The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett XX
[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[3] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV plus.
[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel.
[5] right now.
[6] I want to talk about failure.
[7] Yes.
[8] Now, which seems like a good thing to talk about.
[9] And in your book, philosophy, you list seven failure principles.
[10] So I'm sure you've done this a million times, but I think it's a good place to start.
[11] So the seven failure principles.
[12] Yes.
[13] Number one, failure just is.
[14] Yes.
[15] So that actually just feeds in with what we were talking about, which is the idea that failure is a fact.
[16] It's inevitable.
[17] It's going to happen to all of us.
[18] No matter how much we try to avoid it, I guarantee that it will happen.
[19] And that can feel scary, but it can also feel liberating.
[20] Because once you've accepted it as a fact, there's no point in trying to avoid it.
[21] So you might as well take the risk.
[22] So acceptance of failure starts with the observation of it.
[23] Failure is a fact, but how you respond to it is within your control.
[24] Whether you decide to feel like a failure for many years after the thing that's happened, or whether you think to your yourself, okay, well, that's taught me something, and I'll do it differently next time.
[25] I guess the risk there is one bad failure and people stop trying.
[26] Exactly.
[27] And then I was thinking, this is very similar to confidence in the way that, like, if you have one bad failure, your performance next time you get an opportunity, if you actually don't manage to just avoid it completely, will probably be worse because of nerves and that, you know, the memory of I'm terrible.
[28] And then that's going to increase your chances of failing again.
[29] And then the kind of like self -negative reinforcing cycle kind of continues.
[30] your confidence and your sort of yeah your guts kind of cascade downwards and can for some people work in the other direction where you have a success your confidence builds you walk on stage to do that you know public speech next time around with a bit more confidence you do a better job which increases your chance of success and it cascades upwards that how failure works from your experience it can work like that I mean to take the example you've just given one of the ways of looking at that if you're then stuck in a downward cycle and you're failing and you're trying the thing is that you're therefore in the wrong situation.
[31] So you're in the wrong workplace, for instance, that isn't generous enough to like make you feel okay after your failures or doesn't make you feel like you can be your true self, in which case I would argue you need to remove yourself from that situation and find the place that does suit you.
[32] Or it can be a question of mindset and a question of applying that mindset that we've just talked about, which is, okay, I failed.
[33] I'm feeling in a downward spiral.
[34] How much.
[35] of that is fact.
[36] That's a very difficult thing to do on your own when you're a very low ebb, and that's why I'm a huge advocate of therapy.
[37] And again, I know that I come from a privileged place where I can afford therapy, but even if it starts with reaching out to your friend and talking about it, or reaching out to your work helpline and talking about it, or texting, shout the mental health charity, or calling the Samaritans, that's a really valuable step.
[38] And the other thing that I would say there is that I'm very aware that my definition of failure, which is what happens when life doesn't go according to plan, has a fatal flaw, which is that sometimes there are failures that are totally cataclysmic that we couldn't possibly have predicted that go against any plan whatsoever, like a global pandemic, like a terrible illness that you contract, like the death of a loved one.
[39] It would be monstrous for me. It would be monstrous to sit here and say those failures are as easily assimilated or learnt from or dealt with as fading or driving test.
[40] And so I'm not saying that at all.
[41] Those kind of failures will require a process of mourning and coming to terms with the thing that you've lost.
[42] And that's absolutely right and as it should be.
[43] My only thing is the way that I choose to live my life is I mourn, but I don't have to constantly relive the pain.
[44] I can still feel sadness about something, but I don't need to live in that place of reliving it constantly.
[45] Becoming a victim?
[46] Yeah.
[47] And becoming defined by that.
[48] I can choose to be defined by something else.
[49] I can choose to be defined by my response to it.
[50] I can choose to find some kind of meaning in something that was meaningless at the time.
[51] And that's how I choose to live my life, because that makes it less sad.
[52] And I think that that choice is available for most of us.
[53] So point number two in your book is almost everyone feels they have failed in their 20s.
[54] I mean, not you.
[55] So Steve Marla, I'm pretty sure.
[56] Do you think you failed in your 20s?
[57] Probably personally.
[58] Sorry.
[59] Oh, multiple.
[60] No, no. Yeah, it's a good question, actually.
[61] Multiple times.
[62] Yeah.
[63] Started my first business at 18.
[64] It was clearly a failure.
[65] Left that when I was 20 years old.
[66] Failed in loads of relationships.
[67] fail every day in business, not the big, like, momentous failures, other than my business, like one would assert.
[68] But no, I felt probably more than anybody, to be fair.
[69] I think that's so great to hear.
[70] And also, I think that a lot of people struggle in their 20s, particularly in this day and age, because of the curse of comparison, and because we live in a culture of curated perfection, where you're constantly comparing yourself to your peers filtered appearance on Instagram and the life that they seem to be living.
[71] So we're comparing our insides with everyone else's projection of their outsides.
[72] Exactly, yeah.
[73] And for many people, although I know not you, but for many people, it's the first time that they've come out of full -time education and come out of a system of exam and reward, exam and reward.
[74] And there is no exam that you can sit to show that you're being a good grown -up.
[75] So you feel quite lost.
[76] Plus, piling on top of that the pressure to find your passion to like make a career for yourself but also to earn enough to pay your rent, living in house shares, like just trying to make your way and trying to forge your identity in this day and age.
[77] It's just so hard to do all that at once.
[78] And then you're like, oh, and I should be having like a thriving personal life and I should either be in a long -term relationship or having one night sounds and making footloose and fancy free in drinking loads.
[79] And then at the weekend making vegan brownies because I got to watch what I eat and all of that sort of stuff.
[80] And it's exhausting.
[81] And so really what I wanted to say in that failure principle was that so many people come on in podcasts and say that they feel they failed at their 20s and I think a lot of us fall into the trap and I did too of believing that we had to have our life sorted out by then and actually your 20s are a decade of transition of discovering who you are of grinding up the spices of life in your pestle and mortar and the older you get, my experience has been the more you know yourself and the more you know what you want to do and that's where success lies.
[82] I've had so many more opportunities after leaving my 20s behind in the rearview mirror.
[83] Did you know that the Dario Veccio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[84] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[85] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[86] And along with the DarioVosio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.
[87] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.