The #1 Thing Holding You Back from OVERCOMING Grief

[0] Hello, everybody, and welcome back to The Advisor with Stacey Cholemi.

[1] And today I'm very excited because we have Carol Ann Tutera in our show today.

[2] And she has her own podcast on our show.

[3] And she also is part of our podcast community.

[4] So I highly suggest that you check out her podcast.

[5] They're very inspirational and motivational.

[6] And she talks a lot about different topics that we go through in life, such as grief.

[7] love, self -care, overcoming hard obstacles in our lives.

[8] And she's just truly amazing.

[9] Her husband was the founder of Soto Peli, and he did hormone imbalance.

[10] And they also helped him.

[11] He helped a lot of women with a lot of women issues.

[12] Carol Ann herself was the co -founder and she kept it all together.

[13] And she's here today because her mission is to make a difference in people's lives.

[14] And today she wants to talk about how it's a rough life and how we go through losing the people we love or seeing people we love start to dwindle in their health.

[15] And how do we overcome?

[16] How do we get over that?

[17] How do we watch the people we love start to dwindle?

[18] How do we overcome grief when they pass over?

[19] do we move forward in life once that occurs how do we get ourselves together and really learn how to move forward in life and have a healthy and happy productive life without the people in our lives that meant so much or even the animals and that's what we're going to touch base on today too is is that you know not only do we lose people we love but we lose animals and people and and and things in our lives that mean so much to us valuable things and carolyn i'm going to give the plate to you right now because because I know you have a lot to say and a lot of things to share.

[20] And you're so good at it because you just have so many meaningful things that you share that make a difference in people's lives.

[21] And that's what I love so much about you.

[22] So can you tell everybody a little about yourself?

[23] And let's talk about how it's a rough life, because it is a rough life.

[24] And a lot of people want to know, how do we deal with some of these issues?

[25] Thank you for having me back.

[26] It's a pleasure to be here again.

[27] I just love chatting with you.

[28] I really do.

[29] You are right that my late husband and I started this whole field of pellet therapy.

[30] Without him, it wouldn't be where it is today for sure.

[31] I really like seeing people age gracefully when they have their hormones all in balance, in check.

[32] And done with the right modality.

[33] And that's the nice thing about pellet therapy.

[34] It truly is the only thing out there that's 24 -7 within the body.

[35] Yes.

[36] You picked up on something in me before we started the show that my energy level seemed a little bit down.

[37] And it is because it was a rough R -U -F -F night last night with my little dog who's a...

[38] the end of her life.

[39] And I just lost her sister about nine months ago.

[40] So it's pretty tough.

[41] She had a bad night.

[42] She was up every other hour, just very confused and very sad.

[43] And with the dementia that she's got going on, she's not really sure who I am or what's happening.

[44] And it's really challenging to watch her go through this time of her life.

[45] So yet again, I am moving through the grief process.

[46] Lost my husband, my little chihuahua that was really his dog.

[47] So it felt like it was a piece of him that I lost.

[48] Yeah.

[49] And now I'm losing the last person in my house who I tend and care for.

[50] I've not really been on my own at all since.

[51] college since my first marriage.

[52] So it's, it's going to be a big adjustment for me, really big adjustment of truly caring about just myself.

[53] So that's kind of where life is today.

[54] You said how we get over it.

[55] We don't get over things.

[56] We may deal with it.

[57] Yes.

[58] But if you get over it, you're stuffing it back inside.

[59] Yes.

[60] And you have.

[61] to let the pain go so there's a difference between letting go and getting over it yes when somebody passes an animal passes that you're very dear with you don't ever get over grief yeah you learn to deal with that pain that's within With the sadness, with everything that it brings up that you've experienced in your life, if you think you're going to get over it and you say, fine, I'm good now, I got over it, that just means you stuffed it back inside and you've not dealt with it.

[62] You really need to deal with those emotions so you can let it go.

[63] But letting it go doesn't mean you forget about them.

[64] And move on without them.

[65] Yes.

[66] I'm a firm believer.

[67] I think about my late husband probably every day.

[68] And I talk to him just about every day.

[69] Yes.

[70] So that to me is the big difference between get over it and letting it go.

[71] Right.

[72] I feel like you're 100 % right.

[73] You know, any.

[74] animal in my life or any person in my life that has passed i never truly gotten over i may have used those words but i never got over it i learned how to cope with it and even when we you know i saw today your energy was not as spunky as it usually is when you come on and you just didn't seem like your normal self and i asked you what's wrong and you mentioned that we started talking for a few seconds about You know, you mentioned about your dog and then I mentioned about my dog because my first Shih Tzu had Alzheimer's.

[75] And as soon as we started talking for a couple of seconds, I started crying because it just brought back memories of.

[76] you know everything that i went through with her towards the end and how it felt and all those feelings and all those those those memories came to surface and then it was like those those feelings were just had happened you know um and i think like you said I don't think we ever get over it.

[77] I don't think those emotions go away.

[78] I think we try to heal and learn how to cope with them.

[79] So when they do pop up or we get a trigger point, something reminds us of maybe the animals we loved or the person in our life that we loved, you know, and that those emotions start to come to surface.

[80] We learn how to cope with it so we don't get to a place where we feel depressed or frustrated or angry or, you know, some people even get suicidal because we're.

[81] When they lose somebody and they're all by themselves, they start looking at the negative.

[82] And that's even also another thing is that many people who had a spouse and they lost their spouse, they found that a lot of times within six months, the other spouse became ill and many of them passed on within a six -month period because of all the stress and all the emotions that they went through.

[83] They became so depressed and they became so sickly.

[84] from all those negative emotions that they actually pass themselves.

[85] And that's what even happened to my aunt.

[86] Once my uncle had passed, within six months, her health declined tremendously.

[87] She went from A to Z and she passed within a six month period.

[88] So you could see how getting over grief is, you know, not getting over, learn how to cope with grief is so important.

[89] We can't let grief take control of our lives.

[90] We have to learn how to cope with it so grief doesn't get the best.

[91] of us.

[92] Well, we learn how to manage it.

[93] Yes.

[94] We work through those feelings that it brings up within us.

[95] Yeah.

[96] So that way we can let those feelings go.

[97] We don't let the love go.

[98] We let the sadness and the overwhelm.

[99] And for me, what really helps is I know this might sound really odd, but compartmentalizing.

[100] My sadness.

[101] I mean, when my husband died, I look back and I would always cry in the shower.

[102] It felt good to cry in the shower.

[103] Yeah.

[104] And then I would get on with my day and move through the day.

[105] Sometimes when I came home at night and the house is empty.

[106] I would find the time to release the sadness that way as well.

[107] Yeah.

[108] With my little chihuahua I lost months ago.

[109] I think I was crying all the time.

[110] At that point, I just, I didn't even care.

[111] Yeah.

[112] I would sit down at the computer and I just would start crying.

[113] Yeah.

[114] And it hurts.

[115] And it's painful.

[116] And it's okay to feel those feelings.

[117] It's okay to let them come up.

[118] Yeah.

[119] But in my world, it's not okay to let them stay there and take over my life.

[120] You had mentioned how others die.

[121] That's that's so common where and I think there was a football players father who died.

[122] Then the mother died two days later.

[123] I had a girlfriend, the same thing.

[124] Her husband passed six months after my husband and she had a heart attack from a broken heart from when he died because his was just as sudden.

[125] It is common.

[126] It does happen.

[127] Oh, yeah.

[128] And there is joy on the other side of grief.

[129] Everything has to balance itself out.

[130] Yeah.

[131] Just like on the other side of love, there's anger.

[132] Yes.

[133] And that's okay.

[134] Yeah.

[135] If you don't let them come up to the surface and deal with it, they take over your life.

[136] That's not okay.

[137] Yeah.

[138] I've been in anger for a long time of my life and it.

[139] did not serve me well until I learned how to deal with it.

[140] Yeah.

[141] There were so many times even my, I would talk to my grandmother and she was one of those tough women that didn't really like, you know, she was taught not to share her emotions, but she would sit down with me and she would say, she just felt so angry.

[142] There were many times where she would start to yell at him.

[143] Why did you leave me?

[144] Why did you leave me?

[145] Because, you know, she was just so angry, you know, that he had left because she just loved him so much, didn't want him to go.

[146] And maybe that's selfish of us.

[147] But at the same time, we don't want them to go.

[148] We want them here.

[149] We want to be able, we think of the moments, you know, the good times, the memories, and we want those back.

[150] And, you know, I always say when someone passes, they may not be here physically.

[151] We may not be able to touch them.

[152] But spiritually, they're always with us.

[153] And they are always watching over us.

[154] They are.

[155] They absolutely are.

[156] There is life on the other side of that veil.

[157] Yes.

[158] And they are there and they are cheering us on and they're rooting for us and they're constantly right by our sides if we allow them to be there.

[159] Yeah.

[160] Sometimes it's still very hard for me to grab and wrap my head around the concept of death is the final destination.

[161] Even though I've experienced it a couple of times, it's still challenging and it just sucks.

[162] I mean, there is no other way to say it.

[163] But, you know, for those of us who are left behind on the planet, it's harder on us than it is on them passing over.

[164] Right.

[165] So, yeah, it's a challenging time.

[166] It's a stressful time.

[167] And you have to learn how to care for yourself during that stressful time.

[168] What are some of the things that you have done so far that you find beneficial that have been helping you through your grieving process?

[169] I think the big thing is I was cocooning is what one of my friends said to me. She said, you know, you've been cocooning a long time.

[170] It's time to come out of it.

[171] Yeah.

[172] That helped a lot.

[173] I can go both ways of being an extrovert and an introvert.

[174] I'm one of those odd people who.

[175] have that pendulum swing.

[176] I'm not one or the other.

[177] Right.

[178] And I think staying within my world and taking care of me was very important.

[179] And I would find things to soothe me. Taking baths was wonderful.

[180] Keeping a heating pad on my low back for support really felt comfortable for me and comforting for me. I would write and journal.

[181] which was a big thing for me as well.

[182] Yeah.

[183] Eating the foods that I liked because I also found that I was not eating a whole lot.

[184] So I made sure that I was eating at least the foods that I liked.

[185] Yeah.

[186] I'm very particular about my diet to begin with, but when I'm stressed, I have no appetite and that could go on for days.

[187] So it's important that I drink the fluids, flush the system, have something healthy within my body for sure.

[188] And then I started coming out of it.

[189] A friend was texting me and I said, I can't talk in the phone.

[190] I just can't.

[191] I'm not there yet.

[192] And she would just keep up the texting.

[193] And then eventually it got to the point where, okay, I'm good now.

[194] I can go ahead and come out of the cocoon.

[195] You know, there's a whole world of people out here if you just look for it.

[196] Yeah.

[197] You've got to take the step yourself.

[198] You have to put yourself out there in order to receive back.

[199] Don't expect people to constantly knock on the door.

[200] And I think what always just fascinates me so much is my world came to a jolt and a stop, whether it was my late husband or my dog.

[201] Yeah.

[202] And I don't know if people really understand how challenging it is that they need the support.

[203] They think, okay, fine.

[204] I gave you the words.

[205] I supported you for a while.

[206] And then everybody kind of goes away.

[207] And I think this is the biggest complaint when I talk to others who've been grieving.

[208] Whether it's a person or an animal, people just seem to disappear in your life.

[209] It's true.

[210] And being a single woman, boy, you really have the kibosh put on you because you're a third wheel.

[211] Right.

[212] And that's a big one to overcome.

[213] Yeah, that truly is.

[214] I have a group of friends that I meet on Friday nights.

[215] But let me and I'm basically the only.

[216] Yeah.

[217] I'm the only single woman there and everybody else is coupled up.

[218] Yeah.

[219] That took about a year, year and a half to feel comfortable walking in as that single woman, knowing everybody had someone and it's, it still comes up as being a single person.

[220] Yeah.

[221] So we have to face what's coming up.

[222] What do I need to look at?

[223] What do I need to learn in order to move through it?

[224] I don't want to get over it.

[225] I want to release it and then I want to move on because I want to clear all this garbage that I got shoved in here from childhood on.

[226] You know, they're all just little impressions we picked up along the way from our parents, from our friends, from TV.

[227] Now it's social media.

[228] You're not dressed right.

[229] You're not the right way.

[230] You don't look right.

[231] You got to go for this plastic surgery.

[232] It's amazing what we've done to ourselves.

[233] And I mean, I'm looking back 50 years to high school.

[234] We didn't care about any of the stuff that these guys are going through.

[235] No, none of it.

[236] And I got news for you, Stacey.

[237] I went to high school with some very big families in Kansas City area.

[238] Had no idea the families had money.

[239] I didn't care.

[240] Nobody cared.

[241] Right.

[242] We all were just there to have fun.

[243] Yeah.

[244] It's a very different time.

[245] And I think a whole lot more gets shoved inside that you've got to learn how to deal with.

[246] Right.

[247] I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on the materialistic things.

[248] And, you know, it's not about that.

[249] It's about what's inside your heart.

[250] You know, it doesn't matter how many people, how many even like actors and actresses have committed suicide because they didn't know how to deal with the fame.

[251] They used drugs as a coping mechanism and they ended up ODing, you know, throughout the entire years because that fame was put on them.

[252] They didn't know how to handle it.

[253] Because they were just people like us.

[254] And, you know, it's not a realistic world when you think about that stuff.

[255] You know, it's really about just, like we said, when we were young, we didn't look at how much money certain people in the area had.

[256] We just looked at each other and we had fun.

[257] And that's what it was all about.

[258] There was no, you know, comparing and whatnot.

[259] And it was it was great.

[260] You know, you could go to school, you could put your hair in a bun, you know, and people didn't weren't so judgmental, you know, and it was just life has definitely changed.

[261] But I don't know if it's really good.

[262] You know, I think really we have to really work on on like you said, all those inner feelings.

[263] You know, those are the things that will help us get through life and be happy and experience joy is that we really need to.

[264] dig deep down and really deal with those emotions that are so repressed inside us.

[265] Right.

[266] And nobody teaches you how to deal with grief.

[267] You got to figure that out while you're going through it.

[268] Yes.

[269] There's, there's not a class at school or friendship group.

[270] And they always say it's the one club you don't want to join.

[271] And let me tell you, it's the one club you really don't want to join.

[272] Yeah.

[273] When I was 60 years old.

[274] I mean, I was, wow, really?

[275] I never.

[276] thought that would happen to me at 60.

[277] Not at all.

[278] No. And then it's funny because you said one thing about, you know, going to school and the impressions and everything.

[279] Back then in grade school, I was wearing stripes and plaids and polka dots and stripes.

[280] I didn't care, but my mom did.

[281] Yeah.

[282] My mom cared.

[283] So I had to learn how to cut back on that just because that was her issue, not mine.

[284] When I look at styles now, I was ahead of my time.

[285] You were.

[286] I was already putting crazy things together, all different sorts of patterns put together.

[287] And I loved it.

[288] Yeah.

[289] And that's what I've gotten myself back to as well.

[290] You know, people that I hang around with on Friday nights, they make fun of my headbands.

[291] that I wear because I'm starting to be known for my headbands.

[292] And they said to me, why are you wearing a crown?

[293] It's a headband.

[294] Because I'm an empress.

[295] What do you want from me?

[296] I have to look at life in a positive light and be joyful that I am here.

[297] Yes.

[298] You know, sure.

[299] I've got down moments.

[300] I've got upset moments.

[301] I've got moments of happiness.

[302] I think I'd rather have more moments of happiness.

[303] But sadly, as humans, we could count more moments of sadness than we can happiness.

[304] Yes.

[305] Which really we have to look at.

[306] That's not healthy at all.

[307] No, but for some reason, as humans, we always tend to look at the negative more than we do the positive.

[308] And that's what pulls people down is that we are a society that thrives on negativity for whatever reason.

[309] That's why TV news and lots of shows have negative things in them because that's what draws the ratings up.

[310] Because we as a society love negativity because I think it boils down to not just being happy with yourself.

[311] So when you're not happy with yourself and you see others suffering.

[312] It makes you feel better because, hey, I'm not the only one suffering.

[313] And this makes me feel better because this show has it.

[314] That person has it worse than I do.

[315] And then that person feels better.

[316] That's right.

[317] I think you're absolutely right.

[318] And I think it's all about the ratings.

[319] And I was listening to the news the other day and they used a word I wish I could remember.

[320] And the word to describe what they were going through.

[321] Well, not once did that person ever use that word that they said of how they're feeling.

[322] And I thought, wow, you just took something and ran with it and gave it this explosive word for people to listen to.

[323] But yet that person wasn't feeling that whatsoever.

[324] Right.

[325] It's just nuts what news does to us right now.

[326] It truly is.

[327] It is.

[328] A lot of people can't even listen to it anymore.

[329] I hear a lot of people say they don't even want to listen to the news anymore because it's too depressing.

[330] Yeah.

[331] Yeah, absolutely.

[332] Totally agree.

[333] Now I want to just take a couple steps back.

[334] You had mentioned about.

[335] the loneliness part.

[336] You had mentioned about losing your husband and then the dog is sick and then you just lost a chihuahua.

[337] And it's funny because my, and you, and you also mentioned about how people were coming around in the beginning and then they slowly drifted away.

[338] And that was the same thing that my grandmother talked about when she lost her husband.

[339] She said that in the, in the beginning, everybody was calling her.

[340] People were coming over and then slowly everybody got back involved in their own lives.

[341] And then she didn't hear from people and that upset her.

[342] And then she was, you know, reminded by her children, well, they have their own lives and, you know, they have responsibilities.

[343] So you can't, you know, get upset over that because you have to realize everybody has their own life.

[344] But she was upset because now she was in this house with four walls and she was by herself.

[345] And she didn't know how to deal with the loneliness because she always had her husband by her side.

[346] And, you know, and then she had her dogs and then her dogs were starting to, their health was starting to dwindle.

[347] And the fear of just being by herself alone was devastating for her.

[348] And I know that you feel the same way.

[349] How did you deal and how are you dealing now with the sense of feeling lonely?

[350] Because one, Gino's not in your life right now physically.

[351] Spiritually he is, but physically he's not in the house with you.

[352] Spiritually he is, but you can't reach out and touch him or hear his voice.

[353] And now you see that you lost one dog, the other dog is dwindling, and the fear of being...

[354] having nobody in the house.

[355] These are really, these are really powerful things that are happening in your life.

[356] And, you know, some people may not understand, but this is, you're going through a lot now.

[357] And how are you learning how to cope with this?

[358] Because, you know, this is a lot for you to handle.

[359] It's a lot.

[360] With Gino, after a while, I just realized.

[361] I had to put one foot in the front of the other and thank God I've got the business to carry on.

[362] And I would go to the office and I would be around people.

[363] And that helped a lot.

[364] I noticed at first my days were very short because I couldn't take all that time about being around people.

[365] Yeah.

[366] And then I would notice my days were getting longer and longer.

[367] You know, people also look at you differently when somebody has died in your life.

[368] They don't know what to say.

[369] So they just avoid you altogether, which I find fascinating.

[370] Yeah.

[371] Because the only thing you really have to say is I'm thinking about you.

[372] Yeah.

[373] It's really simple.

[374] And then knowing that my other dog is not going to make it maybe.

[375] a month or two longer.

[376] I can't even start processing what it's going to be like here because she sleeps by me. I'm constantly caring for her 24 feels like 24 hours all day long.

[377] Cause last night it was all night long.

[378] She's got her days and nights backwards now, like a newborn.

[379] Right.

[380] It's a, it's a new way of learning how to live.

[381] And I'm going to have to really figure out learning how to live life truly as that quote unquote single person.

[382] I'm going to learn how to care for myself during this time.

[383] So when that happens, I'll let you know what it looks like because it's going to be a whole new path for me to walk down.

[384] That's for sure.

[385] Yeah, absolutely.

[386] I was raised a caregiver.

[387] Some people are going to laugh.

[388] When I tell them that, they're going to go, not you.

[389] But I am.

[390] I like to make sure that people are OK.

[391] I. I may come across as really a hard person, but on the inside, there's such a softness and warmth to me. I care about how people are doing in my life.

[392] I truly care.

[393] Yeah.

[394] And those who.

[395] who really know me get to experience that.

[396] I don't open it up for everybody.

[397] I've never been that type of person.

[398] Yeah.

[399] To open myself up completely because I don't want 15 ,000 different people telling me how to live my life.

[400] Yeah.

[401] I'm not one of those.

[402] Yes.

[403] Which is why I think I probably cocoon so much is I go within and I find the answers within.

[404] Right.

[405] I think that's the best way to do it because only you know what's best for yourself.

[406] I think the problem occurs is when we start asking too many people for advice, it gets overwhelming because everybody's going to tell you what they would do from their own perspective, but they're not you.

[407] They don't.

[408] like you.

[409] They don't feel like you.

[410] They don't react like you.

[411] So they're not going to do things the way you do.

[412] So when you start asking for all this different advice, the more advice you get, the more confusion it gets and you lose track of what you really need.

[413] That answer is always within us.

[414] That's right.

[415] Absolutely.

[416] I learned that lesson when I divorced my first husband and came home with my son to Kansas City.

[417] He was tiny, had this great group of girlfriends and You can't ask for advice because they don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

[418] Nobody does.

[419] Right.

[420] We could all sort of guess and they must have this fabulous life or boy, so sorry for them.

[421] You know.

[422] Nobody knows.

[423] Nobody knows.

[424] It's true.

[425] I've always been that one to go within and keep it to myself.

[426] Yeah.

[427] I think, you know, they always say like the gut.

[428] the heart and the mind, you know, those are your three brains and that's what you have to really go with are those three things.

[429] Yeah, I completely agree.

[430] Absolutely.

[431] And then they have to line up.

[432] Yes.

[433] They can't be fighting with each other because once they start fighting, oh, you're, you're in trouble.

[434] You won't be able to figure out what you're doing at all.

[435] Right.

[436] Your head's going to go one way and your heart.

[437] which I think is connected to the gut are going to go another way.

[438] And then you're so confused.

[439] You don't know what to do and you make situations worse.

[440] Right.

[441] I think at that point you just have to sit back and take a deep breath and just let it go at that point and say, okay, fine.

[442] Just show me what I need to know.

[443] Where do I need to be?

[444] What do I need to do?

[445] And be okay with it.

[446] Yeah.

[447] Because we love to control everything as humans.

[448] Oh my goodness.

[449] Are we a bunch of control freaks?

[450] Oh yeah.

[451] We control the outside world so we can feel good inside.

[452] Yeah.

[453] That's not how it works.

[454] Right.

[455] Because the only thing you can control is yourself.

[456] Exactly.

[457] And how you respond to everything and how you are as a person.

[458] And that's the only thing you got to be responsible for.

[459] Right.

[460] A hundred percent.

[461] A hundred percent.

[462] Now, what are some of the things that you do personally to help you each day?

[463] Do you have a certain ritual that you do that helps you get through each day to help you, you know, maybe either get you through the day or maybe help you feel stronger or connect better with yourself so you start to really get yourself on a path of wellness?

[464] Well, I walk every morning and I listen to a podcast.

[465] I have a couple of different people who are spiritual gurus.

[466] And that really sets the tone for my day.

[467] Absolutely love it.

[468] And I love to, even though I work from home, I love to get dressed.

[469] I grew up in menswear.

[470] So I love getting dressed.

[471] I think it's important that I feel great.

[472] Then I know, you know, if I look good, then I feel good.

[473] Right.

[474] And if I'm not really feeling good, it's even more important.

[475] to really make sure that I pump up the dressing so I could feel good.

[476] He'd do it for me. I didn't do it for anybody else.

[477] And I think my late husband was right.

[478] He said, women always do it to impress other women.

[479] Yes.

[480] Oh, horrible.

[481] That's a horrible thought to have.

[482] Yeah.

[483] I do it for me. I don't care what anybody else thinks.

[484] I mean, I've been known to meet my friends on Friday night with crazy hats, bands that go way up.

[485] And it's me. Yeah.

[486] You know, that's that's what I like to do for me. I love it.

[487] I love it.

[488] I would be, you know, a lot of times I would be made fun of from friends because I have a certain way of dressing that I like to do.

[489] I'm a very sparkly person.

[490] I like glitter.

[491] You know, and, you know, I would go and buy clothes at certain places where, you know, the designers are very unique and you're not going to see it anywhere else.

[492] And, you know, so sometimes I would get made fun of it.

[493] And sometimes people would just come over and say, where did you get that?

[494] You know, because they just were so stunned by it.

[495] You know, I'd walk around with a pocketbook that looked like a telephone and it rang because it connected with your Wi -Fi.

[496] And, you know, that was like, forget about it.

[497] I can't tell you how many people stopped me just for that.

[498] telephone pocketbook, but you know, it made me feel good.

[499] I felt good.

[500] I liked who I am and I, you know, and it didn't matter what others thought, you know, and that's what matters is what you think, what makes you happy.

[501] That's what we really have to, we have to stop worrying about what others think and really start thinking about what we think and what makes us happy and what brings joy to our lives.

[502] Absolutely.

[503] Amen to that.

[504] And you did something that brought you such joy and happiness.

[505] And then you think it's kind of, oh my God, there's a bit in you.

[506] I know there is that things, oh, what are people going to say?

[507] But I'm doing it anyway.

[508] Look at all the people who surrounded you with love and where'd you get it?

[509] And then that great.

[510] And they start talking to you.

[511] And that's what it's about.

[512] Being true to yourself.

[513] That person really shines.

[514] Yeah.

[515] That's what's neat.

[516] Oh, 100%.

[517] Now, if we had to take today's conversation, you wanted to emphasize on a couple of important things.

[518] What would be some of the things that you'd really like to focus and really express to the listeners today?

[519] I think it's really important to find out who you are.

[520] And the only way to do that is spend time with yourself.

[521] And it truly is a gift to be able to spend time with yourself.

[522] I think it's also important that you take care of yourself in all aspects of life, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

[523] You don't understand how important you are until you lose your health.

[524] Yes.

[525] Then you start realizing how important you are.

[526] A hundred percent.

[527] I want people to get there before they lose their health to whatever incident and start taking care of themselves.

[528] I love it.

[529] That's so true.

[530] So true.

[531] Very good advice.

[532] Now, can you tell people about the services that you provide?

[533] Because I think what you do is so wonderful and so many women really need what you provide.

[534] So can you share with everybody the services you provide?

[535] Sure.

[536] At Soto Peli, which is Italian for under the skin, we provide hormone replacement therapy utilizing a pellet that's been around since 1939.

[537] To assist you in feeling like your old self, because physiologically it puts you back in your thirties.

[538] Yeah.

[539] You can find us at SotopelliTherapy, S -O -T -T -O -P as in Peter, E -L -L -E, therapy .com.

[540] And you'll be able to find a physician in your area if you go to find a doctor.

[541] I love it.

[542] Now, if people wanted to contact you, can they contact you on the social media?

[543] Maybe if they want to shoot you a question about grief or they could maybe leave, they'll leave it in the comment box.

[544] But if they wanted to like maybe direct message you, can they go on any of the social media?

[545] Oh, sure.

[546] We're on Instagram and Facebook.

[547] All the, I think we have a Twitter and a TikTok account.

[548] I'm not really sure.

[549] I don't run all of it.

[550] But yeah, Soda Peli therapy is there on everything and happy to discuss anything with direct messages.

[551] Not a problem.

[552] Oh, I love it.

[553] Carol Ann, this has been wonderful.

[554] Thank you so much for coming on the show today.

[555] I just so appreciate you.

[556] And you are such a beautiful woman inside and out and a very strong woman.

[557] You've gone through a lot.

[558] And, you know, you're very resilient.

[559] You have not, you know, as many times as we get knocked down, you know, you get right back up.

[560] And that's the important thing.

[561] And, you know, and we learn from the things that happen in our life.

[562] And we make the best.

[563] of it you know we take what we learn and we move forward and we do the best we can as as humans and the best thing that i love about you is that you're taking everything you've gone through in life and and you've learned you're learning to learn how to overcome these things but you're also giving back and you're sharing the things that have worked the things that are helping you to help others that are going through similar situations and i find that very special and very rewarding and i really want to commend you for doing that.

[564] Thank you.

[565] Thank you.

[566] It's my pleasure.

[567] That helping people.

[568] Yeah.

[569] Yeah.

[570] You know, not everybody is like that.

[571] Not everybody wants to share.

[572] Not everybody has, you know, it's hard for a lot of people to share and especially the topic that you talk about and, you know, but you're, you're out there, you're sharing, you're, you're providing great advice and you're using your experiences to help others so they could relate to you and then follow through with some of the advice you give.

[573] So I really commend you.

[574] And I really thank you so much.

[575] Thank you.

[576] You have a great day, Caroline.

[577] You too.