Will Forte

[0] Welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dack Shepard.

[2] Hi, Monica Padman.

[3] Hi.

[4] How you doing?

[5] Good.

[6] Doing good?

[7] We're just coming out of an argument about whether or not I could land an airplane, but we're going to shift gears.

[8] Say that you couldn't land one.

[9] I don't know who else is on the airplane.

[10] I stand by that.

[11] Yeah, you stand by that.

[12] And actually, I don't actually think I necessarily would land the plane successfully.

[13] I just think I'm your best bet to give it a shot.

[14] It's a crazy thing to say when you don't know.

[15] who else is there.

[16] How do you know you're...

[17] Well, we've already clarified that there's no pilots on board.

[18] Okay, so you think other than the actual person trained, yeah, out of any other person on planet Earth?

[19] Yes, once you go to that civilian, once you go to the civilian population to land the plane, I think I'm a really good bet.

[20] Okay.

[21] Okay.

[22] I think you're a good bet, too.

[23] I don't think you're necessarily the best person on Earth to fly a plane other than a pilot.

[24] Okay.

[25] Maybe not the best on Earth, but definitely time.

[26] top one percentile.

[27] So we are here to talk with our good friend, Will Forte, who we couldn't be bigger fans of.

[28] So talented.

[29] For me, for my money, chips on the table, the sharpest comedic brain in America.

[30] Yeah.

[31] I'm going with Will Forte.

[32] I agree.

[33] I think he has the most clever, bizarre take on everything.

[34] Yeah, me too.

[35] Boy, that last man on earth.

[36] I couldn't get enough of it.

[37] All of his sketches on SNL, they were so weird.

[38] I'm Tim Calhoun.

[39] Remember Tim Calhoun?

[40] Anyways, Will Forte is here.

[41] That's really exciting.

[42] Another exciting thing is you will notice that our armchair expert theme song is going to be slightly different today because an armcherry, Chris Jameson, re -recorded his own version of it, and we fell in love with it, so we're going to play it next.

[43] Please enjoy Will Forte and Chris Jameson.

[44] Take it away.

[45] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair.

[46] expert early and ad free right now.

[47] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[48] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[49] He's an armchair expert.

[50] He's an armchair expert.

[51] And he's an old chair expert.

[52] He's an armchair expert.

[53] Oh, sitting in his attic in a comfy chair Dexie Monica, you in every story shed, never one to judge, but always recognize every single life it has its own storyline, all the ups and downs, all the highs and lows, sharing struggles in our life is how we grow the most, so grab a drink and let's prepare our ears for the man in the comfy chair.

[54] He's an armchair expert.

[55] expert.

[56] He's an altam expert.

[57] He's an ultra expert.

[58] Well, Forte, you did what basically I won't do, which is go from west to east anytime after 2 p .m. in Los Angeles.

[59] It gets really, really soupy out there.

[60] And at about 8 or 8 .30 at night, it clears up a little bit.

[61] But, yeah, anytime between 2 o 'clock and about 8 o 'clock, it's a madhouse.

[62] And I apologize for that.

[63] I really wish I could have got you in here at like 10 or something, but I was working.

[64] I have a lot of gill.

[65] Okay, welcome through your original plan.

[66] Just so you know, one of my high school friends, this guy, Mike Mueller, I was going to go eat lunch with him, which was going to be on this side of town.

[67] So I was going to be heading over here.

[68] Oh, you're going to have a whole day over here.

[69] Yeah.

[70] And then he couldn't do it.

[71] So we're doing that tomorrow.

[72] So do you want to spend the night?

[73] Do you want to spend the night out here?

[74] Yeah, I would like to make the most of it.

[75] Yeah, we have a guest room.

[76] You were just telling me on the way in because I was explaining to you where we live versus we're at currently.

[77] And you said that you had been to Kristen's old house.

[78] Yes.

[79] Yeah, when you were, were you in fan boys?

[80] I was in a reshoot of fan boys.

[81] God, wait.

[82] I mean, this would have been pre -me.

[83] Yeah.

[84] I've been around for 11 years, so it was probably 12 years ago.

[85] It was right about when you guys were just about to start dating.

[86] Okay.

[87] Yeah.

[88] But that house was quite incredible.

[89] Oh, my God.

[90] It was this beautiful view of the valley.

[91] It was great.

[92] Yeah.

[93] And outrageously big.

[94] Yeah.

[95] So I don't know what thoughts you had when you went up there.

[96] But when I went there the first time, I thought she's really making a lot of money on Veronica Mars.

[97] Yes.

[98] But then it turns out she wasn't.

[99] Oh, is that right?

[100] Wait, somehow how she had this house?

[101] I don't know.

[102] Oh, because, I mean, it was spectacular house.

[103] It was palatial, right?

[104] Yeah.

[105] That's an adjective we would use.

[106] Yeah.

[107] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[108] So I was not going to read about you at all.

[109] I wasn't going to research you at all because we know each other.

[110] Yeah.

[111] Yeah, not as much as I'd like to, but we know each other.

[112] Yeah.

[113] And I am so delighted I did because I got to say there's a lot of counterintuitive stuff.

[114] Oh, I'm interested.

[115] Yes.

[116] Well, let's just start.

[117] First of all, you're from California.

[118] Yep.

[119] I grew up outside San Francisco.

[120] go, place called Lafayette.

[121] So Maraga till I was 13, and then the next town over, which is Lafayette, till I was, till I went to UCLA.

[122] Well, first of all, I was delighted to find out that we're both Bruins.

[123] Oh, I didn't know you were a Bruins.

[124] Isn't this exciting?

[125] I probably did at some point.

[126] I don't know.

[127] I didn't know you were, and I like to think I stay on top of it.

[128] Wait, what was your age or what was your years there?

[129] I graduated in 2000.

[130] Okay.

[131] I was 93.

[132] I took the first level of the groundlings, and I want to say 96 or 97.

[133] Oh, wow.

[134] And so I was going to Santa Monica Community College.

[135] I would have been.

[136] You were like a boss then.

[137] This would have been right before I was in the Sunday company.

[138] Okay.

[139] So I would still been in the program then.

[140] Yes.

[141] And I was very aware of you for a reason that is so me, which is, and I'm jumping ahead now, but you were writing on the 70s show.

[142] Yeah.

[143] In what year?

[144] 2000?

[145] 2000.

[146] Until 2000, yeah.

[147] Right.

[148] So in 2000, I knew that there was a groundling, you, Will Forte, who wrote on the 70s show, which I found that to be mind -blowing.

[149] Because mind you, I just moved from Detroit.

[150] So the fact that there was someone, you know, in our little group there that I would see was like writing on the 70s show.

[151] I just, I found that very impressive and interesting.

[152] Thank you.

[153] And then I, and then even weirder, the story I heard was you were writing on the 70s show and you got offered SNL.

[154] Well, you auditioned for S &L, and you got offered S &L, and you left the 70s show to be on S &O.

[155] But weirdly today, I found out initially you didn't.

[156] Yes.

[157] Is that correct?

[158] Yeah.

[159] Because when I had heard that, when I was an aspiring ground, and I heard you were leaving that show as a writer to go perform on S &L, I thought, I want money so bad I can't believe he's going to leave.

[160] What I at least assumed was less money.

[161] You were making more writing on the 70s show than you would have made.

[162] made on Saturday Live, right?

[163] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[164] Yeah, so I just, as someone who's dead broke, I was so in awe of that decision.

[165] It was a terrifying decision to me because the 70s show had, okay, I guess I have to jump back.

[166] Let's go all.

[167] Yes.

[168] Your story's so absolutely shocking to me that you actually majored in history at UCLA and became a financial planner.

[169] The timeline is I went to UCLA, graduated, I had no idea what I wanted to do.

[170] so I just did what my dad did.

[171] Basically, I was on the very bottom floor of the financial industry.

[172] I was just, I was cold calling for this guy who was a financial consultant.

[173] It was not for me, but I also am, I wouldn't say lazy.

[174] I worked very hard, but I also, I guess I get comfortable in situations and I can justify things to myself and I'll just stay in something that I know is not the right thing.

[175] Yes.

[176] At a certain point, he came up and said, I want you to be my junior guy.

[177] I want to groom you.

[178] Yeah.

[179] So I'm going to put you through the series seven.

[180] And I realized, oh, if I take the series seven is that test that you have to take, like taking your real estate license.

[181] Okay.

[182] And then you can what like buy bonds or something?

[183] Then you can just, yeah, you can do transactions.

[184] Can I add because it's relevant?

[185] This was in Beverly Hills, too.

[186] It was Beverly Hills.

[187] Yes.

[188] Doesn't that tasty, Monica?

[189] That Will Forte.

[190] Was doing.

[191] Our favorite comedian.

[192] Yeah.

[193] Yeah.

[194] Was working in Beverly Hills as a fan.

[195] I mean, that can't be common knowledge.

[196] I was just delighted to see that.

[197] What a weird start.

[198] For how long?

[199] It was, I had, for the last, like, year of college, I was interning there, basically.

[200] And then for about a year and a half after college, like, right, my first year and a half outside of college.

[201] And, but I just realized, like, take this series seven, I'm locked in because I'll feel too guilty to leave.

[202] This guy will have paid for this.

[203] So I just thought that was the impetus to get off my ass and like it was now or never.

[204] Because I was realizing, oh, I think I want to try comedy.

[205] I think I had, I don't know, you know, people always say, oh, when did you realize you wanted to do comedy?

[206] I don't, I don't know.

[207] I just used to love S &L.

[208] And I think I look back and I realize I probably wanted to do it forever but yeah because you would do weird things as a kid right like you'd record yourself doing things yeah right do that kind of stuff um i didn't have a device to record with but i would um this is so embarrassing i would when i'd comb my hair in the morning i would get distracted with the notion that i was on letterman and then i would uh you know imagine the questions he'd be asking me and then i would answer them in the mirror and i would just do my appearance on letterman like all the time so i don't really know where to file that to your point i wasn't like thinking i'm going to be on TV.

[209] But somehow I thought I'm going to be on Letterman.

[210] What was it like the first time you went on Letterman then?

[211] Oh my gosh.

[212] I was giddy.

[213] I was just elated to be staring at him in person.

[214] Yeah.

[215] And he seemed to like me. You know, it can go one way or another.

[216] And I was like, I was feeling that, oh, I'm one of the people he seems to like.

[217] This is amazing.

[218] And I just was on cloud nine, you know.

[219] Yeah.

[220] It was, yeah, one of the highest moments of this whole ride has been that.

[221] Yes.

[222] I agree.

[223] Because I will say I also, I, you worked there.

[224] I eventually worked at Letterman.

[225] That was one of your.

[226] You know what?

[227] I'll, because this other stuff will be pretty quick.

[228] Yeah.

[229] So the, so my buddy, Scott Thomas had told me about the groundlings.

[230] Okay.

[231] The owner of Wendy's.

[232] Yes.

[233] Scott Thomas.

[234] Well, what was that guy?

[235] Dave Thomas.

[236] Okay.

[237] So he told me about it.

[238] And so it was on my radar and I had started writing while I was still at the financial place.

[239] Smith Barney Shearsen.

[240] Oh, it sounds so much like a financial place.

[241] Anytime you got Barney in the name or something.

[242] I wish it was E .F. Hutton, you know, that's not those ads.

[243] But so I had started writing with my friend Anne, and we wrote a couple scripts and got an agent.

[244] And then I started doing the groundlings and got a job on the Jenny McCarthy sketch show.

[245] Which, again, this all gets so ironic in Dovetailie because did you know Melissa yet?

[246] I didn't.

[247] Okay, so Melissa McCarthy and Jenny McCarthy are cousins.

[248] So how weird though that you would then your first - So I met her there because she was just a PA and I remember her saying, oh, yeah, I want to go to the groundlings.

[249] Oh, she hadn't started yet.

[250] Oh, she hadn't started.

[251] She was talking about how she was going to start the program.

[252] And, you know, in my head, I'm like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, have fun.

[253] But like 95 % of people who go to the groundlings don't make it.

[254] I think it's even, yeah, it's even worse, yeah.

[255] Um, so I was just like, oh, that's, that's nice, you know, I, it's not in a mean way, but you're just thinking, just because the odds are against everybody.

[256] The odds were against me at the time.

[257] A hundred percent.

[258] You know, I didn't, I'm still, at that point, I was in the Sunday company and there was no guarantee that I would get into the actual mainstage show.

[259] So, you know, the chances of this person trying out.

[260] You're just like, oh, yeah, good, you know, that's the best of luck not knowing this person would be.

[261] The best may be grand, granted of all time.

[262] I mean, really ironic.

[263] I'm pretty sure that the very first time she was ever on TV was, we were cops together.

[264] It was this huge sketch where they needed as many people as possible because there were a ton of people stuck up in this tree.

[265] And so she and I were cops sitting on this tree branch.

[266] Yeah, the Jenny McCarthy show.

[267] I think I would have to ask her, but I'm pretty sure that was the first time she was ever in a sketch or on TV.

[268] So that's kind of fun.

[269] Well, similar to my obsession with you having been a writer on the 70s show while I was going through the program, I was, Melissa and I were peers.

[270] We were in a comedy troupe together.

[271] Oh, really?

[272] I didn't know that.

[273] Oh, yeah.

[274] I was blown away that she had a blood relative that was Jenny McCarthy.

[275] Like, I thought that was just mind -blowing that her cousin was famous and everything.

[276] I mean, that's how brand new to everything I was.

[277] Oh, yeah.

[278] No, I was the same way.

[279] It was so exciting.

[280] So had Will just left?

[281] Had Will Ferrell and Sherry had just left when you got into the Sunday company to go to Saturday Night Live?

[282] They had left a while before because I remember I went, when I first was thinking about going to the groundlings, I thought, I'll check out a show.

[283] So I went and the show, I saw a Sunday show, and the people in the show were Will Farrell, Sherry O 'Terry, Kristen Tan, on a gas dire.

[284] Oh, my gosh.

[285] You know, I thought, oh, this is an amazing place, not knowing, oh, these are all going to be like these superstars.

[286] Yeah, it's like your first basketball game you saw Michael Jordan.

[287] Okay, so I'm going to go a little further back because I do think there's all these interesting, again, counterintuitive things that I didn't know about you.

[288] One is you're from California, and I find that unique and interesting.

[289] But in high school, you were on the football team.

[290] you were a swimmer yes yes me you're shaking your head i was a very good competitive swimmer as a like six seven eight nine ten eleven year old okay then i got burnout um and i just stopped and then i tried to start up again in high school and i was i was more of like a uh kind of team cheerleader okay who would practice with the team always knew where the towels were and everything i don't even know if i ever made varsity but okay but But then you were also class president.

[291] I was class president.

[292] Yeah, my freshman year, I was class president.

[293] And this is no assessment of what I think when I look at you.

[294] It's just, it's very unconventional for a successful comedian to have like...

[295] Been popular.

[296] Yeah, it's been accepted and popular and like happy.

[297] I just generally speaking, you feel like an outsider and you, you know, you kind of want to make fun of all the people that you wish you were.

[298] And I was just shocked to see that you pretty much crushed in high school.

[299] I was a nice person.

[300] I was a good, nice person.

[301] I had a lot of friends because I was just nice to everybody.

[302] And I feel like I was my best self in high school.

[303] And college, a little bit too, but college, I don't know.

[304] I would just treat people the way I would want to be treated.

[305] And, you know, regardless of click or, you know, whatever.

[306] What strata they were in in high school.

[307] And my sister, and I learned a lot of that from my sister, who's the same and I don't know we were just a forte kids were nice kids they were nice kids and do you think that's just biologically or were mom and dad really prioritizing that my mom's super nice too like every we have a pretty good uh loving family yeah I don't know I don't know where that came from I mean it had to come from my my parents I'm sure right but my sister was the same way so I was like oh she's pretty cool how many grades older was she she was two grades older okay that's kind of a that's very helpful isn't it oh yeah to arrive in high school and you're scared and she was friends with every single person everyone loved her is you know right beautiful cheerleader homecoming oh really queen did she have cool boyfriends that took you under their wing she did have some very nice boyfriends she was she was good at picking boyfriends um they were good like good people they like i was she would never bring home some guy who was was, you'd go like, oh, I don't like this guy.

[308] Right.

[309] It was always, you know, at the, if, it, anytime, if she would ever bring home somebody that you weren't super into, it would be more like, oh, he's kind of boring.

[310] Right.

[311] But never he's going to, like, jump railroad tracks and kill her or something.

[312] Okay.

[313] It's got a pack of condoms.

[314] Falling out.

[315] Or something.

[316] And, um, that's where people keep them, right, in their socks.

[317] Yeah.

[318] I always kept a few in my socks.

[319] Um, and then you joined.

[320] to fraternity in UCLA.

[321] I did.

[322] I joined Lambda Chi Alpha.

[323] Again, I have this stereotype in my head of what someone who joins a fraternity is.

[324] Now, again, I've been proven wrong because my best friend Nate Tuck was in one, two, and he's the loveliest guy ever.

[325] But I do have this, you know, weird stereotype in my head of them being like super alpha and chest pounding and, you know, occasionally day raping.

[326] So I just see, that's in my mind what it is.

[327] So when I, I can't imagine you being attracted to that.

[328] But maybe this certain fraternity were they artsy or something?

[329] Well, it's hard justifying going into a fraternity.

[330] When you look back, it's, you know, you realize it definitely was not like a super meatheady fraternity.

[331] And also going to UCLA, as you know, it's a huge place.

[332] But, I mean, there were some, there were definitely some meathead fraternities there.

[333] And, yeah, there were some guys who were, you know, but there were some guys that I'm still really, close friends with the the fraternity was like a non hazing fraternity okay uh so but was that rare then yeah it was that way i mean yeah that was pretty rare yeah and was dad in a fraternity what my dad was in a fraternity so i think a lot of that period was like it sounds like you were following dad's playbook yeah exactly did he go to UCLA he didn't he went to dartmouth okay yeah well that's a fine school yeah i've that's where i wanted to go to school.

[334] You did.

[335] I wanted to go there and they wouldn't let me in.

[336] Really?

[337] Even with, uh, because it's, I got some good, I was a, like a, uh, a pretty, uh, conscientious, uh, student and, and, you know, did a bunch of, you know, extracurriculars and sports and stuff.

[338] So, so, uh, um, I don't think my SATs were great, though.

[339] My SATs were, okay, but it's really hard to, uh, it may be marginally easier when you went, but it's very hard to get in UCLA.

[340] I mean, when I went there, the starting grade point was like 4 .04.

[341] Most kids got more than a 4 .0.

[342] Yeah.

[343] I was not excited to go to UCLA.

[344] I wanted to go to Dartmouth first, Stanford, which is where my dad went to business school.

[345] I wanted to go there second or co -first, then Berkeley.

[346] And none of those let me in.

[347] And I went to UCLA kind of begrudgingly.

[348] and now I can't imagine having gone anywhere else.

[349] I'd love it there.

[350] Well, also, do you think you would have felt as close to show business enough, kind of getting a sense of your personality, and you seem to play it safe a little bit, right?

[351] Yeah.

[352] It would be a big leap for you, say you had gone to Stanford and you stayed in Northern California, that you would have then moved to L .A. to pursue this.

[353] It seems convenient that you happen to be here, and Growlings was a mile down the street.

[354] there is no way that I would be in this business right now if I did not go to UCLA because I it's it was hard enough to be down here yeah right where it's all happening and start like telling my family was really hard but but if I had to include like oh I'm also going to have to relocate to a different city yes that just would have been one step too much so like you know oh I'm going to go take this class at the ground and was easier when it's like, oh, this is not 400 miles away from here, but it's, you know, it's just something you're going to do on a Tuesday night.

[355] It's not that big of a commitment.

[356] Yeah, like really generalizing now.

[357] But when I think of you as a comedian, there are people that are just in constant search of attention.

[358] That's me. And then there are people who just have a very peculiar point of view that is comedic.

[359] like I think of you as such now what's weird about that I just think of you as like mentally having such a comedic offbeat left of center point of view thank you yeah and then but then weirdly some of your characters are so the level of commitment and how big they are kind of goes against what I'm saying but just in general when I've been around you in real life you're not trying to crack everyone up you're just a very sincere kind of guy and you're not generally trying to get attention I appreciate you saying that yes I think it's the less common variety of comedian like i think you're a unicorn in that way i feel like as i was growing up i might have been a little more outgoing and louder and more willing to do weird stuff that might get attention until i got work as an actor and then i didn't want to i didn't want anybody to think like oh look at that guy trying so hard to get like he's always on yeah yeah yeah okay but so you go through the and you become a writer on the 70s show.

[360] And you're pretty young at that point.

[361] Oh, so one more little thing.

[362] Yes, please.

[363] So I went from 70 show to Letterman.

[364] Oh, yes.

[365] Letterman was my second job, and I was terrified, because this is my hero, and I was only there for nine months, and I didn't do a good job.

[366] The show was slightly different.

[367] I'll say the show seemed to be a little different than the one that I had watched in high school.

[368] I kind of, I didn't watch as much in college.

[369] Okay.

[370] And then they went over to CBS.

[371] And it was, it just seemed to turn, it was a little less weird.

[372] Yeah, it was a little more mainstream at 1130, right?

[373] Yeah.

[374] So I was trying to figure out how to fit into their groove there.

[375] And I just, I was not good at it.

[376] I didn't do a good job.

[377] So after nine months, I got fired.

[378] Well, before I want to hear what that experience is like.

[379] I have to imagine it's soul -crushing.

[380] Well, this is all feeding into eventually that S &L thing.

[381] Okay.

[382] So then go to come back, went on this show called The Army Show, which went 13 episodes and out.

[383] Then I went to this show called Action, which was, there was quite a bit of, like, excitement about this show, and then for some reason didn't catch on 13 episodes and out.

[384] Then I went to Third Rock from the Sun.

[385] I was kind of like in the, I think it was the third season I, came in kind of toward the end of that, wrote until that show ended, and then they took me over to, because they were both Carsey -Berner shows by the Bonnie and Terry Turner, so they took me over to 70s show.

[386] You're pretty young during this period, right?

[387] Yeah, I would have been, at the time I went to the, well, I mean, I was, I went to SNL at 32.

[388] So I started at 70s show at probably 29 or 30.

[389] Okay.

[390] But then like, Letterman, how old were you when you?

[391] Letterman, I was 27, 26.

[392] Yeah, that's pretty young.

[393] But there was, Rodney Rothman was there.

[394] He was like 22.

[395] Oh, really?

[396] And Carter and Craig, the guys who started how I met your mother, who created that, they were, they came straight from college.

[397] So they were 21 or 22 also.

[398] So there were all these young kids.

[399] So I knew it wasn't that I was too young.

[400] I just, I don't know.

[401] I just wasn't.

[402] Did you like that lifestyle?

[403] Being a writer in a writer's room.

[404] and then being on set for the show?

[405] Yeah, I loved writing.

[406] The only thing was it's just totally unpredictable.

[407] It's terrifying in ways because you don't know how long the show is going to last.

[408] So then when I'm at 70's show and I was still doing these shows at the groundlings every once and a while got the...

[409] Lauren Michaels came to a show, asked me to audition, and I was terrified.

[410] I was remembering back to the Letterman stuff and how what, you know, Letterman was one of my all -time favorites.

[411] S &L was one of my all -time favorites.

[412] Right.

[413] Am I going to crush another dream?

[414] Right, right.

[415] That was your last.

[416] And you mix that together with the fact that 70s show had just gotten picked up for two seasons.

[417] Uh -huh.

[418] So you're like, you just don't have that kind of.

[419] You're going to get 48 paychecks.

[420] Yeah.

[421] Yeah.

[422] How on earth do you turn that down?

[423] It's so rare in writing that you, or any kind of entertainment job that you're going to have that kind of stability.

[424] It was a combination of the stability, but more than anything, it was that terror of what if I don't make it and then my dream is crushed.

[425] Yeah, you've got to completely reevaluate what's next.

[426] So I, but again, isn't there part of yourself, like, like a human, humility side of you that is going wow you already have something spectacular which is like a staff writer on a successful sitcom and who do you think you are to now gamble something that is so fantastic on something that's so unknown were you having that kind of mental debate with yourself oh totally and by the way 70 show was the best job of all time yeah we'd go in at 10 and leave at 430 or 5 oh wow every day which is unheard of for comedy writing jobs so you at a certain point you did audition and you got offered the job on Saturday Night Live as a yes yes and you did you initially turn it down I said no oh my goodness oh my gosh because I was scared yeah yeah but I said I was like to my friends I was like yeah I don't know I'm just you know whatever I think I'm going to make my own short this is before YouTube or anything so you're like I'm just going to make my own short films and uh huh I'm sorry dumb and then mark brazil uh at 70's show like you said you know how do you leave this show what if it he he was the one who took away the thing that scared me which was he said go and audition if it doesn't work out you got a job back here oh how wonderful and i didn't that was the last thing i wanted to say because i wanted the excuse that yeah so i went and auditioned and then how nerve wracking is that experience oh it's terrifying i can't imagine it's terrifying I went in with a job that I had to go back to.

[427] Like, I can't imagine how, like, if this is, if you're going in with nothing, how terrifying that would be.

[428] So, yeah, it's scary.

[429] But the good thing about it, like, I've always been horrible at auditioning.

[430] But with S &L, you get to do your own stuff.

[431] Like, it's all, you don't have to interpret what you think they're looking for.

[432] You can just do your thing.

[433] five best characters that you've proven on the stage at the groundlings right and that and that's what you did how many characters did you end up doing you're supposed to do three and three that's kind of the three characters three impersonations i did four characters and two impersonations because i'm not very good at impersonations yeah who are your impersonations my impersonations were martin sheen okay who i i i mean i don't do a martin sheen i never did okay but it was what does it even sound like I think I came in and I said, hey, I'm Martin Sheen.

[434] And I've had a cold.

[435] So if the cold's kind of going away, so if it doesn't sound like me, it's because of the cold.

[436] But if it does, then I guess the cold's gone.

[437] I think the sign of any great impersonation is how frequently you have to say the person's name who you're impersonating.

[438] I had a sketch at the growlings where I was doing Wilford Brimley.

[439] So I just kept saying Wilford Brimley.

[440] I think if you heard it enough, you started assuming I sounded like him or forgetting.

[441] what he's on and like.

[442] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[443] What's up guys?

[444] It's your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season and let me tell you it's too good and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest okay?

[445] Every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation and I don't mean just friends I mean the likes of Amy Polar Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox the list goes on so follow, watch and listen to baby, this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[446] We've all been there.

[447] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[448] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[449] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[450] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[451] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

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[454] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[455] You know, that's, that, the other day we were talking about Wilford Brimley because I brought up the fact that Roy Orbison, how old would you guess Roy Orbison was when he died?

[456] I am like 85, I guess.

[457] He was 52 or maybe 53.

[458] Oh, my God.

[459] He looked like he was 50 when he was 20.

[460] No disrespect to the Orbson family.

[461] No genetics, but, but then Wilfrid.

[462] Wilfred Brimley, when he was doing cocoon, he's, I think, in his 40s.

[463] Oh, my, he's playing a grandfather, right?

[464] Yeah.

[465] It is nuts.

[466] And the way you know it's nuts is every time I hear he's still alive, it always kind of shocks me. I'm like, well, no, that guy was very old when I was young.

[467] Yeah.

[468] But to your point, he was playing 60 when he was 40.

[469] Yeah, he's probably in his 70s now.

[470] Well, I recently, my daughter got into the Golden Girls.

[471] She's only five, but for whatever reason she likes the Golden Girls.

[472] And I was watching, and those women are quite young.

[473] Yeah.

[474] Like, they're not grandmas when I watch it.

[475] They're pretty young.

[476] But who was the other, I'm sorry, Monica.

[477] No, I was just going to make sure we got the other impression in.

[478] Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I was.

[479] It was Michael McDonald, which I know everybody does Michael McDonald.

[480] I made it into a weird, you know, I said, I'm Michael McDonald and I did, you know, I did a, I did a, I did a matchup of, I don't think I used to term mashup because I don't think that was a thing back then.

[481] But it was like, I did, I just kept going, uh, taking it to the, taking it to the I'm a moby.

[482] It's just like this segueing back and forth Between those two songs forever Yeah And then I came back a year later And the only impersonation I did was Joni Mitchell But I did I said I have a tune of I have an album of covers And this is This is my cover of Almost don't let your babies go up to be cow boys And then it was a mama stole that your babies grew up to be cowboys.

[483] Do not let the time drive and old trucks.

[484] Why did you go back?

[485] Okay, so I said no the first time.

[486] And they made you re -audition?

[487] During that year, I was like, oh, I made a huge mistake.

[488] Like, that was my one shot to do it.

[489] You can't not pursue a dream because you're scared.

[490] Yeah, you're insuring.

[491] failure by not doing it.

[492] You must be in a very select group of people who have turned that show down, are you?

[493] Do you even know those numbers?

[494] Like, as Lauren ever pulled you aside and said, by the way, you're one of only three people that turned it down?

[495] I think it's a, I think it's a small number, but I don't know.

[496] I don't know.

[497] I feel like somebody else has had to at some point.

[498] Yeah.

[499] But that's incredible.

[500] It was not as punk rock a move as it sounds now.

[501] It was more like, thank God they, you know, came back the next year.

[502] and asked if I would reconsider and I said I would love to and so they'd said come you'll have to audition again just for you know just to go through the process so I said standards and practices insisting so I did basically what I did the but I changed up the impersonations and then did it so those are the impersonations the characters I did I did Tim Calhoun my favorite by the way my absolute favorite I just was it You, Monica?

[503] Just two weeks ago, I forced Monica to sit through all the Tim Calhouns I could find.

[504] It wasn't all the worst thing.

[505] It was a jewel.

[506] Well, I mean, forcing that you didn't have an option.

[507] Sure.

[508] You were going to watch those, but you loved them.

[509] Oh, yeah.

[510] I mean, I find myself doing Tim Calhoun all the time.

[511] Oh, Tim Calh.

[512] Oh, it's so.

[513] That was the best thing to get to do that on the show because it was one of the first things I did.

[514] and it's a nervous character so like it didn't matter if I was because I was nervous as hell to do it so even having done the groundlings for so long it's still just yeah oh you do it a ton of times but you still go oh what if it just doesn't translate basically the the thing that I used to do at the groundlings was word for word um well for the very first time I did it on SNL was the one that I did at the ground length.

[515] Right.

[516] I think that's one of the things guys.

[517] I think that Tina had come to see the show once Tina Faye in L .A. Before Lauren had come and had seen the show that I did, Tim Calhoun, and then I had also done one of the other things I did in my audition was this thing called Gold Man. Gold Man, you know, those people all dressed in gold, and I'm standing on this pedestal and people come up and they're putting money in and I'll do a little movement.

[518] it says dollars make me move and then a robber they all go to watch a sword swallower and then a robber comes up takes all my money and takes off but i'm stuck there because since they didn't put money in i can't move sure so i'm waiting finally somebody comes back Oh, it's in a dollar, and I take off to try to find this person.

[519] They're long gone with all my money.

[520] So I get back up and I'm super sad.

[521] And then this little kid comes with the dad and says, Daddy, why is he look so sad?

[522] And he says, maybe if you give him a dollar, they'll tell you.

[523] Maybe you give him $2, he'll tell you in song.

[524] So I, so I, the robber used to be Jim Rash, by the way.

[525] Yes, we've, one of the greatest of all time.

[526] Sometimes Nat, we would all switch around.

[527] And Maya was in it.

[528] Maya would be, Maya Rudolph, we had a great group back then.

[529] It was such a group.

[530] But anyway, so I sing this song about how, you know, how hard it is to be a gold man. And then it's this real feel -good song.

[531] And then at the very end I say like, you know, you're hard of gold.

[532] But it don't make me no saint because I got a little secret.

[533] I saw a cock for my face paint.

[534] And all these people who are like dancing behind me just start looking at each other.

[535] and then I keep singing and they drop out.

[536] I suck cock for my face pain.

[537] I suck a cock for my face pain.

[538] Cock, face pain.

[539] I suck a cock for my face pain.

[540] I suck that cock for my face pain, face pain, face pain, cock, face pain, cock and face pain.

[541] Cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, together at last in a heaven a union and it's just like all just devolves into just cocks and face pains and so I did that for my audition that was the very last thing I did in my audition at S &L and I walked off the stage and Lauren Lauren was standing there and just said thank you for coming and I didn't know what to say so I just said sorry about all the Cox and then just walked out.

[542] And the next thing I heard I had gotten the job.

[543] Well, you have like some themes in your comedy.

[544] And one of them I identify so much with is you seem to have an OCD with singing and songs.

[545] Is that true?

[546] Sure.

[547] Is that a good observation?

[548] Because OCD in what way though?

[549] What would you mean?

[550] Well, like, so I find myself, this drives my wife crazy is I find myself singing the same song almost all day long around the house and I'm switching out many of the lyrics for cock and balls or shaft and buns and I just I just go through the same song and I basically either can't stop doing it or I'm not even aware than I'm doing it's almost you know I would do what I associated with a tick well like you know that song this Christmas uh it's an R &B Christmas song but it goes do do do do do do do do do do I was like my I can just my bag, slash my shaft.

[551] Do -de -de -de -de -de -de -do -do.

[552] I'll squeeze my bones.

[553] Come on now, scrap their balls.

[554] And I can just get stuck on that thing, and I try to think of new words for a squeeze the head, pinch the balls, screws the shaft.

[555] If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[556] And I, yeah.

[557] And when I see, like, Last Man on Earth, and your character is, like, singing all these weird songs and play.

[558] I just, I assume, I guess, that you're in your house, kind of just doing it in the back of your mind all the time.

[559] Are you plagued with that?

[560] Well, I do like, I love singing.

[561] Okay.

[562] Like when I used to be at S &L, Sadaikas and I would just go do karaoke.

[563] Uh -huh.

[564] God, every other night, maybe every night sometimes.

[565] Uh -huh.

[566] Toward the end, we were just going to private rooms and just go over.

[567] Oh, private rooms?

[568] Oh, yeah.

[569] Just the two of us sometimes.

[570] Most of the time, just the two of us do a couple of our favorites to warm up.

[571] and then just deep cut it.

[572] So you love singing.

[573] The word OCD was that triggering?

[574] Because I feel like, you know, the saying, a fisherman always sees another fisherman at sea.

[575] Okay.

[576] I don't know that thing, but that's a great one.

[577] I'm O .C. Well, I used to be very, very bad OCD in high school.

[578] Or junior high elementary, yes.

[579] I had all these crazy rituals I did.

[580] Oh, like, what were your things?

[581] I'll try to give you the condensed version because I've done it on here too many times but my shitting ritual was I had to be bare naked I had to put my feet on the on the bowl and squat and then I had to do everything twice and I had to take the toilet paper and walk out of the bathroom and touch the wall in the hallway you would shit twice no I would shit and then it was time to wipe and for whatever reason I had to take the toilet paper out of the room touch the bathroom wall come back but then I had to do mind you I'm naked So I got to look in the hall and make sure none of my family members know this.

[582] Pre -wiping, so you got to, like, go with it.

[583] Yes, I'm the, yes, I, yes, this sounds like a great observation.

[584] No one, I've told that to many people and no one's pointed out the fact that I was walking with sticky buns, which is a great thing to think of.

[585] I'm sure everyone's thought it and just didn't say it.

[586] But I would have to then do that twice.

[587] So then I would have all this toilet paper and then I'd feel very guilty that I'm wasting so much toilet paper.

[588] And, you know, I had, I licked my fingertips all the time.

[589] I didn't think anyone knew, and my sister pointed, you know, yelled at me for doing it.

[590] I would get into weird things with my eyes where I had to blink my eyes a lot or I had to stretch my nose or just a million of them.

[591] And in fact, it wasn't until I started smoking cigarettes that they started dissipating.

[592] But I still have some weird things and I do some things kind of compulsively.

[593] It's really interesting because my stuff didn't, I read a book about OCD and it is interesting because it says basically it's, in you and it just gets there's some inciting traumatic thing that brings it out so i think i think a lot of people i think most people have some form of it in them but some just have it worse than others but but like mine didn't come out till i i think after college like like and and you know what it might have come closer to when my parents got divorced they got divorced in like 93 or 94 and that was a big deal because at first I was telling myself, oh, well, at least they didn't get divorced when I was younger.

[594] You know, this will be easier.

[595] But then there's something scary about, like, you don't know what you want to do with your life.

[596] It was right as I was graduating.

[597] That weird job.

[598] Yeah, before I was like, oh, I don't know what I want to do, but at least I got this family, this wonderful, supportive family.

[599] And then all of a sudden, that's exploded.

[600] And I feel like that must have triggered something.

[601] Yeah, because this probably, safest part of your life is returning home for Christmas, for holidays, and it's that unit.

[602] And now you're going to be the one place you have to go feel very safe and not scared is now changed.

[603] Yeah.

[604] Yeah.

[605] It's weird.

[606] Yeah.

[607] So I'd always heard that too, is that it starts when your life is out of control in some way.

[608] And then you, it's something for you to control.

[609] Of course, you're not completely unconscious of this.

[610] But mine started with the arrival of my first stepdad, who was a terrible person.

[611] So that's, I can definitely see it make.

[612] sense.

[613] But I was talking to a psychiatrist, right?

[614] And I was in his office.

[615] And his office was organized in a way that was borderline serial killerish, right?

[616] And so I said to him jokingly, you know, it's not my place to say this, but I'm assuming there was some period of your life where you were maybe a little out of control and you may be a little OCD or something.

[617] I make some kind of joke about it.

[618] Yeah.

[619] And he goes, well, it's not, that's what everyone always thought.

[620] He goes, but there's much more proof now that it is an area of your brain that is kind of overdeveloped.

[621] And then I was watching 60 Minutes on people with Super Memory.

[622] I don't know if you know about these people.

[623] Mary Lou Henner?

[624] Yes.

[625] Larry, Mary Lou Henner.

[626] I really want to read her book, but keep going.

[627] I could talk about Super Memory for the rest of our lives.

[628] Yes.

[629] But what they found is that people with Super Memory, almost without exception, they are all also OCD.

[630] So even Mary Lou, her closet is insane.

[631] showed it on 60 minutes.

[632] So whatever, they figured out the area of your brain that is also really overdeveloped from memory is also contributing to this OCD.

[633] So I think there's a lot of components to it, I guess is what I'm saying.

[634] But it's really interesting because I hear your stuff and none of that stuff is what I have, but it's, it makes total sense to me. What are yours?

[635] More like it's locks.

[636] Do you want to tell me the one first or you want to?

[637] No, I want you.

[638] I keep hijacking your thoughts.

[639] I'm sorry.

[640] Oh, no, no, no. God.

[641] Uh, it's stove for sure and checking in some kind of rhythm of fours mine's up mine's four is not two's okay and and making sure it's off making sure it's off and i never use the fucking stove why don't i could just turn the gas off for yeah i don't know i could i could just have the stove removed i mean i don't use it never have i've maybe used it twice and i've lived in my house for 16 years and but you'll get out of bed to double check it no now i'm i'm much better now okay i get much better um and sometimes i don't even check now i feel like i've i've gotten through the worst of it but then but i always thought oh it's just these two things and then checking faucets making sure that it's i don't want to burn the house down i don't want to flood the house so i make sure that you know i have this pattern with the shower and the faucets also i don't know what that's all about right And thank God I don't have the, you know, some people have it to such a degree that they can't even leave the house and stuff.

[642] Oh, and it threatens their health.

[643] Like, they wash their hands to the point that the skin falls off and stuff.

[644] Yeah, and I've, I've, that general stuff.

[645] But then it's also, like, I always thought that's the extent of it.

[646] It's just those things.

[647] But then I've realized the older I get, the more you realize, oh, it's in every part of my life in little ways.

[648] Like, it's what makes me not be able to stop working and be a, you know, when I'm in a work situation.

[649] Like, I don't always need to.

[650] be working but when I am working I'm working you can lose sight of everything else yeah and and like or like doing a jigsaw puzzle is the dumbest thing but like if you put me on a jigsaw puzzle goodbye civilization I don't know anything exists except that jigsaw puzzle on New Year's once it was I think it was the millennium and I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle and then I had to go to the bathroom I came out and they had just destroyed the jigsaw puzzle because I had not been part of the group for like a day and a half.

[651] Oh, my goodness.

[652] New Year's was approaching, so they're like, we've got to destroy this.

[653] Yeah, the thing I heard about you, and I don't remember the specifics of it, but I heard there was you have some kind of, when you're saying goodbye on a phone call, there's some kind of repetition or OCD.

[654] Do you know what I'm talking about?

[655] I would say more than that.

[656] I'm now really nervous that I just said something that hurt your feelings and that you have no idea that you.

[657] No, not at all.

[658] The thing that I for sure know, and I don't think I'm, I'm not as locked into this as I used to be, but it used to be that when I was, like, at a party, I had to say goodbye to each person, maybe not strangers.

[659] That's maybe what I heard.

[660] No, but it would be like, if you came with me to a party and you're like, let's go, we get, you know, good luck getting me out that door.

[661] It's like a half hour of, you know, making sure each person I talk to that, night as a close off right a nice thorough goodbye so just in case i die on the way home it's like oh i remember our last conversation and that is my absolute biggest pet peeve i got to say really if i would never go to you i would never ever ride with you anywhere ever because of that you have better yeah because i just leave i cannot stand saying goodbye i hate this yeah the this obligation to wrap everything up yeah like we saw each other we did this and now I'm going to leave like that whole thing I find so exhausting and it makes me feel so awkward but now I just leave yeah I feel like I'm trying to do that too I'm trying to be better to myself and just absolve myself of that kind of stuff that I'm hanging on to because I think through and I go if somebody didn't say by to me at the end of the night I don't get mad at them no ever i just so so now now i've kind of gone the other way and it's like i'm just gonna sneak out yes what do they call they call to something goodbye posting the attack no they call it like some some national irish irish goodbye or some kind yeah they've linked some ethnicity to it yeah and i always change i always say to christin like right around it's fucking french goodbye let's get out of here i never have the right one and i never say the same one twice let's do an israeli goodbye i think i think i think okay i'm better i'm better.

[662] Yeah.

[663] I'm better with everything.

[664] I'm trying to, yeah.

[665] You just try to break the patterns and you realize the world is not going to end.

[666] Was yours linked to superstition at all?

[667] Because mine were all, if I didn't do those things, I was going to have terrible luck.

[668] Yes.

[669] As a plane flight came up, it would always be like, I need to do this or the plane's going to crash.

[670] Right.

[671] Like if I was running, some of these things would be physical challenges.

[672] Like I need to finish in this certain amount of time or my plane will crash.

[673] And every once in a while, I wouldn't finish in time and my plane didn't crash.

[674] And it's like, well, right.

[675] Or like, or, or I would get on a plane and I do crosswords and like, okay, got to finish this and do one round of drop seven and get over 300 ,000 on drop seven, which is a dumb game that I'm totally into on my phone and would usually be able to pull it off.

[676] But if I didn't, the plane wouldn't crash.

[677] It's like, nobody, you know, the gods are not going to punish everyone on this plane because of my...

[678] Oh, right, because you didn't hit 300.

[679] Yeah, mine was Van Halen Jump.

[680] If I heard that song one time, I was going to have the worst luck imaginable.

[681] And I had to find a way to hear the song a second time.

[682] So if it was like on the radio.

[683] Oh, you had to go twice.

[684] Yes, everything for me was twice.

[685] Like doing any one thing made things uneven and I had to make them even.

[686] It was so bizarre.

[687] Oh, that's interesting.

[688] But you also realize there are other people on that plane who have superstitions.

[689] too and it's like so so I can't control their superstitions and you're right I never think I'm going to be the victim of someone else's superstition yeah okay so you find yourself at Saturday Live you finally get there and according to what I read for you the first three years is it really takes you a while to get kind of comfortable and relaxed there right which come to find out as more and more cast members talk publicly it sounds pretty common there's a lot of people that were very riddled with all this you know it's funny because when you're just watching on TV you assume all these people are just like having the best time of their life and some people are like fred i came in the same year and fred was just had no fear of performing he loved it and he we'd get to the end of a season and he couldn't wait for the next season to start yeah it was like if this hiatus lasted 10 years i'd be fine with it yeah i was excited about writer's strikes i was so interesting yeah when i think of you in my mind i think of fred quite often because having been in the groundlings, there are members in any kind of comedy troupe where they're your favorite member.

[690] And rarely is it the person that crushes the most for the audience.

[691] Like there are comedians, comedians.

[692] And generally, I think we gravitate like in the groundlings or I have to imagine at Sarenet Life where like the weirder take on something becomes the thing.

[693] So I can imagine that they must have loved you during the sketch pitching phase of that show because I have to imagine you brought in just the most bizarre ideas and it was probably very entertaining I definitely would pitch some weird some weird things and yeah Fred and I would write a lot of super weird things together and they would sometimes go very well at the table read and then knock it in well I was going to say that it certainly was the case when I was in the Sunday company my friend Guy Stevenson had the weirdest mind of all of us.

[694] Half of his sketches were about robots.

[695] That was a given.

[696] Like of the six sketches he brought in on a Wednesdays, three of them were going to be about robots.

[697] And you couldn't wait to see what thing was going to happen to robots this week.

[698] And it can be a little bit misleading because we would just, he was our comedian.

[699] You know what I'm saying?

[700] Yeah.

[701] But then, and then you go see an audience who doesn't sit and watch 96 sketches on a Wednesday night, so they're not dying to see something completely different.

[702] So I would imagine it gets hard to navigate what your stuff is, but broadly appealing.

[703] Was it difficult for you to assess which one of your sketches were going to be big and which were not?

[704] Well, it's, my thing going in was always like, I'm going to do the stuff that I like.

[705] I know that it's not real mainstream.

[706] So I have to, so just remember, like, not as many people are going to like it probably, but was like, I'm just going to keep.

[707] doing the stuff that makes me happy and be prepared that it's not going to be like mainstream hits and so and sometimes there'd be something that would just somehow break through all that yeah a little bit but but i was i was never attempting to do something that would be a hit for an audience it was just like what stuff that we felt like was fun for us like McGruber oh we had no idea that people would like that we was that probably am I wrong into saying that was your most successful that came back the most often and stuff I would I think so yeah that I mean that's probably the one that most people would would know yeah think and and also that was like me and Yorma and John Solomon together doing that like if I'll do stuff on my own it would probably be super weird it would be and then and by the way those guys are also very weird, but Yorma, he and the Lonely Island guys, they can package, like doing weird stuff that somehow is relatable and, yeah.

[708] It's subversive almost.

[709] It's in a very palatable package.

[710] It's no less weird.

[711] It's just like, yeah, and wig.

[712] Yeah, dick in the box.

[713] Like somehow dick in the box shouldn't work, but they cracked that somehow, or it's hugely appealing.

[714] And wig, wig is the same way.

[715] It's just like, her stuff is so weird and just like, as weird as it gets, but she's able to do it in such a way that, like, just everyone loves it.

[716] Yeah.

[717] Ferrell's the same way.

[718] I was never able to fully figure out how to do that.

[719] I think my stuff was more like, oh, you either love it or you hate it.

[720] Yeah.

[721] You hate it.

[722] And were you comfortable with that?

[723] Like, how human are you?

[724] Are you, how detached are you, would you, you have all these different cast members and some of them are breaking out in this way or that?

[725] And did that stuff occupy your thoughts at all?

[726] You know, even having prepared myself mentally for that, you still like, there are times that you go like, you did a little professional jealousy, but we're all like family over there.

[727] So you're super happy for your friends.

[728] And also, you know, you're just human.

[729] So there's always going to be a little, a little bit of like, oh, well, why can't my, why can't my sketch be popular?

[730] Why can't.

[731] Yeah.

[732] So it's not even that you're like rooting against the person.

[733] It's just like, boy, it'd be great if I could, if I had that.

[734] Yeah, exactly.

[735] Part of the equation as well.

[736] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[737] And then, so you were there for eight years.

[738] When did you do McGruber, the movie?

[739] We started doing the sketches, and then there was a certain point where Lauren said, Pepsi has approached us about doing an S &L Super Bowl commercial.

[740] For Pepsi, I think McGruber might be what we should do.

[741] And we were very excited about that.

[742] Because at that point, Whig was on the show, Hater, Samberg, Fred, like Maya, all these people were on the show.

[743] And so I think when Pepsi then heard, oh, yeah, we want to do this forte thing.

[744] Pepsi then immediately was like, you know what?

[745] Never mind.

[746] Never mind.

[747] So Lauren said, well, Pepsi doesn't want to do it anymore.

[748] But I say, let's still just make it.

[749] And then let's make it so good that they want to do it.

[750] And so we said, yeah, okay, we'll go for it.

[751] Oh, that's cool.

[752] So we made these Pepsi ads without their permission.

[753] And then shut up to them and they said, yeah, we do like this.

[754] Oh.

[755] But then the weird thing was we made three.

[756] We should have just made one.

[757] The first one was so obviously like this great reveal of Richard Dean Anderson, great reveal of the, it was just like, that's the one you go with.

[758] Then there's the second one, which is just the continuation of the story.

[759] So it starts in from this story that you are set up with in the first one.

[760] And then this third one, which is just crazy.

[761] And it was like, oh, well, we'll let them have those two if they want to put them on a website or something like that.

[762] And then they, at the last minute, said, oh, we're going to do the second one, which didn't make any sense.

[763] Except the only thing I can think of is that we say Pepsi a lot more times.

[764] Okay.

[765] But it's like so obviously the first one is the one to go with.

[766] Right.

[767] Anyway, we end up getting this commercial on the Super Bowl, which was very exciting.

[768] Of course.

[769] It's a third of the countries watching this thing.

[770] And this was a Super Bowl that was close going into the fourth quarter.

[771] And we were supposed to be, the ad was playing in the fourth quarter, I think, or the end of the third quarter.

[772] So it was a lot of people saw the wrong commercial play.

[773] But that's our, but still very exciting.

[774] So Lauren had, I forget which movie studio it was, but they said, have you ever thought about a McGruber movie?

[775] And he asked us, and we said, oh, that's weird, but yeah, we'll start thinking about it.

[776] And then as we were thinking about it, that studio said, never mind, they pepsied us and said, like, never mind, we don't have this interest that we said we had.

[777] But Lauren said, you know what, write it anyway.

[778] Like he was so great about just, just do it.

[779] I'm going to figure out a way to get it done.

[780] Well, can I tell you something right now?

[781] This is from the bottom of my heart.

[782] That movie has gotten me through so much stuff because I promise you because I loved that movie.

[783] You can't imagine how much I love that movie.

[784] It is the perfect, perfect comedy.

[785] And when I have had disappointments, professors, professionally, I say to myself, literally, it comforts me so much, I go, you know what, if McGruber didn't make a $300 million, like, that movie is perfect.

[786] It should have made $200 million.

[787] And I take so much comfort in the fact that like, it doesn't really, it's not actually a statement on how good the thing was.

[788] Sometimes just great movies don't make any money.

[789] And I always think of that movie.

[790] I always do, because I went and saw it opening night.

[791] The fucking sequence where you take, I mean, you guys.

[792] take 25 minutes to assemble the A team.

[793] You meet all these characters, all their unique things, and then at the end of it, you put them in one van and blow them all up.

[794] And I go, oh my God, these guys, this is the greatest, bravest, they just literally wasted 25 minutes of a movie for a single joke.

[795] I just, I admire that movie so much.

[796] And so often, I've, when I'm feeling bad for myself, I, think, oh, boo -hoo, Forte made McGruber and it didn't make money.

[797] Like, if that movie didn't make money, how bad can you feel?

[798] It didn't make $200 million.

[799] We didn't make $8 million.

[800] Right, but it was, I always think of that just to go like, how bad can you feel for yourself?

[801] Forte made a perfect comedy and it didn't make a ton of money.

[802] So it's okay.

[803] That's so nice of you to say.

[804] I constantly am referencing.

[805] It was a really good lesson, though, to go through that because I had gone through something else.

[806] Brother Solomon?

[807] I did, you know, like there were things in that.

[808] It didn't quite turn out how I wanted it to.

[809] And it was the first thing I had ever done.

[810] And so I didn't really have any control over it.

[811] And it was, I love that movie, but there's a lot of stuff in there that, that I feel like if I had another crack at, I would, I would do a little differently.

[812] You wouldn't be arrogant to say, I'll say it for you.

[813] You actually don't have the brand of comedy that benefits all that well from collaboration, if I can just say.

[814] You have such a unique point of view that the only shot it has is that you at least executed exactly how you imagined it.

[815] Oh, that's nice for you to say.

[816] But truthfully, like there's certain comedy that works really well in collaboration and certain points of view.

[817] But yours is so specific.

[818] I don't think it benefits from having someone else come in and kind of put it through another lens.

[819] That's, yeah, that was a hard.

[820] That's interesting you say that because I guess that does kind of make a little bit of.

[821] a sense because because mcgruber then lorne you know wrapped us up in his arms and basically you know was a bull you know just fighting off everybody and letting us do what we wanted to do and and and yorma and john and i all three kind of share complementary sensibilities and so so we were able to get it exactly how we wanted it and brother solomon bombed in the same way that McGruber bombed, but McGruber was an easier pill just wall.

[822] Yeah, because you at least made the thing.

[823] There's nothing I would have done differently.

[824] You'll never have that feeling of like, oh, what would have been if this happened or this happened?

[825] It's hugely comforting to at least made the thing you wanted to make.

[826] Yeah.

[827] You know, and in fact, if you have got to prioritize, you'd be better off, I think, walking away with something that was exactly what you set out to do.

[828] Yeah.

[829] Versus a movie you didn't love and it made a ton of money, I think just for your life.

[830] It ends up being more comforting.

[831] Yeah.

[832] That's funny you say that because I've never made something that made a bunch of money.

[833] Right.

[834] That wasn't what you wanted.

[835] All I know is like situate how comfortable I am with bombs.

[836] Right.

[837] But what's great is you're not breakable.

[838] You keep going, which I think is so much more admirable than someone who just, you know, pulls a horseshoe out of their ass every time.

[839] But I don't know.

[840] I mean, I just got super lucky because I, you know.

[841] after McGruber bombed, it was very similar to how I felt about after I bombed out at Letterman.

[842] I was like, I think it's time to leave S &L because I was turning 40 or had just turned 40.

[843] I had been there for eight years.

[844] And it's like there's no way I'm going to make another movie based on an S &L character.

[845] At some point, I'm going to have to leave.

[846] So it just made sense to.

[847] But it must have been terribly scary because you're now leaving the thing that you've done for eight years.

[848] And so you go, what's next?

[849] Well, we all know what's next when you leave S &L to do movies, but you just found out you're not going to be doing those.

[850] Yeah.

[851] Yeah.

[852] And I made the decision after the movie bombed.

[853] I have to imagine you were checking your fucking stove nonstop during this period.

[854] Were you not?

[855] Yes, I was.

[856] That's very funny.

[857] I was.

[858] But I wonder, I feel like in your position, it'd be easy to be critical of you and go, well, you should probably have been the third lead of a bunch of movies and worked your way up to being the lead of a movie.

[859] but I would say that you really couldn't do that because the things that you write truly require that you play the character because they're so specific.

[860] It's not like you could have plugged someone else into Magruber.

[861] You couldn't have turned that over to someone else.

[862] I don't think it would have worked.

[863] No one, the reason I like Last Minute are so much, and I use this argument all the time when Monica and I are talking about comedies and which ones I like and which ones I don't, the ones I'm most drawn to are ones where nobody else could play the person.

[864] Like if a show you could plug anyone into because just the dialogue's really funny, I'm for whatever reason less interested.

[865] But like when I watch Master of None, I go, well, only Aziz could play that person.

[866] There's no show without him playing that role.

[867] And likewise, Last Man on Earth, I couldn't do that.

[868] I couldn't have been the lead of that show.

[869] I don't, nobody could.

[870] The show is your, your madness.

[871] Oh, we love it so.

[872] Oh, thank you.

[873] No, I loved it in a way where I was, like, mad at you.

[874] Yeah, it was too good.

[875] Like, when I watch you, I can't do what you do.

[876] I couldn't predict what was coming, which is the best feeling when watching a comedy.

[877] I don't know what's coming next.

[878] And then the things you're doing, like, you could have put me in a writing room for 15 hours.

[879] I wouldn't have thought of it.

[880] It's just, it's so, it's such candy if you're into comedy.

[881] Thank you so bonkers.

[882] Now, how did, so.

[883] Having had a couple of hits, taking a couple of arrows, how do you end up with your own show on Fox?

[884] The plan was just like, see what happens acting -wise?

[885] Worst -case scenario, I go back to writing, which I loved.

[886] That whole process is frustrating and exhilarating.

[887] It's just, it's so much fun.

[888] It's like a little jigsaw puzzle.

[889] Every script you're writing, so it appeals to my OCD.

[890] So I knew that.

[891] And then, you know, when I left SNL, there was no. part of me that was like, well, this is the obvious step.

[892] Like, I'm, people are gonna, there was no demand for, for my acting services.

[893] So I, you know, I've spent a year just kind of not doing anything.

[894] Uh -huh.

[895] Kind of by choice, but nobody came, came a Colin.

[896] Right.

[897] And either.

[898] And then Sandberg called up and said, oh, Sandler wants to know if you would do this part in the movie.

[899] And it was so nice of them to include me in this.

[900] I did a part in Nets My Boy and had a blast and then did a little part in the neighborhood watch movie with Akiva.

[901] And so I was so thankful to those guys.

[902] And then out of nowhere, Nebraska job comes up.

[903] Yes.

[904] Did that blow your fucking mind to be the lead of an Alexander Payne movie?

[905] I mean, by the way, after the year you had, there's no way that's what you're thinking is going to happen.

[906] I had put myself on tape when I picked the ones.

[907] that I was going to send in of each scene, I thought, oh, I'm not super embarrassed of this.

[908] This is like, this is not embarrassing.

[909] You know, to me, it was, I sent it off, and I didn't think for another second about it, because there was no way I was going to get this job.

[910] I didn't hear anything for, like, six months, and I had gone on a trip to Jamaica, and I got back and then heard.

[911] So weird, really quick.

[912] Was that?

[913] Do you think Will goes to Jamaica?

[914] Yeah, okay, go ahead.

[915] Yeah, I guess I wouldn't have expected.

[916] Well, I was going to go somewhere else, and this travel agent said, oh, let me, let me, they said, there is this place in Jamaica that's amazing, this hotel.

[917] Heedism, hedonism, too.

[918] It's called the Jamaica Inn.

[919] It's like a 40s.

[920] Kristen was there.

[921] Kristen was there for the movie.

[922] Oh, and she did that boat movie.

[923] Yeah.

[924] And you loved it.

[925] I loved it.

[926] You'll be back.

[927] No, there are other places to go.

[928] Now I'm super into Ireland.

[929] Oh, okay.

[930] I love Ireland.

[931] You've already been.

[932] I've been a bunch of times.

[933] Like, you love.

[934] I love it to the point where you would consider having a little tiny house there or something.

[935] Yes.

[936] Really?

[937] Yeah.

[938] Do you like drinking?

[939] I used to.

[940] Okay.

[941] You used to.

[942] I've stopped.

[943] I've stopped.

[944] You have?

[945] Yeah.

[946] For how long?

[947] Recently.

[948] Oh, really?

[949] It's been like six weeks.

[950] Six weeks.

[951] And how are you feeling?

[952] Awesome.

[953] It's the best.

[954] Yeah.

[955] I wonder why I don't think you know this about me, but I haven't drank in 14 years.

[956] I did know that because the person that I was talking to said they were listening currently to your podcast.

[957] Okay.

[958] had said that.

[959] Oh, it's my friend Lindsay.

[960] I was talking to her on the phone.

[961] And so I missed it.

[962] She's going to hear this.

[963] So I just want to say, hello, Lindsay.

[964] I'm so happy to have you as an arm cherry.

[965] But you, Ireland, though, is a hard place to not drink.

[966] I don't think I'd want to be.

[967] Well, I wasn't not drinking then.

[968] I know that.

[969] I'm warning you about your future trips to the Emerald Isle.

[970] No, like, you get that Beamish on tap there?

[971] I was killing Beamish's.

[972] Like, I went for the Guinness.

[973] Okay, I got to drink the Guinness.

[974] and I certainly did plenty of that, but boy, I discovered Beamish on tap.

[975] What kind of flavor is Beamish?

[976] It's not Guinnessy, is it?

[977] It's not.

[978] It's more of the, what do you make a black and tan with?

[979] You make it with Guinness and...

[980] Oh, like a Pilsner?

[981] A harp.

[982] It's more like a harp.

[983] Oh, okay.

[984] Yeah.

[985] Oh, okay.

[986] Just delicious.

[987] Yeah.

[988] Oh, they're yummy as all hell.

[989] Probably more of a bourbon.

[990] Okay.

[991] Like, I do like Jameson, but I was...

[992] Jack Daniels, Jim Beam.

[993] I don't like those.

[994] that no not even that i like uh woodford or bullet or oh these are way fancier than i knew about whistle pig oh jesus really good i don't even know whistle pig might be right some of these sound like sexual positions or something whistle pig yeah yeah i had a couple beers i got back to her house she wanted to whistle pig i had never done that that was embarrassing okay so um i totally interrupted you so you you did nebraska and did you have again the same round of fear you had going into Letterman and S &L?

[995] I mean, like every step of the process was terrifying.

[996] Like when after six months after sending in that thing, I heard he wanted to meet with me. The morning of, I even called my agent and said, I shouldn't go in.

[997] They're not going to pick me anyway because I was so nervous.

[998] Sure.

[999] So I went in, audition, and he said some really nice things about my audition.

[1000] And then that to me was like, this is the best thing ever of my career because this is for sure where it's going to stop.

[1001] Yep.

[1002] And then was hearing that I was in the mix and then somehow got this call that I was in.

[1003] I mean, and I kept thinking even up to the point that we were like two days away from shooting, I just thought somebody was going to pull the plug and just force him to put somebody else in there.

[1004] I mean, it's still like, I still can't believe that I was able to do that.

[1005] And how was the experience itself?

[1006] Was it wonderful?

[1007] It was the best, the best experience.

[1008] I mean, it was scary because still, it's Alexander Payne.

[1009] Of course, I'm going to be terrified every day.

[1010] What I've heard about Alexander Payne is he does a ton of takes, and I would go into that job thinking that I didn't belong there and that some big mix -up happened, and now I'm here, and then I would be doing all those takes, and then I would start going, well, I suck.

[1011] That's why he's doing all these takes.

[1012] It's so funny you say that because the very first day, there's this scene, it was a oneer for people who don't, the industry that just means something with no cuts and it's just you know following you around and it's just one long one long scene so you if you say everything perfectly until the very end and you screw up a line you have to start all over again so that's very scary that was the very first one that i did and we and there were some people he uses a lot of people who they're real acted before yeah and so the very end of that scene is me saying goodbye to these two people and they were actually they did a great job but it was you know they were it was everyone was having their first moment so there were it's hard not to look at the camera in your first time and just a bunch of things I think we did it like 23 or 24 times which is a lot his assistant came up and said like oh I don't think I've ever seen him do some takes which was Not what you want to hear.

[1013] And I, you know, I didn't feel like I was doing a bad job or anything, you know, and that didn't get too bad in my head, but it was really funny.

[1014] Yeah.

[1015] I was going to say, you think they're thinking your worst fear.

[1016] Yeah.

[1017] Which they're not.

[1018] A, they're not even thinking about you.

[1019] They're thinking about themselves.

[1020] They're doing their jobs.

[1021] That's right.

[1022] Yeah.

[1023] But you think they're all going, how'd this guy get here?

[1024] Yeah.

[1025] I'm waiting for you to fuck up, right?

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] But then after a while, you just get to know everybody.

[1028] And they become your friends.

[1029] And you're like, oh, we're all just on the same team.

[1030] Everyone's wanting everyone to do a great job.

[1031] And Bruce Stern was wonderful to me. He was just like, it was a delight to hang out with.

[1032] And he was very supportive and gave great advice.

[1033] And it was just, toward the end, it was like this wonderful thing.

[1034] Weirdly, that's the power of vulnerability.

[1035] Whereas if you had walked in there and you'd done a bunch of movies, dramatic movies, who knows what his reaction to you would have been.

[1036] But if someone comes in and they're kind of vulnerable and they're acknowledging this is a big moment, then someone wants to take you under their wing and help you.

[1037] It's just crazy what a different reaction you can get by just being like open about at all.

[1038] There were a million things about this movie that I will never forget.

[1039] but so we shot for I think it was like six weeks and then the final week uh Alexander Payne made that movie about Schmidt yeah and in that Jack Nicholson is driving this RV around and at the end of that movie Alexander Payne bought that RV and the very final week of our movie they strapped a camera to the front of that RV and followed Bruce and I as we drove the route that we drove in the movies.

[1040] So from Billings, Montana to Lincoln, Nebraska.

[1041] And that was the best thing because we had finished all the dialogue.

[1042] I was now friends with everybody and you just had this week with all these people that you'd become really good friends with.

[1043] And there was no pressure.

[1044] And it was.

[1045] It's almost your dream exit of a party.

[1046] Yeah.

[1047] It's just a week of closure for you.

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] It was amazing.

[1050] So based on being in that movie, did that start?

[1051] um getting some some murmuring about we should give him a show or we should did that open a door to how i mean i have no idea because because it didn't seem like anybody was you know breaking down the door to have me two other things after that but i i at some point uh chris miller and phil lord yeah how do you know those guys there's those they're so bonkers talented aren't they Yeah, they're awesome.

[1052] And when they first came to town, they were going to, me and my buddy, Mike Schwartz, were performing at the Aspen Comedy Festival in like 97, and they, or maybe 98, and they came to the Aspen Comedy Festival, and Matt Rice, my agent, introduced all of us, and we became good buddies.

[1053] Oh, okay.

[1054] Then that was my first job.

[1055] They gave me my first job on that show, MTV's Clone High.

[1056] Oh, uh -huh.

[1057] And I was Abraham Lincoln, so we've been friends forever, and they had.

[1058] just sign this deal with 20s.

[1059] Yeah.

[1060] So they asked me if I wanted to try to come up with an idea that I would just write.

[1061] By the way, these guys did the Lego movie, right?

[1062] That's what kind of propelled them.

[1063] 21 Jump Street.

[1064] Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

[1065] Yeah, they're incredible.

[1066] Yeah.

[1067] In your show.

[1068] But it was your idea or theirs?

[1069] Or you guys all worked on it together?

[1070] Well, we all came up with the premise together.

[1071] We had a bunch of notebooks.

[1072] And interestingly, we both had last.

[1073] man on earth ideas oh wow and we we kind of brought it up at some point early in the process and then just said nah that's a dumb idea and then we we almost we settled on this other thing which was val kilmer used to live stayed with me for a couple months in my house in real life in real life oh my goodness how we got to know each other so we almost wrote about that and then like five minutes before pulling the trigger on that like we Chris was getting his jacket on to leave we said let's revisit there was some revisiting to the last man on earth as we were flipping through the notebooks and something changed where we thought oh we can if we do it slightly more organically then this could really work and then stuff just started pouring out and then you know a couple weeks later we pitched it and well it's it's um it's the first comedy for sure that i've ever that I had to binge you know I'm so I'm grateful that I missed the first year of it because it is so cliffhangery like I really got sucked into the story but it would have driven me crazy to have to wait well also if you know a lot about TV while you're watching the show there's so many things about it that are intriguing just like I get more and more aware of it as I'm watching that you guys had an incredible amount of freedom on that show every season you guys are in a completely different place.

[1074] Year one was New Mexico, right?

[1075] It seemed...

[1076] It was Tucson.

[1077] Oh, okay, Tucson, yeah.

[1078] And then you guys were in Malibu, and then you're at that weird...

[1079] Yeah, industrial complex.

[1080] Yeah, like San Jose.

[1081] Yeah, and then you're on a boat.

[1082] I mean, the fact that you guys were allowed to...

[1083] You never got anchored down to some stage they built was in itself, I was like, oh, this is so refreshing.

[1084] There were so many little elements that aided in it being as, original and unpredictable as it was they were i mean we would have to fight sometimes for that stuff because it was you know it's it's it is very expensive to keep rebuilding those new things so we would have to you know they were they were they were they were always so great to ultimately uh capitulate right word yeah it is change your position um but it was you know sometimes we would have to commit to trying to do a bottle episode at some point just to defray some of the costs but they were you know ultimately they were very good in in letting us do what we wanted to do even even if they would fight us on something sometimes we were pretty stubborn right well all in all it certainly had more latitude than any other comedy I've seen on TV and I feel bad even saying that because ultimately they did let us do exactly what we wanted to do.

[1085] So I'm very thankful to Fox.

[1086] The thing I want to ask you about with Last Man on Earth is it's so uniquely your sense of humor throughout.

[1087] You must have been very involved in writing it.

[1088] And I can almost imagine that, how do I say this?

[1089] You had to have probably been controlling.

[1090] Was it easy for people to work with you on that show, I guess is what I'm wondering?

[1091] Because it's so clearly your point.

[1092] point of view, I have to imagine you were, were you doing a pass on every script or were you writing a lot of them or?

[1093] I didn't, like, you know, I was very, very involved in the writing.

[1094] Clearly.

[1095] I would try to be as involved as I could in the outlining process, especially the beginning ones and the end ones.

[1096] And then, then just so much would be going because I was down there editing and you'd have to do the music stuff.

[1097] And, you know, I'm not playing the instruments but i have to go down with the music guy and give all the notes and then we'd go through and like oh take out the take out the sacks yes here and and then it would be all day every day it was wake up to act at six in the morning even the stuff that i wasn't in i'd have to be there right and overseeing the all the scenes and then you know trying to write in the cracks while i'm down there and then when the acting day is over at six or seven at night, then I'd either write or edit until midnight, and then the whole thing starts over at 6 in the morning again, and weekends were editing and writing, so it was no, it was 100, 110 -hour work weeks.

[1098] Oh, my goodness.

[1099] I can't imagine.

[1100] Did you have a girlfriend during any of that?

[1101] I mean, it was so hard to have any kind of relationship.

[1102] I would have, you know, some relationships, but I was just an awful, because I would feel so guilty because I just I had to live super selfishly I mean but that's the thing is like I didn't have to live super selfishly but I I mean I was just like I don't want to blame it on my OCD it was just it was just very hard to have a relationship and you would think sometimes okay you know you're you're missing out on the outside world because I wouldn't see anybody for months and months yeah and so it's like okay I want to the next season I want to make it so that I can and have kind of more of a normal life and you think you can do it.

[1103] And then I would, you know, maybe start a relationship with somebody and then just go, oh, God, I can't do it.

[1104] Yeah.

[1105] And then there was a, always had kind of a tricky relationship with alcohol, but like during this process, I developed some bad habits.

[1106] It was your only relief, I would imagine.

[1107] Yeah, and it was like, but it started being a real, would be to combat stress and loneliness and isolation, stuff like that.

[1108] So that's why I kind of, cut it off once the show got canceled those habits stayed with me so i was like i am not going to let this show show this alcohol stuff who's boss yeah take it take it by the collar and bring it up back behind the woodshed yes i'm friends with mary and she loves she loves you and she always spoke so highly of you and watching you work on that show is just the best person yeah so attractive too.

[1109] She's awesome.

[1110] You can't get around.

[1111] I will.

[1112] I'm friends with her husband, too.

[1113] Yeah, sure, me too.

[1114] I'll still say it.

[1115] I think Ted thinks Kristen's hot.

[1116] So, you know, one hand washes the other.

[1117] Is this, am I to?

[1118] Yeah, we do things together.

[1119] That's right.

[1120] Okay.

[1121] Okay.

[1122] We've been to Jamaica too, but we stayed at hedonism.

[1123] Were you heartbroken when the show was canceled or did it help that they just canceled every single comedy they had?

[1124] Or were you relieved to be off the treadmill?

[1125] I was super relieved.

[1126] Because you could have never, you wouldn't have let yourself ever quit.

[1127] I couldn't let go.

[1128] And it got harder every year to motivate yourself for the, I mean, it made me feel so guilty because it's like, it's the goal when you enter comedy is to have something that you can fully control every aspect of.

[1129] And as I was doing it, Even working with this amazing group of actors and writers and everyone on the crew was just, it was just, it's a family.

[1130] I'm leaving there tonight to go with all these people from hair and makeup department and wardrobe to go have dinner.

[1131] Like, we still all hang out.

[1132] Like, that's the thing I really miss. And obviously, for the fans, I would love to have given them some closure.

[1133] Closure.

[1134] Closure, closure.

[1135] But, but like it was my, my, like, it was, it was, it was, 40 pounds heavier.

[1136] I was drinking too much.

[1137] I was, it was probably life -threatening.

[1138] Psychologically, yeah.

[1139] I was hating myself.

[1140] I was like, it was, it was, even with these just amazing people surrounding me, I felt so isolated and so, and I'm just, it was driving me crazy.

[1141] But I couldn't stop.

[1142] That's the one weird thing is, so those people, you can't really, as close as you can be to them, just the dynamic insists that they're a team, but you're brass.

[1143] You know, on some level, like, there's something fun about being an actor on a show.

[1144] You have nothing to do with it because it's just kind of like your kids and they're trying to wrangle you and it's kind of us against them.

[1145] And you have this camaraderie, right?

[1146] Maybe you don't like the writing or you do or you don't like this director.

[1147] but to always have a foot in the other side of it, it's almost like it's isolating in that way because you just care about it and on another level in...

[1148] Well, I mean, I would be the person, I'd have to go in and give them all notes and I'd be a freaking taskmaster because I know exactly how I would want it.

[1149] And I mean, these guys are all so amazing.

[1150] So it would be so annoying for them because they're like doing these legitimately awesome takes that a lot of times we would use those, but I would just need to.

[1151] get a take also of how I thought in my head so it would kind of at times drive them crazy and I would feel like such a dick you'd have to constantly be the boss rank over everyone yes yeah well I hope you design a different mousetrap and keep doing stuff because I think I'm your number one fan are you already know what you're doing well I mean we are hoping to do a McGruber related something we're working on a pitch right now that would be like an eight episode TV thing not not a movie okay and you'll have me on I'll play a dead body or something we'll have you on was it stressful at all asking friends to do those great cameos that the show had yes yes it was because you seem a little codependent to me it was and I say that as a compliment that's that's safe to say that's fair yeah so the notion that you might be putting someone out or calling in a favor like i just imagine that making you very uncomfortable yes i i cannot tell you how awesome everyone was who can't everyone was so nice like will feral i don't know him super well i mean i think he's one of the funniest people that's ever lived and i think he's one of the nicest people that's ever lived you know it's suspicious but like i i i am not like super good friends with them or anything i've i've you know we have a shared past of groundlings and S &L stuff, but never at the same time.

[1152] So I don't know, I'll always feel like this attachment to him that he probably doesn't feel towards me. Sure.

[1153] You know, the fact that he came and did that part on the show was so, so amazing to, because he also paved the way for other people to come.

[1154] Sure, once Will does that.

[1155] Because then, I think, unless I'm crazy, John Hamm was the next one who came and did something.

[1156] And then you have two awesome people and you can try to get, you know, get the...

[1157] Yeah, when you send that invite letter, you're like, in the past, Will Ferrell and John Ham.

[1158] You know, and then Jack Black, you know, we asked Jack Black to do...

[1159] I sent him this email, and he's, I mean, he's, I love him so much.

[1160] He is the sweetest guy ever.

[1161] And within like three minutes, I got an email back saying, hey, yeah, I'll do it.

[1162] It was just like, we had been, you know.

[1163] Well, you know, that's really a testament to how much people respect what very specific sensibility you have.

[1164] I think I never run into a fellow comedian or writer who doesn't think you're a very special unicorn that we're all pumped to watch.

[1165] Well, so then I hope I hope you guys sell Magruber and I hope you do it.

[1166] and I hope you let me play a corpse or like introduce my character and kill me right away.

[1167] I would love to rip your throat out.

[1168] Oh my God, that sounds great.

[1169] Did you see Deadpool 2?

[1170] No, I haven't seen it yet.

[1171] Well, they did your exact same joke, and I wasn't even mad at them.

[1172] Which joke?

[1173] They assemble a team forever, and then they just kill them all.

[1174] Oh, really?

[1175] Yeah, it's the exact same joke.

[1176] I'm sure somebody did it before us, too.

[1177] I certainly never saw it.

[1178] I just was like, oh, they're doing the McGruber thing.

[1179] who even knows if they were aware of the McGruber thing.

[1180] But it works, it works wonderfully again.

[1181] It's such a fucking hilarious thing.

[1182] Monica and I talk all the time.

[1183] I want to direct a straight, straight drama that has a single joke.

[1184] Just one joke.

[1185] You just, you just, you don't watch Castle Rock, did you?

[1186] No, but I've heard.

[1187] Yeah, it's like a Stephen King horror thing.

[1188] And there was just one scene where the bad guy there, like, he's in a mirror.

[1189] And then they're pulling back and pulling back and pulling back and pulling back.

[1190] You're seeing more of his body, more of his body, more of his body.

[1191] And I said to Monica, Man, if he just didn't have pants on, he was peeing when we got to the ultra -wide.

[1192] And they did this whole serious show just to show that man urinating in a mirror.

[1193] I just feel like I could laugh for a year on that.

[1194] But I don't know.

[1195] I feel like that's something.

[1196] It's a little indulgent.

[1197] Yes, very indulgent.

[1198] But I feel like it's something you might do for my amusement one day.

[1199] That's, well.

[1200] I love the thought of that, though.

[1201] Well, I adore you.

[1202] And you've always been very kind to me when I've bumped into you.

[1203] And by the way, you've said, you've said so many nice things and I really appreciate it and just know that I love you too.

[1204] I think you're so funny.

[1205] Thank you so much.

[1206] So I think you are so fucking funny.

[1207] So I just to hear that from you, it makes me feel real good and I really appreciate it.

[1208] Oh, wonderful.

[1209] Well, yes, I'm rooting for you.

[1210] I can't wait to watch what you do.

[1211] I hope you figure out a way to do it in a less painful way and keep at it.

[1212] And we'll hopefully you'll come back to promote a gruber and we'll do it together because you'll rip my throat out.

[1213] That would be so awesome.

[1214] Thanks, Will.

[1215] Thank you.

[1216] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1217] So just to bring everyone up to speed, Rob is leaving the attic to go pee in a portable potty on the construction site.

[1218] That is our future home.

[1219] I think that's relevant information, don't you?

[1220] Sure.

[1221] People would be interested to know that.

[1222] Now that he's not here, we can wonder out loud if he's really going number two.

[1223] Yeah.

[1224] Did you notice he walked in a weird way on the way out or standard walk?

[1225] I think it was standard, but he might just be good at walking while needing to poop.

[1226] Hiding it?

[1227] Mm -hmm.

[1228] Okay.

[1229] Well, maybe when he comes back in, we'll just get an update.

[1230] Okay.

[1231] My money's on just a P .E. Yeah.

[1232] I think so.

[1233] Okay.

[1234] Will Forte.

[1235] Bill Forte.

[1236] Wow.

[1237] Billium Forte.

[1238] What do you think the name Forte is?

[1239] Do you think it's Scottish?

[1240] Do you think it's Visigoth?

[1241] Forte.

[1242] Forte.

[1243] It sounds, I picture a man named Forte assembling like a stick barricade with the sharp points at the top, like in Game of Thrones style.

[1244] Okay.

[1245] So maybe he's from, I can't make the joke because I don't know anything about Game of Thrones.

[1246] Westrose?

[1247] Yes, thank you.

[1248] Yeah.

[1249] That's about the only name I think I could conjure.

[1250] Kings Landing.

[1251] What's, um, what's her name?

[1252] Brianna, Harp?

[1253] No, Brianna of Tarth.

[1254] Tar.

[1255] Okay, well, just really quick update.

[1256] Wabi Wobby Wob is already back.

[1257] So I do think it was a P. Yeah, unless.

[1258] Hi, guys.

[1259] Hi, did you go number one or two?

[1260] Just number one.

[1261] Okay, yeah, it had to been.

[1262] It was so quick.

[1263] Yeah, well, I mean, you could have just been ready to go.

[1264] Kristen poops that fast.

[1265] Like, she walks in and then walks right out.

[1266] And I'm like, how did that happen?

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] A vegetarian diet.

[1269] Yeah, I think that helped.

[1270] When I was vegan for that year, my movements were so effortless and just all around clean and easy.

[1271] It really was an improvement.

[1272] Yeah.

[1273] One in the pro column for vegetarianism or veganism.

[1274] That's right.

[1275] Yeah, I've never done either.

[1276] So my muscle mass went to hell in a hand basket, but my poops were just clean and vegetable filled and it was nice.

[1277] It's the older you get, the more important that is, being able to poop and feel like you had a full evac.

[1278] Yes.

[1279] I always notice when I'm around older folks that they're always kind of talking about their bowel movements and what stool softeners they're on and they get geritol and all these different fiber supplements to just keep things moving down there.

[1280] It's important.

[1281] Your whole day gets ruined if you are impacted.

[1282] And now, why do you think old folks are having such a hard time?

[1283] Do you think that just the connection between the lower GI and the brain is just like all those synapses are wearing out?

[1284] Yeah, I think your metabolism just becomes nothing.

[1285] Okay.

[1286] Okay.

[1287] So then your body is just not processing the food.

[1288] Everything slows down.

[1289] Everything gets really slow.

[1290] Okay.

[1291] I think.

[1292] Or is it just like there's no connection anymore between the bottom half and the top half?

[1293] Could be both.

[1294] I don't know.

[1295] Okay.

[1296] We've got to get Sanjay back in here to ask him why old people don't poop so well.

[1297] Yeah.

[1298] So he was in a fraternity.

[1299] Oh, uh -huh.

[1300] And he said it was a non -hazing fraternity.

[1301] But I don't know.

[1302] what that means because then I looked it up and, you know, people are really advocating for non -hasing in these fraternities and sororities.

[1303] Like there's a lot of groups.

[1304] Well, every year someone dies, right?

[1305] There's always a headline once a year, once every couple of years.

[1306] It's a big deal.

[1307] A few bozos end up killing another guy.

[1308] Yeah.

[1309] It doesn't seem to happen in sororities, does it?

[1310] Or does that happen?

[1311] I don't know about killing.

[1312] But yeah, there's some, I think it's like more female types of hazing.

[1313] Well, I'll go over it.

[1314] But it's like a non -hasing fraternity.

[1315] but technically they're all non -hazing.

[1316] Like on campus, you're not allowed to haze.

[1317] Gotcha.

[1318] So it's all behind closed doors.

[1319] Mums of the word.

[1320] Let's not talk about this.

[1321] Those bruises came from falling down the stairs.

[1322] Got it.

[1323] Got it.

[1324] But do you think that's what he was doing?

[1325] I don't think so.

[1326] I think he really wasn't haze.

[1327] I agree.

[1328] Yeah.

[1329] But 73 % of students participating in social fraternities and sororities have experienced at least one hazing behavior.

[1330] Oh, a be hazier?

[1331] Yeah.

[1332] Oh, cute.

[1333] But look, some of these, I'm sorry.

[1334] I'm sorry website who wrote this, but what constitutes hazing?

[1335] Participation in a drinking game.

[1336] No. I know.

[1337] Sing or chant in public.

[1338] No, no, no. Drink large amounts of alcohol.

[1339] No, that's standard.

[1340] Well, except unless they're doing, like, I think we have to, like, chuck a whole.

[1341] By that definition, I'm in a fraternity.

[1342] I know.

[1343] Be awakened at night.

[1344] Now we're getting closer.

[1345] I value my sleep.

[1346] I still think, okay, I think that's so not a big deal.

[1347] Speaking to which, you know, Bell woke me up last night.

[1348] Okay.

[1349] I don't know that I've been this deep asleep in the last decade.

[1350] Oh, wow.

[1351] I was so fucking deep asleep and Delta was yammering on in her bedroom.

[1352] And Bell, who had to work early in the morning, nudge me. I was like, go deal with that.

[1353] And I was like, and I got, I was so asleep.

[1354] I went to lay in her bed I fucking fell off her bed hit my head on the nightstand Now I'm mad Now I'm like now I'm actually awake And it was a painful reentry Into awakeness Yeah And then I got her all put back in I got back into bed And then it started up about 10 minutes later And now I'm a little angry So I kind of walked aggressively down the hallway And then Bell ended up having to get up anyways Because she wanted to intervene She thought it wasn't going to be as gentle as possible.

[1355] Oh, no. The whole thing was a snafu.

[1356] Yeah, that's...

[1357] System normal, all fucked up.

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] I know.

[1360] We learned that on here.

[1361] But can you believe I fell out of her bed?

[1362] I was so asleep, I tried to lay down on the edge of her bed and fell right off.

[1363] Yikes.

[1364] It was a big clunk.

[1365] Oh, no. What if you read?

[1366] That's how I died.

[1367] I would be sad.

[1368] Actor Dak Shepard passed Tuesday evening.

[1369] With a head injury.

[1370] Falling off a one foot tall bed.

[1371] I have.

[1372] fears of these things happening to my people.

[1373] Yeah.

[1374] Domestic accidents.

[1375] Yeah.

[1376] They claim a lot of lives so you look at it, you know, annually.

[1377] Ugh.

[1378] Well, I'm glad you're still with us.

[1379] Yeah, it was a close call.

[1380] Anyway, be awake at night.

[1381] Be screamed, yelled, or cursed out.

[1382] Yeah, that's hazing.

[1383] You're yelling in my face?

[1384] Yeah, that's, that is.

[1385] That's aggressive.

[1386] I guess it's aggressive, but it's like you yell in my face sometimes.

[1387] Never.

[1388] Yeah.

[1389] No. Yeah.

[1390] No. You haven't heard me. You've yelled in my face.

[1391] No, I haven't.

[1392] You yelled?

[1393] No. I swore once in your face.

[1394] At a very high volume.

[1395] That's nothing, girl.

[1396] You should hear me fight with my brother.

[1397] Okay.

[1398] You want to hear me yelling?

[1399] Maybe your bar is like really high up there.

[1400] I can promise you that was a four out of ten.

[1401] Okay.

[1402] Well, for me, it was a yell.

[1403] I'm just saying people yelled at each other.

[1404] I yell at my parents all the time.

[1405] Am I hazing them?

[1406] Good question.

[1407] I would say so.

[1408] Maybe I am.

[1409] They really want to be in your sorority.

[1410] Yeah, they should.

[1411] It's a really cool one.

[1412] It's pretty cool.

[1413] That's pretty cool.

[1414] But yeah, come on.

[1415] Drinking game.

[1416] That's not hazing?

[1417] That's a Friday night.

[1418] It's fun.

[1419] At a university.

[1420] Yeah.

[1421] It's called fun.

[1422] Yeah, it is.

[1423] They didn't even list any that are actually hazing.

[1424] Like, fucking, you know, lighting people on fire, hitting them with a pillow case full of soap bars.

[1425] I guess the drinking large amounts of alcohol, like sometimes they have to, like, hug like a whole handle and you could die yeah that's true that's bad don't chuck the whole handle sing or chant in public you do haze me about that you're trying to get me to sing in public all the time that's true yeah i'm just trying to get you to sing period because you sing pretty thank you yeah and it's frustrating that you won't do it is it frustrating or is it like no i can see the smirk on your face like it's charming is it like something cool about me no it's that you have a uh You have an option at any time to delight people and you choose to keep that to yourself.

[1426] Well, I'm weighing.

[1427] It's like, how happy is it going to make that person versus how uncomfortable is it going to make me?

[1428] It's going to make me more uncomfortable than the happiness it's going to provide.

[1429] So are you saying if I was ever in a really terrible mood that you'd be willing to sing to get me out of that mood?

[1430] Probably.

[1431] Okay.

[1432] But try not to make me because it will really make me uncomfortable.

[1433] Okay.

[1434] All right.

[1435] But I would Can I request a song now Just so we have it all set up So I can practice?

[1436] Yeah Sailing by Christopher Cross Can you familiarize yourself?

[1437] Sailing Yeah Takes me away To where I'm going Okay I'll learn it No one at a live show Can ask me to sing it I'm only gonna sing it if What if I'm crying on stage?

[1438] Oh my God And I can't go on with the show and the only thing that'll help is if you sing either ride like, I'm changing it to ride like the wind.

[1439] Which one's that?

[1440] We heard it in the pool on Sunday.

[1441] Oh, Delta song?

[1442] Gonna ride like the wind to be free again.

[1443] And I got such a long way to go.

[1444] And then Michael McDonald comes in.

[1445] Such a long way to go.

[1446] Oh, another Christopher.

[1447] Yeah, Chris Chris is very soothing.

[1448] Okay.

[1449] All right.

[1450] I'll work on it.

[1451] Roy Orbison died at age.

[1452] He didn't know 52 or 50.

[1453] 53 and Wilford Brimley was oh boy um 51 when he was in cocoon oh my goodness that's seven years away from me oh yeah that's true oh my gosh I might be in a reboot of cocoon in seven years and that's three years younger than Seth Seth oh Seth from blessed his well no I'm guessing about cess I know yeah still I I learned some deeds about Seth.

[1454] So Ben Kazalki, who is a D .P., he's very talented.

[1455] He shot Freebie, and I love him, and he used to come to the movie watching parties where we'd freeze frames on butt cheeks.

[1456] Okay.

[1457] So when I posted the picture of Seth on Instagram, he immediately texted me, oh, my God, I'm so glad you're obsessed with Seth.

[1458] I'm also obsessed with Seth.

[1459] I worked with him two years ago, and he knew all this stuff about Seth that I didn't know.

[1460] One of them was he trained dudes in MMA.

[1461] Oh, wow.

[1462] Yeah.

[1463] Yeah, so that just notched it up even a bit further for me. Okay, so if he's on an airplane and you're on the airplane.

[1464] No, then he should be in charge of tackling the terrorists.

[1465] Well, no, this isn't a terrorist attack.

[1466] No, I'm just telling you what he would be great at.

[1467] Like if someone, they come over them, is anyone on board an MMA fighter?

[1468] We have terrorists approaching the cockpit.

[1469] Sess should leap up and get to going, get to working on these.

[1470] terrorists, okay?

[1471] If they come over the last, are there any pilots on board?

[1472] Please raise your hand or hit your call button.

[1473] No call buttons.

[1474] Okay.

[1475] Second to that, is anyone really proficient with driving machinery?

[1476] Hit your call button.

[1477] I'm hit my call button.

[1478] Yeah, you should.

[1479] Do you think he would?

[1480] I have no. I don't know.

[1481] I don't think he hangs his hat on his, his vehicular proficiency.

[1482] But boy, is he good on the eyes?

[1483] Easy on the eyes.

[1484] Yeah.

[1485] I want you guys to procreate so bad.

[1486] Oh my God.

[1487] I can't even imagine what the skin color would be.

[1488] It's okay if he's getting married.

[1489] I still want you to procreate.

[1490] He can still get married.

[1491] Well, that's not fun for me. Why?

[1492] I'm raising the kid.

[1493] This is my kid for you.

[1494] You guys procreate and I'll raise this kid.

[1495] Okay, but it's not fun for me to have sex with someone one time.

[1496] who's in love with somebody else and getting married.

[1497] Oh, I disagree.

[1498] I think that could be a real pleasurable experience.

[1499] Just don't think about his pending nuptials while you guys are.

[1500] Yeah.

[1501] If the whole thing is for science.

[1502] Mm -hmm.

[1503] You know?

[1504] Sure.

[1505] Like if it had been decided that you two both individually have the most appealing skin color anyone's ever seen on planet Earth, if that was just, that was a fact, that was a scientific fact that Sanjay came up with.

[1506] Okay.

[1507] And America said we need, we need to see this skin color preserved.

[1508] You guys need to procreate.

[1509] Yeah.

[1510] So that we have a high watermark.

[1511] So we know how to compare all other skin colors against.

[1512] Okay.

[1513] You guys have to do it for America.

[1514] Okay.

[1515] Okay.

[1516] I would do it.

[1517] Okay.

[1518] And it could be pleasurable, right?

[1519] Yeah, it would be great.

[1520] Yeah.

[1521] Okay.

[1522] And then I'd probably be sad after.

[1523] Why?

[1524] Because if he, what if I liked him and then he had to go get married?

[1525] That's true.

[1526] That could be saddeny.

[1527] That sounds 99 % possible.

[1528] Sure, but what if you were just like, you know, I don't even think I would want to date him, but that was physically just what an experience.

[1529] Yeah, that'd be great.

[1530] Yeah, I'm kind of fingers crossed that that's the outcome.

[1531] Okay.

[1532] Where you were like, that was not a waste of time.

[1533] No, I don't think it would be a waste of time.

[1534] I think it would be a fun time.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] Yeah, I do.

[1537] He looks good at it.

[1538] I can go a step further.

[1539] Please procreate with him.

[1540] I guess that's all.

[1541] I think that's the way we could finish.

[1542] Okay.

[1543] Walter Brimley was 51.

[1544] Walter Brimley.

[1545] Has that his name?

[1546] Oh, my goodness.

[1547] Wilford Brimley.

[1548] That's great because it kind of combines Walter Mathau and Wilford Brimley.

[1549] I can't believe you laughed so hard at that.

[1550] That was great because I got confused.

[1551] I'm like, I thought you were completely changing subjects.

[1552] You're like, okay, so Walter Brimley.

[1553] I thought you were saying like the quarterback for the Browns or something.

[1554] Oh, I. Okay, so Wilford Brimley, diabetus.

[1555] Was 51 in cocoon.

[1556] But.

[1557] Which is too young.

[1558] We agree that he's living in a retirement community.

[1559] Right.

[1560] The premise is that they live in a retirement community.

[1561] And they find these cocoons in the, in the pool.

[1562] And they swim in the water with the cocoons in the pool, and it makes them young.

[1563] The whole thing is a fountain a youth movie.

[1564] Oh, it is?

[1565] Yes, it's great.

[1566] Oh, then it does make sense.

[1567] It doesn't make any sense.

[1568] They're supposed to be like 70.

[1569] That's the whole appeal is that they're old and they get young and virile and tough.

[1570] But is that why they have to also look kind of young?

[1571] Well, that's interesting.

[1572] So you were thinking like just logistically, they had to have someone who could play young and virile.

[1573] Exactly.

[1574] If the whole premise is that they end up looking young, they had to look young.

[1575] Okay, then even in that scenario, which I could buy into, they should age them up.

[1576] Yeah.

[1577] Was that before old age, maybe?

[1578] This is very similar to Golden Girls.

[1579] Those women were not old.

[1580] Like, when you really look at their ages now, they weren't grandmas.

[1581] Right.

[1582] You know?

[1583] How old, like in their 50s?

[1584] Yeah.

[1585] I wish I had their exact ages.

[1586] But yeah, many of them were in their 50s.

[1587] So people go live in retirement homes?

[1588] I don't think they do.

[1589] I don't think before 65 people don't go to retirement communities.

[1590] But I mean, but do they at 65?

[1591] Yeah.

[1592] On the 65th birthday, they moved to a retirement community.

[1593] Really?

[1594] Well, just, you know, that's when people get Social Security and stuff.

[1595] Yeah, but so, so people are doing that.

[1596] In my opinion, I thought that people generally move into a home of some sort once they can't, like, really function on their own anymore.

[1597] Well, that becomes assisted living.

[1598] That's in nursing.

[1599] Nursing home or assisted living.

[1600] But these people are on their own.

[1601] They lived in individual homes in a retirement community.

[1602] Do people do that in life?

[1603] Is that real?

[1604] Go to retirement communities?

[1605] Yeah.

[1606] When I went with Trevor Robinson to see his grandma.

[1607] She lived in a retirement community in Arizona.

[1608] My step -grandparents, Barton's parents, they lived in a retirement community in Florida.

[1609] And they were young.

[1610] No, they were past 65.

[1611] Okay, yeah, that's 65 is still youngish.

[1612] I mean like.

[1613] Yeah, but what I'm saying is.

[1614] So, right.

[1615] So there's this whole bracket between living and working and assisted living, which is retirement community, which is like 65 to 90.

[1616] Right.

[1617] So all the people in there.

[1618] 79.

[1619] 79 is average.

[1620] of entrance into a nursing home.

[1621] Okay, great.

[1622] So 65 to 79.

[1623] They're in a retirement community.

[1624] There's shuffleboard.

[1625] There's communal pools.

[1626] I guess it's what I'm asking.

[1627] How many people are doing that?

[1628] It looks so fun.

[1629] I told you that's my dream is to live in a retirement community and drive a golf cart around.

[1630] I mean, you do say that.

[1631] And I always pictured a nursing home.

[1632] No, I don't want to be in a nursing home.

[1633] No, I want to be in a retirement mobile home community with a golf cart and shuffleboard and pool and and hot tub and then booze and drugs.

[1634] Yeah, okay.

[1635] I mean, I just didn't know.

[1636] Yeah.

[1637] It's good.

[1638] Now you know.

[1639] How many people have turned down S &L?

[1640] I don't know the number, but Chris Elliott.

[1641] You know Chris Elliott?

[1642] You know Chris Elliott?

[1643] Yes, I do.

[1644] Yeah.

[1645] But he was on.

[1646] He was on, but he turned down the first time it was offered.

[1647] Oh, really?

[1648] Yes.

[1649] Interesting.

[1650] Yeah.

[1651] And also, this is, I had to read it in two sources before I wrote it down.

[1652] Okay.

[1653] Jennifer Aniston apparently was offered S &L.

[1654] She made the right decision.

[1655] She took friends, yeah.

[1656] Fuck yeah.

[1657] Isn't that crazy?

[1658] I believe it.

[1659] She was really fun.

[1660] I remember right before she got friends.

[1661] She was in some show where she did sketches.

[1662] I remember a scene and she was super funny and broad.

[1663] Really?

[1664] Like falling down and there was twigs in her hair and all this stuff.

[1665] Oh, interesting.

[1666] Yeah.

[1667] And I also read, I don't know if this is true, I hope she comes on here to tell us Mindy for writing.

[1668] Oh, for writing.

[1669] That makes sense.

[1670] So I think there's maybe more.

[1671] I don't know.

[1672] But those three are kind of big ones.

[1673] Hard to imagine turning that down.

[1674] Yeah.

[1675] There is a whole group now of people that are younger than me that aspire as much to get on the daily show.

[1676] Yeah.

[1677] That's kind of neat.

[1678] And then when he was naming all the names, I was like, yeah, they've turned.

[1679] turned out a ton of fucking stars.

[1680] Awesome.

[1681] Awesome comedians.

[1682] Yeah.

[1683] It is a mill to get your own show.

[1684] Totally.

[1685] Yeah.

[1686] I do wonder, I don't think so, but I wonder if I was 15 years older if I would have been pursuing the daily show.

[1687] I don't think so.

[1688] I still think I was trying to be on SNL, but it is curious.

[1689] I don't feel like you were ironically that interested in, like, making people look silly, which often that happens on the Daily show, but then you did do that.

[1690] Right, right, I did.

[1691] I never was in love with the premise of punked.

[1692] Right.

[1693] You didn't, like, pick it of all the shows you didn't take it.

[1694] It was the one job I got offered and I did it.

[1695] Yeah.

[1696] So I don't think if you were choosing between S &L and the Daily Show, you would choose that route, because it's a little more that route.

[1697] Yes.

[1698] Would you?

[1699] I don't know.

[1700] And I don't think my schick was acting super serious.

[1701] Yeah.

[1702] But funny.

[1703] Right.

[1704] Although I don't know, though.

[1705] If I came up in an age where I was watching Ed Helms and all these guys, I might have been thinking, oh, I could do that.

[1706] Yeah.

[1707] Maybe I would have been practicing that.

[1708] True.

[1709] Yeah.

[1710] Who knows?

[1711] Did you ever think about The Daily Show?

[1712] No. No. I also never thought about SNL.

[1713] I never wanted to do that.

[1714] Oh.

[1715] So interesting.

[1716] So you want to do UCB just to be on the UCB stage?

[1717] No. I always love being.

[1718] funny but I wanted I wanted to be on a sitcom right like Jen Aniston yeah I wanted to be on like your girlfriend or the office or any of those shows I wanted to be a comedic actress right and you thought UCB was a good place to get discovered for that no I just thought I'd get better oh okay and I also just thought everyone's doing that who's good at comedy like right if Amy polar is the North Star and she created this place I should get yeah and then once I got there then I just fell in love with it right and all the boys there.

[1719] And a lot of boys there.

[1720] So many boys, boys, boys, boys, boys.

[1721] Guys, boys, boys.

[1722] Okay.

[1723] Is it Irish Goodbye?

[1724] Yes.

[1725] Oh, it is?

[1726] It's Irish Goodbye ghosting and French exit.

[1727] Oh, French exit.

[1728] Yeah.

[1729] So I'm shocked to learn I got it right last night.

[1730] Last night I said, I'm going to do an Irish goodbye.

[1731] Oh, you did.

[1732] And I just bailed.

[1733] And as I was leaving, I was like, there's no way I've got it's not Irish goodbye.

[1734] It's a French something, but a French exit.

[1735] French exit, Irish goodbye, ghosting.

[1736] Was there any etymology for why it's called an Irish goodbye?

[1737] No, maybe.

[1738] You just hammered and you fucking forget to say goodbye to everyone.

[1739] Maybe, that's a good guess.

[1740] I think that's a good guess.

[1741] Just trying to figure out, like, what stereotypes overlap with that.

[1742] Like, the French exit sounds like lofty, like, I'm too good to say goodbye to everyone.

[1743] Right.

[1744] I can't be bothered.

[1745] Actually, French exit sounds like.

[1746] Is that it?

[1747] I think it's a theater.

[1748] Yeah, it sounds like anal.

[1749] I think that's where it comes from.

[1750] I'm pretty sure that is where it comes from.

[1751] I think it's a theater term.

[1752] I got in the old French exit last night.

[1753] I think maybe it's a theater term or maybe I'm mixing that up.

[1754] But ghosting is probably the most popular one of this era.

[1755] What I think of ghosting, I think of, not responding to someone's text message.

[1756] Oh, you think it virtually.

[1757] Mm -hmm.

[1758] That is another form of it.

[1759] Like she ghosted me. We were texting.

[1760] Uh -huh.

[1761] Everything was going rhythmically.

[1762] And then she ghosted me. Oh.

[1763] Got an origin.

[1764] Oh.

[1765] Um, the potato famine of 1845 and 1852 when the Irish fled their homeland for America.

[1766] At the time, distance and technology meant, uh, that when someone went to America, they were gone forever and unlikely they would ever speak to their friends.

[1767] friends or family back home.

[1768] Oh, rooted in a famine.

[1769] Departure was sudden and absolute.

[1770] So that's sad.

[1771] But, but, you know how you could really make it make sense is if you were at a party and they didn't have enough food?

[1772] I cannot stay here anymore.

[1773] I got to go, I got to bounce and go get a, like, dinner somewhere.

[1774] So that would really make sense for an Irish goodbye.

[1775] That's a really good parallel.

[1776] Yeah, you're leaving because there's no potatoes at the party.

[1777] Well, now you know, now you can say all the things.

[1778] Also, I really heard, Tracy apparently loves French eggs.

[1779] Really?

[1780] Yeah.

[1781] Well, that's what Mike says.

[1782] What does she love about him?

[1783] She loves the French exit.

[1784] I guess just the intensity of it is for her.

[1785] Uh -huh.

[1786] Most, you know, most women don't like a French exit, but apparently she does.

[1787] Do you think?

[1788] Yeah.

[1789] Yeah, Tracy.

[1790] Oh, that most women don't like a French exit.

[1791] Yeah.

[1792] That seems to be word on the street.

[1793] Don't you think?

[1794] I don't know.

[1795] I don't know if.

[1796] Like when you hear people talking, friends talking about, the first thing you hear is girls going, like, there's no way I'm ever doing that.

[1797] Right.

[1798] No French exit for me. So that's the starter.

[1799] That's true.

[1800] I have to assume that the majority is no, stay on the highway, no French exit.

[1801] I know.

[1802] But I feel like they just don't want to try it, but they might like it.

[1803] They might like it.

[1804] You don't know until you try it is what they say.

[1805] That's what Tracy says.

[1806] Or maybe there's some level of shame about it.

[1807] So maybe they actually like it, but they're just playing along.

[1808] Like, oh, I would never let Kyle French exit.

[1809] Yeah.

[1810] I'd make him go through the.

[1811] front door like a gentleman.

[1812] Treat me like a lady and come through the front door.

[1813] Right.

[1814] Yeah.

[1815] What do you make a black and tan with?

[1816] Fill glass halfway with pale ale, then add stout.

[1817] The top layer is best poured slowly over an upside down tablespoon, placed over the glass to avoid splashing and mixing the layers.

[1818] But I just got like Pavlovian salvation.

[1819] Black and tans are so good.

[1820] I don't think I like them.

[1821] You don't?

[1822] On St. Paddy's Day?

[1823] It's too heavy.

[1824] Too heavy.

[1825] Okay.

[1826] Have you ever had an Irish car bomb?

[1827] That's my absolute favorite.

[1828] Yeah, again.

[1829] It tastes like a chocolate malt.

[1830] Yeah.

[1831] When you pound it.

[1832] One time Nate and I got it deep into, we were drinking at, in Santa Monica, the O'Malley's or something.

[1833] There's an Irish bar there, a pretty popular bar.

[1834] We went in there.

[1835] We discovered the Irish car bomb for the first time.

[1836] Maybe he knew about it.

[1837] I didn't.

[1838] Okay.

[1839] We had two.

[1840] I think there were 14.

[1841] bucks or something so i was like look these are amazing but we can't afford to keep drinking these let's get the fuck out of here go up to save on we went to save on we got the kaloo or bailey's and we got the jameson and we got the guineas went back to my apartment started doing irish car bombs i don't remember the end of the night but i what i do remember is waking up in the morning and walking out into the kitchen and nate was asleep on my futon in the fucking kitchen floor for most dropping the shot glass in and pounding and being hammered.

[1842] It was just mud.

[1843] The whole kitchen floor was covered and dry.

[1844] Oh, gross.

[1845] Calua in pub drought.

[1846] Wow.

[1847] Guinness.

[1848] That's funny.

[1849] It was delicious, though.

[1850] Yeah.

[1851] Is that the drink you'd have?

[1852] Maybe, boy, if I had to pick like a drink, I would have.

[1853] Yeah.

[1854] When you go to your retirement home, my penis doesn't work and I can't drive or land airplanes.

[1855] Fuck, man. A Guinness Pub drop might be it.

[1856] Hmm.

[1857] Or a Jack and Diet.

[1858] Those are so tasty.

[1859] You don't like them, though.

[1860] No. They're not for me. Yeah.

[1861] I understand.

[1862] You said people with superior memory, super memory, are also OCD.

[1863] So there was a study done in a new scientist by somebody Maga.

[1864] As new scientists noted that people with HSAM aren't necessarily.

[1865] better at making memories, they are better at retaining them over time.

[1866] Maybe the researchers theorized those memories are crystallized because people with HSAM obsessively revisit the past, the same way a person with OCD might obsessively wash their hands, for example, which strengthens their memories in the process.

[1867] The researchers also noted that the brains of people with HSAM, like those of people with OCD tend to have larger caudates and Poudamins.

[1868] Ooh, Pudamins.

[1869] Oh, Pudamins.

[1870] Monica Pudamins.

[1871] Two Aries connected to movement and learning.

[1872] Well, you know, I got that from the 60 Minutes episode that they did on Super Memory.

[1873] On that show, they said that most people have OCD who have that.

[1874] And they showed her closet that I remember the meticulousness by which she organized her shoes.

[1875] and her blouses and stuff.

[1876] But I just, I got a feeling like, even if I visited my memories nonstop, they know if it rained out on their eighth birthday.

[1877] Yeah.

[1878] That's just, that's something.

[1879] They're recording it differently.

[1880] They're seeing it.

[1881] They're seeing it in visual images, I think.

[1882] They are?

[1883] I think.

[1884] How else could they?

[1885] That's sort of how, I mean, I did not have a super memory.

[1886] I think my memory is getting bad.

[1887] But I think my memory works in pictures.

[1888] Like, I can often remember what people were wearing like a long time ago.

[1889] a conversation.

[1890] I do have, well, I'll get spatial stuff.

[1891] Like, I remember exactly where I was at on a certain road when I heard a certain thing.

[1892] Uh -huh.

[1893] You know.

[1894] Yeah.

[1895] That's curious.

[1896] Yeah.

[1897] But they say it's all linked, mostly though, to olfactory, right?

[1898] Your smells, that's where, the most memory triggering is smells.

[1899] That's probably true.

[1900] That's it.

[1901] That's everything?

[1902] Yeah.

[1903] Okay.

[1904] Well, happy birthday.

[1905] Thanks.

[1906] People don't know that your birthday's August 24th.

[1907] And that it's not even close to now.

[1908] Right.

[1909] But they should be preparing.

[1910] Oh, sure.

[1911] Everyone can prepare.

[1912] Should we do a live show on your birthday to celebrate?

[1913] I just feel like if we could get everyone to commit to a small present under $5.

[1914] And everyone brought one.

[1915] And that was 3 ,000 presents.

[1916] Oh, my God.

[1917] That's too many presents for me. I don't deserve that.

[1918] You love wrapping paper and stuff.

[1919] I do.

[1920] So I could just collect all the wrapping paper.

[1921] Yeah.

[1922] And we could ask people to pile them up on the front of the stage.

[1923] And then you wouldn't even see us.

[1924] There'd be a wall of cute presents for the mouse.

[1925] And we'd be somewhere behind there.

[1926] And then people would start wondering, did they hit play on a tape recorder?

[1927] Have they left?

[1928] And maybe we did.

[1929] Until I kick through the pile of presents with the t -shirt canon and start blast and free merch.

[1930] Sounds like a great birthday for you.

[1931] That's my birthday wish is that we celebrate your birthday in that fashion.

[1932] I don't want anybody to buy me presents.

[1933] Okay, that's clear.

[1934] I want people to buy you presents, so you're off the hook.

[1935] Also, I want someone to throw a pie at you for your birthday, like in the face.

[1936] What?

[1937] Like the grouch, like the Marx Brothers.

[1938] Yeah, I know.

[1939] I'm familiar with pie in the face.

[1940] Okay, that old comedic trope.

[1941] I'm not sure that that's what I want for my birthday, but I would take it.

[1942] If we do a live show on January 2nd, I'll take a pie to the face.

[1943] Okay, so that's fine.

[1944] So you can do that on your birthday.

[1945] Okay.

[1946] Great.

[1947] You heard it here first.

[1948] I love you.

[1949] Love you too.

[1950] I got a French exit now.

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