Pre Bottled Urine

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[1] Want to talk to Conan?

[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Conan meet Chloe.

[5] Hey, Chloe.

[6] How are you?

[7] I'm great.

[8] How are you?

[9] Chill chums.

[10] I'm good now.

[11] Yeah, I'm feeding off your enthusiasm.

[12] Wow, look at that.

[13] You've spelled out chill chums in letters on your wall behind you.

[14] Yes, yes.

[15] I pulled a sona and dipped out of work five hours.

[16] early to decorate so.

[17] Oh, Chloe.

[18] Chloe, I love you.

[19] A good Sona Slam is always...

[20] Yes.

[21] I love Sona, though.

[22] She's my spirit animal.

[23] Oh, I love you too.

[24] Chloe, that's nice.

[25] Can a person be your spirit animal?

[26] Is that possible?

[27] Maybe.

[28] Hopefully.

[29] Yeah.

[30] I feel it.

[31] That's so cool.

[32] Yeah.

[33] I feel like, I don't know.

[34] I hope the exclamation point may not be as chill, but, you know.

[35] Yeah, chill chums exclamation points.

[36] A little like you're yelling at.

[37] you're angrily yelling it right um chloe tell me a little bit about yourself because i i love meeting the people out there that listen to us that have that kind of patience and level of self -esteem uh tell tell me what's your last name chloe uh bora like like borah borah but half the fun you know oh wow okay wow you've got a whole club act worked out i know i've tried that out a couple times i'm not going to lie so that was like no no it's good it's good when you Get something that works for you.

[38] You stick with it.

[39] Yeah, that's very good.

[40] So what do you do?

[41] What do you do for a living?

[42] What's your trade, so to speak?

[43] So I'm a copywriter, so I write Instagram captions.

[44] For what?

[45] For Abercrombie.

[46] Abercrombie and Fitch.

[47] Yeah.

[48] Oh, you write that?

[49] That's really good that copy.

[50] Yeah.

[51] I swear to God, I'm not kidding.

[52] I was not being like snarky or facetious.

[53] The Abercrombie and Fitch, that's really nice stuff.

[54] and when I read the descriptions, I'm drawn in.

[55] Oh, wow.

[56] I mean, late at night, if you're on the Abercrombie and Fitch site, and you get pulled, I mean, I go on some sites.

[57] Are you on it late at night?

[58] Yeah, what are you doing?

[59] What are you doing on the site?

[60] And you're just reading the copy?

[61] Yeah.

[62] I really like the copy.

[63] I could tell it was written.

[64] Abercrombie and Fitch.

[65] Listen, listen, there's some attractive people in there.

[66] You know, I thought maybe it was possible to contact.

[67] them through the site.

[68] It's not.

[69] Honestly, Conan, you could be a model for them.

[70] I could see it.

[71] Oh, really?

[72] Yeah.

[73] No one's, that's, that's very nice of you, Chloe.

[74] But I've been on this planet a long time and no one's ever said you could model without then revealing that it's one of those prank shows.

[75] Hey, hey, it's all about personality these days anyway, so.

[76] Oh.

[77] Well, why did you say that, Chloe?

[78] Well, then in that case, you can't be a movie.

[79] Chloe.

[80] Chloe, why didn't you stick with that double down and go those cheekbones, those piercing eyes.

[81] The pompadour.

[82] The pompadour.

[83] Your rakeish gaze.

[84] Why couldn't you have double down?

[85] You immediately abandoned.

[86] I could be a model and went, it's all about personality.

[87] What's your favorite?

[88] Have you written any copy recently that you really loved or for a product that you really loved?

[89] Not that I can think of at the top of my head.

[90] It's all, I mean, it is a very fun job.

[91] I like, I, like, I really like to kind of be the voice or you know try to yeah it's just i i've always loved storytelling so to kind of like storytelling and i love it personally if you could do this i love it when they talk about a sweater and they start talking about it as if it's a food you know what i mean like the warm oatmeal marino wool you know and then sometimes they uh they say uh you know they keep talking about the sweater and you swear to god like you're hungrier after they're done talking about it Yes.

[92] No, that's that's the magic of words.

[93] And it's, it's so funny because I feel like I'm really good at writing words.

[94] But when it comes to like speaking them, it's all just alphabet soup.

[95] Like it's.

[96] Well, no, that's not true.

[97] So far you're speaking very well.

[98] But many famous writers were terrible at speaking.

[99] Yeah.

[100] Very famously.

[101] You know, Herman Melville, when he opened his mouth, people just assumed he was a moron, a complete fool.

[102] That's not true.

[103] I just made that up to make you.

[104] feel better.

[105] That does make me feel a lot better.

[106] Thank you.

[107] Good confidence.

[108] Self -esteem.

[109] Yeah.

[110] Shakespeare, apparently, every time he opened his mouth, it was just a lot of...

[111] Just a lot of...

[112] Just a lot of gibberish.

[113] Yeah, a lot of like, duh, he'd go write play.

[114] And then when he'd sit down and, oh my God.

[115] Just the beautiful language.

[116] And then they'd say, how's it going, Shakespeare?

[117] I write good play.

[118] I write words.

[119] So don't worry about that.

[120] So what do you like to do?

[121] Obviously, you enjoy occasionally listening to our podcast, which we appreciate.

[122] But tell me more about yourself, Chloe.

[123] So I've definitely been trying to make the most of my time during quarantine and pick up some new hobbies.

[124] And most of which I quickly dropped just as fast as I picked them up.

[125] You don't see it through?

[126] No. I kind of, well, the heart's there, you know.

[127] I give it my all for like five seconds.

[128] And then it's like, okay, on to the next thing.

[129] I don't know.

[130] Like, give me an example.

[131] What are we talking about?

[132] And please don't say adopt a child.

[133] Oh, no. Although I did get a, I did get a dog, though.

[134] I did get a dog.

[135] Oh, no, no, no, no. Did it stick, though?

[136] Did it stick?

[137] Yeah, yeah, he's still alive, which is great.

[138] I can't say.

[139] Okay.

[140] Now you sound like you've got, you're holding a ransom.

[141] Don't worry.

[142] Don't worry.

[143] He's still alive, but unless my terms are met, is the dog with you and well.

[144] He is.

[145] He's currently eating some peanut, butter off of a toy so that he doesn't disrupt our pod party.

[146] I'll, I'm going to pick him up real quick.

[147] I do think I hear a, yeah.

[148] I heard someone munching peanut butter on the floor and I just thought, oh, he's a, is he a, is he a, is he a, is he a pug?

[149] What is he?

[150] Yeah, as God made him.

[151] As God made him.

[152] As God made him, what is his name?

[153] Freddy.

[154] Oh, hey Freddy, how are you?

[155] Freddie looked excited, so the way to calm Freddy down is to give Freddie a load of peanut butter.

[156] That'll do it.

[157] Yes, yes.

[158] A lot of snacks.

[159] He's, you know, he's my trusty sidekick.

[160] But, you know, he sleeps on the job, eats too much snacks.

[161] Well, maybe you're feeding him a lot of snacks.

[162] I have to say when my son was born and we had two kids, it was tough to look after him all the time.

[163] And so I would used to just put just big strips of pork fat down on the floor and he would just nibble on it.

[164] And he'd be quiet for hours Keep him busy, yeah.

[165] Yeah, yeah.

[166] Now, he's 800 pounds for myself.

[167] We take him around in a wheelbarrow, but he's happy.

[168] Hey, that's all that matters.

[169] Yeah, it doesn't destroy me during phone calls.

[170] So you've got a dog.

[171] I'm glad you stuck to that.

[172] What are the things you've ditched?

[173] What are the hobbies you've tried that you've ditched?

[174] Well, I used to be an avid runner, but I kind of go through phases.

[175] So I just bought a pair of new running shoes and still haven't put them on.

[176] and running them.

[177] So there's that.

[178] I tried the whole baking bread thing, but I think I'll switch to churning butter instead.

[179] I wouldn't do any of that.

[180] Why are you picking these 18th century hobbies?

[181] And I'm going to get some leeches.

[182] I'm going to drop blood out of people.

[183] The new juice cleanse, you know.

[184] Do you own a butter churn?

[185] No, I should.

[186] I should buy one of those.

[187] I should.

[188] Do you think they have them on Amazon, probably?

[189] They have everything on Amazon.

[190] You can get a butter churn.

[191] I think I should do that.

[192] It must be the overalls, I think.

[193] This was unintention.

[194] Yeah, you're dressed.

[195] You've committed to real farmers, I'm describing to our audience at home, you've committed to real farmers overalls with the strap.

[196] And, but I like that it clashes with you're wearing very bright red, like beats headphones, it looks like.

[197] Oh, yeah.

[198] So it's clear, I like what you're doing is the clash, which is, yeah, I've got these super, cool, bright red, modern headphones, but also I might be a soy farmer, you know, from like another century.

[199] Yes, I'm like, oh, beautiful.

[200] Oh, look, you got, we just, Mr. Gorley just found butter churns.

[201] There are plenty of butter churns online.

[202] Get a butter churn.

[203] Oh, that's lovely.

[204] Yeah, they've got some primary color ones that would match your headphones too, so you could have both things going.

[205] I love that.

[206] Thanks, Gourley.

[207] Would you really use a butter churn?

[208] I'd probably give it a go but I have like really weak arms so I feel like it would just be like arm day.

[209] What do you have weak arms?

[210] What are you talking about?

[211] Chicken wings for arms.

[212] I've been trying to work out during quarantine and it's not obviously going well.

[213] You don't have your very attractive young person and you have the commensurate strength of a young you know person so no you're not, what do you mean I have weak arms.

[214] I couldn't churn butter.

[215] If people had that attitude, we'd all, we wouldn't exist, none of us.

[216] That's so true.

[217] It was, you can't have that attitude.

[218] You've got to get a butter churn.

[219] You saw, some of them are very reasonable.

[220] Yeah.

[221] There's some reasonable prices there.

[222] And you could get a butter churn, and the next time I talk to you, I want you to be churning butter.

[223] I will, there's a whole time.

[224] Yeah.

[225] With massive pop -by arms.

[226] Yes.

[227] I have the tattoos to match it.

[228] I like the tattoos.

[229] The tattoos are very cool.

[230] Thank you.

[231] So, you know, maybe, there's some way that I can help you.

[232] Yes.

[233] Yeah, do you have a question for Conan?

[234] Yeah, yeah.

[235] I want to know, like, what's been, you know, obviously this has been just a crazy time for everyone.

[236] But what's been your happiest memory this year?

[237] Hmm.

[238] Happiest memory this year.

[239] You know what?

[240] I'm going to say that my happiest memory was during, like, the height of COVID in the winter when we all had Christmas break.

[241] This isn't a funny answer, but it's an honest answer.

[242] And when you can't be funny, just be honest.

[243] I love it.

[244] You know, we couldn't fly and we wanted to be responsible.

[245] So we took a road trip, and so my wife and my two kids and I jammed into a car, and we drove, like, for two days, I think it was a two -and -a -half -day trip, and we drove, you know, we're in Los Angeles, so we drove northeast just to get up, like, into the mountains and the snow and I was remembering that oh my, I haven't done a road trip since I was, I think, 22 and before that when I was a kid and, you know, because everything else now has been flying, obviously and we couldn't do that, so I loved that.

[246] I, you know, stopping off at gas stations buying, you know, beef jerky and cheese popcorn and making that a meal and drinking it with like Dr. Pepper and all the, chic stuff you're supposed to eat to take care of yourself for wellness all goes out the window when you're in a car so you can break every rule and we had a blast we really had a good time and so I'm going to say it was because of this pandemic I took a road trip that I wouldn't have otherwise taken and maybe in its own way that was the most important journey I ever took wow that's beautiful sorry I threw that in at the Yanks I realized I'm talking to a really good copywriter I needed to add to it that You know, it was, it was about the journey, not the destination, to quote Aerosmith, quoting someone else.

[247] Well, come on.

[248] Come on.

[249] Pull out more cliche.

[250] Well, I'm just saying with, you know, each mile, I feel like we accrued more than just mileage.

[251] There was a wisdom that came with each mile of asphalt.

[252] There was another drip of knowledge that leached into my soul.

[253] And I do mean leached.

[254] Can you leach into or you more a leach out of?

[255] don't leach into.

[256] That's true.

[257] Did the journey of a thousand steps start with?

[258] It did.

[259] It did.

[260] I realized, I remember my wife before we started, said, how are we going to make this journey for this, you know, 900 miles?

[261] And I said, the journey of 900 miles will begin with the first mile.

[262] And then she divorced me. She divorced me in the car.

[263] I didn't realize you can do it.

[264] There's an app you can get on your phone.

[265] She divorced me instantly.

[266] But then in Vegas, we got remarriage.

[267] Oh, there you go.

[268] Did you pee in a bottle?

[269] What's that?

[270] Oh.

[271] Did you pee in a bottle?

[272] I wanted to, but I wasn't sure that I thought I might get nervous.

[273] So I brought pre -bottled urine just so that I could have it in the park.

[274] Oh, yeah.

[275] Yum. You know, because who wants to, like, what if I, and I wanted to be able to say, oh, yeah, I pee in these bottles.

[276] So you can get, actually, it's from a, I hate to get you in trouble, but Abercrombie and Fitch does offer on their site, pre -bottled urine that comes in, they said it's these golden -hued urines will add authenticity.

[277] to any road trip.

[278] Oh, beautiful.

[279] I didn't just get you fired, did I?

[280] It's okay.

[281] You know.

[282] Maybe this is the start of a new journey, you know?

[283] Yeah, me getting you fired from Abercrombian Fish.

[284] Well, what, now you answer that question.

[285] What's been your highlight?

[286] Well, not to, not to, you know, give you a big head or anything, but definitely talking to you guys, I think, you know, you guys have all been such a bright spot during.

[287] during this time and I just, yeah, I love you guys.

[288] And this is, oh, that's so nice.

[289] That's really nice.

[290] Great, so.

[291] Man, that I might feel like we can't hang up because I feel like we have to keep Chloe going.

[292] You know what I mean?

[293] What if you just left us on your computer and you just lived your life and the three of us stayed on?

[294] I'm not saying this in a pervy way.

[295] Like, you know, anglic towards the wall.

[296] You know what I'm saying, Sonah?

[297] No, it's like a live cam on the eagle's nest with the, eggs, but we just come and go and you see our natural...

[298] Yeah, no, exactly.

[299] I could just put you in my little overall's pocket, you know.

[300] It'll be like, hello, and then, you know...

[301] Where are your little friends that come with you through life?

[302] Yeah, it's great, because, like, before I would just talk to you guys on the podcast, but now you can actually hear me, so...

[303] Guess what?

[304] We could hear you before.

[305] Oh.

[306] We could.

[307] Shoot.

[308] Scandalous.

[309] Yeah.

[310] Yeah, that stuff you said was insane.

[311] I was crazy.

[312] Anyway, good luck.

[313] Abercrombie and Fitch, you know, I will tell you this.

[314] I have a lot of respect for, oh, someone's coming in behind you.

[315] Oh, your dog just kicked the door open.

[316] Did you see that?

[317] I thought it was a human, but your dog just totally kicked the door open.

[318] That was very impressive.

[319] Yeah, he was super, he was like, he wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet.

[320] Well, I have a lot of respect for writers, and I think a lot of great writers started out in advertising.

[321] My wife's a very talented writer.

[322] She was in advertising when I met her And she was writing ad copy So that's amazing I say yeah I'm very impressed Very impressed with you Chloe I think that's Keep going on your path Because remember It's not about the destination It's about the road you're on And how you get there on the road Because the road is the experience That you've having It gets you to the destination Wow See what I'm saying?

[323] I see that There's a lot of gas here and there No one says as they die I made it, you know?

[324] Right.

[325] Actually, I'm going to do that.

[326] I'm going to try as I'm leaving this earth.

[327] Instead of saying, I love you to my family, I'm going to shout, I made it.

[328] Like, it was all about the destination.

[329] And then I'm going to die.

[330] That's what I'm going to try and do.

[331] Sona, remind me to do that, okay?

[332] Okay, I'll be long gone.

[333] That's right.

[334] She doesn't mean she's going to be dead.

[335] She means that she's going to have left my employee.

[336] Yes.

[337] I'm going to peace out.

[338] Hey, Chloe, you were a impressive and funny young person, and I root for you.

[339] I think good things are headed your way.

[340] I really do.

[341] Oh, thanks so much.

[342] Yeah.

[343] Appreciate it.

[344] Yeah, it was so nice talking to you.

[345] Nice talking to you.

[346] Remember, just leave us on, point us towards the corner.

[347] Okay.

[348] And we'll be here for the rest of your life.

[349] Perfect.

[350] Freddie also.

[351] Uh -oh.

[352] Your dog is objecting.

[353] I know, I know dog, and your dog just said, lose this creep.

[354] Friends.

[355] All right.

[356] Well, thanks a lot, Chloe.

[357] This was really cool.

[358] Thank you.

[359] Woo.

[360] Magoosh.

[361] Magoosh!

[362] A magoosh!

[363] Conan, meet Elizabeth.

[364] Hi, Conan.

[365] Oh, hi, Elizabeth.

[366] How are you?

[367] I'm great.

[368] How are you?

[369] I'm doing really well.

[370] First of all, do you go by Liz?

[371] Do you go by Liza?

[372] Well, I know your wife's named Liza, so I would never co -op that.

[373] Well, she didn't, she didn't come up with it first.

[374] She was sued by Liza Manelli.

[375] That's why you don't, that's why you don't come up with that name.

[376] When she was born, yeah, and she's still paying that debt off.

[377] Her name is Elizabeth, my wife's name.

[378] Most of her friends call her Liza, and I call her, woman!

[379] You should.

[380] No, it's very nice to have you here.

[381] Where do you live?

[382] I live in Los Angeles.

[383] Oh, so you're probably near me. I'm seeing your house looks very nice.

[384] I see.

[385] Oh, does it?

[386] I see very nice molding around your doorways.

[387] Yeah.

[388] The house looks like it has some vintage to it, which I like, unless that's fake.

[389] No, it's an apartment that I rent, so I can't take credit for any of it.

[390] Well, yes, you can.

[391] You chose the apartment.

[392] That's true.

[393] You could have chosen any apartment.

[394] You could have chosen some flop house, but you chose what looks to be a very attractive apartment with a very nice woodwork.

[395] It looks like it's the 20s to me. I think it was built around the 1920s, this building.

[396] Yes, I'm very good at this.

[397] I'm very good at this.

[398] I'm not bragging, but I'm just, I immediately nailed 1920s, and that is a Virginia pine that they've stained.

[399] Oh, God.

[400] In the background.

[401] And Elizabeth, I hate to tell you this, but a murder was committed in your apartment.

[402] I'm getting a murder vibe, and you committed the murder.

[403] I knew this was a trap.

[404] I knew it.

[405] Yes, the police will be coming.

[406] I called the not very good police.

[407] They're coming in about.

[408] four days.

[409] So they're, what can't you do, Conan?

[410] There's so much I can do.

[411] So, uh, how can I, how can I help you?

[412] I really want A to make friends.

[413] Okay.

[414] You know that.

[415] That's something that's important to me because that's a large beverage you just had.

[416] What was that?

[417] Was that a tea?

[418] It's tea.

[419] Yes.

[420] Yes.

[421] Is it an herbal tea?

[422] It is an herbal tea.

[423] I forget what kind it is, but yeah.

[424] Oh, I can tell you.

[425] It's an oolong tea.

[426] Uh, it's got a little parsimmon in it.

[427] A little bit of And it's poisoned.

[428] No, no. No, you only serve that to your murder victims.

[429] How can I help you, Elizabeth?

[430] I want to help you.

[431] I want to answer any question I can.

[432] Okay, great.

[433] First of all, do you want to say hi to Sonen, Matt?

[434] See you again, Elizabeth.

[435] I don't want to ignore, you know, the lovely people that make your show run.

[436] I know it's all done.

[437] Oh, wow.

[438] You just got on my bad side.

[439] Thank you.

[440] Yeah.

[441] We like you.

[442] No, Matt helps the show run.

[443] Sona does both.

[444] She helps and hurts, I would say, in equal measure.

[445] That's accurate.

[446] I think that's accurate.

[447] It's fair.

[448] Yeah, well, they've been said hello too.

[449] That's time wasted.

[450] Time will never get back.

[451] Elizabeth, what can I do for you?

[452] Well, I came out, I'm from Ohio, and then I lived in New York for many years, and I came out here in L .A. to pursue a career and entertainment.

[453] So any advice you have in that, I'm a writer.

[454] What kind of writing do you like to do?

[455] I, well, I have a huge improv background, so I mostly do comedy, yeah.

[456] Very good.

[457] I didn't know you had an improv background.

[458] I do.

[459] I hate to say it because then people are like improvise right now.

[460] Well, you, now that you bring it up, Elizabeth, what an unusual candy shop you have here.

[461] Oh, God, no. Yeah, such an unusual candy shop.

[462] Wait a minute.

[463] This is so weird.

[464] What's in this bucket?

[465] Why, that's our licorice bucket.

[466] What's this green flavor?

[467] liquorish.

[468] That is vomit flavored.

[469] It's our least popular liquor.

[470] And scene.

[471] That was terrible.

[472] I'm sorry.

[473] No one will ever have.

[474] No, that was fine.

[475] That was fine.

[476] That, you know, when you hear it's a vomit flavored liquorish, you've got to get out immediately.

[477] Right.

[478] Before sewn in the audience patents that and then you've lost the copyright.

[479] So you're out here and what kind of, are you interested in comedy writing?

[480] Well, I mostly do comedy, but I would love to, I actually have a drama script that because of the pandemic, we decided a friend of I and I are producing it, we're turning it into a scripted podcast series.

[481] So basically, Elizabeth, you've called in, you've posed as a fan, and now you're doing an ad for your scripted podcast, which is coming up soon on Anchor.

[482] You know, what's going to happen, Elizabeth, is people are going to listen to you.

[483] And they're going to say, oh, I see.

[484] So what's going to happen is someone's going to call me and go, I'm Bill.

[485] Oh, hi, Bill.

[486] Love the show, Conan.

[487] I'm a real natural guy, just a normal guy.

[488] Cool, Bill.

[489] Where are you from?

[490] Oh, just a guy who lives here in the city, just having my own fun.

[491] I just wanted to ask you a question.

[492] How much do you love Serta mattresses?

[493] Don't you love him, Conan?

[494] And then that's what's going to happen to this whole segment.

[495] Can you ask how you could help?

[496] I always, listen, Elizabeth.

[497] Elizabeth, I always ask how I can help.

[498] My little trick is that I never help.

[499] Now, what happens?

[500] happens.

[501] I sort of get the patina of a good guy, you know?

[502] The word on the street is at Conan.

[503] I heard him, I heard him on the radio on one of those podcasts.

[504] She was talking to a nice lady called Elizabeth.

[505] He offered to help her.

[506] What a good guy.

[507] Do they ever follow up and find out that I did nothing to help?

[508] No. I thought since we were both, I had Irish roots.

[509] Maybe we could get any.

[510] Oh, don't bring that up with me. I despise the Irish.

[511] I am a self -loathing Irish person.

[512] Yeah.

[513] Me too.

[514] No, Sona's very proud of her.

[515] She's Armenian and she are in Armenia Day.

[516] She has her flags on her car.

[517] Armenia Day.

[518] Well, I don't know.

[519] You're just very proud of the fact that you're from Armenia and you talk about it a lot.

[520] I'm not from Armenia.

[521] But you don't see me walking around wearing a little green hat and saying, Be gosh, be Gora.

[522] I don't do that.

[523] You don't have to.

[524] Just looking at you and people are like he's Irish.

[525] I would like it noted that Conan changed his screen name to Teddy Roosevelt.

[526] I don't know what you're trying to hide, but.

[527] Well, I just, you know, whenever I go online as Conan O 'Brien, you know, it usually goes wrong very quickly.

[528] Yeah, what?

[529] Teddy Roosevelt's wanted for many crimes on the web.

[530] Right.

[531] But Elizabeth, I'm excited.

[532] I'm excited for you.

[533] Maybe you have more personal questions for you.

[534] Maybe they don't involve me steering some business your way.

[535] You know, maybe they just involve us as two humans on this spinning blue globe we call Earth.

[536] Absolutely.

[537] if you could invent a new word, what would that, not to put you on the spot, Conan, but like, you know how the Germans and have these great words that only they can come up with to explain things and I think the Japanese also.

[538] Special words like invade, you know, that they come up with, destroy, Dominate.

[539] Yeah, they have so many words for basically the same thing.

[540] Have you ever thought of a new word?

[541] Like, well, first of all, I'm going to flip this over to my coworkers who will attest in the fact that I don't use real words in my regular life.

[542] Yes.

[543] All I use are nonsense words and babble.

[544] I sometimes say whole sentences.

[545] And Sona, you actually speak pretty good Conan, don't you?

[546] I do.

[547] Yeah.

[548] And, you know, the other day you were like, you know, you had left your glasses.

[549] And I was like, oh, I found your glasses like, no, no, no. They're da -moggle -be.

[550] And they're just.

[551] I call glasses.

[552] Dom Oglebees, which...

[553] It's just...

[554] Yeah.

[555] Yeah, and I'll say like, hey, where's my Domogelbies?

[556] And she'll say, oh, God, you mean your glasses?

[557] But a lot of times I'll say, we're my domagelbies, and she'll say, oh, they're right here, and she knows what I'm talking about.

[558] So I refuse to use regular words.

[559] When I was in college, I got sick of my friends coming up to me and talking to me about their relationship.

[560] A guy would come up to me, a friend of mine in college would come up to me, and his name was Tom Hill, and it'd say, yeah.

[561] my relationship isn't going that well.

[562] She and I aren't getting along.

[563] And I said, don't call it relationship.

[564] Let's call it a Bueno, which is the Spanish word for good.

[565] And so I actually got a bunch of people in college saying, oh, having trouble with my Bueno.

[566] Oh, my God.

[567] I have a little trouble with the Bueno.

[568] And I actually got people doing it.

[569] And whenever I can do that, I'm very happy.

[570] Mush it means let's eat.

[571] So our producer now, Jeff Ross, comes up to me and says, let's mush it.

[572] Let's go.

[573] Let's mush it.

[574] This is good mush.

[575] And so I am constantly, gom -gom I use for a lot of things, right, Sona?

[576] Yeah, mostly for your phone.

[577] So it's like, hey, Conan, here's your gom -gom.

[578] Yes, you'll say, I found your gom -gom -gom.

[579] I know that means.

[580] And I'll say, I can't read my gom -gobam because I don't have my dom -ogglebees.

[581] And she knows that that means, or I would have responded to your text about mushing it means.

[582] So you break that down.

[583] I didn't have my glasses so I couldn't read my phone and see the text that you wanted to know when we're having lunch.

[584] So those, that's, that's me all the time.

[585] That's all I do is make up words.

[586] It sounds like you do this to get out of things.

[587] Well, no, you know, there's actually a proud Irish tradition.

[588] Joyce made up a lot of words.

[589] I like to elevate what I'm doing to say that, you know, a lot of the great Irish writers, they twisted the modernists in, in Irish literature, twisted language beautifully.

[590] When they do it, it's genius.

[591] When I do it, it's because, oh, Conan, something's wrong.

[592] you know he's why is he so weird no one no one says oh conan he's the modern joyce you know yeah vajaru a vajaru cockaroo cockaroo cocaroo so magouh was a company that used to advertise with us and then they stop because i talk about them constantly and they don't have to pay me any money i don't even know what magooch does i'm going to be honest with you i have no idea i forgot what Magooch does, but I love saying, I'm a goosh, a magoosh.

[593] It just, it gives me so much joy.

[594] And so now Magoosh needs to become a word, probably for my briefs, you know, like, I need new magooch.

[595] You know, it's like, it's the briefs that I wear.

[596] It'll, I'll find a good use for Magoo.

[597] Wait, what?

[598] My brief.

[599] What did you just say?

[600] I need new magoo.

[601] So does your cockaroo go in your Magoo?

[602] You know what?

[603] We're trying to keep this clean, Matt.

[604] This, this, okay.

[605] We're trying to sell this format to Nickelodeon and you just ruined it.

[606] I forgot.

[607] Yeah, you forgot.

[608] You always forget.

[609] You know how many Nickelodeon deals you've blown for us?

[610] Because I've just about sealed the deal and then you go, what is the cockarugo?

[611] And then no more.

[612] We're out.

[613] Elizabeth, I like you.

[614] I think good things are going to happen for you.

[615] I really do.

[616] I'm excited about your upcoming endeavor.

[617] Thank you.

[618] If you want to give me, if you did to ask for personal, so if you have a great pickup line post -COVID that I can use when I get back out into the dating world, I'll take that final advice from you come.

[619] Oh, you want to hear your line?

[620] You want to pick up line for post -COVID?

[621] When we get back out to dating and stuff, what could I say?

[622] Hey there, I'm, I lived.

[623] I'm, I don't know, what do you say post -COVID?

[624] Oh, that's pretty good, actually.

[625] I lived.

[626] I lived.

[627] I made it.

[628] Hey, that's what I'm going to do.

[629] If I was dating, I would say like, I lived.

[630] Hey, I lived.

[631] I'm here.

[632] I made it.

[633] Is that so bad?

[634] Yeah, it's pretty bad.

[635] Why?

[636] Because it's, we should all.

[637] be grateful for what we get, you know?

[638] So many dating sites are filled with people bragging about, this is what I drive, is what I do.

[639] People should just say, I'm alive.

[640] I'm alive.

[641] That's just the standard is so low.

[642] You should also try to like compliment the person.

[643] That's what the line does.

[644] It's like, hey, did it hurt falling from heaven?

[645] Or, you know.

[646] Oh, I didn't know angels flew so low.

[647] But my coffee could use a little sugar.

[648] Do you mind just putting your finger in there and swirl it around a little bit?

[649] I used to do that pre -COVID.

[650] I used to walk around.

[651] That was my pickup line.

[652] You know, yeah, my coffee.

[653] It could show you some sugar.

[654] Do you mind sticking your finger in there?

[655] And people would say, what if there's a terrible respiratory disease going around?

[656] And I'd say, that's never going to happen.

[657] If it does, the Chinese will be very upfront about it.

[658] That government talks about everything.

[659] This took a weird turn.

[660] I know.

[661] I'm sorry.

[662] It took such a weird turn.

[663] We're going to call this segment weird turn.

[664] All right, Elizabeth, take care.

[665] You too.

[666] Thank you.

[667] Bye -bye.

[668] Thank you.

[669] Yes, bye -bye.

[670] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[671] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[672] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[673] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[674] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[675] Supervising producer Aaron Blair.

[676] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[677] Associate producer's Sean D 'Ondor.

[678] and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Beckton.

[679] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[680] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.