Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] My name is Kristen Wig.
[1] And I feel warm about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.
[2] Okay, Kristen, I think that's just the temperature in the room.
[3] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends, Can tell never we are going to be friends Hey there, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend joined by my crew.
[4] You guys are my crew.
[5] Do we get a say in this?
[6] No, you don't.
[7] Okay.
[8] You're just my crew.
[9] We pull off bank heist on the weekend.
[10] Oh, now I'm in.
[11] Okay.
[12] You're the guy in the van who knows everything about software can open the vault.
[13] What do I get to do?
[14] Oh, yeah.
[15] David Hopping is here as well.
[16] You're the muscle.
[17] Yeah.
[18] Yeah.
[19] I'm really strong.
[20] Yeah, he said, lifting pages.
[21] Yes, whenever we're threatened by lots of security or something, you lift pages of an introduction script.
[22] Works every time.
[23] And toss it to the side.
[24] What's happening in the world of our podcast?
[25] I understand there's been some chat on the socials, and we need to address this.
[26] This is what I'm told.
[27] For instance, you'll notice that Sona isn't here today for the intro segment of this episode, but she will be for the interview.
[28] And I think you were saying that can't happen.
[29] And I was saying the audience knows that we record different parts at different times.
[30] Sometimes we record things a little bit out of sync.
[31] Mostly we don't, but sometimes we do.
[32] And you said that this caused a bit of a theory to emerge from someone on the internet.
[33] Yeah, who was telling me this?
[34] I don't remember who was telling me this.
[35] Doesn't matter.
[36] It was on Reddit that there was a discussion going on about whether we changed.
[37] change clothes to make it seem like we do everything linearly and in real time.
[38] I love that.
[39] I love that forethought of us bringing in costume changes.
[40] And now, I love that anyone who listens to this podcast regularly thinking that we would put that level of thought or preparation that we would think, wait a minute, this has to match.
[41] We're going to be chatting, but then we'll be talking to Kristen Wig.
[42] So you have to put on your Oxford shirt that you are wearing then.
[43] And I have to put on my beekeepers outfit that we're going.
[44] we were wearing when we talked to Christian.
[45] No!
[46] No, because this is on YouTube and people can see, but the thing that cracks me up is most of the time you can see that we aren't wearing the same clothes, you know?
[47] It's fascinating.
[48] And so, like, David is here with us today, but won't be for the interview and won't be for the third segment.
[49] I would like to point out, I don't do anything for the podcast, but I do change my clothes multiple times a day.
[50] Like an Elton John kind of?
[51] Have you always done that?
[52] Yes.
[53] I have, like, nine different outfits.
[54] and I have a guy named Scott Chronic who's upstairs and just for no reason even when I'm just here and basically doing clerical stuff we're not even recording we're not I have many as nine changes Oh my God yeah because I it's I'm in show business I see you know whatever you could be a camp You wouldn't understand No I wouldn't You know you've of course I know you've been in podcasting for a long time but you could be a camp counselor and then you over here Hey you know you're not really in show business the way I am I have to constantly be seen as an iconic entertainer.
[55] I have Bob Mackey outfits upstairs.
[56] Every now and then, I'll go out to lunch next door and I'm just suddenly I'm wearing a glittery skirt and a feather boa.
[57] You change at lunch?
[58] Yeah.
[59] You got anything by Botany 500?
[60] Yes, I do.
[61] I should add that part of that theory was that they noticed that us back here we wear the same clothes while you guys are wearing different clothes.
[62] Is that right?
[63] But you all...
[64] How did that happen?
[65] Right.
[66] So they were like, well, it must be because, look, Adam's wearing the same thing and Eduardo's wearing the same thing and Blaze is wearing the same thing but they're wearing something different So why are you guys always wearing the same stuff?
[67] Are you guys doing costume change?
[68] Maybe you should.
[69] I wish I could afford more clothes.
[70] Oh, for God's sake.
[71] Give him a raise.
[72] Give him a raise.
[73] Give him a raise.
[74] Or fire him so he can get a better paying job.
[75] Fire him so he can get a better paying job.
[76] Oh, here we go.
[77] Okay, here comes.
[78] Adam is going to join the phrase.
[79] By the way, wearing the same goddamn sweatshirt he wears every day.
[80] Are you like Mr. Rogers?
[81] You just have that hanging on a hook here at the studio and you put it on every time?
[82] Why are you wearing that same thing every day?
[83] Okay, first of all, I alternate between two hoodies that I keep in my office because it is freezing in the studio and when I'm walking around the halls.
[84] So you have two hoodies.
[85] Okay, Zuckerberg, that works for me. And I wear them in here because it's really, really cold and then I take them off when I get out.
[86] But I was searching to try to find this Reddit thread and I did find it here.
[87] I don't know if you have a better reading voice than I do, but you can see what...
[88] You have are wonderful.
[89] The chill -chums record multiple intros a day and switch outfits to look like they recorded on different days.
[90] I was watching the two intros today where Conan confronts Matt about the mall -walking podcast.
[91] At the start of the second intro, Conan says, today I learned about Matt's podcast, implying that the two intros are filmed on the same day.
[92] However, by looking at the video, we see that there are outfits all changed while the crew remained the same.
[93] My theory is that they probably record a lot of intros in a day, which is true.
[94] It wouldn't make sense of them to only record 15 minutes a week, plus the guest interview anyway.
[95] I have one guess that this fan believes 11 people shot Kennedy.
[96] Yeah, yeah.
[97] That's the kind of thinking that takes you down that road.
[98] Here's a peek behind the curtain.
[99] So, for instance, today, it's planned to go on the Kristen Whig episode.
[100] But we're dressed in the same clothes, if you watch the YouTube clip of the Melinda French Gates interview.
[101] Because we did that interview today, but we recorded the intro for Kristen Wig.
[102] and we know that this is today because this is the day you had this small stroke what do you mean by that I also love the idea that we're doing this to commit the perfect murder that's what this leads me to is that we are shooting things out of sequence and changing outfits so that later on when someone says oh my God pick anyone in the you know oh my I'm sorry David it's going to have to be you but David's been murdered and we can say, hey, that day, look, we have footage of us.
[103] That was the day Melinda Gates came in, or that was the day, and we're off the hook.
[104] And there's some listener out there with a, like, bare apartment.
[105] Yarn.
[106] Yes, red yarn and calendar dates and pictures of our costumes.
[107] Right.
[108] And it's happening, yeah.
[109] Don't you think, though, that, like, all the files have, like, dates and times?
[110] Like, if they really wanted to find my murderer, they would be like.
[111] They won't go that far.
[112] Yeah.
[113] Can I just say, David, David, David, don't take this personally.
[114] I'm about to take it personally.
[115] No, don't.
[116] But you're, they're going to bag you, tag you, ship you back home, and there will not be much of an investigation.
[117] You know what I mean?
[118] Countless young people like you come to the big city.
[119] I will invest.
[120] Your dreams don't work out.
[121] And then you're just shipped home.
[122] Yeah, true crime.
[123] David's murder.
[124] Somebody did say, somebody did say, somebody did say.
[125] You had a stroke.
[126] Yeah, everyone, why can't?
[127] Are you okay, buddy?
[128] There's something in the air.
[129] I am worried about it.
[130] The only thing that surprises me about this is that they change outfits for a mostly audio medium.
[131] So people are buying into this theory.
[132] It's not true.
[133] No. But I guess me saying it's not true only makes it.
[134] It stokes the conspiracy theory.
[135] That's great, though.
[136] Let's let this conspiracy build and rise.
[137] Also, what I do applaud is people paying that much attention.
[138] I mean, I do appreciate that our fans are really paying attention.
[139] If we had uniforms, this wouldn't be a problem.
[140] That's right.
[141] Hey, we're supposed to get follow up on that.
[142] And I will pay for the uniforms if someone can make this happen.
[143] I was supposed to do.
[144] Matt's going to design them.
[145] I want us to wear.
[146] And again, the inspiration for this came from Jack White and third man records where, you know, Jack has everyone in his entourage wearing these cool outfits.
[147] And I'm like, that's what we need.
[148] We need everyone at Team Coco, Conoco, whatever we call this thing now.
[149] I forget.
[150] There's so many entities.
[151] that at Conan, Inc. I want everybody wearing a similar outfit, except for me and I want to wear Admiral's epaulettes.
[152] Just Admiral's Epilettes?
[153] Just Admiral's Epilettes.
[154] Let's just say.
[155] Okay.
[156] Next week we're not recording, I'll get on this.
[157] Good.
[158] Uh -oh, that's just, but why aren't we recording next week?
[159] Conspiracy theory.
[160] Oh, that's right.
[161] Because we don't have a costume.
[162] Because Conan's in the Pacific Northwest committing some insane Committering.
[163] Committering, everyone's got it.
[164] Oh, my God.
[165] Oh, no. All right.
[166] Enough of our Tom Foolery and skiddlery.
[167] My guest today is a hilarious actress, comedian, and writer, you know, from Saturday Night Live, Bridesmaids, and Barb and Star go to Vista Del Mar. She now stars in the new Apple TV Plus series, Palm Royale.
[168] I am beyond thrilled.
[169] Kristen Wigg, welcome.
[170] I am so happy.
[171] that you're here, because I remember when you got cast on S &L and absolutely adoring you and thinking, like, this is the, I think this is like the funniest person I've seen.
[172] And I say that this will not air.
[173] We're going to find our way to block it to all the other SNL people I've talked to, so they never hear that.
[174] But you're just so insanely funny.
[175] And I met you.
[176] we had you on the show and I was we and just one time and we didn't get to really connect again and so if nothing else when I found out that you were going to come in today I was just thought this is my chance to tell you just how blown away I am by you thank you performer singer songwriter dancer I'm just making up things you don't probably do well I do do those things you're a dancer really good dancer I mean no I used to day I've danced.
[177] Yes.
[178] You do, well, actually, you do a character, Gilly, and Gilly does an intro number and does a dance to it.
[179] And I love good physical comedy.
[180] And it's one of my favorite things.
[181] When you break into, first of all, I think all characters everywhere, I was talking about this with Robert Smigel the other day, and we worked together at S &L.
[182] And we were talking about, yeah, I like him fine.
[183] But we were talking about a sketch that we wrote for Tom Hanks called Mr. Short -Term Memory and how we insisted, this is like 1988, you know that it has to have a theme song.
[184] And I remember Lauren was like, no, it doesn't need a, sketches don't have theme song openings.
[185] And we said, no, it has to.
[186] And we had a whole animated opening where Tom Hanks' character gets hit by a pair, sitting under a pear tree.
[187] Wait, it was animated?
[188] It was like, yeah, he's like sitting under, you know, it's Mr. Short -Term Memory.
[189] He never should have sat under that pear tree.
[190] Now he has no memory, but he'll never know.
[191] And you'll love him, whatever.
[192] He'll frustrate you so because he's Mr. Short -term.
[193] Anyway, we wrote this whole theme song, and I always thought, I think it should be a law that all sketch characters have a ridiculous theme song that wastes time.
[194] It's a good way to get rid of the nerves, I got to say.
[195] That's a great.
[196] Yeah, because you're like dancing and shaking, and then you're like, okay, I don't know, because it's obviously a very nerve -wracking job.
[197] Yeah, it is a nerve -wracking job.
[198] you wouldn't know it looking at your performances.
[199] But I remember you doing the gilly dance.
[200] And the dance incorporates maybe nine different, very distinct moves that probably aren't supposed to all go together.
[201] Probably not.
[202] It's so funny.
[203] Thank you.
[204] It's so funny.
[205] That means a lot coming from you, Conan.
[206] Well, I appreciate that.
[207] But I just, I was, your body of work on S &L alone, just not even getting into your other tremendous work is crazy.
[208] You're so prolific.
[209] And then to hear you say, well, it gets out the nerves.
[210] And I think it is nice for people listening and probably revelatory that they hear.
[211] Kristen Wigg has nerves.
[212] Oh, my God.
[213] Yes.
[214] I think if you, I would be worried about myself if I didn't, especially with SNL because it's live.
[215] Yeah, you feel like you want to throw up for every show.
[216] You know, I mean, the good, I always say the good thing is because you have dress rehearsal, so you kind of know what sort of works.
[217] But you know, there could be things that work and dress.
[218] and then you're like waiting for the some sort of giggle and then it's silent during air.
[219] That happens all the time.
[220] A false positive.
[221] Oh, there's nothing worse.
[222] Is, uh, yeah.
[223] Well, actually, in medicine, it's a very good thing sometimes.
[224] You're not dying.
[225] So sometimes it works out, but a false positive in comedy and what would happen sometimes, it's rare, but something can really do well address.
[226] Usually doesn't happen, but it's a different crowd.
[227] And then what happens is they do the air show.
[228] And the air show sometimes, that's when all the executives got their friends in.
[229] Lauren has some pals there.
[230] Just a lot of people are coming in.
[231] And so they're a different crowd, maybe a little more entitled.
[232] Maybe they've seen the show a bunch.
[233] It's just such a different.
[234] I mean, I remember Charles Barkley was hosting and I wrote a sketch with Jillian Bell.
[235] And it was for the writer's room, it got the best reaction of ever.
[236] had in the history of the time that I was there.
[237] I mean, like, people were clapping.
[238] We're like, oh, this is going to be, this is looking at a really great sketch.
[239] And when I tell you, when we went to dress, and you know when like the first joke comes out and like that's the sketch, so if they're not going to laugh at that, you got about, it feels like 18 minutes of like silence.
[240] It was so silent.
[241] And I was just looking at other people in the sketch like Andy and they're Bill, they're like looking at me laughing, like, this is going so, it was just absolutely silent.
[242] I couldn't even predict that that was going to happen.
[243] But I, it's good also because then it kind of like keeps on your toes.
[244] You don't expect certain things.
[245] But the way that it bombed was just for the books.
[246] I wrote a sketch.
[247] Same thing for Phil Hartman.
[248] This is way back in the day.
[249] And he played this character, Mace, he was really tough and talked really vest and he was mace and he had done it at the groundlings and it was this you're using to me and used to be good whoever the host was and i don't remember but the male host gets put in a prison cell with him and the male host is whoever it was has mace as his cellmate and mace comes on is so tough and hard and you're not going to make a buddy boy you're listening me i'm the king of yourself you know and and then you know the way in those cells are just an exposed toilet it comes time they're both there for a while and then it's clear that mace has to use the toilet but he's embarrassed about using it in front of the other guy in this very shy human way.
[250] And he's like putting little pieces of toilet paper down.
[251] He's trying to do it when the other guy's back is turned.
[252] And whenever the guy turns back, he goes like, you keep looking the other way, buddy, boy.
[253] And it was just all about this very common.
[254] That's so funny to me. No. And so we did this thing that we read it at read through.
[255] And like tile was coming off the ceiling.
[256] People were laughing so hard.
[257] And it's over and the applause and people coming up and, you know, Lauren actually making eye contact and I'll give you a gold coin, you know, and you're just feeling amazing.
[258] And then dress rehearsal and it starts.
[259] And then there's the first thing, which is the whole sketch where you realize that Mace wants to use the toilet, the toughest guy in the world, and silence.
[260] And I remember I had called everybody.
[261] You know, you're going to have a sketch to.
[262] Oh, of course I did.
[263] Of course I did, Kristen.
[264] Because I'm a writer and I'm like, tune in because you all thought.
[265] I thought I didn't have it.
[266] Well, you're going to see a sketch tonight with Phil Hartman called me, you know.
[267] Watch this.
[268] Watch this.
[269] And then just absolute silence.
[270] And then that thing where they say the last line, well, that's the way it goes.
[271] Long pause.
[272] Then the band.
[273] Doom, do do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
[274] And no applause.
[275] And then you don't even have to go in to the room.
[276] You know it's never going to make air.
[277] You want to do an autopsy afterwards and find out.
[278] Like, what?
[279] What happened?
[280] it work there and not maybe there's something about seeing it as opposed to just reading i i i still don't know as you know i just gave it up at a certain point and said there's magic to this sometimes the magic is there sometimes it's not i give up i can't explain it there's no reason yeah well that's probably why a little bit of the nerves too because you don't you don't know what the audience is if they're in a good mood or but also it's interesting to me like you know i don't care who you are or what your track record is, you are always potentially 10 seconds away from the worst humiliation of your life.
[281] Of course.
[282] And I almost feel like the more you've done it, then I don't know, you're kind of like, well, I'm due for something.
[283] You know what fascinated me about you is that you were not someone who was aggressively doing improv and trying to act when you were a kid, right?
[284] No, it wasn't really in my atmosphere at all.
[285] There was no talk of like, do you want to go to like a theater.
[286] It just wasn't, nobody was doing that where I lived.
[287] That's how, that's for me too.
[288] Yeah.
[289] And it was, it just wasn't a thing.
[290] And I would always look at like, you know, I'm dating myself.
[291] You know, like a teen beat or a bop, whatever that bop.
[292] Was it bop?
[293] It couldn't have just been bop.
[294] Tiger beat.
[295] Tiger beat, yeah.
[296] There was a bop.
[297] There was a bop.
[298] There was like those magazines.
[299] And it just looked so far away and like, oh, you have to like live.
[300] in California and that's just like a different planet.
[301] I just didn't even think about it.
[302] I think deep down I always dreamed about it, but I thought doesn't everybody?
[303] I don't know.
[304] Exactly.
[305] I just wasn't something I. I relate 1 ,000 % to what you're saying, which is I'm thinking about this and I'm doing some schick in the mirror by myself.
[306] Were you reading Tiger Beat as well?
[307] I was reading I was reading.
[308] He was reading Bob.
[309] I was writing letters to Scott Bayo.
[310] Dear Scott Baio.
[311] Such a chachy crush.
[312] Didn't we all?
[313] I still write them.
[314] But I just, it wasn't in my world.
[315] And I think what the internet has done, you can be in the tiniest little spot in Kansas, and you can do something funny, and it can get a lot of positive feedback.
[316] And I think that's terrific.
[317] Before that, there were people like me long before you.
[318] you when I was a kid doing shtick in front of the mirror and takes and absorbing stuff on television and in movies that I saw doing it in front of the mirror but then thinking yes this is what all sad little boys do and then I got to go to soccer practice yeah well I don't know no soccer for me art class my paleontology club hello fellows anyone But, yeah, there was no, there was nothing, you know, you just.
[319] I mean, I did like little, you know, I was like a munchkin in the Wizard of Oz, you know, in the back.
[320] Right, right.
[321] Just because my friends were doing it, but it wasn't, you know.
[322] But it's not like you could put that on a resume.
[323] I tried.
[324] Number one.
[325] When I first came to L .A. and you needed a resume.
[326] I'm like, well, maybe I should write this on here.
[327] So you did.
[328] Another thing we have in common is I graduate college and I come out to L .A. I immediately tried to get into the groundlings into an acting class.
[329] And that's where I met the world of people, improvisers.
[330] And in 1985, I would tell people, yeah, I want to do improv.
[331] And most people didn't know what I was talking about.
[332] I wouldn't have, yeah.
[333] I didn't even know what it was when I came out here.
[334] Someone was like, you got to go to the groundlings.
[335] I think you'd like that.
[336] And I'd never seen improv before.
[337] And then I remember my first show, Jennifer Coolidge was in it.
[338] Mike Hitchcock and they did improv and I was like, oh, I want to, I think I want to do that.
[339] I want to try that.
[340] And then I just like signed up.
[341] But I had no, I knew sketch obviously from S &L, but improv I didn't even know that was a thing.
[342] Yeah.
[343] That's where I met Lisa Kudrow.
[344] That's where I met these, just so many incredibly talented people.
[345] And I thought, okay, this is, this is proof to me. I love getting up on that stage.
[346] It's a really small stage.
[347] Yeah.
[348] It's an equity waiver theater on 99C, but it's where, I mean, as I said, Phil Hartman.
[349] Yeah.
[350] came from there.
[351] Paul Rubens.
[352] I mean, the list of people, Will Ferrell.
[353] You know, he left the groundlings and was never heard from again.
[354] But I mean, the list is, I can't even begin to list it.
[355] It's insane how many people.
[356] It changed.
[357] That place changed my life for sure.
[358] Yeah.
[359] So you're up there.
[360] You're doing the groundlings and you're, are you working a regular day job while you're doing that?
[361] What are you doing?
[362] I had many, many.
[363] any a day job um my favorite was i worked in a like a floral design studio i did like floral arrangements um oh my god i was a server i worked at universal studios in the executive dining room oh wow i used to work there and eat in that well not the executive one yeah the like the the one the one the yeah i couldn't get in that place but it's funny because i see people and i'm like Hey, I waited on you.
[364] That's so funny.
[365] I know.
[366] I had this conversation the other day where I, I mean, I think I do it just because this is how my mom taught me to be.
[367] And I'm, and which is I really try to be nice to anyone who's serving me. But also way in the back of my mind is they will be in control of show business in three years.
[368] And you don't, you know what I mean?
[369] They're just, and so many people have later come up to me and said, yeah, when I was, was when Jennifer Garner waited on me. Oh, how cool.
[370] When she was, and this is years after she became a star.
[371] She just had a terrible gambling addiction.
[372] And no, she, people were like, Jennifer Garner.
[373] No, there was a place where you could get brunch on the Upper West Side.
[374] And I was doing the late night show.
[375] And she said I came in once.
[376] And she said I was nice and everything, but then started to read the paper.
[377] It's like, no, we really need that table.
[378] And she remembered this years later, and I was so embarrassed.
[379] Like, you never know.
[380] you never know who's going to be there i know i love that job that was a good job which one the universal i liked it it was like 11 to one you had regular tables you got to see like exciting people and my best friend worked there what's funny is when you're on you're on and you're absolutely stupendous but i bet i'm just guessing that when you were waiting on people you weren't giving them any hint that that comedy was on the horizon for you is that fair yeah i mean it's it's it's Yeah.
[381] I don't know.
[382] I was trying to be very professional in my job.
[383] But, you know, occasionally I would say, like, dumb things and walk away and be like, what am I doing?
[384] Because it was like, I was waiting on huge people and I would get nervous.
[385] But there wasn't really room for, I don't know.
[386] I'm not, I didn't really like yuck it up.
[387] Well, no, what I'm saying is during one of my fallow periods as a writer, and I didn't have any work, I took a job at a temp agency, and then I was just like typing up documents and filing things and worked there for like a month.
[388] And at the end, I said, well, actually, my job started up again, so I'm going to go back and she said, what do you do?
[389] And I said, I'm a comedy writer.
[390] And she said, you're a comedy writer?
[391] And she wasn't being mean.
[392] No, I just said, I'm quiet.
[393] I'm efficient.
[394] I don't, you know, because I just thought I had this weird ability to put that away.
[395] I have exact same.
[396] I am not the person at a dinner party that will, like, tell this big, elaborate, funny story.
[397] I just kind of, I'm kind of quiet.
[398] And there have been people who were surprised.
[399] That's what I did, yeah.
[400] But, you know, I talk about this a lot.
[401] There are people in comedy who are fairly perpetually on.
[402] I sadly know that I am one, much to the irritation of those around me. but, like, you've been out with me in the world, Sona, and you will attest that I know.
[403] I'll freely do 20 minutes of schick for anybody if they so desire.
[404] You saying that boss didn't know that you were a comedy writer is, I don't even know how you would go a month without doing bits at any sort of work environment.
[405] Heavly medicated.
[406] Okay.
[407] That makes sense.
[408] That makes sense.
[409] That's cool.
[410] You were back in the bathroom doing him in the mirror.
[411] Yeah, exactly.
[412] He's been in the bathroom for 40 minutes.
[413] He's laughing a lot.
[414] What's he doing?
[415] I hear a lot of laughing and gick, My wife, to this day, says she'll sometimes hear, like, she goes to bed a little before me, but sometimes she doesn't fall right to sleep, and she'll hear me in the bathroom.
[416] And I'm like, now she hear you.
[417] I'll get you, see?
[418] And she's like, what the fuck?
[419] You did, like, six things today.
[420] That should all be out of your system.
[421] It's just rude that you might even just wake her up, not that it's just weird.
[422] Oh, come on.
[423] Shake her.
[424] No, she wears giant earmuck.
[425] Yeah.
[426] Hey, wake up.
[427] I just thought of a new guy.
[428] He's called Wake You Up Guy.
[429] He wakes people up who are sound asleep.
[430] But some of my favorite people and you are on this list yourself, Steve Martin, they, when it's time to go, they go and they're flawless and they're great.
[431] And then if someone, you know, invites them to a party, they think, wait a little this guy or Lama Christian Scholl.
[432] This is going to be something.
[433] You know, and it's like, well, no, that's not who I am.
[434] Yeah, I've had people interview me that are disappointed.
[435] No, I'm being serious.
[436] Like, when I was on S &L, I remember there were a couple interviews.
[437] I was also, it was the beginning, you know, I was nervous and I hadn't done a lot of interviews and stuff.
[438] And I think they were kind of like, huh.
[439] Like, I don't know if they expected me to, like, talk in voices or like, make.
[440] Yes.
[441] But I'm also nervous and, you know, I don't know.
[442] I think people were like, she's not that funny.
[443] Well, the other thing is.
[444] what's insane is that what you do sometimes I think people believe that well if you're a plumber you can just come and you can fix the plumbing oh yeah and they think oh we'll get a comedian to come and he'll just do the comedy thing and then everyone's going to love that and then we'll move on to the really serious funeral service and and I'm always asking a million questions like how big is the room who's at this thing and then I have to try and tailor it to what is this situation and sometimes it's just no there shouldn't be any comedy here it's not and I often think that an interview format like one of my favorite people growing up peter sellers just brilliant brilliant and then I'm so fascinated with him and I've read all these books on peter sellers and all the information that comes back is he was devastatingly funny when he's in a movie or when he's doing his performances on the goon show or whatever he was doing and then he was just sort of blinking and looking around the room when he was at a party, and he always carried a little camera with him because he was interested in cameras.
[445] He would explain his camera to a great length.
[446] But you didn't, you know, people wanted Inspector Clouseau at the party.
[447] And he's not going to do that.
[448] Yeah.
[449] Unless he's highly paid.
[450] Right.
[451] Exactly.
[452] That's what you want to do is you want to be paid.
[453] So S &L obviously was like such a, it must have been so clear to you that that's where you belonged.
[454] For me, it was where I, where I wanted to be and where I love the puzzles you have to put together at that show.
[455] You know, like when it's that meeting between dress and air and you have to like take off a minute of your sketch.
[456] I love that like trying to figure things out and what jokes can go.
[457] And I don't know.
[458] I love that sort of like, I don't know, how my brain works.
[459] I love that stuff.
[460] And that and just like the writers there when I was there and the cast, I was so lucky and I don't know.
[461] It just felt like, didn't feel like work in a way.
[462] but I knew when I got there I was like I'm going to be here for seven years I didn't want to go longer than that I don't know why I just kind of felt like when you get there you know you kind of feel like you're walking into someone else's living room like everyone else knows each other so well yes yes it's high school it's a big it's a scary high school and I'm not putting it down no no no no because I sometimes when I talk about SNL sometimes people will misinterpret it and say it was frightening terrifying in some ways and also I kind of wouldn't change a thing.
[463] Yeah, it's not like anyone was mean, everyone was so nice, but it's like you're going to a new school and everyone's been there forever.
[464] As soon as I got there, I was like, the moment I feel totally comfortable here is when I have to go.
[465] Because I feel there's something about the energy of that place and what you need to produce and how you need to like always be, I don't know, people watching on the Sunday that you're off.
[466] I don't know, I just felt like there's something about that place where you just need to be, a little uncomfortable.
[467] So that makes sense.
[468] Yes, it does.
[469] Well, there's that old analogy that I think is so perfectly true, which is the oyster, you know, you need a little bit of sand in the oyster to make the pearl.
[470] You need the irritant.
[471] And I just think many times in life I've been uncomfortable and not and nervous and something really good came out.
[472] And that's when you're really proud of yourself and you're like, wow, I did that.
[473] And thank God it's over.
[474] Not as in Lano.
[475] That was very hard for me to leave.
[476] Well, I mean, just, I mean, it's ridiculous to even try to go through all the characters.
[477] But do you have a favorite?
[478] I mean, I know you've mentioned that mentioned before.
[479] Is there someone who really speaks to you?
[480] I mean, there's so many, I mean, the first time I saw Denise, the prosthetic forehead and doll hands.
[481] I told you I love, I mean, I love Gilly, but her dance and Penelope and Jesus Christ.
[482] I feel like my favorite one, honestly, was someone.
[483] when I did an update, not even a ton of time, but her name was Aunt Linda.
[484] Yes, Aunt Linda.
[485] She was...
[486] The eye rolling alone.
[487] Yes, because she was based on someone that was on a plane.
[488] And remember back in the day, they would show there'd be one screen and they'd be like the movie starting and then you'd have to put your head, it would just start at that time.
[489] You didn't get your own personal one.
[490] You didn't get your own one.
[491] And it was the Matrix.
[492] And she was so confused.
[493] The Matrix!
[494] The Matrix on a plane.
[495] She was just like, what?
[496] She's like, why is he flying?
[497] She was like, oh, she was so loud, and I was like listening to her and writing down things she was saying.
[498] And she's like, now we're flying.
[499] Like, she was so upset and confused.
[500] And it just made me laugh.
[501] And so I did that at the groundlings, which also made it feel better when I got it on SNL.
[502] And we tried it the way that I wrote it at the groundlings, but it didn't work in a scene because.
[503] No, no, it was so smart.
[504] It just didn't work.
[505] Because Lauren was like, I think people would be walking away from you constantly.
[506] It didn't work.
[507] Putting her at the update desk and her job, my favorite thing, it's sort of akin a bit to, I'm a wealthy society woman and I want someone to set up my home beautifully for the big party.
[508] I've hired the three stooges.
[509] And three idiots who have no qualifications show up with saws and hammers and smash the whole house.
[510] What I love is they hired you to review films.
[511] And it's perfect because you have nothing but disdain.
[512] You don't seem to understand the movies.
[513] No. You just want to make a wisecrack.
[514] And it's just absolutely hilarious.
[515] Also, it looked like you kind of had to, that all the different takes that you would do, the sarcastic takes that you would do.
[516] Yeah, I think the ones that you can have a little more fun with and it is kind of different every time are always more fun, I think, than the ones that are like very rigid in how they react to stuff.
[517] If your character has one, I remember it at the groundlings, there was just this pressure.
[518] When I was there, you could see every student thought they had to have a catchphrase.
[519] Oh, really?
[520] Well, that was just a phase.
[521] And I think it was all because John Levitts had blown up as the liar on S &L.
[522] And that's the ticket, you know.
[523] And having a catchphrase and Dana blend blew up as church lady.
[524] Of course, there was a lot more of those characters, but their catchphrases were really huge.
[525] Well, isn't that special?
[526] And so I just remember characters coming in, you know, trying out scenes and everybody was like, yeah, not's a flap jack, I'd buy.
[527] Looking right out to the audience.
[528] And then they'd say it like two more times and I'd just, Lisa Kudrow used to get mad at me because she said, you sit there at rehearsal and people are trying this stuff out and you have your head in your hands.
[529] Oh, God.
[530] And she said, they can fucking see you.
[531] And I'm like, I'm sorry.
[532] That's a flap jack.
[533] I could buy.
[534] Was that a real one?
[535] No. I know there was someone...
[536] So you can use it if you want.
[537] I know.
[538] I was like...
[539] I saw you're writing it down.
[540] People had ticks like they, you know, slap their thigh and on, you know, slap your thigh, cough twice.
[541] And so it just looked like a Tourette's convention for a while there.
[542] But one thing that I liked so much about the work that you did at S &L, And then again, you brought that to bridesmaids, is you can go so quiet.
[543] You can be so small and it's perfect.
[544] I think it's one of the reasons I get drawn in.
[545] You're not trying to blow me off the roof with your comedy a lot of times.
[546] And you can go big, but you also can go very small.
[547] And then, you know, and then that was one of the things I thought that made bridesmaids so special was how quiet things could be doing that kind of comedy it's like this little porcelain comedy that's beautiful I don't know I was just great thank you for saying that well I really I don't know that it means anything I've never really been in a movie it does it does it means a lot very poetic little porcelain I know it is I like that I just think that many people can come from a situation like the groundings are SNL and think that you win when you go really big all the time I just love to it as a, as a fan of yours, that you're able to do that.
[548] Thanks.
[549] And that's all the time we have.
[550] There's nowhere to go after that.
[551] I don't know what to say.
[552] Well, I want to say one thing that is about improv.
[553] Okay, yeah.
[554] I'm wondering if you agree with this.
[555] There's so many people who say to me, improv is such a scary thing.
[556] I prefer improv.
[557] There's no preparation.
[558] You just show up on the day.
[559] Well, that's the thing.
[560] There's no. Exactly.
[561] You can't say the line wrong.
[562] Exactly.
[563] And sometimes you can get intim.
[564] Yeah.
[565] It kind of depends on what it is.
[566] But, like, when I'm watching improv, I get more nervous because I'm like, what are they going to say?
[567] Right.
[568] Or what would I say?
[569] Oh, God.
[570] And fear for the person.
[571] But when you're doing it, exactly.
[572] But when you're doing it, you're like, oh, well, I'm just responding.
[573] I'm just, I'm just, as long as I know who the characters, I'm just kind of talking.
[574] Yeah.
[575] There's something very, I don't know, just liberating about it.
[576] I love when they tell me. And you don't have to, like, prepare.
[577] It's just, you just go.
[578] That's the best part.
[579] There's no memory.
[580] I was curious.
[581] Did you do Target Lady at Groundings, or was that something that you came up with?
[582] Oh, you did?
[583] Yes.
[584] Those, I think, were the only two that I did there that got on the show.
[585] Did you ever get any kind of money from Target?
[586] Oh, Conan.
[587] Because I've been working on a character called Exxon Mobile Guy.
[588] Oh, God.
[589] I know you got a thing.
[590] It's like, United Airlines.
[591] What do we use?
[592] Look to me. I'm Lamborghini Guy.
[593] Hey, I'm Lamborghini Guy.
[594] Hi.
[595] Sona, has there been any call from the Lamborghini people?
[596] Yes, cease and desist.
[597] Hey, I'm Lamborghini.
[598] Hey, I'm a Porsche man. What?
[599] It's a German car.
[600] Why are you Italian?
[601] I don't know.
[602] I didn't think about it.
[603] That's the hook.
[604] Hey, baby, I'm Sam Rolex.
[605] God.
[606] What?
[607] Yeah.
[608] Sam.
[609] His name is Sam Rolex?
[610] Yeah, we're a Rolex.
[611] These are characters I'm just.
[612] I'm just thinking that you've been working on for a long time.
[613] Yes, and I didn't I thought I was doing something wrong.
[614] Clearly you hit it with Target lady and I'm going to I'm Bill Osampic you know.
[615] Well I Bill Sam Oh, you don't think I'm good at coming up with good, funny first names.
[616] I think Sam's funny.
[617] It's funny.
[618] Oh, Jesus.
[619] I regret working with you on this whole thing.
[620] I really thought we would just click together and make an amazing commercial that would make me a lot of money.
[621] Thank you.
[622] I bet you didn't think you'd be apologizing when you came here to talk to me. You're just going to apologize to Conan for not earning him more money.
[623] Well, we won't give it away, but I was going to bring up your guys link because you guys live in a similar neighborhood, similar environments, but we won't say we're on Catalina Island.
[624] It's right.
[625] Yes.
[626] Oh, my God, today was rough getting here.
[627] I was, I'm still seasick, yeah.
[628] I bought you a seaplane.
[629] Oh, I sold it.
[630] Immediately.
[631] Yeah, he doesn't pass.
[632] Yeah.
[633] He pays us in planes.
[634] I just said, you see him, which I thought was very...
[635] What kind of planes, Conan?
[636] What kind of planes?
[637] Don't you like your three -winged 1917 planes?
[638] Oh, I love it.
[639] Sam Plain.
[640] Yeah, Sam Plain.
[641] My name's Sam Plain.
[642] There we go.
[643] There it is.
[644] This is good stuff.
[645] It's just plain.
[646] It's not a company.
[647] It's just a plane.
[648] I never said I was a good writer.
[649] I just managed to be a writer.
[650] When you left S &L, it was, I don't know, it was like everybody took a moment.
[651] It was such a nice send -off, but I think your plan was to do seven years really, really superbly, and then get out on a high note.
[652] And because you did that, you had this glorious send -off, which.
[653] Wrote that.
[654] And didn't even think it was going to make it.
[655] We were like rushing.
[656] We didn't know for sure.
[657] And it was, yeah, it's a moment I'll never forget.
[658] It took me, I think, a year maybe to watch it.
[659] I understand that.
[660] Yeah, it was very hard.
[661] But it was the most beautiful way to go.
[662] I mean, it meant so much to me that we did it.
[663] But also all those stars participating.
[664] I know.
[665] You know.
[666] Jacker was there.
[667] It was crazy.
[668] Nick Jagger sang you off with Ruby Tuesday.
[669] And Dave Grohl, who was the musical guest on my very first show?
[670] Right.
[671] Which I thought was kind of cool.
[672] Steve Martin, John Hamm.
[673] And Arcade Fire was, right?
[674] Arcade Fire.
[675] I didn't memorize it.
[676] Okay.
[677] I'm sorry.
[678] Yeah.
[679] But I just, I don't know, I just, it's kind of, I understand that it's bittersweet to leave that experience.
[680] But if you're going to do it, that's the way to do it.
[681] It was hard.
[682] I couldn't watch the show for a while after I left because it's such an adjustment, as you know, when you're there, it's not just like this job you left.
[683] It's the building that you spend 20 hours a day in.
[684] You've had the best experiences.
[685] You've laughed.
[686] You've cried.
[687] It's your family.
[688] And you're just there physically, like many hours of the day.
[689] And sing about Lorne was really hard.
[690] It was just, yeah, it's your life.
[691] I did a couple of season at S &L, and then I leave and I go to The Simpsons.
[692] Then I come back for late night and do that for 16 years.
[693] So if you add it up, it was 20 years in that building.
[694] And then I'm out here in L .A. for a while.
[695] And then I was like two years or something.
[696] Some time passed, not too long.
[697] And I was going to go on Howard Stern, and I came back to New York, and I walked up by Rockefeller Center.
[698] And I was hit by every emotion you can have.
[699] And I'm very Irish and very proud of the fact that I don't experience emotions or acknowledge them.
[700] Or I can sublimate them so much that I only realized later on that it came out of my sweat or something.
[701] You smell sad.
[702] When I passed that building and I had every feeling that I had of ecstasy, sadness, terror, love, everything came back and it was almost too powerful.
[703] And then I went right in.
[704] to talk to Howard Stern and he's chatting with me and it all I just taught he was like he was like my therapist and that's what we talked about and also because knowing that it hasn't changed there's something else about leaving a job and maybe those people aren't there anymore like that building's gone but everything is the same and you go back now it's like it's the same doors it's the same paint it's the same it's the same and the crew it's mostly the same so I think knowing that it's still existing is like I don't know pulls on you a little more because I'm not there Right.
[705] And there's part of, I can't speak for you, but there's part of me, a tyrannical tyrant in my brain that's thinking, it all should have stopped when I left.
[706] They should have taken the building down.
[707] What's the point of going on?
[708] No, I understand that's very sad, but Egyptian pharaohs had the same idea.
[709] And, but I remembered, I mean, when I took over the late night show for Letterman, Letterman, in his first year, one night, said to Paul, can you believe they're over there doing our show?
[710] And I remember it at the time thinking, oh, he's, I like, that was his apartment.
[711] Yeah.
[712] And now I'm in it.
[713] And he still feels like it's his apartment and these new kids are in there, breaking stuff.
[714] And that's how it can feel sometimes a little bit is just you make it so much your own and then you have to leave.
[715] And then, of course, other people move in and do things differently, but brilliantly.
[716] And that's how it is.
[717] Just keep moving.
[718] Keep moving, people.
[719] That's your new character.
[720] Yeah.
[721] Keep moving.
[722] Keep moving, people.
[723] With Porsche.
[724] Okay, now that's better.
[725] That is better.
[726] That's actually a great little tagline.
[727] Keep moving with Porsche.
[728] I will share.
[729] I won't share.
[730] Well, we could do the commercials together.
[731] Okay.
[732] But would we split the money?
[733] What would the split be?
[734] I mean, I would assume 50 -50, but are you having other thoughts?
[735] Matt and I are here too.
[736] No, no, you're not really here.
[737] We're not here.
[738] No, I don't see you.
[739] This eye.
[740] I have glaucoma in my right eye, so I don't have peripheral vision.
[741] But I see you perfectly.
[742] I'm going to say you've had more experience in film.
[743] You're arguably the bigger deal.
[744] So I would accept a 70 -30 with you getting to 70.
[745] I mean, you're a big deal.
[746] I think you're a big deal.
[747] I'll just, I'll drive.
[748] I want to talk about the latest project because I got to watch.
[749] I've watched the first episode of Pomerail.
[750] And it was, I was watching it with David Hopping, who's the assistant who filled in.
[751] Forona has done a brilliant job.
[752] Took over.
[753] Really took over.
[754] I didn't.
[755] I did okay.
[756] No, no, no. I trained him.
[757] The point here is not about you, Sona.
[758] The point is, saw the first show, an insane cast, absolutely brilliant cast.
[759] And, I mean, it's, it's, it's, You've got Laura Dern, Alice and Janney, Carol Burnett, Riki Martin, who's great.
[760] Oh, my gosh.
[761] They're all, yeah.
[762] The first thing that struck me is this thing, you're fantastic, as always.
[763] And it's like, it's like, of course.
[764] But what's amazing is the look of it, too.
[765] It takes place in 1969.
[766] Yeah.
[767] And it, I don't know what they did, but it's got this saturated retro color to it that is fantastic.
[768] I mean, I haven't seen a show look like that.
[769] It just, it's got, it's like almost like a confection.
[770] Yeah.
[771] Yeah.
[772] And our production designer, John Carlos, was just like, I don't even, his attention to detail.
[773] He would like, there would be a fish tank.
[774] And he would specifically pick the color of the fish to go in the fish tank to match the room, like everything.
[775] And he worked with Alex Freeberg, our costume designer.
[776] So.
[777] The costumes are incredible.
[778] But they work together as far as like, what kind of room they were, I mean, everyone does that, but like really down to like patterns and details and what kind of chair they're sitting on.
[779] I mean, it was like I've never, I've never seen anything like that.
[780] I think it's why it works is that you have, the performers are all so good that they can overcome how stunning it is to look at, meaning I think a lesser performers would get lost in, I mean, I was watching it and I was noticing that Alison, there's a scene where Alice and Janney is talking.
[781] And her sunglasses, which are so vintage 1969 and so big.
[782] And you would love it, Matt, because it's all this very cool, like, period stuff.
[783] And her glasses match are very loud, but beautifully match her insane 1969 outfit.
[784] And then it all blends in with all this color that's happening in the background.
[785] And I noticed myself thinking every now and then when something's just produced so well, I think, man, these people know what they're doing.
[786] They really do.
[787] Because I always came from even the lesser child of an SNL, which was, let's crank out one of these a night.
[788] And so put a bear head on him from the bearhead room.
[789] Yeah.
[790] And I mean, it was very, we didn't light things.
[791] I mean, we did the best we could, but it was vaudeville every night and get it.
[792] And then so I'm always blown away when I watch things.
[793] I've never been in the world of them using a light meter to measure exactly how my face is going to look the best because no one gives shit.
[794] But there's so many people, like props, just looking around any of the sets and just seeing all the little things and why that's part of this person's character.
[795] I don't even think the camera even sees this stuff, but every day we would just walk on the set.
[796] And then the actors, of course, would come and you'd see what they were wearing.
[797] And it was like, you know, five minutes of just talking about that.
[798] It would be hard not to steal some of those outfits.
[799] Oh.
[800] There are.
[801] No, no. Oh, this from the admitted shop.
[802] I didn't steal anything.
[803] I don't steal.
[804] I ask.
[805] How come you can't say that as yourself?
[806] You're doing a character.
[807] Well, because.
[808] I've never committed a larceny.
[809] Well, just say it as yourself.
[810] I mean, I shoplifted when I was a kid, but I would never steal as an adult.
[811] I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of the episodes.
[812] It just looks great.
[813] And, like, Mindy Cone is in.
[814] and Julia Duffy, who is hilarious, Josh Lucas, Leslie Bibb.
[815] Yeah, we got very lucky.
[816] I have a hard time believing you wouldn't have fun, even though you'd get nervous.
[817] This just looks like you would have a really good time.
[818] We had the best time.
[819] Yeah.
[820] I, yeah, that cast, it was just every day.
[821] I mean, it was a long shoot because it's 10 episodes, they're an hour each.
[822] So it was like six and a half months, I think, shooting.
[823] But, yeah, it was great.
[824] And not a bad location to be shooting in.
[825] Oh, yeah.
[826] Good old L .A. It was amazing.
[827] To be able to go home after work was a dream.
[828] Yeah.
[829] What's the worst location you've been in?
[830] Do you have, does it come to mind?
[831] The worst?
[832] Um, oh, that's tough.
[833] I've kind of liked everywhere I've gone.
[834] It's pretty good.
[835] Yeah.
[836] I would think I've always wanted to do, I mean, I think Adam Sandler's a genius because he's made two -thirds of his movies in his, like, favorite beach in Maui.
[837] Yeah.
[838] And it's, and it doesn't matter.
[839] It can be the life's, the story of Abraham Lincoln.
[840] Yeah.
[841] It's Lincoln like, well, I might go to Washington be president, but first I've got to get this coconut open.
[842] So smart.
[843] He knows what he's doing.
[844] He does.
[845] Well, congratulations on Palm Royale.
[846] And, Kristen, it is just a super honor to talk to you because you're off the charts, talented.
[847] And one of those people who I watch you and I think I don't understand.
[848] how she can do this so consistently well, but I'm very happy that you're out there doing it.
[849] Thank you.
[850] And I would like to tell you, I think you're one of the best in what you do.
[851] And when, I don't know, when I heard I was coming on here, I got very excited because you are such a comedic genius to so many people.
[852] And I just think you're amazing.
[853] Oh, boy.
[854] I'm going to keep that in there.
[855] Okay.
[856] Well, here's the thing that'll keep me up at night, one of the best.
[857] God.
[858] All I need to do is find one little seed.
[859] You know, it's not just one of the best, Portia.
[860] Yes.
[861] She also said to so many people, she didn't say herself.
[862] Just write that down as well.
[863] People I know wanted me to tell.
[864] Okay.
[865] All right, Kristen, thank you so much.
[866] Thank you.
[867] Let's do some voicemails.
[868] Let's do a voicemail.
[869] What was wrong with the first?
[870] Because we're not doing more than one.
[871] Okay.
[872] Both of them sounded horrible.
[873] Can the doctor also check Gordon?
[874] I keep begging a neurologist to diagnose me, and then I think while they're here, they can check out Gorley.
[875] Yes, voicemail it is.
[876] All right.
[877] Let's have at it.
[878] Hi, Conan.
[879] My name is Rebecca, and I live in Worcester, Massachusetts, which I know you're very familiar with, right?
[880] I actually am listening to you right now, and I paused the episode because I got so excited is a four weeks pregnant on March 15th, which is about five weeks away.
[881] So I didn't know if maybe since you are a doula, I could be the first person to give birth in your new facility.
[882] Thanks for considering that.
[883] Bye -bye.
[884] Well, I have a lot to say.
[885] First of all, congratulations, Rebecca.
[886] And my greetings to everyone in Worcester, Massachusetts.
[887] That is the town in sort of South Central Massachusetts, where pretty much my entire family is from on both sides.
[888] And I still have a lot of family in Worcester and so many of my father, uncles, I went to Holy Cross College.
[889] So Worcester looms large in my memory and in my heart.
[890] Rebecca, when I said that there was a birthing center here at the Larchmont Studios, I was lying.
[891] There isn't an actual birthing center.
[892] I apologize.
[893] I think I got off on one of my crazy riffs or tangents.
[894] maybe I was talking in an aspirational way.
[895] Do you recall me saying we had a birthing center?
[896] It was with Kelly Pocke.
[897] Yeah.
[898] And who said we had a birthing center?
[899] Was it myself?
[900] Well, it doesn't matter.
[901] But this recording studio used to be at OBG -Y.
[902] Wasn't it a...
[903] No. We were just making a joke on a Kiley -Kilko.
[904] No, no, no. It was just a, it was an office.
[905] It was a place where people met and did business.
[906] I'm talking before Jane Club.
[907] Wait a minute.
[908] This is interesting.
[909] Adam, Sacks is getting on Mike.
[910] Adam, tell us what the story is.
[911] When we got the space, it was immediately before us was the Jane Club, which was a co -working space for working moms, kind of like a we work for working moms.
[912] There was a child care area where working moms could bring their kids.
[913] But before that, I think it was owned, my understanding, owned by an OBGYN who worked obviously like crazy hours around the clock.
[914] And so this actual studio, before we moved in here, was shaped like, if you remember, it was octagonal in shape.
[915] It had like padded walls, and they wanted it to be soundproofed.
[916] and black and quiet so that when the doctor came home she could sleep at any time Oh, it wasn't for pregnant women No, no, no, no, it was a personal home It was for the doctor, the OBGYN to be able to sleep Because she kept strange hours, got it But either way, I think there was a very nurturing energy In this room that we have And we've carried that forward Can't any room be a birthing room Do you really need the like sterile stuff?
[917] Can it just Excuse me We just consult 180 years Of proven medical history Let's see Dr. Lister Yeah No, you need a sterile environment You know what about Like there's a lot of women Who just can't wait Until they get to the hospital We can be that kind of space Say do you want to give birth In an area that reminds you Of giving birth in like a hotel lobby You can come here Where nothing is sterile So what?
[918] What you're basically saying is someone should make a plan to come here and have a baby in an unstear environment.
[919] Yeah.
[920] I mean, that's how we're going to do it.
[921] Rebecca, listen, first of all, I'm thinking of you and this birth is coming on March 15th, but you should definitely not have your baby here at our Larchmont facility.
[922] It is not a sterile environment.
[923] And in fact, boy, are we slabs.
[924] Yeah.
[925] I mean, there is, right?
[926] No. It's very nice to meet here.
[927] No, there's a kitchen right But also, Erica Brown runs a very tight ship.
[928] If she sees you leave a glass and it doesn't matter if it's you or anybody, she'll make you pick it up.
[929] That's true, but I'm constantly knocking food out of your hands.
[930] So there's probably crumbs everywhere.
[931] There are.
[932] Maybe stop so people could have babies here.
[933] That's finally a good reason for me not to knock food out of a grown woman and mother of two's hands.
[934] Yes, thank you.
[935] You know, it's something that we could look into.
[936] because we do have, well, no, we're pretty much using every room here now.
[937] I don't think there's a space in this facility that we could convert into a birthing room.
[938] But how would you feel about being a dula?
[939] Because I think Rebecca mentioned that you could be a dueling.
[940] So you could be there present at birth, helping women deliver.
[941] Listen, I was quite present and involved in the birth of both of my children.
[942] I think I'm a natural dula.
[943] I did shriek the whole time and had to be physically restrained by orderlies.
[944] But other than that, I think I'd be a fine dula.
[945] Terrible.
[946] What are you talking about?
[947] I'd be cracking them jokes and making, doing bits.
[948] Oh, and delivering the baby as a character.
[949] Yeah, I'm an old gold minor.
[950] That's part of it.
[951] But also, you're very squeamish about female bodies.
[952] And, you know, you're just kind of like so, like, repressed that you'd be like, do I have to look at your vagina when it comes out?
[953] Oh, I wouldn't be near the vagina, just where the baby comes out.
[954] What?
[955] Do you know how it works?
[956] The stork shoot.
[957] Yeah.
[958] There's a door What door?
[959] Where's the door?
[960] Upper middle back.
[961] I blacked out for both babies and then that's what they told me later on that's what happened.
[962] It's a mahogany door.
[963] And it's got a little...
[964] Drawn on and magic marker.
[965] Yeah, it's got a little knocker and door opens and the baby walks out wearing a top hat and says, let the life begin.
[966] I actually don't have the heart to break it to you.
[967] Let's go with that.
[968] Yeah, I think that's a better story.
[969] I'm sticking with it.
[970] Okay.
[971] Anyway, any birth that involves a mahogany door between the shoulder blades, I'm fine with.
[972] But I'm not getting near any vagina.
[973] That's not happening, Rebecca.
[974] That's not happening, Rebecca.
[975] Anyway, Rebecca, thinking of you and your new arrival and very happy for you.
[976] Peace out.
[977] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien.
[978] O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goorley.
[979] Produced by me, Matt Goorley.
[980] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[981] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[982] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
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[984] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[985] Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
[986] Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
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