#604 - Eddie Huang & Randall Park

[0] The Joe Rogan experience.

[1] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[2] Yeah, back for round two, ladies and gentlemen.

[3] We're here with Randall Park.

[4] We're waiting on Eddie Huang.

[5] He's stuck in traffic, coming over to Panga, probably dodging hippies.

[6] You ever take that ride over to Panga?

[7] Oh, yeah.

[8] Passed by those fucking weird, organic people.

[9] I passed by a guy who had a sign.

[10] A lot of hemp.

[11] A lot of hemp.

[12] A lot of beads, a dirty feet.

[13] a pass -by guy who had a sign that said vegan gardener like what do that mean like no it wasn't vegan gardener it was vegan landscaping that's what it was I was like what the fuck does that even mean I just wanted to hit him just want to fucking have bears chase him or something son of a bitch random park ladies and gentlemen what's happening Joe good to see you brother good to see you man thanks for coming on here appreciate it yeah sure you are in the middle of one of the most controversial movies in the history of the world.

[14] Yeah, yeah.

[15] You are, you play.

[16] I play Kim Jong -un.

[17] Yeah, in the interview.

[18] Yeah, that's right.

[19] Which is fucking crazy, man. I didn't think it was crazy when I signed on.

[20] I realized it was crazy, you know, in the midst of all that.

[21] What is the verdict?

[22] Because they say that it's not, it's not North Korea.

[23] Someone was saying it was an insider at Sony.

[24] They had it narrowed down to a woman who hacked it.

[25] I read that.

[26] You know, I don't know.

[27] I don't know.

[28] Because after they came out with that, the FBI came out and said, no, it is North Korea.

[29] We have a lot of information that we haven't released.

[30] But it is.

[31] Trust us.

[32] But then, you know, the private kind of security experts still think it's not North Korea.

[33] I would almost always go with private security experts over the FBI.

[34] Almost always.

[35] I kind of feel like most people now would also, which is kind of sad.

[36] as, you know, sad for the FBI, but I think most people are questioning it.

[37] Would you be willing to go over there ever?

[38] Hell, well, ever, you mean, like, do you mean North Korea specifically?

[39] Yes.

[40] Oh, yes, very specifically.

[41] No, no, no, I would not go over there.

[42] I would never go there, especially now.

[43] What if you went over there under the guidance of Dennis Rodman?

[44] No, no, I would say I wouldn't go near Dennis Rodman.

[45] in America, I would not go near him.

[46] But I would not go near North Korea at all.

[47] I mean, if the regime topples, changes, and, you know, I don't know, 20 years from now.

[48] What's the likelihood of that, though?

[49] I don't know.

[50] I don't know.

[51] I think it's possible, but in our lifetimes, I think.

[52] But, yeah, that's the only way I'd go.

[53] Well, we were talking about this before the podcast started that they exchanged flash drives.

[54] Yeah, back and forth to each other.

[55] Yeah, like a huge part of the underground economy there is basically these flash drives with South Korean TV shows, movies, American movies, you know, just glimpses into the outside world that they're not supposed to see.

[56] It's a huge underground market.

[57] So I think the people there, especially the younger people, they know what's going on, you know.

[58] And if they get caught, not only they fucked.

[59] Yeah, well, this is what I've read, and I don't know how it is now.

[60] It might be even worse now, for all I know.

[61] But yeah, if they get caught, they go to a labor camp for I don't know how long.

[62] It's like a three -generational thing.

[63] Their kids go to a labor camp, and their parents will go.

[64] Like the whole family ends up being punished for their action, which is wild.

[65] It's insane.

[66] Yeah.

[67] And when we hear about, like, dictatorships like that, we always think of it.

[68] Like, that's from, like, the 40s.

[69] Like, you know, you think of it as he's...

[70] It is, it is from the 40s.

[71] That's a thing.

[72] And it just has not changed over there.

[73] Yeah.

[74] I just wonder what it would take for something like that to be toppled.

[75] And we were also talking before the podcast started about his uncle, that his uncle apparently was planning some sort of a coup.

[76] So he killed his uncle, killed his uncle's sons.

[77] Yeah, yeah.

[78] I mean, well, one thing that happened when our, when our movie was about to come out, there There was like some expert on North Korea who said that it's important that the elite in Pyongyang see this movie, especially the people in the government and working it because it's so, they're on such shaky ground right now that for them to see something like this could like really help in getting something to happen over there.

[79] This is what Sony you were saying?

[80] No, no. This was like an expert on like some professor or something on North Korea, which I thought was.

[81] interesting but yeah I that kind of blew my mind when he said that wow that's great imagine if it did imagine if that was the catalyst if our ridiculous comedy a Seth Rogan James Franco movie was the catalyst for overthrowing the last great communist dictatorship yeah yeah I mean old school communist dictatorship yeah it's crazy I mean it's all you know so much of it is is this kind of deification you know of him and uh all of this stuff you know our movie but not just that even just glimpses into the outside world it just chips away at that you know and he becomes who he is you know to these people and and to other people and you know in the government and and and that does not help their cause you know or the government or kim jong un's cause you know what is the dennis robin thing what's did you research him at all when you did i did i did yeah i did yeah i I mean, Kim Jong -un, include and his father, Kim Jong -il when he was alive, huge NBA fans.

[82] He was a huge basketball fan.

[83] He was, like, loved Michael Jordan.

[84] And there's a story of Kim Jong -un, supposedly he was a, when he was a student.

[85] He went to, like, an international school in Switzerland, and there are accounts of him from other students.

[86] He'd just sit in class all day and draw doodle pictures of Michael Jordan.

[87] like literally in this class.

[88] So, like, he was obsessed with basketball in that era.

[89] And I think, you know, that Bulls team was running things at the time.

[90] And, like, Rodman, just to, he was a huge Rodman fan.

[91] Wow.

[92] Yeah.

[93] That's so crazy.

[94] It's so crazy.

[95] See Rodman over there hanging out with him is so surreal.

[96] So did you see that press conference?

[97] No. There's a video of, like, a press conference where he's basically sitting there with some other players who went with him.

[98] on this trip and he's clearly drunk and he's basically justifying his his actions by going over there and you know becoming friends with this guy and he's like drunk and this is a press conference from Korea or from America I think it was in Korea that they shot it and you could see the players behind him and they just look super uncomfortable just looking around like well how could you not be super uncomfortable first of all hanging out with Dennis Rodden to make you super uncomfortable.

[99] Dennis Rodman calling a press conference.

[100] Yeah, yeah.

[101] You know?

[102] Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah.

[103] Is the top one or the...

[104] That, it's that, yeah, that top one.

[105] Oh, look who's here.

[106] Eddie Wong in the house.

[107] What's up, brother?

[108] I'm the worst, man. I'm the fucking worst.

[109] Dude, this is L .A. The traffic is insane.

[110] You also, fucking, I'm an idiot that lost my car in a fucking parking garage.

[111] Did you?

[112] Yeah, man, I was running up and down the wrong parking garage.

[113] Were you, like, a long third street, like one of those garages?

[114] Yeah, like the promenade, and they got three garages that look the same.

[115] And I was running up and down.

[116] I'm like, where the fuck is my car?

[117] It was right here.

[118] And then they were like, you know, there's another parking garage.

[119] That's hilarious.

[120] My bad, dude.

[121] No worries, man. We kick things off, Randall, we're good.

[122] We had to cover the interview anyway.

[123] We had to go over all the crazy shit that he's been going through.

[124] Yeah, yeah.

[125] The artist formerly known as Kim Jong -un.

[126] Did you at any point in time feel like you fucked up?

[127] No, man, you know, no. No, I was, this is the thing, I wasn't, like, scared for my life or anything like that.

[128] I'm scared for your life.

[129] But this is the thing.

[130] There were enough people like you, friends, family, people who were genuinely scared for my life, that it got me thinking, like, should I be scared for my life?

[131] Well, you had Secret Service at the house.

[132] What?

[133] Yeah, yeah.

[134] Sony provided us guards.

[135] For how long?

[136] It's like a couple weeks.

[137] fuck sony at first i was like we don't need guards seriously we don't need guards they're like let us just give you some guard just for peace of mind i was like all right all right and then uh and then one day they were just gone like a few weeks later they were gone and i was thinking oh my god we're the guards i need the guards you know like i was just so you know i felt so protected by them when i didn't wouldn't have otherwise you know i just got used and then my friends being so concerned for me it just kind of got me paranoid you did anyone contact you did you get any threats or did anybody no no one on twitter like pretended to be from north korea and fucked with you no we should have done it too dude i you know i mean i would get like spam mail like i always get and i would think twice of i'd be like wait a minute is this like regular spam or is this like hack into my email destroy my life spam you know right right right and uh but i you know I didn't know.

[138] I would never have, I just kind of deleted it, like I always do, you know.

[139] Yeah, you're always, you know, that could be totally unrelated.

[140] Yeah, yeah, most likely.

[141] But, you know, I got paranoid.

[142] I got paranoid after a while.

[143] And then the movie came out, and like we were talking about earlier, it just all died out.

[144] Like the dust settled really quickly.

[145] It was like crazy.

[146] It was like the biggest news.

[147] And then all of a sudden, I don't know.

[148] It seems like things just die quick today.

[149] Yeah, yeah.

[150] Because there's so much new scandal coming down, every day.

[151] There's always something new, nutty dickpicks fucking sex scandal something horrible happens you know, ISIS cut somebody's head off, something, you know, there's always some new thing.

[152] Cosby, another woman.

[153] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[154] Yeah, one year, the things that used to happen in five years happen in one year now.

[155] It happened in a day.

[156] It's weird.

[157] Yeah, it's kind of insane.

[158] Yeah, things are accelerating for sure.

[159] Yeah, even when I travel every city I go to, there's a pocket of every city that looks the same, like that same arts district.

[160] is in every fucking city with the same stores, the same kids, the same clothes.

[161] And by contrast, the same Applebee's, the same Walmart, the same Target.

[162] I mean, if you're in a target anywhere in America, you feel like you're in the same spot.

[163] You're in the same spot.

[164] Yeah.

[165] How the fuck did you go from being a chef to being on a sitcom?

[166] What the hell's going on, man?

[167] How did you run this, man?

[168] Dude, I guess we kind of ran the table.

[169] Yeah.

[170] We fucking definitely, we hit for the cycle the last two years.

[171] You were in a TED talk?

[172] Yeah.

[173] I mean, fuck.

[174] Yeah.

[175] That's when I met you.

[176] You know, the deal for this show was cut the day I met you.

[177] That's hilarious.

[178] Yeah, you were part of this, Joe.

[179] That's amazing.

[180] You're part of this.

[181] I feel responsible.

[182] You're part of Asian history.

[183] There you are.

[184] Yeah, thank you.

[185] Thank you, Joe.

[186] So how did it go down?

[187] Well, what happened was I was at TED, and then there was this producer, Melvin Marr, who my boy Jay gave the book to.

[188] So he read the book, and he was, like, looking at these, you know, stats and demographics.

[189] They send those things in the studio, like, pay attention to the Asian market.

[190] they got fucking money now you know what i mean like people are buying fucking soy products so he got one of those things that was a directive or or some study saying look there's a lot of asian viewers you know we should make some content for this the book landed on his table within like the similar amount of time i was in long beach i was doing the show at you and he met me that night wow that's incredible that that's incredible and you got in trouble for doing the show right because you left ted and they get pissed at you for yeah they were mad because i did you You know, I did the number one podcast in the world, Joe Rogan.

[191] And then I also did DVD Ossah.

[192] They weren't too happy about that.

[193] And I went to take the meeting with Melvin.

[194] And they were like, you should be here politicking with these TED people sucking this Scientology dick.

[195] Wait, did they say, did they have like?

[196] No, no, no Scientology deals.

[197] Was it that, did they have like a specific thing plan for you?

[198] Or they just wanted you to hang out?

[199] No, I had already given my talk.

[200] And then it was like, dude, we'd looked like slow children.

[201] They had us with signs and, like, neck lanyards with your photo and, like, speaker.

[202] And then these people would be like, donor.

[203] And we were supposed to, like, show more love to the donors.

[204] Oh, one of those.

[205] And I was just like, man. Yeah.

[206] Yeah.

[207] I was like, this is weird.

[208] It was the beginning of my understanding, my journey of trying to understand what's where Ted has gone.

[209] Yeah.

[210] Like, where it started out as and what it is now.

[211] And you were very illuminating Yeah, it was cool because after me and Sarah Silverman kind of shit on it, there's been lots of people that come out being like, yo, they fucked with my speech, they told me to say this, they took this down.

[212] Did you find that during your speech where they like putting their hands in it?

[213] Yeah, they definitely tried to edit it.

[214] I mean, it's everywhere.

[215] The last few years I've started to realize everywhere you go besides like pretty much vice, I guess, is they just, they try to put their dick in your ear Everywhere you go, man Say, hey, come here, kid Come here, come here, Ah, fuck you.

[216] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[217] You want to get rich, do you?

[218] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[219] There's only one way.

[220] Yeah, you got to suck that donor dick.

[221] Well, they would make you stay with somebody else, too.

[222] They made you stay in a room.

[223] Yeah, it was weird.

[224] We were, like, adults, and they had his rooming, and I was rooming with this other guy who was super nervous about his speech, and I was just like, this is bugged.

[225] It's bugged out.

[226] You gave me a box of kind bars, and I'm supposed to be cool with this.

[227] And then they get mad when you go, to do other shit just a very very bizarre very bizarre yeah you should sign up to be a ted speaker one year just so you could like do the expose not interested i speak too much as it is i'm highly overexposed so fresh off the boat when does this start airing February 4th is this CBS ABC ABC beautiful February 4th and is everything in the can already you guys done are you filming right now yeah we're done we're done shooting how many episodes you guys do 13 13 so they decided to film 13 and then air they did a pilot they liked it and then they just shot 13 order 12 more yeah that's nice yeah that's nice um if they pick up what they call the back nine and give you a full order of 22 when do you uh when do you know about all that i think may and we find out in may yeah i don't yeah i don't know if we're going to do the bat i think it'll be just just the next season yeah yeah yeah that's cool so what's that experience been like man randall you go first i've been talking about it too because Randall goes first.

[228] Well, I mean...

[229] Also, the eldest Asian goes first.

[230] That's right.

[231] Respect.

[232] That's right.

[233] You know, for me, it was fun.

[234] It was, you know, there was a lot of challenges.

[235] I was, you know, I've been kind of the middleman, I feel like, in a lot of the situation.

[236] So, like, you know, talking to the producers, talking to the other actors, talking to Eddie, and, like, you know, trying to kind of navigate everything.

[237] and hearing out their issues and their problems.

[238] And so, I don't know.

[239] That, that, I think with any TV show, they're always like politics and issues.

[240] But when you have one that's specifically based on a memoir of a real life person, you know, there's a lot of kind of bumps in the road and a lot of things to work out.

[241] And we definitely had those, those issues.

[242] But with that being said, I mean, I had a great time.

[243] The cast has been great.

[244] the you know the crew i i i had fun i had fun and uh i think it's like it's a good show you know it's and it's a groundbreaking show like in terms of just asians on tv you know well margaret show was the first yeah she had that show all american girl i was 20 years ago yeah yeah i was around back then i remember it i was friends with margaret and the whole when it went down it was it was weird they were telling you got to lose weight you got to do this dude yeah just different you can't have a fat asian on tv you or fuck they mean like her story stories about her pretty fucking crazy.

[245] It's bad, dude.

[246] They had, like, an Asian consultant or something on that show, like, basically telling them how to be Asian, you know?

[247] Yeah.

[248] I mean, we had those weird -ass accent coach to his, too, though.

[249] The dude was super cool.

[250] It was a super cool dude.

[251] But there was a dude that was literally, like, Randall, your accent, like, checking on the accents and shit.

[252] Yeah, and that, that, yeah, super cool guy, a friend of mine, even.

[253] But it was, like, it definitely got me in my head for that pilot.

[254] So, after, once we got into the series, I was like, no, I'm going to learn this.

[255] I'm going to learn this on my own.

[256] What were the accent?

[257] Were you trying to learn a Chinese accent?

[258] It was like a, supposed to be a Mandarin -Taiwanese accent.

[259] But I feel like there isn't one.

[260] There isn't one, exactly.

[261] Everyone speaks in their own fucked -up way.

[262] And that's what I learn.

[263] That's what I learned.

[264] It's like there is, because I went to so many people to get, like, coaching, you know, like to get specifically experts or actors who could really do it because there were no dialect like coaches who can do it.

[265] But they all had different approaches.

[266] And I was like, there is not one way to do an accent.

[267] Yeah, it's basically a cottage industry for Asian people to just gee off and be like, oh, no, no, I know this accent thing.

[268] Let me tell you.

[269] It's fly lice.

[270] Ours or L's.

[271] I'm like, no, no, it's not always.

[272] So they're just running a game and the white people are like, oh, okay, okay, he's really legit.

[273] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[274] We have an Asian accent consultant.

[275] Yeah, they hired this.

[276] This guy, he's like an actor.

[277] He's an actor.

[278] And he was like, I got hired to consult on the accent because I'm Taiwanese.

[279] And it was just like, yo, this is so bunk.

[280] But what do they try to do with you?

[281] They try to fuck with your accent?

[282] Because you have a New York accent.

[283] No, no, no. I just do voiceover.

[284] He narrates.

[285] I just do voiceover and give people a hard time.

[286] That's pretty much my job on the show.

[287] So you don't act on the show?

[288] No, I'm just, I'm the voice.

[289] Oh.

[290] Yeah.

[291] So does someone play you?

[292] Yeah, there's a 12 -year -old kid who's a really cool kid.

[293] Yeah.

[294] Oh, wow.

[295] So it's sort of like.

[296] that Chris Rock show.

[297] Everybody hates Chris?

[298] Yeah.

[299] Exactly.

[300] Yeah.

[301] That's interesting.

[302] Yeah.

[303] Oh, see, I was under the impression that you were acting in it.

[304] I was confused.

[305] He is, but, like, voice.

[306] Voice acting.

[307] And who do you play?

[308] I play the dad.

[309] You play his dad?

[310] Yeah.

[311] That's a weird relationship.

[312] It's weird.

[313] It's weird relationship.

[314] It's funny because my mom on the show is the same age as me now.

[315] Oh, wow.

[316] But super cool.

[317] Like, you know, the actors on the show were incredible.

[318] Like, the casting on the show, I think, is my favorite part of it.

[319] Yeah.

[320] I'm not just saying it because homie is.

[321] here like we really get along we hang out we eat Jamaican beef patties that's what we're worried that 12 year old kid is going to be like that two and a half men kid just fucking get crazy yes yes yes absolutely he already gets crazy but I love the kid he's a great kid he's like amazing but he's a real kid he's not like an actor he you know he didn't have hardly any experience going in and and that's part of the reason why we loved him so much he was just raw you know a Brooklyn Chinese kid that went to a cold acting casting and then we saw his tape and i remember watching did you get to see his audition uh i saw i mean i was there for some of the early ones but i didn't see the the original dude his audition is so funny they're like telling him to say things and he's swinging at the camera with his arm he's looking in the wrong direction he just doesn't give a fuck and i saw the tape was like we have to cast this kid well just personality just personality he couldn't be bothered could not be bothered and even when we i mean randle may hate us at times because the kid will be bouncing off the walls.

[322] Like, we basically just captured this real kid on camera.

[323] Totally.

[324] Like, cool.

[325] Start, stop.

[326] Yeah.

[327] But the other kids, like, they were all polished actors, you know, with clean line reads, you know, like, and emoting right at the right, you know, right at the right word.

[328] And it just, I don't know, it just didn't feel like.

[329] Yeah.

[330] When a show comes around that's very specifically Asian and it's hiring all these Asian people, there's like, there's a tremendous amount of attention from the Asian community.

[331] Everybody gets very excited.

[332] I have Asian friends that were actors, and they would get very bummed out that there's no roles for Asian.

[333] And they would get really pissed off.

[334] And I would bring up, like, when John Wayne played Genghis Khan, fucking, boiling red and angry.

[335] Mickey Rooney.

[336] Charlie Chan, Charlie Chan was a white guy.

[337] Yeah, with the tape on the eyes.

[338] Yeah.

[339] So now that there's, like, an actual Asian show, like, what is the response been?

[340] Like, you're an actor.

[341] I mean, it's like the wire, dude.

[342] Basically, every Asian person is hitting you up.

[343] Like, yo, can I be bubbles?

[344] Everybody want to be bubbles.

[345] Yeah, exactly, man. It's been like, you know, I mean, overwhelming, like just positivity and negativity and, you know, skepticism.

[346] And it's everything.

[347] It's because it's the only one, you know.

[348] Does there any, like, inter -Asian, like, anger?

[349] Like, you are being a Korean guy playing a guy who's from Taiwan?

[350] You know, I haven't experienced.

[351] it personally.

[352] I'm sure it's out there.

[353] I haven't experienced it personally.

[354] I had my own issues with that, too.

[355] I actually went to Eddie early on.

[356] After I found out the show was being picked up to pilot, I was like, I don't think that this doesn't feel right.

[357] I don't think I should be playing this part.

[358] Really?

[359] Yeah, Randall's super earnest about it.

[360] Yeah, I like wigged out about it.

[361] I actually had a nervous breakdown about it.

[362] A nervous breakdown?

[363] Not a nervous, a panic attack.

[364] Really?

[365] I had a panic attack.

[366] How does that go?

[367] Just like, I thought I was going to die.

[368] Like literally, like the night before, I was like, couldn't sleep.

[369] And I had to keep moving.

[370] I was like, and I knew it was because of this because I was just so in my, I was like, I don't think I should be playing this part.

[371] This is like a big moment.

[372] Yeah.

[373] And that's part of the reason that got me to that thought was because after the show got picked up, it was already all over the internet, like amongst Asian people, like, super excited for it.

[374] It was super positive.

[375] Yeah, the great yellow hope shit.

[376] It was just like, everybody was like, oh, my God, our dicks are all going to get bigger.

[377] February 4th My dick is going to be six and a half inches Everybody going to have Six and a half inch dicks on February 4th So It's fascinating So I was like Oh man I don't know if I should be I don't know if I'm the one You know And it's just because of the fact that you're Korean Playing a guy was Chinese Well yeah Yeah I mean that was a big part of it Also I had my You know I had issues with the character And we talked about it And I had like I was like man I don't know I just don't feel like this is the right i think the thing was was randall is so earnest and and the reason like i've really bonded with randall through the whole thing is there's a lot of people that'll lie to you in hollywood there's a lot of fake motherfuckers out here wait a minute what are you saying hold on i can't be a part of the show anymore i gotta go i have a meeting but no like he would we would talk really openly and honestly about the script like the things that didn't seem to like represent my pops that that weren't totally Totally there because you know network shows they always have like a really powerful woman and a kind of a schlubby dude My dad walked around the crib in his underwear with AK Just chilling did he really?

[378] Yeah, okay.

[379] Yeah, he cocked it on my friend once when we were just like watching cartoons And my dad was like ha ha and I was just like, whoa His dad is a badass.

[380] I mean like I met him the dude is I mean not only a bad he's just like a dynamic.

[381] He's like Eddie.

[382] He's like this dynamic person.

[383] He didn't mean a bad, because my friend had been asking him about it and he always wanted to see it, so my dad when they just came out with him, it was like, bong bong.

[384] Wow.

[385] Yeah, so, you know, and we don't see much of that in the character of the show.

[386] But, you know, with that being said, like, you know, my issues were just like, yeah, I don't want him to be, like, you know, always, like, the funny one or always the inept kind of classic sitcom dad.

[387] I want him to kind of I want him to do well.

[388] I want him to work.

[389] hard.

[390] I want to be a good example for the kids, you know, because, again, we're the only Asian show.

[391] It's important that, like, I don't just play that one lane.

[392] I want him to be more fleshed out, you know.

[393] That is a real issue, right?

[394] If you're the only Asian show on television, you definitely don't want to be a negative stereotype.

[395] You don't want to, like, play into all the bullshit that is already out there, the negative stereotypes.

[396] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[397] That's a tricky, tricky position, huh?

[398] Is that why you felt like you were real nervous about it?

[399] That was, that was it.

[400] I mean, also, like, in combination with the accent, you know, if you have an accent, that's one thing.

[401] Hit me with some of that accent.

[402] No, I can not get you with that.

[403] Come on, man. Give me that duck sauce.

[404] You're a goddamn professional.

[405] You're a professional.

[406] But the thing...

[407] Just say, fuck you, Joe Rogan with that accent.

[408] I'm not going to say that.

[409] No, all right, no. Okay, just try it.

[410] Fuck you, Joe Logan.

[411] Yeah, fuck you, Joe Logan.

[412] It's Joe Logan in Chingrish.

[413] Yeah.

[414] Exactly.

[415] No, but yeah, exactly.

[416] It's like you got an accent.

[417] And we've just seen throughout history, Hollywood history.

[418] It's like, if there's an accent, this character's one -dimensional.

[419] You know, David Cho had this fucking great post.

[420] There was one point in time we pulled his DVD -ASA podcast off the air, and he put this great quote on his website about Jackie Chan.

[421] He goes, how come Jackie Chan never got to fuck or finger -bang?

[422] Yes, yes, yes.

[423] And he's killing off this whole thing about everyone's afraid of the, yellow man. Everybody talks about fear of a black planet.

[424] Romeo must die.

[425] That was a huge moment for like Asian kids.

[426] Yeah.

[427] Remember Jetli and Aaliyah?

[428] If you could have just made out with Alia, I swear like my sex life would have tripled.

[429] And then we were sitting in that theater.

[430] They don't even like, they don't even shake hands.

[431] What is that?

[432] What is that?

[433] And that's Romeo and Julia.

[434] That was like the, what the fuck?

[435] They don't even shake hands.

[436] Except for Walking Dead.

[437] That's the only time with the Asian guy wins.

[438] But that's the thing.

[439] thing is like there had to be a zombie apocalypse for an Asian dude for an Asian dude to get some pussy it had to be a zombie apocalypse that dude had to be the last motherfucker fucker But there's a few white dudes that want to fuck that chick On that show She's the hottest chick on that show by far By far And that's a big victory for the Asian culture That was Asian, we caught one there We caught one Yeah yeah that was a good one Yeah Well there's a lot of anger and resentment In the Asian community too When Asian girls will exclusively date white guys yeah i used to get mad but now i'm just like it's cool yeah yeah there's billions of us that is a weird thing though right i mean it's a common occurrence when i was in college that would that that that would like yeah that would definitely like get me upset hit home but i'm the same like i'm just like dude it's you know my my thing is everybody deals with their identity in their own way yeah and it's like if you if you if you're not loving someone for the right reasons it may rear its head in three months six months six years but eventually you're gonna deal with it yeah and it's just not my job to be judge and jury with shorties and white dudes it's kind of you know shorties that's that's your prerogative man but i yeah i used to get tight in college yeah you get angry yeah tight in college that's yeah i was always about white chicks with big butts anyway so who isn't yeah exactly poggs is a number one drop down on bang blows i think yeah that's a perfect ass white girl if you don't know what pa wg means yeah that's something about that well it's just such an anomaly you know you find a white girl with perfect ass we were in uh tony hitchcliff and i were in this coffee shop the other day we met this black girl from kenya who she had an ass she turned around and we both went like that just like looked at each of like jesus is that real and then we talked about it for like an hour afterwards like you don't ever see that on any other nationality it's all only black chicks from Africa.

[440] I mean, she had, her ass was, like, in the middle of her back, you know.

[441] West Indian will come up with it.

[442] Like, Caribbean, West Indian, you'll get it.

[443] Right.

[444] Right now, there's a lot of chicks with fake butts out there.

[445] If you look at Instagram sometimes, there's a lot of these girls that, you know, they never showed the backside.

[446] Then all of a sudden, like, six weeks, there's a gap in photos, and then bang.

[447] And you're like, whoa.

[448] Is that, you mean people here in America?

[449] That's a thing?

[450] Yeah, there's a few girls in New York.

[451] I know in Brazil, that's like...

[452] Yo, it's huge in Brazil and Colombia, but New York now, there's a lot of New York girls with fake butts.

[453] Well, you know what's fucked up about that?

[454] It's like, a girl can get her butt big by working out.

[455] You can lift weights.

[456] Like, you can't do anything about your breasts.

[457] If you want your breast to be larger, I don't think they have a solution to that yet.

[458] But if you want your ass to be big, all you're going to do, you lazy bitch, just do some squats.

[459] You don't have to stick plastic in your ass.

[460] My ass is tight.

[461] I got the workout.

[462] Beautiful.

[463] Beautiful.

[464] I knew a dude who had chest implants.

[465] Oh, God.

[466] Yeah, he got chest implants.

[467] That's weird.

[468] He was a comedian.

[469] He decided, you know, he wanted to be a sitcom star and he had a chicken chest and instead of working out.

[470] I mean, I think you worked out a little bit, but he had peck implants.

[471] I feel like Fat Jew, I think I talked to him, I think he wants breast implants.

[472] Who's Fat Jew?

[473] This comedian Fat Jew, he's awesome.

[474] That's his name?

[475] Yeah, that's his name.

[476] Yeah, he sends me photos like this, dude.

[477] He sends me wild photos of turkey testicles.

[478] this is super weird stuff man but he's the best you have to see this he sent this to me for Thanksgiving but yeah hmm okay so it's a turkey with his balls yeah yeah it's a it's a turkey he cut out a hole and just put his balls as basically a photo of his balls yeah yeah it's just an acceptable way for him to send his balls to me exactly yeah is he a guy in New York yeah he he's in New York he's been a home me for a few years he was like in this rap group team facelift yeah super futuristic dude you you got to have him on the show all right i'm in fat jew yeah interesting that's my man strange name yeah yeah so you guys have been filming this for how many months now oh since uh we ended right before christmas yeah and did it go through like um i've been on a sitcom news radio from the beginning to like the one of the first episodes to the end it's like they grow and everybody sort of finds their own rhythm and people get fired and writers new writers come in do you guys go through all that we didn't like that only because we didn't start airing while we're in production I feel like those things happen when it starts airing and then the feedback comes and and you know the lower it maybe the ratings are like on the edge and then they start panicking oh we got to make changes but we didn't we like we're literally in a bubble kind of it's a gift and a curse that you're mid -season when you're mid -season they buy all the episodes and they're gonna all air yeah so did they do a pilot first yeah the pilot's great they did the pilot pilot's actually my favorite episode of the whole season so you did a pilot and then how long before they decided to pick it up so you had a little bit of a break yeah we finished it i feel like we delivered it in march right and then we found out in may yeah beginning in may months Yeah, two months I didn't think it was going to get picked up Not because I didn't think it was good Because nothing gets picked up Nothing gets picked up No one And no Asian family sitcom gets picked up Well one ever One 20 years ago Yeah it was fine I knew it would get picked up I told everybody I was like yo man I see you at Chase Bank Motherfucker See you at Chase Bank Eddie knew I was just like You know I've been in the trenches As an actor for a long I'm like these things don't happen You know They don't happen And then it happened, I was like, well, they occasionally happened.

[479] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[480] I feel like you will shit to happen.

[481] Like, with my whole life, I just feel like, you know, you got to, like, will it and just believe it.

[482] And if you don't, then it really won't.

[483] It has to, everything, the mojo all has to line up.

[484] Yeah.

[485] It helps.

[486] It helps if you believe it.

[487] But there's a lot of people out there that watch the secret and thought, I'm going to change my life.

[488] Yeah.

[489] And then nothing fucking happened.

[490] Yeah.

[491] No, I think you have, it's essential to believe, and then there's still a lot of shit.

[492] But if you don't believe, good luck.

[493] Yeah, there's a vibration that you have to catch.

[494] You have to be on a frequency, and all these things have to align together in order for it to be successful.

[495] Yeah, and you can feel it.

[496] Like, you can really feel the energy.

[497] Like, we had a good energy on our show, and I think it's because everyone, this was the biggest thing anyone, well, not you had a lot of other hits, but like Constance Hudson, the kids.

[498] You know, it's Melvin, the producer's first thing that's his own.

[499] It was the biggest thing I've done.

[500] And, you know, for everybody, he was just like humbling to be there happy happy to get there and then once we got there we were like let's break shot you know let's do this well you should act man you got such a great person now thanks man I tell him that all the time I tell him I'm like I'm like I'm writing something for you yeah that's why it made sense to me that you were on a sitcom like there's a lot of chefs if you told me they were on a sitcom I'd be like what yeah like Emeril Bam everyone Emeril had a sitcom?

[501] I didn't know that exactly exactly Yeah, Emeril had a fucking sitcom.

[502] I think it was called Emeril.

[503] Yeah, it was like some fucking NBC disaster.

[504] Oh, my God.

[505] I mean, he's actually pretty fucking cool in person.

[506] Like, I chill with Emeril on Top Chef.

[507] Dude is, especially in New Orleans.

[508] I got to hang with him in New Orleans.

[509] Cool, dude.

[510] That's his spot, right?

[511] Yeah, that's his spot.

[512] But, like, no, I definitely, I told my agent, I was like, yo, if there's any roles out there for an Asian Joe Pesci, fucking sign me out.

[513] That's what I want to be.

[514] An Asian Joe Pesci, Goodfellowsy, or Joe Pesci, Lethephy, lethal weapon?

[515] Oh, like my cousin Vinnie.

[516] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[517] Yeah, I mean, you could totally act.

[518] That's why when I heard that you were doing it, I was like, oh, wow, what is this fucking versatile motherfucker?

[519] Well, I'm voice acting, but no, I got to do the acting.

[520] It'll be fun.

[521] I'm excited.

[522] The voice acting, too, that, I mean, that's like, I feel like that was a, I mean, that wasn't in the original, that wasn't in the original pilot.

[523] It kind of came in like, how can we make this better?

[524] And then they came up with the idea.

[525] We got to have Eddie.

[526] That, like, changed it.

[527] It, like, really made it solidified the show, you know, and framed it in the right way.

[528] It happened in the edit.

[529] I think it was just in the edit, they were like, yo, you should fucking Kevin Arnold this thing.

[530] Yeah.

[531] You know, I was so excited.

[532] I was really excited.

[533] They told him, I was playing ball when Melvin called me and was like...

[534] I like how he did this.

[535] I was playing ball.

[536] Getting buckets.

[537] Yeah, is there any way they could write you in?

[538] I mean, who would you play if you were going to be on that show?

[539] You're like cousin, cousin Eddie would be sick Or cousin Alan I got a cousin Alan or something But yeah like a cousin Yeah you could be like kids cousin It's always giving them like sneaky advice Getting them in trouble You know leading them astray Yeah Even in real life man The kid was telling me He's like yo I like girls now Like word that's great That's great That's great that's great That's really great You like girls And I was like Do you have like a girlfriend or whatever He's like no there's this girl I like but I'm afraid to talk to her And I was like well What are you going to and do then you should go talk to her and he's like no no no i don't want to talk to her and i was like well what do you want to do and he's like i kind of want to touch her and i was like good good so i'm like yo when she gets out of class just kind of bump into her boobs with your elbow no don't tell what i was like no yeah you got to just kind of bump into the boobs you can't tell him that and you definitely can't admit that on the internet because if he goes and do if he goes and does that now that's like sexual assault no it's not that you did that in middle school didn't you come out of like seventh grade and i lived in a different world my friend this is the world the internet Social justice warriors.

[540] He just asked that dude to commit rape.

[541] No, no, no. In this world?

[542] This day and age.

[543] You are illegally touching a sexual organ with your elbow on purpose.

[544] It's not an accident.

[545] You're pretending it's an accident.

[546] Fuck, man. Do I have to apologize?

[547] We live in a dark world.

[548] I'm so sorry, boobs.

[549] I'm so sorry to all those boobs out there.

[550] Especially if the girl doesn't want him to touch her boobs, then it's really sexual assault.

[551] Well, I mean, you know, I'm sure the girl, he's a good kid.

[552] I'm sure she wouldn't mind it.

[553] That's not sure enough.

[554] Randall, you never, like, kind of just brushed up against the pair?

[555] Don't admit to it.

[556] Even if you did, don't say it.

[557] I cannot recall.

[558] Fine, I'm the only one.

[559] Fine, I'm the only one that was running my Nautica competition fleece against.

[560] People will stop beating that Cosby horse and start running towards you with sticks.

[561] Oh, man, no, I just got through with the interview.

[562] I'm not on that.

[563] No, come on.

[564] It doesn't matter.

[565] There's so many people out there, they're looking to be angry.

[566] They're looking to find something.

[567] They just can't brush it off with something innocent or joking around.

[568] And especially when it comes to something.

[569] asking a young kid giving him advice how to bump into a chick's tits Maybe I did fuck up You fucked up It doesn't matter Which is what you tell him to do Tell him to let her watch him And then she'll probably like him Compelling All right I'm gonna have to call Hudson tonight And be like yo remember that technique I told you about Kind of brushing up against the boots New plan New plan Uncle Joe wants her to watch the show first Trust Uncle Joe Tell him the pussy bus is coming All right.

[570] They're loading it up right now.

[571] Once you get on TV, they're going to want to brush their tits up against you.

[572] Then it's way better.

[573] Wait for them to brush up against you.

[574] That sexual assault, nobody complains about that sexual assault.

[575] It's not a guy alive.

[576] I was ever complaining about a girl brushing her tits up against you.

[577] But I remember the first time I saw up a skirt was incredible.

[578] I was an Earth Space Science class.

[579] I was an Earth Space Science.

[580] And there was this one Colombian chick that was so fly.

[581] Like always came done up, was the first one to be wearing heels.

[582] in school.

[583] How old was she?

[584] Well, we were both 14, so we were both 14.

[585] She might have been 15.

[586] She was wearing heels.

[587] And I remember she had this like hound's tooth dress on, and I was just like, yo, her legs look like fucking hams right now.

[588] They look like Christmas, honey -baked hams in there.

[589] And I could not stop looking.

[590] And I remember she turned to me, smiled, and just opened her legs and nodded.

[591] And I was like, looked, and it was just peach fuzz and bear.

[592] And I was just, oh!

[593] Life change She had no underwear on No underwear Oh my god She just flashed it I was 14 And I was just like And I was like me She was like yeah Whoa Oh like this is for you Yeah and I was I was cooked I couldn't talk to her Oh my god Yeah that was my first time Yeah That was my first time But yeah So maybe I should have just told Hudson Just keep staring Just be at the right place At the right time You've been staring They call that eye rape Oh yeah Yeah you're gonna have to issue You've been reading the New Yorker?

[594] No, I just, I like to, I like to read super progressive websites where they're just out of their fucking mind.

[595] Yeah.

[596] It's mostly people that no one wants to fuck.

[597] And what they're trying to do is establish these parameters for what is appropriate and not appropriate.

[598] It's mostly against men.

[599] I think that's the thing, though, that doesn't work because, like, I'm all about women's rights and ideologies and all those things is, I just went and did a whole piece in Japan about why the birth rate is declining there.

[600] And I was, like, championing the fact that we've asked women to go into the workplace, but then not redistribute the duties of home and child wearing and child bearing.

[601] And it's just like, we have to redistribute the duties that are traditionally left for women because they're working now.

[602] We all got to share.

[603] But then when you just have rules of, like, don't do this and don't do that, you're not really understanding the relationship of, like, men, women, and society.

[604] You're just setting weird -ass rules that make everybody upset and uncomfortable.

[605] Well, it's also, like, who's setting those rules?

[606] like one of them is about drinking like they're saying that men and women when they're having sex this is hilarious blog that I like to read occasionally and they were trying to say that if men and women if they're both if they're drinking if you're drinking and you have sex with someone it's rape including if a woman is sober and the man is drunk if the woman has sex with a drunk man she's raping him she's raping him she's raping it's fucking hilarious it is hilarious that might be my favorite position if you're drunk being me being drunk her being sober that is my favorite position.

[607] The language that they use is that if you're drunk, they put you in a position where you cannot consent.

[608] You're not able to consent because you're drunk.

[609] I mean...

[610] Which is, first of all, it's rude towards women because some women have to be drunk.

[611] It's a stratut.

[612] They do it on purpose.

[613] They want to be drunk so that they can deal with the fact they're going to let some dude fuck them.

[614] A lot of dudes are annoying as shit.

[615] And women get horny.

[616] And they're like, God, I want someone to fuck me, but I don't want this idiot.

[617] Throw a few shots back.

[618] Yeah, we all do that, yeah.

[619] Let's do it.

[620] You know, I can understand it if it's, like, in fraternities and sororities because the rampant rape on college campuses is insane right now because at that age, just nobody knows what the fuck they're doing.

[621] Right.

[622] But, like, adults, man, like, who's having sex without drinking?

[623] Seriously.

[624] That's a good...

[625] Like, without some combination of, like, wine, X, or weed, like, nobody's having sex.

[626] Sober people.

[627] We would be Japan.

[628] Yeah.

[629] Right.

[630] Sober people, you know, people who are, like, in the program or something.

[631] Alcoholics and on us people.

[632] What do they do?

[633] Oh.

[634] Have terrible sex.

[635] Go jogging.

[636] Get a runner's high first.

[637] Man. Hold their breath.

[638] Hold their breath.

[639] Go spinning and then smash.

[640] Then you got to shower twice.

[641] What do you fuck is up with that?

[642] Yeah.

[643] And the high might wear off.

[644] Coffee.

[645] Coffee sex.

[646] A runner's high doesn't last nearly as long as I get edible.

[647] It's a nice cold brew.

[648] Coffee sauce.

[649] I would get crazy lockjaw and dry mouth with coffee sex.

[650] For real.

[651] For real.

[652] If I drank coffee and then she sat on my face, there would be serious problems.

[653] Well, if you drink coffee, your cum is more likely to get a girl pregnant.

[654] Really?

[655] Yeah, the sperm is more active.

[656] Drink green tea.

[657] Green tea.

[658] Even same thing.

[659] Caffeine.

[660] Oh, really?

[661] Yeah, it's caffeine.

[662] Caffeine makes your sperm more active.

[663] That's for real.

[664] Nothing is safe these days.

[665] Nothing is fucking safe.

[666] Nothing safe.

[667] Nothing safe.

[668] There's nothing safe, including sex.

[669] It's not safe.

[670] So, point being, don't tell this 12 -year -old kid the wrong shit, because as the climate becomes more and more hostile towards men, it's going to get crazier and crazier.

[671] You guys really think I thought?

[672] We should ask the Twitters and just be like, no, no, no, no. Don't ask Twitter anything ever.

[673] So I'm just going to correct this and tell him, just stare and tell her to watch your show.

[674] Just stay offline.

[675] Don't Google your name.

[676] Keep moving.

[677] Don't exist.

[678] Just don't exist.

[679] Keep moving.

[680] well the things that you used to get away with when you you know like natural boy girl type shit it's like you know people take offense to that stuff now yeah like the annie hall thing when he just he goes to grab her i don't remember annie hall oh it's great he's like it's like alvey singer as a kid and he goes to kiss the girl and then the girl's like even throyd talks about a latency period alvey yeah yeah i don't remember it i saw it so long ago it's a great movie what do you have here's another one yeah A bad example I shouldn't put myself worse You know what I'm saying We should just change the subject Have you ever seen those photos of Woody Allen With the girl on his lap When she was a little girl when he was the dad And then the two of them together Wait the girl who The girl who was cute Oh his wife His wife now Well she was sitting on his lap When she was a little girl at a basketball game And then many years later She's sitting next to him holding his hand As his wife It's crazy It's like, yo.

[681] It's weird.

[682] Well, that's seeing it laid out like that, it's very dark.

[683] It's like this one thing, like, if you hear about it, like, well, maybe he didn't spend a lot of time with her.

[684] But then you see the photo with her on his lap at a basketball game.

[685] And then...

[686] Yeah, and when you see them now, even in the garden, it's bugged.

[687] It's totally bugged out.

[688] It's amazing that he goes out with her.

[689] Yeah.

[690] He's got mad balls.

[691] I mean, that guy's got crazy ball.

[692] Do you need to be ringside or court side?

[693] fucking bad with your daughter wife no stay in the nose just cuffing with your daughter wife don't even go watch it in home they have it on TV yeah you got voodoo yeah what the fuck man it just seems like it's not a good move but I don't I don't think people care he got no fucks given that dude just I think because of that people don't care is I mean he just got a big deal I don't know if you read about like Amazon Amazon TV deal like he's doing like shows for Amazon yeah not even a thing You know.

[694] Well, he's a really good director.

[695] I mean, he writes and directs a new movie every year.

[696] Have you ever seen how he does everything, too?

[697] He does it all with a typewriter.

[698] No way.

[699] Oh, yeah.

[700] There's a video.

[701] See if you can pull it up, Jamie.

[702] It's a fascinating video.

[703] Woody Allen explaining his writing process.

[704] He's got a video.

[705] He's got a typewriter.

[706] And then when he does changes, when he does any sort of a change to one of his scripts, he cuts a piece of paper out and fucking tapes it down over the other place.

[707] I mean, him and West Anderson definitely.

[708] my favorite director.

[709] Yeah, Woody Allen and his typewriter.

[710] It's kind of fucking weird, man. I mean, I think this is one of the ways he avoids the internet.

[711] Look this.

[712] Right, to stay sane.

[713] The house is always full of clarinet reeds every place.

[714] I brought this in those 16.

[715] It still works like a tank, and it's a German typewriter, and it's an Olympia Portable.

[716] I've had it my whole life.

[717] It cost me $40, I think.

[718] The guy told me it would be around long after my death.

[719] And I've typed everything that I've ever, I've written every script, every New Yorker piece, everything I've ever done on this typewriter.

[720] It used to have a metal piece on top covering this, which I lost 30 years ago.

[721] One advantage, obviously, to a word processor is you can electronically cut and paste.

[722] What do you do when you have to cut and paste?

[723] If I'm typing something, I have my scissors here.

[724] And I have a lot of these things, these little stapling machines.

[725] So if I'm typing something, I type the part that looks like this.

[726] You know, nobody can really type my stuff.

[727] It looks terrible on the page.

[728] So I have to type it because I have arrows and all kinds of things.

[729] But when I come to a nice part, then I cut that part off and staple it on to this.

[730] something else with this I was very primitive I know but it works very well this dude is sewing screenplays you know I mean so so there's no problem how bizarre you I fucking love that I love this dude like he's just so I maybe people you can't forgive any of that shit it's really yeah really fucked up I think people just aren't shocked by it because you he's such an idiosyncratic like yeah we're dude.

[731] Nothing with him surprise anybody.

[732] Yeah.

[733] Well, have you ever seen his old stand -up?

[734] I have a record of his, like an old, old record of his, and, I mean, it's pretty good.

[735] I mean, it's like weird stories.

[736] Well, he's a fucking pervert, man. He was always a pervert.

[737] There's some stand -up of his.

[738] You know that stand -up black and white?

[739] He's near a staircase.

[740] It's from old...

[741] Just look like rare Woody Allen stand -up.

[742] Well, all this work is about sex and psychology.

[743] All of it.

[744] Banana, sleep.

[745] Younger women, that's like a theme.

[746] Well, he's a pervert, man. Just like it's a rare old piece.

[747] That's it.

[748] That's it.

[749] 65 rare.

[750] It's hilarious.

[751] Listen to him to him.

[752] A museum of art, which is this fabulous museum of art. And when I was younger, I used to hang out a lot of the museum in search of a meaningful social relationship.

[753] They used to look for girls at the museum.

[754] And I saw on the wall once on.

[755] nude by Rubens, but a real succulent nude, a naked huntress stabbing to death a warthog.

[756] And I got very emotionally involved with the painting, you know.

[757] Two gods had to restrain me. I tried to lick some of the oil off the canvas.

[758] He's a creeper.

[759] At that time, where is it that I could meet the kind of girl that would pose for that type picture?

[760] And in my neighborhood there's an art supply shop that deals in offbeat things.

[761] And I run down there and I get the name of an artist model off the wall.

[762] And I call her up.

[763] And I came on very strong like an artist.

[764] You know, I used a lot of very artistic terms like brush, I said, and easel.

[765] I was just adorable.

[766] And we agreed on a price, you know, and hung up.

[767] And I got all dressed up in my smock and beret, you know, and little Harvey's Bristol cream on the head.

[768] hair.

[769] I'm too much when I want to be.

[770] And I waited there.

[771] Now a later there is a knock on my door and standing there is this fabulous woman, but really sensational.

[772] Now let her in quickly, you know, and I lock the door with my police lock immediately.

[773] And I said to her take off your clothes right away because I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.

[774] I don't know.

[775] So he was, he was always a creeper, man. A glimpse, yeah, yeah.

[776] He's always a creeper.

[777] I mean, which is good and bad, you know.

[778] Yeah, yeah.

[779] It's like that Cosby Spanish Fly bit, you know, I mean, like that was telling.

[780] Yeah, the Cosby Spanish Fly bit was dark.

[781] Yeah, that's dark.

[782] Yeah, especially not.

[783] Yeah.

[784] Yeah, he talked about that on more than one occasion, too.

[785] Oh, did he?

[786] Yeah, there was another thing.

[787] He talked about Spanish Fly in an interview.

[788] He was doing an interview with someone.

[789] He talked about Spanish Fly.

[790] In a casual interview?

[791] Like a panel, like doing a panel.

[792] on a talk show, and he talked about Spanish Fly.

[793] Oh, man. That was just like a part of his daily life.

[794] Yeah, I mean, I wonder what the fuck that was.

[795] You know, we're never going to hear it from his mouth, which is too bad.

[796] Because, I mean, it's almost like, you ever see that documentary Iceman portrait of a serial killer?

[797] No, no, no. It's on Netflix, though.

[798] I know what you're talking about.

[799] It's an HBO documentary where they sat down with this guy who was a notorious hitman, killed a bunch of people.

[800] and they sat down with him and talked to him about how it started, who's the first person he killed, what was his methods, the whole thing.

[801] And you hear the guy talk and you hear his mentality and you understand where he was coming from.

[802] And he's like, whoa.

[803] Like you just have a glimpse into the eyes of a monster and you kind of understand how it went down.

[804] Because we don't often get a chance to hear interviews from serial killers or hitman or whatever.

[805] But to have Cosby sit down, if he ever did come clean, like maybe if they ever did arrest him, and he came clean and he started talking about what he did or why he did it or you know he couldn't help himself or what was the impulse I mean I can't imagine because I don't think like that but it's just like maybe I don't know maybe some people think they're entitled to shit that's where it might be right that's my guess is that either you have an impulse you can't control but then it's like how can you have so much control in the rest of your life then I start to think like you have self -control so it can't be an impulse thing it has to be that you feel you've justified this in your mind and you feel entitled to this well he has always been a guy that's been known as being very arrogant and a guy who is my manager met him and he had a very very poor opinion of him he's had a meeting him he like treats everybody like he's a king and like you're supposed to have like a certain behavior towards him you ever see the he's shit on a lot of younger black comics too yeah all of them all of them everyone that's dirty Chris rock Eddie Murphy, that famous bit that Eddie Murphy did in Eddie Murphy Raw, where he talked about he had to call up Richard Pryor because Bill Cosby saw his stand -up and called him up and chastised him.

[806] And he called up Richard Pryor to ask him for advice.

[807] And Bill Cosby goes, do the people laugh?

[808] Did you get paid?

[809] We'll tell Bill to have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

[810] It's a famous, famous quote.

[811] Dude, Friar.

[812] And Pryor is the greatest.

[813] The greatest.

[814] Hands down, the greatest.

[815] I feel like there's two greatest of all time is I say I always say that Sam Kinnison was the greatest for one year for one year I don't think anybody was ever stronger like especially like in that time in 1986 or 1987 but he didn't sustain it he just kept doing coke and fucking his material went way downhill but over long term period of time prior was the greatest and the most influential yeah everything everything that most people would hide he just it was on stage he just said it like that he had nothing to hide you know well he was a unique unique talent man very unique guy And, you know, he also was, like, unique in that he would be real honest about his drug use.

[816] Yeah, yeah.

[817] You know, the drug use thing was very, that was a very big part of his stand -up, you know, especially after he tried to kill himself, you know.

[818] Yeah.

[819] And you never felt like he was telling jokes.

[820] It really just felt like you're just a naturally funny guy talking about deep dark shit.

[821] Yeah.

[822] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[823] It never felt like set up punchline, you know.

[824] Yeah.

[825] Yeah, he was just talking.

[826] You know, even though he knew he was calculated.

[827] in his delivery it was just so comfortable and and it's hard to put it in perspective because back then if you listen to like some cosby or some um richard prior rather from like 1981 or something like that it's hard to put your brain back in 1981 because it was just a different time the world was young it was it was the media had not had the same influence that it has now yeah do you think your show do you ever wonder like man like your show gonna get fucked with because it's censored, and you ever think, like, maybe it would have been a free or show if I did it on Showtime or HBO?

[828] Did you think about doing it?

[829] Yeah, we got offers from other production companies, and, you know, the thing for me was I wanted to fight this battle.

[830] I wanted to take the story to network television and be like, let's take this to Western Michigan.

[831] You know, like, going to cable, that's preaching to the choir.

[832] That's me, you, Randall, my friends.

[833] We all watch Showtime, HBO, Netflix.

[834] Netflix and you know I have the vice show but there's a huge difference in the people we're going to reach with this show and my vice show isn't the vice show the same name uh no they well they they bought the name from vice so yeah yeah I had licensed it to vice and then it got it got sold over but it's cool vice was awesome because ABC needed the name it was the name of the book and for me it was they were they were calling it far east Orlando far east Orlando if If it wasn't such a bad name, I wouldn't have taken the name from the Vice show.

[835] But, you know, Shane and those guys are great, man. Like, they really did me a favor.

[836] They didn't have to do that.

[837] And that's why I fuck with them so heavy.

[838] Shane doesn't give a fuck.

[839] He doesn't give a fuck.

[840] He does the right thing.

[841] Legitimately doesn't give a fuck.

[842] Shane does the right thing all the time.

[843] I love that dude.

[844] Yeah, and, like, I'm very critical of, you know, my experience with 20th and ABC and those things.

[845] But, you know, I would never lie.

[846] Like, I'm not just here to say nice things about vice.

[847] Those dudes always come through.

[848] They always do.

[849] They do the right thing And so we put it on ABC Because I was like We can't go out We can't go out with Far East Orlando Right That name was fucked Far East Orlando What does that even mean?

[850] I was like Just call it a chinks life You know Dreams works Dream works A chinks life Did you grow up in Orlando Is that why they did it?

[851] It takes place in Orlando Yeah Like in the 90s Orlando's a dark Dark fucking place People don't know You know You got Disneyland And then everything That's outside Disneyland, it's very strange.

[852] I took a lot of ecstasy to stay positive.

[853] In Orlando?

[854] But when did you develop the New York accent?

[855] I've always been, I've always talked like this.

[856] Really?

[857] It's super fucking weird.

[858] Is it just into hip -hop?

[859] I think it's hip -hop.

[860] It's watching so much basketball.

[861] And then it's, my parents don't speak English at home.

[862] So my English is learned.

[863] So in a way, I think it's you choose the way you talk, right?

[864] Yeah, yeah.

[865] Yeah.

[866] So it's just, all I did, I just watched gangston movies, listen to hip hop, watch basketball, and it is what it.

[867] I've always sounded like this.

[868] That's interesting.

[869] Even when I was in Orlando, I remember there was a few girls, I was like, you from Brooklyn?

[870] And I was, no. D .C. Orlando, Pittsburgh.

[871] And then I've been in New York, Brooklyn for like 10 years.

[872] So then it just crystallized.

[873] It formed.

[874] How long you allowed to, like, how long do you have to live in a place before?

[875] you accept the accent you know man like if you're from Georgia and then you move to New Jersey and then you start talking like you're from New Jersey and then you go back to Georgia they're going to go what the fuck man but you know even if if you spend a week in Atlanta because in Atlanta you just tossed it's just syser up and alcohol all weekend and you get you get so faded that you I end up saying things a little weird even after a week in Atlanta you get that fucked up and you go to Atlanta I get fucked up in Atlanta I like it, man Shouts to Cooker All right My man Cooker We went out to Follies Last time was awesome So Cizirip That's that shit With codeine in it Yeah Yeah But you know Asap Yams passed Like a week ago Is that what he passed from Nobody knows Who passed what?

[876] There's no cause of death The guy Asap Yams Who's like the architect The whole ASAP mob This rap group from Harlem And he had this crew Called the Blackout Boys And it's like My boy Aeron had a t -shirt Did the logo Blackout Boys And then they had a crew, they got a podcast, but he passed like a week ago, known Sizer, Zanex, dude, and so...

[877] But they haven't, yeah, they haven't said why, right?

[878] Yeah, no, they haven't said why.

[879] Yeah.

[880] But, you know, after it happened, I know a lot of friends of mine were just like, dude, we can't, we gotta chill with this.

[881] We got to chill.

[882] Well, that codeine syrup that's...

[883] I never did it, but I did do some NyQuil.

[884] I've talked about on the podcast before.

[885] I took NyQuil once.

[886] I was really sick, and I got that old NyQuil, this is like in the 1990s.

[887] And it was wonderful.

[888] But, like, NyQuil, like...

[889] The real NyQuil.

[890] Like half a bottle type of thing?

[891] Yeah, there's codeine and some other stuff.

[892] No, I didn't get...

[893] I mean, I took what the dose...

[894] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[895] Oh, you're supposed to take.

[896] Oh, your jelly leg.

[897] Oh, your jelly leg, yeah.

[898] I was just lying in bed, like, the world was giving me a big, beautiful hug.

[899] Yeah.

[900] It's all love.

[901] It's just like, it just felt so good.

[902] I remember, I'll never forget.

[903] I remember thinking, this stuff is wonderful.

[904] Yeah, it's like drinking robitussin in middle school or high school.

[905] Like, I would just drink Robitussin for fun.

[906] Really?

[907] Yeah.

[908] Yeah.

[909] Because when you couldn't get alcohol, me and my boys just drank Robitussin.

[910] So how did it get into the rap community?

[911] Syrup.

[912] What happened?

[913] So Zerop.

[914] I think it was Houston.

[915] Houston and Atlanta, it was Southern.

[916] It was just, you know, Pimsy RIP.

[917] Like Pimsy died too.

[918] But I mean, those dudes, all the rapelot.

[919] Yeah, the Rappelot dudes.

[920] Because it slows your heart rate down.

[921] That's how he died too?

[922] He died from syrup?

[923] He died.

[924] Yeah.

[925] Yams, we don't know.

[926] Yams, nobody has confirmed.

[927] So nobody knows how he passed.

[928] But like, people know.

[929] How old was he?

[930] It's like an epidemic.

[931] Oh man, was he 26?

[932] Yeah, it was like 26, I think.

[933] I'm not sure.

[934] He's a kid, I'm not sure, man. That's fucking young.

[935] That's young to pass.

[936] Yeah, that's why, I mean, I'm going to, I'm not joking about it anymore because it's like, dude, it's pretty dangerous.

[937] It'll creep up on you.

[938] You think it's just cough syrup, but it'll creep up on you.

[939] Wow.

[940] Damn.

[941] That's a thing with the youth today, though.

[942] I know that.

[943] There's a lot of kids that are drinking cough syrup.

[944] Yeah.

[945] I mean, I did it growing up.

[946] Like, not all the time.

[947] maybe like once or twice a year or something like that but i never saw it as that serious but now you start to see people pass it it's serious you know well they're doing it probably every day i'm not sure man i'm not sure it's just not to be fucked with i don't think i also people people in philly like um in harlum still do pancakes and syrup which is you drop the xanax into the codeine and then that's just good night oh my god that's good night wow oh my god yeah we were in boston two weeks ago and there was this dude that was fucked up and he was standing in front of the W. Hotel and he was standing there his pants were like half falling down and he just kept leaning forward like he was gonna face plant well like he's going down he's going down and then he'd catch himself and then he moved forward every time he did it to the point where he was in the middle of the fucking road in the middle of the road just fucked up and then leaning forward and my friend was like he's drunk and I'm like that guy is not drunk Like that is some next level shit That's not drunk Yeah He's on some pills or something Yeah But he kept like leaning forward And then we were like he's going And he face plant And he just catch himself We watched him like five minutes My friend was like rescue him Like you'll rescue him You ain't rescuing that guy You rescue that guy You gotta go back to his childhood Figure out what the fuck made him The way he is You gotta take a time machine Kill his parents You know there's a lot of shit You gotta do to rescue that guy Yeah It'll put the hooks in you man Like, that's why, you know, kids don't do drugs, right?

[948] It's rough, man. It's rough.

[949] You don't need it.

[950] You can just smoke some weed, kids.

[951] Yeah, I don't even really smoke weed that.

[952] I mean, I smoked, like, three nights ago, but I've stopped having weed in the crib.

[953] Like, I'll smoke when I'm out.

[954] Yeah.

[955] Because I noticed, like, I went through some family shit, and I noticed I would get really depressed when I smoked.

[956] Like, it would just make me depressed.

[957] And I was like, this really is a depressant.

[958] So I just smoke socially now.

[959] In one way to make you depressed?

[960] Like when I'm really sad about, like when there's something going on, I feel like I don't have my own self -control if I'm smoking weed.

[961] Like I can control the emotions and block things out, but once I smoke weed, it's just like it'll hit you.

[962] It makes you hyper aware.

[963] Yes, super aware.

[964] Yeah.

[965] You wallow in it.

[966] Yeah.

[967] Sometimes that's not protecting you.

[968] But I always feel like it's the plant is trying to let me know all the real shit that I'm dealing with and all the dangers of all the shit that I'm dealing with.

[969] So it makes, that's like where paranoia comes from.

[970] Yeah.

[971] Like people say weed makes me paranoid.

[972] I'm like, well, you should be fucking paranoid.

[973] If you're paying attention to the, what weed is doing is letting you aware, letting you become aware of all the variables that may be pushing aside or putting blinders on.

[974] Yeah, I think I've just been stressed lately.

[975] A lot of shit going on in my life.

[976] And I was like, whoa, I can't look at all this 24 hours.

[977] I have to be able to just get away from this.

[978] And when I was smoking weed, it was like.

[979] Like, kaboom, you just, I'm marinated in it.

[980] Yeah.

[981] And I was like, I can't, I can't do this, man. Yeah.

[982] So I got it out the house now, just smoking when I'm with friends, you know?

[983] There you go.

[984] That's a smart.

[985] Well, I think like everything, you know, you need moderation.

[986] You can't just be high all day, every day.

[987] You've taken breaks before, too, right?

[988] Oh, yeah, I take weeks.

[989] Yeah.

[990] I'll take weeks off of it.

[991] Yeah.

[992] Like, if go on vacation or whatever, I always take breaks.

[993] I've never gotten anything from smoking it, but, like, I've been, like, eating it on occasion.

[994] Yeah.

[995] I got some shirt right here.

[996] We'll get you something.

[997] I feel totally different.

[998] Eating.

[999] I feel good eating it.

[1000] Yeah.

[1001] But smoking it just doesn't do it.

[1002] Well, I'll explain it because I was explaining it a million times in the podcast.

[1003] People are tired of hearing it.

[1004] When you eat it, it's a totally different drug.

[1005] Yeah.

[1006] When you eat it, it's processed by your liver, and it becomes something called 11 hydroxy metabolite.

[1007] It's four to five times more psychoactive than THC.

[1008] But it's a totally different drug.

[1009] It's way more powerful.

[1010] That's why you can have like one of those little 75 milligram THC candies.

[1011] 15.

[1012] You can have a 15 milligram.

[1013] T .HC.

[1014] If you're Joey Diaz, you go with the 75.

[1015] Those 15 milligram THC candies, it just give you a nice feeling, man. Yeah.

[1016] It just feel good.

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] You're Iron Man with the eating because if I eat, I bug.

[1021] I bug out.

[1022] Yeah.

[1023] I can smoke.

[1024] It's about the volume.

[1025] It's like you just got to get the right guy to sell you the right amount.

[1026] That's what it is.

[1027] The right amount is, I feel like 20 milligrams is good.

[1028] And you get crazy and you start getting into 50 and 75.

[1029] and, you know, I know I know dudes who go deep, like my friend Joey, he goes deep, Joey, Joey will chop two 150s.

[1030] Wow.

[1031] Yeah.

[1032] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he'll have panic attacks and shit on airplanes.

[1033] Yeah, no, see, yeah, I ate an Indica beef jerky and I ate the whole jerky myself was supposed to be dosed between, like, a couple people, and I thought I died.

[1034] I woke up my brother, I thought I died, and I was like, I'm a ghost.

[1035] You gotta take me to the hospital, and he took me to the hospital, And I'm doing jumping jacks in the emergency room, straight jumping jacks.

[1036] And they're like, why are you doing jumping jacks in the ER?

[1037] And I was like, I need to feel alive.

[1038] I need to feel like my heart is beating.

[1039] Yeah, I was like, if I stop, I'm going to die.

[1040] And the doctor rolled up on me, he's like, son, there's nothing I can do for you.

[1041] I go, really?

[1042] Really, I'm doing jumping jacks.

[1043] And he's like, I have one piece of advice.

[1044] And I go, what is it?

[1045] He goes, if you're going to eat weed, don't be such a pussy about it.

[1046] Whoa.

[1047] But it got me sober because I was like.

[1048] This is the doctor.

[1049] Yeah, the doctor woke me out of it because all of a sudden I was like, wait, so you say I'm not going to die?

[1050] He goes, you're not going to die if you stop being a pussy.

[1051] Just stop it.

[1052] Whoa, the doctor said this.

[1053] How old was the doctor?

[1054] Dude, he was like a 40 -year -old white dude, really cool.

[1055] In Houston.

[1056] I did this on the road in Houston.

[1057] Yeah, I don't need to be in Houston in Atlanta.

[1058] I just get in trouble.

[1059] Houston and Atlanta.

[1060] Why Houston and Atlanta?

[1061] You could just get a, I had like a leader of something.

[1062] It was some sort of like vodka, something.

[1063] shitty vodka we rolled up to the smoothie king because you could get the smoothie king drive -thru dump out half your smoothie fill the rest with vodka and cizzerp and then just good night oh yeah there's a place in west palm there's the in the uh improv in west palm was right it was connected to this place i forget the name of it but they used to have these drinks that were like uh it was like like uh like a frosty like what are those things like you know you get them at the the movie theater but you know they're fucking those yeah slushies slushy like a slushy yeah yeah but they were alcohol and there was one called call a cab because if you drank it you need to call a cab yeah it was like five drinks in one drink like five drinks worth of alcohol in one of these fucking things and you would drink it and it you didn't know what you were drinking because it was so sweet like as you were drinking it it didn't feel like out is a slight alcohol taste to it but good lord yeah you about make some fucking poor decisions after you drink that shit yeah and when I was younger you just get up you'd be in another town you're like yo we in Atlanta we you know let's let's wild out and it was like twice a year I would just be like on my lights out dance shit right but you know it's time to do the lights out dance that's what you call black and out yeah the lights out dance remember Sean merriman played for the charges he was doing the crazy like lights out dance and I was like you know I'm about to do the lights out dance but I had to chill man after that I was like I'm too old for this shit man was very very bad for the liver yeah that's the thing that's the You got to get out of here.

[1064] Randall's got to go.

[1065] Want to let him out, man?

[1066] Thanks so much, guys.

[1067] Thanks, Randall.

[1068] Appreciate it, man. Got to pick up my daughter.

[1069] All right, sir.

[1070] I'll talk you, I'll talk you soon.

[1071] Thanks for being on the show.

[1072] Of course.

[1073] And good luck, man. Good luck with the show.

[1074] Good luck with all that North Korea shit too, son.

[1075] No, he's the best dude.

[1076] For real.

[1077] Yeah, I hung out with him before the show.

[1078] He's a good dude.

[1079] Yeah.

[1080] That's a crazy position to be in, man. To play a dictator in a movie that gets, band that Sony is so scared of it they pull it out of the movie theater yeah he's one of you know i have so much respect from because you meet a lot of people who they'll do anything for a role he's like he was trying to like give his role back and be like i don't think i'm the one for this that's amazing i was like i've never seen honor like this from anybody in this industry so i mean he's he's for real yeah that's amazing that he made that decision well it's amazing that the movie freaked him out less than the show.

[1081] You know, one of them was just social pressure or social responsibility and the other one being like a real legitimate threat where Sony's hiring armed guards.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] And it seems like he freaked out about that less than your show.

[1084] It was, for him it was more morals and values and, like, representing.

[1085] He used to be like an Asian studies professor.

[1086] Really?

[1087] Yeah, there's kids, like, I'll put up a photo of him on Instagram and they're like, yo, that's, that's Randall Park.

[1088] He was my professor.

[1089] or am I like graduate assistant or whatever wow yeah that's hilarious yeah well he seems like a very educated measured sort of a dude yeah you know real smart that's a wild wild thing man to be a part of like one of the most controversial movies in all of history I mean if you think about like Hollywood movies probably the most controversial it's right up there with Passion of the Christ do you remember Passion of the Christ yeah that well there was that one and there was the other the other one um before Passion of the Christ willam defoe played he played Jesus in a much more controversial film a long fucking time ago.

[1090] I don't remember that one.

[1091] Do you know what I'm talking about?

[1092] Yeah, I don't remember the name of it, but people were mad as fuck.

[1093] Because I think he had like a sexual relationship with Mary in the movie or something like that.

[1094] The Last Temptation of Christ.

[1095] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1096] People thought it was blasphemous.

[1097] But it's still, the thing about Christians is, man, you can piss them off and they'll fucking angry and you get a few death threats, but, you know, It's not like someone drawing Muhammad, like this Charlie Hebdo thing, like that's the most fucked up of all the religions to pick on.

[1098] You pick on the Muslims and they do dark shit.

[1099] You start to see a pattern though, right?

[1100] It's like people, whether it's France or America, people in like a position of power feel like they're entitled.

[1101] We talked about entitlement.

[1102] They feel entitled like I have to be able to make fun of everybody.

[1103] And sometimes is just, is it worth?

[1104] It's worth it?

[1105] Well, they think that you've got to change the culture.

[1106] I think a lot of people think that it's almost a responsibility to take those risks because at the end of the day, anybody that is angry to the point where they want to kill someone for satire is in the wrong.

[1107] No, it is.

[1108] And you have to protect free speech.

[1109] And the only way to protect free speech, like Sam Harris felt that everyone should have, like, unilaterally across the board, like every magazine, every newspaper should have published all those.

[1110] those images that's the only way they could ever protect free speech how do you feel well i'm not a publisher so i don't i see sam's point but i also see the point of people that don't want to publish it because they don't want to risk their lives for something that they feel like is a story they're reporting on they don't feel like it's uh their responsibility because they didn't create those cartoons but they feel like this is a story they're reporting on they can report on that story without putting them in danger yeah this is not like the first time someone's been killed for making a drawing about Muhammad I mean there's like there was some credible threats against the South Park guys after they did those episodes of South Park where they had Muhammad in like a guy like was in a teddy bear outfit and then they put him inside a truck he was talking from inside a truck and they still were getting like credible threats like people are saying they were going to kill him I absolutely believe in everybody's freedom of speech to say whatever it is you want to say like you have to have to have have that right but you also have to know there's gonna be repercussions you can't expect and you have to calculate it right because it's also do you have to like did we have to make the interview did that movie have to get made I didn't see it so I can't say if I saw it and it was as funny as like Team America I would say yeah you got to love Team America you know I don't even think North Korea's mad about Team America so good right I fucking love Team America but that's why the South Park dudes I love them yeah because they have a purpose and there's something they're really saying.

[1111] And it's like everybody can be in on it in a way.

[1112] The interview is not nuanced like that.

[1113] Randall does a really good job for, I'd say, two -thirds of the movie humanizing Kim Jong -un.

[1114] But then, of course, like, the writing takes a dive and it just is like, okay, here's everything we expected to see in this movie.

[1115] They had to wrap it up probably.

[1116] They wrapped it up Hollywood proper.

[1117] And, you know, it's for people who are in, like, oppressed countries or in oppressed ideology it's why I continue to poke them you know they're going to respond badly you kind of have a responsibility to like people just like don't fucking poke that dog and if you're going to poke that dog you've got to have a real solid legitimate point to what you're doing yeah yeah there has to be a positive social benefit to like what's going on here it's not just to like create a stunt to flex the muscle of freedom of speech yeah there's like deep responsibilities that you have when you tackle any like really super controversial subject this is some deep responsibilities yeah and that's one of one of the deepest right yeah just even me and you i probably have the legal right to say whatever the fuck i want to say but like why would i say that to you i respect you do you know what i mean it's right you know we do it in our daily lives well you could see you know i mean i i can see if they i don't know the charlie ebdo thing is strange because what what was really fascinating to me was not not necessarily I mean, it was horrible, what had happened, it wasn't necessarily surprising, right?

[1118] But what was surprising to me was like super progressive people who were criticizing the magazine saying that this is in response for racist cartoons.

[1119] And they were almost justifying it in the way.

[1120] They were saying they weren't justifying it.

[1121] But by focusing on what they felt was racist cartoons instead of like, so what?

[1122] You know, assassins stormed a magazine and shot people.

[1123] And a grossly store.

[1124] Yeah, you guys are looking for social brownie points by trying to be like the most progressive, sensitive, non -racist people alive.

[1125] Like, it's like, it's, there's only one response.

[1126] The response is you should never kill someone for drawing something.

[1127] Absolutely.

[1128] Absolutely.

[1129] My, you know, I think what the articles is, I fully agree with you.

[1130] There's, there's no justification for any of this radical.

[1131] stuff.

[1132] Do you know what I mean?

[1133] Like, you know, I don't even connect it to Islam.

[1134] I think it's a cover and it has nothing to do with Islam.

[1135] These are just people on their own doing wild, crazy, abhorrent behavior.

[1136] My thing is, as the rational people in the situation, as a rational people in a relationship to these radical movements, it's just why incite it?

[1137] It's not worth it.

[1138] You know, like we have to be better.

[1139] Right.

[1140] But when does it end?

[1141] I mean, I mean, how do you stop that sort of behavior?

[1142] Do you kill everybody who thinks like that?

[1143] What do you do?

[1144] I mean, how do you end - Well, people keep joining ISIS.

[1145] Right.

[1146] And people keep joining Al -Qaeda.

[1147] And, you know, there's a lot of those, you know, Vice, I think, did something called, like, Children of the Drones.

[1148] And talked about how, I think me and Shane talked to you about the last time we were here.

[1149] But it's, it's, you know, people whose families have been killed by drones, they'll sign up.

[1150] Of course.

[1151] They'll go do that.

[1152] And you would, too.

[1153] And I would, too.

[1154] were in that land and your your family got killed by some fucking robot shooting missiles out of the sky and they killed the wrong people, which happens way more often than not.

[1155] Yeah.

[1156] They're way more unsuccessful than they are successful.

[1157] Like, think about it this way, Joe.

[1158] Like, their lives just don't count like our lives matter.

[1159] You know, like this happened in Paris.

[1160] It was terrible.

[1161] There's a terrible tragedy.

[1162] There's no justification for any of this.

[1163] But then it's, you know, what's going on with Boko Haram.

[1164] Those lives aren't worth as much as the ones in Paris, at least in the eyes of the press and in the eyes of the aid.

[1165] Because there's Somalis that were killed and they're black.

[1166] I mean, I think, yeah, those are some of the factors.

[1167] I think there's even more.

[1168] But even with drones, it's like we accept that innocent people get killed.

[1169] If this was in America, I mean, we wouldn't accept this.

[1170] Is it?

[1171] Imagine if cops were using drones, we wouldn't fucking accept that.

[1172] Yeah.

[1173] Yeah, man, it's Nigeria, actually.

[1174] Yeah.

[1175] It's not, I was wrong.

[1176] But the, I don't know, man, it's just, the world today, the climate of the world today, it's so disturbing.

[1177] It's so disturbing that we would think it's okay to engage in a practice where the great majority of the people that get killed by that practice are innocent.

[1178] Yeah.

[1179] Which is what drones are.

[1180] Yeah.

[1181] And also the thing for me is, it's like, I definitely, I definitely fully agree with you that, There's never a reason to kill anyone over a satirical article, picture, whatever.

[1182] But the fact of the matter is, is like, do we want to save lives or do we want to make a statement about free speech?

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] I think it's about saving lives.

[1185] I think it's about doing the right thing and saying, these people feel oppressed.

[1186] We've killed, you know, who knows why they're joining ISIS, who knows why they're joining al -Qaeda.

[1187] But we need to go the extra mile and figure out why they're mad, address these things, and not.

[1188] just like sit on our high horse because they're mad and and they probably have some reason for it and whether it's rational or not let's diffuse it instead of inciting it like that's my opinion is that we're not wrong but like let's solve the problem and the other problem is once you have someone who's child who's the child of someone who is killed by drones or your children were killed by drones and you become you know this sort of a radical fundamentalist it's you can't turn that around like how you there's no eye for an eye there yeah it's just like they they you've created something that almost has to go through generations and generations in order to calm down and there's no way to have any sort of immediate fix and everybody wants an immediate fix you want an immediate fix oh no man this is going to take a hundreds of years imagine even if you weren't killed by drones or you're just a kid in iraq or afghanistan and you've seen your entire neighborhood blown up and you're born into this life you have no choice you have nowhere to go you have no opportunity there's no hope and then the one thing you have is religion these these people writing these cartoons making fun of you like what else do you have yeah we're really kicking people who are who have nothing and when you poke people who have nothing not in a it's not reasonable but bad things are going to happen and that's what fuels the sort of crazy conspiracy theories about the military industrial complex being this sort of perpetual war machine like create enemies like that that's the way to create enemies destroy areas uh kill a million innocent people in iraq that's the the number that i've heard i mean i don't know what the somewhere between several hundred thousand and a million innocent people have died as a direct result of our actions in iraq just that number alone man that's almost ensuring there's going to be some sort of a fucking military conflict over there for a long time and the people that alive today that are involved in selling arms in the military industrial complex they're going to profit off of that action for a long time and what do we have against these people you don't have anything against them don't know anything against them how could you i don't know why we're there like no idea and we're there for false pretenses yeah both places whether it's afghanistan or iraq the idea behind it was a lie especially iraq i mean the idea that you know the one thing is like hey you know we got rid of a dictator yeah we definitely did he's a piece of shit no doubt about it.

[1189] But as a piece of shit, we propped up, we put them in the place in the first place, we helped him out.

[1190] And now what's better?

[1191] What's better?

[1192] Is that better than ISIS?

[1193] I mean, we divided that country.

[1194] You know, we divided that country.

[1195] And then Palestine, all the countries had something to do with that.

[1196] And then we look at Iraq and people, even the cynical ones are like, we're there for oil.

[1197] But look at oil prices now.

[1198] With fracking and natural gas, now the oil prices dropped.

[1199] So now, why are we still fighting people?

[1200] Well, it's still money.

[1201] Even though there's not as much money, there's still a shitload of oil.

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] Like, I'm against fracking, but if it can create Middle East peace, like, maybe I'm for fracking.

[1204] You know what I mean?

[1205] Like, I'm definitely against fracking, but it's just like, we can't win with anything, man. Yeah, that's, people are gross.

[1206] Yeah.

[1207] Yeah.

[1208] In many ways.

[1209] Yeah, and they say the world temperature was the hottest year ever on record since they kept.

[1210] And they said that by 2025, it's going to greenhouse gases, the temperature, the earth will be irreverbalmed.

[1211] reversible and like who knows if that's true but I mean I feel like we should just start to work on it now you know well they could start to work on it now but I think the real issue is once the cycle has been has begun it's almost impossible to turn around it's kind of got to play out I had this guy Randall Carlson on my podcast and he's going to be on again soon and pull that shit up February 2nd he'll be back again and He's a fascinating guy, and he's an expert on cataclysmic events and global warming, he said, is far preferable to global cooling.

[1212] He's like, everybody that's worried about global warming, all the great periods in history as far as advancement, as far as innovation, civilization, they all have followed global warming.

[1213] Global cooling, on the other hand, and these were all natural cycles before we started venting machines and carbon emissions.

[1214] all that shit.

[1215] But the global cooling, he said, ice age is just terrible.

[1216] Yeah, I mean, we could debate this forever, but the thing is, is that this is an artificial warming.

[1217] Well, it's artificially accelerated.

[1218] The cycle has always been, there's a natural cycle that you could track that's always existed of warming and cooling and uncontrollable, like the Ice Age.

[1219] That wasn't caused by man, you know, and the Ice Age, the ending of the Ice Age also wasn't caused by man. They believe it was caused by asteroidal impacts around 12 ,000 years ago.

[1220] this is something that Randall's an expert in.

[1221] I mean, he had these charts and graphs and showed us all these photographic pieces of evidence.

[1222] Does he think global warming's a good thing?

[1223] No, no, he doesn't, well, he, you know, everyone's like, the debate is settled.

[1224] He's like, the debate hasn't even begun.

[1225] Like, it hasn't even begun.

[1226] But he's saying this is not, it's, look, it's definitely not good.

[1227] Pollutants aren't good.

[1228] Particulates are what he's really worried about more than the warming.

[1229] He's worried about what we're doing to the air and places where they're burning coal.

[1230] Look, if you look at China and these cities that are almost unoccupiable.

[1231] Like, you, people can't live there.

[1232] They're walking around with the fucking masks on their face everywhere.

[1233] The sky is perpetually dark gray.

[1234] He said, that's particulates.

[1235] He said, that's what we should really, really be concerned with pollutants, what we're doing to the ocean.

[1236] But he's like, global warming is a bad thing, but it's not nearly as bad as the alternative.

[1237] That's interesting.

[1238] Global cooling is terrifying.

[1239] I got to listen to that one.

[1240] Woo, he scared a fuck out of me. Yeah.

[1241] Well, he also scared the fuck on me because he was explaining all the verifiable instances of asteroid impacts throughout history, verifiable, where the asteroids have hit or comets have hit, things have hit the earth, and just fucked everything sideways.

[1242] And this is what they tie this into these ancient structures that are totally unexplained.

[1243] Like there's some ancient structures from pre 10 ,000 years ago that they didn't even know people could build these kind of things back then.

[1244] They thought that 10 ,000 years ago was like people were hunters and gatherers.

[1245] So they've tried to explain a lot of these structures, especially because they're made out of stone.

[1246] They've tried to explain them by saying, no, they were built, you know, much sooner by, you know, modern people.

[1247] And they just forgot how they built them.

[1248] They were built like 2 ,000 years ago or something like that.

[1249] But they've since they've discovered some structures that they have verified that are 12 ,000, 14 ,000 years old.

[1250] Like there's some stuff in Turkey that they found, this place called Goa Beckley -Tepi.

[1251] they found for sure 12 ,000 years old, huge stone columns with 3D reliefs of animals on them and shit, all really sophisticated stuff for hunters and gatherers at the time that were supposed to be wearing animal skins and thrown pointy sticks at fucking moving creatures, you know.

[1252] So this guy, Randall Carlson, points to all these instances of core samples where they find a stuff called nuclear glass that only exists on nuclear blast test sites and where asteroids hit.

[1253] It's all over Europe and Asia at around 12 ,000 years in the core samples.

[1254] Wow.

[1255] Yeah.

[1256] So there's verifiable evidence.

[1257] And this is not just him.

[1258] There's also all these other geologists that have found these micro diamonds that only exist from massive impact craters, massive impacts, just huge, powerful, you know, events.

[1259] And so they think that somewhere around 12 ,000 years ago, we were just hit.

[1260] You know, and that happens.

[1261] You said, like, it's not whether or not it's going to.

[1262] happen again it's when is it going to happen again and you never know when you never know when and things come behind the sun and we can't even see them until it's too late because the sun the gravity of the sun bends space and time because it's so immense that you literally can't see them when they're headed your way they're headed your way but we we can't view them so there's things that pass near us that we didn't see until it's like oh jesus you know life's really too short fan it's really too short and even if you don't get hit by an asteroid look dude I'm 47.

[1263] I'm halfway dead.

[1264] Looking good, Joe.

[1265] Thank you very much.

[1266] But there's no getting around that.

[1267] Even if you stay looking good.

[1268] I met Cindy Crawford.

[1269] I think she's like 51 or something like that.

[1270] So bad still.

[1271] Yeah.

[1272] Smoking.

[1273] Still bad.

[1274] Whoa.

[1275] You know, some girls, they hit that wall hard, but this bitch has been preparing for that wall.

[1276] Yeah.

[1277] She's got fucking rubber shoes.

[1278] She puts her feet up.

[1279] She's bouncing back.

[1280] I don't know what she's doing.

[1281] But whatever she's doing, she should write books and give seminars.

[1282] Yeah, she broke through that wall.

[1283] She's doing something.

[1284] She's beautiful.

[1285] I mean, not just beautiful for 50.

[1286] She's beautiful.

[1287] Oh, yeah.

[1288] So, you know, but that doesn't matter.

[1289] She's going to die, too.

[1290] They all die.

[1291] Everybody dies.

[1292] So whether you get hit by an asteroid or global cooling or global warming or...

[1293] But the reality of civilization itself might not exist if we get hit.

[1294] That's why all the other shit we're talking about, people are like, they treat it like life and death.

[1295] And it's just like, come on, man. It's perspective.

[1296] Nothing's worth it.

[1297] It's all perspective, I mean, there's life and death for them because their life is dog shit.

[1298] You know what I'm saying?

[1299] If your life is amazing, it's not life and death if somebody draws a cartoon of your fucking leader.

[1300] Yeah.

[1301] But even when I was broke, just selling, dude, and whatever, like, fucking around, like, life was still dope.

[1302] It's mad fun.

[1303] Well, you're a fun dude.

[1304] You got a great personality, which is why you should be some sort of an entertainer in the first place.

[1305] Asian Joe Pesci.

[1306] We make this happen.

[1307] You want to be De Niro?

[1308] You want to be ace?

[1309] No. Come on.

[1310] I'm not interested.

[1311] You don't want to run the Tangiers?

[1312] No, I think I do too much as it is.

[1313] It's too confusing already being a podcaster slash cage fighting commentator slash stand -up comedian.

[1314] That shit is all too confusing.

[1315] Yeah, your UFC, you kill it on UFC, though.

[1316] That shit is great, man. I'm not even a big UFC fan, but just because, like, when it's on at the bar, my friends are watching, it's fucking dope to see you on that shit, man. Oh, thanks, man. I enjoy doing it.

[1317] It's fun.

[1318] Yeah.

[1319] It's crazy how the athletes, the level of athletes, is just fucking through the roof now.

[1320] You're getting these John Jones types characters, Anthony Johnson type characters.

[1321] Did you see high -level athletes now that probably would have been playing other professional sports like baseball or basketball or something like that?

[1322] Now they're fighting in MMA and you're seeing just, woo, you're seeing some high -level shit.

[1323] Gladiator shit.

[1324] Mm -hmm.

[1325] I could never imagine fighting any of those dudes.

[1326] Dude, you just lose your head.

[1327] You got to want to do that and only that.

[1328] Yeah.

[1329] That's got to be what you want to do.

[1330] There's people that, like, David.

[1331] was on the podcast once David Choate He was talking to me about You know He wanted to have an MMA fight I'm like don't do it He's like I just want to do it Just to say I did it I don't you're gonna fight somebody You'll fight someone who lives for it And you can't do that You know you fight some dude And he'll head kick you And you'll be depressed For the rest of your life Yeah Cho's so fucking talented And he really can do 99 % of everything he wants to do But UFC is in that 1 % It's like Cho No matter how talented you're You will get fucked up Well I mean if he dedicated his whole life to it.

[1332] I mean, from the time he was like 15 on.

[1333] Not if Critter's training him.

[1334] Like, Critter fucking broke his rib.

[1335] Like, Critter's idea of being his personal trainer just like kicking him in the stomach.

[1336] And it's like, take it, Dave.

[1337] Did he do that?

[1338] Yeah, man. He kicked him in the stomach?

[1339] Dude, he broke his ribs somehow training him.

[1340] And then I remember I asked Critter, like, what's he doing?

[1341] He's like, oh, I got Dave like running down the street, man. He's just running down the street.

[1342] What the fuck?

[1343] Like, Critter's going to break Joe.

[1344] But it's perfect for Joe, like to have a guy like Chris.

[1345] Yeah.

[1346] No, critters are the best, man. Critters are hilarious.

[1347] All that shit that went down with him, where there were, you know, people were decided.

[1348] There was the same thing that we were talking about earlier.

[1349] The social justice warriors attacked him because of the story that he told on his podcast.

[1350] But if you know, Dave, he's got this flair for entertainment where he exaggerates the truth.

[1351] You know, there's no one coming forward to say that he raped them.

[1352] You know, this is like he's bullshitting.

[1353] Like, it's half bullshitting for fun, for theater, for excitement.

[1354] Dude, these days, these days, man you never know well people are just waiting to get upset instead of actually getting upset they're waiting to get upset and also people have one perspective only they whole like I watched this here's a perfect example I was online today and I was I was following this abortion debate between these two people and it was the most bizarre thing ever where someone was talking about at what at what age does the fetus become a person and that they also argument like watching both sides go back and forth.

[1355] And it wasn't even, this wasn't even like a right wing versus left wing side.

[1356] It was like someone who is like an objective rationalist who was debating someone who's a hardcore left winger who was also like one of these like super white knights defending women, you know.

[1357] And one of the arguments was it was so hilarious that it's a woman's right to choose.

[1358] I have no business saying what a woman should or shouldn't do with her body, which is universally.

[1359] I agree with that as well, but what they were saying was this is where it got really crazy.

[1360] No person has the right to exist in another person's body without permission.

[1361] So what they were saying, the argument was that a baby doesn't have the right to use a woman's body without her permission.

[1362] I was like, this is fucking crazy.

[1363] A baby cannot use a woman's body.

[1364] They were so pro -woman, so pro -right.

[1365] Like, you were talking about, like, nine months in.

[1366] Like, at what point that the real debate was, and this is, I think, is a real debate.

[1367] And this is, again, coming from me, who's pro -choice.

[1368] There's a real debate as to when is that a person.

[1369] And to say that it's not a debate is fucking horseshit.

[1370] To say that it's not a debate that a woman who gives birth tomorrow kills the baby today, and it's her prerogative.

[1371] Like, oh, okay, really?

[1372] Like, at what time is this creepy?

[1373] At what time is this abhorrent behavior when someone has a living being inside their body what's not a living being until it's born well is uh really like come on man there's some you have to have some flexibility to your perception because this is a strange and very unusual situation where you're all you can terminate a life and i mean i think you can terminate a lie i mean the the the image that they were showing was a um a three day old embryo in the head of a pin so we started this conversation which just looks like a few cells but when it's a fucking baby with an umbilical cord and a heartbeat and eyes and its fingers are moving like whoa yeah to pretend that's just that you know no person has the right to use a woman's body without her permission like oh oh really you're you're absolutely right that there is a debate that that is being had constantly at what point something becomes a human being because there are people i mean obviously it's a human being once it comes out yeah it's it's not a black and white issue it's just not it's not it's it's it's very I'm super pro choice though and I just as a man I feel like women need to decide what they want to do with their bodies and you know we run so much in this world that for me I I just don't want to legislate women's bodies like from my perspective even though it's sucked to be in a personal situation if I had a girl and we were having a kid eight months in she doesn't like me anymore doesn't want to have a kid and wants to I mean dude right that would that would be some shit well not only that like does a woman even have a right to tell a woman what she can and can't do for her body obviously a man we don't understand we don't ever get pregnant it's not our concern or it's not it's not up to us to decide i should say but for a woman can a woman tell another woman that she can't have an abortion at nine months i mean like what what where do we draw this line it's also a question too like where like does the government have an ability to legislate imagine if you were dating someone and you guys were having a kid and she was eight months pregnant and just on a whim decided you know what I feel like I don't want this baby to be a tenant in my stomach anymore yeah this baby does not this a person who does not have permission to use my body like whoa that was the way they phrased it that would really test my intellectual and and like reasonableness right that would really yeah put me to the test and that's why when you think about those situations you're like can we even logically vote on this like you can't really have an opinion to vote on this till you're in that situation you kind of like it needs to be well the person who's debating with started insulting him the super left -wing white knight person started insulting him and calling him an idiot which is always when you know that they're falling apart in the debate because he was saying okay well you were saying before that it's not a person and now you're saying no person has the right to use someone's body without their permission so what the fuck is it is it a person is it a person that doesn't have the right to use your body or is it not a person until it's born and then they started insulting them because they do they realize the moral conundrum, the logical conundrum that they're in.

[1374] Yeah.

[1375] You know, it's a fucking real, like, there's no black and white there.

[1376] No. Whether you're a pro -choice or whether you're pro -life, that issue is a, that is a very bizarre issue.

[1377] Yeah, I mean, I'm all about women's rights and the rights over their body.

[1378] That one, that one, I don't have the answer.

[1379] Nor do I want to be part of the decision -making, to be honest.

[1380] Like, I just don't feel like I got the fucking facts for that one, kid.

[1381] I don't think anybody has the facts for that one.

[1382] Yeah.

[1383] Well, that's one of those things about life itself.

[1384] If someone wants to abort a baby at eight months for no real good reason, besides just maybe not wanting to pump it out, like, that's, dude, that's, that's, that's, wow.

[1385] But there's a lot of people that are willing to jump up and defend women and, you know, and, and jump into this, this position of being the sort of, this defender, no matter what, this defender of women's rights.

[1386] Yeah, nothing in the world is absolute, though.

[1387] Yeah.

[1388] You know, like, that's the thing I think people have to believe in.

[1389] And also, yeah, people hold it as like a badge of honor.

[1390] Like, oh, I defend this no matter what.

[1391] Well, it's like, you're looking for social brownie points instead of objectively discussing a very bizarre issue.

[1392] Well, it's a very bizarre issue.

[1393] Abortion's bizarre.

[1394] Like, even you brought up Cho, right?

[1395] I love, we all love Cho.

[1396] And that, that podcast episode with the masseuse rape story, dude, that put me in a tough spot.

[1397] That put me in a tough spot, dude.

[1398] Yeah.

[1399] You know?

[1400] And, like, I, people were calling me and asking me. And they're like, you're an Asian man, too.

[1401] Do you think this is an Asian male angst thing?

[1402] And I was like, you know, number one, this has nothing to do with race.

[1403] What has nothing to do with what part of the country your ancestors came from?

[1404] Yeah.

[1405] That's crazy.

[1406] And I'm just like, but I can't, I mean, he's the homie.

[1407] And so, like, I know who he is and I know his intentions.

[1408] But if I didn't know him, I'd be tight at that.

[1409] Like, that's, if you really did that.

[1410] Like, I never ask him, but I'm like, if you really did, like, in my mind, I'm like, if you did that.

[1411] I don't know if he could be friends, homie.

[1412] You know?

[1413] Well, what exactly did he say?

[1414] He said that he asked her to touch it.

[1415] She started jerking him off.

[1416] And then he grabbed her head.

[1417] And it asked her a suck and she didn't want to.

[1418] And then he grabbed her head and then started mouth fucking her.

[1419] Yeah.

[1420] That's what he said, right?

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] Yeah.

[1423] It's all, it's so bizarre.

[1424] Like, it's so David Cho.

[1425] It's so Cho.

[1426] It's really the line.

[1427] Like, that motherfucker just stands on the line.

[1428] And, you know, you...

[1429] Look, if you're a woman and you heard that, and you'd imagine being this poor woman.

[1430] woman who's a massage therapist who's being probably doesn't speak English yeah taking this millionaire guy's money and you really you know you can't you're shoving your penis in her mouth that's pretty indefensible dude she's already jerking him off I mean what's up that no no no she didn't want to she just doesn't want to lose her job and like you know I've I've been with women where even like I'm so careful with this shit you never know like I'll be dating and grow for a couple years and it's just you know no forcible blow job do you know I mean I just can't I can't it like I but I dated a girl who used to like that that was her thing she's to watch porn where guys were like grabbing the back of a girl's head and forcing the head on it on her yeah and I was like why do you like that I mean if somebody gives me the Asian Joe Pesci rule and I have to force Ginger to suck my dick I'm gonna be morally compromised like I don't do that in my normal life yeah but it's a role but if you're dating a girl and that's her thing she likes you to grab her head I mean it's not involuntary she wants you to do it's discussed beforehand and she signs the papers with my lawyer so that for the next six months i can you know do this and that's what you want sure have you ever seen that louis k joke about that no he he's dating some girl or he hooks up with some girl he starts making out and he tries to have sexler she says no and then he sees the next day and she goes what happened last night and he goes what do you mean she goes well why didn't we have sex he goes well i tried but you didn't want to she goes no i did and he goes well why why did you say no she goes well I was hoping you would just go for it he goes what like you wanted me to rape you on the off chance that you're into that shit no no she that's the that's the shorthy that like fucks everybody not only are you fucking women and women's body image and women's rights but now you're fucking dudes because now you just taught a dude to move like rubbing your elbow into the boobs do you know I mean like now you just now you put a really bad tool in the toolbox yeah it's not it's not a Because the next time Louis C .K. gets the, oh, it means yes.

[1431] Well, it's a great bit.

[1432] It's a great bit because any man who dates more than, you know, X amount of women is going to come across.

[1433] You're going to come across an aberration, a very rare person who has weird, like this girl that used to date who wanted guys to grab her head, force it on her dick.

[1434] Yeah.

[1435] Like, she wanted to blow me, but she wanted me to grab.

[1436] She would, like, I dated her for a while.

[1437] She was her shit.

[1438] That was what she was into.

[1439] Yeah.

[1440] She wanted to, like, get on her knees, and she wanted you to grab the.

[1441] the back of her head and like face fucker i'm so i'm funny i've been in a situation where it's like i want to be choked right or i want to be smacked or whatever and like look in the heat of the moment the customer's always right so so i'll do it right i'm in the service industry but after i'll always i'll always be like yo man like is something wrong like you okay like what the fuck did your dad do to you you know and i'm always kind of just like yo this like you can't like Because I would never want to be punched in the face.

[1442] Yeah.

[1443] But you're a guy, and I think there's also a different, like women, there are women who have legitimate rape fantasies.

[1444] Yeah, it's a social structural thing, though.

[1445] Like if...

[1446] Is it?

[1447] Or is it a...

[1448] I don't think a dude wants to be raped, right?

[1449] Well, there's definitely men who want to be raped.

[1450] No doubt about...

[1451] Yeah, why do you think?

[1452] I have a friend...

[1453] No, not Jamie.

[1454] But I have a friend who likes getting tied up, man. He likes girls to beat him up.

[1455] Oh, that's right.

[1456] No, you're right.

[1457] You're right.

[1458] There are.

[1459] There are.

[1460] He likes being abused.

[1461] They are.

[1462] I'm glad you brought that up because I was about to chalk it up to like, we live in a patriarchal society and we treat them like shit and that must be why they want this.

[1463] But you're right.

[1464] There are there are dudes too.

[1465] Yeah, there's people that encompass every single spot on the spectrum.

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] And there's no, I mean, there's, look, there's men who wish there were women.

[1468] There's women who wish there were men.

[1469] There's men who like to beat women.

[1470] There's women who like to get beat up by women.

[1471] There's like...

[1472] I think the end of the story is basically just like sexually people are.

[1473] fucked.

[1474] And there's no normal.

[1475] There's no normal.

[1476] There's no normal.

[1477] The customer's always right.

[1478] There's a law that they're passing in California called a yes means yes law.

[1479] And the idea is you're supposed to get verbal consent.

[1480] The idea is to curb these college rape issues, which are constantly and a lot of them, they think they think there's one way to mitigate that is to make sure that people communicate.

[1481] Because sometimes things are just happening and women feel awful about it afterwards, but they didn't know how to stop it when it was going on.

[1482] So the idea being that a guy has to say every step of the way, can I take your clothes off, can I put my finger in you, can I, you know, put my dick inside you, can I do this?

[1483] Can I do that?

[1484] And there's like a video that accompanies it called Consent is Sexy.

[1485] And it's hilarious, this weird campaign where you get this hipster looking dude with a goofy fucking beard.

[1486] And he just looks like kind of a bitch.

[1487] And he's with this really hot girl and he's like, can I kiss you?

[1488] Yes.

[1489] And he kisses.

[1490] It's just like ordering toppings on a sandwich.

[1491] Not yet.

[1492] Yes.

[1493] Bronchini, yes, olives.

[1494] Like, that's fucking weird, man. And she asks him, can I touch your leg?

[1495] He's like, yes, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's just get this straight.

[1496] You can do whatever the fuck you want, okay?

[1497] You got the green light, honey.

[1498] You just tell me when I can stick it in.

[1499] We need the fucking easy pass.

[1500] Just like.

[1501] Yeah, we'll put that shit on our forehead.

[1502] It's like a turkey tester.

[1503] See that?

[1504] Boink?

[1505] See that sticking out?

[1506] That's a go.

[1507] Like, that's, yeah, it's just like you're at the casino buffet.

[1508] Just bring your plate.

[1509] Yeah.

[1510] Fucking eat everything.

[1511] Yeah, I'm going to put a fucking a thing over your neck.

[1512] Landyard.

[1513] While you're wearing that, you could do whatever you want.

[1514] Touch me any way you want.

[1515] You got a green light.

[1516] But, you know, like, the girl's saying, can I touch your leg?

[1517] And the guy's like, get the fuck out of here.

[1518] What guys ever said, I didn't give you permission to touch my leg?

[1519] Yes means yes.

[1520] Don't touch my leg.

[1521] And also the asshole in me, like, I would have more fun, like, just fucking with them than actually fucking them.

[1522] Like, if they were like, can I touch your leg, I'd be like, just this area here, you know.

[1523] Only an inch above my knee.

[1524] Don't disrespect my thigh.

[1525] Five inches below my taint, three inches above the knee, you're safe.

[1526] You touch anything else, I'll fucking cut you.

[1527] Well, there was a guy who was debating it, and he was, well, he was arguing with this yes -means -yes thing.

[1528] And he had this really important point.

[1529] He said, there was a moment that happened to me when I was in college.

[1530] He goes, where I met this girl, we were at a bar, and I had a couple drinks.

[1531] We never talked.

[1532] She looked at me, I looked at her, and she raised her eyebrows, and she went like that, like this, come here.

[1533] And the guy walked towards her.

[1534] She put her hand out.

[1535] He grabbed her hand.

[1536] He took her into the woman's bathroom and fucked her in a stall.

[1537] And he said, we never talked.

[1538] He goes, it was one of the greatest nights of my life because I've jerked off like a hundred times since then thinking about it.

[1539] I never talked to her again.

[1540] I never, we didn't become boyfriend and girlfriend.

[1541] I didn't speak to this girl.

[1542] We didn't exchange words.

[1543] It was a loud cop.

[1544] He went into the bathroom with her and they fucked.

[1545] They fucked.

[1546] They didn't even know each other.

[1547] And he's like, this could not happen with this yes means yes shit.

[1548] It was the greatest night of my life.

[1549] Not only that He goes, it was instigated by a girl Like giving me the Camere face You know And grabbing my hand And next thing you know We're in a bathroom And we're having sex You know like that kind of shit Does happen with people And no one got ready Pretty much every girl I mean the thing you try to block it out When you're in a relationship But pretty much every girl you know Is given a bathroom blow job You know I mean Sorry guys All your wives It is what it is It is what it is Girls like boys Boys like girls Some boys like boys.

[1550] Some girls like girls.

[1551] Who gives a fuck?

[1552] It's fine.

[1553] And bathrooms are totally fucking fine places for all to go down.

[1554] Asteroids are common.

[1555] The world is warming.

[1556] Exactly.

[1557] And it's like to legislate this shit is just like, come on, man. It's not the way.

[1558] The way is education more than legislation.

[1559] That's the way.

[1560] But how do you educate a kid that's 18 years old that grew up with douchebag parents and he's got some sort of a sociopathic mindset?

[1561] It's like, how do you educate people out of that besides psyched?

[1562] drugs besides some total reset of the mind with Ibogaine or ayahuasca or DMT or mushrooms without that Yeah, and even that doesn't always work.

[1563] There's people that are fucking complete sociopaths that have done all kinds of psychedelics I know people that are out of their fucking mind egomaniacs yeah that are like purportedly Psychedelic users and I'm like how was that guy a psychedelic use he doesn't check himself at all he's not looking at himself introspectively at all yeah so it doesn't work on everybody man there's no every it's like we were saying the spectrum it's just giant yeah it's giant we are so fucking weird humans are just fucking weird bro we're weird and i almost think like we have to be weird in order to in order for this super organism to exist the way exists and function the way it functions and in order for innovation and culture and society to exist it almost seems like everybody has to play this very weird unique role and some people are pretty obvious and pretty straightforward and cookie cutter and you're like oh i seen one of these before and then other people you meet him you're like whoa this bitch is crazy yeah i i want people to be as weird as they possibly can as long as it doesn't infringe on my ability to be weird myself you know and that's it that's it that's like the basis of the social contract it's like i i want you to be fucking psycho yeah the weird thing is like when someone tries to prevent you from being who you are because whatever you enjoy offends them even if it doesn't hurt anybody yeah or if your desires like require somebody else to be victimized like then that's right yeah well that's that's different but as long as no one's being hurt and everyone is agreeable upon the act like it's like gay marriage or gay sex at all like anybody who's got an issue with people that are fucking each other like what do you care like what is it about you whether it's religion or whether it's a you know social issues what is it about you that gives a fuck what someone does if two chicks want to live with each other and put on rubber strap -ons and plow each other all day why does that freak you out enjoy yeah enjoy you know it's a big world it's not like there's only five people yeah you know you could do it upstairs for me i don't care you know i might care if you're loud you live one of those old apartments that have squeaky floors you i'm i love noise when i'm sleeping do you i need noise yeah i have to like turn the tv on leave the tv on and shit really yeah i don't like i don't like quiet when i sleep wow that's weird yeah like new New York, like, when the garbage truck came or five, like, I was, like, fantastic.

[1564] Really?

[1565] I sleep good.

[1566] Yeah, like noise.

[1567] Where do you live in New York?

[1568] Well, I, my apartment my brother has now is in Fort Green on Adelphi between DeKal and Lafayette.

[1569] Is that in Brooklyn?

[1570] Yeah.

[1571] Yeah, that's my brother lives there now.

[1572] But I don't, I don't live in New York.

[1573] No, none, I live out here now.

[1574] Do you really?

[1575] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1576] How long have you been down here for?

[1577] Seven months.

[1578] We got to hang.

[1579] We got to hang and we've got to do a regular podcast, man. You're hilarious.

[1580] Anytime you do it I love doing this I love you doing it man Yeah So do you like open the window up out here To hear the horns and shit I leave I leave the window But I'm like the border of Malibu Palisades So super it's quiet Yeah I just didn't leave the TV on Oh that's what you do Watch movie fall asleep That's so weird Have you always been like that Yeah you know I think because my mom was always screaming and yelling and fighting with my pops So it's like I went to bed with Connie Corleone and just breaking all the plates every night.

[1581] Wow, that's interesting.

[1582] Yeah.

[1583] Well, people are adaptable as fuck, man. People are adapt.

[1584] Like, some people, like, they cannot deal with the city.

[1585] They come in a city and start freaking out.

[1586] And some people, they freak out when they go to the country.

[1587] They just don't like it.

[1588] No, I'm, like, desensitized.

[1589] I'm totally desist.

[1590] I've seen anything that you could possibly throw, be thrown.

[1591] And just my mom's a maniac, dude.

[1592] That's hilarious.

[1593] They're still together, though?

[1594] Yeah, they're still together.

[1595] They still fight all the time.

[1596] Wow.

[1597] My grandparents fought so hard, dude, that I thought that I would never get married.

[1598] I thought I would never have a relationship.

[1599] My, like, I had issues with relationships based on not just my parents, my mother and father, my actual father.

[1600] I grew up with my stepdad, who was a great guy.

[1601] But my actual dad was a real fucking piece of shit.

[1602] Yeah.

[1603] And he's very violent, abusive, and I saw a lot of domestic abuse.

[1604] Yeah.

[1605] I heard a lot, but I saw some, like, dark shit when I was a little kid.

[1606] And then my grandparents, they didn't physically fight, but they would fucking scream at each other so hardcore that I would never want to be in a relationship.

[1607] I was like, fuck this.

[1608] Just screaming at each other.

[1609] My parents physically fought, and I used to always reach for the phone and call the cops, and both of them would be like, don't do it.

[1610] And I was like, wait, the one thing you guys can agree on is for me to not call the cops.

[1611] And they'd be like, go upstairs, hide your brothers.

[1612] what and I would just like put my brothers under the bed and then close the door and they were younger than me because I was the oldest like what's going on and I had no answers for them man wow I had no answers they were younger than you so you were the one that had to make sense of it all yeah dude was rough oh fuck well my my sister was a year younger than me when my mom and dad had like this physical altercation that made my mom move out of the house yeah my dad smacked the shit of my mother in front of the kitchen and my little little sister ran and hid and I hid and we were we were both freaked out but my sister just shut it out she doesn't even remember it she doesn't talk about it I can't forget it because in my mind it was like okay now I know that my dad is a shithead like I used to think that like he was a hero and he was a great guy and you know everybody wants to think their dad is Superman yeah you know when it was undeniable proof that he wasn't it fucked my head up you know but I only had my little sister she was only a year younger than me it wasn't like I how to explain everything like my youngest brother is good with it he's well adjusted me and my other my middle brother we've never really let it go it's like a part of us and i wish that there was one parent that i could just be like they're the good one and the other one's bad right my mom would like throw hot water at my pops and i'd be like what the fuck is going on and then and then you know he would do his thing he might smack her whatever and then she'd try to punch him and then he'd hit her and I was just like this is WWF in the crib I got a friend who still fights with his wife and his wife threw a fucking screwdriver at him and stuck him in the arm like it stuck out of his arm and he fucked her that night oh he goes that shit turns me on I go what?

[1613] And he goes one time man one time well this is hilarious they were watching a movie together and she fell asleep at the movie so he took his pants down and they were watching 300 he took his pants down and put his asshole like an inch away from her head and he goes and he yelled something she woke up and he farted right in her face that's a new move that's the cornholio oh man that's a new move and she fucking went crazy and she punched him in the mouth she fucking freaky she goes she fucking made me see stars like she cracked me in the jaw and he goes I fucking love it that shit turns me on I go that turns you on no man when I saw this stuff with my parents I was just like I never want to be in a family like this Like, I've always just dated just nice, good people.

[1614] Yeah, that's what I like.

[1615] I like people that are nice.

[1616] Yeah, sweet.

[1617] I don't want no yelling.

[1618] I'm not in any yelling.

[1619] I don't want to yell at my friends.

[1620] I don't want anybody yelling at me. That's the one thing I look for people.

[1621] What do you look for when you hire people?

[1622] Good, trustworthy people, good values.

[1623] That's it.

[1624] You can't teach that.

[1625] People have it or they don't.

[1626] Yeah.

[1627] And avoid people that you can have disputes with.

[1628] Like, maybe it's not them.

[1629] Maybe it's how you get along with them that makes them the way they but whatever the fuck it is just take the path of least resistance yeah it's because the asteroids are fucking coming they're coming Ebola's on the way all the above global warming global cooling yeah this is fun though man yeah I had a great time brother we gotta do with my friend more often I'm around dude I'm around we got to hang and when does your show start February 4th February 4th yeah February 4th yeah February 4th Fresh off the boat Eddie Wong you're a bad motherfucker thank you sir I appreciate and follow him on on Twitter It's Mr. Eddie Wong.

[1630] H -U -A -N -G.

[1631] Mr. Eddie, H -U -A -N -G.

[1632] Much love, my friend.

[1633] He's here.

[1634] We're doing it more often, folks.

[1635] Yep.

[1636] See you soon.

[1637] There's so much fun to come, man.