#1307 - Greg Fitzsimmons

[0] Haunting.

[1] Boom.

[2] And we're live.

[3] What are you doing, Greg?

[4] I'm looking up the title of a book I want to talk about.

[5] Which book?

[6] It's an audio book, and it was about reconstruction.

[7] Oh, what we were just talking about with slaves.

[8] Yeah.

[9] Yeah.

[10] And it was about how, you know, once the slaves were freed, they still perpetuated slavery by, it's called, and I've got to find it, by slavery by another name.

[11] name by Douglas Blackman and it's about how they would they had they put loitering laws in all around the country and they would find black people and if they were standing around they would arrest them or if there was like a petty larceny or a domestic violence thing they'd arrest them for fucking two years with the trial with one judge and no jury and the judge was very often a magistrate of the coal mining company they'd send the the prisoner to a coal mine for two years where he'd work seven days a week with shackles on and they would fucking whip them and if they tried to escape they tracked them down with dogs and they beat them sometimes to death and this went on for fucking decades Jesus Christ so people talk about well slavery ended back and no forms of slavery went on for a long time.

[12] Not only that, slavery ended, and what effort was done to sort of rectify the situation?

[13] What effort was done to, like, try to give even opportunities for people who grew up in African -American cities that were predominantly slaves before 1865?

[14] Yeah.

[15] Like, what's ever been done?

[16] 40 acres in a mule, do they ever get that?

[17] Is that real?

[18] I don't know.

[19] I think it was a but even even if you're dealing with that even if some people got 40 acres in a mule like what is that enough no like the whole thing is crazy like if you have an entire country that the ancestors that did most of the work did it against their will and then you're just like yeah yeah yeah well you don't have to do that anymore and then people are like we want reparations and white people are like that was a hundred years ago.

[20] Do you know at Georgetown, do you read about this Georgetown University is giving reparations to the slaves that built the university?

[21] So the families of the slaves, the ancestors, the families?

[22] They tracked them down with like 23 and me or one of those companies.

[23] And they're fucking knocking on doors and they're like, hey, are you blah, blah, blah.

[24] Well, your great, great grandfather built Georgetown University and they're assessing the students.

[25] I don't think it's official yet, but it looks like it's happening.

[26] My concern.

[27] They're assessing the students like 50 bucks each or something.

[28] My big concern is that it's going to go the other way.

[29] They're going to track down people's DNA and going to go, we found out that your family profited from slavery.

[30] Like, oh, I'm 22.

[31] Yeah, right.

[32] What the fuck did I do?

[33] Yeah.

[34] Give me all your money.

[35] All of your money.

[36] All your ill -gotten gains.

[37] Yeah.

[38] And you'd be like, but no, no, no, no. My dad had a legitimate job.

[39] He worked for H &R block and this and the.

[40] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[41] Yeah, but his grandfather got his money to raise his dad because he had slaves.

[42] Yeah.

[43] Well, wasn't Schwarzenegger's grandfather and SS soldier?

[44] We don't talk about that.

[45] He was, he?

[46] His grandfather was?

[47] I think he was a green shirt.

[48] Whoa.

[49] You know, like there's a kid named John Gotti, the third.

[50] It's John Gotti, the gangster's grandson.

[51] Yeah.

[52] He's an MMA fighter.

[53] Oh, no shit.

[54] And he's good.

[55] No shit.

[56] He's good, yeah.

[57] Wow.

[58] So far he's fighting on these small promotions, but he's fucking people up.

[59] Wow.

[60] And he's jacked.

[61] Wow.

[62] Yeah.

[63] Yeah, I remember John, because I lived on Mulberry Street in literally.

[64] Yeah, I remember that place.

[65] And it was a fucking tenement apartment.

[66] And downstairs, literally downstairs and one door over was the Ravenite Social Club, which was where Gotti met on Wednesday nights.

[67] all the bosses would pull up and the capos and I don't know the terms but they lined up fucking limos right up Mulberg Street oh yeah they'd walk up and down the street smoking cigars and John Gotti Jr. was kind of in charge at that time which I guess would be this guy's father yes and he parent wasn't known as being that sharp oh how dare you well the family kind of fell apart since then I don't think there's uh I think the FBI just had unlimited resources is government backing, and they slowly picked the fucking organization apart, and then it's got people to rat on each other.

[68] They bugged the Ravenite Social Club.

[69] They got inside and they bugged, and then when they found out it was bugged, the wise guys would walk up and down Mulberry Street and talk about their business.

[70] So they bugged the cars on the route.

[71] They bugged the hubcaps of the cars on the route.

[72] You heard about that?

[73] Yeah.

[74] Yeah.

[75] Well, that was always the thing about that guy, the chin.

[76] What's his name?

[77] The Chin gigianti.

[78] How the fuck did he say his name?

[79] Vincent the Chin.

[80] He was crazy, but he wasn't crazy, but he would act crazy, so he'd walk around in the bathroom.

[81] Oh, in the bathroom, right, because he was up on trial, he was out on bail.

[82] He was out of his fucking mind.

[83] Yeah, that's right.

[84] Wandered through the streets with a bathrobe on, playing crazy.

[85] That's him.

[86] I'm crazy.

[87] I'm just walking around.

[88] I'm crazy.

[89] That would be fun.

[90] They bugged him, too.

[91] That'd be fun to pretend you're crazy.

[92] I think he was actually the guy that they got with the hubcaps.

[93] Oh, yeah?

[94] Or maybe they used that tactic more than once.

[95] Because these guys, you know, they had a fucking neighborhood where they would go.

[96] to and when they were in that neighborhood that was their territory right like when you were living there was that going on like god he was out of jail he was in jail he was in jail yeah but they still they still should up most of the guys i think i think their real headquarters is more in brooklyn but they still came back to mulberry street and it is literally across the street was uh st patrick's school which is where robert de nero and scorsese went to school as kids and where you remember the film Mean Streets?

[97] Yeah.

[98] That was shot.

[99] Remember, they jump over the wall into the cemetery.

[100] That's St. Patrick's School.

[101] And it's across from the Ravenite Social Club.

[102] Fuck, I don't remember anything about that movie.

[103] I remember the movie, but I don't remember anything about what happened in it.

[104] I need to see that one again.

[105] Yeah, I need to see that one again.

[106] You know what I saw again recently?

[107] Bullet.

[108] Oh, so did I. Did you see it on the plane?

[109] I think I did see it on a plane now.

[110] Yeah.

[111] On United or something.

[112] What a, that fucking, that's my car.

[113] I saw that movie when I was young And I said I want that fucking 69 Fastback Mustang That's a badass car It's a beautiful car Yeah I think it's 68 Is it 68 67 or 68 Yeah It's a 68 This is very specific shape That the 68 had They had like the best rear end It's a beautiful They had really a cool Set up with the rear Tail lights at 68 It was a little broader It's just it was weird looking Yeah It was real unusual And compared to some of the other Mustangs but I love it.

[114] It's my favorite, I think.

[115] And you watch those movies like that, and you realize you think it's going to be, there's one big car chase.

[116] That's it.

[117] Yeah, and it's long as fuck.

[118] Yeah.

[119] But, you know.

[120] Movies were different.

[121] They were different.

[122] They weren't afraid to do a tracking shot for two minutes with no dialogue.

[123] Just fucking follow a guy walking down the street.

[124] Yeah, we just assume people are stupid as fuck.

[125] And because of comments and because stupid people want to comment so often, the signals all skewed towards stupid You know like a movie like You ever see Le Mans with Steve McQueen And another great Stephen Queen movie There's no talking at all for like the first X amount of minutes of the movie There's no talking It's just cars racing And him driving around and shit There's no talking Yeah And if you were in a movie theater today And there was no talking People are like, is this broken?

[126] I know Did you forget the fucking part Where the guy talks?

[127] Dude fucking talk There it is Say something The original 68 Mustang And that's also a 68 charger that he's in a race with the original 68 Mustang I think just went for sale I think somebody just bought it look at that you mean the one from this movie yeah yeah yeah they had hero cars you know because they wrecked a few of these fuckers fuck yeah if they're doing like how many cars did they wrecked gone with six gone in 60 seconds that Nicholas Cage movie we drove that Eleanor Mustang yeah well dude you know they must have a bunch of those how many fucking orange challenges do you think they needed to get for Duke's Hazard oh my god I mean they wrecked one in every episode.

[128] That to me is one of the more interesting episodes in our culture that that show, which was a beloved part of our past, is now taboo.

[129] You'll never find it anywhere because of the Confederate flag on the roof.

[130] And when we were kids, that's a deal breaker.

[131] It's fucking KKK.

[132] It's racism.

[133] It's white sheets.

[134] When we were kids, it meant the South.

[135] Yeah.

[136] It didn't mean the same thing.

[137] There's a fucking poster that I have over the pisser from a Leonard Skinner concert, from like, sometime during the 70s.

[138] They have a giant Confederate flag behind them on stage.

[139] But it didn't mean they were racist.

[140] It meant they were from the South.

[141] But somewhere along the line, it shifted.

[142] This is where the argument gets weird, right?

[143] Because people will say, hey, it's not about that.

[144] It's about Southern Pride.

[145] I understand it used to be about Southern Pride.

[146] But now, unfortunately, that flag is now connected to racism.

[147] So you're sending out a bad signal.

[148] So what you want that flag to mean for you, that's great.

[149] But what that flag means for other people has now changed.

[150] And you either accept that or you're fighting against it.

[151] Oh, you can't get me to fuck a shit.

[152] This means this to the, but people don't, they're not thinking, people don't have time to rationally consider whether or not you're racist or whether or not you're from the south.

[153] What are you?

[154] Why do you have that flag?

[155] They don't have time to consider that.

[156] They just go, oh, you must be in the KKK.

[157] Oh, you must hate black people.

[158] Oh, bang, there it is, racist.

[159] You flag.

[160] So something shifted, like really radically.

[161] And the Dukes a hazard is like a great metric of it.

[162] It's one of the great things in our culture we could use to measure.

[163] And you go, look what happened.

[164] You had a hit show that literally sparked a type of clothing, the Daisy Dukes for gay men and for girls that are really sad.

[165] Like we see a girl with Daisy Dukes like, sweetie, you don't need that.

[166] You're hot without it.

[167] Oh, you kidding me. You're trying so hard with those Daisy Dukes.

[168] I just went to a food truck before I got here, and there was an Asian girl, and like my favorite kind of Asian girl, she was, I believe, Filipino, big lips, tan, dark tan with Daisy Dukes, open -toed sandals, beautiful feet, nice pedicure.

[169] Are you freaking out?

[170] It was just me and her, so I couldn't stare, and it was so painful.

[171] You ever like you're fighting your neck?

[172] Like, don't fucking turn.

[173] Keep your head straight.

[174] Here's what's interesting.

[175] And this is the dynamic that's the difference she men and women.

[176] If we were describing the exact same thing, but you were a girl and you were describing a guy, it would be innocent.

[177] Yeah.

[178] It would be nothing.

[179] It wouldn't be creepy.

[180] It'd be like, that girl's so horny.

[181] Oh, my God.

[182] Like, if she was like, I was in line and behind me was Jason Mamoa.

[183] You know, Aquaman, oh, my God.

[184] And if you think he looks good in movies, he looks so good in real life, sweetie.

[185] I couldn't stop.

[186] I was looking right at his dick.

[187] I looked at his dick, and I looked his face, and I looked at his dick, and he started smiling, and I started nodding.

[188] And no one would care.

[189] No, and you say, that girl's liberated.

[190] She's free.

[191] She's crazy.

[192] That girl's wild.

[193] She could maybe grab it on the way out.

[194] Tap, tap, tap, tap.

[195] Give it a little tap, tap, tap.

[196] No one's going to call the cops, right?

[197] But if that's the difference, and that's, I think this is something that, as men, this is a shaky one, because there are definitely some fake male feminists.

[198] out there that are just doing it because they want women to love them and they say a bunch of shit that really screws the curve up but if you're being honest and you're being rational you have to realize that the way a woman perceives being hit on is going to be way different than the way a guy does because the girl's in danger she's in potential danger like legitimately yeah like if you were some fucking serial killer psychopath and you decided to follow her back to her house that's on the menu that's on the menu how rare is it that you meet a girl some and she wants to come back to your house and kill you.

[199] It's pretty fucking real.

[200] You got the Eileen Wernos, that monster for the Charlie's Theron movie.

[201] Oh, yeah.

[202] The prostitute.

[203] Yeah, she would pick guys up and they would think they were going to go get laid and she'd kill him.

[204] Right, and they were also, it wasn't, you know, people can demonize the John because he's picking up a hard -core hooker.

[205] Because he wants sex.

[206] They see it's not victimless.

[207] Yeah, but, you know, he just wants sex.

[208] He doesn't want to get murdered.

[209] You know, but she was tortured and, you know, abused, so horrible.

[210] in her life that men became the enemy.

[211] Yeah.

[212] There's a big lesson in that man. I've known guys and watched them as they got older and like failed relationship after failed relationship where they started developing this like resentment towards women.

[213] You know, this is like a deep seated like fuck them.

[214] All they want is this and all they want to, because what they're getting from the women all the time is negative.

[215] They're getting rejection.

[216] Because they're trying to get laid.

[217] They want the women to touch them.

[218] And the women are like, not really into touch you.

[219] And you're like, fuck these whores.

[220] And they eventually develop this thing.

[221] where they just hate...

[222] Isn't there a name for those guys?

[223] Misogynists?

[224] No, there's like an online name.

[225] Yeah, yeah, right.

[226] Insoles are guys who...

[227] I think mostly they're talking about, like, like, a lot of those guys are, like, genetically unfortunate.

[228] You know, fucked up bone structure and small...

[229] But that's why there's an argument for legalized prostitution, because there are men that just because of deformities or whatever reason, or maybe they're even neurotic.

[230] where they can't hit on a woman.

[231] And so there should be a place where a woman can knowingly and confidently and safely be a prostitute.

[232] Yes.

[233] Yes, it should be your option.

[234] The problem is we equate prostitution with two things that are horrible.

[235] Sexual abuse and sex slavery, sex trafficking.

[236] We equate prostitution with those things.

[237] That's why when Robert Kraft got busted, one of the first things they said is this guy's a billionaire and he was participating in sex trafficking.

[238] That's what they accused him of.

[239] But then they had to drop that.

[240] I don't know if you know that.

[241] So there was no sex trafficking there.

[242] There was prostitutes.

[243] There was women who wanted to have sex for money.

[244] So they weren't.

[245] They didn't come over in a seal tanker and slept in the...

[246] No. No, they were prostitutes.

[247] Yeah.

[248] You know?

[249] And it's their choice.

[250] And you don't hear much about that.

[251] The sex trafficking was like a big thing, I think, to get him to plead guilty.

[252] and they put it out there and they said they were shaming him and making it this big deal this guy had paid to get his dick touched and here he is what is he like 78 years old 80 years old or something like that this old guy just wanted to get his dick touched he paid it was a deal's a deal she probably did it 13 times that day before him you know I mean that's what they were doing in that place they were jerking guys off but people kept coming back why did they keep coming back because they hated it why did they keep coming back because it was a rip off why did they keep coming back No, because as adults, they wanted to get their dick touched, and this woman was willing to do that.

[253] And she, yeah, isn't that a bad job?

[254] It's a fucking terrible job.

[255] So is Wendy's.

[256] So is being a dishwasher.

[257] Those are terrible jobs, too.

[258] Do you want to be the guy who puts the coal, the fucking tar on the streets, and the hot day?

[259] Do you want to be that guy?

[260] Yeah.

[261] The fuck out of here.

[262] That job sucks.

[263] Do you want to be a guy who works in a gas station where you're constantly stiff and fumes?

[264] Fuck that.

[265] That job sucks.

[266] A lot of jobs suck.

[267] But it's your choice It's your choice as a human being To take that job or not take that job I feel the same way about prostitution I feel about massage It's like if you can pay someone To touch your feet And rub your feet You can pay a dude To just be rubbing your feet Why can't you pay someone to touch you Why can't you pay someone to touch your genitals And like you said Get rid of the stigma by legalizing it And protect those girls Right I've been to the Bunny Ranch I got a tour I went you know my wife gave me permission Call it, this is he called it a tour?

[268] Took a tour.

[269] I had a map.

[270] I had a fucking Hawaiian shirt on.

[271] No, I had the T -shirt with the tour dates on it.

[272] He died recently.

[273] Dennis Hoff.

[274] Dennis Hoff died.

[275] Yeah, so he invited me. He came to a show I was doing in Lake Tahoe.

[276] I know, Reno.

[277] And he goes, hey, do you want to come take a tour?

[278] And, like, because of the Stern connection, I kind of knew him.

[279] He's like, do you want to come take a tour of the ranch?

[280] And I go, let me call my wife.

[281] And I call her, and I go, can I just, I go, I just want to see it.

[282] I'm just going to smell it And she goes Well if you bring Kathleen Roll Who is the feature act with you Then you can go So they send a limo And we go off And we walk in And there was like One room had like a fucking Trapeze in it And the other one had a hot tub They all had different like themes to them And it was like It wasn't as skanky as I thought But it was pretty down and dirty It was like trailers But they were clean And while I was there A doctor showed up And they gave them all Fucking they checked their snatches For whatever They had a little kitchen at They'd somebody cooking little snacks for them They offered me some I said I'm gonna pass And then at the end He pulls me aside and he goes By the way Greg Take any of the girls It's on the house And I go Well Dennis I've never been with a prostitute Before And it wasn't because of the hundred bucks I wasn't I wasn't waiting for a freebie But the girls were They were happy They keep 50 % of the money, they can't use drugs on the premises, they can refuse a customer, and they come and go when they want.

[283] I think people should be able to do whatever they want that doesn't hurt people.

[284] And I think that falls into that category.

[285] And I think it does provide a service for really frustrated men that can't get sex any other way.

[286] And I think it's stigmatized.

[287] I think it's stigmatized in a very weird way.

[288] It's not a good job.

[289] I don't want to do it.

[290] I don't want my children to do it.

[291] I don't want your children to do it.

[292] I don't want my kids to work as a dishwasher either.

[293] I don't want my kids to be a coal miner.

[294] Those things are real jobs, you know?

[295] I just don't, I think that if we had different attitudes about sex, we wouldn't look at it as harshly.

[296] We look at it as horribly as we look at it.

[297] We look at it different because we think that intimacy is connected to romance and romance is connected to this emotional connection you have with this person that you're sharing pleasure with.

[298] I'm like, that's, that is wonderful.

[299] But physical release is also very important.

[300] for men it's like it's very important to and it's very important for everyone to be touched and some people people don't want to touch them they're just not doing so good yeah it's just they're not in a good spot they don't they're not physically attractive whatever it is whatever the whatever for some people and they have a desire and a need to be touched and it fucking wrecks them to the soul when they're not touched all the time they constantly walk around filled with resentment filled with bitterness we just quietly enraged inside at the hand that life has given them and for those people, if you had legalized prostitution, if it was like someone who, like, you could conceivably have friendships with these people that you're having sex with if you wanted to do that.

[301] Like, I knew a girl who, when she was younger, she was a sex worker and she's a, I don't want to even reveal her, it'd be too obvious if I'd reveal what she does, but she did it for a while when she was like young.

[302] And she fucked some older guys that were like, you know, in their 60s and shit.

[303] They didn't know, you know, They had money, but they didn't have the time to date, and maybe they had a wife and they wanted to have sex with somebody on the side, and she would take money from them.

[304] And she liked it.

[305] She's like, it's a great way to make money.

[306] It was a lot more money.

[307] It's not that big a deal.

[308] She was, I knew who I was doing it with.

[309] And I was like, wow, she's smart.

[310] You know, I mean, I don't think everybody has that attitude.

[311] And I would never want anybody to do that that doesn't have that attitude.

[312] But if you're one of those girls that's like hustling, maybe you don't have a family that backs you up.

[313] No, there's girls that like, you know, there is legitimately, like there's a, I got a friend who's really.

[314] really wealthy.

[315] And his friends have, some of them, have like a girl in New York and they pay for her apartment and she's going to college.

[316] And he goes to New York seven, eight times a year.

[317] And when he does, she frees her calendar and goes out to dinner with him, goes to wherever.

[318] He sleeps there.

[319] They have sex.

[320] And it's a comfortable working relationship.

[321] So, I don't know, where's the problem with that?

[322] Who's the victim?

[323] Right.

[324] Yeah.

[325] He's a sugar daddy.

[326] Yeah.

[327] Yeah.

[328] No. I don't, I think we have crazy attitudes for finite beings.

[329] We have this crazy attitude, like we're leaving this permanent, like, ledger of all the moral and immoral things we've done, especially when it comes to sex.

[330] It's like, it's just sex, you fucks.

[331] Yeah.

[332] It's great.

[333] Everybody wants it.

[334] But everybody doesn't get it.

[335] And sometimes people get rejected.

[336] And so it carries all this weight.

[337] And so it's just like, and then you're not supposed to do it because God doesn't want you to, or you could get pregnant.

[338] And Jesus Christ, are you pro -life?

[339] Are you pro -abortion?

[340] Are you pro -women's life to choose?

[341] You didn't even, you should even have a say.

[342] You have a fucking penis.

[343] And like, whoa, this is so charged.

[344] It's so charged.

[345] And meanwhile, biologically, your brain is going, no, no, no, we got to fuck, okay?

[346] I got loads building up, and I got to get rid of these things.

[347] You know, like, I used to have a bit called jerk off first, then think about it.

[348] It was my advice for everything, because there's so many moments in life when you jerk off first.

[349] And then you go, what was I going to do?

[350] I am not calling her.

[351] I'm definitely not respond to that crazy fucking letter she sent me in the mail You know, when you get a letter from somebody Like, oh no It's like sobering up Yeah, jerk off first Jerk off first and know your real intentions If you jerk off first and you still want to call someone You really care about them, you love them That's right It's not just lust Yeah, that's empty bag thinking Yeah I was never good at that Like I reset the clock One Nowadays I pop Give me 24 hours Leave me alone I need 24 hours Yeah well It's what happens I think I need some of those pills You need testosterone Yeah You need some TRT Is that legal?

[352] Oh 100 % Yeah I think I need some of that You definitely need some of that Dude I've been on that shit for 10 years No shit Yeah Yeah They make it a bunch of different ways now too They were making a spray for a while Like it was like under the tongue You could put drops in And then I don't know if they're doing that anymore But they have a cream The cream is good But if you hug people It gets on them It's weird Wait where do you rub it on you You rub it over your chest or your arms So if you have sex with your wife Your wife start my grown a mustache With you fucking Very strange That would be like a really creepy way If you were like really in a dudes But you were married to a woman Yeah Hmm how do I How do I bridge this cap Yeah You're just right Like I'm on TRT And you would rub it all over your chest and immediately get on her, and she'd be like, what the fuck are you doing?

[353] Give her protein shakes, make her go to the gym a lot.

[354] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[355] Hey, honey, you look good with short hair.

[356] Put her under stress, too, make her work more.

[357] There's something that happens with women.

[358] Apparently, there was a study on career women, and they don't know if it's a correlation or causation thing, because maybe the reason why they were career women.

[359] And the first place, because they had a lot of testosterone.

[360] But they would notice that women have to fend for themselves.

[361] Women have to take care of themselves.

[362] They generally have more testosterone.

[363] Which makes sense But you never know Like what came first to chicken and the egg Is that like who they are Or are they developing more testosterone Because they have to be out there competing Yeah You know Yeah I remember I was I used Rogaine for a while I was actually I got approached by my agent And he goes You got an offer to do a commercial A series of commercials I said for what And he goes Rogain I go But I don't My hair is not thinning And he's like like yeah so uh it's five commercials i was in denial about it i was like 29 and i guess i was starting a crown a little bit but i didn't notice and so he goes do you want to do it and i was like i don't know um i'm about to move out to l .a i want to maybe do some acting i don't want to be seen maybe on tv as the rogene guy and he's like i talked to them and they said it's only it's going to be on like ESPN 4 at 2 in the morning don't worry about it and i go and i go all right Fuck it.

[364] I'm moving L .A. I got no money.

[365] I'll do it.

[366] I'll get health insurance out of it.

[367] I'm about to get married.

[368] So I record the commercials.

[369] And the tagline is, it's me in a pharmacy, and I'm looking at a bottle.

[370] And it's monoxidil five.

[371] They just jacked it up from three to five.

[372] And I go, four out of five, the voiceover goes, four out of five doctors say this will work.

[373] And then I go, I look at the camera and I go, four out of five, I like my chances.

[374] Oh, Jesus.

[375] There you are.

[376] There you are.

[377] So I do it.

[378] I do it.

[379] And then there is.

[380] There's that guy.

[381] I like the nod.

[382] You're like, yeah, this is legit.

[383] So all of a sudden it starts running.

[384] It runs during the fucking playoffs.

[385] March madness.

[386] Every guy I've ever met was calling me and going, I like my.

[387] I'm walking down the street.

[388] I like my chances.

[389] It was everywhere Yeah And so they gave me a fucking supply for years And I was using it And I would My wife wouldn't let me cuddle with her Because she don't You put on your head at the end of the Before you go to bed You cuddle up next to her And get your fucking hair on her neck And it made you all greasy My pillows were all greasy And all it really grew was like a fuzz Yeah Did you ever try that shit?

[390] Yeah I tried that shit I tried everything Yeah Yeah I wish I'd shave my head way earlier.

[391] It's so easy.

[392] I think I'm going to do it tomorrow for the first time of my life.

[393] Once I shaved my hand, I was like, why am I fucking around with all this hair?

[394] If I had a full head of hair, I'd shave my fucking head.

[395] I'd shave my head like every two weeks.

[396] I just let it grow to stubble and then shave it down again.

[397] Let it grow to stubble.

[398] It's like, it's so much easier.

[399] How often do you shave it?

[400] Every couple days.

[401] You take a razor and shaving cream?

[402] Oh, you just use a buzzer.

[403] Yeah, easy.

[404] I have one that has like, uh, it's made for shaving your head.

[405] It's got like a handle on it.

[406] It's like an electric razor just so you don't miss any spots.

[407] How long does it take?

[408] A couple minutes.

[409] It's easy.

[410] Feel good?

[411] Yeah, it's great.

[412] I don't have to think about it.

[413] That's what I like.

[414] I don't think about this.

[415] I used to worry about my hair.

[416] When my hair was falling out, when something's out of your control, for people who have a full head of hair, they really don't understand this.

[417] When you start losing your hair, young Jamie, son of a bitch, when you start losing your hair, you just go, oh my God, like there's nothing you can do about this.

[418] This is terrible.

[419] Like there's nothing you can do And then you look at like These fucking guys Like some guys that are like Gross looking bald dudes And you look oh my God They used to be a kid Yeah They used to be just like me And then one day it all fucking fell out And they were this gross dude With the horseshoe Around the bottom of the head Like what the fuck That's what I'm gonna be And Once you shave your head Like for me I got lucky I have a good shape Yeah A good shape to my head Which is something that I watched I went down a rabbit hole the other day and I went down a plastic surgery facial reconnect reconfiguration rabbit hole because of incels connected to this conversation we're having earlier about guys can't get late these guys were going to this one doctor there's a particular doctor I think he's in Indianapolis and he does facial reconfiguration like he widens your jaw he puts implants on your cheeks and jaw he puts implants on your fucking head so like maybe you have a weird shaped head maybe your head is shaped like a turtle or something you have a weird crest in the top of your head this guy puts implants under your skin to give you a nice round head and they had like before and after and this guy was like oh he's hated my head and now my head's amazing and I'm looking at this and I'm going oh my god like I didn't even think of that well how does it look it looked way better yeah But it's, what it is, is like, genetics are responding to symmetry.

[420] When you see, when you see poor genetics, you see something weird, like weird symmetry.

[421] Why is his, why is his face so narrow?

[422] Why does his chin go down so low?

[423] What's weird about him?

[424] Why is his shoulder so narrow?

[425] Why are his arm so long?

[426] When you see asymmetrical or weird -looking people that don't seem to, like, it doesn't fit into your idea of what the accepted breeding genetics of human beings are.

[427] Right, the Da Vinci Code.

[428] Is that what it is?

[429] Is that what the Vich Code is?

[430] Yeah, it's based on a, there's a certain shape of the face that defines beauty.

[431] Fibonacci Code, is that what you're thinking of?

[432] No, I think it's the Da Vinci Code.

[433] I thought that was the religious thing for that movie.

[434] Yeah, but within it, don't they talk about the symmetry of the face?

[435] I think that's the Golden Racial.

[436] Yeah, that's the Fibonacci.

[437] Oh, okay.

[438] That's the Fibonacci code.

[439] But, yeah, this is the guy.

[440] This is this guy.

[441] Wow.

[442] So they, oh, this is an article from Cut.

[443] The Cut.

[444] Yeah, the cut .com.

[445] Yeah, this is exactly where I started.

[446] So I started on this, and I think it was on dig or something like that.

[447] And then I went from that to all of the different people that have these things done.

[448] And that's something if you think about it, man, if you just get a bum deal, you just get a bad roll of the dice, you will live your life with people that don't want to have sex with you.

[449] And this goes back to like the prostitution.

[450] thing.

[451] What do people want from those people?

[452] Do they want the world to be a different place than it really is?

[453] Because are we operating as if this world is exactly how it is right now?

[454] Or are we pretending that the world is how we'd like it to be one day in a utopian society?

[455] Because if we're doing that, I get how you're behaving.

[456] But if you're looking at the world around you the way it is and you don't think these guys should be able to get prostitutes, you're an asshole.

[457] I think that kind of boils down what libertarianism is.

[458] It's whether or not we are.

[459] in a evolving utopian mindset or whether or not we're going to just say let people be who they are and just accept how things are.

[460] There's a little bit of that.

[461] I think I'm on both sides of that fence sometimes.

[462] You know, there's definitely people that you just want to leave them alone.

[463] Like, they're not going to figure it out.

[464] Fuck them.

[465] But then there's also people like, we've all met people that have been in a bad place in their life and turned it around.

[466] I don't like giving up on people.

[467] I just don't.

[468] It's not human.

[469] It's not a human thing.

[470] Just give up on people.

[471] So, I'm on both sides of that.

[472] Like, part of me wants to go, like, figure it out.

[473] And then part of me wants to go, like, we got to help people figure it out.

[474] Yeah.

[475] And we have to try to engineer our society like this is a problem.

[476] It's like what we were talking about before about reparations for slavery or these, uh, these communities that have always been black and poor since the slave times like to just leave that alone and let that sort itself out that is never going to sort itself out that's like a place in your garage that's fucked up and filled with trash that you think is going to figure itself out on its own.

[477] Like you've got to do something.

[478] The garbage that you're leaving behind that's not going to make its way to the trash.

[479] You're going to have to sort it out.

[480] You're going to have to figure out how to do it.

[481] You have to get it out there.

[482] If you have an impoverished crime -riddled community filled with drugs and gangs, it's not going to get better.

[483] You have to do something.

[484] Someone has to do something.

[485] You can't just pretend.

[486] You can't just go further and further away from it.

[487] If we're going to act as a country, and that's what we're supposed to be.

[488] We're supposed to be a big ass team.

[489] We're supposed to be looking at the spots on the team that are fucked up.

[490] Yeah, you talk about that.

[491] Houston is kind of famous for this.

[492] Literally, the garbage dumps were all put in the black neighborhoods.

[493] They just started dumping all the garbage in the poor areas with the bad schools totally segregated and it's the same areas that they were slave shacks way back when and now it's the same fucking generations later living in garbage all right so what if you do a DNA test what if you do a DNA test you find out your great grandfather was the guy put the fucking garbage dump in the black neighborhood and that's why you have a Cadillac dude my wallet's on the table at that point take it all I'm so sorry but you didn't do anything you're 23 I recycle now.

[494] Thank you.

[495] Put stuff in the green bins, the blue bins.

[496] You're going to save those fish.

[497] Compost bins.

[498] Those whales out there just eating plastic?

[499] Yeah.

[500] We got to just, we got a genetic engineer the whales to actually be able to digest plastic.

[501] Yeah, figure it out.

[502] You're good.

[503] It's free food.

[504] Yeah.

[505] Come on.

[506] Yeah, man, we had a guy boy on slot on the podcast.

[507] He's this really young genius who is in the middle of devising and implementing a way to gather up the plastic.

[508] He's got like this big machine that operates.

[509] Oh, I saw it.

[510] It's got a big arm on it?

[511] Yeah.

[512] It's like, yeah, and it's like a net.

[513] It's like capturing.

[514] I'm really breaking it down much like I'm paraphrasing in a shitty way, but his machine is just going to scoop plastic up and they think they could actually reuse that plastic and make things out of it.

[515] Yeah, I saw that.

[516] I think they ran into some technical problems with it when they just used it.

[517] Yeah, I think when they tried it out right away, it didn't work that good.

[518] Yeah.

[519] But he kind of figured that.

[520] He was like, well, there's going to be a bunch of improvements.

[521] It's like everything else.

[522] Right.

[523] Every, I mean, go buy our early Tesla.

[524] They were terrible.

[525] Dude, it may be over.

[526] Tesla may not last.

[527] Really?

[528] Yeah, they're saying that Well, the problem is, is they call it the entrepreneurial shiny object syndrome.

[529] That's what Elon Musk has.

[530] It's like he can't stop.

[531] He has to keep, you know, there was SpaceX, which is fucking phenomenal.

[532] Right.

[533] What that program is done.

[534] They are delivering stuff to space for a tenth of the price of NASA.

[535] They have cut costs ridiculously.

[536] NASA was so fucking bloated, which was great, but now it's like he wants to put a fucking tunnel under L .A., and he wants these charging stations all around the country that are going to be solar powered, that are going to be expensive.

[537] He's just overextended himself, and now Wall Street used to love him, and now they're not buying it anymore, and it could be.

[538] the end of the company how would it be the end of the company how's that work well they're the they need to be producing like a million cars a year to be cost effective for their um assembly lines for what a cost for their assembly lines and they're putting out a few hundred thousand a year oh wow and they need to they need to up production to that point and they don't think they can do it i shouldn't say that i'm gonna fucking tank the stock yeah it's um like how many different places can you charge at now i always charge it here or i charge at home but how many places is it real easy to charge can you find a lot of spots i have no idea but i know he's trying to make it really universal it's great if you're driving it just to work like i do i drive it to the store or drive it here it's great yeah they're the it's the best car i've ever driven but but it's not it's not ready for like long -ass trips takes too much time my friends just bought i think it's a Mitsubishi and it's um it's a hybrid but how it works is it goes all electric until you run out of the electric charge and then it had then the motor kicks in as opposed to the like my my Prius which is just alternating back and forth all the time right the Prius gets ridiculous gas minus though right it's amazing what do you get probably 50 wow that's hilarious looks like dog shit though I hate it why do you why do you deal with it why do you do that to yourself you and I have had this conversation a million times where I'm like Greg get a muscle car I want a Mustang that's all I want one one one the new ones are amazing.

[539] As a matter of fact, they have a new bullet Mustang.

[540] No, they don't.

[541] Yes, they do.

[542] Yes, they do.

[543] They have a bullet model.

[544] Brand new, 2019 green, Emerald Green, dope -ass fucking Mustang with, I think it's more than 460 horsepower.

[545] It's a very fast.

[546] It's an uptuned version of the one that's in the GT, so it's their coyote generation three Mustang engine.

[547] Look at that.

[548] That's it.

[549] Bay, B. Oh my God.

[550] Yeah, see it even says bullet on the back.

[551] See the back badge?

[552] That's a bullet Mustang.

[553] You're killing me. And you get in a stick shift.

[554] Like a fucking man, Fitzhimmons.

[555] Yeah, you definitely got to get the fucking stick shift.

[556] You drive around.

[557] Your balls are going to grow back.

[558] I need them back.

[559] I need the...

[560] It's a beautiful car.

[561] I need this TRT is that the testosterone need that, and I need this.

[562] You need both these things in your life.

[563] The Prius is like...

[564] Shut your mouth with that Prius.

[565] I know.

[566] Stop talking about.

[567] Look at that.

[568] Mustang, bullet.

[569] 2019 it's like you know the 50th anniversary of the movie or whatever the hell it is yeah when was that movie 40th 68 so yeah more than 50th look at that man oh wow god damn that's a car yeah that's a motherfucker of a car they they make great american cars right now yeah right now is a great time and you know the two of them the old one and the new oh wow and you know the great thing is is the gas mileage on these cars isn't that bad anymore yeah yeah they they have intelligent computers running all the fuel injection and everything and the tune of the engine's all done with computers now do you get one bro come on stop fucking around what are we going to get younger you know it is it's the whole college thing shut the fuck up you're a talented comedian you make plenty of loot you're going to spend money on this stupid fucking Prius that thing is not free you have to pay for that thing get a goddamn Mustang how much one of those bullet Mustangs trying to sell it Jamie why you think it's funny you know I'm right You know I'm right I know you're right too I need it How much is that At the end of my life No no no no no now Now if it's my kids Now I'm saying At the end of my life When I look back I'm gonna go Oh my kid went to college Fuck him He can take a loan Do you have the room for it In your driveway If you had a third car We park on the street We live in Venice Forty six thousand That's not much buddy That's not bad That's a good deal Get that fucking thing You park in the street Maybe I'll start Like a Kickstarter fund Or something for my car You think people would do that Um, no. They would say, just do some gigs and put some money away, you son of a bitch.

[570] I know you fucking sell out places.

[571] Shut the fuck up.

[572] Some dudes are just so frugal.

[573] I always find that so funny because I'm such a slob.

[574] But that's how we were when we started in Boston.

[575] You were driving a fucking, was it a Selika GT or something that you were?

[576] No, no, no. It was a Mitsubishi Starryon.

[577] It was like a little sporty looking car.

[578] And you were leasing it.

[579] And I was like, who the fuck leases a new car when they've been doing comedy for two years?

[580] And I had a fucking, I had an 84 Volkswagen rabbit hit.

[581] And I just remember you had a fucking nice, you had a jacked -up stereo system in it.

[582] And I remember you got, it got fucking repossessed.

[583] Oh, that was a different car.

[584] That was the Dodge Daytona Shelby.

[585] I'd got rid of the one, and then I got the second one.

[586] And you didn't give a fuck.

[587] You went to the impound lot and you jumped the fence to get the radio out.

[588] I had a stereo I put in it I installed the stereo I jumped the fence and pulled the fucking stereo out of the Daytona because I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay for that fucking car anymore because it was actually that was the first year of comedy that was my first year I actually got that while I was still teaching and I was still I taught I was teaching at Boston University I was teaching Tyco window there I was teaching at this school that I was running in Revere, and I was delivering newspapers, so I was making a little bit of money and I was really stupid.

[589] And when I found out that I could get a car, like a brand new Dodge Daytona Shelby in 1988, or 1989, and I could lease it.

[590] They would lease it to me. I was like, perfect, let's do it.

[591] But then somewhere along the line, I had decided I was really going to dedicate myself to stand up.

[592] I was like, I am half -assing this.

[593] And someone had told me that.

[594] One of the guys that I was doing open mic nights, he said, You know, you were really funny like six months ago, but he goes, but it seems like you've fallen off a little.

[595] And he said it to me, and I didn't even respond.

[596] I remember like, fuck, he's right.

[597] Yeah.

[598] He's right.

[599] He's right.

[600] I'm half -assing it.

[601] And then that night, I was like, fuck this.

[602] I'm quitting everything.

[603] So I decided I was going to quit teaching.

[604] I quit teaching at BU.

[605] I quit teaching at my school.

[606] I shut my school down.

[607] It's like, I'm done.

[608] I got to be a comic, 100%.

[609] And then I had no money.

[610] So you just said.

[611] I'll live off whatever I make to stand -up at that point.

[612] I was trying to get odd jobs during the day.

[613] Yeah.

[614] But I couldn't have anything that I was dedicated to.

[615] Right.

[616] And when I was teaching, I was very dedicated to teaching.

[617] It meant a lot to me. Like, martial arts meant a lot to me. So technique means a lot to me. So when I was teaching people, it was very specific.

[618] Like, it meant a lot.

[619] Yeah.

[620] And I would teach people on to bring them to tournaments.

[621] And, you know, I'd raised kids from, like, white belt all the way up to, like, blue belt, and it brought them to tournaments.

[622] It was exciting.

[623] It was really fun.

[624] It meant a lot to me, though.

[625] It meant enough to me that I was not going to half -ass it.

[626] I was like, I'm not going to half -teach these people.

[627] Because when I was teaching, I was very serious about it, it meant a lot.

[628] So I was like, I'm not, I got a, I'm a, I'm like, once I have a thing, I'm like, that's the thing.

[629] All these other things just get in the way of the thing.

[630] I have to just eliminate those.

[631] And so that's what I did.

[632] And then they took my fucking car.

[633] But I got the stereo back.

[634] Yeah, we were always like that.

[635] I remember because, uh, I was.

[636] was living with your girlfriend and you were coming over every night fucking you'd come from like cappuccinos the restaurant around the corner with fucking takeout like nice meals i was eating fucking ramen noodles i spent every penny i had you spent everything i didn't put anything away ever come from blockbuster with fucking five movies under your arm yeah you were living with my girlfriend and another dude guy a gay guy named mike mike coconut he's a great guy he was a great dude he's the first guy ever met who had a bowflex Oh, no shit.

[637] Yeah.

[638] He was the first guy I met who was growing marijuana in his closet.

[639] Oh, shit.

[640] That's dangerous in Boston in the 80s.

[641] That's right.

[642] You could go to jail, jail.

[643] That was some skunk weed.

[644] We used to sit around smoking that skunk weed.

[645] You could go to jail jail for that.

[646] Yeah.

[647] Massachusetts is 100 % free now.

[648] 100 % legal.

[649] Go to a store and buy it.

[650] Yeah.

[651] How fucking beautiful is that.

[652] I know.

[653] Illinois House passes marijuana legalization bill.

[654] Oh, wow.

[655] Yes.

[656] Oh, that's huge.

[657] Sent's to Pritzker.

[658] what that means.

[659] That's like the governor.

[660] Fuck, yeah.

[661] Fuck, yeah.

[662] Legalize Illinois.

[663] And get a gang of it out to the south side of Chicago.

[664] Speaking of disenfranchised neighborhoods that are not going to fix themselves.

[665] I know.

[666] That's another one.

[667] There was five murders there last week.

[668] It's crazy.

[669] And the schools are so fucking bad.

[670] There was this really good documentary called America is Me. And it tracks Oak Park, which is like a kind of a mixed suburb and Chicago where there's black and white students and they just track the lives of like 10 students and five black and five white and how they can be in the same place and have such different experiences.

[671] You know, black families where the fucking kid is stressed out.

[672] He's not doing well in school.

[673] And they're like, the teacher's frustrated.

[674] But he's like, yeah, he's got a single mom and they just lost the apartment because she lost their job.

[675] And now they're living with an aunt.

[676] And, you know, there's all these circumstances going on.

[677] And then you've got the white kids who are taking SAT prep.

[678] classes and they got a mom who's not working that drives them to their different sports.

[679] It's a great documentary.

[680] It's a different world.

[681] I mean, this is the same conversation we were having before the podcast started about this guy that we know that things that homeless people are lazy.

[682] And we were like, look, there are people out there that were born on third base and they fucking swear to God they hit a triple.

[683] And they think, well, I fucking didn't have my shoes tied and I didn't do this.

[684] And I missed out on birthday parties.

[685] but nobody shot you yeah you know nobody robbed you your your uncle didn't rape you you're not in jail you didn't you didn't watch your brother get killed you know come on man like there's way worse hands that people get dealt way worse and just the overall vague sense of entitlement well i mean saying on the other side of being surrounded by people that are not achieving oh yeah and being being exposed to people that don't think that finishing high school or college is a priority right And so it's very hard to come up with that concept yourself, especially in the absence of like two functioning parents.

[686] The only thing that helps them now is the internet, because you can, you could lock on to like David Goggins or someone like that or someone who is also born into just terrible situations like that.

[687] And you can listen to his story and read his, or listen to his audiobook, which is fantastic.

[688] Read his book and understand there's people like him that used to be like me. They made it through and now they have a story.

[689] And I can do that too.

[690] It's possible.

[691] And then that becomes your guiding light.

[692] But the idea that we're all in the same fucking starting block is just stupid as fuck.

[693] It's stupid.

[694] It's stupid.

[695] It's a bad way to look at the world.

[696] And when people get upset at, you know, certain aspects of life without acknowledging that.

[697] Yeah.

[698] And then you've got people that live in abandoned factory towns, whether it's, you know, in the Appalachians or it's in, you know, Detroit where you had jobs and your grandfather had a job.

[699] and that was it and it was just it was like there was no diversity of work in that area and then the fucking plant closes and it's just despair.

[700] I have a good friend and his family is from coal miners and I mean he, the way he describes it is like you have never seen that kind of poverty before you've never seen that kind of poverty when you're in these coal towns and people are just all fucked up on pills like the whole town's fucked up on pills it's like you haven't seen poverty like that it's dark and there's despair and there's no exit strategy.

[701] No one, there's no one to model around you.

[702] No one, no one's there to give you advice.

[703] Everyone's a criminal.

[704] Everyone's trying to get by.

[705] Everyone's selling pills, robbing people, shooting people.

[706] And this is just a segment.

[707] This is just what happens with despair, right?

[708] And this is just despair in that, in that context.

[709] And then there's despair in South Central L .A., just despair in East L .A. There's despair in, you know, really fucked up Mexican neighborhoods in L .A. Well, that's why we were talking about, I think you had a guest on, that talked about how with, how everything's getting, robots are taken over.

[710] That's the book by, Andrew Yang, it was probably the presidential candidate.

[711] Yeah, you're talking about how they're going to subsidize the, the whole population.

[712] Yes, yes.

[713] They call it universal basic income.

[714] But with that, you know, it sounds like it may happen, that type of a system, but there's still going to be despair because you still need a sense of purpose.

[715] You still need to work and feel good about yourself.

[716] That's the counter to that, yeah.

[717] And I agree with both things, unfortunately.

[718] It's like, I agree that most likely automation is going to take over.

[719] Here's the thing.

[720] When people need purpose, they still need purpose.

[721] They need purpose now.

[722] But would a thousand dollars a month, if everyone knew they had $1 ,000 a month coming from the government, would it make you more invested in being an American?

[723] Would it make you more invested in keeping this thing running?

[724] Like, you're actually getting paid from it.

[725] You're looking at the American like it's generating in.

[726] income and you're getting paid from it.

[727] You're getting enough money so you can eat and have a roof over your head.

[728] Like if the three of us got $1 ,000 a month, that's $3 ,000 a month, there's a place we could get with the three of us.

[729] It was like $1 ,500 a month.

[730] And then the rest of it, we would just put into food and whatever.

[731] And that's, you could live.

[732] Right.

[733] Hookers.

[734] You would live like that.

[735] That's a livable wage for enough, if you get enough people to get $1 ,000 a month.

[736] It's not perfect.

[737] So the question is, how does it make you feel about yourself and about your country but yeah and this is the question too does that stop you from pursuing your dreams because it's not like you're getting 50 grand a year like if you were getting 50 grand a year like man it'd be hard to get me to work if i just had free 50 grand every year like how much do you do you do you really need if you have an apartment like it's not i know i know i know you'd be surprised you don't really save much and you know once you have a car and a lease and either a mortgage or an apartment payment i get it i get it but If you had 50 grand a year, it would be really hard for you to grind.

[738] It'd be really hard for you to really go after something.

[739] Just be obsessed unless that's just your style.

[740] That's just who you are.

[741] Well, it seems like a, I don't know if it's more manageable way to just socialize medicine and make higher education free.

[742] I think both those things are imperative.

[743] I really do.

[744] I think especially education.

[745] Why would it cost, why should it cost money to figure out how, to make people more intelligent and contribute better.

[746] Wouldn't you want less losers?

[747] Wouldn't you want more educated people that have a better understanding of how the world works?

[748] Of course you would.

[749] Especially since we're a service economy.

[750] We're not a manufacturing economy anymore.

[751] We need people that understand how to manage and to be entrepreneurial and, you know, communicate.

[752] But just be educated.

[753] I mean, if there's more people that are smarter, then you have more competition, than you have more productivity.

[754] I mean, it would just be better for everybody.

[755] You don't want ignorant people.

[756] You don't want it.

[757] Meanwhile, education, my son's going to college.

[758] It's fucking $65 ,000 a year.

[759] That's so much money.

[760] Times four years, times two kids.

[761] That's $600 ,000 a year.

[762] What Americans got an extra $600?

[763] So your kid is now saddled with a debt that he'll be paying off forever.

[764] He's underwater.

[765] That's not $600 ,000 a year.

[766] You're saying $65 ,000 a year and two kids.

[767] $6 ,000, $7 ,130 ,000.

[768] You mean forever.

[769] Yeah, for four years.

[770] For four years, times two kids.

[771] I was like $650 grand a year.

[772] That's like $600 total.

[773] Over the course of their college careers.

[774] Yeah.

[775] And you have to make more than a million to have that, by the way.

[776] Yeah.

[777] Because you've got to pay taxes.

[778] Yeah.

[779] And you're not just only spending money on that.

[780] You've got to spend money on living expenses and your mortgage and your house.

[781] So that, you know, you're really talking about $2 million probably.

[782] And don't think your kids coming out of college.

[783] into a job that's going to be able to support himself.

[784] You're still going to be subsidizing their phone and their car insurance and probably part of their rent for the next five, six years after that.

[785] Playing tickets when they come to visit.

[786] Yeah.

[787] And if you're thinking about that over these four years, you really, if you want 100 grand, you kind of have to make 200.

[788] And then you got insurance.

[789] If you're on the market as a family of four to get health insurance in California, you're paying $20 ,000 a year, between $15 ,000 and $20 ,000 a year.

[790] which means, again, you've got to earn 40.

[791] A lot of people are moving out of California because of state tax.

[792] A lot of people realize, you know, I can live in Nevada and not pay any state tax.

[793] Yeah.

[794] Why would I want to pay state tax?

[795] What am I doing?

[796] That's a lot of money.

[797] It is.

[798] It's like 10 %, right?

[799] Yeah, and then if you live in New York City, you have to pay a state and a city tax.

[800] Oh, you dirty bitches.

[801] Big fat fucking city tax.

[802] Oh, is that to keep the rats?

[803] That's to keep the electricity going for the guys that are taking a train in from Connecticut every day, working on Wall Street that aren't paying the fucking city tax fucking communists yeah the people who don't pay the city tax are dirty they work in the city and they don't pay the tax that's right must pay the tax those estates in Connecticut yeah those weird soulless gigantic great Gatsby like estates Dary and Connecticut they've all got fucking Ferraris with automatic transmissions buddy of my works at a high school high school in Connecticut where all these rich kids go to school.

[804] He works there.

[805] Shout out to my boy Tommy Jr. Yeah, he works there and sees these people, these giant fucking huge lawns and thinking about buying a place there.

[806] I want a big lawn.

[807] I want to be like a Kennedy.

[808] I'd like to live next to a bunch of people that are on pills out of their fucking mind, trying to make meaning out of life with $3 billion in the bank.

[809] I want people whose heads have been reshaped by a guy in Indianapolis Yeah If you have a flat head though Girls don't want to fuck a dude with a flat head I'm gonna shave my head but it's not gonna look good I get a bad head You're fine Well I'm too pasty white Dude shave it You're fine Yeah I'm doing it tomorrow Do we have the clippers from the time?

[810] I'll do it right now Really?

[811] Are they over there?

[812] Are they charged up?

[813] If it only went halfway And then cut off That's you should have that That should be your new look like criss -cross.

[814] Remember they used to have their clothes on backwards?

[815] Yeah, that's right.

[816] You shave half the side of your head.

[817] Shave one side, leave the other side.

[818] And people are like, what's going on?

[819] You're like, fuck you.

[820] I'm handicapped.

[821] Look at my head.

[822] Half the crowd.

[823] I'm doing bald jokes for half the crowd.

[824] The other half, you're doing like going bald jokes.

[825] Dude, I had Ari Sheffir on my podcast one time.

[826] And we were at, you ever do a podcast and above the comedy seller?

[827] got a studio up there.

[828] No, I haven't.

[829] Bobby Kelly started it, and it's, uh, I forget what it's called.

[830] And, um, so I'm up there doing my podcast with Ari, and it's an apartment that's like there's a, there's a bedroom and a bathroom and then the studio.

[831] And we got to talking about torture.

[832] And I go, uh, I go, you ever been waterboarded?

[833] He's like, no, I go, this is a bathroom right here.

[834] I go, you want to, you want me to waterboard you?

[835] And you know, Ari's like, yeah, sure, let's do it.

[836] So we go, inside and I put a towel over his face and he leans over backwards and his head is below his body in the shower stall.

[837] The nozzle comes off the wall and I spray down his face and nothing, nothing, nothing.

[838] And then all of a sudden his body's convulsing.

[839] His legs are kicking.

[840] He's fucking screaming.

[841] Water is shooting out of his nose.

[842] He's choking.

[843] And it went on for like a couple minutes and I'm fucking dying.

[844] And then he starts laughing.

[845] And we were just on the podcast laughing without saying a word for probably five minutes.

[846] And then he goes, well, I'm going to do it to you?

[847] I'm like, fuck yeah.

[848] And then he waterboarded me and the same thing happened.

[849] Wow.

[850] Waterboarding is legit.

[851] Yeah, you can't.

[852] That's real torture.

[853] Yeah.

[854] But it's a weird torture because you're not permanently injuring someone.

[855] Like, when you think a torch, you think of like someone cutting someone, lighting them on fire, shit like that.

[856] What's the torture You would least want to be done to you It's a good question Maybe that one Maybe waterboarding I don't know I get like electrocution They electrocute you Ozarks Spoiler alert Oh yeah I don't say nothing I think I think being made To be cold For a long period I'm cold And no They say no sleep Is actually the worst thing You can do to somebody Right like Chinese water Torture They just have the water drip On you It just keeps you awake Drip Drip Dries Drip yeah that's a good tip if you're ever falling asleep while you're driving folks get a if you stop at a gas station and get like a soda or a water and some ice and then get like wet towel get a wet towel with ice in it and just rub your face because i used to smack myself in the face when i was coming back from gigs yeah and i'd be driving on the mass pike and there's smacking yourself in the face just sticking my head out the window you know just trying to stay lines just dot dot dot dot dot i used to drive from boston to new york like once a week for like a year and a half i had a i had a place i could crash in the city and i'd finish my gigs on saturday night i'd be at the fucking worcester akuaku the show would end it like you know midnight and i'd get in my car and i'd drive the three three and a half hours to the city and i regularly slept while driving and then snapped out of it like how fucking crazy is that that.

[857] I once wrecked a car.

[858] I fell asleep on the highway once.

[859] How old were you?

[860] I was in college and I had to go down to Providence for a court date.

[861] I got into a fight in Providence and I got arrested, spent the weekend in jail and then I had to come back for the court appearance.

[862] So I borrowed my ex -girlfriend's car and I'd been up the night before all night drinking.

[863] And so I drove down and I did the court appearance, got out of it, and I'm driving home, and I'm on 95 north, and I just fucking fell asleep.

[864] And I hit the guardrail, spun out, hit a truck.

[865] Oh, my God.

[866] And thank God, I got, um, I cut my mouth, I hit my mouth on the steering wheel.

[867] This is probably no airbags, too, right?

[868] No airbags.

[869] I was old Toyota Carolla.

[870] Fucking totaled car.

[871] Oh, no. My ex -girlfriend's car.

[872] Oh, no. How does she feel?

[873] feel she was all right with it she was all right with it she's happy you're alive she was a great girl oh yeah Cindy Murtha shout out to Cindy so you probably were relieved because of the court date right yeah you relieved got off can't believe I got off right and then you drive him back er bang fuck what a feeling man you talk about adrenaline rushing into your body that's second it can't get no more intense than that kid I knew from high school died that way oh no No shit, really?

[874] Yeah, he hit like the underside of a bridge.

[875] Damn.

[876] If he was asleep or he was drinking?

[877] Fell sleep.

[878] Pell asleep.

[879] Damn.

[880] Happens all the time, man. My father, he was a, my father was a big drinker.

[881] And he was driving home drunk one time.

[882] And my mom was following him in another car.

[883] That's how complicit alcoholism was back in the 70s.

[884] Yeah.

[885] Wives were just like.

[886] all right honey i'll follow you because you're drunk oh my god and so he's driving and he falls asleep with the wheel and he goes head first into a tree oh jesus cuts his jugular vein and his arm the veins in his arm my mom drives to get an ambulance he has no cell phones they come by the time they get there he has no vital signs he's fucking dead and they brought him back to life and he was in the hospital for like two weeks well how'd they bring him back to life i have no fucking idea i was like i was like five.

[887] I was like four or five.

[888] And what?

[889] Sput aside.

[890] I said they have some stuff they set aside.

[891] They really like a guy.

[892] You're right.

[893] And use that pet cemetery injection.

[894] Bring them back.

[895] That's right.

[896] Bring them back.

[897] Spike him.

[898] I didn't see the new pet cemetery.

[899] I heard it was, uh, eh.

[900] Is that based on the Stephen King book?

[901] Yeah.

[902] The book is great.

[903] Yeah.

[904] The movie, the first movie was all right.

[905] It was all right.

[906] They're fun.

[907] They're campy.

[908] The difference in his books and his movies, though, are so His books are terrifying.

[909] His books, like, get to the heart of the worst aspects of human nature and demonic possession.

[910] The maximum overdraft would be a great one to remake now.

[911] Yeah, right?

[912] For all the fucking robots or any machine takes over and kills everyone.

[913] Yeah.

[914] No shit, right?

[915] Yeah, to have it like with modern electric trucks and shit.

[916] Yeah.

[917] The Shining was the only one that was as scary as the book.

[918] Well, it was different.

[919] Very different than the book.

[920] How was it?

[921] Yeah, I read the book.

[922] the shining the movie with jack nicholson apparently bothered stephen king because jack nicholson was like on edge from the beginning of the movie like he was always crazy like he was always like you know he's always just kind of barely fucking hanging on yeah you know that was his whole thing right in the book the guy clearly becomes mad right he becomes possessed he's a normal guy who's just struggling he's trying to be a writer and he uses this as an opportunity to write and then the house takes him over right it's more more of an arc Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[923] It's, well, there's nothing you can do.

[924] It's him getting pumped up for the scene.

[925] Oh, yeah.

[926] He's getting fired up.

[927] Look at him.

[928] Yeah.

[929] Was that Kubrick?

[930] Yeah, yeah.

[931] Yeah, Kubrick, look at, he doesn't want to get killed by a fucking axe.

[932] Axewheeling Jack Nicholson.

[933] Yeah, I could see that.

[934] Once Kubrick takes over, you're not going to have a lot of saying how the thing is directed.

[935] Well, not only that, Kubrick put all this moon landing stuff in it.

[936] There was all these moon references.

[937] Really?

[938] Yeah, the kid has.

[939] had an Apollo sweater on, like there was, there's, there's someone made a documentary that was all the numbers and all the, all the, all the things that are attached to that movie, room 237, that's what it's about, because it's 237 ,000 miles to the moon when they made the launch.

[940] So he's got USA Apollo sweater on, the little boy did.

[941] There's a bunch of things.

[942] Yeah, there's a ton of things that Kubrick did on purpose.

[943] Because he would put, weird stuff like that in his movies.

[944] He's a fascinating guy, man. You know, he was like a high -level mathematician.

[945] No shit.

[946] Yeah, he would do high -level mathematics for fun while he wasn't doing movies.

[947] Wow.

[948] Yeah, they had an exhibit at Lachma in L .A. of a Stanley Kubrick exhibit for like six months.

[949] It was fucking wild.

[950] That place should be flattened.

[951] They should take all the homeless people and move them there.

[952] That place is the biggest abomination of all of Los Angeles.

[953] I went there.

[954] there's a clear plastic box that was a piece of art. Like this box is art. It's like, this is art. This is our art. It's our space.

[955] You made this box and this is our art. Like, what?

[956] Like, they have it roped off so you don't sit on the box.

[957] It's like a plexiglass box.

[958] Like, get the fuck out of my face with this.

[959] You know what you're doing.

[960] Another piece of art was like people throwing basketballs in the nets.

[961] There was like videos of basketballs like over and over and over again.

[962] People throwing basketballs.

[963] I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, fuck you.

[964] Fuck you.

[965] I know what you're doing.

[966] I know what you're doing You don't this is not art You know this is not art You know Then there was some art there When there was some of that stuff There were some things you're like Hey fuck you with this box Yeah I know what you're doing And you get paid for this Yeah Who's paying you Is this taxpayer funded Isn't it Lackma Yeah Yeah they probably have to pay The people to rent their art Bro the fucking real estate They're living in Yeah I heard something recently About museum Is that only something Like 7 % Of like most collections are what you see.

[967] There's so much stuff in storage, like cool shit that people might want to see that there's not room for because the buildings aren't big enough.

[968] Really?

[969] Lots of, like, instruments, for instance.

[970] 300 -year -old violins get used by, like, kids because it's cheaper to just keep them in use and send them around than it is to just store it and I hope and restore it eventually after it's unused for 25, 30 years because of all the old horse hair or whatever is they used to make each thing.

[971] But there's really cool art by probably Da Vinci or who knows.

[972] knows what's hidden in some of these places, but people that work there know and get to see some of it.

[973] You know what's interesting to me?

[974] People that buy dinosaur skeletons, apparently there's a giant market for them in China.

[975] They'll spend like a million dollars and buy a dinosaur skeleton.

[976] You walk in this motherfucker's house.

[977] Fuck your artwork, bitch.

[978] That's pretty badass.

[979] You got a goddamn T -Rex in my living room.

[980] You imagine?

[981] Yeah.

[982] You walk into some guy's palace, some emerald palace, and you open these two fucking teakwood doors and you see a dinosaur in the middle of his front entrance that's what they're going for so they're buying these things there's nothing nicholas cage returns stolen mongolian dinosaur skull he bought at gallery tyrannosaurus what is that animal tyranosaurus batar have you heard of that no a t a r will it will be repatriated ah i like that word after it was bought by the actor from Beverly Hills Gallery in 2007 a T -Rex skull Wow What?

[983] He bought it for $276 ,000 That's a pretty good deal Well it was 2007 I think he said Yeah shit wasn't worth as much back then Fuck man Nothing stops you in your tracks And like Museum of Natural History Is a good fucking dinosaur skeleton Especially the ones that eat things Like eat meat.

[984] I don't want that big ass stupid plant eating brontosaurus get that bitch out of my face What is that?

[985] That's a weird elephant He's a fucking vegan Who wants to hang out with a vegan Get him out of here I'm not scared I want to see teeth Let me see teeth and claws What is shit design huh Giant head Little tiny baby arms Yeah What is shit design What is he doing with those arms What the fuck is the purpose Of those arms And there's the only animal That I can think of That developed that way And was that a, was he a plant eater?

[986] No T -Rex Oh T -Rex Yeah T -Rex They don't know if T -Rex was a predator or if T -Rex was a scavenger.

[987] They think by the shape, there's some talk that by the shape of his bones, that what he might have been doing was using those bones to crush giant dinosaur bones and that, like, he might be surviving on dead things.

[988] Yeah.

[989] And that they also had some speculation that they might have had, they don't know what they really looked like because they don't know the skin color.

[990] They had some speculation that they might have had faces like vultures, like red, fucked up, really brightly colored faces just to let you know they're disgusting.

[991] And they're he to, you know, because like, when you see vultures, it's not a coincidence that they're the grossest fucking -looking animal on the planet and all they eat is dead shit.

[992] Yeah.

[993] And they're big.

[994] Vultures are fucking big.

[995] That's a big animal, flopping around with these giant wings.

[996] But we're not nearly as impressed by them as we are with an eagle.

[997] You see, like, the vulture's never going to be that fucking national bird.

[998] Get out of here with that bullshit.

[999] We kill it ourselves, bro.

[1000] We're not here for some scavenger -ass, fucked up, red -faced, stupid bird.

[1001] The Smithsonian, I think it opens on the 8th of June.

[1002] They have this brand new, deep time.

[1003] Oh, that's Irish elk.

[1004] Natural History, dinosaur exhibit.

[1005] And this is some of the highlights of what they have there.

[1006] They have this, like, T -Rex eating at T -Sarotops.

[1007] Yeah, Jesus Christ.

[1008] And this giant Irish elk, the saber -tooth cat.

[1009] A bunch of cool stuff.

[1010] Like, you're just talking about it, so I'm sure they might have some of these answers of the questions you have and this is uh where at which uh dc smithsonian natural history when does this come out uh it's it's opening now so like they just built it and they're just doing all the press fuck it seems pretty cool yeah i mean who owns the dinosaur skeletons who owns that the smithsonian i think is it's free because it's u .s taxes so some of the stuff i guess we technically own i guess i don't know hmm i don't it's it c or new york one of them doesn't charge for any of the museums i think it might be dc yes smithsonian stuff is all free or when it's open it should be free My friend John Dudley knows a dude who owns a ranch in Montana, and they found a T -Rex on his property.

[1011] No shit.

[1012] Yeah.

[1013] Found a bone out there moving around stuff on his property.

[1014] Like, what the fuck is this?

[1015] Starts cleaning it up, find something, brings in some paleontologists.

[1016] They start digging.

[1017] And they're like, whoa, daddy.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] We got a T -Rex here.

[1020] Right.

[1021] Yeah.

[1022] Yeah, that's a fucking job.

[1023] People get obsessed with that, and they go, I'm going to be an archaeologist when I get older.

[1024] And then you're standing in a fucking desert With a toothbrush for eight hours a day Trying to find a bone What's that?

[1025] Who was that dude, Sam?

[1026] The guy's name from Sam O 'Neill, Sam Neal, Sam Neal from Jurassic Park Yeah Nobody wants to be him.

[1027] Everybody wants to be Jeff Goldblum, the guy who shows up with a sexy jacket And says, Um, life finds a way.

[1028] Huh, it appears, It appears that life finds a way.

[1029] World's biggest T -Rex discovered, Jesus Christ, what is this?

[1030] Oh, estimated 19 ,500 pounds.

[1031] Holy shit.

[1032] Holy shit.

[1033] And what can those arms even do?

[1034] Look at those things.

[1035] Yeah, the arms are weird, man. They're so weird.

[1036] And look how big the feet and legs are and the giant ass head.

[1037] That's the thing that thinking, like, that this wasn't something that chased things down.

[1038] It just sort of bent over and just jacked whatever was on the ground.

[1039] Yeah.

[1040] But I don't know if that's like, uh, I think there was some speculation.

[1041] Hey, we should Google this, because there was something about the physics of its body that it wouldn't be able to run fast because it's so weirdly shaped.

[1042] They're like trying to figure out, why is its head so big, it has a little tiny -ass arms and these big ass legs, this big fucking tail.

[1043] Can that thing run?

[1044] Like, what it would, and then there was also some speculation that the atmosphere was way different back then.

[1045] And the atmosphere was much more oxygen -rich.

[1046] And maybe things just, just were different, you know, like the physics.

[1047] They could run longer and faster.

[1048] Like, maybe even the physics of Earth was a little different in terms of, like, the way we interacted with the gravity.

[1049] We interacted with the atmosphere, rather.

[1050] Yeah, the atmosphere, like, held them up somehow or another.

[1051] Like, it was thicker.

[1052] But I read things that I'm high, and I don't remember what the fuck I read.

[1053] I think this is just saying that it could, it should have been slower maybe than, like, they were shown in the Jurassic Park.

[1054] It wouldn't have been running that fast.

[1055] Here it says running would have broken an adult Tyrannosaurus, Ross wrecks his legs.

[1056] See, I don't, but, okay, Google this.

[1057] So now we know that.

[1058] There's people that think that he couldn't run because of the shape.

[1059] Google, the atmosphere was different during the Jurassic period.

[1060] Because there was some, I mean, it might have been horseshit.

[1061] It was just an article that was written about how, like, we have to take into account the whole world was, like, different.

[1062] Before that giant asteroid came and fucked up everything and slammed into Chichen Itza.

[1063] You know, that...

[1064] It says that the oxygen levels might have been about 20 to 30 % higher during that time period.

[1065] So it might have been harder to breathe, I guess?

[1066] I'm not sure.

[1067] Harder to breathe?

[1068] A sudden drop in oxygen from roughly 30 % to the atmosphere of the atmosphere to about 10 % may have contributed to mass extinctions.

[1069] Oh, from the impact, the dinosaur.

[1070] So that was one of the things they thought killed.

[1071] There's a bunch of different ideas they have of how quickly the dinosaurs died off.

[1072] But one of the more interesting ones that I saw recently Was that they all died almost instantly This would have made it more humid With higher levels of carbon dioxide And more likely more cloud cover Hmm It just says gasping for breath Harder to, I just keep seeing that stuff It says harder to breathe during that Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do it The way they moved though There was something about I remember reading something about the way a T -Rex move But it's a fucking mystery Because it's not like, you look at a crocodile You're like, oh, I get it uses those four legs To get you with this big fat face It makes sense Then you look at a T -Rex Like why are you up in the air like that Why is your head so big What's with the little legs The ones in the front What are those things What's with the arms What's up with this weird body you have The weight of that head Is illogical Giant head Yeah It's crazy head He needs to go to Indianapolis Get that thing Fucking shaved down He's an insult Maybe that's why he's so mad I can't fuck Yeah how did they fuck How do they fuck?

[1073] How do they fuck?

[1074] Jesus Christ with that tail How do you get out the pussy With that tail That's a crazy ass tail You'd have to come out of it from the side You'd have to tackle her You'd have to blindside her Tackle her Get a leg up in the air Get in like that You'd have to get one of them leg But then what the fuck?

[1075] You have no arms You got no arms No she can't give you a hand job T -Rex tiny arms May have been vicious weapons Save it nerd Save it nerd What?

[1076] Unlike his fucking giant face filled with huge swords He's got a huge head filled with swords They're saying it might be the remnants of little wings of flightless birds That's what I thought I was looking up I thought maybe at one point I'd heard that there's some one scientist thought those were like remnants of wings Oh, that makes sense And they weren't actually maybe arms, but there are wings Well that totally makes sense when you think about like ostriches and shit like that They used to have wings and they turned into those things Let me see it again Let me see his fucking little shitty arms That makes me way more sense That makes way more sense that they're the remnants of former wings.

[1077] Because, like, that's, if you think about what an ostrich looks like, you could kind of morph an ostrich into a T -Rex, right?

[1078] Yeah.

[1079] I mean, they don't have a tail, but they do have those fucked up legs, giant -ass legs and a weird body and a fucking head.

[1080] And when they look at you, they look at you like, they look right through you.

[1081] Like, you don't mean shit.

[1082] Like, if you got run over by a truck in front of an ostrich, they wouldn't even flinch.

[1083] Yeah.

[1084] They don't give a fuck about you.

[1085] Now.

[1086] And just like a dinosaur.

[1087] They just have this bird face.

[1088] Yeah.

[1089] They have zero compassion for you.

[1090] Yeah, ostrichists just have no empathy.

[1091] That's why they have small arms.

[1092] They never hug anybody.

[1093] No, assholes.

[1094] All of those, all those fucking creatures that fly around or used to, they can all suck it.

[1095] All birds.

[1096] All birds are gross.

[1097] I love when people keep them as pets.

[1098] See if you can find, oh, a bird is a bad.

[1099] My bird loves me. Yeah, keep your window open.

[1100] Yeah.

[1101] See what happens.

[1102] T -Rex used to look like vulture This is a weird one They don't even know They're covered in feathers They think they might have been covered in feathers That's a more recent speculation They think that all dinosaurs were covered in feathers Wow Yeah or most of them You know, that's why you see chickens Chicken literally is a dinosaur Just one that lived One that made it Oh, that's one that's creepy looking him.

[1103] No, there was one where it had a red face.

[1104] There was some...

[1105] Yeah, that's it right there.

[1106] Yeah.

[1107] So, yeah, that's how they had it done.

[1108] With like feathers and shit.

[1109] Feathers and a big old red face.

[1110] I mean, I don't know why we're attached to, like, one idea what that fucking thing looked like.

[1111] All we have is bones.

[1112] We have no idea what the skin was like.

[1113] Easily could have been covered in feathers.

[1114] Isn't it amazing that every kid, I don't know if it's girls too, but every boy gets fascinated with dinosaurs at a certain age.

[1115] Isn't that weird?

[1116] Oh, yeah.

[1117] It's like archetypal.

[1118] There's something deep in your brain that wants to know and connect with dinosaurs when you're like four or five years old.

[1119] Because it's such a fucking wild hail married by nature.

[1120] And they ruled for so long.

[1121] And they were snuffed out by a rock.

[1122] Like if that rock didn't hit Earth, we would be under the rain of these.

[1123] vicious fucking reptiles roaming the planet eating everything we would have never evolved to where we are we would have been hiding in little holes in the ground we'd be little mammals that's as good as you're ever going to get you're never going to develop a fucking city good luck bitch there's raptors everywhere they're just running around jacking you don't think homo sapiens would have never made it never got to that part we were moles for hundreds of millions of years we were these weird fucking creatures and then from 65 million years ago that mole evolved into a human being, according to these fucking scientists.

[1124] Oh, they're fancy.

[1125] They have an agenda.

[1126] $65 ,000 a year that you have to pay for education.

[1127] Yeah.

[1128] This book I was just listening to about music and the brain talked about the first instrument found.

[1129] Is this I think it was like a rib flute of like an elephant or something that's like 50 ,000 years old.

[1130] But because it's a flute, they go that's probably most likely not the first instrument being used because it was probably drums to get to a flute that's making sounds it's a big evolution like how how farther back do you think they were just using drums before they had language you know oh that's a good point the haka in New Zealand that whole thing which is just a lot of sounds and grunts screaming but that was a way to communicate yeah like what is the accepted timeline for the invention of language let's take a guess I don't know what it is but let's take a guess I want to say language was invented 100 ,000 years ago.

[1131] What do you think?

[1132] I don't even think it's that long.

[1133] Honestly, I'm going to say it's 40.

[1134] I'm going to say language that was invented 40 ,000 years ago.

[1135] Well, it's Homo sapien, right?

[1136] Is that first one?

[1137] But Homo sapien didn't always have language.

[1138] Right.

[1139] Homo sapien, I think, is 250 ,000 plus years old.

[1140] There's like the argument from like 250, it gets shaky to like 350, 400, whatever it could be.

[1141] But they think somewhere around there.

[1142] And the other thing is, like, they intersected with, was it Neanderthal man that came before him, and originally they just thought that one ended and the next one started.

[1143] Yeah.

[1144] But then, in fact, they actually existed together for a long time, and they fought.

[1145] Yep, and they fucked.

[1146] And Neanderthal was around way longer.

[1147] Neanderthal survived for half a million years.

[1148] So Neanderthal was alive way longer than humans have been alive than modern Homo sapien humans.

[1149] What's that?

[1150] Everything I keep finding just says, like, it starts with ancient Egypt.

[1151] That's probably like written language.

[1152] That's probably like written language.

[1153] How about spoken language?

[1154] The origin date of spoken language.

[1155] Well, Neanderthal was bigger and stronger, but Homo sapien, they organized.

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] Well, they worked as a group.

[1158] I would like to know what really happened because Neanderthal's actually had bigger brains.

[1159] Oh, really?

[1160] Yeah.

[1161] But they're also built way bitter, way different.

[1162] So it might have been their bigger brains Was to control their much stronger body Because they were like 5 -7, 250 pounds Oh, 20 pounds Yeah, they were built different than us Huh Yeah, they were thick -ass bones, man Like a 5 -7, 200 -pound man today Like, man, man, that guy's got to be lifting some weights It's basically my height, I'm 5 -8, I weigh 200 pounds So I'm built like a Neanderthal Like legitimately, that's what they were all built like That and thicker Right But with way denser bones than me Bigger heads.

[1163] Bigger heads, bigger arms, bigger bones, the bones in the forearm, the arms, the legs.

[1164] Everything was thicker.

[1165] They were just more sturdy than us.

[1166] They were, like, naturally, like, they didn't have to lift weights.

[1167] They would rip your fucking arms off.

[1168] They were just built, like, almost like a half a chimp, like, on the way from being, you know, Australia, or, you know, Homo erectus or Australia Pythicus or any of those early man type species.

[1169] They were in that, you know, there was, they think there was dozens of them.

[1170] They think there's the ones out of Russia that they found out about.

[1171] I think they're called Dennis Ovins.

[1172] There's those little Hobbit people that were in the Ireland of Flores.

[1173] They think there might be ones in those places, too.

[1174] Even in Vietnam, they have one they call the Orang Pendek, I think that's how you say it.

[1175] And that's like a little monkey man, like a little hairy man that lives in the forest out there.

[1176] And before this Hobbit discovery, which was only like a decade ago, The people that live in the island of Flores, and they found out that there was absolutely three -foot -tall, little hairy people that had stone tools, and they organized, they lived in these places, and they used fire.

[1177] Like, that's a real goddamn thing.

[1178] Wow.

[1179] No shit.

[1180] Yeah.

[1181] And they just found that out within the last decade or so.

[1182] So, I mean, how many of them were out there?

[1183] How many other ones were out there that we just don't have fossils of?

[1184] And when you talk to a guy like Graham Hancock, who has that amazing book right there called America Before, fuck, that's a good book.

[1185] It can't find evidence.

[1186] About 10 ,000 years ago seems to be the most agreed upon.

[1187] 10 ,000?

[1188] Potential for spoken language.

[1189] No shit.

[1190] I think they might only have evidence that goes back that far.

[1191] There's people that say it probably should go back as far back as 60 ,000 years, but I don't believe there have any evidence of that to support that.

[1192] How would you?

[1193] That's the problem.

[1194] Well, there's the, when they developed the larynx, the voice box, I think they trace it to that.

[1195] Yeah.

[1196] That's the problem with history, right?

[1197] It's like, who knows what the fuck Lincoln said?

[1198] All we know is what Lincoln wrote.

[1199] Okay, when you have Lincoln holding hands with his boyfriend, going for a walk through the garden, bitch, you're just making shit up.

[1200] You're making shit up?

[1201] Is that a thing now?

[1202] Well, there is speculation that Abraham Lincoln was a gay man. Huh.

[1203] And they slept with a man for long periods of time in the same bed.

[1204] But apparently people did that very often back then for warmth.

[1205] because, you know, you lived in a place that was made out of wood that you chopped down your fucking self.

[1206] I shared a bed for four years, though.

[1207] Listen, it's cold for four years in a row.

[1208] It'd be tough to share a bed with Lincoln.

[1209] He was fucking huge.

[1210] Yeah, he's all strong, too.

[1211] He's a wrestler.

[1212] Was he?

[1213] Yeah.

[1214] Huh.

[1215] Yeah, he was an excellent wrestler, supposedly.

[1216] And he shared a bed with his captain of his bodyguards whenever his wife was away.

[1217] Hip -hop, hooray.

[1218] So maybe he was cold.

[1219] I don't know.

[1220] Hey.

[1221] might be both.

[1222] I mean, you know, we have to, you know, think about it in context, right?

[1223] I think if you go back to the Greeks and the Romans, gay sex was way more common.

[1224] I mean, it was like almost like everybody was half gay, right?

[1225] It's kind of, and pedophilia was just a normal thing.

[1226] Young boys.

[1227] Like, if you read Socrates, you read the history of him or of a lot of scholars and, like, really respected thinkers.

[1228] They had young boys that they would bang.

[1229] So what was, what today is a horrific crime against humanity was completely normal back then.

[1230] Yeah.

[1231] So when did that stop?

[1232] When did dudes just stop banging dudes?

[1233] And did they just kind of do it and not talk about it?

[1234] Or was it?

[1235] It seems like Christianity first brought about the shame, the sexual shame that we have today so I would probably trace it back to like 2 ,000 years ago if you how hmm here's a question how much of being gay is stopped by society's expectations like what is the percentage of people who are actually gay who just can't act on it because it just it whether their mom or their religion or their church they go to or they're you know they got married and they had kids but they really want to be gay how much of that exists today like what percentage out of all all the gay activity if you could put it on a pie chart you mean how many more gay people would there be if they didn't if there was just no one cares to yeah there's no expectations from religion no expectations from your community i'd be in would you be in fuck yeah do you think you'd be a top or a bottom top that's what everybody thinks i'd be i'd be a screaming bottom A lot of crying Waterboarding I'd be a running bottom It would be just like when you were waterboarding You'd be fucking spasming uncontrollably And it turns out That's what a lot of the guys are into Unfortunately That's the biggest kink in the community Waterboarding Dude he's a runner Butt -fucked Getting butt -fucked by waterboarding It's the new black It's the new thing Yeah, it's the rage It's all the rage Nipple clamps And did you ever watch Orange is the New Black?

[1236] A couple times Is it any good?

[1237] It's not bad I just I didn't I felt like the characters Were a little too Overdrawn I didn't buy them as real people Too much They seemed like It felt like a writer Coming up with a character As opposed to like Really trying to portray human behavior but then again I've never been in a women's prison my mom worked in a women's prison for years dude really yeah and she talked about they were all victim we were talking about you know women who were abused abused and uh every fucking one of them was abused sexually physically almost all of them are in jail because of a guy they were carrying drugs for a guy they they fucking killed a guy because he kept attacking her it was pretty rare You know, and a lot of it was obviously drug use, but that stems from usually childhood abuse.

[1238] Yeah.

[1239] Yeah, that's right.

[1240] But for a lot of them, my mom said it was the best environment they'd ever lived in because there was a solidarity among a lot of the women.

[1241] There was a lot of support.

[1242] There was education.

[1243] There were support groups.

[1244] Yeah.

[1245] And they developed relationships with women without men around.

[1246] And so they were able to foster and nurture real.

[1247] female empowered relationships.

[1248] That's so sad and cool at the same time.

[1249] Yeah.

[1250] It's sad, but it's like, well, it's nice that something is working out for them.

[1251] Like, women in jail seem to have a way better time of it than men in jail.

[1252] It just seems like a better deal.

[1253] I think so.

[1254] You're probably not getting beat up as much.

[1255] Isn't there a new reality show about women in jail where they're following these women in jail?

[1256] It's not just women.

[1257] Oh, it's mostly women.

[1258] I saw it's called jailbirds.

[1259] on Netflix.

[1260] I watched like the first episode.

[1261] Yes, that's right.

[1262] Is that good?

[1263] It's not bad.

[1264] Yeah, it follows them in like the Sacramento jail, like the, where they're in holding or...

[1265] It seems like there's so many fucking shows about people in jail that it must be like, prisoners must get agents now.

[1266] Oh, my God.

[1267] Like, get offers.

[1268] I get an offer from MSNBC for lockup.

[1269] Greg, they like you, but they'd like you to just get some face tattoos.

[1270] Do you think you'd be get...

[1271] You know, they'll put you on A &E.

[1272] Right.

[1273] Okay.

[1274] E &E.

[1275] Bad guys show.

[1276] They're giving you a...

[1277] Bad guys in jail.

[1278] Greg Fitzsimmis.

[1279] I got this.

[1280] We're giving you a two -year option, but I'm only in here for one.

[1281] You follow golf, right?

[1282] Yeah.

[1283] I wanted to talk to you about this because it's so ridiculous.

[1284] I saw this guy got suspended from his serious golf show because he was talking about the LPGA, and he goes, who's going to win the LPGA?

[1285] He goes, let me go on a limb and say it's going to be a Korean, because apparently Koreans win a lot of them.

[1286] 70 % of the LPGA is Korean.

[1287] It's crazy.

[1288] And then he said, he goes, pick a name.

[1289] goes, is it Lee?

[1290] He goes, how many Lees do we have that entered?

[1291] And it's like six Lees, six Lees, because there's six Lees.

[1292] They said he was racist and sexist, and they suspended him for those comments.

[1293] Like, first of all, it's not bad to win, okay?

[1294] When he's saying, who he thinks is going to win, probably a Korean, well, that's good.

[1295] That means the Koreans kick ass at golf.

[1296] That's not fucking racist.

[1297] It's not racist to say that.

[1298] It's also not racist to say, maybe their name is Lee.

[1299] Because there's a lot of lees.

[1300] That's not racist.

[1301] That's accurate.

[1302] It turns out there was six lees.

[1303] Like, come on, folks.

[1304] We're not saying anything bad.

[1305] You're talking about something that everybody loves, which is golf, right?

[1306] You all love it.

[1307] That's why you're listening to golf radio.

[1308] And you're talking about an impoverished country that is found away, like black people found boxing or Irish guys found the fucking police force.

[1309] Like, you find something to rise up out of.

[1310] Well, Koreans work hard.

[1311] I mean, I guarantee you that's part of it.

[1312] It's part of the culture.

[1313] I had a very good friend of mine that I've talked about many times in this podcast who was a U .S. national champ while he was in medical school.

[1314] National Taekwanao champ.

[1315] Wow.

[1316] And I realize how hard some people work.

[1317] Oh, yeah.

[1318] Jungsik Chang.

[1319] That was his name.

[1320] Damn.

[1321] Yeah.

[1322] Great guy.

[1323] One of my favorite people I've ever met.

[1324] I loved him to death.

[1325] I don't know why it's women, but in men's golf.

[1326] And men's golf is very international now.

[1327] It's never had more players from around the world.

[1328] But not a lot of Koreans.

[1329] There's like a Japanese guy who's way up top, and there's another Korean guy who's good, but nothing like LPGA.

[1330] That's interesting.

[1331] I don't know anything about, I didn't know anything about Koreans in golf before I saw that.

[1332] But we have to make a differentiation between something that is about a race and something that's racist.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] This is not negative.

[1335] You're literally talking about a positive thing.

[1336] They're winners.

[1337] You want to win.

[1338] Don't you want to win?

[1339] You're trying to win, right?

[1340] Well, they win a lot.

[1341] They're awesome at it.

[1342] And it's not, they're not cheating.

[1343] They're just kicking ass.

[1344] They're better at golf.

[1345] Yeah.

[1346] And some of them are named Lee.

[1347] There's nothing racist here.

[1348] This is not racist.

[1349] They're upset because the ratings for the LPGA are way down because they want to see Americans playing.

[1350] So there's like a, so it's an issue.

[1351] Yeah, it's a big issue because of ratings.

[1352] So you think his attitude is racist because he's like mocking it because Korean.

[1353] are winning it so he doesn't care?

[1354] I don't know that that's his intention.

[1355] No, I don't think it's his intention.

[1356] I think there's a sensitivity about it because it's become an issue.

[1357] I get that.

[1358] I get that.

[1359] That makes sense.

[1360] But it just doesn't make sense if you're just going off what he said.

[1361] Right.

[1362] Of what he said.

[1363] What I'm getting is you're being super fucking sensitive with how you treat people that are talking about winners.

[1364] Yeah.

[1365] Like that's the case with Filipinos and pool.

[1366] Filipinos are some of the greatest pool players of all time Some of my all -time favorite pool players are from the Philippines Francisco Bustamante Ephron Reyes Rodolfo Luat Alex Paggillian Some of the greatest of all time Dennis Arculo All those guys were Filipino The top of the food chain man When you saw those guys playing a tournament You're like fuck Like you knew they were winning I mean Ephron Reyes won everything Bustamante won everything.

[1367] These guys are murderers.

[1368] And if you said, like, who's going to win this tournament?

[1369] Probably a Filipino.

[1370] Everybody would start laughing.

[1371] Like, yep, probably.

[1372] They wouldn't be a negative.

[1373] It would be a positive.

[1374] Yeah.

[1375] They're some of the best in the world at pool.

[1376] That's not racist.

[1377] That's accurate.

[1378] Yeah.

[1379] Now, what is it with MMA?

[1380] What are the big nationalities?

[1381] That's a good question.

[1382] Russians?

[1383] Russians are murdering it right now.

[1384] There's a lot of badass Russians.

[1385] Wherever life is hard.

[1386] You're going to find fighters And you're going to find people that survive Where Life is Hard and Thrive And that's how you get like a Khabib Nirmikimedov You get a hard motherfucker who knows how to fight And then it scares shit Same thing with Carter McGregor You get a hard neighborhood A hard life You know Growing up in Dublin Dangerous Fighting since he was young You know That's how you get these beasts And then But a lot of American MMA guys come from Wrestling Or the military right?

[1387] Yes, some of them Some of them from the military You know it's rare You know, we had special forces guy like Tim Kennedy, of course, who's probably one of the most famous, Brian Stan, also a military veteran.

[1388] And you look at these guys that are, you know, the guys that are capable of being seals or rangers or green berets, they're just elite humans.

[1389] They're just, they're people that know how to do things and push themselves in a way that other people don't.

[1390] Sometimes that translates over the fighting and sometimes it doesn't.

[1391] Yeah.

[1392] You know, sometimes they just don't have the physical capability of it.

[1393] Like, they might have the mindset to survive war and the ability to get through buds and to get through grueling physical training, but he ain't beaten John Jones, you know?

[1394] Like, there's levels to this thing.

[1395] There's genetic levels.

[1396] You know, John Jones has, like, some of the best genetics ever, and then uses them as good as anybody that's ever existed, best at controlling distance of all time.

[1397] He's got two brothers that are NFL players.

[1398] So, this is, like, super genetics in the household, right?

[1399] Both his brothers are NFL stars.

[1400] That's amazing.

[1401] And he's the baddest light heavy weight of all time.

[1402] And he's smart.

[1403] So it's not just physical.

[1404] It's also intellectual.

[1405] He also sets traps for people.

[1406] He measures them.

[1407] He sees what they're doing.

[1408] And he feels them weakening.

[1409] He pressures them and puts heavy pressure on people.

[1410] He knows when to ebb and flow.

[1411] He's just a genius at fighting.

[1412] Do lightweights have longer careers?

[1413] No. No, I would say the opposite.

[1414] I would say the bigger guys actually have, they can compete at a higher level deep into their 30s and even 40s.

[1415] at Randy Couture, I think he re -won the heavyweight title when he was 42.

[1416] Check that.

[1417] Because I would think there'd be more knockouts with heavyweights.

[1418] There's a lot of knockouts with heavyweights.

[1419] But their bodies maintain what got them to the dance later in life.

[1420] Like George Foreman.

[1421] George Foreman won the heavyweight title.

[1422] I think he was 46 when he knocked out Michael Moore.

[1423] It's like the oldest ever heavyweight champion.

[1424] And that's just unheard of at Welterweight.

[1425] You're not going to see 46 -year -old Walter weights winning the world title against Earl Spence, Jr., or something like that.

[1426] You're just not going to see that.

[1427] It's 43.

[1428] He was 43?

[1429] Randy was.

[1430] Yeah.

[1431] And find out how old George Foreman was when he knocked out Michael Moore.

[1432] So that's crazy.

[1433] That's crazy old, 43.

[1434] You don't see that at 125 pounds.

[1435] You just don't.

[1436] You just don't.

[1437] Right.

[1438] At 125 pounds, no one wins the title at 43 years old.

[1439] So just the mass almost helps you survive.

[1440] Something like that.

[1441] I also think they lose less as they get older.

[1442] He was 44, 45.

[1443] So, yeah, George Foreman was the oldest ever heavyweight champion in 45.

[1444] Crazy.

[1445] Wow.

[1446] That is so unusual as, like, a middleweight.

[1447] The only one who maintained a world championship caliber skill set deep into his 40s was Bernard Hopkins.

[1448] And Archie Moore, when Archie Moore was younger, you know, we're talking about the Rocky Marciano days.

[1449] That was, he fought deep into his 40s as well, but he was just a real crafty veteran.

[1450] He actually also trained George Foreman, which is very interesting.

[1451] interesting.

[1452] So like that crafty veteran trained George Foreman to be a crafty veteran.

[1453] Yeah.

[1454] And maintain his power.

[1455] He had a real unusual, I don't know if you remember, but George Foreman used to almost like put his hands up like he didn't know how to fight.

[1456] Like don't hit me, don't hit me. Almost like that.

[1457] But that was his defense.

[1458] He would move forward like this because he was so big.

[1459] He was such an enormous man with these enormous arms.

[1460] So when he would stack them in top of each other and walk towards you like that, it was this weird.

[1461] offense and he learned that from Archie Moore.

[1462] It's part of the part of his defense and holding his hands up in a weird way.

[1463] He learned from Archie Moore.

[1464] Well, you know, the oldest hockey player in the, in the NHL is also the biggest.

[1465] Six foot eight, the guy Zadana Chara on the Bruins.

[1466] 43.

[1467] What's that name?

[1468] What is his name?

[1469] Zadana Chara.

[1470] He's Slovakian.

[1471] Yeah, that dude was from the Lord of the Rings.

[1472] Listen to that name.

[1473] They gave birth to him.

[1474] in a meadow they rode a horse out there There was destiny They predicted how long He played when he was young Yeah This is that name He came out of He was like a fucking Viking He's an animal And he fights I saw Oh yeah I saw this one fight Where he hit a guy And the guy kind of took a dive And he leaned down And picked him up With one hand And started punching him With the other Lifted him off the ice With one hand Yeah I saw one thing That's really fucked up a guy hip tossed a dude he judo threw him like he swept him like he grabbed a hold of him swept his leg out kicked his leg out like a uchimata and slammed his fucking head onto the ground it was rough yeah yeah i was like man that ain't the same as fighting like you you know you're on ice yeah he you mean no one told me he couldn't do it right but he used some really fucking sneaky shit yeah you know yeah the the fighting and the there's funny there's a there's really great clips of guys talking to each other before fights and it's amazingly calm they literally go like uh hey you want to go and the guy will be like y 'all go and then they fight and then they threw and then as soon as the other guy goes yeah they just throw their gloves down and they start fighting it's all it's all part of the game it's all fucking orchestrated and there's players that fight and there's players that don't and if you're on the if you're on the ice with another goon then it's it's expected that you're you guys are going to fight at some point.

[1475] Yeah.

[1476] What a crazy way to make a living.

[1477] Bare knuckle fighting on slippery floor.

[1478] Yeah, but you know, they don't get hit that much because they get the jersey up.

[1479] They do.

[1480] They get hit enough, though.

[1481] I've been watching dudes who have skills now.

[1482] You're seeing way more guys who have boxing skill doing this.

[1483] Like guys who like laying like short uppercuts and left hooks where you're like, oh my God, that guy turned that punch over.

[1484] That guy knows on a punch.

[1485] Yeah, there's not as many overhands where all you're doing with the overhead is hitting the guy in the helmet with your fist.

[1486] Yeah, the flailing.

[1487] Sometimes you don't see that.

[1488] Sometimes you're seeing guys would throw fucking straight punches.

[1489] Yeah.

[1490] Right.

[1491] You don't know how to fight and then this guy knows how to do that while he's on.

[1492] Yeah, this one.

[1493] Look at this.

[1494] Boom, boom.

[1495] Damn.

[1496] Boom.

[1497] That's a good chaos while he's hold and then he gives him one while he's going down.

[1498] And then he goes down.

[1499] He's out cold.

[1500] Boom, boom.

[1501] Bang.

[1502] He's not to see you guys out.

[1503] Yeah, he punches right from the shoulder.

[1504] Oh, yeah.

[1505] guy can punch.

[1506] You're punching in the face while he's punching you in the face, too.

[1507] It's chaos.

[1508] It's a terrible way to punch people.

[1509] Not only a great fighter.

[1510] One of the best players in the league and also a great fighter?

[1511] Wow.

[1512] That's a crazy sport man. It doesn't get enough love.

[1513] Yeah.

[1514] Name the average person to name a famous hockey player is currently playing.

[1515] I know.

[1516] This is the same guy.

[1517] This crazy thing happened this year.

[1518] This is an insane video to watch.

[1519] I can't show it.

[1520] People at home have might have seen this, but the puck literally flies and hits him right.

[1521] right in the face, and he barely moves.

[1522] It might as should show it again in slow motion right here.

[1523] He checked to see if his teeth got knocked out.

[1524] Oh, man. Wow.

[1525] He got pucked right in the mug.

[1526] Yeah.

[1527] Bro, that is hard.

[1528] Wow, that guy can take it.

[1529] Fuck hitting that, dude.

[1530] Dude, do you know the fucking Bruins, and they actually dropped game one last night against the blues, but the Bruins are set to win the Stanley Cup, which means Boston will win the fucking Super Bowl, the World Series, and the Stanley Cup.

[1531] in one year.

[1532] And remember when we lived there?

[1533] They couldn't win shit.

[1534] It was like they had such an inferiority complex.

[1535] And they would get close.

[1536] Like the Celtics were good.

[1537] They had Larry Bird and Danny Angel.

[1538] But now they have it forever.

[1539] Because like when was the last time the Yankees won the World Series?

[1540] How long ago was that?

[1541] Jeez.

[1542] 2008?

[1543] So it's been 11 years.

[1544] I know.

[1545] I could be way off on that.

[1546] But they still have it.

[1547] They're still the Yankees.

[1548] You know what I mean?

[1549] But for the Red Sox, they had never pulled it off.

[1550] and then that Bill Buckner thing, Bill Buckner just died, by the long.

[1551] So sad.

[1552] And that's the thing about being in Boston, because I grew up a Mets fan, we had season tickets to the Mets since I was a little kid.

[1553] And so when they got into the World Series and I was going to school in Boston, surrounded by massholes watching these fucking games, and they're just, I'm sorry, if you're from Boston, take it the fuck easy about your sports.

[1554] They're so, like last night with the Bruins game, they booing's game.

[1555] They introduced the blues.

[1556] They boo every fucking player.

[1557] It's just, it's barbaric.

[1558] They're animals.

[1559] So then fucking Buckner, who's this storied, amazing player, who's a journeyman.

[1560] He's been out there forever.

[1561] They put him at first base.

[1562] He used to be an outfielder, but he slowed down.

[1563] I think he had bad legs or something.

[1564] So they put him at first base.

[1565] He gets a fucking ball hit to him.

[1566] It took a bad hop.

[1567] Watch the video.

[1568] It took a bad hop.

[1569] And he missed it.

[1570] And they fucking, there were death threats.

[1571] They dropped him that year.

[1572] He went down to Pawtucket in Rhode Island to play in the minors.

[1573] They showed up there and fucking terrorized him.

[1574] He had to move out to like Arizona to hide.

[1575] Jesus Christ.

[1576] Because of these fucking Boston fans.

[1577] I remember people walking the streets.

[1578] What year was that?

[1579] 84?

[1580] I remember people walking the streets.

[1581] They'd just be walking around the neighborhood with their hands in their hair.

[1582] Like, fuck.

[1583] After they lost.

[1584] Fuck.

[1585] Yeah.

[1586] Just walk in the streets.

[1587] Yeah.

[1588] Yeah.

[1589] People were so mad.

[1590] It was all anybody wanted to talk about.

[1591] Right.

[1592] Because they hadn't won a World Series since 2017 or something?

[1593] Oh, it was crazy.

[1594] I mean 2019, 17.

[1595] Yeah, 1917.

[1596] I was already over baseball at that point.

[1597] I wasn't interested in baseball anymore.

[1598] So for me, it was really fascinating to watch.

[1599] Yeah.

[1600] Watch these people because I had gone from caring about baseball to being obsessed with martial arts.

[1601] And that was in the trend, like, I got obsessed with martial arts in like 81.

[1602] So by the time 86 rolled around I was like, what the fuck are you people paying attention to?

[1603] Some guy dropped a ball.

[1604] You're going to be okay?

[1605] Yeah.

[1606] Like, what is this?

[1607] Not only that, but that same year, I believe it was that same year.

[1608] The Mets.

[1609] That same year, the Patriots lost to the Bears in the Super Bowl.

[1610] And it was one of the biggest blowouts in Super Bowl history.

[1611] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[1612] So they were riding off of that too.

[1613] It was rough times.

[1614] Rough times for Boston.

[1615] Yeah.

[1616] I don't want to live there because I can't deal.

[1617] with the cold.

[1618] I'm too much of a pussy these days.

[1619] Yeah.

[1620] But I love those fucking animals.

[1621] Oh, Boston's the best.

[1622] I fucking love Boston.

[1623] They're different, man. Yeah, yeah.

[1624] They're different.

[1625] They're different.

[1626] Growing up there, I think, for both of us like to start, and to start our comedy careers there, I think it was insanely valuable.

[1627] Yeah.

[1628] Because they're not taking any bullshit there.

[1629] They're not taking any half -ass act that's slow and meandering and self -absorbed.

[1630] Not happening.

[1631] No. And it's still like that.

[1632] It's still like that.

[1633] I was just there.

[1634] And it's like they don't, here's what it is.

[1635] When you walk on stage in Boston, the audience doesn't automatically, by default, give you credit for being in charge.

[1636] Right.

[1637] You have to earn it every time.

[1638] Yep.

[1639] Your first joke, first joke in Boston is fucking clutch.

[1640] You got to get up there and get a laugh fast.

[1641] Yeah.

[1642] It's fucking cold there in the winter.

[1643] It makes harder people.

[1644] Yeah, that's right.

[1645] It makes people that know how to get past that fucking hump.

[1646] Yeah.

[1647] That's a three -month hump Where it sucks You remember that Yeah, it's brutal It's fucking windy Getting down to stitches On fucking Comav It's fucking freezing You're getting into the door Just trembling while you wait for the train Outdoors How about a fucking underground subway?

[1648] Outside Outside Outside No underground, fuck you Everybody's smushed together Everybody's freezing Every time the door opens Everyone's fucking freezing Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck You're getting your car in the morning to start it like fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck yeah so cold and then they also have the it's it's an immigrant city too you know they had a all the italians and the iris they all came in and they fucking fought it out over real estate where they were going to live who's going to get the union jobs and it created a very tough it's like philly or the bronx there's just cities where they had that that fighting at the turn of the century yeah and i think it's it was the magical ingredient for stand -up.

[1649] That's part of the magical ingredient.

[1650] The magical ingredient wasn't just that there was guys like Barry Crimmons and Lenny Clark and Sweeney and Donovan and Donovan and all these brilliant comedians that we saw that we were so lucky to see.

[1651] It was also that they were being, their audiences were savages.

[1652] Yeah.

[1653] So they're like, great, how about another joke?

[1654] You know, great, how about another one?

[1655] Like, they're like, keep coming.

[1656] Keep coming with the jokes.

[1657] Right.

[1658] Jokes!

[1659] Like, they want joke, joke, joke like those guys like when you'd watch like lennie clark murder a room you there was no no one's getting a break there's no breathing room yeah you're just getting pounded yeah he's just smashing you right like those guys developed in that style where people just were constantly wanting to be amused like let's go let's go with the fucking meandering yeah they they want it bang bang bang they want it with attitude they went anti -authoritarian attitude it was always like I remember Kenny Rodgerson's joke of like I remember I'm not saying I was drinking a lot But I drove into a lake Got pulled over by the Coast Guard They said I've been drinking I go I'm in a lake It was always just fuck you to authority You know Yeah everything was like So I'm doing a bump Yeah Everything was like doing lines And drinking and chaos John Tobin who runs the Laft Boston He's telling me this story He's a fucking if you ever want to hear Gavin's stories for an hour straight go to lunch with John Tobin and bring a fucking handkerchief because he's got Don Gavin stories he's talking about how Gavin who likes to drink white Russians does a late show and goes up there and repeats a joke and he walks off stage and one of the comedians goes Don you said the same joke twice up there and he goes record six imagine saying the same joke six times Oh my God How drunk are you?

[1660] You're like on death's door You're like rubbing your face on the door of death Like hello Let me in But it's also they're not giving his shit That he did at six times He didn't give a fuck He doesn't give a fuck He doesn't give a fuck Last time I saw him Still Don Gavin Has a slow down Drinking one hand Big smile on his face He's always been my favorite He's one of the greatest of all time In my opinion From what I've seen I mean he was so sharp In the 80s in the early 90s when we were around he was so sharp his punch lines would come one after the other and you didn't see him coming and they would just catch off guard little offbeat punch lines yeah yeah a little throwaways yeah like throwaway line that was like some of the funniest shit you ever heard yeah that that whole bit that he used to do about going to a salad bar oh yeah oh my god he was a murderer he goes up front they got chickpeas in the back he got the lobster giving you the finger which is so lucky man we're so lucky we got to experience that because I think it's so different out here now like where we're at now is like if comedy was an education we're hanging around with a bunch of tenured professors right in LA?

[1661] Yeah everyone's got tenure everyone's like a you know whether it's Jesselneck or you know Neil Brennan or you or what it's just a gang of headliners like a swamp of headliners but when we were doing it man it was so uncertain there was not there was not that thing where there was like this established community of like nationally touring stand -up comedians that you were around all the time you didn't have any no nobody had any tv credits nobody had any tv credits one headliner it was all about and the beauty of it was it was a total meritocracy because there were guys like you know Gavin and Sweeney, there were half a dozen guys that could draw.

[1662] And the rest of us were hired because there was a comedy night.

[1663] Somebody fucking hand -drew comedy on a sign and put it in front of a Chinese restaurant.

[1664] And you showed up and you got booked because the Booker thought you could kill.

[1665] It's all that mattered was that you could do a good job.

[1666] It's it.

[1667] Can you do it?

[1668] Not what credits you have.

[1669] Not what fucking Twitter account you have.

[1670] Once you got credits, though, then you could do the road.

[1671] That was the difference.

[1672] Yeah, to get out of Boston.

[1673] and you needed a credit.

[1674] When you're doing the road, they all wanted to know what TV show you've been on.

[1675] They all wanted to know that.

[1676] Yeah.

[1677] Have you done comedy spotlight?

[1678] What about a half -hour comedy hour?

[1679] Have you done this?

[1680] And if you had HBO special, holy shit.

[1681] Yeah.

[1682] That was the bomb diggedy.

[1683] You were headlining every club you wanted to.

[1684] You guys got an HBO special.

[1685] But back then, everyone that we knew had nothing.

[1686] I remember Bud Friedman came to town in the early 90s when it was evening at the improv, like the original strip shot stand -up comedy show that put it on the map put a and e on the map it was their first big show yeah and i remember he came to town and there was a showcase at duck soup and uh we all we all went up and then bud freeman who's fucking great guy takes us all out to dinner afterwards and sits us down and he goes goes through each of us he goes he did a great job you need a little bit more work i like that bit you did and he gets a day fitzgerald and he goes you got it you're doing the show And we were just all like, Fuck, man. Fitzgerald is one people thought, but they forgot about.

[1687] He was very funny.

[1688] Yeah, he was great.

[1689] Very funny.

[1690] Tight.

[1691] Great drinking stories.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] He's another guy that found his stage legs during Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

[1694] That's right.

[1695] There's a few of those guys.

[1696] He's like, you know, you know, they say you go to AA meetings and you end up just getting addicted to coffee.

[1697] Yeah.

[1698] I never walked out of a Dunkin' Donuts with a wildebeest on my arm.

[1699] Myam.

[1700] Myam.

[1701] Myam.

[1702] And the more Boston accent you had in Boston, the more they loved you.

[1703] Yeah.

[1704] You know?

[1705] Right.

[1706] Lenny was the only one who had legitimate credits.

[1707] Because at that time, like even in the 80s, Lenny had already been on Rodney Dangerfield special.

[1708] The HBO show.

[1709] I think when I worked with him, it was after he had been on Rodney Dangerfield.

[1710] I had Lenny on like three weeks ago, four weeks ago.

[1711] he was a fucking hilarious he's still so funny man he's all healthy now totally sober exercises but uh i opened up for him like the second time i ever got paid and i think it was after he had already been on HBO i think it was like right afterwards he was like partying with kinnison and he was in the middle of like his his run where he started got his television show out here he talked about that too about how he got ripped off his agents stole all of his money No shit.

[1712] You don't know that story?

[1713] Oh my God, I'll send you the link.

[1714] Fuck.

[1715] I don't want to repeat the story because you want to hear him say it.

[1716] There was a big scandal.

[1717] I think it was called Spotlight Agency.

[1718] I forget what the agency was.

[1719] Oh, yeah, Spotlight.

[1720] Remember they stole everybody's money?

[1721] Yeah, they stole everybody's money.

[1722] Yeah, one agent just snuck away.

[1723] Yeah, they used to book a lot of colleges and stuff.

[1724] But there's a story about how Jim McCauley, who booked the Tonight Show forever, he said it.

[1725] He'd heard about Boston, and he's like, and there's, telling him, and this is back in like maybe the mid -80s, and they're telling them about how you got to go to Boston.

[1726] All the great comics are in Boston now.

[1727] You got to, you know, talking about all the names we just said.

[1728] So he sets up a showcase at the, what was that Chinese restaurant that was like the original room?

[1729] Which one?

[1730] Calhoun?

[1731] No, way back.

[1732] Oh, the Dingho.

[1733] Dingho.

[1734] Yeah.

[1735] They set up a showcase of the dingho.

[1736] And all the guys come down, and they're in the green room.

[1737] And they're drinking.

[1738] They're doing.

[1739] blow they're cracking each other up and they all go up there and they do fucking you know local references and they're doing jokes about the boston accent and macaulay's just sitting there going what the fuck is going on here and then stephen right goes up and he does stephen right and ed they find out a couple days later nobody got it except stephen right and stephen right at that time lenny told him i i think it was lenny one of them sat stephen right down and goes Steve, you're a sweet guy You're a terrific kid This isn't for you Because he used to bomb in Boston Because he was monotone And he was doing a schick And it didn't play in Boston What he did for these guys They told him you should stop And then he got the Tonight Show They fly him out He does a set Johnny liked him so much They said can you stay another week Did another spot And in that first year He must have done Four Tonight shows And he became fucking huge you got a special out of it and they're all sitting at home going like I fucking killed that night he didn't kill yeah whoops telling them to quit that's hilarious yeah comedy had only been around for 30 years how you tell them to quit nobody who knows how to do it yet you don't imagine I'm an expert than this you gotta quit like nobody nobody could really tell you that you can never figure it out because comedy is not that different than anything else.

[1740] And that if you really put a lot of time and effort and attention to it, you get better at it.

[1741] So if you got any laughs at all, you might not be doing it the right way, but that's part of the process, right?

[1742] Yeah, I think George Carlin said, no matter how bad a comedian is, there's always one joke in his act that I go, God, I wish I wrote that joke.

[1743] And if you have that one joke, it means you're capable of writing one.

[1744] Yes.

[1745] And sometimes your life changes, and it puts you in a different space that makes you a better comedian whether it's your performance or your writing but we go and comedy is it's a you're displaying what's going on inside of you when you're on stage on some level your anger your fear whatever it is it comes out in your performance and so if something changes fundamentally in your life sometimes it's getting married sometimes your father dies whatever you see people change they get sober and they can suddenly get good yeah it can happen It's like anything else in your life You run into someone They lost 100 pounds Like what the fuck you lost 100 pounds How did you do it I just made a change I just decided I'm not doing that anymore I'm gonna live my life different And then I started riding that momentum And then here we are Right 16 months later Yeah That could happen with anything I remember Jim Norton when he started Wasn't that funny Struggled And all sudden boom Found his voice He's fucking great Yeah it's weird When someone can't find their voice right it's like there's that that uncertainty of life just like is this going to work out yeah my waste of my time then you find it yeah or not or not you know and again it's dependent also about how good are you at recognizing when you fucking up how good at you are do you gloss over mistakes or do you examine them and learn from them yeah because if you gloss over god damn it takes forever to figure it out because you got to play little games with yourself and pretend you didn't do bad.

[1746] So if you didn't do bad, you don't feel bad.

[1747] If you don't feel bad, you're not going to change.

[1748] Yeah.

[1749] Like, that's part of the reason that exists, that, that horrible feeling when you fuck something up.

[1750] Like, ugh.

[1751] That is, so that's the, the, the biological buzz.

[1752] Like, hey, fuckface, you lost.

[1753] This is bad.

[1754] Figure this out.

[1755] But if you can lie to yourself, you don't feel that buzz.

[1756] You're like, I don't know, I'm dim fine.

[1757] It was amazing.

[1758] I was really, the crowd sucked.

[1759] well that's why getting sober can can affect that change because that's ultimately what sobriety is you know if you have a problem you keep lying to yourself and you go you know I'm fine it was just last night I'm not going to do that again yeah or you can say it was that crowd and then you know you'll see them struggle in some sort of weird way but comedy is it's so ebb and flow dependent on day to day it's like talking to people you know you're talking to people you're talking to people on a day -to -day basis like the people are different day -to -day they're subtly this way or that way and when you get enough people in a fucking room and they're drinking it's weird and then maybe you're a little tired and then it comes off strange and like god that set sucked i need to get another set under my belt and then the next set you're like boy i don't want it to be like that last set so i'm going to fire the fuck up and then oh this one was good good good let me relax now just i don't have to work that hard i already had that good set oh this sets sucked yeah motherfucker and then you're like okay we're playing this game are we yeah that's the process yeah and there i never have a better set than after a bad set yeah always you're on your toes yeah i try to play a little game with myself where i pretend i just ate shit oh really before i go on state i pretend i just ate shit and it's my chance to redeem myself let's go oh yeah i play little games with myself sometimes i had last night i had uh who was sitting in the crowd oh Andy Kinler was sitting in the crowd with...

[1760] That son of a bitch.

[1761] Sorry, Andy.

[1762] I'm just kidding.

[1763] Andy and...

[1764] I love Andy.

[1765] And who the fuck else was out there?

[1766] Oh, and Harlan Williams, who are both, like, such interesting comedians that they're watching me, and you feel...

[1767] I usually don't give a fuck who's watching me, but last night it was the improv and it was like, nobody there, and I felt like I can't mail it in with a regular set.

[1768] I got to fuck around here a little bit, and I had just had a fucking great set because it made me dig in a little bit.

[1769] Yes, yes.

[1770] That's one of the really good aspects about the comedy store these days, too.

[1771] There's always people that you respect in the room.

[1772] Yeah.

[1773] There's always someone there.

[1774] You know, there's always Ron White's there.

[1775] Sebastian gave me a big compliment the other night on one of my jokes.

[1776] That felt nice.

[1777] Yeah.

[1778] Sebastian's a guy that struggled.

[1779] Struggled.

[1780] Did he?

[1781] Early on, yeah.

[1782] Oh, I didn't know that.

[1783] He had a hard time finding his voice.

[1784] and I didn't get a chance to see how good he had become and I watched him on Showtime in a hotel room in Vegas I was there for a UFC or something and I watched Sebastian at a Showtime special and I was like God damn this is good and I think I tweeted about it I either tweeted it or I emailed him I don't remember which but I was like that is fucking he's fucking good Yeah he's really good I watched him at the story the other night I mean Jesus he is bigger than life up there.

[1785] He just dominates the room.

[1786] It's very good.

[1787] And it took a while.

[1788] It took a while for him to find that thing.

[1789] And it happened while I was not around the comedy store.

[1790] I really didn't get a chance to see his sets.

[1791] So before he was funny, he was funny, but he would have good sets and bad sets.

[1792] He was kind of struggling a little bit.

[1793] But then he found it.

[1794] Yeah.

[1795] Just took his time, worked hard, always hustled.

[1796] Found it.

[1797] Dude, Jesselnik's last special was so fucking good.

[1798] He's so good.

[1799] I mean, it's like, I've always liked him.

[1800] I've always enjoyed why.

[1801] And I don't watch people's whole hour rarely, but I've always watched his whole hours.

[1802] His writing is just so, like, intensely, he's a craftsman.

[1803] He works hard.

[1804] Oh, there it is.

[1805] 2013.

[1806] Dude, Carty's special in the hotel room and laugh my ass off.

[1807] Let's podcast, you sexy bitch.

[1808] Yeah, that was, so that was 2013.

[1809] I had been still out of the store.

[1810] I'd been out of the store for, like, at that point.

[1811] shit that was six years I hadn't been in the store in six years special was excellent I just love guys like him and Harland's one of those guys too that their comedy is very specific to them like Brody was a great example of that Brody's comedy so specific to Brody like if you say 818 till I die like why is that funny but to you and out you like you immediately got a smile, thinking about Brody's saying it.

[1812] His comedy was so specific to him.

[1813] I was a male model in Pakistan.

[1814] I was on the cover of Camel Beat.

[1815] He was so funny.

[1816] We would ask him to do those jokes to him.

[1817] Please do the male model joke.

[1818] You'd yell out to him.

[1819] Brody, did you ever do any modeling?

[1820] Funny ask.

[1821] Rogan, supportive.

[1822] I go, Brody.

[1823] How did you get to the store tonight?

[1824] La Sienega North took it to San Vicente.

[1825] He would just say names of roads in L .A. for five minutes.

[1826] And it was funny for whatever reason.

[1827] God, I missed that guy.

[1828] He was like, to me, it was always like he was trying to make people laugh and he was also trying to blow himself up.

[1829] He was trying to fill himself up.

[1830] Yeah.

[1831] He was like, he was doing self -affirmations with his comedy.

[1832] He wasn't boasting.

[1833] He was trying to.

[1834] convince himself that he was good enough to be up there forever in my office i had a photo a laminated photo that said office depot employee of the month and it was brodie and he took this photo it was like what he was using as a headshot that's great and i kept it just to give you a smile while i was riding i put it up on my little cork board see if you can find that man i needed to get another one of those i don't know what the fuck happened to it when he died i've never seen I don't think I've ever seen a turn out for a comedian dying.

[1835] Is that it?

[1836] The way his memorial was.

[1837] That's exactly.

[1838] That was laminated in my office.

[1839] Please do me a favor and print that up.

[1840] Let's get that turned into another one that I put in my office.

[1841] Somewhere in the move from this studio, from the old studio, the studio, I lost it.

[1842] But I always had that in my office.

[1843] So just to look at, just just because Brody was just so Brody Yeah he was just open raw And he you know He was one of those guys where you really have to be there You have to see him Yeah Like it's he's not He doesn't translate No one translates a hundred That's a dirty little secret about comedy specials You don't translate 100 % of what you're experiencing when you're in that room That's why your writing has to be even sharper And your act outs have to be even sharper everything has to be tightened down because you're not experiencing the physical presence of all the audience members and the comedian all in this room together because it's an intangible right so if like going to see you live at the wilber theater if that's 100 % watching you on Netflix is like 80 % yeah the take away all the other people there's no other people there it's just you you can pretend they're there but they're not there so you don't have that feeling of being in a public place with a bunch of other people which lights you up and then you don't have the comic that you came to see right in front of you.

[1844] You don't have that.

[1845] You don't have the air.

[1846] You're all sharing the same air.

[1847] You're all in the room together.

[1848] You feel each other in some sort of a weird way.

[1849] So it's like 20 % of every show.

[1850] But with pretty...

[1851] There's also the momentum of like if you come to a comedy show you're surrounded by people that have an agenda to laugh.

[1852] They got a babysitter, they paid money, they sat down, they are motivated to laugh.

[1853] And so now you're sort of, surrounded by if you're the Wilbur Theater, you've got a thousand people that all have that energy together.

[1854] You're sitting in your underwear under a blanket on a couch watching a show.

[1855] Yeah, it's 80 % though, for the most part.

[1856] Yeah.

[1857] Maybe, it might be in the 70s, 79%.

[1858] What's the best stand -up comedy special of all time in your mind?

[1859] They're error dependent.

[1860] The thing about them is none of them really last.

[1861] They're not, it's comedy is one of the most, uh, rapidly depreciating art forms in the culture in terms of its staying power try and watch a movie we loved in the 80s try to watch a comedy movie I know I try to with my kids all the time and they look at me and they go why are you showing me garbage?

[1862] a few of them stand up Blues Brothers Sure Yeah but does it really it stands up because it's a classic but if it came out today would it be that much of a classic Probably not Probably not things change they evolve in comedy they evolve rapidly and they're unforgiving like I always say Lenny Bruce who I think is the main guy that started this whole thing he started it I mean there was other guys that were kind of doing it you know there's Mort Saul there's a few guys who were doing you know some similar stuff I'm sure that didn't become famous but as far as guys that became famous at that time who were genuinely regarded almost universally as being brilliant comedians Lenny Bruce was the Mac Daddy like he was a guy who did all the television shows he did all those shows and they wanted him to come on and he was brilliant and he would go on there with great material and it was clean and then he morphed you know he just kept expanding and morphing and he got more into drugs and just started just at the end of his career was really losing his fucking mind it was just fighting these obscenity cases yeah and he was taught going on stage there's videos of him you could watch videos of him of that you could buy that I bought VHS and desk tapes up back in the day where he would read the transcripts of his trial on stage and people would like tell jokes yeah come on where's the fucking jokes like in the end he just completely went off the rails right but his his steps I think were the first steps of modern stand -up comedy so anything he did was the greatest thing of all time back then and you watch it now and it doesn't hold up it does not hold up at all at all no neither does a lot of other prior holds up Pryor holds up Yeah, prior holds up Hicks holds up But in a weird way Hicks holds up in a way Where you're realizing Like wow, this guy was doing some shit That no one else was doing back then Like young man on acid Realized that life is just You know the whole bit that he does About positive stories in the news I don't remember exactly how the bit works But it's hilarious bit Like that's a brilliant bit Yeah Well crafted bit He had a lot of those Old people should do stunts in movies Yes yeah that was yeah i mean he had some great shit man they were great bits he was a different guy what he did is he like made people um in the audience think about ideas that you probably wouldn't have thought about if not for his act and he challenged you to be smarter like though there was part of that one of the things that hicks was doing it's like he was he's like kinnison went this way right kinnison was like ronald regger's the fucking president who we're going to kick he went but he was also smart and he had great points like the only reason why that bit about the african people that were starving to death that bit about those late -night television shows which is one of his darkest bits ever and one of his best bits but this it it worked because he was smart because he had points that were irrefutable it wasn't just these african kids starving in death let me tell you what's funny about that nothing's funny about that it was him saying, why don't you feed him?

[1863] You're right there.

[1864] And then he would have these kind of bits that were fucked up, but they were so well -crafted.

[1865] You're like, Jesus, this guy.

[1866] This is so good.

[1867] And so for then, he was the greatest of all time.

[1868] When Kiddison came along, man, he was a motherfucker.

[1869] No one had ever seen anything like that before.

[1870] Yeah, I remember how much you were affected by him.

[1871] You and Mike McDonald, he was fucking...

[1872] Mike McCarthy.

[1873] Mike McCarthy.

[1874] Yeah, comedy barbarian Yeah Yeah, we both were huge Kinnison fans He couldn't He just made me think Oh, that's comedy too I didn't know you could do that That's a different thing This guy's screaming I was married twice And he was fat And he had a beret on It had an overcoat He would come into the stern show Drunk after being up all night And do without a doubt The best stern appearances of all time Animal You know his story too right He's a preacher, right?

[1875] You know what flipped him, though?

[1876] What?

[1877] Head injury, hit by a car.

[1878] No shit.

[1879] Yep, him and Roseanne, both the same story.

[1880] Wow.

[1881] Yep.

[1882] There's something about traumatic brain injuries that lead to a lot of people being extremely impulsive, and they wind up doing a lot of wild shit.

[1883] Dude, T .J. Miller.

[1884] They can't control themselves.

[1885] Yeah?

[1886] He had some kind of a brain thing happened to him, and he needed, he got treated for it, and he recovered, but that's when he started acting kind of a. It happens.

[1887] People get irrational and you get impulsive.

[1888] It happens with ex -football players, ex -fighters.

[1889] Right.

[1890] But that's what happened to Sam.

[1891] He got hit by a car.

[1892] His brother wrote a book about it called Brother Sam, his brother Bill.

[1893] And that's one of the things he talks about.

[1894] Like Sam was like this normal kid, gets hit by a fucking car.

[1895] And then all of a sudden he's just wild man, like the wild demon, no control.

[1896] Just didn't give a fuck.

[1897] Right.

[1898] You know?

[1899] him.

[1900] That's a guy that I wish I met.

[1901] I'm like, fuck.

[1902] God damn, I would have loved, I really wanted to meet that guy.

[1903] We met Hicks, though.

[1904] We did meet Hicks.

[1905] Yeah, we saw him.

[1906] We saw him.

[1907] We were in the room with him.

[1908] We didn't hang out with him.

[1909] We said hi to him in the green room.

[1910] That was about it.

[1911] Hi.

[1912] Hi.

[1913] Hi.

[1914] I always think of that when like a young comic comes in the green room to say hi to me. I always think, fucking be nice to this kid because this means more to him than you can imagine.

[1915] Fuck yeah.

[1916] Just the fact that Hicks acknowledged I was alive.

[1917] Yeah.

[1918] I know.

[1919] Yeah, we got an amazing comedy education, my friend.

[1920] Yeah.

[1921] It's so lucky to have a job where you could say what you want to, and you don't have to worry, like that poor LPGA guy, poor golf guy, get suspended.

[1922] Well, especially now because, like, it really, TV doesn't matter.

[1923] Being banned from TV doesn't end your career anymore.

[1924] No. You know, look at fucking Jim Jeffries says some shit that's fucking crazy.

[1925] he says his whole bit about rape that's like I couldn't believe they it was on serious XM radio the other day and like you know his show got canceled he's got another fucking show but without those it doesn't matter you get you get your shit up on the internet you do a podcast you tour you don't ever have to do the tonight show again you don't have to do you know yeah there was only a few avenues back then yeah now it's infinite it's to be good yeah you just have to be interesting or not Not even, man. I mean, there's a lot of fucking people that just do makeup tutorials and they make millions.

[1926] The world's crazy.

[1927] I don't think that it's supposed to be fair.

[1928] Like all those guys back in Boston, hey, what the fuck?

[1929] I killed that night.

[1930] Same thing.

[1931] I don't think this world's supposed to be fair.

[1932] This thing is not, this thing, no one knows what the fuck is going on.

[1933] This kid is making $30 million reviewing toys on YouTube.

[1934] Yep.

[1935] That's just how it is.

[1936] Because he loves toys and that's what he started doing.

[1937] What do you love?

[1938] Do it.

[1939] Just that's how it is.

[1940] Like, you're getting upset about that.

[1941] It doesn't help anybody.

[1942] Yeah.

[1943] Yeah, the kid makes $30 million reviewing toys Go figure it out Figure your thing out Yeah Don't get them mad at the kid Fuck that kid I got money I just want one million a year That's all I'm want from you Come on kid You could give it to me You're not even to use it You're seven I was a veteran You got some veteran Reviewing toys online Got 12 This toy is for good little queers This fucking doll This little doll This little doll This fucking soul You never saw the shit.

[1944] I saw the shit.

[1945] Yeah, this is this fake G .I. Joe bullshit fucking soldier.

[1946] Yeah, what is the next thing?

[1947] Like, it's not veterans reviewing toys.

[1948] It's not going to be that.

[1949] But what would be the next thing?

[1950] The next thing.

[1951] So.

[1952] I think it's got to be, it's got to be something that, that, like, let's people interact more.

[1953] That's what people are looking for.

[1954] I mean, you got social apps, but how do you take a social app and make it something that you sit down and watch every day as programming?

[1955] Right.

[1956] How do you do that?

[1957] What's the clip show or what's the who's the host that can take social media and do like what TalkSoup did with video clip with cable TV shows?

[1958] Yeah.

[1959] How do you capture social media and present it to people?

[1960] in a way that is more linear.

[1961] Well, the thing is, like, everybody's sort of agreeing that social media is insanely addictive and that people are sort of in denial about it.

[1962] Most people have a real issue with it.

[1963] Yeah.

[1964] Most people that I know are addicted to their phones.

[1965] They're stare at their phones all day.

[1966] They can't help it.

[1967] They're drawn to the next text message.

[1968] They want the next tweet, whatever it is.

[1969] Yeah.

[1970] They want to see that next Facebook post, that Instagram post.

[1971] They're addicted to it.

[1972] And what we're doing is making it more addictive.

[1973] They're making it better, right?

[1974] Everything keeps getting better.

[1975] The cameras keep getting better.

[1976] The apps are better.

[1977] The algorithms, they figure out how long it should take to reload and to move to another page and when to present the next graphic.

[1978] All that stuff is the same guys have figured out how slot machines should work in Vegas to keep you putting quarters into them.

[1979] They figure out how often you need to win and how loud the bells should be.

[1980] And then they extract your data.

[1981] Right.

[1982] And then they sell that data.

[1983] And then they make infinite amounts of money and they want to keep you on the tit.

[1984] And so they're going to keep that tit juicy with all kinds of new stuff.

[1985] What about these anti -vaxxers?

[1986] They're moving into your neighborhood.

[1987] What?

[1988] Fuck they are!

[1989] Next thing you know, you're embroiled in a Facebook anti -vax debate that keeps you.

[1990] up in the middle of the night.

[1991] You go back to check the post.

[1992] What the fuck did he write?

[1993] Oh!

[1994] I was going to go to sleep and now I'm going to let him know.

[1995] I'm going to keep a piece of my mind.

[1996] How many people are just ready to blow their fucking brains out, standing in front of the computer at night and arguments with people on Facebook?

[1997] Yeah.

[1998] First of all, that is one of the worst ways to communicate.

[1999] I understand that it's a really effective way to communicate, but just text messages, just text, just writing things back.

[2000] It's like one of the crudest ways that we know.

[2001] You might as well send a raven Yeah Really Right Wrap a fucking A piece of paper Around that raven's foot And send it And I'll read it When I'm okay This is what he means Yeah Like we could talk to each other now We should limit the amount Of texting we do I really think that Well what about video texts Yeah I haven't seen much of that A lot of people Hey Joe what's happening man Give me a call later Send That's because you're white Yesterday Wiz Khalifa was here And he was saying That everybody FaceTime's now Oh yeah And I know this for a fact because I was taking a shit when Killer Mike FaceTime to me. So he is also a member of that prestigious community.

[2002] And yeah, they're fucking, they're FaceTime each other now, which I'm for.

[2003] Yeah, that's great.

[2004] That's better.

[2005] That's better.

[2006] That's better.

[2007] That's connecting everybody.

[2008] That's better.

[2009] No, you called me on the phone yesterday.

[2010] Yes.

[2011] And you were like, that's it.

[2012] I'm done with texting.

[2013] I'm only calling it.

[2014] And I was like, that's what fucking Joey Diaz does.

[2015] I'm doing that now.

[2016] Joey gets offended and almost angry if you email them.

[2017] I mean, I'll text people details for things and addresses and stuff like that.

[2018] but if it's somebody I like, I like, I mean, I'm going to talk to them.

[2019] Yeah.

[2020] And there's other thing that's happened when you keep in touch with people with text, you realize how rarely you talk to them on the phone, you know, and there's a few of my friends that I hardly ever see.

[2021] So I've been trying to make time for, like, dinner plans, go to hang out with, you know, friends.

[2022] Right.

[2023] And just, just instead of just always working.

[2024] Yeah.

[2025] So like I'm always, every, like, plan that I make in terms of what I do with my time, either family related or work related.

[2026] And I feel like I've got to, I've got to like reach out to friends more in like a one -on -one face -to -face sort of way.

[2027] It was just this comprehensive study that started in the 1930s by Harvard University about what causes happiness.

[2028] And the number one thing was friendship.

[2029] Yeah.

[2030] People talk about family.

[2031] They talk about work.

[2032] And you overlook community.

[2033] You know, friendship means it's almost like, like sometimes I feel like I really love my wife.

[2034] I got so fucking lucky.

[2035] She, I hear her voice and I get happy.

[2036] When she walks in the door, I jump up, I want to talk to her.

[2037] But to the point where on a Saturday night, we just go out to dinner.

[2038] We just go do something.

[2039] During the day, we just hang out.

[2040] And sometimes I think I should be spending more time with friends, you know, especially since then I can talk shit about her.

[2041] There you go.

[2042] It's a good call.

[2043] But, you know, it really is like, you know, you don't carve out that time.

[2044] And this study said that gratitude and friendship are the two main things for happiness.

[2045] Well, it's great that you're married to your friend.

[2046] That's beautiful too.

[2047] Right.

[2048] You know, when you have friends, when you have people that you can confide in and talk to, you have different perspectives, different points of view.

[2049] I mean, it's always best if it's in your house.

[2050] Like if it's your wife, it would be amazing, you know.

[2051] I'm very, very pro getting your shit together in terms of.

[2052] of like the way you run a relationship, right?

[2053] Like, how nice are you?

[2054] How well do you guys get along?

[2055] And I think it should extend not just to your, like, your spouse, but also to, like, all your friends.

[2056] Like, how nice are you to your friends?

[2057] Like, how little bullshit do you give them?

[2058] How much compliments do you give them?

[2059] How much, how objective are you with the way you guys interact with each other?

[2060] How often do you tell them that you, yeah?

[2061] care about them.

[2062] Yeah, how often you take them for granted.

[2063] I think I'm a very pro analysis.

[2064] And I think all of us could, we could do well to analyze, like, how we interface with each other.

[2065] Because I think most problems that people have, it's like one thing happens, then this thing happens and that thing happens.

[2066] But if the first thing didn't happen, would the second thing have happened?

[2067] If the first slight didn't happen, if the first way you greeted someone, it was with a big smile and a handshake, and maybe it would have rolled, the whole conversation would have rolled in a totally different way and then afterwards someone said hey I thought you were mad at Greg you know what I was but the way he came over and shook my hand and smiled at me I'm like who cares what am I worried about whereas if you came over with an attitude oh this fucking guy and then he's like oh that fucking guy hasn't dropped it yet yeah we're still we're still arguing about the stupid fucking thing you know I'm right no you know it's half of it is the way we interact with each other right male female boy boy whatever the fuck it's just human beings half of the way human beings like the way things go half of it is how we interact with each other Yeah the energy like I go to the comedy store sometimes And if I show up and like I show up three minutes before my spot And then I parked the car and I'm walking in And somebody I like will say hi to me You know I'll see You know Dove Davidoff or somebody I haven't seen in a while and he says what's up And I kind of brush past him because I'm late That fucks up the relationship Because that person feels like Oh I thought I meant a lot lot to that guy.

[2068] So it's like, I got to show up early and be, and think before I walk in, be available to people because, you know, it is, you're right.

[2069] It can be very subtle.

[2070] How you shake someone's hand, how you like don't hug them or hug them.

[2071] Yep.

[2072] A friend of mine goes the other day, we played beach volleyball on Sundays.

[2073] That's my big social thing.

[2074] 15 years I've been playing with the same guys.

[2075] No shit.

[2076] Yeah.

[2077] That's great exercise too.

[2078] It's great.

[2079] And we call ourselves the shirts because we're the.

[2080] only guys on the beach playing with our shirts on and we're fucking terrible we never get any better and uh and so um so we we go out and i i hug i showed up and i hugged everybody and then this one guy evan goes to me he goes uh you know i don't think you should hug everybody all the time i think a hug should be like for a special moment so it actually means something and i go you have intimacy problems and don't fucking put them on me i'll hug i won't hug you, but I'm fucking hugging everybody else.

[2081] I love it.

[2082] I love a moment where I can hug somebody.

[2083] The comedy store should be called the hug festival.

[2084] Yeah, right.

[2085] That place is all about hugs.

[2086] Everyone's always hugging everybody.

[2087] Yeah.

[2088] You know, the more people that you can have like that in your life, more people that you want to hug, the better off you are.

[2089] Yeah.

[2090] That's, you know, a community of people that you actually care about.

[2091] I hug the shit out of my kids.

[2092] Yeah.

[2093] It bums me out when people don't like to.

[2094] Yeah.

[2095] It bums me out when people don't like to hug their kids.

[2096] kids it's a bummer it's a real bummer you know when you know someone who doesn't like being a parent it's it's rough yeah because you know you you know that that feeling it's it's all i mean it's it's one of the things about having children do you realize it's all about trying to foster love it's all about that it's all about you want them to be loving people to meet other loving people it's like this is possible this is possible if this family can get along and we all love each other and care about each other so much?

[2097] Why can't the human race?

[2098] Why can't all these people get along better?

[2099] Why can't they?

[2100] They can in the ideal circumstances.

[2101] You're under ideal circumstances and most people aren't.

[2102] Well, it's fear.

[2103] I think that that's what keeps people from being vulnerable.

[2104] Yeah.

[2105] And hugging and expressing how they feel about each other and supporting like unconditional.

[2106] Unconditional love is getting rid of the fear.

[2107] You can't be afraid that this love is going to turn on you and this person's going to hurt you right and you have to have had that happen a few times so you're like well I know what that is yeah I must have been annoying right yeah listen analysis it's part of the problem yeah we're all part of the problem yeah man it's um I think it's an interesting time for people to communicate though I don't think anybody has ever really gotten to the bottom of things in later you I mean, in the past, the way people are trying to get to the bottom of things now.

[2108] There's a lot of noise.

[2109] What do you mean emotionally?

[2110] I think emotionally, the way we communicate with each other, even the way people are examining government and examining foreign policy and examining the office of the president and examining voting and the electoral process.

[2111] There's things that people are analyzing now and looking at that.

[2112] I think because of all the chaos of the Internet, we kind of lose sight of all the crazy shit that it's doing like it's doing so many different things and changing things so much that it's it's rewiring the way people are looking at the world itself yeah and that's why all these fucking drugs are getting legalized the giant part of why psilocybin is getting legalized now it's decriminalized in denver marijuana's being decriminalized left and right it's because people here people like you and me and anyone else that has a brain that understands about drug laws, hear them talking about it.

[2113] And you can't lock people up for mushrooms and you should take them.

[2114] You should fucking take them.

[2115] They'll probably fix your brain.

[2116] They'll probably give you a new perspective and make you realize you were being a dick.

[2117] It's half of what's wrong with us.

[2118] We're just worried about how we interface with each other and we get off on the wrong foot.

[2119] So you're saying the internet is giving people insights and information that's changing the way we live?

[2120] I think so for sure.

[2121] I think the access to information because the stream is so large, so much nonsense comes through it that you lose perspective of all the positive change is taking place because of the Internet.

[2122] All these drug legalization things I don't think would ever be possible without all of the information that's been distributed online, whether it's through videos or through people talking about it or podcasts or comedy routines or just facts with facts -based news organizations, start putting it.

[2123] Here's the real facts about marijuana and, you know, and fatalities.

[2124] And this is, these are the real facts about where the money's going, how it's going right now to fund cartels, and how this is crazy.

[2125] Because we're literally creating an organized crime empire because we're making something that everybody wants.

[2126] Yeah.

[2127] All that stuff is available now.

[2128] You can't squash it with prostitution, what we were just talking about.

[2129] Yes, that's another one.

[2130] You can't squash it with propaganda.

[2131] Yeah.

[2132] Like they could, they could just kind of decide what narrative gets played out in the newspapers.

[2133] Right.

[2134] You can't do that anymore.

[2135] Well, did you read that article I sent you about stories versus facts?

[2136] Yes, I did.

[2137] And that's the Noah, Yuval Harati.

[2138] Right.

[2139] Yes.

[2140] The guy that wrote Sapiens.

[2141] And it basically says that, you know, stories trump facts.

[2142] And that basically we are a culture, the human, the human species, has always believed the myth, whether it's religion or whether it's a political dogma, that we are more apt to ignore facts that don't.

[2143] support a story, because telling facts, being factual, is difficult because sometimes that fact doesn't jive with what you thought was true, and now you have to rectify that, and that's hard.

[2144] And so it's easy for us to just say, you know, we're all, Jesus came, and when we die, our sins will be forgiven, and we're supposed to do this, and then if facts come up to negate how long ago man, you know, all the, all the things we know from archaeology, that negate everything that's in the Bible, then the story, you still have 60 % of our country doesn't believe that they think the planet is 6 ,000 years old.

[2145] I think it's 46%.

[2146] Yeah.

[2147] Yeah.

[2148] 46 % of the country thinks that.

[2149] But they only think of it in terms of they won't denounce the Bible.

[2150] Do they really?

[2151] I mean, if you had a gun to their head, do they really think that?

[2152] I don't think it's that high.

[2153] I think it's a lot of horseshit.

[2154] I think there's a lot of people that say, if that's what the Bible, says.

[2155] Is that what the Bible says?

[2156] That's the Bible says.

[2157] I want to believe the story.

[2158] What did you tell him, Bert?

[2159] I told him, that's what the Bible says, Mama.

[2160] Good boy.

[2161] There's a lot of that.

[2162] Right.

[2163] And then he's with his friends.

[2164] And he cracks open a beer.

[2165] And he's like, what the fuck does my mama know about how old the fucking Earth is?

[2166] Yeah, there's a lot of people that go.

[2167] She barely knows how old she is.

[2168] Now, a lot of people go to church on Sunday because culturally that's what you do.

[2169] Yeah.

[2170] It doesn't mean they subscribe to all that stuff.

[2171] But then you got, you know, every four years the government puts out an environmental study.

[2172] that is done by, I think, 12 different departments in the government, and it's considered the quintessential update on where the environment is internationally.

[2173] And that came out in November, and it was damning about pollutants.

[2174] And the administration put it out on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, at 3 o 'clock in the morning, and they buried it.

[2175] And in it is everything about global warming you ever needed to know.

[2176] and they're no longer calling it global warming.

[2177] They're no longer calling it's no longer fossil fuel.

[2178] It's freedom.

[2179] What is the new thing they're calling it?

[2180] Freedom juice.

[2181] Something like that.

[2182] Jesus come?

[2183] They're literally changing the name of fossil fuels.

[2184] This is the Trump administration?

[2185] Yeah.

[2186] Natural gas is being rebranded to freedom gas.

[2187] Wow.

[2188] this is like some team America world police type shit and it's like people that want to deny global warming it's like the facts are there in unrefutable I don't think anybody's denying that the planet's warming right I think they're denying how much of an impact human beings have and whether or not it's worth changing the way we do in industry yeah and whether or not we're need to impose more restrictions on on exhaust fumes and I mean, factories, how much, you ever drive by a factory?

[2189] You see that pillowing smoke in the air?

[2190] You're like, how the fuck are we allowing that?

[2191] Yeah.

[2192] Like, there's places to this day where you drive there and you go, oh, this group gets to pollute the air that the babies breathe.

[2193] Yeah.

[2194] They do for this business, whatever the fuck they're doing.

[2195] What are they making tires?

[2196] They get to pollute the air.

[2197] Yeah.

[2198] I mean, what is the worst polluter?

[2199] Like, when you drive by a factory and you see the black smoke shooting in the sky, like, what the fuck?

[2200] fuck are they doing?

[2201] Dude, cruise ships.

[2202] I think I read there the number one polluter.

[2203] We did a thing where we were trying to figure out was it with who was it with?

[2204] Someone was explaining how much devastation cruise ships do in terms of the amount of fuel that they burn and the impact that they have and the fact, oh, it was Valentin Thomas, was it her?

[2205] They were talking about like each cruise ship, like how much actual fuel they burn off, it's preposterous.

[2206] I think I read they're the biggest burners of fossil fuels in the world.

[2207] It's a giant fucking metal thing in the water.

[2208] Yeah.

[2209] You ever try to push a fucking rowboat?

[2210] It's a lot of work.

[2211] It's a lot of work.

[2212] How, what assholes are people where they built something like the Titanic?

[2213] Like, just what kind of an asshole says, not only am I going to make it out of metal?

[2214] Like, can we just use a bunch of small boats and get people?

[2215] Nope, nope, nope, Nope, nope, nope, I'm going to make the biggest, biggest boat ever.

[2216] And when I write on it, even God can't sink it.

[2217] I mean...

[2218] I'm Noah.

[2219] Imagine what an asshole you have to be to write.

[2220] Even God can't sink it.

[2221] Yeah.

[2222] On the side of the boat.

[2223] Oh, is that what they wrote?

[2224] Yes.

[2225] Oh, that's hilarious.

[2226] Wasn't that?

[2227] That's a fact, right?

[2228] God, that better not be an urban myth.

[2229] I think it's said on the side of the Titanic, even God can't sink it.

[2230] Yeah.

[2231] Yeah.

[2232] they weren't one of these people to be excited and they're going nowhere cruise ship just going nowhere well it was something to do back then man yeah imagine living back then oh no air conditioning oh that was uh no tv yeah what year was that titanic 1920s yeah the roaring the remaking one and setting out Titanic 2 is gonna go on the same did it say what I think it said that's a quote someone said an employee I don't know if it was written on Oh, I thought it was written on it.

[2233] 1911.

[2234] Oh, it's a launch coat?

[2235] It was 1911?

[2236] Quote, rather.

[2237] 1911.

[2238] Yeah, fuck living then.

[2239] It's more than 100 years ago.

[2240] What kind of cave people were they back then?

[2241] We were.

[2242] I said, what kind of cave people were they back then?

[2243] Yeah.

[2244] Didn't you have x -ray machines?

[2245] How the fuck do they sit your broken leg?

[2246] What'd they do?

[2247] Yeah.

[2248] What they do?

[2249] This is the thing on the cruise ships.

[2250] It's a video about how much they pollute.

[2251] Whoa.

[2252] One ship, watch a cruise ship pollute as much as 13 million cars in one day is what this video is called.

[2253] Wow.

[2254] No shit.

[2255] Whoa.

[2256] They've just gotten so much bigger over two over time.

[2257] Holy shit.

[2258] 19 million cars.

[2259] Well, let's just ban cruise ships.

[2260] Wow.

[2261] Trump.

[2262] Does there a Trump cruise ship?

[2263] Why doesn't he have a cruise ship?

[2264] Only because he hasn't thought of it yet.

[2265] He's going to hear this podcast.

[2266] Let's wrap this up because I've got to pee really bad.

[2267] Gregory, you'll be with me tonight at the improv.

[2268] Can't wait.

[2269] Good times with Monty Franklin, Ali McCroftsky.

[2270] You got some dates?

[2271] Got some dates coming up, people.

[2272] I'm going to be in lovely Atlanta at the punchline June 6th through the 8th.

[2273] It's back.

[2274] It's back.

[2275] It's in a different location.

[2276] How is it?

[2277] It's great.

[2278] It's more intimate.

[2279] Ooh.

[2280] Nice.

[2281] And then I'll be in Tampa at side splitters on June 13th to the 15th.

[2282] And then I will be in Buffalo, New York at Helium Comedy Club in June 27th through the 29th.

[2283] Go to fitzdog .com for tickets.

[2284] The podcast is Fitzdog Radio.

[2285] And then Childish is my other podcast with Allison Rosen.

[2286] How fucking professional is he?

[2287] It's like you do it for a living.

[2288] Oh, wait.

[2289] All right.

[2290] Bye, everybody.

[2291] How long was that?