MFM Minisode 147

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hello.

[2] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[3] The minisode.

[4] This is where we read you back, your stuff.

[5] Don't you love it?

[6] We do too.

[7] That's Georgia.

[8] And that's Karen.

[9] That was tight as a drum.

[10] Oh, my God.

[11] We've never done an intro so beautifully professional.

[12] Truly.

[13] And effervescent.

[14] Oh.

[15] Oh, really?

[16] That's my compliment to you.

[17] Are you ready?

[18] I'm ready.

[19] A body in a weird place, you asked?

[20] That's the subject line.

[21] Nice.

[22] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen.

[23] Fauna.

[24] Love it.

[25] In Minnesota 63, you asked for emails, re -bodies and weird places?

[26] Well, I'll tell you where I found a guy he shouldn't have been.

[27] When I lived in Santa Barbara in the mid -1990s, I worked at a fancy resort in the room service department taking phone orders.

[28] You want to know, but I can't say it on the pod.

[29] Believe it.

[30] The hotel property is super old, and there are rumors that it's haunted.

[31] I usually worked the late shift, so I got off work at 1 a .m. We were required to wear uniforms at work and to change in and out of our uniforms on the premises in a locker room.

[32] The locker room was in the basement near the accounting office, uniform checkout room, and the pastry kitchen, neither of which were occupied by staff late at night.

[33] There was a weird door in the locker room into a closet that had a window in it with those old Spanish -style bars on it.

[34] One night I was changing from my uniform into my own clothes in the locker room.

[35] There wasn't another soul in the basement.

[36] Already such a big problem for me. Or so I thought.

[37] Oh, no, more problems.

[38] As I was standing in my underwear in front of the mirror, there was this ledge to put your clothes on, purse, etc. While you changed, I heard a loud sigh that sounded like a man in aroused state.

[39] I looked up at the mirror to see if there was someone or a ghost behind me and saw a reflection in the mirror of a man's face.

[40] Looking at me from the closet through the barred window.

[41] I screamed.

[42] He came out of the closet.

[43] I thought he was going to attack me. And being cornered in the basement, I ran toward him ready to beat the shit out of him.

[44] Yes.

[45] Parentheses, mind you, I'm still just in my underwear.

[46] He ran away from me and exited the locker room.

[47] I quickly got dressed and went out to call security.

[48] I recognized the man as a housekeeper who frequently came to say hello to me when I was working.

[49] Security called the man. police and searched the property to find him while I waited in a secure location.

[50] I didn't want this creep to follow me home.

[51] They eventually found him hiding on the property and arrested him.

[52] He was cited for a misdemeanor and released.

[53] I never heard from the DA or the police after that, but he was fired from his job.

[54] As you well know, at that time, peeping wasn't seen as a first step in escalating sex crimes.

[55] I never saw him again, but I hope that asshole didn't go on to commit more or worse sexual assaults.

[56] I don't live in Santa Barbara any more, but I will be coming up for my favorite weekend, and I can't wait.

[57] By the way, I will not be staying in that hotel.

[58] SSDGM and don't go into a basement locker room alone late at night, Christine.

[59] Wow.

[60] Can you imagine you look at, it's 1 a .m. You look in the mirror and behind you, you realize that you're not seeing just darkness inside a closet.

[61] No. There's a face staring back at you.

[62] And you're at your most vulnerable, no clothes on.

[63] Oh, God.

[64] That's horrifying.

[65] Just the worst.

[66] There's my first one.

[67] Okay.

[68] This one's called Don't Die Over Minimum Wage.

[69] Really?

[70] Hello, all.

[71] Let's move on to the reason we're here.

[72] When I was 19, I worked at a small frozen yogurt shop where I had to close a store by myself because our district manager was trash.

[73] For real.

[74] Total garbage.

[75] The Froyo shop was in a medium -sized middle -class town, meaning you could find meth by going floor blocks in any direction.

[76] The store was set up with a lobby immediately inside, yogurt machines on one side, with a door.

[77] leaving to the back and the register straight across from the front doors.

[78] I'm closing alone one night and in the back area washing the dishes when I hear the bell ring signaling a customer had just walked in.

[79] This is weird because I could have sworn I locked the door when I had started my closing tasks.

[80] I peeked my head out from the back to see a large man right inside the front doors staring directly through my eyes into my soul.

[81] I call out in my customer service voice, oh, I'm sorry, sir, we're closed for the evening.

[82] This did nothing to stop him, and I realize he's most likely on drugs when he continues to stare and walk towards me only saying yogurt i apologize again and my brain goes into survival mode i pretend to call out to my non -existent co -workers saying no it's okay i'll let him know we're closed large and burly maybe meth man starts to walk towards the door that leads to the back area where i'm at saying no i'm already here no that's not how it works it doesn't work that way motherfucker i decide i'm not willing to die over minimum wage and pick up two large butcher knives and wave them around like a crazy lady saying, you have to leave, we're closed.

[83] He puts his hand up, apologizes, and leaves.

[84] Good.

[85] I run and shove a chair to the front door, call my stepdad to come pick me up and get the hell out of there.

[86] Yeah.

[87] I quit the next day because fuck that shit.

[88] Maybe he really wanted yogurt and was just hungry, but I'm glad I went with my gut instinct in that moment.

[89] Yes.

[90] I'd rather be alive and crazy than trusting and dead or assaulted.

[91] Hello.

[92] Hi.

[93] P .S. I think I listened to this podcast too much because sometimes I'm I hear things or drive by creepy looking houses and think to tell you guys about it.

[94] And then remember, you don't know me and we aren't friends.

[95] Yes, we are.

[96] Stay sexy and don't die over minimum wage and always make sure you're willing to look like the craziest motherfucker in the room.

[97] Your friend in another lifetime, Sasha.

[98] Sasha, it's so true.

[99] Sasha, great job.

[100] Really good job.

[101] And also, fuck people who don't let teenagers who work for minimum wage in those retail spaces that they don't schedule.

[102] to people, and that making anyone closed by themselves that's in high school boy or girl, that's bullshit.

[103] It's all so frightening.

[104] It's not cool at all.

[105] Yeah.

[106] Yogurt shot murders.

[107] You actually let's me think of that immediately.

[108] That's right.

[109] That's right because it's, yeah, people are vulnerable.

[110] Trapped in a spot.

[111] There's so many of the stories that we've told that start with a person who's just doing their job, they're doing the thing they're supposed to do, they're following the rules, they're trying to make their money.

[112] Some piece of shit comes around and takes advantage of of that.

[113] Bullshit.

[114] Assholes.

[115] God, I love frozen yogurt.

[116] Okay.

[117] This, I'm not going to read this subject line because it gives everything away.

[118] Okay.

[119] Hi, I'm FM crew.

[120] In honor of a, oh, this is after Halloween, but in honor of spooky Halloween, I wanted to write in about the time I, my mom and I saw a dead body.

[121] I live in Florida and usually go home to Pennsylvania once a year in October to visit my family and go to the annual Apple Harvest Festival in Gettysburg.

[122] Yay.

[123] I love the apple bread enough to get, uh, past the fact that it's the women's Republican Party that makes and sells it as their fun break.

[124] Oh, honey, you're giving money to the Republican Party.

[125] Just make your own apple bread.

[126] Get the fucking recipe from an old lady in your family.

[127] That's right.

[128] Come on.

[129] I bet you could find one online.

[130] There was a time where that was okay.

[131] And both sides and partisanship, not anymore.

[132] It's fucking 2019.

[133] There are babies in cages.

[134] It's not a joke.

[135] How do you like them apples?

[136] please right now give some money to races which is the charity that's down in Texas that's trying to help immigrants and people whose children have been taken away from them because they're trying to immigrate to a better country and get away from the war in their country son of bitch anywho and that's on the page last year when I was home I was in the car with my mom about a mile from my grandparents house when we see a man laying on the ground in his driveway not moving I say something to my mom and ask if we should go back and see if he's all right.

[137] And my mom says, no, hopefully he's dead, that man that lives there as a pedophile.

[138] Mom.

[139] I love mom.

[140] Suddenly she's redeemed.

[141] She went on to tell me that he had been in and out of jail for raping multiple young girls around the time that my mom was a kid in the 70s.

[142] My mom was right.

[143] He was dead.

[144] He was shot on his porch and had crawled down his driveway for help.

[145] A few days later, a man turned a. himself in for murder.

[146] Apparently, the dead guy was sleeping with a married woman and her husband decided to kill him.

[147] I can't get past the fact that a woman was sleeping with a convicted child rapist.

[148] That should be an automatic deal breaker.

[149] Keep up the great work.

[150] This podcast keeps me sane on my 90 -minute commute.

[151] SSDGM, Alyssa.

[152] I love that the mom's like, who cares?

[153] Keep going.

[154] Seriously, I'm sorry, but that's not, it's, you get to, withhold help for people that have only harmed others their whole lives.

[155] I'm disappointed that he got killed for sleeping with a grown woman and not for a child.

[156] It would have been more satisfying in the story, but either way, what's important is that when he crawled down his porch to go get help, the people in his community said, guess what, motherfucker, you're a bad person, you're the enemy, and you're going to have, you're reaping what you sow, friend.

[157] And, Georgia, what if I told you we could be transported to the 1920s to solve a murder?

[158] I'd say, my entire life and wardrobe have led me to this point.

[159] If you want to escape to a bygone age of mystery, danger, and romance, then check out June's Journey, the Hidden Object Mystery Game that tests your detective skills.

[160] June's Journey is a mobile mystery game that follows June Parker and New York Socialite living in London.

[161] As June Parker, you'll investigate beautifully detailed scenes of the 1920s while uncovering the mystery of her sister's murder.

[162] There are twists, turns, and catchy tunes all leading you deeper into the thrilling storyline.

[163] And if you play well enough, you could make it to the detective club where you can chat with other players and either team up with them or compete against them.

[164] June needs your help, but watch out you never know which character might be a villain.

[165] Find out, as you escape this world and dive into June's world of mystery, murder, and romance.

[166] Can you crack the case?

[167] Download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[168] Discover your inner detective when you download.

[169] June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[170] That's June's Journey, download the game for free on iOS and Android.

[171] Goodbye.

[172] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[173] Absolutely.

[174] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[175] Exactly.

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[178] That's right.

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[191] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[192] Goodbye.

[193] I was a four -year -old murder suspect.

[194] Oh.

[195] Hello, ladies.

[196] Thanks for helping me get into the mental health headspace before I give ghost chores in Washington, D .C. I had to really dig deep into my memories and my parents for this one, but I hope you enjoy it.

[197] I'm from a small shore town in New Jersey, quiet, your typical suburban, suburbia outside New York City.

[198] It's January of 1998.

[199] I had just turned four the October before and had come down with, I think, with scarlet fever, whatever that is.

[200] So my mom takes me and my then 14 -year -old aunt to her local pharmacy to pick up my prescription.

[201] My mom goes in to pick this up, leaving me and my aunt in the car.

[202] She passes a guy to pay phone.

[203] It was 1998, don't forget.

[204] And who then went into the pharmacy.

[205] My mom gets my medicine and we leave in her strawberry -colored dodge neon again, 1998.

[206] Yes.

[207] The next day, there was a message from the Middletown Police Department looking for me by name.

[208] I repeat, I was four.

[209] With some disease, we thought it had been eradicated in the 19th century.

[210] My mom called them back and they wanted to speak with me. And my mom laughed and said that it would be difficult since I can barely form full sentences.

[211] Turns out they were calling because I, all caps, was the last name on record at the pharmacy that night and their number one suspect.

[212] Um, explained my age and they dropped that angle.

[213] It turns out the guy called from the pay phone in front of the pharmacy and called for a cab to be picked up.

[214] When the cab arrived to pick him up, the guy robbed the driver in his cab behind the pharmacy and stabbed him to death.

[215] Oh, my God.

[216] My family recall it was like for $27 or so.

[217] Oh.

[218] So apparently he killed the car.

[219] have you while mom was in the store, and me and my preteen aunt were parked right around the building in the same parking lot.

[220] It ended up that the guy lived across the street in some sketchy apartments that have since hosted local sex rings and a drug -dealing love trial gone wrong, which coincidentally involved my high school crush.

[221] Guess things don't always go well for the hot quarterback.

[222] Oh no. Supposedly, he ditched the knife in a pond.

[223] I did some digging but couldn't find much, but my parents are pretty sure he was caught.

[224] I hope so.

[225] Yeah, my supposedly quaint home town also claims a man who beat his wife to death with a frying pan and a murdered school teacher.

[226] Between that and all the Trump 2020 signs, you can imagine why I moved to D .C. So anyways, don't just stay sexy and don't get murdered, but don't get suspected of one either.

[227] Oh, my God.

[228] I love the idea that they bring a four -year -old into the lineup.

[229] But the guy in the payphone was the murderer, calling the cab company.

[230] Horrifying.

[231] Also, those kind of.

[232] of random murders are so awful where it's like I'm going to murder a cab driver and get like basically almost no money.

[233] There's some innocent dude who's just fucking trying to make a living.

[234] That's drugs.

[235] That's drugs.

[236] Every time it's somebody that's terribly strung out on drugs and everyone's lives are ruined.

[237] Totally.

[238] It's so fucked up.

[239] Okay.

[240] On a slightly lighter note, all of mine are like purve based this week for some reason.

[241] I've perves in every single one.

[242] Mine's a little more lighthearted the last one.

[243] so okay good great we can go up up up yeah yeah the subject line of this one is the swiss cheese perverts got nothing on this guy okay i'm here dear mfm queens the most powerful of which of which is stephen's mustache how dare you uh parentheses insert whatever compliment would be most flattering to you here i love everything about you so i'm sure it's true thank you it's our teeth well done yes so i bet you receive stories about creepy ride chair experiences all the time but I truly hope, for their sakes, that other listeners haven't had this totally insane experience.

[244] In early September of this year, I had to catch a 7 a .m. flight cross -country for work.

[245] I was cranky because, A, this Sunday flight for work ruined my weekend, and B, it was simply too early to be socializing with other humans.

[246] Nonetheless, I called a lift and got into the assigned red Nissan Cube, red flag number one.

[247] A normal person would never pay money for that monstrosity.

[248] a cube that's editorializing some people some DJ hamsters love it um it was immediately clear that this driver was socially awkward and nervous as he never looked at me either directly or in the rearview mirror absolutely no eye contact at all red flag number two very true also his small talk was abysmal instead of asking me innocuous icebreaker questions he volunteered arbitrary information about himself at random intervals oh dear Red flag number three.

[249] That's so fucking true.

[250] It's like people who don't know how to interact with other people.

[251] They're just like, I talk now.

[252] I talk about this.

[253] My thing.

[254] Now, I only live about 20 minutes from the airport, and though I was annoyed with his fledgling conversational skills, we made it to the 15 -minute mark before I started getting scared.

[255] This driver started telling me a story about a few days before when he'd been sitting on a park bench and saw a baby squirrel fall out of a tree.

[256] He said he searched for its mother, realized it was alone, and found it food to try to keep.

[257] it alive.

[258] This seems like it'd be a nice thing to do.

[259] So I said, that was nice of you.

[260] It is now clear to me that that was the wrong thing to say.

[261] His response was to abruptly lock eyes with me in the rear view mirror without breaking eye contact.

[262] He took one of his hands off the steering wheel and very slowly unzipped a cargo pocket on his pants.

[263] Then he placed his hand back on the wheel and broke eye contact.

[264] Seconds later, a baby squirrel crawled out of the cargo pocket.

[265] A baby squirrel crawled out of his pants.

[266] This is my dream ride.

[267] What are you talking about?

[268] Someone who doesn't talk, doesn't make you talk.

[269] I don't want to fucking talk in a new one.

[270] You're just talking at me. Great.

[271] And then you present me with a baby squirrel.

[272] It's like my birthday.

[273] It was in his pants.

[274] That's, I think that it was in a pants pocket.

[275] Well, true.

[276] I mean, there are many pockets on cargo pants.

[277] How close was this pocket to the crotch?

[278] We're not sure.

[279] Well, it's warm there.

[280] Baby squirrel needs warm.

[281] Okay, sorry, go on.

[282] So, back to the letter, I froze in terror.

[283] The squirrel crawled over the front passenger seat.

[284] As soon as he knew that I'd seen the squirrel, he started turning around a look at me, making as much eye contact as possible as he rapidly asked me personal questions.

[285] Is that building where I picked you up the place where you live?

[286] How old are you?

[287] Do you ride to the airport every Sunday?

[288] Do you think I could give you a ride again sometime?

[289] Oh my God.

[290] That just gave me weird baby squirrel chills.

[291] I lied in response to every single question.

[292] Great job.

[293] Quickly realizing that he was not a socially awkward nerdy guy, but instead he was getting off on trapping me in a car with a squirrel.

[294] He was fidgeting in his seat and moving his hand across his pants in a very specific way.

[295] No, no, no, no. All while stealing glances at me every few seconds to make sure I was still freaked out by the live animal in the car with us.

[296] Needless to say, I got out of the lift at the very first possible door to the airport, grabbing my bag while inside the car so he wouldn't help me. He wouldn't get out to help me with it.

[297] I can confidently say that this was the first time I actually wanted to be in a TSA line.

[298] after my flight, I complained to lift and they refunded me the cost of the ride but I was disappointed that they wouldn't confirm to me whether or not he was fired forced kink participation and possible animal abuse is quite a lot to go through in one car ride stay sexy and be on the lookout for a red Nissan Cube Meredith Oh my God!

[299] Oh shit girl!

[300] That's intense.

[301] That really is.

[302] I'm just going to say humorous and infuriating.

[303] Oh.

[304] Hello, MFFM famine Pets.

[305] In 2007 when I was 21, I was living in northwestern Mississippi with my parents after having moved home for my first attempt at college.

[306] Oh, I'm with you.

[307] One evening, I got pulled over in a small town called Batesville for having no taillight.

[308] I got a ticket, fix the light, and went on about my business.

[309] A few months later, my mom checked the mail and handed me a letter.

[310] The return address was from the Mississippi State Penitentiary, and there was a big red stamp on the envelope that said, inspected.

[311] Immediately, a little freaked out, I opened the letter of the sink, hoping any anthrax or poison or prison dirt would fall into.

[312] the sink and I could immediately wash my hands.

[313] In hindsight, that was probably a bad idea because it would have then gone into the water system, but who's thinking about that when you have prison mail to open?

[314] Luckily, the letter inside wasn't poison, but it was definitely weird as fuck.

[315] The letter was two pages long, front and back and written in pencil.

[316] I forget the man's name, but we will call him Bob for now.

[317] The letter started with, Hello, Miss Watson.

[318] My name is Bob, and yes, I'm a prisoner.

[319] No shit, Bob.

[320] It went on for two pages first explaining that he was incarcerated for grand larceny and the murder of someone he robbed.

[321] He said he had no problem writing out his sentence, but that didn't mean that we couldn't still take opportunities to make money.

[322] He offered for me to go in with him on a totally fucked up plan, where I would take out ads and newspapers for homosexual men to send money for gay porn.

[323] They would send the money to a PO box he already had set up, and we could split the money.

[324] No idea if this porn existed or not, or if he was going to rip them off.

[325] What the fuck?

[326] Yeah.

[327] He then answered the most important question, how did he get my address?

[328] Well, apparently the town of Batesville, Mississippi, where I got that taillight ticket, prints the name, offense, and fucking address of anyone who gets a ticket in the fucking newspaper.

[329] No. The next day I called the Batesdale newspaper and the police station to inquire slash complain about this and was pretty much told that that was policy, and if I don't want my address ran in the newspaper, then I shouldn't get tickets in their town.

[330] I explained that a criminal had gotten a hold of my address from the newspaper and was soliciting illegal business ventures.

[331] And now he knows where I live.

[332] And they just laughed and said, yep, that happens sometimes.

[333] Motherfuckers.

[334] Well, then let's put their address in and see how they feel.

[335] No one cared that I was a 21 -year -old female who commutes alone an hour each way.

[336] And now the entire world has my private info.

[337] I don't know if they still do that, but I sure hope not.

[338] Well, all of that was fucked up.

[339] It did result in a funny saying my mom and I still say to this day when talking about finances.

[340] Bob closed the letter by saying, quote, people can be gay, straight, black or white but money is always green stay saved into God's missions Jess oh my God here's the problem they're using that getting a ticket as some sort of like don't do it again next time yeah if your tail light goes out if you didn't there you can't prepare for that no it's not like she was speeding it's not like she was drunk driving right that's a that the punishment does not fit the crime in that situation it's still also like well you got the ticket So that's the crime.

[341] I mean, that's the punishment.

[342] And she paid for that ticket.

[343] Like, fuck you for then.

[344] Personal address?

[345] Yeah, that's not, that's probably not legal.

[346] I can't imagine it is.

[347] Let's take on an entire city.

[348] Yeah, here we come for you, Batesville.

[349] Home of the Fighting.

[350] Sprangers.

[351] Send us your story, my favorite murder at Gmail.

[352] It's lunchtime for us.

[353] And don't get murdered.

[354] Goodbye.

[355] Elis, do you want a cookie?

[356] Ah!