Nick Kroll

[0] My name is Nick Kroll.

[1] And I feel incredibly proud of being Connor O 'Brien's friend.

[2] Wow.

[3] That was really nice that you said that.

[4] You know, a lot of people have sort of done kind of a jokey thing.

[5] Yeah, that was a joke.

[6] Fall is here.

[7] Hear the yell.

[8] Back to school.

[9] Ring the bell.

[10] Brand new shoes.

[11] Walking loose.

[12] Climb the fence, books and pens.

[13] I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[14] I'll never we are going to be friends Hey there and welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend, a podcast, which usually I go to great lengths to try and make these sort of evergreen, timeless, meaning it doesn't matter when you hear them.

[15] We don't talk about current events often.

[16] That's sort of the world I've tried to create in this podcast, but we're living, obviously, in very, very strange times.

[17] And so there is no escaping the reality we've all been thrown into during this pandemic.

[18] So I am, instead of being in a studio with my gang, we're all in our separate locations.

[19] I've been shooting shows, television shows, and we've also set it up so I can do the podcast from here as well.

[20] So I'm joined by Sonam of Sessian, who's coming to us from her home in a place called Altadina, California.

[21] Is that right, Sona?

[22] Yes, you always act like it's like this exotic place, but it's like 30 minutes away from you.

[23] And it's not that far.

[24] Very far away.

[25] Different currency.

[26] Yeah, different laws.

[27] What?

[28] No. Anyway, I'll get there one day.

[29] No, it's okay.

[30] Once you guys get an airport, I'll fly in.

[31] No, you're busy.

[32] You could stay where you are.

[33] Also joined by Matt, Gwalee, Matt, you're at your home, which I've been to, which is fantastic, beautiful home.

[34] Thank you.

[35] Yeah, really, really, like, perfectly curated.

[36] and decorated.

[37] You and your wife are very, this little alarm is going off when I'm too nice to you.

[38] It's going off right now.

[39] Crazy.

[40] But no, you really do have a beautiful home.

[41] Very nice.

[42] And I see you also, like me, have guitars in every room.

[43] Yeah, generally.

[44] If it's not on the wall, it's just sitting in a corner.

[45] Do you play guitar?

[46] Because I've never heard you play.

[47] Yeah, I play.

[48] Lyer.

[49] You just said it like, I'm old enough to drink.

[50] I swear I do.

[51] No, I'm old enough.

[52] Yeah, I got five out of six strings.

[53] Okay.

[54] That's all you need.

[55] That high E is a waste of time.

[56] How are you guys?

[57] Let me check in with you as human beings.

[58] I know there was a lot of banter and a lot of foolishness, but Sona, goarly, how are you getting through this?

[59] Sona, how are you?

[60] I'm fine.

[61] I wish there was more that I could say, but I, I'm chilling.

[62] I'm good.

[63] Well, you're in a good, you're in a, you're newly married.

[64] Yeah.

[65] You're a great guy.

[66] You've got your dog.

[67] Mm -hmm.

[68] And you've got your new home that you moved into in this.

[69] this new country.

[70] Oh, God.

[71] Oh, my God.

[72] No, whatever.

[73] And that's great.

[74] So I think you're in this really nice.

[75] This is probably a good time for you to nest, so to speak, quarantine.

[76] Yeah.

[77] Yeah, we're getting things done with the house, which is cool.

[78] We bought a TV yesterday, and that's all I want to do now is just watch TV.

[79] So you watch a lot of TV at work, but that's okay.

[80] That's not necessary to say.

[81] It's okay.

[82] You don't have to say that stuff.

[83] Well, it's a truth thing.

[84] We haven't seen each other in a while.

[85] You should be nice.

[86] I'm being, I didn't think that was not nice.

[87] that was just me saying, oh, you're tall, and you watch a lot of TV.

[88] I was like, it's not a negative thing.

[89] All right.

[90] It seemed a little negative.

[91] That's fine.

[92] Not at all.

[93] A lot of TV.

[94] A lot of TV.

[95] Not good.

[96] That's fine.

[97] That's negative.

[98] Would you say?

[99] Probably.

[100] You know, you don't give that much positive in reinforcement.

[101] You don't make me want to do anything for you.

[102] Ah, I see.

[103] There you go.

[104] I'm the criminal.

[105] Yeah, I'm doing pretty good.

[106] Oh, oh, sorry, Matt.

[107] I forgot that you.

[108] Matt, beautiful home.

[109] You have a beautiful wife.

[110] You have a nice life.

[111] You've crafted for yourself.

[112] My hat's.

[113] off to you if I was wearing a hat.

[114] Tip of the cap, if I had a cap.

[115] Thanks, boss.

[116] I appreciate that.

[117] Yeah, yeah.

[118] And I hope you're well as you're, are you mentally holding up?

[119] Some people have problems during these times.

[120] Yeah, when it first kicked off, I think I was kind of struggling to find my, my legs.

[121] But now I feel like I've been training for this my whole life.

[122] I'm in my element, just living at home as a recluse.

[123] This is what I was meant to do.

[124] Yeah, this is not my element.

[125] Let me be very clear about that.

[126] If people aren't surrounding, me and giggling, I don't exist.

[127] So I'm a vampire without his native soil, without his Transylvanian casket.

[128] Yeah, how are you doing?

[129] How are you surviving?

[130] It's rough.

[131] It's rough.

[132] And you know what I have.

[133] Oh, my God, they can't handle it.

[134] They're just, my wife and kids, they're like, you've got to tone it down.

[135] Because I'd be like, hey, gang, how's it going?

[136] You know, and they just, they shut it down.

[137] And that's like 2 a .m. in the morning.

[138] Yeah.

[139] Yeah.

[140] And then And then 3 a .m. and then 4 a .m. I'm the singing frog on the old Warner Brothers cartoon.

[141] And I'm doing what I can.

[142] It's like I say, I've never, I don't think any of us have experienced anything like this.

[143] I keep telling my kids, you're going to, like, your grandchildren are going to say, what was it like during the 2020?

[144] And I'll still be alive.

[145] I'll be in the corner with a robotic body because they'll have robot bodies for really old heads then.

[146] And I'll be in the corner going, it wasn't so bad.

[147] And then just this weird liquid will come out that's, you know, instead of excreting anymore, just an oil comes out of me. Ew, what?

[148] Come on.

[149] Why?

[150] I'm just telling you what the future is going to be like.

[151] It's not going to be all pretty.

[152] Yes, we get to live forever.

[153] Our withered heads on gleaming robot bodies, but occasionally you excrete oil.

[154] It's nothing.

[155] It's just a WD40 that has some, you know, nitrates in it.

[156] It's not a big deal.

[157] Where is it excreting from?

[158] There's a hole.

[159] Okay.

[160] It's like a nozzle.

[161] Some people think it's like an espresso.

[162] That's going to be a common problem in the future.

[163] People are like, ah, time for my espresso and it's excretion oil from someone's robot body.

[164] Come on.

[165] No, and that's one of the reasons they've got to stop putting those little nozzles back there.

[166] Yeah.

[167] It's in the back?

[168] Come on.

[169] What do you mean back there?

[170] What?

[171] Well, it's a hole.

[172] They put it.

[173] It's where the anus would be, but they made it look like, oh.

[174] Oh, God.

[175] No, I'm not going to, don't hold up on Zoom a wrap -up sign.

[176] Fuck you.

[177] I'm not going to wrap up.

[178] I'm telling you that in the future, we have robotic bodies that replace our old bodies.

[179] Our old withered heads are put on top.

[180] And there's an espresso nozzle where the anus would be.

[181] And it's just a hot, a hot oil comes out.

[182] What is wrong with you?

[183] You can think of anything for the future and this is what you come up with.

[184] I'm telling you there's good and there's bad.

[185] Okay.

[186] You're going to, no one's going to die.

[187] We're going to live for.

[188] but there's going to be oil stains all over the house.

[189] And it's not, it has no, it's odorless.

[190] It's not a big deal.

[191] It's not, it's, this isn't even me being scatological.

[192] It's a hot oil.

[193] And it cools within the hour, but it does sometimes burn people.

[194] And it can look a little like coffee, which is why it's unfortunate that they made it look like an espresso nozzle.

[195] Are we done?

[196] Listening to this at home, maybe even eating.

[197] Uh, I doubt it.

[198] I don't think anyone says, I'm going to eat some really delicious food right now, but first, let's listen to Conan O 'Brien's.

[199] Hi, reedy, twang.

[200] This is awful.

[201] I know.

[202] You know what?

[203] I love that I have a sidekick on the show who repeatedly says, this is awful.

[204] It's terrible.

[205] Oh, my God.

[206] I'm sorry, not every vision of the future is all.

[207] I didn't think it was even that bad.

[208] Well, most people have, like, flying cars, and you thought of oil secretions coming out of robotic anuses.

[209] and so it's just problematic for all of us.

[210] Hey, trust me, when you see the oil that comes out of these, when you see the hot oil that comes out of these robot anuses, you're not going to be so thrilled with a flying car zipping around, you know?

[211] Come on.

[212] Don't ruin the flying cars.

[213] What's wrong with you?

[214] You think pigeons are a problem now.

[215] Waiter, you're walking down the street.

[216] Grandpa goes by and you're hit with hot WD40 from 10 ,000 feet.

[217] All right.

[218] Ew, is it brown oil?

[219] You said brown oil.

[220] So it's like diaries oil coming out of a puddle.

[221] It's not.

[222] No, it's oil.

[223] It's an oil.

[224] Imagine what color oil is.

[225] And it's not, no. Don't turn this into a shit joke, Zona.

[226] Oh, I'm sorry.

[227] You said anus.

[228] You're the one who said the anus.

[229] Hey, I don't know what flies in Altadena.

[230] I've never, I don't have my passport with me, but I'll get there.

[231] It's all right.

[232] You don't have to.

[233] No, no, I'll get there.

[234] I really want to get there.

[235] I want to describe this robot future to you.

[236] We have to get going.

[237] We have such a good guest today.

[238] And you know, I will say that he cannot be with us in person because we're all doing these remotely.

[239] But he's a delightful, delightful fellow, and I'm almost as thrilled to talk to him remotely.

[240] I'd love to have him in the room, so I'd give him a big squeeze.

[241] I'm a creep that way with younger comics.

[242] Some I'm known as kind of handsy.

[243] My guest today, he is a hilarious comedian.

[244] He's an actor.

[245] He's a writer who's the co -creator and voice of over 25 characters on the animated Netflix series Big Mouth.

[246] He's also, of course, appeared on Broadway alongside John Mullaney in their show, Oh, Hello, on Broadway.

[247] And they now have a new podcast.

[248] Oh, hello, the podcast.

[249] I hope I'm saying that, right?

[250] Oh, hello, the podcast.

[251] I'm thrilled.

[252] He's with us today.

[253] Nick Kroll is here, Nick.

[254] Let's just get it out right now, Conan.

[255] You were the first talk show.

[256] I was a guest on your show as a panel.

[257] Guest was my first show ever.

[258] And your show, when you were just starting, I was like in high school and in college was the show that I looked to to what that I thought was like, oh, this feels funny like I want to be funny.

[259] And then when I moved to New York and started at UCB, all of the people at UCB were like the extras or the small parts on your show.

[260] And so like the idea that I have now been on your show multiple times and that I do consider you a friend is like fills me with genuine pride for real.

[261] Wow.

[262] Okay.

[263] I'm not going to buy it the second time.

[264] You stuck to me in the first time.

[265] There's no way I'm buying this bullshit now.

[266] But it is, that's a very sweet thing to say.

[267] I'm going to assume there's real feeling there.

[268] It's one of the things I love about doing this podcast is I get to sit down with people that, you know, really make me laugh, people I really enjoy, people are really excited to talk to.

[269] And yes, you've done the show many times, but this is a chance to, well, let's say, do you a deep dive.

[270] Let's dig in.

[271] Really dig in there and find out what makes Nick Kroll tick and then break it and snap it.

[272] Yeah.

[273] I think it's probably undiagnosed Lyme's disease that I think is really what makes me tick.

[274] Is really it's the ticks that make me tick.

[275] Yes, true.

[276] Oh, I see.

[277] Very nice.

[278] You know, I have to admit, usually we do this when we're all in the same room, but because of the current COVID -19 crisis, I'm talking to you from, I'll tell you later.

[279] It's not a big deal.

[280] Okay, great.

[281] It's fortunate that you don't go out a lot.

[282] That's all I'll tell you.

[283] But because of that, we're on a, we're in separate locations.

[284] I think we're both in Los Angeles, but we're in separate locations.

[285] I want to make that clear in case there are any COVID shamers out there who think, how dare Conan and Nick Kroll get together in the same room?

[286] How dare they?

[287] I've been proposing that with that we start like a quarantine pod for a while.

[288] and you have been pretty resistant to that idea.

[289] Yeah, I am.

[290] I'm very resistant to it.

[291] I only like to spread disinformation.

[292] And so, and you kept saying, no, this will be a good way to get good information out there.

[293] And I'm like, I like disinformation, you know?

[294] Yeah.

[295] Well, the fact that that was your, that was your roast battle name was DJ disinformation.

[296] Yeah, yeah.

[297] No, you know, it's amazing to me. how much technological bullshit had to go on before you and I could even start talking today because there's like seven engineers on the line all in different locations I think Will Beckton's in Guam all my team is separated and we went through I think it was at least 12 minutes of okay Nick can now go into your files hit sound haptics now go into DS5223G 17 now change levels to 11 % now de -accelerate and it was it was a lot of that and I thought really this is how difficult it is am I it did I mean it's fascinating that like I did your TV show the other day and we just jumped on Zoom and did it and like and that was with yes yes you did the Zoom TV show and it was the easiest thing in the world and now here I am with my crack team more like a team on crack applause.

[298] No, seriously.

[299] That was at least a C plus.

[300] And suddenly, goarly, what's going on?

[301] Why is it so complicated for us to make, and I promise I won't use up all of our time talking about this, but I'll use a lot of it, bitching about this.

[302] Why did it take so much?

[303] This is how I want to spend the talk, is you dressing down your staff on them trying to create the best podcast they can.

[304] Thank you.

[305] Thank you very much.

[306] Thank you, Nick.

[307] Thank you, Nick.

[308] Listen, boss, people are saying that this is one of the best sounding at -home podcasts out there, so that's what we're shooting for it.

[309] Oh, what magazine was that in?

[310] Podcast monthly.

[311] Nick, we have so much to talk about.

[312] I can't complain about sound.

[313] We all have problems.

[314] We're all struggling with things during this crisis.

[315] And I just think the sound of my podcast is probably.

[316] up there among one of the biggest crises anyone has had to do for everybody for every yeah for everybody for no no doubt and people think i've lost my sense of perspective what were you you know it's so funny because you and milani have such a nice way of clicking in with each other and i'm curious because that's the kind of thing you just have to find that you can't invent it you just have to find that how did you guys find each other we were uh i went to georgetown university and And I started doing comedy there.

[317] I was in a improv group that Mike Barbiglia cast me in a sketch show.

[318] When I was a freshman, he was a sophomore.

[319] And then John was a freshman when I was a senior.

[320] And I cast him and Jacqueline Novak, who's now also a comedian who's got an incredible live show that she was doing before all this went down.

[321] And so we met when he was a freshman.

[322] I was a senior and we just immediately, you know, I think I just was one of the first people to get to see him be a comedian.

[323] So I was like, oh, my God, this guy's so funny.

[324] And we just hit it off and got very close from that point on.

[325] I graduated and moved to New York.

[326] And he stayed on my couch one summer and we started doing open mics and sort of writing together and then moved to New York right after that.

[327] But it was this funny thing of those people who you meet early on, who you just stay connected to.

[328] throughout that I got very lucky that I met a ton of funny people early on in my career without having to go to like an elitist institution and with an elitist comedy institution inside of it like I hate those I know I hate those I hate anything that smacks of like ivory tower or like Yale is like that or brown that's why I refuse to go to those those places I just was like, that's not for me. You went to college in Boston, right?

[329] You went to college in Cambridge.

[330] Is that right?

[331] You went to school in...

[332] Yeah, yeah.

[333] I went to...

[334] It's near Central Square, the college I went to.

[335] It's near Central Square in Cambridge.

[336] But, yeah, early on, I was very much like, nope, I'm not going to get sucked into that elitist thing.

[337] So I just went to school someplace else.

[338] And you know what?

[339] Found my own way and struggled.

[340] And it was a really good engineering school.

[341] And you know what?

[342] I learned to use my hands pretty early on.

[343] I used to give as good as I got.

[344] I mixed it up in a lot of fights.

[345] I was in a lot of gangs.

[346] You do look like you would have been a good old -timey boxer.

[347] I will say that.

[348] I feel like you have that makeup.

[349] I did write a sketch when I hosted Sarnat Live years ago.

[350] I came with two ideas.

[351] One was about a superhero who can't help but keep saying his name over and over again, molecular.

[352] And then the other one was I wanted to play like a turn of the century fighter, a guy that fought underhand style and just gets that shit kicked out constantly.

[353] So that was my, yes, I do look like someone who would box sort of in that long Marcus of Queensbury rules, hands way out from the body.

[354] Like you'd be like an extra, like in the background of a scene in that show, the alienist, like you would have been fighting like a bear in the background somewhere.

[355] Yes, yes, and I would have been coughing up blood the same time.

[356] Yeah, maybe it would have been a masturbating bear comment.

[357] Ah, I see what you did.

[358] I've proven.

[359] Yeah, you did your homework for this interview.

[360] This is the sense I get.

[361] The sense I get, and you tell me if I'm wrong, is that I think all the funny people find each other.

[362] I have this theory that funny people in their early 20s kind of all find each other, And then it's going to pop for them.

[363] It all happens at slightly different times and in slightly different ways.

[364] But when I look back on it now, I'm stunned at how many funny people I found really quickly, you know, once I came out to L .A., how many people I bumped into, how many people I found pretty quickly in New York or L .A. And then all these years later, I can mention their names and people know who they are.

[365] Okay.

[366] Charles Quisby.

[367] Oh, of course.

[368] Yeah.

[369] Comedian Mike Bechtel.

[370] Of course.

[371] Stu Simonotti.

[372] Oh, Stu.

[373] Leisha Perneli.

[374] Leisha makes me laugh harder than anybody still.

[375] Yeah, Margaret Hiddleston.

[376] I mean, these are names that when I met them, believe it or not, these were people nobody knew.

[377] These were names no, that, yeah.

[378] Magic Margaret Hiddleston?

[379] I remember, like, hearing her name and thinking, wow, I wonder if this name will ever be on Marquise.

[380] And sure enough, it has not been.

[381] But the point I'm trying to make is that you found very.

[382] funny people to support you and I found all these losers who never went anywhere and I had to make it on my own through sheer force of will and talent so I guess lucky you lucky yeah lucky me it's pure privilege it but it is true like because I then moved to New York and I I started doing like open mics and met Jesse Klein I met at one of my first open mics um Chelsea Peretti I met very very early on and like she and I you know and I think it's partly what you're talking about which is you go and you like in my case I would do open mics or do uh you know improv classes and you know uh and you you're like oh that person's funny and then you hope that that other person finds you you funny and then through that you sort of strike up these friendships that hopefully last through it and my i mean big mouth is is really a collection of like you i can almost track my whole career of through the friends that are in it in that it was like i mean it was like like, oh, I met John in college, and then I moved to New York, and I met Jenny and Jesse early on in my kind of open mic alt comedy days, and I met Jason Manzukas through all the time I spent at UCB, and then slowly met like Jordan Peel through moving to L .A. and starting out, and both of us having shows on Comedy Central, and Fred Armisen and Myrudeau through becoming friends slowly with the people who were at SNL and it they're all the people and then the extended cast is similarly just all of these people that are the the friends that I've made over the years of doing comedy and I have been very lucky that I the people that I have found funny turned out to be like the the funniest people and willing to be a you know a part of the the show and the other stuff that I do it's also uh one of my things is uh just I never wanted to be jaded.

[383] I'm continuously thrilled that I get to work with people that just genuinely make me laugh.

[384] They just genuinely make me laugh.

[385] And I enjoy them.

[386] And we have a good time.

[387] And then that's considered work afterwards.

[388] It seems sort of criminal.

[389] I mean, it is.

[390] We should be prosecuted.

[391] We should be hunted like animals in the street for making this a living, a wage, earning living.

[392] It should be, we should be hunted.

[393] Let's see what happens with the oncoming class wars and see if that does come to be.

[394] I never want to be Jaden.

[395] I never wanted to be Jaden.

[396] I never wanted to be someone named Jaden.

[397] I think at this point you probably will not be someone named Jaden.

[398] I think the chances of you becoming a guy named Jaden at this point is very, very unlikely.

[399] Okay.

[400] What about, is there a world where I could still be in a curse of the Jade Scorpion?

[401] Is that, or do you think that Yes, 40 % chance.

[402] Okay, okay.

[403] There's a 40 % chance.

[404] Okay.

[405] But still.

[406] That presents its own complications.

[407] No, I think it's completely absurd.

[408] That's why, and you mentioned class wars.

[409] I've been very careful, A, not to go to an elite institution in college.

[410] We've been over that.

[411] And also to always make sure that I lived with great humility and well below my means.

[412] Sure.

[413] I'm in a very, very small, very small shack right now, which is where I live.

[414] It's by the sea because I like to get my fish fresh from the sea.

[415] Of course.

[416] And I make a simple living as a fisherman.

[417] You've been to my house.

[418] Is it not a small shack where I fish by the sea?

[419] It's a very humble.

[420] I wouldn't call it a shack because of it's, there's a warmth to it that shacks off in time.

[421] But I think it's the, because when you, you know, you teach it Conan to fish and he'll eat for a day.

[422] Yeah.

[423] But you give him fish and he'll, you know, you know, it's, it, it's, it's, it's, it.

[424] No, you turn him in.

[425] No, if you teach a conant of fish, he'll eat for a day.

[426] That implies that I'll immediately forget that you taught me how to fish, and I won't know how to fish the next day.

[427] It's give a man a fish he'll eat for a day.

[428] Turn turning in.

[429] Turn the man. Yes, turn him into a fish, and then he can swim with the fish and attack them at random.

[430] Isn't that the saying?

[431] I believe that's the saying.

[432] Anyway, Sona will tell you, I live by the sea, and I make my...

[433] living, uh, with my hands, uh, simple living.

[434] Simple, simple, simple Greek fishermen.

[435] You're a really butch guy.

[436] I am.

[437] Yeah.

[438] Very masculine.

[439] Yes.

[440] Well, yes.

[441] There's a raw masculinity to you that I think has propelled you through comedy to where you are now.

[442] Um, and that is what I would, I would aspire to that in, in, in, in, I would like my comedy to be more masculine.

[443] Yes.

[444] Well, you've come to the right guy.

[445] Nick.

[446] And you know what?

[447] Let me tell you something.

[448] A lot of people when they meet me, and this is true.

[449] And Sona, you'll back me up on this.

[450] And so will you, Gorley, a lot of people meet me. And when I leave the room, they say that guy has big dick energy.

[451] Yeah.

[452] No. Yes.

[453] I get that all the time.

[454] That guy has BD

[455].E.

[456] They

[457] say

[458] you're

[459] a