#299 - Honey Honey

[0] Rogan, Experience.

[1] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[2] Our commercials are long, they're wordy, but we get them out of the way.

[3] And then once they're done, they're done.

[4] But shorter than Tom Sager and Christina Pizzitsky's podcast.

[5] They have longer commercials than us?

[6] Yeah, every time I count to where they actually start the show, it's like 26 minutes in.

[7] They do it the same style where they just start talking, and then they sort of fuck around and go off on tangents.

[8] And they go back to tour dates and stuff.

[9] Well, it's weird.

[10] That's how we started it.

[11] It's a good way to do it, though, I think.

[12] You know, they keep trying to pressure me to put commercials inside of podcasts, and I keep telling them to go fuck themselves.

[13] You mean candidly and casually?

[14] No, they bring it up.

[15] You know, they say we would like you to start introducing commercials in the middle of the podcast, and they can be pre -recorded and we'll stick them in afterwards, but that seems, it seems sleazy.

[16] That seems like it interrupts the flow of the conversation, right?

[17] Yeah, get down with that.

[18] You guys hammered yet?

[19] Working on you.

[20] I feel warm.

[21] I feel pretty good.

[22] Yeah.

[23] Ghosty.

[24] Yeah, we're drinking Maker's Mark.

[25] Shout out to my boy Justin, who loves this shit.

[26] Hey Justin.

[27] My friend Justin every time we go out, he orders this shit.

[28] Makers and Coke.

[29] Why put the Coke in it, though?

[30] Why not just go right with the makers?

[31] Because he's seven feet tall and he does whatever the fuck he wants.

[32] That's fine.

[33] Trust me. I would still shoot him straight.

[34] Justin wants to put Coke in his makers.

[35] You just let him.

[36] Wow.

[37] He's the biggest human I know.

[38] I like Coke Zero.

[39] I think he's a slow mover.

[40] Well, I mean, you might be able to outrun him.

[41] It might be.

[42] But, God, damn, when he caught you, you'd be in fucking lots of trouble.

[43] He's a true, I have a friend that he's a true giant.

[44] Really sweetheart of a guy.

[45] This is the dude?

[46] Yeah.

[47] He's a true giant.

[48] He's enormous.

[49] He talks like, dude.

[50] He talks like a normal guy, but he's like, he's just a huge fucking guy, you know?

[51] Wow.

[52] That's funny how people are like, just not created equal.

[53] You know, there's dudes like that.

[54] There's a whole, our tour manager is 6, 7, and he talks about that a lot.

[55] He's like, it's really difficult.

[56] You know, you go to, like, when we're on tour, you're at the holiday, and he's like, and the shower only comes up to my chest between my nipples.

[57] Like, you know, it's a whole, he's big and tall, you know what I mean?

[58] He can never find pants that fit him, you know, the way he'd like to represent pants.

[59] I was watching TV today, and there was a fight from 2009 with this guy, semi -shilt.

[60] Semi -Shilt used to be the K -1 Grand Prix champion.

[61] I think he's won at least three, if not four times.

[62] times he's six foot 11 oh my six foot 11 300 pounds and it's just like good luck go fight that guy he's a fucking legit giant i mean he really is a giant like small and mighty though like what about that guy was like you know not once the big guys learn how to fight okay once the big guys learn how to fight too the idea is that the small man with skill can overcome the big man who has no skill i i still maintain that's most most of the time that's accurate but a big man with a skill is a fucking pain in the ass.

[63] But aren't the big ones like the stupid ones?

[64] You would like to think that.

[65] Everybody would like to think the good -looking guys are stupid too.

[66] Well, good -looking women, a lot of people would like to think they're stupid.

[67] Nobody wants to think there's a girl who's way hotter than you and also a way smarter than you.

[68] That's too, that's depressing.

[69] Yeah, it's depressing as fuck.

[70] That bitch just got all aces.

[71] You know, she was born with a bunch of aces.

[72] Boobes.

[73] Yeah.

[74] It's not fair.

[75] It's totally not fair.

[76] But that's life.

[77] Well, then they have to deal with everybody trying to drag them down.

[78] That must be tough.

[79] Yeah, I would guess.

[80] I would guess it would be really hard to be a hot chick to deal with a lot of cunty women.

[81] I've seen women get cunty with pretty girls for no reason.

[82] Like, someone will come up and, like, ask for directions or something like that.

[83] I've seen, like, cunty women just immediately going, do you know where you're going?

[84] Like, where, you know, how much do you know this area?

[85] You know, like, immediately, like, dismissive.

[86] Fuck you big days.

[87] Yeah, like, that girl is stealing.

[88] something from her by existing by being in front of her she's not a sister she's not a you know a fellow human to be that's like someone who's taking away from your value by their very existence you know i knew a girl who got furious at a guy because he brought a really hot girl to her wedding and everybody was paying attention to the girl what so yeah she literally said you know she was like yelling at him why the fuck did you bring that bitch to my wedding and me and the girl was like a sweetheart she's a very nice girl didn't do anything to anybody but just because she was there she dressed nice and she was apparently she was very beautiful and the the bride was furious like it took away from her big day and she kept saying that that fucking bitch she took away from my big day that amazing god the whole wedding thing fucking freaks me out that that pressure of it needing to be this huge monumental thing that she's a crazy bitch that guy should get a divorce immediately in me what's her name i have no idea he told me the whole story my buddy told me the whole story not there, but it was a fascinating story.

[89] It's like animals, you know.

[90] I was talking about, I've had females, female dogs.

[91] Female dogs do not like other female dogs.

[92] They just don't like each other.

[93] The dog world is fascinating.

[94] They will fight to the death.

[95] If we were able to communicate with each other like dogs where we would just be peeing on each other all day.

[96] Yeah.

[97] And humping in public.

[98] On the regular.

[99] And try to figure out who the outfit is.

[100] is.

[101] Who gets to breed?

[102] It's amazing.

[103] Who eats to liver.

[104] Ben's dog.

[105] Ben is a dog named Larry Bird.

[106] That's awesome.

[107] And Larry Brits is great.

[108] He's fucking awesome.

[109] That's awesome.

[110] Very, you know, he's really, he's really zen.

[111] The dog is?

[112] He is.

[113] Yeah, he doesn't really bark at all.

[114] He just, like, he wants to be scratched on the head.

[115] Our very good friend's friend of a friend found him on the freeway in Nashville.

[116] And when we moved to town, Ben's been saying he wanted a dog.

[117] And my buddy posted an ad on Facebook and said, hey, we have this dog.

[118] We're looking for a good home, and he's got very long legs and kind of an awkward face, so the name Larry Bird came to mind.

[119] That's funny.

[120] What kind of dog is he?

[121] He's an Australian Shepherd.

[122] Ah, okay.

[123] I know what those look like.

[124] He's like mid -sized, probably 45 pounds.

[125] But I don't know if he's zen or if he's just real stressed out all the time and shutting down.

[126] He gets very stressed when Ben leaves.

[127] Yeah, I bet.

[128] Well, you know, it's like all of a sudden he's got something good, you know?

[129] He's got someone who cares for him and loves him.

[130] I had a female like that.

[131] I had a female that I adopted.

[132] And she was eaten out of garbages when I got her.

[133] She was all covered in mange.

[134] And I took her in and started feeding her and taken care of her.

[135] But she would have massive anxiety when I would leave.

[136] She would know what to do.

[137] She would freak out because she didn't think I was coming back.

[138] You know, you get down to that point.

[139] She was, like, starving to death when I found her, like, literally.

[140] In downtown L .A., she was just eating out of garbage cans.

[141] You got to think dogs, they have access to so much joy.

[142] Those things are so happy sometimes.

[143] If you get lucky.

[144] Just as bummed out, too.

[145] Well, it's like, it's like humans, too.

[146] It's like if you get lucky, you could grow up in a really awesome household where your mom and dad love you and they want to see you all the time.

[147] And, you know, you're growing up with people that have sort of a sense of perspective and they can educate you on the ways of the world and constantly give you love.

[148] Or you could grow up with a crazy fucking shithead mom and a nutty fucking violent, abusive drug addict dad.

[149] And you're fucked.

[150] You're just fucked.

[151] You were born into the wrong spot.

[152] And there's nothing you did, and your entire potential completely changes because of that.

[153] Your entire way of absorbing the world, of even just dealing with reality, is compromised by the situation that you were born into with no effort of your own, no karma behind it, no nothing.

[154] You just were there.

[155] I mean, unless you believe in reincarnation, you know, unless you believe in, you know, there's no fucking evidence to support any of that.

[156] But the idea that people are responsible, especially like babies are responsible for terrible things that happened to them because of things that they did in the past life.

[157] I'd have to say, Jesus, fucking Christ.

[158] How can'tty is the universe?

[159] How about you let a baby slide, you know?

[160] Don't punish it from some shit that some other entity had done in the past life.

[161] It's so ridiculous.

[162] It's just a super sad aspect of this world.

[163] Your life could be awesome or it could be shit, and it's just dependent on who gives birth to you and where you are, you know?

[164] man yeah i mean we're lucky as fuck we are we are lucky as fuck you and i all of us here and to live in america to live in 2012 in america with fucking medicine and doctors and the internet and all this shit well it's interesting how our challenges change as you're right like yeah it's kind of a it's weird i was i you know one of my best friends in ohio uh he he got really mad at add about his cell phone bill.

[165] He found out that since like, I don't know, 2007 or something, he paid T -Mobile $5 ,000, which is, I think, normal if you were to add that up.

[166] And he was like, this is ridiculous.

[167] He's like, I want to spend my money on other things.

[168] So he stopped using a cell phone for three months.

[169] He didn't have a cell phone.

[170] He used a landline or would communicate through email, and he was telling me how difficult it was, but how, like, incredibly liberating, you know, and not that that's a problem.

[171] I'm kind of segueing into just like you're talking about how we've evolved and like technology makes everything so easy everything is like you could you could take care of things at your house right now with your cell phone because you have robots there yeah you know but it's so interesting you know i've always been fascinated with people who could um who were incredibly resourceful with nature like boy scouts and stuff like that yeah like just to go home and make a fire right now like yeah i rubbing sticks together i i whittled myself a coffee table and I find that to be incredibly fascinating and really actually in some spare time would like to learn a few tips if anybody has any you want to be like a subsistence well I want to know how to make my own boat in arrows really have you ever watch any of those shows like Alaska shows where they like these people are like homesteaders out there and they they gather all their food within the summer months and then they they fucking freeze their dicks off for like no I haven't seen that amazing if you're into that if you're like you're talking about like people like living off the land and like trying to survive out there it is a fucking fascinating show it's crazy and this is generations after generations these people just live like that there's this level of awareness and oneness with nature that I think is so cool like when you can you know something you know you're just like you're you're in the earth and so you know obviously I don't really have too much experience with that I know I'm really good at fishing I like to fish yeah are you good really yeah I'm at you good really yeah I'm at You know, I'm, yeah, I'm good at it.

[172] I know how to catch them.

[173] Oh, you like the shit.

[174] You're, like, ready for, like, bass pro masters tournaments and shit.

[175] Not really, but.

[176] Bass masters.

[177] No, I do like to fish, though.

[178] Fishermen make a fuck load of money.

[179] Did you know that?

[180] Like, professional fishermen.

[181] Yeah.

[182] Like, you can make a great living if you're, like, a famous fisherman.

[183] Yeah.

[184] How hilarious is that?

[185] This famous fisherman.

[186] I think we should try.

[187] You want to try with me?

[188] You guys start entering tournaments.

[189] I mean, you're in Nashville.

[190] It's like some great bass fishing down in that area in Tennessee.

[191] It's a competition, though.

[192] I think the world record's from the South.

[193] That's the same thing, though, that whole oneness.

[194] Like, that just becomes part of their, you know, their receptive faculties as they know the fucking water.

[195] They know about the fish.

[196] You know what's going on.

[197] They know they don't like that kind of tackle.

[198] That lore doesn't work.

[199] Yeah, it certainly becomes, you know, you have this connection with this animal that you're going after, trying to figure out how to keep pulling them out of their world by tricking them with fake fish.

[200] You know, what a ruthless fucking game.

[201] fishing is you throw out this impossibly beautiful wiggling sparkly thing that makes some poor fish just want to go bite it and he he bites it and gets literally pulled out of the dimension he exists in to another dimension that he can't survive in he can't move he can't fly around in it like he can in the water like all of a sudden he's in air and like what the fuck is going on and if you pull them right and if it's deep enough water they'll die just from the pressure, just from going through the deep, deep, deep water to the surface.

[202] They'll be like, eh, like, they can't even handle it.

[203] Like, what are we doing out here?

[204] We're supposed to be at, like, 700 feet of water, and just yank those fuckers up to the surface, and they're just like, ah.

[205] You're really ruining it for me now.

[206] There goes my fishing boner.

[207] No, listen, fishing is awesome.

[208] I love fishing, but it's got to be a fucking, a real freak out for that poor barracuda, you know, bites down your lure.

[209] Baracudas aren't poor.

[210] They're not.

[211] They're rich.

[212] are they like a yeah they're definitely a top shelf fish i think they're i don't think people eat them that much there's that one song yeah they're famous song yeah did you ever uh like did you like when you were a kid what's you like that band heart you sing that song barracuda they had a bunch of great um songs i got some stuff that help your fishing boner by the way i i like heart and yes what do you have for me brian red band fucking bring that shit black power fiacra shit whatever i just want to know no disrespect to the viagra pill and what happened to the old -fashioned boners.

[213] I mean, just a good old -fashioned boners.

[214] Well, SSRIs killed a lot of them.

[215] A lot of people in antidepressants have a huge problem getting wood.

[216] Okay.

[217] Oh, I have normal boners, but it's nice to have like that five -hour boner when you just went out like a vacation boner.

[218] Like a vacation boner.

[219] Brian is just an abuser of vacation owners?

[220] Once in a while, you're like, all right, I'll take care of you.

[221] You're just trying to challenge yourself, really.

[222] Yeah, I want to see how much boner I can have.

[223] Olympic boner style.

[224] Okay, that's, that's.

[225] Like marathon boner sex.

[226] But here's my.

[227] My question, your partner, I mean, are they having sex for eight hours?

[228] Because that sounds kind of painful.

[229] Well, he mostly sleeps.

[230] He mostly sleeps.

[231] Yeah, Brian just fucks dudes that are unconscious.

[232] Well played.

[233] That's Brian's thing.

[234] Just gives them GHP.

[235] He takes Viagra.

[236] Called bro rape?

[237] You got to be careful about that.

[238] You can't even use that.

[239] It's real.

[240] If you joke about rape, you support rape.

[241] Did you know that?

[242] Yeah, stop.

[243] Be careful, careful.

[244] You know, one of the things I've been noticed, I posted this on Twitter about a lot of lefties.

[245] So uncomfortable.

[246] There's a funny thing lately where like hardcore lefties, you know, would they like to call themselves progressives, they will criticize stereotypical Muslims in television and film.

[247] Like I saw these progressives that were criticizing homeland.

[248] And what they're saying is that, yeah, that all of the Muslim characters are cartoonish, you know, like, and I find it offensive.

[249] They're like finding it offensive.

[250] But it's hilarious that they would never do that with cartoonish Christians.

[251] Like if there was like, you know, a TV show and all the Christians had God hates fags posters and were walking around, you would never hear progressives bitching about fundamentalist Christians that are represented in a cartoonish way.

[252] But fundamentalist Muslims, it's like, oh, we have to be aware and conscious and we have to be like really sensitive to like these foreign people and their ideas.

[253] Like, whackadoos that are brown like you have to be like really kind of them and show them kind of but whackadoos that are white and look too much like your relatives like fuck them fuck the christians fuck them let them be as cartoonish as possible but you have to be super sensitive about the way people who you know Islam it's not all terrorists are not Islam as if one ideology makes any more sense than another ideology of any of these fucking goofy cults make any sense any of them but progressives they don't want to criticize Islam lately it's like these cartoonish Muslim characters okay that's not how I feel about culture isn't that just as much a cult as any of the other ones being progressive is a cult for sure the the hardcore lefty stance is a cult I mean there's shit that fits in and doesn't fit in it's like when when it comes to gun control and these horrible fucking mass shootings have been going on lately you know everybody answer is always gun control from the left and everybody from the right is they need to arm people to make sure that this can't happen because you're not going into an unarmed area and that if people had guns of their own they would know you know they couldn't just do this I mean you know it's a complex issue so it's but anyone from the left never recognizes that it's always it's always gun control you fucking and all right people are you happy you know you can fucking believe this shit you Why do you need a gun?

[254] Why do you find a new hobby?

[255] You don't need to hunt.

[256] Find a new hobby.

[257] Well, it's really interesting to discuss this topic because we just moved to Nashville and that's a gun town.

[258] There's guns everywhere.

[259] And I have friends that carry concealed weapons.

[260] There's just one girl.

[261] She's like this super hot chick and she's always got a little pistol in her purse.

[262] Like no big deal.

[263] Good for her.

[264] But I think that something that's, you know, maybe I'll tell you at a later date.

[265] I think that you know it's a really interesting feeling to be in a town, in a community with that and where I see it is that like we've heard all these stories of like don't worry mom and dad, I'm safe but you know like our friend like friends of friends getting shot people being you know shot several like just all these different stories and you know there's a lot of crime everywhere but you know they had they had this turn your gun in day to, like, try and reduce the firearm population.

[266] But, like, at the end of the day, like, I'm not pro -gun or anti -gun.

[267] I don't even know what I am, but I'm just like, I was thinking about it.

[268] And I'm like, the bad guys aren't going to turn their guns in, you know, and, you know, it's a noble cause to try and alleviate violence of any kind.

[269] But at the same time, it's like they're already there, and I just don't see how they could go away.

[270] But I don't, I'm not making, fuck, that's like a strong statement.

[271] No, well, you're making a logical statement because the real issue is not whether or not we change the laws.

[272] It's whether or not people are willing to break those laws.

[273] And the majority of crimes, violent crimes with guns, I believe in this country, are committed with illegal guns.

[274] So it's already this weird situation.

[275] The kid who was in possession of these guns, these were his mother's guns.

[276] I mean, you talk about gun control, he violated a bunch of different laws before he ever left the house by just handling these guns and loading them and taking them out of it.

[277] They weren't his to fuck with.

[278] so he was violating laws and then the then the question is why do these things even exist why does someone need an assault rifle those are legitimate questions those are questions that we really should consider there's no doubt about it but the idea that we need to take all guns away like it's like that doesn't make any sense like if people wanted to look what timid mcvay did with a truck and some fertilizer people want to they can kill people in a bunch of different ways with a bunch of different shit that you can get and there's plans for it on the internet it's amazing we really stop and think about it how many people there are that there's 300 million of us at least plus mexicans in this country and we only have you know this many crazy people weren't running around shooting people it's it's really kind of shocking it's amazingly good considering the the numbers it's just when something does happen it's so horrible and so heart -wrenching and you you know it it fucks with our heads the real statistics though If you think about how many people actually have guns and how many people are running around shooting people, it's amazing.

[279] It's amazing how behaved everybody is, for the most part.

[280] If you just look at the actual numbers of human beings, this is a crazy time to be alive.

[281] There's 300 million people in this continent, driving around in cars, getting stuck in traffic, and the amount of people that actually shoot people is relatively small.

[282] but when you compare it to other countries with stricter gun control laws you see those numbers drop so much so that's that's a hard but the issue is they've already had that they you know it's like you know the the question of how do you take the guns i mean you'd have to go door to door you don't have to storm houses you know it's like how would you eradicate the guns from our neighborhood the way they have in england in england they never really had it so when you see like low uk gun violence rates it's like yeah they never really had the guns.

[283] Even the cops don't have them.

[284] You know, those, they do, they have them in case of extreme situations like American werewolf in London.

[285] When the wolf gets out, that's when they busted up.

[286] Guns, you can't fuck with a werewolf and you've got a billy club.

[287] Silly bitch.

[288] But you need a silver bullet anyway, so it's definitely, I think there's arguments on both sides.

[289] There's definitely arguments on both sides.

[290] But you know what the other argument is?

[291] The unsung discussion is what was his kid on?

[292] What was going on with his head?

[293] Was he medicated?

[294] Was he on, who knows what from the time he was a child?

[295] Do you know how many fucking kids get put on Ritalin?

[296] Do you know how many fucking kids get put on antidepressants at like a young age?

[297] We live in strange times of just manipulating with human neurochemistry.

[298] And especially when you're mixing things, which people do.

[299] They'll take illegal drugs with legal drugs.

[300] And it's a psychotic combination.

[301] You know, Zoloft and cocaine.

[302] It's like, it's famous for people going fucking Brazil.

[303] Zirk on it.

[304] Oh, I'm going to have to try that.

[305] Just kidding.

[306] It's, uh, well, it's interesting.

[307] We need to know what was, what was wrong with this kid.

[308] What, you know, whether he had a mental illness, whether he was, uh, whether he was medicated, what was, it was obviously something fucking really wrong with him.

[309] Just to be able to do that, just to be able to do physically what he did and shoot kids.

[310] There's got to be something way wrong with his wiring.

[311] I wonder, I was thinking about this the other day.

[312] about like all these mass shootings and all the people responsible for them and you know i wonder if there were to be and i mean maybe they're already doing this and i'm foolish i don't know but if you were to you know dissect their brains and literally if there was like some sort of similar common thread of an excess of chemical or something or like hitler what about hitler finding out the bad you know like saying that that there was a human race like there's a right way to have a brain and you know what i mean like like you have to be blonde blue eyes you know and anyone else and you know so you're saying find like a common trait let him talk himself out of this place I don't know what he's saying and I was like I can't tell him I'm going to laugh for these really finding a common trait of somebody that's fucked up in their head and putting them aside you need to get you back on the provigil son give me some you got you got something right now this is such a difficult thing to talk about because it's a horrific it's horrific because it's still everybody's you know it's so painful and there I think that the end of the day there isn't anything that we're going to find out or be able to fix it, whether it's gun control or anything other than trying to be as a community more aware of each other.

[313] You know, we're talking about all these things about like at your fingertips and like, we've got cell phones that do everything for us and nobody, like I think people stop paying attention to things, like just the most rudimentary level of human existence and communication of just like really seeing someone and being in touch with them.

[314] and I think some people get isolated and more and more isolated and I don't I don't fucking know you know I just I'll only speak for myself you know there's a lot of us and the problem is we we can't be looking out for everybody around us when we're not even in contact with them we live in these these communities where you know there's people that there's a guy who lives right down the street from you two horse houses down he wouldn't be able to pick him out in a lineup yeah that's me I don't fucking know all my neighbors You know, I live in a community of people that are basically strangers, you know, and they're strangers to their community, and that's not how it used to be.

[315] There's something that happened to us when we invented automobiles and mass transit and the ability to move along great distances is we don't live and work close.

[316] We don't have the same sort of community that people did before they had cars, and that's sort of how human beings were invented, or rather how human beings developed.

[317] We developed to grow up in these communities, tribes, where we all stick together.

[318] We all hunted together.

[319] We farmed together.

[320] We gathered together.

[321] We raised each other's children.

[322] And then someone figured out cars and it just stopped.

[323] They just started like, let's live in the fucking east side.

[324] And let's drive up cross town.

[325] I want to live in the suburbs.

[326] I'd love to have a house in the mountains.

[327] And then everybody was able to just go wherever the fuck they wanted to.

[328] And then they would meet for work or go over each other's houses.

[329] But the sense of community got further and further apart.

[330] Like, I've had this conversation with some of my friends.

[331] I'm like, why don't we all like live in the same neighborhood, man?

[332] You know, why don't we do that?

[333] Wouldn't that be awesome if you lived across?

[334] across the street for me. Like, can't we make that happen?

[335] Like, let's, like, live, let's find a place.

[336] We'd be trying to play basketball with you all the time.

[337] That would be fun.

[338] But, I mean, like, wouldn't it be amazing if you could, like, literally live in a community of all of your friends?

[339] I don't know anybody who does that.

[340] Except, like, there's these guys, this mixed martial arts guys in Sacramento, Uriah Faber, and all of his friends.

[341] They got a situation where they bought a bunch of houses in the same cul -de -sac, I think, and they just all live next to each other.

[342] Which is awesome.

[343] That's the way to do it.

[344] I agree.

[345] I think that'd be really cool, but it's funny to talk about, like, tribal existence where many of us have come from.

[346] You know, I think we've all come from.

[347] You know, the tribal existence was everybody worked together as, you know, woven into the same cloth, but everybody had like a job to do and an end to hold up.

[348] And we're in a society where everyone's just an individual, you know, for the most part.

[349] And it's really interesting to think about if we were going to, you know, to try to have like a communal.

[350] type thing again i don't i don't know well we would have to if we lost our ability to travel distances that would would really fuck a lot of people up if something happened and society was thrown into chaos and we lost our ability to get oil and gas and that's not that's not that far outside the realm of possibility you know if we look at the face of the earth like when scientists start like going into the past and see some of the cataclysmic events that have happened like you know the predate human beings there's been some big ones like a lot of them like a whole shitload of them and it's really possible that one could happen and if it did happen we would lose all electricity essentially forever for the rest of your life there'd be no more electricity because no one's going to be able to figure out how to fucking fix it without any real infrastructure available anymore and you'd have a few people that were surviving by living off the land you'd have a few people I mean that we could go back to that again like that one super volcano know one asteroid.

[351] There was an asteroid that just flew by, and the Chinese got these photographs of it.

[352] I retweeted it.

[353] It flies by every four years, and it's over a mile wide.

[354] It's a mile wide piece of rock that flies really close to us every year, or every four years.

[355] It's a mile and a half wide, sorry, a mile and a half wide.

[356] What the fuck?

[357] So basically what's going to happen is Friday when the end of the world comes, and we've got some stragglers, which will clearly be the majority of the will turn.

[358] You know, I feel like this is a real hot spot for, you know.

[359] Survivors.

[360] Survivors.

[361] Yep, that's right.

[362] So we're going to have to come up with the game plan of, you know, I'll bring the canned goods and.

[363] Make sure the ratio is good though.

[364] I feel like there's going to be a lot of dudes.

[365] Yeah, it's going to be a lot of sausage.

[366] Kind of have to bring a lot of booze.

[367] Big sausage factory.

[368] Not many breedable females.

[369] Yeah, that's a problem.

[370] Some board games.

[371] We have to be real careful.

[372] We have to really make sure.

[373] sure we can protect our genetics.

[374] You know, I mean, we really have the whole fate of the human race.

[375] So now you're talking like Hitler, though.

[376] That's right.

[377] That's what I'm trying to say.

[378] A lot of good points.

[379] He was just crazy.

[380] If you had like, I mean, look, if you had some real engineering of the human race, you would have to do some culling, right?

[381] It's like when you have a thorn or a rose bush and you have some fucking wacky branches, you've got to trim them bitches.

[382] We accept that.

[383] We accept that scientifically.

[384] We accept that in the nature.

[385] world the world of animals and plants but we don't accept it with people we we connect emotions to the most horrific and fucked up amongst us and we don't even want to kill them you know we don't want to kill bad people we don't want to prune them we don't want to send them to the electric chair is barbaric you know it's lethal injections horrific we're no better than them what are you doing son i don't know why this what are you doing watching cowboy porn no i was looking for that asteroid and an ad came up on this website.

[386] Some dude just tweeted us about the last thing you ever want to do.

[387] Serial killer expert learns he has the brain of a killer.

[388] I don't know.

[389] I probably shouldn't even talk about this right now.

[390] Yeah, I saw that.

[391] That was a documentary.

[392] Yeah, it was a guy who found out that he passed all the tests for being a sociopath or a psychopath, whichever one that is.

[393] I was going to bring this up earlier, too.

[394] There's this article says, I am Adam Lanzo's mother.

[395] It's about this woman, or excuse me, this woman is talking about her own son, lot of similarities between him and the shooter from this from Sandy Hook and there's all these my phone's kind of freezing here but it's talking about where struggles with him and you know the the diagnosis they're giving him all the mood altering drugs and they just don't know how to handle a kid with this type of brain and that's when it comes back to we've been talking about this a lot just like how do you approach the mental health aspect of this and it's such an inexact yeah science it's like how do you treat these kids if we don't really know what's going on if the treatment is making them worse or better and that's kind of the gray area that we're stuck in it seems like right yeah and we we also don't understand why a person develops that way what what makes a person a sociopath what makes a person a psychopath is it is it nature is it nurture you know everyone's different there's different there's a gradient level they mean there's like a spectrum of you know different there's people that are just a little crazy they're okay but They're just a little crazy.

[396] And then there's people that literally don't see reality the way we all agree it looks.

[397] Right.

[398] There's these people that you see them sitting on the side of the road and they're talking to themselves and they're covered in dirt and they haven't washed in the year.

[399] And they're nodding back and forth and having conversations like, okay, what's that guy seeing?

[400] What's going on?

[401] I mean, he's having a fucking full -blown conversation with people that aren't even there.

[402] What's going on?

[403] What's going on there?

[404] And we don't exactly know.

[405] We know how to give them some drugs and make them not do that.

[406] And, you know, we know there's something wrong with his firing mechanism and his fucking noodle.

[407] But we don't exactly know what that guy's seeing.

[408] You know, he could tell us what he'd be.

[409] He might be lying.

[410] He might be seeing some shit that he doesn't even like to talk about.

[411] I think if you were to take, you know, a considerable amount of mushrooms, then you would know what he was seeing.

[412] I doubt it.

[413] I say we try it.

[414] Yeah, well, I see your point.

[415] The last thing you want to do is get locked into a homeless dude's way of thinking.

[416] Yeah, no, yeah.

[417] You become him.

[418] I think I take it back.

[419] Do you imagine?

[420] People blowing their brains out on LSD.

[421] Like that guy from Pink Floyd, that they wrote that song, Shine on You Crazy Diamond.

[422] Yeah, that's apparently about a dude who lost his mind on some LSD.

[423] You could fuck up.

[424] You could fuck up and go deep.

[425] And Suzanne just got nervous and reached for the markers.

[426] Oh, no, that's not nervous.

[427] That's just straight, I'm accessing my pleasure energy.

[428] Your pleasure energy.

[429] How does that sound?

[430] The booze energy, that's the pleasure energy?

[431] I do love it.

[432] Everything's fine, guys.

[433] Don't worry.

[434] It's, you know.

[435] Do you find there's a lot of resistance?

[436] Do you talking about loving it?

[437] The people are like, hey, you know what?

[438] Actually, I found this is really funny.

[439] I, we got to, well, we talk about booze all the time because we're boozers.

[440] I'm not an alcoholic, but I love bourbon.

[441] You know, I don't drink bourbon every day.

[442] Right.

[443] But, you know, I talk about it because, you know, I'm comfortable that way.

[444] We've had a few emails here and there.

[445] Some, some dude was like, I saw you at your show when you were on tour, and you just looked so tired, and look, drugs have torn into people here.

[446] And I was like, you saw, let me just go, let's just go right over this again.

[447] You saw me on tour, and I looked tired.

[448] That is a shocker, you know, and kind of just had this whole, but it was very, very, very, it was very sweet, and I'm not going to throw them under the bus, you know, to be concerned.

[449] Right.

[450] But it's, you know.

[451] Well, you know, from his point, there's a lot of people that think that the life of a showbiz person is just fucking drugs and barely keeping it together and stumbling on the stage, the night that, you know.

[452] But, dude, I know, I mean, at the same time, I'm fully aware of that side, like, I. It does exist.

[453] It totally, and you know, I'm sure, because it's like, when you're, when you're on the road and you're just moving all the time and you're never in the same place, you're never in this, like, you're fucking lonely, you know, you're, there's just.

[454] There's so much going on, like, drinking, you know.

[455] There's a real comforting repetition, too, you know, because you're going to a different club every night, but there's always...

[456] And everybody wants to party with you.

[457] Yes.

[458] But at the same time, I really, I don't like, like, I love to drink, but I don't, I don't like being wasted.

[459] I don't like not being in control, and I don't like losing my voice.

[460] So there's like a balance, you know, and I'm just, I feel, I feel really.

[461] lucky that I have a partner who is you know we do this together like if one of us was slipping there that there'd be a lot to you know handle but we're pretty we're going to drag each other well we're probably slipping down together it's just like a slow erosion it's nice that you can count on each other I remember one time when we were really when we first started touring together Ben got really drunk and I held he had really long hair and I held his hair while he pute And I tied it in a ponytail, so he looked like a yoga instructor.

[462] That's sweet.

[463] And then, like, probably, like, a few days later, I got a little drunk, and I remember, like, I passed out with, like, my boots on.

[464] And I remember, like, Ben.

[465] So I let a whole squad of these guys from the show in.

[466] Just went to town on her.

[467] Yeah, that's really, that's really funny.

[468] I think you just contributed to rape culture.

[469] I know.

[470] So what is, I was going to say, I'm going to call you out.

[471] Really, Joe?

[472] Really?

[473] Oh, my God.

[474] It's cool that you guys can count on each other, that you know that you're both in it to, you know, to do the right shit, you know, to get it done.

[475] You know, you're both in it to make great music, you know.

[476] It's like a lot of bands have an issue.

[477] Like, there's like five guys.

[478] Wow, that is a large tap.

[479] Come on, that is the picture.

[480] And that, you can see it close.

[481] That looks like it weighs like five pounds.

[482] We had a block.

[483] out the nipple because apparently it almost sunk CBS when Janet Jackson whipped one out.

[484] Who knows what it could do to U -stream.

[485] But this lady with her tit out, I did not ask her to do this.

[486] Okay, this was the universe giving me a gift.

[487] Did it turn you on?

[488] No. But yes and no. You said it wasn't C -Lo Green the whole time.

[489] Yes and no. It did not turn me on.

[490] It did not turn me on sexually, but it did turn me on socially because I knew I was going to post this online and people were going to go bananas.

[491] I was very excited I was like I have to show people This is going to give them Great joy I think this is the part Where he started To lose his mind I remember I remember that I lost my mind Joe Roken came out And I whipped out my kitty Brian Do you think she's alive now Because that was like 2005 If you had a guest Do you think that woman's alive Well she was eating Meatball subs every day I'm sure there's some Italian's live forever Do they?

[492] Thank God Those motherfuckers They live forever That's good to know But that was a real moment for me It was a great, great moment for me I wish you had that on video though Yeah, it would be awesome HD, Galaxy S3 video Yeah But then I should probably sue me I wonder if she knows the picture's out there I wonder if someone was like Girl, do you know that your pictures online And your titty's out You got a meatball sub in your hand that ain't even me my wig don't look nothing like that that is not me that is not me girl i'm telling you that was a bitchy saying girl do you know the there's pictures of you you got your titty out and a meat mace up in your hand and bitch you look fat you look like bigfoot look at that gut oh that's a gut of a person doesn't give a fuck she doesn't give a fuck i think that's just a dick no no that's not a dick that's a real tit bro look at it you can't You can't make a fake tit like that on a man. Fake tits on men always look odd.

[493] And the nipples are never big enough.

[494] And you know that that nipples is the correct size.

[495] That's the thing about trannies.

[496] Oh, by the way, that's another thing.

[497] Tell us what you know about trannies, Joe.

[498] People are transphobic.

[499] Did you know that, Brian?

[500] That's a new issue.

[501] Transphobia.

[502] A lot of the progressives are going after people that are transphobic.

[503] If you're making any jokes about trannies.

[504] Really?

[505] Even saying trannies.

[506] Wow.

[507] Did they have a term?

[508] What do you say then?

[509] We need to be more sensitive.

[510] I'm fascinated.

[511] Did we talk about Buck Angel the last time we were on here?

[512] I don't know.

[513] We might not about them all the time.

[514] There's never enough talk about Buck Angel.

[515] We did a show with him.

[516] No, you did.

[517] Yes, we did.

[518] No, you didn't.

[519] Fucking, let me, I'm telling you the truth.

[520] We were in, we were in Toronto.

[521] Toronto Asia.

[522] I'm just kidding.

[523] It's in Canada.

[524] And we were.

[525] Yeah, Asia became a country.

[526] Boy, you confuse the shit out of people.

[527] They were like, really?

[528] Is Toronto a country in Asia as well?

[529] It's not funny.

[530] So is Buck Angel from Toronto?

[531] It was called Idea City, which is like TED Talks, and it was a conference for, it was really incredible.

[532] And you guys played music?

[533] We did.

[534] Yeah, we were playing with our friend, Adam Cohen.

[535] We were his band.

[536] So we weren't playing as Honey Honey, which was kind of cool because I felt like we were just a bunch of hired guns.

[537] Oh, that's kind of fun, right?

[538] Yeah, playing band.

[539] Just to be a musician.

[540] It was fun, only when I go back and watch the videos, I did not play well.

[541] I'm not proud of my playing, but I'm fucking working on it, and I've gotten better, so for the record.

[542] But anyway, we were...

[543] I don't know what good playing or bad playing is.

[544] Steve Martin's good.

[545] He's really good.

[546] Oh, my God, he's so good.

[547] We got to see him in Nashville.

[548] Really entertaining guy.

[549] But anyway, Buck Angel.

[550] So the conference that we were at was a three -day conference, and the theme was women.

[551] And in all the facets of, like, it was going through.

[552] scientific evolution and you know in society and like there was anywhere from Olympic gold medalists to doctors and psychiatrists and lawyers and oceanographer, this incredible woman Dr. Sylvia Earle, I love her and then they had two different trannies, transvestites Buckingle.

[553] Don't be transphobia.

[554] You don't want to call them trannies.

[555] Dude man, just be you.

[556] You know you can't call people twinks anymore?

[557] Why not?

[558] Adam Cole.

[559] and the guy who's the head of Bravo, how to apologize.

[560] Is that his name?

[561] The guy who's the head of Bravo.

[562] He made a twink joke.

[563] I'd like to see him and try to stop me, Joe.

[564] He had apologized to the Twink neighborhood, the Twink community.

[565] Let's see.

[566] Old Greg had a man, Jina.

[567] I support him.

[568] Anyway, so Buck Angel.

[569] So Buck Angel.

[570] You should explain to people and don't know what the fuck we're talking.

[571] So Buck Angel is a very famous transvestite.

[572] Transsexual.

[573] Excuse me. Who is a woman, but is almost as james.

[574] act as Joe Rogan, and just a massive frame of a man, of a, you know, typical man, but actually is a woman, you know.

[575] And does porn, right?

[576] And does porn.

[577] And is married to a woman.

[578] Halla.

[579] But which makes me wonder, does that make him a lesbian?

[580] Well, he does porn with girls or guys?

[581] With guys, which I did, I did the, maybe girls too, but I did the, I did myself an unsolic and I was like, oh, I'm curious because I was really fascinated by Buck Angels.

[582] Brian, you know what you do.

[583] So I went online and I looked up some Buck Angel porn and it was really, it really kind of messed me up because I saw him in the elevator the next day because he was, and I was just like, oh God, like I'm so, I'm so confused.

[584] I'm just confused.

[585] So did it feel like gay porn?

[586] What did you feel like you were watching?

[587] Well, it was just like, it was a total shaved vaj.

[588] And it was just so, it was like, You see the top frame, which is all, like, he looks like a lumberjack.

[589] He's got a goatee.

[590] He's tatted up.

[591] He has huge muscles.

[592] And he lives his life as a man. So I feel, you know, it's right to call him him because he, I think that's what he prefers.

[593] And he was great.

[594] Like, he was fucking cool.

[595] Like, I liked hanging out with him.

[596] But, like, you know, after I saw him getting pounded by a dude that looked just like him into his vagina, I was really confused.

[597] Oh, my God.

[598] Oh, there's Buck on the right.

[599] That's Buck.

[600] That is so crazy.

[601] Look at him.

[602] but he's fucking huge that really does look like a fucking dude that's amazing I mean that's a that's a big guy that's crazy that Brian added that song by the way so the question did you really if you go look for that yeah he does that on everything that's son of a bitch if you go to that actual video you will not get that full experience someone needs to make that that mix but yeah that looks like a big dude it yep and there's no there's no D downstairs but does he have like a enlarged clitoris at least.

[603] Yes, but also really, really excited that he has this project going.

[604] I just want to reach out to you kids and let you know that I really had a tough time when I was a kid.

[605] People didn't understand me. People didn't get that I felt like a guy.

[606] I got teased.

[607] I got, I was in fights constantly.

[608] I was isolated.

[609] I didn't know who to reach out to.

[610] I tried to commit suicide Okay, enough buck, you're bumming me out I wanted to watch you suck some dicks I didn't want to watch you cry You're acting like a little bitch Okay, you're insensitive This is more transphobia You guys are cave people I'm gonna throw up my vegan pizza now Oh, that's fun Anyway, moving on listen it takes every kind of people to make this world go around i think we learned that in the 70s and uh buck angel good on you go get that so then there was another transvestite that was transsexual excuse me i'm using the wrong the wrong word yes vestite is just a pretender in a dress forgive my ignorance just a man in a dress look i i live a sheltered life when you go and get your shit snapped that's when you move into the wonderful world of people that made the commitment you know i don't understand what was the name of the other A story.

[611] Need a story.

[612] So there's all these hormonal treatments that they have to undergo.

[613] And they have to get them every week or every month.

[614] I think so, yeah.

[615] How do you afford that?

[616] It's a good question.

[617] I wonder if people's insurance companies pay for it.

[618] Oh, boy.

[619] I bet they do.

[620] I bet let's find out.

[621] Okay, let's Google.

[622] I bet they do.

[623] I bet this is something that people have been trying.

[624] There's a lot of trans genders in this country that are like really in a bad place.

[625] And they do not have the money to be happy.

[626] And if they were just switched their gender, gender and I think that as a community we should be doing that for that.

[627] Can we give this person name this character?

[628] This is my ultra -progressive Dick Wad.

[629] What's the name?

[630] Curl it, whatever you want.

[631] Cammy Jill Shelly.

[632] It's a man named Shelley.

[633] What am I looking for?

[634] I'm looking for insurance companies pay for sex change.

[635] Okay, insurance.

[636] And look at Buckstar vagina also.

[637] If it is, guys, this could be good for everybody.

[638] I don't know.

[639] why I said that.

[640] What's wrong with you?

[641] Trying to keep up with our retardedness.

[642] I think so.

[643] Well, I think I'm feeling warm.

[644] Insurance company to pay for sex change.

[645] Bam.

[646] A queen's woman trapped for 34 years in a man's body.

[647] Wins a battle with her insurance company that balked at paying for her sex change operation.

[648] Wow.

[649] A queen's woman.

[650] I love how they, first of all, this is like really shitty journalism.

[651] Really shitty.

[652] New York Daily News.

[653] You don't say a queen's woman.

[654] in a man's body wins a battle with your insurance company.

[655] No, no, no, no. You say transsexual man who became a woman wins a battle with an insurance company.

[656] You don't say someone trapped in a man's body.

[657] How about she's not?

[658] Maybe you hang out with her for a couple weeks and go, oh, no, this is just someone who's fucking crazy.

[659] You know, isn't that possible?

[660] No, you've made this, like, huge judgment and painted this in a, you know, a very biased way.

[661] although she does look like a chick.

[662] There's got to be some people out there that have had actual sex changes and then tried to go back.

[663] Yeah, I'm sure.

[664] I'm sure people were bummed out.

[665] I remember this one, this guy got really bummed out because he couldn't come anymore.

[666] He realized that he was never going to come.

[667] Well, that was what Nina Story talked about.

[668] Nina Story is a famous transsexual that was also at this conference, the ever -mentioned conference.

[669] And she had undergone how many surgeries been?

[670] She was addicted to plastic surgery.

[671] She'd gone under like 60 times under the needle.

[672] But she did something that was really interesting.

[673] She chose to have her body be a canvas, and she documented the whole change.

[674] So she has videos, and there is, I think she has a book, Nina Story.

[675] Oh my God, what have you done?

[676] And it's funny because, like, you look at her, and she's just like this unbelievable, like, she has a, figure like she looks like Jessica Rabbit exactly and it's it's interesting it's not it's just like it's a fascinating visual and she was really intense and she was talking about her like her power and her energy and she had this really crazy voice there's another Nina story that's a singer is it not a story I know it's another there's just a chick who sings you fucking ruined her life a vocalist audio clips lyrics concert schedule photos the style incorporating pop blues fun alternative rock jazz and soul plus i used to have a dick oh no i think it's a different person i think it's a different person did you find it did you find it oh what is that oh no don't show me buck angels is in large clitoris is it in large yes it's quite quite funky okay i'm going to look up nina's story Why did you have to do that?

[677] Don't you, don't you understand?

[678] It makes me uncomfortable.

[679] Why?

[680] It's just, it makes me so confused.

[681] Don't be, okay, don't be.

[682] But that was what they both talked about, was that, and I don't blame them.

[683] They said that they didn't want to go with the full sexual transformation because the propensity of losing your orgasm was very high.

[684] And who wants to lose that?

[685] But how are you going to look like a chick if you still have a dick?

[686] You know, I mean, you're going to, if you want to really be a woman and pretend you're a woman, you're going to have to give something up.

[687] You're going to have to give up shooting loads.

[688] Yeah, it's called a mangina.

[689] You're going to have to give her up shooting loads.

[690] Never.

[691] No?

[692] I think of a woman, you know, if a man wants to be considered a woman, you can't have a dick, okay?

[693] If you want us to call you shade.

[694] You know what's really funny, you guys?

[695] I was tempted to tell my parents to listen to this one, I was like, because they haven't listened to the previous two that we did here.

[696] And I was like, I bet today's going to be different because I feel like, I feel like everything's cool.

[697] Yeah.

[698] About education.

[699] Are you sure it's not Nina Arsenal?

[700] That's it.

[701] Nina Arsenal.

[702] Dude, Nina Story.

[703] We are sorry.

[704] Way up.

[705] Nina Story.

[706] It's Nina Arsenal.

[707] Sweetie, we're so sorry.

[708] Sweetie.

[709] Please go support Nina Story on iTunes.

[710] Go buy her shit.

[711] We really, we apologize.

[712] Nina Arsano.

[713] I'm sure your twinkle's doing great.

[714] He does look like a crazy Barbie doll type thing.

[715] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[716] The silicone diaries.

[717] Okay, so I guess that's his thing.

[718] What's really amazing is the body language, because she still had she still moved like a dude oh stop before i puked she did she did i thought she was very feminine she sat down like well she said that because she said that when she would open her legs to you that was her power energy coming at you wow power energy you know what she that was like her like opening up her her metaphorical whole oh my goodness son my goodness joey diaz and i were in Vegas once And we, a transsexual showed us the package with Mrs. Rogan was there as well.

[719] And she got a chance to look at it too.

[720] And Joey said it best.

[721] He said it looked like a bat with its mouth open.

[722] Oh, my God.

[723] It looked like someone that slammed an apple core into someone's cock.

[724] It's like, you don't need that anymore.

[725] Let me just scoop that bitch out.

[726] And then pull some ball skin over the hole and like stitch it.

[727] It looked like an empty hole where a dick used to be.

[728] Oh, wait.

[729] It was a. Yeah, dude.

[730] And it's in the wrong spot, too, by the by.

[731] Have you ever noticed that?

[732] Was it on the front?

[733] Well, fake vaginas, they're more towards the front than the real vagina.

[734] You know, real vagina is sort of tucked a little bit further back.

[735] Well, it tastes different.

[736] They're a lot more salty.

[737] Oh, come on.

[738] Come on.

[739] What are you doing?

[740] You're fucking kidding.

[741] You're kidding.

[742] Wait, you can't show tits on newsream.

[743] But you could show that.

[744] Well, that wasn't real.

[745] It just looked like it was something sexual.

[746] But it was just a dude with his hand.

[747] being silly.

[748] Maybe you guys can fucking exercise the horrible feelings and thoughts in this room and sweep them out of here with a song.

[749] Can you do that?

[750] Because this conversation has gone dark.

[751] Yeah, can we It's been the dark one.

[752] This is a dark one.

[753] Well, somehow or another, we started out so well with dogs.

[754] It was like dog world, dogs people wean on each other and it was okay.

[755] I mean, there's a quick descent from there.

[756] But we got, we got the school shootings I think let us down a dark place.

[757] and we tried to recover with some humor.

[758] Transsexual talk.

[759] Yeah, I got it.

[760] I'm exhausted.

[761] Got a little crazy.

[762] Well, you guys brought up the buck cherry.

[763] So, um, Buck.

[764] Also, a different, yeah, you guys are great.

[765] It's just a, I'm so glad you just had Buck Charing.

[766] I mean, Buck Angel, I mean, Buck Angel.

[767] Do you guys know Buck Cherry?

[768] I've seen them.

[769] Don't know personally.

[770] Do you, oh, okay, you don't have like a Buck Cherry story.

[771] I like that cocaine song.

[772] I don't even, I've never even done cocaine, but that song's great.

[773] It gets you gone.

[774] yeah oh man he loves the cocaine yeah loves the cocaine you know what the new thing is is liquid cocaine I know I've seen a lot of people having this like liquid cocaine where it's in like a like a nose spray thing really and you just spray it in your nose no way that is crazy and so it just looks like no so looks like you're doing like you're just cleaning your nose out you're just doing oh my god so these people just carry them around in their purse and it's crazy wow and I guess it's better also for you it's healthy It's really clean and good for you.

[775] It's like the e -cigarette with a fucking Steven Dorf commercial.

[776] Guys, let's take back our ability to do Coke in public.

[777] Let's take back our freedom.

[778] Have you seen that commercial with Stephen Dorf?

[779] Oh my God.

[780] It is possibly broke the douchebag scale.

[781] It might have broken the douchebag scale.

[782] Brian, pull it up, please, while we're waiting for beautiful Suzanne to urinate.

[783] This is a video, Blue Cigarettes, Steven Dorf commercial, Blue Cigarettes.

[784] It is easily the duchiest commercial in the history of the world.

[785] He's in black and white, okay?

[786] And he's smoking an e -cigarette.

[787] Take us freedom back, man. Why was, what's his thing?

[788] How come we know Steven Dorf?

[789] He was in Blade.

[790] Okay.

[791] Was that his breakout role?

[792] Not his, I mean, he did a lot of movies, but he was in Blade.

[793] I mean, he was the fucking head vampire in Blade.

[794] From there on, it's been a downhill slot.

[795] and to the point where, and no disrespect.

[796] And he's like, look about you, Fear Factor guy.

[797] Listen, we're just talking about reality here, son.

[798] Don't get upset.

[799] You're building.

[800] I probably would have done that commercial too, that cigarette commercial, if they paid me enough.

[801] Yeah.

[802] Where the fact is my dad?

[803] Who knows?

[804] But once you see it, you just like, whoa.

[805] You've got to be really unaware to write this, to ask someone to do it.

[806] Forget about him.

[807] Look at this.

[808] Wait, to you see this.

[809] I'm tired of being a walking...

[810] Right, stop with the music.

[811] I'm tired of being a walking astray.

[812] I'm trying to be a walking...

[813] I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up.

[814] Negative one.

[815] I'm tired of being a walking astray.

[816] Negative two.

[817] I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up.

[818] I'm Steven Dorf.

[819] Hold on.

[820] Pause this.

[821] Suzanne Marcius.

[822] You gotta see this.

[823] Just hurry up and sit down.

[824] The Steven Dorf cigarette commercial?

[825] Have you seen this?

[826] No, I haven't seen the ad.

[827] It's the duchiest commercial.

[828] Oh, you broke your leg.

[829] It's the duchiest commercial in the history of the human race.

[830] I don't think there's been a duchier commercial.

[831] It's for Stephen Dorff for electric cigarettes.

[832] Okay, look at this.

[833] I'm tired of being a walking ashtray.

[834] Negative, two.

[835] I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up.

[836] I'm Steven Dorff.

[837] I've been a smoker for 20 years.

[838] And I just found the smarter alternative.

[839] Blue E6.

[840] Blue lets me enjoy smoking without it affecting the people around me. He's in Malibu, by the way.

[841] Look at this.

[842] Look at this.

[843] Not tobacco smoke.

[844] That means no ash.

[845] And best of all, no offense of odor.

[846] I still would.

[847] We could smoke at a basketball game if you want to.

[848] And how about not having to go outside every 10 minutes when you're in a bar with your friends?

[849] The point is you can smoke blue virtually anywhere.

[850] Oh, that's so dumb.

[851] Oh, I don't like this.

[852] I don't like it.

[853] We're all adults here.

[854] It's really bad.

[855] I like to look into the game.

[856] This time we took our feet about it.

[857] I like how he looks away.

[858] He paused away.

[859] Stop it with the music, you fuck.

[860] Look at him.

[861] Look at it.

[862] It's like looking cool, black and white.

[863] That is so unbelievable.

[864] It broke the doucheback scale.

[865] It literally broke the doucheback scale.

[866] It's black and white for no fucking reason.

[867] There's no reason for that.

[868] It's an artistic choice, man. I'm going to do this commercial, but I want it to be artie as fuck.

[869] Oh, no. I want to look like Jack Kerouac.

[870] I have to be honest with you.

[871] I smoke electronic cigarettes because...

[872] There's nothing wrong with something.

[873] smoking them.

[874] I don't like to tell anyone or do it in public because I'm embarrassed, but like I'm satisfied because I'm not smoking regular cigarettes because I love them, but they're bad for me. Well, I don't think electronic cigarettes are good for you either.

[875] That was one of the duchies things I've ever seen in my life.

[876] It's ridiculous.

[877] And I feel like I need to take, I need to take a time out.

[878] No, listen, I support the idea of electric cigarettes.

[879] It's not, the idea of electric cigarettes, I totally support it.

[880] But that approach, the cool guys, on the beach.

[881] It's not cool.

[882] That's the thing.

[883] Someone should get up there and be like, hey, I do this, but it's pretty fucking gay.

[884] But the image that they're trying to betray is like this man who's like rugged with his like his stubble by the ocean with like a Siemens jacket on.

[885] You know?

[886] I mean, he has this fucking Jack Kerouac look to him.

[887] Like he's going to go write the Great American novel.

[888] He's just so cool to be around.

[889] Goes to the local bar and they all know him by name, you know?

[890] Me and Buck Angel like the smoke cigarettes on the beach.

[891] Meanwhile, yeah, comes out, the Buck Angel's pregnant with Stephen Dorff's love child.

[892] That's another thing.

[893] What if Buck Angel got pregnant?

[894] I don't know.

[895] I don't know if you can anymore.

[896] They would come out.

[897] It would be dragons.

[898] That's where dragons come from.

[899] When societies figure out how to turn a man into a woman, then a guy fucks it, and then it gets pregnant, a dragon is born.

[900] I think I saw that in Game of Thrones.

[901] Where is it?

[902] Game of Thrones coming out in March.

[903] Is it?

[904] Yeah.

[905] Ooh, you just made me excited about March.

[906] I can't wait.

[907] Now the end of the world can't come.

[908] You know what?

[909] Honestly, I'm going to take back what I said before.

[910] About what?

[911] I think we're okay.

[912] I think we're okay.

[913] I really do.

[914] We're okay.

[915] But the aliens are coming.

[916] Well, I think the aliens are already here.

[917] If you get in an isolation tank, they'll talk to you.

[918] Did you, there's that show?

[919] This is, I fucking love this.

[920] I haven't seen it.

[921] I don't even know what's the show called on the neighbors or something where it's about aliens and they, they come to life.

[922] No. They come to Earth.

[923] That's what the dude from E .R. I'm not sure, but all I know is my friend told me about it, and forgive me if I misquote myself.

[924] But the show is about these aliens that come to Earth, and they look like people, and they don't have substantial up -to -date information on how to integrate themselves into the human society.

[925] They have this, like, sports almanac from 1985.

[926] So they all give themselves names like Jackie Joyner -Cursey and, like, Larry Bird and Green Abdul -Jabbar, and it's like a six -year -old white kid, and his name's Kareem Abdul -Jam.

[927] I could be totally wrong.

[928] I've never seen the show, but my friend was telling me about it, and I thought that was funny.

[929] That's kind of funny.

[930] The end.

[931] Yeah, that's how the aliens come.

[932] And six -year -olds that pretend to be black athletes.

[933] Dude, I would.

[934] Yeah, that's how to do it.

[935] Confuse the fuck out of everybody.

[936] Before you guys get started, I got to give a shout out to the float lab.

[937] The float lab in Venice, California, the premier isolation tank people builders in the country.

[938] They're on the west coast.

[939] If you're ever in California, if you're in San Francisco, take a flight down.

[940] Trust me. You need to see what these guys are doing.

[941] They're taking isolation tanks to the next level.

[942] They just install a new one in my basement this week.

[943] It's crazy.

[944] You've got to come see it.

[945] We've got to make a new video.

[946] Let's make a new one.

[947] Because this new one's insane.

[948] And I want to take care of them.

[949] If you're in Venice or anywhere near it and you can get there, I think it's only like 40 bucks for an hour and a half or something like that.

[950] They're very reasonable.

[951] And without a doubt, they have the best equipment on the planet Earth.

[952] This new one they put in my basement is eight feet long and six feet wide.

[953] It's huge.

[954] You have a friend could go in there.

[955] Yeah, you could have a party in that bitch.

[956] Get Buck Angel and Buck Cherry together.

[957] Yeah, both of them.

[958] How on.

[959] And if Buck Angel got pregnant from Buck Cherry, that might be the apocalypse.

[960] Dude, if you had to be in the isolation take with all of them and Steven Dorff.

[961] Yeah.

[962] Ow, you're crazy bitch, but you fuck so good, I'm on top of it.

[963] Hey, get off me, man. I'm trying to be cool by the beach, man. I don't think what you're doing's cool at all.

[964] Get it together.

[965] Good for you, electronic cigarettes.

[966] Try to be a guilty.

[967] Try to be it guilty about lighting up.

[968] And you can light up in a basketball game, because you know me, man. I like to go to the game.

[969] Hang out with the guys.

[970] Have a beer.

[971] Why does your man vagina smell like Jay Moore?

[972] what exactly does jaymore smell like i don't know what's he smelled like buck cherry by the way I'm a buck cherry fan don't get it don't get it twisted right I like buck cherry that that crazy bitch song when I think about my ex -girlfriends like all of them they could play like all my memories of every chick that I dated until I was like 26 and throw them together with a buck cherry song that crazy bitch song Just all my memories of every crazy one of them, splice them all together.

[973] So, respect to Buck Cherry.

[974] And respect to Buck Angel.

[975] Fuck it, man. If you really feel like you were a dude, fuck it.

[976] Get in there, son.

[977] You've done a great job of looking exactly like a dude.

[978] You know, if you were in jujitsu class, I wouldn't want to roll with you.

[979] You look quite big.

[980] I don't have to deal with that kind of fucking horsepower.

[981] Would you shrimp out?

[982] I would help escape.

[983] Try to help escape.

[984] You know what we did on Saturday night this past weekend?

[985] Inside Trimbao.

[986] We went to an amateur wrestling night in Nashville, Tennessee.

[987] Oh, that was Friday night.

[988] That sounds awesome.

[989] Those things, that was our second one.

[990] We went to one in Cleveland this past year, like three months ago by default.

[991] And it is an unbelievable thing.

[992] It's a social experiment, right?

[993] It really is.

[994] And it's for some reason around like really big dudes, like something happens to me where like.

[995] It's called ovulating.

[996] I think it is.

[997] is.

[998] I swear to God, because I, like, okay, one time I was in Las Vegas with my whole family, by the way, because we all liked to drink and gamble.

[999] And we were at the Rio, and it was Christmas time.

[1000] And all of a sudden, all these Chippendales came out with Santa Claus.

[1001] And I was like, oh, my God.

[1002] And I got pulled onto stage.

[1003] And I couldn't do anything except go, whew!

[1004] It's just like freaking out.

[1005] Because they picked me up, and they were just so big.

[1006] And I just kept touching their arms.

[1007] And I was like, oh, my God.

[1008] Did your hormones start?

[1009] firing over time?

[1010] Did your eggs start rumbling?

[1011] I'm a real, like, I'm a real, I'm a real, I'm a real personality kind of girl.

[1012] So the whole thing, I think just the actual visual is so, is such a shock to my system of like a big dude.

[1013] He's like picking me up and his shirts off and he's very, he's hairless and greasy.

[1014] But were you willing to let it go and like accept the fantasy?

[1015] Oh, yeah.

[1016] No, it's a total fantasy.

[1017] Total magic mic on this motherfucker.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] I mean, and I don't know.

[1020] In my mind, he's probably hung like a field mouse and I was fine.

[1021] Oh, in your mind?

[1022] figured out a way to rationalize it all.

[1023] I was like, yeah, there's nothing, this is, this is all wrong.

[1024] This is all wrong?

[1025] But there's something about, the big dude, yeah, oh, yeah, I mean, but the big dude thing is such a, like, crazy phenomenon to me. So if you could go into a parallel dimension, which could never be accessed again, and those Chippendale's guys could just run a train on you, but no one would ever know, you'd be cool with that.

[1026] I don't know about that.

[1027] As long as you could just let it go for, like, it's not even real, it doesn't even exist.

[1028] And after it's over, you go right back to the moment where you thought up that idea, you're the only one with the memory, it's all good.

[1029] You know, if we had some deep talks and they held me afterwards, I think I'd be cool with it.

[1030] It's tough to find deep talks from the chippin' nails guys.

[1031] Probably a lot of chippin 'els guys are listening to this podcast night right now, right now, and they're going, bro, okay?

[1032] If you were in my shoes, you know what?

[1033] Let me tell you something.

[1034] Magic Mike fucking got me going.

[1035] I was into it.

[1036] But any whore, I digress.

[1037] Anymore.

[1038] We were at the amateur wrestling night, and there was one of those dudes.

[1039] And it was like, he was not, obviously, he wasn't great A top choice muscle meat for me, but he was really, interesting and there was like great personality I would I disagree but um great A top choice muscle meat how do you uh how do you define that do you have like it's it's all like he wasn't I said are you looking for like a Brock Lesnar type character like what is your great A muscle meat I'm not sure who that is but I like that name Brock Lesnar former UFC heavyweight champion see this is not my this is not my realm so I need some help kind of looks like the Russian dude and Rocky yeah he looks like okay I'm into that you know he's come here on a boat with a fucking sword in his hand hops off the beach.

[1040] Not really.

[1041] Yeah, you'll probably cut your head off.

[1042] Yeah, I don't know about that.

[1043] But while he's fucking you to be like an experience.

[1044] This is so bad.

[1045] I cannot believe I was going to tell my parents to listen to this podcast.

[1046] I hope to Christ they don't.

[1047] I'm sorry, guys.

[1048] Mrs. Honey, honey, we really apologize if you're listening right now.

[1049] They didn't mean to paint her in such an unfavorable light.

[1050] They can hang.

[1051] This is all just play.

[1052] We're play.

[1053] This is entertainment.

[1054] In real life, I would never talk to your daughter like.

[1055] that she's a beautiful human being and I respect her very much but on the podcast we got to take our shots for entertainment okay and that's where the whole gang bang run -of -train chippendales in the parallel dimension thing came from I don't want that to happen I don't think Suzanne wants that to happen either okay they were there but afterwards what do they say to you I don't think anybody knew what to do because I was just like wow I was like I was high I mean they picked me up they picked me up right did that feel good kind of, yeah, kind of exciting.

[1056] I'm tall and winky, and, like, that doesn't happen very often.

[1057] Like, like, I can manhandle you?

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] Women want that shit.

[1060] That's your DNA crying out.

[1061] It's why a dude doesn't want the opposite.

[1062] A guy doesn't want a chick or carries him upstairs.

[1063] Like, what the fuck?

[1064] If a girl picks you up and carries you upstairs to fuck you, you're like, okay.

[1065] You're already defeated.

[1066] How many times does it happen to you, Joe?

[1067] I don't think it's ever happened to me yet, but.

[1068] Mrs. Rogan?

[1069] Life is young.

[1070] Things can happen.

[1071] People can get crazy.

[1072] crazy yeah but man doesn't want a woman carry him right have you ever had a dude carry you ben a girl rather carry you ben um not in a sexual sense maybe uh just around town just around i've hopped on a few backs i think wow yeah that's you got to be really confident someone doesn't fall backwards yeah my confidence especially when grab people are grabbing your ankles holding you and two more of your friends he's a very large two more your friends he picked up three people Very able -bodied adults, although the lady was on the small side.

[1073] She was very tiny.

[1074] What's the small side?

[1075] A hundred pounds?

[1076] She's probably like a five -tour.

[1077] That's a lot.

[1078] Something like that.

[1079] To add to a dude.

[1080] He's like your seven -foot, bro.

[1081] Wow.

[1082] There's some big humans out there.

[1083] It happens.

[1084] Mm -hmm.

[1085] Honey, honey, what are you going to play for us?

[1086] What do you want to do first?

[1087] Excuse me?

[1088] What?

[1089] I'd literally just say.

[1090] Do you radio head?

[1091] Okay.

[1092] Because the other one's sad.

[1093] No sadness.

[1094] This is a cover.

[1095] We did too much sense.

[1096] Obviously.

[1097] This is a song by Radiohead that we wrote.

[1098] You ready?

[1099] I mean so.

[1100] I'm not fine.

[1101] Don't start without me. I just borrowed his guitar.

[1102] We're just going to go with it.

[1103] Yeah, let's do it, Betty.

[1104] You ready?

[1105] Yeah, is that, okay.

[1106] Is that okay?

[1107] Here we go, bitches.

[1108] One more time.

[1109] Two, one, two, one, two, three.

[1110] four you used to be all right what happened the cat gets your tongue your string on done one that was really cool that's very cool very different for you guys it was weird love it love it That's a really interesting take on that song, too.

[1111] You know, we haven't played that as a duo, which was scary.

[1112] Oh, really?

[1113] Well, we played with my roommate, this very talented musician, Ben Lewis, and he played, we did it a little trio style, and he played mandolin and sings, so it was kind of, it really sounded bluegrass.

[1114] Is it still scary if you guys, I mean, when you think, like, you guys perform so much together, I would think you have almost like a sort of an ESP when it comes to doing a song together, and you know how to like ebb and flow with each other does it like when you like a song like that we haven't done as a duo before and you were just doing it yeah because you don't want it to suck what especially what you do want it to suck no but I mean especially if you're going to cover a fucking Radiohead song you want to you want to like do it some justice I think that was like a B minus what do you think oh that was great shut the fuck up don't judge yourself okay there you're right I'm sorry I'm sorry you sound really good um radiohead they release all their shit online, right?

[1115] Did they do that?

[1116] They do it both now.

[1117] They did at least one of their albums on online, yeah.

[1118] I think they were the first big band to say name your price.

[1119] Oh, really?

[1120] Oh, wow.

[1121] So how do they do that?

[1122] They just say, like you put up a PayPal account or something like that and so you could give us a buck or you can give us...

[1123] Didn't they make like over a million dollars?

[1124] Yeah, yeah, they make so much money.

[1125] Do you think if we do that, we'll make millions of dollars too?

[1126] I don't think we're quite there yet.

[1127] I don't know.

[1128] Maybe we should try.

[1129] Do you guys feel?

[1130] a build -up, do you feel like your crowds are getting larger, your Twitter followers are getting more, you're getting more attention?

[1131] Do you feel it?

[1132] We're kind of cruising right now because we're working on this record.

[1133] So we haven't been going out much, we haven't torn that much, and it's, it's not a lot, it is a low, because we're not, we're not touring.

[1134] You're just creating new stuff?

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] Do you, when you do that, how do you, do you take time off the road and you just like say, okay, we have to set aside X amount of weeks?

[1137] Like, how do you do it?

[1138] when you decide you're gonna we keep trying to set deadlines no we're setting deadlines um so we're gonna be recording by late february but we still we have a lot of work to do you know we have a lot of writing that we haven't done yet we've been it's so funny last time we were here we're doing the kick starter stuff and in between we've been making all the rewards all the people who donated the campaign oh the videos there's a photo of haikus man let me tell you something that's hilarious it's been it's been really really fun and and a lot of work work but like the actual it's just the two of us like nobody's helping us with it which is really really the truth and like each person like half like you know 90 % of them we don't know who they are and that it's such a cool feeling like you know someone gave us like people giving us $500 or even $25 whatever the case is like a really amazing feeling and then like to write them their haiku and and to like it's stuttering well it's no it's really cool I hear what you're saying It was fun, but we're almost done, and we got a couple shows, you know, things like that here and there, but really we're just writing.

[1139] It's really cool, and, you know, these people are always going to have this connection with you now.

[1140] It's, you know?

[1141] Yeah, it has been a good thing to see, see all these names.

[1142] Now we have these names.

[1143] We know the names, too.

[1144] We have addresses.

[1145] We can find these people.

[1146] That's pretty fucking badass.

[1147] It's really badass when you stop and think about it.

[1148] You might need to sleep on your couch.

[1149] It's so unusual, you know?

[1150] Really stop and think about it.

[1151] How often does a band get to do that?

[1152] I mean, the Rolling Eastone's never got a chance to do that when they were coming up.

[1153] You know, who gets a chance to do that?

[1154] No, but they hung out with the hell's angels and, you know, a big deal.

[1155] Is that okay?

[1156] That's a substitute.

[1157] Well, that's what we need to do is we need to get a motorcycle gang behind us, and I think that's just like straight to the tippy top.

[1158] That gets like people stabbed.

[1159] You've got to be really careful with that shit.

[1160] I mean, lives aren't so bad.

[1161] Just kidding.

[1162] I make jokes.

[1163] This is kind of a weird, maybe terrible thing.

[1164] I got through the airport security with a night.

[1165] knife yesterday.

[1166] Somebody else just told me the exact same thing the other day.

[1167] You did?

[1168] I realized it was in my jacket and I said, fuck, I, you know.

[1169] What are you carrying a knife for?

[1170] What are you doing, man?

[1171] It's a gift.

[1172] You're getting grazing?

[1173] It's a gift.

[1174] You're out there?

[1175] Maybe I have to shoot them the fucker.

[1176] When you're a jet, you're a jet for life.

[1177] Exactly.

[1178] I was snapping.

[1179] A switch is making a comeback?

[1180] Yes.

[1181] I carry a knife on me all the time.

[1182] Do you really?

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] Wow, you gangster.

[1185] It's, you know what?

[1186] Some packages are really hard to open to you know.

[1187] When you walk to your car, you want to open something, you got a little threat.

[1188] on your coat just listen don't think I don't appreciate it if I was a chick I'd be armed as fuck you know I didn't really think about it as much until I moved to Nashville and I I'm alone a lot of the time so it's like never mind I'm fine I'm totally armed I have a big dog just pulled their pants off I'm alone a lot of time when did you start dating big black guys it's time to fantasize from the beginning oh Suzanne please stop I'm sorry.

[1189] That's my giant horny redneck that sees you at the supermarket voice.

[1190] I won't like to the death if I have to, you know.

[1191] I like how you roll.

[1192] You got to do what you've got to do.

[1193] This is getting hardcore.

[1194] Living in Nashville is better, worse, different.

[1195] I'm going to say better.

[1196] Better in the sense that from a, you know, I'm here to play music vibe.

[1197] Like you get so much more for your dollar.

[1198] It's a very affordable town.

[1199] There's incredible musicians on everything.

[1200] every corner that are welcoming and inspiring and helpful and like we we have all these friends that help us with like just getting integrated and we um I really like it's funny I was I was telling Red Band earlier he's like how you doing and I was like you know I'm great and I love LA I really do but like the minute I got on the 10 and I was stuck in traffic I was in a foul mood yeah I just like I wanted to get here I wanted to go pick up Ben across town and like it was just It was funny.

[1201] It took so long to get here.

[1202] I left at 12 .30.

[1203] Wow.

[1204] And I don't know.

[1205] There's just something about Nashville that I really, our productivity, like you have, I have more energy.

[1206] I go to the YMCA like four times a week.

[1207] I mean, things are, look at this happening.

[1208] So you have more time?

[1209] More time.

[1210] Much more time.

[1211] But why is that?

[1212] The pace is so much slower there, just in general.

[1213] And it's a smaller town.

[1214] There's not as many people.

[1215] We know fewer people.

[1216] You can get around easier?

[1217] Yes.

[1218] Ben lives like a mile and a half for me, which is nice.

[1219] See, again, you guys are moving to a new place?

[1220] Why don't you move right next door to each other?

[1221] You're crazy.

[1222] Why not create a little community?

[1223] Well, you know, we kind of are right next door to each other.

[1224] Yeah, I mean, we're, I couldn't tell you the last time I went a day without seeing you, like a whole day.

[1225] How does that feel?

[1226] It feels great.

[1227] I think you're really great.

[1228] I think you're really funny and you're so smart and talented and good looking.

[1229] You're beautiful.

[1230] What a great body.

[1231] I like how you guys roll.

[1232] This is beautiful.

[1233] She's got ugly.

[1234] Do you have to resist that?

[1235] Do you have to resist that?

[1236] I don't think we should talk about this.

[1237] Do you have to resist romantic urges?

[1238] I think.

[1239] I'm just, no conversation is going, going gay these days.

[1240] No need to have this conversation.

[1241] Ben's revisiting his life in the 90s.

[1242] It's odd though to have a man, woman sort of equal partnership like this in a band that works and nobody winds up getting pregnant.

[1243] Oh my God.

[1244] God, I'm so not ready for that.

[1245] You know, I mean, you guys are like bandmates, really good friends.

[1246] It's a, that's a weird position for a man and a woman to be like really good friends, isn't it?

[1247] In this day and age, it's very unusual.

[1248] Yeah, because it's, you know, it's difficult in a lot of different ways because, you know, for the significant others that we date.

[1249] Yeah.

[1250] That's like a, that's a big one, you know, to, because we're so close.

[1251] I mean, we, and creativity together is a very intimate thing.

[1252] So, you know, it's a, it's a rough road.

[1253] Being a musician in general, because, like, you either date someone in your band or you date someone not in your band that you never see.

[1254] Or you're with someone that you see every day.

[1255] There's like this, like, fine line.

[1256] Do you ever, do you ever date a guy?

[1257] He's like, do you fucking Ben guy?

[1258] Never.

[1259] No, that would be ridiculous.

[1260] That would be.

[1261] I don't like how he looks at you when you said.

[1262] Why would I want to date someone who didn't like my best friend?

[1263] I'd be like, then, yeah.

[1264] Unless he was a Chippendale, I might make some reparations.

[1265] Yeah?

[1266] If he was a Chippendale?

[1267] No, I wouldn't.

[1268] Just those guys from that night.

[1269] If you could just relive, it would be a short -lived relationship, let me tell you.

[1270] Well, listen, that's what you're looking for.

[1271] What are you trying to do?

[1272] You're trying to fix the world?

[1273] You're trying to have a good time, okay?

[1274] What are you going to do?

[1275] Can establish utopia and start a new community?

[1276] No, you're going to get you freak on with a bunch of fucking shave dudes.

[1277] That's the problem.

[1278] A little baby oil and a big party.

[1279] The smell of something.

[1280] on tan lotion in the air.

[1281] Oh, no. Right?

[1282] God, it's so funny.

[1283] Lank shavers, all of them, too.

[1284] Tann fellows.

[1285] How does that affect?

[1286] I'm white as goat cheese.

[1287] It's just like, it's amazing.

[1288] I couldn't get a tan to save my life.

[1289] No?

[1290] I've tried.

[1291] Didn't work out well.

[1292] Do you burn?

[1293] I burn very, yeah.

[1294] But you have dark hair.

[1295] I do.

[1296] Yeah.

[1297] What is your nationality?

[1298] Italian?

[1299] I'm a pop aside.

[1300] And my mom is Native American Indian and European.

[1301] Huh.

[1302] Yeah.

[1303] So I'm going to live forever.

[1304] and being an alcoholic.

[1305] Kidding.

[1306] It was not true.

[1307] Is that the case?

[1308] Like, do you find that it runs in your community?

[1309] Absolutely.

[1310] I mean, of course of all, whose family, I want to know, doesn't have alcoholism?

[1311] Yeah, come on.

[1312] Boring people, Mormons.

[1313] I mean, it's true.

[1314] Like, every culture has their physical relationship to it.

[1315] Genetically speaking.

[1316] And I believe that the, I, I'm a lightweight.

[1317] As much as I love to drink, like I'm, I'm kind of good after two drinks.

[1318] I'm pretty warm.

[1319] My voice, my volume gets louder.

[1320] You know, I start taking the clothes off.

[1321] I'm kidding.

[1322] You're good for a party.

[1323] That was a lie.

[1324] You're ready to go.

[1325] In the most fucking classy kind of way, bros. That's all anybody's looking for.

[1326] The most classy kind of way.

[1327] Period.

[1328] But anyway, yeah, I hope that I said that well and it was not offensive.

[1329] Do you find easy to make friends in Nashville?

[1330] You guys like meeting cool people and you enjoy it.

[1331] Yeah.

[1332] It's an unusual town, isn't it?

[1333] Yeah, and it's so, it's, I never realized how huge L .A. was until you go to Nashville.

[1334] And it really is a small town.

[1335] Like, we go out, we're there two weeks and you go out and you're seeing people that you know.

[1336] And you can get across town at 15 minutes and everybody just kind of wants to hang.

[1337] It's like a big sitting on the porch, beer drinking community.

[1338] Yeah, it's like, I think that when towns get too big, and there's a lot of, great things about L .A. There's a lot of, I mean, there's so many great restaurants, there's so many places to go.

[1339] All my friends live here.

[1340] I love L .A. But I really like smaller towns.

[1341] I really love living in Boulder.

[1342] I really love Portland.

[1343] I really love Nashville.

[1344] Nashville's badass.

[1345] And there's like a better vibe.

[1346] There's like, like, oh, the frequency in the air is less intense.

[1347] It's not death metal.

[1348] It's like fucking piano music.

[1349] You know what I mean?

[1350] It's like you can relax a little, like the frequency of the actual city.

[1351] itself you go to new york okay new york is it's red line everywhere you go it's it's there's too many people there's no way to avoid that it's a crazy fucking town you could you could take you an hour to drive across that stupid island you know a whole hour easily easily which should take you a minute you know it should take you one minute i tell you so that kind of stress is going to definitely affect people socially and you don't get that in like a place like Nashville and that in itself is better and that's what it feels like the pace of everything is slower you know so you can get more I don't know if you take advantage of it you get more accomplished because there's not this constant scurrying that you feel like you have to do or at least I had felt like I had to do in LA yeah it was like get to here get to here get to here get to here and then nothing to actually come of any of these things no I feel that I feel that constant scurring you know I've had friends like Eddie Bravo he used to live in West Hollywood and he loved liked living in West Hollywood because he felt like when he lived there, the pace was like a faster pace because everybody was doing things.

[1352] It made him feel like you got to get up and get things done.

[1353] That is the last shit I need.

[1354] You know, I do not want that.

[1355] Well, it's kind of like you have to get up and get things done and then you can't get there on time because you have to wait.

[1356] That's a difficult thing to digest.

[1357] Do you guys do any wean covers?

[1358] No, but we talked about piss up a rope last time we were here.

[1359] We played it.

[1360] Where did the cheese go?

[1361] Oh, is that it?

[1362] Where did the cheese go?

[1363] Oh, that's great.

[1364] I love cheese.

[1365] You love cheese?

[1366] You know what's a sad thing about cheese?

[1367] Oh, no. Joe, don't.

[1368] Don't.

[1369] Tell you what's a sad thing.

[1370] This is a fucking country, okay?

[1371] People are not allowed to use un -pasteurized milk to make cheese.

[1372] You have to pasteurize the milk and homogenize it and boil it down and kill all the stuff that makes the cheese taste good.

[1373] You ever have cheese in Europe?

[1374] No. Oh, you've got to have cheese in France.

[1375] You have some non -harmonitized cheese in France.

[1376] from an old like cheese maker some motherfucker really knows what they're doing you can get it in america i mean don't get me wrong there's places in we used to get some running my cheese dreams delicious cheese um there's a place of beverly hills it's like a straight cheese place and i know they probably like a cuban cigars sort of a thing like you can get Cuban cigars but you got to know people they got to know you first and they slip you the non homogenized non -pastrized non -pastrized the secret cheese you have secret cheese access in los angeles do you ever have raw milk do you ever drink raw milk I have you.

[1377] It's delicious.

[1378] It's okay.

[1379] And it's so good.

[1380] It's just okay.

[1381] You know, raw milk with cookies.

[1382] You cannot go wrong.

[1383] Warm or little curd.

[1384] With some badass fucking...

[1385] Straight from the teat.

[1386] Yeah.

[1387] Sitting on the lap of an elderly man. A couple pubic hairs.

[1388] If you get some badass cookies, okay, some really good, like Nestle's tall house type bitches.

[1389] Like, what is that, what is that, what is that place at the airport?

[1390] Did you just say Nestle's toll house cookies?

[1391] Type bitches.

[1392] Type bitches?

[1393] Yeah.

[1394] What is that fucking?

[1395] No, not Cinnabon.

[1396] the um those cookies there was like the there's like a like a fucking famous cookie chain they're amazing cookies god damn i can't remember okay hold on famous amos no spires famous amers are pretty good but there's like cookies that you get like they're always at the mall are they gourmet cookies yeah yeah yeah oh mrs fields yes there you go mrs fields and you know they have the ask me another one take a few of those just get some peanut butter chocolate chips and you know what i'm gonna find a mrs fields in this area in pasadena we're going to go there after this fucking show wow i need some cookies You can't go.

[1397] You've got to go to Hollywood.

[1398] Look what's happening.

[1399] Oh, my comedy special comes out tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen.

[1400] Tomorrow, it comes out on Joe Rogan .net.

[1401] If you go to Joe Rogan .net, it's available.

[1402] We're having a problem with the Amazon thing.

[1403] It was supposed to be ready today, but it's not.

[1404] So hopefully it'll be ready by tomorrow, but if not, the PayPal thing will definitely still be ready.

[1405] I like it to be ready with Amazon so you can do that one -click, which is awesome, by the way.

[1406] I'm a huge Amazon one -click proponent.

[1407] So it'll be on Joe Rogan.

[1408] net.

[1409] It'll be there to, that's what it's going to look like.

[1410] You know, you've got to enter in all your nonsense.

[1411] And the special, something that I paid for it entirely myself, Louis C .K. style, I did essentially exactly what he did.

[1412] I'm releasing it for five bucks.

[1413] I think what he did, like, by setting that price is, like, really smart.

[1414] I think it's really cool.

[1415] And, you know, Louie's one of the best comics in the country.

[1416] Why would you ask for more?

[1417] Don't be playing that.

[1418] This is an outtake.

[1419] Stop that shit.

[1420] I know what it is.

[1421] It's my show.

[1422] but it's available tomorrow and then there's like a whole thing explaining that I paid for and please don't steal it you know of course certain people are going to steal it you're going to but it's I think it's a reasonable price I think I think this sort of model like what we were talking about with Radiohead what they did and allowing people to pick the room I think stop playing my shit dude I wasn't playing my shit I'm not it's kind of cool to look at the quality of it dare you no it's great positive image video did it, the same people that produced the UFC shows, and my friend Anthony Gerdano, he's the director of it, and he's the one who did my last one, Talking Monkeys in Space too.

[1423] And we, you know, I'm real excited to do it this way for a couple reasons.

[1424] One, I think it's the best way to distribute things, to distribute them online, and to do it directly to your fans, instead of having to go through Comic Central or any of these other, for a comic like to have an outlet to release your stuff, there's only a few options.

[1425] You could do an HBO thing or a showtime thing or, you know, and like, unfortunately you have to actually sit down with people when you do that and they have to decide what you what they like about your material what they don't like and that shit that shit is whack okay that is like the worst thing about being a comedian is when you go to release your stuff and there's other people that have a say or want to have a say in the actual content it's crazy it's the it's the it's the it's the they're the dumbest conversations I've had people get upset at the dumbest shit it's it's really it's It's mind -boggling, and it's unnecessary.

[1426] And I think one of the things that is really important about art is whether it's a stand -up comic or someone who writes something or whatever it is, I love an individual's unique point of view.

[1427] I love seeing the way a person puts it together, you know, whether it's perfect or not.

[1428] If it comes from you, I like that.

[1429] I like knowing that you wrote all your jokes.

[1430] I like knowing that you thought all these thoughts, that you printed all those.

[1431] words I want to be connected with your your thoughts your creativity your consciousness and the only way to do that is for a person to release their own shit period you know whether it's a band to release their own shit or a comedian to release their own shit as soon as you have some executive type characters interfering with your creative process you're fucked you know you just are they that's not what they're supposed to be doing but when they can they will they get their dirty little greasy fingers all of your shit and they fuck it up inevitably And I guess that's not necessary anymore.

[1432] Because of this podcast, we've essentially cut out doing most radio shows.

[1433] I mean, I occasionally do radio, but it's not like every week, like I used to have to do it.

[1434] I don't have to do as many different interviews.

[1435] You can talk directly to the people that enjoy what you do.

[1436] And these are crazy times, you know.

[1437] This podcast alone has changed my life, changed Brian's life, changed Ari's life, Duncan's life, Joey's life, changed all of our lives.

[1438] We're in a weird place right now.

[1439] And I think the only smart thing to do is just keep going in the same direction.

[1440] That's why I got this new studio set up, and that's why we're releasing things online like this, and that's why we're all touring, and we're all continuing to write material.

[1441] And your special, by the way, is out right now.

[1442] You could actually buy it this second right now.

[1443] This right second.

[1444] Yeah, I'm not supposed to say that because I'm trying to get everything in order, especially get the Amazon shit corrected, but if you want to get crazy.

[1445] Go ahead, buy it, download it.

[1446] It's supposed to be up.

[1447] Yeah, I mean, I guess it didn't.

[1448] Don't say sorry.

[1449] You didn't know.

[1450] How did you know?

[1451] Yeah, but tomorrow it's official.

[1452] So wait for tomorrow if you like fucking opening up your presents in the morning.

[1453] If you're one of those dudes who still believes in Santa.

[1454] Wait until tomorrow, okay?

[1455] If not, yeah, you can go fucking get it right now.

[1456] Five bucks.

[1457] Please don't steal it.

[1458] Okay, I paid for the shit.

[1459] It costs like more than $100 ,000 to film.

[1460] It's very expensive.

[1461] Yeah.

[1462] Well, you did professional style.

[1463] Yeah, no, I didn't fucking.

[1464] around and we did it at the tabernacle in Atlanta which is a beautiful historic theater it's an amazing amazing theater and uh it was important for i hadn't been to Atlanta in a couple years it was important to do it somewhere where i hadn't been for a while to cover you know to i don't i hate getting emails from people like when the fuck you're coming back to vancouver trust me i want to come back to vancouver i just haven't had a chance so that was an atlanta sort of a situation so it was really cool to be able to do it in Atlanta and Atlanta is uh does not get enough credit.

[1465] That is a bad -ass fucking town.

[1466] I love Atlanta.

[1467] And it's one of the most diverse, like racially diverse towns.

[1468] Atlanta's one of those places where you see like a lot of black dudes wearing suits.

[1469] Like a lot of like...

[1470] Gator shoes, stuff like that.

[1471] Expensive clothes and, you know, drive, like it's a weird thing.

[1472] It's like there's a lot of like black professionals in Atlanta.

[1473] It's like the level of interaction between white people and black people.

[1474] It's way higher in Atlanta.

[1475] And that's a fucking real problem with L .A. You know, L .A. is, first of all, like, kind of segregate.

[1476] And second of all, it's such a car culture that people don't really, it's not like on the subways in New York, people will mingle, black people will mix with white people.

[1477] Everybody gets together.

[1478] People from different, all sorts of different economic groups are all together.

[1479] In L .A., that's not the case.

[1480] In L .A., there's, like, a lot of haves and have -nots.

[1481] It's a lot of separation, and everyone's driving.

[1482] So no one's, like, on a train with a bunch of, you know, young kids.

[1483] So it's a different sort of a vibe I think we miss out Because of that you know The idea that you know You get a little more A little less crime that way And you know It's a little safer that way But you miss out on a little bit Of the whole experience of being a human In Atlanta It's a lot of mixing going on It was cool You know I liked it So a lot of black guys with white checks A lot of that I saw a lot of that I saw a bunch of white dudes With black chicks too It was an interesting place I dig Atlanta, but it was a really cool place to do my special.

[1484] Tabernacle's great.

[1485] Yeah, it's pretty dope.

[1486] And that's the name of the special.

[1487] It's live from the tabernacle because I'm not that creative and I couldn't come up with a better name.

[1488] That's all I had in my wheelhouse.

[1489] I searched.

[1490] I found nothing and I decided to just release it.

[1491] So from Talking Monkeys in Space to live from a place.

[1492] The last one, I ran out of my good names.

[1493] Do you do, once you release this special, do you stop doing that material live?

[1494] Yeah, I mean, maybe on a rare occasion, if someone yells something out, I would do it just for fun, you know, but it's over.

[1495] Yeah, got to let that shit go, move on to the next material.

[1496] That's why, first of all, it's why people are like, why did it take so long to release this?

[1497] Because we filmed it on 420 in April.

[1498] So part of it took that time because I had a new website that just went live last week, and it takes a long time to get, like, a professional website design company to build, like, exactly what you want.

[1499] and, you know, just the website traffic has been so crazy that it's gotten to a point where I needed something that was like a little bit more robust and a little bit more functional.

[1500] And then, you know, incorporating the podcast into it and we're working on a totally new podcast website now and that's like the next step.

[1501] But it's, this whole podcast thing is just, it's gotten so out of control.

[1502] It's almost like, I don't know how Brian, if you feel about it the same way I do, but I always feel like we're like on a fucking little boat on top of some crazy wave.

[1503] I'm like, whoa, what do we need to do?

[1504] We need four fucking rafts.

[1505] Okay, let's get rafs.

[1506] You know, like, when we buy shit for the studio, it's always like, what do we need?

[1507] Oh, we need more of this shit.

[1508] We need more of that shit.

[1509] And it just seems to be kind of growing on its own, and we're just kind of keeping up with it.

[1510] This is a part of it.

[1511] So, you know, these shows that we do, whenever I ask people, like, how many you guys listen to the podcast, about a year in, it was about 50%.

[1512] And now it's like 100%.

[1513] Now it's crazy.

[1514] And we're having the fucking time of our lives.

[1515] I just want to tell you guys, as much as you people are enjoying it, we get these emails, we get these tweets and text messages.

[1516] I get these emails every day that tell people, or people telling us, rather, that the podcast has changed their life and changed the way they think about things and the conversations we've had with people like Dennis McKenna yesterday.

[1517] I talked to a guy today who told me, listened to it five times already.

[1518] out yesterday you know it's like it was such a crazy fucking conversation we are just as you are we're growing with these conversations as well there's no other way brian and i would have had the opportunity to sit down with all these people and have these conversations with them they wouldn't just be willing to come meet us somewhere and sit down for three hours a day crazy if i was just updude and lived in a castle somewhere but i need to converse with this man bring him to me you know the only way you can really have a it has to be worthwhile for the them too so they can get their message out so it's this whole thing has been a real symbiotic exchange so uh when you guys i can't say it enough people keep telling me you know this podcast changed your changed my life i i've heard it before and i appreciate the fuck out of it every time and there's no other way to say it you know um we're we're blown away by this whole thing we appreciate it is this like love music in the background i've had the time of my life i've had the time of it's that dirty dancing yes oh it's beautiful Remember there was two albums?

[1519] Don't put baby in a corner, okay?

[1520] All right, so Joe Rogan .com.

[1521] Go get it.

[1522] It's available on PayPal and I think Amazon and hopefully Amazon's ready by today.

[1523] If it's not, it should be around tomorrow.

[1524] But that's it.

[1525] Hi -ho.

[1526] Go fuck yourself or not.

[1527] I don't care.

[1528] Honey, honey, honey, honey, would you like to play another song?

[1529] Honey, Honey, Honey, would be joining us this Friday at the end of the world show.

[1530] The first time we've ever done a show with band, ever in the history of the world.

[1531] Really?

[1532] No pressure.

[1533] Nothing.

[1534] Shit.

[1535] No, please, it'd be awesome.

[1536] You guys, I believe, are the first people that played live in here, right?

[1537] Weren't they?

[1538] Everlast was second.

[1539] You guys were first.

[1540] We came before Everlast.

[1541] Popping cherries left and right.

[1542] Dude.

[1543] We love popping cherries.

[1544] What?

[1545] What?

[1546] I think you just contributed to rape culture again.

[1547] No, no, no. That could be consensual.

[1548] Buck cherry and she's my cherry pie.

[1549] Dude, hey, thanks for having us on.

[1550] here again please we love you guys and the people that uh contact us online love you guys the people that we we've talked to so many people that say thank you for turning us on to honey honey i get a lot of them and they're awesome isn't that cool it's so great it's so good i don't know what happened man but we have the coolest fucking people in the world that are connected to us i really don't get it i don't i don't know how it took place it's an amazing lack of douchebags it's staggering the actual douche numbers to cool people numbers it's crazy it doesn't exist anywhere else on the earth creating utopia it's pretty cool and we we appreciate it listen we appreciate you guys you guys are awesome you're incredibly talented and like I said before we do whatever the fuck we can to promote you guys thank you well speaking of I want to say that we have a show in Cleveland my hometown on 1226 that's the day after Christmas at the House of Blues in downtown and I feel like it's like only half full right now powerful Cleveland get out there If anybody's in the area, we're headlining, so we're going to play for a nice chunk of time.

[1551] Beautiful.

[1552] When you guys do a headline, you said, how long do you play for?

[1553] I think you're going to do 70 minutes?

[1554] Yeah, 70, 75.

[1555] That's a good number.

[1556] I'd like to do that on standout, too.

[1557] When I do more than that, I feel like I'm testing people's paying their attention.

[1558] They're like, enough, dude.

[1559] How much more you want attention?

[1560] Well, we talk a lot, too.

[1561] You know, there's a lot of, there's just, you know.

[1562] Do you guys have like Paul Stanley type banter?

[1563] Paul Stanley?

[1564] I don't know who Paul Stanley is.

[1565] Kiss.

[1566] Oh, I never seen that.

[1567] I was like, is that a comedian?

[1568] I thought it was that guy that was like, I don't know.

[1569] How are you out there like to taste of alcohol?

[1570] Oh, no, but we should.

[1571] Brian, pull some of that up.

[1572] Paul Stanley, um, introducing for Kiss before we play this song.

[1573] If we try that, I think he's talking about Paul Schaefer.

[1574] No, Paul Stanley from Kiss.

[1575] Paul Stanley talks to the audience.

[1576] It's there's, honey, honey.

[1577] And we think you're great.

[1578] No, you have to do it.

[1579] You have to be totally fucking cheesy.

[1580] Yeah, Paul Stanley talks to the audience.

[1581] This is a short video of Paul Stanley talking and playing with the audience at a Kiss Alive, 35 concert.

[1582] That's...

[1583] We should do this, but that's just...

[1584] That's Peter Chris.

[1585] What Paul Stanley does, they've made CDs out of it.

[1586] The dude, whoever you are, that's made those CDs.

[1587] I forget your name.

[1588] Thank you very much.

[1589] This guy sent me a stack of them.

[1590] They're hilarious.

[1591] It's all Paul Stanley from In Between songs.

[1592] How many are you all things?

[1593] Lock to party!

[1594] Like that kind of shit?

[1595] It's like super duper cheesy shit.

[1596] He's getting mad with a laser.

[1597] He's getting...

[1598] Oh, some guys get a laser.

[1599] Bring that guy up here with a laser.

[1600] Come here, schmuck.

[1601] Schmuck?

[1602] Come here, schmuck.

[1603] No, you know...

[1604] You know, yeah.

[1605] People know you're an old Jew when you're calling a guy schmuck and you don't have a shirt on.

[1606] Try to find that one Paul Stanley talks to the audience.

[1607] Yeah, that's just so they could get rid of some douchebag.

[1608] Is that it?

[1609] that's amazing yeah how about that one what was that one that's another one it's all it's all making things anyway my point is I have no point that's my point my point is he's a hell of a showman that Paul Stanley got it smart guys those kisses they made a lot of money those kisses yeah yeah are you guys are you guys fans what kind of music did you listen to growing up I listen to I have a really really old dad so I was listening like classical music in music for the 20s and 30s.

[1610] Then how old are dad?

[1611] He's super old.

[1612] He's 91 now.

[1613] Whoa.

[1614] Yeah.

[1615] Wait, how old are you?

[1616] I'm 27.

[1617] Holy shit.

[1618] And this was before C. Alice.

[1619] Holy shit.

[1620] Five hour boners.

[1621] I'm praying for that.

[1622] How old was your mom?

[1623] She's 28 years younger than him.

[1624] Whoa.

[1625] God bless your dad.

[1626] That's why he got a boner.

[1627] Ben's dad served in World War II in the Pacific and stormed the airfields of Palilu.

[1628] Holy shit.

[1629] And he's hard core Yeah, he's amazing Holy shit Mark Jaffe Dude your dad is a hero That's why you got a boner It's 28 years younger chick Yeah He's a hero boner You don't look Asian at all either It's terrible He don't look Asian at all How dare you He's Russian He's a mail order bride child Damn Easy Easy Easy I'm talking about mom and dad here He fucks So you listen to classic shit that's like yeah well i listen like he would start you know the there's an opera called the magic flute yeah this is got there with it's Mozart Mozart with this opera called the magic flute and he played every single weekend so he'd just be blasting he blasted like he was playing acdc but he like every every every weekend yeah so i remember that and then uh what did he get you into playing music no not really neither of them did they didn't really play that much but I don't know where it started but I just decided I want to play violin first and I played violin when I was like six and then I dropped it and then I started playing drums and from there on I just kind of freaked out about it and got upset.

[1630] So from age six you started with a violin Wow I can't play it at all anymore though No, it's a shame I feel like actually it would come back If I really put in the time You should give it a whirl Yeah I think I believe in you She said a bit sarcastic No I'm not serious I believe in you I think you can do it Come on champ John John's shot.

[1631] Get in the girl.

[1632] Come on, Rocky.

[1633] There is no tomorrow.

[1634] What about you, Suzanne?

[1635] How'd you start?

[1636] Well, I listen to a lot of, like, juxtapose with, my folks run an Italian restaurant.

[1637] So I grew up with a lot of, like, jazz, like Rosemary Clooney and Frank Sinatra and Louis Prima and stuff like that.

[1638] And I like that a lot.

[1639] And then, like, regular, like, 90s rock pop.

[1640] like um scorpions um my mom listened to rock set there was a lot of rock set in the car what's rock set um oh god um what what's their song hold on it'll come to me fucking a red bands where we at here it's there was oh god rock set it'll come hold on but there's there's there's rock set yeah well how does it go yeah you got the loop you got the loom There's a many thing And fucking in the sun And that song There was that song Yes So there's that Like my mom was the more Sort of contemporary culture My dad and I used to listen To a lot of journey together And harmonize You guys used to harmonize together I remember actually Don't stop Believe it It was crazy And I'd be like You take the high And he'd be like No way You and your dad would sing Journey together Yeah And my dad played some Acoustic guitar Wow You know, he really like Jethro Toll a lot.

[1641] Really?

[1642] Yeah, he was, you know, he had a band in the 70s.

[1643] Did he really?

[1644] A mustache and a perm.

[1645] Whoa.

[1646] Your dad had a perm.

[1647] Pretty hip, that guy.

[1648] Did he have bell bottoms?

[1649] I hope not, but yes.

[1650] Of course he did.

[1651] No, I'm sure he did.

[1652] There's all these pictures of my dad and my grandfather, my uncles, and they look like Italian mobsters.

[1653] Like, they just, everybody has, like, everything's, like, together.

[1654] There's, like, tailored suits and, like, glass, big glasses.

[1655] glasses and that's just in the 70s you know time elton john glasses totally it was totally gay but um weird time the 70s are so confused it's like they got disconnected from the the mother nipple of drugs you know it's like in the 60s they all had acid and marijuana and mushrooms and in the 70s like oh what do we stay sober man stay a lot of pot and a lot of quailudes you know quailudes pills pills confused motherfuckers start wearing pointy shoes and bell bottoms dude big belt buckles it's What am I doing?

[1656] I don't know.

[1657] But isn't that funny how, I feel like back then, dudes, for the most part, had such, there was such a, like, wardrobe -wise speaking, there was so much more of an effort put into what guys would wear on a regular basis.

[1658] Yeah, because they didn't have Match .com.

[1659] You couldn't just, like, find people online.

[1660] You had to pretend to be something you weren't.

[1661] You had to go somewhere and wear the outfit and do whatever you could to get someone to touch you.

[1662] Jesus Christ, what do I have to like?

[1663] Do I have to dance?

[1664] You know, men are essentially junkies, and they're born into this world junkies.

[1665] And then they go out as young men with these full raging hormones, and it's this massive quest to figure out how to get someone to touch you.

[1666] And what do I have to do?

[1667] What do I have to pretend?

[1668] Do you have to talk a certain way?

[1669] Brass tax.

[1670] Cut my hair a certain way.

[1671] Let me just get that figured out first.

[1672] And every man is struggling with that.

[1673] From the time we're young, when we're 16, 17.

[1674] 18, the conversations we have It's all about how we figure it out How to fucking get them to like us So funny Yeah Well that's what breeding is all about If it wasn't for that sense of urgency There'd be three people on the planet You know, you'd have to The only reason why we do it Is because we are junkies We're just so crazy Just get rid of the loads Just get them in there quick Somebody touch me And so There you go with bell bottoms Fucking confusing wardrobe things It takes like 10 years for people to go, what the fuck are we doing?

[1675] Yeah, what the fuck are we doing?

[1676] These things look stupid as fuck.

[1677] You're right, man. Fuck bell bottoms.

[1678] Pants are still here, okay?

[1679] Pants work.

[1680] Everybody's cool with jeans.

[1681] Jeans have been around since fucking, you know, Butch Cassie and the Sundance Kid had the same jeans that you wear.

[1682] They wore jeans?

[1683] They wore jeans.

[1684] Denim.

[1685] They wore canvas, which is interesting.

[1686] Most clothes and pants during like the minor days, the cowboy days, were actually made with cannabis.

[1687] They were made out of hemp.

[1688] What?

[1689] Yeah.

[1690] Most clothes.

[1691] Yeah.

[1692] Well, before.

[1693] Before slavery was illegal, that's what most shit was made with.

[1694] They made more clothes with hemp and more flags and sales.

[1695] All that stuff was made with hemp because it's much, much stronger than cotton.

[1696] And then when Eli Whitney came along and made the cotton gin, oh, then it became really easy to make shit with cotton.

[1697] And then the decorticator was invented in the 1930s.

[1698] and the 1930s was right after prohibition for alcohol had ended.

[1699] And they were trying to figure out what to do with all these fucking drug enforcement agents that were assigned to go after alcohol.

[1700] And one of the things they did was a concerted effort between this guy, William Randolph Hearst, that owned all the newspapers.

[1701] We also owned all these paper mails.

[1702] And the cover of Popular Science Magazine had this article, Hemp, the new billion -dollar crop.

[1703] And so everybody was switching over to hemp because they had created this decorticator, which allows you to effectively process the hemp fiber, the stalk of the plant, which is incredibly useful for making paper and clothes.

[1704] It allowed you to process it without slavery.

[1705] It allows you to process it economically effectively.

[1706] And so William Randolph -Hurst started printing all these articles about marijuana and about how marijuana was causing blacks and Mexicans to rape white women.

[1707] Oh, wow.

[1708] So that's how they shut down the hemp business.

[1709] It was all about hemp as a commodity.

[1710] It wasn't about...

[1711] Was he protecting cotton interests, his own cotton interests?

[1712] He was protecting paper because he owned paper mills.

[1713] He was also DuPont had an interest in it because DuPont had came up with a chemical composition for nylon to make ropes.

[1714] And previously all ropes had been made out of hemp.

[1715] How do you know this?

[1716] It's going on here.

[1717] It's readily available.

[1718] You can get it online.

[1719] But I mean, you're just like, it's amazing.

[1720] That is very impressive.

[1721] It's just memory.

[1722] That's all it is.

[1723] It's just, look, you ask me shit.

[1724] about important things, like where your taxes go.

[1725] I don't really know that.

[1726] You know what?

[1727] We don't want to know.

[1728] You should know.

[1729] Our overlords are lying to us.

[1730] But that's the only reason why it's still illegal today, where it's still legal today, is now it's gone from a textile and an issue with, like, nylon.

[1731] Now it's gone to pharmaceutical drugs, and the influence of pharmaceutical drugs is the only reason why it's...

[1732] And then there's also people that would profit from it being illegal, like prison guard unions actively spend money to try to keep marijuana illegal.

[1733] Private prisons, they will actively try to spend money to keep marijuana illegal because they want to keep their prison stocked because that's how they make money.

[1734] Isn't that amazing?

[1735] Yeah.

[1736] Prison unions, prison guard unions spend money to make sure that drugs stay illegal.

[1737] That's cute.

[1738] Isn't that cute?

[1739] Because they make money.

[1740] I mean, it literally is like slavery.

[1741] I mean, if it wasn't illegal, those people wouldn't be in jail, they'd be free.

[1742] So you make something that they do and you spend money to keep it illegal, something they enjoy that doesn't hurt anybody else, you spend money to keep it illegal so you can enslave them and make money from the fact that they're locked in a cage that you own.

[1743] Mass incarceration.

[1744] That's amazing.

[1745] We're going to look back on this day in the future when people are, when they have full access to everything, including thoughts and all misinformation, will be accounted for and corrected, we will look back with great shame and how stupid we ran this world.

[1746] We will look back with great shame at the people that we called our leaders and what a group of fucking monkeys they are.

[1747] When you see them arguing about the fiscal cliff and all this other nonsense, you realize these are incredibly flawed human beings from a different time in an era and they're all trying to appease these fucking monsters that put them into position.

[1748] These corporations, they'd spend millions of dollars in a sociopathic way to try to profit from these fucks representing them.

[1749] We're going to look back on this, and we're going to be really, really shocked that we were this week.

[1750] We're going to be really shocked that it was this pathetic with our incredible access to information, that we were still this wonky with our system of government and our system money and welfare and protecting each other.

[1751] other and our sense of community and our willingness to go into wars.

[1752] We're going to look back on it.

[1753] It's going to be shocking.

[1754] Just as shocking as the Inquisition.

[1755] Well, I don't think that they don't know what they're doing.

[1756] You know, I think that it's, it is a joke to see how, how the world is run or our country or whatever, sometimes, not all the time.

[1757] But, you know, I don't think that it goes like under their radar.

[1758] I think it's just like politics and selfishness.

[1759] It's that, but it's also completely out of control.

[1760] so big.

[1761] The system is so interconnected.

[1762] There's hundreds of different organizations.

[1763] There's more than a hundred different countries.

[1764] There's all this fucking politics.

[1765] There's a certain amount of natural resources that they need every fucking day.

[1766] There's so much is going on.

[1767] There's so many different connected issues and so many fucking human beings.

[1768] It's so hard.

[1769] It's like people were born into this system.

[1770] It's completely chaotic.

[1771] It's completely out of control, completely corrupt, and it's like everybody agrees.

[1772] Everybody looks at it and says it's a mess, but no one knows what to do.

[1773] And they try to work within the system to fix it, but that doesn't seem to be working.

[1774] So it's like our options are wait for it to completely fall apart and come up with something totally new, or slowly sort of chip away at this horrible problem that our ancestors have created and left us with.

[1775] Because that's the real issue.

[1776] It's like you and I, and we didn't create this world.

[1777] we didn't decide to invade Afghanistan.

[1778] You know, we say we are going to war with Iraq.

[1779] It's not, we have nothing to do with that.

[1780] The fact that some human beings that somehow or another represent us because we're all in this one patch of dirt together is crazy.

[1781] And it's always been crazy.

[1782] It was crazy when the Romans did it.

[1783] It's crazy when the Greeks did it.

[1784] But it's even more crazy when we do it.

[1785] It's more crazy when we do it because we have, we have the access to the information that allows us to see the wiring under the board.

[1786] and see what's really motivating this whole thing and see where this is all going from.

[1787] And it's embarrassing.

[1788] It's embarrassing.

[1789] It's embarrassing that we're so dumb that these are our leaders.

[1790] The guys like Newt Gingrich really think they could be president.

[1791] It's embarrassing.

[1792] It's embarrassing.

[1793] All of it.

[1794] That a guy like Mitt Romney can have this incredibly horrific record in business and still put himself up as a businessman for the people and almost get elected.

[1795] But it's just as crazy that a guy like Obama, can win the Nobel Peace Prize and then send 30 ,000 more people with guns to Afghanistan.

[1796] We're fucking crazy.

[1797] We're crazy shit.

[1798] Circumstances.

[1799] Circumstances.

[1800] Are, it's such a, it's just like an endless, it's like that knot.

[1801] What's that thing that Gordian knot or whatever?

[1802] What's a Gordian knot?

[1803] You know, when, okay, there's that story about Alexander the Great and he has this knot that no one can untie.

[1804] It's just this endlessly complex knot.

[1805] And you can't cut it.

[1806] Actually, that's what he did.

[1807] He just sliced it in half and destroyed this Gordian knot.

[1808] I've never heard of that, Gordian knot.

[1809] Yeah.

[1810] And you have these people, I don't know.

[1811] Wow, it's the first time I've ever heard that.

[1812] You're dealing with this infinitely complex situation, and you still have humans that are trying to solve it.

[1813] Yeah.

[1814] So, I don't know.

[1815] I think sometimes there's, sometimes there's, there's a lot of energy put towards, you know, defaming the people in power and saying, and I'm not a supporter of a lot of the people that you're talking about are the systems that govern, but I think it was interesting like this last week, sorry to get back on this, but the shooting thing, and there's this knee -jerk reaction that comes from a place of anger with a lot of people, and I think that ends up just being wasted energy.

[1816] When people just start spouting off about how, you know, things aren't, the way they should be and reacting angrily, it takes away energy from changing individual lifestyles, which is the only thing we can really do, right?

[1817] That's the only thing that you can change is how you're living your life and your usage of these resources that are basically the reason why we're in all these difficult situations because the way we live our lives takes up X amount of resource from, you know, Afghan Joe, so we have to go in there and take his stuff and create, you know, complicated situations we can't get out of.

[1818] Right.

[1819] You know, I don't know.

[1820] I'm just rambling here.

[1821] No, no, no. I agree with you in a lot of ways.

[1822] And I think that I would hate to have to be.

[1823] I think if you were elected president right now, you'd be fucked.

[1824] I think anybody would be.

[1825] People even with good intentions.

[1826] I think there's so many things you have to deal with.

[1827] There's so many pressures.

[1828] There's so much going on.

[1829] And, you know, as much as you want to be the voice of reason, you live in a fucking crazy world.

[1830] The Pakistan still exists, okay?

[1831] It's a fucking completely disconnected country with nuclear arms and a hate for India, their next -door neighbor.

[1832] And, I mean, we had Shane Smith from Vice .com and he was talking about how, you know, leaders from that part of the world have, like, said they want to strap themselves with nuclear bombs and go over and destroy their enemies.

[1833] They're fucking crazy.

[1834] And this is 2012.

[1835] And this is a reality that people have to deal with, you know.

[1836] That's why you need Navy SEALs.

[1837] You need the Army.

[1838] You need the Marines.

[1839] I mean, it sounds, people want to, they don't want to think that that's real.

[1840] They don't want to think that you do need, a military?

[1841] You fucking need a military, man. Unless you want your wife raped in the street by Chinese soldiers.

[1842] And I'm not saying the Chinese want to do that.

[1843] But I'm saying that that traditionally has been what human beings have done.

[1844] That's what Genghis Khan did.

[1845] That's what the Romans did.

[1846] The Greeks did.

[1847] People have been taking over people from the history, from the first time people started writing things down.

[1848] It's a fucking series of stories about people taking over other people.

[1849] That's what everybody's always done.

[1850] And if you don't protect the people, then that's most likely going to happen because we really haven't evolved enough to not have it happen.

[1851] It would be beautiful if everybody was all peace of love and kumbaya but the reality is if you actually pay attention to the news there's a lot of non -cumbaya type shit going down all over the world.

[1852] You need a little bit of a military.

[1853] The problem is you got a military and then you have a bunch of people that decide you know, we'll fucking send these bitches over here and then we got some oil and we'll just make a lot of money.

[1854] There you go.

[1855] 2012.

[1856] I have no problem.

[1857] point to this and this bitching doesn't do any good and the only thing you could possibly help was that somebody maybe you could listen to me and run for president and make some sense that's it the young the young people are the only people that you can change you're not going to change new gingrich that all goofy fuck he's not going to take mushrooms what are you going to do to new gingrich how are you going to change new gingrich you can't slip him he'd freak out and have a heart attack cut his dick off and drown himself in a bathtub he'd go crazy oh dear that's no readily available No way to go.

[1858] No way to go.

[1859] No, that's no way to go.

[1860] There's no point to this.

[1861] I mean, we've had this conversation with 100 different people, 100 different times, and there's no...

[1862] I don't think that, God, I really get so uncomfortable talking about these things because I don't feel like I'm, I've informed myself enough to have a strong opinion.

[1863] But my instincts and just, I agree with you that it doesn't matter who's president.

[1864] It's like you're, you're fucked because you've inherited a...

[1865] mountain of shit you know um for centuries i think that unfortunately and i'm i god forbid but you know i don't i don't think that um you know i think it's going to be something huge that's going to change everything i don't know what that is i don't know if that's something catastrophic i don't know if that's the aliens coming or whatever the fuck i but something else would have to happen for anything to really change i think it's happening right in front of our face that think it's the internet oh yeah if there's an alien i think the alien is the internet the the this this alien entity that is created by humans that allows people to connect and exponentially grow together in some strange way that would never be possible without it to have access to information that would never be available and no one saw it coming no one saw it coming and it's a factor it's an alien factor created by human beings it's alien to the earth It's alien to any of the systems that have been set up before as far as natural systems of natural selection, of survival of the fittest.

[1866] Any of those, this is an alien system.

[1867] This is an access to information and language.

[1868] If the, if something happens with, what'd you say, Brian?

[1869] If the, like, none of us have the know -how most people, like, if the Wi -Fi gets knocked out, you know what I mean?

[1870] Right.

[1871] Like, you lose all access to it.

[1872] No, that's true.

[1873] I mean, look, but you know what, if your jugular gets slit.

[1874] your blood falls out and you're done.

[1875] You know, it's like just...

[1876] God, I hope the internet is in our regular.

[1877] That's why I'm saying.

[1878] I need to learn how to live in the woods.

[1879] It's culturally.

[1880] Make my bows and arrows.

[1881] Analogous.

[1882] And I'll be cool.

[1883] To our blood.

[1884] You know which ones are the good berries and the bad berries?

[1885] You know that Ultimate Fighter Star with the, that broke his penis?

[1886] Yes.

[1887] Oh, my God.

[1888] I don't know this story.

[1889] Oh, no. Yeah.

[1890] Magical Ray Elby.

[1891] Apparently, he had a girl hopping up and down on his Johnson, and she miscalculated her exit.

[1892] and re -entry and it was tanked to tip snapped his P -9 and the home boy was in the hospital for several days getting his shaft repaired and who knows it if ever totally recover that must be some real force that's how an ultimate fighter fucks is that tendons is that muscle it's dick tissue it's officially dick tissue dish tissue yeah it's officially dick tissue that's my new favorite word I've never broken it but I heard it a couple of times.

[1893] That's like, you okay, baby, has your dish you.

[1894] You can't, you can't let a strange girl, it doesn't know how long your penises ride you.

[1895] Okay, you got to, you should hold firmly onto her waist and control her exit and reentry.

[1896] You got to be careful.

[1897] You got to be careful.

[1898] You got to have a good grip on the waist, and you got to do a lot of kettlebells, too.

[1899] You want to be able to pick her up in case she gets crazy.

[1900] You want to be able to control that thrust.

[1901] It's very important.

[1902] You know, I mean, a lot of girls would like to be on top.

[1903] There's nothing wrong with that, folks.

[1904] Don't get wrong.

[1905] But you men protect your penis, okay?

[1906] And the way to protect your penis is a firm grip on the hips.

[1907] There's got to be a certain point where you're in danger.

[1908] When they pass this, you know how long you dick is.

[1909] Was she on top for sure?

[1910] Yeah, she was like bouncing up and down.

[1911] That's the only way to break a dick.

[1912] If he misfired, that falls on him.

[1913] You would know you were doing it and you would stop while you were doing it.

[1914] You wouldn't do it.

[1915] The only way to break a dick is a girl has to be on top.

[1916] I think that's 100 % of all the broken dicks.

[1917] come from a girl being on time it's a real thing there's a few off the bed falls and stuff like that yeah yeah those guys are kind of go those that's natural selection it's like a real what you do trip landed on his dick it's happened and then you broke it that dick I don't think that's happened dude's tripped and landed on his dick jihitsu once I used to not wear a cup and uh oh my god here comes that story again you love the story I uh I got need in the dick like on the dick like flatten my dick out bam really hard by my friend Einstein incidentally it's a funny nickname it's a great guy anyway it was it was his fault he was just trying to pass my guard and he slammed his knee in my dick and um i didn't know i was hurt i mean i knew it hurt but i thought it was okay and uh you know it's just like ah and then you know you you sit down for a minute or so and then you go back in when when you not in so much pain but then when i went to the locker room after training um i had blue shorts on and i or blue pants on i didn't know.

[1918] And I took my pants off of my jockstrap was red with blood.

[1919] Oh my God.

[1920] So my dick had been bleeding into my jockstrap.

[1921] And then I peed and it came out of my dick.

[1922] It was bloody.

[1923] So then I have to figure out, okay, do I overreact here or do I treat it like I would treat my nose?

[1924] Because if my nose was bloody...

[1925] My face.

[1926] Shut up.

[1927] My nose is important to me. If my nose was bloody, I would go to a doctor.

[1928] So this is one of the things you have to do when you do jiu -jitsu on a regular basis.

[1929] You're always getting hurt.

[1930] So you've got to know what the difference between a torn ACL is.

[1931] And, you know, a cramp muscle, you know.

[1932] So I had to figure out.

[1933] So what I did was, I decided I was going to masturbate.

[1934] So I went home.

[1935] No, you didn't.

[1936] Yeah, I went home.

[1937] Are you retarded?

[1938] No, no. I went home and I was like, if I have a hard on, I'm sure my dick still works.

[1939] So I'm good.

[1940] So I got a hard on and I ejaculated and it looked like an embryo.

[1941] It looked like the inside of an egg.

[1942] No, you don't.

[1943] No, that's not it.

[1944] Please tell me that's not your jiz.

[1945] No, I don't have my jizz online.

[1946] my jizz is not online anyway because I'm not ready for that I don't want to see that and it came out that way when I peed it came out that way for three or four days and it's slowly like less and less so I was like I kept touching it and make sure it's not effective there's no pain I checked my temperature no fever and everything's cool there's no infection so I was all right just took a few days off and that was it that was it healed up I'm pretty sure it's okay and I made a baby since then so it's all good a blood baby for you I think I made both of my babies since then, so it's 100%.

[1947] It fires.

[1948] But it was a little scary, but it didn't look scary.

[1949] It looked normal on the outside.

[1950] That's why I was so confident.

[1951] It wasn't like fat and swollen.

[1952] How many days did it take until you felt better until...

[1953] It didn't hurt.

[1954] That was the crazy thing.

[1955] It just blood was coming out of it.

[1956] That is bizarre.

[1957] Well, it's not bizarre when you get...

[1958] Brian, what is that?

[1959] Oh, that is from my dick.

[1960] No. No, it's not.

[1961] Please stop.

[1962] It's not.

[1963] I didn't put it online.

[1964] That's just blood.

[1965] But it was really weird.

[1966] But it was also, I was like really questioning my own judgment.

[1967] I was like, well, did I really just jerk off after I broke my dick?

[1968] What the fuck is wrong with me?

[1969] And I was like sitting there looking at the sink, looking at this, you know.

[1970] And I did it like in a medical sort of way.

[1971] I didn't like sit in front of like a computer like, oh, yeah, you fucking.

[1972] So you really had a stern look on your face.

[1973] Yeah, it was like all medical and shit.

[1974] I'm sure I probably thought about like some ex -girlfriend or something to get the job done.

[1975] but it was, you know, a clinical approach.

[1976] I wanted to make sure that my dick worked.

[1977] Did that disturb you when Nina Hartley was talking about wearing gloves when she was on Kevin Pereira show?

[1978] She would rather have a person wear a glove and put his finger in her ass.

[1979] We had Nina Hartley on.

[1980] Do you know who she is?

[1981] No. Old school porn star from like the 80s.

[1982] And she's still doing orgies and banging people all over the world.

[1983] She's old.

[1984] I do know who that is.

[1985] What did she say?

[1986] I'm lucky you said that.

[1987] She's old.

[1988] And I'm sorry, what did she say?

[1989] She likes to, when people wear gloves, she wears gloves, and she wants them to wear gloves.

[1990] Like winter gloves?

[1991] Like mittens?

[1992] Yeah.

[1993] Yeah, like big Christmas.

[1994] What is it about the gloves?

[1995] Did she?

[1996] She wants them to be clean.

[1997] She wants everybody to be clean.

[1998] I don't blame her.

[1999] I mean, come on.

[2000] You don't want just any finger going in there.

[2001] Oh, that's my fashion photography thing.

[2002] How dare you?

[2003] How dare you show my ass?

[2004] How come you can show my ass on Ustream, but you can't show that hooker's tit?

[2005] Because that's not your real.

[2006] butt you told me that's my real butt it's not my real butt fuck his own son you know what you guys were going to play another song about an hour ago we don't have to honestly I kind of like where this is going I was like to you guys play one it's called dick tissue broke yo dick tissue do you guys have a song called dick shit tissue reset no because it's like it's like more of a something going on here no no I just don't know if I want to play this song what song is It's a new song and it's like It's a tender one Can we talk about, can we like Bring it down?

[2007] Can we get soft?

[2008] Can we get soft?

[2009] Can we Tell us about your kids too?

[2010] Oh my kids are awesome They're awesome My yeah I love them They're fun Great Little girls, I have little tiny girls that I Hang out with every day A big part of my day is hanging out Like yes they're your children Like no question But it's not just my children It's also a little four -year -old individual who happens to be a girl.

[2011] And she's experiencing all these girl things.

[2012] And I want to be like, what the fuck?

[2013] We're not going to go see that.

[2014] I don't want to see that shit.

[2015] But whatever it is that she wants to go do, like, we have to go see the Grinch.

[2016] You know, like, you have to like get excited with her.

[2017] Like, do you want to go to the carousel?

[2018] Oh, yes.

[2019] The carousel will be so good.

[2020] I want to ride a unicorn.

[2021] Do you think the unicorn will be available?

[2022] Like, I bet it will.

[2023] Did she say available?

[2024] Oh, yeah.

[2025] She's wicked smart.

[2026] She's crazy smart.

[2027] But it's like you get to see things through the eyes of a four -year -old girl.

[2028] It's really interesting.

[2029] It's fascinating.

[2030] It's incredibly fascinating.

[2031] I mean, obviously, I love it at death.

[2032] She's amazing.

[2033] I'm so happy.

[2034] Having children is like a really incredible experience.

[2035] It's really hard to wrap your head around it.

[2036] And I don't recommend it to everybody.

[2037] And I don't recommend it to people who are in bad situations in their relationship or stressed out.

[2038] But if you got your ducks in order and you're in a good place with a nice person, Having a kid is a crazy experience when you're, you know, when you could just, it's going to be hard times, but when you can hang out with this little person that you literally love more than you love your own life, like you would sacrifice your own life in order to keep them happy.

[2039] It's a very strange thing.

[2040] It's like as an entertainer, I'm sure you guys can relate to this, especially being around a lot of other entertainers.

[2041] You guys are very balanced, but not a lot of us are.

[2042] You know, a lot of us are very me, me, me, me, me, you know, and it's really hard to get past that.

[2043] There's a lot of self - ideas out there in the world of art and creativity and one of the things that's been really freeing to me is to actually have someone in my life you know have people in my life not just one a gang of these little people that I literally love more than I like me you know I want more for them than for me and that's I always thought that was bullshit I always thought that was what people said because they wanted to hear people go oh he's so sensitive oh he's so yoga I really want to you know what I mean it sounds like horseshit but then when you you understand the actual relationship between a parent and a child it's not just a little human being it's a little human being that is a part of you I mean they they literally it's not you could never understand it unless it's yours the biological switches that go off are very strange.

[2044] You know, like, so your whole feeling about love in general changes when you have children.

[2045] And my whole outlook on human beings.

[2046] Because once I had children, I changed the way I looked at everybody.

[2047] I didn't, I don't look at adults as adults anymore.

[2048] I look at adults as babies that became adults.

[2049] I look at adults as like these bundles of potential that slowly but surely became a grown -up human being.

[2050] What are you playing, Brian?

[2051] A little baby.

[2052] You're playing babies eating lemons Have you given your babies The lemons yet?

[2053] Yeah, they like lemons Wow They eat them It's weird Ha ha ha faces Yeah, they make that face Then they bite down And chew them Oh my god There's a whole community Of babies eating lemons Oh it's the best Oh my god It's okay because It's not painful But it is kind of crazy You know You don't feel like the kids Getting tortured Because look they still ate it They don't wipe their mouth off, they just go, whoa, what the fuck, man?

[2054] That was a lime.

[2055] That kid's a pussy.

[2056] That kid freaked out from a line.

[2057] Lime's not even that bad, you little fuck.

[2058] When I was a kid, we had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to get a lime.

[2059] Lies.

[2060] Lies, you tell you.

[2061] You feel like, are we in the right groove now?

[2062] We might have gotten there.

[2063] What's his next song?

[2064] Well, it's, uh, fucking A. Okay, the, it's kind of called, it's got a, weird name.

[2065] I'm not sure if this is what we're going to call it, but the chorus is, what's you're going to do now?

[2066] And it's not like water you're going to do now.

[2067] Like spelling it out, you know?

[2068] So, like...

[2069] So this is not even named yet.

[2070] Not really, no. We have a chance to hear a song that's not even named.

[2071] And we can name it, Joe, and that'll be named it.

[2072] Maybe we'll ask the people on Twitter to name it.

[2073] People on you stream, if you have some...

[2074] Maybe not.

[2075] Maybe not.

[2076] Maybe not.

[2077] We're not guaranteeing shit.

[2078] But if you come up with a perfect name, and Ben and Suzanne go, holy shit, that guy, fuck stick, 69, cold -blooded.

[2079] He found it.

[2080] He found the right name.

[2081] Maybe balls of steel can help us out here.

[2082] Balls of Steel, where are you?

[2083] You introduced us.

[2084] Then he disappeared.

[2085] No, he's still on my board.

[2086] He's still on my, we are all balls of steel.

[2087] Bloody balls.

[2088] Bloody balls of steel.

[2089] Shout out to Duncan Trussell.

[2090] That part of Steel.

[2091] the ball of steel.

[2092] Hamble, Tom Green, and Lance Armstrong can form a trio.

[2093] Dude.

[2094] Oh, my God.

[2095] What's it called?

[2096] New Quartet, no. Trio, it's a trio.

[2097] I want to see a triette.

[2098] I'm going to, you know, quartet sounds better than trio.

[2099] A triet?

[2100] Trio sounds like that.

[2101] Work that out next time we come in.

[2102] Okay.

[2103] You've got to take one more.

[2104] So, the working title?

[2105] Yeah, what's you going to do now?

[2106] What you're going to do now?

[2107] Ladies and gentlemen on Twitter, now's your time to be heard.

[2108] Ben and Suzanne are listening Yeah And judging you Just kidding, we're not We accept you You're not You're saying Wow, that's badass Play another one Fuck One more?

[2109] Oh shit Come on you fucks You guys are professionals How dare you?

[2110] I can't play fiddler right now I'll fuck What are you gonna play?

[2111] What is it?

[2112] God of love?

[2113] That's kind of a bummer one.

[2114] No, it's not.

[2115] It's so great.

[2116] It's a song that Ben wrote, and I think it's awesome.

[2117] Why do you think it's a bummer?

[2118] Because of the lyrics and how it sounds.

[2119] But what else?

[2120] What else?

[2121] It sounds badass.

[2122] I want to hear the God of Love.

[2123] That's like, that's us putting it out there.

[2124] We've never played it live before.

[2125] So what?

[2126] Do it.

[2127] It's like, it's like.

[2128] Listen, we love you.

[2129] Do it.

[2130] Make it happen.

[2131] I don't care.

[2132] We can try.

[2133] Okay.

[2134] I hope you guys just accept us out there.

[2135] Okay, shit, hold on.

[2136] All right, here we go.

[2137] Oh, God of love, if there is one, you got me pinned.

[2138] So I tap your arm, and I slap the floor.

[2139] I try to tag.

[2140] No team makes me sad.

[2141] I don't.

[2142] And I'm the jealous power.

[2143] Won't you tell.

[2144] Won't you lock me down?

[2145] my innocence give me hands a hole give me skin to taste giving my hips to throw and I'll give him my time to because I feel confused feel like a train red so won't you help me stand awesome that wasn't a bummer at all that was awesome dude that was awesome how about the ballad of buck angel have you got somebody someone I'm so glad you said that because I was really hoping.

[2146] Trosty Triggs Vaggason on Twitter suggested that the Ballad of Buck Angel.

[2147] Did they really?

[2148] Fuck yeah, dude.

[2149] I want to hang out with that guy.

[2150] Fuck yeah, dude.

[2151] With that guy or Buck Angel?

[2152] Which one if you had to choose?

[2153] Well, I've already hung out with Buck Angel.

[2154] I mean, come on.

[2155] What was that like?

[2156] He was such a kind man. Very tender.

[2157] Very tender.

[2158] And really, like, very, very...

[2159] Very soft -lived.

[2160] Genuinely.

[2161] Sounds like a steak.

[2162] I was just going to say, which ones are you talking about?

[2163] I'm sure one's not soft.

[2164] Barf.

[2165] He had his problems.

[2166] He just cute on his laptop.

[2167] I was dead.

[2168] Oh, my God.

[2169] Yeah, I don't mind trannies, but not that kind.

[2170] That's a little strong.

[2171] Trani's going the other way.

[2172] Yeah, there's different ways to slice it, no pun intended.

[2173] You're okay with the other direction?

[2174] I seem to be more compatible with the men who want to be women than with the women who want to be men.

[2175] Those confuse me more.

[2176] More compatible.

[2177] That was such a. Such a piecey way.

[2178] Well, if you looked at it, like, what would you, as a man, what would you choose?

[2179] We have to wrap this up soon.

[2180] What would you choose?

[2181] Would you rather be the man who dates the man who used to be a woman, but is not a man?

[2182] Okay.

[2183] Or, you know what I mean?

[2184] Are you asking me personally, Joe?

[2185] Because I don't really know how to answer that question.

[2186] Would you rather be a date, would you rather date a buck angel who's clearly very manly, but has a vagina?

[2187] Or like a little tie, a little tie boy who, a twinkie type, yeah, situation.

[2188] How dare you?

[2189] Who becomes a woman?

[2190] You would rather have that, right?

[2191] Who'd rather have a man who at least looks like a woman?

[2192] You're saying like a manly vagina having a man or a...

[2193] Buckingles truly a man, truly a man, but not really.

[2194] Really is a woman, has a vagina.

[2195] Would you rather have that?

[2196] Or would you rather have a guy who used to be?

[2197] be a guy, but wanted to be a girl.

[2198] He felt like he was a girl, but really looks like a girl.

[2199] Are they going to listen to me when I talk to them?

[2200] Are they going to listen to you?

[2201] What are we going to talk about?

[2202] Do you really need that?

[2203] Don't you have friends?

[2204] Come on.

[2205] What's going on?

[2206] Is that what you really want out of a relationship?

[2207] You want them to listen to you?

[2208] You get a dog, man. Dogs will listen to you.

[2209] They don't know what the fucking saying.

[2210] He does.

[2211] He's got Larry Bird.

[2212] And Larry Bird fucking loves Ben.

[2213] And he does talk to you.

[2214] You won't need a relationship anymore.

[2215] Just jerk off and have Larry Bird in your life and cut all the complications out, man. Twink's a short name for a transsexual.

[2216] No, Twink's are little gay fellas who are, you know, fairly non -muscular and very boylike.

[2217] What did they call them in China?

[2218] Oh, you son of a bitch.

[2219] Oh, you son of a bitch.

[2220] And he fucking prepared that one.

[2221] He prepared that one in his shitty little mind for like an hour.

[2222] Oh, like 20 seconds.

[2223] For like an hour.

[2224] He was rolling a while on how to introduce that one.

[2225] Son of a bitch.

[2226] Son of a bitch.

[2227] Not controversial.

[2228] Thursday night.

[2229] Red Band will be at the improv in Hollywood the night before the end of the world show.

[2230] Joey Diaz is going to be there.

[2231] I'm most likely going to be there.

[2232] Let's just say I'm going to be there.

[2233] Okay, you're there.

[2234] Yeah, like I said, there's only 60 tickets left for the Wiltern with Honey Honey Honey Honey performing.

[2235] She can come to it.

[2236] Have you guys won't the night before?

[2237] Can Ben come to you fuck?

[2238] I said, honey, honey.

[2239] Yeah, he said, she can come.

[2240] Oh.

[2241] Okay, they are a group.

[2242] It's them.

[2243] It's not she.

[2244] It's them.

[2245] Look, you got to make out with both of us.

[2246] I don't care.

[2247] He will do that.

[2248] He has no fear.

[2249] He has no fear of making out with Ben while he has sex with you.

[2250] Trust me. I'm under the influence for three days, so you got me. The kids, Randy and Reddy, ladies and gentlemen, and if you're in the Pasadena area, Brian Redback, giving out sperm and Redbear to the main stage.

[2251] All right, you guys, I got some frothy loads for you.

[2252] $14.

[2253] Margarita.

[2254] Step on up.

[2255] And they don't yellow because there's some pee in it.

[2256] All right.

[2257] Ruined it again, you fuck you, son of a bitch.

[2258] Settle the fuck down.

[2259] Okay.

[2260] This show essentially is over.

[2261] This was a fun one.

[2262] It got dark.

[2263] Thank you for having us.

[2264] But it was good.

[2265] Thank you guys for being on it.

[2266] You know, if it wasn't for you guys, we probably would have never went down the road of musical gas.

[2267] It's been really fun.

[2268] You guys were the first.

[2269] Dude, balls of steel.

[2270] Whatever it was, it was in the fucking stars for us, guys.

[2271] Yeah, I think it was.

[2272] It's friendship.

[2273] It was, I mean, the guy, if you don't know the story, a guy in my message to send me a message, a personal message said, this is going to be a new favorite band.

[2274] And it was you guys playing Angel of Death on the top of a roof somewhere in L .A. And it was an acoustic version of it.

[2275] I was like, wow, these guys are fucking good.

[2276] And then I just started, I think I saw my little toy gun.

[2277] I think that was the next song I saw.

[2278] and I just watched a bunch of your videos.

[2279] I'm like, holy shit, these guys are awesome.

[2280] And somehow or another, we all got together, and now we're besties.

[2281] It's pretty awesome.

[2282] We are.

[2283] I like what's happening here, guys.

[2284] It's beautiful.

[2285] You know, that's one of the coolest things about the internet is the ability to connect people.

[2286] The other cool thing, stalkers.

[2287] That's not cool.

[2288] No, it's not cool.

[2289] I'm being facetious.

[2290] That's the problem with the ability to connect people.

[2291] Some people are just not fully developed.

[2292] They're not ready.

[2293] You know, not to segue from stalkers at all.

[2294] all because that's like a wrong place to go from but I do want to have a little shout out and a thank you to all the amazing Death Squad fans that have come to our shows there's some incredible people that we've met on our on our on our being thank in a death squad during our travels and think about how weird that is that you like to thank the death squad do you ever think those words come out of that i don't think i would no well we never thought we would call ourselves a death squad either so why do you call them the death squad we were on the opi and anthony show What was it, 2006 or some shit like that?

[2295] Yeah.

[2296] And Opie, when we walked in, I walked in with Tate Fletcher, this is a big giant dude from the Ultimate Fighter, a good buddy of ours, and Eddie Bravo, who's a black belt in Brazilian jiu -jitsu.

[2297] And Opie goes, oh, here's Joe Rogan.

[2298] He brought in the Death Squad, like there's these people that were killers.

[2299] And we just, as a joke, started calling ourselves a Desquod, you know, because he said that.

[2300] And then Brian started the Desquod podcast.

[2301] network and it's sort of spread through that and then Brian started selling the desquod t -shirts and then people showed up at shows they're all wearing these desquot t -shirts and now people like put hashtag desquad it's all over the place yeah it's crazy and Brian does like Desquad shows you know he calls it the comedy shows Desquad shows it just was a crazy thing that sort of just grew and became weird it's like our group of friends yeah like our gang you know like we're approving like if you're on the Desquod we pretty much approve of your comedy you're yeah yeah can musicians be in your You guys are totally a Death Squad.

[2302] Oh, that's great.

[2303] That's great.

[2304] You guys are 100 % Death Squad approved unanimously.

[2305] Unanimously.

[2306] Unanimous?

[2307] We voted right now.

[2308] I'm so happy.

[2309] I'm so excited.

[2310] It's a noise, but we don't really mean the connotation of those words to connect it together like Death Squad.

[2311] It became something else.

[2312] And even though it has that name, we don't think of any, there's no death involved.

[2313] You know, there's no squad.

[2314] It's like a bunch of silly happy people.

[2315] Yep.

[2316] You know, but they just ironically call themselves Death Squad.

[2317] What?

[2318] Yeah.

[2319] With the Highland cat, too.

[2320] That really doesn't.

[2321] Yeah.

[2322] Tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen, will be our 300th motherfucking episode.

[2323] Whoa.

[2324] You were 299?

[2325] Yes.

[2326] You guys were 299.

[2327] And joining us tomorrow will be none other than the great Joey Cocoa Diaz, allegedly.

[2328] What the fuck?

[2329] You never know with Joey.

[2330] You never know what's going to happen.

[2331] It's part of the fun.

[2332] And it's also baby week, too.

[2333] You never know if he's night.

[2334] Joey Diaz's wife is about to hatch.

[2335] Yeah, a new Joey Diaz.

[2336] Put that back in there.

[2337] A female Joey Diaz who will no doubt be the funniest girl and pre -scruel.

[2338] She's just going to come out of Joey.

[2339] The cats are going to babysit the kid tonight.

[2340] Cracking jokes right away.

[2341] It's going to be very interesting.

[2342] Joey will be with us Friday night at the Wiltern.

[2343] Honey, honey, Joey Diaz, Doug Stanhope and me. It's going to be awesome.

[2344] And listen, I got all these emails from all these different people saying they're coming from all over the world.

[2345] We appreciate the fuck out of that.

[2346] And we're very excited.

[2347] And I'm so glad that we, Doug and I talked about.

[2348] doing this probably in 2003 when we first started doing our shitty version of the man show we said we should have an end of the world party and uh and we're doing it jo rogan dot net my comedy special it's already out supposed to i was supposed to not talk about it until tomorrow but a bunch of people have already saw it on twitter while this podcast was going on and said they loved it which uh i'm very happy here i'm really happy for it i don't i would never put it out if it sucked i worked really hard on this it's like a good solid year of preparation and uh and then it was a long time to set up the infrastructure, to sell this, and to be able to distribute it online.

[2349] What Louis C .K. did is a real game changer.

[2350] It sort of changed the way a lot of people, certainly the way I think about it.

[2351] Releasing things like this was never even an option or consideration until we started doing this podcast.

[2352] So thank you very much.

[2353] We appreciate the fuck out of you guys.

[2354] We're all on this together.

[2355] It's helping me as much as it's helping you guys.

[2356] I swear to God.

[2357] I don't even believe in God.

[2358] I swear to him.

[2359] I believe in Odin.

[2360] and send him praise praise Oden ladies gentlemen it's not that I don't believe in God it's that I don't I don't believe in him and I don't not believe in him if he was there I wouldn't be shocked I wouldn't be shocked life itself is fucking crazy God is an operating sister Joe could be God could be the guy who programmed the simulation he could be some autistic kid in Seattle the fucking laptop all right you fucks look we love the shit out of you We're sending out positive messages to you.

[2361] Take them in and do with them what you will.

[2362] And we'll see you tomorrow.