Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Kayla.
[5] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[6] Hi, guys.
[7] I'm just hiding myself really quickly.
[8] Oh.
[9] You know, you can click the dots and hide your own face on Zoom.
[10] Oh.
[11] Oh.
[12] But we can see you.
[13] We can see you perfectly.
[14] Great.
[15] No, that's ideal.
[16] You just didn't want to see yourself.
[17] Precisely, yeah.
[18] Kayla, you and I have a bit of a history and I think we should come clean.
[19] Recently on a trip to New York, I take trips to New York to do some podcasts, other business, and I was walking on the street with my good friend of many years, one of my oldest friends, Eric Rife.
[20] I think we were near MoMA.
[21] Is that right, Kayla?
[22] Very near MoMA.
[23] You were almost inside the museum.
[24] I tried to go inside, but it was immediately escorted out.
[25] most good museums, they know the scoop and they escort me out immediately.
[26] But Kim and I, you and I had an interaction and we chatted for a little bit and it was interesting because I think maybe the essence of me came out in this interaction.
[27] Is that fair to say?
[28] All the contours of your personality were there.
[29] Okay.
[30] Well, I'm going to take that as a compliment even though it really doesn't.
[31] No, and I remember we chatted for a little bit and one of the things I had to do was an upfront where there's an audience and I actually recounted my interaction with Kayla in front of this audience and it got a big laugh.
[32] And you've talked about this on the regular show as well.
[33] You want to do a brief recap?
[34] Yeah, briefly run into Kayla.
[35] She professes anyway, to be a fan of the podcast, we chat briefly.
[36] And then I thought, usually people would like to commemorate it with a selfie.
[37] And I said, would you like a selfie?
[38] And she said, no, I'm good.
[39] And my friend thought that was really funny.
[40] me less so no I and then I said I don't know I think I I didn't let it go immediately the idea of the selfie and then you didn't I think not well Kayla you were there I think Kayla you were there and why we're here today yeah Taylor's here as though as the witness and you mentioned that this need to please neediness that's in the title of the podcast came out in that moment is that what happened?
[41] Yeah, I wanted to let you go first so that I could give the honest account of what happened, because it was a little different than that.
[42] Oh, all right.
[43] Very similar.
[44] No, I'm an enormous fan.
[45] I love you guys.
[46] I listen every week.
[47] I've been a fan for years, and I was leaving work at this unusually late hour.
[48] I'm normally not there around dinner time.
[49] And I was on the phone with one of my best friends, Olivia, and I was walking out of the staff kind of exit, and I'm in the revolving doors, and I see this person peering in.
[50] And I felt that I was having, like, a fever dream at first because I thought I was, like, I thought that I, like, healed you into existence.
[51] And I got out, and I'm in my head, I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. So I said to my friend, just hold on a second.
[52] And then I turned to you and I just, I wanted to say how much I love your work and the show.
[53] And you were so generous and kind and standing, you know, there to talk to me and everything.
[54] And then you said, so do you want to take a selfie to show your friends?
[55] And I felt at that point like I was already such an imposition having stopped you guys.
[56] You were looking for the modern, which is the restaurant at the museum.
[57] Can I stop you for one second and say when I was peering in?
[58] Yeah.
[59] We were, there's a restaurant in the museum.
[60] or adjacent to the museum or associated with the museum called the modern, right?
[61] Yes.
[62] And so my friend, Eric, said, I think this is the restaurant and I was peering in through the glass.
[63] Now, of course, you just see a tall creep peering in at you as you're trying to exit the building.
[64] I was looking to see as this where the restaurant is.
[65] So I'm clearing that up, first of all.
[66] Gotcha.
[67] It's interesting you left that out, though, when you were first telling the story.
[68] Well, I often peer.
[69] What?
[70] That doesn't make it better.
[71] I'm someone who peers to see what's going on inside.
[72] And I like to peer and I like to furtively look around.
[73] And, you know, but anyway, that's what happened.
[74] So we had a nice chat.
[75] I thought maybe, and then you thought that was too much of imposition on me. Yeah, I don't, I didn't want to impose.
[76] I sort of, I blacked out as soon as I saw you because I, you're literally my hero and I didn't I didn't remember anything that I said in that moment.
[77] So I said, I guess what I said was I'm good and then that's not really my style.
[78] And then your face just totally fell and I felt.
[79] I really wanted a picture with you.
[80] It made me, I felt really sad.
[81] And then I said, why do you want a selfie?
[82] It's so.
[83] And then you said, yeah, I really don't do.
[84] I do.
[85] It's true.
[86] And so then you still didn't take a selfie with it.
[87] Well, actually, I think you blacked out, too, because...
[88] Oh, we did get a selfie.
[89] Yay!
[90] Okay, so here's the crazy part.
[91] You're so happy in that picture.
[92] I am happy because I finally got the selfie.
[93] Your own reimagining of this made you think of it the worst possible scenario.
[94] That's what often happens.
[95] Yeah.
[96] Yeah.
[97] I, um, my inner voice is quite negative.
[98] but we did eventually get the selfie.
[99] But then, Kayla, you're leaving out the real O 'Henry Twist, which is several weeks later.
[100] I'm back in New York to do these other podcasts.
[101] And I hear, oh, hi, Conan.
[102] And it's Kayla.
[103] Oh.
[104] And we're in a different neighborhood.
[105] We're not even in really quite the same area.
[106] Kayla, that's suspicious.
[107] Yeah.
[108] That's a little...
[109] And this time, you were peering at me, to be frank.
[110] How do you answer these charges, Kayla?
[111] You were on my block.
[112] Oh, I know.
[113] Oh, God, Conan.
[114] I don't like being a party to any.
[115] I won't name the venue because I want to preserve both of our, you know, locations, which we probably, you go there, I go there.
[116] It's literally right next door to where I live.
[117] And I was walking by to go home and walk my dog.
[118] And you walked out.
[119] And I was like, again, are you kidding me?
[120] like and I started laughing and then you looked up and I think you were kind of like all right who is this person and you kind of said hello and I said sorry actually we met last week yep and then you said of course and then we sort of started chatting again and then I asked you again for a selfie you want another one no so we anyway yes we started chatting yep well but what I was going to say was what was funny about the first interaction is I was on the phone with my friend and she was on the phone the whole time so when I got on off when I left you guys to go into the restaurant, she was able to tell me line by line what happened.
[121] I'm thinking she had called the police.
[122] No, and it required zero explanation because you have the most recognizable voice.
[123] And so she said that was the most extraordinary interaction I've ever accidentally overheard.
[124] That was funny.
[125] But, you know, because then we were chatting, and that's the second time we ran into each other.
[126] And I said, okay, now we have to have Kayla on the podcast.
[127] this will clear up.
[128] And she refused.
[129] And she refused.
[130] No, I'm good.
[131] But I know where she lives.
[132] Yeah.
[133] So this is just all a happening.
[134] It was all just a happening.
[135] Yeah.
[136] I was very happy.
[137] I mean, clearly I love our fans.
[138] I have great respect for our fans.
[139] Yeah.
[140] When you meet these very smart, cool people who like the podcast, I'm a happy, happy guy.
[141] So, you know, I, That's it.
[142] How much did it?
[143] It clearly bothered you, though, that she said no, I think I'm good when you offered her herself.
[144] I didn't let it go.
[145] Clearly.
[146] I mean, yeah.
[147] I promised her a spot on this podcast.
[148] That's what we haven't heard is there was a negotiation.
[149] Yeah.
[150] She's also getting $400 ,000, which I have to wire into a Swiss account.
[151] You heard it here, listeners.
[152] You can extort Conan for money.
[153] Like just refusing a podcast.
[154] No, refusing one.
[155] Withhold the selfie.
[156] And then.
[157] and demand cash.
[158] So, yeah, I think I'm going to just keep running into you then.
[159] That just feels like what's going to keep happening.
[160] Yeah, I checked my bag after our second run in to see if you dropped an air tag in there.
[161] Well, they make them, they're pretty small now.
[162] It looks like a hair clip.
[163] You know, you drop in like one of those bank robber ink bombs.
[164] Oh, that explode?
[165] No, I would not do that.
[166] I would never do that to Kayla.
[167] Kayla, what kind of dog do you have?
[168] I have an Italian Greyhound.
[169] I adopted her during the pandemic.
[170] Oh, wow.
[171] Is that a fairly large dog?
[172] I would think it is.
[173] No, it's very small.
[174] It's the smallest of the greyhounds.
[175] Okay.
[176] Is it like a dog you can carry?
[177] She's asleep right now.
[178] Oh, you can carry this dog.
[179] Yeah, I can carry her.
[180] She kind of like, you know, folds into a little paper crane size and just put her in my bag.
[181] Does she make painful noises?
[182] Do you fold her into a crane?
[183] She, well, she's a very compact dog.
[184] She's wonderful, but she actually, you too have a lot in common.
[185] and I think personality -wise.
[186] In what way?
[187] What way am I like this very small dog that can be folded into any shape?
[188] Well, I mean, the phenotype, you both have this very athletic, long -legged, barrel -chested, purebred appearance.
[189] Barrel chested.
[190] Yeah, check me. Thank you very much, Kayla.
[191] Cracker barrel chested.
[192] No, no. In real life, I take good care of the physique.
[193] Extremely athletic.
[194] I'm sorry.
[195] Let her go.
[196] Let her talk.
[197] Hey, I'm sorry.
[198] Yeah, what else?
[199] We have to interject.
[200] What about my eyes?
[201] We're fact -checking some of this stuff.
[202] And then the personality -wise, you both are, you're the two neediest creatures I've ever.
[203] That checks up.
[204] Now we're on the right page.
[205] Oh, so now Kayla's allowed to expound at will.
[206] Oh, I'm sorry.
[207] You are extremely athletic?
[208] Yes.
[209] What are you talking about?
[210] You ever see me mix it up in a bar fight?
[211] No. I've seen him flail his limbs, like one of those far things.
[212] the car dealer things?
[213] Thank you.
[214] Kayla, the secret is I am athletic when I think it could be funny.
[215] But if there was a game that I was in where I needed to put a ball in a hoop, it wouldn't go well.
[216] Right.
[217] But if it's funny, I can do it.
[218] Okay.
[219] Do you think that's fairly true?
[220] That actually, it's amazing how much athletic ability you have when there's a camera pointed to you and you think you could get some yucks out of it.
[221] Some yucks or some chuckles.
[222] Some churcles.
[223] Or the occasional chortle.
[224] Well, Kayla, We're going to edit this so that there's no mention of my neediness.
[225] Oh.
[226] So there's going to be editing.
[227] But it's going to be on repeat that I'm barrel -chested, athletic.
[228] It's going to be a three -minute.
[229] I'm never going to add a voice that's clearly not yours saying with those smoldering eyes.
[230] Oh, no. With those smoldering eyes.
[231] We use very fake.
[232] And a winning personality.
[233] Also, your personality was a winning.
[234] Bring him home tomorrow.
[235] Kayla, you're a very cool person.
[236] You really are.
[237] Cool and cool.
[238] What's that?
[239] Cool and cool.
[240] Cool and cool.
[241] Yeah.
[242] What did I say?
[243] You're a cool and cool person.
[244] You are.
[245] Was that what I said?
[246] You got to come up with another adjective.
[247] Well, I think she's incredible.
[248] I think she's very nice person.
[249] You seem like a really cool, cool person.
[250] Oh, come on.
[251] We just needed another adjective and that's what you come up with.
[252] I'm sorry.
[253] Let's find out some more about Kayla.
[254] Poetry is being written right here.
[255] Kayla, do you have a question for Conan?
[256] Or for anyone here?
[257] Yeah.
[258] Well, do you know anyone in the State Department who can help expedite a passport?
[259] You've come to the right place.
[260] You've come to exactly the right place.
[261] Who are we trying to help?
[262] What country?
[263] Me. The ask is on behalf of myself.
[264] You want to go to another country?
[265] Yeah.
[266] I didn't realize my passport was expiring in August.
[267] And it's really, it's tough.
[268] I know how to do this.
[269] If it happened to me. Yeah, if we're in August, you still have time.
[270] This happened to me in London, two and a half hours before my flight, I lost my passport.
[271] So just say you lost your passport, go straight to the U .S. Embassy, and they'll make an emergency one for you.
[272] But how do you get on the plane?
[273] Because now there's a record of this.
[274] Well, first of all, who's really listening?
[275] You're right.
[276] And second of all, no, but that would work.
[277] I think that would work.
[278] And what are the chances that the person the embassy is going to say, wait a minute, you're Kayla from Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[279] That's not going to happen.
[280] Right.
[281] Where are you going?
[282] No, there's a ton of Kayla's out there.
[283] There's no distinguishable characteristics where they could find me. I know where are you, yeah, where are you going?
[284] Can we come?
[285] Yeah, what country?
[286] I'm going to Japan.
[287] Do you want to come?
[288] Oh, I love Japan.
[289] I love Japan.
[290] I love Japan.
[291] That was where I had my honeymoon.
[292] Really?
[293] Yeah.
[294] It's amazing country.
[295] What part of Japan?
[296] Actually, in all seriousness, I would like to request you, you, when you were talking about our initial meeting on the podcast, you mentioned that you had a courtroom artist do a drawing of the two of us.
[297] And I was wondering if you could follow through on that And actually have a courtroom artist Sure Let's get let's have that, Blake Can we have that taken care of?
[298] Yep, it'll get it done We'll get a courtroom sketch To do a rendering of me asking you If you want a selfie and you saying no Yeah Perfect and I'll have it on my wall At the Museum of Modern Art That's very cool Yeah Well not in the museum Like in her office probably We'll probably hang with the other works of art next to a Warhol soup can.
[299] Okay.
[300] All right.
[301] There's some pictures.
[302] It'll be one of those in the back of her.
[303] Well, those are quite nice.
[304] Yeah, those are nice.
[305] I'd be pleased to hang on Kayla's wall at any time.
[306] I've already peered through the window at Kayla.
[307] I might as well be there 24 -7.
[308] Kayla, your wish shall be granted.
[309] We'll get this online.
[310] And it's just great.
[311] I love, I don't know.
[312] I'm just fascinated by this.
[313] for years my dialogue with people because I was doing a television show was very one -sided and I love this aspect of it where I meet people and we talk and I feel like there's a conversation going on.
[314] I know that sounds a little pat, but it's true.
[315] I find it kind of fascinating and I get to meet.
[316] Well, you're so, you're so kind.
[317] I mean, it's, it was amazing meeting you.
[318] You were so generous with your time and I, like, I've been a fan since I was a kid and like to the point where my, you are like the only public figure I genuinely care about to the extent where I would stop you to say something.
[319] Oh my God.
[320] Oh.
[321] I even like I get out much because there's a lot of great celebrities out there.
[322] There's a lot of really cool ones.
[323] But I see and I see in New York when you're out, you see tons of people who are recognizable.
[324] Like I saw your your friend Tim Oliphant at the opening of a Broadway show and I was sitting with my aunt who works in the theater business and I, you sort of spot who you know or recognize in the audience and we're naming names.
[325] And then I said, oh, and that's Tim Oliphon.
[326] And she said, who is that?
[327] And I just go, it's Conan O 'Brien's friend.
[328] You got to play that for him.
[329] That'll kill Tim O 'Lofan.
[330] Such a terrific actor, successful movies, television.
[331] But no, he's Conan's friend.
[332] Oh, man. Yeah, I just wiped that whole IMDB page off the record.
[333] Nice.
[334] Well, Kayla, now you're my friend.
[335] We're friends now, okay?
[336] This is just, right?
[337] Did you know this, that she was a big fan of yours?
[338] I didn't really know.
[339] Because you came in feeling a little dejected, and she's clearly a really big fan of yours.
[340] I don't think I was dejected.
[341] I knew that I thought Kayla was a really cool, smart person.
[342] She says phenotype, which none of you have ever dropped that word before.
[343] I think that's awesome.
[344] I don't even know what it is.
[345] I was in a band called the phenotypes.
[346] And I was so, I don't know, I was, I was, I was just, she's a very impressive person and I'm, I'm very happy that it turns out that she likes whatever bullshit we're selling here.
[347] Right.
[348] But it also, it probably hurt your feelings a little that she didn't take a picture with you.
[349] And now, I know, because I just want to remind you that you asked her and she said, no. So I just want to remind you that that happened.
[350] She kindly demurred.
[351] She didn't say no. She kindly.
[352] What is a phenotype?
[353] that's not for you to know also it's not a good bad name no okay yeah Kayla it's so much better when it's just the two of us talking not these two chattering not according to Kayla Kayla seriously I look forward to our next encounter I know it's happening again it's just going to keep happening and happening this is groundhog day for you sounds like a threat I know it's peering in through the window again you're going to run into me over and over and over Why was Conan peering in my sixth floor window?
[354] I was trying to find the restaurant on the sixth floor?
[355] So for the wayfinding at the museum, a hot tip the next time you go there, the entrance to the restaurant is the one that has a menu next to it.
[356] Also the one that has a door.
[357] Okay, all right, okay.
[358] So menu and door, got it.
[359] I'm writing this down.
[360] I don't get to New York much.
[361] menu and door means possible restaurant, just big window.
[362] And the one that I was leaving was the one marked staff.
[363] Yeah.
[364] Wow.
[365] Okay, Kayla, you destroyed me. Well done.
[366] Well played.
[367] Thank you very much and be well.
[368] I hope you have a good summer and get that passport, okay?
[369] I will.
[370] I will.
[371] And maybe next time we can make a real plan to run to each other and go look at some art together.
[372] Oh, yeah.
[373] Check out some phenotypes.
[374] Oh, Matt.
[375] I'll explain to him later.
[376] All right.
[377] Take care, Kayla.
[378] Bye.
[379] Thank you guys so much.
[380] Bye.
[381] Bye.
[382] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[383] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[384] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[385] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[386] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[387] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[388] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[389] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[390] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[391] This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.