Straight Talk for Dads

[0] Hey, moms, we talk on the podcast all the time about making self -care a priority, because when you're tired and you don't feel like yourself, it's hard to be that calm mom you want to be.

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[11] So if you follow us on Instagram, you'll notice that all of our videos are filmed from mountain peaks we've hiked, and what powers me is my AG1.

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[22] What do you do when you have a child who makes everything so difficult?

[23] He melts down over little things you don't even understand.

[24] man, talks back to you, is disrespectful, says things that you would have never said to your dad.

[25] Everything's a power struggle from putting your shoes on to doing your schoolwork.

[26] They won't push through.

[27] Dinner time's hard, bedtimes hard.

[28] Everything's difficult.

[29] That's how my son was.

[30] Everything, I didn't even like him when he was little.

[31] I didn't, he was embarrassing.

[32] He wasn't a good athlete.

[33] And I spent all my time trying to change him until I realized I was the one who needed to change.

[34] And so this is a message for dads.

[35] It's three days before Christmas.

[36] Not what I expect to be saying.

[37] But I keep getting emails from your wives saying, please, can you do something?

[38] Get through to my husband.

[39] So I've done some sweet podcasts, nice podcasts, and encouraging ones and given strategies.

[40] Today, this is a man speaking to other men.

[41] It's a very simple and direct message, and it's this.

[42] If you do not step up, stop making excuses, and take ownership of your own behavior, you will irrevocably, for the rest of your life, ruin.

[43] your relationship with that child that you love.

[44] You may not like them right now, but you will ruin your relationship with your child and you will also ruin your relationship with your wife.

[45] Because your wife will always love your kids more than they love, you and I. It's just the way that it works.

[46] And I promise you if this happens, you will regret your very life and you will end up lonely and you will be beating yourself up because all long you've been making excuses.

[47] Well, if my child would just stop doing this, if my wife would just stop coddling our son.

[48] Men, you and I, when we talk to our kids, we don't allow them to make excuses.

[49] Nope, you can't blame it on your coach, can't blame it on your teacher, can't blame it on your mother.

[50] You need to own your own actions, son.

[51] That's what we tell them.

[52] And yet, we make the same excuses.

[53] Well, if my child, well, my wife coddles our child, that's our problem.

[54] You know why your wife coddles your child?

[55] you know what the truth is she coddles you as well because she's alone because you left her alone and you ditched her and you are not being responsible because you're doing what i did which is say you know what this is hard i'll go to the work i'll go to the office i'll earn a living because i'm really good at that and i'll let my wife raise the kids handle the home stuff and your wife the reason she coddles your child is because she's overwhelmed and you abandon her emotionally in many ways and she has to walk on eggshells.

[56] You know what?

[57] Your wife coddles you.

[58] She doesn't even bring stuff up anymore because you, like me, dismissed her.

[59] And you just, oh, honey, you're overreacting.

[60] You're just codling him.

[61] She coddles you as well because you're not being a man and you're not being a grown up.

[62] And she's left alone walking on eggshells all day long because she's got to manage the emotions of her child because you can't handle it when your child gets upset.

[63] And now she has to make sure you don't get upset because that's going to ruin the relationship with a child that she loves.

[64] It doesn't work and it will not work and it all comes down to you and I as men need to humble ourselves and change ourselves.

[65] Two things that women moms write in about.

[66] One, controlling your emotions.

[67] Men, I get it.

[68] Your kids are difficult and they say things to you.

[69] But every time you react by getting upset, guess what you're doing.

[70] You're modeling for your child how to not be able to control your emotions?

[71] How can you expect your kids to control their own emotions if you as the adult in the home cannot even control your own emotions?

[72] Look, it is what we expect of our leaders.

[73] We want the quarterback, the platoon captain, who can control himself under pressure because that's when people respect him.

[74] And I know you want respect from your child, but they will not respect you if you're always flying off the handle.

[75] So you've got to learn to do that.

[76] We can show you how to do that.

[77] but that's not the point of this podcast.

[78] Second thing we do is men is we criticize our kids, mainly because that's what our dads did to many of us.

[79] I would shake my head and point out everything that my son was doing wrong because I thought that would motivate him to change.

[80] It does not work.

[81] It will not ever work.

[82] You're waiting for it to somehow like some trigger in their brain to finally get it.

[83] All that's going to happen is they're going to grow angry at you and they're going to resent you, they will not respect you, and they will shut down on you.

[84] And I want you to know, men, you are irreplaceable in the home.

[85] Nobody, nobody can replace the father in the home.

[86] Your wife cannot fill your place and your role in the home and your role in the heart of your child.

[87] There is something they get from their father, and it has to be a deep level of acceptance.

[88] because if they do not get it, they will fill it somewhere else, usually by something rebellious because they want, watch teenage boys often will become very rebellious because you know what they're doing?

[89] It's a big FU right back at their dad saying, you know what?

[90] You've always pointed out everything that's wrong.

[91] You always said I was going to be a loser.

[92] Well, guess what?

[93] Here I am, Dad.

[94] Proud of me. That's what happens, men.

[95] That's what happens.

[96] And that's on you.

[97] That's me. You and I need to grow up and be the men.

[98] Stop abandoning our wives so they coddle the child and coddle us.

[99] They will fill it.

[100] Some of your girls are going to fill it by looking to boys for affirmation.

[101] Some of your kids are going to get into drugs and alcohol and they're going to be like, see, I told you.

[102] No, that came because you didn't do it and I didn't do it.

[103] So I need you to step up and I'm encouraging you.

[104] I'm imploring you to humble yourself and work on this.

[105] and commit to this, this Christmas.

[106] Look, your wife doesn't want any gifts.

[107] She wants a new family.

[108] She wants a husband who walks alongside of her, who her kids can respond to, who's connecting with that difficult child.

[109] That's what she wants.

[110] That's what your family needs.

[111] If we can help you with that, email our strong -willed son Casey, C -A -S -E -Y at Celebrate Calm .com.

[112] Email me, Kirk, at Celebrate Calm.

[113] We will help you.

[114] Go to celebrate calm.

[115] Your wife has been telling you, we really want to, we need that calm parenting package.

[116] And you're like most men, like me, who's like, no, we don't need that.

[117] He's just a self -help guy.

[118] Not a self -help guy.

[119] I'm not going to ask you to walk on hot coals.

[120] I'm not going to tell you, I'm not going to get you all hyped up.

[121] What I'm telling you is the truth is that you need to step up and change.

[122] And we put together tools that will help you.

[123] And these tools, calm parenting package, we've got a Black Friday sale still on for many of the frugal men out there, a Christmas sale, we can help you, and it costs a whole lot less than divorce or therapy, and it works.

[124] And we show you exactly how to get control of your emotions, how to actually motivate your kids.

[125] But you have to take the next step, and you have to do this.

[126] And I promise you will never regret it.

[127] And it will change your family.

[128] And you have an opportunity now because if you keep going like this your wife will leave you your child will check out and it will not work without you involved step up men let's step up and let us show you let us help you but reach out to us okay thanks for listening to this and hanging in there let's make this the year that we change