Armchair Anonymous: 911

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] Dach Shepherd joined by Monica Lily Padman.

[5] Hi.

[6] Hi.

[7] Today we have times that people had to call 911.

[8] And I guess we should actually, if we're going to be responsible, broadcasters, add a trigger warning to this.

[9] Yeah, some of these are fucking scared.

[10] That's a good point.

[11] Just beware.

[12] Yeah.

[13] These are kind of, you know, they're what you'd expect from 911 calls.

[14] No one's really calling 911 to say that their birthday cake was delicious.

[15] Right.

[16] Like none of the stories ended up.

[17] Although the one guy did call and say, me and my wife are dead.

[18] I think we're dead.

[19] I think we're dead.

[20] I think that's what started this whole thing, to be honest.

[21] But no, they're pretty serious.

[22] But there's laughter.

[23] Yeah, we try to keep it light.

[24] I did expect maybe have a funny one that was an accident or something, and that didn't happen.

[25] Right, right, right, right.

[26] I make a lot of predictions after the fact.

[27] Yes, which is a weird way to predict the opposite of Nostradamus.

[28] You predict after the fact, and you're wrong.

[29] Retroactive prediction.

[30] And do we want to shout out the name of this, our song?

[31] Oh, yeah.

[32] I also, before I transition, I do want to let everyone know because so many people are asking, and rightly so, because it's one of the most incredible songs ever.

[33] Our theme song is by Mackison, and it's called Shinen.

[34] And it's on Spotify, which you're listening to right now.

[35] So you can easily just go right now, heart it, listen to it later, listen to it now.

[36] Save it.

[37] Whatever.

[38] S -H -I -N -N -N -A -N.

[39] Apostrophe.

[40] And there's a little link if you go on this episode.

[41] Oh, a link on this episode.

[42] Click through to see more.

[43] Please enjoy 9 -1 -1 calls on Armchaird Anonymous.

[44] Are you got to know, I'm going to keep on shining.

[45] Are you Abigail?

[46] Yeah, I go by Abby usually.

[47] Okay.

[48] Yeah.

[49] Made popular in modern day by Abby Huamback.

[50] Sure.

[51] There's been many abys before that.

[52] I know.

[53] Abby Lane.

[54] I feel like I was one of the earlier ones, though, I have to say.

[55] I think you're the first.

[56] I was definitely the first.

[57] And can we use your real name?

[58] Are you in any litigation over this 911 call?

[59] No, that's fine.

[60] This is not a secret.

[61] Okay.

[62] Okay, okay.

[63] Where are you at in the country?

[64] I live in South Bend, Indiana.

[65] Actually, I'm in Michiwaka, but it's kind of the twin city to Southland.

[66] Oh, I know Michiwaka, girl.

[67] Do you really?

[68] Yes, I used to go to Amish country and go to the...

[69] No way!

[70] Yeah, where they make the furniture.

[71] There's a whole little fairplex thing in Michoana, right?

[72] Oh, you're thinking of Shipschewana.

[73] Shipshawa!

[74] Yeah, but that's also near here.

[75] Okay.

[76] Do you know Sturgis, Michigan?

[77] I don't think I've been to Sturgis, but I have been near Sturgis.

[78] My parents are actually both from Michigan.

[79] My mom grew up in Papa.

[80] What are these names that everyone is saying?

[81] Papa is a fruit, actually.

[82] Oh, my God.

[83] I've never tasted it.

[84] Apparently, it doesn't keep very well, so they don't sell it in stores usually.

[85] Well, now I want it.

[86] Now, of course, I'm a lot of native names.

[87] Uh -huh.

[88] Like, Tocompsi, all throughout Michigan, there's a lot of native origin.

[89] Indigenous, yeah.

[90] Where exactly are you at again?

[91] Say it?

[92] I'm in Mishawaka.

[93] Mishawaka.

[94] And I was thinking.

[95] making a ship Shawana.

[96] It's very similar sounding.

[97] Well, this was a blast from the past.

[98] Okay, you had to call 911 at some point in your life.

[99] Maybe multiple times.

[100] We don't know, but we're going to hear about one specific time.

[101] This happened in 2017.

[102] My then -fiance, now husband, Kevin, and I were living in a house in South in Indiana that we were rented.

[103] And it was about five in the morning really early.

[104] And normally we would have been upstairs in bed.

[105] This was actually six days before our wedding.

[106] And I had been exhausted from all the wedding planning and stuff that I was doing the night before, very DIY endeavor.

[107] And so I had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room with our dog.

[108] And my husband was still awake sitting on the chair next to me. And he was working on music for our wedding favors because we were actually gigging musicians at the time.

[109] We were going to give out a CD of our songs.

[110] And I wake up to probably one of the loudest noises I've ever heard in my life.

[111] And it was unmistakably gunshots.

[112] Just many, many, many gunshots.

[113] Okay.

[114] And before I have a moment to think, my husband says, we're being shot at, get down.

[115] Oh.

[116] We're being shot at?

[117] Yes.

[118] He's identified that you're the target somehow, very quickly.

[119] I mean, he was awake, so he was seeing what was happening around us.

[120] I had just woken up.

[121] I was totally dazed.

[122] But when he said that, I just, without thinking, I just rolled onto the floor.

[123] Stop drop and roll.

[124] Right.

[125] Works for multiple things.

[126] It does.

[127] It sure does.

[128] It's kind of a cure all for all life threat.

[129] name situations.

[130] Very true.

[131] I wasn't really looking up, obviously.

[132] My face was like looking down at the floor, but I was thinking this is so many gunshots.

[133] Someone is obviously just shooting up the entire neighborhood.

[134] Like they've probably driven by.

[135] They've already passed our house.

[136] All the shots that we're still hearing.

[137] They're at other people.

[138] So we're probably fine.

[139] This is just a precaution.

[140] But my husband's like, call 911.

[141] And I was like, cool.

[142] And he said, get on your hands and knees.

[143] Let's crawl to the basement.

[144] Follow me. That is a tall order to crawl on my hands and knees.

[145] and have a phone in my hand, but that's fine.

[146] So I'm on the phone and I call 911 and I told the 911 operator there have been gunshots, probably at us, we think.

[147] And she goes, how many gunshots?

[148] And I said, it is too many to count.

[149] So we crawl around the corner to the basement, stand up in the stairwell and the police showed up maybe a minute or two after that.

[150] And the gunshots had subsided by then.

[151] I don't know how long they were going on exactly.

[152] It was probably less than 30 seconds.

[153] It felt like a lot longer than that.

[154] The police show up.

[155] They start asking us a bunch of questions.

[156] Do you have any enemies?

[157] Can you think of anyone who might have wanted to do this to you?

[158] And I'm looking around and I'm seeing just bullet holes everywhere.

[159] Oh, my God.

[160] Oh, my God.

[161] We couldn't think of anybody that would have wanted us dead.

[162] We were, of course, very shaken up.

[163] And the police were like, okay, we're going to get on the case.

[164] And I said to one of the police officers, is it safe for us to still live here?

[165] And he said, oh, I've been doing this for 20 years.

[166] Don't worry.

[167] They never come back.

[168] Oh, wow.

[169] What a line.

[170] He's been wanting to say that for so long.

[171] Then we went to breakfast with my parents.

[172] We obviously could not sleep.

[173] And because we were gigging musicians at the time, we also had a gig that afternoon.

[174] So we went and played our gig.

[175] And then we were exhausted and we almost slept at our house that night.

[176] But we were like, there's a lot of plaster dust everywhere.

[177] Like things have not been cleaned up.

[178] We are exhausted.

[179] We hardly got any sleep.

[180] Let's just sleep on the couches at Abby's parents' house, which by the way was like a block behind us.

[181] I awoke our.

[182] around midnight to text messages from my landlord and from our next door neighbor saying, are you guys alive because they came back?

[183] No. No. Just for your house?

[184] Just for us, just for our house.

[185] And so we dragged our asses around the corner and we met the police on the front porch.

[186] They asked us questions again.

[187] They didn't tag the second time.

[188] They tagged the first time.

[189] And I remember when they were tagging all of the bullet holes the first time, they went through the alphabet because they tag one with the letter A, one with the letter B, et cetera.

[190] And they got to the end of the alphabet and there was still one bullet hole left.

[191] Oh, my gosh.

[192] So 27?

[193] There were 27 the first time.

[194] And then they counted an additional 16, the second time.

[195] Oh, my God, 43.

[196] I guess they looked at shell casings or what have you.

[197] And they said that the guns used for a 380 pistol and an AK -47.

[198] There were two firearms involved.

[199] Yes.

[200] They said that it looked like two.

[201] individuals had actually gotten out of their car, stood on the front lawn, and shot up the house, like very intentionally.

[202] Twice, two days in a row.

[203] Wow.

[204] I know.

[205] So rude.

[206] First time, that's an honest mistake.

[207] Second time, guys, you're being dicks.

[208] This is really rude.

[209] It's so rude.

[210] And so then we were like, okay, we have to move clearly.

[211] But we had our wedding to get ready for in five days.

[212] Not a great time to be moving.

[213] And so a friend of ours who lived on the other side of town who had more space that my parents had to actually house us long term was like, just come stay with me, however long you need, your bridesmaids can come here.

[214] You can get ready for your wedding here.

[215] It'll be fine.

[216] So we did that.

[217] On that Friday, we had an interview with the local news, then we had our rehearsal dinner.

[218] Then on the Saturday we got married.

[219] And it was really a great wedding.

[220] And then at some point, we found out from the police, the timeline is really fuzzy for me, but they found out that the reason why our house was targeted was because there used to be an individual, a gentleman, who lived on the next block, who had a van that was nearly identical to the one that we had parked outside of our house that we'd actually been borrowing from a friend for the winter.

[221] What?

[222] They had some drug business?

[223] There was some activity, yeah.

[224] And so this guy, I guess, had just gotten out of prison and shot someone across town.

[225] And then the person who was shot their loved ones came for retaliation.

[226] And they saw the van parked on the street.

[227] They said, okay, he lives on the street.

[228] This is his van.

[229] This is clearly his house.

[230] We're going to shoot it up.

[231] Hold on a second.

[232] They needed to do some double checking.

[233] Yeah, that's a huge leap.

[234] You know, the odds you get a spot directly in front of your house.

[235] It was not a Pacifica.

[236] That's a great question.

[237] Bad guys don't drive.

[238] Cool guys drive Pacificas.

[239] They were driving it.

[240] Cool Abby and cool Kevin were also driving it.

[241] Well, that's true.

[242] Now, this is more of a musicians van.

[243] This is a full -size.

[244] Sprinter.

[245] I'm going to say it's either a Dodge Beachcomer or a Chevrolet G van or a Ford Ocano line.

[246] I don't know what any of those words mean.

[247] Same.

[248] But it was brown.

[249] It was like an 80s panel van.

[250] Oh, my goodness.

[251] So did they catch the people who had shot up the house?

[252] Last I heard they had made one arrest.

[253] The police stopped updating me. So I don't know what happened.

[254] I didn't care to follow up.

[255] I was just glad to be alive.

[256] That was five years ago.

[257] Yes, fast math.

[258] That's wild.

[259] That's like what you see in a mafia movie, where they come and spray the whole house.

[260] I know.

[261] It's one of those really unsettling things where you're like, everyone who gets shot, it's mostly someone you know or.

[262] Retaliation.

[263] Or you could just be driving a ugly van.

[264] It was retaliation.

[265] It just wasn't for us.

[266] If they had killed, you guys.

[267] Oh, my God.

[268] Can you imagine what they were?

[269] No, I know.

[270] And the trauma that I have associated with this event is not so much what I went through because, yes, it was very scary, but I kind of just went into like calm mode.

[271] But the trauma that I had was like afterwards thinking about what could have happened.

[272] And we could have lost each other.

[273] We could have both been lost to our families.

[274] That was very emotional for me. A couple days after it happened, I was so shaken up.

[275] We were like, let's just watch a silly movie.

[276] And let's just try to forget.

[277] about what's going on.

[278] So we were like, let's put on Flubber.

[279] And then Flubber is like bouncing around.

[280] So that's making all kinds of feelings come up.

[281] Yeah.

[282] And it's like blowing holes and things, right?

[283] Yeah.

[284] It's not like so bad decision.

[285] And then I saw Robin Williams when I was like, he's dead.

[286] And I started crying and I couldn't stop crying.

[287] Yeah, bad choice.

[288] And I imagine it has to shatter the previous worldview.

[289] Now in your life, sometimes you're laying on the couch and then people start shooting AK -47 at your house.

[290] That's still not a part of my reality.

[291] That's not even in my suite of possibilities that could happen to me. But once it's happened to you, then do you think, well, that happened?

[292] Now it could never happen.

[293] Or do you think, fuck, who knows what can happen?

[294] I'm weirdly calm about it now.

[295] I feel like I ought to have more feelings like that associated with it than I do.

[296] I think I've compartmentalized a lot.

[297] So it's not a thought that enters my mind frequently.

[298] But I do still jump a little bit like if hail hits the window, which has happened before or, you know, fireworks, things like that.

[299] I bet one element that helps you have that residual feeling is that there wasn't really a period of fear before that.

[300] It was just like you're asleep and then pop, blah, oh, get on the thing.

[301] Like, as opposed to being chased by somebody or whatever.

[302] I would imagine what you're probably looking back on is that panic fear feeling and having a hard time letting that.

[303] feeling go.

[304] Yeah.

[305] But it sounds like it happened so fast.

[306] And without any anticipation, maybe that's what makes it tolerable.

[307] I don't know.

[308] It's very curious.

[309] My therapist also said that possibly because my wedding happened so soon after that, it might have actually been a good thing because she said, number one, it gave you something else to focus on.

[310] And number two, you were surrounded by all of your closest family and friends for an entire day.

[311] And it was very healing.

[312] So I think that could have something to do with it as well.

[313] It weirdly did right size some things for me in the week leading up to the wedding because before I was very worried about a lot of little details the color of the cupcake liners for instance or like you know things that do not matter and I remember just going you know what fuck it everything is fine I'm still getting married yeah also I would imagine there's even a thin little layer on the day you're like god damn we almost didn't get here this is incredible that we're here our officiant was like and as we saw this week their love is literally bulletproof And everyone cried, and it was so great.

[314] Did Kevin shrugged it off as well, like as successfully as you have?

[315] Not quite as much.

[316] He's still dealing with some trauma.

[317] He's going to therapy as well for that, and he's doing some EMDR.

[318] Overall, he's okay, but it hit him a little bit harder.

[319] And maybe that was because he was away when it started.

[320] I don't know.

[321] He probably has different visuals in his head.

[322] Yeah.

[323] Well, for me, I think it would be, fuck, I'm here to protect this person.

[324] I was pretty defenseless in that situation.

[325] I don't know how I could have.

[326] But he did the right thing.

[327] He got you guys to the basement.

[328] Yeah, I'm so grateful to him.

[329] He thought so fast, looking back at where some of the bullet holes were, it was like if we had been in a different place at a different time or stood up or like if I hadn't crawled so fast, like things would have definitely hit us.

[330] There were some very near misses.

[331] Oh, yeah.

[332] 27 bullets.

[333] Well, all in 43.

[334] Have you had 43 altogether?

[335] Have you been to a car dealership since?

[336] or bought a new car, because that could have some PTSD.

[337] Like, what do I choose?

[338] Because that's sort of the whole thing that caused this.

[339] Oh, that's interesting.

[340] No, I guess I didn't think that deeply about it.

[341] Sounds like Monica thinks you might be a good idea to worry about that a little bit.

[342] Okay, I mean, I'm sorry.

[343] No, I have a board escape now.

[344] Oh, wonderful.

[345] That's a great, great car.

[346] I don't think any outlaws drive escapes.

[347] I think you're safe.

[348] You drive an old panel van, you know.

[349] We were poor musicians.

[350] What are you going to do?

[351] Thank you for sharing that.

[352] Yeah, Abby, what an insane story.

[353] So, do you guys remember, or Dax, do you remember a couple of years ago?

[354] On Twitter, somebody posted a song that was like a jingle about Monica's fact check.

[355] And you were like, oh, my God, this is incredible.

[356] I'm sending this to her immediately.

[357] How did the jingle go?

[358] I'm not going to sing it.

[359] But it was like, Monica Padman checking the facts, telling you what you don't know, Dax.

[360] She's serving up intellectual snacks.

[361] I do recall this.

[362] That was me. I did send it to Monica.

[363] That's so nice.

[364] Thank you.

[365] I need my own version.

[366] Maybe make it my ringtone or something.

[367] Yeah, it was really a celebration of you in all ways.

[368] That's so sweet.

[369] I had been listening to your podcast an episode a day or two before, and I kind of fell asleep during it because it was very late.

[370] And I woke up to deck seeing something like, musicians, get on that.

[371] Monica needs her own song.

[372] And I was like, boom.

[373] No context at all.

[374] But I took it and I ran with it.

[375] And then later I was re -listening to that episode.

[376] And it was you needed a band to write a song that was a Monica song, but it was more like a love song, like a rock song.

[377] Oh.

[378] I did not understand the assignment.

[379] You overachieved.

[380] You can't mess up any song about Monica.

[381] It doesn't really matter.

[382] I'll take it.

[383] That's true.

[384] That's so sweet that you put in all that time.

[385] Yeah.

[386] Abby, so fun talking to you.

[387] Thank you, Dax.

[388] Thank you, Monica.

[389] Okay, so there were a couple things I thought when she was telling that story.

[390] About getting the house shut up?

[391] Yeah.

[392] There were a few things I thought it was going to be.

[393] Oh, okay.

[394] Okay.

[395] One was, shoot, I forget the first one.

[396] Damn it.

[397] So in order where she was asleep and he was in a chair and she woke him, she heard a very loud noise.

[398] And at that moment, you might have tried to guess what that loud noise was.

[399] I thought it was going to be him gasping for air or something, something wrong with the husband.

[400] Oh, no. These aren't like, who done it?

[401] They start thinking like who's the killer.

[402] Well, I thought when he was like, get on the floor and crawl to the basement.

[403] I thought maybe it was going to be a surprise party.

[404] Come on with gunshots.

[405] Well, like he had arranged some noises.

[406] Oh, like home alone, recorded off of TV.

[407] And then it was like, oh, my God, oh, my God.

[408] Get down.

[409] Get into the.

[410] My mom loved that.

[411] Get into the basement and then, um...

[412] Surprise!

[413] And there was another one, but I forget.

[414] But there was like multiple times, I was like, oh.

[415] Hi, guys.

[416] Hello.

[417] Hold on.

[418] You're not coming through my headphones, so I want to fix that.

[419] Okay.

[420] I don't know what I'm doing.

[421] Is this sound okay?

[422] For you, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're great.

[423] Can you hear us?

[424] Yeah, oh, yeah.

[425] Before we start, I just have to say, thank you to both of you.

[426] Monica, you're a boss.

[427] Representation matters.

[428] And you need to own it and run with it because you're amazing.

[429] And Dax, you are...

[430] You're a piece of shit.

[431] Exactly.

[432] You are so incredibly open and such a guidepost for, I think, men, specifically, it's so important to be open and honest like that.

[433] And I just love you both.

[434] Oh, that's so nice.

[435] And shout out to my dear friend, Amy, who introduced me to you guys, like two months into the podcast.

[436] And she's out there growing your arm cherry orchard.

[437] Prostalitizing.

[438] Exactly.

[439] Where are you?

[440] Yeah, you're in a lofty area.

[441] No, I wanted to have a good view for you guys.

[442] I'm actually about an hour outside of New York City, northwest.

[443] I'm on a mountain side.

[444] Behind me is the Appalachian Trail.

[445] There's a lake down below me in a beautiful state park mountain across the way.

[446] What's the name of the mountain?

[447] Great question.

[448] It's Harriman State Park.

[449] Because there's a motorcycle ride just outside of New York at some nice mountain that I went to.

[450] Harriman is usually where they go.

[451] Oh, okay.

[452] So you have called 911, maybe once, maybe more times, but once in particular.

[453] I do want to say before we start the story, trigger warning to anybody listening, if you're a victim of a home invasion or an assault, this one works out and everything's fine, but the larger picture of the story is a little intense.

[454] That's a good note, one that we hadn't thought of.

[455] Yeah, we're not very good at that, Michael.

[456] And then secondly, this whole story is so simulation because the confluence of events is nuts.

[457] What's up, guys, this is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[458] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[459] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[460] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[461] And I don't mean just friends.

[462] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[463] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[464] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[465] We've all been there.

[466] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[467] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[468] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[469] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[470] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[471] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[472] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[473] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[474] So I grew up way far backs.

[475] I was born and raised in Michigan.

[476] I could tell.

[477] Smart and healthy and hearty, yeah.

[478] I left and moved away to school, and I never came back to my parents' house starting sophomore year.

[479] So I always lived in Ann Arbor, Ipsilanti, that school.

[480] And so summer of 1994, spring, actually, I decided to take a spring class, and I was super stressed out.

[481] And randomly, I decided in the middle of the week on Wednesday to go home to my parents' house.

[482] I was like, you know what?

[483] I got to go home work on this project, going to study.

[484] I drive the hour home.

[485] What town?

[486] Jackson.

[487] Oh, wow.

[488] Okay.

[489] Home of the state prison.

[490] Oh, my gosh.

[491] Is that what you think of?

[492] Of course.

[493] This is what I wrote down for Dax.

[494] When I said Jackson, he would say prison or racetrack.

[495] Oh, my God.

[496] Good job.

[497] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[498] My favorite part is when you're driving through Jackson, I think you're on 94 or 127, either one.

[499] Yes, if you're going north and south.

[500] And then there's signs and says, don't pick anyone up.

[501] That's hitchhiking.

[502] Smart.

[503] Yeah.

[504] And as a kid, you ask your parents, why?

[505] Why wouldn't we pick up a hitchhiker?

[506] Why here?

[507] Well, it's kind of your introduction to what's happening in the, penal system.

[508] Yeah, it's nuts.

[509] So I drive to Jackson.

[510] I get to my parents' house.

[511] We sit and we have a nice dinner.

[512] They can tell I'm stressed out about this school thing.

[513] And they're like, you know what?

[514] We're going to go to church while you study.

[515] And this is the first odd thing that happens.

[516] Is there a simulation?

[517] They decide to take my car instead of their car.

[518] So I'm parked in the driveway behind my mom's car.

[519] My dad's car, this is important, is in the garage with the door shut.

[520] So the only car you can see is my mom's car.

[521] So I'm sitting in a sunroom.

[522] It's like a 1920's house, two -story with the Michigan basement.

[523] The front door is like arched with a glass screen door.

[524] I don't know what you call those, like a slow -closed glass door.

[525] And the front door is a wooden arch door with a big knocker on it.

[526] Like a storm door?

[527] Yeah, yeah.

[528] That's what they're called.

[529] So you walk in and you walk immediately into the living room.

[530] And it's an old home.

[531] So it's not open floor plan at all.

[532] The living room at the time is all carpeted.

[533] And then if you go to the right, you go up the stairs to three bedrooms.

[534] And if you go straight, you walk into a dining room that has wooden floors.

[535] And if you go right, you're in the kitchen, you go left, you're in a sunroom.

[536] This is important.

[537] I'm in the sunroom.

[538] And if you're out in front of the house looking into the house, you could see through like slats in the window that there's a person in there, but you can't necessarily see who they are.

[539] So this is a part of the story.

[540] I've never told anyone.

[541] I'm studying.

[542] I'm really super stressed out.

[543] I'm home alone.

[544] And I decided to master that.

[545] Yeah.

[546] Yeah.

[547] Yeah.

[548] Yeah.

[549] Perfect.

[550] I'm so glad you told us that part.

[551] to ease the tension.

[552] Sure, sure.

[553] Let off some steam.

[554] Exactly.

[555] As I'm getting going, I sort of think I hear the front door open because it's a big wooden door.

[556] The knocker vibrates against the door.

[557] I sort of stop and I'm like, well, that was weird.

[558] Am I just hearing things?

[559] Is it the wind?

[560] And then I start to go again and then I hear the weight of a human stepping on the dining room, wooden floor.

[561] Oh my God.

[562] So I immediately freeze.

[563] I'm in a compromised position.

[564] I'll say.

[565] Also, totally fucking freaked out.

[566] I yell, I'm like, hello, hello, who's there?

[567] And I hear thump, thump, thump, not thump out the front door, fump, thump, thump upstairs.

[568] Oh, wow.

[569] Yeah.

[570] You lost your erection pretty quickly.

[571] Or?

[572] Or you sprayed out of adrenaline?

[573] I was like, I got to finish.

[574] Whoever it is to wait.

[575] Be there in five.

[576] Who is it?

[577] I did the thing I never thought I would do.

[578] I did the fucking thing that everyone in a horror movie does.

[579] I did not pick up the phone and call 911 right away.

[580] I'm such a pacifist and I'm a wuss.

[581] But in this instant, for some reason, I got pissed.

[582] And I was like, someone's in my fucking house.

[583] I walked into the living room.

[584] There's a fireplace and I grabbed the fire poker.

[585] Oh, my goodness.

[586] And I literally start yelling in the house.

[587] I'm 6 '5.

[588] I've got a fucking fire poker and I'm coming upstairs.

[589] And I start walking up the stairs.

[590] And I'm like, coming up the stairs, got a fucking fire poker.

[591] I am going to impel you.

[592] If you know me, if you're a friend or family member, show yourself.

[593] Now's the time.

[594] Yeah, I'm fucking going to impel you with this firebooker.

[595] So you get upstairs, and it's a long hallway.

[596] At the end of the hallway, there's four doors.

[597] If we're going counterclockwise, which is how I worked in.

[598] Bedroom, bathroom, bedroom.

[599] So I go into the first bedroom to the right.

[600] The whole time I'm yelling, I'm going to fucking stab you.

[601] I'm trying to sound intimidating and manly.

[602] And so I go into the first bedroom.

[603] I literally get on my hands and he's poke under the bed.

[604] Open the closet door, poke.

[605] Nothing in that bedroom.

[606] Polk, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke.

[607] Total horror movie scenario.

[608] I don't even know what I was thinking.

[609] I go into the bathroom, poke, poke, poke, poke.

[610] No one's in the bathroom.

[611] Going to the next bedroom.

[612] I look in the closets first.

[613] Then I get on my hands and he said, I looked under the bed.

[614] And I'm poking under the bed.

[615] Oh, my goodness.

[616] And I hear thump, thump, pump, pfup, from the bedroom I hadn't fucking started in.

[617] So had I gone clockwise, would have met the person.

[618] Immediately, I'm like, holy shit, there is a person.

[619] in here.

[620] I thought I was crazy.

[621] This is happening.

[622] And I run downstairs.

[623] And by the time I get downstairs, the front glass door is slowly closing.

[624] Okay.

[625] One door's wide open, was not wide open before.

[626] I had that moment where I'm like, this is a horror movie.

[627] It's a ruse.

[628] They're in another room.

[629] They're going to pop out from behind.

[630] Exactly.

[631] I'm totally freaked out at this point.

[632] I shut the front door.

[633] I lock it.

[634] I go back upstairs.

[635] And as I go in each bedroom, each closet, each bathroom, and turning on every light.

[636] Because as Dax knows, this time of year in Michigan, it's bright until 10 at night.

[637] And it's only like 8 .30.

[638] This is how I'm going to know where I've been and what I've checked.

[639] And then I make my way downstairs and do the same in every room.

[640] By the time I get to the basement, unfinished Michigan basement, that's what I really start kind of panicking.

[641] Like if they're still here, I'm in the fucking creepy basement.

[642] They're going to kill me. And I'm yelling the whole time.

[643] I've got a fucking fire poker.

[644] I'm going to stab you.

[645] Poop, poke, poke.

[646] Exactly.

[647] As I get to the basement, I hear pounding on the front door.

[648] And then my dad opens the side door with his key, because I've locked every door at this point.

[649] My mom is like screaming, why the fuck gets the front door blocks?

[650] Why are all the lights on?

[651] And I run upstairs and I tell them quickly what happens.

[652] And then my mom literally turns pale white.

[653] She falls into the dining room table.

[654] And she's like, called 911, call 911.

[655] And I don't know why she's freaking out.

[656] Because I don't live there.

[657] I'm not in Jackson.

[658] I'm in Ann Arbor.

[659] I call 911.

[660] And she's like, tell them what happened.

[661] And the police are like, well, are they in the house?

[662] And meanwhile, my dad's running around, checking every room, making sure no one's there.

[663] Doing exactly what you already did.

[664] He took my fire poker.

[665] Sure, sure.

[666] So I'm on the phone with 911.

[667] They're like, what happened?

[668] And I explained.

[669] And they kept saying, well, did you see the person?

[670] Is it a man, a woman?

[671] I'm like, no. I just kept hearing them.

[672] And they're like, well, we'll send someone out in the morning.

[673] And my mom is like, no. No, they fucking won't.

[674] And she picks up the phone.

[675] She's like, send them here now.

[676] You know what's going on.

[677] Send them here now.

[678] What?

[679] Hang up the phone.

[680] And my mom proceeds to tell me that in this southern part of Jackson for the last month, a man has been raping older women.

[681] and he has had five victims.

[682] He's a serial rapist.

[683] Oh, my God.

[684] Yeah.

[685] So the police come, they take my statement.

[686] And then I was doing laundry because, of course, I'm a college student.

[687] I didn't have any dirty clothes.

[688] And they're like, we want to bring our dog, our sniffing dogs back in the morning.

[689] All of us had to give them a piece of clothing.

[690] So I literally had to give them the shirt off my back because everything else is in the laundry.

[691] And then I'm like, well, I kind of go back to school.

[692] I have class in the morning.

[693] Is that okay?

[694] And they're like, yeah, no worries.

[695] You don't need to be here for that.

[696] So get this.

[697] Go back to school.

[698] go to class the next morning my mom calls me they have his scent from the other places the dogs traced him inside the house in the living room up the stairs into the bedroom that i did not check and the police said that because he had probably been casing the house he saw my mom's car was there he saw a head in the window thought it was my mom but it was me and when he came in i don't think he saw me but hilarious if he did not what he was shopping for did they ever catch this person?

[699] Yeah, they caught him like, I want to say two weeks later.

[700] Obviously, we were panicked that he might try to come back.

[701] So that's my crazy called 911 story.

[702] Oh, my God.

[703] Wow.

[704] Did that make your parents like so extra religious because kind of God saved them?

[705] Yeah.

[706] Well, my parents are freaky religious.

[707] So I added the swear words to my mom.

[708] That was curious to me. I was like, she just came from church and she's swearing?

[709] No, she wasn't.

[710] But the intent in her voice was, why are all the lights on?

[711] Yes.

[712] You're going to pay this electric?

[713] Bill.

[714] Exactly.

[715] Oh, my God.

[716] Wow.

[717] Wow, wow, wow.

[718] That is so scary.

[719] Very creepy.

[720] Super creepy.

[721] I get to see the toothpicks.

[722] I didn't realize people were so hip to how many toothpicks we ate.

[723] I know.

[724] Wow.

[725] Okay.

[726] You're not the first person to get excited about Monica's toothpicks.

[727] And you have one in your mouth, too.

[728] I know, but yours are piled up all over your, I just knocked one over when I hit you.

[729] I have a rabbit case of misophonia, so like your sensitivity of that.

[730] Oh.

[731] It's a blessing to me, guys like i fucking lose my mind okay that's good to know and have you done the 23 me and gotten the actual oh no i should though everyone makes fun of me for it but i lose my mind i know i made fun of everyone until the 23 and me thing when i was like okay it's actually genetic and not just people being intolerant but now i support it we're card carrying members tell amy we're so thankful that she got you hooked and that we got to talk to you and that she's out there on a mission i love it we're very grateful thanks guys thanks rob thank you thank you thank you so much it was great great meeting you, Michael.

[732] It was wonderful meeting you guys.

[733] Keep up the awesome work.

[734] All right.

[735] Thank you so much.

[736] Bye.

[737] Be good.

[738] I predicted in this case when the mom went pale and fell over that she was having an affair.

[739] Me too.

[740] That's exactly where my head went.

[741] I was like, crack her head open.

[742] Oh, and that's why he would have to call my name.

[743] You thought it was about a home invasion, but it was really about a cracked head open was why.

[744] What if he called and didn't even mention that there was a home invader?

[745] Right.

[746] That's a fun twist.

[747] Help my mom.

[748] Oh, what's this?

[749] Hey.

[750] Hi.

[751] Hello.

[752] Max and Donica.

[753] How are you?

[754] Oh, wonderful.

[755] Brandon, nice to meet you.

[756] Yeah, nice to meet you guys.

[757] How are you?

[758] Good.

[759] Where are you at in the country?

[760] I live in central New York, city called Utica.

[761] It's the city of refugees.

[762] It's the home of the half moon.

[763] That's from my uncle invented the half moon.

[764] You know, the black and white cake cookie?

[765] Oh, yeah.

[766] Oh, yes.

[767] That's from Utica.

[768] I love cookies.

[769] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[770] Utica Club beer, too.

[771] So the first beer sold that.

[772] after Prohibition by 44 minutes.

[773] Oh, no kidding.

[774] Lots of history.

[775] And you have a Utica something shirt or hat?

[776] This is just my hat.

[777] Oh, you had the opportunity, maybe more than once in your life, to call 911.

[778] But this time in particular, it was exciting.

[779] Yep.

[780] I called 911 several times my life, unfortunately.

[781] But this is the most exciting time.

[782] I'm a teacher.

[783] I teach English at a community college, Monk Valley Community College.

[784] Prior to me doing that, when I graduated college, I moved out to, Thailand to teach English as a second language for a little while.

[785] Came home and I had a creative writing degree and I had all these aspirations of doing writing things.

[786] And so I made a creative writing class in a kind of like a community school type situation, you know, what those schools where you can pay and someone teaches you how to do your taxes or how to like play guitar or small and dream pair.

[787] So I did one of those for creative writing.

[788] Lots of dreams and aspirations to get Bukowski and Ray Carver, Dorothy Parker, George Saunders.

[789] is that sort of thing.

[790] So I went into this class with all these interests of having great writing come out.

[791] I just come from college with peers that were writing groundbreaking stuff.

[792] And my first class that night, nine students, almost everybody over the age of 60 and looking to write stories for their grandchildren about gardening and pro -shaying.

[793] So not exactly what I was looking for.

[794] I said, you know what, we're going to plot on.

[795] That's okay.

[796] So my second class ever teaching, 655 before everybody's coming in, we're doing the pre -class conversation.

[797] Hey, how's it going?

[798] How's your day?

[799] Did you watch whatever thing was on TV last night?

[800] And this woman, she was probably 10 feet away from me, said, hey, you play, what kind of music do you play?

[801] And I started to answer her.

[802] And, you know, I'm full of vim and vigor and getting into my response.

[803] And she kind of stops in the middle of me responding, slumps back in her seat, and just kind of goes.

[804] And so my first.

[805] reaction is that she's pretending to fall asleep and snoring to kind of bust my ball.

[806] Right, like a little joke.

[807] Yeah, so I laugh.

[808] And then she continues doing this for another maybe 15, 20 seconds.

[809] But she's making a noise.

[810] Yeah, it sounds like she's snoring.

[811] Right.

[812] Okay.

[813] After laughing, I just immediately go to, oh, no. I call 911 and I tell them where we are and so a woman's not responding.

[814] We need an ambulance.

[815] I've had some first aid training for hiking, kayaking, rock climbing, that sort of thing.

[816] And that kind of kicked in.

[817] So I was like, okay, you go get water.

[818] You go stand outside to direct the ambulance.

[819] When they get here, you clear some space.

[820] The woman next to her was doing those little taps on the face and shaking her shoulder, trying to get her to come to.

[821] Like the grandma way of CPR.

[822] Wake up, dear.

[823] Right.

[824] So I walked over and if anyone's been around someone in this situation, you know that's not going to wake a person up.

[825] And so I kind of gave her a good crack on the face and their response.

[826] Oh, wow.

[827] If someone's unconscious, they're not waking up for you, just tapping them on the shoulders.

[828] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[829] This reminds me, I have a friend who was a lifeguard at Jones Beach forever in New York.

[830] 200 ,000 people come to that beach on a hot summer day.

[831] And I said, oh, did you ever rescue anyone that was drowning?

[832] He goes, oh, a couple times a week we'd rescue someone who's drowning.

[833] And I go, no kidding.

[834] It's gnarly rescuing someone that's drowning, right?

[835] They could easily drown you back because they're pulling you down, blah.

[836] He said, yeah, you kind of got to stun him.

[837] he said so basically that floaty we have the hard plastic floaty as you're coming up to them you hit them in the chin as hard as you can and it almost like knocks them out for a second so then you can get them in the position you need to save them and i was like you were regularly just balking people in the face oh my god and he goes yeah that's what you got to do so anyways it just reminded me of that i'm assuming it happened without need sometimes too yeah sure sure I'm not drowning.

[838] Wow.

[839] So I don't know that I would have the gall to smack a gal across his face.

[840] I'm impressed.

[841] In the moment, you probably.

[842] Yeah, this is one time my kid was choking and my wife just punched her in the back as hard as she could.

[843] And I didn't even know she was choking.

[844] We're in a restaurant.

[845] And I just see my wife punch Lincoln in the back.

[846] I'm like, what the fuck was that?

[847] But it totally worked.

[848] And then I was super impressed.

[849] I don't think I would have the gumption to do that.

[850] You got to do what you need to do.

[851] Desperate times.

[852] Okay, go on.

[853] She took it on the chin quite well and didn't respond.

[854] We'll say that.

[855] Her face is going through all the colors.

[856] She was pale complexion like me. She turned red, blue, purple, veins were coming out.

[857] Her eyes were turning red.

[858] And then eventually she collapses onto the woman who was next to her, who was her sister, of all people.

[859] About that time, EMTs showed up.

[860] They came in and they ushered everybody to around the edge of the room.

[861] They threw desks out of the way.

[862] They got her on the floor.

[863] They cut her shirt open.

[864] They're doing CPR chest compressions.

[865] They're doing the bag to get her to breathe.

[866] She'd thrown up.

[867] It was a whole thing.

[868] And while this is going on, the sister is standing next to me completely unfazed.

[869] Like, there's a production happening.

[870] And the sister's just like, okay.

[871] And she goes, she sure did love her donuts.

[872] Oh, she was diabetic and went into like a diabetic coma or something.

[873] At 728, the EMTs pronounced her dead, put her in black body.

[874] bag zipped her up and wheeled her out and drove off in a dark ambulance no no i was not expecting that i was making jokes yeah well now you can't make anymore well i don't know how else to process it other than to kind of joke about it at this point yeah it's insane it's so wild she died right in the classroom with us and we came back the next week the head of the community center was there and we had a mental health professional there in case people wanted to talk but the sister came back and she was with us My sister was diabetic, and she wasn't taking care of herself.

[875] And she just had a massive heart attack right in the middle of the classroom with us because of not doing what she needed to do.

[876] Oh, my.

[877] So it was a heart attack.

[878] Yeah, she had a massive heart attack right there with us.

[879] Wow.

[880] You were the last person she talked to.

[881] Yeah, so the last thing she probably ever heard was me laughing and then saying, oh, no. So I got to live with that.

[882] Well, everyone wants to hear laughter on their way out.

[883] Yeah.

[884] That's a nice thing to hear.

[885] I don't want to be in a creative writing class in my 60s when I go out.

[886] Yeah, yeah, getting to know someone.

[887] Yeah, that's probably not how you want to die.

[888] But it's what happened.

[889] Wow.

[890] I still teach today 15 years later.

[891] I'm still teaching.

[892] And students will ask me like, oh, what's something crazy that happened in the classroom?

[893] And I'll tell them that.

[894] And I say, yes, don't fuck with me because I bore people to die.

[895] Job interviews are like, well, how do you handle a stressful situation?

[896] Just don't die.

[897] That's all you get to die.

[898] Well, the bar is low.

[899] Yeah, exactly.

[900] After she died, we kept on with class.

[901] That day?

[902] No, the next, they called class and then they came back the following week with the continue that day.

[903] Okay, show must go on.

[904] Let's talk about the gardening story.

[905] Tonight's prompt is, have you ever been around someone who passed?

[906] Could you describe?

[907] They start writing furiously.

[908] I still don't really know how to process it.

[909] It's just kind of an interesting, great.

[910] situation and I can't help but laugh at it because here I was thinking she was making fun of me for giving her a long -winded answer and she was really dying.

[911] Yeah, it's an absurd situation to be in.

[912] I'm most interested in the sister in this story.

[913] The sister.

[914] Because the sister was watching her go through this and was like, she loved her down.

[915] Like talk about some with some resentments and then to come in and just go like, yes, basically it's her fault.

[916] She didn't take care of her.

[917] She must have been very agitated over the years that she wasn't taking care of herself, very resentful.

[918] That's a very harsh response.

[919] Yeah, wow.

[920] Brandon, that's a handful.

[921] That is.

[922] I have an inappropriate question.

[923] You're really sexy.

[924] You're in great shape.

[925] You have tattoos.

[926] A lot of your students fall in love with you, right?

[927] Monica, like this happens.

[928] Yep.

[929] Oh, my God.

[930] That should be another prompt.

[931] Come back to us when we have this prompt.

[932] Yeah.

[933] Have you ever dated a student?

[934] You have a go -to response?

[935] of how you tamp that without hurting their feelings?

[936] Just say, thank you.

[937] I appreciate it.

[938] I'm pretty self -deprecating and don't take compliments very well in general, so I usually am good at deflecting anything that comes my way, because that's what I've done my whole life anyways.

[939] Yeah.

[940] Well, you're so cute.

[941] I bet half the people are in love with you.

[942] Yeah, for sure.

[943] Well, thank you.

[944] I appreciate you saying that.

[945] Great to meet you.

[946] And Brandon, I like your tattoos.

[947] They're very tasteful and colorful.

[948] Thank you.

[949] I appreciate it.

[950] I'm a big fan of the pro and the cherries.

[951] It's nice.

[952] It's good.

[953] Oh, thank you so much.

[954] This is a completely surreal experience for me and having a hard time processing how to feel about it.

[955] Not the same as the processing how the student died.

[956] Yeah, yeah, not that same.

[957] Well, awesome to meet you, man. Good luck with everything.

[958] Thanks, brother.

[959] Peace, guys.

[960] Have a good one.

[961] Okay, so in that one, I thought the sister poisoned her.

[962] Oh, my God, really?

[963] She was planting the seed.

[964] Must have been that donut she ate.

[965] And she's just kind of tapping her, but she knows she's dying because she poisoned her.

[966] Look, we can't rule that out because based on the reaction, there was a lot of resentments.

[967] Yeah, a lot of resentments.

[968] Okay, bye.

[969] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[970] We don't have a theme song.

[971] Oh.

[972] We don't have a thing song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.

[973] We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of our Jerry's book and some suggestions.

[974] I'm a flyer rhymed dish.

[975] I'm the flyer rhymed dish.

[976] Enjoy.

[977] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[978] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[979] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.