#602 - Ari Shaffir & Duncan Trussell

[0] The Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night.

[3] I need a new theme song.

[4] It's time?

[5] Yeah, 600 episodes.

[6] I think it's...

[7] Yeah, but you haven't had that for the first 100.

[8] Yeah, whatever than is.

[9] 500.

[10] Yeah, maybe.

[11] I mean, it's great.

[12] I love it.

[13] I used to like the...

[14] Tell Nick Diaz that if he doesn't win, then you've got to get a new theme song.

[15] I will never take his voice off the theme song.

[16] song.

[17] We'll do a new theme song and we'll incorporate his voice.

[18] That was one of the coolest moments of my life.

[19] Are you kidding me?

[20] Nick Diaz wins.

[21] He's got his hands up in the air.

[22] He's like, training by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night all day.

[23] I was like, that's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me. Next to the birth of my children.

[24] It's right up down.

[25] Wow.

[26] So we're all here because we're friends and this is an intervention, Duncan.

[27] I know you thought this was a podcast.

[28] I can't stop masturbating.

[29] You're going to.

[30] You're going to have it.

[31] I'm not going to stop, man. Because, Ari, tell them about the demons.

[32] Tell them what happens.

[33] I don't know if we know this.

[34] When Jews know that when people masturbate, they're actually fucking a demon that's on top of you.

[35] Yeah.

[36] That you can't even see.

[37] When you come, it comes into her belly and you have demon babies.

[38] The only way to get the Jews out of my body is to jerk off Jews.

[39] Oh, yeah, wait a minute.

[40] The only way to get the Jews out of your body is a jerk off.

[41] The demons out of my body.

[42] Oh, you have to.

[43] Anytime, like, sometimes I get possessed by demons.

[44] Yeah.

[45] And they swell up in my chest.

[46] and they cause my penis to expand and to change shape.

[47] You know what I'm talking about?

[48] When the demon gets inside of you and makes your penis?

[49] Yeah, and your penis changes shape.

[50] It's very strange.

[51] I've seen that.

[52] It comes like this tape -off marshmallow guy.

[53] Yeah.

[54] So you get demons too.

[55] So when these things come, sometimes I'm not talking sexy movies.

[56] The only thing that gets the demon out is if I jerk off a Semitic man. And then when I do that, I see the demon come out of my penis in the form of this white, salty substance and it goes back to normal your penis no it stays like crazy crazy stays aggressive yeah it's always screaming howling at night so we're here this is not happening the new show in Comedy Central Ari Shafir officially a baller just had his new Comedy Central hour special paid regular that was the coolest shit man the comedy store was tweeting photos of the red band tweeted some too of the patio the filled patio, everybody out there watching your special on TV while you were performing in the O -R.

[57] That was the craziest picture.

[58] Jeff Scott showed me a picture of you on stage, live at the store, and on stage.

[59] And my special was from that same stage.

[60] And you know it's even cooler if people come to see you now, I think your new material now is some of the best shit you've ever done.

[61] It's right up there with the best bits you've ever done.

[62] The new shit that you're doing now, the stuff you did in Vegas, it's fucking great, man. It's really funny shit without telling me about...

[63] I got like eight of it.

[64] What did you say?

[65] You got eight minutes?

[66] Eight minutes of that.

[67] That's all right, dude.

[68] Just keep swinging, you know?

[69] I'm like at about 40 right now.

[70] But it's 40 that I don't know it that well.

[71] Yeah, yeah.

[72] Well, now it's still ever evolving.

[73] Like, you used to say Jarvis, his friend Jarvis, my friend, too, Jarvis, he used to say that bits were like, like, cooling metal or cooling honey.

[74] So it was, like, real fluid.

[75] Then as it gets cooler, it takes, like, more and more shape until it becomes, like, the same thing every time.

[76] That's cool.

[77] Yeah, remember that?

[78] I don't remember.

[79] You told me, and you're a talent coordinator, you told me that.

[80] That's an interesting way to look at it.

[81] I've always felt that they grow, though.

[82] I always felt that they're a living thing, and they become sturdy.

[83] Like, they start off as like little saplings, and they're like, oh, sometimes they look impressive, and sometimes they come out, they're fucking trees.

[84] There's certain bits that I've done that were already a tree before they ever got to the stage.

[85] Like the vegan bit that was just on my last special, I wrote that bit all after one conversation.

[86] Did you name that bit Jamie Kielstein?

[87] to Jamie Kielstein was low.

[88] No. Jamie Kielstein, believe it or not, even though he talks a lot about being a vegan, he's not preachy about it.

[89] And he also admits that he ate a lot of meat.

[90] He's a bad example of that.

[91] Jamie Kielstein gets a bad rap.

[92] And part of it is because the conversation that he and I had on the show, but he's not a bad deal.

[93] What was that conversation?

[94] I don't remember that.

[95] If he's out there listening, Jamie Kielstein, I think you're a good dude.

[96] I really do.

[97] I think he's genuinely, like, what he's trying to do, he genuinely thinks he's doing like really good things and he's just it was about the um the daniel tosh rape thing you know daniel tosh made that joke um where he asked the audience what they wanted to talk about some guy yells out rape and daniel tosh starts saying like yeah what a great subject like what's so funny about rape is it the humiliation is it the violence some woman says actually nothing is funny about rape and he goes wouldn't it be funny if five guys just raped her right now like and it became this big so i mean first of all that's the kind of shit that happens at a goddamn comedy club yeah you know we all know that and the guy's just trying to be funny while he's on his toes on a stage in the spur of the moment yeah it's what to me it's like a non -issue yeah so jamie and i disagreed with it heavily because he felt like it's lazy and he felt like it contributed to rape culture which is a term that like gets bandied about it's a it's a weird term you know some people think it's a horseshit term you know there is no rape culture it's a real thing that's why if you see the Indian comics from India and stuff they're super a rape jokey and it comes out in their consistent gang rips no that's all that that's pretty much like all our comics just talk about rape and gang rape and then it really leads into the culture he's talking with us no Indian comics what about Russell Peters he's Canadian what about his aunt sorry he's fucking from Houston dude these are they're Indians How dare you?

[98] They're brown as fuck.

[99] I think there are Indian comics.

[100] They must be, for sure.

[101] I don't know.

[102] Do they have a scene?

[103] They must be.

[104] They have a giant movie industry there.

[105] Oh, yeah.

[106] Their movie industry is bigger than our movie industry.

[107] Super porny, right?

[108] Isn't there always long sex scenes in those?

[109] If you consider juggling fruit and singing in between a gunfighting scene morning.

[110] It's like all their movies still have like musical numbers where like they will start in the middle of a real action movie when i went to india we would like we would take volume and go to this movie theater in new deli and just watch their movies because they're so trippy but yeah in the middle of like an action movie uh it'll stop into a musical number that like a real serious action movie why it's just their culture they like it they like that style of that's what it's supposed to be well mean we used to like it and if you go back and try to watch those old movies well all those like Gene Kelly movies, they would start dancing in the street.

[111] Everybody would stand there and people would dance around them.

[112] They had music videos that broke out in the middle of a movie.

[113] So they have all these plots.

[114] Yeah, they have all these plots.

[115] They have real language.

[116] They have real dialogue.

[117] They have a real storyline.

[118] It's so weird, though.

[119] Would you see it?

[120] Like, why are they singing?

[121] They wouldn't be singing?

[122] Never.

[123] Why are they talking in Ryan?

[124] What are you talking about?

[125] Well, it's the someone's desire, the one person's desire, in the middle of a gigantic performance where people are interacting with each other.

[126] It's one person's desire to totally steal the spotlight.

[127] And the best way to do that is by singing.

[128] Everybody has to stand around and listen while John we're all like support.

[129] We're in the back and John's in the center.

[130] He's singing.

[131] We're snapping.

[132] Yeah, and he's got this great point and we're all like, wow, yeah.

[133] And he's singing about life.

[134] And everyone's letting him move around.

[135] John's singing about life.

[136] Nobody stops and go, what are you fucking doing, man?

[137] Like, why are you saying?

[138] Like, nobody interacts with them.

[139] There's no interacting.

[140] It's just one guy, which is what the theater to some folks is all about.

[141] That moment on stage, holding the skull.

[142] Look upon thee.

[143] That reminds me, man. I got a million -dollar idea.

[144] What's that?

[145] Found footage musical.

[146] Like, you know how those found footage movies, but they find one where, like, people are actually singing.

[147] Like a real musical.

[148] Yeah.

[149] No music is playing.

[150] It's singing.

[151] Yeah, like, what the fuck are they doing?

[152] That would be great.

[153] Really bad songs.

[154] But like this choppy video.

[155] Like, oh, he's not really good.

[156] It's totally happening right now.

[157] I got another, I got a great idea to do with it.

[158] A fucking, an improvised musical reality show.

[159] It's all improvised musicals.

[160] But they got to do it in song and dance.

[161] That's a great idea.

[162] You got to bring them into a situation.

[163] Big brother, it's song.

[164] That's hilarious.

[165] And the audience doesn't know.

[166] So they have.

[167] have to, they're, people are going to interact with them.

[168] So they have to sing out to this, like, restaurant or bar.

[169] Have you ever seen the video?

[170] There's a video with this, bringing you back to activists that sometimes missed the point.

[171] There was a video of this lady.

[172] She steps into a chicken restaurant, and she starts talking about, this is not food.

[173] This is violence.

[174] You know, and there's a little girl, you know, she starts saying, and she just wants to live.

[175] She just wants to be happy, and she just wants to live.

[176] and this little girl was going to die just like all of her sisters and all of her brothers and her family.

[177] A chicken?

[178] A chicken.

[179] And she rescued this chicken.

[180] And so she was like videos of the same gal with her chicken at home.

[181] You know, it's like, so she goes into a restaurant and disrupts all these people and, like, tells this whole story and then explains that it's her, you know, her chicken.

[182] And then a whole crew of assholes come in behind her with signs.

[183] This is not food.

[184] It's violence.

[185] I mean, it's so weird And they're like, we're just running a restaurant Dude, it seems like a parody It seems like someone is just badass Some Tim and Eric type dude Just put together some badass parody That's so subtle you're like not sure Right Like is this bitch really this crazy That she's referring to this chicken as her girl?

[186] Yeah, it seems sometimes that like activists Aren't aware of the fact that if their stunt Isn't pulled off in the right way it seems like it could be more detrimental.

[187] It comes off super lame.

[188] You know, like people will, the response is going to be to eat more chicken.

[189] Yeah.

[190] Because people, yeah, just because you're like, I don't want to be associated with this kind of behavior.

[191] And if that means eating chicken, then I guess I'll eat more chicken.

[192] So it's like, it's dangerous to be an activist if you are not really subtle or if you aren't skillful in what you're doing.

[193] Like being an activist, It's awesome.

[194] Just make sure that you're graceful when you do it.

[195] Well, not only that.

[196] You have to have a real objective sense of what actions you're putting out there and how those actions are going to be perceived.

[197] And if you fake it, people can see through it, and it seems lame.

[198] Well, there's some people that have this idea that their idea, what they're protesting against is more important than anything that's going to disrupt, anything that's going to involve that, like Greenpeace.

[199] Do you see what Greenpeace did with the NASCAR lines?

[200] Oh, yeah, they fucked them up.

[201] It's so fucking crazy.

[202] These dumb assholes Went to the NASCA lines And they set up a green NASCA lines Are these They don't even know how old they are Okay They're thousands of years old These line Meanwhile I'm like They don't even know how they're old they are They're thousands of years old I think they've dated them You just revealed that you're an immortal What are they?

[203] They've dated them to more than a thousand years Whatever it is It's no There are all sorts of geometric patterns Animals All sorts of different things Some of them are animals Some of them are spiders There are all these weird patterns you can only see from the sky.

[204] Oh, patterns.

[205] Okay.

[206] Yeah, oh, I'm sorry.

[207] So, they're patterns that are in, their patterns that are made on these, like, flat plains.

[208] And some of them are just a bunch of rocks that are pieced together in these lines.

[209] And people have left them, undisturbed, because they're so cool, forever.

[210] So you can't just go there and walk around on them.

[211] You can't fuck.

[212] These assholes went there, and they used some of the stones as, like, paperweights.

[213] They pick some of the rocks off the ground.

[214] Why?

[215] Why do they go there?

[216] To put a sign up.

[217] this fucking stupid, a Greenpeace sign.

[218] Oh.

[219] See that pull it.

[220] Do you got a photo of it, Jamie?

[221] Pull it up.

[222] What dicks.

[223] It's so douchy and arrogant.

[224] It sucks because a lot of what Greenpeace does is really good, which is they stop people from killing whales.

[225] Remember when we beat the shit out of it?

[226] Just there's photos, Jamie.

[227] Go to photos Greenpeace NASCA lines.

[228] It's not can remember we beat up a seal outside of a product store for Greenpeace.

[229] So look what these assholes did.

[230] see see how cool that that design is that pattern that pattern has been there for that just naturally happened in the oh right and they were they were using stones from that to put their sign down what's that about what the with the foot thing so they weren't disturbing people i don't know what the fuck they think they're doing they're still disturbing it by doing that like sometimes standing on that look your fucking footprints are also on that paper i could see the bottom of your tread you know what that means that means you stand you stood on that shit you stood on that shit somewhere and i'm supposed to believe that you're doing this all ethically yeah backfire it backfired they shouldn't have done that it backfire and that sucks because all the people who are who are doing good work look like assholes now exactly exactly that sucks yeah okay so this is this is the actual wow those are the lines like that yeah yeah what makes them we don't know that's so cool they don't know who made them they really don't know That's it?

[231] Wow.

[232] That's not just like movement, like a magnetic movement, right?

[233] Oh, no, no, no, no. These are made.

[234] I mean, someone definitely, definitely, without a doubt, made it.

[235] Is that in sand or is that in stone?

[236] This is so funny.

[237] Some people think the geometric ones could indicate a flow of water that's connected to rituals to summon water.

[238] The spiders, birds, plants could be fertility symbols.

[239] Other possible explanations include irrigation schemes.

[240] or giant astronomical calendars.

[241] Why isn't everyone trying to figure it out?

[242] That looks like a bird.

[243] Yeah, well, they're definitely trying to figure out.

[244] There's a dog.

[245] There's a monkey.

[246] What?

[247] You've seen the monkey?

[248] No. Yeah, pull up the monkey, Jeremy.

[249] They're so good.

[250] There's a dick butt.

[251] There's a spider.

[252] That looks like, what's his name?

[253] If you keep throwing, you'll find a monkey down there.

[254] There's a monkey in one of them.

[255] It's really cool.

[256] It's got like, there's birds with like bird feet and shit.

[257] There's a gang of it.

[258] How did Bill Cosby and Ellen?

[259] ecstasy get mixed in with that.

[260] It's weird to see the images.

[261] Hashtags?

[262] People hashtag everything.

[263] Hashtag.

[264] Well, do you remember when they used to do that with websites?

[265] They would code certain words into websites.

[266] It's like a person.

[267] Porn, porn, porn, funny, funny.

[268] Yeah, people think it's an alien, that thing, that person with the eyeballs.

[269] Oh, click on that.

[270] Whoa.

[271] Yeah, but that's how my daughter draws people.

[272] So, you know, so everybody says it's an alien, it's an alien.

[273] Well, maybe.

[274] Maybe it also might be...

[275] Did that Star Trek once?

[276] Might be a giant two -year -old.

[277] It might be really shitty artists.

[278] For thousands of years.

[279] The shitty artist of the Parangetti.

[280] Like, I had this conversation with this dude who was trying to tell me about, you know, these images that were on cave walls were, you know, aliens.

[281] Depictions of aliens.

[282] It was Graham Hancock, who I love.

[283] But I was like, come on, man. That might not be an alien.

[284] That could be a lot of shit.

[285] These people...

[286] They want to believe.

[287] But not only that, but it was...

[288] thousands of years ago.

[289] Just what they saw back then.

[290] I think it was aliens.

[291] That's when they fucked us.

[292] Pull up the monkey, Jamie.

[293] And you see this monkey.

[294] I want to see the thing before.

[295] Type in monkey.

[296] Because it's really cool.

[297] It's got a curly tail.

[298] It's crazy crazy.

[299] Go down a little bit.

[300] Go down a little bit.

[301] Go down more, more, more, more, more.

[302] Stop.

[303] Up, up, up a little.

[304] Up.

[305] We get it.

[306] It's gone.

[307] I forgot it.

[308] Well, there was a dog to the left.

[309] Do you see that one to the far left, Jamie?

[310] About three down?

[311] oh it's okay just let's see try to find the monkey where's that monkey where's the fucking monkey man on why they hide the monkey from us no well if you go to the wikipedia you could see the monkey look here's the mastic oh wow cool here it is are you see that looks like it's puking or something it's on the wikipedia if you go to the wikipedia look at the monkey oh that way how big is that how big is that how big is it there oh it's huge it's enormous like how big is a person a toe I don't know that's a good question that's a very good question but they're really big i mean you you like you see when those people were walking around i mean these are like you know oh right they were laying that it's weird it looks like it was drawn like with a finger on a tablet or something it doesn't look like a shit ton of people spent a long time look the tail kind of wore out they've had some damage with mudslides too apparently yeah they but they they really there's all sorts of explanations but nobody goes there they just look at it yeah and then the green Greenpeace people went there.

[312] I think aliens came, visited these people, gave them, like showed them some incredible shit.

[313] They left.

[314] The people want them to come back.

[315] So they draw these shapes on the ground hoping that they'll return.

[316] It's classic cargo cult behavior.

[317] That's where it all is, right?

[318] And they're the same place in Peru?

[319] Yeah.

[320] Yeah, this is one area.

[321] It's really fascinating also because there's what looked like landing strips there.

[322] Yes.

[323] There's long parallel lines.

[324] They want them to come back.

[325] That's what it is.

[326] That's got to be that.

[327] That's what it is.

[328] They want it to come back.

[329] It doesn't have to be.

[330] It could be they just, you know, they just figured out how to draw a shit in the ground that you could see from the sky.

[331] Maybe they just thought it was an interesting way to do something.

[332] That they couldn't see.

[333] Well, they could.

[334] They just couldn't see it really well.

[335] You know, you could only really truly see what it is when you're up above it.

[336] But, I mean, it's not impossible that they could measure it and do it all on the ground.

[337] I'm just proposing, you know, being the devil's advocate, like, it's not impossible that they did those.

[338] you could see the ground.

[339] I mean, you're looking down at your feet.

[340] It's not like it's invisible to you.

[341] If you're going to get me to help you do a 12 -mile -wide monkey...

[342] It's not that big.

[343] They're not that big.

[344] How big is it?

[345] They're not that big.

[346] They're, you know, a few hundred feet wide, I think, the really big ones, but they're not like 12 miles long or anything crazy.

[347] Maybe I'd do it.

[348] The lines themselves are superficial.

[349] They're only 10 to 30 centimeters deep and could be washed away.

[350] Really?

[351] Yeah.

[352] So that's why nobody goes there because they'll wear it down?

[353] It's only...

[354] ever received a very small amount of rain but there's issues also that the great changes that we're seeing to the climate that it might start raining there hmm not fucked yeah but they'll get crops well at least what you know everybody's like really hooked up crops ever but everyone yeah crops would be better than these stupid lines right yeah but everybody's really like the monkey lines shut up eat this they have it in their head that you know this um that this site is like it's super important but But we have all the images.

[355] Like, once we have the images, if the water comes and washes everything away, at least we've documented, we know these people made these things.

[356] We don't know why or when.

[357] They think it's the NASCAR culture, which is like, I think it said here, 400 to 650 AD.

[358] So they live there and maybe carve those things?

[359] They think.

[360] So that's over a thousand years ago.

[361] That's, you know, more than as much as 1500 years ago.

[362] Could be longer.

[363] Crazy shit, man. They don't really have any explanation for why, but there's a lot of, I mean, it could be aliens, right?

[364] I mean, if we can go to Mars, man, we can send a robot to Mars, it's so arrogant to think that we're the only ones that could do that.

[365] I've never seen any evidence whatsoever that's even remotely compelling that aliens have visited here, none of it.

[366] None of it that's outside of other, like, there's not one thing that stands out where you say that had to be aliens.

[367] It couldn't have just been really smart people.

[368] Not one thing.

[369] any of them left anything well they might have it might have when when we're looking at the pyramids when we might be looking at is someone's knowledge and information from another culture well don't the pyramids somehow point to serious or serious sort of sort of well it depends he see there's a thing called the procession the equinoxes so the earth spins yeah right you know it's like it's there's like a wobble to the earth and so when you see this the stars it's not always the same and it it wobbles like, you know, every X amount of thousands of years.

[370] So depending upon where you think these were constructed, you would have a different star line.

[371] You'd have a different thing that you would see.

[372] There's a guy named John Anthony West, who's just amazing when it comes to this shit.

[373] His whole video series, it's called Magical Egypt, it's so good.

[374] If you've never, it's like if you're not even interested at all in Egypt, you're like, eh, that's fucking boring, a bunch of people living in the sand like assholes.

[375] if you watch one of these videos i would love it i would if i was high just being silly if i was just trying to be funny i would say that but um his videos just are super in depth about the construction methods and how big it is and like all the magical things about the way they built them they think that it was a culture that lived a long fucking time before we think not just like 2 ,500 BC but like he's of the the notion that it's like 10 ,000 plus BC and if you go to 10 ,000 bc apparently where the lion is a sphinx where it's pointing would be directly over the constellation Leo oh I like the serious theory better the dog star what is that it's like Robert Anton Wilson's crazy idea that the that we are possibly currently exist in the serious star cluster in what we're having this experience of reality pumped into our consciousness as a form of training for something like matrix pods like we're yeah matrix pods and that there's like so that there's like clues left in the simulator pointing back home and just to just as a little cookie like you weave in video games you know or maybe people a long time ago were more aware of the fact that this is a an interdimensional academy, a kind of Hogwarts for young godlings who are trying to, like, who have the potential to become like universe creators.

[376] But before they're released to, like, create their own dimensions, they have to go through this infinite loop again and again and again until you learn that the most important thing is to love the people around you more than you love yourself.

[377] And then boom, no more than you can be a god.

[378] Then you can be a god.

[379] Well, yeah, then you can, then we can trust you to fuck around with like our black hole machine or whatever.

[380] I'm not going to put you in charge of black holes until you're a selfish shithead.

[381] That always seems to me like if that was really like a plot, if someone had designed like people with this sort of like puzzle in front of them, the plot is, eventually they're going to get intelligent enough they're going to figure out the plot.

[382] Yeah.

[383] That seems to me to be like a really shitty way of doing things.

[384] Yeah.

[385] It's like there's God, that's like very, that's like very, tell them how to do it.

[386] It's very godlike.

[387] Yeah.

[388] You will learn eventually.

[389] Just tell me. That's not the way you teach kids.

[390] Well, in that sense, it's like that confusion that people feel in, like, the existential angst of being a person where you don't know what the fuck you are, where you're going, what happens when I die.

[391] Like, almost universally, that needs to be plugged up.

[392] Whether it's plugged up with this alien story, whether it's plugged up with, you know, a Mormon story, whatever.

[393] You're just got to plug it up.

[394] Yeah.

[395] You're talking about, like, that aching feeling of terror.

[396] that like some people that's men that what what are we doing here what are we doing here though yeah right they there's a there's a there's a great uh existentialist philosopher slash author camu you ever heard of come of course i haven't heard of camus you haven't no you're fucking strangers one my favorite you'd love him man you would love him yeah you'd love him but his the thing my mother died yesterday or was it the day before i can't remember that's the first line yeah wow Yeah, it's really good, but he, like, that thing that you're talking about, that aching fucking thing, his premise, C -A -M -U -S, his premise and a lot of, uh, of his ilk, their premise is that that, that is being human, like, that awful feeling of, like, having a hole that you are constantly trying to plug up.

[397] What does the name of his book?

[398] What's the name of the stranger?

[399] Well, the myth of Sisyphus, the stranger.

[400] Yeah, the stranger is a novel.

[401] Yeah, try the myth of Sisyphus if you want to get into the philosophy.

[402] angle but uh it's pretty it's pretty cool stuff but it will give you that chilling kind of sycophis s y s y s is there another wine there sis sis s ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys ys yfus you know it's beautiful i don't really need to totally know that no it'll fill out for you yeah you probably mean that's right yeah next thing they're able to be on the kindle crack crack you know sisyph you know that is sisyphs sycifice is this was cursed it's a greek myth was cursed by the gods to eternally push a boulder up to the very top of a hill, and then to let it roll back down the hill.

[403] Right when to get to the top, it would roll away back down.

[404] That story.

[405] And so this is the, like, the, eternally, right?

[406] Eternally.

[407] So, like, some existentialists look at the human predicament, and they point out the fact that you're going to die.

[408] No one will remember you in a few hundred years.

[409] All most human achievements that have happened in the past are completely lost, gone, forgotten.

[410] Even though they're in history, it's still.

[411] ultimately a meaningless thing in the sense that you have this inevitable personal extinction that's going to happen uh and so the predicament in life is one of why go on being sisyphus here we are anything we do push it up the fucking hell it's going to like roll back down we got to start over push it up the hill roll back down this is a kind of human archetype for how do we in the midst of what appears to be meaninglessness in the infinite scale find meaning in and in like human endeavors when the whole thing's going to get wiped out by the sun.

[412] Yeah, some of those philosophers have brought them to God.

[413] What's that?

[414] Some of those existentialists have brought them to God because they were like, this must be the answer.

[415] The exist, weirdly, there are like theological or theistic existentialists, like, Swar and Kierkegaard.

[416] There's some of them are, and do you believe in God?

[417] Weird, but then there's like, there's nothing.

[418] Yeah, then they're the ones who are just like, no, it's just all nausea and confusion, my friends.

[419] It's just a...

[420] See, I don't buy that.

[421] Because I don't buy them knowing.

[422] I don't buy anyone that says, nope, it's nothing.

[423] Nope, there's nothing.

[424] Like, how do you know there's nothing?

[425] You have no idea.

[426] Yeah, but there's no examples.

[427] There's no proof for something.

[428] You're right.

[429] You don't even bring it up.

[430] Right, you don't bring it up.

[431] But you don't say...

[432] It's not...

[433] But you don't...

[434] Yeah, you don't say it's not something either.

[435] But, Ari, you land more in that camp, don't you?

[436] It's not.

[437] It's not even part of the conversation.

[438] Get out of here with that shit.

[439] What if...

[440] What if fish were once...

[441] bears well if you look at the fossil record is there any reason to think that otherwise what are you talking about I think there is I think there's reason to think that fish or bears or whatever the fuck you want to think if it gets you in the zone right this is that it's like because there's like a that's like taking two dribbles before you think a foul shot like it's just like ritual makes you feel better that's fine that thing you just described the two dribbles before the foul shot that's called chaos magic that's the roots of a magical system that's based on the idea that these symbols themselves, they lack any inherent meaning outside of the mind state that they place you in.

[442] And so if they help you transform your will into reality.

[443] So if that ritual helps you score, if whatever the fucking thing is that you do prior to sitting down to ride or prior to whatever it is that your job happens to be, if that actually puts your mind in a state where you are more likely to receive inspiration or you're going to be more graceful or athletic, then that's all that fucking matters.

[444] Who cares if it's a lie?

[445] Yeah, that's all that matters.

[446] The symbols themselves, do you, I mean, are you really going to, like, worry over the actual existence of an elephant -headed god that can shrink himself down and ride around on a mouse?

[447] If you have a good family union over it and you're raised well, then it's like, all right, fine.

[448] I don't think the issue is a belief system as much as the issue is getting caught up in an ideology that you can't question yeah that's because when you do that if you you want to go in the thor camp or whatever camp you want to go to you believe is the you know the grand ruler of the fucking yeah zeus yeah no matter who it is in the name of god odin odin right praise odin yes anytime you can't question anything you're fuxville you know if you have something you believe in that's probably empowering what's not empowering is when you subscribe to an ideology.

[449] Because if you believe that there's some all eternal, loving God that's looking over you and judging you every day and that you have to do your best to make him proud, that is your divine father.

[450] He created you.

[451] And you know deep in your DNA what the good things you're supposed to do is.

[452] If you really go live your life like that, you'll probably live a pretty fucking cool life.

[453] You'll be really nice to people.

[454] You'd be super righteous.

[455] You'd want to make your daddy God all proud of you and shit.

[456] The problem is when you subscribe to an ideology.

[457] and that doesn't let you question anything the problem is not believing in a god the problem is now what do you have to do because you believe that god well now you have to stop gay marriage you have to stop guys from masturbating you have to stop people from doing this and stop people from doing that way yeah you got to listen to me because my way is the right way and the lord is the true lord Islam is the truth all of that stuff it's all the same shit it's all the same shit the ideology is the problem it's not the believing in god what does this motherfucker god want you to go do because you want you You know you to strap dynamite to your chest and walk into a cafe.

[458] But God gets associated.

[459] Just like you were talking with the chicken lady.

[460] God gets associated with that.

[461] So then you want to be like, no, fuck them and fuck the thing they believe in.

[462] Exactly.

[463] Well, yeah, it's like what happens is there's violent people in the world.

[464] And they like to be violent.

[465] They enjoy it.

[466] It gets them off.

[467] But they can't rationalize the fact that they enjoy being violent because it seems so monstrous and animalistic.

[468] So you need a reason.

[469] So religion is a fantastic.

[470] way to justify every dark activity that humans engage you can fucking like did you see the thing that popped up on the internet isis's guide to having child sex slaves did you see that like they have a guide book which is like they have questions like there's important questions if you have a slave that's underage that's a girl and you're wanting or i guess a guy i don't i guess they don't like gay people so if you have an underage sex slave that's a girl and you are in isis you're going to have some questions right the number one being when do i get to fuck her yeah and this is a guidebook where they're like well can you fuck her well if she's able to have sex in this guidebook it says if she's able to have sex yeah but if she's not then you can enjoy her in other ways like just don't penetrate her but that's a real thing man they put they're putting that and they're quoting how do we know this is real and how we don't know it's like some CIA plant we don't know that it could be and I did think that like this could be propaganda I thought that but this is this is this could be propaganda.

[471] But they do.

[472] They are taking slaves.

[473] Like, it is a thing that they are taking slaves.

[474] And some of those slaves are women.

[475] And if you have a female slave that you've taken, that you've captured from your enemy.

[476] They generally raped that.

[477] Then you are going to have some questions about the, like, as a religious person.

[478] If you want to live ethically, absolutely.

[479] Yeah.

[480] What are you going to do with your, how do you ethically fuck this girl?

[481] Like when the dishwasher was invented, Jews had to go to the rabbis and said, are we allowed to put milk and meat dishes in here?

[482] Yeah.

[483] What's the ruling here?

[484] That kind of shit.

[485] That kind of logic.

[486] They use that based on their slaves and their sex slaves.

[487] What is the answer to that?

[488] A lot of Jews have separate dishwashers.

[489] That's hilarious.

[490] They're not like flaceous.

[491] Oh, my goodness, if you want to be kosher.

[492] Yeah.

[493] The main thing is, the main thing is this.

[494] What the, I mean, how it's awful as like the sex slavery is and as ridiculous as that is, the structure is always the same.

[495] Yeah.

[496] Which is a very manipulative, charismatic, power -hungry, narcissistic guy has convinced some dumb people that he has got the line in to God.

[497] and as long as they're coming to him to ask him what to do, it's great.

[498] That's the main structure.

[499] The structure needs to be that a certain amount of people believe that there is one person who has contact with an invisible guy and that that person will tell them what's right and what's wrong.

[500] It's very comforting.

[501] Yeah, so you don't have to worry about it.

[502] You don't have to worry about it.

[503] Just go to the guy and ask him like, you can finger her.

[504] There's no moral quantities anymore.

[505] Yeah, it's so dark.

[506] But really, when you see what's happening there is this incredibly awful version of S &M.

[507] It's sadomasochism.

[508] You're going to your daddy to find out how to fuck.

[509] It's like this dark, satem mask.

[510] That's what it is.

[511] It's S &M.

[512] You're going to your daddy to find out if you can put milk with whatever in your washing machine.

[513] You're going to daddy to find out if you can use birth control.

[514] It's always a lot of times it's sex -related.

[515] Like the Pope just said something like, didn't you just come out and say, Like, you don't have to, he was talking about how to have sex.

[516] You know, they'll tell you.

[517] You can't use birth control.

[518] You know, they tell you things involving sex.

[519] Like a man who is connected to an invisible being will tell you how to fuck on this planet.

[520] It's so stupid.

[521] Yeah.

[522] I mean, it is stupid.

[523] It is as dumb as it gets.

[524] But when you consider the fact that it is, not only is it real, but it is, like, these people doing this are, behind businesses that are making billions of dollars every year and that money is going in the direction of paying for lobbyists to control government and politics that's when it becomes sinister that's when it becomes sinister if you look at it from a big picture perspective do you think it's possible for people to have gotten where we've gotten as quickly as we've gotten without religion without some organizing ethical behavior guidelines because the big jump early on now it's holding is back but back then it was really helping us like guys don't kill well we would be raping and pillaging still yeah there is a judeo -christian way of living they say which is just like the basic tenets like don't murder don't steal don't don't uh rape well it's almost like an idea of virus that is introduced into a system in order to force growth in a certain direction because like i wonder if we would have gotten society without i doubt it i doubt it i doubt it greeks dudes want to fuck didn't the greeks people want to rape yeah but they had a gang of different gods But I think they were kind of like...

[525] Greek gods.

[526] I think even back then they were...

[527] I don't know for sure.

[528] You know what?

[529] I'm not even going to...

[530] That part of me that likes to chime in as though I know anything about Greek gods about to come in.

[531] I don't have no idea.

[532] I have no idea.

[533] I don't know if I was in the Roman ones in the Greek ones.

[534] Yeah, I'm not really sure about that, man. But I do think that it's the predicament, regardless of that being...

[535] Whether that was a kind of cast that needed to be placed on humanity as a whole, to allow this growth or this thing to happen.

[536] It's starting off to do.

[537] Now we're in a place where...

[538] We're outgrown the cast.

[539] Time to take off the cast.

[540] It's starting to smell like somebody sneezed into a rotting vagina.

[541] Well, it's being replaced with a new one.

[542] It's being replaced with atheism.

[543] Atheism is very much a religion.

[544] But we take those tenets of like, yeah, we got, don't kill it.

[545] We like that one.

[546] But I don't mean it in a negative way.

[547] I mean, it's like a...

[548] And religion's the wrong word.

[549] it's an organized group the people that are a part of it they subscribe to the ideology of this organized group and are almost like for a large percentage at least I shouldn't say almost the majority but a large percentage are liberal a large percentage of atheists are liberal people like they tend to lean left with their ideas I would say if you had to gauge the difference between the Republican side and their Democrats side like which one has more atheists It would clearly be Democrat, right?

[550] Is that right?

[551] Am I guessing?

[552] I'm just guessing, right?

[553] I don't know.

[554] Let's see if we're right.

[555] I would say that's, yeah, that seems pretty logical to think that.

[556] I mean, it does seem logical, but let's see if it's true.

[557] Also, the more into, they're super into God that Republicans, they might have some atheists, but the ones that are super under God, those are more Republicans.

[558] Right.

[559] But I don't really know.

[560] Can you be a single president?

[561] Is that even possible in this country?

[562] Nope.

[563] You can't even be a single president?

[564] You can't be like, no, if you haven't figured that out.

[565] I hardly doubt it.

[566] Yeah, that's something I was wondering.

[567] No way we could go in.

[568] What would happen if Obama, is a president allowed to have another job?

[569] Like, you know, Obama start, like, working on comedy?

[570] Could he do stand up if he wanted to at night if he wasn't working?

[571] I bet he could.

[572] That would be amazing.

[573] I've done my job.

[574] It's 6 .30 p .m. I worked an extra hour.

[575] I'm clocked out.

[576] Yeah.

[577] They're saying there's a president.

[578] A lot of the people in Congress are closeted that are atheists.

[579] Closited atheists.

[580] That's hilarious.

[581] Wow.

[582] What a bunch of fucking.

[583] fakers it's saying there's an article about this on think progress why all of the atheists in congress are are closeted that's hilarious they won't say it they have to pretend they can't it's not popular atheism is not popular there's there's a certain thing that people want to do they want to say something really stupid and have everybody else go yeah like we're not going to think anymore than we already have yeah right when people say well tell you what i meet somebody and they're an atheist, I just walk away because they're a damn fool.

[584] Who said that?

[585] Steve Harvey.

[586] That's right.

[587] I heard that.

[588] Did he really?

[589] I did it in a white voice.

[590] Did he really?

[591] Yes, he did.

[592] They're a damn fool.

[593] And he gets a bunch of applause.

[594] They're just silly in their brain.

[595] They're silly.

[596] They silly.

[597] That's not an argument, PJ Harvey, whatever name is.

[598] Steve Harvey.

[599] What kind of moral compass do you operate under?

[600] That's the idea.

[601] I can't try.

[602] you if you don't believe in the symbol that was created a long time ago by people trying to control other people this is like well you know it's silly so forget it well there's a book i read and god damn it i wish i can remember the name of it but the very first chapter in the book was talking about how fascinating it is that in the uh old testament yeah when god is asking for offerings yeah kill he only wants stuff that humans like like he only wants the best thing like like God never tells priests to ask people for like a jar of wasps.

[603] Right, right.

[604] It's only like he only...

[605] Cowls, goats.

[606] Like now if the same system worked, then the priest would come out and be like, God wants.

[607] They do money.

[608] That's what they do the fucking people.

[609] Jimmy, whatever his name is.

[610] Yeah.

[611] Yeah, but it's the difference is money.

[612] Now it's the ambiguous thing.

[613] But back then, what was kind of interesting is like you would actually ask for like a fatted calf or you'd ask for stuff.

[614] Wow, is only stuff got men than want an new iPad.

[615] God wants a new iPad.

[616] Send your technology.

[617] Yeah, God wants...

[618] Yeah, donate your computers.

[619] Yeah, it's very, it's fascinating that way.

[620] But I still, I mean, I do, like, I don't know, I think God's an overused word, but I do think there is a...

[621] Well, definitely, they're like, I don't know what God wants.

[622] He didn't really tell us officially.

[623] How about, how about we just give them some of this shit?

[624] It's our favorite shit.

[625] Yeah, just giving something nice.

[626] Man, that's really fascinating stuff.

[627] I've been reading this book that, and it's a controversial book, and some people say, that it's like, I don't know, I like the book.

[628] It's well written.

[629] It's called Zealot by Reza Aslan.

[630] It's the historical Christ, and his premise is that Jesus, regardless of his premise, what's really fascinating is he's just talking about what it was like back then, which is that the Romans were occupying that land and that the priests were actually people who were used to be, it used to be like a religious thing, but they would buy their positions from the Romans.

[631] So everybody wanted the Romans gone.

[632] And so, like, you know, in the story, in the Bible, Jesus is crucified between two thieves.

[633] And so Reza Aslan says that if you look at the actual word for thief, it actually translates into bandit.

[634] And bandit is the word that the Romans used to describe people who are trying to overthrow them.

[635] So Jesus, his premises was somebody who was pro -violence and wanted to overthrow the Romans and there were a lot of other people like him too and so when people were saying they were like the son of God or the Messiah the term Messiah actually meant like the king of the Jews somebody who was going to like lead the liberate the Jews from the Romans it's a really great book in the very first chapter time it would be a cool fucking movie it would be really cool but when they talk about the the the uh get that same dude to play well they were no i mean a lot of like what he says is like if you read in the in the in the in the bible now they haven't scrubbed all of the violent stuff he said one thing he said is like something about i will turn you away i will turn you know turn father against son i will turn like if you aren't able to uh leave your family then you'll never be able to follow me it's like all these things which are crazy all me to liberty we're gonna get the fucking romans out of here man that was the idea these assholes are occupying our country, they've taken over our religion, we're going to fucking overthrow them, and they really couldn't understand why God let the Romans in there in the first place.

[636] So, like, that was a real monkey wrench in their idea.

[637] We're the chosen people.

[638] We're the chosen people, but it's like, no, you're not really the fucking chosen people because they're guys who are guarding your temples now wearing Roman outfits.

[639] Yeah, God freed it from slavery.

[640] Now we're sort of half slaves again.

[641] Exactly.

[642] And they couldn't, it didn't work, man. It was like the two, the paradigm did not fit in with their idea that were the chosen people, suddenly there's these fucking Romans occupying everything.

[643] And so a lot of the messias, and there were many messias before Jesus, by the way, John the Baptist executed.

[644] Why was he executed?

[645] He was executed because they looked at him as a threat to the Roman power structure.

[646] That was it.

[647] All these people getting crucified.

[648] And by the way, man, crucifixion was in back then.

[649] Like they were throwing people on crosses every day.

[650] So it was like, it was like, a constant attempt to like take down.

[651] Silence the rebellion.

[652] That's it.

[653] Silence the rebellion.

[654] Yeah.

[655] Yeah.

[656] Silence the rebellion.

[657] It's really interesting.

[658] Great book.

[659] It's really crazy but those sort of volatile moments in history crazed insane, violent moments of control and then the repercussions of that control those are like the engines that fuel change and oftentimes fuel innovation.

[660] And I know we look at them as being, yeah, we look at them as being as like horrible moments when they're happening because they are, for everyone involved.

[661] But, like, for the future, like, I think all these chaotic moments with these people struggling to get into a position for power and the fact that nobody can really hold it and it keeps, and people have their complaints and the people that are rising up, they have the will of the people because the will of the people is, we don't want any of fucking terror anymore.

[662] We know, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, let's go get them.

[663] And then they get in and they become the person they were fighting against.

[664] Like, this process repeats itself over and over again.

[665] And it seems like objectively, if you look at it, it's like this process of cleansing or filtering almost like water coming down from a glacier and going through all those rocks until it becomes pure it's like it's got to go through all these trials and tribulations there's got to be all these fucking chaotic moments of horror so we understand what horror is we never repeat horror you got to have a holocaust to understand where the 60s came from you got to have these bad moments that sort of make you like long for and accomplish the great heights this is why i just had alex gray on my podcast and i'm not going to try to repeat what he said about the Jews as the chosen people because they're creating psychedelics, but he did, one of his premises, because Hoffman was a Jew, but the idea is that we needed scientific materialism, atheism, we needed people to turn their backs on the ancient version of God so that we could understand the universe at a deep enough level to be able to create, to synthesize that.

[666] SD and all the various, like...

[667] Choose that to be smart to figure that shit out.

[668] Yes, yeah, it's really cool, but it's kind of what you're saying, which is like we needed, like, these phases in human evolution are really important because, like, if you're constantly, if you're caught up in a ridiculous version of the deity, then maybe you're not going to be so inclined to study molecular biology, or maybe you're not going to be able to study chemistry in the same way.

[669] And without studying that stuff, then we wouldn't have some of the psychoactive compounds that I think a lot of people consider as being one of the potential ways that our species can evolve.

[670] And so these psychedelics can actually be ways to connect with the thing that the ancient religions were talking about.

[671] and then that thing that ended up being like turning turned into like a painted clown you know that people somebody had a vision you know moses by the what was the burning bush what was that what was it made of though it was called a acacia or something yeah the acacia bush which has what in it DMT dimethythyl triptoman so the premise here is got it in his fucking head well the idea of what is well you're translating things what would the story really be well if you're translating something from ancient Hebrew, right?

[672] And then you're putting into the Latin and then eventually to the English, when you're doing that, like, you're going to, the way they explain things is going to come off very different.

[673] Like, if you ever read, like, Russian stories translated to English, it's so bizarre.

[674] If you throw it through, like, Google Translate, it's so bizarre.

[675] It's so hard to understand because their language works so much differently.

[676] So by saying that, like, God took the form of a burning bush, they easily could be saying he was smoking DMT.

[677] That's right.

[678] Easily.

[679] Yeah, that's the...

[680] Yeah, that's it.

[681] You dry the fucking...

[682] That bush out, figure out a way to get the fucking DMT out of it.

[683] You smoke it.

[684] Like, if you...

[685] And especially if that's how they did it, like, what if they just lit those bushes on fire and then just breathed it all in?

[686] And they got some out of it.

[687] Just breathe in wholesale smoke.

[688] What if they did it, like, totally caveman style?

[689] Just take those bushes, hack them down, dry them out, make a fucking a tent, like one of those sweat lodges that the Indians do?

[690] Oh, yeah, and they just let it fill up.

[691] Fill it up.

[692] Hotbox yourself with DMT.

[693] And then he saw God Like, dude, dude, dude, everybody down there.

[694] Hold on there, hold on, shh.

[695] I got, oh my God, my God, I got some stuff to tell you.

[696] Oh, my God.

[697] But even he's suspect, because God was telling you not to covet your neighbor's wife, not because your neighbor's wife is like, in a relationship.

[698] He owns it.

[699] Everybody leaves my life, my lives alone.

[700] Like, the idea was that the guy owns that wife.

[701] Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

[702] Like, it's insane, archaic way of thinking that's connected to that time.

[703] Yeah.

[704] So we don't, you know, even if Moses, did say those things we have no idea with the actual words it came out if Moses did have this psychedelic experience ancient he was not used anymore yeah it's like and not only that like who the fuck wrote it down wasn't Moses Moses didn't write it down if I told you some shit that happened to me when I was a child and then you were it was your job to write a book after I died oh you would butcher it I would butcher your life you would butcher my life we would butcher each other's lives if Moses wasn't writing it himself from Moses yeah you know if you're not getting his fucking notebook.

[705] Like, who knows what was actually said?

[706] That one's supposed to be written the same way throughout history.

[707] Like, they write every letter the same exact way.

[708] That's the written tour.

[709] And then the oral tour is something different.

[710] Crazy looking, by the way, is the language.

[711] It's cool looking.

[712] It's beautiful.

[713] And it's so strange and psychedelic.

[714] They have musical notes on each one of the letters you can read.

[715] Really?

[716] Yeah, so you know what to go up and down.

[717] It's wild, man. So you know how to tell us say it while you're talking?

[718] Yeah, when you're so I mean you're reading the Torah out loud or you're Parcia Can you read Hebrew?

[719] Yeah, of course Fucking crazy, man I'd like to learn it It's so cool You lived in Israel Like doing religious studies Was it fun?

[720] Yeah, it was just like a given for a while But now that I step back and look at it It was like that's pretty fucking cool Yeah, that's kind of for three weeks I thought it was cool I lived in Israel for two years Wow How old were you?

[721] 18, 18 to 20 Wow So I got drunk there for the first time Pre -poise?

[722] Yeah, preposy.

[723] Wow.

[724] I didn't do anything back then.

[725] Wow.

[726] That's a fascinating story, dude.

[727] It was so cool.

[728] You take the buses and stuff.

[729] What's it like there?

[730] Everything's made of stone.

[731] Jerusalem's like the whole city's made of stone.

[732] So the old city is all stone.

[733] But everywhere else is like stone outside, you know, the buildings.

[734] It just looked really pretty.

[735] Did you go to that wall?

[736] Oh, yeah.

[737] Where the zombies climbed up in that movie?

[738] That was the most ridiculous.

[739] Like, they, why?

[740] No security cameras.

[741] Why monitor the wall?

[742] separating us from a mass of zombies.

[743] Yeah.

[744] We're all dancing and having great time.

[745] Drews him's fine, and then all of a sudden it's not fine and overrock instantly.

[746] Yeah.

[747] He escaped too easily a lot in that movie.

[748] Like, oh, a plane crash, and then only the two of you survived?

[749] Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous.

[750] Yeah.

[751] It's like Godzilla.

[752] Yeah.

[753] Same sort of situation.

[754] But so you were there from 18 to 20.

[755] 18 to 20.

[756] I really got drunk through the first time.

[757] So what years was that?

[758] Well, first I went, my high school, does a half year for a senior year.

[759] And then the second semester, four to six months, we go to Israel and we took like a tour group.

[760] So it was really two and a half years.

[761] So what year, calendar year was this?

[762] 92, I think January of 92.

[763] So this is like Clinton presidency.

[764] Bush ready to Clinton?

[765] Yeah, I voted absentee ballot for Clinton.

[766] That was the only time I ever voted for president.

[767] Did you wear religious garb while you were there?

[768] I mean, Yamika and the tzit, the tassels.

[769] But man, one thing we love doing because there was no black people there, only Ethiopians, and they were in, like, a different part of the town of the country, who would just yell nigger at each other down the street.

[770] Oh, no. How dare you.

[771] Duncan!

[772] Hey, Duncan!

[773] You nigger!

[774] Because it doesn't mean anything to anybody.

[775] It doesn't mean anything to anybody.

[776] That's fascinating.

[777] Scariest word you could ever yell.

[778] Yes.

[779] You'd have to do, like, a full 360 sweep of your surroundings with a helicopter.

[780] And then parachute down and yell it to feel super confident someone's...

[781] It's like the only word that you can yell out and anyone in that group is allowed to punch you.

[782] See, if you yell out, cunt, if you yell out cunt, women can't just run up to you and punch you, you know?

[783] But if you yell out nigger, they have a free pass to just punch you.

[784] White people too?

[785] Just like, no. Well, it's the only racial slur that is a free pass to violence.

[786] Yeah.

[787] Like Chinese, if you yell out, chink, like most likely they'll look at you like you motherfucker, you piece of shit.

[788] Right.

[789] But there are certain dudes, not all of them, but there's certain dudes that if they catch you yelling out that word, they will fucking punch you.

[790] It's the prophet Muhammad of words.

[791] It's right.

[792] But it's crazy if you're in a place, I mean, there's guaranteed.

[793] There's people that just heard you say that that are going to be offended.

[794] They're like, you know, fuck that guy.

[795] You know, who fuck is he thinks?

[796] is yelling that shit out dropping end bombs on the podcast 22 years ago no it doesn't even matter just the fact that you even just said it now right just the fact that i'm making fun of what that how irresponsible was to say that yeah you remember like i had that the bit about the three magic words and that was one of them they're like you you can't even say it like you're not even allowed to say the word in reference to it if you're weight yeah it is a really interesting thing because symbols are harmless but it's somehow they justify violence like when Whenever this ridiculous thing, or an image of the prophet, a word, whenever it's there, it's like that thing itself is meaningless, harmless.

[797] But it allows people, it allows violent people an excuse to be violent.

[798] And there is nothing, I think, more satisfying than some people to be violent and righteous at the same time.

[799] Right.

[800] Oh, yeah.

[801] Like American sniper.

[802] that guy's like pegging like God that was so fucking dumb Oh it's just such It was just such propaganda Over 160 confirmed kills Not one wrong Even though every time he was like I don't know what that is in the guy's hand Fuck it I'm taking the shot He's never got it wrong Only awesome Such a Rara movie Yeah it was really like The acting was horrible Have you seen it?

[803] The acting was so bad Howard Stern was raving about it this morning Oh fuck you old man Jesus Christ Oh my goodness was horrible from jump there was no plot it was just some scenes the wife was only annoyed I haven't seen it the entire time she was just like why are you going out there again you've never built a relationship there's no the fucking movie you haven't written this fucking movie and at the very end and I don't give a fuck at the very end they go they go okay so he comes home he's all fucked in the head he meets some uh he made some he's working out with his wife he meets some veterans he helps them fucking sniper and that's how he gets his life together he helps them sniping and shit and then he picks one guy up and he's like yeah we're gonna go snipe today and then just at home on the range and the guy looks at his wife weird and then it cuts away and goes uh he was killed by a veteran yeah oh it was that guy but they didn't even show what happened they didn't even show it two hour and 20 minute movie show every tour fucking four tour combined them but they wouldn't show him don't forget that they failed dimension and they just said oh he died and they showed footage of this funeral process also the guy is like Jesse Ventura sued that guy and won that was the guy who lied yeah That's how ridiculous the movie was.

[804] There was not even...

[805] Well, it wasn't just that.

[806] I just need some time, baby.

[807] There's apparently a whole long laundry list of questionable stories.

[808] That was that guy?

[809] No wonder.

[810] What a garbage ass movie?

[811] They probably had to take out of the plot like...

[812] They did.

[813] Well, there was a bunch of other things that he did that he said he did.

[814] Like, one of them was there was a carjacking where two people were shot and killed.

[815] It read like a fucking Mensia talking about himself.

[816] Apparently...

[817] That's how it saw.

[818] No evidence that the carjacking took place.

[819] Oh, yeah, that guy.

[820] The two guys were killed.

[821] And there was another one where he killed a bunch of people in Katrina.

[822] He was a sniper in Katrina.

[823] He was shooting looters.

[824] And he talked about, which is like, okay, it's one thing if you're shooting terrorists who have rocket launchers, but you're shooting people that are poor people that are stealing shit because they're involved in chaos.

[825] Yeah.

[826] Because the fucking water has come and surrounded the city and there's no resources.

[827] So you're shooting looters.

[828] Like, we should be really fucking careful about who we celebrate.

[829] That's right, man. If you're shooting looters.

[830] Yeah, you're a murder.

[831] Yeah, we're not talking about war.

[832] We're not talking, like, even Michael Moore was talking about his uncle.

[833] Well, that's what you get for looting.

[834] You don't get that for looting.

[835] The death penalty is not made for people who want an ex -fought.

[836] It's not for a judge to say.

[837] But it's not only that.

[838] It's not to be delivered from a fucking roof.

[839] It's going to be delivered because you go to a trial and you have a jury of your peers.

[840] That's what the government is supposed to be established for.

[841] Like, to be on a roof.

[842] You're just murdering people.

[843] This movie was like a full liar.

[844] That's right.

[845] I mean, this is crazy.

[846] Well, Jesse Ventura was a fucking Navy SEAL.

[847] He was in what's called the UDT before it was the Navy SEALs.

[848] I believe that's the name of it, the organization.

[849] There was a predating name.

[850] The same, Jesse Ventura was one of them.

[851] So apparently this guy told the story about knocking out Jesse Ventura and Jesse Ventura badmouthing the troops and bad mouthing the war, which he said he would never do, never did, never argued with this guy.

[852] He never got hit.

[853] and he gave the guy an opportunity to retract it.

[854] Otherwise, he was, because he wrote about it in his book, he called him Scruffy Face or something like that.

[855] But then on radio shows, he admitted that it was Jesse Ventura.

[856] So they can do the mathematics.

[857] I think he did it on Opie and Anthony, actually.

[858] I think that's where it came out.

[859] So they realized that it's not true.

[860] So the guy got killed.

[861] Okay, Chris Kyle gets killed.

[862] And now Jesse Ventura goes through with the lawsuit with the guy's wife, which that's the...

[863] No, she's got all the profits.

[864] that.

[865] Fuck her.

[866] I'll fucking lie about him.

[867] Get her to put her out.

[868] Stop selling a book day.

[869] You know what, don't know.

[870] Give her a break.

[871] Well, she starts saying, I gave that money to charity.

[872] And then it comes out later.

[873] She's a liar too.

[874] She gave 20 % of it to charity.

[875] I think as long as her, look, if her life isn't, I mean, she's suing the guy who lied.

[876] It just so happened that the guy he lied died.

[877] Take the book down and then stop selling the book.

[878] Well, that's the issue.

[879] You're dead right.

[880] You're dead right.

[881] So I'm getting all the profits now.

[882] The issue.

[883] The issue is.

[884] random house like who owns the book who but but but then the issue is does he represent them when he goes on radio stations and says something that's not even in the book does he name the guy in the story in the book but does it make them responsible i say it doesn't i say the whole thing gets not random house because he said scruffy face who the fuck i know but then when he says now i've told you who scruffy face is now what you've printed is libel or whatever is the thing man if he wrote about all that other shit about shooting looters and all that other shit like if that turns out to be not true which people are saying it's not true you really really got to take the whole book time.

[885] Like the book off.

[886] Or repacketed is just falsity.

[887] This is what's important.

[888] This is what's important to say.

[889] Oprah had that book about that guy shattered little pieces or whatever, a thousand little pieces.

[890] Yeah, yes.

[891] And he was like, no, it was all a lie.

[892] And he goes, yeah, I'm a fucking writer.

[893] Or the kid who just said he went to heaven and he came out and said the whole thing was a lie.

[894] You know that kid who wrote him?

[895] Yeah.

[896] They pulled that book too.

[897] They pulled it.

[898] He went to heaven?

[899] Yeah.

[900] Well, no, there's this like cheesy book where a kid goes into a coma, flies around heaven for a while, comes back right to this bestseller.

[901] People are like, I knew it.

[902] heaven was real and i knew it was like this i never read it but it's a funny it's just a hilarious thing but the kid got religion actually got religion that said i was and felt so guilty about lying that he came out and said the whole thing was a lie i thought i could get attention it's not real great it's really it's and they pulled it there's a great there's a great blog that i read called uh if you just google truth justice and the curious case of chris kyle it's really really well written which explains like all of the various stories and here's why they couldn't be true and here he's not casting any judgment not using the inflammatory language just trying to explain like what may be or may not have been true it said in the beginning of this movie that was just released this is all a true story see some of it I'm sure was see that's the thing the guy he's about to shoot some kid and they go like if you're wrong about this you'll fly at Leavenworth that's your spotter that's your spotter is telling you you're gonna go to jail forever if you take this wrong shot Another thing you have to remember, too, is Clint Eastwood.

[903] Clint Eastwood, who used to be the baddest motherfucker in Hollywood.

[904] He's done now, too.

[905] He's an old dude.

[906] Remember when he talked to the chair?

[907] Yes, that's what I was going to say.

[908] Yeah.

[909] When you addressed Obama.

[910] Yeah.

[911] How did he direct a movie?

[912] When I saw the thing, no, seriously, when I saw the thing, all I thought was, oh, this is just clearly wartime propaganda.

[913] Sign up.

[914] Seth Rogan tweeted that he compared it to the sniper movie in Tarantino's movie.

[915] I think Rogan back paddled a little bit.

[916] But in Tarantino's movie, In Glorious Bastards, they're watching this, in Germany, they're watching a movie about a sniper.

[917] And it's like, and he's being celebrated, right?

[918] It's propaganda.

[919] It's propaganda.

[920] American sniper is propaganda.

[921] There's no question about it.

[922] So we know that.

[923] Then I was thinking like, always make the shot.

[924] Did Clint Eastwood really direct this?

[925] Because when you see him at the Republican National Convention, he seemed kind of like, nutty out of it.

[926] So then I was thinking, how the fuck is this guy directing, like this kind of hardcore action movie.

[927] Maybe they're just doing a form.

[928] Did they stick his face there because he's this manly, rugged, right -wing Republican hero?

[929] And they knew that that would, like, get more people to watch this movie, which is essentially a lubricated water slide that leads to your nearest recruiting office if you get hypnotized by the thing enough.

[930] That's what it is.

[931] Oh, you want to fight?

[932] You want to fight for justice?

[933] And I'll tell you this, man. You want to be noble?

[934] You don't want to work in the oil fields?

[935] You want to be noble?

[936] Yeah.

[937] Go straight to seal, even though it's 30.

[938] Yeah.

[939] You think about a lot of people that are in this country that are, you got born in a shit town with no fucking opportunity.

[940] Yeah.

[941] And you're surrounded by a bunch of dummies, and then you go see this movie.

[942] You're like, holy shit.

[943] But I think when you make a movie about someone's life story, and this is what I was pissed off at Foxcatcher for the same reason.

[944] That movie Foxcatcher about John DuPont, who was that crazy old man who shot Dave Schultz, who was an Olympic champion wrestler.

[945] And it was based on his brother Mark Schultz in this movie.

[946] They fucked with everything in that movie.

[947] They, he's so angry.

[948] He's been, Mark Schultz has been tweeting like crazy because he's still alive.

[949] Beautiful line, too.

[950] He's an Olympic gold medalist.

[951] I mean, Mark, oh really?

[952] And they said he killed him in the movie?

[953] Well, no, no, no, no, no. John DuPont killed an Olympic gold medalist in the movie.

[954] But his brother, Mark Schultz, who the movie in the book is based on, is still alive.

[955] And they changed all these aspects of his life for this movie.

[956] And he's like, I'm still alive.

[957] Like, this is me. Like, this isn't like a Chris Kyle thing where they made the movie after he's dead and who knows.

[958] what you know he let put in and not put this is like Mark Schultz is saying this didn't happen like they messed with shit that didn't even make sense like they had the UFC in their movie yeah but it was in 1988 there was no fucking UFC until 1993 it didn't even exist so they're watching an actual fight between Big Daddy Goodrich who was the eventual opponent of Mark Schultz and a lot of people like yeah Rogan you're all the fucking UFC trivia nobody gives you shit it's about the story no it's not dummy it's about history because why would you make up any of history when you're doing a true story.

[959] You don't need to change the timeline for the UFC.

[960] That's totally arbitrary.

[961] Like someone deciding to do that is their own creative flair just jizzing, just cupping their balls and jizzing over history.

[962] And if you did that with that, how the fuck am I going to believe any of the aspects of the story?

[963] Because you lied about something I know you lied about.

[964] Right.

[965] This is weird shit.

[966] There's like there's like this weird relationship between the two and they're looking at each other weird and he's wearing shorts and now he's got frosted tips and people were saying that it seemed like it was gay and Schultz got really upset that they were insinuating there was some sort of a gay relationship and they like fucked with the timeline of his achievements too because he had already won the world championships.

[967] I mean he was already the best wrestler in the world in his weight class and they were making it look like he needed his brother and you know that he was sucking in DuPont was his career was falling apart he was the best wrestler in his weight class in the world he's Mark fucking Schultz was an animal right if you watch him Russell when he was in his peak form, he was a fucking animal.

[968] Right.

[969] And, like, they changed the, like, the aspects of his achievements in this movie.

[970] Like, he was already a world champion.

[971] Like, the way they made it and the way they, it's like the guy was fucked and nothing was going right for him.

[972] And then he needed this John DuPont situation.

[973] And that's why he moved in there.

[974] In a beautiful mind, when the wife stuck with him, even though he was going crazy in the real life, she just left.

[975] Of course.

[976] As soon as he ran the bath wall on the kid, she was like, I'm out.

[977] I'm divorcing you.

[978] It's over.

[979] Yeah.

[980] There was no, like, we're going to make it together, baby.

[981] Why did he do that?

[982] Yeah, and this was like, and American Cyper was like, we're going to tell the whole story.

[983] I'm like, what whole story?

[984] There was also a shitty father and husband?

[985] I'm thinking about the Ari Shafir story when it comes out.

[986] They're going to show him, like, with a bag of mushrooms, but he's like, weeping as he eats him.

[987] Like, I can't stop.

[988] I'm like, you're calling him like, Ari, I got to stop eating those mushrooms.

[989] And all he's doing is watching child porn.

[990] Fuck you.

[991] I don't even know what.

[992] Shouldn't it be legal?

[993] I can watch it.

[994] I didn't fuck any kids.

[995] Why isn't the video themselves legal?

[996] I'll put some words in your mouth and never said that someone could totally see.

[997] Put it like on a newspaper quote or something.

[998] Like I have it come up.

[999] Did you ever see Lenny with Dustin Hoffman?

[1000] You know, I missed it.

[1001] Look, I'm a huge fucking Lenny Bruce fan.

[1002] So I'm fascinated by it.

[1003] I'm not a huge fan of his war.

[1004] This is a tricky way to say it.

[1005] Because like, I think if you, I'm not endorsing it right now.

[1006] I'm saying like if you go, like if Lenny Bruce is performing at the laugh factory and you were at the comedy store, I would tell people to go see you.

[1007] I would go because it would be freaky just to see him.

[1008] Yeah.

[1009] But you're dealing with a completely different era.

[1010] The world was just way different.

[1011] Right.

[1012] But anyway, there's this great Dustin Hoffman movie where Dustin Hoffman fucking nailed it.

[1013] He sounds just like Lenny Bruce.

[1014] I mean, he's one of the few times where a guy's on stage and it seems like he's a real comic.

[1015] It's really good.

[1016] But he says a bunch of shit and you go, did he say that?

[1017] How do I know he said that?

[1018] I know you don't know exactly what came out of his mouth in any given moment.

[1019] So a lot of this is just bullshit.

[1020] You know, and so like if there's a real person, you've got to try your best to make everything as on the money as possible.

[1021] And whatever you fill in has got to be directly related to everything you absolutely know happen.

[1022] But you're not going to be able to fill on stuff like when he tells his wife he loves her for the first time.

[1023] It's like, that's you're like, I'm guessing this is how it went.

[1024] It's fine.

[1025] Unless the wife's alive and she can tell you.

[1026] Then it could help.

[1027] Yeah, but yeah.

[1028] Other than that, I think what you're talking about is a controversial subject.

[1029] I think some people say that you've got creative license when the things.

[1030] It didn't even say based on a true story.

[1031] It said, this is a true story.

[1032] Oh, yeah, right.

[1033] Well, Clint Eastwood, look, he's rah, raw all the way.

[1034] He's a flag -waving old man. He sure is.

[1035] He really is.

[1036] All those old men stick together.

[1037] Well, look, I think this is, I mean, though they're very dead.

[1038] Look, I think Howard Stern is saying he enjoyed it as a movie.

[1039] It's supposed to be a very good movie.

[1040] It was like well made as a movie Not at all There was no plot There was no story The acting was horrible There were some cool Like fucking sniping shots The sniping was cool And that was it But that wasn't much I don't think you could label He's not like a war Like apologists or anything like that The one big the bad guy He wants to get the whole time It's like I don't understand Here's what it comes down to man I think I've said on the podcast This is green lantern Here's what it boils down to You want to use military equipment Right in a movie You're not going to get your own fucking tanks and where are you going to get the military equipment from?

[1041] You're going to get the military equipment from the military.

[1042] And the military, and you can look this up, they get to have script approval.

[1043] So the military, they look through your script and they make sure that the stuff that is in your script is going to get people down to their local recruiting office and that's why they let you use their machinery.

[1044] You know, they said to Kubrick, there's never been an anti -war movie that hasn't made enlistment go up.

[1045] Anti -war movies.

[1046] You feel like you literally cannot make an anti -war movie because every single depiction of war makes people go, oh, that's cool.

[1047] Like platoon?

[1048] All of it.

[1049] All of it.

[1050] You can see the trend right afterwards.

[1051] Enlistment shoots up after those big movies come up.

[1052] That's so crazy.

[1053] Even when you see a same private Ryan, the guy gets blown up, the coolest night, but everyone's like, I want to be a sniper.

[1054] You forget the fact they got blown up.

[1055] Because people like being violent.

[1056] And this is why Sebastian Younger's book, War is such an incredible book because it is It portrays war with no, like, attempt to be like, this is right or this is wrong.

[1057] It just says, if you take it, I can't remember the exact wording, but it's like, if you take a 22 -year -old and put them behind one of those giant fucking submachine guns, it feels good.

[1058] It's fun to like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, it feels good.

[1059] People love violence.

[1060] So, if you can figure out a way to get people to be violent without the guilt that goes along with, like, you're killing other members of your.

[1061] species, then what do you do?

[1062] You create an imaginary story, right?

[1063] And the imaginary story in Iraq was the weapons of mass destruction.

[1064] Also, Saddam Hussein.

[1065] That's what they said in this movie, like, oh, if I don't do my job, they come to San Diego and knock on your door.

[1066] That's apparently another aspect of the book that has been questioned, is that the barrels of weapons of mass destruction that they found.

[1067] Like he said that they found, like chemical weapons.

[1068] Right.

[1069] Oh, really?

[1070] Yeah.

[1071] He said, we actually saw them.

[1072] We laid eyes on them.

[1073] But they're like, well, then why didn't you tell anybody?

[1074] What do you mean?

[1075] Here's a fun Google search.

[1076] Do a Google search on birth defects in some of the parts of Iraq that we attacked because we used shells that had some kind of radioactive isotope in it.

[1077] So now the babies are being born with birth effects.

[1078] Because the other thing people say is Saddam Hussein gassed his own people, right?

[1079] He gassed his own people.

[1080] Well, what are we doing to them when we're dropping all those bombs?

[1081] Targeted strike.

[1082] man they know exactly where they're hitting no they don't people babies are being born there with like severe birth defects because of what we did there so I think in a movie like that you need to at least illustrate the fact that the reason that man was sitting on the tops of buildings in that area killing people was he was was because he was sent there based on bad information to say the least and the people he's killing like in the very beginning it's like anybody over the age of 18, this is like in a scene.

[1083] Anybody over the age of 18 is militarized.

[1084] In this area, this is an evacuation zone.

[1085] So there's no one here except people that are out to kill us.

[1086] It's all open game.

[1087] It's like, oh, wait a minute.

[1088] So you're saying that because people...

[1089] The very first shot.

[1090] So we don't worry about, like, is this question of morally?

[1091] No, anyone who's there over 18.

[1092] That's what they're there for.

[1093] These monsters did not leave the city that we bombed that they lived in when we told them to.

[1094] So if they're still here, kill their ass.

[1095] And then he's still like shows restraint and then when he finally has to it's a kid but he has a fucking grenade launcher he waits until the kid's running at the fucking and about to throw it and then he shoots him but it's totally justified they show him shooting a kid and then the mom what the fuck but why would the kid be angry I mean really why would you be angry they only destroyed your city that you lived in this is another thing like we were talking about earlier they're shooting Marines it's like why are the Marines right there where they can get shot just go thousands of miles away back to America What we were saying earlier about ideologies are the problem, and being a nationalistic person, subscribing and being a patriot, subscribing to one nation only, regardless of what the actual act itself is, looking at it like, you know, that's okay because it's one of us.

[1096] Like, that is an ideology.

[1097] There you go.

[1098] That is as much of an ideology as a religion.

[1099] It's like this unquestioning thing.

[1100] Like, you know, one of the things that Michael Moore was saying was that he put it on his Twitter that a sniper is a coward and everybody got really pissed.

[1101] off, you know, they're like, the, I think the logic behind it's kind of silly.

[1102] Like, you have to look them in the eye when you shoot them, like, shooting someone in the back is a coward's move.

[1103] Like, well, in that sense, 90 % of war is cowardly.

[1104] Yeah.

[1105] Because you're saying some kind of war is okay, but some kind of, you have rules.

[1106] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1107] You have to look at somebody.

[1108] Shot her in the back or like, what about, from 100 yards?

[1109] How about rock?

[1110] That means no more rockets.

[1111] Yeah.

[1112] No more drones.

[1113] A lot of the shooting that you do is you're shooting people.

[1114] Like, you don't necessarily look them in the eye.

[1115] when you shoot them.

[1116] Are you having a duel?

[1117] Like, what are you doing?

[1118] You're standing back to back and walking 10 paces like assholes?

[1119] Like, what kind of...

[1120] Even if there's a reason to be there, can't you look at some of the negative effects and say we want to pull those back?

[1121] Like, why did 30 % of children in Yemen have PTSD now because of drones?

[1122] We can't say that's a negative.

[1123] It's really important that that information gets out there when you are putting a movie out that's going to get people.

[1124] In the same way, like when Beverly Hills Chihuahua came out.

[1125] Everybody bought a Chihuahua and the pounds filled up with chihuahuas.

[1126] Because they also banning them right afterwards.

[1127] American sniper is going to do the exact same thing for people who are a little confused in what to do in their lives.

[1128] And they're going to think, well, I guess the best thing I can do right now is kill people that my government tells me are evil.

[1129] Even though if I study the facts, I find that it's a far more complex issue than that.

[1130] And maybe my decision should not be to become a hired killer for people who are telling me that I should kill people who more than likely are.

[1131] innocent or just trying to defend their home from an invading occupying force it's really important to realize that now I'm not saying all war is bad because some people will be like you naive son of a bitch you don't even realize let me repeat the speech at the beginning of American sniper this is what the dad here's the speech so here's the speech the dad gives at the dinner table after the American sniper what's his name Chris what was his name Chris Kyle has just defended his brother from a beating by a bully and they're sitting around the table his brothers got bruised up a little bit Chris Kyle's sitting there and his dad gives this speech there's three types of people wait wait wait hold on before you get the speech he goes I was just defending my brother and he looks at the little brother with a black guy and he goes is that true like what do you mean obviously he has a black guy he just got beat up that's right not tell that's right what a shitty movie is that true he goes yep all it is three types of people in the world So three types.

[1132] There's sheep's, and these are the people who believe that there aren't evil people in the world.

[1133] And by the way, I'm paraphrasing.

[1134] I don't have memorized it.

[1135] There's the sheeps.

[1136] These are the people who believe that there aren't evil people in the world and that everything's safe.

[1137] And then there's the wolves, and these are the people who try to use evil to overpower others, something like that.

[1138] And then there's the sheep dogs, and these are the people who defend the sheep.

[1139] Oh, God.

[1140] What are you going to be?

[1141] He goes, if you're anything, if you're the sheep or the wolf, and he takes his belt off and puts it down, I'll whoop your fucking ass.

[1142] Yeah, you've got to be a sheep dog.

[1143] If you're anything but the sheep dog, whoop your ass.

[1144] Yeah.

[1145] Yeah, watch it, man. It is, from the very beginning, it's pure, low -grade propaganda.

[1146] It really is, like the way Mncia would talk about how soldiers are on their dying breath.

[1147] Tell them, I'm just glad I got to see Mncia before I died.

[1148] He was for real telling that story.

[1149] He was for real telling that story.

[1150] Oh, that was a story.

[1151] Yeah.

[1152] When was this story?

[1153] He told people, I remember it going around.

[1154] They telling people like, yeah, I met his fucking buddy in arms.

[1155] When he was dying, he was like, you know, I got married and everything a lot of good things.

[1156] But at least I got this immense view.

[1157] Ari, I will give you.

[1158] Imagine if that really did happen, though.

[1159] That's actually sadder.

[1160] That's sadder than him lying.

[1161] Yeah.

[1162] If it actually had.

[1163] Like, we're assuming it didn't happen, but people are definitely dumb enough to do that.

[1164] No, you don't understand about the Punisher Tour of 2006.

[1165] It was magical.

[1166] Oh, my God.

[1167] Wow.

[1168] That's fucking hilarious.

[1169] His last words, you know, like, how he'll be like, but what about him stealing jokes?

[1170] His last words, but he did it better.

[1171] But he did it better.

[1172] But he did it better.

[1173] to be in my country.

[1174] Ari, I will give you $100 ,000 on your deathbed, you say at least I got to see Mncia.

[1175] A hundred thousand?

[1176] You would really give him $100 ,000?

[1177] And how would he use it?

[1178] He's dead!

[1179] This is a terrible fucking deal.

[1180] You son of a good show?

[1181] Well, you won't need this, and I am one of your best friends, so I just take these stacks back.

[1182] At least I can say, I got that.

[1183] Yeah, on your death bag.

[1184] By the way, my storyteller show, this is not happy.

[1185] He premieres this Thursday.

[1186] Oh, yeah.

[1187] With me, Bobby Lee, and King and Michael Key.

[1188] And Duncan, we've done these extra stories that we're doing for the web only.

[1189] They'll be on YouTube.

[1190] And Duncan's is premiering tomorrow.

[1191] That's right.

[1192] Duncan tells a cool story about going to...

[1193] Bad LSD trip.

[1194] Grateful Dead concert?

[1195] Is there a reason they didn't want to put that on television?

[1196] The reason is to book another white male was nearly impossible.

[1197] You had too many white males?

[1198] Did you need diversity training?

[1199] Oh, yeah.

[1200] There was like, who else can we get?

[1201] That's a little...

[1202] beat that.

[1203] So you had to go out of your way?

[1204] You had to go out of your way to look for non -white males?

[1205] Yeah.

[1206] So it's a Jerry Seinfeld type situation.

[1207] Yeah, they're like, look, we're just going to get too attacked if you don't get some others.

[1208] We'll get two attacks.

[1209] It's just like bottom line.

[1210] It was just like fucking.

[1211] Well, I mean, they're pissed about the, what is it, the Oscars?

[1212] They don't have to get half.

[1213] But they just got, you got to be representative.

[1214] That's so crazy.

[1215] They're pissed about the Oscars.

[1216] It's all like, all white people.

[1217] Well, unless black people are being excluded.

[1218] Right.

[1219] Unless Asian people are being excluded.

[1220] Yeah, but I said, we got Bobby Lee, Joey Diaz.

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] Those are both fucking ethnos.

[1223] But my problem is, like, you can't have affirmative action comedy.

[1224] Yeah.

[1225] Right.

[1226] No, you can't.

[1227] You're going to ruin the whole thing.

[1228] You can't do that.

[1229] You can't, like, whoever's funny.

[1230] You got to say, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1231] But you can do it like this.

[1232] Like, show me the pool of people that are qualified.

[1233] You can show them 100 people.

[1234] Like, make two of those.

[1235] There's only six blacks that are qualified of those hundreds, but pick two of them.

[1236] I don't mind being on the Internet.

[1237] Oh, yeah.

[1238] That's where I live is on the Internet.

[1239] Well, those clips are they can be way longer, too, just like we did last year and completely, like, don't worry about any.

[1240] No, I love the one that you put that we did that was on the internet.

[1241] It was great.

[1242] It was fun.

[1243] And this is actually before the show was even on TV.

[1244] It's totally awesome to have something on the internet.

[1245] I was just confused as to what the reasoning for it was.

[1246] And we also, because it came later to Eric, the guy who runs it with me, he was like, hey, let's do it also a web series.

[1247] That's a great idea.

[1248] And that way he goes, too, it's like if we show some short ones, we want to bump somebody up.

[1249] We can if they're a good short story.

[1250] So we're at Rothbart and with Ms. Pat.

[1251] You know what that's fucking awesome about the web, too?

[1252] It doesn't get canceled.

[1253] Doesn't get canceled.

[1254] It's on any time you want.

[1255] It's actually a way better medium for distribution.

[1256] Like a YouTube channel is way better, especially now.

[1257] You have YouTube on Apple TV, so you can go right to YouTube.

[1258] Right.

[1259] Yeah, I mean, you can get YouTube on a lot of those little Netflix type situation.

[1260] Yeah, you can watch them on your phone.

[1261] You can watch it anywhere you want.

[1262] If it's on Comedy Central, you're going to be guaranteed a very large audience.

[1263] you know like million plus audience of people sitting there watching a lot of them that aren't even your fans when you get good online you're going to get all of your fans also they watch it more intently they see your name right there it's way easier for them like fan wise yeah that's what I want to do on TV and they're like okay it's a no web I'm like no no no no no also all those stories go on the web let's make a cool looking clip I couldn't tell a story about trying to buy acid in a parking lot on TV exactly like why even Big Jay has one that's great about it's some sex and a dog is involved, and they're like, you're not doing bestiality on here.

[1264] Yeah.

[1265] We'll put it on the web, though.

[1266] And I'm like, fine, golden.

[1267] I don't care.

[1268] As long as it's that.

[1269] I just think that's the way.

[1270] Like, if I get to choose.

[1271] Yeah, Duncan said that because I don't even want it.

[1272] I'd rather be the wet.

[1273] You could say whatever the fuck you want.

[1274] Yeah, I would, yeah, for sure.

[1275] Because he called me and he's like, can we go through what your story is, the idea being if we can like, maybe we can make it so it could possibly be on TV.

[1276] And I said, oh, no, I'd just rather not be on TV because I don't want to deal.

[1277] I don't want to worry about that.

[1278] I don't want to think about that because the story I'm telling is a story about being in high school trying to buy drugs and in like just what the worst slash best acid trip I ever had in my life.

[1279] You don't even want to have to worry about something going, can you make it sound a little less pro?

[1280] I don't even want to get into it.

[1281] Because I am pro LSD.

[1282] Did they actually say that?

[1283] No, but you would see the maybe saying that.

[1284] But it could happen, you know.

[1285] No, in my special, I go do more drugs.

[1286] Oh, good for you.

[1287] should do drugs.

[1288] But do you say specifically what drugs?

[1289] Mushrooms and any sort of psychedelic.

[1290] I'm like, you'll never, there's nothing ever bad happen to you.

[1291] I think Bush gets an office.

[1292] That could be an issue.

[1293] Yeah.

[1294] Well, yeah, I mean, there's a statute.

[1295] I mean, you could, it could it be an issue.

[1296] Is that really?

[1297] No, no, cry.

[1298] Oh, both you, stop it.

[1299] You're going to get ideas in their heads.

[1300] Stop it.

[1301] For sure.

[1302] You're talking about Schedule 1 drugs.

[1303] Ugh.

[1304] Oh, Comedy Central's heads?

[1305] Is that what you're saying?

[1306] Yeah.

[1307] You're not worried about the politicians themselves.

[1308] No. I don't know, man. Don't be pussies.

[1309] You guys are rebels.

[1310] I think with mushrooms especially, I think mushrooms, like, okay, remember when marijuana was deeply illegal way back in the day?

[1311] And you'd fantasize with your friends about the idea of marijuana becoming legalized, and you could see that it could be on the horizon, maybe, but it was still kind of like, it's never going to be legal.

[1312] It's a ridiculous dream.

[1313] Yeah.

[1314] I think mushrooms is the new marijuana.

[1315] Mushrooms is going to, psilocybin is going to become a prescription medication that's given to people to stop smoking.

[1316] Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1317] That's going to happen.

[1318] They'll be also.

[1319] Once they start realizing that there are medical benefits that they keep looking like they're proving, that it's like, they'll try to separate it.

[1320] Ibogaine is a big one.

[1321] Thank God for Doblin, right?

[1322] Oh, yeah.

[1323] He's a champion, hero.

[1324] That guy is a, that guy deserves to be, it deserves a Nobel Prize for the work he's doing for psychics.

[1325] Because he's like doing stringent, hardcore studies proving that many of these psychoactive compounds have medicinal.

[1326] Who is that?

[1327] Rick Doblin from the multidisciplinary association for psychedelic studies maps yeah it's just they do these like real stuff they real hardcore studies where it's undeniable oh look what do you know psilocybin helps long term smokers quit and when you compare it to chantics yeah it's like the psilocybin is a million times better yeah it helps with my depression a lot yeah it does it heals you changes the way your brain is functioning You're the paths that you're on I think the paths you're on Like someone tried to explain this to me once I've always tried to remember the exact way it's explained But that we want to think of our moments As being moments individual unto themselves But they're not They're a chain of unique moments Throughout your entire life Your interpretations of those unique moments I'm paraphrasing the shit out how this guy said it And then all of your associations With life itself that are connected to your interpretations of these moments, and then, boom, here you are today.

[1328] And you want to think that this is life.

[1329] But it's only life because of all these pathways that you've carved in the way you view the world.

[1330] As soon as you change those pathways, you open up a whole new world.

[1331] Because now your associations are different, so now your brain's reaction to life itself.

[1332] It's you're changing your route to work, and almost you're like, well, look at these doors.

[1333] You're changing your neurochemistry.

[1334] you're changing your chemistry and it's such a great feeling whenever any if that happens just slightly because a lot of people are in a cave -in situation when it comes to their lives they're literally buried under a series of antiquated stale symbols that they're looking at the universe through and they feel trapped it's like their shoes are too tight and if like a psychedelic or meditating too and i really mean that i'm not just saying that because of people because i'm really think meditation has a very similar effect but any of these things they reset those simple structures in your brain and if you just like if you're in a cave in and you get an extra inch compared to like being compressed against the wall that's a big fucking deal man oh right so it's slightly percentage difference change just a slight change is like oh thank god i'm 13 % less frightened than i was for my entire life have you ever heard tony robins talk about changing paths in life is a really interesting analogy he talks about like you're going two cars going exactly same or a boat rather two boats going exactly the same direction but one boat just takes a two degree turn just two degrees yeah as they go further down the one boat that took the two degree turn is going to go wider and wider away from the original path and that each decision that's a good decision takes you closer like even though it's just like you're just steering your ship just dirt as you go out it's going to be a much different path, a much different end than if you just stayed on the original path that's incredible.

[1335] Yeah, way different.

[1336] And psychedelics makes you go right turn, Claude.

[1337] Yep.

[1338] Woo!

[1339] I mean, look at Amber Lion.

[1340] The currents try to bring you back, though.

[1341] Yes.

[1342] Well, ego tries to bring you back.

[1343] And the current's kind of bring you back to where you were going, so it's like, got to take them again.

[1344] Well, I've always said that doing psychedelics is like pressing like the reset button for your brain.

[1345] like control all delete remember that bit that your your desktop reboots and there's only one folder on the desktop and that's that desktop says the folder says my old bullshit and you have two choices if you just like create a completely different desktop look at reality as a completely different or open up my old bullshit and fall back into these familiar patterns right very comforting right you know and you those moments after the psychedelic experience are so important to grab and hang on to because it gives you this opportunity to make this new new way of thinking like a part of your habit yeah once you get into a habit whether it's fucking you know the 30 days or 60 days or 90 days like people say that once you like have a pattern ingrained in how you behave and think and do it just takes a consistent approach to that pattern and then it becomes like a like a part of you like that's why people that quit smoking like get past the first 30 days and you'll be all right right right do you say when you have if you go sit in the same feet three times you just keep sitting there that's your that's your do all time suit.

[1346] Wow, that's smart.

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] I think it's like when you take a psychedelic, it's like if your life is a polluted city, like what are those polluted?

[1349] Like what's that?

[1350] Detroit.

[1351] Detroit, right?

[1352] Yeah.

[1353] Then it's like the psychedelic all of a sudden takes you in a helicopter outside the pollution.

[1354] And so now you're seeing, oh God, the air up here is so fresh.

[1355] It's so nice down here.

[1356] But the thing is helicopter's going to land.

[1357] It's going to put you back out into your city.

[1358] And that's where the job starts, which is like, shit, man. It's nice up there.

[1359] How come?

[1360] How come?

[1361] can i clean this fucking thing up and then that's that's like the that's when you start doing things like exercising meditating or that's where you like create just a very simple intention in everything you do which is as much as possible i'm going to try to alleviate the suffering of people around me as much as i can yeah you know not that might not be a lot it might just be call it that might definitely does that too we got back from from this last ufc just a little bit of mushrooms was enough that I saw a homeless guy and he was like, I was like, I opened my wallet and I only had 20s.

[1362] And I was like, no, fuck it.

[1363] There you go.

[1364] That's what it does.

[1365] In those little moments, man, it shows you that you get, those moments present themselves to you all day fucking long.

[1366] But if you are stuck in selfishness, you don't see it.

[1367] Yeah, it's real simple little things.

[1368] But it's fun.

[1369] It's a very wonderful, that kind of simple intention can really depolute your, your subjective city that you've been sucking in shitty gas.

[1370] There was one time that I saw it, that I was, the only time I was like I ever guide to somebody, but it was Willie Hunter was on him.

[1371] And he was shitting on Vine.

[1372] He was shitting on some, like, comic who would become like a Vine Star, you know?

[1373] She was a shitty comic, but she became like a, and he was like, I hate Vine.

[1374] We're like, man, they're fun.

[1375] They're six second, like, fun videos.

[1376] He's like, no, I hate him.

[1377] I'm like, what about a six second YouTube video?

[1378] You'd watch that.

[1379] I don't, whatever.

[1380] He was just being shitty.

[1381] We were, like, trying to talk about it.

[1382] He couldn't stop.

[1383] Then we started doing the mushrooms.

[1384] And he was like, I'm a bad person.

[1385] And everybody was like, no, no, you're fine.

[1386] Willie, listen, you're right.

[1387] That was you being a bad person.

[1388] He's like, I'm so sorry.

[1389] But I was like, it's okay, because here's a deal.

[1390] From now on, you don't have to be that anymore.

[1391] You can just let that go and let people talk.

[1392] And he's like, yeah.

[1393] And that's what it shows you.

[1394] Like, you can change.

[1395] But that thing you're talking about where you realize, shit, I'm a bad person.

[1396] That is, I can't remember the name.

[1397] And Buddhism, there's an actual name for that.

[1398] And it's considered to be a very sweet moment where you need that moment.

[1399] It's fertilizer where you need that moment where you look at your life and you feel this very specific kind of sadness because you look at all the times you could have been kinder, all the times you could have called that person back, all the times you could have made decisions that were pushing your boat in the direction of a better world and you didn't do it.

[1400] And you should feel sad about that.

[1401] But you shouldn't spend your whole life feeling sad about it.

[1402] You should just spend some time there and look at it and think, okay.

[1403] well that's gone the past has been devoured by time there's only this moment now and so from this point forward as much as i can my decisions are going to be based on reducing the suffering of my species and that means pick up your trash just you litter before doesn't mean you have to litter keep going forever yeah yeah yeah the path of of trying to figure out like what's the best way in life is obscured by law isn't that amazing like there's laws that they've created that make the best tools to find out who you really are illegal like that's like there's not a therapy in the fucking world that will get a crazy sociopathic egomaniacal person to really look at themselves like a bag of mushrooms well there's nothing nothing all those moments in film are like whoa I realize now that's all bullshit that's creating a mushroom trip people that you know that are untrustworthy that you can't you can't like you can't trust their stories you can't trust their they're like those are the people that we all agree could have like the best experience on psychedelics because they'll give them like the best view of themselves yeah but those are the same type of people that are going to argue against it like if you ever talk to people that don't want mushrooms to be legal or don't want society like oh but fuck that you think that should be legal you'll lose your fucking mind what about people who've lost your fucking mind on that it's you're like what what people have lost their mind what are you talking about those movies yeah 40s well there's a bit there's a bit some people that have blown their brains out with LSD for sure.

[1404] There's definitely been some people that had some psychotic episodes.

[1405] And it can be argued that a lot of those psychotic episodes are people who are control freaks or egomaniacs that are struggling with the reality that's presented with them, presented to them.

[1406] Schizophrenic shouldn't try it.

[1407] That's my only thing.

[1408] People with history of schizophrenia and their family.

[1409] What about bipolar people?

[1410] What about bipolar people?

[1411] They probably shouldn't try it either.

[1412] I mean, it's probably a whole slew of people who have abnormal human chemistry.

[1413] You know what else?

[1414] Bipolar people shouldn't try?

[1415] Caffeine.

[1416] They shouldn't take caffeine pills.

[1417] Yeah, you shouldn't do anything that's going to push you in a manic state.

[1418] It's like we can't consider, you know, it's like the victim thing about people, the victims of psychedelics.

[1419] You know, and I know you think climbing up, what is it, the mountain, I think it's ridiculous, but there's a valley there called the, I just read about this on Reddit.

[1420] I think it's called, there's an area, I think it's called the Valley of Rainbows, and they call it that because of the brightly colored.

[1421] jackets on the corpses that are all laying there dead.

[1422] And I think psychedelics have the same kind of valley.

[1423] I think that there is an undeniable valley that must be filled with people who've been pushed into psychotic episodes or who under the influence of a psychedelic made bad decisions, car accidents, all the things that come from irresponsibly using an intoxic.

[1424] You've got to admit that's real.

[1425] But just because that is real, doesn't...

[1426] therefore exclude all the people who are saying again and again and again and again.

[1427] I've had amazing times.

[1428] My relationships are better.

[1429] My marriage is healed.

[1430] Same thing with alcohol.

[1431] It's like, all right, there's some drunk drivers.

[1432] Don't drunk drive.

[1433] But like, it's pretty fun to get fucked up with your friends once in a while.

[1434] You've got to look at the whole fucking picture.

[1435] Look at the whole thing.

[1436] Don't deny the fact that they're dangerous chemicals and that people have more than likely completely lost their shit because of them.

[1437] Don't deny that.

[1438] But then also don't deny the benefits.

[1439] It's in the same way with American sniper, much better movie if that character was actually dealing with the fact that he's blowing people away in a war that has been shown to be based on bad information.

[1440] Don't you think that when you get to be as old as Clint Eastwood is?

[1441] Yeah.

[1442] Don't you think that your faculties have been compromised?

[1443] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1444] Almost 100%.

[1445] He's not thinking the same way.

[1446] Yeah.

[1447] He was.

[1448] He's not as sharp.

[1449] No, honestly.

[1450] A million dollar baby was really good.

[1451] Yeah.

[1452] But this is not that.

[1453] What's also, it's the subject matter that he's prone to go into these, like, very right -wing.

[1454] And also, you probably get, like, you can't separate your deep feelings.

[1455] You didn't have deep feelings about women boxers.

[1456] Exactly.

[1457] You know, but he has deep feelings about this.

[1458] So it's got to be 100 % rah, rah, rah.

[1459] And it's like, all right, man, now you're not, even if he were younger, you still wouldn't be able to see this.

[1460] It's like, when someone talks, like, in their own words, and you get to hear them talk in their own words, you get a sense of, like, oh, I see why you created this piece of art. I see why this is your perspective.

[1461] And when you saw that Republican National Convention thing, whatever the fuck it was, when he was talking to Obama, that's, that's Glenn Eastwood.

[1462] That was, you know, he's so, he's so fucking crazy that he thought that up, like, on the spot.

[1463] That was ad -libbed.

[1464] Like, he didn't even have anything planned out.

[1465] This fucking guy is giving this speech in front of this gigantic group of people.

[1466] He's so confident in his ideas that he's going to ad -lib a conversation with Obama, complete with punchlines.

[1467] Oh, yeah.

[1468] He comes from a non -video world, too, where he's like, nah, said what, it's a group of a thousand people.

[1469] Well, he's also just completely confident in his position and life and who he is, and he's a movie star.

[1470] He's been a movie star for fucking 100 ,000 years.

[1471] Everybody's been kissing his ass long before the internet came along.

[1472] He's also a guy that agreed to do a fucking reality show.

[1473] Do you know that?

[1474] No. Or his wife was in a reality show.

[1475] His wife was in some crazy reality show, man. His wife, I don't know if they're still together.

[1476] I think they might have got divorced.

[1477] But she wanted to be a star.

[1478] So she married Clint Eastwood.

[1479] She was young and hot, and then she did a reality show.

[1480] Didn't know it.

[1481] Yeah, it didn't last.

[1482] I'm not sure if he's still with her.

[1483] There's no real trauma to it.

[1484] I looked up, I looked up an interview with Eastwood about directing the movie because I didn't understand how the guy at the Republican National...

[1485] You were affected by this.

[1486] Oh, I mean, I was just like, oh, wow, this is such blatant propaganda.

[1487] They're not even trying to make it subtle.

[1488] This is just like wartime propaganda.

[1489] You make a movie out of it.

[1490] Yeah, yeah.

[1491] That I was curious, like, okay, I wonder how...

[1492] involved Eastwood was in directing this, just based on what I saw at the Republican National Convention, didn't know it was improvised.

[1493] So now that kind of explains it.

[1494] I thought maybe he was just suffering from senile dementia or something.

[1495] It was called Mrs. Eastwood and Company.

[1496] It was on 2012.

[1497] It was a reality show.

[1498] So what did the interview say, though?

[1499] Well, the interview was, you know, it was just him saying like he had actually been reading the book when they called, and he said, let me finish the book.

[1500] I've got 40 pages left.

[1501] And so I read it the next day and decided you know it's just a basic basic interview but I just it was just so appalled by the fucking thing that was her she's pretty goddamn hot that's his wife it was his wife she divorced him of course he would marry a super hot person she's hot as fuck should cow's a wowsa wows a son by the way I also have a goddamn movie star yeah he is what do you expect yeah you can't really we're gonna say you also have something oh yeah I also have a story that's out on the YouTube now my first story they put it out oh beautiful smuggling weed in australia oh shit oh cool don't talk about that on online what are you doing the beginning of it is uh all right you should say this is all a lie you just got done talking about how truthfully you should be i don't do it anymore i don't do it anymore because the results of this story yeah but even then you you could be like admitting to an interpol related crime no no i don't buy any of that they're gonna fucking they have every bag of garbage from the moment of time and they have them like like locked up by date labeled so that if you talk about something they can go back to this warehouse and they go we found it we found the bag we got the rappers this fucking kids on the pot and that you brought those they'll find your DNA from the rapper from your sweat they'll isolate it and they'll bring you up into some sort of tribunal the next time you try to go to sydney here's how little i care about that just youtube search this is not happening rie smuggles weed into australia and you can see it right now you are gangster sir you know man that makes me think of this movie that's coming out.

[1502] I'm really excited about Timothy Leary's kid is releasing this movie about his dad and Richard Alpert, but it's got all this like fresh...

[1503] Bradley Cooper plays Timothy Leary.

[1504] I heard.

[1505] What's that?

[1506] Bradley Cooper's going to...

[1507] No, this is a documentary.

[1508] Oh, I missed it.

[1509] God damn it.

[1510] Sorry, Joe.

[1511] Totally.

[1512] That's such a slowball, too.

[1513] And I just fucking...

[1514] That was a slowball.

[1515] Yeah, he was going to give acid to this kid and he wasn't gonna, but then the kid picked up a Bible, so he gave the kid acid.

[1516] No, this...

[1517] It would be...

[1518] We've got to start making the real movies of these things.

[1519] They'll be like their sniper moment.

[1520] The kid is about to pick up the bottom.

[1521] I can't do it.

[1522] He gets the eyedropper and squirts it in the kid's mouth.

[1523] And you see the kid's eyeballs dilate.

[1524] The kid falls back into a kaleidoscope.

[1525] And Sergeant Pepper's lowly hearts clover.

[1526] Here's the real Jesus.

[1527] We help you.

[1528] That is what they do, too.

[1529] God.

[1530] They would do something probably worse, something more ridiculous than that.

[1531] Won't smart people be able to see through this?

[1532] Yeah, that's not his way.

[1533] watching this, though.

[1534] Yeah, those sniper movies aren't really for smart people.

[1535] But it's cool to watch clips of Timothy Leary at the Senate hearings, man. I apologize to my date afterwards.

[1536] It's cool watching him, like, having to talk to Senate about LSD.

[1537] It's badass.

[1538] So you apologize to your date?

[1539] Yeah.

[1540] Why?

[1541] We were talking.

[1542] I was like, yeah, sorry, I thought that would be better than I was.

[1543] Sorry.

[1544] Just a poor pick.

[1545] I'm going to get to pick the next one.

[1546] That's hilarious, poor pick.

[1547] That's hilarious.

[1548] There's a lot of stories about this.

[1549] I'm getting a shit, a to tweets of people asking me like to substantiate but there's a lot of stories it's all over online what are the him being a liar yeah the well the concerns i can't say i don't know who the fuck is right and who's wrong i didn't do any research except the jury decided in this one case that ventura is right yeah and then nothing else has been they owe him they owe um jessie ventura one point eight million dollars apparently one point eight million good should be one point nine million i say one point seven one point seven's what the fight so it's all so crazy yeah that that's how let's get yeah it's never like one point eight one three seven four million like it's that exact amount is the pain how do they come up with it that you narrowed it down to the close 800 ,000 that's a weird thousand it's a weird thing man to make a movie about a guy who you know was might have been a liar and put those lies in a movie and that gets all america all frothy there was a i mean well that means that you know what that means That means another fucking attacks coming.

[1550] Does that what it means?

[1551] What do you think it's all orchestrated?

[1552] Because we got to get people ready to join up.

[1553] I don't think.

[1554] Oh, right.

[1555] Yeah, I mean, it's better than a draft.

[1556] I guess if you've got to pick between a draft and non -drafts, if that means ridiculous propaganda movies coming out every year, then...

[1557] You know what I think?

[1558] I think you should know, no wars, we should fight no wars with anyone under 50.

[1559] I think everybody who goes to war should be over 50.

[1560] World peace.

[1561] And let's see how quick we've found.

[1562] fucking settle this thing.

[1563] I bet it would be pretty goddamn quick.

[1564] A bunch of old people that just don't want any trouble.

[1565] I mean, it was like, is there a way to solve this without shooting them?

[1566] It's like those cops were like he was coming at me and it's like, okay, but shooting him to death is the only way to stop a guy from coming at you?

[1567] Because you think about the consequences of the decision.

[1568] Think about the consequences of a decision to fly in a plane to a place where you've never been and shoot someone you never known based on the directions by some people who you don't know who are making you march.

[1569] They're making you go shum, They're making you do all this shit, preparing you for...

[1570] You have to listen to them unquestionably.

[1571] They've got to come home.

[1572] Imagine that with 50 -year -olds.

[1573] It's never going to happen.

[1574] We're sleeping in the desert.

[1575] We're going to go, wait a minute, and wait a while are we shooting these guys?

[1576] Went and waiting.

[1577] We're breaking down what door?

[1578] Who the fuck are you?

[1579] Who the fuck are you and where did you go to school?

[1580] What's your degree in?

[1581] And you're going to tell me about international politics?

[1582] Do you even know these fucking Sunnis?

[1583] What's the difference between the Sunni and a Shia, sir?

[1584] Tell me what the difference is.

[1585] You know?

[1586] Do you know why these people were war with each other?

[1587] Do you know why they hate each other?

[1588] Do you know why they hate us?

[1589] Do you know this is Holy Land?

[1590] Do you know how long this has been Holy Land?

[1591] Do you know when they're, and if you had a group of 50 -year -old people...

[1592] Go there and out -slug it?

[1593] Sit down, soldier, when I'm talking to you!

[1594] Oh, you're loud, so I have to listen?

[1595] Is that what's going on?

[1596] Oh, you don't have anything to say, so you're just going to loud.

[1597] Are you going to get my face and spit?

[1598] Is that going to make me intimidated?

[1599] And so I'll listen.

[1600] So I'll just go and kill some people that you say are bad.

[1601] But if we did that, if we just had only 50 -year -olds and above go to war, the whole fucking thing would change.

[1602] Yeah.

[1603] The whole thing.

[1604] It's easy to send fucking kids.

[1605] They don't know any better.

[1606] They say your cerebral cortex, your frontal lobe, they're saying, like, for young males, especially because of the fucking influx of testosterone.

[1607] They're just like dothrots.

[1608] They're rowdier.

[1609] They're not making rational decisions.

[1610] Like when you're a 16 -year -old kid, your balls are filled with testosterone.

[1611] There's a completely new experience.

[1612] By the time you've got to be 40 years old, you've had a lifetime of, wanting to come a lifetime of like knowing what that is and knowing how to mitigate it when you're 17 18 you don't know what the fuck is happening to your body you add into that masturbation guilt like people who are actually avoiding masturbation most of us don't but there are some who do so they try it as little as possible they still put the white gloves on the marines when they get caught masturbating they put making wear a white glove all around wasn't that a thing with marines i would wear white gloves and someone who's not masturbating.

[1613] That motherfucker's going to blow.

[1614] Mike Love, my morning.

[1615] They should have a fucking one of those Gopros under, over your bunk.

[1616] And if they don't see you beating off under the sheets, they can fucking ask you questions.

[1617] Duncan, you want to come in here and talk to us real quick?

[1618] You got anything on your mind?

[1619] Like maybe, pussy.

[1620] Yeah, no shit, man. Pussy or booties or something on your mind?

[1621] You're trying to keep boys' assholes.

[1622] I'm just thinking about killing right now.

[1623] This is Duncan, this is not the type of soldier we're looking for.

[1624] in this here army we want well -balanced individuals that make rational choices based on the evidence at hand not based on lust not based on a ball full of cum just waiting a fucking jizz all over some new part of the world to spread your fucking seed my gun is my cock the bullets are my jizz and the brains of the muha jadee are my pussy friend oh my god in the movie they told him his best friend or died to go jim's dead bro He said, bro.

[1625] Oh, God.

[1626] Isn't it really this bad?

[1627] Bill died, bro.

[1628] You gotta go see it, man. Oh, my God.

[1629] And you want to get up and leave, but you're like, are you going to call me an American if I just think the filmmaking of this is bad?

[1630] That's how manipulative it is.

[1631] Like, you want to walk out, but simultaneously you feel like you're being like.

[1632] You had to go 218 on this?

[1633] This is kind of...

[1634] You couldn't have done this in an hour, an hour 26.

[1635] Yeah.

[1636] It's 218.

[1637] It's kind of embarrassing.

[1638] If this turns out that this guy really did make up all this shit.

[1639] Because there's another article I'm looking at right now about the criticism of the post -Katrina New Orleans story, like how it's all total horseshit, how they can prove its horseshit because he wasn't even there at that time.

[1640] Yeah.

[1641] It's like there's a lot of horseshit.

[1642] I mean, there's Facebook pages.

[1643] And in the movie, it's all he's just trying to downplay all of his legend, even though he's now it's like he's the one who was saying it.

[1644] They'll fly you for this if you're wrong.

[1645] Good luck, good luck with the shot.

[1646] I know I'm not in, I'm supposed to help you out here, but they'll fry you for it.

[1647] Yeah, they'll fry you.

[1648] You'll put you in 11.

[1649] Why aren't you looking?

[1650] You're the spotter.

[1651] Look.

[1652] You helped him tell if it's an IUD or not.

[1653] You're just crouching behind a wall.

[1654] Just fucking up his shot.

[1655] I hope you needed extra pressure on this.

[1656] There's a Facebook page.

[1657] I'm not endorsing this.

[1658] I'm just letting you know.

[1659] That's dedicated entirely to the subject.

[1660] And it's Chris Kyle was a murderous liar.

[1661] It's a community on Facebook.

[1662] And it's all a bunch of different posts saying that, you know, saying how much it was bullshit.

[1663] This is crazy, man. yeah i guess people don't want to it's really hard for people to digest the simple fact that war makes a lot of money for a small amount of people it's a profitable endeavor and uh if you want to make money in that industry then you've got to convince heroes because that is a heroic it's a really sweet impulse the idea that i will give my life for you to protect you to protect people I don't know.

[1664] That's one of the highest human aspirations.

[1665] It's like an incredible thing.

[1666] So you take those people who have this incredible aspiration to give their life to protect people and you lie to them, brainwash them, and send them to a place to kill people based on this very incredible noble thing.

[1667] Yeah, they made Pat Dilman leave the NFL and fucking give his life.

[1668] And by the way, well, no, Pat Tillman did it on his own.

[1669] Yeah, but I'm saying, put it in his mind like, we need you to do this.

[1670] But Pat Tillman was a huge critic once he got over there.

[1671] You know, he was killed by friendly fire.

[1672] And there's many people that have speculated they murdered him.

[1673] They murdered him because he wouldn't shut the fuck up about how disorganized everything was, about what a dog and pony show and everything was fucked up.

[1674] The people that he had to listen to were all assholes.

[1675] He was like, this is crazy.

[1676] Like, this is not what I signed up for.

[1677] This is not what I wanted.

[1678] There's total chaos, which led to this fucking crossfire situation.

[1679] Pat fucking Tillman.

[1680] Tell him to stop shooting.

[1681] And then they shot him.

[1682] They shot his whole troop up, though, right?

[1683] I mean, look, when you start shooting things, that's the other thing.

[1684] They become targets.

[1685] They don't comment on drone mistakes.

[1686] They don't comment on the times when it blows up a fucking wedding convention.

[1687] Which is most of the time.

[1688] There's more mistakes.

[1689] The innocence and they're like, our policy is not to comment on that.

[1690] Like, wait, why is that an allowable policy?

[1691] Yeah, the percentage is terrifying.

[1692] If you look at the percentage of people that are actually killed by drones that are their intended targets, it's terrifying.

[1693] Well, they shouldn't be terrorists, but they're not.

[1694] There is surgical strikes.

[1695] Yeah.

[1696] How crazy is it?

[1697] You're not, it's not a scalpel on the end of a fishing pole.

[1698] Yeah.

[1699] You know, it's, the idea that surgical is retarded.

[1700] If we had drones going overhead, and then I found out who's responsible for it, Yemen, and I'm a little kid, and I'm like, this fucking Yemen drone that's over here killed my kids.

[1701] Like, goddamn right, I'm going to want to attack Yemen.

[1702] Stop fucking set of that shit over here.

[1703] It killed my father.

[1704] Yeah, well, not only that, but...

[1705] Why wouldn't they want to...

[1706] If you look at the...

[1707] Like, we were talking earlier about what you were saying about this, these invading armies in Iraq and all the people that have PTSD and the birth defects, you got to go way back to the original Gulf War.

[1708] They were using fucking depleted uranium and everybody forgets about this.

[1709] Everybody completely sweeps this under the rug.

[1710] It was proven.

[1711] They used depleted uranium shells that blew right through fucking tanks, this incredibly dense nuclear waste that poisons everything around it for 100 ,000 years.

[1712] And that was 25 years ago.

[1713] We're expecting those 15 -year -olds who are the 40 -year -olds now to go, oh, well, I don't care anymore.

[1714] No big deal.

[1715] Yeah.

[1716] I'll just forget about that time you killed my entire family.

[1717] Oh, and you're right here?

[1718] Someone representing your government's right here.

[1719] Totally cool.

[1720] But it's something that we're not supposed to talk about just like the ideologies that we discussed earlier, just like religion.

[1721] It falls into a religion.

[1722] You got to talk about it.

[1723] Nationalism falls into a religion.

[1724] If you don't all start talking about it, then you can't talk about it.

[1725] Well, it's also because, look, there are bad people.

[1726] You got to all keep talking about it.

[1727] That's right.

[1728] It's like, that's why it's all leaked because everyone's like, I don't know a big deal, right?

[1729] Everyone talks about it becomes normalized, you've got to just talk about it at all times.

[1730] Exactly.

[1731] With your friends, with whatever.

[1732] And it doesn't mean that you don't, this is where people get confused.

[1733] It doesn't mean that there aren't heroes and it doesn't mean you don't need a defense.

[1734] You don't need to be able to protect yourself from some fucking North Korean asshole.

[1735] That guy decides to start taking over the world.

[1736] Like, what if they had massive resources?

[1737] We're lucky they're in a resource -starved environment.

[1738] So you have this communist dictator with nuclear weapons in a resource -starved environment where they have to shut the lights off at night because they can't afford to keep them on.

[1739] But if that guy had oil or gold or something crazy and, like, Saudi Arabia -type money, if, like, one of those guys became some sort of a fucking world -spreading villain, you need heroes.

[1740] You need real soldiers that are willing to fight against bad people.

[1741] That's what happened in World War II, right?

[1742] World War II, when you had the Nazis and all the – I mean, I'm sure there's all sorts of complexities.

[1743] They use the justified war argument as proved to get us into sort of way less justified wars.

[1744] Absolutely.

[1745] We were saying before about religion.

[1746] The best thing to happen to the U .S. Army.

[1747] Well, we're saying...

[1748] Look, now we can do anything if we just say we're doing the right thing.

[1749] Exactly.

[1750] It's exactly the same thing we were saying about religion.

[1751] It's not that these people are bad people, and it's not that God is bad.

[1752] No one's saying that, like...

[1753] But what we're saying is, like, look what's being done in the name of this, and look how there's no thinking.

[1754] Right.

[1755] Whenever there's no thinking and horrific acts are being done, there's no thing.

[1756] If you're ever in a situation where a fucking little kid has a rocket...

[1757] launcher everybody should stop what they're doing get the fuck out of there and try to figure out a how how did this happen and b how do you fix it and the way you don't fix it is by shooting kids that doesn't fix shit that's just like the mother my baby you know what the oklopi is doing now oklopi is starting up like youth basketball leagues and they're coaching and stuff so that the youth grow up not going fuck the police but like no the police are cool they help us out and stuff that's a great idea we can't solve it right now but 20 years from now it'll be better than it is now Well, it's also what's happened in New York when they did the police slowdown where they just wouldn't arrest anybody for anything after those two kids got, or those two cops got shot by that one guy.

[1758] Yeah.

[1759] That one guy who, by the way, also shot his fucking ex -girlfriend.

[1760] Like, the guy was a piece of shit.

[1761] Like, to people to think he's a hero.

[1762] Like, Jesus Christ, he shot his girlfriend first.

[1763] And then he went and shot those cops.

[1764] He was a psychotic, murderous person.

[1765] But because of that act, the cops backed up.

[1766] The cops finally started, stopped fucking with people.

[1767] They need to stay where they're at right there.

[1768] Yeah, exactly.

[1769] Right where they are right there.

[1770] Why are you finding it gets killed?

[1771] Why are you finding it gets cameras?

[1772] I'm not saying that they should be scared all the time of being murdered, but I'm saying the attitude that they develop, like, okay, we're not going to arrest anybody for anything that's not important.

[1773] That's all you should have ever been doing.

[1774] Exactly.

[1775] Yeah, right.

[1776] You're not a fucking revenue collector.

[1777] It's illegal to sell cigarettes outside.

[1778] So tell them to get lost.

[1779] Or don't do shit.

[1780] You'll shake him down.

[1781] How about you hire a fucking lawyer to go sue that guy?

[1782] And then you find out, he doesn't have any money, he's not going to pay you anyway.

[1783] There's your problem.

[1784] You got a problem with tax collecting.

[1785] You know if that guy robs somebody, then you bring in the cops.

[1786] They don't arrest people with jaywalking in the York.

[1787] If he comes in and he breaks into your house and steals your TV, then you have the cops.

[1788] But anything, any use of that other than protecting people, fucking choking a guy because he's not paying cigarette tax?

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] What the fuck are the cops?

[1791] Yeah, it's not like New York plunged into chaos because they started enforcing, stop enforcing them.

[1792] Write him a ticket.

[1793] Yeah.

[1794] You know how much nicer the way?

[1795] world would be if cops only acted in that slow down manner?

[1796] But they don't act like that with a big black man. There's a huge racism thing.

[1797] I mean, it would be incredible.

[1798] They don't act that way.

[1799] You've been there over the last few months.

[1800] You moved there like half the year.

[1801] What is your experience like in the difference in racism out here as opposed to racism there?

[1802] Everyone's all joined in.

[1803] Here we're way set more separated.

[1804] But it's like, I don't think we see shit.

[1805] Like, why people don't even see the, like, they're constantly getting like, you know what resisting arrest is?

[1806] Resisting arrest is after the first time, somebody's like, hey, let me see your ID and they grab you and they push you.

[1807] The second time the same shit happens, the cop pushes you.

[1808] The fourth time they get out of your car and they grab your wrist.

[1809] Come on, man. If you pull back you've resisted arrest.

[1810] Wow.

[1811] I'm not.

[1812] Come on.

[1813] I'm late for a movie.

[1814] Let's just talk about this first.

[1815] You've resisted arrest.

[1816] Right.

[1817] And it's up to their discretion whether or not they choose to arrest you or don't arrest you.

[1818] Some people get off on the exact same charge and they skate, whereas other people get arrested.

[1819] Like if you're a white guy with a suit and you do a certain thing.

[1820] The stop and frisk was based on stop and frisk people Latinos and blacks who look like they might have some shit.

[1821] Right, you didn't see it on Wall Street.

[1822] No, of course not.

[1823] You didn't see them instigating stop and frisk on Wall Street.

[1824] So people on Wall Street weren't as outraged about it.

[1825] Stop and frisk for shit that shouldn't be illegal in the first place.

[1826] Right, so that's like illegal search.

[1827] It's like saying we're going to search you but we have no reason to search you.

[1828] Well, it could have been weapons, right?

[1829] They were looking for weapons.

[1830] They're looking for I mean, it's dope, man. They want to get you for dope.

[1831] Right, then they arrest you for dope.

[1832] That's what they arrest.

[1833] They pretend they're looking for weed, huh?

[1834] Now you're going to jail.

[1835] It's something that grows out of the earth that helps, can And I'll be honest, if I'm a cop and I don't like you and I see something, even if I don't think it's wrong, if I'm a 23 -year -old, I'm like, oh, well, I'm going to put you in jail now.

[1836] Meanwhile, you can be a Wall Street guy with a leather -bound briefcase.

[1837] It has your engravement of your initials and your family crest on it.

[1838] They pull you over.

[1839] They stop and frisk you.

[1840] Pop open the time.

[1841] You see a bottle of heroin.

[1842] Heroin pills.

[1843] But on that bottle has your name on it.

[1844] It seems to match.

[1845] It was your heroin back.

[1846] You've registered.

[1847] You've paid your taxes.

[1848] It's absurd.

[1849] The king got his price of this.

[1850] Yes.

[1851] From both from the doctor as well.

[1852] You know how I know that people would abuse their privileges based on stuff they don't even believe in?

[1853] We have a comedian's basketball league and we're all playing.

[1854] And it's a direct league.

[1855] They call technicals on curses and stuff.

[1856] And so if you hear somebody curse...

[1857] Yeah.

[1858] Well, they don't know.

[1859] It's a comedian's league.

[1860] We just made our own comedian's league.

[1861] But if we hear somebody cursing, some other comedian, if I hear fucking Jeff Die cursed, oh, he cursed!

[1862] He cursed!

[1863] And we all try to get a fucking cheap technical.

[1864] Oh, shit that no comic believes cursing should be not allowed.

[1865] Right, but isn't that just for fun?

[1866] Like, you're doing it for fun.

[1867] Yeah, but we want the fucking benefit.

[1868] We're going to abuse our power so we don't believe in.

[1869] Of course, if it 23, somebody goes, fuck you, cop.

[1870] Like, well, I'll look at anything I can to put you in jail right now.

[1871] That would be like if we were playing pool and I go, oh, it's fucking shot.

[1872] Oh, give me ball in hand.

[1873] Exactly, because I curse and you'd actually ask for it.

[1874] No, no, no, dude, you got to give me ball in hand.

[1875] Like, that would be such a...

[1876] She'd be like, I decline that rule.

[1877] Dushy game.

[1878] You guys do that.

[1879] playing basketball, you need to stop.

[1880] You need to get on mushrooms and think about that.

[1881] Yeah.

[1882] Calling technicals on people for swearing.

[1883] I say when they're technicals like that are not having your jersey.

[1884] I'm like, we're comics.

[1885] Nobody remembers to watch their jersey.

[1886] And it's only comics playing against comics.

[1887] We made our own league.

[1888] So you have to have done an open mic at least to get on the thing.

[1889] That's hilarious.

[1890] Except we have one team.

[1891] We call them the corporate sellouts and that's all the agents and managers.

[1892] That's funny.

[1893] You know what you should do?

[1894] You should recruit really fucking good players and just get them to do an open mic.

[1895] That's what Rick Glassman's shit.

[1896] That's what he does.

[1897] And he gets him to do one -up of her mic.

[1898] Like, no, man. That's all you'd have to do.

[1899] The point is to play the game with comics.

[1900] So we're all having fun.

[1901] Play the game with, well, you used to have a comics softball league back in Boston.

[1902] Really?

[1903] Oh, my God, it would get so competitive.

[1904] It was so crazy.

[1905] It was like, like, competitive.

[1906] People screaming at people over fucking fouls or where ball was in, the ball was out.

[1907] You know, it's like, oh, my God.

[1908] Yeah.

[1909] I remember, like, people in each other's face throwing their gloves down, screaming at each other.

[1910] A comics bat baseball game.

[1911] Yeah.

[1912] But that's Boston, too.

[1913] Baby babies without their bottles.

[1914] I was back at Boston.

[1915] They fixed that club.

[1916] That's great.

[1917] That's great.

[1918] The sound system is awesome.

[1919] Okay.

[1920] You don't have to worry about it anymore.

[1921] But they're in the autumn, then.

[1922] Because everybody had that rumor that was out that the sound system sucked is loud as fuck.

[1923] It did feed back once when I got, like, on top of the actual speaker.

[1924] That wasn't anyone I was talking about.

[1925] But that happens almost everywhere, you know, unless it's perfect.

[1926] That's one thing the improv does.

[1927] There's never a fuck up.

[1928] If you're working an improv, like if the sound system's always perfect, the seating, is always perfect there's never sight line issues they don't ever fuck around like you know some clubs that you work out they're kind of funky like if you stand at one stadiums where you can't even see fly balls yeah but clubs worse because it's often pillars in the room yeah and if you're behind that pillar and you go to the right side like the the people that are behind that pillar literally can't even see you yeah like they're there but unless they have to watch monitors in a club the improv has that nailed they always say like nope you gotta set this up like that like all of them are like nope set it up like that yeah Like this way.

[1929] It's got Todd Glass level approval.

[1930] Todd Glass.

[1931] That's helium.

[1932] Helium.

[1933] He helped them design.

[1934] Oh, he did?

[1935] Helium and Philly.

[1936] Listen, I got to go.

[1937] Get the fuck out of here.

[1938] Can I say something real quick?

[1939] Absolutely.

[1940] I'm going to be doing a live Dunkett Russell Family Hour podcast on the 25th, which is this Sunday in Dallas, Texas.

[1941] And ticket links are at my website.

[1942] Good Lord, Duncan Trussell.

[1943] A live Duncan Trussell family hour.

[1944] With Johnny Pepperson.

[1945] With Johnny Peppers.

[1946] Please tell me I can go.

[1947] Please.

[1948] What is it this weekend?

[1949] It's this weekend, this Sunday.

[1950] Where is it?

[1951] I'm going to be in sweet.

[1952] That's in Dallas, and then I'm doing Austin and the Come and Take It Comedy Festival, which is in Houston, too.

[1953] What is it called?

[1954] The what?

[1955] The Come and Take It, Comedy Takeover Festival.

[1956] It's all my website.

[1957] If you're in Texas, come out and see a podcast.

[1958] Yeah, ha!

[1959] And Comedy Central, this is not happening.

[1960] Premiers.

[1961] This Thursday.

[1962] Every Thursday at 12 .30 after at midnight for eight straight weeks.

[1963] Boom.

[1964] Look at the opening.

[1965] Eight different openings.

[1966] The director's crazy.

[1967] Boom, son.

[1968] And on top of that, the other videos are available all on YouTube on...

[1969] Yeah, go to this is not happening on YouTube.

[1970] Just enter that.

[1971] They should all be coming up.

[1972] Good googly -moly, ladies and gentlemen.

[1973] The playlist will be out tomorrow.

[1974] My new one's out today.

[1975] All right.

[1976] I'm gone all week.

[1977] No more podcast.

[1978] Go fuck yourself.

[1979] Thanks, everybody.

[1980] See you soon.

[1981] Oh, June January 30th.

[1982] I'm at the Mirage in Las Vegas.

[1983] Again, back at the Mirage with Tony Hinchcliff and Ian Edwards.

[1984] So we'll see you then.

[1985] All right.

[1986] Much love.

[1987] Bye.