The Public Speaking Expert: This Speaking Mistake Makes People Ignore You! These Small Mistakes Make You Unlikeable!

[0] You have this ability to become confident in every single area of your life.

[1] It's about us just learning a new series of behaviors.

[2] For example, there's something called a siren technique.

[3] In three, two, and one, I eaters.

[4] I'm crazier than usual.

[5] Fantastic.

[6] That's fantastic.

[7] You did a great job, right?

[8] Okay.

[9] And then this next one is volume.

[10] So critical.

[11] Because if I just increase my volume and I talk like this, I sound a little bit aggressive, don't I?

[12] But with volume, to highlight something, you could go very quiet.

[13] It's about waking people up to the power of their voice.

[14] And we all have access to these tools.

[15] Let's go through all five.

[16] Vin Jiang is the award -winning speaker and communication expert who helps people harness the power of their voice and body language in all areas of their life.

[17] Just so overwhelming of how many people are suffering with not being able to communicate.

[18] They're asking, I'm introverted.

[19] Does that mean that I'm doomed?

[20] How do I become more confident?

[21] How do I speak on the spot?

[22] And we think there's no way for me to ever change this.

[23] It's super sad because I lived a massive part of my life like that.

[24] I was the awkward kid.

[25] I couldn't communicate.

[26] And then there's hand gestures to level up your physical presence.

[27] And then a simple framework that helps build connection.

[28] There's so many other...

[29] And we're going to go through them.

[30] But some people do have severe social anxiety.

[31] What do you say to those people?

[32] The first thing I would do is...

[33] I find it incredibly fascinating that when we look at the back end of Spotify and Apple and our audio channels, the majority of people that watch this podcast haven't yet hit the follow button or the subscribe button, wherever you're listening to this.

[34] I would like to make a deal with you.

[35] If you could do me a huge favor and hit that subscribe button, I will work tirelessly from now until forever to make the show better and better and better and better.

[36] I can't tell you how much it helps when you hit that subscribe button.

[37] The show gets bigger, which means we can expand the production, bring in all the guests you want to see and continue.

[38] to doing this thing we love, if you could do me that small favor and hit the follow button, wherever you're listening to this, that would mean the world to me. That is the only favor I will ever ask you.

[39] Thank you so much for your time.

[40] Back to this episode.

[41] If you had to summarize what it is you do fundamentally and why you do it, how would you summarize it?

[42] I help people learn that they have access to one of the most beautiful instruments in the world that can help them negotiate whatever reality.

[43] their desire.

[44] And I learned this through my first -ever vocal teacher, Miss Stanley.

[45] And I'll never forget this experience.

[46] There's a dingy music corner in South Australia and I would go there for lessons.

[47] And at the first time I met her, I walked into the room.

[48] She's an old lady.

[49] And she says nothing to me except the words, sit down, young man. So I sit.

[50] It feels super awkward.

[51] It feels super weird.

[52] And then she plays one key nonstop on the piano for two minutes.

[53] Literally, I was like, oh, shit, this is like something out of a horror movie.

[54] And then she turns around, she goes, how do you feel?

[55] I said, nothing weird, awkward, what?

[56] And then she goes, good, turns around, plays this beautiful song called Mariage d 'Amour.

[57] Goes over for two minutes.

[58] And then she turns around, she goes, how do you feel?

[59] And I said, ah, weirded out from before still.

[60] But I feel, wow, that song had love.

[61] There was lust.

[62] There was romance.

[63] There was excitement.

[64] And she goes, good.

[65] Honey, most people go through life speaking like this.

[66] I'm going to teach you how to speak like this.

[67] And that's, to me at the time, I remember thinking to myself, that is the greatest sales pitch I've ever heard in my life.

[68] Because I'm now going to sign up for 12 classes with you because you've just helped me realise something I've been struggling with my entire life.

[69] I haven't been thinking about my voice as an instrument.

[70] I thought it was a tool.

[71] What do you do with a hammer?

[72] You use a hammer.

[73] What do you do with a screwdriver?

[74] You use a screwdriver.

[75] What do you do with the piano?

[76] You play with it.

[77] What do you do with the violin?

[78] You play with it.

[79] And she started to teach me that I have this instrument that depending on how I play it, it changes and shifts how others feel.

[80] How much do you think that will change the trajectory of someone's life?

[81] Like, what is the impact?

[82] If I get really good at communication, why does it matter?

[83] I was invisible, my...

[84] entire childhood.

[85] I was invisible.

[86] I wasn't the cool kid.

[87] I wasn't the good -looking kid.

[88] I wasn't the charismatic kid.

[89] I wasn't the funny kid.

[90] I wasn't the anything kid.

[91] And by learning this skill, I've been able to negotiate an incredible reality.

[92] And that's why I love Tim Ferriss' quote so much.

[93] Reality is negotiable.

[94] Cool.

[95] Well, what skill do we use to negotiate the reality we desire?

[96] It's our ability to communicate.

[97] Teaching that to others.

[98] has been one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done.

[99] And I genuinely believe that makes the world a better place.

[100] And I almost sometimes feel like I'm just here to tune pianos.

[101] I'm here to help people tune and fix and learn how to play.

[102] And I get so much fulfillment from that.

[103] My parents have this fundamental belief.

[104] It's so beautiful.

[105] They believe every child is born with a diamond, with a gift, with something in them.

[106] So I found one of my diamonds early on.

[107] It was magic.

[108] So I was really good at magic.

[109] They hoped it was medicine, accounting, the Asian prophecy.

[110] So when I found that diamond being magic, I thought that all I had to do was get really good technically as a magician because that's what I was taught at university, being an accountant.

[111] Oh, if you become really technically proficient as an accountant, you'll become an amazing accountant.

[112] You'll be...

[113] You get the BMW, you get everything, get partner.

[114] So I thought, OK, magic, same thing.

[115] Get really good technically.

[116] Spent thousands of hours in my bedroom by myself in front of a mirror practising magic.

[117] Got nowhere because I was missing an ingredient.

[118] Magicians call it showmanship.

[119] Fancy word for communication skills.

[120] We're both inspired by the same person, I believe.

[121] One of the people we're inspired by is Derren Brown.

[122] Impeccable showmanship.

[123] Impeccable technical skills.

[124] So when you pair technical skills with great communication skills, that's when you thrive, I believe.

[125] Because let's say, for example, you're technically brilliant, you're a 10 out of 10 technically, but you're 3 out of 10 with your communication skills.

[126] Do you think people perceive you to be a 10 out of 10 or a 3 out of 10?

[127] And you know this hearing so many different pitches.

[128] Some of the greatest ideas have flown under your radar without you noticing because the founder didn't do it justice.

[129] It's an interesting idea to think that we might rise or fall to the level, not of our technical ability, but our communication skills as it relates to how the world perceives us.

[130] And it's both.

[131] The importance there is both.

[132] Whereas I feel like we get stuck into this world where we think, oh, it's one or the other.

[133] And all my students always ask me this.

[134] Which one should I focus on?

[135] And I say, well, the reality is both.

[136] It's not as simple.

[137] It's both.

[138] Because if I have great showmanship and when it comes to doing sleight of hand, I suck.

[139] That's not going to work either.

[140] The people that I've been able to help the most in my career so far are the people who are technically so amazing at what they do.

[141] And they've been hidden away in the back office as a technician.

[142] And then bloody Brad always gets the promotion, right?

[143] Brad always gets it.

[144] Ah, damn it, Brad got it again.

[145] Brad's not smart as me. Brad is not as good as me, right?

[146] And it's because Brad talks better.

[147] He's more visible in the work environment.

[148] You really think it often comes down to just how we speak and communicate?

[149] Our value, yes.

[150] Because if you can't communicate your value in a way that is clear and concise, people, it's not their responsibility to see the brilliance that exists within you.

[151] It's, I believe, your responsibility to learn how to shine your light brightly.

[152] It's super sad because I lived a massive part of my life like that.

[153] English is my third language.

[154] The first language I learned is a Chinese dialect.

[155] Not that impressive.

[156] My wife speaks five, but thank you.

[157] The first language I learned was a Chinese dialect called Dijiu.

[158] Second language I then had to learn fluently is Vietnamese.

[159] So I had to learn all these different languages growing up.

[160] These were my first two core languages that if I wasn't proficient in it, grammar would be pissed off, mum would be pissed off.

[161] So we had to study it.

[162] And then I went to school and had to learn English.

[163] So I went to school.

[164] I was completely invisible.

[165] I couldn't communicate with any other kid.

[166] They couldn't communicate with me. So what do kids do?

[167] Oh, it's too hard.

[168] I'll just ignore you then.

[169] They bully you?

[170] Oh, yes.

[171] I didn't even know it was bullying because I couldn't understand them.

[172] I could kind of read what they seemed mean, but I had no idea what they were saying.

[173] So I spent so much of my childhood, especially in those single -digit years around five, six and seven, it is super sad, but I just spent a lot of time in the toilet because I didn't want to deal with the shame of being seen by myself.

[174] So I just hid.

[175] I just found a corner somewhere and no one...

[176] And then gradually I started to learn English.

[177] But even when I learned English...

[178] I sounded funny because I had an accent.

[179] So then they called me fob, F -O -B, fresh off the boat.

[180] And they just kept calling me, oh, there's the fob, there's the fob.

[181] Oh, he's so fobby.

[182] So then even though I learned the English language now, I'm scared to speak it because I don't want to sound like a fob.

[183] And there were all these challenges.

[184] So I know what it's like to feel invisible.

[185] I know what it's like to be ignored.

[186] That was a long time ago.

[187] And I guess the question that it leaves me with is how easy is it for someone to learn?

[188] Like what is the time span that it would take from the experience you've had with teaching people to make a radical change in your communication skills?

[189] It depends on your level of desire and motivation.

[190] If you really want it.

[191] I'd say three to six months.

[192] You think you can change your communication skills in a radical way in three to six months?

[193] I've seen it.

[194] I've seen students do it.

[195] It's when instead of just thinking about I'm trying to learn a new habit, it's what James Clear says.

[196] You adopt a new identity where they adopt that new identity.

[197] Because one of the things I do is I share that story about my schooling experience at the beginning of my in -person classes and I say, I want you all to imagine now you're at a new school.

[198] No one here in this room with us right now has any preconceived idea of who you are.

[199] Break the mould.

[200] Break it.

[201] And then you see grown adults.

[202] do things they wouldn't normally do, break out of the world, play with their voice, be a little silly, reconnect with their inner child.

[203] And then in that moment, they fall so deeply in love with that version of them because of the reactions they've been able to get from all these strangers around them that they commit to it.

[204] It's when you experience that change in the moment, it usually leads to a fairly profound desire after that.

[205] Oh, I want to become this now.

[206] But then they make a big mistake.

[207] And the biggest mistake they make is they'll go home to their partner and who has no context of the experience they've been through.

[208] And they've just went, oh, I've been quiet with my voice my entire life.

[209] And they'll go, new me, new year, new me, honey.

[210] And then their partner goes, oh, why are you doing that with your voice?

[211] Oh, you learned that from Vin?

[212] That's gross.

[213] Why are you doing that?

[214] It's so fake.

[215] It's so inauthentic.

[216] And then they revert back to who they have always been their entire life.

[217] What areas of one's life have you seen in those examples change when someone learnt communication skills?

[218] Because the examples we've given so far are just like work.

[219] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[220] with their children.

[221] This has been the coolest part because I'm a dad.

[222] I get, I teach a concept called vocal foundations, which we can dive into later.

[223] And there's these beautiful five core vocal foundations that people can learn.

[224] And I love it when parents go through it because I always see these comments where they said, oh my goodness, just read to the kids.

[225] They've never reacted to me in that way before.

[226] The moment, the one night I go home and I read to my kids and I do it.

[227] in a boring way.

[228] They'll go, Dad, don't read it like that.

[229] Do it the fun way.

[230] And what they're asking for is they're asking for that vocal variety.

[231] They're asking for that inner child, for that playfulness.

[232] And I think that's one of the greatest, I think that's one of my greatest superpowers is the ability to be playful and the willingness to be playful.

[233] So you're going to help me in work.

[234] You're going to help me be a more entertaining, engaging parent.

[235] Are there any other areas of one's life that improve when they crack communication?

[236] Yes.

[237] There is an area and the area is improv.

[238] Learn improvisation.

[239] People all want to get better at communication.

[240] Often it's because they want to get better at conversations.

[241] What is a game of conversation?

[242] What are we doing right now?

[243] What are we doing?

[244] This is a game of improv.

[245] I don't know what you're going to say.

[246] You don't know what I'm going to say.

[247] And then based on what I say, you improvise and you say something.

[248] So even though I know you've never done improv before, you are amazing at improv because that's a skill you had to have developed to become the incredible podcaster that you are right now.

[249] Right?

[250] So that to me is such an important skill when you're playing with your kids too.

[251] It helps you with all areas of life.

[252] It's the tide that lifts all boats.

[253] Because kids love to play.

[254] They'll say something like, oh, and then the cow now is an astronaut.

[255] And most parents will be like, ah, that's cool, honey, that's cool.

[256] No, play.

[257] Now it's also fighting zombies that exist on the moon and you didn't know about it.

[258] And you play with them.

[259] And when you're playing, what are you using?

[260] You're using your ability to communicate.

[261] And how many people have you taught in person and or online?

[262] Oh.

[263] Over 70 ,000 now.

[264] Wow.

[265] Yeah.

[266] You have millions and millions and millions of followers online as well that tune in to learn communication skills from you from all around the world.

[267] And if I was to zoom in on the DMs that you get, the things that people are struggling with when they message you, the reason why they watch your videos, what is it?

[268] The most common message that we get when people type a comment and leave it on our videos is...

[269] Is it possible for me to change the sound of my voice?

[270] Really?

[271] Well, because you think about it, right?

[272] Nobody likes the sound of their own voice.

[273] The first time you heard yourself on a podcast, were you like, oh, no, or did you say, I love it, look how sexy I sound?

[274] No, when I was younger and I was cassette recorders and I heard my voice, I thought, fucking hell, who's that?

[275] Yeah, me too, right?

[276] So that is one of the biggest insecurities for most people when they first become problem aware with their communication skills is, oh, is it possible for me to change the sound of my voice?

[277] Is it possible?

[278] Is it possible?

[279] And when you reflect upon this, even when you reflect upon this, most people in their entire life will never change the way they sound.

[280] They'll never change the way they communicate.

[281] They'll change the way they dress, they'll change their hair, they'll change their glasses, they'll change all these things about themselves.

[282] But the way they communicate and the way they sound stays consistent generally.

[283] It's because there are a lot of psychological blocks that keep us sounding the same.

[284] We keep ourselves sounding the same.

[285] You know, there's...

[286] I'll share with you a few of these, OK?

[287] With my vocal teacher, at the beginning of my journey, when she got me to do things with my voice where she said, all right, let's do a really high voice, have a bit of a play, Vin, and, you know, go into falsetto.

[288] And she'd make me do things like this.

[289] I'd go red because I'd go, oh, that feels so weird.

[290] Oh, now I'm becoming so deep with my voice.

[291] This feels so fake and it feels phony.

[292] I immediately came up with those objections, as I'm sure you would feel that too if I got you to do that, right?

[293] And when I do it with my students, that's the immediate thing that comes up.

[294] They go, it's fake, it's phony.

[295] That's not me. And then now, just like my vocal teacher, she would always challenge me. She goes, well, if you could make the sound and you played the key on your piano, you describe to me then, how is it fake?

[296] How is it fake?

[297] If you are able to make that sound, that is you, that is your instrument.

[298] That is just you playing with keys you're unfamiliar with.

[299] That's it.

[300] You've gone through this entire life being so familiar with this key that any time you pressed any other key, you go, oh, it's not me. No, no, no, you're just familiar with this key and you're unfamiliar with the others.

[301] That alone helped me understand that, oh, wow, it's not fake.

[302] Because for the longest time, I thought it was fake.

[303] And because I thought it was fake, I never changed the way I told.

[304] And why is it that we don't want to play with those other keys?

[305] Is it because...

[306] We've got so used to playing with a particular set of keys.

[307] You're so familiar with it.

[308] Playing the other keys comes at a cost, a perceived cost.

[309] It goes deeper than that.

[310] It goes even deeper than that because where did you get your voice from?

[311] Who did you learn it from?

[312] There's an idea that people have in their minds about this thing called a natural voice.

[313] This is another objection my students give me. They go, oh, that's not my natural voice.

[314] And speech pathologists will tell you this.

[315] The voice you have right now is not your natural voice.

[316] You lost access to your natural voice when you were two or three.

[317] Question.

[318] If I asked you to scream at the top of your lungs right now for about 10 minutes, what would happen to your voice?

[319] Oh, I'd lose it.

[320] Yeah.

[321] My daughter, 12 months old, can scream for three hours, Stephen, and she does not lose her voice because they have this beautiful access to their instrument.

[322] They can naturally access that instrument.

[323] Whereas as we grow older at the age of three or four, we start to be inspired by certain people in our circles.

[324] As a result of being inspired by people, what do kids do?

[325] They emulate.

[326] They copy.

[327] So the voice that you've developed, you've copied that based on the people you were inspired by when you were young.

[328] It's just a series of habits.

[329] The way you speak, the way you sound is just a series of behaviors.

[330] It's how you manipulate your vocal cords, how you move air through your body, how you shape your lips, where you place your teeth, how you maneuver your tongue, how you maneuver your soft palate.

[331] Depending on how you do all of that, you create a certain sound.

[332] But if I change now, as you said, people are going to think I'm weird.

[333] That's right.

[334] But that's the thing.

[335] You have to have a process.

[336] to go about that change.

[337] Okay.

[338] Because if you immediately just talk tonight with your partner with no context, they'll go, ew, what the hell?

[339] Why did you talk to Vin?

[340] You've had Vin on the podcast.

[341] Yeah, why?

[342] Now you're fake.

[343] Yeah.

[344] Right?

[345] We'll get to that in a moment.

[346] What I'm saying is that the reason why you don't move from that is because you genuinely feel stuck.

[347] I'll give you the reason behind it.

[348] When you're first imitating dad, I had one of my students, his name's Tanzia.

[349] Beautiful, beautiful guy.

[350] He had a very soft way of speaking.

[351] beautiful soft way of speaking.

[352] And what he didn't realise is that in the beginning of his life, he saw dad do it, really inspired by dad.

[353] So he copied dad.

[354] So he had to consciously think about all these little behaviours, all these nuances to copy dad's sound.

[355] And then after you repeat those behaviours for one year, two years, you no longer have to consciously think about it because you've mastered it.

[356] So now those behaviours move from your conscious mind and moves into your subconscious mind.

[357] And then when behaviours move into your subconscious mind, now it feels automatic.

[358] So now you feel like it's you.

[359] So now you don't doubt it.

[360] You go, no, no, that's me. It's like, no, no, it's still just a series of behaviours.

[361] Yeah.

[362] And I often tell my students, I say all the time, I say, don't be so attached to who you are in the present, you don't give the future version of you a chance.

[363] And the moment these things happen, it's incredible seeing these changes because all my students will do is they'll change three things.

[364] More volume, more melody, bigger hand gestures, people completely change the way they perceive them.

[365] Three simple things that they do.

[366] creates a profound change in how others perceive them.

[367] Volume, melody and hand gestures.

[368] Yeah, I was thinking to one example of one of my students, a female, Rachel, who felt like she didn't have great executive presence.

[369] And it was because she became, she labelled herself as being shy.

[370] And I like to break these things down for my students too.

[371] I'm like, the reason you're shy and the reason you're really good at being shy is because you've been repeating the shy behaviours for the last 25 years.

[372] So you're really good at it, and that's all right.

[373] It's because you've been practicing shy for 25 years.

[374] Being more confident, it's about us just learning a new series of behaviors.

[375] Let's try a larger gesture.

[376] I've seen this on multiple podcasts now.

[377] Just try a larger gesture.

[378] Try a stronger volume.

[379] Try being more melodic with your voice.

[380] And then she was practicing that, and immediately the feelings of, oh, it feels fake, it feels phoned up.

[381] I go, oh, no, it's just unfamiliar.

[382] And the moment she makes that reset, she goes, oh, I'll continue to explore then.

[383] Whereas if she thinks it's fake, she'll revert back to being who she was before.

[384] So how do I speak impromptu?

[385] How do I be in the moment and come up with a good answer?

[386] Another one is I'm introverted.

[387] Does that mean that I'm doomed?

[388] Okay.

[389] Yeah.

[390] And another really common one is I don't have much connection in my life.

[391] I wish I felt more connected to the people that I'm around.

[392] Why is it that I can't get past the...

[393] G'day, mate, how are you?

[394] Yeah, I'm good.

[395] How are you?

[396] Yeah, I'm good.

[397] All right, cheers, mate.

[398] Have a good one.

[399] Oh, the small talk.

[400] Yeah, yeah, this is a big topic, right?

[401] So, again, it's just how do we get to these conversations that you get to have?

[402] on so many of these wonderful podcasts that you do.

[403] So I reckon you would have insights here too.

[404] I was looking earlier, there's almost like a billion search results on Google for people trying to figure out or trying to provide answers to how to communicate successfully.

[405] So let's get into it.

[406] So you use this term vocal image.

[407] Yeah.

[408] What does vocal image mean?

[409] It came about when I realised I spend, and I think most of us spend a lot of time on our visual image, right?

[410] How we look, our body language, the way we dress.

[411] But very rarely do people spend time on their vocal image.

[412] Now, I'll make it make sense.

[413] When people see you and you reveal your visual image, they make assumptions about you pretty quickly.

[414] So they form assumptions, oh, this person seems friendly.

[415] Maybe they're confident because they've got good posture.

[416] Maybe they're smiling, they're friendly.

[417] And then all of a sudden, when you open your mouth and you speak, they now turn these assumptions into beliefs.

[418] So what may be assumptions before, now they go, oh, you are friendly, you are confident, right?

[419] Or they might think, oh, no. Bit of a wanker, right?

[420] And you've had these experiences before.

[421] I've had them before where you assume you see someone, you go, oh, that person's really good.

[422] Go meet them.

[423] You're, ah, not really nice.

[424] That's weird.

[425] So it's another layer that we don't think about, though, because we, again, think we're stuck with our voice.

[426] We think we're stuck with the way we communicate.

[427] We think there's no way for me to ever change this.

[428] So let's talk about how one can improve their vocal image so that they're effective across context.

[429] Sure.

[430] You mentioned melody, volume, hand gestures.

[431] If we start with melody.

[432] What the hell is melody?

[433] The different notes you can hit with your voice.

[434] Okay, so is that variety?

[435] Yeah, variety.

[436] Yeah, pitch variety, pitch and melody.

[437] Okay.

[438] Well, because there's a melody that lives underneath your voice.

[439] All right, let's do an experiment.

[440] I'm going to play you a piano song, and I want you to listen to this, and then you're at home right now.

[441] I want you to listen to the track and see what words come to mind.

[442] So we'll just play the song.

[443] Okay, yeah.

[444] All right.

[445] Sadness.

[446] Right.

[447] And then if listeners at home could have a voice here too, that's maybe, say, they'll say sombre, nostalgic.

[448] Yeah.

[449] Right?

[450] All these words would come up.

[451] And again, if we sat with this for a while, we'd get plenty of words.

[452] Let's try another one.

[453] So let's change the mood.

[454] Let's shift to something like this.

[455] Inspirational, motivational.

[456] Good.

[457] See, all of a sudden now, and I'm thinking running towards something, right?

[458] And again, there's a part of me that thinks, oh, cheesy commercial, right?

[459] There's that part of it too.

[460] So you can hear all these different things.

[461] Let's try one more.

[462] This one, we'll shift gears again.

[463] What about this one?

[464] Like a horror movie.

[465] Scary.

[466] About to die.

[467] Yes.

[468] Something bad's about to happen.

[469] Omnius.

[470] Three -year -olds stood on the landing of the staircase at nighttime.

[471] Yes, with long black hair.

[472] Yeah.

[473] Yes, correct.

[474] So that, again, all of a sudden paints all these different vivid pictures in your head.

[475] The reason I did that experiment is there were no words in any of those tracks.

[476] Yet think about all of the words that rushed to your mind as you were experiencing the melody, the different notes.

[477] What people fail to realise is that you have a melody in your voice.

[478] Yeah.

[479] This is why when some people walk into our lives, it could drain the energy from our lives.

[480] And when they walk in, you feel the impact of them walking in, right, in a negative way or a positive way.

[481] Some walk in and you go, oh, I feel good, I feel great.

[482] What is that?

[483] It's the melody in which they come in with.

[484] Can you have a pretty limited range, a limited melody, but still hit people with scary and sad and inspiring?

[485] I believe you can.

[486] Yeah.

[487] Again, because we genuinely don't have 88 keys, right?

[488] So, again, it's a metaphor.

[489] But I believe that we can create so many different songs with our voice if we learn to treat it as an instrument.

[490] And we can play with the technique to help you increase your vocal range if you want.

[491] Sure.

[492] There's something called a...

[493] This is fun.

[494] This is a fun one.

[495] There's something called a siren technique.

[496] Okay.

[497] Okay, so a siren technique is when you...

[498] You read something with a low voice and then you go towards a higher voice and you go back down to a low voice.

[499] So now I don't want you to start with.

[500] I just want you to read this as you would and then we'll try the siren technique.

[501] So just read it as you would neutrally first.

[502] So just read that as you would.

[503] Okay, so for those that can't see, Vin has passed me a card.

[504] Yeah, cue cards.

[505] And on the card it has a bunch of words which I'm just going to read.

[506] And then as you're listening at home, have a guess of what movie this is from.

[507] Want to know how I got these scars?

[508] My father was a drinker and a fiend.

[509] And one night he goes off crazier than usual.

[510] Mummy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself.

[511] He doesn't like that.

[512] Not one bit.

[513] So me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it, turns to me and he says, why so serious, son?

[514] Comes at me with the knife.

[515] Why so serious?

[516] He sticks the blade in my mouth.

[517] Let's put a smile on that face.

[518] And why so serious?

[519] Beautiful.

[520] What movie is that from?

[521] No idea.

[522] Are you serious?

[523] Dark Knight, The Joker.

[524] Oh, okay.

[525] Heath Ledger, so amazing.

[526] Okay, cool, great.

[527] So, again, you read that in your neutral voice.

[528] Now what we're going to do is we're going to play with the instrument.

[529] So the siren technique is when you read with a really low voice and then gradually you go to a high voice and I'm going to challenge you to not be afraid to go into the falsetto and not be afraid to play.

[530] Just play.

[531] And it's not about going low at the start and then...

[532] high at the bottom, within each sentence, I want you to go up and down, up and down.

[533] I really want you to play with your voice.

[534] Otherwise, I'm going to push you.

[535] Okay, fine.

[536] In three, two, go for it.

[537] Want to know how I got these scars?

[538] My father was a drinker and a fiend.

[539] Good.

[540] And one night he goes up.

[541] I'm crazier than usual.

[542] Mummy gets the kitchen knife.

[543] Used to defend herself.

[544] Okay, wow.

[545] It hurts.

[546] Now try to go in a way where it is a little more even.

[547] Just give it a go.

[548] But normally you won't be able to because you won't have all of the range fully expanded.

[549] Try again.

[550] Keep going.

[551] He doesn't like that.

[552] Not one bit.

[553] Good.

[554] So me watching.

[555] He takes the knife to her.

[556] Yes.

[557] Laughing while he does it.

[558] Good.

[559] Turns to me. And he says.

[560] Why so serious, son?

[561] Fantastic.

[562] That's fantastic.

[563] You did a great job, right?

[564] But you feel that feeling you feel right now.

[565] Yeah, weird.

[566] Yes.

[567] And it's not so much about getting you to speak like that on the podcast, but it's more just helping you realise this instrument that you have is capable of so much more.

[568] Yeah.

[569] There is so much more that it can do as opposed to what we normally do with it, right?

[570] Because for the longest time in my life, I didn't have any melody because I just thought this was how you talk.

[571] And the reason I can switch to this very quickly, Stephen, is because I practiced these behaviors for about 25 years.

[572] What's even more interesting is they've done studies where they had five or six people talking at the same time and the person who the person heard was the person who had more melody in their voice.

[573] Oh, really?

[574] The person who is more melodic, what they say becomes more memorable.

[575] Whereas if all of us were speaking like this, me, yourself, Jack, everyone, all of a sudden you wouldn't hear.

[576] You wouldn't be able to hear the difference.

[577] was all of a sudden, if you just start to play with your voice a little more...

[578] How do you know you've not played with it too far?

[579] Do you know what I'm saying?

[580] By playing with it too far and then getting feedback.

[581] Right.

[582] And people are so afraid of that, though.

[583] And they don't realise that they don't go too far.

[584] They underplay.

[585] The risk is not going too far.

[586] The risk is not going far enough.

[587] Again, at this point, when people heard me squeaking like Mickey Mouse, they're going to say, fuck me. You're going to have to remind me again, Vin, why this is worth it.

[588] You'll be able to make people feel more connected to you.

[589] They'll feel what you're saying, not just hear what you're saying.

[590] I mean, do you notice this in some people?

[591] Of course.

[592] They will say things, but you don't feel it.

[593] It happens in America's Got Talent, Australia's Got Talent, where Simon Cowell will say, right, right, very good, but I don't feel it.

[594] What are they talking about?

[595] It's the emotion in their voice.

[596] There is emotion in your voice too.

[597] Do you want to go to the next one?

[598] Please.

[599] I didn't know there was more.

[600] There's more.

[601] Yeah, there's five.

[602] Let's go through all five.

[603] Now, next one.

[604] I'm just going to get you to read this one as you would.

[605] And then I'll tell you what it is.

[606] Okay.

[607] Just so you don't get ahead of yourself.

[608] Okay.

[609] Okay, cool.

[610] And please tell me you know this movie.

[611] Far out, Stephen.

[612] I don't know who you are.

[613] I don't know what you want.

[614] If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you that I don't have money.

[615] But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.

[616] Skills I have acquired over a very long career.

[617] Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

[618] If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it.

[619] I will not look for you.

[620] I will not pursue you.

[621] But if you don't, I will look for you.

[622] I will find you and I will kill you.

[623] Yes.

[624] Very dark movies.

[625] I love these movies.

[626] What movie is this?

[627] That is the movie called where his daughter gets kidnapped.

[628] What's it called?

[629] Yes.

[630] Yes.

[631] That's with L, his name.

[632] Lion King.

[633] I'm joking.

[634] No, what is it?

[635] Right.

[636] From Taken.

[637] But here's the thing.

[638] So the next foundation is rate of speech.

[639] Okay.

[640] So if you were reading that, and I was kind of just giving you some coaching, again, as you were reading that, think of rate of speech of having a scale from zero to 10.

[641] Yeah.

[642] All right?

[643] So one being painfully slow, and 10 being as quickly as you possibly can, right?

[644] So you were around playing around a five.

[645] Very comfortable.

[646] That's your default rate of speech.

[647] Most of us, when we're nervous, we just have a default rate of speech.

[648] We fall victim to a default rate of speech.

[649] When you think about rate of speech, there's a way to use it.

[650] And the way you use rate of speech is...

[651] If you really want to highlight a point creating an auditory highlight, slow down.

[652] That creates an auditory highlight.

[653] It's like a highlighter with your words.

[654] And if you want to be able to show charisma, energy, you speed up.

[655] And if it's not as important, you can speed up and that's fine.

[656] This simple rule gives you vocal variety with your rate of speech.

[657] That simple rule.

[658] And what does changing my rate of speech then do to the message I'm communicating?

[659] It makes it more clear.

[660] There's more clarity in it, right?

[661] So, for example, if I was speaking and I said...

[662] right now I'm going to go through the five core vocal foundations and I'm going to take you first one through is the rate of speech.

[663] Then after that, I'm going to talk to you about pitch and melody.

[664] And then after that, I'll talk to you about the importance of the other three.

[665] Right now, you have no idea what is important and what is not important.

[666] Okay, right.

[667] Whereas all of a sudden now, if I said, I'm going to take you through the core five vocal foundations, all of a sudden you now have a point of focus.

[668] And the big thing that people want with their communication is clarity.

[669] Well, if you are going to be more clear, The delivery needs to be clear so that the receiver gets what you intend.

[670] It's not just about the exchange of information because how I say something impacts how you receive it.

[671] So I want to slow down where I want to hit emphasis.

[672] Yes.

[673] And this script has multiple places where you want to slow down.

[674] When people are nervous, what happens?

[675] They speed up.

[676] They speed up.

[677] They speed up.

[678] Considerably.

[679] Considerably.

[680] And have they ever measured that?

[681] Does anybody know?

[682] If you get above 210 words per minute, you're a little bit too fast.

[683] And what's the average person speaking at in terms of words per minute?

[684] Around 150.

[685] You want to get to around 150, 180.

[686] That's very good.

[687] That's a good kind of rate of speech to be at.

[688] Whereas if you're slower than that, then again, it just gets a little bit monotonous at times for people.

[689] But again, here's what's fascinating.

[690] If I, if all of a sudden now, I stick to a default melody and then stick to a default rate of speech, notice what's happening in your brain.

[691] right, all of a sudden you start, again, you start to switch off, right?

[692] Whereas all of a sudden, if I start to vary my rate of speech, the transition from slow to fast is what's hooking people.

[693] So if you were to try to read that again now, but I want you to slow, and some bits painfully slow down and play with your voice.

[694] And then some bits go quicker.

[695] And then the last bit, I'm going to kill you, slow it all the way down and be playful.

[696] It's not about...

[697] Okay, I'm going to start from here.

[698] Sure.

[699] If you're looking for a ransom, I can tell you that I don't have...

[700] But what I do have are a particular set of skills.

[701] Skills I have acquired over a very long career.

[702] Skip to the end.

[703] If you let my daughter go, that will be the end of it.

[704] I will not look for you.

[705] I will not pursue you.

[706] But if you don't, I will look for you.

[707] I will find you and I will kill you.

[708] Yes, give him a big round of applause.

[709] That was amazing, right?

[710] Thank you so much.

[711] But again, you feel so strange when you do it.

[712] Yeah, I do.

[713] It's so fun to listen to.

[714] And again, this is us practicing.

[715] This is a safe environment.

[716] Don't do your next podcast like that.

[717] But again, it just goes to show the range that we have access to.

[718] And how it changes the message in such a profound way.

[719] It's the same words.

[720] It's the same words, but when you read it the first time, it didn't sound scary at all.

[721] Now I feel scared.

[722] There's something, I noticed this in like board meetings and stuff, especially with like younger team members or people that would class themselves as being shy, that they do hurry along.

[723] And there is a certain, someone said to me the other day that people that have the most...

[724] confidence and charisma they like move and talk as if a lot if they were a lion yeah yeah you know they're slow and they're composed prey versus predator yeah i remember listening to the episode it's fantastic yeah there is it's people who are confident take their time what's that third one okay just read part of it read part of it you're more than happy to freestyle read part of it now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you were worth.

[725] But you have to be willing to take the hits and not pointing fingers saying you went where you want to be because of him or her or anybody.

[726] Cowards do that.

[727] And that ain't you.

[728] You're better than that.

[729] Now, the thing is, this next one is volume.

[730] Oh, shit.

[731] Yeah.

[732] Volume, so critical.

[733] Okay.

[734] For many different reasons.

[735] Volume is the lifeblood of your voice.

[736] Volume carries all the other foundations you're about to learn.

[737] Volume carries the melody.

[738] Volume carries the rate of speech.

[739] It carries everything.

[740] And, again, I think of it as having a scale from 1 to 10.

[741] And a lot of the times, like what you just did, people are around a 3, a 4, and they stay around there.

[742] When you use volume, there's two ways to auditorily highlight something with volume.

[743] Volume's fascinating because with weight of speech, you slow down.

[744] But with volume, to highlight something...

[745] you could go very quiet.

[746] Okay.

[747] So if all of a sudden I wanted to say something scary, I could lower my volume and say it.

[748] But then all of a sudden notice what happens if I just stay here now.

[749] What started as a great verbal highlight now just kind of seems, doesn't seem effective anymore.

[750] Because if you make something default, it becomes non -functional.

[751] And what signals I'm not a confident person?

[752] What side of the scale?

[753] The lower scale.

[754] Okay.

[755] On volume.

[756] Okay.

[757] Because that's one of the default shy behaviours that a lot of people exhibit.

[758] And what about leaders?

[759] Where do they land on the scale?

[760] Depends if they're self -aware.

[761] Sometimes if they're not self -aware, they can be on the higher end.

[762] And that's, you know, you just have someone come across as a little arrogant.

[763] Sometimes it's just too much volume.

[764] Because too much volume without the other foundations, now you come across arrogant.

[765] So again, if I give this back to you, and again, just for fun.

[766] Like, I want you to go loud.

[767] I want people to hear outside of this studio what we're doing.

[768] Yeah, fuck.

[769] So just have a go.

[770] And give me a whisper too.

[771] At some point, give me a whisper too.

[772] Now, if you know what you're worth, go out and get it.

[773] Go out and get what you're worth.

[774] But you have to be willing to take the hits.

[775] And not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you want to be because of him or her or anybody.

[776] Cowards do that.

[777] And that ain't you.

[778] Yeah.

[779] You're better than that.

[780] Oh, it's amazing.

[781] Yeah.

[782] What you just did made me feel.

[783] Why did I feel?

[784] What is a voice?

[785] A voice is a series of vibrations.

[786] So you just sent vibrations my way that made me feel.

[787] That's why we say people have good vibes, right?

[788] We understand it's happening, but we don't understand at that kind of frequency level, at the vibration level.

[789] But it's happening at a physical level where depending on how you use your voice, you're genuinely...

[790] moving people quite physically.

[791] We did rate of speech, we did volume, we did the melody.

[792] And then there's two left, right?

[793] There's two left, yeah.

[794] So this one, read it as you would, parts of it.

[795] And it's not because I'm lonely.

[796] And it's not because it's New Year's Eve.

[797] I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

[798] What we're moving into now...

[799] is the emotion that exists within your voice, tonality.

[800] This is the emotion that exists, right?

[801] So the way to add more emotion into your voice is to move your face.

[802] Because as I eloquently put it at times, your face is the remote control that allows you to add emotion into your voice.

[803] So let's play, right?

[804] So now I'll give you different faces to make.

[805] I'll tell you different faces to make and you make those different faces and allow those emotions to come through your voice.

[806] So if it's happy, then I want you to sound really happy.

[807] If it's sad, I want you to sound really sad.

[808] So we'll start with...

[809] And try your best to play with this.

[810] I want you to make disgust.

[811] Like, just, ugh, disgust.

[812] And let that come through.

[813] And give me a more volume.

[814] Give me disgust in three, two.

[815] And it's not because you're lonely.

[816] Yeah.

[817] And it's not because it's New Year's Eve.

[818] Surprised.

[819] Really surprised.

[820] I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life...

[821] Angry.

[822] Give me angry.

[823] You want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

[824] Happy.

[825] Best day of your life, Stephen.

[826] You want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

[827] That's so beautiful.

[828] You know this already.

[829] In our brains, there's mirror neurons, right?

[830] And when I see you go through these different facial expressions, I feel what you feel.

[831] Even though I know this is a situation we've created here for us to experiment and it's a safe environment.

[832] But every time you went through any of those emotions, I felt it.

[833] Because I didn't just see it.

[834] Are men worse at this stuff?

[835] Yes.

[836] They are.

[837] Yes.

[838] Because I feel, well, for me, I can only speak personally for me, I was taught to keep my emotions on the inside.

[839] Right.

[840] I was taught that it's a sign of weakness to show you being sad, you being happy.

[841] You should just be...

[842] Composed.

[843] Composed at all times.

[844] And then that's what I thought.

[845] And that led me to the behaviour of speaking, whereas I would just always speak like this because I'm a man and I should always speak like this.

[846] And I still remember going to one of the concerts and my wife turns over and she goes, how do you feel?

[847] I'm like, this is a really exciting concert.

[848] Yeah.

[849] And she goes, well, okay, you obviously hate it.

[850] And I'm like, no, no, I love it.

[851] I love it.

[852] And I just, I didn't know how to emote.

[853] And again, I thought I was stuck like that because I was stuck like that for years.

[854] And that damaged a lot of my relationships.

[855] Because here's the thing that I think, and it might be helpful for you too.

[856] When you're listening to someone talk, you don't have to react with sound because otherwise you'll be seen as interrupting the other person, right?

[857] You can react with facial expressions.

[858] And that is one of the most powerful ways to show them you're listening and that you're following along.

[859] How cool is that?

[860] Because if someone's saying something really bad and you're like, it shows them you're locked in.

[861] Yeah, you learn it as a podcaster.

[862] Yeah, you do.

[863] Because the audience, they're looking at you for most of the conversation.

[864] So 95 % of the conversation's on you.

[865] Yes.

[866] What they don't know is that...

[867] Throughout that time, I'm basically talking to you with my face.

[868] You are.

[869] And you're really good at it.

[870] So if I turn my head like this, it means tell me more.

[871] So you'll be talking to a girl like this.

[872] And it means tell me more.

[873] And then it's interesting.

[874] And you can expand that range.

[875] It doesn't just have to be curious.

[876] Because I see you do it.

[877] I see you consistently do the different faces.

[878] Give me the cue to almost go, oh, he wants to elaborate.

[879] Oh, he's in.

[880] He's locked in.

[881] Do you know, you can, the thing I've learned from both speaking on stage while also doing this is you can also fuck it up.

[882] You can also communicate the wrong thing.

[883] Yes.

[884] Accidentally.

[885] One of them that people communicate quite often with accidentally is they start talking while you're speaking.

[886] Do you ever know that?

[887] Like when someone's listening to speak, they start, they start going like this.

[888] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[889] And it means shut the fuck up.

[890] I need to, I have something to say.

[891] I just did it too.

[892] No, but it's that kind of thing.

[893] It's like, you know, I think, who was on my podcast?

[894] It was Vanessa.

[895] She said, if you do the fast nod, it means shut the fuck up.

[896] So if you go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[897] But if you do the slow nod, it means, oh, I love this.

[898] So if I go, oh, I learned something.

[899] That's curiosity.

[900] Tell me more.

[901] Versus, yeah.

[902] Yeah, yeah.

[903] And wave my hand.

[904] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[905] Okay, so tonality.

[906] So emotion.

[907] And that was so beautiful to see you do that.

[908] Because, again, we just have such great range.

[909] And then imagine you start to vary your rate of speech now.

[910] You vary volume.

[911] You've got different melody.

[912] You've also got different facial expressions.

[913] This is such a rich song that you're playing now.

[914] Do you think much about the actual words you're saying as well?

[915] Of course.

[916] I can see that you think about the structure of what you're saying.

[917] I do.

[918] Because when you start speaking, I notice that you often go into a story straight away.

[919] Something interesting.

[920] You'll say, this is one of the greatest things I've learned from my teacher.

[921] Is that intentional?

[922] It is.

[923] Because I believe stories are more sticky than me just throwing you a bunch of tips and hacks and tricks.

[924] Do you have a storytelling formula?

[925] I do.

[926] What is the storytelling formula?

[927] I think the way most people tell stories is they report stories.

[928] So I'll share a story with you, okay?

[929] And reporting a story is, let's say you ask me the question.

[930] This is one of my favorite stories.

[931] Let's say you ask me how I met my wife.

[932] Reporting a story...

[933] is just me saying, oh, I met my wife at a bar and I did some magic to her.

[934] She didn't like it and that was cool.

[935] And then I gradually was able to woo her in the end.

[936] But I met her at a bar.

[937] That's me reporting the story.

[938] It kind of sounds like a news reporter.

[939] So if you think about it again, let me just anchor it with a news reporter.

[940] It's like a news reporter saying, last night at a bar at 9pm, Vin Zhang went to a bar called Distill and tried to pick up a girl, did a cheesy magic trick.

[941] It didn't work, therefore he failed.

[942] He came back four times again and then he saw her and then he succeeded and now they're married.

[943] On to the next news.

[944] So it's kind of very reporter -y.

[945] Matter of fact.

[946] Matter of fact.

[947] Whereas this is the story of how I met my wife.

[948] So I still remember this because this happened in 2009.

[949] I crashed a girl's graduation party named Vivian.

[950] It was at a bar called Distil, this beautiful bar called Distil.

[951] And there was two levels to this bar and the bottom was for everybody.

[952] And on top was the high rollers and you had to buy expensive drinks to get to the top.

[953] And I got to the top and I saw this beautiful Malaysian girl sitting by the bar.

[954] So I said to my friends, I said, watch this.

[955] And I take a packet of cards out of my pants because I'm a magician.

[956] So I walk up to her and I say, would you be impressed if I transformed this king of hearts into the queen of hearts like yourself?

[957] Disgusted.

[958] I know, you're making the disgusted face.

[959] And that's how she reacted.

[960] She looked at me as if she smelled a bloody fart.

[961] She looks at me and she goes, I'd be more impressed if you transformed into a real man, had a conversation with me. Boom.

[962] And I've never had that reaction before.

[963] Normally people say, wow, you're amazing.

[964] So I said to her, no, thanks.

[965] And I left, tail between my legs, the boys all teased me and everything.

[966] But I was so drawn, her confidence, just, oh, there was something there.

[967] I went back to the bar four times in a row.

[968] She wasn't there, she wasn't there, she wasn't there, then she was there.

[969] And I walked up to her the second time and I said, hey, listen, what if I transformed into a real man tonight, took you out for a coffee?

[970] And we fell in love.

[971] You know, and that's the story of how I met my wife.

[972] Whereas the way I would normally tell that story is just, oh, I met her at a bar, did some tricks, she didn't like it, and then that was fine.

[973] Yeah.

[974] But all of a sudden, there was so much life, so much zest in that story.

[975] I noticed you added so much, almost irrelevant detail.

[976] But you talked about the bar having two floors and stuff like that.

[977] To make it visual.

[978] Okay, so I can picture it in my mind.

[979] Yes, I wanted to make it visual.

[980] Well, okay, so here's the thing.

[981] When you think of the storytelling formula, if you just give the who, what, where, and when, that's the basics people need.

[982] But what turns it from reporting to reliving, because that's what you want to get to, you want to get to reliving a story, is the ingredients that you just called out.

[983] So intuitive of you to call them out.

[984] VAX, V -A -K -S, which stands for visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and smell.

[985] So I'm just describing those few things for you, right?

[986] And it doesn't always have to have all the ingredients, but you want to add some of those ingredients, right?

[987] So the visual I described to you, the visual, the auditory, what I said.

[988] I did my voice.

[989] I did her voice.

[990] I gave you dialogue.

[991] Right?

[992] So all of a sudden you bring the story to life.

[993] Now it goes from reporting to reliving.

[994] So if I told that story and let's say that now the connection ability is, again, it's to do with improv as well, is instead of just going out and saying, here's three ways to show up authentically when you're trying to pick up someone.

[995] Instead of doing that, I share the story first.

[996] I get you to engage.

[997] I build rapport.

[998] I build chemistry.

[999] Now...

[1000] You've heard the story.

[1001] Now you have rapport with me. You feel more relaxed.

[1002] You feel more creative, right?

[1003] Then I link that story to...

[1004] So the very next time you walk into a girl, if she does say no, she may not be saying no to you.

[1005] She may just be saying no to your approach.

[1006] Here are the three ways you can show up more authentically as a man. I believe that is a much more powerful way to then go into the three tips.

[1007] Whereas I feel that...

[1008] Because of the world now with social media, we've lost the art form of storytelling.

[1009] Just give me the three tips now.

[1010] I've heard you talk about these four elements to a great story, which is the hook, the struggle, the breakthrough, and the application, which is kind of what you just displayed there.

[1011] Well, the importance of application, I think, is something that I really focus on with my students.

[1012] And by application, you mean the lesson or the big takeaway from the story?

[1013] Because sometimes people tell stories and they go nowhere.

[1014] Well, it's also what you do after.

[1015] Okay.

[1016] because I can share a story, but if I, one of our videos went viral and I don't claim to be an expert on social media, okay?

[1017] So I don't, I still don't understand how some of these things work, even though we've been able to grow all of our social channels quite quickly.

[1018] I don't understand how it works.

[1019] To me, I'm like, oh, wow, I can't believe that worked last time.

[1020] Oh, it doesn't work anymore.

[1021] Ha, that's weird.

[1022] So to me, it's what people love is when you give them a really simple, pragmatic takeaway that they can go and actually do.

[1023] Like, go do it now.

[1024] Whereas we don't apply knowledge, we just keep consuming and go through knowledge acquisition.

[1025] There's a cycle of doom that we go through.

[1026] There's just this cycle of, I mean, this is the cycle my students go through.

[1027] Oh, job promotion.

[1028] Oh, crap, I need to work on my communication skills.

[1029] What's the first thing they do?

[1030] They go to Google.

[1031] And then they Google, how do I improve my interview skills, my communication skills?

[1032] Then they get back 10 .6 million results.

[1033] They go, ah, this is too crazy.

[1034] Surely someone's created a YouTube video.

[1035] Then they go to YouTube, they type in how to improve communication skills.

[1036] Three million videos.

[1037] And they go, oh, this is to chat GPT.

[1038] I'll go to chat GPT now.

[1039] How to improve communication skills.

[1040] And it gives you these generic answers from blogs that have no relevance to you.

[1041] And then after that, you feel so overwhelmed.

[1042] You do nothing with it.

[1043] But it's just this cycle we all fall victim to over and over and over again.

[1044] We just keep consuming knowledge and nothing actually changes because we're not applying it.

[1045] So the key is to get out there and start running some of these techniques in the real world.

[1046] And just pick one.

[1047] Pick one and just try it.

[1048] It's like we're going through all these different things.

[1049] Right after this episode, go out and just try tonality with your kids and read them a children's book because those books are naturally emotive.

[1050] And if you don't have kids, borrow a niece or a nephew and just watch the impact on the other human being as you play with your instrument.

[1051] Watch them smile.

[1052] Watch them giggle.

[1053] Watch them react to the way you play your instrument because then it wakes you up to the fact that you've got access to this.

[1054] and that I can change the way someone feels.

[1055] What power?

[1056] Yet we don't use it.

[1057] I've just realised that there's one more left.

[1058] There is one more left, yeah.

[1059] OK, I know what this is.

[1060] Yeah, of course.

[1061] If you didn't, I'd be quite deeply offended.

[1062] I'll get you to read this, and we'll play with the last one.

[1063] OK.

[1064] My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius.

[1065] Correct.

[1066] Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor.

[1067] Marcus Aurelius, father to a murderous son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance in the life or the next.

[1068] Perfect.

[1069] Now we're going to read it again, except the final foundation here with the voice is pause.

[1070] Whatever emotion comes before the pause, once you pause, it intensifies that emotion.

[1071] So if you've got the feeling of anger and you pause, oh, that is a pause of anger.

[1072] But if all of a sudden I'm sad and then I pause.

[1073] You prolong the sadness.

[1074] It's a pause of sadness.

[1075] And think about how important the pause is in music.

[1076] And I love the world of music.

[1077] I love listening to orchestral music.

[1078] And when you think about it, what happens right after a crescendo?

[1079] It's a pause.

[1080] Silence.

[1081] The most important note that they played during that piece.

[1082] Yet we barely use it.

[1083] And what else does the pause do?

[1084] When you pause, you give me time to process what you're saying.

[1085] Yet we are so afraid of the pause.

[1086] My name is Maximus Decimus.

[1087] Meridius, commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to the murdered son, husband to a murdered wife.

[1088] And I will have my vengeance in this life or the next.

[1089] Beautiful.

[1090] When you paused, you gave me time to process the weight of what you're saying.

[1091] The first time you read it, you rushed through it, just like that nervous employee in front of their leaders who just rushed through it.

[1092] You may have just shared the most brilliant plan for a marketing campaign, but because you rushed through it, I didn't feel the weight of how profound the strategy is.

[1093] There's something when you pause, you almost, you tell the person, don't you, almost inexplicably that...

[1094] that you should really give a fuck about the thing you just said.

[1095] Like it really mattered.

[1096] It's important.

[1097] Yeah, because you're like giving it space to breathe.

[1098] And do you see what all these foundations do?

[1099] What do they give you ultimately?

[1100] Like what does it ultimately lead to?

[1101] Clarity.

[1102] Do you think there's a certain set of those tools that when applied or a certain sort of style of speaking that makes people dislike you?

[1103] Is there a certain one that just doesn't make them warm to you?

[1104] Is it the low pitches?

[1105] Is it the fast speaking?

[1106] there's sounds that people don't like.

[1107] For example, have you ever called...

[1108] I don't mean to pick on real estate agents, but it happens a lot to me in Australia.

[1109] When you call a real estate agent, it's, hello, this is James from XY Real Estate.

[1110] And when you hear that sequence of melody, no worries, I'll put you on to the next person, and you switch off.

[1111] You just go, oh, this person is just not really connected to that person.

[1112] And all you have to do is you just tell them to switch the melody and just don't use that sing -song voice.

[1113] And they call that a sing -song voice in the world of...

[1114] Vocal training, right?

[1115] You've got a sing -song voice.

[1116] And if you keep following the same rhythm, you have a sing -song voice.

[1117] So instead of doing that, just go, hey, it's James.

[1118] How can I help, mate?

[1119] You said the same thing.

[1120] You just switched up the melody.

[1121] That sounds a little more sincere.

[1122] Because it was a bit more varied.

[1123] Exactly right.

[1124] And it's not what everybody uses.

[1125] Because once everybody uses the same thing, all of a sudden it now sounds like a script.

[1126] That's why people are so afraid when they're creating content online.

[1127] They go, I don't want to sound scripted.

[1128] There's a sound to it.

[1129] And it generally follows that.

[1130] That's why newscasters, there's a sound to it.

[1131] Yeah.

[1132] Last night at 9pm, there's that, there's a rhythm.

[1133] And then they keep using the same rhythm over and over and over and over again, the same melody sequence over and over and over and over again.

[1134] And am I right in thinking if I wanted to be really boring, I should just kill all variety?

[1135] Kill all the foundations.

[1136] Nothing.

[1137] Give me nothing.

[1138] And it's what happens when people, again, the people that I serve, it's what happens is because they go, I'll let my work speak for itself.

[1139] And I say, that's great.

[1140] That means you do great work, but why not speak for your work too?

[1141] Why can't we do both?

[1142] Why does it have to be one or the other?

[1143] Yeah.

[1144] It's a shame not to do your work justice, you know, because you can do it a disservice just by delivering it without the foundations, as you've said.

[1145] Yeah.

[1146] And then other people, as you said, they can have half the idea, but double the...

[1147] Double the showmanship.

[1148] Yeah.

[1149] And that happens too.

[1150] That happens too, right?

[1151] So to me, it's about helping those who, they've got something amazing.

[1152] You've got a story you need to share.

[1153] You've got an idea you need to pitch.

[1154] You've got incredible technical skills that you've worked on for the last 15 years.

[1155] And you're thinking, why am I still stuck in this position?

[1156] It's, well, hey, let's do great work and let's allow ourselves to build the ability and grow the ability to shine.

[1157] How does one increase their self -awareness as it relates to their communication skills?

[1158] Is there a practice I can do to understand if I'm good, bad or ugly at this?

[1159] If you are problem unaware of communication and right now you just go, oh, this is something I need to work on, then this is the three -step process you have to commit to.

[1160] And just by doing this, it's going to dramatically change the way you talk.

[1161] It's going to dramatically change the way you show up.

[1162] I call it record and review.

[1163] And I learnt this as a magician.

[1164] And it's so practical when it comes to magic and communication skills.

[1165] First step, record a video of yourself speaking for five minutes.

[1166] A full five minutes.

[1167] And people always immediately say, oh, what do I say though?

[1168] Google or chat GPT, great conversational starters.

[1169] And then use those for yourself and just talk.

[1170] But it has to be impromptu because I'm trying to tease out core behaviors.

[1171] I don't want you to give me a pitch that you've delivered 20 times already.

[1172] I want you to just in the moment speak.

[1173] I'm trying to tease out some non -functional behaviors.

[1174] So once you've recorded that video of yourself for five minutes, leave it for a day.

[1175] Video or just audio?

[1176] Video.

[1177] You want video, you want to be standing while you're doing this.

[1178] Once you've got that video recorded, leave it for a day.

[1179] Because when you watch it straight away, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I don't like myself, I hate the way I sound.

[1180] You leave it for a day, you're thinner, you're better looking, you love yourself more.

[1181] Time and space, it's amazing.

[1182] So leave it for a day.

[1183] Then when you watch it back, you review it in three different ways.

[1184] The first time, so you record on your phone, you turn the sound all the way up, press play, turn your phone over, just listen.

[1185] Here you're doing an auditory review.

[1186] And just listen to your voice.

[1187] And now, because you've listened to this podcast, you also have five vocal foundations you can think about.

[1188] So now auditorily, think about how's my rate of speech?

[1189] How's my volume?

[1190] Oh, my default rate is around a three.

[1191] Oh, I speak really, and I stick to that.

[1192] Oh, my default volume, oh my goodness, it's one.

[1193] Oh, wow, there's no tonality.

[1194] There's no emotion in my voice.

[1195] There's no pitch for right.

[1196] Oh, I am not pausing.

[1197] You'll be able to take so many notes and you'll be able to hear things you've never been able to hear before because most people avoid filming themselves.

[1198] because I hate the way I look and I hate the way I sound, right?

[1199] So to me, once you do that, you'll have a page of notes and a whole new level of awareness on your auditory communication skills.

[1200] So the next step is now you turn your phone back around, you turn the sound and put it on mute, you press play and you just look at yourself.

[1201] And then as you're watching yourself, because most people don't do this, unless they're creators, you don't do this.

[1202] That's why creators are such great communicators is because they do this.

[1203] That's why you're a great listener and a podcaster, because you watch yourself back.

[1204] So now as you just watch yourself back without the auditory feedback, all of a sudden now you'll see things you don't normally see.

[1205] Oh, wow, I'm swiveling a lot on my chair.

[1206] Oh, wow, I don't use my hand gestures.

[1207] Oh, wow, I put my hands behind my back.

[1208] Oh, this is my big tick.

[1209] I keep touching my glasses.

[1210] I can't help it.

[1211] Oh, I need to work on that.

[1212] But you keep touching your glasses, right?

[1213] I keep touching my face, I keep touching my mouth, I keep fiddling with things.

[1214] You'll see a whole bunch of non -functional behaviours that you've never seen before because you've avoided it and also because you have this idea in your head that you're stuck.

[1215] You're not.

[1216] It's just a series of behaviours.

[1217] And then afterwards, the final form of review, don't listen to it and don't watch it.

[1218] Get it transcribed.

[1219] because now you'll see the way you communicate from a different perspective.

[1220] And you go, oh, my goodness, I ramble.

[1221] I talked about the same thing over, because you see it from a different perspective.

[1222] Sometimes you don't hear that.

[1223] It's easier to see it.

[1224] And then you see it, and I can see you reacting, right?

[1225] But that's what people do, is they go, oh, not only do I ramble, because when you get it transcribed, leave in all of the non -words and the filler words.

[1226] Non -words being the sounds we make to fill the silence, filler words being the words we use to fill the silence.

[1227] And so, like, do you know what I mean?

[1228] this transcription is immediately going to reveal to you all of your auditory clutter.

[1229] The things that you say, again, non -words and filler words, auditory clutter.

[1230] That's the, again, the and so, like, do you know what I mean?

[1231] Highlight it with the red highlighter because it might not just be those.

[1232] One of my big ones was okay.

[1233] I taught online during COVID.

[1234] As a result of that, because I didn't get the in -person feedback from my students, I would always say, okay at the end of my sentences because I wasn't getting any feedback.

[1235] So I say, that's the vocal foundations.

[1236] Okay.

[1237] All right.

[1238] Now that's body.

[1239] Okay.

[1240] Okay.

[1241] Okay.

[1242] And I didn't even notice I was doing it.

[1243] But that process revealed to me immediately.

[1244] Oh, wow.

[1245] I didn't know that.

[1246] I was able to remove that because it didn't serve.

[1247] Why does it matter to remove the clutter words?

[1248] You know, the like as, um, why does it matter?

[1249] I'll give you...

[1250] An example of it.

[1251] You know, like, if I, you know, was taking you through, like, the core, you know, vocal foundations, you know, like, it decreases the clarity of the message.

[1252] It's okay to have some.

[1253] Be human.

[1254] I get it.

[1255] It's not about none, but it's about having some and not have your speech littered with it.

[1256] Is it easy to overcome that?

[1257] Yeah, it is.

[1258] Because to get rid of that bad habit, you just need to learn a new habit.

[1259] And the new habit is pause.

[1260] So the very moment you feel like saying, um, we're not lagging, we're just pausing, right?

[1261] You pause.

[1262] And that's why as part of the vocal foundations, you have to learn to be comfortable with what we're doing right now, just pausing.

[1263] And it's okay.

[1264] So I've got my three sheets of paper there.

[1265] I've done the...

[1266] auditory assessment, I've done the visual assessment, I've looked at the transcript and I've seen the words.

[1267] And again, is it repetitions from there on after?

[1268] A step before that.

[1269] Okay.

[1270] Because normally what happens after you do that, and I know because my students have done it, and then what happens is overwhelm.

[1271] Because they go, oh my goodness, there's like 26 things I have to improve.

[1272] Which one do I pick?

[1273] And then they'll have to DM me on social media.

[1274] Which one do I pick?

[1275] And then analysis paralysis.

[1276] And to me is, it doesn't matter.

[1277] Pick one.

[1278] So what you do is, you create yourself a little 12 -week plan.

[1279] And you plan it one week at a time.

[1280] So first week, rate of speech.

[1281] Great.

[1282] So the whole week, you just look at rate of speech.

[1283] At the end, what do you do of that week?

[1284] Record and review again.

[1285] Did it change?

[1286] No. Guess what you're doing next week?

[1287] Rate of speech.

[1288] And it's that commitment.

[1289] And I love this Japanese word called kaizen, relentless improvement.

[1290] And you all do this here amazingly.

[1291] that's what you've got to commit to.

[1292] And you focus on rate of speech until you see change.

[1293] And I used to do coaching.

[1294] I don't do it anymore because I've got two kids and they're the most important people to me right now.

[1295] But I used to coach CEOs and they would see my plan to help them improve their communication skills and they'd get pissed off because they'd go, I'm just doing rate of speech.

[1296] I'm like, yeah, because your default is so slow, you're putting everyone to sleep.

[1297] And if you don't change it after week one or week two, I'm still going to get you to do the same thing.

[1298] And just by increasing rate of speech alone, they became so much more dynamic.

[1299] It took a month.

[1300] We all know people that over -talk and over -explain.

[1301] 100%.

[1302] How does one know if they're doing that and how to change it?

[1303] By being able to record yourself while you're in conversation with someone.

[1304] And Zoom is amazing now.

[1305] So all of a sudden now, if you want awareness on that, record yourself.

[1306] And the beauty of recording yourself on something like Zoom is all of a sudden now, you can watch yourself and you see the other person too.

[1307] Do you recommend someone like me, if we're trying to improve the communication skills of everybody in the company, to record our meetings and to send it after?

[1308] 100 % review it.

[1309] And you may not get reactions when people say things because most people, the only thing they'll give you feedback on with your community, this is the only feedback anybody will ever give you on your communication.

[1310] I felt like you talked a bit too fast.

[1311] They'll never say anything else because anything else is an attack on your personality.

[1312] So people are very afraid to give you feedback, especially you being the big boss.

[1313] No one's going to give you feedback.

[1314] So all of a sudden now, or maybe they do.

[1315] I feel like your team do.

[1316] What I'm trying to get at is, all of a sudden now, when you watch yourself back on those videos, you now will see their facial reactions.

[1317] People are very honest with their body language.

[1318] You've had body language experts on here.

[1319] People might be able to lie with what they say, but all of a sudden, they tell the truth with their body language.

[1320] You will see people do the silent yawn.

[1321] You'll see people...

[1322] They just do the silent yawn, right?

[1323] They keep their mouth closed, but they're yawning.

[1324] You will see these things if you start to reflect and review.

[1325] And you go, oh, I shouldn't have said that.

[1326] I took too long.

[1327] I lost them.

[1328] You can see it.

[1329] I do that with my classes.

[1330] When I record, when I used to do my keynotes, I had a whole career as a keynote speaker.

[1331] So when I did that, I used to duct tape two GoPros together and I'll duct tape the little red recording button so the audience doesn't know like that I'm recording myself and I'm also recording the audience only for my purpose, right?

[1332] as I review my speeches, and I would watch back -to -back the audience faces and my keynote.

[1333] And you can see where you lose people because at a conference, their faces light up with their phone.

[1334] You can literally see when you're losing them in the talk.

[1335] And when you watch those back -to -back, it is so humbling because you go, wow, did I go on for...

[1336] I thought it was a fun tangent.

[1337] It wasn't.

[1338] And then I kept that tangent in for...

[1339] bloody six months because I thought it added so much value.

[1340] It did not add value.

[1341] So the only way to get that awareness is you have to find opportunities where you can record yourself.

[1342] Do you mind if I pause this conversation for a moment?

[1343] I want to talk about art. show sponsor today, which is Shopify.

[1344] I've always believed that the biggest cost in business isn't failure.

[1345] It's the time you waste trying to make decisions.

[1346] Time spent hesitating, overthinking, or waiting for the right moment.

[1347] When I started my first company at 20 years old, I had no experience and no money.

[1348] What I did have was an idea and the willingness to move fast.

[1349] And that made all the difference.

[1350] If you've been thinking about starting your own business, Shopify makes this entire process so much easier.

[1351] With thousands of customizable templates, you don't need coding or design.

[1352] skills.

[1353] You just need a willingness to start.

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[1355] If you're ready to start, visit shopify .com slash Bartlett and sign up for a one pound per month trial period.

[1356] That's shopify .com slash Bartlett.

[1357] And when you went up on stage as a keynote speaker, was there anything that you did before you went on stage to make sure that you performed optimally?

[1358] Because you were speaking, what, 80 times a year or something?

[1359] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it got pretty full on.

[1360] Yes, have a way to calm your mind, calm your body and get really focused.

[1361] And the way I do it is the first thing I would do is Wim Hof, the guided bubble breathing.

[1362] 30 times and then hold your breath.

[1363] and then a deep breath in, hold for 15, and then release.

[1364] Three cycles of that.

[1365] Oh, Stephen, my mind is relaxed.

[1366] My body is relaxed.

[1367] And then the next thing I do is I just do a little bit of brisk walking, do maybe 10, 20 push -ups.

[1368] Why?

[1369] Because I'm getting rid of the adrenaline that's building up in my body.

[1370] Because if you don't get rid of the adrenaline, you'll go on stage and you'll start pacing the stage.

[1371] And I've seen speakers do this, where they pace.

[1372] There's no reason for their movement, but they're moving because there's so much adrenaline in me, right?

[1373] Non -functional movement.

[1374] Non -functional.

[1375] So get rid of the adrenaline.

[1376] So a little bit of brisk exercise gets rid of that adrenaline that you don't need.

[1377] So do those two things.

[1378] And depending on how nervous I am, I may have to do a mindset shift.

[1379] And the mindset shift is the only way you can become self -conscious and nervous is if you're thinking about yourself.

[1380] So if you're not thinking about yourself and you have no cognitive capacity to think about yourself, then how can you be nervous?

[1381] So think of the audience.

[1382] Before coming to this, I felt a bit nervous.

[1383] I thought, you know what, I'm just going to think about Stephen and I'm going to think about his audience.

[1384] How can I add the most value possible in this podcast as we talk?

[1385] And the moment I thought about you and your audience, I don't have any cognitive capacity left to think about me. So when you kind of think about this act of service, it shifts where you are.

[1386] You're not in your own body anymore.

[1387] You're not self -conscious.

[1388] You're audience conscious.

[1389] Helps.

[1390] And is there anything you do with your mouth and your tongue?

[1391] Yeah.

[1392] especially if I've woken up early in the morning and I'm jumping on a Zoom call with some foreign time zone, it feels like my mouth isn't quite there yet.

[1393] And also it feels like my brain's not connected to my mouth.

[1394] So first thing is lip trills.

[1395] Have you ever done lip trills before?

[1396] No. Okay, lip trills are this.

[1397] Perfect.

[1398] And a lot of people won't be able to do that.

[1399] So all you do is get your two index fingers, push your cheeks together, and you can go...

[1400] Do your favourite song.

[1401] So you think of your favourite song and you, you know...

[1402] Final Countdown, one of my favourites right now.

[1403] Do that for an entire song.

[1404] So do that for your favourite song.

[1405] And once you've done that, if you do that for two to three minutes, now all of a sudden your articulators have woken up.

[1406] You've also woken up your vocal cords.

[1407] And your lips now being the main articulators we use to shape the words that we say, it's awake.

[1408] The siren technique is another great way to wake up your voice.

[1409] And you've done the siren technique, which is read low and then go high.

[1410] Read low and then go high.

[1411] The other thing that I learned from studying your work is this idea of the power sphere when you're on stage.

[1412] This power sphere.

[1413] I've got a picture here.

[1414] You've got a picture of that.

[1415] I learned this from Mark Bowden.

[1416] Mark Bowden is an incredible body language expert.

[1417] And I was lucky to do some coaching with him when I lived in the US.

[1418] And he taught me this concept of the area between your belly button and your eyes.

[1419] Yeah.

[1420] And that's the power sphere.

[1421] So when you're gesturing to people, a lot of people who are shy, they gesture below the power sphere.

[1422] Well, just like hands to the side.

[1423] So again, they're doing all these different things, but they're doing this.

[1424] They're like, oh, hey, great to see you.

[1425] Oh, I'm so excited to be here.

[1426] It's great, right?

[1427] And why are they doing that?

[1428] Because they're...

[1429] Because they're playing small.

[1430] Okay.

[1431] Scared to take up space, right?

[1432] And again, I get a lot of my female students ask me this question.

[1433] They say, oh, Vin, I feel like I don't have enough presence.

[1434] And I get the feedback.

[1435] I don't get executive presence.

[1436] What is this elusive thing called executive presence?

[1437] It's simple.

[1438] It's two things.

[1439] It's vocal presence and physical presence.

[1440] And how you use your hand gestures allows you to level up your physical presence.

[1441] So if you've got better physical presence because you're using your hand gestures within the power sphere, all of a sudden you've got that executive presence that they're talking about.

[1442] So you need to get your elbows off your sides.

[1443] 100%, yeah.

[1444] Again, I think of myself as having this sphere around me, the way that I remember Mark sharing this with me, and not be afraid to go to the edges of the sphere.

[1445] Don't be afraid to go to the edges of the sphere.

[1446] Otherwise we tend to, a lot of people T -Rex it, right?

[1447] They T -Rex it, right?

[1448] Don't T -Rex it, just have your arms nice out and big.

[1449] Don't be afraid to take up the space.

[1450] And then there are foundational gestures you should learn paired with this.

[1451] The first one, which you're doing already, this is Virginia Satir came up with these, and she was a family therapist, and she came up with the foundation to hand gestures.

[1452] This is placator.

[1453] Try.

[1454] So you've got your hands, for people that can't see, you've got your hands...

[1455] Palm face up.

[1456] Palm face up and out.

[1457] Placator.

[1458] Beautiful gesture to show that, hey, I have no weapons, I have nothing to attack you with, right?

[1459] So this is placator.

[1460] So you're showing your palms.

[1461] Wonderful way to greet people as they come in.

[1462] Hey!

[1463] Instead of surrendering, just kind of hands up.

[1464] Hey, great to see you.

[1465] Okay.

[1466] Beautiful.

[1467] Great.

[1468] However, it's closely related to its cousin, I don't know.

[1469] Right?

[1470] I don't know is this.

[1471] So, again, it does lack authority.

[1472] So, if you want more authority, you use what's the second one called leveler.

[1473] Leveler is hands facing down.

[1474] So, hands upon face down.

[1475] Yes.

[1476] Right?

[1477] Feels a bit weird doing it sitting down, but this is leveler, right?

[1478] There's an element of control.

[1479] Yeah, well, the hands face down.

[1480] Well, try this.

[1481] Try this.

[1482] Give this a go, right?

[1483] I'm saying this a lot to my daughter at the moment.

[1484] She's very...

[1485] One -year -old, very sweet, very naughty.

[1486] So, again, say, Melody, don't do...

[1487] Say, it's Implicator.

[1488] Say, Melody, stop doing that.

[1489] So, just try it.

[1490] So, we'll count you down in three, two...

[1491] Melody, stop doing that.

[1492] Perfect.

[1493] OK.

[1494] You're going to do the same thing now in Leveler.

[1495] OK, so in...

[1496] And give me more volume in three, two...

[1497] Melody, stop doing that.

[1498] I didn't tell you what to really even do.

[1499] Did you notice how your voice changed?

[1500] Yeah.

[1501] My face changed as well.

[1502] And what changed with your body?

[1503] What had changed with your vocal quality, sorry?

[1504] It went, the pitch went, okay, the pitch went down.

[1505] Yes, correct.

[1506] And I didn't tell you to do that.

[1507] Yeah.

[1508] Right, so all of a sudden...

[1509] Because I was doing anger, but frustration.

[1510] Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1511] And no one told you to do that.

[1512] That's a universal thing.

[1513] What's fascinating about what just happened there is people are afraid of a monotone voice and they don't realise that a monotone voice comes from a monotone body.

[1514] So you just moved your body from this to this and you created a different sound.

[1515] Is the voice is connected to the body, the body is connected to the voice.

[1516] And the biggest mistake you see here within this realm here is, imagine you did a great keynote and at the end, imagine I did this.

[1517] At the end of the keynote, imagine I did this.

[1518] Right, are there any questions?

[1519] Versus, are there any questions?

[1520] I was going to say, with the level of one where you start pointing your hands down, I thought you wanted to get off stage.

[1521] And I don't want any.

[1522] I don't want any questions.

[1523] The next one is called Blamer.

[1524] Have a guess at what blamer is.

[1525] Pointing?

[1526] Yes, correct.

[1527] This is blamer.

[1528] A very strong gesture.

[1529] And then a softer version of that is the full finger point.

[1530] You point with all your fingers.

[1531] Politicians get taught this.

[1532] They soften it, soften it a bit, and then they soften it with their full finger point.

[1533] I notice this on the podcast sometimes.

[1534] I notice that people accidentally do it when they say something.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] Because they'll say something like, you know, entrepreneurs, they can be quite sad because they don't have enough balance.

[1537] And as they're saying it, they'll like accidentally point at me. But it does make contextual sense.

[1538] So they'll go, you're entrepreneurs.

[1539] Sometimes they don't have work like that.

[1540] And they're like, they don't know they're doing it, but they're like subtly gesturing in my direction.

[1541] Yeah.

[1542] I know what you mean.

[1543] It's like, yeah, some people have put on a bit of weight.

[1544] Oh, what?

[1545] I didn't know that.

[1546] Oh, my aunties do it all the time.

[1547] Yeah.

[1548] Again, it's just different ways to vary the way you look visually.

[1549] That's Blamer.

[1550] You've got a softer version.

[1551] And then you've also got this wonderful one they call The Computer.

[1552] And computer is a wonderful, an extra thing you can do when you're on a podcast.

[1553] And someone's, you experience or you hear heightened emotion.

[1554] You can also respond with your face, but you can respond with your body too.

[1555] You can kind of go into computer.

[1556] And computer is just one arm under the armpit and the other one at your chin.

[1557] You go, ha.

[1558] One arm across and one arm across.

[1559] Some people call this the thinker pose, right?

[1560] But you can go in this, you go, ha.

[1561] Combined with a head tilt, soften it, right?

[1562] Straight up is a little bit straight and it's softening.

[1563] Is that what a head tilt does?

[1564] It softens?

[1565] It just softens.

[1566] It's like, okay, I feel what you're going through.

[1567] And the reason they call it computer is I'm processing what you're saying.

[1568] I'm leaning in.

[1569] I'm showing you that I'm processing.

[1570] As opposed to sometimes we're unaware, we don't move our face and we just sit there and they're talking and we're like this.

[1571] Yeah.

[1572] And they don't know if you're there.

[1573] The sensitivity is when you sense heightened emotion.

[1574] So if they start to get a bit frustrated, you go.

[1575] You can show them with your body too.

[1576] Beautiful pose.

[1577] Then the final one is distractor, which is a pattern break.

[1578] It's an auditory and visual pattern break.

[1579] For example, if you're on stage and you're talking and you've gone on a tangent, I've done this, maybe you've done it, and you realise the audience, they're all on their phones.

[1580] Instead of continuing, you can execute distractor and do distractor to get their attention back.

[1581] Oh, I'm sorry.

[1582] Oh, I've gone down that tangent.

[1583] Let me bring you back, let me use a different analogy.

[1584] So auditory, in that there's a clap involved.

[1585] Visual, in that I'm shooing bees.

[1586] Imagine me shooing bees as I was doing that.

[1587] So clap and shooing bees.

[1588] There's an auditory and visual pattern break that now allows me to get your attention back.

[1589] If you're doing this more than once in a presentation, you need to work on your rehearsal process.

[1590] You need to work on you delivering the presentation in a way that's more coherent.

[1591] I guess all of this stuff also applies to when you're making...

[1592] video clips for social media.

[1593] So many of us are building personal brands and trying to make content, but we make boring, unengaging videos.

[1594] Yes, because you come to life.

[1595] I'm coming to life visually.

[1596] What we're seeing here is I'm coming to life vocally and visually.

[1597] Here's where people get stuck again.

[1598] They go, but that's not me. Do you think, right now I'm watching Beast Games and I'm loving it.

[1599] It's just, I'm so addicted to it.

[1600] Jimmy's doing great.

[1601] And do you think Jimmy talks like that in his everyday life?

[1602] Do you think he goes home and he says to his partner, and next we're going to go to dinner.

[1603] And for dinner, you're going to have three choices.

[1604] He doesn't talk like that.

[1605] But he understands that in that context, for that medium, the message I'm trying to communicate, I have to play my instrument differently to achieve the outcome that I desire.

[1606] And you're going to have to do the same thing in your life, whereas people are addicted to this idea of there's only one me. Do you know what's interesting?

[1607] I think there'll be a certain cohort of people listening that just go, oh, God, this is so...

[1608] I know.

[1609] It's so much.

[1610] It sounds so exhausting, Vin.

[1611] And I just can't be bothered, Vin.

[1612] I can't.

[1613] You must have heard this before.

[1614] I've heard it before.

[1615] And I share with him that the idea of influence, you've got to understand that takes work.

[1616] It's like saying, I want to become the best basketball in the world, but that's too much work.

[1617] So it's a deal.

[1618] If you want this.

[1619] If you want this.

[1620] Then this is how you get it.

[1621] The world has really changed.

[1622] especially in the last couple of years post -pandemic, and much of our communication now takes place on video calls, Zoom, Google Hangouts, this kind of thing.

[1623] How do the rules that you've said and you've talked about today apply or not apply to when I'm doing my Zoom meetings?

[1624] Yeah.

[1625] It's even more important online.

[1626] Because the moment you sit in front of a camera and you're not a creator, what happens?

[1627] The moment it's unnatural, what happens to you?

[1628] Because it's weird sitting in front of a webcam.

[1629] What happens to you, do you think?

[1630] You lose yourself a little bit.

[1631] Yes.

[1632] Everything drops.

[1633] All of your vocal foundations disappear.

[1634] So what do I need to be thinking about to be effective?

[1635] I want to be the most effective person on my Zoom course.

[1636] Because I do worry sometimes.

[1637] I do worry because I have big investment meetings and stuff with startups or founders that I'm in the process of trying to do a deal with.

[1638] And I think, God, if we do this on Zoom, it might not be so good.

[1639] I might come across worse.

[1640] I feel like I'll come across better in person.

[1641] So I often move the meeting to in person.

[1642] And then sometimes it's not always convenient, right?

[1643] It's never convenient because you've got to drive somewhere and fly somewhere.

[1644] So I'd rather be effective on Zoom.

[1645] Nothing will replace this.

[1646] It's why I flew here from Australia.

[1647] Nothing will replace this.

[1648] If we did this virtually, it's not the same.

[1649] But when you have to do it virtually, you have to give more of yourself.

[1650] If you want them to feel valued, you have to adopt a mindset of generosity.

[1651] I'll explain.

[1652] We often think of generosity as the first form of generosity, which is money.

[1653] The easiest form of generosity to grasp.

[1654] And then you think about it for a bit more.

[1655] You go, oh, it's time.

[1656] Oh, okay, cool.

[1657] And then you think about it for more.

[1658] Often people don't think about the third form of generosity, which is energy.

[1659] That's what the third form is.

[1660] Because right now with you, I'm being generous with my energy.

[1661] I'm choosing to do this, Stephen.

[1662] I'm choosing to do it because I want to connect with you, because I want to be able to share the knowledge and I want to be able to do this.

[1663] Whereas...

[1664] There's a part of, again, there's a part of my brain that's like, oh, man, you're jet lagged.

[1665] You're tired.

[1666] Just back off a little bit.

[1667] Who cares?

[1668] All good.

[1669] Whereas I'm now being generous with it.

[1670] And online, you have to be so conscious of that.

[1671] You have to be so much more generous with your energy.

[1672] Because naturally, when you're sitting in front of a camera, you feel weird.

[1673] And then all of a sudden, it's like my wife.

[1674] When she watches me run my classes, she goes, I can't be in the same room because I feel like you're being too much.

[1675] And I am.

[1676] Because when I'm teaching my classes on like 400, 500 people, I bring a much bigger version of myself to that class.

[1677] I'm bringing a much bigger version than this.

[1678] And then my poor wife sitting there, she goes, oh, he's overdoing it, he's overdoing it.

[1679] But to every single student on that class with me virtually, oh, man, this is so engaging.

[1680] It's so beautiful to see how much zest you have for what you do.

[1681] And afterwards, I'm exhausted.

[1682] But it's a choice I'm willing to make to be masterful with what I do in that moment.

[1683] Now make sure your camera placement is well placed.

[1684] A lot of people, when they appear on Zoom, all you see is their head.

[1685] Now that makes you less visually dynamic, whereas this is why you need the external mic.

[1686] Push the laptop back, external camera, wider lens.

[1687] Let them see your whole torso.

[1688] Yeah, I love this.

[1689] This is so important.

[1690] And I learned this from Vanessa Van Edwards where you brought her on.

[1691] Oh, yeah.

[1692] Such a powerful, such a powerful concept where it's the idea of proxemics where there's...

[1693] the study of distances.

[1694] Most people, when they appear on Zoom, they appear in the intimate space.

[1695] And the intimate space is when your head is right next to your partner at night where you're doing pillow talk.

[1696] And that's how you appear on Zoom.

[1697] And when you appear that close, you feel self -conscious.

[1698] Everybody else goes, oh, that's a bit, right?

[1699] So if you all of a sudden now learn to appear in the personal and social space, which means they can see your full torso, that people feel more comfortable, but now you also have access to your hand gestures.

[1700] Light yourself well.

[1701] Okay.

[1702] And something very simple.

[1703] If you're doing Zoom meetings all the time and it's critical for you in your work, then learn three -point lighting.

[1704] Three -point lighting.

[1705] You've got that going on right here.

[1706] And if you don't know what it is, if you just searched it, you'd find it.

[1707] Which is essentially...

[1708] Three -point lighting.

[1709] You've got a key light, you've got a fill light, and you've got a hair light behind you.

[1710] Right?

[1711] OK, so there's a light behind you.

[1712] Yes.

[1713] There's one on the side here.

[1714] Yes.

[1715] And there's one on the front.

[1716] Is that what you mean?

[1717] Yes.

[1718] Three key lights, essentially.

[1719] Okay, fine.

[1720] Again, they technically call.

[1721] My videographers teach me all this where they say, oh, you need a key light, you've got to have a fill light, then you've got to have a backlight.

[1722] At the moment I did that on my Zoom course, I just looked different to every single other person who appeared on that Zoom course.

[1723] Interesting.

[1724] I'm just clearer, I'm crisper, right?

[1725] And this is, again, if you want to take it to the next level.

[1726] I want to take it to the next level.

[1727] All right, then great.

[1728] Then get a better quality camera too.

[1729] Don't rely on the laptop camera.

[1730] Okay.

[1731] Right?

[1732] A lot of people do this who are creators.

[1733] You just get a nicer webcam.

[1734] Minimum 1080p.

[1735] So you look sharper, you look clearer, and you're well lit.

[1736] OK.

[1737] Now you look better.

[1738] Done.

[1739] Perfect.

[1740] Get an external mic.

[1741] OK.

[1742] Because if you spend all of your time working on all of these wonderful vocal foundations, and if you've got a shitty microphone, and then you talk, you've lost there again.

[1743] And get fucking good Wi -Fi while you're out.

[1744] Yes, please.

[1745] Oh, Australia needs to listen to this as well.

[1746] Fiber optic.

[1747] Yeah, 100%.

[1748] And then all of a sudden now, so your visual looks good, auditory is looked after.

[1749] And don't be afraid to bring a bigger version of yourself.

[1750] So much of this is about identity, isn't it?

[1751] It is.

[1752] We're like, so many of us, including me, we're trapped in our identity, like who we think we are.

[1753] Do you know what one of the really remarkable things always reminds me how like BS, our communication style and our identity by way of this is, is just different accents.

[1754] Yes.

[1755] The fact that someone can live in an area and they can be scouse or they can...

[1756] you know, live in another area and they sound completely different, like they're from New York or something.

[1757] It just goes to show that we're just, like, it's so contagious and easy to blend in with one's environment.

[1758] I remember experiencing a negative experience with accent.

[1759] When I started to improve my articulation and I wanted to improve my pronunciation, everybody around me was saying, you're trying to be British.

[1760] Oh, really?

[1761] You're trying so hard to be British.

[1762] I'm like, no, no, I'm just trying to improve my articulation.

[1763] Right?

[1764] I used to slur my words all the time.

[1765] Being an Aussie, we used so much slang.

[1766] Yeah, I was gonna, but I didn't wanna.

[1767] Right?

[1768] And I could get that to a point where you won't even understand what I'm saying.

[1769] Yeah, I was gonna, but I didn't wanna.

[1770] Yeah, nah.

[1771] Didn't wanna do it.

[1772] Right?

[1773] Whereas I didn't pronounce my T's.

[1774] And then when I did pronounce my T's, instead of saying three, I would say free.

[1775] Can I have three of those?

[1776] And that's how I used to talk.

[1777] And I didn't realise by talking about that, people were making judgements about my intelligence.

[1778] And I was like, what?

[1779] I didn't even know this.

[1780] I didn't even know that this was happening.

[1781] And all I was doing, and again, people tried to keep me the same because of identity.

[1782] That's not how you should sound, Vin.

[1783] The mould you are is you're a fob, mate.

[1784] What are you doing?

[1785] Why are you trying to be this British Australian?

[1786] And I just said to them, because when I speak like that.

[1787] It creates the wrong perception in people's minds, and then they now look down on me as a result of that.

[1788] There are some accents that experience more discrimination than other accents.

[1789] They did a study in 2006.

[1790] It was a survey of the Chartered Institute of Personal and Development found that 76 % of employers admitted to discriminating against candidates based solely on their accent.

[1791] We judge a book by its cover, don't we?

[1792] We have...

[1793] We have that.

[1794] I have a thought, though.

[1795] My thought is, and this is what I believe, is that I don't believe accents are a problem.

[1796] I believe articulation and pronunciation are.

[1797] Why do you think people think people from the UK are smart?

[1798] There's this perception of it.

[1799] Don't you get that?

[1800] Where you're sophisticated.

[1801] James Bond.

[1802] It's because you articulate extremely well.

[1803] Especially the ones that make it to the movies.

[1804] The ones we see, it's because of that.

[1805] And you can have that level of sophistication and intelligence and you can radiate that intelligence with any accent.

[1806] I have students from India who the moment they improve their articulation, it's beautiful.

[1807] There's nothing wrong with your accent.

[1808] For the longest time, they said my accent is a problem.

[1809] I said, no, no, no, it's not a problem.

[1810] The problem is, and here's where we go deep.

[1811] Your whole life, you've learned the mouth movements to speak the Indian language.

[1812] Then when you go speak the English language, you're now using Indian mouth movements to speak the English language, which are the wrong set of mouth movements to speak this particular language, but no one teaches us this.

[1813] And I use the Vietnamese mouth movements to speak the English language, therefore, accent and lack of clarity.

[1814] So what did I have to do?

[1815] Learn the set of English mouth movements.

[1816] Completely changed me. And how do you do that?

[1817] A speech pathologist.

[1818] Oh, really?

[1819] I had to go see a speech pathologist, yeah.

[1820] I struggled with this, Stephen, my whole life.

[1821] That's why when people look at me now, very easy to assume, oh, he's born with the gift of the gab and the reality, I was born quite gabless.

[1822] Yeah.

[1823] And I share that because it is a skill that anybody can learn.

[1824] When you say to me, you can't do this, you can't do that, to me, I hear, oh, Vin, I speak with my hands in my pockets and I'm stuck that way for the rest of my life.

[1825] Take them out.

[1826] Take it out.

[1827] It's just a behaviour.

[1828] Yeah, I mean, when you told me that your English was your third language, I couldn't believe that.

[1829] Because there's no remnants.

[1830] There's usually a remnants of the language you spoke before.

[1831] There's like no evidence of it.

[1832] Because this has become the primary language that I speak the majority of the time now.

[1833] But even so, my mother, she spoke in, I guess she's Nigerian, so she spoke Nigerian for her childhood, moved to the UK when she was, I think, late.

[1834] years so maybe early 20s but there's always been the remnants of nigerian and she's what almost 60 now so that's 40 years is that just because she hasn't tried to well i think it's linked to identity right so i don't want to lose that okay i don't want to lose that connection i want to lose that sound it's why again most people don't change the way they sound throughout the entire course of their life i'm not saying she should because there is something about your origin that gives you a little bit more That's right.

[1835] Something a little bit more interesting.

[1836] But when I look at some of the research, it shows that in terms of employment opportunities...

[1837] I would love that study to be done in a way where the people who are speaking with accents have incredible articulation and pronunciation, as opposed to them speaking with poor articulation and pronunciation.

[1838] There's a big difference.

[1839] Research indicates that individuals who use non -standard speech patterns such as African -American vernacular...

[1840] English, often face negative perceptions regarding their intelligence, competence, they have worse housing opportunities, and they have worse legal outcomes.

[1841] Right.

[1842] It's a profound...

[1843] It is.