MFM Minisode 122

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Let's clear space for viewer mail.

[17] My sister's favorite segment.

[18] Okay.

[19] This is for your sister.

[20] Let's give us some respect for the miniser's Day, no matter how you got here.

[21] Okay.

[22] Hello.

[23] And welcome to the minisodes of this, my favorite murder podcast group.

[24] That's right.

[25] This is the broadcast group, my favorite murder ink.

[26] These are your hometown stories.

[27] They're your first responder emails.

[28] There are your, isn't my grandpa crazy emails that you are now sending to us that we read back to you and with love in our hearts.

[29] Here's the first subject line.

[30] It is, never trust a nice neighbor.

[31] Love it.

[32] I agree.

[33] Right.

[34] Hi, George and Karen.

[35] I hope you all ready for a story because this is the one I always break out during icebreakers.

[36] We like you.

[37] Hi, we like you.

[38] Constant icebreaker life.

[39] Hi, you're one of us.

[40] Hi.

[41] I live in the South, specifically in a town where everybody knows each other.

[42] A simple trip to the grocery store usually lasts a few hours because you run into everyone you know.

[43] Oh, I love it.

[44] You're lucky.

[45] Southern people.

[46] Back when I was in high school, I lived with my grandma.

[47] She was injured in a car accident that we were both in a few years ago, and my father passed away.

[48] And after my father passed away, I decided to move in with her to help out.

[49] We had a neighbor whom my siblings and I adored because he had gorgeous horses.

[50] Oh, the quad takes.

[51] That really is.

[52] Every day after school, my sister and I would always go to feed his horse's apples.

[53] He would always ask about our grandma and even help her out.

[54] On various occasions, he would come over and help her install things.

[55] or with tasks that I could not help her out with while I was at school.

[56] One night in October, my grandmother had to go down the road for work, so I was home alone.

[57] I went into the kitchen to get a snack, and I saw a massive fire in his yard.

[58] There was a glass sliding door in our kitchen, so I could see his house 24 -7.

[59] I didn't really think anything about it, because he always had been so kind to our family, and I just assumed he was having a bonfire or burning some cardboard he needed to get rid of.

[60] The next day while I'm eating dinner, I see five police cars swerve into his.

[61] yard with their sirens blazing.

[62] Oh, my God.

[63] What if their sirens were on fire?

[64] They light them up and drive down the street.

[65] On fire.

[66] They were blazing.

[67] Fire with sound.

[68] Blaring is the word you're looking for.

[69] And they then proceed to burst into his house and bring him out in handcuffs.

[70] My grandmother and I were beyond confused.

[71] And when we asked for information, the police refused to say anything.

[72] Turns out the night I thought he was having a bonfire, he had killed his wife and was burning her body and the evidence.

[73] Oh, my God.

[74] Uh -huh.

[75] So our friendly neighbor for so many years turned out to be a murderer, and my grandmother and I were in shock for months.

[76] Holy shit.

[77] Thanks for listening, y 'all, and never trust your neighbors, Jacob.

[78] Oh, my God.

[79] Twist a roo.

[80] Well, now mine kind of sucks.

[81] Why?

[82] Well, I guess it's from another perspective.

[83] It's called, it's called why I lit that fire.

[84] It's called.

[85] landlord murderer.

[86] Hi, Georgia, Karen, Steven, and furry BBs.

[87] Like, BB babies.

[88] Got it.

[89] You get it.

[90] Huge fan.

[91] Devout listener.

[92] I have a crush on Stephen.

[93] Let's get into it.

[94] For my first two years of college, I went to a small liberal art school in a very tiny town.

[95] Sounds idyllic.

[96] Sounds drugs.

[97] Bucolic.

[98] Oh, yeah.

[99] Bobonic.

[100] I lived in a shitty house, three of my best girlfriends.

[101] We had a very odd middle -aged.

[102] landlord who did weird things like paint the carpet blue and then in parentheses question mark question mark paint the carpet blue shit question mark question mark those are correct those are correct yes this being my first time living on my own I didn't know it was inappropriate for landlords to drop by and announced and give us bottles of wine and his shitty homemade candles he had he kind of gave us the creeps and would often invite us to come over to his place because he had a hot tub although we thought he was weird but harmless we always wanted at least two of us to be home when he came by.

[103] Very good.

[104] One day he dropped in to fix the kitchen sink and when my roommate and I were, when my roommate and I were home, he had scratches up his arm and on his face.

[105] And even though we didn't ask, he explained that he got them from a wood chipper while he was cutting down branches in his yards.

[106] We obviously didn't believe him because a woodchipper would seriously fuck you up, but we shrugged it off.

[107] I didn't know that.

[108] A few days later, we found out he had been arrested.

[109] Apparently, when his girlfriend had tried to break up with him, he kidnapped her, tied her up in bubble wrap, and threatened to kill her, then kill himself.

[110] Somehow, she fought him off and got away, and the following day was when he had come over to fix our sink.

[111] Oh, my God.

[112] I know.

[113] I'm pretty sure the scratches were from her fighting him off with the knife he was trying to use to kill her.

[114] Whoa.

[115] Then says, you go, girl.

[116] Yes.

[117] After his trial, he was sentenced to prison, and unfortunately, we still had to pay rent.

[118] So this is when we get it for free, right?

[119] Yeah.

[120] I'm sorry.

[121] This is it then.

[122] But we mailed our checks to his daughter, so he felt better that he wasn't the one getting the money.

[123] I forget the number of years he received, but I'm pretty sure he's still behind bars.

[124] Stay sexy and only rent from female landlords, Lacey.

[125] Gee whiz.

[126] Man. Yeah, the drop -by thing is not in any way acceptable.

[127] Your landlord should never come over unless you haven't paid rent.

[128] in three months.

[129] Yeah, that's exactly right.

[130] Shit, I have to stop saying that.

[131] I really mean it, though.

[132] Well, it's the, our name, our name is exactly right because you said it all the time.

[133] So I don't know, it's not going to change.

[134] I mean, I can't, I just don't want people to think I'm doing it, like, quote, unquote, on purpose.

[135] Like pandering?

[136] Because I just like it when things are exactly right.

[137] That's exactly right.

[138] I like accurate expressions.

[139] Georgia, the subject line of this email is my drug addicted needle reusing oral surgeon.

[140] Okay.

[141] So I am here.

[142] to anybody who is a bit creeped out by bad medical things you're going to want to jump ahead the 30 button a couple times.

[143] I can't do that.

[144] For real?

[145] Are you no likey?

[146] I can't.

[147] No, I'm you know I'd love it.

[148] Okay.

[149] Put your finger up if you feel faint.

[150] No, I'm ready.

[151] I'm ready.

[152] Okay.

[153] Let's go.

[154] Hello, Georgia, Karen, Stephen and Pets.

[155] My hometown story is from a suburb of South Denver.

[156] It is my very own oral surgeon who removed not only my wisdom teeth, but my mothers and sisters as well.

[157] He was recommended to us by a good family friend who just so happened to also be our dentist.

[158] I would assume that if he'd known what this oral surgeon was doing, he wouldn't have recommended his family friends to see him.

[159] And I'm unsure how he got caught.

[160] But in 2012, 10 years after we had been to see him, it was found out that from 1999 to 2011, this motherfucker was not only committing prescription fraud and using the drugs intended for his patients and treating patients while actually on pain killers, but he was also reusing needles from patient to patient.

[161] Oh my God.

[162] No, why?

[163] Don't do that.

[164] Right.

[165] That's just, you don't need to do that.

[166] This is, this is absolutely in the Dr. Death category of bum out things that could happen.

[167] Okay.

[168] Doctor Wise.

[169] Okay.

[170] And if you haven't our Dr. Death.

[171] I haven't.

[172] I just don't want to.

[173] Oh, right.

[174] Because if you, if you can't handle these kind of squeamish things, Dr. Death is like times 25.

[175] Okay.

[176] But if you can, it's one of the best podcasts out there.

[177] I'm into this right now, though.

[178] Okay.

[179] Okay.

[180] So, letters were sent to any previous.

[181] or current patients of his informing them of the situation myself my mom and my two sisters one of which who had just had a baby so we had the added scare of my nephew's health along with 8 ,000 other patients of his 8 ,000 8 ,000 had to get tested for HIV and hepatitis six of his patients had tested positive for HIV or hepatitis but of course it is impossible to say whether or not those patients contracted it from his stupidity myself and my family family all tested negative praise Steven's mustache oh my god that was in parentheses oh my god Stephen look at Stevens embarrassed sunburn face I gasped genuinely a few seconds ago you're bright red but it's also because you got winter the rent fair name of sunburn not because you're embarrassed that's the story is already so horrible it's horrifying and then you're pulled into it yeah can't wait um so they're all tested negative and we're able to put the whole thing behind us.

[182] The state never filed charges against his psychopath, but he agreed to surrender his dental license and license as an oral surgeon.

[183] How could they not file charges against him?

[184] I don't know.

[185] Karen, I'm mad at you.

[186] I will call the Denver PD.

[187] I wish you would.

[188] However, this guy isn't done yet.

[189] Uh -oh.

[190] In 2013, he was pulled over and arrested in Lake Tahoe for driving under the influence of cocaine.

[191] Dude.

[192] That's specific.

[193] That's very specific.

[194] Like, how bad are you on cocaine if you're get pulled over for it you're you're talking so much you start swerving yeah um he admitted to being a drug addict after his uh issue in colorado my sister who is also obsessed with your podcast and i searched to find any updated information after his arrest in lake tahoe but we haven't found anything i guess that's a good thing maybe he's sharing dirty needles in the privacy of his own home instead of with patients in a doctor's office anyway thanks for your amazing podcast and the wonderful murderino community listening to you guys always brightens my day SSDGM and always beware of creepy dentists Anne Marie.

[195] Thanks Anne -Marie S -2.

[196] Writing your story always brightens my day.

[197] Any kind of needle involuntary needle sharing story What a bummer!

[198] Like you go to these doctors that you should you trust like why go to the trouble of getting a fucking dental degree if you're just going to be a piece of shit about it?

[199] Well it's those drugs I'm sure he started with all the best in And then suddenly he's like, I could save a little more money for my cocaine if I reuse these needles.

[200] I mean, like, it's drug thinking.

[201] God, that's crazy.

[202] It's horrible.

[203] Hey, this is exciting.

[204] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[205] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[206] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[207] Who killed Saz?

[208] And were they really after Charles?

[209] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[210] This season, murder hits close to home with a threat against one of the three.

[211] their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[212] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[213] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[214] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[215] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Meryl Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVey, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[216] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[217] Bye.

[218] Goodbye.

[219] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[220] Absolutely.

[221] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[222] Exactly.

[223] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[224] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[225] That's right.

[226] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[227] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[228] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[229] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[230] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[231] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[232] Connect with customers in line and online.

[233] Do retail right with Shopify.

[234] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[235] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[236] Go to shop dot com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[237] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[238] Goodbye.

[239] This is called Almost Arrested in the Paris airport, which we almost, Vince almost did in the Amsterdam airport.

[240] Okay.

[241] Hey, MFM gang, long time listener, first time writer.

[242] Thankfully remembered this story after Georgia mentioned her problem that was found by TSA, which I forgot I fucking even mentioned.

[243] And so thanks for reminding me. It says, no shame, girl, I'm a nurse, and I have Crohn's disease, so I get it.

[244] Okay.

[245] Support.

[246] Thank you, thank you.

[247] That's beautiful support.

[248] Anyways, I was headed to Spain on a missions trip with a friend from college.

[249] We had a couple of carry -on bags that her boss had asked her to bring with us.

[250] We were supposed to entertain over 100 children for the next week, so the bags contained several items that would help us remain sane and not want to lock them in a room for a while.

[251] Oh.

[252] One of us, one of the bags looked like a men's toiletry bag and contained projector cords.

[253] We were going through the Paris security check before heading over to customs and on to Spain.

[254] While our carry -ons were being checked, we stopped, and the lady took said bag and looked at me and asked to go through it.

[255] I obviously said, yes, go for it.

[256] There's nothing in there but cords.

[257] She emptied the contents and then walked it over to the machine that detects if it has a bomb remnants in it.

[258] My friends and I were like, what the heck?

[259] She then proceeded to feel around the edges of the bag and finds a small hole in the lining.

[260] Uh -oh.

[261] she then pulls out a bullet and not just one but three fucking bullets what my jaw hit the ground i literally could feel my heart racing in my ears and just thought this is the end in the fucking paris airport of all places the security officer looks at me and my friend and we both are speechless they pull us aside after waving the bullets in the air so everyone in the area could see that two young american girls had brought three bullets casually with them to paris and started asking all the questions.

[262] We were trying to explain the officers that yes, the bags were ours, but no, we did not pack them.

[263] They were bought at a secondhand store, and obviously we did not mean to bring the bullets.

[264] After what seemed like an hour of questioning, they finally took all of our passports and wrote our information down and said, next time, jail.

[265] Cool.

[266] Cool.

[267] We got to Spain and told her boss the story, and he started cracking up laughing so hard that Kelsey and I were just standing there in shock like, no, sir, this is the wrong response.

[268] And he proceeds to tell us that he used those bags for hunting.

[269] Needless to say, that was the last trip I took with her.

[270] Love you guys and I'm so grateful for your show.

[271] I'm a traveling nurse and love getting to new hospitals and seeking out other murderinos.

[272] Stay sexy and check all of your bags, even the lining, Audrey.

[273] Oh, my God.

[274] What a dick.

[275] That's so shocking.

[276] Like, you're just standing there like, now explain these bullets.

[277] Yeah.

[278] And the whole thing of like, did you pack these bags?

[279] And it's such a like, that you're supposed to pack your own bag?

[280] Exactly.

[281] I did kind of, but not really.

[282] Okay, I'm not going to read you the subject line of this one.

[283] Okay.

[284] Hello.

[285] About three years ago on a Saturday, my friend and I agreed to pick up a king mattress and deliver it to her sister's apartment in Linwood, California.

[286] My friend's cousin agreed to let us borrow his monster truck.

[287] Hell yeah.

[288] That neither of us really knew how to drive, but did anyway.

[289] We felt stupid, but we were also too cheap to rent a pickup truck.

[290] I got it, dude.

[291] I get it.

[292] Have you ever been, like, was that a thing in a?

[293] Irvine at all, monster trucks?

[294] Not monster trucks, but there were definitely, like, yeah, big trucks.

[295] Yeah.

[296] In Petaluma, there was a couple dudes.

[297] Yeah.

[298] One of them was my extra neighbor's friend, Tony Dernberger, who had a truck that had those, like, crazy wheels so that you couldn't get into the truck by yourself.

[299] Yeah.

[300] You guys had, like, a lot of area to do off -roading.

[301] Yeah.

[302] Like, we didn't have that, so no one cared.

[303] Right.

[304] But that sounds terrifying.

[305] It's totally insane.

[306] And it's a very strange way to go around it like a little town when you're in this thing that's like you can also see you could see him coming like you always knew he was there it's just hilarious so anyway and they're just humongous so the idea that it's like we don't have to rent a truck we'll just use this monster that's not the same thing it's not okay by the time we'd completed the job it was midnight we were both dead tired about to drop off this monster truck to her cousin and then deal with the long drive home we had originally reversed into her sister's driveway so the truck was facing the street it was so tall we could look down into the parked cars in front of us we were starting the truck up when suddenly a white sedan zooms by in a split second we saw the driver's face and it was covered in blood dripping down from his forehead my friend asked is this a one -way street and I said nope the driver was driving on the wrong side of the road as we both leaned forward to watch him go he kept swerving and just barely missing the cars parked on either side of this small street my friend asked is he drunk and I said yep and she said, should we follow him?

[307] And I said, yep.

[308] And she pulled out of the driveway and followed while I dialed 911.

[309] Oh my God, I'm so here for this.

[310] So they're chasing a drunk driver and a monster truck.

[311] Oh, my God.

[312] The next several minutes were made up of my friend trying to tail this guy while keeping a safe distance from him at the same time as I give a play by play of what was happening to the dispatcher on the phone.

[313] We were trying to calmly tell her which streets we were passing as we went, but kept interrupting ourselves as screamed.

[314] of shock at how this guy was driving.

[315] At one point, we reached an intersection with several other cars as he began bearing right at the light as if to make a right turn, then suddenly made a sharp left turn despite having a red light.

[316] He only just missed oncoming traffic.

[317] We weren't complete idiots, so we stayed at the red light, but he pretty much stopped driving shortly after he made the left turn.

[318] He ended up in front of a taco place after just having missed a bunch of teenagers skateboarding on a sidewalk.

[319] As we pulled up a safe distance behind him, the dispatcher asks, are you guys in a large white truck?

[320] I said yes, and my friend suddenly panicked because we just behaved like semi -vigilantes in a truck that didn't belong to us.

[321] So as six cop cars descended upon this drunk driver, she and I took off in the opposite direction.

[322] Oh, my God.

[323] I wanted to stay and watch what happened, but she didn't want to have to explain our poor choices to her cousin.

[324] Stay sexy and don't be a vigilante unless you've borrowed a monster truck, Roxana.

[325] Amazing.

[326] Isn't that the best?

[327] Heroes and they need to get themselves a monster truck.

[328] Yeah, I think they earned it.

[329] Sell the mattress by a monster truck.

[330] I was thinking they were going to ram into the car.

[331] Yeah.

[332] And then roll over it and then it's like, it's big boy.

[333] Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

[334] Amazing.

[335] This is called mascot assault.

[336] Mascot assault is how you say it.

[337] Don't fuck with baby shamoo.

[338] Dear MFM crew and fur babies, I was just listening to Minisode, 120 and one of the stories reminded me of an incident that occurred just after college.

[339] I spent most of my childhood in college years in central Florida, and it seems to be a right of passage for many Floridians ended up with a job at one of the many theme parks in the Orlando area after graduating.

[340] I was working as a mascot in the park, although not likely the one you're thinking at the time, and this story happened to one of my coworkers.

[341] One day as I was coming on shift, I arrived to find quite the commotion in the break prep room of our office.

[342] One of the girls had obviously been crying, and the side of her face and neck were angry, right, with several obvious scratches.

[343] About 15 minutes prior, she had been out in the park greeting a line of children and taking photos when a man, who was there with his wife and several small children, decided it would be hilarious to take a running start and punch the character full in the head.

[344] What?

[345] Man, alcohol is a crazy fucking thing.

[346] I mean, for real, dad.

[347] Dude, dad.

[348] Just turn it down a notch.

[349] It's Wednesday.

[350] we're just trying to be on vacation dad that's right beers cost $14 here like why have you had three of them already the girl in the costume fell he punched a girl in the face who was in a fucking Disney costume or not Disney in front of a bunch of children what is wrong with you the girl in the costume fell and chaos rained for a few moments while everyone tried to sort out what had just occurred she was quickly ushered backstage to assess the damage and security ran the guy down He and his family were ejected and potentially banned those poor children from the park and our employee was treated for her injuries which were thankfully minor.

[351] Here's the kicker.

[352] The employee was only 17 at the time.

[353] So not only was he probably banned from ever returning to the park and any of its sisters, he was also charged with assaulting a minor.

[354] Shit.

[355] Stay sexy and don't attack costume characters, Mandy.

[356] Yeah.

[357] P .S. I also have several stories of little old grannies grabbing my butt or hitting on me others while wearing the costumes because why not?

[358] not.

[359] Thanks, Mandy.

[360] People are so weird.

[361] Oh, they're the worst people.

[362] Did you ever see the, oh, there's a video of like, I think it's, um, what's the dog?

[363] Pluto?

[364] Pluto.

[365] A character of Pluto at Disneyland and this little kid is fucking with this character, like being a little brat.

[366] And the Pluto finally gets sick of it and turns to like, and pretends to scare it, like be a monster and yells at the child and starts chasing the child.

[367] And the kid is having a fucking breakdown.

[368] Look it up.

[369] You know what I'm talking about?

[370] Stephen?

[371] You've seen it.

[372] I'm sure.

[373] Yeah, you can find it on.

[374] I love it.

[375] Fuck that job.

[376] Fuck that shit.

[377] And inside it's 200 degrees.

[378] Oh, it smells.

[379] And stinks.

[380] There's no room for snacks.

[381] So evil.

[382] Please write in my favorite murder at Gmail.

[383] We love all your emails and all your stories and all your family secrets.

[384] So please let us know.

[385] We do.

[386] Stay sexy.

[387] And don't get murdered.

[388] Goodbye.

[389] Elvis, you want cookie?

[390] Wow.