Jason Bateman

[0] Welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dax Sheppard.

[2] I just took a very deep medicinal cleansing breath.

[3] It's very guttural sounding.

[4] It was.

[5] I got down to my cockles and my coxics and I got and I just cleansed.

[6] And go ahead.

[7] If you're in your car or you're on a treadmill, take a nice deep breath because this is going to be an enjoyable ride.

[8] A doozy.

[9] A doozer.

[10] But before we tell you about our guests, I just want to, for a second, just say how much fun we had in Texas.

[11] Oh.

[12] Oh, my goodness.

[13] It was so special.

[14] It was really special.

[15] Austin and Dallas, they were so fun.

[16] The crowds were so, so fun.

[17] It was so, I don't know, humbling to see all the arm cherries gathered and they're all nice people.

[18] Not one of them is mean.

[19] No one threw a tomato at me or anything like that.

[20] Nope.

[21] They went bonkers when Monica came out.

[22] It was so exciting.

[23] And you.

[24] Well, whatever.

[25] They had to do that.

[26] And then a guy had a sign that was in love with Monica.

[27] And he was a baby.

[28] He was like a six foot four babe.

[29] He was a babe.

[30] He was a babe.

[31] And he took a jab at me, which was a very alpha move.

[32] So I really appreciated that.

[33] You really respected him for that.

[34] I did because the sign said, I love Monica the way Dax loves bragging about having an anthropology degree.

[35] I added the word bragging, but that was the gist of what he said.

[36] It was, I love Monica as much as Dax like talking about his anthropology degree.

[37] Yeah, so smooth move, X, Lax, really nice, yeah.

[38] And then he was really cute.

[39] And then when we talked to him after the show, he got even cuter for me. Yeah, he was really cute and sweet.

[40] Little young for you is a little bit of a hurdle.

[41] So he's a few years, my junior.

[42] A few years, junior.

[43] But you know what, if you were a man, you wouldn't think twice.

[44] That's true.

[45] Yeah.

[46] So I don't know if that's good or bad.

[47] I don't know if that's advisable.

[48] Anyways.

[49] Oh, we have, we sold out our September 22nd show in Brooklyn, but we've added a show and there are some seats left.

[50] So if you want to rally and party with other armchairs, go to our website, armchairexpertpod .com.

[51] And there is a link there to go get tickets.

[52] We would love to see you.

[53] And if you're in love with Monica, bring a fucking sign and let her know.

[54] You don't have to, you guys.

[55] For me, not for her.

[56] I enjoy seeing those signs so much.

[57] Our guest today is so talented, he's one of my, I mean, definitely top five comedians ever.

[58] He's so unique, right?

[59] So unique.

[60] He has a rare comedic sense.

[61] Yes.

[62] Sensibility.

[63] Sensibility.

[64] And I would label that shittiness.

[65] And we're going to talk about that with him.

[66] And he gave a really profound explanation of how it gets pulled off.

[67] It was fascinating.

[68] Yeah.

[69] He's also a good pal.

[70] He also directs one of my very favorite shows, Ozarks, which comes out season two, August 31st, on Netflix.

[71] Jason fucking Bateman.

[72] Enjoy.

[73] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[74] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[75] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[76] Armchair Xxper Is an upchair Are literally Armchair That's right Well, hi Jason Bateman, welcome to Armchair Expert Hi.

[77] Are we rolling, Jimmy?

[78] We all.

[79] That's an accent I can't do.

[80] You can't do?

[81] The problem is, is I could do a few different accents that are from disenfranchised non -white members of our community and Monica has been kind enough to point out that I just I'm not allowed to do that anymore which I now don't but it just blows for me because I can't do most of the white accents like the English the Scottish the Irish stuff that would be insensitive South Korean um you know they sound like cartoon characters well although the English ones also sound cartoon charactery that's kind of right but not quite as um racist racist and um oh it's the term i'm looking for where it's um overly caricatured um anyway it'll come to me you have the um you really do have incredible diction oh diction word recall you're very well spoken i was watching an interview of the uh with you the other day you were on some panel there were a bunch of hot shots i know you were being celebrated for something as you would hope And, like, you were kind of like, you weren't being asked any questions.

[82] Stereotypical.

[83] Oh, see, they'll come back.

[84] Sure, sure.

[85] We're going to need a lot of editing.

[86] It keeps sliding everything you say back 300 frames.

[87] Not young anymore.

[88] But you, listen, I was watching this, and it's useless to even bring it up because I can't remember.

[89] But it was legit was some hot shots.

[90] Like, I don't know if you remember being on a panel recently where it was like other hot shots.

[91] And they were getting a lot of questions.

[92] And I kept thinking because we're friends like, boy, is he bailed out mentally?

[93] Like is he now thinking like, God, I want to be on my way home.

[94] I got to pick up.

[95] Because I wasn't talking.

[96] You weren't talking.

[97] And then out of nowhere, it just, they racked to you.

[98] And you were on.

[99] And you just exploded out of the gates with this a very eloquent statement.

[100] And I just was blown away because in my mind, I was like, oh, he's got to be completely checked out right now.

[101] He hit.

[102] And relaxing.

[103] Yeah.

[104] But no, you had the afterburner.

[105] were just winding up.

[106] Sometimes I back into something that makes half sense.

[107] I tell you, it comes from having watched a lot of MSNBC.

[108] Uh -huh.

[109] There's some people, there's some smart folks on there.

[110] But you've also been getting interviewed at this point for 30 years.

[111] There's more.

[112] You're banging on.

[113] I don't want to expose your age.

[114] I'll be 50 in January.

[115] Right.

[116] You're knocking right on it.

[117] So it'll be, I'm coming up on 40 years.

[118] 40 years of being interviewed.

[119] So that's helpful.

[120] It is.

[121] If you can't pick up the cues of an interview in 40 years, you've chosen the wrong field.

[122] You know what the main thing, I think, not that anyone's asking for any tips, but I'm here to give up.

[123] We usually end with tips, but please start with it.

[124] In fact, somebody actually did ask me for one.

[125] This actor I was doing some interviews with, and she didn't think.

[126] he was doing very well.

[127] And I said, I said, you're doing great.

[128] What are you talking about?

[129] Don't, basically just don't overthink it.

[130] The first thing that comes to your mind as far as an answer goes, go with that.

[131] Let it out.

[132] Well, because you're going to need all the, all the other time kind of around it to make that thought even better.

[133] You could go on your instinct and then try to try to polish that turn out of that.

[134] Yeah.

[135] Either polish that turd or walk it back.

[136] Right.

[137] Have you Have you ever made a joke that was wildly misconstrued in an interview?

[138] Because I have a very specific one.

[139] I have on online interviews because there's no, there's no nuance, there's no sarcasm, there's no, where like it's written, you've filled out some questions or?

[140] Yeah.

[141] Yeah, like I'll get a, I'll get a question and then type an answer or ask somebody to type because I don't know, I don't know how to type.

[142] Sure.

[143] I can sort of peck a little bit.

[144] Yeah.

[145] But, yeah, all those sort of sarcastic or snarky or sly responses just sound like a dick.

[146] Well, maybe I sound like a dick all the time.

[147] Well, no, that's, well, your brand, your brand is shittiness.

[148] And I didn't create that, Arnett so accurately pointed that out.

[149] Which by the way I learned from Arnett.

[150] Sure, sure, sure.

[151] But you, you.

[152] Yeah, of all people.

[153] Right.

[154] Dr. Yeah, he is Dr. And by the way, Dax.

[155] You're doctor shit.

[156] This is why you always hang out with addicts worse than yourself so that you can always like, I'm not that shitty.

[157] Have you been around Bateman lately?

[158] But that's my point, right?

[159] You could say something shitty, but if you've got some kind of shit eating grin on your face, then you can kind of earn it back.

[160] Are you kind of innately have a glint to your eye?

[161] Like there's a sparkle.

[162] Those are contacts.

[163] Those aren't and they're not cheap.

[164] No, they must be diamond -based.

[165] But if ever there was a sense of humor that probably doesn't translate to print it's yours because mine doesn't quite often it doesn't and I think yours is even more sarcastic by the way it's my very favorite sense of humor in movies I can't get enough of your thank you I think I mean it's mine too and my mother is British and so that was always sort of my favorite sense of humor and then I didn't I didn't really have a chance to do it as specifically until I was given Arrested Development.

[166] I mean, there was some in the in the shows that I did beforehand, the sitcoms and stuff, but that brand of humor, that arrest of development, it's very small and it's soft and it's quiet and it's and it's shitty.

[167] Yeah, even when you drop down there just now, I put my armor on because I knew something was coming.

[168] Yeah, because you're the king of like, okay, so now what you're going to need to do is you need to get to pack that fat ass up and whatever mean thing you're going to say, you go down an octave.

[169] Yeah, but I guess the guy, the only way you get away with it is if you seem like a guy who is twice as tortured as the person that they're talking to.

[170] That's a great point.

[171] You may have a big fat ass, but you're not nearly as miserable as I am.

[172] You know, so there's like, and I don't know what that, what the math of all that is, right?

[173] Right.

[174] But somehow you have to look dumb and tortured and pathetic in the eyes as you're saying it.

[175] And to your point, a long -winded way to come back around to it is that you can't see those dumb eyes or that or that earnest or broken face in print.

[176] No. Or online or in animation.

[177] I mean, you have to, you're very reliant.

[178] on the on the artists in uh in animation yeah are you good at that i don't think so because all i'm doing at this point you would have a couple cartoons meaning you just map like where you are at professionally you do you have a couple cartoons that i'm missing well the the zootopia was a was did did well but i don't think i mean i'd love another whack at that i i did not know what i was doing the booth yeah i mean thank God, it was for such a great company.

[179] And they kind of had me covered downstream.

[180] I'm so stupid because I loved it.

[181] And yes, you're not stupid at all.

[182] I mean, there's, it's, it's not like Jason Bateman in Zootopia.

[183] It was like, we got it guy.

[184] You know, no, no, no, no. This is a Disney film and.

[185] Well, Disney is the star generally, right?

[186] Always.

[187] Yeah.

[188] I mean, look at, you know, I mean, like, you know, I mean, look at, exactly.

[189] She's not above title.

[190] And, and you would, you, you know, once you kind of dig in a bit, like, oh, well, she's, like, In fact, me watching it with the girls, is like, second, that sounds like K -Bell.

[191] And then she started singing and I'm like, no, that can't be K -Bel.

[192] I don't, I mean, how long have we been friends?

[193] And I didn't know she could sing.

[194] Right, she never sang to you.

[195] She's like, good God.

[196] I know.

[197] But yeah, but that was your first one, though.

[198] I guess I'm saying like, you know, most comedians, let me start by saying I'm terrible at it, which is why I don't have any of those things.

[199] As am I. I'm not good at it.

[200] I sound like I'm just leaving a message for someone.

[201] on their answering machine.

[202] I mean, seriously, like, we'll play it back.

[203] And it's like, I don't say, I don't, I don't even need a note.

[204] Let's just go again.

[205] So, look at us sitting here talking.

[206] Just a couple of, a couple of dads.

[207] Mm -hmm.

[208] Mm -hmm.

[209] What I'm curious about is because you started so young.

[210] There's so many things.

[211] I'm immediately met with the fact that I know all these tremendous stories about you that, of course, I will not bring up.

[212] I mean, you've had a real wild ride.

[213] Why don't you try and then I'll go, I'll have my hand on the buzzer.

[214] Okay, I mean, it's my hope that we'll leave here having heard just a bit of you in Leaf Garrett's fucking ski trip story.

[215] It's Laif, first of all.

[216] Okay, thanks.

[217] If he was here, he'd correct you and not in a shitty way.

[218] But I guess if you've got that name, I mean, there's a difference between Leaf and Laif.

[219] Yeah, but do you think I'm in the minority?

[220] Don't most people think it's Leaf Garrett, but it's not?

[221] I think you're probably right.

[222] How's it spelled?

[223] L -E -A -F.

[224] Oh.

[225] No. Ha!

[226] But there's Andrea and Andrea.

[227] Like, how would you know the difference?

[228] Right.

[229] Right?

[230] I have a hard time with all those names.

[231] And Lafe is no exception.

[232] How often do you get dakes?

[233] Dakes all the time.

[234] Every time I order a pizza or anything.

[235] Oh, Dake Shepard.

[236] That's racist.

[237] No, I'm allowed to do that one.

[238] No, that was stereotypical.

[239] It was Australian.

[240] I think I'm allowed to do that.

[241] Weirdly, I think I can do Australian, but I cannot do English.

[242] Really?

[243] I mean, you see, I said I think I can do Australian.

[244] Why don't you just say aluminium?

[245] Aluminium.

[246] No, you put in another vowel there.

[247] But that's just because he can't say that word.

[248] You should give him a different word.

[249] How about Gazalane?

[250] Oh, Gazelle.

[251] How about this?

[252] Thank you for calling Lisa for Spitzer.

[253] We now have two locations for all mail roast or press one.

[254] Stop.

[255] Stop.

[256] We're all heel horse press too.

[257] I swear that's how the message sounds like.

[258] That's a southerner that spent too much time in Melbourne.

[259] Flank you for calling.

[260] I could just watch your face turn as I was getting into it.

[261] That was me switching to another podcast.

[262] More, more.

[263] But I am curious because you started very young.

[264] The first time I say, of course, was on Silver Spoons.

[265] I loved Silver Spoons.

[266] We've talked about this before.

[267] Fuck, we should have brought that.

[268] I wrote a very heartfelt essay in seventh grade about Silver Spoons and why it taught such good family values.

[269] You what?

[270] You wrote an essay about your dissertation in seventh grade?

[271] A heartfelt essay.

[272] Like I thought this was the best show families could be watching in America.

[273] And I wrote a very long essay about it.

[274] In what year of the run were you referring to?

[275] I was only there for the first two, I think.

[276] Was it the first two?

[277] And then Alfonso -Rabreau came in.

[278] Well, I wrote this in 87.

[279] So what year was?

[280] I wrote dates now and I could, I could answer this.

[281] I think I was gone by then because I think I started.

[282] Oh, 19.

[283] Oh, no. I started it's your, I did it's your move.

[284] And then when, and then Hogan family, I think started in 86.

[285] So I think I was gone in like 85.

[286] And I very well may have written this while it was in reruns.

[287] You know, I'm not even positive.

[288] I was catching at first airing.

[289] Right.

[290] Suffice to say, I loved it.

[291] And then also people would tell me I'd look like Ricky Schroeder as a kid.

[292] which was a huge compliment.

[293] I loved getting that compliment.

[294] Yeah, he was good looking kid.

[295] He was good looking.

[296] He also wore a white swatch.

[297] He sure did.

[298] Yeah, and I were...

[299] I believe you could pop out the face on that bad boy.

[300] You could, you could swap the faces.

[301] Sure, you could.

[302] Depends on what kind of night you're going to have.

[303] What kind of signal you want to throw?

[304] But when you start...

[305] What kind of options were on the table?

[306] Yeah.

[307] Was he going in like teen nightclubs and stuff?

[308] I think he did pretty well.

[309] Yeah.

[310] He had a white 944, I believe, if memory serves.

[311] White, 944.

[312] And like 16?

[313] Yep.

[314] Turbo?

[315] He didn't go 928.

[316] That was the hot model when we were young.

[317] The 928?

[318] The risky business.

[319] That thing.

[320] Do you ever drive in one of those?

[321] Never.

[322] Those were muscular.

[323] Very heavy car.

[324] Front engine.

[325] Yes.

[326] V8.

[327] Which is only V8 at the time.

[328] I look at those sometimes online debating.

[329] I'll sell myself for a full afternoon.

[330] Then I need one.

[331] Oh, you should get one of those.

[332] And then I imagine trying to get it worked on.

[333] like some engine they only made for seven years there's no parts for it's not like they it's not like they're you know their boxer motor it's in every single car there's probably a trillion I'm just I just for saw myself on the phone with somebody in Austria you know asking let's hear that one let's hear that one okay think think Schwarzenegger yeah yeah well I was going to say I can only do Schwarzenegger go ahead that'll qualify all right I'm looking right now in the that's great I'm looking in the catalog all right they see that you do have the four liter v8 yeah and you need the carburetor well i've got good and bad news the bad news is there's eight individual carburetors for it no that's word i messed up that's the good news the bad news i only have six of them so i immediately went to that conversation i was like get another car but i do want one just from risky business they're pretty great for more armchair expert if you dare we've all been there turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains debilitating body aches sudden fevers and strange rashes though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios it's usually nothing but for an unlucky few these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter whose body was found at home by his son except it looked like he had been cremated or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings hey listeners it's mr ballin here and i'm here to tell you about my podcast it's called mr ballin's medical mysteries each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night follow mr ballin's medical mysteries wherever you get your podcasts prime members can listen early and ad free on amazon music what's up guys this your girl kiki and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[334] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[335] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[336] And I don't mean just friends.

[337] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[338] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[339] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[340] Just reminded me, I smashed Amanda's thumb in the fridge door yesterday.

[341] Oh, really?

[342] Yeah.

[343] And you say fridge door.

[344] think, oh, well, you can walk away from that.

[345] Something about these fridge doors.

[346] You've got an industrial fridge, probably.

[347] It's a heavy door, and it's got one of those little fronts that are built on it.

[348] You know, so it kind of like looks like the rest of the walls in the kitchen.

[349] Oh, a veneer.

[350] Yeah, it's created a lot of weight and a bit of an edge.

[351] Okay.

[352] Oh, okay.

[353] Yeah, you could cut a lot of paper, you know, the paper cutting machines.

[354] buddy the whole tip almost oh i mean it didn't it didn't it didn't cut i mean like it was but i don't know how she didn't lose the whole tip of her thumb oh my goodness and what was the sound she made um i don't remember i remember me me yelling baby like in a real pathetic way in a helpless way oh you were like warning her let me just ask you the mechanics of this did you slam it from a like well Well, I was angry at her.

[355] No, I'm kidding.

[356] I'm kidding.

[357] I'm kidding.

[358] So, yeah, so she was, I was leaving the fridge as she was going into it.

[359] And I kind of closed it as I was walking away.

[360] And as I was walking away, her face turned away from the fridge as she was putting her arm in the fridge to get something.

[361] It was just like a perfect storm.

[362] It's the kind of thing you'd see in a movie and go, that can't happen.

[363] Why did she turn her face the second she was inserting it in the...

[364] Exactly.

[365] it was just oh god anyway were the children present they were they were in the other room and and this is part of the miracle of Amanda she was able to to hysterically cry silently oh wow over the sink with the cold water rushing over it and and a bag of frozen blueberries on it um and and uh it took five minutes for the kids to come in and see that something was wrong what a beautiful mom No blood.

[366] There was a little, little, it was weeping from under the nail bed.

[367] Oh, oh, no. She's going to, she's going to lose the thumbnail.

[368] She's going to lose the thumbnail for sure.

[369] Oh, boy.

[370] And it's, uh, it's, it's, I'm really impressed you made it today.

[371] Right.

[372] Given that that that happened.

[373] Yeah, I should be at the ER.

[374] And that was Sunday, that was Sunday morning.

[375] This was Sunday afternoon.

[376] Sunday afternoon.

[377] Everything had been going smooth and relaxing.

[378] She had her sister and new baby over and, um, she was, she was, she wasn't getting enough attention, probably.

[379] That's it.

[380] Yeah.

[381] That's it.

[382] What about me?

[383] I can cry.

[384] Whoops, I made her cry.

[385] Right.

[386] But then you could come rescue her.

[387] Yeah, it's so nice.

[388] But I do want to ask you, when you started on, so first of all, your very first acting job, if Wikipedia is correct, it happens to be my single favorite cereal of all time.

[389] Probably eat more of this cereal than any other cereal.

[390] Golden grams?

[391] You got that right.

[392] You're going to put $200 on the board.

[393] Golden grams is up their life cereal is a real sneaky pleasure.

[394] It's a staple.

[395] What else is Ruggles?

[396] Oh, grape nuts is a sneaky pleasure.

[397] Okay.

[398] You tell me why you like great nuts and I'm going to tell you.

[399] Are you about to kick me out of here?

[400] Why it's a box of pebbles.

[401] A box of sand.

[402] I used to see the commercial and it was like a very real, like a hearty man in overalls with a like a flannel shirt on.

[403] And he would chop a tree down and then he'd just turn to his left and he'd eat a huge fucking bowl of great nuts on the chopped down tree.

[404] He should have turned to his left to dress camera and go, this is what's going on in your colon when you eat a bowl of great hats.

[405] It'll be like this 40 -foot tree running right through the lower GI.

[406] But it looked so good in the crunching in the commercial.

[407] The Foley work was off the charts.

[408] I don't know what they were popping in the studio, but it sounded so good.

[409] And I would give it a try like every six months because the commercial would get me. You weren't letting it saturate enough.

[410] Do you do an overnight brew, basically?

[411] You need to marinate them for.

[412] 12 hours.

[413] It's like making jam.

[414] Yeah.

[415] You just pour it in right before bed.

[416] And then when you wake up and it's just, then it tastes like a completely normal cereal.

[417] They might be out of business now.

[418] I haven't seen a lot of them.

[419] Great nuts.

[420] Right?

[421] Well, they're certainly not advertising the way they were.

[422] Well, they certainly lost that guy who was chopping down the trees to old age.

[423] He blew his owing out.

[424] To quote Tom Arnold.

[425] Too many.

[426] Yeah.

[427] What movie?

[428] True lies.

[429] Yeah.

[430] In the stall.

[431] It's coming full circle.

[432] Yes, Mr. Sheppard, I'm just looking right now through the catalog and I'm seeing that there are many spark plug options.

[433] I cannot recommend one particular spark plug.

[434] I would recommend that you order all of the spark plugs.

[435] So eight spark plugs times seven options, 56 spark plugs.

[436] It's amazing what happens to people's faces with a new accent, right?

[437] Their whole face changes.

[438] I'm assuming mine looked ugly.

[439] It looked different, not ugly.

[440] That's part of that animation Mindfield you have to watch out for, right?

[441] All those big faces and stuff that you don't want to do when you're acting, but you need to to get there.

[442] But they've also added a video component to most of these things to promote it.

[443] And then you're caught with a lot of egg on your face, right?

[444] Because can I see the face you would make for that fox?

[445] Was there one in particular?

[446] A lot of high eyebrows.

[447] Eyebrows got to go up high, bunny.

[448] Yeah, you look like the fox when you do it.

[449] And then I have to get down into like Arnettland.

[450] Oh, really, Bunny.

[451] Yeah, that kind of, that kind of, yeah.

[452] Arnettville.

[453] Yeah.

[454] So you go Silver Spoons and then Arnett.

[455] Uh -huh.

[456] So, okay, you did Golden Grams.

[457] That's awesome.

[458] And then you do Silver Spoons.

[459] You're a standout.

[460] You're on that for two years.

[461] And then they give you your own show.

[462] I want to know at that time, are you too young to even be aiming at, I'm going to be a comedian or a dramatic actor or neither.

[463] Did you remember thinking?

[464] Yeah.

[465] Because I feel like the revelation that you're hysterical, to me felt like a revelation.

[466] Like in Arrested Development, I think I was like, I know him.

[467] He's a good actor and I've known him since I was a kid.

[468] But I didn't know he's a comedian.

[469] In fact, I think the first time I saw you in a comedy was Dodge Ball.

[470] Was that all overlapping with Arrested Development?

[471] Yeah.

[472] That was like on a lunch hour from Arrested or half a day.

[473] Yes.

[474] And when you first popped on screen, I was like, wait, this doesn't make sense to me. It's all straight comedians in this movie.

[475] And then there's Jason Bateman.

[476] And then about four sentences later, I was laughing really hard.

[477] And I'm like, oh, my God, he's super funny.

[478] But that, I imagine took some convincing.

[479] What, Dodgeball?

[480] Yeah.

[481] Talk about the dashboard smoking on that one.

[482] I had no idea what kind of tone they were going for with that one.

[483] And I had to say, you know, what is this too much?

[484] Are you sure this isn't too much?

[485] He's like, no, no, no. Let's put a neck tat on.

[486] You're giving me signals now.

[487] And that was Rawson's first movie.

[488] I think so, yeah.

[489] So you've done those great, was it Reebok commercials with the linebacker that was not Tate?

[490] Yes, I know what you're talking about, but I'll never remember.

[491] Yes, he had had some success in the commercial world.

[492] But still, you must be, have he never seen anything of the persons?

[493] You're also probably thinking, oh boy, I'm really going for it.

[494] and there's really no way to know whether or not.

[495] Yeah, but there were...

[496] I mean, you got Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller and that and you're like, I'm lucky to be there.

[497] Yeah, and I guess that's true.

[498] But I do remember reading that, you know, apparently the Coen Brothers, the only actor they never got along with well as Nick Cage, you know, this whole thing.

[499] Is that right?

[500] Yeah, they infamously did not.

[501] That's why he's never returned to another.

[502] Really?

[503] You know, everyone returns to those movies that they work with.

[504] But they infamously hated each other.

[505] Really?

[506] I love that movie It's my very favorite of theirs It's my number one comedy of all time I wonder what their problem was What the standpoint was Well I can tell you both people's problems Because I've since read a lot of interviews About that topic in Nick Nick Cage's argument Which is very legit is that He said everyone after me Had the benefit of raising Arizona All he had was Blood Simple Which was a great movie But it was not this crazy heightened world That somehow works believably.

[507] So he's like, I didn't know if I could trust these guys.

[508] And it was so crazy.

[509] And his outfit was crazy.

[510] And his hair was crazy.

[511] And his tattoo of the road.

[512] You know, so many, again, red flags.

[513] Right.

[514] And so that was his complaint.

[515] So he was, they were asking him to go along with their plan.

[516] And he was nervous, which I get.

[517] To be, to be big or to live in the big world.

[518] I mean, imagine shooting that fight scene in the trailer and like, wait, so you're putting the camera and it's going to spin around and then someone's going through the wall into the toilet and you know watching john goodman like i bet it was all right and you've never seen it they they created a paradigm that that movie didn't exist until that movie i do remember watching that going oh wow yes the sequence when he steals the huggies right was the very first time as a young person i was like something's happening different with the mechanics of this filmmaking like i've never seen anything like this when he goes through the window of the truck and all that and the dog's point of view running through the house.

[519] Barry Sonnenfeld, right?

[520] Yeah.

[521] And then now from their point of view, apparently Nick, his character was obsessed with time, I guess because he had been in prison a bunch or who knows why any of us think these things are important.

[522] But his character was obsessed with time.

[523] And he insisted on having this watch.

[524] And I guess he checked the watch, like throughout every scene, every take, all the dialogue, he's just constantly checking his watch.

[525] So I totally understand why he was nervous because he'd never seen anything.

[526] They had never done anything.

[527] Right.

[528] And then from their point of view, he was obsessed with time and he kept checking his watch the whole movie.

[529] Right.

[530] And they couldn't get him to stop checking his watch.

[531] And I guess it was hard to edit because he's checking.

[532] And once you know that, you give it a rewatch and you do see him looking way more than you noticed in the past.

[533] He is all over that watch.

[534] We got to watch that movie again.

[535] Yes.

[536] So that was their issue.

[537] But did you think, who were you aiming at?

[538] Were you aiming at anyone?

[539] Do you have that kind of?

[540] When I was a little kid, I was, I was dumb and arrogant enough to think that I was, where I wanted to go was be a character actor.

[541] I wanted to be Dustin Hoffman, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino.

[542] And then, and then frankly, I started getting like kicked out of schools for being a wise ass.

[543] And I was like, oh, maybe I'm kind of funny, you know, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, uh, audition started coming for, you know, guest spots on TV shows and then ultimately the, uh, uh, pilots and, and, and, you know, like silver spoons and, and, and, and, you know, I'll, I'll, you know, I'll, I'll, I'll just kind of be a smart ass on film.

[544] Yeah.

[545] And, and, and then, thank God, I kind of had a bit of, Well, maybe I'm young enough, I'll sort of try to build up some sort of notoriety or success or capital or access or whatever it is, relevance in this lane and then diversify that into, I'll be De Niro later kind of thing.

[546] But through the side door, you know, right.

[547] I'll be able to ask for a dramatic role or something like that.

[548] Which ironically is what happened, but it certainly didn't happen on the timeline you were thinking it was going to.

[549] And were it not for arrested development would have never happened at all.

[550] In fact, there was a big gap there in the 90s where I was working, you know, I was making, you know, a decent living.

[551] Yeah.

[552] But nothing as high profile or as lucrative as the 80s.

[553] Yeah.

[554] And was pretty close to kind of out of the business.

[555] Well, and then and then along came arrested and, you know, I had a great appreciation.

[556] appreciation for a new moment, you know, and didn't want to disrespect it.

[557] Yeah.

[558] And I remember early into meeting you, or maybe you told me this in Bora, which we'll get to because you and I had that.

[559] A great honeymoon there.

[560] We had something that most people never get to share in their life, which is like four straight weeks on an island together.

[561] It's pretty great.

[562] Ridiculous.

[563] And I didn't even have to go to work.

[564] You had to go to work occasionally, not a ton.

[565] If you want to call it that.

[566] Yeah.

[567] But you said at one point, and I want to get the wording right.

[568] because I always think about it is that there was a period where it's like you need a name to get roles, right, and that you at some point were weirdly you had a name, but then that was the problem.

[569] Yeah, that was a hindrance.

[570] Yeah.

[571] And I had never even considered that because my thing was so opposite of yours that like all I wanted it was that.

[572] Like, oh my God, I've known that name Jason Bateman for 30 years.

[573] And then you just pointed out.

[574] out there was a good 10 -year period where that was a deal breaker for people.

[575] It didn't even matter if you went in and crushed an audition.

[576] There was the conversation like, oh, do we want Jason Bateman for this?

[577] Yeah, because with that comes a certain amount of history or perception that might be counter to the product we're trying to sell, right?

[578] I eat like single camera comedy was was was coming into into vogue in the in the 90s um and i was known for a multi -camera comedy right sitcoms right so that was a problem and plus just the whole sort of thing of not being fresh you know there's something really attractive about having somebody who you would not seen before and yeah well we've seen him we know him certainly the the people in the community you know the people who are running the networks and the heads of casting and like yeah no we get it but um Yeah, you weirdly feel like you're inheriting all this branding almost.

[579] And you're trying to launch an entirely new show.

[580] Right.

[581] By them hiring you with that comes something that is almost inherently tired, right?

[582] Right.

[583] As opposed to in other professions, like, oh, well, that's credentialed and that's experienced.

[584] It's actually a detriment in this business.

[585] at times, you know, not to sound pissed off about it at all because I'm happy with, you know, I have no regrets, but it was frustrating at that time.

[586] Like, well, I can't, I've been working hard.

[587] I'm, I, but I guess I have to apologize for, for, for that.

[588] It's, it's, it's in my way.

[589] And then, you know, fortunately, I, I got a chance to to do it again.

[590] Now, do you think, like, had the, if it was just the TV shows, probably, would have just continued rolling.

[591] Is it Teen Wolf, too, that, like, put some stink on you?

[592] At the time, I think I was not as savvy, or my head was not up out of the sand enough to know that that was a bad thing.

[593] Only later did I see, oh, that's in the long list of things that just aren't great about the stuff that I've done.

[594] And it might be at the top of the list.

[595] And then fortunately now, it's sort of in sort of a separate category of kitch.

[596] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[597] Fortunately, there's a there's a stinker in my past that I was able to live through.

[598] And now it's it's fun to talk about.

[599] Well, and also I say this about you all the time, both to your agent who I'm friends with, anyone who will listen.

[600] I've never watched someone navigate an opportunity as well as you navigated a rest of development.

[601] and I think that came from having learned the hard way.

[602] Yeah, yeah.

[603] Because when you were on Arrested Development, all of a sudden everyone there had some opportunities, right?

[604] Yeah.

[605] You were going, no, no, make me the fourth lead of many things, which I, did that take?

[606] Because you were certainly getting offered the leads and things, right?

[607] Was that hard to turn down and to stay the course of like, you know what, I'm going to do it differently, this go -around?

[608] It wasn't, it wasn't difficult because the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, not the pain, but it was still very fresh in my mind that what my name means to my ability to get employed is not helpful.

[609] And I need to do something to help kind of reconstruct, rehabilitate what, what that name means.

[610] Right.

[611] So I need to have that name associated and be adjacent to better, more credible names.

[612] And so let me work in things.

[613] If I'm invited with people who are, you know, to put it, to oversimplify it, cooler than me, that have more credibility that are more artistically viable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[614] So, yeah, if I'm invited to be in a, in a prestigious project, great.

[615] I mean, I'll pull cable.

[616] stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare while you were doing because you were in the breakup I'm trying to think of the many things that you did in that period which was so smart of you because yeah you had four scenes you had to worry about and you consistently stole whatever four scenes you were in not that you were aiming to do that but I would leave these movies in fact when I think of smoking aces which by the way if people haven't seen smoking You must, not just because it's a great movie, but you, you, you, you have this reoccurring throat nodule thing or something.

[617] What is it you have?

[618] You have neck aids or something.

[619] That's what it is.

[620] It's probably a human papillomavirus down there.

[621] It's going to turn cancer.

[622] I don't smell good.

[623] You kids, no matter how much you brush your tea, it's coming from deeper than that.

[624] Yeah.

[625] It's, um, the, yeah, I had, uh, had some, nodules on my vocal cords during that week and I had to get those removed after shooting, but it ended up working out well for this degenerate lawyer I was playing.

[626] I don't think I was anything funny or it's almost like, you hear about people pulling their teeth for rolls and shit like that.

[627] People should give themselves vocal modules because you couldn't have done what you did in that movie without a real impairment to your throat.

[628] Joe Carnahan was, he had a great idea to put what looked to be a herpy on my lip.

[629] It was basically like a hamburger.

[630] Yeah, that played nicely with the vocal quality.

[631] Oh, it really did.

[632] I mean, in real life, yeah, it was just nodules or whatever you said.

[633] But your character definitely had HPV on their voice box.

[634] Yeah, we were trying to communicate that my guy had been up for a few days.

[635] Boxer's shorts and a dress shirt, a hamburger, and vocal papalona, or whatever it's called.

[636] Pamplona.

[637] Vocal.

[638] Local palpopus.

[639] Peloposis.

[640] Oh my God, that made me laugh so hard, though.

[641] But when you had this second chance, you're definitely saying no to some money, though, right?

[642] Aren't you getting offered like some leads and shit?

[643] You did it.

[644] You really, you took your fucking time.

[645] It's really admirable.

[646] I'm so greedy and impatient.

[647] I don't remember any like, oh, good God, we're walking away from a huge check here.

[648] I don't ever remember it being a difficult decision.

[649] Right.

[650] But I do remember trying to, at some point the equation of respect will equal longevity as opposed to fame or fortune.

[651] Right.

[652] That we got to build a foundation here.

[653] We got to pour the cement before we start.

[654] Let's put some rebar in there.

[655] Yeah.

[656] They're very bad news.

[657] I'm looking at the catalog right now and seeing that you need rebob for this.

[658] It's the only car ever made with Rebob.

[659] Promise I'll only bring that back one more time.

[660] Yeah, no, it'll be back.

[661] It'll be back.

[662] He's in a revolving door entering his skyscraper.

[663] But you did get lucky, though, at one point, because one of these smaller roles, which you did for no money, happened to be Juno.

[664] Yeah, good point.

[665] Yep.

[666] That worked out well, right?

[667] Yeah, that, that, that, that, um, that, that, that, that, I was not super keen or eager or aggressive to grab a hold of until it was clear that my firstborn was colicky.

[668] And then I did, I went ahead and finished the script and then asked, asked my manager where it shoots.

[669] He confirmed it was out of country.

[670] And for about three weeks.

[671] And I said, let's go, let's go ahead with this.

[672] one.

[673] So you were just dodging a colicky baby.

[674] Yeah.

[675] She was not comfortable.

[676] That way because you would think you would be penalized for making that decision.

[677] But in fact, you were rewarded for it.

[678] Well, you know, and I put it all in an account for her.

[679] Okay.

[680] You know, you made sure that anything I made on that movie would go towards my beloved angel.

[681] Right.

[682] Um, who worked through the abdominal kinks.

[683] Uh -huh.

[684] She's come out the other side.

[685] Oh boy.

[686] She couldn't be more beautiful and spunky.

[687] We were just on a camping trip together.

[688] And I was like, okay, she got your sarcasm.

[689] She's funny.

[690] I love her.

[691] Yeah, she was really cracking me up.

[692] She was like giving you a ton ofitude at certain moments.

[693] But all within the zone of it was funny enough.

[694] I was looking at her yesterday and we'll digress for a second of parental sappiness.

[695] But I started to well up just looking at her.

[696] Doesn't that happen with you?

[697] Like I just, I didn't think I'd ever be that soft.

[698] But kids now, like I cry in commercials.

[699] Yep.

[700] They really do melt all that.

[701] I'm not going to be good.

[702] when they go to college.

[703] I seriously will be that pathetic, you know, I'm not going to be okay with being an empty nester.

[704] It's going to be deep, deep sorrow.

[705] Maybe we could start like an empty nest dad's club or just start adopting children.

[706] Oh, okay.

[707] Yeah.

[708] That's an option, I guess.

[709] Yeah, I just want to keep the assembly line going.

[710] Uh -huh.

[711] But she's so fucking cute right from day one.

[712] And she's really just, she's holding the line because my kids are really cute right now, but I am very scared that it's going to turn i think you're stuck with a couple of real butes you think so yeah i don't think you can get away from that but weirdly and i don't even know if i've told this to you but you've been really instrumental in my own life because a let's get right to borah borah bore you you did a movie my wife and you did a movie in borah borah called couples retreat and um i was just there exercising and writing and stuff um and bell and i i guess were together for maybe a year at at that point.

[713] You and Amanda and Bell and I kind of potted off and played a lot of scrabble.

[714] Yeah.

[715] You're the slowest Scrabble player in the world as I remember.

[716] You know, I don't want to make any mistakes.

[717] No. You didn't.

[718] You didn't make any.

[719] Well, we never finished one either.

[720] But there is no beat, listeners, there's no beating your host in words with friends or Scrabble.

[721] Oh, is that how it is?

[722] You're fantastic.

[723] Oh, oh, you're the host.

[724] I thought you were saying when you invite someone to play, you're obligated a sandbag.

[725] And then I had invited you and I should have said that you've got some real, real word skills.

[726] So, but at any rate, at a certain point, you, you pulled me aside and you're like, you've got to marry this girl.

[727] I told you that.

[728] Do you remember that?

[729] I don't.

[730] Probably not.

[731] I mean, I don't doubt that I said it.

[732] Let's start with, she's a real catch that one.

[733] She is.

[734] Let's start with some prerequisite knowledge.

[735] Do you have a good or bad memory?

[736] Terrible.

[737] Terrible.

[738] Okay.

[739] But you can give me a page of dialogue and I can turn it around in a few minutes.

[740] step back.

[741] Yeah.

[742] I did.

[743] I've in my real life given you a page of dialogue.

[744] And you, and I get it close.

[745] No, no. You just smack it right out of the park.

[746] That's a useful take.

[747] What's that?

[748] Kristen too.

[749] Exact same thing.

[750] She has no memory for anything in life, but she can do that same.

[751] She's the same skill.

[752] In fact, I think you guys would make a great couple in general.

[753] I think I'd say me and Kristen.

[754] Yes.

[755] I'd say of all the people she's ever worked with or friends with, she's in love with you.

[756] And I say that in a positive way and I've thought yeah I think they'd make a good couple that's again I'm I don't want I that is a that is a huge compliment I like to ask most guests if they want to fuck my wife at some point well I think these are two different questions I'm happy to sidebar this with you later but listen to think the reason the reason that I think Kristen and I would do quite well and something we'd love to talk to you about is that she But like my wife is a great friend.

[757] And I feel like, you know, you break up with girlfriends, but you just, you never break up with a buddy.

[758] Yeah.

[759] And that's what I thought about before I married Amanda, you know, I was like, well, and you guys had been friends for years, right?

[760] Yeah.

[761] Which is kind of unconventional.

[762] Rarely do I think that works, but in your case, it works.

[763] You prefer the arranged stuff.

[764] I like it.

[765] Yeah, if I were, if I were ranking them, it would go arrange to be.

[766] Swipe left.

[767] No, it gets like knocked up.

[768] style you've impregnating a range shotgun and then maybe to keep someone quiet because there's been a murder and you can't you can't testify against your that's blackmail yeah way down the list because I'll hear these stories I'll have female friends that are like I don't know I just woke up one day and I was like I'm in love with Brad we've been friends for 15 years and I and I'm like I don't trust that I feel like your options ran out right there are Well, there's definitely part of that with Amanda.

[769] But I knew when she and I started becoming friends that she was definitely not somebody I could mess with.

[770] Like, I got to make sure I get things tightened up and get the whole sort of, quote, girlfriend stuff out of my, you know, balls.

[771] And then if I can get it all together to match her.

[772] You had to win her, basically.

[773] You had to become a guy that was worthy of her.

[774] She was, she would be, it would be, it would be marrying a, a co -equal and having the balls to do that.

[775] I think a lot, a lot of fellas will sort of take, you know, well, here's somebody's not going to give me a lot of bullshit.

[776] Right.

[777] You know, that's a mistake.

[778] And you and I have chosen another path, which is this woman's going to ride my ass up and down the flagpole.

[779] Yeah, I got to keep it all together.

[780] Otherwise, I'm either going to get run over or kicked out.

[781] Right.

[782] And we need that.

[783] We need a, we need a realistic threat, don't?

[784] way to keep our shit together.

[785] Well, I think otherwise it's tough to respect to anybody, male or female, you know.

[786] So it kind of puts the burden on you to keep your room clean.

[787] Yeah.

[788] I like knowing that she has a lot of options.

[789] Yeah.

[790] Like if I fuck up and I'm out of there, like maybe a week's going to go by before she probably has someone better on the hook.

[791] Right.

[792] She doesn't need you.

[793] That's right.

[794] That keeps me honest.

[795] Right.

[796] But yeah.

[797] So you guys were friends forever.

[798] And then this is what I really.

[799] want to talk about because you and I are both ex -scumbags right well I think you you're much better at it than I am I think I think you I think your list oh you mean sexually speaking yeah I mean I thought I thought I was doing okay okay and then and then there's guys like you oh jeez you're just a world -class swordsman okay no I mean like you're a real you're a real guy you're a real oh geez no but you're a free time on I don't think anyone's ever called me a stud, you know.

[800] Oh, definitely.

[801] No way.

[802] Yes, Bell.

[803] I'm telling you, Bell thinks you are as hot as it gets.

[804] Oh, really?

[805] 100%.

[806] I'm that like, kind of, oh, he's fun.

[807] No, no, no, no, no. You're a, you're a man. Look at the back on you.

[808] Get up for a second.

[809] I mean, I didn't listen.

[810] I didn't get a, I didn't get a tattoo until a couple years ago.

[811] And they're my kids names.

[812] Okay.

[813] That's a panty dropper.

[814] Kids names on a dude.

[815] No, but I, Sex society.

[816] Let's also just admit we're both in the same category, presumably, where they're, because we have friends.

[817] You and I have a mutual friend where the women do just want the sexual encounter.

[818] Anyone who's hooked up with me was expecting a couple hours of entertainment post -coital.

[819] It was the sense of humor that led the charge.

[820] I think it can be a great tonic, yes.

[821] But you and I are both friends with Bradley Cooper.

[822] And there is just a legion of women that would be totally satisfied if he second, after the coitus, they heard the door slam.

[823] They'd be like, that's fine.

[824] They got their money's worth.

[825] I got exactly what I want.

[826] But what they might have been surprised with is that the guy can make you laugh too.

[827] That's true.

[828] He's a great cat.

[829] He's a great cat.

[830] Listeners, if you're wondering whether you should pursue Bradley, you're kind of on the fence about it, we highly recommend it.

[831] You're like 49 % there, whether you want to be the sexiest man alive.

[832] Go for it.

[833] Yeah.

[834] Tip it over to 51%.

[835] Not wasting your time.

[836] I guess one of my My bigger point on the scumbaggery is that you really, you really like to snort that white.

[837] There was a period right where you like to get it white.

[838] Oh, there were plenty of things I'd like to do.

[839] Listen, when I was not busy in the 90s working, I had to fill my time, my evenings.

[840] There was no reason really to get up early in the morning and get to work.

[841] Right.

[842] So, yeah, and that's some catching up to do.

[843] You had an appetite, right?

[844] I was good at it.

[845] I enjoyed it.

[846] Yeah.

[847] Yeah.

[848] It was a lot of fun.

[849] And there was, there was, there was some, uh, there were some, uh, there were some funds I had accrued in the 80s that I had, I had, uh, guys, let's all take a trip here or, you know, so there was.

[850] Well, that brings us to Leif.

[851] Leif.

[852] Lyef, Laif Gere.

[853] Yeah.

[854] So life.

[855] Life dated your sister.

[856] Leif dated Justine for a few years.

[857] And he and I had a lot of fun.

[858] Um, I think we have more fun together.

[859] We definitely had more fun together.

[860] We definitely had more fun.

[861] together after that but we got to know each other while he was dating her and just like any little brother you know you kind of look up to your sister's friends certainly your sister's boyfriend you know like he's a stud what's the age gap um justine and i are three years and i think layf might be another year older than that maybe okay great i think something like um he's a solid four grades ahead of you had he gone yeah yeah um so uh so he and i started hanging out a little bit after they stopped dating and we just you know as a kid say we just got after it um and uh layf knows his way around a pair of skis too so we went on a nice ski trip that's what i like is that you took it on the road we took it on the road layf and i went ahead and rented a 40 foot bounder we weren't interested in a motor home for you guys well you know they had the 35 but we figured you know a couple of men means yeah well we want the queen size bedroom and the back.

[862] And we threw our mountain bikes on the roof.

[863] Oh, fuck.

[864] We had, you know, all you can handle on the inside as far as refreshments and food.

[865] We had a couple of case logic boxes of CDs.

[866] And we went down to.

[867] How would you say is the, the true, how many drugs are you traveling with?

[868] Like enough to go to prison, do you think?

[869] Oh, boy, what?

[870] I don't think so.

[871] Are you optimistic and you thought you'll get things when you arrive at these different places?

[872] I think it was more that.

[873] Memory is not fantastic on this subject.

[874] Largely because of this ski trip, probably.

[875] Probably in the altitude.

[876] You're killing brain cells as you're driving.

[877] How old were you on this trip?

[878] Oh, I want to say early 20s.

[879] Oh, perfect.

[880] In the binder.

[881] So that, Jesus, that's a long time ago.

[882] So, yeah.

[883] Are you glad you did that?

[884] Oh, yeah.

[885] And we went from L .A. to Mammoth, Mammoth to Tahoe.

[886] Tahoe to Sun Valley, Sun Valley to Jackson Hole.

[887] Jackson Hole to Aspen, Aspen to Snowbird, and then from Utah back home.

[888] That is a skier's paradise that trip.

[889] We did real well.

[890] That was a lot of fun.

[891] It was a couple weeks.

[892] And did you ever, because I would often.

[893] plan these ski trips and then first night out in that little village get so bombed that I was physically incapable of snowboarding the next day.

[894] I just fly all the way to fucking Colorado and never even make it on the slopes.

[895] I did that.

[896] I had a European version of that.

[897] I was going to do like a train kind of a loop or W right through Europe and started in Amsterdam.

[898] And I figured we'd stock up there, right?

[899] Have a couple days doing some shopping.

[900] And it was a Queens Day.

[901] is the birthday of the queen, who's been dead 300, 400, 400 years now.

[902] And it is about a three or four day festival.

[903] I think it's in April.

[904] And the streets are as packed as Times Square on New Year's Eve.

[905] Wow.

[906] But it's like four square miles of that kind of shoulder to shoulder thing for four days, day night, day night, day night.

[907] And so I spent all my fun tickets there in like 48 hours and just, just told the fellas, I was just going to go home.

[908] And they went on without me and I flew home.

[909] That's another unique thing I was hoping to bring up on this thing is your ability to pull the cord.

[910] It's unique.

[911] I've got some sharp scissors.

[912] Yeah.

[913] Almost no codependency from you, right?

[914] You're one of the few people that's.

[915] I think because I was so codependent when I was young, like I got married to a lot of things, not the least of which was what I thought I was.

[916] sure that was the big one that was a very painful sort of correction and what were you at that oh I just thought I was just the best thing ever yeah like there's just a superiority complex you just had you been able to venture into my head you would have been like boy 72 and breezy wall to wall and then you know the reality of the storms started coming in uh right around the early 90s And it was like, okay, well, I guess I got to spend some time kind of rebuilding a more justified and substantiated ego, which meant kind of starting over.

[917] But you kind of answer the question because quite often I'll say, like, had you given me, I'm amazed when these actors succeed with success at that age.

[918] Because if you would have given me the things you had at your age, I would have done exactly what you did and probably even worse.

[919] and it would have my ego there's no way I would have been I was popular in seventh and eighth grade that's that was it those were my two big years and I was insufferable in those two years those are tough years you were you were the guy people hate in seventh and eighth right because there's like three people that that weather junior high well and they make it hell for everyone else well I got I got laid you know I was getting laid in junior high I was I was a good skateboarder you know maybe the best among my friends that was a big feather in my cap that was working for me. And then I switched schools ninth grade, six, three, 149 pounds, big nose, acne, terrible haircut.

[920] And it's basically your 90s.

[921] I went, whoa, hold on a second.

[922] I have a single girl in the school likes me. And the dudes think I'm a white trash.

[923] Wow.

[924] You're a little off balance.

[925] I was quite off balance for a good solid two years.

[926] Just confused.

[927] How do we get back into that party right well it's it's similar in the sense that you were riding an ego that was on that was based on things that were that were no longer in your control they were they were gone so in my case it was employment and uh you know that that stuff uh yours good flow of money right and yours was your your your looks or your your senior junior high and all of a sudden you're now a freshman in a new in a new group yeah and then you had to build up uh self -esteem on stuff that you could control yeah being funny and yeah whatever else i do interior stuff yeah wait really quick the your rail trip how long had they been scheduled for you only made it four days but how long were you supposed to be there a couple weeks a couple weeks yeah and the buddies did they feel they were they just like oh that's that's yeah they didn't care there were three or four others and they had a blast anyways yeah Very similarly, I met my buddies from Detroit in Europe for a trip while I was in college.

[928] And Aaron Weekly, my best friend, he was a part of this trip.

[929] And they, since they were flying from Detroit, they had a layover in Amsterdam.

[930] And that made me nervous right out of the gates.

[931] So I was like, I hope they don't go into Amsterdam.

[932] And we were all supposed to meet Venice, Italy.

[933] Well, they went into Amsterdam on the layover.

[934] They did some space cake, some mushrooms, and got drunk.

[935] All at the same time?

[936] Yes.

[937] Just all of it right out of the gates.

[938] on their layover.

[939] They were hungry and thirsty.

[940] They were hungry and thirsty and it was a layover.

[941] And then they all got on the train to go back to the airport.

[942] And my buddy Dean nudged Aaron Weekly.

[943] He's like, this is our stop.

[944] You know, they're all completely fucked up because Aaron was asleep.

[945] He shoves Aaron.

[946] Aaron wakes up and he looks at him.

[947] He goes, this is our spot.

[948] He jumps up and he grabs his big backpack.

[949] And then he steps out of the train.

[950] And then he turns around to see if Aaron's behind him and he just sees the door shut.

[951] Aaron still sleep on a train that made its way to deep countryside of Holland.

[952] Winmills.

[953] Yeah, Aaron came to being nudged awake by a train attendant and he said just windmills everywhere.

[954] He doesn't know where he was at.

[955] He's at the end of a train line in rural Holland.

[956] Coming down pretty fast.

[957] Getting that brick wall.

[958] He's got to figure out how to get back to there.

[959] He wasn't paying any attention.

[960] Dean was in charge of the logistics.

[961] So now he's got to bring himself up to speed on even what airport he's flying in and out of.

[962] Yeah, so he missed a full day.

[963] We were in Venice without him for a full day before he made it back.

[964] Also, pre -cell phones.

[965] There's just no way to know.

[966] We just kept going to the airport every, you know, a few hours for the next flight from Amsterdam and finally he rolled out of there.

[967] Came off.

[968] Yeah, right?

[969] No cell phones.

[970] No chance of getting a hold of this guy.

[971] I'm calling my ex -girlfriend who knows his current girlfriend thinking, oh, well, maybe they can help us in Detroit.

[972] America.

[973] Yeah, someone's going to call America and I did.

[974] But another funny story that I love about yours is you, you and Amanda went down to Cabo one time, right?

[975] And that did you remember that trip?

[976] We've been down there a couple times.

[977] Oh, you have.

[978] No, imagine the first time you guys went there and you were there for about four hours.

[979] Oh, oh, that was that, that's an ex -girlfriend.

[980] Oh, it is.

[981] Oh, that wasn't Amanda.

[982] This is the one where we went down there.

[983] I went down there with the next girlfriend and, uh, and the accommodations were, were less than fantastic.

[984] Well, here's the thing.

[985] I've got a theory about travel.

[986] If you're going, we all work very hard.

[987] Everybody anywhere is working hard to make their accommodations where they're home, right?

[988] Away from home.

[989] No, no. They're home home.

[990] As nice and as comfortable.

[991] Like your nest, right?

[992] It's just, it's animal instinct, right?

[993] The bird makes a nest as fluffy as possible.

[994] Right.

[995] You see a bunch of twigs, you're going to get them, right?

[996] Put some feathers.

[997] Yeah, feathers and leaves would be even better, right?

[998] You get them, you put them there.

[999] Cotton out of a pillow.

[1000] Right.

[1001] Now, would that bird, by choice, go fly over and hang out in a thorny nest, something that's kind of, that you might fall through or just a shittier place?

[1002] Right.

[1003] No. Right.

[1004] So unless you're going to go to a place that's a significant upgrade from your home, uh -huh.

[1005] travel is why leave it is a total inconvenience very defendable theory i like it now i i understand the theory of well there some people like to travel to expose themselves to culture or to kind of rough it and things like i get it i'm not that guy right i i make no uh i'm not i don't know pretend that i'm some dude that loves to you know get a hostel yeah in cambodian and see like i mean i get it i admire those people.

[1006] I wish I was that.

[1007] Right.

[1008] I truly do.

[1009] It's just not you.

[1010] It's not me. You'd be being dishonest.

[1011] It might be me in 10, 15 years as I was different 10, 15 years ago.

[1012] Right now, I'm in a stage of thread count and, you know, I got stuff I like.

[1013] Absolutely.

[1014] And that's totally fair.

[1015] So I'm soft.

[1016] So this was, this was at the beginning of that stage in.

[1017] Now that you made the disclaimer, I'm not completely out to launch here.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] It's good.

[1020] Good.

[1021] Right.

[1022] So you recognize.

[1023] Right.

[1024] I admit.

[1025] Now you're safe to.

[1026] I admit I'm a candy ass and I'm going down to Cabo.

[1027] I've already driven by, you know, the three -legged skinny dogs all the way down there.

[1028] I'm feeling bad about the money I am spending.

[1029] Right.

[1030] Because it's, I just, you know, it's tough.

[1031] Like you're just driving by poverty on your way to.

[1032] Yes.

[1033] It's very disconcerting.

[1034] I just feel terrible.

[1035] Like I want to get out and say, well, I don't need to spend this on this hotel.

[1036] You guys take, get him a. So we go into this hotel, an expensive place, and we go in there, and it's just, it's just crap, you know, and, you know, because I recall the smell really bumped for you.

[1037] The long list of things.

[1038] It just were not up to par or expectations.

[1039] And, and I did not, I don't think I put my bag down.

[1040] I think I kept my bag in my hand, did a tight lap around the room, all the way to the bathroom, flipped on the light, looked in the shower, came back out.

[1041] I think there's a bell man there.

[1042] There's a bell man there and he said anything else.

[1043] I said, no, no, you can just show, show us where we just came from.

[1044] And so he walked us back up to the front.

[1045] We got back in the car, back to the airport, directly on a plane, back to the house, changed a little bit in the bag, went back to the airport and that same day flew to Hawaii.

[1046] I didn't even know you went back home.

[1047] I thought you just went straight to the airport and then did.

[1048] I feel like there was for some reason we had to get back home for something.

[1049] Okay.

[1050] To get well or something.

[1051] Just to.

[1052] Can you imagine that, Monica?

[1053] The gal believes they're going on vacation to Cabo and then he gets there and he's there for a total of three minutes in the room.

[1054] I'll bet you that I probably lost the fight with her about should we go to Hawaii or Mexico and she probably won and say, no, this place, there's this cute place down in Cabo and, and, you know, probably the.

[1055] website or whatever at the time probably a brochure uh looked great and um well you can't smell those you didn't want to find a better place where you were no i was yeah this this is this well there now you've exposed my petulance right yeah i probably was like my best i probably hissed something from that from the bathroom right when i went back in there oh this is great something like that great choice baby you said it was inordinately moist in the room right you like you smelt a lot of that moldy smell it wasn't high season i can assure you that it was we probably had some sort of a deal on it per the calendar but suffice to say you you lost a fortune probably on the on the well this is this was in the 90s and i wasn't making great decisions and your wife has told me like She's in charge of the finances for good reason.

[1056] I'm not good with all that stuff.

[1057] You're not.

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] I don't.

[1060] My extent of banking is going to the ATM.

[1061] Right.

[1062] And you basically just tell Amanda, look, here's the things I want to do.

[1063] I want to have a nice car because I drive back and forth to work a lot.

[1064] And then you handle everything housewise.

[1065] That's you.

[1066] And I want to go to the baseball game a lot, right?

[1067] Those are kind of your two things.

[1068] You're like, I have a couple of things that I like to do.

[1069] I don't, I don't feel.

[1070] like I'm extravagant.

[1071] You're not ostentatious, no. I don't think, yeah, I don't, but she'd probably differ with you.

[1072] But, um, I don't think so.

[1073] Well, you know, she says that she always complains around, you know, birthday and holidays that I'm tough to buy gifts for because all I ever like are big ticket items.

[1074] But that's also to say that I don't, I don't have to buy me anything.

[1075] I don't, I don't need anything.

[1076] I, but when there is something that, you know, the car is, is old or the, my, I feel like my seats are too far away from home plate it's maybe after five or so seasons I want to move forward whatever the hell it is yeah yeah it's like you know I'm not messing around with you know pepicaca stuff you know I don't need new sunglasses every week no no you have one watch since I've known you that you have and you like you don't have 20 watches no it does remind me one time though you were at a baseball game we were both at a baseball game and uh I generally go I'm not a huge baseball fan I just go because I like to sit outside for a while and eat some hot dogs and talk with my friends.

[1077] So I don't need to do the whole nine innings.

[1078] And I had gotten seats from the agency, so they were really nice.

[1079] They were up front.

[1080] And then I was walking out and my phone vibrates and I looked down and you were like, couldn't make the whole game, bud?

[1081] And you were like, whatever, a few rows behind me and hadn't seen me get up and leave.

[1082] And you were disgusted with that, weren't you?

[1083] Well, he liked to throw bombs when you can.

[1084] Yeah, that's true.

[1085] You don't give me a lot of opportunities.

[1086] Any opportunity.

[1087] Now back to Borobor, yeah, you pulled me aside and you said, you got to marry this girl.

[1088] Yeah.

[1089] And at the time, were you on the fence at the time?

[1090] 100%.

[1091] Well, A, I didn't believe in marriage, period.

[1092] Like, I just didn't get it.

[1093] I was like, I don't understand.

[1094] I'm not religious.

[1095] So I go prove to the state of California.

[1096] I love someone.

[1097] I really couldn't wrap my head around the concede of it.

[1098] What about your parents?

[1099] You come from a divorce.

[1100] At what age?

[1101] Three.

[1102] You were three.

[1103] I was three years old.

[1104] So your idea of the whole sort of marriage world is just.

[1105] just like chattered.

[1106] And then many divorces after that, you know, you know, three more divorces from your mom and your dad.

[1107] Yeah.

[1108] Oh, really?

[1109] Yeah.

[1110] Did I get there right?

[1111] Yeah, three.

[1112] Oh, that makes sense.

[1113] So I just was like, I don't, it doesn't really mean anything.

[1114] You can depart anytime you want, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[1115] But, but the big thing and I remember telling you this was that I felt like she and I couldn't have a relationship that didn't have, um, and this shows my lack of growth at that time.

[1116] But I didn't think we could have a functioning relationship that didn't have a healthy threat of me leaving.

[1117] Like, I didn't feel like she was ever willing to meet me halfway anywhere unless she really thought I might be done.

[1118] Got it.

[1119] That was your, that was sort of your leverage.

[1120] My only tool, my leverage.

[1121] Was that there was a, you know.

[1122] As soon as you say, we're locked, I can't go, won't go anywhere.

[1123] She's now going to run roughshod over you.

[1124] Yes.

[1125] Right.

[1126] Yes.

[1127] How will I have any say over?

[1128] And by the way, I don't think they were crazy ass.

[1129] They were like...

[1130] you know, they were maybe self -improvement stuff for both of us to do.

[1131] But I felt like it required, in the beginning, I mean, she and I were admittedly, and we've talked about a million times, there's two very stubborn human beings trying to make it work.

[1132] Yeah.

[1133] And I just felt like without that threat, probably from either of us that.

[1134] And then what do you think changed?

[1135] Because you got married pretty shortly after that, didn't you?

[1136] Well, I got engaged.

[1137] And then everything changed when we got engaged.

[1138] But part of, I was swayed by that, weirdly.

[1139] That's when I'm here to tell you.

[1140] I was.

[1141] By me saying you should.

[1142] Did I give you any reason behind that?

[1143] Yes, you did.

[1144] You talked about your life being married to Amanda versus your life not being a married to Amanda.

[1145] And did I at any point say you're never going to do better than this girl, Dax?

[1146] Yes, I believe.

[1147] Dax, it's over for you.

[1148] Yes.

[1149] You may have crushed ass in the past, but pal, you're not 20 anymore.

[1150] But again, I, yes.

[1151] No. But I didn't, I will say in my defense, I never really thought about doing better or worse.

[1152] It was just like, is this person, are we happy together or not?

[1153] I don't, you know, sure my ego on some level would be like, oh, it's embarrassing.

[1154] We broke up.

[1155] I'm quite certain everyone will think she dumped me as it would seem logical.

[1156] Those things are in the stew, I'm sure.

[1157] But all in all, no, I wasn't really thinking of it that way.

[1158] But you did make a very persuasive argument.

[1159] And then it ultimately was a leap of faith.

[1160] Right.

[1161] Because I still didn't want to do it, but I thought, fuck it, man, I'm going to do this.

[1162] Because you wanted to be a husband.

[1163] I wanted to be a father.

[1164] I wanted to have kids.

[1165] And then crazy enough from the day I asked her to marry me until now, completely different human being.

[1166] She or you?

[1167] She.

[1168] Yeah?

[1169] What about you?

[1170] You've changed a time too.

[1171] I've changed a ton.

[1172] But she, from that day on, like prior to that, very jealous, hated my past, all those things and then from that day on give a shit less it all just changed she felt safe finally yeah and then all that stuff in the background didn't matter anymore and then what about your sense of whether she you've lost leverage and she could leave in a time i bet you became more secure too and just like well actually that stuff doesn't matter because we're hooked and that's what i want yes and then of course you have to even more importantly it's like well threatening to leave someone's never a great way to get them to change anyways that's not the healthy way to do it right It's just be honest and vulnerable and say, my needs aren't being met.

[1173] Right.

[1174] And have faith that this person you've linked yourself up to has a desire to meet your needs.

[1175] That's the kind of the leap of faith.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] It's like, and it's amazing how that takes constant nurturing and work, right?

[1178] Oh, my God, always.

[1179] The gravity is super strong for things to not work in this world.

[1180] Entropy, yeah.

[1181] Yeah.

[1182] Yeah.

[1183] Same with diet, exercise, your body, your mental health.

[1184] But for some reason, we do all have this silly notion that you'll meet the right person and it'll just work.

[1185] Yeah.

[1186] It's about picking somebody who, and this, I don't want this to sound disrespectful to Amanda, but picking somebody who through all, through your best ways of educating your guests, check all of the necessary boxes that feed the part of you.

[1187] you you are most proud of right the part that you know is sort of evergreen and like this is a person who in my best self i i deserve or i'm worthy of and vice versa and then as you say you just make that leap and you work on it every single day yeah because think about how hard it is to just live by yourself i mean think about how much work i know how much work you do and and and and i do just to keep this weather, you know, in the 70s, you know, or even 80s in your own head.

[1188] And then you put in another person in that, you know, male, female, whatever it is, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a real tough combination.

[1189] And it takes a lot of diligent work.

[1190] And, you know, I admire anybody that sticks at it.

[1191] And then you add kids to the mix.

[1192] Yeah.

[1193] And now there's a couple other folks that need your best self all the time yeah but it is i think i've i it's i guess it's the heartbreak of the human condition is that you're not going to do that perfect set of bench press and then chest is built yeah you're good to go right or the one anything the one good therapy session all right fixed it's just it's a daily reprieve with work right yeah that's a bummer Well, but if you can figure out a way to get a high off of just the effort itself, you know, that you just feel good about the fact, well, I did go to the gym today and I did do that bench press.

[1194] I'm not interested in results.

[1195] I am proud of myself for going through the process.

[1196] If that can become the fuel for happiness and kind of give you that surplus of patience and compromise that you need to kind of get through an effective day, you know, in relationships and at work and whatever, then I think you're on to something.

[1197] That's a part that I kind of had to develop when I was kind of, you know, somewhat broken or wheels were wobbling, you know, in the 90s trying to transition into something a little bit more solid.

[1198] It kind of had to try to find the fuel in, well, at least I'm just, I'm making the proper efforts.

[1199] Yeah.

[1200] You know, if I could get off on that, then that was something I could maintain.

[1201] And what was the one point where you're like, okay, I'm putting a lot of effort into this.

[1202] I have a new opportunity, a second chance.

[1203] At what point did you go like, you know what?

[1204] I don't think drinking can be a part of this.

[1205] Was it motivated by that?

[1206] It was your personal.

[1207] It was part of the whole process for sure.

[1208] I mean, there was, it sort of all happened.

[1209] I'd love to go back actually and I don't think I'd be able to see it on a calendar.

[1210] I'd literally have to probably be in a time machine.

[1211] But what the, what the sequencing was between when the drinking stopped, when Amanda came into my life, and when arrested development started to sort of take off or, you know, just even just getting that job, like the very actually, the very beginning of it, even before it hit the public.

[1212] So what was, what was a chicken, what was the egg, you know, so it's, it's not amazing that all three things were sort of around the same time, but I wonder if one led to one led to the other.

[1213] Right.

[1214] But they did all land at a time when I knew that I had basically caught up.

[1215] I had spent the 90s sort of catching up with the sort of childhood I didn't really have in the 80s and all that sort of garbage.

[1216] Yeah.

[1217] And I was 30, 31, 32.

[1218] And being the guy who's loaded at a bar or or driving when he shouldn't or whatever, like that's just not cute, you know, in your early 30s.

[1219] And it's time to have a wife, a career, like what we were talking about earlier.

[1220] Stop being like a sixth or seventh year senior and have the balls to become a freshman in the next stage of education.

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] And so I had to sort of self -graduate.

[1223] I had to force that, that move there.

[1224] And frankly, having a man in my life and certainly a rest of development really helped that.

[1225] Because if I didn't have a job I had to get up for in the morning, if I didn't have a person I really respected to see the efforts that I was making.

[1226] Like, I understand some of my friends that took a lot longer to kind of pull out.

[1227] They didn't have a job they needed to.

[1228] Like, why not stay out all night?

[1229] They could sleep all day.

[1230] No reason to kind of set the alarm clock.

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] So those, those were definitely helpful.

[1233] You know, drinking to me was never to kind of fill a hole or to sort of smooth any pain.

[1234] It was about, it was more hedonism.

[1235] It was just about having fun.

[1236] fun.

[1237] It was like, you know, well, I'm in a great mood.

[1238] I mean, I don't have to go out tonight.

[1239] I mean, I'm at about an eight right now, just being happy.

[1240] But boy, I could go out with my buddies and we could go, you know.

[1241] Get up to 11 or 12.

[1242] Right.

[1243] Like, why not do that?

[1244] Like, you know, these are our years.

[1245] Let's go.

[1246] But you were, you would be at an eight, you would be at an eight sober in that period.

[1247] I was always pretty happy.

[1248] I mean, I was kind of beat up a bit about work.

[1249] That was, that was frustrating for me. Yeah.

[1250] And I'm wondering, were you pessimistic by nature?

[1251] then?

[1252] And did drinking make you optimistic?

[1253] I was, well, definitely more confident when I was drinking for sure.

[1254] And it would help the thoughts about the prospects and whatnot, you know, but I wasn't doing a lot of grinding on thinking about my career and stuff at, at night when we were going out and having fun.

[1255] I was just, just having fun.

[1256] But then, of course, you know, the next day would come around or the Monday or whatever and it was time to read a script or go out an audition or something.

[1257] And there wasn't, it was frustrating to me that I couldn't find the same level of confidence sober during the day going to an audition that I had last Saturday when we were out at the clubs.

[1258] Yes.

[1259] Like that, that, that, that felt, um, not beneath me, but I was frustrated that I couldn't, I couldn't call upon that same level of assuredness.

[1260] Like, where were all these thoughts and feelings that I had on Saturday?

[1261] Why can I just pull them up as I'm driving to this Yeah, Saturday, you're probably excited to go to that Monday audition.

[1262] I'm like, I'm going to crush that thing.

[1263] Yeah, yeah, I got it.

[1264] Not a problem.

[1265] And then the, all this sort of anxiety and self -doubt would come, um, because I cared.

[1266] And I was finding ways to kind of negate the, the, the legitimate confidence I could and should have.

[1267] Yes.

[1268] But I was kind of imploding that for some sort of self -destructive instinct.

[1269] I don't, I don't know what that was.

[1270] Probably exacerbated about the fact that I was, you know, drinking and doing drugs, you know, it develops paranoia.

[1271] and all that stuff.

[1272] Also, you're waking up in the morning and you're probably not thrilled all the time with who you are.

[1273] When you're writing your narrative self, you're like, well, yeah.

[1274] But, you know, and then hypocritically, it was a job that ended up sort of giving me that big, you know, fat dose of confidence.

[1275] And thankfully, when I was up, I then tried to replace that with something that was more long lasting and substantial yeah yeah because i'm i think i didn't i definitely had a genetic predisposition for it and then i also had trauma as a kid so that that helps but also yeah i was out here for 10 years trying to get a job and couldn't get one and just was like this is never going to happen and i definitely needed relief and then as i was working yes uh it was easier to live sober.

[1276] I could, you know, so in that way, I guess it coincided as well.

[1277] Yeah, you were getting an up during the day.

[1278] And you could then enjoy kind of landing the plane at night.

[1279] Whereas if I'm just sitting on the tarmac all day, like, let's fly this thing at some point today.

[1280] And so let's make that at a bar.

[1281] Yes.

[1282] You know, I get that.

[1283] I understand that.

[1284] It's a tough thing for people to be okay with, you know, not, not flying that plane all day.

[1285] Yeah.

[1286] Yeah.

[1287] And then just the, I think that's what they mean when they say keep your day job.

[1288] I mean, truly, it's like, you know, you, like everybody needs an environment to excel in.

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] Even if be productive.

[1291] Pump and gas.

[1292] I mean, there's a, there's a group of employees that you have a family with that there's a, there's a power dynamic, a humor dynamic, a sexual attraction dynamic.

[1293] Like there's, there's a whole, it's like school.

[1294] Yeah.

[1295] You know, and when we leave school, now we're on our own.

[1296] There's no sort of pack that I am sort of, I'm either the leader of or I'm second in or third or four.

[1297] There's all these things.

[1298] We don't even know we're aware of growing up that we need to find replacements for as we get older and not having an environment, you know, a lot of people, it's just for work, even if you're not passionate about it.

[1299] Yeah, a purpose is powerful.

[1300] It might not be the purpose you're after, but zero purpose certainly is not ideal.

[1301] Or zero environment.

[1302] Yes.

[1303] And if you're just sitting at home watching Judge Judy and looking at your sides.

[1304] So I've been really, as I said, really blown away with the way.

[1305] I just, I think Arnett and I did nearly the same thing.

[1306] And we got to, oh, before I even say that, I will say I have the unique perspective as I only, I met you one time before you were sober.

[1307] Well, I was at one time at like a Fourth of July party on the beach.

[1308] All of a sudden you walked in.

[1309] I was like, oh, there's Jason Bateman.

[1310] Dick.

[1311] And then you were just kind of like circling the kitchen a little impatiently.

[1312] And then you went upstairs for about 25 minutes.

[1313] minutes.

[1314] Then you came back down for about nine minutes, stayed in the kitchen, they went back upstairs.

[1315] I was like, you just had kind of a dark aura around you.

[1316] You think there was probably something going on?

[1317] I think there was something upstairs that I wasn't partaking in.

[1318] Yeah.

[1319] I can't imagine there was like a painting up there you loved.

[1320] Like you just couldn't keep your eyes off some painting in the second.

[1321] Yeah, probably not.

[1322] But it's just there's no fridge up there either.

[1323] So it's not like you were getting a cocktail up there.

[1324] Twenty -five minute sessions up there, huh?

[1325] I don't know.

[1326] You were up there for a while yeah and i was i was all over it of course because i was like i don't know two months sober at the time so my fucking my radar was sharp as hell oh so there wasn't a tap tap hey man what do you got going up there no no no i was uh but it was all i was thinking about is just hopping up those stairs and seeing what was going on and then so then when you were you clocking me was i looking kind of uh jitzy yeah yeah you were like i was going to say yeah yeah a little gacked and other fishermen at sea.

[1327] I felt like I knew exactly what was going on, but I could be wrong.

[1328] Oh, man. But I met you there.

[1329] But then the other thing, so you were weirdly influential on me like proposing to Bell.

[1330] And then again, weirdly inspirational in you and I did, this is where I leave you.

[1331] So we did that together.

[1332] And you were fucking killer in that.

[1333] You were great.

[1334] Thank you so much.

[1335] I had the most exposed I've ever been in a movie.

[1336] I don't know if you recall, but I had a lovemaking scene.

[1337] Oh, yeah.

[1338] And I was, and it was determined by the director, not my choice, that I would be on top.

[1339] You remember that?

[1340] Well, of course you do, because you walk in.

[1341] Yeah, I'm basically, I bring the camera to your buns.

[1342] That is right.

[1343] You brought the camera to the buns, but they were shooting low angle on the ground.

[1344] I'm on top.

[1345] And by the way, if memory serves, it was 175 degrees in that apartment.

[1346] Yeah.

[1347] But the camera was positioned in a way.

[1348] Now, I could tell you, I would show anyone, any part of my body a million times before I'd let you just glance at my anus.

[1349] The last thing I want, you know, I'm not proud of it.

[1350] I'm not proud of it.

[1351] You got a bad one?

[1352] I have a terrible anus.

[1353] What's wrong with it?

[1354] Well, I've noticed that it's irritated a lot, you know?

[1355] Okay.

[1356] You know what I'm saying?

[1357] There's some redness.

[1358] Sure.

[1359] It's just.

[1360] Do you not use disposable wipes?

[1361] I do.

[1362] Well, and I even have the toilet seat that sprays fresh water at my.

[1363] anus as opposed to recycled well some people yeah are using gray water is that true no they have a closed loop system on their toilet these people have no carbon footprint none they're so happy yeah so so I was on top and my legs were a little bit splayed out and the camera was so fucking low and I was just like they have to be seen my anus on the monitors right now you have pretty good clinch going Well, no. What happened after takes one and two is that our director came in and moved a piece of sheet.

[1364] A piece of sheet directly in front of my anus, which can only mean to me that, in fact, they were seeing anus.

[1365] Which made you sweat even more?

[1366] Yeah, somewhere in some stockpile Warner Brothers.

[1367] Yeah, anyways, that was really, I felt very vulnerable with my, potentially my anus exposed like that.

[1368] but but you didn't let it cost the moment because there was like a real moment there where I think you're you're going away you're you're having at it with my wife that's right I'm having and you don't know I'm in the room and then and then I say something like happy birthday or something pathetic yes and and then the moment is you guys realizing I'm there and you got to jump off of her yes and did you add the line or did I have the line where I said this this is the first time I go I promise this was the first time and then I go on our side I don't remember who's at that was but that's a great you either gave me that line or I said that line someone that wasn't this is grip but I said yeah on our side I didn't want to lie but I also but I do remember that moment being you know like the good good timing in it timing that hadn't been screwed up by an actor being concerned about you know his anus too much yeah but anyways I watched you I got to see you do a lot of parenting on that I think when we were in Bora Bora for any was too young yes you're just kind of like in baby mode that was 11 years ago two years old maybe yeah that was 10 10 years ago oh yes you're only a year old yeah so she was just a little baby and you don't know the parenting's there's not a lot parenting going on weirdly but on that movie uh this is where i leave you i noticed what a great parent you are sincerely i was like i love how you talk to your daughter maple didn't really need much talking to yet she was just a blob still doesn't yeah she doesn't she's got it handled i start talking to her she just puts a finger up and closes her eyes yeah but you had you have like at least then i don't know how it's evolved i haven't watched you do much parenting since but you had a very calming, you have boundaries, you have a program for your kids, which we know a lot of folks where there doesn't seem to be a program.

[1369] I'm assuming the nanny's supposed to be providing it or something, but you, you were in charge.

[1370] And there were rules and there was a way to move through life.

[1371] But the way you were reminding her of that was so even tempered and calm.

[1372] Because I've even found early on in parenting, you're almost resentful at them.

[1373] that they're forcing you to be the dick.

[1374] Right.

[1375] You know, like, you just want to have a good time with them.

[1376] And you're up to be kind all day long.

[1377] I think I've almost said that exact line to that.

[1378] Really?

[1379] I may have even said dick at some point.

[1380] I'm sure I've, you know, I'm not perfect.

[1381] But I do resent when they know better.

[1382] I'm sure you deal with this with your kids too.

[1383] Sure.

[1384] Five and three.

[1385] Yeah, like, guys, you're not three and one anymore.

[1386] You know, like you get it.

[1387] Yeah.

[1388] Because I know, because we've covered this.

[1389] not just once, but a few times.

[1390] And the fact that you're being lazy with your intelligence or your discipline is forcing me to now be a bad guy and not have fun with you.

[1391] And I like having fun with you and you've taken away my fun by being lazy.

[1392] You know, that's sort of like insane type of conversation and logic.

[1393] I would disagree with you makes me a fucking ridiculous parent at times thinking that they're going to sit there and nod their head, go, gosh, you really make sense.

[1394] I feel, I feel bad now.

[1395] How selfish of us.

[1396] Right.

[1397] So I, I do make the mistake of talking to my kids sometimes like I would talk to you.

[1398] Right.

[1399] Like, next, here's, here's what I'm feeling about what just happened.

[1400] Yes.

[1401] You know, when you do this, I feel right.

[1402] They, they, they just, it's going to be more effective if he just take away the iPad for 20 minutes.

[1403] Yes.

[1404] And also like, they're just supposed to be assholes and in trouble.

[1405] What fucking childhood.

[1406] None of my memories, I don't have a single memory of a day I was behaving.

[1407] Right.

[1408] My whole, the whole book of memories is times I was busted.

[1409] But you know, what I do remember a lot is getting encouragement, affirmation, acknowledgement for behaving well.

[1410] The times that I did behave well.

[1411] So I try to remember that with the kids.

[1412] Like when they do something good, I make sure they get a little bit of, you know, emotional junk food for that.

[1413] Because for me, I mean, think, you know, there were actors that I worked with when I was a kid that were not well behaved.

[1414] And the opposite attention I got by being well behaved, probably because I was afraid my dad was going to yell at me for doing the same garbage.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] Uh, basic, I became somewhat addicted to, like, oh, they think I'm a good kid.

[1417] And, and so I did more of that, more that probably against what my instinct was, which was to be a jerk.

[1418] Yeah.

[1419] Um, but I did it enough where I actually morphed into probably a nicer kid earlier than I otherwise would have been.

[1420] Yeah.

[1421] So.

[1422] Well, like the, the motivation's probably wrong.

[1423] It's people pleasing.

[1424] Exactly.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] Yet it also proves the thing where it's like your actions can change you.

[1427] So if you just start behaving a way, you can slowly, your thinking catches up to your actions.

[1428] I do believe that.

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] Um, there's no way where you tell the dressing story, right?

[1431] That's just too much.

[1432] Oh.

[1433] Oh.

[1434] Yeah.

[1435] Yeah, I would.

[1436] Okay, great, great, great.

[1437] Lessons and masturbation will be on another episode.

[1438] That probably deserves its own whole podcast.

[1439] If you ever decide to launch one, that should be your first episode.

[1440] I do have, it reminds me, though, I do have a friend who masturbates missionary style.

[1441] No, he, like, humps his hand.

[1442] Yeah, he'll just put it on the bed there.

[1443] His hand.

[1444] Yep, and he's also a front wiper.

[1445] If you've ever met one of those.

[1446] I am too.

[1447] You'll be disappointed.

[1448] Truly?

[1449] And let's argue about it.

[1450] Yeah, let's argue about it.

[1451] So you, in your worldview, you take a dump.

[1452] And then you, when you're done, you go back to front.

[1453] Which is frowned upon.

[1454] Well, sure.

[1455] I mean, you got, are you a eunuch?

[1456] But no, what do you do with your garbage?

[1457] This is what I want to push back against.

[1458] You're telling me you don't have the physical dexterity to wipe your asshole and not touch your balls afterwards.

[1459] Is your fucking hand paralyzed?

[1460] It's easier for me. to go around where the balls aren't.

[1461] I would argue it is not at all because you've got to now lift yourself off.

[1462] You either got to, do you stand up?

[1463] No. Okay.

[1464] So you have one side.

[1465] You're leaning over, right?

[1466] To get your arm under your ass.

[1467] I offer.

[1468] You offer up one side.

[1469] So now you're leaning on the toilet scene, which is already a little bit preposterous to me. So you're leaned over halfway.

[1470] And then you've got your hand behind.

[1471] Yep.

[1472] So your shoulder, rotator cuff potential.

[1473] Oh.

[1474] Does that hurt?

[1475] Have you ever had a rotator or cough issue?

[1476] Not like yours, I guess.

[1477] Okay.

[1478] So anyways, very awkward position for your shoulder and you're leaning on your side on the toilet seat.

[1479] You're putting a ton of pressure on one side of the seat.

[1480] I guarantee if I went into your house today, your seat is crooked.

[1481] I've got loose, yes.

[1482] It is, right?

[1483] You're ruining hardware.

[1484] Whereas on your toilet seat, I'm going to see basically a back rest.

[1485] Do you use the lid as a backrest?

[1486] Oh, like lean back?

[1487] Sure.

[1488] Well, you kind of got to when you go.

[1489] I can show you the exact.

[1490] This will do nothing for the listener, but this is exactly how I do it.

[1491] I spread a little bit.

[1492] Sure.

[1493] Take my ball.

[1494] Okay.

[1495] So you do have to.

[1496] So you use two hands.

[1497] Why not?

[1498] I've got a second hand.

[1499] It's not like my hands busy doing something.

[1500] I just grab my, my penis and my scrotum.

[1501] Uh -huh.

[1502] And I just lift it out of the way.

[1503] And then I wipe like this and I stay seated comfortably.

[1504] And again, I'm picking up the toilet paper right after the, I'm clear of the anus.

[1505] I'm not dragging it up five inches through my perineum.

[1506] and then on to my testicles.

[1507] I would argue that the drag is part of the cleaning.

[1508] But why are you happier with having shit smeared up the top of your butt crack versus your paroneum?

[1509] Well, what I'm doing, as I'm dragging, I'm also rolling the paper into constantly a clean piece of paper.

[1510] Yeah.

[1511] There's a roll and a drag that happens.

[1512] Why can't that be done across your paranoia?

[1513] You absolutely can.

[1514] You're just putting in another step of clearing out the garbage.

[1515] But here's what I would argue.

[1516] we have stupidly mapped on a very smart wiping strategy for women onto men.

[1517] Women, they don't want to drag any excrement into their vagina or they're going to have a terrible infection.

[1518] But you have, A, no risk of infecting your perineum or the backside of your balls, whereas you and I, we're up against the back of that seat.

[1519] Actually, I don't do that.

[1520] I don't do that because I've lived with a few dudes.

[1521] And I don't like the, what would you call sort of like the M that some sweaty dudes will leave on the back of a toilet seat with their sweaty ass cheeks because they're too far back on the ring.

[1522] And they leave an M print on the back from their buttocks.

[1523] So I'm mindful of that.

[1524] I ride the front of the seat.

[1525] I'm not reading a book.

[1526] I'm not using the backrest like you are for.

[1527] I'm in there forever.

[1528] Sure.

[1529] I spend 40 minutes in there in the morning.

[1530] The fact that I don't have piles is amazing.

[1531] Do you lose circulation in your legs?

[1532] Sometimes, absolutely.

[1533] Yeah.

[1534] And I just hang out and then sometimes I get a second wave, which I love.

[1535] I think, oh, thank God I hung in there for that long.

[1536] Really, twins.

[1537] You didn't even know, you didn't know there were.

[1538] That's right.

[1539] But now that we're talking about this, I am now reminded that you're very fastidious.

[1540] Is that the word?

[1541] Shit's tight back there, if that's what you mean.

[1542] You would be happy to expose your anus on film.

[1543] It's always camera ready.

[1544] It's powder dry But I do remember You're a bit of a Not you're not a germophobe No but I am I'm aware that There could be something Gamy on that person Yeah I'm about to either shake hands with Or Just there's You'll like if you see a guy with Two things and I will not name any names One is we had a friend who had some dander They had some dandruff on their shoulders and you were very aware of it.

[1545] It was hard for you to not be aware of it.

[1546] You're like, I'll avoid a hug with that fella.

[1547] Right, right.

[1548] So you were, you were pretty hyper -focused on the dander.

[1549] I was able to just go like, yeah, you're definitely right.

[1550] There is some dandruff on the shoulders, but it wouldn't, it didn't consume me. Right.

[1551] Other things do.

[1552] Well, will you walk around in a hotel room without shoes or socks on?

[1553] Yes, yeah, absolutely.

[1554] That's disgusting.

[1555] Right, but I'm not going to lick my feet or put my feet in my anus.

[1556] No, but it's.

[1557] There's nothing about my feet are going to enter.

[1558] But that foot is going to go into your bed at the hotel.

[1559] At the end of the bed.

[1560] But you move around a bit in your bed, right?

[1561] I mean.

[1562] Never so much that that bacteria could make their way six feet north.

[1563] But it's there, though.

[1564] I mean, you could so easily keep your bed pristine and probably then have a bit more of a cozier, restful idea.

[1565] Or just like, just like, when you're about to eat food.

[1566] right finger food let's say yeah for me it's going to taste better if I know that I'm eating those french fries or that apple or something with a clean pair of hands yes and this is just where we differ yeah I don't even think about it right yeah and I've somehow made it this far but the other I don't think I'm going to get an injury I don't think I'm going to get a cold I just feel like I'm I'm eliminating anything that could distract from my enjoyment the taste if I get a whiff of that dude's cologne hand I just shook as I take a bite of an hour I'm going to lose it.

[1567] Okay, right, right.

[1568] Right?

[1569] Yes, that's fair.

[1570] I don't have it on that level.

[1571] But then the other thing that happened with you and I as we were playing poker at a friend's house and you had discovered there was a shit streak in the toilet bowl.

[1572] And you had a field day with this.

[1573] I think you talked for 30 minutes after the discovery.

[1574] And then there was some talk of, well, the housekeeper's coming tomorrow.

[1575] And that was, you're like, what are you a fucking animal?

[1576] just because you'll wait for someone else to clean up your right you have an obligation to wait to see what kind of damage you've done and then hang out and maybe put more toilet paper in there do another flush hopefully it'll catch and drag right right yes um look I was on your side of that argument I thought you clean up after yourself you leave the commode the way you found it right yeah you were really distracted though for the rest of the evening when I pee away from the house I'm peeing standing up okay and and I will do a courtesy wipe around the toilet ridge me too for any sort of splatter right now blowback oftentimes that's not just mine but it's from the second third fourth use before me as well almost guaranteed now so that goes counter to somebody would be like no way am I getting any of those germs so I'm I'm a basket case I don't know where it all where it starts where it starts where it starts where it ends.

[1577] But what's interesting is I use a similar technique, which is I wipe the seat after I've peed in it.

[1578] And then I think, why don't I just lift the seat up?

[1579] Why won't we lift it up?

[1580] I don't touch the underside of the seat.

[1581] Well, you get your shoes for.

[1582] Okay.

[1583] Even in like, you don't catch the edge with the shoe.

[1584] Even in a friend's home.

[1585] Oh yeah.

[1586] Oh, so when you've been at my house.

[1587] Right.

[1588] And you've, well, I appreciate.

[1589] I'm now remembering a lot of peculiarities about you.

[1590] Some people have those toilet seats with the look like the old -timey gold handle on the side of it.

[1591] You ever seen those?

[1592] Yes, yes.

[1593] Which I appreciate, but they're far too uncommon.

[1594] Yes, but you would use your shoe for that.

[1595] Yeah, I'd just go to that little gold handle.

[1596] Something about you talking about kicking the toilet seat in people's houses brought me back to the New Year's Eve we spent together.

[1597] We're at about 1115.

[1598] You said, let's get the fuck out here.

[1599] it was our i was celebrating uh you guys denver new year's yeah you came over and and i think really i would say most of it was that you just ate too many sweets is that what it was i've probably over over served in the candy uh -huh and then at 11 15 years like no fucking way we're making it to the ball drop we're out of here well i also think you know if there's one thing that booze will do it'll add another hour or two on your night you know in a great way.

[1600] And so I'm usually two hours short of anybody else's kind of exit time.

[1601] Yeah, even on New Year's Eve.

[1602] Yeah, I couldn't care less.

[1603] Yeah, that's great.

[1604] Now, I want to talk about you directing really quick.

[1605] I've always been, truly, I've should reload, though.

[1606] Yeah, you want to go pee -pee?

[1607] No. I truly, I've been, I couldn't really, I couldn't emulate what you did because it was too late for me. I went to sign up to be the lead of four movies and they all tanked.

[1608] So it's not like I could have emulated you, but I studied you and I always talked about how impressed I was by your decision -making ability and checking your ego and playing it smartly.

[1609] And then also you started directing, I think, with some sense of longevity as well, both because you wanted to do it.

[1610] You were the youngest director ever to be in the DGA.

[1611] Is that true that's a record you at that time i don't know if it's still there yeah but yeah it was an episode of the of the hogan family when i was 18 yes and when you did that at 18 did you did you have a vision for it or were you painting by the numbers it just something ego -wise you wanted to do or did you have a notion of what uh at that time i wasn't uh i wasn't positive that that's what i wanted to do later i wanted to then become uh you know like jimmy burrows and and and be like a multi -cam director that yes a billionaire yeah he's incredible but um but then you know acting kept kind of you know getting in the way and i'd get like a pilot and i you know say well you know i'll keep doing this or something and but but as i got um as i got as i got as i got older and more courageous, right, to challenge myself to do what it is I think I can do.

[1612] I hope I can do.

[1613] I hope I've absorbed.

[1614] Let's see if I can, you know, push myself to like the absolute limits of what I could take on, right?

[1615] Which I did not have the courage to do that any earlier.

[1616] Then I started to kind of put my hand up.

[1617] You also needed a certain amount of capital in the bank.

[1618] Right.

[1619] Right.

[1620] To get something basically financed.

[1621] Well, capital in the industry too.

[1622] Like you put your hand up and say, I'd like to direct a film.

[1623] You know, for a long time, we'll say that that's, that's great kid.

[1624] But, you know, we'll let you know when we were out of people that, you know, we actually want to direct the film.

[1625] Yeah.

[1626] So, so that started happening for me, you know, just after a rest of development, when there were opportunities coming.

[1627] And, um, and I put my hand up.

[1628] And we, um, we found us, script for bad words, the Spelling Bee movie, and it took a little while to get the financing for that and did that.

[1629] And you, did you love it immediately?

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] Yeah.

[1632] Yeah.

[1633] And you have a, you, you, you're very well informed.

[1634] Do you have a great knowledge of DPs?

[1635] You see a lot of movies.

[1636] You know what you want.

[1637] You have an aesthetic.

[1638] I could say this about your house.

[1639] Your house is very beautiful it's decorated well like that's a man okay but i okay well shit but you always you have good taste in cars you dress generally well like you have an aesthetic you have a cool watch you you you're not a guy without an aesthetic which there are a lot of guys without an aesthetic well i thank you i could same same to you my mind's a little off beat but yeah well but there's that that that's that's taste you know you know what's you right you know and i see it in your films I mean, there are things that whether you're generating them or not, you could get in the way of if you had bad taste.

[1640] You're creating and or approving stuff that is good.

[1641] Now, what did you learn?

[1642] Because if I was just objectively watching this thing, I saw bad words, which I thought you did a great job on.

[1643] But then I saw, I haven't seen Family Fang, but I saw Ozark, and I'll give you like the ultimate compliment I can give someone as an ego man. it made me mad you know what I'm saying it made me question whether I deserve to do stuff that is that's very nice of you I don't know if you have similar yeah yeah I'm like oh fuck I think this thing looks perfect and the acting's on point but you know as well as I do that there's you can plan for a lot of really good things but probably half of the things that you saw that you really like that may have gotten you mad you know like a lot of that shit just happens and and you don't know whether shit i wonder if you planned that or was that just well the dolly made it to its mark at this time and you know so well in general i don't think there's any directing book or acting book or book about uh the film industry that accurately accounts for the amount of luck that's involved in every aspect of it i mean it's a good 40 % love including including perception which i think is a big one right so the way something is marketed the you know getting back to to perception and baggage that your name carries that the project itself might might have in the like yeah you know because pardon the term but art takes so much benefit of the doubt you know I mean if you don't think that band is cool it doesn't matter what song they're going to play you're going to be on that's crap yes you know there's a lot of stuff that I'm sorry there's very few things again sorry in the art world that are undeniably fantastic, you know, like there's just, there's not, not one song that a hundred percent of the people would, would tap their toe to.

[1644] Maybe Michael Jackson, but yeah.

[1645] Yeah, but, but then like you get some dude that's like, yeah, no, it's too poppy for me. Like, you're not going to get everybody.

[1646] No, no. So, um, yeah, a lot of, as you know, uh, directing and certainly editing is cutting out the crap that doesn't work.

[1647] Right.

[1648] Um, as our friend, uh, John Favro said, as he, He re -quoted Howard Hawks, a great, a good film is like five or six great scenes and no bad ones.

[1649] So like that, and that ultimately is what I'm sort of, what I have my mind on is, is just making sure nothing sucks.

[1650] So this angle on you, this angle on me, the dialogue we're saying, all this stuff.

[1651] Just make sure none of it is terrible.

[1652] Right.

[1653] And you're going to back into those moments of the dolly hitting its mark just right.

[1654] And so every once in a while things are going to spike.

[1655] But if your rest face, space, place is not sucking and nothing is bad, then everything that's going to be different is going to be above is going to be great.

[1656] So if you're always dealing with level or good, then that's doing a lot of good things great.

[1657] I mean, it's very hard to make something that has no bad moments in it.

[1658] And that's what I'm trying to make on set and then in the editing room.

[1659] And if it means chopping out an entire scene or actor or anything, that's it.

[1660] It's got to happen.

[1661] You're gone.

[1662] Yeah.

[1663] But you did, Ozark is so fucking good.

[1664] Oh, my God, is it good?

[1665] I mean, no, it's so fantastic.

[1666] Because decide what's different.

[1667] I got nominated for an Emmy.

[1668] Oh, really?

[1669] Derek Hill and John Richardson.

[1670] Oh, you got nominated too, didn't you?

[1671] I did.

[1672] Yeah.

[1673] that was a very fun surprising morning for sure was it oh yeah yeah the uh the girls were banging on the door wanting to go to camp um and uh daddy was in a narcissism k hole on his on his laptop watching the live feed to see if there's any chance they're going to call my name and uh and they and they did and i shut the laptop and tried to do a poker face and just put the girls in the car and let's go, kids.

[1674] Try that to, yeah, make it about you.

[1675] And then, I'm walking.

[1676] So your old man got a, anybody in the car know what an Emmy is.

[1677] But you got to name for acting and directing too, but I didn't know about the directing until after I dropped the kids off and got back in the car and called the publicist.

[1678] And she told me about the directing.

[1679] And I got, I got a little emotional because that was.

[1680] Yeah, that's a much bigger high, right?

[1681] I mean, that was the original draw for me, was to, was to direct all episodes of the first season.

[1682] Yeah.

[1683] I couldn't end up creating enough, and have enough time to prep them all.

[1684] So I couldn't do that.

[1685] But it was, it was, these scripts were like, oh, I want to direct something as kind of moody and dangerous as this.

[1686] Yeah.

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] See if I could kind of create some kind of environment like that.

[1689] It is a pretty big swing.

[1690] Yeah.

[1691] And you nailed it.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] sense of accomplishment you get, right?

[1694] When you have made something, you go, oh my God, from beginning to end, that for right, you know, for better or worse, that was my project.

[1695] Isn't there like a great sense of accomplishment from that?

[1696] I mean, you know, it makes me uncomfortable to say yes, but I would have to, you know, if I'm being honest, there's a, for, for the reasons we were just saying, like there is so much thought.

[1697] that you can put into that job and so much collaboration that you can have with all these different departments and these incredibly experienced people.

[1698] Oh, that's the most fun about it, isn't it?

[1699] They're doing seven movies a year while you're doing one every two or three if you're working all the time as a director.

[1700] These guys and women are doing it all year long and to have, you know, the common sense, at least to turn to them and say, hey, can you, can you help me make this even better?

[1701] What's your version of what I just, you know, mumbled out of my mouth?

[1702] And to have all of that stuff coalesce into something that can, you know, again, shape one experience for an audience.

[1703] Like, it's a really complicated cooking process.

[1704] There's so many different things that you go to the market to buy.

[1705] And then you got to chop them just right.

[1706] You got to cook them all just right.

[1707] And you got to present it just right.

[1708] And the name on the restaurant's got to be just right so that expectations are in line with what you're actually putting on the table.

[1709] I mean, all of these things.

[1710] And if it works for somebody and then for a lot of people, and then even for people whose job it is to find holes in it, if it works for all of those folks, it's a big relief.

[1711] Yeah.

[1712] So when you do when you're on set for 14 hours a day and you literally are working all 14, you get a much bigger, little bump from it.

[1713] I do at least.

[1714] Or writing.

[1715] I'm always been way more proud of finishing a script than any other thing in my life because it's the worst.

[1716] Writing, I think, is perhaps even more difficult.

[1717] Trying to fill a blank page, you know, that story, Mel Brooks with Ann Bancroft and Mel Brooks comes home from shooting one day and Ann Bancroft is on the couch and she's just like exhausted and he says, oh, it was a tough day at work on him.

[1718] She goes, oh, Mel, acting so hard and he holds up a blank piece of paper and he goes no he says writing's hard you know and it's really true like the amount of options that are available to you as a writer yeah are literally endless and to have to have to reduce those down into the best version of what idea you have takes so much discipline and work I don't know how you do that well on the um press junket for the judge Robert downy had the best saying I've ever heard and it was one he got from his dad he would regularly get asked like what did your dad teach you and he said I don't know maybe the most valuable thing my dad ever taught me having been in this business was everybody can act, some people can direct, and nobody can write.

[1719] And I was like, well, that pretty much sums up when I read scripts.

[1720] I'm not even saying I'm one of the people that can write, but just that, that is a pretty pretty, if you had to sum the whole industry up into three sentences, that's pretty good.

[1721] Well, I'm super pumped for season two.

[1722] Thank you.

[1723] I guess I'm not in it is my assumption because it seems like it's coming out pretty soon.

[1724] Well, no, you don't remember on the set?

[1725] No, no. Did you call me once while you were using again?

[1726] But you were with us for a week.

[1727] Oh, my goodness.

[1728] All right.

[1729] Jason Bateman, I love you so much.

[1730] I'm really grateful that you came down and talked to me. Watch the new episode of Ozarks.

[1731] It's right around the corner, right?

[1732] When is it?

[1733] Does it come out?

[1734] August 31st.

[1735] August 31st.

[1736] Oh, I have a quick question about your idiosyncrasies.

[1737] So you are probably not a fan of shoes on the couch.

[1738] Great question.

[1739] No, but it depends on what part of the couch.

[1740] If it's a part of the couch where I could possibly, where my head could end up.

[1741] So like where you're sitting right now on the couch, if the shoe was up there on the arm, I would be uncomfortable.

[1742] You wouldn't like that.

[1743] Because there's a chance that I could be getting all cozy, kind of turn over to watch the TV on my side and my nose could get right next to residue of dog shit or something.

[1744] And it would just destroy my mom.

[1745] month can you can you do you know at the top of your head with the worst thing for you to be on that armrest is do you have a number one enemy number one would it be dog shit i mean human ship obviously would be much worse right um canine canine fecal would be preferred wasn't it you know what i don't like is um well cat piss oh is up there that's why there's a new floor right here oh really i knew it was tearing this place down but i'm like i can't work the guy had cats and they peed on the previous I don't, one of my top smells that really turned me is stuff that's been left in the dryer or in the washing machine tool.

[1746] Yeah, that mildewy kind of like hockey gear.

[1747] It was the Cabo smell in the hotel.

[1748] Yeah, probably was the smell.

[1749] Some sort of active growing something.

[1750] Mold.

[1751] Yeah, hockey.

[1752] I'd never be, ever be able to play hockey.

[1753] When those guys get into those scrums and like eight or ten of them they get all huggy and they're all sweaty and the cops what are the the refs the umps they come in and they start the cops there's like 20 seconds there where they're all still locked they're still kind of john at each other and the gloves are up in each other's faces and they're kind of smiling each other kind of shitty I just the game in there in that hot huddle yeah a lot of sweat they sweat too they sweat it's not the knocked out teeth that scares you it's getting a big whiff of the goalie's glove.

[1754] Yeah, I just, I don't, I would, I'd go ahead and put myself on the bench.

[1755] I'd take yourself out of the game.

[1756] I'd fake an injury.

[1757] All right, I love you.

[1758] Watch Ozarks, I certainly will be the second it comes out.

[1759] Jason Bateman, thank you.

[1760] Love you, that.

[1761] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1762] Check all your facts.

[1763] Checking all your facts I really want writers on the storm to work with some Either our products or the fact check It's just not mapping on conveniently for me It's okay It's all right Can't all be winners No they can't all be zip recruiter This was a winner though They're all winners actually They can all be winners They can all be winners And none of them are losers How about that?

[1764] Okay, I'll give you that That's a glass quarter full for you.

[1765] I wish your glass was, hmm, I'm sending you mixed signals because I was about to tell you that I wish your glass would be all the way full.

[1766] All the time.

[1767] To the tippy top, all the time.

[1768] Runneth over.

[1769] But I also advised you not to strut.

[1770] Also, you took great pleasure in watching me lose a game of Scrabble, didn't you on our vacation?

[1771] You did not like that.

[1772] Well, yeah, this was weird that my buddy was rooting against me. I understand why.

[1773] I understand why.

[1774] Molly, our friend Molly won.

[1775] I'm actually happy she won two.

[1776] She deserves the win.

[1777] She's a much better person than me. She's a lovely girl.

[1778] She's a full -blown woman.

[1779] I don't want anyone to walk away thinking a child beat me and scrabble.

[1780] No, she's a fully functioning woman adult.

[1781] Yeah.

[1782] Beautiful and smart.

[1783] Very beautiful.

[1784] very beautiful my buddy eric's wife i can't tell eric your wife's so hot she is she is incredibly stunning yeah yeah built like a brick shit house too is that still a compliment no i don't i don't know what that means and i don't like any of the words in there okay then i strike that i strike it okay okay um oh can i tell one quick thing because it kind of came up when uh we were just in austin as we were bragging about in the intro and I one time went tubing down the Guadalupe River 15 years ago there in Austin and I was on the the banks of the river with my then girlfriend Bree and a dude came up to her and he was in the middle of light and a cigarette and he just looked at her up and down and he goes goddamn girl you got all the right shit and then he just kept it moving he wasn't hitting on her and she loved it I thought it was great I mean normally that would trigger me like what do you moving in on my gal, but I had to respect the compliment.

[1785] It was offensive.

[1786] It was a pure compliment.

[1787] It was a pure compliment.

[1788] And on the surface, very offensive, but really, I would love to be told I had all the right shit.

[1789] I don't think it's offensive.

[1790] I wouldn't have found it offensive.

[1791] Okay.

[1792] But you know what I would have found offensive?

[1793] If someone walked by and said, girl, you're built like a brick shit house.

[1794] Oh.

[1795] I'd be like, fuck you.

[1796] I'm surprised you even remembered what I said.

[1797] I have a very good memory.

[1798] Remember?

[1799] Oh, brag number one.

[1800] You have a terrible memory.

[1801] Bragg number one.

[1802] You lead me into these brags.

[1803] I do.

[1804] They're traps.

[1805] Yeah, they're pongy pits.

[1806] I build for you to fall into and then I laugh hysterically.

[1807] Wait, I want to go back to Scrabble, okay?

[1808] Okay.

[1809] Because now I seem like a terrible person.

[1810] No, I think they get it.

[1811] Well, I feel like one.

[1812] I felt like one after that because you were upset with me a little bit.

[1813] Well, it was a little hurt.

[1814] Yeah.

[1815] And I don't like to hurt your feeling.

[1816] It makes me feel sad.

[1817] I expect you to be excited when I expect.

[1818] lose that game, but just maybe not vocally.

[1819] But see, that's the off, that, to me, that's the opposite.

[1820] If I was, like, internally, like, oh, my God, I'm so happy you lost.

[1821] Like, that's disgusting.

[1822] That feels bad.

[1823] If I'm just, if I'm just, like, rooting on a gal pal.

[1824] Yeah, that's built like a brick shit house.

[1825] Don't say that.

[1826] But if I'm just rooting her on, because, look, no one can beat you at this, as was said in this episode, actually surprisingly.

[1827] Bateman said it.

[1828] Bateman did say it, but Kimmel did destroy me at my own birthday party and then fucked up my coffee maker.

[1829] It was a real one, two, three punch for me. But generally speaking, you're, you're incredibly good at that game and you're the one to be always.

[1830] I was also assisting during that game, if you recall.

[1831] I was trying to point out to people my strategy, which is you do not approach that game as a word game.

[1832] You approach it as a math game.

[1833] Uh -huh.

[1834] Yeah.

[1835] But Molly...

[1836] So I was being generous.

[1837] It's not like I was being a smug about it.

[1838] No, you weren't.

[1839] You weren't being smug about it.

[1840] But she won.

[1841] She won, and she's experienced.

[1842] She said she's been playing her whole life.

[1843] Yep.

[1844] And, um...

[1845] I just started the game six months ago.

[1846] No. No, you didn't.

[1847] But...

[1848] But she did win.

[1849] I feel...

[1850] And on the last move, it was very dramatic.

[1851] It was.

[1852] She won by like a point or two.

[1853] And it was because they play where you subtract your tiles from your total.

[1854] I play that.

[1855] I play that you subtract him.

[1856] I don't think I'd ever play that you add everyone's up.

[1857] So she subtracted.

[1858] Look, I'm not trying to minimize her victory.

[1859] It was well.

[1860] It was hard fought.

[1861] It was deserved.

[1862] Because I came out of the goddamn gates with a seven letter of bingo, which is hard to recover from.

[1863] So all the more credit to her house that is built out of bricks.

[1864] She did a great job.

[1865] Where people can go to shit.

[1866] I don't understand what could possibly be.

[1867] what is...

[1868] Well, because I think, well, first of all, shit house, I think is an outhouse, okay?

[1869] So back in the day before people had indoor plumbing, my grandparents had an outhouse in Livonia, Michigan.

[1870] And it's made generally of wood.

[1871] It's just like flimsily made.

[1872] People can pick it up and move it behind the hole, which is what my grandpa would do with his brother to their third brother.

[1873] And then the person falls in a pit of shit on their way in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

[1874] So a brick shit house is very well constructed.

[1875] It goes, it harkens back to the three little pigs, Monica.

[1876] It's a well -built.

[1877] I see.

[1878] And what I'm saying is Molly is well -built.

[1879] Yeah.

[1880] Like a brick shit house.

[1881] You're a brick -shit -house.

[1882] We like my mom.

[1883] I think Molly listens to this.

[1884] And if she's anything like me, she'll blow right by the words used and just focus in on the sentiment.

[1885] Well, we can't assume that she's anything like you.

[1886] We can't, but we can in this case.

[1887] This also came up when we were in Texas, which is, and I think I differed from some of you in the group when we were talking about is that you could say anything about me. And if you end it with, and I'd love to fuck that guy, I'm good.

[1888] If you're like, oh, I got, that Dax Shepherd's such a blowheart.

[1889] I'd love to fuck that guy.

[1890] I'm in.

[1891] Or that Dax, what a disgusting nose.

[1892] I'd love to fuck him.

[1893] I go, oh, well, that disgusting nose is.

[1894] turning you on.

[1895] Yeah.

[1896] Like it just negates anything you could say about me. Yeah, I don't.

[1897] You don't feel that way.

[1898] I don't feel that way at all.

[1899] It goes to priorities in how people want to be seen.

[1900] I just want to be hot.

[1901] Yeah, exactly.

[1902] You don't?

[1903] Isn't that high up there?

[1904] Don't you want to be seen as hot and sexy?

[1905] Not.

[1906] I don't think hot is the word.

[1907] I want to be attractive, but not hot.

[1908] No, fucking tomato tomato.

[1909] No, it's not.

[1910] It's not the same thing.

[1911] Okay.

[1912] I don't think.

[1913] Like there are plenty of people who I think are so hot and I have no attraction to them.

[1914] You're not attracted to them in a groinal capacity.

[1915] In any.

[1916] But especially in your groin.

[1917] It's not being tugged towards that person.

[1918] In my brain.

[1919] In my heart.

[1920] In my mouth.

[1921] Anyway, so it's different.

[1922] And I don't want to be someone that people just want to fuck.

[1923] Yeah.

[1924] Yeah.

[1925] I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

[1926] Oh, that's okay.

[1927] That's okay.

[1928] I brought it up to you.

[1929] I was vulnerable and admitted it.

[1930] And then you apologize and I appreciate it.

[1931] And what's so funny is now I don't even think I'd mind if he did it.

[1932] Just because we went through it.

[1933] Mm -hmm.

[1934] Yeah.

[1935] I'm not going to do that again.

[1936] Oh, yeah.

[1937] I learned my lesson.

[1938] Okay.

[1939] Let's start.

[1940] Let's begin.

[1941] Okay.

[1942] There aren't very many.

[1943] Which is, they're getting less and less factual, which is not good.

[1944] Is that concerning or?

[1945] Is that maybe a sign in the right direction?

[1946] It probably means you're evolving, but it's not as fun for me. Okay.

[1947] So.

[1948] I'll try to throw more out as we go.

[1949] Okay.

[1950] The Lucifer's Pizza, the accent you did.

[1951] I didn't do a good job.

[1952] No, it was fine.

[1953] Okay.

[1954] It was a good job.

[1955] His face had that look of embarrassment.

[1956] And after we had that conversation, I've since seen a couple of people also do accents.

[1957] that they didn't pull up.

[1958] There's something uniquely embarrassing about going for an accent and then you don't nail it.

[1959] So I never do access.

[1960] You never, I know, I've never heard you do one.

[1961] You'll never hear me do one ever, any kind.

[1962] It's so risky.

[1963] It is really risky.

[1964] It's uniquely humiliating.

[1965] Yep.

[1966] But the Lucifer, you were doing a Lucifer's Pizza ad, which is a pizza place here in Los Angeles.

[1967] I have a few locations.

[1968] We're all mailroads location.

[1969] Press one.

[1970] We're all heel, hill.

[1971] location press 2 There's a Melrose location And the Hillhurst they have a new location too And they're Hollywood Yeah Or a sunset location Press 3 Yeah And they speak in an Australian accent Or so I have Deuce Surmised yeah Yeah Like you for calling Lucy for Spitzer We need to have three locations Or all Melrose location Press 1 Or all Hill House Location I can't even get through Hillhurst It's because I bought them out.

[1972] People's faces are so distorted.

[1973] So it's hard to look at someone when they're doing that.

[1974] It is.

[1975] Oh, man. I wrote down here to get your Silver Spoons essay.

[1976] And I didn't.

[1977] Oh, shit.

[1978] Well, we can read it on a future up.

[1979] All right.

[1980] Before I forget, the, in the, in the, In the intro, you referred to Jason's show as Ozarks.

[1981] I pluralized it.

[1982] Yep, and it's just Ozark.

[1983] I think it's a very Michigan thing.

[1984] Well, we also had this.

[1985] Oh, yeah, you were guilty of this in Texas.

[1986] Not again, geez, we're like, won't stop talking about band camp.

[1987] I know.

[1988] But we wanted a Crystal Burger really bad.

[1989] We thought that we would see a Crystal Burger.

[1990] And, in fact, we went to a Sonic and I thought we were going to Crystal.

[1991] And then when we got to the drive.

[1992] I said repeatedly, I wish we, I thought this was crystal, but you thought it was crystals.

[1993] Yes, I call it crystals because I'm from Georgia and where they're the home of the crystal burger.

[1994] And I've always called it crystals my whole life.

[1995] And then we got onto the topic of what do you pluralize and is it regional and yeah.

[1996] Well, it seems to me that in Michigan we pluralize everything.

[1997] You say Kmart's, my daddy said I'm going to Kmart's.

[1998] I work for Ford's.

[1999] Right.

[2000] That's all strange.

[2001] Yeah, my best friend, Aaron Weekly thought it was O 'Reilly's Auto Park.

[2002] I still stand by that that is O 'O, it is O 'Reilly.

[2003] Oh, O 'O, O 'Reilly.

[2004] No, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's definitely O 'Rite because I had to prove it to Aaron.

[2005] He was hell -bent on the fact that it was O 'Reilly's, and then we looked up the commercial ones.

[2006] And then we drove by one in a no -S.

[2007] It's double confirmation, double blind test.

[2008] I'm going to have to look into it on my own.

[2009] O 'O -O -O -Riley.

[2010] Yeah.

[2011] No. Yep.

[2012] No. Okay, so the Dodgeball director, he did do some Reebok commercials with Terry Tate, and they were office linebacker commercials.

[2013] So they were like really popular where he was the office linebacker where he would sort of come in and tackle the annoying guy in the office.

[2014] But yeah, they were hysterical.

[2015] And I remember that he would tackle somebody into like the mail cart.

[2016] 2002.

[2017] Yeah, they were funny.

[2018] I watched them today.

[2019] What if O 'Reilly's commercial was a guy clearing it starting went, Oh, Riley.

[2020] It probably wouldn't be a spot.

[2021] That wouldn't.

[2022] Or it would be more.

[2023] It'd be memorable.

[2024] O 'Reilly.

[2025] It sounds so scratchy when you do it.

[2026] It does.

[2027] Yeah, like there's something in there.

[2028] O 'Reilly.

[2029] Oh, Riley.

[2030] Oh, Riley.

[2031] And then he just gets the.

[2032] Deeper, you're clear.

[2033] It's about the higher the O 'Reilly.

[2034] O 'Reilly.

[2035] He has no voice left.

[2036] Oh, boy.

[2037] Queens Day in Amsterdam is now Kings Day.

[2038] What?

[2039] I know.

[2040] They did the opposite of what you would think they would do.

[2041] Yeah, yeah.

[2042] They got less progressive.

[2043] No, Kings Day is a national holiday in the Netherlands.

[2044] celebrated on April 27th or April 26th, if the 27th is a Sunday.

[2045] What's it commemorating?

[2046] The date marks the birth of King Willem Alexander until the abdication of Queen Beatrix in 2013, the holiday was known as Queen's Day and celebrated on April 30th.

[2047] So I guess she got...

[2048] Her own holiday.

[2049] Dehroned.

[2050] Oh.

[2051] And then it became king.

[2052] This is very weird.

[2053] I think the broader point was it's where you go to get fucked up.

[2054] Yes, it's a full party.

[2055] Like our Mardi Gras.

[2056] It is.

[2057] It's the Dutch Mardi Gras.

[2058] Let's just talk really quick about Holland, Netherlands, Dutch, Amsterdam.

[2059] It's so confusing.

[2060] If I can just go on a little bit of a geography tear right now.

[2061] Do it.

[2062] The Netherlands.

[2063] I guess that just means the lowlands.

[2064] I think that's the.

[2065] The general area.

[2066] But Holland is where Amsterdam is.

[2067] And if you're from Holland, you're not hollish.

[2068] You're Dutch.

[2069] But it doesn't even resemble the root word of Holland.

[2070] It's all very confusing.

[2071] Someone will break it down for me on Twitter.

[2072] They sure will.

[2073] But yeah, there's a lot there.

[2074] Because I don't know that people, and they realize when they're going to Amsterdam, they're going to Holland, and they're going to the Netherlands, and they're going to hang with Dutch people.

[2075] But is Holland...

[2076] Um, where the windmills are, yeah, and the tulips and Van Gogh.

[2077] But is that the bit, is that a wider space or a smaller space?

[2078] In the Netherlands?

[2079] Yeah.

[2080] Like, yeah, maybe the Netherlands include Belgium or something.

[2081] Mm -hmm.

[2082] Mm -hmm.

[2083] You're not buying this.

[2084] I don't know.

[2085] It seems like they might.

[2086] There's a bunch of tiny little countries there.

[2087] But that does remind me of the song that I used to sing to Lincoln, remember, because she was the Dutch.

[2088] of Holland.

[2089] Oh, yeah.

[2090] Yeah, it was Dingus von Prangis, the Duchess of Holland, tulips in Van Gogh, them bridges and hashish, windmills, and, and it was just listing anything you could think of about Holland.

[2091] Did you make it up?

[2092] Yeah.

[2093] Well, with the assistance of Joy Bryant.

[2094] Oh.

[2095] Yeah, we used to sing it on the set of parenthood all the time.

[2096] Dingus von Prangis, the Duchess of Holland.

[2097] So then is Netherlands the country?

[2098] Yeah, I think when people talk about the Netherlands, they're talking about Holland.

[2099] But again, they might be talking about Belgium.

[2100] Is it even Belgium?

[2101] Or are they talking about, yeah.

[2102] Belgium's a weird one too because it's Belgium as the country.

[2103] Yeah, Bruges is in Belgium.

[2104] Yeah.

[2105] And the people are Belgians.

[2106] So there's really...

[2107] They're Belgian.

[2108] They're Belgian.

[2109] Yeah.

[2110] Which is, I am.

[2111] 25 % Belgian, and you would think I would know that.

[2112] My grandma Midge is 100 % Belgian.

[2113] Yeah.

[2114] It's not Belgium?

[2115] Nope.

[2116] We're going to circle back on this Netherlands thing.

[2117] It has to include.

[2118] So Holland is probably the new word for Netherlands.

[2119] Okay.

[2120] That holds.

[2121] And then we figured it out.

[2122] I'd like to rename Belgium while we're at it.

[2123] To what?

[2124] Belgium or Belgiania.

[2125] Something that sounds.

[2126] Ew.

[2127] It already sounds like the name of the people that live there, Belgium.

[2128] Because you don't like that it's so close.

[2129] Belgian and Belgium?

[2130] Yeah.

[2131] Well, Indian and India.

[2132] But they've added an N. They didn't change an M for an N. That's bonkers.

[2133] You already had an M. What were they going to do, call it?

[2134] Oh, Rob's got, Rob's going to spoil us pee on our party.

[2135] What is it?

[2136] So Holland is not the country.

[2137] Netherlands is the country.

[2138] Holland's a province within Netherlands.

[2139] in Amsterdam's a city within Holland.

[2140] This is like one of those damn Russian dolls.

[2141] You just keep pulling off the top and there's another area inside.

[2142] You know how frustrating this whole conversation would be to listen to if you were either a geography major or just maybe even had a fifth grader's understanding of geography or even worse sitting in Amsterdam somehow at a hashy hostel listening to this like guys, it's so simple.

[2143] You just get it together.

[2144] Yeah, you get it.

[2145] You live in California, right?

[2146] That's different from United States.

[2147] America, as is Los Angeles.

[2148] I know, but we thought Holland was the Netherlands.

[2149] Yeah, it was synonymous with Netherlands.

[2150] We didn't know.

[2151] Well, we learned something.

[2152] But I can't know everything.

[2153] So I just wanted to remind people that the reason I asked Jason if it made him disgusted to have shoes on the couch is because I get in trouble for having shoes on the couch here.

[2154] You're very naughty with the shoes on the couch.

[2155] Yeah.

[2156] And now I just lean in.

[2157] You currently have a shoe on the couch.

[2158] on the couch.

[2159] I do.

[2160] Exactly where he was sitting saying he would hate to see a shoe place there one day.

[2161] Yeah.

[2162] You're getting the last laugh.

[2163] I'm going to keep doing it.

[2164] Yeah.

[2165] That's all.

[2166] That's it?

[2167] Oh, one more thing.

[2168] Ah.

[2169] And this is where I leave you.

[2170] He said that he walked in on you and he thought his line was happy birthday.

[2171] But I rented the movie.

[2172] No, you didn't.

[2173] I had to because I couldn't find this part on YouTube.

[2174] Okay.

[2175] So I had to rent it.

[2176] and he actually comes in and says, hey, would now be a good time to go over those numbers?

[2177] Oh, referencing me earlier in the day wanting to go over some numbers.

[2178] Correct.

[2179] You know, you can expense report that rental.

[2180] I'm not gonna.

[2181] I will absorb the cost of that.

[2182] I'm gonna see to it you're reimbursed for that rental.

[2183] Absolutely not.

[2184] Did you go through the whole movie?

[2185] No, because that was only the first one minute into the movie.

[2186] for me. And you don't, did you see my anus?

[2187] Of course.

[2188] You did, well, you did you, I didn't see careful.

[2189] I saw it.

[2190] My anus?

[2191] I saw the whole thing.

[2192] I saw up your butthole.

[2193] No. No, no, no, no. That's my worst, worst nightmare.

[2194] Were you thinking though when that scene started like, were you looking for anus?

[2195] Let me tell you what happened.

[2196] Okay.

[2197] I was, I had rented it this morning.

[2198] Okay.

[2199] And I started it.

[2200] And as you.

[2201] As your butt was appearing, your wife walks by behind me. Okay.

[2202] And it seemed like I was just checking out.

[2203] Just watching your butt in the middle of the workday.

[2204] Yeah, but she probably didn't even notice it as my butt, did she?

[2205] No, she did.

[2206] Oh, she did?

[2207] Yeah.

[2208] She knew what it was.

[2209] And then you had to go on some long explanation of why you're doing it.

[2210] Do you feel like she bought it?

[2211] No. I don't.

[2212] I think she's going to have a talking to.

[2213] Me later.

[2214] That is a bonkers scenario to happen.

[2215] I really, I did.

[2216] I was like, I'm not just watching a movie.

[2217] She said, no, I don't care.

[2218] She doesn't care.

[2219] She lets me run amok.

[2220] But more specifically, I'm not just watching a movie of your husband's bare butt.

[2221] I actually think I said, I'm not just watching a movie and then your butt appeared.

[2222] Oh.

[2223] Oh, you're watching it on the television screen?

[2224] No, on my small computer like I was hoarding it too.

[2225] Well, that's on her.

[2226] She was really in your personal space.

[2227] I was in her house Well okay well that does trump it all In her brick shit house Well Monica I just love you And I thank you for those scant As they may have been I found them enjoyable to hear We really did learn something today about Holland In the Netherlands That's true unexpected Good night Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[2228] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.