Special Episode: The Song That Found Me

[0] I'm Wesley Morris, one of the critics at the New York Times, and we are having a moment.

[1] A large, seismic, unpredictable, ever -changing moment.

[2] And I have just been holding on to all of these images.

[3] These videos of people, black men and women on the streets, screaming into people's cameras about how fed up they are with this entire situation.

[4] And everything you know as a black person in the United States of America, everything you've felt, everything you've been made to feel, you feel it in your heart, but you've got to persevere, you've got to keep going.

[5] And when you're having a moment like this where the ground is shifting beneath your feet in a thousand different ways, seemingly several times an hour every day for more than two weeks, it's useful to try to figure out a way to get your bearings, to more yourself, so that you don't get lost in all the chaos and the chaos doesn't swallow you up.

[6] And so what happens for me in a moment like this is I turn to art. So a couple Sundays ago, I moved forward from my living room into my kitchen.

[7] It's been quite a weekend this particular Sunday.

[8] I've had protesters on my street coming up and down my block with a great no justice, no peace.

[9] And on this particular Sunday, I did what I normally do with my Sundays.

[10] I cook and my companion was going to be music.

[11] So one thing you should know about me is that when it comes to art, I'm a big completionist.

[12] That tends to be my mode as a critic.

[13] I tend to go through periods where I'll read every Philip Roth novel.

[14] I will watch every Andrei Tarkovsky movie.

[15] In the last couple of weeks, I've been spending my time with one pet.

[16] She's got a number of solo records, and I was going through all the solo records when I got to 1985's Patty.

[17] Patty LaBelle, one of America's greatest singers, one of America's greatest imaginations when it comes to how to sing, has a voice that could stop traffic, it could send you into outer space.

[18] Sometimes it is outer space.

[19] It is sometimes just the most beautiful sustained singing, the notes she can hit, the way she can flatten vowels and then pull them out like taffy.

[20] And that album closes with a song that I have heard 10 ,000 times, which is a cover of If You Don't Know Me By Now, it's a classic breakup ballad, but I'm standing there in my kitchen over my sink, Listening to it like I've never heard it before in my life.

[21] All the things that we've been through should understand me. I understand you.

[22] And there's a moment in the middle of the song where the band clears a space for her.

[23] She's talking the audience through this moment of self -reckoning about how How fed up she is.

[24] Sometimes I think you're all known about.

[25] I think it's kind of like your ego gets in the way.

[26] And you take for granted somebody just knows what you're all about, my dear.

[27] And they just don't.

[28] She is walking us through what it's like to be misunderstood, underappreciated in the bargain and contract of a relationship.

[29] You break your back, you break your legs, and you break your face.

[30] Trying to make these people know you're in life.

[31] But somehow, they just don't want to try to.

[32] You know, I'm me and you're you, and we've been together.

[33] We've been doing this for a long time, and I can't believe after all this time, you still haven't figured out who I am, what I am, what I'm about, what I believe.

[34] So you say to yourself, Is it something I said?

[35] Is it something I done?

[36] And after Patty LaBelle has walked everybody through this moment where she is regarding herself in a mirror is how I imagine it.

[37] She just says, self, is it worth it?

[38] Am I going to do this for 10 more years?

[39] Am I going to keep staying in this relationship and hoping that things get better?

[40] because I'm not going to change.

[41] So unless you change, and you haven't changed yet, you keep acting like you just met me. And if you don't know what the deal is at this point, I don't know what to tell you.

[42] And then she just lets out this.

[43] And all of the, I can only just say stuff that I had been carrying around all these years, all these decades, I wonder if an epidemiologist would say I was born with it.

[44] And every once in a while, something reaches it, and it squeezes it, and it squeezes it, and it squeezes it, and it squeezes it, and Patty LaBelle just popped that thing from me in this moment.

[45] And I just wept.

[46] It is a rock through a window.

[47] It is the burning down of a house.

[48] It's an anger that I feel that I couldn't express the way she expresses it.

[49] And my brain went right to that man's knee on George Floyd's neck.

[50] It went to every other African American who has died at the hands of a police officer.

[51] or really if anybody wrongfully and how we sit with that each one of those deaths even though that person is a total stranger to us we carry it with us but I knew that this moment was the last straw for me and I suspect that this moment of Nina Pop being killed and Breonna Taylor being killed and Amad Aubrey being killed and George Floyd being killed this is it because there's a lot of stuff coursing through a lot of people in this country and they've had it this is it this is the damn breaking and I don't I don't know if there's anything that the racists of this country can do to redam what is broke.

[52] So this was essentially based on a piece of writing that I did.

[53] And a few days after it published, my phone rang.

[54] And it was a Philadelphia number.

[55] I'm from Philadelphia.

[56] So in my thinking, when I see those numbers, I think could it be my cousin Paulette?

[57] could it be Bumpsy?

[58] Could it be one of my sister's many girlfriends who likes to call me every once in a while, but their numbers change too?

[59] I don't know.

[60] It could have been anybody.

[61] So I take the call, and it was someone who introduced himself as Eddie.

[62] And he says, Wesley Morris, I have Miss Patty LaBelle here waiting to speak to you.

[63] And so I'm like, okay, sure.

[64] I'm taking the call.

[65] Yes, yes, by all means, I am taking this call.

[66] And she had basically reached out to tell me that she was so appreciative of what I'd written.

[67] We talked for about 11 minutes, and she told me more things in 11 minutes than I think most people get done in 11 hours of talking.

[68] She was so warm and effusive, and in my being starstruck, I realized when we got off the phone that I actually did have a couple of questions that I wanted to ask her.

[69] So the other day, in the late afternoon, I sat down in the living room, and I called her back.

[70] Hello.

[71] Hello.

[72] Hey, good morning, as far as I'm concerned, it's morning.

[73] Well, good morning to you, Miss Patty LaBelle.

[74] I'm pretty good.

[75] How are you doing?

[76] I cannot complain.

[77] woke up this morning.

[78] Amen.

[79] Yeah, that was the main thing, honey.

[80] Um, so how are you doing with, what are you doing with your time right now?

[81] How are you spending it?

[82] You know how I'm spending my time.

[83] Can I cook?

[84] So that's what I've been doing for the last four months, you know, and loving it.

[85] I love to cook for everybody.

[86] So I've been cooking.

[87] I've been watching my, um, grandkids swim, you know, because I can't swim.

[88] So get out there, we'll have something on the grill, social distancing.

[89] So that's what I've been doing, arranging flowers, cooking, meditating, and praying.

[90] Mm -hmm, mm -hmm.

[91] Well, you know, what I'm wondering is what brings you comfort in a moment like this?

[92] I mean, there's the pandemic on the one hand.

[93] There are these protests.

[94] protesting what brings me peace.

[95] Seems like billions of marches all over the world, marching for something that I'm feeling so strong on that's going to happen, a change.

[96] And it's going to be a positive change because all these people in spare their lives, they're marching and COVID.

[97] They said, I'd rather die marching for something so positive.

[98] That's what I did.

[99] My comfort is being here with my little puppy watching, watching the TV and watching things, just watching everything and saying, oh, my God.

[100] Is there music, like, when you've been feeling, I mean, I don't know how down you get.

[101] I don't know how, you know, bluesy you start to feel.

[102] But when you get in those places, if you do, what music gets you out or what music helps you through it?

[103] Well, there are so many types of music that helps me through it.

[104] I mean, I love California love.

[105] I love that.

[106] I love 50 cent.

[107] I love Bob Dylan.

[108] The answer is blowing him to win.

[109] A change is going to come.

[110] I performed that like three weeks ago in Philadelphia for a Philly shout out for the COVID.

[111] And I sing a change is going to come.

[112] You know, I'm struggling being the black girl who's saying, if you ask me to.

[113] But mine is not accepted the way my girlfriend is, you know?

[114] You know, you're talking about your.

[115] great version, if you ask me to, that great song.

[116] And Celine Dion sings it, and it's a bigger hit.

[117] And it's like that in all parts of my life.

[118] I have to work harder to be seen, to be seen.

[119] Not even listen to.

[120] First, you've got to see you and see if they want to see that black face and listen to that black face music.

[121] You know, and then when they do, they compare.

[122] Yeah.

[123] And they take the other one.

[124] instead of mine.

[125] And, of course, that hurts.

[126] Mm -hmm.

[127] And she's one of my best friends, but, you know, it hurts.

[128] So it's a whole bunch of stuff, honey.

[129] I know, I know.

[130] On and on.

[131] I can't take it, but I take it.

[132] And I always smile.

[133] What was it about this, uh, this Gamble and Huff song?

[134] If you don't know me by now that, that you don't know me?

[135] Yeah.

[136] What made you want to sing that?

[137] Well, Because Kenny and Leon, there are some of my better friends.

[138] And after I heard the song by Teddy, I think Kenny said, you need to do this song or something.

[139] Yeah, Teddy Pendergast, the great Teddy Pendergast.

[140] Right.

[141] And Kenny Gamble said, girlfriend, you have to do this song.

[142] And I, of course, listened to it before.

[143] I said, I can record this song.

[144] And of course, I did because that's the song that I'll kick my pumps all.

[145] And back in the day, roll on the floor.

[146] I can't roll on that floor now.

[147] But I could still kick the pumps off, you know, and do that.

[148] But that's one of those songs that I had to do.

[149] And I was doing live in D .C. at Constitution Hall.

[150] And my voice was so bad, I saw a specialist.

[151] And he said, Miss LaBelle, don't sing or you'll never sing again.

[152] And I said, I can't sing no more.

[153] I run away because my voice is gone, and I can't face that audience tonight, you know, without saying.

[154] So I ran away from the hotel.

[155] I had gone right next door to a gas station from the Watergate Hotel.

[156] So I was in there for like about an hour, knowing they were looking for me. So you're at a gas station for an hour?

[157] Just nobody walked by and to - I was at a gas station for an hour.

[158] Nobody knew who I was.

[159] I wasn't done up.

[160] I wasn't looked like me. I was in the gas station just hiding from the world, and nobody could care less who I was.

[161] say, no. But my husband and the posse, honey, they were looking for me. And I said, it's fine.

[162] Plus, I was hungry.

[163] I said, let me get out this gas station and eat these chips.

[164] I didn't have money, so I would have to steal a bag of chips if I wanted to eat.

[165] So I did want to eat.

[166] And I did want to please the audience, and I did want to show up.

[167] And that's the night that I did, if you don't know me by now, live.

[168] And I made up that little rap as we were singing.

[169] I was so mad.

[170] And at what.

[171] I was mad at myself for not having the voice I wanted, but the voice sounds okay on the recording, you know.

[172] It sounds amazing.

[173] Are you kidding?

[174] I know you like it, baby.

[175] Thank you.

[176] Yeah.

[177] You know, but that was a runaway night in my life.

[178] Ran away, but came back and we did a great show at Constitution Hall.

[179] Well, I got to say that I'm glad that you changed your mind and got yourself to the Constitution.

[180] Right, I am too.

[181] I'm so happy I did.

[182] But, you know, fear sometimes can lead you in the wrong place.

[183] Fear is a fighter.

[184] And if you let fear win, then you're punk.

[185] And ain't no punk and Patty.

[186] Okay, so the little punk girl went out there and sang her song.

[187] Oh, my goodness.

[188] Yeah, but I got the pleasure of that audience.

[189] And you can hear them.

[190] They are really, they are responding to you.

[191] Uh -huh.

[192] Big time.

[193] It was so beautiful.

[194] You like me or you love me or you hate me. And I've been getting a lot of love.

[195] Well, I hope you feel it right now.

[196] I do, honey, from you.

[197] Okay.

[198] Because when I read that article, I said, this man must be my husband.

[199] Right.

[200] This little stuff, I promise you.

[201] I said, who paid him?

[202] I said, I said, Okay.

[203] But I'll just say in closing before I let you go that like, you know, I listen to you all the time.

[204] You're a part of my music diet.

[205] Thank you.

[206] But I feel like that moment in the kitchen that I had, I mean, I wasn't looking for like a release.

[207] I wasn't looking for catharsis.

[208] I was just listening to you.

[209] And I feel like that song found me. Oh, that's very interesting.

[210] It found you.

[211] I'm going to play it when I hang up because I don't listen to music, especially my music.

[212] I don't listen to my music, but I'm going to listen to that when I hang up.

[213] You should.

[214] The person singing it is incredibly talented.

[215] Oh, thank you, darling.

[216] Thank you.

[217] I love the way you love me. Well, I appreciate you.

[218] All right.

[219] It's so nice talking to you.

[220] It's a pleasure talking to you.

[221] Okay, honey.

[222] Be safe.

[223] You'd be safe and have fun in your pool.

[224] Yeah, right, watching them swim.

[225] I can't swim.

[226] I get out there and I kick in a little shoozy part.

[227] Miss Patty, that's just as good.

[228] I know it is.

[229] I'm getting my exercise with my legs.

[230] Yes, I am.

[231] All right, honey.

[232] All right, we'll have a great rest of the day.

[233] Okay.

[234] So I'll see you soon.

[235] I'll see you soon.

[236] Okay.

[237] Bye, bye.

[238] Thank you.

[239] Bye, baby.