MFM Minisode 305

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minisode.

[3] Where we read you your stories.

[4] You sent them to us, and so we're going to read them to you.

[5] That's right.

[6] You want to go first?

[7] Sure, I'll go first.

[8] Spooky Library Story.

[9] Hey, Murder Queens, you can call me Kay, he, him, and I used to work at a creepy, haunted library.

[10] Picture it, a five -story brick of a building where every floor is its own little world.

[11] First floor was reception, circulation, where I worked with my very cool, hippie -dippy bosses, think -tie shirts, and peculiarly decorated cubbies.

[12] Second floor was magazines.

[13] Third floor was where all the books and spooky vibes lived.

[14] Just an entire floor of shelves and nooks and crannies for weird shuffling sounds to hide.

[15] You get the idea.

[16] So one day before closing, I had the usual task of taking the book cart up to reshelve.

[17] We stayed open pretty late, being a campus library, but not many people linger.

[18] typically since this was a smaller campus.

[19] I remember this particular day I'd already had a bad feeling circling around me. Being a longtime true crime fan, pre -your podcast times, I didn't like going up there at night because it's so secluded, you never knew who could be hiding amongst the stacks.

[20] We've had a couple library stories like this where hidden people are a fear of librarians.

[21] And if something bad were to happen, I don't think help would reach you quickly in the maze of sound muffling books.

[22] But alas, work is work and spooky vibes as not a good enough excuse to the head honchos.

[23] Anyway, I was near the end of my shelving duties when the last book took me to the occult aisle.

[24] Here are the dark energies surrounding my thoughts kicked into overdrive.

[25] I got a heavy, oppressive feeling as if I was being watched.

[26] And something told me not to go down that aisle, but I shrugged it off and committed to my task.

[27] My wise old Mexican grandma taught me to ignore evil spirits so you don't give them power.

[28] So I walked to the end of the aisle and placed the book snugly where it belonged without touching anything else and hurriedly walked back to get the F out of there when from behind me a thunk sound made me stop.

[29] I turned to see a book on the floor of where I had just been standing.

[30] I looked but no one else was around, even vending down like people do in horror movies, to see if there's any other legs about.

[31] I hesitantly walked back, my OCD not allowing me to leave the book where it fell, picked up the book, turned it over to see what it was, only to be met with, I kid you not, big archaic -looking letters that said one word, death.

[32] Shills ran down my spine.

[33] I put the book away and got the heck off that floor.

[34] I told everyone downstairs what happened to me, and of course they just laughed.

[35] Was it an odd coincidence or some maligned spirit trying to shoe me away?

[36] Whatever it was, stay sexy and heed the warning signs.

[37] Love to you and the spooky crew, Kay.

[38] Spooky.

[39] Wow.

[40] Fuck that.

[41] I'm not going to go to a library at night.

[42] Yeah.

[43] Okay, this one's called Two Titanic Family Stories and Family Kismet question mark.

[44] Hey, y 'all.

[45] I've been chewing at the bit for y 'all to cover the Titanic because I have two family stories relating to it.

[46] Some names are changed.

[47] You're omitted for protection.

[48] I'm not sure how much clearance I got to share this.

[49] My aunt and dad told me it was okay, though.

[50] That seems like plenty of clearance.

[51] Mm -hmm.

[52] I made sure to ask my aunt to share some information so I could be as accurate, and her anecdotes will be in quotations.

[53] On my father's side, my great -grandfather Joe, but everyone called him Pops, was supposed to actually work on the HMS Titanic as a fourth -class worker.

[54] He lived in County Cork, Ireland, at the time, but due to the aftermath of the Irish famine, he wanted to move our family to America, but didn't have enough money for a fair.

[55] So he arranged a deal with the White Star Line that he would shovel coal for three journeys to pay for tickets for his family on another vessel, and they would essentially drop him and his family off in New York.

[56] Family legend goes, he narrowly avoided working for the Titanic, but by some string of luck ended up working for the Olympic.

[57] Quote, but take without with a grain of salt, you know how the Irish like to embellish, and all I know that man is from legend.

[58] Unknown to Joe's family, but as he was shoveling coal to pay for his family's fare to America on the Olympic, one ship away and four stories up in the Titanic's first class was the ancestor of another family member.

[59] In the first class of the Titanic, Benjamin Guggenheim, my great uncle was on the ship, living life, and whining and dining with a woman he brought with him.

[60] This woman was not his wife, but his mistress.

[61] Benjamin had left his wife in New York to take care of his two children at the time.

[62] Quote, he notably dressed in his fine dining along with Mr. Rockefeller and drank fine bourbon until he went under.

[63] Additionally, my grandfather Joe, making the journey three times was actually very common for workers to earn passage, as I have found for my own research and experience at the Titanic Museum.

[64] Once he was in New York, they became citizens and soon moved to New Jersey, where many years later, a descendant of one of Benjamin Guggenheim met my aunt and got married.

[65] Crazy to think how years ago that the coal shoveler and the first -class passenger families would have come together.

[66] My aunt and the descendant didn't work out, but they had two awesome kids that are my older cousins who I love dearly and I'm always so happy to see what they accomplish in life.

[67] Thank you so much if you read this.

[68] I hope you'll have a great day and thank you for being the voices in my head while I get my master's in biological ecology.

[69] Much love Emma, she, they.

[70] I mean, what a history had passed.

[71] Yeah.

[72] Double the Titanic.

[73] All over that Titanic.

[74] That's right.

[75] Stem to Stern, as they might say in shipping, in the shipping circles.

[76] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[77] Absolutely.

[78] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[79] Exactly.

[80] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[81] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[82] That's right.

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[84] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

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[89] Connect with customers in line and online.

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[91] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[92] important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[93] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[94] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[95] Goodbye.

[96] The subject line of this email is how I became a suspect in a Canadian money laundering scandal at 17 years old.

[97] It just starts warning.

[98] The following contains a lighthearted cold case and a significant amount of teenage naivete.

[99] Hi, everyone.

[100] Love you dearly.

[101] Let's jump in.

[102] It is my senior year of high school, and I am giddy about the idea of throwing my private all -girls school kilt in the dumpster and starting my new and improved life in college.

[103] But before I could enter the world of co -ed dorms and Malibu rum, I needed a summer job.

[104] So I signed up for care .com.

[105] Within a few days, I received a message from a nice lady who was moving from Canada to my suburban town outside Philadelphia for her husband's job.

[106] In broken English, she explained how I would be looking after her infant.

[107] son, grocery shopping and doing chores around the house, typical nanny stuff.

[108] She was even offering me $25 an hour.

[109] In today's money, so much Malibu Rome.

[110] So I quickly accepted the position and we exchanged phone numbers through the app.

[111] With her big move only a week away, she informed me that she would be sending me a cashier's check in the mail to use for groceries on my first day.

[112] My parents thought the check seemed a bit unnecessary, but I calmed their suspicion.

[113] with everything will be fine.

[114] Everything would not be fine.

[115] Soon enough, the cashier's check arrived in the mail for somewhere around $2 ,500 for groceries.

[116] My parents now panicking launched into a heated debate over whether or not to call a lawyer.

[117] I sat quietly at the kitchen table rolling my eyes at the theatrics playing out in front of me. I remember thinking, it was probably a mistake.

[118] I'll just text the lady and clear this up.

[119] But suddenly my texts wouldn't go through and the number had been disconnected.

[120] Oh, good.

[121] The next day, I came home from another uneventful day of high school to a police officer standing in my kitchen.

[122] Tears in my eyes, I immediately offered up my phone and personal belongings, which the officer assured me was completely unnecessary as I was convinced I was getting arrested.

[123] The officer explained how this is not the first report of an adult man creating fake profiles and carrying out money laundering schemes by targeting sites like care .com, to send fraudulent cashier's checks to America.

[124] My teenage naivete had made me the perfect target.

[125] An investigation was conducted, but the phone number was untraceable, and the care .com profile had been completely removed, so unfortunately the creep was never caught.

[126] I did go on to Nanny that summer for a wonderfully kind family that was recommended to me by a word of mouth, and now I lived to tell the tale as a warning of how dangerous the internet can be.

[127] I am forever grateful for my parents' quick response to what would have been a very bad, situation and for not having to get a mugshot in that unflattering private school polo shirt.

[128] So essentially, that person was going to ask her to launder money for her?

[129] Yeah, I think they were going to, they send you a fake cashier's check.

[130] They say, go cash it.

[131] You send them the money that you got from it before the bank realizes the cashier's check was fake or whatever it was.

[132] So you get screwed and you're up, you know, you have to pay back the money.

[133] You're the one that actually did the crime.

[134] Exactly.

[135] Yeah.

[136] Yeah, and you owe the money.

[137] Thank you for everything you do.

[138] I get that co -ed dorm and cheap alcohol giddiness.

[139] Every time a new season is released, every time a new episode is released, stay sexy.

[140] And when you get involved in a Canadian money laundering scandal, call your parents.

[141] Love CP.

[142] Man, it's so easy to get wrapped up in a scam like that.

[143] It's just, you don't even think twice about it.

[144] I remember, like, when I was looking for apartments once and there was just the same.

[145] one that was so good, and now looking back, too good to be true, but it was like, we just need your social security.

[146] We're just going to do a background check on you now because we love you.

[147] And I needed the apartment so badly.

[148] I almost said, okay.

[149] And a friend was like, don't fucking, like just, I would have never even thought twice about it.

[150] Right.

[151] Yes.

[152] Yeah.

[153] And then your parents or your smarter friend comes in and it's like, don't do that.

[154] I also just, I'm sure I watched a TikTok, but somebody said, if somebody is trying to get you to do something like that quickly, like they're like, do it right now, you have to do it now.

[155] That's how you know they're, they're scamming you somehow.

[156] Because if they, it's like, okay, I'll get you my social security number tomorrow.

[157] Right.

[158] And they would be fine with it if it wasn't.

[159] Well, you'd never give anyone your social security number.

[160] But it's like, but if you can put it off a couple days and they're still normal, then at least, you know, they're not scamming you right this second.

[161] Rushing you.

[162] This one's called, I promise.

[163] didn't make this up.

[164] This is actually a true crime one.

[165] Greetings MFFM family.

[166] For over a year now, I've been thinking about what I might be able to contribute to hometowns.

[167] And oh boy, when this story hit me as an idea, it was more exciting than Christmas morning.

[168] Buckle your seatbelts, everyone.

[169] I grew up in a little cascade range mountain town called North Bend, located 25 miles east of Seattle.

[170] The town itself is tucked into a valley between Mount Sai and Rattlesnake Mountain.

[171] It's a pretty damn touristy town, many city dwellers come to hike up to rattlesnake ledge or gawk at Tweed's Cafe, the famous cafe featured in the show Twin Peaks.

[172] If you're familiar with Twin Peaks from the early 90s, it was filmed right here in North Bend, Washington.

[173] When I tell people I'm from North Bend, I'll often get the response, oh, so you're from Twin Peaks, and I just say yes.

[174] Back in April of 2012, news came out that a woman, her daughter, and their dog were murdered in their home, which was then set on fire.

[175] The woman's husband, Peter Keller, skipping the fake name things as it's all over the World Wide Web at this point, was missing an action, which obviously highlighted him as the prime suspect.

[176] Six days after the double homicide, I was out and about at the outlet mall with my mom.

[177] As soon as we stepped foot out of the Nike store, we were taken aback by the site of helicopters swarming Rattlesnake Mountain.

[178] To tack on to the recent news that had already shook our town to its core, information was released that Peter Keller was found dead on Rattlesnake Mountain.

[179] A crew of SWAT team members and local deputies found his body in an underground bunker where he fled right after murdering his family and igniting his house.

[180] He took his own life with a shot to the head.

[181] You're probably wondering what the hell is up with this bunker.

[182] To spice up the story even more, turns out Peter Keller constructed it to serve as a shelter in protecting him from the end of the world.

[183] Reports say it took him at least eight years to build.

[184] Connecting some dots here, this event all occurred in 2012, which is a year that many people believed to be the end for all of us.

[185] With that being said, I'm going to take a guess that the timing on this horrific acts were intentionally aligned with the whole 2012 Armageddon theory.

[186] Yeah.

[187] This man literally stored food, guns, survival supplies, and a buttload of cash all in a shack that he built into the ground.

[188] It was said that he planned this entire series of events years before he took initial action and killing his family.

[189] Can you imagine eight years waiting and knowing you're going to kill your family.

[190] So that was the plan all along?

[191] Like he was a, it was familiar side or whatever we call that?

[192] It sounds like maybe he wasn't going to take his own life and that just changed.

[193] But eight years.

[194] I was a freshman in high school at this time and was five years younger than Peter's daughter, Kaleen.

[195] I did not know her or his wife myself, but some of my peers did.

[196] It was quite eye -opening to see individuals around me that were personally affected by this tragic story.

[197] Stay sexy and don't underestimate those fearing the end of the world, Amanda.

[198] I mean, that's great advice, Amanda, very heavy.

[199] Yeah.

[200] Heavy advice.

[201] Heavy.

[202] And just like for a small town, too.

[203] That's just so, so much.

[204] Okay, here's my last one.

[205] It's the subject line is short and sweet grandma behaving badly.

[206] Dear girls on my murder podcast, I've been sitting on this story for a while, and since you asked for bad grandparent stories, I figure now is the time.

[207] My step -grandpa, Dell, had one brother, John.

[208] and that brother had a daughter name unknown, so we'll call her Jill.

[209] When Jill was around 12, she died in a house fire.

[210] She was buried in a cemetery.

[211] A few years later, her father, John, dies in a car accident.

[212] He wanted to be cremated, but his ex -wife knew he would want to be with his young daughter as well.

[213] So one night, my grandma Arlene, step -grandpa and the brother's ex -wife, snuck into the cemetery.

[214] They dug a little hole near her plot and buried.

[215] the cremated remains.

[216] Wow.

[217] I must have looked horrified because my grandma said, it's not like we dug up our grave and we put the grass back to make it look like it.

[218] We didn't dig a hole.

[219] And then just the sign -off is stay sexy and don't dig up graves.

[220] Oh, my God.

[221] Should he sure it's illegal to dig a hole in a cemetery.

[222] Yeah, they don't want.

[223] Just people going in there and making adjustments on their own.

[224] They frown upon that.

[225] My father almost poisoned us, lighthearted.

[226] Hey friends, if I remember correctly, I believe at one point you were looking for stories of times when our parents almost killed us.

[227] I'm very late to write this story in, but hopefully you'll still get to read it and get a kick out of it.

[228] Five years ago, my dad had begun his midlife crisis and had started partying with his friends a little too much.

[229] I wonder how old he was, midlife.

[230] I wonder what that means to people.

[231] Like in his 40s maybe?

[232] Is that midlife?

[233] Oh, man. It is.

[234] Once after a heavy night of drinking, my dad returned turned early that morning and decided that he would make the whole family a big breakfast.

[235] Drunk big breakfast.

[236] He worked hard in the kitchen making his girls a delicious breakfast of hash browns, bacon, eggs, and of course, pancakes.

[237] Dad had always taken pride in making his pancakes from scratch rather than from a box.

[238] Of course, no judgment to those that prefer the mix from a box.

[239] Thank you.

[240] That's me. I didn't even realize you could make them from scratch.

[241] Like, I was just like, sorry, wait, how else would you?

[242] How else would you make them besides just dumping out some disk -quick?

[243] Oh, yeah.

[244] Well, just flour, baking soda, baking powder.

[245] That's all the box is, really, right?

[246] It's just pre -mixed.

[247] Got it.

[248] Dry ingredients, yeah.

[249] But I wouldn't.

[250] I couldn't do it if you asked me. It seems very scary to me. When breakfast was ready, my sister was the first to excitedly dish up.

[251] As my sister sat down and began feasting on her food, she looked at my mom, concerned, and told her that her pancakes tasted weird.

[252] The pancakes taste clean, she stated.

[253] Oh.

[254] We all gave a confused look to my dad who assured us that's just this new vanilla I'm trying out.

[255] My sister shrugged her shoulders and continued eating not one but two pancakes.

[256] I then started to dish myself up and as I went to the fridge to grab some ketchup and maple syrup, I noticed a bottle of pine salt on the shelf in the refrigerator.

[257] No. Why is the pine salt in the fridge, I asked?

[258] We all looked around confused at each other.

[259] Our confusion quickly turned to concern when it finally clicked.

[260] My dad had mistakenly grabbed the bottle of pine salt instead of the cooking oil.

[261] Same bottle.

[262] Which totally fucking looks the same.

[263] I wonder if those are literally like the same bottle from the same factory.

[264] Manufacture?

[265] Maybe.

[266] And it's the same color.

[267] See, like a yellow one.

[268] And the only reason we had caught onto the fact was because he had accidentally put the oil in the fridge instead of the cupboard.

[269] A double accident, really.

[270] So he was so drunk.

[271] He also put the oil away in the fridge, which it doesn't belong there.

[272] But thank God, otherwise she wouldn't have noticed it.

[273] And everyone would have fucking eaten it.

[274] My sister initially started dramatically coughing and grabbing her throat, exclaiming, I think I can feel my throat closing up.

[275] My mother called Poison Control, and they assured us that the amount that would be diluted into the pancake she ate, was nowhere near enough to kill her, as he'd only used two tablespoons for the whole batch of pancakes.

[276] After we were certain my sister's throat was not, she still ate motherfucking pine cell.

[277] It's like, well, you don't want to eat pine cell.

[278] He's still ate pine cell.

[279] You're just not dying.

[280] You're just not dying.

[281] Not dying and living after eating pinezole pancakes are, it's a world apart.

[282] Like you're not poison, but maybe something else.

[283] There's other bodily harm.

[284] I wouldn't you just throw up?

[285] Yeah.

[286] That's where the epaq comes in, I think.

[287] That's why you got to have that on hand.

[288] Yeah.

[289] After we were certain my sister's throat was in fact not closing up and she was fine.

[290] We all couldn't stop laughing.

[291] That's a fun family.

[292] Dad then decided that he maybe still be slightly intoxicated and put himself back to bed.

[293] Why my parents kept the pine sole in the same cupboard as the cooking oil is still beyond me. Yeah, let's change that immediately.

[294] Yeah.

[295] My father passed away unexpectedly in July of this year.

[296] I am currently expecting my first child, what would have been his first grandchild.

[297] He was so very excited when we told him we were expecting.

[298] He kept shaking my husband's hand and hugging me, saying, thank you so much.

[299] I've been waiting so long for this.

[300] Oh, I know.

[301] It came off kind of cringy, but it was still very cute to see him so excited.

[302] My heart breaks knowing that my children won't get the opportunity to meet their grandpa, as he hoped to be called.

[303] But memories like this one and many others always put a smile on my face, and I can't wait to tell my kids what kind of man their grandpa was.

[304] Though I may save this story in particular for when they're a much older, lull.

[305] Stay sexy and keep your cooking oil and Pinesall in separate locations and cherish your time and memories with your parents, Avery.

[306] Did Avery say what year it was that this happened?

[307] They said it was five years ago.

[308] Oh.

[309] So not that long ago.

[310] Because that, to me, every detail of that story is 1978.

[311] Yeah.

[312] Pinesall.

[313] Like, do people still use Pinesall?

[314] They only did in 1970s.

[315] I think this is, like, would be an amazing commercial for Pinesall because it's been a stalwart cleaning item for, what, 250 years, it seems like?

[316] And it doesn't kill you if you eat some.

[317] That's right.

[318] It'll be fine.

[319] And it'll make your fan.

[320] It'll be a good family legend to talk about at some point, too.

[321] These pancakes taste clean.

[322] They taste clean, like lemony.

[323] Isn't pineal lemony?

[324] Ew.

[325] It's piney.

[326] It's piney.

[327] Oh, my God.

[328] Send us your stories about when you almost got poison and it didn't actually happen.

[329] Or you did get poison, but everything was okay.

[330] Or your dad either did an amazing breakfast or the worst breakfast of all time.

[331] Because dad's doing like, I'm going to cook Sunday morning breakfast can be a real event.

[332] How about drunk parent stories?

[333] We have drunk kids stories.

[334] Let's do drunk parent stories.

[335] Let's absolutely.

[336] Well, you know what?

[337] I'll start it off.

[338] The one that me and my sister loved the most.

[339] And it just happened very recently, like within the last five years, was my dad and my sister were at, was some family party, maybe it was like a wedding, so we didn't know half the people there.

[340] And at one point, my sister and my dad went to leave.

[341] And of course, my dad loves to drink with his family and brothers.

[342] So he's pretty buzzed, but not like, you know, he can still speak and he's, you know, walking on his own.

[343] Yeah.

[344] You know, he's just a drinker.

[345] And they get into this elevator and there's a woman on the elevator with like big, jangly bracelets and huge earrings and like a really printed outfit, like a real outfit.

[346] And my dad walks it up to the elevator, stares at her and goes, are you Dutch?

[347] You're going to say Stevie Nix or something like that.

[348] Are you Dutch?

[349] Where does it even come from?

[350] I've no fucking idea.

[351] My sister said she was so embarrassed.

[352] And so like, then they were entering the elevator.

[353] So then they had to then ride the elevator with the Dutch lady.

[354] Oh, embarrassing drunk parents.

[355] please send us your stories at My Favorite Murder at Gmail.

[356] And stay sexy.

[357] And don't get murdered.

[358] Goodbye.

[359] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[360] This has been an exactly right production.

[361] Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Kreiton.

[362] Our producer is Alejandra Keck.

[363] This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.

[364] Our researchers are Marin McClashon and Gemma Harris.

[365] Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to My Favorite Murder at Gmail .com.

[366] Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook.

[367] at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.

[368] Goodbye.

[369] Follow My Favorite Murder on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen so you don't miss an episode.

[370] If you like what you hear, rate and review the show.

[371] Visit exactly right store .com to purchase my favorite murder merch.