#563 - David Choe

[0] Yeah So I like to open up my show Dude You're fucking These Instagram things That you're doing These Hong Dynasty things What are you doing?

[1] That shit is hilarious You and Bobby Lee And these 15 second clips I'm hooked I don't know what you're doing But I'm laughing my dick off I don't I mean First of all People always like to Like It's publicly known That I'm wealthy Because of the New York Times and all the shit that came out.

[2] The Facebook stuff.

[3] Yeah, so people always like, whenever I do anything to preface it with, well, if I was rich or if I had your fuck you money or if, you know, and I go, the shit, most of everything I do cost little or nothing.

[4] Like the Hong Dynasty is, okay, so Instagram comes out and what Vine is like seven seconds, I don't have Vine, but Vine is seven seconds.

[5] Instagram's 15 seconds.

[6] We're old guys.

[7] When I go hang out with my nephews and stuff and they're like teenagers, like they won't even watch a one -minute YouTube clip.

[8] It's true, right?

[9] If it doesn't get their attention, they're like, or they'll just, they'll watch it with the bar, just fast forward, fast forward, you know?

[10] So I said, let's just fuck around.

[11] We filmed this thing on our iPhone, and it's just, you know, Bobby Lee's actually an actor.

[12] Or, you know what?

[13] Before we get started, let me just say, I was on Joe's show last time, and it ended with me saying, it was a dumb idea, but I was like, I'm extremely unhealthy, I'm out of shape I have like mercury poisoning high blood pressure high cholesterol all that shit I just got diabetes And I said I'm gonna You have diabetes?

[14] Whatever I mean Everyone's Everyone's gonna have it Soon but I said I'm gonna What did I say I was gonna spend a year to get trained And I want to have like a UFC Fight or some shit like that And you're explaining to me How dumb it was Yes Bobby Lee's brother Steve Lee Who's 40 years old Who's one of those guys He's like a thousand times funnier than Bobby without trying Like Bobby's like a professional comedian Steve just just he's just a funny crazy guy he's one of the he's got a sort of an albondi thing where he's 40 and he talks about how he could have been state champ if he just did this one arm bar or something right and he works at or he used to work at this place fat sales in Hollywood part time as a sandwich guy and I hired him to be on my show full time and and he started slacking it was what I thought would happen and I said all right you and me are going to go into this room and we're going to wrestle and you're basically wrestling for your job you're doing wrestling and I'm doing judo and I outweigh him by 60 pounds he's like a little like tiny Asian guy and I'm like yeah I used to do judo and my friend was like dude don't underestimate him because you know he was almost state champ I'm like that was like over 20 years ago he's like but yeah those little wrestling guys you know you can't fuck with them and then his brother was the referee so Bobby says Dave my brother you know he's like very relaxed and lazy about things until you challenge his pussy or money so steve you know steve's on the hong dynasty he's like a fucking you know he's a crazy guy he's always a good nature he's always funny when i told him like if you don't win this i'm you're going back to fat sales and the job he has for me right now is like they're like what do you need to hire steve lee for what does he do i'm like i literally send him all over the world to fuck as many whores as possible.

[15] That's his job?

[16] That's his job right now.

[17] Having sex with prostitutes?

[18] Yeah, I send him, I send him, like him, basically him and this guy, Bill Poon, he's 53 years old, I sent them to Macau.

[19] They're the Macau brothers now.

[20] And Bill, Bill on his normal job, when he's not on my show, is he drives hookers around.

[21] He's the number one whore transporter in Los Angeles.

[22] I think he put 29 ,000 miles on his Prius.

[23] and I said do the math and he has delivered 6 ,000 hookers to their Johns and I go that makes you the number one horror transporter Maybe there's a guy out there That's just fucking doing meth And staying up all night He's trying to break that record Well he has he has his arch enemy And everything It's like a whole He has another guy Yeah there's another guy But he's like he's like What's that movie?

[24] The Transporter?

[25] Oh did Jason Statham guy?

[26] Like he never tries to fuck the hookers He's super yeah He's serious about it.

[27] He's got, like, baby wipes and condoms.

[28] He's, like, he takes the job seriously.

[29] He's not does any creepy shit.

[30] So him, him and Steve, I go, hey, you guys, you know, everyone hears stories about, like, the underground sex world in Macau and this.

[31] Why don't you go and investigate?

[32] And by investigate, I mean, fuck all of them.

[33] And so I send them to Macau.

[34] We record the whole thing.

[35] That's, that's going to be called the Macau brothers.

[36] And we're going to put that up on DVDASA.

[37] whatever but uh so go back to this wrestling match okay so so you guys is it a submission thing are you yeah whoever well that's why i'm not a wrestler i'm like judo guy so so bobby's like bobby used to wrestle too so he's like i'll be the referee and yeah whoever whoever gets the first person down submit whatever they win you know but what is whatever like is it to tap out because if you get a jiu jitsu guy down it doesn't mean jack shit that's when the game starts but a judo guy is all about what do you call ipon when you slam a guy yeah it was just uh i guess whoever gets someone in a hold that they can't get out of or something okay because undefined undefined victories yeah because there just no punching or kicking okay it wasn't just grappling yeah and so yeah him working for me is not like sweeping the floor or whatever him working for me is getting to fuck really hot chicks it's a great gig essentially his face changes Because I'm like, hey, I'm like, I'm probably still giving him his job, even if, you know.

[38] And I go, I'm just, all I'm going to do is let him fuck, he's like, he's like, you know, half of my size.

[39] Like Bobby's size.

[40] Yeah, but like way skinnier.

[41] And I go, I'll just let him fuck around and then I'll just flatten him.

[42] And I'll just, it'll be, it'll look funny, you know?

[43] Right.

[44] In less than a minute he took me out.

[45] He, I go, if you don't win right now, you fuck her, you're losing your job.

[46] His fit, he goes red zone, his face.

[47] And I go, oh, fuck, dude.

[48] This guy's serious.

[49] And then he comes at me and he's small.

[50] but then he just like grabs my arm or something gets me down and I'm like oh whatever and then I can't get out of it and then he just puts all of his might into this hole and I'm just sitting there and I can't get out of it and I'm like you know also Kira she's just like I've never seen you look more like a pussy in your life and I'm like and I was sitting there thinking fuck dude I remember I told Joe that I was going to do this shit like people have that glamorous idea that they're going to go and have an MMA fight and I would never discourage anybody from being an MMA fighter like I think you live and you die if you want to be a bull rider if you want to ride motocross if you want to drive Formula One race cars all those things are dangerous all those things are awesome you know live your life man I fought I did it it's not I mean I fought I fought in Taekwondo and I kickbox it's fucking stupid it's dang I did it for free there was no money involved in it I could I had no insurance I had no health insurance so I would never tell someone don't do anything dangerous but you can't I don't think you should dabble in that that's something like there's dudes that are doing it that I know that are like trying to make it in the UFC or have made it into the UFC that that's their fucking whole life man they get up in the morning they're doing their strength and conditioning they're running they're drinking wheatgrass juice and they're fucking taking all their amino acids and you're right Joe I'm I'm not going to dabble I'm going to they made UFC their life I'm going to make I'm going to make a serious commitment to my diabetes I'm going to make that my life i'm gonna eat donuts i'm gonna fucking do you really have diabetes i i just i was pre -diabetic for like the last four years and i like just cross over the line yeah i just crossed over and he's like dude with with lots of a complete nutritional diet change and lots of exercises like you can go back to not having diabetes but uh whatever you would rather not you'd rather just take insulin and just eat donuts i know it's horrible that's so bad everyone's well they say uh 50 % of everyone that's being born in america today will have diabetes why don't you do this since we're the show.

[51] Okay.

[52] You and I are talking to my friends.

[53] Why don't you hire someone.

[54] See, you got boatloads of cash.

[55] Hire someone to concoct a diet for you, to feed you.

[56] Right.

[57] Hire someone that's a nutritionist that is going to concoct like really healthy meals all day long, really low sugar, and you'll cure that shit within a few months.

[58] I mean, you just met them right now, first of all.

[59] Critter?

[60] Yeah.

[61] Critter's going to do it?

[62] Well, this is what happens.

[63] when I made my money I naturally I just don't trust people so I made the Naturally before or after Just always I just don't trust people So I just made the rookie mistake You've heard the expression before Don't hire your friends and family Yes And I hired only my friends and family And I was like You know Hey I don't know how to work a camera I don't care You're my cousin you have to You know I just wanted everyone around me To be someone I trusted Right And it just You don't get the level of work that you know like i work every night till seven eight in the morning still i don't have to but i do you know and you know without even because there's always in the back of their mind they're like dave's not going to fire me right like he's my cousin or he's my best friend like right and then i was just sitting there going how come i do have all this money and i hired all these guys and i'm overpaying the shit out of them and like i'm still at the office by myself you know so i fired everyone i only hired people that are not my friends and white and I said no more Asians I'm only hiring white people oh man that's crazy racist yeah very racist but Asians are very hard workers as long as they're not your family um I don't know I just I just wanted to it's first of all yeah it's very racist and I was like I just but it's okay because you I want to try something different I already rode the yellow train I'm we get on the white train and uh so I hired I hired people that aren't I'm not friends I'm friendly with but they're not my homies and then and then they were hired for specifically what their job was like if you're a trainer then that's what i you know i'm not like hey i know you're not a trainer but just do it right and uh i found out with this next phase of the experiment that i immediately like befriended all of them like now they're all my best friends again and and even if i like critter you know i said listen i have diabetes i you know and he's also my bodyguard which everyone thinks is a joke which is which is which it is most of the time but you know weird shit happens once in a while i said look i i i love eating i'm friends with lots of chefs you know i go to a lot of restaurants you know i love i have a piece of me that's like you remember just having no money and going to a restaurant a nice restaurant for the first time and just like having that snooty you know looking at sushi menu and going like what's what's mp right like i didn't know because i've never been there and they're like that's market price sir and i'm like well how the fuck am i supposed right okay so this uh toro what is that they're like it's the fattest part of the tuna and it's $60 a piece you mean for the two pieces no no no for one piece and i'm like a hundred and twenty dollars for two tiny fucking pieces of fish but you know i didn't have any money i'm like that i'm not gonna get they're like yeah if you have to ask then you can't afford it and so now i have the money and i go in there yeah motherfucker give me a hundred toro what i'm like give me the whole fucking fish And then it's like, oh, tuna has the most amount of mercury.

[64] And, you know, the doctor checks my blood.

[65] And he's like, you have so much mercury in your fucking blood, you know?

[66] Is that really, that really happened to you?

[67] Yeah.

[68] Have you eaten that much sushi that you were getting mercury poisoning?

[69] Well, I thought, I thought it was healthy.

[70] You know, the oceans are polluted, the shit.

[71] So polluted.

[72] They're full of, like, radioactive waste and all this shit.

[73] And I'm like, yeah, I'm not eating hamburgers anymore.

[74] And every meal costs $500.

[75] I'm rich, motherfucker.

[76] fucker and it's like moderation for everything right can't eat fish every day you know i was it god damn it i forget the poisoning that i was getting from uh sardines yeah sardines have tons of arsenic yeah i was getting arsenic yeah i was a small amount it's a heavy metal you know yeah they're eating at the bottom of the ocean they're just fucking garbage down and once that shit gets in your blood it takes forever to get out you know it didn't take long i yeah i got rid of the arsenic uh in a short amount of time just i just stopped eating sardines oh i was eating them every day wow yeah white trash i like sardines yeah love sardines well i get i don't know about the arsenic but the they said i just because my hair started falling out and i couldn't you know i'm like i'm still relatively young but i just mercury was making your hair fall well it said for mercury poisoning it's like memory loss and like it's like i i'm like i have the same memory as my like 70 year old father who's like well you know i'm like people will do that hey Dave you just told that story and I'm like really and I'm like fuck and it's like I know that like it's like when you know something but you're feeling really dumb and I'm like why what's this block and they're like dude your blood is like just full of it so wow so I told critter I said listen I need the kind of trainer that physically abuses me like you can put a finger in my ass if you have to he has huge hands I said here's the key that's necessary I said here's the key to my house need a salad every single i know but i go i don't have that kind of discipline because i don't drink i don't do drugs and so food is my vice especially since i don't gamble anymore and it's like i love to eat and i love to eat late at night i like to have dinner number two dinner number three so i said here's the key to my house i'm every single day i'm going to come up with some excuse to not work out oh i got to fuck this girl or i have a really important meeting with joel rogan or you know it's like i don't care you have permission to come into my house physically drag me out of my bed punch me in my chest and get me to work out because i'm not going to want to want to he's a big dude you's a big yeah well he's also this is the best part everyone's like you have a bodyguard you have that what a joke you have a bodyguard and i go yeah in the last year my my two major injuries are from him like he almost broke my neck and he broke my ribs broken right now he broke my rib like two weeks ago uh when he just i don't know what that syndrome is like the when a parent loves their baby so much that they shake it and the baby dies like because he has the weekends off so when I see him he sees me and he picks me up and he always like hugged me broke your ribs by shaking you well he hugged me and he was shaking me and while he was shaking me someone my friend david chang tripped him oh no but then he fell on top of me oh Jesus Christ and he's a big guy so I'm like yeah my my bodyguard that I paid to protect me hurts me broke your ribs and almost broke your neck how did he almost break your neck just when he shakes me like it's so violent that i'm like i'm like i feel like those stevensigal movie's like dude one jerk and like my neck's gonna snap and he did it and uh and i couldn't turn my head this way for like two weeks and i was like like can can you like protect me and not hurt me any you know i don't know whatever um what you need is someone who's a dietitian someone is going to be you can hire like a professional chef kevin james used to have this guy who worked for him was fantastic.

[77] He had this guy working for him all day.

[78] Right.

[79] The guy would cook all these meals and he would leave pre -prepared, like really healthy meals in his refrigerator.

[80] Then he hired some woman to do it after that.

[81] All right.

[82] So I did that for a little bit.

[83] Like I got this, uh, see, this is what I'm talking about.

[84] I don't remember the name of the service, but they deliver the meal every day.

[85] Okay, this is a bunch of those.

[86] Yeah.

[87] Susan's healthy gourmet is one that I use for a while.

[88] It's like, yeah, and I'm like, cool.

[89] I'm being, first of all, it's miserable.

[90] The meal started to stack up in the, in the refrigerator.

[91] It's like, Oh, like inside, I'd be like, oh, cool, I did it.

[92] I'm on this program.

[93] Right, but then I weren't really eating it.

[94] But then I'd look at it or I'd eat it and go, oh, cool, I ate good today.

[95] And then, like, at 3 in the morning, still go out and get the burrito.

[96] And so the thing I'm doing now, which I already can see, it's horrible.

[97] And everyone says it doesn't work, but now I'm sort of like stuck in this weird thing is it's like the whole.

[98] I want, I, I'm like, no one's like, diets aren't going to work, right?

[99] Right.

[100] This has to be a lifestyle change.

[101] Like, you can't, like, go for three months eating salads and then be like, hey, I got my weight down, I got my cholesterol down, I got my diabetes down, and then going back to it.

[102] It's like, you have to have, but I'm like, but I love food.

[103] Like, I love eating.

[104] And so the thing I'm doing now, which I put, didn't have put too much research into is chewing and spitting.

[105] There's, I know guys who did that with meat.

[106] There's some MMA fighters, like Diego Sanchez was doing that for a while.

[107] He wouldn't eat meat.

[108] He would just chew it up.

[109] It's horrible for you.

[110] Is it really?

[111] It's horrible for you.

[112] Because first of all, so you get like...

[113] So, stomach acids is that what it is?

[114] I'll order like three entrees.

[115] I'll get spaghetti, fried chicken, steak, I'll get pie.

[116] I'll order everything.

[117] It's just like Roman times gluttony to the max, right?

[118] And I'll have like...

[119] The worst is if it's at a nice restaurant because then they don't have the...

[120] They have like cloth napkins.

[121] And I'm like, can you bring something?

[122] some more of those paper napkins and i'm sitting there and i'm like ar and i'm just chewing everything getting all the flavor out of it and then i'm spitting it which the mouth as soon as it starts chewing and making saliva the stomach starts making acid to prepare for the food to come down right but if the food never comes down there's just like acid in your stomach you know and and also when you eat all the sugar already goes into your like before it hits your stomach you know yeah So I'm eating all this food at like nice restaurants and chewing it in and spitting it in the napkins and then and then putting it like on the plate and then like the dudes comes soon is there, is there something wrong with the meal?

[123] I'm like, no, no, it's delicious.

[124] It's fucking amazing.

[125] And then, you know.

[126] You're looking for shortcuts, bro.

[127] I'm looking for shortcuts.

[128] You can't do that.

[129] Why not just hire a real trainer, not not Critter, but hire someone who's like a real legit strength conditioning trainer who's going to put you through some stuff.

[130] If you really want to do something, it's fun.

[131] Critter, you're fired.

[132] You should take a martial art. Yeah, I guess.

[133] I mean, you did judo.

[134] Why don't you get into jujitsu?

[135] I think I need a hot chick.

[136] How would that work?

[137] For the trainer, because now I'll be motivated.

[138] You're just going to want to fuck her.

[139] Well, that's good.

[140] And then if you can't fuck her, you want to bring other girls hotter around to show her that you can fuck them.

[141] I'm like, listen, bitch, I can't fuck them.

[142] Why can't I fuck you?

[143] And then it'll become some weird ego thing.

[144] Joe, having an eating disorder is the number one thing that, like, bond with hot chicks because they all have one.

[145] It's like, I'm like, should I go anorexic or chewing and spinning or.

[146] or bulimia and they're like well i tried but i'm like cool i'm bonding it's like all of a sudden like this super boring dumb girl is like all like oh yes but a lot of like crossfit chicks they don't have eating disorders if you get like a strength and conditioning type gal you're right joe i do have but loads of money i got to figure out a not a shortcut i just need to figure out to make not cure cancer not cure aids some kind of delicious food that you can eat every day you can't do that it's it's this is the thing the more you suffer the more you'll enjoy pleasure you are a glutton for pleasure my friend right but you love but here check this out techno so my my japanese business partner um i work with this company good smile it's not legal in america yet but he has he smokes he drinks he eats all this shit i don't even know what this process is called you might have heard of it but he once a month this is like real rich guy shit he gets all like a lot of his blood taken out and then they do shit to it like they make it into super blood and then he puts it back into him and then all everything goes down his his you know and I go what is that and they're like it's not it's not FDA whatever tested it's not in America yet and so well I do this thing called regenerine and I had it done today actually my shoulder's been bothering me they take they take your blood out right and they spin it in a centerfuge and apply heat to it and so your blood thinks like it has a fever and it creates this anti -inflammatory response and it creates this like yellow serum and then they extract the yellow serum out of your blood and then they inject it directly in the areas where you have inflammation.

[147] It's really good for injuries but it's also like when you do it like I did it today your energy you just feel great.

[148] You feel great right now.

[149] Yeah Dana White told me about it because he has an inner ear infection and an issue rather called Meneer's disease and he got beat up one time when he was young by a bunch of guys and he gets his tinnitus like ringing in his ear and it fucks with his balance and shit.

[150] And it's all inflammation.

[151] Well, they figured out a way to inject this, this serum made out of your blood.

[152] And it totally cured it for him.

[153] Like, he went through surgeries.

[154] He was on medication.

[155] He did a bunch of shit that really fucked with him.

[156] But this stuff, instead of fucking with him, it uses your own blood, and it made him feel fantastic.

[157] And he used to have to go to Germany for it.

[158] And I was going to fly to Germany to go do this.

[159] But then they started opening these places around.

[160] Now they have one lifespan medicine in Santa Monica.

[161] I did it this morning.

[162] Well, this is what I'm talking about, Joe.

[163] It's like, I get the whole, like you need to suffer to like you know but but that's for injuries i know but it's like do you have any injuries you could use as an excuse to get this i'm just saying like the the way technology is going now like you're covered in tattoos but like you know in five years they're going to have some ray that just gets rid of all your tattoos they already do they have lasers right but it's not good right now oh it's painful but it'll get it'll and they'll make it so it's not you know they're going to have everything so right you know so i'm like do i need to like really switch my eating habits or are they going to make like a you know some oculus rift fake hamburger where I'm like oh yeah it's delicious and you know I don't know this is my take on it I think gluttony and eating like lots of delicious food is fun right but feeling like shit is not fun and what I like to do is have cheat days what I like to do is I eat real like this is what I've eaten today so far I had a blended juice drink which was like celery ginger carrot uh uh cucumber.

[164] I'm trying to remember cayenne pepper oregano oil lemon, all this stuff.

[165] Fantastic for you, right?

[166] That's what I had for breakfast.

[167] The only thing I ate this morning is two -day unshaved pussy lips and slight hint of urinary track infection.

[168] That's the only thing I ate today.

[169] And I feel great.

[170] I don't know if you're going to feel great in a couple of hours once the fucking infection kicks in.

[171] But I got iron stomach.

[172] I got iron.

[173] But I will go to fucking eat an out burger man i'll fuck up i had popeye's chicken last night dude and so because you ate that that's why you got to eat this weird ginger drink well because i eat primarily healthy primarily healthy right but then occasionally i go off the rails right but most of the time my body's getting healthy food right that's the key because you feel better man and you feel better i feel great you'll feel better you'll have more energy i drink these blended kale shakes in the morning i make it myself i throw kale tastes like shit taste like shit why don't you use spinach You can do that too But I like kale Okay It's a super food Spinish is a super food too They're all good But I blend it up Kiel's hip right now It's fucking strong It's got a lot of nutrients in it It's really good for you What's better kale or spinach Probably Probably kale Because it's a little darker A little greener That's the key Like dark green leafy vegetables They have phytonutrients And all sorts of vitamins And stuff And you get something out of them First of all When I eat I'm like I'll have a bowl Like this high Like I'm pointing to about 10 inches, like a big fucking salad bowl that you would give to like a family.

[174] Like, oh, here's our salad and everybody would take a portion.

[175] I blend that whole motherfucker up and I drink that shit myself.

[176] Wow.

[177] With four cloves of garlic, I throw a whole apple in there, ginger.

[178] I throw a chunk of ginger.

[179] Right.

[180] Like a thumb size chunk of ginger.

[181] It's just everybody else who tastes it goes, what the fuck are you drinking?

[182] But dude, I throw that shit down and it's like rocket fuel.

[183] You feel great.

[184] I feel fucking fantastic.

[185] It's better than coffee.

[186] I have like a chorizo bacon burger.

[187] I have that too, though.

[188] And then I take the top bun off and I go, yes, I'm doing good today.

[189] Yeah, you got rid of that gluten.

[190] And then I feel supercharged to take a nap.

[191] I'm like, yes.

[192] You know, I think you're enjoying your success.

[193] You're enjoying your wealth and you're enjoying pleasure.

[194] And that's a part of who you are.

[195] And that's also, I think one of the things about artists is artists are very indulgent.

[196] I'm feeling that about my comedian friends and, you know.

[197] And by the way, yeah, you're very indulgent And very self -destructive You're a natural comedian You are a natural stand -up comedian You did a thing at, was it at UCLA?

[198] Yeah You did a thing at UCLA that you put on that video That was up, that a bunch of people Dude, that was like a guy who'd been doing stand -up for years And you had only done it like how many times When you did that?

[199] That was the first time I did.

[200] First time.

[201] That shit's ridiculous, dude Can I plug that?

[202] Fuck yeah!

[203] All right, so I put it on my Twitter, it's on my Twitter If you can find it.

[204] Yeah, my, my, um, my problem with the internet is i i always think it's like the wild west when it's actually not so almost everything i put up on youtube or or a vimeo gets flagged i just put up a new episode of my my show dvd asa and it got flagged so it's flagged for what just there's nakedness yeah nakedness or whatever i mean i think in the so you took uh you changed your dvd asa page yeah it's like it's like wikipedia now dude it's like anybody can go on there and change it now they could say dave's a fag this whatever and it'll you know i i can't believe i just said that good luck they're gonna do that now you did you made a wikipedia out of it we used you do that we used their technology and we just was like if some it's like it's it's your website now why would you do that who because who cares um you're gonna care once your website is all black dicks i know that's what's gonna happen so whatever current threat level i love the current threat level vitamin piss yellow it's the current threat level so everything on that website right now it's the fans did it oh that's great yeah like it's just it's i'm like fuck it i'm not even gonna maintain my own website like you you you had a thing where you got off line yeah you you took down your your podcast and you put up this fucking this claim and I had a I had to text you about it immediately once I read it because I was alone it was like two o 'clock in the morning I'm in my house and I'm howling laughing because you're talking about racism but you said something that's totally true right you're like everyone's afraid of the yellow man like black men get to fuck but how come Jackie Chan never got to finger bang or fuck in in rush hour one, two, or three.

[205] And I'm like, it's true.

[206] Jackie can't, Chan.

[207] Like, he's safe.

[208] It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's amazing.

[209] It's, it's, I'm, I'm in bed fucking this white girl.

[210] And I had my phone, like, next to her head like this.

[211] And it's, a text comes in, and it's Joe just saying like, ha ha ha ha.

[212] And he's like, he's like, writing my, uh, press release back to me. And it, it's, look, um, wait, first of all.

[213] That one quote, yeah.

[214] Um, so fucking funny.

[215] Yeah, I, I, look, I'm just, I didn't know these kind of facts, but like, do you know, how many Asians are in America?

[216] Like, I'm talking about jungle Asians, like Japanese, Korean, Filipino, like all of the Asians combined.

[217] Do you know how much, how many of them there are in America?

[218] No, what's the number?

[219] Take a guess.

[220] 20 million?

[221] Or percentage -wise.

[222] Oh, percentage?

[223] Yeah.

[224] 20 million would be, what?

[225] Less than 10 %?

[226] Yeah, like 7, 8%.

[227] Yeah, it's 4%.

[228] 4%.

[229] It's 4%.

[230] So it's like, I just like, you know, I like doing, I just like doing shit, you know, and then people always, they need to be like oh check out this Asian comedian or check out this Asian artist right now I'm like why can't I just be an artist yeah why can I just be an artist why do I always have to be like you know like I got mugged by a black guy right exactly never I got mugged by a dude this dude fucking mugged me man if you say you got mugged by a dude right like you know if I got fucking mugged by this dude yeah and and you know also Akira she's on my show the first time I met her was seven or eight years ago and so this is It's still in the year, you know, it was like 2005, 2006, and it was on the set of the first Asian -American porno in America, and I was like, I don't even know what that means.

[231] And I'm like, there's Asian chicks in porn, and it was like, no, the first porno in America where they're all Asian.

[232] And then I'm like, what, the male, I'm like, yeah, that exists.

[233] And they're like, no, it doesn't.

[234] They go, the only place in porn where you see an Asian guy is gay porn, and he's the bottom.

[235] So he's literally getting fucked in his ass and that's the only person you see him so what about Japanese porn?

[236] No, but that's in Japan right I'm saying in America and I'm like wow 2005 whatever and that still doesn't exist yet and so I go on the set and then the guy that's the performer is Filipino and I'm like that doesn't even count, you know, but doesn't count.

[237] They're not Asian.

[238] No, they count.

[239] I'm just joking, but so I go wow, that's weird and then and then I just you know the shit I talk about on my show the shit I just do and then I just it's like if you talked about it would be.

[240] fine if a black guy talks about, but it's just, it brings out like this, these people and they just, they're so offended by it.

[241] And I go, what, you know, and I, and I know in the script for Romeo and Miss Adai, Jet Lee kisses Alia at the end, but they changed it to, they just danced together.

[242] Oh, God.

[243] And, you know, Jackie Chan is the star of Rush Hour, a fucking billion dollar franchise.

[244] Why doesn't he get to fuck or finger bang?

[245] Why not?

[246] Like, okay, fine.

[247] He didn't get to do it in one.

[248] Maybe in two, he gets the fuck.

[249] All right, well, you know, it's like, why can't, you know, why can't they be sexual, you know?

[250] Right.

[251] And I don't know the answer to that.

[252] Well, it's, the male, the male Asian with the white woman is such a rare combination in movies and in television.

[253] Right.

[254] It's so fucking rare that when they're doing it, it almost feels like they're doing it on purpose.

[255] Right.

[256] And it's like, but, you know, because there was once that of, with the black guys, you're like, black guys, you know, if I see you with white women, we're going to kill you.

[257] Yeah.

[258] But now it's like, jungle fever.

[259] Fix that shit.

[260] Yeah.

[261] So it's like, made it a disease.

[262] I don't know.

[263] My best guest on it is when, and you know, this is just my guess is when, when I hear people go, oh man, those fucking Asians are like, they're taking over all the best spots at all the best universities and they're owning all the real estate and China's taking over the world.

[264] It's like, they're taking everything.

[265] They can't take our white pussy on top of that, you know?

[266] So I don't know.

[267] I don't know what it is, but I just know.

[268] Like, when I do shit, like, I get a lot more slack for it than, but whatever, I don't, I don't give a shit.

[269] It is, well, the point that you were making, I mean, I know you were just being funny, but the point you were making is true.

[270] I mean, you don't see Asian guys get laid in movies.

[271] And if they do, it's with an Asian girl.

[272] I mean, I'm sure there's examples.

[273] There's one.

[274] It's, uh, it's Stephen Yoon from Walking Dead.

[275] Got to fuck Maggie.

[276] That was it.

[277] That's true.

[278] That's the only one.

[279] That's a perfect example.

[280] Mag's pretty goddamn hot, too.

[281] That's a good one.

[282] That's a good one.

[283] I high -fived him for that.

[284] That's a victory for the Asians.

[285] And he stayed alive for many seasons.

[286] Yeah.

[287] So he's doing it.

[288] Yeah.

[289] Wait, can I just plug the thing really quick?

[290] Fuck yeah, yeah, yeah.

[291] What is the thing?

[292] The video.

[293] Well, it's vidmee.

[294] Because, like, I've been looking forever because everyone's like, why don't you just have your own platform or whatever.

[295] And I'm like, I don't want to spend time doing that.

[296] So it's - Hire somebody.

[297] Well, I mean, it just, like, when you do it yourself, it always cry.

[298] I don't know.

[299] I don't want to, for me to have less employees, it's not even the money thing.

[300] Right.

[301] Like, I don't want to become a manager.

[302] you know right so this these guys that started this thing vid me which is like my answer to youtube or whatever and i could put anything up there so i put my comedy special so if you go to vid me and then put in DVD or subscribe to DVD i say you have my comedy special which is the first time i did comedy at UCLA which is intercut with like machine guns and girls buttholes and like a lot of stuff me slapping cigarettes out of smoking vaginas and there's a lot of stuff stuff stuff that you can't put anywhere stuff you know like Can I give you a great example like well first of all talk about Instagram I went on yours and like someone found their high school drawing art like oh yeah yeah I mean you you have the frenetic energy of like you got like that Bernie Wrightson and like you have like you got all the you were like good I was pretty good yeah you were pretty good and you like went crazy with the detail whenever I see a young guy with like lots of detail I'm like that motherfucker has a lot of energy that's usually from like right especially the subject matter like the...

[303] Rage.

[304] Drawing every fucking hair on the werewolf's face and one of the teeth with the glistening with the fucking blood and whatever.

[305] Well, I was obsessed with comic book art. Yeah.

[306] I mean, it's great.

[307] I mean, I think from what I saw...

[308] Yeah.

[309] From what I saw...

[310] And how old were you when you did that?

[311] Somewhere in high school, probably 15 or 16.

[312] That's what I'm saying.

[313] Like, you stopped at some point, right?

[314] I had an asshole fucking art teacher, man. He wasn't...

[315] Look, I don't...

[316] I feel bad for the dude because he was clearly a dork.

[317] right you know and but he that's great he had this way of talking about shit where he just killed all your dreams i taught like i would draw all like conan the barbarian and ninjas and that's and werewolves and i would draw shit that i would like teenage boy shit yeah teenage boy shit yeah i would do i did a whole series i love that that's a little red riding i did a whole series of uh like little kid stories it went wrong right three little pigs as a werewolf who fucking just attacks the pigs Right.

[318] I had Humpty Dumpty.

[319] I'll pull that one up eventually.

[320] Humpty Dumpty with an axe.

[321] You're an artist.

[322] You're an artist.

[323] Yeah, well, I certainly was.

[324] That's what I was going to do for a living until I started fighting.

[325] And then when I started fighting, I became completely obsessed with that because it was so primal and so much different than anything else I'd ever done.

[326] See, this is, see, we have the same story up until then, or even up until then because in high school, I drew like that too, like crazy detail or whatever.

[327] And then I started fighting too, and I loved it.

[328] And then I started fighting all the time, except I never.

[329] won.

[330] Like 90 % of the fights I get my ass.

[331] I still loved it.

[332] I'd be like, yeah, let's fuck these dudes up.

[333] And I'd be Oh, you mean like fighting like on the street?

[334] Yeah, well, you know, I had a lot of anger.

[335] So I didn't do that.

[336] Oh, you mean fighting?

[337] Yeah.

[338] I only had like one fight in high school and it wasn't really much of a fight.

[339] Well, one other time where a dude, this is the best one was the most important one for me was this dude we weren't even like fighting.

[340] It's like he was this kid.

[341] Like they bust these black kids in from bad neighborhoods.

[342] Right.

[343] Newton South High, and there was this one kid, and me and him, we just look at each other, like, in the hallway, and, like, you know, he would stare at me, and I would stare at him.

[344] Nothing really happened, but then one day we were in the locker room together, and I was passing him, he looked at me, and I don't remember what was said, but I remember the dude grabbed me and hip -tossed me down the ground, threw me on my back and held me down.

[345] And he was thinking about punching me, he was like, hold him in my, like, nah, and just held me, and then let me up.

[346] I was totally humiliated, totally humiliated.

[347] You said the N -word with the ER?

[348] No, no, no, no. I didn't say anything.

[349] I mean, I think I said, like, what the fuck, you know, or something like when he was holding?

[350] But I realized, oh, my God, I don't know how to wrestle.

[351] I think I was probably 14.

[352] I was like, God damn it, I don't know.

[353] I need a lot of how to wrestle.

[354] But that's humiliating feeling you like, I don't want to ever feel that.

[355] It was terrible.

[356] I'd never, I had taken, like, a couple karate classes before then, but no grappling whatsoever.

[357] Right.

[358] So at the same time, I joined the wrestling team, and I started getting really serious about Taekwendo at the very same time.

[359] And it was because of that dude.

[360] Like, I owe him.

[361] He made me who I became, like, for real, because he humiliated the shit out of me. But looking at, like, that changed your course down to that path.

[362] But if that never happened and you stuck with the art, I mean, that looks, I mean, that looks pretty good, man. Well, I enjoyed art. I still do.

[363] I still draw my kids.

[364] Yeah, I could still draw like that.

[365] I mean, do you want to cross -hatching and all that stuff, yeah.

[366] I love cross -hatching.

[367] Yeah, I love, I like to do, like, pencil and then ballpoint pen over the pencil.

[368] That's like my favorite style of I have some other stuff that I'll put up that I did like that I want to check it out Because like technical pens I always found to be like a little too permanent like I like seeing like the I feel like with a ballpoint pen you could sort of almost barely touch the paper and the image just starts to slowly come out Do this with your kids ballpoint pen draw on bananas like that sensation of a ballpoint pen on a banana is like the best thing And then like the next day when the the banana peel dries up the drawing looks different my kids love art yeah it's a fun thing but my progression was the same thing everything in high school was this shit like cross hatching pen pencil uh prisma colors and then um you know i discovered spray paint which was like the fucking like the best thing ever it's like oh my god i discovered the matrix you know and then um acrylic and oil paint but what i discovered now after painting and drawing for years is that all those things I just said spray paint, oil, acrylic, is you just, even pencil, is like, you draw something, you create something, and if you don't like it, you just paint over it, you just erase it.

[369] And then the new thing that, like, I just, this is like alchemy or like painting with magic is the watercolor.

[370] It's like, it's like the medium in art that has like, I'd probably say like the least amount of respect because it's like, oh, watercolor, you think of like old ladies, you know on some way is that i don't know but like this whole book that i did is all watercolors it's like 300 pages of watercolors and i'm like you know i'm a pretty well respected artist now like i should be able to get this thing published i shouldn't have to like self publish it and i don't want to self publish it that's like in the same way like i don't want to put up my own uh what do you call like um um i don't want to start my own youtube or whatever like i just would rather to do the art and have like a respected publisher should put it out.

[371] So I turned the book in and start this bidding war with all the publishers, all the cool artsy publishers that want to put it out.

[372] And they're like, Dave, you've got to take these four pages out.

[373] You know, our legal team looked at it.

[374] And, you know, I guess there's obscenity laws.

[375] Like, you can't put an AR -15 in a girl's butthole or whatever.

[376] And I go, but I thought, you know.

[377] It's art. Well, it's art. And I thought, like, we lived in America.

[378] I thought you could do whatever, you know.

[379] Right.

[380] And I keep, I don't know, I guess I keep pushing things and finding out that you Can't do them.

[381] But you can.

[382] You can.

[383] You just can't do it in their forum.

[384] Right.

[385] That's all it is.

[386] And I go, what's the problem?

[387] They're like, we might get sued.

[388] I go, well.

[389] By who?

[390] I don't know.

[391] It's always like this preemptive, like this imaginary fear.

[392] And I go, we need people like you out there.

[393] I go, look.

[394] Like, and I was excited because I was like, oh, these are like the publishers that I like.

[395] I would love to work with you.

[396] And I go, so I, you know, I put the book out myself.

[397] And it's like, we sold it out like the special edition right away.

[398] way if you want to get it's at david show .com but it's we made so much money on it on the you know i don't want to say this like i'm bragging but it's like i didn't even want to make that money right like i would rather someone else make that money i just wanted to put it out but it's like they wouldn't do it so you had to do it yourself and that that's sort of i bring that up because i'd rather just it's so easy to just do a video on and throw it up on youtube that's so easy i don't want to fucking find you know it's like i just want to make shit and just put it out there but everything I do gets taken down so I just got to you know it's just you're you're an unusual guy in an unusual an unusual situation and you want to be free you want to be free to express yourself and you know someone could say like oh fuck him and he's this and he's that and he's arrogant and he's this but no you're you you're being free you're not worried you're not being a fake you are actually doing things that you're interested in and in a lot of ways this is a real problem that we have in society with needing someone to public publish your stuff because if you need someone to publish your stuff, then they're going to have to approve it.

[399] And then you're not going to get the original vision of the artist or the writer or whatever.

[400] You're going to get a bunch of other people's opinions of what you should broadcast, what you should publish.

[401] Well, look, can I ask you this?

[402] Because you are, like, since I first did your show, I think the first time I ever did your show, I'd never been on TV.

[403] And since I've been on, I mean, you have like a long career in TV, Fear Factor, the UFC stuff.

[404] And so I've been on TV twice now.

[405] I did Anthony Bording shows, Parts Unknown, and I did, I do the news for HBO, for Vice HBO.

[406] And both shows that I've been on won Emmys.

[407] And like, it's like, everything I do doesn't have to be guns in buttholes.

[408] Right.

[409] You know, I can work within.

[410] Yeah, well, you have a broad.

[411] They're like, hey, do comedy, but don't cuss.

[412] And then I could do it.

[413] Right.

[414] But so the two times I did TV, like, they're like, oh, Dave, those shows you want one, one Emmys.

[415] And so the floodgates sort of open And like now I have all these people interested in doing shows with me And but they're Do you ever have this experience?

[416] You know a lot of rich people and whatever like I sit in boardrooms with like CEOs and like people that run these companies And they're billionaires and they run the world They have way more money than me. They have way more power, fame, whatever And they're still not free men.

[417] They're like they answer to to AOL, Disney or I don't know like they go yeah like you gotta take these four pages they're afraid to take chances i go you're a fucking billionaire who gives this shit it's like oh wow you have all the money in the world yet you still have to answer to shareholders like your business partners your wife i don't know i made a conscious decision not to get married i don't have kids i don't work for anybody and so it's like man it would be so easy for me to just sign this deal and do this tv show but then they're like but then you're like You can't have Hong Dynasty on your Instagram.

[418] Fuck that.

[419] Fuck that.

[420] Don't never let anybody take you from doing what you're doing.

[421] Well, no one says, well, the nice thing is no one says you can't do it.

[422] They just go, if you want to be on our team, then you can't do this shit.

[423] Like, what is this Hong Dynasty shit?

[424] That's saying you can't do it.

[425] Look, I've had that when, I've done projects before where they've told me to take down my website.

[426] Take down your message board.

[427] I'm like, fuck you.

[428] Right.

[429] I'm not taking it out on shit.

[430] Because if you want me to do that, you want me to compromise myself.

[431] Right.

[432] It's going to start there and it's going to end up with me wearing a fucking suit, sitting behind a desk talking to some idiot about this sitcom that I give two fucks about right that's that's what happens and it's a weird thing because it's like I didn't give a shit then when I was poor I didn't give a shit when I was rich and then it's like what now I'm gonna have a boss right it's weird like you don't have to do that just do things that you're doing now but this is what I'm saying I know but this is what I'm saying Joe like I don't want like well let's let's let's put it this way okay what's the benefit of you doing something on television other than vice which is an awesome show and Anthony Bourdain show which is an awesome show doing things like that is great but what's the benefit of you doing a television do you need more money you don't no it's not to do more money it's just like to do projects it's just for me like i don't know i just filmed this pilot um where just yeah it's not for the money they don't even have to pay me anything but it's like it's like i get to fly somewhere and i get to like like doing a show like this we can say anything we want but or we could talk about like oh i want to make this movie and talk about the ideas but this is like making it happen you know it's like you're But you could do that.

[433] I know, but it's like the thing with the publishing.

[434] It's so much easier for, like, when I showed up on Bourdain set, like, it's all taken care.

[435] I was like, wow, this producer called everyone, this cameraman's like, award -winning cinematographer, he knows what he's doing.

[436] Like, I don't want to become the guy that's like, oh, I got to start my own network now.

[437] I got to hire my own guys and do all this shit.

[438] You can do that, though, man. Listen, you can have meetings, and one of the things you could do is get a manager, get a nice Jewish boy who understands show business.

[439] And tell that motherfucker, this is me. I'm David Cho.

[440] I like to put AR -15s, up curls, buttholes.

[441] I like to do watercolor paintings that are obscene.

[442] I like to do this thing called DVD -Asa that gets me fired from HBO.

[443] I'm a crazy man. Nobody fired me. Nobody fired you.

[444] You got an option.

[445] We'll talk.

[446] We'll talk.

[447] I got tons of money and I like to do fun shit and I don't want to have a boss.

[448] But I want to be able to do cool projects.

[449] I want to enjoy life.

[450] I want to have adventures.

[451] So what do we need to do to hire a bunch of like, real good union cameramen to set up a real good production studio where we can edit video hire legit people i don't want to deal with shit i just want to go do my stuff you handle all that and you could do all that and it could become profitable easily easily well i mean i'm not you imagine but but that's what i'm saying it's like it's like being a reluctant entrepreneur i don't want to do that but i'm i'm going to have to you should you know you should the stuff you're doing this hong dynasty stuff it's fun that was like just like you know it's like you know it's it's like a weird feeling to go to like a Denzel movie or a Liam Neeson movie and you're sitting there and you're like this is shitty but you're like it's so much money behind it how did it even get made you know or you're sitting in an editing room and and you're working on a show and and you're like wow that part's really funny it's like that's never going to be on TV why because everyone in this room agrees that's the funniest thing right it'll never be on TV why because of a coast soap commercial is going to pull their ads if you do that That's half the best shit I've ever said on Fear Factor Never made it to the air Exactly Because I would fuck with the contestants And say ridiculous shit That I knew wasn't going to be on the air I would love to see that But you gotta understand that that's not what they're trying to do Their business is not the business of artistic expression Their business is the business of making money What's the best way to optimize their chance to make money You gotta get a real cookie cutter bullshit television show You know these But they're saying there's no audience for a Fear Factor type show where Joe fucks with the contestants.

[452] There is.

[453] There is.

[454] But it's not that forum.

[455] That forum has already been established.

[456] It's already locked down.

[457] It's already censored.

[458] But what you're doing on the internet is a wild web.

[459] Like this podcast has no boss.

[460] There's no one to tell us what we could talk about.

[461] We could do whatever we want.

[462] And it's because it's on the internet.

[463] You could do the same sort of thing and you are doing it.

[464] But do you ever run into what I do, which is like, hey Joe, you're on like whatever a network UFC's on or, you know, anytime you do TV stuff.

[465] Do they ever go?

[466] Hey, Joe, I've had a few issues.

[467] You talked about some fucking crazy shit on your last show.

[468] You got to take that episode down.

[469] No. No, I'm not going to do that.

[470] I wouldn't do it.

[471] Yeah.

[472] There's been a few issues, but I can justify the things that I've talked about.

[473] I mean, I'm not, I'm not just going off on a rail with me close to what I'm saying.

[474] I love it.

[475] Yeah.

[476] I've never met anyone who like knows so much and just can recall that.

[477] If they at one point like Dana White or whoever said, hey, Joe, you're like part of UFC.

[478] Like you've been doing it forever.

[479] Your podcast is just.

[480] I quit.

[481] I quit.

[482] the UFC.

[483] You would?

[484] Like that.

[485] In one second.

[486] One second.

[487] You didn't say I love it so much that I can I've come close a couple times.

[488] Wow.

[489] Yeah.

[490] I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm never, I'm, I'm, I'm never, I'm, I'm never, I'm gonna that, I would be a miserable fuck.

[491] If I decided that, I'm going to censor the podcast, and now I'm not going to have people like David showing, he's a fucking loose can, and he's talking about Jackie Chan finger -banging people, he's got AR -15s, up girls' buttholes.

[492] If I did that, I would fuck myself over.

[493] And plus, I started doing this thing that I like as much as doing the UFC, I started doing these fight companion podcasts, where we sit down and we watch the fights, we put the fight up on there, and we drink and we smoke weed, and we watch the fights and just talk while the fights are going on.

[494] It's the most fun.

[495] And they're recording the whole thing.

[496] Yeah, and we broadcast it.

[497] You're probably having more fun doing that show.

[498] And it gets hundreds of thousands of downloads.

[499] Wow.

[500] See?

[501] It's crazy.

[502] I like doing that almost as much as I like being there.

[503] Almost.

[504] Being there is the best.

[505] I mean, don't get me wrong.

[506] I love my show and talking about everything, you know, fucking Jackie Chan, like, finger blasting and whatever.

[507] But I love getting access to fucking go to the North Pole and interviewing, like, the Norwegian Army General and getting, you know, I like that stuff too.

[508] And it's like, well, anytime I'm put in this, I'm like you, man, I'm like, I'll never fucking bow to, yeah, I'll never bow down to anybody.

[509] Like, I don't give a fuck.

[510] But at the same time, I don't have to do anything, you know?

[511] Right.

[512] You could just sit down and just chill.

[513] Well, you have what's really fuck you money.

[514] You really have it.

[515] I mean, that's an expression.

[516] You have fuck you money.

[517] It feels good.

[518] It does feel good, right?

[519] You've got to use that fuck you money.

[520] Use it to say, fuck you.

[521] And when you do a television show where they compromise, you, hey, you got to take down DVD ASA or you got to stop doing AR -15 up girls' butthole pictures.

[522] Right.

[523] You automatically, you get rid of the whole point of having fuck you money.

[524] Yeah.

[525] You can't say fuck you.

[526] Who you are is this weird, unique artist dude who likes doing, you like pushing boundaries, you like being open about everything from prostitutes to sexual proclivities to overeating and diabetes.

[527] But that's you, man. Right.

[528] You're a good dude.

[529] You know, I like you.

[530] I like you, too, man. Well, I don't worry about guys like you getting corrupted by the fucking grist for the middle.

[531] Get stuck in the machine where they figured out, I can't make more money off of David Cho.

[532] I got to make David.

[533] You know what they did with, here's a perfect example.

[534] You know what they did with David, Dave Chappelle?

[535] Dave Chappelle was doing the fucking Chappelle show, which, in my opinion, is the greatest sketch show of all time.

[536] The best.

[537] The best.

[538] He's one of the funniest stand -up comedians of all time.

[539] Years later, we could still watch repeats.

[540] It's funny as shit.

[541] That guy, the blind, white, racist who was a black guy, is still one of the greatest sketches of all.

[542] The race trading, the Chinese taking the Wu -Tang Clan and all that stuff.

[543] Fucking brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant show.

[544] They started telling him, he couldn't say nigger.

[545] They started telling him to stop saying it.

[546] And he was like, what are you talking about?

[547] They were like, we can get more money from advertisement if you stop saying this or you stop saying that or don't do this or do it.

[548] And that's when he went crazy or maybe went sane and decided, you know what, I got some money.

[549] And they had a $50 million offer to fucking renew and this and that.

[550] And he just said, fuck this.

[551] He went to Africa, tried to relax and find himself and came back, and he quit the fucking show.

[552] And he quit the show because they were turning him into something else.

[553] Right.

[554] They were trying to take this uncensored, brilliant, artistic mind and make him a commodity.

[555] Right.

[556] And that's what happens, man. But that's their business.

[557] It's not, that's like, it's like being along with a wolf and the wolf eats you when it's hungry.

[558] Of course, it's a fucking wolf.

[559] Right.

[560] That's what they do.

[561] Right.

[562] It's like, you can't be upset at a wolf for eating you.

[563] that's their nature and the nature of people that run these production studios and networks they're not evil they just make money and the way to make money how much money can you get from Toyota well Toyota will give you X amount of money if you don't have any swears they'll give you you know X more if you cut out this and don't do that they'll sign on for three years a three year commitment and that's the way that shit works it's just about maximizing profit I've been you know I've worked every job I've worked in advertising.

[564] I've done all that shit.

[565] When I made the fuck you money, I sat down and I have five guys that work with me now and I had a meeting and I said, the point of what we do, and it's never been, and especially now, is to not make money.

[566] You know, I know I could sit here and talk to you about, like, should you turn into subscription base or ads and this and that?

[567] We've never had ads on my show because I don't have to.

[568] And it's like, it would be nice if we made stuff that did make money, but that is never, you You know, the last three years, like, everything I do just, like, hemorrhages and bleeds money.

[569] But, you know, I can sell one painting and make that money back in one day.

[570] And, you know, it's like, I don't, people have had this discussion before when they're at 7 -Eleven buying a scratcher or super lotto -ticking.

[571] They're like, man, if I had $100 million, this is what I would do.

[572] But it's like in this country, and I don't want to go on a diatribe about greed or whatever, it's like, when is it enough?

[573] Right.

[574] Like, when is it like, so you got to show.

[575] that like the Chappelle show and he wants to say nigger.

[576] Just let him say it.

[577] Like he feels good.

[578] He's allowed to say it.

[579] You know, it's like...

[580] They're not Chappelle.

[581] So when you have people that are not creative people or not, they're certainly not responsible for his creative vision.

[582] Right.

[583] And they start interfering with it and trying to monetize it.

[584] Right.

[585] That's when it becomes a problem.

[586] When it isn't a problem is when you, who is the artist, is in complete control.

[587] Like a podcast, like your DVD -A -SA podcast, or like Hong Dyn any of this other shit you do like all of your paintings no one's standing over you and go dave stop painting tits you know you're painting vagina you're making women objects you're doing this you're doing that you you you can't be you if that's happening and look maybe some people are going to criticize you and maybe you'll take that criticism to heart and it'll change your opinion about things which is totally honest and fine if someone says hey you know hey Dave I'm tired of you painting blah blah and then you go you know what that's you know it's kind of I don't want anybody to feel bad.

[588] Right.

[589] I'm just trying to express myself.

[590] Maybe I wasn't looking at it from their point of view.

[591] And then you could sort of alter your point of view.

[592] It's not, there's nothing negative about that.

[593] It's a part of developing, maturing, growing, taking in all sorts of different influences.

[594] It's a part of being a human being.

[595] But there's a big difference between that and doing it only for money.

[596] And that's what happens when you get attached to a network.

[597] And it's not their fault.

[598] Right.

[599] It's just what they do.

[600] But it's why like I've never, I've never talked to anybody about selling this thing.

[601] I would never sell this thing.

[602] This is just, this is, we started this Now, Brian and I...

[603] It would go bad the day that happened.

[604] Of course, 100%.

[605] They'd say, you've got to stop smoking weed.

[606] Right.

[607] You guys got lit joints everywhere.

[608] You can't do that.

[609] What do you mean?

[610] Why can't we?

[611] It's California.

[612] Right.

[613] I have a medical marijuana license.

[614] So why can't...

[615] Who gives a fuck anybody?

[616] We have whiskey here all the time.

[617] Right.

[618] Nobody complains about that.

[619] Like, what do we complain it about?

[620] There's millions of people that smoke weed.

[621] You tell me that those people's money is not worth anything?

[622] Right.

[623] The weed dollar is not real money.

[624] Right.

[625] You gotta respect the fucking stoner dollar.

[626] We're people.

[627] I pay taxes.

[628] Okay?

[629] I'm in the fucking NRA, God damn it.

[630] Right.

[631] There's a real problem when people try to take creative ideas and turn those creative ideas into some sort of a complete monetary venture.

[632] Right.

[633] And that's what happens when you get involved with a television show.

[634] Right.

[635] It's just what it is.

[636] There's some sort of compromise involved.

[637] You don't have to do that.

[638] Here's the problem, Joe.

[639] It's like when I paint something, it's like some people will see.

[640] see it if i have it in art gallery i don't go to art galleries it's like the spectrum of media is like this right it's like at the top is network television like blockbuster hollywood movies and then video games or maybe video games is at the top and then it's like uh you know music and then you know books comic books and at the very bottom is art right so at the very top there's the most censorship there's the most like people with their people involved um you can't say this you can't do that Off and tail two.

[641] Right.

[642] And at the very bottom is art where I can paint anything and no one cares.

[643] And it's not literal, right?

[644] Well, not only that, it's a direct connection to the art. Right.

[645] You have your hands on the brush.

[646] You're standing in front of the canvas.

[647] There's no one there.

[648] Right.

[649] You're alone in your warehouse.

[650] It's a solitary sport.

[651] No one's involved.

[652] Sort of like jerking off, a lot of cross -atching.

[653] And you draw this thing and it means whatever it means to whoever, is to me it means this to you it means that it's like and you know there's very little chances of you becoming like a fucking billionaire drawing comic books but you know it you get to say you what dollar can you put on freedom like that but now because this weird anomaly of where i did make like all this money doing art the floodgates have opened for me to do all types of entertainment and not to sound too like artsy or whatever i look at everything i do is art i look at my podcast my TV stuff I bring that level of expression and freedom to it and then it just is not translating well with the higher ups I guess and it's like hey you could do whatever you want over here but don't there's no higher ups bro I know there isn't they can all suck your death yeah yeah there's no higher ups man it's I mean this all comes down to other people influencing influencing your your creative vision and you can't ever let that happen Because your creative vision is what makes you unique.

[654] You know, when I talked about being an artist or wanting to be an artist in high school and having this bad art teacher, I mean, I honestly do feel bad for the dude because he was really frumpy and he had a gut and his fucking posture was bad.

[655] And he just was a guy who just had no hope.

[656] And what he said to me was like, I would draw all this stuff and he was like, you got to do like, you're going to have to draw things that you don't want to draw.

[657] And I said, why?

[658] And he said, because you're going to have to make a living.

[659] So if you're going to have to make a living, maybe you're going to work for.

[660] this is the thing, the example to use, you're going to have to draw babies for a diaper commercial.

[661] And I was like, but I want to be a comic book artist.

[662] And he's like, but you may not make it as a comic book artist.

[663] So it's like, oh, fuck this.

[664] So my senior year, I didn't even take art. I was one of the best artists in his class.

[665] Right.

[666] There was me, this guy, I think his name was John DeVore.

[667] He was really good.

[668] And this guy, Kevin, who was also really good.

[669] These three guys, and we all used to draw the same style stuff.

[670] I don't know if they became artists.

[671] I don't know what happened.

[672] You didn't keep in touch with him?

[673] No, high school was weird I was a fucking I was such a social misfit in high school Do you ever do a portfolio day Where you have like a All your drawings and you go to like a Like Disney or something and you're like No I never got that far with it I didn't even get to as far as like applying to colleges When I got out of high school I went to art school for a year or two And then I dropped out And I was just like How am I gonna make a living doing this?

[674] And I got all my best drawings And I went to I think it was Cal Arts it was like a I it's like a open call like and it's like every single animation studio every single advertising agency and I got there and it's all these fucking kids with all their art and there's really long lines to talk to a guy that like has a pencil behind his ear and goes work on this yeah work on this and I was like fuck this and so I was like I'm not even gonna wait in this line so I went I went to go take a piss and I saw one of the advertising guys get up and I followed him to the bathroom and I said and I pulled one of those well well his dicks out I'm like, hey, look at this cross -hatch penis.

[675] Look at this.

[676] And he's like, hey, you can't wait in line like everyone else?

[677] I'm like, dude, I'm, please.

[678] And he, like, looked over.

[679] He's like, hey, that's pretty good.

[680] And so he's got his dick out.

[681] And I go, hey, nice fat dick, dude.

[682] No, he gives me his card and he goes, you're fucking dope, man. You should come to my office in Beverly Hills.

[683] And I was like either 20 or 21, and I was like, yes.

[684] And it's one of the biggest advertising agencies in L .A. I show up there like with a tie on and everything And as I walked down the hallway It's like every movie poster And I was like I made it I'm fucking like young and I'm gonna make a living Drawing like this is fucking crazy So I think Back then I don't know how it is now They would have all these artists draw in The style I forgot Drew Struzen That Star Wars The guy painted all the Star Wars These guys all draw that same style And you draw the movie poster, and then they give that to the photographer, and then the photographer, because, you know, there's no art in movie posters now.

[685] Right.

[686] And this is, I'm talking about fucking 20 years ago, so I'm sure it's different now.

[687] And it was a avalanche movie with Chris O'Donnell?

[688] Chris O'Donnell.

[689] I think the movie was called Avalanche.

[690] And so I sat in the room and I was like, this is so cool.

[691] I get to see a movie before it came out, you know?

[692] And I'm like, this movie fucking sucks.

[693] And then I'm sitting there watching it with like six old guys with like cigarettes dangling out of their mouth.

[694] I'm like, all right, guys, we need avalanches.

[695] We need this and this.

[696] We need Chris O'Donnell looking like this.

[697] And I'm like, this is amazing.

[698] You know, and I sit in a room and I draw Chris O'Donnell.

[699] There's a poster.

[700] Vertical limit.

[701] There it is.

[702] I think I drew that.

[703] Bill Paxton.

[704] Well, that's what you do.

[705] Yeah.

[706] That's pretty good.

[707] Is that Willem Defoe?

[708] Who's the guy in the back?

[709] I don't remember.

[710] Who is that?

[711] Scott Glenn.

[712] Scott Glenn.

[713] Oh, that guy, yeah, that guy's awesome.

[714] So I got all their head shots, I'm drawing them, the art director's coming in, he's like, you know, it's amazing.

[715] He starts with a compliment, Dave, that's great.

[716] Can you do it again, like a little bit smirk, a little bit more heroic?

[717] And then not even a day in, I'm like, I hate this job.

[718] I just drew fucking Chris O'Donnell.

[719] And same thing, I had the same thought then.

[720] I'm like, how did this movie get made?

[721] Right.

[722] Like, it's horrible.

[723] Like, who, like, why don't Chris O'Donnell is a beautiful man?

[724] I always want to see him It's a good date night movie And so I'm very safe I lasted at that job You know When you say like You gotta draw shit Like yeah The next one was like A Sandra Bullock movie Where she's an alcoholic Like 28 days or something And you know That whole like Hey I'm somewhat part of show biz And I'm working And I'm making the good money I walked into the guy's office Less than a month in I said Like thank you for this Like I appreciate it Like this I learned so much I can't do it He's like, what are you talking about?

[725] Like, you see that line?

[726] You see how many people would die?

[727] He's like, Dave, and he closes the door.

[728] He was like, I'm going to tell you something.

[729] You remind me of me, like, 20 years ago, the fucking crazy hair.

[730] You got, like, that fucking punk rock attitude.

[731] If you stay here and you do what I tell you, you could be running this fucking place in, like, 20 years.

[732] And I was like, oh, you know, he gave me a nice ego boost.

[733] Shut down with the devil.

[734] Yeah, and I'm like, I wonder if he said this to all those guys out there, you know?

[735] And because I was the youngest guy there.

[736] And I go, I can't even believe I'm telling, like, like, like, I said thank you for this opportunity I can't do this though I can't like I feel like art is my passion I love it I feel like I'm dying here you know because I thought oh I could draw Chris O'Donnell all day and then at at night I could um draw whatever I want AR 15s and but holes right muscle memory I had just spent the entire day training my hand to draw in the Drew Struzen style of Chris O'Donnell I get home and I want to do my shit and I'm like oh fuck that butthole looks like Chris O'Donnell's face you know so I I tell the guy, go, hey, look, I can't believe this great opportunity you gave me, but I'm going to, I'm going to have to regretfully decline this thing.

[737] And he goes, what are you going to do, Dave?

[738] Draw your funny books.

[739] He didn't say it in that voice, but he's like, he's like, mocking?

[740] Yeah, a little, not like hardcore, but he's like, what are you going to do?

[741] Yeah.

[742] And he's like, good luck with that.

[743] And I was like, you know what?

[744] I, I've made at that young, at that, it's, it's the, for me, the saddest thing when I see young people that have already, like, given in.

[745] Yeah.

[746] I'm like, that's the time you fight.

[747] That's the time that you should try and fail and try again.

[748] And then it's like, when you get old, you're like, at least I tried.

[749] Didn't work out, you know?

[750] So I said, look, man, I'm going to go for it.

[751] And if I end up fucking broke or poor or whatever, then fuck it.

[752] You know, at least I try it, you know?

[753] Yeah.

[754] And the next job from that was drawing midgets and buttholes for hustler.

[755] So I was like, yes.

[756] I get to at least draw what I want to draw.

[757] Midgets and buttholes for hustler.

[758] Yeah, I work for like Asian fever and the whole Larry Flynn.

[759] Yeah, it's trying to monetize a creative vision.

[760] It's always, it's, it's really important that you try to figure out what is unique in your head.

[761] I mean, what is in your head?

[762] And how do you get it out?

[763] And if you want to bring up the Chappelle show or anything, it's like this whole like, I don't want to start my own network.

[764] I don't want to start my own publishing company.

[765] It's like, I'm just going to do whatever I want, knowing that it's not going to make any money.

[766] And then what always happens is because it's so unique and whatever, it does make money.

[767] Oh, that's so easy for you now, Dave, because you have fuck you money.

[768] I'm like, how do you think I got it?

[769] How do you think I fucking got it?

[770] Right.

[771] You would still be working for that advertising agency if you just played it safe.

[772] I took the chance when I had nothing and I had nothing to new.

[773] They say the rich and the poor have more in common than the middle class because they both, like, if you're poor, you're like, hey, I got nothing to lose.

[774] If I get sued or whatever, like they could take like my fucking toilet paper roll or whatever, you know.

[775] So I don't know.

[776] You look, you're not trying to make money.

[777] You have money.

[778] so if you're not trying to make money it's really simple yeah it's like you just need a manager you need someone to come along and take care of everything so you can just be creative yeah i got a great manager i got great people working with those i got a great personal trainer check this out my rib check out this painting tell me what you think about that um it's it's beautiful uh lance jo just showed me a painting of a beautiful snow mountain landscape with trees in the style of like bob ross you want to hear something crazy um my six year old did that shut the fuck up by watching one of those Bob Ross things?

[779] No, she just takes art class Are you fucking kidding me?

[780] She's very talented She's been doing art since she was really little Is this oil paint or what?

[781] Yeah, I got with her when she was really little to We sit down and do a lot of art together That's amazing.

[782] She's talented I got my art from my uncle I got it from my family my grandmother was talented My uncle's talented my uncle's an artist Right It's all just it's in the family You know what I think about when I see that It's like have you ever seen This is going to sound bad but have you ever seen Hitler's art?

[783] Yes, I have.

[784] It's good, but it's very, like, you would think a guy that is a murderer and, like, has murdered, like, millions of people would have, like, a more hard, you know?

[785] Yeah.

[786] It's like, that's great.

[787] If you're six years, like, first of all, the thing Joe just showed me look like a grown adult painting.

[788] It freaks me out.

[789] The mountains and shit?

[790] Like, the snow in the mountains?

[791] So, when you're at that age, like, the Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, like, young person and, like, you're learning your, like, Picasso or whatever, like, you're learning your, um, um just techniques techniques and just getting all that stuff down perspective you get it down and you're like wow i can paint a tree with all the highlights off the leaves and the dew drops in and that's great that's like the time to do that but then at some point you have to be like what's inside me is it really a landscape right or do i want to paint some crazy shit and i yeah and so like she's great she has the potential like everyone has the potential right they get to a point so you discovered fighting but if you never got into fighting yeah i think you would have been a great artist doing you know all your werewolf stuff well i would have enjoyed it i still love comic book movies right i love comic book art like i love those like really glossy comic book magazine yeah so like when i see hitler's art and i see like these landscapes and just shit i'm like dude if you like went as hardcore in your art as you did with killing people like maybe you would have never become a you know did you think see the thing that was out recently about hitler taking meth like Hitler apparently was, like, really in the meth.

[792] Sounds about right.

[793] Sounds about right, yeah.

[794] There was some thing that was recently released.

[795] He was all methed out of his head.

[796] He was all meth -addled rant.

[797] Well, he was apparently a hypochondriac, and he took a bunch of different medications, but one of them is he took meth.

[798] Oh, wow.

[799] Yeah.

[800] Which totally makes sense.

[801] That was a, one of the things they say with meth is that it completely corrods your judgment.

[802] Your judgment just goes out the window.

[803] Let's kill Jews.

[804] You just kill everybody.

[805] Tadet!

[806] Tadat!

[807] Oh, that fucking.

[808] those crazy speeches, he was probably meth to the tits.

[809] Wow.

[810] Probably didn't have any nerves at all.

[811] That's why he was so intense and fucking hair flopping around, furious anger in his eyes.

[812] Yeah, that's...

[813] You watch one of his...

[814] Yeah, Hitler was on Crystal Math.

[815] Look at that.

[816] Isn't that crazy?

[817] What's that website?

[818] Is that USA Today?

[819] Yeah.

[820] According to a 47 page...

[821] I can't read that.

[822] Bullsemen?

[823] Military...

[824] Military dossier.

[825] He used to take bull semen, morphine, tranquilizers, bull semen.

[826] Hmm.

[827] I don't think that did anything for him.

[828] But the crystal macket.

[829] A pill that contain crystal meth, hmm, and other drugs.

[830] Depending on Hitler's, have you ever seen Kovorkian's art?

[831] No. Is it, is it fucking crazy?

[832] creepy as fuck.

[833] Wow.

[834] Well, you'd imagine.

[835] Yeah, but like it makes you sort of rethink, like, his motivations.

[836] Have you ever seen George Bush's art?

[837] Yes.

[838] It's fucking awesome.

[839] I want to buy one.

[840] Him looking in the mirror.

[841] Have you seen that one?

[842] Look at Kovorkian's art. Pull up some of the more dark.

[843] It's all like death stuff.

[844] which is really kind of fucked up man it's like he was really into like wow oh my god that's yeah like look at that man that's like demonic shit it's a guy being pulled into the abyss you see eyeballs behind him and stuff jesus but there's some other ones that are even more disturbing than that jamie there's like some like dead body ones and shit don't you like look at this look at this one what the fuck is this man look at this it's a dude sitting at a plate, at a dinner plate with a guy's head on the plate.

[845] What's going on here?

[846] It's, okay, zoom up again.

[847] It's like a Roman soldier.

[848] Go so we see the whole thing.

[849] It's a Roman soldier.

[850] He's smirking.

[851] He's He's, a guy has his head decapitated.

[852] There's a bowl of what Jewish stars, the star of David and then there's like, what the and the salt and pepper shaker are like rocket chips?

[853] Is that what's going on?

[854] Fucking crazy.

[855] The guy's got an apple.

[856] The guy's head is cut off.

[857] It's on a plate.

[858] There's an apple in his mouth.

[859] Okay, so let me ask you, Joe.

[860] You, you have your show where you get drunk and you critique UFC fights.

[861] You have this show.

[862] You have all these forms of expression.

[863] You have stand -up comedy every night.

[864] Do you think like art is like the best, like not for like, uh, like, monetizing reasons or fans or whatever, just when I draw something and I express, and I don't have to like write literally and I just go, wow.

[865] And that, that fucking brushstroke, it captures exactly what's going on.

[866] Isn't that, like, the best feeling?

[867] Like, I don't know what's going on in that Kevorkian shit, but that most guy must have had so much shit that, like, that release of, like, painting shit like that is just, like, it's so therapeutic to me. Like, yeah, there's definitely something beautiful about creating something because you know that, like, it didn't exist before you put your attention to it.

[868] You put your attention to it.

[869] You put your attention to that piece of paper or that piece of clay or whatever you're creating.

[870] And you, you made something out of it.

[871] And it existed because you put your attention to it.

[872] And whatever it is inside of you, right whatever creativity is it's it's like your your god creating something out of nothing you know like there's there's nothing here and you create it and then like just not to harp on it or sound you know it's just with the young people you know because i'm sure young people talk to you all the time and i don't i don't want to sound delusional saying oh it's easy for you or guys like joe but the saddest thing is when you enslave yourself at such a young age and throw yourself into Like, yes, there's people that need to be parking meter cops.

[873] There's people that need to be work at ad agencies or whatever.

[874] But it doesn't need to be you.

[875] It doesn't need to be me. It doesn't need to be me. It doesn't need to be you.

[876] There's a lot of fucking people, man. Right.

[877] Somebody will fall prey to that trap.

[878] This is like my best advice on that whole thing.

[879] It's, yeah, there's people that fall that trap.

[880] It's like, you're young.

[881] You can fuck up and you'll still be young.

[882] And then try again.

[883] And it's like, I get, you know, I'm sure you have a lot of people that are like your fans like oh you did it and i you're my idol and i worship you and this and that and so you did it so that makes me feel like i can do it and my whole thing with that is like the whole like follow your dreams definitely follow your dreams you know like definitely go for like your dreams and everything but like what gets my dick really hard is like when i'm at iHop and the guy takes my pancake order and he's like you know we have three new different syrups for that and like if you do this that's a better combo and he knows his job and he runs to get me this syrup and I'm like this guy maybe doesn't want to be iHop waiter for his whole life but the time he's here he's passionate about it he's bringing all of his energy to it and then if iHop waiters and ultimately what he ends up doing he's going to bring that you know it's like just i like try to do not everyone's going to be the best artist not everyone's going to be the best actor not it's like so when your dreams get crushed are you you know it's like be fucking awesome at your job even if it's not what you like wanted to do and then like i don't know i think about chefs a lot now because i'm friends with a lot of celebrity chefs that's not a fucking that you're serving you make food for people that's not a glamorous thing which like my friends like david chang and bordean it's becoming more glamorous because they took a shitty job where it's like fuck i got to stand on my feet and wear these weird clog shoes all day and all these eh this is too salty and take it back it's like a shitty job you're like a servant but they took that job and they made it glamorous they fucking brought their fucking rock star passion energy to it and now it's like you know i went to a chef convention uh this thing mad symposium in copenhagen and i i mean there's guys with like knife tattoos and weird facial piercings and i'm like is this like a rock star convention or something and so they're artists well yeah and they brought that to that and so i'm just like be fucking dope at your job whatever it is well i think being a chef is being an artist i really really do i think it's cuisine is a form of art and the different flavors that you can definitely in someone's mouth there's this there's an art to that without i i really learned that from bourdain yeah watching his show right and the passion that he has for it like right it's contagious it makes you yeah guys like bordean brought that to that brought it to your attention and so now it's like you meet kids that are like i want to be a chef when i grew up and it's like that yeah that really didn't exist before you know it's long everybody has something that they're really into some people are really into riding horses i couldn't give a fuck about riding horses right some people are really into you know fill in the blank right it's a matter of what your personality fits best with and trying to pursue it one of the most insidious things right happens to young kids right is not just the compromising early and falling into a slave job it's being saddled with debt right being saddled with debt right off the bat that happens so fucking often man right so often kids go to school and then they accrue fucking $300 ,000 in school debt and then they get out and they're fucked, they're a slave.

[884] And they almost did it to themselves.

[885] Yeah.

[886] Well, like someone will tell them like, look college isn't four years now.

[887] It's more like five to six years.

[888] You're going to be like a quarter mill in the hole when you get out.

[889] And we're not going to teach you anything here that's going to teach you how to make money.

[890] You're just going to know a lot about psychology.

[891] Well, especially if you're doing something technologically based.

[892] By the time you get out, years later, that stuff's all Yeah, and a lot of these professors are like dinosaurs.

[893] They're, like, teaching you some shit that's, like, irrelevant now.

[894] Yeah, there's a lot of that for sure.

[895] And it's just also the idea of wanting to figure out what you want to do with your life and having to choose at 18.

[896] Right.

[897] You're a baby.

[898] Right.

[899] When you're 18 years old, you're a baby.

[900] You've only been alive for 18 years.

[901] Right.

[902] It's not even anything.

[903] It's your first, and the last couple years is the first years you've been able to make your own decisions.

[904] Right.

[905] And all of a sudden, you have to choose the course of your life.

[906] then you got your parents harbby and i david you should be a doctor david you should be a lawyer david you should do this you should do that for the for the immigrant experience a little bit hard i mean every first of all everyone who's an american is an immigrant so it's like that it's somewhere that experience the guilt level for the Koreans is like i escaped from north korea for you to stick a gun in a girl's butthole and like you know they use that they're like the the the tanks and the fucking bombs I had to dodge for you to come here and do Hong Dynasty Did your family come from North Korea?

[907] No, but I just say that.

[908] It's more dramatic.

[909] I'm sure someone...

[910] No, but, you know, my dad has the fucking crazy escape story.

[911] My mom has it too.

[912] It's like, it's nuts, you know?

[913] Yeah.

[914] Since you brought out debt, can I speak for it for one second?

[915] Brought up debt?

[916] Like being in debt or whatever.

[917] So, I used to do this show, thumbs up.

[918] I just did the fourth season a year ago it's still not out yet but what is it it's just me hitchhiking across america it's still not out it's well three seasons of it are out on vice and then the fourth one's like still being edited or whatever it's it the whole premise of the show is hitchhike from once point A to point B um and you can't spend money on any anything like it's just to show oh man I'd love to have your life I'd love to travel I'm like I've been hitchhacking since I was 15 I've only almost got raped twice that's it that's the worst that's ever happened only almost how close a finger in the butt doesn't count right no I'm kidding or am I so it's just you know it's it's weird now because I'm rich and I'm on the side of the road begging for a ride but when I got to Detroit basically oh here let me just show you guys I'm gonna bring out visual reference someone's head in that bag this is Harry Kim he's my partner on a thumbs up our show so you got a bag with his face on it yeah I love him you had this made so here's a hundred thousand dollars this is a hundred thousand real dollars yeah there's a hundred thousand real dollars I never felt a hundred thousand dollars before oh shit it's kind of heavy yeah damn fat bricks cash baby get that pepper kid I like hip hop uh Joe so I like to gamble and when I got to um Detroit I didn't realize there was an MGM there there's like MGM casino there and so in the middle of filming thumbs up season four you know I won 10 grand at the casino and what do I need that for you know so I've never I've never been in Detroit before or I haven't been in Detroit in I don't know since I was 15 you could buy Detroit for 10 grand it looks horrible it's pretty bad and I've been to these third world countries people like oh man look at like Bosnia and I'm like look at America it looks horrible and I couldn't believe I was so shocked by it Because you've heard stories about it.

[919] And I was like, I got filmed with so much emotion.

[920] I was like, you know, I'm just going to hide this money.

[921] And I just like threw it and like I hit it around, you know, like in like shitty areas.

[922] And I just put up a tweet.

[923] I said, hey, I just hit 10 ,000 in Detroit.

[924] And it's like, I heard about a guy doing that in San Francisco.

[925] And he's like, hey, if you find it, tweet it.

[926] And it's like this big social media experiment.

[927] I'm like, I'm not doing a social media experience.

[928] I'm just like, hey, I'm fucking hiding money.

[929] And then like I, you know, I just walk around the block and I tell all the homeless people, hey, I just like through.

[930] like 10 grand and if you guys want to look for it you know and so why not just give them the money why I'm making a fucking game that's true I don't know games are fun you know what people are like I don't like to play games I'm like I love playing games they're fun so anyways the people who found the money I'm sure didn't tweet about it and they're like the backlash comes quickly you fucking piece of shit fucking with poor people like that this and that I'm like what because you didn't find the money you know so would it be fucking with people if you said that you hid the money and you didn't That's what they're implying.

[931] And I'm like, why would I do that?

[932] That's dumb, you know?

[933] So I, well, I like fucking with people.

[934] But whenever I do shit with money, I just, you know, I just give it away.

[935] I don't want to fuck with it.

[936] It's like, hey, here's $100.

[937] Take it away.

[938] I'm like, I'm not doing that.

[939] So I'm a hoarder.

[940] I don't know if you know that.

[941] Are you really?

[942] Yeah, my, the house that I live in is actually half the size of this room.

[943] And I've lived there for 15 years.

[944] And it's just people don't understand it because they're like, you could live in a like, a fucking mansion and have your own island and whatever and I'm like yeah but I don't care you know so I haven't gambled since like you know since I went to rehab for gambling and had my heart attack and all that stuff when did this happen 35 so three years ago now you went to rehab for gambling I couldn't stop man and what and what they had done with the limits because in Vegas like the most you can bet on certain things is like 25 000 a hand on blackjack or whatever is they raised it for me because they knew how much money I was worth, and I could bet a quarter million a hand on buy jack.

[945] So, you know, it could go pretty quickly.

[946] I mean, the shifts like, oh, I just won 10 million.

[947] Oh, I just lost everything.

[948] How much did you lose?

[949] This is where the mercury poisoning comes in.

[950] The height of my Vegas experience was like staying at the penthouse in every single casino, like all the high roller casinos, a harem of horrors in each one, and just going downstairs and like winning five million here, going to like the next one, going upstairs fucking like 10 girls in a row going downstairs winning 10 grand what's the most you ever paid a prostitute uh the most money i ever paid a whore um i like to say prostitute because i'm classy oh sorry sorry notice how i say that um the sex worker the the most i ever offered a sex worker was um 10 grand she wasn't this is a this is some vampire shit this is like when someone's not a sex worker yeah it's like hey Like, hey, not into Asian guys, don't want to fuck you at all.

[951] Like, I have no desire to fuck you.

[952] And you're really crass, you're a douchebag, you're crude.

[953] And I go, okay, so since I'm not denying any of that.

[954] So, this is real money.

[955] Like, this isn't a joke.

[956] Like, I'll, you know, I'm going to turn you into a horror.

[957] I'm sorry.

[958] You said that to her?

[959] I'm going to turn you into a sex worker.

[960] Did you say that to her?

[961] Yeah, it's actually all in this book.

[962] Oh.

[963] Yeah, this book is all watercolors and the text messages with, women that people have no idea that because they don't believe me see my color chart here it tells you what you are stripper single mom bush like whatever um can i read one just sure sure sure sure sure so you did it with text messages were you converted her or you did it eye to eye uh oh this one was uh telephone because i met her this is a this is a text message between me and a billionaire At some point I just stopped selling my paintings I was like I just either give them to free to my friends Or you can look at it for free on Instagram Or you can buy my books that are cheap Or you can go out and look at the murals I did Like I didn't I'm not on this planet to make Really expensive art for rich people you know Right so this guy's like And you tell a rich guy he can't buy a painting He's like How much?

[964] Yeah how much so I write to him He goes I don't know how much higher I can go 180 ,000 is my final offer I don't know what else you want no response for me okay okay I get it you don't care about money but I saw you hit it off with my wife how much how much night for a night with her and I write I don't know let me get my let me get her lips off my dick right now and I'll ask her so it's like this is this is shit that happens that like people are like no it didn't and so is he got is he playing I mean is this guy serious is he playing around oh no like you know like when you get to that level of money like I know rich guys that like pay dudes to fuck their wives and like just it gets weird you know hey i was getting there so tell me about this girl this ten thousand dollar girl oh so so she doesn't believe me right and then i i take a picture i go i'm holding 10 grand right now and she goes fuck you piece of shit like you think you think like you can buy me i go um all right fine whatever i don't think much about it she calls me two months later and the text is two months two months later and that whatever happened times whatever happened in her life or whatever two months goes by I don't know a month me I don't have no idea the text is is the offer still good I don't even I don't even know who the girl is I go who is this and what are you talking about she calls me and she goes you offer me 10 grand and I go no it's five grand now and she goes you piece I go I offered you 10 grand when I was hornyest and I was like I was playing a game and I wanted it that bad i'm like i'm like no vagina the most any man should ever pay for a vagina is two grand the most the most like you can you know but what about that robber edford movie with demi that's that's they should make it with uh two grand it's like well i i play this game it's a dumb game but you know i've played with awesome people on our show it's like someone who's not a poor.

[965] Right.

[966] A person who has a regular job, bartender, fucking, I don't know, something where you make a, like, you're a middle class.

[967] What does it cost for a person who's not a prostitute, who's single, who has a normal job to just go up to them and go, I will pay any amount of money to fuck you.

[968] Is it the Robert Redford movie?

[969] Is it a million?

[970] And like, I go for normal chick, like, I don't know, 20 grand, maybe, 10 grand, 30 grand, something.

[971] Like, as long does they know that no one's going to find out.

[972] Yeah, no one will ever find out.

[973] That's the big thing.

[974] No, people don't, they just don't want the shame.

[975] Right.

[976] And that's the real problem with the whole idea of prostitution is the shame.

[977] And every girl I asked, they're like, I don't know, five grand, three grand, two grand.

[978] I'm like, whoa, I shot it way too high.

[979] Like, all the guys always say something like 20 and up.

[980] Right.

[981] And all the girls that, or maybe it's just the women alone.

[982] All the guys, if you want to fuck the guy.

[983] No, no, no, when I ask guys, what do you think?

[984] What do they think the number would be?

[985] Yeah.

[986] Now, this girl, when you said, now it's five, grand what did she say then she said go fuck yourself then so you didn't have sex no then she called me back and then she came and she fucked me and then she didn't take the money and she left and i thought she forgot i said hey you didn't take the money it's still on the thing she said go fuck yourself and then oh what we have a weird and we still fuck now we have a weird relationship what a good kid yeah she's giving off freebies so she was basically attracted to you i don't know some sort of a strange this is the worst answer but when you say what's the most ever paid it's with my soul in time.

[987] Like, I mean, money, when money's no object for me, it's when people waste my fucking time and they play games with me and they suck my life force out, that's what cost me the most.

[988] Now, I want to get into something with you, because you were involved in this gigantic fucking controversy.

[989] Right.

[990] And knowing you, I know you, and I know the way you communicate, and I know the way you fuck around with things and the way you talk about things.

[991] You told a story on your podcast, DVD, ASA about getting a massage therapist right to give you a blow job right and by forcing her head on face face fucking her face fucking her and everybody uh decided that you were a rapist that you had raped her and that you know you you've faced this massive amount of backlash online all right well first of all like because i do the news like for vice for vice and to see like if i if i interview a Norwegian general or something and he says something, we fact check it.

[992] We fact check the fact.

[993] And it's like, oh, okay.

[994] And then it's like we're presenting ourselves as news people.

[995] It has to be accurate.

[996] Now, people who just like some, I don't know, like the TMZ, Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton type of shit where it's like, we heard this.

[997] And then they just, it's all like, this guy's a piece of shit and it's just all gossip, rumor stuff.

[998] I'm not even trying to defend myself.

[999] Like I told Totally fucked up on that end.

[1000] My shit, your shit is live.

[1001] My shit is not live.

[1002] When I record a show, I record usually five to six hours, three shows back to back, because we're not around a lot.

[1003] You release like one a week?

[1004] Well, yeah, we did two a week for a year and a half.

[1005] And then it's like, hey, the show, I don't know, like, I know the first time I came on your show, you're like, I don't like to talk about my wife or my family, this and that.

[1006] And, like, that's where you draw the line.

[1007] My thing is I don't have a line.

[1008] Like, I'll talk about anything.

[1009] And I noticed that my life, I started to, like, in true artist form, be extremely self -destructive.

[1010] Forget about, like, talking about heads of companies and this and that.

[1011] It's like, wow, I'm really like, oh, my God, this girl that I just meant won't fuck me. Oh, I heard you say horrible stuff about, like, this and that.

[1012] Like, I'm throwing myself under the bus constantly, you know, with my own show.

[1013] And were you doing it to get a?

[1014] reaction when you were doing all this stuff yeah basically what happened was my friend who's a lawyer said dude you're getting into a lot of trouble and when i said so i'm i'm like here's a show i don't have to do at all it's costing me money time headache there's like weird stalkers hanging out outside you know it's like it was getting bad um it was ruining my life and and everyone's like why are you doing it i'm like because it because it's impulsive because i like it you know wild um so he goes look there's a lot of people that you're talking about about that they don't want you to talk about them right they have real lives they have real jobs i'd say almost every like celebrity we've had on our show is asked to take the show down or have it edited except for joe joe was cool um but uh he said look if you want to tell a story about like let's say michael jordan i don't know michael jordan but like say you were friends with michael jordan you want to tell a story about michael jordan and it's not say a famous white baseball player so then it's like still a famous person you know he's like change the race if the point of the story isn't who it is and but what happened right and change the race changed the um uh when it happened and change like as many details without fucking up the story you know and so it was our third show of the day and my show is like chaotic i mean you've been on there's like six people talking over each other at the same time and i was trying to tell this story and no one was a paying attention and i don't listen Like, when this show ends, do you listen to yourself?

[1015] No. I never listened to myself.

[1016] And that was the one time where I was like, man, these guys aren't listening.

[1017] So I exaggerated a little.

[1018] I never, all the bad shit that happened to me, I deserved it.

[1019] I never should have told the story the way I told it.

[1020] I should have never, like, whatever.

[1021] Anyways, I'm like, whatever.

[1022] I'm not a rapist.

[1023] And it's like, well, that's what all rapists say.

[1024] I'm not a fucking rapist.

[1025] Like, I've never, like.

[1026] And then people started bumping me in with Terry Richardson.

[1027] And I'm like, nobody came out of the woodwork because I don't fucking treat people like that, you know?

[1028] Right.

[1029] And it's like, oh, he face fucked her.

[1030] I'm like, the number one thing, because I have been in prison five times, is everyone, because of growing up with like these movies, American me, whatever, whenever I go to jail is I'm like, I'm not black, I'm not white, I'm the minority in prison, someone's going to try to rate me, you know?

[1031] So then I think, then the, the, would you rather get fucked in your mouth or your ass or you know like those kind of questions and yeah i've been to prison five times no one's ever tried to i don't know really try to fuck my ass or face fuck me but did that disappoint you a little bit i felt a little bit you know i'm like come on not a bad looking guy but the show ended and uh and my manager comes in he goes do you ever listen to your own show i go no he goes that was the worst sounding like he goes i know you you you sort of exaggerated and told that story weird like me you should just cut that out i'm like well then i would be a hypocrite just put it out no one gives this shit anyways then you know like all these blog gossiping bullshit and they blow it out of proportion and i'm like wow the show that i created in the first place like what happened was i went when all this facebook shit happened i went on howard stern where i talked for two hours unedited right and it was live then i went on barbara walters and she butchered my thing and just took out like tidbits of pot of context yeah and i was like fuck this i'm gonna have my own show where no one can ever fuck with me because it's going to be from my perspective and what I did was I fucking shot myself and I'm like the only I'm the only person ever fucking person in a sex scandal where there's no victim except for myself and I did it to myself I'm like there's no fucking one coming forward they're like wait the feminists are like wait till this chick comes forward and we're gonna all get behind her and pay her legal fees because Dave's rich and I'm like no one's coming forward like there's nobody there it's like like the girl likes me and I face fuck her like every week now it's like it's like face fucking is not rape it's like oh oh oh it's like fun they like you know what happens when you don't want to face fuck somebody you bite their dick off that's what happens like that can happen that is an option um so like when you were doing it is it just you just get caught up in the moment you're just trying to be entertaining or you're trying to uh to just to be controversial to be exciting i just got I just got, I was really tired.

[1032] This is, like, this is exactly what happened.

[1033] No one, I was losing control of the show.

[1034] And, like, look, everyone always goes, why don't you just do your own show?

[1035] You fucking talk forever.

[1036] Why don't you do a show like, you know, Adam Carolla or Joe's where it's just like you and like one other person or two other people?

[1037] Why do you have like 10 guys on your show, you know?

[1038] And so I was just losing control of the show.

[1039] It was tired.

[1040] It was late.

[1041] And I was like, I'm going to say something a little bit more exaggerated so that they'll perk up their ears, which it did.

[1042] They're like, oh, you know, and then, look, and then the shitstorm started and it's like I was like well who cares like I didn't do it I didn't do anything from their point of view no no of course the point of view of people that are listening to that and you know the the whole concept of rape culture you're promoting right first of all can I just say during that whole thing Joe is like the like the only one of like my celebrity buddies that like call me and was like just he was a good friend so thank you for that well you're welcome I just you know first of of all, I don't know if you raped somebody, but I don't think you ever would.

[1043] You just, I can't.

[1044] I could be wrong.

[1045] Obviously, you could be wrong.

[1046] But I listened to your explanation of it.

[1047] And I know what it's like when you do in a podcast, because sometimes you're just trying to be entertaining.

[1048] I've seen people exaggerate stories.

[1049] I know, I know, I've been on podcast before where people have told stories that I know what really happened, and they're trying to make it better by adding a little to it.

[1050] But the way you did, it was pretty crazy.

[1051] Yeah, if you and me went through some crazy shit and, like, We were like, let's talk about it without getting that guy in trouble.

[1052] Then we have to change some details.

[1053] You got to dance around and turn into a rape session.

[1054] But to the people that listen to it, I kind of see their point.

[1055] Oh, when I went, like I said, when I went back and heard it, it sounds horrible.

[1056] Right.

[1057] Like, that's why I'm like, everyone who, like, got down on me, I'm sorry.

[1058] Like, I deserve, like, knowing who I am and then, like, hearing like that thing, I was like, whoa, that sounds bad.

[1059] like so you know but my my defense my delusional defense of like but i didn't do it it's like if i if i said anything it just sounds anytime anyone sounds tries to defend themselves it sounds horrible i was like whatever i mean i totally understand what you're saying so um and i understand it from a point of someone who does podcast too that you can say things sometimes that you don't mean it even you're just trying to be fun or titillating or in your case trying to be really controversial to change the tone of the room you just fucked up you know Patrice O 'Neill was talking about something once where he was talking about people trying to be funny that sometimes people say like really offensive things that they're trying to be funny and it fails and that they're a horrible person and he's like but if they said something that wasn't offensive and funny and it succeeded and made you laugh it comes from the same place it comes from this place of trying to make something entertaining and you make mistakes when you're doing things live look you've been on our show And once I, I need to go back to the North Korea -America thing.

[1060] It's like, I know I'm not a murderer.

[1061] I know I'm not a racist.

[1062] So why can I say like AIDS jokes?

[1063] It's like, I get it now.

[1064] It's like, oh, well, you have a responsibility.

[1065] People will hear that and think, you know, it's like, when I'm with Asa and we're not on the air and we're just saying the worst shit to each other.

[1066] It's like, who cares.

[1067] Well, you're also dealing with Asa, Kira, who's like one of the most hardcore of hardcore porn stars ever.

[1068] Right.

[1069] So, like, her tolerance level and what she thinks is funny.

[1070] and controversial is so different.

[1071] Well, that's what has happened is hanging out, and I'm not blaming awesome, it's like, I have a lot of porn friends and I have a lot of disturbed Yoshi, like a lot of disturbed people.

[1072] And so when we fuck with each other, you know, and, you know, comedians and like, like, you start to forget that there's normal people out there.

[1073] I know.

[1074] Yeah, you're like, oh, wow, like that, like, you know, me and my friends when we get together, horrible, like, like this is I told you about Steve Lee and Bill Bill Poon doing the Macau brothers so Steve's the lead singer of my band now I started a band called Monchi with Money Mark from the Beastie Boys Steve never gets late he fucks a pocket pussy every night right and so I say hey dude if something happens with our band you're going to start you're the lead singer you're going to start getting late all the time and you put pussy way up on a pedestal like he gets so distracted if a girl likes one of his photos on Instagram he's like Dave look at her and I go hey like you got to you got to concentrate on like learning these lyrics like like get into the shit so I said you know what I'm gonna take you to Vegas we're gonna have an old old school like when I was in the height of my gambling we're gonna have old school orgy and you're gonna fuck non -stop and you're gonna learn that pussy is it's just sex it's not like this you know and he's like I'm all for that Dave so thumbs up I'll show you a cool video after so we go to Vegas and he's Getting his dick sucked by two women at the same time going, Dave, this is amazing.

[1075] Oh, my God, this is so warm and wet.

[1076] This is, like, the best feeling ever.

[1077] Like, and it's, it's, uh, it's, he's having the best time.

[1078] And, and he's like, oh, wow, I've never had a threesome before.

[1079] I go, there's another one coming.

[1080] So he had like one threesome after the next.

[1081] He's just, and, like, I'm on the bed just filming it for him because I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, dude, you'll want to watch this later.

[1082] I'm like, every, every time you think like, oh, like this is, whatever, like, like, just remember you getting.

[1083] one ball in her mouth one ball in this other chick's mouth and uh you ever see this is a little bit off topic but you ever see that signfield where um the guy converts to judaism so he could tell jew jokes so i'm sitting on the bed filming steve get his dick sucked by two women and one of them stops and she and she's like look at his butt it's so cute i go yeah steve's got a really cute butt and she goes should i stick my finger in it and she i go yeah go for it and he goes no no don't do it exit only but he's still fucking the girl So she goes She spits a loogie in his ass And I go I'm gonna stick my finger in his ass So I stick my finger in his ass and I go Can I start saying fag jokes now?

[1084] I'm like I'm pretty much Committed a gay act And hey you can't say fag And I go but I'm I did something gay right now So I don't know It's like Yeah your tolerance level And your level of like What is acceptable I come back I tell people this shit And then we found out that Bill who fucked like 30 hookers can't he's 53 he can't come i go what do you mean he goes i don't use my hands and i wear women's underwear and i use the the tightness of the band around my boner and i twerk back and forth until i come and i go what the fuck are you talking about so then we made another tv show that we haven't filmed yet which is i go wait so when you fuck hookers yeah i go that doesn't feel good to you he goes no i go then why come then why don't you come he goes and so i go your thing is psychological you you what is it he's like in i go is it something like where you feel like the girl doesn't deserve your come or something so i made a whole new tv show for him called girlfriend experience and i'm sending him to columbia and i paid a model like that looks like sophia virgara bill if you're listening like you know not the most attractive guy like a short like um very fat nerdy looking Asian guy with a girlfriend like basically i told the girl, you can't ever talk about money.

[1085] You have to trick him and pretend like you're his girlfriend for 30 days.

[1086] Oh God.

[1087] And then see if you finally come.

[1088] So it's like the whole TV show.

[1089] If you fuck 30 hookers and you don't, basically sorry, that's my life now.

[1090] So that feels normal.

[1091] So when I talk about this shit with you or my friends, it's like, whatever, that's weird.

[1092] We just talked about an Asian guy that twarks in women's panties to come.

[1093] And then you're like, oh, wait, maybe this isn't polite dinner conversation.

[1094] Maybe like my worldview's a little bit skewed and it's a little You know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, I'm not the best person to bring to, like, a dinner party with wives and stuff, you know, like.

[1095] Yeah, that's, that's definitely not polite dinner conversation.

[1096] Right.

[1097] So it's like, I don't know.

[1098] And you've been on our show, it's like when you go in the room and the door's closed and then everyone just starts fucking, you just like, you're like, you forget that another world exists, you know.

[1099] Yeah, when everybody starts talking about crazy shit, you sort of like get into that mode.

[1100] comes acceptable like right if you're around people that never swear and someone walks in the room and says fuck it's like oh oh my goodness right but if you're around people that are constantly swearing you don't even it doesn't even like this conversation here nothing nothing's registered right when you and i'll say this fucking this or that yeah means nothing but if the president said it in a speech right you personally be like whoa he just said fuck and so i was like you get used to maybe i gave myself too much credit i'm like hey i have I've developed my you know I've branded myself as a fucking crazy artist guy and I can do anything and I'm like oh I guess not you know it's like you know like when you tell someone you're an artist like it's sort of like free like you can do whatever like I find not rape that's where I know you're victimized well I found out yeah like you made a mistake my whole thing is like I'm around a lot you know and I'm not saying this at all to get sympathy but like I get raped all the time I like women grab and touch me and do shit to me that I don't want and it doesn't count because I'm a guy and I'm not I'm not even please please I'm not saying it all because like I like it whether it's rape or not it's like yeah I got molested all this shit it's like how's it molesting you if you like it because I because I don't want it and then it's like I like that I don't Joe are we so simple that we can't have conflicting emotions at the same time I love and hate you at the same time no when it starts I'm like I definitely don't want this chick to be touching me and then it's like then it feels good well I'm a sick person.

[1101] I'm a sick, demented person and...

[1102] Well, that was part of what you were talking about when you were talking about this experience.

[1103] Like, you were talking about the fact that it might be kind of rapy was what got you off.

[1104] And you were saying that, again, you're a brown, a bunch of fucking perverts who were all trying to take it to the next level.

[1105] Also was like, so you're a rapist.

[1106] And I was like, yes, I'm a rapist.

[1107] And it's like, no, I'm not a rapist, but it's like, I don't, I know I'm not.

[1108] So I'm, we're joking.

[1109] And you kind of forget also that a lot of other people, that don't understand your sensibility are going to be listening to this right exactly you assume that the people that get it like like on my message board my message board is like this ridiculous message board and some some of the subjects are just so like but everybody kind of understands the tone of the board so they'll say something really fucked up and if it was on any other message board people might like read it and go what the fuck did this guy just say but it became normal well yeah I still am not there yet it's like when I have when I get new fans from like being on the board end show or if i'm reporting the next cold war coming that's serious shit and then they come over they're like oh i like this guy i wonder what else he's up to rape and they're like whoa fuck right uh you know so it's like i don't know but that they'll figure it out eventually that's you i mean you're still you're still doing the same shit obviously can i just say something about that it's like if someone's not a rapist it's like it's it's such a huge fucking thing to call someone that when they're not and it's like you're literally like ruining that guy's life but how would they know that you're not a rapist that's the problem they would assume that you are i saw people that i know call you a rapist and i was like oh this is a mess i'm like you don't even know me like it's like but they're basing it on what you said right and so it's your fault yeah it is it's we both agree zero defense no fault from what i said it sounds horrible you know me you're like they've just being yeah like i know your whole thing right your style of communicate and I know that show which is crazy I love your show I love your show I love the Hong dynasty shit I love all those wacky shit you do because you I really think like other than the rape stuff I really think it's important to have a guy like you out there thank you pushing the boundaries I think what you said about Jackie Chan it's funny but it's fucking important because in in terms of like identifying and and and communicating about racism right that's a real racist thing.

[1110] And for a person who's Asian, that's got to be kind of fucked up.

[1111] It is.

[1112] It is kind of fucked up.

[1113] And it's like There's a Charlie Sheen out there.

[1114] It's banging hookers.

[1115] And it's like, yeah, go Charlie.

[1116] But then you do it.

[1117] It's like, oh, Dave's creepy.

[1118] But it's, it's the people that like come at me the most, Asian women.

[1119] They're mad at you.

[1120] Yeah, they're mad at me. Because you're fucking white checks.

[1121] That's why.

[1122] But you're all Asian all the time.

[1123] But this is what it's done.

[1124] It's like, oh, is Dave full of shit or this and this and this.

[1125] So like I said, During the height of that like crazy Vegas era, I would be going to Vegas all the time with like a hundred grand, a million dollars in like a pillowcase in my backpack.

[1126] It's much that looks like this.

[1127] You went to Vegas with a million dollars in a pillowcase?

[1128] Oh yeah, all the time, all the time.

[1129] And so that's the most money I've ever seen in my life, by the way.

[1130] I've never seen $100 ,000 in cash.

[1131] Joe, I'm cleaning my room for the first time in seven years since I lived in my hoarder's nest.

[1132] It's just, it's just filthy.

[1133] I find a shoebox and I'm like, oh.

[1134] hundred grand from the Vegas era and I go fuck you know Critter I don't want to get into how much shit he does for me but I sat here tearing him down about what a horrible personal trainer he does shit that like I can't even talk about here that's like the he's my lime shovels hole yeah so I just I just gave him this I was like you take this because you're the fucking man he's like I don't want your dirty money he's like I don't I don't get I'm not a whore like I'm not gonna get paid for the whatever so I was like let's do So for all the people to go, if I was, I know $100 ,000 isn't a, like, million dollars, but it's like, it's a lot of money.

[1135] It's good.

[1136] Get a kid out of debt.

[1137] Whatever.

[1138] And so all these people complaining, well, if I was rich or this and that, or it's easy.

[1139] Or, or because I did.

[1140] So this 100 grand cash, like this.

[1141] I'm just going to give it to someone.

[1142] Okay.

[1143] It's not like some weird, like, oh, fill out this form and we take half or I'm just going to give it to you.

[1144] But you have to go around the United States and you got to do all.

[1145] I could have put all these clues.

[1146] in place and immediately they're like well we're not rich like you i go i've traveled around the united states for nothing and they're like oh well like we have lives we have jobs i go it's a hundred thousand dollars that's why you would do it and so and with all this shit they're like we never even know if this guy's serious or not so i'm putting a hundred grand up in this critters cross -country cash contest scavenger hunt that's what it's called 10 people are playing only 10 people are playing I bet there's more now.

[1147] Well, yeah, I mean, I wanted to...

[1148] Critters, cross -country, cash...

[1149] Contest.

[1150] All the details are at DVD -a -Asa .com.

[1151] It's 5 -C -C -Critors cross -country cash...

[1152] 5Ces.

[1153] Okay, here's the problem with that.

[1154] Yeah.

[1155] Your DVD -Asa page, anybody can go there and just fuck with it.

[1156] No, the contest is the only thing on the thing that you can't fuck with.

[1157] You can't fuck with that.

[1158] Can you change a threat level?

[1159] You could do it right now.

[1160] Someone can change a threat level?

[1161] Yeah, sure.

[1162] Why not?

[1163] Remember when that was like a big deal?

[1164] every day I've been talking about this lately with my friends my threat levels at what orange all the time man it's bad do you remember when it was like that though like every day you'd look at the news the terrorist threat level would be in well that was closer to like 9 -11 shit was so ridiculous and it makes people like uneasy and stuff oh of course that's the point of it and it's also a good thing for the news right you hear threat levels at orange right motherfuckers right those goddamn Arabs Joe I love you I love you too buddy you're a fucking awesome guy man you're a good dude I really it helps me to come on the show and talk to you about this stuff because I know like you go through a lot of the similar shit like everyone wanted to know like like why I'm so calm in the last three months it's because I took my show down and it's not for any reason that people think it's like literally like I was sitting at home one day and like there was a glitch on our website and they're like oh the next episode can't go up tomorrow I'm like why he's like oh we got to call a guy and fix this thing and then I was just sitting there and thinking I was reading a comic book and I was like I don't have to do this yeah Like I don't have to do this and like I don't know what your fans are like But like my fans are horrible like that's why that's like critters here today I knew if I showed this money like maybe someone's gonna drive here right now So you know I think that you you're always gonna have some horrible people that are out there You have what you do first of all you have great fans because every time I do your show I go outside I go to the supermarket they're like heard you want Joe and they're so nice Our fans are fucking great too but then there's like that handful of like if I talk about something then they'll definitely go out of their way to like if I try to like mask the girl that I'm talking about without giving away or identity they'll put the clues together figure out who it is call her and be like hey Dave said horrible shit about you they're usually wrong and they just live to sabotage me why do you think that is I honestly try to figure that out like I don't watch a lot of television but like you know how there's like all this like reality TV the Kardashians and all this shit the housewives and people are like I hate this show but I can't stop watching I really feel like Like, there's people that hate me that watch everything I do.

[1165] I could be wrong about this.

[1166] And then, like, just, I get excited.

[1167] And I'm like, cool, I have a show where I could talk about anything.

[1168] I talk about it.

[1169] And then I find out, like, we did a couple episodes in Big Bear.

[1170] And I was like, cool, we're doing shows in Big Bear.

[1171] While we're doing the shows in Big Bear, because we said that, someone went online, found out the address of the thing, blasted it on the line, wrote the manager and said, hey, there's a disgusting porn star and a fucking rapist artist.

[1172] they're doing, you know, and the landlord calls us and he's like, hey, like, what, what's the, like, we're trying to have this, like, we spent a million dollars building this, like, nice resort, honeymoon, Big Bear Ranch and you guys are turning it into what?

[1173] So, that was this post, the internet controversy, or pre?

[1174] After, after.

[1175] Post.

[1176] So I'm just like, what the fuck am I doing?

[1177] Right.

[1178] You got to assume that then people are looking at you as a target.

[1179] They're going after you.

[1180] Right.

[1181] And, but I'm also like, like I said, I don't need to be putting, painting this bright fucking bullseye on me all the time.

[1182] Right, right, right.

[1183] So I was like, you know what?

[1184] I'm just going to take a vacation.

[1185] I don't take a break.

[1186] But we're back.

[1187] We're up there.

[1188] You're going to do it again.

[1189] Well, it's up there.

[1190] It's back.

[1191] There's our disgusting DVDs, say, Wikipedia page and.

[1192] Are you recording new episodes?

[1193] Yeah.

[1194] I mean, well, the thing is I never stopped.

[1195] I never stopped.

[1196] I never, like, we have like 30, 50 episodes.

[1197] I don't even know.

[1198] So the entire time you're just recording them a night.

[1199] releasing them yeah if someone shot me in the head today i'd have like like a year's worth of podcast to just that's hilarious yeah you can't stop this shit motherfucker you can't stop this shit dbda say forever fuck man people are gonna be very happy people were very bummed out on my website my message board people were very bummed out that you took your show down well i'm like i'm always like who gives a shit like you know it's like people do people give a shit but you got to understand okay as your friend this this this this persona that you've created, who you are, your actual human existence, who you are.

[1200] And then on top of that, all the hyperbole, exaggeration and fun and chaos and all the stuff that you're doing, all the machine guns and buttholes and all this chaos, you're automatically going to attract a certain amount of unsavory attention.

[1201] I've learned that now.

[1202] Well, it's also plus people are fucking haters.

[1203] There's a lot of haters out there.

[1204] And there's a lot of people that just makes me stronger.

[1205] they want to not like something right they're looking for something to distract them from the miserable existence that they're caught up in and then there's also people that think hey this guy's a piece of shit rapist i have a target now right and then they go after you because of that well how do you deal with it my i'm not a piece of shit rapist no i'm not saying you're very nice person i'm just saying i know you have crazy fans you're always going to get crazy people you're always going to get a certain amount of them and right i try one of the reasons why i mean i assume one of the reasons why the people that like this show are so nice, my fans are so nice, it's because I'm a nice person.

[1206] And you can also fuck them up.

[1207] But I just, well, that doesn't matter.

[1208] People could shoot you.

[1209] Right.

[1210] You know, the people always say, oh, if I was you, I would go kick people's asses.

[1211] Right.

[1212] Right.

[1213] That doesn't last.

[1214] You know, you pick people's asses.

[1215] They don't like that.

[1216] They shoot you.

[1217] They stab you.

[1218] They run you over the car.

[1219] Right.

[1220] Just be nice.

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] Like, if you, martial arts is supposed to be about developing your character.

[1223] Right.

[1224] Right.

[1225] Figuring out how you overcome difficult obstacles and how that makes you a better person.

[1226] To not fight.

[1227] That's what it is for me. Right.

[1228] Right.

[1229] So it's not about that, but it's also about being confident.

[1230] So you don't have to worry about as many people kicking your ass.

[1231] There's always going to be some people that can kick your ass, no matter who you are, really.

[1232] Right.

[1233] Unless you're at the top of the fucking heap.

[1234] And then you're only at the top of the heap for a certain amount of time.

[1235] I mean, when Kane Velasquez beat the fuck out of Brock Lesnar, everybody was like, Jesus Christ.

[1236] Right.

[1237] You could be a guy like Brock Lesner.

[1238] Right.

[1239] And somewhere out there, there's this badass dude with brown pride tattooed on his chest who just beats the shit out of you.

[1240] It's always going to be someone that's always going to be someone, most likely.

[1241] But I think you.

[1242] put out a certain energy and you get back a certain energy well like it's there's always it's the metaphor i said in high school i fought like almost every weekend didn't win 90 % of them still did it so it's like that's if that's uh says anything about you there's nothing i mean short of like putting a bullet in my head there's nothing like you you you getting in that that black guy putting you thing and humiliating you it's like i've been embarrassed humiliated i've been called a rapist i've lost love and finance and anything bad you can do to me I've been in jail I've almost gotten raped you know like it's like there's nothing you can do to me that I haven't done worse to myself you know but you've grown from all this stuff right I think so have you grown from this personal experience I think so the rapist experience the virtual rapist experience yeah um you know that putting that out there now even though it's innocent and you're trying to entertain look when I like the stand up thing that I threw up on Vidme it's like the first time I tried it like I'm you could see I'm shaky I'm trying to find words like I Broadcasting I don't know how many episodes you're up now like 600 or something like And you've been on TV like I've been a quiet guy drawing werewolves my whole life right And I've just started to do this shit I'm trying to figure out who I am I'm trying to you know I'm I'm learning and I don't mind I don't mind people judging me as I learn, and I know that's going to happen with the haters and stuff, but it's like, look, if you want to hate on me, go ahead, I'm like, I'm sorry if it didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted.

[1243] I'm sorry if I offended you.

[1244] Actually, I'm not.

[1245] I'm not sorry if I offended you, but it's just like, you know, I'm learning.

[1246] I have my heroes, like, stern and whoever growing up, it's like, there's a little bit of emulation, but then there's also like, I want to be my own person.

[1247] So I'm trying, you know, I'm trying to figure out my voice.

[1248] And in the meantime, like, yeah, I'm falling.

[1249] I'm failing here.

[1250] So I hopefully I'm learning.

[1251] from this experience was also the there's an I don't know if there's an art or a skill to being the public eye and expressing yourself because I have not mastered that yet this the shit that we all do and I know you know you know you hang around with guys that I know like Bobby who's fucking crazy Bobby Lee's crazy and there's the shit that Bobby and I have done just hanging out the comedy store right to make each other laugh right Bobby said like ridiculously dark fucked up shit dark shit and I'll howl laughing right I know he's not being on but if anybody else came along it didn't know bobby and heard him say that right it could be misconstrued and when you're broadcasting it to the whole world and that's what tvs yeah you're inviting a bunch of people who don't know you as a human right you know yeah no that's i mean you that if that what you just said is a commercial for my show it's like we say some fucking horrible shit and it's like if you're if you're part of the family if you're part of the whole like you're in on it then you get it if you're just like oh i saw him on hboh let me check him out you're like what's the fuck did I just hear right now, you know?

[1252] Maybe you should hire someone to go over all the DVD ASAs as you do them, and then at the end of the episode go, what do you got for me?

[1253] Well, you said you raped someone.

[1254] Oh, I definitely didn't do that.

[1255] Let me explain.

[1256] I was bullshit in there.

[1257] Well, you know, you said you robbed gangsters and you fucked them the ass with a dildo.

[1258] Well, I didn't.

[1259] Right.

[1260] But I can't talk about that story.

[1261] Well, we have, we solved the problem.

[1262] I didn't, I don't need to hire anyone.

[1263] DVDSA if you If you go to DVDASA .com You can Or like listen to it on iTunes or whatever But if you want to watch it It's on that VidMe site now Because like I don't want to censor anything We broadcast from an insane asylum now From a real insane asylum?

[1264] From a real insane asylum?

[1265] And so it's like Hey guess what?

[1266] I'm fucking crazy How do you get to an insane asylum?

[1267] Look at the thing right now Okay Hey big bucks gets you whatever you need Really?

[1268] Yeah check it out Where does it say it?

[1269] This is a whole thing now.

[1270] It's all black dicks.

[1271] Ever since the show started, your entire website has been changed.

[1272] I'm looking for it.

[1273] What am I looking at?

[1274] Just hit like, so we're calling it all the old shows.

[1275] It's the new DVD -A -SA.

[1276] So it's like Saga 2.

[1277] And then if you just click on it, you'll see what the inside of the room is.

[1278] This is a shit website, buddy.

[1279] It's horrible?

[1280] Okay, Saga 2.

[1281] Saga 2, Chapter 1, The Ranch, Part W. Sardines Chapter 2 Sardines Here I'll show you what it looks like But what are we looking for here?

[1282] Oh yeah, just played off YouTube or Vidme or whatever I'll show you that it's They're all inside and insane It's probably crashing right now Because all the people go into it That's probably what's happening You probably got thousands of people visiting it right now Yeah I mean We put it up on YouTube but it's censored And then we have it on Vidme uncensored the episode two right now there's a chick with like 34 gs or I don't know the biggest real tits I've ever seen in my life there's a lot of people watching this they kept flopping up yeah yeah that's what's going on um so how did you get you so you paid them to let you get into this I said look man instead of like you said like that's that definitely cross my mind I was like I'm just going to hire someone we're not live right we're delusional we say dark shit at the end of the episode have like a lawyer go hey that you guys went too far and I'm like good like that always makes me feel good like you know I'm 40 I'm 38 years old I just started a punk band with Steve Lee and whatever my dad heard it and he's like I've never been more embarrassed of you in my head because it because I have a Korean song where I was like pangu mokole it's like you want to eat my fart you want to eat my fart he's like you're a grown man you're a grown man and you just like that is so disgraceful to my country you're my son and he's like i'm begging you as you i'm a fucking grown man he's like i'm begging you as your father take that song down and i'm like yes yes i did something right you know it's like um so instead of having a guy paid to be like take this episode down or edit this thing i'm like let's just broadcast live from a fucking insane as i don't think that's a real disclaimer though i think especially since you've come on this show i know it's not i know it's not Joe.

[1283] 5150, right?

[1284] Just hire somebody.

[1285] I don't know.

[1286] Have one of your employees just go over everything with a fine tooth comb and then apologize at the end of every episode.

[1287] I just do everything as if one of these nut jobs is going to kill me one day.

[1288] It's just like stack the podcast, stack the shows.

[1289] Do you have that many nut jobs?

[1290] This is all the negative nut jobs are all post this, right?

[1291] No, I mean, this is, I mean, I've had critter for a few years now.

[1292] Right, but I mean the negative nut jobs, they've escalated because of all this?

[1293] I've had haters in my entire life, you know?

[1294] Well, people look at you like, you're not just a talented artist.

[1295] You're a talented artist that got some crazy break where you, you illustrated the Facebook offices that gave you a shitload of money.

[1296] I'm not going to deny that the Facebook thing was a crazy break, but I've made millions of dollars in like everything I've ever wanted to do.

[1297] And so it's like, did I get a crazy break over and over again?

[1298] Or did I just bust my ass and like, you know, just fucking go for it, you know?

[1299] Well, you've been very successful and, right.

[1300] You got a crazy break Oh yeah I've been very successful And that And then so when anything happens They're like oh well Like I said The way started the show Oh well he's rich I'm like well what about My entire life Up until then Like was that a - People love to marginalize folks People love to find some way Where you're not better than that Right The difference with the Facebook thing In my life before was Nobody knew how much money I had So when they went to my hoarder's house Like I had millions already I already sold out a million dollar art show In London I had millions from gambling And like But nobody knew Right.

[1301] And I was like, so I can still, like, that's the best.

[1302] Right.

[1303] That's the best combo.

[1304] You get to live a normal life, but you're fucking rich as shit.

[1305] And then.

[1306] So you were rich before the Facebook shit even went down?

[1307] I didn't have hundreds of millions, but I had a few million.

[1308] And I was like, cool, that's more than I ever thought I would make.

[1309] Right.

[1310] I'm selling paintings for a couple hundred grand.

[1311] Like, it was awesome.

[1312] I go to Vegas and win a hundred grand.

[1313] It was like, it was a very good life.

[1314] But now it's like, you know, if I go.

[1315] Now it's public.

[1316] Now it's like, give me, if I open my email right now, it's, give me money.

[1317] Give me money.

[1318] Do you ever give people money?

[1319] No, never I hide it I do well yeah I have a hundred thousand dollars I'm gonna give away But they don't I have to I'm making you work a little bit for it Right The clues The fucking clues for a critter's cash contest Are like the dumbest Like easiest clues ever I was like I want to make it all cryptic Like the game and make it super hard And I was like no I'm literally Force feeding you the answers Like well what if more than one person finds it We have a whole thing It's like First of all everyone thinks I'm hiding cash I'm like I already learned from the Detroit thing I'm not hiding cash I'm just going to give it to you.

[1320] I'm hiding clues, which is a red dot that critter spray painted at nearby the place.

[1321] You go there, you take a selfie of yourself in front of the clue with a current newspaper, and then the first 10 people, they get the points.

[1322] And at the end, whoever has the most points.

[1323] And right now, like I said, there's only like 10 people playing, and it's like the points are scattered, so it's like anyone's game.

[1324] And I'm going to announce the winner on Halloween.

[1325] And on November 2nd, I'm just going to, like on November 2nd, like November 2nd, second two years ago this is what happened i went you ever do an a m a on reddit yes so i i didn't even know what red it was and everyone's like it's a front page of the internet it's the front i go okay so what does that mean and they're like you upvote and i learned what reddit was so i said i'm gonna do an a m i'm like hey everyone i'm david show i'm an artist i used to be a thief i'm a gambler i won all this facebook money da da da da da ask me anything i answered everyone's questions for 24 hours straight with live video response with a cast of 200 of my friends and actors and midgets and porn stars and chefs and everyone I knew and everyone was like what just happened it would be a kid like hey Dave what's your favorite place to eat I don't know let me ask Anthony Bourdain and he'd be like what the fuck so they knew that it was live I go I don't know Dickface 372 and they're like oh my God he's talking to me you know so the next day like people started going fuck did you see this motherfucker blew up the internet yesterday everything got taken down everything on youtube everything on vimeo everything on live wire everything on red tube like we we put shit everywhere like we infected the whole internet for like 24 hours it got taken down why um i i don't know it was just like tits ass but like i don't know like red red tube is like a porn site yeah so we put up the more racier shit there i don't i don't i don't I don't know.

[1326] I don't know if it's haters over there, but it's like, and then they, for like two years, they made my name, like, unsearchable on Vimeo.

[1327] Like, if you typed in my name, like, any, like, art video or anything I've done.

[1328] So I was like, I started getting paranoid and whatever.

[1329] So then that's why I love, like, vidme, whatever.

[1330] Like, I sound like I'm doing a huge commercial for them, but, like, I love them because you could do whatever I want.

[1331] So this year, I'm going to do a fucking live podcast at midnight starting November 2nd for three hours.

[1332] Then I'm going to go on Reddit.

[1333] And I'm going to answer everyone's question, same style, with, like, hundreds of my friends, actors, fucking famous people, porn stars, everything.

[1334] For 14 hours straight, then I'm going to fucking have a live event where my band plays and we're going to fucking have a huge party.

[1335] And then at midnight, I'm going to fucking, or close to midnight, like at 9, I'll do another three -hour live podcast and then I'm going to give this fucking money to somebody.

[1336] So 24 hours straight, no sleeping.

[1337] being I'm going to need Red Bull or some shit that day.

[1338] You should come by.

[1339] Yeah, what day is it going to be?

[1340] November 2nd.

[1341] I'm going to be, we'll talk.

[1342] Yeah, okay.

[1343] I might be able to do that.

[1344] Yeah, come by for like an hour or something.

[1345] That sounds crazy.

[1346] Yeah, it'll be fun.

[1347] It sounds like chaos.

[1348] Yeah, I'm like, I'll answer anyone's question.

[1349] You know, like on the Reddit thing, they ask like crazy questions and then like, if you ignore them, they just upvote it.

[1350] So it's like the number one question or something.

[1351] Right, right, right.

[1352] I don't know.

[1353] It's, it's.

[1354] But once again, don't have to do it, like the pain, like the torture.

[1355] But you enjoy all the chaos.

[1356] You definitely enjoy chaos.

[1357] I live in it.

[1358] I live in a tiny little place.

[1359] I think that's why you live in a tiny little place.

[1360] You didn't move to some suburban neighborhood in Beverly Hills and set up shop and some nice, you know, have a manicured lawn.

[1361] You live like a crazy person.

[1362] It's manufactured misery.

[1363] You know the whole.

[1364] But it's not miserable.

[1365] You're not miserable.

[1366] It's miserable.

[1367] In what way?

[1368] It smells so bad in there.

[1369] There's cockroaches, ants.

[1370] But why?

[1371] why do that then because you know you and me could talk about like oh you should eat kale and this and that but it's like I know at the end of the day what I'm really going to do and so if I sit here and go hey Dave forget all this fucking bullshit you've talked up until now your podcast TV bullshit you're an artist okay so let's talk real talk about you being an artist right how much have you actually painted in the last 10 years not that much okay let's look at your entire life when have you painted the most when I was in jail in Japan when I was in a cold, miserable place in China with no internet, no cell service.

[1372] So the combining factors of all these places is that it was always cold, no internet, and no cell service, and no one else around.

[1373] So isolation, cold, and miserable.

[1374] And just that's what it takes now because I am an easily distracted, addictive person.

[1375] So I can't, and I do have a lot of options for pussy that I never had before.

[1376] I do have all these things.

[1377] and it's why do Joe's crosshatching of a werewolf with like that takes a long time and I have it in my head oh man I want to paint this thing there's going to be a million little people and they get this crazy tripped out idea it's going to take me like a week to draw that the way I want to draw it and then there's a playboy model that wants to suck my left ball and a penthouse model that wants to set my right ball and I'm like hmm tough decision it's like wait that's what you know drawing my whole life was the only thing that brought me attention and now I have everyone's attention so let me fuck the whole world but isn't it like it's like you know so but isn't it it's you were talking earlier about your favorite thing is to create I do but there's a self -destructive thing that distracts you and makes you just want to chase pussy let me backtrack let me backtrack my favorite thing is creating and pussy so and let me just ask you this Joe because because you're in it you're a comedian like like the whole like is the great art always come from misery it's like Jim Carrey Eddie Merck like do you have to be miserable no you don't I believe you can make really good art if you're well adjusted and you're happy and whatever but I'm talking about the great shit that transcends time and whatever those people are suicidal miserable fucks and then speaking just for me because I know my best stuff always came from rejection, hatred, getting dumped, living in miserable conditions.

[1378] There's nothing about living in a 20 -story, like, or 20 -bedroom fucking mansion in Beverly Hills with pools and Playboy models hanging around.

[1379] That makes me want to create.

[1380] Yeah, but you're creating while you're getting your ball sucked by Playboy Playmates and Penn. It's still the most amazing paradise ever.

[1381] You're staying in sweets in Vegas and banging $10 ,000 hookers.

[1382] You're talking girls into fucking you that never would.

[1383] Sex workers.

[1384] Sex workers, sorry.

[1385] I didn't say whore, at least.

[1386] I'm not trying to change your opinion, but what I'm trying to say is you love a lot of different things, but you definitely have a self -destructive streak.

[1387] But I don't, when I was a kid and I was doing stand -up, when I first started doing stand -up, one of the things that I thought is, man, I don't ever want to get enlightened.

[1388] Right.

[1389] Because if I get enlightened, it's going to fuck up my comedy.

[1390] Oh, right.

[1391] Because my comedy was always, my favorite comedy was always like Sam Kinnison and Richard Pryor, troubled people, dirty people.

[1392] And I was always thinking, like, man, you can never, like, achieve a certain amount of enlightenment because then you'll never be able to do, like, the great comedy.

[1393] But I don't, I think that's a trap.

[1394] Well, check this out.

[1395] Like, I'm at my, I'm at my warehouse where in the wintertime, it's freezing, and I'll be painting.

[1396] And I remember thinking, like, wow, it's two in the morning.

[1397] I'm miserable.

[1398] Oh, wow.

[1399] I have a heated fireplace.

[1400] A woman just playing with their vagina waiting for me to go in there in a beautiful house in Beverly Hills.

[1401] Oh, I'm going to call it quits for tonight.

[1402] Now I'm there again, still painting.

[1403] And I'm like, wow, it's two in the morning.

[1404] I'm miserable.

[1405] And guess what?

[1406] My house in Koreatown, still miserable.

[1407] I'm just going to keep painting, you know?

[1408] So to know that that comfort, like I say it all the time, comfort is the killer of creativity.

[1409] Like to know that that's there.

[1410] Like, it's not that I can't paint something good.

[1411] Like something good is still being painted, but it's not going to have the level of intensity of like, it, you know.

[1412] Of you being completely miserable.

[1413] Yeah.

[1414] And also said exactly the thing.

[1415] the same thing you said right now she's like people try to make me feel bad for being a porn star she's like i love fucking i love sex and then i've offered her i was like you know because we have dark spots in our past like i think like there's a huge age gap where i don't remember where i'm like is that why i'm so fucked up did i get raped or molested or whatever and she has the same thing so i i go do lots of uh rich white people kind of enlightening you know wellness camps and shit like that where i'm always the only asian guy and the youngest guy there and i said to her I was like, hey, if you ever want to do that stuff, I'll, you know, I'll pay for your therapy and this and that.

[1416] And she's like, I don't want to go and then learn something and become enlightened and then find out that I actually hate myself and hate porn.

[1417] So she's enjoying her life right now.

[1418] Well, people are very adaptive, man. Right.

[1419] We're very malleable and we change to our environments.

[1420] And you can, you can become comfortable and happy in a lot of different weird circumstances.

[1421] And if you find a good state, a lot of times people are like, this is, I'm good.

[1422] I don't need no enlightenment.

[1423] I don't need no consciousness expanding.

[1424] I'm good right here.

[1425] well i'll tell you right now like i'm this this a lot of people is like really disappoint my friends and people close to me like they're like oh so sad and they're i only fuck hookers now like i don't like i've given up like i don't even want to say giving up because i am adaptive and this could what i'm telling you right now could change tomorrow but as of right now i am working on animation tv shows my podcast painting working on my next book it's like there's no time in there for a real relationship for kids I can afford like when you say why don't you just buy the best trainer the best nutritionist I go guess what I'm paying for the best pussy and like oh well you gotta pay for it I go yeah I'm rich yeah but they don't love you I go you could have fooled me the way these women suck my dick like the woman who the woman who sucks my dick like that's in love with me that wants to have my children like you when you give a woman fucking $2 ,000 and she needs it and she knows if she sucks it really good that there's $2 ,000 coming the next week she's sucking it like she's in love with you like that dick is like her lifeline and it feels pretty good and guess what and you've heard this before you're not paying them for that you're paying them to leave so I get my dick sucked amazingly like the chick is in her honeymoon phase like the fucking veins on my dick are like a lifeline UV into her system then she leaves and I spend all night writing drawing creating there's no like you're up all night you didn't call you didn't check in You need to take me out And I'm like I am fucking creating so much right now Still fulfilling my My disgusting sexual needs And then at the end of the night I cap it off with another blowjob From a different trick It's like I'm sorry if that upsets you If you're like Oh well it And it's the women They get upset They go I don't see anything wrong With what you're doing This is why First of all It's absolutely voluntary Everybody's voluntary No one's doing anything Against their will They want the money You want to get your dick sucked It's an awesome exchange.

[1426] You know, I have a real problem with prostitution being illegal.

[1427] And this is coming from a guy who has daughters.

[1428] Right.

[1429] And I don't want my daughters to be prostitutes.

[1430] I also don't want them working at fucking Denny's.

[1431] I don't want them working as garbage people.

[1432] Well, like I said, the women I'm fucking aren't like, I mean, they're...

[1433] Sex workers.

[1434] They're not like hookers I find on the street or like I go online.

[1435] They're just people I know that I've offered them money.

[1436] Oh, so that you've, like, created hookers.

[1437] I created them.

[1438] Wow.

[1439] So they only work for you.

[1440] Well, who knows?

[1441] Sort of.

[1442] Maybe.

[1443] Who knows?

[1444] Maybe I lit something up inside them.

[1445] That's a great gig, though.

[1446] If you, I mean, look, there's a friend.

[1447] Like, I'm paying you money to get away from me. Yeah.

[1448] I really like you, you know?

[1449] It's not just like, where's the money?

[1450] And looking at the clock, it's like, I like you.

[1451] We had a good time.

[1452] Use this money.

[1453] Go to real estate school or, like, whatever you're going to do.

[1454] But I need my time now.

[1455] That's what I'm paying for.

[1456] As a rich guy, I value my time.

[1457] And that's why when you said earlier, what's the most you ever paid?

[1458] It's like when I do fall in love and catch feelings, the worst SDD you can catch.

[1459] It's like, it's like, oh, fuck, I just wasted three months with a bitch that just fucked with my shit and like is like trying to like play games with me and fuck me over.

[1460] And it can happen, right?

[1461] Yeah.

[1462] It can happen.

[1463] It can really happen and it can really fuck you up.

[1464] If you get involved with someone who's manipulative who wants to control you.

[1465] And I live in L .A., dude.

[1466] I live in L .A., you know.

[1467] And you've got money.

[1468] So you're a target.

[1469] Look, Joe, I feel like a catch.

[1470] I feel like I'm a soldier.

[1471] and I'm like in a war and I'm like Chris Rock has this joke right he's like you don't want to be the first anything you don't want to be the first black president you don't want to be the first black baseball player he's like I'm butchering his joke right now but he's like do you want to be Jackie Robinson nigger nigger this or you want to be Dale Darry strawberry coke blonde horrors like you know it's like so like when I'm sitting here going hmm who is the only Asian guy that fuck the white chick on TV it's like one guy Stephen Yun and it's like we're like sort of the first everything you know so it's a little bit of little bit stressful.

[1472] I'd rather be, I'd rather, like, I'd rather be like 10 other weird, wacky Asian guys and then like, you know, and Jackie Chan doesn't count.

[1473] I'd rather be like number 10 or 20 down the list, you know?

[1474] Like, I don't want to be the guy in the forefront, but guess what?

[1475] I'm not complaining.

[1476] Well, I am complaining, but I'm here.

[1477] I'm going to do my job and I'm going to do it as best I can, you know?

[1478] If I had an armchair psychoanalyze you, I would say that you spend a lot of time conflicting with other people's expectations and opinions of you.

[1479] Very conflicted.

[1480] But why?

[1481] Because you seem so free when you do your own thing.

[1482] Now this is the question.

[1483] Is part of what makes you enjoy your life, the fact that you reject these other people's expectations and there are definitions of you and you get to live free on your own end?

[1484] You're proving that you're successful.

[1485] You're creating great art. You're having fun.

[1486] Your podcast is well received.

[1487] You're getting all this attention.

[1488] You're David motherfucking Cho.

[1489] Right.

[1490] On top of the fact that all these people want you.

[1491] Your dad's calling you.

[1492] You're embarrassing our country.

[1493] You're fucking everything up.

[1494] Girls are mad at you.

[1495] You're only fucking hookers.

[1496] You're a piece of shit.

[1497] And meanwhile, you're creating all this great art and you're living in chaos and squalor.

[1498] I'm George Costanza.

[1499] I'm the guy.

[1500] You're not that guy.

[1501] I'm the guy that takes...

[1502] You're David fucking Cho.

[1503] I this is you're gonna laugh so recently I was having sex with this girl that has a lot of lines on her hands like lines like not wrinkles but a lot of these lines so I said hey that like like a lot like hundreds of unusual so I said hey you've ever been to a palm reader so she said no so I said let's go to palm reader so we went to the palm reader and I was like fuck I'll get my palm red too and she she goes what are you I go I'm left handed she goes let me see her right hand first and so I flipped my hand over and she goes wow very enlightened internally inside like not much bothers you very evolved like and I go okay and she goes flip over your left hand she's like whoa externally you fucking complain about everything and you whine and you bitch and your mouth is very blunt and you get in a lot a lot of trouble and it's like I didn't grow up around Koreans I grew up around Jews so that whole like Larry David humor like the whole Woody Allen shit that's what I grew up around so yeah I can sit here and like fucking complain about everything, but at the end of the day, you're right.

[1504] And it doesn't, it doesn't fucking bother me. I am very free.

[1505] I can just in one second say, fuck this podcast and just quit it.

[1506] Like, what I'm saying is I think part of what makes you happy is this battle.

[1507] Definitely.

[1508] Well, that's just being Korean.

[1509] I mean, there's nothing I could do about that.

[1510] Really?

[1511] Yeah.

[1512] Being Korean makes you want to fight against things.

[1513] I talked to Bourdain about this on the show.

[1514] It's like, they probably have it in every culture, their own version of it.

[1515] But in Korean, it's called Han.

[1516] And it's like it's like genetic it's like you're just like I have a friend who has adopted a Korean son and he has his own kid and he goes my normal kid is just you know because he's rich he's like he all my kids have everything they could ever want but this Korean one he just wakes up with a scowl on his face every morning I go yeah welcome to fucking Korea dude like it's like you're just like David Chang he's he's one of my best friends he's like my twin brother and he he he does like with cooking what I do with art like just fucking goes at it and he's very successful he's like on the cover of time and all these magazines and the best chef in the world and all the shit and when i hang out with them i mean he makes me look like he's it's just piss and vinegar like fucking i go why are you so angry i sound like you talking to me right now and he's like come on dame it's like all the kimchi in our blood or whatever but it's Korea's a small island or it's not island it's a small country that's been invaded by japanese and fucking and Chinese and everyone's always trying to take over Korea.

[1517] So it's like almost like a evolution, like built -in hate system of just being born like...

[1518] Right.

[1519] And hard workers, man. Hard workers.

[1520] It's like, I don't know.

[1521] There's a lot of similarities between Jews and Koreans, I think, on that end.

[1522] You know, I grew up with a lot of Koreans.

[1523] Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about.

[1524] My Taekwondo environment.

[1525] You know what I'm talking about right now.

[1526] I mean, I was around Koreans constantly.

[1527] They're loud, you know.

[1528] The other thing about him is, I've never met more people, like, as a group that are more dedicated to hard work.

[1529] And, like, if you don't work hard, if you're not miserable from working hard all the time, you feel like a piece of shit.

[1530] Right.

[1531] Like, I had a friend, he was on the national, my friend Junkn Sick, Junker Chang.

[1532] Yeah.

[1533] He was, he was a national Taekwondo champion.

[1534] And at the same time, he was going through his fucking residency, medical residency.

[1535] So this guy was always tired.

[1536] This is how I would see him, like this, always tired.

[1537] He would just fucking work out really hard, and then be exhausted.

[1538] He would be at school, and he was training, so he would, like, be studying all day, and then he would run upstairs.

[1539] He run up the flights of stairs at the university.

[1540] Right.

[1541] He was constantly tired, constantly miserable.

[1542] But he felt like if he didn't live like that, he couldn't be happy.

[1543] That's in me. That's in my blood.

[1544] And so let me take it straight down to comedy, and let me get racist for a second.

[1545] I mean, people ask, I'm sure they ask you, who's your favorite comedian?

[1546] I'm like, okay, forget.

[1547] specifics.

[1548] Who's your favorite comedian?

[1549] Blacks, Jews and Koreans.

[1550] What Koreans?

[1551] What Koreans?

[1552] Well it's like Bobby Lee like okay so if I take it just to Asians there's not like Chinese comedian, I mean there are but there's no Japanese big it's like all the big funny comedians that are successful in America are Bobby Lee, Dr. Ken Jong like they're all Korean you know but I think it's like this is a simulation yeah why not they're Japanese big comedians i mean i can't think of one right now or why aren't they're huge chinese and why are why are there's so many jewish comedians this just in here long persecution this torment part of the culture this why is howard stern miserable why is jerry seinfeld miserable why is larry david miserable they're so rich right you have nothing to complain about you're a billionaire you have why and that's like sort of like what you're asking me right now i don't know why i'm so angry it's just there but it's like it's just like i don't know how to define like i don't know why jews are so funny i don't know why koreans are so funny i don't know why blacks are so funny but what do they have in common persecution persecution misery and don't you think though that like as japanese and chinese like as generations go on they become more assimilated especially because of the internet you're going to see more and more chinese comedians more japanese comedians do things along those lines don't you think like as they become more entrenched in the art form yeah maybe who knows i don't know do you do Dude, you could be a comic, and I'm not bullshitting.

[1553] You laugh about that.

[1554] No, I love it.

[1555] I called you after I saw that video.

[1556] I'm like, dude, that shit is really funny.

[1557] Thanks, Joe.

[1558] I appreciate it.

[1559] That's your first time on stage.

[1560] Were those notes that you had on a table, like your shit you wanted to talk about?

[1561] My whole thing is always, you know, for me, that's horrifying because, you know, in the same way, comedy is solitary.

[1562] You're not up there with anyone unless you're like some other's brothers and you're a comedy duo or something.

[1563] But it's like, I didn't want to have an act.

[1564] Like when I come here Like it's like I was like I just want to make everyone sure That I'm actually giving this away this money And that's all I'm like And then everything else I'm like We'll just riff You know right right It's like you can just You know I had so I was like I want to go up there with no act And then like I started like writing stuff down But it's whenever I write stuff It just ends up being like Dicks Yeah he's been drawing The whole time we've been on this podcast I'm cross hatching the balls There's a dick With comm squirting out of it This is the whole time He's been on this podcast He's been drawing So I'm gonna auction that piece off, ladies and gentlemen for charity.

[1565] If you see the, uh, the close -up of me doing the comedy special and it looks like I wrote some flashcards, they're all just drawings of dicks, like on their side, like, it's just.

[1566] So that's all that that was?

[1567] Yeah.

[1568] And so I'm like, I'm like, when I see the black guys, um, on, on the corner, like hit on every single girl, they're like, hey, what's up?

[1569] And I'm like, dude, does that really work?

[1570] And they're like, no, but the one time it works out of 100, it's worth it, you know?

[1571] Right.

[1572] So when I was, you know, thinking about doing stand -up or whatever, I'm like, okay, so if I get, if I bomb like the worst, like, boo, you suck and they throw oranges or I don't know what they throw or tomatoes.

[1573] Tomatoes.

[1574] Do they really do that?

[1575] I don't know.

[1576] I heard.

[1577] It's like, okay, so what?

[1578] Like, A, I already like pain.

[1579] Like that, you know, it's like win -win for me. If I'm humiliated, I'm like, oh, I tried it.

[1580] I sucked.

[1581] So I just was like, fuck it.

[1582] I'm going to go for it.

[1583] And I was like, I don't want to act.

[1584] I know I'm talking to college student.

[1585] I'll try to like stay on college topics and how it's dumb it is but um yeah who did that with you what it was just you yeah it was just me and who organized that show um so i get asked to colleges to talk about like art and whatever right and i and i never do it i used to do it a long time ago and then it's like you know someone's like david's very like almost like motivational tony robin's kind of speaking kind of shit and i was like like some tom voo shit be like man you make the money and i was like um you know because i know how to make money right if if you stripped away everything took all my money i could go out and figure out how to make money again like it's it's not like i'm very confident with that so i you know when they approached me they were like hey we would like to speak you know you like to speak at ucla it's very prestigious bill clinton dave chapelle michael more all these people did and i was like well what do you want me to do and they're like talk about whatever you want i go well then i'm going to try stand up and they're like oh we didn't know you're comedian i go i'm not and they go uh this is awkward and i go well i what do you mean like you're gonna tell jokes and stuff i was like yeah sure and they're like um yeah all right cool so and you wore a nice red suit yeah and since i did that i did it five more times and it's like it's so fun i can't did you do it in hawaii with bobby lee i did it in hawai he that fucking asshole so he's like before before the show he's like david i get it you're like a you're like weird war hall like artsy fucking faggy dude i get it but you don't speak the language of comedy you don't speak the like i need a real i need a real opener dave not not you and my fucking brother touching each other's like i need a open you don't i need the audience to get ready for when i get on stage like i don't want you up there doing some weird artsy fucking fake rape shit or whatever like i need a real comedian and i go fuck you dude fuck you're such a piece of shit and um and he goes and you know it was last minute he couldn't find anyone and i said hey hey fuck face guess what i've seen your stand up 10 times i have your act memorized i'm going to do your exact act before you got to go what the fuck are you going to do about it and his face changes he goes because i thought he thought that's me being delusional i thought he thought it would be funny he's like don't do that dave i go he goes that's like me going to your like if i had an art show or if you had an art show and i had like the counterfeit of that right next door i'm like cool, then I would just paint something else.

[1586] Like, you as a real comedian, if I just sabotage your whole act, should be able to go up there and talk about weird Hawaiian shit or like anything, you know, because he's funny enough.

[1587] And that's me being a weird guy, like trying to push him.

[1588] And he's like, please don't do that.

[1589] And I'm like, I'm not going to do that, you asshole.

[1590] So I go up and he's just like, can you do it?

[1591] Can you do 10 minutes?

[1592] I'm like, dude, I did two hours at UCLA without fucking any notes or anything, like just, and they had to kick me off the stage.

[1593] I could have gone four hours.

[1594] And I hear those like Chappelle and those guys do like the 14 hour Those are never good Yeah Yeah so I go up there And I and it's me And I did like a smother's brother's Comedy routine with his brother Like we just rift off each other And all the weird shit that happened Just on the flight to Hawaii And so we're just killing And he's on the side of the stage And he's like it was like a movie He's like get him off the stage They're fucking killing I don't want to follow that And I was like yes He didn't want to follow it?

[1595] He didn't want to follow us If you're listening right now Bobby Fuck you motherfucker Wow Fucking killed your ass You little bitch Bob Bobby, Bobby, but Bobby killed after us.

[1596] He's the fucking, I love him.

[1597] He's, he's just fucking, that's what I'm talking about.

[1598] He goes for it, you know.

[1599] Yeah, Bobby Lee's a real deal.

[1600] Yeah.

[1601] He's really crazy.

[1602] The first time I met Bobby, I met Bobby, fuck, it was like the 90s.

[1603] And Bobby was in San Diego, he wasn't on Mad TV, he wasn't doing anything back then.

[1604] He was just doing stand -up at the Comedy Store in La Jolla.

[1605] Yeah.

[1606] This is probably like, shit, 95 or something?

[1607] Right.

[1608] 96 maybe, I don't know, a long time ago.

[1609] And it was a bunch of comics, we went to a strip club, and there was these Mexican gangbangers of the strip club.

[1610] One of them had long hair and tattoos on his face.

[1611] Right.

[1612] This is the 90s.

[1613] He had tattooed tears on his face.

[1614] Right.

[1615] And he had eyes.

[1616] Like, he had these eyes.

[1617] He looked in them, you knew this motherfucker had seen some shit.

[1618] Right.

[1619] I don't know if he'd kill people.

[1620] Right.

[1621] I don't know.

[1622] I don't know what.

[1623] I mean, I'm just guessing.

[1624] But if I had a guess, fuck yeah, he's killed people.

[1625] Right.

[1626] And Bobby, somehow or another, insulted him by talking to his, girl like there was a girl that like maybe was his girlfriend right who was a dancer there and bobby talked to the girl yeah and the guy stood up and bobby was like fuck these bitches they don't know shit you know like and i and i was like you're gonna get me killed right i go you either we're leaving right now you coming with me or i'm fucking leaving you here right and me and i think it was jimmy schubert was meant to me we ran outside and jumped in my car at a toyota supra right we jumped in my fucking car and bobby like barely made it in time to get into the back seat and we fucking took off.

[1627] I love that shit.

[1628] I'm like, we're gonna get shot.

[1629] Like, I know the look of people that will shoot you.

[1630] And that guy will fucking shoot you.

[1631] I'm pretty sure.

[1632] But he, in a similar way, he has that, this weird Korean energy and like a real artist, like a real self, like he says, self -destructive, Super self -destructive.

[1633] He told some stories on the podcast about going down to Mexico in the middle of like filming mad TV.

[1634] Right.

[1635] He would leave the set, go down to Mexico, do drugs, he was carrying a fucking kitchen knife.

[1636] Right.

[1637] Get hookers.

[1638] Yeah.

[1639] Come back.

[1640] gacked out of his fucking mind holding on to the knife just completely wired to the gills like at mad tv with a giant knife on him he's just so fucking crazy yeah but yeah the same kind of like the rebellion against this ultra suppressive childhood yeah for sure but that's you david show don't ever get rid of that suck my fart song all right we got to get out of here this this this contest dvdaa .com joe thank you that's where i thank you man thank you thank you always good time my brother I'm glad we got to talk about this And talk about the controversy In a way where people I think they'll understand you now Better Well look I like going on Stern I like going on your show I like I like talk Like it's sort of hard to talk to people that don't Like they're like shut the fuck up Right you know and it's like I know you would understand you know And like thank you for calling me And that meant a lot to me And yeah I appreciate it DVDSA .com it's back It's back There's about 70 episodes to get you Broadcasting from an insane asylum This book that no one wanted to put out That's pretty much almost sold out There's, if you want to get it, it's at David Show .com And this money, I'm giving it The contest ends on Halloween But I'm going to give it away On November 2nd during our whole Fuck Fest during that thing And yeah Listen man, I hope you kick diabetes I hope you get healthy But don't change, don't change I'm not going to change.

[1641] Fuck the haters Fuck the haters David Cho ladies and gentlemen Literally good night everybody Big kiss Thank you