121 - Clomp Everywhere

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] And Beguin.

[17] And Beguin, the Qoo and A, apopode.

[18] White now Of my favorite mood Oh God Should we start over?

[19] Stephen just shook his head no Stephen said no Don't start over I don't think we're yeah He you like Elmer Fudd You like the Elmer Fudd intro That made me laugh All right Then let's leave it in Then you know what is Stephen likes Let's leave it in Can you do fake drug this entire episode Yes This is the Q in it Is there but, sh, sh, sh, sh, I have, this is not a secret.

[20] Always a secret with that girl.

[21] Always leaning in with her weird breath.

[22] I had to tell you something.

[23] And then.

[24] I had to tell you something I threw up early.

[25] I drew up and I took a nap and came back to the bar.

[26] What?

[27] Did you get away from me?

[28] I should do, sorry, I just had this idea.

[29] What if I did a one woman show where it's me and drunk me from the 90s?

[30] switching off, and it's like the spotlight goes up.

[31] Yes, exactly.

[32] Where it's just like, why did you feel the need to escape into the bottle every night?

[33] Sorry, what are you talking about?

[34] Thirsty.

[35] You used to party and now he's, what do you like?

[36] Can you, I want you to, let's keep going with this.

[37] Okay.

[38] I want you to record the, I won't record sober current Karen.

[39] Okay.

[40] And so that, you know, we don't, switching will get too confusing.

[41] Okay.

[42] So we just have recorded Karen.

[43] And then drunk Karen, old Karen, is in person there.

[44] So you're saying I get to drink again.

[45] Just because it's a show and it's not my fault.

[46] And it wasn't my idea.

[47] Fake drunk Karen is there again.

[48] Great.

[49] What is her hair?

[50] Did she have her hair in a ponytail?

[51] Did she wear a ponytail?

[52] Um, she's just kept bangs.

[53] Hold on it.

[54] It looks good.

[55] You don't know.

[56] You don't know.

[57] All right.

[58] Sorry.

[59] I would.

[60] drunk heron was the kind of person who would cut bangs so short that the next day when I would first see people who would I would be premiering my bangs like at the gap people would be like oh wow like yeah shocking bangs back they would back up they were mental hospital bangs they were like I found a razor in the bathroom and I gave myself a trim like what I did to Barbie when I was four and was like barb we need fucking bangs and all you do you basically just shaved her head in the bang area yes just shaved the bangs the more you cut barbie's hair the more you liked cutting barbie's hair until you were down to the plugs yes till till it was like well now barbie is a skin head because Barbie has to be a fucking racist skinhead she's a she was a racist anyway and she's always on a goddamn tiptoes let's shave this bitch's head god uh we're in europe right now guys bonjour for some reason Karen wants to be in Paris really badly Paris France is what Europe is to me we're in the UK in Europe so we're in the pod loft technically technically we're in the pod loft in our time you know what's funny though we we I don't think we need to be so constrained by the concept of time since people listen to this shit out of order anyway time space location all of the shit you know what it's it is all just human construct it's a bugger it's the government let it's aliens The clock is aliens.

[61] The alien government.

[62] The government of Mars.

[63] It's the government trying to put their shit on you.

[64] Yeah, I'm like, I refuse to, like, told what time it is by the government.

[65] You're just saying, this government thinks smarter than me?

[66] It's not smarter than me. Okay.

[67] I love him.

[68] So we're doing.

[69] There's always crying about some random person.

[70] Being in love with someone.

[71] Being in love with someone that the friend I'm talking to is like, I don't think you've ever talked about this person before.

[72] I don't know who you're talking about right now.

[73] No, I love him.

[74] I'm like talking about the bouncer.

[75] Then then you trade a piece of clothing with some other drunk girl.

[76] Whatever happened to you?

[77] I've got a drunk girl demand that we switch belts.

[78] And I was just like, okay.

[79] You have to go at that drunk improv.

[80] Yeah.

[81] It's so much easier because if you tell a drunk girl who wants to switch belts with you, did she think it was funny?

[82] Because I would do that.

[83] I would get these ideas and I was like, switch out this.

[84] Isn't this hilarious?

[85] I had one time, I saw all my friends, this is when I lived in.

[86] Sacramento.

[87] I was like, you guys, I'm going to order a grasshopper.

[88] No, I'm doing it.

[89] I'm doing it.

[90] It's like a mint.

[91] Have you ever had a grasshopper?

[92] It's like a blended drink made of cream to mint.

[93] I just pictured you on Amazon ordering grasshoppers, the insects, live grasshoppers.

[94] I'm going to give both constriction.

[95] No, I'm going to.

[96] Anyway, I, that's how I got my first pair of Doc Martins though, was at a party, a drunk girl.

[97] Switched?

[98] When I was like 13.

[99] was like give me your fucking I had like climbing boots on that I hated and she gave me her purple docks I know why because she was drunk?

[100] Because she was drunk and stupid and like she was like a basic bitch you had pre you had like broken in purple dots yep eight whole broken in purple docks congratulations changed my life yeah best shoes I've ever had one and I keep them okay the first time you start wearing combat boots as a girl in your 20s I'm telling you if you hadn't had the experience yeah if you're a girl who's Like, I need to curl the bottoms of my hair and always wear some version of a heel.

[101] God bless.

[102] Yeah.

[103] I get the comfort.

[104] You're, that's your style.

[105] What I'm saying is take a summer off.

[106] Yeah.

[107] Get a job two towns over and just start wearing flannels and fucking combat boots.

[108] Just see what it feels like.

[109] Because I'm telling you, there is something about lacing up a boot and having that thing of like, oh, you can't kick me in the toe.

[110] And you start to call them shit kickers.

[111] And then you feel like a fucking badass.

[112] And it's the best.

[113] And you just are like, you get real down to business.

[114] Yeah, you clomp.

[115] It's very tank girl, but wherever you live.

[116] But you're still cute.

[117] Don't worry.

[118] You're still cute.

[119] There's so much cuteness available.

[120] They all know this.

[121] These are people who are like, yeah, we're from now.

[122] We have the internet.

[123] We know how fashion works.

[124] All right.

[125] Let me ask you a question.

[126] Finally.

[127] Karen, this is a question from Lisa.

[128] Lisa.

[129] Okay.

[130] Have you ever done an escape room?

[131] No. Me neither.

[132] No. I have no interest.

[133] Let's do it.

[134] Okay, like force ourselves to do it somewhere.

[135] Yeah.

[136] I mean, I think it's an interesting concept and I've heard people talk about it.

[137] There were people, remember when we were at the St. Patrick's Day Party at Joe's, there were people leaving to go to an escape room and the way they described it sounded fun.

[138] To me, like, you're leaving a party where you just hang out and talk and drink to go escape from a room.

[139] Yeah.

[140] That's like, that's what you're doing right now.

[141] You just, it doesn't make sense to me. Yeah.

[142] Why don't you, you know what you could do?

[143] if you're at a party you've never been at this apartment before let me run ahead I'll lock some shit up and now just try to leave this party I'll try to I'll stop you all along the way here's my thing I don't want to do things in I don't want to do activities in public where you can succeed or fail right and it's a panic to fucking succeed succeeding as a time limit yeah and a pan so maybe you and Vince should do an escape room or a karaoke room when we're in Europe I will 100 % do both of those with you because here's what will happen in the escape room.

[144] Vince will take over and be so fucking hilarious that we'll just stand there laughing while he takes care of it for us.

[145] And we won't care.

[146] Right.

[147] So we'll never escape.

[148] I mean, also, I do have, there is a lot of faith in the idea of an escape room because all it's going to take is one lunatic to run one of those where suddenly it's not a game.

[149] Right.

[150] And you're actually locked into a weird round.

[151] Oh, you're thinking of like the next saw movie i'm i've just written and i've written saw 11 i believe it's called escape room escape room uh okay you want me to ask you more no let me ask you one go ahead i think we should go back and forth okay great um let's see uh just pick when it ran it don't even read it okay appetizers are desserts georgia appetizers a hundred forever for the rest of my life really that was from mindy by the way sorry i should have said her name first minnie i need to tell you that my favorite food is happy hour and that's all I want is appetizers and what's your what would you say your number one two one two and three appetizers would be like at a normal place or if I could like have my dream appetizer um let's say the scene will set for you is you're at the fanciest restaurant you would want to go to for like your birthday okay and that would be oh shit man you can say a type Okay, like, I guess Tamoshans are over here.

[152] That is the fanciest restaurant.

[153] That's all I care about.

[154] It's awesome.

[155] Okay, here's what I want.

[156] I don't care where it is.

[157] I want a fucking on point cheese plate.

[158] Yes.

[159] Like the on pointiest fucking cheese plate with honey.

[160] Like the one we got in Cleveland.

[161] Yes.

[162] That was the best.

[163] Oh, you know what else I want?

[164] Mini fucking corn dogs.

[165] Fancy corn dogs.

[166] We should find out what that restaurant's called.

[167] We went to a restaurant in Cleveland.

[168] It was a brew pub and it had all these items.

[169] And then just like, uh, devil dags.

[170] Oh, yes, you love a devil dig.

[171] That's all, that's my three, like, I just want that for dinner every night.

[172] That might be too high in cholesterol for you.

[173] Uh, dessert or appetizers.

[174] What my answer is, 100 % dessert.

[175] Okay.

[176] I mean, I, not that I don't love a good appetizer, but I do am the person who truly, I don't talk about the fact that I'm saving room for dessert.

[177] I'm just doing it But I'll only base it on if I know There's nothing more embarrassing When you're the only one that wants to get dessert No Come on we'll split it And everyone's just staring at you I'm like I'm paleo But my favorite thing is when everyone gets dessert Even when the staunchest Paleoist break down And get like one scoop of the thing And then they're like This is the craziest thing I've ever had That's what life's all about We've been living in Los Angeles for way too long Everyone is a thing.

[178] Everyone is a fucking gluten -free, paleo -vegan, fucking sugar -free, juicing.

[179] Juicing fucking bullshit.

[180] Fat flush.

[181] Yes.

[182] All right.

[183] That was mine.

[184] So what's yours?

[185] This is a different Lisa.

[186] It says different Lisa.

[187] Thank you, Steve.

[188] And this is another food question.

[189] What are each of your favorite cereals?

[190] Oh, shit.

[191] That's a great question.

[192] I love that these are not murder -related.

[193] I like it.

[194] Coming straight out of the box with those sugar corn pops.

[195] Sugar -pops, are they called that now?

[196] I think now they're called corn pops, right?

[197] Are those the ones with the frog?

[198] Those are sugar smacks.

[199] And those are little weird oat puffed oats.

[200] This is puffed corn.

[201] Oh, I don't know it.

[202] They're bigger.

[203] They look like golden nuggets.

[204] Ooh.

[205] And do they look like, what are those things?

[206] those things called corn, Aztec corn.

[207] That's right.

[208] You know those.

[209] Oh, yeah.

[210] Corn pops.

[211] Those are good?

[212] That's, I could eat.

[213] I'm not kidding, like 13 bowls of those in a row.

[214] I can't have cereal in the house because when I start to eat it, I love it so much that I can't stop.

[215] I think that's a normal thing for people, for like a lot of women.

[216] Really?

[217] Like, they can't have cereal in the house.

[218] It's just because you keep on filling up to finish the milk.

[219] I know.

[220] I know.

[221] Oh, I better finish this milk.

[222] Whoops, too dry.

[223] better put some more milk in.

[224] Mine is raisin net brand.

[225] It's like the most boring.

[226] You're a nerd.

[227] I'm such a nerd.

[228] Have you had it though?

[229] Is that the one where the raisins are coated in nuts?

[230] Yes.

[231] That's good shit.

[232] It's actually incredibly sweet.

[233] So it's not like, it's a secret healthy.

[234] It's not healthy.

[235] I like this though.

[236] It's so fucking good.

[237] I want to cry.

[238] And then like I'll pour a bowl and eat it and be like there weren't enough raisin nuts in there.

[239] And so I'll pour another bowl to get more raisin nuts.

[240] And then there's too many raisin nuts.

[241] Right.

[242] It's my favorite.

[243] I wonder if you shook that box I shake it every time and it never It's just always Can't redistribute correctly No it's my problem Regular milk Um 2 % is what I usually do Okay My cousins used to do fat -free And it was like that milk is clear It's water That's scary That milk is blue And you're not supposed to drink that anymore now I don't drink milk anymore But if I do Yeah I mean I just don't have it Yeah I do like vanilla Sugar, who cares were you going to give us your almond milk order?

[244] Yeah, but some fucking poor person's like, I wanted to hear about murder.

[245] Do you ever ask a true cry?

[246] Ask a murder one.

[247] Could, this is from Hillary.

[248] This is a fascinating question.

[249] Could either of you have stayed married to Robert Graysmith?

[250] Robert Graysmith was the cartoonist who worked at the San Francisco Chronicle when they were trying to solve the Zodiac killings.

[251] The weirdo?

[252] And he wrote that book and he's Jake Gyllenhaal in the movies by the Finch.

[253] He definitely seemed, I want, you know, you always want to be like, no, it's fascinating.

[254] I would have been so interested.

[255] He just seemed really emotionally unavailable.

[256] Yes.

[257] He didn't seem like a warm person.

[258] Yes.

[259] Yeah.

[260] I think I've already had that relationship.

[261] Which was like what?

[262] What are the characteristics of it?

[263] It was almost exactly like that, where it's a person who's really nice, but has their own interests and is basically feels like they're just living an entirely separate life.

[264] Who doesn't share, doesn't share with you, even if it's an interest you're not interested in?

[265] Yeah.

[266] Or do you just get sick of it after a while?

[267] It's just not, when somebody is so kind of dedicated to their own mind.

[268] Yeah.

[269] It's just, it's really lonely to be with a person like that.

[270] Yeah.

[271] And I'm too like, I want to be up in everybody's business all the time.

[272] For sure.

[273] Like I don't, I need talking and I need, you know, that kind of thing.

[274] And like a gray smith, he, there's some, I mean, it was Jake Gyllenhaal, so it was charming, but he was a lunatic.

[275] Right, right.

[276] I need more codependency in my relationships, and I'm not even kidding.

[277] You need him to need you a little bit more.

[278] Yeah.

[279] I have a codependent personality, which I thought was a big problem for a long time until my therapist was like, well, you and Vince are interdependent.

[280] You're not codependent because it's working out fine for both of you.

[281] Yeah.

[282] Because you're giving each other what you need.

[283] Exactly.

[284] So it's okay that like, you're a little fucking lunatic.

[285] about it.

[286] Yeah.

[287] And so I need someone who needs me more than that.

[288] That's right.

[289] You know what I mean?

[290] I really do.

[291] I like that.

[292] Um, let's see.

[293] Relationship goals.

[294] Okay, here's this one.

[295] What's your favorite, did they?

[296] This is from Katie.

[297] What's your favorite, did they or didn't they murder?

[298] Well, if you want to get honest about it, how about fucking Natalie Woods, Mysterious Death, and Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken and how they fucking never talk about that?

[299] figure it out.

[300] They keep saying, they just said they reopened the case and I was like, tell us everything.

[301] Just tell us why like, what would be very cool now is if this next wave of the way crime solving starts to work is that we start to just get the true truth.

[302] Oh, this person paid this person it's almost like everything becomes an expose.

[303] Oh, well so and so paid somebody $100 ,000.

[304] Yeah.

[305] Like to actually be able to track bribery to track all the things and just really know what really happened totally well Stephen made a good point that we need to bring our recorder with us on our tour because what if the zodiac is fucking found through DNA while we're there and we're just scrambling to scream into our phone to record an episode that would be a you know you do have a selfie stick right I do I'll bring it we need it that is brilliant if you're not already on the fan cult and I'm talking in the future because I think we've decided that while we're on our UK tour, we're going to be posting videos.

[306] Yes.

[307] Now it turns out we're going to be doing it with a fucking selfie stick.

[308] Selfie stick.

[309] I think it'll be funny and fun.

[310] I think it's a fucking great idea.

[311] To do it that way.

[312] I'm going to bring a bigger purse just so I can carry it in my big purse.

[313] I mean, I have to say I don't like recording myself in any way, but the idea of us keeping a video log as we travel through Europe in the weird non it's almost anti -tourism the way chores end up going you like get there you get to your room you pass out you're super tired you work on your shit yeah you go to a show you have this super surreal venue in the backs in the back of this like weird auditorium with like weird snacks oh and they're going to be especially weird because they're fucking foreign snacks it's going to be higher quality because they're cheese they care about human beings oh it's going to be really nice and no vegetables no vegetables please Okay.

[314] Wait, was that you?

[315] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[316] We said did they or didn't they?

[317] Oh, yeah.

[318] Robert Wagner.

[319] Oh, sorry.

[320] I don't care.

[321] I want that one too.

[322] What's yours?

[323] John Bonnet.

[324] I don't care.

[325] Oh, John Bonnet.

[326] Yeah.

[327] They did.

[328] What if, what if all these oldies just start getting solved?

[329] Oh, that'll be fun.

[330] That'll be like, that could be the perfect antidote to the Trump administration.

[331] Like, I already, like, when Golden State Killer, when they arrested him, something lifted off of me. That was just like, Oh, yeah, more of this.

[332] Because it's fair.

[333] Finally justice.

[334] Yeah.

[335] It's so unfair that this motherfucker got to hide.

[336] Yes.

[337] And yeah, that's a good point.

[338] It's finally fair.

[339] Yeah, it's going to be even.

[340] It's not.

[341] Georgia.

[342] Yeah.

[343] This is from Justine.

[344] Justine.

[345] Do you believe in astrology?

[346] No. You do not.

[347] But it's fun.

[348] Yeah.

[349] But you don't believe it's the truth.

[350] I think it's really fun and it doesn't hurt anyone.

[351] And I like, I'll always want to hear my horoscope.

[352] If someone's like, oh, I'm going to read my horoscope, fucking read me Gemini.

[353] But here's the problem, too, is that my sign, Gemini, were fucking known for being bat -shit bananas, crazy, unreliable, shitty people.

[354] And I swear to God, I'm not, and I'm sure every Gemini says this, I'm not like normal Gemini's.

[355] I know Gemini's.

[356] Yes.

[357] And they're fucking whack.

[358] My mother was Gemini.

[359] Oh, shit.

[360] Oh, no. What was she like?

[361] Is she like me at all?

[362] What were they like?

[363] A little bit.

[364] A little bit.

[365] And ran ram ram, you know.

[366] Yeah, it's just the turns.

[367] It's the turns of like good mood, bad mood or interested, not interested.

[368] Not like you don't do it emotionally.

[369] You're very steady emotionally.

[370] In my opinion, you change your mind a lot.

[371] That's true.

[372] That's not true.

[373] That's kind of true.

[374] That's kind of true.

[375] You know it.

[376] Do you, Taurus?

[377] Yes.

[378] I I yes except for the way they described Taurus Taurus Taurus instead of like the car commercial Taurus the way they described it as like homebound earthy into flowers or whatever I'm like you're just describing a cow that's you're saying what a cow But don't they say you're like you guys are like you're the opposite of me where you like make a decision and there's no fucking changing your mind at all That's right stubborn stubborn super stubborn and super like stick to the plan yeah I don't believe I guess the thing is I don't believe in astrology I enjoy it so I don't believe you know what I mean like of course when I meet when I meet a dude I'm dating that I'm into I look up Geminize and whatever the fuck go together exactly find that birthday yeah and everyone does this I wonder if I bet guys don't do it but girls do this all the guys don't do it for sure you that's right you find the person's birthday And then you look up that, like, Linda Goodman's son signs.

[379] And you're like, oh, my God, look at how compatible we are.

[380] I will say, like, Vince is a pretty perfect Leo, which is like a steady, fucking reliable, dependable person.

[381] And it works with my fucking crazy brain, Gemini.

[382] My sister's a Leo, too.

[383] Oh, you asked me that one.

[384] I did.

[385] Sorry, but did I say that was Justine's?

[386] Because it was Justine's question.

[387] Justine, Justine.

[388] It was fun to talk about Justin.

[389] Um, oh, okay.

[390] This is from Karina.

[391] Do you have any tips for traveling and easing anxiety in strange places?

[392] Or should I do a murder one?

[393] No, no, that's good.

[394] Um, music.

[395] Constantly have music in your ears or something soothing that you enjoy.

[396] Yeah, you've got to get those wireless air buds.

[397] Oh, the best.

[398] They are worth, I think they're 150 bucks.

[399] This is not a commercial.

[400] It is not a commercial.

[401] This is like, if you're on old school headphones.

[402] And you keep walking past a doorknob and ripping them out of your fucking head.

[403] The worst.

[404] Get those wireless ones.

[405] They're little.

[406] It just feels like you are in your own world.

[407] And then you're able to build your own world a little bit.

[408] And know that if you, by traveling, if you mean you're nervous to fly on a plane, I just told somebody else this the day I was locked out of my house.

[409] And I did.

[410] I said, ask me anything.

[411] You have to remember the when you're flying, you're safer on a plane than you are on your bathroom.

[412] Oh, my God.

[413] You're more likely to get killed in your house.

[414] your bathroom then you are on a plane and you have to watch the if you start to get nervous or you start or your mental kind of storyline starts taking over just start watching the stewardesses the air hostesses whether the fuck they're called flight attendants flight attendants is it flight attendant is it flight attendant okay is that the newest one then i don't know um but they are so calm they do it all day long there's you can always look at them and be like that's that that's what i'm supposed be matching.

[415] Yeah.

[416] And also they know if you really start feeling like you're going to have a panic attack or something, if I can tell one of them.

[417] They're trained to deal with it.

[418] Yeah.

[419] Because people do get like, you just don't like to be in a enclosed space.

[420] But if you can get some air buds, then you'll be in a weird world inside of your own head.

[421] And then it won't feel like you're just in a plane.

[422] My thing for traveling too with anxiety, which I've overcome because I've had to do it.

[423] I've had to travel so fucking much.

[424] So I would say travel a lot, but you can't do that, is is that I kept realizing that I would be anxious and unhappy and nervous every time I'd go anywhere and then I'd come back and everything would be fine and I would be really bummed that I had missed an opportunity to explore and enjoy, you know, where I was and what I was doing.

[425] And it's just, I don't, you don't want to live your life being disappointed that your anxiety let you overtook your life, you know, because I'd be like, the cats are going to die, the house is, I need to get home and I'd come home and the cats wouldn't give a shit that I was home.

[426] Or they would for a minute and then they would be over it.

[427] And I'm like, fuck, I wish I really had taken a walk instead of taking a nap because I was overwhelmed.

[428] Yeah.

[429] You know, and seen Seattle or whatever the fuck.

[430] And but I think you're right in that you need the proof.

[431] If you have anxiety and then it keeps you from doing things, then you get to keep that storyline in your head because you never prove yourself otherwise.

[432] But like you were forced to travel.

[433] Yeah.

[434] We went on tour.

[435] Suddenly you're like, this is no big deal.

[436] I'm doing it every other weekend.

[437] Remember?

[438] When we first planned.

[439] the first tour, we were like, we don't want to do that many dates and we don't want to go that many places because neither of us were that interested.

[440] And when he was like, let you guys you're going to go to Australia, I was like, no fucking way.

[441] Yeah.

[442] Those, those are all my reactions at first.

[443] I was like, well, great, I'm going to die on my way to Australia.

[444] Of course.

[445] I mean, yeah.

[446] It's just, yeah, when you have anxiety, it's hard to leave.

[447] Just know what your brain is serving up to you is normal human bullshit.

[448] Right.

[449] And it's a lie.

[450] It's a lie.

[451] And it happens to everybody and you don't it's not the yeah it's the alarms aren't going off it's actually just yeah normal brain processes and the practice for all of this makes perfect because the more you should prove to yourself that you're incorrect about what you were worried about the less you'll believe it when it comes up again and you'll just blow it off at some point which is really fucking cool yeah you'll have a new experience yeah and hopefully find someone else something else to be stressed out about right they're out there you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[452] Absolutely.

[453] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[454] Exactly.

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[470] Goodbye.

[471] Hey, this is exciting.

[472] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[473] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[474] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[475] Who killed Saz?

[476] And were they really after Charles?

[477] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[478] This season, murder hits close to home.

[479] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[480] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[481] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[482] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[483] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[484] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on who.

[485] Hulu.

[486] Goodbye.

[487] It's me, right?

[488] Yeah, I think so.

[489] Georgia.

[490] Yeah.

[491] And I don't know if you want to name names or not.

[492] Always.

[493] But this is from Kelly.

[494] If you could go back to high school, which teacher would you tell off?

[495] Oh.

[496] I don't remember his name, but there was this creepy fucking...

[497] Probably for the best.

[498] Political science teacher.

[499] He was like the Polly Sai and the fucking football coach teacher, you know?

[500] And he'd like, we're a gold chain.

[501] and had his, like, he always were, like, he always were, like, khakis and then the, like, um, high school logo, like, polo shirt and would be unbuttoned a little bit of the hair.

[502] And, like, he would flirt with the popular girls.

[503] Like, they loved him.

[504] Sure.

[505] And, like, they would, like, I remember when sitting on his lap for some reason.

[506] Wow.

[507] Like, he was a creep, but only to the, like, pretty popular girls, which I clearly wasn't.

[508] not that I wanted his attention but I was like from a from a place of over here this is fucking wrong and creepy and everyone else loved him there was you know the popular kids favorite teacher yes I'm sure he bought them beer yeah yeah it's like almost like a weird cult springs up yeah well also those are those weird moments in when you're growing up and you're kind of like when you you those lines between popular unpopular are like hot and not hot they can be blurry for a while because you just don't ever want to know for sure or you can kind of kid yourself or whatever but when there are creepy adults that are like hone in on girls and it starts to happen to you in your you know like when you're 13 and older where suddenly like you know you don't have a target on you so so at first you're like oh thank God and then you're kind of like I'm invisible and you don't know how to feel about it because it's like it's so creepy and yet at the same time they don't get a shit about you Yeah, it's because it's because you're not living.

[509] It feels like it's because you don't know how to live in society the way everyone else does.

[510] Right.

[511] Like you're an outcast.

[512] When actually it's like you're not being targeted by a fucking.

[513] Perreditor.

[514] I know.

[515] There was a girl.

[516] Yeah.

[517] What about you?

[518] We had a teacher.

[519] I had a teacher that was, I would just love to go in and be like, you have a rage issue.

[520] He was like this insane screamer.

[521] And he was not like.

[522] I think it was this thing, he was on the shorter side.

[523] And I think it was a thing of, like, keeping the class in control.

[524] But it would go so far past normal yelling at a classroom full of kids.

[525] And people would just be like, like, sitting there, like, rolling their eyes.

[526] And he would be going.

[527] He would be, like, snapping.

[528] And it was in Catholic school, like, they don't have to.

[529] Yeah.

[530] It's not the same, like, standards.

[531] They can kind of do whatever they want.

[532] So they, they were teachers in my high school that were fucking insane.

[533] Isn't it crazy to watch them?

[534] adult lose their temper when you're like younger yes and you're like an adult losing their temper is like funny almost yeah and like oh god well especially when they're like seething where you're kind of like sorry this is about something else this isn't fit this is not this is not about chemistry was his name joseph d 'angelo i mean for real like inappropriate anger where it's like it's so nice that we're slowly coming into a time where that that truly is inappropriate.

[535] Like people go, oh, that's not normal.

[536] No. I feel like though, luckily there's more teachers I'd want to go back and think than I'd want to go back and yell at, thankfully.

[537] Okay, let's see here.

[538] All right, this is from Rebecca.

[539] Which celebrity do you think has murdered someone and used their abundant resources to cover it up?

[540] I wanted to be someone, I know.

[541] who it is.

[542] Paul Giamatti.

[543] How dare you?

[544] How dare you?

[545] I bet he has killed multiple people.

[546] No, that man his heart is right on his sleeve.

[547] How dare you say that about my sweet baby angel?

[548] So are his victims.

[549] You know who I would say?

[550] I think it's someone more like, it's like a than a white type.

[551] You know what I mean?

[552] One of those people where they're like head turns on their neck like they're a weird doll.

[553] What about, uh, not Pat Zajack?

[554] Who's Jeopardy?

[555] Alex.

[556] Trebek.

[557] Alex.

[558] Trebek.

[559] He's kind of, I think he's too much of a nerd to kill anybody.

[560] Yeah, he just looked like he likes to get dirty.

[561] No. And also, I think it's much more likely that he's going to be killed himself, correctly pronouncing a Spanish, like, the name of a mission.

[562] It would be like, Viejo, and then someone just stabs him in the eye.

[563] Yeah, Villerjo.

[564] And then he just gets.

[565] punched in the mustache.

[566] Remember when he shaved his mustache for a while?

[567] Georgia, this is from Kelly.

[568] What's your dream vacation?

[569] Oh, God.

[570] A nap.

[571] Dream vacation?

[572] Dream vacation.

[573] I don't know.

[574] I really, I just like eating.

[575] So, hot weather, cold weather.

[576] Okay, hot, warm weather.

[577] Warm, sunny weather.

[578] Beachside or mountains jungle?

[579] A little of both.

[580] Okay.

[581] The Kauai.

[582] I want to go to Kauai.

[583] Nice.

[584] There we go.

[585] Have you been to the?

[586] that island?

[587] No. Have you've been to Hawaii?

[588] Yeah.

[589] I can't believe how Hawaii smells.

[590] Oh, it's just tropical.

[591] Like, you get out of that fucking airport.

[592] Well, I've only been to Maui, but we walk out of the airport and you're just like, wait, what's happening?

[593] I think I'm going to do it this summer.

[594] Do it.

[595] Because we've just been traveling so much when we get back from this tour that we're currently on.

[596] Yeah.

[597] Right this moment.

[598] Yeah.

[599] And take a real, yeah, and take a real vacation.

[600] Yeah.

[601] Where are you going to, what do you want to do?

[602] Oh, you want to go to Vienna, Venice somewhere.

[603] Well, I do want to go to Venice, Italy, somewhere with a V. Victorville.

[604] Victorville.

[605] Oh, there it is.

[606] Virginia.

[607] No, actually, Virginia is probably really beautiful.

[608] Virginia's for lovers.

[609] It is.

[610] I want to go to, yes, I want to go to Venice, Italy, before it is submerged underwater.

[611] Do it.

[612] Yeah, I like Italy.

[613] I like Italy.

[614] Hey, speaking of Victorville, Kelly wants to know, what's your least part, what's your least favorite part about?

[615] Southern California.

[616] God, Kelly, thank you for letting me, let me just open up my book here.

[617] Get up on your box.

[618] My least favorite part of Southern California is the fact that there's so and this was not where I think there's more people like this up north now, but it used to be very Southern California thing when I moved here in the 90s.

[619] Mothers wearing their daughter's jeans with fucking facelifts trying to act like they too are also still in high school I find that and it happens a ton in the San Fernando Valley I find it to be heart wrenchingly horrifying like I find those women yeah it's depressing it's like they want to go back they're like kind of using their daughter in this weird creepy puppet master way where it's like do you want to wear this and they're it's just It's so much.

[620] The ones who were like, we get confused for sisters all the time.

[621] Like, no, you fucking don't.

[622] No, you fucking don't.

[623] A and B, how about you step back?

[624] You've already had your fucking 48 years.

[625] Step back and let McKenzie step forward for five fucking seconds.

[626] Like, that thing is so sick down here.

[627] My mom's my best friend.

[628] Oh, no. My mom is my best friend.

[629] I used to do this in my act, but I had a joke where I said to my mom, I was trying to buy her money from her, so I told her she was my best friend.

[630] And she goes, well, you're not.

[631] my best friend she really said that to me wow yeah because you know why because she's my mom exactly not my best friend yeah I'm supposed to have best friends that are my age and my mom has best friends that are her age and you don't have to wear the same clothes because you're not even in the same realm of life yeah give it a fucking break this question was for you thank you for finally asking me that question what's your answer I don't care you're from here yeah so maybe Maybe what's your...

[632] Pollution.

[633] Air quality.

[634] Such a hippie.

[635] Such a Gemini.

[636] The traffic.

[637] The traffic in the people.

[638] I guess the landscape and the human beings.

[639] The disparate...

[640] Never mind.

[641] The disparate life experiences?

[642] Yeah.

[643] Amy asked, who comes up with the titles for the episodes?

[644] That's a great question.

[645] Amy, nice one.

[646] Stephen, why don't you answer this one for us?

[647] Yes, Stephen, take it.

[648] Tell us your, Stephen, tell us your, um, your process.

[649] Walk us through.

[650] Walk us through.

[651] In my notebook.

[652] Um, I, uh, write down things that I find funny and interesting.

[653] Uh, while we're, while we're talking.

[654] Yes, while you're talking.

[655] Not just random thoughts you have.

[656] Just like a diary while you guys during the episode.

[657] DeWay your diary.

[658] And then, yeah, I just throw it back your way and we just narrow it down to something that we just makes us laugh, I think.

[659] Let's read from last night.

[660] Yes.

[661] This text who sent us.

[662] So we recorded episode, what was the one that was just posted today?

[663] 119.

[664] So 119, but it'll be one, you know, whatever.

[665] So last night, you left.

[666] So much stuff goes on in these texts.

[667] And then you text us options.

[668] At 11 p .m. when we were both at that bar last night, Georgia walks up to me, mid -party and goes, sorry, real quick.

[669] Oh, yeah.

[670] Can I excuse me, Ms. Kilgarra?

[671] She said, and I said, away.

[672] And then she said, no, no, we have to answer.

[673] this question.

[674] So here's a text from Stephen.

[675] Hey, here are some title ideas for this week's episode, um, episode 119, fingers everywhere, which is what we ended up picking.

[676] Yeah.

[677] Fingers everywhere.

[678] But there was also sally holes, power day, day raccoon, corn style, and reasonable face.

[679] Well, and it's, I feel like my favorite thing when I first started listening to podcasts and people would name a title after something that was said in the episode.

[680] It was so, there was like an elation of like when the person finally said it.

[681] It was so fucking cool.

[682] Because you don't know what it's in reference to you.

[683] Yes.

[684] I like that.

[685] I do too.

[686] And when we started, we were trying to do those puns that were very fun until we got into the 30s.

[687] And then I realized it was just going to be the same numbers.

[688] With a three in front of it.

[689] Yes.

[690] I feel like we should go back and rename some of those, rename those first episodes.

[691] Never.

[692] Okay, great.

[693] No, it's too late.

[694] It's like, it's already in the ether.

[695] We can't do anything about it.

[696] I just like, sometimes I'll see that and I'll be like, what?

[697] What does that even mean?

[698] It's so bad.

[699] Like an episode, what is it?

[700] Like 20, when it's like, what?

[701] That's not episode 2020.

[702] Why did we name it that?

[703] I know.

[704] What I love is people, they'll go like, I just listening to Project Artichoke.

[705] And I was just like, I don't know what you're talking about.

[706] That one took me a while.

[707] I totally forgot.

[708] That's what we named it.

[709] And people are being serious about something else we're talking about, but they're using the title.

[710] I love it.

[711] Like, We're like, it's a very fun process.

[712] Let's just say that.

[713] That was you.

[714] Okay.

[715] If someone made it, Karen, Alicia wants to know, if someone made a movie about your lives for some reason, who would you want to play you?

[716] Well, of course, Francis McDormand.

[717] Oh.

[718] You don't look like her.

[719] I don't care.

[720] Okay.

[721] I mean, does it have to be matchy, matching?

[722] I guess not.

[723] It could be whoever the fuck you want.

[724] I mean, I don't, I want both Olson.

[725] twins to play me. I wouldn't be so complicated that it takes, in Gemini, that it takes twins to fucking play me. You know what?

[726] That's cool, actually.

[727] And very like Charlie Kaufman artistic.

[728] Yeah.

[729] And cinematic.

[730] Like, we couldn't get one actress to encapsulate all her depth and fucking interesting shit.

[731] No way.

[732] And the, like, just the reverberations of her belches.

[733] So we had to have two actresses belch at the same time.

[734] Oh.

[735] Yeah.

[736] yeah that's good okay how about you Charlie Kaufman you like Charlie Kaufman to play you I think um Charlie Brown that was my nieces she used to call like um you know Merry Christmas Charlie Brown or whatever this Charlie Brown peanut specials my sister used to play them for us for her for us I was there too but all the time and so she'd look she'd like two years old and she'd look and be like Charlie Bowen It was like the only thing she could say, but it was her way of saying, like, do you want to watch it again?

[737] And then the first baby doll, my sister ever bought her that one of those dolls that looked like a real baby.

[738] She pulled it out of the box and she's staring and holding it and smiling.

[739] And my sister goes, what are you going to name her?

[740] She goes, Charlie Brown.

[741] Because it's a little bald, round -headed baby.

[742] And we were like, you're the smartest child on the planet.

[743] The way she can put these things together.

[744] The way she calls every single thing she sees Charlie Brown.

[745] What's the scariest bug, Georgia?

[746] This is from Becca.

[747] The scariest bug is a, anything that's not supposed to fly that flies.

[748] Ew.

[749] Like a flying spider.

[750] Why is it flying?

[751] It's a spider.

[752] You know what I mean?

[753] Or like a fucking flying roach.

[754] It's supposed to be a fucking cockroach.

[755] Why is it flying?

[756] I came home last night, real time last night, to us, our real time.

[757] and in the TV room Frank was not paying attention to the food that I had he was like wagging his tail which he almost never does and doing something in the corner and I was like there's a bug over there yeah and it turned out to be one of these cockroaches that's like the big black like big fucking little like a beetle yes that but they're they're brown right right but with wings and but like but like shells they're like they're like water bugs almost and Frank was had half eaten and it was what is he wagging his fucking tail for because he thinks it's fun it's like a little monster that he's caught oh my god well I still have that box of moths on the fucking that I haven't moved on the fucking balcony from the cats are you just going to brick over that balcony and never go out there again that's a good I mean look listen oh uh give me the other page where's the other page Stephen has it Would either of you, John wants to know, would either of you go in a hot air balloon?

[758] No. I, you know what's weird?

[759] I want to go to a hot air balloon festival, get up at dawn, and watch them all take off.

[760] Like in those slideshows that my father sends me through email constantly, those forwarded emails.

[761] Do they have like, uplifting quotes in cursive on them?

[762] You can do it.

[763] Yeah.

[764] But I would love to see that in real life.

[765] Like watch them get blown up and take off.

[766] Can they be like, can I get like, it can there be like an apple cider festival going on to because i want snacks if i'm going to wake up that early and go look at a thing that i'm not part of okay i want snacks great so we'll do this will be like a september thing that we'll do yeah so it'll be kind of like autumnal at what if we do it at the circleville pumpkin show oh my god um um uh what was the question This is about hot air balloon Here's my answer No because Margaret Cho Was in a hot air balloon crash Shut up And the last time I did a I did a show She was on it and she told the story And I could not stop laughing She like like People got seriously hurt Because a wind kicked up And her hot air balloon crashed Okay I just don't None of this Don't do this Don't do it Don't go up there Don't go up there But for a little while and this is very fascinating.

[767] For a little while, people thought, like, in the whatever, 1700s or I don't know, probably 1 ,600s, people thought hot air balloons.

[768] Actually, it's the 1500s.

[769] Maybe it was 1 ,400s.

[770] People thought hot air balloons were the way everyone was going to travel.

[771] You've ever seen those, like, postcards, the illustrations of, like, people thought that that was going to be, like, the new super highway or whatever.

[772] Idiots.

[773] Fucking fools.

[774] Stupid heads.

[775] We did that one.

[776] Hi, Elvis.

[777] Okay, Sue asks us this.

[778] She says, stupid icebreaker type question.

[779] But if you'd only bring five things with you to a desert island, five things, what would they be?

[780] I'm going to count them off while you say what they are.

[781] Elvis.

[782] Yes.

[783] Vince.

[784] Do you like that Vince a second?

[785] Don't tell him.

[786] Mimi, Doddy.

[787] One thing left.

[788] Oh, shit.

[789] Uh, a fucking hammock.

[790] And then you all get into that hammock.

[791] together and die as a family and starve to death i would have i would have to bring the very first thing is tweezers is it because the sun's going to look like be great and you can you're going to actually see those hairs that and i will fully look like tom hanks and castaway if i don't bring tweezers okay in six months they'll come and rescue me and be like this man has a go -tie did you eat karen we don't need her um so i would say tweezers um if they're a mirror it'll need a mirror oh yeah that's right a mirror um my air buds if they were connected to something and you might have go bring alcohol if you're going to eat on a fucking desert an island oh my god thank you how but a crate of rum then i just started saying a pirates of the caribbean movie plot line i bury the rum no one knows it's there i'm drunk eyeliner black eyeliner and big boots like jack sparrow yeah perfect perfect um let's see let's see let's see let's see i'm going to read the longest one i don't know what it says ashley says has reading slash covering a specific story made you change your behavior for example i compulsively locked my car after i get out thanks to a campus alert i received while in college about a man climbing into unlock cars and waiting until people had driven off campus to sit up and carjack them Yep.

[792] That's a horrifying story.

[793] Yeah.

[794] I think that I was already paranoid to begin with, but I guess I just gotten paranoider.

[795] Yeah.

[796] You know?

[797] Well, you know the thing, like we were talking about this other night, but I think I'm just suspicious of people who seem like they've got, like, there's nothing going on.

[798] Like, those people who are like in a good mood all the time, like positive and upbeat or whatever, I'm just like, you're not fucking fooling me. Oh, so yeah, you think people are hiding shit more now.

[799] The more even keel and, like, well -adjusted you seem to be to me. Because I don't believe people are really like that.

[800] So you must think I'm crazy.

[801] No, I think, no, I think you're the safest person there could be on this planet.

[802] Thank you.

[803] No, it just, the veneer, like, what's this big veneer for?

[804] Like, the people that are like, well, I do my CrossFit every morning and that I fucking do this and I do that.

[805] And there's no outer show that you are hurt, broken, affected, or whatever, where it's like, oh, are you a sociopath?

[806] So people who won't show any vulnerability?

[807] Yeah, people who just, they've, like, the outer presentation is perfection.

[808] I'm just, I don't buy it.

[809] Yeah.

[810] I like that.

[811] Okay, you go.

[812] Wait, did you answer?

[813] No. Oh, okay.

[814] I agree.

[815] Okay, how about this one?

[816] Rachel asks, if you could have been a fly on the wall in the police station for any passport or investigation, which investigation would you choose and why?

[817] That's good.

[818] Well, of course, I want to say ECR a rapist right up the bat.

[819] I think more so than the investigation, I want to be a fly on the wall for an interrogation.

[820] Yes.

[821] Like, to me, that sounds so fun.

[822] And, like, when I watch them, I watch them on, you know, true crime shows.

[823] I am obsessed with that part.

[824] and I want to watch the whole fucking thing.

[825] So I bet it was so fun to fucking interrogate Golden State Killer.

[826] Yeah, I mean, I would absolutely, I know that's very like of the moment.

[827] But it really is just, I want to know everything that's going on and it drives me crazy that we don't get a direct line of like, well, this happened yesterday and this is this.

[828] I think I would also love, actually, Burke Ramsey's childhood.

[829] child psychologist interrogation.

[830] Nice one.

[831] That's like there's a little bit of footage we can watch, but I want to fucking listen in on all of it.

[832] And I also want to be seated next to a child psychologist who can tell me what's going on and why.

[833] Yeah.

[834] Like he's saying this because of this.

[835] That is a bad sign right there.

[836] Like all that cranny crazy shit.

[837] Yeah, yeah.

[838] Where there's things that are indicators that you wouldn't necessarily know unless you're a real expert.

[839] I think that's also why I really, really did love Mind Hunter so much.

[840] Because any other thing that you could pick apart or have a complaint with, because that's all anyone does anymore is pick things apart, but I found it so satisfying that there was that moment where he was sitting there just having a chat with Ed Kemper, and there was nothing in you that didn't totally believe that was Ed Kemper.

[841] And that's really what it is where I'm not, I don't like the celebrity of serial killers or whatever, but I am fascinated with what happens when a brain goes and when someone just is following their own.

[842] crazy logic to that degree.

[843] Yeah.

[844] But they can actually tell you about it.

[845] Right.

[846] But that's exactly the way I'd want to do it where it's not really the real person.

[847] Yeah.

[848] And it's you know.

[849] You know that our, our Ed Kemper, our actor, our boy, Ed Kemper.

[850] He's in Barry.

[851] Yes.

[852] TV show, which is so exciting.

[853] He's in it and the Yellow King from the first season of the true detective.

[854] Right.

[855] That guy's an incredible actor.

[856] So good.

[857] That show, the fucking, the guy who plays the bald -headed, the shaved -headed gangster.

[858] Oh, my God.

[859] I love him so much.

[860] He's such a fascinating -faced person.

[861] Yeah.

[862] But that Yellow King man, when he shows up anywhere, because he was that, he's been all these things where every time he shows up, you're like, hold on.

[863] I know that face.

[864] I didn't know Vince knew.

[865] He had to show me a photo from that show to be like, remember?

[866] I didn't remember.

[867] That's the thing where it was like, I wish people would save their, saying people are genius actors or whatever.

[868] for shit like that word's like have they ever made you truly believe they were an entirely different person because that's good acting so good should we do one more sure sure going yeah I think we can wrap this down yeah if you could be on a jury Sheila says open back stairs are the most terrifying things ever right um open back stairs yeah like I think like my stairs right here or like someone can grab your ankle oh oh on the ground I was like aren't they all open backs?

[869] You mean like a slide that's covered?

[870] How would it not be open back?

[871] Oh, so like almost like 70s modern stairs?

[872] Yeah, I got sure.

[873] How about I'm not rich?

[874] In which era of U .S. history do you think it would be easiest to get away with a murder?

[875] I mean, Wild West, right?

[876] Yeah.

[877] Or anytime, I'm always shocked at any time that they solve a murder of like before the 1930s.

[878] Yeah.

[879] I mean, it was amazing how it was just like the crime scene would get discovered and immediately 17 reporters would be standing in the blood.

[880] And they would be chain smoking in it.

[881] Yeah.

[882] And like spitting gum into, I mean, it's so crazy.

[883] I wonder what your answer would be to this because I, this might not be a good area, but in case you do have an answer.

[884] Julie asks, what are your favorite fictional crime shows?

[885] Oh, fictional?

[886] I did like Cold Case.

[887] Cold Case, the one with the blonde girl?

[888] Yeah.

[889] With all the hair?

[890] Yeah.

[891] I don't watch that many of those.

[892] They're just not my thing.

[893] But, of course, law and order is just, like, fucking epic and amazing.

[894] So good.

[895] What's yours?

[896] I like, Killing Eve is out right now, and I like that a lot.

[897] Oh, yeah, I heard that's good.

[898] It's really.

[899] Sandra was such a fucking badass.

[900] Someone said, I think it's Emily Nussbaum who is a report.

[901] for, I think, the New York Times, but I follow her on Twitter.

[902] And she was like, she was raving about that show.

[903] She was like, I love it.

[904] It's making me so happy.

[905] Yeah, it's good.

[906] I mean, I definitely grew up and like, law and order kept me alive when you stopped to do the road because I would go and have these, I mean, horrific nights of just terrible eating it in like one -nighters and terrible bars and just bad shit where I was like, I was like, I, like, I was like, I. I didn't want to be there.

[907] They didn't want me there.

[908] Everything about it was like not fun, which I lost the point entirely of like, this is what you're supposed to be just having fun with people.

[909] Right.

[910] But it was awful.

[911] And then I would go back to my hotel room and just lock the door, turn the lights off, turn the TV on, get room service, and watch Law & Order.

[912] And it was like taking a hot bath.

[913] It was my hot bath.

[914] Yeah.

[915] And I began to, then it, I realized it was on all the time and everywhere.

[916] And I could have that hot bath feeling whenever I wanted.

[917] Yeah.

[918] And Sam Waterston is the OG Like something about that guy I Like I love the The subtle storyline That he's kind of always Fucking the female DA that works with him There's always some weird Like they're not overt But like one time they'll say one thing Yeah How he's having an affair with this person Except not Angie Harmon She was way too hot for Sam Waterston I love it That's good Do you think we've done it I think we did it?

[919] Was that long enough?

[920] It was about an hour.

[921] Well, sorry, that's about an hour.

[922] All right.

[923] It was long enough that Stephen's voice shut down.

[924] Stephen lost his voice.

[925] Should we ask Stephen a couple questions?

[926] Here, let me find one.

[927] Stephen, pen or pencil?

[928] Uh -oh.

[929] Let me ask you who that's from.

[930] Tell you, Brianna wants to know, do you prefer using pen or pencil?

[931] Uh, pen.

[932] Okay.

[933] And then.

[934] Good one.

[935] Brianna.

[936] Okay, wait.

[937] Just because I write weird and so I smudge.

[938] And so if you have pencil.

[939] Oh, what's the side of your hand?

[940] Yeah.

[941] what about Stephen what uh Stephen Stephen Kate wants to know what your death row uh meal your death sentence meal would be oh that's a good one let's all say ours okay uh because I feel like it's guilty pleasure right you don't need to go out on a high note I feel like it's your last anything you get to eat on this planet food like anything that makes you have I think I already said mine is cheese plate corn dogs devil deck sticking with your Cleveland meal sticking with it and champagne Kraft macaroni and cheese With hot dogs Pepper on top And ketchup Nice that sounds disgusting Yeah just that Just that just like a big bowl Almost like a mac and cheese Hot dog casserole Yeah like the whole box of craft Like not just half of it Yeah not a scoop You're not splitting It's not splitties And you put pepper like ground pepper on top of it Yeah over the So it's got a nice little That sounds disgusting and I want it immediately.

[942] And what kind of hot sauce?

[943] Oh, no, just straight up ketchup.

[944] Just straight up Heinz ketchup.

[945] Like mixed in it?

[946] With macaroni and cheese.

[947] Stephen, were you an abandoned in a children's cafeteria?

[948] When you were ate yourself?

[949] Do you want a high C with that?

[950] It just reminds me of like, it just reminds me of when my mom was like, I don't want to cook.

[951] I've been working nine to five and I have to pick you up from daycare and like, I'm just going to throw that craft in the thing.

[952] You heat it for like five minutes.

[953] feels like.

[954] It's delicious.

[955] Mix it with the cheese.

[956] And kids fucking love it.

[957] Like, they never go, I know how do we eat this.

[958] It's just like they eat it all.

[959] Hot dogs for protein -ish.

[960] Yeah.

[961] An extra sodium.

[962] Hot dogs for nitrates.

[963] Then if we're doing, if we're doing childhood loves, then I want to change mine to cornmeal pancakes for dinner.

[964] Oh.

[965] And who did that?

[966] Janet or Marty?

[967] Pancakes for dinner.

[968] We like didn't know we were poor.

[969] It's like the most exciting thing.

[970] Yeah, that's fun times.

[971] What's yours, Karen?

[972] Well, if we're going to do, childhood then it's overcooked chicken breast oh because my mother always was like oh oh pull that chicken out of the oven she which like always forgot it was in there so overcooked chicken breast minute rice and a frozen corn that's been defrosted that's good and then just like stephen's saying I think the seasoning is kind of key because that's when all the food my mom made was so bland that you'd be like no you know what I will try some pepper like I know I'm only 10 but let's get Good salt pepper, but Lowry's seasoning salt is actually great.

[973] Look at onion salt we could use.

[974] There's all kinds of things.

[975] What about Stofer's French bread pizzas then?

[976] Can we go there?

[977] My parents wouldn't buy shit like that.

[978] Well, I eat it as an adult, though.

[979] Oh, then yes, we can go there.

[980] I feel like Vince made us one of those one time after we were recording for a long time.

[981] No, that was like a tombstone something or other.

[982] It was good, though.

[983] It was fucking good.

[984] Like, coming downstairs, and I think this is the other thing because we, this got pulled out of the equation kind of early where my mom would be like well make it yourself she was the queen of make it yourself so anytime someone's like I whipped up this thing for you I like I just the concept of it makes me like oh this is the best thing ever so even when you're dating someone they're like let me make you dinner never fucking happened I can't remember one person that cooked that I knew are you serious I just gave Stephen a look of like Steven we need to help her I just in this Q &A show alone I realized that I I have a bad picker.

[985] I just can't pick them at all.

[986] All right.

[987] Well, Stephen and I are going to pick someone for you.

[988] It's just because I always date bodybuilders.

[989] Oh, stop it.

[990] You're complaining about people who don't want dessert and then you're dating a bodybuilder?

[991] I'm not.

[992] I'm totally joking.

[993] Oh, okay.

[994] Like, I'm trying to figure out why the fuck.

[995] Oh, I get it.

[996] What am I doing?

[997] Because even he would boil a fucking chicken breast for you.

[998] I mean, one would hope some rice peel off and a bunch of broccoli.

[999] Oh, rice pilaf and broccoli.

[1000] What about that rice pilaf that has the.

[1001] weird almonds in it where you're like are these almonds manmade dude i love that shit they're good i'm hungry should you get food yeah all right let's do it thanks for listening to this fucking weird Q &A we'll be back home in the u .s of a next week we'll be back on brand when our big tour is over that's right so thanks for listening stay sexy and don't get murdered a goodbye hey Elvis you want a cookie wow whoa he's like you guys have been making me hungry this whole fucking time