Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Hello, my name is Natasha Leone, and I'm a totally normal person.
[1] And I feel blank about being Conan O 'Brien's friends.
[2] So do I. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we aren't going to be friends.
[3] I can tell that we are going to be friends.
[4] Hey there.
[5] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by my cohorts, Sonam Obsessian.
[6] Hey, Sona.
[7] Hi.
[8] And Matt Goreley.
[9] Hi.
[10] Matt, I think full disclosure is important.
[11] Matt has a very young daughter.
[12] And you got no sleep last night.
[13] And I just think it's good for the listeners to know what you're going through in real time.
[14] What time were you awakened?
[15] 1245.
[16] Okay.
[17] A .m. And was it a screaming, crying thing?
[18] It was, mommy, I'm ready to go in the living room.
[19] Oh.
[20] Oh, my God.
[21] So fully ready to go.
[22] And she had like a double shot latte just before bed.
[23] What was there a reason why she woke up that?
[24] Thought we'd put the heater on, but we put the air conditioner on.
[25] And whatever the story was, Amanda and Glenn went out to the living room and slept there.
[26] And then I did not fall back asleep at all.
[27] I was just up the entire.
[28] I have not slept since.
[29] And so I come to you.
[30] what I am.
[31] Oh boy.
[32] Yeah, which is a weird sentence.
[33] I've come to you what I mean, that sentence in and of itself is proof that you shouldn't be operating machinery, let alone co -hosting a podcast.
[34] Not heavy machinery, not even light machinery like this.
[35] Oh my God.
[36] I am what be I. Yeah, I remember neither of our children were great sleepers.
[37] And it kicks in later on and now at their teenagers, you can throw stones at them while they're sleeping and they won't get up.
[38] And I often do because it's funny.
[39] I remember when my daughter was really young and she was in that phase where you know those little lights that you put in a room, you see them.
[40] I mean, now they're in households.
[41] They're everywhere.
[42] But if you enter the room, the light just goes on.
[43] It's a motion detector.
[44] I remember realizing, oh, our daughter is a motion detector.
[45] So she could be fast asleep.
[46] And if you just put your pinky in the room, in a dark room where she was and held it up in the air, she would be up and go, We play now!
[47] You know, and it was time to go.
[48] Rock and roll.
[49] Not going back to sleep for six hours.
[50] Oh, boy.
[51] Yeah, it was just incredible.
[52] But your, now your kids pass out?
[53] No. One of them, Mikey can sleep through anything.
[54] Charlie, and now they were, like, climbing out of their cribs, like, like, stealth ninjas.
[55] So I wouldn't know they were up until I, like, looked when I, I just opened my eyes and one's face is right next to me. What if you found out later they were jewel thieves?
[56] They could be.
[57] And there was a rash of...
[58] They could be.
[59] And then you'd wake up in the morning and it was just incredible rubies, necklaces in their cribs.
[60] And you kind of kept it quiet.
[61] Yeah.
[62] I mean, it's also...
[63] I don't know if stealing is genetic, but if it is, they got the gene for me. Well, you are wearing a ton of jewelry today.
[64] You are wearing a lot of jewelry today.
[65] What is going on?
[66] My children steal them for me. I've trained them.
[67] I just see them with little suction cups.
[68] They've got the thing that Tom Cruise has where you're lowered on wire.
[69] Yeah.
[70] And you go right down to the box.
[71] They climb over baby gates now.
[72] The baby gates can't even hold them anymore.
[73] Like nothing baby -proofing.
[74] Did they brag when you come into the house with something?
[75] They're like, that will not hold us.
[76] We cannot be held by any man -made barrier.
[77] Why do they have that accent?
[78] I don't know.
[79] They've been listening to a, they have babble.
[80] Free plug for babble, by the way.
[81] They're not paying us any money.
[82] I just love that they've been listening to a lot of babble at night.
[83] And then you come in, Hello, Mother!
[84] Where's Potter?
[85] In the night we purloin some precious jewelry from the local museum.
[86] We do hope you enjoy.
[87] Well, I'm sorry you didn't get...
[88] Look at him.
[89] He's resting his chin.
[90] You're resting your chin on the microphone to sleep.
[91] I can't be good for the sound.
[92] Are you any good at taking a nap?
[93] No. I...
[94] No. No, I'm a horrible sleeper as it is, so with...
[95] You always were?
[96] You know what that is?
[97] Your conscience.
[98] Oh.
[99] What do you mean?
[100] Yeah, wait.
[101] What do you mean?
[102] I think you've committed horrible crimes.
[103] Oh, but can you sleep?
[104] Like a baby.
[105] No, that can't be.
[106] Oh, he's a sociopath, though.
[107] His conscience keeps you up.
[108] No, sociopath.
[109] Okay.
[110] That makes sense.
[111] That checks out.
[112] Oh, yeah.
[113] There's a frame a story in our family lore when we were kids and a bat got loose in the house.
[114] What?
[115] Yeah, a bat came into the house because, you know, we live in, in, suburban Boston in a cave.
[116] My father, my father fought crime to avenge the death of his parents.
[117] Just knowing your dad.
[118] Yeah, my dad pretended to be an academic medicine.
[119] And he'd go like, yes, yes, I'm a, I think I'm going to go to the lab and just work on this, this new strain of a, this new strain of, this bacteria is rather concerning.
[120] It's shown up in Australia.
[121] He's going to go to the lab and just check it out.
[122] And then he...
[123] I love all that Batman has six kids.
[124] Batman has six kids.
[125] Anyway.
[126] Does his persona change when he goes to...
[127] Oh yeah, he goes down the bat pole.
[128] And then he's Batman.
[129] And he's suddenly like kicking ass.
[130] Then he comes back home again.
[131] He sounds like I think I'll have a little soup, a little V8 juice.
[132] Does he have a lab coat on over his bat suit?
[133] Yeah, he sometimes forget.
[134] Sometimes he's fighting crime in the lab coat.
[135] he forgot and people are like what the fight he's like oh god damn it quick temper uh irish temper god damn it jesus christ um but yeah my father fought crime anyway a bat got into the house in the summer and they everyone on the house woke up and was chasing it and i used to share a room with my at the time i think i was just sharing it with my brother luke i used to share it with luke and but i was just sharing it with luke then and they everyone in the family came was chasing the bat and they all chased it into the room where I was asleep.
[136] Luke was awake chasing it.
[137] My father used to always try and capture them because he wanted to get them to the lab to study if they had rabies or not.
[138] And to avenge the murder of his parents in Daly in Gotham City.
[139] Anyway, but everyone's jumping from bed to bed and I'm on the bed fast asleep.
[140] I mean, people were jumping on the bed screaming bat bat, bat.
[141] I'm out the whole time.
[142] And then in the morning I wake up like, and everybody said, I can't, wasn't that crazy last night?
[143] And I said, what?
[144] What was crazy?
[145] I'm so jealous.
[146] I haven't slept through the night since I was probably 18.
[147] But what do you do when you wake up?
[148] I don't do anything.
[149] I don't look on my phone.
[150] I try to keep it real.
[151] I'm so.
[152] You try to keep it real, huh?
[153] I'm so sorry.
[154] You try to keep it real.
[155] Well, yeah, he's from the street.
[156] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[157] Oh, Maddie Gourles.
[158] Matty Gourles, keeping it real.
[159] Oh, my God.
[160] Keeping it real.
[161] I love that checking your phone means you're not keeping it real.
[162] That means no one on earth.
[163] he's keeping it real I'm so tired I'm sorry I feel I feel for him I know wait now it's gone it was just momentary it was a weird wrap it up so I can go yeah okay we're gonna let you go home so you cannot sleep there have you ever tried is there anything it might help you go to sleep I've tried everything I can think of everything there is you should try listening to this podcast oh I should mention I do fall asleep when I'm editing every time.
[164] And it's the best sleep you've ever had.
[165] Oh, man. All right, you knuckleheads.
[166] I never get to say that much.
[167] Okay, you knuckleheads, piped.
[168] And sometimes I do it when you're not even, you're not even saying much.
[169] No, we're not.
[170] Quiet, you knuckleheads.
[171] Pipe down.
[172] My guest today, co -created and starred in the hit Netflix series Russian doll.
[173] You can also see her in the Peacock series, Pokerface.
[174] I love that show.
[175] And recently, she directed the critically acclaimed comedy special show, Jacqueline Novak, Get On Your Knees, which is available to stream on Netflix.
[176] Very excited.
[177] She's here today.
[178] Natasha Leon, welcome.
[179] Natasha, I was really excited about you being here because you've been on the show a bunch of times and every time I talk to you, I'm deliriously happy because you are you were a singularity.
[180] You were unlike anybody else that I speak to.
[181] You're such an original speaker of speaking and speeches and speech of fine.
[182] But you are not.
[183] No, no. I was Obama's speechwriter.
[184] That's why most of his speeches about the Affordable Care Act started out like, Now listen to me. Yeah.
[185] Now listen up, country.
[186] Emphasis on the cunt, I said it.
[187] I thought you wrote his best speeches.
[188] Thank you.
[189] You know, a lot of people, I don't get a lot of credit for that.
[190] And so I really appreciate you bringing up.
[191] A lot of people just think of me as like, I don't know, whatever.
[192] Kept in Bruno Kirby or some shit.
[193] And I'm like, honey, I'm fucking, I wrote Obama's most iconic speech.
[194] You did.
[195] You are such a great speechwriter for Obama, but also you fell through a black hole.
[196] You come from another time.
[197] You are, what would you call yourself, a ragamuffin?
[198] Yeah, well, I do appreciate that instead of saying singular, you actually called me the singularity.
[199] Yes, you are the singularity.
[200] our first test subject.
[201] And, you know, what's wild is people thought that Ray Kurzweil was a kook.
[202] You know what I mean?
[203] Sure.
[204] They thought he was some sort of a wakadoodle.
[205] I think it's because he did talk about the singularity.
[206] But then the back half of the documentary really ends with discovering that the reason he wants this sort of life extension singularity is so he can resurrect his dead father and bring him back from the dead, which kind of undid, I think.
[207] his theories because it seems like you know he was just some sort of a character out of young Frankenstein but yes that's actually how I think of myself is the final merging of technology and humanity that was some run that was an incredible speech you just gave better than anything you wrote for Obama yeah thanks that was well because I like to take people on a loop de loo where is this going and then I slide into no place You know what I mean?
[208] Into just no plate.
[209] That wasn't just a roller coaster.
[210] That was a Coney Island roller coaster made of wood.
[211] It has a little bit of give to it.
[212] Have you been on that roller coaster?
[213] Oh, fuck yeah.
[214] I've swam in that water.
[215] I don't know if she was in it.
[216] I was on that roller coaster once and it gives.
[217] You feel it give on the corners.
[218] It's made of like old pine.
[219] And that's a roller coaster is not something I want to be vintage.
[220] I also don't want my eye operation to be vintage.
[221] Did you do get LASIC?
[222] No, I didn't.
[223] But I'm just saying, if I were to have my eye operated on, I wouldn't want to go all retro and cool.
[224] You know, like, give me the instruments from 1885, just because I want to be all steampunk.
[225] Yeah, I don't want that.
[226] I don't want that.
[227] Well, I won't do it then.
[228] I don't look, honestly, it's fine.
[229] You can just do it.
[230] I'm being too uptight, and I can tell.
[231] And you look, you look bummed out.
[232] No, that's just my face.
[233] It is.
[234] Yeah, I'm kind of just, that's my neutral face is slightly depressed.
[235] I am.
[236] And maybe I am thinking a lot about how briefly I am on this planet and how soon I'll be moldering in my tomb.
[237] Those things come to mind a lot.
[238] Yeah, not afraid Kurtzwell has his way with you.
[239] This motherfucker is going to bring you right back.
[240] Wait, what is the name of this documentary?
[241] Transcendental man, maybe, but I'm just pulling from the ether.
[242] Okay.
[243] We got Eduardo's on it right now.
[244] Or he's buying something on Amazon.
[245] It's one of the other.
[246] He's buying another messy jersey.
[247] Transcendent man. Transcendent man. Well, close enough.
[248] But listen, so you're basically just, you know, a baby genius, and that's not your problem, right?
[249] So are you depressed?
[250] Are you existential?
[251] Are you just like thinking thoughts?
[252] I'm just thinking thoughts?
[253] Sounds to me like you might be thinking thoughts.
[254] I'm just thinking thoughts.
[255] Yeah.
[256] And thoughts drive emotions.
[257] Ask any, yeah, they do.
[258] And feelings aren't facts.
[259] Exactly.
[260] And now we've done our service here today.
[261] Now we're okay.
[262] Goodbye, everybody.
[263] Guys, you're welcome.
[264] We fixed it.
[265] This is the shortest podcast we've ever done.
[266] And I ran into you recently at an event for someone we both know who passed away.
[267] Yes, sir.
[268] We were chatting and I was telling you, every time I see you in something, I'm happy because I am a big fan of yours and your work and your persona and poker face.
[269] I just absolutely love.
[270] I love that show.
[271] It was bringing back a type of show that I grew up watching as a kid, is kind of serialized person on the move, you know, who's getting involved in things against her will.
[272] and solving them and you're, I don't know, I just, I love that show, absolutely love that show and I was really happy that you made it, I know that you've been deeply involved in it, you're not just acting in it, but you're wearing a lot of hats on that show.
[273] What's the humble thing to say?
[274] Well, much like Charlie Chaplin.
[275] Like Einstein, you tried something and it worked out.
[276] You know what I mean?
[277] Like, so Ryan Johnson and I are like these, you know, we see that one photograph of Einstein's, Einstein and Charlie Chaplin, just looking loose by the beach on the rock.
[278] No one's ever seen that photo?
[279] You couldn't Google that, too.
[280] Yeah, I've seen that photo.
[281] You know that photo.
[282] That's a great photo.
[283] So, you know, we're in there.
[284] Yeah, yeah.
[285] If they took a photo of you and me hanging out at the beach, it would be like Chaplin and Einstein.
[286] It would, it would, but different, you know what I mean?
[287] Not different at all.
[288] Baby, we're redheads.
[289] So we got it like that.
[290] We're either your thing or definitely not.
[291] Oh, there it is.
[292] There they are hanging out on our...
[293] Exactly.
[294] We're Googling everything you say.
[295] Yeah, so, and so far so good, right?
[296] A nut job still got it.
[297] Also, I think Ryan, thanks.
[298] I think Ryan is Einstein.
[299] Yeah, yeah, because he can do a Saturday crossword.
[300] Although I did have to help him on Friday.
[301] I had to help him with a Friday puzzle while we sat and watched the AFI Awards.
[302] And he was very proud.
[303] because his name was in the puzzle, director of Knives Out, last name Johnson, Blank Johnson.
[304] I did that one.
[305] Yeah.
[306] So he got that clue and many others.
[307] So he got himself.
[308] Yeah.
[309] And I was like, I'm proud of you, but like, yeah, Einstein, usually you get this Saturday and like eight minutes, what's going on?
[310] Craig Mason was right across from us, so I made sure to shame Ryan to Craig because that's very slow time for him.
[311] And then, yeah, and then I, so that's why I, I think he's Einstein, because he can generally, under normal conditions, do a Saturday in like eight minutes.
[312] I can't believe.
[313] And I can't.
[314] I can only do it up to a Thursday and then again a Sunday.
[315] Friday and Saturday, I don't even try.
[316] You are a...
[317] So that's why I know I'm a Charlie Chaplin.
[318] I'm a regular.
[319] I do every single Times crossword puzzle.
[320] Yes.
[321] Monday I find insulting.
[322] Like, I'm just like, what is this?
[323] You know, not a dog, but a C -A -T, you know, cat.
[324] And so Monday, I'm, I just think I'm the smartest man in the world.
[325] Tuesday, sometimes there's a struggle for a moment or two, and I become panicked that I'm an idiot.
[326] And then, but then you get into it.
[327] And I have to say, once you get into Friday, Saturday, I don't know if anyone could do Saturday in eight minutes.
[328] I don't think that's possible.
[329] I think Mays and can.
[330] And I bet you, Lord of Miller can.
[331] I'm just thinking about people, you know, that I've puzzled with.
[332] And I'm not name -dropping.
[333] I'm puzzle dropping right now.
[334] It's the nerdiest thing you can do is puzzle drop.
[335] Yeah, I'm fucking puzzle dropping like a motherfucker.
[336] I, uh, so I'm out on a yacht with, uh, with Will's shorts.
[337] Yeah.
[338] And, uh, the New York Times, uh, crosser puzzle editor.
[339] It's funny you bring up Will because, uh, he was so nice to me, uh, when I co -constructed a puzzle for the times, um, with Deb Amblin.
[340] And it's, uh, it's not a big deal, Conan.
[341] And it's just like, yeah, I built the fucking puzzle and Will Shorts, well, you know, Want me a nice note about it.
[342] Hey, let me ask you how that works.
[343] It's kind of a big fan of mine, so, you know what I mean?
[344] That's fine.
[345] I appreciate that you went to Harvard, and I dropped out of NYU, like, six times at a tish.
[346] Wait, why did you drop out six times?
[347] Once you drop out, aren't you out?
[348] Nah, it's just I kept trying to negotiate, like, a scholarship with the dean of admissions.
[349] And because I was like, I'm 15, you know what I mean?
[350] Like, what the fuck you want for me?
[351] I don't have that's my money You don't get my money And so You're going to college at 15 Yeah And you're negotiating Your own scholarship Or trying to Or trying to And I think Yeah bugsy Malone Yeah Did you have a little cigarette Or a little cigar Yeah of course I always have a little cigarette Thanks so much For bringing it up Because now I feel like it's an open table For my real life's desires I still do carry a lighter On a lighter leash But I quit smoking But, yeah, I was trying to smoke in the dean's office.
[352] So, yeah.
[353] But you're Harvard and you ran the lampoon ship, right?
[354] Yeah, sure, but who cares?
[355] No one cares.
[356] Well, I mean, it's a long time ago now.
[357] Well, not that long ago.
[358] I'm only 42.
[359] Yeah.
[360] And you've delivered on it.
[361] And I recently am 27, which is scary because of the 27 class.
[362] You could go at any time.
[363] Any time.
[364] I feel like you were running your life almost from a very early, age, right?
[365] And this is, this kind of made you.
[366] Would you say that that's what made me?
[367] The fact that you had to be so self -reliant so early, don't you think that that had something to do with?
[368] Yeah, I often worry about my, you know, I have such good friends that they're all such terrific parents.
[369] And, and I worry about the kids, you know what I mean?
[370] Because I, you know, having alcoholic, fucked up, suicidal, mental patient parents.
[371] Right.
[372] is really, really helpful for character development.
[373] And, yeah, your eyes are wide open to the full scope of the human condition at an early age.
[374] So you have a high emotional IQ.
[375] I used to think it meant I should, like, join the CIA or something.
[376] But later in therapy, discovered it was actually just hypervigilance of constantly being, you know, terrified and assessing situations.
[377] So it's not really that I was reading the room so well and could retain clues at random pieces of information.
[378] It's just clocking things.
[379] Right.
[380] Because you kind of have to to survive.
[381] Yeah.
[382] And yes, by like, I think like by six probably, yes, at our friend and we saw each other at Pee's Memorial, at Paul Rubin's Memorial.
[383] Yeah.
[384] I think I did Peeley's Playhouse, six to eight.
[385] You did Peeley's Playhouse when you were a child actor and you did Peewee's playhouse, yeah.
[386] Yeah.
[387] I guess, and I love, love Paul.
[388] But he was like, I remember he was one of the first guys.
[389] He took me to a steak dinner.
[390] I talked about this at the memorial.
[391] When I got out of rehab, he was one of the first people that was like, oh, hey, let me take you out to dinner.
[392] It meant so much to me. We had steaks in the valley someplace.
[393] I was like, wow, I'm really back.
[394] And I guess he had been through so much.
[395] You know, Susan Terrell from Fat City, they used to say that about her, that she would also sort of like collect underdogs, you know what I mean, like, and hold them tight.
[396] There's some people in this town that are really like that, and it's a very special thing.
[397] Because most people are just like, well, hot or not, want to be associated proxy or I don't.
[398] Paul said to me, oh, I was never surprised when I saw all those pictures of you in the gutter or whatever.
[399] You got to remember, I met your mother.
[400] And it was pretty wild Because was she a stage mom then very much Less of a stage mom More of like a stage nut job And I think I honestly I don't I don't have a mind That can recall sufficient force What it was like Exactly But they're not bad people my parents You know it's like they're just Very untreated Like in other words So many things in our modern times whatever this year is, I'll say 2024.
[401] Discussions happen about sort of mental health and kind of whatever, you know, epigenetic footprint, what have you, like people understand that that's a working part of a dynamic of being a person, a high functioning person or recovery or whatever it takes.
[402] So I sort of, well, only because they're dead.
[403] Now I kind of love them.
[404] You know what I mean?
[405] I think we have distance too I mean that's the ultimate distance actually yeah it was such a relief when they died I it's funny that people don't really tether the two but it's like as soon as they died I was like okay now I'll do show business so it's really only like the last decade up to then I was mostly trying to avoid it because I didn't want these kind of like Lindsay Lohan figured parents in my life on page six you know so I was like I'll just stay here in the shadows until they die and kind of work a little bit here and there.
[406] Do you really think you did that because you've worked a lot?
[407] You're starting with Orange is the New Black and you're doing Russian Doll and then poker face.
[408] And it's just like there you've had this unprecedented run of creativity.
[409] Do you really think that that was made possible because your parents died?
[410] I think it's empirical.
[411] You know, it's like PTSD.
[412] And my only diagnosis in a shocking twist because you'd think I was insane in so many other confirmed ways, which I believe I am, I just can't get a diagnosis.
[413] You know, I think they're wrong, but, you know, and you don't really take medication.
[414] I guess you do.
[415] Whatever.
[416] Anyway, yeah, like for me, I experience them as boogeyman, you know what I mean?
[417] And like in my waking life and in my night terror life.
[418] like because they were fucking insane you know and so I had to get like a restraining order from my dad or whatever I remember being really brokenhearted how old were you when you got a restraining order from your dad I well I was older already because like when I was younger it was harder I tried like he would show up at things like I remember Bijou Phillips in the 90s told me like yeah your dad came to set today and it was like a remember that weird James James Brooks move no What's his name?
[419] Jim Tobach me. Anyway, with Mike Tyson in it?
[420] Is it something black and white?
[421] Do you remember this fucking movie?
[422] I vaguely do remember this.
[423] Yeah, from the 90s.
[424] I'm never seen it.
[425] Could you Google that?
[426] Thanks so much.
[427] He's also making you an airline reservation.
[428] Oh, thank you so, so much.
[429] It's really, really important.
[430] Maybe it's called black and white or something.
[431] You said James took?
[432] Well, you struggle with that a while, and I'll stay here.
[433] You're just giving him tasks to keep him busy.
[434] Yeah, I just like to stay.
[435] I just like him to stay.
[436] Where is uranium on the elemental charge?
[437] Yeah.
[438] And, well, anyway, she told me, oh, your dad showed up to set today looking for you.
[439] He just assumed since it was shooting in New York City and Mike Tyson was in the movie that you were in it, too.
[440] It's called black and white.
[441] Oh, it is.
[442] Thanks.
[443] And then, but there was something I could do about that kind of thing then.
[444] Years later, I guess I was probably 30 or something, which is weird because I'm 27 now.
[445] someone who had there was a singularity and then there was a hole in space yeah yeah and so don't ask don't tell if you see something say something yeah definitely yeah and give a hoot don't pollute anyway but it's important these are the truths a lot of truths are coming out here and like don't google it okay uh all right whatever you do um i like the idea of this year just and vigorously a lie about my age and it's definitely on Google.
[446] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[447] But so anyway, then later I was doing this play.
[448] It was like a Mike Lee play.
[449] And I remember I was so excited.
[450] And then I remember I was seeing my dad from across the room.
[451] Like somehow he had found.
[452] And he had done that also with slums of Beverly Hills.
[453] Like, I remember.
[454] Because you were a kid when you did that.
[455] Yeah, I guess I was like 17, 18.
[456] Yeah.
[457] But I remember he, like, showed up to the premiere, but I hadn't seen him in like a decade or something.
[458] And he just showed up.
[459] Yeah, and he was like, hey, Bambo.
[460] And, you know, my dad was a boxing promoter from Brooklyn, which is why I never understand why people want to move there.
[461] I'm like, no, the goal is to get out of Brooklyn.
[462] But, you know, they think it's hip.
[463] It changed a lot.
[464] Well, I did it.
[465] You know what I mean?
[466] I'd argue it's still not in Manhattan.
[467] and so on as a baseline you know geographically speaking has it changed oh I see they got some coffee shops congratulations oh but you're still right so like you mean I can't I mean the one joy in New York is you can fucking come and go as you please there's like there's no claustrophobia commitment Brooklyn is a fucking commitment like you need an Uber a subway a metro car a taxi or a very long walk.
[468] So anyway, then I remember I'm seeing him across from the Mike Leith and just broke my heart, slums of Beverly Hills.
[469] I remember Rosie Perez and Marissa Tomei kind of like consoling me in the bathroom.
[470] It was like three of the thickest accents you'd ever heard.
[471] And they're just like, yo, Natasha, you don't fucking need this shit.
[472] Don't let him fucking bring you down.
[473] Like, you don't got to go through this.
[474] It's like, you know, like, just fucking do whatever you got to do.
[475] But this is your night.
[476] It's fucking your night, you know.
[477] And don't let that motherfucker haunt you.
[478] And so he was fucked up like that.
[479] And my mother was just nuts and nuts.
[480] But they weren't really like bad people.
[481] And anyway, now that they're dead, I feel safe to kind of really be out there.
[482] And I don't care anymore.
[483] You know, it's funny because you had all this success early on and you decided it was reading some interview with you, we said, like, I don't want to be on Dawson's Creek.
[484] I don't want to, I don't want to be on the WB.
[485] That's not what I want.
[486] Yeah.
[487] Which I think, you know, 99 % of people in that situation would have said, how do I get on that kind of reality?
[488] And that's not what you wanted.
[489] No, and yeah, I did not want those things.
[490] Like, and I remember my mother being like, why would you turn down Buffy at such a big show?
[491] And like, when are you going to get a boob job?
[492] So you couldn't work?
[493] And I was like, yeah, I'm just not putting that shit in my tits, ma?
[494] She was like, it would even you out because you got that ass.
[495] I was like, well, thanks.
[496] And, uh, and, uh, but like, I think that.
[497] This is the talk I never had, my parents.
[498] This is the birds and the beast talk, you know?
[499] That's what they told me. No, I was like, yeah, I guess they put me in the business because they wanted to be famous.
[500] It was like a proxy proposition, uh, although no one ever really laid it on the table for me. And around then, I can remember sort of like, almost like going to auditions by myself and Times Square, like, you know, but taxi driver at Times Square.
[501] Not fucking this Disney shit with the fucking bike lanes and whatever the fuck.
[502] I mean, why would you put islands in the middle of the street?
[503] It was like, oh, we wanted to make a cramped space, more cramped.
[504] All right, you fucking rocket scientist.
[505] Jesus Christ.
[506] Like, definitely New York is run by the mob in a beautiful way.
[507] Okay.
[508] Whenever you see construction in New York, there's Mafia, you know, it's not real construction.
[509] You know that, right?
[510] Well, you think I was born yesterday?
[511] I definitely don't.
[512] I have 42 years ago today.
[513] I didn't like that path, that sort of, you know, buffy, boob job fucking famous guy.
[514] I think it's sick when people are into it.
[515] I don't even know this about you, but I just get the sense that you read a lot.
[516] You're crazy intelligent, and you read a lot.
[517] Because I feel like you make a, do you read widely?
[518] Do you read all just different kinds of stuff?
[519] Do you like history?
[520] What is it?
[521] Yeah.
[522] Yeah.
[523] I mean, I don't think I'm that smart with like shapes.
[524] But sometimes I know because I feel like I don't have a high IQ.
[525] But then I do see other people try to like pack up the car.
[526] And then I'm like, or maybe I do have a high IQ because I see them trying to fit sort of like.
[527] a chair into the trunk like clearly the wrong way and I'm like wow I thought I had a low IQ but I'm watching this guy fucking put this chair and he just can't figure out that's not going to close but if you just tilt in it all right and I let him go a while and then you know I help out sort of gently because that's what girls have to do uh and watching a slow motion train and And I said, oh, okay, you thought it there.
[528] All right.
[529] And sure, let me give it a whirl.
[530] I think it's when you were in rehab.
[531] You said you walked around with a giant biography of Rasputon.
[532] Oh, yeah.
[533] And I was thinking, oh, this is my kind of person.
[534] Because I like to read about the darkest, weirdest people.
[535] Rasputin has always fascinated me. And I just thought, that's how my mind works.
[536] I don't want to burst your bubble.
[537] but Rasputin's biography was something that I was carrying around while I was on drugs.
[538] In rehab, it was more like I got very into, I was reading Thomas Pinchin against the day.
[539] I was so excited when it came out because it was like a thousand pages and, you know, there's nothing to do at rehab except, you know, sat on a sofa and they feed you a lot.
[540] And yes, I really associate Rasputon with like a back pocket kind of.
[541] of, you know, New York, 90s, like the scumbag era.
[542] But I remember finding it in my storage space, and I still have the same copy of it.
[543] And I love it.
[544] It's very ragged.
[545] I really put that, that Rasputin through hell.
[546] And it's like, that kind of was his chip.
[547] He's hard to kill, too.
[548] He's famously hard to kill that guy.
[549] That guy.
[550] And I was like, the shit I fucking took him through, though?
[551] My God, you know.
[552] But yeah, I was reading a lot and often and widely and also movies, you know, because the film school was so expensive.
[553] They wanted like 60 grand a semester of some shit.
[554] And I was like, honey, yes, you're nuts.
[555] And so what I did, I bought this studio apartment that was Gramisie adjacent.
[556] I spent my, I had $100 ,000 from all these jobs.
[557] It was I think Krippendorf's tribe is what gave me that money which is a blackface movie if you haven't seen it.
[558] It's a Disney blackface picture and starting Richard Dreyfuss Rippendorf's tribe I remember that.
[559] Yes.
[560] So the premise is that Richard Dreyfus is an anthropologist whose wife dies and now he's a sad widower with these two, three kids and so he decides to create a fake tribe in his backyard.
[561] Oh, yes.
[562] It's worse than you think.
[563] And so then, essentially, it's all of us, Richard Dreyfus, myself, and I guess the other two sons, I'm the eldest, all in full blackface.
[564] How have I never heard of this?
[565] Yeah.
[566] Oh, wow.
[567] It's pretty nuts.
[568] It's so...
[569] You chose a good time to get out, I think.
[570] Let's go to a clip.
[571] And so I took that money and I was like, ah, shit, I'll just buy an apartment.
[572] Because the other money, all my childhood acting money had been spent already.
[573] Not by you.
[574] No. And I thought I was going to get a Lambo.
[575] That's why I was doing it.
[576] I was promised that I was going to get a Lambo.
[577] But I never materialized.
[578] But I did get a bad credit score early because my social security number was being used frequently.
[579] So, yeah, you know, going to the film forum for the quadruple feature was so much cheaper than Tish.
[580] But it was in rehab that I really started connecting directly to science because in high school it was not my thing.
[581] I remember reading this Bill Brayson book.
[582] Walk in the Woods, which one?
[583] No, it's a, I don't know, my short history.
[584] nearly everything.
[585] Yes, yeah, yeah.
[586] And I was like, oh, okay, I think I can use that concept as like this higher power concept because it was so impossible to sort of reconcile, whatever, you know, what is this idea of, you know, like an anthropomorphic god or whatever?
[587] And I really understood the scope of how little I understood about the world.
[588] Do you know what I mean?
[589] I, I loathe inanimate objects and logistics.
[590] They seem to be two real troublemakers, you know.
[591] You loathe inanimate objects.
[592] Yeah.
[593] Now, wait a minute.
[594] I know what you mean.
[595] If you mean what I think you mean, I find that the minute I care about something that I can hold in my hand, I will misplace it fairly soon.
[596] And I will spend about six hours worrying about where it is, even if it costs like $42, I will devote time to being very upset that that thing I liked having, I can't find now.
[597] And then I will find it like six days later in an obvious spot and be way overjoyed about that and realize that I just ate up more of this precious time on earth worrying about the $60 bakelite pen that I bought here in Larchmont that has a cool sort of orange tone to the cap that I liked doodling with.
[598] and then it was gone for six days and I was bereft but now I found it again oh why would I put it inside a sock why did I do that what made me think of that but here it is yay I've got that pen back and it's crazy and then what closer to the grave good job Conan good little soap opera but it's I mean I understand what you're saying that's what I'm saying yeah it's exactly what I'm saying like what the fuck are these things It's like, oh, is this bottle cap.
[599] Oh, okay, now you're a magical mystery tour.
[600] Glad this is fucking happening.
[601] I mean, it's nuts.
[602] Okay, I had this moment of awakening.
[603] Yeah.
[604] Years ago in New York, when I worked in 30 Rock, across the street was Christy's auction house.
[605] And one day they said, oh, all of the Roosevelt family memorabilia is being put up for auction.
[606] And I thought, well, I got to go check that out.
[607] So I went over and it's Franklin Roosevelt and Eleanor.
[608] And then they had a bunch of kids.
[609] And so basically I went and looked and it was room after room after room of all the stuff they had given each other for Christmases going back to like 1922 up into, you know, past when Franklin's gone and well into the 1950s.
[610] And it was just case after case after case of stuff that looked like, you know, that's a tie clip.
[611] That's a little watch fob.
[612] Oh, look, there's a little case you can put some pills in.
[613] Oh, look, there's a little.
[614] I see, yeah, there's a bookmarker that's made of pewter.
[615] And it was thousands and thousands of them.
[616] It was like the end of Citizen Kane where I'm looking at all of it.
[617] And all I'm imagining is them unwrapping it on Christmas Day, 1931.
[618] Well, isn't that grand?
[619] Thank you.
[620] Thank you.
[621] Look at that.
[622] That's going to hold my tie quite nicely.
[623] Thank you.
[624] Yay.
[625] Christmas, 1935.
[626] Well, isn't that grand.
[627] That's going to keep my pride.
[628] place in the book.
[629] And now everyone's dead.
[630] And it's a room full of shit.
[631] And everyone's buying it.
[632] And then they're going to give it to somebody.
[633] It's going to be like, hey, thanks.
[634] That's fucking fantastic.
[635] That'll hold my tie in place.
[636] And then they're going to die.
[637] And it's just, then we're just, I don't know.
[638] That's what, I don't know why that one Christie's option just opened my eyes to what a sham the whole thing is.
[639] No, I love Goth Conan.
[640] Well, you're all going to die, everybody.
[641] Oh, I'm going to die.
[642] Yeah, God Conan's a shit, okay?
[643] Because, you know, the facts are that that's all correct.
[644] They don't understand about the fucking tie clips.
[645] That's all I'm saying.
[646] Speaking of surreal, there's one thing I have to ask you about, which is I believe you might be the last person on Earth to work with Marlon Brando.
[647] And I just have to ask you about it.
[648] Oh, it was wild.
[649] I'll go ahead and say it.
[650] It was Buckwild.
[651] I'm glad you had the courage to go ahead with your thought.
[652] Yeah.
[653] But it was on Scary Movie 2.
[654] And I remember at the time they hired him, they gave him a crazy amount of money to do a cameo in this movie.
[655] And then they, I think they ended up not using him because he was too ill. Is that right?
[656] Yes, sir.
[657] So it was Keenan Ivory Wains, the director, who I love.
[658] Yeah, so when it came in, I was definitely like, yo, hard pass.
[659] Because I don't fuck with things called Scary Movie 2.
[660] And like that's not what I'm in this for You know and I I love Billy I love Billy Friedkin I love The Exorcist Which they parody in that one yeah And I actually met him and spent time with him Towards the end of his life Because he wanted me to be a May West In a biopic that I think But I think originally it was Bat Midler That's how you name dropped So just like you have to take a pause And hit him with the last name and uh i just call her b but whatever you do you don't call her the divine miss m no just b yeah well oh wait no that's baronc obama oh shit how many b's you have in your phone don't you play the spelling bee and connections oh you call her a lot just in that redhead globe but i'm not on the thread i'm not in the church you were on the thread but you won't answer yeah um so anyway uh yeah it was um yeah yeah you don't want Fuck with fucking Linda Blair and fucking Billy Friedkin.
[661] That's nuts.
[662] And then they were like, and Marlon Brando is doing it.
[663] And your dear heart, Andy Richter.
[664] Yeah, Andy was in it as well, yeah.
[665] But really, Marlon was my way in.
[666] At the time, I was like, I mean, you know, that's working with Brando.
[667] Got to do it.
[668] You got to be like, you know, your mother sucks cocks in hell.
[669] You got to.
[670] Like, you just, are you gonna do it better than she did you're not uh you're gonna ruin it but it's brand though and then he shows up and he uh yeah he was he was very very old uh and and ill i think yes and an oxygen tank and uh earpieces and i told this story on your show live um but um oh i guess it's to tape but uh you know i'm not involved in the editing yeah yeah not that really didn't need to be qualified but anyway And if you're not familiar with Conan's work, so he, you know, there was this talk show and...
[671] I love how you get to the part where so Brando shows up.
[672] Now, of course, Conan used to tape his show.
[673] Now, he'd tape it at 5 .30, but it wouldn't air until 1230.
[674] So there was a lag in which time they could make short edit.
[675] You're getting to the best part of the story.
[676] And now you're making it longer.
[677] I know.
[678] Get to Brando.
[679] Sorry, we're all going to die.
[680] You want the full story?
[681] So as he was like, you know, because of the breathing and, yeah, the bed was sort of one of the gags was it was like a low rider that would move all crazy, like a, you know, pit my ride style, which I think he'd never seen.
[682] I don't even know if it was out yet.
[683] Yeah, yeah.
[684] But, you know, space time moves in all kinds of directions.
[685] Yes, it does.
[686] So anyway, he would keep his hand right on my tit.
[687] I think as I was in the prosthetics, did not understand.
[688] that, like, I was a real person at all.
[689] You're giving him a lot of credit.
[690] And, you know, despite what my mother said, it's a fucking nice rack, you know what I mean?
[691] So, you know, what he was doing?
[692] And I was like, wow, this is, like, a fucking pretty serious day at the office, you know what I mean?
[693] So you're standing there, and you're in all these prosthetics.
[694] Merwin Brando, who doesn't have long to live, has his hand on your breast.
[695] For, like, for, like, hours, you know what I mean, at a time?
[696] I'm like, that's fucking Brando.
[697] I mean, is it fucking, you know, big boy Brando?
[698] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know.
[699] Can he breathe?
[700] Not really, but, you know, is he all there?
[701] I mean, nope.
[702] Is it the sort of acting face off?
[703] I dream, though.
[704] It's no on the waterfront.
[705] If you look at on the waterfront, he's got his hand.
[706] On Carl Maldon's, bro.
[707] Oral Maldon's breast.
[708] They tried to cut around it.
[709] No, they do.
[710] And, yeah, I was like, well, yeah, I guess I am a fucking contender after all and so on.
[711] So I was thrilled and delighted.
[712] I thought it was fucking pretty special.
[713] And, yeah, then when he dropped out of the film the next day due to his health and, like, I think he died like three weeks later.
[714] Yeah, he died very shortly afterwards, yeah.
[715] So I maybe am there.
[716] It's not, I don't want to make it about me, but, you know, I'm maybe the last person that he felt up.
[717] I don't want to assume that he was kind of, it's like, it's not a big deal.
[718] It's just sort of like, yeah, pretty much, Brando and I banged it out hardcore, you know what I mean?
[719] Like, and three weeks later he died.
[720] And, yeah, that was the last time that he could fucking manage it.
[721] And then the next day they brought in James Woods.
[722] And, yeah.
[723] This is how every story ends.
[724] And then they brought in James Woods.
[725] James Woods.
[726] Godfather, Four.
[727] And he was less of a charmer.
[728] In the makeup.
[729] Less of a charmer than the man on oxygen.
[730] Whose hand is on your breast for six days.
[731] Because he was like, you know, I can tell even with the makeup, you're a spinner, right?
[732] What?
[733] Oh, my God.
[734] No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
[735] Yeah, yeah, and that was, I thought, I mean, less sexy than, you know, Brando, who was just fucking oxygen, you don't mean, pumping in oxygen.
[736] It was crazy.
[737] No, that didn't happen.
[738] And, yeah, the James Woods one was like, oh, that's weird.
[739] But I fucking think James Woods is a great actor, despite the fact that he's a Republican, you know, psychopath that sort of, I don't know, you know, was hidden on me. as a teenager in full monster makeup I mean pretty specifically there's a crazy move dude yeah I guess he does but my God Sergio Leone's once upon a time in America you know multiple truths hold you see all facets of the human condition is what you're saying I'm just saying you see the high and the low I mean he's a fuck it and that guy's a great great actor And I don't know what the fuck Brando was up to But it was nothing too kosher himself I mean Maria Shiner Last Tango I mean Him and Bertolucci are fucking The shenanigans They're getting into and that You don't call that shenanigans Oh you call it rape I see Yeah I mean that poor chick Fuck yeah Never recovered from that picture Did she But it's a you know It's a meal buttery scene And multiple truths, you know.
[740] There are multiple truths.
[741] There are many, multiple truths.
[742] In a way, it's like, are they time crimes or what?
[743] Because I think that just raping and abusing women throughout history has been, you know, for reasons in a very obscure and mercurial conceptually and morally would just sort of affect a life.
[744] And I don't know.
[745] I'm just riffing like Miles Davis might.
[746] I think what comes to mind is me thinking about you going through all this without functioning parents being really young and figuring it out.
[747] And you've come out of it on the other side.
[748] And you're a remarkably, I think, intelligent person who's also non.
[749] There's a complete lack of judgment.
[750] You're not judging people.
[751] You're not, you've been through a lot.
[752] I feel like you've been through 50 lifetimes of madness, but you are very even -keeled and you're, you keep bringing up this concept that many things are true, that someone can be a monster, but they can also be a brilliant artist.
[753] And then you see all this three, four -dimensionality to it, which I think is pretty amazing.
[754] Because I think we live in a time where people just want to hear, was someone good or was someone bad?
[755] Yeah, it's a bummer.
[756] And it doesn't work that way.
[757] Nope.
[758] Yeah.
[759] Yep.
[760] but that said I'd like to end on I think I'm good very good and I mean perfect that's not the takeaway from this I mean perfect no no no in every way and there's no like layers hard disagree I want to make sure I bring this up because you worked with a comic who fascinates me Jacqueline Novak you directed an executive produced her special get on your knees and she's just not like any other stand -up I've encountered She is incredibly literate and almost poetic.
[761] John Malaney said, ladies and gentlemen, I've seen the Muhammad Ali of comedy about Jacqueline Novak.
[762] She is fucking brilliant.
[763] And when she got into this kind of like, I prefer calling doggy style the hounds way.
[764] She's talking a lot about, well, she's talking about oral sex.
[765] Sucking them, cocks.
[766] I'm sorry, you took the words right out of my mouth.
[767] No problem.
[768] You took the cock right out of my mouth.
[769] We're all going to die, so get those cocks out of your mouth.
[770] Yeah, or don't, you know what I mean?
[771] Kind of, get those back in your mouth, you know what I mean?
[772] She's talking about a lot of very graphic stuff, but it's almost like you're listening to, it's almost like it's Emily Bronte talking about it.
[773] It's fascinating.
[774] She's great.
[775] She's great writer.
[776] Yep.
[777] You took very good care of her.
[778] I mean, that's you did a good job.
[779] Thank you.
[780] And I'm sure that means a lot.
[781] coming from me. Yeah, no, I actually...
[782] Sorry, I just had to put that in.
[783] I'm just, because you wouldn't say it, so...
[784] But, I mean, there's no higher praise.
[785] No, I mean, like, to hear that from you, like, in this moment, but...
[786] Man, you're good.
[787] Are you fucking kidding?
[788] You, write to all those reviews on Criterion.
[789] Criterion, Conan?
[790] Telling me that that shit is good?
[791] That's right.
[792] Criterion Conan.
[793] Criterion Conan.
[794] There's no better guy.
[795] to get a compliment from yeah no uh but genuinely uh hopefully uh your people um are they followers is it a cult it's a cult it's a cult um i have certain as the cult leader i have certain privileges yeah so i'm glad you officially endorsed it uh and uh you know remember that when you click on um uh the special on netflix it's uh it's really about a completion right that's how they sort of do with the streamers so just let it play all the way that's how the algorithm works I just watch like a true artist what's it best and often Natasha yes sir there's no one like you I've looked I can't find another Natasha there just aren't any so thank you for coming here and sharing your brain with us that's so cool thank you for saying that I have one I appreciate it coming from you, sir, genuinely.
[796] God bless.
[797] God bless and good night.
[798] Hey, let's do a voicemail.
[799] I agree.
[800] Voicemail sounds like a good idea.
[801] And hey, if you want to send us a voicemail, just call us.
[802] Give us your thoughts.
[803] 669 -587 -2847.
[804] That number again, 669 -587 -2847.
[805] We'd like to hear your thoughts.
[806] and we'd like to reply.
[807] Eduardo, you are a go.
[808] Hi, my name is Ray.
[809] I am calling from the great state of North Kakalaki.
[810] There's a recurring character on the podcast, our late great president, or not so great president, Richard Nixon.
[811] He's probably one of the most common recurring characters.
[812] My question to Conan is, what is the humor in Richard Nixon for you?
[813] I would be fascinated to know.
[814] This is a very good question.
[815] You know, people always talk about when they were born, but really what's more significant is you have to add like seven years to that because that's when you really come of age.
[816] Do you know what I mean?
[817] Yeah, I do.
[818] So there's this, you know, I'm born in 1963 and then there's a bunch of years there where I'm just, they're just shoving ham into me and I'm slowly growing and my brothers are kicking me and slapping me and, you know, I'm whatever.
[819] I mean, that sort of state of chaos.
[820] And then I kind of start to wake up, slowly realize things around 1968, 69.
[821] And the character who fascinates me is this guy Richard Nixon, who, you know, gets elected in 68.
[822] And so he's the president.
[823] And so I was always interested in presidential history.
[824] And the president, and I just know that he inspires a lot of comedy.
[825] And my parents, to get us to go to sleep at night, used to play us comedy records.
[826] And these records were made by a guy named David Fry, who would make these whole albums, and he did a funny Richard Nixon impression, and he would play out all these scenarios.
[827] And I think there were four albums, and my parents had them all, to get us to go to sleep at night, because my brothers and I were rambunctious, and we had two sisters, too.
[828] We were all on the same floor.
[829] My mom would just put a comedy album on in the center of the hallway, and we would all listen to it as we went to sleep.
[830] So I would go to sleep listening to this guy doing these crazy Richard Nixon sketches.
[831] Coming from out in the hall?
[832] Coming from out in the hall.
[833] Our rooms were all, you know, sort of right around that central hallway.
[834] So you had the doors open so you could listen.
[835] But that's so eerie thinking like Nixon is just floating around.
[836] Well, Nixon also did hang out in our hallway, which was also confusing.
[837] But anyway, so I grew up with Nixon is, you know, I am not a crook.
[838] And there were all these impressions.
[839] and every comedian was doing Nixon material.
[840] So you've got to imagine he's just this formidable.
[841] He's not just the president of the United States, but also felt like kind of a comedy figure to me, like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
[842] I mean, that's in my core DNA.
[843] And then all these years later, we'll just be babbling.
[844] And suddenly Nixon just comes out to make an appearance.
[845] And I have to credit this comedian, impressionist, David Fry, and also just President Nixon himself, who no one did a better Nixon impression than President Richard Milhouse Nixon.
[846] So, yeah, I do think that's just coming from me. And also, I think there are probably a lot of people.
[847] I remember when I worked at The Simpsons, there were these two writers, Oakley and Weinstein, very funny, talented writers.
[848] And I went into their office once, and they had grown up in the D .C. area.
[849] And they were a couple of years younger than me. But they had a giant, the other people have posters of rock stars.
[850] They had posters of all the Watergate conspirators.
[851] Oh, my God, that's amazing.
[852] That's amazing.
[853] And I'd go in and go, what?
[854] And they'd go like, oh, yeah, no. And it was like flow charts of who was who.
[855] And it was almost like, who's your favorite of the burglars.
[856] And now what about the lawyers?
[857] You know, are you a Haldeman guy or an Ehrlichman guy?
[858] And it was just hilarious.
[859] I mean, they knew it was funny, but it was just such a funny thing to joke about.
[860] So, yes.
[861] things burble up from deep within my psyche and I don't even understand why but now that this person has called in Ray and brought it up, I'm remembering listening to these records and thinking this is all seeped into my brain as I'm falling asleep every night.
[862] Zona, do you have a Nixon impression?
[863] No. Would you like to?
[864] No, good.
[865] Couldn't you try?
[866] No. Come on, just say, I am a crook.
[867] I'm a moral crook.
[868] What?
[869] Oh, that's post -stroke Nixon.
[870] Let me just be here.
[871] Let me just...
[872] Okay.
[873] Okay, I'll get your check for the podcast.
[874] Yeah, thank you.
[875] I have actually zero to add to this conversation.
[876] No, no, here you go.
[877] I don't know what the fuck you guys want me to say.
[878] No, no, it's fine.
[879] I didn't grow up during Nixon.
[880] I have no fucking idea.
[881] Listen, if you had grown up...
[882] I do not.
[883] You know how to add to it.
[884] Thank you very much.
[885] There you go.
[886] I have nothing to add.
[887] It is fascinating.
[888] Hey, let me just be here.
[889] All right?
[890] Oh, and by the way, I think it's time for a raise.
[891] Yeah.
[892] I think it's still a little something extra in my paycheck.
[893] Okay, well, do you mind if maybe you could just give us a little next in?
[894] Fuck you.
[895] Pay me. Fuck you, pay me. I don't know what to do.
[896] I don't do impressions, but okay.
[897] I hired you for your impressions.
[898] I don't do impressions.
[899] To your French guy.
[900] Don't make me do these now.
[901] Come on, French guy.
[902] Oh.
[903] I don't know why the cigarette always comes up I'm from Paris I dried around the baguette in my bicycle That's why when I saw that I thought She does impressions That's just the tip of the iceberg Yeah I like your first guy was just a French guy orgasming You mean a French guy?
[904] All right French guy biting into a baguette All right I think we answered that question Yeah clearly Yeah Nixon man Keep the dream alive.
[905] Yeah.
[906] Nixon, 2024.
[907] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[908] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goorley.
[909] Produced by me, Matt Goorley.
[910] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[911] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[912] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[913] Take it away, Jimmy.
[914] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[915] Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
[916] Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
[917] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[918] Got a question for Conan?
[919] Call the Team Coco hotline at 669 -587 -2847 and leave a message.
[920] It too could be featured on a future episode.
[921] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[922] Thank you.