#309 - Adam Hunter

[0] The Joe Rogan experience.

[1] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[2] Powerful Adam Hunter.

[3] Welcome to the podcast, sir.

[4] It's good to be here.

[5] Good to be here with you as well, my friend.

[6] And Brian Redband always.

[7] What's up, buddy?

[8] How are you?

[9] I'm doing great, man. This is like one of the highlights of my whole career, dude.

[10] I'm not even kidding.

[11] That's ridiculous, but thank you.

[12] I'm honored, and it's ridiculous at the same time.

[13] Yeah.

[14] Adam was a really funny stand -up comedian and a big MMA fan and he said something really funny on Twitter.

[15] You said it on Twitter, right?

[16] Yeah, I said it on Twitter.

[17] And I read it on the air and got in a bit of trouble.

[18] I said that you want to say it?

[19] You said that Martin Kampman comes from behind more than Lance Bass.

[20] Yes.

[21] And then.

[22] I said, you know, this is a distasteful joke, and then I said it anyway.

[23] No, it was great.

[24] You gave me credit for it.

[25] And then there was a moment of just awkwardness.

[26] Yeah, where my Goldberg looked at you, and he's like, and it was the greatest fucking television.

[27] Dude, I was on a cruise.

[28] I'm on a cruise.

[29] I don't get internet.

[30] I can't watch the fights.

[31] I'm depressed.

[32] I'm, like, working on a ship.

[33] They can't, I'm trying.

[34] I can't get nothing.

[35] No, no TVs.

[36] And then all of a sudden, I get a text.

[37] My phone was on.

[38] It was like, dude, Rogan just blew you up on Twitter.

[39] Dude, Rogan just see you come from behind joke.

[40] And I'm like, I don't know who won the fight, and now this fucking happened.

[41] I'm like, fucking, I'm like, dude.

[42] And I'm like, thank you, bro.

[43] You don't have no idea how much that meant.

[44] It was fucking, it was awesome.

[45] People said to me that that's like, oh, like, I've heard criticism.

[46] Like, that's not even that funny.

[47] That's hacky.

[48] That is hilarious.

[49] Yeah.

[50] And if you know who Martin Campman is and you know, like, Martin Campman has had some amazing come from behind victories.

[51] So to say that he comes from behind more than Lance Bass, I thought that was so funny, man. Oh, thank you.

[52] But I probably shouldn't have said it on the air.

[53] No, it was, well, first of all, they have sons of anarchy on the air on that network.

[54] I mean, this shows.

[55] Yeah.

[56] Well, people are silly.

[57] I mean, I don't think they care.

[58] It's just a joke.

[59] And if you do care, come on.

[60] You just watch the guy get his fucking face beating in.

[61] It makes people feel any better.

[62] You could have said Anderson Cooper.

[63] It would have been just, you know.

[64] Yeah.

[65] That would have probably been better.

[66] But I don't even understand what the, what the, what the.

[67] It would have been better because it feels like you're picking on Lance Bass.

[68] whereas Anderson Cooper feels like he can defend himself.

[69] Dude, people, I went on one of those, like, forums on the underground, right?

[70] People had, like, pictures of Lance Bass, and that says, we got your back, bro.

[71] I was like, dude, that is the funniest fucking thing.

[72] And then people were arguing for like 30 pages, 30 pages of threats back and forth on why someone's like, the only thing that's offensive as a gay man is that Lance Bass, assuming that he comes from behind, that guy's a bottom.

[73] Like people were like Well it's not offensive It's not I mean what is wrong with coming Doesn't everybody want to come Is that why people are having sex Will they just want to just like try it real quick And then stop Dude and then someone wrote This is how the Holocaust started And I was like Well that's just someone trolling That's just someone trolling It's like what are people But I was like It was unbelievable I would tell that joke to everybody I tell everybody that joke It's a funny fucking joke man. Dude, and it's funny, because I started the MMA Roasted, like, about a year ago.

[74] And, like, literally, my page has, like, 5 ,000 followers.

[75] M .M .A. Roasted has 18, 6 ,000, 17 ,000 followers.

[76] Like, it blew up, because people just are, like, people seem to love it, you know, because I try to do it in a way where it's not disrespectful, but you're still making someone laugh.

[77] Yeah, you walk a fine line.

[78] You're making fun of Train Killers.

[79] I know.

[80] Like, that's your Twitter.

[81] Your Twitter page is all goofing on Train Killers.

[82] Absolutely.

[83] But, like, but they need to laugh, too.

[84] Because, like, if everyone, you know, why should, they should be, you know, like, at me, when you make fun of someone, I'm trying to do it in a way where it's like I'm roasting them.

[85] Like, I obviously respect that person.

[86] And it's trying to make you laugh.

[87] Dude, dude, the fucking pages of shit that you showed me that you have on each fighter.

[88] I have 50 pages of jokes about each fight.

[89] And like, but it's like, you know, it's cool that I see.

[90] I saw them.

[91] It's ridiculous.

[92] You have so many.

[93] And they're really good ones, man. You got a bunch of really good ones in there.

[94] Oh, thanks, man. One of my favorite one was that was Stephen Seagal said he wants to fight Randy Coutor.

[95] but no witnesses just like his last 20 films it was like and then I like one of them I wrote one of them like because I'll write something and all of a sudden I'll get 800 retweets and I'm like like the only person who gets screwed from Jersey more than Frankie Edgar is a snooky like just and then people will just be like bah blah blah I'm like holy shit it became this fucking like the other night I wrote if I leave any fighters out and you want me to roast you please do and all of a sudden all these fighters John Dodson's like roast me man I'm short well and then Mike Pyle's like what am I too good to be fucking roasted it like all these pros were like I was like holy shit and then like 50 people started roasting those people well a lot of guys have a sense of humor yeah you know for the most part like Mike Pyle is a great sense of humor I think that it's uh you know for some dudes though they're like who the fuck is this guy man why's talking shit on me I do get a little nervous I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie I get a little nervous when you goof on people man they get mad they don't like it Yeah, well, some do get mad, but, you know, I try to do it in a way where it's, like, respectful.

[96] I don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings, you know.

[97] Yeah.

[98] At the same time, I try to do it in a way where, like, you know, like, hey, we're just, I don't know, I'm trying to make them laugh, you know.

[99] It's hard, though, if, like, someone's following me, and then they lose, and I want to make a joke, and I'm like, oh, shit, I don't want them to see it.

[100] I'm just like.

[101] Like, what would you do if Frank Trigg was in the room?

[102] Would you tell that the Frank Trigg joke?

[103] Oh, Frank Trick came to my show, actually.

[104] I don't know but I think he started to follow me after those jokes I was like yeah I said no but what I tell it to him probably I probably show it to him I would show it to him I would try to gauge his reaction on whether or not he's laughing or not and then base my reaction on what he's gonna laugh people like what we talked about the joke before the show oh about what is I don't even know I said I said Frank Frank Rick beat his wife so bad the Bob sap topped out and then I started making fun of Sapp the other day and Sapp started following me and then followers started making, and then I felt bad because followers were making fun of him and I was like, so then I started defending him and then Bob Sack goes, it's all cool, it's like whenever we all toast when we roast Bob Saps I'm like, great.

[105] Wow.

[106] Bob Sap at one point in time was one of the scariest human beings on Earth.

[107] There was a run that he had when he beat Ernesto Huss twice.

[108] Dude he beat Ernesto fucking Hust.

[109] Yeah, who at the time was like kickboxing man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[110] That was crazy.

[111] And he did it just with power, just sheer Hulk strength.

[112] Yeah, no, Bob Sap was a beast.

[113] I mean, like his nickname.

[114] Dude, that one, there's two fights that he had.

[115] Have you ever seen these, Brian?

[116] Have you ever seen it?

[117] You should pull these up.

[118] Bob Sap versus Ernesto Hoost.

[119] Because if people haven't seen this fight, you really don't understand how big Bob Sap was.

[120] Because he doesn't even look like a real human.

[121] He doesn't look real.

[122] Yeah, no. It was ridiculous.

[123] Bopsap versus who?

[124] Ernesto Hust.

[125] He was a huge star in Japan after that.

[126] Ernesto Hust is Mr. Perfect, one of the greatest kickboxers of all time.

[127] And he was like incredibly, incredibly technical.

[128] And he would just chop, chop away at you with leg kicks and knock dudes out with head kicks, like set you up with leg kicks and take you out with a head kick.

[129] Very technical, like Dutch Muay.

[130] And Bob Sap just bum rushed him, man. Just 370 pounds with abs.

[131] Look at him.

[132] Look at this video.

[133] Look at the size of him.

[134] Jesus fucking Christ.

[135] That's a human?

[136] Look at the size of Bob Sapp when he was in his prime.

[137] He was gigantic.

[138] He was a character in a movie.

[139] Look, he's getting kicked, and he's just fucking moving forward, wailing on him.

[140] And you're talking about a guy who's just started kickboxing like maybe a year ago.

[141] And he's in there with Ernesto Hoost.

[142] And look at how he's punching.

[143] Look, he's no technique, all heart and muscle.

[144] Just gigante.

[145] Look at the fucking signs of him.

[146] Yeah, he's a legend.

[147] And look at Ernesto, who's just chomping away at those legs, trying to take him out.

[148] And Sapp keeps moving forward.

[149] He's trying to check his legs.

[150] He can't even lift his legs up.

[151] They're so fucking big.

[152] And Ernesto's slowly starting to get to him.

[153] He's tagging him here.

[154] And Bob Sap is still moving forward.

[155] I don't care how much muscle you'll have on you.

[156] Ernesto Hoost is teeing off on your face, son.

[157] Boom, big leg kick.

[158] And Anesto, oh, he drops him with the left.

[159] Left to the body.

[160] Look at the technique.

[161] Beautiful left hook to the body.

[162] Now you've got to think, how the fuck does Bob Sap win this fight?

[163] How the fuck does Bob Sap get up and win this fight?

[164] Keep playing it.

[165] Watch this shit.

[166] It's like a 10 -minute video.

[167] Watch this shit, though.

[168] This is where it gets crazy.

[169] Ernesto Huss is fucking crushing him here.

[170] And Bob Sapp starts moving forward again.

[171] And he's holding on to one with one hand and throws him to the ground.

[172] I mean, this fight is insane.

[173] This dude just got dropped by vicious left hooks to the body just a few seconds ago.

[174] If you wanted to look at, like, a guy who would be, like, a genetic experiment.

[175] how big can a guy get and still fuck other dudes up you can say bob sap right here but it's not for very long you can only do this for a couple of years look he's eating those leg kicks man you gotta go how the fuck is he still there yeah that's insane oh again he gets hit with that left hook to the body Jesus Christ Ernesto Hughes just hit him with like 10 unanswered clean shots to his head And Bob Sap is still there.

[176] He's even thinking about kicking him.

[177] Just go to the end of the fight so we can watch the end of it.

[178] Because in the second round, Bob Sap comes back and stops him.

[179] Yeah, it's amazing.

[180] But just you watch that first round.

[181] You go, how the fuck did that guy get out of that round?

[182] Ernesto Hoos was teeing off on him.

[183] He just kept plotting forward.

[184] And this is the end.

[185] He starts fucking just bombing these hungry, hungry hippo punches on him look at this look at this boom and then the referee comes and stops it that is incredible but you know what I got to think that was a premature stoppage in watching that it's a shame those guys like weren't around like didn't the lot of the guys didn't peak now you know because those guys it's like the first NBA players or the first baseball players there is no shame in bob sap's career and how he came along and when he came along you can't say it's a shame because his the Bob Sapp days were some of the most incredibly exciting fights ever.

[186] His fight, first of all, his fight with Minotaro, there's a reason why that fight was so exciting, and the reason was Bob Sap.

[187] I mean, Minotaro was an amazing fighter.

[188] No doubt about it, but watching Minotaro dismantle regular fighters was one thing, but the fact that he was going to take on this superhuman was a completely different entity.

[189] And obviously, it was important that it was Minotaro, because Minotaro had such great jujitsu he could handle a big dude like that and roll with all the shots and then get to a point and finally submit him which he did but you got to realize that the bob sap factor in that fight was the reason why it was so exciting it was like this this fucking giant freak this guy that's like 370 pounds like with a giant six pack and he's picking you up and slamming you on your head he slammed him in a minotaro down on his head like wrestling style those fights, his fights with Ernesto Hust the kickboxing fights that he had, those are some of the greatest fights to watch ever.

[190] Agreed.

[191] Just ridiculously entertaining.

[192] So I don't think this, you can never say, it's a shame Bob Sapp didn't come along, you know, because when he was around, like I said, you can only stay that big for a few years.

[193] But what he did was just fucking crazy.

[194] You can't say that guy doesn't have any heart either.

[195] You got to look at that beating that he took with you know he's just not willing to take beatings anymore yeah like now he just he goes down and I guess he just just doesn't have it in him to like really try to beat the best guys anymore it's sort of just living off his name right it's kind of unfortunate yeah I think so because at one point in time I guess he fucking beat ernesto hoost you know I mean Ernesto hoose was trying to kill him and he he survived and the referee stopped it although I do do agree that it was a I believe that it was a quick stoppage.

[196] I don't think Hus could have absorbed more of those shots.

[197] He was standing straight up.

[198] Right.

[199] You know?

[200] Those kickboxing matches, though.

[201] That's, they're doing this glory.

[202] They had this World Series where they had, they fought four times in a night.

[203] Did you see that shit?

[204] The one recently?

[205] Yeah.

[206] I saw, I read about it.

[207] I didn't see it.

[208] It's pretty badass.

[209] I hope they keep doing it.

[210] Yeah, I know that, what's the name uh crow cop one last weekend yeah yeah crow cop one and then um he had an mma fight right he went by arm bar arm bar yeah he looked good yeah and then tim sylvia lost yeah he fought uh ishi right yep yeah i she looked good yeah i saw that too yeah it's uh it's hard to find uh good fights outside the ufc right now absolutely you know there's um like i think bellator puts on some good fights and it was strike force but now strike force is going away so it's like you got to rely on like dream you know and dream doesn't put on that many shows but they they just had a nice one too did you see that melvin manhoof and dennis kang yeah yeah the first round yeah yeah i love manhoof that was a great knee dude melvin manhoof is a scary guy yeah they're both scary guys kang's very scary he's very good he's he can't dennis kang is one of those guys that if he got it all together put it all together on any given night he could beat any given fighter in the world you know he's one of those guys that like when you when you see him and he's like really on he's fucking sensational you know he's had some really good fights a really good ground game too but he's had you know like some mental lapses and shit and it's fucking hard man it's a crazy sport to try to do that sport for a living and you know have your your sanity dependent on it and then as you get older you start reevaluating your priorities and then you got to kind of rededicate yourself to something and yeah no i i know that from i wrestled in high school and college and it was like my whole life it was wrestling and then when i stopped doing it i was like now what am i going to do you know that happens to a lot of athletes yeah it happens to a lot of people i got really lucky that i found uh stand -up comedy at the exact same time i was uh stopping competing it was basically like or it was pretty organic the shift from one to the other but i had a lot of friends that they just would nothing seemed as real and as as fun as competition yeah you know I have friends that would jujitsu competition is that way to them you know for some it was the you know the karate tournaments of kickboxing or whatever it is like the thrill of competition even though there's a lot of stress behind it the thrill is like it's really hard to wrap your head around yeah absolutely I mean that it was like the biggest rush and you put so much into it and then you come down from it you're just like oh man you know now what now what yeah luckily I I got had a talk show in college but ended up being sued for 20 million dollars what yeah it was like a talk show in college yeah well because I wrestled in high school that was my whole thing and I went to college and I'm like what am I gonna do I wrestled for SUNY Binghamton I actually got a scholarship wrestle for at Hofstra and I would have run on the same team as Barone and and and once his name and I'm J. Hieronymus J. Heron which would have been insane but I went to Binghamton and I was like after I was done wrestling I was like what am I going to do I want to like you know get something going so I used to prank the local television every Thursday night they'd be like hey yeah because I was cutting weight and I was miserable and they'd have a serious political combination hey you know debate him a dick and then hang up the phone oh my goodness so then I ended up going down to the station got my own television show called these nuts but it ended up your show was called these nuts yeah yeah and I invited this girl up people would call and be like, you suck.

[211] I'm like, oh, blow me. I had nothing to talk about, kind of like now, but I had nothing to actually.

[212] So I was like, this girl came on that everyone hooked up with named Hannah.

[213] Everyone started making fun of her.

[214] She goes back to her dorm.

[215] People start throwing water balloons at her.

[216] And then they cancel all the shows on Binghamton Television.

[217] Because of my...

[218] And she sued me for $20 million for negligence because I didn't stick up for her.

[219] But I didn't ask her to come down.

[220] So then, that was the highlight of my life.

[221] At that point, and I go, I want to be a comedian.

[222] This is...

[223] How do I get back?

[224] to this to have my own talk show wow d's nuts I don't know man I was yes I was 17 I was 17 yeah well I'm glad there's no record of me like that from when I was 17 I would have done some stupid shit if I could have my like my own internet show when I was 17 oh people would play it back today and be like look how douchey you were oh yeah well I'm not that you're any dushy but yeah everybody's dushy when they're 17 absolutely man it's almost impossible to not be It's too confusing And plus we were raised by our parents I've never met a single person Raised by parents That knew what the fuck they were doing Yeah That's true Those bitches were winging it in the 50s My mom Laugh and I was three Whoa Yeah So that was like Why are you bringing me down like this I'm not I'm trying to get you to know where I'm coming from Dude I'm not just the guy making fun of Bob Sapp Okay I'm just fucking with you man Sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry man That's how comedians Talk to each other ladies and gentlemen, okay?

[225] There's no real animosity there.

[226] We'd talk with each other.

[227] I was just trying to make you laugh.

[228] So you lied about your mom?

[229] No, I didn't know.

[230] No, I brought it up.

[231] It is true.

[232] It is true.

[233] I swear to God, you know, but I was trying, I brought it up to make you laugh.

[234] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[235] Not that that that would make you laugh.

[236] How would you figure that that would be like, ha, ha, ha, fucking three -year -old.

[237] The fact that I'm bringing it up to make you laugh would make you laugh.

[238] I don't know.

[239] This is some weird parallel universe.

[240] I haven't talked to my dad since I think I was seven.

[241] really yeah so i know what you're talking about sorry to sorry to hear that it's all right it doesn't bother me anymore i'm sure it did when i was seven yeah well i feel like that when you lose something when you're young like a mom or dad it just that to me that was the inner rage in me at least yeah that's what they say about boys and divorce as well they say that like girls like when parents separate girls get sad and uh boys get angry yeah yeah it drives them if they feel abandoned It drives them to try to succeed at things.

[242] And anything.

[243] And to me, now it's comedy.

[244] Like, that's why I love MMA so much to bring it back was because of wrestling.

[245] Like, to me, it's, to me, MMA is professional wrestling.

[246] Like, not like pro wrestling, you know, the WVB, but like, that's our major leagues.

[247] Right, yeah.

[248] So I always root for those guys.

[249] Right.

[250] But I wouldn't have gotten into wrestling if it wasn't for the rage of, like, my mom leaving.

[251] And then I wouldn't have gotten a comedy if it wasn't for that rage, too.

[252] So now I could bring it all back.

[253] by combining MMA and comedy.

[254] That's funny.

[255] Have you ever done, I mean, you've been doing these roasted videos now?

[256] And if you ever done anything that you wish you pulled back, you ever said something?

[257] Yeah, yeah.

[258] I said, I go, Britney Palmer, more guys that pulled out of 151 than Britney Palmer, right?

[259] And then I think it hurt her feeling because I, like, met her before that, and she was super sweet and kind.

[260] And I kind of, and I kind of, like, burned a bridge there.

[261] Because then I felt bad because I was only, it was only a hearsay that she took, she said in a video, I like fighters.

[262] There's a video of her on YouTube saying, oh, fighters are cute or something, how to pick up Britney Palmer, whatever it is.

[263] So I figured if she's comfortable enough with that, then I could say that.

[264] Well, that's ridiculous.

[265] Listen, man, if you're a girl like Britney Palmer, they do these questionnaire things, and I'm sure they ask her, like, how do you feel about fighters?

[266] She was like, I'm being set up, is the whole UFC outside, right?

[267] I'm going to walk outside.

[268] It's going to be 50 fighters and Britney Palmer.

[269] I would never do that.

[270] And Bruce Buffer and Goldberg.

[271] How dare you?

[272] I would never do that.

[273] Nobody would do that.

[274] Nobody wants to set you up.

[275] Look, I think it's funny.

[276] I love her.

[277] She's a nice kid.

[278] She's, you know.

[279] Yeah.

[280] But she's a girl.

[281] And girls don't like you, dudes making jokes about pulling dicks out of them.

[282] Absolutely.

[283] I understand that.

[284] But there's always got to be a victim in comedy, you know.

[285] I understand.

[286] I'm on your side as well.

[287] I try to make it myself.

[288] Listen, I work with those girls and they're very nice and they're nice to me and we're friends so like I would never crack jokes about them because I love them they're sweet girls but I you know when you say something like that I have to laugh it's funny and I have that you laugh because there's a certain truth in it if I like and that's why you're laughing if I would have said Kim Winslow's more fighters hooked up with than Kim Winslow you would have been like no fighters well you know first of all you're just assuming that she's hooked up with fighters unless you I do know.

[289] I know one.

[290] I know of one.

[291] So I'm not assuming.

[292] But this is, okay, also, it's very womany and gossipy because you, you haven't had conversations with her about this.

[293] No. Like, you and her haven't talked about, like, so this is just you finding out about her dating life online.

[294] Not online, no, from friends of fighters or fighters themselves.

[295] So I'm not like, yes, I understand.

[296] I've just made it worse But I'm not trying to like embarrass the girl But I was going to say but it's funny And that's the problem It's funny And even though it's it's operating on a perceived notion That these attractive girls would make With these attractive guys Oh yeah perceived Let's listen for legal reasons Oh yeah sorry about that man To represent people correctly Yeah I know I got another But my point is it's still funny so it's you gotta say it thank and you know what um and if you're a person that's getting a mugged on like that you have to laugh at the good ones oh right i know i know that's what i like i always like my comedy like i get i'm on a storyteller comedy i tell jokes really quick one line of jokes right twitter is great for me it's like an online focus room you know i get to tell a joke and you get 50 people hundred people at all hours a day it's great yeah you're really like a twitter writer it's like uh it's funny how well styles of comedy are so different You know, like some guys, like Ari Shafir, for example, he writes in like long bits, you know.

[297] He writes like he'll start talking about something and he'll explore a subject and then he'll write like this long bit.

[298] Whereas like, you're like, you're like 150 characters.

[299] You're good.

[300] 130 because you got to get it retweet.

[301] Yeah.

[302] I actually, she figured this out.

[303] Oh, that's so silly.

[304] You got to get a retweet.

[305] You got to stop at 20.

[306] But can't you just hit the retweet button and doesn't I just retweet?

[307] No one sees that.

[308] What's that?

[309] No one sees that really.

[310] It gets cut off or something.

[311] No one sees the actual retweets?

[312] Well, a lot of people have it set so they don't see retweets.

[313] Oh, right, right, right.

[314] Why would you do that?

[315] That's silly.

[316] I find out most of the cool shit from retweets.

[317] Yeah, absolutely.

[318] Someone tells me something, you know, like, if somebody sends me something really interesting and then I retweet it, you know, I'm retweeting it because it's interesting.

[319] I would most.

[320] If you retweet it, the way of putting the RT before it, more people will see it than actually just hitting the retweet.

[321] So I'll start doing that then.

[322] Oh, really got to do that?

[323] It's a lot more work.

[324] Yeah, it is.

[325] Why are you making me work so hard?

[326] A lot more people.

[327] It just worked having to remember that.

[328] And that's not the actual work probably is the fact that I have to remember it, you know?

[329] Yeah, maybe I should use a tweet deck.

[330] What's the best shit to use?

[331] I like tweet bot.

[332] Tweet bot.

[333] Okay.

[334] It's stressful, man. Did you see Alex Jones?

[335] Oh, my God.

[336] Oh, my God.

[337] I tweeted about it.

[338] I tweeted about it at a red light.

[339] Yeah.

[340] Yeah, this is, I guess he was on, who show was this?

[341] Pierce Morgan.

[342] He's trying to get, I'll give you the background before.

[343] He puts Alex Jones, because Pierce Morgan said that we should take our guns, you know, we should no longer, that the Second Amendment no longer applies in today's age, and with all these school shootings and shit, we should figure out a way to control the guns.

[344] Well, Alex said that he's not even an American citizen.

[345] He should be deported for saying such things and challenging our Second Amendment rights.

[346] So, Pierce Morton, like the sly devil that he is, invited Alex to go on his show.

[347] And so Alex went on his show and promptly, promptly lost his fucking mind.

[348] Promptly, completely went off the deep end.

[349] He looks like a chubby madman.

[350] And I love him.

[351] You know, Alex is my brother.

[352] I love that dude.

[353] Every time I go to Austin, I hang out with that guy.

[354] We eat dinner.

[355] I do his radio show.

[356] So we did a cool backstage interview with me and Brian recently.

[357] I fucking love Alex Jones.

[358] And he's right about a lot of shit.

[359] Is that the documents?

[360] But those are the documents.

[361] He's got the documents.

[362] Those are the documents!

[363] Play it, though.

[364] Violence level, but overall mugging, stabbing's deaths, those men raped that woman in India to death with an iron rod four feet long.

[365] You can't ban the iron rods.

[366] The guns, the iron rods pierced didn't do it.

[367] The tyrants did it.

[368] Hitler took the guns.

[369] Stalin took.

[370] took the guns.

[371] Mal took the guns.

[372] Fidel Castro took the guns.

[373] Hugo Chavez took the guns.

[374] And I'm here to tell you, 1776 will commence again if you try to take our firearms.

[375] Doesn't matter how many lemmings you get out there on the street begging for them to have their guns taken.

[376] We will not relinquish them.

[377] Do you understand?

[378] That's why you're going to fail.

[379] And the establishment knows no matter how much propaganda, the Republic will rise again when you attempt to take our guns.

[380] For a family in the Texas, first of all, pause it right here.

[381] Pierce Morgan fucked up He fucked up Pierce what have you done You let Alex Jones on your show You just let Alex Jones go off on your show You think it's going to help him though I mean For sure it'll help him You don't think people are going to look at that And be like this guy's out of his mind For sure there's going to be that as well Did he start mimicking his accent at one point Yes It's like what Howard Dean was running for president member or everybody flipped out and he's like we're going to this and that and that reminds me with that yeah yeah he went crazy and then that was it they're like we're not getting this guy yeah our president that one sound that he made sunk his whole campaign it's kind of the but don't you think that people are looking at the message that this guy's doing is out of control rant lunatic how did Howard d never recover from that Howard do you need to like get your shit together come back he was like strong he was a strong candidate he was like oh he was up there and he's a strong candidate man smart guy governor of Vermont right yep that's a little sketchy how many fucking people of Vermont 20 people up there yeah come on let's be real it's true we're probably gonna get tweets from people in Vermont dude fuck you this way more than 20 people it's amazing up here I know I like skiing okay I went to high school in Maine that was pretty amazing yeah you were talking about that where where'd you go I went to boarding school called the Hyde school it was like for kids who needed alternative yeah like alternative yeah like alternative education it was really good though i mean alternative education what does that mean alternative to regular school which was a problem because yeah because i was i was hanging out with the wrong i was getting bullied a lot and i was hanging out with the wrong kids and i thought if i hung out with the with the tough kids that like then i would be tough but they just kicked my ass made me do horrible things an awful strategy and then i was angry at my stepmom for and you know my dad my dad managed alice cooper in the in the 60s and he he he he he he He had this, he's like a hippie great father, but he was just talking a lot of pot back then.

[382] Whatever, my mom, you know, stepmom, we didn't get along.

[383] Now we do.

[384] But anyway, I sent to boarding school for troubled kids.

[385] Wow.

[386] You couldn't lie, steal, cheat, drink, have sex.

[387] So you were like a bad kid.

[388] You were on your way, not that it was your fault, but.

[389] It was my fault.

[390] I'm not going to take it.

[391] Yeah, I wasn't a bad kid, but I definitely had wrong energies.

[392] I could have been focusing on more positive things in my life.

[393] I think for a lot of kids, life is like a really super complicated puzzle that doesn't have a directions book.

[394] Absolutely.

[395] Where the fuck?

[396] Where am I going?

[397] For most of us, like, by the time we're like, you know, someone's telling you get a job, get out of the house, you got to get a job and, you know, move out on your own.

[398] And you're like, what did you motherfuckers teach me?

[399] Like, you didn't teach me enough life skills to sustain myself?

[400] The worst thing I think he to teach a kid is that adults are always right.

[401] Yeah.

[402] Because you assume that they're older, they're right.

[403] How many dumbasses do you know at our age?

[404] Oh, yeah.

[405] Age doesn't mean anything.

[406] As a matter of fact, there's a lot of people that I used to think they're really smart, but someone along the line, they stop thinking.

[407] I don't know what the fuck happened, but the...

[408] Sometimes I think I'm smart.

[409] A word will come up and I'll be like, what does that mean?

[410] And it's like opens up a whole book of things I don't know.

[411] And I'm just like, oh, Jesus.

[412] I'm like, I got to learn some shit, man. no one can be smart in this day and age you can be reasonably knowledgeable that's the best you could hope for there's just too much information today Joe I feel like you're wired and I'm not trying to like kiss your ass or blow you or anything I feel like you're wired in a way where like you know so much more stuff than like the average Joe like I'll read your Twitter sometimes and I'm like 3 o 'clock in the morning 5 like 12 1 4 and all different subjects and I'm like when and then you're touring and then I'm like when this guy's got two kids when does this fucker sleep like how do I get some of what this guy has you know like you don't you know tweeting doesn't require that much energy I know but you're always like on to some fucking you're like always in some weird island or travel in the world or like at a comedy show or doing it like when does he have time to do jiu jitsu for fucking two hours a day to get a black belt I'm like fuck man you just do it I could do a lot more I'm lazy there's a lot of shit that I could be doing that I'm not doing.

[413] But I like relaxing.

[414] I like playing pool too.

[415] I like doing a lot of shit that's not productive.

[416] But the reason I have energy to do it is because it's all interesting shit.

[417] Like if I'm retweeting something that I read at 2 o 'clock in the morning, it's because it's cool.

[418] Like, it's interesting or it's weird or it's disturbing maybe.

[419] Maybe it's, you know, something I think requires discussion or thought.

[420] I just got to get more interested, I guess.

[421] That's the problem then.

[422] More interested?

[423] Yeah.

[424] Sometimes I'm like, man, I think I would know stuff if I gave a fuck about that.

[425] Yeah.

[426] Well, right now, you know, you and I are in different stages of our life, too, and you're in the stage of your life where you're trying to, you know, make your name as a comic and, you know, you're hustling and trying to put shit together.

[427] You got no time for that nonsense, like, constantly out there trying to fucking...

[428] Oh, hustling, man. Like, I mean, literally, I got back from Nevada, an eight -hour trip yesterday.

[429] I got to a car accident the way back.

[430] I did three fucking 360s into the fucking thing.

[431] Got home and hit to the wall.

[432] Got home.

[433] Wow.

[434] coach wrestling at like three at three o 'clock from my middle school wrestling team I coach with Einstein which is a blast but it's like like the other day in practice it's the inner city school I go hey guys we have practice tomorrow he goes I can't I'm like why is I've court I'm like fucking middle school wrestling team I'm like what is it wow yeah me and uh court already me and Connor Hewn coached together me and Connor Connor was the coach and now I coached up with Einstein Scott Epstein nice which is cool but um and then fucking came here it's like Hustling is like, but I was, I feel like I was always hustling, man. Like, 12 years ago, I was giving out, you know, flyers in the street in Times Square begging people to come to the comedy shows.

[435] And I was in laundromats performing, you know?

[436] And then - Where was that?

[437] Was that out here?

[438] In New York City.

[439] Oh, you said in Times Square?

[440] Yeah.

[441] Was that out here?

[442] Did I really ask that?

[443] That's how much I'm paying attention to you right now.

[444] Thank you, man. Just get it.

[445] Sorry.

[446] It's me. Fuck, man. The, that method of getting people in the comedy club that actually works in New York so many people are walking you know you can like hand them flyers and they'll go fuck it we'll try like people that'll stand out in front of places I used to have it down packed where I'd see tourists look up and I'm like fuck got them like as soon as they look up and like they're looking at wherever got them and then I bring them into the comedy show it'd be me and like the seven other comedians that were giving out flyers so they look up they're looking for something to do yeah and then lying to everyone saying oh comics from MTV VH1 comedy well it's us giving out the fucking flyers you know him laughed.

[447] As soon as you got on stage, you're like, that's the fucker gave me the fucking flyer.

[448] Like, how funny is he?

[449] Then I would walk half the room to the entire room because if I was the dirtiest people were like from Oregon or whatever, except for the two chicks that were hot and I'd get him back to my room and smoke weed and try to bang them.

[450] I remember in the early days of comedy, dudes always had fake credits.

[451] Like they would say, you've seen this guy on MTV's half hour comedy?

[452] No, you hadn't.

[453] He hadn't been on that shit.

[454] But to say that, just saying that, made a bar in Andover, Massachusetts, make them accept it.

[455] Okay.

[456] You guys've been on MTV.

[457] Let's see what he's got.

[458] Exactly.

[459] The one time I was plunging the toilets at New York Comedy Club to get on stage.

[460] And it was like a prom show where after the prom, like they bring the kids to the comedy club.

[461] And all the comics left because the thing was late.

[462] So Ozzy, this guy Ozzy, he goes, how much time can you do?

[463] I'm like, two minutes.

[464] Can you do 45?

[465] Sure.

[466] you know and then I'm back there and then the guy goes comics next comedian from MTV VH1 I'm looking around like who the fuck is here they're like Adam Greenberg and that's my real name it's almost like so then I fucking walk up there and do 45 minutes for these fucking kids why did you change your name from Greenberg to Hunter because Hunter's not a douche last name unless you call yourself Hunter it is it gets tricky well I'll tell you why there's actually a story there it's actually a real story and it's going to be this is kind of sad actually.

[467] Oh, dude, you bummed me out again?

[468] Fuck, man. For those at home, we're playing, okay?

[469] We're buddies.

[470] He's all joking around.

[471] And I'm not going to say fuck me until I get into my muck at my car.

[472] And I didn't really say is Times Square around here because I was thinking of something.

[473] It was my, I wasn't really shitting on.

[474] That was fake.

[475] So, uh, Hunter, so anyway, I used to work at the volunteer at the Ron McDonnell House for three years in New York.

[476] I was like the head volunteer.

[477] I'd make them all laugh.

[478] And I'd bring dates, actually.

[479] It was a good way to, no. Did you really?

[480] Once in a while, I burned a girl, but that was not why I did it.

[481] That would be impressive, you know?

[482] You did a show there?

[483] Well, yeah, we did shows with the kids and work on the kids.

[484] Oh, she would think, oh, my God, he's so sweet.

[485] Exactly.

[486] The one time, though, it would backfire because I brought my ex -girlfriend, and she's like, and this little girl who had, like, cancer, who was like five.

[487] She's like, oh, I'm like, hey, this is my friend.

[488] You're not as pretty as a girl Adam brought last week.

[489] Oh, snap.

[490] I was like, you fucking cockpucker.

[491] Oh, my God.

[492] But that was.

[493] Wow.

[494] That was like one of the best times of my life.

[495] Those kids were awesome.

[496] But the one kid, his name was Hunter.

[497] And so my dad, my dad kept telling me that everyone hates Jews in Hollywood.

[498] And that everybody, and that, I'm never going to make, I'm never going to make it.

[499] My last name is Greenberg, because people don't want to see a big office, box office guy.

[500] You don't see Brad Pitt.

[501] You don't see, you know, Tom Cruise and Adam Greenberg.

[502] You got to change it to something.

[503] And so then finally I was like, all right, I'll fucking change my name.

[504] And so I was like, you know what, this kid's my best.

[505] I'm like his best friend, and it'll always remind me of a good time in my life with these kids.

[506] So I changed it to Hunter.

[507] Oh, well, that's very sweet.

[508] That is a sweet story.

[509] But I think you have been fine with Greenberg.

[510] I think so, too.

[511] Especially in the world of stand -up?

[512] I know.

[513] It was like the dumbest.

[514] Are you crazy?

[515] And then, like, a month later, I'm like, Dad, that was the stupidest day.

[516] The Jews are going to be upset.

[517] You don't claim them.

[518] I know.

[519] You know?

[520] I mean, you know.

[521] Like, I had Italian people that were upset that my name is Rogan.

[522] They're like, I thought you were Italian.

[523] I'm like, I'm mostly.

[524] Italian, but my Irish grandfather, that's always his name.

[525] Rogan, that's where it comes from.

[526] So it's like, it's like one quarter of that and three quarters Italian.

[527] But the fact that they can't claim you.

[528] Well, I don't think I'm trying to claim me. Jews, would be very upset.

[529] You're not claiming them.

[530] I'm not disclaiming them.

[531] I am Jewish.

[532] But you were worried about Greenberg.

[533] I was worried about my dad, actually.

[534] And anytime, like, we get into fights, I'm like, I should have been famous by now.

[535] You're not, never.

[536] So I always kind of had that overroo.

[537] That's hilarious.

[538] I did it for the opposite reason because of Reichel, you know, like third Reichel.

[539] Yeah, Reichel's a rough one.

[540] Red band of Reichel makes sense.

[541] And because, you know, you had that name just as because it's the band that goes X -rated or R -rated movies.

[542] Yeah.

[543] To let you know that's some dirty shit's about to happen.

[544] Yeah.

[545] So that made sense, Reichel, but Greenberg?

[546] I know, I know And then my high school My nickname was Greenie Greeny What the fuck dude It's a cool nickname You lost your identity Fuck man I know Well I know I don't I still have my identity I'm still happy with who I am Well no It's a it's a cute name When you You think about the story behind it Yeah Which at last comic standing Shouldn't say cute I said When I was on last comic standing They kept trying to get me To tell that story And I wouldn't tell it You saved it for this podcast Well because I was like They wanted me to be like Vote for me And then hold up a picture Of the kid And I was like Fuck you.

[547] I was like, no, I can't, I'm not going to do that.

[548] I was like, I can't, you know.

[549] Who was producing that show?

[550] I don't know.

[551] I mean, it was, I was happy.

[552] The show did a lot for me. I went from feature to co -feature.

[553] Adamanta, he'll be here all week.

[554] What is it like doing those boats?

[555] Oh, the ships?

[556] A big cruise ship.

[557] You know what?

[558] I have a girlfriend, so it kind of sucks because, like, literally, if you want to get like it's like the pussy you can get you're not supposed to like fucking bang the passengers but it says like but you could fuck the staff and it's awful like the massage girls and like the dancers and you come in as the comic and then the guests all fucking surround you after the shows they're like oh that's that's that's the good part and like and the good part is sometimes I'll be like in Aruba or Cancun or Puerto Vallerta and in the fucking ocean at like noon that everyone paid thousands of dollars and I'm like I'm getting paid for this like this is fucking awesome so that's the good part and and the shows 300 people every every single show you know and and five shows every two days and the money's fucking great that's the good part the bad part is that is that you know the same crowd comes to every single show so you got to do five shows so like I got to do five 30 different 30 minutes shows different because like doing different jokes right doing different jokes right oh my god oh my god and it's just you up there Like the lady goes, give it up for Adam Hunter, and then you go up.

[559] There's no, like, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[560] And one's funny.

[561] Me and my girlfriend broke up for like a week one time, and I hooked up with the, like, the chick that did that.

[562] And I'm like, give it up for, you know, Jennifer.

[563] She gives the best blow jobs on the ship.

[564] I was like, ah.

[565] Meanwhile, she really was giving me the best blow job.

[566] How rude.

[567] Yeah.

[568] All right, maybe it wasn't that funny.

[569] Okay, but.

[570] Not for Jennifer, it wasn't.

[571] Not for Jennifer.

[572] Well, that wasn't her real name.

[573] I changed her name.

[574] Good.

[575] She would laugh and shake her head.

[576] Be like, oh, Jesus.

[577] Oh, Adam Oh, Adam The break dancers are the ones The clean house Those guys get all the fucking Break dancers Yeah, because they're with the guests all day long And teaching them how to dance It's all cougars Oh, that's hilarious Wow So there's like a whole like ecosystem on a boat, huh?

[578] Like the Filipinos and the Indians They put on the bottom The Italians on the top Really?

[579] They get the best view Because they're part of the Italian Navy It's like a whole It's a whole Wow Now, did you freak out when that one boat hit the fucking rocks in Italy, and where did that happen?

[580] I didn't that happen in, I forgot where that was, but that was pretty crazy.

[581] Yeah, when those people died.

[582] Quite a few people died.

[583] And the guy did it because he was trying to show off to his girlfriend and get closer, and then he didn't show off too well.

[584] Moron.

[585] What a crazy fuck.

[586] And then he left the boat and left everyone else.

[587] But anyway, back to the happiness, the cruises.

[588] It's so easy to get, like, put pussy on it because the...

[589] the guests are all like surrounding you and you're like the star or the ship and then I like went downstairs but then I'm like beating off angrily in my room don't be angry why are you beating off angrily because I wanted to bang the chicks and I'm faithful oh I understand but why the anger I was like fuck man I wish I could fuck those chicks like I don't know you should really put shouldn't put angry and fucking together like that just try to keep that out of your head I'm sorry dude I mean that's how I that's what I was my vocabulary was better but that's what those are the words going through my head as I'm no just fucking but you can't get porn on the shit that's the hard part no porn at all no they block the porn it's just like oh that's so silly how do you how do they block it just says like this act this website is blocked oh web porn right yeah um nobody has like hard copy anymore everything is uh yeah you porn and but the cruises are funny like because they have like special people go on the cruises like i did the boys to men crews like they were on the ship Yeah, and then Richard Simmons has a cruise What?

[590] But he only brings like He only brings like A couple hundred people And the rest of the cruise is regular people Dude, a cruise sounds like it could be madness And then he gets up and starts dancing at breakfast All these fat people start getting up and dancing But they're the ones, not everyone is there for the Richard Simmons cruise So people are like, why the fuck are there fat people dancing right now In like the breakfast?

[591] Oh no, no, no, no no So it's not the whole boat.

[592] No, it's like half the boats.

[593] And people are like, is that Richard Simmons?

[594] What the fuck?

[595] Could you imagine if you're like, we're going to go on a vacation, we're going to get on a nice boat, I'm going to sit back with a cocktail, and no one's going to bother me. This is it.

[596] I got a nice cigar.

[597] I worked hard for this moment.

[598] And you're sitting out there with your bathrobe on with your fucking slippers.

[599] And it's just a sea of giant women dancing with the gayest man he's ever lived.

[600] and they're dancing in front of you every day and the women are crying and everyone's emotional and they're hugging it out everyone's hugging it out after class and you're transfixed I've had people try to fight me like on the boat yeah like not to fight me but like one time I was on stage and this woman was going to the bathroom and she was a lesbian but I didn't know this so I was like what do you go change that change that attire or something and then she's like give me the microphone so she runs up and I'm holding above my head and she's jumping for it and I was like, the crowd's laughing and I'm like, wow, you can't tell she's not good with cox because she can't grab the microphone.

[601] You know, I'm just saying whatever, she's coming to my head.

[602] It turns out she was a lesbian.

[603] Yeah, she was and she was having fun.

[604] People get wasted on these ships.

[605] I mean, they get like wasted, you know.

[606] So that's, it's good, I mean, it's good money.

[607] Some people, when they go on vacation, they just, they go too far, man. You get too drunk.

[608] Some people are just so excited to get drunk.

[609] They're just so excited.

[610] decided to just fucking wash it away for a few days.

[611] Oh, yeah.

[612] Absolutely.

[613] I've seen people go crazy.

[614] On the 3 -Eleven ship, someone jumped off it.

[615] What's a 3 -Eleven ship?

[616] When, like, the 3 -Eleven performed?

[617] The band?

[618] Yeah, they had a cruise.

[619] They had their own cruise?

[620] Yeah.

[621] And someone jumped off the boat?

[622] Yeah, to like, because in Jamaica, you're like 50 miles out or something.

[623] I could make it.

[624] Oh, no, he didn't.

[625] Yeah.

[626] He tried to swim 50 fucking miles.

[627] Oh, my God.

[628] So what did they do?

[629] He, like, broke his arm, and they had to go rescue him.

[630] Oh, my.

[631] my god he broke his arm hitting the water yeah jesus fucking christ son oh did you imagine how bad of a feeling of oh my god i fucked up you would be if you were one arm in the water broken 50 miles from shore and no you're such a douchebag no one even says anything like let him fucking swim oh i saw someone i saw someone get knocked out at a bachelor party one time like he said something to a girl bachelor party said to a girl and the girl's boyfriend was there came and knocked a dude out and the basketball just like dropped him off miami and left him they're like oh we don't like him anyway so who got dropped off the guy who got knocked out yeah he said something fucked up yeah it was his fault but the guys just left him and so the other guys continued on the on the yeah that's kind of a win that's definitely a big win you can put that one on your record if you can knock a guy out and you get to a party on the boat that he used to be on but he's not on anymore because they pull them off there had to be more of that story that guy had to be an Uber douche Yeah I'm sure People must have saw that coming There must have been Plenty of documentation there See the wedding video I did the comedy Or the guy attacked me at the wedding Yeah what was that about What happened was They hired me to like do I get I'm on this thing called gigmasters Or like I'm sure other comments now I've got to go on it But basically like You get hired to do these gigs right So I got one week I got hired to do Like these random gigs Like one week I got hired to do a a baby shower where I'm doing comedy during a baby shower and like the chick was fucking hot this hot Brazilian chick but she hated her husband or something and like whatever so like I was like dude how the hell did you get her you know you're not gonna be able she was hot Brazilian but then she hated the family wanted to have a comic to piss everyone off because she was pregnant basically is what happened but this other thing at the wedding so they'll like roast everybody just roast everybody and they don't give me anything like to go on to go on just go out there pretend you're the priest marrying people the minister And then start roasting people.

[632] So I'm like, all right, fine, $1 ,000.

[633] I'm like, I'll do it.

[634] So I'm like, dearly beloved.

[635] And they're both like, she's an army, he's a Marine.

[636] And they like, oh, my God.

[637] It's all Marines in the crowd in the backyard of Apple Valley, right?

[638] Now, how many people are, you know?

[639] 200 people.

[640] No, just a bride and groom.

[641] That's it.

[642] They're the only ones in on it, right?

[643] Oh, my God.

[644] They give me nothing.

[645] So I show up with, like, my two friends who have, like, video cameras, right?

[646] So I'm like, dearly beloved, we're glad they're here today, blah, blah, blah.

[647] And then I'm like, you know, I'm starting.

[648] And then the next thing I know, I'm like, I stopped doing material.

[649] Like, how did you get her?

[650] Look at her tits.

[651] Oh, no, you didn't.

[652] And the father.

[653] Look at her tits?

[654] Her tits were nice.

[655] She was a pretty girl.

[656] I was like, so then the father's looking down, like, shaking his head like, this can't be happening.

[657] This can't be happening.

[658] This can't be happening.

[659] So now I got to be.

[660] You're supposed to be a priest.

[661] I got to do 45 minutes.

[662] No way.

[663] Swear.

[664] 45 minutes at a wedding.

[665] So I start going to the crowd.

[666] I'm like, I'm like, fuck it.

[667] My friends are videotaping it.

[668] They told me to be as dirty as possible.

[669] They don't care, you know?

[670] So I'm like, if they don't care, I don't care.

[671] They're one's paying me. Like, so I'm like, how many girls here shaved their vaginas?

[672] You know, I do my whole vagina.

[673] And like...

[674] My whole vagina piece.

[675] My whole vagina, are you really about to say that?

[676] I have issues, too.

[677] But, anyway, so it's like 30 % of the crowd was like, 20 % was laughing, right?

[678] They were like, oh, this is...

[679] 80 % were shocked.

[680] Like, then people were pissed.

[681] Shocked, pissed, laughing, right?

[682] So I started doing the...

[683] Next thing I know, I'm roasting people in the crowd.

[684] I'm like, you know, and people are having a good time, but this one guy, I'm like, oh, look, it's Bon Jovi's stupid brother.

[685] Like, you know, I was like, you know, so he's like, he gives me the finger, like, fuck you, dude.

[686] I'm like, look, sorry, your band broke up, right?

[687] The guy charges me at the wedding and pushes me. He's like, motherfucker.

[688] So he fucking.

[689] Landing strips or triangles or if you're maxing, you have a fence, you know.

[690] If you're aging, you have a math problem.

[691] They're laughing.

[692] Yeah, people were laughing.

[693] Persian, don't even bother.

[694] It's going to grow back in 12 seconds anyway.

[695] I shave elephant ears right above.

[696] I remember when I get hard, like, How's it going?

[697] We have Bon Jovi here.

[698] That's the guy.

[699] He gave me the finger.

[700] Nice job, dude.

[701] When to go to a wedding wearing white shirts and white socks, that's good, sir.

[702] I can see your mammal toe from the stage.

[703] It's not good.

[704] Your band is not going to make it, sir.

[705] I'm sorry.

[706] You got to return those highlights.

[707] Oh, come on.

[708] Oh, come on.

[709] Yeah.

[710] Fuck you.

[711] Yeah, really.

[712] This is a joke.

[713] This is what I get pissed.

[714] Sorry, the band broke up.

[715] Thanks.

[716] Take care, man. Whoa.

[717] Don't stop believing.

[718] Well, if anybody else wants to do their wedding, let me know.

[719] I'm playing the divorce party next week.

[720] So that's edited.

[721] That's like the last part is edited.

[722] I had to do 35 minutes before I said anyone else want to do their wedding in between that.

[723] Wow.

[724] So then it was like, then it was going well.

[725] What did you do?

[726] Well, it was actually getting, after that, people were kind of bonded together by that, that was awkward.

[727] By that guy pushing in?

[728] Yeah.

[729] So then it went well?

[730] Well, definitely not well.

[731] I'm not going to go there.

[732] That's got a lot of credit there.

[733] It went better than that, you know?

[734] So then I start going and then the mother starts yelling at me, the going, no one wants to hear about your sex life, right?

[735] So then I'm like, oh, it just gets, then I got to do 10 minutes after that.

[736] No one to hear about your sex life.

[737] life.

[738] Oh, dude, it was so awkward.

[739] So I'm like, when we do clean jokes?

[740] It's whatever.

[741] And on the cruises, you've got to do 30 minutes crystal clean.

[742] So I'm like, I had 30 minutes clean jokes because there was like kids there on the cruises anyway.

[743] So then after that, after that happened, I had to wait to get my check.

[744] And that guy's pacing around inside.

[745] And I'm like, and people are like, people gave me their business cards to do my weddings.

[746] And this clip actually, I got contacted by a company in England.

[747] It's going to be on a TV show in England, like the 10 worst weddings of all time and uh they gave me another thousand so i was like yeah that's funny but uh yeah that's a gig that you got to take it's one of those money gigs yeah like how am we gonna do this uh fuck it i'm just gonna do it i've had so much but i've had so many of those kind of experiences were like just doing terrible terrible gigs you know so what do they what do you get them like someone called a club and say we need a comedian to do something yeah exactly or like yeah some bizarre We want to hire a comedian to just be an asshole at our wedding.

[748] But I used to work at Playboy.

[749] I was the warm -up comic.

[750] That was the hellest gig ever.

[751] What's that?

[752] On the Playboy channel, they had this thing called Night Calls, where it was like Jesse Jane and some other girl.

[753] Kirsten Price were hosting it.

[754] They had like 15 naked chicks, like, scissoring each other and fisting each other.

[755] Like, Jesus.

[756] Just craziness, right?

[757] It's like Brian's house.

[758] I'm not fisting each other.

[759] I mean, they were scissoring.

[760] Brian's house.

[761] So, like, what ended up had, but they would have like Steve O was on or at Tony, Tony, Tony, would perform some random talk show and like it was like the show was like why it's okay to cheat or something you know and i was the warm -up comic so i got to do comedy while they're not filming and it's like the crowd is like 20 people that don't want to be seen there and i'm blocking their view of 20 naked chicks so people are like what i'm like sir where are you from you know and they're playing music over me oh my god like yeah i've had some of the worst it's almost like when you want to have but you know you got to do it as a comic you got to brodie stevens is the master oh yeah Brody's the master of the warm -up.

[762] He's got it down to a science.

[763] Don Barris is awesome at it as well.

[764] Yeah, those guys.

[765] Yeah, there's guys that get it down.

[766] They get it down to a science, you know?

[767] Brody would have you call asking him to repeat jokes, you know?

[768] Me and Brody used to do the laundromats together.

[769] Like, and Dimitriamart's in New York City.

[770] We used to do laundromats at that, and Andrew Donnelly.

[771] I remember that.

[772] Those were like, Andrew Donnelly had the funniest joke.

[773] He's at the laundromat doing comedy.

[774] He goes to the dryer.

[775] He goes, let me put this on.

[776] No career.

[777] There was an episode of Opie and Anthony where they were talking about New York comedians and how the difference between the New York comedians and the West Coast comedians is New York comedians are fucking brutally mean to each other all the time, like constantly fucking with each other.

[778] But it's like it's expected and appreciated.

[779] It's like fun.

[780] One time I used to play basketball with like Kevin Hart, Patrice O 'Neill, Rich Voss.

[781] Jim Norton, right?

[782] And I was like...

[783] At 3 o 'clock in the morning, they called me open mic.

[784] You're open mic, they passed me at the ball.

[785] I was open mic.

[786] Like, Keith Robinson.

[787] I mean, all these...

[788] So one time...

[789] At 3 in the morning, they were playing basketball?

[790] 3 o 'clock in the morning, we'd also play basketball.

[791] And Kevin Hart was sick.

[792] He light everyone up.

[793] He was the best one by far.

[794] And 3 in the morning.

[795] Yeah, 3 o 'clock in the morning.

[796] We would find some...

[797] I used to go to the comedy cellar.

[798] I wasn't like past but I would hang out there and then go play basketball and go with the comic play basketball right so what ended up happening was um one time uh Steve Marshall is a funny New York comedian like he's a really funny guy he goes what if there's a gang here what are we gonna do we about whip out our tape recorders and then Jim Norton goes press play they'll run I was like that is a funny I couldn't believe it was like right on fucking cue I was like dude that's that's a brain that like that I admire man it's hilarious he's he's made like single -handedly tranny's okay to talk about it's okay to talk about your tranny experiences single -handedly yeah yeah he's yeah he's funny as hell man he's an animal i love that guy that whole opine anthony show so the best show in radio that's the consistently hilarious fucked up weird and norton consistently makes me laugh oh norton is so funny he's just so fucking crazy yeah he's so off the deep end crazy he's fun though that east coast sense of camaraderie is different too there's like more camaraderie i think amongst comics on the east coast i feel like east coast comedians a lot of times it's like that's all they want is common you know right right west coast comedians sometimes people like they're they do comedy but they also act they produce they're trying to get something you know yeah they're trying to get something in show business instead of just trying to be a comic they're trying to be famous there's a lot of that you know we've all seen those guys that go up there aren't even really comics the kind of actors and so then they just sort of act like a comic yeah which is nothing wrong with that I mean I get more mad at the audience for laughing at it like I don't get mad I get disappointed I'm like this is what you guys find funny and then I go maybe I'm not funny because this is what they're laughing at well if you never been to comedy before and you know you're not like sophisticated in the ways of the hack joke yeah someone could catch you yeah you just go that there especially you're young but that's not even the hack joke that bothers me it's like at least there's a joke in the hack joke it's like the act out look how talented i am scream right this method work for somebody else so now i'm gonna do it matt you know there's a guy that i came up with he was he was ahead of me a little bit by a few years but he um he had like a was a weird act it was like a completely contrived act like everything about him was contrived like he would wear like a jacket that had like a like a gas station attendant jacket but he didn't work at a gas station you know he would you know he would right he had like a look and then he had like an act and this act that he was piecing together i went and saw him before i was uh before i'd ever done he'd stand -up i was thinking about doing stand -up so i went to see some comedy a bunch of times and i saw him and he made me laugh i thought he was funny like a couple things i thought it was really funny then i started doing comedy and then once i started doing comedy i realized Oh, this guy sucks.

[799] I thought he was funny.

[800] Like, I thought just like a year ago that you were funny.

[801] Yeah.

[802] And then you realize all the mechanics behind everything.

[803] You know, like what he's doing is just like really clunky, overused bullshit.

[804] No heart behind it.

[805] No real point of view.

[806] He's kind of a dick in real life.

[807] You're like, oh.

[808] Yeah, that happened.

[809] That's happening before.

[810] Like, especially the first guy ever opened for in the road after that prom show, this guy, this guy Gemini.

[811] He's actually, he's a funny.

[812] His name is Gemini.

[813] Jiminima.

[814] Well, yes, he's a white guy.

[815] I get a phone call.

[816] Yeah, I got a phone call from this booker.

[817] He goes, guess what?

[818] I got you booked in South Carolina.

[819] You know, it's going to be amazing.

[820] I'm like, oh, this is Great Myrtle Beach.

[821] The next thing I know, a giant, like, van pulls up with this guy, Gemini, and there's a black, he had this, like, black puppet named Sunny, right?

[822] Like, a lifestyle.

[823] And he had a dick puppet.

[824] Like, he had, you know, they'd say, oh, the guy's got a dick puppet.

[825] He actually had a dick puppet, right?

[826] Like, swear to God.

[827] So I like go in this van and we would drive to Cassie's Comedy Club and I'm like, oh, we're like we stop up in Baltimore or something on the way and we're doing this like holiday inn with all black people.

[828] He works out the black puppet.

[829] I'm like we're going to fucking die.

[830] Like they're going to kill him, you know?

[831] Wow.

[832] But it was actually pretty funny.

[833] Moral story is he had a dick bucket.

[834] But he told me a funny story that this actually goes somewhere.

[835] He was saying he was driving with Sonny, the black puppet one time.

[836] And he got a van got caught on fire.

[837] Got no car accident.

[838] And like he was sitting there watching.

[839] the van burned down and all these kids are there and he's like oh my people that are watched this he goes oh my god my fucking puppet jumps inside everyone thinks he's rescued this black kid because he's carrying it and he's carrying the head right and it's so burned down it falls down and he's just throwing his voice going it's okay I'm all right I know it was a funny story I wanted to share the story uh that's probably the best story I've ever heard fuck man that went so bad.

[840] I was trying to end strong on that.

[841] This is why I'm good at Twitter.

[842] It's all right, dude.

[843] You swung and you missed, man. It happens to the best of us.

[844] We've all been there.

[845] Come on.

[846] Because I told the story last week to someone.

[847] They were like, you've got to tell that story on the fucking...

[848] Did you follow it completely, Brian?

[849] Most of it, yeah.

[850] I wrote it out.

[851] Okay?

[852] I have it written...

[853] I will send you the story.

[854] If anyone wants the story, I will email them the story of how it really went down.

[855] Sounds pretty important.

[856] Yeah.

[857] What else going on?

[858] Can we transition out of this?

[859] This is a part of the podcast where people click on to the Adam Carolla podcast.

[860] It's also available online.

[861] Fuck, man. Are you going to A -B -N this year?

[862] I went to A -V -N last year.

[863] For the people at home that aren't freaks.

[864] I didn't actually go, though.

[865] Av -N is the porn awards.

[866] Which they separated.

[867] So look at how fucked up these two guys are.

[868] Look at what we are.

[869] I like this so much further than my story.

[870] And it's so casual.

[871] It's like so like, yeah.

[872] You're going to AVN?

[873] Yeah, probably going to go to AVN.

[874] You're going to go down there?

[875] Yeah.

[876] Probably go down there.

[877] Thank you for rescuing that story.

[878] But there's no fucking, what you know what the A we were talking about too.

[879] Yeah, but the folks at home, like a lot of people like don't know what the AVNs are.

[880] I know.

[881] It's an adult video news awards, porn awards.

[882] And it's from CES used to be on the same weekend, and it used to be the ultimate place because it would be like the Porn Awards on one floor and then the nerd awards on the other floor.

[883] Yeah, why'd that stop?

[884] I think it was just too awesome.

[885] I don't know.

[886] It's too awesome.

[887] The universe couldn't handle it.

[888] Yeah, I went last year, because I was doing comedy that week at the LA Comedy Club, and it was, so me and I went there last year.

[889] It was fun.

[890] It was a little crazy.

[891] It wasn't as crazy.

[892] You know, anytime that everyone knows about something, it's never as good as if no one really knows about it you know right right everyone's like oh oh avianne awards everyone's all these like guys like the paid that like are expecting something crazy to happen which never happens it's always like the parties that no one knows about that that's like the swinger shit goes on or whatever yeah yeah yeah but uh the avianne awards chill everybody's in bed by eight yeah they all got their their their toes with little cotton in between them and they're reading the book meanwhile those fucking electronics people are just on meth raging face fucking me and sam and doug benson and jason and jason rouse are doing a comedy show the thursday night at the vinyl at the hard rock cafe what night what Thursday night is it what's the date for people just listening to this as an audio podcast i think it's january 17th it's at 8 p .m it's a part of the avian package i guess you buy packages like you just hey do you want VIP to all these clubs and parties you know one day two days three days and so we're doing it and it's actually sponsored by Avianne I guess it's gonna be a vinyl though so it's powerful we're gonna have a bunch of girls yeah dude that's pretty cool fucking it's awesome so I was there Brian's out there living it nobody inviting me to that show he's out there going gangster in Vegas ready to dive an MMA and I guess it's fucking bachelor parties on Saturday night he is getting married yeah to who so it's the same weekend in Vegas yeah he's like I'm gonna have my bachelor party in Vegas during avians what's Eddie is Eddie if having his own show now is that what's going on yeah it's just Eddie F talking shit it's just talking shit with Eddie F but he's keeping the whole talking shit thing why not just the ADF show okay you don't it doesn't have to be talking shit and the talking shit you got him in so much well so like that's my website is on Joe Rogan .net I have a message board on the message board shit talking one -on -one is one of the forums and it's always been shit -talking one -on -one but it doesn't really mean you're supposed to go and talk shit you know it just it's like what are you doing i would just shoot in the shit you know like shit talking so it became shit talking 101 like if anybody says like hey you know these guys were online and they said something and it was i really found it offensive and i found it disturbing that anybody would laugh at that oh yeah what was the forum you were on what was called shit talking 101 oh come on you silly bitch Like, how could you be complaining about something that you read on shit -talking 101?

[893] Take nothing seriously here.

[894] Consider all that you may, but take nothing seriously here.

[895] It's called shit -talking 101.

[896] Sounds good to me. But talking shit as a podcast, I feel like you're really committed to that.

[897] To talking shit.

[898] Yeah, exactly.

[899] You don't want to be the whole podcast talking shit.

[900] I totally agree.

[901] How about just that EF show?

[902] Let's make a plea.

[903] Let's try to contact Eddie F and steer him towards the light.

[904] Is that possible, Brian?

[905] He's funny, man. I got to see him in, where was that, San Francisco or Oregon or somewhere?

[906] San Francisco.

[907] He was, uh, when we were at that Masonic Hall theater place, and he was over at the punchline.

[908] Yeah, he was really funny.

[909] Yeah, that fucking place is awesome, man. The punchline is awesome.

[910] Did he ever work there?

[911] Eddie if the punchline?

[912] No, we did a college one time, though, at Penn State.

[913] and it was outside like 300 people and it was like the worst gig ever and he's like on the flagpole telling jokes and there were crickets in the back and he goes wow this is the only show you can actually hear the actual crickets The actual crickets Yeah I'm trying to think of all the fucking crazy shows I've done Outside I did one in the college It was outside in the mud on a platform at night Oh Did you ever do big fish?

[914] Big fish?

[915] Yeah, I think it's in Glendale, and it's right next to a train track, and the whole time the owner and the bartender just heckles you.

[916] And then every five minutes, you're like a train goes by.

[917] It's like the worst.

[918] One of the worst things I ever did was opening up for two short, the rapper.

[919] Short dog?

[920] In England?

[921] In England?

[922] Not in England.

[923] No, Oakland.

[924] Okay, there's a big difference.

[925] No, no. Hey, man, meet me in Oakland.

[926] and hey man meet me in england they have totally different meanings i know it wasn't england but uh fuck so um dude i'm on the i'm supposed to do planet gemini in monterey and i'm driving and it says uh uh i'll take the way to the gig and listen to the radio station like tonight two shorts playing and i'm fucking i'm like i'm supposed to be there that's kind of weird right so i like go on and they're like oh we have you opening for two short that no one's there to see me it's just me swear and it's all like it's me de milton and two and And too short, right?

[927] So I'm just, like, cursing after every joke.

[928] That way they'll, like, laugh, sort of, you know?

[929] Yeah, that doesn't ever work.

[930] Sort of, yeah, right, didn't that?

[931] Yeah, they realized that you're trying too hard.

[932] Right.

[933] When you're trying too hard in front of a black crowd, they will not tolerate that shit.

[934] Absolutely.

[935] A white crowd will try to be kind and work with you.

[936] Black people paid money to hear you talk.

[937] And if you're not funny, get the fuck off the stage.

[938] Oh, absolutely.

[939] And once they start billing, you cannot return.

[940] There's no pulling out of that.

[941] Oh.

[942] You don't pull out of that fucking.

[943] crash yeah you just get off the stage politely with a fine how do you do and get out of there yeah this one so then uh two short goes on he does like three songs like man you got to get paid you got to get paid because you know what i'm not doing any more songs let you guys give me two thousand dollars right to the crowd yeah and yeah there's like a hundred people there so people like pass around a bucket oh come on i swear and then there's no way i'm telling you like that is the craziest shit i have ever heard Then he goes, I ain't, I'm not going to do no more songs unless you guys give me $2 ,000.

[944] So like, they raise like 50 bucks or something, right?

[945] Oh my God, that is so funny.

[946] So then, right, so then he goes, all right, you know what?

[947] I want two sperm swallowers to blow me on stage, right?

[948] What?

[949] I swear, I swear to God.

[950] So then these two fat white chicks got me goes, I said sperm swallowers, not sperm whales, right?

[951] So then the whole crowd starts fucking fighting, right?

[952] Like, I have a whole crowd, but like, like, a lot of, people are not throwing bottles and fighting him or fighting each other.

[953] Because the lights go on, the cops, like, conchers over.

[954] It was just one of those things where, like, a fight.

[955] The cops said the concert was over because they wanted to get blown on stage.

[956] Because it was like 2 o 'clock in the morning.

[957] It was like, it started an hour late.

[958] It was one of those things.

[959] Cops are a bunch of cock blockers, okay?

[960] If he actually got blown on stage, don't you think it would have made the story so much better.

[961] It's all of a sudden you watch that guy's rapping while he was getting blown.

[962] I think the cops wanted over because it was like over.

[963] Right.

[964] But, but, yeah, that would have.

[965] funny if it was like come on man that would have been sensational so then right a fucking there's like people were bleeding it was crazy shit I'm just watching all this right the next day I come back to the club and the owner's like hey man you were too dirty last night shut the fuck up I swear to God I'm too dirty what about the fucking riot that fucking happened at your club it was fucking crazy that's hilarious well I think what he was saying is that you know you were offensive by swearing after every joke yeah I know But what a silly goose he is.

[966] You can see that he would, I mean, obviously, he'd be like, we have, obviously we have other problems as well.

[967] But there was a bit of a problem with you, Adam.

[968] Oh, yeah.

[969] I mean, he's just running a tight ship.

[970] Imagine if Too Short let those big girls blow him on stage.

[971] Yeah, it was crazy.

[972] You could have been there to watch.

[973] That would have been a psychological experiment, man. That's, that, to be there live while that happens, that's like being in the back of a. jeep while you're watching a lion take out of gazelle it's like you're watching like real nature in a strange form right there too short and two fat white women just yeah and he would he was like so picky if you want to get someone to blow you on stage you really want the first people to step up you don't want the one who's thinking hard but not sure and well he just made fun of those girls i'm not going up now you don't you don't want that you're supposed to take the first soldiers the ones but then again They could have been like a really hot girl behind them, but those fat bids just pushed her out of the way and used intimidation in the sheer bulk to get to too short.

[974] Somebody got arrested for getting blown during a concert.

[975] I think it was like Luke from two live crew.

[976] Yeah, that's what was.

[977] Was it?

[978] Two live crew, yeah.

[979] Yeah, that's pretty gangster.

[980] Look that up.

[981] Find out if that's true.

[982] Can you look that up?

[983] It's Luke.

[984] Is it Luke?

[985] Yeah.

[986] What's the penalty for that?

[987] Getting blown on stage.

[988] Public.

[989] display of public display of awesomeness yeah it'd be great as a comic you like if i'm getting blown on stage while i'm telling like my therapy jokes would have been great if there's a video of it and he couldn't get hard he was like i just don't understand why this never happened blow jobs happen all the time at the comedy store on stage really yeah that place is so on stage that place is so great and it's a lot of it's guys that's how hard is to pass there now guys are blowing guys now just for stage time man that's the worst if that was the only way to get on stage there'd be dudes who would do it there'd be dudes who would say hey you know I don't like it but you know it's part of the job they would just fucking buckle strapped down and suck a cock at least I don't suck a cock like figuratively you know only literally I mean in my real lot making my own decisions that's when I started to cross over to poetry like when that's not working just being a funny poet have you ever seen slam poetry yeah the snapping when people start snapping I'm like what I can't do oh the audience they're snapping when they like it yeah they do that at pool halls too i don't know that's cool at pool halls a guy makes a good shot you do a little of that let them know damn or you tap your cue on the ground you little tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap let them know but that's some inside shit that you wouldn't be aware of son i actually my friend who's a porn star t reel right i was like his black guy i'm like hey man you and your buddy ever double team a chick isn't that kind of weird if you have to do that you know like two guys he's like it's just like sports you got to play your position wow that's crazy yeah there was a dude that um um um was telling us about this was like pre viagra days this dude was telling us it's about keeping your edge and i was like what do you mean like keep your edge because you know it's to keep your heart on man you guys you got to keep your edge and i'm like what do you mean by like your edge he goes it's like it's like it's a mindset man it's a mindset and it's you got to keep that mindset because sometimes it's doing shit you don't want to do and i go like like dicks touching dicks he's like like, you know, when you do a double penetration scene, okay, you're not doing it in different dimensions, okay, you're both inside a vagina.

[990] And the reality is when two dudes are having sex with a woman at the same time, it's, you know, you're just using her vagina as a container so that you could rub dicks.

[991] That's what it is.

[992] You're rubbing your dicks together.

[993] That's not sex.

[994] I mean, it is kind of sexual.

[995] You're like holding it there.

[996] But you just got to get off on that dude's warm, slippery dick.

[997] Think about that warm dick next to your dick, and you've got to somehow to keep your heart on it.

[998] When I was in Florida, this chick that I banged one time was like, my friend was like, let me bang her.

[999] She's like, I'll bang you and this guy at once.

[1000] I'm like, what, what a good kid?

[1001] So I was like, I was trying to be a good friend.

[1002] I'm like, you know what, all right?

[1003] And then I couldn't get hard.

[1004] I was like, I can't.

[1005] Wow.

[1006] Another guy in the room, I couldn't do it.

[1007] I couldn't.

[1008] It was like.

[1009] Well, you're probably gay.

[1010] That's probably what it is.

[1011] You're gay because you couldn't get hard?

[1012] You're fighting it so much that you're, you know, denial it bothers you so much that then i came out the next week so it was actually it was it was good then i then i fucked everybody after that just fucking a big line of people i just blew the whole the whole florida well if you if you're like passing by those gay clubs on santa monica boulevard there's a lot of times where i'm like you know like these people look like they have more fun than anybody like i'm i'm not into the act but they are and they look like they're having a good time.

[1013] It's a fascinating thing.

[1014] I wonder what it was that made the transition where gay became homosexual because it wasn't during Flintstones days.

[1015] During Flintstones days, it was, we have a gay old time.

[1016] So back then, that's what we know, it was a cultural point of reference.

[1017] Back then gay meant, we're going to have a grand gay, wonderful time.

[1018] Because they were having so much fun.

[1019] Yeah, it was a gay old time.

[1020] Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

[1021] That's what meant Flintstones meet the fun, you know.

[1022] Right.

[1023] That was in the fucking song we'll have a gay old time the flintstones you think the song was made for gay old time no what i mean is when did it switch when did it become homosexual when did uh when did it when did it when did it when did it when did it become a slang for homosexual to the point where it's like accepted as uh like nomenclature gay is like you know lesbian gay by transgender like Right, yeah, that's a good question.

[1024] The G is in there for gay.

[1025] You know, instead of homosexual, it's gay, whereas at one point in time.

[1026] But it's amazing because gay became, like, the actual, like, common term for it.

[1027] But they were having so much fun that it had to suck a cock, and then it became gay.

[1028] But it's one of the few names for someone that somehow or another they just enjoyed and incorporated to the point where it's the commonly accepted term for it.

[1029] For gay.

[1030] Yeah, and it only for homosexual.

[1031] gay is the there's nothing offensive about calling a homosexual person gay but if you look back at gay gay used to be something else yeah and then some or another it became gay but it to the point or became homosexual but it to the point of it being the way to say it's not offensive at all gay people use it oh i'm gay you know they'll use it that way and it's not an offensive term at all it's not i'm homosexual they say i'm gay but it never it never got bad you know it's not like, oh, I'm a faggot.

[1032] You're like, whoa, oh, dude.

[1033] Don't say that about yourself.

[1034] Don't use that term.

[1035] Don't use that thinking, you know, but gay is not that.

[1036] Gay is just homosexual to the point where it's actually on, like, you know, you can sign things.

[1037] Are you gay?

[1038] You have to, like, it's weird.

[1039] It's weird how that that one got accepted.

[1040] Like, it's okay.

[1041] I'm just happy that it's now, like, during the kid show, I'll say the gay pride parade and it doesn't offend people.

[1042] That's the worst when you can't, you say gay something.

[1043] You know, like, that's like, as a comic, it's just brutal.

[1044] You have to, like...

[1045] Gayes are silly, and you should be able to make fun of them.

[1046] There's a lot of fun in there.

[1047] Or just say gay pride parade.

[1048] It's not making fun of it.

[1049] Like, the joke was, like, I was at the gay pride parade in New York.

[1050] It was the Puerto Rican Day Parade and the gay pride parade.

[1051] Ricky Martin walked 127 miles.

[1052] Because he's both gay and Puerto Rican, right?

[1053] That's very funny.

[1054] But I'm happy that I could say that at a kid show.

[1055] It's not offensive.

[1056] Right, right, right.

[1057] That's the worst when you have to, like, oh, you can't say gay around kids.

[1058] Like, why not?

[1059] I think it's pretty clear that the standards for what's offensive are changing.

[1060] because of the internet it's pretty pretty obvious you know i point to fear factor when i first started doing it to when when i first started doing it was like 2002 to what they tried to get us to do in 2011 is a very completely different level of acceptance like we're trying to get them to drink cum you know they and they they did it they drank jugs of come that would have never flown before the internet there is no fucking way no i love it i love the Sons of Anarchy and Breaking Bad and Dexter, I don't know Dexter with cable, but I love the fact that shows that I can actually watch and not feel like they're, it's always like, I feel like in comedy and life, it's always that, the one person, it's never the 99 people.

[1061] It's like, oh, one guy wrote a letter, well, what about the 300 people at the show who didn't?

[1062] Oh, well, the one person wrote a letter.

[1063] It's like, you always have to pander to that person.

[1064] Yeah, and I think it's like, oh, so many people like, oh, it's like, well, was anybody offended?

[1065] No, okay, we're fine.

[1066] Not that everyone laugh.

[1067] It's nobody was offended.

[1068] Well, what they want to try to do is they want to be edgy and they want to take chances, but they don't want to fall.

[1069] And so then you're not edgy and you're not taking chances.

[1070] So you'll never get edgy and you're never going to get chances on something like, you know, mainstream talk shows.

[1071] The Tonight Show is pretty squeaky.

[1072] Except for, you know what, Norton actually said that his sets on the Tonight Show, they give him more leeway.

[1073] No, they gave me, I did that joke on Leno.

[1074] I did a bunch of jokes on that, like, they're like, fine.

[1075] They're getting more.

[1076] Norton's risque, which is great Because it's like They have to Because otherwise, I'm not entertained I'm not gonna laugh at a sitcom That like I know the jokes are Written for a 12 year old Yeah Or a conservative housewife It's not gonna make me laugh And that is a form of programming too It doesn't seem like it is But for really stupid people it is When you give them mundane thoughts And mundane art and mundane comedy And it's watered down bullshit over and over again And they accept it It's some dulling.

[1077] It's dulling because it's like you're just watching it because it keeps moving and it keeps being on.

[1078] There keeps being things that you can follow, but you're not getting any satisfaction or following these things.

[1079] So when you're watching like really dull, stupid thoughts that are being exhibited in these shows, it's like dulling your, like your reality is so fucking boring and you're so misdirected that you're actually.

[1080] actually sitting there watching an artificial reality that's infinitely more boring than the actual reality you live in, but you're locked in, watching this stupid fake dad with this stupid fake argument, with this stupid fake wife.

[1081] And you're watching these two knuckleheads going back and forth with this artificial resolution doesn't make any sense in the real world.

[1082] Well, you know, we got to keep this family together and like, yeah, the fuck.

[1083] You're breaking people's brains with that horse shit.

[1084] When you make people watching people watching.

[1085] stuff like that.

[1086] You're pumping shit thoughts into their pea brains and it sloshes around there and taints everything.

[1087] That's why I get upset when you say the Hockey comic makes a joke and they laugh because I think to that, back to that, of like, they're laughing at what they've been trained to laugh at, which is bullshit.

[1088] Sometimes they're laughing just at a rhythm.

[1089] You know, there was a lot of comics, especially in the 80s that weren't funny at all.

[1090] They just had, they would say funny, in a funny way, with a rhythm.

[1091] Yeah.

[1092] Oh, yeah.

[1093] And somehow, another, they thought that that was...

[1094] I work with some of these guys.

[1095] I'm like, oh, I did Carson, I did Leno.

[1096] I'm just like, oh, man. The creativity, you know, that's one...

[1097] For a lot of folks, it's the most difficult aspect of it.

[1098] The creativity, the ability to create bits, the ability to come up with stuff that's relevant and funny.

[1099] That's what Brian Callan, I called him up one day, and Callan's always been, like, kind of a mentor to me. And he's like...

[1100] Uh -oh, someone's gonna fucking hit the rocks.

[1101] Like, but Callan's like...

[1102] One day, I'm like, Calum, me. I didn't get Montreal, my manager left me, I got thrown off last comic, whatever I was telling him, and he's like, bro, put your head down and right.

[1103] That's, just keep working.

[1104] Don't, and that's, to me, like, what I have to remind myself to do is just have tunnel vision of, like, don't worry about what everyone else is doing and everyone else who's succeeding.

[1105] And that's the hardest part for me is to, like, actually do that.

[1106] Yeah, that's why what we were talking about earlier about, you know, you were like, when do you have the time to look at all these different things and read all these different things.

[1107] Well, those are the things that are interesting to me because I don't have to worry about the other stuff anymore.

[1108] And when you don't have to worry about, like, you know, if they're constantly scramble and worry, like, what's going to happen with my career?

[1109] Where am I going to be in a year from now?

[1110] Am I going to be able to pay my bills?

[1111] Yeah.

[1112] When that shit's out of the way, you can just concentrate on things that you find interesting.

[1113] And oddly enough, I'm more productive that way than I ever was, in a way where I was just trying to be productive, you know, and concentrating on that.

[1114] Instead of concentrating on the actual stuff, I'm doing.

[1115] But now, now because I can concentrate on the actual stuff I'm doing, whether it's podcasts or writing comedy or working for the UFC, I can concentrate only on that stuff.

[1116] Yeah, that's what I'm, that's the, that's the one thing about like the ships or whatever, like the downtime to create is like, like I've finally like, you know, finished two scripts and sell those, sold the TV show to Fuel a couple months ago.

[1117] Oh, really?

[1118] That's awesome.

[1119] Congratulations.

[1120] Oh, thanks.

[1121] Fuel actually just got some cable award for being the fastest growing, um, channel on cable in 2012 they gained more more viewers on two thousand well they didn't pick it up but it's sold it to them it's a lot of it things the UFC oh it's all because there's so much fights on oh they're great over there it's fucking incredible you watch fuel most most days you're what there's fights on yeah it's like basically like the fucking UFC network it is the US it's great beautiful and uh and now I'm like producing another show you know and then working on you know like I did Leno that was cool so this is constantly working you know you I kind of get the MMA roasted bigger because I think it's like...

[1122] Well, there's a, you know, huge market for MMA fans now and to have like a strict humor site.

[1123] Like, there's a few guys that do like Tommy Tohold.

[1124] Yeah, he's funny.

[1125] Hilarious, man. Those things are fucking hilarious.

[1126] And, you know, there's a few other sites that have done like animations and stuff like that.

[1127] The really funny people are the memes people.

[1128] Oh, yeah.

[1129] And the animated gift people and Photoshop people.

[1130] Don't make me laugh.

[1131] Or even like, like, someone overrun.

[1132] to post in the thread and I'll look down and the guy takes like an 80s like a 1950s movie goes get out get out get out with the word get out exactly it sticks it in the thread it's just like oh my god there was a picture of me at the wayans um oh the cane velasca at juno dos santos fight and i when i'm at the wayans see for folks who uh like put it in perspective all right for me uh i'm a i'm a i'm a huge fight fan i've always been a fight fan my whole life it's pretty obvious anybody sees me do, or listens to me rather, do commentary.

[1133] I don't have to fake, like, whether or not I'm excited about that.

[1134] That is, I'm, I've always been obsessed with it.

[1135] With the sport of mixed martial arts, it's, you know, to me, it's the moment of the way in is a really special aspect of that, because these guys, they're going to circle around each other in the hotels and the lobbies, and they might shake hands even, they might post for a picture even, They might have to do some press shit together And they've been thinking about nothing but each other For six, eight weeks, even more You know, I mean, for some dudes They're scheduling big fights months in advance, right?

[1136] And then they're standing there And they get off that scale And they step towards each other And they hold their knuckles in front of each other And they know that in less, in 24 hours Just a little bit more than 24 hours actually They're going to throw down Like all this shit is coming to an end tomorrow And that moment right there is so intense You're looking over at Junior Dos Santos He's a fucking killer He knocked Kane Velazquez out in 64 fucking seconds The first time they mean And you see Kane who before that Everybody thought was the baddest motherfucker on two wheels And it was going to be a really hard beat that guy Everybody was thinking Kane's just going to put that wrestling pace on you Keep shooting those doubles until you wear out And then hammer fist you into oblivion And that's what he did to Junior But before this fight man You looked at the two of them And there was so much on the line the UFC heavyweight title and the fact that he had knocked Kane out in the first round of first fight and when Kane raised his knuckle up to Junior's face the same way Junior does and they just both stood their ground like that Woo!

[1137] God damn there's some fucking energy in that room you're like this is going to be some epic shit tomorrow the two of them just staring at each other no one blinking right the two best heavy weights on the planet ready to fucking throw bombs that's a funny video funny picture though oh my god they took that picture and put it on everything i was babies i was uh i was coming out of women's vaginas i was dying laughing during that i was uh that's like to me that's the thing about like the great thing about m a rosa is that like half the fans are wrestlers or jihitsu people right even more it's like i can never get those people like whatever in a room but in the on this thing that's like all these jihits are in the geese right right right right and like i'm doing jokes that like no one's going to get but those people or or ufc fans like i'm like you know you know you watch too much mama when your girls friends like the banger and you pass your guard and people like people laugh at that because they get it you know but if i did that on stage people like what what the what's past regard what are you talking about you know so i feel like i'm speaking a language and only these these people speak right which is pretty cool you could do it you could open up my show and people would understand i bet 99 % would understand what past the guard means probably yeah i mean that's like uh to me that's that's the cool thing is that i'm able to communicate with people that I never thought I'd be able to communicate with because there were actually guys who I wrestled they wrestled or I did this or I train they train you know like I love UFC they love UFC which is getting gay again I don't know what happened oh fuck man that uh that is a beautiful thing about the internet the fact that look at this dude that is the funniest thing these pictures are ridiculous the beautiful thing about the internet is that it can't creates these are really funny it creates um fuck it forget what i'm saying fuck it it creates communities oh yeah dude you wrestlers can find each other you can find each other you know people that are into comedy or people are in the fucking whatever it is some of the is that a real photo pull that up the one how many different nutty things that guy see the fucking guy the guy bus people for uh what the fuck is his name again chris hansson chris hardwick he says no chris hardwick is the nerdist you son of a bitch chris hansson um chris hardwick's a good guy how dare you how dare you um chris hanson how much fucked up shit did that guy see i mean that guy saw like one child rapist after another over and over and over again nick de paula said the guy is so unlikable you almost root for the predator It's true, right?

[1138] There's something about that guy that, like, you end up...

[1139] He's a creepy douche.

[1140] Yeah, yeah.

[1141] The guy from cheaters and him, both...

[1142] Anytime you do a show where you go around busting people.

[1143] Well, Duncan interviewed the guy from cheaters recently.

[1144] He said it was a really good podcast.

[1145] He said the guy was surprisingly smart.

[1146] I'm sure.

[1147] He said it was really interesting.

[1148] I don't know.

[1149] Joey Dreco.

[1150] Put it out there.

[1151] No, I'm serious.

[1152] Probably was smart.

[1153] I think a lot of that show was bullshit, too.

[1154] Like a big, big...

[1155] Like, when he got stabbed.

[1156] Was that bullshit, Brian?

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] You think so?

[1159] Yeah.

[1160] Oh, man. I don't think you're allowed to fake stabbing.

[1161] they would have to be like a police record we watched it on a past podcast it's really ridiculous really you think it's fake but I think you went to the hospital no Brian calls fake on everything though he's right a lot though he gets it right a lot a lot of fake shit on the internet okay don't be fooled Adam Hunter oh no it's true so these videos that you're doing how many of those are you gonna do am they roasted yeah I'm gonna keep putting them out there I mean I love it you know I love doing it It's fun.

[1162] I wish it got more hits.

[1163] Well, everybody wishes they were more successful, Adam Hunter.

[1164] Everybody wishes it got more hits.

[1165] Everybody wishes their tweets were read by more.

[1166] I know.

[1167] I know.

[1168] It's been a lot of time wishing.

[1169] I wish it.

[1170] I should have been picking a well or something.

[1171] But, yeah, I'm going to keep doing them, man. I enjoy watching the fights.

[1172] I enjoy having a reason to watch fights.

[1173] And I'm producing a pilot now.

[1174] Hopefully the O .C. will, you know, where it's like Chelsea lately, but about M .A. Really?

[1175] Oh, that's funny.

[1176] and it's me and that Tripoli are working on it and Joey Varner so it's going to be great that's interesting because it really is only like a couple of MMA shows and there's no comedy shows like there's funny aspects of shows but there's no strictly comedy so I think this would be good because you do the topics of the day and the monologue that guy that's um on the spike show the bald guy yeah yeah isn't he like he's not he's a comedian or he's I think he wants to be like he's a radio guy but he think he's trying to be like uh the guy ESPN who's trying to be like like that gym room type that like the grumpy disgruntled fan uh right right right i don't i think of some of i watched some of this stuff it was a little bit like i wouldn't i would take a different path you know i i try not to be disrespectful ever well that's a sports guy thing a lot of those sports guys like the shit all over the players and they've never played anything everybody they've never i mean i think i mean i'm not saying i got to a high level wrestling but i didn't get to like high level wrestling you know what does that mean son you just contradicted yourself with a comma meaning I won the New England's prep school four years in a row I was only the third person never do it and then I I won the all New England twice and then got a scholarship to Hofstra by Tom Ryan but I didn't take it I went to Bingham so I got to a high level but I didn't get to a high level like Olympics or National Division 1 I wrestle D3 for like a semester you know I get to like a your eye favor or Gaines or Johnny Hendrix and that's a different level yeah what do you think separate separates a guy like Johnny Hendricks, like a real high -level guy who's very successful as an amateur wrestler.

[1177] What do you think separates him from other people?

[1178] Like a Luke, like a Jake Rockhold or something, who is very high -level wrestler but didn't succeed in the UFC sort of?

[1179] No, no, no, no. I mean, what's the difference between a guy like that and, you know, a D -3 wrestler or a guy who's not, you know...

[1180] I mean, not to offend any D -3 wrestlers because I don't have to be careful with this.

[1181] Right, because some of them are talented, too.

[1182] They're tough.

[1183] Some of them are super tough.

[1184] Some of the D2, I mean, it's like, Kain, Carwin was like a D2 wrestler.

[1185] Or D3 maybe.

[1186] It was D2.

[1187] You know, and some of the guy, Connor Hume, the friend of mine was a D3 wrestler.

[1188] They're tough as hell.

[1189] I just think D1, it's just, uh, it's, the practices are probably, you know, it's just the better caliber.

[1190] So for Division 1, it's essentially, if you want to be a competitive wrestler and you're in high school, you look for a D1 college.

[1191] Versus a D3 college?

[1192] Yeah.

[1193] If you want to be, like on an Olympic team.

[1194] Like for me, the reason I chose Binghamton, for me, was I was like, well, I don't want to make it my whole life, but I still want to wrestle.

[1195] So I don't want to have it, you know, all year around, I want to do it a couple months out of the year, and I still want to, but it was still my whole life.

[1196] Right.

[1197] Once I got there, because it's the kind of sport, you're as good as you want to be.

[1198] Yeah.

[1199] It's your whole life, you know, so, but I would say like, like Matt Hamill started off as a D1 wrestler, placed all the All -American, went D -3.

[1200] I think he won't, like, two years in a row or three years in a row.

[1201] So it's just a harder level, you know, it's a better, but a guy like Johnny Hendricks, why are we on this, what was the?

[1202] Just the difference, like what makes a guy?

[1203] I mean, just more, more hours of practice.

[1204] That's all it is, you think?

[1205] I think so.

[1206] I mean, because some of those, it's, to me, you got to go with, well, what testament of, like, wills?

[1207] You know, how much did they love it, too?

[1208] You know, it's like, I loved wrestling, but I also loved the attention I was getting in high school from it because it was a small.

[1209] school and I was a big star, big fish in a small pond.

[1210] When I got to college, no one really gave a fuck about wrestling.

[1211] It was like one of those sports, like, oh, you're, except for the wrestlers and a couple groupies, but it wasn't like I wasn't like I was in high school.

[1212] So I miss being that star, kind of.

[1213] And I was like, well, if I'm not going to be the star.

[1214] Oh, really?

[1215] That's funny.

[1216] What a needy bitch you are.

[1217] I hate to admit this.

[1218] No, it's a very refreshingly honest.

[1219] And in a normal way of thinking, too, by the way.

[1220] You know, nobody wants to do something where they, I mean, there's a lot of people that are doing sports that are very obscure and they have like inferiority complexes about that you know like you ever talked to someone who does like an obscure sport you know like water polo or something they play three cushion billiards or something like that they want to tell you how awesome it is yeah you know it's it's it's weird they like have like insecurities oh yeah well and that's the thing I think anytime I think anytime you're an athlete though and you like to me I was I felt like an average kid but then when I got wrestling all of a sudden that something made me special right you know and then you don't wrestling more to like to me I didn't feel special anymore you know yeah and you know what that's um what i'm gonna call you needy bitch you know i'm only fucking around because i i was exactly the same way a hundred percent the same way um and growing up when i started doing martial arts it was the only time i ever felt like i was worth anything like because everything else that i had done i mean i i was a but i was like 15 years old when i got serious about martial arts but other than that anything else i had done it's just like art like artistic stuff but i didn't know if there was any future in that i didn't know like i thought it was a loser you know right so getting good at something anything was like what gave me my identity yeah you know i think that happens for a lot of guys especially guys like you or i that grew up without you know one of our family members absolutely i mean the good thing about wrestling though for me was that not to knock water polo or another obscure sport but is that it really did teach you about character like holy fuck well i'm sure water polo would teach you character too but there's a different level there's a different level The level of not just tenacity, but the ability to endure hardship and the ability to overcome uncomfortable situations.

[1221] I know a lot of wrestlers from high school that fuck their body up in high school.

[1222] Dehydrated themselves to the point they look like zombies and walking around and couldn't eat in the wrong weight classes.

[1223] Getting pummeled on the mat because of it every day.

[1224] I watched these guys like, I watched a dude who all his brothers like 6 -2, 6 -1, 6 -1, 6 -2, big giant guys.

[1225] he's like 5 -5 -6 I'm sure I do that because he was constantly dieting the weight cut though like they you know I would be 18 pounds like one week out for the match and then it was like okay just eating just strictly salad not even anything else you're spitting in a cup all day sleeping with the windows open the shiver off weight while you sleep yeah putting the heat up to like 110 and then and then trying to put as much like layers on so that I would like sweat.

[1226] Then a couple of kids my year died from jump over and being in the shower with the steam on.

[1227] They passed out.

[1228] Jesus.

[1229] Fucking Christ.

[1230] So, yeah, that was brutal.

[1231] But that, to me, when I used to co -in the match at the college, the 10 matches I had, because that's what I kind of wanted to prove that I could wrestle on a college level and then stop in some ways because I was always called the prep school champ, you know, versus like...

[1232] But once I went out there and you were so hungry, you want to kill the fucking guy.

[1233] Like, I'm like, you made me fucking starve for fuck.

[1234] I was getting pussy before wrestling.

[1235] I was...

[1236] Man, against the anger and pussy with this guy again.

[1237] Look at him.

[1238] He put his finger down fucking hard on the table.

[1239] I'm going to fucking kill this person in front of me. Like, because this fucker made me starve.

[1240] I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill him.

[1241] So you would get, you would actually get like real anger at your opponents?

[1242] I was angry at myself, my opponent, my life, the whole world because they made, I was like, fuck.

[1243] They made you do what you're doing?

[1244] They didn't make me do shit.

[1245] I made myself.

[1246] I was angry at whatever.

[1247] Did I think eat?

[1248] The eating was like brutal.

[1249] I think I'm too logical for that.

[1250] I never got angry.

[1251] at opponents, but I would get anger at myself if I fucked up.

[1252] I would get angered myself if I lost.

[1253] But I don't remember ever really being angry at it.

[1254] Then I started being a dick.

[1255] People take a bad shot.

[1256] I would clap at them.

[1257] Oh, really?

[1258] Like, while you were wrestling?

[1259] Well, I was wrestling.

[1260] I would hit someone in the head, like, not even shoot just to fucking punch him in the head.

[1261] Wow.

[1262] Dude, my first, in my middle school wrestling team in Long Island, we were like the worst.

[1263] Every kid was a bad sport.

[1264] We'd all cry and we lost and throw chairs and like just curse out the other coach.

[1265] Right, right.

[1266] I got to boarding school.

[1267] I tried that.

[1268] My first match, I lost, and I threw a chair, and they kicked me up the team for, like, they're like, made me pick up rocks for an hour.

[1269] One of the really good things about doing Taekwondo as an organized sport was that the school that I did it with, they were really big on manners.

[1270] They were really big on calling everyone, sir.

[1271] It was Mr. Kim and Mr. O'Malley, and when they talked to, it was yes, sir, no, sir.

[1272] So because, like, they enforced this sort of code of conduct in your, in your behavior, It made me, like, behave, like, way better in competition than I would if I was just all wild and willy -nilly like a wrestler.

[1273] Oh, yeah.

[1274] No, that's a thing.

[1275] And then, but then I got to college, and I lost my third match, and I threw the chair again.

[1276] I went right back to being a...

[1277] When did you calm down?

[1278] Because, you know, you're a pretty calm guy now.

[1279] Yeah, I mean, although, like, you know, that fight I got into the other comic who punched me in the face.

[1280] Yes, that other comic.

[1281] That's unfortunate.

[1282] The most unfortunate thing is what he said to you while you guys were doing it.

[1283] He said, I took his joke, right?

[1284] No, no, not even that.

[1285] Oh, we're all dying in hell together?

[1286] Yeah, could you imagine that?

[1287] A guy's attacking you, and he says, tonight we die in hell.

[1288] And I was like...

[1289] That's what he said.

[1290] Tonight we die in hell.

[1291] How drunk is that dude?

[1292] I mean, he's quoting movies from the 90s.

[1293] What movie was that?

[1294] Tonight we die in hell?

[1295] It was a Gladiator.

[1296] Was it gladiator?

[1297] I didn't know that, because I go, why did he want to die in hell?

[1298] And then someone told me...

[1299] Dying, dying.

[1300] And he said it was, that's what they said.

[1301] It was dying.

[1302] But that guy was able to channel my rage real quick.

[1303] You know, like, that's when it, sometimes you don't, you think, I find in life that I think I have something under control.

[1304] I think I got it going.

[1305] But sometimes that one trigger.

[1306] Well, you know, sometimes people can mistake a nice person for someone who's a guy that they can fuck with, too.

[1307] You know, and you're always a friendly guy, and that happens too.

[1308] Especially when people get drunk and they get stupid, they just make mistakes.

[1309] you know alcohol is a terrible drug for decision making it's amazing that we make as few shit decisions as we do because you would really realistically look at the access to alcohol that the modern adult has and uh how many people have basically got their shit together it's kind of shocking yeah you know we should all be a fucking complete and total wreck with it just a a gigantic laundry list of mistakes that you've made every time you've had a few drinks oh man my my girlfriend uh I got banned from drinking on the cruise when I took her with me. That was the worst.

[1310] I got a letter saying my girlfriend couldn't drink.

[1311] Oh, that's awesome.

[1312] She's sober now.

[1313] That was an issue, but she's...

[1314] That was it.

[1315] I like the way he said.

[1316] That was an issue.

[1317] But, uh...

[1318] Immediately, I just, I'm seeing flashes of people that I've known that have issues and what that could be and all that entails scenes in movies where girls are really crazy drunk and Adam sitting there shaking his head.

[1319] about fucking beers flying in the air plates are dropping that was the that was the worst man she started fights she with me she's like I want to take I want to learn juditsu she would say juditsu and hang on my neck I'm like it's jujitsu you know like it was she wants you to fuck her she does want me to fuck it but that's what that was no she would get drunk and uh it was like she would be like we were in Canada I'm walking home you know it was kind of a you know she tried to walk home from Canada yeah but she's I love her she's the love of my life and she's great she's definitely listening to this other podcasts I can do that no one will hear so it's the same girl that you're with now yeah two years we've been together she's half Filipino half Swedish hey man people get drunk they fuck up shit happens no alcohol is evil evil drugs for some people it definitely is everybody has a different reaction I've seen people drink and they get a little silly and that's it and I've seen people drink where fucking shark eyes their pupils go black and they're gone and they're not there you're looking at them and they're looking right through you they're like they're in another world they're like they're on the winning the poo ride at Disneyland fucking living their life in bright bright neon colors and floating honey pots they don't know what the fuck is going on I've seen it I've seen it in good friends and I know when I've talked to them the next day that they don't have any recollection whatsoever of the night yeah I mean the I know and I and I didn't know that really until I started taking I was taking Adderall for a while to like calm me down and then ambient at night to sleep And I would start to have, like, they talk about Ambien zombies.

[1320] Wow.

[1321] Well, I'm glad, listen, I'm glad you're willing to talk about that, because this Adderall problem is a big problem.

[1322] I know a gang of people now.

[1323] It's, like, it was just only, like, three a couple of weeks ago.

[1324] But now I know, like, six or seven people that have had problems with that shit.

[1325] Adderall?

[1326] Yeah.

[1327] Yeah, I mean.

[1328] Well, the descriptions that I've heard from people, like Duncan's description of the way it makes you feel is just, horrific.

[1329] Your description's pretty horrific.

[1330] I don't know.

[1331] I just think it reminds me of Coke, and I don't really like the Coke buzz.

[1332] It just makes me want to do more Adderall, like, just like, I want to do more Coke.

[1333] You know, it didn't really change that much for me, honestly.

[1334] Like, it was like, it definitely made me a little more focused and it kept me up a little more.

[1335] Just a little more?

[1336] Yeah, it wasn't.

[1337] Just you're taking speed, and it's just a little more.

[1338] But I'm telling you how I felt.

[1339] Right, right, right.

[1340] I'm not telling you what, like, I wouldn't recommend.

[1341] Well, maybe you were a good person for it.

[1342] I wouldn't recommend it.

[1343] Yeah, that's what I think.

[1344] Well, that's the thing.

[1345] was like, I, if I go to a therapist and she said family history, oh, my mom had schizophrenia, oh, my dad is in recovery, my sister's in recovery, my brother's in recovery.

[1346] Then they go, okay, what do you need?

[1347] You know, that's pretty much like, how they do it with me, you know?

[1348] And so then they gave me, like, you know, Selexa, because I was at an OCD battle for a while.

[1349] Like, I would just, like, my mind was just not stop going, and I would think that I was driving and I hit somebody, even though I didn't, I circled the blocks.

[1350] Whoa.

[1351] I just had, like, high school was rough.

[1352] Like, OCD was rough in high school for me. What do you think, if you had a guess, what do you think that's based on?

[1353] Is that something that comes from stress and environment?

[1354] Is that something that comes from?

[1355] For me, I mean, I think it's genetics.

[1356] Genetics.

[1357] Because, like, for me, I went to go see a specialist, and they said in a one to ten, you're about a four.

[1358] And, you know, you could either go take psychotherapy or every day you could take a pill.

[1359] And then that'll, I was like, I'll take a pill, you know, because other than.

[1360] So I started to.

[1361] So the obsessive -compulsive behavior is based on, it's like an imbalance of something?

[1362] lack of serotonin in your head you know what that means you know so they give you like an s sri is that what it is yeah and then it was you know i've been on it for like on and off a little bit but i'd say on for a good like 10 years 12 years oh wow and uh the the selexa and it's help because i mean i literally i would like like whatever like you're not supposed to think about is like what you think of like for me how how how how my mind work you know and so i would just start like thinking that oh my ass is dirty all day like even though I knew it wasn't fucking ass, I would wipe my fucking ass.

[1363] And then all of a sudden, whenever I got stressed, like, I had a hot chick one time with their legs fucking spread.

[1364] I'm like, hold on.

[1365] I got to go take a shower.

[1366] I got to start fucking having panic attacks in my head.

[1367] Really?

[1368] And it was fucking brutal.

[1369] And it's based on a lack of serotonin, huh?

[1370] That's what the therapist said, or the psychiatrist or psychologist.

[1371] The human mind is so fucking fascinating.

[1372] You know, that levels of this and that can change things for pro and con. It's really kind of, it's so weird because, like, that's basically the quality of your life is based on your ability to think and move, right?

[1373] That's it.

[1374] Those are your, that's, and your loved ones, obviously, but the quality of your life is based on some shit that we don't completely understand.

[1375] Like, how many of us, you know, are aware of all these different functions that are going off at any given second that allow you to string together the words to complete a sentence.

[1376] Yeah.

[1377] There's all those fucking firing going on inside your head.

[1378] and we just hope it keeps going.

[1379] We just hope it makes sense and hope it works.

[1380] And I think it's great when there's stories like yours that sort of override a lot of the stories that you hear.

[1381] Like there's a lot of, especially recently with the school shootings, there's been a lot of talking about SSRIs and connecting antidepressants to school shootings.

[1382] And there's a huge number.

[1383] So it's nice to hear both sides of it and hear a positive story that it took you and balanced you out yeah it did i mean it i definitely didn't like i was always worried like take it during wrestling season because i figured i was i was gonna lose because my friend had a similar thing started taking it started losing matches and in my mind that was like well if i take it because what happens is your mind just never stops so if i do this this is going to happen you know those like commercials they have uh for like this person went like this person and then that person and then next thing i know don't be uh whatever right right you don't talking about those insurance forgot the name of the brand whatever so that's kind of what happens here like oh if I don't get a boner right now then I'm gay and if I'm gay I come out of closet my dad's gonna be disappointed and then my kids just go on do what is the current thinking on this kind of behavior is it nature or nurture because I know that they connect a lot of the way a child becomes an adult a lot of the weird shit that they have to lack of attention love and certain things lack of focus when when kids are really young.

[1384] I wonder what it is that makes someone develop like an aberration in the train of thought, like a weird thing that they can't control, and whether it is growing up in a life full of uncertainty when you need certainty the most.

[1385] I mean, in order to, you know, when you're a child, you want to think that everything's going to be fine.

[1386] But when you're a child, and you realize, well, there's absolutely no way everything's fine.

[1387] Everything is fucking a crazy mess, and this is life from here on out, and that's how your mind develops.

[1388] Oh, like before messily matches, like when I was the most nervous, I would call up my dean of my high school and be like, I took two desserts last year.

[1389] I'm not even kidding, I would do this.

[1390] And then he'd be like, okay, just go win the match.

[1391] And I go pin the kid.

[1392] It was like fucking insane.

[1393] Well, you just needed acceptance.

[1394] Yeah, I mean, a lot of that is, and then it's also, but I think also it's, I think if you could channel energies.

[1395] Like there was a, you know, I coached wrestling and there's so many kids out there that like, if they would just put the fucking effort into, like, that they put in a world of work or whatever into something else.

[1396] And I'm not saying anything that's wrong with World of Warcraft, but you know, then they would be so much more productive.

[1397] Right, right, right.

[1398] And that's what, you know, my high school the hide was about taking kids who are extremely negative shit going on and taking that into telling into positive.

[1399] Like you had to play a sport.

[1400] You had to, you know, talk about your feelings every week for like, you know, a couple hours a day.

[1401] Like, you have to go to seminars.

[1402] And I was there with like...

[1403] You had to talk about your feelings.

[1404] Yeah, you'd talk about your issues and I was there with like Jim Belushi son and Cherish kid was there and like all these like funny story I actually went to go visit my sister at the seminar one time and I was I was running away from the house and being a bad kid and then the sister they had these seminars that everyone talks about their problems and they said okay Lisa was like my sister and my dad were like come to the seminar so I like went and I'm like okay don't talk to me about anything I'm like a punk kid don't talk anything bad blah so right away my sister it's her turn to speak Adam you don't do with the loss of your mother.

[1405] You don't deal with anything.

[1406] And then I start crying and I'm like 12.

[1407] I'm like, fuck you.

[1408] And I walk out and I waited in the car for like 40s.

[1409] I'm like, I'm not going back to those fucking seminars at this boarding school in Maine.

[1410] So then I'm walking down this like hill and my dad is sitting with Cher because Cher's son went there.

[1411] Cher and Greg Allman's, the Alman brothers.

[1412] And then Cher's like, hey, my dad's like, hey, Sher, my kids having a really rough time.

[1413] Say hello to him or something.

[1414] So I'm walking 12 years old, 84 pounds.

[1415] And then Cher goes, hey Adam.

[1416] I go, hey, share.

[1417] And keep walking.

[1418] Like, didn't even fucking acknowledge her.

[1419] I was like, fucking, hey, Cher.

[1420] It just kept fucking walking.

[1421] Wow.

[1422] It's like, fuck this.

[1423] Yeah, Cher had kids with Greg Holman.

[1424] I forgot about that.

[1425] Because I thought, like, you went to school with Chastity Bono?

[1426] Chaz, yeah.

[1427] No, no, I went to, I went with Elijah.

[1428] Elijah Alman.

[1429] What is that kid like?

[1430] He was a cool kid.

[1431] He was like, you know, he was a really good musician.

[1432] He was on tour with, like, like, nine -ish nails or something.

[1433] Oh, really?

[1434] Like, when he was, like, 16 or something.

[1435] Man, the kids are celebrities like that.

[1436] like your dad's Greg Allman and your mother's share good luck yeah that's a fucking tough ride man I would yeah that's and that's what the thing is that that's the that's the beauty of being a kid but the hard part of being a parent is like no matter how successful you are like if you don't give a shit about them like you don't give a shit about you well not only that it'll come out it'll be pretty evident in the way they're raised you're gonna they're gonna be able you're gonna be able see how much time this person took and spent well I'm not saying sure was a bad parent I'm saying in general.

[1437] Well, a lot of people are bad parents because nobody told them how to do it right.

[1438] No one did it right to them, and they don't know how to do it right, and they fuck up, and they're a mess themselves, and they try to get it together for their kids, but they're weak.

[1439] Yeah.

[1440] You know, like most of us are.

[1441] You know, most people don't have a good, they don't have a good blueprint.

[1442] They don't have a good directions manual for this life.

[1443] They're just fucking making mistakes and apologizing and trying to pay as much attention to what everybody else is doing.

[1444] You see if I'm coaching, though, right.

[1445] Just coaching wrestling.

[1446] You see the kids, the parents come to the matter.

[1447] and parents come to practice and parents that don't and that how the kid is.

[1448] It's such a, you know, it's an easy example.

[1449] Yeah, it's real unfortunate when you see kids that are growing up with parents that don't give a fuck about them, you know, and you go to the park and like there were you, like, one kid, and you're like, who's watching you, man?

[1450] Kids like four years old and it's just like free at the park.

[1451] That's the hard part about these comedy shows on the cruises, like, that you got to do clean shows for little kids.

[1452] Right.

[1453] And kids, sometimes kids like, you're not at phone.

[1454] You know, like, a five -year -old heckles you, and I can't say anything back because I don't want to lose my job, you know.

[1455] Oh, no. So I always, I got my thing.

[1456] I look at the kid.

[1457] I go, look at me. I am your future.

[1458] And then the kid just, like, dead in his tracks.

[1459] Like, uh, he doesn't know what to say.

[1460] Completely confused.

[1461] You have to deal with five -year -old hecklers.

[1462] That's hilarious.

[1463] But the five -year -old, like, it's one of the parent heckles.

[1464] That's, I'm like, really, you're going to heckle me on a kid show.

[1465] They heckle with a, with the kid right there?

[1466] Yeah, they had, the parent heckles like, oh, when's the comic coming on or something.

[1467] And I'm like.

[1468] Oh, my goodness.

[1469] And I'm like, dude, I always say, listen, come back at 11 o 'clock at the adult show, and we could have this discussion, you know?

[1470] Right.

[1471] But then you turn it into the dark, the bitter comedy.

[1472] It's like such a fine line, you know?

[1473] Well, you know, people think they're on vacation.

[1474] They should be entertained, and if they don't think you're funny, well, I don't even like this.

[1475] I'm just going to speak my mind.

[1476] I paid $100 for this evening this belt.

[1477] Yeah.

[1478] $100 to be locked that closet every night.

[1479] But now it's like, like the cruises that I work for, it's young and it's just people fucking like like like it's I mean not like I mean that's it the whole cruise I mean you just see a lot of single people what kind of music like hip hop you see like the hip hop club at night I mean you might as well be having sex really the dancing that goes on is like I mean the guy has a fucking hard on the girl has her ass cheeks to him she's just bending over and he's just rubbing his fucking boner in her ass and everyone's like and it's just going on everywhere wonder how many dudes come doing that just dance just rubbing like this is awesome i mean it's you know they i mean is that cheating if you come while dancing no i don't think it is i don't think it is it's culturally it's accepted it's a dance move somewhere along the line that became the thing the way that people danced so they rub their ass against your dick that wasn't like normal that was like pretty rare just a few years back but now it's like fairly normal when people in clubs it's a lot of fun by the way this podcast thank you for having me on That should have been.

[1480] I was actually, I was more nervous about this than I was Jay Leno.

[1481] Why?

[1482] Why would you be nervous about it?

[1483] I don't, well, I don't know.

[1484] I was more nervous about this than anything because you are like an alpha male.

[1485] I mean, and it's not in a bad way, but you're Joe Rogan.

[1486] You have, like, you have this thing.

[1487] And then it's like, I never wanted to ask you for anything.

[1488] Like, everyone's like, why don't you have real, go on Root?

[1489] And I'm like, I don't want to ask him for anything.

[1490] You know, I don't want to be that guy who, because I don't want to do that, you know?

[1491] And I was just sort of like when I met you a couple times and I was like, I felt like I was that nerdy fanboy kid that was like, Who's it doing this one?

[1492] Who's the one?

[1493] And then you look like you couldn't wait to get away from me. No, no, no. You didn't seem like that at all, man. I felt like I was this annoying.

[1494] It's all in your head.

[1495] This annoying kid that bothered you.

[1496] And I wouldn't, and if I was you, I would feel the exact same way about me. I was like, who is this annoying kid that's asking me these questions?

[1497] No, this is all in your own head, man. There was none of that going on.

[1498] Just thought you were another funny comic.

[1499] That's it.

[1500] It's really simple.

[1501] And then I actually, like, did DM you once.

[1502] I said, hey, man, we did this and you didn't respond.

[1503] I'm like, great, I fucking blew it.

[1504] Like, he's not going to...

[1505] No, I don't even look at those things for the most part.

[1506] They'll get too many of them.

[1507] And that's where the OCD goes on.

[1508] I go, I go, like, 2 ,000 people, unfortunately.

[1509] I'm going to bomb.

[1510] I'm going to go all these negative comments.

[1511] And then everyone's going to say, you suck.

[1512] And then Dana White's going to be like, you're never working.

[1513] And then, like, to me, the next thing I know, I'm like...

[1514] The stuff that you take stops all that stuff?

[1515] No, it doesn't stop.

[1516] If I don't get sleep, the sleep thing is, like, big.

[1517] I had to stop taking Ammian.

[1518] That was the point because...

[1519] Oh, yeah, yeah, you were going to tell me that in the ambient story.

[1520] I was taking an ambient to go to sleep on the cruises because you lose the three hours when you fly and you're on a boat and blah, blah, and I couldn't sleep at night because the shows were at 12 .30 at night and then I'm up.

[1521] When I'm up, you know, comedy's adrenaline.

[1522] Like when you're up, I'm not going to bed an hour after my show.

[1523] Especially when five -year -olds are talking shit to you, man. You get fired up.

[1524] Yeah, exactly.

[1525] So then I started taking Ambien.

[1526] My dad changed your last name, dad, says, hey, man, take some ambient.

[1527] You'll knock you out in a second.

[1528] That's awesome advice.

[1529] What happened out of just melatonin?

[1530] My dad managed Alice Cooper in the 16.

[1531] That's the whole thing.

[1532] What happened to just jerking off?

[1533] He has a great Frank Zappa, bailing him about a jail story.

[1534] Really?

[1535] I'll tell you about that in a second.

[1536] So my dad says, hey, take this Ambience.

[1537] I started taking the Ambien.

[1538] And then next thing I know, the next day, my whole Twitter was filled with shit that I wrote.

[1539] I don't remember writing.

[1540] And I started, like, they said, like, you can get into, like, ambient zombies state.

[1541] Like, I didn't think that was true.

[1542] These people were just bullshitting.

[1543] I have a whole bit about it, about being in a hotel in San Francisco when it was on fire and all these people were waking up on Ambien.

[1544] so obvious.

[1545] And I was like literally, I had sex to my girlfriend one night.

[1546] I was like, hey, babe, what time you come home last night?

[1547] She's like, we fucked.

[1548] And I was like, oh shit, like we did fuck.

[1549] And then like little memories of us fucking.

[1550] And she's like, yeah, and you were great.

[1551] I was like, the best I've ever been was on fucking ambience.

[1552] I was like, the best I've ever been was on fucking.

[1553] The best I've ever been on fucking.

[1554] I was like, the best I've ever been fucking.

[1555] I'm like, hide your keys.

[1556] You don't drive.

[1557] But when you got to say hide your keys, you don't drive, maybe you shouldn't be taken this.

[1558] you know what kind of tweets did you send out i was being super nice all of a sudden i was like hey tim duffy big fan when's your next fight and he responded i was like Todd duffie big fan i was like so big i know your first name all these mma people like i was like answering all my people that tweet me like hey thank you and now but then it was misspelled words it was like choppy you went blurry yeah choppy sentences i have a friend who has a real problem with it i have i actually have several friends one that lives on the east coast i don't talk to him that often but he's got a real problem with it he can't sleep without that shit but the best sleep i ever got i mean i had that's that is the other side to it you're in a fucking you're in a coma i'm not interested cma yeah zinc zinc magnesium there's a lot a lot of a lot of different but you know then again my brain doesn't work the way your brain does i get obsessed with shit but i get obsessed like a singular i get obsessed like uh like what they'll be like something whatever it is a video game playing pool jujitsu whatever it is and then that's that's starts taking over my entire day and then everybody else is just taking up time before i can get back on the mats again or taking time before i can go play pool again or taking time you know that's i have an issue with that where i don't i'm not like a good balancer you know i do a lot of different shit and luckily it just sort of organically fits together but if it was just me i could go off the rails into the woods on either one of them right right right you know it's almost like i need a bunch of different things to fixate on all the time that's my my my issue that's great though yeah i have a hard time just chilling out i can't just like i have a hard time i'm the same way i i know i'm learning how to vacation and that's like some new shit for me i like doing it now like i'm getting i'm getting to the the idea but but before i go on vacation i have this wild crazy buildup where like i burn myself physically so i don't feel bad that i'm not going to work out on vacation you know i have like all these i write a shitload so that don't feel bad for not writing yeah i don't know so that's my only relaxing i've been doing lately it's watching whole seasons of movies like that's actually like i just finished sons of anarchy you watch that no i don't watch that i watched it once i didn't like it give it give it another shot fuck them tough shit can't get me but like homeland's got my love but like that i was watched the whole thing i'm you seen homeland no then shut the fuck up about sons of anarchy god really you don't even know how good homeland is homeland is fucking sensational it's one of the best shows I've ever watched.

[1559] I'm on season two right now.

[1560] I watched all, yeah, I watched all season one, and I was not excited about this other than the recommendations people were giving them.

[1561] It didn't seem like anything that was really interested in.

[1562] Like, terrorist sort of drama, like, why do I want to watch this?

[1563] But God damn, is it good?

[1564] God damn, is it good?

[1565] Every time that show ends, I go, damn, that's a good show.

[1566] And it makes you realize, like, and really appreciate the artwork of making a great television show.

[1567] Because it only comes along like once a year.

[1568] You know, once a year you've got a Breaking Bad or you've got a Sopranos or something like that.

[1569] It's like not even once a year.

[1570] It's once every two or three year.

[1571] More so now, I think, than ever before because there's so many of them on.

[1572] There's a boardwalk empire, which is sensational.

[1573] I just started getting into that.

[1574] There's, of course, you got the, there's so many.

[1575] I like Dexter.

[1576] Dexter's, I don't like Dexter anymore.

[1577] I watched Dexter for a little while.

[1578] Duxed had the funniest tweet.

[1579] I gave up on it.

[1580] You hear about his tweet, Doug Stanhope, he said it would be less realistic if they had a cartoon.

[1581] Moralistic if they had a cartoon next to Dexter, like walking around.

[1582] Right.

[1583] And that, like, I kept picturing the cartoon dog.

[1584] The cartoon with Dexter.

[1585] Well, I gave up on Dexter when the fuck is his name.

[1586] John Lithgow.

[1587] John Lithgow choked that chick in a bathtub.

[1588] It was the worst rear -naked chick I've ever seen in my life.

[1589] It was so unrealistic.

[1590] I could never watch the show again.

[1591] Dexter took advantage of you.

[1592] He didn't.

[1593] He didn't really.

[1594] choker.

[1595] There was no real choking.

[1596] I'm sorry.

[1597] You're going to fight back.

[1598] You've got to try to get out of this what I'm just choking you and cutting your leg.

[1599] You would be fucking flailing like death.

[1600] It would be insane.

[1601] That's so funny.

[1602] If a guy is going to choke someone to death, okay?

[1603] There's a struggle involved in that.

[1604] Even with a chick, you're going to realize your life is on the line.

[1605] And even if it's fruitless, there's going to be an attempt that it was the worst weird naked choke I've ever seen.

[1606] And it made me angry.

[1607] And as an MMA commentator and a Brazilian jih Tzu -Blackball.

[1608] You should do a commentator over that scene.

[1609] It wasn't really...

[1610] No, I won't do it.

[1611] It was fake.

[1612] It was just such a...

[1613] Look, this Claire Dane's chick who's in homeland, this bitch can act her tits off.

[1614] She went to, like, Yale or something.

[1615] She's so good.

[1616] She's so good.

[1617] Mrs. Rogan said it best.

[1618] She said that watching her, and then you watch the other people act, you're like, what the fuck are you all doing?

[1619] Do you see what she's doing?

[1620] Because this is, I mean, she plays a crazy person in it, too, and it's just off the...

[1621] chart good she's so good that when you you know you compare it to like crappy acting or boring acting it's just like come on man it's hard because once again it's like people they want to become famous they don't want to actually study the craft and then claire danes went to like oxford or like england she went to crazy school too bro let me tell you something you can't be you can't act crazy that good unless you know crazy intimately that's true that's a good fucking show man that homeland's good show but you think about there's madman now which is apparently a very good show boardwalk empire you know i like californication people are they don't is that good i've never seen it oh you love it really it's about a sex addict i think it'd like it you think it's good that guy's funny man he's so funny he's so funny he's a he's an interesting cat you know to go from being the guy from you know molly yeah what's what was his name older molder from the x files to being a sex addict and then in real life he's a sex addict too yeah supposedly supposedly yeah but that's that's that whole sex addict thing is hilarious it's a a funny uh compulsion you know it's also like one of those addictions that like because i i i went to an essay i actually went to a meeting one time as i thought i was a sex addict why because you likes girls no i went to one yeah because why because you like girls well i what happened was i was i had a girlfriend that like i was sort of cheating on like we weren't like official together but we were together you know like you don't make it official but you know you you're supposed to be together with the person.

[1622] I see what you're saying.

[1623] And so you still had a clause.

[1624] Because, you know.

[1625] Right.

[1626] Because, well, we never wrote anything down, even though we kind of live together now.

[1627] Right.

[1628] So, right.

[1629] So then I was like, you know what?

[1630] I'm sorry.

[1631] Because what happened?

[1632] I was getting, I was actually getting a blow job and my phone was on.

[1633] And the girl heard me talking, my girlfriend heard me talking shit.

[1634] Like, baby, you like that?

[1635] Oh, no. Yeah, when she called.

[1636] So it was like just a fucking.

[1637] So I was like caught in the act.

[1638] That's not good.

[1639] So I said to her, listen, I'll go to a meeting.

[1640] I'm a sex.

[1641] I use the sex ass.

[1642] I figured that was the best way to, like, get out of this.

[1643] So I went to a meeting.

[1644] I figured those meetings would be a great place to get led.

[1645] No, no, no. Well, one of them that was like, one of those things.

[1646] Well, they ask how many people here are required to be heard by law, right?

[1647] And then, like, a bunch of hands go up.

[1648] Those are the molesters.

[1649] Yeah.

[1650] So then the whole time I'm looking at them, wondering what they did.

[1651] Yeah, of course.

[1652] What they're guilty for.

[1653] So I couldn't even focus on that.

[1654] Actually, probably not a molester.

[1655] Probably someone who got caught with a hooker.

[1656] That's probably more correct.

[1657] that was trying to figure it out probably dudes who busted like streetwalkers like if you're a guy and you look if you're a girl and you get caught for prostitution it's you know there's a lot of cops looking for prostitutes but if you're a guy and you get caught with a prostitute it seems to me at least they're like you got to fuck up you got to do something stupid you're not streetwalking yeah you know like for the guy to get busted he's probably driving around his car picking up hookers and then the cops come up and they see a dude with a wig by what you just call him to your place call them your place i'll come yeah but if you're married some people don't there's that there some people don't want them to know where they live but i mean it's like it's not a lot of guys who get busted with that i would think i would think that more of more women get busted than than guys right uh i would think i don't know anybody's ever been busted with a hooker i've never heard of that before yeah but so that would that would be though i would think you would have to take like sex addiction counseling right if you got busted with a hooker they would say hey what's your problem you're a sex addict no well how about the dude just needed a blow job yeah yeah it's so funny it's so funny he's an addict it feels good you're addicted to things that feel good i know but there is come the buzz there's undeniable though compulsive activity you know when when people when someone is like one of those guys it's like jerking off like on his iPhone while he's driving like there's just people that do that you know there's oh yeah the The worst time I did was, I was in Korea, doing comedy for, like, the troops.

[1658] And there's a place called, like, Hooker Hill, right?

[1659] It's called Hooker Hill.

[1660] And it's, like, and it's all these, like, girls that they call them juicy girls.

[1661] Like, these Korean hookers, you buy them juice for, like, $10.

[1662] Oh, no. And they're, then they're your friend, you know, for the rest of the night.

[1663] What?

[1664] $10 is all it takes?

[1665] They talk to you for a couple hours, right?

[1666] Oh, they talk to you.

[1667] But then, but then you could negotiate some other shit.

[1668] So I was in Korea, and then some girl goes, I go, how much for a handjob?

[1669] And she's like, $100.

[1670] I'm like, I'll give you $10.

[1671] She's like, fine.

[1672] Whoa.

[1673] What?

[1674] Yeah, yeah.

[1675] So we go in the back, right?

[1676] Asian is usually so much better at negotiating.

[1677] So we go in the back.

[1678] And she's like, what do you do?

[1679] I'm like, oh, I'm a comedian.

[1680] And she goes, takes my dick and goes, hey, Jerry.

[1681] And I didn't know if she meant like Jerry Lewis or Jerry Seinfeld.

[1682] I couldn't figure out.

[1683] That's what I'm thinking about while getting the hand job, you know.

[1684] Wow.

[1685] So she used your dick as a microphone.

[1686] Yeah.

[1687] Yeah, it was ridiculous.

[1688] No, no, it was, it was fucking absurd.

[1689] I was like, that was young, it was 23.

[1690] Hooker Hill, huh?

[1691] What part of Korea is that outside of Seoul?

[1692] Right, outside of Seoul, yeah.

[1693] I mean, it's...

[1694] What is Seoul like?

[1695] It's got to be a strange place.

[1696] It's very, like, a lot of cheap clothes, Hooker Hill.

[1697] But, like, you walk into the bar.

[1698] That's all, that's all you saw.

[1699] And all of a sudden, heads come up, like, walk a mole.

[1700] You know, like, all of a sudden, like, this random Korean hooker's heads go up.

[1701] But, yeah, I went to Korea.

[1702] The weirdest, I was in Bahrain doing comedy for the military.

[1703] I did, like, Saudi Arabia, Japan, Korea, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

[1704] Wow.

[1705] And it was funny because, like, I'll talk about Bahrain.

[1706] So I'm like, there's, like, this club in Bahrain.

[1707] It's like English, British are there, the Saudi, like, whatever people from Saudi Arabia that are, like, sinning because Allah isn't in Bahrain, but he's in Saudi Arabia.

[1708] So that's where they go to, like, cheat on their wives and get hookers and drugs and drink.

[1709] Wait a minute.

[1710] What?

[1711] How does it work?

[1712] Because, like...

[1713] Allah's not in this spot.

[1714] As long as they leave Saudi Arabia.

[1715] Oh, really?

[1716] Well, I mean, this is what people told me. I'm not, you know...

[1717] That's a good religion.

[1718] So then they would...

[1719] You could take a flight and you just get your freak on.

[1720] So there was like a Filipino band playing, karaoke band that were dope.

[1721] They had a big hit in the 80s or something.

[1722] So all these like Korean hookers dancing around.

[1723] So I make friends with one of them.

[1724] I go back to her hor house.

[1725] I'm like, I got to see...

[1726] This is when MySpace first came out, right?

[1727] So I go to this Korean whorehouse in Bahrain, and there were all these, like, Americans, like, soldiers living there people were like camping like they had moved into the whorehouse right so I'm like like oh that's her boyfriend living with the with the girls and then whoa so then I was like trying to get like I'm like I take one over to the computer they had a computer that was like you know Apple 84 or something you know so I'm trying to show one of them my my space page oh no you're not oh my god and I'm trying to look in the Korean to English language to like know a comedian explain comedy you know it's so funny and then the then the hooker mom kicked me out she was like you can't stay unless you're going to buy one of the hookers oh that's hilarious it seems like that would be pretty cheap you just didn't want to pay i didn't i i didn't want to have sex you know i don't like to have didn't you owe them some money just for wasting all the time no i i love to waste bringing them over to a computer look this is me this is me they're like listen if you do this is a hooker place we're not here to look at your fucking resume yeah the you know i like wasting people's time that i find it funny i ended up the other comic on the tour because you beat him up I mean I like threw him on his head what happened was why'd you do that this guy like I was supposed to go with Glebe who's one of my best friends Ben Glebe but he had to bail out so I ended up going with this other guy from Texas black comic who's most racist guy he would go up there and be like George Bush is a fucking asshole to the military he would close with like peanut butter on his cock with dog licking off and I had to do his time and he kept calling me a fagged in front of all the soldiers Adam's a fag Adam's a fagg it just wouldn't stop why was he doing that he was just a bully Because I said Eddie Murphy's movies aren't as good anymore as they used to be.

[1728] Man, you don't know shit about Eddie Murphy.

[1729] It was just giving me a hard time, this guy, right?

[1730] Wow.

[1731] Just an angry fellow.

[1732] So we get to Africa, to Booty Africa.

[1733] You kicked his ass in Africa?

[1734] Yeah.

[1735] And I...

[1736] When the white man kicks a black man's ass in Africa.

[1737] Good day.

[1738] And I had to bail...

[1739] Especially one you brought in.

[1740] You brought him into the country to kick his ass.

[1741] And they shook us down in customs, right?

[1742] We go to customs, and they took his money.

[1743] We had to, like, it was all kind of weird.

[1744] So we go to...

[1745] They steal your money?

[1746] Yeah.

[1747] And I had to pay for him to get through customs, right?

[1748] Wow.

[1749] How much do they steal?

[1750] Like, 50 bucks.

[1751] How's it work?

[1752] What happened?

[1753] They were like, it cost $50 to come into this country, even though we already paid for the passport.

[1754] We already had it all clear.

[1755] So they brought this, you know, that, they didn't like say, give us your money, but we sold our money.

[1756] So we go there, and then we're in this canteen with all the soldiers, and I have to, and I'm ignoring this guy because he just keeps you fucking with me. So he's like, hey, man, you're a fag.

[1757] You hooked up with trainees in Saudi Arabia or something, right?

[1758] Which did not happen.

[1759] Okay.

[1760] Didn't happen.

[1761] I believe you would tell us.

[1762] He did.

[1763] I probably would.

[1764] I believe you would.

[1765] So then the guy I like pushed it.

[1766] I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I take his hat and push it down.

[1767] Then he comes at me and I over under and just hip toss him on his head.

[1768] Right.

[1769] Which was like, you know.

[1770] Probably had no idea was coming.

[1771] No idea was coming.

[1772] So I'm like, who's the fact now?

[1773] And then the soldiers have to break us up for fighting, right?

[1774] We came to entertain them.

[1775] Did you try to submit him?

[1776] No, I just, I just was like, you fucker.

[1777] Like, come on, dude.

[1778] Did you hit him at all when he was done?

[1779] No, no. Like the guy, we got broken up real quick, but the guy, Sergeant Haggerty took us into the bathroom.

[1780] And he's like, what's wrong with you guys?

[1781] You're going to, you know, on a peacekeeping mission, you know, you're going to find Jesus.

[1782] He goes, I'm either going to take your money.

[1783] This is what I do in my boys.

[1784] I'm going to take your money or I'm going to punch you in the stomach, right?

[1785] And we already got all our money stolen.

[1786] So we're like just punched in the stomach.

[1787] So the sergeant punches both in the stomach.

[1788] Really?

[1789] Yeah, and then I'm like thinking of myself.

[1790] Take your money or punch you in the stomach.

[1791] How much money?

[1792] I mean, he punched, well, we didn't have any money on it, so he just punched us.

[1793] But that seems ridiculous.

[1794] That's how he treats his boys, he said.

[1795] Wait a minute.

[1796] He robs him or punches him?

[1797] Either, yeah.

[1798] That's benefiting him in both circumstances.

[1799] Oh, the son of a bitch.

[1800] Corruption starts at home.

[1801] So the next thing I know, I'm thinking of myself, I'm in a bathroom in Djibouti, Africa, and I got punched in the stomach.

[1802] Like, how many wrong turns in my life do they make to get to this point, you know?

[1803] That's a lot.

[1804] Did you just take it as, like, an opportunity to work on your abs?

[1805] Oh, I was.

[1806] Tighten up, let them blast away.

[1807] Go ahead, bitch.

[1808] I had some.

[1809] Drennan, it didn't hurt, you know.

[1810] Long as it doesn't, like, hook you in the liver, something dirty?

[1811] Oh, that would have been terrible.

[1812] Dirty bastard.

[1813] Did you, like, make an agreement to where he was going to hit you?

[1814] No, he just punched in a stomach and then that me and the...

[1815] But in the stomach, like, I would have to be like...

[1816] It was like, how are you going to do this, man?

[1817] I mean, you're going to throw a hook?

[1818] I could actually take a decent punch.

[1819] Like, Mayhem punched me last week.

[1820] Yeah, I heard about that.

[1821] What happened?

[1822] Well, you know what?

[1823] Don't say, because then you could get sued.

[1824] Yeah, what, I could give a bad interpretation of Mayham.

[1825] I got a picture of a big lump on my head.

[1826] It was an accident.

[1827] could have happened anyway you could get hit in the head with the meteor how do we know those little shooting stars you see what if one burnt out just as it hits you just barely knocked you on your ass and gave you a little that's a good point is that possible is i want to know if anyone's ever been hitting the head by a meteor i really would like to know because i know they've landed in houses wow has anybody ever been hit by a meteor okay let's we got to google this okay i'm saying yes brian you're saying yes right man hit by me i'm saying they claim they have but how do you know it actually hit them?

[1828] Because he doesn't have an arm anymore.

[1829] What do you think?

[1830] Before I Google it, yes?

[1831] Does it happen?

[1832] Yes.

[1833] I think it happens a lot.

[1834] Coroner's report, man killed by meteorite that had...

[1835] Coroner's report, man killed by meteorite had marijuana in his system.

[1836] Oh my God.

[1837] So this dude, he was killed...

[1838] Wow, this is like fairly recently.

[1839] This dude was killed by a fucking meteorite.

[1840] He was high as shit.

[1841] And he was walking through the town of...

[1842] San Hoyo, California and he got hit by a meteorite.

[1843] That's some good weed right there.

[1844] That is unbelievable.

[1845] Yeah.

[1846] That sucks.

[1847] That's what you know you're having a bad day.

[1848] You know?

[1849] Like you have no luck.

[1850] God damn it.

[1851] I think this is a fucking parody.

[1852] Like didn't somebody get hit by lightning twice?

[1853] There's been a guy out there.

[1854] This is a parody, god damn.

[1855] Like imagine getting hit by lightning twice.

[1856] These sons of bitches, no. This was a parody.

[1857] They wouldn't tell you if a guy got killed by a media if you had pot in a system it's one of those silly websites where they're trying to be cute okay well this one is a guy who really did get killed by a meteorite wow this one's not funny at all make it funny it's impossible but i mean i'm saying it's not a funny story at all yeah there's a couple of people who didn't hit this one woman had a big gash on her arm but apparently she lived she got grazed by a meteorite which is even crazier think of that a meteorite came from another planet flew through through our solar system, penetrated our atmosphere, and then hit her in the arm almost, just grazed her.

[1858] Gave right second gash.

[1859] Wow.

[1860] Well, here's another one.

[1861] A man was struck by one and killed instantly.

[1862] Damn.

[1863] It appeared the meteor had come from a direction in the little west or south.

[1864] It fell obliquely at an angle of about 60 degrees.

[1865] It passed through a fall maple, cutting the limbs as clean as if it had been a cannonball and struck him, apparently on or under the shoulder passing through him obliquely from below the right shoulder to above the left hip and buried itself about two feet in the soft black ground motherfucker so it came through his armpit and came out his left hip and then went through the ground mother fucker what a shit piece of luck that is do you imagine it went through a fucking tree like a cannonball and then through his body right armpit to left hip and then two feet into the ground all in one big burst of what the fuck just happened and there's a giant hole in your chest and you think you've been you know probably hit with a cannon or something attacked by aliens you know a Congo load or something what the fuck man it's probably not a lot of people how many times does this happen probably not a lot of people I wonder you know oh here's another one people start oh wow okay there's actually a website that tracks reported deaths and injuries from meteorite impact and they have them all the way back to 1 ,400 B .C. in Israel.

[1866] See, always the Jews, one blames the Jews.

[1867] Yeah, they were keeping track even back then of dudes that got killed by meteorites.

[1868] I wonder has God killed any of your children with meteorites?

[1869] Call this number.

[1870] You may be entitled to shekel.

[1871] That's how they were keeping track.

[1872] One day, I'll tell God, you son of a bitch.

[1873] I lost my favorite son to a fucking meteorite.

[1874] And I want cash, conversation.

[1875] Yeah, all the way back to 1825, India.

[1876] Yeah, there's a website, just Google it, reported deaths and injuries from meteorite impact.

[1877] It's fascinating to think about how many fucking people died throughout history.

[1878] But overall, I would say it looks like it's only like 100 people throughout recorded history, maybe less, maybe less.

[1879] Incredible, man. But the really scary thing is how many meteorite showers there have been.

[1880] One of them was reported in China, in 1490.

[1881] Tens of thousands of people were killed during a meteor shower in the Shan Sea province.

[1882] Imagine that shit, man. Tens of thousands of people killed by flying rocks from the sky.

[1883] Just all the sudden, dooz, doze, doze!

[1884] Rocks are coming in and slamming your fucking family.

[1885] They said the similarities that it was like a similar type of impact to the Tunguska event.

[1886] That's the one that I think it was somewhere in Siberia flattened this in a huge area of forest that apparently exploded on impact like it came and as it was coming in like probably either exploded just above the ground or close to the ground and just broke apart because of the coming through and just leveled thousands of miles of trees just leveled just square miles gone of nothing.

[1887] I pulled that up, Brian.

[1888] Tunguska, Tunguska event.

[1889] That's crazy.

[1890] Yeah.

[1891] Just to let us know that that shit can happen at any time.

[1892] And this is something that happened.

[1893] I think it was the ninth, I feel like the 1920s or something like that.

[1894] But, I mean, that's like when we started really writing these things down and taking pictures of them.

[1895] You know, a couple of hundred years ago, there was no cameras.

[1896] So when things like these happened, you know, your stories about it are limited to just, people telling you what happened on like rocks and stuff but this tunguska event was very unique in the fact that you could actually see what a forest looked like before the impact and what it looked like after the impact and you just go whoa what the fuck and then you realize that was a nothing ball that was nothing that shit didn't do anything that i mean compared to what the the the one that hit the yucatan and killed all the dinosaurs that fucking thing didn't do nothing right but the photos of the devastation.

[1897] Those upper left photos, Brian, because they're all black and white because it's the 1920s.

[1898] The upper left.

[1899] It's where Henderson went to college back then.

[1900] Go up there.

[1901] Oh, you son of a bitch, cracking jokes.

[1902] That's what the forest looked like after it was over.

[1903] Like, look at that.

[1904] Look at that photo.

[1905] Just flattened like matchsticks.

[1906] The entire forest was like that.

[1907] I mean, wrap your head around that photo.

[1908] No one had ever seen anything like that where there was just mild and miles and miles and miles and miles of flattened trees completely pinned down to the ground flattened from space and there could be thousands of those hitting it any time do you read to your kids like a night yeah yeah yeah cat in the hat that's my favorite really yeah the second cat in the hat man the motherfucker got lazy you only wrote two books cat in the hat you know do you like act these out because you sometimes like um well i don't try to scare my kids when i'm trying to scare you I'm not even trying to scare me Or scare you It's just to me I'm just wondering if you animate them I think it's important to talk about those things Absolutely To bring it up just every now and then Just let Just get that fucking thought in your head This is a possibility This this life that we live Which is so beautiful And so complicated And so well contained In this civilized world That we have Could end like that I know One chunk of rock from space It's hard to live like that though because then you end up spending all your money and just making all.

[1909] I'm serious.

[1910] Like making decisions that like, fuck it.

[1911] We're going to do that.

[1912] Like, I was thinking if I had a week to live, right, would I be honest, like about how much they're?

[1913] Because certain people I don't like or I don't like what they're doing or well, even in this world or that world.

[1914] But I don't say it because I'd be a bad career choice or something.

[1915] Right.

[1916] But I'm wondering if I had a week to live if I would say it.

[1917] Probably not because I wouldn't want to be a dick.

[1918] But I...

[1919] Well, if you don't want to be a dick, don't be a dick.

[1920] It doesn't matter if there's a week to go or an hour to go.

[1921] Just don't be a dick.

[1922] But you can, you know, it's a focus exercise, I think.

[1923] Whenever there's someone that's distracting you and someone that's, that you're concentrating on them for no reason when they really don't have anything to do with you.

[1924] Yeah.

[1925] You know, unless they're affecting your business or affecting, you know, the way you operate in your life.

[1926] If it's just you fixating on them, just use it as a focus exercise.

[1927] You say, you know what, this is obviously a test.

[1928] What advice would I give someone like me if I was in the situation to give them advice?

[1929] I would say, well, this is what you don't do.

[1930] Don't focus on that because there's no benefit in it.

[1931] You can hate the guy unless you get some material out of it, unless there's something really funny about them.

[1932] That's the hard part about me being a comic sometimes.

[1933] It's that those positive workshops don't work for comedy because I think I'm a lot funnier if I'm being negative.

[1934] It's focused negativity, but it's negative.

[1935] You know, it's negative jokes.

[1936] So it's positive, but if I start looking at everything in a positive way, I think my humor and relating to people is going to go out the window.

[1937] Well, it will change it to morph a little bit, you know, but it's still possible to be really funny and to really be really be positive.

[1938] It would just be a different kind of funny.

[1939] I think that you're a funny guy, and I think if you're a funny guy, you know how to be funny.

[1940] You know what I mean?

[1941] Do you know?

[1942] Thank you, sweetie.

[1943] You know what I mean?

[1944] You know how to do it.

[1945] I think you would be able to do it any way you do it, and what it should represent is who you really are.

[1946] So if occasionally it's mean, because occasionally you're mean and you have these mean thoughts and they're funny, then you should fucking go with it.

[1947] That's most of my jokes.

[1948] I mean, honestly, I'm a, I wouldn't say about a mean -spirited comic, because I don't like to go, like, I hope you die of age.

[1949] You know, there's, there's, like, shock humor where it's just...

[1950] Would you say, I hope you die in a car accident?

[1951] No, I don't think I would because I wouldn't want that person to die in the car accident.

[1952] No, no, no, no, no, he would never say that.

[1953] I don't know if I would say that.

[1954] I probably, you know, I mean, I've been on stage and someone heckled and I'm like, this is why I'm a pro -choice, you know, or something like that, you know, where I'm, like...

[1955] But I don't know if I would ever, like, work that into, like, there are some comics that are like, oh, Justin Bieber dies, I would never do that.

[1956] But I know what you're saying.

[1957] It's like, as you're trying to get older, like, as you're a wiser person, the smart inclination is to sort of go towards, like, less altercations in your life, less bullshit, less people upset at you, you know.

[1958] And it's kind of hard to do that when you're a comedian because you have to make fun of some idiots.

[1959] You have to make fun of dummies.

[1960] You see them, and you're like, look at this silly pitch.

[1961] And you also, I think, have to look at the cynical part of things.

[1962] I mean, or I do.

[1963] Other people don't have to, but I have to look at things to say.

[1964] We should, we all, socially, we all, like, have an obligation to sort of monitor our surroundings and to keep things from getting out of hand.

[1965] Keep pet rocks from rising again.

[1966] Every now and then, there's some shit that, as a comedian, like, your job really truly is to make fun of these things because they are ridiculous.

[1967] And we're all going to figure out they're ridiculous in time with or without comedians, like bell bottoms.

[1968] They just, eventually we go, no, stop it.

[1969] Right.

[1970] But comedians, like, that's sort of, like, the role that a comic plays other than entertainment in society is to point out these things and to say, like, look, come on.

[1971] This is ridiculous.

[1972] Like, there's some, just too many holes in this idea.

[1973] Well, the hard part for me, though, sometimes is when, you know, like, let's take M .A. Roastood, for an example.

[1974] Like, last night, Notre Dame was losing, like, 35 to nothing, right?

[1975] And I said, Cecil Peoples has Notre Dame winning, you know?

[1976] Right.

[1977] So that's like, okay, ha, ha, ha, it's not, that's a funny joke.

[1978] love those jokes I love C's some people but then but then there's like okay your your colleague Goldberg okay was accused of something allegedly doing something right and it's on the MMA websites so it's not like I'm making the shit up it's on the underground it's on you know MMA weekly I'm a junkie but I don't want to piss off this guy because he's a nice guy and he seems like if it is something serious you don't want to be a total dick to him so I try to use like Goldberg was hopped on uppers while watching John Fitch fight right you know so therefore the joke comes about John Fitch Right, right, right.

[1979] It's still mentioning that, you know.

[1980] Still mentioning the unmentionable, hmm.

[1981] Right, so then it's like, okay, now I'm able to do that, but there's only so many times you can do that.

[1982] Right.

[1983] Well, I've seen people say, like, Joe Rogan in a coke rage in the middle of a fight.

[1984] The reality is, I've never tried cocaine once.

[1985] I've never done it.

[1986] So, I mean, you can never say you see me coked up.

[1987] I've never been coked up.

[1988] I wrote Joe Rogan's head just exploded during the break.

[1989] That's not, listen, you know, I know it sounds, It sounds ridiculous, but I've literally never even thought about doing cocaine.

[1990] I really have never.

[1991] I grew up around people that fucked their entire life up with it.

[1992] And the last thing I ever needed was like a stimulant.

[1993] I wanted something that would kind of center me and calm me down.

[1994] And when I found pot, I was like, because a drink would relax me a little bit, but a drink would also give me riled up in a bad way.

[1995] Whereas pot, like, sort of would put me in like a, I could chill.

[1996] I could I could the last thing I wanted to be like I'm fucking I did it I did it like three times once off a stripper's tits because she was like you want to fuck I said sure she'd do a line of coke off my tits so I'm like if I'm gonna do it I might as well yeah that's the time to do it you know and then I had a girl do it off my with my dick one time that was pretty it was too I was talking up with two chicks one of them was not hot the other one was hot but it was it kind of I wanted a threesome right so the girl looks at my penis that's a line of coke and she's like looks at me she was we're never going to have a relationship it.

[1997] Wow.

[1998] Well, at least she stood her ground.

[1999] She's got her morals.

[2000] She's not going to pick a guy like you to be willing to do this.

[2001] Let her snort coke off your dick.

[2002] How dare you?

[2003] Like she said that and like the way you described it in like a casting judgment on you.

[2004] Never going to have relationship.

[2005] I can't even believe you're here.

[2006] I can't believe I'm about to do coke off your dick.

[2007] But some women's morals like I was in Canada one time and I was like some girl was sitting on my face.

[2008] And I thought she was like blowing me and the girl was going to go and he goes, At least I don't cheat on my boyfriend and blew me. Like, she thought that wasn't cheating.

[2009] Like, she really was, and I was like, I was like, dude, I don't want to be like, you know, listen, you are cheating.

[2010] Yeah, don't stop it.

[2011] You don't want to cock block.

[2012] You'd be like, yeah, I hear you, yeah.

[2013] That was not the time.

[2014] Blow jobs are so not cheating.

[2015] Don't sweat it.

[2016] What are you going to?

[2017] The things that people do.

[2018] Breeding.

[2019] Breeding.

[2020] Breeding.

[2021] Shoot loads.

[2022] Oh, that's a 10 minute mark.

[2023] Does anybody have anything to contribute before where you?

[2024] wrap this bitch up and bring it home brian anything going on you said this friday you got a show no no next thursday at vegas at the hard rock at a club called vinyl for during the avians if you're going it's a part of your avian pass i believe and it's going to be me doug benson sam trippily and a couple other people boom there it is suck it and uh this friday uh two shows at the ice house in pasadena 830 and 1030 it's uh me and uh rie schaeer and probably a couple other people I'll see how we do it but I'm trying to work out some new shit yo you know I'm doing right and I'm coming out with new material all the time every day I'm hustling every day I'm hustling you're hustling too and I appreciate that about you man it's one of the things I loved I loved when I came here and you showed me that big file of all the things you've written 50 pages of MMA jokes young comedians if there's any fucking advice that anybody should ever give you it's the advice that you got put your fucking head down and start writing.

[2025] Brian Callan told you exactly the right thing to do.

[2026] Just keep writing.

[2027] Just keep writing, keep performing, and keep fucking throwing them out there.

[2028] Yeah.

[2029] And be nice to Brittany.

[2030] She's a nice person.

[2031] Oh, man. He is a nice person.

[2032] You meanie.

[2033] You big meaning.

[2034] Man. Every day I'm hustle and Adam comedian on Twitter.

[2035] But his other one, MMA roasted on Twitter, is actually more popular than the actual human being himself, which is kind of weird.

[2036] You should combine those two.

[2037] And then no one would ever retweet your shit, because then you'd be fucking Adam comedian, M .MA roasting.

[2038] The two of them, all in one.

[2039] Yeah, everything you would say, you would limit yourself to like 60 characters.

[2040] Hey, thank you so much for having you on, man. Anytime.

[2041] We'll do it again.

[2042] We'll do it again for sure.

[2043] In the meantime, I want you to calm the fuck down and take a yoga class.

[2044] That's true.

[2045] That's very true.

[2046] You're a good dude, man. And I wish you well, and I think you've got a bright future in this crazy stand -up business.

[2047] Thank you.

[2048] You're hustling.

[2049] You're out there making it happen, bitches.

[2050] So, again, that's this Friday.

[2051] day two shows 830 and 1030 at the ice house go to icehousecombecom thanks to tinge for sponsoring our podcast if you go to rogan dot ting dot com you will save 25 bucks off one of their super groovy android phones they have the samsung galaxy note too which i will eventually get once i get some time on my hands i'm gonna pick up one of those i can't live with any longer i have too much envy for that big screen i need some loving some big screen some big screen Green Lovin.

[2052] Tomorrow, we will have all things, hopefully, if Duncan's feeling good, we'll have Duncan Trussel come on and give us an update on his health and all things in the universe and his unique perspective.

[2053] And then Thursday, we'll have the great Ari Shafir.

[2054] All right, you fucks.

[2055] Get it together.

[2056] Oh, Neil de Gras Tyson this week as well.

[2057] Trying to figure out when to fit him in, when he can do it and we can do it.

[2058] But that's going to happen as well.

[2059] So the God of Science will join us.

[2060] We're going to fucking keep this bitch rolling to the wheel.

[2061] fall off.

[2062] All right.

[2063] See you freak soon.

[2064] Bye.