Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Carlos.
[5] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[6] Hello, Matt Sona and Conan.
[7] Hey.
[8] How are you?
[9] And, sir, your name is Carlos?
[10] Yes.
[11] Carless.
[12] I see if I didn't have a car, yes.
[13] Okay.
[14] All right.
[15] Right, Carlos, where are you talking to us from?
[16] Where are you right now?
[17] In London.
[18] Oh.
[19] I'm originally from Barcelona, Spain, but I've been in London for 10 years now.
[20] All right.
[21] Let me ask you a question, and I have to ask this of everyone from your hometown.
[22] Do you say Barcelona or Bartholona?
[23] When speaking in Spanish, I would say Barcelona.
[24] Yes, I understand.
[25] But in English, I would go Barcelona.
[26] I love, I absolutely love it.
[27] when people are speaking Spanish and they use that, that T .H. Is that the Castilian?
[28] Castilian.
[29] Castilian?
[30] Yeah, and I love it.
[31] And there are some foreign shows that I've seen on television where the actor, the actress, is speaking with that specific TH sound, and I find it to be, I'll be frank, very erotic.
[32] Okay.
[33] Oh, it has opened many doors, yes, in that department.
[34] Oh, really?
[35] They find it exotic over here.
[36] Guess what?
[37] I thought so.
[38] Well, that's just normal way of saying thoughts.
[39] But it's still a little arousing.
[40] I don't know.
[41] When you do it, though, it's not.
[42] It's like the opposite effect.
[43] Then I guess it's not for you.
[44] I was aroused because I think God I don't talk like that.
[45] Okay.
[46] Thank God.
[47] So this is, so far, here's what I know about you, Carlos.
[48] you are living right now in London and you are originally from I'm going to say Bartholona and tell us a little bit about yourself what do you do?
[49] What is your occupation?
[50] I am a video game designer I'm a little patient started on television but thought down the line to video games would be more fun and I was right And I make right now little business management games.
[51] Now we're going into more military themes.
[52] What is a business management game?
[53] Let's say I had one of your games.
[54] Is this something I would play on my computer?
[55] Is it on my phone?
[56] It would be on your phone.
[57] And you would have something like a golf club.
[58] And in that golf club, it's basically a small capitalist machine in which you make money to invest money to make more money to exponentially make more money when you're into trillions, trillions of trillions, trillions of trillions of trillions of trillions.
[59] And it just never ends.
[60] You just keep upgrading your golf club to make it super expensive and people just keep coming somehow.
[61] Wouldn't I rather, why don't people just spend their time actually making the money?
[62] You know, get a golf club or start small, you know, with a little pastry show, Do you have one where you have a pastry shop or some kind of food item?
[63] No, not at the moment.
[64] We've toyed with the idea of making some food -based ones.
[65] But so far, they don't have as much traction as the military ones.
[66] Military?
[67] Yeah.
[68] So telling me about the military one, because the military is not into purchasing golf clubs, I don't think.
[69] Well, that's something that is not quite discussed.
[70] You are managing, for instance, an Air Force base.
[71] and you train the recruits and then those recruits go on on missions and you're also making the planes and sending those recruits into the planes out in missions across the world.
[72] It's very complicated.
[73] No, it's quite simple.
[74] You just put the money in.
[75] The guys come automatically.
[76] They graduate automatically.
[77] They always pass somehow mysteriously.
[78] No, no, no. I didn't mean it sounds like it's very complicated to make one of these games.
[79] It's I mean, nothing could be simple.
[80] than running a complex airbase.
[81] You don't go on the missions?
[82] You don't kill?
[83] No, you don't see what's happening.
[84] I love this.
[85] No, no, this is a new approach.
[86] I love what Carlos is up to.
[87] This is a new approach.
[88] Rather than first -person shooter going around corners, peop, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
[89] You're sitting there and you're getting other saps to go off and fight, and you're busy just managing a very large, military industrial complex.
[90] You're like Charles Manson.
[91] Or Vladimir Putin.
[92] I'm like an oligarchy.
[93] You're misnamed two guys that were running things, yes.
[94] We are making a tank game now.
[95] Those are the posters I had on my wall in college.
[96] Yeah, you seem to admire them.
[97] So, so Carlos, okay, you make these video games and you said that you were in television?
[98] I was.
[99] What did you do?
[100] Were you a writer?
[101] Were you a performer?
[102] I was a writer and director.
[103] on the first show, fresh out of film school.
[104] That was very, very lucky.
[105] I was also very lucky that the director was a classmate, but he was a diva.
[106] He wanted an assistant to bring him coffee, so they fired him, and they went and promoted another writer and myself, and they said, you guys went to film school, right?
[107] You learned directing, right?
[108] Do you want the job?
[109] And we said, oh, yes.
[110] So we took it.
[111] But eventually, we started working on a second show, and in that second show, executive producer that threatened to fire me when I refused to add a running gag about a fart joke.
[112] I said, we can't do better than this.
[113] And I was told in no uncertain terms that if I did not put it in, I would go out the door.
[114] And we ended in a 12 -person meeting, including the author of the books that we were adapting, which had no fart jokes in them, and discussing, should we put in the far jokes.
[115] And I won that battle, but I thought, I don't want this to be my life.
[116] I don't want to be fighting like this every day to get good work out.
[117] And I had the idea that in video games, I could still tell stories, tell experiences without this show business side.
[118] I thought I was cut out.
[119] It was the dream.
[120] I wanted to direct the next Avengers movie or something like that but i i grew happier telling things that maybe less people is is uh in contact with but they they can enjoy and i have more agency over it carlos let's be honest and i want you to admit that in every video game you've made there are countless fart sounds yeah that now you realize you were wrong and that there's just on the military base uh when you're selling the pastries it's just farts a hoi.
[121] Isn't that a game you did where it's just one person selling a fart and then it's more and more money to buy that fart?
[122] You know what?
[123] I would think that I would honestly make a lot of money because silly sells so well.
[124] Yes.
[125] It's still, trust me. I like fart jokes.
[126] Trust me. Today I just bought two 900 foot yachts and I keep them lashed together with gold rope.
[127] And it was all built on silly.
[128] I don't even like boats.
[129] I'm just going to pay someone to run the engines constantly.
[130] to waste precious fossil fuels.
[131] But that's my life.
[132] And I want to tell you that silly paid for all of it.
[133] So you're on the right track.
[134] And I think I'm glad you're second thinking this whole fart hypocrisy that you've developed.
[135] Are you a performer yourself?
[136] I am.
[137] I am.
[138] I used to be, I went to acting school as well.
[139] But then I moved to London and I thought, I have an accent.
[140] I won't really make it anywhere.
[141] I will be typecast everywhere.
[142] But then a friend of mine told me just this time last year, hey, do you want to join a drag queen course that I'm doing early next year?
[143] And I said, yes, it was a post -lockdown world.
[144] I wanted to expand my social circles.
[145] And I said, yeah, let's do that.
[146] And I thought this was going to be like a drag race kind of operation.
[147] but it was so much better than that because we were basically exposed to the art of drag like what?
[148] Instead of trying to be a drag risk contestant, it was like no our teacher, our drag teacher every week exposed us to a different type of performer.
[149] So a character artist a lip singer, a drag king and then he said okay, I show you all of this now you have five weeks to make your own debut act whatever it is.
[150] We will workshop of it.
[151] So we did that.
[152] And then we perform in a real venue with real people, obviously mostly friends, but still.
[153] No, no, but I'd love to hear, Carlos, if you'll tell us, if you're happy talking about it, what is your character?
[154] What is your drag character?
[155] So I am red velvet when I'm in drag and I'm this, the range, the range Spaniard that really wants to be listened to and and be famous and be heard.
[156] And so it's all bright red, but also...
[157] So far, I'm identifying with everything you're saying.
[158] Oh, you have no idea how much this podcast has influenced that first act.
[159] Like...
[160] Oh, what?
[161] So it deranged.
[162] I love the first word was deranged.
[163] It's red velvet.
[164] A deranged red person who insists on being famous and is sort of probably persecuting those around.
[165] Okay, that's interesting.
[166] We've got some pictures here from your Instagram that look incredible.
[167] Oh, thank you.
[168] These are tremendous.
[169] So here is, this is red velvet drag, the Instagram page.
[170] Oh my God.
[171] Wow.
[172] You look fantastic.
[173] Carlos says Don Quixote.
[174] Look at that.
[175] That's tremendous.
[176] Oh, my God.
[177] It's like Caesar Romero's Joker meets Don Quixote.
[178] Yes.
[179] These are, uh, who do you, who do you, you get to, I mean, the costumes are extraordinary.
[180] Did you help build the costumes?
[181] I, it's mostly store -bought stuff and then the whole armor set, because I'm, as Matt said, I'm the Don Quixote of Drag.
[182] That's the concept.
[183] That's great.
[184] And yeah, it was a lot of bot stuff.
[185] I just did a sketch.
[186] And then I had a friend from the course who was a sculpture.
[187] And he liked my sketch and said, can I help you make this?
[188] So we did it.
[189] We make an armor.
[190] And we made a horse.
[191] that sits on my crotch and that completely at -staged me during the act.
[192] I'm trying to be famous, but everybody just paying attention to the horse.
[193] And when it comes to a final lip sing where I'm trying to really express the best of Spain, a terrible Spanish song comes in.
[194] My horse takes over.
[195] I get mad at it.
[196] I stab it with my spear.
[197] Rip the head off, throw it to the floor, and then bash it with a gigantic bottle of ketchup.
[198] and then first blush it looks like you are riding the horse but then when you look at it a second time you realize the horse is actually emanating from the crotch exactly that's amazing oh I see it's a crotch horse you've got a crotch horse oh my god that's the face I make every day when I wake up this yes the delusion that is delusion that's not how I see it Carlos, I see it as a man who's meeting his destiny head on.
[199] That is such a funny idea, a drag character based on Don Quixote, and all that grandeur, confidence that's all misplaced.
[200] And then I love that your great battle is with your horse.
[201] That's very funny.
[202] Yeah.
[203] So this is how it always ends.
[204] It always ends with, can your horse's mouth move?
[205] No, but I make the voice.
[206] I just make the horse sound.
[207] Got it.
[208] because I love the idea of the horse confidently taking over and becoming the star that's a really funny idea why a bottle of ketchup why are you bashing its head in with a bottle of ketchup what's the significance the significance is that there is a song called Aserege which was the summer song of 2016 I absolutely hate that song and a lot of my friends here in London know that song and they try to make me miserable but playing that song everywhere.
[209] So I decided to own it.
[210] And that song is played by a group called The Ketchup.
[211] There are three girls who don't know how to sing, and they go by The Ketchup.
[212] I got to listen to this.
[213] Okay.
[214] Yeah, I think you would like it.
[215] Three girls called The Ketchup who sing this song that's supposed to be terrible.
[216] What's the song called again?
[217] I said a hey.
[218] I said a hey.
[219] It's terrible.
[220] It's absolutely terrible.
[221] I said hey?
[222] Yeah.
[223] Yeah, yeah.
[224] You're saying it.
[225] You're saying it well.
[226] And yeah, I just hate it.
[227] And I thought that the best thing I could do was own it so that they could, they would stop.
[228] And that has worked.
[229] They don't do that anymore.
[230] They're trying to find another terrible Spanish song to annoy me. Wow.
[231] You're surrounded by enemies on all sides.
[232] You know, your old job, they forced you out.
[233] Because I think, frankly, you took the wrong, wrong comedic turn.
[234] You know what I'm with you on that?
[235] I support you, Carlos.
[236] When you said fart gag, I was like, oh, that sounds funny.
[237] No. I'm all about the farts.
[238] I know, I was baiting you, so I'm not.
[239] I'm actually secretly with goarly.
[240] I like fart stuff.
[241] It's the lowest form of humor.
[242] That's just, you're all about the farts.
[243] Farts and poops and all right.
[244] Take it easy.
[245] Boo -boos and please.
[246] I like the comedy.
[247] I think, Conan, your catchphrase, your true catchphrase is, what a waste of everyone's time.
[248] Yes, that is, trust me, that has been my thank you.
[249] That is my philosophy and that is my mission in life.
[250] And that's how I look at comedy.
[251] that's what I want to do.
[252] That's why I kill the horse with a bottle of ketchup because people go what even if they don't get the reference because no one got that on that night but they just go what the hell just happened and I leave off that that I don't care that they don't get.
[253] Confusion.
[254] Yes.
[255] Reaction.
[256] I live for the reaction.
[257] Our jobs in comedy are to confuse alienate and dither away people's time Getting them closer to the grave with no positive side effects.
[258] Wow, incredible.
[259] You've really gotten what I was been after since day one, which I appreciate.
[260] Carlos, do you have a question for Conan?
[261] I do.
[262] You know, I know that your superhero persona was the flaming sea.
[263] Your stripper persona is Ginger Snap.
[264] So what would your drag name be?
[265] Well, first of all, you stole it.
[266] It was going to be red velvet.
[267] So now I have to find.
[268] a different sort of, you know, like polyester, red polyester, red.
[269] Polyester?
[270] I don't know.
[271] I'm looking for something other than velvet.
[272] Velvet's expensive.
[273] And I don't want to perform in velvet every night.
[274] Well, it doesn't have to be like a fabric.
[275] Oh, okay.
[276] Sorry, I didn't know.
[277] What would?
[278] I don't know.
[279] A lot of them are puns.
[280] Yeah.
[281] Right?
[282] You know, a lot of them are just like fun puns.
[283] They're alter egos.
[284] Well, help me out here.
[285] I don't know.
[286] I'm new to this world.
[287] I need to know what I want.
[288] would be um who do you want to be like um yeah would you have a persona like you know he's kind of you know the wendy's girl the logo yeah yes yeah i think doesn't she have a name wendy wendy wendy wendy you're you're the best sona you're the best i am not kidding that was not meant to be that does ronald have a name i thought she no i think i would be uh i think yeah if i mean First of all, I'd have to avoid any, I'd have to work out a deal with the Wendy's franchise, but I'm sure they'd have no problem with it.
[289] Who's Wendy?
[290] But I'd be, I would be, yeah, I'd be, I think the Wendy's girl, because I've got that coloring, I've got the reddish hair and Wendy's Nuts.
[291] Wendy's Nuts, yeah.
[292] Okay, Wendy's.
[293] Wendy's Nuts.
[294] I don't know, if I'm at a drag show and I see someone called Wendy's Nuts coming up, but I'm going to be like, I'm going to skip that one.
[295] You also don't know who Wendy is.
[296] You know what?
[297] I'm sorry.
[298] Okay, I thought she as a character was somebody else, but I just realized I thought the guy who created Wendy's was like Bob Wendy.
[299] Oh, God.
[300] I'm sorry.
[301] Carlos, you're seeing us at our very worst.
[302] I apologize.
[303] Yeah, maybe Wendy's.
[304] Is it Wendy's nuts?
[305] I don't know.
[306] Because I think when you hear nuts, you don't want to see that at a drag show, you know?
[307] You can be just Wendy's O 'Brien appropriating.
[308] No. No, it's got to be something else.
[309] Wendy.
[310] Wild and Wendy.
[311] Good podcasting.
[312] Is it pretty tight.
[313] Do you say Wild and Wendy?
[314] It's tough to take.
[315] A drag name is something very intimate.
[316] What do you say?
[317] A drag name is something actually quite more intimate than to file.
[318] Like with me, it was when I came with it, I went to a friend and I got it is red velvet this is great and he said no it's terrible it's not enough for a drag queen and it's too much for a stripper and I said well that's perfect for me so you need to find that glint in your eye when you come out with it yeah I don't this is going to take time and this is going to take time and we probably have to ask our fans to suggest a really good drag name that's a good for my character I think that we should do because yeah it's open source it because I don't know and I don't think we're going to get clearance from Wendy to use the name Wendy.
[319] You could also be like Pippi Longstock and that's very Wendy too.
[320] I don't even know if kids anymore know about Pippi Longstocking.
[321] Why would we need clearance just to use the name Wendy?
[322] It's just a...
[323] Well, because I would...
[324] That would be your persona.
[325] I would rip off her look.
[326] Oh, okay.
[327] No, I don't know.
[328] We're going to figure this out.
[329] We're going to figure this out.
[330] But, you know, and then I guess I'll have to, you know, have no choice, but to build the costume.
[331] and then perform in drag and in drag shows in London.
[332] Yes.
[333] Come join the House of Cupcake because our drag house is named after my horse, not after me. So, you know, we are a big group of performers and we produce our own shows now.
[334] So you're very welcome to join our next show as our guest, drag queen, whatever the name is.
[335] Okay.
[336] All right.
[337] I'm looking forward to this.
[338] I'd like to see.
[339] No, I wouldn't.
[340] I don't really want to see it.
[341] I'd like to see their show.
[342] But you don't want to see me in drag.
[343] Physical.
[344] Trust me. It's just so stiff.
[345] When you put the heels saying you change, it ever happens.
[346] Yes.
[347] Well, first of all, if I wore heels, I'd be six, nine.
[348] I know.
[349] So I really would change.
[350] But also, I make a very attractive woman.
[351] You do?
[352] I'm more attractive as a woman than as a man. Is that right?
[353] Yeah.
[354] It's usually true, yeah.
[355] Yeah, yeah.
[356] I make, I'm a very stunning woman.
[357] I'm statu -esque, and I have a lot of, long legs.
[358] I have legs that go on forever.
[359] I don't know.
[360] I've seen you with makeup on.
[361] Yeah.
[362] That's just guy makeup.
[363] No. I did that Japanese remote where you visited that district of Japan and you got that kind of...
[364] Yeah, but I wasn't in charge of that.
[365] And the Mary Kay remote.
[366] I would do...
[367] Oh, the Mary Kay, I killed it.
[368] I was beautiful looking at the end.
[369] Conan.
[370] I was gorgeous.
[371] Oh, you looked like you had been in an accident.
[372] Like, you looked really hurt.
[373] He looked hurt.
[374] Okay.
[375] Well, anyway, this is like a good look.
[376] Maybe that's your thing.
[377] Maybe my thing, yeah.
[378] Red mess.
[379] Oh, yeah, red pavement.
[380] Yeah.
[381] Just red pavement.
[382] Red asphalt.
[383] That's what it is.
[384] Yeah, red asphalt.
[385] I'm just someone, I'm a, my whole persona is I just wiped out on my motorcycle going 90 miles an hour and I'm wearing no body armor.
[386] Yeah.
[387] And I rode my face for 20 yards.
[388] Red asphalt and your tagline of your show is scared straight.
[389] Yeah.
[390] There you go.
[391] We worked it all out.
[392] Yeah.
[393] That's an act right there.
[394] Well, listen, Carlos, it was very nice talking to you.
[395] And I'd love to, you know, someday run into you either in London or wait for it.
[396] Barthalona.
[397] Yeah.
[398] Do you get back there often?
[399] I do, I do.
[400] I'm going for the holidays for a week now.
[401] Yeah.
[402] It's a good detox from London.
[403] It's lower pace.
[404] Slower pace.
[405] You get some terrific food there.
[406] That's paella.
[407] Yes.
[408] The paella.
[409] Don't get me started on the paella.
[410] Okay.
[411] Seriously, don't get me because I don't have anywhere to go with it.
[412] Okay.
[413] We have not gotten you started on it.
[414] No one, no one go in me to talking about the paella, because I've got nothing.
[415] No one's asking you to elaborate.
[416] You got the shrimp.
[417] Nope, nope.
[418] You don't have to.
[419] All right.
[420] Well, Carlos, very nice talking to you and continued success and create a fulfillment in everything that you're doing.
[421] And I hope to see you on down the line someday.
[422] Thank you, Conan.
[423] Thank you, Matt.
[424] Thank you, Zona.
[425] Thank you, Carlos.
[426] Take care.
[427] Thank you.
[428] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[429] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[430] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[431] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[432] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[433] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[434] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[435] Associate producer Sean Doherty, and Lisa Burm.
[436] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[437] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[438] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.