Armchair Anonymous: Zoom Blunder

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair to Anonymous.

[4] And we are not anonymous.

[5] I'm Dax.

[6] I'm Monica.

[7] You're Mike Padman.

[8] Currently going by Mike Padman.

[9] Now going by Mike Padman.

[10] Just see how it works out.

[11] See what that masculine energy does.

[12] See if you can write the next huge.

[13] trilogy for children this is a fun one today oh my god yeah there was a surprise for us it'll be a surprise for you these are people really fucking up in an epic way on zoom it was so fun it was really fun and also just a good reminder like oof we all step in it oh my god what a fucking bitch remember that yes yes okay please enjoy zoom blunders All times, come and go.

[14] Good times.

[15] Take them slow.

[16] I had them both.

[17] I've never one thing you got to know I'm going to keep on shining.

[18] Hello.

[19] I'm so excited.

[20] We're so excited.

[21] Is it Tara?

[22] Tierra.

[23] Tierra.

[24] I was right my first guest before you got on Tierra.

[25] You second guest yourself.

[26] Second.

[27] Oh, yeah, it was my first guess, my second guess was wrong, and then I second guess myself.

[28] How are you?

[29] I'm so good.

[30] How are you guys?

[31] Good.

[32] Where are you at?

[33] I'm in Wisconsin.

[34] Oh, yes, you are.

[35] What part of Wisconsin?

[36] Milwaukee.

[37] Okay, wonderful.

[38] I used to go every year for about two weeks to Kohler when I worked for General Motors to go to Road Atlanta.

[39] Yeah.

[40] So I spent a lot of time up there, and I always loved it.

[41] It was always so lush and green.

[42] I like it here.

[43] I don't think I'll ever move away.

[44] So a year of Zooming, two years of Zooming, I guess.

[45] Is it safe to assume that your Zoom blunder happened within that window?

[46] Yep, it happened right at the start of the pandemic.

[47] I was in my first year of grad school.

[48] And what were you studying?

[49] Yeah, what were you studying?

[50] Counseling.

[51] Oh, wonderful.

[52] Yeah, I'm a school counselor.

[53] Oh, I love that.

[54] We need more of those.

[55] I know.

[56] It's the best job ever.

[57] I love it already.

[58] Okay, so it's the beginning of Zoom.

[59] You're in graduate school.

[60] In my class, I had my professor who was also the director of my program, so very important person.

[61] Yeah.

[62] And then I had about like 13 other people in my class.

[63] So it wasn't like a big class, but enough people, I would say.

[64] So I had this like big kitchen table in my house.

[65] And at the time I lived with my sister.

[66] So my sister was at one end of the table, like working from home.

[67] And I was on the other end of the table doing class.

[68] And then I had one of my best friends from high school sitting like in the middle of the table.

[69] That was like our little pod.

[70] All day during class, we were having such technical difficulties.

[71] It was like, what did you say?

[72] It was your, you're frozen.

[73] It was just like the whole day was like that.

[74] So I was already woke up in like kind of a moody mood.

[75] I wasn't having it.

[76] I didn't want to go to class in the first place.

[77] I'm normally not like that.

[78] And I feel like when you say that, then it doesn't help.

[79] But I really tried to make the best of class.

[80] Like, I did choose to go to grad school.

[81] So we're having all of these technical difficulties back and forth, back and forth.

[82] And then it was like an hour into class.

[83] And my professor was finally, all right, let's take our 15 minute break.

[84] I was like, thank God.

[85] And then we can hop back on and hopefully the technical difficulties will just disappear.

[86] magically fix themselves.

[87] Yeah, just how everything normally is.

[88] Usually we'll just mute ourselves and turn our cameras off and, like, go about our business in our house.

[89] But she wanted us to, like, fully exit out thinking that the on and off message was going to work.

[90] So I exit out of Zoom and I just immediately go into bitching.

[91] Like, I am bitching about class.

[92] I got my sister here, my best friend.

[93] we're in our house.

[94] I'm feeling very comfortable.

[95] So I'm just like, oh my God, I'm fucking so done with this class.

[96] I do not want to fucking be here.

[97] Like, I know I'm at home.

[98] Like, I know we just had a break.

[99] I'm like, this is the dumbest day of my life.

[100] I know about the fundamental attributionaire, and I was just falling right on it.

[101] Yeah.

[102] Really blaming her for quarantine.

[103] Sure, sure.

[104] The teacher?

[105] Yeah, my professor, the director of the program.

[106] Even though it's not her fault.

[107] at all.

[108] She's a kind person.

[109] Very good teacher.

[110] Learned a lot from her.

[111] So I'm just going off.

[112] You're letting it rip.

[113] Call my professor.

[114] I'm like, God, this fucking bitch.

[115] Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. All these fucking idiots in my class were to still try to have class.

[116] I'm just going for it.

[117] Because I'm in my own house.

[118] It's like writing in a journal.

[119] So I got a minute to log back on.

[120] So I don't want to be late.

[121] I run back to my computer at the end of the table, log back into the meeting.

[122] I see my cameras up.

[123] I thought I checked the mute.

[124] It's like, oh, I forgot my snack.

[125] So I went to go grab my snack from the kitchen.

[126] The one you were supposed to have in the break, but you were too busy shit -talking the professor.

[127] Yeah, I was supposed to already be done with it, but no, I was too busy yapping.

[128] And on my way back, I hear my professor say, oh, yeah, I bet we're having all of these technical difficulties because of all this wind we're having today.

[129] And that fuels my fire.

[130] So I'm like, oh, my God, this fucking bitch thinks it's the wind.

[131] I said, it's not like the whole fucking world is on Zoom right now.

[132] And as I'm walking back past the table, my friend says, how old is your professor?

[133] I'm like sitting down at my computer looking at my friend because I'm thinking nobody can hear me. And I don't really care if people can see me. And I go, I don't know.

[134] 75, she has the most wrinkles I've ever seen.

[135] Oh, this could not, I mean, the most wrinkles I've ever seen.

[136] Oh, my goodness.

[137] No, like word for word, I've ever seen in my life.

[138] And all of a sudden, my sister goes, are you muted?

[139] Oh my God.

[140] And my first thought is like, yeah, yeah, yeah, older sister, you're always right.

[141] of course I'm muted, you know, and I look and I literally go, oh my God.

[142] And I muted myself and I went so pale.

[143] I looked sick in the face.

[144] I have a picture and my professor doesn't say anything.

[145] But I see some people in the class Zoom window are like this.

[146] Mouth a gate.

[147] Oh, no. Like they're now telling somebody that's in their room.

[148] I'm like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

[149] So I'm sitting there and I have an hour.

[150] hour and a half left of class.

[151] So I look casual, but I'm freaking out because the professor like didn't hear me because she would have addressed it.

[152] I'm assuming right away.

[153] And so class goes on, class goes on.

[154] And I decide to like quickly message the professor privately and say, hey, can I talk to you after class?

[155] You're going to get out in front of it.

[156] Yeah.

[157] I'm getting out in front of it.

[158] I made this horrible mistake.

[159] So I need to apologize.

[160] I'm on the Zoom with her.

[161] It's just me and her now.

[162] And I said, hi, Professor.

[163] You look beautiful.

[164] Your faces never look better.

[165] You're gorgeous.

[166] Tight as a drum.

[167] And I said, Professor, I'm so sorry.

[168] I said, when I came back after the break, I wasn't muted and I was really complaining about the class and you.

[169] And I have no reason to complain about you or the class.

[170] Because she could technically question my character and be like, should you kind of be doing this career?

[171] Like, you're kind of rude.

[172] Yeah.

[173] I hope you don't counsel anyone with wrinkles.

[174] She goes, oh, I didn't even hear you.

[175] Times are really tough.

[176] I understand.

[177] I feel even worse.

[178] I'm like, oh, my gosh, she's so nice and gentle and understanding.

[179] A true counselor.

[180] I'm still feeling bad, but I'm like, she didn't hear it.

[181] And then she says, I'll take a look at the recording tomorrow and I'll see if any further action needs to be taken.

[182] And I literally just like sunk in my chair.

[183] So I, for the last of the night, I'm just sobbing and sobbing because I feel so bad.

[184] And it's recorded.

[185] Like, there's proof forever that this happens.

[186] I'm up all night just like waiting for it to be downloaded to the academic page.

[187] So finally it's up.

[188] I click on it.

[189] And of course, the setting on Zoom for the recording is like whoever's speaking, whoever the mic is like picking up, it like enlarges their photo.

[190] Yeah, you're the speaker view.

[191] And not only that, it had subtitles.

[192] No way.

[193] It literally was transcribed, word for word, what I had said.

[194] I watched the video over, and I was just again sick to my stomach, crying more.

[195] I'm like, this is so not okay.

[196] At least I already apologized to her.

[197] I owned up to it already.

[198] Yeah.

[199] But then she made me, rightfully so, apologize.

[200] to the whole class the next week.

[201] And this was my first year.

[202] I'm like a shyer person.

[203] So nobody really knows me in my classes yet.

[204] Well, they do now.

[205] Everyone's going to see me and be like, that's the girl I called the director of the program, the rinkerest bit she's ever seen.

[206] And I'm like, oh, my God.

[207] So the next week, my professor makes me apologize in front of the whole class.

[208] So I taped up a little loosely paper, wrote something out.

[209] That was the end of it I still feel so bad I could not believe it I would have even felt okay owning up to like calling her a fucking bitch or like stupid fucking class but like wrinkly his face I'm actually Yeah that one cuts deep Yeah That one cuts deep Yeah so personal Not her fault at all Like I was literally throwing the worst tantrum of all Wow that was a doozy That was a biggie I didn't even know if I wanted to write it in because I was like, this is so embarrassing for me. For what it's worth, judgments aside, it makes me want to hang out with you.

[210] Yeah.

[211] That's my conclusion is like, you feel your feelings.

[212] You remind me of my friend Sassy a lot, very Michigan vibe, and I want to hang with you, and I want to let's talk some steam with you, and let's talk some shit.

[213] And like everyone does this.

[214] That's the thing.

[215] Zoom brought new obstacles to shit talking.

[216] I mean, you at least had a little bit of a defense of, Oh, this COVID thing's bringing out the horse in all of us.

[217] Like, you had a little kind of cover fire.

[218] People probably wrote it up like, oh, this gal's really taking COVID hard.

[219] She's, yeah, she's losing it a little bit.

[220] And she's called the teacher an old bitch and almost throws up when she sees her wrinkles.

[221] Looks like a map of a river tributary.

[222] Because you know, people have punched up the story when they retell it.

[223] Be honest.

[224] Did the C word ever come out or no?

[225] No. It was only like fucking bitch like multiple times.

[226] Yeah, that's PG.

[227] That's fine.

[228] Because it was recorded.

[229] I was able to pause.

[230] the video right when I find out that I'm not muted.

[231] Oh my God.

[232] So you can just see my sickness.

[233] By the way, you look like you're in witness protection in that photo.

[234] Like when they interview somebody that wants to stay anonymous, you just look like an evil force.

[235] The way in the back is not helping.

[236] Oh, wow.

[237] Well, if it makes me feel any better, I've done some on that level.

[238] but face to face.

[239] Remember one time I didn't realize someone had directed a movie and they asked me how it was and I went out a whole tirade about how terrible it was and it turns out they had direct.

[240] Yeah, I've had some bad ones.

[241] I didn't have any excuses, but you get past them.

[242] I will say I was listening to the race to 180 and I literally was living in my head about this for months.

[243] I heard Aaron, best friend Aaron Weekly, tell his Zoom Blonde story.

[244] Right, what one did you rather have?

[245] His story made me feel a little bit better.

[246] I was like, I'm not the only one.

[247] Tierra, you're a party.

[248] That was an incredible story.

[249] We're so lucky to have you as an armchair.

[250] Yeah, we like you.

[251] Yeah.

[252] Thank you guys so much.

[253] We adore you.

[254] Bye -bye.

[255] Morgan, nice to meet you.

[256] Dax.

[257] Monica, wow.

[258] Are you Canadian?

[259] I am Canadian.

[260] Yeah, I can feel it growing up.

[261] I'm from Saskatchettune, eh?

[262] Oh.

[263] Wow.

[264] Wow.

[265] That's deep.

[266] That's a deep cut.

[267] I was told not to say that.

[268] Why?

[269] Why?

[270] We love it.

[271] I know.

[272] They're like, well, what if they've never seen grownups?

[273] I'm like, who's not seen grownups?

[274] Is that where you're at currently?

[275] Yeah.

[276] Yeah.

[277] Okay.

[278] And what do you do there?

[279] I work at a bank, and my family and I own the largest no -killed dog rescue in our province.

[280] Wonderful.

[281] Monica's favorite.

[282] I don't want them to die.

[283] You're doing great stuff.

[284] Yeah.

[285] She wants them to live just not around her.

[286] I just don't want them to bite me, you know, or be in my coffee line.

[287] When I listened to the podcast the other day where you guys were talking about dogs and stuff, I was like, oh, man, I just need to bring her over here and she would just be fell through.

[288] She would change her mind in a moment, I think.

[289] Okay, so what crazy Zoom blunder did you experience?

[290] I was taking a bookkeeping course online.

[291] I lived about two hours from the closest school.

[292] So this was right before the pandemic, actually.

[293] So they had about 25 people in their class, and I was one out of four, I think, that was live.

[294] So we had to have our videos on at all times, and it was bookkeeping, guys.

[295] It's a freaking boring class.

[296] No one wants to do that.

[297] Plus, I'm ADHD.

[298] I can't keep my attention span very well.

[299] So I decided that I was going to go and have a bath.

[300] So I had my iPad.

[301] There we go.

[302] I mean, flick the bean.

[303] Might as well, like, keep this stuff on.

[304] You know, I really wish the story ended with an orgasm because it would have been so much more worth it.

[305] Anyway, so I put my iPad up on a chair right beside the tub and I got it.

[306] And I made sure I was on mute and everything and sprinkling my ups and salts in there.

[307] I'm just giving myself a little relaxation learning how to balance the books.

[308] Wait, but your video's on?

[309] Your video was on.

[310] But I guess you thought you aimed it far enough away that the moment to see you?

[311] No, because I'm sure for a brief moment I can shut the video off and mute it.

[312] So then I did that.

[313] And then I got in the tub.

[314] And so it's angled up right beside the tub and that's all fine and dandy.

[315] So then I'm having my bath.

[316] And 10 minutes later, I'm bored again.

[317] I'm flicking the bean.

[318] Couldn't get off.

[319] The books were too boring.

[320] Humans are wild.

[321] And she talked a lot.

[322] so then I was just going to sit there and listen to her.

[323] And I mean, I wasn't getting off on her voice.

[324] I'm not a big pornography watcher.

[325] With that said, I would pay thousands of dollars to witness what you just described because you're looking at a unicorn in the wild.

[326] Like, you're seeing something so real.

[327] So not produced.

[328] Like, look at this gal.

[329] Fuck this class.

[330] It's time to take a bath and masturbate.

[331] That's a really incredible thing to witness.

[332] I almost wish someone had said.

[333] seen it.

[334] It'd be good for them.

[335] Well, that's what I was thinking, you know, the legs flailing up around there and all they see is just the legs are shaking.

[336] That's the only time you've done it.

[337] Well, that's not even the embarrassing part.

[338] Right.

[339] I was like, what's embarrassing about, okay, go on.

[340] I thought maybe it was just a story about her beating off while she was on Zoom.

[341] That's just great normal life.

[342] Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[343] I step out of the bathtub.

[344] The iPad is sitting right beside me on an angle.

[345] I didn't know the video's on.

[346] All of a sudden, I'm standing in front of there from bottom angle up straight naked saggy tits are just a given her i'm standing there you know dry enough all the sudden i hear oh no oh Morgan we can see you oh my god oh it wasn't until they said Morgan I can see you oh that I realized what the hell was actually happening I slend I'm that iPad down.

[347] And I got the hell out of that room.

[348] Oh, my God.

[349] I ran upstairs, found my kid, and I'm like, hyperventilating and falling my face off and laughing so hard that I can't contain myself.

[350] Later on in the evening, the teacher sends me an email to check in on me. Male or female teacher?

[351] Female.

[352] About 60, probably a pretty straight shooter, I'd think.

[353] Okay, okay.

[354] She's like, I just want to make sure that you're okay.

[355] I'm sure that you were, you know, pretty embarrassedness of stuff.

[356] Well, this is definitely where women get the benefit of the doubt.

[357] Like, if that exact same thing happens to me, I'm a sexual predator.

[358] Like, I definitely was, I was, I was just flashed everybody.

[359] Do you think the angle was right at your vagina?

[360] Dude, it was terrible.

[361] It was just sitting there on the angle.

[362] Just straight up.

[363] And you're probably drying it.

[364] Rubbing her.

[365] You know, just back in.

[366] Oh, my God.

[367] But did they see anything before you stood up?

[368] Like, did they see any of the masturbation and stuff?

[369] Because if it was all on, if the video was on the whole time.

[370] I don't think so because it wasn't until I was standing there, which, like, maybe they were enjoying the first part of the night.

[371] And then they've seen what was happening.

[372] And they're like, oh, we don't want to see that coming from there.

[373] You're back in the top.

[374] No, they didn't think that.

[375] They were all the guys, oh, every guy in the class.

[376] was just thrilled.

[377] That's the best day of life.

[378] Twenty -five people in that class.

[379] But especially in a class that boring.

[380] Yeah.

[381] Like to just see some nudity and some drying of a vagina with a towel.

[382] What a pop -out.

[383] What a great pop -out.

[384] Oh, wow.

[385] Oh, Morgan.

[386] That's wonderful.

[387] Yeah.

[388] I'm sorry you had to experience it, but we're grateful.

[389] Yeah.

[390] Did you continue to attend the class, though?

[391] No. I quit that shit.

[392] And I'm not a bookkeeper now.

[393] This is why I work with dogs because they don't see me naked.

[394] And if they do, they don't care.

[395] Yeah, they don't know what's happening.

[396] Well, Morgan, thank you for that tree.

[397] What a zesty story that was.

[398] Very zesty.

[399] Well, thank you guys.

[400] This was fun.

[401] I listen to you guys like at least four hours a day.

[402] I've ran out of things to listen to.

[403] So I'm glad that you guys keep bringing out new and different things.

[404] We're slowly going to transition into.

[405] just a live feed of Monaco and I wandering through the world.

[406] And you might get some stories like this.

[407] Well, you're definitely going to, yeah, we're going to have to masturbate at certain points.

[408] We're going to commit.

[409] Keep it behind closed doors.

[410] All right.

[411] So great meeting you, Morgan.

[412] What's up, guys?

[413] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[414] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[415] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest.

[416] Okay, every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[417] And I don't mean just friends, I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[418] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[419] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[420] We've all been there.

[421] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[422] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[423] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symbols.

[424] symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery, like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[425] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[426] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[427] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[428] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[429] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[430] Hello.

[431] Hi, how are you?

[432] You have two first names?

[433] I do, yeah.

[434] My parents had a fight when I was born, and they both wanted to give me a first name, so I got two.

[435] Sierra Lucy, am I saying that right?

[436] No, Kira Lucy.

[437] Kira Lucy, because you're Irish?

[438] I am.

[439] That's fun.

[440] Are you in Ireland?

[441] No, I'm in Australia.

[442] What are you doing down in Australia?

[443] Oh, yeah.

[444] I'm a speech pathologist.

[445] I emigrated here 10 years ago because there was no jobs in Ireland.

[446] There was a massive embargo in the health service.

[447] Oh, wow.

[448] So you had a Zoom blunder.

[449] Yeah.

[450] I mean, it still hurts to talk about it.

[451] It's like ground, swallow me up.

[452] Scarlet for my mother that had me mad, that had me. Oh, my God.

[453] I actually left the place that I was working afterwards.

[454] Not because of the Zoom blunder, but it didn't help.

[455] Definitely a contributing factor because everyone had.

[456] the organisation knew me after.

[457] I was working for a large disability service provider like a therapy service organisation in Western Australia as a senior clinician in the behaviour support team.

[458] Working people with autism with like high behaviour support needs.

[459] And it was part in my role to provide trainings and webinars to the whole therapy service section of the organisation.

[460] So that's about two to 300 therapists at any given time.

[461] Okay.

[462] So that's the audience.

[463] I can't say exactly how many were there at the time.

[464] So we did these like whole service trainings once every quarter.

[465] This was my turn as part of the team.

[466] We were still learning Zoom because it's just when COVID had really hit Western Australia.

[467] We've been very lucky here.

[468] We've been in a bit of a bubble.

[469] Our borders have been closed.

[470] We have only had, I think, three lockdowns.

[471] They've only lasted like a number of weeks.

[472] So we never really had to get used to COVID workways.

[473] That's just for us in W .A. Not for the rest of the country.

[474] If any other Australian people are listening, probably got very cross because they've been in lockdowns for once and once.

[475] So we had this rule that if you were a presenter, you kept your camera on and your microphone on to make it easier for the previous presenter to change you over to the host.

[476] And during this particular lockdown, my son was home from school, my six -year -old, he was five at the time, and my three -year -old was home from daycare.

[477] So I had them set up being babysat by the television, which is what they're doing now, eating chocolate at 7 o 'clock in the morning.

[478] whatever it takes yeah so it was a similar situation I was all set up ready to go the previous presenter was talking I was like okay if they go on a bit I'll have about 20 minutes before I start to get myself cup of tea get set up get ready and then my son came into the room and announced very loudly mom what's an erection and I was like so I quickly off the video and muted the call and I still had my air pods in and turned around to him and I was like well my lo an erection so when someone is erect it's like this like they're real straight and tall that's what erect means and when a man gets an erection that means that their penis is really straight and tall so you know like it can feel hard sometimes and you know sometimes you have to push it down when you go to the toilet in the middle of the night you know that happens sometimes with your baby erections and he was like looking really confused he's like yeah yeah he's like does it hurt I'm like no no No. Well, I don't have one.

[479] I don't have a penis.

[480] I don't get erections.

[481] You can always ask daddy when he's home.

[482] But no, it's not going to hurt.

[483] It's something that happens to all boys.

[484] So it's just totally normal.

[485] And then I was like, okay, situation's worrying.

[486] I'm like, remember, mommy has a meeting.

[487] So I'll just go back to that.

[488] Why were you asking me about an erection?

[489] Wait a second.

[490] Like, what are you doing?

[491] And he was like, oh, it was on the television.

[492] I'm like, oh, crap, what in the world are you watching?

[493] Ran into the room.

[494] And he was watching the news.

[495] what the hell was on the news?

[496] Like at this hour of the morning, like, what could be on the news about an erection?

[497] And it was the local state election was on.

[498] Oh, election.

[499] Mom, why does Mark McGowan have an erection?

[500] So he's the state premier who was about to be elected.

[501] So I was like, no, babe.

[502] Okay, this is election, not erection.

[503] He's like, so his penis gets hard?

[504] My guess, his penis does get hard, I think, when he has children, unless he's had them by other means.

[505] But yeah, yeah, he just gets hard.

[506] But it's not hard right now.

[507] I don't think it might be.

[508] He might be excited.

[509] But he's getting elected.

[510] It's an election.

[511] So this is the election.

[512] And he's like, what's an election?

[513] I was like, oh, crap, I need to get back in there.

[514] An election is like lots of people vote for different things.

[515] And then people are going to vote for who's going to be the leader of W .A. And then they're going to be the ones that like fix the roads and schools and everything.

[516] Okay, bye.

[517] I ran back into the office, turned on the camera.

[518] And the CEO was staring at me. Oh.

[519] Loads and loads of messages come up, being like, Kare Lisi, please make me the host again.

[520] Kira Lisi, please turn off your camera.

[521] Yeah, Curr, please, please turn off your sound.

[522] Kira Lacey, can you hear us?

[523] Can anyone get in contact with her?

[524] Does someone have our phone number?

[525] So I had muted them.

[526] So I did not mute myself.

[527] I muted them and had turned off the camera.

[528] And they couldn't even interrupt you to tell you because you had muted them.

[529] No, because they had made me the host.

[530] Yes.

[531] They also couldn't end the Zoom call or anything.

[532] Oh, my God.

[533] They had told loads of people to leave the call, but there was still about 50 to 100 people on the call.

[534] I wanted to know what an erection was.

[535] Yeah, what a great description.

[536] By the way, every bit of the description was on point.

[537] It was tasteful.

[538] It was informative.

[539] It was age appropriate.

[540] That's a feather in your cap as much as it is a blunder.

[541] That's what some of the therapists did say.

[542] Good, good.

[543] Did you try to proceed on with your presentation or just the meat?

[544] meeting was over.

[545] Yes, I did.

[546] Oh.

[547] No, no, I did.

[548] So I was like, thank you for waiting, everybody.

[549] I just had a little family matter there, as you will have heard.

[550] So let's get into it.

[551] Behavior support for people on the spectrum.

[552] Oh, my God.

[553] I did also say apologies to any men in the audience that I have miscommunicated.

[554] Oh, that's so funny.

[555] That's fantastic.

[556] I'll remind him of it when he's older.

[557] Well, also, it's a confluence of a bunch of improbable things.

[558] You're not muted.

[559] That's one hiccup.

[560] And then the timing that your son's misheard election and things that's a wrecking.

[561] This is like when they say plane crashes are always like seven things go wrong.

[562] Not one.

[563] This is very much like that.

[564] Perfect storm.

[565] Well put, Monica.

[566] Thank you.

[567] I made that up.

[568] Carra Lucy, what a great story.

[569] And also we're very flattered that we have some Australian listeners.

[570] International listeners.

[571] We like that.

[572] I'm sure there's loads of Australian listeners.

[573] We're afraid to look.

[574] We hope so.

[575] You're able to see does break down.

[576] Well, Rob probably knows every single thing about every country.

[577] We're too delicate.

[578] We don't dare ask whether we're liked elsewhere.

[579] Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

[580] That was great.

[581] Yeah, that's tremendous.

[582] But again, this is a big win for you.

[583] A really good parenting victory.

[584] Juggling a lot of balls.

[585] Not talking about the balls, though.

[586] Well, great meeting you.

[587] And thanks for sharing the story with us.

[588] You too.

[589] Thanks so much.

[590] Ready?

[591] Yeah, Ted.

[592] Teddy, are you Teddy?

[593] What's going home?

[594] Hello?

[595] Dude.

[596] When the fuck did you get that?

[597] My eyes immediately went to this apparatus on your face.

[598] That guy from digital undergirl.

[599] Yes.

[600] My nose is big.

[601] It looks kind of funny.

[602] It hasn't stopped me from getting busy.

[603] I'm a freak.

[604] I love the girls with the booze.

[605] What a happy surprise.

[606] No kidding.

[607] Actually, when I saw the name, I was like, Ted, that's weird.

[608] I had a weird feeling about Ted.

[609] Yeah, well, you made a song out of it.

[610] You said, Teddy, are you ready?

[611] That.

[612] Aaron, you should know that the first one we heard, which was so awesome.

[613] And she was such a Michigan girl.

[614] She's in Wisconsin, but very Michigan.

[615] And she was on Zoom in her graduate class in college.

[616] And she was on mute or she thought she was on mute.

[617] And she was like, this fucking bitch is the worst teacher.

[618] She's the wrinkly as fucking woman.

[619] She says she's the wrinkly.

[620] She just let it rip on this woman.

[621] And she said that she felt so bad.

[622] But the only thing.

[623] that's ever made her feel better was hearing you on race to 270 and she's often thought about which is worse.

[624] That one is great.

[625] When I got in there, I said, oh shit, we forgot to talk to Aaron.

[626] And then I was like, oh, but I think he's still on vacation anyways.

[627] You must have just got back.

[628] Yeah.

[629] Where were you?

[630] We're in Michigan, Indiana, Michigan, Indiana.

[631] Your GPS kept saying, welcome to Michigan.

[632] Welcome to Indiana.

[633] Welcome to Michigan.

[634] Welcome to Indiana.

[635] Okay, so your story is, to my knowledge, the best one I've ever heard.

[636] It's very hard to beat.

[637] It's also, I think, some context things that are fun, is that you were brand new sober.

[638] Yeah.

[639] You're like, giving this a try.

[640] Yeah, so I'd probably been on a week's worth of Zoom meetings, and I was going every morning at 7 a .m. So there's a lot of factors.

[641] I was still smoking cigarettes, so that's a factor because when I woke up, I fucking just, coughed and coughed and coughed.

[642] You would never cough in front of someone the way I coughed by myself.

[643] Yeah.

[644] I want to know what it sounds like.

[645] I can close my eyes if you really want.

[646] Yeah, it was like you know, like a lot of like you're trying to push something out.

[647] You're the only person I'll really let it rip in front of.

[648] Like when you and I in a hotel room.

[649] I'm waiting for him to call the front desk.

[650] Absolutely.

[651] Because I do a thing where I go, like, I make a weird sonic thing to vibrate it lose.

[652] And I go, when we have rooms next door to each other, I love knowing that you're late.

[653] I'm like, oh, good, X is up.

[654] And it's like, yeah.

[655] Yeah, so first, you're on the Zoom.

[656] You think you're muted and all that.

[657] And then you're just letting it rip, trying to get everything out of your lungs.

[658] Yeah.

[659] So I woke up right before the meeting.

[660] So I logged on and thought I muted everything.

[661] And I took the laptop to the bathroom and began my ritual.

[662] It was a way worse ritual.

[663] It was that.

[664] And also blowing the nose is like 10 minutes.

[665] There's always something stuck in there.

[666] This is also before your nose surgery.

[667] Yeah, totally.

[668] Just the loudest blowing and then grabbing one nostril I'm trying to shoot it out in the sink.

[669] So I was like, and I was fucking cussing like crazy.

[670] So mad at everything that morning, like how bad I had to blow my nose.

[671] I couldn't stop coughing and clearing my throat.

[672] I was like, fuck.

[673] And I had fucking crazy explosive diarrhea.

[674] In the middle of all of this racket.

[675] I had to put down the toilet paper from my nose to get on the toilet.

[676] Oh, my God.

[677] The dog, Newman was a puppy.

[678] So I was on the toilet and he just kept trying to lick, you know.

[679] He just wanted to be in the toilet too.

[680] And I was like, get out of here.

[681] Get the fuck out of here.

[682] But the shits were crazy.

[683] When I think of it now, I think of your brother had a thing when we were traveling.

[684] He used to do he'd play a joke if we're in a public bathroom at a restaurant and you'd walk in.

[685] He'd be in the stall and he'd go, oh, God, they're just, this can't be happening to me. And then people would be like, oh, my God, it's like, okay?

[686] That's what I was saying, but meaning it, like, this can't be my life.

[687] I know exactly the state of mind you're in, which is you're inching closer to giving up on being alive.

[688] You can't get anything out of your lungs.

[689] You can't get anything out your nose.

[690] Now your fucking insides are coming out.

[691] And now I think of not knowing how Zoom really worked at the time.

[692] I guess I was hearing a lot of broken up people trying to talk, but my mic kept overpowering theirs.

[693] I don't think whoever was leading the meeting.

[694] knew how to mute other people.

[695] I don't remember the end of how you figured it out.

[696] You just looked over.

[697] I swear it was 10 minutes.

[698] In this particular meeting, the first 10 minutes is like reading and...

[699] Housekeeping.

[700] Yeah, yeah.

[701] So I was all done, flushed.

[702] I think I flushed for the fourth time.

[703] And I was like, oh, God.

[704] Probably one more, oh, God.

[705] Grab the computer.

[706] And I thought I was just.

[707] just going to hit the screen back on for the video, and I noticed that the mic was hot.

[708] And there was a crazy, fucking awkward silence.

[709] And I just slammed it shut.

[710] I didn't go back to that meeting.

[711] Yeah.

[712] I thought you heard laughing at one point, too.

[713] I heard a lot of things, yeah, that didn't sound like the normal reading.

[714] The best part is, though, is that he slammed the thing and didn't go.

[715] But then you did go.

[716] No, he didn't go back.

[717] I did go back.

[718] Yes.

[719] Yes, I want to.

[720] Wow, that's your commitment to sobriety.

[721] I am so impressed.

[722] Yeah, and then I thought, well, for sure someone's going to say something.

[723] No one forgot about what I had to put him through a week earlier.

[724] What's all I would have been thinking about if I was someone in that meeting?

[725] I hope this guy comes back.

[726] I do wonder if anyone at any point was thinking, should we call 9 -1 -1?

[727] Yeah.

[728] Like, is this guy fucking sees him.

[729] Dying, yeah.

[730] It sounds like everything's broken.

[731] Everything was very broken.

[732] I wonder what they were saying.

[733] I would give anything to hear that whole thing.

[734] God.

[735] It'd make me feel so much better about my own routine in the morning.

[736] I have to imagine.

[737] Everyone coughs different when they're by themselves.

[738] Monica, do you have a...

[739] Everyone's like expelling the nighttime.

[740] Buildup.

[741] Bullshit.

[742] Yeah.

[743] I have a lot of phlegm.

[744] So I do a lot of phlegm retrieval.

[745] Real price, Aaron.

[746] What would you pay to watch, Monica?

[747] Spy camera in her apartment go through her routine.

[748] A lot.

[749] Yeah.

[750] I'd kill to see it.

[751] Everything I have.

[752] I can start over.

[753] It's never too late to start from scratch.

[754] Well, there's a lot of buildup that happened.

[755] Like, yeah, boogers.

[756] But I don't have to blow them out.

[757] Mine are more sticky.

[758] Sure, sure.

[759] Aaron and I have, like, really hard, crusty things.

[760] Crazy.

[761] Yeah.

[762] You showed Aaron the elephant.

[763] Yes, yes, yes.

[764] Oh, God.

[765] I think that's one of the only things that's ever grossed Aaron out.

[766] Yeah, you said that.

[767] He's like almost threw up.

[768] Yeah, I did.

[769] I gagged.

[770] And you even were nice enough to warn me. I think I might even have been asked permission.

[771] You did.

[772] You didn't send it.

[773] You said, I understand if you don't want to see this.

[774] Of course, I'm like, how can I not see it?

[775] Yeah.

[776] An elephant shape.

[777] Yeah.

[778] It's shape like an element.

[779] I just will replay the sensation in my mind over and over again.

[780] And often, Kristen, they'll catch me staring into my Kleenex in bed.

[781] And I'm trying to hide it or watching TV.

[782] And I have it in my lap.

[783] bending the tissue so she can't see what's in there and then I'm trying to look at it as much as I can.

[784] Yeah, I look at that thing in the Kleenex and then I close it, open it, close it, open it.

[785] Then I'm kind of mad once it's kind of fucked up.

[786] Yeah.

[787] Oh, goodness gracious.

[788] Thank you how we found each other.

[789] Yeah.

[790] I looked at the elephant too, you guys.

[791] Yes, all of us.

[792] We found each other.

[793] It's a small group, I think.

[794] It's a very small group.

[795] Yeah, there needs to be a trigger warning perhaps before this one.

[796] I'll edit this one nicely.

[797] Elegantly.

[798] Elegantly.

[799] Yeah, exactly.

[800] Well, I love you, sweetie.

[801] I know, I miss you.

[802] I love you both.

[803] I'm so happy I got to be the last one to finish your day.

[804] Monica just played because I had sent her your version of, I'm a big boy, and I cry all the time.

[805] And I shouldn't cry all that much as I do.

[806] We played it on today's fact check.

[807] Yeah, it's on today's fact check.

[808] Vulner Boy's greatest hits.

[809] They keep coming.

[810] Oh, let's keep coming.

[811] Well, we love you.

[812] I love you.

[813] I'll talk to you tomorrow.

[814] Good trick, love.

[815] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[816] We don't have a theme song.

[817] Oh.

[818] Okay, great.

[819] We don't have a thing song for this new song.

[820] show so here I go go go we're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchair he's won't get some suggestions on the flyer rhyme dish on the flyer rhyme dish enjoy follow armchair expert on the wondry app amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on apple Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.