Luke Wilson

[0] Hi, my name's Luke Wilson, and I feel that on the advice of my counsel, it's best that I've agreed to be clear about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[1] Okay.

[2] Hold on a second.

[3] Oh, that checks.

[4] That's a lovely way to start.

[5] What could have been, a wonderful interview.

[6] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking.

[7] Lose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[8] Yes, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[9] Hello, welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend.

[10] Fine program for you in this installment.

[11] How does it work in podcasting?

[12] Episode.

[13] It's an episode.

[14] Yeah.

[15] Okay.

[16] Do you know what you're doing?

[17] I don't.

[18] I really don't know what these are.

[19] You know, for years, I'd say welcome to the show tonight.

[20] Even that wouldn't apply anymore because now it's the streaming era.

[21] So God knows when people are seeing things.

[22] But so much of my life for so long was this is the show tonight, folks.

[23] And now we live in this other world where someone may download this.

[24] Good.

[25] So far so good.

[26] 35 years from now.

[27] True.

[28] And it should feel as relevant to them then as it does to us now.

[29] To a certain extent.

[30] No, that's why I like to try and keep these things.

[31] Evergreen.

[32] I don't mention who's president.

[33] I never refer to anything that's happened in the news.

[34] I like to say generic things like, well, it sure is good that the human race still exists.

[35] You know what you are?

[36] What?

[37] You're the Top Gun Maverick of podcasting.

[38] Because they don't mention the war.

[39] And even the enemy fighters are called Fifth Generation fighters.

[40] And it's the most benign, non -offensive enemy.

[41] This is my favorite thing.

[42] I went to see the, and I really enjoyed it.

[43] I really loved the movie.

[44] It was really fun.

[45] but when it was over and the lights came up, I turned to my son and I said, now, why were we at war with Vermont?

[46] Because they just really intrigued me that you don't know what the country is.

[47] They don't really say, but it looks a lot like Vermont.

[48] Yeah, snow peaked hills.

[49] It's snow peaked hills and evergreen trees.

[50] And then my son was like, well, you know, they were trying to corner, I don't know, he said they had a secret production facility that was making maple syrup.

[51] And that's what we had to destroy.

[52] So we were just riffing off that.

[53] But it was so funny to me, like, Vermont went and did it.

[54] Yeah.

[55] They threw down on us.

[56] We've got to go after them.

[57] Bernie went rogue.

[58] But I loved the bad guys in that movie.

[59] Again, it was so good at like, okay, they seem nefarious.

[60] I don't know why that country had such better fighters than we do.

[61] Right.

[62] It doesn't make sense.

[63] And I thought, no, we spend a lot of money on our military.

[64] I'd like to speak to someone in our war department.

[65] why do we have far inferior fighter planes to Vermont?

[66] It just doesn't seem right.

[67] Well, I went to see that movie, and when in the end, it's not really a spoiler, but there is a point where they end up in a classic F -14 fighter jet.

[68] I look down at my seat.

[69] F -14.

[70] What?

[71] Yeah.

[72] Oh.

[73] In the theater.

[74] Oh, I thought you were referring to your cock as a fighter jet.

[75] Wait, I...

[76] That's what I thought you were doing.

[77] Like, I looked down on my pants.

[78] F -14.

[79] You dirty devil.

[80] I'm confused.

[81] What do you mean?

[82] I was in the theater.

[83] It was in row F. C -4.

[84] Oh, you're still.

[85] Come on.

[86] Wow.

[87] Oh, God.

[88] You guys, it was fake.

[89] No, first of all, you're talking about keeping this podcast evergreen.

[90] You're talking about a movie that just came out.

[91] Hey, when I watched the first Star Wars, when it was over, I looked on it my seat.

[92] It was seat C3PO.

[93] Come on.

[94] See, this guy knows what I'm talking about.

[95] How did I get with this?

[96] What movie did you see and you look down in your seat?

[97] Don't do that.

[98] Well, please.

[99] Don't make me think.

[100] I don't know.

[101] What's the number?

[102] 187.

[103] No, first you got to think of it.

[104] I went to a Blank 187 concert once.

[105] Oh, shit.

[106] 182 again?

[107] You gave me hell about that one time.

[108] You burned in hell.

[109] Wait, what did I give you hell about?

[110] Yes, right now.

[111] I got it wrong once and you gave me hell about it.

[112] I was doing a funny riff on how you got it wrong.

[113] He got it wrong the first time.

[114] No, I did.

[115] Wait, he did?

[116] I think he did.

[117] I think I got it wrong.

[118] I think that's the second, that's multiple times that he's gotten it wrong.

[119] Garley got it wrong the first time and this was my clever callback to him getting it wrong.

[120] Okay.

[121] So I win once again.

[122] I'm sorry.

[123] What's this?

[124] Oh, I'm getting an award.

[125] Wow, Conan wins again award.

[126] It's a tissue box.

[127] I've won 750 million of these in my lifetime.

[128] A tissue box?

[129] Well, it looks like a tissue box to you, but those of us in the know know that that's not a puffs plus lotion tissue box.

[130] That is an award for once again winning.

[131] Anyway, go check out the new Top Gun movie.

[132] It's great.

[133] Evergreen.

[134] And we really, yeah, exactly.

[135] This is his evergreen as it gets.

[136] Because you know what?

[137] Tom Cruise will put out another one in 35 years.

[138] Yeah, in 35 years.

[139] So this will still be relevant.

[140] Check it out.

[141] Don't get Monkey Pox.

[142] Yes.

[143] Who won the cup?

[144] I don't know.

[145] I'll salute President Joe Rogan.

[146] Oh, God.

[147] Oh, please.

[148] He's built for politics.

[149] All right, let's go.

[150] Big show.

[151] I'm still trying to think of a movie with a number.

[152] I'm sorry.

[153] I'm still stuck on that.

[154] I got really nervous and I just blew it.

[155] I'm sorry.

[156] What about, um...

[157] Guess what?

[158] Hmm.

[159] The, uh, I remember it I once saw a really good movie about Spartan.

[160] I looked down on my seat afterwards.

[161] I was sitting in row 300.

[162] Nice.

[163] Okay.

[164] Yeah.

[165] That's how it goes.

[166] Right?

[167] I went to see a classic screening of deliverance and I looked down and I saw that I was seating in row, row, row your boat.

[168] Oh, God.

[169] That's it.

[170] I'm going to introduce the guests.

[171] I was thinking of numbers.

[172] I can't do the things that you guys do.

[173] You can't do what Gourley just did.

[174] That's good.

[175] That means you have no tumor.

[176] That means you're going to live.

[177] I was at a screening of a kindergarten cop and I looked down.

[178] And this better be good.

[179] I was on a screen of kindergarten cop when I looked down and I saw that I was seated in row.

[180] It's not a tumor.

[181] That's not even a, you're just ruining the thing.

[182] The premise from the beginning.

[183] I'm trying to think of a number.

[184] You're out of order.

[185] And you're, no. She had a great ass.

[186] She's out of control.

[187] I was at a few good men and I was sitting in, you can't handle the truth.

[188] There you go.

[189] There you go.

[190] Road two can't handle the tooth.

[191] No, man. I don't know.

[192] I don't want to, no, come on.

[193] I can't do this.

[194] Unbelievable.

[195] My guest today, I started such films as the Royal Tenen bombs, legally blonde and old school.

[196] Now you can see him in the new Netflix movie, look both ways, excited to chat with this fellow today.

[197] I really like this gentleman.

[198] Luke Wilson, welcome.

[199] Luke, I think you're fantastic.

[200] I have an immediate affection for this guy whenever I see him.

[201] You and I saw each other at a sushi restaurant a number of years ago.

[202] I instantly had the thought, why isn't this guy my friend?

[203] This is before I even had the podcast.

[204] We were both waiting for our table and I saw you sort of skulking in the corner like a rat.

[205] I don't know why I think.

[206] threw that in.

[207] Maybe that's why you want to be your friend.

[208] Maybe that's why you're not my friend.

[209] You've got to paint a picture.

[210] No, and I immediately thought, because we talked about music, you're always really funny.

[211] I've always loved talking to you on the show, and you're always very authentic.

[212] And I thought, I just really like this guy.

[213] Why aren't we friends?

[214] And then I figured there must be a reason.

[215] There's something, there's some kind of mustard seed of discontent that's lodged between us.

[216] well um that's really nice you to say that i mean i've always felt the same way and on my way here i was i was talking to a high school friend of mine he said you're going to be on conan's show you're never going to be able to keep up with conan you know the way you are you take your time you're slow with things i'm like jeez maybe you're right because whenever i've run into them it's been for like two three minutes where i'll just fly high and then you know uh well it's funny because I was driving here on the way to this podcast recording, and I was thinking Luke's never going to be able to keep up with me. Oh, God.

[217] Just, there's no way.

[218] He's got that, that kind of charming but slow Dallas, Texas approach.

[219] I'm coming in all hot Boston mass. Do you mean?

[220] Yeah, no, it's really true.

[221] You know, you're waiting for your, you're cooking those ribs up real slow.

[222] Taking 12 hours to still put that biscuit and you've got that lobster boy.

[223] He's got that hot chowder You're just slinging the chowlap.

[224] I'm just slinging that shatter In my face getting horribly burned You've got your feet up You know you got your Martin guitar You're plucking a blues tune You're just waiting for those ribs to cook up Maybe someone from Mary Kay Cosmetics is going to come by That's a Dallas favorite You're listening to jump around I'm right down I got my Celtics trucey on and all my white friends who are just thugs and we're just jumping around to some kind of...

[225] Quoting the departed and I'm quoting lonesome dove.

[226] Exactly.

[227] How can we be friends?

[228] We come from such different worlds.

[229] You know?

[230] Even the Everly brothers, they didn't get along.

[231] They really didn't get along, but they made beautiful music.

[232] Yeah, they harmonized.

[233] They harmonized.

[234] And maybe that's, you know, I'm far down the neck, your way up the neck, and together it makes a beautiful sound, you know?

[235] I agree with it.

[236] I think we should end it here.

[237] Yeah.

[238] It's not going to get better than this.

[239] And that was about my three or four minutes.

[240] I got my friends said I had in me, and I feel that he was right.

[241] Yeah, yeah.

[242] Sometimes there's these little accidents of fate that come up in my life, you know, that you have those deja vu moments or there's something in the air.

[243] Yesterday, my wife has no idea that you're coming on the show, none at all.

[244] And we're trying to think of a funny, really great funny movie to show my son, and we're constantly trying to think of, you've probably had this where you want to watch a good movie, you want to show someone a good movie, and you're faced with all the movies in the world, and you're trying to think of what's the funny one, and my wife and I are trying to, we've shown him so many good movies, and then my wife, out of the blue, just said, bottle rocket.

[245] And I was like, yeah, bottle rocket.

[246] And then I said, you know, I'm talking to Luke tomorrow, and she was like, on the podcast, and I said, no, I'm just going to his house to talk to him through his window.

[247] I was a real wise ass, which I don't often do with my wife.

[248] And I'm like, no, I'm going to go to his house and talk to him through his window.

[249] And she was like, fuck off.

[250] And I said, I want a divorce.

[251] And so that's ending.

[252] But we brought up Bottle Rocket yesterday.

[253] And then I realized that's the first time I heard of you, Owen, Wes, Anderson was, I think in, I would have been 96 or 95 when my late night show was still really new.

[254] There was this movie everyone was talking about Bottle Rocket.

[255] And that's Kind of, I mean, I knew you guys were making shorts before that, but this was your first...

[256] Yeah, that was the first movie we made, Bottle Rocket.

[257] And, yeah, I think it was about, I think we might have made it in about 94, 95, and then they wanted to sit on it for a year because they could feel that it was such a groundbreaking film.

[258] It was really going to take the town by storm.

[259] But, no, I think it wound up coming out in about 97.

[260] But, yeah, that would have been when I first met you.

[261] Yeah, and I know that I was, I wasn't sure.

[262] Did you come on the show then for Butterwockland?

[263] I know that Owen did.

[264] I remember thinking, does this guy have a brother I would prefer?

[265] Is there an alterness?

[266] Is there a younger, preferable brother?

[267] And sure enough, because you ended up, you and I, you've been on the show a lot, and I've always clicked with you, but that's the first time I saw you guys, was in that movie, which I really loved.

[268] And then another thing it's been in the atmosphere lately is, you know, James Kahn just passed.

[269] And he's in that movie.

[270] And he's terrific.

[271] Because I saw him how amazing that you're these two young guys, these punks, who make this movie, and you got the great James Kahn to be in it.

[272] Yeah, he was so great on that movie.

[273] And I think probably what got him into was the fact that James L. Brooks was producing it.

[274] Right, right.

[275] Because, yeah, we were, it was, you know, Wes Anderson and then Owen and Andrew and myself.

[276] Yeah, I think he probably would have just done it on the strength of James L. Brooks.

[277] I don't know that, you know, the script maybe would have appealed to him that much.

[278] But, yeah, he couldn't have been nicer.

[279] Actually, went to the, in Santa Monica, they were showing the Wild Bunch last night on 70 millimeter and went to see it.

[280] And a guy named Paul Seedore, like a peck and paw scholar and writer, gave a little speech before.

[281] but he had a, he mentioned James Kahn and David Werner and two other guys from kind of the Peck and Paw stable.

[282] Right.

[283] And then he had a little moment of silence for those guys, which was really nice.

[284] He had it in the movie theater.

[285] And, but yeah, James Kahn, he, you know, he was, El Dorado has been on lately and just incredible to think that that guy would have been connected back to, you know, Robert Mitchum and John Wayne.

[286] And he couldn't have been nicer to us on.

[287] the movie.

[288] I think there were definitely, you know, when he died, I was kind of talking with Owen about it, just saying those first couple of days, you could definitely see in his eyes, like, okay, well, what am I doing here?

[289] I'm in a trailer and a parking lot in Dallas.

[290] These guys are very odd.

[291] But then he really kind of warmed up to us.

[292] And, you know, it was one of those people that was really fun to talk to about different movies he'd worked on.

[293] You know, we were asking him about Brando, and he was like, yeah, you know, Brando, it was like, it was like you guys with me. And, uh, and that really was kind of how we were.

[294] Isn't that crazy when, uh, just someone like that can drop a name like Brando and, and then somehow liking it to you and you think, no. Yeah.

[295] Yeah.

[296] I mean, yeah, but it's just so amazing to be, because I know you guys are incredible film buffs.

[297] Yeah.

[298] You and your brother, just like really, as kids, you know, growing up in Dallas, you were really into film, right?

[299] Yeah, really into movies.

[300] And I got to be friends with Harry Dean Stanton over the years and got to work with him a couple times.

[301] And Harry Dean was one of those guys, you know, wouldn't text, so you'd have to call them and call and have these kind of funny, long conversations.

[302] And then he'd kind of click off and take a call a couple times.

[303] He'd click back over and say, I got to go.

[304] That's Marlon.

[305] Oh, my God.

[306] Isn't that crazy?

[307] Yeah, just unbelievable.

[308] And then those guys would chat about.

[309] you know, how they were both nothing and nothing mattered.

[310] Yeah.

[311] I was at a party once and I'm a huge Beatles fanatic and Paul McCartney's there and I come into a walk into a room and he's there playing a guitar.

[312] He's playing it upside down and backwards because it's strung for righty and I just said wow, I don't know how you do that.

[313] And he's like, oh, you know, and I was going up in Liverpool.

[314] You know, I'd Nick Jones guitar and if I had, you know, and I'd play it this way, it was the only way I could because I'm lefty but if I had re -strung it, he'd have crippled me. And I'm like, you can't just talk about John like that?

[315] You know what I mean?

[316] It's the same thing.

[317] Like, well, Brando's on the line.

[318] I got to go.

[319] And then I just think I'm not in this reality.

[320] Well, I mean, it is incredible to me. And I mean, I think about it now when people like James Kahn dies, you know, we're kind of the same age.

[321] But we did, we're lucky enough to know people like that, you know, from, you know, the 50s and stuff like that.

[322] Oh, my God.

[323] I think about that all the time.

[324] I think that, you know, Paul, you know, kind of the first generation or maybe the second generation of rock and roll, just that, you know, these guys who really were pioneers, so pretty incredible the chance you get to talk to something like that.

[325] Anytime I'm even in the room, even I don't get to talk to them, if I'm just in the room on our late night show once we had Scotty Moore was on, who was Elvis's original guitarist, and he's in the room in Sun session at Sun Studios when they just accidentally are messing around and they cut, that's all right.

[326] Mama, and he's with Bill Black, and it's part of the original lineup.

[327] And he was on the show, and he was messing around with the band.

[328] And I just said, you know, excuse me, Mr. Moore, OK, could you show me how you play the solo in That's All Right, Mama?

[329] You know, bum, boom, boom, boom, boom, wank, wana, boom, boom, boom.

[330] And he said, oh, yeah, sure.

[331] It goes like this.

[332] And he does it, and his hands are doing the same thing they did in 1954 when he and this very strange kid changed the Yeah, truck driver changed the world.

[333] I always have the same feeling, which is, I don't deserve to be here seeing this, you know?

[334] It's just an immediate, but then I think, well, just be here.

[335] Shut up.

[336] You know what?

[337] I want to ask you this.

[338] I didn't realize that you guys grew up in an Irish Catholic household, which I never, I never knew that until I did a little reading today on you guys.

[339] You know, I've had a guy following you for a while, so I know what you've been up to.

[340] I picked that up when you walked in talking about Dallas, Texas.

[341] Oh, I always knew that.

[342] That I knew.

[343] I've always had it in for you guys because it does.

[344] Yeah, my parents are from, my dad's from a little town Belmont, right, beside Boston.

[345] And then my mom's from a town called Norwell.

[346] And, yeah, I guess we're Irish Catholic.

[347] All right.

[348] I guess it's cool to tell you of all people.

[349] You can tell me that.

[350] At least, I mean, you could be, you know, you can, I don't know.

[351] I mean, you could be Lutheran, you could be Episcopalian.

[352] Me, there's no getting around it.

[353] Everyone knows.

[354] If I come into the room and say, oh, I was just at Temple.

[355] They're like, no, you weren't.

[356] You, you know, you can be one of those submarine guys.

[357] You never know quite what's going on.

[358] I was watching, you know, Jiminy Glick.

[359] I was going to love those things.

[360] The great Martin Short.

[361] Yeah, I was watching a couple of those a couple weeks ago.

[362] And then somehow it just led right into you and Martin Short talking.

[363] And it was a long talk that you guys had.

[364] He started talking about, you know, Irish Catholic.

[365] Catholic families, and then you were talking about you thought coming from your kind of larger family really affected your timing and things like that.

[366] But I kind of agree with stuff like that when you're in a family like that, that it can kind of forge.

[367] Well, because was your, for example, was your dad funny?

[368] Did he like humor?

[369] He must have been.

[370] Yeah, he was a pretty funny guy.

[371] You know, I think he got kind of driven crazy by us, you know, his three sons at times.

[372] But he definitely had a good sense of humor.

[373] And he had a couple of friends.

[374] friends that were really, really funny and they wouldn't edit themselves because you were, you know, seven or 11 years old.

[375] So, yeah, he had some good funny friends.

[376] But that was one thing.

[377] It was funny that Martin Schwartz said in the interview with him, he was talking about his father.

[378] He said he was, you know, worked for a steel company and was kind of a serious guy.

[379] And he had a bar in his office, but he wouldn't touch it during the daytime.

[380] And he'd get home at the end of the day and make himself a drink and then read the newspaper while the family was eating.

[381] and then just occasionally say that you don't shovel the food into your mouth.

[382] Yes, yes, yeah.

[383] And then he jumped up and said, Mark, you just, you keep eating.

[384] I'll keep the animals away.

[385] And then he just sitting back down.

[386] So I was like, I mean, that to me seemed like really, really funny guy, but just kind of, you know, in that kind of businessman mode and then being around, I mean, you can't imagine how funny Martin Short must have been back then when he was being kind of reined in probably by teachers.

[387] and...

[388] Yeah, well, Marty used to get underneath the table and he talks about this and he's written about it, but he used to get underneath the table and record his father.

[389] And his father was from Ireland, so he had an Irish accent.

[390] And he would record stuff because even then he was really into, I've got to capture all of this.

[391] And so sure enough, even, I mean, you can imagine, Marty's short, I imagine him just having the same head that he has today as an adult or just a little kid's body, being under the table and recording everything that's being said and thinking, you know, I'm going to use all of this in SCTV and then movies and everything for the rest of my life and make everybody pay.

[392] I think a lot of it's not just, you know, maybe being funny or saying something funny, it's also just absorbing, you know, funny things that happen or, you know, teasing that happens to you, just kind of taking it in.

[393] And, I mean, I was kidding around with Owen's youngest son who's like seven.

[394] I was saying, Finn, now, I've got a beard, Owen's got a beard, friend Quimby, he has a beard.

[395] Do you ever want to grow a beard and just, you could just see it kind of hit him and he was just immediately started saying, yeah, I want a beer, I'm going to grow a beer.

[396] I just don't want to grow one like you, but just trying to not miss a beat, you know, it was like a dog trying to like paddle in water.

[397] you're a kid and you obviously you're funny you and you and your brothers you like being funny but you get very specific about movies at some point and you must have known i'd kind of like to get into this business yeah i mean i think um just a big part of our lives was going to movies and you know if it's r -rated how are we going to get into it you know whether it was like escape from New York or an officer and a gentleman, you know, okay, do we get a guy to go in and prop open the back door?

[398] Do we get a cool looking guy that's a loan that's buying a ticket to buy us a couple of tickets?

[399] So that was kind of the drive in our life.

[400] I'm picturing the three of you on each other's shoulders in a really long trench coat.

[401] But three of them is super tall.

[402] Has anyone ever tried?

[403] Has anyone in real life ever really tried that where then you go to pay for the ticket and the hand comes out of the crotch?

[404] that's a different kind of theater I think we can't try it all but yeah we were just very into movies and you know going to them reading about them and I think it was you know when Owen went to the University of Texas and met Wes Anderson and you know Wes wanted to be a director Owen was always writing and you know kind of interested in acting as well and then that's kind of when we just thought that we'd try and make a movie And I think maybe Ed Burns' first movie, Brothers McMullen, had come out so we'd heard that, okay, maybe if you can scrape together some money, you can make a whole movie.

[405] And then, you know, discovered that even that was pretty hard to do.

[406] And then met this guy, Kit Carson and Dallas, who was kind of an experimental filmmaker.

[407] It sounds like a gunslayer.

[408] Now we ran across Kit Carson.

[409] Well, that was, that is an old.

[410] It is an old name.

[411] It is.

[412] But I just loved it.

[413] Then we ran into Kit Carson.

[414] Did he help you get into film?

[415] No, he shot us.

[416] So we wind up on the Chisholm trail.

[417] But yeah, that's kind of how we got started.

[418] He told us to make a short film.

[419] And then that's how we got started.

[420] I have to say, I think from one of my favorite movies of all time has got to be Rushmore.

[421] I mean, it's really up there.

[422] And I've always loved you as the put upon.

[423] date who's being bullied by essentially a child.

[424] Yeah, by a kid.

[425] You're trying so hard to be decent.

[426] It's something you're really funny playing is I'm trying, I'm trying to be a good guy here.

[427] I'm trying to be decent and weather this, and this kid is just a prick.

[428] I met Bill Clinton once, and he was like, you do put a pawn really well.

[429] That's something you're really good at.

[430] That's interesting.

[431] I just think it's funny for a present.

[432] It's one thing for me to notice that because I work in this business, you know, but it's so funny to think of you meeting Putin, and he's just like, you put the ban, you're doing it.

[433] Very good.

[434] Straight, man. Yeah, no, it did kind of throw me off, too, to think, gosh, I don't like the idea that he's watching even a comedy that closely.

[435] Right, where he'd kind of notice that.

[436] Yeah, I noticed a couple of takes where you seemed a little off.

[437] You seemed tired.

[438] I went through the dailies.

[439] I mean, Houston's a good town.

[440] You must have been partying.

[441] Was that it?

[442] He gets really, Clinton gets really specific.

[443] There's a hooters out on the Alamos, Steve, boy.

[444] I know who was partying before you shot on that day.

[445] Yeah, what have you enjoyed the most of the movies that you've made?

[446] Or what are the ones that you really feel like, oh, my God, I loved making that one?

[447] Yeah, maybe the Royal Tenen bombs just because, like you were saying, Rushmore was really fun to make and just happy that Owen and West got to make another movie because, you know, we thought bottle rocket was it.

[448] There was always kind of a feeling of melancholy while we were making it because we knew that the studio didn't like it.

[449] They didn't like the dailies.

[450] you know, they were always going to be sending executives down to kind of monitor us.

[451] Right.

[452] So just the fact that those guys got to make another movie and then, you know, that they were able to get Bill Murray to act and it was really exciting.

[453] So then, you know, on the Tenen bombs, just knowing how much Wes love New York, the fact that he'd get to shoot in New York and, you know, have Gene Hackman and Angelica, Houston, really start putting people in it.

[454] Yeah, that for me was probably the most exciting in those.

[455] then really fun just to get to visit, you know, the life aquatic and get to see West shooting in Europe and stuff like that.

[456] But in terms of the things that have been the most fun to make, it's always kind of been with, you know, funny people, you know, when I've gotten to work with Will Farrell, that's always been, he's such a good guy, but also just a funny guy and a hard worker.

[457] One time I'd run into Will at the U .S. Open tennis in New York, and Will was with his, his kids at the time and one of his sons was probably like six or seven and we were sitting at kind of a high table with like bar stools watching the tennis and his kids were around and Will was saying he was kind of worried they'd had like too many coax they were getting all kind of jacked up and then at one point they they had Will and I on the jumbotron talking and didn't know it and his son came up to the table so his chin just kind of at table level he's like dad dad and Will turns and he points, the son points to the jumbotron, and Will looks at the jumbotron, and while looking at it, puts his hand on his son's face and just push us out of praying.

[458] And it's still one of the funniest things.

[459] And then the son, the little hands come up.

[460] Right.

[461] I mean, it was still one of the funniest and just like a physical thing, not even a, not even a joke or a line.

[462] But it's still about the funniest thing of every.

[463] seen we'll do just a huge hand on his face, you know, pushing him down and out of the frame while I'm a jumbo John.

[464] Yeah.

[465] I think we have something in common, which is people don't talk about it as much these days, but Mad Magazine was a big deal when I was a kid.

[466] That's where I think I also mainline some of my humor was from, I mean, definitely from television shows, but Mad Magazine was kind of influential.

[467] Yeah, me too.

[468] And I think just kind of, I don't remember any else reading it, definitely neither of my brothers.

[469] I think I just kind of got it at the local kind of mom and pop grocery store up the street.

[470] But that was the first thing I ever got kind of organized to do was to get the subscription to that.

[471] And yeah, I'd even, I mean, this, you were probably older, a little older by then, but I was in my 40s.

[472] Well, I'm saying when you'd have read mad and you'd have to get cracked.

[473] Oh my now.

[474] No, that's the thing is I wasn't going to go over to that to crack, but there was a, there was, yeah, Mad Magazine, I think had its huge, I mean, it was very influential in the 50s and 60s.

[475] And then I'm reading it in the 70s when they're reprinting a lot of parodies of movies that I had never seen.

[476] Do you know what I mean?

[477] So I didn't even know why things were funny.

[478] Yeah.

[479] But you could kind of get a sense of timing and rhythm from these comic panels, which, and also there was an artist there in the, in the magazine who drew for them called Don Martin, and he would write out the most fantastic sound effects and sight gags.

[480] And I think, so I just, I'd take a bunch with me to summer camp.

[481] And I remember, you know, summer camp is sort of like jail sometimes because they're usually on a bunk bed.

[482] You're far from home.

[483] You're not that happy.

[484] And you're waiting to be released.

[485] And I remember just sitting on my bunk bed and flipping through Mad Magazine.

[486] Yeah, definitely would have been late 70s, early 80s when I was into it.

[487] But, you know, just really, funny stuff and funny movie parodies.

[488] And I once was wound up sitting next to David Lee Roth on a flight from New York to L .A. and we just started talking and really got to laughing about some stuff.

[489] And, you know, once got kind of comfortable talking to him, you know, at the time Van Halen was broken up.

[490] And I, and he brought, he brought, you know, the band up.

[491] And I said, well, Dave, I mean, do you think that you guys will ever get back together?

[492] and he said, well, you know, it's just going to take a lot of hope and patience.

[493] It turns out they're not just two strippers and Albuquer.

[494] And then later I said to him, did you read Mad Magazine growing up by any chance?

[495] And he said, who you think you're talking to, white boy?

[496] That's fantastic.

[497] I don't think I've never had an extended conversation with David Lee Roth.

[498] He's a really, really funny guy.

[499] I mean, it's all kind of one liners, one after the other.

[500] Yeah, he's kind of, it's funny because he was in this, you know, one of the biggest rock bands of all time.

[501] But he's a little bit of an outlier.

[502] He's kind of, I think, aspired to be like a Vegas showman.

[503] Yeah.

[504] Which is probably some of the friction with the other guys in the band.

[505] Right, he would drive Al and Ed crazy because, you know, I think sometimes he would talk and kind of scat more than he would actually sing.

[506] which I mean as a kid you always loved all that stuff and like you know Panama for teacher when he's you know just doing those kind of one -liners like you know I don't feel tardy and have you seen juniors grades like that kind of thing I just loved all those kind of one -liners but I guess if you're in the band with him and wanted to sing but also one of the first things he did when he went solo was like this Louis Prima stuff I ain't got nobody.

[507] He's like, you know, yeah, I'm just a gigolo.

[508] And he's like, you know, yeah, I'm just da -d -d -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bo -bap.

[509] And you go right to see what I mean, hey, wasn't that your introduction to Louis Prima?

[510] It really was definitely mine.

[511] No, I was thinking, this is great.

[512] I can't believe David Lerath wrote this.

[513] And people are like, you idiot, that's Louis Prima.

[514] It's like finding Woody Guthrie through Bob Dylan, you know, it's like you get introduced to this stuff.

[515] Right, right.

[516] They'll be able to clip out that pause where you're just kind of staring at it, right?

[517] No, we're gonna, what we do is, you're comparing Dylan and Woody Guthrie to Diamond Dave and Louis Prima.

[518] I understand it.

[519] I was with you all the time.

[520] I don't know why.

[521] You know, I want to compliment you quickly.

[522] We're going to get off topic, but you walked in with a gift, and very few people do that.

[523] This is very nice for you.

[524] You brought me a book by the great Warner Herzog, which I don't have this book.

[525] fairly new?

[526] It's no. It's no book.

[527] Can I read the inscription or is just private?

[528] Sure, you can read it.

[529] Conan, today you are Fitzcarraldo.

[530] And it's up to you to get me up and over that mountain in the Peruvian jungle.

[531] And let's face it, it might not be worth it when we get there.

[532] Your friend Luke.

[533] I love this.

[534] Have you encountered Werner Herzog in your life?

[535] No, I haven't.

[536] But, yeah, I've read a couple of reviews.

[537] of the book.

[538] It's about a guy that was on a, it's a Japanese guy that after the war ended, he stayed on this island.

[539] Yes, famously.

[540] Yeah.

[541] He didn't know the war was over and he stayed.

[542] All right, until the 70s.

[543] And then in the 1970s, some tourists were on the island and they were getting shot at and they're like, what's going on?

[544] And he wouldn't come out.

[545] I know the real story.

[546] I don't know Werner Herzog's version.

[547] I just know the real story, which is they had to go to Japan and get his now very old commander to come back and tell him you're relieved of duty.

[548] Oh my.

[549] Yeah.

[550] I mean, because he wouldn't accept that the war was over and you had to hear it from his commander who was working at a right aide in Tokyo.

[551] So, I mean, that's how it'll eventually end for us here in Hollywood.

[552] Your first agent will show up.

[553] What do you want?

[554] I've got like an old musket.

[555] No, you're just firing jokes out of a cave.

[556] Yeah, firing jokes out of a musket.

[557] Conan, Conan, come out.

[558] It's fine.

[559] It's over.

[560] There is no show at Radio City.

[561] The preparations for nothing.

[562] This is so nice, but you're a big reader.

[563] I know you're a big reader because you're always talking to me about books you've just been reading or read.

[564] I buy a lot of books.

[565] I definitely got that from my dad.

[566] Do you build shelves with them?

[567] Is that what you do?

[568] You use them to prop up things.

[569] No, I always, you know, it's just always, I'm always looking for a good book.

[570] Tend to read a lot of, you know, biographies and read a lot about music and stuff like that.

[571] It's not as if I'm reading kind of deep, you know, intellectual texts.

[572] Well, it's funny, I have a thing, my wife pretty much only reads fiction and she reads, that's good.

[573] She reads the classics, and she's very incredibly smart and literate.

[574] and I always, my go -to was history.

[575] I will only read history and my attitude was, I just want to know what, I've got to know what happened.

[576] I need to know what happened.

[577] I don't have time to waste on someone's made -up story.

[578] You know, and she'll say like, and she'll say, you know, I'm reading like this classic of literature, you know, and, you know, I'm reading Dostoevsky or something.

[579] I'm like, ah, it's all made up, blithering and bothering.

[580] I've got to know what really happened.

[581] And so, yeah, and that's my go -to.

[582] I'm trying to get out of that.

[583] I'm trying to read more and more fiction.

[584] Yeah, I try and read little fiction here and there.

[585] It is great when you do find a good fiction book.

[586] You're doing a lot of shifting around on your chair.

[587] I was told to sit up straight.

[588] By your parents or by someone here?

[589] One of your producers said, are you going to be slouching like that?

[590] Or are you going to sit up?

[591] Who said that?

[592] No, no. Eduardo did.

[593] Eduardo?

[594] Just because I'd gotten here before you, which I guess is pretty common.

[595] What are you talking about?

[596] You got here.

[597] You showed up early.

[598] You showed up early, which was clearly a power move.

[599] Big time power move.

[600] But then you breezed in, and then you were talking about Dallas, putting Dallas down.

[601] Sure, yeah.

[602] You come in here with your Dallas ways.

[603] I'm just, there's a natural, look, I'm from Boston.

[604] so when I hear some wise asses coming in from Dallas I'm going to put me in my place I come in swinging that's who I am I got it what else are we going to talk about here we can talk about your personal life what's going on can I help you in any way I'd be a good wing man don't you think yeah yeah so know would I be a good wing man no okay no okay no you know what no he's really good about talking people up but I don't think Luke needs to Luke doesn't need it.

[605] You might be one of those wingman that you kind of steal the thunder.

[606] He's the wingman that actually you see him like riding off into the sunset with the girl.

[607] Hey, what can I say?

[608] I was just trying to help.

[609] Who knew?

[610] Who knew that she was into a guy who's got so many good chants?

[611] I'm as shocked as you are.

[612] Why are we becoming Vinie Barbarino?

[613] I was just trying to build you up.

[614] The boring son of a bitch.

[615] Yeah, I'd be building you up by saying, oh, yeah, you'd love Luke.

[616] He was really good on my podcast.

[617] What happened?

[618] Suddenly she's kissing me. Who knew this had happened?

[619] I just think, you know, I think you should take me out some time.

[620] Because I see us having a great time going out.

[621] Let's do it.

[622] Let's go to dinner.

[623] All right, but tell me what's going to happen at this dinner.

[624] Seriously.

[625] I want you to look into the future.

[626] you're a smart guy, creative.

[627] What do you really think's going to happen when you and I go to dinner?

[628] First of all, what kind of food are we going to get?

[629] We're at Chasons.

[630] We're having the chili.

[631] Wait, Chasins is closed.

[632] Chasins closed in 1988.

[633] Okay.

[634] We're at Mousseau and Frank.

[635] Okay, again.

[636] Mousso and Frank works.

[637] They're still open, yeah.

[638] No, but yeah, everything's going good.

[639] I mean, I am excited to talk to you.

[640] I mean, it's really nice to be here and to meet your crew and to see this build, this wonderful, We built this wonderful place, kind of a madman's lair.

[641] I think what I'd like to do is have the word get out that some, you know, some really wild stuff is happening here in this building where we're making the podcast, you know.

[642] I mean, it's fun during the day, but you really want to be there late night.

[643] Yeah, you want to be there late at night when Conan really lets his freak flag a fly.

[644] There should just be one morning where foam is just coming out all the way to us.

[645] Yeah, yeah.

[646] A blue foam.

[647] Yeah.

[648] phone is coming out the window and when people ask that you don't want to know you don't want to know if you have to ask yeah but i'd like to be known as a guy who's like the center like this is my playboy mansion can you start spreading that rumor for us yeah yeah i'll do that when i leave here just say there's all kinds of stuff going on don't get too specific the less specific you are the more interesting it's going to make it see it it's wild i i know there was it was the first podcast i you know It's the first one I did where there was an intimacy coordinator.

[649] I was like, okay, I thought this was a podcast.

[650] And how weird was it that that Conan was the intimacy coordinator, too.

[651] I was both the guy doing the scene with you and the intimacy coordinator.

[652] The guy okaying it all.

[653] I'm going to put my hand here.

[654] How's that?

[655] Okay.

[656] Have you worked with an intimacy coordinator?

[657] I haven't.

[658] I desperately, I desperately, I desperately, I desperately, I, I mean, I need one in my marriage and my life.

[659] I need an intimacy coordinator.

[660] But the idea of being on film...

[661] More eye contact, go on.

[662] More eye contact.

[663] And being told, this is where I'm going to put my hand.

[664] I mean, that would just freak me out completely.

[665] I think that is the way they kind of do things.

[666] I actually think I did work with one time within the past few years.

[667] I just was one of those things where I found myself kind of studying the person more than I was listening to what they were actually saying.

[668] And this is, we were just doing a hug, right?

[669] I mean, I just said, okay, I got that.

[670] It was a handshake.

[671] It's a scene where you shake your grandfather's hand.

[672] And intimacy coordinator came in.

[673] Yeah, no, I was going to follow up and do that, speaking of Clinton, where you handshake and then you grab the forearm to really establish a connection.

[674] We had a Clinton story, and you were with me for this, Sona.

[675] Yeah.

[676] I did some event.

[677] with President Clinton a bunch of years ago.

[678] And afterwards, we were in a hallway and Clinton was chatting with me and you.

[679] And who else was there?

[680] It was the third person.

[681] And then there was Steve Bezlo and I think Rick Kahn was there.

[682] Yeah, but we were just sitting there and he was really talking.

[683] I mean, Sona and I were the main, he was talking to us, I think.

[684] And it was, of course, some kind of policy thing.

[685] Yeah.

[686] And he was saying, like, now see if we can get, you know, fresh, a desalinization plan in there, you know.

[687] That's a country that could really, you'd see a 25 % improvement in mortality rates.

[688] And he was going on and on.

[689] And his people came up and were signaling behind me. He's got to go.

[690] We're late to go.

[691] And so I'd say, I kept trying to cut in and go to say, basically, Mr. President, you need to go here.

[692] You're done.

[693] But it's a former president.

[694] It's Bill Clinton.

[695] So he was going like, and I'll tell you something else, if you can, you know, if you could get the World Bank to, you know, and if you could take.

[696] this and then you could do that.

[697] You would see at least a 7 % decrease in the number of unwanted deaths that have happened in that region because you've brought the guacamole in from a whole different area.

[698] Yeah, he was talking to us and at one point they made the signal again and I leaned out of the circle, leaving you talking to him.

[699] I leaned out.

[700] I had no idea what I just said, what do you want me to do?

[701] Like hit him with a stick?

[702] Seriously.

[703] I mean, I don't know what you want me to do.

[704] Like, punch him?

[705] You eventually did, Sona.

[706] You said I have to go shoplift.

[707] I'll be back in 10 minutes.

[708] Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

[709] You got to go shoplift as scrunchy at Forever 21.

[710] I do.

[711] May I quickly go to the restroom?

[712] Yes, you may. Thanks.

[713] But you have to come back.

[714] Yeah, I will.

[715] We're going to talk about you while you're gone.

[716] It's right in there.

[717] This has never happened.

[718] This is a first.

[719] Wait, really?

[720] Yeah.

[721] Go for it.

[722] Yeah.

[723] Don't worry.

[724] There's a keep.

[725] Marks in there, though.

[726] Keep rolling on this.

[727] And I don't want you editing this out.

[728] This is a first.

[729] I would never do that.

[730] I think you would be a great wingman for him.

[731] I'm sorry, I didn't pack you up.

[732] No, I think I would be a good wingman.

[733] Right now, you'd be a great wingman.

[734] Get in there.

[735] Oh, no. No, no. Is that what's a wingman?

[736] No. Wingman is not someone who follows you into the bath.

[737] It's not just you urinate.

[738] First of all, can we agree that this is a first, maybe in podcast history that someone has left the studio to go urinate.

[739] I've done it.

[740] You don't have to specify.

[741] I'm saying is that this is historic and he has left and now we can talk about him.

[742] I should take advantage of this.

[743] I do think I'd be a great wing man. There's the flush.

[744] Hurry.

[745] I do wonder if he really is going to want to have dinner with me. Do you think he really does?

[746] No, I think he just said that to be nice.

[747] And it's not because he doesn't want to.

[748] I think we're both too shy.

[749] I think he doesn't want to.

[750] Okay.

[751] Okay.

[752] He's coming back.

[753] I think he'll slouch.

[754] But I think this was a good opportunity for us to get that out.

[755] Hey, Luke.

[756] G .S. Stay live.

[757] Yeah, we did.

[758] This is going out.

[759] This is live.

[760] Did you know that this is going very relaxing in the bathroom by the way could you hear us are they piping it in I could not I could hear you that was a lot of urine yeah a lot of just like ah fuck okay okay it is quiet in here this is nice this is nice I wonder how long I've been in there you were gone for four minutes I wonder how long I've been in here Luke the consensus when you were gone was That would be a good wingman.

[761] Sona said that.

[762] B, that they don't think this dinner is going to happen because they think we're both too shy.

[763] They don't think it's because you don't want to have it happen.

[764] That's what I think.

[765] But that we're not going to be able to, you know, consummate this dinner.

[766] Well, I mean, we live in the same neighborhood.

[767] That helps.

[768] I think so.

[769] Right?

[770] Yeah.

[771] So it's, you know, already you eliminate the 405.

[772] That's killed a lot of relationships.

[773] Right?

[774] At least your husband.

[775] What's, yeah, I mean, one of my children went to school past the 405, and I haven't seen him since.

[776] I mean, it's destroyed families, more than the Civil War was the 405 freeway.

[777] Seriously, you know.

[778] No, I think we're going to do it.

[779] You've just got, you're a busy guy.

[780] I mean, I can do it any time.

[781] What are you talking about?

[782] I can put the ball in your court.

[783] I can do it at the drop of a hat.

[784] Okay, we're going to do it.

[785] We're going to do, you and I are going to get dinner in the next two weeks.

[786] Great.

[787] That's what's going to happen.

[788] Wow.

[789] Great.

[790] And I'm going to podcast from the dinner.

[791] No, I'm going to.

[792] We're here.

[793] You're all right about me having a lot going on because I am going to podcast from the dinner.

[794] Uh -huh.

[795] Well, I, you are, I mean, I want to mention this.

[796] Look both ways.

[797] And this is with you and I love her, Lily Reinhart.

[798] She's great.

[799] She was from Riverdale, I think.

[800] Yeah.

[801] The person that I work with, my agent, Alon, when he and I were first talking about the movie, he was describing the story.

[802] And I said, ah, it sounds really funny.

[803] He said, it's with Lily Reinhardt.

[804] And I said, okay, well, I'm not exactly clear on who that is.

[805] And he said, well, she has 28 million followers.

[806] I said, well, I guess I better do the movie.

[807] And really, that's kind of the age we're living here.

[808] Yes, yes.

[809] It's absolutely, obviously, no reflection on her that I wasn't, you know.

[810] No, it's really becoming a reflection on us.

[811] More and more, I mean, when I go through my news feed and it's talking about celebrities, I often don't know who anyone under 30 is.

[812] And then I find out that they have 180 billion followers.

[813] And they're considered a God in India.

[814] And I'm thinking, I don't, what is this?

[815] I don't understand.

[816] Yeah, we were filming in Austin.

[817] And I'm from Dallas, as you know.

[818] Yes, yeah.

[819] Dallas.

[820] Ever since you shot J .R., I can't.

[821] I can't forgive you.

[822] Anyway, continue.

[823] I thought you were going to say someone else.

[824] We were filming in this neighborhood in Austin.

[825] There would be these big groups of kids, you know, waiting for Lily.

[826] And I somehow kind of became the go -between where they would call me over and say, did I know if Lily was going to be coming out?

[827] Did I don't know if she was going to be signing things or doing pictures.

[828] So I would have to then go on to set and we'd do a take.

[829] And I'd say, Lily, by the way, there's some neighborhood kids out there.

[830] They'd love to get a picture with you or autograph, perhaps, if you're feeling up to it.

[831] So, yeah.

[832] I would have screamed at the kids.

[833] You know what?

[834] My picture?

[835] In my day, I was quite the funny man. Total meltdown.

[836] No, they just completely went right over.

[837] They just had me acting as kind of the bag man for Lily.

[838] Yeah, yeah.

[839] But she was really great in it.

[840] And the story of the movie is she graduates from the University of Texas, and she has a one -day.

[841] night stand and it's kind of like the movie sliding doors where it's two different stories where in one she's pregnant and has the child and so she's kind of a single mother and in the other story she's not pregnant and moves to los angeles and uh but she was really good really funny and hard worker and then the director winori kuhui was uh great director it's kind of her first big american movie and uh yeah should be uh should be fun i'm curious by this because i I've never worked in that world of film.

[842] And I would just imagine if you get...

[843] I know, people are begging me to.

[844] This world of film that you dabble in.

[845] You make it sound like Bitcoin.

[846] Well, I think it's a scam.

[847] I don't think it's going to last.

[848] But it's a flim flam, this film.

[849] But I would think you show up.

[850] And the director, having chemistry with the director, has got to mean everything.

[851] like having some kind of understanding and communication with the director.

[852] Yeah, to get along well with the director is, you know, I've kind of worked with lots of different, just, you know, it's just like the actors, just all kinds of different directors.

[853] Some people, they'd give you a lot of notes.

[854] Some people don't give you any notes.

[855] And, you know, I always kind of think about like Mike White where I did this show with Mike, where I'd do a take and say, well, Mike, you know, what are you thinking of?

[856] Put his hands on.

[857] I don't know.

[858] Oh, that's got to feel great.

[859] Right.

[860] And then we'd be moving on.

[861] But, yeah, I mean, I, you know, I'm always one of those people where, you know, it's like I like a line reading, you know, if someone says, you know, like just how would you do it?

[862] And then just, you know, it's always kind of fun to try and do exactly what the director says.

[863] I've never understood that thing where actors, you know, don't like to get line.

[864] Right.

[865] How dare you give me a line reading?

[866] Right.

[867] Where it's really fun to then just try and imitate exactly what someone is just.

[868] done.

[869] Or it's like I would always laugh with Mike Judge.

[870] You know, he'd give you an idea and be like, okay, Mike, let's do a take.

[871] I'm going to show you why that doesn't work.

[872] Let's go, guys.

[873] But I can't believe we got through this whole interview and didn't mention idiocracy, which is controversial for me now because when it first came out, I loved it so much.

[874] And I still do.

[875] But the fact that it's playing out is real now is.

[876] is very disturbing to me this how we fetishized and seem to love who can be the stupidest person and isn't it funny that everything's so stupid is worrisome to me but there's so many great things in that movie I think one of my favorite parts is when you look out the window in a lot of the scenes that take place in the cityscape you can see that no one knows how to take care of buildings anymore so they're held up with rope there's so many things like that that they're using ropes to keep skyscrapers from falling down because they lack engineering knowledge anymore.

[877] Right, where I can just remember being on the movie with Mike and saying like, well, Mike, are you sure that we can do this?

[878] And you're like, you don't think it's funny?

[879] I'll be like, well, I think it's funny, but I mean, I'm totally immature, but I mean, is this going to be able to fly?

[880] But I do remember when in the last administration, they did hire somebody for a very important, cabinet job that was actually from Carl's Jr., and I thought, okay, now that is pretty incredible.

[881] That even I will agree that it is exactly like idiocacy.

[882] Yes, yeah, it's starting to and just the reverence they have for these, you know, I'm over -the -top entertainers, and it's just becoming the reality of our political situation.

[883] Yeah.

[884] I mean, people would ask me about it, and I'd always say, well, I actually think Camacho would make a great person.

[885] president.

[886] I mean, he cared about the people, you know.

[887] He's kind of empathetic.

[888] Yes.

[889] You know, he wanted to take action.

[890] Yeah.

[891] He's looking pretty good right now.

[892] But yeah, my judge is pretty incredible guy.

[893] I mean, he is, yeah.

[894] This is, I mean, I have to say, I was driving in today and excited to be talking to you, but also knew that this would be one of the really good ones because your friend is wrong.

[895] It's not about keeping up with Conan.

[896] It's about meeting him halfway.

[897] And that's a great country song.

[898] It's about what country song is that?

[899] The Ballot of Conan.

[900] See, this is the kind of conversation we're going to have at dinner.

[901] Okay.

[902] At a, what kind of meal?

[903] What do you like to eat?

[904] Anything.

[905] Carl's Jr.?

[906] Jr. is a rebellion against his father.

[907] It's a vegan restaurant.

[908] If you have time, we'll go to the regular Scarls Jr., but, you know, if you're in a hurry, we'll go to Carl's Jr., Jr. I love you setting up that I'm a really busy guy, which I don't think is the case.

[909] That's kind of like a passive -aggressive thing.

[910] Yeah, oh, you're a busy guy.

[911] You don't have time for a simple fellow like me. A Dallas guy.

[912] Yeah, a Dallas guy.

[913] Oh, man, you're one of those Boston guys never have time for a Dallas guy.

[914] Luke Wilson, you're a wonderful fellow.

[915] You really are.

[916] I mean that honestly, and I love talking to you, and I look forward to our meal in the next two weeks.

[917] Thanks a ton for having me on.

[918] Really fun to talk to you and great to see you, so thanks very much.

[919] Thank you, sir.

[920] As it's time to get serious, we need to talk about the tragic power of this podcast.

[921] What do you mean?

[922] On a summer smores episode from this summer, I mentioned a specific dessert that I like to enjoy with some bourbon from a place called Little Flower in Pasadena.

[923] I don't want to name the dessert and I'll tell you why.

[924] My wife went in there this weekend.

[925] We had this whole weekend planned out.

[926] She was going to pick up this dessert.

[927] Going to come home, drink some bourbon and watch 1990s flatliners.

[928] Okay.

[929] She went there and they said sorry, we're out.

[930] Did you hear about it on the Conan podcast?

[931] Really?

[932] I'm not imitating anyone there.

[933] They're actually wonderful.

[934] But they had a little bit of attitude.

[935] And my wife said, actually, that was my husband that said that about this.

[936] And people have been coming in, name -checking Conan, and they've been selling out this dessert that I love.

[937] So what you're saying, it's kind of like Midas with the golden touch.

[938] You wish that everything you could touch would turn into gold, but then this power becomes a curse.

[939] Yes.

[940] You mentioned this honeycomb dessert that you really love that sold in this little shop that only you would find.

[941] And because it's two blocks from my house.

[942] It was so angry that he found this dessert.

[943] Because it was an organic little treat that enraged me. I thought we can't talk about it, but you already talked about it on the podcast.

[944] I know I did, and he just said it right now, but I'll bleep it out.

[945] No, you're not going to bleep that out.

[946] It's going to, people need to hear about this wonderful dessert you like.

[947] And if it means that you never get to have it again, at least you've shared it with the rest of humanity.

[948] Here's what needs to happen.

[949] No, no, no. You shared it with the rest of the world.

[950] But let me say something.

[951] You've had enough of, you've stuffed your face with enough of that.

[952] No, please stop.

[953] Honeycomb, honeycomb.

[954] Please stop.

[955] Honeycomb.

[956] Stop.

[957] Go in and buy the ginger molasses cookies.

[958] Those are delicious.

[959] If you see a bag of milk chocolate -covered honeycomb, if there's more than one, take one.

[960] But always leave one because I am seconds from coming in there and getting it.

[961] That's ridiculous.

[962] I don't agree with this at all.

[963] This seems cruel and barbaric.

[964] You enjoy a dessert.

[965] It really means a lot to you.

[966] You've had plenty of enjoyment in your life.

[967] Some would argue more than you deserve.

[968] Now it's time for you to share.

[969] This treat was other people, but instead, you're sniping and, and, and, and, and, and whining.

[970] I'm taking my tax.

[971] Others now are getting a chance to enjoy this wonderful treat, packed with antioxidants, and you are bitching it.

[972] I think chocolate is.

[973] I think, yeah, chocolate's an ant -dark chocolate.

[974] Dark chocolate.

[975] Yeah, dark chocolate is, but milk chocolate.

[976] This is covered in milk chocolate?

[977] Yes.

[978] Sounds delicious.

[979] Everyone should get some.

[980] Honeycomb, honeycomb, covered in dark chocolate.

[981] Honeycomb.

[982] Just leave me one bag.

[983] Just if there's ever one left, don't take it.

[984] That's all I'm saying.

[985] That's ridiculous.

[986] Why should you have more of it?

[987] Why?

[988] I'm not asking for more.

[989] I'm just asking for some.

[990] How about this?

[991] How about I make you some?

[992] No. It would be that hard to go out and find some honeycomb and, and melted milk chocolate.

[993] I can make that.

[994] I can scrape some M &Ms.

[995] No one makes it like Little Flower.

[996] My people at Little Flower, they do the best work.

[997] They're amazing.

[998] Oh, now you're buttering them up because they're mad at you.

[999] I see what you're doing.

[1000] I get it.

[1001] Well, maybe they could just put one aside for me at any given time.

[1002] Can I ask you a question?

[1003] Yeah.

[1004] Are the customers, irritated that they can't get it anymore?

[1005] Maybe.

[1006] No, I don't know.

[1007] Little flower is not irritated.

[1008] They are wonderful.

[1009] Yeah, they just seem like really good people.

[1010] They are.

[1011] And they'd be even better if they kept one off to the side.

[1012] Well, first of all, that's for you to go in and say hi.

[1013] I'm Matt Gourley.

[1014] And when they're done shitting the floor, because you're such a urban legend.

[1015] I'm not sure I understand any level of that.

[1016] Yeah.

[1017] Urban legend.

[1018] Mm -hmm, ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -ma -go -go -go -go -go -go -go -go -go -go -go -a -lal -lew.

[1019] Jesus.

[1020] Then, uh...

[1021] You should try their schlajaloos, though.

[1022] I've had a slash -a -lou, trust me. Um, but then, uh...

[1023] Why can't you help me this one time?

[1024] Why can't you use your power?

[1025] What's the help that you need right now?

[1026] I want him to convince them and be on my side.

[1027] And you as well.

[1028] I'm sorry, I just wasn't sure what the game plan was.

[1029] The games just leave one bag of money.

[1030] Here's a thing.

[1031] Okay, all right.

[1032] Because I've met your beautiful wife, your beautiful daughter.

[1033] You have that lovely house.

[1034] Everything's just going your way so perfectly.

[1035] And then you have this little treat, and what is it?

[1036] It can't be a little treat like Twizzlers or some other candy that everyone else likes.

[1037] No, it's got to be from a little shop.

[1038] A shop called, hmm, bleh, little flower.

[1039] Oh, do you have the honeycomb that's been caressed in milk chocolate?

[1040] Good.

[1041] I'll put it in my little silk pouch.

[1042] And I'll pull the string.

[1043] Oh, it's so tight.

[1044] And now I'll tie it to my little belt that I got as a Boy Scout.

[1045] There, nicely tied.

[1046] Now I'll skip home.

[1047] Honey, I'm home.

[1048] I love you.

[1049] I love you, too.

[1050] Hello, daughter.

[1051] Hi.

[1052] Wee.

[1053] Let's all have her honey come.

[1054] So can I ask you a quick favor?

[1055] What's Conan drinking right now?

[1056] He's drinking hint water Hint water Hint water I just drink it It's free We get cases to this stuff No you can't justify that You're drinking hint water I'm drinking whatever's here With a little fruitberry assies Put a bottle of gin here And open the cap And I'll drink it I'll drink whatever's here Why can't you go hunting For some little A feet shop I bet there's a little bell in the door Jingle jingle Jingle Jingle This is our own Matt Corley.

[1057] This is never air.

[1058] Matt, how are you?

[1059] Well, I'm fine, Mrs. Penny Whistle.

[1060] Help you today, Matt.

[1061] Well, I was wondering if I could get some of my little honeycomb covered in chocolate.

[1062] Why, of course.

[1063] Oh, look, it's all gone, Matt.

[1064] We've sold out.

[1065] Sold out?

[1066] God damn it, Penny Whistle.

[1067] Give me some.

[1068] Let me some now.

[1069] What do you have there?

[1070] I have a gun.

[1071] Please, put that away.

[1072] You're going to cough up more.

[1073] Matt's broken.

[1074] Is there a name, Mrs. Penny Whistle?

[1075] I don't know.

[1076] Is there a little bell?

[1077] Jingle, jingle.

[1078] You know what?

[1079] I'm going to make some.

[1080] I don't want your goddamn shit recipe, honeycomb.

[1081] I want my little flower silk bag, drawstring penny whistle treat.

[1082] And I want it now.

[1083] We'll get it for you.

[1084] Trust me. I'm going to intervene.

[1085] I will get you more of this.

[1086] sweet little treat.

[1087] I promise.

[1088] From Little Flan?

[1089] It'll be from a store.

[1090] You're just going to give me like half -chewed bit of honey.

[1091] Nope.

[1092] I'm going to buy some candy that's sort of like this, but sold by a massive retailer.

[1093] That's fine.

[1094] I like that too, but I just don't eat much sugar anymore, so I want this.

[1095] Okay.

[1096] God damn it.

[1097] I'll get you something that has honey and chocolate bits in it.

[1098] That's sold by a massive chain.

[1099] I got no problem with massive chain candy.

[1100] You got to find something that Conan really likes that's very particular.

[1101] You got to mention it on this podcast and then it'll be sold out.

[1102] Then you'll feel what he's feeling right now.

[1103] Yeah.

[1104] You'll be a little bit more empathetic.

[1105] I know.

[1106] What if I told people about this like fancy sushi place, this shi -sushi place you go to that you don't want everyone to know about?

[1107] Yeah.

[1108] I go to a sushi place that everyone goes to as a chain.

[1109] No, not that one.

[1110] The one you go with Dana Carvey to.

[1111] I think you know, that's Dana Carvey's place.

[1112] There's nothing I do.

[1113] First fall, I'm a man of the people.

[1114] I don't go to special little places, okay?

[1115] I get calls all the time from these stores that you go to where you find something you really like and then you buy it.

[1116] Not true.

[1117] No, it is true.

[1118] I work for you.

[1119] I'm your assistant and that happened.

[1120] You don't have to name the place.

[1121] I'd like that job.

[1122] I'm not much right now.

[1123] Listen, my listen, my point is you're going to get this candy.

[1124] I'm going to take care of it for you.

[1125] It may not be from little flower.

[1126] I'm not interested.

[1127] It may not be, but it'll be something that I find that contains some of those elements.

[1128] That's disgusting.

[1129] Yeah.

[1130] So anyway, let's just Take care of that.

[1131] All right.

[1132] Little flower, I love you.

[1133] Help me out.

[1134] Mrs. Penny Whistle, we're sorry for the intrusion.

[1135] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[1136] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam O 'Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[1137] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[1138] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Koko, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1139] Theme song by the White Stripes.

[1140] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1141] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1142] Our supervising producer is Aaron and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1143] Engineering by Will Beckton.

[1144] Additional production support by Mars Melnick.

[1145] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1146] Got a question for Conan?

[1147] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1148] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1149] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1150] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.