#101 - Adam Carolla (Part 2)

[0] It's like there's a whole network of them, you know.

[1] I've done Doug Bensons and Duncan Trussles, and Duncan will be on the show tomorrow at 3 o 'clock, you know, and did Mark Marins, and I'm going to do Eddie Fiff and Jim Jeffries.

[2] It's like doing all these podcasts.

[3] It's like, you know, it's like there's this cool network of radio stations that's happening organically, you know, instead of like Bubba the Love Spunge and, you know, the Farrell show all being, you know, stuffed into one thing by a corporation.

[4] Like everybody's kind of found themselves and become like this, network sort of organically.

[5] You know, it's cool.

[6] You know, like fans of one will hear about the other, you know, like Duncan Trussell got some fans when, you know, he came and did this podcast and came and did his and, you know, we, you know, share each other's listeners and stuff.

[7] It's really a fucking, a very unique thing, you know, this podcast thing.

[8] And as we said, it probably wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Adam, you know.

[9] Him and also Anthony Coomia from Opian Anthony, because Anthony was doing that live from the compound thing.

[10] And Tom Green.

[11] And Tom Green, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[12] Yeah, yeah, can't forget Tom Green.

[13] Yeah, Tom Green doing his show on Tom Green .com, which I don't think he does anymore.

[14] Yeah, I'm not really sure what he does anymore.

[15] I think he went to some kind of subscription -based things, so I kind of, I don't know.

[16] Did you hear, or completely getting off subject?

[17] Did you hear what happened in Afghanistan?

[18] What?

[19] The Taliban escaping out of the prison?

[20] No, what happened?

[21] Dude, some guy tweeted me this thing, and the guy who tweeted it, it was really funny.

[22] He said, and refra, what was his exact quote?

[23] I don't want to fuck up this guy's quote because it was such a funny situation.

[24] They dug 450 Taliban fighters escaped out of, here is what he wrote.

[25] He wrote, 450 plus prisoners break out of jail by digging a hole in the ground and homage to Bugs Bunny and raising Arizona.

[26] The guy's name is Gary with two R's, whoever.

[27] And so I retweeted it.

[28] and then I read the link, and it is pretty fucking fascinating.

[29] These guys dug a hole in the ground like a fucking movie and went under the prison and got all the guys out of prison.

[30] Wow.

[31] Did they catch them?

[32] No, no. I mean, not yet, but I mean, just the whole thing in Afghanistan is, I mean, who's the fucking bad guy over there?

[33] They didn't escape.

[34] They were all murdered.

[35] These fucking guys are running around with sandals on in the mountains, and, you know, we got drones flying overhead, taking pictures of them, shooting missiles, and hundreds of thousands of fucking soldiers over there.

[36] Who's the bad guy?

[37] I don't know.

[38] It gets a little fucking blurry.

[39] Right.

[40] You know, I don't know.

[41] I mean, you know, they're evil terrorists and they're attacking the Americans.

[42] What are we doing over there?

[43] You don't think you can just come into someone's neighborhood and they don't fucking shoot at you?

[44] You can't just take over.

[45] You know, when you take over, people fight back.

[46] And when they fight back, well, who's the fucking bad guys?

[47] It's some kid who was born in Afghanistan and this is all he knows and this is the neighborhood he grew up in and all of a sudden he sees these fucking helicopters fly over head.

[48] head and tanks rolling around the ground?

[49] What would you think?

[50] You think you're being invaded?

[51] Who's the bad guy?

[52] It's very, very tricky, man. I mean, I obviously never would want anything bad to happen to any of our troops overseas, but I also don't want them to do anything bad to all these fucking people either.

[53] The whole thing's a cluster fuck.

[54] Who knows how many people have become terrorists because of all the shit that we've done overseas?

[55] Who knows how many people lost family members?

[56] Who knows how many people who would have been sort of a moderate person who really wouldn't get into this kind of stuff got drawn into it because of tragedy got drawn into it because of someone they'd know or they get to watch video footage when you're dealing with shit like what's going on in Iraq there's like a million dead people over there over the course of the nine years of this war whatever it's been a million people have died that's an insane number of people I mean if you stacked a million bodies up in the middle of like Washington State Park and had everybody look here's everyone that's died in Iraq maybe then it would sink in maybe then people would really kind of realize how crazy war is in fact that this is really how we have to do things in 2011 you know what's crazy is that i didn't know about that it would seem that that's something i should know about you know a million people died in iraq no no no about this a new story you did but the other day i'm eating and it's like we have breaking news here and now we're going to go live downtown los angeles lindsay lohan is going to jail let's read let's interview the sheriff and blah blah blah and then it was like wow this is crazy why they spent like five minutes on it and then they go everywhere All right, and now for another top news story today, the wedding of the century.

[57] And it's those people that are getting married in the UK, the prince or whatever.

[58] Have you heard about this shit?

[59] I very peripherally saw things about it.

[60] It's on every single news channel here in the United States.

[61] And why do I care about some prince getting married?

[62] Like, why is it on the news?

[63] Because people love that shit.

[64] Because people love gossip.

[65] The news has become like People magazine.

[66] I mean, when you're talking about two wars going on plus Libya, plus actions in Pakistan with drones there's a lot of crazy shit going on every fucking day of the week a lot of it if you're hearing anything at all about lindsay lohan and she hasn't killed 50 people i know there's something wrong and i know more about linds than i do about fucking let me ask you this do you think that that is because that the networks are are trying to you know make the the the easiest to digest sort of program after people are tired from work and just give them give the dummies what they want is Is it because the dummies want this or it's because that's the only thing that's on the air?

[67] Is it, do they have a mentality that people are dumb and in pushing all this Lindsay Lohan shit?

[68] Look, here's the thing, man. I can get into it too.

[69] You know, I understand it.

[70] I mean, I don't judge people for like, Mrs. Rogan likes the gossip magazine sometimes.

[71] She likes reading about things every now and then.

[72] And, you know, and I don't, I make fun of it.

[73] I make fun of it.

[74] But I'll fucking, if I'm taking a shit, I'll start reading it, you know, and I'll start reading it.

[75] Damn, he just left her like that.

[76] And what is she doing?

[77] Oh, man, she's fucking that guy now?

[78] whoa this is crazy and now she's got a baby I bet he's mad you know you it's it's easy there's we have instincts to gossip and we have instincts to follow you know silly fucking stories in the news whether it's about the princess or especially when it's royalty that's when it's so squirly it's like that prince that guy doesn't do shit he doesn't do shit he's a prince I mean he hasn't done anything he hasn't been elected he hasn't written some awesome books that everybody loves this guy's only famous because he's a prince yeah I mean that's just fucking completely insane.

[79] That's that when you get into royalty, it's the ultimate form of celebrity.

[80] You know, an entitled celebrity for no reason.

[81] At least Kim Kardashian sucks some dicks.

[82] You know what I mean?

[83] They just can masturbate to that.

[84] Yeah, well, you know, everybody talks about how Kim Kardashian's become famous over nothing.

[85] Sort of, but no. No. She became famous because she left that black guy fuck the shit out of her on camera.

[86] Yeah, but she's now making millions and millions and millions of dollars.

[87] And then you have like these girls working like Jenna Hayes.

[88] that's not making millions and millions and millions of dollars, and she pretty much does the same shit, but even better.

[89] She did it once.

[90] She did it once, and it was her boyfriend, and then it, quote, unquote, got out.

[91] Who knows?

[92] Now her family's making 17, what, million a month?

[93] Who knows how much?

[94] It's a lot of money.

[95] They're making a lot of money.

[96] They're making a lot of money.

[97] She's everywhere.

[98] But who, you know, who knows who the fuck put that video out?

[99] You can't really.

[100] Maybe she did.

[101] Maybe she did.

[102] Maybe he did.

[103] Who knows?

[104] Maybe someone else got a hold of it.

[105] Who knows?

[106] But the point is, if we knew, even if we, we knew like that you put it out on purpose it's okay still it's like people guess as long as you say that you didn't put it on purpose you get a pass but if you do put it on purpose if you make a porno video on purpose you fuck on camera on purpose you don't get in isn't that strange yeah no he's not going to give you a fucking tv show you know you're not going to get nothing unless it's a TV show on porn and it makes you want to cry right you know but the keep it up with the Kardashians doesn't make you want to cry you know yeah you watch like one of those inside pieces on Deladonna.

[107] Did you ever watch that show?

[108] Yeah, yeah.

[109] Bro her down?

[110] That shit made you want to cry, right?

[111] Definitely.

[112] Yeah.

[113] I'm glad she's retired now.

[114] Hopefully.

[115] Maybe.

[116] She's happy.

[117] Maybe she's happier when she's taking baseball bats in the ass.

[118] Probably.

[119] Look, it takes all kinds of people, dude, to make this world go around.

[120] Yeah.

[121] But it is a weird thing, though, that you're allowed to do it as long as you at least claim that you did it on accident, that it got released on accident.

[122] But if we suspect that you put it out on purpose, you actually made your own sex video and released it?

[123] I think it's pretty easy to get a video out nowadays because I've been realizing how many recordings now I have made of myself that I just accidentally tweet the other day I accidentally tweeted something that I thought was a direct message out to everybody and then I was like wow, that's close I caught it right away and my...

[124] What was it?

[125] A video.

[126] I love you, baby?

[127] A video.

[128] It was a video.

[129] Some sexy time video?

[130] No, no, no. It was a video of...

[131] But it could have been sexy time.

[132] It was cheesy video.

[133] Like, a cheesy, like, oh, let's make a video together.

[134] Oh, cute.

[135] And then accidentally put it out.

[136] You know, like, I was trying.

[137] So did you delete it?

[138] Huh?

[139] Yeah, I deleted it right away.

[140] There was only one person supposedly that commented on it, but like 170 people saw it.

[141] And I'm like, fuck.

[142] If there's just one person in there that grabbed that video, that would have been awful.

[143] How embarrassing is the video?

[144] It's not that embarrassing.

[145] It's just gay.

[146] It's just, like, gross gay.

[147] Even the way you said it's not that.

[148] You lisp when you say.

[149] It's not that I'm bad thing.

[150] It's not that I'm bad thing.

[151] You, you, like, submitted to yourself.

[152] You crawled inside yourself.

[153] It creeped me out when I saw, when I realized I did it.

[154] I was like, uh, well, give us the, the Cliff Notes version of what's on the video.

[155] Being, uh, we did, I didn't want to play it at least.

[156] I don't have it on me. I deleted it.

[157] I was like, get it off everything I could, I don't have that embarrassing.

[158] Well, give me the Cliff Notes.

[159] What does it say?

[160] It was like, I'm laying in bed at 7 in the morning and my girlfriend's, like, laying on top of me, like wake up wake up and like no don't I love you girl you know shit like that oh I love you girl I don't know exactly I don't know exactly I talked to her and pretend you're in a movie I love you baby no if you don't know how to deal with chicks maybe that's the best way to do actually just pretend you like in a Tom Cruise movie I did we did another blackout podcast and it was we started drinking at like midnight right we got we drank a whole bottle of vodka and two huge glasses of grape vodka oh shit and an hour And so it's me and Veronica Ritchie.

[161] Oh my God.

[162] And it, but what's so hilarious, it starts off.

[163] This Veronica Ritchie girl is a penthouse.

[164] Yeah.

[165] Yeah, but the beginning of it was really awkward conversation because she's super shy.

[166] And then they end up.

[167] Super shy.

[168] Super shy.

[169] How is that possible?

[170] Her whole family's really shy people.

[171] They're all just fucking each other, right?

[172] Is that what's going on?

[173] I asked that.

[174] That's how drunk it became.

[175] And then there was one point where she, she went to stand up and she fell and did like a back flip so wait a minute you've known this chick for a while man and that's the only time you've ever talked to her about molestation you did it on a podcast yeah yeah it was pretty pretty great did she respond uh you shouldn't listen to it no i don't have that kind of time just give me what happens uh she's uh she's uh i don't know i don't remember i blacked out i blacked out she said she'd been molested dude please uh you remember i blacked out you say she's been molested i don't remember i blacked out that's ridiculous you're the worst actor ever no i'm i'm being serious i swear to god i haven't listened to to relisten to it because I don't relisten to my shit I don't sit around, sit around, listen to my fucking self again.

[176] Do they cancel all the soap operas man?

[177] I know they canceled.

[178] They canceled two big ones the other day when they canceled the hospital one last year.

[179] See, why do I know about this?

[180] Soap operas might as well be opera.

[181] It's awful.

[182] It might as well be opera.

[183] Like, what are you doing something that's old and stupid.

[184] All right?

[185] And the idea that you're going to have this crazy running drama every day and like, what's going to happen?

[186] And she comes home and find him with her and just every day there's drama and crazy music and what a weird way to live man fucking stone joe hell yeah you are we did two volcanoes got back in you got you dove right back in son oh we we dove in just an hour ago and you dove right back in have you ever tried one of the fake the volcanoes that's like a copy of it like a generic copy of the volcano no i haven't it's called like uh the wave or something i forget what it's called but i just wondered if you Because it's only $90 compared to whatever the volcano is, like $400.

[187] I don't know.

[188] I wouldn't go budget on vaporizers.

[189] No?

[190] Yeah, it seems like complicated, man. It seems like there's a lot of shit going on there and electricity and it's heat.

[191] And anytime it's heat, I say you've got to get the best thing because you don't want things burning through the fucking cord and blowing up in your house or whatever some cheap piece of shit would do.

[192] Just get the stuff that's going to work.

[193] That volcano thing, what we're talking about is a vaporizer.

[194] And what vaporizing is, ladies and gentlemen, is for you the health conscious smugstess, the stoners that don't want any of those bad, nasty bits that you take in from burning smoke, which apparently is not nearly as bad for you as tobacco smoke, but it's got to be somewhat bad for you.

[195] It's just smoke.

[196] I mean, I don't know.

[197] It has some health benefits.

[198] It's an expectorant, and apparently it's very good for people when they have asthma.

[199] People have asthma, at least some of them, have reported that they have a benefit from smoking, from smoking the pot.

[200] But what the vaporizer does is it cuts out all the health problems.

[201] It just, it heats it up, but doesn't burn it.

[202] So, and it blows air through it, and it releases this THC mist.

[203] And that is collected in one of these.

[204] And what this is, is you hear it, the iTunes folks, it's a plastic bag.

[205] At the end of it, it has this little nozzle.

[206] And you just suck out the pure THC.

[207] And if you suck out enough, you can see aliens.

[208] And by the way, the volcano, I've tried to, every single kind of vaporizer known to man and the volcano is the only one that I recommend if you're going to get one get the volcano because that shit works where the other ones you're having to you're trying to adjust the temperature right and sometimes it feels like you're not getting anything than other times it's like you got too much dark smoke for some reason all that shit is just too ridiculous just the volcano does it yeah it just figures out of it but I see how people don't want to pay that money much money to get higher yeah I was on Craigslist looking and there was a lot of those generic ones on there you know the only reason Why all this shit costs so much because it's illegal.

[209] It's the only reason.

[210] The only reason everything costs so much because it's illegal.

[211] Marijuana should be cheap as fuck.

[212] It's a plant.

[213] It's easy to grow.

[214] It's a goddamn weed.

[215] It doesn't even get sick.

[216] It doesn't rot.

[217] You know, you ever, like, look at some trees and there's all bugs fucking them up.

[218] Bugs fucking them up, Riefer.

[219] Step back, bitch.

[220] You don't have a chance.

[221] Bugs don't have a chance.

[222] Reifer doesn't need pesticides.

[223] Like people always say, what happened does they put pesticides to your weed, man?

[224] You can get like DDT poisoning, bro.

[225] That's what's wrong with weed.

[226] No, you don't need it.

[227] It doesn't need pesticides.

[228] It doesn't get sick.

[229] It's not like all these pussy -ass plants.

[230] It's one of the toughest plants that's ever existed.

[231] It's the best fiber.

[232] The fiber that you make out of hemp, like when you make hemp jeans or clothes or peat, it's like so much more sturdy than cotton.

[233] And the paper, like hemp paper, is so superior to cotton.

[234] It all became illegal.

[235] Most people don't even know this.

[236] It became illegal back when they figured out a more effective way to process the hemp fiber.

[237] It was legal forever, but it became like something that people stopped using because cotton became so much more easy to process.

[238] They came up with the cotton gin.

[239] And instead of just having slaves picked the cotton, which was a huge pain in the ass, then they could run it through this fucking machine and it made it way easier.

[240] And so people were like, fuck this hemp.

[241] Because hemp fiber is like really tough stuff.

[242] And you got to break it down.

[243] Have you ever watched like manual breaking down of hemp fiber?

[244] It's a laborious process, man. Because the fucking stalk of this plant, this is like an animal or an alien plant, rather.

[245] It's an incredible plant.

[246] Like it's the fiber is like, super fucking tough and strong you make the best rope out of it the best cloth out of it it's like so superior but it takes a long time to turn that fiber into cloth or paper it's really difficult to break down and then in like the early 1930s a guy came out with a machine called a decorticator and what the decorticator did was allow them to process it just like the cotton gin processes cotton allows it to smash it down into this this pulp and make it much more usable like almost immediately and then that's when they said fuck this and that's when pot became illegal pot became illegal entirely because of hemp which has nothing to do with the psychoactive properties it became illegal because of william randolph hurst who was running newspapers and he also had paper mills and they were going to make people start using hemp paper that was going to be the shit because you could you could take like a forest full of trees and you chop them down well you're fucked because you don't have any more trees you know it takes a long ass time for those trees to grow back.

[247] But hemp?

[248] You grow it every four months.

[249] You'd have a new fucking crop.

[250] I mean, you could use the same property over and over and over again.

[251] It's renewable and you get much more paper.

[252] So this motherfucker was going to have to spend millions of dollars.

[253] So them and DuPont, William Randolph Hearst and DuPont, they got together and they said, yeah, what will do we'll fucking say that pot makes blacks and Mexicans rape white chicks.

[254] And that's all they did.

[255] That's what they did.

[256] That's literally what they did.

[257] They started printing stories, William Randolph Hearst did in the paper, of this new drug called marijuana.

[258] And what marijuana was had nothing even to do with pot.

[259] The original name for marijuana was a slang for a wild Mexican tobacco.

[260] So they call it marijuana and then say blacks and Mexicans are smoking marijuana.

[261] So when Congress made hemp illegal, when they made marijuana illegal, they didn't even know they were making hemp illegal as well.

[262] They fucked everybody.

[263] And they did it in 19 -fucking 30 -something.

[264] It's a amazing that that shit is still going on.

[265] It's still illegal in the age of the internet where all the information is at your disposal.

[266] Everything.

[267] You can Google search every fucking study ever done on pot and you can see right away that most people want it legal.

[268] Who's stopping it?

[269] Oh, people with money.

[270] Why are they stopping it?

[271] Well, because they're making money on marijuana being illegal.

[272] And they're using that money.

[273] They're bribing politicians and that's how they keep it in place.

[274] fuck really in 2011 you can be that open it's that open where you can see so clearly yeah it's so sick man it's sick it's sick that we live like this it's sick that you can put people in jail for want to smoke a joint and kick back and listen to some good music and you know eat some food and have some great conversation with friends and not hurt anybody and yet cops can come and lock you up in a fucking cage for that it's ridiculous we know what drugs are bad folks we know we have to stop letting people tell you that the drugs that are good are bad because they're fucking wrong there's ones that are bad don't do math don't do heroin or if you do you got to be a musician or something you know heroin seems to be okay for musicians did you see it kills you though did you see that guy uh bat what's his name batista the strike force guy yeah did you see his uh thing on tm z the other day no he uh he was talking about how his deal got cut, you know, from when the merger with the UFC and the strike force and stuff like that.

[275] Do you think that something, do you know anything about this guy or?

[276] No, I don't know anything more than I saw, there was a headline on MMA .com.

[277] I saw that, but I didn't read it.

[278] It's not interesting to me. Not interesting.

[279] No, not really.

[280] I mean, he seems like a nice guy.

[281] I wish him well.

[282] But, you know, I'm interested in young guys that are coming up.

[283] I mean, occasionally a guy like Lesnar, you know, I mean, but.

[284] Lesner was like a serious wrestler, you know?

[285] Yeah.

[286] Like a serious amateur wrestler.

[287] Like, that's what made him exciting.

[288] It wasn't just that he was a big guy.

[289] Is this guy not a, like...

[290] I don't believe so.

[291] I don't know, though.

[292] I really don't know his background.

[293] Right.

[294] He just...

[295] But I feel like I would have heard about him.

[296] The way I heard about Lesnar, when Lesnar was a wrestler, back when he was doing pro wrestling, I had heard about what a freakie was.

[297] Right.

[298] Like, people were talking about what a crazy specimen this guy was.

[299] Dude, there's a fucking video of him.

[300] We've talked about it on the podcast before, but it's worth repeating.

[301] just so ridiculous he was 300 pounds solid muscle right he gets on top of the fucking turnbuckle or whatever the hell it is stands on the ropes and flips through the air and lands on his head yeah lands on his fucking head he flew through the air and landed on his head and he was still conscious and he climbed on top of the guy and still got the pin and you watch it if you watch it you watch him do that you go that's supposed to kill people how did that not kill him like who Who is this guy?

[302] How the fuck could that guy survive that?

[303] It's supposed to snap your neck and break every fucking bone in your spinal column.

[304] It's supposed to be just chaos for you after that.

[305] Meanwhile, he like finishes the match.

[306] It's ridiculous.

[307] So he was already this guy where people were like this Brock Lesnar guy, man. You ain't never seen a heavyweight move like that guy.

[308] You know, we had heard about his fucking times.

[309] And that was like one of the things they talked about during his wrestling days was his times in the NFL Combine.

[310] You know, the NFL Combine is, you know, it's like, I actually can pull up the numbers because it's so ridiculous.

[311] It's, it's, it's, it's worth reading.

[312] But the NFL combine is when they take athletes and they run them through these tests like the 40 yard and, you know, see how fat...

[313] Let me find it real quick here.

[314] I was going to say something.

[315] I'm completely stoned out.

[316] Brock and chain, here it is.

[317] Yeah, let me read this too right here.

[318] This is his crazy fucking numbers.

[319] The 40 -yard sprint, 4 .6 seconds.

[320] He's 200 and fucking 90 -something pounds, okay?

[321] 4 .6 seconds.

[322] That's like eight times fast than you can do.

[323] I mean, stop and think about that.

[324] 40 yards, 4 .6 seconds.

[325] That's a fast 40.

[326] 225 pound bench press.

[327] 43 repetitions.

[328] 43 of 225.

[329] What the fuck?

[330] His vertical jump 35 inches.

[331] His broad jump 10 feet.

[332] He hurls 300 pounds 10 feet through the fucking air.

[333] That's ridiculous shit, dude.

[334] That's a freak.

[335] you know so we had heard about that shit like when he was around we'd heard about that long ago and so when I heard that he was going to go into to MMA I was like holy I was there for his first fight I saw his first fight live it was at L .A. at the Coliseum it was for K1 took this fucking dude down and just smashed him and I remember looking at that going who's gonna fuck with that like that's a dangerous motherfucker some freaky guy who can get on top of you and just punch your brains in and try stopping it good luck you know of course you know Kane Velazquez eventually did stop it, but he was another freak specimen.

[336] Yeah, when's the rematch for that?

[337] Well, it's not going to happen unless Brock gets by Junior Dos Santos.

[338] That's going to be in June.

[339] Junior Dos Santos and him are coaching this season of the Ultimate Fighter, and then they're going to meet up in June.

[340] How is Brock's training right now?

[341] Have you heard anything about it?

[342] I haven't heard anything.

[343] Other than he's back with Greg Nelson, who is the guy who runs Minnesota mixed martial arts, and he's awesome.

[344] I'm a big fan of that guy.

[345] A big fan of his coaching, and he does great ways.

[346] He's got, formulates good game plans.

[347] He's a real student of the game.

[348] And, you know, his fighters are always well trained.

[349] You know, all of his guys, very smart and well trained.

[350] He's, he's handled Shirk, and he's got, you know, a couple of the young guys coming up like, um, the fuck's his name.

[351] Uh, the guy that just won a decision.

[352] Um, fuck.

[353] I hate that.

[354] They opened up a Gracie Jiu -Jitsu thing.

[355] Oh, the Kearney.

[356] Um, what's that?

[357] They opened up a Gracie Jiu -Jitsu in Burbank right down the street for me. Did it?

[358] Yeah.

[359] Are you going to join?

[360] No. Why not?

[361] I took a photo of it.

[362] That's pretty cool.

[363] Get in there, dude.

[364] Get in there.

[365] Take a woman's class.

[366] Take a spin class.

[367] Take a gracey spin.

[368] Have you been a gracey spin yet?

[369] Take the women's class, dude.

[370] Step -abrolyx.

[371] They have ribbons.

[372] Remember those ribbons with the sticks?

[373] Get in shape girl.

[374] You used to do that.

[375] You used to tell me all the time.

[376] He used to get in shape girl.

[377] By the way, have you seen this, that guy, did you ever watch that guy's animation that he did for Burke Kreischer's Staples video?

[378] No. Or Barnes -A -Nob, when he used to work out in the basement of that bookstore, somebody put it to animation.

[379] The same guy that did the first one is fucking brilliant.

[380] You got to watch it.

[381] Really?

[382] Yeah.

[383] The guy's great.

[384] What's it about?

[385] I'm not listening to you, man. You going to do women's classes?

[386] I spend.

[387] Why don't you put a pink kimono on and just look like a dyke?

[388] Shave your face.

[389] That's what I do.

[390] Just go and say you're a dyke.

[391] That's what I do.

[392] Do they allow transgender in women's classes?

[393] Like if you were a man and you decided to become a woman, do they allow you to take women's classes?

[394] Well, you're allowed to, when you get post -op or whatever, even if you're not fully, you're allowed to go to the woman's restroom.

[395] Are you really?

[396] Yeah.

[397] Post -op.

[398] Or whatever, you know.

[399] You know, that's what the supposedly was behind that woman getting beat up in that McDonald's.

[400] Oh, my God.

[401] Did you hear about that?

[402] It's fucking crazy.

[403] Supposedly, that's a transvestite.

[404] Really?

[405] Yeah.

[406] That's a man who dresses like a woman.

[407] That's crazy that we know about McDonald's.

[408] Well, that video's huge.

[409] I haven't seen the video.

[410] You haven't seen it?

[411] No. It's pretty rude.

[412] Those girls beat the fuck out of that girl.

[413] And they keep going back.

[414] They keep kicking her.

[415] And then the girl kicks her when she's down, kicks, boots her in the head.

[416] And the girl starts convulsing.

[417] Oh, God.

[418] Yeah, it's pretty rough.

[419] It's pretty rough.

[420] And people are like, oh, that's so fake.

[421] That looks so fake.

[422] Tell you what wasn't fake.

[423] That big, gigantic kick to the head.

[424] That shit was real.

[425] You know, it's very possible.

[426] People don't know.

[427] People go into convulsions.

[428] It's very possible that someone can have a seizure from heavy brain trauma like that.

[429] Very possible.

[430] Don't think it's not.

[431] You know, the girl really kicked her in the head.

[432] Like, it was real.

[433] They stomped her head.

[434] You know, it was pretty rough.

[435] And, you know, the manager is trying to keep the girls off of her.

[436] He can't.

[437] He's ineffective.

[438] Everybody got fired.

[439] The whole thing is pretty crazy.

[440] But the idea was that she was a he -she and she was going in the woman's room.

[441] That's what I read.

[442] Whether or not that's true, I haven't, I don't know if they've interviewed her and got the whole full deal.

[443] See, this is like another form of soap opera.

[444] Antoine Dodson got arrested for marijuana possession.

[445] Did you hear?

[446] Did he?

[447] Yeah.

[448] Home, home, home, boy.

[449] somewhere in Alabama I said.

[450] What's he doing in Alabama?

[451] It's probably where he lives.

[452] No, I thought he moved back to L .A. I heard he was living in L .A. now and they were filming a new show with him now.

[453] Really?

[454] Yeah.

[455] Maybe he went back home and say hi to the homies and he got busted.

[456] Hi, homies.

[457] Uh -oh.

[458] Uh -oh.

[459] Yeah, back then, man. You still can get busted.

[460] Back there, rather.

[461] Back there is back then.

[462] That's funny because I said back then, you know, meaning like Alabama.

[463] But it is back then in time as well.

[464] You know, I mean, that's really what it is.

[465] I'm saying back then, I'm thinking of it is it being in like the 50s, you know?

[466] I should have said back there, but back then is more appropriate.

[467] They live in a fucking time warp.

[468] Yeah.

[469] Stupid -ass place where you can get fucking arrested for, oh, do you hear about the Rhode Island guy?

[470] Here's another one.

[471] I love hearing about politicians to get fucked up.

[472] This guy who was a, he was a anti -marijuana house minority leader Robert Watson.

[473] He was arrested for alcohol and drug charges.

[474] They pull home boy over.

[475] And he failed the field sobriety test.

[476] So then they grabbed him and they searched his pockets and they find out he's got a plastic bag filled with pot and a wooden pipe.

[477] So this fucking dummy who is this anti -pot guy gets busted with pot.

[478] You know, and that to me, you know, you, that's like a gay guy who's secretly gay who votes against gay marriage and that they should be locked up.

[479] That's like a, that's like a, you're like a traitor.

[480] you're like a traitor for humanity like you're a bad person like if you really want to lock people in jail for pot and yet you enjoy pot you're a shitty human being you're willing to put your own personal gain ahead of the betterment of the people you're willing to take something that you know is not right and push it because you think more people are going to agree with you because it's the contemporary opinion you know and that's a really shitty human being that guy you know I hope that guy is ostracized from the political community for life.

[481] I hope they never allow him back.

[482] And it's sad, but they probably will.

[483] He'll probably eventually show up somewhere else and apologize or become a Christian or something stupid, and they'll suck him right back in.

[484] Enough people will believe in him that he'll get some shitty job and some shitty little fucking community where they won't bother Google searching what a douchebaggy is.

[485] You know?

[486] Hopefully it gets eye herpes.

[487] Do you know that shit exists where you can get herpes on your eyeball?

[488] Really?

[489] Yeah.

[490] And it breaks out like once a month or whatever.

[491] Oh, my God.

[492] Whenever it happens.

[493] I heard of a story, and I don't know if it's true.

[494] So internet, do your research.

[495] A wrestler was in the middle of a match.

[496] His contact fell out, put his contact back in his eye, got staff from the contact lens, and died.

[497] Is this true?

[498] I have no idea.

[499] This could very easily be one of those urban myths.

[500] Wow.

[501] But I heard the story, and I was like, that is the scariest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life.

[502] You know, eyeball staff that winds up killing you Just because a contact lens fell in the ground And the ground is so fucking polluted You know, there's so much funk And fucking human slime on that ground That staff is some scary shit, man Remember how scary websites like rotten .com used to be?

[503] Fuck, yeah.

[504] What was the one, the other one that was really bad?

[505] Not rotten .com, but the one I had like the red and black And it was...

[506] Yeah, I don't remember.

[507] I know what you're talking about.

[508] I remember I would, like, be scared to go there.

[509] Yeah, there was a few, there's a few sites to this day that I won't fuck with.

[510] Yeah.

[511] But somebody posted up a video the other day of a Mexican lady cutting some dude's head off.

[512] Oh, no. I watched the whole thing.

[513] You what I'm done with that.

[514] I don't know what the fuck was thing.

[515] I was weak.

[516] It shouldn't have done it.

[517] She didn't just cut off his head.

[518] She did a lot of other shit to him, too.

[519] Oh, no. And there's a video of it.

[520] They show the guy dying.

[521] I mean, they show her, and I was amazed at how much.

[522] I've gotten over the impact of those things.

[523] It used to be, I would watch that, and it would haunt my dreams.

[524] Like, the first time I ever saw faces of death, and I realized these are really bodies.

[525] Like, the face of death, some of the faces of death were, I don't know if it was exactly faces of death, but one of those type of videos, I remember one of them was super disturbing.

[526] It was in some Middle Eastern country where they were killing a guy by tying him in between two trucks and pulling them apart.

[527] Oh, yeah.

[528] Remember the blood orgy?

[529] That was completely fake, right?

[530] I don't remember that The blood orgy They had a body in the middle And they were like eating it That was fake as fuck That looked fake as fuck Right Yeah that looks stupid The train chick Was always the one that scared me Oh the girl steps in for the train And gets you smashed Oh my god And her body flies towards the camera Yeah oh my god That's hard Yeah Monkey brains Oh I forgot about that train one man I forgot about that train one Woo And monkey brains Monkey brains Monkey brains is rough Yeah But I tell you what That's a monkey I don't really care that much About a monkey I mean I'm not happy That a monkey dies But you want to I see monkeys get fucked up.

[531] Watch the chimps fuck up the monkeys.

[532] Yeah.

[533] You know, that's the most disturbing monkey shit online.

[534] He's watching chimps eating monkeys while they're alive.

[535] So monkey brains.

[536] I don't even know if that was real.

[537] Yeah.

[538] Who knows?

[539] I used to have the faces of the death.

[540] I've talked about this.

[541] Maybe not on the podcast.

[542] And the UFC.

[543] And that was our scary tape.

[544] Like we'd be like, guys, I got UFC number two in fear or whatever, the faces of death.

[545] Yeah.

[546] So we'd go and, you know, watch that shit.

[547] And, yeah, they used to disturb the shit out of me. Like that video, the guy's getting pulled apart by the trucks, that fucking haunted me for days.

[548] But now I can watch it, and it's like so much easier to digest.

[549] My favorite one was, not my favorite, the most disturbing one where that guy gets, like, shot in the stomach and goes, ay, aye, aye, or whatever it was.

[550] Oh, la la, and he falls down.

[551] I didn't see that one.

[552] You didn't?

[553] Oh, that was one of the best of the, I think it was faces of death, too.

[554] It was like a guy.

[555] He said, aye, aye, aye.

[556] Yeah, he goes, ay, and he falls down.

[557] And we used to always say that growing up.

[558] I'll be like, aye, aye, aye, aye.

[559] How about Bud Dwyer?

[560] Bud Dwyer is the most disturbing one ever.

[561] Was that the guy who got?

[562] He was, uh, one of those fucking things.

[563] Might not have been face of death.

[564] I got a couple of other ones, too.

[565] Yeah.

[566] I should have never watched those, though.

[567] That's what I don't know.

[568] Do you think that it's bad that you become desensitized?

[569] Because I'm not desensitized, too, in real life, you know?

[570] What do you think?

[571] I don't think it's good for your soul.

[572] Like, I think, I think after I saw the beheading video, the famous Iraqi beheading guy, I think after seeing now, I'm like, you know what?

[573] I'm cutting myself off of that I'm just not going to do that anymore there's no reason I don't need to see it I see what it looks like yeah I don't know yeah I'm I'm in agreement but yeah you still do it all the time yeah I still watch it not all the time most of the time I'm avoiding it but every now and then I'll get stupid and I just get weak because it's a forward movie to you well it's a little bit of that a little bit of I don't have anything particular that I need to be looking at so I just decide hmm let me see what the fuck's on this hmm let me see what's on that page And then I'll see it.

[574] I go, all right, let's click it.

[575] Let's just click it.

[576] Let's see what it is.

[577] You know what?

[578] I think the best movie for you ever is if they made like a horror movie, kind of like a Friday of the 13th, but it was like Friday 13th, but the porn mixed in with it.

[579] There was like six girls staying at this, you know.

[580] Are you projecting your own fucked up weird shit on me?

[581] No, I think that would be your favorite movie ever.

[582] No. I don't like Friday of 13th movies.

[583] Werewolves.

[584] Yeah, I like Werewolf movies.

[585] I'm trying to figure out why.

[586] what the fuck that is, I guess somehow another knowing that deep inside people, there's some sort of an animalistic nature that it is almost like a wolf, you know?

[587] Because you're a were a wolf.

[588] No, I'm not.

[589] Just in person, brother.

[590] What the fuck is wrong with you?

[591] The were wolves don't exist, stupid.

[592] I remember when Twilight was big, you still always say you're a werewolf.

[593] Brian, you're going to give me a bad reputation with these lies.

[594] I don't think that's cool, man. Poor friends.

[595] You can't just fucking put shit like this.

[596] Put it up, And next thing you know, it'll be on my Wikipedia page.

[597] That's going to become, that's the next thing on the Wikipedia page.

[598] I'm not saying that you should put in that during the twilight days, Joe Rogan often said that he was a werewolf.

[599] I'm not saying you should put that on there.

[600] But if it's on there, I ain't hating.

[601] You know what I'm saying?

[602] I ain't mad at you.

[603] I'm already on some man shit.

[604] You know, because when Darrell Wright said that, you're on some man shit.

[605] I somehow know that said something about putting it on Wikipedia.

[606] And apparently it's up there, man. That shit's hilarious.

[607] I don't fuck with my Wikipedia.

[608] So if you want to write some fake shit about me...

[609] I got banned from Wikipedia.

[610] I support your fake writing shit about me on Wikipedia.

[611] As long as it's funny.

[612] You know, just be funny with it.

[613] Just have some fun.

[614] What the fuck, man?

[615] You know?

[616] The whole idea about those things is silly.

[617] You know, you're going to allow everybody to just contribute shit.

[618] How are you going to know?

[619] How are you going to ever know unless someone corrects it?

[620] What if they don't correct it?

[621] What did you get banned for?

[622] I don't know.

[623] My IP was banned.

[624] And I've never...

[625] I don't think I've ever used Wikipedia.

[626] And then one day it just started being banished.

[627] And now I'm thinking like an ex -girlfriend was like at my house going, oh, I might say Britney Spears is not as hot as mining or something like that.

[628] You really think that you?

[629] First of all, you let chicks use your computer or they did it with their own computer.

[630] Like their own computer.

[631] You don't have no checks.

[632] You got to stay off my IP address.

[633] When you have a chick over your house and she starts fucking with your email, do you go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[634] Well, I'm, I'm pretty good nowadays.

[635] I'm not like some crazy.

[636] Have you ever had that happen, though?

[637] Yeah, I would assume that in the past.

[638] Because you're always into all kinds of weird shit And dating all these weird girls It's mostly ex -girlfriend talk Like hey, what's this email with your ex -girlfriend Or something like that?

[639] They look through your emails to find that shit?

[640] I don't know Yeah, I had to Had to be looking through your emails How else would she know?

[641] Yeah So she goes in your computer It looks through your emails And goes, what the fuck is this?

[642] Yeah And then what do you got to say?

[643] You just tell them the truth I mean, like it's just them overreacting on things You know?

[644] Like, hey look, and this is my ex -girlfriend You know, I dated her for seven years I can talk to this person You know And then the music starts playing This is the beginning of a Beginning of a music video from the 90s You know like Orange Juice Jones I call you and him Walking in the rain This weekend Toronto is basically sold out The only tickets that are available For the Massey Hall show It might be Macy Hall Sorry, Macy Hall Macy Hall, whatever the fuck it is Friday night The only tickets that are available or like single seats by themselves and I'm fucking super psyched I'm super psyched to get to Toronto and I'm super psyched to be bringing my man Sam Tripoli with me Sam the Slayer Shady Sam Yeah shady Sam Triply He's awesome And then the UFC of course is the next night So it's gonna be the shit son I can't wait We are doing Sal's comedy hole tomorrow night And that'll be at 8 o 'clock Yeah 8 o 'clock in Hollywood Why are you frowning Oh I didn't know that I haven't put together any, do you know?

[645] All right.

[646] Call Sal.

[647] Tell them what the fuck is up.

[648] Well, they asked me today if we were doing it, and I hadn't heard anything about it.

[649] Shazam, son, now we know.

[650] Okay.

[651] Yeah, I might be doing a show at a pot shop in Toronto on Thursday night, too.

[652] Trippley and I, there's apparently some underground pot thing going on in Toronto, and they have shows there.

[653] You know too much.

[654] You already know too much.

[655] So that might be going down.

[656] on Thursday night too.

[657] I'll keep your freaks posted.

[658] Did Doug Benson get a hold of you?

[659] Yeah, he's going to be on the podcast May 11th.

[660] And tomorrow, tomorrow, which is April 27th, Duncan Truzzle is coming on at 3 o 'clock.

[661] So that should be awesome bitches.

[662] I can't wait.

[663] Thank you to the Flashlight for sponsoring our podcast.

[664] And if you go to Joe Rogan .net, on the right -hand side, there's a link for the flashlight.

[665] If you click it and enter in the code name, Rogan, you get 15 % off the number one sex toy for men.

[666] It is awesome.

[667] Brian and I have both fucked it on numerous occasions, and we give it two thumbs up.

[668] Get the Jenna Hayes one.

[669] The Jenna Hayes one.

[670] In support of Jenna Hayes because she was on the Death Squad podcast, and she seemed like she was very cool.

[671] She's a nice person, right?

[672] She did a, she was nice, but she did a, what it sounds like when she has an orgasm on it, and it was like a minute long or something like that.

[673] It was fucking beautiful.

[674] Amazing.

[675] She's funny.

[676] You know, like how she just embraces being a slut, you know, and talks about how funny it is.

[677] And, like, her whole thing, how she controls everything, no music while the sex is going on.

[678] And she doesn't like big, long, stupid scenes.

[679] She just likes it.

[680] She does it all herself, too, man. She's got 30, she's won more awards and porn than anyone.

[681] It's amazing.

[682] She's like, she's an OG.

[683] The Hicks and Gracie of porn.

[684] Fuck, yeah.

[685] Is that what it is?

[686] Yep.

[687] She is, right?

[688] Yeah.

[689] So you like that.

[690] That was good.

[691] It was an amazing interview.

[692] Well, maybe we'll get her on this show, too.

[693] That'll be fun.

[694] If I can have to do it at your place.

[695] Yeah.

[696] Can't get any skinks.

[697] No. Can't happen.

[698] Thank you, everybody, and we will see you all tomorrow.

[699] And, oh, May, May, something, another, San Francisco tickets are on sale.

[700] They're already more than half sold out.

[701] So all my friends that want to come to the shows in San Francisco, it is May 12th, 13th, and 14th.

[702] And like I said, the tickets are all, they're selling very fast, so I don't want to get anybody to get left out.

[703] And that'll be Joey.

[704] Yeah, that's at Cobbs.

[705] and that'll be Joey and I think Ari's going to do it too.

[706] And you're coming too, right?

[707] Yeah.

[708] What, bitches?

[709] Yeah.

[710] All right, my friends, we'll see you tomorrow with our pal and one of the best podcast guests ever.

[711] Duncan Truzzle, as always, I love you, bitches.

[712] Later.