Ramy Youssef

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to our, I'm chair, expert.

[1] Happy Monday, I'm Dax Shepherd.

[2] I'm joined by Mr. Mouse.

[3] Hi, Mr. Boy, we fell in love.

[4] I fell head over heels of love.

[5] He was awesome.

[6] He was incredible.

[7] Yeah.

[8] I felt insecure talking about him.

[9] It's a great feeling.

[10] But yeah, you want to meet him and I did too.

[11] Yeah, I think we both wanted that quite badly.

[12] Rami Youssef.

[13] Rami Yusef is an award -winning writer, producer, director, actor, and showrunner.

[14] His show, Rami is fucking.

[15] incredible.

[16] It's so good.

[17] He also co -created and produces Mo. He was on Mr. Robot.

[18] See Dad Run.

[19] There's a new season of Rami out now on Hulu.

[20] It's incredible.

[21] He directs, I forget how many episodes, maybe seven out of the time, some high number.

[22] And I wanted to agitate you.

[23] He's 31, because it drove me nuts.

[24] Yeah, he's so evolved.

[25] He is.

[26] He's so cute, too.

[27] And we get into a lot of religion stuff, which is really interesting, I think.

[28] I found myself repeating the things he taught us to Aaron.

[29] I had seen weekly right after.

[30] Your Montfriere.

[31] My main mon frere.

[32] Me and my mon frere were out in the dunes.

[33] Yeah, I was explaining to him the whole thing about the word in Islam for human is forgetful, which is incredible.

[34] I love it.

[35] So you guys are going to fucking love this one.

[36] Please enjoy Rami Youssef.

[37] But before we go.

[38] Oh, thank you, Wabi, wow.

[39] Good job, Wobby.

[40] I saved the day.

[41] We have prompts for March, for Armchair Anonymous.

[42] If you've got a crazy story about a divorce, hit us.

[43] You got caught.

[44] That's another one.

[45] Hit us.

[46] You got caught.

[47] Most embarrassing fart.

[48] Hit us.

[49] Hit us hard with that one.

[50] Sounds like a lie that you just threw in, but that is a prompt.

[51] That guy just came out.

[52] And then this first time ever, wild card.

[53] Just in time for March madness, wild card.

[54] Please enjoy Rami.

[55] use so.

[56] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[57] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[58] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[59] Oh, wonderful.

[60] So good to teach you.

[61] Truly.

[62] I'm so excited.

[63] You're like way more jacked in person.

[64] Do you get that?

[65] Well, I was just downstairs pumping so I would look.

[66] Oh yeah, you got, yeah, you do Before the podcast?

[67] You got to do it before.

[68] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[69] It worked.

[70] This was the first thought.

[71] I like your boots a lot.

[72] Thank you.

[73] You know, I barely get to wear them here.

[74] It's very good.

[75] Thank you.

[76] I was just celebrating the fact that this is season three for those.

[77] Yeah.

[78] Because I get a little nervous.

[79] Yeah.

[80] Because the rate at which she collects clothes.

[81] Yeah.

[82] That's true.

[83] And no judgment.

[84] I have my vices.

[85] When I see somebody make it three seasons, I'm like, It's a fast clip.

[86] Like makes you think about our climate crisis.

[87] It's not fast fashion.

[88] It's expensive.

[89] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's expensive.

[90] So don't even worry.

[91] Wait, what's your sweater?

[92] This is Maru.

[93] This is a coffee shop.

[94] Oh, they make a sweater.

[95] Well, they made one.

[96] They did a pop -up, and Rob and I stood in line for our sweatshirts.

[97] Wow.

[98] I don't wear it often, but when I do, It reminds me of Wabia.

[99] They didn't have put in it online.

[100] No, Rob, don't say that.

[101] I don't feel like this is calculated because I applauded your boots being worn.

[102] I've made funny that you weren't going to wear that sweater, sweatshirt.

[103] They stood in line all day for that sweatshirt.

[104] All day?

[105] Well, you got to stand in line for the coffee.

[106] And, exactly.

[107] Yeah, I mean, the coffee is, what's that coffee they have with the cream, the cold brew?

[108] Cream top.

[109] That's great.

[110] Oh, why, you guys should give her any one of those.

[111] Okay, well, next time.

[112] They're ambassadors for me Oh, Maru?

[113] These two are ambassadors for me. For fancy stuff.

[114] Oh, amazing.

[115] Yeah, because I'm losing touch slowly.

[116] But he's a little younger than us.

[117] Not much.

[118] Four years younger than you.

[119] Still, makes a big dip.

[120] And only what?

[121] I'm not as cool.

[122] Wabi.

[123] How many years younger?

[124] You're 88.

[125] You're 88?

[126] Damn girl.

[127] You 88?

[128] Shit, you look like 94.

[129] You did?

[130] I thought you were in 93 easy.

[131] Look at that.

[132] Low Miles.

[133] My wife's 88.

[134] Are you married?

[135] I am.

[136] Oh my God.

[137] That's like wonderful and heartbreaking for me. You want to tell you.

[138] You want to meet a Marion.

[139] Very badly.

[140] I'll tell you why.

[141] I'll tell you why.

[142] I get that.

[143] I hadn't watched Rami.

[144] I'm so ashamed.

[145] No, please.

[146] Especially now that I've seen it.

[147] Yeah, yeah.

[148] I mean, shame on me. I was the one paying the price.

[149] You watched it?

[150] Not yet.

[151] Monica?

[152] It's been on my list, but I just keep watching Wednesday over and over again.

[153] Right.

[154] Because it's comforting.

[155] And the numbers say that, yeah.

[156] They really do.

[157] Confirm that you're watching it over and over again.

[158] But Monica, look at my face because you're a great bullshit detector.

[159] It's incredible.

[160] I know this.

[161] I've heard from so many people.

[162] We know.

[163] We know.

[164] So I was like, I'm interviewing you.

[165] I'm going to watch an episode or so.

[166] And my wife and I are on the Wednesday train.

[167] Yes, so we get in bed This is a big interruption I'm like, you know, I really got to watch this show for tomorrow Yeah, yeah, yeah She's like, okay, you know, trying to be a good wife We watched five Oh, wow In one sitting Oh, that's so kind Not only that This is not bullshit I want you to hear what I was pumping to this morning It made it to my favorite Oh, dude This is the jam of a lifetime This is our theme song song?

[168] We'll wait until it hits.

[169] Ooh.

[170] That's nice.

[171] Are there words because he will sing?

[172] Oh, you don't need no fucking words when you got this.

[173] Oh, my God.

[174] And there's two versions of the song, and I got a little confused.

[175] You probably know a lot about the song.

[176] I do.

[177] What are the two different versions?

[178] They're the same thing.

[179] It's been digitized at different times in different ways.

[180] First time it hit.

[181] First episode, I'm like, really good, really good theme song.

[182] Really good station.

[183] Hey, y 'all.

[184] Second time it plays, I'm like, oh, my God, that's a jam.

[185] Third time, I'm like, I got to find this song.

[186] Then I was down the rabbit hole.

[187] Then this morning, while my wife was getting ready, popped it in the bathroom speakers.

[188] Yeah, yeah.

[189] And then we were feeling it, and then I just pumped to it.

[190] I'm all in.

[191] That's so cool.

[192] Wow.

[193] I'm steady myself.

[194] I know, I know.

[195] I'm coming home really strong.

[196] But I'm feeling it.

[197] I'm like, it's like you interrupted me watching it to talk to you.

[198] My favorite character for my new favorite TV show.

[199] Okay.

[200] So I'm watching it.

[201] I'm like, God, this guy's so fucking cute.

[202] I wonder if you ever hear this.

[203] You're kind of a mashup between Yerma and Adam Brody.

[204] And one of my biggest crushes in life is Adam Brody.

[205] Yeah.

[206] Do you see the mashup?

[207] I can see it.

[208] I wouldn't have come up with it.

[209] I have not heard the mashup, but I have heard people be like, Dude, you and Yorm are, like, cousins.

[210] Uh -huh.

[211] And actually, we live in the same neighborhood, but I have not met him.

[212] You'll be angry at how sweetie is.

[213] I heard he's the coolest.

[214] I heard he's so cool.

[215] Suspicious.

[216] And then actually, the O .C. was huge, obviously, when we're growing up.

[217] So formative soundtrack of our lives, all that.

[218] Death Cap for Cutie.

[219] The Shins.

[220] I mean, come on.

[221] Everything.

[222] It's all come from the OC.

[223] And when I was a kid, I had those Adam Brody sweaters.

[224] And I was like, this guy's probably my comp.

[225] The geek with the curly hair.

[226] You're both real estate.

[227] We're all like.

[228] But would girls tell you you look like Anna Brody?

[229] They must have.

[230] I think it was more of an energy.

[231] They were quick to say he was much taller than me. Well, hold on.

[232] They don't know how tall he is.

[233] I think he's probably tall.

[234] Do we have a research team here?

[235] He's pretty tall.

[236] Listen, I was in a movie I directed.

[237] But I'm a bad judge of that.

[238] Because I'm so tall.

[239] I'm too tall.

[240] Yeah, you're so tall.

[241] I know he's under 6 too.

[242] I bet he's 511.

[243] There's a big jump between 5 '9 and 6 or even 511, I think.

[244] It is weird, right?

[245] It's exponential.

[246] Because even when I meet a guy who's 6 .5, this is only two and a half inches taller than me. I'm like, well, that guy's a freak.

[247] Yes.

[248] And I'm on the tall end of normal or the high end of normal.

[249] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[250] Yeah, that's right.

[251] He's 511.

[252] How tall are you?

[253] I'm like 59 if I stand straight.

[254] You leave here.

[255] I would say, yeah, I think he's 511.

[256] What?

[257] Yeah, you present tall too.

[258] Oh, wow.

[259] Look at that.

[260] That's crazy.

[261] Okay, rewind.

[262] Do I present tall?

[263] You're powerful.

[264] What is it?

[265] You can say.

[266] What's the Shakespeareian?

[267] Small but mighty.

[268] Although she...

[269] I don't think that's Shakespeare.

[270] She be mighty.

[271] Okay, that's...

[272] You know that one?

[273] It's an old Sanskrit thing.

[274] Although she's tiny, she'd be mighty.

[275] Although she...

[276] You know this.

[277] No, I know, but it's like something from T .J. Max.

[278] It's not Shakespeare.

[279] That's the max for the minimum.

[280] Oh, my God.

[281] I think we're all too excited you're here.

[282] Okay, so we're watching the show.

[283] We're watching the show.

[284] And then I'm saying to my wife, oh, yeah, a little bit of Yerm.

[285] Yeah, we're on the eyes.

[286] Oh, yeah.

[287] Oh, Brody, Anna Brody, right?

[288] And then the smiles is infecting me. And then I'm like, I want him to marry Monica.

[289] That's step one, okay?

[290] I like that you go there.

[291] Successful, creative.

[292] Oh, I would have been so happy.

[293] Yeah, who wouldn't?

[294] We'd all be lucky to find ourselves married to you.

[295] All the good ones have wives.

[296] And then the id part of my brain, the naughty decks is like, oh, to be 31 that cute and successful.

[297] I would make love to everyone I shook hands with.

[298] So then I was fantasizing about what an enchanted life you have in that city being as cute as you are and as accomplice.

[299] I know, went back and forth.

[300] You wanted him to marry me and then also cheat on me repeatedly.

[301] No, no, he wanted me to explore and then find you, is what I'm hearing.

[302] It's like, I don't have time for this.

[303] You really wanted me to just experience everything that New York has to offer and then come to L .A. looking for something like many do.

[304] Yeah, sure.

[305] And that be you.

[306] Before you give out your Michelin Star, by God, you had to be.

[307] better sample some of the restaurants around town or your Michelin Star means nothing to me. Yeah, but I'm a Michelin Star too.

[308] You are.

[309] Hold on.

[310] You've gotten your own praise.

[311] I've been fluffing your pillows since day one.

[312] What I'm saying is you meet Rami.

[313] He's like, you're the number one restaurant in town.

[314] You go, oh, thank you.

[315] Where else have you eaten?

[316] He says, Burger King.

[317] And you go, well, fuck, man. I don't know.

[318] That's right.

[319] You know what I'd be like, no. No, do it right.

[320] Yeah, just really experience it all.

[321] Yeah.

[322] So you're married.

[323] How long have you been married?

[324] This year.

[325] Oh, it's new.

[326] It's new.

[327] Yeah, well, I guess 2022.

[328] And are you comfortable telling us about the lucky girl?

[329] Or she's like, keep your name out of my mouth.

[330] Yeah, she's very like Will Smith at the, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[331] Keep my name on my way, but you're my wife.

[332] Yeah, I can't.

[333] We went through friends, and so it's been really nice.

[334] We've known each other since before the show came out.

[335] And that was, you know, obviously very cool.

[336] you get into the industry and then I think there's a lot of dudes who are like, man, I never had anything going on.

[337] And then I get in the industry and it's like, well, now's the time.

[338] And I feel like I was really lucky.

[339] It wasn't like a thing where I was like, oh, this is why I'm doing, you know, TV.

[340] And I'm very sympathetic, actually, to even people who feel like they need to do that in order for that to happen as well.

[341] Like, we're all looking to, like, fill something.

[342] You know, and I think for me, making things and doing comedy and doing all that was more about fulfilling a philosophical potential of like, who could I be, what could I do, how could I connect with people?

[343] And then very quickly, I was also like, and if part of that connecting is like just going around and hooking up, I'll probably get nothing done.

[344] So there was this part of me that was kind of like, it wasn't calculated by any means, but it felt very correct.

[345] I didn't feel that thing where I was like, yo, I got to be out here now that the show's out.

[346] You know, I was like, no, I need to really be focused right now.

[347] Okay, so you and I are coming from a similar place, which is I could always talk to gales.

[348] I did better than I should have.

[349] It wasn't like this allowed me to finally attract women.

[350] Again, I, too, I'm so sympathetic.

[351] Like, for the guy who never got the girl in high school.

[352] Are you kidding?

[353] That's too much.

[354] You're low status in your mind.

[355] And then the alpha female likes you.

[356] Like, good luck.

[357] We're social primates.

[358] You're fucked.

[359] But even though I had way more luck than I should have, boy, I had to work a lot less hard.

[360] And that was quite appealing.

[361] And that, too, can be pretty tempting.

[362] That thing kind of made me suspicious where someone would be, like, so available to connect, you know, in this way because they've seen you in some.

[363] And that would make me very suspicious.

[364] And I'd get really heady about it.

[365] Oh, so you just believe in like fucking TV projections of a person's personality?

[366] Oh, you're like smiling because of what I put into like a program that was crafted by 200 people.

[367] Oh, I'm not even buying this.

[368] Okay, but hold on, hold on, hold on.

[369] I have this issue too.

[370] That's exactly what I was going to say.

[371] And I'm going to yell at both of you.

[372] People liking you guys because of how they know you through the product you make, I would argue you're overthinking it.

[373] I agree.

[374] guess what?

[375] It is you.

[376] No, no, it's true.

[377] And in fact, you're probably opening up a little bit of a window to yourself that you might not even be able to do at a bar.

[378] Same with you, Monica Padman.

[379] Dax Shepherd.

[380] Lillipa.

[381] She's like, I don't like these dudes who like me from the show.

[382] I'm like, it's you!

[383] It's not like you're on TV playing like the rich bitch and some drama.

[384] It's true.

[385] I had talked to a friend about it and he was just kind of like, well, yeah, you're not playing Aquaman.

[386] Like you're playing Rami.

[387] It's not that different.

[388] And then another friend reframed for me too, where he was just like, dude, it's so hard to even see art these days.

[389] Even you're saying, you know, you watch the show as we were putting this together, and that's kind of how hard it is to watch something.

[390] Like, we're all overwhelmed with, and we'll hear things are amazing.

[391] I don't have time to get to it, but I know it's dope.

[392] And there's a lot of that.

[393] And so that someone actually did reach somebody in such a crazy, crowded, cluttered landscape of everyone's attention being vied for and dominated in ways it's never been.

[394] That's actually kind of almost a miracle that anyone would know you.

[395] And I'll argue, you probably weeded out about 80 % of the riffraff you don't even want to talk to.

[396] No, it's true.

[397] You send up a beacon, your spirit, and then these are the people that respond.

[398] Well, I would imagine for you, just meeting people in general on the street.

[399] This is tobacco.

[400] Your eyes went, wren, you know what I thought that was?

[401] A gun.

[402] No, I thought that was the old school sour alttoids tin.

[403] Remember those tangerine sour altoids?

[404] And I was like, oh, shit, does Dax have that kind of access?

[405] because like I've been trying to find those Like those are like rare Like you got to like I'm obsessed with candy I'm like addicted to candy And so I was trying to find the old tangerine showers And then there's like some on eBay or whatever But in the description they'll be like I'm gonna be honest with you These are probably melted People are forthright That it's probably not gonna still be in good condition Anyway so I saw that and I was like Oh shit he's got You had a Pavlovian Your eyes did like get big Yeah I saw Kristen on the way in And I was like these guys are fancy She had a nice sweater on Did she say hi?

[406] Yes she waved through the window I kind of grabbed my own shirt pointing at hers because her sweater was amazing.

[407] Oh.

[408] So we didn't like talk vocally, but I think she understood.

[409] I was like, yo, like you're wearing good stuff.

[410] She might have thought that's like a cool, young person thing to do is touch her sweater.

[411] So now she's going to go out on the town today and like do it.

[412] She's fresh off of watching the show.

[413] So I think that's why she waved.

[414] She's not like out here waving to everyone.

[415] She's not.

[416] I'm kidding, obviously.

[417] But she's pumped you're here.

[418] I'm pumped to me here.

[419] Oh, what I was going to ask you is I would imagine.

[420] in terms of being recognized, stopped, having people kind of come to you, that the level of nuanced connection you get from people who listen to the podcast is probably way different from people who know you from movies.

[421] I would argue that you are experiencing the rarest of things on a TV show, which is exactly what you're saying.

[422] Yes, when I meet people that like this show, I don't feel fraudulent.

[423] And so your show is so you.

[424] Or maybe I'll find out.

[425] But I'm assuming it's pretty close.

[426] It definitely started that way.

[427] We started to kind of fictionalize the more we went.

[428] But I think it is very indicative of what I care about and what I like talking about.

[429] I'm choosing to show you these things because I care about them.

[430] And so if you're into it, we're going to have a good conversation.

[431] Yes.

[432] Well, I did have the experience of where you've gone because I watched the first five.

[433] And then I specifically wanted to watch 302.

[434] Oh, yeah.

[435] So I jumped to that this morning.

[436] And I was like, oh, whoa, we're on a private jet.

[437] But cool, the uncle's still around.

[438] Yeah, it's a third season TV show.

[439] Like, I did have that little bit of like, oh, right.

[440] You know, it's got to evolve.

[441] I want to talk about three or two a lot, but before then, Monica.

[442] That sucks that you had to do that.

[443] It was all right.

[444] It was totally all right.

[445] Yeah, it's not that jarring.

[446] Okay.

[447] I'm sorry.

[448] The other reason we likely hadn't seen it is as someone who has made comedy and is in the comedy, I'm sure you relate.

[449] I don't really watch much of it.

[450] It's not for me. I know.

[451] Now, the ones that have broken through that are the two shows, I'm sure you must get compared to the most, which is Atlanta.

[452] I can't believe that show is so fucking good.

[453] And then, of course, Master or None.

[454] It's got a real Master of None.

[455] And both of those shows, I absolutely love.

[456] And I was really trying to think of what the connective tissue of those three shows are.

[457] Do you see the parallel?

[458] I think I see the cousinship in a way.

[459] If I were to say what my favorite comedies are to watch, they're so different than what I end up doing and making.

[460] I love Seinfeld, obviously.

[461] It's so different.

[462] Larry David, I think, has an imprint on just modern storytelling, joke telling, and comedy.

[463] But yeah, you could never comp it really, or like, it's always sunny.

[464] It's not even close tonally.

[465] You love it's always sunny?

[466] Oh, I love Sunny.

[467] Oh, my God, that's great.

[468] I mean, I'm obsessed with Sunny.

[469] Do you know those guys?

[470] Do you know those guys?

[471] Do you know those guys are amazing?

[472] But yeah, I'm such fans.

[473] Rob's one of my really good friends.

[474] Dude, I'm obsessed with it.

[475] Oh, my God.

[476] This is great.

[477] And I like him in Mythic Quest, too.

[478] Oh, wonderful.

[479] Yeah, those guys are amazing.

[480] But yeah, so I definitely think the approach that our show is, taken that those shows have taken, it's not situated in that way.

[481] And so I do think that there immediately is a link.

[482] There's more emphasis on cinematography.

[483] There's more emphasis on trying to weave character development in a different way.

[484] A lot of the comedy I grew up on, a lot of the comedy that's just so point blank funny is you'll watch a character kind of try to solve everything around them other than their own personal issue.

[485] It's kind of like, I will do anything to not have to reckon with myself.

[486] The shows you just talked about, those shows and what we try to do is we actually kind of confront the character a bit more directly.

[487] We're kind of confronting the Rami character and make him have to either shift or we're going to say, oh no, you're getting worse, but the spotlight's on him in a different way.

[488] While I do think like a lot of the comedy that, again, it's just like, oh, no, no, take it off me. Like, I'm going to just work on every other random issue other than myself.

[489] Those things stick out to me. They're going to remain shitheads.

[490] They're going to remain shitheads.

[491] And we want them to.

[492] And we want everyone...

[493] For 300 episodes.

[494] You know what I mean?

[495] They'll never look at themselves and think they're the problem.

[496] That's not going to happen.

[497] Like there's nothing self -confronting about it.

[498] And I think that's what's kind of genius about that.

[499] Oh, obviously, we don't want the headline of this to be that you say you don't want to be compared to Atlanta.

[500] I know that's like a fear.

[501] But do you hate that?

[502] I do know that's all over the place.

[503] Oh.

[504] The comparison.

[505] I don't hate it at all.

[506] It's funny.

[507] I talked to Stephen Glover at some point about it.

[508] Because he writes the show.

[509] Yeah, he writes it with Donald.

[510] Yeah, yeah.

[511] And it was just kind of this thing of, we're always trying to put things in.

[512] categories.

[513] And so they are closer to each other than we are to a sunny or do an Abbott Elementary.

[514] I think being in that tonal umbrella, I take it as a compliment.

[515] The hit for your ego is I just want to be original.

[516] So I don't want to be compared to anything.

[517] Like that's what stings.

[518] Right.

[519] This is mine.

[520] Yeah, yeah.

[521] That's the part that hurts.

[522] And then the obvious part is like, well, I'm being compared to the greatest show on TV.

[523] So that's pretty great too.

[524] I was trying to figure it out what it is.

[525] Like so one aspect is all three shows explored.

[526] drama within the comedy really effortlessly organically it's not like in the ABC family sitcom when it's like we're going to cue it with some music and now we're going to have a sentimental saccharine moment that's not happening it's just the comedy is going to be unflinching and then the results are going to be unflinching there's like a commitment to reality so that's one aspect that they all share another one is they're really really authentic peaks into cultures Atlanta black culture I watch Atlanta I'm like that's gas station life in Detroit like when I'm in Detroit and I'm hanging at the gas station I've already got my shit and I'm like I'm going to hang my car for him and just watch what's happening because the whole world's happened at the gas station in Detroit so that felt familiar and then now you have Mo which you also are a part of but we haven't seen the Arab experience in a comedy or if it's happened I apologize to whoever made it that I missed so privileged perspective and peek into like a culture but I don't even think that's it as you say larry david created a paradigm i'd argue before him bill murray created a paradigm like bill murray plus letterman created a comedic paradigm that lasted like 30 years so i think we're at the tail end of the larry david era and it's like well it's now replacing it and there is some kind of self -reflective point of view now that's happening yeah not just why is it funny and why are we acting that way and why are we showing you the archetypes but we're like actually taking the second s what's motivating it.

[527] And there's still so much comedy in that.

[528] It just gets more hysterical as you drill down.

[529] Yes, I think that's right.

[530] I think there's something in the Zoom in, in storytelling, there are waves of things.

[531] And I wouldn't even call them trends.

[532] It's actually more, oh, this is kind of the natural way that people move and look.

[533] Even if you want to really blast it out and look at it from like a stupid political point of view, it'll always happen.

[534] It's like, we go Democrat, we go Republican, we go Democrat, we go, it's just like society does it.

[535] that is part of how we are as humans.

[536] Why do you think we just bounce back and forth?

[537] It's our natural desire for balance.

[538] And I think it's just kind of, you know, the Arabic word for human being is in Sen, and the root of that word is to forget.

[539] So it's literally saying the human being is forgetful.

[540] Like that is like actually the top attribute of who we are.

[541] It's the defining characteristic.

[542] We get sad and we forget what it's like to be happy.

[543] We get happy.

[544] We forget what it's like to be sad.

[545] That's how you survive it.

[546] Yeah, we're constantly ping ponging and that's just how we are.

[547] And so I think that that is, to me, so baked into everything in my life, especially after a certain point, you're just trying to set up a life in which you are actively remembering these nuggets that you reached through tough experiences where you were like, oh, that's what I actually care about.

[548] And then you can go away from that for two years and then be like, oh, fuck, I learned this lesson.

[549] You know, like, oh, why didn't I not remember it?

[550] And then, you know, the more life goes on and all that, you're like, oh, I've realized I am designing a life for myself in which I have set it up between my partner, between my work life, between how I approach the day, all that, where everything I'm doing is in a design so that I can be as in remembrance as possible of what I actually care about, about who I actually love, about how I want to move.

[551] Yeah.

[552] I have the same breakthrough every three days.

[553] It's the exact same breakthrough.

[554] And when I have it, it's as transon is the first 1100 times I had it.

[555] It feels so much better when I drink water.

[556] And you're like, fuck.

[557] It keeps coming back to water.

[558] But like, why can't it just be?

[559] I know.

[560] When will it settle in?

[561] Because life would be so boring in a slog.

[562] You'd be at the top of the mountain forever and it would just get boring.

[563] Which brings me to my explanation for the pendulum, which is we just all have a very short attention span.

[564] Yeah.

[565] And we just tire of things.

[566] We've had this great polarization now for 15 years.

[567] And I'm hoping just boredom will bring us back together.

[568] Because the other approaches don't seem to be working.

[569] But I hope people are just tired.

[570] of the boring fucking rhetoric.

[571] I hope.

[572] I think there's either going to be some sort of boring thing or something's going to have to give in terms of just the musical chairs of like how everything's working goes.

[573] Because it's like when you get into American exceptionalism in a real way, it's like we get everything that we want.

[574] And this is something we talk about in season one, episode four.

[575] There's like the strawberries analogy that the show is almost based on, which is like, we get everything that we want at the cost of people in other places, not getting what they want.

[576] And so we have this analogy where we're kind of pointing out that there's this period in Egypt where there's less breadfields because they have to grow more strawberries.

[577] So Egyptians get less bread day to day so that Americans can have strawberries all year because they go out of season.

[578] So it's like everything has a cost.

[579] Even like our fighting, it leaves out this huge part of the population.

[580] And so my hope is there's a bit of a boredom of the fighting but also a real zoom out in compassion and love to kind of be like, whoa, we're not even fighting about the right thing.

[581] There's so much we should be fighting for That would be way more collective I don't know every conversation I have ends in talking about the climate But like there's so much There is so much that we are ignoring collectively The answer Fuck fuck fuck the answer is always love Like it's so crazy to say it But once it is the conversation like really grows So I think to your point about being in a more therapeutic Reflective state Everyone's talking about therapy more communities that have rejected it or not even talked about it.

[582] It's a way more open conversation.

[583] And I think that's amazing.

[584] It goes back to tribal cultures.

[585] You know, you would go to the spiritual leader.

[586] Everyone would go to whoever it was.

[587] This was part of regulation for humans.

[588] And then we kind of got disconnected from that.

[589] Yeah.

[590] Okay.

[591] Let's fast forward to the thing I wanted to ask.

[592] I'm going to own all my naive realism, all my xenophobia, all that.

[593] I'm going to own maybe that's in the stew.

[594] Because episode one starts off with you at a mosque, and it's the wash. And it's great.

[595] And you've got to wash between your toes.

[596] And I didn't know you washed the inside of your nose out.

[597] That was kind of news to me. And I'm watching all the different routines and rituals that go into ultimately praying.

[598] And for me, who's not Muslim and totally atheist, when I'm watching the show about Mormons, I'm having the same.

[599] I'm like, oh, my God, the fucking layers.

[600] I feel claustrophobic when I watch this stuff.

[601] Right.

[602] I'm dying to know what you think about all that.

[603] But it's now occurring to me. If the baseline assumption in Islam is man forgets, that must be the counter force.

[604] It's just like hourly, like the five pillars and praying twice a day.

[605] Is that what it's all about?

[606] Bingo.

[607] So, yeah, the premise is the human forgets, then you must need a toolbox of things to make you remember almost hourly.

[608] Yeah.

[609] I noticed it first in Moe, because I have seen Moe, which is great.

[610] Thank you.

[611] Thank you.

[612] The percentage of just civil.

[613] discourse between family members includes praise to God.

[614] Every other sentence is acknowledging God.

[615] And again, I was like, oh, my God, it's laborious.

[616] Like, it's for me, for me, not for anyone else.

[617] Please, everyone do what they want to do.

[618] But I was like, oh, my God, there's a lot.

[619] Is it not feel like a lot for you because it is the water you grew up in?

[620] Or does it feel like a lot for you as well?

[621] It's a big chunk of the day.

[622] Yeah, I mean, I think it's all how you want to interpret it and how you want to take it.

[623] It's actually neither good nor bad.

[624] The phone in our pocket all day.

[625] Is that helping us or is it abusing us?

[626] I can say it's bad.

[627] I would counteract.

[628] Is it bad?

[629] Or do you just not know how to use it?

[630] Because it's like you can say it's draining my attention all day.

[631] It's doing this is doing that.

[632] I personally don't think we should complain about technology because I think it is a massive gift.

[633] I think it's connected the whole world.

[634] I think you can learn anything that you want.

[635] Our issue with technology is we are overwhelmed by it.

[636] We don't know.

[637] what to do with it.

[638] So we're lost in it.

[639] So it's like you have this tool in your pocket and yeah, is it good or is it bad?

[640] That's totally up to like how you want to go.

[641] So the idea of religion and remembering and mentioning God in every sentence, well, what does that mean?

[642] I mean, is that a zoom out that actually helps you have perspective so you don't give into your anger when you're talking to your friend or your family member?

[643] Or are you abused with it by people who are using it to manipulate you, right?

[644] So right now, we're in the dark ages of religion.

[645] So that thing you're feeling is so accurate because I really feel like we are in the era of the industry of religion.

[646] So religion has been used to make money in various religious countries all over the world.

[647] And empower people.

[648] And every church, you know, all these places, mosques, synagogues, what they're doing with their money, how they're talking to people.

[649] They are using it to create an industry of power and wealth.

[650] And division.

[651] And division.

[652] So this is something that's been going on.

[653] Yeah.

[654] And it's absolutely corrupt.

[655] That's also, though, in the way we're talking about the seesaw, right?

[656] So we're talking about the seesaw of like, we go one way, we go another way.

[657] You know, I think there's two ways of looking at that.

[658] You can look at Christianity and say crusades, but you can also say if you look at how people created civilized societies that grew in ways that didn't before once they were united in religion.

[659] You know, if you look at the cultural renaissance that happened when Islam was.

[660] creating art and math and science, you know, and then it goes to this other thing where it's like, oh shit, there's all this other shit.

[661] These things go back and forth, and so I think to like pin it on the thing, it doesn't ever quite feel like the right answer.

[662] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[663] We've all been there.

[664] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[665] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[666] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[667] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[668] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[669] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[670] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[671] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[672] What's up, guys?

[673] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[674] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[675] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[676] And I don't mean just friends.

[677] I mean the likes of Amy Pee.

[678] Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[679] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[680] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[681] You said so many things that lit my brain up.

[682] One is I would argue that I'm attempting to zoom up even beyond that.

[683] So I'm an alien.

[684] I'm watching all the little monkeys run around the planet.

[685] Some are saying God in every sentence.

[686] Some are not.

[687] My metric is what did they do with their lives and how did they live and what were their actions?

[688] and what was their pervasive experience on Earth.

[689] Forget right or wrong.

[690] I don't really care.

[691] I have no position on it.

[692] Every character in your show is dealing with the brunt of being a human, and they're all ultimately going to be human.

[693] And is that the technology that alleviates that?

[694] Or is it, in fact, setting up this binary good and bad thing that no one's ever going to achieve, and you're going to be left but to only live as a failure at all times?

[695] then beg for forgiveness for it.

[696] I'm more interested in, these are technologies cultures have created.

[697] What are the results?

[698] Could I look at Muslims or Christians or Jewish people and say any one of them is living a better life or a more pure existence or a more benevolent?

[699] I don't think I can isolate any of the three as doing any of those things.

[700] Well, but the thing is that in and of itself, even in the question, is capitalist framework, which is basically did doing this get me more this, right?

[701] So you're kind of looking at faith in the way you would look at a bank account where it's like, well, I go to that job, well, how much money did you get?

[702] Okay, you prayed five times a day, well, do you have cancer?

[703] You know, it's like as if that should equate.

[704] And the whole process of doing it is actually, it is about the humanity.

[705] So the show, why the show is funny is because it sets up something that is inherently not true.

[706] It sets up the good, bad binary.

[707] And it makes it feel that way.

[708] And that, to me, is comedy.

[709] Because we can't say that.

[710] And we don't know that.

[711] every single human being has a personal arc. Everyone knows inside their heart where they started and really where they're headed and what they did with what they were given, whether that be behaviors that are just inherently in them, the circumstances they had.

[712] But no one really knows what's going on with anyone other than themselves in a really, really deep way.

[713] You know, even your wife doesn't really like it.

[714] You know, she knows as much as you've told her she can see certain things.

[715] Maybe she can see things you can't see.

[716] I was going to say in some ways knows me better than I know me. some ways.

[717] But there is a really deeply personal arc that everyone goes through and how they view life and how they enjoy moments and how they get perspective.

[718] That can't be marked from the outside.

[719] You just can't.

[720] You can't look at someone and say, oh, look at that Muslim.

[721] Look how dope his house is.

[722] Islam's dope.

[723] It doesn't work like that.

[724] So it's really about what helps you be present.

[725] So the idea of mentioning God so regularly in the way that we do, if that helps you actually be present, be like, holy shit, I'm here.

[726] I'm with you.

[727] Yeah, it's an act of humility.

[728] It's a tool.

[729] I want to almost equate it to sobriety.

[730] Like, you know for you that there are tools you have to implement to bring you back because you're human.

[731] I'm supposed to be at a beva.

[732] Exactly.

[733] At all times.

[734] Exactly.

[735] You were built for that.

[736] I was built for a bea.

[737] But your ultimate goal is to not kill yourself and to have children around.

[738] So you have to implement tools.

[739] to keep yourself there.

[740] Big time.

[741] But I'm open to evaluating the efficacy of this program of tools I'm using AA.

[742] And it's best day, 30 % effective?

[743] A invokes God a lot.

[744] Oh, my God.

[745] They hit you overhead with it.

[746] Yeah, it's been one of my hurdles.

[747] But if I make it relative to no AA, the success rate is like 1%.

[748] I know this is a very capitalist framing of it.

[749] But I got to go like what one is more effective.

[750] Forget it's grand effectiveness.

[751] I don't think what you're saying is capitalist because I don't think you should ignore data.

[752] Like, it's really clear to say, hey, when I am with my wife and I am doing my workouts and I am doing this, I am markedly happier.

[753] That's dope.

[754] I couldn't say that about you.

[755] Only you could say that about it.

[756] And I want to be like a thousand percent clear.

[757] Yeah.

[758] I'm not trying to pull holes in it.

[759] No, no, no. I'm trying to understand how those things for you are the same as what you say, like me exercising, journaling, meditating.

[760] That's interesting.

[761] I didn't think of it that way.

[762] Like, it brings you back down to the greater pitch.

[763] And when you're in the middle of something petty, it's like, well, no, there's God.

[764] Different framing.

[765] I believe the world is split into what you can see and what you can't see.

[766] And I think we all have our own relationship with that.

[767] And I think our fears and our anxieties, those all live in the unseen.

[768] So if I'm going to sit and daydream about what you might think about me when I leave or this thing might happen where I go tomorrow or, oh, my God, this other thing.

[769] And Hollywood's all that, right?

[770] So it's like you are daydreaming and fantasizing and often living in the unseen.

[771] And now that can go in both ways.

[772] It can be the social parts of it, which can feel nightmarish.

[773] And then it can be the really beautiful part about it, which is like the art is why we're here.

[774] Because we love the unseen because it's like before we write that script, we're seeing it.

[775] And then even when it's written, it still doesn't exist.

[776] Then we go and we do it.

[777] And so anyone here doing what we do is dealing with the unseen.

[778] And now for me, it's like, okay, so some of these spiritual practices, for me, my faith is going to be about, well, now this helps me fortify.

[779] the language that I have with the unseen.

[780] So if I feel like I want to be clear, I want to write, I want to be in with my principles, what does that look like for me?

[781] When I'm on my prayers, when I'm remembering why I'm doing this, when I'm like really rooted.

[782] And then there's times where I've been less on that practice and less there.

[783] And everything feels really untethered and random.

[784] And I'm just driving down Wilshire.

[785] And I'm like, maybe if I stop at this coffee bean, I'll be able to write.

[786] You know, and I'm like, you ever like drive down Wilshire?

[787] just wondering if it's all going to fall apart.

[788] And you're just kind of like, what?

[789] You know, I travel a lot doing stand -up.

[790] And it is just super grounding anywhere I am.

[791] I look on my phone.

[792] I'm like, oh, there's a mosque.

[793] Four blocks away.

[794] Let me just go.

[795] Pop in.

[796] Wash up.

[797] There's hurdles, though.

[798] You can walk into the mosque, right?

[799] And be like, man, this women's section sucks.

[800] They didn't clean the carpet.

[801] Even AA, this just fixed me. Look at all these hurdles.

[802] Because we're human.

[803] There's no door you're going to go into that isn't going to have all of that stuff.

[804] I'm with you.

[805] I'm with you.

[806] But if we could agree.

[807] on some metrics like we would go human flourishing fulfillment yeah shame and suffering three simple metrics and then we could through the people's own words hand out questionnaires to everyone on plan earth and then we could look and go like okay this group seem to be suffering much greater again it's going to be hard to correct for the gaps in wealth in human services and stuff but somehow we can correct for all that i like your earlier embrace of technology is like it's our reaction into technology.

[808] First of all, I think that's really cool and true.

[809] And then also there's a part of me that's like, no, the technology is more powerful than us.

[810] So we actually can't compete with it.

[811] It's hijacked our dopamine circuits.

[812] Yeah, it's definitely engineered.

[813] We're either playing with the devil or we're snorting cocaine.

[814] You know, sure.

[815] One could argue the humans are the problem and not the cocaine.

[816] But, you know, cocaine's also the problem.

[817] But that framing is me believing in us.

[818] That's me saying, you know what?

[819] I know this thing's been engineered to take my attention, but I still believe in us.

[820] Yeah, that's cool.

[821] I do too.

[822] I'm betting us.

[823] The robots are going to be laughing.

[824] In like 30 years, the robots find this thing.

[825] Like, oh, they thought they were going to win.

[826] But what worries me about religion is that imagine that we're running our iPhones on the code that was written for the compact 464 or whatever fucking 25 years ago software for the computer.

[827] It concerns me a little bit that there's a structure that humans are adhering to that was written by humans a thousand years ago, two thousand years ago, three thousand years ago.

[828] The fact that it's not like the constitution in that it's a living document that can evolve and take on new data, I guess that's probably my biggest reservation about religion.

[829] I mean, you said a lot of really great stuff, but I think just even this last point, it's supposed to work like that, at least in Islam.

[830] So the way I was taught and taught is the key word is I talk to teachers.

[831] So there's people who are constantly taking what's there and looking at it through a modern framework.

[832] You're not meant to just sit with the book alone in a closet and then come out.

[833] Crazy shit's going to happen, you know, because really you need an intercessor.

[834] So the human is the updated software?

[835] The human is taking it.

[836] I mean, there's this quote in our culture that Islam should be like the water that's clear going over the riverbed wherever it is.

[837] And so every river has different stones.

[838] So you're still going to see what's underneath that's unique to the landscape and then this idea of love and faith is kind of flowing over it so it's going to look different in China it's going to look different in America and then it's kind of up to everyone to understand how it's practiced So maybe Islam and the Quran are the ones and zeros they're done that's the building blocks and now the ones and zero is going to be assembled into all these ways which is the updated software it can evolve indefinitely with the ones and zeros I have a buddy of mine who's in our writer's room and we put this joke in the third season of our show where we have this sheikh who's kind of like this updated mega shake but he has this huge keynote presentation that he gives that says the Quran is the original blockchain.

[839] I got there.

[840] You got there.

[841] You got there.

[842] Thank God we didn't have this interview before season three.

[843] I'd be like, that motherfucker.

[844] Oh, and the other point you're talking about, though, kind of if we did an emotional census, you know, around the world, a well -being.

[845] A well -being.

[846] Putting aside, are people answering honestly?

[847] I think you'd be surprised.

[848] I genuinely think that you might see people who have less enjoy certain things more than people who have as much as we have.

[849] Yes, but you might see that the people in India with less are happier than the people in Pakistan with less.

[850] Or conversely.

[851] Yeah, maybe.

[852] And at that point, we'd have to go.

[853] But then we'd be getting into India, Pakistan politics, which, you know, those never We don't want to go there.

[854] You tackled Israel, Palestine.

[855] So, season four, let's do Pakistan, India.

[856] I think, yeah, it's so new.

[857] I hate that you don't want to be heard.

[858] It drives me crazy.

[859] I love being heard.

[860] I love hearing you.

[861] I edit, and I know how loud I am.

[862] I don't know how to tell you this.

[863] I told you so many times.

[864] You're loud.

[865] It sounds so loud when I hear it.

[866] So I know to push it away.

[867] You don't sound loud at all, though.

[868] Yeah.

[869] Have you ever heard this show?

[870] Yeah.

[871] You have.

[872] Yeah, yeah.

[873] You don't have to say yes to that.

[874] No, but I have.

[875] Anyway, I forgot.

[876] Okay.

[877] I'm so sorry.

[878] I'm sorry.

[879] We were talking about well -being, Pakistan, India.

[880] Oh, oh, oh.

[881] You have to take it face value people's definition of well -being.

[882] My dad was telling me the story about this guy at his work, and he's from China, and he's older.

[883] And his definition of happiness is financial success, his kids going to a good school.

[884] Like, no matter what my dad says to him and is, like, trying to be like, No, but they're happy.

[885] It's already done.

[886] It's in there.

[887] That's his definition.

[888] No software update coming for him.

[889] No, and also, like, who is it really for us to say our definition is better than theirs?

[890] Well, you couldn't.

[891] You'd have to trust the subject, right?

[892] Like this Chinese guy your dad's working with, we'd have to trust that by some metric we figure out.

[893] He's feeling fulfilled.

[894] He looks at his narrative life with some pride and happiness.

[895] He's not full of regret and destructive habits driven by shame.

[896] I don't know.

[897] I don't give up on the fact that we could have valid.

[898] evaluate human suffering.

[899] But I think that that is in line with our obsession of needing to know.

[900] And I think that so much of what our challenge here is is accepting how much we will never know.

[901] And the more tools we get and the more technology we get, the more we think we could come up with a machine that'll tell us like how happy that guy is.

[902] And then we'll know.

[903] But I really think I cannot control where the world's going to take me. All I can do is focus on my inner presence, my inner peace, my love connection with the people I can see and my love connection with the unseen.

[904] And there's, I think, an inevitably beautiful submission in that.

[905] It could sound like a resignation.

[906] Resignation just doesn't sound as active as submission.

[907] Because submission is that choice.

[908] Or I would in my vernacular say acceptance.

[909] Acceptance.

[910] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[911] I accept the world as it is around me. I really deeply do.

[912] I'm not saying I fully do that.

[913] We struggle with every day.

[914] We just interviewed Phil Stutz.

[915] Did you watch the Stutz documentary?

[916] Yeah, yeah, of course.

[917] How fucking great it is it?

[918] Of course.

[919] He's amazing.

[920] So I actually think his pyramid of life force.

[921] Yes.

[922] i think that's a pure fucking pyramid right relationship with one's body with others oneself because me the cynic please you're sitting on the street in your show and you're confessing to the guy smoking he never says a word yeah he's the guy who's yelling at you to wash between your toes right yeah and like he's quote doing everything right right by this by this protocol he's nailing it and i'm like this motherfucker's on the verge of death he's pounding darts he's fucking so unhealthy.

[923] Where's the bottom rung of the life force?

[924] Like, that's just been completely ignored.

[925] And it seems that a lot of different practices allow one to completely ignore that.

[926] No, they don't.

[927] The practices don't.

[928] The issue is how they're practiced, you know, with a guy like that, right?

[929] Classic hypocrisy.

[930] So for those who haven't seen, because I know there's other people listening, but it's like this scene where he's teaching the ritual washing to my character.

[931] And he says, you're going to go to hell because you didn't put the water between your toes.

[932] You can't connect wall filthy, really.

[933] Yes, it's a faulty framework from a faulty guy.

[934] He's taking this thing.

[935] He's obsessing and zoning in on the thing.

[936] He's not an arbiter of really much.

[937] And I mean, I think that's also what I love about having a relationship with the unseen, is that there's no one who is going to walk into a room, and I'm really going to feel, oh, wow, like this person is the be all end all, has all answers.

[938] even great teachers, people I'm really inspired by, I know what they can teach me and what their inspiration and whatever it might be is always up for some sort of debate.

[939] And I'm not saying they're not truly right about many things, but I'm not going to be in a situation where I'm just in full submission to you.

[940] I'm in submission to what I don't understand.

[941] I'm an acceptance to the unseen.

[942] Everyone else comes underneath that.

[943] And I think that is what makes anywhere on earth work.

[944] You know what I mean?

[945] Like anything.

[946] You don't want to be in submission to your photography teacher.

[947] Like that person is your God.

[948] You know what I mean?

[949] Because then you get limited.

[950] Then you won't see it your own way.

[951] You have to personalize it.

[952] Humans have limitations.

[953] I mean, that's just it.

[954] Knowing that and not taking one person, it's like they know what they're doing completely and holy.

[955] That's how cults start, right?

[956] Yeah.

[957] So I look at that guy and I'm activated.

[958] That guy in the show.

[959] Yes.

[960] I'm in a legal case when I see him.

[961] And I'm like, you're filling your lungs with smoke and you're washing between your toes suck this dick.

[962] That's how I feel.

[963] Yeah.

[964] You feel like it's an assault.

[965] It is.

[966] It's my own baggage which is I remember my stepdad who ate terribly.

[967] Kristen said there's a lot of pesticides on apples.

[968] He lost his shit.

[969] Rightly so he's like oh my fucking God now you guys aren't eating apples right.

[970] I get it I get it and he was like so agitated and he was never aggressive boy this was his issue he was fucking Barton was revved up about us her saying there's pesticides on apples wow and truthfully i can step back and go like he never really wrangled in his carnal desires for unhealthy food he felt judged by our decisions and we never judged him i never cared how he ate but he felt judged by it and so probably my attack on that guy is i feel judged by pious people yeah and a lot of it's my baggage of growing up in an area with christians who i felt were really holier than now and self -righteous and many of them probably were equally fucking flawed if not sometimes worse because I thought it was under a veil of hypocrisy that's a big trigger for me dude I love pieces of shit I'm a fucking piece of shit be a scumbag I don't care but you better not lecture anyone when you're a scumback Bill Cosby it's objectively horrific what he did it's quadruple to me horrific that he's telling fucking Richard Pryor not say fuck on stage yeah that he's telling Lisa Bonay not to do nudity in a movie.

[971] I'm like, oh my God, you motherfucker.

[972] It makes him a monster.

[973] Yeah, that to me makes you transcend into a monster if you actually are lecturing, preaching, and being righteous when you're the same piece of shit we all are.

[974] Yeah.

[975] It's really wild.

[976] I mean, the teachers I've met that really inspire me, I've met all over the world and these are guys that wouldn't even want to be name checked because that's how humble they are.

[977] I swear to you, if they went to your house and they're using your bathroom and it was dirty, they'd clean it.

[978] That's where they're at.

[979] Wouldn't be like a big production?

[980] Like, look what I did.

[981] They would, though.

[982] They'd leave the world better than they found it.

[983] They really would.

[984] Like, this is how they move.

[985] They are obsessed with nature.

[986] I mean, I have this teacher that I know.

[987] He just hangs out in the mountains in Medellin.

[988] He's just like, it's so beautiful here.

[989] In Colombia.

[990] Yeah, and he's like, it's so beautiful here.

[991] You go down there.

[992] Yeah.

[993] We're lofty right now, but let's just, where the rubber hits the road.

[994] I want to go to Columbia so bad.

[995] I'm going in like two weeks.

[996] I'm coming.

[997] I'm there.

[998] You've got a travel buddy.

[999] You'll have security.

[1000] I'll do extra sets.

[1001] I'll see if I can get a handgun for us.

[1002] Oh, God.

[1003] These guys, they're talking about, can you believe the way plants replicate?

[1004] You know, they're just like, look at this.

[1005] They're in marvel of reality, reality.

[1006] Yeah, yeah.

[1007] By the way, this technology conversation that we were having earlier, I also had with one of my teachers.

[1008] And again, this is a person who's totally like, technology's amazing.

[1009] We're talking.

[1010] We do classes.

[1011] We send each other.

[1012] stuff.

[1013] I could say I love you from across the world.

[1014] We need to look at ourselves.

[1015] You know, this is the framework.

[1016] And I think that holier than thou falls under that industry of religion umbrella.

[1017] This is all weaponized.

[1018] This is all religion as capitalism.

[1019] This isn't, I'm here to accept you as you are.

[1020] This isn't any of that.

[1021] It's, yo, I'm better than you.

[1022] And I'm going to get a doper spot in heaven.

[1023] It's showbiz fantasy.

[1024] So for all the guys who couldn't get laid, they're going to go to heaven.

[1025] They get the most laid.

[1026] It's all show us fantasy.

[1027] It's Joe's fantasy.

[1028] Oh, yeah.

[1029] Well, if you die a martyr, you get a lot of virgin birth.

[1030] Is that lore?

[1031] That's some, a lot of people believe that.

[1032] It's scraps put together to put together some random stuff.

[1033] I didn't mean to perpetuate something right there, but it exists.

[1034] Oh, it's great to talk about.

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] If you said it, it's because it's a pervasive thought.

[1037] It got to you.

[1038] Yeah.

[1039] And it's there.

[1040] And I think it's part of how we view that part of the world.

[1041] The thing we were talking about earlier with strawberries, all these thoughts, like, oh, you know what they believe.

[1042] Oh, you know this.

[1043] Oh, you know that.

[1044] This is part of an ongoing campaign to actively dehumanize an entire region of the world so that when we take their resources, we care less.

[1045] That's all this is about, right?

[1046] Or we make them primitive.

[1047] We do it in L .A. I lived here for 10 years.

[1048] The same thing that happens in Compton would not be able to happen in Brentwood because that's how we've sectioned off where we live.

[1049] And I think what you see now that's really interesting too.

[1050] I've been in a lot of conversations where people say, I can't believe you'd even go to the Middle East.

[1051] I can't believe you'd even go to Saudi Arabia.

[1052] Look at how they treat gay people.

[1053] Look at this.

[1054] Look at that.

[1055] We have this.

[1056] really quick superiority complex gay marriage passed in the United States in 2015.

[1057] Obama was against it until Biden said he liked Will and Grace.

[1058] That was the gaffe.

[1059] Biden said I like Will and Grace.

[1060] And then they're like, shit, Obama's got to say something.

[1061] Now look at where we are.

[1062] Now we are eight years removed from that.

[1063] Oh, we're so high.

[1064] And we look at those savages and look at what they do.

[1065] And you don't know anything about what the quality of life is.

[1066] You're looking at scraps.

[1067] The openly gay culture that exists in the Middle East is so much more nuanced than anyone could guess, even if legalized marriage is not, you know, where it is here.

[1068] The way that people talk to each other in general, the way certain qualities of lives are, the way people in Saudi Arabia all have health care, the way that we can just look at other places and be so quick to say what we say, we're taking scraps.

[1069] It's as if people look at America and they look at the January 6 guys and they go, well, look, that's what they all do.

[1070] And they look at what we've done with abortion and they say, oh, look, you can't even get an abortion in that country.

[1071] Or if the state media in any Middle Eastern country filtered the news.

[1072] So it was only the news from Florida man's.

[1073] Yeah.

[1074] That is 100%.

[1075] That is genius.

[1076] That is literally how we look at the Middle East.

[1077] Well, it's how we look at the world.

[1078] And by the way, I've challenged publicly on Kimmel Putin to a death match.

[1079] So I hate Putin and I want to fight into the death.

[1080] Hilarious.

[1081] Even talk about that.

[1082] Poor young Russians.

[1083] I know.

[1084] Russia had people our age, not you, yeah, but our age, on the brink of breaking into real amazing business.

[1085] All of them got set back 40, 50 years.

[1086] And they don't want it.

[1087] Bam, that's a whole generation that just got buried.

[1088] Yeah, by one dude.

[1089] But my obligation is to really mount the opposite argument at all time.

[1090] Who knows where I land, but I really give it a go.

[1091] So I remember when they were hosting the Olympics in Sochi, you know, they put gay dudes in prison.

[1092] They're killing all the dogs.

[1093] And I was like, we're killing like four million dogs a day in America.

[1094] No, I'm exaggerating.

[1095] I don't know what the number is.

[1096] But I promise you, they don't even have the infrastructure to kill as many dogs as we're killing the hypocrisy of like these nasty, dirty Russians are killing dogs.

[1097] Guys, we're killing millions of dogs.

[1098] Look at Qatar in the World Cup.

[1099] Oh, yeah.

[1100] Yeah, out of nowhere.

[1101] All of a sudden, we're talking about how state.

[1102] stadiums are built.

[1103] Right, right.

[1104] Never heard that conversation before.

[1105] A lot of people probably died.

[1106] And I think it's happened in every World Cup.

[1107] Human suffering is so insane and it's everywhere and it's in anywhere you live.

[1108] No one has moral high ground.

[1109] American exceptionalism has to end.

[1110] We can't keep looking at the world like this.

[1111] It's killing us.

[1112] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1113] Even the legalization of gay marriage, if you ask any gay person, didn't fix homophobia.

[1114] It's rampant.

[1115] No, it's gone, Monica.

[1116] Oh, I didn't get the memo.

[1117] I guess I didn't hear.

[1118] Good news.

[1119] Yeah, yeah.

[1120] It's great.

[1121] And Obama ended racism.

[1122] That's right.

[1123] We were post -race, post -homophobia.

[1124] The headline I read was like, Chinese government forcing athletes to train injured.

[1125] I was like, what are we talking about?

[1126] Every great fucking Olympic documentary I watch about our gymnastics that are like fucking bouncing around on broken femurs and shit.

[1127] That makes us strong.

[1128] Oh, my God.

[1129] No, but you know that thing you're talking about, but like that feeling of where you grew up and the holier than now energy you got from some Christian people that really gives you that feeling.

[1130] That is what the rest of the world feels about America.

[1131] I think it's like it is that holier than now Christian kid that's like, are you kidding me?

[1132] Yeah, it's true.

[1133] And I've had the experience, his name shall go unname, but I was abroad while we had a certain president that the world hated.

[1134] I felt sad at the notion that we would be conflated with this one human leading us.

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] I wanted to tap everyone on the shoulder in England, go like, the majority of us don't.

[1137] Like, we're not with this.

[1138] And we don't want to separate from the world.

[1139] And we don't want to bail out of the fucking treaty accords.

[1140] That's like my whole childhood, you know, my family tapping people be like, Islam is peaceful.

[1141] Don't listen to just the one fucking random dude.

[1142] Hussein has said that, too.

[1143] The weight on the shoulders of immigrants.

[1144] And that's one thing I really like, and I read that you said, this isn't a whitewashed version of Muslim people, the show.

[1145] It's not like, we're.

[1146] not really religious.

[1147] It's like, no, we are.

[1148] Yeah, yeah.

[1149] And that doesn't make us bad.

[1150] I have always kind of felt like the show is actually for Muslims.

[1151] And I think for everyone else who watches it, it's like, have you ever been in a battle between what you feel like is your higher self or your lower self, you know?

[1152] Have you ever had that thing where you wake up in the morning and you go for a run?

[1153] And then somehow you're in the fucking Wendy's parking lot at midnight.

[1154] binge eating sugar and a burger and whatever because it had the most terrible phone call with my mom.

[1155] There's who we want to be and then who we actually are.

[1156] And we're trying to fill that gap.

[1157] And we're doing that as a society.

[1158] And I think the more we are in acknowledgement of not only just the gap there now, but there will always be a gap between who we are and who we want to be.

[1159] That gap you make room for love, whether it's for yourself or whether it's for other people.

[1160] But we try to just present like that doesn't exist.

[1161] It's killing us.

[1162] Yeah.

[1163] You know, so when I was trying to isolate the connective tissue of the three, and I am not saying this in a super liberal kumbaya way, I don't want a dissolution of pockets of culture at all.

[1164] I was an anthropology major.

[1165] We haven't heard that in a bit.

[1166] It's been a long time.

[1167] It's been a year since I've said that.

[1168] It's been a while since you came clean.

[1169] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1170] People make fun of me how often I say.

[1171] Yeah, yeah.

[1172] I want all these beautiful little colorful pockets all over the world.

[1173] I don't want a big melting nothing.

[1174] But in this really privileged peek into this culture, what I realize is no matter what the details of your existence or your character are, you're going to have familial issues, you're going to have self issues, you're going to have financial issues, you're going to struggle with status.

[1175] There is something beautifully unifying about story, and that doesn't really matter what shape it takes.

[1176] it's going to be driven.

[1177] The fuel for a human is going to be pretty relatable things.

[1178] Yeah.

[1179] And that's what I think is groovy about it.

[1180] Yeah, it's about seeking.

[1181] That is what drives me. It's what drives the engine of the story of the show.

[1182] Because I think there is a style of comedy that isn't seeking, right?

[1183] It's just like, everything's fucked.

[1184] Let me just roast it.

[1185] We're not doing that.

[1186] It's more like, I got my eye on this target, and the target actually points back inwards.

[1187] And I want to fill this hole inside me. And along that journey, yeah, we're going to throw a jab here, a jab there.

[1188] And for me, this is something I figured out in stand up to that I take into any time I'm writing.

[1189] I realized any time I would, like, roast someone in the audience, I'd feel really bad after.

[1190] Yeah, you're a little hangover.

[1191] I'd be like, why did I do that shit?

[1192] Yeah.

[1193] I stopped doing it pretty quickly because I was just like, of course I'm funnier than them.

[1194] I have the mic.

[1195] Yeah, exactly.

[1196] Oh, cool.

[1197] I got up here and told someone they were a dick while they were drunk trying to make something happen maybe in their romance.

[1198] It's so weird.

[1199] And then I realized I didn't even really like telling jokes that were just about other people unless they involved my own reflection as to how I related to them.

[1200] Anytime I've joked about a celebrity or a person or this or at that, it's always about how we're like more alike than we're not.

[1201] Where it's like, oh, am I really going to look at them without like, you know, that to me as an engine is really important because I just think there's enough of that.

[1202] I don't find it interesting at the end of the day.

[1203] It also ignores a truth that people aren't readily excited to accept, which is the people you hate.

[1204] in our gossiping about either have the same character defects as you or they want the same thing as you or they have the thing you want you're not going to really escape that that's so concise there's so many people that are objectively annoying that don't interest me at all because they're not the same kind of annoying as I am yeah you know there's like quiet people that hate other quiet people I like hate other loud people I hate other opinionated people I hate other know it all I hate other status seekers I'm not even aware of what the fuck else is going on.

[1205] Back to we're in this time period of therapy and self -reflection.

[1206] Nowadays, when you see cheap shots, even if it's someone, quote, above.

[1207] Punching up?

[1208] Yeah, but it's not unless, like you said, you make it about you, because then you just look at it and you're like, what's the point of you saying this about that person?

[1209] There's a bunch of ways to skin the cat.

[1210] I too have a very similar comedic sensibility as you do.

[1211] I've turned down every invitation to a roast.

[1212] I've been offered a trillion in time.

[1213] I'm like, A, I'm too sensitive.

[1214] I'll laugh it in front of the camera and then it'll kill me like a month later.

[1215] Oh, fuck.

[1216] And then I don't feel good when I fucking blast anyone.

[1217] I'm not a bully by nature.

[1218] The version I like is hearing Richard Pryor talk about setting his hair on fire, free basing coke.

[1219] But within it, he stumbles upon the internal dialogue that we can all relate to.

[1220] Yeah.

[1221] The laugh is in the, oh my God, we all do.

[1222] Like, that's the hope for me at all times.

[1223] It's like to latch onto that mirror neuron.

[1224] juicy tingle.

[1225] Oh my God, I know exactly what it's like to part your hair in the mirror for three hours straight.

[1226] And it feels like a contribution.

[1227] I think I would feel weird if there wasn't a part of me that thought there's a job here.

[1228] And so what part of this is work?

[1229] And I think what you just said is really concise.

[1230] It feels in a good way like work when it's like, yo, I'm offering something that can hopefully help people see something of themselves.

[1231] And if it's at a comedy club, if you watch the 30 -minute thing that any of us were a part of or whatever, listen to this, where someone would feel less alone, someone would feel seen, would feel inspired, and then that would ripple into their ecosystem.

[1232] However it does, maybe it says, oh, man, I feel seen, and I can just enjoy this meal with this person I love more because that happened, and I got a reprieve for a minute from the insanity of my own mind.

[1233] Or the amount of people I've heard from who are like, I saw your show, I had a conversation with my parents I never would have had, I went to therapy.

[1234] be the number of things that I've heard have made it really worth it because at the time when we first put the show out and this is how I know it's for people in the various communities that I intersect with because there were a lot of people who were like really pissed about it it took like a big blow from people who were just like fuck that that's not Muslim so sometimes I'd be like man I wish I didn't name the show Rami but in many ways it's the best thing I ever did because it was very clear about I'm not trying to speak for everybody I'm just talking about how I see it there's so many different kinds of Muslims.

[1235] There's Arab Muslims.

[1236] There's black Muslims.

[1237] Don't get this mistaken.

[1238] This is just about my side of the road.

[1239] It's funny because I wrote Mo as well with Mo and we got way less blowback on that.

[1240] And I think it's because it was kind of softened.

[1241] I remember just feeling like I'm taking an initial hit.

[1242] And there's a part of me that felt, oh, I'm donating something here.

[1243] I'm offering something.

[1244] This is fine.

[1245] Like we're just breaking open like a conversation.

[1246] Some people might quote unquote hate me. They don't.

[1247] It's worth it because it's like we're just opening up new cinematic contemporary language for ourselves, which we haven't had in Western media.

[1248] You can't be enough of anything.

[1249] It's so weird that when you enter into a space and you're actually finally going to give some representation, there's a kind of eaten by your own phenomena.

[1250] You're going to have a nice, gentle reason why that's okay.

[1251] I'm going to buy in.

[1252] I can feel it.

[1253] You're like, I already figured out the flow of our combo.

[1254] I just think it's, I think it's natural.

[1255] I think it's healthy.

[1256] I think it happens.

[1257] I think it's a sign of something being effective.

[1258] And I think that it's all open to critique.

[1259] And it's important to every time something's not perfect or not accurate in the show, if someone said it to me, I'm like, well, good.

[1260] Well, thank God.

[1261] Like, I don't want you to think this is so accurate and so perfect.

[1262] Because then you might start to believe it.

[1263] Like, it's a TV show.

[1264] Let it just inspire what you want.

[1265] But like, don't, this isn't how to be.

[1266] This isn't what to do.

[1267] This isn't anything.

[1268] This is an attempt at opening up conversation and creating connection, and it's going to be riddled with faults.

[1269] And there's one or two scenes that the lighting isn't what I wanted it to be, too, you know.

[1270] And that's fine.

[1271] That's always been important for me in just processing it and kind of understanding it.

[1272] I don't think there's bad guys.

[1273] I don't believe in good and evil binary.

[1274] But I will say if I had to label a bad guy, I'd actually say it's militarism.

[1275] It's fundamentalism.

[1276] It's the hardest core of every group.

[1277] I'm pretty opposed to hardcore militant about anything.

[1278] I'm with you in that I don't believe in bad guys.

[1279] I actually think we are all good, but we are afflicted with different illnesses.

[1280] COVID was so illuminating in how I frame this in my mind because it was like, okay, my friend has COVID.

[1281] I can't see them.

[1282] That doesn't mean I don't love them.

[1283] They just have COVID so we can't be near each other.

[1284] I started thinking about everything like that where I'd be like, man, I love my friend, but he's really afflicted with anger and jealousy.

[1285] And because of that, the rules of anger and jealousy mean I can really only see him if we're having coffee one -on -one.

[1286] I don't like seeing him in group environments.

[1287] And it started to kind of just like really like, I was almost like, what are the rules around what I know to be someone that I connect with on a level, but it doesn't work in this environment.

[1288] Otherwise, they're going to flame up or I might catch it.

[1289] So how about let's just look at when can we be near each other one way?

[1290] But I don't think he's bad.

[1291] I just think he's got that.

[1292] And I have my illnesses and I have the things that come up for me when I'm in certain environments.

[1293] That was really a framing that I have embraced over the last few years because it was really not sitting well with me being like this person is a good person is a bad person I just feel like our brains have been fucking like marveled out into these storylines it's just not how any of it works no division yet but that's a great way to draw boundaries that's what you did that's drawing boundaries but it's good to put it in a mindset of it's not I have to draw this boundary because that person's toxic or that person's bad no we're all doing a thing and for me I can't do this with them right in that situation these circumstances doesn't have to be such a hard and fast rule.

[1294] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[1295] Romney, you're kind of blow on my mind.

[1296] Dude, this is amazing.

[1297] Like, you came in and I thought you were super cute and talented.

[1298] And now I'm thinking you're like, you're higher on the transcendence ladder.

[1299] No, now we're going to Columbia.

[1300] I think in Scientology, they climb the bridge.

[1301] I'm like, oh, goddamn.

[1302] I think, I think Romney's like four or five steps ahead of me on the bridge.

[1303] No, I met the, I met the, like, the to, like, I'm at the toll at the bridge and they're like you got to pay cash and I'm like oh but I have easy pass and they're like no you got to pay and I'm like fuck you know can I drive back I'm definitely negotiating getting on the bridge have you have you been on this journey since like high school high school I had a big read about every religion and question am I only what I am because I was born into it I was working at the Apple store there was this guy when I was at the Apple store who worked with me were you a genius uh no I was a specialist uh what is this specials You just sell the laptops.

[1304] Yeah, yeah, it was pretty good about that.

[1305] I couldn't fix that.

[1306] I could sell them.

[1307] Might be an analogy for a lot of things in my life.

[1308] But I was there, and there's a dude I worked with, and I never forget the way he looked to me. He was like, you're only Muslim because you were born into it.

[1309] He, like, Mike dropped and walked away, and I was like, whoa.

[1310] It was good.

[1311] I mean, I think, like, the question asking, all that stuff, is just seeking.

[1312] And you start to feel, even if that's the case, so much of our life is just embracing what we were born with.

[1313] Whether it's physically, whether it's emotionally, whether it's spiritually, in a really good way and there's so many paths to what we're talking about.

[1314] We're talking about submission, awareness, love, connection.

[1315] Service.

[1316] You called it work.

[1317] I call it service.

[1318] Service.

[1319] You know, like, yeah, that's a better word, I think.

[1320] You start to kind of feel like there's nothing wrong with that.

[1321] Yeah, so I've definitely been thinking about this stuff always.

[1322] It's my favorite thing to think about.

[1323] I'm with you in high school.

[1324] Yeah, I started for me there.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] Your bridge walk?

[1327] Yeah, but I was going slower, apparently.

[1328] I was like sprinting up three jagged diets, you know, cocaine, maybe an orgy here and there, you know.

[1329] But can I tell you something, no, dude?

[1330] I never drank in my life and I never touched a drug other than shrooms.

[1331] But the reason I didn't wasn't because I'm like, oh, I'm Muslim, I can't do that.

[1332] It was because I knew I would have such a hard time stopping.

[1333] It was like inside me screaming at me, like, don't even do it.

[1334] So I started that way.

[1335] I was sober in high school.

[1336] Everyone in my family is a fucking addict.

[1337] I'm like, can't mess with it.

[1338] And then I remember going to my mom, and I go, I'm going to drink.

[1339] It's just like, ooh, okay.

[1340] Here we go.

[1341] This is ill -advised.

[1342] And I go, I know, I know.

[1343] I just don't want to lie to you.

[1344] I got to find out for myself.

[1345] And then 10 years, just quick.

[1346] I thought I was in on the joke.

[1347] How quickly did it become an issue?

[1348] I drank like an alcoholic immediately in that my tolerance was immediately great.

[1349] I could be 14 beers deep and still riding a moped in my backyard with no helmet not crashing.

[1350] Wow.

[1351] Like, I'm built for it.

[1352] I really am.

[1353] Oh, it's the NBA player equivalent for drinking.

[1354] Yeah, I was never an all -star athlete.

[1355] I was like, oh, this is my sport.

[1356] Like, this feels right.

[1357] And luckily, my best friend also was a hardcore drunk and great at it.

[1358] So there was probably a six -year honeymoon, 18 to 24, 25, maybe.

[1359] Then cocaine gets in the mix.

[1360] This accelerates everything.

[1361] I think I'm in on the joke, because I'm so smart.

[1362] I would even say to people, yeah, like I'm an alcoholic, like Bukowski was.

[1363] There's a lot of success.

[1364] successful alcoholics.

[1365] I'm managing everything.

[1366] I'm going to UCLA.

[1367] I'm in the ground lanes.

[1368] I'm like, I'm doing the shit.

[1369] Yeah, great.

[1370] So I'm also an alcoholic.

[1371] I can live with your judgment of that.

[1372] Yeah.

[1373] Now I remember me in my kitchen going like, you can't stop this and you drink in the morning three days a week.

[1374] The joke is on you.

[1375] It's arrogance, I guess.

[1376] I'm so smart, quote, and smart.

[1377] I understand it so much.

[1378] I'm so in on the joke that I'm not the punchline.

[1379] Yeah.

[1380] I think you made the right call.

[1381] Although, don't regret it.

[1382] Why?

[1383] Wild decade.

[1384] Really fun.

[1385] Well, but that's the thing.

[1386] If you did shrooms, would you do Molly?

[1387] I think the way I've justified shrooms is it grows in the ground.

[1388] I put it in the nature bucket.

[1389] I know it's questionable.

[1390] Also, nothing in MDMA came from out of space.

[1391] Yeah.

[1392] Like, ultimately, everything is from this earth.

[1393] No, I know you could get into that.

[1394] And then you start eating plastic.

[1395] Our brackets break down really quick.

[1396] I know a couple guys eating plastic right now.

[1397] That's how they started.

[1398] That's how they started.

[1399] It started as a tree, turned into petroleum, became plastic.

[1400] Yeah, and these guys are just...

[1401] Circle of Life.

[1402] What year did you do groundlings?

[1403] What years?

[1404] I was in the Sunday Company for a year in either 2002 or 2003.

[1405] Let's ask you a super random question.

[1406] Do you know Aaron Cater?

[1407] Yes, I love Aaron Cater.

[1408] Isn't he amazing?

[1409] I love Aaron Cater to the point where I have not seen or heard from him in 18 years, and I still think of jokes he would say...

[1410] We were in the Sunday Company together.

[1411] And he was the first kind of openly Arab stand I had ever heard of.

[1412] And so many of his jokes were black, Arab.

[1413] He was getting into the mix.

[1414] He was talking about Palestinians.

[1415] Yes.

[1416] So I met Aaron Cater before I did stand up.

[1417] I was doing sketch comedy in New York.

[1418] Oh my gosh.

[1419] And he offhandedly says to me, well, dude, if you're ever in L .A., come on by.

[1420] Stay at my place.

[1421] And I, the 18 year old, looking for a reason to go to L .A., take him up on the offer.

[1422] Like, I call him two months later.

[1423] A cruel acceptance of a casual invitation.

[1424] Two months later, I'm like, hey, man, I used to make up reasons to be in cities.

[1425] I did this a lot when I started stand up, where I'd see someone was performing in a city and I'd look at how much the ticket was and this is lying honestly but I'd just be like hey man I'm gonna be in Dallas like do you need an opener and then they're like oh you're gonna be there I'm like yeah you don't even need to pay me I'm not making money like I don't have money and I just figure out how to get there right yeah so there was like this one shoot that I was like kind of doing this kind of thing and it was in Atlanta but then they were like we'll buy you a ticket and I'm like whoa okay a ticket's being bought for me I'll only have to buy one ticket I'll have to buy the ticket back and so I go I'll go to LA and so I tell Aaron and I'm like hey hey man, I can come to LA.

[1426] Can I come?

[1427] And this guy goes, yeah, what day?

[1428] Dude, he puts me on his couch.

[1429] I hang out there for weeks.

[1430] He takes me everywhere.

[1431] For weeks?

[1432] Two weeks, at least easy.

[1433] He takes me to Griffith Observatory.

[1434] He takes me to City Walk.

[1435] He takes me wherever.

[1436] I'm doing this animated show now, and he's doing one of the voices on it.

[1437] And he's just so funny.

[1438] This feels so serendipitous because he was ahead of a lot of this.

[1439] Like, if he was born 10 years later, he's not you per se, but he's in a world where, yes.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] In the third season, he's in one of the episodes.

[1442] He's really funny yeah he was also charismatic cocky as fuck he was awesome he's i have so many jokes he said that i can't say to you on here i'm so glad you know aaron though because he's yeah he feels very serendipitous because i was just wondering about him and like genuinely like sending beautiful thoughts into the universe wondering you know how it is you've been at this now and you started right when you're 18 you just come across so many beautiful talented people and there's so many reasons the stars don't align it's asking so much for someone to be a creative genius and then also have great work ethic.

[1443] And look.

[1444] And everyone finds it at different phases too.

[1445] My favorite stories are always people who it's like, yo, this person was doing this.

[1446] He was in Hollywood.

[1447] He was in whatever.

[1448] And then at 50.

[1449] I love that shit.

[1450] Yes.

[1451] That's the shit where I'm just like, yo.

[1452] And the other thing I've seen, because I started going to the UCB and People's Improft Theater and all that stuff in New York when I was like 16.

[1453] So at this point, oddly, I've been doing this for like 15, 16 years.

[1454] And over the years, you see something.

[1455] something that happens in stand -up especially people who honestly not that funny but they figure it out and they just know how to do their thing i don't say not that funny as a judgment they're just more heady or they're more whatever and there's people who are in their body hilarious from day one and you just like yes you're just like boom you know mo's one of those guys the guy is making you a sandwich and you're laughing point of view is the intangible quintessential ingredient And I think point of view when finally honed, it can not be flashy at first.

[1456] Yeah.

[1457] But as it gets fucking precise, that's when it can take off.

[1458] Yes.

[1459] I think it's also humility.

[1460] I think if you are around people better than you and you recognize it, it makes you want to be as good.

[1461] Recognize you're not work really hard to be competitive with them.

[1462] I was like that at UCB.

[1463] Like there was so many people that are just insanely funny.

[1464] And all I want to do is be able to play with them.

[1465] And so you push yourself.

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] On a personal front, I had figured that out at the groundlings.

[1468] My thing was like, hmm, Josh is much better at characters than I am.

[1469] So -and -so is a better writer than me. Aaron Cater is naturally this.

[1470] When I crush, why am I crushing?

[1471] I have so much fun on stage.

[1472] It's contagious.

[1473] Yes.

[1474] Oh, I know what my quote gift is.

[1475] That's my favorite.

[1476] I have fun.

[1477] When you see the puzzle pieces, it stops being competitive.

[1478] Okay, so what a world.

[1479] world win for me world winter yesterday he asked me at nine a m rami yucef i'm like i've heard of that guy apparently he's really smart that's it that's my full takeaway has a great show yeah great show i've never seen uh cut to six episodes later a two hour conversation new hero a friend in common erin cater that's impossible no no we're like what are the odds if you don't think i'm going to work hard to coordinate the us erin cater lunch you don't even i would understand you don't understand how hard i'm gonna work to do that he was like kind of a amateur foodie as i recall even back in the day before people were into food really into food and a great cook and the baker the guy bakes bread he's a jim chinia he's he's palestinian oh he's palestinian and mormit which is hilarious wow yeah it's stand up i mean he is stand up it's just amazing fred armison's one -man show on s andl called tony pomneesie half italian half jewish 100 % crazy or I totally forgot about that.

[1480] So funny.

[1481] I knew two things to be true by the time I was 11.

[1482] I was never going to be with Christy Brinkley and the Mets were never going to win the pennant.

[1483] He's crying on stage to the guys.

[1484] It's worth watching.

[1485] Anywho's, I'm all in, and we're going to exchange numbers.

[1486] Please.

[1487] Oh, my God.

[1488] Wow, we're going to exchange numbers.

[1489] It's going to be great.

[1490] You can't have Monica's number.

[1491] You know, I think we could do a group text.

[1492] It's fine.

[1493] Okay, okay.

[1494] You're married.

[1495] Everyone's married.

[1496] Everyone's married.

[1497] Rob's married.

[1498] Jesus Christ.

[1499] We didn't even get into Scott Bayo, which I had so many.

[1500] I just imagined, like, we're a ride.

[1501] Okay.

[1502] My first show of the movie out here was I did this Nick at Night sitcom with Scott Bayo.

[1503] Wait, which one?

[1504] You would have probably never seen it.

[1505] It was called C -Dad Run.

[1506] It wasn't marketed.

[1507] But I love Nick at Night, so I thought, man. Three seasons.

[1508] Three seasons, yeah.

[1509] And Rami was like Donald Glover.

[1510] He's like, I want to see.

[1511] sit in the writer's room.

[1512] I want to learn how this works.

[1513] I did.

[1514] It was a student.

[1515] It was a very creatively inspiring thing.

[1516] Seeing how they made the show and the showrunners were so gracious to me. And if I were you and I'm coming from New Jersey and I'm on the show with Scott Bayo, I'm like, this guy's been in show business for 40 years.

[1517] I need to know everything.

[1518] It wasn't just that though.

[1519] Gary Marshall would hang out there.

[1520] Oh, wow.

[1521] So I then started to go, I'd go have meetings with Gary Marshall at the Falcon Theater and just talk to him about movies.

[1522] You know, and his son, Scott Marshall is really kind to me too.

[1523] And so it felt like, and we're shooting at Paramount.

[1524] Yeah.

[1525] Oh, it's not Sunset Gower.

[1526] If you move to L .A., you work at Sunset Gower, you feel like, you know, I don't know what I'm doing, but Paramount.

[1527] When the gate goes up at Paramount, my first movie was at Paramount without a paddle, and when the gate would go up in my head out here.

[1528] You feel it.

[1529] I was a series regular at Paramount at 21, and then this is so insidery, but their security is like a swipe.

[1530] It's really easy.

[1531] It's not like Warner Brothers.

[1532] where you've got to like talk to 10 guards.

[1533] Like you can just swipe your way in and just go.

[1534] So I had a swipe that worked 24 hours.

[1535] And so I would go to Paramount sometimes at night and park my car and just walk through the New York facade.

[1536] Did you ever bring any friends?

[1537] Of course.

[1538] I'd be like, dude, let's just go to New York, walk around.

[1539] Like, let's just go.

[1540] We're in L .A., let's go to New York.

[1541] It's like having the keys to Disneyland at night.

[1542] It was magic.

[1543] And it was funny because that happened.

[1544] It was my first thing that moved me here.

[1545] We did three seasons.

[1546] It was never really marketed.

[1547] It was never really, everything I'm involved with.

[1548] It's never really marketed.

[1549] But it was never really, like, no one ever saw it, whatever, which was kind of a gift for me. No one recognized me from anything.

[1550] I had this experience.

[1551] Then it was over.

[1552] And then it was really funny, too, because I also was so bad with money.

[1553] I didn't make that much.

[1554] But then I also didn't understand taxes.

[1555] And then I really didn't make much.

[1556] And then I was just in this situation where I had this really amazing glimpse.

[1557] And then I'm driving to like La Cenaata to do stand up.

[1558] and I'm going to wherever.

[1559] That's where I really started doing that.

[1560] Like, I'm going to fly somewhere to do stand -up.

[1561] I was just so inspired by watching people make stuff and I had been part of something that's being made.

[1562] And I was like, I really want to do this from the ground up.

[1563] So it was like two, three -year glimpse at that, then five, six, seven years, and then able to kind of get into making this show.

[1564] And now Mo and a few other things.

[1565] It planted those seeds.

[1566] And Beio was very kind to me. I bet he was, and I bet you lapped it up and I would have done the same thing.

[1567] Like, I would have just been so interested in all of it.

[1568] Dude, he upped me to his.

[1569] series regular when I wasn't he yeah and he would like advocate for me I'll never forget he like really supported me and we kind of joke about politics I remember a day that he was like markedly very not happy when Romney lost you know all right today's gonna be a long one today's one of those days okay Rami I want everyone take it from me I never advise people wrong No, I do advise people wrong, but never insincere.

[1570] Everyone's got to start, Rami.

[1571] You're going to thank me. You're going to blow through it.

[1572] I'm really excited.

[1573] Yeah, I can't wait to be talking about it in the fact check.

[1574] And everyone should watch Mo, which is also fantastic on Netflix, which you co -created with Mo Amir.

[1575] Yes.

[1576] You also have a movie coming out.

[1577] Oh, right.

[1578] You're in a thing called Poor Things.

[1579] You're in like a fancy movie coming up.

[1580] Fancy movie with fancy people.

[1581] Yeah, yeah.

[1582] Yeah.

[1583] What was that?

[1584] It was super fancy?

[1585] It was amazing.

[1586] It was amazing with Jorgos Lantamos.

[1587] You know, it's like sometimes you're going to work with someone and then you look up their stuff and you become a fan.

[1588] This was like, no, no, no, I'm a pre -existing Yorgos Lantamos fan.

[1589] I don't know Jorgos.

[1590] He made the favorite.

[1591] Oh, we love the favorite.

[1592] Killing of a Sacred Deer, another really good movie of his.

[1593] He has a great film called Dogtooth.

[1594] You've got to watch.

[1595] I mean, he's a genius.

[1596] He also created a series because I was watching one.

[1597] I was like, this feels like the favorite.

[1598] And then I looked it up and he was a part of it.

[1599] No?

[1600] So the writer who wrote The Favorite and who wrote poor things, does the great.

[1601] There it is.

[1602] There it is.

[1603] Tony McNamara.

[1604] Amazing writer.

[1605] So Tony wrote this film with your ghost.

[1606] It's an adaptation of this novel.

[1607] You do not deserve to be in this.

[1608] Yeah, I don't.

[1609] But I'm going to tell you how I really don't deserve it.

[1610] It's literally me and Emma Stone, who's amazing.

[1611] And Willem Defoe and Mark Ruffalo.

[1612] So we're shooting in Budapest.

[1613] So there's a big cast, but this is like the core cast.

[1614] And they're like, all right, you're going to go to Budapest and you're just going to rehearse with the court cast for like two weeks.

[1615] So I show up.

[1616] I'm supposed to just rehearse with them and it's just me and them.

[1617] And I'm like, what the fuck is this shit?

[1618] But honestly, the second I got out of the car at the lot in Budapest, Ruffalo's car pulls up and he just comes out of the car, looks at me, gives me the biggest smile and he goes, I know you.

[1619] And just like comes over, gives me a hug and we never met before, but he's just like, I know you.

[1620] You know, and I'm like, I know you.

[1621] So listen, that's a reminder to you that's your job in life.

[1622] So I have the same experience.

[1623] which is I joined this movie, The Judge.

[1624] I arrived like, oh, man, I'm going to walk in and they're going to be like, how did the dude from punk to end up here?

[1625] I mean, I'm walking with all that baggage.

[1626] And I sit down at the table where he and Vincent Dinoffria looks at me. He goes, watch your movie hit and run in a hotel room in weirdly enough Budapest.

[1627] What a great movie.

[1628] And I was like, thank you so much for saying that.

[1629] I feel like it's not an accident.

[1630] I'm here.

[1631] And so that's your job, right?

[1632] You're the person to do it.

[1633] Yes.

[1634] God bless those people.

[1635] The Dnoffreos, the Mark Ruffalo's.

[1636] I learned so much from those guys.

[1637] So Willem did something that has changed the way I interact with people.

[1638] We're sitting eating and this couple comes up and they're so excited.

[1639] They want to take a picture with him.

[1640] They're like coming to the table to take a picture.

[1641] And we haven't been ordered yet.

[1642] And they come up and I'm like, oh, William's about to be really annoyed.

[1643] You don't understand.

[1644] They cross like 10 tables to do this.

[1645] They're like shivering a little bit.

[1646] And Willem goes, thank you so much.

[1647] Hey, where are you guys sitting?

[1648] And they're like, oh, we're over there.

[1649] And he goes, all right, I'm going to order.

[1650] and then I'm gonna come and I'm gonna take a photo with you so just give me a second so he goes over takes the picture comes back and I'm just like dude and he just goes no skin off my back it took me a second and just the way he handled the whole thing for me was like transformational just because I sometimes would feel this thing we were kind of talking about it earlier where someone would be into me or what I was doing I don't know how to handle it or something I'm a little shy and it really taught me to just not only accept it take a move towards them you know give them like like and it just inspired I mean, it's like if I'm walking and I see somebody kind of recognize, I'll say what up to them before they say it just to kind of be like, yo.

[1651] That's been a really hard process for me. I just want to say one thing that initially is triggering is like, I don't have control.

[1652] I thought that was entirely it.

[1653] And then through this year of therapy, something bizarre.

[1654] And I don't know if this will extend to you or not.

[1655] But my therapist is like, what if you allowed yourself to think you deserve that?

[1656] Yeah.

[1657] And I was like, oh, hey, I don't.

[1658] B, no one does.

[1659] The imposter syndrome, the feeling that I don't really belong here.

[1660] The voice in your head.

[1661] is actually the stumbling block from accepting the adoration from a stranger.

[1662] It's that I don't feel worthy of it.

[1663] And so it reminds me I'm a fraud.

[1664] As I've been closing that gap or maybe accepting that I do, we had a few different trips this year to Nashville where not only did it not bother me, but that.

[1665] I noticed these pilots wanted it.

[1666] We never have asked.

[1667] And I went up and say, Hey, would you guys want a pitcher?

[1668] Yeah.

[1669] And I came back and I was like, wow.

[1670] That's a pro move.

[1671] That's how I want to feel in life.

[1672] Everyone's so happy in that interaction.

[1673] Yes, but it was my, it's my insecurity.

[1674] It's like I had all these other really intellectual reasons why it made me uncomfortable, which there's some value to, but truly it was just, I didn't feel worthy of that attention.

[1675] I definitely resonate with that.

[1676] And you think if you feel worthy of it, that you'll be arrogant or a megalomaniac.

[1677] Of course.

[1678] Well, no, there's some space between megalomania and fraudulence.

[1679] That's what was so cool about Willem and watching the way he carried it because he was like, of course they recognize me I put myself in the position to be recognized I'm not gonna be I'm also one of the most recognizable human beings on planet Earth No one's famous like Willem His face is I have never seen anything like this Anywhere he goes becomes time square Of people coming to see him People don't even know where they recognize him from Because he's like William's like famous off memes Like you use Willem's face to react to something You know what I mean like that's how expressive he is But anyway, he was so clear about, of course, I put the energy out to be recognized.

[1680] I'm now being recognized.

[1681] I'm going to embrace this and join it.

[1682] It was such a lesson.

[1683] Yeah.

[1684] We went everywhere, Rami.

[1685] Okay, I love you.

[1686] Aaron Gator reunion dinner.

[1687] It's all happening.

[1688] We gotta do it.

[1689] I can't wait.

[1690] This has been so much fun.

[1691] Everyone watched Rami on Hulu.

[1692] Season 3 is out right now.

[1693] You directed seven out of the 10 episodes this year, climbing from four last year and one in the first year.

[1694] You're really doing it all.

[1695] And then, of course, people should see poor.

[1696] things which you don't deserve to be in.

[1697] Yes, you do.

[1698] I hope they edit you out.

[1699] Yeah.

[1700] How dare you?

[1701] How dacks?

[1702] And then what the whole thing about acceptance and then capping it off with you don't deserve it.

[1703] I have to be irreverent.

[1704] You'll catch me being too soft.

[1705] And then anything that Cairo Cowboy produces, which is your production company, check out.

[1706] Such a blast meeting you.

[1707] Dude, good with everything.

[1708] Thank you.

[1709] So good to meet you guys.

[1710] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monaco.

[1711] Capadman.

[1712] Why logistical challenges this week?

[1713] I know it.

[1714] I know.

[1715] Costs me a couple grand last night, the damage I did to my truck.

[1716] So my tattoo lasted, I don't know, three hours longer than I was anticipating.

[1717] Yep.

[1718] And so around nine or ten, I start thinking, like, I am so fucked.

[1719] I got to wake up to drive the kids.

[1720] I need to research.

[1721] We have two today.

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] And it's earlier than we normally start.

[1724] Yep.

[1725] So I'm starting to have some, yeah, some panic and anxiety.

[1726] And then I'm driving home and I pull in the gate and I immediately remember, oh, fuck, I told them I would move the trailer so that they can get a dump truck in the driveway.

[1727] But again, I'm already in my mind.

[1728] I'm out of time.

[1729] Yeah.

[1730] And when I pull in, I'm starting to think about that.

[1731] And then I see my truck is pulled sideways in the driveway crooked.

[1732] And I look, and Kristen's car's not there.

[1733] Oh, because we were out.

[1734] No, you were home.

[1735] And I already knew you were home.

[1736] It looked to me like, oh, my God, someone moved that truck in a hurry to steal Kristen's car.

[1737] What the fuck is going?

[1738] And so I'm already FaceTiming trying to get Kristen, and she doesn't answer.

[1739] So now I go to, there was a home invasion.

[1740] Oh, my God.

[1741] Okay, to be fair to you, this.

[1742] has happened already.

[1743] So, you know, I want to say, oh, why did your brain go there so fast, so cynical?

[1744] But also, this has happened to you.

[1745] Your car was stolen.

[1746] My car was stolen.

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] So I get it.

[1749] Also, the last movie, I watched four movies while getting this tattoo.

[1750] Oh, wow.

[1751] The last of which was no way out or no escape.

[1752] Owen Wilson, Lake Bell, Pierce Brosnan.

[1753] They're in Cambodia.

[1754] He's there to take a job with.

[1755] the water company, the whole country revolts and wants to kill everyone that's involved with the water company.

[1756] They've already murdered a bunch of the executives.

[1757] They're coming for him in the hotel.

[1758] He's with his two daughters and his wife and everyone surrounding the hotel is trying to kill them.

[1759] That was what I was watching for two hours prior to seeing my truck, scatty wampas, no Kristen's car.

[1760] And I was primed with that film I had just watched.

[1761] So you were ready.

[1762] So I ran inside.

[1763] Like I explode through the door and run upstairs.

[1764] She's in there texting Yeah, looking at her phone I go, I just FaceTime to you Oh, I didn't see it.

[1765] How?

[1766] You're looking at your phone.

[1767] Didn't see it.

[1768] Go outside.

[1769] I'm kind of angry now.

[1770] Uh -oh.

[1771] Well, that's not right.

[1772] I'm frazzled and now I got to go outside in the dark and there's no way to maneuver my trailer because there's boxes of cobble stacked everywhere I would normally point the truck to point the, oh, I see what you're doing.

[1773] I didn't know what you were doing.

[1774] First of all, you look five years old right now.

[1775] You have a fucking oversized bucket of M &Ms.

[1776] Your little feeder hanging off the couch and nowhere near the floor.

[1777] I'm wearing little sneakers.

[1778] Yeah, the whole thing.

[1779] Okay, so I go outside.

[1780] And the only way I'm going to be able to get the trailer where they want it is I'm going to have to go off the ledge of the driveway where they've been flattening out and leveling.

[1781] Yeah.

[1782] And it's a good 12 inch drop.

[1783] So when I go down and the truck goes that low and the trailer's up, the rack that holds the fuel tank just fucking destroys the bed of my pickup truck it destroys the bumper it rips off the plastic i'm not gonna bore you with the rest of it anywho by the time i crawled into bed at midnight i felt like i'd really been through a lot even though i hadn't that last little stretch yeah it's kind of a monica story right yeah no mix no your your monica stories are you've had two now okay you told one last fact check about the plane.

[1784] Okay.

[1785] Yeah, yeah.

[1786] Both are similar in that there's a lot of like...

[1787] I thought this was happening?

[1788] Yeah.

[1789] And then nothing happened.

[1790] Yeah.

[1791] Well, there was destruction of the truck by the end of the night.

[1792] Yeah, that's true.

[1793] That's better.

[1794] Yes, $2 ,000 are penalty to be paid.

[1795] You know, my stories are really hard to teach.

[1796] I don't know how to...

[1797] I don't think you even know how they work, to be honest.

[1798] I think that's part of the genius of them.

[1799] It's like, because by the way, nothing happens in yours either.

[1800] No, but...

[1801] But you always think, like, you think, you, no, like, you see a lot of Tesla's.

[1802] That's not a story.

[1803] But from you, it is.

[1804] That is a huge story.

[1805] They are, breaking news.

[1806] They're following us.

[1807] Yeah, nothing happens.

[1808] None of them run into you.

[1809] No one yells at you out of a window.

[1810] There's just Tesla's on the street.

[1811] See, that's a problem.

[1812] You think what's interesting is violence and fear and danger.

[1813] And I think what's interesting is coincidences.

[1814] Yeah, that's the highest -stakes story for you is coincidence.

[1815] So yesterday I went to a...

[1816] Oh, do you have a Monica story?

[1817] Well, no, I'm just going to talk about my life.

[1818] Yesterday I went to a women in entertainment gathering.

[1819] I heard it was so much fun.

[1820] Yes, it was a Spotify event at Spago, never been.

[1821] L .A.'s classic, staple.

[1822] Yeah.

[1823] Institution.

[1824] Institution, that's right.

[1825] Kristen was also invited.

[1826] So we went, we both got plus ones.

[1827] So Anna came with Kristen and Erica came with me. Power troop.

[1828] It was really fun.

[1829] And really it was just an excuse for us to just have a girl's night out.

[1830] Yeah.

[1831] And we met some very interesting people.

[1832] Women's.

[1833] Some women's.

[1834] And I'm going to another Spotify event tonight.

[1835] What's the theme of tonight?

[1836] Tonight, this is a Grammy party.

[1837] Oh, my God.

[1838] Yeah, this is the Spotify's best new artist party.

[1839] It's apparently their biggest and best party of the year.

[1840] I read that.

[1841] I don't know how many parties they have, but I think they have about 20 this week.

[1842] Well, yeah.

[1843] Because we're going to another one on Saturday.

[1844] That's right.

[1845] Me and you are going to one on Saturday.

[1846] And I'm wearing different outfits for each one.

[1847] Yeah, you're like on a press tour.

[1848] You've got to have like 10 looks for the week.

[1849] Exactly.

[1850] Yeah.

[1851] Well, and so Jordan texted like an hour ago and he was like, do you want to walk the carpet?

[1852] And I was like, oh, I should.

[1853] You got to walk that carpet.

[1854] Yeah, I was like, I should.

[1855] But then I was like, oh, fuck.

[1856] Now I have to figure out hair and makeup of some sort.

[1857] So Matt is going to come do my hair.

[1858] Oh, lovely.

[1859] But I couldn't figure out makeup, so I'll have to do my own, which was.

[1860] that.

[1861] I do think of the two, I'm definitely better at makeup.

[1862] Right.

[1863] So yesterday, I wore a vintage Valentino.

[1864] Is that what that was?

[1865] That was old.

[1866] It looked so new.

[1867] Well, it was new to me, but it was vintage.

[1868] Meaning it's 20 -some years old.

[1869] Right.

[1870] Wow.

[1871] So cool.

[1872] Vintage couture.

[1873] Yeah.

[1874] It was very beautiful.

[1875] Thank you.

[1876] I loved it.

[1877] I was really excited to get to wear it.

[1878] Cool plaid.

[1879] The green and blue plaid.

[1880] Yeah.

[1881] I like that plaid combo.

[1882] Yeah.

[1883] And tonight, I don't know what I'm going to wear yet.

[1884] I just know what shoes I'm going to wear.

[1885] Hot pink mini and a halter time?

[1886] Well, best new artist.

[1887] Yeah, I know.

[1888] That would be more on.

[1889] I am trying to theme it a little bit.

[1890] Oh, God.

[1891] I'm nervous about our advertisers down.

[1892] You're wearing like a fucking business suit.

[1893] Well, probably, yeah.

[1894] Business suits are cute.

[1895] Yeah, but tonight I'm going to get really funky.

[1896] You're going to be wearing a belt.

[1897] Thank you.

[1898] No, I know.

[1899] I'm going to wear some prodishes.

[1900] Well, you should try out your new look.

[1901] Just going panty hose.

[1902] Remember you said that was the new look?

[1903] Yeah, just going on some panty hose.

[1904] No, you were panty hose over like kind of big underwear.

[1905] Big girl underwear?

[1906] Actually.

[1907] Oh, my God.

[1908] You can try it?

[1909] Oh, my God.

[1910] You have a gleam in your, gleam in your eye.

[1911] Like, you're really going to try it.

[1912] I'm not going to.

[1913] I'm not going to.

[1914] You scared me too much.

[1915] But if this would be the place to try it.

[1916] You know what?

[1917] I'd wear a sweater.

[1918] Oh.

[1919] If I were going to do it.

[1920] Yeah.

[1921] I'd wear a, like, kind of thick sweater.

[1922] It's supposed to be mixed messies.

[1923] Well, sure.

[1924] It's like she forgot her pants, but boy, she has a thick sweater on it.

[1925] Yeah.

[1926] Conservative and then.

[1927] Hory.

[1928] That's right.

[1929] So I don't think I'm going to do that, but I am going to wear some new shoes that I've been wanting to wear for a bit.

[1930] Great.

[1931] So anyway, Prada heels.

[1932] Oh, Prada heels.

[1933] Oh, maybe I show my suspenders.

[1934] I don't know what I'm going to wear.

[1935] Wow.

[1936] Yeah.

[1937] It must be stressing you out that you're sitting here.

[1938] It is.

[1939] You should be at home planning your outfit.

[1940] I kind of detected that like 5 % when we started.

[1941] Really?

[1942] Yeah.

[1943] No, I have time.

[1944] I can tell you wanted to be getting your ducks in a row back at the apartment.

[1945] I have plenty of time.

[1946] Okay.

[1947] I can always say I don't want to do the carpet when I get there.

[1948] Like, I can freak out.

[1949] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1950] Pull the plug on that.

[1951] Yeah.

[1952] But I feel like I should.

[1953] Yeah.

[1954] Of course.

[1955] Especially because I'm fashion now and I need more pictures of me being fashion.

[1956] To accelerate my fashion.

[1957] status.

[1958] Uh -huh.

[1959] You know, someone brought up Anna Wintour earlier, someone we interviewed.

[1960] Yeah.

[1961] Woo!

[1962] I could get like a PQ when I hear her name.

[1963] Really?

[1964] Yeah.

[1965] Just because of everything she means.

[1966] I get it, yeah.

[1967] I mean, I don't get it, but I understand.

[1968] It's like when you hear Toto.

[1969] Yeah, or think of Tom Brady.

[1970] Right.

[1971] There's something that...

[1972] No, but I like Toto as the, as the analogy, because it's not...

[1973] I mean, she is obviously insanely fashionable, but it's not...

[1974] It's not her, it's her legendary chess movements.

[1975] She's done, like she runs the industry.

[1976] It's not like she's Kendall Jenner.

[1977] Are you saying that Tom Brady doesn't run the offense?

[1978] No. Tom Brady is equivalent to Kendall Jenner fashion.

[1979] Okay.

[1980] You look at that, I mean, one of many, but you look at them, it's different.

[1981] Okay.

[1982] It's to -do.

[1983] She's setting fashion.

[1984] She's deciding.

[1985] Exactly.

[1986] Yes, yes.

[1987] She's at the helm.

[1988] Yeah.

[1989] Like Toto.

[1990] Yeah.

[1991] I don't get the Toto reference, but I'm going to roll with it.

[1992] The band or the.

[1993] No, no, Toto from Mercedes.

[1994] Oh my God.

[1995] I thought the band.

[1996] Can you understand how I did not understand why?

[1997] Now, but now do you see how good?

[1998] Because I love Blessed Raines in Africa and Rosanna.

[1999] Okay.

[2000] I'm like, yeah, that feels good.

[2001] Oh.

[2002] But Anna Wintour, I don't see the parallel.

[2003] But now.

[2004] But Toto Volf.

[2005] Yes.

[2006] Total Volf is like...

[2007] And a Wintour.

[2008] He's the most masculine man on the planet.

[2009] Can you give me my validation?

[2010] Yeah, absolutely.

[2011] That was a great analogy.

[2012] Thank you.

[2013] When it was clear that it wasn't the band, which made zero sense.

[2014] Or, I mean, once you said no, it wasn't Toto, I'm like the toilet seat.

[2015] Oh, shit.

[2016] Also a great brand.

[2017] Well, yeah.

[2018] I like Rondel more, but they are nice.

[2019] I like Toto.

[2020] When we were in Hawaii, they added Toto, and I loved it.

[2021] I want one.

[2022] I like the Rondel more.

[2023] I'll try both.

[2024] Okay, well, you've tried both.

[2025] I like Toto.

[2026] I like Toto more, too.

[2027] You do, okay.

[2028] Two Toto's and one brondola?

[2029] Yeah, I have a Toto.

[2030] Does it warm up?

[2031] Have you ever ridden the brondel?

[2032] I don't think I have.

[2033] Okay, then you're not qualified.

[2034] Your old house, yeah.

[2035] Yeah, the old house had it.

[2036] You wrote it hard.

[2037] You did all the treatments?

[2038] I have, yeah.

[2039] Okay.

[2040] I've used the bidet on it.

[2041] Yeah.

[2042] I didn't, to be fair, I didn't actually use a bidet on the Toto.

[2043] I just really liked everything.

[2044] You didn't?

[2045] No, I used the sea warmer, and I put it.

[2046] You did you shit you didn't clean your asshole?

[2047] I don't.

[2048] Oh, I shower.

[2049] Oh my God, Monica.

[2050] You're an animal.

[2051] Oh, my God.

[2052] You just dumped and then didn't use what?

[2053] It was right there.

[2054] You get a button that says rear for your rear hole.

[2055] You're so elitist.

[2056] You hit the button and then you're getting sprayed with warm water.

[2057] I know.

[2058] It's getting rid of all the de bris.

[2059] Sometimes I get grossed out by it.

[2060] Like it's old poopy water that's coming back into my butt hole.

[2061] Like that's kind of what I feel.

[2062] clean mountain spring water.

[2063] I don't think so.

[2064] I cannot believe you're not hosing down your anus when you have the option.

[2065] Hooked up to water lines.

[2066] You can't keep believing what you want to believe.

[2067] They're not pointed from the toilet bowl.

[2068] You want to, you know what?

[2069] Yes, it's a cycle.

[2070] No, no, it's not.

[2071] It's not a pond.

[2072] Anywho.

[2073] I am, my mind is blown right now.

[2074] Why?

[2075] I am shocked.

[2076] I shower.

[2077] So it's more.

[2078] There's soap in there.

[2079] You took a shower after every dump you took in Hawaii.

[2080] No, you didn't.

[2081] Probably not.

[2082] No, I know you didn't.

[2083] Well, no, you don't.

[2084] I do, because I know that you said you hadn't showered in a couple days.

[2085] Not true.

[2086] Oh.

[2087] Wash my hair.

[2088] I didn't wash my hair, but I showered every day.

[2089] Okay.

[2090] I showered every day.

[2091] The first day there?

[2092] I showered as soon as I landed.

[2093] Oh, my God.

[2094] Remember, I already told you this.

[2095] Because you did at the airport?

[2096] Huh?

[2097] At the airport?

[2098] in Hawaii you guys I hate you guys I landed I got to the hotel and then first order of business first order business but I showered I told you I've been doing that now because I feel gross on airplanes right then I pooped some other time and then showered after that right I'm not doing this okay I'm very clean I'm done I'm done you know what I use your stupid hello bellow white You brought them with you on the trip?

[2099] I normally do.

[2100] I didn't know why.

[2101] So you were pretty dirty down there in Hawaii, it sounds like.

[2102] I'm cutting all of this.

[2103] I got to go get ready for my fancy event, okay?

[2104] All right, all right, all right.

[2105] So you're just in it for the seat warmer.

[2106] You know what's embarrassing.

[2107] Tell me. So I'm bringing Anna with me to this party.

[2108] Anna.

[2109] Not one tour.

[2110] Well, that's Anna.

[2111] You're just talking about.

[2112] Anna Wintour.

[2113] Anna, our friend Anna, she's the youngest, hippest friend we have.

[2114] Yep.

[2115] And she's not Gen Z, but I say she's Gen Z. So I'm bringing her because she's hip.

[2116] And when I looked at the list of new artists, I was like, I don't know any of he's faithful.

[2117] I've never, I've only heard of one.

[2118] Which one?

[2119] Wet Leg.

[2120] They need a brondel.

[2121] One of them's on the show Mo. Oh, cool.

[2122] I love Mo. Oh, that's cool.

[2123] I love that guy.

[2124] Ding, ding, ding.

[2125] What?

[2126] This is Romys.

[2127] Oh, it is?

[2128] Yeah.

[2129] That's a crazy ding, ding, ding.

[2130] Oh, my God, I knew we'd get there.

[2131] Promi.

[2132] And there's a 12 -year -old saxophone prodigy from France.

[2133] Oh, cool.

[2134] Yeah, let a rip.

[2135] I hope he plays.

[2136] Will you hit on him?

[2137] Dax.

[2138] All right.

[2139] Now, ding, ding, ding, young people.

[2140] Yeah.

[2141] Jenna Ortega.

[2142] We love her.

[2143] We brought up Wednesday on this.

[2144] I mean, I've been talking about Wednesday for a long time, but it comes up.

[2145] And I was looking up some numbers.

[2146] Oh.

[2147] It was the most watched show in a week with 341 million hours surpassed Stranger Things previously held record.

[2148] Really?

[2149] I don't doubt that.

[2150] So we picked up for a season two.

[2151] Oh, wonderful.

[2152] I want them to order seven seasons.

[2153] Me too.

[2154] But then you get into her old.

[2155] Mm -hmm.

[2156] Have we talked about this?

[2157] The parallels between that show and Veronica Mars are insane.

[2158] The characters on the surface are so different.

[2159] They're not.

[2160] They're both like sarcastic, irreverent, outcasts.

[2161] They're not so different on the surface.

[2162] What do you mean?

[2163] They're the same.

[2164] Well, Wednesday's so extreme.

[2165] She's a monster.

[2166] I don't know what she is.

[2167] I don't know what she is.

[2168] That's the whole point.

[2169] But she has visions and superpowers and all this stuff.

[2170] That's the one part I want to ask her what she is.

[2171] What are you?

[2172] No, but Ron is.

[2173] Weasley?

[2174] Mars.

[2175] Oh, okay.

[2176] Is like that.

[2177] She, just because she doesn't have black hair.

[2178] everything else is exactly the same like she's sarcastic she's like moody yeah yeah it's a great character type I love it I love it do you can you hear yep yeah so what is it a playday there's a disco party going on in my backyard with four little kids oh yeah it's a after school play date that's the first time you've referred to playdates as cute that's a big step forward they're really cute if I'm this far removed from them and I can just gently hear them if If I'm in the house and I hear slamming doors and running and screaming, they're not as cute.

[2179] Should we talk about something serious?

[2180] Okay.

[2181] This reminds me. Yeah.

[2182] Not serious.

[2183] We won't give details.

[2184] Okay.

[2185] Last time we recorded Tuesday, we were wrapping up and you looked out the window.

[2186] There was a car in the driveway.

[2187] And you were like, what the hell?

[2188] As you do, you're skeptical.

[2189] Yeah.

[2190] I'm on high alert at all time.

[2191] Who's entering?

[2192] He's leaving.

[2193] We were like, what is this?

[2194] We look out.

[2195] There's two women.

[2196] Older women.

[2197] Older women.

[2198] It turns out 79 and 81 or something.

[2199] Chatting with Kristen.

[2200] Mm -hmm.

[2201] Hugging Kristen.

[2202] By the time we get out there.

[2203] Kristen's arm is around her.

[2204] She's supporting one of them who also has a cane.

[2205] Yeah, but it didn't look like camaraderie.

[2206] It looked like her grandmother was visiting and they were like reconnecting in the backyard.

[2207] Yeah.

[2208] I was like, oh, it must be Kristen's friends.

[2209] Yeah.

[2210] We go out there.

[2211] Kristen introduces us and it's two women and they say that the main person, the main woman said that she used to live here.

[2212] Yep.

[2213] Okay.

[2214] Yeah.

[2215] And then she proceeded to tell a lot of fantastical.

[2216] Yeah, maybe real, but really insane stories.

[2217] Yes.

[2218] About apparently her mother did the hair for all the Motown stars.

[2219] Yeah.

[2220] And her father was an OB who delivered most of the children of the Motown stars.

[2221] No, her husband.

[2222] Her husband.

[2223] And she did.

[2224] The woman that was over.

[2225] Oh, she did the hair.

[2226] Yes.

[2227] It's not like she was the kid in this story.

[2228] did the hair.

[2229] Okay, and her husband was a gyno.

[2230] Yep, the gyno.

[2231] Who had delivered every single person's.

[2232] And then, you know, Muhammad Ali had been in the pool.

[2233] Michael Jackson wrote a song.

[2234] In Lincoln's room.

[2235] I mean, yeah, a lot of extreme claims.

[2236] Big claims.

[2237] That could be true.

[2238] We're in Los Angeles.

[2239] She really knew, A, she knew the house inside now.

[2240] Yeah.

[2241] She clearly did live here.

[2242] And then she knew the neighborhood inside now.

[2243] She knew, like, all the historical things.

[2244] Well, she said stuff.

[2245] Yeah, she said a lot of stuff.

[2246] Yeah.

[2247] Uh -huh.

[2248] And also Stevie Wonder was always over, too.

[2249] Yeah.

[2250] Working with some writer he worked with, and then he came a lot.

[2251] So Lincoln was really excited.

[2252] Yeah, really excited.

[2253] She found out that a Michael Jackson song had been written in her bedroom.

[2254] Yes.

[2255] But I just think this is a good moment to share a parenting thing that happened.

[2256] Oh, okay.

[2257] Right?

[2258] Because I think a lot of people would do what you did.

[2259] What I did?

[2260] Yeah.

[2261] And I was on your page.

[2262] Me and you were like, this is not.

[2263] I'm true.

[2264] Right.

[2265] Okay, so we come in.

[2266] Yeah, we're skeptical, but Lincoln's like, oh, God, she's so happy.

[2267] And Michael Jackson, and Michael Jackson, just to be honest, is like, I don't want her going to school and saying Michael Jackson wrote a song in her bedroom.

[2268] I was nervous that she would go repeat all this stuff.

[2269] And Lincoln's a liar.

[2270] Yes, Lincoln's a liar.

[2271] And in fact, maybe some of the stuff was lies.

[2272] Who knows?

[2273] I don't know.

[2274] I wasn't there.

[2275] Yeah.

[2276] So she says, oh, my God, Michael Jackson wrote a song in my bedroom.

[2277] And I said, yeah, maybe.

[2278] That's what I said, maybe.

[2279] Yeah.

[2280] And her face fell.

[2281] I thought I was being soft about it.

[2282] Yeah, I mean, to be honest, I actually think you were.

[2283] Yeah.

[2284] What I wanted to say is, like, hon, I doubt that.

[2285] Yeah.

[2286] But this is fun.

[2287] Let's take it for what it is.

[2288] You know, I wanted to like enjoy this moment.

[2289] What's fun is that this woman who grew up, lived here is here.

[2290] And she's having a great time.

[2291] Telling stories.

[2292] Telling really interesting stories, whether they're true or not.

[2293] Yeah.

[2294] And I said, yeah, maybe.

[2295] And then she got completely.

[2296] Crest fallen.

[2297] She walked away quietly.

[2298] I said, oh, hold on, baby.

[2299] I didn't mean to rain on your parade.

[2300] She didn't want to talk.

[2301] She laughed.

[2302] I felt miserable.

[2303] Yeah.

[2304] I mean, I hate that.

[2305] I hate that.

[2306] But it's a tricky situation.

[2307] That's what I wanted to talk about this.

[2308] This is tricky.

[2309] It is.

[2310] It circles back to the conversation we had about White Lotus and whether you loan the money to the kid knowing he's getting scammed.

[2311] And I'm so against that.

[2312] Yeah.

[2313] So she was very upset.

[2314] And then so when she came back, I, you know, I said sorry, but she wasn't really having that.

[2315] And then, by the way, I know what it was.

[2316] This is why it broke my heart.

[2317] She wasn't mad at me. I think she was embarrassed, that she believed it.

[2318] And I do not, that is not a sensation I want to give her.

[2319] I know.

[2320] That you are a fool.

[2321] They are a fool for believing this.

[2322] Yes.

[2323] Yeah.

[2324] Beautiful story.

[2325] Yeah, so I did, I sat on the couch.

[2326] I said, can I just look at you for one second?

[2327] I am so sorry that Irene on your parade.

[2328] I didn't need to do that.

[2329] And I promise I'm not, that's not what I'm going to do in the future.

[2330] I regret doing that.

[2331] And then she forgave me. And then it became really salient that she was just embarrassed.

[2332] Yeah.

[2333] So I think just everything kind of dissipated and it was fine after that.

[2334] This is so hard.

[2335] think, I mean, I think you handled it perfectly, but also, man, the alternative is just let someone believe every single thing that gets said to them.

[2336] I mean, on this scale, you know, you are on one end.

[2337] And I don't think I'm on that end.

[2338] But you're in the middle, always, I think, of person and I on this, whatever spectrum this is of trust.

[2339] I'm on the middle, but in this case the middle leans towards no right so yeah or at least towards we just don't know we won't it's a big claim i don't know why michael jackson's writing songs anywhere but his studio or his own house i don't know he's at i don't even know why he was ever here but here's what i think is that so my fear yes of her believing everything uh maybe repeating it maybe embarrassing herself maybe being called a liar or all those things i could have addressed it much better I could have had the conversation with Kristen out loud so that it was Kristen who was, in theory, on trial of whether it was believable or not.

[2340] I could have taken her out of it, still expressed how I feel about it in front of her without it being personal to her that she got duped or triggering any feelings of embarrassment.

[2341] So that's what I would do differently.

[2342] I'm not going to not say my opinions in life, but there's a way I can do it that's better.

[2343] than what I did.

[2344] That's, yeah, that's interesting.

[2345] Also, I could let the fun dissipate.

[2346] I didn't need to do it at the apex of the fun of finding out Michael Jackson wrote a song in your bedroom.

[2347] There would have been another time where no one was riding high on the thing.

[2348] It was, you know, I could pick a better moment and I could pick a better recipient for it.

[2349] Yes, but the problem is you were in the middle of yourself feeling like, there's a crazy.

[2350] There's like someone here and they're, saying all this stuff.

[2351] So for you, that was, I think, good.

[2352] I felt like it was as good as I could do.

[2353] It was kind of the best you could do in that circumstance, I think, given your history.

[2354] And because really, I am, I do want to give you a compliment.

[2355] You could have read that as this person is coming to my house and is lying.

[2356] To my family.

[2357] And now they got everyone excited here.

[2358] And now I have to deal with this.

[2359] So you could have really gotten angry and you didn't yeah so that's good i was really nice to them yeah you and i stopped we were both going inside we stopped for like 10 seconds and we just kept it less time than me but i had to pee i know you have an excuse i here was my thing is i was really nice i was polite i could see she was really enjoying being at her old house in filling christmas so i don't want to rain on that at all same yeah guys go crazy talk about this for two hours but then she wanted to go back back and start retelling everything she told Kristen.

[2360] And then I was like, well, no, I don't want to hear a half hour of stories.

[2361] I'm sure Kristen will report them to me and Lincoln's already reporting them to me. So I'm going to be good on.

[2362] I'm not nice enough for that.

[2363] Yeah.

[2364] Yeah.

[2365] But you know what's really interesting?

[2366] But Kristen enjoys it.

[2367] That's the difference.

[2368] Like it's not, she doesn't not enjoy that experience.

[2369] She loved it.

[2370] Well, let's just put it this way.

[2371] She had not gone into the house.

[2372] First, she said, oh, that used to be a patio, which is true.

[2373] Our bedroom currently used to be a huge second -story patio.

[2374] Yeah.

[2375] She knows that.

[2376] She's like, oh, in the basement, blah, blah, blah.

[2377] No, no house is an L. I have.

[2378] It's very rare that we have a basement.

[2379] So she knows we have a basement.

[2380] Like, she definitely knows this house.

[2381] There's no question.

[2382] That part's true.

[2383] I'm inclined to believe she lived here and she was a hairstylist.

[2384] And I bet some people did stop by.

[2385] You know, whether a thriller was written upstairs, I find a little crazy.

[2386] I mean, yeah, I guess that's also a difference between me and you.

[2387] I feel like it's all or nothing in some ways.

[2388] Oh, really?

[2389] Either that's sort of a crazy person.

[2390] Okay.

[2391] Or that person is telling the truth.

[2392] Oh, see, I'm in the middle because I think over time stories evolved.

[2393] So I think like, you know, first it was like Stevie Wonder came over one time.

[2394] People liked that.

[2395] But then as she was telling him, it was like Stevie Runder brought, you know, now he brought his, yeah, you just swing by with his girlfriend.

[2396] You know, like you just start adding.

[2397] And I don't think people, I don't even know that they're malicious.

[2398] I just, I don't think they know anymore.

[2399] That is true.

[2400] Because this is, she's talking about some 25 years ago, 30 years ago.

[2401] Well, longer than that.

[2402] Yeah.

[2403] And she's told these stories for 40 years.

[2404] They've been punched up along the way.

[2405] I don't know that she knows what happened at this house.

[2406] So, yeah.

[2407] I think there could definitely be a middle ground of what she thinks.

[2408] Yeah.

[2409] Anyway, so that was interesting.

[2410] It really was.

[2411] Okay.

[2412] It'd be great if it was all true.

[2413] It would be.

[2414] It would be great.

[2415] And it might be.

[2416] This goes back to that thing, though, when people are pumped about their ancestors having accomplished something.

[2417] Like, some people would be really, they'd take on some pride that in their home on Michael Jackson.

[2418] So I wouldn't be able to internalize any of that.

[2419] I wouldn't really care.

[2420] What?

[2421] I mean, it's not.

[2422] I wouldn't be like, if people came over and be like, Thriller was written upstairs.

[2423] Like, I would never do that.

[2424] I wouldn't coast on the coolness.

[2425] But it's not, it's not that it transfers over to you, but it's like, can you believe that how crazy that is?

[2426] You ended up in this.

[2427] happened.

[2428] Yes.

[2429] You ended up in the same place as that.

[2430] Well, that is what's cool about any place with history.

[2431] Like where I grew up and where you grew up, every house you lived in was either you were the first person to live on.

[2432] Yeah, everything was like subdivisions and there's no history.

[2433] But yeah, the houses around here, it's like, oh, whole generations of people.

[2434] Well, the old house.

[2435] Do you remember fucking me finding about the old house, Carly's house?

[2436] Barely.

[2437] We kept getting mail.

[2438] And finally, I just was like, I got to alert this person that all their mail is coming.

[2439] And I did a Google search and they were.

[2440] worked at the Department of Water and Power.

[2441] And I called the fucking number and got the person whose mail was coming.

[2442] It turned out she'd grown up in the house that I lived in for 16 years.

[2443] She's telling me all these fun things.

[2444] Oh, when you walk in there, used to be this big fountain thing there and this.

[2445] I'm enjoying all this.

[2446] And then there was bars over the window of one house, one room in the house, which I thought was so weird.

[2447] And I think I might have said, like, why was there just bars on one?

[2448] Oh, yeah, well, you know, that we had a break in.

[2449] And that's what killed my father.

[2450] And then she kept moving on.

[2451] Right.

[2452] And I'm like, it killed your father in that.

[2453] He was murdered in the room or the event was so traumatizing?

[2454] He started drinking too much and not like what do we mean by that event killed him?

[2455] Like, was he murdered in the house?

[2456] I'm inclined to think, yeah, I think there was a murder.

[2457] Wait, but did she not say?

[2458] I didn't ask was he murdered.

[2459] She just blew by.

[2460] That's what killed him.

[2461] They have to declare it.

[2462] You can find out.

[2463] I know.

[2464] You say this every time I say.

[2465] that it's law you so you can find out they don't have to disclose it exactly it's not on the redfin listing it has to be on the record but they don't have to tell you but if you look into it that i believe but what's interesting is and i actually think you might have to disclose it if you're the seller of the person when there was a murder in the house but there was someone in between her in in peter yong or whoever on the house for three years so i don't know that the responsibility keeps transferring but it's i think it might be on record.

[2466] I don't know if I'd have to say.

[2467] I think there was a murder.

[2468] You don't.

[2469] It's just on record somewhere.

[2470] Marders.

[2471] Well, death.

[2472] What if there's a website, like how you find out if someone's been murdered in your house?

[2473] Maybe there's been a bunch of letters.

[2474] There's a website called diedinhouse .com.

[2475] That seems like bad luck, Rob.

[2476] Don't look into that.

[2477] Type in my old ad.

[2478] No, don't.

[2479] Oh, I need to pay for something.

[2480] Oh.

[2481] Yeah, it's not worth it.

[2482] Okay.

[2483] So you said, although she'd be tiny, she be mighty is a Shakespearean quote I think what you meant is though she be but little she is fierce okay where's that from Shakespeare oh great yeah that's what I was thinking of yeah yeah isn't that a great oh it is Shakespeare that's crazy you knew that you've not heard that no I had but I didn't think I thought it was T .J. Max oh okay no it was Tj.

[2484] Shakespeare it was Bob Bill those she be but little she is fierce Yeah, that's what you and Kristen should both have tattooed on your foreheads.

[2485] We don't need it tattooed.

[2486] We just can't be it.

[2487] Yeah, that's true.

[2488] But as a warning, I think, would be helpful to the rest of us.

[2489] Delta Sh needs it too.

[2490] Yeah, sure does.

[2491] Wow.

[2492] Now I'm really interested in finding some tangerine sour altoids after he said that.

[2493] Right, that got your motor running.

[2494] Yep.

[2495] Because you couldn't get it.

[2496] But I'm going to get it somehow.

[2497] Just putting that out.

[2498] there.

[2499] Okay.

[2500] I just want to do a little clarification teeny.

[2501] I don't want to get too into it because I don't want to fight and also I have to go to my fancy party.

[2502] Right.

[2503] But was Obama against gay marriage until Biden said he liked Will and Grace?

[2504] That's a strong statement.

[2505] Okay.

[2506] He, Biden did say he liked Will and Grace.

[2507] He said it on Meet the Press.

[2508] So then the thought was that Obama was mad.

[2509] The like thinking around it.

[2510] Obviously, he's never said like, yeah, that made me mad.

[2511] Yeah, yeah.

[2512] The thinking is, oh, no. It just forced the issue.

[2513] He's now beat me to this liberal punch.

[2514] Right.

[2515] So that's the thinking around that.

[2516] Okay.

[2517] They're like he got ahead of him on same -sex marriage.

[2518] Yeah.

[2519] But it's entirely well documented that he was against gay marriage, unfortunately, for a period.

[2520] Yeah, yeah.

[2521] And so it was soon after that that he said he supported it.

[2522] Like within hours?

[2523] No, but.

[2524] But I think like days.

[2525] Okay.

[2526] Well, that sounds kind of connected.

[2527] Well, I think he was like, well, now it's out there that we are doing stuff and moving forward.

[2528] So like I guess I got to say something.

[2529] Right.

[2530] Anyway.

[2531] Okay.

[2532] I was looking up deaths, dog deaths.

[2533] Because you were saying in Russia, remember, there was a lot of hypocrisy.

[2534] Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[2535] They had been rounding up and killing stray dogs in Sochi.

[2536] Yeah.

[2537] It says about 950 cats and dogs are euthanized daily across the country because of the lack of space.

[2538] So 1 ,000 a day.

[2539] This is according to daily pause .com.

[2540] It's not an org.

[2541] It's too cute of a name to really be trusted.

[2542] Okay.

[2543] Also, according to the zebra, an estimated 78 million dogs are owned as pets.

[2544] Every year, 3 .3 million dogs enter shelters in 600.

[2545] 170 ,000 are euthanized.

[2546] Yeah, so 2 ,000 a day.

[2547] It's a lot.

[2548] Yeah, so I don't know how many they were killing in Sochi, but I doubt it topped 2 ,000 a day.

[2549] Well, pause is saying 950 a day.

[2550] Right, but if you divide 365 by 670.

[2551] I know.

[2552] So we have two numbers we're working with the zebra, the zebra versus daily pause.

[2553] Okay.

[2554] Still, what we could agree on is that in a two -week period in the U .S. were killing minimally 14 ,000 dogs and maximally 28 ,000.

[2555] And I can't imagine the Russians killed more than 20 ,000.

[2556] Wait, I found a better stat.

[2557] Okay.

[2558] Well, not better, but it is a dot org, ASPCA.

[2559] Yeah, that's what we need.

[2560] Each year, approximately 920 ,000 animals are euthanized, 390 ,000 dogs and 530 ,000 cats each year.

[2561] So a million animals a year.

[2562] Again, I just, I just can't imagine Sochi topped at that.

[2563] I didn't look.

[2564] Do you want to see how many dogs were killed in Sochi?

[2565] But, yeah.

[2566] I don't think so.

[2567] Although they do have a lot of stray animals.

[2568] I think even if they were shooting them all day long, they'd be hard pressed to get above $5 ,000 a day.

[2569] Yeah, I don't know.

[2570] Five to $7 ,000.

[2571] A day.

[2572] I don't know if that's a day.

[2573] For the Olympics.

[2574] For the current roundup began.

[2575] Is it on daily pause?

[2576] Busfeed News .com.

[2577] I mean, yes, it's 5 ,000 of 7 ,000 ahead of the Olympics.

[2578] That's a couple days of...

[2579] Yeah, of us.

[2580] Yeah.

[2581] Okay, I'm going to play just a second of something.

[2582] Holiday season means theater season.

[2583] And Hugh Jackman is back on Broadway, but it's completely sold out.

[2584] So why not head off off Broadway and check out a different kind of one -man show?

[2585] Tommy Palm Easy and half Jewish, half Italian, completely neurotic.

[2586] Oh, that's good.

[2587] Hey, God.

[2588] It's me. Little Tommy Palmizzi from 81st Street.

[2589] If I'm half Jewish and half Catholic, where do I go when I die?

[2590] By the time I was 15, I knew three things to be true.

[2591] Number one, Christy Brinkley was never going to go out with me. Tommy Palmezi tells his life story through characters in a show that can only be described as four hours.

[2592] Here we go.

[2593] Oh, I ain't bad.

[2594] You got the chicken pox?

[2595] Oh, Tommy.

[2596] I'm gonna die Well, why?

[2597] Is it because I was bad?

[2598] Is it because I was bad?

[2599] Is it because I was a bad boy?

[2600] Is it because I was bad, grandma?

[2601] Before the show started, Tommy was pretending to be a janitor like he wasn't about to be in the play.

[2602] You could tell he was the actor.

[2603] There was just too much business.

[2604] magazine and geoffrey kellogg of the new york times says tommy spends most of the play trying to get a video to work what you would have seen you know i'm gonna try it's just a man and a state and a bathroom that's located behind the stage every building above 95th street level that's so easy yeah it's a big time Tommy Palmizzi has a critic raving, the whole thing just tells me now from beginning to end.

[2605] How about this?

[2606] You think I'm losing my mind now?

[2607] Audiences cannot get enough.

[2608] Excuse me, the show's not over yet.

[2609] Hi, I have to go.

[2610] I got an emergency text, but I have to leave.

[2611] Oh, can I see the text?

[2612] No. I see the text.

[2613] So forget Hugh Jackman.

[2614] Come see Tommy Palmezi in half Jewish, half Italian, completely neurotic.

[2615] Is that it?

[2616] Do you see a moving image?

[2617] God, that's in my top 10 of all time.

[2618] Oh, it's so good.

[2619] Highly recommend watching that.

[2620] Yeah, visually.

[2621] Because you need to see the visuals.

[2622] But, yeah.

[2623] Was that everything?

[2624] Yeah, I mean, we love Rami.

[2625] Oh, my God, I love them too.

[2626] So thoughtful and interesting and smart.

[2627] The show's so fucking good.

[2628] Like, I'm not happy to leave Hawaii.

[2629] I want to stay in Hawaii.

[2630] Yeah.

[2631] But I was like, oh, but I can watch Rami.

[2632] Oh, you couldn't watch that on your laptop.

[2633] They don't have Hulu and Hawaii, right?

[2634] No, they do.

[2635] It's U .S. But aside from that, I had my hands full with sleeping the same bed with, you know, Delta.

[2636] Speaking of that, Hawaii is very confusing in that way.

[2637] It is.

[2638] It feels like another country.

[2639] They give you a weird slip when you're on the plane, making you believe you're in another country.

[2640] You have to send it through that machine on your way.

[2641] in.

[2642] It is also preposterous.

[2643] It's part of the U .S. I mean, you're on a tropical island in the South Pacific.

[2644] You know that this is a stretch.

[2645] Six hours into the ocean.

[2646] And David texted me before we left.

[2647] And I was saying, you know, going, my flight's at six or whatever for Hawaii.

[2648] And he was like, ooh, international traveler.

[2649] And I was like, well, no, because Hawaii is part of the United States.

[2650] Yeah.

[2651] And he was like, oh, yeah.

[2652] Do you have to bring a passport?

[2653] And I was like, no. Of course not.

[2654] But then I was like, do I?

[2655] And I had to look it up.

[2656] Well, when we went in quarantine with the pod, that's the hardest I've ever had to work to get into a place.

[2657] We basically had to get visas.

[2658] Yes, it was harder than I've been to some of it.

[2659] I went to Russia for Christ's sake and it was easier.

[2660] Yeah.

[2661] Anywho, well, that's all.

[2662] All right.

[2663] Love you.

[2664] Love Rami.

[2665] Yes.

[2666] Love everyone.

[2667] Bye.

[2668] Be well.

[2669] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app.

[2670] Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[2671] You can listen to every episode of Armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts.

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