MFM Minisode 313

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome.

[2] To my favorite murder.

[3] The minisodes.

[4] We read you your stories.

[5] That's about it.

[6] That's how it goes.

[7] We also video them and show the fan called only.

[8] That's right.

[9] So if you want to see what our hair looks like right now, yours looks great, by the way.

[10] Oh, thank you.

[11] Then check that out.

[12] I was trying to do some air dry scrunching work because I need a haircut so bad that if it was any other way.

[13] it would show.

[14] Can I show you?

[15] One of the many fallouts of dyeing it, and then dyeing it pink, is this part right here broke off.

[16] Yep.

[17] And so now I have these little, because it was so dead that my like, what do you call that part?

[18] My baby hairs broke off.

[19] And so now I have these alfalfa, like, sprouts coming out of my fucking head.

[20] Guys, be careful when you dye your hair.

[21] We must be careful when we must take the wages of sin of dyeing your hair when it's like, well, remember the time that I think we were about to walk on stage for a live show and you go, what is this?

[22] And it was on the road, I'd gotten gray hair.

[23] So I just took my like eyebrow shaver and just went jit and just shaved off on my part, remember?

[24] Yeah.

[25] But then they started growing back.

[26] So it's the same exact thing where they were, but I did it to myself.

[27] they're growing straight up.

[28] Oh, I did this to myself, too.

[29] Yeah, taking a shaver to your head is probably not the solution.

[30] But you know what?

[31] Whatever.

[32] Short -term solution.

[33] We can argue short -term versus long -term solutions on the other podcast.

[34] We can and we must.

[35] All right.

[36] You want to go first?

[37] Do you want me to go first?

[38] Sure, I can kick it off.

[39] This one is, well, I'll tell you.

[40] Okay.

[41] I'm not going to read the subject line because, it kind of like just gives it all away.

[42] But I will, the first line, it just starts like this.

[43] Yes, this is a hometown jackpot.

[44] Compet.

[45] Hey, fam, you're the first podcast I ever listened to and one of the two podcasts I continued to enjoy.

[46] Wow.

[47] Mm -hmm.

[48] Thanks for being awesome.

[49] Let's get into this shit.

[50] We have a family cabin in Lincoln, Montana that my grandpa, a true visionary in providing opportunities for his family to hang out in nature and setting up a multi -generational appreciation for environmental conservatism bought back in the day.

[51] He had nine kids and spent nearly every weekend up there year -round, hiking, horse riding, dirt biking, fishing, hunting, you name it.

[52] My 40 -plus cousins and I get to enjoy it to this day when we can find the time, and it's the best way to remember my grandpa.

[53] And then in parentheses, it says, fuck COVID and everyone that downplayed it.

[54] Aye.

[55] Enough backstory.

[56] Guess who also had a cabin up there?

[57] Yes, as we all know, the Unabomber.

[58] Right.

[59] Everyone knew him as some kooky old dude that didn't like people or motors or noise or society in general, but there weren't any glaring indicators of homicidal bomber tendencies.

[60] He was the type of person that you smiled and waved out from a distance to stay cordial, but got the fuck out of there as quickly as possible right after.

[61] That gives you a sense of where you are and socializing with the Unabomber.

[62] Sure.

[63] Before the FBI figured him out, that dude was struggling to keep it cool in his little Montana hideaway.

[64] One winter weekend, my grandpa came to the cabin to find the front door chopped open and windows broken.

[65] Inside, there were axe marks all over the walls, beds trashed, things strewn about.

[66] All the snowmobiles were sugared, meaning someone literally dumped a bunch of sugar in the gas tanks, which ruins the motors.

[67] Wow.

[68] As the cherry on top, this dude walked past a perfectly functioning toilet to take a dump in the tub.

[69] Oh, wow.

[70] Uh -huh.

[71] And then it says, if you didn't think he was crazy before, there's your proof.

[72] After he got busted and his memoir came out, we learned that my grandpa and uncles had unknowingly narrowly escaped death by Unabomber on a few occasions.

[73] He wrote about stringing metal wire across popular motorcycle trails to clothesline riders, aka decapitate at motorcycle speed, and having young guys on bikes in the crosshairs of his rifle.

[74] Shit, I was a baby at the time, but spent plenty of time on dirt bikes with my dad, too.

[75] His janky booby -trap cabin was within sight of ours, so this all lines up.

[76] Holy shit.

[77] Right?

[78] I mean, that idea, he's just stringing wire from tree to tree just to, like, be a complete monster.

[79] It's so evil.

[80] It's horrifying.

[81] People move to backwoods -ass towns for many reasons, but oftentimes it's to get off the map.

[82] I took all of this as a lesson to not be an asshole to people, also, in your words, fuck politeness, lock your fucking door.

[83] And if you see something, fucking say something.

[84] I don't think that one's ours.

[85] I think that's the public transportation.

[86] That's the airport.

[87] Right.

[88] Thanks for putting out awesome content, giving me a reason to type an email I actually care about, and the opportunity to talk about my grandpa, hang loose, Ben.

[89] Wow, Ben.

[90] Ben nailed it.

[91] Yep, that is a close contact with a serial killer.

[92] like crazy.

[93] He's got his rifle on people just around his neighborhood.

[94] I mean, good lord.

[95] Wow.

[96] All right.

[97] Good one.

[98] Yeah, right.

[99] This one's called That Time I Defended and was followed by the legit Irish mob.

[100] A little long, but worth it.

[101] Hello, Georgia, Karen, pets, fellow murderinos, and Stephen.

[102] Steven.

[103] Say that.

[104] I wanted to tell you about one of my favorite experiences, aiding in the defense of an alleged.

[105] hitman for the Irish mob.

[106] When I was in law school, I studied abroad in Dublin, Ireland.

[107] Part of the program included an internship with an Irish barrister.

[108] I was going to say barista, and I absolutely didn't.

[109] I'm proud of myself.

[110] You did right after you.

[111] I did.

[112] The first day I met my barrister, he was nice, but I could tell he was sizing me up.

[113] I was a young, green, very innocent looking, and then it says actually far from it, girl from Middle America.

[114] He explained to me that he would not have a lot of time to mentor me because he was in the middle of a murder trial involving the Irish mob.

[115] Our client, will call him John, was accused, along with fellow co -defendants, of orchestrating a hit on someone that had wronged the mob with John being the actual freaking trigger man. As a lifelong murderer, I dived in.

[116] I poured over videos, police reports, anything can get my hands on, and sat through every day of trial as every day of trial I was there one month.

[117] About halfway into my internship, my barrister approached me, when I got out of the courthouse one regular seeming day.

[118] John wants to meet you, he said.

[119] Excuse me, I asked, more than a little shocked.

[120] My barrister shrugged.

[121] He said he wants to meet the American.

[122] We began to walk towards the holding area and approached the guarded, locked door of the room where John sat.

[123] I was screaming internally from both excitement and fear and just reminded myself, the mob won't hurt me if I'm helping them.

[124] Whatever works, right?

[125] Anyway, I sit down with John, who was the nicest guy.

[126] He thanked me for my work on the case, asked me about law school, my life in the States, and how I was enjoying Dublin.

[127] You know, normal hitman conversations.

[128] As our conversation wrapped up, I stood up to leave and he stopped me. John looked me dead in the eye and said, the pub you were at last night, he referenced the actual pub by name, isn't really safe that late at night.

[129] You may want to get back to your dorm room a little earlier, but don't worry too much.

[130] You have our protection while you're here.

[131] If you need anything at all, let me know.

[132] Did he know where she was and she hadn't told him?

[133] Uh -huh.

[134] I stared.

[135] Thank you, I stammered.

[136] He smiled.

[137] Keep in mind, this guy had been in jail for at least a year.

[138] My barrister asked me if I was okay since I was just told I was being followed by the Irish mob.

[139] I whipped around to him.

[140] Are you kidding me?

[141] That was fucking awesome.

[142] Ironically, I felt incredibly safe the rest of my trip.

[143] I had to leave before the trial was over, but my barrister informed me it ended in a hung jury.

[144] and John was not retried.

[145] John died a few years later when his car mysteriously blew up outside of his home.

[146] I will never forget the experiences I had in Dublin, this one in particular.

[147] Anywho, this story's been long enough.

[148] Thank you for all that y 'all do.

[149] It's been a gods in the last year, especially and a good way to decompress after a long day.

[150] I live in Oklahoma where I have been advocating abortion access in my spare time, and it's been extremely disheartening a lot of days, but I know it's important for my daughter's futures and to save the lives of everyone with a uterus.

[151] Fuck Oklahoma legislators, stay sexy, and remember, the mob won't hurt if you help them, K, she, her.

[152] I mean, first of all, thank you for your service and the fight for abortion rights, which we should not be fighting.

[153] We shouldn't have to be fighting.

[154] We should fight.

[155] I'm sorry.

[156] Yep, yep, that's what I meant.

[157] Thank you.

[158] Barista, barrister, fight.

[159] I'm against having the same rights as men.

[160] It's weird, I know.

[161] It's, you wouldn't expect it.

[162] Coming in, huh?

[163] No, no, sorry.

[164] But because I was thinking, I think in that moment, aside from that like, oh, creepy, I'm being followed, it took me a long time to go, oh, they have to watch her because she's now in the mix with them and their enemies.

[165] Yeah.

[166] So he doesn't want his own lawyer knocked off or anybody helping his lawyer.

[167] Right, right.

[168] All of the things.

[169] For some reason, it was like thinking she might be in danger from them, but it's actually, they actually know they have to protect it.

[170] Yeah.

[171] They're protecting her name.

[172] Totally.

[173] Keep an eye.

[174] Keep an eye.

[175] Intense.

[176] Yeah.

[177] See, that, that's a thing.

[178] I don't know.

[179] It's the mafia.

[180] It's just like a one -way street.

[181] It's just the one thing.

[182] Killing in revenge.

[183] Killing in revenge.

[184] Killing in revenge, killing in revenge until you die.

[185] Yeah.

[186] It's true.

[187] Yeah.

[188] It's rough.

[189] Please everybody watch the Sopranos.

[190] Truly.

[191] Don't make me explain the mafia.

[192] Watch the documentary of the Sopranos.

[193] Please.

[194] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[195] Absolutely.

[196] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[197] Exactly.

[198] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[199] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[200] That's right.

[201] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[202] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade, Shopify.

[203] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[204] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[205] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[206] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[207] Connect with customers in line and online.

[208] Do retail right with Shopify.

[209] Sign up for a $1 per month code is all lowercase.

[210] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[211] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[212] Goodbye.

[213] This subject line of this says, it says, sinkhole, final destination.

[214] And then in parentheses, it says, or final sinkhole destination.

[215] And then another parenthesis, it says, or final destination, sinkhole.

[216] Let's go with that one.

[217] Yeah.

[218] I like that.

[219] And then it says, hi, all.

[220] I grew up in Central Florida, where the only thing that wants to kill you more than murderers, pedophiles, and high school teachers is Mother Nature.

[221] Just an award -winning first sentence.

[222] Truly, truly beautiful.

[223] Beautifully set up.

[224] Okay.

[225] Lightning, tornadoes, microbursts, hurricanes, sinkholes, and dangerous heat.

[226] Truly the place that everyone should retire to for a quiet life.

[227] A bit of necessary background.

[228] The county I grew up in contains the winter strawberry capital of the U .S. Plant City.

[229] You visited an antique shop with Confederate memorabilia there on your way to the Orlando Lives show.

[230] Yes, I remember that.

[231] Remember that?

[232] Uh -huh.

[233] Oh, they're from Plant City.

[234] Okay.

[235] In the winter of 2013, the strawberry farmers used a lot more water than usual for unimportant reasons.

[236] The excessive water usage led to approximately 300 known sinkholes in the several months following the strawberry season.

[237] Unfortunately, one of those sinkholes formed in the densely populated town of Sefner.

[238] This sinkhole happened to collapse at night directly below the bedroom of a house, swallowing the homeowner and everything in the bedroom.

[239] His brother heard the collapse and ran to aid his brother.

[240] The brother contacted emergency services then jumped into the sinkhole in an attempt to reach the homeowner.

[241] After rescuing the brother, emergency services tried to use listening devices to locate the homeowner, but to no avail.

[242] The sinkhole started to expand over the following days, which effectively ended body recovery effort.

[243] Whoa.

[244] I remember this story.

[245] That is wild.

[246] 2013, it was a long time ago, but it was one of those first big, really awful, like, basically the earth opens up in the middle of the night.

[247] Like, how scared, and horrible.

[248] The house was condemned, the sinkhole was filled, and the site is considered too unstable for future development.

[249] And then it just says no shit.

[250] The sinkhole reopened two years later, and the site is now fenced off.

[251] Apologies for the length, and I hope this satisfies.

[252] your sinkhole curiosity, Nathan.

[253] And P .S. The high school teacher comment is based on a teacher from my high school who tried to hire a hitman to kill a quote -unquote rival teacher.

[254] What?

[255] The dude was a massive prick.

[256] Wow.

[257] Nathan's just going to end it on a cliffhanger, a second -story cliffhanger, and leave.

[258] Wow, that was a good email.

[259] Really good.

[260] Really good.

[261] Oh, my God.

[262] Yeah.

[263] The boys are bringing it this week.

[264] Yeah, you got the boys going.

[265] Hey.

[266] Swimming with convicts.

[267] It just starts, as my mom would say, hey -de -hody.

[268] I've been meaning to write this in for three years, but I am lazy.

[269] Anyway, here it goes.

[270] One of my favorite pastimes is listening to my mom, Kathleen, and her five siblings laugh until they cry, telling stories about their childhood.

[271] My mom grew up in Omaha, Nebraska, in a small, humble home.

[272] Her mom, Ricky, was a nurse, and her dad, Bill, was a post office worker.

[273] Every summer, they would take a big family vacation to The Farm in Rock.

[274] Rockwell City, Iowa, where my grandma, Ricky, was raised.

[275] Ricky would immediately time up the big family vacation with her siblings' family so they could all be at the farm together.

[276] My mom used to think the farm visits were for the kids to see their cousins, but it was definitely for Ricky and her sisters to dump the kids at the farm and forget about them for a week.

[277] Now, Rockwell City, Iowa is a small rural town with a current population of about 2000.

[278] Basically, all farmland, a public swimming pool, and one women's penitentiary.

[279] One day as my mom and her siblings were reminiscing on the time at the farm, she says, remember when we would go to the Rockwell City pool and the convicts would be there?

[280] She recalled that the cousins would run through the county fairgrounds to get to the pool.

[281] And on Tuesdays, Ladies' Day, a big penitentiary school bus would be in the parking lot.

[282] There would be guards surrounding the pool and all the inmates would be swimming.

[283] At the time, 1970s, my mom and her cousins, their parents and grandparents and the penitentiary thought nothing of convicts swimming with children.

[284] I like to joke that they had orange -striped swimsuits would play Marco Polo together and the kids would be jealous of no breaks for the inmates.

[285] But in reality, this was a common occurrence and it never crossed their minds that it was odd and quite frankly dangerous, question mark.

[286] Anyway, stay sexy and don't let your children swim with convicts, Helen.

[287] Side note, because you all love names, my grandma Ricky was actually born as an Eileen, but in high school she liked a boy named Ricky and so her friends started calling her that as a joke And it's stuck to the point where it's on her gravest.

[288] That woman was the coolest, Helen.

[289] Oh, Ricky.

[290] I love that.

[291] God, that's embarrassing.

[292] Isn't that funny?

[293] That's so embarrassing.

[294] It's her name.

[295] It's on her gravestone.

[296] Like, that is your name now.

[297] It must have really suited her.

[298] You know what I was also thinking, though?

[299] And it feels like an orange is the new black episode.

[300] But, like, to be in prison and then to get to go swim, like, whatever it was once a week or once a month.

[301] Yeah, you must, like, look forward to that all, all month or whatever it was.

[302] For real, just a little bit of, like, relief.

[303] God, yeah.

[304] And I don't have a, I'd go swimming.

[305] I mean, do I have a problem?

[306] Female convicts?

[307] Yeah, female convicts I'm not worried about.

[308] I'm not either.

[309] For them to allow that, it must have been low security or something like that.

[310] Yes.

[311] They weren't.

[312] Yes.

[313] Yeah, exactly.

[314] That's what I like to think.

[315] Right.

[316] Okay.

[317] I'm not going to read.

[318] the subject line of this one.

[319] Okay.

[320] Hello, everyone.

[321] Longtime listener, multi -time writer, constantly hoping my storytelling ability evolves to meet on -air standard.

[322] Congratulations.

[323] Hey, guess what?

[324] It's your birthday.

[325] Anyway, let's get to it.

[326] I'm a children's librarian in our small town, and then a parentheses that says, all librarians are murderinos can confirm.

[327] And my husband is a deputy.

[328] We're both in our early 30s, just trying to paint a picture for you.

[329] there are around 1 ,500 people in our town per the last census, so it's safe to say that everyone knows everything about everybody.

[330] One day recently, my husband and his work partners became our hometown heroes.

[331] It was around 4 in the morning when he received a call from someone stating their neighbor's house was burning down, and they thought the elderly neighbors were home.

[332] Immediately in all hands -on -deck situation, my husband and his partner took off, and their fellow deputy, who was also volunteer fire, was right behind them.

[333] Once they found the house, my husband began beating on the door trying to see if anyone was home slash awake slash conscious.

[334] After several attempts to get an answer, he decided to kick the door in because there were two cars in the driveway and he just knew that someone had to be in the house.

[335] When he kicked in the door, he was met by an elderly gentleman in nothing but his underpants standing on the steps.

[336] The man said, what are you doing?

[337] Oh, no. That's so my dad.

[338] What are you doing?

[339] To which my husband replied, sir, your house is burning down.

[340] What are you doing?

[341] Yeah.

[342] The man said he had to go upstairs and get his wife and get dressed.

[343] My husband and his partner followed desperately trying to get these modest elderly citizens out of their home before it crashed and around them.

[344] Oh, my God.

[345] The wife wouldn't get up for her husband.

[346] So my husband went in and told her it was definitely time to go.

[347] And she said, well, let me get my dressing gown and wig.

[348] This is where my husband lost his mind.

[349] They were all on this.

[350] second floor of a house that was on fire, and the fire was now one room over.

[351] Papa was still putting on his pants, and Mama was looking for a wig.

[352] My husband and his partner are both married and both have families and three kids.

[353] Today was not the day to take things slow.

[354] He told him if they didn't get moving, that he would move them, and he meant it.

[355] He would have picked them up and carried them out if it had come down to it.

[356] Thankfully, they came out.

[357] According to dispatch, the entire call was less than five minutes.

[358] My husband said it felt like ours.

[359] All parties involved are safe, but the house was declared a total loss.

[360] The town had a ceremony to honor my husband and his partner and the people they saved were there.

[361] The little old lady gave my husband a hug and told him that she loved him, and he won't admit it, but he got teary -eyed.

[362] Stay sexy and marry a man that can mule kick a door in, Kay.

[363] Yeah.

[364] I will.

[365] You should.

[366] I plan to.

[367] I'm going to test Vince.

[368] on that thing, that very thing.

[369] Wow.

[370] Kay ended that story with the most important part of the story.

[371] Right, right.

[372] Wow, he saved their lives.

[373] That's wild.

[374] He saved their lives while they fought him on saving their lives, basically.

[375] Totally.

[376] Oh, my God, that's so scary.

[377] It's insane.

[378] This one's just silly.

[379] It's called Short, Sweet, and Shrek.

[380] You guys ask for drunk parent stories, but I'm hoping this will work just as well.

[381] One of the fondest memories I have of my dad and I is when I was four years old and he took me to see Shrek in theaters.

[382] I remember it being a super beautiful day out with the sun shining as my dad, his friends, and I rode on the back of an open pickup truck along the rural roads of the small island we live on.

[383] Last summer, as the two of us were sitting on his porch, I decided to share how much that moment still meant to me all these years later, to which my dad promptly replied, oh man, I'm really glad you had a great time.

[384] I was on a lot of shrooms that day.

[385] Honestly, I'm so jealous he got to experience fresh Shrek for the first time ever, tripping balls.

[386] SSDGM, Naomi Shee Her.

[387] Look, that movie on Mushrooms.

[388] Oh, no. Can you imagine?

[389] Oh, I love that gingerbread man so much.

[390] Oh, God.

[391] That had to be terrifying.

[392] It must have been insane.

[393] It's like, yeah.

[394] Yeah.

[395] The Pousin' Boots part must have been amazing.

[396] Well, I think that's it for us, right?

[397] Is that it?

[398] Yeah, I think so.

[399] That was three each.

[400] Yeah, good job.

[401] Well, good job.

[402] Everybody sending these in.

[403] These emails are becoming excellent.

[404] Everyone is so good at it.

[405] You really are.

[406] Please send them in my favorite murder at Gmail.

[407] We really appreciate you.

[408] You're contributing.

[409] You guys are so smart.

[410] You're so smart and pretty.

[411] You're pretty, especially Nathan and the other boy.

[412] And also you're sharing your personal stories with us.

[413] We really love it.

[414] And you really appreciate it.

[415] You meal kick our hearts every week.

[416] The doors of our hearts get mule kicked right in by you.

[417] That's right.

[418] Okay, stay sexy.

[419] And don't get murdered.

[420] Goodbye.

[421] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[422] This has been an exactly right production.

[423] Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.

[424] Our producer is Alejandra Keck.

[425] This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.

[426] Our researchers are Marin McClashon and Gemma Harris.

[427] Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[428] Follow the show on Instagram.

[429] and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.

[430] Goodbye.

[431] Follow My Favorite Murder on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen so you don't miss an episode.

[432] If you like what you hear, rate and review the show.

[433] Visit exactly right store .com to purchase my favorite murder merch.