The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett XX
[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[3] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV plus.
[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel.
[5] right now you talked about relationships at the start of this podcast you said you said you I think you alluded to the fact that you hadn't had much luck there when we were talking about knowing you're enough yeah what's going on yeah this is a real problem um so there's a few like narratives that I've bought into um subconsciously one of those narratives is that I am like a weedy nerd kid this the kid that I was when I was 12 years old and getting slightly but in school and getting grades and stuff, but, like, not really have anything, anything, uh, not being valuable as a human being beyond the fact that I was generating A -Stars in exams.
[6] That's like one side of it.
[7] There's another side, but I'd love to hear your take on, what's the other side?
[8] The other side is, um, if we're, if we're keeping it real, it's like, I think it's around masculinity and what it means to be a man. And if one, if one were to hypothetically read WikiHaw articles on how to get girls or even the vast literature on the topic, there is a big thing of women are attracted to men, like, you know, people who are, someone who is a man, someone who leads, someone who's like alpha, those sorts of, those sorts of things.
[9] And I think my kind of default way of being is very not that.
[10] And like my idea of fun is singing Disney songs and playing board games until 2 o 'clock in the morning with a pizza takeaway rather than something that are more like macho alpha type person person would be and so on the one hand there's that thing of just be yourself uh of be your authentic self etc etc and a girl will like that for he you are and on the other side it's the the thing of you will objectively get more success with women in inverted commas if you sort of are more of that alpha type personality here's the problem you have on that particular point before we move on because I'd love to hear what you're going on to say but it sounded like you were saying do I be myself and dance around listening to Disney even though it might return a lower quantity of smoking hot potential partners or the alternative to that is do I be a masculine guy and like act outside of self to generate more smoking hot partners The issue you have is you've got to zoom out and you've got to think about the outcome of both approaches and how sustainable both approaches are.
[11] All you can be is yourself for a long period of time.
[12] And if you want long -term results, that's the only option you have.
[13] Of course, you can act as something you're not and pretend you don't like Disney and not listen, play board games and stuff.
[14] And you might meet the wrong person for a short amount of time.
[15] And it will be a short amount of time because that relationship will capitulate the minute they find out who you actually are.
[16] And this is, there's, you know, yeah, this is, this is always, for me, the answer is, is you have to be yourself, you have no choice in that.
[17] You do have a choice in being able to kill some of those confidence issues, which might be self -sabotaging at key points in the relationship where it turns into insecurity and results in jealousy.
[18] And, you know, if you're coming into relationship thinking, why the fuck is this person with me?
[19] Yeah.
[20] The chance of you exhibiting jealous behavior and controlling behavior and manipulative behavior and insecure behavior and where are you?
[21] Why haven't you here?
[22] And why haven't you checked me back fast enough?
[23] And is high.
[24] And for me, that will put undue pressure on something that might have worked otherwise.
[25] So go ahead and work on the confidence issues.
[26] But never, ever dare change who you are.
[27] Like the things you intrinsic, do not change those.
[28] Do not try and act outside of those because that will lead to really short -term results and you don't actually want to be with anyone for 50 years that doesn't want to dance and listen to Disney movies with you.
[29] You don't actually want to.
[30] Society's telling you want smoking hot, but you don't actually want that.
[31] You won't return joy on that.
[32] You'll return status from walking in with a smoking hot model that has no brain, but you won't return joy in the long term.
[33] And that is the goal.
[34] That's the North Star.
[35] Does that make sense?
[36] It does.
[37] Yeah.
[38] Um, on the note of being yourself, the thing that, uh, the, the thing that I feel, I feel a contradiction is that on the one side, there's, there's kind of be yourself and on the other side, there's like, choose yourself.
[39] And what I, what I worry about is what if this person who I am, I either kind of nice guy who like, like, enjoys Disney and board games and stuff?
[40] That's a result of accidental experiences that I haven't really chosen for myself.
[41] and should I instead be thinking, okay, who's the sort of person I want to be?
[42] Although having said that, I don't want to be anyone who doesn't sing along Disney songs because they're just great.
[43] Yeah.
[44] And you sing along to Disney songs, not because you're now being forced, because you enjoy it.
[45] Yeah, it's just genuinely fun.
[46] It makes you feel good.
[47] I can love it.
[48] Yeah, it's so good.
[49] So that's part of the answer to a lot of the things we've discussed before, which is going in the direction of the things that make you feel good.
[50] Don't suppress things that make you feel good because then you'll feel shit.
[51] So if that makes you feel good, that is, as far as I'm talking, concerned, you've explored and exploited, as you say, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, and you've, for a pretty woman to be stood next to you.
[52] That's not, that, that, that, trust me, will not be enjoyment.
[53] That'll be, that'll be extrinsic approval.
[54] Right.
[55] Which is very different from internal fulfillment.
[56] So I would never disregard those things.
[57] However, you can, as I've done over the last year and half, say, do you know what?
[58] It, when I look at my values and who I, I actually want to be internally, my health, this is what I've done, is so foundational to everything.
[59] And I really managed to almost like hypnotize myself somehow into knowing that me being in good shape and me being someone that goes to the gym every day and prioritizes that my health is my first foundation is in line with my happiness.
[60] The change in my life, the thing that's put me in the best shape of my life ever was before, as I've said in this podcast, me working out was all about women.
[61] The The minute it became not about women, it stuck.
[62] Because, because, yeah, for so many reasons.
[63] I mean, I enjoyed the process and I removed wanting six -pack.
[64] And I basically don't have any gym goals now whatsoever.
[65] My goal is to go every day.
[66] It stuck.
[67] It became intrinsic.
[68] It was for me. And now I go every single day.
[69] And the minute we finish this conversation, my PT's waiting for me. And I went yesterday the day before or go the day tomorrow every day.
[70] Okay.
[71] I don't care.
[72] I'm not doing it for anyone else.
[73] So it sticks.
[74] Interesting.
[75] That's why your relationship will fail if you're with someone that you're with for external reasons.
[76] It won't stick.
[77] Okay.
[78] Yeah, this makes a lot of sense.
[79] Did you know that the Dario of a CEO now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[80] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life.
[81] And the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[82] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy Mobile's tablets, and along with the Dyer of a CO channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.
[83] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.