Niecy Nash Betts

[0] Hi, my name is Niecy Nash Betts, and I feel very sexy about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[1] Yes, I've been listening to years and years that people say.

[2] I feel less than enthused.

[3] And that's part of why I feel sexy because I have to pull up for you.

[4] I'm team Coco.

[5] Like, I'm in it.

[6] Look at me. I just look like I sort of work at the library.

[7] Fall is here, hear the yell.

[8] Back to school.

[9] Ring the bell.

[10] shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[11] Yes, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[12] Hey there, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[13] I just hit Sona with a pen.

[14] Yeah.

[15] On the hand, it was my way of trying to control you.

[16] It was childish and I admit that it was wrong.

[17] Oh, okay.

[18] Do you apologize?

[19] No, I do not.

[20] Oh, okay.

[21] You just admit you did something wrong, but you don't want to apologize.

[22] Exactly.

[23] Welcome.

[24] This is Sonam of Sessian who's speaking now.

[25] Regular on the show.

[26] My assistant.

[27] And we have a little treat today.

[28] I don't want to say it like it's an exciting good news.

[29] Matt Gourley couldn't be with us today.

[30] But sitting in his stead is my backup assistant who took over.

[31] He's kind of your main assistant now.

[32] Not it kind of.

[33] He is my assistant because you do nothing.

[34] I do some stuff.

[35] David Hopping.

[36] David Hopping, welcome to the show.

[37] Thank you.

[38] David Hopping.

[39] Just in case you're not familiar with him, David Hopping came in to sort of take over Sona when you were with child.

[40] Yes.

[41] Actually, with two children.

[42] Yeah.

[43] Mikey and Charlie.

[44] You called Rub and Tug.

[45] I called them in the womb.

[46] I called them Rub and Tug and Tug.

[47] Yes.

[48] But then they were born and you christened them.

[49] Mikey and Charlie, great Armenian names.

[50] Real testament to your love of your homeland.

[51] And then I really was thinking it was going to be like Greigu and Gogor, you know?

[52] Wow.

[53] No, but I mean that.

[54] Like, those are legitimate names.

[55] Right?

[56] I thought they'd be cool.

[57] No. The ones you just said?

[58] That's Armenian.

[59] It's gibberish.

[60] Oh, please.

[61] Gregor and Google?

[62] I don't know.

[63] What is that?

[64] I was doing my best to honor your culture and then I realized I didn't do any research, which is a terrible way to honor someone's culture.

[65] You're doubling down.

[66] I am doubling down.

[67] Even better.

[68] So we're joined by someone who's really taken up the slack and then some.

[69] David Hopping.

[70] You've done a wonderful job.

[71] Oh, thank you.

[72] I mean, I just want to say everything I learned about being an assistant I learned from Oh, and he's doing a great job?

[73] Hey, what's positive reinforcement like?

[74] Great.

[75] Oh, okay.

[76] Do you think I give you positive reinforcement?

[77] You do.

[78] It's really nice.

[79] I treat you so much better than Sona.

[80] You send me, like, text saying, like, I'm doing a good job.

[81] What?

[82] Those aren't me. Who is it?

[83] That's an AI.

[84] That's an AI bot.

[85] We had that constructed.

[86] Aaron Blair made that for me. When you get those every now and then, and it just says you're doing a good job and I value you and things like that, I have nothing to do with that.

[87] Oh.

[88] Yeah, have you noticed that they're signed Cronin, C -R -O -N -A -N?

[89] I just figured you were losing it.

[90] Even the ones that say I'm so sorry for your loss, those are randomly generated.

[91] Because you haven't had a loss recently.

[92] And doesn't it confuse you when you just wake him in the morning, it says, David, I'm so sorry for your loss, Cronin?

[93] Yeah, that is a little weird, but I just checked to make sure no one I know died.

[94] Oh, my God.

[95] David, you tell us a little bit of your, you're from, I ask you a lot about your childhood, your youth.

[96] You grew up in a very rural area of southern Illinois called Carlinville.

[97] And I actually went online and you can do street views.

[98] It is very flat in Carlinville.

[99] Very flat and a lot of corn.

[100] And I looked at your house and there's just literally like a house.

[101] Yes, you told me your address.

[102] I asked you.

[103] I went and I looked at the street view.

[104] It was your house and then just corn.

[105] Uh -huh.

[106] And way in the distance, a silo.

[107] And then I took a stab and said, I bet you guys spent a lot of time hanging out at the local DQ, and you said yes, the DQ is huge.

[108] And that's not a put town because I love a Dairy Queen.

[109] Dairy Queen's awesome.

[110] Oh.

[111] Yeah.

[112] You did, right?

[113] That's pretty much your childhood was watching the corn grow from your back window and then hitting the DQ?

[114] I mean, I want to just like sit and watch it grow, but I would like do other things.

[115] Did you make little markings on the window?

[116] Like, that's the top of the corn now?

[117] No. But then come back an hour later and not it's a little higher.

[118] I would never do that.

[119] Can I ask you a question?

[120] Yes.

[121] When you found out where he's from, did you Google and look at where he's from just so you could come up with things to make fun of him for?

[122] Yes, I did.

[123] Okay.

[124] I thought so.

[125] I thought so.

[126] Yes, I did.

[127] You were doing your research.

[128] Yeah.

[129] Just as I did with you.

[130] Yeah, I know.

[131] I know.

[132] That's why I'm curious.

[133] I immediately got a globe of the world and I found Armenia.

[134] Out of real globe.

[135] Yeah.

[136] And the last guy who I walked past a computer and went to a 1940s globe.

[137] and looked up Armenia.

[138] And when I say looked up, I mean, spun it around until I found it.

[139] Oh, wow.

[140] Yeah.

[141] But anyway, you're doing a very nice job, and I bet you your family, your folks back home must be proud of you.

[142] I think so.

[143] Yeah.

[144] What do I mean?

[145] I think so.

[146] You're working.

[147] Do they say what's Conan like?

[148] People ask a lot about what you're like, yeah.

[149] And what do you say?

[150] I usually say that you're like nice.

[151] A glowing.

[152] support from David Hopping.

[153] Yeah, you're welcome in Carlinville anytime.

[154] I'd like to go there with you, actually.

[155] You played, remember I did some sketches with you back in the day.

[156] When you first came on and you weren't even really my assistant yet.

[157] I forget what you were doing at the show.

[158] I think just hanging around.

[159] Well, I was your PA.

[160] Yeah, you were P .A. Okay.

[161] If they want to check out David Hoppe, you can see these on YouTube.

[162] I did that one where they gave me a wig and I was your successor.

[163] Yes.

[164] I wanted to groom a successor in case something happens to me or I'm grievously injured We want someone who could step right into the breach And so we put a Conan wig on you And I tried to train you to be me Yeah, you chose the most awkward person But it's really funny though It's funny But you are really funny It's very good if you want to You know see what And I know you have your own podcast I do Called Back to the Best Back to the best Where you explore the 90s 90s and 2000s yeah Yeah And one of your big obsessions is just in general?

[165] Well, yeah, a specific actress and what's why I'm thinking of.

[166] Oh, of course, Hillary Duff.

[167] Yeah, yeah.

[168] Lizzie McGuire.

[169] No, she's not here.

[170] This isn't Oprah where I look up.

[171] Look under your seat.

[172] It's Hillary Duff.

[173] But you could probably get her here, right?

[174] She won't pick up the phone for me. I can't.

[175] No, I will one day, it's my quest to get you to meet Hillary Duff.

[176] Oh, man. I don't know her.

[177] I don't really know Hillary Duff.

[178] What about Cher?

[179] He really loves Cherer, too.

[180] Can you meet, can we meet Cher?

[181] No, Cher is, I mean, come on, that's Cher.

[182] What?

[183] She's like a goddess.

[184] She's like, there's no way she's.

[185] It's just, you're saying to David, hey, you're doing a great job.

[186] Hey, I'll introduce you to your idol.

[187] And then I'm over here.

[188] And it's like, where's Cher?

[189] I'll do an impression for you.

[190] Okay.

[191] Hillary Duff's at home and someone calls from the next room, Hillary, Conan O 'Brien would like to speak to you.

[192] My guess is she says, huh, okay, I'll talk to him.

[193] Right?

[194] Reasonable.

[195] Now let's go into the share world.

[196] Share.

[197] What is it?

[198] Share, it's, it's me, your assistant.

[199] Conan O 'Brien would like to, who the fuck cares?

[200] I thought he was dead.

[201] That's the impression.

[202] And I think those are fairly accurate.

[203] So you're not meeting Cher.

[204] Come on.

[205] But you are definitely going to meet Hillary Duff.

[206] I'm going to arrange it.

[207] Yeah.

[208] So I'll take it.

[209] care of that.

[210] It's the best day.

[211] I'm having the best time.

[212] Oh, good.

[213] I love it here.

[214] I got compliments and Hillary Duff's coming in.

[215] Yeah, this is great for you.

[216] Thanks for having babies, so.

[217] Yeah, yeah.

[218] Does he call your dad Geppetto?

[219] Okay, okay, cool.

[220] You know what?

[221] It is nice to see David so happy.

[222] I haven't seen him this excited since they fixed the blizzard machine at the DQ.

[223] You know, we should talk about today's show.

[224] We got a great one.

[225] My guest today has starred in such series as Reno 911 Clause and Dommer.

[226] And now you can see here in the new movie Origin.

[227] I really like this woman.

[228] I'm thrilled she's here today.

[229] Nisi Nash Betts, welcome.

[230] Just before I sat down to talk to you, minutes ago, I was talking to a bunch of students who came by and they're all studying communications and they wanted to know, you know, give us some advice about the business and I talked to him for a while.

[231] And the first thing you said when I came in is this, what did you tell them?

[232] I said, did you tell them the truth?

[233] Now, you tell us what the truth is.

[234] Oh, my goodness.

[235] Let's hear it.

[236] If you want to, you know, to prepare you for show business, make sure you buy a big flat of top ramen.

[237] Yeah.

[238] You need ramen noodles.

[239] That I didn't say.

[240] I lived on chicken flavored ramen noodles and I could make a tuna fish sandwich.

[241] Oh, yeah.

[242] That's what I lived off of for years.

[243] That's what I'm trying to tell.

[244] That's why you got to tell the kids right.

[245] I didn't say that.

[246] You got to tell them to always make sure they have Advil or some sort of pain relieval because you get a sore back sleeping on different couches.

[247] Yes.

[248] You know, you got to tell them these things.

[249] You got to tell them that they will talk about you right in front of your face in an audition like you're not even standing there.

[250] This happened to me. I'm literally in an audition.

[251] And the one woman says to the guy sitting next to it, she has a cute face.

[252] Do you think she could lose weight?

[253] And I was like, I can hear you.

[254] You're right there.

[255] You're right here.

[256] So what is it?

[257] There's something like, first of all, that experience.

[258] You do get dehumanized.

[259] You know, I was always a writer.

[260] I never went just the pure acting route for a good reason.

[261] And I think I saved America some bad acting.

[262] But I see how you have to go, they'll bring in 9 ,000 people for one role.

[263] And they read you and they probably stop seeing you as a person.

[264] And more is just like, this is a commodity.

[265] Can we use this person?

[266] Can we not?

[267] And then they shuffle you through.

[268] And that does such a number on people's egos.

[269] You know what?

[270] For me, I have to say that, and this is another thing you could tell the kids that I've always known, that there is a difference between the call on your life and a hobby.

[271] Those are two different things.

[272] You're going to show up differently because when I knew that this was, you know, my plan A and my plan B was to make my plan A work, when I walked into that room, if they did not choose me, I had no problem saying, I feel so sorry for you.

[273] And I meant it with my whole chest.

[274] That's great.

[275] You know what I mean?

[276] Because you don't know, I'm going to be the thing.

[277] You'll see, watch and see.

[278] Where do you get that confidence?

[279] Because a lot of people would kill to have that confidence.

[280] I get that confidence if I've had a lot to drink.

[281] Oh, oh, boy.

[282] No, really, just a lot to drink.

[283] I feel like, if you're missing out on this and my wife says, shut up.

[284] You know, I am it.

[285] She's like, you're really not, you know, but that's how I feel if I've had some kind of substance.

[286] Well, I would probably have to say very early on, I'd, just chose to believe the manufacturer.

[287] I'm like, you know what I mean?

[288] Yeah.

[289] When I pray and I understand what my marching orders are, what I sense that my spirit is for me, and I just move forward with reckless abandon.

[290] I don't, I don't even think about it not happening.

[291] And when people don't see it, I'm like, oh, okay.

[292] You know, even when I, even from when I met Ed Asner as a kid on a Hollywood Walk of Fame, I told him, I was like, I know you don't know me. My name is Nisi.

[293] I'm going to get a star right here one day.

[294] And he was like, yeah, kids cram.

[295] He put a cigar out on your head.

[296] Basically.

[297] And I was screaming as he was walking away.

[298] Remember my name!

[299] You know, so I didn't have a doubt about it.

[300] But then you got a star.

[301] And I invited him to come.

[302] You seriously did?

[303] I invited him to come.

[304] He sent me a letter and said, I reminded him of our conversation.

[305] conversation.

[306] He said, I'm glad you didn't let a crotchdy old man keep you from your dream.

[307] And he said, of course, I know your name.

[308] And he drew a star and he wrote my name in it.

[309] And he said he could not come.

[310] But the day before my ceremony, I got a call and he said, I'll be there.

[311] Wow.

[312] And he came.

[313] That's amazing.

[314] Yeah.

[315] He came to my star ceremony.

[316] There's no other word than some sort of divine voice in you that tells you this is going to this is going to work you know yes and even though you have it it doesn't mean you don't have days you tell the kids this too get you some knee pads because you're going to be crawling across that floor hollering and crying because there are some things you want so bad and even though you know everything is divinely ordered in your humanity we just want what we want when we want it you know and how we want it yeah so i've had days like that you know where people didn't see me like I saw myself.

[317] People thought I was a one -trick pony for a long time.

[318] They're like, oh, no, you do comedy.

[319] We know what you do.

[320] And I'm like, I can do more than that.

[321] You know the adage.

[322] People who can make you laugh can make you cry.

[323] The reverse is not always true.

[324] Right.

[325] You know what I mean?

[326] Your best dramatic actors, you're probably never going to see on a comedy and, you know, a multi -cam coming this fall.

[327] You're just not.

[328] But somebody who can make you look.

[329] laugh, has the bandwidth, has the agency, has the depth to also bring you to tears.

[330] And I was like, give me a chance.

[331] And for a long time, they said no. And then finally I got a chance.

[332] And now I'm doing so much drama.

[333] I think people forgot I'm funny.

[334] I'm like, oh, Lord.

[335] Honey, write me a script.

[336] Did you feel like, well, first of all, when I first knew you and a lot of people knew you as someone who's just really naturally funny.

[337] You were just, you know, you're very gifted.

[338] You're very naturally funny.

[339] And that is how I first knew you and you'd come on the show.

[340] And I thought, I'm always fascinated to figure out when did you realize you were funny?

[341] Did you always know where you went when you were a little kid?

[342] That's usually when people figure it out.

[343] They figure out at a very early age that I've got this power.

[344] I've got this thing I can do.

[345] I always knew that I was funny.

[346] But it wasn't.

[347] I didn't know that comedy was a gift because I got in trouble for it.

[348] I got pinched in church, you know, for clowning around.

[349] You know what I mean?

[350] Or like a nun or a...

[351] By my mama.

[352] Oh, but you're your mom.

[353] Yeah.

[354] Knock it off.

[355] So you knew your assailant.

[356] That's the important thing.

[357] You could identify your assailant.

[358] Yeah.

[359] So, and I would get talks too much on my report card.

[360] And my mother's like, well, what are you in class talking about?

[361] I mean, sometimes I tell jokes.

[362] She's like, I got a joke.

[363] Go get the belt.

[364] You know what I mean?

[365] And so I got in trouble for it.

[366] So I didn't know it was a gift until 1993.

[367] My brother was murdered on his high school campus.

[368] And my mother says, I'm getting in the bed and I'm never getting back out.

[369] So I'm like, well, what could I do?

[370] And I was like 22, 23.

[371] And I'm like, I don't know what to do.

[372] But I do know I can make my mama laugh.

[373] So I started performing at the foot of her bed every day.

[374] I would come over there and do my bit and do my jokes and do my voices.

[375] And one day I came over and she wasn't in the bed.

[376] And I said, Mama, she said, we're in here.

[377] And I'm like, who is we?

[378] Well, I went across the street and got Ms. Brown and Ms. Sadie.

[379] And I told him you was funny.

[380] Get that karaoke microphone and stand up there and tell these people some jokes.

[381] I was like, what is happening?

[382] And so in that moment I tapped the karaoke mic Is this thing on How's everybody doing in the living room?

[383] I don't know what I'm saying I'm doing up here Be good to your waitress She works hard And so I started As I'm telling my things And doing my bit That's when I realized that comedy was healing I realized it was a gift And that voice said to me Because I was trying to get job as a very serious actress.

[384] I'm like, listen, are they doing part six of roots?

[385] I would love to be the lead slave, you know?

[386] I wanted to cry and fall all out on camera.

[387] Couldn't get a job anywhere in town.

[388] Who was your role model as a kid for the actress that you wanted to be?

[389] Oh, when I was younger, probably more like Sicily Tyson, you know, like that, that kind of a vibe.

[390] Diana Ross in Mahogany.

[391] But majestic.

[392] These are majestic people.

[393] Yeah.

[394] Yeah.

[395] And so what I'm standing there.

[396] saying these jokes in the karaoke microphone, the voice, as audible as my own says, Nisi, don't be a selfish heifer.

[397] It's a lot of people suffering.

[398] Go outside and spread this joy around.

[399] And I went outside and I said, my name is Nisi Nash and I'm funny.

[400] And they were like, yes, you are, little girl.

[401] Let us give you a job.

[402] And that was, you know, when I knew it was a lot more to it, you know.

[403] Yeah.

[404] But it's interesting that for me it was a revelation that this thing I can do to cheer up my mom or make people laugh in a tense situation, there's a job that you could, it's actually a job.

[405] I didn't know it was a job.

[406] I mean, I grew up in, you know, Boston and the 1970s.

[407] There's no one, I wasn't bumping into people in show business.

[408] I didn't know that it was a job for the longest time, which was kind of a cool thing to find out.

[409] Yeah.

[410] I thought this is just something you do with people for fun.

[411] And, I mean, even the way Sona and I, Sona was my assistant.

[412] And we were just, we would always mess with each other, screw around, and then people would laugh.

[413] And then we'd put it on camera.

[414] Now it's like this mini industry.

[415] I know it's true.

[416] You didn't know that this would happen when you signed up to be my assistant.

[417] No, I didn't.

[418] You thought you'd be getting me like foot inserts, you know, for the rest of your life.

[419] Yeah.

[420] I did that too.

[421] Yeah.

[422] And by the way, I need them again.

[423] Oh, okay.

[424] Yeah, it's time.

[425] I don't assist you anymore.

[426] So go ask the new guy.

[427] Yeah.

[428] We need the new foot inserts.

[429] My orthotics.

[430] But I mean, that was just something that was natural and real.

[431] And then you realize that's all there is, is just if we can put it on a, put a camera on our microphone.

[432] Yeah.

[433] But I didn't know.

[434] It took me a while to know that.

[435] Yeah.

[436] And you just seemed to, you knew, you get into it.

[437] Well, I knew I was a lover first.

[438] Mm -hmm.

[439] And then funny, second.

[440] I mean, I remember I liked a boy when I was in kindergarten.

[441] And I knew something told me, doll up.

[442] look nice.

[443] So I wore my, I begged my grandmother to let me wear my, my Sunday dress, which was a purple velvet teen.

[444] So I, and my long socks and my patent leather shoes and my rabbit jacket.

[445] You know, back then they used to, you know, in the 70s, they used to take a little pieces of rabbit and make you a little jacket out of it.

[446] My rabbit jacket and I put a piece of candy in my sock.

[447] Wait a minute.

[448] You put a piece of candy where?

[449] In my socks.

[450] In your sock?

[451] So I could offer him a piece of candy.

[452] In your sock?

[453] Because I didn't have pockets.

[454] No, I understand that you didn't.

[455] So you'd say, would you like a piece of candy?

[456] And then pull it out of my sock.

[457] And then put it out of your sock.

[458] And that way that draws attention to the leg and the ankle.

[459] Come on.

[460] Wow.

[461] I never thought of that.

[462] He neither.

[463] No. I'm going to try that.

[464] And now when I talk to people and say, I got some candy in my sock, it's got a different vibe.

[465] It's got a way different vibe.

[466] of my van.

[467] I got candy in my sock.

[468] Don't do it, Coco.

[469] Not the band.

[470] Don't do it.

[471] The van doesn't work.

[472] It's up on blocks.

[473] I got a marathon bar in my sock.

[474] It's not good.

[475] It's not good.

[476] No. In kindergarten, it works.

[477] Now, not so much.

[478] Yeah.

[479] So many things were I looked cool back then and now were just creepy.

[480] Facts.

[481] Like, For a while, you said you felt like you got typecast, pigeonholed, whatever you want to call it, siloed as you're the funny person.

[482] It's like on Reno 911, they probably just people love you and then they think that's what you do, right?

[483] That's it.

[484] That's what you do.

[485] Yeah.

[486] We know you and we know what you know how to do and you know how to do that.

[487] And it took a long time, you know, to get people to see me how I see myself.

[488] You know what I mean?

[489] I'm a multi -hyphen it.

[490] I can do all the things.

[491] You know what I mean?

[492] Don't put this baby in the corner and tell.

[493] Tell me, I'm only one thing.

[494] You know what I mean?

[495] So I, but I'm happy now because I feel like my peers get it.

[496] Yes.

[497] They're like, oh, okay.

[498] And I'm curious in that whole time, you just knew you could do it.

[499] Were you studying acting at all?

[500] Were you, or did you?

[501] Because initially, when you got into comedy, they asked you, can you do improv?

[502] Yeah, and I lied.

[503] And you lied.

[504] I lied my way into it.

[505] But you know what?

[506] You just said I could when you had never.

[507] Did you know what improv was?

[508] Nope.

[509] You know what's so funny, it occurred to me?

[510] That is improv.

[511] Can you do improv?

[512] Yes, I can.

[513] Yeah.

[514] Because that's what improv is, is yes, and.

[515] So, of course you lied to do it.

[516] I lied.

[517] And then I called my friend Big George.

[518] And I was like, what the hell is improv?

[519] And he was like, you know, he was like, they also wanted me to do sketch.

[520] I had never done that before either.

[521] But I was like, yep.

[522] You know what I mean?

[523] And I just called my friend and said, what do I have to do?

[524] I'm like, oh, just be dumb.

[525] Like I always, you know, I'm around my house doing the same, you know, make me up stupid stuff I'm already doing.

[526] Right.

[527] Yeah, I could do that.

[528] Yeah.

[529] Also, that's a natural thing.

[530] If I didn't know you and you didn't know me and you were working at a bank and I came in and we would start goofing around the two of us and we'd make something.

[531] Oh, yeah.

[532] Because I would know right away, you'd, I'd say something maybe silly to.

[533] you and you'd come right back with stuff that was ten times funnier and sillier.

[534] And before you know it, that's what we'd be doing.

[535] Yeah, it would be a big.

[536] That's not because we're in this profession.

[537] It's because.

[538] No. Do you know how many times?

[539] Let me tell you something.

[540] When the people tell you this call may be monitored for, you know, training person.

[541] That's the true statement.

[542] I used to answer phones on a midnight shift for an airline whose name I'm not going to say.

[543] And I got in trouble so many times because it's the graveyard shift.

[544] And I'm like, I could work.

[545] on characters while I answer the phone.

[546] Well, guess what, guys, you can't.

[547] You're not supposed to do that.

[548] I'm like, good evening, where you want to go now?

[549] And that lady and that tower would always point her finger and be like, and everybody would laugh at me because I'm like, ah, she's getting in trouble again.

[550] You know, and I, you know, yeah.

[551] So, yes, to your point, if we were at the bank.

[552] It's so funny, you mentioned that.

[553] because when I'm on any call and they say, by the way, you know, I'm trying to like activate a credit card or trying to do something and they say this call is being monitored, I feel I got to take it up a notch because, you know, they know my name and I think, well, I, you know, they might be listening to this later on.

[554] So I got to.

[555] So that's when I start sticking it up a little bit.

[556] And sometimes they're laughing, but other times they're like, we just want to finish this process.

[557] And no, we're not going to all gather around later and listen.

[558] to your really funny observations about American Express or, you know, MasterCard.

[559] No. Hey, everybody, come.

[560] I just talked to Conan.

[561] He gave me some good stuff and it's been monitored.

[562] Let's check it out.

[563] It's not going to happen.

[564] It's just people at work who just want to go home.

[565] They just want to go home.

[566] That's it.

[567] I want to get this idiot, his credit card activated.

[568] So you said you could do improv and then quickly realized, yeah, I can do it.

[569] Of course I can do it.

[570] I'm going to figure it out.

[571] You know what I mean?

[572] But, you know, so funny.

[573] Because when I auditioned for Reno, I did not know enough to know that you should kind of like work on a bit.

[574] You should workshop it, see where the jokes are, and, you know, that kind of thing.

[575] I just didn't know enough to know.

[576] So when I got the callback, I was like, I could do the same thing I did last time.

[577] I said, but I found this handkerchief in the back seat in my car.

[578] And I was thinking about something on the way over here called Carol the Slade.

[579] Y 'all want to see?

[580] They said, do we?

[581] And do it now.

[582] You know what I mean?

[583] And so it was just that by the seat of my pants, because what I knew for sure, I don't know if you're going to book me on this job, but I know my ass is funny.

[584] Now, now that I do know.

[585] So I did not fear the thing that I was the most comfortable in.

[586] You kind of know what I'm saying?

[587] Yeah.

[588] So, you know, advantage, disadvantage.

[589] I don't know.

[590] I just feel like people want to work getting back to those kids with people that they like.

[591] at the end of the day you know what I mean your first you know a minute it's just to get them alike you you know what I mean and not have that desperation that stinks up the room like oh my God if you don't do this I'm going to have to move back to Nebraska next week if you know what I mean if I don't get this job but just like this is who I am you know it's funny because you brought up something else too which is especially in comedy but I think true in a lot of things confidence if people get the sense that you are okay.

[592] Like an audience will look at you.

[593] And if they know, hey, I'm fine with whatever happens, I got this, they relax.

[594] It's kind of a salesman job, but they relax and think, wow, Nisi knows what she's doing.

[595] You know, we just brought her in and boy, is she relaxed and boy, is she confident.

[596] It almost, it makes it happen, I think.

[597] Listen, my grandmother used to tell me, I remember I had a baby.

[598] And baby, I don't know what happened.

[599] This body ran away from me. and it was meaty, cheesy, and greasy.

[600] And I didn't feel comfortable and I didn't feel comfortable and I didn't feel comfortable and I didn't feel comfortable.

[601] And my grandmother looked me dead in my eye.

[602] She said, baby, when you's the only naked woman in a room, you looks good.

[603] I said, okay, grandma, mic drop.

[604] Let me take my clothes off right now.

[605] You know, and you sometimes.

[606] you just got to, you know what I mean?

[607] You got to roll with what you got.

[608] Yeah.

[609] Well, I've been doing that.

[610] What I got.

[611] Do you get confidence like that from your mom?

[612] I don't want to make my mom feel bad, but no, I didn't.

[613] I just wanted to take a moment and make your mom feel bad.

[614] I know.

[615] It's different.

[616] But you're right.

[617] After you have a baby, because I had babies a couple years ago, and you're, you feel very differently about it.

[618] So it's nice to know somebody said that to you when you needed to hear that, you know.

[619] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[620] Yeah, it's all those confidence boosters.

[621] How many kids?

[622] You have three.

[623] You have three kids.

[624] And how old are they?

[625] What's their range?

[626] I think my son, did he just have a birthday?

[627] Yeah, you know, you start to forget.

[628] I have two kids and I can't even recall their names at this moment.

[629] Yeah, my son is 32.

[630] I have a girl that's 27.

[631] Wow.

[632] And a baby girl that's 24.

[633] Did they show the same interest in doing what you're doing?

[634] Yes.

[635] Yeah.

[636] All wanted to do it.

[637] Yeah.

[638] But also, too, I think.

[639] When you grow up with your mom on TV, if you're good at your job, you make it look easy.

[640] Yeah.

[641] You know what I mean?

[642] It's like, you know, my mom can do that.

[643] I can do that.

[644] You know what I mean?

[645] And it wasn't unusual to sit down on a Saturday morning and, oh, oh, my mom is hosting Clean House that's on Skip, Skip, Skip, Skip.

[646] Oh, Reno 9 -1 is on.

[647] My mom, not going to let me watch that.

[648] Skip, skip, skip, skip.

[649] Oh, my mama was in a movie that's on, you know what I mean?

[650] It wasn't unusual to find me somewhere on.

[651] television and so very early on they all were like oh pick me pick me pick me because they just think that's normal yeah you made it normal yeah and it was like that's what i want to do and so they're all in some sort of entertainment right now yeah all of them when my boy was i think he was four years old and he saw me do some big show in a big venue and afterwards he turned to my wife and he said when i grow up i want to do something that doesn't happen in a theater or with people I thought, man, I must have been bad.

[652] And to his credit, and he just, he loves comedy, and I think he likes what I do, but he's not, he just, that was not his thing.

[653] Not his thing.

[654] But he knew right away, he saw his dad making a fool of himself in the, on the beacon theater in front of a couple thousand people and said, nope, that is not for me. Well, I'm not doing that.

[655] I love it.

[656] And I've worked with my kids, too.

[657] We did a, we had a reality show at one point together.

[658] And I really only did that for them, just so you could get a taste of it.

[659] You got to get up in the morning.

[660] You got to do this.

[661] You know, I'm going to show you what it is.

[662] But all of them have, at some point in another, been cast in something that I've done.

[663] My youngest daughter played my daughter in the series Monster, the Jeffrey Dahmer story.

[664] That was on Netflix.

[665] That was my real daughter.

[666] She also played a younger version in me in a TV show that I had called Claws.

[667] And my middle girl guested with me on a series that I just did called The Rookie Feds.

[668] So my son was with me on the Soulman.

[669] Like they've all at some point or another.

[670] Experienced it through your lens, which is good.

[671] You know what I mean?

[672] And so I was like, I'm a show you, but I'm not show manager.

[673] You know what I mean?

[674] And I'm not going to try to run your career and tell you what you need to do.

[675] You want to do a self -tape?

[676] I read with you, but I'm not calling around town to get you a job.

[677] That's your job.

[678] Right.

[679] You know, because when I'm dead and gone, if I'm the only person who ever gave you a job, what are you going to do?

[680] Right.

[681] You know, so you got to, you got to learn it.

[682] And if you really want it, time is going to tell.

[683] That's how I parent.

[684] Well, I was going to ask you for a job, but now I'm not going to.

[685] Well, you might be different.

[686] No, I'm not.

[687] I had the experience recently of doing something that was more serious on this project and hasn't come out yet, but I was very self -conscious about it at first because it's very different.

[688] You know, if your whole life is listening for the laughs and then you've got to inhabit this other space where you've got to just actually sense if it's working or if it's not working and it's jelling.

[689] And I'm wondering when you first were switching over, did you?

[690] Did you feel when you were doing dramatic parts, did it feel at all alien to you?

[691] Or is it just like a duck in water?

[692] When I first started, yes, it felt foreign to me because it was a muscle that I didn't get to exercise in my craft.

[693] You know what I mean?

[694] I could take a multi -cam script and read it in the car at the stoplight and get to work and already have three choices.

[695] You know, leave them wanting more.

[696] You know what I mean?

[697] I'm going to do this in front of the live audience.

[698] I'm going to do that for this.

[699] And I'm going to give them another.

[700] You know what I mean?

[701] because it was such in my DNA.

[702] But the other part, I never forget, honey, let's get back to Mamas.

[703] My mama told me, she said, now, you know what?

[704] You're real funny.

[705] And you got that natural.

[706] You got that.

[707] But on that drama side, you need some work.

[708] And you don't do that too good.

[709] So here's what Mama's going to do.

[710] Wow, she said that to you.

[711] She said, I'm going to work overtime, okay, to get the money.

[712] You find the best class in town, and I'm going to pay for it.

[713] Because if you're going to do it, you do it right.

[714] What my mother said.

[715] That's incredible.

[716] That's when I went somewhere and tried to figure it out.

[717] And I was so lucky that I found then a class where you used to bring a VHS, children, that's a video tank.

[718] There were these machines.

[719] But you could take it home.

[720] And the old days, they were a big brick.

[721] That's what I had, the old days.

[722] Just the big quarter inch, I mean, it was, or three quarter inch, I think.

[723] It was a big, it was like a piece of concrete that was your tape.

[724] right on up in there, and I would go back home and just watch it and see what I could do different and try to, you know, try to watch it.

[725] But now you can also, because you know what we look for, we're looking for the reaction to make sure we did the bit, but you see it in the face of the crew.

[726] You see it.

[727] When you do a scene and you know if it's popping or not, when the crew is like, you know what I mean, or they choke up, you know what I mean, they walk off, you know.

[728] When they stop eating for a second.

[729] the fried bread you know you got them that's it when they drift away from the craft food service table you know you got them that part yeah I always used to try and I mean this always relates more to comedy but when I was working on anything I would I knew that if the like if it was at a venue where there's like wait staff or anybody if they're hanging out watching and they seem to be chuckling that meant more to me than anything like I felt like, okay, these are people that aren't, they're not here to laugh.

[730] They don't have to laugh.

[731] They don't even have to listen.

[732] But it's a very different vibe.

[733] But yeah, it's interesting that you mentioned that with the crew.

[734] Like, they're people and they will pick up and they see a lot.

[735] They see every, they've see people come and go.

[736] Oh yeah.

[737] And you can see if they, if you've got them, that really means something.

[738] It means something.

[739] I'm just curious, what kind of acting classes did you take?

[740] Was there a certain method that you were learning or?

[741] I don't even remember the teacher or anything.

[742] I just remember taking a class where you had to bring your videotape in every week.

[743] And then, you know, they will tape you.

[744] And then, you know, watch it back and critique you and tell you all of the things.

[745] And then I just kept trying and trying and trying.

[746] And I really just felt like I wanted to get it right.

[747] And where it turned a corner for me was the series that I did on HBO called Getting On.

[748] That was where it turned a corner because even though it was a comedy, I guess, a workplace, comedy.

[749] It's so interesting because I love the show, but it's also, it's so funny because we're in this new world now where I think it's harder and harder to label things, a comedy or a drama, because getting on could be really funny but also very touching and then just heartbreaking.

[750] So I don't know what you would call it, but yeah.

[751] But it was playing, I was always so broad.

[752] All of my bits, all of my stuff that I had done before that were always so broad.

[753] And this was so small, so penissimo.

[754] So to me, it very much felt like if you play the scene for real, it's a drama.

[755] For me, you play it for real.

[756] You don't play it for the joke.

[757] And you say it with as much of a straight face, you're not waiting for the ba -a -pump.

[758] The lines are just rolling into the next one.

[759] And I was like, oh boy, this is, and I remember the producer coming in, he says, hey, listen, I know you've never done anything like this before, but if you play your card ride, you, lady, will be on the e -list.

[760] And I thought, my God, Kathy Griffin is on the D list.

[761] What's lower than that?

[762] What?

[763] Do I want to be on?

[764] On the E -LIS?

[765] You'll someday maybe get up to Kathy Griffin's level.

[766] Weird thing for someone to say.

[767] But then I found he kept talking and I was sitting there just about to cry.

[768] And I was like, he really thinks, he doesn't think that much of me. And he said, because when you get nominated for that Emmy, I said, oh, E -Lis.

[769] Oh, yes, I got it.

[770] Yeah, I got it now.

[771] Oh, my God.

[772] Yeah, but that was after I died inside.

[773] And he was right, you know, and I got the nomination, so he was right.

[774] Our culture just so avoids older people and so avoids, you know, and to a point where if you look at ads and you drive around, you just look at magazines and everything, you'd think that old people didn't even exist.

[775] And it's for a show to actually make the whole focus about that.

[776] The elderly.

[777] Oh, I love it so much.

[778] that stage of life, but then also I think that's why the humor was such a relief on the show.

[779] You could create that tension and then things were that much funnier to me because you're dealing with such a third rail topic.

[780] One of my ladies in the show I was in the scene with and they kept trying to yell and tell her she was talking too loud.

[781] And he said, what?

[782] And tell her she's talking too loud.

[783] And I said, well, he just wants me to let you know you're talking too loud.

[784] You could talk a little something.

[785] Oh, that comes from my years in vaudeville, dear.

[786] I was like, okay.

[787] I said, all right.

[788] That's awesome.

[789] So at lunchtime, we talked about vaudeville.

[790] I'll tell me everything.

[791] I killed it in 1911.

[792] This latest movie that you did, Origin, it was based on this book, Caste.

[793] Yeah, cast.

[794] Cast.

[795] Cast.

[796] Cast, Caste.

[797] I want to differentiate it from cast, meaning most people thinking cast of a show or something, and that's how it's pronounced, but it's talking about this levels in society, you know, and it was this book that really talked about how calling a situation racist is really kind of almost oversimplifying it, because we all have different ways of marginalizing people.

[798] Yes.

[799] And I thought that was a really cool idea.

[800] And so Ava DeVernay turned it into this movie, which is this beautiful idea.

[801] And it's a very different kind of movie.

[802] In a lot of ways, it's not afraid to try everything and anything to get the message across.

[803] Yeah, you know, it was so interesting because now, let's say, you know, it's a very deep, thought -provoking film.

[804] But when Ava called me, she was like, you know, I have this movie and I wrote this part with you in mind.

[805] How cool is that, by the way?

[806] Well, first of all, it's amazing.

[807] Second of all, this is where the wheels fell off of it, though.

[808] She's like, yeah, you know, I need you to bring some lightness and humor to it.

[809] I said to this movie, this is the, you know what I'm saying?

[810] This is a tearjerker.

[811] You want, you want, what do you want?

[812] You know, and so she said, but that's why I need just a little brightness.

[813] in it.

[814] And that was where we really had to trust each other.

[815] I said, well, you know what I mean?

[816] I can give you some sauce for the ribs, but it's not on the page.

[817] Yeah.

[818] You know what I mean?

[819] So I have to find it just in character.

[820] But also talk about trust.

[821] You're making a movie that is about the most electrifying, upsetting topic in the world today.

[822] And that is really what the movie's all about and the different ways that people dehumanize and degrade each other.

[823] And then you're being asked by not just anybody, but Eva DiVernay, too, can you lighten this up a little bit?

[824] And there's no, it's not like you're doing it on stage in front of a couple thousand people who will let you know that you're doing it the correct way.

[825] That seems terrifying to me. You're going to find out later on when it's all put together whether what you were doing looks right or feels somebody insensitive or off the mark.

[826] But you've also got to trust your gift.

[827] That's another note.

[828] You can tell them kids downstairs.

[829] Trust your gift.

[830] I'm taking these from myself.

[831] I know.

[832] You need to listen.

[833] Screw those kids.

[834] I'm writing everything down.

[835] Yeah, you know, trust your gift because at this point, I know my instrument.

[836] And I trust it.

[837] You know what I mean?

[838] And even in the same thing.

[839] scenes where I had scenes with Andre Nuellis, our lead, who did such a beautiful job in this movie where I had to, we had to look at photographs and, you know, they were just, you know, like little pickup scenes to get us into the scene.

[840] Like it said, we find them laughing.

[841] Well, you know me?

[842] I'm like, at what?

[843] You know what I mean?

[844] Angenu done crap through the whole movie so I know she don't got jokes.

[845] Here I come.

[846] I'm ready.

[847] I'm ready.

[848] So, What I did was because I told her a different story every time they said action, a different make -me -up story.

[849] So her laughs in those moments were real.

[850] We're genuine.

[851] Yeah.

[852] And it was like my little gift to her because you have, you know, you have suffered so much loss in this film.

[853] You know, you're crying through this movie.

[854] You know, you're going, you know, traveling across the country, revisiting all of these pain.

[855] parts of history.

[856] And this is the least I could do.

[857] This night, we sat at this table to give you a little, you know, a little relief from that.

[858] You know what I mean?

[859] And I took pride in that.

[860] I said, you know, that's my job to provide provision for the vision in this moment.

[861] And that's what it called for.

[862] It's pretty, do you ever just even take a second and look back at your journey from you making your mom laugh to your, you're working on it's it's a it's a it's a really beautiful arc working on these projects now you know it's a it's a it's a it's a crazy journey to to if you look when you look at the whole thing because anyone can take one section they can go and watch origin and see you and that and go oh that's cool but when they when you see the whole journey it's pretty mind blowing it brings tears of my eyes you know to be honest with you uh because i'm like it's what it says to me And what I say to my children and them kids downstairs is that dreams come true.

[863] They absolutely come true.

[864] You know what I mean?

[865] And if you look at me, you know what I mean?

[866] You know, somebody who had no background in any of it, didn't know what sketch was, improv was.

[867] And here I am still 20 -some odd years later, still putting on the baby hair in the, in the booty from Reno 9 -1 -1, you know what I?

[868] I mean, the longest running sketch, you know, bit that has been on television.

[869] I mean, it's, it's mind -blowing.

[870] But I feel so much gratitude for it, you know.

[871] I've always heard it was your idea to put on the prosthetic fake booty.

[872] Is that true?

[873] That's a fact.

[874] Because, you know, why?

[875] Because the women in my family, I did not see them on TV.

[876] You know what I mean?

[877] Now you could buy a butt on.

[878] every corner.

[879] You know what I mean?

[880] You can buy one on every corner.

[881] But then it wasn't popular to have all of the, you know what I mean?

[882] And I went to so many booty fittings.

[883] Like, you don't even understand.

[884] And they couldn't get it right because they were building it straight back.

[885] So I went to my girlfriend and I brought her up there who had, you know, the natural slamma jama.

[886] And I'm like, you see, you got to starve from the hips and wrap it around.

[887] So I got the booty right.

[888] It was really.

[889] I love that you brought your friend in.

[890] What was your friend's name?

[891] I don't know if I should say it.

[892] Okay.

[893] Oh, you just mean, it's a compliment.

[894] What I'm saying to your friend?

[895] Hey, come on over here.

[896] I need your ass.

[897] I need your ass.

[898] Get your ass over here, literally.

[899] Get your ass over here.

[900] Literally.

[901] And you know, let me tell you something.

[902] That friend of mine, true story.

[903] her butt and my up top was how we got to look Prince right in the face.

[904] We didn't have tickets to this Grammy party he was at.

[905] So we went around the side and there was a security guard.

[906] I said, girl, you know what to do.

[907] She started walking backwards.

[908] I started walking forwards.

[909] I was like, come on.

[910] And we walked over there.

[911] So he led us in the back door.

[912] So we get in the party and then we lied and said that I'm always lying to get a job, right?

[913] We lied and said she was Prince's cousin.

[914] And so we go, the purple one was behind this door.

[915] So we knock, we walk up to security like, yeah, we need to get in there.

[916] She's like, I'm his cousin.

[917] I'm like, yep, she's his cousin.

[918] And he looked at us up and down.

[919] He said, one minute.

[920] He closes the door and goes.

[921] The door opens.

[922] It is Prince.

[923] He looked at us.

[924] And before we could take a breath, He said, nice try and closed the door in our face.

[925] I said, but we got to see him.

[926] He said, nice try to us.

[927] That is so cool.

[928] And I don't even know what that had to do with the booty.

[929] But the point is, it was that same girl's butt.

[930] She walked backwards to get in.

[931] The power.

[932] That's how she got everything in life.

[933] She walked backwards.

[934] We deny this card.

[935] Oh, yeah?

[936] Check this out.

[937] Their card works.

[938] Conan's so jealous right now.

[939] Well, okay, let's talk about this.

[940] I have famously, I have no ass.

[941] There's just nothing back there.

[942] It's a straight drop.

[943] And I'm thinking I should get a prosthetic.

[944] Is there something they make for men now?

[945] Make sure it's done right.

[946] You should bring a friend in who has the right butt and then have them do it.

[947] I don't know.

[948] I don't know what the right butt looks like.

[949] Yeah, exactly.

[950] You should come.

[951] And I should say, I want this.

[952] But the point I was making is that that butt wasn't popular.

[953] then, that body type, not even the butt, just the body type.

[954] You know, and I wanted to be somebody that my aunties could look at and see themselves.

[955] And so I was like, I want to look like the women in my family.

[956] And I have to tell you, so many men met me in life after and were so disappointed that I didn't have the thing on.

[957] They were like, you lost weight?

[958] I'm like, no. I can go get it.

[959] It's in the back of the car Just keep it with me at all times You can borrow her Well I don't don't they make something for men No I'm just saying you could borrow the one she uses For Reno 911 No maybe I can have a name for it I did not But you know my prosthetic one Like I have one that I would wear under the uniform But the prosthetic one that I wore With the thong bathing suit That one And somebody stole it.

[960] You bet they did.

[961] It was in a temperature control locker somewhere.

[962] If I knew where that was, I'd grab it.

[963] I'd take it on vacation.

[964] What are you going to get?

[965] What are you going to do with it?

[966] That's my business.

[967] You're evading my privacy right now.

[968] I buy two airline tickets and the prosthetic ass is in the other one.

[969] And we both have a glass of champagne.

[970] when you make yourself laugh you've gone too far come back come back from over there I should be ashamed to myself the thing is about you and I've talked to you many times you're always you've had I don't think you're any different after all the success you're you're such a real person you're such a force I think that's the real gift don't you think when you say that's true Like, you're just, you haven't, I know people who've had a lot of success and they go through a machine and they kind of, I don't recognize them as much later on.

[971] You know what I mean?

[972] I don't know if you've encountered that, but I encounter people who, but you are always you in the best way.

[973] You just like this pure, like I was in a, like I was thinking about it today.

[974] Like this is just going to be, we're going to have a really good time.

[975] And that's just from experience, just from knowing you.

[976] I haven't seen you since I got newly married, though.

[977] That's right.

[978] You got married in like two years ago?

[979] Three years ago.

[980] I got married in 2020.

[981] I haven't seen you since.

[982] And I don't think I've met your partner, have I?

[983] No, you have not.

[984] Yeah.

[985] No, you have not.

[986] You haven't met anyone I was married to.

[987] I mean, I've seen you a couple times.

[988] I mean, you know what?

[989] I've been married three times.

[990] I've seen you at least through two of them.

[991] You always made sure that everyone else was gone when you and I met, you know?

[992] Oh.

[993] My name is Nisi Nash Betz, and I feel sexy about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[994] Your wife is Jessica?

[995] Is that right?

[996] Yes.

[997] I don't call her my wife.

[998] Okay.

[999] I call her my husband.

[1000] I love that.

[1001] That's great.

[1002] And I'm sticking to it.

[1003] Yeah.

[1004] And how did you guys meet?

[1005] Well, we came to know of each other in social media, but the first time we actually saw each other the face -to -face was on a movie set.

[1006] But I was married and she was in a long -term relationship.

[1007] So I didn't think nothing about it, you know what I mean?

[1008] Right.

[1009] And then some years later, about four and a half years later, I was divorced.

[1010] She was out of her long -term relationship.

[1011] And we went to go eat crabs and the rest is history.

[1012] Yeah.

[1013] It's funny.

[1014] I've seen you in interviews together and you just seem so happy.

[1015] Yeah.

[1016] Which makes me happy.

[1017] Thank you, friend.

[1018] It's infectious, this happy thing.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] It's a good time.

[1021] You know, we are here.

[1022] for a good time, not a long time.

[1023] So you got to, you know, hit your wagon or something that's going to make you happy.

[1024] There's so many great sayings.

[1025] I think you've dropped like 15 great sayings.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] We should pull all of these in the episode and make bumper stickers.

[1028] I'll see that you get 8%.

[1029] That's 8%.

[1030] Not gross.

[1031] You're so generous.

[1032] I'm a really, really good guy.

[1033] You're going to see that.

[1034] Well, I can't thank you enough for coming by.

[1035] This has been just a different.

[1036] Like a shot in the arm.

[1037] You know, having you as a friend is a big deal.

[1038] You better know it.

[1039] Say that louder for the people in the back.

[1040] Say that for those kids down the hall.

[1041] I had security throw them out about half an hour ago.

[1042] I thought they've got it too good.

[1043] Well, thank you so much for being here.

[1044] And all I wish for you is more happiness and keep spreading your joy.

[1045] Keep doing your thing.

[1046] I sure will.

[1047] Thank you so much.

[1048] And please, please.

[1049] lend me the prosthetic ass because no one's ever needed it more than me. Anything for you.

[1050] Yeah, tailors are shot when they try and fit pants on me. They're like, there's literally nothing back here.

[1051] Thank you so much.

[1052] A number of weeks back, you really laid into Blay about how he was dressed, right?

[1053] And if you'll remember, we asked him to come back looking his best in a formal suit and as sober a gentleman as he could possibly Yeah, I do think there's a generation that's lost its way And they're always wearing ironic t -shirts and kooky watches and bucket hats And they're they're not kids anymore Bucket hats Yeah, you know what I mean, just the whole Blay has worked with me for a very long time I knew him when he was a kid and when his attire was appropriate But for his own sake, I thought it'd be nice if he just took a chance on dressing up And Blay, here you are, and I have to say you look fantastic I don't like this.

[1054] What do you mean?

[1055] That looks, I think he looks awesome.

[1056] You look very handsome, but this is not everyday play.

[1057] Well, okay, as you know him, but if you only knew Daniel Craig as a guy that wore...

[1058] If I only knew Daniel Craig.

[1059] Keep your nighttime fantasies out of my show.

[1060] If we only knew Daniel Craig as a guy who wore cargo pants and a who farted t -shirt, and then he suddenly dressed as James Bond one day.

[1061] day, you might feel like, I don't know about this.

[1062] But look at you, look good.

[1063] Thank you.

[1064] Thank you.

[1065] I, uh, I don't feel good.

[1066] Why?

[1067] I feel weird, man. I feel, first of all, there's, I like to be, uh, fashionable and I like to be comfortable.

[1068] There's too many clothes on.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] I'm wearing too much clothes.

[1071] Really?

[1072] Well, there's an undershirt.

[1073] Then there's this shirt.

[1074] Oh, I didn't say we're an undershirt.

[1075] Oh, who made you wear an undershirt?

[1076] Well, this is what you wear when you dress up.

[1077] You wear a suit.

[1078] You don't have to, I know, but you don't have to wear an undershirt.

[1079] Yeah, this is not Blay.

[1080] This is not the Blay.

[1081] I feel like you're about to drive me to the airport.

[1082] Thank you.

[1083] Look, look, and look, these, I don't want to, I got nice shoes on.

[1084] Look at these shoes.

[1085] You got a normal watch on.

[1086] I got a Rolex.

[1087] Wait a minute.

[1088] Where did you get the, wait a, it was a birthday present from my, from my mom.

[1089] Yeah, a little Rolex.

[1090] Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, stop the show.

[1091] Okay.

[1092] Your mother on your birthday gave you a Rolex.

[1093] Is she president?

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] What the hell?

[1096] Well, because she knows I like watches and like you.

[1097] My mother on my birthday would make me. a poached egg.

[1098] You always make fun of my watches.

[1099] And so, and so I thought I wore a nice watch.

[1100] Because you always wear watches where it's a joke.

[1101] The watch costs three dollars.

[1102] It's bright yellow.

[1103] It's made of marshmallow.

[1104] It doesn't tell time.

[1105] It's from Japan.

[1106] It's a nuclear reactor thing.

[1107] You've got to count up the minutes.

[1108] Whatever.

[1109] Yeah.

[1110] And it's how it's funny.

[1111] I can't tell time.

[1112] Yeah.

[1113] Thank you.

[1114] But your mother gave you a real list.

[1115] Yeah, for my 40th birthday.

[1116] It's a nice birthday she gave me a nice and my whole point being this is me dressed nice and I think you look great I don't think I don't see a problem I came in today every single person looked at me weird everyone's like ugh like that no first of all everyone thinks I'm either going to a funeral or presiding over a few well first of all or you're actually the body or I'm not like they just popped the casket just gave it one last check to make sure if this guy's really gone oh yep he's dead all right I don't like you neutered him.

[1117] I feel like you neutered Blake.

[1118] I think, first of all, where did you get the suit?

[1119] I got the suit at, I think, at Macy's.

[1120] Okay.

[1121] All right.

[1122] Well, it looks good.

[1123] It's a nice black suit.

[1124] It's a classic.

[1125] Thank you.

[1126] Now, I'm just going to say, Rolex watching a Macy's suit.

[1127] Well, it's, it does say made with recycled polyester on the insides, but it's by J. Ferrar, classic J. Farrar.

[1128] Okay.

[1129] Well, there's my boy.

[1130] First of all, you didn't say I have to wear a nice suit.

[1131] You just set a suit.

[1132] Also, thank you.

[1133] Yes, it's a nice suit.

[1134] It's recycled.

[1135] It's recycled, which may explain the way it doesn't feel terrific.

[1136] Okay.

[1137] It's because you're wearing 800 liquefied bottles on your back.

[1138] It is very hot.

[1139] This suit is very warm.

[1140] Okay.

[1141] Well, you chose to wear an undershirt.

[1142] That's on you.

[1143] Okay.

[1144] And can I tell you something?

[1145] There are ways to dress well.

[1146] Okay.

[1147] And, and earn the respect and of people around you without going this far.

[1148] Meaning you don't have to wear a tie.

[1149] You don't have to wear a button up shirt.

[1150] We told them to come in as formal as possible.

[1151] in his defense.

[1152] Well, we wanted to go the other end of the spectrum.

[1153] Yes, yes.

[1154] And I am just saying that I want you to consider you're not a kid anymore.

[1155] Right.

[1156] Okay.

[1157] I think, I looked it up.

[1158] I think you were born in in 1956.

[1159] It's close, yeah.

[1160] No, no. How old are you?

[1161] 45.

[1162] Okay, you're 45.

[1163] Yeah.

[1164] You're not a child.

[1165] Right.

[1166] And I do sometimes look at you and think, oh, you're, you've got the Peter Pan syndrome.

[1167] You're still dressing as a child.

[1168] And maybe that's going to influence your life negatively.

[1169] Maybe potential partners may not take you seriously.

[1170] If you go into a club, they're going to say, what's going on with this guy?

[1171] Right.

[1172] You know, why is he...

[1173] At the club.

[1174] Why is every...

[1175] Telling this guy he has Peter Pan.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] Well, but can I just...

[1178] What are you talking about?

[1179] I...

[1180] Clube fantastic.

[1181] Right, of course.

[1182] It's the greatest club, down in Melrose.

[1183] I feel like I don't want to give some, a potential partner a false bill of sale, a false falls good like they know what they're getting right they know what they're you know what they're you know it's like oh and they might like japanese watches i don't want to i don't want to attract someone who thinks i have more than one nice watch you can still wear those goofy funny watches where oh look it's a watch but guess what i have no idea what time it is right um because it has no hands it just has a face that cries sometimes i do have one that you can tell the time by feet oh yeah what's that adam part of the conversation last time was also around you know looking professional in the workplace and so that's one thing I think I think you do look really good and there have been studies that say you know if you dress for the job you perform better yes you like lose the stress of wondering what people who wear uniforms often perform better I think because they're they're like not looking at what other people are wearing thinking about with their own I've always liked in show business when people took show business seriously and dressed up when they came on a talk show I always thought that was kind of nice and and I think we have an environment here at our company people are coming in they know that Conan O 'Brien's going to be here this is no no but do you what I mean there's an expectation that people will dress up this is like the comedy Vatican no oh my god I understand what I'm saying not that I'm insane but like me being the Pope right right right right right we got it tyrannical figure yeah with only symbolic powers and then you guys no no I'm a voice of God on earth and then you guys are like Swiss guards, you know, you're there and you're holding your pikes.

[1184] And, uh, we're not even like bishops or anything.

[1185] Oh, God, no. No, you're just standing outside with those goofy axes that no one's used in over 800 years.

[1186] But Blay, um, I'm just, I think that Adam brings up a good point, which is when you dress the way that you dress, you're just going to have goofy ideas.

[1187] You're just going to want to go eat a burrito.

[1188] You're just going to go want to grab your you know your Wii controller Nintendo Switch GOMGUMG and play your game of Glorgar and all this sounds great though No no no but but you This doesn't sound like an argument I'm agreeing with you That sounds all that sounds But you can still do all those things Oh right But dress like someone Who commands my respect Wait can I say something though Yeah I think what Adam's saying is right If you work at like an accountant's office Right but if you work for the circus right?

[1189] Which we do.

[1190] Which this really is an absurd place.

[1191] The Lion Tamer is very well dressed.

[1192] The ringmaster is very well dressed.

[1193] Trapeze artists in their own way are quite elegant.

[1194] In fact, most people at the circus are very nicely dressed in their own costumes.

[1195] Let's say your job is to pick up poop.

[1196] Like you're a civil worker and you pick up poop.

[1197] You're not going to dress up in a suit when you're picking up poop.

[1198] You dress up.

[1199] But you wear a uniform.

[1200] You still wear a uniform.

[1201] Even as someone who's picking excrement from the sidewalk as they're living.

[1202] And by the way, I'm not putting that job down.

[1203] That's a real job.

[1204] I'm saying that that's my job is on this podcast.

[1205] I'm saying that I'm saying that there are certain environments that have certain.

[1206] Okay.

[1207] How about this?

[1208] How about this?

[1209] Not dressing up and wearing a suit and a tie, but Adam, as the head honcho here, the overlord, the scheming monster, the man behind the mask.

[1210] We get it.

[1211] He's a bishop.

[1212] Yeah.

[1213] I look at Adam, I look at Adam Sachs and I say Bishop material.

[1214] But what I'm saying is, what about, like, boiler suits that say Team Coco on the back?

[1215] You know what I mean?

[1216] Like coveralls?

[1217] Hold on.

[1218] Not hold on.

[1219] Not hold on.

[1220] No, that's bullshit.

[1221] Hold on.

[1222] What I'm saying is something akin to that, like what they wear at a nuclear power plant.

[1223] Yeah, I mean, doctors, nurses, they wear uniforms, you know?

[1224] What about scrubs?

[1225] No, you want to be a bond villain.

[1226] And you want us all in those, like, the army of coveralls and hard hats.

[1227] and galoshes.

[1228] Yes, I do.

[1229] I would like it if everyone, Eduardo, if we came up with something that was kind of cool, would you be up for wearing it here at Team Coco?

[1230] I'd be up for it.

[1231] I'm on Team Conan on this.

[1232] Because it would be nice.

[1233] Look at the way Eduardo's Joe Likers hat.

[1234] But if I, listen, I used to sell men's suits for a living at Mesa's actually.

[1235] But that was six months ago.

[1236] I do believe it's important to dress to impress whenever possible.

[1237] And all I'm saying is, and you know, look, I love the shirt you're wearing.

[1238] It looks fantastic.

[1239] A cranberry t -shirt that's been overwashed.

[1240] You have good memories from college.

[1241] What are you talking about?

[1242] I'm wearing.

[1243] I'm wearing.

[1244] I'm like you killed a mechanic.

[1245] And then, not at all.

[1246] This is a...

[1247] Came home to his wife and said, I'm home, honey.

[1248] What are you talking about?

[1249] I know.

[1250] Is your collar popped up?

[1251] Is it supposed to be down?

[1252] Like, what is it?

[1253] Look, I think I look.

[1254] And I'll tell you something else.

[1255] I look like I could be a film director.

[1256] No. I could be a director on a film.

[1257] You're dressed like Lenny from of mice and men.

[1258] Well, I just want to see the rabbits.

[1259] No, your blues are too close.

[1260] Okay, listen, I like to wear blue because it makes the old peepers pop and it's, and I work for Sinatra and I think it's working pretty well for me. Before we go, Adam, I do think, I want to pursue this idea.

[1261] I want to see if we can find something that the men and the women are all okay with wearing that's a kind of a standard uniform.

[1262] And then I want us, the cameras to be rolling when we break this to Andy Richter.

[1263] And we watch him physically beat the shit out of me. Well, that's interesting.

[1264] Yeah.

[1265] There's pretty interesting.

[1266] There's going to be standard.

[1267] I'll wear something consistently as a Bond villain does.

[1268] The Bond villain...

[1269] Oh, right.

[1270] Like a Nauru jacket.

[1271] Like, yeah, I would wear like a Nairroo jacket and I'd have like a fake white cap that I'd had.

[1272] But then you guys would...

[1273] I'd do it for that.

[1274] But I'd I do think there's something that we should investigate.

[1275] There might be a great way.

[1276] And also, what about young people that are just starting out here, working out here, and they're brand new employees?

[1277] Maybe they have to wear the boiler suit.

[1278] But then there's a, it's like the Army.

[1279] Then there's a rank above that.

[1280] But we wear a uniform.

[1281] I'm starting to get on with us.

[1282] Oh, I'm not.

[1283] Okay.

[1284] Go ahead.

[1285] John Wick, you know how, like, the people that work patching the telephone calls?

[1286] Yes.

[1287] They have a very style.

[1288] And then the Continental has the tone style.

[1289] Guess what?

[1290] I love, I mean, I love the John Witt films.

[1291] I would, first of all, you're dressed a la John Wic right now.

[1292] And that's why I think it looks cool.

[1293] I love the John Wick style.

[1294] So what we're talking about is like tiers of the utilitarian people, the administrative, the talent.

[1295] And they're all thematically linked, but they have their own specific look.

[1296] Are you into it now?

[1297] I'm getting there.

[1298] Okay.

[1299] And and this would be paid for by the company.

[1300] You would come in, you would get your standard issue.

[1301] You wouldn't leave in your uniform.

[1302] You'd come here.

[1303] and change into your uniform.

[1304] We'd have lockers and we'd change into them.

[1305] And I'm not even kidding.

[1306] I'm not even kidding.

[1307] We'd change into them.

[1308] And Sona, you would have to go to your locker and change your clothes.

[1309] I don't want to do that.

[1310] Well, you're going to do it and I'm going to be there when it happens.

[1311] Oh, God.

[1312] No. No, I honestly, no, no, no. You won't see me there.

[1313] There'll be a window.

[1314] There'll be a window that only I'm allowed to look through.

[1315] And again, I haven't, I don't, I don't read the page.

[1316] papers much and I don't go online much, but I don't see any problem in today's society with me having a little peeky window.

[1317] Anyway, Adam, get on this.

[1318] Productivity is going to be in the roof.

[1319] It's going to go through the roof.

[1320] We're going to figure it out.

[1321] I took a class in college on costume design, so we can, I can work some things up.

[1322] You know what, guess what?

[1323] If Garley's in, I mean, I'm, I don't want to do anything to dissuade Matt Gorley.

[1324] I want you in on this.

[1325] So yes, you can have a final say.

[1326] I promise.

[1327] Final say?

[1328] Okay, done.

[1329] I'm in.

[1330] Are you kidding?

[1331] Well, looks like I did it.

[1332] We win.

[1333] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley.

[1334] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[1335] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Rossett, Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1336] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1337] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1338] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1339] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1340] Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

[1341] Additional production support by Mars Melnick.

[1342] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1343] Got a question for Conan?

[1344] Call the Team Coco hotline at 669 -587 -2847, and leave a message.

[1345] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1346] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.