MFM Minisode 105

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Murders in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Welcome to my favorite murder, the minisome.

[17] We read your shit back to you.

[18] Are you ready for some email?

[19] from your co -listeners.

[20] Yeah, your friends, your best friends.

[21] Your best friends that are here to tell us wonderful long -lost family stories, personal stories, total made -up lies, whatever it is.

[22] Hometown murders.

[23] Oh, hometown murders, right?

[24] That's what it was all based on.

[25] Mm -hmm.

[26] You know, fun stuff.

[27] Here we go.

[28] Are you ready?

[29] I'm ready.

[30] Do you want to go first this time?

[31] No, I don't want to screw this up for everyone.

[32] God forbid.

[33] Let's not break it, but it's already fixed.

[34] Right?

[35] It's so fixed this way.

[36] It's a fixie.

[37] The subject line of this one is, my dad found one of the victims of the machete murder, but fucking didn't tell me for 26 years.

[38] Dad.

[39] Hello from the airport.

[40] Hi.

[41] Hi.

[42] I flew home for New Year's to spend some time with my family.

[43] One night, some friends from college came to my parents' house for dinner.

[44] My friend and I talked about different serial killers we love, in parentheses.

[45] You know what I mean.

[46] For a solid 45 minutes at the dinner table before my dad decides to chime in.

[47] He asked, has the podcast that you liked on Juan Corona?

[48] You did that one, right?

[49] Which one was that?

[50] I think you did, okay.

[51] We said that we didn't think so, as it had, as it didn't sound familiar.

[52] I asked why, he asked about this one specifically.

[53] He talked for a full few minutes about the guy before casually mentioning that he found one of the bodies.

[54] Oh, I know.

[55] This is, this was, this was, this was the hometown.

[56] Yeah, okay.

[57] Exactly right.

[58] I have to stop saying that now.

[59] That's the name of our company.

[60] Correct, Georgia.

[61] He then carried on with his conversation without going into any detail.

[62] I sat there shell shock for a few seconds before shouting, hold up, start from the beginning and tell me everything.

[63] Apparently in the early 70s, my grandfather was testing the water in aquifers below orchards in Northern California.

[64] And my dad helped him dig holes in said orchards.

[65] One day, my dad was digging a hole and came across a human hand.

[66] Fuck.

[67] My dad and grandpa apparently were more annoyed than freaked out because they had to stop digging for the day.

[68] Oh, yeah.

[69] They went home.

[70] That's so, they're fronting.

[71] They went home and called the police who came and dug up the rest of the body.

[72] It turns out the body was one of the 25 farm workers that won Corona, aka the machete murderer, killed in a four -month span in 1971.

[73] Oh, my God.

[74] That's the guy that he would kill the migrant workers and buried them in the orchards and nobody could trace them.

[75] Took their money and shit.

[76] Yeah.

[77] My grandpa then made up joke business cards with, quote, sorry I missed you, Juan Corona.

[78] Oh, my God.

[79] I have no idea who he gave these cards to, but it's the only funny thing my grandpa's ever done.

[80] My dad swears, he's told me this story, but I guarantee I would have remembered my dad finding the body of a serial killer victim.

[81] Stay sexy and never dig holes in an orchard, cat.

[82] Oh, my God.

[83] Sorry, I missed you, Juan Corona.

[84] I wonder how many untold dad stories.

[85] is there are waiting to be told to murderingos right at this very moment.

[86] There's, I think, bottomless goal minds of them.

[87] That's right.

[88] That's don't, that they're so quiet.

[89] That's men are raised to keep it all inside.

[90] Which they should.

[91] We appreciate it.

[92] Yeah.

[93] I mean, shut up.

[94] No one cares.

[95] But, however, okay.

[96] Share your feelings.

[97] Okay, this is called when a beauty school student encounters a serial killer.

[98] Okay.

[99] Greetings all.

[100] My name is Sarah and I live in San Diego.

[101] I actually just got tickets for your January San Diego show for Christmas a couple days ago and I'm so excited.

[102] I'll be going with my mom who this story is about.

[103] Guess what it happened last week?

[104] The other day?

[105] It was so much fun.

[106] It was really, really good.

[107] It's up San Diego.

[108] We could feel her presence.

[109] We could.

[110] Even though I was born and raised in San Diego, half of my childhood was spent driving up the California coastline and spending entire summers in Northern California.

[111] North of Napa Valley where my mother is from.

[112] It sounds like pedalo to me. I'm sorry.

[113] What's up?

[114] She had quite a A few crazy stories about her time in Northern California, and my favorite one is this.

[115] When my mother was 17 or 18 years old, she went to beauty school in Napa Valley.

[116] It was a small school that was located on a small one -way street, and if you've ever been to a beauty school, you know that nine times out of ten.

[117] They have one of those huge glass windows that are floor to ceiling so people walking by could look in, see a student doing hair, and possibly come in.

[118] As a three -month beauty school dropout, I agree with all of this.

[119] You get this?

[120] I'm here to corroborate this.

[121] What did you learn?

[122] Did you learn anything that you still remember?

[123] A little bit.

[124] I learned how to do finger waves, because it was the 1920s, apparently, and they've never updated their beauty school shit.

[125] Right.

[126] Start with the basics.

[127] Right.

[128] And then just a little bit.

[129] I can still cut my bangs pretty, pretty well, but that's about it.

[130] Nice.

[131] Yeah.

[132] Okay.

[133] My mother was always positioned at the very last chair right next to the window.

[134] Well, one day in the middle of a sunny afternoon, what seemed like the entire Napa Valley Police Force and surrounding Kempah, County's forces descended on this very small, very tight little one -way street from all directions.

[135] There were cars pulling up onto the sidewalks and sirens blaring.

[136] Across the street from the beauty school left some 40 feet from where my weather was standing next to the window.

[137] There was a phone booth.

[138] 20 minutes earlier, the Zodiac Killer had called the police from that phone booth.

[139] Oh, my fucking God.

[140] Needless to say, the police went in every shop and questioned all the people inside, but no one remembers seeing anything or anyone of significance.

[141] I always tease my mom that it was the one lone male beauty school student who snuck out the back door and went around to make the call.

[142] Maybe.

[143] She said that they have a scene similar to this scenario in Karen's favorite movie, Zodiac.

[144] Though that doesn't mean much since he was always calling and taunting police, so I'm sure that was an amalgamation of different phone calls.

[145] Looking forward to seeing you next month.

[146] Already happened.

[147] I can't wait to hear it stories you come up with.

[148] I already did them.

[149] Did them.

[150] Always Sarah.

[151] Oh, God, I don't know why that's so exciting to me. Because if she had looked up at the phone booth, which she probably did and just didn't.

[152] There was nothing.

[153] It was normal.

[154] It's a dude with a crew cut and those Army -issued black friend glasses.

[155] How do you go amazing?

[156] Yeah.

[157] Write this down.

[158] You wouldn't.

[159] Also, I'm thinking of the city of Napa in, she said it was the 70s, right?

[160] I think so, yeah.

[161] So it's like a tiny town.

[162] Tiny, like this is pre -wind boom.

[163] So Napa is just.

[164] another little burgh over a hill.

[165] Like, it's not big at all.

[166] I just can't, I, it's like, I'm weirdly star -struck.

[167] It's not healthy.

[168] Okay.

[169] That's what this podcast theme is.

[170] It's not healthy.

[171] To be star -struck.

[172] To be star -struck.

[173] Okay, the subject line of this is FBI raid at my neighbor's house two weeks ago.

[174] Oh, my God.

[175] Hi, all.

[176] My name's Claudia, and I am a 16 -year -old listener.

[177] Claudia, go to bed.

[178] Hi, Claudia.

[179] Hi, Claudia.

[180] I love Taylor Swift, too.

[181] I have always been interested in true crime.

[182] and while listening to this podcast, wished I had a hometown murder I could share.

[183] That all changed two weeks ago when my neighbors had their house rated by the SBI.

[184] Holy shit.

[185] That all changed.

[186] Okay.

[187] I live in Raleigh, North Carolina, in a typical suburban neighborhood.

[188] Two streets down for me is the most expensive house in Raleigh.

[189] The houses in my neighborhood are very modest and nothing fancy, so this mansion is out of place being at the end of the street with old dirty townhomes.

[190] Here's the story.

[191] An older Russian couple lived in the main.

[192] mansion with their also Russian housekeeper, housekeeper's husband, and son.

[193] The wife was having an affair with the housekeeper's son.

[194] Oh my God.

[195] The husband found out and hired a hit man to have the son be kidnapped, taken into the woods, forced to admit he was having sex with the wife on video and then be killed.

[196] Holy shit.

[197] There's a lot of other info that isn't important, but basically the murder plot never went through.

[198] The FBI found out and raided the house and the couple got busted for money laundering and a ton of other charges.

[199] My dad also told me that they had an apartment downtown filled with guns.

[200] Filled with guns.

[201] Filled a little pied of tear downtown.

[202] Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

[203] My neighborhood is simple.

[204] It was perfectly written.

[205] It was perfectly.

[206] Honey, I know 16, you're always doubting yourself.

[207] But you nailed it.

[208] My neighborhood is full of other crazy white people like the cute young couple.

[209] Everyone loved who were busted for having a secret 12 -year -old daughter locked in the basement that they had been physically and mentally abusing for years.

[210] Holy shit.

[211] She buried the lead.

[212] She went Russian first when this is the fucking, oh my God.

[213] My next -door neighbor's car has also been broken into three times while everyone was sleeping.

[214] So maybe it's time to move.

[215] Please don't move away without your parents.

[216] Claudia, don't do it.

[217] Love the podcast and sorry this email was so long.

[218] I have other fun ghost stories that I will send in a separate email if you're a interested.

[219] We are.

[220] Stay sexy and move out of your country club neighborhood, Claudia.

[221] I love it.

[222] Amazing.

[223] You can come stay at the pot office if you want.

[224] That's right.

[225] Okay, that was great.

[226] 16 -year -olds, send us your stories.

[227] We want to hear from you.

[228] That's right.

[229] And go to bed.

[230] Now go to bed.

[231] Tased and covered in cooking oil, a first responder story.

[232] Oh, no, no. Yes.

[233] Dear Karen, Torterter, Stephen, and animals.

[234] My boyfriend was a first responder for some time and among the numerous wild calls he's encountered, this one by far is my favorite.

[235] My boyfriend worked as an EMT at an ambulance company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

[236] One day, he was stationed downtown and he received a call for a tased person.

[237] Upon arrival, he soon came to realize there was a bit more going on than just a tasing.

[238] Yeah.

[239] In the entrance of an apartment building, there was a female lying face down, wearing a crop top, and booty shorts, arms handcuffed behind her back.

[240] Uh -oh.

[241] And covered head to toe in cooking oil?

[242] No. No. What a sight to see at 8 in the morning.

[243] For some reason, I feel like dousing yourself in cooking oil would be a nighttime activity.

[244] Hey, to each his own.

[245] That's right.

[246] Everybody has a different jam.

[247] Or oil.

[248] She had been, she had just been tased, and first responders called to transport her to the hospital for medical clearance before she could be arrested.

[249] Okay, so the handcuffs were from the cops.

[250] Oh, good.

[251] Okay.

[252] She had been tased by them.

[253] Right.

[254] out, she had to be checked out.

[255] This was all a city, a city ordinance -based tasing.

[256] Minus, yeah, the cooking oil is the thing that probably wasn't by the cops.

[257] Yeah, that happened before.

[258] The cooking oil dowsing was personal.

[259] And it's probably reason why she was tased, I'm sure.

[260] Yeah, there were those, that interplayed with the, with the reason.

[261] Exactly.

[262] Let's see, this brought up the task of moving her to a cot to transport her in an ambulance.

[263] Good luck.

[264] This is normally an easy task.

[265] However, the woman refused to move and was covered in cooking oil.

[266] The boyfriend said their gloves were just sliding off her body.

[267] They needed a few extra hands to move her.

[268] Then it turned into a porn.

[269] It ended up taking six oil covered individuals to get her on a cot and strap her down.

[270] They essentially had to yank her up by the handcuffs.

[271] Ow.

[272] Yeah.

[273] After this ordeal, the first responders, hands, uniforms, and everything in the back of the ambulance was coated in oil.

[274] My boyfriend said they had to return to the station and switch out equipment before their next call because they couldn't use any of it due to being so greasy.

[275] Ew.

[276] Hopefully this woman got the help she needed and won't have to cover herself in oil again for who knows what reason.

[277] My boyfriend has no idea what she was getting arrested for or why she looked like she just came out of a deep friar.

[278] Stay sexy and keep the cooking oil in the kitchen, Kelly.

[279] Oh, embarrassing if you're just trying to do a super -moisterizing treatment conditioner treatment.

[280] treatment.

[281] Everyone's like, put, put coconut oil all over yourself.

[282] And she's like, the one time I do it, I get fucking rest in the taste.

[283] The one time I do it, I get into a fight with my neighbor while I'm doing it.

[284] Right, which would have happened at any time.

[285] I just happened to be my, but I was especially worked up because I was covered in oil.

[286] And yeah.

[287] Insane.

[288] I thought my fear, it sounded so much, so much more horrible.

[289] I thought they just came upon upon a woman who was handcuffed laying in a doorway, having been tased.

[290] like that it was all separate and she was by herself, which is like, no, horrifying.

[291] That's, yeah, it's not that.

[292] It's a best case scenario.

[293] It was a self -oiling.

[294] Yes.

[295] It was, be you, be proud.

[296] Yeah.

[297] Oil it up.

[298] Okay.

[299] We're fine.

[300] We're fine.

[301] We don't have to talk about it anymore.

[302] Okay.

[303] Hey, this is exciting.

[304] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[305] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcast.

[306] cast or detectives.

[307] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[308] Who killed Saz?

[309] And were they really after Charles?

[310] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[311] This season murder hits close to home.

[312] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[313] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[314] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[315] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[316] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Meryl Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[317] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[318] Goodbye.

[319] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[320] Absolutely.

[321] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[322] Exactly.

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[325] That's right.

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[332] Connect with customers in line and online.

[333] Do retail right with Shopify.

[334] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[335] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[336] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[337] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[338] Goodbye.

[339] My last one here, the subject line as a ghost saved my life.

[340] Right?

[341] Oh, are you going to, am I going to cry?

[342] It might as well say a love letter to Karen who they are.

[343] It's my favorite.

[344] I love it.

[345] Listen to this shit.

[346] That's how it starts.

[347] That is how it's done.

[348] Yeah.

[349] Listen to this shit.

[350] On New Year's Eve, when I was six months old, my parents laid me down for bed one night and went on about their business.

[351] About two hours later, my dad heard this loud but beautiful whistling.

[352] It being the 80s, he was forced to get up and turn down the TV as we didn't have a remote, in parentheses, which they still tell me to this day is the reason they had me to change the channel.

[353] That's amazing.

[354] As the whistling continued, my dad went to their bedroom to see how the hell my mom could whistle like that, but he found she was dead asleep.

[355] Oh, my God, you said dead, and I was like, she was dead.

[356] That was, yeah, dramatic wording.

[357] Okay.

[358] She woke her up to ask her, to ask if it was her, and upon realizing it wasn't, then rushed to my room.

[359] They rushed to my room.

[360] Your daughter's amazing whistler.

[361] A baby whistler.

[362] A baby whistler.

[363] My room was ice cold, but I was drenched in sweat.

[364] When they took my temperature, it was 105 .4.

[365] Needless to say, I was at the ER in minutes.

[366] Once they did a spinal tap, ice bath, an x -ray of my chest, which they found my lungs filled with pneumonia.

[367] The doctors told my parents how lucky they were to have brought me because I could have been dead within hours, if not for them checking on me. Fast forward to the 4th of July where our next our neighbors were throwing a pool party.

[368] My dad started talking to the wife who had lived there for 30 years.

[369] and out of curiosity asked about the previous tenants of the house.

[370] Her eyes lit up when talking about the mother who lived and died next door.

[371] According to my dad, her exact words were, quote, she was a beautiful woman with several children.

[372] Everyone loved her.

[373] You see, back in the day, we didn't have air conditioning, so we would leave the windows open to let the breeze in, and you could hear her whistling the most beautiful song to her children at night.

[374] Needless to, ooh, I just gave myself chills.

[375] Needless to say, my dad shit his pants at that point, and probably had a look of shock and horror on his face.

[376] Then she started to smile and said, she's still there, isn't she?

[377] Oh, God, I'm crying.

[378] Without knowing anything about our situation, she went on to explain that unfortunately she stopped whistling when her newborn daughter passed away from pneumonia.

[379] No, no, no. Stay sexy and let whistling old ladies go save your life, Laura.

[380] Oh, my God.

[381] I have full body chills.

[382] I don't care if this is fake.

[383] It's great writing.

[384] And if it's real, even better.

[385] Oh, my God.

[386] Isn't that?

[387] I mean...

[388] Dude, 100%.

[389] Distant beautiful whistling in and of itself is insanely creepy.

[390] But then.

[391] Gorgeous.

[392] Also, a baby...

[393] She's still there, isn't she?

[394] She's still there, isn't she?

[395] A baby having pneumonia, and then 30 years later, another baby having pneumonia is, like, maybe dismantle that side of the house there's something in the there's something in the walls or something absolutely brightening put your baby to sleep in the kitchen from now on please move that crib over by the microwaves right then the microwave starts going on look at you in your whistle isn't that most beautiful pneumonia whistling you've ever heard I have a little one but I feel like that is a great way to end it okay your story whatever you want next week that was beautiful So beautiful.

[396] So beautiful.

[397] Touching.

[398] Touching, feeling.

[399] Whistling.

[400] Whistling.

[401] Loving.

[402] Oil.

[403] Tasing.

[404] Send us your stories at my favorite murder at Gmail.

[405] And, you know, yeah.

[406] And stay sexy.

[407] And don't get murdered.

[408] Goodbye.

[409] Oh, miss. You want a cookie?

[410] Meow.