always a bad prom.

[989] Those problem shows are terrible.

[990] But what they do is they don't, you, back in the day at least, they didn't change the crowd.

[991] So you would go out.

[992] Like, say if there's like four comics on the lineup.

[993] There's an MC and three other comics, and then there's the next show.

[994] It starts all over again.

[995] The audience is there.

[996] So they want you to do the exact same act so that the kids will leave.

[997] Because they have no account of the kids.

[998] So the buses pull up and they're just stuffing these kids in there.

[999] And they're hoping that if you do the same bits, the kids will get bored.

[1000] And they got mad at me because I'm like, look, I'm not doing the same material.

[1001] I see the same faces.

[1002] It's boring.

[1003] Yeah, I'm only doing a 15 -minute set.

[1004] I go, I have more material.

[1005] I'm going to do other bits.

[1006] And they're like, you've got to do the same jokes.

[1007] We're trying to get these people out of here.

[1008] I'm like, how about just guess, just grab them?

[1009] Just get them out of here.

[1010] Yeah, just light of fire.

[1011] But we would do them until 5 o 'clock in the morning.

[1012] Dangerfield, the last time I was in Dangerfield.

[1013] It was four people in a room.

[1014] Two couples.

[1015] The waiter's about in his mid -80s It's dark And I'm performing in front of a piano It's one of those nights where you go You know This was a choice I made To get into this business But there's something haunting about that room And it was actually fun I'm just entertaining two couples Yeah It's crazy I did one couple once at Dangerfield Yeah There was no one There was no show I had a 9 o 'clock spot Listen this There's never a show I had a 9 o 'clock spot Yeah I got there at 845 The comics are sitting around the bar I go, what's going on?

[1016] Like, there's no one here.

[1017] I go, there's no one here?

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] And then right when I said that, this couple walked up.

[1020] And Bobby, who was the doorman, who's this fucking Scottish power lifter guy, he was like 5 '10 and 5 foot 10 wide.

[1021] Oh, interesting.

[1022] I saw him grab a kid by his neck at one of these prom shows and pick him up by his neck and carry him out of there.

[1023] But anyway, he was this tank of a man. He was always fucking hilarious and ruthless on the comedians.

[1024] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1025] You're going to try that bag of shite you call a fucking.

[1026] connect and anyway these people walk in he's like ladies gentlemen welcome to danger fields come on right in and he brings him in and these people walk into his empty room and sit down and they're like what the fuck is going on that's crazy and then all of a sudden the lights come on and then the emcee comes out and they sat through all of us wow sat through I was like you know fourth on the lineup or something like that I did my fucking 15 minutes in front of these two people and they were into it they were great yeah they were great but it was weird you know So those shows, what's good about those shows...

[1027] They build you.

[1028] Well, they let you know what's bullshit in your act because you feel embarrassed saying it.

[1029] That's a great point.

[1030] Yeah, it feels clunky coming out of your mouth.

[1031] Right, especially to three people.

[1032] Well, things are always clunky, right?

[1033] Right.

[1034] Like, when it's a small crowd, they're really clunky.

[1035] Like, when you're working on material, every time I have a premise or even if I'm fucking telling a story, a lot of times, like, as I'm starting to tell the story, like, the beginning part is a little fucking clunky, and maybe I'm...

[1036] saying something the wrong way and it doesn't make total sense and then eventually it catches on if you do that in front of two people they're like what are you doing yeah the best story about Dangerfield was there was a guy who walked in once I was sitting in the bar area he had a Rodney Dangerfield doll and he walked in he goes listen I've had a business for you know for 10 years up the block we found this doll I'm moving to you know wherever he was going he's like we're closing up shop here you go I thought you might like it and then the guy took it he said to the owner he said he just there was no speaking right he just showed him this doll and then the owner just pointed and then the guy carried this Rodney Dangerfield doll down the stairs and just put it in like storage and it was the darkest moment it was just such a dark moment to sit there silent just the owner went and pointed and the guy just took this Dangerfield doll and he walked it down into God only know the phantom of the opera whatever the hell goes down under that club but yeah that's a real that's like the oldest club in the country How's it still open?

[1037] That is a great question that the FBI would probably want to look into.

[1038] I don't know.

[1039] Because everybody's get that same story.

[1040] I was there.

[1041] People go.

[1042] 25 years ago.

[1043] 25 years ago, there was no one there.

[1044] I mean, that fucking show that I'm telling you about, that was 25 years ago.

[1045] There's never been anyone there.

[1046] I don't know.

[1047] They make money off those prom shows, though.

[1048] They were packed.

[1049] It's like a great joke about, like, Nanette, that my buddy Nick Mullin, who's an amazingly funny comedian said.

[1050] He's like, Nanette, no one.

[1051] seen it, it's just a trailer.

[1052] Like, no one's seen the net.

[1053] It's just a trailer.

[1054] And everyone's like, it's brave.

[1055] It's brilliant.

[1056] It's amazing.

[1057] It's my number one.

[1058] And it's just a trailer.

[1059] It literally doesn't exist.

[1060] So maybe, I don't know, but it is, it's one of those rooms in New York that's kind of haunting.

[1061] Yeah, it's a strange place.

[1062] Did you ever listen to the Day the Laughter died?

[1063] No. It's Dice Clay's double album that he filmed there.

[1064] Oh, wow.

[1065] With no audience.

[1066] No one knew he was coming.

[1067] He had no material.

[1068] Zero.

[1069] That's amazing.

[1070] He just started talking about shit and ad -libbing things.

[1071] And he was as big as a fucking comedian could be at the time.

[1072] And he called it the day the laughter died.

[1073] Rick Rubin produced it.

[1074] No, I've heard of it, but I didn't know it was so...

[1075] It's fucking brilliant and terrible at the same time.

[1076] Really?

[1077] Some guy gets up in the middle of his set.

[1078] He goes, you're about as funny as a glass of milk.

[1079] Oh, my God.

[1080] What a polite heckle.

[1081] What an old -fashioned heckle.

[1082] I've never heard that.

[1083] Usually people are like, shut up, faggot!

[1084] You're about as funny as a glass of milk.

[1085] That's lovely.

[1086] Yeah, some guy from Kennellian.

[1087] etiquette or something like that you know and he got mad you got mad at dice and you know dice is just shitting on him and shitting on everything ice probably just destroyed him well it was destroying him but i'm telling you he wasn't even trying right it was it was like he was at some crazy place in his career where he just decided to do a set where he's bombing do you ever think of doing something like that crazy you never think it just gone crazy and doing something completely yeah i'm just trying to do first of all, I would feel bad.

[1088] I can't do something bad on purpose because then people, if I do something bad, like, if you, ladies and gentlemen, if you hear it and it sucks, I fucked up.

[1089] That's it.

[1090] I made a mistake.

[1091] I didn't do it good.

[1092] Right.

[1093] I didn't put it together right.

[1094] It's trial and error.

[1095] Sometimes it's an error.

[1096] Yeah.

[1097] I'm not going to do anything bad on purpose.

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] But he was so big and no one had been that big before.

[1100] Right.

[1101] You have to realize no one had done arenas before him.

[1102] Right.

[1103] He was a first arena comic.

[1104] The first.

[1105] Yeah.

[1106] The first.

[1107] Yeah.

[1108] And a fucking hundred of them He would do them all over the country Yeah And he just Had that enough For whatever reason Yeah Of fucking everybody loving him Yeah And he's like fuck you I love that He just went out and just said Fuck it Double CD It's great Double CD It's like a Broadway show Like a live album Recording of a Broadway show Hours of no material Just rambling Talking about stuff Punch lines It don't make sense He's just out there Do whatever we want It's fucking great to this day, it's one of my favorite comedy albums of all time.

[1109] I'll listen to it every now and then for like 15 minutes in my car and just go, what the fuck?

[1110] Is it all at Dangerfield?

[1111] Yes, all of it.

[1112] All of it at Dangerfields, no one knew he was coming.

[1113] Yeah.

[1114] And when they saw him, they're like, holy shit, it's dice clay.

[1115] There's probably 20 people in the crowd.

[1116] They were so excited.

[1117] They probably did it on a Tuesday or some shit.

[1118] He's an animal.

[1119] That's amazing, though.

[1120] Yeah.

[1121] That's amazing.

[1122] That, to me, that type of stuff I like.

[1123] I like that type of stuff.

[1124] Because to me, it's like, it's the raw essence of what this is.

[1125] I found out about it from another comedian named Mike Donovan, a hilarious guy from Boston.

[1126] And he was crying, laughing, describing it.

[1127] And describing this bit that Dice was doing about Nixon eating ass.

[1128] He's like, oh, I love to eat ass.

[1129] I hate that ass.

[1130] Give me that fat fucking ass.

[1131] And he was doing this bit.

[1132] It was so ridiculous.

[1133] But for whatever reason, Mike Dunaven was tears were coming out of us.

[1134] He couldn't breathe as he was describing it.

[1135] I was like, God, I got to listen to this fucking thing.

[1136] Well, Dice is one of those guys when you watch him.

[1137] You're like, this guy can just talk.

[1138] Yeah.

[1139] And it's funny.

[1140] Well, he's going to be interesting.

[1141] He's been around for so long.

[1142] And, you know, to me, he's always represented to me my childhood.

[1143] Yeah.

[1144] Because when I was like 19, it was the first time I listened to his cassette in my car with my girlfriend.

[1145] And I, we were just crying and laughing.

[1146] I couldn't believe how funny he was.

[1147] Is that what made you?

[1148] Is he one of the guys where you were like, I want to start doing stand -up?

[1149] Yeah, for sure.

[1150] He was definitely one of them.

[1151] Him and Kinnison.

[1152] Him and Kinnisso.

[1153] And prior, but prior was, see, like, I remember watching.

[1154] And those guys and then watching Pryor and like, God, prior was so smooth.

[1155] He was so the way he was so personable and vulnerable.

[1156] He was something different because he was vulnerable.

[1157] You know, he would talk about like his life and his problems and all these different things about being addicted to drugs and all these different.

[1158] And it was so intelligent but vulnerable and honest.

[1159] And the timing was so good.

[1160] He was such a master.

[1161] I remember we were watching as me and my roommate.

[1162] at the time we watched the kinnison special and then we watched richard prior and my friend who was never a comedian never even thought he goes that fucking guy's the best yeah he's just the best and it was just we were both in agreement like yeah he's just better yeah just the the way he did it you know and this is you know we're talking like 1988 sure so it was still fairly fresh and prior was still alive and And it was just different, you know, he was, uh, he was like the first, I mean, obviously Lenny Bruce was the first really honest comedian, like, or one of the first honest social commentators and then, you know, Carlin, but Pryor took it to a weird personal place where you're like, we're rooting for him, you know, like, he was the most personal of all of those guys because the Hicks and Carlin were famously like not personal.

[1163] Yes.

[1164] And Prior was personal.

[1165] Yes.

[1166] Yeah.

[1167] Yes.

[1168] And personal.

[1169] And, And, you know, he would, like, emphasize humanity.

[1170] Yeah.

[1171] Like, you would emphasize, like, loving each other and being kind to each other.

[1172] That was a thing for him.

[1173] Yeah, absolutely.

[1174] Yeah.

[1175] But, you know, my parents took me to see live at the Sunset Strip when I was a little kid.

[1176] Oh, you saw it the actual...

[1177] No, no, no. I saw it in the movie theater.

[1178] Right, right.

[1179] In the movie theater.

[1180] And that was probably the big seed.

[1181] That was the impact, yeah.

[1182] Yeah, because I couldn't believe how funny this guy was just talking.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] I remember looking around the theater and these people.

[1185] People were, like, falling out of their chairs laughing.

[1186] And I'm like, I can't believe this guy is just talking.

[1187] And it's amazing.

[1188] Yeah, because all these movies that I'd seen that were really funny, it was a bunch of things happening and explosions and fucking stripes.

[1189] Yeah.

[1190] But this was not that.

[1191] Yeah, I saw Eddie Pepitone tape his special a few days ago at Dynasty Typewriter.

[1192] And he's one of those guys who's so funny and so electric that you have a room full of, you know, the type of people were kind of talking about, you're more button up, you know, more of that kind of alternative crowd.

[1193] they were barking and howling at how funny he was and some of the things he said the first thing he does he grabbed the microphone and he's like I'm on Molly and the whole room just exploded and he's one of those dudes I watch and I'm like man intensity is just raw power yeah he's such a nice guy too he's a great dude if you know him you root for him he's a sweetheart of a guy and an odd guy.

[1194] I don't know any other Eddie Pepitones.

[1195] No, that's what makes him so great.

[1196] He's like, this is an experience and to me the best comedy I think is a comedy where you go, oh, I'm having an experience now, I can't have again.

[1197] Right, right, right.

[1198] I can't have this again.

[1199] Especially a live show.

[1200] Yeah, I can't go down the block and see this.

[1201] Yeah.

[1202] It's not a steakhouse.

[1203] It's the same in every city.

[1204] Right.

[1205] This is a fucking unique human individual that's having this experience at this moment and I'm lucky to be here with it.

[1206] Yeah, yeah.

[1207] Yeah.

[1208] Yeah, live shows man there's something about it that it's so hard to translate when you did your Netflix post you did one of the 15 minute ones yes how many they're doing a lot of those which I think is a good move they're doing four to five thousand Joe it's a great move it's a great move to have everyone have a special I think my mother's doing one it's very exciting you don't even have to do comedy to have a special anymore no you can just sit in a car and talk that's my next submission tape will be me speaking in a car going through an in and out Bill Burr's videos of him driving around as fucking Prius, just talking than the funniest thing in the world.

[1209] It's funny than most specials.

[1210] The Netflix thing was a lot of fun, but here's the reality.

[1211] I watch it back and I'm like it was funner in the room.

[1212] You know, it's just one of those things.

[1213] I bet bring the pain was better in the room, even though it's amazing.

[1214] You watch that and you're like, this is the highest heights of anything.

[1215] Yeah, that's why when someone makes you laugh really hard on a special, like, God, imagine what would have been like being there.

[1216] Oh yeah, I mean, there's, comedy's an act.

[1217] One of my friends always says, comedy should be seen live in and listen there's something different about a smaller venue like when people go see you at the store there's something different than seeing you in a theater yeah the level of intimacy yeah you know seeing you work stuff out seeing you on in on the you know in the moment there's something different about that 100 % yeah yeah i like a 150 to 300 seat room that's what i like but i also i like 11000 seats too it's kind of crazy it's fun in a weird way that's amazing and if you can make those people like feel like it's intimate It's like a, it's like a, you can.

[1218] You can treat 11 ,000 people the same way you treat the main room.

[1219] It seems like a 500 seat room that's filled with about 80 people.

[1220] That's good too.

[1221] That's because there's low expectations.

[1222] That's what I like.

[1223] I like a big room full of a very small amount of people.

[1224] And they can sit back and get really drunk and not worry.

[1225] Can relax.

[1226] Send all the wait staff home.

[1227] Shut off most of the lights.

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] There's something, there's something going on when you're doing a live performance that no one's ever really quantified.

[1230] It's some kind of mass hypnosis.

[1231] It's an energy transfer.

[1232] Because I was an actor for when I was a kid, I was six years old to 12.

[1233] I was an actor.

[1234] Yeah.

[1235] So your parents' idea?

[1236] It was my idea, Joe.

[1237] And like, like, most six -year -old.

[1238] When you were six?

[1239] Yeah, it was great.

[1240] I knew it.

[1241] Got your cavalry license?

[1242] Yeah, I was on Sesame Street twice.

[1243] Were you really?

[1244] Yeah.

[1245] For real?

[1246] Oh, legit.

[1247] Was it really your idea?

[1248] Yeah, I pointed at the TV and said, well, unless my parents are lying, because I don't remember, and they are liars.

[1249] So they needed money also.

[1250] they said I pointed to the TV and said I want to be on that and I just and I made them you know take me on auditions that maybe they were looking over their bills and I was a good looking little kid and they said he needs to start pulling his weight and you know we got to start taking him out but yeah I was on Sesame Street I was in a bunch of plays and stuff that live performance is different it's still energy yeah but there's nothing quite like being alone on a stage doing comedy well there's also do too much later it's all your shit you're right right it you're figuring out how to say it yeah you're crafting it putting it together yeah and that's why the rejection is the deepest how do you write i go on stage with an idea and i've started doing these little videos on instagram where i actually kind of rant about an issue and if people kind of respond positively to them sometimes i'll take that to the stage and i'll just try to rant about an issue and like find a few lines that are keepers that are funny and that's and then i'll sit down and rewrite it and re -look at the bit but a lot of what I do has to be like how does it sound what's the inflection what's the pacing so like being on stage helps a lot but there are things that I what's hard for me what I have to get better about is writing about things I don't care about something so like if like if you said give me 50 jokes about the Kardashians I would not want to do that but why would you need to well I'm not saying I do but I mean that's a skill some people have there's great monologue joke writers and stuff but if I see something that's ridiculous that I'm like perplexed by or I think is funny I can devote attention and energy into making that funny.

[1251] Yeah, I say just concentrate on that.

[1252] Fuck all that other stuff.

[1253] I mean that's that's but I do.

[1254] I am in the awe of certain people where you can go, oh yeah, here's a topic give me 50 jokes and they'll have them and they're good.

[1255] But you notice that those guys usually wind up working as writers and they always feel kind of shitty.

[1256] That's a lot of them do.

[1257] That's not a good get.

[1258] When you're a great comic and you're working as a writer on a sitcom that's a that's a bad and you were talking about it earlier like i i know a few guys like owen smith you know i don't know i've heard the name one of the best fucking stand -ups in the country yeah he's so good right he has his bit i don't want to tell you much about it okay because it's about adopting a white son it is one of the funniest bits i've ever seen in my fucking life it's so good that you're like holy shit yeah it's so it's so it's so like you can't believe what he's saying while he's saying it.

[1259] Right.

[1260] But this is a guy that is I mean, skill -wise, one of the best stand -up comics in the country.

[1261] Yeah.

[1262] But he's not known for it as much as he's got a real career as a writer.

[1263] You know, he's trying to branch out and move away from that.

[1264] But God damn, that guy murders.

[1265] When he's in the comedy store, I always sit in the back of the room and watch.

[1266] Yeah, well, a lot of people, I guess, with families and kids, you've got to make decisions, you know.

[1267] Exactly.

[1268] Exactly.

[1269] But that already thing stuck with me when it's like, do you want to be doing something you don't care about?

[1270] Yes.

[1271] So to me, I have to write about things that I'm interested in.

[1272] Like, I think people, the people's careers that I want are the people that I envy, their careers seem to be led by their interests.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] Things that interest them.

[1275] Yeah.

[1276] Well, that's a better life.

[1277] Yeah.

[1278] You know, I've done both.

[1279] I've done, like, when I was doing Fear Factor, I wasn't remotely interested in it other than the paycheck.

[1280] Right.

[1281] I mean, it was a good gig.

[1282] I'm not, like, I'm not shitting on it.

[1283] It was a great gig.

[1284] I love that I had that job.

[1285] I love being financially stable.

[1286] You know, at the time, I was like, good.

[1287] Now I don't have to worry about paying my bills.

[1288] It's a nice thing.

[1289] And it was a great.

[1290] group of people that I work with producers and everybody network everybody's great but there's such a difference between doing that and then doing a podcast oh yeah there's a giant difference well that's the way and the way that I've kind of done my podcast is like what do I care about yeah what do I want to know about who can I feasibly get on to talk about it those are the things that are interesting to me yeah not so much like let's just pick a topic that's in the news right that everyone will have a take on but I mean even even that if that's what you're interested in.

[1291] There's nothing wrong with that.

[1292] Of course.

[1293] If you're interested in that, yeah.

[1294] But as a comic, to have no boss is so nice.

[1295] Yeah, that's something nice.

[1296] Oh, it's the nicest.

[1297] That's the move.

[1298] It's the nice.

[1299] These comics, they get pigeonholed and stuck into these gigs where they don't want to fuck up the gig so they don't want to say anything controversial so their material gets bland.

[1300] And some of them take these big moral stands and it's like, well, you're making a crazy amount of money.

[1301] Like some of them are like, I won't work here and I won't work.

[1302] If that person is on a lineup, I won't do it.

[1303] And I'm like, yeah, but you're making a lot of money.

[1304] That drives me crazy That I'm not going to work with Unless someone's stealing Right Just stop Unless someone's stealing Or they're punching people Or they're being a rapist or something I mean this is something so egregious They should probably be in jail Like what?

[1305] What?

[1306] You got creative differences Right You fucking baby Yeah get over it grow up Yeah just get up there Yeah I've worked with a lot of people I don't enjoy working Yeah and I don't have the luxury Of like You know I'm gonna I won't work this venue Because this person worked there It's like that's good You know Well I still don't I mean at the store I'm there all the time with people I don't even hardly know right you know I mean you're you're on a line up with 14 15 people yeah but that's good too that's true the half of those people could be rapists more than half right so we that's a clip that's a clip right there depends on whose definition that's a clip right yeah depends on whose definition right right right now it's like words right you got to be fucking careful you know it's true well that's where we come in that's where it's very confused Because we as comics, especially comics like you and I, that say fucked up shit, you can get away with things that are really not supposed to be in society anymore.

[1307] So sometimes people will get up and leave.

[1308] Like, I can't believe like, hey, I'm joking.

[1309] Sure.

[1310] Don't you get that I'm joking?

[1311] Aren't you drunk?

[1312] Aren't you in a room?

[1313] Isn't it 11 .30 at night?

[1314] Or you perform earlier.

[1315] But with me, I'm like, isn't it 4 a .m.?

[1316] Yeah.

[1317] What's the problem?

[1318] Right.

[1319] If you can't take this opinion now, when are you going to take it?

[1320] Yeah.

[1321] And sometimes it's not good.

[1322] Yeah.

[1323] Sometimes the material is not good.

[1324] I had a bit about those Parkland kids that never worked where I said, I don't want anyone to get shot, but these kids are annoying.

[1325] These five are annoying.

[1326] I said, I don't want anyone to get shot.

[1327] I don't want any.

[1328] So I said, let's ban guns.

[1329] But first we have to shoot these kids.

[1330] We have to kill the Parkland kids, these five.

[1331] We have to shoot the phones out of their hands.

[1332] And they're going to be the last.

[1333] And we're going to explain to them.

[1334] We're going to go, we're banning guns.

[1335] You'll be the last five people to ever die.

[1336] And it didn't work.

[1337] And people were not exactly thrilled with it.

[1338] But it's like you should be able to.

[1339] Try.

[1340] You should be able to try.

[1341] You got to try.

[1342] You should be able to try.

[1343] Because sometimes, like, you know, you were saying you go on stage with a premise, and then in the middle of doing that premise, you'll find the beats.

[1344] Sometimes you don't find the beats.

[1345] Yeah.

[1346] Sometimes you think maybe there's something there.

[1347] I've had a few bits where I was sure there was something there.

[1348] I've never been offended by a joke.

[1349] That's me personally.

[1350] Like, I've never, have you ever been offended by a joke?

[1351] No, I've never been offended, but I've been like, ugh, that one wasn't good.

[1352] Right.

[1353] But that's normal.

[1354] Sure.

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] It's, um, the finding.

[1358] the beats on stage in front of a live crowd too there's something about that high wire act that makes your brain go to these weird places that comes up with punchlines you have to fucking find a punchline you have to find something funny you have to these people paid money it's like it's like waving a steak in front of a junkyard dog and you keep tossing them little bits and then eventually like you have to throw them the steak and sometimes there's no punchline that's just part of the fucking gig sometimes you got shit a trump rally just screaming If he doesn't get elected, do you think he goes and starts a podcast, TV network?

[1359] He totally could.

[1360] Yeah.

[1361] He totally could.

[1362] It probably be better for him, honestly.

[1363] That's what he thought he was going to do, I think.

[1364] Before he got elected, I think he was having high -level meetings with people in the media space to start something like that.

[1365] Well, once NBC fired him, NBC fired him while he was running because of the stuff that he said about Mexico, that they're all rapists.

[1366] You're like, someone's doing the raping.

[1367] Right.

[1368] That's the way he talks It's so fucking crazy It's out of control For a person running for president NBC is like That's it, we're getting rid of you And then they put Arnold in his place And that was a disaster Do you remember that people forgot Arnold hosted the apprentice You're fired Yeah that was horrible It was terrible Yeah And Trump was shitting on them Did they just Did they just scrapped the show after that?

[1369] Yes, they canceled it Here's a question Does he go back to the apprentice After the presidency?

[1370] Well if NBC will have him I think he's too toxic now.

[1371] No, he's way too toxic.

[1372] He's way too toxic.

[1373] Maybe he could come up with something like that for Fox.

[1374] Oh, Fox is in.

[1375] They'll scoop them up.

[1376] That's what's great about Fox.

[1377] They'll play ball.

[1378] They'll play ball.

[1379] They're not going to leave money on the table.

[1380] You know what, though?

[1381] They did want Megan Kelly back.

[1382] They're like...

[1383] Well, she did a thing.

[1384] I used to do the show Red Eye on Fox News, which was comics would just try to be funny.

[1385] Yeah.

[1386] It was they aired it at like 3 a .m. East Coast time.

[1387] And I saw her the week she was doing that, and she was in like the dressing room, and she knew she shouldn't have left.

[1388] She could feel it.

[1389] She'd already made the decision, but you could kind of see it in her face that I think she knew that she was going to try to be this daytime TV queen and like, let's bake cupcakes, you know?

[1390] I just spent four years on Fox News talking about Santa being white, but now let's bake cupcakes because I'm America's sweetheart.

[1391] That's never going to work.

[1392] Well, it's weird when you publicly change your image.

[1393] It's insane.

[1394] You're publicly changing your image?

[1395] Her shirts, her skirts got longer.

[1396] Oh, yeah.

[1397] She covered her neck.

[1398] You know, there's no more cleavage.

[1399] Every show was about sexual assault.

[1400] She was trying to make it.

[1401] Every single show was about sexual assault.

[1402] I think she was trying to ingratiate herself in with the people that hated her.

[1403] Which is like the New York media types, the people that did not like her.

[1404] And then she was like, okay.

[1405] But it wasn't even just about sexual assault.

[1406] One of them was a lady who fucked Matt Lauer.

[1407] And she knew she was fucking him.

[1408] And she was talking about her.

[1409] She fucked him.

[1410] Well, I didn't know any better.

[1411] I was 25.

[1412] Right.

[1413] You're 25.

[1414] You fucked a guy.

[1415] You fucked Matt Lauer.

[1416] What happened that's bad here?

[1417] Well, he shouldn't have fucked you because he was married.

[1418] Okay, after that, what happened?

[1419] What's going on?

[1420] Nothing?

[1421] You just fucked him?

[1422] Who cares?

[1423] Why is this a segment of a show?

[1424] Is it because it's scandalous?

[1425] Is that what it is?

[1426] Megan Kelly did an interview with her?

[1427] Yeah.

[1428] Yeah, it was, you know, and she was saying, you know, I was young and I was impressionable.

[1429] Sure.

[1430] Of course you were.

[1431] It's funny to see them all put nails in each other's coffins.

[1432] Right, exactly.

[1433] Isn't that great?

[1434] Media's like this blood feud.

[1435] There's only a few families that control all this information.

[1436] They all hate each other.

[1437] That's why Succession is such a great show.

[1438] Well, I think with Megan it was like that she had been sexually harassed while she was at Fox News and she was going after all those people.

[1439] Yeah.

[1440] So she was going after.

[1441] And I think Bill O 'Reilly, too.

[1442] I think there was something.

[1443] He paid somebody 38 million.

[1444] So it's like, that's a lot.

[1445] What did he do?

[1446] I think it was 32.

[1447] Was it 32 or 38?

[1448] What did that guy do?

[1449] And my grandfather still has a Bill O 'Reilly Patriots Welcome doormat.

[1450] Wow.

[1451] You know, it's a good mat.

[1452] I mean, imagine.

[1453] That's a giant amount of money.

[1454] It's the amount of money where what he did should be, I mean, it seems like it could be a Netflix documentary.

[1455] Right.

[1456] It's going to be, it's like horrific.

[1457] Like he offered her 37 million.

[1458] She's like, no. Keep going.

[1459] Yeah, right.

[1460] I'm going to need more.

[1461] Right.

[1462] I'm going to need more after what you did to me. This is a $32 million offense.

[1463] Yeah.

[1464] Well, there was that one recording that you had left on some assistance machine.

[1465] Andrea Macris, that woman, yeah.

[1466] Touch a little.

[1467] lufa sponge or some weird shit i mean that's his that's what he was trying to do that's how a creepy old guy move yeah get you with a sponge it's an interesting he tried to have his ex -wife he tried to have his ex -communicated from the church what great did it oh you tried i mean no the why well because he wanted her to go to hell a church yeah catholic church imagine what kind of donation you have to make to get your ex -wife sent to hell probably 32 million he's got it but he wanted her excommunicated, that's the type of guy he is.

[1468] But the crazy thing is, even after all this, the guy still had the number one book in the New York Times.

[1469] Oh, yeah, because people, yeah, people dig in.

[1470] They just give in.

[1471] They dig in, they don't care.

[1472] They like them.

[1473] They like him.

[1474] I know who he is.

[1475] He's folksy.

[1476] He's like my uncle.

[1477] He's a good man. So what?

[1478] He spent $40 million for some woman he tortured.

[1479] The tide goes in.

[1480] The tide goes out.

[1481] I'm with God.

[1482] I'm with God.

[1483] Yeah, when he was doing that, that fucking tide goes in, the tide goes out.

[1484] You can't explain it one i was like wow you went to harvard you fucking piece of shit yeah well you can explain that a lot of those guys are they wear religion like a fuck it's fashionable to wear it they wear it they know sure they know better trump does that trump does that he gets out and he goes i'm a christian i may not be the best christian but i'm a christian i have leadership qualities good enough it's good enough you know and you're like not the best christian you're a thrice married guy who i'm owns gambling and a miss universe pageant you're a biblical thing that's like a biblical figure that would be like a roman king that everybody was warned about like in terms of like i mean i want him to shave his head what do you think that will do i just freedom i think it would be funny if you shaved it like somebody had a cancer issue and he just shaved it with them to be a good guy well it doesn't look good that's what's confusing to me like when i realize it has a style When my hair wasn't looking good It was impossible to look good It was falling out to the point We're like, this is just a mess Right Then I went and buzzed it But he I always remember you like that My generation always remembers you Like the just bald, virile type Yeah It's nice I've been like this for a long time Yeah I'm solid eight plus years Yeah Bald How do you It's good You want Trump to just go I think you'd be better off It'd be easier Like he's not good looking Like he must know that He would That would complete his transformation Into a super villain I guess like a Lex Luthor type guy Oh yeah Yeah But I just Like I just It's gotta be so much work To put that hair together I think someone does it from But even then you got to talk to them While they're putting it together I bet you he doesn't talk to them What do you think he does Just tweets angry I bet you he's not concerned With the human relations With his staff I just get that vibe I get that vibe I get that vibe the person Who's in charge of the hair Just does the hair.

[1485] I hope he retires, when he's done, I hope he goes right into podcasting.

[1486] Would you have them on right now?

[1487] Yes.

[1488] Yeah, of course.

[1489] You have to.

[1490] You have to.

[1491] Yeah.

[1492] Why not?

[1493] Why wouldn't he come on?

[1494] This is three hours.

[1495] He's busy and I had some jokes about him.

[1496] He's petty.

[1497] He hates comedy.

[1498] Sure.

[1499] He does not like to be made fun of.

[1500] He doesn't like to be made fun of.

[1501] I'm sure.

[1502] Michelle Wolf got him on Twitter a few times.

[1503] Yeah.

[1504] He did the correspondence to her.

[1505] And he went after her.

[1506] But she kept right back at him, and she wrote, I bet you'd be on my side if I killed a journalist.

[1507] Yeah, I saw that.

[1508] Yeah.

[1509] Michelle's a kill shot.

[1510] Yeah.

[1511] It's a kill shot.

[1512] You're not going to win.

[1513] Yeah, she snuffed him out with that one.

[1514] She's great, man. She'll just forget it.

[1515] He just dropped off the face of the earth without.

[1516] He was done.

[1517] She neutered him.

[1518] One tweet, neutered.

[1519] Yeah.

[1520] There's some people that go after him, though, and it doesn't work, and he doesn't respond, that it looks so weird.

[1521] It's weird when I see my aunt tweeting at him.

[1522] I'm like, what do you think this is going to do?

[1523] My aunt with 43 followers.

[1524] What did she say?

[1525] You were disgusting representation of this country.

[1526] She'll tweet this.

[1527] And then I have another aunt who's the other side that'll be like, I believe in you.

[1528] Keep going.

[1529] Yeah.

[1530] And I just imagine him scrolling through these messages and reading this.

[1531] Do you think he looks at, I think he only looks at verified accounts.

[1532] I think he's got, like, if you think about how many people he follows on Twitter, I think if he's wise, he doesn't see the mentions.

[1533] I'll tell you right now, his biggest fans are not verified.

[1534] His biggest fans do not have a blue check.

[1535] They're under 100 followers.

[1536] They have dog, like his biggest fans, not just the people that voted from, the people that are still like in love with them.

[1537] A lot of them have dog profile pictures, like a dog that recently died.

[1538] There's a lot of dead dogs floating around Facebook.

[1539] Flags and the banner?

[1540] The banners in American flag.

[1541] None of them have ever served in the military.

[1542] Right.

[1543] But they all have the flag.

[1544] They all have the flag No one's ever served And 43 to 48 followers MAGA In the profile Hashtag MAGA You know a lot of them aren't real Do you know that?

[1545] What are they?

[1546] They're Russian bots Really?

[1547] Yeah yeah yeah it's real Yeah There's a guy in Russia who's got that job Trying to impersonate my aunt On Long Island There's a lot of people that have them They have various accounts They use There's a woman named Renee DeResta She's coming on the podcast soon She did a study of this for uh i forget what she did it for but she was on sam harris's podcast where she went in debt with it i'll send it to you after we're done please it's fucking amazing but they did all kinds of crazy shit like they would have like a pro -muslim group and they would put on a demonstration right across the street from a pro texas group and they would organize both of them they would really yeah yeah they organized so discord they would organize uh african americans against hill clinton anyone but hill we got to vote for jill stein we got to vote for anyway and they would, like, she doesn't represent us.

[1548] And this is all Russians.

[1549] Yeah.

[1550] And then they would have other people that were, like, pro -Bernie.

[1551] Yeah.

[1552] And then Hillary fucked over Bernie.

[1553] And these were Russians as well.

[1554] It's nice that our CIA will just foment coups and overthrow their leaders.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] You know, it's nice that we'll just kill their people.

[1557] We don't fuck with their social media.

[1558] I think we fuck with their social media, too.

[1559] I'm sure we do.

[1560] I'm sure there's, like, farms.

[1561] I wrote awful lot of that Russian stuff is like people's wishful thinking.

[1562] But the more and more I read about it, the more there is, like, a coordinated attempt seemingly to infiltrate these social media and so discord, yeah.

[1563] Yeah, there's 100 % a real thing going on because this woman documented it and it was also really funny like she was talking about how many of the memes that they created that were really funny Oh, they're hilarious probably And they came out of Russia So there's a bunch of guys in a room in Moscow creating memes Yeah And it's so funny This is like they went through KGB training or whatever it is now FSB and this is where they ended up I think they just hire young people This is the frontier of the war Against the United States The thing is though If they can do that and get people really upset.

[1564] If they really can do it, that's a really effective strategy.

[1565] It's a great strategy.

[1566] You can make things happen now.

[1567] Because it's just showing internal discord and we're going to collapse our own system.

[1568] Like I wonder how many of these Jesse Smolet, uh, is that I say his name?

[1569] Jesse Smolet is Russian.

[1570] The whole thing is Russian.

[1571] He's not even real.

[1572] The whole thing is Russian.

[1573] Jesse Smolet doesn't exist.

[1574] I wonder how many of the memes were created by Russians to try to get people upset.

[1575] I bet there's a bunch.

[1576] I bet there's more people stirring things up than just Americans that are upset.

[1577] No, I'm sure it's people.

[1578] People that are, but then there's also just a lot of Americans that hate each other.

[1579] Does that?

[1580] Yeah.

[1581] There's that.

[1582] Then you also, what do you think happens with Jesse Smolet?

[1583] His empire, because ABC got rid of Roseanne for a tweet.

[1584] You got to get rid of this guy.

[1585] I thought he was getting canceled.

[1586] He was getting written out, rather?

[1587] That's what I read today, but yeah, I don't know.

[1588] I thought he was getting written out before.

[1589] This is one of the reasons why he did it.

[1590] Well, I support him if that's a case, because he's a very hard business.

[1591] This is a very tough business.

[1592] It is hard.

[1593] It's hard to make it I love that they had to plan that out And he said to the two guys He goes, listen Get a noose Go get rope and do a noose A lot of these hate crimes First of all hate crimes happen And they're horrible Yeah But some of these things are fake Do you know he showed up At the hotel With the noose still Around his neck Holding a subway sandwich Just that alone The people The people at the hotel Should have been like What?

[1594] What happened?

[1595] That's amazing Okay What happened?

[1596] Why are you wearing a noose?

[1597] You still have the sandwich?

[1598] And why are you eating it's Subway?

[1599] You're not sick to your stomach.

[1600] You're on Empire.

[1601] What the hell's wrong with you?

[1602] I don't run with Subway.

[1603] The Subway's not good.

[1604] It's not bad if you're hungry.

[1605] Listen, I've clearly eaten it.

[1606] Yeah.

[1607] But it ain't great.

[1608] But if it's like 2 o 'clock in the morning, it's the only thing open.

[1609] Why is you telling me when?

[1610] That's a great point.

[1611] Because it's a good move to be open when nothing else is open.

[1612] It's a good point.

[1613] You get a nice Italian sub with double meat.

[1614] I like the oil and vinegar, salt pepper.

[1615] Meatball with the mozzarella or whatever.

[1616] and then you don't toast it, you let the hot meatballs melt the cheese.

[1617] Oh, I agree with that.

[1618] Yeah, that's a good move.

[1619] A meatballs sob is always a good move.

[1620] It's always a good move.

[1621] Especially after faking a hate crime.

[1622] After you have faked a hate crime, a meat bowl.

[1623] How nervous are you after you do that?

[1624] I'm such a pussy.

[1625] I could never do what he did.

[1626] Some level of social.

[1627] But then I saw that actor I'd dinner with the other night, and I went, oh, he could do that.

[1628] Yeah.

[1629] Oh, these people can do it.

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] Because they're on another level.

[1632] Well, the other thing is, People say, who would want to be a victim?

[1633] Who'd want a fake being a victim?

[1634] I heard that during the Kavanaugh hearing.

[1635] I was like, that is a ridiculous thing to say.

[1636] Because there's a lot of currency in being a victim.

[1637] In our business, it's a lot of things.

[1638] In public today, in the world.

[1639] Like, people praise victims for coming out and they support them.

[1640] You get a tremendous amount of love, especially if you're a legit victim of something.

[1641] Of course.

[1642] You know, I mean, there's a lot to that.

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] The idea that no one would do that is so, it's so.

[1645] against it's so contrary to human nature no everyone would do it I want to do what would you do what kind of hate crime would you fake it's a great idea I don't know if I got punched and people saw my face they'd go good he deserved it you know what I mean like nobody would look at my face and go yeah okay good I wrote I tweeted something today I was like hey I'm at flappers on a what was it a the 26 of flappers I was there was two guys was Hollywood with MAGA hats they beat me up they poured something on me. I don't know what it was.

[1646] I think it was come.

[1647] Please come to Flappers.

[1648] But I mean, that's the thing.

[1649] Listen, I watched a good morning America interview this morning and I laughed.

[1650] I sent this to my buddy.

[1651] I go, there's a moment in it when they go, how did you know it was the attackers?

[1652] And he goes like this, he goes, and you can see the insanity.

[1653] You can see in his eyes.

[1654] He goes like this, he goes, I was there.

[1655] And he's just doing that shitty actory, like just fucking shitty acting class shit.

[1656] That horse shit.

[1657] I was there, and I'm like, this is fucking crazy.

[1658] He was going to inform on two guys.

[1659] If there were two white guys with MAGA hats who got caught, they'd be in jail right now because the detective said to him, we have two suspects on camera, do you think it's them?

[1660] He's like, yeah.

[1661] Then he found out it's his two buddies, and he's like, well, I can't testify against them.

[1662] He was going to testify against two people who they thought were guilty.

[1663] So he said that he thought it was them?

[1664] Yeah, there's a good morning, Merrick interview of him going, Yeah, it's those two.

[1665] That takes it to another level.

[1666] Yeah, and then Fox is like, well, we stand, hey, he's good on the show.

[1667] We stand behind him.

[1668] That takes it to a completely different level.

[1669] Dude, there would be people in jail right now.

[1670] He wouldn't care.

[1671] Could you imagine?

[1672] It's crazy.

[1673] Could you imagine not just faking a hate crime, but then putting people in jail?

[1674] Imagine being those two guys who are just sitting in jail like, what the fuck?

[1675] You're on the cover in the New York Post, Nabdom.

[1676] Got them.

[1677] Got them.

[1678] And they're sitting there like, what the fuck?

[1679] And everybody wants to kick their ass.

[1680] An Empire next season is all about Jesse Smollett.

[1681] They fire everyone else on the show, and it's just a Jesse Smollett story, and two innocent people, rotten.

[1682] The gay Tupac, wandered to the streets of empire.

[1683] That's why people in Ohio, whenever Hollywood's like, here's how to vote, they go, you know what, no. Exactly.

[1684] They go, you know what, no, thank you.

[1685] I see what you're doing, you fucks.

[1686] Faking hate crimes.

[1687] What kind of hate crime would you fake if you were going to do it?

[1688] You really wanted to get ahead.

[1689] It's a great question.

[1690] What if someone gave you a license to fake a hate crime?

[1691] Like, what if there was a television show about faking a hate crime?

[1692] You know how they do, like, punked?

[1693] You know, they're like fake things like that.

[1694] How about you fake a hate crime?

[1695] I'd love to do something like that.

[1696] True TV presents fake a hate crime.

[1697] Yeah, it's interesting.

[1698] I don't, I'm trying to think.

[1699] Press conference, a whole deal.

[1700] Maybe a halal guy would attack me in New York City, like a halal guy would attack me because he views me as a symbol of imperialism and oppression.

[1701] That would be good.

[1702] You know, even though I patronize his stand all the time, he still feels the need.

[1703] to attack.

[1704] I mean, I don't know.

[1705] I could never do that.

[1706] No. I'm one of those people who would get and I would get caught.

[1707] I would never think I'd get away with it.

[1708] Wanting everyone to think you're a victim when nothing really happened is an insanely selfish thing.

[1709] Yeah.

[1710] That's an insane, like faking physical crime.

[1711] Like he had to have someone punch him already hit himself.

[1712] Yeah, these, he's a mark in his face.

[1713] These MAGA hat wearing gangs that everyone's talking about in Chicago and LA and New York do not exist.

[1714] If you have a maga hat on at 2 a .m. in New York, you're getting bleach poured on you.

[1715] yeah probably that's the reality well also like just he was saying that he like punched him back and like he fought back and i love how he was like first of all he was on camera for everything except one minute so they ask him good morning america they go how long was this he's like it felt like several minutes but it could have been 30 seconds like he's covering this span of time in his in his lie he's going i got to say it's less than a minute because i'm only off camera for a minute whenever you hear about a guy like kills his wife and blames a black guy yeah you know there's been a bunch of those right he's been a ton of him and then you see the o j simpson for example did he blame someone who'd he no somebody probably blamed him you think no i'm kidding remember there was a recent one people were saying that his son did it yeah yeah my mother always believed that but again that's a weird conspiracy theory though right that's what i don't really get into yeah i don't want yeah that's those are the ones that are out there i don't really get into that i don't go near the moon i don't when you're, I'm not an O .J. Truther.

[1716] Are you a Gulf of Tonkin guy or Operation Northwoods?

[1717] Those are all true.

[1718] There's nothing, there's nothing, those are real true.

[1719] Operation Northwoods is my favorite.

[1720] It's crazy.

[1721] Yeah.

[1722] They talked about bombing a ship.

[1723] Yeah.

[1724] With people on it.

[1725] They were going to blow up a drone jetliner and blame it on the Cubans.

[1726] Yeah.

[1727] They were going to attack Guantanamo Bay, arm Cuban friendlies and have them attack Guantanamo Bay.

[1728] It's crazy.

[1729] Yeah.

[1730] Yeah, that was not, that long ago.

[1731] I know.

[1732] That's why we need you back.

[1733] You know what?

[1734] The conspiracies are too fucking, it's too exhausting.

[1735] I got exhausting because I would do a show and then somebody would come up to me after this show and they'd be like, they'd show me a pizza menu.

[1736] I swear to God, and they go, you see that?

[1737] And I go, no, what is it?

[1738] They go, that's the Nambla symbol.

[1739] And I'm like, it says, I'm like, it says garlic nods.

[1740] And they're like, you go.

[1741] No, they're like, you got to really look at it.

[1742] And I'm like, all right, I can't go the rest of my life with that.

[1743] Well, they look for it in everything.

[1744] Everything's a conspiracy.

[1745] And then when it comes back to you and they say, oh, Tim is involved in this.

[1746] Right.

[1747] And then you go, oh, I see how this works.

[1748] People just make shit up.

[1749] Yeah.

[1750] And then they believe it.

[1751] The CIA is now getting involved in podcasting.

[1752] Yes.

[1753] With you guys.

[1754] You're their first show, but they're going to get a few others on.

[1755] They're deeply involved in stand -up.

[1756] They started in that work.

[1757] Sort of like the Russian trolls.

[1758] That's what they're doing.

[1759] I love the idea of the CIA going and watching sets and be like, who's getting passed at the store.

[1760] Oh, oh, you don't know.

[1761] I have a friend of mine who thinks that the CIA started Jim Morrison and Jimmy Hendricks.

[1762] There's a book about that called Weird Scenes Inside the Canyon, written by a guy named Dave McGowan.

[1763] Yes.

[1764] And I'm going to tell you right now, Joe, it's kind of interesting.

[1765] I'm going to tell you, it's kind of interesting.

[1766] There was a lot of cold shit going on in Laurel Canyon.

[1767] I'm sure.

[1768] Probably about pussy.

[1769] There was a lot of weird shit going on.

[1770] The CIA, the Rand Corp, was all over there.

[1771] There was a lot of shit happening.

[1772] Well, I'm sure there was a lot of shit happening, but there is not.

[1773] a fucking intelligence agency in the world that can create a Jimmy Hendricks.

[1774] No, of course.

[1775] And they're not sitting there.

[1776] That book was like that they were managing the birds.

[1777] Yeah.

[1778] The CIA was like, they were like, no, it's Mr. Tamboree.

[1779] It was like a CIA guy going to be like, it's tambourine men.

[1780] Play a song for me. Imagine being in that time in the country when everything was just falling apart, left and right around us, Vietnam War, Kent State, just fucking Nixon.

[1781] the president.

[1782] It's just chaos left and right.

[1783] There's no internet.

[1784] Everyone's doing drugs.

[1785] It must have been wild.

[1786] It must have been amazing.

[1787] I mean, I always think about that Hunter S. Thompson quote about, you know, like we talked about the 60s and that in the 70s, it was almost like the wave crested and then just pulled back.

[1788] It's crashed out from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] Yeah.

[1791] Yeah.

[1792] But I'm a big, like, I'm a Kennedy guy.

[1793] I think there's something really shady with that.

[1794] Yeah, for sure.

[1795] For sure.

[1796] And in that book, there's some amazing stuff about Now, this book that you gave me is Family of Secrets.

[1797] It's a guy Russ Baker, who's a legit journalist, and it's been praised by like Dan Rather and Bill Moyers.

[1798] You're trying to drag me in, bro.

[1799] I'm trying to get you in.

[1800] Let me tell you right now, this will get you in.

[1801] I doubt it.

[1802] I don't have that kind of time for us.

[1803] George H .W. Bush called the FBI and said that he thought he knew who the killer of JFK was.

[1804] Did you know that?

[1805] No. He called them?

[1806] He called the FBI in Houston.

[1807] Hey, what's up?

[1808] It's George.

[1809] George Bush.

[1810] I'm in Tyler, Texas, and I think I know who the killer is, and he informs on this guy, James Parrott, and James Parrott ended up being like one of his staffers.

[1811] It was this weird cover story.

[1812] He kind of planted.

[1813] And that came out in a memo.

[1814] And there was another memo.

[1815] These are declassified FBI memos, Freedom of Information Act.

[1816] There was another memo that said, after the assassination, J. Edgar Hoover briefed George Bush of the CIA.

[1817] The problem was George Bush should not have been working for the CIA at that point.

[1818] He should have been just a private citizen.

[1819] So it suggested he was working for the agency for a very long time.

[1820] And he was made the director of the agency for one year.

[1821] after the family jewels came out, which was this whole thing where the CIA went to Congress and they admitted that they had done all these things from, you know, coups and fomenting revolutions and countries.

[1822] And they made him the director for one year after that happened to break, to make a clean break from all of the nefarious activities that the agency had been involved with.

[1823] But if you take that memo to mean that he had had an existing relationship with them, he was actually just becoming the, because no, it made no sense anyone.

[1824] They were like, why is this guy that everyone called a lightweight becoming the head of the CIA after the CIA just admitted to all these horrible things?

[1825] They called them a lightweight?

[1826] Yeah, they called, yeah.

[1827] He was like, I think Kissinger said to Nixon, a kisser had said to Nixon, like, he's a lightweight.

[1828] He made him ambassador to China.

[1829] He was never a guy that had a serious political capital and he's made the head of the CIA.

[1830] And then after that memo was on earth, people were saying, oh, he had, this was an extension of the cover up.

[1831] He was being made the director at this a very interesting time in history because he actually had worked with the agency forever and he was not at all a lightweight.

[1832] He was a serious operator and he was going in there to kind of clean up and transition them into a new era.

[1833] I'm telling you.

[1834] I'm already out.

[1835] I'm ready done.

[1836] How are you out?

[1837] I can't listen to that.

[1838] It's good.

[1839] It's great though.

[1840] I need current shit.

[1841] I need some like Julian Assange.

[1842] I need something right.

[1843] I need some Edward Snowden.

[1844] I know the bushes are done.

[1845] I can't do the bush anymore.

[1846] I'll get it This is not enough.

[1847] I'll get an Assange book.

[1848] I can't get in there.

[1849] I'll, I'll dabble in the Clintons.

[1850] If you read a, if you, if you, I'll dabble in the Clintons.

[1851] If you read a chapter of this.

[1852] If you read a chapter of this.

[1853] You give me a cookie?

[1854] I don't have a cookie.

[1855] And if I do, I'm taking it.

[1856] But you will be, you'll be, it's very interesting and it's a well -written book because it's not reckless and sloppy.

[1857] I'll read the first chapter, I promise.

[1858] Thank you.

[1859] I will.

[1860] You know, listen, a buddy of mine gave me David Lifton's best.

[1861] evidence on the Kennedy assassination.

[1862] Okay.

[1863] And that got me into conspiracy theories.

[1864] This is like 92 -ish.

[1865] And I get it.

[1866] You're at the end of the road now where you're like, this is, because a lot of people are full of shit in that world.

[1867] A lot.

[1868] A lot of them.

[1869] And that's what people don't realize.

[1870] Well, then it gets deeper and deeper and deeper and more and more preposterous.

[1871] Have you ever Googled hashtag space is fake?

[1872] No, but that sounds, it sounds amazing.

[1873] There is a thriving.

[1874] space is fake community.

[1875] Have you ever been in space?

[1876] No, good point.

[1877] Could be fake.

[1878] Come back.

[1879] Come back to us, Joe.

[1880] Prove it, bro.

[1881] No, what is space?

[1882] Come back to us.

[1883] Well, it's an extension of flat earth.

[1884] It's like for people to think that flat earth is not stupid enough.

[1885] Too conservative.

[1886] They go deeper.

[1887] It's like it's not stupid enough.

[1888] Yeah, they think for those flat earth cucks, they want to move into space.

[1889] They want to go to space is fake.

[1890] Yeah, you want to know what's really up.

[1891] Space is fake.

[1892] Space is fake.

[1893] Crazy.

[1894] Well, I mean, I think there are hundreds of thousands of people that think that the earth is flat.

[1895] Hundreds of thousands.

[1896] Educated Western American human beings that think the earth is flat.

[1897] That is wild.

[1898] It is fucking crazy.

[1899] It's interesting.

[1900] It's a lot of people that just get educated from YouTube.

[1901] The Guardian actually had an article about it.

[1902] I sent it to Eddie, and Eddie's laughed at me. See, I think Eddie's kind of rational in a lot of ways.

[1903] Because I've had conspiracy talks with him.

[1904] About what?

[1905] About, well, yeah, no, the one that.

[1906] we had was insane a little.

[1907] Oh, he's got how the government was attacking Malibu.

[1908] Well, he's the one that came up to me about.

[1909] Him and Trippley and Sam were talking about, they were using direct energy weapons, and I was like, I don't know if this is...

[1910] Attacking Malibu with what?

[1911] I was like, why would they attack Malibu?

[1912] Well, the fires?

[1913] But I'm like, they're rich.

[1914] Why would they attack Malibu?

[1915] It's the rich people.

[1916] The fire started near my fucking house.

[1917] They didn't even start in Malibu.

[1918] They flew through the air.

[1919] You know, I was one of the first evacuated.

[1920] Right.

[1921] These fucking theories are so stupid.

[1922] It's dry as shit.

[1923] Yeah.

[1924] A fire hits.

[1925] And the winds are.

[1926] going crazy oh did they make the wind they made the wind they've always made the wind the wind has always been the CIA they've always made the wind yeah it's fucking it's just and there's no rest there's no peace I know there's no living in the moment it's like a constant distraction certain point you go I just don't even want to know because there's horrible things going on there's horrible things going on okay what do you think is like the worst shit going on right now human trafficking is very bad horrible horrible horrible multi -billion dollar industry that's not subway sandwiched artist star paying for that right rich people some of them are involved in some very bad things yes and they're it's their tracks should be they're covering your own tracks yeah like that geoffrey epstein yeah all of that stuff dude that the clinton visited him he's got an island someone anyone with an island and hanging out with bill clinton yeah if you have an island and you're hanging out with bill clinton there's a problem where's the matas yeah yeah i mean i it's a crazy it's a crazy it's a All of that stuff is very disturbing.

[1927] And he got a sweetheart deal because he wouldn't inform on anyone that was on his plane.

[1928] And now the Justice Department's looking at that again, it'll probably be fine.

[1929] They'll probably just let him, you know.

[1930] Well, the guy like that, like, what, you know, how much does he know?

[1931] How does a guy like that stay alive?

[1932] Because it's good.

[1933] He's not going to say anything.

[1934] It's not going to talk.

[1935] I wouldn't trust him.

[1936] If I was on that plane.

[1937] I think that's the other thing about, see, the aversion of conspiracies is you go like, nobody would people would talk the reality is people wouldn't talk if you were from a prominent family if it had been like a religion to stay silent if you had CIA training if you would these people don't talk and we know that there have been plots that have gone unknown for a very long time including the coup in Iran so a guy like Jeffrey Epstein is so involved so deep he knows he'll get killed he won't say anything yeah he's not going to say anything plus he doesn't want to go to jail he doesn't want to go to jail and he doesn't want to say anything I admit all the things that he did.

[1938] Yeah.

[1939] It's a weird.

[1940] The child thing is the creepiest of all.

[1941] It's gross.

[1942] And unfortunately, it's a real thing.

[1943] So, you know, people, you could talk about, there's the conspiratorial angles, the bullshit, but then there's the real fact.

[1944] Well, there's Sandusky.

[1945] Sandusky.

[1946] A hundred percent.

[1947] That's the other problem.

[1948] The people that are in love with conspiracies never care about private prisons or the Catholic Church.

[1949] And I'm like, guys, this is not even debatable.

[1950] Right.

[1951] We're not even debating.

[1952] Right.

[1953] Private prisons are ruined.

[1954] Kids are being sold into slavery.

[1955] Right.

[1956] How about that judge in Pennsylvania that was taking underage kids and just giving them sentences, ridiculous sentences for shit.

[1957] That's crazy.

[1958] In exchange for money.

[1959] That's not right.

[1960] And now he's in jail.

[1961] Yeah, there's some darkness in the world.

[1962] It's undeniable.

[1963] And when something like Sandusky, when that Penn State thing comes out and you're like, wait a minute, how long was this going on for?

[1964] Again, how many people knew?

[1965] Everyone knew?

[1966] How does everyone know?

[1967] Yeah, it's crazy.

[1968] Paterno just, he died quick.

[1969] But this is what I'm, of course.

[1970] I mean, he must have been destroyed.

[1971] But this is what I mean about people where it's like YouTube's going to like censor conspiracy theory type stuff.

[1972] I'm like all of those things would have been called conspiracy theories at one point.

[1973] Catholic Church, Sandusky, Abu Ghraib.

[1974] They said it was a few bad apples.

[1975] It was a labyrinth of torture prisons.

[1976] It was a program designed by the Pentagon, CIA.

[1977] It's crazy.

[1978] What is the YouTube going to do?

[1979] They're going to censor.

[1980] Were they going to stop recommending, I think they're going to stop recommending conspiracy videos from what I've heard.

[1981] But I was reading that thing that you were telling me about Jamie, this whole like porn or child porn or pedophile network.

[1982] They're setting up a pedophile YouTube?

[1983] What's going on?

[1984] Communication network.

[1985] They were communicating with each other in YouTube comments.

[1986] They responded yesterday and they said that they disabled comments on tens of millions of videos and deleted.

[1987] a lot of accounts that were they were communicating in the comment section of like little kids cheerleading and whatnot now were they communicating to try to to share child porn or were they communicating to molest kids?

[1988] I don't know in the way pedophiles communicate in their network but quite frankly I'd like you to do a little bit more work pull up an article do some due diligence on the penophile I want you to go under the dark web burner computer for that Download tour, and let's get moving, because we've got to figure shit out.

[1989] Yeah, you've got to get a VPN.

[1990] Well, that's like the FBI will take over ChildPoint site on tour and then run it for a year.

[1991] Like on the dark way, what is that?

[1992] What's going on?

[1993] Imagine what they see, too.

[1994] You can't un -see that shit.

[1995] That's a problem.

[1996] It is a problem because it's not good.

[1997] You're causing.

[1998] That happened in that R. Kelly case, there's a video of him doing something with an underage girl.

[1999] And, like, I think some people at CNN, it's like, we've seen it.

[2000] And that's led to him going.

[2001] and it's like well what did you watch and is that legal probably is legal because you're watching another of the guys of journaling out of it's yeah rough yeah yeah that kind of shit is real and the fact that there's these networks of people oh yeah that are trying to you know cultivate these experiences it's crazy man but if you're a rich person you have that sick predilection you're gonna find a way to you know what they're doing like a a example.

[2002] Okay.

[2003] They posted remarks that praise the girls asked whether they were wearing underwear or simply carried a string of sexually suggestive emojis.

[2004] About two years ago, hundreds of companies pulled money from YouTube over concerns about ads showing up next to problematic content from terror or hate groups and videos that seem to endanger or exploit children.

[2005] I think, you know, we've talked about this before with YouTube with the issues that we've had with them.

[2006] They have way too much content and way too few people.

[2007] There's no way can watch all of it and when shit like this or people are doing things in the comments it's almost impossible to check yeah i mean it's just the youtube comments are one of the rare free range sort of like unchecked message boards in the world i'm sure i'll find out later fucking don't read it don't read it bro who's this fat fuck don't he's not even a black belt yeah why's he here who is that don't read it yeah yeah um i wonder if there's ever going to be a time where that is impossible where like these child pedophile rings that they can figure out a way to snuff all that out i'm harder now than ever before i imagine it's very tough and it's tough i think because so few people want to believe that it's a problem in the way that it is right because there's good people in the world that don't think these things are issues right so i think there's the political will isn't there because people don't aren't really they don't understand that it's you know and then the people that are doing these things are very wealthy powerful people and they have a lot of control and they can kind of cover their tracks if you're all wealthy not all wealthy and powerful if you're poor pedophile you're not going to a ring what are you doing you're snatching some kid oh i know it's bad but if you're rich pedophile it's a nicer experience it's like you go on vacation versus me going on vacation you go on vacation it's a nice experience i go on vacation you know it's fine sandals in the bahamas not even no sandals where you going a cabin or something in the forest you know what's crazy about all this when you're talking about like child molesters and stuff like that which crazy is the catholic church yeah is still around and still they're catching people left and right when it's known for it there's no more no nothing is more synonymous with child molesting than the catholic church that is the number one thing and you were raised catholic i was raised catholic i was never molested i was raised catholic You got lucky, huh?

[2008] I was lucky, but my was fake, I'm lapsed cat.

[2009] We're all fit.

[2010] This Catholic is fake.

[2011] It's stuffed shells.

[2012] It's a nice dinner.

[2013] It's five fishes once a year.

[2014] No one cares.

[2015] No one in the Catholic church cares.

[2016] If you turn around to the guy next, you can go, is this bullshit?

[2017] They'll go, shut up, maybe.

[2018] I used to have a bit about it.

[2019] Yeah.

[2020] I don't understand suicide bombers because I was raised Catholic.

[2021] Right.

[2022] And no one is in the Catholic church believes in it that much.

[2023] No, we like nice buildings.

[2024] Catholic suicide bombers would be like, you go first.

[2025] Yeah, you go for you.

[2026] I'll be over here.

[2027] We'll do it together.

[2028] Ready, set, go.

[2029] Why are you still here?

[2030] Yeah.

[2031] It's nice architecture.

[2032] It's beautiful architecture.

[2033] It's great.

[2034] It's nice.

[2035] Ceremonies are fun.

[2036] I don't know what's going on in them.

[2037] There's incense going around.

[2038] This is the mystery of faith.

[2039] Oh, good.

[2040] I was talking with Burr about this recently about church has some good qualities.

[2041] And one of the things it has is it makes you feel like, you know, it's like a community thing.

[2042] You sit down and you get a chance to assess yourself.

[2043] your life and sort of reaffirm your moral guidance and your moral compass and there's some there's some positive things to a good church and that's how those rock and roll culty super Hollywood churches get started because people say I want a church I just don't want a traditional church I want something spiritual and fun and fulfilling it's not like the church when I grew up I said to my dad why do we go here every Sunday and he went shut up that was the answer because it was like we just go you go this is what we do don't want your mom to get mad but people in Hollywood and that they, you know, want the hipark, they want to be drawn to it, they want it to speak to them.

[2044] Yeah, they play rock and roll music.

[2045] Yeah, it's cool.

[2046] Religion's cool.

[2047] My soul is, you know.

[2048] Yeah.

[2049] And it's, you know, it's just a lot of horseshit.

[2050] It is a lot of shit.

[2051] It makes them feel good.

[2052] Yeah, my buddy's an assistant, his assistant was going to one of those churches.

[2053] She was a nymphomaniac.

[2054] Yeah.

[2055] She was trying to stop fucking everybody.

[2056] So she started going to...

[2057] She started going to this church.

[2058] What church is that to stop fucking everyone church?

[2059] Well, it's like...

[2060] She'll just start fucking fucking.

[2061] them get spiritual she's like i'm going to be celibate i'm like yeah whatever yeah she was one of those gals she just have a couple of pops and then off to the races listen you live once yeah you live once she was obvious she was attractive she's having a good time yeah i don't see the problem what church did she go to it's one of them i don't know this is decades ago but it's one of them crazy rock and roll type churches oh that's so funny you know the catholic i i think it's interesting people that join the catholic religion now oh that's ridiculous who's joining it now yeah who's going in and going you know what i enjoy I don't know who did it.

[2062] You know, Glenn Beck joined the Mormons as a grown man. Well, that makes sense.

[2063] That makes sense.

[2064] Yeah.

[2065] He's a little off.

[2066] Maybe he wanted nine wives.

[2067] Yeah, it's probably why.

[2068] Of course, it's a huge benefit.

[2069] Do you know the whole Mitt Romney story?

[2070] No. You don't know?

[2071] I don't know.

[2072] I'm so happy to tell you.

[2073] My cousin married a Mormon who they excommunicated from the church when he was like 17.

[2074] Mitt Romney's family all moved to Mexico.

[2075] That's why Mitt Romney's dad could never be president, because Mitt Romney's dad was born in Mexico because when they passed the law making polygamy illegal in the United States, they all packed up their shit and went to Mexico.

[2076] Really?

[2077] Yes, because in the 1800s it didn't fucking matter if you were in Mexico or the United States.

[2078] It was all the same.

[2079] You're riding a horse everywhere.

[2080] Who cares?

[2081] Who gives a fuck?

[2082] They're like, I could have nine wives over here.

[2083] So they have these compounds.

[2084] Vice did a whole series.

[2085] Wow.

[2086] They have compounds down there with armed guards.

[2087] Yeah, because the cartel was fucking kidnapping them and shit.

[2088] Interesting.

[2089] So Mitt Romney's dad was like, you can't take nine fucking wives.

[2090] They still have a fucking, they still have a compound down there.

[2091] In the Smithsonian magazine.

[2092] What is that?

[2093] The Smithsonian .com.

[2094] Oh, has a story on it?

[2095] Yeah, the Romney's Mexican history.

[2096] Yeah, the whole family comes from Mexico.

[2097] That's amazing.

[2098] Amazing.

[2099] That's amazing.

[2100] It's amazing.

[2101] How diverse.

[2102] I know.

[2103] They went down there because they couldn't do what they wanted to do in the United States.

[2104] There's no polygamy in the U .S. anymore anywhere.

[2105] No, it's illegal.

[2106] Interesting.

[2107] Which is hilarious.

[2108] Yeah, let it happen.

[2109] Who cares?

[2110] Here's the thing.

[2111] You could have like nine girlfriends and all live together and no one could say shit.

[2112] But as soon as you write it down, they lock you up and put you in jail.

[2113] There was a show called like sister wives or something.

[2114] It was about people that I think they were living in the States and they had like multiple wives.

[2115] Was it?

[2116] Yeah.

[2117] It's probably bullshit.

[2118] Okay.

[2119] Yeah, I don't think polygamy.

[2120] Google it.

[2121] Maybe it's like legal in like Nebraska or some shit.

[2122] Sorry, Nebraska.

[2123] I like that Nebraska would be just a place to go, you know what?

[2124] Live and let live.

[2125] Yeah, live and let live.

[2126] Nebraska's like we're having a hard time keeping people here.

[2127] So you can just fuck anyone you want You marry your dog Marry everything Is polygamy nationwide federally illegal Yes it is illegal But I know what you're talking about Where there is TV shows Or people are still doing it so Also have you successfully infiltrated A pedophile YouTube group yet Lazy waiting for the tweet So lazy But it is crazy that his family is like Well fuck it will just move to Mexico Of course you made a great point It's the same thing You're on a horse Back then He has to Rio Grande Yeah because I think when they made It's made it illegal in the 1800s.

[2128] Look at it is.

[2129] As a polygamous community crumbles, sister wives are forced from homes.

[2130] This is the caliber of wife.

[2131] This is interesting.

[2132] That's all you get, bro.

[2133] If you want nine of them, you don't get nine good ones.

[2134] You either get one ten or nine ones.

[2135] This is a lot of, you know?

[2136] You don't think of nine shitty wives.

[2137] No. You don't think of nine horrible wives.

[2138] But the thing is, you could have those wives.

[2139] You just can't have them legally.

[2140] Like, they can't be legally your wife.

[2141] But you could do like a whole, like, roots and jump over the broom.

[2142] You know, you could find some sort of, yeah, you can make your own ceremony.

[2143] Of course.

[2144] You just can't register in the courthouse.

[2145] Yeah.

[2146] Which is hilarious to me. Yeah.

[2147] Like, who the fuck are you to tell someone that can't?

[2148] How about a woman that has five husbands?

[2149] Can we do that?

[2150] Yeah.

[2151] Yeah.

[2152] You go, girl.

[2153] Yeah.

[2154] Power for girls.

[2155] And I'm for it.

[2156] I'm for polygamy.

[2157] Me too.

[2158] I want to come out for it on this show.

[2159] Five cucks and one woman.

[2160] Yeah, who cares?

[2161] They all sit around stroking their half hard dicks, waiting their turn, crying.

[2162] Perfect.

[2163] That is a perfect representation of 2019 America.

[2164] Who would vote that out?

[2165] Who would say no to that?

[2166] Sick people.

[2167] Someone was a communist.

[2168] We need more people getting the YouTube pedophile cults out.

[2169] Yes.

[2170] And putting the polygamous in.

[2171] We need priorities.

[2172] I feel like if you want to marry a guy with 18 of your friends, who gives a shit?

[2173] Yeah.

[2174] I guess the problem is the divorce.

[2175] Yeah.

[2176] Isn't that the issue?

[2177] No money for you.

[2178] Sorry.

[2179] Right.

[2180] You're splitting it up 18 ways.

[2181] You're not going to get a lot.

[2182] Right.

[2183] Anyone with 18 of anything, unless you're like a sultan, you probably don't have a ton anyway.

[2184] Unless you're Jeff.

[2185] Bezos.

[2186] Jeff Bezos.

[2187] He could marry a hundred chicks and give them all a billion.

[2188] Kachow!

[2189] He's still that 50 left over.

[2190] What?

[2191] Yeah, he's doing good.

[2192] He's doing good.

[2193] But that whole thing with him, that was an interesting thing.

[2194] The pictures being leaked, and it turns out it's the brother that leaked the pictures.

[2195] I love the brother immediately as soon as I read the article, because I'm like, this is Trump supporter.

[2196] Not only is a Trump supporter.

[2197] This is a guy who tried to leverage himself forever.

[2198] And he found out his sister was fucking Jeff Bezos.

[2199] Can you imagine the night he found that out?

[2200] The night he found that out, where was he?

[2201] What was he doing?

[2202] He was somewhere thinking, this is it.

[2203] Yeah.

[2204] She's fucked a lot of people that are good.

[2205] Now she's fucking Bezos.

[2206] Now it's time to cash in.

[2207] Now it's time to think of something good.

[2208] How do we do it?

[2209] This is a plodding guy.

[2210] Yeah.

[2211] I wonder what the Inquirer gave him.

[2212] How much money do you get for something like that?

[2213] Half a mill?

[2214] Bezos dick.

[2215] More?

[2216] I want a solid mill.

[2217] Solid mill?

[2218] Risk in your life.

[2219] He's going to get that kind of.

[2220] kill you.

[2221] You think he will?

[2222] If he doesn't, I'll be disappointed.

[2223] It's a good point.

[2224] Make it look like an accident.

[2225] If you're fucking, you know, he's like Daddy Warbucks.

[2226] Yeah.

[2227] He's the guy.

[2228] He's got 150 billion dollars.

[2229] He's automated everything.

[2230] And Amazon's like notoriously ruthless.

[2231] He looks like he's an alien.

[2232] He looks like he's artificial intelligence.

[2233] He's AI.

[2234] He has that look already.

[2235] He's super smart and he's going to play it real slow.

[2236] Yeah, he'll enslave the world and you know what, let him.

[2237] He's probably going to hire somebody to fuck up that guy's life slowly.

[2238] I'm sure he already has.

[2239] Yeah, real slow.

[2240] Oh, yeah.

[2241] This is your new job.

[2242] Yeah.

[2243] Your new job is to slowly make that guy's life.

[2244] Audit.

[2245] Everything.

[2246] Flat tires every day.

[2247] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2248] I love the henchman that's going out nailing flat tires.

[2249] Yeah, set up, he's going to check for cameras.

[2250] That's amazing.

[2251] Yeah, the Bezos is, those are the new type, like, because I study a lot about, like, Rockefeller, Carnegie guys like that.

[2252] And those guys, nobody's amassed a fortunes those guys had.

[2253] Rockefeller had like $336 billion in today's dollars.

[2254] Good Lord.

[2255] Yeah, Carnegie had $372 billion.

[2256] I mean, these were the first.

[2257] How much do they have in their time?

[2258] Oh, good question.

[2259] Is it billions in their time?

[2260] I don't know.

[2261] But in, it was millions.

[2262] Well, I don't think it was billions.

[2263] But in our time, it's about, it's over 300 million, both of them.

[2264] These were the first generation of, B, B, B, B. This was the first generation of Robert Bout.

[2265] Like, the first generation of entrepreneurs, you know, the country was new.

[2266] all of these industries were just emerging and these guys took it over.

[2267] Bezos, tech is, and somebody said this on my podcast recently, tech is the closest thing we have now to that.

[2268] Where you have these, you know, masters of the universe that are going to be, I mean, those guys were, JP Morgan was like bailing the government out.

[2269] These guys had an insane amount of power.

[2270] They were more powerful than political figures.

[2271] I was just, when I told you, I was doing this chariots of the gods lunch today with a bunch of very influential people.

[2272] And one of them said, it's really ironic that Apple used to be think different.

[2273] That was the whole thing about Silicon Valley.

[2274] Think different.

[2275] Now it's don't think different.

[2276] Right.

[2277] Now it's streamline everybody into one acceptable thing.

[2278] Yeah.

[2279] Now it is literally you have to think the way everyone else is thinking.

[2280] You have to believe what everyone else believes, even if it's ridiculous.

[2281] I think a lot of that is they want to just make money and sell things and they don't want any discord.

[2282] They just want to sell, make money.

[2283] Sort of.

[2284] But it seems like...

[2285] Well, none of this is, I don't think, because they don't ban people after they do the things.

[2286] They ban them after there's a public outcry.

[2287] So to me, they're not, they don't have any real values.

[2288] Their values are tangible.

[2289] And the values are influenced by public opinion and where media is.

[2290] The values aren't like, when somebody says something, let's ban them right now.

[2291] This goes against our thing.

[2292] A lot of it is if you wait until there's enough dust kicked up, then they will ban somebody.

[2293] Right.

[2294] That's true.

[2295] So to me, I get in arguments with friends when they're like, they're ideological.

[2296] I'm like, they have an ideological bent, certainly, but they're profit -seeking enterprises that just want everyone to be happy.

[2297] I think if it was up to Twitter, every tweet would be some type of branded ad.

[2298] And on top of that, now the ideology is skewing and leaning in that direction in terms of like tech.

[2299] So there's money in that.

[2300] There's money and holding that line.

[2301] And those guys are the ones that are as powerful as Rockefeller and Carnegie and JP, like all of those guys, they are the next, you know, generation of people who, well, their amount of power is unmatched, anywhere in society.

[2302] They're, they're branching out more and more.

[2303] Like, Amazon is now going to have an electric car.

[2304] They're investing in that new, what's it called, Riven, Riving, some new electric car company that's, that Bezos is investing in, they're investing in space travel, they're investing in all these different, I mean, he's not going to get poorer, and get more and more rich.

[2305] No, he's going to take over everything.

[2306] I mean, you can't opt out.

[2307] You can't opt out of these systems.

[2308] You have to be involved to live a normal life.

[2309] You have to be online.

[2310] Did you see that article that someone wrote about that?

[2311] No. Someone tried to use, to go online and live their life without Google, Amazon, or a few other things, an Apple, and they said they couldn't do it.

[2312] Now, Ari Shafir is the only one who can do it with a flip phone.

[2313] He's barely doing it.

[2314] He's on his iPad using his fucking eye messages.

[2315] He i -messages me all.

[2316] the time, all the time, pretend he's fucking, no smartphone.

[2317] I'm impressed that he still has a flip phone.

[2318] Well, he knows that he's an addict.

[2319] Yeah.

[2320] You know, he knows.

[2321] And he's, he's an honest man. Right.

[2322] You know, and he's like, fuck this.

[2323] This is just too much of my life.

[2324] He's right.

[2325] He'd be checking social media constantly.

[2326] And also if you're, you know, you're controversial like he is.

[2327] A lot of people are talking shit to him and that would hurt his feelings and saying mean things to him.

[2328] And social media has gotten to the point where I'm on it all day and I'm like, I'm not having any fun.

[2329] No. It's really gotten to the point where what is this experience?

[2330] Facebook is a nightmare.

[2331] It's elderly people screaming at each other.

[2332] This was a website where kids were trying to get laid in college.

[2333] This is elderly people screaming and complaining they can't afford knee operations.

[2334] And I'm just going like this all day.

[2335] Yeah.

[2336] It's not, you don't get a lot of bang for your buck.

[2337] I've dropped off radically over the last six months.

[2338] The last six months I've made a giant shift away from reading things and posting things and just I'll look at it like for a couple seconds and then I'll put it down When I post Yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm more engaged I'm too fucking busy You know and so when I'm trying to figure out ways To better optimize my time That was one of the first one Stop reading comments, stop reading posts Don't just mindlessly shift Through Instagram pictures Looking for something that strikes me as interesting I just stopped doing that And it made a big difference in my productivity Huge difference Yeah Because, you know, when iPhone real recently, they started putting that thing on your phone, where you see how much screen time you had?

[2339] Oh, yeah, that's crazy.

[2340] You look at it, you're like, what, five hours?

[2341] Nine hours, 46 minutes.

[2342] That's five hours of nothing.

[2343] Yeah, what did I do?

[2344] I get a little out of it, right?

[2345] Like, I'll find news stories that I can talk about, but it's like finding, I found that, like, finding the perfect blend seems to be letting the stories get so big that they get to you anyway.

[2346] Right.

[2347] No, not the fringe stories, like the Jesse Smolet.

[2348] It gets so big You can't ignore about it Yeah And then you hear it And I love the day That the day when We all found out It was Social Media was great The day that we all found out He was full of shit Yeah Because then everyone could make jokes Right But the three days before that Everyone is posturing Oh so much But then when it came out That it was all bullshit Everyone was like Oh let's just have fun Yeah And even though it's You know I'm not saying that People aren't Getting attacked And things aren't bad But this particular thing Right If you can't make a joke about this, what can you make a joke about?

[2349] If you can't make a joke about it.

[2350] If you think someone shouldn't joke about this, fuck you.

[2351] Fuck you.

[2352] Absolutely.

[2353] Absolutely.

[2354] Yeah, this is one of those things that's so pretty, it's fucking ridiculous.

[2355] It's insane.

[2356] Holding the subway with the fucking noose.

[2357] He just pledged not guilty in court.

[2358] No, he did.

[2359] Yes, he did.

[2360] Jamie, he pled not guilty on everything, right?

[2361] He denied all charges.

[2362] He denied all right now.

[2363] Denied all charges.

[2364] He's going to take his own life.

[2365] I believe they have the check he wrote to them He wrote a check 35 hunch Oh he wrote a check He didn't even give him cash He wrote a check Now here's the other thing I could get punched in five minutes for free I could get beat up so easily Why is this guy spending $3 ,500?

[2366] Well not only that Why do you write a check Do you have no friends He just He didn't think this through even a little bit Yeah God damn it It's disappointing It's kind of funny though It's there's nothing funnier right now Well, I think this is what we need.

[2367] You know, we need to understand the outrage machine a little bit better.

[2368] Yeah.

[2369] And one of the best ways to see it is see manufactured outrage.

[2370] Absolutely.

[2371] And then you go, oh, okay, this is a hustle a little bit.

[2372] Well, the Coventon thing was great because people like wishing death on 15 -year -old kids.

[2373] And it's like, the video comes out, exonerates them.

[2374] And then people are like, no. Yeah, people are doubling down.

[2375] Yeah, people are like, you can't deny what my eyes saw.

[2376] I'm like, are you nuts?

[2377] And then I was afraid because I'm like tweeting things in support of the kids, but I'm like, what if the next video is just the kids in time?

[2378] clan outfits like this and just dancing around with with torches like charlott's film and i'm like well then now i look like an idiot yeah you can't you can't go on a limb you're better off being an observer yeah just let other people get into the fray you just you make a little joke yeah sit back yeah it's like a gang fight you better off standing standing back and going hmm i don't want to jump in there because every every day every hour another vantage point of that thing was like well no maybe they are guilty yeah you know i saw that thing it was like a white kid i thought they encircled the Native American guy who's banging a drum and I'm like fuck these kids that's not good well you see the first image and you know the first image which is even crazier was put up by a troll account right Russians I don't know who the fuck it was I don't think they know are all the problems Russian bombs I think they came out of Brazil digging into that because I saw something about yesterday but a few shady social media post fed a viral firestorm over Covington Catholic and why it will happen again yeah these they're doing this on purpose They took that screenshot to try to get people angry, and it worked.

[2379] And then Twitter found out that it was a bullshit account.

[2380] They banned the account.

[2381] So it's very possible that account was some troll farm or something.

[2382] Oh, no, it's a troll farm.

[2383] Wow.

[2384] So the things that we're being manipulated now on a level that is like unbelievable.

[2385] Unbelievable.

[2386] Unbelievable.

[2387] And people are furious.

[2388] Dude, I hate to cut this short, but I've got to get the fuck out of here.

[2389] Let's do it.

[2390] Tell everybody how to get a hold of you.

[2391] Tim J. D .I .L .O .N. Timothy Timdillin comedy .com.

[2392] We're doing a gig, right?

[2393] We're doing a gig tomorrow.

[2394] That's right.

[2395] The improv.

[2396] The improv.

[2397] If nobody attacks me on the way, we'll see.

[2398] He's going to show up with a news and a subway sandwich.

[2399] I hope I did.

[2400] In blackface.

[2401] Thank you, Joe.

[2402] I'm glad we did this, brother.

[2403] Thank you, man. Thank you.

[2404] Tim Dylan, ladies and gentlemen.

[2405] Thank you.

[2406] It was a lot of fun, man. That was fun.