Synced: Bubbles

[0] Do you have no underwear?

[1] Are we recording?

[2] No, I'm wearing underwear.

[3] Okay.

[4] Are we recording?

[5] Yes.

[6] Okay.

[7] We are now.

[8] Keep it in.

[9] Monica's wearing underwear.

[10] Are you?

[11] I'm wearing shorts but no underwear.

[12] Oh, wow.

[13] What an interesting choice.

[14] That's what I do a lot, actually.

[15] I had a theory.

[16] Shocker.

[17] What's your theory?

[18] Okay, so I was sleeping in someone's house who was the male gender.

[19] Uh -huh.

[20] And I got my period, and I was wearing period underwear, and we went for a hike, and then we swam in the waterfall.

[21] So my period underwear was full of water.

[22] Whoa.

[23] Hold on.

[24] You have so many pins already, but okay, go on.

[25] And so I had to borrow a pair of male boxers.

[26] While you were on your period?

[27] Well, I postmates tampons, which I hate.

[28] I don't like to wear tampons, but it was an emerge.

[29] Okay.

[30] And see.

[31] I started to talk like you.

[32] Yeah, you are.

[33] So you're see where I'll see.

[34] Yeah.

[35] And so I postmates tampons.

[36] And then I was like, I need to borrow a pair of underwear.

[37] And so I'm wearing these boxers.

[38] and I sleep in them and in the next day I kind of get home and for a few hours I'm like, why am I so comfortable?

[39] And I was like, oh, I'm wearing male underwear.

[40] A lot of women are dealing with a lot of vaginal health problems.

[41] I feel like it's in the air right now.

[42] It's Venus.

[43] Sure.

[44] My mom.

[45] Oh.

[46] Oh, my God.

[47] Tell us.

[48] Does your mom have BV?

[49] What's BB?

[50] B. V. What's bacterial vaginose?

[51] Oh, vaginitis?

[52] Vaginitis.

[53] I don't know what it is.

[54] No, she just had a UTI.

[55] Oh.

[56] And I also.

[57] so thought I was getting a UTI.

[58] I think you can get them.

[59] No, of course you can get it.

[60] No, from women to.

[61] No, I haven't also.

[62] No, first of all.

[63] Because this happens all the time.

[64] First of all, that's not true.

[65] That's so unscientive.

[66] That's so stupid what you just said.

[67] I think women are synced.

[68] I think it's compassion pain.

[69] Like women have so much empathy because it's having me a lot where my sister will get a UTI and then a few days later I'm like, I'm getting a UTI.

[70] I think that's hypochondria more than what you've labeled compassionate.

[71] But listen, also, I haven't been around my mom.

[72] So it's not that she gave anything to me. I just, on my own, felt like, I think I'm getting a UTI, which also was weird because I went to acupuncture for the first time because I'm trying to get my egg quality up.

[73] Again, pins, pins, pins, pins everywhere.

[74] And I told her sometimes I get UTIs.

[75] And then she gave me some pins.

[76] She gave me some pins.

[77] I think for helping with that, and then the next.

[78] day, I was like, I think I'm getting one.

[79] From the pins?

[80] Maybe she gave.

[81] I didn't put them.

[82] She put them.

[83] I feel like maybe she kind of gave me one.

[84] Yeah.

[85] If they were put in a woman that had a UTI previously and then using the same pins, maybe that's - No, no, no, no, no. She didn't reuse her pairs.

[86] Yeah, they don't.

[87] I don't know.

[88] I've never done it.

[89] No, I think they throw them out.

[90] Okay.

[91] Oh, my God.

[92] Oh, my God, I don't know.

[93] Can someone let us know?

[94] No, they throw them out, I think.

[95] Oh, do you know that they do?

[96] They come in these individual paper wrapped.

[97] Okay.

[98] So I think they get thrown out.

[99] Well, it's like the double dipping places with waxing.

[100] No, they aren't.

[101] People would get sued.

[102] I hope people aren't double dipping anymore.

[103] The days of double dipping are definitely over.

[104] This is, but they're hopefully not double dipping the needles.

[105] They're not.

[106] I've never done it.

[107] In a post -COVID world?

[108] Right.

[109] There's no way.

[110] Right.

[111] Anyway, what we think happened is I was starting to get a UTI.

[112] And my dad runs the sim.

[113] Sure.

[114] And so he's like, oh, no. Like, he's very protective of me. I don't want her to be dealing with this.

[115] So he diverted it to my mom, which is kind of rude to my mom.

[116] Yeah, why would he do that?

[117] I mean, he does love me more than he loves my mom.

[118] Sure.

[119] I think that is the order of things.

[120] In a life or death situation, if you were to ask a man, would you want your wife to have a UTI or your daughter?

[121] They should.

[122] Rob, choose.

[123] Rob, what would you say?

[124] My daughter.

[125] Yeah.

[126] There we go.

[127] Wait, you want your daughter to have.

[128] Oh, he said the wrong thing.

[129] I'm Natalie Fisher.

[130] Okay, Natalie Pritchard.

[131] No, because Rob's a rascal.

[132] Yes.

[133] And so he probably wants the daughter to so that he could have sex with Natalie.

[134] I love that.

[135] Because they can't have sex with his wife.

[136] Well, that's where the brain goes.

[137] Whenever anyone says, I have a UTI, I'm like, you haven't a lot of fun times.

[138] Is that what you thought about your mom?

[139] No. No?

[140] Oh.

[141] Maybe you guys were on vacation.

[142] No. First of all, we were on vacation a while ago.

[143] I think the UTI comes quick.

[144] Okay.

[145] Also, ew.

[146] Okay.

[147] Also, yay.

[148] I mean, if they're having a good time in their old age.

[149] Older age.

[150] Older age.

[151] We don't say old age.

[152] We say older age.

[153] That's different.

[154] It's more respectful.

[155] Yeah, we don't want to think about it.

[156] But if it has positive consequences for them.

[157] If that's the reason, I guess, great for everyone.

[158] Okay.

[159] Besides me. My guess is it's not the reason.

[160] And it's also not the reason why I felt like I was starting to get one.

[161] I wasn't having sex.

[162] But I am prone.

[163] You are prone.

[164] You've had bubbles.

[165] We are not talking about the bubbles.

[166] Have you not?

[167] Liz.

[168] Rob's in here.

[169] I couldn't even pee in front of Rob and now you want to talk about the bubbles?

[170] Baby, B. Oh, my God.

[171] Sorry, we can cut.

[172] Oh, my God.

[173] thought you were pretty public about it.

[174] No, I've never talked about that, except to you.

[175] I think vagina bubbles should be talked about.

[176] I've had them.

[177] Well, then you felt like you had them after I had them.

[178] Yes.

[179] Okay, which seems to be a pattern.

[180] You gave me vagina bubbles.

[181] Now, see, the theory is confirmed.

[182] No, the theory is confirmed that you're a hypochondriac.

[183] And for me to say that, who is also a hypochondriac is saying something.

[184] I mean, now that we can, I guess I'll decide if I'm going to cut it.

[185] Okay.

[186] One time I had intercourse.

[187] This is a once upon a time.

[188] Sorry, once upon a time I did have sexual intercourse with a male.

[189] I think that male had an issue.

[190] Now, I don't know what it was.

[191] It wasn't an STD, thank God, or STI.

[192] Why do we have to change it to STI?

[193] I hate that.

[194] I don't know what the difference is.

[195] Because it's sexually transmitted disease versus sexually transmitted infection.

[196] Why?

[197] For people's feelings?

[198] Yeah.

[199] It's like they don't want to have a disease.

[200] They want to have an infection.

[201] infection.

[202] I guess I can't really say because I haven't had one.

[203] Yeah.

[204] Anyway, so I was worried, of course, about STDs.

[205] After one time.

[206] Yeah.

[207] Yeah.

[208] Speaking of hypochitis.

[209] Well, Anne, I was like, I think something is wrong with this person.

[210] Not wrong.

[211] You use the D word.

[212] Dirty.

[213] Not a dirty person.

[214] Right.

[215] But physically not keeping things as a day.

[216] Up to date.

[217] Not really, though.

[218] Okay.

[219] What really?

[220] Yeah.

[221] My real feeling, Jesus.

[222] My real feeling is that I think this person was sick.

[223] Oh, right.

[224] Sorry.

[225] And came over anywhere.

[226] Because you're fucking incredible.

[227] Any man would overcome.

[228] Well, he didn't overcome.

[229] He put his sickness in my vagina.

[230] Right.

[231] Okay, sure.

[232] I mean, yes, that's one way to frame it.

[233] Yeah.

[234] But also, like, you wanted it so bad and wanted Monica Padman so bad.

[235] Oh, that's sweet.

[236] Also, I think men love to have sex.

[237] Yes, that too.

[238] And I wanted to have sex with him.

[239] So it made sense until I felt like I think you're sick and I think you gave my vagina your sickness.

[240] But luckily it wasn't an STD slash STI.

[241] Once I got that confirmation, I was like, well, I'm done looking into this.

[242] But for a while, my body was trying to clean itself for sure with bubbles.

[243] I call them vagina bubbles.

[244] Yes.

[245] I don't have them anymore.

[246] Do you still have yours?

[247] They stopped.

[248] When mine stopped When you stopped talking me about it Mine just happened to fix itself It happened to match up What are vagina bubbles?

[249] Good question It is a good question It's air It's not like a quief though There's no sound No not a fart It's not coming out It's not air coming out It's more inside Okay so this is not on the scanner or anything No No no no no It's like internal bubbles It feels weird And I will say It feels like a bubble that's actually at the precipice of your, is it the urethroth?

[250] What's that?

[251] That's where your pee comes out.

[252] Oh, okay.

[253] Maybe it's not there, but it feels like it's right at the entrance.

[254] Yeah.

[255] I think it is just your body trying to clean itself.

[256] I agree.

[257] And I've learned a lot about discharge lately because I've been doing a lot of research.

[258] And even discharge, like, it can be because, again, your vagina is trying to clean itself.

[259] Like that there's evolved.

[260] I think that's actually the point of it.

[261] It is.

[262] And so, again, you can learn a lot from the cuggler or, like, Like the consistency, there's all kinds of different ways to learn about it.

[263] It can come off as like, oh, this bad thing is happening with my body's wrong, but it's actually your vagina talking to you.

[264] Oh, wow.

[265] And your vagina, like, trying to protect you from these, whatever it is, bacteria or these sicknesses that people give you.

[266] Men give you.

[267] Women can also give.

[268] Of course.

[269] Of course.

[270] Women can give sicknesses.

[271] Not all.

[272] Like it's a man. But, yeah.

[273] Anyway, speaking of.

[274] of men.

[275] I just had a weird experience.

[276] I was leaving my apartment and there was a man there.

[277] He had what kind of looked like plans in his hand, like architectural plans kind of, and he had a vest on like a surveyor.

[278] And he was like, hey, do you live here?

[279] I just stared at him.

[280] I was like, I'm not telling you that.

[281] And why do you feel like you're entitled to know this information from this little young girl?

[282] I'm only 20.

[283] Yes.

[284] Teenage.

[285] Girl, 35 -year -old girl.

[286] Don't ask a woman, a single woman by herself, if she lives in a place.

[287] Yeah.

[288] I just said, uh, and he was like, do you know how many apartments are in here?

[289] And I started to get so mean to him.

[290] I was like, I don't know.

[291] And he was like, you don't.

[292] And I was like, no, I don't.

[293] And I just started to walk away.

[294] But also, he was like kind of a big guy.

[295] Or maybe that's revisionist history.

[296] But in my head, he was a big guy.

[297] And it felt like too much.

[298] Of course.

[299] Even when Uber drivers are like, oh, do you live here?

[300] I'm going home.

[301] I always think that's such a weird question to ask a woman.

[302] I always say, no, that's my boyfriend's place.

[303] That's the code, I think also for men to like stop.

[304] I don't want to discourage men from like going up to women and striking conversations in respectful way, in respectful manner.

[305] Okay, your face is like, you're like.

[306] Because this is not that.

[307] But even when there's a guy, I'm like, oh, I have a boyfriend.

[308] I just say it even though it's not true.

[309] And I should probably be more empowered and not have to use that excuse.

[310] it just immediately the conversation's done when you said that but isn't that shitty of course that's the thing you have to say in order to get someone to back off yes i'm owned by another man yeah you know for you to not try and then he's like oh i respect that yeah i just don't respect you as your own individual person right if there are men listening if they're oh my god um they're definitely not after we've talked about vaginal discharge color they should know they should know most of the time a woman has a uti has weird discharge It's probably you.

[311] It's because it's sex.

[312] Women's organs are on the inside.

[313] So even, again, common STDs, they're worse for women because everything is in there.

[314] Yes, it's so close to all our stuff.

[315] Yeah, UTIs, you do have to be really careful because if you don't get that treated quickly, it will spread to your kidneys and you will die.

[316] You will die.

[317] You heard it here.

[318] Also, the needles, they reuse them.

[319] And you can get UTIs from your friends.

[320] So don't hang around people who have UTIs.

[321] We're doing such a public service.

[322] We were teaching people so many real.

[323] facts.

[324] Science.

[325] This is against my, I'm supposed to be a fact checker in this world.

[326] Oh.

[327] Well, we don't have a fact.

[328] Yeah.

[329] This isn't that.

[330] We need it.

[331] This is separate.

[332] Yeah.

[333] Also, in the history of the world, fact checkers have been men and, like, facts have been determined by men.

[334] It's true.

[335] Everything's determined and affected.

[336] Not everything, but a lot.

[337] And I think that guy was probably not trying to hit on you or be creepy.

[338] But he probably doesn't even understand that women always have to be on the lookout for, like, you know, this kind of.

[339] behavior, which sucks.

[340] Exactly.

[341] He wasn't a predator, I don't think.

[342] But it's just not knowing that that's unacceptable.

[343] And women walk around carrying so much of what's acceptable, what's not acceptable, and we're juggling a million ways of conversation and how to be to appease everyone.

[344] Then this man's just like, do you live here?

[345] It's like, um, maybe you don't ask me that.

[346] My version is like, I'll be 15 minutes into telling him everywhere I've ever lived.

[347] I'd be like, what am I doing right now?

[348] And then I'd go on a tailspin of, I have to change my locks, you know, because this man is a predator.

[349] Like, so I'm proud of you.

[350] I feel like you set a boundary about not revealing to a stranger your address.

[351] Yeah.

[352] And I also kind of felt like he was trying to get the apartment shut down or something because he was asking about how many apartments.

[353] Yeah.

[354] Imagine if he actually was a predator, like to go through and have like a costume and like props.

[355] He went to party city.

[356] Of course I thought that when I was walking in my car.

[357] I was like, I mean, he could easily be in disguise.

[358] Yeah, you never know.

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[379] Okay, but you experienced something crazy.

[380] God.

[381] This is another male thing.

[382] It's really bad.

[383] Tell us what happened.

[384] On Sunday, we were going to meet up in Santa Monica.

[385] And so my roommate and I left to go to the west side.

[386] And so she was returning a carpet.

[387] All the UPSs were closed.

[388] And she was like, there's one UPS drop -off that's in the Walgreens on sunset.

[389] And so we like carry around this carpet.

[390] It's staking out from both sides of the car.

[391] Like, it's so funny.

[392] And she gets to walk her and she's like okay I'm like do you need help she's like no no I've got this and so I'm eating breakfast I'm hanging out with my eggs and then I start hearing some rumble and tussle is that the right expression um rumble and tussle not really but it's the wrong yeah you know what I mean yeah I look and there's a car that's parked and there's like uh my god I'm gonna start crying it was like really traumatic oh yeah it's okay there's this woman and this guy and she's just throwing things out of the car and it's sort of like rags and like clearly do you think they were at a house yes the car's not like a run down car like the car's pretty nice and they're wearing clothes these are definitely two people who have not been given everything in life they were struggling yes and so she's throwing the stuff out and i'm just kind of looking and then they start kind of going at it physically and this woman at one point i'm looking at her and like she's pregnant visibly pregnant like six seven months like a bump pregnant and And she's pushing him, he's pushing her.

[393] So I start kind of standing up.

[394] You're getting out of your car?

[395] Yes.

[396] Because I'm seeing a woman in a situation that could easily become dangerous.

[397] And so it starts escalating.

[398] He punches her.

[399] She's bleeding.

[400] And he's being extremely physically constraining, trying to shove her in the car.

[401] Oh, God.

[402] And I start yelling.

[403] And there's these people kind of like on a balcony staring at the whole scene and they're filming it.

[404] Oh, my God.

[405] But they're not saying anything.

[406] And at this point, there's no one else that's in a car in the parking lot.

[407] And so I just start, like, yelling, like, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.

[408] Like, you have to stop.

[409] And I'm just shouting, like, really loud just to, like, create a scene so that he stops.

[410] And he doesn't.

[411] I'm trying to interact with her.

[412] I'm like, let me help you.

[413] And at this point, there's two cars that come in.

[414] They're two men.

[415] And I'm like, finally, like, these guys are going to help.

[416] They don't.

[417] At this point, I'm closer.

[418] Like, these guys are behind me. and they're not doing anything.

[419] I think one of them is calling 911 or like is on the phone.

[420] And then the security guard, I thought this was a cop because everything was nuts.

[421] But this guy comes out with a gun.

[422] There's two guns, actually.

[423] Maybe one of them was probably a taser actually now looking back.

[424] But he comes out and he starts screaming at them.

[425] And he's responding normally to the situation.

[426] But I see his gun.

[427] Does he have it out?

[428] No, it's not out, but he has his hand on it.

[429] And these people are black.

[430] and he is not.

[431] And so then I start being like, oh my God, what have I done?

[432] Like, now this is going to turn.

[433] Well, meaning like, what do I do now?

[434] You're worried he's about to get shot.

[435] Yes.

[436] And now she is too.

[437] And she's reacting in that way where she's now trying to protect him and saying, no, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.

[438] I want to be in the car.

[439] And so then he shouts at me, go call 911.

[440] And so I then go to my roommate's car and I'm calling 911.

[441] one.

[442] And at this point, they're starting to drive away.

[443] There's a guy driving the car and he's closing the doors.

[444] A different guy?

[445] There was a man driving them, basically.

[446] The security guard is like letting it happen.

[447] These doors are closing one by one.

[448] So I hold the front door open and I'm like, I'm not going to let you leave.

[449] This is staying open.

[450] You're not driving away.

[451] She's not okay.

[452] Then they closed the door.

[453] I am not able to keep it open.

[454] So then I go behind the car.

[455] I know.

[456] But I was just like, they can't leave with her.

[457] He's going to kill her.

[458] There's now a few of us and there's less of them and we all know that this is wrong.

[459] And so again, I'm shouting like, I'm literally not going to move.

[460] You can't drive away.

[461] And then they avoided me and drove away.

[462] Wow.

[463] Everyone was just standing there.

[464] I just fell to the, I was just couldn't, you know, fell to your ground.

[465] This guy was like, let's go come in the car.

[466] Like, do you want to go try and find them?

[467] The security guard?

[468] No, this is like another one of the men.

[469] Oh, God.

[470] And so then all of a sudden, I mean, a. car with a man. No, I know.

[471] It was a lot.

[472] And my roommate is still in Walgreens and has no idea what's happening.

[473] And so I had my phone.

[474] And so I was like, I'm, you know, this, I don't know what I wrote.

[475] I've been abducted, kind of.

[476] Well, I'm like, this woman has been abducted.

[477] And I'm trying to find her.

[478] And then we drove around.

[479] We never located the car.

[480] And then this is the part I want to talk about.

[481] I come back.

[482] The police is there.

[483] And they want to get a witness state.

[484] I say what happened.

[485] It's a woman and it's a man. And the first thing that the man tells me was don't ever do that again.

[486] Like, I understand that you were trying to help, but like I don't want to get to a crime, like a scene and then have two victims instead of one.

[487] I was like, I understand, but like I had to do something.

[488] And he then said, you know, the security guard asked her to get out of the car and she wouldn't basically like saying that she wanted it, like a bloody -nosed pregnant woman who's in a car with a man physically.

[489] restraining her wants to be in that car and wants to be driven away.

[490] I know everyone's doing the best that they can.

[491] But in that situation, it shows how inept we are as a society to deal with domestic violence, how inept police officers are trained to deal with domestic violence, where you would say that to me. And again, you can say the security guard couldn't act.

[492] I understand.

[493] You can't physically pull her out if she says she doesn't want to.

[494] But you're not going to fucking look at me in the eye and tell me that woman wanted to be in that car.

[495] Yeah.

[496] And that I should have understood that.

[497] That's insane.

[498] That is so traumatic.

[499] I'm also am so impressed.

[500] You might not want to take praise for it.

[501] Do not.

[502] But that is incredibly impressive that you did put yourself in a lot of danger.

[503] And most people are not doing that.

[504] They're afraid for themselves.

[505] They put themselves first.

[506] And that's why all these people were just watching because they knew like they could get killed.

[507] You didn't do that, which I think it's so admirable.

[508] And of course, you're my person.

[509] I hear that and I'm thinking what the cop is thinking.

[510] Like, oh my God, don't ever do that again.

[511] Don't ever stand behind a car of a crazy person.

[512] I can't, I'm honestly, I'm so grateful.

[513] And truly, a bit shocked, they didn't just run you over.

[514] They're not in a head space to be listening and rational.

[515] Obviously, they were to some extent.

[516] They went around to think, God.

[517] I think that in my head, it's like, we all should have formed that.

[518] Yes, yes.

[519] It's like, if I go, let's all go.

[520] Then we're encircling them.

[521] Then it's, like, we're all protecting each other.

[522] And that's the failure there, which was like, if this would have been me. Yeah.

[523] Those guys.

[524] They would have never let it happen.

[525] Yeah.

[526] I know.

[527] I don't think anyone is better than anyone else.

[528] I think that we all have lost our sense of collective.

[529] Thinking that someone else is going to handle something and that it's someone else's issue or job.

[530] And I've been in a situation where I haven't acted, by the way, right?

[531] Like so many where I've been like, man, I wish I'd said this or man, I wish I'd done that.

[532] But it's just like realizing like it is up to us.

[533] Like this is our like our society is people.

[534] And that's you and that's me. And like.

[535] But anyway, it's also that Walgreens is a very problematic area where there's a lot.

[536] of people who are struggling.

[537] A lot of the drugstores in L .A., it does seem to be a place of problems.

[538] Because I have been to that wall going.

[539] We went, actually.

[540] And yeah, every time you're walking through the parking lot, it doesn't feel safe.

[541] And then I switched to another pharmacy that then I heard, yes, somebody got shot.

[542] David's friend got punched in the face.

[543] So now I go to a different pharmacy.

[544] I'm just trying out all the pharmacy.

[545] Currently, I go to R &D pharmacy.

[546] If you live in Los Angeles, it's a wonderful pharmacy.

[547] A beautiful woman named Rosalind owns it.

[548] Oh, wow.

[549] We used to have a beef, and now we don't.

[550] What was your beef?

[551] Because she used to work at a different pharmacy that closed.

[552] That was a good one.

[553] And when I was assisting for Kristen, so this was a long time ago, I don't remember the details.

[554] I just remember I couldn't get Kristen's medication.

[555] And it was like really stressing me out because she had to have.

[556] it.

[557] And so I think I took it out on Rosalind, if I'm being, being honest.

[558] It's probably your fault.

[559] No, it was definitely my fault.

[560] But I think she was a little sassy back to me if I was being sassy, which she should be.

[561] Of course she should be.

[562] Okay, got it.

[563] But we're best friends now.

[564] I love her.

[565] Oh, that's great.

[566] I feel like sometimes you need to go through something with someone and then you're close.

[567] Come out on the other side.

[568] Well, my pharmacy is next to that, Walgreens.

[569] It's the CVS and the Target.

[570] The CVS is very good.

[571] And I will say, I don't know her name, but I want to give her a shout out.

[572] She's this incredible woman at the Target who, like, I've, like, had meditations where I, like, send her love.

[573] Like, she has been, because, like, a really compassionate pharmacist or anyone in any profession, like, every job is important.

[574] It is.

[575] Like, you get to express love or not.

[576] You can feel it on the other end.

[577] You really can.

[578] They affect you.

[579] They affect your whole day.

[580] That taco truck right there is great, too.

[581] Oh, yeah.

[582] I always see that, but I'm never gone.

[583] It's good.

[584] Whoa.

[585] And it's open all the time.

[586] Yeah.

[587] Well, I'm really sorry that happened.

[588] to you.

[589] And obviously, I'm sorry that's happening all over the place in this world.

[590] It's so complicated, like you said.

[591] She was protecting her abusers.

[592] And that's when she's most at risk when she's leaving, which, again, the police officer did not seem to.

[593] It feels like that should be a part of training.

[594] And also definitely a security guard doesn't know that.

[595] Like we do expect a lot from people who aren't getting paid enough, trained enough, any of it.

[596] That security guard has definitely seen a lot.

[597] So let's send him some love too.

[598] Yeah.

[599] Well, I'm impressed by you.

[600] I really am.

[601] I'm sure a lot of people are thinking this right now.

[602] Like what would I've done in that situation?

[603] And I'm not as good of a person.

[604] I'm really not.

[605] I don't think it.

[606] It's not that.

[607] I think they don't know what to do.

[608] And I would just say like, draw attention to it.

[609] If it's a neighbor and you're hearing, like, just bang on the door and be like, what are you doing?

[610] You know, we think like, oh, I have to call the cops and I have to like intervene by like confronting the man. And it's like, just draw attention to it.

[611] Are you sure?

[612] Maybe not.

[613] You're right.

[614] Maybe.

[615] And I mean, really, because then I think what happens or my fear is the abuser gets overridden with like shame and guilt.

[616] And then takes it out again on the person.

[617] That's 100 % what I think happened to this woman after they wrote off.

[618] Which is why I was so.

[619] And I agree with you.

[620] I'm not a expert.

[621] Clearly from the very beginning of this episode, million things are not scientifically proven.

[622] But between doing nothing and doing something.

[623] do something.

[624] I think that's an important thing to remind people of.

[625] Or maybe a thing could have been to take the driver's license.

[626] I did that.

[627] And even that, like, that's doing something.

[628] And again, everyone has a part.

[629] Everyone has a role.

[630] I would just love for people not to like overthink the thing that they think that they should do.

[631] Because there's all these studies, right?

[632] Kitty Genovesi, I think is her name.

[633] It's like an academic study from the 1980s for this phenomenon of why crowds don't act.

[634] Like, everyone thinks someone else is going to do something.

[635] And so this woman, Kitty, was screaming and got, and this isn't a study.

[636] This happened.

[637] She got murdered in plain sight in the street.

[638] And all these neighbors had watched and no one did anything.

[639] Thirty -eight bystanders watched passively.

[640] And there's these studies even with people's own safety where there's a group in a room and they start putting smoke under the door.

[641] And if there's one person in the room, they start, they get up and they're like, there's a fire.

[642] If there's more than one person in a room, people don't act.

[643] They take longer to react.

[644] So they, yes.

[645] I mean, I get the psychology.

[646] Part of it is like, it must not be that big of a deal if nobody else is saying anything.

[647] So it's not like that people are bad.

[648] But in order to overcome this, I think we do have to be deliberate.

[649] I just think we do need to maybe do a little research because actually we had someone on Armchair Anonymous who saw a guy pushing a woman in the street or something.

[650] And she was driving and then she turned around.

[651] She found them.

[652] And she was like, hey, you can't do it.

[653] that to her and she said to the woman, like, you're better than that.

[654] You should leave.

[655] She, like, stood up for this woman.

[656] And she was saying, like, nobody else was saying anything or stopping or doing anything.

[657] And then she told some police officers.

[658] She was a waitress and the cops came in that were regulars.

[659] Yes.

[660] And she told them.

[661] And they said, yeah, don't do that again.

[662] Like, don't ever go back and find the people other than, like, maybe getting their license plate or something like that.

[663] Then the cops got a domestic abuse.

[664] call.

[665] They went and the woman said, last week, this woman told me I'm better than this.

[666] And so I'm leaving.

[667] Wow.

[668] Yeah.

[669] It's crazy.

[670] When I look back at this situation, what I wish I would have done is stop trying to get the guy to stop, but look at the woman and connect with the woman, which I tried.

[671] But the 911 call is when I missed all of that interaction where he was like asking her to get out of the car.

[672] Again, let me help you is weird and savory.

[673] But to create a safe.

[674] space for her to know that, like, there's another option.

[675] I'm here, like, to help you with that option.

[676] Because these two dudes in the car, this dude with the gun might shoot your boyfriend or, you know, saying, like, get out of the car.

[677] Like, of course she didn't get out of the car.

[678] And so that, I love that.

[679] That's so powerful.

[680] It is.

[681] And it's hearing stories like that, I think is really important.

[682] But then I wonder how many times it does go the other way when people intervene.

[683] I think we, it's, it's worth us doing some investigation on this and talking about it again.

[684] Regardless, you did an amazing thing, and I am really impressed.

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[707] All right.

[708] Shall we enter some questions?

[709] Yeah.

[710] Let's do it.

[711] Okay, let's see.

[712] This is relevant.

[713] How to cope with all of my friends having children except for me. Oh, my God.

[714] We're just talking about this.

[715] This is from K. Hi, Monica and Liz.

[716] My two best friends are becoming moms.

[717] One became a mom in 2022, and the other is expecting her first baby in a few months.

[718] I'm, of course, so happy for them because they've always wanted to be parents.

[719] But there's a part of me that resents it in parentheses.

[720] Oh, my God, that sounds so bad.

[721] My husband and I have chosen to be child free because we enjoy our freedom and neither one of us have maternal paternal instincts.

[722] What I'm struggling with the most is I feel like their lives and schedules are prioritized over mine just because I don't have kids.

[723] Dinners have to be at 5 p .m. 90 % of conversations are baby related and our get -together's parties are not nearly as fun as they used to be.

[724] We're only in our late 20s, early 30s, and I know people want different things, but I can't help but feel like we're acting like a group of friends in their 60s.

[725] I love these friends dearly and would never abandon them or jeopardize our friendship, but it's hard to adjust to this.

[726] I hope I don't sound like a terrible friend.

[727] Any advice is so appreciated.

[728] Love you too.

[729] You don't sound like a terrible friend.

[730] Do not.

[731] Anyone in this position, including me and including you, I think, and not to speak for you.

[732] 100%.

[733] Experiences and feel this.

[734] I am literally in it as of a couple days ago.

[735] I mean, I have so many friends with kids and stuff, but my closest, closest of all time just had her first baby.

[736] It's so exciting.

[737] What's fascinating is the mix of emotions and the fact that you can feel two extremely different things at the exact same time of just so much pride and happy.

[738] and love and warmth and sadness.

[739] It's all at the same time.

[740] And I think getting comfortable with the idea that those things can all exist.

[741] And it doesn't mean you're a bad friend because you have sadness.

[742] And it doesn't mean you're not aware because you're happy.

[743] It's just human.

[744] Yeah.

[745] Because you are losing something.

[746] I mean, that's the truth.

[747] Yes.

[748] Even if you're being told you're not or your friends are making a lot of efforts in order to preserve those one -on -ones or that kind of.

[749] kind of friendship, like you're right.

[750] And just saying that, I feel like people don't admit it.

[751] Yes, on both sides.

[752] Right?

[753] That we don't have to dance around it or pretend like everything's going to be the same.

[754] It won't.

[755] And that's okay.

[756] You can adjust with the proper expectation that things are going to shift and you will have to have dinner at 5 p .m. And you will have to spend a lot of time talking about that child because that's the phase they're in.

[757] And you just have to be aware it'll change and not wish for something different because you're not going to get something different, at least for 18 years.

[758] Yeah.

[759] I feel like after a while, there's a point where they don't want to talk about their kid.

[760] Yeah, totally.

[761] Where they want to reclaim.

[762] They don't want to, but here's the, I mean, look, it's just the reality that all of a sudden, in one moment, there is a being far more important than your friendship.

[763] there's no getting around it as much as your friend loves you and values the friendship and puts it at its like highest form and level a person's baby is more important than anything it's more it's what we started with at the beginning of this my dad's picking me over his wife I love that we gave him that well it's true it's true though it's true and that is what happens the child becomes the most important it has to it's not like they're making a choice that child is more important than them exactly right you're your dad would pick you over him.

[764] Oh, a million times.

[765] And by the way, like kids is one thing, obviously, that's huge, but a friend getting her dream job or moving to a new city, getting married, right?

[766] Like, it happened to me with my best friend and, like, her moving in with her boyfriend.

[767] We don't even live in the same city.

[768] She lives in Montreal.

[769] And, like, I felt this difference where when I come into town, what I want and how I'm feeling and what I need is not going to be the priority.

[770] It's actually her boyfriend and their living situation and what works for them.

[771] And that was a huge shift.

[772] And I think emotional maturity is being able to feel two things at the same time.

[773] Yeah.

[774] And it's something I'm just learning.

[775] Acknowledging all of those parts will probably make this transition a lot easier.

[776] And it doesn't make you selfish.

[777] This is your life.

[778] You're living your life.

[779] And when things shift around you, it is hard.

[780] Change is really hard.

[781] And especially in the most loving friendships and relationships.

[782] Yeah.

[783] But it doesn't mean they're gone.

[784] But it's going to change.

[785] A practical piece of advice.

[786] maybe, even though this is hard to do, is to invite some other single people or couples that don't have kids into your life.

[787] So if you want to like stay out super late and know that's not an option with your friends with kids, you can still do it with other people.

[788] This phrase sounds problematic because it sounds like you're using them.

[789] But different people can serve different purposes in your life.

[790] And you can't expect one person to be all the things or two people to be all the things.

[791] This can be your friend that you can vent to.

[792] Maybe another friend is not capable of hearing you vent, but it's fun.

[793] That's life.

[794] You can't expect everything from everyone.

[795] And them don't to change, right?

[796] Even again, someone may not even have kids, but becomes, for whatever reason, less available or available in a different way.

[797] And accepting that is a huge part.

[798] And also, even if you've decided you don't want to have kids, I think there's still a part that's like, should I be having kids?

[799] Is this better than what I'm doing?

[800] And it's remembering they probably are envious of you.

[801] Everyone's jealous of each other.

[802] Exactly.

[803] And I think I'm often do this where I'm like, I put everyone on a weird, it's not even a pedestal.

[804] I don't know what that is where you like assume everyone's fine.

[805] And no, like they are struggling with all these different things.

[806] And you're struggling with a bunch of different things.

[807] And no one's life is better or worse, right?

[808] Based on this decision that's so personal, different for every person.

[809] Yeah.

[810] Okay.

[811] Oh, this is interesting.

[812] I want to challenge the old phrase, quote, money doesn't buy happiness.

[813] This is from Meg.

[814] Hi, M &L.

[815] I'm a long -time listener, and I'm so into the good thing you two have going.

[816] I'd love to hear your take, if you're willing, on money.

[817] I don't know why I cringe typing that sentence.

[818] I have this idea in my head that more money will equal more freedom, less stress, and consequently more happiness.

[819] I'm definitely not willing to sell out for a job that I don't enjoy, but I'm in a place where I could put the pedal to the medal and pursue a higher paycheck over the next decade.

[820] For context, I make 90 ,000 right now, and I'd love to make double that one day.

[821] But here's the thing.

[822] When I switch from teaching public school to working in the tech industry, my salary pretty much doubled from 45 to 90.

[823] And yet, for some reason, I feel like I have the same amount of money as before.

[824] I guess I'm just buying nicer shit and getting used to it.

[825] What are your thoughts on this?

[826] Is there a certain range of income that actually feels life changing?

[827] I know there's much more to a happy life than money, but can it help?

[828] And at what cost should I pursue it?

[829] This is an incredible question, Meg.

[830] So good.

[831] I mean, look, the truth is money does buy safety.

[832] There is no getting around it.

[833] But it's the classic thing.

[834] It tapers off.

[835] And the hard thing is I don't think you can tell people the number that makes you safe or not.

[836] Because I also don't know where she lives.

[837] I don't know her living situation.

[838] I don't know any of that.

[839] But when you go from being worried about making rent or paying your bills to not being worried about that anymore, yes, that's a life -changing amount of money.

[840] After that, it does hit a plateau where, yeah, I'm on a porta, just buying stuff.

[841] It feels good for a second.

[842] And then, yes, you get over it.

[843] You want something else.

[844] You need the new shiny thing.

[845] It's a dopamine hit buying stuff.

[846] So both are true in that money's real.

[847] I don't think you should feel guilty for saying you want it and you want to be able to live comfortably.

[848] And also sacrificing your mental health for it is not worth it, is my opinion.

[849] What do you think?

[850] Oh, my God.

[851] I have so many thoughts.

[852] For my graduate program, I ended up doing research and happiness studies.

[853] So I went on deep dive on a lot of stuff around that.

[854] And there is a study.

[855] I would love for you to Google it because it's been 10 years.

[856] But there's a number.

[857] I think it's 150 ,000 or 160.

[858] We've talked about it on this show.

[859] It fluctuates.

[860] though, year to year.

[861] But I think the core takeaway from that study is that, yes, there's a certain level to which money does buy you happiness, but money has diminishing returns.

[862] So to your point, you hit a plateau at a certain amount where more money will not make you as happy as that extra dollar made you happier prior to that point.

[863] In 2010, Daniel Conaman.

[864] Conman, we've had them on.

[865] Yeah, it was 75 ,000.

[866] Yeah, that's definitely changed now.

[867] Right.

[868] That it plateaus there, even if your income increases.

[869] Yes.

[870] So to your point, it's all relative and different.

[871] But I experienced this where I was on salary at Vox.

[872] I wasn't worried about my next paycheck or like how I would afford things.

[873] And being a freelancer, like suddenly this became something I had to think about.

[874] And I thought about it a hundred times a day.

[875] It became all consuming.

[876] Yes.

[877] When you have enough money, you nearly never think about it.

[878] And when you don't have enough money, you think about it all the fucking time.

[879] I think it does buy happiness.

[880] And there was this whole theory of the miserable millionaire versus.

[881] the happy peasant, which also is a theory from like the 2010s.

[882] Again, a lot of these studies, people really loved at the time, but then realized there's flaws in these studies.

[883] We all know super rich people that are very unhappy.

[884] We also know a bunch of people who probably don't have enough, but are extremely happy.

[885] But I think that ultimately, if you were to give that person the money that they needed in order to live their life, they would be exponentially happier.

[886] Well, I know, but that's, I guess, two separate things.

[887] One is you don't have enough to make ends meet to feel like safe and secure.

[888] A question is if you do have enough versus you have so much, I've seen money in excess cause so many problems, so many interpersonal problems, it will amplify whatever is wrong in your life.

[889] Oprah says this about fame and money.

[890] But it also changes relationships.

[891] It does.

[892] If you have a lot of money, we talked about it on a previous episode we were talking about splitting bills and sharing a place and stuff.

[893] It can change the dynamic significantly.

[894] It can.

[895] It does not always, but the chances are much higher.

[896] And it even happens within families.

[897] Of course.

[898] That's supposed to be your safest place.

[899] Oh, no. You would think having money would just be great because then you share it with everyone and everything.

[900] It's not how it works.

[901] People start resenting you.

[902] People expect things from you that they wouldn't normally.

[903] I mean, it does have a negative impact once you hit a certain level.

[904] And I think it's okay to like have a career goal, have a monetary goal.

[905] Also get there and see how you feel.

[906] If you feel like shit, it's worth reevaluating.

[907] Right.

[908] And also the price of money.

[909] There's a cost to making more money.

[910] I think this is what you're talking about in terms of a changing relationships.

[911] I'm doing a documentary right now.

[912] And a part of it is examining sort of the role of wealth and privilege and interviewing kids who come from a lot of privilege, and they will tell you, like, I love them to death.

[913] They did all this for me, but I never saw my parents, right?

[914] And my parents worked all of the time.

[915] Can I give one piece of advice?

[916] Because I come from a sort of immigrant mentality.

[917] It was like we were on the verge of poverty all the time.

[918] We were middle class and we were fine.

[919] But there was nothing ever bought out of excess.

[920] And actually sometimes it was like, can we buy sitploc bags?

[921] No, we have to reuse and rewash the ones that we got for free.

[922] Like that is not commiserate with the comfort level of my parents' salaries.

[923] But I will say that if you want money to also not change you and to her point that she's just now spending more money, so she's working harder potentially, but she's not actually enjoying more money because she's spending it more.

[924] Like one of the biggest core tenants is spend the same way no matter how much money you make.

[925] And this is something I think I have been pretty consistent at, even when I had my cool salary at Vos.

[926] My apartment was a red -stabilized, like, 6 -4 walk -up, like, it was great.

[927] I loved it.

[928] I lived in a one -bedroom in the East Village, but it was nothing fancy.

[929] That was why, actually, I really enjoyed my life because I did enjoy that newfound sense of safety and security of knowing that I had money and knowing that I could spend it.

[930] But I wasn't, like, blowing it off.

[931] So there's that element, which someone told me a while ago was actually my best friend's brother, Cad, who is so good with money.

[932] And that's his rule.

[933] He just always lives according to the same means, even if his salary increased.

[934] And I thought that was like an interesting way to do it.

[935] I definitely don't do that.

[936] Don't do that.

[937] No, I don't.

[938] And I will say even when I worked at Soul Cycle and made $13 an hour, I mean, I had no money.

[939] I did still do stuff.

[940] In some ways, I like, how did I do that?

[941] I don't even know, but I still spent money.

[942] Yeah.

[943] So I guess I've just always spent money.

[944] Yeah.

[945] You're really good at it.

[946] I am.

[947] And I feel that I have to make this caveat every time.

[948] I've never.

[949] spent more than I have ever.

[950] Yes.

[951] Well, that's huge.

[952] I mean, this is interesting what you said, though, because I agree and I don't here in L .A., let's say.

[953] I could just live in my apartment forever, and that would be fine.

[954] But I invested in a home because I think ultimately that's a better financial decision.

[955] But that home is a financial burden.

[956] If I didn't have that, I would feel fine.

[957] And I don't.

[958] And it's because of that piece.

[959] But doesn't that prove the theory?

[960] Yeah, but ultimately, I think that's the right move.

[961] I guess it's like, what does right mean?

[962] In this case, the right move is put money in here so that ultimately you can sell it for more money.

[963] Yes, for sure.

[964] And I think it's so great what you're doing.

[965] But I will say, I never felt richer than when I lived.

[966] This was previous to Vox.

[967] I worked at this media company called Mike.

[968] Breakup, had to find a place on Craigslist at the last minute.

[969] Moved in with this 60 -year -old lady in the East Village and rented.

[970] a room with her nine animals and yeah, I'm allergic.

[971] It was a big leap and I was like, I'm just going to do this for a month.

[972] I did it for nine.

[973] I ended up being very much into that lifestyle of having a six -year -old roommate.

[974] Basically, I became suddenly rich overnight because my rent was $600.

[975] Right.

[976] And so suddenly I was like, I don't have rent.

[977] 600 bucks in New York is nothing.

[978] Yeah.

[979] Half of my stuff was in storage.

[980] I couldn't even fit in the room.

[981] Two people couldn't stand in the room.

[982] I also couldn't shower there because there was like cat litter in the bathroom And stuff like that.

[983] So I would shower at Equinox.

[984] I had this super cool gym membership.

[985] I would get to Equinox.

[986] I'd be like, oh, I don't have gym clothes.

[987] I'll just buy gym clothes.

[988] I'd take Uber's everywhere.

[989] Like I was living up my life because I felt so rich.

[990] It can be relative.

[991] Because you couldn't go home.

[992] I mean, for me, that's like the opposite mentality of what I have.

[993] I'm describing what you would be described.

[994] If you stayed in your apartment forever, which again is totally different.

[995] But that's how I felt where I was like, I'm set.

[996] I make a million dollars.

[997] My salary, because I don't have to pay rent, I only have to pay rent.

[998] I only have.

[999] disposable income.

[1000] And again, I was like 20, you know, nine or whatever.

[1001] Right.

[1002] I mean, maybe that's of an age, maybe.

[1003] I don't think you can sustain not having people over.

[1004] I mean, that is one thing I want to add to this because, you know, she's saying she bought stuff and it kind of feels the same.

[1005] I really do get that.

[1006] But if you buy experiences, it is different.

[1007] Yes.

[1008] You do feel it.

[1009] And those are the things you take with.

[1010] You don't take, I mean, I can't believe I'm saying this, but the row pants is not probably going to be what I'm thinking about.

[1011] I don't know for sure, but it's probably not going to be what I'm thinking about on my deathbed.

[1012] I don't think so.

[1013] But the trips with the people you love and doing that comfortably, when you go on the trips, you can go to dinners.

[1014] Those things, you feel it.

[1015] Yes.

[1016] And that's backed up by data, too, by the way.

[1017] If you want to be happy, spend not on things, but experiences.

[1018] It's not about the row pants.

[1019] It's about who you buy the rope pants with.

[1020] That's right.

[1021] Or who you grab here.

[1022] Which is me. Which is you.

[1023] Which is definitely.

[1024] Many times.

[1025] It's true.

[1026] I think this was interesting because I don't know that we did a good job here.

[1027] We gave our two cents.

[1028] We talked about money.

[1029] I feel like people don't talk about it.

[1030] Like just talking about it feels good to me. It does.

[1031] Because everyone feels uncomfortable about it.

[1032] It does.

[1033] That's why this question's fantastic.

[1034] It's great.

[1035] I love all the questions today.

[1036] Oh my God.

[1037] Our questions have been so good.

[1038] What time are we at?

[1039] We're at 1 .10.

[1040] Wait, don't we have that meeting?

[1041] Oh, but did you get my email?

[1042] I moved it because I have to meet the baby.

[1043] But now the baby might be coming home.

[1044] Oh, my gosh.

[1045] You're going to be auntie.

[1046] I mean, you already are, I guess.

[1047] Do you feel like you're about to unlock a new identity?

[1048] That's a good question.

[1049] I do feel like when I got the picture, I felt really tingly, like really excited to help spoil the baby and be there for the baby.

[1050] I am excited for that piece, but it doesn't feel like a new role for me in general because I do have all these kids in my life.

[1051] So it doesn't feel like, oh, this is the first time I'm going to be around a baby.

[1052] Right.

[1053] But it does feel exciting for there to be a new person I get to love.

[1054] Yeah.

[1055] That's exciting.

[1056] We only did two questions, but they were good.

[1057] So I kind of feel like we're done for the day.

[1058] And those were great.

[1059] God, I'm so impressed by these questions.

[1060] Thank you guys so much.

[1061] If you want to submit, you can go to the armchair expert website, which is armchairexpertpod .com.

[1062] And you can send us a little question.

[1063] Yeah, we love it.

[1064] And the more details, the better.

[1065] We like, deeps.

[1066] And like specific situations.

[1067] It can be like, you're like, this is way too intricate.

[1068] Give it to us.

[1069] We love it.

[1070] Yes.

[1071] We're going to end on me. And you're not going to fight it.

[1072] We're just going to end here because I edit, so I'll just end it.

[1073] Proud of you.

[1074] Oh, God.

[1075] Cutting that.

[1076] Really?

[1077] Really.

[1078] And I know all the listeners are, too, and they probably feel inadequate now.

[1079] No, but that's not what I want.

[1080] I know you don't.

[1081] No. And no one should.

[1082] Everyone on their own path.

[1083] You know, it's, again, it's a psychological phenomenon.

[1084] You're going against something.

[1085] And so it's normal that it's hard.

[1086] Contrary action.

[1087] Something to think about.

[1088] All right.

[1089] Well, I love you.

[1090] I'll see next week.