#78 - Chris Marcus

[0] This is our buddy, and Chris used to work for Flashlight, and he's also a writer and just a all -around cool cat and entrepreneur out there in the world making shit happen.

[1] Thank you, Joe.

[2] So this Lotus thing, you helped design this motherfucker?

[3] I did.

[4] And I wanted to try and recreate, because we do a good job with the exterior of the vagina.

[5] I wanted to do a good job.

[6] Which, by the way, it's completely unnecessary.

[7] Right.

[8] I used to have a joke about that.

[9] If you just put a round hole in the wall, we'll fuck it.

[10] It doesn't have to look like a fake pussy.

[11] But the interior is key.

[12] Yes, that sounds absent.

[13] I wanted to try and create something that was completely.

[14] confusing and really actually felt as close as possible.

[15] And I think I did a decent job with the Lotus because it has this little note in there that's kind of, you know, like when you're getting to the back and you start to feel a little something that's coming in and giving you a little pressure and you kind of slide around it or something like that.

[16] I don't exactly know how it works.

[17] You're talking about the back of a vagina.

[18] But there's like a, yeah.

[19] It's called warts.

[20] You got to be careful with those bitches.

[21] You just hit a speed bump, son.

[22] That bitch needs to go to a doctor and get some shit cold laser.

[23] It's like where the cauliflower where it starts feeling like colophol.

[24] flower.

[25] Right, right, right.

[26] That's, well, I watched some video online once.

[27] That's a G -spot, by the way, in a bored of stupor.

[28] Is that what it is?

[29] Is that what it is?

[30] Really?

[31] But every girl's different.

[32] I mean, you can't really say it's a G -spot.

[33] The cauliflower part is.

[34] Right, but you know what I'm saying?

[35] I'm like, every, it's, there's like certain spots.

[36] It's not, every, everybody doesn't have the same spot.

[37] I always thought that's silly.

[38] Like when you watch like pussy eating competitions or, uh, instructional or, uh, instructional or you ever seen those?

[39] Right.

[40] I've seen a few of them.

[41] Here's an instructional.

[42] When you, when you're eating out a girl and you're like up at the top, put a finger or two in.

[43] and hit the cauliflower and just massage it while you're licking instant orgasms right you pull it towards it almost pressure you almost like in the come hither motion yeah come hither motion but every girl's got a different groove you know like some girls want you just lock on that motherfucker and go crazy and like really fast tons and other girls like gentle slow gentle slow because they don't trust you they're putting no trust in you when you do that I don't know if that's it I don't know if that's it I think girls are sensitive yeah the different shit some girls like it just blah blah la la la la la another girl's like They just haven't gone the other way.

[44] Same with, same with nipples.

[45] I mean, some girls, you whack them with a fly swat.

[46] Some girls tell you to bite their nipples.

[47] Yeah, another girls, you touch them.

[48] Like, whoa, like, it's an interesting thing with some girls that it seems that pain has become some sort of a sexual thing.

[49] You know, it's not every girl, but there are certain girls that pain, for whatever reason, turns them on, you know?

[50] Like, they like to be manhandled and choked and slapped and spanked and shit, and they like to be fucked hard where it hurts.

[51] Like, you look at them.

[52] you know it hurts like you know her face but she's loving it you know what the fuck is that has an evolutionary biological advantage because i think you know sex back in the day was rough brutish short violent you know and you know it just made sense that's how i still rock it made sense is a girl that fuck the new school you know and actually when a girl obviously is more excited she's more open actually she has a greater chance of conceiving i read about that in a book called sperm wars which is a great book yeah but sperm wars i've heard okay i i looked into all this because there was an article that i read a couple articles i read about killer sperm that there's certain sperm that go out and attack other sperm so um i read this on more than one source online and from that book sperm wars but was his name baker yeah i believe his name was dr baker um so then i read um some some different responses to that and apparently there's no evidence to support it whatsoever.

[53] The only evidence to support that there's like some sort of a blocking system going on.

[54] There's evidence to support that.

[55] That there's the reason why sperm is gooey and sticky.

[56] One of the reasons is clogging up the works.

[57] Yeah.

[58] It's trying to clog up the works for other dudes.

[59] And there's also very strong evidence that no matter, there's a direct correlation between, not just strong evidence, but it's been proven, between the promiscuous nature of the females of the population and the size of the testicles in the males, that the males just produce more sperm.

[60] But that's just so they could shoot more loads and have more chances.

[61] It's not that there's actually sperm that are going out there and killing other sperm.

[62] So that sperm war's book is a little wonky.

[63] It's a little wonky.

[64] Yeah, it's a little wonky.

[65] But the idea behind a woman orgasming, opening her up and making her more likely to conceive, then you would think that, well, then the rape thing probably wouldn't be the best thing, the best move.

[66] No, but, you know, if, so how it passes through sexual selection is, is the girl who actually through some genetic mutation finds that attractive, that kind of rough, brute kind of rape scenario attractive is going to produce more some, you know, vaginal fluid, which is going to help conduct the sperm a little better and be able to be more open to it.

[67] So she's going to be more likely to conceive, meaning there'll be eventually over time an advantage for the females who like that kind of dominant scenario in cultures that have dominant sex.

[68] Right.

[69] And they're also going to be cohabitating with dominant males in that way.

[70] You're going to have someone who's going to protect you and get some shit done.

[71] Yeah.

[72] Instead of some weak, three -quarter limp dick dude, just barely stick it in.

[73] He squeezes out a slug.

[74] He's to split it with a poxical stick.

[75] You make your shitty genetic baby to go out and get raped by a Tyrannosaurus Rex or some shit.

[76] All right.

[77] So you were talking about the flesh, like you were designing that.

[78] Yeah, tell us how many designs there are.

[79] The one you were designing.

[80] The lotus?

[81] Yeah.

[82] How many are there?

[83] There's got to be 16, 17, different internals.

[84] And the variations are different tightness.

[85] Like, what is it, different texture?

[86] Whatever you could think of.

[87] I mean, it was really a matter of long, you know, experience with people.

[88] peeling these things out and then you just come up with shit.

[89] You know, like all this would be interesting and you try it.

[90] You know, they build a rod, try it out and some of them are smash hits and some of them are like, meh.

[91] You know, have you ever thought of developing some sort of a cleaning sponge thing, like a very small penis -like sponge that's attached to like, say, a wire or stick?

[92] Like a cum swifter?

[93] Yeah, cum swifter.

[94] Exactly.

[95] Something to get in there and...

[96] Yeah, well, I mean, it's so sticky inside anyways, like so the material is.

[97] It would be tough to come up with something that would actually slide that was.

[98] porous itself that could actually clean.

[99] Otherwise, it would be just like a, you know, a dildo hardness going through.

[100] Has there ever been a recorded instance of a dude using a flashlight, having a venereal disease, leaving his load in a fleshlight, and then another sick fuck using the flashlight and getting that dude's disease?

[101] No. No. No recorded instances of that's possible.

[102] How long will herpes last on the plastic surface of the flashlight?

[103] That's a good question.

[104] It's a very good question.

[105] I don't know.

[106] But we recommend washing them out.

[107] And that's sharish him.

[108] Every now and again, some water would help.

[109] Wait, who you're sharing it with, Joe, that you might be worried about?

[110] I'm just saying.

[111] Don't share your fleshlight.

[112] That's why you have one.

[113] It's all yours.

[114] You don't need to share it with anybody.

[115] This is a kind -looking homeless guy down the street.

[116] I don't want them getting my diseases.

[117] Now, Bobby Lee.

[118] You don't need to share it.

[119] Bobby Lee was on her show last week, and he's a huge supporter of the vibrating one that has the little rechargeable beads.

[120] Right.

[121] Now, he said that they only last five minutes.

[122] Does he have a defect one?

[123] No, they last 60 minutes.

[124] So he has a defect.

[125] Maybe he's just.

[126] Because he's like halfway through and stuff.

[127] It just crushes it.

[128] It just can't handle.

[129] You just squeezes it so hard against the side.

[130] Is that how it works?

[131] The hard of you squeeze it, the more it revs?

[132] No, I don't know.

[133] I mean, these things are, you know, they have a little, little engine, a little off -centered little motor in it, and it lasts about, you know, lasts about 60 minutes.

[134] And it's a beat.

[135] If you move closer to the mic so that we all have the same, we give different volumes.

[136] And it fits right into the slot.

[137] Yeah, so like every one of them.

[138] But little three slots in the head.

[139] And usually you can only fit one or two in there.

[140] with yourself, but we have three slots just in case for whoever's out.

[141] And just vibrates your dick?

[142] Yeah, you know, some people like it.

[143] I think it's more distracting.

[144] I don't really, I'm not a big fan of the vibration.

[145] Yeah, I don't think it feels good on, man. Where is the fantasy?

[146] Because what am I fucking?

[147] What am I fucking?

[148] A corona washing machine.

[149] Fucking a robot.

[150] Right.

[151] Corona washing machine in a hurricane.

[152] During an earthquake.

[153] Yeah.

[154] There's some really good products by another company called Screaming O. And it's like a vibrating cock ring.

[155] And they've kind of taken that market.

[156] Which is awesome for the chicks, but it's, I find it kind of a little bit annoying for me to have it on because the vibration is just distracting.

[157] Like you feel less.

[158] Like imagine your hand like on a massager and then try and like feel something cool.

[159] Propeller you can feel anything.

[160] Right.

[161] And then also, what if like the chick only wants it with that vibrating cock right?

[162] You're like, my cock and balls are not enough.

[163] Right.

[164] Has to turn yourself into a robo.

[165] That would annoy you, man. Robo cock.

[166] Yeah, because I dated a dude.

[167] I dated a chick who dated a dude.

[168] Dated a chick who dated a dude.

[169] and they had a bad relationship and one of the bad problems in their relationship was she got addicted to vibrators like very much addictive and really you got a girl that was addicted to it dude it was first of all what's up with bitches telling you like problems they had with other dudes sexually like fucking stop right because we know you're going to do that to us too you fucking creep you tattletail creep you know but a lot of girls like you know and then he couldn't get it up and then God I was like is it me and you're like half of this is you just trying to get me excited but like look I can get it up fuck him don't worry about him you know engaging in that sort of a weird masculine ego thing where like or you know like wow this poor girl she needs some dick she's letting me know she needs some dick like it's a little banter in game you play but this girl apparently could not come without like for like a long time like she had to wean herself off of it right she had to not use anything for like a year she used to use shower heads she used to use the faucet Apparently, when you're in a tub, you can crank that motherfucker up.

[170] I heard that a lot.

[171] And she was built, she's the perfect height, to slide her pussy right underneath the thing and just get blasted on the snatch by the fucking full stream of water.

[172] And that's how she would orgasm.

[173] She would orgasm doing that, and she would orgasm with vibrators.

[174] And so, like, she would, like, fuck her dude and just be like, you done?

[175] You done?

[176] Okay, good.

[177] Which is got to be annoying as fuck to the dude, you know?

[178] Like, if your chick wants you to put that cock ring on all that.

[179] the time.

[180] Like, come on, really?

[181] Right.

[182] What are we doing here?

[183] Right.

[184] The fuck are we doing here.

[185] Is it all about this?

[186] Or is it by love, baby?

[187] You start becoming the chick, you know?

[188] Can't you just hold me?

[189] Can't you just hold me?

[190] Why do I have to put it in your ass?

[191] Yeah.

[192] It is funny, though, the psychology that changes if you're not, if you don't really feel like you've done the best job you could with a check, you feel like you came a little short, you'll catch yourself being not yourself.

[193] Fuck, yeah.

[194] You seem like a weak bitch.

[195] Like giving extra long massages And like, what am I doing here now?

[196] Dude, yeah, guys who have sexual problems, men, you could always see it in the relationship.

[197] The relationship is always bad.

[198] They can't fuck right.

[199] Yeah.

[200] You know, I know dudes that get addicted to porn, you know, and I've talked to a couple guys.

[201] You know, Bobby Lee was talking to us about it.

[202] That Bobby Lee has a hard time getting it up because he's just addicted to porn because he watches porn so much.

[203] And then, like, you know, you're with like a regular girl.

[204] And you're like, what's all this?

[205] What is this?

[206] What am I doing here?

[207] How good?

[208] What am I doing here?

[209] Where's your heels?

[210] Right.

[211] You know, this is all your real hair.

[212] What the fuck?

[213] You can't even wear your fake eyelashes?

[214] Yeah.

[215] You know?

[216] How come your tits aren't hard?

[217] Yeah.

[218] And he likes the HD one.

[219] He's like pays for it still.

[220] Yeah, he buys the DVD.

[221] So he gets dirty.

[222] He gets out in there.

[223] Yeah, yeah.

[224] Yeah, I don't know.

[225] That's a weird thing.

[226] That's a weird thing.

[227] People get really, like, connected to some one particular thing that turns you on, you know?

[228] And with some guys, man, it stops being regular people.

[229] It starts being to porn.

[230] Yeah.

[231] Yeah, I guess that's, that's the guy's trap is the porn and the girls is the vibrator.

[232] Sort of, I mean, girls get the porn too, right?

[233] Don't girls get addicted to porn?

[234] Yeah, I mean, I know a couple girls.

[235] Esther's addicted to the porn.

[236] Addicted, though.

[237] Like, really, like, a guy addicted?

[238] Yeah, she doesn't like hook it up with it.

[239] Esther had, like, 12 videos on her phone of porn videos.

[240] I don't even have porn videos on my phone.

[241] I just fucking go to, like, you know, some streaming porn sites.

[242] Right, but that might be a factor of the fact that she can't find very many good ones, so she's got to save them.

[243] You know what I'm saying?

[244] Like porn that's good for girls, it's hard to come by.

[245] She bought Jenna Jameson's sweater off the eBay addicted to porn.

[246] Whoa.

[247] How many loads were on that sweater?

[248] Jesus Christ.

[249] You could make a whole army of humans with that sweater.

[250] Just throw that sweater to a few scientists and go, you know, there's some shit in there, do what you got to do.

[251] Get some biological material clone it.

[252] You'd have a goddamn army.

[253] Have you seen Chris's photo from Halloween from two Halloweens ago where they all, him and all his friends all dressed up as the characters from Street Fighter.

[254] By the way, I'm not insinuating that Jenna Jameson is having sex with anyone other than Tito Ortiz.

[255] These are just jokes.

[256] Nobody get a fucking hurt pussy over this.

[257] No sand in your vagina pleases.

[258] These are just jokes.

[259] I love Jenna Jameson.

[260] I love Tito.

[261] These are just jokes.

[262] You might be able to find loads on my sweater too.

[263] How about that?

[264] Maybe more than hers.

[265] That happens.

[266] Maybe more loads.

[267] And maybe Titos.

[268] Maybe I'm experimenting with a gauntlet of loads.

[269] But yeah, on his website, at Warrior Poet.

[270] Chris's website.

[271] Yeah, Chris is Warrior.

[272] Yeah, Chris is WarriorBot.

[273] Worryopoet.

[274] U .S., right?

[275] He's got a great photo.

[276] You got to check it out.

[277] It's hilarious.

[278] I mean, they all look exactly like these street fighting characters.

[279] Yeah, we got the full Street Fighter for 16 -person cast.

[280] He had, like, you had the shaved head.

[281] What is it?

[282] What are you talking about?

[283] Just random people in the streets?

[284] No, all our buddies.

[285] Oh, oh.

[286] We all got together.

[287] Oh, you guys are dorks.

[288] You guys are like those Avatar people that pretend to be blue.

[289] Kill out of Recreate Avatar.

[290] We recreated the fall of home tree.

[291] Yeah, but if you saw that on Halloween, if you saw that on Halloween, you would be like, wow, that's fucking amazing.

[292] There was a really funny online video where it was a spoof of these avatar people that recreate Avatar, and it was like, you know, it was just a parody, but it was really funny.

[293] But the funny thing is that people really do that.

[294] But at least if you're doing Avatar, you're doing something fantastical and fantasy -filled and wonderful.

[295] What are these assholes that pretend they're in the Civil War?

[296] Right.

[297] You know, we're going to recreate a battle.

[298] we're going to come over to the hill right there and then you're going to meet us with cannon fire.

[299] And you know you're going to fall?

[300] Yeah, what are you doing?

[301] That's odd.

[302] Did you guys hear about this?

[303] It would be one thing if they had paintball guns.

[304] Is your website going to crushed?

[305] Yeah, your website's destroyed, so never mind.

[306] Wow, we just crushed your website that quickly.

[307] Welcome to the power of the podcast.

[308] It did you get my webmaster on that.

[309] The mother fucking saga continues.

[310] Yeah, we've crushed many a website on this show.

[311] I actually enjoy doing it now.

[312] I like being able to mention a website and watch that motherfucker.

[313] Hit that.

[314] I'm out bolster the defenses.

[315] It's more of a flaw of WordPress.

[316] We've had problems with ours, man. We've had problems whenever the podcast runs, I've got to separate everything on the two servers because I have a message board and a regular blog.

[317] And when the podcast hits, you can access it through the regular blog.

[318] And when you access it through the blog, it's like everything else just slows down to a fucking creep because there's just thousands of people hitting it.

[319] And really, honestly, not that many.

[320] I mean, it's only like a couple of thousands at a time.

[321] It's amazing how little it takes to crush a website.

[322] you know, a couple thousand hits at once and it just crushed the, what the fuck are we prepared for?

[323] What kind of weak -ass shit is this?

[324] You know, it's not like a television where everyone can tune into the station at the same time.

[325] It's a flawed system.

[326] No, it is.

[327] But if you have a server set up, right, and prepared for that, you'll be fine using like cloud servers.

[328] But the problem is, you know, you get your private server.

[329] And that's just, if you think about it, private server is one computer.

[330] So imagine 2 ,000 people go to one computer.

[331] We have a dedicated server for that and a couple other sites, but we probably should go to the cloud.

[332] Go to the clouds.

[333] to go to the cloud, bitches.

[334] Did you hear about that NBC employee that got fired because he leaked a video of Bryant Gumble and whatever that chick's name from the Today Show from 1994, where they were talking about the internet and they both did not know what the internet was.

[335] The 94.

[336] I know, who the fuck cares, right?

[337] The guy got fired from NBC because he put it on YouTube.

[338] And now NBC's trying to take down the clip from YouTube.

[339] Why?

[340] Because they look like fools?

[341] Yeah, but it's 94.

[342] But play it.

[343] We have to find out how someone lost their job off this.

[344] You know what it is, man?

[345] It's the infrastructure, these old fucks that are still in charge of these corporations.

[346] They just have not caught the fuck up.

[347] Here we go.

[348] That little mark with the A and then the ring around it.

[349] At?

[350] See, that's what I said.

[351] Kay said she thought it was about.

[352] Yeah.

[353] They didn't know what at means, you dumb, cunt.

[354] Can you turn it louder, bro?

[355] No, it's as loud as it gets.

[356] Okay.

[357] You might be around or about in the lightroom.

[358] See?

[359] There it is.

[360] at NBC, GECOM.

[361] I mean...

[362] Well, Allison should know.

[363] What is Internet anyway?

[364] Internet is that massive computer network.

[365] The one that's becoming really big now.

[366] What do you mean?

[367] What do you write to it?

[368] Like mail?

[369] No, a lot of people use it and communicate.

[370] I guess they can communicate with NBC writers and producers.

[371] Allison, can you explain what Internet is?

[372] No, she can't say anything in 10 seconds or life.

[373] Oh!

[374] Allison will be in the studio.

[375] shortly.

[376] What is it?

[377] It's a giant computer network made up of a startup from.

[378] Oh, I thought you were going to tell us what this was.

[379] It's like a computer billboard.

[380] It's not a, it's a computer billboard, but it's making wide.

[381] It's several universities and everything all going together.

[382] Right.

[383] And others can access it.

[384] And it's getting bigger and bigger.

[385] It came really handy during the quake.

[386] A lot of people, that's how they were communicating out to tell family and loved ones they were okay because all the phone lines were down.

[387] I was telling Katie.

[388] But you don't need, you don't need a phone line to operate?

[389] No. No, why not?

[390] I was talking with a lot of people out in L .A. who are afraid to go to sleep.

[391] Really?

[392] Yeah, they're scared to go to sleep.

[393] A lot of people, particularly those who live alone, are afraid.

[394] I mean, they're getting in the bed with the gym show.

[395] How did we segue from the Internet to being scared to go to sleep alone?

[396] Is it clear?

[397] I know.

[398] I'm hoping they'll talk more about the Internet again.

[399] And there are a lot of people now who are suffering from sleep deprivation.

[400] Okay, let's just kill it right there.

[401] That's fascinating.

[402] I'm saving that right now.

[403] I went to keepvid .com.

[404] By the way, if there's anything that you can find on the internet, like a YouTube clip, they're like, oh, shit, if they find out about this, it's going to get yanked.

[405] Go to keep vid .com.

[406] Keep k -e -e -e -p -v -id .com.

[407] And there's an application.

[408] What it lets you do is you put in the URL of the YouTube clip, and then all you have to do is press a, you know, follow the instructions, and pick what resolution you want, what format, and you can download it.

[409] Yeah.

[410] And if you have a Mac, I've got.

[411] notice it doesn't work on Chrome.

[412] Yes, it doesn't work on Safari either, I think.

[413] It works on Firefox.

[414] It does Safari.

[415] Doesn't work on me?

[416] Yeah, it just takes it off.

[417] It doesn't work on Chrome, though, at all for some reason.

[418] Maybe I got it set up wrong.

[419] But I'm not a fan of Chrome.

[420] I use it, but it shows too many distortions on websites.

[421] I've been going back and forth.

[422] I'm still stuck with Chrome for some reason.

[423] I think it's better than Safari.

[424] My problem with Safari is that Flash does not work good in Safari.

[425] Like, I don't know if that's Flash versus Apple, but it seems like Safari Flash crashes way more than it does in You know, why is that embarrassing to them that they didn't know what the internet was in 1994?

[426] It's not.

[427] What the fuck is, why does everyone have to look like they knew everything all the time?

[428] I mean, that's the only one, anybody should be upset at that.

[429] NBC should be fascinated by that.

[430] They should put that online.

[431] They should put that on the Today Show today.

[432] Yeah, that should be funny.

[433] That should be fun, like a fun clip.

[434] Sure, look at us.

[435] Yeah, look at us from, what was that?

[436] And if they released a statement like, and just said, look at this, wasn't this funny back when the internet was in its infancy.

[437] Yeah.

[438] You know, and then people would be like, wow, that's crazy.

[439] Instead, they're trying to hush it, which makes you think there needs to be something to be hushed, which makes you think that these guys are dummies when really they would have been like any of us.

[440] Exactly.

[441] They're ashamed of themselves.

[442] Right.

[443] Which is why Charlie Sheen is the baddest motherfucker on the planet, because he ain't ashamed.

[444] He ain't given any apologies.

[445] He's wearing fake mustaches and picking up hookers.

[446] Yeah.

[447] Fucking Brian Gumble, you pussy.

[448] Is it you?

[449] Are you scared Bryant?

[450] Yes.

[451] You scared at everybody knowing that you didn't know what the internet was.

[452] I bet that's what it is.

[453] I bet Brian Cumble is in a loan in his office, all delusional, detached from society going, who put this online?

[454] I want his job.

[455] You know he's not on the Internet still.

[456] You know he's not on the Internet.

[457] Brian Gubble?

[458] Yeah, he's one of those guys that refuses to go on the Internet.

[459] I don't think you're right.

[460] You don't think?

[461] No, I think everyone's on the Internet now.

[462] If you want to be a journalist, there's not a chance in hell you can stay off the Internet and stay active.

[463] My stepdad, who is a...

[464] Porn will bring you there.

[465] There's nothing else.

[466] My stepdad.

[467] Cudmo's got a ton of fat white broads on his computer.

[468] I bet that's all it is.

[469] fat greasy white bitches eating chicken big black guys could you imagine how badass it would be if you got to Brian Cumbles and all of his shit was like dudes with bones in their noses and giant afros and just the black because he's the whiteest black guy ever right just the blackest of the black all just fucking these greasy fat zit -ass white bitches just trailer bitches with dirty socks on and shit I would love to find what kind of porn Brian Cumbles got on his fucking computer they do you go to one of these shows like the AVN you see these sites and it's like how do you even come up with that exactly but they do it's all so strange isn't it man it's all so strange what people get into but it's this is disturbing to me that someone lost their job for that that guy should have been given a raise you know or at least recognized for his you know for just finding it yeah that's amazing that's a good job yeah yeah I would be laughing if I was Brian Cumble I would be asking you to play that I'd be like play that Jesus cap crick and if you imagine what has changed in 17 years Because it's like, there's nothing embarrassing about not knowing that then.

[470] You know, in 1994, there's nothing embarrassing about that.

[471] And if you're Brian Gumble or the other chick, no, you should hear about this story and fucking write the producers of that show or NBC.

[472] And go, look, do not fire this guy, give him his job back, stopping a fucking retard.

[473] Yes, absolutely.

[474] I 100 % agree.

[475] Yeah, that's a very good point, Brian.

[476] Yeah, this is ridiculous that someone lost their job for that, you know?

[477] I heard a interesting story about the, uh, the kind of the father of the modern computer.

[478] This guy, Alan Turing, was a British guy.

[479] And he basically developed what was going to be the groundwork for the binary system, you know, the ones and zeros.

[480] And brilliant guy created like the touring computing system or whatever.

[481] And also actually helped help the Allied forces decode the codes that were going to the U -boats from the Nazis.

[482] And like created the system that helped do that.

[483] But the fucked up thing was, and what caught my attention is, it's like 1952, he got convicted of gross indecency by the UK because he was a gay man and they the the punishment at that point was injections of female hormones so they started injecting this dude for forcibly with female hormones wait a minute that's the punishment for gross and decency and he committed suicide two years later like tragedy he was only like I think he was under 50 years old what is wrong with the English folks back then that you that would be the punishment And this was like, what year was this?

[484] This was the 50s.

[485] I think he died.

[486] Yeah, 52.

[487] Alan Turing, T -U -R -I -N -G.

[488] That's incredible.

[489] It is.

[490] So what were they trying to do, turning him into a woman?

[491] Well, I guess it was supposed to lower his sex drive, so he wouldn't be humping dudes because he had too much estrogen and whatever else they put it in him.

[492] Who the fuck now?

[493] Can you imagine the horror of like getting state injected female hormones that just made you feel all fucking twacked?

[494] Oh, my God.

[495] Terrible.

[496] Jesus Christ.

[497] After he helped, he helped decode.

[498] the fucking codes for you but he should have been given you know here's 20 boys to a men to adore you you know like no here's a bunch of dudes like where is the fucking honor it's amazing how much things have changed in 70 years 60 70 years you know it's really kind of crazy when you think about it you know how much more things are accepted now and that is a direct result of the spread of information you know people kind of understand that gay people aren't twisted and fucked up and right you know it's like the ignorance is the real issue there's a crazy store that I read today um from, God, I forget where it was.

[499] I think it might have been Florida.

[500] I forget the state.

[501] But a guy stabbed his friend because he found out his friend was a Muslim.

[502] And they apparently, they lived in the same town, hung out together a bunch of times.

[503] They were talking.

[504] They're in their 50s, okay?

[505] They're at a bar.

[506] They're talking at a bar.

[507] And the guy mentions that he's Muslim.

[508] And so the other guy just fucking stabs him in the neck.

[509] Jesus.

[510] Yeah, and he gets arrested.

[511] And he's like, Muslims are the causes of problems with this whole world.

[512] You know, like, what?

[513] You just stabbed that guy in the neck because he said it was a Muslim.

[514] Like, where?

[515] The disassociation with just the grip on reality.

[516] You know the amazing thing, though, really?

[517] And this is something to focus on.

[518] This is something that's actually very important.

[519] We are not supposed to know about that guy because he is fucking nowhere near us.

[520] The real issue with human beings is that we're set up to deal with immediate danger, immediate threats, immediate positive and negative aspects of our life right here and now, what's here?

[521] But now, because of the internet and because of television and the news and movies, we have access to this fucking massive chain of shit that's coming in.

[522] So we're not learning about 300 million people even.

[523] We're learning about billions, the whole world over.

[524] The more fucked up it is, the more you're going to hear about it.

[525] You know, serial killers in Russia, a fucking guy who eats babies, and you go to Slavia, wherever the fuck it's happening, completely unrelated to you.

[526] It's all just going to come swarming in on each to the point where you're fucking completely terrified.

[527] But if you really look at it, as long as you don't live in the shittiest of shitty neighborhoods, if you really look at it, it's amazing how well people get along.

[528] Right.

[529] It really is quite amazing.

[530] If you really stop and think about it, that we can get through 30, 40 years of a life and never been in a fistfight, I know a lot of guys who have never been in a few, you never been in a fist fight, right?

[531] I've been two.

[532] Two?

[533] But they were middle school and, like, freshman.

[534] It's amazing.

[535] I've lived, I mean, I've lived a life around a lot of that, and it was only two years ago that I got.

[536] in my first actual street fist fight.

[537] Well, I mean, if you go to bars, it can happen.

[538] It can happen.

[539] But it's amazing how rare it happens.

[540] It's incredible how rare it happens.

[541] Even at UFC's.

[542] I mean, how many times we've been to UFC, though the audience is drunk.

[543] It's at least 10 % skull t -shirt wearing meatheads, right?

[544] At least 10%.

[545] And still, very few fights.

[546] Yeah, but that's another factor at work there.

[547] If you fight someone at a UFC, you're never a big risk.

[548] Yeah.

[549] You know, because there's someone from, you know, American top team who hasn't made it to TV sits next to you wearing that same t -shirt.

[550] Check his ears, homie.

[551] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[552] It's not a mouse living inside his ear.

[553] Yeah, it's a little risky to be popping out of us.

[554] But there's also, you know, dudes think they're the fucking man. Oh, of course.

[555] The fucking man. Of course.

[556] I can't believe.

[557] Rashad Evans pulled out that fight that pussy.

[558] Like guys will, like, you know, send me Twitter messages or email messages called Fighters Pussies.

[559] And I'll just go, oh my God.

[560] Do you know how silly?

[561] This is like, this is like a little baby crying right now.

[562] This is just nonsense.

[563] You're saying nonsense.

[564] You're telling me a professional cage fighter is a pussy.

[565] Even the worst professional cage fighter is not a pussy.

[566] The worst one that's ever lived.

[567] He's not a pussy.

[568] Even if he fucking taps out after he gets hit a bunch of times, you would tap out quicker stupid.

[569] Right.

[570] Right.

[571] Let's not...

[572] No, I wouldn't, bro.

[573] I feel no pain.

[574] I have no fear.

[575] Yeah.

[576] No fear.

[577] People loved to make up shit.

[578] I was reading up all the shit that Stephen Seagal's made up all through his career.

[579] because there's a whole thing going on right now where Steven Seagal told everybody that Anderson Silva he taught Anderson that cake which is kind of what he's supposed to do, right?

[580] I mean there's videos of him training with Anderson.

[581] Well, fuck it, Anderson that barely even speaks English.

[582] Just run around tell everybody that you taught him it and you know what, Anderson's so cool, he'll probably be like, yeah, yeah, he taught me, he's a good guy with Steven Ziggas.

[583] I always thought that was just him playing a goof.

[584] But Anderson played a goof, Anderson might be playing a groove.

[585] Didn't he do a little wing chung in the ring?

[586] Well, he always does that.

[587] He'll do a little like moving the hands funny and he's just letting you know he's ready to fucking explode in your face to kick you in the chin yeah that was a ridiculous fight was ridiculous is he really saying that is he really saying that he's the one that taught him yeah stephen's really saying and boss ruton went fucking crazy and boss ruton i'm gonna go do an advertisement for his gym so i'm gonna try to get him on the podcast too because boss ruton will have some fucking amazing stories of brawls and holland he's just a savage i love boss ruden but boss went crazy on twitter and he's like what planet is he from did he learn this from fucking disneyland he's like boss rutons go crazy on twitter He's angry at Stephen Seagal.

[588] I heard an unverified story about when Gene LaBelle and Stephen Seagal had a...

[589] Yeah, that's a true story.

[590] That's an absolute true story.

[591] Gene LeBelle told me that story.

[592] Gene LeBelle told me that story.

[593] He doesn't actually tell you the whole story.

[594] Well, you know, Stephen was trying to say that no one could choke him out.

[595] You can't choke him out.

[596] You had this move.

[597] This move stopped you from choking out.

[598] So, you know, I said, all right, Stephen, let's try it.

[599] I get him in the headlock there.

[600] I get him in the rear naked.

[601] he takes this hand, the free hand, and then you just karate chops me, right?

[602] And, you know, the old sisters.

[603] And there's like, you know, the way Gene O 'Bel talks, but he wouldn't even say his balls.

[604] He's like the nicest guy ever.

[605] He would say something like, right in the old Johnson.

[606] You know?

[607] And then, well, and then I guess he got tired after doing that, and he just fell asleep.

[608] And I guess maybe he forgot to go to the bathroom.

[609] So he went to the bathroom then.

[610] Oh, that's hilarious.

[611] Holy.

[612] And if you know Gene LaBelle, Gene LaBelle is like, first of all, he was like one of the original mixed martial artists.

[613] He's a judo guy that had cage fights or it wasn't a cage.

[614] It was a, you know, basically a mixed rules fight where he fought a boxer.

[615] You know, he fought a boxer with his judo guy on and took the boxer down and beat his ass.

[616] You know, Gene was like, he's like the guy that taught Bruce Lee about grappling.

[617] You know, Bruce Lee back in the day thought you could just karate kick everybody in the head and that was the shit, you know.

[618] And Bruce Lee actually worked on a lot of like more effective things like leg kicks and short range techniques, wing chung and boxing punches and stuff like that.

[619] But he really wasn't aware about grappling until he hooked up with Gene LaBelle.

[620] And Gene LaBelle's a fucking gorilla.

[621] He's just, you know, a national champion judo player.

[622] And he's just so fucking ridiculously strong.

[623] And I'm sure he grabbed that little 135 -pound Chinese man and had him fucking shit in his pants going, okay, now we learn grapple.

[624] You know what I mean?

[625] You had to learn grappling after you fucked around with Gene LaBelle.

[626] So Gene LaBelle telling the story, you know, it makes it extra funny.

[627] That would be classic.

[628] But he was at the UFC again.

[629] He's in Anderson Silva's corner Oh nice He's always Steve Seagal's always In Anderson Silva's corner I don't know Yeah How did they get together I don't know I'm just like a fan And he wanted to hang out Well I'll tell you what dude The bottom line is Whatever you think Might think silly About Steven Seagall The motherfucker was a serious Ikeido guy You know like if you watch His Akeeto videos He's not completely full of shit All right I'm not a fan of Ikeeto I think it's silly nonsense But if you're gonna get good At silly nonsense Which I kind of did I got really good at Taekwondo Right And a lot of that's silly nonsense.

[630] A lot of that shit doesn't work when dudes are shooting doubles on you and drop it elbows on your face.

[631] Steven Zagal learned the different kind of silly nonsense.

[632] And it's not all silly nonsense.

[633] It's just that out of all of it, what percentage of it would actually work against someone knew what the fuck they're doing.

[634] That's the most important thing about martial arts.

[635] It's got to work on someone who knows how to fight.

[636] Right.

[637] You know, like you always talk to those street fight guys.

[638] Like we practice street tempo.

[639] We work on street campo basically a lot of techniques involving mailboxes, whatever you're find in the street.

[640] Yeah, you know, how to slam a guy into a newsreader.

[641] It's like, they all have like fucking techniques.

[642] Well, you take your keys, you put them in between your knuckles.

[643] Now you essentially have a deadly weapon in your hand.

[644] You know, like your keys are poking out.

[645] How long does it take to get your fucking keys and stick your knuckles in them and hold the...

[646] Get the fuck out of you.

[647] I mean, if you're getting in a fight, do you really want to puncture someone's throat?

[648] That sounds like something that you're tied at rape school.

[649] You know, don't get raped ladies.

[650] Put your keys in between your hands.

[651] Yeah, that's like life and death and stuff, you know.

[652] Yeah.

[653] Yeah, those rape classes Are you ever see that When they put the guy puts on the big blue suit And the wheel and scream no And just kick them Yeah Kicking is the move man Lying your back and learn how to kick Learn how to use a guard Learn how to pretend If a woman wants to learn how to fight She should learn Jiu -Jitsu Because the reality is It's very rare Unless you're like an exceptionally strong women Like I've met some women That have like good bone structure They're strong And you're like wow this chick punches She could fucking hurt you Like one of the dudes who worked for Fear Factor had an assistant And she was just like You know corn -fed girl just fucking not fat at all she was like only 130 pounds but this bitch could punch so hard it was ridiculous she like told me she was like I can punch really hard I'm like okay I hit my hand and she hit my hand I went god damn and I thought about like her punching me in the face I'm like this bitch might be able to knock me out if she sucker punched me like she fucking hits hard you never know but most girls can't do it most girls don't know how to punch that hard it's a rare thing so for most girls if they want to learn how to fight they're going to learn how to use their legs and learn how to grapple because if you learn a jiu -jitsu you could really immobilize someone who's much stronger than you, just with technique.

[654] It seems like a good triangle choke should be a mandatory.

[655] It's hard to do if a guy knows.

[656] I mean, if a guy knows how to fight, you're fucked.

[657] Well, no, but in a rape scenario.

[658] Yeah, but at least you can try to hold on to.

[659] You're going to be in guard anyways, right?

[660] You know, I mean, I suppose there's a good chance they could slap that on.

[661] It's possible.

[662] The guy would know what was going on, you know, and choke him out.

[663] Hold on his fucking leg.

[664] Make sure he doesn't slam you.

[665] But you have to, you know, you have to learn how to use your legs because your legs are what's carrying you around all day.

[666] You know, for a woman, her arms, you don't even realize what percentage weaker your arms are.

[667] And that's what your main weapons are?

[668] You're thinking about hitting someone with your hands.

[669] You know, what are your hands doing all day?

[670] They ain't doing shit.

[671] They're carrying your purse and fingering yourself, right?

[672] That's not a lot of energy expended.

[673] You don't mean why, your legs are carrying 150, 130, whatever the fuck you weigh.

[674] They're carrying that around all day.

[675] Your legs are ridiculously strong.

[676] It's like an ostrich.

[677] You know, you get a hold of an ostrich wing.

[678] What is that going to do?

[679] They don't even work.

[680] They don't do, but they'll kick a fucking hole in your chest, those big, meaty, ostrich's thighs, those R -Krum looking, remember R -Krum?

[681] You know R -Krum is, the comic book artist?

[682] Yeah, I used to draw all those women with those big giant ostrich asses.

[683] Awesome.

[684] He said, what a weird artist.

[685] You ever see that movie, that Krum movie?

[686] Yeah, it's fascinating, man. Fascinating movie.

[687] Did you watch the Super Bowl?

[688] Of course not.

[689] I don't give a fuck about football.

[690] Did you sleep?

[691] I didn't even know who won.

[692] Not only did I not know who won.

[693] I didn't even know who was in it until after it was over.

[694] I had no idea.

[695] I am completely blissfully unaware of football.

[696] I don't get it.

[697] but what I did get was that Christina Aguilera fuck up with a national anthem oh I love when someone fucks up I don't know why and look if it was me I would be embarrassed too but there's something about every one of us that loves when someone fucking chokes how do you like I know nerds and stuff but you're a singer so how do you fuck up the one song that everybody knows you ready yeah she's fat oh that's why you can't look forward to the next she was thinking of hamburgers the first one listen bitch you ain't tricking anybody by wearing black, it ain't dark out, okay?

[698] We see a large black object on our screen, you know?

[699] She's thinking bacon ate her, bacon ate her, bacon ate her.

[700] What are you doing?

[701] I understand divorce is hard on everybody, sweetie.

[702] That's good, but you've got like a billion dollars, and you need to hire a fucking trainer, okay?

[703] Eat some vegetables every now and then.

[704] Now, did she fuck up once or twice, or did she?

[705] I don't know the words of the national anthem, but it was definitely wrong.

[706] All right.

[707] Let's listen to it.

[708] Yeah, let's listen to it.

[709] She apparently fucked up the lyrics and switched it.

[710] around and repeated lyrics and some shit yeah and like this you could look over and see football players in the audience and they they were mouthing I think she fucked up they were like mouthing I think she fucked up to honor America listen to this guy's fake voice that guy should be at a strip club in Ohio coming to the state he'd be the king he'd be the king of all strip from DJs right there no he's just Still okay.

[711] This is still according to script.

[712] I'm reading the lyrics.

[713] Yeah, that's good.

[714] That's what she fucked up.

[715] Or the ramparts we watched.

[716] Oh, she fucked up.

[717] She said that twice.

[718] Yeah.

[719] Oh my gosh, she fucked up hard, dude.

[720] That's still okay.

[721] She just fucked up that part.

[722] Yeah, over the ramparts.

[723] Yeah, she repeated herself twice.

[724] or repeated herself once You gotta think about the song I mean this is talking about bombs going off in the sky You know It's a ridiculous song We are such cock suckers The United States I always say that the United States Is the balls of the dick that's fucking the world That's what we are as citizens In this crazy ridiculous rocket shooting Fucking We got rockets in our own lyrics The National Anthem has rockets in it.

[725] And bombs.

[726] Back then, we were fighting for freedom, Joe.

[727] We're talking about the glare of rockets.

[728] The red glare.

[729] The red glare of rockets.

[730] Like so many rockets that had changed the night.

[731] You already did that one.

[732] Did it twice, fellow.

[733] How sad is that?

[734] That poor girl fucked up like that.

[735] That's pretty rough.

[736] Dude, people realized it too.

[737] But they still cheered.

[738] I wonder if she got off going on if anybody knew.

[739] I wonder if anybody knew.

[740] Well, I think how her style was of singing, like, I couldn't even understand when she was like, so much that I think, I don't know.

[741] I think that style of singing sucks.

[742] Yeah.

[743] I don't like it.

[744] Rather, change.

[745] Yeah, I mean, you can like what you like.

[746] It's okay.

[747] You know, I'm not saying that I'm right and you're wrong.

[748] All I'm saying is, I think it sucks.

[749] I don't like it.

[750] Yeah.

[751] I think that style is that.

[752] Yeah.

[753] Yeah.

[754] It's like, you're just showing me what you can do with your voice.

[755] You know?

[756] Like, what does that girl name?

[757] Natalie, what the fuck's her name singer?

[758] God damn it.

[759] She's got a beautiful voice.

[760] Nicole?

[761] Natalie.

[762] She does, I'll look it up on iTunes right here.

[763] She does it, but when she does it, she does it like, it's like she's not doing it like to try to, just to try to make the, her voice sound different.

[764] Like, she's, like, expressing herself a certain way.

[765] I think you should think about the words of the song and watch her.

[766] And if it accentuates the message of the song, then do it.

[767] Nellie Furtado, that's her name.

[768] Yeah.

[769] Like, put on that song, I'm like a bird.

[770] Put it on.

[771] Just do it.

[772] Who gives a shit?

[773] It's fucking, fuck serious.

[774] I want to hear this goddamn song.

[775] Because it's interesting.

[776] We have to edit this out.

[777] I'm sure they have some sort of intern system.

[778] They could find someone.

[779] You can go, hey, dude, there's some songs up in this bitch.

[780] Why don't you go find them?

[781] Yeah.

[782] But my point is that there's a difference between someone who's got a beautiful voice and someone's got a beautiful voice and they have to fucking show everybody.

[783] it's like a dude who's all oiled up wearing a tank top and walking around town it's like all right dude I know you work out okay it's 30 degrees out well I got a tank top on it okay you fucking dummy with your stupid voice yeah yeah you got something there you would think that someone you know it's like Stephen Pressfield in the war of art talking about professionals and not professionals that's a not professional that's a not professional thing to do is to just have to overdo something to show what you're capable of.

[784] It's like someone should show up.

[785] Do the job.

[786] Do it as good as you can and go away.

[787] Absolutely.

[788] It's like someone who wants their guitar solo no matter what, even if it fucks up the song.

[789] And there's a lot of that out there.

[790] Because the guitar solos would get you all that sweet pussy.

[791] It's just me. There's a spotlight on me. I hit that guitar and I just feel it.

[792] Yeah.

[793] Like this in this girl's voice.

[794] This girl has a gorgeous voice.

[795] The wind.

[796] She's a pretty girl.

[797] And when she sings, though, you know that she's got this incredible range, but she's not using it to be a douche.

[798] She's using it.

[799] Like, she's trying to make the song write.

[800] Turn that up, Brian.

[801] Like that, man. That's beautiful.

[802] Listen to this.

[803] Like, the way she sings bird.

[804] That bitch can sing.

[805] She's thinking about a bird, too.

[806] You know?

[807] It's not bad.

[808] All right.

[809] All right.

[810] It's real, man. It's not flashy.

[811] show busy horseshit.

[812] Even when she does that, you know, she stretches it out, but it makes sense, you know?

[813] Are you listening, Christina?

[814] Put the fucking donuts down and go running.

[815] We're going to get this together, Hooker.

[816] It's not too late.

[817] It's not too late.

[818] What are you, 30?

[819] Okay?

[820] Pull it together, whore.

[821] I'll date you.

[822] Brian will fuck up your life more than food ever could.

[823] I could look like you're Jewish.

[824] You will be so stressed out, you will lose massive amounts of weight.

[825] I shouldn't have called her whore.

[826] searching for a word.

[827] I meant Hooker, but I'd already said it.

[828] I bet she's awesome to hang out with.

[829] You call a chick hooker and it's okay.

[830] Like, shut up, Hooker.

[831] You're just playing around.

[832] But you just say, shut up, whore.

[833] You're like, hey, what are you doing?

[834] Hooker's like a funny word.

[835] It is.

[836] You know?

[837] But it's the fucking same thing.

[838] Like, girls call each other Hooker all the time, and it's funny.

[839] You know, I always calling people Hooker.

[840] Like, in the audience, too.

[841] Like, someone will yell some out.

[842] I'm like, shut up, Hooker.

[843] Sit the fuck down.

[844] But it doesn't really mean whore, you know?

[845] It means, like, freak bitch.

[846] you know like sit the fuck down you wacky broad you know you know you know right but whore so I apologize Christina don't let me make you eat more don't let me make you run to that fucking cupboard start pulling out cookies and if you listen to this podcast and you probably don't let's be realistic but you never know man never know I mean it is on the internet but if you listen we're just fucking around right don't get upset but it couldn't be funny if it wasn't true okay we're gonna deal we all going to deal with our own little shortcomings in this life and you like food and you don't like to work out and we need to fucking rotate those need to rotate those so Chris what's your new business about what it's open now right last time you were on here it wasn't open you were talking about it was just about to start so what is it so I basically took a need that I had you know where I'm a guy who parties hard works hard works out hard and um dude you sound like the ultimate male just parties You know, you don't always sleep.

[847] And, you know, like on most people's counter, you know, I just saw your counter.

[848] You know, tons of supplements, like a ton.

[849] Like, you have to take a bunch of different stuff.

[850] Yeah, you have to put it all together.

[851] So what I created was basically a conglomeration of the best combination of ingredients I could and put it in two pills, two different types of formulas.

[852] So one formula is an antioxidant vitality formula, gives you a ton of energy without the caffeine, which further dehydrates you, causes bad shit in your body, and starts eliminating.

[853] the free radicals that are coming in, so you actually feel good and have more energy as you're going out.

[854] The other one, and so that's for like during a party or pre -party.

[855] It's actually super good for working out too.

[856] Right.

[857] Because it just makes you feel better and it doesn't get you all wired.

[858] That's the day quill.

[859] Yeah, that's basically.

[860] It's called roll on.

[861] Yeah, roll on.

[862] So what's your company?

[863] Onet Labs.

[864] And is it onetlabs.

[865] Onet .com.

[866] Onet .com.

[867] Onet.

[868] And the other ones for the morning.

[869] O -N -N -I -T?

[870] O -N -N.

[871] Double -ins.

[872] Ooh, you trick people, though.

[873] That's confusing.

[874] I know.

[875] Who's O -N -I -T?

[876] I don't know.

[877] That motherfucker is owning your business, man. We need to get another website.

[878] That ain't going to work.

[879] That's going to fuck people up, dude.

[880] The double end?

[881] That double end's a mess.

[882] You're going to lose money from that double -end.

[883] Did you try OnItlabs .com?

[884] With one end?

[885] I like the double.

[886] Well, because I don't want it to be too literal, you know, like On It.

[887] You're just trying to lose money.

[888] It's just a name.

[889] It's just a name of money.

[890] I hate money.

[891] He fucking hates money.

[892] But, so then there's a recovery formula.

[893] You hate money.

[894] Joseph, you hate money.

[895] So my manager says, oh, we did this show in Vegas this weekend.

[896] And, well, I shouldn't even talk about this.

[897] He's going to get mad if I talk about this.

[898] What?

[899] I can't say anything.

[900] I got, I got to pull out.

[901] So, Onet Lab, so N -N -I -T, so it's Onet .com.

[902] And all this stuff is available right now for sale.

[903] I know.

[904] Right, right, right.

[905] So shit that kills hangovers.

[906] Well, yeah, so the recovery formula is more focused on your brain.

[907] because if you're not sleeping, if you're party and doing anything, you're not restoring your serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, all of the brain chemicals get restored during deep sleep.

[908] If you're boozed up or if you're partied or you can just restore those with pills or just help it a little bit?

[909] Well, you can help it quite a bit because 5HDP is the building direct precursor to serotonin.

[910] Right.

[911] And when combined with B6, which is the catalyst, which converts 5HDP to serotonin, you can actually start rebuilding serotonin way faster.

[912] Otherwise, it would take weeks to rebuild.

[913] Really?

[914] If you blast out your serotonin and you have the 5 -HDP with the vitamin B6 pyridoxing, then you can actually recover your serotonin faster.

[915] So that's why people feel bummed out after they haven't slept and they get cranky.

[916] This would be perfect for like if you're dancing with Molly.

[917] What?

[918] Hypothetically.

[919] If you were doing ecstasy or doing some kind of drug, that would be perfect for that.

[920] Right.

[921] Dancing with Molly, you're talking about there's a type of ecstasy called Molly, right?

[922] Right.

[923] Pure.

[924] Right.

[925] And yeah, I mean, obviously the product would work extremely well for that.

[926] because not only is it restoring your serotonin, which is actually what makes you feel good is the ecstasy releases too much serotonin in your body.

[927] Also, the other formulas are going to start mitigating the neurotoxicity associated with keeping your body at that kind of high level of reverberation where all your HT transmiters are just all blocked up and the serotonin is running wild, which makes you feel great.

[928] But it's doing some, it's doing a little bit of damage, not like the, you know, like the studies that said it fries your brain.

[929] What does it what does it do?

[930] Like the studies that say that ecstasy was holes in your brain?

[931] Yeah, those were actually, it was mixed with methamphetamines.

[932] Okay, so methamphetamines does that.

[933] It was a bad sample that they were using, and methamphetamines does that.

[934] You know, it's kind of a metaphorical way, but it does serious, serious damage.

[935] You know, ecstasy from what, you know, there's actually a big study by Rick Strassman now in post -traumatic stress for MDMA.

[936] Really?

[937] And, yeah, soldiers coming back from the war, they're all tweaked out.

[938] They can't trust anything.

[939] They're shaking and bombs are going off in their head when they hear something slam on a table.

[940] right the MDMA well pure MDMA I shouldn't call it ecstasy that's kind of the street name for the drug but the pure MDMA it creates an environment where you're trusting and loving of the universe again and so they're able to go relive some of these things and say okay that was war but you know what this isn't war like this is this is life and life is good there's beauty in this life and really with some of the studies coming back they just did a think a 20 person study got the results done it's through maps maps dot org right and uh great which is the Center for Psychedelic studies.

[941] Rick Stasperin's running it.

[942] What does MAP stand for?

[943] Multi -disciplinary something.

[944] Psychedelic studies.

[945] A multidisciplinary association of psychedelic studies, something like that.

[946] But yeah, great study that came back.

[947] But what Ecstasy will do is obviously it's very dehydrating so you wouldn't want to take any caffeine or anything like that because your body's trying to get rid of it, just like any drug you take.

[948] Your body's trying to do that.

[949] And when your body's trying to get rid of something, you get dehydrated.

[950] It's also has some neurotoxicity associated.

[951] I mean, if you're going to be.

[952] be in that level of high reverberation, free radicals are just going to be peeling out of your body.

[953] Really?

[954] Yeah.

[955] I mean, it's that stress.

[956] It's that kind of stress that's causing, you know.

[957] Where'd you learn all this stuff?

[958] Did some research.

[959] Did some research on it.

[960] You know, I mean, obviously the, you know, psychedelic research and a lot of this is up my alley.

[961] Plus, with the supplements, just dealing with the formulas that I have.

[962] And seeing kind of the damage that a lot of people in my generation are going through who are partying hard.

[963] And, you know, some of them are doing drugs.

[964] not advocating doing it, but a lot of people are doing it.

[965] And they're doing it in a way that's really damaging their ability to move on with their life and, you know, handle business as well as they should.

[966] So, you know, while these forms aren't designed specifically for that, they do obviously really help.

[967] Because it's just like, that's like the ultimate level of putting attacks on your body, doing your party and with drugs.

[968] It like takes it to the other level.

[969] So, so the rollover formula has five HTTP directly converts to serotonin, el -tryptopin, which is actually the building block of 5HTP so it's more like a time release also the same thing it's in thanksgiving turkey makes you kind of sleepy kind of brings you down for many of your big high experiences i only did ecstasy once and i decided right after i did it this is probably not a good thing to do yeah it's because it felt terrible the next day you need the recovery for me right well i don't know i think i need the whole box well there's a couple things happening you have neurotoxicity built up and you have low serotonin from what's from what's happened so um you know it can make you I want to try this.

[970] Yeah, totally.

[971] I want to try this stuff too.

[972] I think it's fascinating.

[973] There's a whole new area of interest these days, and that's mine chemicals, like mind vitamins, what they call neutropics, a bunch of different substances that increase circulation to certain areas of your brain, increase the workload, rather, of certain areas of your brain.

[974] I love that stuff.

[975] I think it's so amazing.

[976] Yeah, it's fascinating.

[977] People have figured out how to do that, you know.

[978] It's really amazing how many different substances.

[979] is on this earth, interact with the human body.

[980] Like I gave you guys some stevia.

[981] We have coffee here instead of sugar.

[982] We have stevia.

[983] And stevia is like this natural sweetener that doesn't have any calories and it doesn't fuck you up and it doesn't jack your glucose levels or, you know.

[984] Yeah, it's really good.

[985] Yeah.

[986] It dissolves in a cup of green tea.

[987] Yeah.

[988] And it's interesting, you know, that there's all these different things like caffeine, you know, things that jack up your, you know, your chemistry and get you.

[989] going.

[990] It's amazing how many different things there are.

[991] And what's also very interesting is that the lobbies that try and block these things.

[992] Like stevia, you know, I don't know the facts exactly, but I know that the sugar lobby put up a big stink about stevia, like a big stink.

[993] I'm sure.

[994] They created some issues.

[995] Like I don't think like Coca -Cola in other countries, Diet Coke uses stevia.

[996] But in the U .S., yeah.

[997] Coca -Cola.

[998] Nine percent sure that Coke uses stevia.

[999] I know there are some sodas that use it.

[1000] I definitely know that.

[1001] But then, but they don't use it here in the U .S. just because there's such a stink about it.

[1002] The sugar lobby is done.

[1003] Hillary Clinton was asked yesterday about, let me find the article so I can, because it's so ridiculous.

[1004] It just shows what the fuck is wrong with this country.

[1005] Yeah.

[1006] Mexican Coca -Cola's in bottle.

[1007] You can buy out in L .A. and they use real cane sugar still in Mexico.

[1008] So when you have like a Coke in the bottle out here in L .A., it's so weird tasting it.

[1009] Because it kind of remember, you kind of remember as a kid drinking it and tasting my coffee.

[1010] Here's what here's what Hillary Clinton said.

[1011] They were talking to her about the war in Mexico and drugs and this just goes to show you how fucked up the drug lobbyists in this country are and the pharmaceutical lobbyists and how much influence they have.

[1012] We can't legalize drugs because there's just too much money in it.

[1013] That's what she said.

[1014] This is an exact quote.

[1015] You know?

[1016] I hear the same debate.

[1017] I hear it in my country.

[1018] It's not likely to work.

[1019] There's just too much money in it and I don't think that you can legalize small amounts for possession but those who are making so much money selling they have to be stopped.

[1020] Oh, you mean like pharmaceutical companies pushing oxycontins in Florida like they're fucking kit cats is that what you mean and it's so dirty how they do it too like even el triptophen el triptophen is you know it's going to boost your serotonin a lot of those drugs prozac paxil all these things they fall in a category called SSRIs selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and all of those drugs are basically operating on your serotonin mechanism giving you more serotonin well altriptopin 5 htpp does this naturally they give us one bad batch of eltrophin that came in from Japan.

[1021] It was tainted.

[1022] It had some bacteria that grew in it.

[1023] Like it could happen to fucking vitamin C, whatever.

[1024] They logged on to that and just started pounding the FDA outlawed it for like 10, 12 years until finally people were like, this is ridiculous.

[1025] Stuff helps you relax, helps you sleep, build serotonin.

[1026] But the drug lobbies have just huge power.

[1027] You know, I mean, huge power to be able to alter things.

[1028] It's incredible that she would answer this that way without the obvious, but obviously there's a lot of other drugs that are legal in this country, like alcohol and tobacco, that cause a lot of damage.

[1029] I mean, they don't even look at the whole picture when they're answering.

[1030] They're so used to people not completely questioning them.

[1031] You're right there, fellow?

[1032] There's something going on with their mics.

[1033] They start echoing or something.

[1034] There's an arrogance to these type of answers, you know, that you're supposed to be the person with the answer.

[1035] Someone asks you a question.

[1036] And here's your answer.

[1037] and you know logically that this answer is ridiculous because it discounts all the money that you get from drug companies, from pharmaceutical companies.

[1038] What about all the money you get from alcohol companies and tobacco companies?

[1039] What about all that money?

[1040] Where is that?

[1041] How does that factor into your thing?

[1042] Well, it doesn't.

[1043] They just stop the conversation.

[1044] And it's like, it's a sickness.

[1045] It's a sickness that we allow this.

[1046] It's a sickness that politicians can say retarded shit like that and not just be blasted all over the news for being hypocrites.

[1047] I mean, what they should have on CNN tonight is Hillary Clinton's quote And then all the fucking money she got When she was running for president How much of it is connected to pharmaceutical companies And how much of it was connected to alcohol companies And backer, yeah, how much Where's the lobbyists?

[1048] Where who's paying them?

[1049] You know, what has she voted for in the past?

[1050] What has she tried to keep legal?

[1051] You know, come on, man, you fucking criminals You dirty, stinky, corrupt criminals Every one of you fucks If you're not screaming in the streets You're a fucking crook.

[1052] I've gotten pretty fired up on the same topic recently and I just got to found a video from Milton Friedman who is a pretty famous libertarian and economist and he was actually talking it's just a real breath of fresh air to listen to him because he's quoting John Stuart Mill, the philosopher, basically saying like the only right the government has to impose on our freedom is if we're hurting somebody else.

[1053] Like the bottom line, period.

[1054] Like no other statements.

[1055] And the video that I actually have on my site is Milton Friedman talking about, seatbelt and helmet laws.

[1056] And he's saying, I mean, he's saying like this was a litmus test, the seatbelt and helmet laws of the government imposing their will upon people.

[1057] And nobody really cares that much about those laws.

[1058] But he's like, this is a sign of what they're doing.

[1059] They're saying they know better than you what's good for you.

[1060] And they're going to make you do this.

[1061] He said, it's your fully your right to wear, it should be, fully your right to wear no helmet on your on your motorcycle.

[1062] Like it's not going to hurt anybody else.

[1063] Yeah, it's a stupid risk.

[1064] You shouldn't do it.

[1065] It's not advocating wearing no helmets but that's your right and the government has no fucking business telling you otherwise it's like you telling brian that he has to wear a helmet and if he doesn't you're going to lock him in a cage yeah so you're really no difference between you and the government i mean you know other than the fact that supposedly the government is supposedly elected to represent you which gets very questionable it's very very very fucking gross yeah god damn it but you know the the other point is too that if you're if you create all these laws that people find is immoral you you You know, they begin to distrust the whole system.

[1066] Like, you have to follow these laws.

[1067] Like, people don't look at police as they should.

[1068] Like, police should be saviors.

[1069] You know, like, oh, thank God, the police are here.

[1070] Right.

[1071] You know, you're having a party.

[1072] Everybody's happy.

[1073] Things are good.

[1074] You're like, oh, fuck, there's a fucking police outside.

[1075] Right.

[1076] You know, it's like, when you create a system like that, that's when things get fucking twacked.

[1077] There's a cop in Los Angeles that claimed to have gotten shot outside of a school.

[1078] And he was apparently bullshit in the entire.

[1079] time and they went this massive manhunt looking for this guy who shot the cop and he gave a description and everything it was a white male with a fucking great ponytail you know you're thinking some crazy biker type character right turns out it was just complete fabrication this guy now did he shoot himself I don't know they didn't find a bullet or anything they're investigating so I don't think they've made an official statement but the official statement is that the cop has admitted that he lied that no one really shot him so what the fuck man and they apparently cost $500 ,000 for this manhunt.

[1080] And that's only what it costs a stake, because I was trapped in that traffic.

[1081] And I was like an hour and a half out of my schedule for the day.

[1082] That's a good point, right?

[1083] How many people lost money?

[1084] How many deals didn't get closed?

[1085] How many things didn't...

[1086] Eventually, you're going to be able to have something in your car just like let I talk shit on your iPhone, where if you're stuck in traffic, you're going to be able to press a button and have a fucking direct conference video call with people.

[1087] You know, they're going to be right there looking right at you, you know?

[1088] Like, so you can have a meeting in your car.

[1089] car.

[1090] That's how it should be now.

[1091] That's how it's audition should be now.

[1092] Why not, man?

[1093] I fucking love having calls in my car, man. That's the number one reason why I went to Verizon.

[1094] I went to Verizon over AT &T was because I had the iPhone and I fucking drive around, man. My phone just would cut off left and right and it would piss me off.

[1095] It would drive me nuts.

[1096] Yeah, AT &T is bad here.

[1097] Verizon fucking almost never cuts off, man. It's amazing.

[1098] I mean, it's like, it's so much better.

[1099] It's not 20 % better or 30 % better.

[1100] It's like 50 % or 60 % better.

[1101] You know, like AT &T was just cutting out everywhere.

[1102] And Verizon might fuck up every now and then, you know, you go through some weird hilly area or something where there's no signal period.

[1103] But it's just fucking AT &T was brutal.

[1104] And my car, when I get in, it's got that Bluetooth thing where it sinks up and then the voice comes through the speakers.

[1105] So you can have some pretty cool conversations and you're not taking your hands off the wheel.

[1106] It's just like someone's in the car with you.

[1107] You know, like you're having a fun conversation.

[1108] It makes driving so much more interesting by yourself.

[1109] But fucking AT &T, you can't pull it off.

[1110] Supposedly Verizon with this new iPhone is actually teetering your download.

[1111] speeds because they're trying that's how they're trying to I guess they're regulating it yeah yeah yeah what is the word staggering it staggering it yeah whatever the word is if you if they find out you use a lot they're going to cut your shit down and then like you'll have like half the download speed or whatever a fraction of the download speed that you had before that's annoying that is annoying you know what else is annoying that it's a world phone and that they don't have that part activated yeah because I have a blackberry with Verizon I thought about using the iPhone for Verizon but you know with the UFC I'm always traveling to England and traveling around the world.

[1112] I got to go to Australia in a couple weeks.

[1113] I couldn't deal with having no phone over there.

[1114] That would annoy this shit out of me. Yeah.

[1115] You know, but they don't have it yet.

[1116] You think that they're going to activate it later?

[1117] Maybe it's just something that they're waiting on Apple to get, you know, like the software part put in there somehow.

[1118] I don't know what the fuck it is, man. It's kind of annoying, you know.

[1119] Yeah, it seems weird that it's in the phone, but you can't use it.

[1120] It makes no sense at all.

[1121] Hey, Chris, we can hear you peeing, man. It's not peaking.

[1122] It's your water phone.

[1123] They put doors on bathrooms for a reason.

[1124] So what didn't you want to talk?

[1125] talk about in Vegas.

[1126] Can I tell you what happened to me in Vegas?

[1127] Yeah, yeah.

[1128] Tell me about the hooker story.

[1129] Oops, sorry.

[1130] I forgot.

[1131] I forgot that that was the whole story.

[1132] That was what was funny about it.

[1133] We're just telling the story anyway.

[1134] So we were out.

[1135] This is what happens.

[1136] Let me tell you something.

[1137] What happens?

[1138] We were all drunk and it was three o 'clock in the morning or whatever the fuck it was.

[1139] I'm laying in my hotel room, conked out, and my phone starts vibrating and it's Brian.

[1140] Yeah.

[1141] And so what happened to me is we all separated after the bars and we, you know, went to are a separate hotel or separate elevators or whatever.

[1142] So I get in an elevator and right before it closes, this girl does like the arm thing to get to get in the elevator.

[1143] So I'm like, oh, hey, she was like this girl that looked just like Kim Kardashian, a little bit, you know, even taller than me, fucking wearing a nice dress, like tan, just look really like rich, I guess, and just top, top of the line shelf girl.

[1144] I have to comment real quick, how many girls say they look like Kim Kardashian on like Facebook.

[1145] Don't I look like Kim Kardashian?

[1146] Oh, is that a thing?

[1147] So I hit 10.

[1148] I was on floor 10 and she hit 9.

[1149] Then she starts texting and just not paying attention.

[1150] I was just looking at her tits, wasn't paying attention.

[1151] The door opened and shut.

[1152] And then right when I was shutting, she goes, fuck, I missed my floor.

[1153] And I just jokingly, because I was so wasted, I had the balls of this.

[1154] I jokingly said, you can crash in my room.

[1155] And then she looks at me for like a couple seconds, goes, okay.

[1156] And then the elevator door opens.

[1157] And I'm like in shock.

[1158] I'm like, she's not, you know, she's fucking with me. I get out of the elevator, she just follows me out.

[1159] My room was right down there, started walking.

[1160] She's just following me. We're not talking.

[1161] We're not saying anything.

[1162] I just look over at her.

[1163] I'm smiling.

[1164] She's like smiling at me. And then I open my door up.

[1165] The door opens, shuts, she fucking immediately pushes me against the wall, grabs my dick, starts making out with me just for like a good minute or so.

[1166] So what's going through your head, right at that point?

[1167] Like, don't fuck this up.

[1168] Don't fuck this up.

[1169] No, it's, fuck, yeah, fuck yeah.

[1170] This is awesome.

[1171] I'm making out with a girl that I have to be on my tippy toes to make out with.

[1172] And then she goes, $1 ,000 if you want to play.

[1173] And I was like, oh, you're, I thought you were a real girl.

[1174] Did you see that to her?

[1175] Yeah.

[1176] It was going right when I said, I'm like, oh, that's not a bad.

[1177] But then she goes, no, honey, no. And she goes, all right, that's cool.

[1178] Well, I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry.

[1179] I'm so sorry.

[1180] I thought you're just, you know, a real girl.

[1181] And then she goes, no problem.

[1182] And then she goes, here's one for the road or something.

[1183] like that and then she just starts making out with me again and I'm thinking like do I pay her five bucks for that and then I'm also thinking I'm also thinking like a thousand dollar hookers that's like top grade hooker that's not like a normal Mandalay Bay hooker right that's like a Charlie Sheen hooker right could have easily been her first time being a hooker and she's just a crazy bitch right I mean she's so fucking hot though I think she was just a high class one that happened to be just got done blowing Jay Z and then and you know what's crazy is her mouth tastes like Red Bull and socks and I remember thinking that like wow did she just drink her red bull and chew on a foot after blowing some beer that's what happened and then and then after that happened i called joe and i can't believe this happened and then i'm thinking like do i like run down the hall and tell her like hey after you work if you want to just you know spoon later or something like i'm thinking like all these gay thoughts we don't have to do anything we just don't have the money but if you want to hang out hey i'm cool oh that's hilarious and what's crazy is this girl that i'm dating here and there like when i came back I'm like making out with her and she goes she goes all right so you didn't kiss anyone but that hooker this weekend right and like that's worse I could kiss five miscellaneous girls but I kiss one hooker that's fun you're okay with that because of the story's funny dude don't complain just accept the gifts the universe is giving her enough don't complain Vegas was fucking awesome thank you to everybody who came out the show sold out we did that awesome giant theater to mandalay big theater this is the biggest place I've ever done in Vegas.

[1184] It was like 1 ,700 seats.

[1185] It was awesome.

[1186] Yeah, that was good.

[1187] How did it feel to be on stage?

[1188] Because it seemed like that's hard to grab a whole theater.

[1189] I mean, this was like where you see the play Cats.

[1190] This is not just a theater.

[1191] This is a huge theater.

[1192] Well, it was the Lion King.

[1193] Oh, Lion King.

[1194] Lion King.

[1195] That's one.

[1196] Not Cats, man. They're all the same thing.

[1197] Fucking Cats.

[1198] The Lion King is actually entertaining.

[1199] Cats is done.

[1200] Everybody realized that Cats is a scam about five years ago.

[1201] They're like, what the fuck are we watching?

[1202] Did Girl take me to see Cats once when I was like, fucking 19 I was dating this girl She took me and I was 19 I was a wild monkey All right I was a savage I couldn't sit down And watch something stupid Like cats And I was sitting there And it was an hour and a half And then it stops And you get an intermission And I'm like get your shit There's nowhere we're staying I just get your shit And we're gonna go Right We're not gonna watch these fucking people Parade around In a cat outfit This is a terrible show It's terrible Cats is one of those things That is just a mind -numbing assault on your attention span.

[1203] By the time you get done, if you take a girl to see cats, by the time you're done, your self -esteem is so low.

[1204] You can barely get it up to fuck her because you've just been abused by some terrible entertainment.

[1205] And then you finally go, what the fuck is wrong with her that she likes this?

[1206] And why am I with her?

[1207] And what am I doing with my life?

[1208] These are the type of people that I'm hanging out with, someone who likes cats.

[1209] Like, you're fascinated by these fucking retards prancing around in giant cats.

[1210] First of all, they don't look anything like cats.

[1211] They look like people with stupid outfits on.

[1212] Anyway, the Lion King is nothing like this.

[1213] The Lion King is actually exciting.

[1214] Yeah.

[1215] We were in the Lion King Theater.

[1216] It's a Mandelaide Bay Theater.

[1217] It's where they show the Lion King.

[1218] But it was huge.

[1219] It was a fucking, it's like 1700 seats, giant fucking room.

[1220] Did you feel like you had to change your style anyway?

[1221] No, I've done a bunch of big rooms before.

[1222] You know, like the place I do in Edmonton, when I do to Canada, that's more than 2 ,000 people.

[1223] The place I did in Calgary, that was like 2 ,000 people or 1 ,800 people.

[1224] people, Toronto is somewhere, somewhere around that.

[1225] The next one we're doing in Toronto.

[1226] Tickets are going to go on sale soon.

[1227] I know everybody keeps asking me about Toronto.

[1228] I think they go on sale this Friday.

[1229] But it's a theater in Toronto, and it's like 2 ,500 seats.

[1230] So I'll tell you all about that shit.

[1231] There's a secret link, too, that I just got to send.

[1232] I don't know if you're allowed to tweet that link or if it's...

[1233] Well, no, because they're not up yet, right?

[1234] What's the name of the theater?

[1235] It would seem like the different experience would be doing, like, full...

[1236] Coliseum, 15 ,000.

[1237] Well, that's almost impossible to connect with people.

[1238] But I feel like you can still connect with people if there's a, you know, I think like, you can get a couple thousand people and if they're cool, everybody can have a good time and you're still in the groove.

[1239] But, you know, you get to like some, I heard Larry the Cable Guy does like football stadiums.

[1240] He does like 50 ,000 people.

[1241] That's insane.

[1242] Wrap your head around that shit, son.

[1243] Just wrap your head around that.

[1244] Massey Hall in Toronto.

[1245] That's where it is.

[1246] And that'll be on April to 20.

[1247] Like I said, tickets, I think, go on sale on Friday.

[1248] But, you know, 50 ,000 people he does, like the whole fucking football stadium, Phil with Larry the cable again, cable guy fans, that's impossible to connect to those people.

[1249] I mean, yeah, you hope you do.

[1250] You get the people in the front and you lock eyes with them and keep the party rolling.

[1251] But, yeah, there's not a lot of room for ad libit and fucking around.

[1252] No, you know, it's just here's the show, bang, bang, bang, you got to bust it out and is short and tight in order as possible.

[1253] you know the best thing about small clubs like we're going to do uh sal's comedy hole in la this weekend brian's going to do it too brian does it all the time and it's on melrose real intimate place like when it's filled i think it only gets like 70 or 80 people right they're they're expanding it yeah he bought the place really recently sal used to have a place on lebraya right was it really another small place a fat like a hundred or so and what uh he did was he bought a new place and then with the new place he's expanding the back area and then it's going to be like a 300 -seater but for right now it's like really small and um sal uh you know he's got this like just a it's just a sweet setup he's like always does open mics all the time every day yeah it's always like promoting comedy and trying to get like young comics to really get into it and you know and help him out one of my friends from south park he's making a movie uh called serial comic and uh it's about a comic that's like mixed with dexter and he's never done stand -up comedy and so I was hanging out with him last night and he's like you know because I'm doing this movie I think I need to know what it feels like and so him and the other guy went on stage and did their first stand -up out of the blue like no material and they did good for the first time with no material just going up and I told him like just tell a funny story just tell some stories that's happened to you know and try to do it on stage they both did now they're addicted to it now they're like immediately like fucking first hit if you do good man you do good you get that bug the best thing you know Shit gets crazy.

[1254] It's real.

[1255] There's a difference in doing a large audience, but it's not a bad difference.

[1256] It's good for a show.

[1257] Like a special.

[1258] Like, doing a special.

[1259] Like, I want to do one special, at least, where I do it in a comedy club because the last one I did in a big theater.

[1260] I think when you do a special, though, it's really kind of got to be.

[1261] Here's the jokes.

[1262] Here's the jokes.

[1263] Not that much fucking around.

[1264] Here's the jokes.

[1265] You know, it's like it's not the same as like a live audience.

[1266] They appreciate, you know, more fucking around and ad -libbing.

[1267] And it's like a, a looser, more open thing, but in transmitting it to a DVD, it really should be, you know, the material kind of as it's written, you know?

[1268] So the difference is that if you're doing a big theater, you just don't feel like you have as much slack, you know, like when you're like a little seat, a little hundred -seater, it's like a little tight, intimate club, you feel like you just, there's no pressure, you know, we're all just fucking around having a good time.

[1269] Whereas it's like 2 ,000 people, it's like, okay, I'm here to do a show.

[1270] You know, get ramped up.

[1271] Like Joey.

[1272] Like Joey, like, Joey can't.

[1273] came out guns, blazing.

[1274] That was crazy.

[1275] Joey knew it was a show.

[1276] He destroyed.

[1277] He slaughtered.

[1278] I mean, people were fucking pissing this.

[1279] I fell down.

[1280] I fell down laughing.

[1281] Yeah.

[1282] I said that, you know, I told them after the show, I told a bunch of people.

[1283] I think that's the funniest I've ever seen anybody do.

[1284] I don't think I've ever seen anybody killed.

[1285] Rose to the occasion.

[1286] Yeah, 15 minutes of just destruction.

[1287] Just went out there and Hulk smashed.

[1288] It was pretty badass.

[1289] But, yeah, Joey knows how to do those kind of rooms.

[1290] He just goes out there and hits him with his best shit over and over and over and over again, you know.

[1291] but the theater was badass it's fucking really big and so we're going to do it again on july third i think it is yeah i think that's what it is yeah it's whatever the uh the next there's going to be um a weekend and whatever the friday is july second so it's july first because july second is the ucc it's july fourth weekend but july fourth is monday so i'll be there on the first july first you know which kind of show i don't know if you guys have ever seen it but in the big stadiums i talked to a hypnotist actually and he was saying the bigger the stadium it seems like that would be hard to do hypnotize someone with all that pressure but the bigger the stadium like the easier the people go to sleep wow somehow yeah like it's it's it's inverse of the opposite of what i think it's there's just this i don't know i mean for whatever reason i don't know i can't deeply delve into the psychology of it but somehow that that type of environment they get these people on stage which is unbelievable to me because i can't imagine being hypnotized personally myself But they'll go right out And then obviously they do all that kind of wacky stuff But those shows are pretty interesting to me That you know they can take somebody in that environment Where they're already nervous And like people are watching me holy shit And put them right the fuck out You know why Because some people are weak Some people are supposed to be hit Well and then they do Short circuit Some people are supposed to be led And they do subtly take the people out Who aren't falling asleep and they just go away So they start with 12 the end with, you know, it's amazing how they know.

[1292] You know, I used to do shows back in Boston with this guy named Frank Santos, who was the R -rated hypnotist, and he had a killer fucking show.

[1293] He used to do it at Stitch's Comedy Club.

[1294] And when I first saw it, I was 21, I was totally skeptical.

[1295] I was like, there's no way this guy's going to hypnotize all these people.

[1296] 20 minutes into it, you know absolutely 100 % that these people are hypnotized.

[1297] And the crazy thing is this guy like mumbles.

[1298] Like, Frantianianian, he's talking like this.

[1299] How's everybody doing, ladies and gentlemen?

[1300] Okay, I'm like, count of three, and about three, you're going to go to sleep.

[1301] One, two, three.

[1302] click.

[1303] Pitches are asleep and like, what the fuck?

[1304] I barely understood what this guy said.

[1305] But meanwhile, he's running around touching.

[1306] Oh, your boobies, your boobies are so happy.

[1307] You're going to play with them right now.

[1308] You're going to play with your boobies.

[1309] And chicks would just start playing with their tits.

[1310] Yeah, really?

[1311] Yeah, and he would say, you right now, you, my friend, you have a raging erection.

[1312] Whoa, you can't even believe it.

[1313] You can't believe your erection.

[1314] The guy looks down as erection.

[1315] He goes, and who's underneath you right now?

[1316] Madonna!

[1317] This was like 1980s when, you know, you didn't jump away and disgust and horror.

[1318] You know, those fucking vainy minds.

[1319] monster dick arms.

[1320] She's got like dicks for arms.

[1321] That's what they look like.

[1322] They look like someone's hard dick.

[1323] Madonna's arms.

[1324] They're like someone's...

[1325] The head is there delta or whatever you talking to?

[1326] Dicks.

[1327] Because they're all vainy and fucking weird and sinewy and shit.

[1328] It looks like a raging dick.

[1329] She's got raging dick arms.

[1330] But anyway, he would do this bit.

[1331] You know, Madonna's underneath you.

[1332] And guys would nut in their pants.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] She'd give it to you, give it to.

[1335] And you're going to come.

[1336] And the guy would like lay there like this.

[1337] And you'd go, get the fuck out of it.

[1338] You realize the guy just nutty.

[1339] in his pants.

[1340] No way.

[1341] Oh, 100%.

[1342] For sure.

[1343] Dude, Frank Santos is a master.

[1344] And I know he still does shows, yeah, in the East Coast, around Boston and Rhode Island.

[1345] I think he's originally from Providence, Rhode Island, and he did, he used to have shows.

[1346] He used to book shows, too.

[1347] He was one of the first guys I actually headlined for.

[1348] He headlined me and he had this little room that he did in Rhode Island.

[1349] Really, really great guy.

[1350] But he was, uh, the funniest hypnotist, too, because he was always like really dirty, ridiculous shit that he would make these people do.

[1351] But when it was over, you know, he'd wake him up and snap him out of it.

[1352] Man, the look on their face like they didn't have a fucking clue.

[1353] It was like Eddie Bravo after a night of Jack Daniels.

[1354] It was just just fucking who where?

[1355] Where am I?

[1356] Whose clothes are these?

[1357] I bet his sex life is awesome.

[1358] Eddie Bravo?

[1359] No no the hypnotist.

[1360] Because he just hypnotize the shit?

[1361] Yeah, that's funny.

[1362] You just said that because there was a guy who was a hypnotist slash comedian at the comedy store and he was really gross.

[1363] He was kind of a creepy dude who at one point in time was like kind of funny like back in the 80s but something happened along the way and he never really hit and he was always kind of stuck around and went up to him like cruises and weird shit but now so now he's like in his 50s and not successful and creepy and really not funny he would go on stage and not be funny but he was always trying to hypnotize bitches that was his move and so one time i was at the comedy store like one of the last times i was there and i went to the cover booth to ask something and he was in the corner with his chick and all i heard was no i'm not going to let you hypnotize me well that's the thing like you have like apparently trust is a huge you can't just go around hypnotizing around random people.

[1364] He was trying.

[1365] He was just swinging.

[1366] No, he was asking, let me hypnotize you, let me get me tell you.

[1367] Yeah, because they got to accept it.

[1368] I wonder if you're drowning, my dick is a read.

[1369] You're in the lake.

[1370] There's only one way to breathe.

[1371] Talk my dick.

[1372] It starts biting it.

[1373] I need to eat.

[1374] Like a read from those missing in action movies.

[1375] They would always hide from the Viet Cong by grabbing the read and they would go under and breathe through the read.

[1376] But bitch, try breathing through a fucking read when your heart's beating 150 beats a second.

[1377] Snorkels are hard on.

[1378] Jesus Christ.

[1379] God damn.

[1380] breathe through a fucking read.

[1381] I tried breathing for a snorkel, a shitty one that I bought at like some convenience store.

[1382] It's terrible.

[1383] Yeah, not the easiest.

[1384] It's claustrophobic.

[1385] And if you added about another foot and a half to snorke, it'll be nearly impossible just because of the heaviness of the air.

[1386] Oh, really?

[1387] Yeah, that's what does it.

[1388] It's the compression of the air, even under a little bit of water.

[1389] So I guess 30 feet is an entire atmosphere, I believe, of pressure, like it doubles your whole atmosphere.

[1390] So whatever varying degrees of that, but that's what makes it so hard.

[1391] It's because you're sucking, you know, heavier air through that uh that uh that's heavy dude yeah well it's just hard breathing through first of all hard through it too and and for the longest time i used to have to only breathe through my mouth because my nose was busted up but i got my nose fixed they opened it up and now i could breathe through my nose and my mouth and i'm like oh sweet oxygen come to me and so when i'm in the the water with that shitty scuba thing i was like this is fucking gross just breathing it only out of your mouth again it's annoying you get a bit claustrophobic yeah you get a little claustrophobic and you also realize like how you know how you need your nose to fucking breathe with like i have friends that have not had that operation the deviated septum operation and they're due to fucked up noses i'm like bro get that shit fixed man i'm telling you and some guys are like well i'm just gonna break it again anyway like fighters and i'm like so what break it again anyway trust me get it fixed it fix it now because you know you don't realize how much more you can breathe out of your fucking nose when your nose works you know you got like 30 % more cardio that way and you smell farts way better.

[1392] And I always knew when Brian was smoking, this motherfucker, tell us he quit smoking.

[1393] I'm like, bitch, I smell cigarettes.

[1394] Damn you in your new nose.

[1395] Yeah, I know.

[1396] That sucks.

[1397] Vegas was fun, though.

[1398] We had a good goddamn time.

[1399] That was the best time we were had.

[1400] There was the best audience we ever had in Vegas, too, for sure, right?

[1401] Don't you think?

[1402] Oh, yeah, definitely.

[1403] It was great.

[1404] But what was even better was Ari and Joey Diaz at the UFC.

[1405] Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[1406] Ari and Joey dropped acid at the UFC.

[1407] And they kept on, like, saying they were going to dose me the whole week.

[1408] And they weekend like you're either going to take it or I'm going to dose you and you're not going to know about it so you choose what you are impression that that's I didn't want to yell it but listen cock sucker well now that we have these we have these puff shields because people are complaining about our peas what do they call pop shield pop shields or something yeah we're fucking professional folks this is we've reached the next evolution of this fucking thing I like to hide behind them but uh Joey and Ari by the time we went to dinner right after the fights they were fucking blasted just glassy eye and what's funny is it is it's funny is it a couple times ago UFCs ago there was this time when I think it was one of the first times I ever went to the UFC with Ari and Ari was like dropping down on the ground he was being so emotional about the whole thing and he's like oh by the way I never told you this but that time I was on ecstasy and I'm like well that makes sense what UFC did he take excesses?

[1409] It's the one where what's his name with a short guy with the long hair play Guida yeah his mom was sitting on one side on the ground crying because they were fighting and then Ari was on the other side on the ground going like acting really weird and I thought Diego Sanchez I can't imagine Clay Guida Clay Guida no that but no it wasn't that fight because that fight was it the palms yeah no no this was in Vegas and I remember it was in Vegas it was it the big arena no it's the small arena oh so it wasn't the palm yeah because I can't imagine his mom crying oh so it must have been that one yeah so his mom's freaking out on one side and Ari is freaking out on the other side And I always thought, like, wow, I never went to a UFC with Ari.

[1410] But, man, he's really into the UFC.

[1411] And he's like a 1940s, like, he would sit there and be like, yes, like, yes.

[1412] Like, I was thinking, like, wow, he's that really.

[1413] You guys didn't go to very many at the Palms.

[1414] That might have been one of the only ones you've ever went to there, right?

[1415] No, I've been to about five at the Palms.

[1416] Have you really?

[1417] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1418] Oh, was it the Hard Rock?

[1419] I'm confusing one.

[1420] Yeah, I've never been to the Hard Rock.

[1421] Okay.

[1422] We used to do them at the Hard Rock, you know?

[1423] Yeah.

[1424] The Palms is the best place to see.

[1425] Yeah, it's my favorite place for the UFC.

[1426] Yeah.

[1427] There's not a bad seat in the house.

[1428] No, it's awesome.

[1429] And even though, like, the first level, it's, like, perfect height, you know?

[1430] I fucking wish they were all at the palms.

[1431] The only thing that sucks is that, well, it's awesome for the people that are in the back.

[1432] That little back area, like, behind the, these, like, most of the seats are facing one side of the octagon.

[1433] And then there's just some bleachers on the other side of the octagon, which is, like, the dopest seats ever, which is where they sit, like, rock stars and shit.

[1434] Yeah, you know, but it's like, you know, there's, it's only, like, how many thousands of seats?

[1435] Four, four thousand?

[1436] Yeah, it's not much.

[1437] It's fucking incredible, man. It's incredible.

[1438] I believe it.

[1439] super intimate too they do comedy shows there cat williams does uh comedy shows there but um so he was on ecstasy at this time yeah that time and so that that explains it because i ever since this when todd duffy was in your way and you wanted him to move and no one could get him to move yeah that was i think that was like standing up right in front of brian's seat screaming come come out of the fence yeah he's one of those guys that just stood up the whole fight yeah like you don't stand up the whole fight if something crazy happens sure everyone stands up together kind of thing even though that's annoying but he he stood up the whole fight in front of me And I'm not going to say anything to the guy, but that wasn't the fight.

[1440] This was one where we were sitting like in the front row almost, like on regular chairs.

[1441] Okay.

[1442] So you guys got the sweet seats.

[1443] Yes, sweet seats.

[1444] But, and so then I always thought ever since then I'm like, wow, I never knew Ari loved the UFC that much.

[1445] That's really crazy.

[1446] By the way, those seats in the floor are not as good, right?

[1447] No, no. One above is the best.

[1448] Yeah, one above is the best.

[1449] And even like this last one, we actually had the second one, like front rows, but the second tier.

[1450] Right.

[1451] And it was perfect because we just.

[1452] kind of looked over the whole ring.

[1453] It was like nothing was in the way.

[1454] No cameramen were in the way.

[1455] When they hit the ground, you could see the ground.

[1456] So it was awesome.

[1457] The floor is like the pimp spot.

[1458] You know, you're like, I'm on the floor, bitch.

[1459] You know, but it's really not.

[1460] It's like, it's a good showy spot.

[1461] It's like deep in the floor.

[1462] Yeah.

[1463] Right front wall floor.

[1464] The only good thing about the floor is looking at Jenna Jameson the whole time.

[1465] Or whoever, you know, she brings with it.

[1466] Tito in his really fancy suit.

[1467] Anybody who has to wear a lot of fancy suits.

[1468] You know, it's a, it's a kick -ass event.

[1469] There's nothing like it.

[1470] I mean, you think like you watch them on TV, but it's different when you're there.

[1471] Like, it is just...

[1472] The Coliseum!

[1473] Yeah, it is.

[1474] Or he texted me in the middle of it, in the middle of it while he was on acid.

[1475] He goes, how is this not like Rome in the Colosseum?

[1476] He texted me while he was blasted on acid.

[1477] And I thought it was an interesting text, you know, I mean, but we always think this and we always say this.

[1478] I said, right, word, you know, that's what I said, back to him.

[1479] But then, if I had known it, he was on acid, you should have said, by the way, I'm on acid.

[1480] But they don't want me to tell, they don't want me to tell you until, I don't know why, but they were like, okay, you can tell Joe now.

[1481] And so I told you.

[1482] Probably because they were worried about me talking about in the air.

[1483] Yeah.

[1484] Joey Diaz and Ari's, you fear, we're on acid right now.

[1485] Enjoy your replay.

[1486] But it was funny because the whole time Ari's like tears in his eyes, just so emotional.

[1487] Like when the graphics, that's kind of how it should be a little bit, though.

[1488] When the graphics came on, he's just like, oh, this is so great.

[1489] Yeah.

[1490] And I wouldn't take it because to me, I've done acid a thousand times.

[1491] but it's like to me acid is nature acid is being with your friends camping acid is sitting on your couch watching pinkful away the wall it's not in a coliseum with thousands of crazy fucking people I think actually mushrooms could be fine I mean mushrooms could actually be better than acid because that's kind of more of a transmutable feeling like I mean obviously the Vikings would take mushrooms and berserkers before they would go into war like you can really maneuver it around The Vikings were really into the amnita muscaria.

[1492] That was their shit.

[1493] That was it.

[1494] Which is a weird mushroom, man. The berserkers would get all hopped up on that and we're invincible.

[1495] Yeah, that's a tricky -ass mushroom to get right.

[1496] I did it once and it was not good.

[1497] Didn't work.

[1498] It gave me a weird effect, but then we mixed it up with Cubensis mushrooms and it was a blast off.

[1499] Like somehow the two of them together just went, wha -phew!

[1500] But the amnita muskaria by itself is very tricky.

[1501] Apparently, it varies not just genetically, but geographically and seasonally.

[1502] So it's like you've got to get the right strain from the right part of the world.

[1503] Like I found some of my property in Colorado when I was up there.

[1504] And I was like, I'm not even going to take this.

[1505] It's probably not even going to be worth it, you know?

[1506] I'd be too scary.

[1507] You can acquire immediately, actually.

[1508] I know what it is.

[1509] It's pretty clear.

[1510] Really?

[1511] Yeah, there's no doubt.

[1512] When you see an amnated mascara, you know what the fuck it is.

[1513] Big red cap.

[1514] Looks like Santa Claus.

[1515] It is Santa Claus.

[1516] Don't just go eating any red cap.

[1517] I like that's, like, it's so tempting when you see.

[1518] you like a mushroom in your backyard like one of those big poofy ones you just want to cook it they just look delicious right yeah you have a cow pasture back there yeah you better know your shit yeah yeah the only the only good ones grow out of cow shit really there's and there's some that look very close to psychedelic mushrooms that give you just irreversible liver damage yeah just some of them they just fuck you mushrooms are so weird man like some of them are super nutritious and other ones will just fucking crush you yeah don't do all kinds of stuff like the rishi mushroom gives you a lot of good energy and stuff from it too.

[1519] It's not psychedelic and not just nutritional.

[1520] Health -wise, like Chaga, the Chaga mushroom is really good.

[1521] I started taking that recently.

[1522] I could imagine, if I was at, the greatest moment for me was the Rampage Chuck Liddell buildup.

[1523] The fight wasn't obviously that good, but that moment in that ring was fucking unreal.

[1524] It was just the energy that was built up.

[1525] Just people had someone they wanted to win for that fight.

[1526] What's the biggest fight you've ever seen?

[1527] Was that it?

[1528] That was probably the biggest, I would say.

[1529] I mean, for me, I mean, I've seen some, yeah, I'd have to say that was it.

[1530] People cared the most about that one, I think.

[1531] You're going to have to come, well, you're going to have to come for Brock Lesnar, Junior Dos Santos.

[1532] Yeah.

[1533] That's going to be chaos.

[1534] Yeah, I saw Brock beat a UFC 100.

[1535] Who was that?

[1536] Was that mirror?

[1537] Yeah, it was a rematch.

[1538] Saw that one.

[1539] That was big.

[1540] That was a good event.

[1541] But there's nothing so magical as the.

[1542] There's a few big ones coming up, man. You've got to go to that one, though.

[1543] Brock and Junior Dos Santos.

[1544] I don't know when it's scheduled for it.

[1545] It's GSP next.

[1546] He's in Toronto.

[1547] He's going to be fighting in April against Jake Shields.

[1548] That's a good fucking fight.

[1549] He wins that.

[1550] He gets Anderson, right?

[1551] Yeah.

[1552] Good luck.

[1553] What a prize.

[1554] I would go with...

[1555] I would fucking slip on a banana peel on the way of the locker room.

[1556] Yeah.

[1557] I would go to GSA.

[1558] I sent you that text.

[1559] The amazing thing is, like, I do, I kick front kicks, you know, and I have a little target, little tag on my bag.

[1560] And I can sometimes kick the cap.

[1561] or whatever like that in the letters.

[1562] But the way his accuracy in a fight where people are moving and he wrapped all five toes around Vitor's chin just perfectly.

[1563] Didn't even sprain a toe doing a front kick.

[1564] I had never seen anybody get knocked out with a front kick before.

[1565] After that, a couple of people sent me some videos.

[1566] Like there's one from K1 Max.

[1567] Some Japanese guy landed a badass front kick right to the jaw.

[1568] Same thing, knocked the dude out cold.

[1569] The guy fell back like he got shot.

[1570] His was actually better than the Vitor one because Vitor wasn't totally out.

[1571] Vitor was moving still This guy just bam Just fell back like he got shot Front kick right to the jaw It's just so hard to land on people The guy in K1 Max though He threw a gang of them to the body first He threw a bunch of them to the body Over and over again And then just shucked one up to the face And caught the dude perfectly on the jaw And knocked him unconscious Yeah I'd never seen any In all the MMA fights that I called I've called over a thousand fights I've never seen a front kick to the jaw knockout Usually when someone front kick someone in the face they just knocked their head back.

[1572] Yeah, it's kind of a pawing motion.

[1573] The flat of their foot.

[1574] He got some whip in that in that park.

[1575] That was a front snap kick.

[1576] Front snap kick.

[1577] That was karate style.

[1578] Push kicks or just kind of move someone back, but he whipped it up there.

[1579] It was nasty.

[1580] Well, that's because everybody does like the Thai style, you know, which is like a teep.

[1581] You know, it's like you're pushing a guy off you.

[1582] And they're really trying to regulate with roundhouse kicks.

[1583] They're trying to like get their distance and push a guy off you.

[1584] Yeah.

[1585] But like some guys will throw the front ball kick, the snap kick, like Semi Shilt.

[1586] Semi Shilt fucks people up with that thing.

[1587] He dropped Pete Williams in the UFC with it.

[1588] He stopped Bader Harri with it.

[1589] That's how he won the Grand Prix.

[1590] He hit Bader Har with a front kick to the liver.

[1591] He's a giant.

[1592] He's a giant.

[1593] He's a giant.

[1594] He's seven feet tall.

[1595] So he curls those toes back and sends that fucking gigantic log your way.

[1596] That log he calls a foot.

[1597] Yeah.

[1598] Yeah, man, there's nothing quite like watching fights.

[1599] It's just, there's nothing more, nothing that really just caters to the chimpanzee instinct more.

[1600] You know, a great game, no matter how much you enjoy it, is still just a game.

[1601] You know, the thrills are just not as high, you know?

[1602] It doesn't matter if it's hockey or baseball or, oh, my goodness, the ball you went over the parky.

[1603] No, exactly.

[1604] I actually have a whole blog about that.

[1605] I mean, it's really sport boiled down to its very roots.

[1606] I mean, we have those aspects in other sports, like you see Dwayne Wade dunk on somebody, and it's fully like he dunks on him, and he's in his face, and it's like he done.

[1607] It's like he knocked them out.

[1608] Yeah, but then there's Anthony Pettis does that Showtime kick where he kicks off the cage and kicks Ben Henderson in the face of the same foot.

[1609] It's still just an approximation of what we're really after, which is this primal conflict and dominance.

[1610] You know, you have all these balls and all these rules and all these things, but it's still just men exercising that primal instinct to dominate.

[1611] What I've always said is that if you're the fucking root of it.

[1612] If, you know, someone, if you slam dunk a ball on someone, they can always say, well, yeah, well, I can kick your ass.

[1613] but no one gets their ass kicked and goes, yeah, well, I can slam dunk a ball on you because nobody gives a fuck.

[1614] It doesn't go the other way.

[1615] That's interesting, isn't it?

[1616] It's fucking just fucking human nature.

[1617] And I think why people are so attracted to it fastest growing sport in the world, I don't know if that's still an accurate quote, but it was going around for a lot.

[1618] For sure.

[1619] There's not even a close second.

[1620] You want to talk about the, it's only been around in this country, in this form since the 90s.

[1621] 93 was the first one.

[1622] That had no rules.

[1623] And then as far as like sanctioning, it's just a few years after that, we started getting sanctioned in athletic commissions but yeah there's not even a close second no it makes perfect sense because people miss that aspect of life i mean everything is so watered down now you don't get to exercise that that kind of physical component of our psyche that still those DNA those genes haven't changed in the last 100 200 years where we're not doing that anymore or go about 10 000 yeah 10 000 we have the same genetic makeup as people 10 000 years ago supposedly that's obviously that's incredibly theoretical until we go back in time and take a guy from 10 ,000 years ago and examine him.

[1624] But from all accounts, if you took a guy from even 100 ,000 years ago and put him in natural clothes or rather normal clothes that we would wear and put him in a movie theater that guy would just sit there.

[1625] You wouldn't even be able to distinguish him.

[1626] Until the movie started playing and then he starts shit his fucking pants.

[1627] Demons!

[1628] Demons!

[1629] He's smearing shit over himself to make him less attractive to the monster in the screen curling in the corner and knock, knock, knock, back, yeah yeah but you know those that DNA is still in us of course yeah it's the same hardware it's basically everybody used to get a chance to exercise that like they would go to war like i was just you know i was just talking to you about socrates is a warrior you think of this philosopher you think of all this he was a badass just a killer you know he was one of the hoplites for the athene army and where did you read about all this with socrates so i first learned about it from stephen pressfield's book tides of war and then i did a ton of research and and put it all my block, but just a badass.

[1630] Like some of the stories are crazy.

[1631] Like he was a, there was a retreat coming from a, from a place called Delium.

[1632] And in this retreat, basically the Athenians pushed forward in the flank.

[1633] Their flank got, got weak on the left and right side.

[1634] And then the other general, General Pogondas, the other general they were fighting against, a Boeotian general, who also invented the flamethrower, which is pretty sweet.

[1635] But anyways, you outflanked them, and then the Athenians, you know, everybody started.

[1636] The slainthrow was around back then?

[1637] Yeah, no, he invented the flame thronger.

[1638] throw a later.

[1639] But anyway, so, so on the retreat, they have like a three -hour run back to back to Delia.

[1640] And Socrates just stayed like right at the point, like the very back of his men, and just fought for three hours, like horses coming out of, just cutting them down, keeping people from running up the backs and slashing at its own Athenian soldiers.

[1641] I mean, it was still a bloodbath, but he was like there.

[1642] How do we really know what happened?

[1643] That could have been some gay dude that Socrates fucked real good, who liked to tell crazy stories.

[1644] Because, Socrates was a big queen, right?

[1645] They were all gay back then.

[1646] They were.

[1647] People were full of shit, man. I don't buy that story.

[1648] I think Socrates might have been running like a girl screaming.

[1649] I have to write poetry.

[1650] They were alone.

[1651] Look at his mug, though.

[1652] Look at the actual bust of it.

[1653] The dude looks like a fuck.

[1654] But we don't know.

[1655] We don't know what he really looked like.

[1656] We know drawings.

[1657] Well, they sculpted him.

[1658] Those motherfuckers?

[1659] They know they're accurate.

[1660] Lion cunts.

[1661] We assume that back then they were honest.

[1662] That's what's hilarious.

[1663] You know, we assume, I mean, people are completely.

[1664] full of shit today.

[1665] Why would we assume that they'd be honest done?

[1666] Like all this fucking Ronald Reagan revisionist history is driving me crazy as an adult who was an adult during the Reagan administration Reagan had something like 200 people or more that were in his cabinet that were employed by him and in the White House connected to him that wound up getting arrested getting brought up on charges.

[1667] There's some ridiculous number.

[1668] I mean George Carlin had a routine on it.

[1669] He had a whole routine on it about, find it, find George Carlin Reagan's gang.

[1670] Because when you really like go back and listen to it, you're like, oh yeah, that's right.

[1671] Yeah, they were all fucking crooks.

[1672] They were all crooks that figured out how to manipulate the moral majority and to go with the religious right and get, you know, religious people and Christians finally organized to vote for the presidency.

[1673] That shit didn't exist before with Nixon and with Carter and with Ford.

[1674] There wasn't that there wasn't like a big political movement with Christians, that became a reality during the Reagan administration.

[1675] The Reagan administration was responsible for so much fucked up shit, so much fucked up shit, man, that people don't, I mean, even stuff that people don't, that don't agree with today, like in the conservative movement that support Reagan, like negotiating with terrorists and all kinds of other shit, like, there's a dude who called into the Rush Limbaugh show, and it's somebody put up an article about it on my website, and it was a really fucking, funny conversation because this guy was like really well versed in the history of Ronald Reagan.

[1676] And so this guy starts arguing with, um, with, with, uh, with, uh, Rush Limbaugh, telling him about what, what Reagan did, um, that, uh, Reagan raised taxes on social security, that Reagan negotiated with terrorists, sending over and over again arms to Iran in exchange for hostages, performed by contrast, Jimmy Carter didn't give an inch to the Iranians, which is why we could never get the ran, the hostages.

[1677] As soon as Reagan got into office, that literally, like right away, the terrorists from Iran were released.

[1678] Why is that?

[1679] Why is that?

[1680] Because they gave them something.

[1681] They had to give them something.

[1682] They had to negotiate with terrorists to get these people back.

[1683] Is it worth it to get the people back?

[1684] Yeah.

[1685] But I guarantee you, part of the agreement was, don't let them back until we're in office.

[1686] It's not really about them being free.

[1687] It's about it looking good for us.

[1688] Garin fucking T you.

[1689] Well, Joe, we just live all in North.

[1690] Do you get the thing about Reagan?

[1691] It's 12 minutes long.

[1692] No, we're not going to listen to all of it, but just play it a little bit because George Carlin fucking nailed it and this is back and you know I think he did this shit it's probably like the 90s early early 90s like right after Reagan had been out I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration yeah George Carlin was the shit 225 of them so far 225 25 different people in the Ronald Reagan administration have either quit, been fired, been arrested, indicted, or convicted of either breaking the law or violating the ethics code.

[1693] 225 of them.

[1694] What do you think the total number is?

[1695] 1 ,000.

[1696] How many that haven't gotten busted?

[1697] Edmund Mies alone has been investigated by three separate special prosecutors, and there's a fourth one waiting for him in Washington right now.

[1698] Three separate special prosecutors have had to look into the activities of the Attorney General.

[1699] and the Attorney General is the nation's leading law enforcement officer.

[1700] You can kill it right there.

[1701] See, that's what you got.

[1702] That's crazy.

[1703] What the fuck, man?

[1704] Tough.

[1705] What the fuck?

[1706] And everybody's like, Ronald Reagan was an amazing man. It's like, we have this image of him, just like our grandpa that, you know, was a drunk and used to beat the fuck out of your grandma.

[1707] And you just kind of forget it when you get older.

[1708] It's like, Grandpa was a good guy.

[1709] I remember thinking I loved Ronald Reagan growing up just because the 80s kind of embraced Ronald Reagan.

[1710] And there was, like, artwork and, you know, just, like, shows about Ronald Reagan.

[1711] And then we're like, wow, Ronald Reagan likes jelly beans.

[1712] That's so cool, you know.

[1713] Yeah, like, Jimmy Carter had peanuts.

[1714] But everybody's like, well, doesn't that show that Ronald Reagan's unhealthy and bad for America?

[1715] Yeah, man, I don't know.

[1716] The whole thing is very interesting.

[1717] It's very interesting how we like to look back in the past with rosy vision.

[1718] If you want to get really baked sometime and go to the Ronald Reagan Museum down there.

[1719] I did that.

[1720] I did that the other, like a couple years ago.

[1721] It's over here, like in Calabasas.

[1722] somewhere.

[1723] It is?

[1724] Yeah.

[1725] It's fucking huge.

[1726] And the whole thing is just Ronald and Nancy.

[1727] Like you go in these little movie theaters and just plays like videos with them in it.

[1728] You have Air Force One there.

[1729] You can go and see like where Ronald Reagan, like his plane and like on this desk there's like jelly beans.

[1730] It's so gay.

[1731] But it's crazy.

[1732] It's too much Reagan though.

[1733] After a while you're just like, all right, I've had too much Reagan.

[1734] I can't take this anymore.

[1735] The only thing that I really liked about Reagan when he was in office was when he started talking about aliens.

[1736] One of the things he talked about with Russia.

[1737] like how much we would all forget our differences if we were been attacked by aliens from another planet I was like oh shit what does he know yeah yeah yeah and everybody and he didn't do it in just one speech he did in a couple of speeches the same sort of dropping little hints well I don't know is it little hints or is he just fucking is it just someone wrote something cool I mean it's not like Reagan wrote that shit it's no more than you know some Charlie Sheen writes his dialogue for two and a half men I mean it's basically the same job you know Reagan didn't write all that stuff somebody else wrote that maybe there's just some cool ass fucking speechwriter.

[1738] It's like, let's just freak these motherfuckers out with some alien talk.

[1739] You know, everybody's a little freaked out about Russia.

[1740] How are we going to bring them down?

[1741] I don't know, man. We're worried about the bomb.

[1742] Look, you know the bomb's not going to land.

[1743] I know the bombs not going to land, but we can't tell about how we're really in cahoots with Russia to keep the world down.

[1744] So what do you want to do?

[1745] How about we bring up aliens?

[1746] How can we just start freaking people to fuck out, talking about aliens from another planet, and how much we would come together?

[1747] I like it.

[1748] I like it.

[1749] Did you see the video of the UFO over Jerusalem?

[1750] I didn't.

[1751] Is it fake?

[1752] Yeah.

[1753] Who made it?

[1754] You're talking about the one that there's two camera angles?

[1755] I didn't, I only saw one.

[1756] Oh, yeah.

[1757] Where the one's like just sits there and then goes straight up.

[1758] Yeah.

[1759] Yeah, it's completely fake.

[1760] And what's crazy is I showed it to Allison and Rocks that was on, you know, on the podcast.

[1761] And immediately she saw it and she goes, that's fake.

[1762] That's actually a tool in whatever it was like Adobe Premiere or something like that.

[1763] Oh, that's hilarious.

[1764] Like 3D or something like that.

[1765] She's like, I could show you how it to do it.

[1766] It's a bummer when people fake this shit because then everybody thinks every fucking video is fake.

[1767] And there is a lot of fakes.

[1768] Don't get me wrong.

[1769] wrong but there's some videos that are legit footage of shit that happened because there's thousands of people who saw it on the ground like some of that Mexico City shit yeah that's not fake I saw I showed Joe a video the other day that I wanted to see what he thought about it because I thought it was fake it's about this hamster that was just fighting and and no Joe still doesn't think it's fake I still think it's fake and then I was talking to Ari about him it's like why do I think that video is fake and then I realized did you notice the stomach of it was pitch black like it was just like all black of the stomach to listen to me you're thinking too much I know but I'm thinking like it was a real people don't know what the fuck you're talking about there's a video online what is it called angry hamster hamster fighting or angry hamster well anyway the video is these guys are fucking with this hamster and the hamster gets crazy on them and tried to bite them and then eventually like an Eddie Murphy movie no no no that's a professor I think anyway it's a fucking scared little animal that's biting people it's real it's 100 % real Hamster of doom.

[1770] Let's forget about that.

[1771] So tell me, what are your thoughts on UFO?

[1772] So what shit do you think that you saw that you think that was like legitimately questioned?

[1773] Yeah, I mean, I think some of those, I think in every major country, you know, particularly, I think, actually back even farther.

[1774] You know, into history, there's been paintings of UFOs and different things, people all the way back to caves and other different biblical sightings of things appearing over battlefields and crazy shit like that.

[1775] And you can take all that history with some footage that we have now, some reports from just super sober pilots, just dudes that are like, look, I don't literally like that I saw this.

[1776] I fucking hate it.

[1777] I'm not trying to get anything out of this.

[1778] But this is what happened.

[1779] We chased this thing.

[1780] It was doing crazy stuff.

[1781] No way we could catch it.

[1782] Our machines shut off and we had to return to base.

[1783] Like, I saw it, you know, whatever.

[1784] And they're not trying to gain anything out of it.

[1785] And those, I think those are really credible.

[1786] Whereas a lot of these other people who are trying to, I am the UFO seer, you know, like talk to me about it.

[1787] Those are fucking.

[1788] quacks, but so many just sober, gritty people just talking about it.

[1789] Yeah, the very first explanation or the very first depiction, the flying saucer depiction, was from a pilot, was from a, you know, a military pilot who was watching these things skip across the sky.

[1790] I forget the dude's name, but I should probably give him credit for it because it's kind of an interesting thing to come up with.

[1791] And he said it seemed like saucers skipping across a lake.

[1792] Yeah.

[1793] Yeah.

[1794] I'm not opposed to the idea of there being some visitors from somewhere else, Whether it's from here that we can't see, you know, some of a dimension nearby, whether it's from another planet.

[1795] I'm not opposed to that.

[1796] But what I am opposed to is all these people that have the explanation for it, like, so quickly.

[1797] And all these people that are, like, looking for proof of aliens.

[1798] They're like, they're getting crazy.

[1799] And like, you ever watch that ancient aliens show?

[1800] No, I haven't.

[1801] But I know what you're talking about.

[1802] You got to watch it.

[1803] It's the most ridiculous shit ever.

[1804] Like, 80 % of the stuff they say, you're just like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[1805] Like, why are you coming to this conclusion?

[1806] It's like the most unscientific conclusion ever.

[1807] Like they'll find some ancient stone structures that are like these giant stones like in Peru, whether it's really amazing how perfectly these stones are fitted to the stones below them and there are hundreds of tons, I mean enormous structures.

[1808] And they go, there's only one way this could have happened.

[1809] It had to have been help from another planet.

[1810] And the people just makes me think, I wonder if they had helped from another planet.

[1811] And oh, okay, or maybe people have been around a lot fucking longer than you.

[1812] think and we know for sure there's been some massive cataclysmic disasters just during recorded history we know we know there's been some big ones in you know the near distant past some mass extinctions that that killed the dinosaurs that fucking you know changed a bunch of shit in the climate many many many times over wouldn't you just assume that people have been around isn't that like the number one thing you would go to we know people are real all right we know people invent some crazy shit we know disasters happen maybe people figured out then to make some crazy shit and the disaster happened, and then they forgot how to make that crazy shit.

[1813] Well, a few stragglers made it out, taught a few things.

[1814] Yeah, man. Yeah.

[1815] I mean, these things that they have in Peru, though, man, it's fucking fascinating.

[1816] Yeah.

[1817] Just really enormous fucking stones.

[1818] And they had a discovery recently in Turkey.

[1819] Let me find this real quick.

[1820] Because it's, it predates archaeological construction, like, or rather, the, the oldest construction, the oldest, like, real modern stone carving, blah, but, like, fucking some insane number like five or six thousand years so like what they thought was like the beginnings the dawns of civilization back in mesopotamia you know six thousand years ago this predates that by another six thousand years massive fucking stone structure tons and tons of stone moved like what the fuck is this yeah you know yeah and then you know the stories of uh of the atlantean culture obviously there's a lot of BS surrounding that right but like what does it mean yeah yeah there's a pretty good chance that there was an advanced civilization that got wiped out You know, by either earthquake or meteor or something just took them out.

[1821] Yeah, fucking for sure, man. 11 ,500 years ago, this thing was built.

[1822] 7 ,000 years before what they think was the Great Pyramid, more than 6 ,000 years before Stonehenge.

[1823] And they built this gigantic fucking thing in Turkey.

[1824] And there was another story recently about this guy from Australia who started looking all throughout Saudi Arabia with Google Maps, or Google Earth.

[1825] And, you know, Google Earth will bring you a fucking, literally, zoom you in on the surface of the entire Middle East.

[1826] This motherfucker found like 1 ,700 archaeological discoveries and sites.

[1827] Like, there's all this ancient shit.

[1828] While these guys are blowing themselves up.

[1829] I thought it was just the whole gang of people found that.

[1830] That's the total number they found.

[1831] Oh, is it?

[1832] Oh, really?

[1833] Yeah, it's not one guy.

[1834] No, no, no, no. It's just it's a total number of people since Google Maps.

[1835] Okay, well, I might have misread it, but the one guy who did do it had a friend in Saudi Arabia, who was the story was based on, had an he was an Australian guy but he had a friend in Saudi Arabia so he would give the guy the coordinates and then the guy would go there and take photos of the actual area and then they would send it to experts and they'd be like yeah that's some fucking shit right there's crazy there's a civilization meanwhile these assholes are throwing rocks at each other and fucking screaming about no my rules no my rules they're fighting over nonsense over there when they're in the middle of this incredible archaeological treasure trove people 12 ,000 years ago would pimps like you for being an idiot and they're in the same place.

[1836] That's pretty telling there that you're not going the right way.

[1837] Not the right way.

[1838] Need to change directions.

[1839] Yeah, what's going to happen with Egypt now?

[1840] With Egypt, I heard the museum got looted.

[1841] Yeah, Cairo is just fucking chaos, man. I mean, they have some incredible archaeological discoveries that they have stored there.

[1842] I mean, who knows what's still there, what they've been able to protect.

[1843] But apparently it's so bad that, you know, no one can even get an audit of what's happened and what hasn't happened.

[1844] We're watching a dictatorship fall before our eyes.

[1845] And here's the thing to consider, and this is the thing that no one's going to tell you, when you're watching all this go down, and the United States is like, you know, we need, you know, Mubarak should step down immediately and who's behind us?

[1846] Did you guys do this?

[1847] Like I see that, you know, like I see Obama on TV talking about it and I see, and I'm like, who, when I was younger, I would say, well, here's this.

[1848] Here's a group of people that are raising up against their, their, their tyrant leader.

[1849] I mean, this guy is obviously a dictator, and he needs to be removed.

[1850] But he's been our ally in that area for a long -ass time, okay?

[1851] Why is it that all of a sudden people are rising against him?

[1852] Why is it?

[1853] Who's organizing all this?

[1854] Who's the CIA involved in this?

[1855] Wasn't there a recent election or something?

[1856] Wasn't there like a...

[1857] Sure.

[1858] I mean, it's been a bunch of them in the past.

[1859] It's hard to get people to move like this.

[1860] It's hard to get people to really rise up.

[1861] I mean, for sure, they are pissed off.

[1862] For sure, they have had enough.

[1863] with this fucking douchebag, you know, wanting to run things in their fucking crazy country.

[1864] But what people are really afraid of is that Sharia law, you know, that 64 % of Egyptians want to be governed by Sharia law.

[1865] They want to be governed by Islamic law.

[1866] So it's like, man, having this guy out is not good.

[1867] It's like it is good for the Egyptian people because they get their own choice.

[1868] But the Egyptian people, even though some of them are progressive and many of them, like, in Iran.

[1869] And Iran, a big percentage of the people don't want anything to do.

[1870] do with the way Iran is being perceived by the Western world and they don't want to have anything to do with religious fundamentalism or the craziness that has always been associated with Iran.

[1871] They're young people.

[1872] They listen to fucking music and they like art and they want to get the fuck out of this terrible situation, but they're stuck, you know, and I think there's a lot of those types of people in Egypt too.

[1873] But it's just like America, man. Even if there's 50 % of the people that, you know, believe that, you know, we need science and stem cell research is good.

[1874] There's another 50 % to believe they say.

[1875] saw fucking the devil in their cheerios and they want to fucking shoot it with a gun.

[1876] I mean, we got a real problem like that.

[1877] I think the only way, you know, been asked the question before, and I think the best solution I have is just, you got to set up, like, drop internet over to them.

[1878] You know, like, if people get knowledge and, like, see outside of their box, that's the only thing it's going to change their mind.

[1879] You know, like, put in, like, paid for broadband stations in, like, closed off areas so people can go in there, log in and check some shit out.

[1880] Well, it's interesting that because that was the first thing that they did Egypt when they wanted to stop the resistance, they shut off the internet.

[1881] That's what Egypt did.

[1882] They shut off the internet.

[1883] Is this still off, by the way?

[1884] I don't know.

[1885] I don't know how much it was off.

[1886] I don't know if they were able to jury rig it and get it back on.

[1887] I don't even know what it is, to be honest with you.

[1888] You start talking to me about the internet.

[1889] Brian Gumble?

[1890] I don't even understand what the tubes and pipes.

[1891] How do you shut it off?

[1892] Is there a main switch somewhere?

[1893] Did you blow some shit up?

[1894] Did you cut the cord?

[1895] Did we run a cord through the bottom of the ocean all the way to America?

[1896] How the fuck does it get over here?

[1897] How does it get over here?

[1898] Is there a cord that goes from in Europe, under the water.

[1899] Is that real?

[1900] I think there is.

[1901] That's ridiculous.

[1902] How retro.

[1903] Yeah.

[1904] I think there is.

[1905] I think there's a...

[1906] Okay, well, how the fuck do they connect with each other?

[1907] There's telephone lines.

[1908] How do they connect with each other?

[1909] I don't know.

[1910] I'm pretty sure.

[1911] I thought I would get bounced by satellites.

[1912] What?

[1913] But not in 70s, there's no satellites.

[1914] I don't think there's satellites.

[1915] But there was no internet.

[1916] I think...

[1917] No, I'm saying, but the internet goes through telephone lines and like that kind of wiring.

[1918] Right.

[1919] So you used to be able to call England from the...

[1920] 70s.

[1921] How the fuck could you do that?

[1922] Back in the 70s, you could call England.

[1923] But the ocean's so fucking deep.

[1924] So what do they do?

[1925] Put it on, like, bloaters?

[1926] Yeah, what does do ships run into it and cut the cord?

[1927] You got to redo it?

[1928] Just whales just hit it.

[1929] What the fuck?

[1930] I might be talking on my ass.

[1931] Maybe I'm just thinking of that episode of Lost.

[1932] You might be talking about your ass, but you might not be.

[1933] But I mean, how the fuck could we call England?

[1934] Well, you know what?

[1935] Let's get a...

[1936] Really fast cowboys.

[1937] Let's get a direct answer from Twitter.

[1938] You know, I'm going to ask the folks on Twitter, please tell me. How the fuck were you able to make phone calls to Europe back in the 70s?

[1939] How the fuck?

[1940] Was there a cord that went all the way through the goddamn ocean, all the way to Germany and shit?

[1941] I feel like I remember seeing a documentary how they did it or something like that.

[1942] And I could be just farting around.

[1943] Please Twitter.

[1944] Answer.

[1945] Answer me. Twitter's like magic eight ball.

[1946] Yeah.

[1947] I saw irreversible by the way.

[1948] The same guy I did enter the void.

[1949] Bingo.

[1950] Charge five photo says there is a large fiber optic line in the ocean.

[1951] Okay.

[1952] Here's the question.

[1953] Here's the question though what the fuck man what happened back when there was no fiber optics right what did they do back in the 70s what did they do in the 50s how do they let me the ocean is so deep like it can't be on the bottom where is it how much fucking cable that would have to be you know what it's probably there's like there's like chasms and abysses that run through there where you think there's a line and like dudes are on like fucking submarines and they see it coming like shit we're gonna hit the phone line we're gonna get closed line again you dickheads you killed the phones in New York man this guy says there's cables there's a transatlantic cable wow there was even back then there's a transatlantic cable and the dude towbang just sent me a wiki link fuck yeah man holy shit there's a goddamn cable that's laid across the floor of the Atlantic Ocean across the telegraphic field whoa that's pretty dope so this is fascinating shit man so what the fuck is it with cell phones then is it piggyback on those lines satellites I'm putting in my satellites For cell phones?

[1954] Yeah, how's that work?

[1955] Yeah, I think cell phones uses satellites nowadays.

[1956] It does?

[1957] Yeah.

[1958] So if you connect from Australia to the other.

[1959] Yeah, I'm pretty sure it uses satellites.

[1960] Does that make sense?

[1961] Yeah, that's what Mike said that last time.

[1962] What say you Twitter?

[1963] What say you Twitter?

[1964] Please answer us.

[1965] It's like magic hate paul, bro.

[1966] This is the most of me. There's never been a time in life where you could ask people questions like this.

[1967] And it's not even on radio shows.

[1968] You can pick callers.

[1969] No, you get the text answers shit.

[1970] This guy's saying they sent letters by.

[1971] boat.

[1972] That's a girl.

[1973] That's a stupid answer.

[1974] You shut your mouth.

[1975] You didn't think that shit through it all.

[1976] They sent letters by boat.

[1977] We're not talking about the 1500s, Hooker.

[1978] They put it in it on vote.

[1979] Okay, Monkey Todd says it was wire, it was copper wire originally.

[1980] But what about what they're doing right now?

[1981] I mean, how the fuck is it work right now when you're sending, you know, when you're sending a cell phone message or calling someone, how does that work?

[1982] As of 2004, there's been underwater cables.

[1983] Huh.

[1984] Yeah.

[1985] Cell phones use radio signals.

[1986] Yes, on Earth, but radio doesn't go across the ocean, you cunt.

[1987] You don't even know what the fuck you're saying, God damn it.

[1988] Unless it taps into the same lines.

[1989] Yeah, I would imagine just, you know, it has to use satellites nowadays.

[1990] But why?

[1991] There's a delay in the satellites.

[1992] It's got to go way the fuck up to the sky.

[1993] No, because then if that was true, there'd be no satellite gaming, you know?

[1994] Cell phones use regular phone lines, apparently, this guy's saying.

[1995] Well, maybe there's a tagging backs somehow on radio.

[1996] regular phone lines.

[1997] You know what's kind of fucked up?

[1998] It's just like what we're talking about with when your website gets a lot of hits.

[1999] And it crux, by the way, Warrior Poet is crushed, son.

[2000] That shit ain't coming back.

[2001] Your fucking server just took a deep six.

[2002] I wonder if your business website's crushed.

[2003] But it's the same way with cell phone signals.

[2004] If there's an earthquake or some shit and everybody tries to use their phone, good luck.

[2005] Good luck.

[2006] You won't be able to use it because everybody can't use the phone at once.

[2007] Like in a stadium?

[2008] Yeah.

[2009] It's like you're, they're understocked.

[2010] Like they're selling you cell phone service And they're selling it to everybody But the only way it works is that everybody doesn't use it at the same time Because if everybody uses it at the same time Nobody gets to use it It just shits out and just fucking farts and dies That's annoying man That is annoying That's annoying It's like we're we're too far ahead of ourselves You know when it comes to technology We're too far out there We're fucking stretched thin Look at this graph on your message board Of all the underwater cables Have you see that?

[2011] Whoa that's dope That's a lot.

[2012] My goddamn message board is still private.

[2013] We have to fix that shit.

[2014] It was getting crushed so much.

[2015] It's still private.

[2016] I had to make it where you only a member could look at it, so you have to sign up for it to look at it.

[2017] Here's a video here that says there's been 150 years of transatlantic cable.

[2018] Wow.

[2019] 150 years.

[2020] That's insane.

[2021] How the fuck did they do that?

[2022] What if they go up higher through like...

[2023] They're floating on algae?

[2024] Like northern part of Canada and then over through mainland area.

[2025] Or if they're just straight...

[2026] It looks like it comes right out of New York.

[2027] Straight out of New York.

[2028] That's incredible.

[2029] It's incredible.

[2030] It's incredible that's 150 years of monster cables.

[2031] How long did it take to make those fucking cables?

[2032] Jesus Christ.

[2033] How long is it to get to...

[2034] If you take a boat from New York to England, how long is that?

[2035] How many miles is that?

[2036] It's thousands of miles.

[2037] It's like 1 ,500 miles.

[2038] So it's one cable that's thousands of miles long.

[2039] What the fuck do you carry that thing on?

[2040] 1 ,500.

[2041] No, yeah, it's like 3 ,000.

[2042] It takes 6 hours, planes, 4 ,000.

[2043] planes go what 500 miles an hour you know so what the fuck do you carry that with what do you carry that cable with you know and just had to be boats getting supplies the metal and then just I just don't understand how they avoided the chasms in the water like oh shit like here's you know you're you know fishing and the thing just keeps going down and hit a deep part of the lake deep parts of the ocean are like 10 ,000 feet yeah you know abyss type stuff and why haven't terrorists try to attack that cable you know that oh shut the fuck Brian Brian.

[2044] You get a brainstorming for a man?

[2045] Listen, these dumb cunts are living in fucking rock houses in the middle of the mountains banging goats and shit.

[2046] Do you think they could think this through?

[2047] We'll think of going to the ocean and katakey, buddy.

[2048] We got it.

[2049] We got to get them online.

[2050] That's the bottom.

[2051] We got to get everybody.

[2052] Well, you know what you got to do?

[2053] Here's the deal.

[2054] It's not just get them online.

[2055] They have to be around cool people.

[2056] They're around douchebags.

[2057] Everyone around them's a douchebag.

[2058] I mean, especially like in the Middle East.

[2059] The Middle East is just chaos.

[2060] Middle East are the townies of the world.

[2061] That's the cradle of civilization.

[2062] That's where it all started.

[2063] And that's why they're so behind the times.

[2064] I mean, the reason they're behind the times and the reason why America is supposedly the most progressive or the most advanced, at least culturally, of all the other countries, the reason is because we're the last one.

[2065] We're the one where everybody fled to.

[2066] And the first one, which is, you know, the Middle East, Mesopotamian, where Iraq is, that's the worst.

[2067] That's where it's the most fucked up.

[2068] That's Sharia law.

[2069] That's Muslims versus Muslims.

[2070] That's, you know, chaos.

[2071] That's all those fucking dudes wearing robes circling around, you know, the Hajj at the mosque in Saudi Arabia or whatever it is, the Mecca.

[2072] I mean, that's all the same shit.

[2073] That's all just, that's stuff that's been around too long, you know?

[2074] You know, I was saying when we watched that, there was a TV show when I was in Germany, and it's a 24 -hour Mecca station.

[2075] And it's just 24 hours.

[2076] That's all it shows is people circling the box in Mecca, circling that big square building.

[2077] Yeah, it's crazy.

[2078] It's fucking, but I was like, if that shit happened today, okay, if this is a new cult, some new Scientology type thing, and everybody's wearing robes and their circle in that box, we'd be like, whoa, we got to stop these motherfuckers.

[2079] That is scary.

[2080] Could you imagine if that was in America?

[2081] Let's say if that was in Kansas, and you saw Bryant Gumble, disturbing footage today out of Kansas.

[2082] We're going to go live here.

[2083] Now, granted, ladies and gentlemen, let's be aware of this.

[2084] This dangerous cult has only been around for five years, but look how much they've worked.

[2085] organized in these five years, and then they showed people circling around those boxes.

[2086] Dude, there'd be helicopters flying towards that area right now.

[2087] Tanks would be moving down the highway.

[2088] Well, check this out.

[2089] What if we created a cult that would drink the blood of their hero every week, figuratively?

[2090] If it was Megan Fox, I'm in.

[2091] But that's what's happening.

[2092] You go to Catholic Mass. It's like, here's the blood, here's the flesh.

[2093] Drink the blood, eat the flesh.

[2094] I mean, you look at that.

[2095] That's pagan.

[2096] That is pagan stuff.

[2097] deep right there but all but it because it's oh it's christianity it's catholic like we have a weird thing that we just get used to shit yeah no matter how wacky it is you know it's like these these broads in africa with these plates in their lips you know africa is another place where they need some information like the especially in the masai cultures and stuff where they're getting their clits cut off with sharp stones the clitorectomy out there like they need to see you by the way they do a lot of they need to see like hannah montana yeah they all need twitter addresses Like just fucking bouncing around, singing, whatever.

[2098] Osama Bin Laden needs to check in it four square at the Applebee so we can fuck him up.

[2099] You know, they all need that shit.

[2100] Well, they already fucked him up, man. Do you think that guy's alive?

[2101] I have no idea.

[2102] If he's even real.

[2103] He's probably in a fucking London hotel somewhere with a gang of boys sucking his dick.

[2104] He probably just said, listen, we're not going to kill you.

[2105] We're going to keep you alive.

[2106] You keep making a tape every couple of years.

[2107] He might need you video.

[2108] You need you to come out with some new scary shit so we can take away more civil liberties.

[2109] Do you think the last time that there was real evil in a war that we fought was World War II?

[2110] Do you subscribe to that?

[2111] No, I think there's real evil in Islamic fundamentalism and Islamic terrorism.

[2112] I think there's definitely real evil.

[2113] I think the problem is, unfortunately, a lot of that real evil has been caused by our manipulation, are being in religious holy grounds, you know, and desecrating those grounds, are involvement with and support of dictators in the Islamic world.

[2114] And, you know, some people say, like, guys like Hosni Mubarak, like, we need that guy around to keep the, you know, the Islamic fundamentalist from gaining power.

[2115] Like, at least he's, like, more moderate.

[2116] And even though he's a dictator, it's the better of two evils.

[2117] Yeah.

[2118] Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm not well -versed enough to be realistically, you know, to be honest about it, you know?

[2119] I mean, if you really step back and say, do you really understand how things work in the Middle East?

[2120] No, fuck, no, I don't.

[2121] That's another world.

[2122] It's another world, man. I mean, I remember going to Abu Dhabi and it becomes very aware, you know, when we did a UFC in Abu Dhabi, like, yo, this is another world, you know, don't get stupid.

[2123] Don't get mouthy at the airport.

[2124] You know, they'll put you in a box, son.

[2125] You know, you better be polite and you better realize that your laws are, you know, these laws rather are very different than yours.

[2126] So out of balance.

[2127] I think, you know, part of it is these patriarchal paternalistic religions, you know, they just shift everything way out of balance.

[2128] You know, like there used to be the balance of the sacred feminine and the masculine.

[2129] But these desert religions are just, just.

[2130] shit on the feminine you know and it's all about men you know control the women bind the women hide the women do you think that's because they don't have much like water and resources and natural yeah i mean then all of a sudden they've got this new resource over the last couple hundred years oil you know that's really kind of amazing i mean how long has it even been is it even been a couple hundred years that we've been getting oil from the middle east but whatever it's been how i mean you look at photos of dubai from 1970s opposed to today back then there was like nothing going on there.

[2131] Now it's fucking immense.

[2132] Yeah, sure.

[2133] Well, consumption has risen so dramatically.

[2134] Yeah, so it's like they were always in this terrible situation.

[2135] There were very few resources, you know, natural resources at least, you know, not much water, you know, kind of a fucked up area.

[2136] And now all of a sudden it's just bounty, bounty, money, and Mercedes and Mercedes and Mercedes and Mercedes and Ferrari.

[2137] Dude, when we were in Abu Dhabi.

[2138] Bugatti's, you never seen so many fucking bentley's and Rolls Royces.

[2139] There's some big pimping going on up in this desert.

[2140] There was an article recently where they were talking about how they're admitting that they're making it rain in Abu Dhabi, that they made it rain 52 times this year.

[2141] Throwing money in the air?

[2142] Oh, hip -hop rain.

[2143] And what if that's what did you actually read?

[2144] You know what I mean?

[2145] Like, no, they just make it rain all that time.

[2146] We had photos of these guys in their traditional garb outside with umbrellas, you know.

[2147] Standing in front of a Bentley, by the way, one of the photos.

[2148] It's hilarious.

[2149] Dudes in front of a Bentley with a fucking.

[2150] and his crazy Arab outfit on, holding an umbrella up.

[2151] I almost bought you one of those outfits, by the way.

[2152] They gave me one when I was there.

[2153] I just didn't have enough room with my luggage to bring it back with me, unfortunately.

[2154] Yeah, I pack just to the point where I just got it just enough to get through.

[2155] You know, I don't have no room to be bringing shit back with me. That's my latest thing.

[2156] I don't check bags.

[2157] I just bring a carry on.

[2158] I try to, even when it's like a three or four day trip, I just try to get as little clothes in there as possible.

[2159] And I'm like, look, everywhere you can buy underwear, everywhere you can buy socks.

[2160] All right.

[2161] How do I cut this down to the minimum?

[2162] Why don't know.

[2163] Why?

[2164] Because when you're waiting in line at that fucking the baggage thing and wondering if your shit's ever going to come out and like, oh, that's my favorite shirt and fuck, now I can't get it.

[2165] Now I've got to go buy toothpaste.

[2166] It's not the baggage fees, though, right?

[2167] It's not true.

[2168] You got me. You got me. I'm traveling across the world trying to save $10.

[2169] Fucking baggage fees.

[2170] Anything else before we get out of here?

[2171] It's pretty much over, right?

[2172] what time is it 517 we're two hours in or we're at two hours in like 15 minutes yeah well thank you everybody for uh tuning in and thank you very much for the um the questions uh that were answered on twitter satellites are used to transfer data overseas and the internet is back on in egypt so says satellite mr monkey man 81818 why is there so many monkey people on my is that a coincidence oh if you uh looking for higher primate shirts uh higher dash primate my clothing line.

[2173] We sold out way quicker than I thought we're going to and that's why unfortunately a lot of the designs have not been in stock but we're restocking them and I got a bunch of new dope ones they're fucking killer I got to show you some new ones that we got crazy shit this weekend we're going to be at Sal's Comedy Hole in L .A. Next weekend the Brea Improv that's I believe that's Friday Saturday and Sunday yeah I think it's Friday Saturday Sunday two shows Friday two shows Saturday, one show Sunday.

[2174] Is that what it is?

[2175] I believe so.

[2176] I'll tell you right now.

[2177] Yes, you are correct.

[2178] And it's right before Washington's birthday, which is Monday.

[2179] We should all celebrate together.

[2180] Yeah.

[2181] He was a badass.

[2182] Great president with his wooden teeth growing weed and banging slaves.

[2183] He was a badass.

[2184] He had slaves, didn't he?

[2185] Yeah.

[2186] Crazy world we live in folks.

[2187] Probably had kids with us.

[2188] You think so?

[2189] They all did, didn't they?

[2190] They all shot loads.

[2191] Do you think wives get pissed off?

[2192] You see these mocha babies wandering around there are going near a motherfucker.

[2193] for now.

[2194] If you're married to George Washington, Martha was like, my fucking husband.

[2195] Really?

[2196] Just kept her fucking mouth shut.

[2197] You think he was banging Betsy Ross?

[2198] I bet he'd fuck Betsy Ross, too.

[2199] That's what she got that flag gig.

[2200] You know, come on, man. Who the fucking Betsy Ross?

[2201] Where's Mr. Ross?

[2202] You don't even hear shit about Mr. Ross.

[2203] It's because George Washington is laying that fucking dick.

[2204] Shit.

[2205] So that's next weekend is Braya Improv.

[2206] Tickets will sell out, I hope.

[2207] So get on them.

[2208] That's it.

[2209] Flashlight .com.

[2210] If you go to joe rogan .net and click on the link and put in the word Rogan, you get 15 % off.

[2211] And we'll be back on Thursday at 3 with Jean Lejois.

[2212] Is that how you say his name is?

[2213] You know, I don't know.

[2214] From the league.

[2215] And he's from all those hilarious internet.

[2216] Cool white kid or coolest white kid or something like that.

[2217] And average ordinary guy.

[2218] And that's what I'm doing.

[2219] And I'm so high.

[2220] He's got a bunch of weed ones.

[2221] He's there.

[2222] Anyway, very cool guy.

[2223] Very funny guy.

[2224] And he'll be on Thursday.

[2225] Thank you very much to Chris.

[2226] Chris Marcus, if you go to Chris's website When the podcast is over It's fucking dead, dude I tried to refresh it again It will be resurrected And what's your business website again?

[2227] Onet .com O -N -N -N -I -T dot com Oh, it's up I got on Socrates would kick your ass And Musashi would paint a nude of your girlfriend That's a new blog My latest blog Nice Socrates was probably the most Underrated philosopher I think in that time period Really?

[2228] You just look at his work Is he underrated though As a philosopher?

[2229] Really?

[2230] As a warrior, he's, you know, lauded.

[2231] Like, everybody knows, he was badass.

[2232] I mean, he carved an ore, and he carved a staff out of an ore and beat the demon of the western provinces.

[2233] Like, people know that, but I don't think he gets enough credit.

[2234] Staff out of an oar?

[2235] What's an oar?

[2236] Like a row.

[2237] Like a...

[2238] Oh, an oar to row boats.

[2239] So he carved a stick of an o 'clock and beat the shit out of somebody.

[2240] Yeah.

[2241] He was going to fight the demon of the western provinces.

[2242] What was that Samurai?

[2243] Some dude?

[2244] He had a, he had a reputation, some killer, basically, you know, out there.

[2245] And it was a big dual.

[2246] The guy was a samurai?

[2247] wrong?

[2248] Is that what you said?

[2249] Yeah, that's the samurai would fight each other.

[2250] Right, but Socrates you're talking about right?

[2251] No, no, I was talking about Musashi.

[2252] Oh, okay.

[2253] I think you said Socrates.

[2254] Did I?

[2255] Yeah.

[2256] You baffled the fuck out.

[2257] Confusing people.

[2258] Because I was like, I was just the opposite.

[2259] Everybody knew that Musashi was a warrior, for sure.

[2260] But, no, that's what I'm saying.

[2261] Socrates was a warrior too.

[2262] Socrates, yeah.

[2263] I definitely think that Musashi was one of the most underrated philosophers.

[2264] That's where this whole tattoo came from, man. This is Musashi, and it's based on that one quote that stuck with me in my whole life that I read when I was, I think like 17.

[2265] That Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things.

[2266] Yeah, exactly.

[2267] And I think one of the most, and also he's a great artist, too.

[2268] People don't know about that.

[2269] They just know that he kicked ass.

[2270] Well, what people don't understand is that that was the samurai way, is that you were to be balanced.

[2271] And it wasn't, you know, you weren't just a thug out there killing people, but to be a great samurai, to be so well -versed that you could kill men in one -on -one hand -to -hand combat, which he did over 64 times, killed people in duels, that he had to be completely balanced.

[2272] You know, he believed that you had to be great at calligraphy, you had to be great at art, you had to be great at poetry, you know, you had to have this incredible...

[2273] And the same principles that made him great at swordplay could make you great at anything.

[2274] Yeah, and the same principles that made you lazy or fucked you up or gave you a shitty character would cost you your life in battle.

[2275] Yeah.

[2276] Which is so true, man. You know, and martial artists are starting to realize that too.

[2277] Is that all, any negative energy that you take, any thuggish, dushy bullshit, you have to account for that in your own assessment of who you are as a human being.

[2278] you know and to be truly zen you have to really have all your bases covered to be truly in the moment and truly great at anything you know you got to be balanced in all areas that's it right and folks out there you got to surround yourself with positive fucking people okay and the best way to do this the only way to do this is you got to become positive yourself I know it's difficult it's not easy yoga sucks it's fucking there's a lot of chicks fart in that class but you got to go you got to go to yoga class you got to read things you got to eat healthy you got to exercise you got to get your mind right read books get up early and run even though you don't want to do chin -ups before you eat breakfast do something get your shit together bitches and if you get your shit together you will attract other people who also have your shit together that is how I became friends with Chris we have attracted each other okay that's how Brian came here from fucking Ohio right Brian yeah that's right okay folks this fucking show is over god damn it I'm trying to give you a pep talk and I'm putting myself to sleep this weekend like I said Sal's comedy hole next weekend Braya Improv Chris Marcus thank you very much for being here, my friend.

[2279] Thanks, brother.

[2280] Thank you guys.

[2281] Warriorpoet.

[2282] Dot us is his website.

[2283] Redband .com.

[2284] Redband .com.

[2285] We love you, bitches.

[2286] We always will.

[2287] Peace.

[2288] Thanks to everybody that came out in Vegas this weekend.

[2289] We had a great fucking time.

[2290] I love you.

[2291] See you.

[2292] Bye.