MFM Minisode 209

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Welcome.

[2] So my favorite murder.

[3] The minisode.

[4] It's mini.

[5] There you go.

[6] Here's a little podcast.

[7] Let me tell you a story.

[8] It's going to draw your eye away from current events and delve you into a world into a world that's less scary.

[9] It's 25 minutes of not doom scrolling and then you're right back into it.

[10] Do you want to go first this week?

[11] Does you change it out?

[12] My goodness.

[13] Sure.

[14] I'd love to.

[15] wait would you always love to and you just offer it to me i don't give a shit ever great good fucking thank god because it's been five years no um my great great grandfather was a murderer exclamation mark okay karen georgia stephen and all pets i'm 13 and my mom got me hooked on your podcast during quarantine mom mom please we need to talk to you in the hallway Yes, I am one of those young murderinos, and all my friends think I'm super weird.

[16] Yay.

[17] Since I've started listening, I've debated whether or not to send these stories, but I decided I should.

[18] I was looking through old photo albums one day and came across a really old photo dating back to the 1890s.

[19] Oh, I thought she was going to fucking say 2003.

[20] Thank God.

[21] I was going to slap her through her earphones.

[22] No, we're in the 1890s.

[23] right from this this 13 year old knows what they're talking about from my dad's side of the family when I asked him about who it was and how we related to the people he casually replied that the woman was his great grandmother Inez and her husband Raphael Anez is a great name isn't it Inez yeah then this is Paco and his wife Anais that's from Peeway's big adventure everyone that's right that's right there's no basement in the Alamo He then goes on to say that Inez's father had killed her mother.

[24] I sat in shock for about a full second before demanding that he tell me the story.

[25] Oh, you little 13 -year -old.

[26] It's a 13 -year -old going to write.

[27] That's right.

[28] Actually, it's a really well -written email.

[29] The story goes that when Inez was about one years old, she was living in Scotland with her father and mother.

[30] Her father was very jealous and possessive and wouldn't allow the mother to be gone from his side for long.

[31] Her mother had decided that she would take the baby to see her side of the family.

[32] and so she got on a carriage without telling her husband.

[33] The ride was a long one, and so when she was going to arrive home from her trip, it had been a full day.

[34] She arrived back home with Inez in her arms, and when she walked through the door, she was promptly shot.

[35] Turns out that Inez's father thought her mother was having an affair and that she'd been out with him all day.

[36] To punish her, he shot her with one -year -old, with one -year -old Inez in her arms.

[37] Oh, God.

[38] Inaz's mother died and the family of Inez's mother were very worried that the father would end up killing her too.

[39] So they changed her last name.

[40] Then the family sent her out on the next ship to the Americas with a couple of servants escorting her.

[41] She ended up in Mexico and her last name was changed again to Stark.

[42] Due to how long ago this occurred in the fact that her name was changed twice, my family has no information on what her actual last name was and what her father and mother's name.

[43] were.

[44] So she just fucking got sent away and they lost track of...

[45] Some powerful grandmother was like, no more this.

[46] Yeah.

[47] And then think of how expensive probably that boat ride was, but yet she sent the servants along too.

[48] So it's like if you have servants in the 1800s, you probably own that boat, right?

[49] That's right.

[50] Out of my way, they say.

[51] As they bring Baby and as on board.

[52] And then it says, Baby a nose on board.

[53] It has a little sticker on the back of the boat.

[54] Poor baby.

[55] We also have a great creepy neighbor story.

[56] At our previous house, our next door neighbor was an elderly single man. He was nice enough to us, but didn't go out of the house often.

[57] My dad wanted to cut down some bushes that separate our houses and asked the neighbor one day if he was okay with us cutting them down.

[58] He said to my dad, I don't care.

[59] Those are old bushes, and I like young bush, if you know what I mean.

[60] It says in all caps, gag.

[61] Anyway, thanks for keeping me entertained during quarantine, stay sexy, and don't get murders.

[62] Z -D -O -N.

[63] Z -A -T -A -T -A?

[64] It's Z -I -R -A -H -U -E -N, and then they spelled it phonetically Z -E -E -E -A -D -A -A -W -H -E -N.

[65] So Zita -W -N, I think.

[66] Is the entire first name?

[67] Yeah.

[68] Whoa.

[69] Yeah, it's cool, right?

[70] Yes.

[71] Or maybe it's Z -D -A -W -N, but I'm not posse.

[72] and I apologize for that.

[73] That's the thing is there.

[74] People will often spell something out to you phonetically, but they won't do it like dictionary correct.

[75] If you want to really give someone the phonetic spelling of something, put the part that you're supposed to accent in all caps.

[76] Now, Zeta 1, I'm sorry to even mention a correction to you because that was a beautifully written email with two great stories.

[77] That's right.

[78] And also you ended on some solid comedy.

[79] I mean, just good stuff.

[80] Do you know what I love with how to say?

[81] It is sounds like what out, you know, and then sounds like like a, you know, a word.

[82] What does Zeta Wend sound?

[83] I don't know.

[84] So never mind.

[85] That didn't work.

[86] But in general, you're saying.

[87] As is a better.

[88] As a rule, if possible, please.

[89] All right, you go.

[90] Could you?

[91] Zeta went on your next email that you send us and you're going to for the next.

[92] We're going to flag your name in Gmail.

[93] At least until you're able to drive.

[94] And then you won't care about us anymore.

[95] That's right.

[96] You'll be going, living your life.

[97] It's nice to spend quarantine with you, Zeta 1.

[98] Thank you for listening.

[99] Thank you for listening.

[100] And I'm sorry that you're 13.

[101] Yeah.

[102] It's a rough one.

[103] My niece just turned 14.

[104] Right.

[105] And today I had a real profound moment as I was doing the dishes thinking, oh my God.

[106] When I was 13, I, it was like I just didn't want to exist anymore.

[107] Oh, no, not at all.

[108] Everything was so terrible and confusing.

[109] And you had.

[110] so many more years stuck as a fucking kid there were so many years ahead of you that like before you could get out of your town or your home or your life.

[111] But you also started to realize like this simplicity of like riding your bike or you know plan three flies up in the street all that stuff that was fading.

[112] You're still a kid and you still like it but you're not it's not cool anymore.

[113] I'm not supposed to so you have to do this and that's why when they said oh my friends think I'm weird the best thing in the world that can happen to you at that age is to be the weird one get used to it because when you're 19 the weird one rules trust me on this one that's right you can either have a weird one's the visionary you can have a normal childhood or you can be funny so congratulations you want to be cool at parties or do you want to be then yeah take the hit take the hit now while you can weird is good pain is better what okay go hello emma Oh, this says, I Survived Esk Adventure.

[114] Hello, MFM crew and assorted pets.

[115] I love your podcast and can't wait, can't wait until live shows are a thing again.

[116] Aw.

[117] What was your noise?

[118] What did your noise mean?

[119] It was noncommittal.

[120] My boyfriend has already promised to get tickets as soon as you're in Portland, Oregon again.

[121] Hopefully very soon.

[122] Someone said that we owe it to Georgia to go there, our first stop on our next tour when it's ever allowed.

[123] again after the big win that they got for us in the House and Senate.

[124] Oh, to Georgia the state.

[125] I thought you meant you as a person.

[126] I was like, I thought you meant we, they, we owe it to you as a person to go to Portland, Oregon.

[127] I was just like, what the why?

[128] What happened there?

[129] See, I'm so used to see, like the past couple months, I'm so used to seeing my name used as a place that it doesn't even occur to me anymore.

[130] That's my name that they mean.

[131] But I think for you, It was like, what?

[132] But you know what?

[133] Now that I know what's happening, agree 1 ,000 %.

[134] I agree.

[135] How about we just go to Atlanta and do like two weeks there?

[136] End of story.

[137] Okay, ready?

[138] Enough pandering on to the story.

[139] I used to live in a small city in central Washington.

[140] That's a major hub for drugs for the Pacific Northwest.

[141] I lived in the area most of my life, so I didn't think anything of stopping for gas on my way home in a somewhat shady area at 11 p .m. I'm going to guess Eureka.

[142] No, that's California.

[143] It is, yeah.

[144] I'm tired today.

[145] Real tired today.

[146] But you know what?

[147] If you had to guess any city in the United States, what city would you guess?

[148] That would be Eureka.

[149] Eureka.

[150] While I'm pumping my gas and spacing out thinking about my to -do list for the next day, a guy walks up to me and asks for a ride.

[151] I never have trouble saying fuck politeness and told him no. Love it.

[152] He then pulled out a fucking six -inch night.

[153] and said, you're going to give me a road.

[154] Oh, my God.

[155] Uh -huh.

[156] Now, I'm not trying to get stabbed tonight.

[157] I had a toddler and an infinite home, and I asked, where were we going and got in the car?

[158] Wow.

[159] My thought was maybe if I comply, he'll either let me go or I'll find a way to get away.

[160] He directs me to a super seedy motel in the worst part of town, holding the knife to my side the whole time.

[161] Holy shit.

[162] At that point, I was sure this was how I was going to die.

[163] I parked the car.

[164] he got out as he turned back to the car to grab his backpack and order me out of the car three men came out of nowhere like avenging crackhead angels and jumped the kidnapper i didn't hear much of what they said but it sounded like the kidnapper owed them money i saw my opportunity toss the dude's backpack out of my car and sped the fuck out of there the crazyest part of the story to me is that i got like six blocks away and pulled into a parking lot to call 911.

[165] The fucking 911 operator tells me that's really not a good area to pick people up in.

[166] I'm fucking sorry.

[167] Did I miss?

[168] Did you miss the part about the knife?

[169] I got home to my babies and then had a full on panic attack.

[170] Thanks for reading.

[171] Stay sexy and don't stop for gas in the bad part of town in the middle of the night, Jody.

[172] Jody, wow.

[173] I want to make it.

[174] That's harrowing.

[175] I'm so glad you made that out well alive and great job, quick thinking.

[176] Can I make a suggestion for everyone in the future?

[177] Toss that guy, your keys and get the fuck out of here.

[178] Just say, take the car.

[179] Now, what if you had just gotten one of those Mercedes military -like vehicles that cost $200 ,000?

[180] Then hopefully you have really good insurance, too.

[181] Oh, true.

[182] That's right, because you can replace a car.

[183] Right.

[184] And then if you had taken the keys and thrown them in the other door, direction and you could have run the other he would have gone for the keys not you but may i make a non -judgmental counter to that suggestion which is now you're in the bad part of town with no car at 11 o 'clock at night you're right and i when you i pump gas i leave my purse in the car so you wouldn't have your phone either right yeah same so scratch all scratch any suggestions do what you got to make and we're we're this isn't listen we're not advice professional advice givers so we take no responsibility for your actions also this is an i survived story it's not esk it's a straight up i survive story and jody you did it yourself so we have nothing to say we have nothing we don't want to be that 911 operator to you at this point i'm being bossing and judgmental and what i like the nine oh no operator is basically saying like i don't know if you should go around picking people up or just like i'm not are they allowed to be like you shouldn't have done that i don't I don't.

[185] We are.

[186] Maybe they were new.

[187] We are because.

[188] Yeah.

[189] And we're friends with Jody.

[190] Yeah.

[191] Okay.

[192] This one's called ghosts and the Nashville bombing.

[193] Hey, MFM.

[194] I'm sure you've heard about the bombing that took place in downtown Nashville on Christmas morning.

[195] Yes.

[196] It was another huge shock to our city.

[197] And though thankfully no lives were lost, our most historic block of buildings was destroyed.

[198] When I first moved to Nashville sevenish years ago, I worked as a tour guide on 2nd Avenue in the same buildings that are are now crumbling.

[199] I was a ghost tour guide, so I knew a lot of the history of that street and a whole lot about its spooky residence.

[200] Doesn't it, doesn't I was a ghost tour guide mean that doesn't it sound like she gives tours to ghosts?

[201] Or that she's a ghost that gives tours.

[202] I was switcheroo.

[203] I had died at the time.

[204] I thought I'd share a story from my tour days in honor of our city.

[205] One of the spookiest places we stopped at on the tours was a bar called Benchmark, temporarily closed, but planning to reopen as soon as they can.

[206] The upstairs area was once an apartment over a carriage building business where a married couple lived.

[207] I don't remember the exact dates, but think early to mid -1800s.

[208] One day the wife was discovered at the foot of the stairs leading up from the apartment to the bottom floor.

[209] Though police could never prove that the husband did it, many people assumed he had pushed her down the stairs.

[210] However, on one of my tours, I had a woman come up to me at the first stop and tell me, she was a medium.

[211] Apparently, her extended family had thought the ghost tour would be fun for her and her husband and bought them tickets as a gift, but she was clearly uncomfortable.

[212] Yeah.

[213] She would tell me what she saw after each stop, but I took it with a grain of salt.

[214] After all, there was no way I could prove if she was telling the truth.

[215] When we reached benchmark, I told the story as usual, including the part where many of the bars employees had seen the spirit of the husband standing at the top of the staircase.

[216] When I was finished, the medium lady came up to me again.

[217] She informed me that the man had told her that he didn't push his wife, and the reason he hung around at the top of the staircase was because he was still overcome with guilt that he hadn't been there when she fell.

[218] Oh.

[219] I was about to take that with a grain of salt as well, but then she paused and added, also, that isn't where the staircase originally was.

[220] It was in the center of the building, not on the right side where it is today.

[221] I was taken aback by that and ended up asking my bosses about it later.

[222] Turns out she was right.

[223] And there was no way she could have known that without scouring old building records like my boss has had.

[224] After that, whenever I would tell the story of the man and his wife at Benchmark, I would always include the bit about the medium in that tour group.

[225] I wanted to make sure that everyone else gave his spirit the benefit of the doubt too.

[226] This year, Nashville has survived a deadly tornado, the loss of our tourism economy, briefly being the COVID capital of the world and now a bombing.

[227] but through everything it's amazed me how the people of the city have come together again and again to pick to pick each other back up we are Nashville strong and we'll get through this too thank you so much for all you do with this podcast and this community providing a bright spot when we need it most stay sexy and respect your local bar ghosts rachel from Nashville wow I love that it's like a tribute and a cool ghost story all in one that last part kind of did make me well up a little bit because I do remember the Nashville tornado, which was just insanity, like out of nowhere.

[228] I mean, that's that's kind of tornadoes for you.

[229] But, yeah, that's quite a series of disasters to happen.

[230] And, you know, it's true that the, the Christmas Day bombing kind of like came in and out of the news because there's been so much other insane shit happening where it's just like, yeah, that just because no one died doesn't mean that wasn't a huge, a huge awful terrorist event that happened in Nashville.

[231] It's good, I love that she wrote that in to say that people are picking each other up.

[232] So we're going to Georgia, Portland, Nashville.

[233] I do love that.

[234] We've been there a couple of times.

[235] It's fucking cool as shit, that city.

[236] That audience that we got to have at the grand old opera, what a night.

[237] What a night.

[238] What an audience.

[239] Yeah.

[240] Oh, yeah.

[241] That was also making me think.

[242] I kind of love that the, because, yeah, it's like, oh, the classic story.

[243] is like the reason, you know, there's ghosts and it's because there was a murder or something.

[244] Right.

[245] And they're like haunting because whatever.

[246] Yeah.

[247] But then, yeah, but normally it would be because it would be the victim.

[248] Right.

[249] That would be the haunting.

[250] Right.

[251] So I was kind of like, interesting that if it would be the murderer and then it's like, because it's not the murder.

[252] Yeah.

[253] It's not.

[254] Yeah.

[255] He's there because he wants everyone to give him the credit that he didn't kill his wife.

[256] Yeah.

[257] Or take the credit away.

[258] Right.

[259] He's been given.

[260] Um, there's a new.

[261] series on Netflix I was trying to find the actual title while you're wrapping that up and it is hmm it's basically about whether or not there's life after death and it's really fascinating it's really fascinating and it starts with this woman telling a story this spoiler but it starts with this woman telling a story about kayaking down some river in like I think it was Costa Rica or somewhere and they were out in the middle of nowhere in this beautiful area and she um they went around this curve and they were supposed to go to the right and somehow she got blocked and she had go to the left and she went over a waterfall in a kayak got pinned 10 feet underwater was basically folded in half and then she was dead for 30 minutes no I don't think you could do that the only reason that her body was recovered is because one of the other people went down saw her life jacket and went to get it thinking her husband might want it as a, you know, remembrance of her.

[262] And then he brushed by her body floating in the water.

[263] They pulled her out.

[264] She was like purple and drowned.

[265] They tried to resuscitate her.

[266] They start resuscitating her.

[267] She can hear people yell.

[268] She describes where she went.

[269] And it's awesome.

[270] It's great to watch people do that.

[271] And but she can hear someone going, stay with me, stay with me. They, they work on her.

[272] They put her on a kayak and then they carry her out of the jungle.

[273] and there she she was like we were so far away from yeah any city or any anything they come up out of the jungle there's an ambulance sitting there and she's like the odds of it are just zero because it's like and she didn't have any brain damage because not having any oxygen to your brain is they said she she was she herself is a spinal surgeon she goes you would have zero percent chance of not having brain damage for going for living at all but then not having How many minutes is enough?

[274] Is the bad.

[275] And she was dead for 30 minutes and came back.

[276] Okay.

[277] What's it called?

[278] It's called surviving death.

[279] Whoa.

[280] Surviving death.

[281] And so it starts with people with near death experiences, but then there's a couple, there's a couple episodes that deal with mediums and people who.

[282] And it's just really beautiful because there's tons of people who have lost people.

[283] And like spirits and stuff.

[284] They go to mediums to just ask how people are.

[285] And then they get really.

[286] good answers.

[287] And it's that kind of thing.

[288] It just makes you feel good.

[289] I'm into it.

[290] I can deal with that.

[291] Okay.

[292] More than near - Yeah.

[293] I think it's pretty, it's pretty up and positive.

[294] Okay.

[295] Okay.

[296] Okay.

[297] Okay, you go.

[298] The title is a giveaway.

[299] So we'll just start with sup KG.

[300] I don't like that.

[301] Yeah.

[302] It's like we're one person.

[303] When my parents were on their third date, they went out to eat and went back to my dad's apartment at Illinois State University to meet some friends.

[304] They walked in the open front door and saw two men with masks on raiding their drawers and my dad's roommate on the couch not moving the robbers were armed so my parents did as they were told and joined my dad's other roommates sitting on the ground and they were tied up my mom said she remembers her hands were tied with a 70s beated belt she could easily get out of but she humored them the robbers took what they wanted and finally left and my parents rushed over to my dad's roommate on the couch he then woke up from his now he had simply slept through the entire robbery It sounds like me. It sounds like something I would do for real.

[305] Oh, my God.

[306] He and my dad are still best friends.

[307] I don't think they ever caught the thieves, but my parents have a good story from it.

[308] And lucky for me, they stuck together.

[309] Thanks for keeping us sane this year.

[310] I appreciate the vulnerability it takes for you to open up like you do.

[311] Stay sexy and sleep through your robberies, Emma.

[312] I don't think I would ever trust myself again if that I can handle it.

[313] Like a scary situation, it'd be like, you are, you are worthless in a situation.

[314] But you're not worthless.

[315] You're simply asleep.

[316] It's not your fault.

[317] You're a heavy sleeper.

[318] That's true.

[319] It's more you, every time you went to take a nap, you'd have to turn to somebody else in the room and be like, can you watch my sticks for about 45 minutes?

[320] Because I'm going to leave the planet right now.

[321] That's so funny.

[322] That was a perfect little story.

[323] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[324] Absolutely.

[325] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[326] Exactly.

[327] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[328] But did you know that they also power in person sales?

[329] That's right.

[330] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[331] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[332] From accepting, payments to managing inventory.

[333] They have everything you need to sell in person.

[334] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[335] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[336] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[337] Connect with customers in line and online.

[338] Do retail right with Shopify.

[339] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[340] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[341] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[342] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[343] Goodbye.

[344] Okay.

[345] This one's called hometown scam story, which we had just asked for scam stories, remember?

[346] Love a scam.

[347] Yeah.

[348] And this one starts maybe the best way.

[349] It just starts bruh.

[350] Bruh.

[351] Like when you're about to tell us.

[352] You're not going to believe this.

[353] Okay.

[354] Y 'all asked for scam stories in episode 254, so here we go.

[355] A few years, we're going to.

[356] I was working for a sports bar and grill.

[357] A guy, we'll call Tanner, got promoted to the front of house manager.

[358] Only a few weeks after his promotion, he was suddenly fired.

[359] It's a restaurant, so the secret story, of course, spread like wildfire.

[360] So what happened?

[361] Tanner was closing up their restaurant one night when a phone call came in.

[362] He answered and immediately closed and locked the door to the office.

[363] He only opened the door to tell everyone else who was still there to go home as soon as they were done closing.

[364] Apparently, someone posing as a government agent convinced Tanner to take all of the money in the restaurant, over $5 ,000, go to the Circle K across the street, turn all of the money into gift cards, and give the guy the card numbers.

[365] This, of course, was a scam.

[366] It was a scam.

[367] The FBI doesn't work through the Circle K. Or gift cards.

[368] Hold on.

[369] There's more.

[370] There's a twisty.

[371] Tanner was fired immediately the next morning, of course, and then all caps.

[372] But wait.

[373] Tanner's now ex -girlfriend told us the real story.

[374] Tanner had apparently gotten into some serious debt with Coke dealers.

[375] He took all the money from the restaurant to pay his debts.

[376] Then he made up the bogus scam store to try to save his job.

[377] Oh, no. Tanner was not a bright person.

[378] You fool.

[379] You would have made that amount of money in a month with, your new salary.

[380] Working in food service was harrowing and definitely took a few years off my life, but at least it was always entertaining.

[381] Now I'm a few months away from graduating with my master's degree in education and becoming a certified high school math teacher.

[382] Give a teacher in your life some love.

[383] They all need it right now.

[384] Amen.

[385] Then it says, stay sexy and don't do too much Coke.

[386] Jim jam.

[387] Jim jam.

[388] And then it says they, them, theirs.

[389] Jim jam.

[390] Jim jam.

[391] And then it says they, them, Jim Jam I want to party with Jim Jam Jam We appreciate that Don't do too much coat No don't do too much Oh so basically The Circle K gift card Story was a scam In and of itself Now I'm questioning our friend It was actually Fri's parents That had that scam going Maybe they were fucking lying to him And they went to like Boca Raton With his childhood Or his savings I actually have a friend Who just texted being said the same thing happened and that because she had been listening to the show and we were talking about this this element of most scams these days is they rush you.

[392] They make they say you have to do it right now you have to do it right now and this this happened to her and she literally did it and got all these iTunes gift cards like this crazy and she was like it happened so fast it like it was just kind of amazing that one a person I actually knew was not an old person who doesn't catch it?

[393] No. I'm not going to read you the subject line.

[394] Once again, hello, Gales.

[395] And then there's a little smiley face, but used with the bracket, so it's like a big square smile.

[396] And then it says, that's the way my mama has always said girls, jokingly.

[397] My mom did that too.

[398] Gales?

[399] I love that.

[400] Giles.

[401] Giles.

[402] I think it's from like a play or something.

[403] Yeah.

[404] Okay.

[405] So anyways, when I was 12 years old, I was having a sleepover at my friend's house.

[406] We grew up in rural area Appalachia.

[407] So sleepovers consisted and they did give me a phonetic.

[408] But do I need the phonetic?

[409] No, you fucking don't.

[410] Carol, no. Carol.

[411] Did I just call you Carol?

[412] I did.

[413] I'm so tired.

[414] I'm sorry.

[415] It has been a long weekend.

[416] No, you didn't Carol.

[417] I don't know anyone named Carol.

[418] What the fuck.

[419] That's like your way of like, go girl, but it's Carol.

[420] You go Carol.

[421] You go Carol.

[422] Okay.

[423] We grew up in rural.

[424] Appalachia.

[425] So sleepovers consisted of roaming around outside.

[426] Yep.

[427] This is just like Petlima.

[428] Walking through open cow pastures, yep, splashing around in nearby creeks and literally just walking around outside in general.

[429] That's my entire childhood.

[430] My friend's house was close to an old cemetery school.

[431] Sorry.

[432] My friend's house was...

[433] Jesus.

[434] What were they doing out there in Appalachia?

[435] My friend's house was close to an old elementary school.

[436] Sounds right.

[437] It's more accurate.

[438] No, there's hardly any little skeletons of this school that was turned into a small community center.

[439] We would always hang out there because they had super old playground equipment and there was literally nothing else to do.

[440] We were hanging out by a Pepsi vending machine like a 1950s NYC street gang when this old rinky dink car drives by slowly.

[441] About two minutes later, he drives by again.

[442] He proceeded to do this two more times and then he stopped.

[443] To my 12 -year -old self, he looked 60, but in reality, he was probably about 30 or 34 to 34 years old.

[444] He had brown hair in a 5 o 'clock shadow.

[445] He was wearing a brown jacket.

[446] He asked us to come over to his car because he had a question.

[447] We just stared at him, and he started to take off his seatbelt.

[448] Well, I guess my SSDGM kicked in because the first thing out of my mouth was, no, you pervert.

[449] You could tell he was surprised by my reaction, but that made him more insistent.

[450] and he asked again my friend yelled I don't want to get Tetis from that POS you call a car I'm like what the fuck you mouthy little kids you're my best friends followed by my I don't care if you're lost or whatever it is you're weird and weird looking and we're not helping you this okay listen I don't really want kids but if I were guaranteed these little fucking mouthy kids hell yes this is this is it his face changed instantly he got angry and then offended he started putting his seatbelt back on and my friend said bye loser he sped away and we never saw him again to this day i like to imagine he cried as he drove off knowing two twelve year old girls just owned his ass this event seemed minor to me as a young girl but now as a 24 year old mom to a little girl i realized that the event could have ended much differently however i'm glad my mama inadvertently taught me that when it comes to men be a bitch first and apologize later when you grow up in areas like ours you tend to have a mouth on you shrugs the word shrugs and asterisks stay sexy and remember the bullying is never okay unless it's to a potential abductor in a piece of shit car love charlie wow wow I love weird and weird looking they're right and here's they're right that something's wrong with him and here's why.

[451] If the child, the first thing that they yell at you is pervert, you don't continue to talk to them because they're scared of you.

[452] You know what I mean?

[453] Yeah, you don't try to hold on a second now.

[454] You're like, oh, fuck, I think I'm a pervert.

[455] I better get out of it.

[456] I'm scaring these children.

[457] I better get out of here.

[458] Not let me continue to try to talk to you.

[459] No, I'm going to reason with you to come.

[460] Also, any time, and we've talked about stuff like this, but that idea that a man sitting in a car, hey, come over here.

[461] Fuck you.

[462] We're doing our thing over here.

[463] like what are you even doing adults don't need to talk to children or ask them for directions or help in any fucking way in 2021 and that is the year by the way adults shouldn't talk to children unless they're their own children or they have a note from the parent of the children that that child knows them yeah it is bad it is a bad idea for you to talk to a child at all there's no reason stay away they don't want to fucking talk to you i've spoken to children and they talk to me first like my neighbor kid is like what they started like wants to know about what the cat my cats are doing you know so i'll talk one time i think i've told you the story one time you know that street i think it's silver like boulevard but it's the one that goes up behind um hyperion where it's all residential that's griffith park yeah griffith park so it's kind of up behind but like if you were going to the lyric hyperion you'd part maybe park up there that street oh yeah that's griffith park okay so i'm driving down that street at night because i'm going to go to the lyric hyperion trying to find a parking spot and i look out of the corner of my eye and there is like a nine year old boy running up the sidewalk.

[464] Oh my god.

[465] And I'm looking and I'm like, I don't like this at all.

[466] So I rolled down my window and I'm just kind of driving along and he runs.

[467] He looks over at me as he's running and I go, are you okay?

[468] And he goes, oh, yeah.

[469] And then I go, okay.

[470] And then I just drive away.

[471] I think it was like he went to the car and then he was walking like running back to his house instead of walking.

[472] But it, it was that kind of thing.

[473] One time you seen like a young kid running alone at night.

[474] None of that was okay.

[475] It's like when you see a dog without a leash on, you're like, something's not right.

[476] There's no, especially in L .A., I guess, maybe only.

[477] There's no reason for that to be happening.

[478] And then it's just some fucking person's dog.

[479] You're like, put your fucking dog on a leash.

[480] What are we talking about?

[481] And also put your son on a leash.

[482] That's right.

[483] Don't make him run down to the mailbox.

[484] God, I'm, okay.

[485] It's a nap time for me. We're done.

[486] We have three ads.

[487] We can skip the ads.

[488] Oh, thank God.

[489] We have to end the show.

[490] Let's not discuss it yet.

[491] Oh, Carol, Carol and Spenson.

[492] Thank you both.

[493] Look, Carol and Carol, it's Carol and Carol, signing off.

[494] We appreciate you.

[495] And don't get.

[496] And we love you.

[497] Stay sexy.

[498] And don't get murdered.

[499] Goodbye.

[500] Goodbye, Carol.

[501] That was a good.

[502] one.

[503] Elvis, do you want a cookie?