Amy Poehler

[0] Welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] Oh, my God, you're really choked over there.

[2] I really did.

[3] There's a lot going on.

[4] I'm so excited about our guests.

[5] But anyways, I'm Dan Shepard.

[6] Hi, Dan.

[7] You are Monica Mouse.

[8] I am.

[9] Amy Poller's here today.

[10] Can't believe it.

[11] Old friend of mine, she graciously allowed me to start calling her babers.

[12] It's what she called her husband and then I got invited in.

[13] So sometimes you'll hear me refer to her as babers.

[14] And that's why.

[15] I feel very proud of that.

[16] Yeah, you should.

[17] I'm jealous.

[18] I want to be...

[19] You'll be a babers.

[20] Okay.

[21] I can tell because she loved you and she even sent me a text afterwards saying I love Monica.

[22] My brain can't comprehend that.

[23] You don't want to comprehend that.

[24] Well, I don't need to tell you who Amy Poehler is, but I will anyway.

[25] She's an actress, a comedian, a writer, producer, and a director.

[26] Of course, Parks and Rec, S &L, sisters, mean girls, baby mama, wet hot American summer, the best host ever of the Golden Globes and the history of the Golden Globes.

[27] And she has a new movie coming out March 5th on Netflix that she directs and stars in called Moxie.

[28] Moxie's a really, really cool take on the sexist and toxic world of high school and told in a very irreverent, fun way, but confronting all that shit.

[29] It's wonderful.

[30] In the episode, I think we say March 3rd.

[31] Well, this on the printout says March 5th.

[32] Okay, so if in the episode we say March 3rd and it's wrong, sorry.

[33] Yeah.

[34] Add it to your list on March 3rd and then watch it on March 5th.

[35] Yes.

[36] Okay, please enjoy our favorite, Amy Polack.

[37] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[38] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[39] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[40] He's an armchair expert.

[41] Oh my gosh.

[42] Oh, my God.

[43] Hi, guys.

[44] Hi, Bavors.

[45] Bavors, we're doing it.

[46] Yeah.

[47] Oh, Babers, I'm so happy to see you.

[48] Babers, how do we feel about complimenting women on their looks?

[49] It's a bad look, right?

[50] Is that gross?

[51] Are you asking about me because I'll take it any day of the week?

[52] I watched your Seth Meyer, and I was like, Papers is so beautiful.

[53] Yeah, thank you, buddy.

[54] So beautiful.

[55] Thanks, bud.

[56] It's been obvious I've been in love with you since we met, right?

[57] To all of us, yeah.

[58] Right back at you.

[59] I feel like how I look is a constant state of anxiety for me. So I really appreciate when you tell me that I look good.

[60] And I laugh really hard on this podcast when you're like, I would much rather to someone tell me I look good that I'm funny.

[61] I'm like, me too.

[62] Or smart or good father.

[63] Like anything one should care.

[64] 100%.

[65] 100%.

[66] I don't know that I've ever had such a bond.

[67] feeling is listening to you on Terry Gross years ago promoting your book.

[68] And you said, you know, I got to a point in high school where I looked in the mirror and I said, look, this isn't going to be your thing.

[69] Yeah.

[70] I'm not going to run with these horses.

[71] I'm going to lose.

[72] Because I'm like you.

[73] I'm like you.

[74] Can I just say I apologize in advance because I'm so excited to be doing this right now.

[75] I'm such a fan.

[76] I kind of feel like a one fan contest.

[77] I'm going to do a lot of this with both of you, which is I'm going to be like, I'm like you.

[78] I'm like you.

[79] But I like to do things I'm good at.

[80] So in the beauty race, I very thankfully and early on, realize I'm not going to win here.

[81] I'm not going to get a lot of wins here.

[82] And so it felt good to pretend like I was self -selecting out.

[83] Yeah.

[84] But also, the beauty race has changed.

[85] When you were in high school, it was one thing.

[86] And now it's not.

[87] So you are winning the beauty race in many ways.

[88] Well, I wonder if winning it is like not racing.

[89] Exactly.

[90] Exactly.

[91] I think that might be the new way to win it.

[92] Yes.

[93] But you know, Monica, it's this constant, boring, disappointing thing that we just keeping like, I can't believe I'm still being so rough in my own mind about my face.

[94] Like, this is going to be my face.

[95] When are we going to become friends?

[96] Like, when is it going to happen?

[97] And the answer is, I don't know, right before you die, the minute before you die.

[98] I never feel that way.

[99] I just, in retrospect, I'm like, oh, it wasn't as bad looking as I thought.

[100] Like, the only joy I get is I'll go, like, I'll see a picture of me when I was 21.

[101] I was like, I thought I had a terrible body.

[102] This is a fine physique for a person to have.

[103] Oh, yeah.

[104] There's that great moment in Schitt's Creek when Catherine O 'Hare is telling that character to take as many new pictures of herself as she can at a certain age because you're going to really, really want them.

[105] It's very true.

[106] Yeah, no matter how bad you think you look, in 40 years, you're going to love how you looked.

[107] You're going to love the way you look in 40 years.

[108] I guarantee it.

[109] I was just going to say what commercial.

[110] You're not the way you look.

[111] I guarantee it.

[112] What's fun to hear you already say, this is how we're similar, because the whole time I was reading about you this morning, which is, again, a bizarre thing to do for someone you've known for 15 years.

[113] But I kept thinking, how do I pinpoint this thing that Babers and I both have?

[114] And I was curious what thing you would say.

[115] So one thing that I like about you and I is we have a class, struggle.

[116] 100%.

[117] That's why I love listening to your podcast is I'm obsessed with class.

[118] I apply it to a lot of places.

[119] I mean, the work I'm doing now, honestly, is to like take a step back and look and be like, I take such pride in how I got my stuff my way.

[120] And now I'm taking a really hard looking like, do you want to just be real honest about the doors that were open for you, the opportunities you had, like all that stuff, it's really hard because they take such pride.

[121] You know what was helpful for me is I was doing a press junket with someone for a very long time and they were telling their story, which is virtually the same as mine.

[122] You know, like modest background, single mom, all this stuff.

[123] And at a certain point, I was just like, and no one gives a shit.

[124] I don't give a shit.

[125] Why aren't anyone care about my story I'm telling?

[126] Like, you know.

[127] I know.

[128] Also, the story that you're telling is like, is it true?

[129] Is it really true?

[130] It can't be.

[131] I know.

[132] The needle keeps going to the same.

[133] grew for me over and over again.

[134] And one time my parents were like, you know, you always describe us as like lower, lower middle class.

[135] I would say we were middle class and I was like, oh, right.

[136] Like, I think I'm sweetening every time I tell a story.

[137] Well, you guys talked about this, about memory on the show, but like I'm fascinated with the Malcolm Gladwell stuff, the idea that every time you take down a story from the shelf, you corrupt it.

[138] Right.

[139] Right.

[140] And you have a brother.

[141] Like, how often are you talking to your brother?

[142] And you're like, no, we weren't even in that house yet.

[143] and we had totally, our stories had converged, and I was reminded of that experiment done the day after September 11th where everybody wrote down their memories and then kept checking in with those memories.

[144] Anyway, like your actual personal origin story is one you take down over and over and over again off the shelf to tell people and you correct it every time.

[145] And of course, you would imagine, if ever there were a day you guys would both remember, you would have taken the time to commit it to memory, it would be 9 -11, and even that isn't bulletproof.

[146] No. In fact, I think it's more likely to be corrupted because it's so heightened.

[147] Yeah.

[148] So, yeah, so we have this class warfare chip on our shoulder.

[149] And then I, too, similarly, my mom will say, I mean, yeah, we did live in those welfare apartments.

[150] But it was very brief, you know, and we had a pretty good house by the time you were in third grade.

[151] And I'm like, yeah, we did.

[152] And then it got nicer.

[153] But I don't like that part of the story.

[154] Well, I think that I, like you, I like to identify as an outsider who worked their way in.

[155] I take great pride in that.

[156] And that's part of going back to what we were even talking about in the very beginning, which is like, you know what?

[157] I don't care how I look like.

[158] It's all about, like, self -selecting out so that you can't get rejected first.

[159] Yes.

[160] And then, yeah, that's what I've been working on is like, can I take a harder look at the opportunities I was giving?

[161] the invitations I had, the time in which I came up in this business is so different.

[162] So, I don't know, everything feels like it's scrambled eggs a little bit in a good way.

[163] I agree.

[164] For me, I think that light started penetrating me in terms of white privilege was a term I fucking despise when I first heard it because, again, it's so against my narrative.

[165] I didn't have a shot in hell.

[166] No one could have done what I did, you know.

[167] And then recognizing like, oh, no, I would have had a 20 -year prison sentence at some point, with the many times I had cocaine on my possession, like, oh, no, that isn't the reality.

[168] It was different for you.

[169] And so I think that was the crack where I was like, and I'm tall.

[170] There's data that says tall people get listened to more.

[171] You know, I don't know.

[172] That's in the mix.

[173] I love tall people.

[174] I hate short people.

[175] Monica is the only short person I like, I despise short people.

[176] They're disgusting.

[177] But 100%.

[178] I mean, I feel like starting comedy when I did, so much of a skill set that you need, was to be able to hang with the guys.

[179] I took great pride in it.

[180] It felt like an accomplishment.

[181] And so I have the ability to identify with men easily and fast.

[182] And I love being around women and identify with it.

[183] But I find like, oh, I've had a lot of practice being in rooms where I've had to figure out very quickly how to fit in or whatever and navigate.

[184] And it's a skill.

[185] Like you just learn a skill to think anything else.

[186] And you're like, this is interesting.

[187] This is my forehand.

[188] Okay.

[189] Do I need to hit the ball with it as much?

[190] Should I work on my backhand?

[191] I don't know.

[192] I'm just digging this time.

[193] I was just saying a friend of mine the other day.

[194] There should be another term besides like midlife crisis.

[195] Like everyone likes to say she, he's having midlife crisis.

[196] I'd love to rebrand some version of that where you start having like a, I don't know, a midlife discovery or breakthrough.

[197] Renaissance.

[198] Oh, Renaissance.

[199] Midlife Renaissance.

[200] Midlife Renaissance.

[201] I do think, though, women, especially in comedy, I have found, love that sense of, like, I'm just one of the guys.

[202] And it's so patriarchal because all you're saying is like, I'm as good as the guys.

[203] I mean, I keep relearning that over and over again.

[204] You know, when I was coming up and like improvising on stage, it was a big deal to make sure that you were not sexualized in stage, you know?

[205] And that was self -imposed.

[206] It wasn't like anybody was telling me that.

[207] Nobody was wagging their finger at me. But I was, like, really making sure that my body was hidden under tons of, you know, mop turtlenecks, whatever I was wearing at the time, that that was like a successful way.

[208] At Improv Olympic, you famously would improv in a North Face gear.

[209] That's right.

[210] Head to toe sleeping back.

[211] Head to toe sleeping back.

[212] I feel like that, too, on improv.

[213] stages like, you know, by the time I came along, there was this whole indie improv scene that was huge.

[214] We'd have shows and we'd have to sit through many, many shows to wait for our turn.

[215] And would you judge people's outfits?

[216] The women, of course, the girls.

[217] It's like, oh my God, she's wearing a skirt.

[218] Like, you should not be wearing a skirt.

[219] You should be bun in your hair, zip up hoodie, tennis shoes.

[220] Yeah.

[221] I mean, I remember when I was producing Brad City, they had such funny stuff about living in New York City and walking around and being sexualized for no reason.

[222] And I remember being very maternal, like, you know, if this outfit is uncomfortable for you.

[223] And they were like, I picked it.

[224] Like, old lady, what's your problem?

[225] It's awesome.

[226] There are so many layers to it because, like, I'll watch Chelsea Handler's Instagram account and she'll show her boobs.

[227] And then to watch the comments on furl, it's like, it's feminist.

[228] No, it's anti -feminism.

[229] And it's like, oh my God, the scrutiny that's just on women in general.

[230] Like, I could be out.

[231] The worst that I would be accused of is just trying to show off my body.

[232] It wouldn't be a black spot on male progress.

[233] You're not taking men back 15 years.

[234] No, I'm not a representative of anything.

[235] And every woman is a representative of women.

[236] Yeah.

[237] That's right.

[238] And every project has to be speaking on behalf of all women and every failure is a failure that all women feel.

[239] I'm always fighting for us to just enjoy mediocrity, like the mediocre middle instead of everything having to be so loaded.

[240] And so I'm really trying to deliver that for you guys today.

[241] You've opened my eyes to like a couple of really interesting concepts that just really stuck with me. And you probably heard me repeated on here three dozen times, which is you are the first person that said to me, you know, I'll be doing a press line with Will.

[242] I'm right next to him.

[243] I can hear what they're asking him.

[244] we have the same two children we have the same fucking career and every goddamn question I'm kidding is how do you juggle this i .e. implication you're a shitty mom and no one's worried about how Will's doing people get really into the question where are your kids I've been asked that so many times like I've been asked a couple of times during press where people be like it's not even how are you doing it it's so where are they and I'm like right now And what they really wanted to say is where did you leave them?

[245] Yeah, who's taking care of them?

[246] Where did you leave them?

[247] Where did you deserve them?

[248] But I could talk about working my other stuff and I know you guys know it and you experience it with Kristen.

[249] Like the amount of conversations that I have when I'm talking about work about my kids is interesting.

[250] And the questions asked.

[251] And also just like even during this pandemic, every mom is.

[252] dad's and dad.

[253] Don't get me wrong.

[254] But moms are working from home.

[255] They're teaching their kids.

[256] It's just like, wow, we've found yet another way to make them feel bad is like they're not teaching their kids well enough.

[257] So there are a lot of questions are like, how are you doing it?

[258] Where are they?

[259] How are they doing?

[260] And really, it's always like, how are you doing?

[261] How are you doing a bad job is sometimes how you hear it at all.

[262] Yeah, so you did that one.

[263] And then there was another one.

[264] I don't know if you'll like this one, but I'm going to start by saying when I interviewed Common, I went and listened to his podcast and he had interviewed Tiffany Haddish, who he's with, which was its own funny thing because I had done that and it went terribly.

[265] And I was delighted to hear it had gone shitty for him too.

[266] But it started by him saying, do you remember when we first met at this party?

[267] And he said to her, like, yo, can you believe your billboards up here and your thing's there and you're on this hit thing?

[268] And you can you even believe this?

[269] And she said, I can.

[270] Can you?

[271] Oh, wow.

[272] And that was like, oh, get it, girl.

[273] I remember hearing that from Polar while we were promoting baby mama.

[274] Your face was all over every taxi cab.

[275] There were billboards, and you had some friends in, and some of them just couldn't comprehend it.

[276] And they kept asking you if you could comprehend it.

[277] And you're like, yeah, I've been working at this for fucking 20 years.

[278] Yes, this is the result of that.

[279] Yeah, you know, with some age and wisdom, realize that what they were.

[280] really we're saying is like, I haven't seen you in a long time, and I know this version of you.

[281] But again, not only with women, but often with women, there's this expectation to come at all of your hard work and success with a real sense of humility.

[282] Yeah.

[283] Like you, I have a little bit of oppositional defiance disorder, a little way, you know, like, if you're at a concert and someone's like, go this way, I'm like, well, what about that way?

[284] I don't like being told where to go.

[285] Oh, we're new.

[286] So I get kind of cocky in the moment, and it can be a little confusing.

[287] You know, I remember we were at Cannes or Con. I think it's Cannes.

[288] Again, I would hate someone who said can.

[289] I think it's Cam.

[290] Because they know, they've probably been, and they're probably from Connecticut.

[291] Totally.

[292] So I know.

[293] So I want you to know that I don't know.

[294] But I do know.

[295] I do know.

[296] This is like girls having to act dumb in Yeah, exactly.

[297] You're perpetuating that.

[298] But this is a higher calling.

[299] I know, you're right.

[300] We're in the movement.

[301] So I'm at this like dumb French thing.

[302] Hoity -toity.

[303] Hoity -toity.

[304] And we were there for, I think it was inside out, which was so awesome to be part of that movie, but I felt no claim in it.

[305] But there was some reporter or something that was like, can you believe that you're in?

[306] I think he was saying something like, can you believe it?

[307] You know, that was a just.

[308] And I remember just saying like, I can, yes.

[309] I've been doing a lot of work in animated films for a long time, and I'd like to think that Pete Doctors saw my work and thought I would be the right fit.

[310] And, like, yes, this makes sense to me. And everyone was like, and there's just always a little bit of an expectation that you're supposed to be like, thank you so much for the invite to the party and who am I to even be here, you know.

[311] It's just like the feminism thing, though, because there's like nine layers.

[312] So you're right.

[313] A, I think it's getting asked disproportionately to people of color, women, blah, blah, blah.

[314] But no one's surprised I got invited at a party.

[315] You know, they're not saying that to me, like they're saying it to you or Kristen or Monica, whoever else.

[316] And what is also true is you and I, or I'll speak for myself, I assume the absolute worst.

[317] So if you ask a question, I go to what could be the worst fucking subtext of this?

[318] So can you believe that?

[319] I hear you don't deserve this.

[320] That's literally what I hear.

[321] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[322] They might as said that I would have been just as offended.

[323] You don't deserve this.

[324] By the way, I don't even think I deserve it, yet I'll defend that I deserve it.

[325] A hardcore, you'll double down.

[326] And then I go home and I don't think I deserve it, which is why I'm so fucking defensive about it to begin with.

[327] Because no one deserves it.

[328] No kidding.

[329] I mean, yeah, exactly.

[330] Put the word deserves in quotes.

[331] I know, I'm trying to figure out, every time I get activated, as they say in therapy, every time I get activated, I'm like, ooh, ooh, what is this about?

[332] And I know you guys talk about this a lot on the show, which is like, basically the things that work for you, and get you to a certain place, like, suddenly you're like, are these things I want to hold on to?

[333] Like, yeah.

[334] That hutzpah, if you will, got me so far, like really, really far.

[335] And now I'm trying to, like, unravel a little bit and be like, okay.

[336] So when I get defensive that way, like, do I want to, I don't know, sit in the uncomfortableness of it and not do my usual thing.

[337] Yeah, it's - Counter -attack?

[338] Counter -attack?

[339] And quick thinking and self -advocating all that stuff is the stuff that I feel like I can do well.

[340] But now I'm like, is that working for me?

[341] You know, there's nothing I would rather do less than in real time say like, wow, that really hurt my feelings.

[342] Like I would rather pull my pants down than do that, right?

[343] I'm like, this motherfucker is never going to know that they hurt my feelings.

[344] They're never going to know.

[345] Yes.

[346] I won't give them the pleasure.

[347] Mm -mm.

[348] And it's just fun to think about what would be the thing that gives you the willies, like, that you'd have to try to do.

[349] That's it.

[350] It's embarrassingly hard because I'm sure every time you've done it, every time I've done it, I mean, literally almost 100%.

[351] That is met with, like, your dream reaction.

[352] Totally.

[353] And I like to think I'm a vulnerable person and I'm able to do all that work you're talking about in my own mind.

[354] it's just in the actual moment I can take it away and I can like they meant this and I meant this and I can I'm what you call like self -regulator like if there's a problem I'm like go into my ship close the thing I'll be back come out and you're like could you maybe work it out in real time with the person I mean I've heard you guys do that on the show it's fascinating because it's like any kind of couples therapy basically which is like in real time can you be interdependent?

[355] Can you stand being in front of the person that you're working it out with?

[356] And it's hard work.

[357] Yeah, I too do that.

[358] And by the way, I find that that's great progress for me to get in a fight with Bell and go, you know what?

[359] I'm really emotional about this cabinet door thing.

[360] I'm going to go in the bedroom and figure it out.

[361] And that's been a great bit of progress.

[362] But to what you just said, also in reality, I'm only comfortable if I can go figure it all out.

[363] I come out and I tell you everything I figured out.

[364] I now understand it completely.

[365] It's controlling.

[366] Yes.

[367] I'm the same way.

[368] Control is wonderful.

[369] Control is the best.

[370] It's the dream state.

[371] It's the dream state of being.

[372] It's the dream.

[373] It's like, I already felt it.

[374] I already know.

[375] I know what you're going to say.

[376] I know what I know what I did wrong.

[377] I figured it out.

[378] And I got a lesson to teach you.

[379] So while I was doing this work on myself, I figured something out about you that could be helpful.

[380] It's almost a detriment to be smart in that way, which you both are, and I like to think I am too.

[381] You're very.

[382] Which is like, yeah, you're thinking on all these levels and you're figuring it all out and you then arrive at the argument with everything laid out.

[383] You're the prosecutor of the argument.

[384] And then you get flustered because that person is a human who's going to say something you didn't expect.

[385] and then you get thrown off and then you have to go away again and it blows up.

[386] You know, it's like there's no resolution.

[387] Well, you've excluded the person from the whole process, really.

[388] Yeah.

[389] And you've avoided the feeling.

[390] Yes.

[391] It's like anything to avoid the feeling.

[392] I mean, it happens all the time in therapy where it's like, so maybe we should just sit with this feeling.

[393] I'm like, oh, sit with the feeling.

[394] I'd rather climb a mountain.

[395] Yeah.

[396] Than sit with the feeling.

[397] I've yet to do it.

[398] all that is, as I understand it, heading towards Buddhism.

[399] I think that's what Buddhism is, right?

[400] It's just like you have a constant fluctuation of emotions.

[401] You just experience them.

[402] You don't try to control them.

[403] You don't try to make them more heightened.

[404] You don't try to make them less.

[405] And it's actually the craving of a different state, which is the discomfort.

[406] And I feel like all of this therapy and all the AA stuff, ultimately is probably heading towards there.

[407] Well, one day I'll read a book maybe about Buddhism.

[408] I don't know.

[409] Are you into it?

[410] super into it super into buddhism this sounds so funny but this is why the pandemic is so fascinating because for control freaks when it started I kind of felt like that feeling like I had to go up on stage and give a speech and somebody like put acid in my coffee or something like I was like no no no no no no no I have so much to do I don't want to trip I don't want to trip right now I'm not in the mood I have to go give this speech and so the first couple weeks it felt like I was tripping and having to do really like adulty things, you know, give a speech, take care of my kids, all this stuff.

[411] Then I looked around, I got really resentful of the people that were having like good trips.

[412] Like, they were like, you know what I'm doing?

[413] I'm just gardening.

[414] And I was like, fuck you.

[415] Like, you know, and then I was like, well, this trip's going to take a while.

[416] I might as well get into it.

[417] And I got into it, sat down, tried to let go.

[418] And then I was like, okay, what am I supposed to learn while I'm here?

[419] Like, I better figure it out, let go with somebody.

[420] control, like, what can I do?

[421] And so now in that space, it's like, the trip is lasting a little longer than I was.

[422] This is a very strong blotter out.

[423] Does anybody have Xanax?

[424] Nobody has it.

[425] Okay.

[426] I'm drinking a couple of Heineken's, like, smoking pot and trying to lie down.

[427] Anyway, and so to your point, the sitting in the present moment that you're speaking of, that is, oh, it's like life's work.

[428] And this is making us do that over and over and over again.

[429] It's fascinating.

[430] Yeah, I learned how much I rely on things in the future.

[431] So my calendar generally has something coming up.

[432] And if I don't have that, this escape I have.

[433] It's scary.

[434] I'm like, I was going to sit here indefinitely.

[435] Okay.

[436] No movement.

[437] How will I distract myself?

[438] Exactly.

[439] I'm in my office right now.

[440] our whole calendar for this year, all of our production stuff that we're doing.

[441] And, you know, we had two shows that paused in New York that were getting ready to shoot and like all this stuff through shoot and press.

[442] It's all up on this board in different colored tape and all this stuff.

[443] And then at some point in May, I just came in and I took four pieces of paper and I just wrote, don't worry about it.

[444] And I just taped it over the board because it was like, it's gone.

[445] It's totally gone.

[446] And look, I realized that people's version.

[447] of that are a lot bleaker than what I'm describing.

[448] But the loss of control and the lessons they're in are like, you know, you don't get that in a lifetime, usually unless you're ill. Yeah, that's true.

[449] This is crazy.

[450] Like, I was even trying to figure out, is there a neutral way I could talk about this time?

[451] So I was thinking, like, maybe I should call it the pause.

[452] Like, maybe that's what I should call it.

[453] Because it does feel like everything is truly paused.

[454] I think it's a little bit too like the nude photos when you're younger in that I had some awareness that I know I'm going to look back on this and go like, holy shit, that was a crazy once in 10 generations gift.

[455] And what a fucking waste that I didn't enjoy it.

[456] Like, you know, you'll hear people that were on Seinfeld going like, yeah, I just wish I had realized I was on.

[457] I'm like, oh yeah, I kind of, I have that feeling a lot like in retrospect.

[458] So yeah, I kind of had that thought of like, I better enjoy this because it's it's so rare and I bet I'll miss it.

[459] I just want to echo what you're saying is it's just very hard to not know what comes next, even though we don't, but for people like, here I go, for people like you and me, it's really hard.

[460] You mean twins?

[461] Identical twins?

[462] I'm the twin that didn't get any nutrients.

[463] Like I was born really good.

[464] Oh, no, no, no. You got all the brains.

[465] You got everything.

[466] My therapist at the very beginning of the pandemic said something really interesting.

[467] She was like, the pandemic makes us feel like we're out of control, but really what it's doing is highlighting that we never had control.

[468] And that's really hard for our brains to comprehend.

[469] I think about this story a friend told me a long time ago, which is a girl, and again, this could be a made -up story.

[470] But they told me a story about a girl who was walking in like the Swiss Alps or something with her friend and she's walking in the snow and it's nighttime and they're at a ski resort and they're talking and chatting.

[471] It's really dark, and she hears her friend go, that's it.

[472] And then 20 seconds later, a big smash.

[473] And then 10 seconds later, another smash.

[474] And they had been walking on the side of a mountain for 20 minutes.

[475] And this girl stepped wrong and fell off the mountain.

[476] Again, this could be like some children's book that people are pretending actually happening.

[477] I could be.

[478] So if there's any listeners that are like, yeah, I just read that to my kids today.

[479] But I think about it all the time is that we are, like, always walking.

[480] You know, if we knew how little control we had, we would not be able to handle it.

[481] I know I pretend I have a ton.

[482] Well, conversely, if you were the girl on this walk and this really happened, also contact us so we can substantiate this.

[483] Yeah.

[484] We're assuming the worst.

[485] Yeah, maybe it was a small drop.

[486] And Dax and I would just love to maybe take a meeting and, I don't know, make a movie out of your story and just.

[487] Yeah, probably, we'll probably go the streaming route now, just given the business.

[488] Yeah, limited series, like something fun for HBOMAX.

[489] So limited.

[490] Oh, my God, from now on, we should refer to shows that we don't sell as super limited series.

[491] Yeah.

[492] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[493] We've all been there.

[494] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, and fevers and strange rashes.

[495] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[496] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[497] Hey, listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[498] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[499] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[500] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[501] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[502] What's up, guys?

[503] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[504] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[505] Every episode, I bring on a full.

[506] friend and have a real conversation.

[507] And I don't mean just friends.

[508] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[509] The list goes on.

[510] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[511] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[512] Can I talk about how fun it was to make baby mama with you?

[513] Because I have such fun memories of you and I doing that together.

[514] I really like it's just when I think back on it, it's nothing but like, fun, laughs, goof arounds.

[515] Yes, so here's a couple of compliments I'm going to force you to listen to.

[516] And I've set them on here, and you've probably heard them, which is one of my favorite things about you.

[517] And a thing that I most admire about you is that you have always gone out of your way to bring everyone up with you.

[518] And I have not done that.

[519] Like, I have been so fearful so many times.

[520] Like, I don't even know if I'm here.

[521] I don't think I have the leverage to bring anyone else.

[522] And it's shameful.

[523] There are times that I could have done it and I haven't.

[524] And you've always, always done it.

[525] It's so impressive and admirable.

[526] And then I ended up being one of those people.

[527] So we met, because Will and I were doing Let's Go to Prison.

[528] I liked you immediately.

[529] I remember you visiting in Illinois.

[530] And I was like, I felt like Bill Murray was there because I was legitimately, legitimately you were my favorite S &L cast member of like a decade.

[531] I just was obsessed with how great you were and you're taken.

[532] So I was a legit fan when you showed up.

[533] It was so exciting.

[534] Then we got along really well.

[535] And then I had a few stinkers.

[536] in a row, that movie included.

[537] I don't think anyone was dying to put me in a movie.

[538] And you really went to bat and you're like, you guys are hiring Dax to play Carl Loomis.

[539] And that'll be that.

[540] We'll see you guys at the table read.

[541] And we got to do that.

[542] Oh, did I have to go to talking about corrupting our story?

[543] Did I have to go to bat for you?

[544] I don't imagine I did.

[545] I just want to pause you there to say, I wonder if, I mean, I was 100 % excited about it.

[546] And I like him like, Chris and I have no memory, so you're the memory keeper.

[547] And by the way, congratulations, because then you get to tell the story.

[548] But I remember everyone being excited.

[549] I'm just going to say that.

[550] It was not any kind of convincing that had to be done.

[551] And I could be dead wrong, and that would be even better.

[552] But yeah, I was remembering hearing from my agent like, this person maybe doesn't blah, blah, blah.

[553] And I knew you were in my corner.

[554] And then there was a table read.

[555] Once we had a table read, I think everyone was pretty pumped because we had such a seamless dirtbag rapport.

[556] This really does fit in with your narrative.

[557] They're like, no one believed in me, but I proved myself.

[558] Oh, that's a good point.

[559] That's a really good point.

[560] The other side of that would be for me, which is like, and I didn't even want it.

[561] Yeah, exactly.

[562] I mean, that's the part of that.

[563] I told this story in my book that I wrote, but I can remember, like, when I was really nervous, I'd get really, like, when I would audition for stuff that I really wanted, I just get, like, really sleepy, really apathetic.

[564] And I can remember auditioning for the Cohen, Brewer.

[565] brothers.

[566] And, you know, I love them and, of course, want to be in their movie.

[567] And I was just doing badly.

[568] And I was just like, I just got an attitude.

[569] Like, huh?

[570] Like, I just remember being like, I guess I don't really want this.

[571] And I'm like, I'm sure they have no memory of this.

[572] But I remember there, them kind of be like, oh, are you mad at us?

[573] Like in the middle of the audition.

[574] Well, by the way, it's a very potent strategy in high school when you don't love your looks.

[575] You're kind of nagging, you were nagging the Cohen brothers.

[576] I'm actually shocked it didn't work.

[577] Oh, I know what you mean, because it works a lot.

[578] Yes, that's what sucks.

[579] It bears fruit.

[580] I think I just wasn't that good enough to even have that work in my favor.

[581] I was not nailing it.

[582] Okay, back to baby mama, though.

[583] What a fucking blast.

[584] What a blast.

[585] Probably more of a blast for me because I was only working two or three days a week.

[586] You had written it with Tina and you guys were very, very busy.

[587] But I got to come in and just party with you two.

[588] And again, sincerely just admired the fuck out of both.

[589] of you and just felt the whole time I was there, like, I am so lucky to be at this party.

[590] I was very present, which is rare for me. I was not thinking, oh, this may lead to X, Y, or Z. I was just there enjoying getting to act with you.

[591] And my God, did we have fun?

[592] I can remember, too, we were setting up the shot of you peeling out.

[593] And, you know, it was important to you that you'd do the car stunt, which at the time, which at the time, I did, you know, I had no sense of, I know nothing about cars so you're a new yorker why would you but i remember that and then when you did it i was like wow okay i was i was impressed dax but also i remember that being a whole that being a whole thing you know what i remember from that thing because that was the my girl does not rocks part that's right that's right i remember after a take i came back up to like reset with you and you go um well you can go to a hundred pretty quick huh Oh, my God.

[594] What an awful thing to say.

[595] No, I took it as such a compliment.

[596] Okay.

[597] It is a compliment.

[598] I think you were telling me I was like, good.

[599] I remember that fondly.

[600] Here we go with the story.

[601] I know.

[602] I always say to directors, like, I'm like, feel free to tell me, you know, I can be like a radio that's on too loud when you turn your car on.

[603] Because I'm always amazed at people who can stay still.

[604] Oh, isn't it the greatest challenge?

[605] Funny enough, I was watching the trailer for your movie.

[606] that you just directed.

[607] And literally my first thought was, wow, Babers is so calm and still in this.

[608] Babers, thank you for saying that.

[609] I worked so hard because I was like, stop moving.

[610] Stop moving.

[611] Stop moving.

[612] And, you know, if you're going to get real deep, it's like, just stop performing.

[613] Just stop because, I mean, I don't even know how much I move around.

[614] And it's deep to be quiet and still to just take up the space, you know?

[615] It's so hard.

[616] And for some people, it's very easy.

[617] For me, it is I'm not enough unless I've got the volume cranked.

[618] There's no way I'm enough.

[619] You can't put any camera at me and have me just sit there for five minutes and have anyone interested.

[620] It's like just a lack of esteem, I guess.

[621] It is.

[622] And it's also like, I think it's also just like straight up physical practice.

[623] Like, how long can you tolerate, like, can you go 10 more seconds every day before you answer back?

[624] You know, again, what's the stuff that I take pride in that I'm like quick -witted and I can be fast and I make fast decisions and I, people can depend on my fastest.

[625] And then it's like, huh, so what if I took 10 more a second?

[626] You know, a big revelation for me in my 40s, most people know this, but I would say to men and women alike is, you know, when somebody asks you something, in real time, you can just say, let me think about it.

[627] And that let me think about it can just create the moment where you actually get to think about it.

[628] That is a learned behavior.

[629] Yeah.

[630] Yeah, that says weakness to me. I'm so weak.

[631] Yeah.

[632] That I wouldn't immediately know.

[633] Yeah.

[634] Oh, my God.

[635] It's shameful.

[636] But do you apply that to work like directing?

[637] Because I think that I'm learning that really confident people.

[638] can sit in, you know, if someone says, what should we do the scene this way, this way?

[639] And they can sit and go, huh.

[640] And then we can all, like, just be okay with that director thinking in real time and me, and like watching them weigh what you asked.

[641] Like, that is to me like, oh, wow, that is really powerful.

[642] Mm -hmm.

[643] You know, not exploiting it, not like, not all just, all sitting around watching.

[644] Get my chair, please.

[645] I'm going to think about this.

[646] I mean, I remember I was doing SNL one time and you know, you're blocking the scenes you'll have these like in -between moments with the host that are just these small talky moments.

[647] Christopher Walken, undoubtedly probably one of the most eccentric people ever, right?

[648] Sure.

[649] We were doing some scene and we had to sit down at a table and wait for them to figure out some camera thing and he just sat in complete silence.

[650] Oh, wow.

[651] And I was, didn't want to bother him.

[652] And then I started being like, wow, how long is this going to go?

[653] How long are we got?

[654] And, you know, it was like a Pixar journey in my head of how much I wanted to talk and not talk and sweating and then not sweating and then getting mad at him and then thinking he was amazing, whatever.

[655] Idolizing him, hating him, vilifying and worshiping him.

[656] I don't think the same journey was going on in his head, but.

[657] No, when I get into an elevator with four strangers, my very, very.

[658] first thought is, well, this is on me. I'm going to have to be the one in this elevator that's going to make everyone feel okay.

[659] This is so awkward and it's on me. And here we go.

[660] Oh, Dax, I so feel you because I just, I love to entertain.

[661] I take great pride to people feeling good and secure and safe.

[662] I like doing the things.

[663] Like Monica, I really relate to this idea that I hear sometimes for me, which is like, you know, I take pride in doing a job well and I'm really drawn to people who do their jobs well.

[664] I don't care what you do.

[665] If you do it well, like you're attractive to me. You know, that's like doing a job well.

[666] I take great pride in it and I respect people that do.

[667] But it just then carries over into all this other like stuff that's so the elevator is yeah why do you have to be the person of the other mirror that's talking to everybody that is what has led to social anxiety with me being recognizable because in an interaction I think you signed up for an experience and I got to give it to you right now you know I don't know that I can always give you that experience and I feel the weight of that expectation which by the way they probably don't even have it's all me but I'm like oh I just don't know if I can deliver all the time well try being Leslie note and people are like And I'm just like, I'm sorry, I can't talk right now.

[668] And their faces, their faces just go, they're just so disappointed.

[669] Yeah, yeah.

[670] So maybe we're right.

[671] They are expecting a pretty good show.

[672] Yeah, and, you know.

[673] And they deserve it.

[674] And also, you know, you get this thing a lot.

[675] You know, if Angelina Jolie's in the room, it's not like people go up to Angelina Jolie.

[676] They go, oh, my God, Angelina Jolie is here.

[677] Oh, my God.

[678] But when you're a person that people have in your living rooms, they feel like they know you, they go up to you and they're like, you, do the thing.

[679] Do the thing that you, you know, and.

[680] Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick.

[681] Totally.

[682] You know, because I don't take pictures of anybody.

[683] Right, right, right, right.

[684] I'm totally fine with that.

[685] Yeah.

[686] But it was a very, very hard process to get there because I wanted people to feel good.

[687] Who am I to say no to this?

[688] Yeah.

[689] All this stuff.

[690] A little bit of the Boston thing.

[691] Oh, you're too good to...

[692] Oh, 100.

[693] Are you kidding me?

[694] Like, everyone's like, oh, look at you.

[695] Good for you.

[696] Like, oh, must be nice.

[697] Good for you.

[698] Okay, all right.

[699] All right, Miss Fancy.

[700] No, no. No, do your thing.

[701] But, you know, go back to Hollywood.

[702] Let's forget about us.

[703] Every sentence is one away from go fuck yourself.

[704] You was wondering, how far will it go before I hear it?

[705] Always.

[706] I mean, you know, Monica, when you talk about Goodwell hunting, like, I can't even, I can't, I'm such a self -hating Boston.

[707] I can't even watch Goodwell hunting.

[708] Oh, no. I love it.

[709] I love it.

[710] I'm just saying that Boston thing is so...

[711] I grew up with it, so I'm just like, oh!

[712] You know, you'll see somebody from home and you'll be like, hey, how are you doing?

[713] And they'll be like, oh, what, you want to talk about me?

[714] No, let's talk about you.

[715] And I'm like, no, let's talk about you.

[716] Wait, it wasn't my point.

[717] Anyway, but...

[718] Oh, you know what?

[719] Kind of sealed a deal in a nice way, like where I was like, oh, I can connect.

[720] is I would get kind of nervous physically when people want to put their arm around me. Yeah.

[721] Because it just started getting a little, and it wasn't, nobody was, for the most part, nobody's trying to be weird.

[722] And the physicalness, like, started getting me in my head, like where I didn't know where to stand and they didn't know where to stand.

[723] And that became, like, a way, weirdly, instead of advocating for, like, actually boundaries and what I wanted, that became a way in to be like, in my head, to be like, I don't, I don't really, pictures make me kind of uncomfortable because they do.

[724] They do.

[725] Yeah.

[726] Oh, my.

[727] God, there's nothing I hate more than having my photograph taken.

[728] It is.

[729] Me too.

[730] It's my worst nightmare.

[731] I was doing this show with Ashton a couple years ago and he said, hey, they asked if we could like, if I could tweet a picture or whatever it was to announce your arrival on the show, we just grab a selfie.

[732] I'm like, yeah.

[733] He holds the fucking camera at his kneecap and blast him.

[734] Because he can.

[735] Yes, because he has the freedom to hold a camera wherever he wants to.

[736] And I was watching him cue up this photo.

[737] And I was like, kuch, no way!

[738] You got to be like eight inches above my nose.

[739] Yeah, yeah.

[740] People like him do not understand.

[741] They don't understand.

[742] They don't.

[743] They never will.

[744] They never will.

[745] They really won't.

[746] They really won't because he looks like a space deer, like a gorgeous deer.

[747] A space sex deer.

[748] Sex deer.

[749] I mean, I remember when J -Lo hosted SNL and the camera just kept moving in, moving in.

[750] And I was like, prettier and pretty.

[751] the closer.

[752] I was like, who can manage?

[753] That is amazing.

[754] Amazing.

[755] I always say to photographers, I'm like, eyes and a mouth.

[756] That's all I want to see.

[757] I want to be blown out.

[758] And I just want to see two eyes and a mouth.

[759] And everything else is like, I mean, and also people think like, well, you don't want to look good, right?

[760] I mean, you.

[761] You know, it happens all the time where you go to a photo shoot and they're like, so we're going to do this thing where you have barbecue sauce.

[762] over your face.

[763] And you're like, I wouldn't mind.

[764] I mean, I guess I wouldn't mind trying to look good and you're like, why?

[765] Oh, wow.

[766] Why start now?

[767] Oh, my goodness.

[768] Okay.

[769] So building on the compliment you're not going to like to hear.

[770] You're going to hate this, but I'm going to say it.

[771] You've taken on a role that's much different than just you're a comedian.

[772] I think you represent so many things.

[773] for feminism that are incredible.

[774] And I wonder what the evolution is.

[775] I know your mom was pretty vocal and into feminism in some capacity.

[776] Is that accurate?

[777] That's not accurate.

[778] Well, that's a great question because my mom would say she was a child of the 50s, real good girl, Catholic school girl, smart student.

[779] My mom is a really warm, friendly person who in the 70s like just, you know, was realizing that she was the generation that, like, had to choose between being a teacher and a nurse.

[780] Yeah.

[781] She's kind of in that generation, like, overeducated, underutilized.

[782] So she experienced the 70s as a young woman, but she also had me when she was really young.

[783] You know, she was like 23.

[784] So I would say definitely my mom identifies as that for sure.

[785] And I would say acted like that.

[786] But she probably would say that she went through a lot of different.

[787] versions of herself because of when she was born.

[788] And so I am the daughter of a lot of women my age whose moms really kind of whispered to them like you can do anything you want, like really imbue them with a big sense of confidence.

[789] Yeah.

[790] And I will say my dad is kind of like a street smarts kind of guy.

[791] Bill?

[792] Yeah, Bill's a little bit of a hustler.

[793] Sure, sure.

[794] He's hard scrabble.

[795] He had a much tougher childhood and kind of came through it and was this like, you know, high school athlete and, you know, mom was the one that he got that he felt like, whoa, like out of my league.

[796] And he says it all the time.

[797] But my dad gave me a lot of confidence.

[798] And I think about your daughter's dachs because when you have a dad who as a woman, as a young girl, gives you a lot of attention and confidence, it's very, very special.

[799] It's just very, very very.

[800] special when your father pays attention to you when you're a girl.

[801] And I say that because I know a lot of people whose dad's, it wasn't that they weren't necessarily bad to them or, you know, a dismissive of them.

[802] They just like didn't get their attention.

[803] So you can't get your dad's attention.

[804] It can really throw off your compass a little bit.

[805] Yeah.

[806] So my dad was like a little bit of like, he gave me a lot of confidence that I was, you know, very tough enough, right?

[807] Tough.

[808] Yeah.

[809] Yeah.

[810] Yeah.

[811] And that helped a lot.

[812] Helped a lot.

[813] Yeah.

[814] I find myself, I even have to rein myself in how much, yeah, I'm trying to say that to them.

[815] Well, it's got a backfire.

[816] I mean, you know.

[817] Yeah, no matter what.

[818] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[819] But when we interviewed Hillary, who you and I both love, like crazy, the thing I was so grateful to her for, sincerely, is that I have that documentary to show my daughters like to your point the many roles she had to take on that were not her because she's so fiercely pragmatic that's what was so heartbreaking about it was like okay i'll change my fucking name and we're having a kid and now you're going to get reelected because i care so much about what we could do to arkansas and having to make those compromises it's so heartbreaking when you watch it today and to have That to show my daughters I'm so grateful to, and this is the part you won't like.

[820] You too are somebody.

[821] I'm so grateful that I'll be able to point to as someone who had the confidence to be herself, brought people with her, hired all women for a production company, redefined weekend update, redefine what it is to host the Golden Globes, all on your terms, all through being powerful and the unique way that you are, I'm genuinely thrilled that this is the generation my kids are growing up in, that we have you.

[822] Thank you, Babers.

[823] That's so nice.

[824] I mean it.

[825] Oh, I really want to make a joke, but I'm just going to sit.

[826] Oh, look at this.

[827] We'll be back in five minutes.

[828] We're going to go to a Mi -Undi's commercial when we come back.

[829] I'm going to sit in Mi -Undi's in it.

[830] I'm going to sit in Mi -Uffili's.

[831] Sit in Mi -Uffili's.

[832] You guys need to do an ad for me feelings.

[833] Ooh, me feelings are so tight and cozy.

[834] Thank you.

[835] Look, I made a joke.

[836] Thank you for that.

[837] Thank you for that.

[838] I appreciate it.

[839] I mean, that interview was amazing.

[840] More and more, I'm drawn, and this is why I love your show, this is why I'm drawn to people exposing the process of how they're thinking, like how they get there.

[841] and I love watching people, you know, may we be blessed to keep decade after decade making different mistakes and getting things wrong and then figuring them out.

[842] Like, it's very, very hard to stay flexible, the older you get.

[843] You just find yourself, you know, I was saying the other day, you know, I was like hearing what my boys were watching on YouTube.

[844] I was like, that is not, it's just not funny.

[845] It's not funny.

[846] It's just stupid.

[847] That guy is not funny, you know.

[848] And it's just like, whether you mean to or not, you start doing it.

[849] You start getting tight, getting physically, emotionally, tight.

[850] And then if you really get scared, you start feeling laughed out and you're like brittle.

[851] I just love when people try to stay nimble.

[852] I love the messiness of that.

[853] So I love what you guys do.

[854] And I love that interview.

[855] And I love that bigger picture thing of like, what is a woman like Hillary's journey through, generationally through all this stuff, you know, we're really, we're really quick all the time to apply present day thinking to everything.

[856] Yeah, yeah.

[857] You know, we were born in the 70s, like, I didn't have internet in college, but it's...

[858] I try my hardest to empathize with some of the people, the getting older part, I was always a part of that change.

[859] So the direction was always moving in.

[860] I was always championing or maybe I was even in the front of it.

[861] And now I realize, oh, now the change is going beyond me. and certain things that I bought into, which is like, I'm going to work hard, I'm going to figure out how to make money, and I'm going to buy awesome race cars.

[862] That's my whole life goal.

[863] I finally did it.

[864] Here we are.

[865] Guess what, man. They kill the fucking planet.

[866] And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. That wasn't part of the fucking deal.

[867] I grew up in Detroit.

[868] That wasn't, but now I'm here.

[869] Now I get to get the thing I, you know.

[870] And I'm like mad about that.

[871] I'm pissed.

[872] I can't just ethically go fucking.

[873] drag racing.

[874] And I think there's many little things like that that even the older people in Corona, I get it.

[875] It's like work hard, save your money, retire, enjoy life.

[876] Stay inside indefinitely?

[877] No, that's not what I agreed to.

[878] But also like what you said, our narratives and our identity, if I think most younger people feel like I'm on the cutting edge, I'm progressive, everyone thinks they're progressive until they're at an age where there's generation that's much more progressive than you and it like fucks with your identity because like my parents are so their identity is that they're so pragmatic and they're so you know the fact that they are not taking corona as seriously as me is a shock to all of us like no one can understand it because that is their whole thing is safety and this and I'm like wait but you guys are not doing it right and I think they can't take that in I can't even take that like it's it's It's so bizarre when you have these identities that get usurped by the younger generation.

[879] In the same way that I love to like talk about class and apply class when it doesn't really, you know, when it isn't called for.

[880] I'm the same way with what you're talking about generationally because I'm a, I'm really obsess with that.

[881] I'm a Gen Xer.

[882] I have boomer parents.

[883] Gen Xers are like feeling the really big squeeze.

[884] They have little kids and aging parents.

[885] And it's fascinating how many parents boomer parents are just like, you know, being like, well, I can still go to a restaurant.

[886] You know, and I know like, no. And this feeling of being correntified, you're suddenly worrying about them.

[887] It's so, and then me, the Gen Xer is like looking at, you know, Gen Z being like, get back in your house.

[888] Like you just feel like, you know, you're just like, get your mess on.

[889] It's like, come out of your parties and get back in your house.

[890] I don't know.

[891] And then also, it's so funny, but I can talk about Gen X forever because I take great pride in being Jen X. because I love that nobody cares about Gen X. Nobody talks about it.

[892] We get totally ignored.

[893] People think we're boomers.

[894] You know, like, you know, like my kids will be like, okay, boomer.

[895] And I'm like, I am not a boomer.

[896] I think I did that to you recently.

[897] Yeah.

[898] You think I'm 65 all the time.

[899] Yeah, anybody under 30 thinks anybody over 40 is 65.

[900] As they should.

[901] When I think they got to my elementary teachers, you know, I'm certain they were like 48, 50 years.

[902] old.

[903] And they just aren't.

[904] I know the general age now that my kids are in elementary is those teachers are in their 20s.

[905] Oh, God.

[906] But I was certain of it.

[907] Wait, I want to piggyback real quick on the compliment showering in your story being one to pass down.

[908] Because I'm just never in this position where the events of our guest lives have affected my life so profoundly.

[909] because UCBU is my world for so long.

[910] And what I think so amazing is it's you and three men in a very male -dominated profession group, you know, everything.

[911] And you were always the person that everyone wanted to see, that everyone was excited about that was, you know, sorry to Ian and the mats, but the best.

[912] And it was such a wonderful thing as a girl.

[913] and comedy to be like, no, but the best one is her.

[914] It was really, really important, I think.

[915] I feel so happy that UCB is part of your experience.

[916] Because I do feel it's a shared experience.

[917] It isn't just mine.

[918] And the experience of building it, it was truly like a four -headed experience.

[919] You know, Ian Matt and Matt, and we really all worked together in different ways.

[920] And thank you for saying that.

[921] I feel like anytime I hear somebody feel like they feel like they feel.

[922] found their people there.

[923] I do feel in a very big picture way so grateful.

[924] Yeah.

[925] Because I think the world is very lonely.

[926] And in any way that we can find people that we call our people, especially when we're doing the kind of work we're doing, which is like very vulnerable, heavy rejection.

[927] Like it's just, it's competitive.

[928] This is neither here nor there, but I don't know why it just immediately shot into my head you were pregnant and I don't think anyone knew and you are at my house and you were looking outside at my mom and my stepdad hugging and you started bawling uncontrollably what a sweetie pie they were the cutest couple but also like I mean it hit you like a fridge.

[929] Yeah.

[930] What a cute moment.

[931] Your mom.

[932] Your mom is really something else.

[933] And he was so great.

[934] Yes.

[935] And, God, that is so long ago, Dax.

[936] But it's not.

[937] But it is.

[938] I know.

[939] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[940] If you dare.

[941] I wanted to tell you one story.

[942] I don't know if I've ever told you.

[943] And then I want to talk, of course, about Moxie.

[944] We all went one time to one of those night before parties.

[945] It was like a night before television party.

[946] Oh, yeah, yeah, yep, yep.

[947] And I was just, I think maybe Kristen and I had been together maybe like six months, eight months.

[948] And we all hung out.

[949] And it was you, Tina, myself, Will, Kristen, and maybe Carrie Russell or something.

[950] And we just had a, it was the funnest night.

[951] Like, it was one of those things where those parties are awkward.

[952] There's a million people there.

[953] And then I was like, oh, my God.

[954] I feel like I got picked for the good kickball team.

[955] Here we are.

[956] We're safe.

[957] We're going to laugh at all this silliness.

[958] So the next day, Kristen and I went for a hike.

[959] In fact, I asked her if I could tell this story.

[960] We're on a hike the next day, and she's blue.

[961] Like, I can feel that she's blue.

[962] And I go, what's going on?

[963] And she goes, I don't know, just thinking about, I'm not funny.

[964] You know, I'm not funny.

[965] And I said, well, you're very funny.

[966] And she goes, no, I just.

[967] you know, Tina and Amy, and I go, yeah, Tina and Amy, the two funniest women of the last 40 years.

[968] People.

[969] I mean, just, yeah.

[970] I can see where you might feel like you're not as funny as the two funniest women of the last couple decades.

[971] And it was just so wonderful.

[972] And it's what happens to us because you get to sit next to it.

[973] And you're just, everyone's a human.

[974] And then you really, you go home and you've, you've compared yourself to these two people that have been working together as a comedy.

[975] team for 18 years and you kind of evaluate yourself against them and it's just so fucking comical and her of all people too right that's what i was going to say her of all people also she knows she is so funny and she doesn't need me to tell her that but she knows that but she also knows and we all know everybody does that every single person at every party in every moment myself included goes home and has like take stock i just i'm like i can't believe I said that stupid thing.

[976] And, like, I was trying so hard and I was talking so loud.

[977] Or, you know, oh, I pretended like I didn't care and I care so much.

[978] Everybody does it.

[979] And I'm not funny.

[980] I'm not talented.

[981] I'm not.

[982] It's like, if you don't do that, you're a psychopath.

[983] Oh, that's a good way to look at it.

[984] Yeah.

[985] Sometimes I'm mad at myself for that.

[986] But you're right.

[987] I would be a piece of shit if I didn't do that.

[988] Well, you'd actually have, like, a behavioral disorder.

[989] If you went to a gigantic Hollywood party with every single person, you know, whose work you appreciated if you were like, I nailed it.

[990] You would be a serial killer.

[991] That's a great point.

[992] That's a great point.

[993] You have to a serial killer.

[994] Okay, I want to talk about Moxie because, like, I knew what the premise was before I saw the trailer.

[995] I was very bummed.

[996] I couldn't watch it last night.

[997] I was hoping to have a link and I didn't.

[998] Regardless.

[999] He looked at me like I was my fault.

[1000] No, I didn't.

[1001] I didn't even look at you.

[1002] Well, this happened with Carrie Mulligan's movie, too.

[1003] What's going on?

[1004] Yeah, we have issues.

[1005] Okay, sorry.

[1006] We'll make it work.

[1007] Look, we have some areas we could grow in, and that's certainly one of them.

[1008] I feel like this is a Rob issue.

[1009] I'm sorry.

[1010] Why are we not?

[1011] Why are these links not working?

[1012] Wobby -wob.

[1013] Yeah, I'd love to get an email, Rob, letting me know that this is fixed.

[1014] Because I'm going to think about this.

[1015] As soon as this is cleared up, please hit me. But anyways, I thought, what an awesome thing for you to direct because of what we just talked about, you having navigated all these male spaces, you being someone that's very vocally outspoken about these unfair things that happen to women.

[1016] And then to my great relief, not told in the most precious, annoying way where I'm like, oh, you know, because when you hear the premise, I'm a little bit like, I hope it's not, you know.

[1017] Oh, you mean you don't get excited when a movie tells you was going to teach you something?

[1018] Well, what do you mean?

[1019] Well, as we already covered, You want me to not do something?

[1020] Just tell me to do it.

[1021] It could be something I've been dying to do for 20 years.

[1022] All you've got to do is say, go do that, and I won't.

[1023] Yeah.

[1024] Yeah, there's nothing worse than TV and movies being homework.

[1025] So, Moxie is a movie.

[1026] It's going to be on Netflix.

[1027] March 3rd.

[1028] March 3rd.

[1029] It is based off of a YA novel written by Jennifer Mattoe, and she's a high school teacher, and she basically, you know, set the novel in a high school, and it's about one young girl shy.

[1030] She wins most obedient in her high school and is trying to just kind of get through school with her head down and her group of friends kind of run the gamut of being very involved and very vocal and being very nervous to participate.

[1031] So it's watching the journey of one person figure out, what do I care about, how do I want to try to make change?

[1032] Am I the person to do it?

[1033] And in the meantime, she gathers these other young women in her life who kind of take over what she starts.

[1034] And I, I play her mom, who is my age, like X, you know, yeah, 39, my age.

[1035] Just on the eve of 40.

[1036] Just can't wait to hit 40.

[1037] So excited for what it brings.

[1038] Big party plan.

[1039] Big part.

[1040] I just, I mean, I'm just, yeah, I'm not afraid of the number.

[1041] Let's just say that.

[1042] And who, you know, had a riot girl kind of, you know, feminist experience and realizes that that was limited and needs to be updated, but assumed her daughter would be this kind of outspoken rebel and she actually has this introverted good, you know, what I dug about it is there's so many, and this is a patriarchal storytelling arc, which is always like, the outsider who goes in there and tells me, and it's like, oh my God, look at him go.

[1043] And I think that the journey of the reluctant person doesn't know how to make themselves the lead of their own story.

[1044] He thinks maybe by not participating, they'll kind of skate through.

[1045] Like, I think it's an interesting place to be because not everyone is comfortable in that front and center.

[1046] their spot.

[1047] But it's funny and it's all incredible cast, really super young people who yeah, super inspiring to be around and they're doing great work in their own lives too, like they're incredible thought leaders and challenging the status quo to your point Monica.

[1048] Like they're so progressive and so interesting and kept me on my toes in terms of how to think about things.

[1049] Well, one thing I liked is like some of the dudes get on board with the movement and they think it's really hot.

[1050] And then the guys like, Like, should I, do you want to go in first?

[1051] Or I shouldn't have said that.

[1052] Should I have offered you?

[1053] And she's like, no, no, I like that.

[1054] Like, I liked that.

[1055] It's like all the things.

[1056] It's not like this very narrow view of what it means to be heard and appreciated.

[1057] I don't want to gender ideas, but I am always drawn.

[1058] And I don't know if this is female or not, but I'm drawn like in the way that people are unsure of what is right.

[1059] And sometimes, you know, like, this is the way to do things.

[1060] It's certainly like, look, none of us really know what we're doing.

[1061] We're making mistakes left and right, all that stuff.

[1062] Also, I just love high school movies.

[1063] Like, I grew up John Hughes.

[1064] Like, I love the archetypes of, and there's so much a juicy, like, Monica, there's so much romance and juicy, like, high school feelings that I love.

[1065] Lurting.

[1066] Yes, flirting.

[1067] And what is, like, the new version of, like, the dreamy boy?

[1068] Like, what does he look like now?

[1069] And we're delivering on that with Maxie.

[1070] I have to say this kid, Nico Haraga, who plays Seth is incredible.

[1071] And Hadley Robinson is, anyway, the cast is really good.

[1072] And I just feel like it will scratch some old nostalgic high school itches of what it felt like, like, what kind of person am I?

[1073] Where do I fit in?

[1074] Yeah.

[1075] But yeah, to your point, Dax, I agree.

[1076] I mean, I think, like, it's hard to tell, you know, nobody's one thing anymore.

[1077] There's no, like, so many high school things are, like, super cool.

[1078] Like, kids are, like, partying in a house and Mall Holland.

[1079] And I'm like, who's fucking high school?

[1080] Like, I'm like, what high school experience is this?

[1081] Like, who was ever this cool in high school?

[1082] They go to a lot of parties where I booty dance.

[1083] Monaco was pretty irregular on the booty dance scene.

[1084] Yeah, well, you know.

[1085] I know.

[1086] Babers, another thing we love.

[1087] Boy, do we love to dance, don't we?

[1088] You know why we love to dance?

[1089] Because we're fucking good at it.

[1090] We love it because we're good at it.

[1091] That's right.

[1092] Well, that is right.

[1093] I didn't like to do one thing I looked stupid doing.

[1094] But Monica and I got a little bit of a tip because I found out that all of her dancing, she went out dancing quite a bit in college, but it was just booty dancing.

[1095] And I was like, were you literally just sat there and grinded on something?

[1096] She said, yes.

[1097] And I said, I don't know if I'm going to categorize that as dancing.

[1098] Like, I need more moves.

[1099] I need to see you work the floor.

[1100] I need you to change up what's happening footwork -wise.

[1101] I listen to that conversation.

[1102] Oh, okay.

[1103] I'm going to take Monica's side because - Thank you.

[1104] dancing is whatever it's right to me the thing that qualifies it as dancing is just like a little bit of vulnerable movement yeah you know like getting out there and moving is very exposing and when people do it and they're confident like that's all you know you've talked about it you're done you you've won the battle so shaking the booty takes that it does take you getting out there getting up moving in a way that like could go wrong and it does often go wrong oh it's a very high risk dance like the odds that you'll be in sync are very low i god i love dancing and actually it really helps with my social anxiety so more and more like all those fancy parties sometimes that were invited to i go to the dance floor and i don't leave i totally agree i stay there and it's been such a place for me to meet, okay, now I'm just going to name drop famous people, but why not?

[1105] Yeah, let's do it.

[1106] So the last big, like, Hollywood party I went to, it was that pre -Golden Globes or something.

[1107] It was one of those, like, you know, night before or something.

[1108] And for those people that don't know, like they'll have like a, you have the event, which is, you know, you're starving and it's not that fun.

[1109] And then you'll have like, there'll be some kind of party.

[1110] And sometimes you can be like, oh, my God, that's the guy from, you know.

[1111] Oh, yeah.

[1112] That's all you do.

[1113] You just, you The guy from Deb.

[1114] And then you feel exciting because you're like, Julia Louis -Dreyfus is a friend.

[1115] Like you're really, you get really excited.

[1116] It's so, it's high school.

[1117] But I was anxious that I have quite a bit of social anxiety.

[1118] And I'm sad to say it's gotten worse, not better as I've gotten older.

[1119] So I'm like, okay, how do I get through it?

[1120] So for me, moving really helps me. So almost anywhere I go, I try to get the dance floor going.

[1121] And I'm not kidding.

[1122] I'm not kidding.

[1123] I'm usually the first one on it.

[1124] Of course.

[1125] You're the vanguard.

[1126] Thank you.

[1127] And I just, like, get a couple people, and it gets going.

[1128] It gets going.

[1129] You're a party bumper.

[1130] Thank you so much.

[1131] I love to pump a party.

[1132] Yeah.

[1133] But I won't leave the dance floor.

[1134] I just stay there.

[1135] And then the people that come on the dance floor are the people, if this makes sense, that you want to dance with.

[1136] Yes.

[1137] So, like, the people that come and want to dance are like you.

[1138] And you don't have to talk to them.

[1139] You can just point to, like, be like, you can just be like, all.

[1140] Oh, my God.

[1141] You know, like, I love you on Succession, and then you dance together, and then you don't have to ever talk.

[1142] It's so, I love it.

[1143] Tina and I used to throw these after parties after the Golden Globes, and they were really fun, really, like, epic.

[1144] And there were a couple moments where there would be a dance circle, and I would be like, holy shit.

[1145] I look around, I'd be like, I'm nailing it.

[1146] This is every famous person I've ever seen in one dance, In one dance circle, black, brown, gay, straight, comedians, just dramatic actors, documentarians, everyone, egos.

[1147] They're all here.

[1148] Just all in a circle.

[1149] You're all in a circle.

[1150] Oh, you were going to name drop, though.

[1151] I kind of cut you off from name drop.

[1152] Oh, I was just going to say, I had this moment where it was like, Shiv from Succession of Sarah Snook.

[1153] So, Sarah from Succession, who I'd never met, but I love.

[1154] And then it's like, Lena, wait, we'll come on and start dancing.

[1155] And I'll be like, I know Lena a little bit, but I wish I knew her a lot of it.

[1156] And then it'll be like, oh, who's on the dance floor?

[1157] I'll be like, oh, it's Calisi and John Snow dancing together.

[1158] Oh, wow.

[1159] And it just like starts to fill up.

[1160] You're like, oh, my God, Ava de Verne is here.

[1161] Okay, now it's cool.

[1162] Like the floor starts to fill up and you start feeling like, oh, my God, I think they're not going to kick me off the dance floor.

[1163] It's so, it's such basic, it's such basic high school stuff, basically.

[1164] My pinnacle of that was we were at one of those things and Lisa Bonnet was there, Liliqui.

[1165] And like, I felt like I could go on that dance floor.

[1166] It was pretty wide open.

[1167] And I spent about 75 minutes fucking one -on -one dancing with her.

[1168] And I was like, this can't be happening.

[1169] The exchange we're having is so much more profound than whatever we could have been talking about.

[1170] We're sharing this.

[1171] This is why you and I are like, because at a party, I followed Lisa and Jason Mamoa around, like, straight up like a third, like hoping to be a third.

[1172] Oh, man. I'd be in that third.

[1173] Well, you know, you always have to give up the energy, which is like, hey.

[1174] Hey.

[1175] I'm just like, you know.

[1176] I'm not saying what I would or wouldn't do, just, odds are I'll do it.

[1177] I didn't say third.

[1178] I didn't say it.

[1179] But if you guys say it.

[1180] I mean, the biggest perk of getting to do what I do is I get to meet people whose work I love.

[1181] I can't believe it.

[1182] I can't believe that I get to meet Carol Burnett or that I get to be in the same room with people who I love.

[1183] I can't believe it.

[1184] I'm just like, how is this my life?

[1185] I can't believe it.

[1186] Oh, nice.

[1187] Thank you, Dow.

[1188] Anyone I could believe it from, it would be you.

[1189] Babers, I'm so glad you did this.

[1190] Me too.

[1191] Despite Rob's colossal fuck -up, I will be watching on March 3rd, Moxie.

[1192] I am really, really excited to watch it because that is probably my favorite genre of movies.

[1193] You, of course, is cool, mom.

[1194] I'll never forget it, mean girls.

[1195] I just love that space.

[1196] Yeah, it's a juicy space.

[1197] And you get to watch you from your couch.

[1198] You don't have to go anywhere.

[1199] And I can pick, I know, I feel like I know everything about your pod.

[1200] I know who's coming in now.

[1201] I know everything about your satellite shows.

[1202] I've listened to all of them.

[1203] I love Monica and Jess, love boys.

[1204] You really love that, and I passed that on to Monica.

[1205] I loved it.

[1206] I love the race for 270.

[1207] I love it.

[1208] Oh, wow.

[1209] Do you want to marry Aaron Weekly a little bit?

[1210] First of all, Aaron's laugh is...

[1211] It's taken over the world.

[1212] Everyone can't stop talking about it.

[1213] By the way, it doesn't it become obvious why I went into comedy?

[1214] He was laughing at my jokes, and I thought I was like so funny because of that laugh.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] No one makes him laugh more than me. you.

[1217] Like, it's really, really, really sweet.

[1218] And vice versa.

[1219] Yeah, it's really, I love that relationship.

[1220] I have a term for you guys.

[1221] I think you should, you know how Stern has the whack pack?

[1222] Uh -huh.

[1223] I feel like you guys have the jacked pack.

[1224] Oh, I like that.

[1225] Oh, that's great.

[1226] You have so many jacked people that come on and talk about their bodies and, like, I'm obsessed with men's bodies.

[1227] I know.

[1228] And fucking love.

[1229] Are we twins that way too?

[1230] You don't really care all that much.

[1231] I don't care of that much.

[1232] Yeah.

[1233] I love hearing you guys talk about it because I love, again, I love anybody that's good at their job.

[1234] So if your job is to get fit and you did it, like, tell me about it.

[1235] I love it.

[1236] But I'm so happy that's not my job.

[1237] So happy that's not my job.

[1238] Our friend Jesse, you know from Monica and Jess Love Boys, he's a waiter at Houston's my favorite restaurant.

[1239] And he'll tell the servers he's training, build it for him.

[1240] Build the sandwich.

[1241] If they ask about the chickens, so we start with this Grecian roll.

[1242] We put on a lightly bread to Kristen breast with top of the other.

[1243] So build it for me. And that's what you're looking for.

[1244] There's nothing like a good waiter.

[1245] If you can be a good waiter at wait tables, you can do anything.

[1246] If you're able to deal with people, compartmentalize, quickly make decisions.

[1247] Shine your light a little bit.

[1248] 100%.

[1249] I love you so much.

[1250] Love you guys.

[1251] My favorite thing is when you text me after an interview.

[1252] The first time he told me that you were texting him about this show, I was like, cannot compute.

[1253] Brain is not.

[1254] Talk about, like, I can't believe it.

[1255] This for me is that.

[1256] It's crazy.

[1257] I love what you guys are doing.

[1258] I just love your show.

[1259] That settles it.

[1260] We're going to commission a bronze bus of you, Babers.

[1261] It's going to be in the attic.

[1262] I can't wait to get up into that attic and come in front of everybody with the door open.

[1263] Oh, yes.

[1264] I don't even have a response to that.

[1265] I'm just so pumped.

[1266] I love you so much.

[1267] I can't wait to see you in person.

[1268] Me too, me too.

[1269] Thank you guys so much.

[1270] Bye, my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1271] Since I outed myself about the vaping and the dipping, I just want to update everyone that I'm day 10 off of vapes.

[1272] Which is very exciting.

[1273] And day tune, no dip.

[1274] Yeah.

[1275] No tune backy.

[1276] And how do you feel?

[1277] Good, but now that we're recording, I was like, Where's all my stuff?

[1278] Where's all my little gizmos?

[1279] Yeah.

[1280] You know?

[1281] It's a habit.

[1282] That's right.

[1283] Yeah.

[1284] Speaking of habits, I'm not drinking right now.

[1285] Oh, right.

[1286] That's another update for everyone.

[1287] I'm going on two weeks.

[1288] Well, you've done two weeks, right?

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] Wasn't it two weeks this weekend?

[1291] Yeah, I guess when I say going on, I meant like it happened and I'm continuing on.

[1292] Right.

[1293] Yeah.

[1294] Continuing on from two.

[1295] You're in week three.

[1296] That I don't like saying.

[1297] You don't like it.

[1298] Yeah.

[1299] That's like jumping the gun.

[1300] Okay.

[1301] It's like saying you won before you won.

[1302] That's true.

[1303] But you are in your third week of sobriety.

[1304] Two and a half.

[1305] Okay.

[1306] I'm not trying to be sober for life.

[1307] I just really needed to reset.

[1308] Mm -hmm.

[1309] And I started to get a little scared thinking about how many days I had consumed alcohol in a row, which was every day.

[1310] For almost a year, I think.

[1311] Every days.

[1312] Yeah.

[1313] And then I started really thinking, well, last time I went two full weeks, I don't know.

[1314] Oh, high school, I'm sure.

[1315] Probably.

[1316] Yeah, too.

[1317] Why would you go more than two weeks without drinking?

[1318] Yeah.

[1319] There'd be no reason.

[1320] There'd be no reason.

[1321] Exactly.

[1322] Yeah.

[1323] Because even when you would take trips with your parents, you have wine.

[1324] Yeah.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] There's no reason you wouldn't have.

[1327] Yeah.

[1328] And how do you feel?

[1329] I feel good.

[1330] I feel good.

[1331] It's an interesting experiment, for sure.

[1332] Minimally, it's an interesting experiment.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] When I'm craving it, it just became such a habit.

[1335] It's good to shake it up.

[1336] Yeah.

[1337] I think.

[1338] But I want to go back, but hopefully when I go back, I will be more cognizant of not just putting into my body just because.

[1339] Mm -hmm.

[1340] Yeah.

[1341] And actually being a little more conscious of.

[1342] When?

[1343] With a meal or, you know.

[1344] Well, you and I were talking about this, and I was saying one of my red flags personally was just how often I'd actually be bored drinking.

[1345] Like where I'd be at the bar and I'd be reading the label of the beer over and over again and going like, something's wrong.

[1346] This is supposed to be fun.

[1347] Like if I'm bored and drunk, I don't like this.

[1348] Yeah.

[1349] Or that I'm just returning to the state I'm always at.

[1350] after 6 o 'clock.

[1351] It doesn't even actually feel like anything.

[1352] And I'm just as prone to be bored and probably more so because I'm relying on just sitting on that stool for being fun.

[1353] But it's...

[1354] Yeah.

[1355] I definitely use it as a, like, stuffy.

[1356] Yeah, yeah.

[1357] Like a safety blanket or something.

[1358] I just like no...

[1359] It's like a constant.

[1360] Yeah, it's a constant.

[1361] Yeah, so it's been good.

[1362] The first week was really hard, really, really hard.

[1363] And in that time, I had a couple girlfriends over in the pod.

[1364] And, you know, it was a girl's night.

[1365] And I was like, oh, my God, I guess I'll have to drink this night.

[1366] Like, it wasn't even, like, an option to not.

[1367] But then I thought, no, I can't.

[1368] I just, I'll just have to not do it while everyone else is drinking.

[1369] And then it was fine.

[1370] It's just uncomfortable when you're comfortable.

[1371] coming to the acceptance part that you're not going to, right?

[1372] To me, the only discomfort is when you're formulating an argument in your head, you're like, oh, no, no, well, I have to.

[1373] This is a girl's night.

[1374] I couldn't have invited these people over and then just be the one person staring at them not drinking.

[1375] So, like, you're building this thing.

[1376] And then another part of your brain is going like, no, but you've committed to at least going a week.

[1377] So you can't.

[1378] Exactly.

[1379] And all that, to me, that's the discomfort until you finally then go, oh, no, I'm not.

[1380] And that's over.

[1381] Yeah, I mean, yes, and when they are drinking, like, I was like, I want that.

[1382] Yeah, yeah.

[1383] That's like hours into the hang.

[1384] Oh, okay.

[1385] Into the hang.

[1386] I like it.

[1387] Uh -huh, yeah.

[1388] And more than just the stuffy and more than just the habit, I really like the feeling.

[1389] Yeah.

[1390] It's great.

[1391] The taste, like, it's hard for me to say the taste because I don't know if that's just because Well, it's Pavlovian.

[1392] The taste is associated with the feeling you like.

[1393] So it would be impossible for you not to enjoy the taste, because signaling what's coming.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] Like, I love the taste of Jack and Diet.

[1396] I bet us, you know, objectively, it's not delicious.

[1397] No, it's not.

[1398] But I fucking love it.

[1399] Even if I smell one, I'm like, oh, that smells wonderful.

[1400] So anyway, that's a little update.

[1401] Yeah.

[1402] A lot of things being quit over here.

[1403] Well, not quit.

[1404] But not quit.

[1405] I know, no, I am.

[1406] I'm not trying to.

[1407] I'm not.

[1408] I'm not.

[1409] sharing you.

[1410] I know.

[1411] But you did quit drinking two weeks ago.

[1412] Yeah, I'm taking a break.

[1413] Yeah.

[1414] I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me that you want me to stop.

[1415] You don't want me to feel like I can't tell you I want you to stop.

[1416] Yeah.

[1417] Okay, I just had to get that straight and put that sentence in that.

[1418] Um, I would tell you if I was concerned about your drinking.

[1419] I do think it's a tiny touchy subject right um like it's fun to talk to you about not drinking because i don't drink and then i'll just be kind of expounding on the things i remember liking about it like oh it's more about the morning like i now i feel predictably in the morning as opposed to i feel predictable at night well that's a nice thing uh and more energy oh i'm not gaining as much weight like there's just all these little things and then i'm i'm inclined to talk to you about that and then i get self -conscious like, oh, she thinks I'm trying to really build this up so she'll stop.

[1420] Yeah.

[1421] And I can feel it, but I'm not.

[1422] I'm just kind of like bonding over having gone through this and knowing what it's like to walk into a place that you always do one thing.

[1423] And now you're very aware of this thing you're not going to do.

[1424] But I have no agenda with your.

[1425] Oh, yeah.

[1426] I'm also in my head about it a lot.

[1427] Yeah.

[1428] I'm really analyzing it a lot.

[1429] It might be overthinking, of course.

[1430] but my sleep is still very erratic.

[1431] Uh -huh.

[1432] And if I wake up and I don't feel refreshed, I'm like, I should have, I could have just had wine and I would have felt the exact same way.

[1433] And that is annoying.

[1434] Yes.

[1435] But it is all what you focus on.

[1436] So when we were talking about it, you were at the end of a 36 -hour cleaning and organizing spree.

[1437] Yeah.

[1438] Man. you had chose to leave a social situation to continue that.

[1439] And I said, I don't think you would have ever spent a whole weekend doing what you just did.

[1440] I don't think you would have the energy to do it.

[1441] And then the other stuff would be too much of a poll to probably not go do it.

[1442] So yeah, anyhow, so it's a journey.

[1443] Part of it was, since I've been on my antidepressant, I haven't been on that and not drank.

[1444] And a part of me wondered if I was even doing anything, if I was counteracting it and I just wanted to see what it was like to be on that medication and not be adding a depressant into my body.

[1445] Yeah.

[1446] And I think overall, I think my mood has been good.

[1447] Yeah, I think so.

[1448] I think it has.

[1449] Yeah.

[1450] Yeah.

[1451] I think you have seemed way more just even keeled.

[1452] Even keeled.

[1453] I think that's part of.

[1454] I'm scared to say that, but I think so.

[1455] it's okay to say that what else what else this is amy's episode oh and man was it a dream come true it was literally a dream come true I texted anthony right after because he is a person who it's fun I get to I get to share these things with him and he he gets it in a different way of course you know because he's been on the journey the whole time yeah And we were on it together.

[1456] We are on it together.

[1457] Really quick.

[1458] I've seen it in the comment section.

[1459] Like, is Monica's boyfriend Anthony?

[1460] So just Anthony's your best buddy.

[1461] Anthony, yes.

[1462] Married.

[1463] Yes.

[1464] He's happily married.

[1465] Three children.

[1466] Allison is.

[1467] His beautiful wife.

[1468] Who's a PT.

[1469] Yes, that's correct.

[1470] Who is also your primary care physician.

[1471] Yeah.

[1472] Unfortunately for her.

[1473] Yeah.

[1474] She gets all of my questions.

[1475] But, yeah, Anthony, we went to college together, and then we moved out here together.

[1476] And we were roommates for years and years and years.

[1477] And, yeah, he's one of my best friends.

[1478] And he's a writer.

[1479] He's a television writer.

[1480] Successful one.

[1481] Yes.

[1482] And, yeah, but we started out as little pea babies.

[1483] Yeah.

[1484] Like, that was a real added layer of the heartache of Bree and I breaking out.

[1485] Yeah.

[1486] Because she was on the ride.

[1487] Yeah, we met at 20 and 19 in the one -bedroom apartment, and I was like, oh, yeah.

[1488] Like, whatever comes next, well, it'll just be a different thing.

[1489] Yeah, it'll be a different thing.

[1490] Yeah, but it is something lovely about having shared the whole journey with somebody.

[1491] Yeah.

[1492] It's fun to be able to talk with someone that knew you in all these different periods.

[1493] Yeah, and I think you need those people because it's a good reminder of where.

[1494] you started what you wanted exactly yeah and you can really see it better through them when he talks about it uh -huh i get snapped back in like oh yeah that is crazy right that is crazy that we did that that i did that or yeah well i was telling you this whole year where i've been hanging out with aaron again non -stop has like completely changed my view of my life like i'm like oh i have money And we can spend it, he and I. Like, it's just, it's really been this bizarre reminder of, it's made me appreciate that so much more.

[1495] Yeah, it's so lucky to have people like that.

[1496] Anyway, so I texted Anthony and I said, oh my God, we just interviewed Amy Poehler, and he, like, could not.

[1497] He was like, you need to take that in.

[1498] Uh -huh.

[1499] And I was like, yeah, of all, I mean, of course, like Hillary.

[1500] Oh, my God.

[1501] And Bill and all these people.

[1502] But for me, personally, she's had the most profound impact on my life.

[1503] Because of UCB.

[1504] Yeah, because of UCB.

[1505] And just, like, always looking at her as someone who is a bad motherfucker and a female.

[1506] It just, it was so exciting to talk to her.

[1507] Mm -hmm.

[1508] Yeah.

[1509] Well, the tricky part of it is and why it's, like, funded then regroup with Anthony is you have an obligation to not act crazy when you interview her.

[1510] You have to act like a peer and not have a conversation that feels weird for her.

[1511] So in some way in your mind, you have to go and do it going like, now's not the time to explain everything of, you know.

[1512] Yeah.

[1513] And in doing that, you can accidentally miss out.

[1514] Yeah, you have to remove yourself a bit from the experience in order to do it well.

[1515] Right.

[1516] And then it is, it's good to have people that you can.

[1517] click back into that old person.

[1518] And enjoy it the way you should.

[1519] Yeah.

[1520] It was really fun.

[1521] She's so cool.

[1522] Yeah.

[1523] Ow.

[1524] Oh, my God.

[1525] Do you just throw your back out?

[1526] Oh, my back's been really messed up.

[1527] You're sitting there and then all of a sudden your back broke.

[1528] It's been doing that kind of late, like spasming.

[1529] Randomly.

[1530] I've had a couple things too.

[1531] It just happened to me at the pharmacy.

[1532] I had called in my prescription and it was due to be ready, but it wasn't.

[1533] And it was about 25 minutes.

[1534] And I was just standing perfectly still for 25 minutes.

[1535] And then when it was there.

[1536] You know, it was ketatonic.

[1537] No, you got to bend the leg or you'll pass a hell.

[1538] Well, what happened was she then held it up, like come get it.

[1539] And first step, I was like, oh, my back is shot.

[1540] Like, my back hurt so much immediately when I started walking.

[1541] and then the walk to the car, I was like, oh, fuck.

[1542] And I stood a lot during Top Gear this week.

[1543] And a few different times, too, it was like, I was standing for so long, and then I went to sit in the car in it.

[1544] It felt like a grandpa, a grampie.

[1545] I forgot.

[1546] Well, you're coming off a pretty bad back injury.

[1547] I can't.

[1548] It hurts.

[1549] Okay, Amy Polar.

[1550] Amy Marie Polar.

[1551] What's her middle name?

[1552] Babers.

[1553] Amy Babers Polar.

[1554] Amy Babers Polar.

[1555] daughter of Bill Polar.

[1556] She said, she started to go into like a commercial.

[1557] This is how you'll look when you're 40.

[1558] Okay.

[1559] No, she started, she said that, and then you said something about it being a commercial.

[1560] And I tried to look it up, but I didn't, I don't know what was happening.

[1561] Oh, she said you're going to love the way you look.

[1562] Is it a commercial?

[1563] Yes, it's, um, men's warehouse.

[1564] And they play the commercial a ton on, um, historically they've, they've always been a sponsor of stern and so she's a huge stern person i'm a huge stern person so it's probably you're going to like the way you look yeah i bet that was it got it just like um or your mattress is free okay this is sounding right sern stemming sili postropedics sternum and wells chatham and hoochie oh my silly valentine you now made it my silly valentine your teeth our horse and your physique is for shit oh my god you goofy dumb dumb I love you we talked about this again lately and I said I circle back on it being romantic again yeah I was well here's what I our debate was you said well wow it's really a negging song and I said for me that would be better than what I actually think it is which is just praying on someone who's struggling and he's just giving her compliments and then using her, you'll never meet my friends, silly Valentine.

[1565] I said that actually it is kind of sweet if she's objectively, um, let's just say, let's just say she's a person with a horrible personality.

[1566] Okay.

[1567] And he's actually being sweet.

[1568] He's like, look, like I recognize that, You have a horrible personality, but I just love you.

[1569] I don't know.

[1570] I don't know why.

[1571] It's a laugh at her.

[1572] His funny Valentine, he laughs at her.

[1573] No, it's funny isn't like, it's mysterious that I love you, but I do.

[1574] See, I think this song is about someone whose self -esteem is so low that they would like that song about themselves.

[1575] Yeah, it is not a good song.

[1576] It's a very bad song.

[1577] I know there's all these people getting in trouble, but that's a very unacceptable song.

[1578] Yeah, you're right.

[1579] Okay.

[1580] Amy.

[1581] Elizabeth Baber's polar.

[1582] So now we've figured that out.

[1583] Men's warehouse, perfect.

[1584] I'm so glad you said that because I came up nil.

[1585] You're going to like the way you look.

[1586] We guarantee it.

[1587] Oh.

[1588] At men's warehouse.

[1589] Yeah.

[1590] Yeah.

[1591] They guarantee it.

[1592] They're challenging you.

[1593] We dare you to come down here, pop on one of our suits, and not love the way you look.

[1594] Oh.

[1595] I wonder how often they have to.

[1596] By the way, what are they guaranteeing?

[1597] I know.

[1598] They're not saying you get your money back.

[1599] Yeah, what's the penalty?

[1600] That's why they are saying it.

[1601] They're smart.

[1602] Yeah.

[1603] This is the best fact check we've ever recorded.

[1604] I guarantee it.

[1605] And people would be like, wow, he guarantees it.

[1606] And they would not go, what does that mean?

[1607] It doesn't mean anything.

[1608] You can say I guarantee anything.

[1609] Well, normally a guarantee means that there is something on the other end of it.

[1610] Like, if you don't like it.

[1611] Well, I think if you attach it.

[1612] some more words to it money back guarantee we got something but just saying i guarantee it which people say a lot yeah it's like literally oh you're gonna love that hamburger i guarantee it but that doesn't mean anything yeah it's kind of interesting yeah it's just become colloquial i guess yeah okay the malcolm revisionist history episode on september 11th that she mentions is the one free brian williams which is such a good episode it's such a good podcast it is in general And then that episode is incredible.

[1613] It's called Free Brian Williams.

[1614] The first part is about Brian Williams and his misremembering of the helicopter rescue.

[1615] And it kind of breaks all that down and memory and then talks about September 11th and how people remember that differently.

[1616] It's so good.

[1617] Please listen.

[1618] We love Malcolm.

[1619] Hi, Malcolm.

[1620] Gladwell.

[1621] You're going to love it.

[1622] I guarantee.

[1623] I guarantee.

[1624] I'm money back guarantee that.

[1625] Yeah.

[1626] I'll money back guarantee it too.

[1627] Yeah.

[1628] Because it's free.

[1629] Yeah.

[1630] You said there's data that says tall people get listened to more.

[1631] There is a Atlantic article that says an extra inch correlates with an estimated $800 in increased annual earnings.

[1632] So there's some financial perks.

[1633] In the 1960s and 70s, Thomas Greger, an anthropologist, ding, ding, ding, at Vanderbilt, traveled to central Brazil to see if height was prized by people beyond the developed world.

[1634] For years, he observed the Mahaynaku, a group that lived in the tropical forest and was so thoroughly unmodern that they had never seen eyeglasses.

[1635] He spent time with the Navajo and the Trobrian islanders of Papua New Guinea, too.

[1636] In no case have I found a preference for short men.

[1637] Yeah, well, there's that very obvious natural selection thing happening with tall men.

[1638] Why?

[1639] Because they can protect more.

[1640] You're bigger.

[1641] You can fight bigger animals.

[1642] you can fight off bigger adversaries who are raiding your village.

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] In Western countries, a jump from the 25th percentile of height to the 75th, about four or five inches, is associated with an increase in salary between 9 and 15 percent.

[1645] Oh, my God, ding, ding, ding.

[1646] Another analysis suggests that an extra inch is worth almost $800 a year in elevated earnings.

[1647] This is where the ding, ding, ding comes.

[1648] If you take this over the course of a 30 -year career and compound it, One researcher told Malcolm Gladwell for his book, Blank, we're talking about a tall person enjoying literally hundreds of thousands of dollars of earnings advantage.

[1649] Among men, the sharpest jump in earnings the researchers documented was between 5 -4 and 5 -6.

[1650] Oh.

[1651] They found that the returns on hype began to plateau around six feet.

[1652] Hmm, okay.

[1653] So I'm in the excessive.

[1654] It doesn't, it's not serving me. Correct.

[1655] I'm just taking on more health risks.

[1656] without any financial upside.

[1657] That's right.

[1658] Gain.

[1659] Yeah, that's right.

[1660] Well, then Aaron nailed it.

[1661] Is he six foot?

[1662] Yeah.

[1663] Oh.

[1664] Okay, I tried to look for the parable about the girl walking on the edge of a mountain to see if it was a parable.

[1665] Mm -hmm.

[1666] And I couldn't really find it, so maybe it's real.

[1667] I had never heard it.

[1668] It wasn't ringing any bells for me. Me either.

[1669] But it does sound similar to the one with the girl who has the red ribbon around her neck and then the ribbon comes off and her head falls off.

[1670] Oh, I don't know that one.

[1671] Oh, my God.

[1672] Really?

[1673] It was like a thing in elementary school about there was a girl and she always had a red handkerchief around her neck and there's probably some other stuff about her mom and grocery shopping.

[1674] And then everyone was like, why are you always wearing that red scarf around your neck?

[1675] And she was like, I just like it.

[1676] And then one day someone pulled it off and her head fell crashing to the ground.

[1677] Oh my God.

[1678] That's the whole story.

[1679] What is the lesson to be learned there?

[1680] Great question.

[1681] Yeah, I don't know.

[1682] I think it's just a scary story.

[1683] Okay, right.

[1684] So not so much a parable as a frightening story.

[1685] Also, maybe don't be a dick and pull someone's scarf off.

[1686] I think I made that part.

[1687] I think I was flourishing.

[1688] Okay, flourishing?

[1689] Yeah, it was flourishing for sure.

[1690] But I was also embellishing because I think actually she takes it off.

[1691] Okay.

[1692] Herself.

[1693] Well, then it's on her.

[1694] So I guess it's a personal responsibility.

[1695] parable.

[1696] Yeah.

[1697] Or maybe it's a parable about trying to get approval.

[1698] She was willing to take it off to stop getting teased at the expense of her head falling off and dying.

[1699] I don't think she was teased.

[1700] I think people were curious.

[1701] I'm going to look it up.

[1702] Okay.

[1703] Girl with red scarf.

[1704] Head falls off.

[1705] Comes up immediately.

[1706] Oh my gosh.

[1707] This is a BuzzFeed article.

[1708] For everyone who's still fucked up over that story about.

[1709] out the girl with a ribbon around her neck.

[1710] Okay, it was a ribbon.

[1711] That's what you said originally, by the way.

[1712] And then you change it to scarf.

[1713] No, I said handkerchief.

[1714] Then I changed it to scarf.

[1715] I think originally said, I think the first time you said it.

[1716] Here?

[1717] I think, yeah, today I thought you said ribbon.

[1718] And then you were talking about a scarf.

[1719] And I'm like, oh, she changed it to scarf.

[1720] And then you changed it to handkerchief.

[1721] I think you started with ribbon.

[1722] I think you had it.

[1723] Okay.

[1724] Thank you for your faith.

[1725] But I don't think that's true.

[1726] Okay.

[1727] Oh, it's from, oh, it's from this classic book in a dark, dark room.

[1728] other stories.

[1729] Stories intended for children in this eerie memorable tale, a woman with a velvet ribbon around her neck will never take it off and is very mysterious about why.

[1730] In the end, it's revealed that the ribbon is the only thing keeping her head attached to her body.

[1731] When the ribbon is removed, her head comes flopping off and sometimes it's still talking from the floor on the moonlight.

[1732] The tale is also incredibly spooky because of how consumed with removing the ribbon the husband becomes.

[1733] It's a story of mania as well as the sometimes horrific consequences of the truth one seeks.

[1734] So that is a parable.

[1735] Yeah.

[1736] Wow.

[1737] Just let people have their secrets.

[1738] That is what it's saying.

[1739] Yeah, or their head will come off.

[1740] But by the way, what a durable ribbon that it lasted her whole life.

[1741] The story ends with a mortified man uncovering a shocking secret about his wife that has loomed over their marriage the entire time.

[1742] This is a parable about.

[1743] This is a metaphor.

[1744] Yeah, like he wanted to know if she fucked his friend Tony 40 years ago.

[1745] And he couldn't let it go, couldn't let it go, couldn't let it go.

[1746] and then he finally forced her to tell him, and then it ruined everything.

[1747] Wow.

[1748] That's what it is.

[1749] She banged Tony.

[1750] It displays just how haunting a woman's past can be to the male ego.

[1751] Oh, yeah.

[1752] This is a great.

[1753] This is a great story.

[1754] It is really life -affirming.

[1755] Happy story.

[1756] All right, I'll get off of that.

[1757] What's your favorite parable?

[1758] Oh, my favorite one is definitely, though, who fart in church.

[1759] sit in own pew that's not a parable yeah no it has to be a story it is someone farts in church and then they have to sit in their own pew my god and do you know pew is double me tell me two meanings pewie and church pewie i have another one i love okay though who go to bed with itchy butt oh my god wake up with stinky finger okay listen these are life lessons no these are are disgusting boy jokes.

[1760] My mom told us them for the record.

[1761] Well, still, I'm going to stick with the fact that they're disgusting boy jokes.

[1762] But you are, do you really?

[1763] Yes, they're true.

[1764] Okay, that's all I care about.

[1765] I'm in search of the truth.

[1766] That's why I love these parables.

[1767] Can you really tell me a parable you like?

[1768] I don't think I know a parable.

[1769] Like tortoise in the hair or...

[1770] Oh.

[1771] Oh, like Chauncer's fables or something?

[1772] Choncer?

[1773] No, what is it?

[1774] I think tortoise in the hair is a chancer fable, isn't it?

[1775] I said chants.

[1776] I don't think.

[1777] Well, Canterbury, Tams.

[1778] Oh, Canterbury.

[1779] I was trying to think of that.

[1780] But look up chancer.

[1781] The hell's that.

[1782] There is something.

[1783] You're right.

[1784] Chaucer.

[1785] Chaucer.

[1786] Chaucer.

[1787] Yeah.

[1788] Chaucer's fables.

[1789] Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[1790] Choncer's fables.

[1791] Knight's tale, wife of baths, tail.

[1792] flower in the leaf that's weird i know chaucer's tales but i don't know a single chaucer's fables chaucer's fables i don't know any of them canterbury tales i like the arthurian legends you do sir lancelot guinevere okay um are they fables no they're they're just tales i guess no legend legend athory inlet king arthur and uh knights of the round table that's all that was it yeah bye i'm gonna try to find a fable I like, okay?

[1793] Okay.

[1794] I don't like being taught a lesson.

[1795] Oh, man. Yeah, I know it's exhausting.

[1796] All righty.

[1797] I love you.

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