#58 - Jason "Mayhem" Miller

[0] this fight and people can say all they want about like Sakarabas old and he's definitely he's definitely he's definitely but dude you dismantled him yeah that was like the the most the cleanest most like precise performance of your career yeah i think so yeah i was just like all right do this this and this dude and okay okay perfect it was perfect it was just perfection yeah that poor guy yeah that's business you know it is business yeah i'm gonna get old yeah i'm gonna get old and hopefully he'll slide out before that guy after melvin manhoof he should have been like way way way way way way what's up man exactly yeah fuck dude that's business that's business it's like you know it's kind of like a guy i looked up to for so long yeah and and one of those things like yeah you know i i i feel a big respect to the guy and i feel like i a lot of my career is due to him so yeah definitely well for those who don't follow mixed martial arts saccharab is a famous japanese guy who was one of the first guys to beat the graces And he fought a bunch of them, you know, he fought, fought, fought hoists a couple of times.

[1] They fought for 90 minutes once.

[2] He has a legacy, that guy.

[3] Yeah, I mean, he's just, that, that is as legacy as legacy gets.

[4] He's a, you know, you list like all -time favorites.

[5] God damn, Sakarabas on everybody's list.

[6] Some of those fights at the end, fucking, always fought guys way bigger than him.

[7] That's what I mean, by what I mean by that is that, yeah, I like, exactly the mentality that you'd always take into a fight is what I did when I was younger.

[8] Yeah.

[9] So, like, I mean, you know, like, what I always, like, was, like, thinking that's what you know it built my what you have to be to be a fighter that's what it built my value system i'm like yeah you have to do that which kept me you know working hard and mixed martial arts all the way to this point you know like so i have to they say you want to fight them i'm like yeah i have to fight them right right i respect you know i can't oh no i'm not gonna i'm not gonna fight sagarado you know like come on i'm gonna fight sagarobics someone's gonna fight him you get win in what other place in life do you get to walk up to your hero and punch his fucking face what where does that happen you're my hero i get to punch your fucking face god damn what a trip that must have been yeah you know what i mean like i'm like man you're my hero but i'm gonna try to smash you right is that what is there a moment in your mind in the fight while you're realizing you're doing this or you so yeah yeah yeah for sure you were realized yeah because i remember the exact moment that i was like uh uh i got him in this one move and then i like put it put my hand on his face and i put my hand on his face and punched him and i'm like man i'm punching soccer a robber right now wow there's that brief like a little blink of a moment and then you went back yeah yeah i got to be yeah i got to be yeah i was like okay i'm a robot like i wrote i wrote for fight magazine before that like i'm a robot or no i think it was on my blog and i i wrote i'm a robot in there i just like go in there and like i feel like i'm driving a robot so i'm just doing this you know like Right.

[10] You know, I'm just doing, like, I'm behind my eyes playing video games.

[11] Right.

[12] You know what I mean?

[13] I'm playing Xbox right now.

[14] Is that the best way to keep emotions out of it?

[15] Yeah.

[16] Yeah, because I fought, like, messed up my fights before.

[17] I'm like, ah, you kill him!

[18] And then I'm like, oh, I'm tired right now.

[19] Like, what the hell?

[20] You know, you got to be like.

[21] You get loked out.

[22] Yeah, it's more, for me, at least.

[23] I know some guys have to get more psyched up, you know, but for me, I just know that I have to, like, chill myself out so I don't go with two bananas.

[24] So you just fight.

[25] Yeah, yeah.

[26] Just do it.

[27] I'm a robot.

[28] But every once in a while you've got to go into your crazy gene and get retard strength.

[29] And that's when you're in a bad spot.

[30] No, yeah, that's when you just got to get like, I got to like Hulk out of this, like Hulkomania.

[31] That was what, remember when you were fighting GSP and that's what?

[32] Yeah, I know.

[33] It's famous.

[34] Yeah.

[35] What's his face?

[36] Why am I blanking on his name?

[37] I don't know.

[38] Mark Lehman?

[39] Mark Lehman.

[40] Jesus Christ.

[41] Blanking on Mark Lehman's name.

[42] But what Mark Lehman is yelling, retard strength.

[43] And I was saying his corner is yelling out retard strength.

[44] Wait, you said that on the fucking thing.

[45] in the air.

[46] It became famous.

[47] Oh, I did?

[48] It became famous.

[49] Yeah.

[50] Retards strength.

[51] Oh, I remember.

[52] No, I remember the people like, they made retar.

[53] Because I was like, I wanted everybody to know.

[54] I'm like, his corner is calling out for retard strength.

[55] I'm like, you need to know this.

[56] That's awesome.

[57] Layman is the shit, man. Laman is, he's a, not only just, not only just a really good jujitsu instructor, but he's like a cool dude to talk to.

[58] No, he's a smart guy, man. Super smart.

[59] Like, the very smart.

[60] I know.

[61] Yeah, such a smart dude.

[62] That's why he's so in jujitsu.

[63] You know, he breaks things down, you know.

[64] It's, uh, he's, he's a, a fascinating dude.

[65] He's a character.

[66] I love that guy.

[67] Yeah, he's a fascinating dude.

[68] Jiu -Jitsu's filled with fascinating people.

[69] That's what a lot of people don't understand.

[70] They think of Jiu -Jitsu as being like some sort of a meathead thing.

[71] Nah, it's art. It's just for people that don't know that.

[72] They think that, though.

[73] But, I mean, a lot of the guys that we train with are like computer guys.

[74] Yeah, yeah.

[75] Or, like, guys who are not that athletic.

[76] Back in the day, like, I felt like jujitsu is this, like, exclusive and expensive thing.

[77] You know what I mean?

[78] Like, like, not many people did it, but the people who did it were like, well educated and right you know because they know right the latest thing right and it was brazilian jihitsu you know so when i remember i would be in there broke as hell you know training and then there would be like lawyers and you know doctors and chiropractors and whatever you know like i'm just like some poor kid like i would go to the gyms you know it is expensive that does keep a lot of you know what i'm saying like ah keeps out the riffraff yeah that's a funny way of thinking it right jihitsu super expensive yeah you know well not anymore You're talking about not anymore.

[79] A lot of guys have like a buck 75 a month, $2 .50 a month.

[80] Like, I read that all over the place.

[81] Two 50 a month, dude.

[82] That's strong money.

[83] That's strong money.

[84] If you're making like, you know, $700 a week, which like a lot of people are.

[85] That's what you bring home.

[86] If you're doing well, you're doing pretty well there.

[87] Man, but that's where you live?

[88] Where do you see that?

[89] Wait, wait, what, Jim, are you driving by right now, Joe Rogan?

[90] Well, it's not driving by.

[91] I'm like reading shit online.

[92] I'm, like, looking at people, how much people charge for judic.

[93] price is up online i think hensos are somewhere around there i think john jock's over like 175 especially when a lot of people use that as an exercise and i pay like thirty nine dollars a month for my man you go down there it's different you go down there you're learning you go down there you could talk them down yo you could talk machado down just talk them down just come on he's a cool guy i wouldn't i wouldn't i would he's worth everything and more he's he's great he's a great but i understand where people are if people are broke i understand no i'm saying if i was a broke Motherfucker, I would roll up in there and be like, dude, come on, man. Just give me some jiu -jitsu.

[94] Just a little bit.

[95] Just give me something, bro.

[96] And I'll, yo, I'll trade you out.

[97] Like six weeks out, don't worry.

[98] Come on, man. I'll pay you.

[99] Oh, that's cute.

[100] I don't like this new setup.

[101] Look at this.

[102] What's why?

[103] Why don't tell you?

[104] Because it's me and Red Band sitting here, man. That's so we can see each other.

[105] But now, but now we look like we're in goddamn aliens.

[106] Like, we're in the bunker right now.

[107] We're in a bunker over here.

[108] And Joe Rogan is Missile Command right now.

[109] Joe Rogan is like, I'm touching you.

[110] I'm talking about right here, buddy.

[111] I can't even tell we're in the same room right now.

[112] You shouldn't be paying attention to these electronics.

[113] You're just looking at the screen.

[114] No, the screen, I know, but this is what everyone else sees.

[115] No, most people don't see shit.

[116] We're in a bunker.

[117] Me and Red Banner in a bunker right now.

[118] Like, Joe Rogan is somewhere in this house.

[119] Joe Rogan is here.

[120] I guess people don't sometimes.

[121] They just listen to the thing.

[122] Most people are listening.

[123] Oh, my bad.

[124] It's a tiny fraction that people are actually watching.

[125] Man, but what about my.

[126] My screenshot.

[127] What about my screenshot?

[128] This guy is loud as fuck.

[129] And what is he talking about?

[130] Yeah, yeah.

[131] They don't even know.

[132] They have no idea what you're talking about.

[133] Yeah.

[134] Oh, well, here's the punchline everybody.

[135] It's the computer screen I was talking about.

[136] He's looking at the computer screen what the live viewers are saying.

[137] Jason Mayhem Miller.

[138] And it looks like taking some big shots since the last time I've seen him.

[139] Yeah, I've taken some shots, man. But, hey, what's the deal with the...

[140] What is the most you've ever felt like after a sparring session or after a five?

[141] fight like what's the most you ever felt like whoa yeah i just got to settle the fuck down after what's the most which fight was the most do you remember after a fight or a or a sparring session or i mean i don't know because you've had some crazy sparring sessions i had some dumb ones like like baroni you and barone used to slam it out i only used to damn box it out like man i'm like yeah this is fun like where you're like oh man i'm stupid right now yeah yeah there's a lot of guys i mean how many guys do you know that that did that too much and they're just not there anymore i don't know it's a few guys right i know one guy 42 i know a few guys yeah starting to know guys guys that used to be okay now they're not well i mean i don't really know nick diaz but but you know what i'm saying right if you don't know this has been addressed on a previous podcast with jason mayhem miller but there was a big incident at cbs where jason got into the cage and asked jade shields a question you got jumped by everybody and It was nuts.

[142] Nick Diaz was one of the guys that was involved.

[143] Did he throw the first punch?

[144] Is that allegedly?

[145] Is that what happened?

[146] Simultaneously.

[147] They all did it.

[148] It's probably the best picture ever.

[149] Me and my hands up.

[150] Like, what's up, guys?

[151] So ridiculous.

[152] The whole thing is so ridiculous.

[153] It was so unnecessary.

[154] It was so unnecessary on so many fronts.

[155] And we talked about this the last time, but we should bring it up again.

[156] I think it was bullshit that you got in trouble for it.

[157] I think I go, he got jumped.

[158] He got assaulted.

[159] Yes, he shouldn't have been in the cage.

[160] It doesn't mean you should be assaulting him.

[161] And I don't even think it's their fault because it's so many fucking people in the cage that shouldn't have been in there.

[162] You can't have that many people in the cage.

[163] So who are you blaming right now?

[164] Blaming Strike Force for letting those, you guys get close to each other.

[165] They should have been regulating it.

[166] They should have watched the cage.

[167] I think they were fucked up to jump you for sure.

[168] But I think the reason why they jumped you was is you were allowed to get to that cage.

[169] You shouldn't have been allowed to.

[170] They should have had it all set up.

[171] It should have been like how they would deal to the UFC.

[172] If you were going to come in and you were going to challenge him after a fight, you would wait.

[173] and then when, you know, Jake was done talking, then we'd say, all right, now I have a guy who would really love to sit down and talk to you right now, Jason Mayhem Miller, and you would come in.

[174] So it's, like, respectful.

[175] They fucked up by just leaving the door open.

[176] Yeah.

[177] What are you going to leave the door open?

[178] The dudes get hyped up and, like, I want to, I want to fucking.

[179] When you want to do something simultaneous on TV, when you're doing something on TV, so I'm sure you're thinking like, fuck, what am I doing?

[180] I'm going to get in, all right, here we go.

[181] I'm just going to do this.

[182] It makes perfect sense.

[183] Yeah, exactly.

[184] I was like, yeah, let's do this.

[185] Like, there's very little filter.

[186] my brain.

[187] Were you sober at the time?

[188] Yeah.

[189] Totally sober.

[190] Yeah, I was like, but, hmm, this is this a good idea?

[191] I just fought earlier that night.

[192] Right, that's right.

[193] I fought earlier that night.

[194] So I was already still psyched.

[195] I'm like, yeah, okay.

[196] Oh, so you're flying high.

[197] Yeah, exactly.

[198] So I was real pumped.

[199] I mean, you know.

[200] Right.

[201] I don't know.

[202] And then all of a sudden, we're getting, I'm in a bra and I tweet, whoops.

[203] So you start up this website, don't be scared, homie.

[204] Because Nick Diaz is, is it difficult to get a fight with them?

[205] Is that what's going on?

[206] What's the actual?

[207] Real, because I know this is I All I know is what I read on the internet.

[208] Tell me what's going on.

[209] Man. He says, Don't be scared homie all the time.

[210] Right.

[211] That's his.

[212] He says don't be scared homie.

[213] That's his little tagline.

[214] I stole it.

[215] It's mine now.

[216] That's awesome.

[217] And look, the guy.

[218] So you own don't be scaredhomy .com.

[219] Yeah.

[220] And that site is all dedicated to you getting a fight with Nick Diaz.

[221] Well, you know, to me I like, yeah, definitely.

[222] You are a. nightmare do you imagine if you pissed mayhem off and mayhem was coming after you oh no what a nightmare he's relentless he's relentless like you're you're in this it's not like it's you're just calling some random person out you're calling a guy out who's an mma fighter who you have an alter you know he fights he's fought so many times 183 he always fights there but then when it's me somebody he's talk shit about, like, for years the guys talked shit about me, and without saying my name, all these, guys, these F -bombs with, with painted hair, these Joe Rogan words with painted hair, you know, like, he's, you know.

[223] He said all these terrible things about you.

[224] Yeah, all the time.

[225] Why, so what is the, and, but, yeah, when it comes down to signing a contract, what is this, what's the problem is the issue?

[226] His, his, his manager comes on, on, and says, oh, yeah, well, if he fights at a 178, I'm like, okay, cool.

[227] I'll fight Alistair Overeign.

[228] He just has to make 190.

[229] That's it.

[230] I'll fight him.

[231] I'll fucking fight this motherfucker this weekend.

[232] I bet you live.

[233] A 190.

[234] He's got to make 190.

[235] Right.

[236] Yeah.

[237] I think that mic is loose.

[238] Can you push that?

[239] Whoa, whoa, whoa, do, dude, dude, dude.

[240] Ow.

[241] It hurts my ears.

[242] Oh, sorry, bro.

[243] There we go.

[244] It's loose a bit.

[245] Here.

[246] Just go to this way.

[247] I got it.

[248] I got it.

[249] Come on.

[250] Don't touch me, Red Man. So he wants, he's saying that he wants you to get down to 178, which is highly unlikely.

[251] You would be so drained.

[252] They want to do it in January.

[253] Like, yeah, there's no way.

[254] Jason used to fight.

[255] He fought in the UFC at 170.

[256] And he saw me. I was a goddamn skeleton.

[257] God, dude.

[258] I was a skeleton.

[259] It was the dumbest thing I ever did.

[260] You were so drawn out.

[261] Yeah, I was like, why did I do that?

[262] Like, I was emaci.

[263] Dude, you and I had a conversation about it where I was yelling at you.

[264] I was like, you can't do this, man. Don't, that shit is too.

[265] I'm like, this is too much, man. This ain't good.

[266] There's a lot of guys.

[267] man, that I think fight better when they don't have to cut weight.

[268] They just feel better.

[269] Like, look how much better BJ looked in his last fight.

[270] And I don't know if that's just the way they match up with him and Matt Hughes.

[271] But he just looked like going into the cage.

[272] He did not look healthy when he made $155 the last.

[273] And he always does.

[274] He always looks a little drawn out.

[275] Yeah.

[276] He always looks great during the fight time, but he always looks a little drawn out.

[277] That takes something out of you, man. That's a magic that you don't, man, it's hard to do.

[278] Like, you make sure to, you know, even cutting a little bit of weight is scheduling yourself really well.

[279] I mean, and, like, sucking the water out the right way.

[280] Yeah, exactly.

[281] Suck the water out the right way and, you know, rehydrate the right way.

[282] Do you use IVs?

[283] Yeah, yeah.

[284] You should always use IVs, right?

[285] Yeah, of course.

[286] Because I hear about some guys don't like to use them.

[287] I'm like, God damn, you know?

[288] They feel like they're doing something gross or they're sticking a needle in them, you know what I mean?

[289] Yeah, whatever.

[290] That's science.

[291] Yeah.

[292] Put more in there.

[293] That's the way to do it if you're going to do it at all.

[294] Yeah, because, I mean, you have to drop weight.

[295] That's the thing.

[296] What do you think about guys like Frankie Edgar, guys that just don't cut anyway?

[297] at all to just fight it what they fight at now I mean you know that's awesome do you think there's a benefit to that there's got to be a benefit physically right yeah for sure you don't have to cut the weight so you don't have to like damage yourself that bad how much do you damage yourself if you had a guess I don't know man I think sitting in a hot box for a long time will take years off your life for sure yeah yeah oh thanks he reached in adjusted the microphone like he was changing the collar on a tiger I had pre -planned it for like 10 10 or 15 seconds, I was looking at it like, all right, I'm just going to go in there real quick and do it.

[298] I even thought about, hey, Jason, look at that over there, and doing one of those things.

[299] So if you, let me get back to the subject, because this is a fascinating subject for me. Yeah, if you lose weight, so like, say if, say, what do you walk around?

[300] I like 2 .10, something like that?

[301] Yeah, well, actually, less than that, 207.

[302] Now, when you get, when you get to the point where you're about to cut weight, like, when you're in training camp, when do you start to dehydrate yourself?

[303] Do you take, like, just a couple of days?

[304] Three days?

[305] Well, two, really.

[306] And so when you start at two, how how heavy are you?

[307] I don't know, probably 203.

[308] 202.

[309] So you got to lose somewhere between 15, 17 pounds?

[310] Yeah, yeah.

[311] Wow.

[312] Yeah.

[313] And in three days.

[314] But I mean, but I'm already reduced my calories at the beginning of the week so that I'm losing some, like, salad.

[315] Like I'm just really light.

[316] And most of my calories are from like, you know, water calories.

[317] So I'm like hydrated, then boom, and then drop my, drop my, drop.

[318] I wait all the day down there.

[319] Yeah, yeah.

[320] I mean, I know it'll take some time off your life because I'm sitting in the sauna box with the damn plastic suit on doing hoppies.

[321] Right.

[322] One, two, three, four, five, six.

[323] But you think the benefit that it gives you a cage is well worth it.

[324] Well, I mean, both of us are doing it.

[325] So, you know what I mean?

[326] Like, both guys are like bigger anyway.

[327] Isn't that crazy, though?

[328] Yeah.

[329] Well, what the hell?

[330] You, every little, every competitive edge is, every guy is.

[331] If you're both trying to find.

[332] If you're both doing it, is it a competitive edge?

[333] Yeah.

[334] I mean, it would be better if you could just shake hands.

[335] You should just shake hands and both don't do it.

[336] Yeah, I just say, listen, man, you weigh what you way, way, whatever.

[337] Yeah, but everybody gets, everybody's nervous, you know, whatever.

[338] I know, it's a funny thing, it has to be like that.

[339] Yeah.

[340] I wish we could just shake hands like, yo, let's just do it like this weekend, bro.

[341] Like, you know, like no cutting weight.

[342] Come on.

[343] Like, let's just step off our bar stools right now.

[344] The cutting weight thing is, I think it's a very unfortunate situation where, guys are stuff you're not fucking doing it bro it's a fucking headache it's the only part of my job that i'm like this is bullshit i'm sure i'm the only part of my job like man i wish i could just go hey dude let's just let's keep it real right now right the fights would be better too right everybody would have more energy but that was the question like how much do you what percentage do you think it takes away from you say if you're at 100 % at 210 like this right now i don't know man i want to say 100 % i'm back i want to say that yeah i want to say that yeah i think so You get back to 100%.

[345] I think so.

[346] I've had it where I'm like, yeah, 24 hours.

[347] So you got it down to a science now.

[348] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[349] When I'm 24 hours, most of, I've fucked up before for sure.

[350] Like I've had bad equipment and that kind of thing.

[351] In Chicago, we didn't have a damn dry sauna.

[352] Oh, really?

[353] Yeah, no dry sauna.

[354] It's, you know, fucking sucks.

[355] Do you turn the heat on or something?

[356] Oh, my God, we're in there anyway, trying to sweat the weight out.

[357] And it took forever, and I was fucking dying.

[358] And I got to go five, five, 25s.

[359] but you know five by 25 you know but uh damn um what he called uh it's just like part of the game you know so what don't cry about it you chose his life right so you just figure out another way to cut what do you do if you don't have a sauna so you have to cut how many pounds of water are you trying to cut by the last day uh 10ish 10 yeah so well maybe like yeah i try to be make it like nineish but i i've cut weight perfect before but but you know sometimes it'll be a 10 or 11 and i've got so how do you do that if you don't have a sauna does new one try to trick you by we did it bro i did it before that fight yeah but you said you didn't have a sauna right yeah we didn't have a sauna but i did it would you do it was a steam room it was a steam room oh so you did it in a steam room yeah wow yeah so we didn't have the same thing right you sweat it out right is it the same It's not really, right?

[360] It's all the moisture on you.

[361] Yeah.

[362] It cools you off, so it takes longer.

[363] But, you know, whatever, I just work.

[364] That just mean I had to bike harder and stuff like that.

[365] I had to, like, sweat myself out worse, you know?

[366] So you think that after the IVs and everything like that, your performance is at 100 % of your capacity?

[367] Close enough.

[368] If you do it right.

[369] If you do it right.

[370] If you fuck up, I mean, that's just how it is.

[371] There's a fucking science this shit, you know?

[372] Of course.

[373] I mean, but, you know, and my man, like, my coach knows how much I sweat.

[374] Like, he's like, oh, we got it timed out about right.

[375] Like, oh, he's got to do.

[376] this.

[377] Right.

[378] You know what I mean?

[379] Like we time it.

[380] Because everybody is different, right?

[381] Yeah, for sure.

[382] And a good coach has to recognize that and be working with a bunch of different guys to see a bunch of different variables.

[383] Yeah, different swell.

[384] Like there's some dudes you can't really cut that much weight.

[385] They get to a certain point, their body just don't work anymore.

[386] Yeah.

[387] And some dudes can do it, some dudes can do huge superhuman amounts.

[388] Yeah.

[389] You know, like Tiago Alvese, like Glacin T. Bow, what the fuck, dude?

[390] Yeah.

[391] Glacin T. T. Bao fights at 155 and the dude is huge.

[392] He's gigantic.

[393] When he gets in the cage, he He's got these bodybuilder arms and back and shit.

[394] And you're like, this motherfucker weighs 155?

[395] He looks like he's easily 185.

[396] He looks like he's 30 pounds heavier.

[397] I mean, I don't know what he actually weighs when he gets in the cage.

[398] They do that with boxing.

[399] They make the guys weigh in the day of.

[400] I don't think they want to see those numbers in the UFC.

[401] I know.

[402] They're so different.

[403] I don't think they want to see no 30s.

[404] Yeah, right.

[405] You might see a 30 with Tiago Alves.

[406] You would, yeah.

[407] You might see a 30.

[408] You might see a 200, 200 pound welterweight.

[409] Holy shit, dude.

[410] That's a lot of goddamn weight to lose.

[411] I don't know how these guys do it.

[412] They all have different methods, and every camp has, like, their own dude who's the master at that shit.

[413] What camp is the best at cutting weight?

[414] Some camps that are just known for cutting tremendous amounts of weight, like ATT.

[415] They're known American top team.

[416] They're known for doing it.

[417] They cut a lot of weight?

[418] I don't know.

[419] Do they have a guy?

[420] How does that work?

[421] Do they have, like, one guy who's, like, the master trainer and master weight cut strategist?

[422] I don't know.

[423] How do you guys do it?

[424] I guess there, yeah, I guess Ryan, yeah, Ryan, he was, more so you need somebody who can, because you kind of know yourself.

[425] Mm -hmm.

[426] So, moreover, you need somebody to, like, know exactly when to do it, like be your coach, you know what I mean, through it.

[427] So, and Ryan, he knows how to, you know, to do it.

[428] You guys have such an interesting relationship.

[429] Now, for people to know, Ryan is, Ryan Parsons is, he's been around for, you know, many, many years, coach some of the, you know, great guys in the business, spend a lot of time with Dan Henderson and Randy Couture.

[430] And he's a, he's a brilliant guy, a very, very brilliant guy.

[431] And he's a manager and trainer to you and just a couple other fighters.

[432] You and King Mo and this new guy, what's his name, Pat?

[433] Yeah, Pat.

[434] Yeah, Pat coming.

[435] Durkin.

[436] And just a few, he works with just a few guys.

[437] You guys have like this incredibly tight relationship, man. That's a trip, you know?

[438] Good guy.

[439] Great guy.

[440] Yeah.

[441] Great guy.

[442] but the whole setup the way you guys have it you know like this one guy running around training and managing this fucking select group of killers and guiding them yeah it's a interesting situation it is it's great it's like you know we uh tight tight knit group and we all train hard and whatever you know it's like uh we don't need to open the floodgates and right right yeah individualized attention is definitely better right yeah yeah definitely and a core tight group that you can totally completely count on yeah yeah yeah that's the team you know we're a team but we're not like hey everybody come hang out with us and try with us right right we're like we're a tight -knit team yeah for people who don't know like you're you're such a wild dude you're always crazy and yelling and shit but you're very disciplined you know and that's what people probably either wouldn't expect or don't understand you're very disciplined like even though you're wild hard man you don't show up for fights out of shape you know i mean maybe there's one or two times in your whole career where you haven't taken someone as seriously as you should have True.

[443] But you're pretty goddamn discipline.

[444] Yeah.

[445] I am.

[446] I'm a dork.

[447] I like, I want to play video games.

[448] Right, but look how much time you spend training.

[449] Yeah, exactly.

[450] No, but what I'm saying is you go train and then you play video games.

[451] And then you train and bag.

[452] That's the, that's like, yeah, I'm going to play video games after this.

[453] Or, you know, yeah, that's my reward or, you know, whatever.

[454] Like, I don't know.

[455] I like to read and write stuff.

[456] It's easier to live that way.

[457] So going back to this Nick Diaz thing.

[458] So you've been trying so hard to get this fight.

[459] and what are they saying they're just saying no they're saying no they're saying no they're saying no because yeah 170 that's saying no that's saying no 178 is saying no but he's fought 183 yeah plenty of times and then it's just to be Scott Smith he's brought Frank Shamrock who else did he fight that way I don't know guys that he could beat up but he can't beat me up this is a fucking very important fight for you huh yeah I mean I don't know I'm angry about the whole thing Like, I'm like, I need this.

[460] Right.

[461] Like, I'm going to beat you up.

[462] Right.

[463] You shouldn't have jumped me. I'm a nice guy.

[464] He bullied me. He bullied me. Right.

[465] He bullied me. You need to beat him down.

[466] Yeah, bully beat down.

[467] That's right.

[468] Oh yeah, Thursdays at 1030.

[469] By the way.

[470] I need Thursdays at 1030.

[471] On MTV.

[472] There's a clip from season three, which is fantastic that you should watch.

[473] What?

[474] The one of you beat up there, dude.

[475] Where you got in there?

[476] You got in the ring.

[477] Oh, wait.

[478] Tweet it at me, bro.

[479] Why don't you talk?

[480] tweet me, bro.

[481] I did.

[482] I tweeted it today.

[483] Did you tweet it today?

[484] Yeah.

[485] I'm looking back through Redband.

[486] And if you didn't tweet it today, I'll show you.

[487] I'm going to get so bummed right now.

[488] I tweeted it today.

[489] Actually, somebody tweeted it to me and I retweeted it.

[490] Oh, so you just gave me a retweet?

[491] Listen, man. That's just as good.

[492] I don't know, bro.

[493] If it doesn't have your name on it, I feel a little fucking hurt.

[494] It does have your name on it.

[495] See, look, I'll show it to you right here.

[496] No, it doesn't have your name on.

[497] Joe Rogan, Red Bam.

[498] Have you seen Mayam Miller beat down this bully?

[499] Huge slams and grapple.

[500] laying ground, effortless submissions.

[501] Yo, actually, bro, I put the guy on a philatine.

[502] Phil Barone, you used to have this.

[503] I don't know if he still does it.

[504] I hope he still does it.

[505] If he still does it, he's going to break someone's neck.

[506] He does a front headlock choke, but you keep your, you keep your belly on top of his head so you can lift him off the ground with his neck.

[507] Scott Jorgensen did that in the W .C. He filetined somebody?

[508] It's like a front chook.

[509] Linlund does it too, right?

[510] Yeah, kind of.

[511] Yeah, yeah, kind of Yeah, man And you just jujitsu dorked everybody I just realized I jujitsu nerded everybody right now My bad Me and you are like fucking Sorry everybody That wasn't very You guys don't get that joke It's a technique Yeah, we were totally indescriptive Yeah, we were You get a guy under You get your hands locked under his chin And then you place your body, your belly Over the top of the back of his head And as you lift him up His neck is basically trapped against your chest cavity you kind of flies yeah you hoist him up in the air by his fucking neck it's a gnarly and it's very hard to stop if a guy a strong guy strong wrestler gets that shit locked up it's like a backwards row yeah it's just go like this it's nasty it's nasty oh man I'm sorry I'm sorry Eric Eric Eric last time he was Chris right I know no no he was Chris and he called them Chris and then he was Chris on the message board for like weeks afterwards people just kept fucking torturing I'm calling him Chris I'm Chris I'm Eric Chris I'm Eric I'm Christy Let's play nice nice Mr. Miller So when you do that show I mean without giving away too much Of how the show is done What do you mean?

[512] That episode was amazing Oh yeah Tweeted at me again and I'll tweet it back at you And we'll fucking do a double tweet back right now I mean I had never been so happy That was, like, one of the most happiest episodes ever.

[513] This was the question.

[514] Like, how much is that coached?

[515] Is that kid just being a douchey, that's his duchy self?

[516] Is that real?

[517] Dude.

[518] It's totally real.

[519] Nobody tells him, listen, let's ham it up for the camera.

[520] We could go, let's, we're beating up mentally disabled people.

[521] I'm just joking.

[522] I'm just joking.

[523] Oh, man. No, I don't know.

[524] These guys are just, you know.

[525] They're just super cockled.

[526] They're knuckleheads, yeah.

[527] They're knuckleheads.

[528] So everybody has a knockout on the block, man. What's this joke?

[529] So this kid, this kid who got in there with you, this kid has no martial arts experience.

[530] The best part about the whole thing is that the guy called me out too.

[531] And I was like, man, what a coincidence.

[532] I was like, hey, buddy, what a coincidence.

[533] Like, you're like, and you're next, bro.

[534] And I'm like, I'm next.

[535] I'm like, yeah, I am next because there's nobody in front of me. Because, you know, he doesn't know.

[536] He doesn't know that it's me. And I like busted out.

[537] Man, it's a great episode.

[538] It's like a feel.

[539] I watched it.

[540] Oh, you did?

[541] Yeah.

[542] Yeah, I watched it.

[543] Whatever.

[544] It was like a tiger in a mouse.

[545] You beat the fuck out of that kid.

[546] You manhandle him.

[547] But what people don't know is you were being very nice.

[548] Yeah, yeah.

[549] I was being, no, I was being surgical.

[550] Sergical.

[551] I was like, I was like being surgical.

[552] Like, I was like, all right, here he comes.

[553] I'm going to just going to.

[554] Even when you punched and kicked him.

[555] Yeah.

[556] I could see you weren't kicking him that hard.

[557] I just go give him one, one good one.

[558] That was it.

[559] Like, I knew I could not, you're not going to hurt him real bad if you just kick his leg.

[560] Right.

[561] You're like, oh, my leg.

[562] Yeah.

[563] And by the end of it, he was like, okay, I'm over this.

[564] And you hit him with a body kick as I would stop them?

[565] Yeah, the first thing I did, yeah, yeah, I hit him with a body kick.

[566] I just let him come and kick them to the body kick.

[567] Yeah, and you didn't even hit him that hard.

[568] No, no, no, it was with the shin pads on too.

[569] I'm like, man, come on, dude.

[570] I was like, really?

[571] It's kind of crazy, though, that you could ever get in a situation where a kid, who's just some punk bully kid, could ever get into a situation where he's on television and he's fighting you.

[572] Well, welcome.

[573] To America.

[574] What a fucking crazy.

[575] Who sanctions this shit?

[576] Who says this is okay?

[577] It's because it's a sparring session?

[578] Is that what it is?

[579] Yeah, we're in sparring gear.

[580] Because you easily could have been the Strike Force champion.

[581] If you had 10 more seconds in that round when you had chase back.

[582] I say three.

[583] Really?

[584] You think you haven't?

[585] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[586] You had it dark.

[587] He was turning it purple, the whole deal.

[588] I mean, so, okay, you could have potentially been a world champion, and you're allowed to just get in there and beat the fuck out of some kid who's never really sparred, never really fought before, never competed.

[589] Yeah.

[590] It was beautiful.

[591] Well, poor fuck That kid He might just I feel like there's some professional Turn into a gay hooker now He might just You know what I'm saying I mean when somebody just A tranny hookers You think that he would be the hottest He might have so little self -esteem He might just start Just give up on life Ah come on America That shit would devastate you dude I saw you on dark You're a young man You think you're the shit Sorry you're a young man You think you're the shit And you know you're an asshole And you're an asshole And these guys He's really an assail told to those guys, that wasn't bullshit?

[592] If he, if he, if, if this guy grows from it.

[593] Well, there you go.

[594] I'm doing the service.

[595] If he grows from it.

[596] Yeah, if he grows from it.

[597] He seems like it did too.

[598] Yeah, it's like grows or it's going to kill you.

[599] You get two options.

[600] I mean, yeah.

[601] Wait, are you trying to say that one of my contestants is going to go jump off a bridge because we got beat up on MTV's bully beatdown.

[602] I think a lot of 30 days.

[603] A lot of douchebags are in utter pain.

[604] And that's why they're douchebags.

[605] Oh, of course.

[606] Any big, huge, devastating thing like this.

[607] go one or two ways.

[608] They could either learn from it and grow from it and realize they were being a shithead or they just become devastated.

[609] Oh my God.

[610] You just hit the rocks like this.

[611] You're making me depressed about my job, Joe Rogan.

[612] Just hit the rocks like this.

[613] Boom.

[614] That's just life.

[615] What?

[616] You think they're going to jump off into a harbor of some sort?

[617] No, I think they're in a boat, a speed boat, and they're headed towards the cliff.

[618] They don't even bother.

[619] I was thinking they're slowing down.

[620] You know what I think it's going to happen.

[621] I think is that kick guy's going to go and beat the fuck out of those two guys that put on the show now.

[622] I think he's going to be a super bowling now and he's going to hate things.

[623] even more and fucking steal money and then I'll fight him in a cage to the death with a tire iron and a trash can lid as a shield wow so tell us this out so would you have like one of those leather straps inside the trash man are you kidding me why the hell not like I don't want to hold the trash can handle right you would want to you'd want to customize that to cover it around yeah actually maybe we could do like pipes like pipes like they look cool you know like isn't it crazy that just a thousand years ago that's how they were rocking it they had a shield and a sword and that's how you took over a town yeah fucking a man could you imagine i'm just trying to think what in a thousand years from now just trying to yeah just trying to mind your own business just chilling hanging out with your wife and kids and you see over the horizon a group of men with swords and shields yeah you're like these motherfuckers and they're just going to come and everybody they don't know they're going to fuck or kill what is it going to be fuck or kill fuck or kill fuck or kill fuck or kill fuck or kill then kill kill then fuck that's the whole deal I think it sucked no matter who's coming over the hill trying to fuck or kill you it's amazing that people didn't just I mean I think there would be what back then what are talking about get out of here the medieval days when people are hacking each other with swords it's amazing people didn't say I'm just gonna jump off a fucking cliff life sucks this is ridiculous everywhere we go these fucking ports of barbarians coming over the hills with axes and sure that doesn't happen all the time that would happen some one one out of every 16 weeks like you wouldn't like you know you just fucking leave you just leave yeah you just leave you're like whatever all those fucking guys that Gingas Khan killed they're just lazy Yeah they're just laying around They should have got out of there That's business bro everybody's gonna die I'd rather get hacked up by barbarians Then fucking go out the way I'm probably gonna go out shit Whoa wait a minute how are you planning on going out How are you planning on going out that's worse than getting hacked up by barbarians Did you talk to Dr. Phil?

[624] about this when you're on the show yeah if you like whatever bro that would be more worse ways to die that's right up there no way bro you just be like oh shit and then dead maybe not maybe they gut you maybe they hang you by your ankles but i would fight the guy for sure they would have to fucking kill me okay i'm fighting them back sure i hear you right you would have fight a couple of them you might get a couple no i know i just sword it doesn't know what you can do fuck it i'll double -leg the dude and then fucking steal a sword right off his fucking back of his horse man i already thought about this tackle the dude off of his horse then fucking grab his sword and just take out as many i can hopefully it'll be a jacky chan scene but if not fuck it whatever i'll just go out fucking arm my oh you hack my arm off fuck would you have a different strategy if a dude had a double -edged sword or a single -edged sword yeah yeah you would look at him you'd say the single -edge sword is this guy fucked up i would try to make an assessment as much as possible but if they're just coming they're coming oh man i hit your microphone man this fucking bunker's falling apart here let me fix this place up man i don't think there's anything wrong with it yeah there is obviously i think you just keep hitting it all right there no man oh hello hi anyway what the hell we're talking about barbarians fighting it's getting something different because now i'm talking about what a strange fucking what a strange conversation that is that dudes always have if a guy was coming at you with a sword yeah wait i know we're totally duding out right now yeah yo bro you know what a bear could fucking definitely kill a walrus so quick those are the best though when there's instructionals online where dudes are defending against swords.

[625] Yeah, what do you mean?

[626] I've seen it?

[627] Well, you know, sometimes you've got to worry about that.

[628] When I was a kid, I was like always reading those karate magazines like, well, why would you have to fight a dude with the knife?

[629] I'm like, damn, that sucks.

[630] And if he, I figure the guy already knows if you're getting stabbed, the dude just is going to stab you anyway, right?

[631] Right.

[632] So he has, you know what I mean?

[633] Like if you have, if he has the, he's not going to show you.

[634] That would be the best way to get stabbed.

[635] And no one's going to come at you like, Well, maybe if they want to threaten you, they want to show it to you before they stick you.

[636] But you know that now you have to jump and do the disarm?

[637] Yeah.

[638] Most people will stab you.

[639] They don't even want you to know they're going to stab you.

[640] They try to sneak in on you.

[641] Like, p -ch -ch -ching -chong.

[642] Well, like what?

[643] That was racist, bro.

[644] A little racist, brother.

[645] Redband, what?

[646] Isn't that amazing that just saying noises like that could be racist if you said that?

[647] Would you say ping -ping chong?

[648] No, I just said, ding -dong.

[649] No, you said a door, bro.

[650] You sounded like an Asian person from a 1950s movie.

[651] I know I would never offend Asians around me. You know what's the craziest thing?

[652] In the back of the day, man, those black and white movies, they used to have, what was that fucking, there was one television show that they used to do or a movie series he used to do about a Chinese detective.

[653] And they had a white guy playing the Chinese detective.

[654] Is it Jeopardy?

[655] I know, man. You're like, I have, it's an old -ass show.

[656] I'm sure someone on Twitter will know what it is.

[657] It was an old -ass show.

[658] What was it again?

[659] It was a white dude, but he played.

[660] this Chinese detective.

[661] Oh, really?

[662] Wise old Asian detective.

[663] But it was a white dude who played it.

[664] And they had him in all this goofy.

[665] It was goofy -ass makeup because it's like 1930 and shit, you know?

[666] That's like, they had this dude.

[667] Well, you know what?

[668] I can understand that.

[669] Back then, like nobody knew Asian people.

[670] You couldn't get a good Chinese actor.

[671] And you don't want to, you know, they didn't want to give the job of that.

[672] Charlie Chan, thank you.

[673] How did I not remember that?

[674] I almost had that without even knowing what the fuck you're talking about.

[675] I don't know.

[676] I think I blocked Charlie out of my.

[677] my mind because of Jackie I'm going to say because of Vietnam Jackie Chan, no Vietnam you know, oh the word Charlie what the fuck is wrong with you I'm so crazy I was like how did Joe can not get that Charlie Chan Army movies bro he never played call of duty black ops he hasn't I've been trying to give him to play that but Bruce Buffer when I was at the airport Bruce Buffer was playing call of duty while I was waiting for his plane We're in England.

[678] Bro, I've played Jack's dudes with his laptop.

[679] Oh, really?

[680] Yeah, he was sitting there with his fucking, he's got his diamonds on and shit and his, you know, his silver distinguished hair and he's sitting there on his MacBook playing Call of Duty jacket.

[681] How could he do it with his mouse pad, though?

[682] That seems so hard.

[683] Oh, he just doesn't, I don't know.

[684] He's moving his fingers around.

[685] It does seem pretty hard.

[686] Yeah, that ain't the way.

[687] I'll try that, though.

[688] Well, I mean, he seemed to be doing it, you know.

[689] Yeah, I got it in 3D, Jay.

[690] Have you played in 3D yet?

[691] What?

[692] And you can go...

[693] Oh, yeah.

[694] And you can look down the sniper thing, and it looks like it's just this huge sniper tunnel.

[695] No way.

[696] It's so cool.

[697] And this is because you have the 3D TV, too, right?

[698] So that money to do that, too, bro.

[699] I know.

[700] Bump it.

[701] Both of you have 3D TV.

[702] We're nerd.

[703] Innovators, motherfucker.

[704] You are a nerd.

[705] That's what a lot of people don't know, man. You're a big -time computer nerd.

[706] I like computers.

[707] Who doesn't?

[708] They're fucking amazing.

[709] I like this information in a box.

[710] It's something more than that, man. it's everything it's people the whole fucking universe is connecting through these things this is we're going to eventually share one giant consciousness yeah well it's all going to be connected through electronics yeah huh it's what it is yeah right it's just happening nice and slowly nice and slowly it's inevitable it's going in that direction for sure yeah all this wiki leak shit what this wiki leak shit represents is a new ethic what's going on is that there's going to be no more secrets anymore you can't have them anymore the exchange of information between people is going to be at one point it's going to be instantaneous and it's going to be all encompassing we're going to have everything i know about you and everything you know about me we're going to know everything about each other it's just inevitable you're telling me you're going to plug a chip into my brain and we're going to blend into one thing i'm telling you this is this is without a doubt where we're headed there's no question you're talking to everything accelerated well obviously look if something you're crazy happens like an asteroid or a tsunami oh we're fucking each other up for sure You know, I was talking to my manager the other day, my business manager, Matt, who's a great guy, and he's not a conspiracy theorist.

[711] He's a real level -headed dude, and he lives in, I don't want to say where he lives, but I said, do you ever think about living near the ocean?

[712] You ever think about getting, like, a place like, on the water?

[713] That may be kind of dope.

[714] And he goes, yeah, but I think about tsunamis.

[715] And I'm like, wow, yeah, you should think about tsunamis.

[716] Fuck, we all should think about tsunamis.

[717] Right.

[718] At any point in time, the Earth could just decide to move a little bit, and we'll, a mile high.

[719] wall of water heads towards Los Angeles like that shit's real man that could happen or we get hit by an asteroid something falls into the ocean and a mile high wall of water heads towards Los Angeles and it's not could you fucking imagine could you imagine it's part of the charm of the city yeah it might be you're going to die at any time it might be the only time every time I'm in a parking garage in Los Angeles is that why you live in the fucking top of a goddamn mountain is that what you're getting at yeah absolutely we live in a You live on a, I have to drive all the way up a mountain because you're worried.

[720] You're lucky I don't live in Colorado, bro.

[721] We'd only be seeing each other when I come to L .A. If it wasn't from my wife getting pregnant, I'd still be in Colorado.

[722] You're worried about the wall of water?

[723] Dude, I worry about everything.

[724] I'm a fucking freak.

[725] I worry about meteor impacts.

[726] I worry about the shifting of the polar ice caps.

[727] I worry about pollution.

[728] I worry about war.

[729] You should go downhill mountain biking.

[730] That's going to fix everything?

[731] No, I think it needs to go skiing.

[732] Nah, bro.

[733] Well, I would, except I watched a detailed report on TV where a lady who was, downhill mountain biking got attacked by a fucking mountain lion who ate her head pulled her don't you want to die like a cool way her friend was beating the mountain lion with a stick as it was dragging her screaming bleeding friend with her face torn off into the bushes and he's beating it with a stick so what's the i saw that lady on tv man and i'm like i don't think i'll be mountain biking that shit didn't happen to you but it could have shit so that shouldn't happen to you that's yeah that's hilarious yeah who cares yeah you should go you should do something outside your comfort zone bro you think yeah yeah for skiing or skiing but i'm not but i'm not oh you're not water boat what do i need to do that's outside my comfort zone tell me master like i just feel like why don't be scared of life bro just i know listen i'm half fucking around i would totally you're making me nervous i would half fuck around but you know my dog was eaten by a mountain lion and i saw the mountain line wait so you think there's some mountain line with like out for you Out to get them.

[734] You don't know what I'm saying?

[735] No, I'm saying I have personal experience with them.

[736] I know that they're dangerous as fuck.

[737] If you're going to go mountain bike and run here, you're going to run into mountain lines.

[738] You can.

[739] It's possible.

[740] Whatever.

[741] Percentage wise, you'd probably be okay.

[742] I would fight them for a minute.

[743] Oh, you'd be fine.

[744] You know, you know what to do, but a girl on a fucking bike.

[745] Very rare.

[746] Very rare.

[747] don't fuck with men they have killed women they killed a 19 year old girl last year in Canada singer she's a recording contract it's because of the period blood he wasn't even trying to be funny that's because he's got an animal mind mayhem got an animal mind just thinking about it he's just thinking about it that's what I would smell I'd smell our period blood yeah sure be smelling that shit and I think I'm gonna eat this bitch I get all my girlfriends bro yeah man getting killed by wolf is pretty rare too we've talked about that recently on the podcast that I didn't know that wolves have killed people as recently as this year yeah I'm thinking if you like you're a woman you're a food source and you're in their little sector by yourself yeah oh you're fucked up isn't it weird though that we have this weird thing with with wolves where you know it used to be everyone was aware that wolves were really dangerous yeah but we came went backwards now huh we went backwards like because wolves are we we dumb down the wolf we fuck them up so hardcore that we bad that we fucked them up.

[748] But the reason we fucked them up is because wolves were eating babies and shit.

[749] They were eating people.

[750] You know, wolves have eaten people before.

[751] There was a kid in 2005 that got eaten by a wolf and there was this woman that got killed by a wolf this year.

[752] They fucking kill people.

[753] Wait, so I take it you like, don't go camping or anything.

[754] Dude, I've been camping once and a bear attacked our cooler, walked all over a car, tore our cooler to shreds.

[755] Maybe it's fascinating.

[756] It's fascinating.

[757] It's fascinating.

[758] It's just fucking do it, bro.

[759] Should I go with it?

[760] Yeah, bro.

[761] Ostrich.

[762] Yeah, that'd be the first dude to die by ostrich bite bro you maybe they just need to turn off the discovery channel at your house that would be embarrassing man for all my friends how do you die fucking ostrich kicked his ass ate him right he was covered in feathers he was covered if they kick you you're fucked oh of course you your guts will fall out of you they have giant powerful legs man you watch way too much documentary i know he didn't get rid of discovery channel I just got a whole new box set Can I get like your leftovers every once in a while?

[763] Can I?

[764] I'll turn you on to some shit.

[765] Yes.

[766] No, I just, no, I don't mean turn me out like, I don't want to buy it myself.

[767] Just give me, let me borrow some DVDs.

[768] Okay, I'll give me some DVDs.

[769] I get some shit for you.

[770] I get some interesting stuff.

[771] You should switch to cartoons for a year and see.

[772] I can't do it, dude.

[773] I can't do it.

[774] You know, this is what I do.

[775] Okay, I'll go through my DVR.

[776] I'll see, like, I watch HDNet fights.

[777] I watch, like, I like that Anthony Bourdain, no reservation show.

[778] I see if there's any boxing matches that I missed.

[779] And then I just go straight to all the space shows.

[780] it's all the universe or it's all like some crazy shit on the science channel that's the only thing that's interesting to me this i can't watch shows like a drama or a sitcom i can't do it i just i can't do it i'll watch it for five minutes and i'll just go oh yeah you know every now and then like breaking bad like i'll watch like a cool drama those are fun if you like when i was getting tattooed i was watching breaking bad i watched like a bunch of ab i watch like two seasons of it's pretty awesome always sunny in philadelphia is that good God, it's a funny show.

[781] What's that?

[782] It's probably one of the best shows ever, man. I think so, man. What network is that on?

[783] It's so well written.

[784] It's like, man, it's a great, man. Really?

[785] I think it's over.

[786] This last, this last, this like you, what?

[787] It is FX.

[788] What?

[789] FX, yeah.

[790] It's on FX.

[791] I think it's the same night as my show.

[792] Really?

[793] Damn, you're fucking pumping up a competitor.

[794] I know, no, I know.

[795] But I watch it.

[796] It's like, it's like, it's like my show's on and then you can change the channel and their show.

[797] And we live in TiVo land.

[798] Yeah, you know, that's so true.

[799] You're really not competing with anything.

[800] We're not competing with anything.

[801] Just save this.

[802] The only time I watch things as they're happening is fights.

[803] Yeah, me too.

[804] If you need to know that it's not, yeah.

[805] I mean, that's just how life is.

[806] But, always Sunday's really good, man. They have so many great characters and stuff.

[807] And, like, it's well written.

[808] Did you watch a Manny Pachiao fight?

[809] Man, yeah.

[810] Man, with my dad in a hunting trip.

[811] Dude.

[812] It was awesome.

[813] Like, sit out there in the country watching Manny Pachia.

[814] My dad, like, screaming and yelling for the wrong guy.

[815] I'm like, what, man?

[816] That's not even Pachia.

[817] I got swing box.

[818] watched it on my laptop in London.

[819] Oh, yeah.

[820] That was gory.

[821] Damn, that motherfucker's good.

[822] Yeah.

[823] I wonder, though, with his style, though, you know, I wonder if he could fuck with Floyd Mayweather.

[824] No, I know.

[825] I still don't know.

[826] I still don't know.

[827] If you look at the way Floyd, way Mayweather, the way he just handled Manuel Marquez.

[828] Yeah.

[829] You know?

[830] Yeah.

[831] Juan Manuel Manuel Marquez.

[832] Style -wise, though.

[833] I think style -wise that matches up pretty good.

[834] Like, I think, man, he, matches up pretty good i think that yeah marquez couldn't do shit to floyd though and marquez and mayweather went to war they went to war twice yeah i know dude floyd just shut all that shit down but uh baggio's fast baggio is pretty good he's fast and he moves well takes a good shot and uh and and you know uh mayweather got got rocked real bad by moseley and like that kind of showed that oh okay you can get touched too right you know what i mean so yeah he got tagged yeah he got tagged real good that's that one punch you really kind of fucked it up for moseley because he stopped boxing and started bombing You know, like, he, like, lost his rhythm.

[835] He got angry.

[836] Yeah, he lost his rhythm.

[837] Yeah.

[838] That was a tough fight for him anyway.

[839] That dude is, it's amazing that, like, when you see boxers, it's so strange that boxers can compete at that high a level when they're, like, 40.

[840] You know, he's like 39, right, isn't it?

[841] Yeah, it's business.

[842] Yeah.

[843] There's some, I mean, some guys can keep going and some guys, it just all falls apart.

[844] It's interesting.

[845] Like, look at Hopkins.

[846] Yeah.

[847] Is he so technical?

[848] 40, fucking five, 46 years old.

[849] He's still fighting.

[850] I mean, that's incredible, man. Yeah, it is.

[851] You know?

[852] Undoubtedly, man. At the end of the day, that's what's the most important in every combat sport.

[853] It's technique.

[854] All that ferocity and everything is so important.

[855] I mean, you have to have it.

[856] You know, you have to have strength.

[857] You have to have endurance.

[858] You have to have, you know, fighter spirit.

[859] But what's most important is technique.

[860] Yeah.

[861] All that other shit, you can have two.

[862] That all that other shit has to be processed through technique, though.

[863] And guys that just rely on one thing, they just rely on their aggressiveness or rely on their athleticism.

[864] Like, how many times have you watched guys fight, like, in, you know, MMA on TV and you see like a guy that's like super hyper aggressive but yet he's got all these holes in his stand up and he's dropping his hands goofy and it's not turning his kicks over but he's just super aggressive and that's how he's winning he's beating guys by just being and you're like this guy's just like eventually he's going to run into a guy that's as tough as him but it's technical and then he's fucked yeah of course that always happens it's just the style wise like this guy's got smarter technique you know what I mean that's like the big battle isn't it isn't it you know isn't it yeah man the life of martial artist a professional mixed martial artist that has got to be a trippy way to fucking pay your bills son isn't it i i know there's been moments where i've stood across the ring for one and i'm like i'm about to fight another grown man on national television i'm like this is my life right now do you try to squash those thoughts or you just go well this it is what it is what no what i mean i just go ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i'm about to fight somebody on tv so you laugh so you think it's in my head yeah i'm like it's so weird Like, whatever, you know, you just take a different path in your life.

[865] You're like, oh, this is what I'm doing, you know.

[866] It's, I don't know, it's very strange.

[867] It's very different.

[868] But, I mean, you know, it's just my job.

[869] Like, I'm just like, this is what I'm good to do.

[870] It's a crazy -ass way to make a living, son.

[871] Yep.

[872] That's a crazy -ass way.

[873] It's a business.

[874] It's a fascinating.

[875] Don't cry for me, bro.

[876] What are you talking about?

[877] I'm not crying.

[878] We're just talking.

[879] I know, that's what I mean.

[880] I mean, look, my life is, to other people would be horrific.

[881] You know, getting on stage and doing comedy or talking in front of you.

[882] I never even.

[883] I didn't realize that that is like people, a lot of people's number one fear.

[884] Yeah.

[885] And I'm like, what?

[886] Just stand there.

[887] You don't want to be judged.

[888] Have you done it lately?

[889] Me?

[890] Yeah.

[891] No, I mean, Ella's show and, you know.

[892] There's a new place you need.

[893] They want, they want me to do a show on 16th.

[894] On what?

[895] Huh?

[896] A show on the 16th?

[897] Of what, December?

[898] Should I do it?

[899] Joe Rogan?

[900] A comedy show?

[901] Hell yeah.

[902] You can totally do it.

[903] All right.

[904] I know.

[905] What do I talk about, though?

[906] anything write a bunch of shit down all right 16th what's today's date talk about the wedding you store today is the 29th oh so you've got like what how many days are in november?

[907] November 30 yeah 30 so I've got that long to do it I'll say I'll say some funny shit yeah you know what how much time do you have to go up for I don't know I'll figure it out this is a keyword I want you to use period blood those two words yeah use those and coyotes that was a zinger right I'm going to steal that shit I'm going to use it from the All right So you guys are seeing If I go if I go up on On the 16th In the improv This should be the punch line Period blood Period blood That would just be the punch line I guess girls would think about that shit If they got in the water too That sharks would bite their pussy Right You know I mean my God Could you fucking imagine The thought And that's how you dye your hair color The shark is going for your pussy because he smells your period.

[908] What a hurrah.

[909] Someone must have died like that, somewhere along the line.

[910] Some girl must have done that pussy eating out by a shark.

[911] She must have.

[912] You're right.

[913] It must have happened.

[914] With all the people that have been killed by sharks for all the hundreds of thousands of years people have been on this planet.

[915] Undoubtedly.

[916] Fuck yeah.

[917] Dude, you can't get me in that fucking water.

[918] That water can suck my dick.

[919] What's wrong with you, dude?

[920] Some kid just got bitten in half in San Bernardino.

[921] Time the fuck out.

[922] Not San Bernardina.

[923] What's wrong with you, bro?

[924] Why are you so scared of the entire world?

[925] I'm not scared.

[926] Fascinated.

[927] I'm fascinated.

[928] No, but you're scared, though.

[929] But I'm not.

[930] I just don't think that getting eaten by a shark is worth the thrill of surfing.

[931] Bullshit, bro.

[932] You never surfed before.

[933] I don't need to, son.

[934] You don't want to go mountain biking because the fucking mountain lions will eat you.

[935] You don't want to go surfing because the fucking sharks will eat you.

[936] Breaking it down.

[937] Okay?

[938] You don't.

[939] What the fuck?

[940] Those are monsters, and I try to avoid monsters in my everyday life.

[941] You don't want to go roller skating.

[942] Especially monsters in the wild.

[943] water, man. At least a mountain line, you might be able to fucking get him in a guillotine.

[944] You know what I'm saying?

[945] A mountain line might fuck up.

[946] You might get on top.

[947] You might sprawl.

[948] You know what I'm saying?

[949] You might take his back.

[950] You might take that mountain lines back.

[951] Wait, now you're head shucking a mountain lion?

[952] That's what you're going to do?

[953] You're you're darting them down to the ground?

[954] You're darting a mountain lion.

[955] That's what you're doing.

[956] Fuck out of him in his stupid, fucking dirty, stinky shit covered paws.

[957] Fuck a mountain line.

[958] But a shark will eat your asshole.

[959] There's not much you can do about it.

[960] Wait, you're bleeding out of your asshole a lot?

[961] He's going to eat you.

[962] He's going to come up from behind.

[963] So you don't even see him coming.

[964] And he's just going to start eating you.

[965] So what, bro?

[966] That's the risk we all take of living here on Mother Earth.

[967] The Great Gaia.

[968] That's beautiful, man. I know, right?

[969] I try to avoid being a part of the food chain, except the top part.

[970] Yeah, but nobody, listen, no, the chances that you're going to get eaten by an animal while doing an outdoor activity are very low.

[971] They're way, way higher than if you don't go.

[972] to those places where the monsters are I find that the best way to cut down on the possibility of getting eaten by monsters is to not go near the monsters bro so you're, would you go hang gliding?

[973] What am I a fucking bird?

[974] Listen man that's a dumb ass way to go smashing to the rocks from an errant breeze oh whoops now I'm dead he doesn't want to go hang gliding because he might get eaten by a taradactyl Brian, why don't you tell him the story about your dad in parachuting?

[975] Yeah, I know, paragliding?

[976] Why don't you tell him, Brian?

[977] Wait, I already know the story before you even tell it.

[978] But that's the type of thing.

[979] I bet you don't.

[980] I bet you don't.

[981] So he jumped out the fucking thing and died?

[982] No, no, no. This is his dad.

[983] His dad, Brian.

[984] My dad worked with somebody that every week she was like, hey, you need to come skydiving with me because she did it every weekend.

[985] And he was like thinking about it, even though he didn't want to.

[986] And one day she died.

[987] She jumped out, and I guess, like, her emergency parachute went with her regular parachute.

[988] So what?

[989] She dances with the devil, bro.

[990] To me, that was like one out of one million, though.

[991] But I would never parachute, but I think judges go roller skating.

[992] And if not, I heard plenty of bad stories.

[993] I'm not scared.

[994] Don't be scared, homie .com.

[995] That's why I should use that website for it to put, like, don't be scared, homie.

[996] Sure, after the fight.

[997] Yeah.

[998] That is a good idea, man. Look, it's, you know, think about like, what would Tyler Durden do, They have a, like, that site.

[999] Oh, yeah, it's cool site.

[1000] Brian, Brian's friend.

[1001] Brian interacts.

[1002] Oh, I want him to help me. He's a funny dude, man. That, what would Tyler Durden guy?

[1003] It's WWTDD.

[1004] He says some funny shit, man. He's got some really good, like, one -liners on things that are going on the news.

[1005] He's a funny guy.

[1006] Yeah, he's funny.

[1007] And he hates Paris Hilton a lot.

[1008] Oh, he's the anti, he's a anti -Pers Hilton?

[1009] Perez Hilton?

[1010] No, Paris, yeah.

[1011] No, you're not Paris, Brown.

[1012] He means the guy.

[1013] No, no, no, he hates Paris.

[1014] Oh, he hates Paris.

[1015] His tweets on Paris are hilarious.

[1016] Really?

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] Why would he hate her?

[1019] She's just some lost child.

[1020] Why would he give a fuck?

[1021] Because it's funny.

[1022] Yeah.

[1023] He's more of a funny guy.

[1024] It's in right now to make fun of Paris Hilton, so I'm going to...

[1025] Again?

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] I thought that died off.

[1028] Yeah, it did.

[1029] Yeah, it has to die off.

[1030] Like, because at a certain point in time, you become the joke for caring about her.

[1031] I know.

[1032] Like, why are you still talking about this one person?

[1033] out of a river of humans.

[1034] No, what do you mean?

[1035] It's the next one, the next one, the next one.

[1036] It's amazing, though.

[1037] I can't believe that people stay irrelevant.

[1038] Like, to me, it's like, why?

[1039] Like, why are these people famous?

[1040] I was like, this is kind of sad.

[1041] It's like sad with our culture.

[1042] Like, I feel bad for us.

[1043] Like, man, and I start getting care, I start caring because we other people care.

[1044] I'm like, man, damn it, why do I care?

[1045] I don't want to pretend that I know what's going to happen in the future because I obviously don't.

[1046] You know, I don't know whether or not we're going to pull ourselves out of this downward spiral, this humanity downward spiral with some sort of a technological innovation or something.

[1047] You know, but if it doesn't happen, I'm so high, I forgot what I was talking about.

[1048] Man, you are fucking deep in the damn, I'm contact high from sitting next to you.

[1049] What were we talking about before he said that?

[1050] Paris Hilton.

[1051] Paris Hilton.

[1052] This is a quote that he did.

[1053] Paris Hilton, everyone hates you.

[1054] No one is going to watch your dumb show.

[1055] No one cares anymore.

[1056] Go kill yourself.

[1057] That's not, that's the meanest tweet ever.

[1058] It's so mean that it was funny.

[1059] It was so mean.

[1060] It sounds like Ari Shafir wrote that.

[1061] Yeah.

[1062] Oh, this is what I was going to say.

[1063] I don't know whether or not we were ever going to pull ourselves out of this downward spiral.

[1064] But if you look at a civilization, if you looked at a civilization, like right before it was going to fall, like Rome or like the Greek Empire or like anywhere, all you hear about is them going crazy.

[1065] All you hear about is feathers and they're eating and they're throwing up and they're fucking everything and they're fucking little boys and shit.

[1066] there's lions versus Christians.

[1067] It's always the craziest, craziest shit goes down, and that's what everybody talks about after it falls apart.

[1068] Well, isn't that what's happening right here?

[1069] I mean, it has to be.

[1070] It's happening slowly.

[1071] That's what it is.

[1072] I mean, we were talking, Brian and I were looking at the pictures of the Coliseum in Rome.

[1073] We were having lunch at this Italian place today, and they had this photo of the Coliseum in Rome, and the photo was from 2010, right?

[1074] So the Coliseum was this fucking incredible old piece of architecture where people fought fucking lions right there.

[1075] there in the center of that bitch and there's cars just driving around it and the cars the distance between the curb and the fucking walls of this insane old building is what 15 feet 10 feet it's like there's no space it's like car this insane old building yeah they're probably peeing that shit just fell apart it fell apart and nobody fixed it yeah it just fell right apart that can easily happen with us and if it does they're going to be talking about us the same way we talk about the Romans.

[1076] So mountain liking, mountain biking.

[1077] These crazy assholes had TV shows where regular people became famous.

[1078] Girls became famous because they were showing their pussies, they'd get out of the cars.

[1079] How many girls became famous or got like massive publicity for showing their pussy on TV or showing their pussy rather in publicity for these magazines?

[1080] How many times that happened?

[1081] So 14 ,000.

[1082] That would be something.

[1083] I think that's incorrect.

[1084] You don't think 14 is right?

[1085] I think 14, maybe.

[1086] Maybe 14 girls have shown their pussy.

[1087] Pretend that they've accidentally shown their pussy.

[1088] You think it's 14?

[1089] A lot of them are probably mad.

[1090] Somebody researched that.

[1091] It's probably not that many.

[1092] Probably like six.

[1093] No, probably the point is that's going to be something they would talk about in the future when they study ancient history.

[1094] They talk about the fall of the American Empire.

[1095] What are they going to talk about?

[1096] They're going to talk about how nutty we were.

[1097] The girls would just show their pussies.

[1098] Girls became famous for leaking sex tapes.

[1099] Just fucking sucking cock.

[1100] Yeah.

[1101] Like Kim Kardashian.

[1102] She got famous.

[1103] I know.

[1104] For hanging out.

[1105] with a girl who should have been, should have been, you know, there should have been no reason for Paris Hilton to become famous.

[1106] Why was she famous?

[1107] Well, she just figured out how to do it.

[1108] Don't hate.

[1109] There she is.

[1110] And so, Kim Kardashian was hanging out with her and goes, you know what, I got to kick this up a notch.

[1111] I'm going to do a porno with a black guy.

[1112] So she does a porno with this dude.

[1113] She sucks his dick, fuck some, everything.

[1114] It's all a real legit porno.

[1115] And then it's like, oh, how did that get out there?

[1116] Darn it.

[1117] And then that becomes a huge hit show.

[1118] And then she becomes a mainstream celebrity on the cover of almost every magazine.

[1119] Every goddamn time I go to the magazine stand Her face is on the cover of some magazine Whether it's a fitness magazine or anything It's amazing That would be something that people would look at And say look how crazy they got They just made regular people Like you don't have to sing You don't have to dance You don't have to write You don't have to create She has charisma She's got an ass She's got an ass and she has some charisma I meant charisma I meant men meant ass So yeah no I don't you think That if you were looking at a culture If people like I know, yeah.

[1120] If you looked at it for the future, that's what you would say.

[1121] You'd say, look at these crazy assholes.

[1122] No, maybe some people are just going to have the charisma and then all of a sudden they're going to be awesome.

[1123] I don't think we're on the same track.

[1124] Everybody will happen.

[1125] You guys seen that, maybe Christine?

[1126] How about everybody will just be famous and we'll all like, well, wait, we just connected the two things right now.

[1127] That's what I was just thinking.

[1128] Everybody has a computer chip in their brain and then you walk up to this guy and go, oh, he's awesome.

[1129] And then everyone will just shine in a magic.

[1130] land.

[1131] Well, I think eventually your phone number would be like a channel.

[1132] You know, you will have like your own channel.

[1133] Like, oh, bro, let me get your channel number because I really want to dance around in your head right now.

[1134] That'll be right before the final, the final immersion, that's what would be the last thing.

[1135] What's the final immersion?

[1136] Oh my God.

[1137] Final immersion is no, no consciousness other than the one, everybody together.

[1138] So we're going to get all linked up like the Matrix right now?

[1139] That's what's going to happen.

[1140] No emotion, no bullshit, no negativity.

[1141] Oh, we're going to be alien.

[1142] And then we're going to send ourselves back all the way through the universe back in time to us.

[1143] Oh, man, you're freaking me out, man. That's ultimate stoner talk.

[1144] There's no more ultimate stoner talk then.

[1145] What happens when you die?

[1146] Or future?

[1147] Aliens in the future.

[1148] And what's going to happen, man?

[1149] When's it going to end, man?

[1150] I know.

[1151] That's all I do.

[1152] It's all I do.

[1153] I'm a fucking fool.

[1154] All I do all day is not even think about the moment.

[1155] just worry constantly about what is going to happen in the future.

[1156] Bro, man, I'm getting, I feel like this is a little therapeutic right now.

[1157] It's a breakthrough.

[1158] Look, it's just, to me, it's all just hyper -facinating.

[1159] It's all hyper -facinate.

[1160] It's not that I'm not.

[1161] It's not that I have to happen hanging out with time.

[1162] How is that?

[1163] You got any secrets of the Dr. Phil?

[1164] I don't know.

[1165] Dr. Phil was, I was like, damn, I'm like, that was just, it was weird as like me getting ready to fight.

[1166] Like, I'm like, man, I'm about to fight a man. Man, I'm about to go on a Dr. Phil show.

[1167] Like, how.

[1168] Are you nervous?

[1169] And was it?

[1170] No, I was just like, this is so.

[1171] weird.

[1172] I was nervous.

[1173] I was just like, what the hell am I doing?

[1174] This is full funny.

[1175] Did he give you a massage or anything?

[1176] Is there anything that he did when the cameras were off?

[1177] I wanted to touch his head, but you know, that's disrespectful.

[1178] Right.

[1179] You know, I mean, just to say I did it, you know?

[1180] Was he a guy?

[1181] What was you like?

[1182] Yeah, it was a nice dude.

[1183] Yeah, Dr. Phil's cool.

[1184] Like, I was like, man, this is the and no, he had a weight lifter hand grip.

[1185] Really?

[1186] Yeah, I'm like, yeah.

[1187] A weight lift her hand grip.

[1188] Yeah, a little bit.

[1189] I was like, hey, man, Dr. Phil's kind of buff.

[1190] Wow.

[1191] I swear.

[1192] I was like, really.

[1193] Yeah, he played football in high school.

[1194] and yeah for sure the college maybe would you hang it if dr phil called you up hey jason i'm down here at the bar thinking about getting a beer would you like to join me hell yeah i want to talk to dr phil i'd like to talk to dr phil would you do if dr phil just started talking pussy man i would let's cut let's cut the bullshit i'm talking about phil just started talking crazy pussy stories back before i was married Remember when I was supposed to be on that Dr. Phil show, or the doctors, and you talked me out of it.

[1195] What was it about?

[1196] For salvia.

[1197] Oh, yeah.

[1198] And they were going to show my video and everything.

[1199] Don't do, I told them.

[1200] Don't be going on.

[1201] You're going to do something?

[1202] First of all, that's going to contribute to the end of that salvia.

[1203] Right.

[1204] I know.

[1205] That's what I was thinking.

[1206] That shit is so fragile legal.

[1207] It's not anymore.

[1208] I don't think it's legal anymore.

[1209] It's still legal in California, I'm pretty sure.

[1210] I thought it was.

[1211] Some states, it's legal in some states still.

[1212] Some states made it illegal.

[1213] I think they just made it illegal in Florida.

[1214] That's fucked.

[1215] What does it do to you?

[1216] It doesn't hurt anybody, man. This is why it's weird that they're making it illegal.

[1217] Look, the problem is it's sort of a guilt by association thing, because if you consider it, and even though you look at the statistics and there's no deaths and there's no immediate danger, you know, health -wise, like, why should it be illegal?

[1218] Well, because it's like all this other shit that's illegal.

[1219] Salvia is one of the most potent psychedelic drugs in the world, and it's available at head shops, whereas, you know, it's really hard.

[1220] It's available at Target.

[1221] What are you talking about?

[1222] They sell salvia at Target.

[1223] Do they really?

[1224] Salvia plants.

[1225] Oh, salvia plants.

[1226] Yeah, that's pretty tripping.

[1227] Yeah, you're right.

[1228] It's sage.

[1229] I mean, that's what salvia is.

[1230] Oh, what?

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] Yeah.

[1233] Well, this, I don't know if it's the same strain.

[1234] Yeah, exactly.

[1235] No, what it is, is like they extract it, you know, and they condense it down and they extract it.

[1236] So you get like salvia times 60, you know, so it's like this little condensed form or not condense or whatever.

[1237] Wait, and then you wait, you put that in your coffee?

[1238] No, no, no. No, no, it's like an herb.

[1239] It's like weed.

[1240] And you have to get this.

[1241] Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

[1242] You get this lighter.

[1243] You have to have one of the crack lighters with the blue torches and it gets it up to a certain temperature and it releases a pretty much it's like a whip it of mushrooms.

[1244] You know, you're just doing, oh, God, I'm shirming.

[1245] Oh, my God, my face is on fire.

[1246] I'm melting.

[1247] I'm dead.

[1248] Oh, hey, I'm back.

[1249] But the problem is, is kids were doing this, you know, and 50 times a day.

[1250] 50 times a day, right, making the most hilarious YouTube videos and the real, if you ever want to see some of the funniest shit, just go on YouTube, type in Salvia.

[1251] Oh, the kid and the kid.

[1252] Yeah, kids doing all that shit Yeah, exactly Or, all right Or it's a good impression of I never watched it It looked like a seizure though It was more of a seizure I've seen a few seizures I'm just saying Was that a good seizure?

[1253] That's a good seizure That's a good seizure I told the story about I already told it before But I used to have my friend Johnny His girlfriend used to fake seizures Why?

[1254] He didn't the girl She wanted attention so bad She used to fake seizures She would fall down And he would use it as an excuse to slap her in the face he's like honey wake up wake up honey wake up and I'd see like he like bite his lip I was hitting him like fucking bitch like you like really like give her slaps in the face that was that's the most healthy relationship I've heard of chaos that's the most amazing thing about knowing a lot of fucked up people you know what is everyone so you have a story like that yeah it puts it all in perspective too you realize there's damn man my girl sucks At least she's not faking seizures in a fucking grocery store where you have to slap the shit out of her in front of everybody.

[1255] That's the saddest thing ever.

[1256] Yeah, pretty, pretty goddamn ridiculous.

[1257] Yo, you got this chick's number or what?

[1258] She's dead.

[1259] She's dead.

[1260] She deserves to be.

[1261] Wow.

[1262] I don't know if she's dead.

[1263] He's dead, though.

[1264] Oh, poor bastard.

[1265] Yeah.

[1266] He was my best friend.

[1267] Fascinating dude.

[1268] Hung out with a lot of crazy bitches.

[1269] Yeah, you know, that can get easy to do, man. Because, you know, a chick is beautiful.

[1270] You don't know that she's a banana sandwich.

[1271] And you don't care either because once you start having sex with them.

[1272] You deal with it and then you're like, oh, what am I doing right now?

[1273] Problem with dudes is once you start having sex with them, if it's good and they're hot.

[1274] Wait, you have sex with a dude?

[1275] What?

[1276] What?

[1277] You just said, yeah.

[1278] No, no, no, no. Listen to me, you fucking climes.

[1279] The problem with us.

[1280] You stop f -bobber, bro.

[1281] I don't use that word, man. When you have sex with a girl and she's hot, you get addicted to it.

[1282] You got one.

[1283] Yeah, she's super hot, and she's sexy, and she's got a killer body.

[1284] You're like, you're like, You could get that again.

[1285] You could always get that again.

[1286] So even if she's crazy, you start going, oh, fuck.

[1287] You want, all right, well, I don't know.

[1288] Okay, what are you doing?

[1289] You want to go out tomorrow?

[1290] And then the next thing you know, you're fucking her again.

[1291] And next thing you know, this is your girlfriend.

[1292] This crazy bitch is your girlfriend.

[1293] Yeah.

[1294] And just because she's hot and she's got a good, you know.

[1295] I know.

[1296] She's a freak.

[1297] And the crazy ones, a lot of times, they're more fun in bed because they want to, they want to please you.

[1298] They want to, you know, they really want you to be rocked.

[1299] So they'll freak you out more.

[1300] And then you're even extra.

[1301] duck, right?

[1302] Because if you get used to that, you get used to what my friend Tony always says, that erotic and psychotic are like, they're like next -door neighbors.

[1303] What are you doing over there, Brian?

[1304] He was looking for something that drinks.

[1305] I gave him some jack.

[1306] Do you want another coconut drink?

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] Coconut drink!

[1309] Thanks, dude.

[1310] You're like the best intern ever, Joe.

[1311] Thank you.

[1312] Thanks.

[1313] I like he's wearing a paperboy cap too, man. I know.

[1314] Hey, Mr. Hey, here's your coconut water.

[1315] Exactly.

[1316] Man, you need, like, one in -built to the couch, Joe Rogan.

[1317] That's one of the best ones.

[1318] And you have regular water?

[1319] I know you have regular water in there.

[1320] Damn it, bro.

[1321] That's all right.

[1322] You know what?

[1323] I just been, I was drinking out of the sink.

[1324] I like to do it old school.

[1325] Like, you know, grab to the thing and go on it.

[1326] Oh, I drink out of a jerk off sink.

[1327] Yeah, he puts his dick underneath the sink and it drops the water on it like a girl does in a bathtub.

[1328] What?

[1329] I don't know.

[1330] Have you ever heard of girls that do that, that master baby?

[1331] by putting their pussy right underneath the faucet, and they just slowly turn out.

[1332] That's got to be a benefit of being a chick.

[1333] It must be way easier to masturbate.

[1334] Open wound, yeah, totally.

[1335] You think so?

[1336] Fuck, yeah.

[1337] I don't know, man. I got to rub.

[1338] They get a lot of, like, arm motion.

[1339] They stick stuff in there, bro.

[1340] Yeah, they're about to put things in there.

[1341] Ah.

[1342] If a girl gets used to that, that's the real problem.

[1343] She gets used to a vibrator.

[1344] Some girls get broken.

[1345] Their pussies just get broken to regular stimulation.

[1346] They're just so oversensitized.

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] That happens a lot more than.

[1349] smashed than I thought it did they got to cycle off like yeah like coffee yeah you stop like stop doing coffee for a while and then all of a sudden you're like drink a coffee you're like oh yeah I'm freaking pumps true right big difference yeah right it's like you just stop the weirdest thing I know when I'm drinking coffee too much when I can drink it and then get sleepy yeah that's what you know like you gotta stop drinking coffee dude what you know if you drink it so much you drink it and all of a sudden you get sleepy right I don't know probably not good Probably your liver, like going, oh, too much coffee.

[1350] Your kidneys trying to shut you down, going, dude.

[1351] They say a little bit of coffee's not bad for you, but you can get, the problem with, like, Starbucks coffee, which is the best.

[1352] Don't be hating on Starbucks right now.

[1353] What I say is the best thing you say about, it was bad about Starbucks.

[1354] Listen, bro.

[1355] I'm a gold card member.

[1356] Okay, man. I know there's a coffee bean thermos in front of me, but that's not a, not because I'm disloyal.

[1357] It's not product placement.

[1358] But the problem is that Starbucks coffee has a fuck load of caffeine in it.

[1359] Not enough.

[1360] Wait.

[1361] Not enough.

[1362] That's why I drink it, man. My new thing is getting iced coffee, unsweetened with three shots.

[1363] In an IV?

[1364] Three espresso.

[1365] Oh, my God.

[1366] Three, man. That's so good.

[1367] Three, man. But they say espresso is not as much caffeine as coffee is.

[1368] No, but that's on top of a...

[1369] So it's three cups of coffee, though.

[1370] Yeah, that's...

[1371] Three cups of espresso.

[1372] Each...

[1373] Shots is like three cups of coffee, right?

[1374] A shot of espresso is like three cups of coffee?

[1375] Almost, yeah.

[1376] No, no, no, no, that's what I'm saying.

[1377] No, it's like a weak cup of coffee.

[1378] Like it's three week cups of coffee, but they're like condensed and small.

[1379] I'm sorry.

[1380] I thought you were saying that each shot is three cups.

[1381] It's not quite a cup of coffee.

[1382] A shot is espresso is like slightly below an average cup of coffee.

[1383] Sort of.

[1384] But that's how they make an Americanas.

[1385] No, no, it's a fucking fascinating subject because you can get, I mean, look, you go and get a venty, you go and get a venty Starbucks.

[1386] You take somebody who has never drank coffee before.

[1387] Someone who doesn't take any stimulants, doesn't know it, and you just give them that venty, they might have to sit down.

[1388] like they might be so jacked they might be like oh my heartbeat it's being too fast but that's the nature of coffee your hands can be shaking but meanwhile you have to get used to it yeah you know you get drugged up and boom you know it's a legal drug what are you talking about it's a thin caffeine it's it's legal it's a drug how many coffees a day do you have jason i don't know like two 14 no no i know i'm real high tension i don't allow myself more than one oh really the only time it's two is if i'm really busy work and that's what i mean yeah i gotta i'll go like in the morning and then in the afternoon sometimes.

[1389] And I'll bam, I'm a hype at Starbucks.

[1390] I would like to see you on a muscle relaxer.

[1391] I bet you just be like, hello, guys.

[1392] How are you doing today?

[1393] Yeah, no, no. I bet that shit would have no effect.

[1394] I think these shit's broke.

[1395] I think it's fucking broke.

[1396] Yeah, yeah.

[1397] Muscle laxia don't work.

[1398] That's you, dude.

[1399] They had to juice me up with a lot of that stuff to put me to sleep, though.

[1400] Really?

[1401] Yeah.

[1402] When you got operated on?

[1403] Yeah, when I got operated to put like a plate in my thumb and they're like, like, all right, we're going to pump you full of stuff.

[1404] And he goes in there to, you know, push it in there.

[1405] And I'm like, whoa, I feel like a giant rush over my whole body.

[1406] I'm like, oh, my God.

[1407] And they're like, okay, just relax.

[1408] And I'm like, no, no, I'm like, ha ha.

[1409] I'm like, man, I'm high right now.

[1410] Listen, wait a minute.

[1411] You're about to be operated on this is the type of shit you're saying.

[1412] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1413] I'm like, man, I'm high right now.

[1414] I was like that.

[1415] And the guy looks at me. I'm like, oh, and I realize that the stuff is too weak.

[1416] And I'm like, you can't.

[1417] You can't knock me out.

[1418] You can't.

[1419] And the guy is like, yeah, laugh.

[1420] The guy was laughing?

[1421] The guy, like, I remember as I'm all blurry, like, with all the drugs, like, and I'm like, man, I look, and I remember him, like, smirking at me. And then going back, oh, man, I shouldn't talk shit to him like that.

[1422] Wow.

[1423] Because I came out of it, like, thinking I was in a fight.

[1424] Like, I was like, ah!

[1425] Like, and, like, kicking at the nurses and everything like that.

[1426] And I was like, oh.

[1427] And I was like, oh, my bad.

[1428] Like, I was like, oh, sorry.

[1429] Then I felt so sick because he pulled.

[1430] pumped me so full of that stuff that I was like man what did I do Can you imagine being a fucking nurse Oh they did that You know they were kind of used to it Honestly they're used to dudes kicking them Yeah they're like yeah Because they do like all like extreme athlete Crazy dudes yeah And they're like yeah We've seen people like jump up out of their seats So they were like it was mellow And I was like oh I'm very sorry Like I was apologizing It's a weird feeling going out like that Going under and waking up And you're operated on already Your knees stitched up together yeah weird it's very strange how many operations have you had oh only like I don't know what have you had done so knees like cleaning out stuff and ACL replacement and like putting up putting a plate in just one ACL replacement or did you have one yeah both of them both of them done yeah like and I had a the middle of my knee cut out because uh because like it was annoying the hell out of me and cut it out what is it what do you mean the middle of your sticking out a punch oh a bucket handle tear yeah bucket wow you know I had that I had that on my left oh yeah we talked I had that shit up right it clicks it would click stuck it would get stuck it would get stuck oh god and I'm just like yank that thing out of that shit is a ferocious pain too that meniscus pain is tough to that's tough to fade yeah very difficult to ignore it's not something you just walk off no it's it's a bone piercing pain weird we knees are so fucking painful yeah did you have a couple testicles added yeah like 17 testicles Brian, why are you looking?

[1431] He just checked your package too, 17 testicles.

[1432] Seems like you might have a few more than the other guys.

[1433] He's got extra balls.

[1434] It's swinging.

[1435] Yeah, it's amazing that they can stitch you up and put you back together again now, though.

[1436] Isn't that fucking cool?

[1437] Like, how many guys do you know that have, I know, I know guys that have had discs replaced, you know, artificial discs stuck in between and had their discs few?

[1438] used.

[1439] Yeah, Tito had that done.

[1440] Who else had that done?

[1441] Nate Marquard had, no, not Nate Quarry had that done.

[1442] A lot of guys have had that done.

[1443] They blow out their discs and they get their shit replaced and they can go back and fight again.

[1444] It's fucking crazy.

[1445] That used to be a deal breaker.

[1446] Like, your discs were jacked?

[1447] Like, forget about competitive athletics on the highest level.

[1448] You know, there's no way, man. And you used to be ACL got jacked, like my friend Steve.

[1449] And you were done forever.

[1450] Like, I was, like, shocked when they said at ACL and they're like, no, you just, you just go and we put you back together.

[1451] I'm like, oh, awesome.

[1452] And it's, it's more powerful than the original.

[1453] Yeah, it is.

[1454] Like, my ACL, this, man, it's stronger than it was.

[1455] Like, I was like, what the hell?

[1456] Yeah.

[1457] And did the workouts and whatever, and then it's like, you used a cadaver?

[1458] Well, you know, they use an Achilles tendon.

[1459] That's what they use.

[1460] It's a big fat fucking cable.

[1461] It's bigger than what's naturally in there.

[1462] What's naturally in there sucks.

[1463] Wow.

[1464] You're saying that I have, like, illegal means?

[1465] I got both, both mine are done.

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] This one was done with a patella tendon graft, though, which kind of sucks, where they take a chunk out of your bone and a strip of meat where your tendon is and it's attached to your shin and then they open you up and then they screw it in place it takes a long -ass time to heal from it's much much longer recuperation time because you got a hole in your shin or a hole in your kneecap and a hole in your shin like they cut it out and so your tendon's been all fucked up so it's a way more invasive thing this one i had done it was uh they did a cadaver my right one and there's just like two little tiny holes and they stitched them up and that's it was all fixed i mean it's crazy they just get in there and screw this new joint in place it that used to be if you lived you know a thousand years ago man you were a cripple you know you were fucked you were that guy that would fall down if the wind blew too hard black president we have we're in the future right now what year 2000 it's just think it's so cool that they could patch you up and put you back together again you know yeah we live in the future i don't have a jet pack but whatever have you ever had your elbows done no shoulders are supposed to be the worst no your shoulders that's supposed to be the biggest pain in the ass to recoup yeah let's dancing with the devil that's what i do every day you do you ever think that like man like i'm i'm i'm fucking staking my my living on my physical flesh yeah dance of the devil he likes it is fun it is the funest thing for you right right i can't i can't help it it's so fun i like do crazy stuff all the time do you do you think you're going to have a long career they're going to be do this for a long time i think yeah i think i could do it like you know i can't do it for a long time but you know that's my job you know I feel good you definitely better now than you've ever been before I know and would you 29 now yeah oh yeah I'm about to change it up you're about to hit 29 you about hit 30 30 god damn that's like when you're an adult dude I know bro I've been feeling it I'm like I feel kind of happy about it I'm like I'm gonna be an adult we're gonna get you over in the UFC man all this strike force nonsense if this if this Nick Diaz thing doesn't work man I hope the UFC picks you up We have to go get Joe Silva massage somewhere Maybe you have to get them A fucking gift certificate for Somewhere cool Some wonderful restaurant Have a nice meal I'll take them to the olive garden To say Joe What are we doing with this Strike Force nonsense You know Mayhem Miller UFC fighter I got a good thing going to strike force So yeah You prefer it over there?

[1468] Let's see if the Diaz will not be scared homie and right well you know go from there when you watch the anderson silva chel sun and fight now i know you've you train with chill right i fought chill like why did you find them yeah but i train with them too yeah in uh i fought him in like 19 like man i was like 18 years old yeah we like five like me no 19 yeah he just kept taking me down we crashed through the cage there's there's video of it somewhere man i was so young man i was like we were like kids man wow How old is he?

[1469] I don't know.

[1470] He's in his 30s, right?

[1471] Yeah, he's a little older to me. When you watch this fight with Anderson Silva, so Anderson Silva, pound for pound, best fighter in the world, you know, UFC long -running middleweight champion, what did you think when you saw that fight?

[1472] Yeah.

[1473] The Chale -sunded fight.

[1474] Were you thinking, I mean, you know, you're a guy competing for the Strike Force title at 185, when you see Anderson, you know, and you see that, you know, that Chale is handling them?

[1475] Yeah.

[1476] What did you think?

[1477] That, like, does that, like, pump you up?

[1478] Yeah, definitely.

[1479] I mean, but, you know, like, of course, my weight.

[1480] That was the most intense I've ever watched the fight, really.

[1481] Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

[1482] It must be, right?

[1483] Yeah, of course, because I'm, like, in the little soap opera kind of, you know?

[1484] Right, right, right.

[1485] I'm, like, watching this, like, that we're all, you know, the same weight.

[1486] You could be fighting that guy easy, soon.

[1487] Yeah, yeah, easy.

[1488] Yeah.

[1489] Both guys, really, right?

[1490] Yeah, exactly, so.

[1491] Anything can happen.

[1492] Of course.

[1493] How long is your contract at Strike Force?

[1494] I believe, I don't know, I have a fight left, or, One fight left?

[1495] Yeah, I think so.

[1496] And so that if you beat Nick Diaz, then do you get to fight Jacaree for the title?

[1497] I have, yeah, a couple of fights, I think.

[1498] And I have...

[1499] Two fights?

[1500] Yeah, I think so, yeah.

[1501] So what are they talking about now?

[1502] If Nick Diaz doesn't want to fight, do you get to fight Jokoree?

[1503] Do you have to fight Tim Kennedy?

[1504] Like, what do you do?

[1505] What's next?

[1506] I don't know, man. They don't know?

[1507] They're just trying to get the Nick Diaz fight.

[1508] Well, I mean, that's the fight that everyone wants to see him.

[1509] That's cool.

[1510] And I, you know, I'm down, you know, it's like, that's my job.

[1511] I'm down to do whatever, you know.

[1512] Does it get in the way when you're filming bully beatdown, you know, does it get in your way with your training?

[1513] Like, do you have to, like, train, like, when you're filming that show, do you have to, like, make sure that you don't have any fight scheduled for a while it's going down?

[1514] Yeah, yeah, of course.

[1515] Like, you know, I don't want to run it concurrent with the training camp.

[1516] It would fuck it up hard, right?

[1517] Yeah, yeah, what kind of hours?

[1518] But I took, I took, I don't know.

[1519] You know, for training, the bully beat down only takes.

[1520] It's two weeks, so...

[1521] What is that monkey?

[1522] What did you do, Brian?

[1523] It's a Mahan monkey.

[1524] Oh, wow.

[1525] Did you just cut and paste that?

[1526] Yeah, it is pretty cool.

[1527] Yeah, it is pretty cool.

[1528] I don't know, you know, it only takes two weeks to do, to bully be done, so...

[1529] For the whole season?

[1530] Whoa.

[1531] I mean, it's, like, more than two weeks, because I have to go to do voiceover or whatever.

[1532] How many episodes do you guys do?

[1533] 10 out of time, usually?

[1534] Wow.

[1535] Yeah, so it's a fun, like, it's like a fun little summer camp.

[1536] Like, yay, let's go film, Billy B done.

[1537] It's going to be hilarious.

[1538] Well, it must have been way more fun coming into this season now that it's a big success.

[1539] Like, now everything like, everybody, like, wants you there and is happy to see you and all excited and it's all pumped up.

[1540] What do you mean?

[1541] Like, people that network, people in the studio, like, you're on a successful show.

[1542] Yeah, yeah.

[1543] That's when it starts, that's when it's fucking badass, right?

[1544] It is.

[1545] Exactly, yeah.

[1546] You know, when things are rolling, when things are moving.

[1547] Man, people, and so, like, that third season of it, you know, I never seen an audience so pumped up.

[1548] yeah they're fans they're fans like with the first there was like just people who were like what what is this you know when we used to film news radio there's a big difference between the first season and news radio like the audience and like the third season when it gets when it gets into where the fans come to watch the show yeah you know that's when it's when it becomes fun yeah it's this is crazy experience yeah filming shows is so hard in the beginning because no one knows what the fuck is going on you're trying to establish a rhythm it's like you know you're awesome but nobody else knows.

[1549] I wasn't going to say that.

[1550] What I was saying is it just takes a long time.

[1551] Well, and I just feel like everybody who works on that show is like awesome people.

[1552] And, and you know what I mean?

[1553] It's like they're all cool.

[1554] I got more into doing the bully beat down job by the fact that the people who work on it are just so awesome people.

[1555] You're just such awesome people.

[1556] So I'm like, oh, like I really want to do a good job because these people right here are cool.

[1557] So let me try to do a really good job because.

[1558] You don't see them working, but they're working really hard.

[1559] Now, did, when all this shit went down with the CBS thing, where you got in trouble and the big fight and the brawl on television, did they give you a hard time over that?

[1560] What do you mean?

[1561] What are they going to give me a hard time about it for them?

[1562] Nobody gave you a hard time.

[1563] Who, bully beat down people?

[1564] Yeah, like, no one says, like, you know, hey, you know, we can't get involved.

[1565] Yeah, I don't even think they were, what do you mean, get involved?

[1566] You know, you know what I'm saying.

[1567] What are they going to do?

[1568] No, no, no. What I'm saying is like when a controversy happens like this, like they don't want you involved in anything that's, like, negative.

[1569] or anything that's like, you know, like they don't have, they don't sit down with you and say, hey, you can't be getting into brawls because, you know, you represent the show.

[1570] No. No?

[1571] I think that they, I think they understood my side, like, you know what I mean?

[1572] Like, they understood the whole, how the whole thing went down.

[1573] Right, but I mean, in the news, it wasn't pretty, it wasn't clear cut.

[1574] There was a lot of people that were blaming you.

[1575] Yeah.

[1576] Well, they're just jerks.

[1577] They didn't get that mad about it.

[1578] Not bully beat down.

[1579] That's like my fighting career.

[1580] They don't worry about my fighting guru.

[1581] I don't feel like they, what do you think that MTV is going to spank me for that?

[1582] No, no, no, no, no. I don't understand.

[1583] I'm probably happy about it.

[1584] I was wondering whether or not anyone was concerned.

[1585] Bro, whether anyone said anything to you.

[1586] No, what?

[1587] Nobody talks to me. I'm just mayhem.

[1588] It's so funny.

[1589] You say it like, like it's ridiculous to ask.

[1590] Yeah, what do you mean it is?

[1591] You got in a bench clearing brawl on national television.

[1592] But he's a fighter, though.

[1593] That shit happens.

[1594] I know.

[1595] That shit happens.

[1596] That shit happened.

[1597] I can't help it.

[1598] It's not VH1.

[1599] I know.

[1600] Yo, man, they have the, man, come on.

[1601] They have the Jersey Shore on.

[1602] I know.

[1603] They don't fuck around now.

[1604] People are just roofing each other.

[1605] They're all in there.

[1606] Yeah, it's banging.

[1607] You know, I mean.

[1608] When I saw that girl get punched in the face, did you see that online?

[1609] Oh, yeah, I saw online.

[1610] I don't think they showed it on the show.

[1611] They blacked it off.

[1612] They didn't?

[1613] Yeah, I think they...

[1614] Yeah, they blurred it or so.

[1615] Why would they blur it?

[1616] They don't want people to see a girl get punched in the face and then say, But it was on.

[1617] Because they could show, look, we have a giant rating spike.

[1618] Right as this girl gets punched in the face.

[1619] This is what we need.

[1620] We need more girls getting punched in the face.

[1621] Oh, so they put, oh, my bad.

[1622] Did you see the girl that's on Dancing with the Stars, Sarah Palin's daughter or whatever?

[1623] Mr. Palin.

[1624] Talking to the situation.

[1625] Yeah, it was pretty fun.

[1626] That was the most, one of the most ridiculous.

[1627] I thought on the soup.

[1628] The soup is the best show because I get to see the normal, like, everyday funny stuff that I would never see because I never watch a show like that.

[1629] Right.

[1630] Man, dude, the soup had it on there.

[1631] It was, man, bring it up.

[1632] Just bring it up.

[1633] Just bring it up.

[1634] We live in the year of 9 ,000.

[1635] How strange is it that dancing with the stars has a presidential campaign, a vice presidential campaigner's daughter who's like seven, what is she like 18 or something like, you know, something like that now, 19 now, something really young?

[1636] Yeah.

[1637] Like how is that, how she's a celebrity?

[1638] And she's talking, yeah.

[1639] Because she was pregnant because it was a story that she was in the news.

[1640] I mean, that's ridiculous.

[1641] Like, how is that a celebrity?

[1642] that's so weird you know that like that's you know dancing with the stars like that's what they're calling a star they're calling this young girl whose mom was running for vice president who's just happening at pregnant and everybody knew about it they're calling her a star but that's so odd that you'd have that as dancing with the stars you know um here's she's the star in the situation check this out very uh you look at me like I just hit you with some Zen cone like what is the sound of one hand clapping exactly no she is but it's like the line is getting blurry.

[1643] Now it's like anybody who's in the news.

[1644] It's not, you know, when you're dancing with the stars is no longer entertainers.

[1645] It's no longer, you know, it's anybody that anything happened to where they got famous.

[1646] They're stars.

[1647] It's like idols.

[1648] In Japan, they already have that.

[1649] Idols.

[1650] And then you become like a show that they'll check in on.

[1651] They'll check in on you to see what the fuck's going on with you.

[1652] What are you doing today, crazy?

[1653] You know?

[1654] Like that Carrie Prejean chick?

[1655] Remember the chick who ran for, was it Miss USA?

[1656] that said once she's about gay people she's always got something man it's always something in the mix well you're talking about the girl who want to check up on her the uh miss south carolina pageant right the such as like as no no that girl was hilarious but that was just a brain fart that poor chick she just got caught in the headlights whatever that was adorable was it adorable yeah you liked it i like my girls to be all scatterbrains like to be like when you see a girl's like gingerly like Bambi like that Ging does that get you excited You're like look at this girl I got her Just drag her into the mayhem Voidt Oh man Were you think I club chicks Over the head And drag them to my lair Your personality bro Just with your personality You can just overtake them You think so Hey hey let's run over here See a girl is saying Like as And you can just Dominate her with your will With your mind She's not retarded She's just easily led It's a difference So mentally handicapped Supermodals Is what I'm looking for maybe sometimes it's not the worst thing that's all I'm saying not totally mentally handicapped but like there's a lot of people that are really happy just hanging out with their dog think about it that way there's a lot of people that are super smart and super healthy and they're just hanging out with their dog and there's nothing wrong with that you but a lot of people get plenty of companionship just from their dog so if that's the case and they're super happy for the rest of their life you could date someone who's really dumb as long as they're nice to you who cares they're cute just like having a dog somebody like this What are you doing, Brian?

[1657] That's that video that we were talking about.

[1658] Excuse me, Miss. Have you ever had a situation with the official situation?

[1659] Excuse me, Sitch?

[1660] Oh, snot.

[1661] B. Palin.

[1662] You mean to tell me that girls actually fall for that line?

[1663] Come on, I mean, if those words don't work, I got the situation.

[1664] Right there.

[1665] I hope you're as committed to save sex as you are those abs.

[1666] I know you're all about that abstinence thing, you know, but, I mean, come on.

[1667] Be Palin, are you serious?

[1668] Like, you're not going to hook up with...

[1669] Like before you married, for real?

[1670] For real.

[1671] For real, for real?

[1672] For real, for real, for real.

[1673] All right, well, you know what?

[1674] I mean, just in case you do get into a situation, I want to make sure that you are situated, because if you do get into a situation with your situation, you may end up with a situation, and you may not like that situation.

[1675] Trust me, though, I'm not getting myself into another situation.

[1676] I know how hard it is to be a teen parent.

[1677] You know what, I totally respect that, and I totally respect abstinence.

[1678] I mean, it actually has the word abstinence.

[1679] Come on, I'm the situation.

[1680] I love that.

[1681] Very funny.

[1682] But I'm worried about you and you practicing safe sex.

[1683] I actually practice a whole lot.

[1684] I mean a whole lot.

[1685] Talk about the safe part of that.

[1686] Ah, the safe part, we got the safe part down pat.

[1687] What pile, macnoms.

[1688] You know what?

[1689] I might be able to spare one.

[1690] I mean, you know, I'll give you one.

[1691] It's fine, I avoid situations.

[1692] All right, good, good.

[1693] If you're good in avoiding situations, and you're situated and I'm situated, situations under control.

[1694] Well, I'm glad that we agree on one.

[1695] pause before you play Pause before you play That's probably the most of course What is this a fucking high school video?

[1696] Who made this?

[1697] No, it is.

[1698] What was this on?

[1699] Hold on, what was this on?

[1700] The Candies Foundation?

[1701] What was it on television?

[1702] What was it?

[1703] What was it?

[1704] I don't know.

[1705] It was a PSA, bro.

[1706] Yeah, it's a PSA of some sort.

[1707] Dude, that shit was designed by the terrorists.

[1708] That's designed to lower our standards and weaken our wills and they're going to cross our borders and just start raping and pillaging.

[1709] Totally.

[1710] Motherfucker, that was dumb.

[1711] Holy shit, that was scary dumb.

[1712] It's the situation.

[1713] Hey.

[1714] It's got abs in it.

[1715] It's got to the situation.

[1716] Whoa.

[1717] Whoever wrote that?

[1718] They're just trying not to get...

[1719] You should tie a bicycle chain around your neck.

[1720] They're trying to jump into the ocean.

[1721] They're trying to give the kids a bicycle chain?

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] So that means they can, like, pedal out of it, baby.

[1724] So it'd be slowly drown.

[1725] What?

[1726] I want them to slowly drown.

[1727] A bicycle chain?

[1728] I can swim out swim.

[1729] So I'm dropping you in the middle of the ocean.

[1730] Oh, the middle of ocean.

[1731] I just want, you know, you got to get that chain off first.

[1732] Yeah.

[1733] What I'm saying is, fuck you bitch.

[1734] God damn, man. Jesus.

[1735] Stop knocking the microphone, man. You're a son of a bitch.

[1736] Fuck, aren't you hearing that?

[1737] No, I don't even hear it.

[1738] Does it hurt your ears?

[1739] Yeah.

[1740] Dude, it hurts everybody who's listening to.

[1741] That shit's loud as fuck.

[1742] Okay.

[1743] Here's the situation.

[1744] The situation's parents out town.

[1745] They just don't want people to, like, you know, bang each other.

[1746] Well, what is that about?

[1747] She's pretending she doesn't take dick anymore.

[1748] How dare you?

[1749] Right.

[1750] How dare you?

[1751] And he is, too.

[1752] He's taking, acting like, he doesn't have, like, sex without a condoms or whatever.

[1753] Raw dog, dog chicks?

[1754] Yeah, he's pulling out condoms.

[1755] That dude's had sex in a tanning bed.

[1756] He's probably not wearing a condom.

[1757] You don't think so?

[1758] No. Did you have sex in a tanning bed on the show?

[1759] Probably.

[1760] Well, that's got to be bad for your eyes.

[1761] Have you ever masturbated on a tanning bed?

[1762] No, I have not.

[1763] I sometimes masturbate about the chick that checks me in at the tanning bed because she's so fucking hot and she has huge tits and she's, oh, wait, never mind.

[1764] Well, they say they have a problem.

[1765] They have a problem with women doing that in tanning beds.

[1766] I've heard that.

[1767] The women like to masturbate in tanning beds.

[1768] Who wouldn't want to masturbate in a hot room?

[1769] Right.

[1770] Whoa.

[1771] Who are you in like in a little bubble?

[1772] You got nothing to do for 30 minutes.

[1773] The worst is if you spray, though, and then it's like early on in the tanning, it starts to like sizzle.

[1774] Oh, yeah.

[1775] You're cooking jizz off her?

[1776] on your stomach that's disgusting felt it sounds like it's a little seven -up can by your ear it's a low point of this podcast folks jizz omelets cooking jizz omelets sorry man did it go too far no such price period blood period blood how many times do you walked out of the house with dry loads on your stomach man never never never just throwing a shirt on it said fucking cares my belly like i missed a spot or something like that I feel a little crunchiness his belly button from the night before and we were on Opian Anthony and he was telling everybody he's like oh I'm smelling it hold on a second and he dips his finger in it and he gave it to one of the interns I forget who it was and he made smell it and he almost threw up and then he goes you want to try it I go all right what so he sticks this I mean basically I smelled it so that that dead horrible smell was because I was there it was on the radio fuck it I'll smell it some of his belly load some of his belly load came into my nose in the form of fumes basically.

[1777] I would say no to that, wouldn't you say?

[1778] Yeah.

[1779] Yeah, I should have said no. Well, on the radio, I'm just trying to think if Joe...

[1780] Sure, sure, I'll do it.

[1781] Yeah, but it's the, listen to the radio, when you're on the radio, it's just like on this podcast.

[1782] Everybody's at 10.

[1783] You're just trying to have fun.

[1784] Try to do what's the funniest thing.

[1785] The funniest thing is the guy says, you want to smell my stinky load.

[1786] You go, okay, fuck it.

[1787] Come on, we're on the radio, you know?

[1788] I'll smell your load if you really want me to.

[1789] You know, and he was kind of shocked.

[1790] I was that I was smell on it.

[1791] Can I go to the bathroom?

[1792] Yeah, go ahead, man. It's right on there.

[1793] I'm going to jerk off and put load in my belly button.

[1794] Don't do it.

[1795] Don't do it.

[1796] There's something about the shape of the belly button that makes the loads ferment and fester.

[1797] And again...

[1798] Are you going right now?

[1799] Are you really moving?

[1800] No, he doesn't really have to go the bathroom.

[1801] He's kidding.

[1802] I don't have to go to the bathroom.

[1803] Thanks, dude.

[1804] Brian didn't see it.

[1805] He didn't see the joke.

[1806] Man, good job.

[1807] You didn't even get my jokes.

[1808] It was an awesome joke, Brian.

[1809] You just totally missed it.

[1810] I was doing something.

[1811] I can remember what I was doing.

[1812] We've got it down to a science of how much pot you should smoke before one of these things.

[1813] No, I was finding another video for you and when you guys were talking.

[1814] The stars don't align.

[1815] Align.

[1816] What was another video?

[1817] Another PSA with the situation?

[1818] No. Because I don't know if I can fucking take it.

[1819] Bro, I felt like you wasted moments of my life.

[1820] But at the same time, I think it's a step in the right direction that abstinous people have gone, well, people aren't going to stop fucking.

[1821] So try to wear a condom.

[1822] Yeah.

[1823] Is that what they're doing?

[1824] Yeah, because before people are...

[1825] But the abstinist people are all religious.

[1826] It's all religious people.

[1827] Yeah.

[1828] No one who has a brain is talking about abstinence.

[1829] That's just against human nature.

[1830] You can't stop people from touching each other.

[1831] If that's true, why would they even think for a second that the situation would best represent that PSA?

[1832] I think because they think of him.

[1833] He's the guy who bangs a lot.

[1834] You know, I mean, whatever.

[1835] They're trying to paint it in a nice way.

[1836] I think they just think he's famous.

[1837] I think it's that simple.

[1838] I think it's as simple as, yeah, as simple as he's famous.

[1839] He's in the news.

[1840] If they can get him to do it, people will pay attention.

[1841] Yeah, it's true.

[1842] But that shit is so bad.

[1843] Bad that hold the situation.

[1844] You know, if you get in a situation and her talking, I mean, it's so dumb.

[1845] Joey Diaz.

[1846] It's better not be who I think it is.

[1847] I think it is Joey Diaz.

[1848] How dare he?

[1849] I'm not answering shit.

[1850] So Joey Diaz, we're not fucking picking up the phone, bro.

[1851] I need to remember to unplug this phone.

[1852] Most people don't call me when we're doing the podcast.

[1853] But occasionally, someone gets confused.

[1854] Robot off.

[1855] I know.

[1856] I need one of those, right?

[1857] Yes.

[1858] Just need to unplug it.

[1859] The problem is the base is not in this room.

[1860] I'm a disorganized motherfucker, Brian.

[1861] I wish I had an e -walk.

[1862] I've made great strides, though, in creating this room.

[1863] We actually have, like, a place where we do the podcast every week, and it feels like this is where it all comes from.

[1864] It feels like it's right.

[1865] It's a desk.

[1866] It's like, we've got a soundboard.

[1867] It's all professional equipment and shit.

[1868] You know, a friend of mine just started watching the podcast, and he started with episode one, and he's like, holy shit, dude, like, this is the craziest thing ever.

[1869] Like, you guys are just sitting in front of a laptop, and you had snowflakes coming down and we did all kinds of stupid shit it was like christmas eve or something like that yeah was it something like that yeah we're almost on our year why don't i get any snowflakes uh we don't even we lost that technology listen it's hard enough to keep the image on the air you know with um these uh these u stream feeds like a lot of times it cuts out and a lot of times you know our internet will shut off and it's it's a pain in the ass man you know you just want to make sure that you just where do you get like the most important thing is the audio where do you get a tube that It goes right to the internet.

[1870] I'm not even sure what the internet is.

[1871] Me neither.

[1872] Do you know what it is?

[1873] Like if someone said, hey, you got to go fix the internet.

[1874] It broke.

[1875] I know, like, where would you walk to with your tool belt?

[1876] Like, you're like, is it the end of this hallway?

[1877] I mean, it would be broke forever if it was just left up.

[1878] Yeah, we're stupid.

[1879] Well, you would be like, where the fuck is it?

[1880] And how do you fix it?

[1881] You would have to relearn the whole thing.

[1882] I figure it's like in Tron.

[1883] What's that?

[1884] What about Tron?

[1885] It's going to be very strange when everything's wireless, which is going to be inevitable.

[1886] What are you talking about?

[1887] When it's not as, when it's, you know, when there's no difference between being plugged in and not being plugged in, which is probably inevitable.

[1888] What are you talking about?

[1889] It's like that now.

[1890] Yeah, but it's not totally like that now.

[1891] There's a lot of places that don't have Wi -Fi.

[1892] There's a lot of people that have their computer plugged in.

[1893] This computer's plugged in.

[1894] But there'll be eventually, that's not even an option.

[1895] Like, you don't even, why would you get a plug?

[1896] Are you stupid?

[1897] You just turn it on.

[1898] It just picks it up.

[1899] It's everywhere.

[1900] you know that's that's the next step it's so it's a fucking fascinating shit man fascinating shit where all these computers and it sucks when the shit starts going wrong though like my shit's just all together going wrong at the same time and i feel like i'm just in a disaster right now my computer you've had a bunch of problems and one of them that you shouldn't talk about too much because of the nature of the problem oh you know that one with the software issue oh yeah yeah Yeah, no, no, like...

[1901] You know what I'm saying?

[1902] Right.

[1903] You need a fleshlight?

[1904] No, no, no, like all my shit.

[1905] Oh, hi -five, wait.

[1906] What were you talking about again?

[1907] Put it in your eyeball.

[1908] What?

[1909] No, no, all my shit's, like, breaking at the same time.

[1910] Like, all my, like, my dog decided to eat, my laptop cable, and my battery decided to die.

[1911] My hard drive's dying.

[1912] And then, like, my TV, my, uh, my, uh, HDMI cable shorted out.

[1913] My, my washing machine broke the other day.

[1914] It's like, everything is breaking right now.

[1915] It's the beginning of the apocalypse probably.

[1916] It is.

[1917] A little mini apocalypse.

[1918] technology 2012 I just thought you had like superpowers or something and like to magnetize the broken cables I thought what are you doing?

[1919] I'm putting it inside out that looks fucking disgusting Brian don't do that this is the fleshlight that our guests have to touch man you're abusing it and manhandling it and I feel it's really dirty when you take it out of the sleeve to clean it like it looks really disgusting is that the bottle one this is the one that you actually used remember No, it's not Man, that looks like a real -life Butthole, I have to say, man I've seen a mud hole or two or my time They make an actual mold Of a real live butt hole That someone says Nice Well, you know If you weren't into doing gay porn But they offered you a million bucks For a foam mold of your butthole They said, listen We're going to give you a stone cold solid One million dollars All we need We're just going to throw some plaster of Paris Over your butthole And make a little impression A V?

[1920] Yeah, sell your rubber butthole.

[1921] Would you do it?

[1922] I'll do it for like $16.

[1923] I'm like, $16.

[1924] That's some random.

[1925] Brian, for publicly, for a mold of your butthole.

[1926] This would be like an argument that I'd have to have with my manager.

[1927] Oh, you mean like, don't do it.

[1928] I don't think you should do it.

[1929] Oh, I got to put my name on it?

[1930] It's a million dollars.

[1931] You wouldn't do it?

[1932] Yeah, you got to sell your butthole.

[1933] Are you going to do it?

[1934] Well, I'm putting it out there.

[1935] right now.

[1936] I'm putting it out there to all the would -be -bole toy manufacturers.

[1937] You think the people are going to pay a million dollars for your butt -off?

[1938] No, I don't.

[1939] I don't think that's a little over bright.

[1940] I don't think you get a million dollars.

[1941] I think you're right, but that's my price.

[1942] One million.

[1943] Yeah.

[1944] I won't do it.

[1945] You're pricing yourself out, but I'm not.

[1946] But I'm not.

[1947] If some crazy old gay freak with a lot of cash steps up.

[1948] Let's talk you down.

[1949] Let's talk you down.

[1950] No, what do you mean?

[1951] No, mass -produced.

[1952] How much for mass -produced?

[1953] Who has to be $1 million?

[1954] It's very simple.

[1955] You can't, you wouldn't go down.

[1956] You could get a rubber mold of my butthole, and it will cost you $1 million.

[1957] I think I'm quite clear.

[1958] I would do for $10 ,000, Chris.

[1959] I don't need to negotiate.

[1960] Either way, I'm happy.

[1961] I'm happy if it's yes.

[1962] I'm happy if it's no. I don't care.

[1963] I'm glad you have your price, Joe Rogan.

[1964] If it's no, I keep some self -esteem points.

[1965] I feel good about myself.

[1966] If it's yes, holy shit, I just made a million bucks to lie down with some plastered paris over my butthole.

[1967] All right, let's take it the other way, then.

[1968] Okay.

[1969] Let's do this.

[1970] All right.

[1971] At what point?

[1972] do you sell yourself so bad?

[1973] You know what I mean?

[1974] You can't recover.

[1975] All right, how much money would it take you to, like, suck a horse?

[1976] You know, you can go that far.

[1977] Yeah, yeah, you can go too far.

[1978] You can certainly go too far.

[1979] But could you?

[1980] Okay, how long is it taking a suck of a slice of his dick?

[1981] What if you only had to suck a horse's dick until he came?

[1982] Oh, well, what if would have horses come really quick?

[1983] You know, I don't know.

[1984] I bet they're super sensitive.

[1985] Well, you're talking pre -com or masturbating.

[1986] I'm talking a full load.

[1987] A load.

[1988] A load.

[1989] A load.

[1990] You don't have to swallow it, because you can't.

[1991] Like a pre -cum.

[1992] A pre -cum's probably a 12 -gallon.

[1993] Someone might be able to get fucked by a horse, but I don't see anybody swallow on a horse load.

[1994] All right, you will fucking drown.

[1995] And that's the worst way to call the paramedics when you're drowning by horse load.

[1996] And that shit would happen, man. Remember that old man show guy that would chug the beers?

[1997] Imagine him just trying to keep up without a horse load.

[1998] Well, it's like, of course you wouldn't want to do that.

[1999] Of course it would be a terrible thing to do.

[2000] But what if it was, and this is the ultimate hack premise, but what if it was, for a hundred million dollars or something crazy like that or a billion i know dude suck a horse's dick for an hour for a billion for an hour my bad i should have never said that man we don't have to actually suck it for a whole hour because it probably won't take that long but you're committed you're committed to attempt it for one hour does this have to be a horse or can be a pony what i was thinking that's how juvenile i am yeah i know i'm so juvenile that was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life I just I pause for a second and pictured you blowing a pony that's all I can think of the pony was brown and white too it was really cute wow great so like mine had red ribbons in a fair yeah I was like why does it have red ribbons what is it about little kids that love ponies and horsies and shit like that what is it man no idea having little kids man my daughter loves horses she loves horses and ponies like all little girls is a giant nice animal that you can ride it's like that's like but she doesn't know you can ride it what she doesn't know she's two she doesn't know you can ride a fucking horse that's ridiculous to her she must have seen somebody at a fair she's seen Barbie yeah Barbie right maybe she's seen it on movies she's seen it in movies animated movies for no reason but what it is it about girls and horses what do you think it's something sexual absolutely they they've talked to a few people before and they all say it feels fucking great yeah it's on it's constantly rubbing their pussy If you look at where their sexual organs are They're constantly titty fucking that horse Why do you think I live in an equestrian district And every time I go to Starbucks There's at least four of them in there They are always plain Jane girls Because they can't get any dick So they fucking ride horses They're never hot supermodels They're never fucking fat chicks Plain Jane girls I will make you stop riding horses I agree They're like what that's weird You know Listen I don't believe Come on Really, you believe that?

[2001] All the women that ride horses around me, all the women in my neighborhood who ride horses look like they're getting away with something.

[2002] They're like, I've asked.

[2003] They're smirking and they're looking you in the eyes.

[2004] They're looking in the eye while they're nutting in their jeans.

[2005] Horrible.

[2006] Why there's this huge brown muscle underneath them.

[2007] And it's moving.

[2008] Clip clop, clip, clop.

[2009] Watching iPhone porn as they're riding the, man. You know, that's holding the hair.

[2010] The standard.

[2011] excuse for why a woman lost her hymen her number one excuse was oh she lost it horseback riding right did you know that no I do because you know it was always hey you know they checked to make sure a version what's going on hooker you've been getting dick stuffed in there no I ride horses like oh okay that's cool so it was legit to bust your hymen yeah legit to bust your hymen and bust a nut I bet they do I bet they come out their saddles and make a little holes when they ride really did they yeah stick their dick in there You just made that up You fuck That's what I would do Is that what you would do?

[2012] Fuck yeah I would think of something Like that make a fleshlight Somehow to attach to my saddle So you jerk off If you're driving That thing that you're supposed to hold on On a long road trip you jerk off Just jerk off the whole time I've jerked off once in a car That I can remember Yeah I don't think I did it again I definitely did it once though And I was working And I remember very clearly After I came thinking I'm definitely gonna do this again I'm such an idiot Like being disappointed with myself Like I know I'll be doing it It's not like I just jerked off all over myself while I'm driving once.

[2013] Like, this is going to be a regular occurrence.

[2014] So I'm thinking, this is eventually going to become embarrassing for me. But then what happened, man?

[2015] I just never did it again.

[2016] I don't know what happened.

[2017] I never did it again.

[2018] I guess maybe I just rationalized.

[2019] I looked at like, am I really that horny?

[2020] Am I really that horny?

[2021] Am I just looking to be distracted while I'm driving?

[2022] Like, what am I doing?

[2023] Right.

[2024] You know, this is stupid.

[2025] It's a poor -time management.

[2026] Plus, it's hard to look at your GPS and imagine it's a girl.

[2027] No. Didn't you have a chick that got jealous?

[2028] Yeah, my GPS wants your voice.

[2029] Listen to this.

[2030] He had a fucking GPS thing where it was an English woman's voice.

[2031] Yeah.

[2032] And his girl got jealous.

[2033] She kept on making me change it to guys.

[2034] And then I would download, like, the British chick.

[2035] It was a Tom Tom, and I would download, like, the British chick.

[2036] And she'd be like, what the fuck is the chick?

[2037] Just turn it to the regular guy.

[2038] This is, what do you think she's hot?

[2039] What is?

[2040] Whoa.

[2041] That is so fucking.

[2042] Yeah.

[2043] Crazy.

[2044] Man, so...

[2045] Oh, what kind of a hell would you live in?

[2046] It was when GPS first came out.

[2047] Was it a fiery lava -filled, it was when GPS came out?

[2048] Hot sticker up the ass hell.

[2049] Tell me about that thing.

[2050] It was just when GPS came out and for some reason it annoyed her.

[2051] She's like, didn't like that it was a girl talking.

[2052] But she said, do you think she sounds hot?

[2053] She asked why I just didn't have, like, a normal guy voice.

[2054] She thought it was odd that I always made it like a sexy, you know, like Asian girl speaking English voice or whatever.

[2055] Did you ever, that's what the, they have that option?

[2056] They have like British woman, UK, you know, Asian, American, Asian.

[2057] Did you ever get?

[2058] Really?

[2059] Did you ever get to the point where you were hearing that, where you were going, I have to get out of this relationship?

[2060] No, it came out to the point where they had it where you could make your own recordings of it.

[2061] She did it?

[2062] What the hell is wrong with you, man?

[2063] No, I did.

[2064] You did it?

[2065] Why would I want to hear myself talk to me?

[2066] No, but I want to hear the chick say, I'm like, thanks, lady.

[2067] Or I want to be like, yeah, thanks, baby.

[2068] Like, you know.

[2069] I did it.

[2070] So it's like, turn the fuck up here.

[2071] You know, I just cussed and stuff.

[2072] And she was happy with that?

[2073] Yeah.

[2074] What was she doing?

[2075] We broke up after, I think, around that.

[2076] Bro, I would have broke up with a, oh, my God.

[2077] I would have, I would have kicked her out of the car.

[2078] What if her mom was in the car?

[2079] Have you ever kicked a girl on your car?

[2080] Yeah.

[2081] The way he said it.

[2082] The way you said, yeah.

[2083] Yeah, I kicked you out.

[2084] Yeah.

[2085] But what you were really saying was, of course, stupid.

[2086] Yeah, I was saying, of course, stupid.

[2087] That was my next thing.

[2088] Of course.

[2089] Of course.

[2090] How many, I've only kicked out one girl of my car ever.

[2091] I think it was like high school time, though.

[2092] Like, I was like, dude, get out of my car.

[2093] Like, it was like little kids.

[2094] I had one crazy bitch that I did when I was 21.

[2095] Just off to talk.

[2096] Just love to fight.

[2097] Just loved to, for whatever reason, just start picking fights.

[2098] When you date people, you figure out, like, some people are out of their minds.

[2099] Oh, this one was nuts.

[2100] She used to like to fight.

[2101] And then she used to like me to go, hey, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[2102] Like, stop picking on me. Stop yawning at me. Just fucking chill out.

[2103] You're acting like an asshole.

[2104] Right?

[2105] I'm not doing anything to you.

[2106] And then she would go super submissive.

[2107] It was really crazy.

[2108] And then want to fuck.

[2109] That was like her constant strategy.

[2110] So after what, it was like she wanted to be handled.

[2111] So she wanted to rise up.

[2112] She wanted to say shitty things.

[2113] And it would build.

[2114] She would start with like a little insult.

[2115] And then it would go on and I would ignore it.

[2116] I would try to just like, please, listen.

[2117] on flight and then we get to the point where she would say something really stupid and I have to go hey what the fuck are you doing are we do we like each other why are you talking me like this like what's going on here this is dumb dumb shit like you you're not you're not considering my feelings and then she would go I'm sorry you're right I'm sorry fuck I'm a loser I don't know what's wrong and then she would want to crash and she'd want me to fuck her what is that shit so wait you just like it's it's a game it's a sort of like uh you know it's like a distraction sexual reward you want to fight well it's just they also have that pattern it's usually they the every relationship they've had has had that pattern they have drama with their friends they usually have drama at home it's like some people become addicted to drama and the big thrill you get from sort of overcoming drama you know how many dudes do you know that just like you have to fucking get in a yelling match with this asshole before you can be friends with them you have i mean how many guys have you ever met i mean our circles and circles of guys who train and MMA guys and high testosterone individuals.

[2118] There's always this one guy where you have to go, bro, what the fuck?

[2119] And then he's okay.

[2120] Are you trying to say that about me right now, man?

[2121] I'm just kidding.

[2122] I'm just kidding, bro.

[2123] What the fuck?

[2124] That sounds like something else.

[2125] Hmm.

[2126] Oh, coconut juice.

[2127] It's the shit, isn't it?

[2128] I got a fucking complaint from a young man on Twitter.

[2129] What?

[2130] Saying that the coconut juice, I was steering him wrong.

[2131] That coconut juice tastes like shit.

[2132] Yeah, well, he's gone.

[2133] You got to get the right stuff.

[2134] You got to get the right stuff.

[2135] And, you know, I bet there's some people out there like, man, I like Mountain Dew gold.

[2136] Joe Rogan made me smoke, you know, drink this coconut juice.

[2137] Well, I like Mountain Dew gold.

[2138] I don't have a problem, Mountain Dew.

[2139] No, you know what I'm saying, though?

[2140] They're just like, whatever.

[2141] They drink Mountain Dew every day, and that's it.

[2142] You know, think guys like that.

[2143] Like, the same people that make fun of me for enjoying grape vodka.

[2144] What are you like flavored vodka, faggot, you need to drink Budweiser.

[2145] Sorry for dropping the F -Bomb again.

[2146] You could say whatever you want.

[2147] allowed to do that yeah i don't care i retired not you know i only retired it because i saw that i know i i i stopped knowing it too really yeah you be only because glad i want to say it sometimes because i'm used to it because to me it means something way different yeah i saw that show louis uh uh louis yeah and i and i saw the guy and i was like oh i was like oh i get it now i see why the gay people hate that word it's not correct but it's ph no but to them it's like real hateful heart like like like and i'm like oh to me it's like what we say when we're little kids like you just like whatever fag like you don't mean it at anything like i've been saying it for so long i say that that was a great scene but what what i was saying is not correct is when he was saying that the origin of the word faggot meant that it was you would throw them on the fire just like faggots of wood oh that's not no that's not the correct what they're called etymology is not etymology no the correct one is that a faggot like a bundle of wood was a burden and it was difficult to carry.

[2148] So a woman became a faggot.

[2149] So women were faggots because they were a bundle of wood that was difficult to carry.

[2150] They became burdensome.

[2151] And then when they would talk about guys who were gay, they would call them faggots too because they were women.

[2152] They were just, look at him, he's a faggot.

[2153] He's a burdensome woman.

[2154] That's what the correct...

[2155] So me calling Jason's mom a faggot was actually proper terminology.

[2156] Well, I don't know if his mom was a burdensome woman.

[2157] She might have been a joy to be around and a wonderful companion.

[2158] Like a bundle of wood.

[2159] Could have been.

[2160] I don't know.

[2161] So So that's, but either way, yeah, it's, it's a problem is that it has a different definition for gay people than it does for us.

[2162] Yeah, that's the only reason that I don't want to say it because, oh, my bad.

[2163] When did you, how long ago did you retire?

[2164] I don't know a while ago.

[2165] That's really, uh, whenever I saw that and then, no, because it did, it took a while.

[2166] I saw it and I thought about it.

[2167] And I'm like, yeah, that is like hate, hateful word, like, such a, to them.

[2168] And to me, it's not that way.

[2169] And I understand why people say it, because when you want to, like, disrespect a dude as much as you can.

[2170] then you say that but you're not thinking you're gay like it just has a nice ring to it it just sounds like mean that's why people you know say it but yeah it sounds very dismissed i never said it to gay dude ever i don't bink no i never have either though yeah louis c had that great talk about it unless he was being a faggot yeah he said something about did you all the people from phoenix or phoenicians shut up you faggot you know that's hey you're not about the saying anymore that's i'm just quoting louis c Oh, dude You're just going to start quoting people That's what I'm going to do I'm going to have to say This is how I'm going to keep saying faggot By bringing up that I'm not saying it Until the end of time Well, you know There's always another time Look, you're not going to I'm not going to ignore topics We're not going to pretend It's not real, ladies gentlemen Okay, all I'm saying is I'm not going to use it As a slander, as a slur It's not a slander You're going to be like mad at somebody You can be like If I didn't retire that word faggot right now It would be a proper time to use that issue Howard Yeah One if I can still say fagotry Because that's not even the same word That's like saying niggardly Yeah, that's the tricky That's a tricky word That means stingy It has no origins To it's not related to the word At all No, I know it's so weird The word It's close Nigger I said it I don't give a fuck I'm not calling anybody in it We're just admitting that it's real So you're more scared of gay people?

[2171] No, I'm not saying.

[2172] I'm not calling anyone it.

[2173] I'm just saying that it's a word.

[2174] And sometimes when you're talking about the N word, it's more offensive to me to say the N word.

[2175] Oh, Joe, here we go again.

[2176] We're going again with you.

[2177] You fucking terrible person.

[2178] You call someone's mom a faggot.

[2179] Oh, I did not.

[2180] You called my mom a faggot, bro.

[2181] And I don't fucking forgot about it.

[2182] Jason Teeball.

[2183] He called.

[2184] His mom's gay, and he calls his mom a faggot.

[2185] Oh, really?

[2186] Yeah.

[2187] Brian did.

[2188] He doesn't give a fuck.

[2189] Look at him.

[2190] He's reckless.

[2191] Whatever.

[2192] Brian's doing standard.

[2193] Why?

[2194] Does she have, like, a short haircut or something?

[2195] No, she's a lesbian.

[2196] She's a real lesbian.

[2197] She's a real -life lesbian, and he's running around calling her a faggot.

[2198] Why?

[2199] Because that's Brian.

[2200] That's how he rolls.

[2201] He doesn't give a fuck.

[2202] And the reason I called your mama faggot.

[2203] Yeah, why'd you call my mama -faggot?

[2204] Because she felt as tight like an asshole.

[2205] What?

[2206] What?

[2207] She was tight like an asshole.

[2208] Brian.

[2209] Man. This is the worst showstopper you've ever thrown.

[2210] Why would you say that to Mayhem's mom?

[2211] Dude, my mom downloads the podcast, bro.

[2212] Does your mom download the podcast?

[2213] Yeah.

[2214] Oh, bro.

[2215] Why do you just do that, man?

[2216] What did you just do?

[2217] You're going to have to go back and edit this.

[2218] This is going to be the lost tapes.

[2219] Listen, somebody, somebody tweet me the time here.

[2220] My mom wakes up in like four hours, bro.

[2221] Bro, how dare you, man?

[2222] That is not cool at all, dude.

[2223] Oh, whatever.

[2224] And she's very sensitive about that.

[2225] I'm sure that's a good thing if she was sitting around.

[2226] At least she didn't say you didn't say I was sloppy, you know.

[2227] I'm sure she probably is happy about that.

[2228] But you didn't send you in and you fucked his mom.

[2229] I did not.

[2230] You didn't fuck my mom?

[2231] Well, you, she said she came out here.

[2232] She said you guys talked on Twitter.

[2233] Huh?

[2234] My mom said you guys talked on Twitter.

[2235] How crazy is that LeBron James story where one of his teammates was fucking his mom?

[2236] Yeah, that's crazy.

[2237] Do you know that story?

[2238] Wow.

[2239] One of LeBron's teammates was.

[2240] fucking his mom.

[2241] Makes sense.

[2242] That's got to be rough.

[2243] and what team?

[2244] Miami.

[2245] Yeah, whatever, no, the other one.

[2246] Oh, yeah, in Cleveland?

[2247] There's not a lot to do up there in Cleveland.

[2248] So they just fuck people's moms?

[2249] Yeah.

[2250] This has got to be a lot of things ahead of fuck this guy's mom.

[2251] I'm from Columbus.

[2252] It's true.

[2253] We just fuck each other's moms.

[2254] Dude.

[2255] How happy you when it gets to be like November.

[2256] December.

[2257] I'm not kidding.

[2258] Really?

[2259] My mom is from Columbus, Ohio.

[2260] That makes sense.

[2261] That's where I met her.

[2262] Perfect.

[2263] Fucking Maryville.

[2264] That's where I met her.

[2265] Ryan, you're not letting this go.

[2266] This is horrible.

[2267] man, my mom's gonna be pissed watching this podcast.

[2268] Yeah, man. Mrs. Mayhem, I'm sorry.

[2269] Yeah.

[2270] For my friend Brian, most of what he says is just for comedic value.

[2271] He doesn't really mean that.

[2272] This whole thing is, you can't take anything serious on this podcast.

[2273] I would like to kiss her in the Buckeye.

[2274] It's ridiculous.

[2275] Please don't take anything I say ever anywhere seriously.

[2276] I know.

[2277] That's the problem I have.

[2278] It's not worth it.

[2279] It's not worth it.

[2280] It's too much of an investment.

[2281] Right?

[2282] You know, I wouldn't take anything I said seriously.

[2283] We're just saying silly things because it's fun.

[2284] Yeah, I mean, that's what the beauty of podcasts are, folks.

[2285] You're getting a little window into a retarded conversation that mayhem and I would have probably had with or without you.

[2286] You know, me right?

[2287] Fuck yeah.

[2288] That's one of the coolest things about doing this podcast is basically hanging out with your friends.

[2289] Except other people all throughout the world.

[2290] And I'll tell you, man, I've gotten.

[2291] all these fucking emails and I met all these people that tell me how they don't have anybody like these people they don't know anyone like you or like a lot of the guests that I have they don't know these fucking people they don't have anyone like this in their life they don't have friends at talk about us but by listening to this thing three you know four hours every you know every week or so you get all these weird different people you know become a part of your daily conversations yeah this is like super hyper accelerating shit for some people You know, from people that are living in shitty places where they have, you know, poor conversations with people and they, they long for someone who can, you know, bring challenging ideas to their head.

[2292] Yeah.

[2293] Radio has always been, like, a format of, like, smart people, I think.

[2294] Or people who, like, you want to, like.

[2295] Yeah.

[2296] Communication, you know.

[2297] You want to interact.

[2298] Yeah, exactly.

[2299] I mean, there's obviously a lot of bad shit, like a lot of the right -wing, rah, raw, talk radio is a lot.

[2300] Yeah, but that's like, you know, that's for those people.

[2301] Yeah.

[2302] You know what I mean?

[2303] Like, they want to, people want something to rally against.

[2304] People want something to be a part of.

[2305] So, you know, we all do.

[2306] I do.

[2307] I always wanted to win a radio call -in contest.

[2308] I always wanted to hear my name on the radio when I was driving, like, somewhere.

[2309] Dude, you should totally host, you should totally host some sort of a regular radio show.

[2310] What?

[2311] You could totally do something like that.

[2312] What?

[2313] Host some sort of a regular radio show.

[2314] M .M .A. hour?

[2315] Yeah.

[2316] You could go over to crank up a podcast?

[2317] You could totally do something like for Sirius or something like that.

[2318] It's called blowing your speakers.

[2319] You doing it just, yeah.

[2320] You, an hour.

[2321] I didn't even know.

[2322] One time a week, just throw it in one time a week, do it for an hour.

[2323] Are you offering me a job at Sirius right now?

[2324] I'm telling you, Brian can set up a podcast for you.

[2325] He has a little podcast studio, Red Band Studios, in his house.

[2326] He's rocking right now.

[2327] And we did one with Tom Segura and his lovely wife the other day.

[2328] He's done it with Ari and Jason.

[2329] We have a new one coming up with Sam Tripoli.

[2330] It's all about zombies.

[2331] Really?

[2332] Zombies?

[2333] Sam Tripley's doing a zombie podcast?

[2334] Yeah.

[2335] Starting tomorrow noon.

[2336] What more can you say about zombies?

[2337] I don't know.

[2338] It's going to be interesting.

[2339] They're all pilots.

[2340] I predict by episode three, he'll just start calling people a zombie so I could talk shit about him.

[2341] Yeah, George Bush, he's a zombie.

[2342] See him on TV?

[2343] That fucking...

[2344] It was kind of like that one I used to do with the podcasts, with Joe Diaz.

[2345] It was all about cats.

[2346] But we're like, hey, so let's talk about cat litter.

[2347] Oh, anyways, you used to rape guys.

[2348] You know, it had nothing to do with cats, you know, it was just...

[2349] I've never listened to Joey's podcast, but it's called Beauty and the Beast, right?

[2350] Yeah.

[2351] How is it?

[2352] Yeah, it's pretty good.

[2353] I like it.

[2354] That girl has such a cute voice I could listen to her all day.

[2355] You know, it's just, does he get as worked up when he's with her?

[2356] Does he get crazy and start yelling and shit?

[2357] And sometimes, yeah.

[2358] It's, you know, it's exactly what you would expect Joey T's to be.

[2359] Jason has used to potty.

[2360] You know, who was a big fan of that is Miss Miller.

[2361] Miss Miller used to, we used to drive home, you know.

[2362] I like how you called her Miss. Miss Miller.

[2363] Not Mrs. yeah um miz remember that shit for a while you're trying to rock miss you don't know what i am i don't even know what i don't even still to that's one of those things i just haven't cared enough about to like learn the metric system yeah the metric system the misses the misses and the missers you don't you don't know i still don't know you're adding shit you're like the misser well there's something else you know you don't even think about voting right when voting comes around you're like what i give a fun no i don't want fucking any court dates i don't want to get audited or any i don't want it i don't want to be in the system as much as possible like did you just hear that the the government just closed down like 80 websites the other day just pulled them off the internet well weren't they selling a bunch of pirated shit so i mean can you just overtake somebody that has you know you know what torrents are right they're just like they're not was that what it is it was torrent websites i thought some of them were also like a piracy websites like where people were selling like kind of fit jewelry and okay maybe but it's still kind of weird It's weird that they're allowed to just go, bam, you know.

[2364] I know what you're saying.

[2365] It seems weird.

[2366] Well, you know, obviously it is.

[2367] And it's once they can start shutting down websites.

[2368] But if they're doing, see, it's the tricky thing.

[2369] Like a lot of people, you know, you've got to recognize that the courts have decided that torrents and downloading copyrighted material is stealing.

[2370] You know, I mean, that's how they're looking at it.

[2371] So if the courts are, if they've made decisions like that, and then you're going to run a website or some sort of a torrent site where you're going to, you know, know get people access to a bunch of illegal shit you got to assume that eventually someone's going to shut you down right right i just well like look at the pirate bay i don't know if you got you saw that they just went back lost right they lost and then they lost the the rebuttal or whatever it's called and now they're uh going to jail and it's the website's still up though man it's like wait so some people are going to jail yeah and then they just tore it out on those how do those guys make money how does something like advertising man there's so much advertising on that website it's ridiculous and people pay just to have an ad there because nobody pays attention to those fucking ads right right you don't do when you go to website what's the last time you clicked an ad something has to be absolutely fucking outstandingly interesting yeah but they're the kind that you just go there and it says congratulations you won a gift card to the olive garden click here so it's crappy like websites yeah but nobody like legitimate but they're paying them they must be paying a mad loot right i don't know in order for them to be fighting this like this they're not so you think they're just fighting it just because they want freedom they want to be able to just trade numbers i don't know that's all it is really i think that's the whole point of uh you know you can't bust somebody for having you know you can't bust somebody for stealing of whatever a milly vanilla cd if you don't have the milly vanilla cd on something you're serving you're just pointing it to all these different directions you know i see what you're saying it's like torrents yeah you're going right to the people yeah yeah like torrents are just using like you have a piece of a file on your computer.

[2372] Somebody else has a piece of a file on their computer.

[2373] And all this website, like, Pirate Bay is pointing, like, hey, this is where to go to join this group.

[2374] This is the hallway to walk down.

[2375] Yeah, this is the hallway down there to walk down in this group.

[2376] But it's coming from someone who already bought it, and they should be able to give it away.

[2377] Is that what you're saying?

[2378] No. No, I'm just saying what's...

[2379] Someone somewhere and somewhere had to attain a copy of it.

[2380] Oh, well, yeah, absolutely.

[2381] What I'm saying...

[2382] They bought it or they stole it.

[2383] I'm saying what's scary about the Pirate Bay and what's scary about a lot of these places, is if they don't actually have files on their computer and they're getting arrested for things and what makes it stop then, you know, like you getting arrested because somebody put a torrent file on your form even though it's not hosted on your computer.

[2384] But their whole entire purpose for existing on the internet is to connect people with other people that have things available for download that are illegal.

[2385] Yeah, but so Google has maps and then it tells you where to go to murder people if you want to, you know.

[2386] Oh, but that's a big leap though.

[2387] The whole part, I mean, it's not like Google's called murder.

[2388] Murder Google.

[2389] Well, yeah.

[2390] It's like Google's advertising or...

[2391] Hey, check if they got murder google .com.

[2392] I want to start that.

[2393] Cereal killer, Google.

[2394] I see what you're saying.

[2395] I totally see what you're saying.

[2396] But I also see like that, you know, if these companies, look, for sure, music companies have suffered big time because of the internet.

[2397] Well, yeah.

[2398] They're just going to shake it up.

[2399] Like, eventually, if shit is like, for me, clicking on iTunes is so easy that I go, okay, I'll just click on iTunes.

[2400] Me too.

[2401] You know what I'm saying?

[2402] Like I'll just buy it because and not because I have a boatload of money because I would buy about the same amount of music as I do now.

[2403] But like if I was like super poor.

[2404] But like it's like so easy to do and I don't even want to steal the stuff.

[2405] The only time I ever download something is when it's not available for sale.

[2406] You know, if I can buy it, I buy it.

[2407] I buy everything.

[2408] Irwin's not out yet.

[2409] Yeah.

[2410] It's just they're finding that equalized like pressure.

[2411] And I think that those torrent files, that's an awesome technology.

[2412] like they need to you know use that in legal ways you know what I mean like that's just how it is yeah it's a it's a whole the whole issue is a very tricky issue because on one side you have to say well this you're stifling innovation by stopping all these people from doing all this stuff and by putting on the brakes on all these sites but the other side you go well wait a minute how the fuck are these people supposed to make money you can't just have something for free that I want to sell for $20 on amazon .com you could download it in 10 minutes what I'm saying is it's the same as Oh my God, like CDs are going to make everybody, you know, writable CDs is going to ruin it for the music industry.

[2413] No, they've got to find an equal pressure where the...

[2414] Well, writeable CDs did a little bit of a dent, but the big dent was done by the internet.

[2415] Yeah, of course.

[2416] I mean, look, man, do you remember when there was like record stores?

[2417] Yeah, but they want it ran out.

[2418] Now it's so easy just to click.

[2419] You know, life is getting better, but, you know, some people are going to suffer for sure.

[2420] I'm lucky.

[2421] I live across the street from a record store that does used records and wriggle records.

[2422] So every time I want a CD, I just go there and spend $3 .99 for a used CD, you know?

[2423] Whoa, what's the name of the store?

[2424] Don't say it because then people know exactly where you live.

[2425] Right.

[2426] You live right across the street from it, Brian.

[2427] I was testing you.

[2428] Yeah.

[2429] I've been to an Miba.

[2430] Amba.

[2431] Amba records is pretty dope.

[2432] Miba's sweet.

[2433] You know, it's like some weird link to the past where you're holding a vinyl album.

[2434] Yeah.

[2435] You're like, whoa, this is a disc.

[2436] And you spin this and something scratch is it.

[2437] And how often do you buy a record?

[2438] I'll buy a CD, though.

[2439] I'll buy CD still if I'm in someplace.

[2440] You know, if I'm at Best Buy and I want to listen to something, you know, like, we have a rental car or something like that.

[2441] But now that I have my phone or my iPod hooked up to my car.

[2442] Yeah, exactly.

[2443] That's what I'm saying.

[2444] You have all your media in your hand.

[2445] What I miss, though, is a real DJ.

[2446] I miss DJs.

[2447] What do you talk about?

[2448] There's DJs.

[2449] Oh, radio.

[2450] Yeah, DJs.

[2451] Hey, it's Mayhem and the AM.

[2452] Yes.

[2453] Come on, dude.

[2454] Yeah.

[2455] 96 .7.

[2456] We're getting wacky this morning.

[2457] It's a big drive on the highway today.

[2458] I could see that.

[2459] Mayhem and the a -hem.

[2460] I could see that radio show now.

[2461] You would have to get a black chick sidekick.

[2462] Yeah.

[2463] You would have to get two.

[2464] The first one you're going to fire.

[2465] She's just really, you know, and then the second one will know, listen, bitch.

[2466] You get crazy.

[2467] We're going to fire you.

[2468] This is the Mayhem show, right?

[2469] The Natanya show.

[2470] Oh, man. Wendy Williams will be my sidekick?

[2471] Me and Wendy Williams.

[2472] talking shit about MMA.

[2473] Yo, do you see the fight this weekend?

[2474] Like, and Wendy Williams would be like, no. That's so funny.

[2475] Oh, whatever.

[2476] And you're going to do traffic for me, right?

[2477] And then we got the traffic, we got the seating, the 101.

[2478] Yeah, probably to have traffic, it would be like kittens, would be falling from the sky in his videos.

[2479] Right when you were tuning into the clouds, it'd be some fucking flaming skull face and scares the shit out of you.

[2480] I had a little bit of blood on my toilet bowl seat when I got off today.

[2481] Have you seen that video of that rat attacking?

[2482] cracking cats.

[2483] Wait, is this a Brazilian jungle rat or something?

[2484] It's some crazy rat.

[2485] I don't know where it was, but there's this rat running after these cats and one time bites this one cat and it's stuck to them and the cat's running and trying to shake the rat off.

[2486] This rat doesn't give a fuck.

[2487] These cats are so confused.

[2488] Well, I mean, they're domesticated house cats.

[2489] They're not fighting giant mega monster rats that have been mutated by ooze.

[2490] And you realize when you see that how high rats can jump.

[2491] They jump up to bite.

[2492] Those motherfuckers jump high.

[2493] like an athletic animal.

[2494] Yeah.

[2495] They're pretty loked, man. We're lucky rats are little.

[2496] Rots are big.

[2497] We'd be fuck.

[2498] We'd really be fucked, man. I killed a rat once in my garage, and I left it there because I was lazy.

[2499] That's why I lived in Nincino.

[2500] And it was a big fucking rat, because I used to leave the garbage back there.

[2501] And I would hear, like, these in my garage, like, clang, clang, cling, clang, I would hear these loud -ass noises.

[2502] And I opened up my garage, I opened up the door, and I hit the light switch.

[2503] And this fucking rat moved across my garbage.

[2504] and it was like attack size like it could attack me like this is a big dangerous threatening animal I was looking at this like holy fuck that's a big rat that's called a possum bro it was big dude it was a rat it was but it was big man it was like half the size of the cat how do you know it was a rat?

[2505] Because I killed it so I set up a trap got a rat trap set it up there and I came back and he was fucking big man like big and fat and fucking I'm like this was eating all my garbage I would have put that on Joe Rogan .net if I were you I fucked up this is before I even had Joe Rogan dot net The trap was in his ass.

[2506] If I had acted back then, I would have owned Joe Rogan .com, but I was sleeping.

[2507] That motherfucker.

[2508] To me, he's one of my greatest losses.

[2509] He's a real estate guy, very nice guy, from Boise, Idaho.

[2510] He wanted a shitload of money for it.

[2511] He wanted, like, 80 grand, something crazy.

[2512] I was like, what?

[2513] I'm like, I can't give you that much money, man. I have not .net.

[2514] They can find it.

[2515] You know, now with Google, if you want to find my website, you can find it.

[2516] It's not that hard.

[2517] I can't give you that much for fucking .com, crazy asshole.

[2518] I know, yeah.

[2519] You're Joe Rogan.

[2520] Give me some money.

[2521] There's another guy that has an issue with that.

[2522] Tom Green.

[2523] Why?

[2524] Because there's another dude named Tom Green.

[2525] You're on there tomorrow, by the way, right?

[2526] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2527] I'm doing Tom Green's...

[2528] What time are you doing it?

[2529] I don't know.

[2530] It's a good question.

[2531] Tom Green's a podcast tomorrow.

[2532] Nice.

[2533] I guess Kevin Smith has some sort of a whole podcast, like a studio set up.

[2534] Oh, yeah?

[2535] Just to do podcast.

[2536] Yeah.

[2537] Podcast are fucking taking off.

[2538] They are.

[2539] They are.

[2540] How about Mayhem and the Aham?

[2541] A podcast.

[2542] Mayhem and the A. If you want to do it, man, we could set it up.

[2543] We could do it at Brian's place.

[2544] You can come to my house.

[2545] You can't rape him now, man. No rape.

[2546] Who, Eric?

[2547] You.

[2548] My, Chris.

[2549] I must not have to rape me. Chris over here.

[2550] He can't.

[2551] His name's fucking Eric, bro.

[2552] That's today.

[2553] He used to be Chris, which is for the record.

[2554] He changed his name.

[2555] Brian first.

[2556] But then Chris after he met you and then Eric after today.

[2557] Yeah.

[2558] I always can't remember your name.

[2559] Yep.

[2560] Because it's so, you're a red band.

[2561] I can't call you.

[2562] I get a nickname in my head for somebody.

[2563] You don't think I'm Eric.

[2564] I know you don't like me. You're just trying to play with my emotions.

[2565] Dude, you're like that fucking laugh, this whole attitude you have towards life.

[2566] I'm not scared to be around mountain lions and sharks and shit like that.

[2567] Why would you be?

[2568] Man, whatever.

[2569] I'm not saying, look, I'm not saying you're wrong.

[2570] I'm not saying you wrong.

[2571] I think everybody's scared to be around.

[2572] think you only think about it more though yeah you're constantly thinking i'm too too aware i just feel like i'll deal with that when when it comes up like i'm like oh right now i'm to live my life and then i see a fucking mountain lion right while i'm mountain biking which makes sense because they both have mountain in them i would fucking deal with it then it's a very weird weird thing when you lock eyes with a big predator like a mountain lion in the wild you know i only locked eyes with The one that I saw, I only locked eyes with it for a couple seconds.

[2573] But that's a very weird moment.

[2574] You saw it with your dog?

[2575] Don't you have a giant dog?

[2576] Yeah, my giant dog was inside.

[2577] Oh, yeah.

[2578] It was my little dog that was outside that got jacked.

[2579] My giant dog is a big nastiff.

[2580] Yeah, my, no, no, no. My mastiff was injured.

[2581] So he had injured his paw.

[2582] So I left him in the house.

[2583] Yeah.

[2584] They didn't want him running around up in the mountains.

[2585] Yeah.

[2586] They would run all over the place up there.

[2587] Just get, you know, they'd get a pack.

[2588] There's three of them together, and they would have a good time.

[2589] Just go run and play.

[2590] And that kept.

[2591] animals away.

[2592] But I have a bulldog, and he's lazy.

[2593] And then this little dog, which is a Chihuahua, um, excuse me, Pomeranian, uh, American Eskimo mix.

[2594] And that one is the one that got jacked.

[2595] Because he was out there wandering around basically by himself.

[2596] He's only 20 pounds.

[2597] And he doesn't have his 140 pound buddy to look over his shoulders.

[2598] Yeah.

[2599] And he doesn't have the bulldog because the bulldog is, you know, would go with them.

[2600] If the two of them were going, even though he's lazy, he would go with them.

[2601] Yeah.

[2602] So there was a lot of action there.

[2603] There was a pack.

[2604] They'd keep the animals away.

[2605] But something had been stalking my house for a while.

[2606] Because the dogs would just go crazy.

[2607] They'd be on the porch.

[2608] You'd start barking at the top of their lungs.

[2609] And, you know, you'd hear things like snapping in the distance in the dark.

[2610] It's a trip, man. Do I have to worry about, I probably don't, but I'm pretty much, I'm pretty sure I don't have to.

[2611] If I was you.

[2612] Crows.

[2613] Yes.

[2614] Crows don't, like, kill dogs, right?

[2615] Did you not see the movie?

[2616] Well, I'm not talking about.

[2617] Alfred Hitchcock?

[2618] Brandon.

[2619] Crows are ruthless.

[2620] Crows are ruthless, right?

[2621] Yeah, they'll kill your dog.

[2622] There's this, like, coppersie.

[2623] think they can there's this guy in this girl crow they just sit out and like make these clicking noise like like the whole time and then and then my dog will come out there and just be like looking up at it and then once in a while the crow just swoops down doesn't like attack it or anything but it's kind of like he's just like about to do it yeah seeing if you can eat it I left a steak outside it was partially thawed and not totally thawed and I was going to barbecue so I left a steak outside for 10 minutes I came back there was two crows on it just jacking this steak just pulling out chunks of the meat squawking And I chased them off.

[2624] Yo, dude, fuck, yeah, you have to wear it.

[2625] You can't, like, leave your dog outside if that's what you mean.

[2626] Dude, in Japan, they have monster clothes.

[2627] Your dog's three pounds, and she's a whore.

[2628] Three pounds?

[2629] She's a three -pound whore.

[2630] I'll come out, my dog's fucking the crows.

[2631] Yeah, the crows are gang -banging your dog.

[2632] You get over.

[2633] You missed the story.

[2634] He brought his dog to a party where a bunch of people had dogs, and they all took turns just gang -bang and his dog.

[2635] Some at the same time.

[2636] All the dogs did?

[2637] Ten dogs.

[2638] It's a giant pile on.

[2639] What a slut.

[2640] Yeah.

[2641] Man, I love her.

[2642] Twixie.

[2643] Sweet Twixie, Vixie.

[2644] My hot dog is gay, for sure.

[2645] Is he?

[2646] Oh, yeah.

[2647] He had, like, a little tiny, like, dog, a two -pound dog like that he was talking about.

[2648] And he was, like, not interested, but, like, he had this little, like, tight, athletic, muscular little dude dog.

[2649] And he was just, like, all over it, banging him, front headlock, banging him.

[2650] Really?

[2651] Yeah, I was like, what are you?

[2652] All right.

[2653] Like, wow, you're into dudes, huh?

[2654] Did he stop?

[2655] I guess, I figured if I was just.

[2656] running around with just like a collar on i would be you know whatever the the line is blurred at that point the line is blurry like you're you're you're running around the color you're a wild animal whatever if the females in heat then it becomes very clear yeah that's what i mean he was sniffing at the kukiku too like quite a bit he's like my pit bull was um he was in agony one night like in serious serious agony where i thought he said something wrong with him like he's got cancer or something this is crazy he was like whining and yiping and i'd come near him like what's up okay and I'm like whoa this is crazy my dog's fucked up like you'd go down the stairs and he'd be like limping as he was going down the stairs and you jerked him off I feel real sad I'm like my dog's gonna die something's wrong with my dog I gotta get him to the vet this is horrible he's like whimpering so I take him to the vet he the vet looks at me he starts checking out my dog's balls yeah checking out his dick and he's like you see this right here see how inflamed this is okay there's a dog in your neighborhood that's in heat and that's what's going on.

[2657] I'm like, whoa.

[2658] Really?

[2659] He's in agony from his heart on.

[2660] His dick was so swollen.

[2661] It was so like the glands, like here's the balls, and then there's these weird glands by the side of the dick that are just like...

[2662] My dog has that sometimes.

[2663] Yeah.

[2664] Well, is your dog fixed?

[2665] No. No, my dog isn't either.

[2666] Is he jerk your dog off?

[2667] That's what I just said.

[2668] I said, he should have jerk the dog off.

[2669] They can't do anything.

[2670] You can't if you want to jerk your dog off.

[2671] You can't.

[2672] I'm sure it would help.

[2673] But then...

[2674] Red Rocket.

[2675] How many times are you going to do that in a row?

[2676] If I had to do it every, I don't know, a couple weeks, I guess I could do that.

[2677] I mean, he's a good friend.

[2678] My friend, Dimitri used to jerk off his dog.

[2679] I'm going to answer the phone.

[2680] It's right there.

[2681] Same person.

[2682] Disrespectful fucks.

[2683] They don't know if we're on the podcast right now.

[2684] You know what it tells me?

[2685] It tells me they're not watching, man. They're not friends.

[2686] They just hurt my feeling.

[2687] Same person keeps calling, man. They don't find you on Twitter.

[2688] What the fuck?

[2689] It's probably.

[2690] It's over, folks.

[2691] With that ring comes the end.

[2692] That is the end of the show.

[2693] There's no reason to keep going.

[2694] It's 8 .30, 8 .30 p .m. It is late.

[2695] Oh, man. Fuck.

[2696] Mayhem Miller, you are always one of the most fascinating people to talk to.

[2697] Thanks, bro.

[2698] Always a fun guy to be around.

[2699] Mayhem, by the way, writes a really great article in Fight Magazine.

[2700] He's one of my favorite writers.

[2701] Now, I'm not bullshitting, not just as a fighter.

[2702] And I told him very early.

[2703] early on i'm like dude you've got like real talent and i really hope you write a book someday because i think you could write some crazy hunter -ass thompson shit his writing is really good thanks man i mean it's it's the latest one you appreciate because i'm in rio de janero oh all right and you're writing about your experiences because you were there for a couple weeks right no yeah yeah so i was out there for a while so i like did everything well what what tell me about that real quick before we take off i don't know because what what is rio like man man is it scary read the article it's awesome i'm gonna read the article yeah i don't Give us a little taste.

[2704] I see the article.

[2705] I'm here right now.

[2706] That's like a whole.

[2707] That's like a whole new.

[2708] I don't know.

[2709] It's crazy.

[2710] It was like the next level.

[2711] I don't know.

[2712] I always had my preconceived notion.

[2713] Right.

[2714] About Brazil due to movies and due to, you know, whatever the hell is going on.

[2715] Right.

[2716] And, you know, like my friends, my Brazilian friends, the fighters, what they tell me about it.

[2717] I have a new found respect for that city.

[2718] And I understand my Brazilian friends a little bit more now.

[2719] really yeah so the article really i can just see why they think that everything it like they have such passion for their for their country because everybody there has a lot of passion like it's like that like it's a passionate place like people love to do stuff like people are good at things and like they really love it and it's the stuff that's dirty is supposed to be dirty like it's kind of dirty of course but it's supposed to be dirty what do you mean like you say dirty but in a bad way that sounds bad but it's like the streets are dirty everybody drives with like a vengeance like right they drive crazy yeah drive crazy but it seems skillful I saw less car wrecks there than I ever saw here in L .A. Well it's all what you get used to you know right you get used to that sort of hyper driving yeah everybody's used to it it's like exactly everybody just drives through I don't know man there's so much to fight magazine we'll have it man for December I got to check it out Check out the article Did you see anything crazy while you're there Any violence anything nutty I mean I saw In the favelas No we went to the favelas We went to a couple times To like the ghetto Like yeah we went to the favelas And I you know I write about that in this article too man About going there And people are like Collecting rainwater And these drums You know to To drink Yeah to drink They're poor And they have like They're tapping into the Telephone holes to get electricity yeah and like the streets are all jagged and people own that area you know like the drug dealers own the favelas and stuff but they have the boppies coming in like which are the Brazilian like kick -ass police force they're like the police station that you know is right there in the middle of the thing and everyone's running out like the the you can it feels like a military presence instead of like army the ones that they have they taken over and been nice again Wow.

[2720] Yeah, it's crazy.

[2721] There's a big article, I think it was in CNN this morning about that, but there's tanks moving back in.

[2722] Yeah, right now it's like, yeah, a little bit of like some.

[2723] I, I, I, Marcel Alonzo, this journalist that I was out there with, he kind of told, you know, he kind of told me that it's dying down right now, but there's like a lot of guys, the drug dealers doing crazy terrorist stuff right now in Rio.

[2724] It sucks that that's happening right now.

[2725] But when I was, I was in Sao Paulo in 2000.

[2726] And a friend of mine went back in 2008, I believe it was, and he was arrested.

[2727] They were, there was so many, there was so much violence between the police and the drug dealers that they were closing down streets and highways.

[2728] And they were driving to a chuhascaria with some business clients.

[2729] And everybody was pulled out of the car at gunpoint.

[2730] They had fucking, you know, they wanted to make sure that they weren't, they were in a nice car and they didn't know who these people were.

[2731] And they wanted to make sure they weren't drug dealers.

[2732] So they were just pulling people out and sticking guns in their faces.

[2733] Yeah, of course.

[2734] He said it was pretty fucking scary because they were killing.

[2735] police officers' families.

[2736] They would go to their family and just kill everyone.

[2737] Really?

[2738] Yeah.

[2739] They were doing it for a while, man. They were declaring war on the police officers.

[2740] It was pretty loked out.

[2741] No way.

[2742] Yeah.

[2743] Yeah.

[2744] Yeah.

[2745] Brazil.

[2746] You know, and the crazy thing about Brazil is, you know, Brazil's a beautiful, insane, like, tropical jungle country.

[2747] And the favelas, where all, like, the chaos is taking place, is above the regular city.

[2748] I know, yeah.

[2749] Rio, which is, like, the main city is in the bottom.

[2750] Yeah.

[2751] And then where the beautiful view is, that's all the projects.

[2752] Yeah, of course.

[2753] They have the richest, most beautiful view, like, in the world.

[2754] Yeah.

[2755] You know, and they're living in, like, cardboard houses and shit.

[2756] Yeah.

[2757] No, they put that stuff together on their own.

[2758] Like, it's, like, crazy.

[2759] Yeah.

[2760] But, you know, I mean, I can understand why people love the country.

[2761] You know what I mean?

[2762] Like, I can understand why.

[2763] It's definitely a passion -filled country, man. Yeah.

[2764] That's what I mean.

[2765] Yeah, it's great, man. I don't know.

[2766] I had a great experience out there.

[2767] Like, it was just.

[2768] They're a con. The economy is booming right now, too.

[2769] Yeah, exactly.

[2770] They have so much going on right now, and they also found oil off the coast of Brazil.

[2771] So, like, there's a lot of money in Brazil right now.

[2772] Their economy's not fucked up like ours is.

[2773] It's moving in a better direction.

[2774] They're talking about doing a UFC there eventually.

[2775] That would be fascinating.

[2776] But, you know, you talk to, like, Vinnie Magales.

[2777] Yeah, Vinny.

[2778] Yeah, baby Vinny.

[2779] Yeah, sure.

[2780] He was talking about the, on the underground, he was talking about doing a UFC in Rio.

[2781] and he posed, I think it was him.

[2782] We posted some link of some, no, somebody else posted the link of the Formula One drivers.

[2783] Formula One drivers were in Sao Paulo and they got fucking shot at in their armored car.

[2784] Like they tried, someone was trying to carjack them.

[2785] They were in armored cars.

[2786] What?

[2787] Yeah.

[2788] They're trying to kidnap them.

[2789] Damn.

[2790] Yeah.

[2791] Kidnap them or just robbed them, robbed them at gunpoint, hoping they could get some watches or something.

[2792] Oh, crazy.

[2793] A buddy of mine was there.

[2794] And he was with a friend of his that was, doing something and he had like a pocket full of money and he had it like in his in his lap and he was like looking through it and trying to fish through it and as he was doing this a guy came up in a motorcycle looked at his gun or looked at his money pulled out a gun tapped on the windshield you know told the guy to pull over and they just robbed him they robbed everybody just stuck a gun in their face and just took everybody he said the guy would just drive around looking in people's cars to see if they had nice watches or what they had that looked cool and they would just steal it man yeah You might be in the wrong place, the wrong time, son.

[2795] That's me, bro.

[2796] The voice of doom.

[2797] Dude, you are.

[2798] You're the most bumming me out guy on earth right now.

[2799] Like, I'm not like, Joe Rogan is scared of the world.

[2800] It's not.

[2801] I'm just aware.

[2802] I'm not scared of.

[2803] Yeah, you just pay attention.

[2804] Don't get jacked.

[2805] But, you know, as a person who's constantly thinking about shit, I always have to be aware of all the variables.

[2806] You think way too much, bro.

[2807] You think so?

[2808] I think so.

[2809] I think you think a lot.

[2810] You think so, too?

[2811] I think you think deep into some things you don't need to think that deep.

[2812] Can't help it, though.

[2813] It's probably.

[2814] a sickness.

[2815] It's a sickness that manifests itself as an excellent career.

[2816] You know, the sickness of constantly thinking about shit and breaking things down to the finest minutia.

[2817] That's true.

[2818] Isn't that OCD though or something?

[2819] Something probably like that.

[2820] That's awesome.

[2821] Makes sense.

[2822] The hard thing with me is just finding the right things to break down, things that are productive to tune my energy to because you can easily get lost.

[2823] That's what I'm saying.

[2824] That's what I'm saying.

[2825] You're like...

[2826] Or online arguments or video games or you can get lost in a bunch of like unhealthy channels hopefully you got some like good stuff though that you oCD about like but hole tidiness and like trimming and stuff like that you the show was going to end and it was going to be fine right there and you had to come in brian no man he wants to talk about your butthole he's all about buttholes i told you bro one million one million one million okay and no less and i don't need that million bucks i'll tell you that right now i would like it i'd like it but if i don't get it i'll be okay god damn it That was a good time.

[2827] Yeah, it was always a good time with you, my friend.

[2828] Mayhem Miller at Twitter.

[2829] I'm so hungry right now.

[2830] Okay, cool.

[2831] I got another coconut juice for you, fellow.

[2832] Yeah.

[2833] Brian's Twitter is Red Band.

[2834] We want to thank the Flashlight for sponsoring the podcast.

[2835] And again, if you would like to feel what it feels like to masturbate to one of those fine, sweet bitches, all you have to do is go to Joe Rogan.

[2836] And click that Flashlight link and you get 15 % off when you put in the code name.

[2837] What is it?

[2838] Rogan.

[2839] Rogan, very simple.

[2840] The tickets for the New Year's Eve show at Mandalay Bay will go up very shortly.

[2841] We should have all that done within a couple of days.

[2842] And as soon as I get it done, I'll let you guys know.

[2843] And we might be doing one more podcast this week.

[2844] We're going to try to get Ralphie Mae in here on Wednesday.

[2845] Oh, I just hung out with Ralphie Mae.

[2846] He's awesome.

[2847] If Ralphie's got the time off, we've got to talk to him.

[2848] All right, bitch, I love you.

[2849] And I'll see you soon somewhere.

[2850] Maybe not even see you, but I'll be there.

[2851] and you'll be there too and let's pretend we're all in the same place.

[2852] What?

[2853] Is this iced tea?

[2854] Is this iced tea saying suck my dick?

[2855] No. Yeah, dude.

[2856] Sounds like it.

[2857] This sounds like a black guy but not too black.

[2858] Yeah, he's cool guy.

[2859] Not like Africa black.

[2860] You know, he's not like Czech Congo black.

[2861] You know what I'm saying?

[2862] He's light skinned.

[2863] He's light skinned.

[2864] He might even rock an afro just to try to accentuate his more African side.

[2865] Yeah, but he has braids in the summer.

[2866] Yeah, because if he had a shaved head, you might think he was an arrow or something, right?

[2867] Yeah, maybe.

[2868] Light -skinned.

[2869] Probably, light -skinned.

[2870] Maybe even got a little bit of, like, white features, which is why he's got such an extra -aggressive attitude.

[2871] He's trying to, like, prop himself up, that you know.

[2872] You're racist.

[2873] Here, him, here.

[2874] That's not racist, bro.

[2875] This is observant.

[2876] I see I break it all down.

[2877] I know him to look.

[2878] all right folks most likely we'll be back on wednesday i'm doing the tom green thing tomorrow i don't have any details that's tom green's thing you can follow him on twitter i think it's tom green live that's it bitches i love you and i'll see you next week or sometime soon or or wednesday