#352 - Tom Segura

[0] Hey, we forgot what you were.

[1] Yeah, I did.

[2] Yeah, this is the original spot.

[3] And in the original spot, now known as Desquod East.

[4] Desquod East has cats.

[5] And for some reason, Brian has decided that Desquod West is a primate based.

[6] It's all monkeys and scary things.

[7] Live ones too, right?

[8] Well, the studio itself definitely has a different feel.

[9] you know with the werewolf when you walk into the place that's that's this extraordinary that thing's awesome it is awesome it's the coolest thing I've ever bought my life powerful Pat McGee guy from Pat McGee's special effects he makes them you can order one any can order one before you got married your house would have at least seven of those in there yeah it would definitely have it's so different when you live with a chick man they start moving your shit around putting pictures of your kids on the wall and I used to have chimps up all over my house if you went over my house when I was a single man I'm not going to do I used to have pictures of Chimps everywhere.

[10] And sculptures too?

[11] Yeah.

[12] Weird sculptures.

[13] Weird shit.

[14] Like literally you'd walk around his whole entire house and there would be a monkey or a chimp every five steps.

[15] It would be a different picture.

[16] Really?

[17] One eating a tiger.

[18] No. There's no chimps eating tigers.

[19] But I got them like chasing after.

[20] For how long were you rocking that though?

[21] Oh man. I've been obsessed with chimpanzee since I was a baby.

[22] So even like a teenager style you were doing?

[23] Oh yeah.

[24] I've always been obsessed with apes.

[25] Obsessed with them.

[26] I find them fucking fascinating.

[27] My production company's name is Talking Monkey Incorporated.

[28] That was in like 1988.

[29] And that was a line I stole from a movie with, the fuck was that dude's name.

[30] I forget his name.

[31] God, Harmon, Mark Harmon, thing that was this?

[32] He had a funny movie, like a summertime movie.

[33] Mark Harmon, okay.

[34] It was like summer school or some shit like that.

[35] He was like the teacher summer school.

[36] Yeah.

[37] And he said to a guy, if you lose one more brain cell, you'd be a talking monkey.

[38] And I remember that all of a sudden put in my head the idea of a talking monkey.

[39] Like, how stupid would a person have to be?

[40] If we really did evolve, how far back would we have to go until we became a talking monkey?

[41] You know, what is that?

[42] And so that became, I mean, that was my initial obsession, but that's why I named my company Talking Monkey Incorporated.

[43] I can see how an obsession with monkeys.

[44] They're so fascinating, man If they didn't exist We would be tripping the fuck out If we if someone showed you If there was no chimpanzees And all of a sudden we found chimpanzee somewhere We'd be like holy shit Look at them They're looking at you They're thinking Oh my God, they're using tools Holy fuck look at this This is like a window back in time This is like the fucking sensory deprivation Tank and altered states We can see our past I mean you literally can see your past Yeah I mean somehow or another I don't understand evolution scientifically.

[45] Behaviorally, when I talk like this, people said, well, you really don't understand how evolution works.

[46] Okay, I appreciate that.

[47] But I think you can reasonably extrapolate that if people exist, and then there was some early people, there was like, you know, homo whatever, there was like a bunch of different homos.

[48] Yeah, lots of homos.

[49] Homo, Austropithecus, I think, Australiaepithecus.

[50] There was that one, too, or direct ancestors that they've been.

[51] believe it's like somehow or another we had to be like more primitive it wasn't like we just started out like like close to a human no there were some steps along the way you fuck okay and i think it's not unreasonable to look at chimpanzees and say even though that's not our step along the way it's from a different branch of the same tree the same primate tree i think you can reasonably extrapolate that there's something very similar to the way they are that we probably were you know at least we can put it together them and orangutans and bonobos we can mix them all together and try to figure out what the fuck we were like there's different models that have to come along before humans fuck yeah there has to be c class and there's an e class and then there's a s class you know you know what fuck fuck commercials for this podcast i don't feel like doing any commercials this is like a podcast that came out of nowhere we didn't even see this coming tommy buns we put it together last minute so no commercials suck it suck it please move on and let's just get going Brian Redband Working the mic Rocking the discs Turning the tables The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night All day Ladies and gentlemen Tommy Buns Now this podcast Maybe the first podcast That Sirius ever plays Where you get the full podcast Oh serious They don't have to edit it Because we don't have a commercial in it Oh that's great So what people don't know is that I'm financially irresponsible and I'm not that good at advertising shit.

[52] Right.

[53] And a lot of times when we do our podcast, the advertisements may take as long as 20 minutes.

[54] Because somewhere in the advertisements, you know, Brian Callum might bring up some crazy fucking book that he read.

[55] And all of a sudden we're on this wild journey or Duncan Truzzle blows your mind with a certain thought in the middle of a commercial talking about something.

[56] And now, you're off on a tangent.

[57] But a lot of that shit.

[58] never makes it to serious satellite radio i even think isn't the show in like an hour long too like they just edit it down to an hour probably i don't know but it's awesome that they put us on there yeah it's uh i'm happy to be on there because it's opi and anthony who are my friends and there's uh it's just it's a good group of humans you know they're good guys jim norton's a great guy i love being associated with those guys you know those those guys are i'm down for them everybody says my friends it seems like a good crew man they're great guys, man. Anthony is a beautiful human being.

[59] Opie is a fucking awesome guy.

[60] They're awesome.

[61] Jim Norton is like one of my favorite humans ever.

[62] Yeah.

[63] You know, so it's like all them together.

[64] We have some great conversations, you know.

[65] They're not dumb guys by any stretch of the imagination.

[66] Even though I disagree with some of them ideologically, like sometimes I disagree with Anthony.

[67] He's like real strong, like right wing, Republican.

[68] But he's also, I believe in a lot of things that he believes in.

[69] There's a lot of shit that I believe in, especially like the gun control.

[70] You know, I mean, he's a bit extreme, you know, he's a crazy gun, not, and he has guns all over the place, but I honestly believe that when you see the shooting victims and all these different things, this is not a gun issue.

[71] It's a mental health issue.

[72] It's the ability to do that that should be so alien from our society.

[73] And I liken it to a group of close friends, okay?

[74] And this is obviously an exaggeration.

[75] it's really hard to do when you're talking about a giant society of people that are never going to get to meet each other but in a group of close friends like us the people in this room okay let's pretend that we were all on a deserted island what are the odds that one of us would become a suicide bomber okay pretty fucking small yeah right pretty fucking small how does someone become a suicide bomber how does someone become a guy who would drop a bomb off at a marathon finishing line how does someone do that what what the fuck happens to that guy that lets you do that because the reality is that there's a lot of shit that you can kill people in this world including cars and everyone has cars and if you wanted to kill far more people than this guy did at the marathon you could run over people in your car the reason he did it this way is because he wanted to not be accountable for it he thought it could get away with it sure if this is the you know if you buy the official story out Alex Jones, have you bought the official story, ladies and gentlemen.

[76] But if you, you know, you look at this guy, like who they're claiming this guy is that was the older brother, they think you might have committed three murders as well.

[77] Three murders outside of this?

[78] Yeah, there was, and one night, three people were murdered, and one of them was a close friend and training partner of this guy.

[79] And the bodies, cash was left there, and the bodies were covered with marijuana.

[80] Wow.

[81] Yeah.

[82] And this guy was very religious, apparently, and he had become more and more religious in the past few years.

[83] Now, again, settle down tinfoil people.

[84] This is if you buy the official story.

[85] I don't know who the fuck this dude was.

[86] You know, I'm just reading what I'm getting out of, you know, essentially almost all news sources seem to be agreeing with these stories.

[87] That this guy was like super religious.

[88] Well, he went, he got kind of radicalized a couple of years ago.

[89] He went back to Russia for six months.

[90] I'd say that's when he came back and radicalized, you know.

[91] Again, that's the official story.

[92] Alex Jones will tell you this is a false flag event, Tommy.

[93] What they're doing it, they're trying to take away your guns.

[94] Well, supposedly he listened to Alex Jones.

[95] He was a fan of Infoors.

[96] Of course, that's so ridiculous.

[97] Well, maybe he was a fan of Infoors the way I'm a fan of Sean Hannity.

[98] Like, listen, just because it's fucking hilarity.

[99] It's funny to watch people twist the narrative like that.

[100] It's funny to watch people that are just like so blatantly right wing that they'll just never admit ever that anyone in the left has any idea.

[101] It's always any even compliment is said with a smirk that's soon to follow some disparaging remark about who they are.

[102] It's never like Obama's a brilliant man. Or even if it's an idea that they were behind.

[103] Yeah.

[104] There's still a spin on it.

[105] It's a it's a fucking game.

[106] They're in a team And they strategize to get that team to win And they do it within the rules But they know they're full of shit Like as they're doing it You can hear their voice They know they're full of shit But the game is so screwy It's one of those games It doesn't make any sense Like baseball Why the fuck do they dress like that Look how you're dressed Look at what those stupid fucking tights And what is that outfit What is that?

[107] You don't like those socks?

[108] They've always dressed like that God damn it They're stuck They're stuck with a stupid outfit back from when people didn't have newspapers.

[109] That's when they made that dumb -ass outfit.

[110] That outfit's retarded.

[111] It is a retardant.

[112] It's stupid as fuck.

[113] It puts me the tears to watch that game.

[114] Well, it's a fun game to play.

[115] I'm sure.

[116] But getting stuck in that old shit like that, that's the only reason why politicians are able to get away with the way they communicate today.

[117] I can't imagine being a person who is into politics, like really into it.

[118] and, like, you know, not be cynical and not be, like, it's so disheartening to follow politics.

[119] To me, it just, it absolutely, like, kills the soul.

[120] You know what, man, I recognize it as I've become an older man. I recognize it for what it is.

[121] It's an act.

[122] Right.

[123] You know, and, you know, why?

[124] I know, because I do an act, too.

[125] I know what an act is like.

[126] I know when I'm doing stand -up.

[127] When I have stand -up, I'm going to, you know, if I want to do my best, what I do is I ad -lib, quite a bit, but I also have some key components that I have broken down into pretty specific ways of saying it.

[128] Right.

[129] Because that's the best way that has the most response.

[130] But I'm trying to tell jokes.

[131] When you hear a person give a speech and they have that weird sort of artificial quality to the way they're talking, we should reject that.

[132] Yes, I completely agree with you.

[133] We shouldn't let them do that.

[134] Yeah.

[135] We should be like, just talk like a normal person.

[136] Yeah.

[137] What are you doing about the budget?

[138] yeah you know and how the budget yeah it's an important priority of this administration it's something we think about every day oh what the fuck are you yeah what do you if your guy was talking to you like that you'd be like stop stop asshole it's what you know who else does that that that exact speech too that that type of language comes from so corporate corporate world if you were like if you talk to a guy and you're like I had a bad experience at your offices he'd be like you know every time a customer comes into one of our establishments, we want them to have opportunity.

[139] We want them to have choices.

[140] And you'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[141] That's corporate, like, that's not how humans can't, like, stop.

[142] Exactly, but you can hear the training video.

[143] You get that sometimes when you go, now, when they go, do you want to sign up for the special extra warranty?

[144] You go, I don't know, they go, well, you know, when I had my computer a couple years ago, I knocked a bottle of Coke over, I love Coke and it left a thing And because of the warranty They took care of it You're like that's a training Speech they tell you to make a personal story up And you're like I know you're saying that to me right now It's so corny and fake That didn't happen to you Yeah you know that feeling when someone's lying to you That when you're looking at them And they're just straight bullshit in you And they won't even look in the eye Like looking down looking around And panicking as they bullshit you Sure There's the worst is if you know somebody that can do when you know they're lying and they're not panicking you're like oh you're a crazy person you're a fucking sociopath man that's a weird moment when you're talking to a guy and you're like I'm not sure what realm you're playing this game in I'm not wearing a hat right now you know what I mean I'm not wearing a hat and you're like okay see it on your head I don't I'm not wearing one man especially if they get stuck in a bad situation yeah they get stuck in some where they did something douchey mm -hmm you know yeah like wow crazy people there's those drange it's so weird to run into someone it's just doesn't see things it is man like you you see the world and they see a gigantic galactic conspiracy did I ever tell you about this comedian whoever may name us who came up to me and just starts showing me pictures on his iPhones he's like look at this and I'm looking at it's pictures of clouds yeah right I'm like I'm thinking it's beautiful clouds he goes look at that look at that and we just keep doing this.

[145] He shows me like 10 of these.

[146] And I go, he's an older guy, so I'm trying to be considerate.

[147] I'm like, yeah, yeah, wow.

[148] Pretty cool.

[149] And he goes, you know, I've been seeing them for years.

[150] I go, what are they?

[151] He goes, they're alien craft.

[152] He goes, these are UFOs.

[153] They are, they've been coming in various forms.

[154] I see them.

[155] I've been taking pictures of them.

[156] It's incredible that, you know, no one's paying attention to this.

[157] It's a very strange thing.

[158] And I'm like, am I in a sketch?

[159] I'm like, is he fucking with me?

[160] Because if, you know, he's kind of a silly guy.

[161] I'm like, if he's fucking with me, this would be kind of, and then I realized, oh, oh, wait a minute, I'm dealing with someone who's got a screw loose.

[162] Yeah.

[163] Like, there's a screw.

[164] It's not, it's not where it's supposed to be.

[165] He's not 100 % crazy.

[166] Like, he's very functional for the most part.

[167] He's, I enjoy talking to him.

[168] He's a nice guy.

[169] But when it gets to, he'll pull out his fucking iPhone, you got to run.

[170] You got to get out of there, because you're going to be looking at pictures of clouds, and he's going to tell you about spacecrafts that have been contacting him.

[171] Yeah.

[172] And it's, but other than that, he's normal.

[173] Do you like cheeseburgers?

[174] I'm cheeseburgers.

[175] Yeah, you want of your fries?

[176] Yeah, you pass me your salt, please?

[177] Sure.

[178] So what's going on, man?

[179] How's the road treating you?

[180] Like, you have a conversation with a guy.

[181] Then if you get into, I know a guy like that.

[182] And it's, you think he's like, uh, just being like, um, kind of, uh, a storyteller.

[183] He starts telling stories and you're like, there's a lot of exaggerations in these stories.

[184] And then you're like, um, you know, he kind of rambles on and on.

[185] And then he switches topics like real fast to like a whole new story.

[186] But it's about something like he's like, you know, I, like, you know, I, got shot six times and you're like what he's like yeah so i was over i was in the um in south carolina i was going past columbia and i got and it's a new story that starts and you're like yeah and then this guy held me and then we were up in the trees and then this guy pulled out a nine millimeter and he has like everything and you're like wait i thought we were talking about fishing or something like and then you know he goes back to like yeah you know when i went um i took a hot air balloon.

[187] I bought a hot air balloon company a number of years ago, and I took this money that I got from this investment in mines, and I bought this company that takes hot air balloons up in the air.

[188] It cost me like a quarter million to get the startup going.

[189] You're like, you make $10 an hour.

[190] What are you talking about right now, man?

[191] It's just story after story.

[192] Yeah, and I'm like, and then I start kind of like, I don't know what to believe, and then part of it's fun to believe.

[193] And I start to think for a second, I'll stop and be like, are you an improvisational, like genius?

[194] Are you like a brilliant an improv guy right now is that what's going on am i getting like played or something you're punked yeah and then but then there's something you see in the eyes where you're like oh i don't i i really think there's there's maybe i'm talking to somebody who has a form of mental illness yes and i'm not it's not it's not the type what makes you go like um i don't know like maybe more scare or maybe like sillier like it's not he has all the intelligence and you can talk about like what should we eat now and you have a kind of normal conversation about that and then it goes off into like 10 different storylines it's it's almost like it's not its fault yeah it's not it's not at that point yeah i don't i don't know how your brain works man you know i don't i i'm guessing i always guess when people act like why the fuck did you do that like i have to like stop myself sometimes and go i don't know how his brain works my brain would process the same scenario in a different way but maybe his brain would handle some shit, you know, that I can't handle very well.

[195] Yeah.

[196] I don't know.

[197] I don't know how you think.

[198] But I know when I see someone who's just not, we're not, there's, there's a missing connection there.

[199] Like, I feel like this guy's like, yeah, he's missing a whole piece.

[200] Right.

[201] Like, what's going on here?

[202] Sometimes you can see it from the moment, right?

[203] Like, there's some people who, like, the moment, you're like, but it's scarier when you have long, normal conversations.

[204] Yeah.

[205] Before that.

[206] And then you're like, what?

[207] Like, has this been there the whole time?

[208] yeah i've i've talked to people and then like 20 minutes into the conversation you realize they're crazy uh -huh yeah like some some people it takes a little while some people it's like right away doesn't the dangerous crazy dangerous crazy have like sparks to them like you're like you like you know i just want to like back away from them dangerous crazies they give off an odor you can't you can't be dangerous crazy unless you have this like a certain amount of danger to your odor you just feel weird you feel weird to be right every dangerous dude i've ever known has this like intangible odor about them you know you're just like okay i smell let's get the fuck out of here you know this those dudes smells like the cunt farm yeah it doesn't it's more yeah but not even that's not dangerous those are just silly people for this part it's just fucked up i feel like that with almost with uh super negative people like really like people that's not good for you to be around right you pick up on additional vibes yeah you know like just being around them.

[209] Yeah, you don't know what it is, right?

[210] It's not a smell.

[211] It's not like they give off heat.

[212] But if they leave, like, if you're just meeting them and they leave the room, and like, let's say you just brought somebody in, right when they leave, you're like, something's off with, yeah, you go something's off with that guy.

[213] Absolutely.

[214] It's usually their eyes for me, because I always look people in the eyes for like a second.

[215] You can see like the worriness or the friendliness.

[216] Sometimes, yeah, or sometimes they just smell crazy.

[217] I remember Brian Cowan had this chick once.

[218] and he brought her over and I mean, and I'm not bullshit within three seconds of meeting her I knew she was nuts Really?

[219] Yeah, like he brought her over and they introduced Hey, you know, this is Joe, Joe This is whatever her name was And I go, I go hi, nice to meet you She goes hi And I go, come here for a second I go, that girl's fucking crazy I go, what are you doing?

[220] He goes, what are you talking about?

[221] I go, dude, that girl is fucking crazy I go, trust me you got to get the fuck out of that fast you knew that fast i locked eyes with her and it wasn't a nervousness people get nervous if they see people that have been on television sometimes yeah yeah but that goes away pretty quick once you start talking like usually they're weirded out but you can see what the weirded out was right this was like like this was a like a like a crazy person just like i was like what are you doing callan like she wasn't bad looking she was very attractive young lady yeah but unfortunately there was something wrong with her mind And years later, Brian was going into a bar, and he ran into her, and she was a streetwalker.

[222] Wow.

[223] A couple years later?

[224] Yeah, it turned out she was cranked out on meth.

[225] And while he was, you know, while he was with her, she was like doing meth.

[226] Like, it took him a while to figure it out, like, exactly what the fuck was wrong with her.

[227] And he tried to fix her.

[228] Oh, really?

[229] He was doing that.

[230] And then he gave up on that.

[231] And then, you know, he runs into her, and he's going to.

[232] a barn she's a street walker he probably cut out the part where he slept with her again just one last oh my goodness you know he did just one last time i heard 20 bucks on me harassing these scabs when's your last checkup i don't want to use a condom come on baby not you not you're special to me you always use condoms beat don't don't lie to me every time every time yeah she's a hooker but she always deals condoms don't worry man It's a good girl, man. Yeah, he said it was really super depressing.

[233] But it was, I smelled her.

[234] I don't know what to describe it.

[235] I mean, it would suck if I was wrong.

[236] She was like the nicest person ever.

[237] But I wasn't wrong.

[238] She was exactly what I was warning him about.

[239] Danger has a smell.

[240] It's a something.

[241] It's a victorious.

[242] What the fuck, cuckusker.

[243] That Burke Kreisher and Joey Diaz, ladies and gentlemen, they are actually doing a podcast, a live podcast, which is the perfect spot for it right next door.

[244] at the ice house and they're doing that at uh 830 and is that going to be on you stream or anything like that or just on iTunes just on iTunes bitches you smell that you don't have to see it it smells crazy right now yeah it smells like bird did you uh what's that victoria secrets perfume that all the strippers wear that's what I think crazy sounds like happy yeah burst doesn't wear cologne is that what you're trying to say I saw a friend of mine's tweet the other day like oh gotta go shopping for cologne uh and I'm like uh no you don't no you don't ever Watch out for puppies on the floor.

[245] Powerful.

[246] Is that your stripper dog?

[247] Power for Bird Chrys.

[248] You're just like those porn stars who just mind about their dogs.

[249] Powerful Bird Chrysher.

[250] Powerful Joey T. George's St. Pierre podcast was fucking awesome.

[251] Yeah, it was cool.

[252] I wish he could stay longer than an hour.

[253] You know, I mean, that's a long time for most people.

[254] But he was super cool to talk to.

[255] Really nice guy.

[256] So what's the rap?

[257] Is my mic on?

[258] Does he really think he got abducted by aliens?

[259] Yeah, he really thinks he got abducted by aliens.

[260] Seriously?

[261] Yeah, he thinks that it's possible that ever since he was a little boy, like he's been missing time, he misses time sometimes, and he thinks it's possible if they take him.

[262] And he doesn't want to let that shit out.

[263] Because we won't start, because fucking Nick Diaz and get a hold of that fucking tear him.

[264] Well, you know one, man, he fights like a fucking alien.

[265] Yeah.

[266] Joe, did you read, like, what it could be?

[267] like there's somebody on your message board put like a Wikipedia page where it said it could be like five or six different things and you know one thing there's actually when we were talking about driving on the highway that's actually a condition like highway hypnotism where you just get hypnotized by the highway like the constant like motion that's and then it also said that you know some people said it's aliens but I think you should just do the GoPro thing yeah we're a GoPro you know just record yourself I tell you what I saw in my eyeball was not what was on this GoPro.

[268] I tell you, I saw UFO, man. I'm not fucking lying.

[269] UFO come down, man, and take me to another planet.

[270] Fucking lying to you.

[271] That's my best George St. Pierre.

[272] It was pretty good at first.

[273] Did you just roll with him when he says, are you like that's cool, man?

[274] Well, I don't know what the fuck's going on with him.

[275] That might be true.

[276] Imagine if it was true and I was mocking him.

[277] You got to deal with him and the He had a really good point, man. And it's a point I've heard before, but it's still a really good point.

[278] He's like, imagine if you were a fish and you are in the ocean, and you are living your life.

[279] And all of a sudden, a man come in with a hook and it pull you out of the water.

[280] And you come back to tell your friend, like, look, I saw a person.

[281] And there was a plane in the sky.

[282] They'd be like, get the fuck out of here.

[283] You're crazy.

[284] That was a really good point, too.

[285] It was a very good point.

[286] I was on the plane laughing hysterically.

[287] Yeah, it's a very good point.

[288] It's a very good point.

[289] Yeah, it is.

[290] Because, look, the fact that we exist at all is insane.

[291] People with cell phones, driving around their cars, talking to another dude.

[292] I do that all the time in my car.

[293] I was talking to my friend Tommy.

[294] He lives in Connecticut.

[295] We're talking while I'm driving around.

[296] Yeah.

[297] And in real time.

[298] Yeah.

[299] And just taking it for granted.

[300] Just completely taking it for granted.

[301] We're crazy.

[302] It's amazing.

[303] Pulling fish out of the ocean with giant nets and shit.

[304] shit just and throwing all our shit water in there.

[305] Get out of here.

[306] Just dumping all our pollutants.

[307] Apex predators.

[308] We don't give a fuck.

[309] We're gangster.

[310] If there's water near us, it's no good.

[311] Water in New York, there's no good water.

[312] You can't drink any of that.

[313] You can't grow fish in any of that.

[314] All that water's polluted.

[315] We're like, yeah, you know, it's the Hudson.

[316] That's the way it is.

[317] That's just the way it is.

[318] He's fucking animals just throwing glass and shit and piss and tampons and rubbers.

[319] Bodies.

[320] Bodies.

[321] Fucking.

[322] Fucking dead gold fish.

[323] People from New York come up to the Jersey side on Sundays.

[324] It's like a big day for them.

[325] Like, we're going to Jersey on fucking Sunday.

[326] And they go over there and they fish and they catch eel and they'll grill them.

[327] Oh, what the fuck?

[328] It's just an eel.

[329] We got meat on it.

[330] Trust me, I eat an eel from the fucking Hudson.

[331] That's why I ain't scared of nothing.

[332] Cancer.

[333] They can suck my dick.

[334] I eat the eel from the fucking Hudson.

[335] What are you kidding?

[336] I remember we were in Jersey one time and me and Joe were on a bus headed to the UFC event and I showed him this pond and I said look at cancer it was late cancer it was cancer like this pond had it moved that had no movement it had like a layer of this green algae which really wasn't green that's just cancer bro you know they you know New Jersey they've been dumping shit since the 70s yeah since the 60s bro that that's never going to be that's what's what's a what's that word a Recoverable Reconcilable no the other word when you can't reverse Irrecavable.

[337] You can never You can never reverse those things.

[338] That soil in New Jersey is gone.

[339] We all took a shot of that corner.

[340] That's that soil in New Jersey's gone.

[341] You know, I remember when they built the Meadowlands.

[342] I remember how many animals all of a sudden I had in my living room.

[343] Because they tore all that down, that wildlife.

[344] And next year, you know, I was seeing, I remember one night seeing a possum the size of a small pit bull.

[345] That jumped on a fucking tree.

[346] You jumped on a fucking tree.

[347] saw me. You ever see like a possum?

[348] You know, like in Jersey, they walk like a fucking ate those things.

[349] When you call the police in Jersey, I got a possum here, they shoot the fucking thing.

[350] They shoot the fucking thing.

[351] What does I tell you?

[352] They don't shoot snakes and they're not.

[353] They shoot the fucking possum because they play dead.

[354] And then when the cops leave, they fucking get up.

[355] And they brush them.

[356] You can run over a fucking car with them.

[357] I would run home over with bicycles and throw rocks out of them.

[358] They brush themselves off.

[359] What a weird behavioral trait.

[360] They play dead.

[361] They fucking played that.

[362] That's where playing possum is.

[363] Oh, I seen a fucking possum that looked at me one night at like four in the morning.

[364] I looked at him.

[365] I was like, what the fuck?

[366] And he jumped on a tree and went, it went, shh.

[367] Like, he held onto the tree like a fucking ape and apric.

[368] And I was like, this is fucking mind -boggling.

[369] I saw skunks that look like fucking like monsters.

[370] You know, Metal Land, what do you think those scum?

[371] Didn't they just, we had this discussion on your show?

[372] show a year and a half ago, but in the Bronx, they found the rat that was just amazing.

[373] Like, it broke all records, the length of it, like two and a half feet.

[374] Yeah, it was a type of, I think it's called a Zambian, Zambian something rap.

[375] It's not from America.

[376] It's a pet.

[377] Oh, how about, and they've let, so many people have let these things go.

[378] And like how Florida has the python problem, they have this rat problem.

[379] It's an invasive species.

[380] We let go one of those pythons in college.

[381] Did you really?

[382] Yeah, we're part of that.

[383] Oh, my God.

[384] In Florida, you went to school in Florida, too.

[385] Yeah, yeah, it's the scariest fucking day of my life.

[386] We're moving out of that apartment.

[387] And I'm, you know, how you move out and you're going to close everywhere.

[388] And I'm just digging my hands in.

[389] And my buddy comes in the room.

[390] He goes, oh, keep a lookout for my python.

[391] No way.

[392] And you're like, that's right.

[393] We lost it at the middle of the year.

[394] Like, and it just was in our house.

[395] And I'm back in a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, what do you mean we lost it?

[396] We, okay, we got broken into by these dudes.

[397] And we had dogs.

[398] Me and my buddy Hartley had dogs.

[399] My buddy cheese had a python.

[400] He put both his dogs.

[401] dogs cheese cheese cheese we used to fucking torture this dude fucking greased up his brakes and went mountain biking one time oh my fucking but we forgot about it we greased his brakes up and he didn't go and then two weeks later we go and we forgot we greased them cheese died he just you're like what the fuck so yeah these guys broke in our house and cheese put our dogs in our rooms and then and they broke in the house and they let the fucking snake out they like fucking broke in the house stole all her shit so you're not totally responsible for it somebody else let the snake out Yeah, I don't know.

[402] Did you ever, Diaz, did you ever see a banana rat?

[403] Wait a minute.

[404] How do you know they didn't just steal a snake?

[405] Because she was like, I don't know if it's been in there or not.

[406] The fucking lid was open.

[407] They looked for it.

[408] I don't know.

[409] It probably isn't the loss.

[410] What kind of assholes are allowed to buy snakes?

[411] Any asshole like this?

[412] Anyway, any responsible?

[413] Inquanas, Savannah monitors.

[414] I was into reptiles big time.

[415] You got a pit bull and a fight.

[416] I think that they should give.

[417] If you buy a pit bull, you need to take a GED.

[418] That's a periquisive for it.

[419] They're everywhere now.

[420] They're fucking everywhere.

[421] They should definitely make you answer questions.

[422] Yeah, they definitely go.

[423] I've had them, and they're dangerous animals.

[424] I'll go a step further and say, I don't think single women in the 30 should be allowed to adopt dogs.

[425] Why do you say that?

[426] Because they have fucked up their life.

[427] Now, let's stop it there.

[428] Let's cut it off there and not let them fuck up a dog too.

[429] Have you ever seen a, look, this is, I'm taking a stretch, and I know I'm saying some horrible.

[430] Single women in the 30s.

[431] Yes, like mid -30s, like 35 when they go, that's it.

[432] I don't, I'm comfortable with being single.

[433] Now I'm going to get a rescue dog.

[434] And then you go hiking, and that dog goes after your, kids because they don't are you sure that they're really comfortable with being single or the maybe it's it's probably hard to find a good dude man yeah but have you never had those women that get the big dogs and they're like it's a rescue dog this is my new project they want some love yeah and exactly and then they don't fucking discipline it and they just let it go fucking bananas there's definitely people like that and you got a psycho fucking dog and there's also dogs get really protective of their owners and if they sense that their owner might not be like you know very dominant Yeah.

[435] Maybe it doesn't have deep voice or something like that.

[436] The dog might be extra protective.

[437] Was your pit bull dangerous?

[438] Yeah.

[439] I had pit bull encounters or one dog killed one of my other dogs.

[440] What?

[441] I came home in the middle of my living room.

[442] One of my females that killed my other female.

[443] Oh, my God.

[444] Yeah, you can't have two female dogs together.

[445] Female dogs apparently will always fight over dominance.

[446] What?

[447] Whereas a male and a female, they accept, like, who.

[448] who's the boss.

[449] Usually the male just lets the female, like, thap, geez, leave me alone.

[450] And, like, the female snap or jaws, and the male, like, sort of gives up.

[451] But the females never give up.

[452] They never give up the position.

[453] They'll fight to the death.

[454] They fight, and then they give up, and they figure out, like, who wins and who loses.

[455] But then the one who lost wants to go about it again.

[456] And they did it a couple of times, and I thought I had gotten them over it.

[457] I separated them, and I did all sorts of different things.

[458] and then I started letting them be together again because I thought they had gotten over it because I felt like maybe it was just some animosity, like it was too fresh on each other's mind if they had gotten into a fight.

[459] But it's so normal for that breed to get into fights.

[460] You know, they're beautiful dogs with humans.

[461] They're beautiful dogs with humans.

[462] But with animals, rather, they have just this incredible kill drive.

[463] It's like nothing I've ever seen.

[464] My dog killed two cats.

[465] He killed squirrels.

[466] He killed anything dumb enough to get in his yard and he would kill lizards all day like we had these lizards that would run around and he that was his video game he would just run around with his paws on the wall trying to get these lizards just running around the perimeter of my house trying to get lizards and in hindsight i look back and i'm like what a crazy animal to have you've got a monster you've got a monster it loves to attack things he but he was a very particular type of dog he was a um a hog dog the urgent the argentinian no no no he was a pit bull yeah like the ones in Hawaii.

[467] Well, he was from Hawaii.

[468] Yeah.

[469] It was from Hawaii.

[470] And they breed him to be super animal aggressive because they're breeding him for hog hunting.

[471] And so they have longer ears and the ears like pick up more of a scent and they're larger dogs.

[472] He was crazy.

[473] He was a beautiful dog though.

[474] He was awesome with people.

[475] With people he's the greatest thing ever.

[476] He was awesome.

[477] He was just an amazing buddy.

[478] He was like super smart.

[479] He always wanted to hang with you.

[480] You always be down to wrestle.

[481] Like I never felt in danger.

[482] I used to do jiu -jitsu with him.

[483] I'd take his back.

[484] You know, I'd go time to put the choker and he'd be like grr he would kiss me and I love you too like I would be like choking him and he would kiss me he was a sweet sweet sweet dog with people but with animals so another dog came by he was not to be trusted no he was not to be trusted it was the craziest thing it didn't didn't have anything to do with socializing I socialized him with other dogs like right away he started fighting with other dogs one time he was a baby they got people yelled at me at a dog park when he was a baby he was like four months old he was trying to bite other dogs he was just gangster like from the womb there's not and i was a fool to try to control this animal as a pet you know like my dog now the big one johnny he's the sweetest dog ever he's a sweetie yeah like my other dog that's a much smaller dog the shibuino bulldog mix that dog tells him what's up and johnny goes all right all right he's just like relax he just lets it all go by you know so you think it's they're born with it though it's just like people how they're bread yeah it's how they're bread yeah they encourage a certain type of animal aggression, aggression towards animals.

[485] They encourage it.

[486] They encourage fighting.

[487] And it's been that way for thousands of years.

[488] And it's the cruel aspect of the dog fighting, though, is what makes amazing dogs.

[489] Because the ones that survived through that horrible ordeal, the genetics that were passed on, because the dogs that quit and the dogs that cowed and backed away from a fight were killed.

[490] Right.

[491] They were all killed.

[492] That sounds horrible to us because we love our dogs.

[493] Sure.

[494] But they weren't looking at dogs like that.

[495] They were looking at dogs as a way to make money.

[496] And the way to make money, I mean, you're talking about, like, this probably went on from maybe the turn of the century on.

[497] I mean, it's probably something that's been going on even before that, if you could really get into the history of it.

[498] But they bred dogs specifically for fighting.

[499] They bred them specifically for that.

[500] They had them on chains.

[501] There's a dude that I know that was a famous pool player.

[502] He used to keep 35 pit bulls.

[503] He was this pro pool player.

[504] 35 pit bulls at his house They weren't his pets They were fighting dogs Crazy man There's yeah Craziness man I think Big Boy from Outcast Used to do that Dude Well that's a big part of the culture For a lot of those guys He bred those dogs And he bred the The bully ones That are stocky He bred those Oh you never went to his website And looked at it And they're expensive Yeah You know Big Boy's website well Yeah Well I think his purple ribbon pits In the world of fighting dogs This is where it gets really Squirley Because it's not like I'm trying to glorify this world and give it morals or anything like that.

[505] But the reality is in the fighting dog world, you're not supposed to sell the puppies.

[506] They're called puppy peddlers, and they're looked down upon.

[507] You're only supposed to let your dog breed with really respectable breed, so you're going to make some crazy killer dog, and men will loan out their dog, and you see, like, the lineage written down, like, you know, rough riders, Bronco, and, you know, soddle stables, Sheila E, you know, and that's the dog's precedence.

[508] They all know the championship bloodlines.

[509] It's totally illegal to have dog fighting, but the shit has been documented, like, very thoroughly.

[510] It's the same thing with chicken fighting.

[511] Like, they have champion chickens.

[512] Like, I know a dude who raises chickens, and he fights them.

[513] You know, and this old Mexican dude, he's cool as fuck, you know.

[514] But that's his culture, man. He grew up fighting chickens.

[515] Yeah.

[516] And this guy knows, like, championship bloodlines, and they breed the right chickens with the right hens.

[517] like it's been a part of human history forever but it's it's like in the shadows in the darkness of our of our world and we don't want to admit that in 2000 whatever it was nine or whenever when when when he got busted I mean what year was that 2009 maybe probably 08 over 9 I think maybe or yeah I want to say it was seven he spent some time in jail yeah we never want to think that a guy who's capable of such great heights as being like this massively successful football player could also be capable of such an insane cruelty.

[518] It's so insane.

[519] I got to tell you, I love dogs.

[520] I mean, you know, you guys all did me a huge solid doing the fundraiser for the dog last week, and I love dogs.

[521] But I still, I also have a problem with people who don't let somebody like him, like, serve his time and then get another shot at, like, earning a living again.

[522] Because a lot of people were, like, rightfully were critical of what he did.

[523] right but you know he lost his name he lost hundreds of millions of dollars probably right absolutely his contract was like about the biggest at the time he had crazy endorsements he went to prison which is what the punishment was he did it he went to prison yeah he did his time and then a lot of people were really upset that he even has a chance to make a living right but it's like he we yeah he paid the well the price how undeniable is his fucking talent the NFL's like you know what Come on back.

[524] Come on back.

[525] You know why?

[526] Because if they don't do it, someone else is going to do it.

[527] Someone's going to grab that guy.

[528] You know?

[529] It really wouldn't be any other way to play football.

[530] I mean, that's kind of a, I mean, there's the NFL and there's basically that's it.

[531] That's it.

[532] The, the, the, the, the, the, the league is not really a league for, in football.

[533] You know, the idea.

[534] There's arena.

[535] Yeah.

[536] And I played, I played that for a day.

[537] Oh, my God.

[538] Those dudes.

[539] I don't know if they drug tests.

[540] I mean, it's just fucking brutal.

[541] It's brutal.

[542] It's like being in the yard.

[543] Canadian football has some good athletes for sure, good players.

[544] But NFL is definitely the top of the line.

[545] And he was a bad motherfucker.

[546] Didn't Doug Flutie go to Canada first and play up there for a while before he came down to America?

[547] He was the hero.

[548] When I was in high school, Doug Flutie was like, I think I was in high school and he was in college.

[549] Yeah, he was like the Boston.

[550] Yeah, he was the hero.

[551] It's right.

[552] And then there was the USFL for a lot.

[553] He was very famous in Boston.

[554] He was, right?

[555] Yeah, Flutie was super famous.

[556] Have you seen the 30 for 30 who killed the USFL?

[557] Yes.

[558] Fucking great.

[559] Donald Trump ruined that shit.

[560] He just ruined it.

[561] He did.

[562] All those are amazing.

[563] That's the best programming, ESPN, or basically any cable.

[564] 30 for 30.

[565] The 30 for 30 documents.

[566] What are they?

[567] What are they?

[568] There's stories that'll fucking kill you.

[569] It started, the concept came up last year was the 30th anniversary.

[570] Billy Corbyn did the first one.

[571] That was about the you, right?

[572] Billy Corby.

[573] That's a bad -ass one podcast.

[574] That's a bad last one.

[575] Yeah, yeah, from Billy Corbin.

[576] He's the guy who did...

[577] Cocaine Cowboys.

[578] He also did Broke.

[579] Yeah.

[580] Yeah, Broke.

[581] He did fucking broke, which is amazing.

[582] It's an cool fucking guy, too.

[583] Let me tell you.

[584] He came down to the Fort Lauderdale Improv and hung out.

[585] Cooking Cowboys is fucking amazing.

[586] The U of Mondeau.

[587] The U. The U when he shows all the fucking Michael Irvin and those guys in front of clubs, and he goes, the Miami Dolphins used to ask the college guys to get him into the clubs.

[588] Yeah.

[589] That's how insane it was.

[590] If you watch the trailer to the U. If you watch you'll go like What the fuck I went to Florida State We hated them And I fucking saw it It was like It was a bunch of black gangses Or the white coats That told them Go out and be black gangsters Motherfuckers Whoa Whoa When does a white guy go The black of the better The black of the better I want you to bring it back I want high fives I want fucking chains out there I want everything I want you to tap Fuck not celebrating I want everything I want you to fucking humiliate These motherfuckers.

[591] And then the guy from two -life crew came on with his hose.

[592] He had a fucking VIP bag.

[593] And they would come out to slip him at home.

[594] Hit my dick I'm hard.

[595] And those bitches knew what time it was.

[596] And that's all.

[597] Listen, there's two things that drive black people to different levels.

[598] That's when they hear two -life crew and when they go to Red Lobster.

[599] Black people lose their minds at Red Lobster.

[600] Fuck Popeye's on Tuesday.

[601] You go to Sacramento Red Lobster on Friday at about 4 .30 when they blow the whistle.

[602] Beep, be, beat, be, blow the whistle.

[603] Them sisters, they weigh 300 with the heels.

[604] What are you showing over there?

[605] That's the trailer.

[606] For what?

[607] Oh, that's the documentary?

[608] I don't know if that's the, that's not the one with the U. Warren Sap, Warren Sap.

[609] He did Bertha Conquer with me. Well, I got to remember this.

[610] We'll write this down.

[611] Yeah, that motherfucker was giving out blood test.

[612] He was coming out positive and was giving somebody else.

[613] This guy, they were smoking dope all the NFL, Warren's South.

[614] Isn't it interesting that when you have, like, football players and basketball players, they make rules on how they're allowed to celebrate.

[615] Yeah.

[616] Especially like the football thing.

[617] That's like you're not allowed to dance.

[618] A hundred percent because of black people.

[619] It's 100 % because of black people.

[620] And they're like, dude, you blacked it up plenty.

[621] So let's dial it back.

[622] It really is.

[623] This is a white man probably in Georgia, probably quite old, with a cigar, with a white suit.

[624] It's not a coincidence.

[625] I love when people in the U .C. go, well, the greatest trash talk is chale, son.

[626] Listen, stupid.

[627] There was a guy named Dexter the molester, remember?

[628] Dexter Manly?

[629] No, no, no, no. The defensive back.

[630] The defensive back that used to fucking grew clazy glue all over himself.

[631] Oh, oh, oh.

[632] I don't hear, talking about it.

[633] You know who he is?

[634] You know who he is?

[635] What?

[636] The guy who used to stick him for the readers.

[637] And he had a stutter.

[638] He had a stutter.

[639] What?

[640] Yeah, yeah.

[641] He would run up with balls on his shoulder.

[642] He was afraid of Lester and molester and molester, we're getting your ass, dog, and just be up on you.

[643] What?

[644] Your mother is.

[645] shit.

[646] Bring it to popper.

[647] He's just D -Up on you.

[648] There's a rule.

[649] I got to touch you five feet from the line of scrimmage.

[650] He was banging you right from the line.

[651] He comes right up on your spitting.

[652] What now?

[653] What?

[654] What?

[655] What?

[656] What was that guy's name, Tom?

[657] Lester Hayes.

[658] Lester and molester.

[659] Leicester the molester.

[660] Defensive backs.

[661] Listen, Ronnie Lott.

[662] Tell him with Joe Rogan about Ronnie Lott.

[663] They told him he couldn't play in the game.

[664] So they cut his finger off during the game.

[665] Who the fuck gets his finger caught off during the game?

[666] he had he had caught his finger on a helmet he was like a cannonball a cannonball run and just like total disregard for body right and like this is before good helmets and like he would just annihilate people right he was the assassin and he got his helmet caught in a finger his finger caught in a helmet pinky and they went uh to the to the locker room and they're like all right well you know we're going to need these you're going to put like five stitches or whatever 20 stitches in your finger he was like no I want to go back out there and they were like well you'll we'd have to cut off your finger for you to go back out there he was like do it do it so just fucking cut the cut the half time wait a minute wait a half time they could have fixed it they could have fixed it but he wouldn't be able to play that day so he said cut the fuck it was already like half it was like the playoffs and shit how much of the finger the just like so there's no you don't see the nail like maybe that was an annoying part of his whole masturbation ritual and he was secretly hoping to chew it away I'll see you in 15.

[667] Powerful Joe here.

[668] So right next door, you'll be able to get that on the church of what's happening now, right?

[669] Joey?

[670] On iTunes, they'll be able to get yours with Bert, Church of what's happening now?

[671] Yeah.

[672] It's on iTunes.

[673] I was drunk.

[674] I'm one of the greatest storytellers.

[675] The world has ever known.

[676] What?

[677] He called me when I was in New York and I was drunk.

[678] I don't know what we're doing.

[679] I didn't know if we were doing a stand -up show or a podcast.

[680] Oh, you're doing a live podcast.

[681] But then you're going to do our stand -up show.

[682] Yeah, yeah.

[683] Then I'm doing that, yeah.

[684] But why do you say, oh, fuck?

[685] I don't like that podcast.

[686] Well, it's an interesting one, because it's a small room.

[687] It's only like 50 people.

[688] I'm just going to sit there and giggle my fucking ass off of Joey.

[689] You know what he said today?

[690] We're driving in the car.

[691] And he goes, and we're talking about health.

[692] And he goes, I'm a dog.

[693] I went to the doctor today.

[694] I dropped my pants.

[695] And the doctor looked up in him.

[696] He goes, hey, you know, you've got toilet paper on you, dick.

[697] He said that.

[698] And Joey just passed through it.

[699] And I was laughing so fucking hard.

[700] I could listen to the rest of the story.

[701] I said, Joey, why was there toilet paper on that into your dick?

[702] He goes, I had to wipe the helmet before I went in there.

[703] I had to dab the helmet.

[704] I didn't notice a little piece of toilet paper hanging off the end of the day.

[705] My dick sneezed a little.

[706] You know the answer.

[707] As Joey D .S. Hey, Joey, what's your first pee of the day smell like?

[708] Like listerine and gunpowder.

[709] Like it got shot out of an alien's asshole.

[710] It looks like, you know, your piss looks when.

[711] When you take too many vitamins?

[712] I don't get an answer to that.

[713] Oh, my God.

[714] He, um, he, was it on your podcast that I was on that he said, you know, Black people eat to talk.

[715] Oh, yes!

[716] Wait, white, white people sleep to talk.

[717] No, eat to talk.

[718] No, who's resting?

[719] Only reason why people rest is so they can talk.

[720] Oh, rest to talk.

[721] Rest to talk.

[722] He goes, he gave my dad, he gave my dad, he gave my dad, edibles.

[723] Why did you let him do that to your dad?

[724] You were there.

[725] No, it wasn't there.

[726] Oh my God, it just happened so quickly.

[727] Did your dad ask for them?

[728] No, he, Joey's a grown -ass man, if he wanted one.

[729] He cracked him open, and he goes, here you go, Mr. Kay, and just dump some of my dad's hand.

[730] My dad goes, what is it?

[731] And he goes, candy, it's a popcorn.

[732] You like it.

[733] My dad, wolf sit down.

[734] My dad, there's marijuana in there.

[735] And he goes, no, buddy, it's good.

[736] And I go, I go, dad.

[737] And then Joey's laughing fucking hysterically.

[738] I'm like, I'm like, what are we going to do about this?

[739] My sister's lost their fucking mind.

[740] Everyone's like, oh, my God.

[741] And so, yeah, but he was, my dad was fine.

[742] You can't do that.

[743] The photos are amazing.

[744] The photo is amazing.

[745] You can't do that, right?

[746] I don't agree with doing that at all.

[747] I did it to my own dad, remember?

[748] Yeah, but that's your dad.

[749] That's your dad.

[750] Now, my dad would never say that he took it knowingly.

[751] In my way, in my head, I'm like, there's no way Joey slipped it to him.

[752] Yeah, yeah.

[753] Like, he must have said something.

[754] Maybe he just, your dad didn't know what the fuck Joey said.

[755] And he's like, yeah, sure.

[756] Sure, buddy.

[757] Probably his brain blacked out.

[758] You want to get high with me, Mr. Come on.

[759] My dad's okay, Mr. Kay.

[760] And my back dad is such a question.

[761] Come on, cock sucker.

[762] What are we doing?

[763] We're playing games.

[764] Are we going deep?

[765] I'm going deep.

[766] You're going deep with me?

[767] And the dad's like, I'll go deep with you.

[768] That's exactly what happens.

[769] He's full of pot cookies and he's wolfing down.

[770] He heard two of seven words and one was like cookie.

[771] And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm a cookie.

[772] How many times is when someone's talking?

[773] you are you not even paying attention because you're thinking about something else and you're like giving them like a small percentage and you're trying to figure something out you're oh yeah yeah yeah what or like taxi drivers you know you just hear the main words many many times my dad is the king of that and I know I know when he's uh playing chess it's like I'll be like what's that man he's like yeah I was uh doing shows yeah man he's like and he's in front of the computer yeah can I can I can tell he's like hold on a second hold a second I'm like all right he's like so what's going on i could be like i robbed a bank today he's like wow wow that's neat buddy i'm like you know what the fuck i'm saying right now i go what is it fucking rook tonight something and he's like yeah i play chess i know man like just on the phone this is on the phone yeah oh that's hilarious call me back that's so fucking whack we should do it dad you know travel channel green they said they would pay for us if we want to do an adventure if they can air it they're like if you guys want to do anything thing we'll fucking we'll pay for it what do you mean i was sitting there we were talking we just had having dinner and they were um they were asking questions they're just kind of getting hip to like the podcast scene and they're asking questions about they're like what is death squad and i was kind of don't tell them it's really ridiculous to try to explain you got to go yeah i was like if you don't know you don't know if you don't know you don't know and then they were like they're like so these are all your like buddies and they're like yeah like do you ever want to do anything with them like and i jokingly said i said yeah we kind of i just said that i just said that this because Duncan had said it one time ago we kind of want to take dug out canoes into the rainforest and see if we can find ayahuasca with our dads no just us just us and so then so we were talking about dads I don't know no no no I don't know why I don't know why you know what how'd you get there I have no fucking idea how my brain works you know what I was thinking unrelated journey I was thinking I was thinking we should do a show where we all take our dads and go do shit yeah yeah and then in my head I was like oh I have a better idea you know what's fucked up he was actually talking about people that do that very thing earlier on the podcast but in a very negative light in a very negative light in a very in a very negative way.

[774] It was about liars.

[775] It was about how liars...

[776] Not meaning that at all.

[777] What he was talking about was about how...

[778] You know how some guys were going out.

[779] So what do you guys want to go see the movies?

[780] I wouldn't believe this, man. But I'm about to start a billion dollar a year business.

[781] Yeah.

[782] Kind of crazy.

[783] But we're taking this from the ground floor.

[784] And Tommy was like, but you make $10 now.

[785] What the fuck you even?

[786] What are you talking about, man?

[787] Well, you know, once we get the startup money, which is basically guaranteed.

[788] Teed.

[789] Yeah, I got a couple of investors.

[790] I got a I got an Italian investor and I got that one in Czech Republic.

[791] And you're like, we were talking about what movie to go to see.

[792] Well, how the fuck did we get here?

[793] Yeah.

[794] That's what you kind of did.

[795] I just did that.

[796] I did that.

[797] I did that actually almost exactly like that too.

[798] I was trying to think, I was like, my dad doesn't want to be on TV.

[799] I was like, I don't know where he's going with this.

[800] My brain is not.

[801] But it's exactly a normal guy.

[802] It's funny.

[803] My dad will be on TV at all.

[804] My dad will be on TV.

[805] Your dad would enjoy it.

[806] All right.

[807] My dad is hilarious.

[808] Your dad is a fascinating guy.

[809] I mean, my dad's a very nice guy, and he's, you know, he would be very polite and friendly with everybody, but I don't think he has wanted to do this.

[810] Let's do a dad show, then.

[811] Let's take it back.

[812] No, my dad, no, there's no way.

[813] He would never do it.

[814] No. He has zero desire I'd be famous.

[815] Can we cast a dad for you?

[816] Yeah, he can give me, like, a black guy.

[817] I want a black guy.

[818] This is your dad.

[819] Yeah.

[820] A black guy was only a couple years older than me. Like four years old?

[821] Bernard Hopkins Like Bernard Hopkins Plays my dad And no one even mentions it The whole time You know And Bernard Hopkins Refuses to admit It's him Playing it on the show And afterwards In every interview I don't know what the fuck You're talking about That's not me But it is him Yeah We take Bernard Hopkins We go fishing with him I call dad But you have to listen to him At some points To listen to him It tells me Whatever You know I'm listening He's my dad It's like And he has to bring back childhood memories.

[822] It's like when Joe was a kid and he first learned how to ride a bike.

[823] That's what I wanted to do.

[824] Like Joe, I remember when I took Joe to the holiday and you remember that Joe?

[825] Can you start making some shit up about me?

[826] This motherfucker is lying in his bed playing with chimpanzee dolls.

[827] Bernard Hopkins owns the right to the title I am the machine.

[828] What?

[829] I know.

[830] I know.

[831] That's, uh, maybe that might be, I'll be right.

[832] I don't know.

[833] All right, I'm going to go to Joe's, get out of here.

[834] I'll be back.

[835] I'll be back.

[836] You've tarnished.

[837] your reputation indulably that's not a word later brother we'll see in a bit god burke crash will be joining us tonight the sold out ice house comedy club show along with this man that I'm talking to right now tom sagura that was so exactly what we and I wasn't thinking of him at all but it was fucking perfect it was perfect sort of you know but it wasn't no he wasn't he's not a crazy person no but he does he does make me think what we were talking about which is like a lot of times I go So, how does fucking Bert's brain work?

[838] Yeah.

[839] I think that all the time.

[840] Oh, yeah.

[841] How did he get there?

[842] Yeah.

[843] You know, which, I mean, you do when you're sitting around.

[844] He's not even high, though.

[845] He didn't even get high.

[846] No. So he's got no goddamn excuse.

[847] He just showed up, and I just didn't know where he was going with the dad thing.

[848] I was like, hmm, dad's on vacation, a day, adventure?

[849] Yeah, ayahuasca.

[850] But somehow those things do connect in his brain.

[851] You know what I'm saying?

[852] Like, we go.

[853] I don't think so.

[854] I don't think he's just waiting for an opportunity to talk about doing another thing together.

[855] Yeah.

[856] I think it was more of that.

[857] I do want to go canoeing, like, fucking, really bad.

[858] Do you guys ever used to go canoeing?

[859] Yeah, meanwhile, middle of the night, fucking forest is on fire because Brian left behind a lit cigarette.

[860] Yeah, I don't want to go canoeing with you.

[861] Die up there in a river.

[862] Wait, what happened?

[863] You, like, spiked your dad?

[864] Like, you didn't finish that early.

[865] When did you do that to your dad?

[866] Well, you told them you were doing it, though, right?

[867] Oh.

[868] Didn't you?

[869] Whoops.

[870] He listened to the podcast now.

[871] I mean, sure you did.

[872] Well, you brought it up.

[873] No, I just remembered.

[874] No. Get on me. Joe gave me like this big bottle of pop soda, you know, that was made out of marijuana.

[875] And I had it in my fridge for a while.

[876] And then me and my fiance at the time, we were all recording ourselves like, because my dad was in town for the night.

[877] And I think I put the camera down.

[878] And then he is like, oh, I'm going to have some of this wine or champagne or whatever.

[879] And I'm like, that's not champagne.

[880] That's, okay, yeah, you can drink that.

[881] And then I just like let him drink it.

[882] And then like, in like within like a half hour.

[883] or so he just became so giggly and just laughing and it was really actually one of the coolest things ever because like did he freak out at all no not at all he was just like almost like a happy drunk buzz where he was just kind of giggling and laughing did you ever tell him what happened no never he probably knows now but you should tell him because he would enjoy it yeah you know I mean maybe it'd be one of those things that he discovers late in life like wow this makes life so much more enjoyable but you'd have to get it to him in that form though right that's the coolest forms that the The edible form is the best form, I think.

[884] I like it the most.

[885] Oh, shit.

[886] As long as it's mild, as long as it's not, like, super strong.

[887] The effects are, like, really pleasant.

[888] Super strong can break you.

[889] Super strong is not good.

[890] That's a terrible feeling.

[891] It's like, oh, I'm just trying to relax and get through this day.

[892] I don't need to be contemplating the fate of the fucking galaxy.

[893] Do you liken super strong to psychedelic?

[894] Is that what happened?

[895] Yes, it is?

[896] Very much so.

[897] In fact, in a lot of the ancient Hindu writings, A lot of what they talked about, really extreme psychedelic experiences that they talked about it were all from eating hash.

[898] Really?

[899] Yeah.

[900] Eating cannabis can, if you eat enough of it, you can have an experience that is every bit as strong as mushrooms.

[901] Really?

[902] Yeah, you just have to eat a lot of it.

[903] I've had, I've been moved to tears a few times.

[904] I've had experiences in the tank, eating, eating pot that are like a fucking, like a ride.

[905] a movie like like a experience that you wouldn't believe if you didn't if you didn't see it with your own synapses if you weren't going through it it seems impossible yeah it's all just eating pot eating pot and getting into a tank the tank filled with water and the but you have to eat that that you got to get that you got to get that you got to get to that feeling where you're like I fucked up I fucked up and that's when you can close your eyes and see nutty shit like How much are you talking about?

[906] Well, you see it in the dark.

[907] See, that's when you see it.

[908] Like, you don't see it if you open your eyes.

[909] If you open your eyes, you're not going to hallucinate.

[910] It's not like it's going to misinterpret visual cues and real information.

[911] But what it will do is supercharge your imagination to the point where it can't deal with a blank slate.

[912] Yeah.

[913] So when you eat the pot, you either close your eyes.

[914] I've had this happen on planes before, where I ate a cookie before I got to the airport.

[915] And then while I'm on the plane, you're tripping your balls off.

[916] when you close your eyes in the darkness of your closed eye that's when your imagination starts firing and you start seeing wild crazy neon colors like fucking you know like you start seeing like computer cartoon fractal shows it becomes very very bizarre and that's just closing your eyes on a plane inside the tank it can really like it almost like opens up another realm of experience it gets very strange because in the absence of light this all this stuff flying through your brain sort of manifest itself as visual information you don't just get the feeling like oh life slipping away you get that feeling when your eyes are open but everything looks normal you know everything looks a little faker and everything looks kind of two dimensional a little closer that it should be but it still looks normal but when you close your eyes then you get the fucking color show you get just madness and craziness in front of you.

[917] Yeah, I've had an absolute freaked out, oh my God, blowing my mind experiences, eating it.

[918] Yeah, you just have to eat it.

[919] How much, what's the most you've, like, consumed?

[920] Well, this is what I was going to say.

[921] There was a friend who made pills.

[922] He made THC pills, and I forget how he did it.

[923] I forget what his process was of extracting the THC and putting into pill form.

[924] But he told us, like, very specifically, only take one.

[925] he said do not take more than one I only took one I listened Eddie Bravo took two because Eddie Bravo was one of those silly bitches like I can't even get too high it's impossible if I'm too high and it was unbelievably strong just one I was like where is this dude traveling every day this dude is going to crazy town every day and that's something that a lot of people are overlooking about this whole medical marijuana movement everyone's focusing on smoking pot we don't want people smoking pot well the eating pot is five times stronger five times more psychoactive when you eat it and you're getting guys just loading up these cookies loading up these candies and you can eat three or four of them before you even know what the fuck's going on and then an hour and 20 minutes later you're on your deathbed yeah i mean you're freaking the fuck out like yoshi yeah like yoshi with the banana bread Joey Diaz actually had a funny story from a long time ago when Listering strips first came out for a pot Listering strips and they used to have like the little containers just like them and he had a whole one and his friend's like can I have one and he takes it out and they had all melted together and there were like nine strips that had melted together and Joey Diaz was just like I guess that's it you know and then I gave it to him and I guess the guy called like the ambulance of like it was just like 10 times the amount of those oh my God Those are super strong.

[926] I used to take one half of those breast trips.

[927] It's really hard to find them now.

[928] Yeah.

[929] They don't have them anymore.

[930] But I used to take one half of one, and that's all it took.

[931] One half of one.

[932] You gave me that one time.

[933] Oh, my God.

[934] Jesus.

[935] That was when we were headed to the East Coast.

[936] Yeah.

[937] And we were on a red eye.

[938] Yeah.

[939] And I remember, we both landed, and you were like, that is the highest I've ever been in my life.

[940] I go, right there on that plane.

[941] You go, right there on that plane.

[942] Yeah.

[943] I go, what was that like?

[944] You go, that was an adventure.

[945] Yeah, it was.

[946] And I also remember that I was by no means not high anymore when I said that.

[947] And I felt like, like, 11 hours later, I was like, still kind of feeling it right now.

[948] Like, yeah, dude, that shit kicked my ass.

[949] It was unbelievable.

[950] And that was only a half.

[951] I can't imagine taking more than that.

[952] I actually started after that.

[953] I realized that, like, for me to not have that feeling, a quarter.

[954] of a strip was was better you know what i mean like i could function on a quarter yeah not on the half man yeah yeah i hear you man i don't like eating anymore i had one the other day and i didn't think i felt it the whole night like i took it around eight o 'clock around 11 or 12 i was like all right i guess that was just a shitty edible then i couldn't go to bed and it started like my heart started going crazy and it's like all right now it's like one in the morning how long did it take to kick in four or five hours almost you got to go to the doctor You got some blockage somewhere, son.

[955] That doesn't even make sense.

[956] Yeah, that doesn't make sense.

[957] You just defied logic.

[958] You defied science.

[959] You broke medicine.

[960] Yeah.

[961] I couldn't go to sleep, though, for like hours.

[962] Wow.

[963] Maybe it just took you a while to realize you were high.

[964] Or were you, like, caffeined up, and maybe it was having a hard time getting in there?

[965] Yeah, I think I much that had too much other food in my stomach, maybe, and it just took a while to digest it.

[966] That's another possibility.

[967] If you ate something heavy, right?

[968] If that's behind it, does that happen?

[969] Does it work with that?

[970] I think so.

[971] Totally, right?

[972] Yeah.

[973] Yeah, it was like busy.

[974] Your body has to break it down and doesn't get to it.

[975] We're totally unscientific when it comes to understanding of the digestive system.

[976] And you know what I'm saying?

[977] The juices break it down.

[978] The brain juices.

[979] Dude, yeah, I don't think we were right about that.

[980] But yeah, I think if anybody should be concerned about experiences, it's the eating it.

[981] Because I don't want anybody to have bad trips, man. Yeah, it's no. Bad chips steer people away from weed.

[982] And you don't get anything out of those bad edible trips either.

[983] because they usually come when you don't expect them.

[984] Like, they come when you're trying to go to a movie, have a pot cookie with your friends, go to a movie and giggle.

[985] And the pot cookie, way too fucking strong!

[986] And everybody just wants to go home.

[987] You just got to get out of there.

[988] Everybody wants to leave.

[989] Well, panic is never a good time, and that's what it is.

[990] You are in, like, you have super anxiety going.

[991] At least I do, and that's not fun, man. You don't go.

[992] That was really cool the way I panicked for my life for a few hours, you know, just from sitting there.

[993] When I was in full panic, mode, okay, from taking this one, um, one, uh, pill when Eddie Bravo had taken to, I was in full panic when I was talking to this dude.

[994] And the dude I was talking to was a very high level jujitsu guy who also apparently was a rapist.

[995] And, uh, while I was talking to him, I'm so high.

[996] I mean, I'm just, I'm so high, I really shouldn't be talking to anybody.

[997] But why I'm talking to this guy, I'm like, man, this guy is a fucking killer.

[998] Like, he's got this just feel about him like he feels super dangerous you know he's a like a really high -level jiu -tzu guy but he also feels like wow like if you're alone in the woods with this guy you know and you'd gone for a few days without food he might fucking eat you and then uh later after that had happened he turned out that he was a rapist he got arrested but he didn't he didn't get arrested right away he fleed and the way they caught him was he started doing jiu -jitsu again he couldn't stop doing jiu -jitsu and he started doing jiu -jitsu at a new gym and he didn't realize how obvious it is that he's like a super high -level guy there's not that many high -level guys you know when you get to i mean there are quite a few but i mean um it you know maybe maybe there's hundreds but the people in the jiu -jitsu world are pretty much aware of a guy that's that high level yeah and this guy was just tapping everybody including their best black belts and everybody's like okay what the fuck who is this dude who is this dude yeah he says he's from brazil and so someone's got a picture of them or something and they went oh my god that's that guy he's wanted for rape he couldn't he couldn't go on the lamb and not do jujitsu that's incredible it's amazing yeah maybe they would have got him anyway yeah I don't know I mean there's two things I gotta have it's jujitsu and raping people I gotta be able to do both of those things to be a happy guy yeah he gave off this weird dangerous energy you know especially when you're that cranked out on the wrong side of the pot rainbow yeah you know it was just i was in a never world i was in the world of fairies and elves and dwarves and monsters and dragons in the night well that's the thing is if you're having that that type of uh experience the trip yeah like you've eaten too much and you happen to be in a not cool environment like if you're in an already dangerous situation oh my god yeah you're just like somebody get us home please god get us home right now get us out of here yeah yeah there's bad spots in the world.

[999] Imagine eating a pot cookie and going to Karachi.

[1000] Being in the middle of Pakistan, watching people pull up with mopeds and gun people down.

[1001] Did you see that on Vice, the dangerous border one?

[1002] Yeah, yeah.

[1003] It's fantastic.

[1004] Amazing.

[1005] What an amazing, amazing access.

[1006] We had Shane in here.

[1007] He was telling us about Karachi and how insane it is.

[1008] That looks insane.

[1009] Yeah, like millions of people all in this one giant city.

[1010] I think it's 20 million there, right?

[1011] Yeah, something crazy.

[1012] That's a lot of people.

[1013] And crimes just running amok.

[1014] He said it's They hate their neighbors so much, and they're hated so much.

[1015] Dude, so crazy.

[1016] The way he described it to me, he was like, it literally is like the scariest place on earth.

[1017] Like, you can't believe it exists.

[1018] It's like the apocalypse in a city, and it's there right now, and nobody's talking about it.

[1019] Nobody even thinks about it.

[1020] When you talk about dangerous places, people talk about, like, Detroit.

[1021] Detroit is not nearly as dangerous as Karachi.

[1022] Have you had Kumail on?

[1023] Have you ever had him on the show?

[1024] Kumail Nanjiani?

[1025] No, who's that?

[1026] He's a comic from Pakistan, from Karachi.

[1027] Oh, really?

[1028] Yeah.

[1029] Whoa.

[1030] Yeah.

[1031] He's a really good comic.

[1032] Where's he from?

[1033] Like, this in America.

[1034] Does he live in L .A.?

[1035] He lives in L .A. Okay.

[1036] He came over when he was 19.

[1037] How do you say his name again?

[1038] Kumail.

[1039] Kumil Nangiani.

[1040] Yeah.

[1041] He's a really, really good comic.

[1042] Wow.

[1043] He had him on a mom's cast a long time ago, right?

[1044] Long time ago.

[1045] I mean, he's very successful.

[1046] Like, he does very well.

[1047] I mean, he just did an hour special.

[1048] he's acting in like all kinds like he's he does really well and he's like he's a super really like the thing that I was obsessed with when I had him on was that he didn't like he grew up there and he didn't he didn't like watch stand -up growing up and he came into college at 19 and he's so good at it that I'm like yeah but I still understand how you're good at it Because, like, how is your sense of humor developed?

[1049] You started at, like, basically, 19, like, being exposed to this at all.

[1050] Right.

[1051] And he's, like, exceptionally good at it.

[1052] So you see, like, he just has such a command of doing stand -up, like, everything.

[1053] Like, really insightful, smart, really good writer, performer.

[1054] It's so funny.

[1055] And I just am fascinated at his whole background, his whole story.

[1056] Yeah, that is interesting because there are cultures that do not have stand -up comedy, right?

[1057] Yeah, he definitely didn't have it.

[1058] They all have some sort of public gathering where someone gets to talk.

[1059] But for entertainment, I mean, how many places have...

[1060] It's just breaking out in some parts of the world now.

[1061] Like, I know in a lot of Spanish -speaking countries, you know, there are clubs now and, you know, a stand -up show even for television.

[1062] But it's not...

[1063] They don't have the, like, basically 80, 100 -year history that we have.

[1064] Right.

[1065] Of it coming, like, from the cat skills and it being, like, a thing that has different genres.

[1066] You know, I mean, it's newer.

[1067] Well, it's invented here.

[1068] It was most certainly invented here.

[1069] But there's a lot of confusion or a lot of questioning as far as who invented it.

[1070] I mean, who the fuck invented it?

[1071] Is there anyone who is, like, known as the godfather of stand -up?

[1072] That's a good question.

[1073] Because stand -up sort of became stand -up with, Lenny Bruce because before that it was like a lot of guys that would share jokes and they would do the same sketch for 20 years and you know they would go performing the cat skills and they would all steal each other's material and shit they were like people in show business almost like you would think of a contract studio person from like the 1940s and 50s you know you think of those people that had contracts with the studio and did all those studio movies well these guys kind of were that they were like it was a different kind of comedy.

[1074] And then Lenny Bruce came along and all of a sudden he starts talking about real shit.

[1075] And all of a sudden he starts like, you know, like breaking down our use of language and why do we have to say this and who's it?

[1076] And talking about real scenarios in the home and like, whoa, like that was the birth.

[1077] You know?

[1078] Yeah.

[1079] Like if you go over my house, there's all these Lenny Bruce posters everywhere.

[1080] It's not like I listen to Lenny Bruce a lot.

[1081] I mean, I certainly have.

[1082] It's not like it even holds up to this day because it really doesn't.

[1083] It's really hard to laugh at Lenny Bruce.

[1084] of stuff.

[1085] It's hard to put yourself into that mindset of the people that lived during the 1950s and the 1960s.

[1086] But if you could, if you could go back in time and you would be blown away, I'm sure of it.

[1087] I'm sure his point of view was probably so incredibly unique at the time and his insight, you know, his jokes, some of his jokes today are great jokes.

[1088] He had this joke about homosexuality being illegal.

[1089] So what they do is they arrest you and they put you in jail with a bunch of men who want to have sex with you.

[1090] Yeah.

[1091] You know, it was it's a good joke.

[1092] Yeah.

[1093] I mean it's, it's funny in 2013 and he probably told that in the 50s.

[1094] It's crazy.

[1095] Where people were like what?

[1096] It never heard anything like that.

[1097] The fuck did he just say?

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] Yeah.

[1100] I mean, Lenny Bruce went to jail for it.

[1101] He went to jail for using bad words.

[1102] Like, people don't understand that that is in this past century.

[1103] People have been locked into cages for saying naughty words, not even threatening.

[1104] Not like saying, I'm going to blow up this plane.

[1105] Not, you know, words like that.

[1106] But a word like fuck or word like shit or tits or something like that.

[1107] They docked him in cages.

[1108] You're going to jail now.

[1109] They drained his money, ruined his career.

[1110] Jesus.

[1111] Yeah, that and the smack.

[1112] That's the other thing we need to learn from a guy like Lenny.

[1113] Stay away from the smack, my friend.

[1114] It seems like nobody gets through the smack okay.

[1115] Nobody does.

[1116] There's no recovery from that.

[1117] I had a buddy who had a hard time kicking it.

[1118] He, um, uh, in a pill form.

[1119] He hurt his back.

[1120] And, uh, the doctors, immediately, of course, gave him heroin.

[1121] That's what the oxycontin says.

[1122] And he was like, dude, he goes, it was, it was magical.

[1123] He goes, it cured, cured all the pain.

[1124] He goes, uh, I didn't, it wasn't, even that fucked up when he was on.

[1125] He was, he goes, I was just, uh, he goes, it just stopped the pain, you know?

[1126] But then coming off of it, he had to take some other.

[1127] drug.

[1128] It's my friend Tommy Jr., if he's listening right now.

[1129] Powerful Tommy Jr. And they just give them to you, man. When you get hurt, like I know guys who were junkies.

[1130] Yeah.

[1131] And went to the doctor and, you know, they give him pain medication.

[1132] And, you know, that's a dangerous trip.

[1133] Like, you're getting high.

[1134] Like, mark it down because here it comes.

[1135] You know, do you like being sober?

[1136] You like keeping your shit together?

[1137] Don't take that.

[1138] That's no bueno, you know?

[1139] You take that pill to the pain kills with a beer?

[1140] Yeah.

[1141] Ooh, that's, that's a whole other ball game.

[1142] Most people do.

[1143] It's like super common.

[1144] Yeah, of course.

[1145] You're not supposed to, right?

[1146] No. Isn't Xanax a really bad one to take with alcohol?

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] I saw a lady do it on a plane, but she was laughing about it.

[1149] She's like, she's getting high.

[1150] She's getting high.

[1151] Just a glass of wine and my Xanax and I'm good to go.

[1152] And she was like laughing.

[1153] Ha ha ha.

[1154] She puts her fucking goggles on.

[1155] She's fucking see you later.

[1156] Just rule it on the chair.

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] She was letting everybody know.

[1159] She was abusing drugs.

[1160] Yeah.

[1161] That's because she was getting high for sure.

[1162] But if I let them know, if I said, listen, I took a pot cookie an hour before this flight.

[1163] I'm out of my fucking head right now, kids.

[1164] We're going to go back to the gate, guys.

[1165] Yeah, we're going to turn this thing around and land it in the desert.

[1166] Get this fucking criminal off of our plane.

[1167] You asshole.

[1168] What were you thinking about?

[1169] I was thinking about fingering girls in high school.

[1170] What was that all about?

[1171] Just having that flashback.

[1172] I was thinking about the excitement.

[1173] The first time we touched the moist vagina, like, holy shit, I'm in there.

[1174] I'm in there.

[1175] And girls that would grab you dick And some girls wouldn't Did you have those girls that like Everyone would pass around like during movies Like when they had the projectors out And then like she'd be like oh we got the finger Some girls yeah There was some girls that would just let dude's finger on Yeah That's a good thing Well I mean That's just a balance Sometimes you need your pussy thing It's a balance to this universe You know And it's not necessarily a good thing That those girls are so needy That they're doing that But there's a cause and effect And it's not her fault You know that's what people have to realize Whenever girls do like Really overreaching things to get attention.

[1176] It's because they didn't get enough attention.

[1177] You know, it's really that simple.

[1178] Or they got the wrong kind of attention.

[1179] They got fucked up.

[1180] And it's not their fault, man. You know, and that's something that takes a long time to figure out.

[1181] You don't realize that for a while.

[1182] Yeah, man. I mean, people just sort of judge people by what they see.

[1183] And that's one of the more interesting things about having children is you start judging people by how they became that thing.

[1184] How did you get to be this angry, like, really, like, deceptive, you know, shitty, selfish person who's ruining lives.

[1185] stealing from people and how does a person get to be a murderer has a person get to be a robber breaks into people's houses when you know they're not going to be around and how do you get to be that person well some a bunch of shit has to go wrong you know there's a bunch of people have to fail you you know you start off nothing but potential that's what a person is yeah nothing but potential and that is the number one thing that we don't pay attention to and it's the number one thing that's fucking up this world is that people are raised by people that don't have any idea how to raise the most complex thing ever, a developing human being.

[1186] It's the most complex thing we know of.

[1187] It's a thing that literally can create an atomic bomb that can blow up the fucking world.

[1188] That's how powerful the human mind is.

[1189] And you're leaving it to assholes.

[1190] You're leaving it to a bunch of people that have no idea how to raise a person correctly and weren't raised correctly themselves.

[1191] So I have all sorts of baggage that they're carrying into this relationship between mother and daughter and father and son and you know most people have no idea how the fuck they got into the place they're at right now they live their life on momentum you know and raising a human when you're stuck on momentum and screaming to people in traffic and calling your wife a cunt and you know kicking your dog and now you got a baby okay this guy has a baby all right now what happens now this baby's fucked and he's being raised by shithead and that's most of what's going on in the world most of the problems is a lack of compassion and a lack of compassion from birth to adulthood and it's so common and it's not being addressed nobody talks about it everybody wants to talk about oil everybody wants to pottoe what do we do and run out of oil what will we do when peak oil becomes a problem in this country when will we step up and learn but nobody looks at the number one commodity that humans have to offer that's humans.

[1192] Our best commodity is humans.

[1193] And the more potential that you can have in that commodity, the better the world would be for everybody.

[1194] But the problem is that the people that have billions of dollars, they're a bunch of cunts.

[1195] And they want to hold on to that money with their greasy old, moisturizing cream fucking leather hands.

[1196] Because they've had it their whole life, and they've been in this position of privilege, and they understand what it to make 16 billion dollars you know how many people I had a payoff you know any lobbyists I had a bribe you know that's I earned this fucking boat you know yeah but that's the the the extreme form of you know the the wrong parts of the competitive aspects of capitalism do you see did you see queen of Versailles no what is that oh my god what is it's a documentary it's so fucking you're not the first person to say it what is it about it's about the guy who he started, it's the world's biggest time shareholder company, Westgate I think it's called, or it was called something like that.

[1197] I think it's Westgate.

[1198] Anyways, a few years ago, he went about building the largest home in the United States.

[1199] Oh, my God.

[1200] It was 90 ,000 square feet, I think.

[1201] 90 ,000 square feet.

[1202] And it was modeled after Versailles, the palace in France.

[1203] And he just so happened to be doing this and a documentary crew was filming him for this purpose and it happened in 08 when the market crashed they had a lion they this the oh my god he has a throne sure i'm a 43 -year -old which is mother of eight i thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world it took me a while to all in love with him we have a great relationship there's 30 years between us but the He doesn't need Viagra.

[1204] At least there is that option if he does.

[1205] Like, I don't know if 10 years from now.

[1206] We never sought out to build the biggest house in America.

[1207] It just kind of happened.

[1208] It's bigger than the White House.

[1209] Two tennis courts.

[1210] Dirty actors.

[1211] Full -size baseball field.

[1212] Ten kitchens.

[1213] Antique furniture.

[1214] 90 ,000 square feet.

[1215] Oh, my God.

[1216] No, that's not my room.

[1217] That's my closet.

[1218] No way.

[1219] Nothing's really normal about this life.

[1220] We're in line to do a billion dollars in sales for the year.

[1221] We're on top of the world.

[1222] And it came to a screeching hole.

[1223] The market fell over 700 points.

[1224] I would say it's touch and go right now.

[1225] We don't talk about financial problems.

[1226] I guess I'll have to watch the movie to find out what's going on in my life.

[1227] Everything changes.

[1228] This is almost like a richest rag story.

[1229] She knows we need to cut back.

[1230] but she's still compulsive well if I could afford a watch I would tell you bankers I'm like vultures our big problem is Vegas our lenders have made it very clear that he'll have more money than he knows what to do with he can go back to building his house if he turns over this building over my dead body you can buy the palace that timeshare mogul David Siegel already wants to sell just think of the bright side you might not have to clean this house the American dream is raising way up above what you started with and that is what she has done when you're down is when you find out who your true friends are you get strength from your marriage I'm in this fantasy world you know it's phenomenal oh my god she is completely oblivious to how she comes off well when they start having to make cutbacks yeah their cutbacks are things like we're not flying private we're flying you know commercial and like she picks up like one of her kids they land and she picks up her kid at the airport and she's like what do you think of flying commercial was that crazy?

[1231] And the kid's like I don't even know what you're talking about like just planes right?

[1232] She's like yeah commercial or they go to rent a car to visit her friend at the airport and they're like at Hertz and then she's like so will the driver like meet me out front or how does this work?

[1233] He's like this is Hertz, rent a car and she's like what is that like there's no driver and he's like no you're the driver you're renting a car right now she's like okay i just i don't know all right like that that's pretty removed from society where she's she's living in such a fantasy world how much money did home boy lose um i mean nine figures for sure for sure yeah but he's been um that's like a hundred million dollars yeah so over a hundred million for sure of personal stop and think about that nine figures yeah yeah yeah he lost uh uh a substantial amount of money.

[1234] Oh, my God.

[1235] And then, you know, because the property is basically, basically what happened was his business is a luxury business, but it's a luxury for the middle class.

[1236] So timeshares are something where it's like, if you have a good job, like you know, you can more than pay your bills, you can afford to do something like, let's go to Disney World this year, let's go to Vegas.

[1237] But they sell you on, well, you can afford to do this.

[1238] And it's people who have that, you know, extra money, some disposable income, but not like super wealthy.

[1239] What does it mean when you have a time share?

[1240] Does it mean like you have this month and I have that month?

[1241] It's exactly like that.

[1242] It's like you get to come to this awesome time share, whichever, let's say you like Vegas.

[1243] You have the timeshare in Vegas.

[1244] And two weeks out of every year, maybe you get to pick your month.

[1245] If you pay more or sometime during the yearless every July, you get your Vegas place.

[1246] It's yours.

[1247] And it's fully furnished and it's awesome.

[1248] But other people have the keys to it.

[1249] Yes.

[1250] So it's not.

[1251] Who are the other people though?

[1252] People who like you, signed up for this service.

[1253] Did not like your friends?

[1254] You can't pick them.

[1255] No. No, it's total strangers.

[1256] No, but there is a property, whips, there's a property manager that's on site.

[1257] Yeah, it's not just some stranger.

[1258] Yeah.

[1259] And then you have to go through him that.

[1260] Oh, I see.

[1261] You know what I mean?

[1262] You're basically.

[1263] It's in a hotel then.

[1264] It is.

[1265] You're paying to go back to the same place and be like, this is my shit.

[1266] Right.

[1267] But, you know, it's not.

[1268] But it's not really.

[1269] And you don't keep a TV there and you don't keep a stereo there.

[1270] I mean, it's probably, I'm sure, furnished with all that stuff.

[1271] But what happened was.

[1272] It's probably for a lot of people more comfortable than going on a hotel.

[1273] And probably better, like, if you can eat.

[1274] My family's do it all the time.

[1275] That's the thing is that.

[1276] We go to a supermarket and shop like you're at home.

[1277] And you can get a way higher end place than you would.

[1278] Like, if you were renting the equivalent at a hotel, you're not going to get like a three -bedroom suite.

[1279] Like, you're going to get at your time share.

[1280] Right, right, right.

[1281] How much do you have to pay a year?

[1282] I don't know.

[1283] I don't know.

[1284] It's not that much.

[1285] It's probably, like, the one I went to, because I actually got suckered in.

[1286] doing one of those like we did have a time share well when i was 18 uh my my stupid roommate he was like hey i won a vacation and i'm like oh that's so perfect that brian did and then and then so we went to florida he's like all we have to do is find a way to florida and then we have five days in the bahamas and i'm like fuck yeah so we get there and we had to like fly like spend her own money to fly to florida or we could have drove there and then we get there and then like the first day we checked in uh to this like hotel it was all paid for i was like this is sweet uh he he was like all right well we got to go to this condo thing.

[1287] We have to just do this little thing for a couple hours.

[1288] Seminar, yeah.

[1289] Oh, my God.

[1290] And he totally did not tell me that we had to do this every day, like for two hours.

[1291] Every day?

[1292] Yeah, except for like the last two days.

[1293] How many days were you there for?

[1294] I think five days.

[1295] And so every day, they just went to a new level of trying to, and every day I would say the same thing.

[1296] I'm like, I'm 18.

[1297] I was like, do you really think I can do this?

[1298] How did you even get me here?

[1299] So every day, what were they saying to you?

[1300] They would show us the condos, which they were all amazing, but they would walk us around.

[1301] And then, like, the next day would go to a different part of, at the time, it was Florida.

[1302] Like, what happened is, like, the last two days was in Bahamas.

[1303] He didn't tell me that either.

[1304] He's just, like, five days in Bahamas.

[1305] But it was in Pompano, Florida the whole time.

[1306] So he just went to all these different, like, hotels, these condo places in Pompano.

[1307] And they were like, and this is this so -and -so place.

[1308] And, you know, I know.

[1309] So it was in the Bahamas?

[1310] Not the first three days.

[1311] The last two days.

[1312] The last two days, they fly you to the Bahamas?

[1313] They take a boat cruise thing.

[1314] over to the Bahamas.

[1315] How long does that take?

[1316] Like three hours.

[1317] Not that far.

[1318] I'm getting to Bahamas on a boat in three hours?

[1319] Yeah, I think so.

[1320] Wow.

[1321] Yeah.

[1322] And so then, but what sucked is like every day they tried to get you to sign these contract.

[1323] And it was like fucking like hardcore.

[1324] Like they were like, no, you need to sit down here and talk, you know, and I'm like, look, every day.

[1325] Were these young guys?

[1326] Who were the guys that were trying to talk?

[1327] No, these were older people.

[1328] You know?

[1329] It's like, what were they saying to you?

[1330] They were like, do you understand?

[1331] You're at the perfect age.

[1332] And I'm sure you're a credit.

[1333] You know, this would be a good investment in your life because you can, like, you know, rent this out, sub -rented out.

[1334] And you will always have this really cool place, you know, in the pomp notes or whatever.

[1335] Also, telling you, like, if you don't use it for the weeks that you get it, you could rent it out.

[1336] You can rent it out to other people and make it profit for me. And actually, it's going to cost you this, but you could rent it.

[1337] Right, exactly.

[1338] And I want to, I want to say it was probably something like you paid once, like a huge chunk of money.

[1339] Like, I want to say it was like something ridiculous, like $10 ,000.

[1340] And then every year you pay.

[1341] pay like a maintenance fee or something like that, that's like $200.

[1342] I want to say it's something like that.

[1343] So it's a top heavy sort of thing.

[1344] Yeah, definitely top heavy.

[1345] And they were like always, they were saying like, look, we have the best financial solutions.

[1346] We have these, we are friends with the people at the bank.

[1347] We will get you, you know, the best rate that we can get you for 20 years, you know, to divide that $10 ,000 out to probably $30 ,000 after finance charges.

[1348] You know, it's a scam.

[1349] Right.

[1350] Right.

[1351] It's kind of a bit of, I mean, it's one of those scams that's been around for a long time, though, the high -pressure marketing scam, you know.

[1352] It's like a legit scam.

[1353] Like, you're allowed to do that.

[1354] You're allowed to do.

[1355] But that kind of, like, high -pressure shit, if you're, like, socially awkward or weird, you could really crack people with that, you know.

[1356] I was just getting really pissed.

[1357] And the other thing we had to pay for all the tax of all the hotels that we stayed at.

[1358] So at the end of they were like, all right, you owe $800 in taxes.

[1359] So I ended up having to pay, like, back then, like Ohio days, $800, like we both had to pay $400 or something like that.

[1360] That was a shitload of money.

[1361] That drained my bank account.

[1362] And then, like, I only had $300 so that my roommate gave me the extra $100.

[1363] And then I never paid them back because I was like, look, dude, that was bullshit.

[1364] I'm sorry that you did not tell me any of this.

[1365] You said we had a free vacation.

[1366] I'm sorry, but I didn't, you made me spend an extra, you know, blah, blah amount of money.

[1367] and so we stopped talking ever since then we became enemies for a long time and then just because over a hundred dollars isn't it funny how something like that go wrong you can just decide that that person's your enemy right well it's just fucked me out of a hundred bucks it's just bullshit man it was like it's definitely bullshit not a vacation well you know it's also it would they would probably have to pay you a lot of money to make you sit there and listen to those people right and in the end what you did spend you probably could have done almost the same thing right with your 400 bucks or you know or whatever the hell it would have caught I mean how much can you go to like on the cheap to the Bahamas for and stay in the cheapest place possible I bet you we ended up spending more money you might have between the two of you if you both got a two bedroom hotel room that's another thing the hotels were just like that was one thing I said like it's three and a half or above a hotel it was like very borderline it was like courtyard at the Marriott you know what I mean that's one thing about like I think it's happens to the older you get to is like I will not compromise on certain shit like certain like paper well like just certain like like hey man do you want to go see this shit and backpack with like eight people but we'll see something awesome like nah man I don't want to do that like if I I'm not saying I have to have four seasons and like I can't you know afford to do that and I'm not like I'm basically not going to take a trip if I can't do it at least at a level that I'm comfortable with you know you know what though man I agree with you most of the time but uh you know i went on that show meat eater and we were camping for five nights in the missouri brakes but that's a trip you missouri river breaks you want to do that that that experience i'm saying i'm not saying like if that experience were presented to me i would consider that for what it is right but i'm not like i met a dude who was like yeah i've been to the bahamas i went on a mail boat like bringing mail over and like slept with like basically the mail carrier and like the letters and i was like nah you know what the problem with that The problem with that is, though, I'm the same way, like, I'm kind of grumpy.

[1368] I'm getting the older I'm getting, the older I'm getting.

[1369] Of course.

[1370] But, you know, I went on this trip to Joshua Tree where we stayed in this, like, little RV, and I was so against it.

[1371] I'm like, look, you know, I want to go Joshua Tree, but I don't want to stay in some shitty RV in the middle of some campground.

[1372] Like, why can't we just stay somewhere, not?

[1373] And I was being a bitch about the whole thing until we got there.

[1374] And it ended up being the coolest adventure ever.

[1375] Like, I would never have done it.

[1376] Right.

[1377] Or, like, I get, like, this girl I know wants me to go camping with her.

[1378] And I'm, like, doing the same thing where I, I'm, I know if I go, I might have a great fucking time.

[1379] You're probably have a great time, man. I'm just being grumpy.

[1380] But that's, again, like, a specific experience, I think, though, too.

[1381] You know what I mean?

[1382] Like, it's like, it has the group, like, the group experience in mind going into it is going something like that.

[1383] If you go, if somebody goes, hey, man, do you want to go to Paris right now?

[1384] And you're like, okay.

[1385] And they're like, now, we're going to stay at this place.

[1386] Well, you won't have your own room or bathroom.

[1387] But if you get the key from the front desk, I'll be like, you know, I'll wait on Paris for a little while.

[1388] Yeah.

[1389] So I can, you know, stay.

[1390] in my own room or something you know what i mean yeah like i'm not i don't want to exactly then the lack of sleep you're going to get sleep what i do because you know he's snoring and you know you're snoring he's going to wake you up it's going to be a goddamn disaster last time i slept with a dude it's my friend gary it was uh coming to uh please cut that l a ringtone last time i slept with a dude where dude's at last time i slept with a dude um he uh he came to stay with me and he uh he didn't have enough money for a hotel he was out They're doing some shit from New York.

[1391] He's a comic as well.

[1392] You know Gary Valentine.

[1393] You know Gary?

[1394] Yeah, of course.

[1395] Yeah.

[1396] Kevin's brother.

[1397] And this motherfucker, I never heard anybody snort like this before.

[1398] It was crazy.

[1399] It's crazy, right?

[1400] It was crazy.

[1401] In the middle of that I had a get, but we go, are you fucking kidding me?

[1402] But this is when we were kids.

[1403] We were both, like, in our early 20s.

[1404] It was like in the early 90s.

[1405] A couple years ago, I stayed at the West Palm Beach, had it as a condo.

[1406] Uh -huh.

[1407] And I was down there, and my buddy Chuck came to town.

[1408] Chuck's six, five.

[1409] like 290 big big dude and he was like yo um like can i crash the condo has like a you know whatever a bedroom and living room i was like yeah he goes lays in the bed and like before i even can sit down i hear him uh like not just snoring but he also grinds his teeth oh my god and it sounded like a monster was doing it he's like such an enormous person i laid on the couch in that condo with my noise canceling headphones, a sun, like a shirt over my eyes so that the like, black it out, and a mouth guard in my mouth so that I didn't snore up.

[1410] And he came out and he was like, what the fuck are you doing?

[1411] I'm like, you, man, you came to visit, and now you've ruined my night.

[1412] That's what happened.

[1413] Fuck that.

[1414] Yeah, snoring is gross.

[1415] Oh, my God.

[1416] The grinding thing's the worst.

[1417] That's just bones.

[1418] It's scary sounding.

[1419] Yeah, it's like skeletous.

[1420] Why do people do that?

[1421] They say it's stress or whatever.

[1422] I don't know.

[1423] I'm a clincher.

[1424] Like the dentist said, like, no, that's actually okay.

[1425] You clinch.

[1426] That's why you have really strong.

[1427] Many in my teeth are cracked from weightlifting.

[1428] What?

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] Really?

[1431] Weight lifting.

[1432] Your teeth are cracked from that?

[1433] You must be found out of some serious weight, man. I'm a very strong person.

[1434] Tommy Jane.

[1435] My man. But, yeah, he told me where I mouth card when I lift weights.

[1436] No shit.

[1437] Yeah.

[1438] It's probably...

[1439] Do you do, like, squats?

[1440] Years of hitting the bag as well.

[1441] I don't hit the bag with a mouthpiece on.

[1442] When you bite down, you know, when you're really digging into something, you actually lose a lot of power if you don't bite down.

[1443] It's really strange.

[1444] I don't understand it.

[1445] Really?

[1446] Yeah.

[1447] Yeah, it doesn't seem like you can hit as hard when your mouth is open.

[1448] It's like your whole body needs to work together, you know, as you explode out on impact.

[1449] And when your mouth is open a little, I think there's a lack of power to that.

[1450] It's kind of strange.

[1451] but it's very difficult to get a full amount of power and explosive energy when you have your mouth open.

[1452] They actually did like tests on it, and I think it was the basis of one of those mouthguards they had.

[1453] They had like this power guard where they proved that like if you bit down on it and it actually increased the amount of weight you could lift.

[1454] Really?

[1455] Yeah, yeah.

[1456] Like they aligned your jaw in a certain way that increased the amount of power that your body had.

[1457] I don't understand that.

[1458] I don't know why that would be the case.

[1459] But for some reason, you can't hit as hard when your mouse open.

[1460] That's really interesting.

[1461] I know, like, you know, like, you know, breathing can affect, like, how you, like, Yeah.

[1462] Like, holding your breath versus breathing related to a lot of physical things makes a huge difference.

[1463] Huge difference, yeah.

[1464] And being able to sustain, like, an in -and -out, you know, breath versus, like, holding your breath.

[1465] That's one of the biggest issues in Jiu -Jitsu.

[1466] Is breathing?

[1467] He's learning how to breathe right.

[1468] And that's why the really, the best.

[1469] guys are all really into yoga and prada yama and learning breathing techniques and stuff like that because if you can control your breath and your your diaphragm is a muscle that you can control much like you can control your arms or your legs yeah and there's certain guys like this is this dude hicks and gracy's like the greatest jiu jutsu guy ever and he does all this crazy yoga shit with his stomach where he sucks his stomach in it's really freaky to watch man but the guy has like absolute control of his breathing that's incredible and because of that I mean not just because of that because he's also incredibly talented just he has a wealth of knowledge of jiu jitsu he's just he's a master is a true master and on top of that he's also a yogi yeah that breathing shit is like it's super important coordinating your breath with striking as well not just with jujitsu when you kick the bag when you kick a person when you breathe out as you as you strike yeah you know and that's why and a lot of like the karate and even um um in moitai they they they like not like the same thing they kiya like they like they yell out when they uh when they hit things yeah you know and Thai guys do that a lot in training like you hear him like yeah like you know and like in when you go to see Thai fights they yell out like the audience you know or the trainers yell out oh oh they yell out you know and um it's like you know like you're tightening up as you're delivering the shot yeah and also to protect you a little bit if you get hit yourself i know a lot of the um like the heavy bench press guys yeah with they're trying to wrap out on heavy weight it's always uh one in and one out yeah it's supposed to go like take one breath in and push it out with one breath you know and that's how and they try to do like 225 like 30 fucking times that shit is like all you know it's better than going you hold your breath you and you're out totally fucks up the the rhythm of it you know what's crazy to do what's really hard to do that i i enjoy doing i enjoy it as an exercise is a minute in a minute out really yeah i take a one minute breath in a slow one minute breath in and then a slow one minute breath out and it's very hard to not freak out and just start in the middle of it it's very hard i did it like 30 seconds but i did it a lot i do it in the tank and that's how i start my my my tank sessions.

[1470] I start my tank sessions by completely controlling my breathing.

[1471] Have you always been able to do that?

[1472] No. No, I had to build up to it.

[1473] Okay.

[1474] Yeah, your buddy was it, Denny?

[1475] Yeah.

[1476] Powerful Denny.

[1477] Yeah.

[1478] Powerful Denny.

[1479] He said he does yoga like every morning.

[1480] Oh, yeah.

[1481] Denny's a bad motherfucker.

[1482] Denny's a world champion in Chih Tzu.

[1483] Yeah, he's been.

[1484] I've known Denny since he was a young kid.

[1485] He's a great guy.

[1486] He's awesome.

[1487] Denny Propikos.

[1488] He's, uh, he runs 10th Planet Jiuitsu in San Francisco.

[1489] He's, you know, he's a young man, but he's also master.

[1490] He's a great developing master as he's getting better.

[1491] but he's uh he's really into yoga right now yoga and meditation and he had a few back issues and he actually um gave me some pointers and uh because uh you know i had some i had a bulging disc in my back that's actually been getting better but yeah denny went through some back issues himself and he did like a very strict regimen of yoga and um uh like it was like a type of uh tension it's like a spinal decompression where it's like literally like pulling your neck while this chord and he did this like very disciplined over a course of like five or six weeks or something like that and fixed his issue denny has that quality too you know we were talking about how you can sense bad energy and like dangerous denny to me has um like just being around a few moments you sense like a type of balance yeah i get the feeling it from him that i do from a lot of people who are very disciplined yeah there's a certain intensity to them but there's also like a certain amount like you you can feel like their control at work like there's such disciplined characters a lot of times like really good athletes there's that like energy that they bring into a room you know like I know these like these guys that do like triathlons and stuff they have this like it's like a quiet intensity to them right right like you you meet them and you can feel their presence like there's their discipline comes through just in their when they speak to you yeah absolutely and they're the best type of people to be around The best type of people to be around Good influence.

[1492] Inspirational influence.

[1493] I agree.

[1494] I agree.

[1495] And Denny's definitely inspirational.

[1496] He's just, I love the fact that I've seen him as a young man. So I met him when he's very young.

[1497] I think he was like 17 or 18.

[1498] And he was always a cool kid.

[1499] I mean, even back then it was great.

[1500] But to see him evolve and develop and become the man he is now, I love seeing that man. I love seeing people progress.

[1501] I love seeing people get it together.

[1502] You know, like I was telling Tony Hinchcliff, the other day I had him on the podcast, and I was like, I love the fact that in the time I've known you, you became a really good comedian.

[1503] Sure.

[1504] You know, I love that.

[1505] I love that.

[1506] I didn't know a guy.

[1507] He started out, and then I meet him a couple years later, and he's a great comedian.

[1508] Oh, look at this.

[1509] We got one right there.

[1510] It's pretty awesome.

[1511] It's fucking amazing.

[1512] He's great.

[1513] I love Tony, man. He's hilarious.

[1514] So funny.

[1515] He's a total natural.

[1516] Yeah.

[1517] And, like, he, the best comics are the ones that can't even help themselves.

[1518] Like, if a joke is in the.

[1519] the room to be said he just jumps on it he dives on it like a fucking grenade yeah absolutely i love that feeling with comics yeah i love the um and i love seeing like i have so many friends who i started out with who i'm like proud of just watching them as my friends yeah you know like absolutely i was where i brought uh you met matt fulchran i brought him yeah oh i love that dude i mean he can't help himself either yeah what you're in the room what a great personality that guy has matt full charge is the best fun and he's a when you're around i'm like he's like got a legit smile and then all of a sudden you're smiling and everybody's he's a great guy there's certain guys like that like we only talked like a little bit but i can tell like right away he's awesome he's awesome and um you know he had the week off and i asked him to come with to do the show to do thursday saturday and sunday and he fucking like brought the house down every set it was awesome yeah he killed yeah i'd imagine he'd be really funny yeah yeah anybody uh that came to the show's friday night and all the weekend thank you very much you guys were awesome San Jose was the shit.

[1520] That was the shit.

[1521] Northern California might be the best place on Earth.

[1522] It's awesome.

[1523] It really might be.

[1524] I mean, the weather's not the best.

[1525] It's not the best.

[1526] But as far as human beings, as far as intelligence, like, viving with human beings, I think I vibe better with Northern California people than anybody on the planet.

[1527] Really?

[1528] I really do.

[1529] I have some friends that live up there, and whenever I go to hang with them, I always feel like, God damn it, why don't I live in Northern California?

[1530] It's awesome.

[1531] It's better.

[1532] Yeah.

[1533] You know, the weather sucks a fat dick, though.

[1534] Unless, you know, that's only a negative.

[1535] If you don't enjoy sucking fat dicks, yeah, man. But if you enjoy sucking fat dicks, I'm just talking from my own personal perspective.

[1536] I'm not trying to be sexist nor homophobic.

[1537] Some of them are too big to really get in your mouth right.

[1538] Especially it was like a demon dick or a big giant word hog.

[1539] The only wants a mouth fuck you.

[1540] That's not beyond the realm of possibility.

[1541] I watch a chimp fuck a frog.

[1542] You know, you ever watch a chimp fuck a frog's face?

[1543] No. There's a video of it.

[1544] There's a video of it online.

[1545] Have you seen it?

[1546] See if you pull it up, Jamie.

[1547] I have seen pornoes.

[1548] where I see the girl really struggled to get a guy's soft dick into her mouth and I'm like, that's a big dick right there.

[1549] She's really struggling with his limp.

[1550] She's like, plus her mouth is all dry.

[1551] Wow, that's really fucking stretching out of the mouth.

[1552] When you're on all that math, it's tough to generate saliva.

[1553] Yeah, they have dry blowjobs that take too long.

[1554] Dry blow jobs take too long.

[1555] That's, uh...

[1556] Oh, are we about to see this?

[1557] So this chimp rapes a frog.

[1558] It makes this frog suck them off.

[1559] So, because we know this, exists because we know that this chimp takes this frog and picks it up and puts it on his little chimp cock and fucks it because we know that exists i don't think it's that preposterous to propose that in an alternate world there could be a giant bore that makes you suck his cock wow he's he wants to do is hold a person down he's raping that mouth right now yeah he fucks it yeah yeah he fucks that frog and then flashlight was born look at him and by the way this is not the only time this has happened there's another video of a chimp fucking a frog apparently when chimps get frogs they fuck them.

[1560] That guy's beaten off using that frog.

[1561] This is some shit we never saw on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

[1562] They would have edited this out.

[1563] We need the internet to give us this information.

[1564] Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom would have you believe that Chimps are cute friends to be taken with on rides in semis, on sitcoms.

[1565] This is what they are.

[1566] Chimp is busted.

[1567] I respect this.

[1568] They're murderous frog rapers.

[1569] To be fair, I bet it does feel pretty decent.

[1570] Probably feels alright.

[1571] Don't you feel better about your own impulsive like nature when you see that yeah i would try a snake though like like cut off the head and fuck the snake not a bad idea but the hole you need a hole frogs have a nice big hole you know if you can keep them from clamping down on your cock and balls and i think that maybe chimps probably have a much more leathery cock skin than i think that was the whole idea in the beginning you know we had more leathery cock skin and then that's why the head retracted you have the sensitive tip and that's what makes you shoot but the average cock back in the day was probably a lot tougher than the cocks of today these fucking dicks today they can't take branches snapping into them or rubbing up against gravel where you fucking try to climb up the rocks at the beach no these cocks are today are weak yeah because you would you would fuck you would fuck winches and you wouldn't wash it off you're just like you know that wenches is that what they used to be called wench not a winch winch winch you don't fuck a winch a winch is the thing you put on the back of a truck to pull a log out of a ditch that's a winch a wench is i think the because i got in trouble for saying winches on Fear Factor.

[1572] Why?

[1573] Were they black ones in here?

[1574] No, I was trying to motivate a girl, and she was on an all -girls Fear Factor, and there was these other girls that were saying, don't do it, don't do it, because she was scared, and so they were trying to make her more scared, and I said, hey, I go, listen, listen to me, don't listen to those catty winches.

[1575] Wow, so what would a winch be today, like a hoe?

[1576] Yes, apparently what they said, what the reason why I got in trouble is because apparently a wench is like a prostitute.

[1577] I mean we're talking medieval time folks okay is it really is that what it really means doesn't it mean what it means in the cultural context and the cultural context where I grew up in Boston a wench was a chick like ah he's fucking wench it's like she was kind of a bitch she was like a little bitch I don't think they had winches in Ohio and so a catty wench would not be a prostitute it would be a chick that talks too fucking much and is trying to damage a young lady's confidence in completing a challenge for $50 ,000 winch catty wench but people get all upset or they got all upset and this was back in the day I mean this is a fear factor like season two or something like that it's not like today if you said anything like that today you'd probably get arrested you know somebody tweeted like that Ari said on his recent podcast punch drunk that he doesn't believe half the stories I say half the stories you say yeah and I'm like why would I wake make that how would I make that shit up that it was it's It's merely because you're a little awkward.

[1578] Right.

[1579] A little.

[1580] But, yeah.

[1581] And you've been known to tell a story a bit on the exaggerating side.

[1582] To make it more exciting, maybe.

[1583] Occasionally.

[1584] But it doesn't mean that the meat is still real.

[1585] You're not a liar.

[1586] I really think I just need to follow me around to these massage parlors and stuff.

[1587] Yeah.

[1588] Yeah, you also live an extraordinary life sexually that I'm sure he's not really, able to deal with now.

[1589] I just hate that.

[1590] Because he knew you back in the day when you were kind of a zero.

[1591] I just hate that shit.

[1592] Now you're a hero.

[1593] I hate that shit.

[1594] I hate when, you know, it's stuff like that though.

[1595] Like, hey, well, if you really don't believe my stories, won't you ask me?

[1596] Here's really, here's really what I think.

[1597] Why care?

[1598] Why was he?

[1599] Why does he care?

[1600] Why is everyone hate it?

[1601] You guys are friends.

[1602] What is that about?

[1603] You know, it's a distracting amount.

[1604] It's an energy distraction.

[1605] It's not something to focus on.

[1606] For him or for you.

[1607] He shouldn't have focused on it.

[1608] You shouldn't focus on it.

[1609] You shouldn't focus on it.

[1610] You know, it's like, there's other, and sometimes it's, you're on a podcast, and you're ranting, and he wants to keep it real, and that's really what he thinks.

[1611] You know, there's that, too.

[1612] But it's unnecessary.

[1613] It's, it's, you, when you do that, especially, like, with a friend, you put out, like, a certain amount of energy.

[1614] You put out a certain thing, you know, you put it out there.

[1615] And then, okay, well, then that has to be, like, responded to, like, it's being responded to now.

[1616] Right.

[1617] And he probably didn't even think about that when he did it.

[1618] But if he just said it, or if he just thought it and then didn't say it, it'd be way better off.

[1619] Or if he wanted to talk to you about it, just say, hey man, I just want to tell you.

[1620] Sometimes you tell stories and I think they're fucking, I don't trust them.

[1621] Right.

[1622] And then I would say, what story are you?

[1623] Yeah.

[1624] But, you know, you do tell a squirrely story on occasion.

[1625] Tell me one.

[1626] I can't remember them all.

[1627] Because I could have people that were involved in the story there.

[1628] No, no, no, no, no. Listen, okay, well, that's even more ridiculous because you're saying you've never exaggerated or told the story a little like I would have to have an example you know I'm sunk in high school huh never did it like I'm saying like as an example I would probably be prone to saying something like yeah that girl was like fucking hot man she was like an LA 10 you know when maybe she was like a 7 or 8 you know something like that nothing wrong like a slight exaggeration but I appreciate it when someone tells me the truth like Ari would tell me the truth I'd go what did she look like you go LA 6 maybe maybe right he wouldn't say oh she was a 10 it's the greatest piece of ass ever you know everybody appreciates that more than they appreciate exaggeration because exaggeration although I enjoy it like Joey Diaz style exaggeration is the greatest fucking thing on earth absolutely I mean so in a way it's hypocritical say you don't enjoy exaggeration right it's just saying you don't enjoy that but you know Joey also tells a very honest story as well with the crazy exaggerations that you know are for comedic effect I mean, it's like part of the fun of it all.

[1629] But that's also part of, like, each of these people's nature.

[1630] Like, Ari is a guy who he's not like, oh, I'm going to add all this little spice to the story.

[1631] He doesn't like it when you do it either, man. He's very specific.

[1632] Yeah.

[1633] He doesn't want you to bullshit him because he's not a bullshitter.

[1634] But that's his own trip, too.

[1635] You know, his own trip is that he's very, like, focused and ambitious now, and he doesn't want to hear any nonsense, you know?

[1636] And that's because he's on a great groove right now.

[1637] He doesn't want anything getting hijacked.

[1638] Yeah.

[1639] Whether it's his time hijacked with a fake story or someone giving him a fake impression of what happened.

[1640] Another guy who you've witnessed made a huge crazy leap.

[1641] Dude, we were with Ari when Ari was first starting.

[1642] Yeah.

[1643] You know, at the store, I think when Ari came to the store, I hate that I don't know this.

[1644] But I don't know if he started.

[1645] I think he started out his first sets in D .C., right?

[1646] Uh -huh.

[1647] I don't know.

[1648] I think.

[1649] But then when he came over, the DC improv, right?

[1650] Because I remember him having a hard time for them.

[1651] um taking him seriously you'd say baltimore i thought he was from baltimore no he's from wisconsin dc it's close enough it's close but he's not from baltimore no he's from wisconsin dc but um he's from maryland i mean dc and maryland i mean they're like right next to each other yeah and virginia's right there too anyway point being he uh came over here when he was fairly nude to comedy you know but he was a really smart dude he was always a smart dude we became friends like immediately he was a young kid hanging out at the comedy store and you know I remember at first he was like you know everybody's weird around people that are already successful when you're an amateur you can't believe you're allowed to even talk to them of course you get weird but then once you get past that weirdness you realize oh you know that's just Tommy Lawrence Tommy Lawrence what's his name what's the fucking guys from in living color Tommy David's Tommy Davis yeah confusing with Joey Lawrence for some reason Because the first time I saw Joey Lawrence It was like one of the first celebrities I ever saw Yeah And I was on the set of news radio And Joey Lawrence had his show Right next to our show And he's like He had his Mercedes there And he was like Had his leg outside the car And he's like singing along to his own song And I was like And I showed up And I was like And I was kind of starstruck I was like holy shit That's Joey Lawrence Wow And there's Joey Lawrence Like singing his own music By his own car Yeah So Tommy Davidson was another one I remember we're first talking to Tommy Davidson at the comedy store Tommy Davidson was like hey man what's going on man like he didn't know who the fuck I was I was nobody when I first came to the store I mean I might have been a paid regular but I might not even been a paid regular yet and then I realized oh Tommy Davis is just a comic you know like we're all just comics sure and then I always tried to be the same way with guys young guys like young guys coming up I always tried to make sure I let them all know like we're all just the same fucking thing just because that's Tim Ellen just because you see George Carlin over there he's this is a comic they're comics Everybody's cool here.

[1652] You know, this is a cool environment.

[1653] Yeah.

[1654] And Ari was like one of the first guys that I saw go from being like, you know, like an open micer to like a fucking legit headliner, like a real headliner who comes up with an hour's worth of new shit every year.

[1655] It's pretty crazy.

[1656] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1657] Yeah.

[1658] He was great at your, uh, your thing for your dog.

[1659] He was killing us both, man. Yeah.

[1660] It was really funny.

[1661] It's fucking howling.

[1662] So important to have good comedy, man. Without good comedy.

[1663] Our life would not be nearly as interesting, man. It wouldn't be as interesting to perform Because you'd be looking around And all this other stuff And you wouldn't be enjoying yourself Yeah You know, it wouldn't be as interesting to watch Of course your fucking clock is not right Brian Of course not The thing meows But it's an hour behind you fuck I'm looking at your clock I'm like, why do I have to pee so bad Yeah I haven't even been sitting here that long I'm gonna take a piss And don't let him talk about anything too silly When I'm gone Okay Okay Hey no silliness Brian So, Tommy, we should talk about your podcast.

[1664] You just, you just, uh, all right, this time is something really silly.

[1665] Okay.

[1666] Oh my God, I got, I got the silliest thing.

[1667] Poop update?

[1668] May 2nd, I'm in Toronto and I'm doing this show at the Underground Comedy Club.

[1669] And then May 17th, I'm in Portland at the Fun House Lounge.

[1670] And we added a second show at 1030.

[1671] How silly is that?

[1672] All right.

[1673] I'm going to be in May 3rd.

[1674] I'm going to be in Sacramento.

[1675] And then May 4th, I'm going to be in Sacramento.

[1676] And May 5th, I'm going to be at Cobbs in San Francisco.

[1677] And I'm bringing Sam Tripley and Tony Hinchcliffe.

[1678] Oh, this is silly.

[1679] And you know what?

[1680] I was wondering, because you've been doing some shows with your lovely wife, Christina Pajisky.

[1681] And how did that go?

[1682] Do you see a future of you guys doing on the road a lot now?

[1683] That's where we're doing the 17th and 18th.

[1684] It has to be great.

[1685] We're doing Portland and Seattle.

[1686] Oh, together.

[1687] Yeah, man. That's awesome.

[1688] dude it's going to be awesome see it this is a silly conversation and your dog theo is now better theo's coming with us and are you really yes absolutely and um he is doing much better thanks again for doing the show man it was awesome for you yeah that was really cool man actually i met somebody from a bunch of people from cartoon network because of that and really yeah what do you mean they were at the show they were at the show and they they were like oh you were great and i'm right go check out cartoon network studios pretty soon and maybe possibly pitch an idea to them that's a good idea, buddy.

[1689] Me and Joey Diaz's cats, maybe.

[1690] Miao.

[1691] Yum, yum, meow.

[1692] I got to talk to you about doing some shows that I think you would find fun and entertaining.

[1693] What are those?

[1694] No, dude, I don't believe in rabbits that talk.

[1695] Dude, rabbits that talk have been featured in many cartoons.

[1696] That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard.

[1697] You believe ducks, but you don't believe rabbits.

[1698] No, that's silly.

[1699] Rabbits don't talk.

[1700] They eat carrots.

[1701] Actually, I was really stoned.

[1702] And I was reading about who framed Roger Rabbit and how they edited out all these, like, the artist, like, you know, there's a scene where Jessica Rabbit pops out of the taxi and you can see her vagina.

[1703] And there's a few other scenes where, like, a baby looks up a dress and there's drool coming out of it, the baby's mouth.

[1704] What's that guy's name?

[1705] Really?

[1706] Robert Fleischer?

[1707] No, the actor.

[1708] No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, the actor that's opposite Jessica Rabbit.

[1709] You know what I'm talking about?

[1710] Yeah.

[1711] Bob.

[1712] No. Haskins?

[1713] Hoskins?

[1714] Bob Hoskins.

[1715] Yeah, you're right, Hoskins.

[1716] So then I found out that the only version that you can find that part in the movie is on a laser disk, and there's only one version of that laser disk, and so I went on eBay and bought it for $4.

[1717] Do you have a laser player?

[1718] I do in Ohio.

[1719] Do you have to go back to Ohio to get it?

[1720] Yeah, if you get it, just so I can see her vagina.

[1721] How do you buy a laser player?

[1722] Because it's not like turntables.

[1723] They still have turntable.

[1724] Right, no, it's like literally the ones that are out there are the only ones that exist.

[1725] What's cool about the one I got is I got this really high -tech, like five -disc, changer slash laser disc player and I was like this is like the best it was on clearance for some reason and then like two months later DVD came out I was like oh goodbye isn't it kind of fucked up that the real sound people the sound freaks say that music played over a record sounds the best yes laser disc is better than DVD but yet everyone went crazy on DVDs is it way better than Blu -ray though no it's not better in Blu -ray but what's better in suck it's there's no argument can't suck unless you have a laptop made by Apple who can't work out a deal with Sony I feel so weak when I see a fucking PC user whip out as Bluetooth or Blu -ray The Blu -ray players are in all the PC laptops Yeah, a lot of PC laptops are blue -ray players Don't you Apple fanboy on me, fuck None of the laptops today have DVD players in them Because that's Blu -Rays The only ones are the only ones are actually taking them out Of most laptops nowadays You take them out?

[1726] Wait, why would you take them out?

[1727] Why would I take them out?

[1728] You take them out?

[1729] No, no, no, no. Modern laptops, like PC laptops.

[1730] I'm not.

[1731] up on that.

[1732] But I did, when I was at my friend, the Google Friends house, I did see the Google laptop with the Chrome operating system.

[1733] I got to play with that.

[1734] Touchscreen laptop.

[1735] Yeah, but it's all non -local.

[1736] Everything's like stored in the cloud.

[1737] That's a horrible idea.

[1738] That's what supposedly the next Xbox is supposed to be where you don't buy games.

[1739] All your games are on a cloud.

[1740] So you can only play if you have an internet connection, which drives me fucking crazy.

[1741] Can you imagine sitting there going, I just want to play video games?

[1742] There's a storm.

[1743] What the fuck?

[1744] I can't.

[1745] It's dumb.

[1746] That's ridiculous.

[1747] You should be able to play.

[1748] if you're camping.

[1749] If you're camping, you set up a generator.

[1750] You shouldn't have to hook a fucking internet connection to it through your cell phone.

[1751] Imagine that you're camping, you can't get away from your Xbox?

[1752] I'm such a second generation guy for that too.

[1753] Like, I like people to buy that first one that needs all the work and then come through on the second.

[1754] Not me, my friend.

[1755] Yeah, I know.

[1756] You got everything.

[1757] I love your dedication to sing the Jessica Rabbit Snatch.

[1758] One of the, one of the episodes of this new show I'm doing is about computer simulation theory.

[1759] And one of the things I'm doing is I went down to a place that makes computer games.

[1760] Like they actually do like 3D scanning and they scan my face and they're going to put me in like this fake game that they're created.

[1761] Oh, wow.

[1762] Dude.

[1763] Wait till you see this show.

[1764] This show is, I'm getting to do so much cool shit and most of it I can't talk about because I can't give away any secrets or anything like any of the things that we found out.

[1765] But it's so much fun.

[1766] It's been really interesting because I'm getting to talk.

[1767] to all these like experts I'm getting to talk to all these like interesting intelligent people and crazy people too you know it's been like a couple of months so far or a couple weeks rather and uh in a couple weeks I've had so much fun man I believe 100 % in the simulation theory it's getting worse and worse and worse why do you say that like last night I've been having problems with my website so I call a dream host who's my who serves it and it's like five in the morning this girl lives in California she works from her house and she's just helping me out.

[1768] And you want to get your freak on?

[1769] Well, it's kind of funny he said that.

[1770] So I was watching this movie, Tim and Eric's billion -dollar movie.

[1771] You know, buddy got time for that?

[1772] Huh?

[1773] Nobody's got time for that.

[1774] And so in the movie, they're in this mall.

[1775] And I always find places that have closed down interesting.

[1776] Like, this whole mall is actually a real mall that's in Palm Springs and whatever.

[1777] So I'm like researching this mall while I'm on hold, you know, trying to get to talk to this girl.

[1778] And I found out there was all these pictures of this big Marilyn Monroe statue, where they took two parts of Maryland Monroe and put it in front of this mall.

[1779] Somehow it came up with Google search, and I'm just looking at this crazy Maryland Monroe thing.

[1780] And then so I'm talking to this girl, and the next day today, I noticed that she follows me on Twitter, or somebody from Dreamhosts follows me on Twitter, who's a girl, and she, like, writes me, she's like, you got somebody on your side.

[1781] I'm helping you out right now.

[1782] I'm checking in that, try to help your website out.

[1783] So it's her.

[1784] Right?

[1785] So direct message.

[1786] So I go through her photos because I'm going to see what she looks like.

[1787] One, she's a pretty Asian.

[1788] I'm like, wow.

[1789] So you've started.

[1790] started following her after she was following me right so I went through and I'm like wow she's a pretty Asian girl like the fourth photo is her in front of that fucking Marilyn Monroe statue never seen it my whole entire life and now this girl that's helping me out this Asian girl that's helping me out on dream host I have the picture of it you guys get trim therapy together in the next picture if you backed up one further you would see her fingering yourself with a Desquad t -shirt that's right yeah the whole time I hope so this whole time that she's actually the one that hacked my computer have you seen the pictures of Rhonda Rouse Rousey with a Desquod t -shirt on?

[1791] Yeah.

[1792] This is the fucking coolest thing ever, man. That's very cool.

[1793] Seeing Rhonda Rousey giving the thumbs up, the baddest chick on the planet.

[1794] But by the way, there's a lot of badass chicks on the planet.

[1795] There's a gang of them, man. There's some skillful women out there.

[1796] There's so many of them.

[1797] This new fight that they have, the new episode of The Ultimate Fighter with this girl, Kat Zengano and Ronda Rousey together.

[1798] Look at that.

[1799] That's awesome.

[1800] She's so happy to be wearing it.

[1801] She's so nice, man. She wants to come on the podcast.

[1802] podcast again, too.

[1803] She's going to be on somewhere after the beginning of May. Look how badass she is.

[1804] She has a fucking bed in her kitchen.

[1805] That's the way to do it.

[1806] Yeah, well, you know, she probably lives in a studio.

[1807] I mean, she, this is probably the same place.

[1808] She's one of those chicks that probably wants to keep it real, too.

[1809] I think, well, I don't want to say where she lives, but she's awesome.

[1810] She'll be back here again.

[1811] But she's fighting Kat Zingano, and they're going to coach against each other on the Ultimate Fighter.

[1812] And Kat Zengano just beat Misha Tate, who's another beautiful, dangerous girl.

[1813] And Kat Zangano, too.

[1814] They're all, like, pretty girls that can beat the fuck out of you.

[1815] It's really kind of scary.

[1816] But this Zengano chick is a beast, man. She's so badass.

[1817] She, her and Misha Tate fought, and the combination that she finished her with, dude, pull it up.

[1818] Kat Zingano versus Misha Tate.

[1819] The female fight, dude, I was watching it at my friend Aubrey's place.

[1820] The female fight, was the highlight of the room.

[1821] We were going crazy.

[1822] It was me, my friend Aubrey, and a bunch of his buddies.

[1823] He had like five of his friends over it, and we were eating Mexican food and watching the fights, having a great fucking time.

[1824] But the room went nuts when the Misha Tate Katzangano fight was going down.

[1825] It was chaos.

[1826] These girls were going off on each other, dude.

[1827] I mean, it seriously might have been one of the most entertaining fights I've ever seen in my life.

[1828] That's awesome.

[1829] You've got to see the finish.

[1830] Just look up the finish.

[1831] The whole fight was great.

[1832] And, you know, Misha Tate came really close to getting her in a heel hook.

[1833] It was, like, dominant grappling exchanges, and, yeah, you don't want to watch all this stuff.

[1834] No, it's...

[1835] Although the actual fight parts are cut off YouTube, but I think they have, like, highlights.

[1836] Oh, yeah, this is, so they're showing you the highlight.

[1837] You don't have to play all this stuff, because I hope it doesn't get us pulled off of YouTube or something like that.

[1838] But I probably won't.

[1839] I mean, I don't imagine it would.

[1840] Here, I'll just do pitcher and pitcher.

[1841] To just show the video, yeah, she beats, they beat the fuck out of each other, man. It was nasty.

[1842] I mean, it was like such a tightly, tightly contested fight.

[1843] And really, Misha Tait was probably getting the better of it on the scorecards.

[1844] But the end of it, Zingano hits her with that elbow and drops her.

[1845] And referee Kim Winslow stops the fight.

[1846] She's a badass, man. You remember the flying knee this one?

[1847] This is what excites me. It's not their girls anymore.

[1848] Yeah.

[1849] It's now they're like really highly skilled fighters.

[1850] They're not just women You know It's not just like hey And girls can do it too It's like no These chicks are bad ass Yeah Like they're not half assing it They're all going for it Sure And now that Rhonda Rousey Has become so famous It's like this is gonna open the door To so many female athletes And I've never even considered it before Start looking at it And you go you know what I always wanted to kick a bitch's ass Yeah You know Trapp him on It's gonna happen Yeah It shows starts in 15 minutes Justina Indeed it does Brian And we would know much better If you had a fucking clock that was more accurate silly bitch how dare you silly bitch um powerful kitty cat clock Tommy Segura you're the champ thanks for having you're one of the greatest humans I've ever met on my planet thanks you're a sweetheart too buddy I'm honored to be a friend me too man you guys are the best I love coming on your show it's a lot of fun well we love you too as well my friend and together we are stronger we are we're like Gingas Khan we take one arrow okay and you bring it in front of his troop and snap it, then you take a bundle of arrows, and he couldn't snap it.

[1851] Yeah.

[1852] Just to let the troops know, together we are strong.

[1853] Together we are strong.

[1854] But divided, we are weak.

[1855] That's true.

[1856] And I, you know, I talked about this with you, and I talked about it with Christina a lot.

[1857] It was such a cool thing to have all of you, like, just as friends, come out and do our fundraiser for the dog.

[1858] It was just such a cool feeling for us to be, like, have all this support of, like, you guys as friends, just wanting to do it.

[1859] And then the crowd that night was just, you know.

[1860] They were magic.

[1861] They were magic.

[1862] We love you guys, man. It was awesome, man. We couldn't, I couldn't love you anymore than I do.

[1863] You're awesome.

[1864] We appreciate it.

[1865] We really appreciate it.

[1866] And we appreciate you too, man. You know, look, we're all lucky.

[1867] We're all lucky bitches.

[1868] We're all lucky that we know each other.

[1869] And we've got a good group of people.

[1870] We're going to keep this party rolling, freaks.

[1871] Since there was no commercial coming in, there's none coming out.

[1872] Sokets.

[1873] Hala at your boy.

[1874] Hala.

[1875] Jihad.

[1876] Hay Krishna.

[1877] God bless Duncan Trussell We love the fuck out of you all We all are one Together one for all Something like Robin Hood said Peace to the guys I'm sagura .com We love the shit out of you guys We'll see you Monday with Amy Schumer Powerful Amy Schumer See ya Love you