#2087 - Ron White

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Ron White has brought a wandering puppy into this studio.

[4] She's tangled in the wires now.

[5] Yeah, you know what?

[6] We can just put her out there.

[7] They got new puppies out there.

[8] Let's just put her outside.

[9] She doesn't need to be around these wires.

[10] Let's have her do that and play with the puppy.

[11] Yeah, she'll do that.

[12] How old is she, six months?

[13] Six months.

[14] She's adorable.

[15] What's her name again?

[16] Maddie.

[17] It's just like a rug that shits.

[18] She's what she is, man. She's a little adorable little cutie pie.

[19] Golden doodle, micro golden doodles, what they're calling.

[20] Micro golden doodle.

[21] Yeah.

[22] So that's about how big she's supposed to be.

[23] That's it.

[24] That's the big as they get.

[25] That one's supposed to.

[26] I hope so.

[27] I'm weird.

[28] I still got to cram them on planes and shit when I would travel.

[29] Those things all came for wolves.

[30] Did they really?

[31] Yeah.

[32] I don't know anything about where she comes.

[33] came from.

[34] I got it from a breeder.

[35] All dogs came from wolves.

[36] They did.

[37] It's just incredible that they can get a dog down to that they can, I mean, even a German Shepherd.

[38] Imagine turning a German Shepherd and the Chihuahua.

[39] How?

[40] How do they do that?

[41] I'm glad I'm not the one they're asking how to do it because I would have to say, I have no idea, dude.

[42] I don't even think they know how people did it.

[43] You got two chihuahuas and let them bang.

[44] That's the only, that's the new way.

[45] One of you can go back up to a wolf.

[46] What do you can take Chihuahuas?

[47] And get back, just reverse DNA those things back into a creature.

[48] Yeah.

[49] Make it harder for them to live.

[50] Is it hot in here?

[51] No. It's not?

[52] No. Oh, no. Oh, no. Then I miscalculated something.

[53] I got a miscalculation going on in my head.

[54] No, we're good.

[55] It's like, what is it in here?

[56] 70?

[57] It's cold as shit outside.

[58] Yeah, it is.

[59] I'm up in the air on 22nd floor.

[60] I'm still living in the condo.

[61] it is breezy up there yeah boy you open up that sliding glass door you had a taste of reality you know when a couple days ago we could barely shut it you know or open it it was just so much pressure against it we're in midland on wednesday or thursday night do a show thanks to you if you'd have just let me retire i wouldn't have been in middling in a but i'm sitting on my bus my 60 ,000 pound tour bus and it is shaking in the wind it is blowing so hard and i've owned that 17 years.

[62] I've never felt anything like this.

[63] And it'd just shake it.

[64] And that bus driver had to drive it from there to Houston for the next night's show.

[65] He got up 10 hours later of just rassling that steering wheel trying to keep that thing on the road.

[66] Oh, my God.

[67] His shoulders were killing him.

[68] His back was sore.

[69] It looked like he'd been in a fight all night long.

[70] Ten hours.

[71] What a bus is such a big target for wind, too.

[72] There's so much surface area.

[73] Big old sail.

[74] Yeah.

[75] And, but luckily, they weigh a lot.

[76] So they're 60 ,000 pounds, and, you know, so it's pretty stable compared to a trailer, right, that somebody's pulling.

[77] There's no weight in that.

[78] All that weights right here.

[79] That stuff really blows around worse than we do.

[80] Yeah, I would imagine.

[81] We have got weight distribution.

[82] Just the whole trailer thing.

[83] I know all about this shit.

[84] If you want to know any of it, just ask me questions.

[85] Okay.

[86] All right.

[87] The hinge.

[88] Think of something.

[89] Between the two trailers, if something goes sideways, I would have been connected.

[90] imagine that would be a lot harder to get back on track.

[91] I don't know jack shit about that.

[92] In fact, I don't, in fact, I've owned my bus for 17 years.

[93] I've never driven it one foot.

[94] And if you held a gun to my head and said, I'm going to kill you if you don't move this bus, I'd say, you're going to have to kill me, dude, because I don't even know how to start it.

[95] I've never been curious.

[96] I'm not that kind of person.

[97] I would have jet for years.

[98] I never went in the cockpit.

[99] I couldn't tell you what goes on up there.

[100] I'm sure there people up there knew how to flew a plane, fly a plane.

[101] But I've never started it.

[102] I've never moved it.

[103] I've had cops bang on.

[104] You've got to move it.

[105] You're blocking an alley.

[106] I'm sorry, dude, you got the wrong guy.

[107] And the guy that says the driver is asleep right now because he's got to drive tomorrow night.

[108] So it's kind of sitting where it's sitting unless you guys want to tow it.

[109] You've had that happen?

[110] Yeah.

[111] Oh.

[112] Yeah, because drivers can only drive so long.

[113] Yeah, well, you drive 500 miles and then they go on overdrive.

[114] So they make the same for the next couple of hours that they're.

[115] made for the whole day so they like that but you but there are laws against how much that they can run without without needing some rest and we run that bus at night so you know they got to sleep during the day you're banking on people being able to stay awake people fall asleep at the wheel sometimes yeah you got to go you got to go with super pros and pay them well you know because those guys understand the the how important it is you know they you got everything on this thing yeah you know my life my friends lives you know yeah uh and my family you know that's who I've spent the most time with in the last, whatever, 30 years.

[116] And, you know, so you get a pro that knows how to sleep, knows how to do it, knows how to work it, knows how to work those hours.

[117] And, you know, I got a great guy now that I just picked up, named Steve, who used to work for Prevost fixing them.

[118] And a friend of Patz, who built the bus, so I got the bus covered, man. That's nice.

[119] Because you got, like, a little traveling apartment.

[120] Yeah, it's the spot.

[121] It's the greatest.

[122] You ought to get one.

[123] In fact, I was looking at them another day for you.

[124] I did.

[125] I'm not getting one of those.

[126] You ought to.

[127] You got a place to store it, park it in one of your gyms.

[128] No. Just the thought of traveling around on highways while you're just kind of, you're hoping all these other people around you can keep their shit together.

[129] Right.

[130] You just have regular people, not pilots, regular people driving.

[131] driving multi -thousand -pound machines on rubber tires weaving in and out of lanes yeah you can't ever come on my bus with thoughts like that spewing them out there I'll never sleep again you're ruining for everybody I just caught in front of me the other day didn't see me on the highway I don't think I think he just cut right in front of me and I was like wow never saw you I don't think he saw me I think he just turned in my lane I think you know it was a left lane thing he was going into the left lane I just don't think he saw me I you know the problem with that with that bus is that you get so used to it and you're so used to living on it when it's moving and you kind of forget that you're standing there but you're really going 70 miles an hour so if something happens and this happened one time we were in Orlando and it was actually a cop that did it cut in front of the bus I'm standing there washing dishes or whatever I was doing and then Pat's got to hit the brakes and turn to the left from going for now I'm going 70 miles an hour I'm still going 70 miles an hour but he's going 52 and going that way and i'm going 70 miles an hour this way and uh i landed on this chair which looks padded but it doesn't feel padded when you hit it and uh i thought i would never walk again or breathe again after i just walked away from and i wouldn't even hurt but uh you got to sit down and remember hey this thing's moving right so if something happens you got to be ready for it to happen yeah and i sleep like a baby on it so that's crazy The fact, I spend too much time on it.

[132] I got to hire somebody to shake my bed when I'm at home just a little bit so I feel like I'm moving down.

[133] If we wanted to look at the bright side of human beings, highways are a pretty good indicator that people, for the most part, keep it together, for the most part.

[134] I think that's really how you can really tell when you're back in America and how good we are at putting a country together, you know, is how good our roads are compared to, you know, it's really funny if you cross the bridge from Reno's of Mexico to Macau and Texas, which I used to do all the time.

[135] It was a joint project, so the U .S. built half the bridge, Mexico built half the bridge.

[136] And I'm not being a racist and I love Mexican people.

[137] I just got back from Mexico City.

[138] But our side of the bridge is smooth as silk and as soon as you hit that river.

[139] boom boom boom boom but that just goes to what you just said it's it's a mark of what you've achieved as a as a civilization the kind of road work that you've got and you get back to texas where we got those u -turn lanes on the freeway we got it figured out here in texas man we got the best roads ever best roads ever it's just just counting on all those people to keep their shit together all the time while you're driving on the highway and most people do it most people do it most Most people, the vast majority of us, keep our shit together.

[140] That's why I think bus drivers should make more than pilots because there's way more shit to run into.

[141] Oh, yeah, way more.

[142] And way more things that can make mistakes that are all around.

[143] Right, you're right.

[144] Things that are completely out of your control.

[145] That isn't going on up in the sky there.

[146] There's also people play stupid road games.

[147] I'm sure you've seen those.

[148] People get aggressive with each other on the road.

[149] When you're in a car, and this was explained to me, I forget who told us.

[150] who told us this with the reason why road rage really exists at such a hyper level is because you're really tuned in because you're driving the car it's an extraordinary thing you're you're really you know things are happening fast so your mind's tuned in so any little thing like what the fuck yeah right you're already at like seven right and so when you're already at seven and something happens it just it freaks you out it's amazing you know it's amazing how even headed I think I am but what really little it takes to set me off you know i like to think i'm a step above all that stuff but i was in mexico city the other day and this guy i needed to find something um a pharmacy and so this guy was a bit it's in the nice beverly hills part of mexico city and this guy's walking he's got a business suit on and i literally i don't look that great my hair is all over the place and uh i said uh can you tell me where a pharmacy and the guy didn't even look at me you just kept on running i said please could you just tell me where a pharmacy is and the guy didn't even look at me I said, fuck, you know, I went off on the fucking guy, you know.

[151] He just tried to get where he was going and didn't want to be stopped by some big hairy, drug -addicted -looking thing, you know, that was coming at him for questions.

[152] You do look a little sketchy.

[153] Like, if you're asking for where the pharmacy is and I don't know who you are.

[154] Right.

[155] I can see some suspicious thoughts.

[156] And I'm basically wearing pajamas and, you know, the wind's blowing.

[157] But that's how far I am away from really snapping.

[158] And I'm not hovering above anything, I don't think.

[159] There was always the joke that you'd go to pharmacies in Mexico and just buy anything.

[160] Is that true?

[161] Because people would always say that.

[162] They would call them, like, Mexican.

[163] I was always calling them Mexican supplements.

[164] Yeah.

[165] Like steroids and things that people could buy over there.

[166] I think, you know, there are some things that you can get, like, volume and stuff like that.

[167] But you can't go down there and get, like, opioids or, you know, I don't think so.

[168] I don't know.

[169] I don't know.

[170] I'm just, I mean, according to a few tickets.

[171] Talk videos I've seen.

[172] You can walk in and get lots of, like, steroid type stuff for sure.

[173] I'm looking on it, like, for some...

[174] Yeah, you can get HGH and stuff like that, but that's not what you're talking about.

[175] I'm talking about everything.

[176] Like, what can you get?

[177] Yeah, yeah, no, I don't think it's really that open a book.

[178] I know you can get cheap dental care down there.

[179] But I think they decriminalized a lot of things in Mexico fairly recently.

[180] This isn't anything that crazy.

[181] You can get that stuff here.

[182] Lexapro.

[183] So you could just go in with no prescription and buy...

[184] Biagra.

[185] But the weird ones are like Lexaport.

[186] pro isn't that that's like an antidepressant right i have no idea what that is you just go buy penicillin yeah and why not i mean why should you have to go through it if you know if you need penicillin your dick's dripping you know get some get something for it you know go down there and patch it up you don't want to you don't want to admit it to anybody that thing is a viagra it's a blue pill itself oh that's hilarious look at the dick on it what does it say macho caliente very hot that's what that means very hot it's a pharmacy with a dude with a boner he's got he's got abs too he's got a little gut but he's got it's like a mix between me and rogan he's got a big old fucking upper body and a gut hanging down there it's a human viagra pill with a boner at a pharmacy and it's a brero yeah i don't it's too bad you can't see this oh i guess some people watch this on television yeah what's some of them too yeah isn't that thing from like the ancient times yes it is but it's also i think it's a sleeping okay right but it's right next to a bottle of shampoo right Or that's this lotion, body lotion.

[187] Isn't it kind of ironic that so is soma, is it sleeping medication?

[188] Fun of what it is.

[189] Because the original soma was like from muscle relaxer.

[190] Muscle relaxer.

[191] So the original soma, they don't even know what it was.

[192] They've just, there's all sorts of questions as to what it was.

[193] They think it had something to do with mushrooms perhaps, but it might have been a bunch of other psychedelics too.

[194] They don't know what it was.

[195] I still don't know what it is.

[196] Have you heard the term?

[197] No. You never heard of it.

[198] the term soma it's like an ancient term for like some sort of a magical elixir am i saying that right yeah i mean this when i google it says it itself is also a god so i don't even some drink is most famous i want some yeah ancient indian drug soma this is right down my alley made from a plant called soma is a god and a drink that was used as an offering to the gods in some vedic rituals Soma was celebrated at an early period as shown in the hymns of the Rig Veda Wow From when?

[199] They don't really Oh fucking thousands years ago When was that And they still use this today?

[200] No, it's just, you know, it's It's used as like a term As like a Soma is like a thing that cures all A Soma is a thing that clears minds This isn't say It's just a Some, you know There's various interpretations to what it does but it's kind of crazy that they named a muscle relax in that like how brazen how brazen i bet you do feel better though overall yeah my muscles are pretty relaxed all the time yours aren't you you need to muscle relax what do those do to you they just conk you out they make me play better golf because it takes the tension out of my shoulders and my swing yeah a lot of a lot of golfers use all kinds of meds to get loose or they actually go down the in a stretch lab and get those muscles all stretched out so you can play.

[201] I've heard with pool players, Perkissettes is a big one.

[202] Well, that's all nerves, right?

[203] I mean, if you can't...

[204] Is that what Perkinson's doing?

[205] Well, yeah, I think so.

[206] You know, calm your nerves in there, or deaden them or whatever, you know?

[207] I've never taken it.

[208] I've been watching this, there's a pool player that comes up on my feed now, and he's like an old kind of chubby, fat Mexican -looking guy.

[209] And he's like the greatest pool player that ever lived, you know?

[210] is that who it is from the philippines fuck man yeah i've been watching that guy play a little bit once it gets on my ticot it starts feeding to me if i know i eat it you know they'll go here have another one have another one but i like watching the guy play fucking pool i'm just like god he's he's fearless he's got ice water just pumping through his veins you know he's a wizard man like a real wizard he does things on a pool table there he is yeah that guy right there that guy's all over my ticot feed now i can't get him off He does things on a pool table that are, like, magical.

[211] How old is he?

[212] Well, he's older now.

[213] You know, he's probably in his late, yeah, like 69 says.

[214] And he's old for pool play?

[215] He still plays all the time.

[216] They live stream videos of him playing people down to the Philippines.

[217] That's what I'm getting, I think.

[218] Yeah, so they have these setups.

[219] Like, Effron Reyes is, you know, really arguably the greatest pool player in the history of pool players.

[220] and he's now still playing all the time online and he plays online and he's not as good as he was when he was in his prime because he's, you know, he's 69 years old is a young man's game.

[221] Look at that.

[222] I know I played pool my whole life.

[223] We had a pool table at my house when I was a kid.

[224] And so I always like watching, you know, trick players and people that could, you know, run the table and do weird shots and stuff like that.

[225] This guy changed the way people stroke the ball.

[226] He came along and he had this very loose and relaxed hand grip on the cue.

[227] Right.

[228] Whereas some of the American players, they were a little too tight with their hand on the cue.

[229] And Efford came along and it was like this flowing sort of like almost like he was playing a musical instrument.

[230] Right.

[231] And the way he did it is so relaxed that his stroke, like the way the cue ball would dance around the table was wild to watch, man. Right.

[232] Maybe that's what I'm so intrigued about because I don't know exactly what I'm seeing, but I was watching it on that, and you can see he does have a different motion into the ball even looks like, you know, with that.

[233] Well, you've played pool before.

[234] Yeah.

[235] Right?

[236] So if you play pool before, you know, like, when someone looks like they're good.

[237] Yeah.

[238] Like, oh, that guy looks like you can play pool.

[239] You watch that guy, and you're like, oh, this is like a completely different kind of thing.

[240] And then you would guess that I would guess if I saw him on the street that I could beat him at pool.

[241] And then he would have all my money And I would go, what the fuck happened to me just now?

[242] They brought him over to America Under a fake name to hustle with him They brought him over as Caesar Morales So these backers They came from the Philippines These dudes of big money And they came to America And they brought that dude No shit Yeah, that's their killer And they brought him The pool world is so sneaky That they brought him in under a fake name Because they didn't want people to ask around back to the Philippines like people to make calls to the Philippines hey who's this half from Reyes guy and then everybody would just say oh he's the best he's the best so instead they just came up with a name season Morales and he won this giant tournament as Caesar Morales it's like a famous no shit I have it on a t -shirt that Morales stuns field at Reds so they just bring him in to like the biggest pool tournament in the country and this guy's just robbing everybody just robbing everybody Just getting out in ways that people are like, oh, my God.

[243] Like his stroke, his knowledge, and where the ball's going, the creativity.

[244] Just a genius.

[245] Genius, a virtuoso.

[246] Yeah.

[247] Well, I actually knew nothing about it, except my phone figured out that I liked watching him.

[248] Right.

[249] But you can still tell.

[250] Yeah.

[251] You can still, even though you don't play a lot of pool, you look at that, you can tell.

[252] You're like, wow.

[253] That's wild.

[254] Yeah, I never played a lot of pool.

[255] I was never good.

[256] I never had a good eye for the game.

[257] I played a lot so I could play, you know, I could beat my friends.

[258] Yeah.

[259] But if somebody came in, it was like ping pong.

[260] I could beat the guys on my blog pretty bad, but if somebody came in that was a player, they could just push me around and shove me out of the door.

[261] I've had a couple fun opportunities to play, like, real pros here.

[262] Like this guy, Fader Gorsed, he's probably number two or number three in the world.

[263] Incredible player.

[264] And me and him played for hours here.

[265] when we're playing it's just it's wild just to watch them in up close do things you go what the fuck like how are you doing that so effortlessly yeah it's like watching a professional golfer when you play golf you know the smoothness and the precision it's just like fuck man yeah as i watch the pro golfers and i get to play with them every once in a while and it's actually kind of like that guy's loose thing you know that's how that golf swing is it's really loose and it's and nothing's really connected hard to anything and just the way it comes through the ball it's something magic happens yeah it's a i'm trying to strangle the club and beat it to death and it doesn't work at all and i'm writing a book right now 50 years of bad golf how i did it and uh like a i had a plan to do it this bad for so long tony says you play good no i i i'm back like i'm like i'm like i was at anything i can i can beat guys my age if you don't know me and we're playing golf together I'll kick your ass but but am I a player now there are guys 10 years older than me that can beat me to death on a golf course you know any of those old pro guys that I hook up with every once in a while daily can still beat me like a drum but isn't it interesting it's like there's a control of a game like that what an extraordinary talent because it's so variable there's so many things going on you literally do never do same thing twice the whole time you play golf your whole life because something's going to be different about the wind and the way and the where you want the kind of lie you got on the ground what club you need to get to that and it's all a game of questions and you and you rarely have the answer even ben hogan who was arguably the best ball striker ever said that in an average day of golf he hits two shots the way you wanted to exactly and the rest of them are close to that You know, so his misses are really good.

[266] So if I hit one shot a month, that I'll go, that was perfect.

[267] And that's about how often I can do it.

[268] Everything else is pretty good.

[269] It's such a fascinating game.

[270] Yeah, you don't have the time.

[271] Nope.

[272] You don't have the time.

[273] Nope, nope, I don't.

[274] No. I'm scared of it.

[275] I'm scared I'd love it.

[276] You would.

[277] But you've always had that position, right?

[278] always kind of look to the golfs.

[279] That's a, that's what people that want to get into golf, they think about starting.

[280] It's a waste of time and money.

[281] You need to understand that going into it.

[282] More time than you can ever imagine.

[283] And you have to settle with how good you want to be because to be better than that, you've got to spend hours and hours.

[284] But you can just, if you can want to just rake it around, gamble with your friends, you know, you don't have to practice all that much.

[285] I knew quite a few comic buddies that I think lost a little inspiration in their career because they were spending so much time playing golf.

[286] Well, that's how I killed my days, and I still do to this day.

[287] You know, when I was on the road like you were, I don't know what you were doing during the day, but I was trading tickets for free golf, schmoozing wherever I could.

[288] So you just play everywhere you go.

[289] Yeah, we still do.

[290] You know, that's nice.

[291] We travel at night, wake up at a golf course, crawl out, you're in the parking lot.

[292] You know, it's like you were FedExed over there.

[293] That's great.

[294] crawl out of the box and play some golf, you know.

[295] Kill another day.

[296] I'm killing another day.

[297] You're over here building an empire.

[298] I'm killing another day.

[299] Yeah, but killing another day is sweet.

[300] Yeah.

[301] Do you do it that way?

[302] I mean, what is life?

[303] What is life, if not enjoyment?

[304] It's all about love.

[305] Yeah.

[306] It's all about love.

[307] How much do you love?

[308] How much care you loved?

[309] You know, outside of that, nothing really means much.

[310] But, uh, yeah.

[311] But that's, you know, I, it's, you know, I, it's, it's a waste of time or whatever i could do charity events with golf people like to see me you know shake hands and i like doing that kind of stuff so you know well you just love the game i do love you love talking about it i watch it you know it's because i play it you know like like you in fighting you know exactly because you know exactly what that is that they're doing you can't even hardly explain it to me uh even when you're trying to to make me really understand what's going on exactly when two guys are on the ground and it looks like nothing's happening and and then you're losing your mind because there's so many things happening.

[312] That's a hard one to explain, too, because I'm trying to explain it while it's actually happening, so I have to have the path carved out in my head, especially on some transitions that guys do, when they go and mount to rear naked choke, and I'm trying to, like, set up what he's going to do while not stepping on what they're doing, you know, and then it's like this weird dance with the description of what's happening in real time.

[313] Right, that's why nobody can ever take your job.

[314] God, a lot of guys can do that.

[315] No, that's not true.

[316] A lot of guys can do that.

[317] That's not true.

[318] No, those guys are awesome at it.

[319] If Rogan doesn't say it, it doesn't get said, and that's true.

[320] That's how people feel, you know.

[321] They sit around waiting for you to tell them what to think and do as far as fighting goes.

[322] That's ridiculous.

[323] No, there's guys that are better at it than me. Like Dominic Cruz is better at it from a tactical standpoint than me. You know, he's had, he was a UFC champion.

[324] He's had a shit ton of fights.

[325] He knows a lot about the technical.

[326] details but he's not but he's not Joe Rogan so it's not as fun to hear yeah for me the fun I get it but for me the fun is the fight the fun is the you know the who the fuck knows what's going to happen you can you can tell that you can see the joy in your face that it brings you with you know with all these these fucking events well you're getting to see the literally the greatest fist fighters of all time the greatest stand -up ground fighting MMA Fighting warriors of all time.

[327] They exist right now.

[328] It's pretty exciting.

[329] And I get that, and I get that it's the ultimate sport.

[330] Okay, I'll fight you.

[331] You know, that's how war should be decided.

[332] One guy and one guy.

[333] Instead of, we're going to take our lower middle class, put them in a field with your lower middle class.

[334] They're going to kill each other.

[335] Yeah.

[336] You ought to just fight me in the fucking alley.

[337] That's too difficult, wrong wife.

[338] So they'd rather just fight you with narratives.

[339] Right.

[340] fight you with mandates but you know me i won't listen to their narratives yeah that's how i defend myself i don't i'm really careful about what information i let in my head because i don't know what's going to stew around in there i hear you man i hear you especially in this day and age and also there's like there's so much to worry about every fucking time i get on the news and i start reading what's happening in the world every day it's something new that's insane that you have to worry about i know and that's why i'm just real careful about what news I let in my head you know and I don't let it in and I've got you know I've got news feeds on my phone that are these are news organizations that I trust that if something wacko in the world is going to happen it's news and they're going to pick it up and but if it's something completely unverifiable that I don't even need to fucking know they're not going to pick it up and so but if I know when people go down that fucking dark road in the web they come out on the other side And sometimes they're, you can't get them back.

[341] You know, they're full -blown.

[342] I got frantic when I came back full -blown Q &ON.

[343] They believed it.

[344] Satan, they're Satan worshipping cabal of Democrats that eat babies.

[345] I'm like, where are all the missing babies?

[346] You know, how many babies does it take to feed all the Democrats?

[347] If they're all drinking the blood and the babies, they're going to be some missing babies, right?

[348] Somewhere?

[349] No, no, yeah, they're from overseas.

[350] They've got some answer to anything you throw out of them.

[351] Tom Hanks, I'm like, that's not true.

[352] Tom Hanks still making movies.

[353] Tom Hanks didn't eat a baby.

[354] Yeah, he did.

[355] And they believe it.

[356] Where the Tom Hanks one come from?

[357] I don't know.

[358] Where did that one come from?

[359] It's just straight out of Q and on.

[360] It was their basic doctrine in the beginning was all this bizarre claims.

[361] And I got a friend that's, well, you met her, and I'm not going to say her name, but it's, I mean, she believes this with all of her heart.

[362] Right.

[363] All of her heart.

[364] And there's nothing I can do to say, you know, nothing I can do, nothing I can do, change your mind.

[365] I think at least a certain portion of that is other governments fucking with people in these chat rooms and message boards.

[366] And you can sway the uninformed.

[367] They're not uninformed, they're misinformed.

[368] Yeah.

[369] They're informed, you know, they're taking in information.

[370] But it's just the wrong information.

[371] You can be easily manipulated by that kind of stuff.

[372] I mean, the human nature wants to go where it finds comfort, you know.

[373] Yeah.

[374] And if somebody's feeding you what you eat, you'll go that way, you know, even if it's not good for you.

[375] And people have a very strong desire to, like, uncover mysteries.

[376] Right.

[377] You know, very strong desire to get to the truth.

[378] Yeah.

[379] Because in an important situation, like, if there's something real going on, that's a good quality.

[380] It's a good quality to have, but if it's, you know, they're eating babies, it's like, okay, what's the benefit eating babies?

[381] Like, why are they doing this?

[382] Oh, yeah, it gives them some kind of superpower, you know.

[383] It's so bizarre and so off of any, what I would consider, realm of possibility, even part of it being true.

[384] But, you know, people go down there and they'll see just a path of things that lead them, you know, some of it true, some of it not true, not true, not true.

[385] They'll head off down that direction.

[386] They don't come back, you know.

[387] It can separate families, man. You know, we don't talk to Grandpa anymore.

[388] He's gone off the fucking deep end.

[389] And you know what's really insidious about that?

[390] Is that the more crazy ones that are out there and the more people start linking them all together, the more real conspiracies sneak through.

[391] Because if you're, if you wanted to hide a real conspiracy, I would hide it in a bunch of other boys.

[392] bullshit conspiracies.

[393] I put a bunch of bullshit ones out there.

[394] Sure.

[395] And I'd make it so that morons believe that Michelle Obama has a dick.

[396] I would just pump it out everywhere.

[397] I'd make fake videos.

[398] And that's what, that's exactly what's going on.

[399] That's what's going on.

[400] But if you did that, though, then you could sneak in some real conspiracies and that otherwise people would think, well, that's outrageous.

[401] That kind of corruption would be uncovered.

[402] Right.

[403] That kind of corruption would be prosecuted.

[404] And you're like, wait, no one's going to anybody's.

[405] getting busted for this?

[406] Right.

[407] Right.

[408] And nobody is.

[409] Right.

[410] So it's not really happening.

[411] It's bananas.

[412] And also people want to, you know, I know because somebody that has no formal education, right?

[413] I don't have any formal education.

[414] I didn't make it through high school.

[415] My favorite joke that I ever wrote was I do have a GED.

[416] And if you don't know what GED stands for, you've probably got one too.

[417] That's one of my favorite jokes.

[418] But, you know, they would love to have.

[419] have the answer to a question.

[420] You know, they would love to be able to make a point of some kind.

[421] You know, they would love to, but they can't because they're, you know, they're just around watching other people do it.

[422] And I wish I could think of something to say.

[423] And I can't think of anything to say.

[424] Well, if there's somebody feeding them something to say, now they get real loud about it.

[425] Right.

[426] Because they have a point to make, even though they don't understand it at all.

[427] They just know how to sound like they're making a point like Lauren Bobard or, you know, or Marjorie, Taylor Green, or whoever.

[428] that's who they were and now they feel like they can make a point so they'll be real fucking loud about it but if you've actually been around a while you just sit around and shake your head and go you're a goddamn idiot but all you got to do is be the smartest person in your region and boom you're in Congress you know they think she's smart as fuck down there and that one little section of Georgia where my tailor's out of the problem with it is like how many people that you know want to run the government.

[429] How many people do you know?

[430] How many, I mean, how many people that you know that are like really healthy, clear thinking, business -minded people that have been successful that want to run the government?

[431] Nobody.

[432] So you're not getting any of those folks.

[433] No, you're not.

[434] And what you're going to get is you're going to get their money to influence things in the direction they'd like to see it go without them having to be there doing day -to -day stuff on it.

[435] They have influence on it, but do they want to be the president of the United States?

[436] Do they have it set up like a minor league?

[437] Like they groom politicians.

[438] They get them to a position and like, I like how you stand on this.

[439] But maybe if you stood a little bit further on this line, we could support you on this.

[440] And then they start grooming them for the big stage, just like you would do with like regional plays and all of a sudden you're on Broadway.

[441] Right.

[442] Well, you know, that's the religious right.

[443] You know, they wanted somebody, they wanted to get rid of abortion.

[444] So what are they going to do?

[445] They got to stack those courts.

[446] What are you going to do?

[447] You're going to, okay, we got, there's a trillion of us, and we'll put you in office, and we'll be, but you've got to put this judge here and this judge there.

[448] So what our thing comes to pass?

[449] So that's just the way it works.

[450] I'm even more cynical.

[451] I just can't believe that human beings as a whole haven't resolved a bunch of different things.

[452] There's a bunch I don't believe are really coming back around I think people are making this argument that they're coming back around and they're highlighting moments where it's coming back around coming back around to what?

[453] I just don't I just I mean I think this is one of the weirdest times ever for human beings to communicate and I think because there's so many of us and there's so many people that are talking and there's so many voices and it's happening on everyone's phone and it's happening all over the fucking world all at once.

[454] Never been like this ever in the history and it makes you wonder where it's going.

[455] I think it's short -circuiting everything.

[456] I do too.

[457] It's short -circuiting our government, it's short -circuiting.

[458] It makes me nervous.

[459] One of the things that makes me nervous this government that we have it's complicated.

[460] It is complicated.

[461] So you just can't be some douchebag on the side going I want them out of there.

[462] You got to have a plan because this thing's got to work.

[463] You don't want, you don't want, Jeff, separation of church and state?

[464] Well, why don't you just move to Iran then?

[465] Because that's what happened over there.

[466] The religious right took over.

[467] Now our laws are your laws.

[468] That used to be a pretty normal place.

[469] People don't believe that.

[470] But Iran used to be fucking strawberry rivers and shit and normal people with jobs.

[471] Ron, there were people that were willing to laugh at people's deaths because they they didn't want to get vaccinated for COVID.

[472] There were people like that at the same time thinking they're good people.

[473] Yeah.

[474] All on the Internet.

[475] I know.

[476] I know.

[477] You know, when it came to all that stuff, you know, me, I don't talk about politics on stage.

[478] And I never knew and I never will.

[479] And it's not, oh, you just want to be able to sell tickets to both people.

[480] But no, I want stand -up comedy to be a place where we can laugh.

[481] And I'm going to do what I, you know, so I'm not going to take a position.

[482] did.

[483] If I was a political commentator before, okay, that's fine.

[484] If I'm not Bill Maher.

[485] So I don't bring it into my show because I want us all to come in and just be able to fucking laugh together and find out how much that matters.

[486] And at the end of my shows now, I'm reminding people that no matter what our differences are, we just still came to this room and we all laughed at the same thing and we laughed hard and we loved each other and we had a great experience.

[487] Let's remember that.

[488] Let's it's like fake rivalries almost it's like it's not like uh you know texas and oklahoma they're they're the same place exactly there's no difference between those two places and they act like well we're oklahoma you're and somebody put that in their head you know and what i was getting that was that if they're willing to do that over just some issue of whether you want to or don't want to get a vaccine what would they do if they really believe that god was on their side What would they do in a really bad...

[489] Anything they could.

[490] When things go really bad.

[491] Anything they could.

[492] When the power goes out for a while.

[493] Anything they could.

[494] Yeah.

[495] And justify it.

[496] And that's what's dangerous, is they genuinely do believe that.

[497] Yes.

[498] That we would be better off if we did things like this, for sure, under these laws of God in this book.

[499] When Jesus would get back to his basic teachings that I really done.

[500] you know which is love each other love love love and wait a minute that was winning but still jesus was saying a similar song about you know uh and and with a good positive message and that message was always of love you know back when i went to church and uh you know my uncle's still a preacher to this day dr charles pollard still preaching to the american indians out in farming to new mexico for no money you know has 23 people about at every service and then he goes to jails and he's 90 years old, you know, still working to this day, still knocking it out for the Lord.

[501] And he used to be the president of the Southern Baptist Convention, my uncle did.

[502] So that was a very powerful position.

[503] And then he fell out of favor with him because he just didn't believe in some of the doctorate.

[504] And then he started, he showed up in my grandmother's birthday party on a Harley with no shirt on.

[505] I'm like, oh, no, Uncle Charlie's gone nuts.

[506] so he went down at corpus i think it was and he started this kind of the gospel according to charlie thing and then it was just a kind of a phase he went through and then he you know but now he he's uh still believes in that basic doctrine and uh and i love him to death he's one of my favorite people i'll talk to him all day long you know i just he's a treasure really is and just a sweetheart of a guy all about you know love and sweetness that's awesome his wife died and uh and i asked him i said did your knowledge of uh of god and jesus and did that help you with her death and he goes nope not a bit it hurt and it hurt and i hated and i didn't understand it i was like everybody else you know you know didn't even help so now but that's just how honest he is Wow.

[507] Uncle Charlie.

[508] Isn't it fascinating how much religion's practiced by so many different people in so many different ways?

[509] And yet, if someone tried to start a new one right now, good fucking luck.

[510] Good luck.

[511] The feds would investigate you immediately.

[512] If you start your own religion, if you bought some land out on Bastrop.

[513] Right.

[514] And the Ron White Church.

[515] And you're already thinking about doing this, aren't you?

[516] You're just putting my name on it.

[517] I know what you're doing.

[518] I'm not interested in any.

[519] of those activities.

[520] I'm not either.

[521] But if you did...

[522] I would get my uncle to come run it.

[523] They would, but you would 100 % get investigated.

[524] Oh, yeah, I would.

[525] But if you wanted to open up a Catholic church, if you said you converted to Catholicism, and you wanted to open up Ron White's Catholic Church, they'd be like, oh, with a mission and a respectable position to take, Ron.

[526] Good, good for you.

[527] Congratulations on converting.

[528] It's hard to get new money.

[529] Yeah, you can't start up.

[530] You can't be a startup in the religion world.

[531] I think that's what Charlie found out.

[532] You've got to be a hook to a brand of some sort.

[533] You have to be in business with the big guys.

[534] You can't, I mean, like Scientology, that's, you could, you can get wild and go with them or, you know, Mormons.

[535] You can get wild, go with them.

[536] But if you just want to, like, go, like, straight Christian, they're like a very acceptable pathway.

[537] Yeah, you, and you, and I can get a long way.

[538] If you're Scientology, that one's really hard for me to swallow, but it's hard.

[539] It is just difficult.

[540] Let me ask you this.

[541] Like what are the standards?

[542] Like say if you wanted to start a church, like if you were legitimately committed to the Bible and you became like a Bible scholar.

[543] But all you've really done is write science fiction novels.

[544] No, no, no, no. That's that guy.

[545] That's the Scientology guy.

[546] But I'm saying if you wanted to start a church, like a church, a Christian church, what would be the requirements?

[547] If you just say, you know, I've been studying the Bible for 10 years, I want to teach at a church.

[548] Could you just open up a church?

[549] how does that work i don't you're you're asking me this like i've done it but stop i'm trying to get you to do it that's the next thing that's the next thing yeah i know what you're up to that's how you manipulate people joe that's how they built his empire by the way you look like a jesus type figure what are the requirements jamie if i if you wanted to start the church of jami perfect question for chat gpt i thought so i asked chat gpt and there are 12 steps that gave me 12 steps determine your purpose and beliefs clearly define the purpose and beliefs of your church this your mission, vision, and core doctrines.

[550] Okay.

[551] Two, legal structure.

[552] Choose a legal structure for your church.

[553] Options may include becoming a nonprofit organization, establishing a religious corporation, or forming a religious association.

[554] Consult legal experts to determine the best structure for your situation.

[555] Name it.

[556] Okay.

[557] So it seems like you just have to, like, get a legal thing.

[558] You know, like you would, like some sort of an LLC or something.

[559] What do you want is the tax -exempt status, and the rest of it doesn't really matter.

[560] or get that tax -exempt status, then you can start hoarding wealth under the name of Jesus Christ of the Latter -day Saints or whatever, and you can hold all these billions of dollars in real estate holdings all under that tax -exempt status.

[561] If they start, you know, this is the only thing that gets me going, is big church, big church.

[562] We need to tax big church.

[563] And those pastors, those mega -churches, they need to be looked at under the biggest, brightest light you can look at Joel Olstein.

[564] Fuck you, Olstein.

[565] I tried.

[566] He said it right here first.

[567] Now, the mattress max makes a much better to me. If you want an example of how Christ wanted us to live, it would be Mattress Max and not Joel Olstein.

[568] I don't know who Mattis Max.

[569] Well, he's the guy that bets 10 million bucks on the Astros every year and wins.

[570] This is how he got famous.

[571] mattress max right there he during the big floods in houston that just a few years ago when uh here's two things that happened mattress max people were literally dying in the street mattress max on huge furniture stores come up here he opened him up sleep on them couches i don't care and i'll find a way to make food for you guys and i mean people bringing hot dogs and shit down there making everybody food slept just make sure you're comfortable make sure you're safe and uh and look at it this is it all these people over at mattress max's furniture store he brought in everybody he could but joel oldstein wouldn't even let him in the door because they just had the carpetsry done at his cathedral church and he didn't want people track and shit in there didn't he eventually give in though and let people stay there i don't think so i thought he did well if he did it did it for the wrong reason right mattress max did that for the right reason these people needed to get in out of the cold and nor wet and whatever there he is there he is he defended not opening lakewood church in houston to harvey victims he defended it yeah yeah because of that carpet was just cleaned and look at him bro that's so crazy yeah first of all you it's it's it's so obvious like doing something like that is so obvious you have a private jet that's it's so obvious you have a mansion it's so obvious how much does that watch this is so obvious what are you doing so obvious this this is not it did eventually correct correct way like do you see even weeks after that post the super duper rich church guy it's a fucking crazy thing you know and you know that I could do it I could totally do it that would be my calling that's what I'm saying you should do it and I'm not that doesn't mean I should do it yes listen if you do it we'll all join we all get tax -free something we'll work something out right and it'll just be us and that's why they've got many votes can we bring the 11 million people that listen to your show under yeah everybody under one umbrella come on guys come on get behind this we don't even know what it is yet but we're going to let you know that's the thing you could never do today like imagine trying to start a new country today fuck you we would never let you no no we'd thumb you yeah yeah get the fuck out of here It's like, just like you're trying to start a new religion.

[572] Uh -uh.

[573] Nope.

[574] Nope.

[575] No new countries, no new religions.

[576] We're not hearing it.

[577] Religions have to be old as fuck, so they might be true.

[578] Right.

[579] Or at least have some kind of connection to some really ancient text.

[580] Yeah.

[581] Or this, you know, the Scientology one, they just threatened to sue.

[582] That was a genius move.

[583] What they did was amazing.

[584] They threatened thousands of lawsuits.

[585] Everyone was going to file a lawsuit.

[586] They're all lawyers.

[587] The same with those fucking Latter -day Saints, guys.

[588] Those are, you've got a bunch of lawyers.

[589] You've got to give it up to them.

[590] That's pretty ball.

[591] Yeah.

[592] And you're selling a something that's not easy to sell.

[593] You know, that's got a, that story, I mean, none of it is.

[594] You know, the stories I believe.

[595] Well, that's why I wrote that beautiful joke that didn't work the other day and about the Christians and the lines.

[596] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[597] And let me break that down for your listeners.

[598] Because I'm writing, apparently I'm writing my worst stuff right now, because now I can write stuff that nobody will laugh at out of 250 people, 250 people don't laugh.

[599] But when I was a kid, I was raised in the Baptist Church.

[600] Uncle Charlie, my preacher, when I was little.

[601] And so, but there was a storybook.

[602] It wasn't the Bible, but it was just something we got in Sunday school and depicted Christians being fed to the lions, which always stuck in my craw that that was a big story, a big deal.

[603] I mean, you know, I know we've all been.

[604] a press but feeding them to the lines that's pretty big deal and i really thought it was universal knowledge so when they were looking for a new name for the washington commanders i suggested the christians because when and and i thought about this joke for three days and i thought about the buildup of laughter it was going to get it was going to work so well and they were going to end up changing the name of the comedy club to ron white's mothership because of this one joke and how well it worked but the way that it was going to start the rumble was going to start is like when when detroit comes to town they're going to make the connection of Detroit Lions, Lions Christians, my storybook from my childhood.

[605] And that's the rumble of the really hip laughter.

[606] And because when the Lions get back to the, that's the next laugh was going to be.

[607] When the Lions meet the Christians on a plebe and playing field, you know, so none of it got a laugh.

[608] None of it worked.

[609] And they stared at me. And there was a good crowd, too.

[610] They were waiting for the next funny thing that I said.

[611] And that was it.

[612] And I really was expecting it.

[613] And it just, I was never been so wrong about a joke.

[614] Do you think you're just old enough to where you're like over that curve where the Christians and the Lions were more recent than they were?

[615] Yeah, I just don't think everybody got that storybook.

[616] Nobody gets that anymore.

[617] No, I didn't.

[618] Well, obviously.

[619] We used to get.

[620] I got it.

[621] I got Christians and Lions.

[622] Yeah.

[623] I got that connection.

[624] I don't think kids get that connection.

[625] But you said you would have told me not to do it, which was a lie because you would have told me to do it because you want me to try new shit.

[626] I always wanted to.

[627] I just, I was joking around when I said, don't.

[628] I would have told you not to do it.

[629] No, you would have told me to do it, and you would have been wrong.

[630] But you told me it had bombed before I ever found out about it.

[631] I did.

[632] And I said, I would tell you not to do that.

[633] It was so laughably.

[634] I laughed so hard at how wrong I was.

[635] That's how little.

[636] That's how you fuck around and find out.

[637] Isn't that the truth?

[638] That's how you, I mean, bits are fascinating.

[639] They changed, they changed their structure, like on stage.

[640] I could do five minutes now on why that joke didn't work.

[641] Yep.

[642] And that would be way more entertaining than the joke ever was, you know.

[643] Show up to.

[644] dude i was watching a video today of this uh lion gone wrong situation in a circus who oh my god these people this uh lion attacked this dude and they're hitting it with a hose i mean this guy's getting fucked up by this lion and they're spraying it with a hose to get it off that's how they get it off with a water hose and he gets away and then the lion gets him again and the lion gets them again and they're water hosed it and they're beating you got footage of yeah there's footage of it it looks like it's right Russian.

[645] If you don't find it, Jamie, I'm 99 % sure I saved it on my phone because it's so fucked up.

[646] But I'd have to go through it.

[647] That would be some dead air.

[648] Russian hoes.

[649] I forget who sent it to me. You don't edit these things, do you?

[650] No, I got it.

[651] The podcast?

[652] Yeah.

[653] No. I want it to be like this.

[654] Right, right, right.

[655] Yeah, I like a little dead air.

[656] This is it.

[657] So something happens.

[658] Oh, it's a circus thing.

[659] Yeah.

[660] Something happens.

[661] This line just decides E -fucking Nuff.

[662] Ooh.

[663] I mean, this thing is just Jackson's, too.

[664] Well, that's what happened to, you know.

[665] See, they're spraying them with a hose to try to get them off.

[666] I mean, this guy got fucked up.

[667] I mean, he got fucked up by those lines.

[668] That is so scary.

[669] You have a thing like that bite you, fuck that thing.

[670] What are you doing in there?

[671] Are you fucking crazy?

[672] That's what in Zigfield and Roy?

[673] Zig Fried and Roy.

[674] That happened in that room that I played at the Mirage.

[675] That was their room, man. That's where that whole thing went down.

[676] Yeah.

[677] dragged him off, bit, bit him by the neck and dragged him off.

[678] In front of a live audience.

[679] There's all the speculation to why it did it.

[680] All the specular.

[681] No one knows.

[682] Right.

[683] No one knows.

[684] It just decided, I'm going to bite this guy's neck and drag him off.

[685] There was a thought that it was afraid of, uh, some woman had, uh, feathers on her hat in the audience and that it threw him off.

[686] And I'm like, you really think that fucking tigers are scared of a lady with feathers on her head?

[687] That doesn't make any sense.

[688] Yeah, I think he just decided to bite that guy's neck, but I'm not a tiger.

[689] Maybe that guy would have been, was being a prick.

[690] You know, under the guise of being an animal lover, but at night he was like going, don't give him the expensive food and, you know.

[691] Well, maybe it was like, it was probably punishment.

[692] It's probably what they do to the tigers to get them to listen.

[693] Right.

[694] You know, like, what did they do when they were training them, you know, did they ever cross the line where the tiger always remember the time you heard it?

[695] And then it lashes out at you.

[696] Yeah, I'm going to find a fucking opportunity.

[697] I'm going to sit here.

[698] Yeah, you'd think the tigers It's going to be served cold, baby.

[699] It's going to be served cold.

[700] It seemed like for the most part they got along with those tigers for a long time, though.

[701] That's what's weird.

[702] They lived at their house, right?

[703] The Siegfried and Roy, they lived at their house.

[704] They were at one with them.

[705] They fucking cuddled them and loved on them.

[706] And they do say the tigers when they protect their cubs, that's how they do it.

[707] They grab them by the neck and they drag them off.

[708] But he's just too frail for it to do that, too.

[709] It just fucked him up.

[710] Yeah, right.

[711] Right, no. And those were big men, big strong men.

[712] I mean, he was a, you know, these guys were weightlifters and circus people, but nothing compared to that fucking lion.

[713] You're not like a cub.

[714] A lion cub, like the way a lion picks up the cub, it has all the skins or grabs all that extra skin.

[715] You don't have any skin, so it just grabs your fucking neck.

[716] Yeah, it's all vital organs.

[717] It's all.

[718] It's all.

[719] It was a shame that he, you know, he lived a long time as a crippled person.

[720] he did he lived several years right so it was just a horrible story man and that the show was shut down because like that's the reality of having tigers on a stage in front of a bunch of people like you just don't know it's just for one reason or another some crazy person could stand up and freak out and yell right and the thing could just launch itself out is this it the question is oh don't you show it to me son of a bitch what could go wrong everything you got to ask yourself that question, what could go wrong?

[721] Because that might.

[722] Wait, he was saying something about his diminishing relationship with that line?

[723] This is a video from four or five years ago.

[724] I was trying to see if it had an answer to all the questions you guys are asking.

[725] But it said something about his diminishing relationship with it.

[726] Oh, my God, he wrote it like a horse?

[727] There's speculation from someone they asked on this.

[728] Yeah, like an ex -employer or something.

[729] I think I saw that.

[730] Oh, so the tiger and him were not getting along?

[731] That's, again, it's his speculation.

[732] It says new allegations.

[733] about the attack, which is this would have been like 15 years after the attack even happened.

[734] Dude, almost nothing scares me more than animals.

[735] Right?

[736] I'm so scared of them.

[737] That's why you go out of your way to kill them when you can.

[738] Well, those aren't, I'm not scared of those.

[739] Although, you should be.

[740] Boers?

[741] Don't you hunt boar?

[742] Yeah, I do.

[743] Yeah, those things can kill you, Joe.

[744] They definitely can.

[745] Yeah, they get.

[746] I'm thinking elk more.

[747] The boar thing in Texas is fucking banana.

[748] I just love it when they catch them all in them cages.

[749] And then what do they do with them?

[750] Can you eat them?

[751] Is it just pig meat, right?

[752] Yeah, it's pig meat, right?

[753] It's just pork?

[754] It's really good.

[755] You can make really good bacon and shit out of it?

[756] Why are there any homeless, hungry people?

[757] It's good question.

[758] If we got those wild boar all over the place.

[759] Wild boar, very good.

[760] There's a guy in town, Jesse Griffiths.

[761] He owns a Dai Duet restaurant, and he's a real wild game cooking expert and an amazing chef.

[762] Yeah?

[763] And he has wild boar dish.

[764] at his place, even teaches people how to hunt wild boars, cook them, and how to hunt them down, how to fire rifle, the whole deal, takes them to do the whole thing, butcher them, skin them, eat them, shit them into their commode, fuck with me. He's like, they're delicious.

[765] Fuck with me. But it's also, it's not just a renewable resource, but you really, we have an obligation to kill them.

[766] There's too many.

[767] Yeah, they're fucking up land and.

[768] Oh, there's an insane, there's millions and millions of them in Texas.

[769] Yeah.

[770] And they keep, they have babies three times a year sometimes.

[771] They can have babies when they're six months old.

[772] Can I tell you a story about a frog?

[773] Yeah.

[774] I lived on the lake, Lake L .B .J. in this house, and there was a frog, big bullfrog.

[775] And he was lived by my peer.

[776] And I would go out there and I would see him and he always jump in the water.

[777] And, and, but he was, that's where he lived.

[778] He was always a big, old fat thing, this big, biggest bullfrog I'd seen.

[779] And I'd go down there and fish and then it'd come back there.

[780] And then one night he didn't jump.

[781] He stayed there.

[782] And I'm like, oh, he's not afraid of me anymore.

[783] And the next night I brought a net down and I caught him and I killed him and ate him.

[784] And I shit him into my toilet.

[785] And the other frogs went out and told other frogs don't go near there because that's what's going on.

[786] He's just waiting for you to be still.

[787] He's going to kill you and eat you and shit you into his toilet.

[788] You think they figured that part out?

[789] I think they did.

[790] I didn't see any more frogs after that, after the missing of that one frog.

[791] Yeah, I bet if you started feeding them, they'd be hanging around.

[792] But if you start killing them.

[793] Yeah, right.

[794] They probably...

[795] Right.

[796] It's not going to catch on.

[797] Do you think they do a roll call?

[798] I try to figure out where everybody is?

[799] Because some animals do that.

[800] Do they really?

[801] Yeah, maybe that's what frogs are doing when they're...

[802] Quirk, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.

[803] Uh -oh, where's Toby?

[804] Yeah, what are they doing when they're doing those noises?

[805] Those noises are cool as fuck, by the way.

[806] If you ever buy a lake at night and hear frogs making noises, oh, it's so cool.

[807] I hate them.

[808] Really?

[809] We had those little frogs When I lived in Atlanta You know what we did?

[810] We would go They were bark With a mouth that big On a little frog Barely that big Making this big old loud Noise It bugged the shit out of me And you could They were easy to catch You go there was a flashlight Because they don't know That you can see them You know And they're making all that racket You can just pick them up Put them in a can And then we would take them This guy I didn't like Had a pond right behind the house And we'd go dump them all over there And he's like I don't know Frogs around here They're fucking all over Making all this rack Yeah I don't know Not over at my house If they're not.

[811] Yeah, that's one of those little...

[812] This is night music, Ron.

[813] No, this is not the ones we had.

[814] We had ones where...

[815] We just need to put together a better band.

[816] Yeah.

[817] Well, they're going to put that band together over at that pond behind that guy's house because that's where they all live now.

[818] The thing about frogs, like, they're very predatory.

[819] Like, frogs, you've ever seen frogs in, like, a cage with mice?

[820] It's one of the most disturbing things you'll ever see in your life.

[821] No, I've never seen that.

[822] Giant Asian frog.

[823] I had it on my Instagram.

[824] It's on YouTube.

[825] This is giant, some kind of Asian frog.

[826] That one, the second one down.

[827] The yellow, where he's yellow.

[828] Watch this one.

[829] This one is fucking insane.

[830] This frog's insane.

[831] So they put these little rats.

[832] I can't tell if they're mice or rats.

[833] Those are mice, right?

[834] Yeah.

[835] Mikes.

[836] They look like mice.

[837] Okay.

[838] So they put these mice in this fucking, no, those are rats, man. Those are little rats.

[839] Yeah, those are rats.

[840] Yeah, okay.

[841] and then they put this giant frog in there with them.

[842] And I don't know why they're trying to jump and get out, and all of a sudden the frog just decided to start eating them.

[843] I think.

[844] I think they're just trying to get out.

[845] Look what he does.

[846] He's a monster.

[847] This is like a Star Wars monster.

[848] Oh, my God.

[849] Oh, dude, he eats them all.

[850] He's a job of the hut.

[851] Yeah, exactly.

[852] He eats them all?

[853] This one's not effective.

[854] I've seen, I think he's probably already full.

[855] They probably, look how fat he is.

[856] They probably filmed these all day long.

[857] God, how cruel.

[858] Is anybody...

[859] The one that I saw, he ate a bunch of them.

[860] Is anybody trying to put a stop to this?

[861] Nobody's putting a stop to.

[862] Nobody cares about the rats in the frog world.

[863] Rats or frogs.

[864] Get no respect.

[865] We'll make that part of our religion.

[866] Isn't it funny, though?

[867] If the rat was eating the frog, I'd be more disturbed.

[868] Oh, my God.

[869] Look at how gross that thing is.

[870] Look at it.

[871] Look at how big it is.

[872] I've never even seen a frog shape like that.

[873] Oh, look at it.

[874] Slow motion.

[875] Yeah, come on over here.

[876] Yeah, let me tell you something.

[877] I've got a little story for you.

[878] It seemed like the rat ran right in there.

[879] Like, fuck it, let's just get this over with.

[880] Oh, my God.

[881] What a way to die.

[882] Oh, no. Your balls hanging on the chin of a thing that's swallowing you.

[883] Look at those little balls.

[884] Oh, the last dying quiver.

[885] Oh, bro, he's going to stay alive inside the thing's gut.

[886] Don't do not.

[887] Let your children watch this.

[888] This is really, really gross.

[889] So disturbing.

[890] Yeah.

[891] I'm trying to unsee it, and I can't do it.

[892] I can't do it.

[893] That's what happens.

[894] That's nature, man. That's part of the Joe Rogan experience right there.

[895] That's nature.

[896] That's why you shouldn't have crocodiles in the street.

[897] That's why you shouldn't import wolves into your neighborhood.

[898] That's right.

[899] That's why you shouldn't bring grizzly bears back to California.

[900] Slow down, everybody.

[901] My mother wants to, you know, and you know how low things got.

[902] with mom now I want a cat and I'm like no mother you can't have a cat genie's allergic to cats now I want one of those bingo cats they're hypoallergenic oh my god for my mother my nice 90 year old mother and uh yeah I think they're pretty good sized cats like 15 20 pounds and uh I'm like no she's I want you to get me a bingo cat for my 90th birthday and I said mother number one I'm not advancing you any more birthdays you got to show me the number you got to get to the number before you get your 90th.

[903] I'm not fronting you any 90th birthday.

[904] You have to get to that number to get that present because you already got them.

[905] You know, you're already advanced all you can.

[906] So if she, once she lives, it'll be 90, she might get them.

[907] Wow.

[908] It's just a few months away.

[909] No, aren't, am I thinking of the same kind of cat?

[910] Like, which ones are the ones are Bengals?

[911] It's a horrible idea.

[912] There's some of them that are, they're basically like a wild cat.

[913] Yeah.

[914] Well, they're not very many generations removed, I think, is the problem.

[915] And I think they're perfectly good cats, but they're really big and they're really a lot of energy.

[916] And they're kind of different because you can take them out on a leash and stuff.

[917] My mother doesn't want to do that.

[918] She, I'm like, get a york or something, a little lap dog.

[919] She wants a big...

[920] Am I fucking this up?

[921] Is it the same thing?

[922] Is it the same thing as those other ones that, like...

[923] No, I think they're called bengled kittens, you know?

[924] Yeah, that's it right there.

[925] That's a regular bangled cat.

[926] Okay.

[927] Yeah, so that's a regular cat.

[928] So I'm thinking of that.

[929] I'm thinking of that.

[930] Oh, yeah, no. So what is a Bengal cat's just a cat, right?

[931] Is that just a cat?

[932] Yeah, but it comes from the Bengal tiger.

[933] And, you know, they're just a handful.

[934] You know, it's not like a big old floppy lap cat.

[935] These cats, you know, they kill.

[936] They're big time killers.

[937] They've got to be involved in stuff.

[938] They've got a lot of energy.

[939] They're big and strong.

[940] So they're up to like, you know, 15, 20 pounds, I think.

[941] Look at the description.

[942] The Bengal cat is domesticated cat breed created from a hybrid of the Asian leopard cat with domestic cats, especially the spotted Egyptian Mao?

[943] Yeah, there you go.

[944] I was, in my hand, I was like, I think I fucked up, and it's the wrong one.

[945] That one is crazy.

[946] I've seen people have that one as a pet.

[947] You have?

[948] Yeah, yeah.

[949] Did John Jones have one of those?

[950] That's just a lion.

[951] Didn't he have a crazy cat?

[952] He's got one of these.

[953] What does he have?

[954] Oh, yeah.

[955] What kind is that?

[956] That looks like that bingo cat.

[957] Yeah, it does look.

[958] more like that than the serval cat it says serval though doesn't it i type that in i don't i was oh what kind of fucking cat is that i don't know does they have a jacket on yeah it's kind of like a fucking leash that's a big ass cat yeah bro i would not donald careful donald mother's mother's 90 that's not what she wants and she gets she get so stubborn it could be i want a cat it could be awesome it could be the greatest cat of all time or it could be it decides to fuck you up You could eat her.

[959] Yeah.

[960] You know, she couldn't defend herself if it went nuts on her.

[961] What our story was earlier today in the episode.

[962] Yeah.

[963] People getting eaten by tigers.

[964] Mm -hmm.

[965] First responders, when they find bodies after people have died in a house with cats, it doesn't take long for the cat started eating.

[966] Right.

[967] They don't give you a whole lot of time before they start eating.

[968] Oh, mama.

[969] Dogs will wait.

[970] They will.

[971] Yeah, dogs wait until they're starving.

[972] to death they're dying they don't even associate you with the you anymore you just meet and they have to stay alive cats are like i'm hungry yeah i'm gonna eat ron's lips right get an eyeball nostril it's a fascinating relationship that we have to these small animals like i was saying about your beautiful dog that you if you trace the lineage back of that thing that used to be a wolf somehow or another they went from wolves to like more of a floppy -eared animal to more of an animal that was, like, smaller, that hung up, and then they figured out how to braid them.

[973] All the way to a rug that shits.

[974] That's what I own.

[975] That's a rug that shits.

[976] Like, how the fuck did they do that?

[977] So if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast, especially a cat.

[978] Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours.

[979] Wow.

[980] What kind of loyalty?

[981] They got over all that love quick.

[982] That cat never loved you.

[983] Oh, my God.

[984] If they can eat your head in 24 hours.

[985] That cat never loved you.

[986] It was just, I need food.

[987] I'm going to be nice.

[988] You all had a coroner on his podcast.

[989] Waiting for you to fucking die.

[990] I think I explained it to him.

[991] Oh, the coroner was telling him?

[992] Yeah, I think he asked me like what kind of fucked up shit have you seen.

[993] He's like animals.

[994] Well, did you play that?

[995] Play that right where you're saying that.

[996] It'll remove your head within 24 hours.

[997] It was right before the head and.

[998] Back it up before that.

[999] Back it up for that.

[1000] So if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast.

[1001] Really fast, especially a cat.

[1002] Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours.

[1003] And I'm not talking, I'm talking literally hair on the floor, no head, and nibbling into their chest.

[1004] Even cats that were loved by their owners, or is it just cats that you think had something with the owner and they're going to say, this is my time?

[1005] Yeah, no, they're absolutely feeding on you.

[1006] I don't care how much you love that cat, and that cat loved you, he's going to eat you.

[1007] And I just never, never imagined that they could do that much damage.

[1008] Smaller dogs.

[1009] Now, a lab won't.

[1010] The labs, for some reason, don't eat their owners, you know, unless they're locked in for months.

[1011] I guess they would.

[1012] But I find it more weenie dogs, small dogs, and cats.

[1013] Cats, they don't wait.

[1014] And how soon are?

[1015] I don't know.

[1016] I don't know if I believe the guy now.

[1017] Oh, why?

[1018] Because I bet he has a lab, so he had to say labs wouldn't.

[1019] eat you.

[1020] I mean, what makes a lab different than my sweet little Maddie?

[1021] He's saying Maddie would go after you after a little while, but the lab, come on.

[1022] Yeah, why would they think that the little, maybe he means like Chihuahuas or something like that.

[1023] Or a little Jack Russell Terriers, they'll fuck you up quick.

[1024] But like, what is, what's the data on that?

[1025] The labs really eat you when you're done?

[1026] I think he's just going off of his experience.

[1027] I don't know.

[1028] I was trying to...

[1029] I don't know where he gets his expertise.

[1030] Yeah.

[1031] I'm not seeing this on NPR.

[1032] It's not coming on on my news feed.

[1033] Well, I was also kind of making that point when I Googled that and typed it in, it gives me like a TikTok fun fact.

[1034] Like that's the fact that Google gave me, which was a fact from Theo's podcast.

[1035] That's like the top result.

[1036] And they're calling it a fact?

[1037] I mean, well, I do know for a fact that cats eat people.

[1038] Yeah.

[1039] Yeah, that's what it makes sense.

[1040] I mean, people eat people.

[1041] I know people who have found people that, where they got you know, where they're cops, where they found people that were partially eaten by the cats.

[1042] That's 100 % real.

[1043] That was a fun show.

[1044] We did that show for the cops.

[1045] That was awesome.

[1046] That was so much fun.

[1047] That was awesome.

[1048] Three cops got thrown out.

[1049] That's right.

[1050] They came to party, folks.

[1051] They came to have a good time.

[1052] He did come to party.

[1053] That was a lot of fun.

[1054] That was a good fucking time.

[1055] Those people don't get appreciated enough.

[1056] No, and that's a truth.

[1057] They don't get appreciated enough.

[1058] And if things go south, they're going to be the first people you call, and you've been disrespecting them for so long and not appreciating how hard it is what they do for so fucking long.

[1059] And that doesn't excuse the bad ones.

[1060] That's not.

[1061] No, it doesn't.

[1062] It's just you can't lump everybody in with that same group because most of them are great.

[1063] You got to have these guys.

[1064] You've got to have them.

[1065] You have to have them.

[1066] And it ain't the greatest job in the goddamn world.

[1067] And it sure is dangerous.

[1068] And some of them drive on that kind of environment.

[1069] And that's great.

[1070] I don't.

[1071] And so I need, you know, and it was just, it was so cool to be able to make them laugh that hard.

[1072] Because, you know, we had the death of that cop not too long ago, you know.

[1073] You know, that's been a pretty dower place to work.

[1074] That's what the guy was telling me, the chief of police was, you know, they hadn't been laughing.

[1075] You know, they haven't been, that really got everybody down and kept them down.

[1076] Of course.

[1077] So that was cool.

[1078] That was so much fun.

[1079] Yeah, it was fun.

[1080] It was real fun to do.

[1081] Yeah, it's, you know.

[1082] We should have started a church that night.

[1083] We could have started.

[1084] We'd have police force.

[1085] We've got to plant these seeds carefully.

[1086] That's right.

[1087] And this is what we're doing today on the podcast.

[1088] We're planting seeds.

[1089] You can't just go out there or just dig a trench.

[1090] Then the government starts getting involved quickly.

[1091] We've got to, like, slowly plant seeds.

[1092] Based on a story of love and mutual respect.

[1093] It would be great if we could buy into a franchise like Chick -fil -A, you know, or something.

[1094] Closed on Sunday.

[1095] Just buy into something.

[1096] It's pre -existing.

[1097] You know, our challenge is going to be started from scratch.

[1098] Yeah, just the Church of Ron White, just from scratch, it's going to be.

[1099] under a lot of scrutiny.

[1100] No, dude, it's a Joe Rogan, Ron White Church.

[1101] I ain't doing this by myself, man. But it's kind of funny.

[1102] It really is kind of funny that if we did just both of us become Christian and then open up a Christian church, no problems at all.

[1103] You know, I got like 3 million followers.

[1104] I wonder how far they would actually follow if I started leading.

[1105] You don't even want 3 million.

[1106] If you get 300 ,000 to move into a town that you've created in the middle of desert.

[1107] Right, right.

[1108] I mean, that's that Portland movie.

[1109] The Netflix series, Wild Wild Country, they literally bought into a town.

[1110] And it wasn't that bad.

[1111] You know, that's what the – I think it was you that said that.

[1112] They always sound pretty good.

[1113] You know, you're like, I can do this.

[1114] And then it gets soared.

[1115] Nobody can handle that kind of power.

[1116] Yeah, that's what it does.

[1117] And that kind of focus of energy.

[1118] And we – yeah, you're the guy.

[1119] You're the guy without – it corrupts.

[1120] Well, it just corrupts.

[1121] They're literally bestowing the word of God.

[1122] and the meaning of life and the meaning of the universe in front of their loyal following.

[1123] Right.

[1124] This guy's got 31 Rolls Royces, by the way.

[1125] And they're just happy when he gets another one.

[1126] He was funny, though.

[1127] He was the funny.

[1128] Oh, yeah.

[1129] He was.

[1130] He was, you know, I would have listened for a while, you know.

[1131] You ever hear that thing, that famous thing that he said about democracy?

[1132] You remember?

[1133] It's by people.

[1134] but the people are retarded so you get this fucking guru he got this guru saying that everyone's retarded you got to see this this was the dude this was the fucking dude because democracy basically means government by the people off the people and he works slower than I do he does he does but it's good I'm listening people Retarded.

[1135] Yes, they are.

[1136] Yes, they are.

[1137] No, he goes on even further.

[1138] That's a small version of it.

[1139] He continues on.

[1140] There's the government of the retarded, for the retardant.

[1141] Yeah, he goes into this whole thing.

[1142] And this is the guru that was running that town up there.

[1143] That was the guy.

[1144] And he was the guy with 31 Rolls Royces, right?

[1145] Yeah, he was bawling out of control.

[1146] Yeah, he was bawling out of control.

[1147] He was going nuts.

[1148] He probably would have pulled it off if it wasn't for Sheila.

[1149] Yeah.

[1150] Sheila was so ruthless.

[1151] Right.

[1152] She's terrified.

[1153] She was the one that got the guns out.

[1154] She just wanted to poison the whole town.

[1155] Oh, I didn't know the town.

[1156] Oh, the city.

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] Not them.

[1159] No, they poisoned like a salad bar or something, didn't they?

[1160] Didn't she do something like that?

[1161] They blew something up.

[1162] They did a bunch of shit.

[1163] They brought in homeless people for votes.

[1164] I mean, they went wild.

[1165] They went wild in the end.

[1166] They brought in homeless people in buses so that the homeless people would become part of their community and they'd have more votes.

[1167] And then they took over the fucking town.

[1168] And then they're like, adios, homeless.

[1169] homeless fucks and they kick the homeless people out.

[1170] Government by the retardage for the retarded of the retardage.

[1171] I mean, that dude believes what he's saying.

[1172] Democracy cannot be.

[1173] I believe what he's saying.

[1174] Possibility men can attain.

[1175] He's just blink for the first time.

[1176] I was asking if he hasn't blinked.

[1177] Wow.

[1178] Yeah, he's.

[1179] probably the real deal.

[1180] He's probably the real deal.

[1181] But he had Sheila behind him and she just got crazy and started killing folks.

[1182] Too many Rolls Royces to keep it out of the news.

[1183] You know, you've got a couple of them, man. You got, you know, 31.

[1184] But if you're the real deal, if you really are a super guru and you want 30 Rolls Royces, I think you can do it in that space.

[1185] Yeah, in that space.

[1186] In the Christian space, I don't think so.

[1187] They're doing it.

[1188] They got, you know, Gulfstream 650s, you know, you can buy 30 Rolls Royces.

[1189] I'm just saying it's very, it's harder to neck with the message.

[1190] Cheaper, right.

[1191] There's something about that dude, the way he was willing to talk.

[1192] Like, that guy, Oshow, his book is really brilliant.

[1193] There's an audio version of one of his books that I got into.

[1194] It's interesting, man. His thoughts are very interesting.

[1195] He had 93 cars.

[1196] It's only 93, Ron.

[1197] 93.

[1198] He only had 93 cars.

[1199] So he had a nice fleet of truck.

[1200] He loved his Rolls Royces.

[1201] He did.

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] But right, you know, if he's the guy, you want him to have every.

[1204] Everything.

[1205] You know, if you believe he's the guy and you can be, this is what I believe.

[1206] I think you can be both.

[1207] I think you can be this crazy 93 Rolls -Royce having fucking lunatic who lives in a castle that's made out of diamonds in the sky.

[1208] Okay.

[1209] You got money from your followers and also to be tuned into the real thing.

[1210] To read the real energy of the universe.

[1211] I don't think you can.

[1212] I think you can.

[1213] I think you can dance.

[1214] I think that power corrupts absolutely for most people.

[1215] For most people.

[1216] But if you're a real super guru, like a hedonist super guru.

[1217] Right.

[1218] Because one of the things about a lot of those like crazy super guru type characters, like there's always some sexual aspect to it.

[1219] It's always some sexual freedom and sexual expressing.

[1220] And they fucking hook, line and sink or believe in that shit.

[1221] Right, like that guy that owned that building that you almost bought for no reason.

[1222] Exactly.

[1223] Exactly.

[1224] The Ron White recommendation, Ron White recommended that I buy a cult building and I listen to him.

[1225] Yeah.

[1226] See?

[1227] See it would have worked it would have worked it would have worked that was a cool building Yeah, and it would have worked it would have made it work that's for sure and we'd all supported it and it would have been fine It wouldn't have been as good though location wise wouldn't have been as good this is this is this turned out to be heaven So we can't second guess anything that went down before it or after it or whatever I feel like it lined up in the exact correct order like the universe opened up all the doors in the exact correct order And, like, I feel like the failed experiment with that other place or the, you know, the frustration and having it not come together was a good, like, a lesson, a good lesson in, like, how, like, real estate deals can go and how, you know, all the issues with property.

[1228] Right.

[1229] How careful you need to be.

[1230] There's a lot of stuff going on when you're buying stuff.

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] And sometimes you've got to experience a failed deal and go, okay, that didn't work.

[1233] Maybe this, maybe this is better.

[1234] And you were kind of impetuous, so you needed something to slow you down a little bit.

[1235] Because you were going pretty nuts with decision.

[1236] I mean, I talked to you one day, you were thinking about moving to Austin, and the next day you lived there, you had a house on the lake, you moved your studios.

[1237] I'm like, God damn, this guy moves.

[1238] Yeah, I'm not interested in half -assing things.

[1239] No, no, no, no. You moved right along with it.

[1240] That's what's the fun part about it.

[1241] It's like a change like that is a big deal.

[1242] Well, it really, if you look at the, and I'm pretty emotional.

[1243] about the mothership, but if you look at it, it was, it was the only thing that could have got me where I am today.

[1244] Nothing, no other vehicle would have worked because I wouldn't have been interested in it.

[1245] I would have been interested in me being alone and isolating myself and all those things.

[1246] But the mothership, uh, was that thing that was so delicious and so perfect for what I needed at that point in my life I think that the universe used you just to get me back out of this fucking hole that I was in you know you know where I was at you know I was in a shitty fucking place and I needed I didn't know what to do I didn't know where to go I didn't know what to do with my emotions I didn't know what to do with my you know doubting everything about my talent and all this stuff and you know so nothing else would have got me where I am today and no other combination of things there wouldn't have been an open mic night and Webster wherever that I would have gone to and with any interest at all and really started to fall back in love with the art of doing stand -up and be able to do all those reps you know that doesn't exist anywhere else you know that that's what happens at the mothership that you can go in there and sharpen the fucking blade you ought to see what I'm doing at these crowds on the road I'm beating the fuck out of them I'm having a blast except I still hate to travel but you know we're real lucky we're real lucky and like i said i feel like the universe opened up all the right doors at all the right time yeah yeah and and put it all together in this perfect way and we all benefit from having all of us here together for sure it's 100 % benefits your act 100 % benefits your joke writing and the amount of fun that you have in life and how hard we laugh in that green room and uh that's what i'm saying the amount of fun you have in life it's the most fun.

[1247] And the best thing about the green room is how restrictive it is, you know, that you just can't go in there.

[1248] You know, you're just not, you got to earn that spot in the tree house, you know, and so anytime you open the door, you'll see, you know, some of the best comics alive sitting there talking about stand -up comedy and, you know, writing jokes and laughing and having a good time.

[1249] But, you know, that's our fucking little space, man, and it is the greatest thing on earth.

[1250] The one of the worst things that happens in green rooms, what Ron's talking about is like, be in a green room and a bunch of agents will walk in and start talking.

[1251] Especially in L .A. It used to happen all the time.

[1252] They all wanted to go in the green room.

[1253] So they'd go in the green room and I've done shows before like at these big theaters and there's people I don't even know how they are.

[1254] They're all hanging around the green room.

[1255] I'm like, okay.

[1256] I don't even, who are you guys?

[1257] It doesn't happen so much anymore, but in the past.

[1258] Oh, when I've played big venues out near California, the guys I didn't even know from APA and, you know, CAA or whoever the fuck I was with.

[1259] Yeah.

[1260] And the people from my office that I didn't even know, they're all back there in the green room, you know, trying to get a little, trying to prove to me that they're earning some kind of fucking money I'm sending them or whatever.

[1261] But that doesn't happen at the comedy mothership.

[1262] It's just us talking about it.

[1263] And really nobody knows much more about the business of this than we do, you know, the actual collective group.

[1264] We feed off each other.

[1265] Yeah.

[1266] Yeah.

[1267] It's like we 100 % feed off each other.

[1268] And this wasn't designed to be a commercial for the mothership, but it sounds like what.

[1269] Yeah, we're both super lucky.

[1270] All of us are, not just us in this room, but all of us together that we're all in on this together, because that's what it is.

[1271] It's like we got a spot where we can all fuck around.

[1272] And we have a lot of other spots in Austin now because of that, and along with that.

[1273] Right.

[1274] And basically that makes the mothership a very proper name.

[1275] uh for that place for that club yeah because everything else kind of feeds off of it you know that was the that was the idea well there was a bunch of other names that i had for but that was the idea what what i liked about that one is that we all do travel and we're all stuck you know in this thing if you're if you're a stand -up and you you know you want to go on the road you got to go places but you have a place to go back to where you can keep your skills without traveling that's what doesn't exist anywhere else well that's what you know made me realize what we were missing when we came here.

[1276] When we first came here, we were at the Vulcan, it was great, but it was a great place and loved Nick and everybody that worked there, but it wasn't set up perfect.

[1277] Right, right.

[1278] It was hard to get around.

[1279] You had to go downstairs to get on stage.

[1280] It was like, there was a lot of annoying shit about it.

[1281] There was, like, kind of goofy the way it was set up.

[1282] And it's a great room to perform in, like the acoustics are fun.

[1283] But it rattles, you know.

[1284] But I was like, we need the setup to be correct.

[1285] And if we get the setup, like, completely.

[1286] correct just do it absolutely the way a comic would want it to be done just do everything the way the comic make it everything so it's like the fucking easiest ride ever for the comics that come in we go through the back hey up to the stairs that's right yeah it's just easy fun everybody's gonna have a good time let's go have fun let's have fun and that's what we needed because we were on the road all the time and when you're on the road all the time it's like you're in these places you're only going to be there for a couple of nights you're doing your stand -up with a couple friends you came with then you go back home and then you wait till you go somewhere else again you don't have a home base yeah touch in like Ron Wyatt I was Cincinnati you know like no no those those those Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the shit man they are they are they know and it was kind of like it was it at this store for a while yeah you know when we were all supporting it at the same time and you know the crowds were you know it was always packed because they knew they were going to get a show they couldn't get any other time for any price you did that show doesn't exist anywhere else and uh The other night we did a show, and it was me and you and Shane Gillis and Jim Norton, that guy makes me laugh hard than anybody.

[1287] Theo Vaughn came in.

[1288] It was all in one night at the Comedy Mothership.

[1289] Crowd doesn't know.

[1290] We don't even know.

[1291] You know, you don't even know who's all going to show up on the night.

[1292] But there's always room, you know, if you're one of the big Kamaya Mayas, you know.

[1293] There's always someone coming by.

[1294] We'll always make room for you.

[1295] It's just fun.

[1296] It's just a real fun environment.

[1297] It's a real fun place to fuck around, you know.

[1298] And now that we have that, it makes it easier for us.

[1299] It makes it easy for you to do this tour you're doing.

[1300] It makes it for all of us.

[1301] It's just a place to keep your chops, you know.

[1302] And it's all, and I don't care if you're doing short sets or long sets.

[1303] You need to be doing sets.

[1304] Because it keeps that familiarity with you in that audience.

[1305] And it keeps that all secondary.

[1306] It's something that you don't even think about.

[1307] It's what you do it every goddamn day, and that's what you should do.

[1308] And then it doesn't matter if you're on the stage for 15 minutes or an hour in 15 minutes.

[1309] It's just that you've got to get on stage and talk to those people.

[1310] And just so it's second nature to you.

[1311] Because if you don't do it for a while, it's not.

[1312] You think about it.

[1313] We don't think about sets before we walk on stage at the mothership.

[1314] You know, it's just what we do all the time.

[1315] But you remember what it was like when we took all those months off for COVID.

[1316] Then you did stand up again.

[1317] Fuck, I was horrible.

[1318] I couldn't believe how bad I was.

[1319] And I didn't even know, that was a big question is, for me, was I didn't know what I was so good at that made it special to watch.

[1320] You know, I didn't, because I was just doing an impression of myself in that I didn't have that confidence in all those things that come from knowing what's going to happen when you walk on stage.

[1321] I saw your first set back at the Vulcan.

[1322] You fucking killed.

[1323] You fucking killed.

[1324] You're out of your mind.

[1325] You're out of your mind.

[1326] You got big laughs.

[1327] I think it just didn't feel comfortable for you.

[1328] I think you didn't feel like you were killing because it didn't feel comfortable because you just haven't done it in so long.

[1329] I think that's all it is.

[1330] But for the audience member, you kill.

[1331] If you look at that set versus my 15 -minute set that I'm doing now.

[1332] Well, you were talking about the other night.

[1333] That timing and all that stuff is back to sharp, you know, how I got here stuff, you know.

[1334] And that's all growth that comes from fucking doing reps, know it's definitely it's a gym that's for sure and if you work out you see the results and if you don't you don't i think it's just like golf it's just like everything yeah well it's something it's something i understand and i love you know and so i you know and if you only play golf with idiots right you know you never could really learn to play golf yeah and then you'd be going i'm so great you know it's it's better for you to hang out with guys that can hit the ball further than you you know that's fine that's fine because you can still be beat those guys if you're lucky if you're smart yeah will that be there's always in groups of gosh there's always the one guy who's the dominant golf player right yeah yeah and that's it used to be me all the time but now when i play now i've got these friends that you know that are fucking is that a reps thing is that just a reps thing or is there a certain characteristic that some people have that makes them like really good at golf i think that some people are born with a with the inate ability for athletics you know and some people aren't and you can you can try to get to that place all as hard as you want to like john daily you know yeah he's a gifted athlete you know and he would no matter what he had done he would have been great at it yeah but he chose to do it with golf and and his situation at home was real fucked up abusive father horrible shit just horrible shit and i know a lot about him i've spent a lot of nights drinking with him and uh but he had these hands man and this ability to turn his back to his target and just keep going and it generated literally no one had ever seen anybody do what John Daly did when he first started hitting when he first came on the scene the other pros were going out to the driving range going watch this and he's hitting the ball 75 yards past everybody and hit in the middle of the fairway with it.

[1335] They're like but he was so self -destructive that he could manage it to some point, you know, I don't know, and John didn't know either, I'm sure, but, you know, he won two majors, which, you know, most people that play professional golf will never win one, or never win a tournament, that most people that have a card to play on the PGA tour, never win on the PGA tour.

[1336] So he didn't do earth -shattering stuff like Tiger did as far as the numbers go, but, you know, he just had that natural ability and his son is just like him, which is kind of a weird thing because that father's son thing doesn't mesh up and who knows if it ultimately will.

[1337] But his son's got a pocket full of money, bets with everybody there.

[1338] He's about 16.

[1339] No, he's in college now, so he's quite a player and he's got his dad's back swing and, you know, it's...

[1340] Damn.

[1341] So it's genetic.

[1342] Well, some of it's got to be, you know.

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] And then you...

[1345] Man, I would imagine.

[1346] Yeah, there he is right there.

[1347] I would imagine.

[1348] That's who I play golf with.

[1349] With their fucking belt.

[1350] Yeah.

[1351] They won the father -tons' son tournament.

[1352] They beat Tiger and his kid.

[1353] Bro, how great are John Daly's pants?

[1354] Yeah.

[1355] Look at those pants.

[1356] Those are so classic.

[1357] Yep.

[1358] And you can...

[1359] Little skulls all over them.

[1360] Those green alligator shoes.

[1361] He's awesome.

[1362] He's one of a kind.

[1363] That's for sure.

[1364] One of a kind.

[1365] One of a kind.

[1366] How many Diet Coke did you say he drinks a day?

[1367] Well, he drinks.

[1368] Oh, boy, he just drinks so much.

[1369] But he drinks Diet Coke's and chocolate milk, and he doesn't really eat.

[1370] And then he does.

[1371] drinks vodka by the Galabalans.

[1372] You know, you got a chocolate milk.

[1373] If you go, because we, I've stayed in the same house with him before and he's also, oddly enough, he's a neat freak.

[1374] He gets up in the morning and he'll make breakfast for everybody that's in the, you know, the golf fucking complex there, like four rooms or whatever.

[1375] He's up in the morning vacuuming, shine and stuff it up.

[1376] It's not even his job to do it.

[1377] But he's a neat freak.

[1378] And he loves to cook for people.

[1379] and at night he'll sing songs and play guitar until you're so bored with it you can't stand yourself and uh you know but it's a hoot it's a show but in the refrigerator gallons of milk and a chocolate a hersey's chocolate squirt bottle he makes it up himself you know and uh and then mix his own chocolate and then stirs and then diet coax and then cigarettes you know one after another pull that back up jammie with the statistics that you were showing the statistics he was just showing about how many cigarettes and Diet Coke's he drank in one game.

[1380] This is a daily diet.

[1381] I don't know.

[1382] Yeah, but that one image that you had on the other page, there was you had there it is.

[1383] John Daily smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke and no water at a PGA tour event.

[1384] John Daily once smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of coke at a tour event with no water.

[1385] The controversial golfer is known among fans for a somewhat different style to today's fitness -obsessed stars.

[1386] So if he drank 12 Coca -Cola's, though, you do have to think, like, that is a lot of energy and a lot of sugar.

[1387] Yeah, and this guy doesn't practice ever at golf.

[1388] He doesn't know.

[1389] He'll go out there and he'll hit sand wedges and he'll hit maybe four of them and go straight to the T -box, whether he's playing a professional tour event or playing with everybody, and he tells me he just hit some sandweds.

[1390] You've got to hit that side.

[1391] If you can hit that solid, you can hit them all solid.

[1392] Just do that.

[1393] There's no sense working your way through a bag and spending all goddamn day.

[1394] You know, just get, because you're trying to get loose, not better.

[1395] We're playing, right?

[1396] You don't have time to get better.

[1397] You just got time to get loose.

[1398] Get loose with one club.

[1399] So, but it, he, uh, but that's just how much ability he's got.

[1400] Most of these guys, you know, they take this shit serious every goddamn day of their life.

[1401] Hours and hours and hours a day go into nothing but preparing.

[1402] and he spends no time at all.

[1403] And he doesn't win very much.

[1404] But, you know, he makes a lot of noise, and he lives life the way he wants to.

[1405] And he's so unapologetic.

[1406] And he's kind of a hero because of it.

[1407] He is, yeah, yeah, he's totally a hero.

[1408] And he should be.

[1409] He is a living legend of athletic fucking superiority.

[1410] And there he is.

[1411] Hooters.

[1412] There's his endorsement right there.

[1413] He loves Hooters.

[1414] That's hilarious.

[1415] Yeah, for years and years, I'd go to the Masters and I'd park my bus right next to his bus at the Hooters.

[1416] Hilarious.

[1417] And go down and watch the game.

[1418] And he would make a fortune because people go to that tournament to see golf, right?

[1419] But those guys aren't available.

[1420] You know, they don't stick around sign autographs and do shit like that.

[1421] John does.

[1422] So he's got a merch tent set up at the Hooters And he'll do $400 ,000 worth of business in a week Just sitting there signing stuff, flags, whatever, taking pictures He hustles that parking lot And does it every year He's always out there He'll, you know, he's nice anyway And he likes fans And he'll talk to you about anything, anybody And, you know, if he's in a good mood If he's in a shitty mood, maybe not But he still gets it, you know Because he gambles a lot So he never has, I don't think ever had a big surplus of money.

[1423] He had some big deals from Callaway.

[1424] But I think he, you know, he was playing slot machines, a thousand bucks, a pull all the time.

[1425] And so he's always had to hustle on the side, you know.

[1426] But he gets it done, you know.

[1427] Now he's got a vodka drink, kind of like the Arnold Palmer, except it's got booze in.

[1428] It's called John Daly, selling shit out of it.

[1429] Yeah, what is the John Daler?

[1430] What's the mixture?

[1431] Arnold Palmer is lemonade and iced tea, right?

[1432] I think then you had some vodka, I would imagine.

[1433] That's what it is.

[1434] John Daly?

[1435] Yeah.

[1436] Bodka.

[1437] Fuck, yeah.

[1438] Him and, you know, I quit drinking, you know, that about three years ago.

[1439] And, and, and Kid Rock hangs out there all the time, and they're really good buddies, and he plays golf.

[1440] It's just not a great golf course either.

[1441] It's just one we all go to, and, you know, it's got good greens, and we have fun time out there.

[1442] And they'll be banging on the door of my bus.

[1443] We're going to the teddy bar.

[1444] Come go to the block, too.

[1445] What part of, uh.

[1446] If I don't drink anymore, do you not understand?

[1447] I'm no, I'm not going to the titty bar with you and Kid Rock and watch you guys jack with strippers till dawn and hilarious.

[1448] So now they don't talk to me much.

[1449] Those fucking guys, when they sober up, the party's all gone.

[1450] Right, that's right.

[1451] Yeah, I read something the other day, said if you quit drinking, that doesn't automatically make you no fun.

[1452] That's a separate decision you have to make.

[1453] that's very well put yeah right very well put i know a lot of comics that stopped drinking like david tell i think is the best example of a guy was stopped drinking and just got way better like he was always hilarious he was always an amazing comic he's always been fun but i think it was just taking a toll on his body and then when he quit it's like all of a sudden he had energy again he's writing a shit ton of great material i think he's at like his highest level ever now and he's he's at like his highest level ever now and And he hasn't drank in a long time.

[1454] Yeah, long, yeah, years and years.

[1455] And, but, you know, he was out of control, though.

[1456] I mean, he was.

[1457] For a little bit.

[1458] Yeah.

[1459] Well, he had that show.

[1460] Insomnia acts, right?

[1461] That was true.

[1462] I mean, that's what he would do every night.

[1463] I worked with him.

[1464] I ended up doing a bunch of, I went to the Montreal Comedy Festival.

[1465] And he and I, we didn't know each other, and we were doing a bunch of shows at the, at the dirty show or whatever it was.

[1466] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1467] There were like 12 shows in a week.

[1468] And so we met, that's back when he drank and I drank and so we were fast friends.

[1469] And I thought he was funny as fuck.

[1470] I didn't, you know, I had never seen any of it.

[1471] And I just fucking love to tell.

[1472] And he's so much fun to hang out with.

[1473] He's one of the best of all time.

[1474] But he would come through town and boy, after the show, he's gone.

[1475] You know, he goes into a dark nether world of, you know, whatever's going on down there.

[1476] He finds it.

[1477] And, you know, so.

[1478] But he didn't do anything.

[1479] I mean, he quit everything.

[1480] thing.

[1481] He got sober when people go, I heard you quit getting fucked up.

[1482] I'm like, yeah, you heard it wrong.

[1483] You know, you just quit drinking.

[1484] There's more than one way to skin a cat is the way I look at it.

[1485] I think the way you're skinning it right now is the best way.

[1486] Fuck yeah, I think so.

[1487] It's the best way.

[1488] It makes for the most fun.

[1489] It makes for the most fun.

[1490] I feel really good about all the decisions I made that got me to where I'm right this minute, you know, as far as liquor goes.

[1491] I didn't, you know.

[1492] It makes for the most fun.

[1493] The situation we're in right now is it makes for the most fun.

[1494] If they would just hurry up and decriminalize mushrooms and things along those lines.

[1495] Yeah, because then we'd start doing mushrooms.

[1496] But as long as they're against the law, we don't do them.

[1497] Exactly.

[1498] We're against it.

[1499] That's what I'm saying.

[1500] We put a stop to it.

[1501] In fact, we're part of the mechanism.

[1502] Imagine if it's the only thing that can really get us out of this, but we're all so dismissive of it.

[1503] It sounds loony tunes, right?

[1504] But if you could give mushrooms to every living human being on this planet all in one day, We can sort a lot of shit out.

[1505] That's what Hicks said it was our accelerator pad to our evolution, you know.

[1506] Well, he was a big Terrence McKenna fan, and he quoted Terrence McKenna in his act.

[1507] And Terrence McKenna was the guy who came up with that theory that the reason why human beings evolved is from mushrooms.

[1508] Oh, okay.

[1509] It's called the Stone -Dap Theory.

[1510] It's a crazy theory.

[1511] What is?

[1512] Farrell scientists recommending easing restrictions on marijuana.

[1513] Oh, I did see that.

[1514] Yeah.

[1515] They want to make it Schedule 3, so it has some medicinal uses.

[1516] Shrooms or wheat That's just weed That's weed first Oh It'll just never gonna give it to you all at once It's just too revolutionary Well Texas you know We still don't even have Mercy Weed you know You can't get weed if you have cancer If you're dying of cancer I don't think so Not in Texas There's no medical weed in Texas at all It's like 0 .3 % you could get If you have If you're dying next week or something Right which is kind of weird Because you know Not that I You know I mean you can buy The edibles that you can buy or THC edibles.

[1517] And they, but they got it, that law passed because they didn't understand the law because they were going by weight of something and but they didn't realize that they're saying, okay, these gummies are 14%.

[1518] You know, so they're trying to fight it now, but right now it's legal to buy that.

[1519] But, and then something that's just like pot, like one milligram or whatever off, you know, they sell that.

[1520] Delta nine.

[1521] Delta nine.

[1522] I don't smoke it because, you know, it's classified as marijuana and I would never do anything Good for you.

[1523] The illegal.

[1524] Well, I witnessed Brian Simpson take a few of those gummies.

[1525] Yeah, right?

[1526] And they were supposed to be very mild, and he was very upset at how fucked up he was.

[1527] He was very upset.

[1528] He was like, this is outrageous.

[1529] He was shocked.

[1530] Does that?

[1531] Does the smelling salts wake anybody up out of that?

[1532] I've never tried.

[1533] Ooh, that's a good question.

[1534] That's a solid question, Jamie.

[1535] What is the question?

[1536] He said it's smelling salts, wake someone up out of like a wee stupor.

[1537] Yeah, it will because I've used those ones that are on the table in the green room.

[1538] to, yeah, have you ever get two stone to do a set and then you just pick up one of those salts and just jerk you're right out of it for a minute?

[1539] You've only taken the ones that we have at the mothership then.

[1540] The what?

[1541] You've never had the smelling salts here.

[1542] No. Oh, this is significantly stronger.

[1543] Here at the...

[1544] The stuff that we have here in the studio versus the stuff that we have in the green room.

[1545] The stuff we have in the green room is kind of old.

[1546] So when you open it, you really got to get your nose in there and really dig in.

[1547] This motherfucker will not.

[1548] knock your dick into the dirt this is what makes you think i want my not i wouldn't say you do dick knocked into the dirt it's worth experiencing all right because it's so potent it's shocking wait let me get ready you got a fresh one or yeah you got any freshies still four i think fresh ones well let me see how bad what's do we have these in any chronological order all right let me grab one i'll see what we got i'm sure that's definitely gonna do the job all right we'll see what's up in here.

[1549] Let's see what's up.

[1550] Here we go.

[1551] You'll know which one's stronger right away.

[1552] Oh, that's probably pretty good then.

[1553] This one's very legit.

[1554] Okay.

[1555] Yeah, I'm not going to do it.

[1556] No, no, no, no, no. You need to.

[1557] No, hey, I don't want whatever it caused you to look like you just look like you're about to.

[1558] I feel great.

[1559] I feel great now.

[1560] Give me, let me. Right now, I feel great thing.

[1561] Who.

[1562] Um, I don't know if that would.

[1563] Yeah, I think it would help.

[1564] Oh.

[1565] That's what I'm talking about who don't have any of this is at the glove talking about oh yeah that's what i don't like when people talk shit about how easy smelling salts are oh my god you've never had real smelling salts i've never been this awake in my life that's what i'm saying that's what i'm talking about oh man i'm gonna do one up on the other side shout out to that dude uh juju mufu right am i saying it right yeah shout out to him for creating the greatest smelling salts in the history of the world did you go in for a second yeah yeah oh my god you fucking animal he only got it in one He's an animal.

[1566] He's an animal.

[1567] He only went up one side if I had to get that other side.

[1568] I thought he was going to leave the show.

[1569] Man, I were.

[1570] I was worried you were going to get mad and leave the show.

[1571] That was like meth.

[1572] That's very potent.

[1573] That's what it feels like going down.

[1574] Well, this guy who created this is like this crazy power lift to do.

[1575] But there's no after effect of it.

[1576] Is there?

[1577] No. I don't think you should do it too often.

[1578] I just did it once every 10 seconds.

[1579] It's not making me any smarter.

[1580] Yeah.

[1581] Okay.

[1582] All right.

[1583] Well, I don't have any.

[1584] I don't have any.

[1585] have anywhere to go but fucking up all of us have nowhere to go but up that's what a i's all about but i think uh it's probably not good to do that's that guy he created it look at the body on that son of a bitch look at the crazy shit he can do that full splits in between chairs while holding up it looks like josh blue yeah not in that picture i mean dude's a crazy athlete like that is that is absolutely ridiculous strength to be able to do that and that's preposterous So a lot of those power lifter dudes, they take a big blast of this shit before they lift.

[1586] Okay.

[1587] I'll say I want to look like that, but I'm 67, right?

[1588] Yeah.

[1589] How many hours a day would I have to dedicate of my life?

[1590] No bullshit.

[1591] I mean, of course, I could never get to that.

[1592] No, you couldn't get to that.

[1593] But no bullshit.

[1594] You could change your entire body with weightlifting and steroids in a year.

[1595] We would get you to a Russian scientist, and they'd hook you up with the latest, fucking greatest, top shelf.

[1596] Like, if we got a project.

[1597] Like, did you ever see that documentary, Icarus?

[1598] It's a great...

[1599] I think so.

[1600] Yeah, it's Brian Fogles...

[1601] It's his, right?

[1602] Brian Fogles...

[1603] Why did I freeze there for a minute?

[1604] Brian, who also did The Dissident, which is another amazing documentary.

[1605] But Brian did this.

[1606] race, he did it completely clean, and then he was going to get this Russian doping guy to tell him what to take, and then he was going to do the same race the next year, juiced up.

[1607] He was doing it for a documentary to show what the difference is.

[1608] He's not competitive like he could win.

[1609] He's a very good cyclist, though.

[1610] So in the middle of this process of going through this thing with this Russian guy, it comes out that the Russians cheated in the Sochi Olympics.

[1611] and so when they cheated in the Olympics they used piss that was like fake piss they like smuggled piss through a hole in the wall and this guy was a part of the whole program and he's in this documentary while this is all happening these were cyclists he's a cyclist he gets doped up for this documentary this is what he's doing and so in getting doped up with steroids and EPO he's talking to this guy who's the head of this Russian anti -doping agency who's really just they're just Russian doping.

[1612] So everyone's doped.

[1613] And this guy tells him everything.

[1614] He spills the beans on the whole program.

[1615] And now the guy's in like the fucking witness protection plan.

[1616] They've got him like shuttle all around the country to keep him alive.

[1617] They want Russia wants him dead.

[1618] This fucking guy spilled the, they juice the whole Olympic team.

[1619] And this guy, Brian, got very lucky and caught it in the middle of it happening.

[1620] So it's just dumb luck that the Russians get busted for doping while he's doing a documentary on doping with the guy who did the fucking doping.

[1621] And he didn't have anything to do with them getting exposed.

[1622] No, not at all.

[1623] It was what happened was they used these jars that were supposed to be impregnable.

[1624] Right?

[1625] So there's these jars, you would urinate into the jar, and then once they had your sample, it would be sealed in a way that no one could open.

[1626] Well, they found these micro scratches.

[1627] They're all over the inside of these supposedly sealed jars that led them to believe that someone had figured out a way to hack into that.

[1628] And open these things.

[1629] And they realized that the Russians had figured out a way with a new piece of equipment.

[1630] They engineered, they got their own bottles and they got a, they engineered a tool that would allow them to open it up and then they would put it back on.

[1631] So they would go and they would take the piss out and they would bring it in with a new bottle.

[1632] And the new bottle was filled with clean piss.

[1633] And so there's literally, they had a hole in the wall, literally had a hole in the wall where they were swapping out the clean piss for the dirty piss.

[1634] Look at this.

[1635] They have an official urine sample room, hole in storage space.

[1636] And in the storage space is where they had all the clean urine.

[1637] And they got busted while this guy was doing it.

[1638] So if we got that guy, that Russian room, to turn you into a fucking stud.

[1639] Yeah.

[1640] Just, we need about 16 months.

[1641] You need about 16 months.

[1642] But do we really need a Ron White that's all amped up on that?

[1643] We don't need that.

[1644] No, we don't need that.

[1645] But if you ever want to go that way.

[1646] No. You don't need that.

[1647] But just like, you know, you don't need to play golf.

[1648] Yeah.

[1649] Well, I'm the one that asked the question.

[1650] No, no, no. It's a fair question.

[1651] It's like, how long would it take?

[1652] I mean, you're not obese.

[1653] You're fit because you walk around a lot.

[1654] You're doing a lot of golf.

[1655] You're playing a sport all the time.

[1656] So you're active.

[1657] I stretch for that game.

[1658] So I'm pretty limber for a, you know, 67 -year -old.

[1659] That game looks like it would really benefit from, like, rotational work.

[1660] Yeah.

[1661] Do you do, like, what you ever do with a trainer or do you do, like, cables?

[1662] No, you know what?

[1663] Everything I do in my golf swing right now I do to avoid two tears I've got in my shoulders.

[1664] But for the most part, it doesn't hurt to make that.

[1665] As long because everything stays connected, it's when I do like this that they really hurt.

[1666] Have you ever done stem cells?

[1667] Yeah, well, with the same guys with Ways to Well, folks.

[1668] And it's better than it was because before I couldn't do that at all, and now I can.

[1669] And it doesn't really hurt that bad.

[1670] But before, if I got it to there and just pushed it back a little bit, it not only hurt, it hurt when I quit doing it.

[1671] And still, you know, it's not exactly right.

[1672] It's not exactly right.

[1673] I have a plan that can help you tremendously that I use for my shoulders.

[1674] I have no affiliation with this company.

[1675] It's called crossover symmetry.

[1676] I bought it.

[1677] I bought it online.

[1678] I think I bought it on Amazon.

[1679] I had one at home and one at the gym.

[1680] It's a bunch of different cords.

[1681] They attach to posts.

[1682] And they have these cables.

[1683] and some of them are like 10 pounds, some of them are 15 pounds, some of are 25 pounds.

[1684] And they give you a plaque, and the plaque has a series of different exercises for your shoulders, all for shoulder strength.

[1685] It makes a giant difference, a giant difference.

[1686] So you use these cables, and it's not hard work.

[1687] You're not, like, lifting heavy weight or anything like this.

[1688] This is, like, rehabilitation and strength work.

[1689] So on the last ones, you are getting, like, a good pump, but it's very controlled.

[1690] It's very controllable.

[1691] and in the process, you're strengthening your shoulders.

[1692] You're strengthening all the things that are not that strong, which is why you're probably getting injured in the first place, unless it's some sort of a catastrophic situation.

[1693] For the most part, people get injured because their shoulders just aren't in good condition.

[1694] Now, I fell when I was young off a cliff into a pool.

[1695] It was 78 feet.

[1696] Hamilton's pool right over here in Austin, Texas.

[1697] And I landed not like you should land.

[1698] Okay, so it was catastrophic.

[1699] And it ripped everything.

[1700] It sprained both wrists and my shoulders.

[1701] But I never had it looked at it.

[1702] It was just bad for a long time.

[1703] And I had it just a few years ago in Beverly Hills.

[1704] I had them do a cat scan or whatever the fuck.

[1705] MRI probably.

[1706] Would they say?

[1707] They said he got tears in both of them.

[1708] There, that's where I fell right here.

[1709] It was 78 feet.

[1710] Oh, my God.

[1711] And it was standing at the top where people were jumping off and I was really drunk.

[1712] And I didn't really jump off.

[1713] I kind of tripped and stumbled and then just went, oh, well, I'm going with it and fell off.

[1714] shit and uh and i just landed like i was sitting down with my arms kind of back and it was just oh god how deep is the water well it turned out i wasn't very deep into it it's a pretty deep pool but i don't even know but i was this far underwater because that's how flat i landed i didn't even go underwater and uh so no that must have sucked i knocked the breath out of me and people were like are you okay and i'm like i which they they took that to mean i'm fine yeah don't do a thing Even if you have damage to your shoulders, that shoulder strengthening program will help you.

[1715] It'll help you retain range of motion because you're doing it kind of slowly.

[1716] And if you just stay persistent with it and consistent and just do it every day.

[1717] And if you're doing it every day, you're not even doing it like that hard.

[1718] It's not like a thing where you're like killing yourself.

[1719] But you're doing like eyes wise and tease with like little dumbbells, do things like that.

[1720] And do just do like easy things that strengthen your shoulder.

[1721] You'd be amazed at how much more shoulder mobility and strength you'd have if you just strengthen all the connective stuff.

[1722] Yeah, I'm sure.

[1723] I'm sure that doing anything would be more than I'm doing now, which is absolutely nothing.

[1724] Yeah, get a fucking trainer, Ron.

[1725] Get some.

[1726] You know what?

[1727] I tried to get.

[1728] I used to have.

[1729] Sassy young lady that's going to crack you into shape.

[1730] I used to have my yoga instructor would come over my house every day or five days a week, and she was beautiful and smart and funny, and she was great.

[1731] And it was basically a yoga nap.

[1732] It was so easy.

[1733] Breathing and then, you know, with smells.

[1734] And she was all mystical and shit.

[1735] I like it.

[1736] And, uh, but my girlfriend was like, eh.

[1737] Yeah.

[1738] Yeah, I think you.

[1739] Good calling her part.

[1740] Right, right.

[1741] Yeah, she was all over me. She's never wrong.

[1742] She's got this intuition and she's never been wrong.

[1743] Yeah.

[1744] They don't want that around your man. That's them yoga freaks.

[1745] Yeah.

[1746] They're a little bit more in tune to sexuality.

[1747] You're in a room.

[1748] It's 94 degrees.

[1749] and they're all sweating on top of each other.

[1750] Yeah.

[1751] Yeah, it has a lasting impression.

[1752] I mean, everybody's a little bit more free after a yoga class.

[1753] But it was still good for me. It was a good way to start the day.

[1754] Oh, yeah, it's a great way to start a day.

[1755] I used to love doing it that way when I lived in California.

[1756] I used to do the Beekrum style.

[1757] They changed the name after he got busted a bunch of times, but it was Beekrums when I first started.

[1758] And it was that series of, of poses, which I think he just popularized.

[1759] I don't believe any of them.

[1760] I don't even know if he put them in that order, if they were already in that order that people do them, but whatever it is, that order, forget what you think about him, as gross as that guy is.

[1761] That guy is, he's very funny.

[1762] He wasn't, he wasn't all that gross.

[1763] People would pay one million dollars for one drop of my sperm.

[1764] You ever see him say that?

[1765] You ever see him say that?

[1766] A million dollars for it.

[1767] I earned that.

[1768] I mean, he's a psychopath.

[1769] Yeah.

[1770] Wild man. But that guy...

[1771] That's why you really can't start fucking your followers.

[1772] Yeah.

[1773] Because it's just gonna...

[1774] Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, but yeah, he was getting a lot of...

[1775] He's a cult leader.

[1776] I mean, I think it's just like any other cult, even though it does provide the benefit of the yoga.

[1777] So the thing is, like, whatever it is, like, is you take him out of the equation because it's not...

[1778] They're not his exercises, and I don't think they're his order.

[1779] Can you find out if that's true if you put it in that order?

[1780] If he invented the order.

[1781] But whatever it is, if you just follow those exercises in that order, it's awesome.

[1782] And you do it every day.

[1783] And there's no variation.

[1784] I love variation in a yoga class.

[1785] I love to be able to go into a yoga class that's doing different stuff.

[1786] It's fun.

[1787] But I also love going to this class where it's a 90 -minute class and there's a specific number of movements.

[1788] And you know what they are because you've done this over and over and over and over again.

[1789] It's a fucking challenge.

[1790] And you're all in there, gutting it out together.

[1791] Like, that's a real human struggle.

[1792] I know it sounds ridiculous.

[1793] My experience was nothing like that.

[1794] This was, Kai, I'm on a little thing stretching my back while I'm laying there, breathing in some incense.

[1795] That's good, too, though.

[1796] And, yeah, doing some breath work.

[1797] Listen, that's good, too.

[1798] Just breathing and no grunting.

[1799] Well, with the 90 -minute one, you've got to be hydrated.

[1800] You've got to be prepared for that.

[1801] You've got to get some electrolytes in your system.

[1802] Yeah, I went through a hot yoga one time.

[1803] And I literally threw up in the parking lot.

[1804] I was in there.

[1805] It made me sick, and I'd eat and, you know, whatever.

[1806] I guess you shouldn't eat.

[1807] I think they'd do it at 104.

[1808] I think it's 104 degrees.

[1809] Buchanan also follows a sequence of 26 postures.

[1810] Students improve flexibility and circulation through this sequence with the high temperatures allow them to enter each pose more posture more easily.

[1811] The poses were chosen from Chudhuri from classic Hatha poses designed to systematically move fresh oxygenated blood to 100 %.

[1812] of your body to each organ and fiber so so it was him he came up with this sequence i think he hacked it right think i think he hacked it i'm not finding anything that says he didn't because he made a bunch of claims about winning yoga tournaments in this country and they're like we don't have yoga tournaments in this country so it's a yoga kumatae they meet in the woods yoga to death um okay hatha yoga studio practice different types of yoga most studios try to keep their hot yoga classes anywhere from a balmy 75 degrees to a steamy 95 degrees the elevated temperature.

[1813] I think they do 104.

[1814] Yeah, okay.

[1815] Let's just explain this place.

[1816] Here it goes.

[1817] Since we practice beaky yoga, our goal is to replicate the environment found in southern India.

[1818] Our yoga teacher set the thermostats from 103 to 108 degrees.

[1819] Let's go.

[1820] Now, that's hot yoga.

[1821] That's what Tony does, right?

[1822] He does that every week.

[1823] It's a Pete Floyd music.

[1824] Yeah.

[1825] Yeah, that's...

[1826] He says it's a really good class.

[1827] But he loves doing that hot yoga.

[1828] It keeps Tony normal.

[1829] It helps him with his evil brain.

[1830] Yeah.

[1831] He needs a little...

[1832] a touch of the divine.

[1833] Yeah.

[1834] He needs to be connected.

[1835] I love him to death.

[1836] Oh, he's the best.

[1837] You sold out the fucking Madison Square Garden in three hours.

[1838] Two Madison Square Gardens.

[1839] They're killing the game.

[1840] They deserve everything they're getting.

[1841] You know what?

[1842] And that just, when he came up with that idea, that didn't sound like a good idea to anybody, I don't think.

[1843] You know, that we're going to get guys that suck for sure and they're going to do a minute and we're going to make fun of them or whatever, try to help them.

[1844] You know, but it's such an engaging, amazingly great idea.

[1845] Well, you know what it is?

[1846] It's an idea that was developed entirely by Tony and Red Band together over years.

[1847] So Tony comes up with the idea.

[1848] He partners together with Red Band.

[1849] They figure out how to do this slowly over years.

[1850] So they're doing it in the belly room of the comedy store in front of like 50 fucking people.

[1851] There's no one there in the beginning.

[1852] They're doing from that to selling out Madison Square.

[1853] garden in three hours in like 10 years.

[1854] Right.

[1855] Which is, but...

[1856] Yeah, you can question it all you want to.

[1857] If you leave a great comic alone and let him come up with his own thing and then figure out, no one's better at hosting a show than that guy.

[1858] Oh, nobody.

[1859] He's the best.

[1860] Because he's into wrestling.

[1861] So everything he announces, it's hard to follow the fucking credits that he gives you when he brings you on stage in that thing.

[1862] You know, if you're one of his regulars, you know, you're to think this guy sold out three nights.

[1863] It's fucking Madison Square Garden.

[1864] You've got to go follow that intro.

[1865] Right.

[1866] But, you know, yeah, nobody could do it.

[1867] And nobody else could do it but him.

[1868] He's so quick.

[1869] He's so quick with like roast lines.

[1870] Like when him and David Lucas go at it, I swear, I don't think I ever laugh harder in life.

[1871] When him and David, there's some videos of him and David Lucas going out of where I'm read like a grape and I can't breathe.

[1872] Because I haven't taken in a breath in 30 seconds.

[1873] I'm just laughing.

[1874] I'm just dying.

[1875] they're so good at going back and forth with each other they're so good there's a shit ton of videos we don't have to play any of them but if people are interested there's a shit ton of videos online of tony and david Lucas they're like I've been telling these fucking dudes since the beginning of time not like Tony needs anything else now right if you wanted to do another podcast the podcast is him and David Lucas just talking shit and reading the news I'm like you two get together and just talk shit about the news and start ragging on each other.

[1876] It would be immensely popular.

[1877] Right.

[1878] Immensely popular.

[1879] Those two dudes have magic together.

[1880] There's something about those two characters when they get together and start talking shit to each other.

[1881] And they're both laughing when they get each other.

[1882] There's no hard feelings at all.

[1883] Right.

[1884] None.

[1885] None at all.

[1886] When Tony gets David hard, David is the hardest lapper in the room.

[1887] He's laughing harder than anybody and he's enjoying it.

[1888] He doesn't feel bad at all.

[1889] Not even a smidgen.

[1890] And neither does Tony.

[1891] When Tony, when David gets Tony and Tony goes, you son of a bitch.

[1892] Yeah, you son of a bitch.

[1893] You got me. This son of a bitch.

[1894] He starts talking about his bald spot.

[1895] You son of a bitch.

[1896] You son of a bitch.

[1897] They have so much fun.

[1898] It's amazing because it's just such a well -oiled machine.

[1899] It's just been running so smooth for so long.

[1900] And then the New Year shows just took them to a totally different level.

[1901] You know, having Jelly Roll come out there and sing to open up the show.

[1902] What the fuck, man. Yeah.

[1903] What the fuck.

[1904] Everybody wants to participate, you know.

[1905] Oh, my God.

[1906] It's so special.

[1907] It's fucking awesome.

[1908] And it's, I tell everybody, it's the cornerstone of stand -up comedy in Austin.

[1909] It's the cornerstone because it's a place where people can get their first time ever on stage and you could do it in front of a million fucking people.

[1910] Yeah, I don't know.

[1911] I was pretty nervous, and it was like 85 people.

[1912] Yeah, but it's okay.

[1913] Like, do you want to do this or not?

[1914] Right.

[1915] Oh, you know what?

[1916] See, that's not you.

[1917] It's the most amazing thing.

[1918] People coming up.

[1919] Because it does send a net out there to find talented people that they might not have seen that avenue to get to where we are another way.

[1920] You know, but they're fans of that.

[1921] They're like, I could do that.

[1922] And then they do what it takes to get in it.

[1923] And also it encourages the spread of other rooms around town.

[1924] You've got enough talent that they get together.

[1925] And then a guy says, hey, I have a room.

[1926] Do you guys want to book a room?

[1927] Do you want to?

[1928] And then you always get that from the more industrious of the comics.

[1929] They'll like figure, oh, we've got a bar over here.

[1930] Oh, yeah.

[1931] Tuesday night, comedy night.

[1932] And so the amount of work that folks can get around here is crazy right now.

[1933] You know what I used to do?

[1934] I used to go to hotels that had a restaurant in them.

[1935] And I'd have set up a comedy competition where you won $25 and a meal for two people.

[1936] And then I would only invite comics.

[1937] I knew I could beat because I wanted that money.

[1938] I needed it at 25 bucks and that free dinner for two.

[1939] Me and Lori Marshall's mom would go down there just happy as we could be eating our free food.

[1940] I want another one, you know.

[1941] That's hilarious.

[1942] Well, yeah, I couldn't get a hold of them.

[1943] That's smart.

[1944] Oh, yeah.

[1945] What a great way to.

[1946] A little stage time.

[1947] Nice.

[1948] That's a good scam.

[1949] Free food.

[1950] That's a solid scam.

[1951] Yeah.

[1952] Yeah, when I lived in Boston, we were real lucky.

[1953] There were so many road gigs.

[1954] There were so many gigs you could do.

[1955] on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

[1956] You could almost work seven days a week if you knew enough booking agents and you were willing to drive.

[1957] You had a reliable car.

[1958] You go to New Hampshire one night.

[1959] Next night you're in Bill Ricka.

[1960] Next night you're in Rhode Island.

[1961] Like, you're moving around.

[1962] Well, you know what I did, which was pretty smart.

[1963] And I never accused myself of being smart very often.

[1964] But I noticed that really you're a master of ceremonies.

[1965] You're not the opening act.

[1966] You know, your biggest job as the opener was to be the MC.

[1967] you know and so if you did a written i noticed everybody was doing a really shitty job they had a crinkled up notes in their pocket next week at the thing and i was like and uh i'm like i'm gonna get good at that you know and my act too but i'm gonna do a really good job i'm gonna study the notes i'm gonna know them i'm gonna make it look like a show you know i'm gonna do a better job at being a host than those guys are and then i had i had there were four clubs in the dallas area i worked one of them once a month as the opening act so So I worked every goddamn nine shows a week.

[1968] And, but you know why?

[1969] Because I was a better fucking host.

[1970] Not because I was funnier.

[1971] I was just, I made it look like showbiz.

[1972] That's nice.

[1973] Make it look like a slick fucking deal.

[1974] Yeah.

[1975] That's what Tony does.

[1976] He makes it look like a, look like a fucking, the right kind of package, you know.

[1977] It's done the right way.

[1978] But it's also wild, too.

[1979] That shows wild.

[1980] Some of the shit they say is so wild.

[1981] It's so, they so go for it.

[1982] Well, that's why, you know, that's what I love about it because you don't know.

[1983] You don't know.

[1984] That deck ain't stack.

[1985] folks.

[1986] Let me tell you something.

[1987] I tried to stack it one time because my banker wanted to do stand up and I thought I could just slide him in.

[1988] They were like, no fucking way.

[1989] They'd do those come out of a hat.

[1990] We don't know who they are.

[1991] It's the only way to do it.

[1992] And you guys explained to me and I'm like, of course that's right.

[1993] It has to be like biblical law.

[1994] Yeah.

[1995] You know, like you have to just really reach in there and really get a piece.

[1996] Otherwise you're lying about the whole thing.

[1997] Right, right.

[1998] And I'm telling you folks, I tried.

[1999] And And I was shot down.

[2000] No, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a show crackles.

[2001] I had to go back to my banker and go, uh, yeah, I can't do anything really to help you.

[2002] That's hilarious, your banker.

[2003] Yeah.

[2004] He's going to give you an interest rate decrease.

[2005] I'm sure he's hilarious.

[2006] The world's missing out of something big.

[2007] It'd be fun to watch a bomb.

[2008] But you know what?

[2009] The thing is, you can come up there and with a recommendation from me, you can do three minutes on Monday night.

[2010] Sure.

[2011] Yeah, you do an open mic night.

[2012] So that's, then that's what he did.

[2013] Well, that's a great way to start.

[2014] That's how you want to start.

[2015] I don't want to start on Kill Tony, but a lot of people have...

[2016] Well, yeah, right.

[2017] That's what I mean.

[2018] That would be a hard place to start.

[2019] Insane.

[2020] And especially, you know, it's a million fucking people.

[2021] But also, like, amazing thing to document, if that really was the first time, and you actually wound up running on from there and having a career.

[2022] Yeah, and you'd have good footage of it, you know?

[2023] Yeah.

[2024] I mean, look, it can be done.

[2025] It can be done.

[2026] If you're funny.

[2027] There's just people out there that are...

[2028] We all know people that are so funny.

[2029] For whatever reason, never decided you stand up.

[2030] Yeah.

[2031] For me, it was my boss.

[2032] I was working for a private investigator at one point.

[2033] point in time and he lost his license drinking driving and he put in an ad for a private investigators assistant was really just someone to drive him around because he didn't have a license and so I was looking for like unconventional ways to make money while I was doing martial arts so that was what I decided to do I started working for this guy when I was doing stand -up comedy when I just started I was just like one open mic two open mics in like I just started and I met this dude and he was absolutely the funniest dude I'd ever met in my life I couldn't believe how funny was.

[2034] Funny than any of the comedians at the clubs.

[2035] Totally natural laughing about everything.

[2036] And the guy fucking went cold turkey.

[2037] No AA, no programs, no nothing.

[2038] Crash his car, ran from the cops, got busted, and he's like, you know what?

[2039] I'm fucking done.

[2040] I'm fucking done.

[2041] This guy was a character, man. He was a fucking character.

[2042] His name was Dave Dolan.

[2043] He used to call himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan.

[2044] He's about funniest fucking human beings.

[2045] And you just drove him around?

[2046] He drove him around for months, because I forget how long he lost his license for.

[2047] I don't know what it is, you know, when your license gets suspended for DUI.

[2048] But he lost it for quite a amount of time.

[2049] And during that time, I was making my transition from stand -up, from fighting to stand -up.

[2050] Because I was in the middle of both worlds.

[2051] And it was while I was working for him.

[2052] Were you still playing pool at the time?

[2053] Were you playing a competitive pool at all?

[2054] No, I wasn't playing pool at all.

[2055] I didn't start playing pool until I hurt my knee.

[2056] I mean, I played a couple of times here and there with friends, but I wasn't really into it until I tore my ACL.

[2057] You know, if you have an ACL injury, it has to be diagnosed, then you have to schedule an appointment, you have to get surgery.

[2058] So it was a long time where I couldn't do any martial arts.

[2059] It was just too unstable and it was really fucked up.

[2060] I had badly tore my ACL and tore my meniscus.

[2061] It was like real wobbly.

[2062] So I really couldn't do martial arts.

[2063] So it was only just like lifting weights and I was looking for something challenging to do.

[2064] And me and my friend would go, he got a job.

[2065] My friend John got a job working at this pool hall.

[2066] And he and I would just go there and just knock balls around for free during the day because he was working there.

[2067] Right.

[2068] So he'd be like working on the counter.

[2069] And I just got obsessed with it, man. And I just happened to be around all these people that were like really good players.

[2070] Like high level professionals would come in from the road because it was a gambling pool hall.

[2071] It's called Executive Billiards and White Plains.

[2072] Is this Boston?

[2073] No, this was New York.

[2074] Okay.

[2075] So I didn't really get into pool until I was like 20.

[2076] 23, 24.

[2077] 23 or 24.

[2078] That's when I really started getting into pool.

[2079] And that's before stand -up or?

[2080] No, I was in the middle of stand -up.

[2081] It was a problem where, like, my manager said to me, he goes, I think you care more about pool than you do your career.

[2082] I was like, oh, shit.

[2083] I was like golf.

[2084] It was right.

[2085] Like your golf here.

[2086] I was playing every day, eight, ten hours a day.

[2087] No shit.

[2088] Every day.

[2089] Every day.

[2090] I was traveling to go playing tournaments.

[2091] I was going to tournaments many nights of the week that I could have easily been doing stand -up.

[2092] I was going to play in tournaments.

[2093] I'd go to Connecticut to play, I'd go to Jersey to play.

[2094] I'd go to West End Billiards and watch The Killers play.

[2095] Wow.

[2096] West End Billiards was this place in a real sketchy part of New Jersey.

[2097] Ooh, it was sketchy.

[2098] And it was this place where it was world -renowned as being like a players pool hall.

[2099] Like Hawaiian Rodney Morris was there and fucking Mike Siegel played there.

[2100] Like the greats of all time.

[2101] Did they even have places like that around?

[2102] here where it's not that many of them there's hard times in Sacramento that's still a big one that's a big one they stream big tournaments from there yeah that's that one's legit that's a legit like real players pool hall but there's a there's not a lot of them left in the country unfortunately because the game it's not very publicized except it's got more of a following now because of the internet because people are watching those clips right watching and they realize real high level pool, you know, like Joshua filler.

[2103] Watch that guy play.

[2104] My favorite is this guy from Taiwan.

[2105] His name is Coping Chung.

[2106] He's my favorite.

[2107] He's so smooth.

[2108] When you watch that guy move the ball around the table, it's so effortless and precise.

[2109] And his cue ball control is just magical, magical.

[2110] He played in the U .S. Open and won 11 games in a row on a four -inch pocketed table.

[2111] If you knew how crazy that is to run those kind of racks on a four -inch pocketed table, it's like almost unheard.

[2112] So what is a four?

[2113] I don't even know.

[2114] That's how I don't even know them.

[2115] Okay.

[2116] So if you buy a Brunswick gold crown stock from the factory, it probably has five -inch pockets.

[2117] If you buy a diamond, it has four and a half, but you can get it all the way down to four.

[2118] And they got it all the way down to four.

[2119] Four -inch pockets are fucking small.

[2120] Yeah.

[2121] They're small.

[2122] And this fucking dude ran 11.

[2123] games with four -inch pockets he went through so he ran 11 games i mean like the other guy didn't get a shot for 11 games either the guy had a shot and missed and then he ran out or he had a safety he made a safety and the guy had a kick and then he got the ball back but whatever he did he just played like perfect pool for a number of games see if you watch the guy play man if you really know how to play like it's just effortless there's something about the style and he he just keeps getting better too like every time you see him in each tournament he just gets a little bit better these guys all stopped playing because of the pandemic so for for a couple of years they couldn't play internationally right so they kind of fell off a little bit and only the guys who were in certain tours where you were allowed to still play guys were playing with masks on it got like real weird for a while and some of the guys since international travel was limited they didn't get that high pressure, you know, going to the U .S. Open in Atlantic City.

[2124] That was the big one where he was at.

[2125] That's like a big...

[2126] That's where he was while that was being shot.

[2127] That's all the killers from all around the world gather up in Atlantic City.

[2128] And did they know who's going to win before they go into it?

[2129] You can't know who's going to win.

[2130] They're too good.

[2131] I mean, did they...

[2132] So there's not a number one that's significantly better than everybody else, like there wasn't golf or years with Tiger Woods.

[2133] There's a guy named Shane Van Boning, and he's won more than anyone, and he's won the U .S. Open.

[2134] He's tied with Earl Strickland, who's another one of the all -time grades.

[2135] I think maybe Strickland has more.

[2136] Strickland might have more.

[2137] Who won the most U .S. Open?

[2138] Shane Van Boning or Strickland.

[2139] Either way, this guy wins everything.

[2140] He's won World Nine Ball.

[2141] He's won the U .S. Open multiple times.

[2142] He's favored to beat most people, but that doesn't mean he's going to win because a guy like Coping Chunk could just run out and you might never get a chance.

[2143] And you might never get a shot at it, right?

[2144] Okay, Earl Strickland and Shane Van Bamboning, both from the U .S. Share the record for winning the U .S. Open nine ball championship the most time.

[2145] Five.

[2146] Strickland at 84, 87, 97, 93, 97, and then Van Boning in 2007, 12, 13, 14, and 16.

[2147] He's evil.

[2148] He's evil on the table.

[2149] And when he plays, he shuts his hearing aids off.

[2150] He's got hearing aids.

[2151] He shuts those bitches off.

[2152] He needs to in a world of his own, man. He doesn't hear any jeerian.

[2153] Pinball wizard.

[2154] He's the pinball wizard.

[2155] He's the pinball wizard.

[2156] Yeah, he's a monster.

[2157] Yeah, he's a monster.

[2158] one of the greatest players of all time.

[2159] Like if you have a list of the top five greatest players of all time, and you have Shane Van Boning on that list, we're not having a conversation.

[2160] You're a silly person.

[2161] And what's his mothership?

[2162] Where does he go to hang out and play pool?

[2163] South Dakota's where he started out.

[2164] They called him a South Dakota kid.

[2165] He had a table in the basement that had really tight pockets, and he would practice his break on it so much that the center of the table was just white from being compressed from the cue ball, smashing into the rack, and then slapping down the same spot over.

[2166] He broke so much that he created like a white cloud around where you racked the balls.

[2167] Because he's just obsessed.

[2168] And like universally regarded as one of the greatest breakers of all time, if not the greatest.

[2169] So these guys are on some spectrum.

[2170] A hundred.

[2171] Yeah.

[2172] Right.

[2173] Because it's got a matter.

[2174] You have to be.

[2175] Yeah.

[2176] You have to be.

[2177] You want to compete?

[2178] Yeah.

[2179] Go get vaccinated.

[2180] We need you.

[2181] We need you in a fucking.

[2182] in different realm.

[2183] No, there's a lot of guys that are like super normal that are high level competitors that are like normal guys.

[2184] Like you could hang out with them.

[2185] They're cool as fuck.

[2186] It's just an obsession that they could have been doing that with anything else.

[2187] Could have been disc golf.

[2188] It could have been frisbee.

[2189] Carpentry.

[2190] Whatever it is.

[2191] These are just obsessive people that are fascinated by the game.

[2192] It's a crazy tiger stat I just saw over the weekend.

[2193] Over a 10 -year stretch from 99 to 2009, Tiger was more likely to win 34 % than finished ninth or worse, 32 % for 10 years.

[2194] That's the same.

[2195] Yeah, he's a monster.

[2196] Yeah, nobody ever wrecks up those kinds of numbers.

[2197] Oh, she's a monster.

[2198] You've got 150 people every week, so you should win one out of 152, you know, uh, and instead of 25 % of the ones that you fucking enter, it's just crazy.

[2199] Yeah, you have to be.

[2200] I'd never be done again.

[2201] I'd like to think.

[2202] A mad genius to pull that off.

[2203] And a mad genius raised by his dad to be that from the time he was really young you know yeah you'd have to have a springboard right yeah I mean that's what he was right and also like if your dad plays golf man if someone in your family plays I really really wonder this if you are you transferring some of your comedy into your kids are you transferring some of your they've said that even bad ideas like even racism can be inherited this is like a speculation I forget how they ran that study but they think that There's some aspect of thinking and of life and of experiences that somehow or another gets transferred to your kid, which makes sense because the big ones do, like fear of spiders, fear of like monsters in the basement.

[2204] Those fears that kids have, you think they come?

[2205] They come from memories of being eaten by cats, almost entirely.

[2206] It's thousands of years of proto -hominids being slaughtered by cats.

[2207] Oh, wow.

[2208] Yeah, that's what we're scared of monsters.

[2209] It just doesn't bother me, I guess.

[2210] Well, it would if we were outside, Ron White.

[2211] Yeah, I feel safe in here.

[2212] I feel safe in here with your big frog burps.

[2213] Yeah.

[2214] Big frog burps.

[2215] We have to have protection from the animals, folks.

[2216] Don't get cocky.

[2217] People are getting cocky right now.

[2218] They're getting cocky.

[2219] Talking about bringing grizzly bears back.

[2220] Shut your fucking dirty mouth.

[2221] Do you want grizzly bears in Beverly Hills?

[2222] If they're going to be fully protected and you can't do anything about it, are you going to count on the wildlife people to be able to get the grizzly bear?

[2223] And you, yeah, and you've got to...

[2224] Before it eats you?

[2225] I'm going to tell you right now, if that grizzly wants to fuck you, just let him fuck you.

[2226] Let him fuck you.

[2227] That's the best case scenario.

[2228] Don't fight back, don't argue.

[2229] Push back.

[2230] Push back.

[2231] Pushback.

[2232] Make all the right noises.

[2233] Do whatever it takes.

[2234] Pretend like you love it.

[2235] You love it.

[2236] You love living.

[2237] Let that bear fuck you.

[2238] Yeah.

[2239] You imagine the kind of VD you get from a grizzly bear.

[2240] Oh, my God.

[2241] You think that's what's going on after?

[2242] Yeah, I think so.

[2243] Well, that, I think we tried to make that connection with syphilis.

[2244] I don't think we did.

[2245] But there was, I think someone had told me that there was two, it was a fucking really smart guy.

[2246] I forget who it was.

[2247] But if someone told me that there was two different strains of syphilis, and one of them seems to have definitely come from North America.

[2248] So, like, sailors came over in the 1400s with like the Pinta and the Santa Maria and shit.

[2249] When they went back, they brought syphilis with them.

[2250] Because it seems like there was a different strain of syphilis that ran through Europe during that time period.

[2251] The same place where these people had just got back from North America.

[2252] So they picked it up from our locals.

[2253] Yeah.

[2254] And took it back with them.

[2255] Well, what's what we did?

[2256] We gave them horrible diseases.

[2257] They gave us a few.

[2258] Make fucking holes in your face.

[2259] The syphilis one was a wild one.

[2260] That's a wild one.

[2261] I got a lot of guys, man. Ooh, killed a lot of people.

[2262] Killed Al Capone.

[2263] That slow brain rotting.

[2264] fucking nothing you can do about it isn't it scary that the diseases like that come from sex so weird so weird that nature is so concerned that we're going to overpopulate that it gives you diseases that you only get from sex you have to live in fear there's a scariest one syphilis and AIDS what scares you more than syphilis and AIDS if you get a person doc I'm not feeling so good syphilis or AIDS either one like oh shit syphilis I guess I don't know a fucking problem Manchin Dawson's doing okay Man as much shit as people talk about Like pharmaceutical drug companies Or medical science in general I am so thankful they exist Because if it wasn't for them If there was no penicillin Do you know how fucked we'd be And I know people are saying Oh people are abusing antibiotics They are, they are That's true But isn't it great That we have antibiotics?

[2265] Because if it wasn't Half the fucking people would be dead not half but you know what it's like back in the day if you got a staff infection that was a wrap that was it buddy that's right it's going systemic it's taken over your blood yeah and if you had breast cancer you were done that's just pure death sentence bone breaks that's a wrap you're losing that leg yeah teeth gone done you don't eat you starve you can't keep up there's this um tribe that i was reading about i forget whose book was it uh but it was about um what happens with the older women in this tribe it's horrible that the younger males when they realize the older women aren't keeping up anymore they'll sneak behind them and bludging them over the head and what's not keeping up they don't keep up because they're nomadic tribal people and it's you know oh you mean they're like lagging behind the group as it moves exactly exactly and then what happens to them they get killed by the younger males so they have a fear of the young males and they have a natural a natural Yeah, it's supposedly accepted in the tribe because it's understood that at a certain time, you're not, you're, you're putting them in danger.

[2266] You're putting them in danger by slowing them down.

[2267] Right.

[2268] It's really dark.

[2269] It's really dark.

[2270] I think, was it Malcolm Gladwell?

[2271] I don't remember who, who.

[2272] No, Killers of the Flower Moon was the, um.

[2273] I know.

[2274] I googled tribe, young males kill older women book, and that's what's popping up.

[2275] They did that as well.

[2276] It's just that book is popping up.

[2277] They might have talked about it.

[2278] They might have talked about it.

[2279] They might, I didn't see that movie yet.

[2280] I heard it's awesome, though.

[2281] Have you seen it?

[2282] Killers of a phone movie?

[2283] No, I haven't seen it.

[2284] You see it, Jamie?

[2285] I was going to watch it last night.

[2286] Just didn't.

[2287] Well, Jamie, where's your report?

[2288] What's it on your report?

[2289] It's still available for rent.

[2290] It'll be on something Apple or something next month.

[2291] I don't know.

[2292] I think it's on an I movie right now.

[2293] Yeah, it's on everything to ramp and buy.

[2294] Like, it's just not available for free streaming.

[2295] Oh, I see.

[2296] I got money.

[2297] He's got money.

[2298] Why are you saying?

[2299] Why are you trying to save Bronny -39?

[2300] want to buy it?

[2301] Do you want to rent it?

[2302] I don't have that kind of money.

[2303] I'm not going to buy it.

[2304] I'm not going to buy it.

[2305] I give you an option to watch it over for the rest of your life.

[2306] Right.

[2307] Well, sometimes they take that shit away.

[2308] Do you?

[2309] It's happened.

[2310] Even if you buy it?

[2311] Do they refund your money?

[2312] No, no. I mean, like if you don't buy it.

[2313] Oh, then you can't get it again.

[2314] Can't get it when you want it.

[2315] Oh, that's interesting.

[2316] So is that like they have long term deals, like Apple would have a deal?

[2317] But I thought I was buying stuff on iTunes and it's just disappeared.

[2318] I mean, things I bought, you know, are just gone on iTunes.

[2319] Now it says they're not available in the country that you're in.

[2320] I'm like, this is the country.

[2321] This is the country.

[2322] This is the country.

[2323] I bought them in.

[2324] Yeah, that's weird.

[2325] That might be a glitch.

[2326] I don't know how that works.

[2327] I don't know.

[2328] But I was reading something very bizarre about Google and their terms of service and what they're going to do to adjust something for a sensitive event.

[2329] Did you see that?

[2330] I could send you the article, but it was one of those ones where I read it and I was like, I read like one paragraph into it.

[2331] And I was like, Jesus Christ, this is starting to make me angry.

[2332] I don't want to read into this.

[2333] Well, I don't know where my phone is.

[2334] but I wanted to ask because it's something literally if I go to Almond Brothers and I want to listen to a song it says no longer available in the country you're in and that's iTunes and then I can but I can push the button and say play the Alman Brothers band and it'll play it but I don't have it at my command on iTunes like I did I don't know where it went I thought I was buying that stuff that's what I meant but apparently I wasn't buying it I just thought I was buying it it because it isn't there anymore.

[2335] Yeah, I don't know how that works.

[2336] They must have some different licensing deals with certain songs.

[2337] Jamie, that's not it.

[2338] It's something that was real recent.

[2339] And they were talking about what they would do for a significant cultural event.

[2340] Let me see if I could go out.

[2341] This is a new policy going to effect February 2024.

[2342] Clearly defines what constitutes a, quote, sensitive event for purposes of prohibiting certain exploitative or insensitive ads and content.

[2343] Yeah, that's it.

[2344] Well, Google already had policies in place for ads and YouTube monetization.

[2345] This expands the restrictions to Google's publisher network as well.

[2346] And so it was defined in a certain way.

[2347] See if you could pull up what it actually says.

[2348] Because the way it was defined, what disturbed me was that it's very blanket.

[2349] A sensitive event is defined, rather, as an unforeseen or unexpected situation that poses a significant risk to Google's ability to provide high -quality, relevant information while reducing insensitive.

[2350] Insensitive content is that, I have a concern with that.

[2351] Insensitive content in prominent and monetized features.

[2352] Insensitive content.

[2353] Insensitive to who?

[2354] Exactly.

[2355] So open and subjective.

[2356] Now, listen to this, though.

[2357] Sensitive events include those with major social, cultural, or political impact, such as civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crises, terrorism, conflict, or mass violence.

[2358] So what they're saying is you must be sensitive if you're going to discuss civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crises, any thing with a major social, cultural or political impact, terrorism, mass violence, you must now be sensitive.

[2359] The thing is, like, whatever they're trying to say, whatever they're trying to do, to make the online world a nicer place, you've got to be really careful with saying things like that.

[2360] Because sensitive is a weird term.

[2361] If someone is violently opposed to who?

[2362] Right.

[2363] Also, what someone is violently opposed to something that's happening?

[2364] Like, think about one or many of the military conflicts around the world.

[2365] Don't pick aside.

[2366] What if someone is violently opposed to these people dying and losing their lives and they're talking about it?

[2367] Is that an insensitive piece of content that can now be censored by a new policy?

[2368] Is that what it is?

[2369] Or is they just going to demonetize it, which they've kind of always done?

[2370] I think this was talking about people who are making.

[2371] ads using their platform not people who are hosting content on their platforms.

[2372] I got to admit I'm a little lost on this one I think I see so if any of the listeners out there are also a little confused as though no it's about them having the ability to censor you so if you do the Ron White show on YouTube right which is owned by Google if they decide that this something of whatever you're doing is in somehow or another offense they would want to edit it I don't know what they're saying they can and can't do I think it's making I don't know if it has to do with the content.

[2373] That, again, that's on YouTube.

[2374] I think this policy content change is for people who use the Google Ads platform and create ads like this one I'm showing you right here so that you can't abuse it.

[2375] You can't monetize it.

[2376] But look how it's phrased, please.

[2377] Go back to the top sentence.

[2378] So look at which one?

[2379] It says the updated policy provides practicing including price gouging, misdirected traffic, and victim blaming during sensitive events.

[2380] I'm with the first ones.

[2381] Price gouging, misdirected traffic.

[2382] I'm with those.

[2383] But victim blaming during sensitive events, that one gets touchy.

[2384] Because, like, what do we...

[2385] It's just using the ads, though.

[2386] It's like making some weird ad to pop up to get you to click on something that's going to pop up on content that might be about that event or anything like that.

[2387] I understand.

[2388] But victim blaming, the thing about victim blaming is you can do it both ways, right?

[2389] Like victim blaming, like with Hamas and Palestine and Israel, you could go...

[2390] You could victim blame on both sides.

[2391] You could say the Israelis were doing this, and that's why Hamas had to attack.

[2392] And then you say Hamas attacked, and that's why the Israelis are doing.

[2393] doing this and you fucking people should have known better and you fucking people should have known better that's victim blaming sure you gotta let people talk yeah and if talking looks like victim blaming until people working out then why not you can't stop people from talking so what are we saying are we saying that it's just they can't monetize that well then what happens is if you're not monetizing stuff you let people know that unless they self -censor it's gonna cost them financially even if the ads like like say if the represents a company that is actually interested in this discussion and wants to know like what is the right what's the right perspective on this who's most informed who's looking at this the most correctly if you're a company and you're why wouldn't you want to advertise i'm something where people are just talking about what may or may not be happening in the world and if you're going to do that on youtube then you have to worry about you're losing your ability to make a living now.

[2394] It's like, oh, is that what happens?

[2395] I don't know.

[2396] I don't know.

[2397] I mean, is this, this is just a blanket policy in case of the most egregious offenses that all people agree are terrible and should probably not be okay?

[2398] But then who gets to decide that?

[2399] What happened to the frogs, eating the mouths and shit like that?

[2400] Ron White, this is the future of people being able to talk shit.

[2401] That's what it is.

[2402] No, I believe that, you know.

[2403] It's kind of the future of people being able to talk shit because this is how it goes away right it goes away through stuff like that sure it goes away through people deciding that something's insensitive which is like 98 % of all jokes right yeah you don't want to come to my you don't want to come to my show that's what I'm saying here's their examples they get okay here's some examples all right violations this okay what is examples on exhaustive ads that claim victims of oh ads that claim victims of sensitive vent responsible for their own tragedy or similar instances This is a victim, okay, ads.

[2404] So it's just about ads.

[2405] Yeah, at least for now it is.

[2406] You know, maybe they could switch it and be like, now all content, but.

[2407] Well, that's completely reasonable.

[2408] If it's just about ads, that's completely reasonable.

[2409] Right.

[2410] Yeah.

[2411] I guess you should want to be able to control how fucked up the ads are.

[2412] Because that's kind of, well, is it?

[2413] It's just sad.

[2414] They're just like, you can use other parts of the internet that can still do that.

[2415] But you can't use propaganda, you can't lie.

[2416] You can't use Google ads, which is the biggest part of the internet advertising.

[2417] world right they shut you out do it somewhere else is all they're saying right that's seems reasonable yeah that's pretty reasonable as long as they're not doing that with the actual content of the the the podcast because i do know that they demonetize they demonetize people all the time if you talk about certain subjects it's it's always been a problem is yeah and they don't do that to you they used to do it yeah they used to do it up until the time when we switched over to spotify on the website this is specifically under advertising policy yeah i think it's kind of do it to anybody or no no they do it to other people they do it to other people all the time but they stopped doing it to us for like three months like where they didn't give us any things we're doing the same show right i don't know any other way to do this you got to sit down and talk shit it's the only way to do it right if i change that for somebody that's going to censor something or i'm going to lose money like what are you talking about like i can't change what i do no i have zero interest in doing that yeah you know and if i don't think it's offensive then that's it's the end of the conversation I think you're pretty sensitive.

[2418] Yeah, I'm sensitive.

[2419] I try to be sensitive about these kind of things.

[2420] It's just you got to let people talk.

[2421] And just because people disagree with you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.

[2422] Did you see that clip?

[2423] He was the way he was phrasing, it was actually kind of funny.

[2424] He was talking about white frailty or white anxiety, that it's a public health crisis, that white people who vote Republican, it's just like an opioid epidemic.

[2425] This guy was comparing the two.

[2426] Here, I'm going to put it, you want to send this to you, Jamie.

[2427] I don't know where this is.

[2428] I don't know where he said this.

[2429] I just saw it on Twitter.

[2430] And I'm like, man, you got to get out of the house.

[2431] You got to go hang out with some different folks.

[2432] Yeah.

[2433] They don't have an opioid epidemic.

[2434] There's a lot of people that are, the conservative people that are like really clear -thinking people.

[2435] Like, absolutely.

[2436] Yeah, they just, they don't, they think this is a mess, and they want things to change.

[2437] Right.

[2438] want the rule of law put back in place.

[2439] It doesn't mean they're on opiates.

[2440] This is so crazy to say that everybody who doesn't agree with you is on drugs.

[2441] Well, you know, and that gets fired back on both sides.

[2442] Because now you're in a stupid war where you're like you're stupid.

[2443] You're stupid.

[2444] You're stupid.

[2445] You're people are on drugs.

[2446] Who brought back name calling?

[2447] Yeah.

[2448] Was that?

[2449] I don't know.

[2450] If you had been taught equality from the beginning, you wouldn't be flipping out.

[2451] But that's how hegemonic dominance works.

[2452] And so I think that's why it happens.

[2453] And we have to be willing to talk about that because it's really unhealthy.

[2454] This white anxiety is a public health crisis in that regard.

[2455] And that's why, you know, not only we were talking in the other room a minute ago before we came in here, you know, that it's not just the opioid crisis that we think about with folks killing themselves disproportionately, increasingly white working class folks who are, you know, using heroin or using over -the -counter opioids.

[2456] But they're political opioids, turning to a candidate who says, you vote for me and I will take away your pain.

[2457] bring back those jobs I will make your life better that's a form of an opiate as well so we got to be honest about about the dysfunctionality and the real danger of the front lash backlash whatever we want to call it even for the people who are you know thinking they're going to benefit from it yeah what you see right there is a wild instance of someone that's used to being around like a certain type of people to think a certain type of way right and think it's okay to say it out loud everyone's going to go along a bigger forum and you put that out there to the world and the whole world is like what the fuck are you talking about what are you talking about they're not on opioids what are you saying and why are you dressed like that you shouldn't even have an opinion that doesn't bother me at all he's dressed like edie i mean would dress in a casual setting let me see it again i didn't even think about how he's dressed i just thought about what he was saying that he it just dressed like a regular guy.

[2458] It's paramilitary.

[2459] No, it is.

[2460] It's like a car -hard shirt.

[2461] No. That guy doesn't look paramilitary at all.

[2462] Ron White.

[2463] Maybe I saw it in his eyes.

[2464] I don't know.

[2465] No. Well, it's kind of, it's kind of a very fascist perspective.

[2466] Come on.

[2467] No, it's just a shirt with two buttons.

[2468] It's just a shirt with two pockets.

[2469] It's just a shirt with no good.

[2470] It looks like something to have suits on.

[2471] Why not wear a suit?

[2472] Um, it's probably a casual guy.

[2473] Casual guy tuned into the younger people.

[2474] Casual Friday.

[2475] You just like that, that's a crazy thing to say.

[2476] And it's also, it's not a nuanced perspective on the whole race issue in this country, in this world.

[2477] It's a silly thing to do to say that all people that are Republicans that are these white people are like on opioids and they want someone to rescue them.

[2478] It's so silly.

[2479] It's so stupid to lump them all into white people.

[2480] First of all, because there's a lot of people that are Republican that aren't white.

[2481] There's a shit ton of a man. Go down to Miami.

[2482] Those Cubans are all Republican.

[2483] They're all Republican.

[2484] There's so many Republicans down there.

[2485] It's a silly thing to say.

[2486] And it's also a silly thing to say that the people that oppose you politically are just wrong, so wrong that they're looking for a drug to rescue them.

[2487] Like someone who comes along and says that they can do a better job is offering you heroin.

[2488] I think both sides have a really difficult time understanding the perspective of the other.

[2489] You know, there's just a big swing and a miss, and you could butt heads all day and nothing budges.

[2490] Yep.

[2491] And, you know, I know it's real smart, wealthy guys that disagree with me 100%.

[2492] And so when we're around each other, guess what we don't do, talk about it.

[2493] Because there's so much more, there's so many connections that we do have.

[2494] Yeah.

[2495] You know, why I let that political thing get in the way of friendship?

[2496] Because it sure can't if you let it, you know.

[2497] Here's the problem.

[2498] This is the number one problem.

[2499] People attach themselves to their ideas, and they attach themselves to a party that their ideas most likely have been adopted from.

[2500] Most people's opinions politically are a conglomeration of a group of people's opinions they've adopted, whether it's right -wing people, extreme right -wing.

[2501] I mean, I'm saying most, what is it, 60 percent?

[2502] How many independent thinkers?

[2503] Environmental productivity.

[2504] There's a lot of people that are not independent thinkers, this is my point.

[2505] Everybody, almost.

[2506] Most people.

[2507] Right.

[2508] So when you get connected ideologically, very personally, to a group of opinions, and then someone opposes that group of opinions, they're attacking you.

[2509] They're attacking you.

[2510] You take it very personally, and people are deceptive about the way they phrase things in order to try to win, and it's entirely because their self -worth is connected to this verbal jousting that they're doing, which is both productive and unproductive at the same time, because it lets you find out things are bullshit.

[2511] I think it's fruitless.

[2512] But it does allow you sometimes to find out if things are bullshit.

[2513] But on the other hand, it's not smart.

[2514] It's not a smart way to communicate because most people are in the middle on everything.

[2515] Most people just want the world to be a safer place.

[2516] You want your kids to go to nice schools.

[2517] You want your neighborhood to be safe.

[2518] You want people to make money.

[2519] You want the economy to do well.

[2520] You don't want any more.

[2521] Yay.

[2522] That's the most important shit.

[2523] And we want it to be balanced and we want it to work.

[2524] Right.

[2525] You know, for as many people as possible.

[2526] Leave me the fuck alone.

[2527] Don't tell me what to do.

[2528] you know have laws in place to keep people from getting fucked over but take your fucking hands off approach but as soon as what people don't understand is as soon as you start developing all these different areas of business and of life that have to be adjusted have to be adjusted and that's like you know putting like DEI initiatives and doing these different things where you're not going to hire the most qualified people you're going to hire people you want to hire a certain percentage of people from this part of the world a certain percentage of people from that It's like what you're, even if you think you're doing better for the world, which you don't recognize is that this is a pattern of control.

[2529] And this pattern of control that can be used to manipulate people to thinking they're doing something good socially, which they may very well be.

[2530] What it really does is allows control of businesses in a new way.

[2531] And it allows control of public perception in a new way that can be manipulated to get you to do certain things and get you to allow certain legislation to get passed.

[2532] that has the government have much more control over what you do or what you say and how much money they get and money for programs.

[2533] And it's you're locked into a system now.

[2534] And if you want to be a good person, you have to follow this pattern.

[2535] Sure.

[2536] That's where things get squirly.

[2537] And so as soon as people start telling people how they can and can't talk, this book's got to be gone, you can't say that, you can't teach this.

[2538] As soon as that happens and the government steps in, we're fucked.

[2539] We're fucked.

[2540] because if they step in, they're not going to do it what's in your best interest.

[2541] They're going to do it in whatever way it makes them the most money or cost them the least.

[2542] Well, you know, something's got to keep this herd going in the right direction, you know.

[2543] I think it's mushrooms.

[2544] And let's just go back to that answer.

[2545] One day, one day, mushroom off for the whole world.

[2546] Oh, yeah.

[2547] Well, eventually that organism will just take over everything.

[2548] It really grows well, and it'll just get it.

[2549] in your shoes and it'll balance everything out.

[2550] Everything will make sense.

[2551] Yeah, you know what'll happen?

[2552] It'll get airborne.

[2553] The spores will get airborne.

[2554] It'll start getting people high.

[2555] It'll fix every problem we've ever had.

[2556] That's what we need.

[2557] That's what we need.

[2558] Ari Shafir created Shroomfest and if he was more ambitious, that would be the number one festival in the world.

[2559] It was more ambitious.

[2560] I would have heard of it for sure.

[2561] It's just an unofficial thing.

[2562] I'm joking around.

[2563] I'm all for it.

[2564] July of every year.

[2565] There's places now where you can go.

[2566] It's actually illegal.

[2567] Especially if you go...

[2568] Colorado, right?

[2569] I believe Colorado decriminalized it, and I think Portland essentially decriminalized almost everything.

[2570] Yeah.

[2571] I think, uh, is it Oregon in total decriminalized almost everything, or is it just Portland?

[2572] I think the gloves are off in Portland.

[2573] You can do whatever you want to.

[2574] Yeah.

[2575] Some lady who's, some lady who was, uh, no sales tax.

[2576] She's either running for office or she's, uh, Oregon's first in nation law, the decriminalized possession of small mouts of heroin, cocaine, and other illicit drugs in favor of an emphasis on addiction treatment is facing strong headwinds in the progressive state after an explosion of public drug use fueled by the proliferation of fentanyl.

[2577] Oh, my God.

[2578] They flooded the streets.

[2579] Yeah, it's got to be legal and free.

[2580] That's the only answer.

[2581] It's got to be completely legal and it's got to be no cost to you.

[2582] and that's the only thing that's going to make it less profitable, which is what drives the whole thing anyway.

[2583] You've got to give it away.

[2584] You've got to do what the Japanese did to us with television sets.

[2585] Flood the fucking market.

[2586] Choke them out.

[2587] That's what you got to do.

[2588] You want to die over, the heroin over to fucking go.

[2589] You go, buddy.

[2590] We've got too many of us anyway.

[2591] You make the decision.

[2592] Not a lot of people make the decision to fucking do it.

[2593] You're going to run for president?

[2594] I'm not.

[2595] I'm not.

[2596] Listen, once you become a pastor, people believe you more.

[2597] Right.

[2598] I know.

[2599] I know I'd be good at it.

[2600] I know I could do it.

[2601] That's what I'm saying, Ron.

[2602] Start pastor when you're a goddamn spring chicken compared to Biden.

[2603] We can trot you out in a couple of years of like fine polishing.

[2604] Right.

[2605] So we start the Christian, church, start the church, get that all sorted out.

[2606] We haven't decided Christian.

[2607] We just said we're in a hook -to -a big, I think Scientology.

[2608] That's what I was going to say.

[2609] Ron.

[2610] Get them involved.

[2611] Look, I'm down with your craziness.

[2612] Just let's be friends.

[2613] I could be.

[2614] You grab my back off of yours.

[2615] Right.

[2616] Right, and that's the way it really works.

[2617] Comedic Tom Cruise.

[2618] I can hang in there for you.

[2619] I can say, listen.

[2620] We're going to need celebrities, that's for sure.

[2621] I know it sounds crazy on paper.

[2622] Because everybody believes it.

[2623] But once you experience it and you realize that Fetons are real.

[2624] Have you ever seen the South Park animation of what Scientologists believe?

[2625] Yeah, I think I have.

[2626] You know, those guys just crack me up.

[2627] They're amazing.

[2628] Nobody laughs to make me laugh like those guys.

[2629] They're the tip of the spear in the culture war.

[2630] South Park is the tip of the spear in the culture war.

[2631] they go after everybody forever and they can get away with it because it's a cartoon right and it's a super unrealistic looking cartoon right grandfathered in yeah there's no way you could never think it was real and their genius and the characters never get old that's the most amazing thing best i watch it all the time you when you have a cartoon it doesn't even look remotely real that character can be that forever there's no timeline they're in they're in school for the rest of their fucking lives that's the only constant in my life is uh south park i can get 24 hours a day and Fear Factor Fear Factor comes on my television Every time I turn it on It automatically goes straight to Fear Factor And And you have to turn it off Before something happens that you go Oh God That's hilarious And I don't know why It's a deal they made with Samsung On these TVs But that's what it goes to And no matter what you were watching before Whatever you turn it off Turn it back on Fear Factor Yeah I got a Samsung TV in the gym And when I turn it on It goes right to Hell's Kitchen every time.

[2632] I wonder why mine's...

[2633] I don't know.

[2634] Maybe it's like if you set it on a channel at one point in time, it just goes back to that channel.

[2635] Maybe that's what it is.

[2636] I don't know, but I'm on the Hell's Kitchen channel where Hell's Kitchen plays 24 hours a day on my Samsung TV.

[2637] As soon as I turn it on.

[2638] Before I go to ESPN Plus, it goes right to...

[2639] No, that's what mine does, but it does it with fucking fear factor.

[2640] I would have, like, such a terrible opinion.

[2641] I just sit around thinking, oh, those girls were pretty hot, but I mean it's the fear factor Like everyone would look good Do you jerk off while you're watching Fear Factor?

[2642] I don't, I don't be involved Not every time I don't want to be involved Not every time I got to be in the something else had to have happened And then you know Fear Factor just got in the way Gordon Ramsey If I didn't know any better I think he's the meanest guy on earth Because every time I turn on the TV He's yelling at somebody Right Every time Every time He's fucking screaming and yelling at people Because that's the schick Like you could develop a very bad perception But he's not like that in real life Do you know him in real life?

[2643] I don't know It can't be.

[2644] Someone would have beat the fuck out of him by now.

[2645] Right.

[2646] I think people have.

[2647] I think he's a prick.

[2648] I think, you know, I think that's the word on the street.

[2649] What's the word on the street?

[2650] He's a prick.

[2651] Kind of a prick.

[2652] I think to be great.

[2653] I've never met him either.

[2654] The guy could be the nicest guy, like a plate of butter.

[2655] I bet he's a nice guy.

[2656] Yeah.

[2657] He's a great chef.

[2658] Great chefs are wild people.

[2659] Like, people that create great food or they're like great musicians or great comics.

[2660] They're wild artists.

[2661] Right.

[2662] They're a different kind of person.

[2663] It is an art. I didn't really appreciate that until I met Bourdain.

[2664] When I started talking to him, especially after I watched his show, I think that's when I first realized.

[2665] It was like, oh, this is an art form.

[2666] I was just to think of it as just good food.

[2667] You know, that was a guy.

[2668] I always thought I would be his friend someday.

[2669] You would have been his friend.

[2670] You know, I just always thought the guy, you know, I could watch that guy.

[2671] He just seemed so honest, genuine.

[2672] He just brought you into his life, you know, and you follow him.

[2673] That was great.

[2674] I wish I could have set that up.

[2675] I wish I could have got you guys together.

[2676] He's a great guy.

[2677] Well, it's too late now, Joe.

[2678] Yeah, man. Do you know how I found out?

[2679] Maynard from Tool texts me. And he goes, I guess the celebrity jihitsu matches off.

[2680] And I was like, what?

[2681] Because he used to joke around about having a celebrity jruch.

[2682] Maynors is really good.

[2683] Excuse me. By the way, Maynard just got his black belts.

[2684] Congratulations.

[2685] Congratulations.

[2686] Maynard Keenan from Tool.

[2687] He's a legitimate black belt.

[2688] Yeah, like really good at Jiu -Jitsu.

[2689] I watched him train in here with John Donaheher.

[2690] Before we did a podcast, he trained right next door at the gym.

[2691] But, you know, he's like a really legitimate Jiu -Jitsu guy.

[2692] There it is.

[2693] That's him.

[2694] Oh, wow.

[2695] So, Ron White, that's your next move.

[2696] Jiu -Jitsu?

[2697] Or T -Wil.

[2698] You?

[2699] Ron White, Chichitsu.

[2700] I want a band.

[2701] You want a band?

[2702] Do you?

[2703] No, I don't want a band.

[2704] No, you know what I want to do?

[2705] I want to, besides the religion.

[2706] Can I ask you, did you ever do the show in L .A.?

[2707] The Grand Bam Comedy Jam, whatever it is?

[2708] What is it how?

[2709] Goddamn, Goddamn, Goddamn, John James.

[2710] Josh Adam Meyer's show?

[2711] Would you sing?

[2712] Give me three steps.

[2713] It was great.

[2714] You know, they had that electric violinist doing lead guitar stuff, and it was fun as shit.

[2715] And I think Bill Burr was that night playing drums.

[2716] Bill is a really good drum.

[2717] Yeah, he was, I was fucking.

[2718] shocked bill burr is a really dedicated drummer and i and i got to tell you i killed it i uh i practiced it you know at the time i was with a with a i was with a singer so she helped me get the beats on it and with the thing that don't get outside of that because you can't get outside of that you got to sing it under this and i got so i thought you know nice nice i'd press the chicks i think that that night fuck yeah you did that's a great song too any skinnered song that's a wild band too right Think about those dirty white dudes from Florida.

[2719] Yeah, I saw him on the concert when I was a kid, you know.

[2720] In fact, I think it's the same place that Olstein preaches at now.

[2721] Really?

[2722] It was, what was it, the Houston?

[2723] I can't even remember the name of it.

[2724] Something Dome or something.

[2725] Like Coliseum.

[2726] Where's he at?

[2727] I can't think of the name of it.

[2728] Isn't that wild you bought that for Jesus?

[2729] What a giant.

[2730] How many seats is that?

[2731] Right where I saw Skinner.

[2732] It's like 16 ,000.

[2733] 16 ,000 for Jesus.

[2734] But I don't know.

[2735] 12 million, Joel Olstein, Houston's Compact Center.

[2736] Yeah.

[2737] Wow.

[2738] No, this was another step.

[2739] Whoa, the church spent 90 million to renovate it.

[2740] They spent 90 on it.

[2741] They got it for 12, and they spent 90.

[2742] How dope is it?

[2743] No wonder why they didn't want the fucking refugees in there.

[2744] I'm sorry to God, they didn't let them in.

[2745] $90 million.

[2746] There's no way.

[2747] And he literally said something about it.

[2748] They had just.

[2749] Look at this.

[2750] And these people, and, you know, he basically preaches it's okay to be, it's okay to be rich.

[2751] And these people in that thing, they're like, that's what I want to hear.

[2752] I want to hear.

[2753] It's okay for me to have my hook of the pie and I don't have to feel guilty for it.

[2754] And by God, I'm white and I don't, you know, not that they're all white, but.

[2755] What are you saying, Ron?

[2756] I'm just saying that my religion is going to be different.

[2757] What are you going to do?

[2758] You're going to be poor?

[2759] I'm not.

[2760] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[2761] No, no, no, no, no. If you could be the guy with 90 cars, but still be delivering the real shit, that's the thing.

[2762] Yeah.

[2763] I don't have 90 cars.

[2764] You don't need 90 cars.

[2765] I got three cars.

[2766] 90 cars is like 90 cars.

[2767] You have to keep, like, fixed.

[2768] Keep changing oil and pay insurance on them.

[2769] What are you doing?

[2770] That's too many.

[2771] There's too many Rolls Royces.

[2772] But if you're just going to be some high baller guru type character that really is connected to the God force of the universe, that guy used to.

[2773] You should have it all.

[2774] He used to give people orgasms by touching their foreheads.

[2775] Look at there.

[2776] Didn't he give people orgasms by touching their temples and shit?

[2777] He could do some wilds.

[2778] If somebody could do that to me, I would follow him anywhere.

[2779] I think he could do it.

[2780] If you could fucking, I wouldn't care who it was.

[2781] Well, that was the guy.

[2782] If that frog could do it, I would follow that frog.

[2783] The cult that you made me by the building, that guy did that to people.

[2784] He gave him orgasms.

[2785] He did?

[2786] Yeah, yeah, the guy was.

[2787] He was a hypnotist.

[2788] It's a great documentary.

[2789] It's called Holy Hell.

[2790] He hypnotized people.

[2791] Yeah, he hypnotized him.

[2792] He changed his name.

[2793] His name was Jaime Gomez.

[2794] But that was like...

[2795] Nobody's going to go for that.

[2796] That sounds like a boxer on an undercard of a Canelo fight, right?

[2797] So he changed his name to Michelle.

[2798] And then he changed it again when he moved to Texas.

[2799] He moved to Texas because the cult awareness network was locking on him.

[2800] They were on his ass.

[2801] And after Waco, they were a crowd.

[2802] cracking down like e fuck enough of this shit after waco they were like this is crazy these people have guns they're fucking everybody's wives and they're stockpiling food and preparing for a war a Christian war and shooting at cops yeah nothing scarier than that crowd that's scary when you get that apocalyptic preacher guys willing lying there with a bullet singing a song for everybody really believes and that's a death cult he wants to go down in a blaze of glory he wants to be marty that's the scariest there's a scariness to that for sure that's a weird thing huh so many people go down that road of either starting one or believing in one it's like a natural inclination that people have to just follow you know you all they have to do is look at what jim jones was able to pull off and and there are people complete complete complete control of all those people to the point where they killed themselves i thought that was the case i think some of the people were forced into it now now now that uh i read into it more it seems like some of the they were forced they weren't forced to go to Jones town.

[2803] No, but they didn't know they were going to have to die.

[2804] I used to think they all just died on purpose, but now I think a bunch of them were forced into doing it.

[2805] Um, you know, there's probably, when there's a mass death, there's probably got to be a few reluctant people.

[2806] Yeah, right at the end going.

[2807] Yeah, I didn't know you were serious.

[2808] But this dude, when the cult awareness network was after him, he moves to Austin and then has his followers build him that theater so he could dance in front of them.

[2809] The videos online, I know that.

[2810] The videos are incredible.

[2811] Yeah.

[2812] He's a really good dancer.

[2813] Better better than me He was really good He's beautiful too This one in his row Yeah good looking guy until later When he had all the surgeries That's what got weird You started getting old You couldn't deal with it You gotta let age come man Well are you a guru Or are you a dude who's hypnotizing people And butt fucking them Well this is how we find out What happens when you age?

[2814] Right Which is legal It was doing everything above ground I don't know if he had to pay taxes Like that's the question Were they an established religion Because the only person that I know of that it's actually, I know people have done it, but the only person I personally know of is Alex Gray, the visionary artist from New York.

[2815] Do you know who he is?

[2816] No. He actually put together a real church.

[2817] It's a church of his art. Is it the, was he called the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors?

[2818] What does he call it again?

[2819] Is that it?

[2820] So he has this insane art structure that's in the woods in upstate New York.

[2821] And Alex, I know you've seen Alex Gray's work before.

[2822] It's all visionary, psychedelic, DMT type, things like that.

[2823] This is his work.

[2824] Show his building, Jamie.

[2825] Because the bill, no, and I'm saying the outside of the building.

[2826] Because the outside of the building, like the front doors are all 3D printed works of his art. That's the inside.

[2827] It's fucking incredible looking.

[2828] That's what it looks like.

[2829] That's what it looks like on the outside of it.

[2830] I mean, this is the, yeah, this is the CGI.

[2831] But it does look like that now, right?

[2832] This is a picture of that with that thing on top.

[2833] Right.

[2834] You see, I think there's some other perspectives.

[2835] Maybe there's some other photos.

[2836] They'll show different.

[2837] There it is.

[2838] Oh, no, this is the bullshit version, too.

[2839] It's just the front of their website.

[2840] I think there is some imagery somewhere of the front.

[2841] But whatever it is.

[2842] Like, this guy has a legit church.

[2843] So he has actually gone through all the steps to create a church.

[2844] And they worship him?

[2845] No, no, no. Well, then...

[2846] No, no, no, no. They just worship his art?

[2847] I would be speaking out of turn if I said what they worship.

[2848] I think it's more of the psychedelic experience in its most pure and loving form.

[2849] If I had to, like, boil it down to what they believe in, that's what Alex Gray believes in.

[2850] And all of his art, this is all like these sacred tryptamine -type images.

[2851] I mean, he's like the only guy that I've ever seen that captures, like, certain aspects.

[2852] Do you know this guy?

[2853] Yeah, yeah, he's been on the podcast before.

[2854] He's really cool.

[2855] No shit.

[2856] Yeah, really cool guy.

[2857] And his wife is really cool, too.

[2858] She's been on here as well.

[2859] And, like, look at all of his work.

[2860] It's like, it's amazing stuff.

[2861] But he's got a real church.

[2862] This is the only guy that I know that's actually made a real church.

[2863] When I'm like, oh, I believe him.

[2864] I believe him.

[2865] That's not a guy who's trying to Joel Olstein in it.

[2866] He's not trying to buy 98 Bentley's.

[2867] Right.

[2868] That's really who he is.

[2869] He's just a real fascinating artist.

[2870] There's a bunch of people that have Alex Gray Tat.

[2871] tattoos.

[2872] It's probably like one of the most common.

[2873] The gray -haired guy?

[2874] Yeah, the gray -haired guy with the ponytail.

[2875] Yeah.

[2876] Sweetheart of a guy.

[2877] Wow.

[2878] So that's an example of like - What's his tax status down there at the church?

[2879] It's a good question.

[2880] I think he got it through.

[2881] I think it's a legitimate church.

[2882] A nonprofit organization formed 1996 to create a permanent public exhibition of the sacred mirrors.

[2883] But I think they got like a tax -exempt status.

[2884] Yeah.

[2885] No, established in 2008 as an interfaith church.

[2886] Wow.

[2887] So from 2008, I guess, they established it as a national church.

[2888] Don't you have to have a doctrine that you just says what you...

[2889] Well, here it is.

[2890] I'm sure they do.

[2891] I just don't know what it is.

[2892] Provides unique creative events and workshops in a spiritual context.

[2893] Like, what is there, do they say what they believe?

[2894] I'm on their vision page and we're just going on.

[2895] What is it?

[2896] Scroll down.

[2897] What are we?

[2898] Scroll above that so I could read the text about that.

[2899] I mean, I would join just so I can hang out there, you know?

[2900] It's a place of contemplation, worship for community.

[2901] honoring the practice of art as a spiritual path.

[2902] Wow.

[2903] Cosm's site and structure provides a living bottle of the ideals expressed through the inspiring artwork of the collection and the exhibitions, the writings of the founders, and invited contributors.

[2904] So they just take cool artists and their art, and they show it to people, and their spirituality is based on creativity.

[2905] Ah.

[2906] And it's amazing, art, man. His stuff is fantastic.

[2907] And where is it?

[2908] New York, somewhere in New York.

[2909] like New York State, Wapinger, Wapinger, New York.

[2910] Oh.

[2911] Yeah.

[2912] I think I'm in Syracuse.

[2913] I wonder if it's anywhere near that.

[2914] Just go there.

[2915] Maybe he's got a course, how to start a cult.

[2916] I got a bus.

[2917] Yeah, just go down there and go, look, I want to start my own thing.

[2918] You know, Chapel of Sacred He He's and Ha -Has.

[2919] He may have classes.

[2920] Isn't, like, comedy kind of a form of religion in some way?

[2921] It is for us, Joe.

[2922] It is.

[2923] It is.

[2924] You know, it's a, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I mean, just making people laugh is a good thing to do.

[2925] It's a great thing to do.

[2926] It is.

[2927] It's fun.

[2928] And I can't tell you how grateful people are, you know, just how hard we make them laugh.

[2929] You know, it's just so much fun to do.

[2930] If you can even remember to be somebody that wasn't a comedian watching a comedy show and how hard you can laugh at that experience when, you know, just jar.

[2931] I remember I saw Seinfeld one time in a comedy club, you know, and he had, full -blown chops and it was all never heard it before he beat me to death i mean to death at the uh whatever the improv in dallas texas and uh i had a table right off the it was my birthday i don't only been doing stand -up for about six months i wasn't in the show he just gave me the chair he was making 25 ,000 for the week and we were like no fucking way nobody makes that much money in the world yeah doing a stand -up at a club and this is the 90s.

[2932] Right?

[2933] What do you use that?

[2934] It would have been 86.

[2935] I saw Seinfeld for the first time in 88 before I did stand up.

[2936] Like right before I did stand up.

[2937] I was probably, maybe 87.

[2938] It was at the Paradise, which was a comedy club in, it was like a, it was a big place that was connected to Stitches.

[2939] So Stitches was the Comedy Club, and that was small.

[2940] I think it would see about 150 or so.

[2941] And then the Paradise, which is next door, was bigger.

[2942] but it only sat like maybe 500 people I'm just guessing four or five hundred people and so Seinfeld was there and I took him with this girl that I was dating and just fucking cried couldn't believe how smooth you was so smooth it was so so fun to see back then you know he was doing all those sets you know all those sets every night he's the one that said you know a comic should be on stage I heard him say it every single day and that you know yeah he's got a crazy work That's the reason I tried to stay on stage every single day was because of what Seinfeld's at.

[2943] Yeah.

[2944] There's something to that, for sure.

[2945] But I remember back then, like, thinking about doing stand, I'm like, oh, my God, I could never do this.

[2946] And then going to an open mic and going, oh, I can do this.

[2947] Like, the difference is she was, like, watching crazy people bomb.

[2948] You're like, oh, Richard Jenny said it best.

[2949] He said, terrible comedy gives people inspiration to try comedy.

[2950] That's the purpose it serves.

[2951] Right.

[2952] I can for sure do that.

[2953] He was a guy I got to see live.

[2954] uh quite a few times yeah but i got to see him before us maybe i had just done an open mic or two but i was sitting front row at catch a rising star in cambridge yeah and he was doing the weekend there god damn he was good there was nobody better than him i don't think at his peak it was just so much power so much writing so smooth and so many tags and just like just a consummate professional consummate professional like he was just a joke writing machine yeah he could take any premise any premise in turn into a closing bit.

[2955] Right.

[2956] It's crazy.

[2957] And that's what it was like.

[2958] It was like watching somebody that had nothing but closing bits.

[2959] You know, that's how hard you laughed at this show.

[2960] I've told this before, but I'll tell it again, just because it's so crazy.

[2961] Eastside Comedy Club in Long Island.

[2962] I went there at the, I don't know if I was there on Sunday or I was there after Jenny's shows were done.

[2963] So when I got there, the fucking host was depressed.

[2964] And we were all talking about, what's the matter?

[2965] He goes, Jenny did a different hour every show.

[2966] He goes, he did two different hours Friday and then two different hours on Saturday and he fucking killed and the guy was like I want to quit comedy like what am I doing the fuck am I doing this guy just did four different hours and murdered that's crazy crazy I should quit you watch something like that like I mean he was like he just people just forgot that's one of those ones like I know Chris Rock gets it up to some some people you know they inspire people to quit well he he definitely would raise the bar he definitely raised the bar his car I I saw him kill at the Comedy Works in Montreal.

[2967] Remember that little room, that little tiny room upstairs?

[2968] Oh, yeah.

[2969] I saw him kill up there talking about buying a Corvette.

[2970] How do you make that funny?

[2971] How do you make buying a Corvette funny?

[2972] I have no idea.

[2973] It was hilarious.

[2974] He was murdering.

[2975] He was a murderer.

[2976] He could anything, any subject.

[2977] He could find it.

[2978] He'd find the angle.

[2979] Yeah.

[2980] I remember the one thing he did.

[2981] It was just about a look in his eye that whenever he, all he did was move his eyeball and he'll show you how far he moved his eyeball and that's how the fight started with his wife and but it was just real insightful and then it was so subtle that it was just so expertly fucking done that it just killed me yeah he's one of the grades man he was one of the grades i gotta write something down before i forget yeah it's just so interesting think about the guys that inspired you when you first started doing stand -up you know when you first started like what that was like to see someone who was really good at this thing that was just like it was us a weird foggy dream in the first couple times you go on stage like how does anyone ever really become a professional and then you watch a master go up in murder and you're like holy shit and then you realize he's nobody yeah that there are guys that make him look like a you know like he doesn't know what he's doing yeah but you know I You kind of have a realm of comedy of what you can see.

[2982] And in Boston, that would have been a much bigger glimpse than you would get in Arlington, Texas.

[2983] Oh, yeah.

[2984] You know, you got whatever headlatters came through with the Funny Bone Chain.

[2985] And they were all great.

[2986] You know, they all killed everybody.

[2987] And nobody really went on to do her tremendous business at Foxworthy and me and Dan and the blue collar boys.

[2988] There wasn't a lot of guys.

[2989] You guys opened the door for a lot of new guys that came after you, though.

[2990] A lot of guys were inspired by that for sure.

[2991] I hope so.

[2992] But it's like you need a community.

[2993] You know, and Boston had a crazy community.

[2994] They had a community of assassins that were local guys, and then new people were coming in every week that were like big national headliners.

[2995] So you'd have all these murderous local guys, and then Dom Aerrero would fly in for a weekend.

[2996] You know, Bill Hicks would fly in for a weekend.

[2997] They had all the, like, road killers, like whenever a big national act was killing it on the road.

[2998] they would stop at Nick's comedy stop and we'd all watch them so they had the whole thing it was like a perfect training ground for learning how to do stand -up yeah they never gave a fuck about me in Boston until I got bigger you know yeah but that's always how it is there was too many people there yeah that's what they had guys it was like Denver you know Denver never gave a fuck about me but I would look at their list of headlatters and go you know we got Louis Anderson they got all these you know big name fucking comics and I wouldn't a big name fucking comic and I didn't It didn't belong on that list.

[2999] Yeah, it's just, it is what it is.

[3000] But you have to have a scene like that.

[3001] You know, that's where, that's where, like, talent emerges from.

[3002] And that's what's been really fucking cool about being able to do that here, is that to take this place that had a scene, there was an Austin comedy scenes.

[3003] The reason why I came here is there was already a club here.

[3004] It went under during the pandemic, but it still existed.

[3005] And it was always a fun place to work.

[3006] And then to have all of a, you were here first.

[3007] So you were the one, before I, the pandemic even hit.

[3008] you were already here.

[3009] And you were telling me, I fucking love it.

[3010] I was like, damn it, Frond White loves, there's got to be something to it.

[3011] Right.

[3012] And you were like, it's the shit.

[3013] I fucking love it.

[3014] I fucking love it.

[3015] It's not too big, not too small.

[3016] Everybody's cool.

[3017] Like, God damn it.

[3018] And I had already thought about it before because of on it, you know, because the business is here.

[3019] And I'd have to come down to do stuff occasionally anyway.

[3020] And I was always coming down to do stand -up anyway.

[3021] And I always loved being down here.

[3022] But it wasn't until the pandemic.

[3023] And it wasn't until you getting on stage.

[3024] that one time when you get on stage when you hadn't got on stage in fucking forever and you grabbed me by the shoulder you grab me and you go we are going to fuck it do this whatever it takes you can open up that club right I meant it too I know you did and still due to this fucking day I'm behind that 100 % you know my effort and I talk about that club on the you know on the road and my shows and just how much it means to me and how cool it is it means to me too it means to me because you're there too it's everybody together in this is a really exciting camaraderie it's a great tribe and uh and fun and we're that's we're blessed to have it yeah it's very cool very cool but you saying that to me that day i mean i was going to do it anyway for sure but that was an extra fucking turbo gear that was an extra kick in the pants i was like let's go i made some extra phone calls try to close it up figure out what the problem was it was just we had a big adjustment for moving from the old place to the new place that was a big pain in the ass because we had spent a considerable about an amount of time and effort.

[3025] You know, architects were involved and drawing up plans and people had gone to look at it.

[3026] And then when it all fell through, they're like, fuck, we got to start from scratch.

[3027] Yeah.

[3028] And everybody blamed me. Ah!

[3029] Well, people didn't believe it.

[3030] That's what it was funny.

[3031] But that's also that makes it more fun when it does open.

[3032] Because people are like, he's never going to do it.

[3033] Like, okay.

[3034] Just sit back.

[3035] Yeah, right.

[3036] I've got some crazy plans.

[3037] If I hear you say you're going to do something, I just, how long is that going to be?

[3038] It's going to happen quick.

[3039] It would have happened quick.

[3040] We would have had this place open probably inside of a year.

[3041] It was perfect the way it did happen.

[3042] A lot of anticipation from all of us.

[3043] It made us all nervous.

[3044] The fact that even with all that anticipation, it still gets an A. Right.

[3045] It still gets an A. I know it's my place, but shut the fuck up.

[3046] That place is perfect.

[3047] Yeah, it's perfect.

[3048] The place is perfect.

[3049] We made it perfect.

[3050] And we got lucky that we got the right people.

[3051] The right architect.

[3052] Shout out to Richard.

[3053] The people that put it together did an amazing job.

[3054] And it's also like the vibe there.

[3055] It's so strong.

[3056] It's very fun.

[3057] It's real positive.

[3058] Well, you know, we all feel like it's ours.

[3059] And even though you pay all the bills and shit, you know.

[3060] Well, it pays the bills now.

[3061] So, and, you know, people don't know that 80 % of the door from the, goes to the comics.

[3062] And so there's also no opportunity for a comic to make money, that kind of money in a local gig.

[3063] home anywhere on the fucking planet earth that opportunity does not exist well it's not i would never do it if i was going to do it for money i would never do it that way that's crazy right no it wouldn't make any sense you're making less money yeah i decided to get in the comedy club business oh wow i didn't get in the comedy club business i got in the the business of making comedy and and having a place for comedians that was the business was my idea was set up the ideal spot and what's the ideal spot?

[3064] Well, the ideal spot was that the comedians would get the bulk of the money because the comedians doing all of the work.

[3065] They're the ones who have to come up with the jokes.

[3066] If we don't have the comedians, we're just selling drinks.

[3067] Right.

[3068] Like, this is nonsense.

[3069] So, like, it's obvious, like, what people are there.

[3070] I knew that when I started getting a percentage of the door.

[3071] Right.

[3072] I knew how it works.

[3073] But, like, that should be that way regardless.

[3074] Like, that's the real relationship.

[3075] You're selling what we do.

[3076] Right.

[3077] You shouldn't be getting 80 % of the money.

[3078] 80 % of the money.

[3079] the money should be going to the comedians that's crazy there's so much money from booze you sell money and alcohol you sell money and there's still money you can tell the guy that owns the place doesn't give a shit about him turning the profit my idea is just don't don't lose money speak even you know I'm a I'm a hundred percent on board yeah it's great that's how it should be and it's it and if you do it that way then it's really like deeply and there's a commitment to this idea like we're all committed to this idea, just making the most fun possible, the most comedy possible, do our best, have a great community, have a great tribe, have a great vibe, we're all feeding up each other and talking shit to each other and having a good old time in the back, and then it fuels us to go on stage.

[3080] We're watching each other from the balcony.

[3081] It's exciting.

[3082] Yeah, it is.

[3083] It's very exciting.

[3084] It's very exciting.

[3085] It's the funest thing ever.

[3086] I'm very happy you're part of it, my brother.

[3087] Hey, brother, thank you.

[3088] Thank you.

[3089] It's great.

[3090] I love being part of the fucking team.

[3091] I love you having you here, man. I love everybody.

[3092] I'm going to, in fact, I'm going to head in the room Tuesday night, I think, the 10 o 'clock show.

[3093] Beautiful.

[3094] Are you doing the 7 o 'clock show?

[3095] Yeah, I'm doing the 7 o 'clock show.

[3096] I'll come do it.

[3097] Okay, beautiful.

[3098] All right.

[3099] Man, I'll see you.

[3100] All right.

[3101] Love you, man. Love you to you.

[3102] Bye, everybody.

[3103] Bye.