#503 - Sam Tripoli

[0] For Joe Rogan.

[1] He figured it out.

[2] During my day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Powerful Sam Tripoli.

[4] Boom.

[5] Back in the saddle.

[6] Powerful Sam Tripoli, and with a brand new comedy CD.

[7] I brought one for you.

[8] I know some people don't even have CD players anymore, but I brought it for you.

[9] This artwork by my buddy.

[10] And it's called You Can Do This?

[11] It's called Believe in Yourself.

[12] It was either that.

[13] It's either that, or I was going to call it shady shit.

[14] but I didn't think iTunes would let me put that up So even yourself is good It's funny Well kind of If you listen to the album You get why I call it that So it's like fun Well I know your material So I would agree with that Like thematically It's good Sort of a fun Having fun with it I really like sense It just goes against the great It's the feedback People have already listened to it Really love it And I'm You know I hadn't put out a CD for a while So I was like really excited To put this whole group of hour of power together, and I did at the Eminton comedy strip, which is one of my favorite clubs to play, because it's literally the only club where I got off stage in two separate times, the owners one Tammy and one Rick Bronson, would pull me aside and literally go, dude, can you work dirtier?

[15] And I go, what?

[16] They go, we would really like you to work dirtier.

[17] And I'm like, are you crazy?

[18] That's so ridiculous.

[19] So then I go up and say, I'm just getting filthy for the sake of getting filthy.

[20] And, but it's one of the great's clubs.

[21] And I said, you know, this would be a great place to do CD, so I decided to do it there.

[22] They're maniacs up there.

[23] They're, Edmonton's crazy.

[24] Well, they're living in a place, you know, it gets 50 fucking below zero in the winter there.

[25] Those are hearty folk.

[26] And everyone's got cash because they're fracking.

[27] Oh, yeah, they're all fracking up there.

[28] It's their unemployment is like 0 .0001%.

[29] Like, they're giving like 12 -year -olds jobs because there's not enough people, none of people to go around for all the jobs.

[30] well it's uh it's interesting too because people that live in that kind of an environment if you could survive that kind of a winter and you stay job or no job if you don't fucking plot and escape like you're you're a different kind of breed like you yeah it's blue collar with money which is a dangerous situation it's blue collar with money but it's also people with like a certain level of character like you have to to get through the winter you can't be too much of a fuck off yeah you know what I mean yeah like when shit gets 50 below you got to be on your goddamn toes you gotta be on your game like if you are a real case fuck up the kind of guy who like winds up falling asleep in parking lots all the time security guard finds you at 9 a .m. You die.

[31] That chick that happened to some I don't know where it was somewhere in the northeast she passed out on her doorstep and then she woke up and like half her body had all frostbites and they were going to have to amputate shit because she had passed out on her who just walked and somebody had to walk by going i think that girl is dead nobody says anything she's only 19 also she was a college student oh that's awful yeah it's booze man especially when you're 19 when you're 19 you don't fucking you know you don't know how to drink yet you could go way too deep like she was probably forget the frostbite she's probably on death's door oh yeah so how how fucked up is her body and she's hot too how fucked up is her body it makes it even worse um well scroll up what does it say yeah what's the story Hey, this isn't as good as...

[32] May lose limbs.

[33] Oh, God, damn it.

[34] Her hands were three times the size with her skin split from palm to finger.

[35] Oh, my God.

[36] Oh.

[37] They spent the night playing drinking games with friends during which she lost several rounds.

[38] Who just drops to chick off like that?

[39] Downed at least 10 tequila shots.

[40] Tweeted earlier that day.

[41] Tequila shots tonight.

[42] Yup.

[43] Oh, my God.

[44] That's awful.

[45] Joe, do you remember a guy named Fast Eddie that used to hang out to comedy store, the fat Mexican?

[46] He was called Fast.

[47] that he's there all the time.

[48] He was there for his birthday one time.

[49] Wait, was he a comedian?

[50] No, he was just one of the guys.

[51] Really nice dude, he hangs out.

[52] He's hanging out the patio.

[53] Would I know him?

[54] Yeah.

[55] When he's been there for?

[56] He'd start to hang out there?

[57] Forever.

[58] Okay.

[59] I probably know him.

[60] Forever.

[61] And it was his birthday and everyone's buying him shots and we're driving around.

[62] And, I mean, he is God.

[63] He's like, drop me off at the club.

[64] You know, it's a guy, so we're like, yeah, we'll drop you off.

[65] You know, we'll just throw you out of the car and you might die in a dumpster.

[66] But if it's a chick, nobody lets that happen.

[67] Everyone's like, no, come on, you're too drunk.

[68] That's not true.

[69] Depending on what kind of chick it is.

[70] If it's a giant, mouty chick who likes to fight, dudes will kick that bitch out of the car and hit the gas.

[71] Get your ass kick?

[72] Yeah.

[73] I mean, only bad people would kick anyone out of the car in the fucking winter.

[74] Yeah.

[75] Oh, you have to be a really bad person.

[76] But the guy, you're like, okay, good luck.

[77] Or that guy's a total piece of shit.

[78] He's some loudmouth dude wants to fight cops.

[79] You're driving by in a road And we're, fuck you, pig You're like, put the fucking window down, dude What are you doing?

[80] We were driving And I just heard my window go down I go, what's up?

[81] And he's like, And he just all down the side of my window Which is nice, He got outside the car And didn't just fill up my backseat With Mexican vomit If you ever hung out with a dude Who doesn't have with a whole lot of friends But he seems like a cool guy And you're like, man, this guy's pretty cool You know, I wonder why nobody's hanging around With this guy.

[82] Come hang out.

[83] out with us.

[84] And then the dude gets drunk.

[85] It just becomes a maniac.

[86] Fuck you.

[87] The bouncer and fucking, I mean, there are dudes like that.

[88] Does I get just, Jekyll and Hyde just get, I used to be way back in the day.

[89] You used to be?

[90] You used to be a crazy.

[91] How do you know you were Jekyll and Hyde?

[92] Because I knew I'd just get drunk and I was just like, but did you feel you becoming Jekyll and Hyde?

[93] Yeah.

[94] But you would do it again.

[95] You get drunk and say, you know, that's why I don't really drink that much.

[96] I don't even drink at all, actually.

[97] Well, back then, when you would do it, you would like, okay, here it comes, taking my medicine.

[98] I used to warn people, sometimes I get a little crazy.

[99] Oh, no. I've been around you, you were a drunk, dude.

[100] I'm going to be honest with you.

[101] I don't think you're a Jekyll and Hyde guy.

[102] I'm a minor.

[103] I'm an old lion now.

[104] Well, no, no, no. I've been around you and you're drunk and you were young.

[105] How long have I fucking known you?

[106] For like 10 years.

[107] Probably like 13.

[108] I got picked up at the comedy store just around 2000.

[109] So during that time, we have all seen each other in a state of if somebody wanted to have sex with us, it would technically be raped.

[110] Yeah.

[111] They would be raping us.

[112] We've all been in that state.

[113] We've all seen each other in that state.

[114] Can't rape to willing, right?

[115] But you can, according to, there's like a lot of people that are actually arguing this.

[116] They have to say it.

[117] You can rape guys?

[118] Yes.

[119] They have to say it about guys because you're saying about women.

[120] If you want, there's obviously, they recognize that there's a real issue with that when it comes to, like, being controversial.

[121] contradictory and being hypocritical, if you start saying that if a man has sex with a woman who's had a few drinks, that's rape, well, you have to also conversely say that if a woman has sex with a man who's had a few drinks, that's rape.

[122] And if you're both drunk, you're raping the shit out of each other.

[123] That is the weird thing, dude, is that...

[124] It's a double illegal act, so it cancels himself out.

[125] It's like, okay, yeah, technically she did rape him, but, I mean, is it...

[126] It's not the same thing.

[127] It's not technical at all.

[128] It's not technical at all because she didn't rape them.

[129] She had sex with a drunk guy.

[130] And we all know what that is.

[131] And we add all these goddamn extra layers.

[132] It doesn't change the actual act of what it is.

[133] The real problem with defining all these things is this is rape and that is rape and this is privilege and that is a...

[134] No, no, no, no. Those are all just labels.

[135] You're putting labels on things that we know exactly what they are.

[136] Okay?

[137] If a school teacher blows a 14 -year -old, it's not rape.

[138] I totally agree with you on that one.

[139] And here's the thing.

[140] If she's gross, an issue?

[141] If she's hot, it's not at all.

[142] And we all know that to be a fact.

[143] We all know that if a chick who looks like Tara Patrick winds up blowing some 17 -year -old kid, that's not a goddamn crime.

[144] I mean, yeah, it's going to fuck that kid's head up, but it's not a goddamn crime.

[145] Not in a bad way, though.

[146] What dude's like, oh my God, Tara Patrick just sucked my dick.

[147] How is it rape?

[148] I just, by high -fiving people.

[149] How is it rape?

[150] No, I agree with you on that one, but we live in a country where it's like you can't technically have different laws for different people, right?

[151] We have to apply the laws to everybody.

[152] I agree with everything you're saying.

[153] It's good, though.

[154] It's good that people are that hypocritical, because it exposes it.

[155] When it's a subject like this, which becomes so preposterous when you start talking about it, exposes how crazy it is.

[156] There are people, men and women, that like to get drunk and fuck.

[157] If you engage them in that activity, you don't automatically become a rapist.

[158] Yeah.

[159] But there is a level that you get to that gets rapy.

[160] Yeah, there is.

[161] And we all know this.

[162] Yes.

[163] Label it all you want we all know there's something wrong if someone's really fucked up and blacked out and you say fuck it and you have sex with them anyway that's crazy that's fucked up there's also women awful there's also women that you've met that are so conniving that could probably rape like like hey i want to have a jo rogan baby you know and like gets you drunk to the point where you fuck them and you forget to wear a condom yeah yeah that's totally possible but again pro athletes have to take the condom they have to grab the condom, take it, put it in the toilet and flush it because these women will take that condom.

[164] And squirt that baby.

[165] Yep.

[166] And squirt that baby.

[167] And it's just, and the thought of just having a baby for the sake of making money, the fact that that's acceptable?

[168] Well, it's not just that.

[169] It is definitely that, but I think there's also part of it is having a baby with a guy who ordinarily doesn't want anything more than sex from you.

[170] Yeah.

[171] Now you connect with them.

[172] Yeah.

[173] So there's those options.

[174] There's someone who just wants a baby yeah you know there's some people that just want a baby and there's girls are just like god damn i want a baby i don't give a fuck if this guy wants a baby or not i want a baby you know obviously not supposed to do that you should probably like tell the guy right like you could probably find a guy who's willing to just give you a baby but then it comes back and then there's all that legal stuff that well there's legal stuff with a guy who uh got he got he was a sperm donor he gave sperm to these people they had a kid and then he got sued for child support and he lost because his DNA made the child I mean this poor guy he wasn't involved in the raising of this kid at all that's incredible this new thing with the guy from lost boys up lost boys Patrick the movie what's his name Patrick he was like the lead vampire he uh his ex -wife he had they had donated sperm or some shit like that and she took it and had a kid and then he he was trying to get custody or at least get visitation rights and he finally got got the right by the judge because he is the father.

[175] But it's like, that's some crazy shit that you could donate sperm and then it comes all this crazy issues with it.

[176] Yeah, how is that even?

[177] Society's just crazy.

[178] Jason Patrick.

[179] Yeah, Patrick, right?

[180] What'd I say?

[181] I don't think we remembered his name.

[182] Yeah, the lead dude.

[183] I forgot about that dude.

[184] Yeah, like he was really big and I think he did like speed too and then it just went off the rails.

[185] He is a John Jock Machado student.

[186] I've seen him hanging around with John Jock for it.

[187] Takes Jiu -Jitsu.

[188] I love that name, John Jok.

[189] You can't work at Burger King with a name John Jock.

[190] You could.

[191] Yeah, I'm John Jock.

[192] Jason Patchett closer to be reunited with Son.

[193] Okay, let's not even read this.

[194] I'll get sad.

[195] He's a sperm donor, and now he's got a kid.

[196] Is that what it is?

[197] Well, he was married to this woman, I believe, and she took his sperm and had a child, and now he wants to be in the kid's life.

[198] Oh, boy.

[199] Boy, boy, boy.

[200] That's why when you go to a massage part is they tie the condiment and knot and throw it in the refrigerator, I think, and sell that shit.

[201] They don't throw it away.

[202] They take the condom out of the room.

[203] Yeah, they don't want your loads, dude.

[204] Really?

[205] Really?

[206] They nuke your loads.

[207] They throw them in the microwave and they make Godzilla.

[208] Red Band's Mother Lode, is that what they're talking about?

[209] That's just gold, and then they're condoms?

[210] No, they feel like, we've fucking got it, boys.

[211] It's all smooth sailing from here.

[212] What do I got here?

[213] Call their friends up.

[214] What do, do, do, do, do.

[215] What do I got here?

[216] I'll tell you what I got.

[217] I got a little rubber baggie of gold.

[218] This is our ticket out of here.

[219] I got Red Band come.

[220] Get the fuck out of here.

[221] Red Band come.

[222] The guy on Twitter, he got 100 ,000 followers.

[223] Exactly.

[224] That's right.

[225] He's a genius.

[226] He's going to want it back.

[227] Red Band, man. It's a little more talented I think people give him credit for.

[228] I got the work with him recently, and I feel like I never really, I mean, it was just fun hanging out with him, and I think he's a little more talented.

[229] Why are you saying that while you're looking at him?

[230] Because I don't think he gets credit While you're looking at him That's just weird I am weird though You are weird I'll give you that I'll give it back I am a weird dude I'm a little crazy But I got a new CD out Believe in yourself Buy it Is it on iTunes awesome Yes And it's on all things records .com Brian we talked about this before But why don't you put together Like a set And do like a CD or something Do a digital release I need to do more stage time first though Yeah Do comedy I know.

[231] Do that shit.

[232] I can't get spots anywhere in L .A. You can.

[233] You just put together your own shows.

[234] Do do those fucking small ice -out shows.

[235] I can tell you where you can go.

[236] You can go to the John Lovitz.

[237] You can go to this new club on Hollywood Boulevard.

[238] There's a bunch of places you can go.

[239] I mean, if you can't get the store and you can't do the eye, I don't know why the improv doesn't put you up.

[240] Yeah.

[241] Probably someone doesn't like your sexiness.

[242] That's right.

[243] I do believe your man. He makes people very, very intimidated.

[244] You can get spots, though, dude.

[245] You can get spots, you just got to hustle.

[246] You got to hustle.

[247] It's so hard to hustle and do anything.

[248] It is.

[249] You know, that's the issue.

[250] You got to decide what do you like doing?

[251] You like doing a million other podcasts.

[252] Right.

[253] Or do you want to do like two or three -year podcasts?

[254] That's what I've cut down on podcasts a lot lately.

[255] Smart.

[256] It's focusing on the comedy thing, which is so tiring because as, you know, like going on the road and finding a spot yourself, doing it to Doug Stanhope way, getting like a rock club and getting the door and doing all.

[257] It is the most stressful thing ever.

[258] That's why managers, I guess.

[259] get the 10 or 20 % that they take because that shit is just annoying as fuck yeah and uh it's just hard though it's stressful and hard i just went to vegas and it was such a it was so fun the place was amazing but they're the the headache around booking it and yeah getting everything it's well you could get somebody dude you can get somebody to book you it's worth it and they can put you in places where you ordinarily might not have a connection with the guy have you tried to get a booking agent yeah i don't know what to do well you should get one like that other comics are doing it, and you're friends with a lot of comics.

[260] You know, it's not hard to do.

[261] But once you, like, start doing it on a weekly basis and really hammering in, then the act, like, starts to take shape.

[262] I've been blessed, man. Lately, I've been touring a lot.

[263] And it's totally fun when you just keep, when you get to work on a joke and over and over again, and then all of a sudden you just riff on a new punchline.

[264] Now it just boom, boom, boom, and it just builds.

[265] And, you know, it's because I'm trying to now write a new hour to do, to finally shoot something.

[266] I've never shot an hour special.

[267] you want to write an hour additional to that and then shoot it in how much time well i'm debating whether i do like because i have another cd called crime fighter and that material's really old but do the best of this and this best of this new stuff i'm doing and then shoot an hour or just do a whole new hour you know what i would say do a whole new hour because that way people could still find this stuff and they can still like tune to the old stuff yeah i'm about 35 minutes into a new hour i made a mistake once of not doing a totally new set because my my set I had certain jokes that were just better between my Showtime special and then when I did my CD on Comedy Central there was a couple bits that I don't know how many bits but there was more than one that crossed over that was just a better bit now and I just stuck it in anyway because it was like not too many people saw the Netflix one because Netflix in 2005 was in its infancy was a completely different thing but I regret that now I probably shouldn't have done that I probably should have just done totally news but I had better versions of those bits I'm like god damn it these are so much better I saw your news special it was on YouTube and yeah it's already yeah people take it and stick it online you know you could I don't really try to take it down I uh take it down a couple of times I feel like there's a bunch of bits on there that I hadn't heard before did you do new stuff in that special yeah yeah some of those that's some brave ass shit right there putting out new bits on the special I guess well one of the things about doing a podcast is you're even if you're not writing during the time that you do in the podcast you're thinking about shit in a way and you're going over like especially if we're like doing a podcast like this like hanging out with comics just talking shit it's not like someone who's promoting a very specific book or you know about a very specific subject which is fascinating as well but doing these kind of podcasts like you're forced to think for long periods of time and you get ideas and I think it's easier to write I think it's easier to write shit I think there's a bunch of different ways to write but I think that just talking and is a way to write too.

[268] But, you know, what is writing?

[269] It's just coming up with an idea, having a creative idea.

[270] You get a lot of those just talking.

[271] You know, they're not, it's not the only thing, you know, you also get a lot of them doing stand -up, you get a lot of them writing stand -up, you get a lot of them writing other shit.

[272] You might write an email to somebody and have a fucking great idea in the middle of just trying to be silly in an email.

[273] And you're like, holy shit, that's a bit.

[274] And then take it, copy, paste it.

[275] It's a matter of just a matter of just being in motion all the time.

[276] If you write, let's say you write 10 bits, how many do you think actually make the act?

[277] If out of 10 bits.

[278] Two, two are worth it.

[279] Yeah.

[280] There's a few that are just like, what was that?

[281] You go back over the notes and you're like, the fuck was I thinking, man. I try to take, you know, everything that happens and tries to turn into a bit.

[282] And then sometimes you're like, this is going to kill.

[283] And you go out there and it just flat lines.

[284] But I also get Bambi legs when I'm doing new material.

[285] When I have material, I know that kills, I just, You know, I'm, like, Thor throwing, like, fucking hammers of the God.

[286] And then I get up there and I do this new bit.

[287] And I get the Bambi legs where my legs start, and I start dropping F bombs.

[288] And, like, every other word is a fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[289] You can't let that happen.

[290] See, you know what happens, right?

[291] You know that that happens.

[292] And you talk about it, but you let it happen.

[293] You can never let that happen.

[294] I try not to.

[295] Never let it happen.

[296] You just never let it happen.

[297] It's not going to happen.

[298] It's just, you can feel the energy of just going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[299] But when guys do that, like you'll see guys on the road, especially if you bring a guy on the road that hasn't been on the road before.

[300] And you see, like, the first time they go on stage and, you know, fucking Fort Lauderdale or something like that.

[301] That's so funny.

[302] Yeah, that's happened to me. And a joke doesn't go over well.

[303] And then the fucks just start flying out.

[304] And what it is is like they're saying, uh.

[305] Yep.

[306] They're like, it's the, um, guy, uh, fucking guy with the fucking thing.

[307] And the audience does not want to hear that.

[308] Right.

[309] It's like a poor use of words.

[310] You see that at the Hollywood Improv a lot because a lot of people think that's like the office.

[311] That's where you go to work when the industry is going to be there.

[312] And when you're a young comic and it's the first time you get set there, a lot of them put like this humongous amount of pressure on themselves to do well there.

[313] And I've always felt like as you move up the comedy chain, I feel the gigs kind of get easier.

[314] You know, the ticket price goes up.

[315] And as the ticket price goes up, I always feel like people want to last.

[316] You're like, I'm dropping 50 bucks on this ticket.

[317] I'm going to laugh.

[318] You know, I want to laugh.

[319] So, so people always...

[320] I couldn't disagree more.

[321] Really?

[322] Yeah, why would...

[323] I don't understand why anybody would be more inclined to laugh because they paid a lot more money.

[324] I think they would, they want to have a good time.

[325] Like, if you're paying $50 compared to a show where it's like, free comedy.

[326] Okay, that's a difference.

[327] Because I think that people who go free comedy, they could have done anything else.

[328] They're not really there for comedy.

[329] Right.

[330] Someone pays for comedy, even if it's $10.

[331] You know, whatever it is.

[332] if they're paying for comedy they're going there to see a show right but there's a there's a big difference between that and like we paid 50 bucks we're gonna laugh hard right i mean the quality i think it's the opposite really yes when the ticket prices get high people do a little bit of this like how much i'll have to fucking pay there there's guys out there that charge 150 bucks a ticket i've seen those two hundred dollars a ticket you know there's like they have tiered seating like the seating in the front's like 200 bucks seating behind that's 150 and you see people in that audience like this.

[333] I was just in Pichanga.

[334] Brian Regan's playing there and I think it's like he's like a $110.

[335] What?

[336] Some it's up there.

[337] Holy shit.

[338] I would pay that to see him.

[339] He's hilarious.

[340] He's hilarious.

[341] I think he's great.

[342] You know, we talked about that on the podcast before but apparently we were incorrect when it was about Jay Leno.

[343] So we should probably correct.

[344] This is a good opportunity.

[345] When you see those super high tickets, those are actually scalpers.

[346] That's like ticket hub and shit like that.

[347] Yeah, but this was an advertisement on.

[348] In Pichang.

[349] I understand.

[350] But we were talking about Jay Leno.

[351] Oh, okay.

[352] And we were quoting like $250 tickets and shit like that.

[353] Apparently, his tickets are not that expensive.

[354] It's just that, you know, scalpers, they exist.

[355] I've been doing his spots on Sunday nights at the Comedy Magic Club.

[356] Oh, he's not doing it anymore?

[357] Well, he's on the road a lot.

[358] So I do some of the times that he's not there, I do his spots.

[359] That's great.

[360] I think you being there is great because it allows it to kind of shift the comedy a little bit.

[361] Well, they were talking about the differences in the crowds between my crowds and Jay Lano's crowds.

[362] It's pretty hilarious.

[363] I think it's great, man. Well, it's a good spot, man. I mean, it's in the place has been there for a long time.

[364] But now chow down when I'm there, dude.

[365] You owe the food?

[366] I chow down.

[367] It's a good club, man. I mean, it's a club that's owned by a guy who really has a love of comedy.

[368] He's a great dude.

[369] Mike Lacey, I think he started that club.

[370] I think he bought it in 1978.

[371] I don't know if he started it or if he was the first.

[372] I think he was the first.

[373] But either way, it's like a goddamn museum.

[374] It's not blowing that stinky shit in the air.

[375] That stuff's gross it's it's not it's stinky man it's like it's like spraying perfume in the air at ambercombe and fitch it's fucking gross it smells bad you don't do those e cigarettes I mean I definitely I don't want to smell it it's fucking gross Red band stop it I saw some guy doing that at a restaurant the other day and it was like filled the room with this stinky smoke they're starting to ban that now but I mean you could see it all over the place and people are looking around like is that smoke like what is technically what the fuck is going on if I have to breathe your shit we're in a gray area yeah but it's not legal yeah it's not legal and people are still doing it in restaurants and then nobody it's like if you lit up a cigar in a restaurant people go nuts they would fucking beat your ass yeah somebody would kick you out but this guy pulled one of these things out and started puffing it in a restaurant and nobody did anything it was like this weird state of mind like are we breathing in and smoke it smells it had like a strawberry smell to it or something icky yeah but it's not it isn't smoke though it's vapor.

[376] But I don't believe that.

[377] And it smells like shit to him.

[378] If it's just vapor, okay, you tell me this.

[379] What's the difference between you inhaling that vapor and me inhaling that vapor?

[380] It's going into your body and you're blowing it out.

[381] So inside, when you're doing that, it's transporting the nicotine.

[382] So when it goes out into the air, isn't it also transporting at least some of the nicotine?

[383] If it is, it's so small and it's nicotine.

[384] It doesn't matter.

[385] Do you do that?

[386] But what, you can't say that.

[387] you're asking other people to ingest your nicotine.

[388] That's the whole purpose of making secondhand smoke illegal.

[389] Yeah, but I think it's so small that you won't even feel anything.

[390] It shouldn't be anything.

[391] It should be zero.

[392] It should be zero amount of drugs that you could put in the air that affect other people.

[393] Yeah.

[394] I mean, that's not something we have to deal with.

[395] We don't do that as a...

[396] I mean, guess we do.

[397] I was going to say we don't do it with our bodies, but I guess some chicks give off a fucking drug.

[398] The perfume?

[399] Or like when you're in a mall and you go buy a like a Yankee candle store?

[400] No, no. It's not like perfume.

[401] It's not like perfume.

[402] It's not like perfume.

[403] You're actually breathing in.

[404] I see it in the air.

[405] It's like when you blow that thing out, I can see it.

[406] It's a fog machine.

[407] I don't believe that.

[408] I don't believe that.

[409] I think there's some of them that are, but I think some of them, man, that shit lingers like smoke.

[410] Like there's some that you see it like it blows out and within seconds it's gone.

[411] It just disappears.

[412] But there's other ones that float around.

[413] Float in the air.

[414] And that's the thing they're saying about these e -cigarettes.

[415] They're saying, look, they're absolutely better for you than regular cigarettes.

[416] Are you done with cigarettes?

[417] Health experts are saying this.

[418] But what they're not saying is all e -cigarettes are equal.

[419] And what they're not saying is that all cigarettes that are, you know, using these little electronic mechanisms have the same mechanism, that they act in the same way.

[420] So when you see what looks like fucking smoke, you're seeing a guy who burnt some tobacco oil.

[421] Yep.

[422] I mean, that's what it is.

[423] It might not be plant matter.

[424] It might be just the oil.

[425] But I feel like it's smoke.

[426] There's no regulated standards that everybody must have the same thing.

[427] Yeah, I'm not sure enough to really discuss it.

[428] The Wild West.

[429] But what I've understood by listening to people talk about it, the standards are very different.

[430] Like you can get one, like a blue e -cigarette.

[431] Like if somebody had a blue in this room, they're smoking it in, I'm pretty sure that is just vapor.

[432] Like, that's all you're getting.

[433] You're inhaling this thing and you're puffing out just vapor.

[434] But when you buy one of those fucking fire hydrant -looking bitches like Red Van has.

[435] Those lightsabers?

[436] With a tuba thing, what are those flute things?

[437] What are those things called?

[438] Like a flute.

[439] When you suck on the end of it, what would the end of the mouthpiece called?

[440] Fluke.

[441] Oh, yeah, a fluke.

[442] No, that's a fish.

[443] This thing.

[444] A fluke.

[445] F -L -U -K -E is a fish.

[446] Well, maybe it's a fluke in it.

[447] It's a fish in a mouthpiece.

[448] I thought it was.

[449] Could be.

[450] Look it up.

[451] I thought it was a flute.

[452] Wasn't a flu?

[453] F -L -U -E?

[454] That piece I thought was a fluke.

[455] But isn't that a part of like a musical instrument?

[456] Yeah.

[457] And I think that's what?

[458] that's why they call it.

[459] Okay, well, let's, why we, why we, Google it time.

[460] It's Google time.

[461] It's that little thing you put in like, that little thing you put on the end of a wooden instrument.

[462] It's also a hot dog joint.

[463] You ever eat at Flukies?

[464] The many different words of the English language.

[465] Well, okay, the fline fluke.

[466] The part of an anchor that catches the ground, especially in the triangular piece at the end of an of the end of each arm hmm under anchor a barb or a barbed head of a harpoon a spear arrow or the like and either half of the triangular tail of a whale okay there's another um there's an accidental like there's a fluke like it was a fluke victory that's one that was a fluke yeah an accident or chance happening uh an accidental accidentally successfully successful successful stroke such as in billiards it's a fluke shot in billiards they say uh the obscure origin okay fluke like a guess all right any of several fluke perry no any of american flounders i used to catch those when we lived in massachusetts just catch uh summer flounders they're called flukes and uh any of a variety of other flatfishes no it doesn't say that now let's look up flu F -L -U -E, because I think that's what we're thinking of.

[467] I might be wrong about that, too.

[468] Flu is a passage or a duct for smoke in a chimney, so it's a flu.

[469] It's not a flu, you fuckheads, ruin the whole thing.

[470] Any duct or passage for air, gas, or the like, so it has to be that.

[471] You know what I found, man?

[472] You know, those green mountain grills, they make those pellet grills.

[473] They make a pellet, not green mountain grills, but other companies.

[474] They make pellet smokers.

[475] Really?

[476] Well, you can do, like, you know, you go to the barbecue, like, I've been looking up these smokers, man, you know, because I did that smoky thing with the ham.

[477] My smoker's kind of whack.

[478] It fell over in the wind, the wind knocked it over, and it's all fucked up now.

[479] I'm like, hmm.

[480] I mean, it worked fine for the moment, but it was kind of a pain the dick.

[481] Like, you had to get up every couple hours and stick wood chips in it.

[482] I thought it would be more self -contained in that.

[483] But they have these things like Green Mountain Grills, or, you know, the Green Mountain Grill is a pellet smoker, or it's a pellet cooker.

[484] But they have pellet smokers, too.

[485] They work, like, in kind of a different way.

[486] It's more smoke than it is just the heat from burning the pellets, I guess.

[487] But you could make ribs and shit on them.

[488] Yeah.

[489] When Joey Diaz says that he got the meat sweats, because I got it the other day from eating meat ribs.

[490] What is that from?

[491] Because, I mean, it was serious.

[492] Like, I thought it was having a heart attack after eating because I was getting hot and then shaky.

[493] And then...

[494] Your body's just trying to burn off all that extra flesh.

[495] You just stuffed down your maw.

[496] And that's what it is.

[497] your body's just going, holy shit.

[498] We ate a Fogo de Chow.

[499] I love that place.

[500] Eddie's match with Hoyler, and we were sweating like crazy.

[501] Really?

[502] Yeah.

[503] You just dig in when you eat a lot of meat, man. I love it.

[504] I did one of those things where I'm driving by the hospital in Burbank.

[505] I'm like, should I just pull over and just wait this out to make sure I don't need to be there soon?

[506] What are you thinking you were dying?

[507] It felt something was not right, man. I felt like I was something was up.

[508] Are you worried about your health?

[509] Is that why you go into the electronic cigarette?

[510] Is you just doing this because you're in the studio?

[511] No, I mostly do electronic cigarette Because the girl...

[512] You should only do it.

[513] The girl I'm with hates it so much.

[514] Good.

[515] Good for her.

[516] What does she hate more?

[517] Your e -cigarettes or your handjob places?

[518] Oh, no. Shh.

[519] Jesus, Sam.

[520] You don't have to spell it out?

[521] So there's no denial?

[522] You fucking cockblocker.

[523] Hey.

[524] Yeah, well, let me have Sam said.

[525] The robot.

[526] You're cooking it.

[527] Hey, listen.

[528] Sam Trebley knows what you do.

[529] He always does that shit, man. There's been so many times where Sam has said something where I'm like, dude, what are you to?

[530] Like what?

[531] You're on stage talking about rubout maps.

[532] What are you talking about?

[533] You're the most interesting guy.

[534] You get mad at me all the time for just bringing up something you talk about on stage.

[535] He's got a big point.

[536] You got like everybody mad at me on Twitter because of something that I just literally just was like, Did you see Red Band say this?

[537] And then the firestorm breaks out.

[538] Do you not think she's on Twitter?

[539] She's like a social media person.

[540] It's so weird.

[541] I know I'm out of shape.

[542] No way.

[543] Because I was running one day in La Jolla.

[544] People randomly started cheering me on as I was running down the street.

[545] Guys on bikes were giving me high fives and thumbs up.

[546] I was like, dude, I'm just running.

[547] This isn't like a fucking marathon.

[548] How do you know that they didn't see you?

[549] perform at the comedy store there that's right next to La Jolla Or maybe it was so funny seeing your boobs That they were like Yeah, that's hilarious How do you know Uncalled for?

[550] Why wouldn't you assume That they knew who you were?

[551] You were performing in that fucking town How many people do you think are in La Jolla?

[552] I know, but it was in P .B. I know it's the same base place But nobody knew who you were.

[553] How long ago was this?

[554] This was like a couple weeks ago.

[555] Sam Tripoli, you are internet famous in a way.

[556] You know that, right?

[557] Do you have a fucking CD that's number 11 on iTunes?

[558] Believe in yourself.

[559] Yeah, but I mean, seriously, stop and think about that.

[560] Are you confused that people would, like, give you the thumbs up if they think you're funny?

[561] Yeah, I do, but I just feel it was...

[562] Do you have self -doubt?

[563] Sam Trippley?

[564] I've self -doubt.

[565] Yes, I'm the...

[566] I'm the house of self -del.

[567] That's where I come from.

[568] Yes, I do have self -delt.

[569] But I really had to think it more has to do with me looking like I'm barely holding on as I run.

[570] Well, there's a little of that, but I'm trying to give you a fucking half -glass full option, and you're not even willing to take it.

[571] That's some defeatist type thinking sounds like.

[572] I don't know why I just have a feeling as more to do with the running than the rocking.

[573] Because you're trying to work in your material about running and people getting...

[574] That's not true at all.

[575] You're working on a bit.

[576] Come on.

[577] Okay, it is a bit.

[578] A little bit of a bit.

[579] A little bit of a bit.

[580] A little bit of a bit of a something there I know I can ramble with.

[581] Pacific Beach is fucking beautiful, isn't it?

[582] It's gorgeous.

[583] I don't know why.

[584] Like, why would you live in Cleveland when you could live in P .B?

[585] People get stuck.

[586] They don't have enough money to move.

[587] It's scary.

[588] It's scary to try to relocate to a new spot.

[589] I would smoke a ton of crack.

[590] That way I wouldn't have to eat for like two weeks.

[591] And I'd just save all my money for a greyhound buck.

[592] Everybody knows that crack grows on trees.

[593] A gray house, I mean...

[594] Go to the crack bush on the corner.

[595] Actually, crack did grow in trees.

[596] He'll put crack dealers out of business, but everybody would be on crack.

[597] Everybody would be...

[598] Do you imagine if that was, like, a real issue, like crack was just growing everywhere?

[599] There'd be a lot of people in trees.

[600] There'd be a lot of people that are dead, probably, right?

[601] This is a joke on my CD.

[602] I was walking my dog next door.

[603] I had crackheads everywhere.

[604] I was walking my dog.

[605] I looked in the trees.

[606] There were crackheads in the trees.

[607] That's a true store.

[608] The tree.

[609] They were just hanging up out there, and there's like five crackheads in these trees.

[610] That's, you know, you got good crack.

[611] It's like if you go by a pasture and you see big, fat, healthy cows, that's some good grass.

[612] Those cows are eating good.

[613] But if you see a crackhead up in a tree, someone nearby has some really good crack.

[614] Do you see the video of the jazz band playing jazz And the cows just all walk up And start listening to the band jam Really?

[615] Yeah, it was like They had to pull over and take a piss And guys starts playing his thing And all the cows just start looking And then you see them walk over And they start listening to the band That's so cool Cows and people have such a fascinating relationship, man That's a weird thing Yeah, we eat them We don't just eat them Like very, very, very, very, very, very few people have them as pets you know and the people that do have his pets they usually get something out of them like milk them yeah and then the big male ones boy not really interested in being your friend you got to keep them the fuck away from people you got to cut their balls off at an early age and those are the ones you cook yep you make you get your your dairy what a fucking weird relationship that these animals have somehow or another like sort of developed and been groomed to develop to be these docile giant that we just pick meat from.

[616] Yeah.

[617] So strange.

[618] I mean, we've accepted it because it's normal.

[619] But if human beings, the concept of eating other animals didn't exist.

[620] And then, you know, we started introducing the idea.

[621] We found a better way to get our protein than beans.

[622] In fact, if you eat animals, animal protein is high in omega -3 fatty acids.

[623] And we started extolling the virtues of murdering cows and eating them.

[624] People would be like, what the fuck?

[625] fuck are you talking what are you crazy man you can't eat animals what the fuck you're gonna eat but because we eat animals all the time it's just nobody totally acceptable it's totally acceptable mass murder's fine well and we just have this thing well you know animals eat animals and fucking they would eat us which is totally true yes they would but it's weird what i'm getting that is it's weird and it goes back to what we're talking about about living in edmonton because it's weird what people just get used to it's weird that people get used to 50 below zero It's weird that people get used to plowing themselves out of their driveway every day because it's snowed a foot and a half overnight while they were sleeping so they have to get up two hours early just so they can get out of their fucking driveway and drive down that slippery road to a job that sucks but people do it.

[626] They just fucking do it.

[627] They just accept it.

[628] They accept it and they do it.

[629] Just like this is my reality.

[630] Cold as fuck.

[631] Even prison.

[632] That's where it gets really weird, man. People accept their prison reality.

[633] That's why they say that men become institutionalized.

[634] I guess women as well probably, right?

[635] if they're locked up for a long time, they become used to the community and the social interaction, the schedule.

[636] They get used to that world.

[637] When I say the community, I don't say it's like it's a fucking great community.

[638] The great NBC show?

[639] No, I don't mean that either.

[640] What I meant was that it's like they get used to that sort of structure, that social structure.

[641] They get used to that world and they're scared.

[642] And when they get free, they'll commit like some stupid little crime when nobody gets hurt, so they get sent back.

[643] Yeah, that definitely does happen.

[644] There's a guy.

[645] They should have the option, I think.

[646] To stay in?

[647] Look, I think if someone's gotten you to the point where you're so fucked up, you want to stay in prison and you don't want to be free, or if you are so fucked up and you have the ability to recognize it, you know, like if you're a child molester or something along those lines, which, you know, take away from the horrific act of what molesting a child is.

[648] It's fucking unbelievably evil.

[649] Disgusting.

[650] Disgusting and evil.

[651] But imagine, I don't understand, like, something.

[652] people's motivations for things.

[653] I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm not inside their head.

[654] I could speculate, but I really couldn't imagine what it's like to be a child molester.

[655] Someone obviously can.

[656] Could you imagine being a person who does not want that in them?

[657] It does not want that, that whatever the fuck it is, that's that, that aberration, that fuck up, that horrible left turn in their mind that makes them want to molest kids, but it's there.

[658] And so, you know, what if one of them was like, you know what, man, don't let me out.

[659] Just leave me in here.

[660] I think in here I'm having a good life or good enough life there was a story about a guy who infected women with HIV and he he had infected a bunch of them because he said because he didn't believe he had it he thought it was BS and he just in Tommy Morrison was saying that remember but he went to jail and this guy they wouldn't let him out they kept him in jail for longer till they figured out what they were going to do with him what can you do how can you stop someone from giving a disease and how can you you know it just you have you have it, dude.

[661] You got it.

[662] You can't give it to other people.

[663] Yeah, I mean, people have been giving people the clap from the beginning of time.

[664] Right.

[665] You know, I mean, how many fucking people have chlamydia and know they have chlamydia and still go out and fuck?

[666] That's got to be rough.

[667] It's rough.

[668] But they would do it with AIDS too, man. People do with everything.

[669] Well, obviously they, you know, obviously people do give it out because it gets spread around.

[670] Right.

[671] Well, how about this fucking Magic Johnson, Donald Sterling thing?

[672] This this whole thing, like a part of this whole thing that a lot of people were ignoring was her and the guide, Sterling and her having this conversation where he was saying you can go fuck these guys.

[673] He was like, I don't care what you do with them.

[674] Fuck them.

[675] Go out, you know, fuck them.

[676] Like, you're hanging out with magic.

[677] Wait a minute, hold on.

[678] Well, he even said that he said that in the Anderson Cooper interview.

[679] Yes.

[680] That this guy was going around having sex with people when he knew had HIV.

[681] Yeah, he said that in the Anderson Cooper thing.

[682] And I'd heard that before.

[683] Well, he probably does.

[684] But what's crazy is that it's just like everything else.

[685] It's just like having chlamydia.

[686] It's just like having herpes.

[687] It's just like people don't think of HIV, which can be potentially fatal.

[688] I mean, I guess less fatal now, that they have a lot more drugs.

[689] I think eventually it's just going to be like diabetes almost, but you can give it to somebody.

[690] I think that's where it's got to take drugs for it forever.

[691] Yeah.

[692] Well, they ever cure it?

[693] I think whoever, I think what they should do is whoever's got a billion dollars go, this is a billion dollars.

[694] They need a lot more than that.

[695] To cure it?

[696] Yeah.

[697] If you're like to a scientist that can have this billion dollars if he cure it.

[698] No, it doesn't matter.

[699] The funding in order to make a drug that's capable of doing something as incredible as curing HIV or curing AIDS.

[700] I mean, right now they've got them.

[701] Apparently, now, again, when I'm discussing this, I have a lot of.

[702] of zero medical background.

[703] We're just two dudes talking.

[704] Two idiots that happen to be dirty comedians.

[705] One smarter than the other.

[706] But we don't have, I don't know, fuck it's smart.

[707] I'm just, leave it out there.

[708] You know big words either.

[709] I'm not sure.

[710] I'm saying it again, it's just words.

[711] The actual mechanism behind the smart is very debatable.

[712] But look, the bottom line is I don't know shit about medical science at all.

[713] So anything that I say about what's good for you in Batfew.

[714] It's just fucking pure speculation.

[715] However, what I understand is that they've got it down to a point where you don't even test positive for HIV anymore.

[716] Like, they've had people that are HIV positive, but the drug goes into such remote places and squashes out the virus in such a way that even though you still have it, it's like it doesn't show it?

[717] I don't know.

[718] That's the question.

[719] I don't know.

[720] None of it makes any sense to me. It's chaos.

[721] Viruses don't make any sense to me. bacteria doesn't make any sense to me the fact that you need bacteria makes no fucking sense to me can like a virus it lives forever that's good question some of them they've eradicated and they've come back you know like some of them they got well that's one of the things that people get so upset about with anti -vaccine people it's like do you understand that they have taken shit like polio and made it almost non -existent they've taken things like smallpox and made them almost non -existent what about this mers or mar Yeah, MERS.

[722] Dangerous.

[723] Like, is that always been around or is that just like something comes out of nowhere?

[724] And then you've got to be like, oh, it was the Middle East thing.

[725] How much is this man -made, you know?

[726] Well, don't get crazy.

[727] I won't.

[728] I'll stop.

[729] I'll pull back.

[730] It's the thing that people do, dude.

[731] I do have a little bit of information about this because I did a whole special on that sci -fi show, on infectious diseases.

[732] And I got a chance to talk to a lot of these guys.

[733] They're not making any new diseases.

[734] They don't have to make any new diseases.

[735] they have some shit weaponized smallpox that if they released were Fuxville and they had this stuff in mass quantities in Russia and that's a fact there's no need to make any new thing like MERS MERS is not very effective because look it's not spreading there's a very small amount of people have gotten and they were talking about years ago it's a very dangerous and deadly disease once people get it but there's not that many people that have it it's a very small I only think like six people ever have died from it The problem is it's like half the people that get it.

[736] Is bird flu new?

[737] Bird flu's not new.

[738] All of these flus, this is another thing that I found out doing the show, almost all of them come from livestock, whether it's a swine flu, whether it's the avian flu, bird flu, all these different flus, a shit ton of them come from the way people raise animals and factory farm conditions.

[739] No. Okay.

[740] There was a lot of fucking going on.

[741] Remember that was the AIDS one, With the monkey Sam Kinnison Because somebody fuck the monkey Yeah Sam Kinnison's bit on AIDS It was like At the time It was so taboo and so wrong But there's so much of it That was so fucking true and funny The thing was like You know he's like Sam They say Sam AIDS is a heterosexual disease Straight people die from a two Name one Name one fucking guy Fuck you It's not our deal Dance!

[742] It's not our fucking dance!

[743] Like, that's a horrible joke.

[744] It's terrible and mean.

[745] Who is someone's talking about?

[746] They went back and they watched Eddie Murphy's like Delirious or Raw, I forgot.

[747] And they were watching it with their kids.

[748] And then at some point he had to stop and go, listen, we don't talk like this anymore.

[749] Because it was like very raw, obviously.

[750] Not just raw.

[751] like the difference between like a gay joke and an evil like homophobic joke there's a difference and they used to have that used to be pretty normal like an evil homophobic joke in the 80s was pretty normal like you could get away with it yeah you know and now it's like whoa it's like you can't just shit on someone just for their sexual orientation yeah it's got to be an observation of it i mean what is the line on that because i feel like some people think that if you just bring it up it's homophobic and I just completely disagree with that.

[752] Yes, I agree with you 100 % that the subjects are always going to be completely open.

[753] You can talk about anything you want on stage.

[754] People may or may not find it funny.

[755] The question is do you find it funny and can you find a way to relay it to an audience?

[756] If that's your intent just finding humor in life, there's nothing wrong with that and you can, you know, you can talk about any subject you want.

[757] But that's not what they were doing back then.

[758] They were just, they were just destroying gay people, destroying gay people.

[759] You know, you remember when Sebastian Bach from Skid Row had that t -shirt on?

[760] man, you could find it.

[761] Pull up the picture.

[762] It was a huge controversy.

[763] It's like, why would you say that?

[764] It's so weird.

[765] That is as homophobic as you can get.

[766] That's probably the worst.

[767] Well, it's just right up there with God hates fags that Phelps guy that died recently.

[768] walking around with a shirt on like that someone thought that was cool it's cooler than not wearing that shirt there it is is there irony lost in the way he's pouting with his gay lips and his fucking Farrah Fawcett hair and just that whole group of that music genre was all dudes who tried to look like chicks yeah you remember when you first saw the poison CD you're like those are some smoking hot chicks and your friends like dude those are guys you're like oh how weird what a weird time music, man. I blame Rob Halford.

[769] Because Rob Halford of Judas Priest, who was gay as fuck and cool as shit, and just an all -round bad motherfucker.

[770] He's such a bad motherfucker that he was wearing, like, obvious gay biker garb.

[771] And he got people to think that gay biker garb, like, on stage, was something cool.

[772] Yeah, so manly shit.

[773] And because he was sort of closeted, you know, I guess it was understood in the industry, but they didn't talk about it, but he didn't hide it, you know, is one of those things.

[774] He wasn't like Liberacee, you know, back in the day.

[775] Just flaming.

[776] Constantly asking when he was going to get married.

[777] It was a different sort of a scenario, but Rob Halford got, he changed like metal.

[778] They all started dressing like that.

[779] They all started dressing like gay bikers.

[780] And I think that during that time, everybody got so perplexed.

[781] I think bad gay motherfuckers, just badass gay dudes, infiltrated the music business and got everyone to dress like a homo.

[782] Yeah.

[783] Everyone was wearing spandex tights and their cock was pinned They're in their pants.

[784] Everybody looked like transsexuals.

[785] That's not, but that's not for women.

[786] Like, that flowing lock thing with the tight pants, chicks like the Marlboro man. Okay?

[787] They want a guy who's built like Don Frye who's got, like, they know he's got a six -pack under that, like, a fucking cowboy shirt, but they don't see, they don't want to see it on the outside.

[788] That's a guy thing.

[789] Like, guys want to see, like, yoga pants on a chick.

[790] Yeah.

[791] Like, a girl can walk down the street with yoga pants and a cameltoe, totally excessive.

[792] If a guy walked down the street with fucking ballet tights on and no shirt, Jesus Christ, is Hugh Jackman, that's not real.

[793] No, it's not.

[794] Come on, that's not real.

[795] That guy's face is photoshopped.

[796] You're so full of shit.

[797] Look at that guy in the left.

[798] Tell me his face is a Photoshop.

[799] That's not real.

[800] Look at the lighting.

[801] The lighting is totally different.

[802] That's not real.

[803] They have, their shadows are in the wrong direction.

[804] Hugh Jackman's shadows coming towards us.

[805] This guy's shadow is going towards his left shoulder.

[806] That's not real.

[807] Get the fuck out of here.

[808] How dare you?

[809] Think that dude's H -C -H -N?

[810] Probably, yeah.

[811] If he's smart.

[812] Shred it out, bro.

[813] We were, for whatever reason, Brian was obsessed with the fact that Hugh Jackman was Kay.

[814] He wouldn't stop talking about it.

[815] His fucking hands were moving.

[816] He kept puffing on the glass dick.

[817] He was like, here, Hugh Jackman's gay.

[818] There's multiple pictures of him holding hands with guys.

[819] Come on, son.

[820] There's multiple pictures of me with big black dicks in my mouth.

[821] Yeah, but I did.

[822] Wait a minute.

[823] Hold on a second.

[824] Hold on a second.

[825] Back that up, because one of those look real.

[826] Go ahead, go piss, you weak -bladdered son of a bitch.

[827] Who's the guy with the beard?

[828] He's a Wolverine fan.

[829] He's telling him how watching that movie made him cure cancer.

[830] That's what it is.

[831] So Hugh Jackman's guy on the right.

[832] Let me see.

[833] Is he really holding that guy's hand, or is that a perspective thing?

[834] That looked like a perspective thing.

[835] Who cares if he's gay?

[836] But it's a weird thing.

[837] Like a chick can be gay, like a Jody Foster.

[838] And everyone knows she's gay.

[839] She's out.

[840] It's all good.

[841] And she could play a le - Okay, that is.

[842] Super gay.

[843] God, what a sexy beast he is.

[844] That's frivolite.

[845] He looks so big.

[846] But, you know, if a woman like Jody Foster decides to come out and, you know, proclaims that she's gay, that's not real either.

[847] Stop it.

[848] Just stop.

[849] Stop now.

[850] He's a woo.

[851] I lost my pants.

[852] What's this guy doing?

[853] Suck in my cuck.

[854] I didn't plan this.

[855] A woman can still play a heterosexual woman.

[856] But a man has a really hard time.

[857] Unless it's that The dude on How I Met Your Mother What's his name?

[858] Neil Patrick Harris Neil Patrick Harris is gay Because he's so lovable Yeah, well he's not just lovable But he plays a guy Who's like a ladies man On the show Which is quite hilarious But You know why I think though I think because he It's a comedy From that Howard Kumar movie Where he plays such a pimp I think that's kind of burnt In people's thoughts still I never saw that movie I've no idea what that's about The White Castle Never?

[859] No No, but he's a funny guy and a talented actor I think that's more likely than any of it And I think we're in a different time I think people like supporting the idea Of a guy being out and open You know, I think especially in Hollywood That's like the place where people But when it comes to movies Movies are a different animal Because movies, you've got to sell tickets You got to sell hard fucking tickets And you know if the Midwest No worries, I'm just talking If the Midwest comes over And you know they see that some big gay guy like Hugh Jackman is in some fucking movie where he's playing a girlfriend to who's the chick that's always on Sports Illustrated?

[860] Kate Upton Oh yeah, she's playing Kate Upton's husband.

[861] He's going to like, get the fuck out of it.

[862] Yeah, he's gay.

[863] Look at that picture.

[864] That's it.

[865] He wins.

[866] He wins.

[867] He wins.

[868] He's big.

[869] He's gay, he's beautiful.

[870] He's got it both ways.

[871] The New York Times apparently wrote a thing about him being by, right?

[872] That's what you guys are saying?

[873] But I think that's just someone's wishful thinking because he does musicals.

[874] Yeah.

[875] If you like theater, musical theater, apparently, you've got to be gay.

[876] Yeah.

[877] But imagine if you were straight, how much ass you'd be crushing.

[878] Because it'd be you, a bunch of gay dudes, and chicks everywhere.

[879] If you were in musical theater?

[880] Yeah, if you were a straight guy in musical theater.

[881] You really think women are the primary viewers of musical theater?

[882] I think there's, I mean, acting and dancing.

[883] How dare you?

[884] Dancers in musical theater.

[885] Just pull your, push your seat back and think this over.

[886] Put your hand on your chin like this.

[887] You do this.

[888] Hmm.

[889] It's not fucking mixed.

[890] The whole room is not gay The whole audience is gay And menopausal women That's who goes to see musicals And a few confused young girls Who eventually abandon the art form And they just go to what?

[891] Yeah, they started They want to look cool in college They say oh my God I love musicals And then they go And they realize musicals are dog shit If it was any good It would be in a goddamn movie All right You'd be able to see things happen Real monsters It's amazing Explosions It is But it's more like a comedy performance Than it is a musical I mean they call it a musical but it's really like a sketch comedy performance like a saturday live piece that goes on for an hour and a half i mean that's really what it's like it's brilliant but to call that a musical no musicals are drab there's like fucking there's songs in there about romance and love and the two people meet again they're nonsense we have movies now if you want to tell me chicago chicks don't like the musical chicago they'd love the dancing and stuff i've seen the musical chicago and it is dog shit i know but you're not the dog shit and i went to watch a very good friend of mine i went to support her and sit there and watch chicago and when it was the halfway through we were all sitting around we're all talking and we're like so what do you think well it's really really good like everybody was like you know like hedging the words i go it's dog shit it's unwatchable dog shit and finally the older gentleman in the group who we look to for guidance he goes it's i've never been a fan of the art form it's fucking terrible and we were like it's not good right like what's going on here like you go see go see they don't do cats anymore but if you went to see cats halfway through cats you'd be like what the fuck am i watching what are you doing to me here this is a murderous assault on my attention span and somehow another you've convinced to i'm sure a lot of people think that in my act but that's fine you don't have to go see it all right some people like it some people like cats i get that as well i just don't understand those people at all.

[892] Have you heard of that movie that's like, or I mean that play that's like where guys all act like horses?

[893] There's like three people.

[894] I heard that's pretty sweet.

[895] Did you go?

[896] I think you should go.

[897] You should go and give a full Lions King.

[898] You wouldn't see Lions King?

[899] I see Lions King.

[900] Fuck out of here.

[901] Get the fuck out of here.

[902] I saw Cirque de Soleil and that was dope.

[903] Cirque de Soleil is because it's like watching the Olympics with music.

[904] It's like you're watching people do shit that's impossible.

[905] Guys are doing handstands and they have like a woman like attached to their hand and they're like supporting her.

[906] Like they have one hand in the ground, one hand up in the air that's holding a woman.

[907] You're like, how are you even fucking doing that?

[908] The guys like, there's guys who are doing handstands on each other's arms.

[909] Unbelievable.

[910] It's insane.

[911] You feel so weak and feeble when you go to see more so than going to see the UFC.

[912] You feel weak and feeble when you go to Cirque to Solay.

[913] Because you watch them do things.

[914] You're like, how long would it take me and you can't come close to be able to fuck I can't do that if I had those skills I'd become a ninja didn't someone die recently at Cirque de Soleil yeah they did right or somebody it wasn't no it was Ringling brothers no no it was both it was Cirque de Soleil and then there was like nine people that died I went and saw a show where the guy missed the thing and he just fell and the whole room was just quiet how was he?

[915] He got back up but man I'm sure he took a beating offstage how far did he fall only like about six or seven feet i guess that's still man that jump from the ceiling that would fuck you up and fall how tall is that ceiling is about eight feet no yeah it's got to be more jammy like 10 eight eight nine to the drop let's go nine okay let's go nine you you know that would suck that would suck that would suck and hurt boom we're so weak my cat is 17 fucking years old I got a cat that I've had forever man my sister gave him to me me hurt me um she had a bunch of kittens there were all these wacky kittens and uh her cat she had this one cat and uh they they lived in this rural place and they didn't fix their cat and their cat won't up getting fucked by some other cat oh i've heard cats fucking outside my door it sounds like murders going on well anybody who does that you release a male cat like you're creating a real fucking problem and a spade an unspade female cat you're creating a real fucking problem like feral cats are a fucking huge issue not just because of the fact that they, you know, decimate bird populations and things along those lines, but also because of diseases they carry.

[916] They're the number one purveyor of this toxoplasma in toxoplasmosis of bacteria or disease, rather, parasite that people have.

[917] Really common in third world countries.

[918] Dirty pussies.

[919] It affects your brain, does a lot of fucked up shit to your brain.

[920] Oh, yeah.

[921] Yeah, and it's super common.

[922] And it also, the cat shit gets in the meat.

[923] It's like a real issue with fucking cats.

[924] Isn't there something about like some bacteria that gets in, or a virus that gets into a mouse's head and tells it to run inside the...

[925] It's a rat.

[926] What it does is, I've talked about this many times in this podcast, but it's been a long time more than a year.

[927] The way it works is it rewires the rat's sexual reward system.

[928] It makes a rat sexually attracted to the smell of cat piss.

[929] to the point where his testes swell up, and he gets, like, he's in estrus.

[930] He's, like, he's hurting.

[931] He's got blue balls because he smells this cat piss.

[932] Like red band on Hot Rod 5 ,000?

[933] Like red band all day.

[934] All day.

[935] So, all day.

[936] So he's essentially on a double dose of Cialis with an added...

[937] Acorns.

[938] It's, no, well, it does a weird thing to their fear system.

[939] It hijacks their fear system, so they're not afraid of cats anymore.

[940] There's video.

[941] It's like, pull up this video, Brian.

[942] It's toxoplasmosis infected rat chases cat.

[943] This rat is running after the cat trying to get some cat piss.

[944] It's like running up to the cat's ass.

[945] It has no fear of the cats.

[946] So cats eat these rats.

[947] And then the cats get it.

[948] And apparently it doesn't really affect the behavior of the cats because cats are evil from the jump.

[949] They're evil from the jump.

[950] They're evil from the jump.

[951] It doesn't make them more evil.

[952] They're like the worst roommate ever.

[953] They're like, pick up my shit, feed me, I'm out of here.

[954] This is the video.

[955] These cats are like, what the fuck is going on?

[956] Now look, this rat, you can kill the language.

[957] But this rat starts going towards these cats, and he's like literally trying to get at their bag.

[958] Give me that butt.

[959] Look, that rat is not afraid of it.

[960] He just jumped on that cat's back.

[961] Look how crazy that is.

[962] Give me that butt.

[963] You know, dude, how crazy is that?

[964] That rat just jumped on that cat's back.

[965] They're not afraid of cats at all.

[966] Like, how does that even happen?

[967] How does that...

[968] Rats are gangster, man. They really are gangster animals.

[969] But why does that virus come around or that bacteria, whatever it is?

[970] And how does that form?

[971] And how did it know to do that to that mouse and make that happen?

[972] There's only one answer.

[973] Jesus.

[974] It is the Jesus, man. Jesus is the answer.

[975] It must be God.

[976] Why, Jesus?

[977] Yeah, well, look, God has a plan, Sam.

[978] He has a play for that rat's in that cat's ass?

[979] Yes, yes.

[980] People right now that are angry, they're angry.

[981] And you know why you're angry?

[982] You know why you're angry?

[983] Because what I'm saying makes you feel like what you believe is silly.

[984] And do you know why?

[985] Why?

[986] Wait for it?

[987] Because what you believe is silly.

[988] Silly talk.

[989] If it wasn't silly, I wouldn't be able to make you angry.

[990] If, like, people were joking around about what men want out sex with women.

[991] What, because it feels good?

[992] You'd be like, okay, that's the reason why heterophobic doesn't work.

[993] Like if homophobic people are looking at us like, yeah, what do you, but you fuck girls?

[994] Ew.

[995] What are you a breeder?

[996] You'd be like, okay, you're just being mean.

[997] You're not hurt my feelings.

[998] I feel your mean energy, but this shit doesn't work.

[999] It doesn't change how I feel about life.

[1000] You know, that's what's going on, Sam.

[1001] I get it, man. It's just weird.

[1002] And I was talking about this on stage the other day about.

[1003] how like, is this a bit?

[1004] Are you working on another bit right now?

[1005] No, but I'm just saying that it goes along the lines of what you're saying.

[1006] It's just like, you know, there's all this, these people who are conservative morals and stuff.

[1007] They don't, oh, you shouldn't do this, shouldn't do that, shouldn't do that, because you've been told us over these years.

[1008] But yet, over the last century or so, most of those thoughts have been debunked, meaning there's places where people allow what you're saying is evil and it's going to ruin society and society's going to crumble.

[1009] People allow this happen, and it doesn't.

[1010] Yeah.

[1011] And so what are you saying about?

[1012] Because if like all this stuff where you're like, you shouldn't pay for sex, you shouldn't do drugs, you shouldn't do all the shit because it gets the, you know, the God.

[1013] Yeah, in Amsterdam, all that is legal and there's not fires coming from the skies and monkey, flying monkeys, tea bagging everybody.

[1014] And, you know, it's just like, it's been proven that that.

[1015] Well, suppression is not good for people.

[1016] They don't like it.

[1017] it's a bad way to raise children it's a bad way to raise a nation right it's just people don't like suppression it's really that simple they don't like it they get upset you you're another person and you're telling the guy what to do you telling the guy can't jerk off what does that guy want to do he wants to jerk off as soon as he gets away from you he wants a bolt doors and just jerk off in privacy and then feel terrible about it and then repent and you know Kellogg no sense you know Kellogg's the guy from the cereal kellog serial what the reason You've got to read this book, Sex at Dawn, by this guy, Chris Ryan.

[1018] Oh, no. He's a podcast guest, fascinating guy.

[1019] I've read that book.

[1020] I've done a bunch of podcasts with him and Duncan Trussell.

[1021] He's a really interesting guy.

[1022] But one of the things that he sent me hip to is, like, Kellogg's, you can find this online, created cornflakes, created mild tasting food to keep people from getting sexually aroused, said that he lived with his wife for like 40 years and bragged about having never having had sex with her, but kept a male intern who would give him.

[1023] him daily enemas.

[1024] That's fucking Kellogg's.

[1025] So think about that.

[1026] Repressing sexual thoughts.

[1027] Unbelievable.

[1028] Repressing and actively, actively repressing sexual thoughts.

[1029] And yet, obviously, fighting off the gay, tooth, claw, and fang, right?

[1030] Obviously fighting off the gay.

[1031] The guy had a male assistant who's to give him enums.

[1032] He's gay as fuck.

[1033] Look at that.

[1034] That's a cinema face boy.

[1035] Put a leather paper boy cap on him.

[1036] and no shirt, and cut off jeans.

[1037] You see it.

[1038] Please do.

[1039] Let me do it right now.

[1040] I mean, if you see that guy's face, just what a great podcast.

[1041] You probably get an even better picture of them where you could go a full, full fucking body.

[1042] And then go with the color -specific thing.

[1043] Don't make it an obvious Photoshop.

[1044] Make it really look real.

[1045] I wonder if she was getting a dick on the side, Mrs. Kellogg's.

[1046] Oh, Mrs. Kellogg was fucking a personal trainer.

[1047] They didn't even have personal trainers back then.

[1048] She invented it.

[1049] She invented it.

[1050] she invented it just so that she could have somebody touch me did Jesus touch me unbelievable well that's people man people that are suppressing other people are usually doing it to try to suppress something in themselves that's why a lot of conservatives I just I just it's like you're lying I think a lot I'm not judging all but it's like when you sit there and you say oh you shouldn't do this this is and this most of the time you're doing this is and this you just want to put laws on other people like I go to Arizona a lot to do gigs and it's a fun state to do gigs but they have all these crazy laws yeah they party more than anybody I know so it's like they're just making laws for other people that doesn't apply to them.

[1051] Why do you think that is?

[1052] What do you think that is?

[1053] I don't get it.

[1054] I don't know why man. Fear right?

[1055] It's fear.

[1056] It's also there's here's the other problem with fear and this idea of everyone which would be loving there's certain folks that are already done See, this is one of the real problems, okay?

[1057] This is one of the real problems with society as a whole, cultural in general, and just human interaction.

[1058] This is one of the real problems is that some people are already done.

[1059] Somebody's made them, they've done a piss poor job of feeding them, raising them, and then sending them out into the world.

[1060] And they're fucked.

[1061] These people are fucked.

[1062] Out the gate sometimes.

[1063] And if you can run into those people, they can ruin your fucking life.

[1064] That's a fact.

[1065] So there's no way of fixing them either, by the way.

[1066] They might fix themselves, but it depends on the severity of how fucked up they are.

[1067] Some people are too far fucked.

[1068] You never bring them back.

[1069] And those people are out there wandering through the world, too.

[1070] So when people see that, and they see that you can't treat that with love, and some people say, well, you've got to treat them with love.

[1071] And they go, oh, you fucking liberals will ruin everything.

[1072] And then you have this division between people that are conservative and that care.

[1073] people who are liberal than care and the liberal people think the conservatives are cruel and the conservative people think that the liberals have, you know, some idealized view of the world that doesn't work and only works because hard men are out there doing the bad deeds to keep the world safe and they fucking support the troops on their bumper.

[1074] Yeah.

[1075] The real problem is it's a mess.

[1076] It's huge.

[1077] It's a mess.

[1078] It's constantly changing and it's going on all the time whether you like it or not.

[1079] When we sit in this podcast room for three hours and talk, there's murders and rapes and robberies and car accidents and lies.

[1080] And there's just so many people that it's going on in some way, shape, or form someone's doing something fucked up.

[1081] Yes.

[1082] And that's why we need to figure out how, first and foremost, how to fix people that are fucked up.

[1083] That should be before we talk about going to Mars, before we talk, what we should be concentrating as a whole as a culture is not just, just like figuring out how to fucking frack or figuring out how to pull out of Afghanistan.

[1084] How we fix all these fucking crazy people?

[1085] Yeah.

[1086] How do we fix them?

[1087] Can you fix them?

[1088] Could it be done with mushrooms and MDMA and electroshock therapy?

[1089] Can we change their blood?

[1090] Can we add artificial fucking genes to their system that induces empathy?

[1091] Is there a way?

[1092] If there's not a way, then we're always going to have this vicious cycle of dealing with shitty people, shitty people making more shitty people shitty people fucking shitty people up people dealing with people who fuck them up their whole life in therapy their whole life you know constantly talking about the abuse that happened to them when they were young because it's defying them as a person yep and I also feel that there's so many people making money off of shitty people you know the drug war the uh the uh...

[1093] privatized prisons and stuff like that you're fighting against this group who it's not in their best interest that these people get fixed yeah well it's like anything else anything that comes along even if it's a legit issue like global climate change you know the real issue that a lot of people have when it comes to global climate change is when you see a guy like al gore who's made a fuck load of money off of climate change and people start saying oh it's a business these guys they have invested interest there's thousands and thousands of people like yes but still the world's the fucking the climate is changing right you know but yes yes people are making money off it but it doesn't mean that it's all bullshit like there's a lot going on here, man. It's not an, it's like almost everything else in life.

[1094] It's not a black and white issue.

[1095] There's a whole lot of different fucking things going on.

[1096] There's, there's people that are bad, and then there's a problem, and then there's people that are bad that, that profit off of a real problem, too.

[1097] Did you watch the last vice, or two vices ago, when they were doing about the drought in Texas?

[1098] Oh, I didn't see that one.

[1099] And people were just praying to God for this, and then they bring, do you believe in global warming?

[1100] Nah, not really.

[1101] But then they would have singing hymns to god to it's just so interesting about how like people manipulated other people to believe in their best interest when you're like it's like well it's not just that though it's also voluntary i've seen people that want to believe that the world is not changing temperature i've seen people that want to believe in global warming simply because it's like the conservative viewpoint they're like oh come on right because they've been told that from the top You know, I had this guy, Randall Carlson on the podcast recently who talked about climate change throughout the history, the known history of the Earth, and it was incredibly fascinating.

[1102] And he absolutely believes that human beings and, you know, our carbon footprint plays a part in global warming.

[1103] But he said the real issue is there's a lot of other factors that play a part, and they have throughout history.

[1104] Like, we're concerning ourselves primarily with what people have done, and we have done a fucked up job on this earth.

[1105] He said, I'm more concerned with the particulate matter that, like, burning coal and pollution and stuff, what it does to our air quality, than I am the actual warming.

[1106] Because he started going off about global cooling and about what it used to be like here on Earth.

[1107] And it was one of the most terrifying podcasts I've ever listened to.

[1108] Jesus.

[1109] Because he knows a lot.

[1110] And he's not just making shit up.

[1111] He's talking about ice core samples.

[1112] He's talking about known history.

[1113] Even just the known history, totally non -controversial, known history that all scientists accept.

[1114] is that 10 ,000 years ago, North America was almost entirely covered with ice and that there was a two mile high, thick wall of ice over Canada.

[1115] Oh my God.

[1116] Two miles.

[1117] That is insane.

[1118] It's unbelievably insane.

[1119] It's unbelievably insane and it's a fact.

[1120] Oh, man. That's real.

[1121] It's like this fine line between one and all the facts and just like it's out of my hands.

[1122] Dude, he was also talking about some, without a doubt, beyond a shadow of a doubt, factual evidence about the amount of species that used to exist during that time that died off, like a huge percentage of all the animals that were alive back then are gone.

[1123] That's just 10 ,000 years ago.

[1124] It was unbelievably scary.

[1125] So it's just a cycle in a weird way?

[1126] Well, it's not just a cycle.

[1127] He believes that it ended abruptly, and it probably ended because of a meteor impact.

[1128] That cycle was like how people dealt with life.

[1129] It was just like those people that live up in Edmonton, you know, the people that were in a place like Canada, there was nobody there.

[1130] Yeah.

[1131] The reason why there's so few fucking people in Canada and they're so cool is because they've only been there for a couple of hundred years.

[1132] Everything's fresh and new, like a new chick.

[1133] Yeah, there was fucking nobody there.

[1134] There was Native Americans, you know, some of them had ventured up there.

[1135] Excuse me, but most of them, you know, most of them fucking came, you know, around the same time that settlers came to North America, you know, the Columbus days.

[1136] That's most of the people that wound up settling up there in Kansas.

[1137] Canada.

[1138] Before that, man, not much.

[1139] And why is that?

[1140] Because a few fucking thousand years ago was under ice.

[1141] Two miles.

[1142] Giant, giant glaciers.

[1143] Dude, and I was there, three feet dropped the day I flew in.

[1144] Of snow.

[1145] I'm like, this is insane.

[1146] Like, giant walls of snow in between each lane as you're driving, where there should have been, like, traffic little things, man. Boom.

[1147] Just giant walls of snow.

[1148] And occasionally polar bears.

[1149] And occasionally I haven't seen one in Edmonton.

[1150] Well, in Edmonton, a woman was working on a rig recently.

[1151] She got killed, eaten alive by a black bear.

[1152] What?

[1153] Yeah.

[1154] Which is rare.

[1155] Black bear's usually on eat people.

[1156] But they catch you slipping.

[1157] Bears, you know, they look at you.

[1158] I might be able to make this happen.

[1159] Let me chow down on that tasty hot pocket.

[1160] You know what they're really worried about.

[1161] They're really worried about hybrids.

[1162] Grizzlies and polar bears are apparently getting their freak on.

[1163] A little interracial.

[1164] So the.

[1165] The hybrids are very different than the regular grizzles.

[1166] Faster, stronger, Blake Riffins?

[1167] Well, they're more like polar bears who are strictly carnivores.

[1168] So the difference between a grizzly bear and a polar bear is if you see a grizzly bear, that bear might not give a fuck about you.

[1169] If you see a grizzly bear out in the fields and they're eating berries, that bear might just look at you and go, I'm eating.

[1170] I don't give a fuck.

[1171] It's plenty of food.

[1172] He's not hungry at all.

[1173] So if a bear has a belly full of berries and it's just sitting there chewing along, he doesn't give a fuck at all.

[1174] But if a grizzly bear sees you and you're hungry, is that the guy?

[1175] Yeah, and you have been hanging out.

[1176] Yeah, he looks pretty gay.

[1177] It's Kellogg.

[1178] Me and Kellogg.

[1179] I like your chest tattoo.

[1180] Yeah, it's Barry Brockley.

[1181] It's a new thing I'm working on.

[1182] Jesus.

[1183] A polar bear sees you, you better run.

[1184] Is it worth running?

[1185] Because all polar bears do is eat meat.

[1186] That's all they do.

[1187] So anything that's moving, a polar bear is going to eat.

[1188] There's no berries.

[1189] That's why I don't go where polar bears are.

[1190] That's a good move.

[1191] That's why I go to La Jolla, California.

[1192] That's a good move.

[1193] Where they laugh at me while I run.

[1194] There's a polar bear done in the zoo, though.

[1195] Be careful.

[1196] That motherfucker gets out.

[1197] You're doomed.

[1198] He'll find me because he sees how slow I run.

[1199] He'll give you a thumbs up.

[1200] He'll let you go.

[1201] It's like when you see a retarded fish, see a fish swimming sideways.

[1202] You don't try to snag it.

[1203] Let that one go.

[1204] Let that one go downriver.

[1205] Do you see all the sardines that are washing up in Venice right now?

[1206] I guess...

[1207] Because the water got so hot that it's oxygen.

[1208] Tons and tons and tons.

[1209] And so, like, now sharks are just dying and all these fish keep are dying because there's no oxygen because there's so many sardines.

[1210] Yeah, they call that dead zones, apparently.

[1211] It happens all the time in the ocean.

[1212] It smells like asshole.

[1213] Yeah, it's bad.

[1214] Not good asshole either.

[1215] They found out a way that they think they're going to be able to bring back plant vegetation and shit in the ocean and sort of reseed areas and reoxygenate the ocean.

[1216] Oh, that's cool.

[1217] And it involves dumping iron in the water.

[1218] Like iron scraps and iron.

[1219] It's a really interesting thing.

[1220] I read it about it.

[1221] I'll pull it up.

[1222] the idea was that dumping iron into the ocean would increase the amount of plankton and that all these plants would grow off of the rusting iron of the metal in the iron would actually facilitate plant life genesis yeah and that plant life would develop more oxygen in the ocean was really kind of interesting shit man dumping iron in the ocean there are some people are way smart than i am yes yeah in this room dude i'm a human being i know i hear you i have feelings i know you do thank you dude jesus christ what do you need okay there i put yes okay stop that's enough let's yeah adding iron to the oceans they're slowing down global warming this is the idea and they're throwing this is a weird fucking idea but it kind of makes sense the premise is simple It says iron acts as a fertilizer for many plants, and some, like the phytoplankton that forms the baseline of marine food web, need to grow.

[1223] They needed to grow, and adding iron to the water stimulates phytoplankton growth, which in turn gobble up carbon dioxide through photosynthesis.

[1224] This results in a decrease in carbon dioxide and reduces temperature since carbon dioxide is one of the main gases responsible for trapping heat on the earth's surface through the greenhouse effect.

[1225] interesting unbelievable that's interesting shit yeah that's the other thing that this guy Randall Carlson was talking about is how this increase in carbon dioxide that we have they're also directly correlating it with an increase in plant growth which is kind of fucked because we always think of like people adding carbon dioxide to the air being a poison and they were poisoning the air but the reality is that plants need carbon dioxide to grow so it's not saying that you should go out and burn carbon dioxide to fucking help the plants, but it's one of those things again, where it's not black and white.

[1226] Well, isn't it that they're deforestation, they're cutting down the plants, mean there's last plants to take in the CO2, and that's where the problem is right now?

[1227] No, that's no. Okay.

[1228] But what he's saying is there's more forest than before, that forests are actually increasing in size, and there's more plants.

[1229] The plant growth is actually increasing.

[1230] because of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

[1231] There's definitely a concern that people have, like in the Amazon, a lot of different places that people are chopping down.

[1232] The real problem with what they're doing in the Amazon is that they're changing the whole weather system in those places.

[1233] Because these plants, they're responsible for like, the whole ecosystem is wrapped around these plants.

[1234] And you chop them down, then you have these dry areas just exposed to the sun where they weren't exposed to the sun before because there's this deep canopy of leaves and the rain, the moisture stays there.

[1235] Yeah, this is just flat.

[1236] And so then it becomes, they don't have the root system, so then you get mudslides, and then the ground, it becomes very difficult to grow crops on it.

[1237] It's really kind of fucking crazy, like what they're doing.

[1238] They're just chopping down trees and thousands and thousands of acres just deforestation.

[1239] Yeah, that's not good.

[1240] What about cows farting?

[1241] Do you ever buy into that that that's a big problem?

[1242] I always feel like they just picked something that they could blame it on.

[1243] Like there's way more people.

[1244] No, but the amount of impact that a cow has is way more powerful than the amount of impact that a person has.

[1245] But there's way more people.

[1246] Yes, cow farts are dangerous.

[1247] Like for every cow, there's probably what?

[1248] 100, 200, 300, 400 people?

[1249] But here it says, my dad can crush the ecosystem.

[1250] Scientists say cow farts are more dangerous than they feared.

[1251] This is true, man. There's a real study.

[1252] The study has revealed that the amount of methane, a greenhouse gas, 20 times more potent, but far less prevalent.

[1253] than CO2.

[1254] So it would be 20 cows to every person to balance that out, or 20 people to every cows, rather, to balance that out.

[1255] Because it's 20 times more potent if a cow was the size of a person, but a cow's way bigger than a person, so it's even more.

[1256] So the cow's probably like five times bigger than a person.

[1257] So instead of 20 times, probably 100 times more impact.

[1258] That's my unscientific calculation.

[1259] A cow fart is destroying the environment.

[1260] That's crazy.

[1261] 20 times more potent, far less prevalent than CO2.

[1262] released into the U .S. atmosphere, it's significantly higher than previously thought.

[1263] We find greenhouse gas emissions from agriculture and fossil fuel extraction and processing, i .e. oil or natural gas, are likely a factor of two or greater than cited in existing studies.

[1264] Whoa.

[1265] So agriculture just by itself is a big impact.

[1266] Unbelievable.

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] Cous.

[1269] Methane.

[1270] Methane is a fucking issue, though.

[1271] man. When I used to visit my parents, my parents used to live in Pennsylvania.

[1272] I just drive from New York to rural Pennsylvania.

[1273] And there's this stretch of highway where it's all farms, dairy farms and slaughterhouses and shit, I guess it's all cows.

[1274] It's unbelievably bad smelling.

[1275] Like you can't imagine these poor fucking people that have to live in these areas.

[1276] And it was hot.

[1277] It was in the summer.

[1278] Some people just accept that.

[1279] It goes back to Emmenton.

[1280] Some people just accept that.

[1281] I'm from kind of that area.

[1282] I'm from.

[1283] Cortland, New York, which is Pennsylvania and Cortland are the same kind of country, you know what I'm saying?

[1284] I got I have tons of cows in my hometown, man. Really?

[1285] Yeah.

[1286] I mean, I didn't realize how redneck my hometown was until I left it.

[1287] What does it smell like when you go back?

[1288] Because they say that all factory senses, like the sense of smell is manure everywhere.

[1289] You can smell it.

[1290] All factory senses, the sense of smell is something that alters.

[1291] It only picks up alterations and smell.

[1292] It doesn't pick up constant smells.

[1293] So if you live in a town, the town stinks, like some of those industrial pollution places in New Jersey, when you're driving through New Jersey and you smell industrial pollution, those towns, they don't smell it.

[1294] You only smell it because you're driving from fresh air or reasonably fresh air into that area.

[1295] That's how it used to be when I went to Niagara Falls.

[1296] They had this giant factory called Hooker Chemicals.

[1297] And that's what the name of it was, Hooker Chemicals.

[1298] And you would drive in, you're like, this stinks.

[1299] Like paper plants, paper plants stink.

[1300] Like up in Portland.

[1301] Now here's the thing about hooker chemicals It's pretty much been closed down But they won't completely close it down Because if they completely close it down Then they're going to have to go through And clean it up all the environmental cleanup So they just keep like 30 employees In this giant factory That's just huge And they just keep it open Hooker Camp It's cheaper for them to do that Than it is for them to hire someone to come in and clean it up That makes sense There was something Love Canal Do you remember the old Love Canal thing that happened?

[1302] That's Hooker Chemicals.

[1303] They dumped all these...

[1304] That's the same company?

[1305] Yep.

[1306] And they're still open?

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] And they won't close it down because then they have to clean up the environmental mistakes.

[1309] That's awful.

[1310] That's weird that they let them get away with that.

[1311] Well, yeah, it's crazy.

[1312] Is it because it's like one of those legacy companies because it's been around for a long time?

[1313] I think that's just probably the rule.

[1314] If you demolish or shut some down, you've got to clean it up so it's environmentally safe.

[1315] And so these guys just keep it going because it's cheaper to do that.

[1316] That is so fucked up.

[1317] That's so weird.

[1318] Well, it's the same thing with, like, GM right now with their cars, right?

[1319] They're, like, they knew forever.

[1320] Don't they do this something where they, like, they guesstimate how much it would cost to do a recall versus how much it would cost to go to court?

[1321] And if...

[1322] Really?

[1323] Yeah, if something's cheaper, they go with the cheaper option.

[1324] Oh, man, I'm not sure, dude.

[1325] I'm not sure.

[1326] I'm not sure about that.

[1327] I think they do do that.

[1328] I think that was the big thing on...

[1329] What?

[1330] What was the, what was the, you gotta pull that shit up.

[1331] You can't just say that.

[1332] That is, if, if, if it's cheaper to go to court, they'll go to court.

[1333] But if it's, oh, you shut, shut the fuck up, dude, seriously.

[1334] Okay, I'll shut up.

[1335] You gotta Google that.

[1336] You can't say that.

[1337] You can't say that when it comes to cars, man. Everything comes to any major corporation, they'll do the, what's going to cause us more?

[1338] A recall or going to court?

[1339] If a recall is cheaper, they'll do that.

[1340] If court's cheaper, they go to cheat.

[1341] I've heard it.

[1342] I don't, I'll put, I think.

[1343] But you can't, you can't just say that.

[1344] When you say something like that, like, you've got to really know what you're saying.

[1345] I do.

[1346] But you're saying GM, you're saying like a specific company.

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] Somebody might have gotten in trouble for some sort of recall, but it couldn't have been a safety issue.

[1349] Google that.

[1350] Okay, I'll Google it right now.

[1351] Somebody Google it.

[1352] GM.

[1353] Am I saying, okay.

[1354] avoids recall.

[1355] Google.

[1356] Google whether corporations decide whether recall or court is cheaper, they go to cheaper option.

[1357] Can you do that?

[1358] I'm doing that right now.

[1359] It seems like it's from a movie because I remember something like that.

[1360] Like right now, there's not enough people that are having the problem, so we're not going to worry about it.

[1361] Yeah, they guess if it's cheaper for them to...

[1362] You can't just say that.

[1363] Here's the problem with just saying something like that.

[1364] You have to really know what the fuck you're saying.

[1365] You've got to really know what you're saying.

[1366] Because if you just say it, then you don't have to do this.

[1367] that anymore.

[1368] It's 2014.

[1369] You could actually find out.

[1370] So if you want to talk about something, and you want to talk about something as serious as someone not doing a recall, because they'd rather just like get sued, because they can save money that way.

[1371] Yeah.

[1372] You got to know what the fuck you're saying.

[1373] But I'm saying, I know that.

[1374] But you don't know that because you're not pulling up any facts.

[1375] You're not stating any facts.

[1376] I got it in here.

[1377] The supercomputer.

[1378] Dude, you're doing...

[1379] What you're doing is some legacy shit.

[1380] You don't have to do that anymore.

[1381] You have a fucking iPhone.

[1382] You know how to get online.

[1383] The battery's dead.

[1384] Oh, we'll plug it in.

[1385] Son.

[1386] It's the old one.

[1387] Oh, well, you fucking cheap bastard, get a new one.

[1388] I'm going to go get a new one when I get done with this.

[1389] Well, I'm sure there's been some problems with oversight.

[1390] I'm sure there's been some problems with recalls.

[1391] But saying that they, like, actively got together and said, hey, let's just not fucking, let's just not recall these things and just take our, roll our chances with the lawsuit because the study has shown that we can save money if we go that right.

[1392] I believe that's what happens.

[1393] Okay.

[1394] You can't just say that.

[1395] Okay.

[1396] I will not say I believe that.

[1397] That's how you get sued.

[1398] I understand that.

[1399] You can get sued, Sam.

[1400] What if they come, what if GM comes down with the hammer of the law?

[1401] Well, if they can take what I don't have.

[1402] Why would you say that?

[1403] You have a number 11 on the fucking iTunes charts right now.

[1404] It's called You can do it.

[1405] Zoom for the move.

[1406] Believe in yourself.

[1407] Believe in yourself.

[1408] Go Rocky.

[1409] Win, Rocky.

[1410] Believe in yourself.

[1411] Believe in yourself.

[1412] Do you ever thought about doing a song, like a wacky song to go along with you?

[1413] No. I do like Red Band's great songs, though.

[1414] He has a, he should do.

[1415] some live music songs.

[1416] GM says safety is our top priority, and today's announcement puts all manufacturers on notice that they'll be held accountable if they fail to quickly report and address safety -related defects.

[1417] This is U .S. Transportation Secretary Anthony Fox with two X's.

[1418] He said he would continue to aggressively monitor GM efforts in this case and called on Congress to support a move to increase the penalties the regulator can levy in cases like this from a maximum of 35 ,000 or 35 million to 300 million, sending an even stronger message that delays will not be tolerated.

[1419] So this is what they're saying.

[1420] The GM was fined $35 million and agreed to take part in an unprecedented oversight requirements on Friday over its massive recall of cars with faulty igniscent switches that have been linked to 13 deaths.

[1421] The US Department of Transportation imposed the record civil penalty for the automomakers failure to report a safety defect in the vehicle to the federal government in a timely manner.

[1422] So they didn't report it in time.

[1423] What does that mean?

[1424] Did they find out that it was bad and didn't report it in time?

[1425] Have you seen John Oliver's new show?

[1426] But hold on a second.

[1427] We should figure this out because we've been talking about this for a while.

[1428] Yeah, it had something to do with that.

[1429] Well, go ahead, talk.

[1430] I found an article to help you out, Sam.

[1431] On justice .org, there's a they all knew and failed to PDF.

[1432] It's called They Knew and Failed to.

[1433] And these are true stories of corporations that knew their products were dangerous, sometimes deadly, but they failed to do anything about it.

[1434] And one of the things it says is a car company that discovers that if it does not spend $11 per car to fix a defect, hundreds of people will be horribly burned and decides it would be cheaper to let them burn.

[1435] What company did that?

[1436] I don't know, but it's on justice .org, though, there's a whole PDF.

[1437] Wait a minute, we've got to read that.

[1438] It actually says that?

[1439] Yeah, right here.

[1440] But what company?

[1441] A car company just says a car company?

[1442] and it goes through all of it like here's medical devices like heart defibrators what is the title of it again it's called they all they knew and failed to true stories of corporations that knew their products were dangerous sometimes deadly so as far as this GM thing it looks like they definitely fucked up well you know the reason I brought John Oliver because he got he was talking about these memos in which they would tell their employees words they could not use and it's crazy like they knew that these were death traps and that they they were telling their employees you you know you can't say certain words about the cars to describe the cars and they were like insane words like Kovorkian -esque and stuff like that here's one from Firestone tires I guess that they knew their tires were bad yeah I remember that too I think oh they finally announced they knew about it in 1997 and then finally announced in 2000s.

[1443] You know, I think that that was a different era.

[1444] You know that sounds crazy, but 1996, 1997, like comparing that to 2014.

[1445] I mean, I know that was only 20 years ago or 18 years ago, but isn't it fascinating that that might as well been 100 fucking years ago?

[1446] Because that was all pre -Intern.

[1447] In terms of the internet.

[1448] Ford Pinto, remember the Pinto when it used to blow up all the time?

[1449] Oh, yeah.

[1450] They found out they actually had a chart where it says the 180 burn deaths would be 200 ,000 per death, and then they just added up how much it would cost it than to recall a $11 per car with looks like 11 million cars.

[1451] So they found out of...

[1452] Also, they calculated severe burns, serious burns, 2 ,100 burned vehicles, and it all came to 49 .5 million.

[1453] Whether...

[1454] But if to recall, 11 million cars came to 137 million.

[1455] Yeah.

[1456] Oh, my God, those guns.

[1457] That's unbelievable.

[1458] But, you know, the whole thing was that GM was training.

[1459] their people, their employees, how to answer these questions, how to deflect, how to do all this stuff, because they knew they had a faulty thing.

[1460] And when was this?

[1461] This was one they discovered the faulty part in their car.

[1462] Yeah, it's, well, the actual thing was an ignition switch that disabled the airbags in the Chevy Cobalt and the Saturn ion.

[1463] Did you have a Saturn ion?

[1464] What do you have?

[1465] Did you have one of those a long time ago?

[1466] Saturn something?

[1467] Oh, Saturn L -200.

[1468] Oh, and the ion and the cobalts, they knew about it for 10 years.

[1469] Chevy Malibu.

[1470] How crazy is that?

[1471] How crazy is that the placement of the fuel tank in the Chevy Malibu created a big risk exploding in the event of a rear collision.

[1472] So for a couple decades, they knew that was.

[1473] I never even heard about that with the Malibu.

[1474] I was heard it with the Pinto.

[1475] That was like a joke.

[1476] Yeah.

[1477] The Pinto would blow up.

[1478] That was a fucking joke.

[1479] I remember that.

[1480] I saw someone use the Pinto as a punch.

[1481] line the other day and I'm like dude nobody gets that it gets that reference hipster ironic yeah at this point it's kind of hipster ironic it's like old Milwaukee beer yeah yeah so I mean that's just craziest when people start picking cash over life that makes it sad well it's just fucking evil does it now that um paper that you saw that was an internal paper is that what that was yeah this is actually from court records where GM actually would decided that they could have up to 500 fatalities per year.

[1482] Each fatalities valued up $200 ,000.

[1483] There are approximately 41 million GM automobiles currently operating on the U .S. highways.

[1484] And so they were like, you know, doing the math.

[1485] Okay, but were they doing the math about a particular issue?

[1486] Chevy Malbu, yeah.

[1487] Oh, the field tank.

[1488] Oh, my God.

[1489] That's so awful.

[1490] I don't want to ever buy a Chevy again.

[1491] They don't want to buy a Ford again either because the Ford fucking Pinto.

[1492] It's not the same people anymore, obviously.

[1493] Obviously.

[1494] It's a totally different group of people.

[1495] But still, it's like, okay, what is it?

[1496] What do we, you know, do we recall or is it going to be cheaper just to go to court and deal with lawsuits?

[1497] And that's what sucks.

[1498] It's kind of like It's kind of like one of those things That I don't think's gonna be around the future I think with like wiki leaks And shit along these lines Like you're not gonna be able to get away with that You're not gonna be able to get away With saying that someone's life is worth $200 ,000 And so we have X amount of dollars Invested here And you know We'd save 50 million if we just let these people burn Unbelievable Like you all They should hang them by their ankles In a fucking room full with rats Do you think there's a level of like psychopath that you have to get to be like super high up in a corporation where people become just numbers?

[1499] I think people definitely can justify a lot of shit.

[1500] Like you have to detach from humanity and look at people as numbers and resources and all that.

[1501] Whether it's super high up in military, super high up in corporations, any corporations, I'm not just saying like, you know, oil corporations, even just like high up in entertainment like you know it's like sometimes you don't have to no you don't have to be that but definitely a lot of the people that get there are yeah but i think that's all a lot of that is going to be in the past i think it's still going on right now to a certain extent but transparency is making it more and more difficult to get away with shit like that you know it's just it's going to make it more and more difficult to hide what the fuck you did you know and when you we're talking about things like this i don't think you can hide this anymore man that's why you know going back to what we're talking about, all the hackers and all that stuff.

[1502] That's why, like, when this net neutrality stuff is coming up, I'm like, I just don't think the hackers will let that happen.

[1503] Well, they're going to have to for a while, but they're already fighting back.

[1504] One dude hacked into the FCC, FCC, SEC, right?

[1505] That's what it is.

[1506] FCC?

[1507] No. Federal communications?

[1508] Is that what it is?

[1509] They're responsible for the internet?

[1510] Yeah.

[1511] Well, they're the ones making, whether they're going to let Time Warner and what was the other one?

[1512] Verizon.

[1513] Verizon.

[1514] and whatever one's going to be huge.

[1515] AT &T's about to buy direct TV.

[1516] Yeah, and they're freaking out about that.

[1517] But doesn't that go, who does that go back to?

[1518] Was that Clinton that just made it so that every, you know, they could consolidate more?

[1519] I don't know.

[1520] I did that.

[1521] But the point about the, what they're doing with the FCC is that these hackers attacked the SEC's website and turned the FCC website down to 288, like an old school 28 -8 -bit modem so they throttled them down i love this is what this is like stupid yeah like you can't do this this is ridiculous yeah well basically making it so uh you know certain websites you can get too quicker and then if they want to find mine it's gonna take forever for them to find where it is it's evil it's evil and it's just another opportunity that people have to corrupt something to make some money off of it so people do if you let them if you let them but i think transparency again like this is something they would have pulled off in the 80s like that no one would have had a say about it no one would have even known about it maybe a few protests on schools yeah you'd be walking through the campus and someone'd be like save net neutrality'd be like uh save the whale save the seals i gotta go to class you know you would you would sort of like be into it for a little bit but not really totally understand it whereas now it's like hitting your email every day twitter every day i'm a constant hearing about net neutrality i'm constantly hearing about it so it's this different thing where I think today it's way hard to cover shit up.

[1522] And the people that are involved, the last thing those motherfuckers want to do is be up for any public office or being, you know, applying for any sort of a job.

[1523] And explain your role about eliminating net neutrality.

[1524] And what was your position?

[1525] Well, isn't the guy who's in charge of the FCC, like, used to work at like Time Warner or something where he was like he was high up and the company's...

[1526] The king of has a sort of an idea what's going on his head.

[1527] Isn't the guy who wears the dresses isn't wolverine holding hands with guys i've been right so far though with the exception of the wolverine i've been right on everything else you might be right about wolverine and you know where you got the car thing from by the way where it costs money i think you got that from fight club that because edward norton's character actually says that is that it no there's someone else i read that i read that i read i read i read i read i read i read that book about the guy who thought his dad was the, might have been the Zodiac Killer?

[1528] Have you seen that book?

[1529] Are you really reading that?

[1530] Yeah.

[1531] You know, he's not the first.

[1532] There's been several other people that have read the books thinking that their dads were the Zodiac Killer.

[1533] But have you seen like the picture of his dad versus the sketch?

[1534] It's identical.

[1535] Really?

[1536] Oh, yeah.

[1537] Imagine if your dad was out killing other people and you were worried that he was going to get you but you wanted to keep your mouth shut.

[1538] Unbelievable.

[1539] Because he's your dad.

[1540] Unbelievable.

[1541] Well, the marketing work because I bought the book.

[1542] Did you hear about that killer, the guy from Shield, that just killed his wife in front of the kids today, the one actor?

[1543] The Shield?

[1544] Yeah, I think he was the guy, he was the black cop.

[1545] This guy right here.

[1546] What?

[1547] Remember?

[1548] No fucking way.

[1549] Yeah, it was on the news last night.

[1550] They showed him handcuffed.

[1551] God, no, he killed his wife?

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] In front of their kids.

[1554] In front of the kids.

[1555] And it was over money problems.

[1556] I guess he filed for bankruptcy recently.

[1557] Oh, my God.

[1558] He had stopped paying off his house.

[1559] Oh, fuck.

[1560] What is it about people?

[1561] I shot my wife.

[1562] How do people get to that place where they could kill somebody that they loved, at least at one point in time, loved.

[1563] How do you get so low?

[1564] Bankruptcy problems?

[1565] That's really?

[1566] You got to the point where you were on fucking The Shield.

[1567] Yeah, sometimes, though, you don't get back.

[1568] Yeah, but he was on one of the best cop shows ever.

[1569] So you don't get back.

[1570] Do you see a fucking guy who just has a normal life freaking out?

[1571] Because he...

[1572] Wow, look at him there, man. Jesus Christ It's over That is so crazy You imagine how crazy That guy has to be To have just shot his fucking wife He goes from being on Like one of the all -time greatest cop shows Has a crazy role on it A really good role Like he was the gay guy, remember?

[1573] Man, you think that's drugs also?

[1574] Who knows, man?

[1575] I've heard stories about that People Odean and their kids are in the house Guy hanging themselves, kids are in the house It's like, what are you doing, dude?

[1576] killing the wife man so much more common than the wife killing the husband it's a fucking awful awful shit man I guess he was filed bankruptcy and his house was about to go in foreclosure oh better to kill my wife it's not only ready to get a job poor kids it's like the thing where people hit that wall where they don't have any other solution and you know someone will say oh it's depression you know it's depression yeah okay I get it but how does it make you kill somebody now there's no solution it's over yeah i mean because he called 911 and said it oh my god that's gonna be used against them i mean like what are you gonna do who knows man like what do you deal with that i mean it's like i'm not married man i just seen these guys these married guys are just like the only way out is to off and it's always the always the husband it's always the someone you know it's like so funny because well it's not always the husband.

[1577] I mean, it's more often the husband.

[1578] More often.

[1579] The only people that I know were the guy and the woman was Phil Hartman was killed by his wife.

[1580] Wasn't she?

[1581] Yes, she was.

[1582] Yes, she was.

[1583] Yes.

[1584] I heard that awesome.

[1585] Heard it all day.

[1586] All day.

[1587] Whatever it was.

[1588] She was on Zoloft and cocaine.

[1589] When is she an escort?

[1590] I don't know.

[1591] I know.

[1592] I'm sure people have alleged that.

[1593] But, you know, If you go and fuck a guy for dinner, basically you're an escort.

[1594] Yeah.

[1595] A lot of escorts out there.

[1596] God bless them.

[1597] You know, there's a lot of girls that go on dates with guys.

[1598] Just for a free meal?

[1599] Why not fucking them just because they feel bad?

[1600] You go out and bought drinks and dinner.

[1601] That's real.

[1602] It does happen.

[1603] I don't encourage you, but it does happen.

[1604] You don't need to fuck a guy for dinner.

[1605] Joey Diaz has a funny joke about that.

[1606] About the Liberace movie.

[1607] I don't think he does it anymore, but he goes, he goes he goes if uh if somebody buys you a dinner he goes you don't have to fuck him but if you fly a person out somewhere he was talking about liberati flying that guy out to Vegas yeah he goes you fly outs someone's getting the dick sucks yeah 100 % yeah there's a difference gene someone visiting you that's like what people always have an issue with like a girl flying out to hang out with a guy and see the weekend I've had that comics have heard that happen to them like they meet a girl on the road like man I think she's really cool like She's going to come out and visit me. We'll see what's up.

[1608] And the girl flies out to visit him and then nothing.

[1609] I had a buddy who flew a chick.

[1610] He met a chick here in L .A. Flew her to Toronto.

[1611] She took the flight, got to, because she's from Toronto, got there, never called him, never hung out.

[1612] He kept calling her.

[1613] She's like, where are you?

[1614] She, like, didn't.

[1615] Oh, I can't hook up right now.

[1616] She used them for a plane ticket.

[1617] Hey, there's unscrupulous people out there.

[1618] Yeah, and some of them have a vagina.

[1619] Yeah, some of them have penises.

[1620] No one's immune.

[1621] Some of them are gay.

[1622] Crazy comes in all sizes.

[1623] Some of them are gay.

[1624] Yeah.

[1625] Some of them are transgender.

[1626] There's some fucking shady people out there in all walks of life.

[1627] What do you think about the word tranny, transgender, and all that stuff?

[1628] I think if it's okay to call a cab driver a cabbie, you should be able to call a transgender or tranny.

[1629] Yeah, it's just an abbreviation.

[1630] I don't think it's, I believe intent.

[1631] I think what we were talking about earlier, like, When you're talking about what is rape, you know, we all know what's bad, when you define something by a name, you know, when you say like, oh, you have a couple drinks and then you have sex with somebody that's rape, they have sex with you, it's rape, because you've had three drinks, or we have two drinks.

[1632] Now it becomes rape.

[1633] I think defining people, like, this is, this guy, oh, he's a fag.

[1634] Oh, this guy, oh, he's a homo.

[1635] This guy, oh, he's a gay man. Like, what do you, what's in your mind when, what's the intent?

[1636] Yeah, what's in your mind when, you know, if Justin Martindale were here and we're like, well, if homo's like you could stop fucking monkeys, you know, what would we be doing?

[1637] What would our intent be?

[1638] We love Justin.

[1639] Our intent would be to make fun and have a good time and with no hate at all.

[1640] But if we were like sitting here going, well, you know, it's pretty clear in the Bible that the gay will suffer.

[1641] And we say it to him.

[1642] We say it to him in an evil way.

[1643] There's nothing wrong with calling someone gay, right?

[1644] But there's something wrong with saying those words.

[1645] something wrong with projecting that thought.

[1646] Where is it coming from, of course?

[1647] What do you try?

[1648] It's like Patrice O 'Neill when, you know, he got on that MSNBC show or whatever the fuck it was with that lady who was arguing about Opie and Anthony get in trouble for rape jokes.

[1649] Yeah.

[1650] Was it a rape joke or is it a joke about, no, you know what it was?

[1651] It was that homeless guy got on the show and the homeless guy started talking about Condoleezza Rice and he was doing, like saying he would rape her.

[1652] And then they got suspended and what Patrice O 'Neill was trying to.

[1653] to say was that when someone is trying to be funny, like that it's all coming from the same place.

[1654] It's all coming from a place of trying to be funny.

[1655] If it's coming from a place where you trying to hurt someone's feelings or you are discriminating or you are being evil, that's a different thing.

[1656] It's not the label.

[1657] It's the intent behind it.

[1658] And we get all tied up in the words.

[1659] Like they were trying to stop bossy for a while.

[1660] Were you aware of that?

[1661] Yeah, they were trying to say that bossy is like the new cunt, you know, like calling someone bossy is like, doing that with a, he's a, what's a, not ghetto, but what is the word that, like, these NFL players were trying to say, gangster or get, oh, yeah, ghetto is the new N word.

[1662] Getto?

[1663] When he's acting really ghetto.

[1664] Like, this one guy, what's the, what's Richard Sherman, people really flipped out on him because he was like, went off on this football player in the middle of this, uh, interview after a game.

[1665] And he's like, oh, he's all ghetto.

[1666] He's acting all ghetto.

[1667] And they were trying to say that's the new way of saying the N -word.

[1668] Oh, that's hilarious.

[1669] Yeah, and it just becomes something new.

[1670] You know, everybody wants to get offended by other words.

[1671] And it's just like, listen, the N -word and the F -word, there's definitely history behind that.

[1672] When you're F -word compared to when you talk about gay guys, right?

[1673] Right.

[1674] Right.

[1675] There's a history of oppression out there that comes with that word.

[1676] Whereas every group wants to get their own word.

[1677] But what about faggotry?

[1678] I love that word.

[1679] I can understand why, why, okay, listen, you don't like the word faggot.

[1680] I totally understand that.

[1681] Faggotry, though.

[1682] It's the same thing.

[1683] I mean, listen, I say, everybody can say whatever they want to.

[1684] Either you like or you don't, and we move on.

[1685] Yes.

[1686] If you don't like it, you don't like it.

[1687] Don't watch the comedy.

[1688] Don't watch the show.

[1689] Don't buy the product.

[1690] Move the fuck on.

[1691] There's two different things that are a problem here.

[1692] Two very different things.

[1693] There's one, there's the thing is people saying actual slurs, having mean intent, and being, you know, an evil person with evil intent.

[1694] Then there's also another thing going on where people just going after words and the use of words and trying to limit the use of words and trying to limit the language that we use.

[1695] Not the intent and not the thought behind the words.

[1696] Not the philosophy or the way of looking at life, which I think for most of us is constantly evolving and changing from the time we're younger to the time we're older.

[1697] We learn life lessons along the way.

[1698] We have fuck -ups.

[1699] We make mistakes.

[1700] We'd say things we wish we could take back.

[1701] We say things that...

[1702] Yeah, all the time.

[1703] And then we say things that we realize are cool.

[1704] Well, when...

[1705] Add in those things together, you've got a lot of different things going on.

[1706] It's not just about the words themselves.

[1707] What it's about is people having, like, good intent.

[1708] And there's a lot of people also, I think, that they use these words to inject some serious fucking hate and vitriol out into the world.

[1709] They use...

[1710] Other people using those words to be more hateful than the actual use of the word itself.

[1711] You know, the more angry, like, find, you know, YouTube comments where people think they're being social justice warriors going after someone, you know, who might have used an incorrect term.

[1712] Yeah.

[1713] Or going after someone who said his disparaging thing about transgender people or whatever the fuck it is.

[1714] You're just going to find fucking anger and hate coming from people that are supposedly progressive on a scale that you rarely see even coming from people that are conservative.

[1715] What I hate about the political correct movement is that how much fine print comes with that word, meaning like they totally accept it and almost in their brains convince themselves that this person who they approve of uses the word is actually using that word to make fun of those who use the word as negative.

[1716] They actually convince themselves of it.

[1717] There's so much talking about the Colbert report thing.

[1718] You know that story?

[1719] You know that story?

[1720] Yeah, that girl drives me fucking nuts.

[1721] If you don't know that story, it's a genius story.

[1722] He's so smart.

[1723] Yeah, well, let's cancel Colbert was this thing that started, you know, trending online because they thought that Stephen Colbert put out a racist joke.

[1724] Like, pull the video, it'll probably pull us off of YouTube, but I think it's fair use.

[1725] We could just do that article about it Yeah, but the Suey Chew is her name or so?

[1726] Suey Park.

[1727] And you know, she's She uses a lot of big words And she uses a lot of progressive lingo Well, she was interviewed by somebody on Huffington Well, let's explain.

[1728] It's explained the thing The punch line was I'm willing to show the Asian community I care by introducing the Ching Chong Ding Dong Foundation for sensitivity To Orientals or whatever And it was meant to be a satirical analog to the Washington Redskins' original Americans foundation.

[1729] Yeah, which is hilarious.

[1730] Yeah, I mean, it's funny.

[1731] It's so funny.

[1732] When you hear it coming from Colbert, he's making fun of their callous way.

[1733] How stupid they are that the people who want to keep the name Redskins.

[1734] So people, some people only saw one part of it.

[1735] And I think it was a tweet that was put out.

[1736] So Cancel Colbert, Comedy Central actually put out the tweet.

[1737] The hashtag Cancel Colbert became one of Twitter's twending twending twopics across the United States.

[1738] And it was because this one chick.

[1739] But it's not just her because whether she was wrong, I mean, she might have like saw that and overreacted and then didn't understand what was going on.

[1740] Satire.

[1741] Didn't see the whole thing.

[1742] Just saw a part of it.

[1743] started it off, and then boom, she was caught up in this wave of interaction.

[1744] Well, I would say I would disagree with that statement that she was caught up in it because she would keep doing interviews about it well after, you know, like a week or so after people are like, you understand it's satire, and then the guy interviewer on this Huffstein Post thing, which was really funny, and she's like, I know it's sad, and she gives the literal definition of satire, meaning that she basically read what the definition was.

[1745] She didn't get the joke.

[1746] Well, here's where it gets even better.

[1747] By lunchtime, Deadspin published a post by two Korean American writers with the tongue -and -cheek headline, Gooks Don't Get Redskinned Joke.

[1748] So fellow Asian Americans were attacking her, and Cancel Colbert became a joke more than anything.

[1749] And then not only did it not get canceled, well, he got the goddamn.

[1750] Tonight Show, or the late show with David Letterman.

[1751] He's the new late show.

[1752] Which almost makes me wonder if the whole thing was fake.

[1753] I mean, my whole opinion is that I'm starting to see like these things, these internet outrages over statements being made by comedians.

[1754] And it almost gives a point where I, sometimes I wonder if they're just fake outrage, just the drum up publicity behind this, what's being said.

[1755] No, it's people realize that they can get attention.

[1756] That's exactly what's going on.

[1757] They realize they can get attention or they can get attention by pretending to be upset at something.

[1758] Or what if the people who said the statement people behind them drum up fake outrage?

[1759] Put out this pout, pull up this poutrage, p -o -ut - dash rage of Suey Park as Colbert lands the late show.

[1760] There's this guy who does his online commentary picking apart everything from this this controversy to feminism to everything.

[1761] I mean, he's pretty hilarious.

[1762] So Sui Park, Miss Canceled Colbert.

[1763] His name's Thunderfoot.

[1764] Another article in Time magazine.

[1765] The cross -promotion of more white male celebrities proves it.

[1766] The entertainment industry has perfected the development of white cis straight male characters and the marginalization of other voices, except when those other.

[1767] are bought in only to aid in the cheap punchline of a joke.

[1768] This is, they're showing people of color being badass.

[1769] And women, this is...