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[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

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[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] All right, let's say hello to Jenna.

[5] Hi, Jenna.

[6] How are you?

[7] Oh, my gosh.

[8] I'm so good.

[9] This is crazy.

[10] Well, it's not that crazy.

[11] It's very nice to talk to you.

[12] Yeah.

[13] You're in Boulder, Colorado.

[14] Mm -hmm.

[15] Is that where you go to school?

[16] Yes.

[17] But you're not in school right now, obviously, because of the coronavirus.

[18] So where are you at home?

[19] I'm in Boulder, but all my classes are on Zoom.

[20] Well, it's very nice meeting you, Jenna.

[21] And I'm going to tell you quickly, my experience with Boulder, Colorado, which is about 10 years ago.

[22] I did a big tour around the nation.

[23] And I would do sort of the same routine every night but in different cities.

[24] And the laughs would all come in the same place, exactly the same place, because I was doing the same thing.

[25] And we worked really hard to make this a good show and we knew just where the laughs were and I'd say this and it would get a laugh and then I'd say that and we'd get a laugh and just it worked.

[26] This show worked.

[27] Then I get to Boulder.

[28] I say a joke.

[29] Oh gosh.

[30] Nothing.

[31] And I'm like, what's going on?

[32] And then I start to tell the second joke, but I hear laughter as I'm telling the second joke.

[33] And I don't understand what that's from.

[34] And all the laughs aren't where they're supposed to be and I'm confused.

[35] Then for the next show, we go to Denver and I'm saying to the people in Denver, I don't get it.

[36] In Boulder, it was so weird, and they cut me off and they said, they're all high.

[37] Yeah.

[38] All high.

[39] And I realized they're right.

[40] They were laughing, but they were not laughing where everyone else was laughing.

[41] They were laughing later.

[42] So my question for you is, are you high right now?

[43] No. Okay, okay.

[44] Well, you don't have to tell me, you know.

[45] It's okay if you are.

[46] No, no. I got to remember this.

[47] It's okay if you are high.

[48] You know, that's your choice, you know, and Sona would be the last person to ever judge anyone for being, hi, if you know what I mean.

[49] All right.

[50] Okay, a lot of edibles.

[51] Yeah, you didn't have to explain it.

[52] Everybody understood what you were trying to say.

[53] You smoked it.

[54] No, edibles.

[55] I did also.

[56] I did all of it.

[57] It's them like candy.

[58] Now, of course, she's pregnant with twins.

[59] So that's not happening.

[60] But my God, yes.

[61] Just used to if you kick.

[62] to her purse, which I did sometimes, just edibles would go flying everywhere.

[63] Hundreds of them.

[64] Hundreds of them.

[65] Hundreds.

[66] So, uh, the question is, why are you kicking my purse?

[67] Let's not explore that.

[68] That's something that a boss does to an employee sometimes.

[69] It's just standard in the workplace.

[70] I would just randomly kick purses, and that's what I would do.

[71] So how are you getting through, how are you surviving?

[72] Everybody wants to know how people are getting along, and this is a real way for us to connect, Jenna.

[73] How are you surviving during, during coronavirus, during this pandemic?

[74] You're a young person.

[75] You seem to be very bright.

[76] First of all, what do you eat?

[77] What are you eating these days?

[78] I eat peanut butter and jelly.

[79] I'm sorry?

[80] You eat peanut butter, you mean peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

[81] Yeah.

[82] Okay.

[83] So you're high.

[84] What you're saying is you're high.

[85] That's exactly what a person who's had a bunch of edibles in Boulder would do is immediately scarf down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[86] So that's what you're doing.

[87] You're eating, is that all you're eating?

[88] Because if that's, if that's the case, you're going to die.

[89] It doesn't have all the, it doesn't have all the nutrients.

[90] It just doesn't.

[91] It has a lot of them.

[92] You know what?

[93] It's pretty good.

[94] But I'm saying if you lived exclusively off peanut butter and jelly, in a few months, I don't know, your bone marrow would disappear.

[95] Is you?

[96] I don't want that to happen to you.

[97] Yeah.

[98] Occasionally have something else.

[99] Are you a cook?

[100] Do you cook things?

[101] I'm not really.

[102] a cook, but I am learning how to be one since I have to.

[103] I got, have you heard of an instant pot?

[104] Wait, which one is that?

[105] What's an instant pot?

[106] Is that the high pressure pot?

[107] My wife has the insta pot.

[108] It's very nice.

[109] So what she does is she can take, is this the same thing?

[110] She takes like an absolutely frozen chicken.

[111] Like absolutely frozen and puts it in there and 20 minutes later it's moist, delicious, cooked chicken.

[112] Yeah.

[113] But it's also radioactive.

[114] That's the thing they don't tell you about the instant pot is it uses plutonium.

[115] Yeah.

[116] Yeah, I could.

[117] So what are you cooking in your instant pot?

[118] Peanut Butter and Jelly?

[119] Do me a favor.

[120] Put peanut butter and jelly in the instant pot.

[121] Put a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and just see what happens.

[122] Just see what happens.

[123] Yeah.

[124] I mean, I don't, I bet it wouldn't taste good.

[125] Who knows?

[126] Or it would taste so great that you're a this time next year, you're a billionaire.

[127] Yeah, maybe.

[128] And everybody wants a radioactive people.

[129] and J. It's Jenna's radioactive PB and J's.

[130] That would be so killer.

[131] I'll let you know.

[132] Well, do you have any questions for me?

[133] How can I help you?

[134] I'm an old man with a lot of wisdom, you know?

[135] Okay, yeah.

[136] My question is what conspiracy theory would you like to start slash do you have a favorite conspiracy theory?

[137] Oh, wow.

[138] Okay.

[139] That's really interesting.

[140] Yeah, I don't, I'm not a conspiracy theorist.

[141] I think most conspiracies rely on hundreds and hundreds of people keeping a secret.

[142] And my experience in life is that two people can't keep a secret.

[143] So if you're, you know, whether you're Q and on or whoever you are, their conspiracy, when you ask them to explain how it works, it's always, well, hundreds of thousands of people in the post office, veterinarians, people that work in strip clubs, you know, dentists, they're all working together on this vast conspiracy, and it's not, no, that's not how humans are.

[144] So no one can keep a secret.

[145] So I don't usually believe in those.

[146] I like the silly ones like Elvis is still alive or Elvis responded.

[147] Really?

[148] Because I just like, first of all, I like thinking about Elvis Presley still being alive, And then I like that he's just hanging around 7 -Elevens at a time when most people are drunk.

[149] And that's why they see him.

[150] So wouldn't you just come back and reclaim your fortune?

[151] Exactly.

[152] And hasn't it been enough time?

[153] You've been away long enough.

[154] Wouldn't you come back now and say, hey, everybody.

[155] Yeah, I still kind of laid a little there for a while.

[156] Did about 60 years hanging on.

[157] Kind of just appearing in the night and have people see me. But I think I'm going to come back now and reclaim my nice home.

[158] and all my royalty checks and just sort of be rich and famous again.

[159] I mean, that's what I think.

[160] I think he'll come back.

[161] So that might be my favorite one.

[162] Yeah.

[163] That's a good one.

[164] Yeah.

[165] Real sorry about disappearing on everybody.

[166] Causing a national mourning every year at the time of my death, which was August 16th, 1977.

[167] Sorry, Conan knows that, but he's a creep.

[168] You just had to throw that in.

[169] Just so we knew that you know.

[170] No, this is Elvis talking.

[171] So Elvis knows that I know.

[172] Conna Brown, pretty dedicated fan.

[173] He happens to know that I passed away August 16th, 1977 in my home of Graceland.

[174] Anyway, I'm back now.

[175] Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[176] Wait, I love that.

[177] I love how in this conspiracy theory, Elvis is, is he poor?

[178] Yeah.

[179] He has like no, okay.

[180] Of course.

[181] He's been, he's just roaming around.

[182] He's been wandering around.

[183] Where is he going to get?

[184] First of all, he has no credit cards.

[185] All he has is a gas.

[186] from Texaco that expired in 1977.

[187] So it's not like he can walk into places and get money.

[188] So he works little odd jobs here and there.

[189] No. And nobody notices it's him?

[190] Well, it's a lot of, it's a long time later.

[191] So he looks a lot different.

[192] Okay.

[193] He'd be like, what would he be now?

[194] He'd be like 90 years old or 85 years old.

[195] He's an old guy.

[196] So he's, this 85 -year -old man is walking into places and saying, You want me?

[197] I could try and repair your Atari game if you want.

[198] Get in the back there.

[199] I could clean up by the pool if you want.

[200] I could skim that pool.

[201] Oh, look, old man, you...

[202] He's cleaning pool.

[203] Yeah, that's what he's doing.

[204] Come on, it's Elvis.

[205] And occasionally he gets frustrated, and he's like, huh, I really want that chicken sandwich.

[206] Well, sir, you can't have it.

[207] You got to leave.

[208] You know, I'm going to tell you something I haven't told dinner about I'm Elvis Presley.

[209] Sir, you're not Elvis Presley.

[210] You're an old man. I'll tell you, I love me tender.

[211] You know what?

[212] It sounds credible, but no, you're out.

[213] Get out.

[214] Get out.

[215] Get out.

[216] Jehovah.

[217] So that's my favorite one, that Elvis is wandering around with no money, doing odd jobs, and appearing to people, and then occasionally showing up in a tabloid, you know?

[218] Oh, poor Elvis.

[219] Yeah.

[220] Nice.

[221] Nice.

[222] I love that.

[223] What about one that you would want to start?

[224] Let's see, one that I would want to start.

[225] That's a really good one.

[226] I think, well, obviously, I think it should be about me if I'm starting it, right?

[227] Yes, yeah.

[228] Sort of what would be a good rumor to start about me?

[229] It would just really help.

[230] I mean, there's the obvious thing that I'm an incredibly sensual, you know.

[231] Oh.

[232] But that's.

[233] That you're like just an incredible lover?

[234] Yes.

[235] Is that what you mean?

[236] Yes, an incredible lover who's chosen to remain married to the same woman for 19 years.

[237] That's not a conspiracy theory, is it?

[238] That's not a conspiracy.

[239] It would be like, oh, your dad.

[240] That's just a rumor.

[241] That's just a rumor.

[242] What I did was just invent a rumor that I'm a great lover.

[243] And that's not a conspiracy theory.

[244] And the fact that I think that it's so insane that anyone would think I was a great lover, that it's so insane that it would fall into the category of conspiracy theory tells you something about myself.

[245] Oh, my God.

[246] I just love people pouring over all this evidence.

[247] Like, is he though?

[248] Is he really a good lover?

[249] Yeah.

[250] What about this time he said?

[251] this.

[252] Yeah, why is his wife always crying?

[253] Um, I, let's see.

[254] Yeah.

[255] That's a good one.

[256] My dad invented something.

[257] That's a good kind of rumor to have.

[258] Do you want to be in the Illuminati?

[259] I mean, if I was going to do something, I would want to be in the Illuminati.

[260] Oh, and also I'm Catholic.

[261] So that makes sense that I'd be in the Illuminati, right?

[262] Yeah, because that's like a, you know, whoever's in it sounds cool.

[263] Like, you'd be in there with, like, Beyonce and Jay Z. Like, wouldn't you want to be part of that?

[264] And you know that, like, Stephen Colbert, uh, he's, he's, religious.

[265] So they could say that the only reason Stephen Colbert and Conan O 'Brien do talk shows is because we were sent out by the Illuminati to infiltrate.

[266] And we're part of that.

[267] And we're, if you look at our shows, we're both in very different ways using our comedy and our interviews to push the goals of the Illuminati forward.

[268] And this is part of a, this is an 800 -year -old mission that we've given.

[269] And that whenever our shows go dark, people would notice our shows go on hiatus at the same time.

[270] And they don't know this, but Stephen Colbert and I both go to Rome.

[271] And we don't robes and we go into like a secret catacomb and we take part in all these rituals.

[272] And then it's time for us to go back and be idiots on TV again.

[273] Yeah.

[274] Yes.

[275] That's good.

[276] All right.

[277] That's my rumor.

[278] That's my conspiracy theory.

[279] Conspiracy theory.

[280] Yeah.

[281] That two of the hosts, Stephen Colbert and Conan O 'Brien are part of the Illuminati.

[282] And they're trying to get some of the other hosts involved, but like Seth Myers isn't having it.

[283] You know, it's not his religion.

[284] And you can't recruit anybody.

[285] I can't recruit anybody.

[286] And they just, we're always calling them.

[287] And they're always like, is this about the Illuminati?

[288] James Gordon is like, is this about the bleeding Illuminati again?

[289] Is this about the fucking Illuminati?

[290] Sorry, I'll do a karaoke with you in the car.

[291] And we can talk about how Mother Mary, It was secret.

[292] No, we're not going to talk about the fucking Illuminati.

[293] Yeah.

[294] I think we, you know what?

[295] We worked out a lot of stuff here, Jenna.

[296] I'm really happy about this.

[297] Yeah.

[298] I think we...

[299] Me too.

[300] Me too.

[301] You seem like a lovely person, Jenna.

[302] I like you.

[303] Oh, thank you.

[304] All right.

[305] Well, very nice talking to you, Jenna.

[306] And please spread that rumor around.

[307] Yes.

[308] And also the lover thing, you know, tell people I've heard.

[309] Okay, yeah, I will.

[310] Just old stories about me in the 90s.

[311] Just what an incredible lover.

[312] I was, you know.

[313] You can skip that one.

[314] I also, I promised my dad I would tell you that he's also a big fan.

[315] Oh, that's so nice.

[316] Well, tell your dad I said hello.

[317] Yes, I will.

[318] And tell him I want to fight him someday.

[319] Okay.

[320] I want to fight your dad in your front yard and we've got to make that happen, okay?

[321] Is your dad a pretty good fighter?

[322] He could kick my ass, right?

[323] Easily.

[324] Who knows?

[325] All right, you know what?

[326] I want it to be close.

[327] It should be a close fight.

[328] So tell your dad it's going to be a, we're going to fight it out.

[329] your front yard for no reason, for absolutely no reason.

[330] And then when one of us beats the other, we'll all sit down for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, okay?

[331] There we go.

[332] All right.

[333] Bye, Jenna.

[334] Nice talking to you.

[335] Yeah, this is amazing.

[336] Thank you.

[337] Conan, please meet Jenny.

[338] Hey, Jenny.

[339] How are you?

[340] Hi, I'm doing really well.

[341] How are you guys?

[342] We're doing really well.

[343] It's nice to see you.

[344] You have, let me describe to our listeners, you have gorgeous purple hair.

[345] Oh, thank you.

[346] This has been my work -from -home project since no one in the office can technically tell me that I'm breaking any, you know, rules about looking any way.

[347] Like looking professional.

[348] Yeah, I've got through the rainbow.

[349] I've been going through the rainbow, so.

[350] So you've been going through COVID dyeing your hair, these sort of elaborate colors just because you're not at work, you don't have to be formal, and you can do whatever you want, right?

[351] Yeah, it's sort of, I feel like I've been on an express train of hobbies, just like burning through them and just hair dyeing is one of them.

[352] Yeah, what else have you been doing?

[353] Because everyone's doing this.

[354] Everyone has hobbies during the pandemic, and they're doing things they didn't normally do.

[355] Like what else, so you're doing your hair?

[356] What other things are you doing?

[357] Well, the first one I started off with was sewing, which is great because I had a sewing machine for my Kia.

[358] And it being an IKEA product, the instruction manual for a sewing machine was just a picture book, which I think is like my speed perfectly is a no words, picture book of amorphous little drawings, you know, sewing stuff.

[359] So I made two masks.

[360] It probably took me two weeks.

[361] So I figured that might not be the hobby for me. That's cool.

[362] Ikea also has a book for an appendectomy.

[363] And, yeah, and for cataract surgery.

[364] And so I've been messing around with those, which is really fun.

[365] Yeah, as your own quarantine.

[366] Oh, God, no. No, no, I just do it to my son.

[367] He can't see now, and he really needed his appendix, which is unusual.

[368] Apparently, most people are.

[369] In like 10 years, they're going to have those cyborg eyes anyway.

[370] Exactly.

[371] That's what I told him.

[372] That's what I told him.

[373] So you said that you have to be, you work in a workplace where you need to be more formal, because I would think, I mean, here in L .A., you can have purple hair at almost any job because everybody's in show business, do you know what I mean?

[374] And everyone's allowed to be creative.

[375] But you have a job where you go in and they would, on that.

[376] What kind of job do you have?

[377] I'm a lawyer for an energy company.

[378] Oh, you've got a real serious job.

[379] Yeah, I guess.

[380] You're an energy lawyer.

[381] Yeah, yeah.

[382] Okay.

[383] Yeah, it's okay.

[384] I feel it's, it was a good area of law to be in until everything happened in Texas, and now it's really stressful.

[385] So, thanks, Texas.

[386] I'm guessing that was sarcastic.

[387] But doesn't that mean there's more business for you because there's got to be a lot of lawsuits flying around, right?

[388] But I would say maybe I went into energy law because there weren't so many lawsuits to begin with.

[389] Oh, you tried to choose a, you tried to choose a sleepy area of law, right?

[390] Oh, you know, no. I'll draw, yeah.

[391] I don't want to work that hard.

[392] So I'm going to go into that very, that law that protects parakeets that have been in a car accident.

[393] And they were driving.

[394] Like, that's what you did.

[395] You went into a very specific, you know, but then it blew up on you and you had all this work to do.

[396] I know.

[397] I know.

[398] And I feel like this is coming to me because I went to a very, I went to Vermont law school in Vermont and they are a very energy focused school.

[399] I endearingly call it like the where ambulance chasers for the environment are made.

[400] Right.

[401] And so I'm seeing, yeah, I'm saying all of my friends do like a lot of hard work.

[402] And I'm like, look at them go.

[403] They're doing such great stuff.

[404] One of my friends just like did incredible work for the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland.

[405] And I'm like, she works so hard.

[406] and I didn't have to do anything until two weeks ago, and I guess that's what I get.

[407] Yes.

[408] Now you're getting your payback.

[409] Well, what are you doing?

[410] How do you spend your day?

[411] Oh, so since it's, we're all on work from home rules, my mother tricked me into coming to Missouri and working my job during the day over the internet and working at her restaurant in the evenings.

[412] Oh, you work at her restaurant?

[413] Yeah.

[414] Your mother has a restaurant?

[415] What kind of restaurant is it?

[416] It's a Thai restaurant.

[417] It is called Walk -in, roll.

[418] Walk and roll.

[419] Yes.

[420] It has to be a pun with walk, doesn't it, if it's a tire restaurant?

[421] Like walk this way?

[422] Yeah.

[423] Well, see, and I thought that was very obvious, but so my dad, he passed, but he, when they started this, he had been in a wheelchair all of his life.

[424] So my mom's joke was, get it, I walk around and he rolls around.

[425] Oh my God.

[426] Oh my God.

[427] Did your dad like this joke?

[428] Did he like this joke?

[429] You know, he was a very, nice man, very tired, it seemed.

[430] And so that just seemed like not the hill to fight, to die out, was the name of the restaurant.

[431] Did you ever think about Christopher Walken?

[432] Was that something that ever even?

[433] No, I'm just thinking, like, no one, it always has to be Walk something, but people should use it in a way that makes no sense.

[434] We went through other puns.

[435] And another one we came up with was food to tie for.

[436] Oh, I haven't heard that one before.

[437] Yeah, but my mom, English is her second language.

[438] She's originally from Thailand.

[439] She kept misusing it.

[440] And so she would go on the Facebook and she would write, make sure you come by today for lunch.

[441] It's time to die.

[442] Oh, my God.

[443] And this is after telling your father in a wheelchair, why don't you go roll around?

[444] Yeah.

[445] Oh, my God.

[446] Your mother's a monster.

[447] Yeah.

[448] So we stuck with walk and roll because it, you know, she didn't get it, but it was fine.

[449] And it worked.

[450] And we weren't telling people to just go off themselves.

[451] Oh, my goodness.

[452] Come, hey, you look hungry.

[453] It's time to die.

[454] Well, how's the restaurant going?

[455] It's been a tough time for restaurants.

[456] It's weirdly going well.

[457] It was extremely tough.

[458] But I guess being an Asian restaurant, they were already set up to tackle carryout orders.

[459] And that's been great.

[460] But we also live in a very weird place.

[461] I'm in Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri.

[462] And I don't know.

[463] It's just an anomaly.

[464] They are infamous now because last year there were a lot of pictures going around of people having those pool parties, like, as if the pandemic wasn't happening.

[465] That's here.

[466] That's this place.

[467] Oh!

[468] This is the place that the pandemic missed, I guess.

[469] So you live in COVID -denier Central.

[470] Oh, yeah.

[471] So people are just having that.

[472] All those pictures we saw.

[473] of all those people in a giant pool together eating takeout Thai food, that was your town.

[474] Yes, yep.

[475] Yeah, if you look real close, you can see tiny walk and roll logos everywhere.

[476] Oh, God.

[477] Time to die.

[478] Sorry.

[479] Okay, stop saying time.

[480] You know what, I'm trying to keep this upbeat and you keep shouting time to die.

[481] And, you know, someone's just tuning in right now and they're going to get the wrong idea about what this is.

[482] This is a podcast where we encourage people to go to the light.

[483] called Time to Die.

[484] Yeah, I'll probably be disbarred.

[485] It's fine.

[486] No, no, no, you're doing fine.

[487] Well, how can I help you?

[488] Is there any way I've been around the block?

[489] I've seen a lot in my life.

[490] I have a lot of life experience.

[491] Do you have any questions for me?

[492] Is there any way I can help you?

[493] Yes, I do have a question.

[494] So I am a relatively new listener.

[495] Just started with the pandemic and I've been catching up.

[496] And I noticed that you and Gourley sort of throughout little history tidbits from time to time.

[497] And I really enjoy it.

[498] I think this is one of the only podcasts where when I'm done listening it, I have to go Google the references of what you've mentioned.

[499] Right.

[500] Doing that a lot.

[501] And so my question was, if you were to start your own history museum, what kind of exhibits or artifacts would you like to feature or have it be based around?

[502] Wow.

[503] That's a really good question.

[504] I'm going to say 19th century American.

[505] That's probably what I'm most interested in.

[506] Civil War era, late 19th century.

[507] It's such a kooky time.

[508] There's just so many, so there's civil war stuff you can have in the museum, but also it was a time when people were, were creating these, you know, utopian, and I put that in quote, societies that, that were, everyone was having sex with each other, these kooky societies in upstate New York.

[509] What?

[510] Yeah.

[511] Yeah.

[512] I'm not kidding.

[513] And there is, there's just filled with, America was just filled with con artists and weirdos and freaks.

[514] And not that we aren't now, but, but the night.

[515] 19th century, such a fascinating time to me in America.

[516] So that's, I think, what I would focus on.

[517] You know, phrenologists were thought to be very learned men, and they actually thought that by feeling your head and where the bumps are, they could tell things about you, which is just total bullshit.

[518] And they had phrenology heads that you've probably seen for sale sometimes in antique stores, that if there's a bump on this part of the skull, it means that this person is an arsonist.

[519] You know, just total nonsense.

[520] I don't know.

[521] That's the world I would like to live in.

[522] And I would probably walk around in that museum wearing a waistcoat with a pocket watch and I would have a fake waxed mustache.

[523] And I would sort of talk in that whole timey voice.

[524] And I'd say, welcome to my museum.

[525] And if you get hungry, there's a nice place.

[526] Walk and roll is next door.

[527] You should check it out.

[528] Because it looks, you're an older gentleman and I think it's time to die.

[529] That's what I would do.

[530] Okay, that makes sense Because when you started I thought you were going down like a political route or like presidential maybe like Monicello was like a secret House of debauchery, sorry, I can't talk.

[531] Monicello is pretty cool.

[532] And there was, you know, there was some, I don't know, debauchery is the word, but Monicello is kind of a fascinating place.

[533] Jefferson was an inventor.

[534] He was kind of a kooky inventor and so his inventions are all over the place.

[535] And the first thing you see when you walk into Monticello is he had a clock that he didn't want to be rewinding it all the time.

[536] So it has a really long pendulum that goes through an opening in the floor and like down into a deep chamber so that it can last longer.

[537] And the weights go down that way too.

[538] It's really crazy.

[539] So yeah, interesting, but I'm going to give me the 19th century.

[540] That's what I say.

[541] 19th century.

[542] Okay.

[543] What's that, Sona?

[544] Lots of it.

[545] I'm just curious about what these exhibits are going to look like because you're making it.

[546] sound really like cool and sexy, but like you're...

[547] Okay, let me say something that's going to differentiate my museum from other museums.

[548] I have a lot of connections and show business.

[549] So come to my museum and you're going to see celebrities there dressed as different historical characters, you know, yeah, I have a lot of pull with, with well -known people.

[550] And, you know, so, you know, Nicole Kidman would be there dressed.

[551] I mean, she's not going to be there every day.

[552] I've talked to her about it.

[553] And she can't do it every day, but she can do Thursdays.

[554] Nicole Kidman would be there wearing, you know, some outfit that someone wore at Lincoln's inaugural ball, his first, not his second, you know.

[555] And just standing there?

[556] Yeah, kind of standing like a living statue.

[557] And then you walk up to her and you press a button and she would do a quick scene about what it was like to be there that glorious day talking to Mary Todd Lincoln and then she'd freeze again.

[558] And then you'd press the button and she'd have to say the exact same script.

[559] But I would get all kinds of A -list celebrities to be there, you know, playing different 19th century people.

[560] and it'd be the hottest ticket in town.

[561] Let's make history fun.

[562] Let's get A -list celebrities dressed as 19th century icons, you know?

[563] Let's make this happen.

[564] Let's get the rock dressed as Mark Twain walking around saying things that Mark Twain would say.

[565] And I've talked to The Rock, and he can't do Thursdays, but he can do Tuesdays.

[566] He can't do every Tuesday, but he's pretty open in June and July.

[567] This is the kind of stuff that I've been getting into.

[568] Will there be like a wrestling featurette?

[569] Well, you know, when you have The Rock there, there's going to be some pressure.

[570] He's got to wrestle.

[571] Yeah.

[572] And he's going to say, I'm not the Rock anymore.

[573] I'm Dwayne, the Rock Johnson.

[574] And I'll be like, let's cut the shit.

[575] You know, you're Mark Twain.

[576] You're Mark Twain, and you're going to wrestle.

[577] And you're going to wrestle now.

[578] And you're going to wrestle Liam Hemsworth, who's dressed as John D. Rockefeller, you know.

[579] And that's just a good museum, right?

[580] That's the best museum I've ever gone to.

[581] Yeah.

[582] It's really good.

[583] Beats the Smithsonian, which is shit, that museum.

[584] I feel like you're going to have to have one of those movie disclaimers, like, based on a true story, but maybe not.

[585] Look, when people find out that I'm running the museum, and you're a lawyer, you know this.

[586] Yes, yes.

[587] My defense is going to be, what did you expect?

[588] You were going to Conan O 'Brien for historic accuracy.

[589] When you saw The Rock as Mark Twain wrestling Liam Hemsworth as John D. Rockefeller and you didn't leave immediately and now you're suing, no, you'll be my lawyer.

[590] You know, get out of energy.

[591] Yeah.

[592] Yeah, yeah.

[593] As I've mentioned before, I'm very good at being a lawyer and very enthusiastic about it.

[594] So this will definitely not go poorly.

[595] Wow.

[596] I think I've cracked the code of how you speak.

[597] So you're not a good lawyer.

[598] You don't like what you do and you think it's going to go terribly.

[599] No, I enjoy it.

[600] I just, I think I'm not used to talking about it because, you know, usually when you mention you're a lawyer and I don't know, if you do family law, people are like, take me through my divorce.

[601] energy law, people just shut down because I get to say, oh, I just work for the telephone pole.

[602] And then no one bothers me because nobody cares.

[603] You know what?

[604] I think you could change your attitude.

[605] I bet you there's a lot that's very fascinating about your job.

[606] And I think it's the way you're describing it.

[607] And I think you should describe it differently.

[608] You said, you should just say, I am a lawyer who represents energy, the force that makes everything work in the world and the universe.

[609] That's how you've got to talk about your profession.

[610] I think you're right.

[611] I think I need to get a bunch of those.

[612] Tesla globes and put them around my desk to read.

[613] Yeah, little Tesla coils that go, that make off those, shoot off those little sparks.

[614] And you should say, I control, you're like an X -Men.

[615] I control energy.

[616] I represent all that moves, all that surges, all that glows, all that burns.

[617] I am Energiza.

[618] You know?

[619] Yeah.

[620] That's your superheroine name.

[621] I can do that.

[622] I will change my business card to professional X -Men, and then I think it'll go better.

[623] Energiza.

[624] Sounds like an allergy medication.

[625] needs a fan.

[626] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley.

[627] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[628] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[629] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[630] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird, Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples, Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm, engineered by Will Bechton.

[631] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[632] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.