#236 - Eddie Bravo

[0] The Joe Rogan experience.

[1] Train by day, Joe Rogan, podcast by night, all day.

[2] Brian, I want you to apologize to all the nice people out there in the world.

[3] I'm sorry.

[4] I logged into the wrong U .S. Dream account, and I guess the sound was too hot also.

[5] The sound was too hot?

[6] Yeah.

[7] I had to restart the computer, and every time I restart the computer, it always goes back to all the defaults for some reason.

[8] So, like, the sound is really hot, and my, like, login is saving.

[9] in this e -stream thing so automatically I just hit you know it screws everything up so every time I restart I have to make sure everything is smoking weed before it totally fucks everything up you have to know we do we need a little yellow checky checklist thing for you you can't always I think the weed gets too much blame you know what I mean it gets a bad no it does it does no I mean like when I'm doing stuff like you get stoned and you get and everyone's like all right let's start now let's start now you're like oh okay you know And I'm just fucking dude, dude.

[10] I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to back up weed.

[11] You know what I mean?

[12] Yeah.

[13] It gets a bad rap.

[14] Speaking of weed, we got Tommy Chong is going to come on the podcast on Monday.

[15] That's fucking awesome.

[16] Yeah, that should be very fun.

[17] He apparently is using that Rick, you know that Rick Simpson thing?

[18] Have you heard that cannabis oil?

[19] There's some, like, some oil that you can make with cannabis.

[20] Yeah.

[21] It's supposed to be super, super healthy for people who have cancer.

[22] A good friend of mine came to L .A. He's from the East Coast.

[23] He's got brain tumors in his head, and he's supposed to die in six months.

[24] This was about a year ago.

[25] And he's a hardcore 10th Planet.

[26] He's one of my top soldiers, for sure.

[27] He, man, it's weird.

[28] Because in the position that we're in, we get a lot of people with, you know, there's a lot of people out there that have cancer that are fans as well.

[29] You know what I mean?

[30] And we're dealing with, you know, This is not an uncommon thing to have a student or someone come to me and have cancer.

[31] This happens all the time.

[32] People are like dying and it's crazy.

[33] The spot that we're in and we're like, fuck.

[34] Well, there's a gigantic amount of people in this country.

[35] Yeah, yeah.

[36] You're going to run into some people that are sick.

[37] And it's very humbling.

[38] Well, this guy, he, you know, he started that cannabis oil therapy.

[39] And his last checkup, the tumors stopped.

[40] Not only did they stop growing, did they shrink?

[41] like 40 % and his doctors are like amazed at what's going on and he's on this cannabis oil therapy it's becoming really popular now you go you know there's reports I don't even think it makes you high right no it doesn't right no it doesn't make it all so it's it's not even an issue whether or not it's people are taking this and getting getting high on it that the only way pot gets your high is if you heat it up I guess that's what's been explained to me Like, you can't just eat it.

[42] But when you eat it, if you just eat, like, the leaves, it's really healthy.

[43] They say, like, marijuana, like, the flowers and the leaves are incredibly healthy for you.

[44] Like, really, like, it's a great thing to juice.

[45] Like, people should juice actual marijuana.

[46] That's becoming more popular now, too.

[47] So I have a friend who's, it just, I don't know, his tumors are shrinking, which is crazy.

[48] And doctors are baffled, but he's been on that cannabis therapy.

[49] And it's working.

[50] And it's becoming more and more popular.

[51] And all these studies are coming up.

[52] Well, we're legit scientific studies that have shown that marijuana shrinks tumors.

[53] It seems like every week or every other week, there's this new study that comes out that proves that somehow marijuana can cure some kind of cancer here or some kind of cancer there.

[54] And it's becoming so popular that I don't even retweet all of them.

[55] There's just too many damn studies.

[56] That's true.

[57] You look like an asshole.

[58] I'm like, shit, there's just too many fucking studies.

[59] So I'm only retweeting the juiciest stories.

[60] It's crazy.

[61] There's all this evidence, all this proof that marijuana is this wonder plant.

[62] It's not just an ordinary plant.

[63] It's not just a plant.

[64] It's like an alien.

[65] It's a magical plan.

[66] There's all this proof and people still deny.

[67] And it's still a schedule one drug.

[68] How crazy is that?

[69] Coke and heroin are scheduled two.

[70] Yeah, because they have medicinal use, supposedly.

[71] Yeah, that's the idea.

[72] Yeah, it's completely ridiculous.

[73] How about that video of that one drug?

[74] congressman, grilling that chick.

[75] Yeah, from the DEA.

[76] That chick is brilliant.

[77] She deflected everything beautifully.

[78] All illegal drugs are dangerous.

[79] They're a dopey woman.

[80] All illegal drugs are bad.

[81] Yeah, she was brilliant.

[82] You know, the DA's watching, like, in a dark room, laughing their asses off going, that was brilliant.

[83] You know, she got like a fucking $500 ,000 bonus and shit.

[84] For that, really?

[85] I thought she looked terrible.

[86] She looked brilliant.

[87] Well, nothing's going to happen from it.

[88] They just needed someone to go out there and jibber jabber and just get past it and whatever.

[89] And then they don't give a fuck.

[90] And they got an old lady.

[91] They got an old lady.

[92] So it's easy for a guy if you don't think too deeply about it.

[93] You're like, how could I be against an old lady who's trying to keep us off drugs?

[94] You know what I mean?

[95] An old lady trying to keep us off drugs.

[96] So a lot of people without thinking.

[97] How old was she?

[98] She looks like six.

[99] No, she was like 60.

[100] Was she really?

[101] Yeah, she was old.

[102] They got an old lady up there.

[103] See, all I got out of that was that was that.

[104] joyless i didn't get her age i got just just joyless woman perfect out there working brilliant she's the best old lady come out and just say whatever they're like laughing in the back room because you don't really they don't really they're not really accountable nothing really is going to change that yeah do you think that yeah do you think like they don't know all the truth and shit they know it they're trying to suppress it so how do you suppress it fuck where they go they want to grill someone in the d a i'm not going you go no i'm not going if they fucking make the secretary go out there a promise or a million dollars just say just say just say drugs are bad to say drugs are bad yeah and it worked because it's on video and it's not going to change shit and it was like you know she tried to um you know different addictive properties all drugs are bad um drugs are illegal is marijuana more addictive than heroin um i don't uh they're both illegal and both but what is more more addictive marijuana or heroin which in your opinion is more addictive.

[105] But both have addictive properties.

[106] Both are illegal.

[107] You can only choose A or B. Yes, exactly.

[108] But it's like Jeopardy on Saturday.

[109] But you are an expert on this.

[110] You should know this.

[111] Is marijuana more dangerous than pills than prescription pills?

[112] All drugs are illegal and all drugs.

[113] She was brilliant.

[114] It was perfect.

[115] It's so weird.

[116] It's so represents like if it was a movie and this was like the frustrating point in the movie where people were starting to get all the information, starting to realize that this structure that they've got set up it's it just you don't have to live this way we just live this way because it's been set up for us before we had any information on how things are really going on behind the scenes and then you you see something like this I mean this is this is the thing that would make people rise up if that was really the drug enforcement agency that was really their attitude that's really their take on it that's really a spokesperson for this yeah what are you doing yeah watch that video it's congressman grills d a agent or It's hilarious.

[117] It's talking about like fucking prescription pills.

[118] They're talking about abusive prescription pills.

[119] But you know what they're not talking about?

[120] Stopping those prescription pills from being made.

[121] Someone's always going to get them.

[122] Someone's always going to have a backache.

[123] Someone's always going to have, like you can't stop, you can't stop prescription pills and make prescription pills.

[124] You can't do both.

[125] You know, so you're never going to stop them.

[126] That's horseshit.

[127] So when they say that they're looking to cut down on illegal prescription drugs, like whatever.

[128] What would a, what a, what?

[129] kind of a fucking smoke screen is that how much money is that even how much money is it compared to the legal ones the people who are legally selling the exact same shit but because the doctor says it's cool to take oxycontin every day for the rest of your fucking life you're down and the next thing you know whoa you're a junkie that's legal though that's legal but marijuana you can't grow you can't eat this incredible plant even if you were completely uninterested in getting high If you just said the nutrition of this plant is unquestionable.

[130] If you look at the amino acid profile, if you look at all the nutrients in it, look at the fiber and it, it's an incredible superfood.

[131] It's better than kale.

[132] It's like, but it's so expensive, you could never eat it because it's illegal.

[133] But if it was legal, it'd be cheaper than fucking kale.

[134] That would be a real problem.

[135] I know a bunch of people that lived in Northern California that prosper off of the illegality of it, that were arguing they were going to vote against it if it came on the ballot.

[136] they're like we make more money if it's illegal they were they were ready to go gangster they would rather go gangster and then make a little little extra money than have it like that's like contrary to the whole idea behind weed in the first place money takes precedence yeah it's amazing it's amazing how how strong the pull is in some circumstances over like what would be good for humanity you know man fucking I got an ATV I gotta pay for you know can you imagine that Some assholes growing weed, and he's, like, organizing people to try to stop the initiatives to make it legal.

[137] Fuck, keep it illegal, dude.

[138] Keep it illegal.

[139] Just you and me, bro, work together.

[140] I'll get you the weed.

[141] You give me the cash.

[142] Selfish bitches.

[143] Can you imagine?

[144] How self -hating would you have to be to be a podhead who grows weed, and you vote against it being legal?

[145] Fucking piece of shit.

[146] You fucking dummy.

[147] Yeah.

[148] That's some silly bitches.

[149] Don't see Spider -Man.

[150] I won't see Spider -Man.

[151] We talked about this earlier before we were brought to the wrong channel.

[152] Toby McGuire is a way better Spider -Man's funny.

[153] Yeah.

[154] The new one's not.

[155] It seems cold.

[156] You can't keep rebooting shit, man. No, I think they should reboot it one more time and then just forget that last one.

[157] And just make it.

[158] It's great Toby back and not explain anything.

[159] Yeah.

[160] Well, the coolest part was it's like they use slow motion a lot, kind of like Matrix stuff.

[161] they used it a couple times and it was really beautiful so I think they should slow down the movie make it slow with Toby McGuire doing jokes dude I thought Toby McGuire was awesome with Batman I thought it was perfect or Spider -Man Spider -Man rather I say Batman yeah except for the third one he like was a perfect Peter Parker yeah perfect perfect it's exactly why I imagined when I was reading the comic book where this guy seems like I'm Twilight Spider -Man and I got emotions I get bruised and scratched oh no you bitch and then there was some really cool scenes where they tried to do like like a like if you were the person like you know like a spoiler in right now no no not not at all i'm not giving away any plot this this is like more effects and stuff but there's probably like first person shooter style like where they just failed at it like it's like you know how like in a video game where you see the arms come and you right was it 3d it was 3d i max and it was just like these little hands like here in the corner or something i'm like no it's not you're not doing it right like it so you want it like a full arms.

[162] If they slowed it down, like if you were in first person mood while he's swinging, you know, made it look super cool.

[163] I think that would be way better than than, I don't know.

[164] It's just...

[165] Spider -Man, by the way, is way more badass than an actual spider.

[166] If a spider was the size of Spider -Man, he wouldn't be able to fucking shoot webs that far and explain the things and pull himself around.

[167] They can explain the technology this time behind it.

[168] I don't know if I like that.

[169] And also, they redid the whole Uncle Ben things the whole time you're like you don't have care because you know what's going to happen to him you saw how it was going to happen in the previous thing it's like before it used to be in a comic book you know it wasn't translated in person in a movie and you're going to see it again i had to see it kind of again and they changed it a little yeah that is kind of whack right like once you do that in a movie like you got mary jane wasn't around it kind of freaked me out she wasn't around no mary jane bugged the hell out of me sons of bitches and i don't know man it was it was fun but It kind of bummed me out.

[170] It just didn't feel like Spider -Man at all.

[171] There was no humor in the whole thing.

[172] And Spider -Man as a comic book was humorous.

[173] Eddie Bravo.

[174] Eddie Bravo hates, like, superhero movies.

[175] The only superhero I like is Flash.

[176] You see Kick -Ass?

[177] There was never a big Flash movie, was there?

[178] I'll go see that.

[179] That's it.

[180] Other than that, I don't want to see any.

[181] I like that.

[182] Yeah, that's kind of cool.

[183] You just don't like stupid shit like Captain America flying around.

[184] No. shield and stuff.

[185] I know most people like that shit, obviously, because they fucking come out with three of them every year, at least.

[186] I know most people like that shit.

[187] I'm in that small minority that I wish I fucking like that.

[188] I wish every time a fucking new Batman came out, I got excited.

[189] So you saw that new Batman preview?

[190] That doesn't interest you?

[191] That doesn't do fucking anything for it.

[192] Wow, that's crazy.

[193] That new Batman looks fucking like a shit myself crazy.

[194] I was not a DC guy when I was growing up.

[195] I was a Marvel guy.

[196] Me too.

[197] There's something about that I feel like I'm still prejudiced Against Batman or something Because I don't really care about it as much As like the Avengers Yeah Like the Avengers I was fucking pumped man Same way And that movie delivered Did you like the Avengers?

[198] I didn't see it How dare you Eddie Bravo How everybody liked it Dude just for the Hulk alone It's awesome The Hulk is amazing The Greatest Hulk of all time They nailed it It's like they used to do the Hulk And it was like You know first he did Loufrey No he did a great job for a person I mean, if you're going to get a person to play the Hulk, that's the perfect guy, right?

[199] Giant fucking dude.

[200] But he was never anything like the Hulk in the comic books.

[201] The Hulk in the comic books was not a man. It was just fucking freak, this crazy big freak thing that is so fun to watch when he gets mad.

[202] When the Hulk gets mad, you think about, goddamn, could you imagine if you could do what that guy could do?

[203] He could fight anything.

[204] The Hulk is unafraid of anything.

[205] He smashes everything in front of him.

[206] He smashes all the time.

[207] He smashes gods.

[208] He grabbed a god.

[209] and smashed them just smashed them all over the ground the fucking rubble's breaking up you have to like smashing eddie when you watch it it's so fun i'll give it a chance i'll give it a vengeance just the hulk alone is so fun okay i'll give it a chance he fucking goes after a jet like a jet is shooting missiles at him and he gets fucking mad and goes after the jet i mean it's to be the hulk would have to be like if you had like if there was like one thing you could do if you could like if they could give you like some sort of a neural implant you know what is that movie a total recall type experience you know where they like simulate a reality for you and you get a chance to try it like what would you like to do I would like to be the Hulk can it be the Hulk in an artificial reality for just one hour you know how fucking badass that would be you can fly you can jump and fly through the air bullets bounce right off you like nothing you could smash I would want to be spider woman pissed off mood all the time yeah but you would only be fighting bad guys miraculously the Hulk never heard any good guys the correct answer is spider woman though Does she have the same powers As a Spider -Man?

[210] But she's a woman She's got boobs and vagina So for one hour You get to be spider woman Plus you can play with your boobs and vagina For an hour That's the best win That's ridiculous You want to be a woman You'd rather smash than do that Fuck yeah Fuck yeah Because a lot of spiders When you fuck the female The female kills the male That shit happens all the time And you kill some dudes Swing yourself and swing around New York Some bees apparently When the orgasm die too Did you know that?

[211] Really?

[212] Yeah.

[213] Some fucking bees, certain bees, like when they orgasm, their dick explodes and they die.

[214] The nature has a way of making sure there's just not an overflow, making sure that, you know, we've got to even out this population thing.

[215] And the female spider does not trust that male motherfucker.

[216] So after he impregnates her, she's like, yeah, I'm done with you.

[217] And she jacks him, which is really kind of fucked up.

[218] But probably a good idea.

[219] I mean, if she loves her babies and she's going to have babies, she's going to trust.

[220] all 1 ,000 of her babies with this cunty male spider around.

[221] He might just eat the babies if he's fucking hungry.

[222] She's like, I can't take that chance.

[223] I just got to jack him.

[224] So she jacks him.

[225] I guess what was wrong about Spider -Man.

[226] I guess the Amazing Spider -Man was a different storyline than, I guess, one of the other Spider -Man's.

[227] Oh, so the comic book itself.

[228] Was it the Amazing Spider -Man?

[229] The only main one?

[230] The rest were like Peter Parker in The Amazing Spider -Man.

[231] Oh, I don't know.

[232] I mean, you're getting, you're getting me the fuck out.

[233] There was a web of Spider -Man.

[234] too far i don't even know so now i'm really confused sorry nerds i uh you fucked up i fucked up yeah i remember mary jane though they can't be changing plots like that amazing spider man was mary jane make up a new superhero bitch all right you don't have to keep changing don't change spider man right fuck eddie brava doesn't give a shit yeah eddie would get mad we would go to movies like well i know this guy's gonna live he always would get upset you could never just enjoy it you know it was like this is so stupid iron man bad ass man i there's something there's something about movies that I could figure out if I could figure it out I hate it if it has me on my toes and it's totally unpredictable and has a really good storyline obviously but that's what I'm into I like I like not knowing that's what gets me excited knowing what's gonna happen you know all that money that all that's CGI it takes for you know for Batman to be he's like in seven fights per movie seven big episodes where he almost dies right he's and he's fighting all this all that work.

[235] That's so expensive and so grand it.

[236] It looks so beautiful.

[237] And for me, the minority, that doesn't mean anything for me. It doesn't do shit.

[238] You didn't grow up watching cartoons much, did you?

[239] Or like any of that stuff.

[240] I wasn't into comics.

[241] I watched cartoons.

[242] I watched the superheroes, I guess, the super friends.

[243] And I was like eight.

[244] You know, but...

[245] Did you like Star Wars growing up?

[246] I did like Star Wars growing up.

[247] Did you enjoy Avatar?

[248] I liked Avatar.

[249] Okay, but that was a super predictable movie.

[250] man that was a complete comic book movie avatar was the ultimate um like pre -determined ending movie no a superhero movie is the most that's like you know spider man's gonna live you know it's gonna no no the avatar dude was gonna live he lived through the whole thing he became a fucking one of the member of the noble people himself no it wasn't avatar wasn't as predictable as spider man come on no way oh dude spider man's the most predictable movie i wouldn't say i wouldn't or superman all that shit It's the same thing.

[251] But this movie's predictable, too, because the guy, I mean, not even predictable.

[252] Because I don't think that, I shouldn't even say predictable.

[253] What I should say is it follows like a pretty obvious pattern.

[254] It follows a pattern where the person that you're focusing on in the beginning is probably going to be alive at the end.

[255] Like 99 .999 % of the time.

[256] Yes, but it's not as clear as a superhero movie that's called Spider -Man.

[257] You know Avatar wasn't a person.

[258] If Avatar was like a chick, you knew that or a dude or something.

[259] something like Avatar the fighter and he's going to fight them oh i see what you're saying so it's because it's a science fiction movie you don't consider it a comic i didn't say i didn't say i worshipped no it's true i'm not trying to watch it again i thought it's good i know what you're saying it is it's it's less ridiculous than a batman it's completely is there's different levels but i say it's a comic book movie i say that with a compliment because i love that movie most people do no most people love that shit you know i just i just can't feel it but that but you've felt avatar and i'm saying that avatar is very much like in a lot of of ways it's like a comic book it's not like a superhero movie that's what i meant i meant like a superhero comic hero like dude like my name is avatar i'm going to save this alien planet did you enjoy that shit did you enjoy like cliniswood movies like those half humor movies like every which way but lose no really yes those best movies ever we were made tool derail maybe i mean i was like eight i don't know i don't know do you remember he had a orangutan i was eight i barely remember I did see BJ in the bear Oh, BJ and the bear I mean, I was into that shit Isn't it weird now that we know so much about chimpanzees Like some of that kid, that student in Africa Just got his fucking testicle ripped off His fingers bitten off They dragged them for like two kilometers Or something like that I mean, it's a really scary shit They beat the fuck out of this kid Now that you know so much about chimps It's really hard to watch like BJ and the bear And this dude's like towing around with a chimp It's not even really a chip It's a baby.

[260] It's a little baby chimp.

[261] It's like a little three -year -old or something like that.

[262] Because that's about as old as you can get before you've got to circle out that BJ and bring in a new BJ or bringing a new bear, whatever the fuck his name is.

[263] You can't have that, he can't grow up.

[264] Because if he grows up, he's going to fucking drive.

[265] You know, imagine sitting in a cab of a truck with a giant male chimpanzee.

[266] And he's like, how about I just fucking drive right now?

[267] Just grabs that wheel from you?

[268] What are you going to do?

[269] He's going to bite your.

[270] fucking nose off, Brian.

[271] Some dude who worked at a zoo brought home a baby chimp because the baby, the chimp's mother died.

[272] And at that same time, the person that worked through the zoo had this dog that just had puppies, had four puppies, like this big mastiff.

[273] And she brought that fucking chimp home and that mastiff took in that chimp as a child of its own.

[274] I got all these pictures of it.

[275] It's incredible.

[276] They're like all hanging out.

[277] It's like a little baby chimp.

[278] Holy shit.

[279] You know what I'll do?

[280] I'll tweet it to you.

[281] You'd be able to see it there?

[282] Yeah, I can tweet it.

[283] Would you rather be Sheehawk?

[284] What's that?

[285] Like, Sheehawk or Hulk for an hour?

[286] Sheehawk or Hulk for an hour.

[287] Is there a Shee Hulk?

[288] Yeah, it doesn't have.

[289] It's just as a strong.

[290] Why the fuck I want to be a chick, dude?

[291] Why do you keep trying to turn yourself into a chick?

[292] Because, I mean, if you could have a vagina for an hour, just a fuck.

[293] Would you rather be the alien or Sigourney Weaver?

[294] Where'd you love to finger yourself?

[295] Man, you really, are you seriously?

[296] Are you serious?

[297] You really want to the time?

[298] For one hour?

[299] If you could be for one hour, it could be Spider -Man or Spider -Women, or She -Hawk or She -Hawker, so you could feel what it feels like to get clucked?

[300] Is that what you want?

[301] I want to know what it feels like to get rams.

[302] You're curious about that.

[303] You don't have to, it doesn't have to be a fantasy.

[304] You could just use your back -to -you -have boobs in a vagina for one hour.

[305] You wouldn't do it for one hour.

[306] No period.

[307] No period.

[308] Like, this is fresh as they come for one hour.

[309] One hour, dude.

[310] You would get a -old.

[311] bored.

[312] You would want to start using it.

[313] You'd be out on the street going, who wants to fuck?

[314] I've got 40 minutes left as a woman.

[315] Yeah, but if you're super woman, imagine flying around, like, on top of, like, the earth and just going, look how beautiful it is, and then start fingering your pussy and sucking it on your own tits.

[316] No, maybe it was weird.

[317] Why you're doing it?

[318] Maybe it will stain your brain, and then when you come back to being a man again, it's imprinted in your memory, and now you're just become gay.

[319] Uh, maybe.

[320] Wasn't there a story about a dude who got in some sort of an accident and then became gay?

[321] It was like a...

[322] Yeah, I think it.

[323] I think, Rugby player because he said the pictures of him before he was like sucking dicks and stuff like that.

[324] What?

[325] No, I mean, he just had like really, he looked gay.

[326] So you think it was just a good excuse?

[327] Yeah.

[328] Like you realize, hey, life is short.

[329] Maybe.

[330] Why don't I just say that I just got knocked gay?

[331] I don't know.

[332] No, I just think if you're going to do it for an hour and you get to fly around and look at nature, might as well finger yourself.

[333] Okay.

[334] Well, I could see your logic.

[335] You really wouldn't do it for an hour.

[336] No, I'm not really into being a chick at all.

[337] For an hour.

[338] What if it's stuck?

[339] try you've never been i wouldn't be convinced that you can fucking you know what you're saying right now that's a deep shit that's deep shit what you're saying this is hurt by millions of people for one hour you have to deny that shit brian dude this is like a mood from the 80s deny it deny it say that you're just trying to be funny right now no no i think for one hour it would be kind of fun you're curious to see how it would be to get railed yeah you could make that happen you don't have to fucking you can actually make that happen i'm just saying man like most drugs i'll try it once wow but not gase x or anything like that wow i mean like if i like being a woman no no no i'm saying if i could be spider woman or spider man might as well be spider woman because you have boobs in a vagina i'm not saying i'm not saying i'm not saying like hey i want to have a sex change if i was 12 why not if you're going to go all out if i was 12 and i lived in the 80s i probably would agree with you right i'm going to say now i feel creepy listen man No, there's nothing wrong to It turned into a joke You could still say it was a joke And you ever even contemplated the thought I mean it's a funny thing for men But even contemplated the thought What it would be like To have, you know To switch places and to be a woman You know Just what would it be like If you were born a woman?

[340] I've never thought it ever And I've never wanted to be a woman But if I had to choose Between Spider Woman and Spider -Man I think I might go with the Spider -Women I understand what you're saying I'm saying it's a funny thing That people get really uncomfortable about the idea of even pretending that you're a woman, like, or allowing yourself to even think, what would life be like as a woman?

[341] Like men are like, what are you doing?

[342] What are you doing over there?

[343] You know, like, it's a legitimate thought.

[344] I mean, there's only two sexes, okay?

[345] One's male and one's female.

[346] If you happen to be male and heterosexual, how much do you understand about what it's like to be a female heterosexual?

[347] Do you really understand it?

[348] No. You understand your side of it.

[349] would you you know if there was like a little thing like a little chip like total recall style and you could be a woman having sex and you can experience what it feels like to be a woman having sex with a man would you do it or would that make you gay I could be a superwoman would fly down the Eiffel Tower and just go like that would be some shit but girls would find out and they'd be like really creeped out about you you're like wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute you did at all the things you could do with Total Recall you went and you were a woman getting fucked by a guy is that what you're telling me well i'm just you know it's not a gay thing at all i just wanted to understand the experience wait a minute wait a minute you could have done anything and all that money and you decided to be a girl getting fucked by a guy well you know i mean i don't think of it that way i think of it as like you know experiencing something that otherwise would be like completely out of my reach it sounds like there's a joke coming you know what i mean it does it sounds like that.

[350] It could be.

[351] Like one of your early 2000s, you know, you're talking to some chick on the phone.

[352] Wait a minute, you mean to tell me. Girls would not be happy with that.

[353] I wouldn't be happy if I was a chick.

[354] And I found out a dude pretended to be a girl and got fucked by cock and be like, whoa, how much that stays in your head?

[355] How much that stays in your head?

[356] How much is the pleasure of cock that you enjoyed so much as a woman for that, you know, whatever amount of time?

[357] How much of that is in your memories still?

[358] Did you love the cock during that time?

[359] Okay, because then you still love the cock.

[360] They can turn you gay.

[361] You can fuck around.

[362] I'm just saying.

[363] We're not saying you're gay.

[364] It's probably going to happen.

[365] I'm talking in comic book ways.

[366] That's probably what gay is all about.

[367] It's just some new evolutionary exchange so that we can have like less people.

[368] What I think is gayer and this has been happening a lot on the Ice House Chronicles is other comics, I think it's happened twice now, saying if they were in a steam room and Brad Pitt or George Clooney walked him, would they totally fuck them?

[369] And I think Bert Chryser said yes.

[370] Well, anyway, Burke Chrysler said he would fuck Tom.

[371] There was somebody else.

[372] I can't even remember.

[373] But they were all about being serious.

[374] I don't know if it was Burke Chrysler or not.

[375] Somebody tweet me if they can remind me. But it was.

[376] Now you're saying you don't know if it's him.

[377] That's a serious allegation.

[378] I think it was.

[379] I mean, Bravo is correct.

[380] That's a serious.

[381] A gay allegation.

[382] You better know that name is correct.

[383] But that's been happening a lot lately.

[384] And I'm like, why would you want to do it?

[385] He's like, dude, I think Sam Tripoli may be also.

[386] But it was like, dude, it's fucking Brad Pitt.

[387] Okay.

[388] But yeah, but you know.

[389] you know that this is all just for humor you mean you can't pretend these are real conversations you're having they that's what i said that you're just kidding and they're like no we're stand -up comedians they're going for the joke yeah okay so whether or not i don't know whether not bert would actually let bert might let tom cruise fuck him just for the story if it if he tom cruise had a moderate to small -sized dick and uh and he wore a condom and burt didn't have to kiss him.

[390] Burt might do it just for the story.

[391] Because Burt has the greatest stories in the history of the world.

[392] And you don't have those stories without taking some chances.

[393] I don't know.

[394] But he might be willing to do it just for the story.

[395] Most likely I'd say no, though.

[396] Damn.

[397] He's not going to get mad when he was there?

[398] No. Burt Christ, it's the fucking man. He's the funniest guy of all time.

[399] He's right up there with Joey Diaz as far as, like, ridiculous, natural humor.

[400] He's just such a silly guy He's so fun You know Such a great guy to have around You know So that the last podcast It was all fucked up And if you Tom Cruise you can fuck him Probably Just kidding The last podcast was all fucked up It's in two parts You know We had a Yeah the Josh Barnett one You're talking about Yeah we had it's like a power thing Where I got electrocuted and shit Yeah we have The Ice House Unfortunately had a little Issue with their electrical system That led to Brian Getting electrocuted in his fucking face Yeah Yeah.

[401] And so that night, I had took, after you left, after that podcast, I took apart the whole entire studio.

[402] Courtney came over and we like went through and threw away all this stuff.

[403] I went through every wire to make sure it was on my side.

[404] And I put it back together and we had another podcast, the bone zone.

[405] And right before the podcast started, somebody put in between the alley of the studio and the other building.

[406] I think it was somebody who said it was like an M100 or something like that, which is like a quarter stick of dynamite.

[407] and it's a firework but it went lit it but it's super illegal and lit it this I don't know and went boom like super loud I was inside like plugging the outlet in after hooking up all the thing and I put it in and I like stood up and it happened and I thought it was that you know because I'm so I just got electrocuted and so but I felt it on my face my face like floppy like the impact so someone threw a bomb at you pretty much but they were doing it in between because like uh because there was a comedy show coming coming out and some you know dude just threw it on the ground or something like that but where did it go did it go inside the room no no no outside the room right but right outside the room in that alley so it was in a confined place because of the two alley right and that you there's that space oh yeah and it was yeah yeah man fireworks are a fucking ridiculous yeah in california it's so goddamn dry i know people are shooting shit up in the air all day see what the fuck is going on in colorado man you know there's this huge wildfire they think part of it was started one of the rumors as some kids were shooting at things right you know they're fucking around with guns right and they hit a rock or something like that and caused a spark and that was it it's all she wrote so I shit myself when we all ran outside smoke everywhere people freaking out I thought the building was blowing up like I thought the electric thing you know and all this like like something is not right uh you know freaked out anyways we did the podcast all this shit happened after the podcast I'm driving home I get to the stoplight and I was about to go to the gas station but i was like now i'm gonna stay and it's black dude starts walking up to me holding two car stereos and like something else some other box like a camera can't camcorder box or something like that he goes and he stops and starts screaming at me and i turn up my stereos a little bit and then i i i tried to roll up my window but my window is fucked up like it's like some setting where i hit it and it will like roll up halfway and then roll all the way down I'm like, so then I hit it again and it rolls up like only a little bit and then it rolls down.

[408] I'm like, fuck, I'm just going to keep it down.

[409] The guy starts screaming, and I'm just kind of ignoring him.

[410] And finally, I'm like, in the corner of my eye, I'm like, all right, this dude's still staring at me and screaming at me. So I better look at him.

[411] So look at him.

[412] He goes, give me a fucking cigarette.

[413] I'm like, oh, yeah, all right.

[414] Oh, John.

[415] And then he goes, and he goes, throw it on the motherfucking ground.

[416] I'm like, what?

[417] He goes, I'll go to jail for you.

[418] I got a gun, bitch.

[419] And I'm like, uh, okay.

[420] I threw the cigarette on the ground And he picks it up and he just like stares at me for like a minute And people are honking the horns around Because everyone else is seeing what's going on And he fucking starts acting like he's going to walk to me Like walk towards my window I'm the dude look fucking psycho Like he looked crazy And then I just like the light turned green over like When I like took off turbo style in my car But it was fucked up That whole day was fucked up That haunted ass day Yeah that was a weird day Josh Barnett was on the way up here from Orange County got a blow out barely controlled his car he said it was trying to go into the dividing wall he had to hold it together pull over the side of the road he got to get towed it changes tired then he got to the podcast by the time he got there Brian had been electrocuted in the face yeah that sucked did you hear it did you listen to it was a pop yeah I saw the yeah you can almost like see like a little there's a white spark yeah I was like that didn't really see that did I really see that yeah you saw it it was like yeah that's um that's not good electrical shit is fucking freaky as scary as fuck yeah electrical fires that kind of stuff too you gotta be real careful when you get in sparks like that who knows what the fuck that's gonna hit you know weird shit can happen my dad well you got you know this storm just hit through ohio and like most of columbus doesn't have power right isn't that like a lot of the whole east coast yeah yeah my dad said that he won't have power till next wednesday and so he has a generator just to do his refrigerator and his TV and fans.

[421] That's scary shit, man. But do you have a generator?

[422] No, I need to get one.

[423] No shit.

[424] It's scary to find out how easy it is for the power to go out.

[425] You know, it's scary.

[426] Remember when there was some sort of scandal in California, and they were doing these brownouts where they would just shut people's power off for a little while?

[427] I don't remember what the scandal was.

[428] I don't remember what, but they had been shown that there was some collusion involved in shutting people's power off.

[429] know the exact story i'm totally butchering it but uh i remember thinking that like that was a scary thing man when that was going on when they would just shut the power off in certain spots you know yeah that's like wait to me you guys can't keep the fucking power on all the time what are we doing that's really fucking scary yeah it is scary it gets scary like how much power do we have you know are we using it all up like what's going on here that wizard last night is the second time where i've been like all right this is getting really dangerous out here you can you never know man when you when you drive you never know you could zig when you should have zagged and all of a sudden there's a crazy dude in front of you you know when justin martindale get your fucking window fixed when just and martindale got uh recently robbed and stuff like that like a lot of people have been talking about it and a lot of bartenders in hollywood have been getting robbed because they have money at the end of the night and they're leaving so people are these two guys are like targeting these guys and i guess uh from a friend of a friend what they're saying is that it's a really there's a really bad problem right now with uh people getting mugged in Hollywood, but they're not saying anything because they don't want it to, you know, about a lot of attention drawn to it.

[430] Right.

[431] But, like, it's really bad.

[432] A lot of people.

[433] Wow.

[434] A lot of people are getting fucked.

[435] The economy's in the toilet, man. More of a reason to do jujitsu.

[436] Yeah, I guess, you know, or buy a gun on you.

[437] Yeah, you know what I'm going to get in a gun fight.

[438] You know, just, we need to figure out what the fuck the problem is.

[439] Our society is just, it's so funny how little we do, like, in terms of, you know, in terms or literally require in terms of government and as far as like engineering our future as far as like you know figuring out a way to cut crime back looking at all the methods superhero looking at no superheroes I'm talking about looking at different methods to rehabilitate people so go look at ibell gain or ayahuasca or you know any any fucking anything that you could do that could help like rehabilitate kids once they get into trouble once you realize that they're headed down a bad alley You know, we do, like, nothing for that.

[440] It was, you know, it's very little consideration.

[441] It's not like something that's on, like, the Internet every day.

[442] They're talking about all these kids that are growing up in shitty homes, and what we need to do is figure out a way to provide some sort of guidance for a kid that doesn't get it from home.

[443] Some sort of a way to take advantage of all these young kids and give them something.

[444] No, no, like, isn't that what, like, shouldn't that be a part of what, like, the government is?

[445] Doesn't that make sense?

[446] I mean, if you, if you needed them for anything, wouldn't he, like, they would, let's say, we need to look at the future of our youth.

[447] This is the plan.

[448] We need to figure out a way to stop all the fucking people from dropping out of school.

[449] We need to figure out a way to pay for more schools.

[450] That kind of shit, wouldn't that be the answer in some way?

[451] In a perfect world.

[452] What's wrong with this world?

[453] This world could be perfect.

[454] If everybody got their shit together, if the world was filled with cool motherfuckers, it is a perfect world.

[455] We are the world.

[456] We are the children.

[457] It's totally possible.

[458] for anyone to get their shit together up to a reasonable point you feel like a serial killer you probably shouldn't be fucking hanging around even if you're sorry but you know what I mean for most folks it's very possible for anybody at some point in life to have some sort of an experience that puts them on some sort of a path to eventually getting their shit together I don't I don't count anybody out I think it's almost possible for everybody except extreme idiots that are probably just here to dig holes I think there's got to be a few of those too But other than that, right?

[459] Yes.

[460] I'm so fucking bankers.

[461] I agree with you, yes.

[462] I'm so glad to Tommy John.

[463] I'm all down for positivity and prosperity, all that shit.

[464] Yeah.

[465] I just think we have to figure out a way to make people nicer.

[466] And the best way is all the shit they're trying to keep us from.

[467] The best way is weed.

[468] You see this Long Beach raid?

[469] They fucking stepped on this kid's neck.

[470] This kid was a kid did nothing wrong, complied completely.

[471] They said, get on your knees, put your hands up, laying on his face.

[472] You guys stepped on his back and then stepped on his neck.

[473] Big fucking cop, big, big guy, man. It was just like clumsy style.

[474] Like, he doesn't give a fuck about him.

[475] Like, I own you, bitch.

[476] He stepped on him like a carpet.

[477] But the problem is they didn't know that they were being filmed.

[478] And there was a camera up there.

[479] And the camera apparently records at a remote location.

[480] It doesn't even record there.

[481] So you can't, like, get the video.

[482] so the cops couldn't do anything they smashed the cameras but they couldn't do anything to get rid of the video Oh shit They did this fucking video of them smashing the cameras You see that undercover kid?

[483] Well it's the first of all Cops have no business smashing security cameras You have no business doing that You're supposed to abide by the fucking law Just because you're a cop This means because you enjoyed that That episode of Shield When that fucking what is that Was the Shield?

[484] What was that dude's name?

[485] Michael Chickles Michael Chickles Would rough people up and kick them and step on their head this is real life you fucking cunt you're being paid by these people these people pay taxes you fuckhead watch the video it's on I think it's horrible to watch on YouTube I think that's what it is you look they you know 20 years ago they would have beat the fucking kid to death with a bat and said that he came out on a knife you know if it was a bad cop I think bad cops today are under much more scrutiny than bad cops in the past you know if you look at like Serpico and shit like that look at those Alpachino movies and you know hear about the stories of a corruption in that movie Cocaine Cowboys where the whole Miami Police Department, half of the half of one year of the graduating class of the police academy, half of them were murdered, and the other half of them went to jail for corruption.

[486] Like they were all gangsters.

[487] They were breeding gangsters.

[488] I don't think that's possible today.

[489] I think cops there are way better than they've ever been before.

[490] But a lot of them are under a lot of stress and they develop a fucking us versus them mentality and they do shit like that or they just step on some kid's neck and they just did it they could and that's a cunty thing man you can't just do something because you can you can't just step on some kid's neck who's not doing anything wrong he's a young kid too the kid looks like he's like 20 21 years old right he doesn't look he looks like a really young kid is someone doing after that guy is someone going after the cop yeah there's no investigation yeah this kid didn't do anything wrong he did everything they asked of him and you know it was it was creepy and is a you know i don't want to bring race into it but he's a black kid and they're you know they're stepping on his back and stepping on his neck and it's you know I don't know what the race of the cop was he looked like he was a white cop I don't I don't know what the fuck he was but either way man that's fucking completely uncalled for if that kid had been out there throwing rocks at Carson Street fuck yeah step on his neck if that kid had been out there robbing old ladies or or beating people up or you know what yeah fuck yeah step on his neck man kick him in the fucking head once you have him down but he didn't do anything honestly you should just just compile with the law you had him down on the ground just handcuffed yeah but i'm saying if you got a dangerous person you have to you have to do something to immobilize them you know if you got them lying down on the ground man i would for sure soccer kick him in the head if it was legal if you got like a really dangerous guy like if you if you have like some ted bundy type dude and you know and you're in a situation with him you know where you know he's uh he's resisting arrest You're not going to kick him in the head while he's on his way down?

[491] Pocus is sticking his butt.

[492] Wouldn't you want to kill him?

[493] Cut off.

[494] I punch him as hard as I can in the shoulder.

[495] Punch him in the shoulder?

[496] What's legal?

[497] If the guy makes a move on you, are you allowed to hit him?

[498] How does it work for a cop?

[499] Because cops have to be careful about that, right?

[500] Yeah.

[501] For sure, they're always on edge because for sure most people don't like to be arrested.

[502] And you never know when someone's going to fucking freak out, punch you in the face and try to get away with something.

[503] So for sure, they have to be on edge all the time.

[504] But when they take it out on someone who does nothing, I can't take your side anymore.

[505] Because now you're fucked up.

[506] I'm on your side.

[507] When you're dealing with the cunts of the world, I'm on your side.

[508] But when you do that to a kid, because he works in a place where they sell plants that make you happy, well, then you're a cunt.

[509] That's just the way it is.

[510] This poor cop became a cunt.

[511] He became a cunt by doing his job.

[512] Probably didn't even realize he was a cunt.

[513] He realized that he's a cunt now.

[514] Now that video got out and people realized, like, what a fucking shitty thing that is to do to a young kid.

[515] it's it's becoming real good business to raid dispensaries and just rob them yeah they take their money they take the money so they they they now it becomes more profitable for them for more states to legalize it you know as medicine they're just gonna raid and fucking pillage yeah well i i you know i hope there's some way to stop that i really do it's a disgrace and it's just one of those things where people are doing something just because they're allowed to do something if you look at the allocation of resources and how much crime exists in our world, you would say, well, let's concentrate on the things that are really hurting people.

[516] You know, is marijuana really hurting people?

[517] No, it's not.

[518] You know what's really hurting people?

[519] Murderers.

[520] You know what's really hurting people?

[521] Drunk drivers.

[522] You know what's really hurting people?

[523] People that are trying to harm people.

[524] People that do assault and rapes.

[525] People that are, that should be, that's the stuff that we should be protecting people from.

[526] Number one, when we get that under wraps.

[527] Then once you start looking at some other stuff, like, you know, personal use stuff, like alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, everything, all the above.

[528] I think we should examine them all equally.

[529] But that's, what's unfair about our society is that these people that are supposed to be in control, supposed to be our leaders, are for sure under a financial umbrella of one aspect of the community that's trying to keep these natural drugs illegal.

[530] The pharmaceutical companies.

[531] They would lose an incredible amount of money.

[532] If you took all the illegal shit, like Ibogaine and marijuana, if all that stuff started getting researched and all that stuff started getting laws passed and government foundations where they set up Ibogaine research centers where people go in to relieve themselves of addictions, if that shit started happening, man, pharmaceutical drug companies would lose a fuck load of money.

[533] I'm not saying they want people to be addicted to like oxies and shit like that but people are addicted and then that money's coming in man that money's coming in and it's not a little money it's rivers and rivers of money the pharmaceutical industry is so big even if they have the best intentions the amount of money is so staggering it just gets out there man it finds a way to get out there salesman even it's not the fucking company's idea they just take the weight off their shoulders leave it to the pharmaceutical representatives and the pharmaceutical representatives they take nurses out to dinner and doctors out to dinner and they fund like golf trips and shit and they're like come on support our stuff they're like like street hustlers you know and then they connected to the people then boom people just get pills every way you look it's amazing it's amazing that we we we see it's all written right down right there and yet the government doesn't do anything about it they don't investigate that.

[534] Instead, they go after medical marijuana dispensaries.

[535] That's ridiculous.

[536] If you look at the things that are doing harm in this world, that you would spend any time whatsoever.

[537] It's just like, why are you doing that?

[538] You haven't done your homework yet.

[539] You haven't finished your job.

[540] You haven't done the right thing.

[541] Why are you concentrating on these extracurricular things?

[542] Because they're written down and they're easy.

[543] It's written down that it's legal.

[544] See, even though the community would completely disagree.

[545] If you look at allocation of resources.

[546] I guarantee you the community would completely disagree.

[547] Forget about all the murderers.

[548] Let's get a team of people together that aren't doing any other real police work that day and make them do something that's a boring.

[549] Make them rob a bunch of fucking people that are selling marijuana state legally.

[550] It's sad.

[551] It's sad.

[552] It's sad that the cops have to resort to that.

[553] It's sad.

[554] It's weird seeing the undercover cop in the video because he like they, he was dressed up like all teenagey and stuff.

[555] The whole thing is it's creepy completely sad as fuck i feel sad for the cops that have to do that i really do i think most cops do not want to do bullshit stupid fucking pot you know dispensary busts especially this one this one's so small if you look at it it looks like it's just a tiny operation but they just destroyed it and stepped on people it's fucking gross you know the car i blame the leadership man i blame the leadership i think you know most of these street cops they do what they have to do because they get they get told what to do all right i think that we had to look at what we're doing, man. You can't keep arresting people for no fucking reason just because they're selling weed.

[556] It's stupid.

[557] It's just stupid.

[558] Let them pay taxes, God damn it.

[559] There's money to be made here.

[560] Or treat them at least like humans.

[561] At least, you know, the whole idea of like going after them and raiding them and taking the money.

[562] It's so gross.

[563] It's disgusting.

[564] It's like, what are you preventing?

[565] Are you preventing any crime other than this stupid fucking written thing that says somewhere that you're not supposed to enjoy certain experiences?

[566] because the government has deemed them out of your reach.

[567] The government that hasn't even had these experiences, that's disgusting.

[568] God damn it, Eddie Bravo.

[569] Yeah, man. It's disgusting, right?

[570] Yes.

[571] You know, it's, the people at the high levels, they know the truth.

[572] They know how beautiful and magical the planet is.

[573] Do you think they do?

[574] Of course they do.

[575] The people at the top.

[576] You don't think the pharmaceutical business doesn't know that?

[577] You don't think they don't.

[578] don't have any idea of course they know you want to stomp it out if you work for a pharmaceutical business you just get pharmaceuticals like a motherfucker like every day you're at the office just trading pills back and forth to each other yeah oh you know what i will say this man i fucked up my back the other day in jiu juts and i took a vikidin i took a vikidin and two percocets and my back was still fucked up that shit fucks with your boner first time ever i went limp during sex wow vikin and perkinet yeah i was on two two percocets maybe three and if I get in and that night I try to have sex my dick just sounds like your body is probably being poisoned At first time I went limp In a long time many years That's a lot of shit man Are you supposed to mix them like that?

[579] Dude my back's fucked right now It's still fucked up What part of your back?

[580] Your lower back?

[581] My lower back and froze on me man I slept on the floor last night Trying to work it out Apparently if you sleep on the floor I don't know if that's a myth That if you sleep on the floor It's supposed to like It's good for your back You should get in an isolation thing It'll help a little It doesn't seem like it would be It seems like your back would be ruined didn't sleep on the floor did you get a massage or anything no i haven't i haven't had time don't use a pillow but i need one yeah go to a deep tissue person yeah someone who's gonna fuck your shit up tie massage yeah that's good too but you might be like in pain for a tie massage they won't want to bend you up and shit it's a lot better today than it was yesterday i'm on no pain pills today yesterday i was on the pain pills i'm a no pain pills today but and it still hurts but at least i don't have to take you know any vicodans wow man i never take shit when i get injured i hurt my back pretty bad like four months ago it was a real annoying thing for a while I'm glad that I can just deal with it because if I had gotten on something if I had taken some sort of pain pills I'd be taking it for a few months and I could have got addicted easily you know I don't know I don't know what the physiological effects of that are but I was in some pretty good pain most of the time for like a whole month and a half and 98 % of the time I have sex I'm high and that doesn't fuck with my boner.

[582] No, that makes it better.

[583] It makes, doesn't it make you more compassionate?

[584] It makes you more, like, sensual.

[585] It makes, uh, the orgasm.

[586] I actually, see, I'm, I'm weird about it.

[587] I even, I like, I like weed, but I think alcohol, I love fucking when I'm on alcohol.

[588] Really?

[589] Oh, yeah.

[590] Like, a lot of people don't like the, really alcohol.

[591] You know, people always like, can get, you know, whiskey dick, you know, or something like that.

[592] Well, if you get really fucked up, you can get whiskey dick, but yeah, you'd have to drink a lot, I would not, I'd have to be not alive.

[593] Yeah, you know, of course.

[594] You're a little tips.

[595] We've all been there.

[596] You have a glass of wine.

[597] I've certainly been there.

[598] I've gotten whiskey dick before, for sure.

[599] Really?

[600] Fuck yeah.

[601] For sure.

[602] I think I've ever done that.

[603] Dude, if you, you start, the problem when you start drinking is alcohol reduces inhibitions, all right?

[604] It removes your inhibitions.

[605] And it removes your inhibitions more with every drink.

[606] So, you know, if you're a little, you know, a little tipsy, you got like a little bit of inhibitions.

[607] You ever throw up on a chick?

[608] no I did right as I was about to eat her pussy oh my god I'm serious yeah hot chick I was 19 I I she was like we were drinking greyhounds I'll never forget it was the greyhounds we're just pounded what greyhound is I think it's gin it's what is a greyhound it's it's light green light yellow I'm not sure what the alcohol is a bunch of blueberries it's grapefruit juice and vodka or something like that I think it's great food juice and vodka.

[609] Anyways, it was a Greyhound, whatever the fuck it is.

[610] I'm not a bartender.

[611] So, man, I couldn't believe I was getting this piece of a super hot, opened up the legs, and right, all I remember is, I threw up on her, they just grabbed me, she grabbed me, they dragged me down the hallway, and I just remember scenes of going through the hallway throwing up down the hallway, and they're trying to get me to the toilet, and I finally get to the toilet, I have a couple more yaks left, Oh, never had, never fucked her.

[612] Never saw her again, ever.

[613] Never saw that.

[614] Yeah.

[615] When I was...

[616] There's no way you can come back from that.

[617] You could fuck the throw up into her.

[618] When I was young and I first started drinking.

[619] Ew, Brian.

[620] Use that lube on her ass.

[621] When I was...

[622] Pryne.

[623] Carrot in there.

[624] What?

[625] Take the carrot out and fuck her in the ass.

[626] All right, please.

[627] Enzymes are a good lubrication.

[628] It's just retarded.

[629] I think you can burn yourself.

[630] You probably burn your deck.

[631] It's stomach acid in your penis hole.

[632] why do you have bile burns on your dick whatever whatever I don't know fucking nothing whatever man come on who does it come on man nobody ain't throw it up on your dick tried to fuck your girl up in her ass yeah blow up you threw up in her and then just said it's all slippery down there let me just start fucking out that might be good like goobery and shit might be really good it was over I fell asleep while I was going down on my girlfriend once at least once when I was young I used to have my paper route yeah that's quite common but i didn't fall asleep because i was tired because they fucking threw papers all day i got tired i'd be like drunk and i partied all night you just get home and pull down your pants you just fall asleep or something she goes to the bathroom and you're just waiting then you're done she comes back and you're snoring were you guys ever paper boys yeah i was how creepy is that now looking back they they don't well i wasn't a boy i was a paper man i had a car i did i only delivered it with a car i was in six or seventh grade and I remember waking up at 5 a .m. my parents were even awake and I would like go outside and find these newspapers and like have to put them in the bags.

[633] I you know what man weird it's it's weird now because the fact that you are out there you know unsupervised and we know how creepy people are how creepy adults are but it's good for a kid to get some sort of responsibility something that they that don't want to necessarily do but they do and learn how to like just fucking some shit in your life is going to need to just get done.

[634] You're going to need to do that, you know, and there's going to, there's a good benefit to teach a kid that early, you know, and that's what's great about a paper route.

[635] A paper route's like, I remember kids that I knew that had paper routes when I was young, they were like more organized than the other kids.

[636] They're like, more like, like Jimmy's got a fucking landscape business already.

[637] He's 13.

[638] Like, what?

[639] It's fucking landscape business.

[640] Like, this kid, he started out with a paper route, and then I mean, when the kid was just like, fucking delivering newspapers on a bike every morning before school like that guy's ambitious as fuck like he would get up like an hour and a half before everybody else had to get up for school and he would go down with his bike get his newspapers and then fucking drive around on his bike and deliver newspapers that motherfucker had some stick -tutiveness you know what I mean I had a friend did the same thing one of my good friends going up yeah you learn you learn how to like you learn how to like you learn how to work hard when you're a kid like that but that's not good I think I was never good at waking up early.

[641] It's torture.

[642] Never.

[643] Sucked.

[644] No, my sleep is awesome.

[645] God damn.

[646] I'm enjoying my life right now.

[647] It's one of the things monkeys like to do.

[648] Sit back and fucking chill.

[649] Oh, man. Can I just relax a little longer here?

[650] Apparently when you get old though, you don't want to sleep in anymore.

[651] You just wake up.

[652] Is that true?

[653] I've been waking up a lot earlier.

[654] Because you're like old people waking up at six or five.

[655] People are weird.

[656] Who knows?

[657] Everybody's got their own clock.

[658] That would be awesome.

[659] My clock is, I'm up like it's been my clock since I was a comedian where you are time to get up you write noonish noonish you go that deep yeah damn I like to go noonish but you're up really 10 30 like I'm up late but you're always up later than me I really usually like five yeah my best my best shit gets done my best work gets done at night when I know everybody else is asleep for whatever reason I want to know my whole neighborhood's sleep I want to know there's nothing there's no sound it's like mike tyson shit right there i don't know what i don't know what it is didn't he get up like at three because he knew no one else was working out yeah we'll get up at three o 'clock in the morning because i knew my opponent wouldn't be doing that that's really good man mike tyson's one of the easiest he's an easy one yeah i hit Tyson and arnold and those are like the staples yeah for a while when we were younger it was captain kirk and jack nicholson remember everybody would do a Jack Nicholson impression yeah well it's a weird thing dudes you can make what's the funniest impression right now I don't know who's like the funniest impressionist who's like the the your favorite guy that's Michael Winslow Sandy is he still around he's he's he's guy that makes insane noises with his mouth he still does voices he has like whammy paddles and shit like his show is ridiculous like you can't believe that it's actually coming out of his mouth he did um um uh what is not purple haze fuck what is the uh i forget what the fucking voodoo child he did voodoo child the beginning with his mouth you should actually pull it up because it's kind of fucking incredible michael winslow yeah my michael we played this like did we yeah like 10 episodes ago yeah i don't remember playing yeah we totally that's that's the only way i know yeah that's no i did you told me about it did i really yeah sure yeah we played man i forgot but i want to see it again can we see it again please because I forgot how, I think it was a long time ago, dude.

[660] No, because I remember it was about maybe 20 episodes.

[661] But there's something cool about watching someone imitate.

[662] Oh, you know who is a fucking awesome impressionist?

[663] Dice Clay.

[664] Yeah.

[665] Dice Clay has like the best John Travolta.

[666] Oh, yeah.

[667] Like, amazing.

[668] Italian.

[669] He's got Italian dad.

[670] Freddie Lockhart.

[671] Jeff Richards is really good.

[672] But it's really good.

[673] Oh, yeah, Freddie Lockhart.

[674] It's amazing.

[675] Freddie Lockhart's Morgan Freeman.

[676] That's probably one of the best impressions I've ever heard.

[677] It's as dead on as you can get.

[678] Like if he called you up, you know, and said, I'd like to put you in a movie.

[679] You'd be like, whoa, shit.

[680] I'd be in a movie with Morgan Freeman.

[681] This is crazy, man. This is going to freak you out.

[682] The original artist, Key of E?

[683] Yeah.

[684] All right.

[685] Have you heard this, Eddie?

[686] No. This is a dude with a guitar, and then Michael Winslow's mouth.

[687] Oh, it's a whole lot of love.

[688] That's what it is.

[689] Fuck yeah!

[690] fuck yeah you know there's a lot of comedy snobs out there man that got no respect for Michael Winslow you know I think that guy that's incredible that's amazing that shit's genius his people like oh you're he's making noise with his mouth that is completely not just what he's doing he's on some crazy another level with that that is wild man that was great the fucking noises that he can make with his mouth and the way he did an in tune and even his singing was good his fucking Robert Plant was good that's amazing you have to watch that folks check that out on YouTube because it's such a weird thing to watch you're watching and you go like wow like you really get the you see the like that's guy that's his mouth motherfucker you think he's smoked sweet hmm he's got to if he doesn't say yes I would say yes if he doesn't I would be shocked my god if he doesn't he's even more impressive yeah imagine if he doesn't you got to get him high and then shit he'll take that shit to the next level you imagine the fucking noises that I would make if he doesn't alien noises and shit I wonder if when he makes when he fucks if he has like a little joke he does to the ladies like like like this probably throws his voice and shit pretends to be other people yeah he probably has that killer snap because everyone's got okay well I got a cool but he's probably got a fucking one that's in stereo well he probably could pretend to be different dudes too yeah chicks like damn come man with a fucking Australian Catter Rancher's hat on and a long mustache and a new voice.

[691] I just want to eat this pussy.

[692] If there was a thing like what we were talking about earlier about actually having an artificial experience, you know, and if we ever get to the point technologically where they can do that, like shut you off and tune you into some crazy fake avatar world for like an hour, would you be willing to take that chance?

[693] Would you be able to try that?

[694] Depends if I have a vagina.

[695] I would be Kenato -larange just for one hour.

[696] But, I mean, would you trust it?

[697] Would you trust it?

[698] I mean, would you...

[699] Look, when you have a psychedelic experience, the scariest part about it is right before you're about to do it.

[700] You know, when you're like, fuck, I can't fucking...

[701] I'm going to let go here.

[702] If that was...

[703] If people were dying from this shit, no, I wouldn't do it.

[704] I'd wait for the...

[705] What if it was the first time?

[706] You wouldn't want to be like the...

[707] At first, I'd be people dying.