Jon Hamm (Fargo Week)

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert, bonus episode.

[1] Fargo Week.

[2] Fargo Week, chapter two, bonus episode, the one and only, the legendary, John Hamm.

[3] Of course, Madman, the town, bridesmaids, baby driver, Legion, losing the sky, Top Gun Maverick.

[4] My God, 30 Rock.

[5] 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Kimmy Schmidt.

[6] Oh, that's fun.

[7] Yeah, the morning show.

[8] Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[9] Anyways, but we are here, of course, to talk to him a lot about Fargo, which we couldn't be more obsessed with.

[10] Very fun interview.

[11] Very fun.

[12] Very special.

[13] So there's a scene.

[14] There's a scene in Fargo of John Hamm.

[15] Okay.

[16] And this song plays.

[17] Oh.

[18] It's so good, this scene with this song and that man. India.

[19] A little bit of a satire song.

[20] Did Linnea teach you about that?

[21] I don't know my friend's names I remember this.

[22] You don't remember this?

[23] Yes.

[24] That's a Billy Eilish.

[25] No, Britney Spears.

[26] Classic Britney Spears, toxic.

[27] It's toxic.

[28] Oh.

[29] Fuck.

[30] It's a really cool.

[31] cool version.

[32] It's such a good version and paired with what's going on in that scene.

[33] Oh my God, I had full body chills.

[34] Yes, the strings, the sitar.

[35] John Ham is exceptional in this.

[36] He is.

[37] I think it's the best work of his life.

[38] It's really incredible.

[39] Please enjoy John Ham.

[40] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[41] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts, or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[42] He's an I'm Shakespeare.

[43] Welcome.

[44] You have a coffee.

[45] Would you like me to bring you a new one to have on standby?

[46] Because we have this great ember mug.

[47] It'll keep it warm.

[48] Not sponsors.

[49] The ember?

[50] Let me fill one up for you.

[51] Let me fill one up for you.

[52] Why not?

[53] And then Monnie lives directly across the street.

[54] She's building the house across the street.

[55] Who?

[56] Me. Which street?

[57] This one right here.

[58] You know, where's that?

[59] Loughlin Park?

[60] Okay.

[61] So our other driveway exits in Loughlin Park.

[62] When I was looking for my house, I was looking in Loughlin Park and couldn't really find anything.

[63] Yeah, they come by few and far between.

[64] You wouldn't believe the story that ended up with her getting that one.

[65] So really quick, that one had like 15 bidders.

[66] Yeah.

[67] Then there was an auction.

[68] Then it went to a probate court.

[69] Then they were in literally in like a L .A. City court.

[70] Wow.

[71] at an auction for her to get that one, and she won the auction.

[72] It was really exciting.

[73] Was it, like, literally raise your hand to bid auction?

[74] Tell them this he grew up in two.

[75] I brought Kristen.

[76] And, you know, she wasn't buying it, but that scared everyone.

[77] She was involved in that bidding, and they got a sense, like, oh, this bitch is going to go.

[78] Well, they're like, oh, yeah, she'll just keep going and going.

[79] She's a very rich woman.

[80] This is amazing.

[81] It isn't saying that I'm not a spokesperson with this company because I'm obsessed with it, and I end up coming up non -stop.

[82] stop on the show.

[83] Because a lot of guests are genuinely like, why hasn't my coffee gotten cold?

[84] This is so lovely.

[85] And then I'm forced to explain.

[86] Yeah, like I said, my therapist has one of those and I'm constantly like distracted by it.

[87] When you're like anyway, you know, my mom and this and what's in that?

[88] How?

[89] How's that working?

[90] How does that work?

[91] Does it almost feel like he's texting because it's high tech?

[92] It's like he's distracted by a device.

[93] Yeah, exactly.

[94] Is it a male therapist?

[95] No, female.

[96] Oh, nice.

[97] I wonder, do people gender up?

[98] It's probably the same therapist that 100 % of all of your friends go to because she's right in the neighborhood.

[99] Okay.

[100] I see people I recognize coming and going all the time.

[101] Oh, it's like an audition.

[102] Totally.

[103] Can you hear them inside doing the same role?

[104] My mom died and I was, that's mine.

[105] Okay, so she's not yelling at that part.

[106] I was going to yell at that part.

[107] Maybe I shouldn't yell at that point.

[108] Have you had that moment where you're in an audition or you're sitting in the lobby and you hear someone in there and they're virtually doing what all your decisions were.

[109] You're like, fuck, I got to flip this.

[110] Now I got to completely turn it around.

[111] I got to go the opposite direction.

[112] I'm doing it all in Spanish.

[113] I had that once for stepbrothers.

[114] Adam, Scott, and Riggle and me were all in the waiting room to say it was Will and Adam McKay.

[115] I guess McKay was there.

[116] And I could hear Riggle going full Riggle in the room.

[117] I'm literally like he's going to break through the wall.

[118] He's the Kool -Aid man. He's such a big.

[119] choice guy.

[120] Yeah.

[121] And I'm like, I got to go 180 from that.

[122] I got to whisper it.

[123] I just whispered it and I did not get that part.

[124] I too audition for that role.

[125] And I'll say it's among a handful of times where I didn't get something and then I was mad.

[126] I haven't had very many of those though.

[127] Have you?

[128] Where I didn't get it.

[129] Where you didn't get it and you were like, damn.

[130] A bunch of times I've been like, it's probably not going to be that good a movie.

[131] And then it wasn't.

[132] That was one that was really good.

[133] I wish I was in it.

[134] Yes.

[135] Again, so this is one of the cases where it's like Adam Scott got it.

[136] I didn't No, Adams got all that well.

[137] I wasn't friends with him yet.

[138] Now I think he's like the greatest sweetheart.

[139] Adam's one of the first people I met in L .A. Oh, really?

[140] Yeah, ages ago.

[141] Because he's buddies with Rudd.

[142] They were in acting school together.

[143] Yeah, so he got that and I was resentful.

[144] And then I saw it.

[145] And I was like, oh, yeah.

[146] He's done it much better than I could have.

[147] And he deserves it.

[148] The other one I'll bore you with is James McAvoy was already in Wanted, but then he fell out because of a scheduling thing.

[149] And then they started reading people.

[150] And then I got to the finish line.

[151] They were negotiating a deal for me to being wanted.

[152] This is going to be the biggest opportunity in my career.

[153] And then he became available again.

[154] And then so I was out.

[155] And at that moment, I didn't know who James McAvoy was.

[156] Not a lot of people did.

[157] No. And then about four months later, I go and see Last King of Scotland.

[158] And I am having a transcendent experience watching this guy act like I was with Ewan McGregor and Trainspotter.

[159] To the point where I tell my girlfriend, I got to fucking write this guy's name down when the credits come up.

[160] I got to see everything he's done.

[161] And it comes up and it's this guy who I was hating.

[162] And I'm like, God bless.

[163] I would never hire me over this guy.

[164] I remember that movie coming out, seeing ads for it on like the NFL or something.

[165] And I'm like, are we supposed to know who.

[166] anybody in this other than Angelina Jolias.

[167] It was pitched as like, this is the next thing, and this guy's amazing, and it was directed by like Timor to Bangbuklau.

[168] And you're like, okay, I don't know who this is, but I'm being sold as it is somebody I should know.

[169] I was tracking it, of course, because it was like the thing that got away that I was convinced.

[170] Can you imagine you and wanted?

[171] At the time I could, but no, no, looking back, it seems preposterous.

[172] I can't imagine.

[173] I couldn't tell you what that movie's about.

[174] All I know is bullets, bullets could turn.

[175] You know what else had that?

[176] setup.

[177] Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I'm misremembering this, but it was a movie from the 80s starring Gene Simmons from Kiss.

[178] Yep.

[179] And maybe Mick Jagger?

[180] I remember it too.

[181] And there was some kind of thing where the bullets could turn around.

[182] He also maybe Gene Simmons had little like spider robots.

[183] Spider robots.

[184] What was that movie?

[185] Only we had a device that could tell us every single movie.

[186] An unanticipated aspect of this that we could completely geek out on forever is probably We've seen all those same insane movies of the early 80s, like Bronx Warriors, and all those gang movies.

[187] Because of Blockbuster and Early Cable.

[188] On TV.

[189] Did you guys have On and San Luis?

[190] Yeah, for sure.

[191] I don't know if we had it there, but I definitely had it somewhere.

[192] And there was it.

[193] The movie?

[194] No, there was on TV and then there was it.

[195] The competitor.

[196] I'm old enough to remember Channel Z from here.

[197] Oh, and how did that work?

[198] That was like a set top box with buttons, manual analog buttons.

[199] Yes, yes.

[200] Toggle switches.

[201] Yeah, and you could go to Channel Z, which was essentially somewhere between like a public access and a HBO kind of double duty.

[202] From what I remember, again, I was probably 10 or 11 when I came out here, and I was like, Channel Z. Wait, how did you come out here at 10?

[203] Yeah, that early?

[204] My mother's baby sister, my aunt Sue, had moved out here in the retail world.

[205] She worked for a company called J .W. Robins, which was an old department store out here.

[206] So she lived literally Three's company in Brintwood in a swinging singles, like apartment complex and my mom who was also single.

[207] Oh, like one of the ones on San Vicente, those kind of sexy.

[208] Where'd Rob go?

[209] Oh, he's fucking perving out over.

[210] Yeah, not too.

[211] Yeah, hello.

[212] Where is he?

[213] He's like up our house with a rubber nut.

[214] Not too far away from the Nicole Simpson house.

[215] But this would have been because my mom was still alive.

[216] So I was been like nine.

[217] It would have been like 1980.

[218] Were you completely blown away in an amber?

[219] I thought it was the coolest place I'd ever seen in my life.

[220] I remember they took me to Westwood, and there was a, I don't even, I think they still have this store somewhere, but a store called Fia Rucci, and it was like a punk, neon, new wave clothing store, and I was like, whoa, I can't, first of all, everything was so expensive.

[221] That shirt cost $12, like, there's no way.

[222] And it was like a thing with like Max Headroom on.

[223] Everything was made of plastic and polymer.

[224] And literally the neon glasses, everybody was an extra in a go -go's video.

[225] I was just like, are you kidding me?

[226] This place, this is real?

[227] And then the warehouse was the other place that I thought was super cool.

[228] Also clothing, but they were playing techno -e music.

[229] For sure.

[230] And it was like in a movie.

[231] Sarah Jessica Parker would have worked there in square pegs or something.

[232] Do we share a love for Valley Girl knit cage?

[233] 100%.

[234] A movie kind of holds up.

[235] Uh -huh.

[236] What about that soundtrack?

[237] That to me was like the gateway to all my new wave love.

[238] There's some deep little Easter egg in there.

[239] Oh, Katie Segal from Married with Children is in that movie, but only her name.

[240] They go to some rock and roll club, like Bordner's or somewhere.

[241] And it's like next Thursday, Katie Seagall.

[242] She's like a music act.

[243] Oh, no kidding.

[244] I remember seeing that recently.

[245] My wife had never seen that movie or something.

[246] We watch it and I was like, go back.

[247] It was in passing, like quickly.

[248] Obviously, she had like a rock and roll past.

[249] Oh, my God.

[250] that's so cool.

[251] She's the coolest.

[252] Have you met her in real life?

[253] I've met her in passing when her husband, maybe they're still married.

[254] I'm not sure.

[255] Kurt Sutter.

[256] When Sons of Anarchy was winning a lot of awards or going to award shows, that was around the same time I was going to award shows.

[257] So I got to meet her and she could not have been nicer.

[258] Oh, she's about as cool as they come.

[259] Totally tracks because if she was doing that in the 80s, you're like, you're probably pretty cool.

[260] Yes, but I guess growing up seeing her as Peg Bundy, it's such an archetype character cartoon to meet the real woman.

[261] Yeah, you get the sense.

[262] She was like a new wave chick.

[263] I never got married with children.

[264] I was always a bit of an eye roll for me because I was in the wrong era and age.

[265] And you kind of watch back, you go, oh, they were kind of doing a thing that I just didn't get.

[266] They were taking a big swing and they were winking just as much.

[267] And those people were all amazing.

[268] I just saw Christina because she was at the Emmys.

[269] It was really cool and amazing.

[270] And you go, wow, yeah, you've been working since you were a baby, a literal baby.

[271] Since we were children, yeah.

[272] Crazy.

[273] Yeah, you're right.

[274] I think because the narrative of that show at the time, was being positioned as Fox is being overly provocative to make a name for itself as a network.

[275] So then you heard that before you saw it and it tainted the well a bit.

[276] Yes, actually it's a great satire.

[277] The audience.

[278] Whoa.

[279] And then you go back and you go, it's kind of the same thing that all in the family was doing with the toilet flushing.

[280] It was just a different time.

[281] A thousand percent.

[282] And they're in on every joke.

[283] Totally.

[284] Okay, I want to just go back to, because this is one of the only times.

[285] this has happened to me. And it remains one of the great curiosities of my life.

[286] So I met you by way of Kimmel in real life.

[287] Okay.

[288] And I introduced myself to you.

[289] Where was this?

[290] A party?

[291] We need Dietz.

[292] I want to say it was like at a football watching.

[293] Yeah, I think it was at his house.

[294] But it also could have been at one of these night before parties.

[295] Because I also remember hanging out with you in Polar and Tina.

[296] But the point is, is when I introduced myself to you, you said, yeah, we've already met.

[297] We met at Kimmel's this other time.

[298] And I was like, that's truly not possible because I'm an enormous fan and I know for sure I'd remember meeting you.

[299] And simply didn't believe it.

[300] But in your defense, you had such details that seemed highly plausible that that was a conversation we would have had.

[301] That's always been this enormous mystery to me because, A, I kind of have a good memory.

[302] And B, I was just enamored with you at the time.

[303] I will say this about that.

[304] You're not the only person who has met me before Mad Men and did not know.

[305] it didn't compute that you met.

[306] Even your story, though, was post -Madman.

[307] Okay, then that's on you.

[308] It is on me, but I don't understand it.

[309] Have you had that experience yourself where you're like, well, there's no way I would have forgotten.

[310] Oh, for sure.

[311] You have.

[312] I've definitely had that thing of, I've had full -on deep conversations with people and then come back and like, oh, my God, it's so nice to meet you.

[313] And they're like, we talked it out.

[314] Some of that can be chucked up to being drunk, but some of that isn't.

[315] A lot of it is more, and you must have a version of this, and maybe this is a representation of that.

[316] But when you're going through our existence at a certain level of fame, you meet so many people.

[317] It's overload.

[318] And you're kind of on autopilot.

[319] And you're not taking it in in a truly present way.

[320] You're just kind of lip servicing it.

[321] I've never thought of this until you were just describing it.

[322] But I think the closest analogy for me is like playing slots at a casino.

[323] You might go through like 40 different machines.

[324] You'll never remember one of them.

[325] It's just like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, Dina Faye.

[326] Or a politician that's just going down the line.

[327] Hey, there you are.

[328] Look at you.

[329] How about that?

[330] Hey, all right.

[331] Good job.

[332] And you meet these people and you go, man, what a weird life.

[333] And then you kind of look in retrospect and you go, we live a pretty weird life too.

[334] Yeah.

[335] I'll chalk some of it up too as like deep insecurity.

[336] For sure.

[337] Fake it to you make it.

[338] This is all on my end.

[339] Act like it's normal for you.

[340] Act not that blown away.

[341] Don't expose yourself as not belonging at this party.

[342] Like a lot of mine is, I know rooted in just deep insecurity that I don't belong there.

[343] I think, too, if you experience all of it, there's not enough hours.

[344] in the day, really.

[345] You would never make it past the door of a party.

[346] You just go, like, too much, got to go, peace out.

[347] There's a certain part of it that's very self -protecting.

[348] You have to put some kind of armor up so you can make your way through the party.

[349] Yeah.

[350] I remember one of my first times I went to the Golden Globes.

[351] I was not famous.

[352] I was there on like a sponsorship exemption guest of a guest of a thing.

[353] And I just remember thinking like, everybody in here is super duper famous.

[354] How do they navigate it?

[355] I was literally an observer.

[356] Around that same time I had gotten to go to the night before the Academy Awards party.

[357] And again, auditioning for pilot season.

[358] All you've got going for you is you're tall and handsome at this point.

[359] Kind of it.

[360] And I somehow got a golden ticket to get into this party.

[361] And I knew that the gift bag would be awesome.

[362] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[363] You were getting a new HTC cell phone for sure.

[364] For sure.

[365] And I remember somebody going, excuse me, to get through a crowd and I went oh sure excuse me they came up behind me and it was Harrison Ford saying excuse me and as I stepped out of his way I stepped on somebody's foot I was like oh my God I'm so sorry and it was Tom Hanks oh wow and I spun around I was like oh my god I'm so sorry and I backed into somebody and it was Denzel Washington you were a pinball in the I was like oh my god I'm ruining Hollywood like I'm so sorry up and comer Jim Ham takes out three He left to get your name wrong in the store.

[366] Yeah, John Hamm with an H. But yeah, part of that is just, it's bonkers.

[367] Like, our life is bonkers.

[368] And I was just recently, or not so recently, last September, October, back home at my high school.

[369] And my high school has a crazy weird pedigree.

[370] It's in a tiny high school in St. Louis.

[371] But I went there.

[372] I taught there.

[373] I taught Ellie Kemper there.

[374] You know that story?

[375] No, but when she was in eighth grade, he was teaching her acting.

[376] Her sister was in eighth grade.

[377] But, yeah, she was 15, and she was awesome.

[378] I was like, wow, you're really good.

[379] You're super committed to this.

[380] And your girlfriend while you were there also was an actor.

[381] Sarah Clark did 24 forever and yada, yada, yada.

[382] Heather Golden Hirsch went there.

[383] No. By chance.

[384] I think she went to school with Ellie.

[385] So she must have been there.

[386] Oh, entirely possible.

[387] She might have gone to NYU or Princeton or wherever Ellie went, though.

[388] Could have been college.

[389] This is John Burroughs.

[390] Also, John Burroughs.

[391] Sam Altman, who created Open AI, chat GPT.

[392] Oh, my goodness.

[393] This is all to say that we had a hundred year anniversary of this school.

[394] It was founded in 1923.

[395] This was last year.

[396] And I went there.

[397] And after the best.

[398] big celebration, which I co -hosted with Ellie.

[399] There were probably 2 ,000 people there, and I probably took a selfie with every single one of them, to the point where I went to my good friend's house, his mom and dad's, his brothers were there, we were making pizzas at night, it was hilarious, drinking beers around the fireplace.

[400] They go, what was that?

[401] That was crazy, just constant.

[402] Like, these people know you.

[403] Like, these are half the people we went to high school with, and they're all just banana.

[404] I go, yeah, it's crazy.

[405] You get on that little screen and people go nuts for it.

[406] When you were at the Golden Globes, did you feel like I belong here?

[407] I'll be here one day on my own right?

[408] Absolutely not.

[409] I knew that it would be great if that would happen, but I certainly had no sense of anything that was inevitable.

[410] It was like, be cool one day to sit in that table.

[411] Not to mention when two of them and all the other attendant weirdness.

[412] I was just there again this last go round because I got nominated for Fargo and it was like, whoa, I forgot about this.

[413] Like this is so crazy.

[414] And I was sitting at a table with Todd Glass and Jim Gaff again and Siddakis and some of the Ted Lassow folks.

[415] And I was like, wow, this is crazy.

[416] I forgot.

[417] Yeah, you rediscover it.

[418] It's so compartmentalized and it's such a heightened experience that it just kind of lives in some bizarre space in your brain.

[419] Okay, I have done so much assuming about you over the years without any real reason.

[420] But from the second I met you, I felt like, oh, I think...

[421] The first time or the second time?

[422] Well, according to you, the second time, according to me, the first time.

[423] There's been so many things I've just kind of maybe projected onto you.

[424] But as I was learning about you as a human, your story leading up to all this, some of them were falling into place nicely.

[425] Like, oh, I think my hunch was a little bit correct.

[426] The overarching thing I think that I've always felt from you in our minimal interactions is I think we have a similar attachment to masculinity based on where we grew up.

[427] And I think not having a dad around in those formative years.

[428] Now, I didn't know that there wasn't a dad around in the formative years.

[429] There was one.

[430] Well, it depends when I define formative.

[431] I guess you're living with your mom just like I was like my parents got divorced at three years at two there's not a man in my house pat me on the back as I go to school or coming home from school and saying now I tell him well this guy pushed me what did your mom date guys while you were horrendous one was an ex baseball player the other was a six three triathlete they were all alpha they were fucking abusive and terrible and I hate men and I hate male energy and I'm going to fight everyone and I won't be dominated and you know yeah so much fucking baggage and then also trying to define myself for sure a male among boys and looking to them and just doing whatever they said work.

[432] And I don't know why, but I think from the second I have met you, and it's unfair to have projected that much under you, but I just feel like we shared this similar thing.

[433] And then really quick, just to fast forward, to find out that we both were here eating shit for so long, I also think cemented me in some weird way that I'm still recovering.

[434] I mean, it is weird.

[435] And part of it is, there was just a funny sketch from that Jacob Bellorty kid on SNL.

[436] He did a sketch where he was coming back to talk to an acting class.

[437] And they're like, so what do you do about auditions?

[438] And what's it like?

[439] He's like, what's an audition?

[440] Like, well, I just landed in L .A. And Selena Gomez saw me and wanted me to put in her video.

[441] You keep saying these words, I just don't know what they mean.

[442] I'm sorry.

[443] And it's funny because, yeah, sure, there is a version of that.

[444] And I remember there's so many audition stories, obviously.

[445] But one in particular was for a show, I think it was called like Rain, R -E -I -G -N.

[446] And it was on Fox, I want to say.

[447] And it was a little bit like swords and swashbuckling.

[448] And I'm like, my God, this is so nuts.

[449] Went way far down the line.

[450] Like, I might be the star of rain.

[451] This is so cool.

[452] Let's go.

[453] And it turned out a very unknown young up -and -coming actor named Heath Ledger got it.

[454] Oh, my God.

[455] And he was right off the boat from Australia.

[456] He was super young and handsome.

[457] But he got it.

[458] Whatever.

[459] Good for him.

[460] And that was one of those crazy things.

[461] But so many times passing through other people's orbits, like you said, you kind of go, oh, yeah, he probably should have gotten that part.

[462] It turns out he was pretty fucking good at what he did.

[463] Yeah, it turns out he was kind of a once -in -a -generation.

[464] Yeah.

[465] And we all know the end of that story, is sad and awful in its own way.

[466] But it was crazy and going through all of that.

[467] And I got so close.

[468] The people that I lost out to, John Favreau got a job.

[469] Which one?

[470] Not Armageddon, the other one?

[471] Deep impact.

[472] And I still, to this day, look at him and go, you know, you beat me out for an acting role.

[473] And he's like, yeah, I know.

[474] And even with Mad Men, it took forever for them to give me the part.

[475] Nobody wanted it except for one guy and me. Learning that today, I was wondering, And do you think you benefited from the fact that you really didn't believe you had a shot?

[476] You're like, this is definitely going to go to a known name.

[477] And do you think that ended up being helpful?

[478] I can't say that it was a better experience or worse other than I made it here somehow.

[479] So did you.

[480] Eventually, we got picked.

[481] Yeah.

[482] And thank God, because I knew it for a fact that I did not want to be a 40 -year -old.

[483] At that point, I didn't want to be a 30 -year -old.

[484] That was my cutoff.

[485] I was like, five years is enough time to figure out the marketplace.

[486] I don't want to be in my 30s, waiting tables, bartending, which I was doing up until I was 29, basically.

[487] I got here in 95.

[488] I was here for nine years and didn't get my first role until I was 28, turning 29, like right before my 29th birthday.

[489] And similarly, I went to a good college.

[490] I did great at that college.

[491] People I knew were buying speedboats and cabins and shit.

[492] And I was like, when do we throw in the towel?

[493] When do we stop being delusional?

[494] When has the market spoken?

[495] Yes.

[496] When are you going to accept reality?

[497] as it is presenting itself to you.

[498] And I found that incredibly demoralizing and hard.

[499] It's an eternity because, again, think about the fraction of your life.

[500] Sure, five years might not sound like a lot now, but at 25, that's a fifth of your life that you've experienced being an abject failure.

[501] I dealt with that by being hammered all the time and trying to get approval from ladies as much as humanly possible.

[502] Those are two tried and true, and they work so well.

[503] They really work for a while.

[504] They really work for a while.

[505] Well, part of it, I think, too, was, and I tell this to any of the kids that come out because I'm sort of de facto, especially from my high school, but also from college.

[506] Anybody that comes out here, I generally get an email or some, hey, can you talk to this kid or sit down with this guy or girl or whatever and tell them the ropes?

[507] I'm always like, there's no ropes.

[508] You know, it's just like come out and good luck.

[509] I tell people to buy a dependable car.

[510] Literally.

[511] Buy a car that works and get a job.

[512] Those two things.

[513] And this is all to say that, for me, bartending and working in restaurants, you're surrounded by fellow travelers.

[514] Everybody's kind of got an audition or a music gig or an improv show or something.

[515] And so you're at least surrounded by people that are trying to do it and who get it a little bit.

[516] Then there's always the older guy.

[517] You know, it's like party down.

[518] Look at party down and you go there, but for the grace of God.

[519] Every restaurant has the kind of Ken Marino guy in that show who's been at it for too long, dye in the hair and anything to still hold on to that youth that is gone.

[520] Did it nurturing you any bad?

[521] Like, I can give you an example.

[522] of this terrible quality I developed, which is I was so jealous of everybody that was making it that I became like an uber critic of everyone.

[523] I was the worst guy.

[524] If you were hammered with me and started talking about like these people that ultimately I idolized.

[525] For sure.

[526] Vince Vaughn.

[527] This guy, you know this about shit?

[528] I don't even know.

[529] Spreading rumors about this guy because obviously all that comes from being jealous and fear of your own thing.

[530] That's why the booze is a part of it.

[531] You don't know what you want until you see someone else get it.

[532] And then you go, I want that.

[533] And then if you happen to get it, you're like, I didn't really want this at all.

[534] I wanted my version of this, and it's not directly defined by anybody other than me. So, yes, of course, my entree into this world was Paul Rudd.

[535] And I knew him from back in the Midwest.

[536] He went to KU, and my girlfriend's older brother was his classmate at KU in 1988.

[537] Right when I got out here, 94, 95, around then, he was just going off to do Romeo and Juliet or something.

[538] He had already clue list, and he had already done the whole thing.

[539] We're like, whoa, this guy's made it, man. Yes.

[540] I wasn't jealous of him because he was a friend, and it was like, yeah, we're rooting for him.

[541] But it was kind of like, what's the secret sauce?

[542] Also a bad comp.

[543] Yes.

[544] Because let's also acknowledge Paul Rudd is a unicorn.

[545] He is an eternally youthful human that hasn't aged in 40 years.

[546] Yep.

[547] And I came out here and looked like I was 35 when I was 23.

[548] Right, right, right.

[549] So I came out here and it was like, Dawson's Creek.

[550] They're like, you could play the dad.

[551] I'm like, I'm 26 years old.

[552] What are me?

[553] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[554] I'm auditioning next to Harry Hamlin.

[555] I'm like, what?

[556] Right.

[557] How is this working?

[558] Yeah, it was really cool when you could buy beer at 18, but it got real uncool, probably, since you got to Hollywood.

[559] But then your look catches up to your age and somehow it works.

[560] Well, you kind of grow into yourself in a way, too.

[561] I think I was a late bloomer more than I wanted to admit.

[562] Well, for sure.

[563] When you talk about growing up and you're trying to define yourself against other people and you're not really focusing on defining yourself in regards to yourself.

[564] Yeah, I want to be Nick Cage and, Valley girl.

[565] For sure.

[566] I want to be Harrison Ford.

[567] I want to be Hans Solo.

[568] I want to be Don Johnson and Miami Vice.

[569] Those are the ones that I wanted to do.

[570] Oh, DJ and that's a good pin.

[571] Come on, man. I can feel it coming in the air tonight.

[572] Damn right, you can.

[573] You neglect defining yourself in your own terms.

[574] And it takes a minute.

[575] And part of it is getting the shit kicked out of you going in and going, man, why didn't I get that part?

[576] Yeah, I can sit at the bar and say, ah, this guy did that or this guy did that, but what really was it?

[577] I know.

[578] It's hard.

[579] Did you do everything you could?

[580] Or were you as prepared as you could be?

[581] Were you funny in a way that was relatable or were you just kind of blowing it off because you didn't really think you were going to do it?

[582] Or were you doing he self -sabotage it?

[583] Exactly.

[584] Or what this actor who you think you best resemble?

[585] You're kind of doing an impression.

[586] Yes.

[587] A thousand percent.

[588] And it takes a minute to go like, I owe myself the freedom to go.

[589] I'm going to do this.

[590] If they don't like it, cool.

[591] Okay, back to St. Louis.

[592] Did your mom have shitty boyfriends?

[593] I don't think so.

[594] So my parents got to work so.

[595] My mom died when I was 10.

[596] So I had a pretty limited.

[597] kid version of what my mom's life was.

[598] She would go out, maybe it was a date, maybe it was a work thing.

[599] I don't know, like I was seven or eight.

[600] I'm sure I was getting a very filtered version of what was going on.

[601] But I remember a couple guys coming around.

[602] They were kind of the 70s, you know, a lot of facial hair.

[603] Not Camaro types, but a little more of the like, hey, buddy, all right.

[604] I'm Elliot Gould somehow.

[605] Okay, I got you.

[606] Some corduroy.

[607] Yeah, a lot of elbow patches.

[608] Because my mom was a secretary.

[609] That's how she met my dad.

[610] At the family trucking company?

[611] No. My mom was a secretary at a radio station, KWK, and her boss was my dad's friend and ended up being my dad's best man at their wedding.

[612] Okay.

[613] So it was my dad's second wedding.

[614] His first wife died suddenly as well.

[615] Oh, my God.

[616] She had a brain aneurysm and dropped dead, leaving two kids behind my two half -sisters.

[617] My dad dealt with a lot of heavy shit.

[618] I imagine he's pretty young to have been a widow and then a widow.

[619] So he was born 33, so he would have got married in his late 30s to my mom and she was in her mid -20s.

[620] Okay.

[621] Having this very brief window of that life and then moving in with my dad after my mom died and my dad at that point was living with my grandmother.

[622] So we had three generations under one roof, which was challenging.

[623] Really quick.

[624] I can't imagine anything as destabilizing as losing your mom.

[625] Right.

[626] Especially when they're divorced.

[627] Right.

[628] So we were losing everything.

[629] Exactly.

[630] It's like a total erasing of your nose.

[631] own existence.

[632] In addition to that, you then moved to another town to join grandma and dad, right?

[633] It was still St. Louis.

[634] It was just another part of town.

[635] But I'm talking a new school, right?

[636] For sure.

[637] New school at 10, that could be its own dramatic.

[638] Well, and not for nothing.

[639] I was moving from people from St. Louis would know this, but there's a version of this in every town.

[640] So I was moving from the very white suburban part of town that my mom was living in to the very black urban part that my father's mother's house was in, because it used to be in a very fancy neighbor.

[641] Had white flight.

[642] White flight in the 60s.

[643] Kind of a Detroit -y first scenario.

[644] In fact, it looks so much.

[645] When I finally shot a movie in Detroit in 2020, I was like, oh, my God, this could be my neighborhood.

[646] Same.

[647] When I went to St. Louis, I was like, did I just drive eight hours and I'm somehow still in Detroit?

[648] And super duper similar in their aspect of the kind of working class and the segregation and the crazy racism.

[649] So I went to basically an all -black school for fifth and sixth grade.

[650] It was a gear shift for sure.

[651] I remember going to my first dance, my fifth grade dance, and the music was all R &B and George Clinton.

[652] I mean, I didn't not like it.

[653] I just didn't know it.

[654] So everybody was speaking a different language, especially in retrospect.

[655] It was a tremendous lesson of there are different perspectives in the world.

[656] I tell the story often, but I was walking home to my neighborhood with a friend of mine, a little black kid.

[657] We were 10 -11?

[658] And the cop stopped us.

[659] Where are you guys going?

[660] So I'm going home.

[661] He goes, what's going on?

[662] I go, I'm walking home.

[663] from school.

[664] Right.

[665] And he goes, all right, well, you guys get going.

[666] And make sure that you hadn't been taken hostage.

[667] And my friend goes, you talk to the police like that?

[668] Yeah.

[669] And I go, like what?

[670] What do you mean?

[671] And again, two completely different perspectives on how life works.

[672] And at the time, I was like, that's weird.

[673] Why wouldn't you talk to anybody like that?

[674] The guy was kind of being aggressive and shitty.

[675] Can I tell you that was kind of my breakthrough in accepting this notion of white privileges?

[676] Like, well, I grew up with a single mother and we were on welfare and there was violence in a day.

[677] so how privileged am I?

[678] But then I think about 10 years as a raging addict.

[679] I interacted with cops all the time.

[680] They never searched me. I wasn't polite at times.

[681] And I'm like, oh, yeah, I'd be in prison.

[682] With the addiction I had, I'd be in prison.

[683] That was the break of you.

[684] Stay tuned for more firearm -chair expert, if you dare.

[685] We've all been there.

[686] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fever.

[687] and strange rashes.

[688] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[689] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[690] Hey, listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[691] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[692] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[693] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[694] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[695] What's up, guys?

[696] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[697] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[698] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[699] And I don't mean just friends.

[700] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[701] The list goes on.

[702] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[703] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[704] Getting pulled over when you're half in the bag and the cop going, all right.

[705] Matt wrote it into Madman.

[706] My 11th birthday, my first one without my mom.

[707] My dad took me out.

[708] My dad struggled with booze a lot.

[709] Didn't really drink for the time I knew him, but anybody that knew him in the old days was like, Yeah.

[710] He was also six to about 300 pounds.

[711] So it took a lot.

[712] By the time I lived with him, he was diabetic.

[713] He had kind of quit booze, but this one night he took me out and got wasted.

[714] You don't have any where to put that as a kid.

[715] You just think, oh, they're being funny.

[716] Yeah.

[717] So he drove home.

[718] He gets the car, which was a 1976 Lincoln Town car, massive 25 foot.

[719] Yeah.

[720] Gunmetal gray.

[721] Seven miles a gallon.

[722] Driving this thing with one finger with a cocktail.

[723] in his hand, the window down, smoking a cigarette.

[724] God damn, let's go.

[725] Are you kidding me?

[726] And I didn't think anything weird about it until before he was going to turn into our neighborhood, he finished the drink and threw the glass out the window.

[727] Sure, because littering back then wasn't even a thing.

[728] You're contributing to the community.

[729] I literally had no concept of it.

[730] We got home fine, but then I looked back on it and go like, what the fuck?

[731] Yeah.

[732] Wow.

[733] And then we wrote it into Mad Men.

[734] How were you doing in that environment as far as like, What kind of kid were you prior to going to John Burroughs?

[735] Because that's got to be a much different experience than where you landed.

[736] I look back in my life as essentially being an only child.

[737] And I remember in a pre -internet era, almost pre -video game era.

[738] I mean, I had an Atari, but not until later in life.

[739] The way to entertain yourself was reading.

[740] So I had comic books.

[741] I had National Geographic.

[742] I had so much written word.

[743] And I would just read stories.

[744] My grandmother's house had a million books in it and a million.

[745] in National Geographic.

[746] Same with my grandparents.

[747] The grandparents in the 70s love National Geographic.

[748] And Readers Digest.

[749] In 60 Minutes.

[750] Yeah, it was bananas.

[751] You could grab a Reader's Digest.

[752] I was like, oh, I'll find some fun story in this.

[753] That's what I did.

[754] It was fun.

[755] I played a ton of sports.

[756] It was kind of free -range kid back then.

[757] He did football, baseball, and swimming in high school?

[758] Yeah, in high school.

[759] But before that, so I would come home, latchkey kid, my mom was around.

[760] I would go open the thing.

[761] My babysitter was an eighth grade boy.

[762] Oh, geez.

[763] This is not a great.

[764] 14, 14 -year -old kid who smoked weed and was like, you're good, right?

[765] Bye.

[766] And I was like, okay.

[767] And it was just, maybe you had this, but like the roving group of kids.

[768] So whatever season it was was the sport you played.

[769] Right.

[770] So if it was fall, it was like football.

[771] If it was springtime, it was baseball.

[772] Do your legs freeze over?

[773] Do you play hockey at all?

[774] No, I never played hockey.

[775] I'm a huge fan, but it was too expensive.

[776] Yeah, rich kids played because you needed ice time.

[777] You needed all the stuff, all the gear, which I never had.

[778] We played frozen driveway hockey.

[779] I lived on a lake, so I got to play on a lake for free.

[780] But, yeah, all the games.

[781] gear, the CCMs, and the bowers, all this shit.

[782] And you look at that stuff and you go, that was crazy expensive.

[783] Yes, yes.

[784] And my best friend was the oldest of four, well, two of my best friends were all brothers.

[785] There was gear everywhere.

[786] So you could kind of find something that sort of fit.

[787] You could work it out.

[788] But I just never learned how to skate.

[789] That's a big part of it.

[790] We all know how to run.

[791] We all know how to throw and catch, kind of.

[792] Skating is a whole different thing.

[793] The barrier to entry is pretty high.

[794] So anyways, we just played.

[795] That was it.

[796] And came back when the lights went on.

[797] And my mom would get home from work at 5 .30 and come home, we have dinner and watch TV and go to sleep and rinse repeat.

[798] So when I moved in with my dad, the school situation was different.

[799] I had no friends.

[800] Were you feeling lonely and lost?

[801] Yes, and yes.

[802] Did you develop any OCD stuff at that time?

[803] No, but I was in the gifted program, so I had a lot of intellectual things feeding me. And part of it was really just navigating losing my mom.

[804] Were you sharing any of that with your dad or friends?

[805] See, this is the thing I'm talking about being locked into the masculinity.

[806] Like, there was all this chaos happening in my house, but it felt so weak to bring that up.

[807] There was just no avenue down which you could drive that that was considered a thing.

[808] Therapy.

[809] What the hell was that?

[810] I literally was given a book the day my mom died that said what to do when a parent dies.

[811] Great.

[812] 180 pages from now, you're going to be all fixed.

[813] Sure, it was written with the best of intentions.

[814] But there was no connective follow.

[815] Like, nowadays, you'd be in therapy.

[816] This is how it works, and it doesn't mean your mom didn't love you.

[817] The abandonment is not a thing.

[818] You can talk it out and unravel that not that happens.

[819] I'm still working on that.

[820] I'm sure.

[821] Well, think about this.

[822] How many kids think they're responsible for their parents' divorce?

[823] I have to imagine in some bizarre 10 -year -old mind there's moments you think somehow you have played a role in this.

[824] I must have done something wrong.

[825] It's a funny thing.

[826] The lessons are myriad, but the real good lesson is that the world doesn't really care about you.

[827] It's not your fault.

[828] You know, I remember seeing Goodwill hunting, and when Matt Damon breaks down and row around the way I was to say, it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault.

[829] It's not, you didn't do anything.

[830] You're a little kid.

[831] It happened to you.

[832] So there's a big lesson in learning that and accepting that.

[833] By the way, when you saw that movie, did you find that that scene was hitting you in a kind of unexpected?

[834] I was a mess.

[835] A mess in the movie theater at the Beverly Center.

[836] I was literally like heaving, sobbing.

[837] And the girl I was with was like, are you okay?

[838] It's like, clearly not.

[839] We're going to have to call this one early because I'm going to have to go home and think about stuff.

[840] I got a journal a little bit tonight, I think.

[841] How did she die?

[842] It's really funny.

[843] I just read a thing on the Internet of a woman who was diagnosed with she had colon cancer is the short answer and read this story of this 35.

[844] My mom was 35 when she died.

[845] So she had it probably when she was in her early 30s.

[846] It was not discovered until it was way too late because you don't get a colonoscopy until you're 40 or 50.

[847] I got mine at 40.

[848] because I have history.

[849] That's the first time because one of my follow -up questions is my uncle and cousin both same thing.

[850] So I started getting colonoscopies at like 17.

[851] Oh, wow.

[852] So I was curious, have you been getting them like me?

[853] Well, I'm glad I got mine at 40 because there was stuff in there that they then removed.

[854] And it was like, okay, good.

[855] And I get them every two years or three years.

[856] I don't know the pandemic kind of flipped the script a little bit.

[857] But I'm due for one this year.

[858] I know that.

[859] We should go together.

[860] You know who goes together?

[861] Who?

[862] Oh.

[863] Lauren, Steve, and Marty Short.

[864] They all go and get their colonoscopies.

[865] Oh, that's great.

[866] Well, we should form one, maybe like me, you and Kimmel.

[867] I'm down.

[868] Day before is the worst.

[869] The during is amazing.

[870] Yeah, Versa -N -Menus of sleep you'll ever have.

[871] Versed, followed by Propofal, let's go.

[872] Propofal me, baby.

[873] And then you wake up and you fart for three hours.

[874] You're like, this is so fun.

[875] Can I tell you, my mother joined me at one of my ones here in L .A. Because I needed someone to drive me. Yeah, same thing.

[876] I wake up and the nurse rolls me on my side.

[877] She goes, you're going to feel the need to fart.

[878] And I go, no, I don't have to fart.

[879] And as I'm saying, I don't need to fart.

[880] a good 40 -second, longest of my life part.

[881] My mother is just one sheet away, sitting on a bed waiting for me. I hear her start laughing uncontrollably, and then my farts start react, because now I'm laughing, and my mother urinated on the fucking bed.

[882] She was out what a mess the shepherd's work.

[883] We fucked up the whole.

[884] You hit the whole, the trifecta.

[885] Sorry, you read the story.

[886] Yeah, I read back to the story.

[887] Oh, the story, there was a story about a woman who, same thing, had aggressive colonel.

[888] cancer and it metastasized and that she got exactly the thing that my mom got a big chunk of her colon removed she had a colostomy the whole thing and by the time they caught it though it had gone to her liver and her stomach and everything and the doctors were like that's it did she warn you no i was a kid i literally started seeing all of the adults in my life breakdown my grandfather who is like a navy man veteran greatest guy in the world weeping And I was like, well, this can't be good.

[889] Yeah.

[890] It was probably bad.

[891] And then at a certain point, they were like, you need to go in and say goodbye to your mom.

[892] And they pushed me into the room.

[893] And she looked like a skeleton, and it was clearly dying.

[894] And I was like, uh, what?

[895] Yeah.

[896] What do I do you supposed to say?

[897] Come up on the bed and she hugged me. I mean, she probably weighed under a hundred pounds.

[898] Yeah.

[899] And lost all her hair and everything, chemo, and everything.

[900] I was just like, I don't.

[901] It's so scary for a kid.

[902] Terrified.

[903] Yeah.

[904] It's like, go say goodbye to your mom.

[905] Like, well, okay, bye.

[906] I'll see you tomorrow.

[907] Oh, no, you won't.

[908] Oh, that, goodbye.

[909] They think you'll be sad, but really you're just scared.

[910] Scared.

[911] Terrified.

[912] Again, this is the 70s, man, or 80s.

[913] No one had the vocabulary to even talk about it.

[914] The idea of talking about it was like, what's that going to do?

[915] Yeah, the idea of even helping a child through it, they don't even know how to help themselves through it yet.

[916] There's no tools in existence.

[917] In retrospect, of course, you think, oh, man, I should have done this or that or really taking it in, but you don't.

[918] You're just a scared little kid, and you go, okay, bye.

[919] Yeah.

[920] And then cry or don't know.

[921] Don't cry.

[922] Did I not cry enough?

[923] I don't know.

[924] Yeah.

[925] All of it's difficult.

[926] All of it's challenging, especially when you don't have the vocabulary to even manage getting through it, much less understanding that if you don't deal with this stuff, it's going to really pay dividends down the line.

[927] I was going to ask, did you have a period of time where you had convinced yourself you were over all that and it wasn't affecting you?

[928] What I did really well is bury that motherfucker.

[929] Yeah.

[930] And keep it moving.

[931] And that's what it was.

[932] Pretty much for me, for like, the late 80s into the 90s.

[933] In high school, I was distracted with sports and girls and school.

[934] And all I wanted to do was achieve, and that was fine.

[935] That was a really good distraction.

[936] And as soon as I got in college, when I didn't have the framework or the schedule, it was like, look out.

[937] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[938] Here's where the misbehaving was going to do.

[939] Well, the fucking five years of floundering and losing faith in everything.

[940] So that was, I knew I was like, this is going to be rough.

[941] But then keeping it moving, keep it moving, get the next thing.

[942] It's almost the athlete thing.

[943] It's like if you played football and you have this play through the pain, ignore that, let's go, deal with that later.

[944] You're also pursuing things that reinforce that approach.

[945] And there's no goal line for acting, right?

[946] It's like, I just need to get an audition, okay, then the goalpost move.

[947] Well, I just need to get this.

[948] I just need to get that.

[949] I just need to get that.

[950] I want a series.

[951] Now I need a movie.

[952] Now I'm on a movie.

[953] I know I need to direct it.

[954] Anything.

[955] So finally, when you kind of sit down and you rest, which I did probably.

[956] third year of madman, you go, oh, man, where am I?

[957] I've been running for so long, where am I?

[958] Then you understand it's a deeper thing.

[959] And that's when you start talking to people that have the vocabulary to manage that.

[960] Do you have the same gratitude I have where it's like, I'm so glad I was given the cash in prizes so that I could find out it was like an internal job that had nothing to do with the cash.

[961] Because if I had not ever been given them, I would have died believing those were still going to fix it.

[962] Of course.

[963] Then you go, oh, that's all dumb.

[964] That's all super dumb.

[965] I'm so mad too.

[966] Like, wait a minute.

[967] The cab driver knew who I was.

[968] Why hasn't that fixed anything?

[969] This was my dream.

[970] It's impossible to say it if you've never been through it.

[971] I know, you can't bestow it onto friends.

[972] No one can understand it without going through it.

[973] That's the gratitude part, right?

[974] You go, thank God.

[975] I checked that box and I had that experience, therefore I know that it's ultimately meaningless.

[976] And just another thing.

[977] Do you have the thing?

[978] I mean, you have a lot of stuff.

[979] I have a lot of stuff.

[980] Yeah, it's hard not to collect shiny.

[981] things.

[982] But I go through and I give it all away.

[983] I do a lot of that.

[984] To know me is to have gotten many free shoes and pants and everything.

[985] Do you have friends that are your same shoe size?

[986] Because I don't.

[987] Well, I have friends who have made themselves.

[988] Fair enough.

[989] Yeah.

[990] That'll work.

[991] I have friends that used to be a 10 that are no total.

[992] I had the kind of sad thought on your behalf because your father then dies when you're 20.

[993] You're an orphan at 20.

[994] And I wonder, and again, this will potentially be something I will try to tell you that you too won't be able to internalize, as we just talked about.

[995] But have you felt that there was a certain emptiness to your successes?

[996] It's interesting.

[997] You can't share it.

[998] Right.

[999] The people that you most want to say, hey, look at me, I did it, are not there to do that for.

[1000] And I could feel like maybe your success would feel incomplete.

[1001] There's certainly a version of that, yes, where you go, man, wouldn't it be nice?

[1002] If I wish I could show them, look at what I. did.

[1003] I had a similar experience when I got married.

[1004] I got married this summer.

[1005] First time I've ever been married and it was congratulations.

[1006] Thank you.

[1007] Tremendous day, beautiful ceremony.

[1008] Took place at the last scene of madman.

[1009] Where I met my wife.

[1010] I did not know she would be my wife then.

[1011] I just remember being literally arrested by her presence and going, whoa.

[1012] And then life happened over the course of nine years and then we got married.

[1013] So my sisters were there, my aunts were there, but my mom and dad weren't.

[1014] I had this sort of vicarious thrill that my sisters and my aunts were kind of like really quelling and feeling this whole thing and I really felt it that they weren't there but they were there in the space so yes again it would have been nice but obviously that's what happens with life you know you don't get to pick yeah could you feel the emptiness though could you feel like as things were getting so incredibly good for you and you're winning Emmys and you're getting nominated and you're on the very best show that's maybe ever been on TV other than Sopranos.

[1015] Are you feeling like, where is that accompanying sensation?

[1016] Did you have a hard time internalizing it?

[1017] Or were you able to?

[1018] I think it was hard.

[1019] I know it was hard.

[1020] Part of it is that there's no playbook that is a crazy ride and you're going, oh my God, I'm hosting SNL and I'm doing this and I'm doing that and these are all kick -ass things.

[1021] But they're coming very fast too.

[1022] It comes so fast.

[1023] Like you get the show, the show's a hit, then the fire hose goes on.

[1024] Someone turns to the huge switch on And you can't drink from it.

[1025] You're fighting it off in a lot of ways.

[1026] So it takes a level of emotional maturity that I did not have.

[1027] I think I might have now because I'm much more aware of the ephemeralness of it.

[1028] Not that you need my validation, but the being in front of me right now feels very different than the being I'm at 10, 12 years ago.

[1029] I hope so.

[1030] The constriction maybe that I felt seems to be dissipated.

[1031] For sure.

[1032] Do you feel that in your body?

[1033] 100 % unraveled in the best possible way and comfortable.

[1034] Loose.

[1035] I had this experience, even in front of the camera when I'm doing my job, I'm like good.

[1036] Well, okay.

[1037] I'm like, I'm fine.

[1038] Whatever this is is going to be good.

[1039] And if we don't get it, we'll get it on take two.

[1040] And if we don't get on a take two, we'll get it on take three.

[1041] Whatever the fuck.

[1042] Right.

[1043] I was talking with Billy Crutup about that on morning show.

[1044] And I was like, have you hit that wall yet?

[1045] Because it's a good wall.

[1046] When you go, oh, right, I'm good at this.

[1047] Yes, I belong here.

[1048] I don't have to fucking strangle whole.

[1049] this anymore.

[1050] No, I don't have to death grip this thing.

[1051] Yeah.

[1052] It's so present in Roy Tillman.

[1053] I have to say, I've seen you in a lot of things, I've loved you in a lot of things.

[1054] This, to me, I was like, oh, God damn, John, I didn't know you could be this sensational.

[1055] It's very evident in Fargo.

[1056] I was gobsmacked with how good you are.

[1057] It's a very different version that I think people haven't seen me do that.

[1058] I haven't.

[1059] You're a great motherfucker.

[1060] Part of what I got to do every day was really make sure that I remembered that this guy loves being this guy.

[1061] You know what I mean?

[1062] That's a good on for us.

[1063] Like such a fan of himself.

[1064] Yeah.

[1065] In a sea of alphas, he's on top.

[1066] Don Draper loved being Don Draper, but at the core of him, he was Dick Whitman.

[1067] And so there was a real bifurcated life.

[1068] Impostery.

[1069] Imposter stuff.

[1070] Roy is Roy, man. And he loves it.

[1071] Yeah.

[1072] Yeah, you're so right.

[1073] When he gets to do a speech, it's like, you can tell he's nearly jacking off while he's hearing himself talk.

[1074] If not actually, it's emphonsidiculating.

[1075] And part of it was working with that tremendous cast, and part of it was really what Noah Hawley has done with all five seasons of that show.

[1076] And each one of them are tremendous and each one of them are radically different is really lean into the cinematicness that the Cohen brothers were always able to find, not just in Fargo and all their movies.

[1077] And there's little Easter eggs all over that show that are not just from Fargo, but hints into the Cohen.

[1078] The Cohen canon.

[1079] Yeah.

[1080] And so it's fun to be able to play with that, too.

[1081] If Noah called me to be in that world, I would feel fucking lucky.

[1082] I'd be like, I cannot believe I get to enter something I have loved for so long.

[1083] I got to meet Noah.

[1084] Probably how you feel coming on the show.

[1085] It's tremendous.

[1086] Yeah.

[1087] It's the same thing.

[1088] You find me that.

[1089] Exactly the same thing.

[1090] I got to meet Noah.

[1091] We were at the CIA holiday party or one of the things.

[1092] And it's a dog show.

[1093] I mean, it's just a million.

[1094] people there.

[1095] It's way too crowded.

[1096] They always put it in a small place, so it makes it feel more crowded, and you can't hear, it's too loud.

[1097] And I was sitting at the bar waiting to get a drink or something, and I turned to my right, and Snowa Hall, and he just won the Golden Globe for Fargo, maybe he's the Emmy.

[1098] And I go, hey, man, I've been wanting to meet you.

[1099] I'm a big fan of your work, and he goes, I'm a big fan of your work.

[1100] And I go, hey, cool, maybe we'll work together someday.

[1101] Maybe we will.

[1102] Let's go outside, and we'll have a drink.

[1103] I go, great.

[1104] So we talked for like 20 minutes at this party, and then I thought, okay, cool, I got to meet that guy.

[1105] Seems like a really cool guy.

[1106] Were you like us thunderstruck by his intelligence?

[1107] Pretty much.

[1108] He's smart and he's creative and he's funny and interesting.

[1109] And I thought that the first season outperformed even my expectations of it.

[1110] I'm like, there's no way this is going to be good.

[1111] And it was sensational.

[1112] And it was better than good.

[1113] Yeah.

[1114] And then the second season is a completely different show and equally interesting and cool.

[1115] And so when we got down to the fourth season with Rock and how they completely reinvented it.

[1116] And then our season, I'm like, my God, he's using split screens and cross -fills.

[1117] and all of these old Hollywood techniques that are so perfectly weird for this show.

[1118] I thought it was really cool.

[1119] And I was like, what a brave choice to lean into that and really think, okay, this is kind of an old -timey thing, but somehow it's going to work.

[1120] And that's kind of what the Coens do, too, these irises and all these weird old Hollywood techniques.

[1121] And you go, oh, yeah, it's just storytelling.

[1122] And the images that we get to play with, when you shoot up in Calgary, these massive wide shots and these tight close -ups of.

[1123] walking of crunchy snow and all the stuff that's just so fun i recommend this all the time but if you can get your hands on the dvd of miller's crossing barry sonnenfeld is on there as an extra explaining photographing a movie you do not need to go to school he gives you a master class in cinematography incredible guy i've known him for a long time oh you have yeah he's a really cool guy an amazing director of photography but also a very good director and he's taken all the things he would say this.

[1124] I'm not talking out of school.

[1125] He started in porn.

[1126] Oh, wonderful.

[1127] As a young camera man. He mastered the close -up, I'm sure.

[1128] He's got some stories, and you go, okay, well, there's only so much you can do when you're telling that story.

[1129] You guys must have bonded over that, because you were a set decorator and soft core porn.

[1130] Oh, wow.

[1131] I remember we need to touch on that for a second.

[1132] That was really when I was like, I don't think I can do this anymore.

[1133] Yeah, that's kind of a, we would 27 or 20, yeah.

[1134] And I remember getting up at 7 o 'clock in the morning and walking down to the corner.

[1135] And my friend was in Silver Lake, he was like an electrician on those.

[1136] And he goes, I'll drive you because I didn't have a car.

[1137] I didn't have a car.

[1138] And I'm like, what am I doing with my life?

[1139] I'm set dressing.

[1140] To this day, I could barely kind of tell you what my job was meant to be.

[1141] More silk flowing off of walls.

[1142] I was literally like, if they're looking at where the ashtray is, I'm pretty sure you guys are.

[1143] You're doing something wrong.

[1144] Something's up.

[1145] It's not on me. It's fine.

[1146] You taught before you came out here then.

[1147] So that would be extra hard if you left a job that I assume was fulfilling.

[1148] And then you're doing that.

[1149] Well, here's what I knew, because they asked if I wanted to come back to teach again.

[1150] And I was 24 years old.

[1151] And I was like, I do because I did really enjoy it.

[1152] But I knew that I could see how this was going to go.

[1153] And I was like, I'm going to come back for one more year.

[1154] And then I'm going to do that for one more year, 32.

[1155] times in a row.

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] And I'm going to retire in St. Louis, and I'm going to have a perfectly nice life.

[1158] And I'm going to have the two saddest words in the English language.

[1159] What if?

[1160] So I said, I would love to come back, but I think I just want to try.

[1161] And that was part of also why I said, if this isn't happening by 30, then I do have a backup plan.

[1162] Yeah.

[1163] And that was nice.

[1164] I could maybe go back and still do that.

[1165] Yeah.

[1166] Well, back to the Noah Hawley thing.

[1167] You start a pattern that I admire about you, which is you're coming off Mad Men.

[1168] Clearly, I didn't know that you had met Noah at the CA party, but you do a small thing on Legion.

[1169] You've done this a lot.

[1170] I imagine the stress post Mad Men had to be intense.

[1171] Not really.

[1172] It wasn't.

[1173] You weren't afraid.

[1174] Part of it was I said, okay, I did that.

[1175] And that was great.

[1176] And if I don't do anything else, you got that attitude.

[1177] That's healthy.

[1178] I really did.

[1179] I just want to point out a lot of people as the lead of an incredibly successful show would probably be unwilling to go do a three -episode arc on 30 Rock or a three -episode arc on Legion.

[1180] The way I looked at it was that it was all work and I love my job and I get to work with this crazy talented group of people and then I'll do an uncredited part in bridesmaids like, of course I want to work with Kristen Wigg and Maya and Paul Feig.

[1181] But to me what it said is you were humble enough to enter into these worlds that you were interested in in a way that was realistic.

[1182] What was clear to me is you really liked comedy.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] And you had just done Mad Man and it was like, you want to play now.

[1185] But you were humble enough and realistic to go, yeah, and the way I'm going to be able to do that initially is to go do this arc here and prove I've got chops and go here.

[1186] And I think a lot of people would have lacked that humility.

[1187] I definitely didn't want to be like, now I want to do a Will Ferrell movie and I want to be Will Ferrell.

[1188] Two -hander with Will Ferrell.

[1189] But a lot of dudes would have done that.

[1190] A hard pass.

[1191] That's why I wanted to be in.

[1192] stepbrothers.

[1193] I was like, this is the perfect role.

[1194] Wait, that was post -Madman?

[1195] It was during Madman.

[1196] During Madman.

[1197] I think.

[1198] But even so, you know, you go, what's going to be fun?

[1199] What am I going to take away and what am I going to enjoy about this process?

[1200] And that was doing the thing on Legion, which was a voiceover rule, because I had been doing voiceovers for some time.

[1201] And Noah was like, would you consider doing this?

[1202] I'm like, absolutely.

[1203] I love the show.

[1204] It's wildly ambitious and creative.

[1205] So I would love to be connected to it in some way.

[1206] You do Lucy in the sky, is that next with him?

[1207] Yeah, which was a script that he wasn't attached to, and I had read.

[1208] And I was like, this is pretty good.

[1209] It was meant to be Reese Witherspoon.

[1210] And she fell out for various reasons.

[1211] And then Noah came on and was like, I'm doing a page one rewrite.

[1212] And you're like, okay.

[1213] And it was the only time before or since that a page one rewrite made the movie a million times better.

[1214] I was like, wow, this is now very cool because he's smart.

[1215] And he brought a philosophical element into it.

[1216] And it wasn't just this sort of salacious story.

[1217] I wasn't very proud of it.

[1218] And I got to work with Natalie, who's amazing.

[1219] and everybody on that, Ellen Burstyn again.

[1220] So you go, all right, I'm in.

[1221] Jump in with both feet and let's see what happens.

[1222] And that was an exciting thing.

[1223] I go, man, look what he did.

[1224] He's got all these crazy camera moves and beautiful techniques to telling the story.

[1225] And I got to be an astronaut.

[1226] I was like, this is pretty fun.

[1227] So do you feel like you would have been able to be as good as you were in Fargo?

[1228] I guess did it help enormously that you and Noah already had a comfort level?

[1229] There was none of that kind of first day feeling each other out.

[1230] stuff.

[1231] You entered it with a pre -existing relationship.

[1232] That was helpful.

[1233] There's always that first day of school thing where you're just like, I'm doing everything wrong.

[1234] Part of it was feeling comfortable going like, oh, I'm free to fail and you can tell me, do less of that, do more of this.

[1235] Because if I was taking that big of a swing, it'd be very helpful to me that the director who brought me in, I already knew they thought I was good.

[1236] That insecurity wouldn't swell up of like, fuck.

[1237] I'm going to get fired.

[1238] Somebody's going to see dailies and go, this isn't working.

[1239] We need to cast somebody else.

[1240] Have you been fired?

[1241] Yeah.

[1242] Oh, yeah.

[1243] Me too.

[1244] From a table read.

[1245] What did you get fired from?

[1246] Oh, table read firing.

[1247] I've never had that, but boy, that's always been in the back of my mind.

[1248] Yeah, I didn't even think that was an option.

[1249] Oh, it's so is and people don't get that, especially with three camera stuff when you have to.

[1250] That's when I got fired from.

[1251] I did Will and Grace.

[1252] They virtually begged me to come on and I couldn't do it schedule -wise.

[1253] And finally, I'm like, yes, I love Sean Hayes.

[1254] I'm coming to do it.

[1255] I did table reading that I got a call, like, two days later from my agent.

[1256] And they were telling me all these really positive things, and all of a sudden occurred to me, why are they calling me to be so positive?

[1257] I'm like, I didn't get fired from that Hey, were you, did I?

[1258] Yes, you did, but the good news is they're still going to pay you.

[1259] That's not good news?

[1260] I don't need the money.

[1261] I want to be liked.

[1262] My wife's rich.

[1263] I don't need to do this.

[1264] I got fired from a pilot that they shot, and then they fired the female lead, who I was the love interest of.

[1265] And they were like, but we're not firing you.

[1266] We want to keep you.

[1267] I'm like, how?

[1268] If you fire her, then I have no reason for being.

[1269] Yeah, yeah, but we're going to blah, blah, blah.

[1270] They held me to the very last day of my eligibility.

[1271] I had to turn down another pilot, all this other stuff.

[1272] I missed three days of Adam Scott's wedding, all of this stuff.

[1273] And they said, yeah, they were firing you.

[1274] I was like, I had a feeling.

[1275] And it went to series.

[1276] I told what show was.

[1277] What did you get fired from?

[1278] Well, it ended up being called Breaking Bad.

[1279] Related.

[1280] Yeah.

[1281] Well, that's comforting.

[1282] Sisters when I did it.

[1283] It was about three sisters, and they fired Laura San Jacoma, who was the oldest.

[1284] Oh, boy, it's a brutal.

[1285] It was so brutal because they forced called her.

[1286] Every day on a pilot, shot 10 days.

[1287] You got murdered on that pilot.

[1288] And the thank you was also you're fired.

[1289] Oh, man, this is a fucking beat.

[1290] Rough sometimes.

[1291] Fucking Top Gun, dude.

[1292] I can't believe you're in Top Gun.

[1293] I have not been so horny for a movie in a decade.

[1294] I saw it three times that I miss. I've told the story before, but I just remember them saying like, so there's an ask.

[1295] They want you to do the new Top Gun.

[1296] I was like, so you said yes, right?

[1297] They're like, well, I go, no, no, no, no. What part of yes is not transnational?

[1298] late, like, well, the money's not, I go, it doesn't matter.

[1299] Take whatever offer is offered and say, thank you, and I'll be there, tan, and ready to go.

[1300] And they're like, but it's not.

[1301] I go, try to follow me here.

[1302] Like, if you fuck this up, you're fired.

[1303] I don't know what else to say.

[1304] All you have to know is that I saw that movie a hundred times when I was 15 in the movies.

[1305] I was in eighth grade.

[1306] I couldn't drive yet, but man, what, as soon as that, you know.

[1307] You know, that Jerry Breckheimer, Don Simpson thing came on the screen.

[1308] And that cord that they played.

[1309] Oh, yes.

[1310] Cut to the aircraft carrier.

[1311] I'm going to go, go, go.

[1312] I'm in.

[1313] I don't need anything else.

[1314] And the fact that this one was way better.

[1315] By the way, I wouldn't have thought that.

[1316] It's so much better.

[1317] It's so much better.

[1318] You watch the original.

[1319] There's a lot of stuff in there.

[1320] My nine -year -old fell in low with it.

[1321] And then we went and watched the original.

[1322] I was like, oh, my God.

[1323] In my mind, it holds such a spot.

[1324] But in objective reality, the new one is so.

[1325] So much better.

[1326] And also it took three years to do because we had to hold it for the pandemic and all this other stuff.

[1327] And there was a lot of reshoots.

[1328] Boy, he talked about a dude who stayed committed to his principles.

[1329] T .C. is talking about a unicorn.

[1330] There's not many, if any, like him.

[1331] I just watched the new Mission Impossible.

[1332] And I was like, are you kidding me?

[1333] The fucking jump.

[1334] Jump off the thing.

[1335] Like, you're a motorcycle guy.

[1336] Yes, I am.

[1337] So, you know, the scary part isn't the jump.

[1338] It's the part about 30 seconds before the jump when you're like, I better hit this thing.

[1339] perfectly in the right spot at the right everything or i'm dead and let's go beyond that that trailer played before a movie and my daughter said would you do that jump and i said i would do that jump but the difference between tom cruz and i is i would do it once what makes tom cruz tom cruz is he did that jump 10 fucking times he watched playback he's like i could have held onto the motorcycle a little longer i'm going again that's where he's another okay let me get the motorcycle from the bottom of the crevasse how many bikes do we have Semi -full fucking dirt.

[1340] Because the jump was so well publicized.

[1341] I knew that was coming.

[1342] But better than the jump, if you ride, he's doing tons of riding, talking on a phone, and doing real jumps.

[1343] That shit's actually more impressive.

[1344] I've met Tom, as I'm sure you have, over the course of this life.

[1345] And you look at him and you're like, man, you are just a movie star.

[1346] Yeah.

[1347] That's your job.

[1348] Maybe the best there's ever been.

[1349] And there's a lot of people who are movie stars, but it's not their job.

[1350] Right.

[1351] This guy's job is eating, sleeping, and dreaming movie stuff.

[1352] I heard someone tell a story where they were interviewing him and they asked him, oh, that shot out of the airplane where you're hanging out of the airplane.

[1353] Like, how did you think of that?

[1354] And he goes, ah, I wanted to make that shot for 10 years.

[1355] I came up with that idea.

[1356] And then when it came time, I had the safety crew there.

[1357] They said, you can't do that.

[1358] I fired that safety crew.

[1359] I brought in one that said I could.

[1360] But like, yeah, that's him.

[1361] He had been wanting to hang out of that airplane for 10 years.

[1362] And by the way, you look at it and you go, that is bananas.

[1363] That's a human being.

[1364] Yes, hanging out of an actual flying airplane.

[1365] The fact that he and Doug Lyman were going to go to space and make a movie.

[1366] And most likely, well.

[1367] I look at him and I go, all praised you.

[1368] I don't have what you have.

[1369] And I don't want it.

[1370] Yeah.

[1371] I can't imagine doing it.

[1372] I'm glad that you do it because I couldn't.

[1373] Right.

[1374] I watched, you know, obviously he's not flying an $80 million airplane that's the property of the Department of Defense.

[1375] He's in it, but he's not flying.

[1376] Even he admits that he's not taking off at 14 times.

[1377] He could?

[1378] For sure.

[1379] I guarantee you he could.

[1380] He has the skills in the case.

[1381] capability to do it.

[1382] But it's an $80 million plane.

[1383] The Department of Defense has rules.

[1384] Yeah.

[1385] But then you see when he comes off that aircraft carrier and the drop happens and his face is smushed back in his thing and you're like, oh shit, he's really in that thing.

[1386] And I believe that he's flying that thing.

[1387] Yes.

[1388] Did you see?

[1389] I think it was like All -American or something.

[1390] He had a movie called Air America.

[1391] It wasn't Air America.

[1392] That was with Downey and Mel Gibson.

[1393] That's a American -Made.

[1394] American -made.

[1395] Do you see that one?

[1396] No, but he's definitely flying.

[1397] He's going air -to -air, and he is flying the shit out of an airplane.

[1398] A hundred percent.

[1399] That's why he made that movie.

[1400] A thousand percent.

[1401] By the way, I did the same thing with chips.

[1402] I'm like, I want to do cool stunts on a motorcycle.

[1403] I want everyone to see.

[1404] They didn't go see it, but I still had to tell him this.

[1405] But I was watching that airplane moment.

[1406] I know when he's going through so much right now.

[1407] Yeah.

[1408] And by the way, the greatest part of working with him is that he is like, and you're invited.

[1409] Come on along, whatever it is.

[1410] Join my winning team.

[1411] He's like Tom Brady.

[1412] Exactly.

[1413] And then when they decided to hold that movie.

[1414] We all saw it in the summer of 2020.

[1415] Oh, wow.

[1416] So we all sat 15 seats away from each other with masks on with hand sanitizer.

[1417] Yeah.

[1418] And the movie ended, we were like, who do we tell?

[1419] Like, oh, fuck.

[1420] Yeah.

[1421] We can't really hug.

[1422] We can't really high five, but we're going to do it anyway.

[1423] And then we'll spray ourselves with disrespect him.

[1424] Two full years later, that movie comes out.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] And it's the biggest goddamn.

[1427] But, yeah, thank God he waited.

[1428] Yes, he kind of saved the film business.

[1429] Single -handedly.

[1430] premieres, it was down in San Diego, and it was probably half, either current or retired Navy.

[1431] And that is the screening you want to see that movie at when no one knows what this movie is.

[1432] That place was raucous.

[1433] Yeah, I'm surprised pistols weren't being fired.

[1434] It might as well have been, you know, like, what?

[1435] There were hats thrown.

[1436] Yeah.

[1437] It was insane.

[1438] And it was like, I think we might have a hit.

[1439] Yeah.

[1440] This one might be good.

[1441] Yeah, I saw it no one.

[1442] Oh, this is never leaving the theater.

[1443] It's just going to run and run and run.

[1444] Yeah, fuck, what a movie.

[1445] Stay tuned for more Armchair expert if you dare.

[1446] Okay, last couple things.

[1447] Back to Roy Tillman.

[1448] It's a hard role.

[1449] It's your id. It's like the shittiest, darkest part of yourself.

[1450] I've learned not to ever judge a character that you're playing, right?

[1451] So that's a big part of it.

[1452] We all know that he's a bad person.

[1453] But when you're playing him, you have to lean into the fact that he doesn't give a shit, and he thinks what he's doing is a hundred percent.

[1454] It's righteous.

[1455] He has the force, which a lot of true believers have, that he is led by a higher being and a deeper sense of commitment, and it is all right.

[1456] What's great about playing somebody like that is that he's not.

[1457] And when the hammer comes down, it comes down hard.

[1458] You're probably a sovereign citizen type guy.

[1459] And all of those guys, it all breaks down.

[1460] If you look at it too closely, you kind of go, you're neglecting this huge part of what your, argument is suggesting.

[1461] I think Noah did the most brilliant job of distilling it down to the most simple line of the whole show, which was said to you by Jennifer Jason Lee, which is like, so you want all of the freedom and none of the responsibility.

[1462] So you want to be a baby.

[1463] Yeah, there's only one person who gets that privilege in life, a baby.

[1464] Yeah.

[1465] So you want to be a baby.

[1466] How is that scene?

[1467] Do you remember shooting that scene?

[1468] Well, first of all, she's unbelievable.

[1469] And second of all, there was just a lot of dynamics going on in that scene, which were great to people that are very comfortable in their own skin and certain of their righteousness.

[1470] I do remember that day.

[1471] It was a fun day.

[1472] And Jennifer's wonderful.

[1473] It's a tremendous gift to be opposite her.

[1474] I've been a fan of her since fast times.

[1475] Yeah, what's our favorite?

[1476] Their drug addicts, their undercover cops.

[1477] Rush.

[1478] Rush.

[1479] Jason Patrick.

[1480] Jason Patrick and Jennifer.

[1481] God, were they beautiful?

[1482] Twin Jasons.

[1483] Yes.

[1484] T .J. How pumped were you when you saw that you were going to say the line?

[1485] If you're so smart, why are you so dead?

[1486] Fuck.

[1487] It's a funny thing, and Noah's talked about this, but there's a limit to what your intellectual superiority can achieve.

[1488] We still live in the law of the jungle at times.

[1489] Yeah, and they go, yeah, I'm smarter than you.

[1490] Well, great, good for you.

[1491] Because this is happening now.

[1492] Yeah.

[1493] And now you're dead.

[1494] And you're going to be in a hole and no one's going to find you.

[1495] You have been at the end of that.

[1496] It's scary.

[1497] It's so scary.

[1498] Yeah, because he's real.

[1499] Yeah, I'm sure that you've run into a certain element of the world in your travels.

[1500] I've bought a lot of drugs and I've.

[1501] There's a lot of times when you're like in a situation, you go, this can go sideways really fast and I should probably not be here.

[1502] I've only had a gun pulled on me a couple times and it's never not been everything immediately distills and whatever the brain chemical that is immediately.

[1503] flooding your brain for me is like get the fuck out of here right this is bad right you do not be here you get sober quick and you get out oh a couple times guns stink man guns are rough guns are rough they're terrifying and I grew up around them my uncles and cousins and everybody were all hunters we had guns in the house it was just a thing and I was like I don't like the potential of what this can do we were shot at when we were 18 in my town dude we had some road things going on with it pulled over on the side of the road we were walking up the porch and we're like what's this guy doing in his trunk he was about 200 feet away on the shoulder of the road was he getting out of his trunk is that a and then fired it at us and then fucking hit the brick i got shot out of my car i was driving heard this pung that was weird doing it run over something and i look over and there's a bullet hole in my front left quarter panel what year is this 91 92 st louis sure sure sure oh my god and i was like Oh, that's a 22.

[1504] That's what that was.

[1505] Right.

[1506] Six inches to the right and six inches higher, and I got shot in the head.

[1507] Yeah.

[1508] Life is, uh, it's precarious.

[1509] I'm jealous of several of your roles, I'm being honest.

[1510] There's several I would have liked to have played.

[1511] But if I had to say the thing I'm most jealous of of your entire career, is this 14 -year gig with Mercedes.

[1512] It's a good one.

[1513] You can hit the lotto in weird ways.

[1514] That is tremendous because it dovetails nicely with two things that I love.

[1515] love, money and cars.

[1516] Yes, that's my biggest...

[1517] It's a good part of the Venni.

[1518] It would be one thing to have gotten that job as the spokesperson for Hyundai.

[1519] Great gig, awesome.

[1520] All respect to everyone reading for Hyundai.

[1521] But I got one that I really, really like.

[1522] And I get to drive those cars.

[1523] And for the longest time, the tagline was the best or nothing.

[1524] And it's true.

[1525] I know.

[1526] You drive a Mercedes -Benz, and then you drive any other car, and you go, that's not a Mercedes -D.

[1527] here's what happened to me most of the shit that's in this driveway is all from Detroit I very much wanted a Cadillac CTSV wagon I had one for like a year on loan cool GM is so cool and it was really either between that and the E63 wagon that I ended up with and I had driven the CTSV a bunch and I love Cadillac and I love a chatelac I love a Cadillac I love a Cadillac I got in that fucking Mercedes and I was like oh yeah we're talking about two entirely different things it says a seven speed dual clutch trans that how about when you close the door and it just goes, fump.

[1528] It is, I hate to say it, man. They know what they're doing.

[1529] Yep.

[1530] Oh, my God.

[1531] This is not taking anything away from Cadillac.

[1532] It's a great car.

[1533] When I first had the wherewithal to buy a car, and I was like, maybe I want a Cadillac.

[1534] They just released those CRV, CTVs, wherever they were, that new kind of angular thing.

[1535] I was like, it's kind of cool looking.

[1536] They're fast.

[1537] It got a big V8 in them.

[1538] I'm like, yeah, man, this feeling like I want to drive some Detroit steel.

[1539] And it's a great car.

[1540] reliable in a way that fair and love and war, American cars were not for a fairly long chunk.

[1541] Yeah, 70 to about 92.

[1542] Yeah, I drove one of those.

[1543] I was like, damn, I like this.

[1544] And then I was kind of like fiddling with the buttons and everything.

[1545] I was like, it feels like a kind of a weird button.

[1546] And at the end of the day, I did not buy a candlelight.

[1547] Well, no, Mercedes will make you like car.

[1548] Like, I could have given a fuck about cars.

[1549] I had a Prius C. Yep.

[1550] And that was great for me. I would have been happy to have driven that forever.

[1551] Until.

[1552] And then I was gifted a Mercedes.

[1553] AMG.

[1554] I got her a C. Now I'm like, oh, I get it.

[1555] I get the car thing.

[1556] As Lisa Bonnet taught us, it's a different world.

[1557] She was my number one.

[1558] There's never been a more beautiful human on planet Earth.

[1559] And then I actually ran into her in person and was like, oh, my God, this does not break down.

[1560] No, it delivers.

[1561] How are you and Lenny Kravitz?

[1562] And then your daughter is the third most beautiful.

[1563] Yes.

[1564] In the world, you're all the most beautiful people.

[1565] I want to be at their Christmas morning.

[1566] Yeah, we were one time at a party.

[1567] She was there.

[1568] I just told her, like, you're my number one of all time.

[1569] And there was a dance floor.

[1570] And I said to Chris, I'm like, I would love to just dance with her.

[1571] Can I?

[1572] And she's like, you go crazy.

[1573] And I spent two hours dancing with her.

[1574] And I was like, oh, mama.

[1575] She ain't falling for you.

[1576] So you go for it.

[1577] She's a good shot.

[1578] Take as many shots as you would like.

[1579] Yeah, but the Mercedes thing, I have a couple friends that are also on Family Guy.

[1580] And this is one of these things.

[1581] It's like year 28, it just keeps going.

[1582] It's just the most beautiful safety net, isn't it?

[1583] It's an annuity.

[1584] It's great.

[1585] I also like it.

[1586] Yes.

[1587] I very much enjoyed doing it.

[1588] I did it yesterday.

[1589] Inevitably, you're talking to people that aren't in the room.

[1590] How are you doing in there?

[1591] And it's people you don't know or a new team on the account.

[1592] And you go, I'll do it a hundred times.

[1593] I don't care.

[1594] I love it.

[1595] Have you been invited to an F1 race as one of their guys?

[1596] I have.

[1597] I went to the one in Monaco.

[1598] You did.

[1599] And did you get like FaceTime with Lewis?

[1600] Did you get the full platinum package?

[1601] Yes, I did.

[1602] I don't care about flying planes, but I sure would like to drive one of those cars.

[1603] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1604] Down fours versus Lyft.

[1605] Talk about a different animal.

[1606] I love driving.

[1607] That's not driving.

[1608] That's something else.

[1609] And just to feel it once, they're not going to let me drive a $2 .4 million car.

[1610] Literally hit the accelerator and smash it into the thing.

[1611] That was fun.

[1612] Sorry.

[1613] Send me the bill.

[1614] Please don't send me the bill.

[1615] I don't think it's going to be a little.

[1616] Well, the budget of that team is $400 million.

[1617] So, yeah, I think 2 -4 is very light.

[1618] So I got to walk through the garage and the paddock and everything.

[1619] And I was like, oh, my God, this is a military operation.

[1620] It's NASA.

[1621] And it packs up into 12 big rigs and then drives to the next place and they unpack.

[1622] And it's one of 10 teams.

[1623] Yeah, they have the best aerodynamics in the world, better than the ones at NASA.

[1624] They can do real -time adjustments.

[1625] All the telemetrics and all the stuff go to Germany where there's a team of people crunching From the test lap, they'll go, okay, change the wing, and then 3D print this thing, and then screw that in there, and then do it, and they change it.

[1626] It's mind -bending.

[1627] Yes, the specificity and how meticulous and tedious every part of it is is mind -blown.

[1628] Yeah, when you get up close and you see the arrow, from TV, it looks impressive.

[1629] You get closer to, oh, there's 3 ,000 different little wings on this thing.

[1630] And I could pick up that car with my fingertips.

[1631] Yes.

[1632] Red Bull sent one over for me to have a viewing party, and it didn't have the motor in it.

[1633] And I did.

[1634] I picked it up to spin it around.

[1635] If it doesn't have the engine in it, it's nothing.

[1636] It's a piece of carbon fiber.

[1637] Oh, well, John, this was great.

[1638] I really appreciate you coming.

[1639] The last thing I want to say is I feel like we both have equal and matching enthusiasm about the sphere.

[1640] And again, I have no association with the sphere.

[1641] But I got to say, it's about the most mind -bending experience I've had off of this.

[1642] At some point, it looked over and was talking to somebody and being like, I wonder if this is better or worse or equal or different on drugs because I wasn't on drugs, but it felt like I kind of was.

[1643] I want to see this like three more times because I feel like I wasn't looking at the right spot at a certain point that I missed something and also the set that YouTube played was so good it felt like going to see a concert in the future a thousand percent I text a friend who had posted and I said if you were there on trums do you think your head would explode and he said I was on trumes my head didn't explode and now I'm just thinking like what the fuck was his experience I didn't know that they did this or had this.

[1644] They do have, like, a quiet room.

[1645] They do.

[1646] In the place to re -room.

[1647] I think more than one.

[1648] Hey, if you need a little moment.

[1649] I remember Golden Eye.

[1650] There was a video game.

[1651] I think it was on PlayStation or something.

[1652] It was a fully first -person shooter.

[1653] It was one of the first times.

[1654] And I got, like, seasick playing it.

[1655] Sure, sure, sure.

[1656] Because the screen was big enough, and it was HD, and I was like, this is too much for me. You need drama mean to play that game.

[1657] I definitely do.

[1658] Yeah.

[1659] And I felt like some people get a little too absorbed in it and need to take a little bit.

[1660] little break.

[1661] Coupled with the fact that many people are fucked up there.

[1662] There was a couple next to us.

[1663] That's why I missed half the shit.

[1664] There was two people that were clearly rolling on MDMA, and they were fucking making out in a way that you haven't even seen in the junior high dance.

[1665] I mean, I was like, these two are so weird.

[1666] Only two people at this concert.

[1667] I'm like, they're deviling going to fuck standing up, and I'm not going to miss that.

[1668] I don't care what happens to Bono.

[1669] These guys are Bono in pretty soon.

[1670] Oh, no, and going.

[1671] Oh, that you can leave behind.

[1672] You could say anything in that voice.

[1673] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1674] The streets have no day.

[1675] It is a beautiful day.

[1676] John, this was so fun.

[1677] I really appreciate you coming.

[1678] Yeah, we didn't like get nitty -gritty with Fargo, but we had Juno yesterday, and we had Noah, and we got very nitty -gritty on both those.

[1679] It's a whole Fargo week.

[1680] Yes.

[1681] I love a Fargo week.

[1682] There's a lot for those that haven't seen it that are listening.

[1683] Take a look.

[1684] It's enjoyable.

[1685] And for those that haven't seen the previous seasons of it, it's also pretty fun.

[1686] Yeah.

[1687] What's most important for people to know is like, you do not need to have seen any of it.

[1688] It's completely stand alone.

[1689] But I do believe if you watch this season five, you will be irresistibly drawn to see.

[1690] I was pleased to be enshrined in the pantheon of excellent bad guys that they have because Billy Bob's Lorne Malvo, which is a great name.

[1691] Is that the Jew was picking his teeth?

[1692] No, that was David Thulis's Vi -I -V -I -Varga, I think.

[1693] Wow, that was intense when he picked his teeth.

[1694] Super good, bad guys.

[1695] Yeah, where you're like, I don't like this.

[1696] I know.

[1697] Eating that weird pudding or whatever he was.

[1698] It's just so specific and weird.

[1699] Did you get any...

[1700] Well, yeah, you had scenes with him, the Swede.

[1701] An amazing actor named Sam Spruill.

[1702] And what's his real -life persona like?

[1703] Just a guy who's kind of talks like this, and he's like...

[1704] Oh, he's British.

[1705] Got two kids and I live there.

[1706] in London.

[1707] Oh my God.

[1708] And he's a great guy.

[1709] Another thing that Fargo does so well, it sort of really delves into the supernatural and picks out this thing.

[1710] He's been alive for 300 years.

[1711] But it works.

[1712] It's so weird.

[1713] It doesn't take you out.

[1714] It's so specific and weird.

[1715] And you go, yeah, maybe there is a guy whose job it is to absorb other people's sins.

[1716] And that's what keeps him alive throughout the millennia.

[1717] And you're like, ugh.

[1718] It's just terrifying.

[1719] I don't like that at all.

[1720] Another favorite line of that show this season was him going, I'm going out, mom.

[1721] Mom, I'm going out.

[1722] He's also going that a lady mom.

[1723] That is very endearing.

[1724] The humor is fucking off the charts.

[1725] Man, does he juggle a bunch of different tones and it all works.

[1726] Yeah.

[1727] And so do the Coens.

[1728] I mean, that's really what the shared DNA is, the radical humor in scary and weird moments.

[1729] You look through their whole canon of work.

[1730] You look at the Big Lebowski, which is a comedy on the face of it.

[1731] Its comedy is so sideways, you know, it comes out of hilarious characters.

[1732] Well, it's rooted in what, and this is not my saying, this is Todd Phillips.

[1733] I heard him in an interview and I was like, ah, he just nailed exactly what I think about comedy.

[1734] He said for him, if comedy's not dangerous, it's not funny.

[1735] I just think, like, I need to be a bit scared.

[1736] Yeah, there's a lot to say for that.

[1737] John, John, John.

[1738] We did it.

[1739] A neighbor, a friend, an incredible actor.

[1740] Easy's cute.

[1741] I've ever read, and I was still late.

[1742] don't you agree on the latest when I'm closest I think some of that is because I was going to ride my bike here and then I was like eh and do I really and then I had the dog and I was like I'll just be late but I did say I was going to be late you did and that's all we ask all right be well adore you can't wait to bump into you again we'll see you in the neighborhood bye bye stay tuned for the facts check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong It's kind of like that thing You and I've talked about in the past It shocks me you don't do this Because we're so similar But how I would stare in the mirror And embarrass myself Okay I did it the other day No!

[1743] How could you not update me on this?

[1744] I didn't stare I didn't stare but I was just like doing something gross Yeah, cool stuff And I then was like Oh this is sort of what he's talking about I do it all the time Okay great But because I'm by myself I live by myself, I'm single Yes, you're a single I don't really notice how often it's happening because I just live like that.

[1745] Right.

[1746] But I still do it a ton and I live with people because I'm never with anyone when I'm in the mirror.

[1747] I think you might notice it more when you're doing that because you aren't doing it with other people around in your house.

[1748] You're doing it when you have like stolen time.

[1749] My whole life is stolen time.

[1750] Sure.

[1751] But mostly it's just any time I'm in front of a mirror, I get this impulse to embarrass myself.

[1752] Yeah.

[1753] And so it was just happening where I was like.

[1754] like really enjoying how embarrassing I could be.

[1755] We just had a guest that's young and I had joked many times and I wanted to invite it over to their house for like wine night.

[1756] Yeah.

[1757] This whole fantasy I have about.

[1758] I don't know what they do, but anyways, I was gonna walk into this party if they do invite me and I was gonna walk in and go, Hollywood!

[1759] And I don't even know why.

[1760] I just know that would be like so embarrassing at my age.

[1761] Yeah, it would.

[1762] It would be, it really would be.

[1763] Taylor Swift.

[1764] Or my swifties as soon as I walk in.

[1765] Oh, God.

[1766] It's because it's like a little wrong, right?

[1767] That's why it's funny because it's, no. I'm not getting it, correct.

[1768] You're not getting it, right?

[1769] Of course.

[1770] But I like that feeling.

[1771] Of embarrassing yourself.

[1772] Yeah, yeah, a lot.

[1773] I'm so glad you're doing it.

[1774] What's your methodology?

[1775] Do you like look at yourself in the mirror and go like?

[1776] No, no, no, no, no. No, mine doesn't really happen in the mirror.

[1777] Oh.

[1778] I just.

[1779] You start moving in a weird way.

[1780] Yeah, like, well, move weird or like or I'll talk to myself and it's weird or like voices um can you do can you do a voice no I really need some no one will ever see it well you already have one that's how you that's how you that's how I knew about Xantham gum that's right Hollywood what's every my swifties oh I brought wine like I think wine is so I know you think It's so young.

[1781] I know.

[1782] It's so weird because wine...

[1783] Was an old people thing, but I do feel like young people, because Nina has a wine company.

[1784] Okay, it's all based on Nina?

[1785] Mostly probably.

[1786] Nina, don't breath, shout out.

[1787] You drink wine like a motherfucker.

[1788] I'm not young.

[1789] You are, and you were even younger when you were drinking your wine.

[1790] Okay.

[1791] I think young people do it to feel mature.

[1792] Actually, that is true.

[1793] Like, in college, we sometimes drink wine sometimes, and it was to be advanced.

[1794] That's right.

[1795] mature.

[1796] To be mature.

[1797] Now I am mature, so now it's just...

[1798] I just need this wine to get through the day.

[1799] That's right.

[1800] That's right.

[1801] And do you find that you're doing these weird activities more or less when you have a little buzz?

[1802] How does a buzz affect your like in the house routine?

[1803] Huh.

[1804] So I think mine got crazy.

[1805] That's a great question.

[1806] If I was getting like tipsy, I was just starting getting so silly by myself.

[1807] I'm sure it gets worse.

[1808] Yeah, I've never thought about that.

[1809] But I do it sober all the time too.

[1810] Yeah, same.

[1811] I feel like no one really even knows me. Isn't that how we all feel?

[1812] We're all waiting for someone to see us.

[1813] No, no, I don't want anyone to see.

[1814] Oh, okay.

[1815] I don't want anyone to see these parts.

[1816] You know what any, isn't the desire that someone would really know you?

[1817] Nope.

[1818] No way.

[1819] Too risky.

[1820] These parts of me are mine only.

[1821] Not nobody knows me. That's a joke.

[1822] There are parts that nobody has seen.

[1823] That is true.

[1824] Even Cali?

[1825] Yes.

[1826] So that saddens me as your best buddy.

[1827] Because what I love about Aaron and I is that we live in almost exclusively the zone that makes us embarrassed in the mirror.

[1828] And that's the great joy of the friendship is like us in the motorhome before the family got there.

[1829] Yeah.

[1830] How weird the songs we're singing are.

[1831] They're just insane.

[1832] Yeah.

[1833] And they're getting weir and weirder and weirder and weirder.

[1834] And we're getting weirder and weirder.

[1835] And I, feel so unconditionally loved that I'm at my, the version of myself I would most hide from people, I am like almost exclusively that way around Aaron.

[1836] And that's the big appeal of the friendship.

[1837] So I know how I feel having Aaron's unconditional love that way.

[1838] Yeah.

[1839] And so as your buddy, of course, I want you to do this weird stuff from me so that you would know like, oh yeah, zero impact.

[1840] In fact, liking more.

[1841] I know, but it's not about anyone liking me more or less and I do have unconditional love from her for sure.

[1842] I don't think it's at risk if I do that.

[1843] I just it's just for me. It's just for me. Yeah.

[1844] It's not that I feel like the friendship has anything to do with that.

[1845] Uh -huh.

[1846] That makes sense.

[1847] It's just for me. Some things are just for me in this life.

[1848] Still very much want to see them all.

[1849] I imagine you want to see them more now that you know that nobody can see them.

[1850] Probably, yeah.

[1851] Do you want to see all my weird mirror stuff?

[1852] Yeah, I think I have.

[1853] You see a lot.

[1854] Yeah.

[1855] I don't think you're as, guarded.

[1856] Yeah, with your mirror stuff.

[1857] Too late, I'm running out of time.

[1858] You know?

[1859] I don't say that.

[1860] Knock on wood.

[1861] No, no, no, no. Chuck, tap, chop.

[1862] I don't like that.

[1863] Okay.

[1864] I don't like that at all.

[1865] But if I can't, if I'm not going to be myself, if I don't do it now, like, we're running out of time.

[1866] But, okay, okay.

[1867] Here's the other thing.

[1868] It's not, it's not like the self you know is different than that self.

[1869] It's just that part's not in this relationship.

[1870] Does that make sense?

[1871] It's not like I'm actively holding it back.

[1872] Well, certainly you are.

[1873] No, I'm not.

[1874] Like if you had the impulse as walking through my living room to go like, ooh, like do something really fucking weird.

[1875] Yeah.

[1876] You would stop yourself.

[1877] Of course.

[1878] But I would never have that impulse.

[1879] Oh, it doesn't just hit you sometimes?

[1880] No, I would never have that impulse with anyone around.

[1881] Like, it's not something I'm like, oh, I'm going to be crazy.

[1882] I can't.

[1883] I can't keep a lid on it.

[1884] No. If it did hit me, I would do it.

[1885] Okay.

[1886] But it's never hit.

[1887] Yeah.

[1888] It's never hit.

[1889] It's different.

[1890] It's different.

[1891] It's different.

[1892] You don't hate embarrassment as much as me. For sure.

[1893] It's almost a kink of mine.

[1894] Yeah, you get off on it.

[1895] I like it a lot.

[1896] Yeah.

[1897] It's so embarrassing.

[1898] It's funny.

[1899] The only word I can come up with that explains it is it's so embarrassing.

[1900] It just gives me the giddy.

[1901] It's like you feel so naked.

[1902] Yeah.

[1903] And it's such a unique feeling.

[1904] Yes.

[1905] But I want to bring something up.

[1906] Okay.

[1907] I think we have a different relationship to embarrassment in the conventional sense.

[1908] of tripping and falling or having a booger on your face.

[1909] Parting on a guest.

[1910] Exactly.

[1911] But the true embarrassment in life is when you like feel stupid.

[1912] Like that's what it all is, right?

[1913] It's like when you feel stupid.

[1914] You don't feel stupid when you trip and fall.

[1915] You feel embarrassed.

[1916] Like you're like, oh my God, this.

[1917] I got caught.

[1918] I do.

[1919] My explanation is an older brother.

[1920] No, but you don't like feeling stupid intellectually.

[1921] You don't like it.

[1922] No, I don't.

[1923] I don't think you do well feeling like you are.

[1924] I get angry.

[1925] Exactly.

[1926] Yeah, not embarrassed.

[1927] But I think it's out of embarrassment.

[1928] You get that type of embarrassment, intellectual embarrassment.

[1929] You get angry just like I get sad, emotional.

[1930] Okay, so I do know what you're talking about.

[1931] And I can think of a specific moment where it was like I hated this feeling.

[1932] And it was when I was directing parenthood.

[1933] And I'd already directed a bunch.

[1934] So I felt confident as a director.

[1935] Yeah.

[1936] But, of course, it's a much different dynamic because you're appeasing the writers and the producers when you're directing a TV show.

[1937] You're not actually the boss as a director on a TV show.

[1938] And so this thing was happening in a scene.

[1939] And let's add, it's not like they know how good of a director I am or I am not.

[1940] And they're all there to help anytime one of the actors would direct an episode.

[1941] Yeah.

[1942] So it was like this little tiny thing.

[1943] that needed some figuring out, as always happens.

[1944] And I probably needed about five minutes to think about it, and I would have been delighted.

[1945] But people started coming, and I could feel that they thought they were bailing me out.

[1946] And I was getting this very panicked feeling that was really all -encompassing.

[1947] Like, oh, my God, no, I know what I'm doing.

[1948] Like, that was an embarrassment.

[1949] And it was all -consuming in a way, well, then it was a thing.

[1950] thing.

[1951] Then I really needed about 10 minutes to get away from everyone to figure out what I wanted to do with this thing.

[1952] It took over.

[1953] Yeah.

[1954] And I was like, oh my God, I'm melting down right now.

[1955] Yeah.

[1956] They've made me. I am feeling insecure because of their kindness, whatever.

[1957] And yeah, that got overwhelming.

[1958] That's kind of the last memory I have of that.

[1959] But it's funny.

[1960] I see, and Delta doesn't have it.

[1961] She has a different.

[1962] She has a different thing, which is something I don't Right.

[1963] Hers is never about a lack of competence.

[1964] That's not what she gets embarrassed about.

[1965] She gets embarrassed like when you repeat what she says or these certain things.

[1966] But it's she feels embarrassed for sure, which is why and she gets angry.

[1967] Yep.

[1968] That's her response.

[1969] But Lincoln's I always see the way Lincoln gets embarrassed is identical to how I do and I see how absolutely all consuming it is and how she can't think in it.

[1970] Yeah.

[1971] And it's always triggered by the same thing that triggers me, which is like someone thinks.

[1972] I'm incompetent.

[1973] That's never what Delta's is.

[1974] It's not really about competence.

[1975] Yeah, it's a weird.

[1976] It's such a powerful feeling.

[1977] It is.

[1978] It's so unique.

[1979] Yeah, I hate it.

[1980] Except when you're in your apartment.

[1981] I'm not embarrassed them.

[1982] Oh.

[1983] It's only embarrassing.

[1984] When you think about someone observing you doing it.

[1985] Like, I'm trying to think of a time I was embarrassed and I liked it.

[1986] A true sense of embarrassment.

[1987] So clearly you're literally never.

[1988] You're getting weird in your apartment.

[1989] Yeah, but I'm not embarrassed by it.

[1990] I know, but then it crosses your mind.

[1991] What if someone walked in right now and saw that?

[1992] And then you get the little shock.

[1993] Yeah, I'm just like, oh.

[1994] So you are by yourself and you get that shock of embarrassment.

[1995] Do you enjoy it then?

[1996] Well, I don't enjoy it.

[1997] I just think like, oh, God.

[1998] Like, I'm weird.

[1999] Yes, yes, yes.

[2000] And that's fine.

[2001] I don't feel like, oh, no, I'm weird.

[2002] It's just a reminder like, oh, yeah, I'm fucking weird.

[2003] The cornerstone on some of my really.

[2004] good friendships growing up were finding another boy who was willing to get so weird to make really weird faces.

[2005] I agree.

[2006] When I was young, I was a lot weirder.

[2007] Oh.

[2008] It was a lot more open with my weirdness.

[2009] Yeah.

[2010] My freak flag.

[2011] Yeah.

[2012] It's very sad that we all.

[2013] I know.

[2014] It gets extinguished a bit.

[2015] Cole and Garlach was the kid who he and I would sit.

[2016] What a name.

[2017] I know.

[2018] Now he goes by Cole.

[2019] I should call him Cole.

[2020] But when this story takes place, he was calling.

[2021] In fact, he had an elementary school teacher, tell him that's not your name.

[2022] Your name is Colin.

[2023] Oh, no. But he and I would get in the back of his trailer, and we would just make faces and weird noises, and we would freak out together.

[2024] It was so comforting.

[2025] Yeah.

[2026] I was so hyper.

[2027] And with hyperactivity comes weirdness.

[2028] Yes.

[2029] And I'm not hyper anymore.

[2030] That's what the other day, or maybe when I thought of it yesterday, we're at, whenever this happened.

[2031] I was feeling a little bit hyper.

[2032] Right.

[2033] I've seen you hyper several times.

[2034] I like it.

[2035] I miss that feeling.

[2036] I used to be so hyper and I was so fun when I was hyper.

[2037] Right.

[2038] Playful, playful.

[2039] I was very playful.

[2040] Have you seen?

[2041] So Lincoln and I have the friendship that Colin and I had.

[2042] Have you ever seen it?

[2043] Like we'll start making faces at each other and it can go on for 20 minutes and we're making the ugliest face.

[2044] We're trying to make the ugliest sounds and faces and we do it together and it's so fun.

[2045] It does bring me back.

[2046] That is nice.

[2047] To a simpler time.

[2048] Sometimes Delta, Delta gets very hyper.

[2049] Oh, God, yeah.

[2050] And I really understand it when she's in that space.

[2051] I remember it so viscerally.

[2052] Remember I used to lick my grandma?

[2053] Yes.

[2054] Yeah.

[2055] Because I was so hyper.

[2056] You lick her everywhere.

[2057] I did.

[2058] I need to get energy out.

[2059] I need to get freaky with you.

[2060] Remembering that song?

[2061] No. Who is it?

[2062] It's like JJ and Jojo Oh, Casey and Jojo?

[2063] Something like that.

[2064] I love Casey and JoJo.

[2065] I want to get freaky with you.

[2066] Rob will find it right now.

[2067] Go ahead and find it.

[2068] So easy to find.

[2069] Silk.

[2070] Freak me. No. Because tonight, baby, I want to get freaky with you?

[2071] They hit play.

[2072] Let's see.

[2073] Yeah, I guess I hear the chorus, but I know the song.

[2074] I love when guys sing from the bottom of them.

[2075] I want to get freaky.

[2076] Like they're declaring the deepest recess of love.

[2077] Yeah.

[2078] Yeah, that's really true.

[2079] I'm gonna get free.

[2080] He's almost crying.

[2081] Yeah, he was.

[2082] He was on the video too.

[2083] It's so emotional.

[2084] I've never heard it.

[2085] Oh, you haven't?

[2086] That was brand new for me. Silk, 1992.

[2087] Boom.

[2088] Well, okay, so here we are again, day two Fargo week.

[2089] Yay.

[2090] This to me rounded out the week beautifully.

[2091] I'm so glad we ended up getting him.

[2092] Me too.

[2093] Good job.

[2094] You did that.

[2095] Oh, thank you.

[2096] Well, let's be honest.

[2097] Jimmy Kimmel did that.

[2098] Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel.

[2099] You fucking best friend in the world.

[2100] Yeah, good boy.

[2101] Good boy.

[2102] Jimmy Kimmel, best boy ever.

[2103] Jimmy Kimmel, comma, best boy ever.

[2104] Best Boy Award this year goes to.

[2105] There should be a Best Boy's Award.

[2106] Okay, let's give him out.

[2107] Okay.

[2108] Jimmy Kimmel.

[2109] Well, he's a best boy.

[2110] Yeah, he's the best.

[2111] Mack.

[2112] Mac is the best boy.

[2113] Bill be.

[2114] Mac the dog Yeah, Bilby He's always the best part Okay, let's give out Five Best Boy Awards Okay Jimmy Kimmel Billby I mean Oh my God He's passed You can't You can't It's not my fault He passed You gotta respect him He's passed You can make them Mistake while he's living But not when he's passed Okay Mac the dog is number two Right So I've thrown out two You gotta throw over Okay I think best boy award Goes to Tony Hale Oh, very good pick for Best Boy Award.

[2115] And we have two more slots.

[2116] Rob, do you want to pick one?

[2117] It doesn't have to be a friend of the pot.

[2118] Well, because Mac is not a friend of the...

[2119] I mean, he is.

[2120] He's the heart and soul of this pot.

[2121] You almost fired me for saying that.

[2122] Max.

[2123] What a pedestrian name.

[2124] Hey, hey, hey.

[2125] I'm teasing.

[2126] Like, Mac is so elevated.

[2127] And also, it rhymes with your name.

[2128] Yeah, and your sister's husband.

[2129] That's right.

[2130] sister husband what if rob was typing in best boy i know i could totally see who is the best boy actually type in who is the best boy and see he can't use one but i am curious what the internet i was gonna say nicholas holt oh interesting it's very revealing who we pick as best boys yes it is um best boy or just getting a job description oh right that's the name that's the title on a movie set ding ding ding dang dang john ham has been in movies Perfect integration Rami, I'll change mine to Rami Rami, I'll change mine to Rami, I'm sure.

[2131] Okay.

[2132] Rami is definitely a best boy.

[2133] Sorry, Nicholas Holt.

[2134] I love Nicholas Holt.

[2135] He's just too tall.

[2136] He's too tall to be a best boy, I think.

[2137] He's too sexual.

[2138] He's very sexy.

[2139] Not that Tony Hill's not sexy or Jimmy, but yeah, I agree.

[2140] Nicholas Holt.

[2141] There's too much hunger.

[2142] Nicholas Holt is.

[2143] Sexy.

[2144] Yeah, but he's not, he can.

[2145] Oh my God, I'm confused.

[2146] I agree with that much more than I thought.

[2147] I got confused.

[2148] Nick Braun, you were thinking?

[2149] I was.

[2150] I'm like, that's a weird pick for best boy.

[2151] That's a weird pick.

[2152] Nicholas Holt's a weird pick.

[2153] He's like a sexy model.

[2154] I know, but he's so nice and kind of like.

[2155] Yeah, that's kind of like shockingly.

[2156] Oh, really?

[2157] Yeah.

[2158] He's a freak you think.

[2159] He dated Jennifer Lawrence.

[2160] I want to get freaky with you.

[2161] Yeah.

[2162] You want more of like a Daniel Ricardo type.

[2163] Danny's not the best boy.

[2164] He's such a, he's a rascal.

[2165] He's a rascal.

[2166] But he is a best boy, too.

[2167] Well, we love him.

[2168] Okay, let's be, just because you're not the best boy doesn't mean we don't love you so much.

[2169] I might love you more than I love the best boys.

[2170] But not more than Jimmy.

[2171] We love him the most.

[2172] Okay, I love Jimmy the most and he's the best boy.

[2173] Yeah.

[2174] But he's the only one I love the most and is the best.

[2175] We need to get something made.

[2176] Rob, you're great at this.

[2177] I hate to delegate this.

[2178] Yeah, but he's, you know, he gives so many presents and he's so good at.

[2179] We should make.

[2180] Kim a Best Boy Award.

[2181] Oh my God.

[2182] That would be great.

[2183] Do you become a Best Boy Award?

[2184] Speaking of you have to work on that chart about.

[2185] I've already.

[2186] I've got all the data.

[2187] I just need to figure out now.

[2188] It needs to be like a wheel with colors.

[2189] Okay, anyway, we have one left.

[2190] I like Rami.

[2191] That's a really good one.

[2192] Yeah.

[2193] I definitely agree with Rami.

[2194] Now we have to all agree on the last one.

[2195] That was Rami Youssef for people who.

[2196] are trying to keep up to People that have seen any movies Yeah Although can I I want to sorry I'm poking a hole and Rami Okay I love him I think he's I I don't know how to play this game Because it feels like I'm gonna insult someone Yeah Yep This is the nature of award shows There's more losers And there are winners Well no I like I might insult the best boys By saying what I'm about to say Okay It's kind of what I just said about Nicholas Hull.

[2197] Like he's too sexy to be a best boy.

[2198] That's like not nice to the best boy.

[2199] Kimmel is hot.

[2200] Yeah, he is.

[2201] He's a sex machine.

[2202] Make him that a word too.

[2203] Sex machine.

[2204] I think Rami's too...

[2205] Intellectual?

[2206] Yeah.

[2207] Oh, boy.

[2208] I think that's a tricky metric to introduce to it.

[2209] Best boy is a vibe.

[2210] But yes, but don't be how.

[2211] There's something.

[2212] Like, there's something.

[2213] But Jimmy's not innocent, and yet he is the ultimate best boy.

[2214] He's not innocent, but he's like.

[2215] Endlessly, kind, thoughtful, pure.

[2216] He's, he's not pure.

[2217] But he's, there's a kindness to him.

[2218] I would put Rob in the category for best boy.

[2219] Oh, wow.

[2220] I would, yeah, yeah.

[2221] Oh, my God, you know who the ultimate best boy is?

[2222] Matt Collins.

[2223] He's such a best boy.

[2224] Matt's a best boy.

[2225] 100%.

[2226] Like Josh Hutcherson?

[2227] Yeah, he's a best boy.

[2228] But Josh is.

[2229] Freaky too.

[2230] All right.

[2231] So we have Jimmy number one.

[2232] Dog.

[2233] Bilby.

[2234] Number two.

[2235] Who would I say?

[2236] Rami You said, oh, Tony Hale.

[2237] Tony Hale, Rami, and Matt Collins.

[2238] Wow, what a group.

[2239] What an all -star cast.

[2240] And honorable mention, Rob.

[2241] But he can't be because he has to vote also.

[2242] He's part of the voting committee.

[2243] You can't vote for yourself.

[2244] Okay.

[2245] It's part of the rules.

[2246] That makes sense.

[2247] Okay, now who are the best girls?

[2248] It's harder to do, don't you think?

[2249] Well, Lincoln's a best girl for sure.

[2250] We can't do family members.

[2251] It's not only Mac.

[2252] Okay.

[2253] It's harder to do with the girl.

[2254] General Orta.

[2255] Well, because it's implicitly harder with girls because the category is best boys.

[2256] So that or right out of the gates makes it a little chance.

[2257] Amy's a best boy.

[2258] Yes.

[2259] Amy's a big time best boy.

[2260] Amy is a best boy.

[2261] Okay.

[2262] The top.

[2263] Five women who are best boys.

[2264] Amy Hansen.

[2265] That's the category.

[2266] She's like the Kimmel of the category.

[2267] She's number one.

[2268] Uh -huh.

[2269] You guys don't know well enough.

[2270] Allison Kirksey is a best boy.

[2271] Allison Anthony's wife is 100 % a best boy.

[2272] Oh, that's nice.

[2273] She's so, her and Amy are kindreds.

[2274] Amy Hanson.

[2275] Allison Kirksey, Lombardo.

[2276] There's a couple of people that you don't know that I know through Kristen that are big -time best boys.

[2277] Peachy.

[2278] Oh, I. Have you met peach?

[2279] Yes.

[2280] She's a big time best boy.

[2281] She's a best boy.

[2282] I think she listens, so shout out.

[2283] Yeah, Peachy is a major best boy.

[2284] And I would say that you might think she's too horny, which is a good complaint.

[2285] But, um, um, uh, Angela Gramalius, Angie.

[2286] Angie is an incredible best boy.

[2287] I love her.

[2288] I love her so much, but no way, no way.

[2289] Who are people that people would know?

[2290] Right, because they don't know peachy.

[2291] They don't know peachy.

[2292] Or, Allison, or Amy.

[2293] Ang is not a high kid.

[2294] I can't sign off.

[2295] Okay.

[2296] She's awesome.

[2297] I love her.

[2298] She's so sweet, that little voice.

[2299] She has the sweetest voice of any person I've ever heard.

[2300] Yeah.

[2301] Should we call her?

[2302] She can hear her voice.

[2303] Mika Kelly?

[2304] No. Okay.

[2305] We need one more?

[2306] No, two.

[2307] We need five more.

[2308] No, okay.

[2309] Four more.

[2310] We got a table.

[2311] Well, we have all the time in the world.

[2312] Okay, okay.

[2313] Okay.

[2314] Who have we had on who's a best girl?

[2315] We definitely have.

[2316] Best boys are a little, a little.

[2317] Humple pump.

[2318] Hufflepuff.

[2319] Yeah, like pretty much everyone in the best boys are Hufflepuffs.

[2320] Except for Kimmel.

[2321] He's definitely.

[2322] This is like who's on furze.

[2323] Kimmel's a Hufflepuff?

[2324] No. I think so.

[2325] No, he's a huffel puff.

[2326] He's granted.

[2327] You are not.

[2328] You're slithering.

[2329] Exactly.

[2330] You're slittlerin.

[2331] A hundred percent, I just remembered.

[2332] Rob is definitely not a best boy because he's so rascally.

[2333] He would never qualify.

[2334] He's so sweet, though.

[2335] It's incredible.

[2336] Doesn't matter.

[2337] That's a veneer.

[2338] And underneath there's rascality.

[2339] No, I would go the opposite.

[2340] I would say because he had to be a boy, he had to carve out some rascoliness to survive in Chicago.

[2341] But really, he's a best boy.

[2342] that's not how it works it's not what's underneath it's okay it's what we see okay it's my shield it's your shield which if you have a shield you can't be a best boy Mandy Moore oh that's a good one really good loved Mandy yep big time best boy okay you want to be done with this man what no I would just Oh, that was a fun exercise.

[2343] That was a very fun exercise.

[2344] But remember when Jedediah was on talking about that, a lot of gay men have best boy syndrome?

[2345] Yes.

[2346] So I just wanted to delineate.

[2347] This is different than best boy syndrome.

[2348] Definitely.

[2349] It's just best boys.

[2350] Because I don't think any gay men made the list, which would be confusing if you thought we were talking about, that best boy syndrome.

[2351] I wouldn't even say, I wouldn't even say Matt Damon's a best boy as much as he's my best boy, but he's not a best boy.

[2352] No, he's got a...

[2353] They can't be from New York.

[2354] He's got a potty mouth.

[2355] He's from Boston.

[2356] I mean, but they can't be from the east.

[2357] Well, Kimmel.

[2358] That, like, hardens it a little bit.

[2359] Again, Kimmel does it.

[2360] Kimmel violates every single part of the best boy definition, yet he is the ultimate best boy.

[2361] Oh, boy.

[2362] Okay, well, here we are again.

[2363] John Hamm, not a best boy.

[2364] No. But a cool guy.

[2365] Yeah, cool guy.

[2366] And.

[2367] A jock.

[2368] Jimmy.

[2369] What?

[2370] Jimmy's a best boy and a cool guy.

[2371] Big time.

[2372] How's he doing this?

[2373] He's a man of many times.

[2374] talents and colors and facets.

[2375] Okay, well, we got on the subject because Jimmy helped get John on.

[2376] There we go.

[2377] That's right.

[2378] He single -handedly.

[2379] Yes, because I went all the conventional routes.

[2380] It was a no, no, no, no, no. And I had originally, like, Ask Kimmel, while acknowledging this is very inappropriate, but if you would be comfortable giving me his number, the irony being, well, so, and then I explained why, and he's like, I'll text him first.

[2381] And then my phone rings, and by God, it says John Hamm.

[2382] He's already in my phone.

[2383] So I went through all of that, and I had his number, but I did not remember having his number, so I didn't even look.

[2384] Wow.

[2385] I should look if Donald Glover's in my phone.

[2386] You met him for the first time today, right, John Hamm?

[2387] Yes, for the fifth and the first time.

[2388] Yeah.

[2389] I want to give people an update because I think people know how into him I am.

[2390] I am texting with Anderson Pack now.

[2391] It's been a big development.

[2392] That's huge.

[2393] Yeah.

[2394] And I'm going to eat at his restaurant on Saturday.

[2395] You are?

[2396] Yeah.

[2397] I am proud of you, or not proud.

[2398] I'm happy for you.

[2399] Oh, thank you.

[2400] But I'm not proud.

[2401] Good.

[2402] All to say, they were in the same boat as we were with Juno.

[2403] We recorded with John today.

[2404] Uh -huh.

[2405] Did you write any facts down, Rob?

[2406] No, because you thought we were going to do it tomorrow.

[2407] Correct.

[2408] Understanding, understandable.

[2409] I thought, and there were some.

[2410] There were?

[2411] It's a bummer, yeah.

[2412] I wish you and I could disconnect our noses, like right from here to here.

[2413] Okay.

[2414] Clunk, like, Mr. Potato Head.

[2415] Yeah.

[2416] And switch noses.

[2417] Why?

[2418] It'd be so fun to look at each other with each other's noses on our.

[2419] Do you think, I have a feeling if we did that, we'd realize they're very similar.

[2420] I'm flattered.

[2421] I think so.

[2422] I think your nose is far more attractive than mine.

[2423] No. No. I have a huge nose.

[2424] We all know this.

[2425] We all nose this.

[2426] You do not have a huge nose.

[2427] Yes, I do.

[2428] But I have a huge nose.

[2429] We have the same nose.

[2430] I wonder if we switch noses and we'd go.

[2431] Oh, fuck.

[2432] We were supposed to switch.

[2433] That's what I'm saying.

[2434] But it would just be darker.

[2435] Your ears would look crazy.

[2436] I think it'd look crazier to have a white nose on a brown face than a brown nose on a white face.

[2437] Because you could just think I like, I didn't put sunblock on that and it's really tan.

[2438] Which does happen.

[2439] My nose is so big, it sucks in all the radiation.

[2440] It gets much more tan than the rest of my face.

[2441] Uh -huh.

[2442] Okay.

[2443] But don't you think it would look crazy if you had a big huge white nose on your face?

[2444] A little bit red.

[2445] Red and white.

[2446] The coloring would be different.

[2447] Oh, I wish we could do it because I bet my nose would look not huge on your face because my face is smaller.

[2448] Yeah.

[2449] I wanted, we should get someone to digitally do it.

[2450] It's got to be easy.

[2451] My nose is big for my face, but it might not be big on your face.

[2452] How about this?

[2453] And this is, I feel bad requesting this.

[2454] but people do make art of us and it's really good and we've never requested because that seems entitled but I'm throwing it out there like if you are someone that's making a painting of us and you have the skill set I would love to see a painting with our noses switched and do you want the color like how do you want to be accurate oh wow just the nose any other pieces no we'll start with the nose see how that goes so they have to make a lot of paintings profile views Oh, I hate my profile.

[2455] Well, is that the, you're going to see it?

[2456] No, no, dead on.

[2457] Dead on?

[2458] Yeah.

[2459] I can do that in Photoshop.

[2460] You think you could do that quite easily?

[2461] Yeah.

[2462] Oh, my gosh.

[2463] I'm very much looking forward to this.

[2464] DVD, maybe we'll put this up on the episode.

[2465] Yeah, people will be like, what?

[2466] What happened to their face?

[2467] The poor person who stopped listening because it's Squatty Potty, they'll never be able to find out why is there.

[2468] Well, that's on that.

[2469] That is the price you pay.

[2470] It is sad when you see baby Like this picture of me Her nose is so sweet looking Same with me If you look at me in junior high You're like that kid had a shot Look at cute little button nose The freckles all over it My hair wasn't gray A lot of things My chin looked stronger Lips were huge though Lips were always huge They only got smaller Because my face got bigger But this is the same size lips I've had since I was eight years old You always say your lips are big They're big But I don't think that And maybe it's because you grew up with lips that were big, but now your face has grown into them.

[2471] That's possible.

[2472] Also, my father had a huge bottom lip.

[2473] And so I think I was, like, conscious of his and then realizing I was getting it as well.

[2474] Interesting.

[2475] Yeah, and my lips are bigger than my brothers.

[2476] I was known to have big, I have a big mouth and lips.

[2477] This is really what the Zach Braff similarity is, is it's the mouths.

[2478] Huh.

[2479] Is it?

[2480] I don't know.

[2481] Rob sweatshers.

[2482] There's plenty of that on the internet.

[2483] I don't know that we need to do any swabs.

[2484] Well, I do have that face swap photo of Zach and I. And it is so confusing, man. It is fucking so weird.

[2485] It is weird.

[2486] I want to know someone who looks so much like me. Well, we may find that person here soon when we go back to the motherland.

[2487] Oh, wow.

[2488] Mm -hmm.

[2489] Yeah.

[2490] I mean, all the Indian actresses I've seen on TV, they don't look like me. Do you agree?

[2491] Like, have you?

[2492] Well, which of these many Indian actresses are you over?

[2493] Mindy?

[2494] Mindy.

[2495] Priyanka?

[2496] Yes, Mindy, Priyanka.

[2497] All the girls from the Mindy show.

[2498] Yep, the girl from Devs.

[2499] Well, fuck though.

[2500] Remember how identical I thought you looked to the girl that was in.

[2501] stranger things.

[2502] That's her.

[2503] That's the girl.

[2504] Oh, yes, and she was in devs.

[2505] I think you guys look a lot of like.

[2506] I think that's because of Indian brownness.

[2507] No, because I don't think you look like those other.

[2508] I don't think this is racism.

[2509] I think that's not racism.

[2510] I think you guys look a lot of like.

[2511] Same eyes.

[2512] Let me look her up again?

[2513] Yeah.

[2514] Deves.

[2515] She's the main girl?

[2516] The Indian girl.

[2517] Lanaya Berthelso.

[2518] Yeah, that's her.

[2519] I'm friends with her.

[2520] You are?

[2521] Yeah.

[2522] Oh, I follow her on.

[2523] Instagram.

[2524] They're not going to let you at that party.

[2525] Exactly.

[2526] I don't think you can say you're friends with someone and not know their name.

[2527] I think that's like a good just like rule of thumb.

[2528] That's the young people.

[2529] Yeah.

[2530] Young people have that rule.

[2531] She's Danish, not Indian too.

[2532] Well, she is Indian, but she has, she's been adopted by Danish parents.

[2533] Linnea.

[2534] Linnea is a Danish name.

[2535] I do not look like her.

[2536] I wish I did.

[2537] She's beautiful.

[2538] I can see it.

[2539] You got to look at her, type in her name and Stranger Things.

[2540] Oh, yeah, even more in Stranger Things.

[2541] Right?

[2542] In Stranger Things, I was like, oh, my God, Monica's on screen.

[2543] And she had a shaved side.

[2544] Actually, I think it's tight braids, but that's what really made me. I know.

[2545] Your whole thing about shaved sides is actually it was never shaved sides.

[2546] No, it's shaved sides.

[2547] Is it shaved?

[2548] Yeah, yeah.

[2549] Okay, great.

[2550] And so I was like, oh, this girl looks just like Monica.

[2551] And this girl looks so cool with shaved sides.

[2552] Monica should try this.

[2553] I feel sorry for her about this conversation.

[2554] Why?

[2555] Because she's beautiful.

[2556] And I don't, and not, I'm not this, no one's ought to say anything right now.

[2557] I'm just saying I don't look like her.

[2558] And it's like.

[2559] Do you like rather that?

[2560] She's just like, let me tell the truth, the final truth.

[2561] My opinion is the final truth.

[2562] No, because we're not going to do this thing, right?

[2563] But hold on, I know, I know, I know, I know.

[2564] We're not going to do that.

[2565] It's boring.

[2566] That was a 2024 thing.

[2567] We were stopped talking about that we're not attractive.

[2568] Yeah, we are.

[2569] We're over that.

[2570] Exactly.

[2571] But we do agree that in general, not even in general, like 99 % of the time, people never think they look like the person other people think they look like.

[2572] That is very standard.

[2573] I think that's not true.

[2574] It is.

[2575] You know about Zach, Brath.

[2576] I think we're one of the anomalies that we both agree.

[2577] But everyone I've met who looks so much like somebody and I tell them, they're like, no, I don't.

[2578] It's always like such a reaction.

[2579] Rob, do you think you do kind of look like Elijah would?

[2580] Like, you can see it.

[2581] I can see it.

[2582] Yeah.

[2583] But you think we agree that, you and I agree that she looks in strangers think a ton like Monica, right?

[2584] And in devs.

[2585] Yeah.

[2586] Well, I forget why we brought this up.

[2587] But basically Indian people, oh yeah, Indian people.

[2588] You don't look like Indian people, but it turns out you look like a Danish Indian.

[2589] Anyway.

[2590] She's in vogue.

[2591] I've never been in, but actually, there was an article about me in Vogue.

[2592] That was very, very cool.

[2593] You guys are virtually living parallel lives and look identical.

[2594] Anywho, okay, I do kind of look like her in this one and one picture.

[2595] Finally.

[2596] I'll give you one picture.

[2597] Okay.

[2598] Or if she'll be in India when we go.

[2599] Call her, you're friends with her.

[2600] I'm going to call her to see if she's going to be down there.

[2601] Okay.

[2602] There are no facts.

[2603] obviously because we are circling the drain on this fact check that's okay it was it's a bonus episode there's already more content than anyone was expecting so you know it can only feel so bad yeah you're welcome yeah honestly you are welcome that's what keeps you from being a best boy but I appreciate it yeah exactly and that common joke that you love so much well also then his joke the other day it almost came up in here it was great it was great that was your best joke oh my god it's So good.

[2604] Well, I love you.

[2605] That was a great week.

[2606] Well, we have one left.

[2607] Thursday.

[2608] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2609] Oh, but I sweet.

[2610] I mean, like, yeah, just getting all this done in the time frame we did.

[2611] It was really hard and I'm so I'm grateful for both of you.

[2612] And I love when we pull something off and we did.

[2613] Last shout out, Jimmy Kimmel.

[2614] Best boy.

[2615] This year's Best Boy.

[2616] And cool guy.

[2617] And cool guy and sexy guy.

[2618] And sexy man. Sexy boy.

[2619] No, it has to be.

[2620] No. It can't be...

[2621] I see.

[2622] That's how he ends up in two different categories.

[2623] It's best boy, cool guy, sexy man. Beautiful.

[2624] I would like to be considered for cool man, I guess.

[2625] That's not one.

[2626] You want to be cool guy?

[2627] Oh, cool guy.

[2628] And do you want...

[2629] Sexy man. This is a good question.

[2630] Which one?

[2631] Oh.

[2632] Well, you know we can rule one out right away.

[2633] You don't care about best boy.

[2634] Fuck best boy.

[2635] Although, if it were like Jimmy's version, yes.

[2636] Because again, Jimmy's not a best way that he is the best boy.

[2637] the only one in all three, we already said that.

[2638] Yeah.

[2639] So if you had to pick your bucket.

[2640] Oh, sexy or cool?

[2641] Cool guy or sexy man?

[2642] That is a real tough one.

[2643] I think cool is the safer route because girls will be attracted to cool.

[2644] And then guys are attracted to cool, but they hate sexy guys.

[2645] Okay.

[2646] Yeah.

[2647] So I think that's the most, to cover the most, the widest net.

[2648] Yeah.

[2649] Yeah.

[2650] Cool.

[2651] How about you?

[2652] It's hard.

[2653] It's hard for me. Best boy, cool.

[2654] I'm not ruling out best boy.

[2655] I'm not ruling out best boy.

[2656] as quickly as you as wanting, but I'm not one.

[2657] Right.

[2658] Right.

[2659] I think I want to be, I think I want to be a sexy man. Yeah.

[2660] It's because the reality is I'm a, I'm a cool guy.

[2661] Careful.

[2662] I am.

[2663] We have a commitment.

[2664] You know, that's, I'm happy to be a cool guy.

[2665] I actually think I am a cool guy.

[2666] Yeah, you are.

[2667] And so I'm weirdly picking, like, I'm not, picking what you are.

[2668] Wow, that's advanced.

[2669] That's very 2024.

[2670] Jedi.

[2671] Very Jedi of me. Jedd -ed -I -Jankage.

[2672] Friend of the pod.

[2673] All right, love you.

[2674] I love you.

[2675] Bye.

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